#so I will have to think of something to either add or split a chapter up

[ceiling-karasu]

New Chapter of Lily Bell in the Thorn Thicket

[thetriumphantpanda]

Eyes Wide Open | Joel Miller

The Checklist - Exhibitionism

Chapter Summary | You want people to watch you, Joel knows exactly how to help you with that.

Chapter Warnings | Are y'all bored of the porn without plot warning yet? Joel takes you to a sex club, public sex, exhibitionism, Joel gets cocky that people like looking at you getting fucked, unprotected PiV sex, fingering, dirty talk, pet names, aftercare, no use of y/n, no outbreak AU. Disclaimer that I've never been to a sex club so I have no idea if this is accurate, but we move. Please be kind.

Word Count | 3.5K

Pairing | Joel Miller x F!Reader

Authors Note | Shoutout to @hellishjoel for helping me work through the ideas for this one, and shoutout to my dreams for showing me exactly how it should play out. We're on the downhill stretch of the checklist now but it you're still enjoying this then reblogs and comments are always appreciated, and if you'd like to support me further, you can donate to my Ko-Fi.

A reminder that whilst this is part of a wider series, this can be read as a standalone if you wish.

Beautiful divider by @saradika

I no longer have a taglist, to keep up to date with my work, please follow @thetriumphantpandanotifs and turn on notifications.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Ko-Fi.

It’s a Friday night, not particularly late by the time you shut your computer down and sit back in the chair with a sigh. The door to your office clicks shut behind you as you walk through to the bedroom, intent on changing out of your work clothes and into something comfy, ordering pizza and spending the rest of the weekend attached to Joel’s side, but it seems like he’s got other ideas.

He’s sat on the edge of the bed, changed from his work clothes, but still looking casual in his jeans and a flannel, but sitting next to him, laid out so delicately on the sheets, is his favourite lingerie set of yours. Skimpy, all black see-through lace that leaves nothing to the imagination, and your trench coat sat next to him, and then your trusty pair of black heels on the floor. He’s smirking, but there’s an air of something nervous about him tonight, which you can tell from the bouncing of his leg and the way he runs his hand over his face.

“Change into this,” He says quickly, tone clipped as he stands, “I’ll wait downstairs.”

And then he’s gone, his heavy footfall giving him away as he walks down the stairs, leaving you a little dumbfounded. Your hands are already reaching to divest yourself of your clothes though, letting them fall into a pile at the end of the bed as you slip on the black lace. You don’t even bother to check yourself out in the mirror, you don’t care what you look like. All you know is that this little ensemble drives Joel wild, and that’s plenty for you, as you slip the black heels on and tie the coat around your waist with a knot.

Downstairs, Joel is pacing, something he rarely does unless he’s nervous. The keys to his truck are in his hand. He doesn’t even speak to you when he wrenches open the front door and motions with his hand for you to go outside. He doesn’t speak to you on the drive into town either. It’s not until he’s pulled up along a random street, outside of a nondescript building that he opens his mouth, but only when you question him.

“You wanna tell me why we’re sat outside some random building?”

He unbuckles his seatbelt and turns to you with a little sigh, “This seemed like a good idea at the time, but I ain’t sure you’re gonna like it.”

“Try me, Miller.”

Another sigh, “Well, I’ve been thinkin’ about that list again, about you wantin’ people to watch you, watch us, and this was the only thing I could think of,” You raise an eyebrow at him, “It’s a sex club.”

You can feel the smirk growing across your mouth, “Dare I ask how you found a sex club in Austin?”

He grumbles something incoherent which only adds to your amusement of the whole situation, “We don’t have to go in, I know it’s a lot,” He adds, hand finding your thigh under the split in your coat, “Say the words and I’ll drive us back home, unwrap you and fuck you until you can’t walk, it’s up to you baby.”

You take a moment to think, because there is the low bubble of anxiety settling in your stomach. Sure, the idea of someone watching you, admiring you as you get fucked, has always appealed to you. There’s no reasoning behind it, you don’t really know why, it’s just something you’ve always wanted to try. But that doesn’t make the thought of this any easier - it’s a club full of people who probably do this sort of thing all the time, people who have specific things they like to watch, maybe even specific people and what if you aren’t one of them? But, that warm palm on your thigh makes you feel safe, and even if no-one else watches you, he always does.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

You’re not sure what you were expecting from the inside of a sex club on the outskirts of downtown Austin, but it certainly wasn’t this. The inside is beautifully decorated, plush velvet seating, red drapes that section off certain parts of the club, a floor that isn’t sticky, but immaculately clean instead. You were expecting it to smell too, and it does, but not unpleasant in any way. There’s low music playing, and you can certainly hear some of the other people here already having fun, but it doesn’t embarrass you, only makes you more excited.

At the door, someone had explained how things work - there was no obligation to do anything, but if you did want to engage in anything sexual, you had to use one of alcoves that were curtained off. If you wanted people to watch, leave one of the curtains open, and if you wanted them to join in, all you had to do was invite them to do so, but otherwise, they had to watch, and none of them could get themselves off whilst they watched either - the woman explained there were areas to do that elsewhere.

Joel has a hand on your lower back, guiding you over to the bar - strictly no alcohol for obvious reasons - but the bartender makes you a very nice virgin sex on the beach, which is ironic. Joel sips on a 0% beer as you stand and wait to see who makes the first move. You sit and look around, letting the sounds of other women’s pleasure fill your ears, looking at the other couples who are doing much the same as you and Joel are, apart from the fact that you can’t see any of them secretly trying to rub their thighs together for a little relief.

There’s a moment, a little while later, when one of the sets of curtains is pulled back, and a woman, hand-in-hand with a man, walk out, attached at the hip, looking sweaty and sated. You take hold of Joel’s hand, leaving your half finished drink on the bar, and drag him behind the curtain before anyone else has a chance to take it.

“Keen, are we?” He chuckles, watching closely as you close both curtains behind you for now, turning to him.

“Kiss me.”

He walks over to you, lips pressing gently to yours as his hands take hold of the belt keeping your coat together, hands pulling at the knot to undo it, his palms pushing it from your shoulders to leave you standing in just your underwear.

“You want me to open the curtain?” He asks softly against your mouth.

You nod, trying to chase his mouth as he pulls away a little.

“Words, baby,” He says, “Use them.”

You snake your hand around his neck, pulling him back down to your mouth, “Open it,” You demand, “Let them see.”

Letting him go, you walk slowly over to the couch near the back of the room, sitting down on it, crossing one leg over the other as Joel pulls back one side of the curtain. He turns, walking back toward you as he takes off his shirt, unbuckles his belt and leaves both on the floor with your coat. He gently takes hold of your hand, pulling a little to get you to stand up.

Joel settles on the couch, right where you had been sitting before, widening his legs, tapping the material between them for you to sit, which you do, facing the open curtain as you sit between his thighs.

He splays one hand across the naked skin of your tummy, pulling you closer into him, the bulge in the front of his jeans resting against your lower back, the other cradling the side of your face opposite where his lips are currently tracing down your neck and over your shoulder. You close your eyes, let out a soft sigh of pleasure, as your head tips back against his shoulder.

When you open your eyes, there's a jolt of surprise when you see a few people already standing near the open curtain, already watching you. They’re almost casual with it, stood with their arms crossed or leaning against the wall as Joel trails his hand from your tummy to your thigh, widening his own as he pulls yours further apart.

“They’re looking, Joel.” You whisper softly.

“I know, baby,” He coos into your ear, “Shall we give them a show?”

“Yes please.”

It’s all the encouragement he needs, both of his hands coming around your body to cup your tits through the material of your bra, squeezing gently as his teeth start nipping at the skin of your neck.

“Think we should show them how perfect your tits are?” He whispers, fingers dragging up to the straps to slip them off your shoulders, before he pulls the cups down, settling them under your tits to show them off.

Almost like he knows he’s showing you off, parading you in front of people, he brings his palms to the sides of your breasts, pushes them together as your nipples peak stiff in the cool air of the room.

“I think they like you, honey,” Joel’s voice is in your ear again, “Look how many people want to watch you.”

And he’s right, there are a few more bodies that have joined the small crowd that are watching you, as Joel’s hands cup the weight of your tits, his fingers rolling your nipples, drawing a gasp from your mouth as Joel’s hips rock into your back, hard cock digging into your skin, obviously just as affected by by people watching as you are.

“Joel,” You whine, “I need to you touch me.”

“I am touchin’ you, baby,” He chuckles, “You want my hands somewhere else?”

“Please.”

“Given them your tits, now you wanna show them your pussy?”

“Joel, please.”

His hand moves slowly down the bare skin of your tummy and over the lace of your panties, fingers hovering where he knows you’ll be wet, even you can feel the damp material sticking to you. He hooks one of his fingers into the side of your panties, running it over your slick folds a few times as your hands settle on his denim-clad thighs, fingers digging into them as he gently pulls your panties to the side, exposing your core to the people in front of you.

