#so I guess that's more convenient for people
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Choose Your True Love - Keith Howell (part 4/4)
This is the from the 4th anniversary event.
As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this.
(—I didn’t expect this)
Alter!Keith: You don’t even look sleepy.
Emma: You’ll be surprised by how gutsy I can be.
Alter!Keith: So you’re saying you didn’t cry during the fight or when people were hurling insults?
Emma: Well…I wouldn’t say cry, but rather, I’ve gotten so angry I thought I’d explode.
Alter!Keith: Wish I did something about that. Would’ve been interesting to see you rage.
Moonlight dimly lit the room.
Prince Keith was sitting on my bed, staring down at me as I lay on my bed.
The way it felt like he was watching my every move made me so nervous, I wondered if he could hear my heart beating.
Alter!Keith: …
Sorry.
(...For what happened back at the estate, I’m guessing)
(I have a feeling he’s not used to apologizing)
The way he awkwardly looked away was so different from how cold he was toward the nobles. I felt some sort of adoration.
Emma: Just words?
Alter!Keith: Is there something you want?
Emma: I want you to sleep.
Alter!Keith: You’re still worried about these dark circles? Too bad I’m not feeling sleepy.
Emma: You might fall asleep if you just close your eyes.
Alter!Keith: I’m still not done dealing with those people, so there’ll be trouble if he comes to the front.
…Well, causing trouble would be convenient for me.
Prince Keith snickered at that and I couldn’t sense his true intentions.
Suddenly, everything that happened today flashed before my eyes.
(Wicked Prince Keith didn’t have any obligation to put so much effort into taking over government affairs and work)
(The reason why he does what he does is for the sake of the nice Prince Keith)
(So much more than I could ever imagine…He only lives for the nice Prince Keith)
(Probably never for himself)
I tried to hold back the tears that started to well up as I continued to think about how he supported the nice Prince Keith all by himself, without anyone being aware.
(I’m frustrated by the fact that I can’t do anything to help, even when I’m right beside him)
(But I don’t want to keep being someone that can’t do anything)
Alter!Keith: Hm?
I sat up on the bed and turned toward him.
I then gently placed my hands over Prince Keith’s ears.
Alter!Keith: What are you doing?
Emma: Warming your ears can help you calm down and relax.
There’s too many unpleasant feelings today and I want to make them go away.
…Please let me at least do this.
(I want to help lift this burden, even if it’s just for now)
Alter!Keith: …
Prince Keith’s sigh melted into the dimly lit room.
Seeing the somewhat vulnerable look on his face after he released his pent- up emotions loosened the strings tightened around my heart.
Alter!Keith: That guy’s future fiancee sure is softhearted.
Emma: …How did you know?
Alter!Keith: You don’t look like the type to invite someone else to your room when you’re engaged.
A bony finger traced over the engagement ring on my finger that had two jade stones of different colors.
Alter!Keith: If you really are his fiancee in the future…
Is that guy finally smiling?
(...This was what he wanted to ask back in the study)
Though he asked nonchalantly, there was an underlying desire in his voice.
Emma: …Yes, he’s smiling. So, so much.
Every day, from morning to night, he’ll smile on various occasions.
Whenever our eyes meet or we pass by each other, the smiles reach his eyes…Ah, when we made sweets the other day, I got so shy with how much he smiled. It was so cute…
And before we sleep—mmph.
Alter!Keith: I didn’t tell you to gush about it.
(Hmm, I was doing that)
I nodded and he removed his hand from my mouth.
Alter!Keith: Well it sounds like he’s happy…else there’d be no point in me being around.
…
That guy came back.
(Ah…)
Emma: Even you smile just as much as him.
Alter!Keith: Huh…me?
Emma: Of course.
Alter!Keith: What…I didn’t disappear?
(Ah, I thought so)
~~ Flashback ~~
Alter!Keith: Haha, so I played with you in the future? Well, you do look gullible.
~~ End flashback ~~
(It’s been on his mind this whole time)
(The way he said it, he assumed he didn’t exist anymore in the future)
Since his very existence was supposed to be impossible, it’s only natural for him to think that way.
