#slow progress tho because im feeling... sick

[sunnimint]

Sneak peek of Chapter 25 of BoaE!!!

[theallianceofcelestials]

Ello, seems im a bit late for this week’s Yap session haha. Some family stuff came up in the past couple of days and I just didn’t have the energy for the internet, sorry bout that my dears :P

Anyways, let the yapping commence /silly

-Sigma Anon

Welp I'm gonna start this cuz Sunray's currently not here, so this'll be answered a bit late, so sorry for that loves

This week has been spent with me being sick. :P Currently my nose does not wish to be used for its intended purpose, breathing, so I'm suffering with no air. But that's fine.

I'm also almost done in my current hell! Only like 1-2 weeks!!! I'm so goddamned happy, even if I'll still have a bunch of real hard exams right after which I'm very, very anxious about

I've also been trying to work on the second chapter of Embrace the Deep, but it's slow going with my head being full of static thanks to illness. Also, Sunray's birthday is approaching, so I should finish that up so I can work on his gift. Hopefully I'll manage somehow lol

And yeah, the doctor was mean to me too :( She's one evil female dog, who apparently doesn't believe in 21 year olds being too sick to walk the 15 mins it takes to get to her. When said 21 year olds are dizzy. And have opened the phone call with that information. That she then forgot. And then she broke my neck, and it went kachunk :(

So yeah, I'm dead now. Very sad and tragic.

I hope everything will get better for you! ^^ I'm always happy to hear from you, though I don't wanna seem pushy or something which is why I never contact you. Wish you the best tho! :]

If there's anything at all that you wanna talk about, privately or otherwise, feel free to approach us, or just me specifically on Discord! Even if I don't respond instantly I will. Once I'm awake or back home or in front of the computer :P

Anyways, now this is gonna sit here for a while, because my dear old friend, who's still the account owner despite my takeover, is not home yet, and also may want to play Cuphead (we got to King Dice yippeee) so it's gon take them a while

But yeah, good to hear from you again Sugars

Hey, Sunray here! Sorry this took so long to get answered because of me, but the past week has been very emotionally and mentally tiring. I may have mentioned here or on the Discord that I'm looking for a job, and on Thursday last week got some calls from 2 places, so I attempted an interview on Monday (and fumbled, the interviewer even dipping on me, which I'm pretty sure was just a nice little lie to "not hurt my feelings"), and checked out 2 potential positions from the second place on Tueasday.

Then on Wednesday I called back the second place to inform them I made a choice between the 2 positions, then went back there to get a whole bunch of paperwork I haave to fill out before I could start working there, and do a lung screening to see if I have TBC or something like that, and got a lab referral (for blood tests and all that jazz, which I'll be going back to do this upcoming Monday) cause it is a position in the healthcare field. So I'm currently procrastinating on them paperwork, because the wording of it is so confusing, I hate these official forms. Why can't they just write everything down very simply so that silly little entities such as myself can understand them. The secretary lady who gave me the "homework" also didn't really help with clearing stuff up while word vomiting at me and not letting me make some notes with the speed she was talking at.

So yeah, I'm currently crying about that and Moongleam is threatening me with us only watching Bee Movie for the rest of our lives if I don't do it, aswell as my mother ending me if she realises I'm not already done with them yet. So ya know, just end my suffering, haha.

On a brighter note, my (maybe) future colleagues were very sweet so far!

And on another note, I really want to continue writing my work in progresses, but simply lack the motivation to actually write. Just this morning I was bothering Moongleam about rambling about cat genetics, because of my Warrior Cats TSAMS AU, because I want Ruin to be a chimera cat, so he could have funky colouring (regular and dilute calico/tortoiseshell with white spotting, since I think those colours would fit him) aswell as having a mix of short and long fur (long mainly around his neck like a mane, and on his tail, and the rest of him short or medium furred).

And also have been thinking of my MASM fics that are collecting dust in my phone's notes app, and those stories do not deserve that. Also recently reread some of my brainings as I like to call them about a story from a previous fandom I was in, and since then distanced myself from, and I really want to write that story too, because it deserves to see the light of day, and I put so much thought into the stuff I have for it, Moongleam also helping with it, so yeah.