You can hear hums of approval, some people suck in their breath and it makes you preen. Yes, you think, fucking gasp at me, I'm a goddess and look at what this man does to me. Joel’s palm cups your pussy for a moment, his lips still working softly across your neck and shoulder, the roughness of his beard and the way his teeth nip at you sure to leave marks for days.

Then, he drags his palm up, using two of his fingers to spread the folds of your pussy, really showing you off to everyone in front of you. For the first time, you really look at the crowd, there’s not many, many seven or eight people, all stood with their eyes trained on the most intimate part of you, watching as your cunt glistens and flutters around nothing.

“You know what they’re thinking?” Joel asks, his other palm pulling your thighs apart even more, one finger dipping into your slick cunt, dragging the wetness up so he can circle your clit, “They’re thinking this is the prettiest pussy they’ve ever seen.”

He’s got one hand pressed to your belly, dragging you back against him, the other working those tight, precise circles over your clit. Normally, in the privacy of your own home, he’d take his time, but here, any ounce of patience he has is gone. He wants them to see you, wants to know the beauty he gets all to himself, the pussy he gets to do with as he pleases, and most of all, he wants them to know how he makes you cum, almost like he’s proving himself to these strangers. Look at me, look at the man I am, look how well I know this woman’s body and how quickly I can get her off.

It’s all an intoxicating cocktail that has you hurtling towards the finish line in no time. Your head is tipped back against his shoulder again, back arched and hips rocking in time to the movements of his hand, but your eyes are trained on the people in front of you, flitting from face to face as they watch the way your legs start to shake, the way you can clearly see from the front of their trousers how much this turns them on.

“You gonna show them how pretty you are when you come, baby?” Joel asks, hand abandoning your stomach in preference for wrapping around your throat, he doesn’t squeeze, just holds you there, anchors you to his body as his finger circles one, twice, three times more and throws you over the edge.

Fingers still gripping at his thighs, you cry out, moaning his name as his finger slows a little against you but never stops, “Yeah, that’s it baby,” Joel encourages, “Let it all out for them.”

When you open your eyes, coming down from the high, body warm with pleasure, shaking as Joel’s fingers sink inside you, not to get you off again, but to make sure you’re ready for him, a few more people have joined the crowd now, clearly hearing your cries of pleasure and wanting to know exactly what the fuss was about. Well, you’ve joined just in time, you think, as Joel manipulates you onto your back, leaning back a little to undo his jeans, but not bothering to stand enough to completely take them off, just pushing them down enough to free his cock.

Whilst he fists himself, hand at the base of his cock, you tilt your head towards the people watching you. You’re not stupid enough to imagine they’re all here for you, there are three women dotted in the crowd, and whilst you can never be sure, much like you aren't sure about the men either, you’d like to think some of them are here for Joel, admiring the broadness of him, the thickness of his cock, wondering, imagining they get the opportunity to feel him doing exactly what he does next, which is to sink his cock slowly into your aching cunt.

You’ve spread your legs as wide as you can manage, palms on the underside of your thighs to hold yourself open to Joel as one of his hands props him up next to your head, the other pushing the leg closest to the crowd down, so your aren’t covering what they’re here to see the most.

He drags his cock out of you, almost fully, before he slams his hips back into yours. Your tits bounce with the force, a surprised yelp leaving your mouth, but God it feels good. You’re looking at each other, Joel’s intense brown eyes looking down at your face, your mouth dropped open in pleasure as he sets the pace, drawing gasps and whines from you each time he pushes his cock back into you.

Letting go of your leg once he’s sure you’re in a position where everyone can watch the way his cock is stretching your cunt, he takes hold of your face in his hand, fingers pressing into the soft skin of your cheeks which makes your lips purse a little. He drags your face away from looking at his own, one cheek laying against the material of the couch, looking at the crowd, you catch one man run a palm over the bulge in his jeans whilst he looks you dead in the eye, but it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable, it makes you feel powerful.

You can feel Joel’s nose nuzzling at your other cheek, lips pressed to the sweaty skin, “Look at them, baby,” He demands, “All of them watching you get fucked, you like that?”

All you can manage with his hand on your face is a ‘Mmmhmm’.

“I know you like it,” He breathes, “Know how I can tell?” It’s rhetorical, of course it is, “You’re squeezin’ me so fucking tight, baby, and you’re drippin’, so turned on by all these people who wanna fuck you, huh?”

It’s another ‘mmmhmm’ that he gets in response, but your hips are moving up to meet his now, letting the tip of his cock brush so deep inside of you that you see stars.

“What do you think they want to see most?” He asks, breathless in your ear, “Do you think they want to see me fill you up?” But you shake your head in his hand, “No, you’re right baby,” He agrees, “I think they want to see me cover you, paint my cum all over you.”

You know he’s not going to last much longer. You know him, and you know his signs. The way he gets more vocal in your ear, groaning and panting, and the way his thrusts get heavier, sloppier. You know it, he knows it, and the gaggle of eyes on you mean you’re both hanging on for dear life, Joel trying to hold himself back, wanting just one more from you.

Snaking a hand between your body, you circle your own clit, slick and wet and sensitive from earlier as he finally lets go of your face, holds himself up on both him palms planted on either side of your head, hips slamming into yours, lewd smacking of skin and your combined breathless pants the only thing people can hear over the sounds of whatever other people are doing outside of here.

“That’s it baby,” He encourages lightly, “God, you’re fuckin’ perfect around me, make yourself come and then I’ll give you what you want.”

Like magic, you do, body arching up into his, legs hooking around his lower back as you come for him, moaning his name, looking at only him now as he sucks his bottom lip in between his teeth.

“Hold your legs open baby,” He asks, “Gonna give you what you want, okay?”

You’re boneless, palms pressing against your knees to keep you open as Joel slips his cock from your warmth, one hand furiously fisting at himself, the other keeping his body weight off you. You feel the first rope of warmth hit your stomach before he tosses his head back, calls your name out to the ceiling as he covers you in him. Pools of thick, white seed land across your skin as his hand milks every last drop from his cock, the two of you just watch each other for a moment, the only sounds you can hear are you own breath sucking into your lungs and the sounds of what other people are doing outside of your little oasis.

“You okay?” Joel asks softly, leaning forward to press his warm lips to your forehead.

“I’m good,” You smile, “Really good.”

“Yeah?” He asks, almost surprised as he sits back on his knees, tucking himself back into his jeans.

You run your fingernails over his lower belly, scratching gently as you look at him, “I really liked that.”

When you turn your head a little, the people who had been watching you are already gone, onto the next show, the curtain pulled together to give you both a little privacy. Joel stands, finds a box of tissues on the table next to the couch which he uses to clean you up.

“Did you like it?” You ask, as he readjusts the lace of your under, covering you up.

“Yeah, I did,” He smiles, face cupped in his hands to kiss you, “Liked that they could watch, see how perfect you are, but that you’re only mine.”

You snake your arms around his shoulders, kissing him again, “Can we do this again?” You ask, biting at your lip, almost shy to ask for it.

“Yeah baby,” He smiles, keeping you as close to him as he can as he reaches for his clothes, “You wanna come back here?”

You nod, letting Joel slip your coat back onto you, watching as he ties the knot tight, making sure no-one’s going to see you as you leave, as if some of them hadn’t just watch him rail you to within an inch of your life.

Joel presses a kiss to the tip of your nose as he takes your hand in his, “I’ll bring you back,” He promises, pulling the curtain out of the way so you can make your way on shaky legs out of the club, “But right now, I’m gonna take you home, and we’re going to get in the bath, okay?”

“Okay,” You nod, “Take me home, cowboy.”

[ohtobeleah]

Secret Sacrifices // Jake Seresin

Chapter Three: [The Grocery Affirmation]

Summary: When Sunday rolls around, Jake is chuffed to run into a ‘Damsel’ on his running route.

Warnings: Mentions of death, mentions of depression, anxiety, panic attacks. Mild romance. Angst/Whump.

Word Count: 3.3k

Author Note: EEPPPP I’m back queens!! The serotonin is doing the lords work. Really want to try and stick to a regular posting scene if I can get the routine in place. Been thinking about this one for a while now.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

There’s a saying that goes around hospitals that reads a little something like this. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. But there’s understandable doubt that the person who coined the saying ever went through a major surgery or trauma. 

Or maybe they didn’t mean physical pain. Perhaps they meant the other kind, the worst kind. Maybe they meant the kind of searing, seething, boiling pain that tells you you’re a failure as a mother and a fraud of a wife. 

Suffering is optional……That person didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about. It's all-consuming. The day-to-day struggle of living through hell all the while those who you loved unconditionally, were taken away in such horrific and volatile circumstances. The ever-burning pressure of survivor's guilt, the searing pain of grief, and the utter turmoil of failure all adds up. 

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Yeah right. Suffering isn't optional, it was forced upon you in a split-second that changed the course of your life as you knew it…..and wanted it to be. 