(But I don’t want him to assume that)
(I want Prince Keith of the past to know he has a future)
Emma: In the future, I’m engaged to both Prince Keiths.
I love you both and you’re both more important to me than anything else.
Alter!Keith: …
Emma: That’s why I don’t want you to think you’re someone that will disappear. I won’t let you think that.
I want you to remember that the both of you will be loved by a stubborn, greedy woman.
When I loosely laced my fingers with his, he awkwardly responded back.
It looked like he believed me.
Emma: I’m still new to it, so there’s only so much I can do to help you.
But I definitely will become a strong woman who can support you.
Alter!Keith: You’ve already done enough.
Actually, I…
Your words saved me.
The last time I saw Prince Keith, he looked childish and at peace.
--
(Mmm…I’m in…)
Instead of moonlight, it was sunlight that streamed into the room through the windows. I squinted at the brightness.
When I sat up and looked around, I found myself in Prince Keith’s room.
(Everything that just happened was all a dream)
(It was a pretty realistic dream…my heart still aches a bit)
Alter!Keith: Thought you weren’t in your own room. You were here instead.
Emma: Ah…Prince Keith.
(Oh yeah. I was waiting for him in his room as he finished his official duties)
Alter!Keith: …
(What’s wrong?)
When Prince Keith came into the room, he immediately made his way toward me and sat on the bed.
He awkwardly patted my head.
Alter!Keith: You look like you wanna cry.
Emma: Ah…Well, I was remembering the dream I had.
Alter!Keith: …That so. Then nothing happened to you.
Emma: Sorry for worrying you.
Alter!Keith: Not forgiven.
Emma: Eep!
After nipping my neck, he wrapped his arms around my waist.
The pain in my chest faded away as he patted my back, similar to the way one would when comforting a child.
(Back then and now, Prince Keith’s kindness never changed)
Emma: Um, so your official duties…?
Alter!Keith: I’m done with them.
Emma: You finished pretty early today.
Alter!Keith: More precisely, I put an end to it. Wanted to spend time with you.
Since it’s your day off, there’s no point in my working that hard in the first place.
(You say that, but I know you do your job perfectly)
(...So you want to spend time with me?)
Emma: Mnn…
He tilted my chin and captured my lips with his.
It felt a surge of happiness with love from our repeated touches.
We stared at each other and when I kissed him, he pushed me down onto the bed.
(Wicked Prince Keith has things he wants to do for himself now)
(Use his time for himself, and not for the sake of someone else)
Warmth spread in my chest.
(I want this to keep being the norm for him)
With that wish, I hugged my lover tightly.
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#the epic highs & lows of funeral planning...#since things can be described as dysfunctional on that side of the family#I was really not expecting to be able to attend the ash scattering of my grandpa#but then ppl picked a date that was the week on my cousin's wedding and I can be in town!#that's great! especially cause I was one of two people that wanted to be there in the first place#although others may want to be there now too#anyways... turns out that date is too close to the wedding for my cousin so they're wanting to move it to the weekend before#so I'd have to be there for a week at least to attend all the things#so I guess that's more convenient for people#to spend a whole week?#he died in November let's just have it be over#I was the only one who was bothered i guess so... sucks for me
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twitter takes on toshiro makes me cry... bro was subjected to microaggressions for 5 HOURS and raised in a high-context culture (where you Do Not say negative things outright), and ppl are still like "no he's just a bad person bc he's mean to my boy laios"
#dungeon meshi#nakamoto toshiro#like. he's not 100% in the right but he's also not 100% in the wrong!#sometimes people just have mismatched communication styles and it's unfair to pin all the blame on one side#(i guess part of why i'm so frustrated is because i'm asian and while i use an english name so that my name isn't butchered#some members of my family do have the experience of westerners getting their name wrong and refusing to try better#or like 'why don't you have an English name to make things easier' etc etc)#(to be fair i don't mind my English name and have used it my entire life/it's on my official docs since i was a baby. but also.#part of it *is* because it's just. more convenient to use an english name when they'll inevitably ask for one anyway y'know?)
