#similar to the song lyrics ones I’ve done I guess

[wyattjohnston]

putting feelers out for a Valentine’s themed thing where I throw prompts out into the wild, writers claim them and write them

don’t think i’d cap it at one writer per prompt or anything, nor would it be something I hold anybody to or like penalise for non-completion

just want to do something fun that isn’t an exchange when the current one will have barely finished without becoming overwhelmed by requests myself

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

1989 - The story of two muses

Back to my first and forever love – Lyric analysis!

1989 is very close to my heart, and I have always found it noticeable that this album has quite a contrast between love songs about a very up and down/anxiety filled relationship on one hand, and the very raw and heartfelt romance as portrayed in ‘This Love’ and YAIL on the other.

And the 5 new vault songs we have on Taylor’s version now have added quite a bit of detail to the picture that emerges and I’m more convinced than ever that there are two distinct relationships/muses being described and I fancied doing a deep dive into how each one is described in the music and how the themes connect to other songs. (And it may even explain the beach theme 😉)

Ok, so, I have actually sorted every song from 1989 that is about a romantic relationship, including the 5 new vault tracks, into this scheme (even though I found some really hard!)

Muse 1 – “The heartbreaker” This relationship is described as very up and down, very anxiety-driven, something you can’t walk away from like an addiction, “against your better knowledge but can’t help myself” kind of way. Taylor has described this person as ‘the one that might one day interrupt your wedding, because you’re never truly over’.  Break up: ‘you left me’.

Muse 2 – “The one that came back” While this relationship is by no means described as perfect, it has a very different tone to it. It’s very much based in secure feelings, ‘us against the world’, any difficulty faced is worth it. Break up: ‘had to let it go’. And the person came back when it counted.

(Sorry about the pictures, I couldn't fit a table in any other way)

I am really impressed with how much just five new songs have furthered the story of these two relationships and I (personally) love how much this is filling in the blanks and makes everything make so much more sense. 'You can hear it in the silence' vs 'Now your silence has me screaming' almost killed me, honestly. She really found the love that needs no words. 🥰 And the direct contrast of the metaphors, one relationship as an addiction with very high highs and very low lows, and the other as the calm waves on the shore that continually come in and out with the tide, is just so masterfully done, I love it. And I think given the beach theme of the 1989 TV covers, we can guess which of the muses is being honoured in this re-branding.

Lyrical connections to later albums

Perhaps not surprisingly, these two muses and their lyrical themes show up again in Taylor’s music in later albums. The connection I’ve already seen a lot of people make is the playing cards reference from Say Don’t Go (‘I’m trying to see the cards that you won’t show’) linking to Cornelia Street (‘back when we were card sharks, playing games’). And I love how this tells the story of someone whose previous relationship impacts how they react in a new relationship. Because the person in Say Don’t Go really did lead her on and played her and then left, whereas the Cornelia Street muse didn’t but Taylor thought as much based on her previous experience (‘I THOUGHT you were leading me on…but then you called, showed your hand…’).

Another parallel to Lover songs is the ‘light in the dark’ theme that starts in This Love with “lantern burning/ flickered in my mind for only you”, which feels very similar to “chandelier still flickering here” from Death by A Thousand Cuts. This relationship/lover is the light that perseveres in the dark, even if it’s just flickering, it never goes out. It lights up the darkness (‘glowing in the dark’), whereas the other relationship is a “shot in the darkest dark”. We obviously get a whole lot more songs in later albums that reference love as light in the darkness, most prominently in Daylight, the Lover album closer. But more subtly, I also think that “Takin’ your time in the tangerine neon light” from Slut, and “hang your head low in the glow of the vending machine” from Cruel Summer follow that same pattern. Something that illuminates the darkness. And just btw, Slut and Cruel Summer give me a very similar vibe in terms of different takes on the same situation…anyone else get that? But one last, maybe more subjective, connection is the line “I’ll pay the price, you won’t”. Which everyone immediately took as a comment on double standards between men and women, but I think it could also be interpreted to mean ‘I’ll happily pay the price and take the hit, so you don’t have to’, if you interpret the song to be about dating a man in public to keep a female partner out of the public eye.  With that in mind, the line becomes very reminiscent of ‘I can never give you peace’ from folklore, both expressing that Taylor wants to shield her lover from the media scrutiny that comes with dating her.  

Suburban Legends alone has so many links to later songs that I had to give it its own paragraph. The chorus ‘I didn’t come here to make friends’ is so ‘I don’t want you like a best friend’ coded, and ‘We were born to be suburban legends’ gives me big reputation/big conversation vibes. Other people have already pointed out that ‘flushed with the currency of cool’ draws links to Gold Rush and Gorgeous (‘You’re so cool it makes me hate you so much’) and ‘so magnetic it’s almost obnoxious’ is very similar to ‘magnetic force of a man’ from Lover. All painting the picture of a person who is so cool and alluring that they feel almost unattainable. The whole premise of the song being that the narrator didn’t come to make friends, but instead is on a mission to get what they want, feels very Mastermind to me. The background music over the outro confirms that, as it’s the same production as Mastermind (I call it ‘game show music’ 😊) and the lyrics saying that the muse now doesn’t knock anymore, suggests to me that maybe the masterplan has worked. Lastly, the conclusion of the song being ‘my life is ruined/I always knew it’ is a different way of saying I’ll happily ruin myself for you, as in ‘for you I’d ruin myself a million little times’ from Illicit Affairs.

We don’t get nearly as many references to the first muse’s themes in later music, but ‘fell from the pedestal, right down the rabbit hole” from Long Story Short is a nice drawback to the wonderland theme. Bottom line though, ‘It was the wrong guy…’.

And there we have it, the story of the two muses of 1989. If anybody here is even remotely as excited by lyrical analysis as I am, this one is for you, and feel free to have a friendly chat in the comments if I’ve missed anything!

[foxes-that-run]

Have you done a Hunger analysis/can you do one

Hi, I haven't, I love that song though. So here it is:

Hunger

It is about Harry looking back on a relationship he is not over. It was leaked in 20 April 2022, the week he played Coachella. See 2022 timeline if you subscribe to the thought the leaks are timed.

When it was written is less important because it's quite reflective, but based on 'one year into two', if I had to guess, I think this song is from the first week of January 2017:

4 January 2013 - Blue dress on a boat

6 January 2015 - Harry and Taylor were ambiguously dating (and touring) since Valentine's Day 2014. Harry arrived in LA on the 2nd and neither was seen for a few days. Taylor posted this photo with 'This Love' Lyrics. Harry then reappeared. Things seemed tense at Lily Aldridge's birthday on the 19th and Taylor went to Maui with the Haim sisters while Harry stayed in LA. Taylor started dating Calvin a few weeks later.

6 January 2016 - Harry posted this photo of rain on a window. Out of the Woods MV was just released, it aired NYE 2015 in the same show as the last 1D TV appearance.

5 January 2017 - The leak Lately included that it was written on 5 January 2017, He flew to LA on the 6th. Lately was leaked on 6 January 2024. That is one year turning two from 2015:

Lyrics

Candles burnt down to the floor Wearing less than you wore before Shoes sitting by the door never put them on We would stay in my house for days Spilling breakfast on pillowcases Your stuff don’t taste the same Now that you’re gone

The first verse is reminiscing of the good times, of enjoying spending time together in a hedonistic way.

To me the first lines are on New Years Eve 2012 which Taylor also included in New Years Day "Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor / You and me from the night before". If written in January the shared NYE memory would have been timely.

I love the line "shoes sitting by the door" it sounds to me like they were to go out but stayed in to be together.

"Your stuff don't taste the same" to me is her music, especially Red and 1989, I imagine hearing them after they were actually over would hurt with how much the themes of 1989 especially are "built to fall apart and back together again"

I guess I’m prone to overthinking One thing goes wrong and I can’t adjust I’ve lost the taste for the good in us And I’m sorry

The second verse is talking about feeling sad that Harry wasn't able to keep the relationship and his engagement with it.

"Lost the taste for the good": reminds me of the Two Ghosts, "We're not who we used to be". Two Ghosts was written around Valentines Day 2015, soon after this break up. To Nick Grimshaw Harry said about it "sometimes things change, and you can do all the same things, and sometimes it’s just different, you know". I think this is a similar detached loss of connection, later to Zane Lowe Harry said he was 'just coasting.'

I think with more time for reflection this song has matured to see with regret why he lost the taste for the good in what he lost, which Two Ghosts doesn't get into.

"Prone to overthinking" is interesting, Harry seems like he would. He uses this word again in Grapejuice about Taylor, he acknowledges she worries about other girls and assures he doesn't want anyone else "You're always there, so don't overthink, I'm so over whites and pinks"

We had a hunger then only each other then Couldn’t get enough when we started Always a hunger then now it’s just emptiness We were in love, we were starving We had a hunger then

To me, the song title and chorus has a double meaning:

In the first half of the chorus Harry is singing about Hunger in the sense of an insatiable desire for each other. The bliss of a new relationship where you just want to be together all the time.

This ends with 'now there's just emptiness. He uses emptiness as an analogy for being emotionally depleted in Ever Since New York also "There's no water inside this swimming pool" and in Two Ghosts "We're just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty"

I hear a second meaning with "we were in love, we were starving." The theme of the song is reflecting on where it went wrong, I think he is referring their mental health and wellbeing at the time as being a factor for why it didn't work out.

We could ruin a perfect night On my birthday I made you cry You told me you learned to drive I guess you lied I could never get sick of you I just bit off more than I could chew And as one year turns into two I’m still not over you, still not over you

As the song says, they are still not over each other.

You told me you learned to drive

This could be read two ways, as many anons have said to me today :)

Taylor used driving as a metaphor for their relationship in Treacherous and throughout 1989 and Harry did in Keep Driving. The line is saying that she told Harry they could make it work but she lied and they didn’t. I really like this interpretation, it reminds me of Fools Gold where he also called her a lair for him feeling like his commitment to their relationship wasn’t reciprocated

This reminds me of of a Gatsby quote Jordan says to Nick: “You said a bad driver was only safe until she met another bad driver? Well, I met another bad driver, didn’t I? I mean it was careless of me to make such a wrong guess. I thought you were rather an honest, straightforward person. I thought it was your secret pride.”

On my birthday I made you cry

Taylor also refers to this in Coney Island the male part sings "Were you standing in the hallway / With a big cake, happy birthday". Sadly there are options for this, I think the big cake is a metaphor for an special gift:

2015, he threw a big party with lots of famous people in LA just before he left for tour. After possibly break up 6 January, on the 17th Taylor shared a photo of her kitchen with the framed Temper Trap Lyrics on her stove, (below). She then went to Maui with the Haim sisters, on the 23rd - 30th (I wonder if Harry was meant to go). On Harry's birthday she was in Nashville.

2013 Taylor had Temper Trap write and sign the correct lyrics/Arm Lyrics/Tattoo and framed it for his birthday, but they broke up before she gifted it. She included it in the photo again in 2015. :( The blue dress on a boat was 4 January, however she was in London on the 21st and rumoured to see him. There were reports she had booked a week in Italy as well as other gifts. Harry had a wild 19th birthday with a £5k bar tab and strippers.

I could never get sick you

I hear "I could never get sick of you" as responding to something said directly to Harry. However, in November 2015 Taylor used those words to Vogue. It's an interesting comment that was foreshadowing the Reputation era. If this song was written in early 2017 it would have been the thick of that:

"I'll need to give people a certain breather from me because at a certain point they're going to get a little sick of hearing about me, so then I'll need to go away for a while and then depending on my gauge on how sick of me they are I'll decide when to put out the next album,"

I just bit off more than I could chew

I think this is the crux of it, Harry was quite young when they started dating and the One Direction schedule of a tour and album every year was intense. In his more recent interviews he's talked about mental health, and his band mates have also spoken about the toll it took on them. I think Harry was not available or ready to provide an older partner who was also anxious the support she was looking for. In his words in To be So Lonely, he "Wasn't ready for it all".

[stormblessed95]

So I’ve gone back and forth about sending this ask(?) to you, but I have just been sitting thinking about this for a over a month with no one to vent to.

Basically, since indigo came out, I have been slightly nervous about PJM1s release (also super excited and will stream until my ears bleed). Cause of my nerves—Closer. As you are likely well aware, the song closer explicitly talks about having an intimate relationship with a woman. This led everyone on twitter, myself included, to assume RM is, at the very least, sexually attracted to women (to be fair, the feminine pronouns were in Paul Blanco’s verse). My thing, and i don’t think it hit me until indigo came out, is that we could see something similar with PJM1. I mean all it could take is one pronoun (context dependent) to more or less disprove jikook, which kinda makes me sad.

Now, I am well aware BTS has used feminine pronouns in past music. And I want to make it clear that I support both JM and JK as individuals first, and that’s not going to change. And regardless of their relationship, I adore their bond. But, I’ve spent a good amount of time thinking that there was something more than friendship between them, so idk, I guess I have yet to become completely comfortable with the idea that they may not be or never had been together. I keep telling myself it doesn’t actually matter, but apparently my heart and brain are not aligned lol.

Now, Jimin may choose not to sing about romantic/sexual relationships on PJM1, but he has mentioned along the lines that he wants to show a more mature and more real side to him and his craft, so I feel it’s likely his album will include a few songs of that nature.

Those are essentially all my thoughts on this. I guess my ask would be do you have any thoughts on this? No pressure to answer!

Regardless, stream Vibe! Stream Indigo! Stream Dreamers! Stream Jack in the box!

I mean, Vibe opened with the use of gendered pronouns and labeling of who Taeyang was speaking to with the use of "girl" in his verse where Jimin kept away from any pronouns and just said "you" "love" "baby" and kept all parts of the song he was on gender neutral, and he had writing credits meaning he probably wrote most of his own verses/the bridge. So if he was going to, he had the chance. Every single solo song he has ever done too is gender neutral. Vibe, With You, Filter, Serendipity, Promise, Lie....

