#slow progress tho because im feeling... sick

[sunnimint]

Sneak peek of Chapter 25 of BoaE!!!

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

*revives again*

I'll be soon going to sleep, but anyways

Thank you btw! <3 I'll still be a bit hesitant as of now to write fics but i'll definitely will keep making ideas, boredom does that to ya'

Now i'm like, wanting to write a fic about cryptid Hal especially after reading a one shot with this topic, but i think i'll just write down ideas so i can talk about them with someone who is willing to listen! :3

I'm now like: Hal slowy turning into a cryptid without realizing it.. bird Hal...(I have the perfect bird for him, even though i would probably make my own little species for him), lots of hurt before comfort, it gets worse before it gets better, lots of whump.. nomnom😈

Body horror too since the wings would have to, literally and im not even joking, rip apart his back since he didn't originally have them.. painful back pains before the wings actually come out, gotta love some good old fashioned "it gets worse before it gets better"

Also him hiding out of either fear or denial, or fear of being judged by the League because God that man needs therapy!!

The deep seated fear of becoming inhuman bc of the rings is so scrumptious, MMMM

I’m reminded of that one nightmare JL:U episode where that GL was stuck in a nightmare where humanity became alien to him and he progressively got taken over by the ring until he couldn’t understand English and was scaring people away.

Specifically with Hal and this bird transformation imagine the slow creep into it tho.

His appetite gets weirdly fast and suddenly he’s catching up with Barry or Wally on their snack breaks to carb up, eating way too much until he feels like he’s going to be sick but then it passes and he’s hungry all the same, not knowing he’s fueling the fire of his body burning up calories to shift. His skin gets weird and prickly in places that’s mostly covered by his suit or loose clothing as a civilian, his fingers seem longer and thinner, his hands and palms too as they stretch out to an appropriate wing span but it just looks slightly unproprtional for the time being so he’s not worrying too much other than his skin. His lips thin and there’s a sharp pain at the front of his gums, like something is trying to force itself out and his teeth are feeling ill-fit in his own mouth.

He gets knee pains and during a fight with a heavy hitter, maybe Lobo, multiple bones are broken and they stick him in some sort of med pod to expedite the healing process but that does him in. His broken legs bend backwards and the change forces a talon from his heel as his feet cover in scales over flesh, his arms grow and fingers combine into those misshapen wings that take up so much space in the med pod he’s curled in on himself in comatose agony. His teeth rot and are replaced with the beak that had been forcing itself out until his lips stretch around the outline of it and are covered by the feathers just starting to take proper form.

When someone checks in the next day what’s inside isn’t Hal anymore, he can’t do little more than scream in harpy cries at the agony he wakes up to. He can’t walk, can hardly lift himself up with his hands gone and replaced with winged arms that hardly have the feathers needed to fly after his bones stretched and broke into this new misshapen body of his. His head pounds because his eyes have shifted from front facing to more on the sides of his head like a prey species, not entirely but enough that he can’t physically see the world the same anymore. When the pain subsides and he finds his voice it’s more shrill and improper because his mouth isn’t the same anymore and he has to learn how to speak again with this new speech impediment.

Arugh! Love this

He’d have to be physically bigger too, bc yes, and have to come to terms with the fact he’s got hollow bones now. After all the angst is done his biggest sad factor is that he can’t enjoy food the same anymore bc he can’t really eat much of it depending on what beak he grew in

[yourbleedingh3art]

Some updates.

I’m not pregnant … cuz I’m bleeding out of my VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!!! Pairs of shorts/pants stained so far from this excursion: 2

Days of sobriety if I pretend I didn’t take three hits off that boys blunt: 24

Days of sobriety since I hit that blunt: 5

I still haven’t bought any weed for myself, and I didn’t text my ex even though it’s been a torturous carrot in front of my face, but Poems I’ve written about him instead: 2

My piece is getting workshopped today and it’s rainy and I sweat in my sleep and I keep having dreams about my body getting torn apart or me dying in a car crash and last nights dream was just me constantly getting overstimulated and interrupted and not having a moment to myself to breathe [Contributing heavily to Sleep-Sweat]

My big exam is today! Not sure how it will go. But happy it will be out of the horizon. Went to a study group last night and tried to watch a review video. Times I’ve fallen asleep while I tried to finish this review video: 3.