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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2023 reads // twitter thread
To Shape A Dragon’s Breath
YA fantasy
a young Indigenous girl finds & bonds with a dragon hatchling - the first time in many generations for her people - and is required to go to the coloniser’s dragon academy in their mainland city, to learn how to raise her dragon and the science of its magic
historical inspired setting on the cusp of industrial revolution with steampunk vibes
bi polyamorous MC, Black lesbian SC, nonverbal autistic SC
#To Shape A Dragon’s Breath#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is really really good i loved it!#the chapter titles are all like snippets of a story. or like sentence fragments that match up. which is cool#it is definitely more about being indigenous in a coloniser institution than Dragon School - not Super dragon heavy if you want that#I suspect the subsequent books will get into that when she gets big enough to ride and stuff#t’s also def YA! i’ve seen a few ppl assume it’s adult and be like its very young :( but like. I mean its perfectly reasonable for a 15yo m#definitely a Lot of racism and colonialism which is not fun to read! though it's still through a YA lens. there was def a part of me that#was imagining consequences of the narrative as if it were an adult novel#on that line of thought - at the end a lot of it is kind of solved by them going to the king and he's is like. oh no racism is happening?#that's bad i'll deal with those people! which felt like. a little simplistic. but maybe the easiest way to end the narrative for book 1 -#I don't think the author ACTUALLY is going to portray the king as a Good Guy throughout the series - it just felt conveniently like -#a simple YA solution to some very big and complex elements? if that makes sense? (but again - it is YA so it's allowed I suppose!)#some of the worldbuilding (like all the science learning) is probably setup for next books - we don’t really see any practical application#the romances are also subtle and not Overbearing In Book One which i like - leave some space for the series!#also her getting fanmail from a 10yo mixed race girl who looks up to her 🥺#anyway. i really loved it!#oh also it reminded me a little of leviathan. i guess just the steampunk/time period/european culture....#To Shape A Dragon's Breath
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Religiously i think about one of my twitter mutuals pointing out how aoki's design is subtly asymmetrical while ichiban is more symmetrical
when i think of it, masato's design is fairly symmetrical as well isnt it.....
#snap chats#please no one look at me i shouldve gotten my drink two hours ago#what does it mean .....#i swear my mutual had like. galaxy brain when it came to aoki i swear to god in heaven no one got him like they did#they were also the one that did that glass analysis post i shared some months back#moving on tho...#i guess there is the stipulation that because masato's shirt buttons dont match his shirt like ichi's does the buttons at the top mess it u#but aside from that everything else is pretty even: he has a pair of bangs and while his shirt is patterned its not like. grossly so#the pattern doesnt go particularly one way or the other its obviously just a pattern and the colors arent offensively against each other#on the flipside aoki's hair is more obviously swept to one side and leaving the other side bare#not to mention his tie in general. the 'bulb' part and 'tongue' part even go against each other#as if a diagonal striped tie itself wouldnt be askew to his overall look#again these are very small things to notice but im glad theyre small- it makes sense for a politician's to be subtly incongruent#the glasses are super important to aoki's design too but that's covered int eh glass analysis and isnt about symmetry#idk ... maybe im just waffling on about nothing.. either way i love those posts by my mutual#OH i think of this because i am once again thinking of updating how i draw masato#cause i like the blazer and necklace i gave him BECAUSE of that asymmetry#but now i wonder if thatd go against his design ... so i have to ask 'what underlying message is there for masato to be symmetrical'#i guess- even if he is a creep and a weirdo- he's not. evil? idk ... he hasn't gone totally off the deep end compared to aoki#like compared to what he'd go on to do as aoki he's pretty normal as masato#he is just a guy. who DOES have ties to the yakuza but this aint about that LKCJALKREJVA#he doesnt even like them he just uses them for his convenience 😔#idk. ill prob still draw masato the same tbh LMAO if anything ill just crop his blazer but keep it symmetrical#i guess i cant wonder this TOO much when i give him mismatching rings 💀💀 ill just have fun ig fjaelrvekljv#at the end of the day its never that serious ...... i just gotta draw what makes me chortle. esp for a chara three people care about VJLAEK#but i will wonder ..... <- it is not that deep#ima go bye
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its really so absurd to me that even among people that believe climate change is real the popular belief seems to be "and anyone that tries to do anything to mitigate it is annoying and an idiot" like what are you talking about
#tag for when im talking#look i know the problem is corporations and legislation i get this i get that theres not a lot to be done individually#but also even if everyone in every government woke up tomorrow and decided they gave a shit and they were going hard in on this one thing#there would still be like. individual lifestyle changes that need to be made. there would still be a several year period that it would#still be more convenient to do the easier and more climate harming thing. cause even in this fantasy world were everyones on board#it takes time to change production lines and built environments. yknow. but we dont live in this fantasy world.#and realistically theres probably not a lot that most people can do. but a lot of people can do Something. which is better than Nothing.#like i dont think “the problem is corporations” is wrong but i feel like its held up as a way to say “so i dont need to do anything”#and as a way to paint people who try to do something as like. naive and ignorant.#its very uh. doomerism i guess.