So I'm not worried. Lol and I also don't think a "girl" lyric would disprove or prove a possible gay relationship he could be in. People sing about past, present and future relationships/flings/feelings/ideas when they write love songs. Plus, if you'd ask me to guess Jimins sexuality, I'd guess bisexual, or at least a label that includes him liking women too as he has self proclaimed admitting to crushing on a school mate, who was a girl, pre-debut. Not that it couldn't have changed when he grew out of any heteronormativity that he had, but that would still be my guess.

And I understand it being easier said than done to get your heart and brain to always align. That takes time. It's okay to give yourself that time graciously and be kind to yourself too. I know this probably isn't helpful for you since my answer is basically "I'm not worried about it either way" lol but it is what it is. And I hope it helps anyway.

And yes, let's all work together to stream hard for our beloved members!💜

[asachuu]

Okay, I’ve drawn some edgy stuff before and I’ll obviously do it again, but this…well, it’s probably not a lot in the general scheme of things, but as for this account so far, who knows.

Content warning for blood, and I’m not sure if it counts as mild body horror as well or not, but it’s better to be safe.

He may be a horror beyond human comprehension to you, I understand him just fine…but all jokes aside, I suppose I’ll explain the thought process here before rambling on about all else, just because I considered posting it a while ago already…and I’m sure it requires that.

In short, the context is an AU I initially thought about just to draw a single shitpost which I still haven’t ended up making, and I’m truly hoping nobody has come up this before as I generally don’t interact with the BSD fandom as a whole, so I wouldn’t really know.

Regardless, I guess you could say it’s a worse version of Fifteen in which Arthur doesn’t end up taking in Chuuya’s ability, but Paul’s instead, and the logistics of this are really wonky at the moment since I haven’t exactly spent my days planning it out, but oh well. My thought was, if that had happened for whatever reason, in the scenario that the plot would have continued the exact same way as Fifteen up until the fight between Arthur, Dazai and Chuuya, what would have been the outcome? On one hand, in the better case, it could have gone the same way, perhaps with Arthur forgetting he could have used an ability other than his own, ultimately failing and meeting the same exact fate as in the novel— believing he ended his partner’s life and having all end on that note, nothing truly changing…but on the other hand, if he hadn’t forgotten about it, perhaps he could have won the fight much easier in some entirely different way, and what would have been of it all then if he’d been the lone survivor, succeeding in taking in Chuuya’s ability, yet learning what he’d truly done, what and who he’d sacrificed for that knowledge, even what he’d actually used to win the fight itself, which would have been the last thing left of his former associate?

You can interpret this in two ways, either as genuine speculation of the most awful outcome or merely an excuse to draw some messed up semi-Guivre-style abomination that I now believe I should have made far, far worse considering how it’s described in Stormbringer, but no matter which it is as not even I know, I’m quite tempted to write something about it over on AO3, although my ongoing WIP is slightly weighing me down. I could potentially postpone the latter, but due to some personal circumstances, I’m not sure if that’s the right decision here…but who knows. Either way, it has major angst potential, and I’m one to latch onto that sometimes.

Now, as for the artwork itself, to set aside that concept…I’m not particularly sure how I eventually got this done as it’s one of those drawings that were threatened with deletion several times, looked absolutely unpublishable throughout the whole process before something miraculously changed five hours in, but it’s here anyway. I was first meant to use my usual artstyle for this, then I got inspired by a few other posts and tried something close to them for a while, yet I somehow wound up with a style similar to Beast again, which…wasn’t the intention. Nonetheless, I’m quite content with it, which I’m really surprised by considering how much I truly believed I was only finishing this one up to send in a chat once and never think of it again.

All that said, maybe this would have had a few bloodstains less if I hadn’t been listening to some stuff that, although lyrically completely unrelated, probably still played a good part in what I eventually turned to, so the playlist to thank is Chronostasis, Deus Ex Machina, Lovers In Abyss — Release Hallucination, 断罪の焔と恋人たちの輪舞曲 — Imperial Circus Dead Decadence, and if this is just an excuse to throw these songs here, I’ll never tell.

[lynsburner]

Hi Lyn! I was wondering… in your ‘Verse, would you say Andrew wrote any of his songs for/about Lovely (reader)? If so, what are they, and what was her reaction to them?

And would you be willing to write any more Hozier fics in the future? There’s a terrible lack of them everywhere and yours are soooo good!!!

Hello. This answer is about to be super long. My bus home from work got stuck in a ridiculous amount of traffic. Plus, you got me ruminating on this all day at work (Outside the millions of phone calls I was supposed to make. People responding to an email you sent them? Revolutionary concept if you asked me!) and think I’ve decided firmly on, and hear me out on this, “No Plan.” 

That song to me is about not worrying where things are going to go (The sun’s going to go out! Who gives a shit!) and to not sweat the small stuff. And I guess in this context, it’s about being a little worried about something new, like a relationship that has a lot of shit going against it. It’s about enjoying the little things that you do have. The “I think you’re worth at least trying,” or describing this love as “shiny and new, like a toy to be played with, nervously discovering all the nooks and crannies as time goes on.” 

(Yes, I am quoting myself. I am a very self-centric person. I am sorry)

Also now I’m head cannoning that he texted her: Did you know the sun’s going out? After watching that talk and that’s when she hit him with the I like you. A lot. Too much, actually. What better time to confess your feelings for a dear friend than also getting him out of a doom spiral? 

Anyway, one day she just gets texted an audio file with just “🖤” (the black heart emoji, which I’m sure is just one big Carly Rae Jepsen reference) out of the blue. It’s a messy, unpolished demo. 

And when she doesn’t respond immediately since she’s taking it all in, he texts again: 

Just wanted to know your thoughts on this… 

Andrew… 

Yes…? 

What is this? 

A song. Not sure if you’ve heard of them before. The proper definition is: “a short poem or other set of words set to music or meant to be sung.” 

I hate you. 

I don’t care what you think about me. I only care what you think about the song. 

I love it.  You? Debatable… 

She calls him after that. They have a “Don’t bother me while I’m working,” on that list of rules, (“I wouldn’t ask you to help me with an Excel formula, would I?”) so it’s sort of rare she hears anything before it’s finished on purpose (not every wall can be reinforced with soundproofing material). It’s a special moment. 

Ok. This was a tangent and then some. Thank you for letting me indulge my fantasies lol 

Also, half of me wanted to answer this with “Sunlight” but only because that’s my favorite. But it also can be read as putting too much into something, especially with the entire 3rd verse comparing the love being had to the Icarus story, it almost sounds like it’s bound to end in tragedy (a lot of his songs do tbh I could write about that for days). 

But, I do love the lyric “know that I would gladly be the Icarus to your certainty” so much. Need me someone like that LMFAO. 

Anyway, as for new stuff? I’m currently 3 chapters deep (of 10! and halfway through the last chapter, ironically) with an idea I’ve had for a while now that I’m really excited about. It’s pretty dialogue heavy and is set around a weekly get-together. I just don’t want to post any chapters until I’m finished because then it would never get done. 

I did almost write a threequel (is that the right word?) to the first two stories, but the dialogue was too similar and they fit better in the chaptered idea. That one was about them revisiting a place they took a trip together as friends and why nothing happened between them that first time around (spoiler: Andrew was too high and too drunk to properly process feelings and his idea for them getting together comes off as more of a joke. The next morning he's got no memory of their argument, so back to square one they were!). They were probably going to get engaged at some point. Good for those crazy kids! I wish them the best!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this way too long of a response, Anon! Have a great night!

[z-exo-l]

Kai Rover First Impressions

Disclaimer: I’m working on three hours sleep and change, and I just woke up, so this isn’t the best mood in which to enjoy music. But it’s the only time I’ve got until late tonight to get my thoughts out.

I just got done watching the mv. It feels like even though there’s a discernible plot, there’s a bit of a weirdness to it ala Hurdle. The song itself is pretty catchy and the bits of choreo look fun and like Jongin said, different from his previous solo songs.

Black Mirror is the one I thought it was from his series of teasers... I think. Hmm. The talk-singing is almost threatening. Ooh, go off vocal kji!!! This is a cool song; it might just be my state of mind but it feels like it’s changing as you listen, if that makes sense. It still feels ominous, but I really appreciate that he’s going between deep voice and high voice. Idk if it’s a song I’d listen to a lot, because I can’t detect a discernible chorus, but it’s got merit for sure.

Slidin’, the one I arbitrarily guessed would be my favorite. The start’s pretty cool. I like the rhythm. Oooh nice! I love the lingering notes. The chorus is fun. It does have a nice r&b sound, and he’s flexing his vocal improvements. Honestly idk if I’ll be able to listen to it frequently, but I don’t want to make that call while I’m barely awake.

Bomba Bomba. The one I was most excited for. I love the Latin-esque rhythm; takes me back to Sean Paul dance tracks. It’s the most simplistic so far, but I suspect that’s by design. It’s absolutely a dancer for sure though. I’m not in love with the production, but if I’m being honest this’ll probably grow on me the quickest.

Say You Love Me. I’m into the seductive tone changes he’s doing here. The chorus is very memorable. Am I the only one who feels like this id Kji’s most ‘vocal’ album? Like there’s not necessarily an outright showcase track, but I can literally hear his improvements every album, and I’n very proud of him for that. This one feels like…Hello Stranger in a way? And I feel like this is a specific mood sort of song, but I do like it. Eee…until this ending bit…no no no.

Sinner. Ohhh, slow track? Interesting…I’ll be interested in the lyrics for this one. Really digging the piano, and how gently he’s singing. It feels kind of…late 90’s, early 00’s. Probably the most relaxed track on the album. I like it though, even if the ending feels a bit abrupt.

Idk if this review was at all comprehensive; I’ll probably have different opinions when I listen to it again in a more wakeful state. I did enjoy myself a lot though, and I can definitely see why kji was so excited for it. I love that it feels different from Peaches, and even his first album, though if I had to compare they’re a little more similar. He should be proud of his hard work here, especially his singing, and now I’m SO excited for the next Film to come out! Congratulations Jongin, you’ll knock ‘em dead.

[purplesurveys]

1636

Put your music library on shuffle (or just pick some random songs) and answer a few questions for each one.

by chasingghosts

❀ Song One ❀

What's the song? The Astronaut by Jin.

When did this song come out? A really emotional time in 2022, lol. End of October if I’m not mistaken.

Would you recommend this song to someone? Probably to a person who’s missing someone special to them! And I guess to people who are into Coldplay as they helped make the song.

Do you know how to play this song on an instrument? (or would you like to learn?) I don’t know how to play any instrument but it would be nice to learn it on the piano. There have been many beautiful piano covers of this song that have been done.

❀ Song Two ❀

What's the song? Forg_tful by RM and Kim Sawol.

Do you remember how you discovered this song? It’s part of Indigo, so I heard it the day of the album’s release as I was going through the entire tracklist.

What genre would you classify this song as? Folk.

Have you ever been obsessed with or fixated on this song? I love this song a lot, but honestly there are other songs within the same album that I’ve formed stronger attachments to.

❀ Song Three ❀

What's the song? My Jinji by Sunset Rollercoaster.

Could you dance to this song? Hmm. Slow dancing and a general swaying of the body is definitely possible with this song.

Does this song remind you of anyone? Eh, not particularly.

What’s the tempo of this song? Very slow and chill.

❀ Song Four ❀

What's the song? Cypher Pt. 3: Killer by BTS.

Have you ever seen this song performed live? NOPE. And I will never get to hear it live because they’ve laid it to rest as of October 15th, 2022 :’)

What is the name of the album this song is on? Dark & Wild. Gem of an album.

Does this song ever get stuck in your head? Every now and then, yeah!

❀ Song Five ❀

What's the song? This Is Why by Paramore.

Does this song have male or female vocals? Female, with some male backing vocals.

Do you like the lyrics of this song? Compared to other songs off This Is Why, I actually honestly relate to this a lot less as an extrovert who likes being outside the house hahaha. There are other songs I vibe with more on a personal level. But the lyrics themselves are great nonetheless.

Does this song remind you of any particular period of your life? Not so much. Sometimes it’ll remind me of the time I refused to leave my room the weeks after my breakup, but it’s not a memory that sticks out. For the most part I just enjoy yelling to this song.

❀ Song Six ❀

What's the song? Die For You Remix by The Weeknd and Ariana Grande.

Would you say this is one of your favourite songs? It’s definitely a favorite these days, but I don’t think it would classify as an all-time favorite. I might listen to it nonstop for the next couple of weeks or so. How many instruments are played in this song? I have no idea. One - the computer? Hahahaha.

When did you first discover this song? A few months agoish. Like you know how Spotify will play similar-sounding songs to the music you listen to? This is one of the songs that will usually play at random, so that’s how I came to like it.

❀ Song Seven ❀

What's the song? Winter by SE SO NEON.

Is this song a genre you would regularly listen to? Increasingly, yeah! I’ve been exploring more Korean bands thanks to Namjoon, who will regularly post music he’s been listening to. This is one of his song recos that I ended up really enjoying.

Has this song ever been in a popular chart like Billboard? No, as far as I know this hasn’t charted on an international chart.

Is this song on any of your playlists? No but only because all my playlists are BTS-focused, lol.

❀ Song Eight ❀

What's the song? Kyo181 by Silica Gel.

Do you like to sing along to this song? It’s in Korean so I can’t sing along to the lyrics per se, but I do find myself humming along to it most of the time.

What’s the emotion of this song? I haven’t taken the time to read the lyrics; I just really like how the song sounds.

Have you ever seen this artist perform live? I haven’t.

❀ Song Nine ❀

What's the song? As You Wish by Paul Blanco.

Does this song have more than one singer? Nope, it’s just him.

Do you know any other songs from the album this song is on? A few.

Would you play this song at a party? Depends on the vibe of the party. Probably at a more lowkey one, sure. I think it suits road trips more, though!