Emails I need to send: 3

My therapist didn’t do something she told me she would do and then I sent her an email about it and I still haven’t heard back. And that’s sad and if I dwell on it I think I will get upset. I’ve just been so sick of being upset lately and so maybe I have been ignoring every possible thing that is painful by pretending it is not painful and maybe this is why it escapes into my dreams which I used to not even really have because of how much weed I smoked and the funny thing is that’s such a major change in my life and I don’t really feel different at all . My parents say I’m different but oh please. I’m skeptical. Skeptics annoy me. I’m becoming annoying!!!! Just kidding. ☂️☔️

Writing in my diary has slowed down because I don’t want to take up the pages saying nothing and it’s hard to figure out what feels important to say. It’s weird how progress seems to change nothing. I’ve made these changes to be “better” which is loaded. I’m trying to exist better? But does that make me feel better? My prescription. For myself: Be more aware of the present moment and how you actually feel in the present moment

Writing and reading 📖 Has been a Best friend again

Music: Not hitting as hard. Obviously i always love music but

Food: yum. Been eating a lot of it. Getting to the point where im scared I’m gonna run out soon and why does grocery shppping sound so terrible… It’s the money. Im Brokey broke. Hmm. So the next question is will I get. A job. However. I hate that question. Ok. I will send some of the emails I have to send now ….

Oh and this is tonight! I think I will go? If I feel like being out at night in the dark . Don’t come at me w commitment y’all…. Weird rn. Therapy on Friday tho

[nottobeadickoranything]

I like all music except these genres:

- Pop Punk. Worst genre of music all-time, a waste of everything. Not one riff or worse, "sex offender" riffs. I love how we are making it socially unacceptable for people over 25 to be into this genre in 2024.

- Ska. Second-worst genre. A genre that exists to make music school nerds feel cool. They aren't.

- Midwest Emo. I cant fw slower music with no groove and dislike almost all the vocals. Being so high school-coded is beyond cringe to me.

- The Smiths/Morrissey. I cant stand that fascist idiot, but then again, I was writing poetry in high school, so maybe Im not his intended audience. The Cure did everything The Smiths did and better/with more riffs/trax. The Smiths are the most overrated band ever, I always feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone with how many people still enjoy and pay him/them even though Moz has been a proud, open far right fascist over at least the last 20 years. Make it make sense!!!

- Shoegaze. A genre I nerded out over with the 2005 Russian blogs that appeared and had like, literally every album ever. First "genre" I checked out purely online and that experience of checking out these dozens upon dozens of releases worldwide all in one easy place is a fond one. But time has not been kind to this genre in my eyes/ears. It really is just 1 classic album, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless LP, and then a million and one ripoff bands. Shields himself always talked about progressing the genre and apparently made some straight up techno records intended to be "My Bloody Valentine" records, but it ended up the most cookie-cutter genre in existence while Shields proved time and time again to be all-talk, less-rock(or anything, really), with none of these supposed techno records ever appearing, just another Loveless ripoff LP entitled mbv.

- Country/Americana. Again, if its slow and has no groove that doesnt make me feel something or dance, gtfo. I don't believe in or relate to a single one of these lyrics or visuals. Barns are never cool and are a place I never want to be.

- Oi/Skinhead. Third rate power pop played by unemployed dudes who look like plummers who swear they aren't racists, they just enjoy dressing like them! Dude, why tho? Put your Vans back on, its not 1979 UK outside, its 2024 and you live in California bro, and Californians are factually cooler people than British people! Why are you handicapping yourselves!? Just be from CA, its literally the tightest place anyone can be from!!

- Black Metal. I hate racists and this is the genre packed to the brim with them. Also the riffs are bad and the music truly borders on unlistenable unless mixed with other genres. The snuff film of music genres, and Goreslam exists. Not for me, not interested, I'm from California this shit has always been worthless to me. We got real riffs out here and real riffers worldwide always came through The Bay. I grew up watching like, Annihilation Time and Iron Age live, amongst literally hundreds others of sick ass riffers. Iron Age said straight up they would rather tour The Bay over everywhere else, because their riffs were most at home there. Give me riffs or get lost...