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it's almost interesting how some people just like being cruel for the sake of being and how it almost always is just targeting LOL
#carpet meows#just remembering some stuff i'm mostly over of#but like. i sometimes still wonder what i might've done to deserve the exact same shit happening thrice#all from different people too#xD#the third time didn't hurt anywhere as much as the first ones did but still#it's also interesting because they were all so convincing & likely premeditated/thoroughly thought out#yet also so so very stupid#even if they lasted somewhat long they were also so easy to find out if only i had looked harder into it and paid more mind#so many perfect conveniences and coincidences to the point it all made one huge plot hole#i guess that's the best way i can put it into words right now#hm#What rhe fuck am i talking about truly
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ah yeah it's saturday and the school year's started. explains the protesters on my way to the metro station
#i passed someone holding a 'washington commits infanticide' side and i was just like. ah sidewalk prayer is back on again yeah?#*lives next to a planned parenthood#*school has a regular and well-attended 'sidewalk prayer' event on saturdays where people go and pray the rosary/protest outside it#happened during the summer too but attendance massively ticks up when students are on campus#pp posts up volunteers outside with hi vis 'escort' vests to help people Trying To Get Healthcare avoid too much harassment every week#i guess the people who just show up to pray are annoying but not disruptive. the people with angry signs and shouting suck ass though#it's annoying that they all treat pp like an abortion factory still though when that place does literally so many other things#they have a big banner out front advertising primary care services#and they'll see you for migraines. internal medicine. stuff like that. not just reproductive health although of course that's important#like honestly of i didn't already have an appointment booked across the city i'd probably move to seeing doctors there#hell of a lot more convenient. even if you have to deal with the demonstrators outside. but at least they're usually constrained to saturday#i wanna talk about me
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"new covid shot" has been on the to do list for an age and i've been failing to cross it off due to cowardice (terrifying ordeal of returning to the local health center) and lack of information (had no idea if they were giving out a new one around here) but i finally went down there today to get one and yes, they are available, but although the center is open until 6pm I apparently need to come back around 4 tomorrow. which means leaving work early but that's fine. i've been using my sick time much more liberally this year lol last year i barely touched it.
anyway. I was wondering
Have people been having side effects from the latest one? I genuinely don't remember if it was the first or second one that had me in bed with a fever all the next day, but I haven't had side effects other than that.
#covid#every time for the last several months i have put on a mask i have thought 'oh hey i probably need an updated vax huh?'#but no one is talking about vaccines? i've been to the doctor for unrelated things and they don't ask. but anyway the health center people#seemed enthusiastic about the fact that i was in there for what really should've been my 2023 winter booster#or not booster i guess new vaccine? i really dont know any more#starting the new year off on the right foot i guess#new year's resolution: get vaccines more promptly#i miss getting my flu shot in the grocery store at home that was so convenient. no excuses
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Soo...... are we all just gonna forget about everything she did? Cool. Cool. Cool......
