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Who’s the little sibling now?
#sibling what big everything you have#art#my art#hollow knight#the knight hollow knight#little ghost hollow knight#hornet hollow knight#shade lord#void entity#embrace the void#siblings#doodle#sketch
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clean your sword
i. Peter had thought many times about dying for his brother, killing for his sisters, as all oldest children do.
ii. He'd imagined it a hundred times: how if his mother and father were ever killed, he'd get some low-skill job and make sure Lucy's clothes still fit her as she grew. How he'd make fists and fight dirty if Susan was ever threatened. What he'd do if Edmund ever had to flee the country on a dark, windswept night.
iii. Yet when he heard Susan's horn that day, he still froze. Only for an instant, he thought, "this can't be my job, right?"
iv. The blood on his sword shone red when it was all over. When he wiped it on the grass, the stain it left was almost black.
v. They'd put Susan in his arms when he was two years old. Peter didn't remember it, but he knew he'd been waiting for her till then. He wasn't a real person until he was a brother.
vi. And when they walked back to the pavilion, Rhindon bumping Peter's hip, all he could say to his sisters was, "I'm sorry I didn't come faster."
vii. The High King was almost obsessive in the way he cared for Rhindon. When he grew older and required weapons larger than those made for a child, he obsessed over them too.
viii. He told the others, in no uncertain terms, that if it ever came to it in battle, they were to leave him and live. As their brother and high king, he commanded it.
ix. The first time Edmund risked himself for Peter's sake, Peter didn't speak to him for a week.
x. He was oiling his sword when Edmund found him. "See, the thing is, Peter, being brothers goes both ways. If you can love me enough to die for me, than I get to love you just the same."
xi. Peter agreed with him then, to avoid the argument. He was sick of not talking to his brother. Yet privately, he knew that Edmund was wrong. That sacrifice was Peter's special prerogative, as the first-born.
xii. Back in England, his mother noticed that Peter had become more fastidious. She didn't notice that his protective streak has grown - and maybe it hadn't, really.
xiii. It was uncanny, how Peter would always show up just when his siblings needed him. He'd round a corner, and there was Lucy stamping her feet and scowling at a bully. There was Susan, crying, and now his knuckles were bloody.
xiv. He cleaned the blood off in the sink so carefully. The water ran red for a second, and it almost seemed black.
xv. When Caspian asked for the High King's advice, looking so very young, Peter jerked his chin towards the sword a Caspian's hip. "Be ready to use that," he said. "Keep it clean, and close."
xvi. Susan forgot Narnia and she forgot Aslan. Yet selfishly, Peter still hoped that she would never forget how quickly he came when she called.
#Peter's whole personality is Big Brother and everything else stems from that. this is why i love him#like. the age gap between my sister and me is not large but i can't think of a time in my childhood when I didn't have contingency plans#for what I'd do if i needed to protect her. or like if we got kidnapped and i needed to fix it. or if mom and dad died what i would do#even when we weren't getting along. i am convinced it's a primal Oldest Sibling instinct#whether these plans were even marginally executable is. another thing#high king over all the rest#narnia#pontifications and creations#leah stories#no one will ever walk the earth so close to you
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You do get the sense that the fallout of Roger's death and the Roger pirates disbanding not so much traumatized Buggy and Shanks indifferent ways but instead generated such drastically different reactions to the trauma.
While the trauma of everything seemed to push Shanks into the future, always constantly waiting for something, putting plans on hold and then later in place, for this great moment, this great coming that he sees on the Horizon. For Buggy it rooted him firmly in the past keeping him trapped in this grief masquerading as anger.
While Roger's death forced Shanks to grow up fast, it kind of arrested Buggy's development keeping him stuck in those same feelings, rooted int that same place.
You get the sense that Buggy's whole east blue schtick is just one long overdue rebellious phase one big fuck you to Roger and his ideals. He's rebelling against Roger's principles. One of their rules was don't steal from innocent people and Buggy was keeping a whole town in poverty. If Roger and Luffy's pirating styles are diametrically opposed to someone like Blackbeard, who might be the most literal pirate in the entire series, then buggy is the parody of that Blackbeard piratism. He is playing up cruelty, being the most piratey pirate possible, hell he's literally a clown on a stage. It's all a show! It's his own special way of trying to "get back at Roger" of trying to discard everything Roger taught him for this overacted, over exaggerated clownish cruelty. Mentally he never left that execution square. He is still 15, alone and scared.