I like or can tolerate every other genre there is. I especially enjoy Footwork, Slam Metal, Bay Area Rap, Powerviolence, Krautrock, Bay Area Thrash Metal, Experimental music of all kinds, Hardcore Punk music from California only, rare/roots Ambient music, and like literally everything else. I'm sure theres a techno/electronic music genre I don't like, but I haven't found it yet, they all suit a specific mood for me...

[rigelmejo]

roundup of stuff done this april so far:

10 chapters of hanshe read (at least?)

2 chapters of the easy cat novel i put on the last rec list for ‘ease’ ratings (it was rated as 2+ in ease, and i’m trying to read more easy novels tbh just so i do more extensive reading and less intensive for a while, in preparation for guardian)

read like 5 chapters of guardian (extensively, english translation first then read the chinese chapters)

3 graded readers read (pleco butterfly lovers, chinese short stories ebook, journey to the center of the earth mandarin companion)

7 chapters of the little prince read (extensively, looking at english translation for unknown words after reading chinese chapter)

25 eps watched of Two Souls in One (if the show finishes airing this month then that number will go up to 30)

1 japanese musical watched this month (that’s like 2 hours tho which is the longest i’ve ever watched raw japanese with or without japanese subs since like... 20 minute lets play is the second longest i tried in the past and that had japanese subs)

1 japanese anime ep (i’m counting it even though i only lasted 8 minutes because i looked up every word)

3 japanese graded reader chapters (tho to be fair they were... intensely easy basic stuff...)

360 flashcards in memrise Nukemarine LLJ deck (not 1000 yet lol but a personal success for me since i am officially FARTHER in these courses than ever before so i am officially learning all new material)

read and transcribed into japanese the first 1/3 of Japanese in 30 Hours textbook (a personal goal, as i want to both finish reading the book and have a copy of it with actual japanese text to reference instead of the current ONLY romaji it has). 

read and practiced writing like 30 hanzi, and 40 radicals and their common hanzi (I’m going through 2 books - a hanzi reference book with 3400 hanzi and a radical textbook with 150 radicals and their common hanzi. but i don’t wanna count this as it is Not that much :c and honestly I may not get to proper hanzi writing study for a WHILE... I might continue the radical textbook just to FINISH it, but actual hanzi focus i do NOT have time for rn to do what i’d like... which is write them ALL out, and memorize their TONES and make up or read through mnemonics for at least 2000 to really memorize them more solidly... at the moment reading has a bigger payoff because i ‘partly learn’ hanzi but its enough to read more ASAP, whereas hanzi study is much slower on its own and while i learn them more fully i do Not get to practice improving reading/listening at the same time)

watched half of a chinese movie with no subs (also a little ATLA in chinese, but these were all just random ‘i feel like watching stuff’)

2 chapters listening-reading of “A Brief History of Humankind” which firstly I do recommend reading its fascinating, but second it is ALSO a mental TRIP to contemplate the material inside it, so in a way its a great companion to the little prince tbh! 

i’m probably forgetting some stuff since i didn’t look at my actual notes list for this.

*and then 90% chance by the end of this month i’ll add a lil japanese games played. cause i’m probably gonna at least Try a japanese game by the end of the month (will i succeed? well that’s another matter lol. but i will probably try)

[mayatheamazon]

Whats your workout routine? Im an absolute stick of a girl but i really want to be strong and plan on going back to the gym when things open up 💚 (i have some workout equipment here at home)

Oh SWEET! I love when fellow women wanna be strong! 💪🏽 😄💓

LONG POST AHEAD GUYS!!

First of all I’m excited for you and luckyyy you got some workout equipment at home so that’s an awesome start :), secondly, just a disclaimer: I am in no way licensed for personal training or anything haha so without further ado:

For strength training I aim for at least 5-7 reps (repetitions of the exercise), which is good for warming up so you don’t waste your energy of doing 10 reps of weights you already feel comfortable with. It’s also a good amount for lifting those challenging weights.

My general guideline is if you feel comfortable doing 7-10 reps of a weight, you should try to move up to a weight that’s a lil heavier. That’s called progressive overload baybee! Because you’re progressively using weights that kinda overload your body a bit so you get stronger. I try to conserve my energy by taking breaks, drinking water, etc in between each set of reps.