❀ Song Ten ❀

What's the song? Pretty U by Seventeen.

Is the artist who performs this song one of your favourites? Yes, they’re my second favorite K-pop act next to BTS.

Do you know all the lyrics to this song? Just the chorus!

Is there a music video for this song, and have you seen it? I haven’t.

[thisaintascenereviews]

Rain City Drive - Self-titled Sometimes bands tend to flourish when they remove a problematic member, and it’s also even better when multiple bands feature the same member, who ultimately kick him out for being a huge pain in the ass. That member would be vocalist Jonny Craig of both Dance Gavin Dance and Rain City Drive (formerly known as Slaves, which we’ll get to in a little bit). Craig is known for being DGD’s first vocalist, and he put out an EP with the band and their debut full-length back in 2007, only to be kicked out for being a problem to the rest of the band, whether it was his behavior towards them or other people. Who remembers the infamous Macbook situation? Anyway, Craig went onto form the band Slaves in the mid-2010s, especially after he was kicked out of DGD again in 2011 (to be fair, the second album they put out with him was pretty good, even though it was a cheap knockoff of their debut; even so, the two albums that Kurt Travis put out with the band before then were some of their best), and despite putting out a few albums with them, they kicked him out in 2019, I believe, only to get a new vocalist and change their name. They mainly changed their name due to the growing racial unrest in the country, thanks to the Black Lives Matter movement, and having a very problematic name wouldn’t really do them any good, but I also felt like a rebranding in general might be good. Rid themselves of their vocalist, who has the most notoriety, and start again, which is what their self-titled album seems to be trying to do. To be fair, their last album, 2020′s To Better Days, has their former name removed from the cover, and it’s credited as Rain City Drive (which is a stupid name, but it has a cool meaning; it’s taken from the band met, so that’s kind of neat, I guess), but I decided to check out their new album a couple of weeks, just out of pure curiosity, since I saw them on Apple Music and I totally forgot that it was just the new incarnation of Slaves, they just changed their name. They also changed their sound, at least on this new record, because they went from a post-hardcore band to a pop-rock / alt-rock band with some new wave and electronic tones and ideas. Honestly, I’m all for it, because their self-titled album is really good. It’s not necessarily one of the best albums of the year, but it’s still a lot of fun. I wasn’t expecting much out of this, but I got more than I bargained for. It’s a catchy 36-minute album that showcases their new vocalist very well, as well as showcases a change in sound that suits them well, even if it’s relatively bland. There’s nothing new in their brand of pop-rock, but it’s catchy, slick, and a ton of fun. Songs like “Psycho,” “Dying For,” “Waiting On You,” and “Gardens Of Misery” are catchy as all hell, and if you’re not careful, you might get these songs stuck in your head. Yeah, sure, their sound is pretty generic, but it’s done well, their vocalist is great, and the lyrics are surprisingly good, too. Nothing super out of the ordinary, but they’re written pretty well, and I enjoy them, for the most part. I have to say that I like this album a lot as a whole, and I don’t really have too many issues with it, minus the album’s sound being generic. It’s still done well for what it is, so I have to give it credit for that. I’ve listened to some of their stuff with Jonny Craig, too, just to get some context for what they sounded like before this record (I’ve also heard their last album, too, and I didn’t really like it as much; it’s got a similar sound to this, but it’s more generic and not that interesting), and it’s fine, but really generic post-hardcore that sounds really dated. It sounds like his work with Emarosa in the mid-00s, and not really in a good way, because at least his couple of records with them were very good and influential at the time, whereas this just sounds like sloppy leftovers that were sitting in the fridge for too long. It’s not bad, and you can still enjoy it, but it’s nothing like when it was fresh. This album, though, is a new flavor, especially for this band, and it’s good. I don’t think it’s amazing, or unique, but it’s done well for what it is, and what they’re trying to do. If you want a good, slick, and catchy pop-rock album, you can’t go wrong with this. It’s only 36 minutes, so it’s really short, and it breezes by. It’s over before you really know it, but I’ve been going back to it a lot, especially compared to other albums I’ve been playing this past week. I just cleared out some reviews that have been in the backlog for this past week, including the new Norma Jean and Royal Coda records, which I’ve been debating on reviewing, but I just didn’t know if I wanted to. The more I thought about it, the more I thought I should, because I haven’t gone back to those as much as I’d hoped, but this one is a ton of fun. If you’re looking for something catchy, this is a great option, but I would like to hear more unique ideas from them, so hopefully they keep making records and keep moving their sound forward. I’d love to hear more.

[catharsisbykiki]

I will most likely never send this to you

Dear Hannah,

I will most likely never send this to you, because you deserve better than to be bothered by a girl you knew over a decade ago. A girl who was connected to the person who traumatised you the most- or at least I hope no one else has taken that spot.

I hope you’re doing well. I used to check your social media often, but I feel I need to stop being so obsessed with people from the past, so I haven’t for a little while.

I wonder if you looked me up after it all. I doubt it, but who knows.

I saw David recently, in the city centre. What would you have done if you saw him? Have you ever seen him since? I went up to him and spoke to him. I’m inclined to say you would have done the opposite. Maybe because you’re smarter than me. Or maybe we just respond differently to trauma. I don’t know. My guess is that you’re more boundaried than me, which I suppose is smarter really.

I was awful to you back then. I know I’ve said it before. And deep down I know you wouldn’t hold a grudge for it. I was so young- we both were. I think for a time I thought I was victim #1 because I was the younger of us, but to be honest I think you had it worse- I wish it wasn’t true. Though I suppose the only reason he wasn’t aggressive with me is because the emotional manipulation worked so well on me and I was so willing to gratify him. David has admitted he was shittier to you, too (we emailed back and forth after I saw him, but have stopped now) though understandably that’s probably no consolation. It’s interesting because even as recently as a few years ago I probably would have been offended by that admission from him. It would have made me feel less important, as self-absorbed as admitting that makes me feel. But I no longer feel the need to have been the special one. We were both special in spite of how he treated us. We were (and are I’m sure!) vibrant, beautiful, full of life young women. And smart, too- we just ignored our intuition when it came to him. This song lyric would have been so relevant at the time: “You like a certain type of woman who’s smart but neglects intuition. When you’re insecure, could be me, could be her- you just run to whoever is winning”.

Speaking of songs, Olivia Rodrigo’s ‘Lacy’ reminds me so much of how I felt about you back then. I don’t know whether that’s flattering or creepy. But sometimes I wondered whether I was in love with David or you lmao. I was just so incredibly jealous of you, almost to the point of infatuation. I thought you were just gorgeous (and still do, just in a less creepy, obsessive way!), that I wanted to be you. Maybe a lot of that is because I thought David might love me more lol. But also because I thought you were just so cool and effortless. Any spiteful behaviour on my part truly was just 100% jealousy. I feel embarrassed by it now, and so regretful that I didn’t listen to you when you told me how awful he was. But I was just so infatuated with him- so groomed. I know you understand because you were, too.

I don’t think he loved either of us though, as I’m sure you can agree. He loved how we made him feel. I don’t think he was capable of love at the time; he was far too selfish. Maybe he appreciated different parts of us, but I don’t think either of us was the winner. We both lost by having known him.

I was going to say you’re the one person who had a very similar experience with the same toxic person, but I'm inclined to believe he hurt other girls in the same way, unfortunately. But you’re the one person I know of, the one person I’ve spoken to. And so I just wonder about you, and how you feel about it all now. I wonder if it fucked you up the same way it did me. I hope it didn’t fuck you up at all, but I know you said it had in the past. And how couldn't it have? I hope at least that you have been able to heal the vast majority of any wounds caused by him. I thought I had for a very long time, but perhaps I just repressed it. I think a lot of my previous mental health struggles lead back to him in a way that wasn’t immediately obvious.

I thought I was so cool and resilient ten years ago. But a decade on, I find myself obsessively thinking about him. I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that but I try to be compassionate to myself. I think it’s a trauma bond, albeit a very outdated washed up one. Do you feel it, too? Or did you at any point?

I can forgive what he did to me, but I hate so much what he did to you. I hope your current partner is kind and wholesome and loving in the way that you always deserved.

But I feel empathy for David, too. I don’t know if that’s insulting to you, but I can’t help how I feel. To not feel empathy for him would go against my personality. Hurt people hurt people, right? He still shouldn’t have done any of it and it will never be right. Two things can be true at once: I have compassion for him and I hate what he did. From our email exchange, I do get the sense he’s changed. Which I’m happy about, for both his sake and for the sake of any woman (hopefully of an appropriate age!) he interacts with. And I guess for us too, because it feels like some kind of indirect justice. But maybe he hasn’t changed. I can still believe though, if it makes me feel better. It’s up to me; that’s my power. And even if he hasn’t changed, he will never be in a position to hurt me again.

I will forever be reprocessing what happened, I think. I don’t know if you feel the same. Maybe if I ever have a teenage child, it will truly sink in. Another lyric that comes to mind: “if my child needed protection from a fucker like that man, I’d sooner gut him ‘cos nothing cuts like a mother”.

To end this rambling that has no use beyond catharsis, I wish you all the very best in life, Hannah. He did such a good job of turning us against each other, and I hate that. I hate how selfish I was back then, but I was a teenager after all. Funny to think I believed I was mature for my age. I'm so grateful for the kindness you showed to me; at some points you felt like an older, wiser sister. Even if I no longer look for you online, I will always be rooting from you from afar.

And though I'm hesitant to reach out, I would always be glad to hear from you.

Lots of love,

K x

[vitaminwaterreviews]

After School - Virgin

Okay… Wow. Like, wow. I expected … I dunno, kinda shitty synthpop, something along the lines of Twicetagram? But it turns out First Love isn’t the exception to their sound: it’s actually a pretty good representation of what they can do. I really need to see the song average for my own sake, so let’s see:

Average score of 8.1 which is stupidly high compared to what I was expecting. But this album kind of shattered every expectation that I had for it. It was well-written, it was well-arranged, it kept me interested the whole way though. Raina impressed me, Nana and Lizzy did more of the Orange Caramel thing, the trainees blended in just fine. The MV was a bit weird but honestly kind of wholesome in the end.

And ultimately, this album really wanted me to look into more of their discography. Like, I keep coming back to the word “mature.” And when I say that, I don’t mean sexy: I mean mature. And this was just 2011! They existed for several years before and after this, with subunits and japanese releases and all of that. So I guess now I have so much more to look into.

-

Alright, I’ve just done some cursory Googling and already this album seems crazy. It’s got re-recorded versions of various singles, as well as some solo- and unit-songs. So really, less than half of this album is actually new, full-group content. But even more interesting, it features Kyung-Min, a “pre-school girl,” which is kind of a weird way of saying “trainee”. So I looked into it, and it seems like she won some sort of contest to become the newest member of After School, but she never actually debuted with the group! The only references to her are short, like a single sentence, so that’s kinda neat. Anyway, I heard Bang! one time like a year ago and I don’t remember a thing about it except that it was marching band themed.

Let’s Step Up

Steps

Breath?

More steps

Oh okay it’s rhythmic

Lol this is really cool

Okay here’s the synth

Yes I’m ready

“Ah ah hi ah ah ha”

Yeah this is cool, I really like this

9/10, I’m such a sucker for a good intro

Shampoo

I’ll watch the MV for this one, but not the others

Well she certainly is wearing a backpack

Photos

Oh okay we’re synthy now

Butts

Wow look at those waists

Yeah this is more or less what we’d expect

Dude what is this filter though

This song feels super AKB to me for some reason

Actually … maybe that makes sense

Yeah that groove with this instrumentation

The MV is lowkey kinda wholesome tho

Oh no she felllll

Okay wait but

Huh

Yeah that’s … a bit awkward

That said I do appreciate a nice instrumental break in a song

Wait whatttt no way she looks like 12

I know I haven’t talked much about the song but I’m vibing

I’m gonna Wikipedia this before I rate it

Wait there is no Wikipedia article!

Well my guess is that the new girl is E-Young, bc this probably would’ve been her first thing with the group

Alternatively its a pre-school girl

If it is E-Young, then she’s 18 in the video, so fair enough I guess

Okay wait these lyrics are kinda wild

Honestly I might regret this buuuuut

9/10

Virgin

Mkay we’re all buzzy now

It suddenly occurs to me that I don’t actually know Madonna’s Like A Virgin off the top of my head, and maybe that’s an issue here

Pretty straightforward synthpop so far though, kinda want more from it

“Diva diva diva”

Mkay that was a nice bridge, I’ll give it that

Also I really do enjoy the Vibe of this song

8/10

Bang !

Mkay yep we have some horns going on here

I dunno what to think of this tbh, I feel like I really ought to be seeing the MV here

Pretty vocal harmonies

I’m not convinced that this is very similar to the Bang! that I heard a while ago

But also I don’t know a thing about that Bang! so who knows

Okay I just clicked through the original and it’s pretty damn similar so I dunno

7/10

Play Ur Love

Mmmm this is nice

What a coincidence, I also wanna stay with them!

Woah her vocal tone is So neat here

Wait why the random synth?

This is unironically pretty though, like if you didn’t tell me that this was After School then I’d have guessed like, Apink maybe

9/10, I feel like I should stop giving these out so freely but I’m honestly so impressed by this

Dream

Pre-school girl #1

Nice 6/8 groove

This is fun, I dunno if I buy it though

Okay well the bridge kinda just saved this song for me, I was getting bored but that tied it together really nicely

Haha the saxophone

8/10 I guess finneeee

Because of You

Mmm piano

Whispering and vocoded vocals

Oh okay we get a nice hard rap out of nowhere

I totally buy this

I think strong rapping over an otherwise airy song is one of my favorite tropes

Also kind of getting 2NE1 Go Away vibes from the chorus and the vocoding

8/10

Depend on Time

Mkay, groovy

Nice acoustic guitar and kind of a slow jam groove

But it’s not a slow jam it’s more folky

Mmmm okay now that the bass is here, maybe it’s a slow jam

Their vocals! Are impressing me!