Hell he literally never left either, while I'm pretty sure Shanks' booked it out of the east blue as fast as he could, Buggy never lef, might have never left, if not for Luffy. It's part of why Luffy bothers him so much, he's just like Roger everything that Buggy is trying hard to forget and here comes this kid, whose never even met the Captain but is wearing his hat, shoving it right back in his face.
It makes sense that he never leaves the east blue till Luffy literally forces him out of it (fucking with Luffy gets him captured and imprisoned) and it makes sense that it's Luffy that literally breaks him out of prison, literally sets him free, and on the path to greatness that maybe he was always meant to achieve (even if he trips his way into it). This boy that is tragically so much like his old captain but so beautifully unabashedly himself, is what Buggy needs to start letting go off the past, to start trying to move forward.
Maybe that's why Buggy, at what could arguably be described as his lowest moment, gets the strength to free himself from his own self imprisonment, realizing that even back then he was locking himself away and pinning his own dreams on Shanks. And, maybe for the first time ever, Buggy really own his dream. He declares to his tormentors and his crew and the entire world that; actually He wants to find the one piece, him, as captain of his own crew, this crew, not just a part of someone else's. That's his dream and he's willing to turn the world upside down to do it.
#Buggy for Pirate king 2024#I can't lie I believe that he might actually do it. It might be just for the bit and just for a few seconds but he'll do it!#No where else for him to trip up too#I think it's great that yeah Luffy liberates kingdoms in all these big ways#but from the beginning of the story in all these little ways he's been setting people free and in his own little way he set Buggy free too#my favorite thing recently has been dissecting all the ways in which how the roger pirating handling of everything ruined these boys lives#honestly not just them judging from what we've seen it's the whole crew cause Rayleigh's defiantly not doing okay#Buggy has such middle child syndrome despite being the exact same age as Shanks and not having a younger sibling#like of course he was going to feel like he had to fall under Shanks Shanks probably felt chosen by god it's hard not to feel second to tha#This feels more like a collection of thoughts than the cohesive essay I was going for#but I guess that's what happens when you literally only have a collection of thoughs#It took me a while but I actually fuck with the star clown#buggy the star clown#buggy pirates#buggy the clown#buggy one piece#one piece analysis#character analysis#shanks#red haired shanks#cross guild#roger pirates#gol d. roger#monkey d. luffy#buggy#shanks and buggy#one piece#one piece thoughts#one piece meta#op
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Nothing has ever made exo's dynamic make sense more than finding out that apart from xiumin they were all the youngest sibling growing up...
#can you imagine#its the spoiled baby sibling avengers#and some of those age gaps are BIG as well i just know they were getting everything they wanted growing up#then we have xiumin#our resident token older sibling#he absolutely radiates older sibling energy#zoning out and barely paying attention while the rest of the exos are screaming at each other??#man knows hes not getting what he wants and hes used to it#and then the chinese members are obviously all only children as well???#someone please save my man kim minseok hes the only person in the whole group who knows how to compromise#exo#xiumin#kim minseok#suho#kim junmyeon#baekhyun#chen#kim jongdae#chanyeol#do kyungsoo#kai#kim jongin#sehun#my post
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best part about season 3 were the flashbacks to season 1<3
#sorryyyy but uhm. i do not get it#sweet home#spoilers#heli liveblogs#rip s1 you will always be famous to me#i do not understand what s2 + s3 were trying to tell#and the one thing i came back for (eunyu hyunsu and eunhyeok)#were so underused#the sibling reunion was underwhelming and then they did nothing with it#eunhyeok didnt even get an arc#eunyu was completely sidelined at the end#sangwook at least got his justice by taking back his agency#but then idk how to feel about the fire thing when the fire was what took away his family when he was a kid....#yikyung was just a womb after all i guess. and she died in vain bc she couldnt even save her daughter#the relationship between the daughter and hyunsu from s2 was nonexistent#and jisu should've survived i'll die on this hill#and ui myeong died and suddenly everything went uphill??#he was a villain yes but he did not have that big an impact#maybe there's sth im not getting tho idk#the only good thing fr was sangwook taking back his strength#via memories of jaeheon and yuri and hyunsu
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Still can't believe All Might is canonically an orphan, another thing the English translation left out is that the specific word in Japanese he uses suggests he may have had a sibling who was also killed along with his parents. Forgot where I read it, but I was like 🤯 when I saw it.