Your deep and meaningful with Bob sat heavily inside your chest. Could you trust him? Was it fair to burden him with such a huge secret? Did you put him in danger by letting him in? Would he tell anyone? But as you opened the boot of your car and sighed at the haphazardly thrown-in grocery bags, a small sense of normality took the space of the pressing questions inside your mind. 

The groceries were heavier than normal, either you were getting weaker or you had just decided to purchase more impulse buys than normal. The paper bag handles were surely going to cut off the circulation in your arms as you were adamant to one trip this. From the undercover carport, up the three flights of stairs, down the hall and to the right, that's where your hideaway was. You'd say home, but home is where the heart is. Your heart was ripped from your chest when you watched your son’s life drain from his eyes. Your heart was shattered into a million pieces when you watched helplessly as your husband bled out in your arms. 

So no, no this wasn't a home for you, but it would have to do. 

Unbeknownst to you, Jake Seresin was en route, enjoying a rather peaceful run. Golden tan skin covered with a thin shine of sweat. The perfect combination for any workout. At a pace that matched A Man To Make Me Sweat, Jake made his way down the footpath that ran the expanse of the side street he knew your apartment complex to be on. 

Was the particular route Jake decided to take this morning one intertwined with the hope he would run into you? That's a question for another time. But when you came into view? Jake smiled to himself knowing that the other route passed Bradley’s condo wouldn't have been as eventful. Nor would it have such a beautiful view. 

The sight of you wrestling with a million groceries and effortlessly trying to convince yourself that you were fine, was a sight Jake could watch all morning. His stride started to slow but his heart rate kept rising. The thought of you, the sight of you, the idea of you being his and only his. Jake had never been the kind to want to settle down. He’d never been the man who committed to one person or one relationship. He was a free-floating spirit that enjoyed the company of others. But when he first saw you, first spoke to you, heard that laugh of yours, saw that beautiful smile, listened to your hypnotic voice, he knew he was fucked from the get-go.

On approach, Jake slowed right down to a walk. His eyes never left your silhouette as he reached into his pocket for his phone. Deciding to pause his music rather than just turn it down. Jake could have stayed like this forever, he could have watched you all day. But when he watched as the bottom of one of the paper bags blew out, sending groceries of all kinds across the drive and pathway, he knew he had to make himself known. 

“You need a hand?” Jake had never seen you look so scared in the time he’d known you as you turned around with wide eyes and a look of intense panic plastered across your face. He swore the tone he’d used had been one laced with a lighthearted approach. “Woah, didn’t mean to scare you half to death Brewer.” Jake followed up as he approached with caution, holding his hands up by his head to show surrender and peace.

“Jesus, you scared the hell out of me Seresin,” The adrenal glands, also known as suprarenal glands, are small, triangular-shaped glands located on top of both kidneys. Adrenal glands produce hormones that help regulate your metabolism, immune system, blood pressure, response to stress and in this particular instance, respond to one Jake ‘Hangman’ Sererin scaring whatever soul you had left from your being. 

In your fright, you had let go of more of the grocery bags you had been trying to gather up. Groceries were strewn across the driveway and subsequent footpath. Cans of chickpeas and packets of beef jerky littered the concrete as you held your left hand over your heart to make sure it wasn’t about to leap out of your chest. 

“Fucking idiot, don’t scare people like that, you nearly gave me a heart attack.” 

Jake chuckled to himself as a grin stretched itself across his smug face. Only you could call him an idiot in a scathing rage of fear and his mind would wander to marriage and children and dying together after a long and happy life together. Only you could provoke those once thought unattainable desires. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you a coronary,” Jake replied softly as he reached down to collect a few of your lost items. “Just saw you struggling a little and thought I’d stop and help a damsel in distress.” 

“Jake, have I ever given off damsel in distress vibes to you before?” It wasn't the fact that you weren't a damsel. Hell if someone, if anyone had been around when you and your family were being hunted, you would have run into the arms of the nearest bystander. But it was the fact you couldn't get close to Jake. You knew his intentions, you knew his feelings towards you were something more than just platonic. And the worst part of it all was you knew your feelings were also more than something you could pretend didn't exist. Right person, wrong time. 

“Not exactly, no,” Jake replied as he handed you a rogue can of chickpeas. 

“So why on God's green earth do you constantly feel the need to play my saving grace?” The proximity in which you and Jake stood was something bordering a breach of personal space. He stood so close that you could see the small beads of sweat dripping down his chest. Slowing as they caught on the fine chest hairs that littered the expanse of his tanned and muscular self. “And clearly you need more shirts if you feel like running around the neighbourhood topless is appropriate.” 

Jake chuckled at the unimpressed nature of his attire, but he knew deep down, deep deep down, you were looking. 

“One, I have plenty of shirts, and two, any excuse to talk to you is a good enough excuse for me, Brewer.” The very thought of Jake going about his day finding any excuse under the sun to talk to you nearly had you forgetting how to breathe. But it was a fleeting thought, you couldn’t go there. He didn't even know your real name. He wasn't your dead husband. Maybe all these mixed feelings were purely birthed from a desire to not feel so alone. 

As you took the can of chickpeas from Jake's hand, you shut him down with a kind-natured jab. “Flattery will get you nowhere.”

“Don't I know it.” Jake replied with a wink and a smile that could light up the entire night's sky on its darkest of nights before bending over to collect more rouge groceries. Your eyebrow raised in question and concern. What the hell was he doing? 

“What are you doing?” The question was out before you knew what you were saying. It was probably pretty self-explanatory. But your brain wasn't computing Jake's actions. 

“What does it look like I'm doing?” Jake answered with a chuckle. “I'm helping you with your groceries.” You stood there in silence as you watched Jake collect the groceries, wondering what you did to deserve such kindness. 

“I said I didn't need help.” You reminded Jake of the conversation you just had. It had seemed to slip his mind. In one ear and out the other. Attention deficit disorder. 

“No,” Jake stood tall, still sweating from his run. Glistening in the mid-morning sun. “You said you weren't a damsel, that didn’t imply I wasn't a gentleman raised by a woman who’d kick my ass if I didn't stay to help you.” 

“You’re a gentleman?” You had never known another version of Jake Seresin than what he had shown you. To everyone else, he was an arrogant, self-obsessed, egomaniacal who didn’t play well with other aviators who cared more about his abs than he did his friends. He was Hangman. 

But to you? He was simply Jake. Bagman. 

“Only for you.” Jake pressed his lips together in a fine line as he smiled. Your eyes caught Jakes in the morning light, golden and warm as dew drops disappeared from blades of grass and birds sang. The way he looked at you, the way Jake paid way too much attention, the way his eyes trailed down from your eyes to your lips as your fingers touched his. You saw him leaning in, you saw the distance getting smaller and smaller. For a split second, for a small fragment of time, you weren’t going to stop him. 

The silence that lingered wasn’t awkward, but it was intense. The unintentional sexual tension got the better of you as you stepped back and let out a rather large sigh. You had to break the moment, you couldn’t let Jake kiss you. If he kissed you now, you wouldn’t be able to keep a friendly distance. It broke the enchantment as Jake cleared his throat and stepped away. 

“Thanks–” 

“Anytime.” Jake, forever the gentleman, continued to help you collect your groceries and followed you back to your apartment in passive silence. Neither awkward or volatile. It was just peaceful, enjoying the company of one another. 

“You know when I asked what we were doing today I didn’t have unpacking groceries in mind.” Jake teased as he looked around your home, still holding as many broken bags of groceries as he could. “Nice place you’ve got here Brewer.” Jake, for as many times as he’d gotten to the front door of your humble abode, from all the times he’d taken you home or picked you up, he’d never crossed the threshold until this very moment. 

“I told you that I was doing a Sunday reset.” You raised your brow at him as you placed some bags down on the kitchen island, letting out a dramatic sigh. “I didn’t finish till early this morning, Bob actually stayed back and helped me get the last of the stragglers out.” You explained as Jake looked around your home from where he stood across from you at the kitchen bench. 

“Do you uh–” Jake asked softly as he caught the sight of a single photograph hanging by the hallway. A little boy sitting on your lap, dark hair, darkish skin, deep brown eyes, smiling ear to ear. It looked like you were tickling his side to get the very reaction captured in the image. “Need any help today?” Who was that little boy? Did you have a son? A nephew? 

You could tell by Jake's tone that he had seen something he wasn't technically supposed to see, but you weren't sure what it had been. 

“I should be good, not that I don’t enjoy your company, it's just I need some alone time,” You saw the questions swirling in Jake's eyes, but before he could ask any of them you followed up. “You know, because I spend so much of my time at the Hard Deck if I don’t take this time to focus on me, I can’t focus on you guys.” 