Mkay I guess this definitely fills the slow jam role, but it’s not nearly as … obnoxious as some others

Maybe I should revisit some of the old SM albums sometime

WHY ARE THE VOCALS SO PRETTY THOUGH

Ohhhh wait that was just Raina?? That’s actually fucking crazy holy shit

9/10, I just had to re-listen, I am so impressed by her like wow

Nothing to complain of

Piano moment

Honestly I’m amazed by how mature this album is? Like yeah they do their sexy thing and all that, but it’s clearly well-written and arranged and like it’s just well done

Compare to Twicetagram

Okay, this is the slow jam haha

I’m just never going to get over that Raina song though like wow

8/10

Funky Man

Right after I just got done calling them mature lmao

No for real though this is Great so far like wow

Nana, Lizzy, and a pre-schooler

Like, this feels way more Orange Caramel than Depend on Time

Although I think I do prefer Depend on Time more

Still, I appreciate this a lot, and it fits well in terms I album structure

Guitar moment

Yeah, this is nice

8/10

My Bell

I dunno who Jung-A is but apparently this is her solo

Well she certainly has a pretty voice

I would enjoy this song a lot more if IU did it, and I’m not sure if that’s because I prefer IU’s voice, or if it’s because IU’s name carries that much weight in my mind

It’s not a bad song at all, but I don’t really care for her voice in it, and also I don’t really care for the OST-style ballads

6/10

When I Fall

Piano~

Oh okay nice, glad we get a good beat here

And that was a synth hit

Lovely harmonies

Honestly this feels SO f(x) so far

Like if this was just casually the last song on Red Light or whatever then it wouldn’t feel at all out of place

(I love Paper Heart though don’t get me wrong)

I do hope this has like, a Grand Climax or something though

Mkay, it didn’t quite get to where I wanted it to, but still

8/10

[myremains]

I cannot believe Pop Evil are on album number 7, it feels like yesterday I saw them open up in birmingham just before Onyx came out. They’ve been together for 21 years aswell, I feel so old today. Title track “Skeletons” has that blues and country vibe especially with that clinking chain, reassuring relatable lyrics too a really settled but positive vibed song. “Paranoid (Crash & Burn)” is my new jam, I relate to that song so much, also it’s in your face and contagious, absolutely love it. “Who Will We Become” is very bouncy and gritty with another really big chorus for you to wrap your singing voices round, very positive and uplifting stuff, which is like “Worth” but worth for me is more of a deeper emotional feeling with a strong uplifting reminder. “Dead Reckoning” guest features Fit For A King and naturally as you probably already guessed it’s a bruiser of a song, it gives the song a bit of unique character, which is similar to “Wrong Direction” with Devour The Day except that one’s a bit more melodic but still with some strong crunch. I’ve very much got a Shinedown meets Sevendust vibe going on here, which I’m all for and there will never be a time I won’t be, they’ve come such a long way since I first discovered them and they deserve so much credit and recognition for what they’ve done here.

[9/10]

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here bestie and super envious of your vacation, it looks beautiful where your at!! Meanwhile I'm roasting my ass off here in TX, living my best vampire life where my window coverings don't allow a drop of sunlight in. Anyway, fun story about this week's song, I was thinking about Michael in the episode, and how it reminded me soooo much of Buck in general but specifically got me thinking about the amazing story To Be Found and how similar he was to Buck in the first dew chapters, so I

had to immediately reread that fic, and somewhere around mid chp. 2 I realized "Oh God, we gave to do Silhouettes!!!" It's so perfect for both Michael and Buck, both of them wishing for so much of their childhood that the people raising them would "wake up tomorrow and regret the pain" and how that plays into both of their abandonment issues. So I guess this a crying about Michael and Buck song week (and them being shown by Alex and Eddie they are indeed "loved, so loved".

My vacation was soooo nice! I love being near the water (though not IN the water where we were staying for jellyfish related reasons *shudder*) and while it was about 50% more humidity than my dry, desert dwelling ass was used to, the ocean breeze kept things cool and pleasant! I was also free to sit and plan out my Vlambase purchases and spend WAY more money than I should have because there’s no rules on vacation! Right? .....RIGHT?! (shhhh don’t tell my bank account what I did!) However as delightful as it was, it was still an 11.5 hour drive home, made longer by a stop for my mom to buy some hermit crabs,  detours thanks to Google maps, a long rest stop because mom wasn’t feeling well, construction leading to almost an hour sitting in traffic, and my mom getting sick. So I definitely arrived home....less well rested than I would have liked.

BUT I’m working on my inbox now! I’m going to do this one from last week and maybe my 4x01 posts before diving into the new episode and then doing those asks and my 4x02 posts but I’m getting it done this weekend so I can be caught up for Tuesday. (This is the problem with not being able to watch live, if I can put something off, I absolutely will. Yay executive disfunction! 🙄) 

I’ve got my wine spritzer open and my brain ready for some feels, so let’s dive in! “To Be Found” is an amazing fic and I am inconsolable about feral little Michael and Buck in the fic being literally a feral werewolf when Eddie takes him in. If you somehow haven’t read this one, absolutely do, it’s phenomenal. Silhouettes is....OOF, it’s such a good song but an absolute gut punch. It also gets me in my Alex feels, especially when he thinks that the stroke his dad had “fixed” whatever made Jesse hate him so much 🥺🥺🥺 If a character you love would relate to this song, please wrap them up in a blanket for 2-5 business days. Aside from the lyrics being able to absolutely wreck me, the music itself is soooo pretty, and soft, and feels like sitting in the dusk with your pain, and someone you love sitting shoulder to shoulder with you, just allowing you to exist and feel your feelings. We talked about this song for Malex, and even then I was in my Evan Buckley feels though I did pretty good at staying on task with Malex. I’m sure to reiterate some of the same stuff but we are for sure adding Buck and also Eddie into the mix here because I have no self control and it’s crying hours for my boys! I’ll also be using the video of the dancers in silhouette again because it’s stunning to watch. Okay, lets dig into those lyrical feels!

you wrote your name in invisible ink, for you were so afraid of what they might think. but the scars they left, they were loud and clear, weren’t they? weren’t they?

This opening just drops you right in the deep end, huh? I know so many people who relate to hiding away parts of themselves, afraid of what their parents/family/friends/authority figures would think, and that kind of existence leaves scars behind for sure. In the case of our boys, for Michael it was hiding his very nature, that he wasn’t even human. For Alex, it was hiding his sexuality. For Eddie and Buck it was more about trying to be who they thought their parents wanted them to be. And when they all inevitably failed, hiding away those softer, more vulnerable parts of themselves in hopes that they wouldn’t get hurt again, and hoping no one else could see how broken they felt they were. 

when it’s too much to bare, memories erase. a disappearing act, deserving of our thanks. when it surfaces, just hold your breath and swim. just swim.

This line gets me particularly in my “army boys with PTSD” feels for Alex and Eddie, though we know Michael and Buck have their deep traumas as well. I’m just thinking of Eddie especially from 5b and his “just keep going” attitude finally failing him and how much better he looks now having confronted his fears, and started finding healthier ways of dealing with them. While we didn’t see it on screen (because it’s RNM so naturally we wouldn’t 🙄), Alex also looks so much better than he did when he first came back, showing that he’s been putting in the work as well. We also got to see Michael and Buck supporting their men through breakdowns in their last seasons soooo, fingers crossed we get Michael and Buck breakdowns in their new seasons!

you begged and begged for some kind of change: maybe they’d wake up tomorrow and regret the pain that they’ve passed down to you like DNA, but no luck, no luck.

Oof, oof, oof. This line hits particularly hard. I’m thinking about pre-teen Michael being burned during an exorcism, of teen Alex being abused, and watching as Michael was maimed in front of him. I thinking of little Eddie wrecking a truck because he was the “man of the house” and though that meant at 10 he needed to drive his mom to the hospital when she went into labor, an act of love and devotion from him that was punished, like many of the moments he showed his softer side were, until he didn’t know how to feel anything anymore. I’m thinking of Buck being a ghost in his own house, not knowing why his parents didn’t love him, why they looked through him all the time, and how even after confronting them, they didn’t show remorse for how they made him feel. BRB gotta go cry for an hour.

it seems only by the hand of God or death, will they truly change their silhouettes. for a miracle or a consequence, you wait and wait…

I am IN my Alex feels for this one of course, thinking about Jesse’s death and how much that changed things for Alex at that point. How he had hoped for change, but ultimately Jesse didn’t want to change and ended up facing the consequences of his actions. But with the season 3 hindsight, I’m also thinking about Michael and meeting Dallas, an alien AND a man of faith who sees the hand of god instead of just coincidences in their meeting. How Michael is opening his eyes to the people around him that he DID have when he needed them. How his siblings may not have always understood or related to him how he needed, but that they always loved him. How Sanders may not have been allowed to adopt him but was still there and still a safe place for Michael to be. How Alex was brought home still alive, a miracle with them finding each other again, and finding their way through the struggle to their love. On the sadder side, I’m also thinking about savior baby Buck and how with Daniel’s death, his parents changed, and he and Maddie suffered the consequences, and how he kept waiting for something he did to be enough for them. 🥺🥺🥺

… maybe distance is the only cure? far away from hurt is where healing occurs. but all you really want to do is make them proud, don’t you? don’t you?

Ooooh, this one has me in ALL the feels! Alex joining the military to get away from Roswell, Michael running away to sit at Foster Ranch, and eventually keeping his airstream away from everyone, and keeping emotional distance from his siblings, Buck running away across the country and outside of it, looking for home and family that he couldn’t find in Pennsylvania, Eddie enlisting (twice) and eventually realizing his parents weren’t changing and leaving for LA to get some distance from them, and how much better all of them were able to thrive with the distance, but weren’t ever really healed because the source of the hurt wasn’t addressed. How all of them just wanted to make the people they loved, who loved or were supposed to love them, proud. Even if it was an impossible wish because for some of them, the only way to make those people proud was to NOT be themselves. I love, love, love though that 2 of these people are working towards healing because sometimes change CAN occur! Michael, Max, and Isobel are working on being close again, and Michael has people who know and love him and are proud of him for exactly who he is. Eddie found out his dad faced the same pressures he himself did, and they both want to do better. We love to see it!  

it must be so hard, in the mess you’re always cleaning up, to believe in the ghost of unbroken love. but i promise you, the truth is that you’re loved. so loved.

And here we are again, at the spark of hope Ryan always leaves us with. The acknowledgement that it’s hard being left with the mess of other people’s emotions and baggage and generational trauma. And that hurt passes down and the cycle is so hard to break, and the work isn’t ever really done to unlearn all that stuff. But our boys have found each other, have built up new families, and new parental figures, and have worked to stop passing the hurt around. They aren’t perfect at it all the time, but having someone to remind them how loved they are certainly helps when they are struggling to remember.

Thanks for picking a feels trip song, bestie! It’s been awhile since it’s been crying hours about our boys! I’m looking forward to getting to watch the new episode and getting to the rest of my inbox about it, but for now, enjoy this nugget of feelings!

[a-pop-of-korean]

K-Pop Breakdown: Taeyeon - “Can’t Control Myself”

안녕하세요! Today I have another breakdown that I got a request for! If you have a song you’d like to see broken down, please let me know and I’ll try to fulfill it! 

I got the lyrics and the translations from the music video, so go check it out! I also used Naver Dictionary to help me with this breakdown! Let’s get into it! 

키만 훌쩍 커버린 / 어른아이 같아 / 진심이 없는 네 말에 / 감당하지 못 할 / 감정을 택했잖아

Like a grown-up who grew tall but is still a child / Your insincere words / Made me choose feelings / That I can’t handle

키 = height

-만 is attached to nouns to mean “only”

훌쩍 = swiftly; smoothly

크다 = to be big

키가 크다 = to be tall

[verb/adjective stem] + 아/어버리다 means that something has been done to completion. It typically expresses a certain emotion as a result of that completion. In this case, perhaps it shows that this person is done growing and maybe expresses an emotion like regret or surprise at the fact that this person is no longer a child.

어른 = adult

아이 = child

어른아이 I guess means “adult child,” as in a childish adult.

같다 = to be similar; to be like

진심이 없다 = to have no sincerity; to be insincere

네 = your

말 = words

[verb stem] + 는 allows you to use that verb to describe a noun. So, 진심이 없는 네 말 means “your words that have no sincerity” or, more naturally, “your insincere words.”

감당하다 = to handle 

[verb stem] + 지 못 하다 = to not be able to [verb]

감정 = feelings

[verb stem] + ㄹ/을 also allows you to describe nouns with that verb, but in the future tense. So 감당하지 못 할 감정 literally means “feelings that I won’t be able to handle.”

택하다 = to choose

[verb stem] + 잖아(요) has the nuance of assuming that the listener already knows or would agree with the statement the speaker is making. It’s essentially like “you know your insincere words made me choose feelings I can’t handle.”

I think the fact that 말 has -에 attached to it means that the line literally translates to “I chose feelings that I can’t handle in your insincere words,” as in she chose those feelings because of those words.

상처를 되돌리기엔 / 늦어버렸어

It’s too late to reverse the scar

상처 = scar

-를 is an object particle, showing that 상처 is the object of the sentence. More about particles here!

되돌리다 = to reverse; to turn back

늦다 = late

[verb] + 기 is one way to turn a verb into a noun, which is essentially just for grammatical purposes. In this particular example, 되돌리기에는 늦다 means “too late to turn back” or “too late for turning back.” 되돌리기 is acting as a noun in this sentence.

미쳤다 해도 뭐 어때?

So what if you call me crazy?

미치다 = crazy

[verb/adjective stem] + 았/었다 puts it into the past tense. Usually 미치다 is conjugated into the past tense even though it refers to someone currently being crazy. I’m not too sure why this is, but if I had to guess, I would say it’s because if you’re crazy, you’ve already gone crazy; you’ve fallen into insanity already. Not quite sure if this is correct tho lol.