HE HAD SIBLINGS?!?
#i know i said i wasn't fact checking but uh#i will take more details on this please and thank you#what do you mean this guy has dead sibling(s)#hey hey hey do you think#since they're really going all in with the afo and all might slapfest#did toshi also have a little brother. or was it his big brother that died#did he have a sister???? i mean statistically more characters are guys in this series he's probably got 2/3 chance of brother#and 1/3 chance of anything else#but w h a t#when did they die???? how much of a part of his life were they???#he had such only child vibes. i knew he was an orphan but i never would have thought to give him siblings#... well ok. not full siblings in nondfostick aus#since he does have half siblings he never met in averse#but like. you know what i mean#pocket talks to people#anon#bnha manga spoilers#of what chapter? who knows i find out everything via anons now
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I love your unhealthy clingy famous MC you don't understand how feral I'm over him
THANK YOU I LOVE HIM SO DEARLY TOO!!!!! the backstory with absent parents and just. everything about seven... i think makes a lot of infamous ocs potentially lean into this?? or at least there are a ton of choices that just made me go "oh yeah. that's him" . idk there is an element to how infamous is written that really helps with characterising him, including how customisable it is, and i do love that about this IF!!!!! crying about him below the cut <3
aki kind of navigates the world worried his loved ones will leave him and is a little too clingy because of it. he also has been playing those worries off by being charming, flirty and funny. like he can somehow project this hyper-extrovered version of himself and try to make people love that !!! he drops that more around his bandmates/friends, but not in front of people he's just met (please guess who accidentally escalated the bed fight on the tour bus)
aki also hooks up with people a lot, just cause he likes sex but also because he enjoys the no-strings-attached. because of those attachment issues, when he gets something that feels black and white to him, something one-and-done and he leaves in the morning, he can just. take feelings out the equation. he knows its not meant to last so he can just walk out (leave! hit da bricks!!! walk out!!!!!)
committing to a romantic relationship . you can imagine. is a little complicated due to all this LMFAO he just overthinks and worries before even getting into it, regardless of if it's reciprocated or not. between the one time he's actually into someone (seven) and how that ended (...badly) + the fact that deliriously avoiding commiting to anything except hookups = very little (none at all) actual dating experience. aki has no idea to deal with it and will balk. yeah this is immature of him but i have plans to make this guy character develop so hard throughout the course of infamous that he may implode
i love the genre of character where they're just going "i know i have a few issues, who doesn't, but honestly i think i'm well adjusted!!" <- they are not well adjusted. in fact they're worse than they think
also no one asked for the orionmance essay i sent my friend but here it is <3
#the seven not-a-breakup can actually completely hinder your mc too <3#aki just internalises it. OF COURSE not blaming seven for feeling abandoned and then leaving. literally they get voted out#regardless of if the pc votes for or against. but aki never expected seven to walk out of his life and it adds to his issues#i am very much leaning towards the valenreign poly and orion because of the aforementioned tho#vic and him have so much like. common ground in that projection and performance . g's drive and passion is i think the same#also g /picking/ him. vic enjoying his music. that means everything to him. to be seen for what he values in himself#very fun and very chaotic but they fall into place . i dont think aki would have expected it but he wouldn't change it#orion i think nudges him constantly into being a more. true version of himself. like just more genuine#also has something about him that makes aki just. blurt out the truth of how he feels. LOL.#akihiro yasumi#so so sorry for the essay anon. this ask was the equivalent of a free pass to talk forever to me#on that note. big fat mouth arlie is in his playlist. 'that comment wasn't funny/just wanted you to love me' dear god.#also oc aki that exists outside (and existed before) infamous is so much less. like This#him in infamous is a lot of his personality dialed up to 11 bc of the circumstances he's in (almost-famous lead singer)#and also a result of the pre-written backstory and how he'd react to that#he's literally just a hairdresser. his best friend is a office worker. they are each others wingmen. they will die embarassing each other#he also has siblings but infamous kind of drags him out of a doting older brother figure and directly into#.... well. the pc's parents. sorry aki#answered#anon
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I hateeee how asoiaf has just become the "incest books lol" to so many people. what a dumb and reductive way to look at a series that has so much more like. of all the things you could say are the central themes of asoiaf incest in not one of them lmao.(yes obviously it's present, but not nearly as much as people make it out to be) And this isn't about people who havent read it and are just judging from the outside bc who gives a shit about them. But I see this mostly from fans and its just??? what the fuck did you read/watch lmao. I mean even hotd which centers around thee incest family isnt about the incest and you'd have to have negative media literacy to think it is.