“Right, well I best be getting back to it then.” Jake pressed his lips together as he thought about what his next move was going to be. He had one of two options here. The first being he could walk away right this second without embarrassing himself. He could say goodbye and try to forget about to picture he’d seen of you with the small smiling child. The second and probably the most erratic choice was to lean in and kiss the lips that Jake had thought about late at night and first daylight for the last few months. He could hold your cheeks between his palms and rub the heat across your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. He could feel your tongue dance with his in the moment where time would stand completely still–allowing Jake to feel for once in his life, fulfilled. 

“Yeah–” You replied as you moved a little closer to where Jake stood, moving to usher him back to the front door. “I’m sorry that my attempt to one trip it from the car interrupted–- “ What you weren’t expecting in the middle of your apology was to feel Jake’s lips on yours. The feeling took your breath away. For a fleeting moment, you gave into temptation and closed your eyes. You melted into the physical sensation of another human’s lips on yours. You craved this feeling, one of complete silence in the echoing caves of grief. You allowed yourself to feel the tender touch of Jake’s gentle lips melting with yours as you deepened the kiss. Moving along as Jake pressed your back into the cupboard behind you. His hand fell to your waist as you cupped at his cheeks. Desperately trying to feel every inch of Jake that you could before your mind was to overthrow your heart’s deepest desire for love and admiration. 

“Brewer–” Jake sighed into your mouth as his tongue danced with yours. His hands squeezed at your hips, adoring every curve. Jake could stay in this moment forever if you let him. But as you began to trail your hands down the expanse of Jake’s exposed torso, your brain broke from its restraints with a rude awakening. 

“This is what you get for being a noise fucking bitch!” 

The flash was blinding as the image of the smallest man who ever lived yelled out as he was being placed in the back of the police car. The man who killed your family. 

“Stop!” You gasped as you pushed at Jake’s chest. The look of uncertainty immediately plastered itself across his flushed face. His heartbrokenly beautifully forbidden face. 

“You alright?” Jake questioned with concern as his wide eyes scanned your face for signs of anything wrong. “Did I do something?” He was worried he’d crossed the line, you’d told him so many times you weren't interested. That he was reading into whatever this was, wrong. But he never really listened. He thought the chase was a part of whatever the two of you were becoming. 

“No,” You reassured Jake as you tried to contain the panic rising in your chest. “No it's not that you did anything,” You tried to explain as Jake's eyes softened. “It’s just, I’m–I’m not ready for this.” 

“Is there even a ‘this?” Jake asked as he stepped forward once again. Pushing the boundaries almost immediately. “Just spell it out to me simply, yes or no Brewer.” 

The silence as Jake tucked some of your hair behind your ear was deafening and all-consuming. Your eyes never left his as you tried to find the right answer. The moral answer. The safest and clearly the right choice. No, the answer was no. Nothing was going on between you, you weren't ready for whatever came next. You weren't ready to move on. You weren't ready to expose someone, let alone Jake, to what could possibly be death for just the idea of knowing you. It was a hard no with a capital N and a full stop. One word. Just one. 

“Yes–” *Fuck* “But I just need time, I'm not ready for–” You were trying so hard to find the right words as small tears welled in your water line. “I need to sort a few things out before I can do this, if you don't mind just going real slow, like slower than this?” 

You saw the cogs turning in Jake's mind as a smile ear to ear took over his face. 

“I'll do whatever you want me to, just say the words.” Knowing that you really just wanted the day to yourself, Jake tried his best to effortlessly and as seamlessly as possible, tiptoe his way back to the first choice he had. “I uh–I hope you have a good reset.” 

You could tell Jake really wanted to stay, you could tell he was hanging out for you to change your mind. But you weren't about to, if anything you needed Jake out of your home before he saw anything else he wasn't supposed to see or do anything else you knew you weren't supposed to be doing. No matter how good it felt. 

“I hope the run doesn’t involve any more damsels,” You chuckled softly as you nudged Jake with your shoulder. “Guess you finally did earn the nickname ‘Bagman’ after all,” You chuckled again as Jake did too, nodding along in agreement. “Thanks again for helping me with my groceries, Seresin, I really appreciate it.” 

“Anytime–” Jake cooed as he smiled, heading back towards the front door with you. “See you for beer o’clock tomorrow?” 

“Oh, I'll be there.” You replied as you held the front door open for Jake. watching as he headed on down the hall and out of site. As soon as Jake was gone you shut the door tight, making sure it was locked but the three separate safety measures you had in place, before turning and sliding your back down the door until you hit the ground. “Oh my–” 

You couldn’t stop yourself from panicking as you curled your knees tight into your chest. Jake seresin, in your fucking house. KISSING YOU. What the fuck were you doing? You couldn't let your feelings get the better of you. You had a son to avenge, a husband to get justice for. It was bad enough that you'd slipped up and let Bob in on your situation, but you were clearly allowing Jake to get too close. 

As you tried to calm yourself down from the panic, your phone rang softly in the distance. Back up on the kitchen bench, your phone displayed a name you never liked hearing from. It was mandatory though, the check-ins, the updates, the constant “We’re making progress but can't tell you anything more than that.” 

As you peeled yourself from the floor you saw the name. The dreaded contact that made your heart drop every single time. With every call the memories that haunted you grew more and more real. The veil between reality and memory blurs to the point you aren’t sure what’s real and what’s the past. It all hurts the same though, internal suffering. The name that kept bringing it all back, time and time again. Year after year. Never allowing old wounds to heal. 

Roger. 

Suffering is optional……That person didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Tags: 🏷️ @a-reader-and-a-writer @xoxabs88xox @hiireadstuff @buckysteveloki-me @athenabarnes @els-marvelvsp @blindedbythelightt @tayl0rhuynh @na-ta-sh-aa @kmc1989 @sunlightmurdock @jaxfart @lauenderhaze @sugarcoated-lame @maisie-rebloging-blog @captainmoonknight @seitmai @shanimallina87 @kajjaka @imnotcreativeenoughforthisblog @imladrisofabookdragon @buckysteveloki-me @mrsevans90 @allepaula @els-marvelvsp @djs8891 @paperbag33 @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @86laura11

[wings-of-ink]

Hello my friends! Just checking in!

Chapter 4 is progressing well. I just realized that it is…a bit over 20k words, making me question where all these words are even coming from (this also explains why my fingers are smoking). The section I have been working on is pretty linear aside from a couple decisions which split your path slightly. Because of this, I am trying to add as much flavor-text as I can slip in (as long as it feels natural). There is another split coming up as well that has more significant consequences, so that will be exciting! I'm currently debating about either dividing this chapter into parts or splitting it into two chapters entirely. I keep feeling like it's going to be too long - but I haven't edited yet, so it may still get trimmed down. I might just have a lot to say in this section since it was one of the very first scenes I envisioned while planning last year.

So, at this moment I am taking a little break from writing and using the time to think about something else. I will drop a poll later about ideas for future IFs that I have been chewing on. I may be able to get your Asks taken care of tomorrow as well. I think I'll also kick back and do some reading this weekend to recharge my batteries. ^_^

If anyone has found some new IFs floating around, let me know (even though I still have a list of updates to read, I can always add new ones to the list)!

Some teasers from chapter 4 to tickle you...

[maboroshi-no]

Hamefura LN14 Chapter 1 Part 2 Summary

I am currently reading Hamefura LN14 and will post summaries after each chapter.

On second thought, there will be 3 parts for Chapter 1 because I couldn't help going into details in some scenes.

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1: The Encounter at the Party: Part 1

Chapter 1: The Encounter at the Party (Part 2)

Keith will make another round of greetings since the queue of people waiting to greet the royals has decreased. He asks Katarina what she will do.

Katarina would like to continue enjoying food, but she knows that greetings are important. While she is hesitating, Keith insists that she is forbidden from overeating even if she stays behind. Katarina is amazed that Keith can guess what she is thinking. Keith also adds that he can't have her go out alone in this big crowd. He leaves her with two choices: either she stays here, or she goes with him to greet people. 

Mom Mary and Prince Mary

---

Mary: In that case, will you wait here and talk with us? (To Keith) I will watch her so she won't overeat.

She said the second part like she was telling Keith, "I will look after your child". It was like I would switch guardians. I was an adult woman, though. 

Keith: In that case, I'm leaving her to you, Mary.

Mon Keith told Mom Mary this like he was telling her "I guess I'll leave her to you then".

Nicol: Mary, your child seems to be asking for help.

Nicol murmured this.

Huh? Mary's child? When I looked in the direction of Nicol's gaze, there was the youngest prince of Sorcier, Alan.

The royals had split up a bit after the greetings had calmed down. Alan was looking even more tired than earlier, and on top of this, he seemed to be surrounded by aggressive ladies approaching him. There was "Help me, Mary!" written on his face.

Mary looked in his direction. Being a lady, she made an extremely displeased face. So displeased that I could imagine her clicking her tongue if she hadn't been a lady.

Even so, Mary was good at taking care of people and she couldn't leave alone the underling… or rather the child… no, the fiancé she had been looking after for years, so she let out a big sigh.

She said, "I will leave for a while" and gallantly set out to rescue her child Alan.