Anyway, it is your turn to Yap now, so do so, please! ^^

[hekkoto]

Update about why Im barely active :/

damn, I had so many plans and things I wanted to do in June but sadly I again got trolled by my health =,= Im super sorry for barely any arts, especially no stuff that was supposed to be done and posted this month like Patreon print for June, art for pride month and men’s mental health awareness month

this month was quite challenging because my health + hot and humid weather really kicked my ass… I deal with constant migraines, unimaginable muscle and joint pain and chronic fatigue. Not gonna lie, its really upsetting, especially that I feel like Im failing you all… but sad truth is that period from June to September is the worst part of year for me and no matter what I do, what are my plans Im forced to subdue to my chronic illnesses and just try to survive. Im not tormented by negative thoughts about this all so much cause Im working on this on therapy and accepting my health and that I dont have same possibilities as healthy person but I still need to deal with being in pain everyday and in this months I have more days when pain is on such bad level all I can do is lie in bed and just hope for it getting better next day :/

Im sorry I still havent replied to so many messages and comments, I think there are some which wait for replies over 2 months.. >.> I feel so stupid about this, also not delivering Patreon stuff.. eh, I have very slow progress and Im getting more and more stuff I owe. Im still working on this and will make them and deliver eventually but no matter how much I wanna do stuff, how motivated I am, how much I wanna catch up on all of the stuff Im still dependent on what my health will allow me to do

eh, I just wanna say I love you guys and Im sorry shit looks like this… Im doing my best but my best is still so lame low

welp, we will see what future weeks bring but I will keep trying to do my best tho I just wanna let you know that Im not ‘just doing nothing’ or ghosting anyone, Im just sick at the disability level :/

when I will feel fine I gonna work on arts, post all the stuff and keep replying, when I will be dying I will be… just dying ;p 

[nottobeadickoranything]

I like all music except these genres:

- Pop Punk. Worst genre of music all-time, a waste of everything. Not one riff or worse, "sex offender" riffs. I love how we are making it socially unacceptable for people over 25 to be into this genre in 2024.

- Ska. Second-worst genre. A genre that exists to make music school nerds feel cool. They aren't.

- Midwest Emo. I cant fw slower music with no groove and dislike almost all the vocals. Being so high school-coded is beyond cringe to me.

- The Smiths/Morrissey. I cant stand that fascist idiot, but then again, I was writing poetry in high school, so maybe Im not his intended audience. The Cure did everything The Smiths did and better/with more riffs/trax. The Smiths are the most overrated band ever, I always feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone with how many people still enjoy and pay him/them even though Moz has been a proud, open far right fascist over at least the last 20 years. Make it make sense!!!

- Shoegaze. A genre I nerded out over with the 2005 Russian blogs that appeared and had like, literally every album ever. First "genre" I checked out purely online and that experience of checking out these dozens upon dozens of releases worldwide all in one easy place is a fond one. But time has not been kind to this genre in my eyes/ears. It really is just 1 classic album, My Bloody Valentine's Loveless LP, and then a million and one ripoff bands. Shields himself always talked about progressing the genre and apparently made some straight up techno records intended to be "My Bloody Valentine" records, but it ended up the most cookie-cutter genre in existence while Shields proved time and time again to be all-talk, less-rock(or anything, really), with none of these supposed techno records ever appearing, just another Loveless ripoff LP entitled mbv.

- Country/Americana. Again, if its slow and has no groove that doesnt make me feel something or dance, gtfo. I don't believe in or relate to a single one of these lyrics or visuals. Barns are never cool and are a place I never want to be.

- Oi/Skinhead. Third rate power pop played by unemployed dudes who look like plummers who swear they aren't racists, they just enjoy dressing like them! Dude, why tho? Put your Vans back on, its not 1979 UK outside, its 2024 and you live in California bro, and Californians are factually cooler people than British people! Why are you handicapping yourselves!? Just be from CA, its literally the tightest place anyone can be from!!

- Black Metal. I hate racists and this is the genre packed to the brim with them. Also the riffs are bad and the music truly borders on unlistenable unless mixed with other genres. The snuff film of music genres, and Goreslam exists. Not for me, not interested, I'm from California this shit has always been worthless to me. We got real riffs out here and real riffers worldwide always came through The Bay. I grew up watching like, Annihilation Time and Iron Age live, amongst literally hundreds others of sick ass riffers. Iron Age said straight up they would rather tour The Bay over everywhere else, because their riffs were most at home there. Give me riffs or get lost...