Also it's fucking insane how being uncomfortable with incest shipping gets you ridiculed in this fandom lmao. like I'm not here to be the morality police ship whatever the fuck you want idc. but dont be surprised when it makes people uncomfortable??? "ummm if you dont like incest why are you reading the incest books/watching the incest show??? weirdo" I dont fucking know man maybe all the other 348593 interesting things it's about. just a guess. And these are the same people who go on about "well just bc you write something fucked up doest mean you agree with it" which. yes! true!! then why do you uncritically endorse targ incest blood purity 😭 do you think maybe that's one of the things grrm wrote that he doesnt agree with? of course not, hotd is a cautionary tale about the dangers of not doing incest and what happens when you let your pure valyrian blood be contaminated by gross peasant genes from outside your family ^_^ obviously ^_^ and anyone who's not into your incest ships is a bigot <3 "but it's normal in their world!1!11!!!" no its not lol. and even if it was. marrying children is also normal in their world what's your point
#.txt#asoiaf#incest cw#'the gods hate incest. Look how they brought down the Targaryens' <- chracter who clearly thinks incest is normal#btw with incest i mostly mean siblings here. bc cousins seems to be pretty normal for them. but there's a big difference lol#its normal for the targs and that's it#and even then. man it would have been so interesting to explore targ incest as psychological horror rather that 'perfect uwu babies'#like imagine being a kid showing normal affection to your sibling and your parents are like. omg someone's in love <3#thats so fucked up and interesting to me!! but no instead we get 'and baegel married his sistercousin and they lives happily ever after <3'#btw i wanna make it clear im not clutching my pearls at people who think incest in asoiaf is interesting#or like it in a 'wow that's fucked up. more' kinda way#but man the 'uwu incest romance' people are so annoying lol. daemon is a malewife sure whatever make everything boring#also i think its gross lmao but again ship what you want idc#especially when its not canon like. why do you want extra incest 🤨#im so tired of seeing helaemond everywhere jfc leave them aloneeee. aemond is a freak but not in that way -_-#lucemond also. die#cringe ass ship names btw -_-#sorry for the rant i dont like to get too serious but this annoys me so baddd#anyway f&b was a mistake
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hmmmmmmm
#drunk again a little bit#feeling good as hell#everything’s gonna be ok#appreciation post for judydoll’s tinted lip gloss in 02 ice strawberry something whatever#non sticky… non transferring.. very flattering not in an unnatural way#basically looks like i’ve just chugged an ice cold m150 or like ate a popsicle yk#if ur a pale bitch like me just get it it’s gooooood i feel like the shit rn it’s sexy asf best and only cosmetic product i own#i was gonna watch evangelion with my siblings earliwr#it’s my brother’s fave show and i’ve been meaning to start it for a while#naked rei kinda freaked out my sister though#what’s her deal#big puritan bout every damn thing#anyway big argument.#doubt she’ll be watching any more of the show which is a shame cuz#i’ve missed hanging out just the three of us. ye olden days of harry potter movies and minecraft are long gone#and nge do live up to the hype#on ep 5 or something so far#so far my thoughts:#rei is creepy as fuck and i don’t really like or dislike her#everybody is too hard on shinji; bros just a kid experiencing horrors beyond human comprehension#i wonder if i’d have what it takes to pilot an EVA#ik the pilots go thru hell but that’s kind of the dream innit#everybody feels like they’re saddled with some kind of crushing burden#everybody is in a way#u gotta be alive in the world and try to live a good life n shit#it’s such a horrible burden to live#but for it to actually matter in the grand scheme of things you know#pilot a cool mech save humanity#for ur struggle and pain to actually be worth something that’s what we all want#oh and the third episode(?) where shinji’s classmates/ former bullies end up in unit01’s cockpit
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thinking about bob and patty today 20 dead 10 injured