[adjective stem] + 다고 하다 is a way of indirectly quoting. 미쳤다고 하다 means to say that someone/something is crazy. The -고 can be dropped.

[verb/adjective stem] + 아/어도 means “even if/though [verb/adjective].”

뭐 어때? = so what?

네 앞에선 모든 게 / 잘 통제가 안 돼 / 다 터질 것만 같아

In front of you / Everything becomes out of control / It feels like everything is going to explode

네 앞에선 = 네 앞에서는 = In front of you

네 = your (informal)

앞 = front

-에서 is a location particle that essentially means “at.”

모든 게 = 모든 것이 = everything

잘 = well

통제되다 = to be controlled

통제가 안 되다, therefore, means “to not be controlled,” since 안 means “not.”

다 = everything; all

터지다 = to explode 

[verb stem] + ㄹ/을 것 같다 means that you think that something will happen or that something/someone will do that verb.

I think the -만 here also means “only” or “just,” probably just for emphasis or to make the whole sentence sound stronger.

That’s about it for this breakdown! Be sure to check out my masterlist below to see the other breakdowns I’ve done! See you in the next lesson! 다음에 또 봐요!

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[pascalpanic]

Lovely Josie! Can I request a Frankie piece? Where reader is part of the friend group and really into Frankie. She knows he's also into her but just typical insecure Frankie. So she flirts with him and tries to seduce him every chance she gets until one day she's had enough and really goes for it. And if course Frankie likes it 😇 Merci!

Spicy-Sweet (Frankie Catfish Morales x f!Reader)

summary: ^^

W/C: 4.3K

Warnings: lots of talk of alcohol, food, god Frankie’s an idiot but a cute one, so much pining and flirting, implied age gap and Frankie’s insecure over it, Frankie has a brief and mild anxiety attack but is comforted

A/N: this is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, I really hope you guys enjoy it!

Bucky- that was what the men called you. When you’d first joined the group of men, it’d been as Pope’s friend, a shock to all of them; you weren’t sleeping together, weren’t sneaking around. Just friends. That threw them for a loop. You were always at his side, his right-hand wing-woman. Frankie had been a little put off at first that he’d been replaced, but he grew to like you just as much as the other men. That’s how you’d earned Bucky: Cap’s sidekick, Pope’s sidekick.

When you finally bonded with the rest of them, became friends with them, you were less Pope’s sidekick and more yourself. You grew to love the men for different things. Benny was always there to cheer you up, full of bad jokes and energy. He’d take you out when a date stood you up, buy you a beer on your shittiest days. Will Miller was a shoulder to cry on. He was smart, strong, emotionally intelligent. Wise beyond his years, Ironhead always had the best advice for you. Pope was the partier, and was the one who got things done. Organizing plans was his forte. He loved getting the group together to hang out, and was the only one who could rally the group.

Frankie was all of that and more. Everything. Frankie had caught your eye the moment Pope introduced you to the men. Frankie was the quietest, even quieter than Will. He never enjoyed the spotlight, especially when you were new, but he loved making his friends laugh. He was comforting and helpful, lending you a jacket or helping you with a manual labor task you couldn’t quite get.

Frankie is the one you have a crush on. All of the men have their attributes, and you have to admit that any of them would make a good boyfriend and surely a good lover, but they are and always have been brotherly first. Frankie was something different. You wanted to stay in his arms forever, wanted to kiss the bald patch on his jaw and steal his Hawaiian shirts. You tease him endlessly to hide your feelings, though never in a mean way at all. Always soft and joking, always reciprocated by the teddy bear of a man.

You were the same to him; the first time he saw you, he thought he wanted to marry you someday. He loves your laugh and your humor, loves the way you nudge his side and even though it’s a little painful, wants you to do it again just so he can feel your body touching his. He loves how you can hold court over the men with your stories, can get them to agree on the most divisive of issues. He’d even proposed once that you become Cap, not Bucky. You were clearly a leader. But Santiago brushed it off by saying that Bucky was getting his own show now, so he’s just fine, and besides pendejo, you can’t change a nickname once it's been given.

Emotionally constipated Frankie is just fine to sit to the sidelines. If he has one principle with love and friends, it’s that he’d rather have you as a friend than not have you at all. That’s why he doesn’t necessarily openly flirt with you, why he suppresses his feelings until it’s late at night and he’s alone and can daydream about your pretty face and tight jeans and the crinkle of your nose when you smile.

You’re different. You wear that green shirt you know Frankie always ogles you in when it’s a night out. You buy him a drink or two. You insist he dance with you, take him on errands with you on a Saturday morning. You can read the man; you’re pretty damn sure he likes you too, but you don’t want to ruin it. Rushing him is the last thing on your mind.

-

As you wander through the farmer’s market on a spring Sunday morning, you shiver as the breeze rushes past your bare arms. Frankie doesn’t notice; he’s too busy admiring a booth selling hot honey. You can’t help but laugh as he delightedly samples a spoon of the syrupy-sweet-spicy product, and turns to you with wide eyes. “Bucky, you gotta try this,” he insists, handing you a sample spoon.

Nodding, you give in and taste it. The flavor on your tongue reminds you of Frankie if he were a flavor: a little spicy, but more of a warm feeling. Infinitely sticky-sweet, floral and tasting of sunshine. There’s heat, just a little, enough to awaken your tastebuds and mingle with the honey perfectly. “That’s good shit. How much is it?” You ask the vendor.

A few minutes later, you walk away with two bottles. You hand one to Frankie. “Here. This is for you,” you tell him with an earnest smile.

Frankie’s brows slide together beneath the brim of his favorite ball cap. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” you shrug and pat his cheek, your path curving to the right as you approach a bakery stall.

The morning is sunny and just slightly cold, making you shiver every so often. Sweet Frankie walks dutifully at your side like the dogs and their owners similarly strolling the tent-lined sidewalk. His eyes light up as he sees breads and flowers, homemade jerky and beautiful jewelry. The variety is exciting, and you often hear Frankie shouting for you from a new booth.

While you admire the jewelry made of local stones, something warm and soft covers your shoulders. You look down to find that it’s Frankie’s suede brown jacket. “You looked cold,” he tells you and turns a little pink before patting your shoulder and wandering off.

At the end of the day, you have a full reusable bag, brimming with goodies: a small bright bouquet, two loaves of bread, cookies, fresh berries, and a bottle of hot honey. Frankie’s is similarly stuffed, though it’s with much more unhealthy choices. The two of you sit on a grassy hill, munching on a pack of thumbprint cookies Frankie purchased.

The morning sun is just starting to warm up, but the jacket you’re now wearing is cozy. You lean your head on Frankie’s shoulder as the two of you rest there without words, lost in your own thoughts.

God, he’s so cute. So sweet. A little stupid. Just how I like them. Is my flirting not obvious enough to him? You wonder internally.

Frankie’s thoughts are similar but different. She’s so sweet. She’s so nice to me. I wonder if she’d ever like me like that.

-

Partying is Pope’s favorite pastime. The man enjoys getting shitfaced and taking a similarly drunk date home. Lord knows what they do; you’re glad you don’t. That leaves you and the Millers and Frankie. You and Benny dance and sing karaoke, twirling and shouting the lyrics to the song blasting in the bar. Frankie and Will sit on the sidelines.

That’s exactly where tonight has found you. A surprisingly sober Pope has gone home with a pretty girl he flirted with briefly before she tugged him by the jacket sleeve. He shot a look of excitement at the four of you before leaving.

Now, Benny requested his favorite song through the pay-per-tune machine in the corner. You’d squealed and dragged him out, dancing with him on the wooden floor the bar provides. Frankie can’t help but think the two of you would make a good couple. The two of you are full of sarcasm and energy at most times, around the same age. Frankie’s a bit older, and he can’t help but think that it would be weird for you, that it would prevent him from liking you. If only he knew.

Benny does, actually. He’s annoyed that your group doesn’t give him enough credit for his smarts. He might be mostly muscle, but he’s packing brains too. He’s great at observing social interactions, and he can especially tell that there’s something between the two of you. He’s learned his best friend like he knows how to drive or what his own phone number is. Benny knows Frankie, and he knows he won’t make the first move for fear of upsetting you. That’s why he’s taken it upon himself to be your blonde, blue eyed Cupid and queued up Frankie’s favorite song next.

You know it’s his favorite song. Of course you do. When it comes on, you turn to the bar with wide eyes and wave to catch Frankie’s attention, then wave him over. Benny says something or another and wanders off. It takes some nonverbal persuading, some pleading eyes and pouting to the man, but Frankie eventually adjusts his jeans and gets up, leaving that suede jacket behind on his barstool.

“It’s your song!” you exclaim as you throw your arms around him, starting to dance along with him. He moves back with you, though nowhere near as fluid or free.

He shakes his head but smiles, and you flick the brim of his cap. “Oh come on, you love this song. Don’t be such a dope,” you tease and grab his hips, forcing him to move them a little more than the stiff motions he’s making.

“I am a dope,” he mumbles and you roll your eyes, moving in a way that invites Frankie to move back against it. It’s a two-person dance, and you’re starting to get him moving.

Chuckling, you look up at him. “You ever seen Footloose?” you ask him.

He blows a raspberry into the air, laughing. “Of course I have. It’s my favorite movie.”

“Then how come you can’t dance?” You tease.

Frankie makes a noise of mock-injury, clutching his chest. “Damn, Bucky. Right in the heart.”

You giggle and rest your head on his shoulder. “I was going to say that you remind me of Willard. I guess that’s fitting though. You can’t dance.”

His scent is the only thing you can think about, the way his cologne is spicy and sweet on his flushed skin, warm from having you in such close proximity. “Does that make Pope Ren?”

“And it makes me whatever the girl who dates Willard is named,” you shamelessly flirt, swaying him to the side as the song changes in keys.

If there was anything in Frankie’s mouth right now, he’d be choking. Maybe it’s just because you’re dancing together, he rationalizes. Maybe it’s just because you wouldn’t want to date Pope. It can’t be because you like him. That’s not even a thought that crosses his mind. “Ha. Sure,” he shakes his head, taking off his cap and teasingly placing it backwards on your head.

It’s loose on your head, and you laugh as you look up at him. Frankie has that feeling again in his gut: he’s going to marry you someday. It can’t be the alcohol, not in either of you. You’ve both only had a drink each. No, in this moment he realizes the depth of how bad he wants you, but he cannot comprehend that you want him too. There’s no way you could ever love a man like Francisco Morales, he tells himself. But he wants you to. He aches for you to.

The song ends and the ache only grows. Frankie is not a dancer. This is his time to retire to the barstool. “Well, thank you for holding my hat,” he teases you and steals it back, putting it on himself and patting your side before wandering back to his spot next to Will.

You frown, but then Benny finds you again and the energy returns somewhat. You long to feel Frankie’s arms around you again, to dance with him and whisper jokes next to his ear so that you can feel the way his laugh buzzes in his chest. You consider buying another play of Frankie’s song later, but that would be suspicious. You’ll have to find another way, but you have to do it soon; you’re not sure how much longer you can last before you combust from not getting to kiss his soft lips, to feel his scruff beneath your fingertips as you cup his face and finally close the gap between the two of you.

-

Frankie is much too old for parties. He’d decided that even a few years ago now, that that sort of thing was best left to the young bucks who could drink endlessly and awaken with only a mild headache. How the hell Benny had talked him into attending this party, he wasn’t sure, but he knew that you’d be there and that was enough for him.

You’re not a big partier either; you can get wild, but only around your friends, usually only with Benny there to egg you on and hand you shot after shot. You don’t particularly like getting drunk, just enough alcohol to make things a bit lighter. Benny and Santiago were the ones who’d insisted you and Frankie come along to this party a mutual friend of theirs is hosting.

Of course, the boys wanted you two there but had failed to mention they were each bringing dates. When you wandered in with Benny and a girl flung herself onto him, peppering his blonde stubble with kisses, you’d quickly learned that you weren’t going to get a good night with your favorite guys. Santiago was similarly taken, a girl draped across his lap in a busy living room, each of them holding a drink. He’d given you a two-finger salute as you wandered to the kitchen, kind of annoyed.

You’d dressed a little nicer, though nothing too special, and you immediately hoped at least Frankie and Will would be around tonight to hang out with. Will’s not a big partier, though he’s a little more social than you and Frankie. Your phone buzzes in your back pocket and your face falls as you read the text.

Ironhead: sorry guys. Not gonna make it out tonight.

He provides no explanation why; Will never does. You know better than to question it. Your only hope now is that Frankie doesn’t blow you off.

Frankie could never. The promise of you being at the party was enough for him to meticulously shave and spray that cologne he knows you love on his flannel, which you’ll surely ask for because you’re always cold. He’s not here yet, so you lean against the kitchen counter and crack open a hard seltzer as you look around. Bringing your drink with you, you hit the bathroom and when you return, there’s a familiar ball cap poking above the crowd, labeled with Standard Heating & Oil. Frankie.

Sneaking up behind him, you snatch the cap from his head and put it on yourself. “Hey, pilot,” you sing as he turns and his face lights up to see you. His hair is still slightly damp from the shower, leaving an indent in those curls from where the cap was.

“Goddamnit, Buck,” he laughs and tries to steal it back, but you dodge out of the way.

“Looks like it’s just us tonight, flyboy,” you sigh as you prop an elbow on his shoulder and look around, finding Benny and his girl making out on the dance floor and Santiago playing with a woman’s hair on the couch.

Frankie has to admit he’s okay with that. “They didn’t tell me they’d be bringing dates,” you grumble. Frankie holds back a chuckle. This was most definitely planned, Wingman Benny embracing his role in forcing the two of you together. Frankie couldn’t say he was too upset about it, in all honesty. “Come on, let’s get you a drink,” you shake your head and grab Frankie by the bicep, trying not to shiver at how muscular his arms are.