I like or can tolerate every other genre there is. I especially enjoy Footwork, Slam Metal, Bay Area Rap, Powerviolence, Krautrock, Bay Area Thrash Metal, Experimental music of all kinds, Hardcore Punk music from California only, rare/roots Ambient music, and like literally everything else. I'm sure theres a techno/electronic music genre I don't like, but I haven't found it yet, they all suit a specific mood for me...

[yourbleedingh3art]

Some updates.

I’m not pregnant … cuz I’m bleeding out of my VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!!! Pairs of shorts/pants stained so far from this excursion: 2

Days of sobriety if I pretend I didn’t take three hits off that boys blunt: 24

Days of sobriety since I hit that blunt: 5

I still haven’t bought any weed for myself, and I didn’t text my ex even though it’s been a torturous carrot in front of my face, but Poems I’ve written about him instead: 2

My piece is getting workshopped today and it’s rainy and I sweat in my sleep and I keep having dreams about my body getting torn apart or me dying in a car crash and last nights dream was just me constantly getting overstimulated and interrupted and not having a moment to myself to breathe [Contributing heavily to Sleep-Sweat]

My big exam is today! Not sure how it will go. But happy it will be out of the horizon. Went to a study group last night and tried to watch a review video. Times I’ve fallen asleep while I tried to finish this review video: 3.

Emails I need to send: 3

My therapist didn’t do something she told me she would do and then I sent her an email about it and I still haven’t heard back. And that’s sad and if I dwell on it I think I will get upset. I’ve just been so sick of being upset lately and so maybe I have been ignoring every possible thing that is painful by pretending it is not painful and maybe this is why it escapes into my dreams which I used to not even really have because of how much weed I smoked and the funny thing is that’s such a major change in my life and I don’t really feel different at all . My parents say I’m different but oh please. I’m skeptical. Skeptics annoy me. I’m becoming annoying!!!! Just kidding. ☂️☔️

Writing in my diary has slowed down because I don’t want to take up the pages saying nothing and it’s hard to figure out what feels important to say. It’s weird how progress seems to change nothing. I’ve made these changes to be “better” which is loaded. I’m trying to exist better? But does that make me feel better? My prescription. For myself: Be more aware of the present moment and how you actually feel in the present moment

Writing and reading 📖 Has been a Best friend again

Music: Not hitting as hard. Obviously i always love music but

Food: yum. Been eating a lot of it. Getting to the point where im scared I’m gonna run out soon and why does grocery shppping sound so terrible… It’s the money. Im Brokey broke. Hmm. So the next question is will I get. A job. However. I hate that question. Ok. I will send some of the emails I have to send now ….

Oh and this is tonight! I think I will go? If I feel like being out at night in the dark . Don’t come at me w commitment y’all…. Weird rn. Therapy on Friday tho

[ncbodyknows]

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s just Shino’s gay ass.

So, this is the second time I get to celebrate the anniversary of this group and man, a lot has happened since last time. One year ago I was but a wee mun in the masses of rookies, a mere two month old RPer in this community. I didn’t know where to start or where to end back then, and frankly I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to stick around due to my notorious habit of muse hopping and getting tired of my characters after a short time. But will this setting ever allow me to become tired? I don’t think so. So much happens all the time and I feel so attached to my characters that I can’t even imagine myself without them right now. Back then I had literally just apped Youngjae here, and I had this to say about him:

“As for Youngjae, he’s still so much of a mess. Muse wise he’s older than Jinwoo, but his character is going to take a lot longer to settle into the mindset of the setting. He’s rude, blunt and selfish, and such a mess of contradicting emotions and I hate him no I don’t I love him but don’t tell him that. I’m so glad that he’s been so well received despite not exactly being the perfect fit for the group’s setting. Will he ever be able to become a rookie? I don’t know the answer to that yet, but I can’t wait to see him develop as a person and a character.”

It’s incredibly interesting to look back and see how it is because although he’s still a mess, I think I’ve come so far with his character development that I can’t help but feel emotional about it. I recently did a poll on my twitter about which of my rk boys people liked the best, and Youngjae won by quite a bit much to my surprise considering how problematic he can be. He’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea, and I apologise for that, but he is my baby nonetheless and I love him with my whole heart. He’s growing to become one of my favourite muses of all time and although he’s still rude, blunt, and selfish, he’s also a person who tries his hardest for the things he wants even when he might not know he want them. He’s caring in his own way for the people he cares about. He’s thirsty for acknowledgement, and honestly I’m amazed that I’m standing here a year later with both him and Jinwoo signed although let’s be real this boy is just a scandal waiting to happen.