When he saw Mary, Alan made an expression that said "I'm saved!". Mary stood to protect Alan from the noble ladies and started driving them off.

If it had been a romance novel, this would have been "a prince saving a princess" scene. Of course, the prince would have been Mary and Alan, the princess.

Based on looks alone, Alan was a charming prince and Mary was as pretty as a princess, but in this world, things didn't go like in novels.

-----------------

Towards the Other Princes

Katarina turns her gaze away from Alan and Mary and looks towards the other princes. They are also approached by ladies.

Jeffrey handles the ladies skillfully as he seems used to it.

Ian is distant and rejects the ladies' invitations with a stern face.

Geordo skillfully handles the ladies, like Jeffrey. But there seems to be something wrong with him today.

Katarina wonders why there are so many ladies approaching the princes today. Keith thinks it is because there are many foreigners at the party. Katarina doesn't understand how it is related. Keith explains that many foreigners ignore that the princes are engaged. And depending on the country, they may consider it fine to freely change fiancés. Keith's explanation makes sense to Katarina. 

Keith Gets Angry at Katarina

---

Keith: Things are different and complicated in many ways since there are many foreigners, so please be extra careful. Anyway, will you go around greeting people with me or wait here with Lord Nicol and the others?

Keith asked me this again.

Katarina: Hmm~ In that case, I will… 

T/N: It wasn't explicitly written but Katarina supposedly says here that she will go see Geordo.

Keith: Just when I thought he wouldn't come our way since he is busy, why are you saying you will go see him yourself…?

Keith inadvertently muttered this.

Katarina: What?

I asked him in response.

Keith: No, nothing… I just thought it would be fine if you didn't go since we were told we didn't need to greet the royals today.

Keith said this with a little dissatisfied face.

Katarina: I know that, but Prince Geordo's expression bothers me a little.

That's right. When I saw Geordo earlier, his expression bothered me.

It would be fine if it appeared he wasn't sick. It was just that Geordo was the type of person who endured things even if he was sick.

Keith: Wasn't he skillfully engaging with people with a smile not so different from usual?

Katarina: Huh? No, he was not. Keith, you're also his childhood friend, so you could tell, right?

After all, Keith had also been with Geordo for nearly 10 years. But Keith fell silent and fixedly stared at me.

Katarina: Eh, what?

When I stared back at him, Keith made for some reason a sulking face, extended his hand towards my cheek, and… pulled its side.

Katarina: Gné? What?!

When I let out a confused voice because of the sudden situation, Keith said…

Keith: It's because you pissed me off so much.

He said this and quickly removed his hand from my cheek.

It didn't hurt at all since he didn't put much strength into it, but I was just surprised

So he pinched me because he was pissed off? And he did with a tiny bit of strength? What was that?

After that, he indeed escorted me, but his eyes wouldn't look my way. I seemed to have completely wrecked his mood.

Keith was always eagerly looking after me and somewhat acted like my mom, so seeing him pouting like that was extremely unusual.

I remembered how adorable Keith was when he just arrived in the Claes family.

He was cute and small like a girl and his cheeks were also squishy. While his soft flaxen hair was now so high up, back then it was below my eyes and could I stroke it as much as I liked.

After thinking about it, now I incredibly wanted to touch his soft hair again. I extended my hand and touched them for the first time in a while.

When I did, his blue eyes opened wide and fixedly looked at me, so…

Katarina: Your pouting was so cute that I unconsciously stroked it like in the olden days.

When I said this while sticking my tongue out, his face became bright red at once.

This was bad, I made him even more furious! Or so I thought, but Keith…

Keith: This oblivious charming…little devil.

Because he just muttered something and didn't pinch my cheek again, I felt relieved.

Then, when we arrived near Geordo and the others,

Keith: Listen, don't do anything like what you did to me earlier to Prince Geordo, understood?

…he told me with a stern face.

Katarina: Huh? What, touching his head?

Keith: …Yes, this.

Katarina: Oh, right. It would indeed be improper to touch the head of a prince in front of many people.

Keith: ……That's right. So don't do it, okay?

Katarina: Okay!

After I gave him a firm reply, Keith sent me off.

----

Alan Can't Handle Mary's Lessons

Katarina heads towards the princes, but on the way, she encounters Alan and Mary.

---

Katarina: Prince Alan, isn't it great that she could safely save you?

Alan: Yes, she saved me with splendid skills.

…he replied.

If it had been the child Alan, he would have probably said, "She didn't save me!" but Alan was very honest now that he had been completely tamed by Mary.

But his savior "Prince Mary" looked a little angry.

Mary: Whenever you face these kinds of ladies, you always are so useless if I don't come in. Please endeavor yourself so you can somehow handle them by yourself.

Alan: …! I know that, but I won't be able to nail it right away! 

Mary: In that case, shall we have a ladies' countermeasures lesson again?

Alan: Urgh! Please spare me from that already!

Alan's face twitched.

Katarina: A ladies' countermeasures lesson?

When I asked out of curiosity, Mary answered this.

Mary: Since Prince Alan can hardly dodge the noble ladies approaching him, it is a lesson I thought of to teach him how to do so. It would be great if he could at least apply what I taught him to dodge me when I play a noble lady approaching him, but he can't even do that well.

After Mary angrily said this, Alan shifted his eyes.

Katarina: This sounds like a very useful lesson! Shouldn't you make him take more of it?

When I said this, Alan whispered this to me so Mary wouldn't hear it.

Alan: Hey, don't underestimate Mary's acting skills. Seriously, she completely turns into an aggressive lady approaching me. The real deal. 

Katarina: Well, that's Mary after all.

Mary, the perfect lady widely known as the Model Noble Lady and the Belle of High Society. She even had great acting skills.

Katarina: Is it so bad? If she's like the real thing, doesn't that make it a good countermeasure?

After I had said this, Alan opened his eyes wide, turned my face towards Mary, and whispered this to me again.

Alan: Look closely at Mary. With those looks of hers, she seriously approaches me as an aggressive noble lady would. It's not the same force as the noble ladies around here.

After he had said this, I looked at Mary again.

The unequaled beauty who was reputed even in high society. Her prominent parts were prominent and her slender parts were slender, she had such splendid proportions. When I imagined such a beauty seriously approaching me, even I, a woman, felt a little apprehensive about it.

Katarina: …I'm sorry, Prince Alan. It might be an ordeal for me too.

When I whispered this back to Alan, Alan's face lit up, and…

Alan: Right? Right? I knew you would understand.

…he said in a low voice, expressing his joy.

------------

Katarina Tries to Convince Mary to Reconsider her Lessons

Katarina figures she should talk to Mary for Alan's sake.

Katarina tells Mary her lessons might be too strict for Alan.

Mary gives it a little thought but still thinks Alan needs to stop relying on her or he will be troubled in the long run.

Katarina agrees with Mary but she must still convince her to stop her practical lessons for Alan's sake. She hopes she can convince her without telling her the truth.

Katarina suggests to Mary that she leaves practice aside for the time being and teaches Alan using books instead. But Mary doesn't agree: Alan needs to learn fast since ladies are currently approaching him, and it will be faster through practice.

Katarina feels like she won't be able to convince Mary without telling her the truth after all.

Katarina tells Mary that her overflowing charm makes Alan nervous when she seriously approaches him. Alan is flustered now that she went and said it, but she had no choice.

Mary is shocked. She didn't expect Alan to feel nervous with her now after they had been engaged as children.

Katarina feels like Mary never expected it because she probably considered Alan like a pet she had cared for ever since he was little.

But for Katrina and Alan, fellow members of the Zero Romantic Experience Team, being approached by an attractive person seriously was a lot to handle.

Katarina: It is true, but you are so attractive that it cancels that out. Your charm is so powerful that even I, a fellow woman, could get dizzy if you seriously approached me.

Mary blinks her eyes. She asks Katarina to confirm what she has just said. If she seriously approached her, she would make her dizzy?

Katarina confirms it. With her charm, Mary could make any girl dizzy.

Mary is processing what she has heard.

Katarina adds that for this reason, Mary can't be Alan's partner for his practical lesson. Katarina offers to replace her if needed. There shouldn't be any problem with her since she isn't as charming as Mary.

Alan and Mary both refuse in unison.

Alan flusteredly explains to Katarina that with her, it would be even harder for him. 

Mary tells Katarina they won't take her time since she is so busy. She also adds that Katarina has plenty of charm herself.

Katarina feels like Alan and Mary teamed up to refuse her offer. It appears they won't ask her to help with the lessons.

Mary tells Katarina she will start by having her niece approach Alan. Alan says she really shouldn't.

Katarina leaves Mary and Alan.

On the Way to See Geordo

Katarina is on her way to see Geordo.

Katarina sees Ian with Selena. Ian tells the women approaching him that he is only interested in his fiancée Selena and that he has no intention to talk to them. Selena blushes after hearing Ian's words. Katarina is glad to see the two of them are still as lovey-dovey as ever.