#stranger things#pattys idealized dream in the church scene having her memories of bob dancing the same way they used to as kids.... the fact that#pattys desire for that sort of sibling connection is on par with her big dreams like being a singer/being wonder woman/all the other stuff#in the church scene.... and the way shes Imagining those things vs the rb of james post i just made & the patty bob max billy “imagining”#stuff.. patty quick why are you Imagining what's supposedly Happy Childhood Memories With Your Brother???#why would you have to Imagine your own memories?????#thinking about that vs "it wouldnt be make believe if you believe in me' like... patty did you manifest that & it therefore became a#“real memory”/dreams becoming real/lowkey the vibes of x men days of future past with how#when logan goes back to change stuff in the past everything in the future immediately changes and other characters dont remember what it wa#like before the changes/the idea that patty is Creating those memories during the church scene/“manifesting” them but then they also become#part of her real memories/“become real” like how all the stuff wolverine changed immediately manifested i just bjdsjfbsdfh
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yeah yeah i got recommended that Henry Cooldown analysis video whatever. i am still not over people comparing Henry to a medieval knight, NOT even taking the time to unpack that said mental image of a knight is 'mostly' associated with the British Monarchy*, an extension of its Empire that *checks notes* did a long list of atrocities like imperialism and colonialism, and also (multiple) genocides.
Henry is NOT British, he is Irish. Although considering the history of Ireland and how poorly the British Empire has treated them (amongst SO MANY OTHER COUNTRIES AND DIASPORAS), yeah it's NOT surprising that an Irish man like Henry is essentially forced to adopt quote on quote 'British sensibilities' to 'survive'. <- intentional imagery or not, the implications are not lost on me.
Like okay, calling out the comparison is cool but it sure would be nice if people went further to unpack what that means and implies in the long term. you know, like ACTUAL CRITICAL ANALYSIS?!
#I COULD do a whole essay about this. but i don't have the spoons to do so.#this is were i drop the big ball of information about me because fun fact! I am IRISH AND SCOTTISH. AND GREEK. so like.#so yeah i REALLY don't like the british#i hope in alternate universe i make youtube video essays about no more heroes and successfully argue how its about inter-generational traum#shallow rambles#nomoreposting#technically I was quite surprised by being recommended it. but looking at the comments i realised that their interpretation#is like the buy the books obvious surface level analysis of henry's character. not actually. thinking about the deeper things#behind his character. like. are we really going to ignore how his memories were wiped when he was adopted? okay.#to me henry is an example of someone finally confronting their trauma. how they cope is a whole other thing but henry is second#to jeane (the sister) that actually takes the time to confront the trauma although unfortunately this is mostly implied off-screen#travis BARELY acknowledges how fucked up it was for him and his siblings to be split apart and raised by different families#this got really fucking personal and i don't think anyone has actually cared enough to even consider the historical subtext#of these characters but that's just my take.#also i'm not fucking listening to a man explain to me what henry is. you know in a filmbro way. i have my own brain and interpretation and#that is all that matters to me. if you liked the guys video that's fine but honestly i am just not that interested in the essay.#you like henry for the rivalry trope. I like henry for other reasons that are open ended. we are NOT the same.#btw not EVERYTHING is about kill the past. it feels so reductive to ONLY analyse suda's work as a connected series#because it implies each one can't stand on their own merits!! that's NOT good analysis!! his work can stand on their own individually!#*about the whole knight and british monarchy thing there are other knights in other countries but unfortunately we only#think about knights in a VERY british-centric way. just thought to bring that up.#no i wont make a video essay about any of this i value my anonymity.#no i won't apologise for waking up and choosing violence today
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ya'll i got a practicum!!!!!!!