In the kitchen, you toy with the hem of his shirt as he mixes himself an old fashioned from the vast cocktail bar. “I love this one,” you murmur absentmindedly, admiring the worn fabric and the ripping seams at the hem. It’s so perfectly Frankie: an old black Fleetwood Mac shirt, nearly falling apart. There are holes in the hems and under the left armpit but it always smells sweet and spicy, just like him, and feels like a security blanket. “Looks good on you.”

“Looks like a piece of shit. I need to just throw it out, but I can’t bring myself to,” he chuckles as he finally takes a sip of his drink. He knows the reason he can’t: you love it too much.

“Good,” you nod and set down your hard seltzer, making yourself a drink.

“What you got there?” he asks as he watches you stir up a concoction.

“Essentially the same as you. Old fashioned but with Fireball instead of regular whiskey.”

“You seem to like the spicy-sweet thing, don’t you?” he teases.

God, if only he knew. “Spicy-sweet, just like someone else I know,” you tease him and nudge your shoulder with his. “Maybe that’s why I like you so much.”

Frankie’s heart does several backflips in a row, complete with a roundoff and a cartwheel. He’d earn the gold in the Olympics, the way his heart tumbles and turns in his chest. “Ha,” he laughs dryly, looking down at his own drink, swishing it and watching the ultra-sweet cherry spin through the dark liquid.

The music gets louder from the other room as you and Frankie drink in silence, both of you leaning against the kitchen counter as the amount of alcohol per cup steadily decreases. “I’m gonna go see if I can find Pope,” Frankie finally speaks over the loudening noise, nodding to the living room where everyone is clustered.

“Sure,” you call back, even though he’s just a few feet from you.

It’s practically a maze, trying to find his way through the people. They’re all moving and bouncing, the sound overwhelming him. It’s like a goddamn mosh pit, he thinks, or how it must feel to be buried inside one. How did this party become something like this, and why the hell is he here? Frankie wanders through, getting turned around as the group moves and sways.

His breathing gets heavier, and suddenly Frankie feels suffocated. His primary objective no longer is finding Pope, it’s getting the fuck out of here before this herd stampedes him to death. He feels pathetic and small, like a single fish in a giant school wandering through an abysmally deep sea.

When the tide loosens its hold, when Frankie sees a path, he takes it out. He’s not sure how long he was trapped in there- 20 seconds, a minute, five minutes, but he’s overwhelmed and his head is spinning, his drink somehow gone and lost in the shuffle.

You see him stumble out, looking terrified, and rush over. “Hey, hey, Frankie,” you murmur as you grab his forearms. “Are you okay? Did you find Pope?” You ask, your thumbs tracing over his pulsing veins.

He shakes his head, and you take it as a no for both. “Okay, come on, did you drive here? Is your truck out there?”

He nods and grabs his keys, putting them in your hand. “Alright, pilot, come on. Let’s get you out of here.” You stick the hat back on his head and hope it could maybe bring a sense of normalcy back to him.

Frankie’s head feels like radio static as you bring him to the truck, unlocking it and sliding in first across the bench seat. He follows in after you and closes the door, and he turns the air conditioning on full-blast, feeling desperately hot.

“Hey, hey. Talk to me,” you beg of him, cupping the side of his face with one hand. You shiver under the quick breeze of the vents, the cold air immediately filling the cab of his truck. “What happened?” You ask, just above a whisper, fingers tracing the stubble of his jaw.

His eyes are getting more normal, less panicked and more sane. He must’ve had some kind of anxiety or PTSD moment in the crowd. “Just… thought I was gonna get crushed,” he murmurs, not looking at you.

“Frankie. Let’s breathe together, okay? Look at me.” His eyes find yours and you smile. “Good. Follow me.”

You ground him nearly instantly, your chilled skin under his hands as he grips your upper arms, your soft lips parting to breathe in and out. The flutter of your eyelashes when you close those beautiful eyes, the one that have such a distinct unique color. He would kiss you right now if he had the courage.

He breathes along with you and is calm enough by the second breath to think rationally again. The wave has passed, leaving his body feeling tired and limp. “I-I’m good,” he assures you, tracing his fingers across your skin. “Bucky, you’re freezing.”

“Frankie,” you give a sad chuckle. “I’m supposed to be calming you, and-“

“I’m super hot, please, take this,” he says as he shucks his flannel and hands it to you. “It would help me,” he says simply, enjoying the way the air conditioning more directly contacts his skin without it on.

“Well, okay,” you laugh and slip it on, breathing in the warm scent that is Frankie and sighing contentedly. “See? I love the sweet and spicy thing, like your cologne.”

He shakes his head and looks away. “Oh, stop. You don’t mean that.”

You frown at him. “Frankie. You’re thinking straight again, right?”

He nods.

“Then how aren’t you processing how in love with you I am?” You ask with a soft laugh, resting your head against his shoulder. “I flirt with you endlessly, and it feels like you never pick up on it. So now I’m just going to say it: I like you, Frankie.”

Biting his lip, Frankie looks down at you with slight confusion. “Really?”

You laugh incredulously, burying your face in his neck. “Yes, Frankie, really. I like you a lot. I have since the moment I met you. And I’d like to think you like me too.”

There’s a beat of silence and he nods, taking one of your hands in his and lacing the fingers together. “I really like you too. I’ve been in love with you since the moment we met, Buck,” he admits, wide brown eyes looking down at you with all of the love in his massive heart. “I just… didn’t want to assume anything. You’re so good to me, but you’re so good to the other guys too.”

“Do I buy the other men bottles of hot honey? Have I ever brought a date around like the other guys do?” You ask, lovingly and hoping he sees your point. “I’ve been pining for you for so long, Morales. I just want you to get it through your thick skull that I care for you and I’ve been in love with you for quite a while.”

“I feel stupid,” he mumbles, ears turning pink at the tips. “It was pretty obvious. You’re right.”

“Hey, you’re not stupid,” you assure him and squeeze his fingers. “I personally think it’s fucking adorable that you didn’t want to assume that. I like that, that you didn’t want to do anything first without knowing the same about you. I like all of you, Frankie, from that scruffy beard to these cozy flannels you always let me borrow.”

His heart melts in his chest, reducing him to a puddle. “Then I guess I should ask if you’d be my girl.”

His girl? If you thought he couldn’t get any cuter, you were wrong. You can’t hold back any longer and you swing your leg across his lap, straddling him in the bench seat of his truck. “Can I kiss you, Frankie?” You ask, gently removing his cap and setting it aside.

“God, yes please,” he practically whines as he cups your face in both of his big hands, kissing you deeply and breathing out heavily through his nose.

It’s the best thing you’ve ever felt, Frankie’s body pressed to yours as your lips meet. You both taste that perfect spicy-sweet flavor, the way that’s so Frankie in your head. This might be the sweetest and softest man alive, you think to yourself, and goddamn, you’re lucky, Bucky.

His body radiates the heat of his love and stress and everything, completely melting into yours. You’re never going to stop doing this now that you’ve started. You’re never going a day without holding Frankie like this.

Your legs are firmly planted on either side of him, and Frankie moves his hands to grip your waist and pull you in closer. Shivering at the way he practically manhandles you, you moan into his lips, murmuring his name breathlessly. It’s like the most perfect melody, the way you say it. He mumbles your name back, your real name. Not Bucky.

Your arms wrap around his neck and you press yourself tight against him, running one hand through the soft curls at the nape of his neck. He tastes like heaven, just as perfect as you’ve dreamed about for as long as you’ve known him. When you break away, you smile softly, admiring the way he’s panting beneath you. His head is tilted back to look at you on top of him, his eyes glazed over and cheeks warmed with pounding blood. You gulp and trace the side of his face with feather-light fingertips, admiring his beauty. “God, Francisco,” you murmur. “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

-

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[path-of-my-childhood]

Musicians On Musicians: Paul McCartney & Taylor Swift

By: Patrick Doyle for Rolling Stone Date: November 13th 2020

On songwriting secrets, making albums at home, and what they’ve learned during the pandemic.

Taylor Swift arrived early to Paul McCartney’s London office in October, “mask on, brimming with excitement.” “I mostly work from home these days,” she writes about that day, “and today feels like a rare school field trip that you actually want to go on.”

Swift showed up without a team, doing her own hair and makeup. In addition to being two of the most famous pop songwriters in the world, Swift and McCartney have spent the past year on similar journeys. McCartney, isolated at home in the U.K., recorded McCartney III. Like his first solo album, in 1970, he played nearly all of the instruments himself, resulting in some of his most wildly ambitious songs in a long time. Swift also took some new chances, writing over email with the National’s Aaron Dessner and recording the raw Folklore, which abandons arena pop entirely in favor of rich character songs. It’s the bestselling album of 2020.

Swift listened to McCartney III as she prepared for today’s conversation; McCartney delved into Folkore. Before the photo shoot, Swift caught up with his daughters Mary (who would be photographing them) and Stella (who designed Swift’s clothes; the two are close friends). “I’ve met Paul a few times, mostly onstage at parties, but we’ll get to that later,” Swift writes. “Soon he walks in with his wife, Nancy. They’re a sunny and playful pair, and I immediately feel like this will be a good day. During the shoot, Paul dances and takes almost none of it too seriously and sings along to Motown songs playing from the speakers. A few times Mary scolds, ‘Daaad, try to stand still!’ And it feels like a window into a pretty awesome family dynamic. We walk into his office for a chat, and after I make a nervous request, Paul is kind enough to handwrite my favorite lyric of his and sign it. He makes a joke about me selling it, and I laugh because it’s something I know I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. That’s around the time when we start talking about music.”

Taylor Swift: I think it’s important to note that if this year had gone the way that we thought it was going to go, you and I would have played Glastonbury this year, and instead, you and I both made albums in isolation.

Paul McCartney: Yeah!

Swift: And I remember thinking it would have been so much fun because the times that I’ve run into you, I correlate with being some of the most fun nights of my life. I was at a party with you, when everybody just started playing music. And it was Dave Grohl playing, and you...

McCartney: You were playing one of his songs, weren’t you?

Swift: Yes, I was playing his song called “Best of You,” but I was playing it on piano, and he didn’t recognize it until about halfway through. I just remember thinking, “Are you the catalyst for the most fun times ever?” Is it your willingness to get up and play music that makes everyone feel like this is a thing that can happen tonight?

McCartney: I mean, I think it’s a bit of everything, isn’t it? I’ll tell you who was very... Reese Witherspoon was like, “Are you going to sing?” I said “Oh, I don’t know.” She said, “You’ve got to, yeah!” She’s bossing me around. So I said, “Whoa,” so it’s a bit of that.

Swift: I love that person, because the party does not turn musical without that person.

McCartney: Yeah, that’s true.

Swift: If nobody says, “Can you guys play music?” we’re not going to invite ourselves up onstage at whatever living-room party it is.

McCartney: I seem to remember Woody Harrelson got on the piano, and he starts playing “Let It Be,” and I’m thinking, “I can do that better.” So I said, “Come on, move over, Woody.” So we’re both playing it. It was really nice... I love people like Dan Aykroyd, who’s just full of energy and he loves his music so much, but he’s not necessarily a musician, but he just wanders around the room, just saying, “You got to get up, got to get up, do some stuff.”

Swift: I listened to your new record. And I loved a lot of things about it, but it really did feel like kind of a flex to write, produce, and play every instrument on every track. To me, that’s like flexing a muscle and saying, “I can do all this on my own if I have to.”

McCartney: Well, I don’t think like that, I must admit. I just picked up some of these instruments over the years. We had a piano at home that my dad played, so I picked around on that. I wrote the melody to “When I’m 64” when I was, you know, a teenager.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: When the Beatles went to Hamburg, there were always drum kits knocking around, so when there was a quiet moment, I’d say, “Do you mind if I have a knock around?” So I was able to practice, you know, without practicing. That’s why I play right-handed. Guitar was just the first instrument I got. Guitar turned to bass; it also turned into ukulele, mandolin. Suddenly, it’s like, “Wow,” but it’s really only two or three instruments.

Swift: Well, I think that’s downplaying it a little bit. In my mind, it came with a visual of you being in the country, kind of absorbing the sort of do-it-yourself [quality] that has had to come with the quarantine and this pandemic. I found that I’ve adapted a do-it-yourself mentality to a lot of things in my career that I used to outsource.  I’m just wondering what a day of recording in the pandemic looked like for you.

McCartney: Well, I’m very lucky because I have a studio that’s, like, 20 minutes away from where I live. We were in lockdown on a farm, a sheep farm with my daughter Mary and her four kids and her husband. So I had four of my grandkids, I had Mary, who’s a great cook, so I would just drive myself to the studio. And there were two other guys that could come in and we’d be very careful and distanced and everything: my engineer Steve, and then my equipment guy Keith. So the three of us made the record, and I just started off. I had to do a little bit of film music - I had to do an instrumental for a film thing - so I did that. And I just kept going, and that turned into the opening track on the album. I would just come in, say, “Oh, yeah, what are we gonna do?” [Then] have some sort of idea, and start doing it. Normally, I’d start with the instrument I wrote it on, either piano or guitar, and then probably add some drums and then a bit of bass till it started to sound like a record, and then just gradually layer it all up. It was fun.

Swift: That’s so cool.

McCartney: What about yours? You’re playing guitar and piano on yours.

Swift: Yeah, on some of it, but a lot of it was made with Aaron Dessner, who’s in a band called the National that I really love. And I had met him at a concert a year before, and I had a conversation with him, asking him how he writes. It’s my favorite thing to ask people who I’m a fan of. And he had an interesting answer. He said, “All the band members live in different parts of the world. So I make tracks. And I send them to our lead singer, Matt, and he writes the top line.” I just remember thinking, “That is really efficient.” And I kind of stored it in my brain as a future idea for a project. You know, how you have these ideas... “Maybe one day I’ll do this.” I always had in my head: “Maybe one day I’ll work with Aaron Dessner.”