Youngjae is not the only one who has gone through development, although I feel as though it’s been slower for Jinwoo, partly because I’m slow as a mun, partly because I’ve spent the past few months in an rp slump after moving to Japan and being stressed af, and partly because this bastard Youngjae is hogging all my attention. But he’s slowly breaking out of his shell and slowly gaining more confidence in himself, and most importantly he wants to become someone newer trainees at KT can look up to for advice and motivation. He just wants to help those who might need it like he himself was helped when first getting signed.

A thing that has changed since a year ago though is that I now have a third boy to pay attention to as well. Sanha started as Daehwi but eventually became the person he is now due to my struggles with the other faceclaim. He is my baby boy although he wants to be more adult than he actually is. He is my hyperactive mess of a muse who does before he thinks, and I can’t wait to get to develop him more as time progresses and Youngjae chooses to shut up so I can pay attention to my other boys.

As I did last year, I want to give some special mentions and words to people who have really made my stay here amazing and who I’m glad I got to know. I’m going to cut it down to a few people or I might end up talking forever, but here’s a general thank you to everyone who has interacted with me in these past 1 year and 2 months I’ve been a part of Rookies. And if we haven’t interacted yet... *Finger guns* Hmu.

@moonbokrk Shizuka, you’re honestly one of the most fantastic people in the world and I’m so happy you decided to join me in this place. I can’t even remember how long we’ve known each other by now but it’s been many amazing years and I love you so much. Thanks for always being there for me and making my days amazing.

@jacksonxrk Wassup loser? Did you know that I love you? Like so incredibly much? You were one of the first people who appeared in my ims back when I first joined and I was honestly so relieved that I managed to click with you so well as a fellow Astro rper. You made me feel welcome and have in the meanwhile become one of my best friends like whoa I’m so platonically gay for you

@yutark Of course you get a spot on this list as well <3 I care about you a lot and honestly I’m so glad I hit you up for plotting because our threads are some of the ones that mean the most to me and inspire me the most to develop especially Youngjae but also Jinwoo. I swear that my boys would never be where they are today if not for you and your boys. Youngjae says Yuta can go rot in a pit tho.

@yienrk You’re the only solo mention I actually haven’t interacted with IC lol but honestly I’m so glad that I managed to beat my social anxiety and go talk to you because man are you a Good Person. I love losing my shit over our boys with you and it’s just? So amazing to have someone to talk to who appreciates them just as much. And is a sweet hecking person on top of that. And lets me be salty af when I want to get it out. Can’t wait to get to interact with Yien one day <3

rk astro chat @rkdongmin & @rkmbin & @rkpmh Tali got a double mention wtf stay in your lane FIRST THING FIRST man has it been fun to watch you two grow your love from Astro over this past time we’ve known and been talking to each other Tali you don’t count you were already hooked from the start but I had to include you in this section because you’re also an mvp. I just love how much these boys have captured your hearts, it’s so soft and pure and it makes me happy. I love the weird shenanigans our group chat always seems to be up to and there’s honestly never a dull moment. You guys are true mvps *finger guns*

KT Boyz @rksunwoo & @rkjohnny & @aronrk & @minhyukxrk & @rkgray & @taeminrk I KNOW THERE ARE MORE OF YOU SORRY BUT I HAVEN’T REALLY INTERACTED WITH Y’ALL YET SO *finger guns* let’s. You guys get a special mention here because you’ve honestly been taking such good care of me and Jinwoo. When he first got signed I was still so new that everything was incredibly overwhelming to both he and I, but you made me feel so welcome and helped me out with a lot of things both ic and ooc and I’m very thakful for that.