#out.#cancer mention /#sibling death mention /#i haven't really spoken about this to anyone other than laura and dax but my sister passed away at the beginning of may and we found out#literally two days later that my mom most likely has lung cancer#so it's been probably the hardest couple months of my life and i've been just WRECKED and i thought about dropping out more than once#because i was in such a low place mentally where just. Nothing Mattered and I Didn't Care#but i was just accepted to this amazing placement where i get to work with kids in foster care and foster families and it just feels so#right and i'm just having a Crying Moment because everything has been SO much but i'm so profoundly grateful and EXCITED and i haven't been#able to really feel that in awhile Because of Everything#it's really everything i've wanted as someone who really wants to work with kiddos specifically kiddos in care#plus it's seven minutes away from home which was a big concern given i don't know what's going to happen with my mom going forward and i'm#her primary caregiver (she's 89 besides Everything)#funnily enough literally right next door to my sister's church which like. i'm not religious (big christian family don't practice not into#it you know) but it was a place she loved and that feels nice#ANYWAY THIS WAS A RAMBLE but i'm just feeling a lot of things and wanted to put them down somewhere#now that i've gotten a placement and i have that stress off my shoulders i would love to be around more#grief /#death /#depression /
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When you're writing a reply to a overdue owed thread and you realized Lucy for as much shit talking and the willingness to smack people is good kid. The fact she TRIES to good, she gets decent grades, she is protective over her friends and family, she doesn't like bullying, she's a good big sister, and other shit I can't think up.
Also despite Joaquina looking bad in some threads with her as bossy or overbearing legit probably just think she's doing the right thing cause their parents was hard on specifically her to be a role model to her siblings, so she expects a lot out of Lucy and Paye. She is new being a guardian and honestly this role was something she didn't have to do they got aunts and uncles, but she probably felt emotionally obligated to see after her siblings just because she's the oldest in her mind she should be the one to hold the fort. Joaquina main issue with Lucy is the fact Lucy straight up undermine authority if it's not beneficial which she feels will get her in trouble that she can't get out of one day. For as sweet and bubbly she is, she can be just hot blooded and catty.
#ooc#sorry for the ramble i am queuing up owed lucy stuff#and her mentions of her sister made me realize#how multi faceted the moralez siblings dynamics are#joaquina is not just a bossy big sister she knows lucy so much#and that's probably why she's always on her ass to do what's right#but also lucy already tries to but since she is who she is it's unconventional#you said something about her friend she will cuss you out#you tried to fight her fight she will beat to the ground#but she is still a cheerleader with decent grades that is super bubbly#lowkey joaquina probably have a personality like that but she was raised to hold everything back unlike the twins who just say and do whate
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I heard you’re reading the graceling series? Which one are you on and do you like them? I’m on winterkeep (when I eventually get to it)
Im on winterkeep as well! Tbh im not entirely sure how I feel. They just seem really... long? For not much happening. Bitterblues def been my favorite so far! :)
#Theres also just some weird stuff#Like in fire the king idk his name and mila#Why. Why did the author do that.#And i think the series is heading towards a giddon/bitterblue relationship with i dont like too much either#Hes like 8 years older than her and it just feels more like a sibling dynamic ya know?#There are some things i like though!!#Katsa and po are very fun#Absolutely unhinged couple in the best way possible#And saf my beloved <3 complete loser#Love that his grace was slightly hyped up to be some big reveal and then it was like 'lol he can give good dreams'#My least favorite book has def been fire#For one i just. Didnt care much about any of the characters#And after about 300 pages fires problems just became a bit repetitive? If you get what i mean#It got interesting in the last few chapters#But that thing did not have to be like 600 pages#Ig it didnt help that my hopes were high for it#Everything i saw online was like 'omg fire absolitely ripped my heart out' and 'better than the first book'#And maybe its just me but i just? Didnt have much of a reaction to it?#Anyway i would love to know your thoughts on the series!#Im about 60 pages into winterkeep and its fun so far
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I really wish my mom would just fucking. respect the fact that I have no desire to be religious and that I don't know if I ever will be because it feels like she's subtly trying to convince me to come back and idk. I just kinda wish she'd respect the fact that I don't want to have anything to do with it