So when lockdown happened, I was in L.A., and we kind of got stuck there. It’s not a terrible place to be stuck. We were there for four months maybe, and during that time, I sent an email to Aaron Dessner and I said, “Do you think you would want to work during this time? Because my brain is all scrambled, and I need to make something, even if we’re just kind of making songs that we don’t know what will happen...”

McCartney: Yeah, that was the thing. You could do stuff -  you didn’t really worry it was going to turn into anything.

Swift: Yeah, and it turned out he had been writing instrumental tracks to keep from absolutely going crazy during the pandemic as well, so he sends me this file of probably 30 instrumentals, and the first one I opened ended up being a song called “Cardigan,” and it really happened rapid-fire like that. He’d send me a track; he’d make new tracks, add to the folder; I would write the entire top line for a song, and he wouldn’t know what the song would be about, what it was going to be called, where I was going to put the chorus. I had originally thought, “Maybe I’ll make an album in the next year, and put it out in January or something,” but it ended up being done and we put it out in July. And I just thought there are no rules anymore, because I used to put all these parameters on myself, like, “How will this song sound in a stadium? How will this song sound on radio?” If you take away all the parameters, what do you make? And I guess the answer is Folklore.

McCartney: And it’s more music for yourself than music that’s got to go do a job. My thing was similar to that: After having done this little bit of film music, I had a lot of stuff that I had been working on, but I’d said, “I’m just going home now,” and it’d be left half-finished. So I just started saying, “Well, what about that? I never finished that.” So we’d pull it out, and we said, “Oh, well, this could be good.” And because it didn’t have to amount to anything, I would say, “Ah, I really want to do tape loops. I don’t care if they fit on this song, I just want to do some.” So I go and make some tape loops, and put them in the song, just really trying to do stuff that I fancy.

I had no idea it would end up as an album; I may have been a bit less indulgent, but if a track was eight minutes long, to tell you the truth, what I thought was, “I’ll be taking it home tonight, Mary will be cooking, the grandkids will all be there running around, and someone, maybe Simon, Mary’s husband, is going to say, ‘What did you do today?’ And I’m going to go, ‘Oh,’ and then get my phone and play it for them.” So this became the ritual.

Swift: That’s the coziest thing I’ve ever heard.

McCartney: Well, it’s like eight minutes long, and I said, “I hate it when I’m playing someone something and it finishes after three minutes.” I kind of like that it just [continues] on.

Swift: You want to stay in the zone.

McCartney: It just keeps going on. I would just come home, “Well, what did you do today?” “Oh, well, I did this. I’m halfway through this,” or, “We finished this.”

Swift: I was wondering about the numerology element to McCartney III. McCartney I, II, and III have all come out on years with zeroes.

McCartney: Ends of decades.

Swift: Was that important?

McCartney: Yeah, well, this was being done in 2020, and I didn’t really think about it. I think everyone expected great things of 2020. “It’s gonna be great! Look at that number! 2020! Auspicious!” Then suddenly Covid hit, and it was like, “That’s gonna be auspicious all right, but maybe for the wrong reasons.” Someone said to me, “Well, you put out McCartney right after the Beatles broke up, and that was 1970, and then you did McCartney II in 1980.” And I said, “Oh, I’m going to release this in 2020 just for whatever you call it, the numerology...”

Swift: The numerology, the kind of look, the symbolism. I love numbers. Numbers kind of rule my whole world. The numbers 13... 89 is a big one. I have a few others that I find...

McCartney: Thirteen is lucky for some.

Swift: Yeah, it’s lucky for me. It’s my birthday. It’s all these weird coincidences of good things that have happened. Now, when I see it places, I look at it as a sign that things are going the way they’re supposed to. They may not be good now, they could be painful now, but things are on a track. I don’t know, I love the numerology.

McCartney: It’s spooky, Taylor. It’s very spooky. Now wait a minute: Where’d you get 89?

Swift: That’s when I was born, in 1989, and so I see it in different places and I just think it’s...

McCartney: No, it’s good. I like that, where certain things you attach yourself to, and you get a good feeling off them. I think that’s great.

Swift: Yeah, one of my favorite artists, Bon Iver, he has this thing with the number 22. But I was also wondering: You have always kind of seeked out a band or a communal atmosphere with like, you know, the Beatles and Wings, and then Egypt Station. I thought it was interesting when I realized you had made a record with no one else. I just wondered, did that feel natural?

McCartney: It’s one of the things I’ve done. Like with McCartney, because the Beatles had broken up, there was no alternative but to get a drum kit at home, get a guitar, get an amp, get a bass, and just make something for myself. So on that album, which I didn’t really expect to do very well, I don’t think it did. But people sort of say, “I like that. It was a very casual album.” It didn’t really have to mean anything. So I’ve done that, the play-everything-myself thing. And then I discovered synths and stuff, and sequencers, so I had a few of those at home. I just thought I’m going to play around with this and record it, so that became McCartney II. But it’s a thing I do. Certain people can do it. Stevie Wonder can do it. Stevie Winwood, I believe, has done it. So there are certain people quite like that.

When you’re working with someone else, you have to worry about their variances. Whereas your own variance, you kind of know it. It’s just something I’ve grown to like. Once you can do it, it becomes a little bit addictive. I actually made some records under the name the Fireman.

Swift: Love a pseudonym.

McCartney: Yeah, for the fun! But, you know, let’s face it, you crave fame and attention when you’re young. And I just remembered the other day, I was the guy in the Beatles that would write to journalists and say [speaks in a formal voice]: “We are a semiprofessional rock combo, and I’d think you’d like [us]... We’ve written over 100 songs (which was a lie), my friend John and I. If you mention us in your newspaper...” You know, I was always, like, craving the attention.

Swift: The hustle! That’s so great, though.

McCartney: Well, yeah, you need that.

Swift: Yeah, I think, when a pseudonym comes in is when you still have a love for making the work and you don’t want the work to become overshadowed by this thing that’s been built around you, based on what people know about you. And that’s when it’s really fun to create fake names and write under them.

McCartney: Do you ever do that?

Swift: Oh, yeah.

McCartney: Oh, yeah? Oh, well, we didn’t know that! Is that a widely known fact?

Swift: I think it is now, but it wasn’t. I wrote under the name Nils Sjöberg because those are two of the most popular names of Swedish males. I wrote this song called “This Is What You Came For” that Rihanna ended up singing. And nobody knew for a while. I remembered always hearing that when Prince wrote “Manic Monday,” they didn’t reveal it for a couple of months.

McCartney: Yeah, it also proves you can do something without the fame tag. I did something for Peter and Gordon; my girlfriend’s brother and his mate were in a band called Peter and Gordon. And I used to write under the name Bernard Webb.

Swift: [Laughs.] That’s a good one! I love it.

McCartney: As Americans call it, Ber-nard Webb. I did the Fireman thing. I worked with a producer, a guy called Youth, who’s this real cool dude. We got along great. He did a mix for me early on, and we got friendly. I would just go into the studio, and he would say, “Hey, what about this groove?” and he’d just made me have a little groove going. He’d say, “You ought to put some bass on it. Put some drums on it.” I’d just spend the whole day putting stuff on it. And we’d make these tracks, and nobody knew who Fireman was for a while. We must have sold all of 15 copies.

Swift: Thrilling, absolutely thrilling.

McCartney: And we didn’t mind, you know?

Swift: I think it’s so cool that you do projects that are just for you. Because I went with my family to see you in concert in 2010 or 2011, and the thing I took away from the show most was that it was the most selfless set list I had ever seen. It was completely geared toward what it would thrill us to hear. It had new stuff, but it had every hit we wanted to hear, every song we’d ever cried to, every song people had gotten married to, or been brokenhearted to. And I just remembered thinking, “I’ve got to remember that,” that you do that set list for your fans.

McCartney: You do that, do you?

Swift: I do now. I think that learning that lesson from you taught me at a really important stage in my career that if people want to hear “Love Story” and “Shake It Off,” and I’ve played them 300 million times, play them the 300-millionth-and-first time. I think there are times to be selfish in your career, and times to be selfless, and sometimes they line up.

McCartney: I always remembered going to concerts as a kid, completely before the Beatles, and I really hoped they would play the ones I loved. And if they didn’t, it was kind of disappointing. I had no money, and the family wasn’t wealthy. So this would be a big deal for me, to save up for months to afford the concert ticket.

Swift: Yeah, it feels like a bond. It feels like that person on the stage has given something, and it makes you as a crowd want to give even more back, in terms of applause, in terms of dedication. And I just remembered feeling that bond in the crowd, and thinking, “He’s up there playing these Beatles songs, my dad is crying, my mom is trying to figure out how to work her phone because her hands are shaking so much.” Because seeing the excitement course through not only me, but my family and the entire crowd in Nashville, it just was really special. I love learning lessons and not having to learn them the hard way. Like learning nice lessons I really value.

McCartney: Well, that’s great, and I’m glad that set you on that path. I understand people who don’t want to do that, and if you do, they’ll say, “Oh, it’s a jukebox show.” I hear what they’re saying. But I think it’s a bit of a cheat, because the people who come to our shows have spent a lot of money. We can afford to go to a couple of shows and it doesn’t make much difference. But a lot of ordinary working folks... it’s a big event in their life, and so I try and deliver. I also, like you say, try and put in a few weirdos.

Swift: That’s the best. I want to hear current things, too, to update me on where the artist is. I was wondering about lyrics, and where you were lyrically when you were making this record. Because when I was making Folklore, I went lyrically in a total direction of escapism and romanticism. And I wrote songs imagining I was, like, a pioneer woman in a forbidden love affair [laughs]. I was completely...

McCartney: Was this “I want to give you a child”? Is that one of the lines?

Swift: Oh, that’s a song called “Peace.”

McCartney: “Peace,” I like that one.

Swift: “Peace” is actually more rooted in my personal life. I know you have done a really excellent job of this in your personal life: carving out a human life within a public life, and how scary that can be when you do fall in love and you meet someone, especially if you’ve met someone who has a very grounded, normal way of living. I, oftentimes, in my anxieties, can control how I am as a person and how normal I act and rationalize things, but I cannot control if there are 20 photographers outside in the bushes and what they do and if they follow our car and if they interrupt our lives. I can’t control if there’s going to be a fake weird headline about us in the news tomorrow.

McCartney: So how does that go? Does your partner sympathize with that and understand?

Swift: Oh, absolutely.

McCartney: They have to, don’t they?

Swift: But I think that in knowing him and being in the relationship I am in now, I have definitely made decisions that have made my life feel more like a real life and less like just a storyline to be commented on in tabloids. Whether that’s deciding where to live, who to hang out with, when to not take a picture - the idea of privacy feels so strange to try to explain, but it’s really just trying to find bits of normalcy. That’s what that song “Peace” is talking about. Like, would it be enough if I could never fully achieve the normalcy that we both crave? Stella always tells me that she had as normal a childhood as she could ever hope for under the circumstances.

McCartney: Yeah, it was very important to us to try and keep their feet on the ground amongst the craziness.

Swift: She went to a regular school...

McCartney: Yeah, she did.

Swift: And you would go trick-or-treating with them, wearing masks.

McCartney: All of them did, yeah. It was important, but it worked pretty well, because when they kind of reached adulthood, they would meet other kids who might have gone to private schools, who were a little less grounded.

And they could be the budding mothers to [kids]. I remember Mary had a friend, Orlando. Not Bloom. She used to really counsel him. And it’s ’cause she’d gone through that. Obviously, they got made fun of, my kids. They’d come in the classroom and somebody would sing, “Na na na na,” you know, one of the songs. And they’d have to handle that. They’d have to front it out.

Swift: Did that give you a lot of anxiety when you had kids, when you felt like all this pressure that’s been put on me is spilling over onto them, that they didn’t sign up for it? Was that hard for you?

McCartney: Yeah, a little bit, but it wasn’t like it is now. You know, we were just living a kind of semi-hippie life, where we withdrew from a lot of stuff. The kids would be doing all the ordinary things, and their school friends would be coming up to the house and having parties, and it was just great. I remember one lovely evening when it was Stella’s birthday, and she brought a bunch of school kids up. And, you know, they’d all ignore me. It happens very quickly. At first they’re like, “Oh, yeah, he’s like a famous guy,” and then it’s like [yawns]. I like that. I go in the other room and suddenly I hear this music going on. And one of the kids, his name was Luke, and he’s doing break dancing.

Swift: Ohhh!

McCartney: He was a really good break dancer, so all the kids are hanging out. That allowed them to be kind of normal with those kids. The other thing is, I don’t live fancy. I really don’t. Sometimes it’s a little bit of an embarrassment, if I’ve got someone coming to visit me, or who I know…

Swift: Cares about that stuff?

McCartney: Who’s got a nice big house, you know. Quincy Jones came to see me and I’m, like, making him a veggie burger or something. I’m doing some cooking. This was after I’d lost Linda, in between there. But the point I’m making is that I’m very consciously thinking, “Oh, God, Quincy’s got to be thinking, ‘What is this guy on? He hasn’t got big things going on. It’s not a fancy house at all. And we’re eating in the kitchen! He’s not even got the dining room going,’” you know?

Swift: I think that sounds like a perfect day.

McCartney: But that’s me. I’m awkward like that. That’s my kind of thing. Maybe I should have, like, a big stately home. Maybe I should get a staff. But I think I couldn’t do that. I’d be so embarrassed. I’d want to walk around dressed as I want to walk around, or naked, if I wanted to.

Swift: That can’t happen in Downton Abbey.

McCartney: [Laughs.] Exactly.

Swift: I remember what I wanted to know about, which is lyrics. Like, when you’re in this kind of strange, unparalleled time, and you’re making this record, are lyrics first? Or is it when you get a little melodic idea?