Having a spotter / another person to save you from crushing your skull n shit really helps for making PRs (personal records) so you can lift heavier weights than you normally use, without yknow dying if the weights get to be THAT heavy, for your major exercises such as benching, squatting, etc. They only really help you usually by lifting 5-10 lbs of the weight youre trying to lift, sometimes not even that. Im about 100 lbs heavy, and made a squat PR of 155 one time without my mom even touching the bar!!! She was there tho, right behind me, so psychologically I felt 10000x more ready and brave enough to squat. And I went for 12 whole reps. Sometimes spotters help you to re rack your weights or unrack. I’ve gotten stronger from having my parents help me, and I’ve also done the same for my huge buff parents. Works well. Accepting help is the BEST!!!

So here’s my split and here’s what I do. My workouts are different every time but I always train LARGEST muscle groups - SMALLEST muscle groups/ isolate a muscle. Descending order of energy burn.

A lot of these I can’t even rly do because gyms are closed. I mostly improvise with homemade weights now or the dumbbells my mom shares w me now ; I do not have a homemade gym tho :,)

Green = core workouts, that I always include no matter what. They’re the “largest” muscle groups and are often seen in powerlifting competitions because they’re the most crucial for building strength.

LEGS (/GLUTES):

- squats (front & back, changing foot position from straight on & shoulder width apart, to toes facing out wards, to legs being wider apart, to legs being super wide apart (sumo position))

- deadlifts (changing my foot position the same way as squats) — these do LEGS and BACK

- leg press (leg press machine & sled machine)

- hacksquats

- walking lunges, reverse lunges

- hamstring machine

-calves (I sometimes do it after leg extensions)

- leg extensions (isolating your quads this shit BURNS! I love to do DROP SETS (in which I do progressive overload and then do as many reps of my heaviest weight as I can before I can’t, then I DONT TAKE A BREAK I DONT STOP as I drop the weight down by a little bit, do as many reps as I can before my legs give out on this safe machine, and I repeat until I’m legit down to using like 5-10 lbs and can barely do reps of that. That’s how you get a SICK pump btw, by doing drop sets for pretty much anything if it’s safe of course don’t be dumb and do that for benching with no spotter and then kill your chest and die)

- sometimes I mix in more glute workouts like hip thrusts, hip abductions, donkey kicks, fire hydrants w a booty band, or I do wall sits for a few minutes at a time to kill/ pump my quads.

- then I do the stepmill machine squeezing the hell outta my butt and legs going up 2 steps at a time after my leg workout, pretty slow, just to get blood flow in all of my legs again. Or bike. Or any other cardio. Even some sprints. I don’t do much cardio when I’m bulking because I don’t like to lose my gains but some cardio is good for strength building.

BACK & BICEPS (my split does the complimentary opposite muscles, meaning to contract back muscles I use biceps too; and for chest pressing I’m using my triceps):

- lat pull downs with free weights (the plates) on a couple different machines because the change of hand position is EVERYTHING

- lat pullbacks with free weights (I do one arm at a time sometimes because short arms and that’s the only way I can do that)

- lat pull downs with different bars/ handles make all the difference in cable machines

- lat pullbacks with cable machines

- lat pullbacks with dumbbells

- pull-ups (not powerlifting comp exercise but still a core exercise for me; I do drop sets in the assist machines by adding assistance each time after doing it unassisted is too difficult), or if you’re doing it from home I use my kitchen counter.

- any other back or bicep machines gyms may have; I like to explore

- curls ( classic curls, curls where you stop and start at a certain point (not full range), hammer curls, standing vs sitting with your back to a bench, preacher curls, one arm at a time vs both arms)

CHEST AND TRICEPS:

- bench press w bar (I switch my chest days between incline and decline; often doing flat benching after either)

- that with dumbbells now

- chest press machine ( again, incline or flat/decline)

- Arnold’s (I do those on chest AND shoulder day) theyre hard to master

- chest flys with dumbbells, cables, and / or machine

- [for incline chest I have my head on the bench and my body hanging off, knees at a 90° angle, torso parallel to the ground, holding 1 end of a dumbbell making a diamond shape with my fingers without my Versagrips on and I lift a dumbbell over my head kinda like skull crushers except straight arms and I go past my head, fuck I forgot what the exercise is called]

- pushups (changing hand position by width does a lot. Sometimes even having hands together making a diamond shape w the thumb and index finger works the triceps like you wouldn’t believe)

- tricep dips

- tricep extensions behind the head with dumbbells

- cable tricep extensions

- skullcrushers ( gosh that name is so hardcore)

- tricep machines if they have anymore

SHOULDERS: (mix n match with arms)

- shoulder press with dumbbells (preferably sitting so no assistance from momentum but standing is cool too :))

- press with the smith machine, esp if no spotter

- once again Arnold’s

- lifting dumbbells from your side or front, having hands either vertical or horizontal, arms straight, til the hands are extended and right at shoulder or eye level

- holding a free weight like a steering wheel arms extended kinda above head level, turning the wheel left and right, slowly.