#LOVE when a band releases more music and people conveniently forget all of the shit thats happened#like i havemt been part of this fandom in AWHILE specifically because people continue to romanticize that god forsaken relationship#but the last thing i remember happening years ago was an actual physical abuse situation this guy was in#now ppl are posting videos with the abuser climbing that boy like a pole#youre kidding. right?#people will see a cis white woman being slightly weird and then defend her with their lives. thats an abusive piece of shit u have right#there but. go off i guess#if you know me you know what band this is about#if you dont know DONT dig theres a fucking reason im not tagging or putting names#last i remember her fans doxxed someone. so.#people like to act like the only reason you can hate this chick is bc youre jealous she has a relationship with a pretty boy#girl i dont want your sadboy twink. i just dont want you SLAPPING SOMEONE DRUNKENLY IN PUBLIC ?????#anyways i wish the rest of the band got some attention bc the actual music sounds rlly good#the entire reason i left the fandom is bc the stans of both that dude and the chick hes with.
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#i was conveniently ‘forgotten’ in the social media posts promoting the fundraiser for my non-profit happening this weekend#but guess who pulled two thirds of the crowd who came based on my own marketing of the event?#yeah i be fucking LOVED#i will not doubt that again#people came to this event because they LOVE me and SUPPORT me#god i feel so loved not only for myself but for where i work (although the love was mostly for me)#i work really hard and i hope (and think?) that everyone else is starting to take me more seriously after tonight#like i know they know they’d be fucked without me#but mostly i’m just so grateful that my people showed up for me#i’m so grateful my community sees what i’m doing and uplifts me for it#even when my job doesn’t#i hope we do a fundraiser like this again because i can get people to show up if needed#and i’m only 28 !!!!#i already have such a loving and supportive community behind me and i’m only 28!!!!#filing this under things i need to remember
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I see a lot of complaints from people in photography groups that they struggle with the focus tracking in their camera or just focus in general and I'm not gonna lie, I just can't relate. My DSLR is too ancient to have that kind of thing so I learned to do everything the hard way and did so for a decade. Plus shooting film teaches you a lot about manually shooting. Too many photographers are too reliant on the tech and need to go a little more old school/manual because I strongly believe it makes a better photographer.
#personal#like the tech is cool and convenient#but it really stunts a person's growth in a way#like everyone should know how to grab focus fast without the fancy tracking in cameras now#like my dslr does have servo i wont lie#but i still had to track my subjects manually#like i got by okay shooting sports with that slow as fuck camera#so idk just feels silly i guess to see so many people complaining#when its really not hard to compensate for the camera 🤷#maybe its just people expecting the tech to pull more weight than it actually can#so they just dont understand that theyre supposed to do more than just press a button??
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jason kim your ex is on tumblr now https://www.tumblr.com/thesushiguyy
Who...?
Oh. The guy from Ushi Bar, right.
We never really dated? He did help me move my stuff to Hollie's place though- that was... nice of him.
#ooc: current blog canon has decanonized him and kim as an item! unless they want to interact w me and have an ideas on how I can Fix That#ooc: it was more convenient for doing the hollie interactions. the way im currently imagining things is that Kim's beef with Hollie is less#+ a legitimate backstabbing/betrayal and more Kim being put off/a little jealous of the fact that people who expressed an interest in her +#+continually will also go for Hollie and will actually pursue her more actively than they would Kim#ooc: so like. if i was leaning more on SPTO canon. stuff like roxie's comment after their kiss would probably have made her a Mega Bitch +#+ to Hollie the next time she saw her despite them not interacting. does this make sense?#ooc: anyhow at a glance it looked like they were running some jason/ken bit currently#ooc: so yeah. the way ive been thinking about it so far Kim just knows Jason as a guy who expressed an interest in her when she'd show up +#+to get something on lunch break- which she was considering seriously... until she brought Hollie along one day and saw how he was ogling +#+her by comparison. Kim was upset but less about Jason himself and more just “what the hell am I? dirt?”#ooc: i am super open to reworking this since im not 100% happy with it but it's just. the way things work best I guess with the Kimona stuf#ooc: ALSO. I have her call it the Ushi Bar because the S is always out. she refuses to call it Sushi Bar again until they fix it.#pine.txt#asks#anon#rp#kim pine#sp comic#spvtwtg#spto#spvtw#(now to go reblog their intro I suppose!)#(ooc: also. processing that you d i d give me the opportunity to put this in separate continuity... but since this is their first mention +#(+ here and this change is relatively recent for blog canon I don't want to confuse anyone)#((ooc: ALSO... he IS brought up for the first time just after the Knives kiss right? man was a shield. that's my thoughts on that.))#thesushiguyy#jason kim#((ooc: also that jealousy thing WOULD effect more than just Hollie. it's just that it happens more frequently with her than anyone else))#?#(unsure if i may change the formatting for this to make it roadtrip compliant)