Katarina sees Jeffrey. He is skillfully entertaining the women approaching him. Katarina wonders where Susanna is. When she looks around, she sees her talking with an old scholar person. Given her sparkling eyes, she is most likely talking about magic. She really appears to have no interest in her fiancé. But Jeffrey doesn't seem to have any intention of compelling her to do anything. The two of them are the same as always.

Katarina Sees Geordo

Katarina has arrived at Geordo's location.

Just like Jeffrey, Geordo is skillfully entertaining the women approaching him. Looking at him, Katarina realizes that Geordo and Jeffrey are similar inside, while Alan and Ian are similar inside (even if Alan is bad at dealing with women). 

Katarina goes toward Geordo. Geordo immediately notices her, quickly dodges the ladies approaching him, and comes to her.

Geordo welcomes Katarina with a sweet smile. She feels a little nervous. His sweet smile reminds her of the adult kiss he gave her. It affected her so much she couldn't look at him for a while.

Geordo smoothly escorts her, then turns to the ladies and tells them that he will stop talking with them now that his fiancée has arrived. While smiling, he gives off an aura that won't allow any objection.

Most of the ladies silently accept it, but some strong-willed ones won't step back. One of them tells Geordo that he shouldn't care about his political fiancée. In her country, there is no political marriage and everyone marries their true love.

Katarina thinks to herself that the lady's country sounds like the setting of an otome game. She wonders if an otome game is unfolding there.

Geordo (large smile): Is that so? While there may be some political engagements, I sincerely love Katarina here from the bottom of my heart, so there is no problem.

Hearing this, all the ladies freeze in shock. Katarina can understand their reaction since a charming prince has just told them that he loves her, a villainous-faced woman who doesn't excel in anything.

After thinking about this, Katarina feels her face turning hot. She needs to think about something else. She decides to recall the time her mother saw her entering the manor covered in dirt after working the fields. It works, the heat on her face decreases.

Geordo says goodbye to the ladies and quickly escorts Katarina away before anyone chases them.

Geordo and Katarina Talk in the Resting Room

Geordo and Katarina arrive at the resting room.  

Geordo turns towards Katarina and asks her with a serious face what she talked about with Cezar earlier.

Katarina is surprised that Geordo saw Cezar and her talk at the buffet since they were at some distance and Geordo was busy greeting people. Katarina realizes that it was not her imagination when she felt earlier that she made eye contact with Geordo.

Geordo gets impatient. His eyes look anxious.

Katarina tells Geordo that Cezar only asked her about her health, then left to call Keith for her.

Hearing this, Geordo feels relieved. He mutters to himself that he thought Cezar had approached her again. Katarina doesn't think Cezar would approach her but doesn't say anything since Geordo's expression has softened.

Katarina asks Geordo if it was because it felt bothered that he seemed different from usual. Geordo is surprised that Katarina found him different from usual. Katarina explains that he looked tired or sick. Geordo is very surprised: he thought he could act like usual. Katarina reassures him, most people didn't notice and she only could because she had known him for a long time. Their childhood friends probably also noticed.

Katarina has known Geordo for 10 years. Even if Geordo is harder to figure out and better at hiding his bad physical condition compared to when he was a child, she can at least naturally tell when he is pushing himself behind his smiling mask.

Geordo tells Katarina that he thinks she is the only one who can tell. Katarina is about to deny it, but Geordo puts his index finger in front of her lips.

Geordo: Yes, it is. When I am weakened, you always tell me the words I need and come to my side. It is because you are here that I can do my best. That's why I want you to stay by my side forever, Katarina.

Geordo smiles. Katarina is unconsciously fascinated by his face. She has known him for 10 years but she realizes again how handsome his face is.

Then Katarina sees the shape of his lips and it reminds her of the adult kiss. Her face turns hot. Geordo extends his hand to her cheek. His hand is firm, big, and warm…so warm…too warm…? Wait, it's hot!

Geordo Is Sick

Geordo is moving his face close but Katarina quickly puts her hand on his forehead. It is hot. She flusteredly tells Geordo he has a fever. Geordo moves a little away from Katarina and makes a pouting face.

Geordo: I am fine…

Katarina: No, this fever is not "fine" at all! You've been like this during the greetings, haven't you? You knew it and you still pushed yourself!

Geordo: I felt sick a little ago but I've been like this since I woke up in the morning. But if it's only this much, people won't notice and I can manage, so there's no problem.

Katarina is glad that Geordo has recognized that he isn't well, but he stubbornly insists that there's no problem.

Katarina: There's a problem.

Geordo: I won't cause trouble, so it's fine.

Katarina is annoyed by Geordo's stubbornness.

Katarina: No, it's not.

Geordo: I can properly do my work.

Katarina: Geez, it's not about work! You're pushing yourself while you're in such poor shape and that's why I can't help worrying about you!

Geordo: …

Geordo seems to finally understand. Katarina makes Geordo sit on the sofa. She asks him to wait here while she calls someone, and leaves the room.

Katarina Tells Jeffrey About Geordo

Katarina wonders who she should go to regarding Geordo's issue. At that moment, she sees Jeffrey coming from the opposite side of the corridor. Katarina thinks he is the perfect person in this situation and calls out to him.

Katarina explains to Jeffrey that Geordo is sick. Jeffrey is sad that he didn't notice it despite worrying about him working so hard lately. Katarina replies that it couldn't be helped since Geordo is good at hiding his bad physical condition. Hearing this, Jeffrey is first blank, then makes a wide smile. He agrees, but he thinks Geordo will be fine since he has someone who notices it when he isn't well.  

Katarina decides she will scold Geordo more next time since he makes his family sad.

Katarina remembers that Jeffrey said that Geordo had been working hard lately. She asks him about it. Jeffrey explains that Geordo has been busy investigating the backgrounds and circumstances of the persons involved in Maria's incidents. Jeffrey has also been investigating them but since he had many other things to do, he had been relying on Geordo, probably too much. In retrospection, he will ask Geordo not to push himself so hard again.

From what Jeffrey said, Katarina realizes Geordo has been investigating Maria's incident all while taking care of his official business, and he even visited her the other day. It is no wonder Geordo collapsed.

Jeffrey tells Katarina he will make Geordo leave the party and rest. Katarina thinks this should be fine.

Jeffrey sends some directives to the servant waiting on him, then tells Katarina they only need to persuade Geordo to rest. He adds with a smile that he's leaving this job to her.

Katarina and Jeffrey Try to Persuade Geordo to Rest

Jeffrey and Katarina enter the resting room.

Seeing them, Geordo is surprised and stands from his chair. Jeffrey tells Geordo he has heard the situation from Katarina and asks him not to push himself so hard. He can rely on his dependable brothers at any time.

Geordo sulks and tells him he isn't so sick.

Katarina walks to Geordo and puts his hand on his forehead. It is still hot.

Katarina: It is still hot. It isn't "fine" at all. You will stop with this tough act.

Katarina puts her hand on Geordo's head.

Katarina: Prince Geordo, your job is now to rest. I won't accept any objection. You must stop being unreasonable and rest properly.

Katarina lightly taps Geordo's head. Since Geordo is putting on a tantrum, Katarina tries to scold him like an older sister.

Geordo: …"unreasonable", that's just…

Geordo is looking like a pouting child.

Jeffrey: That's right. You will stop being unreasonable. Be a good boy and rest.

Jeffrey grabs Geordo by the shoulders and starts dragging him to his room. Before leaving, he tells Katarina to return to the party with his servant. He will return once he has put Geordo to bed.

While Jeffrey is dragging him, Geordo lets out a faint "Thank you very much" towards Katarina. She couldn't see Geordo's face since he was facing downward, but she feels relieved that Geordo doesn't resent her for meddling too much. She tells him "Please rest well and return healthy!"

Katarina Tells Keith About Geordo

Katarina returns to the venue with the servant. As soon as she returns, Keith calls her out.

Keith has been worried since she didn't seem to return. He has been waiting for her near the entrance.

Keith asks her how Geordo is doing. Katarina tells him Geordo is sick and has returned to his room. Keith is surprised that Katarina was right. Katarina tells him that Geordo just keeps pushing himself hard, he's impossible. She has scolded him already but she will scold him some more next time.

Hearing this, Keith starts laughing. Katarina is surprised. Keith explains that Katarina is probably the only one who can be like this with Geordo. He adds that when he imagines Katarina scolding Geordo, it just looks so funny.

Keith starts laughing again.

Katarina tells him that Geordo wasn't dejected, he just listened with a pouting face.

Keith laughs even more. Katarina wonders if it is that funny.

[its-cartooncrazy]

Okay i finished my dunmeshi reread where I was trying to predict which chapters will go into which episodes for season 2 (assuming 24 episodes)

I made some questionable splits towards the end tbh but I ended up with 24 without pushing too hard so. I guess I'll write down my thoughts here mostly so when season 2 comes I can compare them

So I'm gonna add my screenshots from my notes page so I'll explain that the yellow numbers was me guessing from chapter titles and my poor memory, and the pink is from my reread and focusing on content.