- shrugs (machine or dumbbells or barbell )

- handstand push-ups against a wall

- downward dog pushups

- any other machines I may b missing

CORE ( I do everyday because it’s all about burning the abdominals as consistently as possible if you want definition, same sorta w biceps; the weight you use doesn’t matter as much as just the act of pumping them):

- crunches ( lower ab crunch, full crunch, normal crunches)

- sit-ups (in the fitness gram pace test, not to brag but I fûçkin won for those so 😎 LMAOO)

- Romanian whateverthefucks Where you sit back reclining, feet on ground, knees bent, slowly bringing a weight/ kettlebell/ weighted ball left n right across the hips

- bicycles

-burpees

- planks

- mountain climbers

- leg lifts holding onto an overhead bar

- anything else on the Internet; there are infinite ab exercises guaranteed and that’s the beauty of it

So that’s pretty much an exhaustive list of all the exercises I can think of; I don’t always get to all of them because I like to prevent overtraining and getting to eating ASAP after I get a pump to build my muscles and recover as fast as possible. Plenty of food, plenty of rest rest, plenty of water, plenty of stretching does the trick my guy. I like to do yoga at night before sleeping sometimes so I’m not sore as frick the next day (sometimes doesn’t work)

Anyways I love it all. The burn, the pump, the soreness the day after ... it’s all a sign of hard work and it actually working. Consistency is your bff. I believe in you. Time for being strong bb

Best of luck for your strength journey !!!!

💖- Maya

PS: have this pic I posted on my insta ( same url as my tumblr)

11 months can do HELLA

[nicklukenelson]

Hunger live reaction!!!!!

HUNGER LIVE REACTION!

(Sorry this is so long I dont have a PC so I can't add a read more break 💔)

HUNGER

Started kinda slow but that CHORUS!!! AND THE BRIDGE!!!!! not my fave but a whole ass 7/10

GET IT WRONG

The way as soon as the music started I could feel my heart grow hands and grab onto that shit for dear LIFE. Not even 12 seconds in and already losing my shit okay.. I can do this 🤡 the vibrato on the "in my luUugs part"!!!!!!! THE HARMONIES IN THE CHORUS THAT SHIT HITS! This song is really exactly the song I needed to listen to after crying for a good two hours shit, i might have fallen more in love with her, didnt even know that was possible at this point 😌🤡 ONCE AGAIN!!!! THE CHORUS!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHTS!! ALL OF THEM!! JUST TAKE MY SOUUUUUL 😭

SORRY

I've already listened to this song but! Always down to lisen again. This song has that very calming element to it, feels kinda like a lullaby, it's just. Very gentle and delicate and listening to it feels like a kiss on the forehead 👉👈 The "I knew I could stay" in the bridge is my favorite part too feels like shes singing to me. Fun fact! The music video to this song was my first ever interaction with Mali's music!!

REVOLUTION

This is most likely my least favorite song of hers but the bridge does in fact have SO MANY RIGHTS! also has a very high school musical 3 Sharpay Evan's cafeteria scene vibe 😌

HEARTS

Yay a new song!!! She really did not waste any time before stabbing me in the heart, huh. "As soon as it's perfect I'm searching for something more, let's break eachothers heart" this song might be my favorite lyrically! Really appreciate how low energy the instruments are in this song her voice is really the main focus of the song which is perfect for the theme of the lyrics and the message I think? I love how well her music is not only mixed but organized everything is planned out so well you can tell how much work she put into this. GAH!!! as a music nerd this song is so pleasing to me!!! Very much enjoy how at the beginning her voice is the main focus and it's very. Slow. And a little unsteady. Because she (in the context of the song) is in a very confused and hesitant mindset? But then the music picks up as it continues and not only does her voice grow louder with the music but it becomes shakier!!!!