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Duolingo will try and convince you that practicing for a few days when you feel like you can’t take a new lesson yet is a failure, that you aren’t doing as well as you could and “oh no! The ranking”
The owl lies. I have taken three near perfect practice lessons the last three days because I want to make sure I have the stuff I’ve learned seared into my brain better. If i don’t take a week or two for practicing old lessons I’m going to forget how to spell pharmacy in Norwegian and then I’ll fail a future one. You can’t expect me to just learn new words constantly without brushing up on old ones and NOT forget how to spell something or the word for something else, you dumb bitch. This is about me learning how to listen and read, not about how long I can stay in the sapphire league. The notifications about it are super annoying but I can’t shut them off or I’ll forget when I’ve spent the day doing something different than usual and my schedule is thrown off
#emma posts#some nights I think it would be more convenient to just read some of my translation dictionary but that fucking owl doesn’t know I do that#and it will break my streak#I have been keeping up for over 200 days#since I started using the app actually#if that fucking owl says I stopped practicing because I spent a night with my actual dictionary I will execute it like French nobility#I’m weirdly heated about my streak#I guess I could take a Swedish lesson if I really wanted to be lazy but then I mix up spelling!#at least Spanish is so different that i don’t mix up the spelling but I’m so rusty at it and haven’t been focusing on that one#sometimes I wish I was taking in person classes so I could ask questions but then people would see me and I get nervous doing this with#people watching and do worse than when I’m alone#I’m also a little pissed that the app focuses on travel so much because I’m learning the language for something else first but it’s#better than nothing and my alternative is just read dictionaries and look for YouTube videos#why am I so bad at making sentences in other languages? I can listen to people speak with words I’ve learned and get that fast. but making#the sentences MYSELF is so much harder!#and I don’t have anyone to talk to with it anyway#the only guy I can think of is probably dead and I’m not even sure how to contact him anymore
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Oh ya know, most of my ideas feeling tired and boring is probably because I haven't like. Just chilled and done whatever for a while. Been stressing over this gecko and am not likely to get to stop doing that until after the health check. Thankfully there's not as much to do now, but it still feels like a lot to do.
#i don't think this is the right medication for me ngl cause this is harder than it needs to be#but it also could be the overwhelming nature to this#the part where getting a new pet hasn't been exciting it's just been stress after stress#and no one is listening to me about stuff and I'm relying on being awarded disability benefits#to be able to get the money to replace the tank to the appropriate size#with the appropriate design for a house with cats#which is pushing things that i myself need back because i can't afford both#AND it's forcing the hand and making me HAVE to do things which is putting so much pressure on me#and then bosh is still here and i still have to work with him cause no one else will#apparently he's not leaving anymore so thanks now i have MORE to do#and just!!! everyone has thrown a grenade at my plans and progress!!!#and now that I'm struggling AFTER I've been succeeding? WELL GUESS WHAT PEOPLE ARE EXPECTING FROM ME#i just. god.#everything's gone... so fast...#i can at least do the digital stuff now. maybe some of the tank stuff...#cause that's a desperate case too... i just... god... i had plans and they were going well#and i was struggling yeah but i was coping but then everyone just. GOD I HATE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE#'why are you always getting at me?' BECAUSE YOU KEEP IGNORING MY NEEDS FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE#AND FOR THE EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS#OBVIOUSLY#I'm not even mad at the gecko. I'm scared to say I love him. it's not his fault whats going on.#the only innocent here#hhhhhhhhhhhh sorry to personal ramble here I'm just. struggling.#and mum bought crickets. great. not like there were fifty reasons why we didn't have them before or anything.#cool.#fun.#get me out of here fucking hell I'm tired#I'll be happy once geck is safe with all his needs met. until then I'm stuck in purgatory.#and freaking out over nothing (waxworms that obviously move)
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