McCartney: It was a bit of both. As it kind of always is with me. There’s no fixed way. People used to ask me and John, “Well, who does the words, who does the music?” I used to say, “We both do both.” We used to say we don’t have a formula, and we don’t want one. Because the minute we get a formula, we should rip it up. I will sometimes, as I did with a couple of songs on this album, sit down at the piano and just start noodling around, and I’ll get a little idea and start to fill that out. So the lyrics - for me, it’s following a trail. I’ll start [sings “Find My Way,” a song from “McCartney III”]: “I can find my way. I know my left from right, da da da.” And I’ll just sort of fill it in. Like, we know this song, and I’m trying to remember the lyrics. Sometimes I’ll just be inspired by something. I had a little book which was all about the constellations and the stars and the orbits of Venus and...

Swift: Oh, I know that song - “The Kiss of Venus”?

McCartney: Yeah, “The Kiss of Venus.” And I just thought, “That’s a nice phrase.” So I was actually just taking phrases out of the book, harmonic sounds. And the book is talking about the maths of the universe, and how when things orbit around each other, and if you trace all the patterns, it becomes like a lotus flower.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: It’s very magical.

Swift: That is magical. I definitely relate to needing to find magical things in this very not-magical time, needing to read more books and learn to sew, and watch movies that take place hundreds of years ago. In a time where, if you look at the news, you just want to have a panic attack - I really relate to the idea that you are thinking about stars and constellations.

McCartney: Did you do that on Folklore?

Swift: Yes. I was reading so much more than I ever did, and watching so many more films.

McCartney: What stuff were you reading?

Swift: I was reading, you know, books like Rebecca, by Daphne du Maurier, which I highly recommend, and books that dealt with times past, a world that doesn’t exist anymore. I was also using words I always wanted to use - kind of bigger, flowerier, prettier words, like “epiphany,” in songs. I always thought, “Well, that’ll never track on pop radio,” but when I was making this record, I thought, “What tracks? Nothing makes sense anymore. If there’s chaos everywhere, why don’t I just use the damn word I want to use in the song?”

McCartney: Exactly. So you’d see the word in a book and think, “I love that word”?

Swift: Yeah, I have favorite words, like “elegies” and “epiphany” and “divorcée,” and just words that I think sound beautiful, and I have lists and lists of them.

McCartney: How about “marzipan”?

Swift: Love “marzipan.”

McCartney: The other day, I was remembering when we wrote “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”: “kaleidoscope.”

Swift: “Kaleidoscope” is one of mine! I have a song on 1989, a song called “Welcome to New York,” that I put the word “kaleidoscope” in just because I’m obsessed with the word.

McCartney: I think a love of words is a great thing, particularly if you’re going to try to write a lyric, and for me, it’s like, “What is this going to say to that person?” I often feel like I’m writing to someone who is not doing so well. So I’m trying to write songs that might help. Not in a goody-goody, crusading kind of way, but just thinking there have been so many times in my life when I’ve heard a song and felt so much better. I think that’s the angle I want, that inspirational thing.

I remember once, a friend of mine from Liverpool, we were teenagers and we were going to a fairground. He was a schoolmate, and we had these jackets that had a little fleck in the material, which was the cool thing at the time.

Swift: We should have done matching jackets for this photo shoot.

McCartney: Find me a fleck, I’m in. But we went to the fair, and I just remember - this is what happens with songs - there was this girl at the fair. This is just a little Liverpool fair - it was in a place called Sefton Park - and there was this girl, who was so beautiful. She wasn’t a star. She was so beautiful. Everyone was following her, and it’s like, “Wow.” It’s like a magical scene, you know? But all this gave me a headache, so I ended up going back to his house - I didn’t normally get headaches. And we thought, “What can we do?” So we put on the Elvis song “All Shook Up.” By the end of that song, my headache had gone. I thought, you know, “That’s powerful.”

Swift: That really is powerful.

McCartney: I love that, when people stop me in the street and say, “Oh, I was going through an illness and I listened to a lot of your stuff, and I’m better now and it got me through,” or kids will say, “It got me through exams.” You know, they’re studying, they’re going crazy, but they put your music on. I’m sure it happens with a lot of your fans. It inspires them, you know?

Swift: Yeah, I definitely think about that as a goal. There’s so much stress everywhere you turn that I kind of wanted to make an album that felt sort of like a hug, or like your favorite sweater that makes you feel like you want to put it on.

McCartney: What, a “cardigan”?

Swift: Like a good cardigan, a good, worn-in cardigan. Or something that makes you reminisce on your childhood. I think sadness can be cozy. It can obviously be traumatic and stressful, too, but I kind of was trying to lean into sadness that feels like somehow enveloping in not such a scary way - like nostalgia and whimsy incorporated into a feeling like you’re not all right. Because I don’t think anybody was really feeling like they were in their prime this year. Isolation can mean escaping into your imagination in a way that’s kind of nice.

McCartney: I think a lot of people have found that. I would say to people, “I feel a bit guilty about saying I’m actually enjoying this quarantine thing,” and people go, “Yeah, I know, don’t say it to anyone.” A lot of people are really suffering.

Swift: Because there’s a lot in life that’s arbitrary. Completely and totally arbitrary. And [the quarantine] is really shining a light on that, and also a lot of things we have that we outsource that you can actually do yourself.

McCartney: I love that. This is why I said I live simply. That’s, like, at the core of it. With so many things, something goes wrong and you go, “Oh, I’ll get somebody to fix that.” And then it’s like, “No, let me have a look at it...”

Swift: Get a hammer and a nail.

McCartney: “Maybe I can put that picture up.” It’s not rocket science. The period after the Beatles, when we went to live in Scotland on a really - talk about dumpy - little farm. I mean, I see pictures of it now and I’m not ashamed, but I’m almost ashamed. Because it’s like, “God, nobody’s cleaned up around here.”

But it was really a relief. Because when I was with the Beatles, we’d formed Apple Records, and if I wanted a Christmas tree, someone would just buy it. And I thought, after a while, “No, you know what? I really would like to go and buy our Christmas tree. Because that’s what everyone does.” So you go down - “I’ll have that one” - and you carried it back. I mean, it’s little, but it’s huge at the same time.

I needed a table in Scotland and I was looking through a catalog and I thought, “I could make one. I did woodwork in school, so I know what a dovetail joint is.” So I just figured it out. I’m just sitting in the kitchen, and I’m whittling away at this wood and I made this little joint. There was no nail technology - it was glue. And I was scared to put it together. I said, “It’s not going to fit,” but one day, I got my woodwork glue and thought, “There’s no going back.” But it turned out to be a real nice little table I was very proud of. It was that sense of achievement.

The weird thing was, Stella went up to Scotland recently and I said, “Isn’t it there?” and she said, “No.” Anyway, I searched for it. Nobody remembered it. Somebody said, “Well, there’s a pile of wood in the corner of one of the barns, maybe that’s it. Maybe they used it for firewood.” I said, “No, it’s not firewood.” Anyway, we found it, and do you know how joyous that was for me? I was like, “You found my table?!” Somebody might say that’s a bit boring.

Swift: No, it’s cool!

McCartney: But it was a real sort of great thing for me to be able to do stuff for yourself. You were talking about sewing. I mean normally, in your position, you’ve got any amount of tailors.

Swift: Well, there’s been a bit of a baby boom recently; several of my friends have gotten pregnant.

McCartney: Oh, yeah, you’re at the age.

Swift: And I was just thinking, “I really want to spend time with my hands, making something for their children.” So I made this really cool flying-squirrel stuffed animal that I sent to one of my friends. I sent a teddy bear to another one, and I started making these little silk baby blankets with embroidery. It’s gotten pretty fancy. And I’ve been painting a lot.

McCartney: What do you paint? Watercolors?

Swift: Acrylic or oil. Whenever I do watercolor, all I paint is flowers. When I have oil, I really like to do landscapes. I always kind of return to painting a lonely little cottage on a hill.

McCartney: It’s a bit of a romantic dream. I agree with you, though, I think you’ve got to have dreams, particularly this year. You’ve got to have something to escape to. When you say “escapism,” it sounds like a dirty word, but this year, it definitely wasn’t. And in the books you’re reading, you’ve gone into that world. That’s, I think, a great thing. Then you come back out. I normally will read a lot before I go to bed. So I’ll come back out, then I’ll go to sleep, so I think it really is nice to have those dreams that can be fantasies or stuff you want to achieve.

Swift: You’re creating characters. This was the first album where I ever created characters, or wrote about the life of a real-life person. There’s a song called “The Last Great American Dynasty” that’s about this real-life heiress who lived just an absolutely chaotic, hectic...

McCartney: She’s a fantasy character?

Swift: She’s a real person. Who lived in the house that I live in.

McCartney: She’s a real person? I listened to that and I thought, “Who is this?”

Swift: Her name was Rebekah Harkness. And she lived in the house that I ended up buying in Rhode Island. That’s how I learned about her. But she was a woman who was very, very talked about, and everything she did was scandalous. I found a connection in that. But I also was thinking about how you write “Eleanor Rigby” and go into that whole story about what all these people in this town are doing and how their lives intersect, and I hadn’t really done that in a very long time with my music. It had always been so microscope personal.

McCartney: Yeah, ’cause you were writing breakup songs like they were going out of style.

Swift: I was, before my luck changed [laughs]. I still write breakup songs. I love a good breakup song. Because somewhere in the world, I always have a friend going through a breakup, and that will make me write one.

McCartney: Yeah, this goes back to this thing of me and John: When you’ve got a formula, break it. I don’t have a formula. It’s the mood I’m in. So I love the idea of writing a character. And, you know, trying to think, “What am I basing this on?” So “Eleanor Rigby” was based on old ladies I knew as a kid. For some reason or other, I got great relationships with a couple of local old ladies. I was thinking the other day, I don’t know how I met them, it wasn’t like they were family. I’d just run into them, and I’d do their shopping for them.

Swift: That’s amazing.

McCartney: It just felt good to me. I would sit and talk, and they’d have amazing stories. That’s what I liked. They would have stories from the wartime - because I was born actually in the war - and so these old ladies, they were participating in the war. This one lady I used to sort of just hang out with, she had a crystal radio that I found very magical. In the war, a lot of people made their own radios - you’d make them out of crystals [sings “The Twilight Zone” theme].

Swift: How did I not know this? That sounds like something I would have tried to learn about.

McCartney: It’s interesting, because there is a lot of parallels with the virus and lockdowns and wartime. It happened to everyone. Like, this isn’t HIV, or SARS, or Avian flu, which happened to others, generally. This has happened to everyone, all around the world. That’s the defining thing about this particular virus. And, you know, my parents... it happened to everyone in Britain, including the queen and Churchill. War happened. So they were all part of this thing, and they all had to figure out a way through it. So you figured out Folklore. I figured out McCartney III.

Swift: And a lot of people have been baking sourdough bread. Whatever gets you through!

McCartney: Some people used to make radios. And they’d take a crystal - we should look it up, but it actually is a crystal. I thought, “Oh, no, they just called it a crystal radio,” but it’s actually crystals like we know and love.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: And somehow they get the radio waves - this crystal attracts them - they tune it in, and that’s how they used to get their news. Back to “Eleanor Rigby,” so I would think of her and think of what she’s doing and then just try to get lyrical, just try to bring poetry into it, words you love, just try to get images like “picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been,” and Father McKenzie “is darning his socks in the night.” You know, he’s a religious man, so I could’ve said, you know, “preparing his Bible,” which would have been more obvious. But “darning his socks” kind of says more about him. So you get into this lovely fantasy. And that’s the magic of songs, you know. It’s a black hole, and then you start doing this process, and then there’s this beautiful little flower that you’ve just made. So it is very like embroidery, making something.

Swift: Making a table.

McCartney: Making a table.

Swift: Wow, it would’ve been so fun to play Glastonbury for the 50th anniversary together.

McCartney: It would’ve been great, wouldn’t it? And I was going to be asking you to play with me.

Swift: Were you going to invite me? I was hoping that you would. I was going to ask you.

McCartney: I would’ve done “Shake It Off.”

Swift: Oh, my God, that would have been amazing.

McCartney: I know it, it’s in C!

Swift: One thing I just find so cool about you is that you really do seem to have the joy of it, still, just no matter what. You seem to have the purest sense of joy of playing an instrument and making music, and that’s just the best, I think.

McCartney: Well, we’re just so lucky, aren’t we?

Swift: We’re really lucky.

McCartney: I don’t know if it ever happens to you, but with me, it’s like, “Oh, my god, I’ve ended up as a musician.”

Swift: Yeah, I can’t believe it’s my job.

McCartney: I must tell you a story I told Mary the other day, which is just one of my favorite little sort of Beatles stories. We were in a terrible, big blizzard, going from London to Liverpool, which we always did. We’d be working in London and then drive back in the van, just the four of us with our roadie, who would be driving. And this was a blizzard. You couldn’t see the road. At one point, it slid off and it went down an embankment. So it was “Ahhh,” a bunch of yelling. We ended up at the bottom. It didn’t flip, luckily, but so there we are, and then it’s like, “Oh, how are we going to get back up? We’re in a van. It’s snowing, and there’s no way.” We’re all standing around in a little circle, and thinking, “What are we going to do?” And one of us said, “Well, something will happen.” And I thought that was just the greatest. I love that, that’s a philosophy.

Swift: “Something will happen.”

McCartney: And it did. We sort of went up the bank, we thumbed a lift, we got the lorry driver to take us, and Mal, our roadie, sorted the van and everything. So that was kind of our career. And I suppose that’s like how I ended up being a musician and a songwriter: “Something will happen.”

Swift: That’s the best.

McCartney: It’s so stupid it’s brilliant. It’s great if you’re ever in that sort of panic attack: “Oh, my God,” or, “Ahhh, what am I going to do?”

Swift: “Something will happen.”

McCartney: All right then, thanks for doing this, and this was, you know, a lot of fun.

Swift: You’re the best. This was so awesome. Those were some quality stories!