ME BEFORE YOU

If only I had a brain because I really wanna do an lyrical analysis on this album but I do not! Have! The capability :(( This song is very much a dancing while crying type vibe. Her bridges are always IMMACULATE! The run she does on the last "would bring me so much pain" !!!!! HERE HAVE MY HEART...and a kidney

AT THE END OF THE DAY

THE PRECHORUS!!!!! MALI'S LOWER REGISTER IS GOING TO KILL ME!!!!! not even joking if not from a heart attack then definitly from sleep deprivation! AHHHH 2:15. 2:15!!!!! Trust me. TRUST. ME. IM- MA'AM! THE WAY SHE GOES "WaAaSste" !!! Ma'am just take entire ass soul at this point!

SOME THINGS

:((( this song makes me :((( the chorus is really beautiful too :((( and then the STRINGS!! :((((( THE CHORUS WITH THE STRINGS!! :(((((((( The way she changes the last "it never goes away" :(((((( Her voice is just spectacular and all her songs have so much thought put into them and care and :(((((((

SHOEBOX

Never noticed the little strings at the very beginning of this but wow that was pretty. The beat on this song!! Very much a spin around in a circle while crying type vibe!! This beat is sick as fuck tho like. Appreciate that beat. It just keeps getting better! The "woAoAh" was very appreciated thank you, mali 😌

HUMAN NATURE

Oo this song had some pretty lyrics too! Dont love how it randomly increased in volume at the chorus tho. The little guitar riff right before the chorus is cute tho, very much enjoy that part. I'm getting progressively sleepier while writing these and it doesnt help that all her songs feel like lullabies :(

THE ART OF LETTING GO

OKAY FALSETTO! OKAY LOW NOTES!!! THIS VERSE IS SO FUCKIN BEAUTIFUL VOCALLY 😭😭😭 I NEVER WANT IT TO END! THE CHORUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **OH MY GOD!!!! ** Genuinely my favorite song I can't even process it. Before anyone comes for the autotune chorus I just declare that I Will Cry if anyone hates on it, okay thanks! Like! Cmon!!! CMON!!! It adds so much to the song!! You cant tell me it doesnt make u just. Immediately stop breathing as soon as it starts 😌 also the lyrics in this song are so fucking beautiful, appreciation to the lyrics because HOT DAMN.

DANCER

GOING FROM THE ABSOLUTE HEART BREAK OF THE LAST SONG TO THIS UPBEAT VIBEY SHIT IS!!!!! A CHOICE. AND A VERY GOOD ONE! I wanna see her perform this song live 👀 think she'd? Dance?

I DIDNT KNOW THAT WAS THE LAST ONE! NOW IM SAD :((

Overall rating: 10/10 fuckin Brilliant

[ncbodyknows]

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s just Shino’s gay ass.

So, this is the second time I get to celebrate the anniversary of this group and man, a lot has happened since last time. One year ago I was but a wee mun in the masses of rookies, a mere two month old RPer in this community. I didn’t know where to start or where to end back then, and frankly I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to stick around due to my notorious habit of muse hopping and getting tired of my characters after a short time. But will this setting ever allow me to become tired? I don’t think so. So much happens all the time and I feel so attached to my characters that I can’t even imagine myself without them right now. Back then I had literally just apped Youngjae here, and I had this to say about him:

“As for Youngjae, he’s still so much of a mess. Muse wise he’s older than Jinwoo, but his character is going to take a lot longer to settle into the mindset of the setting. He’s rude, blunt and selfish, and such a mess of contradicting emotions and I hate him no I don’t I love him but don’t tell him that. I’m so glad that he’s been so well received despite not exactly being the perfect fit for the group’s setting. Will he ever be able to become a rookie? I don’t know the answer to that yet, but I can’t wait to see him develop as a person and a character.”

It’s incredibly interesting to look back and see how it is because although he’s still a mess, I think I’ve come so far with his character development that I can’t help but feel emotional about it. I recently did a poll on my twitter about which of my rk boys people liked the best, and Youngjae won by quite a bit much to my surprise considering how problematic he can be. He’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea, and I apologise for that, but he is my baby nonetheless and I love him with my whole heart. He’s growing to become one of my favourite muses of all time and although he’s still rude, blunt, and selfish, he’s also a person who tries his hardest for the things he wants even when he might not know he want them. He’s caring in his own way for the people he cares about. He’s thirsty for acknowledgement, and honestly I’m amazed that I’m standing here a year later with both him and Jinwoo signed although let’s be real this boy is just a scandal waiting to happen.