New gen Sphere Boyz @rkseokwoo & @rkjeon & @suhork I honestly can’t wait to get started on our shenanigans and get closer to y’all and your muses because i’m so excited for what’s in store for our boys. This can turn into something beautiful, and, I mean, if anything goes wrong we can always have Seokwoo go naked for the lulz

Other special mentions go to @rkxminhee & @rkseonho & @rksomi & @rkdonghyun & @rkmxrk being rad ass mofos who have also made me feel welcome ESPECIALLY JEN LIKE CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS BAD BITCH LET ME STAY IN HER APARTMENT MAN I MISS HER AND HER CATS let’s go swan boating again uwu

I probably forgot at least one person and I’m very sorry if I did but I’m running on not a lot of sleep and I’m sick af just know you’re all amazing and stay cool

I’m out

[pin-upmamacassie]

Exercise sucks and I don't think I'll ever enjoy it but I've also lost 5lbs this week so there's that.

I've also been eating a lot less at meal times, snacking a lot less, completely cut out soda, and drinking wayyy more water. I'm sure that's helping. But Ive noticed the past couple days what it actually feels like to eat till I'm satisfied and not till I'm full. And if I eat till I'm full now I'll feel sick to my stomach. The days I snack the most tho is when I do my walks. Im always soo hungry right after a walk. Which, I'm up to 2 1/4 miles! My time is still slow but I'm proud that I can do more than a mile now. It was super rough right after I had Landon. I almost couldn't do even 1 mile. My ultimate goal is 4 miles. The trail I walk is 4 miles long. So I'm about halfway there. Hopefully by the end of the year or beginning of next year I can walk the full trail.

It's been a long year trying and failing at losing the last bit of baby weight and getting back to my pre pregnancy body. But I'm finally getting some progress! I know I'll never be as small as before I had Sophia but my goal is my body before I had Landon. I know I'll have more loose skin on my belly because Landon was a bigger baby and he was also my second. So I'm coming to terms with that. But I just want to be as healthy as I was before I had him. I had felt so healthy and confident. I was proud that I could walk 3 1/2 miles. I was proud I was gaining my leg muscles back. I was proud of the curves I had gotten back. I was proud that I could get through a workout without feeling like I was gonna pass out or vomit after. I woke up feeling energized. I just felt so good all the time. And I just want that back. Im slowly getting there and I know if I keep it up I will get there. It's just such a long process. But I will get there. I'm determined.

[kaireads]

Review for Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

Only after quite a while of having finished this book did I realize that I never wrote a review. So I apologize if this isn't great, its been a little while since i read the book. I only have a rough draft.

4.8 stars

Yet another amazing book by Leigh! I was very excited to start reading this book and I loved it.

The book definitely started of slow, but not bad. I'm pretty sure this is just Leigh's writing style tho. But all in all, it didn't bother me at all because it was good. and I appreciate that.

The story progressed nicely but near the end there was barely to no build up to book two. If I did not know there was a second book then I would have been convinced it was just a stand alone book.

The characters were great but the relationships were... less than great. They could have been a lot better in my opinion. I didn't think over half of them made sense. But they didn't ruin the story at all for me.

Alina Starkov: She's ok. I'm a little sick of the main character thinks theyre ugly and useless trope but it also kinda made sense but it was still annoying. Other than that she was okay

Malyen Oretsev: Yeah no. He's a dick.

Darkling: I feel like you guys are going to judge the hell out of me for what im about to say because I have such a type. But i loved him. Hes a very morrally grey character and written pretty well. I liked it a lot

Genya Safin: I'd read the book just for Genya alone.

[addigni]

remind me not to take on any more competitions or extra school activities this month...

between schoolwork and internship and commissions that i need to quickly finish (holy shit i’m so sorry) and trying to manage the storenvy enamel pin sales and taking care of two fat cats (one of which fell ill a few weeks ago, he’s much better now tho) and also having to manage rent contract stuff and.... sleep...

there is not enough time in one day for me to manage all these, one thing or another will always get neglected

it either will significantly slow down the progress of commissions coz im out of time, laundry left piling mountains high because i’m out of time AND the dryer isnt working, the house floor is filled with cat fur and dust and not cleaned because im too tired by the time i get home, on the weekends usually my hygiene also takes a toll and i dont shower, and i dont have enough energy left to spare for all my friends even just for a chat its like im too tired i can only manage up to 2 people and then i will have to go back to work and then my body gets tired and then i fall sick and when you feel sick and nauseous when you live alone is exteremely inconvenient coz you cant even ask anyone to help you cook something light oh man i wish my cats can help me do the groceries for when im sick.... i’m such a mess lol

so yeah note to self: there is only 24 hours in a day, and my body needs rest too so like chill a bit, maybe? dont take any more extra work for now...