I started by looking at season 1 and how they split stuff up. Every episode was two chapters, save for a few that either didn't need full episodes, or were a lot of action which takes up more space in comics. (I don't know where exactly the dragon chapters split, but the 7 dragon chapters + good medicine were 3 episodes, so that makes 2 episodes of 3 chapters there.) They also preferred to keep 2 part chapters in one episode, but also didn't shy away from doing it either.

Theres only enough chapters left for 22.5 episodes at a rate of 2 chapters per episode, so we actually never have to group three chapters into a single episode again!

That being said...

On Floor One features would be a banger season opener. It features a couple of fight scenes, so it shouldn't be too long. I wouldn't want to split it into two episodes anyway because for a season opener, I wouldn't want to be away from the main cast for too long.

(It also, oddly enough, cuts back to our cast and gives them little name badges, which is a joke about the changelings, but also its very fitting to reintroduce our characters in their first appearance in season 2)

Bicorn / Stewed Head go together very easily, as do Succubus 1 + 2

Jumping ahead a little, roasted walking mushroom and 6 days would fit together nicely, especially with the Winged Lion taking place during the Succubus chapters, but. I don't wanna squeeze that in with them...

I think if trigger do their thing, 6 days could be an episode all on its own (and it could be one of the best episodes, too) And hey, if they need more content then there's a couple of monster tidbits extras that take place here that they could add!

Confit was the problem child. I wanted Rabbit and Curry to get their own episodes, but I also wanted 6 days to stay alone, which left confit alone. It features a fair bit of important stuff: reaching thistles house, cleaning up, finding the book (and opening it I think), and eating the phoenix, so I wouldn't feel right cramming it with something else.

So I ignored it for the time being, to see if Rabbit and Curry could be split in half.

Confit would lead well into rabbit 1, with them arriving at the house and having a meal, and then rabbit 1 takes place shortly after the meal. Rabbit 1 ends with laios getting got by a rabbit. That seems like a pretty fun cliffhanger to be honest. Rabbit 2 ends with them comforting marcille, and then curry 1 cuts away to several scenes viewed through the eyes of the mage, ending with them showing up at the house. And then...

Grouping curry 2 and thistle 1 together is kinda evil actually. Sibling flashback scene, that fight, and then thistle backstory?? Yikes. I love it actually. So yeah I'll go with that.

Thistle 2 and 3 feature the dragon fight (placing the teaser at a predicted episode 9) and then thistle 4 and 5 include the chat with laios, the lion eating thistles desires, and then the wrap up meal. I'm pretty satisfied with that if a little disappointed we don't end an episode with laios in the plant

Bavarois and whatchamacallit are both the canaries' interrogation so thats easy, ending with a cliffhanger of sorts where the lion is fully released by marcille.

Lord of the Dungeon 1 and 2 are both pretty full chapters. It continues the fight with the canaries, which unfortunately features a lot of talking still, and then the aftermath with our group waking up to a room of unconscious canaries and spider guts like that one community gif.

Dungeon 1 is actually a shorter chapter. Putting these two together would possibly make for a kinda sparse episode. So, we have a full episode and an empty episode. Can we borrow a scene from lord of the dungeon to even it out? No! Because almost all of Lord of the Dungeon 2 is kabrus epic fumble, which isn't a scene that can be cut up neatly. Let's set those aside for a bit and see if the solution comes from the next few.

We have three single chapters before our next grouping, which doesn't split nicely into 2s like I want it to. Unfortunately, none of these are particularly short, and we're past the point in the series where we can skimp on the details. Parasites starts with a shortish scene with marcille and frozen falin, so I wondered about giving that to dungeon, if I could group the three together with slightly less content, but I think there's still probably too much content to get through with those three chapters even without that scene. (Not to mention, I don't think season one ever split any part of a chapter between episodes, so I'm reluctant)

Honestly, I thought for a long time about how to arrange these chapters and never came to a conclusion, so I just moved on for a bit, to see if answers were in the next section. (Spoiler alert: they were!)

Marcille 1 is kind of a misnomer (if I know what that word means) since it doesn't actually focus on marcille at all, and instead shows people around the world reacting to the dungeons opening. I don't feel as bad separating it from the rest of marcille in that case. (It's also a short chapter but local cuisine has a fair bit in it so I think that won't matter)

So to sum up the last section before we move fully into the marcilles, we have Lord of the Dungeon, Dungeon, Parasites/Food Chain and Local Cuisine/Marcille 1. Phew, that was a lot of effort just to end up splitting them into pairs of chapters. (Dungeon may still borrow from parasites, but that's up to them. Yknow, if they were still looking at how to split them up in this stage of production or whatever XD)

Marcille 4 ends with the group hug and, as sad as I am to not get a week to sit with that scene, it wouldn't work as well as an episode ending during the big finale battle segment, so pairing it with Winged Lion 1 (mostly chatting up on that tower, concluding with them getting gobbled up by the monster pile lion) works pretty well and gives a good cliffhanger.

Winged Lion 2 and 3 gives us Lion backstory, and then laios becoming dungeon master, ending with him plopping his head back on like its nothing. Lmao I can't wait to see what the outtro is for this episode.

Winged Lion 4 is short, actually, and with the action of Winged Lion 5, that episode might be a bit sparse. But, well. Iunno I figured it's fine? Look, I started to give up and make weird decisions around this point. Winged Lion 5 ends with everyone freezing and then laios picking up "laios".

Winged Lion 6 I gave its own episode. It doesn't have enough content for that, to be honest, but I gotta put some single chapter episodes in here somewhere and where better than laios eating laios and laios and laios and laios and then the winged Lions desire to eat desires. Idk I said I gave up, didn't I?

Starting here, I start to worry about momentum. How long can you keep people interested after the Big Bad has been defeated? Def-eat-ed lol

The Island I also gave its own episode, just 'cause, I guess. It features the action packed escape from the dungeon, everyone washing up safe and sound, and then searching for laios, ending with a nice hug. I didnt seem to take my own advice tbh, that ending doesn't really force you to keep watching. Hm.

Falin 1 and 2 gives us everyone pitching in to prepare to eat laios sister, and also mithrun 🥺, but much like the last episode, doesn't end on too captivating a note (although it is a very good scene, it just doesn't lead in to the next episode so much) so I guess I really didn't take my own advice much. I swear I took this into consideration while I was reading but I guess I gave up lol

Falin 3 is the izutsumi show, where she asks everyone what they're gonna do now (not cooking, I mean in life!!) and ive put this one by itself because there are plenty of scenes that could be expanded upon, and also izu deserves a whole episode to think about her character development because she is the best and I love her.

This also lets us group falin 4 and dungeon meshi for the season finale. Another reason I wanted falin 4 to go in this arrangement is that this is where laios becomes king, which really just screams "finale" for me. We also get falin waking up, and a sweet epilogue of laios' fantastic reign, plus him being good with kids <3

So uhhh. Yeah. That's how I would split up the chapters. Quick recap/summary to make it clear hopefully:

1: 53,54,55

2: 56,57

3: 58,59

4: 60,61

5: 62

6: 63,64

7: 65,66

8: 67,68

9: 69,70

10: 71,72

11: 73,74

12: 75,76

13: 77,78

14: 79,80

15: 81,82

16: 83,84

17: 85,86

18: 87,88

19: 89,90

20: 91

21: 92

22: 93,94

23: 95

24: 96,97

That was a lot of waffling to end up with mostly just two chapters per episode tbh. If you've made it all the way, I hope you don't consider your time wasted lol. Looking forward to seeing how trigger does it!

[johnslittlespoon]

okay listen feral bikerider gale/past catching up to him/etc etc etc anon here and can I just say. thank you. I’m not overly interested in the actual violence or gang-shit or whatever. when I first read about the bikerider au all I could think about was sons of anarchy (idk if you’ve watched it, but I watched three seasons with my dad and it’s all just. gang conflict after gang conflict after gang conflict with some romance sprinkled on top and that’s not. really my thing) and I was not into it. at all. then your yapping (affectionate) converted me. hearing that it won’t be all weapon smuggling and, idk, drugs or smth is actually so reassuring lol

and!!! obviously it’s your fic/au, I’m definitely not here to try to influence you in any way whatsoever!!! I’m super excited to read it no matter what because your writing is just. lovely. I check in pretty much every morning like I’m reading the papers lmao

doing something semi-stupid in your past feels like kind of on brand for everyone, even though it might not be illegal for most. and maybe it wasn’t illegal for Gale, either, bro I am not a very good writer, I’ll leave the plotting to someone else.

but I’ll always love the idea of Gale being a little feral. or a lot feral. like John getting hurt in a bikerider au tickles my brain the same way John punching a German guard in canon centric fics does. Nevermind the guard, I just need the fallout. the angsty fallout.