Youngjae is not the only one who has gone through development, although I feel as though it’s been slower for Jinwoo, partly because I’m slow as a mun, partly because I’ve spent the past few months in an rp slump after moving to Japan and being stressed af, and partly because this bastard Youngjae is hogging all my attention. But he’s slowly breaking out of his shell and slowly gaining more confidence in himself, and most importantly he wants to become someone newer trainees at KT can look up to for advice and motivation. He just wants to help those who might need it like he himself was helped when first getting signed.

A thing that has changed since a year ago though is that I now have a third boy to pay attention to as well. Sanha started as Daehwi but eventually became the person he is now due to my struggles with the other faceclaim. He is my baby boy although he wants to be more adult than he actually is. He is my hyperactive mess of a muse who does before he thinks, and I can’t wait to get to develop him more as time progresses and Youngjae chooses to shut up so I can pay attention to my other boys.

As I did last year, I want to give some special mentions and words to people who have really made my stay here amazing and who I’m glad I got to know. I’m going to cut it down to a few people or I might end up talking forever, but here’s a general thank you to everyone who has interacted with me in these past 1 year and 2 months I’ve been a part of Rookies. And if we haven’t interacted yet... *Finger guns* Hmu.

@moonbokrk Shizuka, you’re honestly one of the most fantastic people in the world and I’m so happy you decided to join me in this place. I can’t even remember how long we’ve known each other by now but it’s been many amazing years and I love you so much. Thanks for always being there for me and making my days amazing.

@jacksonxrk Wassup loser? Did you know that I love you? Like so incredibly much? You were one of the first people who appeared in my ims back when I first joined and I was honestly so relieved that I managed to click with you so well as a fellow Astro rper. You made me feel welcome and have in the meanwhile become one of my best friends like whoa I’m so platonically gay for you

@yutark Of course you get a spot on this list as well <3 I care about you a lot and honestly I’m so glad I hit you up for plotting because our threads are some of the ones that mean the most to me and inspire me the most to develop especially Youngjae but also Jinwoo. I swear that my boys would never be where they are today if not for you and your boys. Youngjae says Yuta can go rot in a pit tho.

@yienrk You’re the only solo mention I actually haven’t interacted with IC lol but honestly I’m so glad that I managed to beat my social anxiety and go talk to you because man are you a Good Person. I love losing my shit over our boys with you and it’s just? So amazing to have someone to talk to who appreciates them just as much. And is a sweet hecking person on top of that. And lets me be salty af when I want to get it out. Can’t wait to get to interact with Yien one day <3

rk astro chat @rkdongmin & @rkmbin & @rkpmh Tali got a double mention wtf stay in your lane FIRST THING FIRST man has it been fun to watch you two grow your love from Astro over this past time we’ve known and been talking to each other Tali you don’t count you were already hooked from the start but I had to include you in this section because you’re also an mvp. I just love how much these boys have captured your hearts, it’s so soft and pure and it makes me happy. I love the weird shenanigans our group chat always seems to be up to and there’s honestly never a dull moment. You guys are true mvps *finger guns*

KT Boyz @rksunwoo & @rkjohnny & @aronrk & @minhyukxrk & @rkgray & @taeminrk I KNOW THERE ARE MORE OF YOU SORRY BUT I HAVEN’T REALLY INTERACTED WITH Y’ALL YET SO *finger guns* let’s. You guys get a special mention here because you’ve honestly been taking such good care of me and Jinwoo. When he first got signed I was still so new that everything was incredibly overwhelming to both he and I, but you made me feel so welcome and helped me out with a lot of things both ic and ooc and I’m very thakful for that.