#like. when i first left the church she encouraged me to go to therapy to Get Everything Worked Out and i did !!#i went to therapy. did all the work. took a look inside and went ''yep. still queer. still nonreligious''#and left a more emotionally healthy + put together guy.#and when she asked me about it and i said i still was quite sure i didnt want to go to church#she was wringing her hands like ''oh...winter youre so twisted up and confused inside...you need to get all this figured out..''#and for a while i TRIED. but eventually i put my foot down and was like. Mom. i am not confused. i am not twisted up inside.#and she looked pretty upset ans flabbergasted because HOW could HER KID possibly FALL AWAY from the church and become a HERETIC!??#or something idk#so now we've reached a sort of impasse. where im semi happily living at home w them and not having to do religious shit#and she lets me. but idk she always brings up god and church and shit in conversation#and i dont even think she's TRYING to !! its just a really big part of her life and its important to her#so she tries to use it to comfort me or whatever. but it falls flat because its not important to Me. and she just cant comprehend that.#and idk. idk#im just rambling at this point but i also feel like. i cant really be the person i am around my family#because she's pulled me aside and made me promise i wouldnt do or say anything that could Lead My Siblings Astray#so i cant really talk about queerness. or my own experiences as a queer person. or how people should be able to choose for themselves#what they believe in.#and since im living in their house when im old enough to not be im afraid that if i break the rule she'll kick me out#and i do NOT have the money for my own place rn#and throughout it all there's this underlying feeling that she doesnt want my siblings to Be Like Me#which only reinforces the feeling ive had all my life of being the family black sheep. lol#anyway. sundays are particularly shitty in this regard because theyre Church Days.#so idk. im just thinking out loud rn#winter speaks#personal
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Ngh awake thinking about the way phantasmagorias author portrays the majima everywhere alert through prose like YOW the second before the door slams open you already feel ten thousand icy cold needles shooting into your skin so deep they pierce to the marrow, like youve walked into a spiderweb spun with threads of fate and theyre all wrapping around you and trying to converge inside your body and then the door opens and its him. Its really him and you have every reason to square your shoulders up and tell him get the FUCK out of my home
#Yakuza liveblog#like aoaoayooouuu i lovee this fic so much i consider it the Best One. i adore how utterly faithful it is to the games even if the author#despises the kiwamis LOL but whenever i read it i go EEK !!! and start kicking my feet like a girl#i linked chapter two which was the start of the encounter but chapter two has many many many MANY terrible scenes where kiryus just being#fucked up and over and sideways by literally everything and it sucks to read#and you can really tell how unhappy he is because instead of letting his fists talk first his confusion actually splits through his rage#beacause the sight of majima alone ... dangerous and a stranger to this new life hes destroying his back and hands to build... kiryu#recognoses him as not a ‘friend’ really but an Opportunity. hes shot back a year into the past where every songle day would be bloody#knuckles and split lips and hes comfortable in a body aching with bruises and pumping hot blood through his veins. he fucking hates#construction work he hates that he cant make enough to even buy haruka some new damn shoes he hates that his days are packed full with#below minumum wage hours he hates that people out there need help and hes forced to keep his head down and work work work himself to death#and back again just to make instant noodles for breakfast for his daughter and tap water for himself ... but he will do it. he will keep#doing it for as long as it takes if it means haruka can keep going to school and haruka will keep going to school even if she hates it#because her papas working so damn hard for her to have the shot at life that he didnt. haruka the same girl whos going to take on someone#elses dream and make it come true. not for herself because thats not what she wanted at all... someone told her papa that its every little#girls dream to be a star and he believed it .. so she believes it too. even if its not true. she kept believing it when she realised that#mireis dreams had landed squarely on her shoulders and she had to make it all come true just so she could come running back to do what she#actually wants !!! she wants her dad she wants her siblings she wants her family !!!! thats just how it is sometimes !! she inherited kiryus#tendency to be the big hero and yet kiryu is just a tad more selfish than she is because he saw majima in that doorway and kamurochos scent#flooded his shitty little apartment again and he wanted it badly so so badly that he couldnt help but let majima in#hello by the way hii :)#helioshellion is a fucking genius even if i cant spell their url ever
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