New gen Sphere Boyz @rkseokwoo & @rkjeon & @suhork I honestly can’t wait to get started on our shenanigans and get closer to y’all and your muses because i’m so excited for what’s in store for our boys. This can turn into something beautiful, and, I mean, if anything goes wrong we can always have Seokwoo go naked for the lulz

Other special mentions go to @rkxminhee & @rkseonho & @rksomi & @rkdonghyun & @rkmxrk being rad ass mofos who have also made me feel welcome ESPECIALLY JEN LIKE CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS BAD BITCH LET ME STAY IN HER APARTMENT MAN I MISS HER AND HER CATS let’s go swan boating again uwu

I probably forgot at least one person and I’m very sorry if I did but I’m running on not a lot of sleep and I’m sick af just know you’re all amazing and stay cool

I’m out

[pin-upmamacassie]

Exercise sucks and I don't think I'll ever enjoy it but I've also lost 5lbs this week so there's that.

I've also been eating a lot less at meal times, snacking a lot less, completely cut out soda, and drinking wayyy more water. I'm sure that's helping. But Ive noticed the past couple days what it actually feels like to eat till I'm satisfied and not till I'm full. And if I eat till I'm full now I'll feel sick to my stomach. The days I snack the most tho is when I do my walks. Im always soo hungry right after a walk. Which, I'm up to 2 1/4 miles! My time is still slow but I'm proud that I can do more than a mile now. It was super rough right after I had Landon. I almost couldn't do even 1 mile. My ultimate goal is 4 miles. The trail I walk is 4 miles long. So I'm about halfway there. Hopefully by the end of the year or beginning of next year I can walk the full trail.

It's been a long year trying and failing at losing the last bit of baby weight and getting back to my pre pregnancy body. But I'm finally getting some progress! I know I'll never be as small as before I had Sophia but my goal is my body before I had Landon. I know I'll have more loose skin on my belly because Landon was a bigger baby and he was also my second. So I'm coming to terms with that. But I just want to be as healthy as I was before I had him. I had felt so healthy and confident. I was proud that I could walk 3 1/2 miles. I was proud I was gaining my leg muscles back. I was proud of the curves I had gotten back. I was proud that I could get through a workout without feeling like I was gonna pass out or vomit after. I woke up feeling energized. I just felt so good all the time. And I just want that back. Im slowly getting there and I know if I keep it up I will get there. It's just such a long process. But I will get there. I'm determined.

[kaireads]

Review for Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

Only after quite a while of having finished this book did I realize that I never wrote a review. So I apologize if this isn't great, its been a little while since i read the book. I only have a rough draft.

4.8 stars

Yet another amazing book by Leigh! I was very excited to start reading this book and I loved it.

The book definitely started of slow, but not bad. I'm pretty sure this is just Leigh's writing style tho. But all in all, it didn't bother me at all because it was good. and I appreciate that.

The story progressed nicely but near the end there was barely to no build up to book two. If I did not know there was a second book then I would have been convinced it was just a stand alone book.

The characters were great but the relationships were... less than great. They could have been a lot better in my opinion. I didn't think over half of them made sense. But they didn't ruin the story at all for me.

Alina Starkov: She's ok. I'm a little sick of the main character thinks theyre ugly and useless trope but it also kinda made sense but it was still annoying. Other than that she was okay

Malyen Oretsev: Yeah no. He's a dick.

Darkling: I feel like you guys are going to judge the hell out of me for what im about to say because I have such a type. But i loved him. Hes a very morrally grey character and written pretty well. I liked it a lot

Genya Safin: I'd read the book just for Genya alone.

[addigni]

remind me not to take on any more competitions or extra school activities this month...

between schoolwork and internship and commissions that i need to quickly finish (holy shit i’m so sorry) and trying to manage the storenvy enamel pin sales and taking care of two fat cats (one of which fell ill a few weeks ago, he’s much better now tho) and also having to manage rent contract stuff and.... sleep...

there is not enough time in one day for me to manage all these, one thing or another will always get neglected

it either will significantly slow down the progress of commissions coz im out of time, laundry left piling mountains high because i’m out of time AND the dryer isnt working, the house floor is filled with cat fur and dust and not cleaned because im too tired by the time i get home, on the weekends usually my hygiene also takes a toll and i dont shower, and i dont have enough energy left to spare for all my friends even just for a chat its like im too tired i can only manage up to 2 people and then i will have to go back to work and then my body gets tired and then i fall sick and when you feel sick and nauseous when you live alone is exteremely inconvenient coz you cant even ask anyone to help you cook something light oh man i wish my cats can help me do the groceries for when im sick.... i’m such a mess lol

so yeah note to self: there is only 24 hours in a day, and my body needs rest too so like chill a bit, maybe? dont take any more extra work for now...