John and Gale coming back home, and Gale sitting him down in the bathroom to very, very carefully patch him up (and, listen, the other guys probably just roughed him up a little. he probably got away with minor bruises and some scrapes), and Gale being insanely worried that he has scared John. John on the other hand is worried for Gale, because what if it happens again? What if the police finds out? John being worried that he somehow messed up.

and, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t mind reading feral gale beating the shit out of people. It’s just not something I want to read a full fic of.

finally, because I just need to add this, too: Gale’s knuckles being split and bleeding and John so very carefully cleaning them up, pressing gentle kisses to the cuts when he has to scrape the dried blood up to get it properly clean. Gale not being sure what he did to deserve John, being so sweet and gentle and caring.

okay, over and out 🫡 sorry for not being that clear in the other ask, I blame. idk, sleep deprivation. and sorry for making this so long, idk what I’m on about half the time and my meds are doing shit to my brain. I love your blog and your writing just. makes my fucking days. I’d wait forever for the next chapter of dog coded Bucky ❤️

YIPPIEE more leaving!bikeriders au >:) hii i meant to get back to this SO long ago, feels like good timing now with the bikeriders theatre day approaching! i'm assuming you're the anon from this post <3

i have THOUGHTS. aka this got lengthy oops, shocker. a bit of plotting and then like 2k words of drabble below the cut lmfaoo

the proper drabble will be further down, but first of all, very big agree!! and relieved i'm not the only one who feels this way omg. i haven't watched SOA for this reason specifically– i just don't have much interest in the conflict/violence–heavy plot stuff (which is ironic considering i'm excited for the bikeriders movie, but i think it's pretty clear that's because of the lovely cast lol since i don't care for bikes/cars in the slightest oops). HONOURED that my yapping converted you tho LOL i swear if something is character focussed, it can make 99% of topics at least somewhat appealing!

and please don't worry omg i don't feel influenced/pressured etc, i loveee bouncing ideas and brainrot back and forth for my aus, it's sm fun and i love trying to incorporate things other people like/suggest when i can!! <3 but omg i will weep thank you so much wtf?? :'))

for sure; even the most stoic/'put together' characters surely have done some not very bright things in their lives. i'm toying with a couple backstories for gale to establish what might catch up to him or cause conflict, but i'm gonna wait to decide until i see the movie because i have a feeling i'll get some good inspo from benny's story!

honestly it's the part i'll have to put the most effort into really thinking out in terms of plot to make it flow naturally, because all the relationship focussed things kinda write themselves as i brainrot. but i'm 99% sure i'm gonna write the fic from john's pov because it'll keep a lot of gale a mystery to the readers as well, and therefore save me from having to flesh out certain things until necessary lmfaoo

and yeah!! it's not always the events themselves that hit the hardest– it's the fact that the character could be feral enough for them to happen in the first place, and it's the outcome/fallout that's most fun to write/read (to me).

feral gale is so fun to explore in general because of how different it is to most of what we're shown of him in mota, so it's like a challenge to keep him feeling in character while also picking out the little parts of him that could be pushed to be that way. and of course the classic whump of the one person gale cares about and tries so hard to protect getting hurt because of him? endless angst possibilities.

i dig what you said, about john 'just' being roughed up a little, because i think with whatever backstory i end up forming, it's not like the 'bad guys' are gonna be some mastermind criminals extorting gale for something life or death lol. it's probably gonna be a bunch of rough and tumble biker men with some long lasting beef between their clubs, hitting gale where they know it'll hurt the worst: a loved one.

i bet you anything (depending on how plotting goes LOL) that they don't actually even intend to mess john up to the extent they do; i bet john runs his mouth and makes some sorta escape attempt because as terrified as he is, all he can think about is how gale's gonna obviously track him down and he's more worried about what the guys are planning to do to gale when he shows up. in his naive mind, if he can get out and get to a phone or something, he can stop everything.

ofc the escape attempt is futile because it's one gangly college kid vs a couple of grown ass men, and john gets banged up in the process, seeing as being tackled to the ground with your wrists bound behind your back doesn't leave you with anything to protect your face from concrete with, and maybe then he gets a solid fist to the face to scare him out of pulling anymore shit (it sure works).

and just the act of taking john/putting him danger alone would have gale ready to wring these men out by their necks, but when he shows up and sees his baby bleeding? and he can't tell how bad he's hurt, from where he's lurking around the corner scoping out the situation? he'd see red and be pretty dang close to saying fuck it and going in there without a plan, but the fear of john getting hurt in the process would stop him, and he doesn't feel like going down for murder.

somehow he picks off the guys one by one with a generous amount of flying fists and y'know, maybe a bit of knife–work if necessary, idk, future plotting lol, and tells them they're good as dead if they pull anything like this again. that the club will be keeping an eye out for them, that they're a buncha cowards, and they can come talk to him face to face like men, next time. you get it.

and then finally, obligatory wound care ofc <3 easily top three tropes ever ugh. gale gets john the fuck out of there and to the safety of his truck, methodical and vigilant, and only then does his guarded expression drop, and his hands are shaking just as hard as john's are when he cups john's face in his hands to look him over. john gives him a shell–shocked "'m fine, gale" and hates how guilty gale looks, because there's not even the tiniest part of john that blames gale for any of it; john knew what he was getting into (to an extent) with gale.

but regardless, gale's shaken up, terrified by how much worse things could've gone and how much danger john could've been in, but also terrified of how deeply he feels for john; probably some backstory there about gale seeing someone he loved get hurt, or almost get hurt, swearing he'd never bring someone into his life again because of it, etc, and then in waltzes stubborn, loud–mouthed john egan.

but selfishly (or what he feels is selfish), gale's also terrified that this might be the final nail in the coffin for john. he knows he's not the easiest to be with (even though john thinks the exact same thing about himself lol silly boys) and he knows john's more patient than he deserves, and could find someone his own age with a normal life in a heartbeat with his sweet disposition and charming pretty boy looks. and he knows john's well within his rights to walk away from their relationship now, to be scared of the future, to decide it's too much, and part of gale would be relieved to not have to worry, even if he'd miss john like he's lost half of himself.

it's real quiet when they're back home and john's sitting on the bathroom counter, gale between his legs, patching up his face so so gently, as if each brush of a cotton swab is an apology. both of them have lots to say but neither know how to say it; john hates knowing gale's probably shouldering all the blame and he doesn't know how to reassure him in a way that'll get through to him, but he can't handle the silence. probably makes a weak joke about how "y'shoulda seen the other guy" and doesn't even get a smile out of gale.

ends up wrapping his legs around gale's hips to pull him closer but just gets a huffed out, frustrated "john" as gale swats his ankles away, and it's not that john's trying to make light of what happened, he just doesn't know how to talk about something like that, regardless of how good he and gale have gotten at communicating.

john probably gets a bit frustrated, because gale’s already so protective over him as is, which he likes, but now gale’s treating him like glass, like he’s scared to hurt him further just by touching him, and john does not like that. it feels like progress undone, like he's back at the beginning of their relationship when gale wouldn't let him in or open up to him or trust that he was capable of making his own decisions.

so when gale's done bandaging him up with practiced, meticulous hands, john doesn't give gale time to react, just slides off the counter and snatches the little first aid kit from his hands and says "okay, your turn." and it's obvious gale wants to protest, but john catches him so off guard that he stunned into silence, lets john guide him until he's leaning against the counter.

john's hands still tremble when he takes gale's hands in his, and he tries to steady them because he doesn't want gale to see how freaked out he is, but he diligently cleans away the blood around his knuckles, feeling gale's eyes on him the whole time but not looking away from his task, scared he'll shatter the moment if he does.

if he were to look up though, he'd see gale's watching him in complete awe, struck by the fiercest wave of adoration, drawing a blank while he tries to search for what he could've possibly done in this life or another to have someone like john come (crashing, stumbling, tornado–ing) into his life.

and if we wanna make it extra yowch–y and sappy and feelings heavy: as john's brushing his lips over the cuts, dusting featherlight kisses across his knuckles, john's throat goes tight and he feels his own overwhelming rush of emotions and his heart thumps and he blurts out: "i love you."

it's the first time one of them says it. and it’s a disguised i love you even so. i love you despite. i love you anyway. i love you because. months worth of reassurances wrapped into three words, and even with what john's just gone through, he's still scared when it slips out, looks up at gale with wide, searching eyes, trying to gauge whether he's overstepped or said the wrong thing.

gale's just trying to catch his breath, feeling like the wind's been knocked out of him by the admission. half of him wants to shake his head, gently push john's hands away, tell him "no you don't, hun." a tiny part of him wants to be cruel about it, to laugh the honesty off and ensure john will walk out that door far, far away from the mess that gale is, and not turn back, safe from harm.

but the other half of him, the half that holds his heart, evidently, has him cupping john's open, sincere face in his hands, looking down into bright, fearful, hopeful blue eyes, and murmuring "i love you more."

and john blushes as hard as he did the first time they'd kissed, as hard as he did the first time he was laid out in gale's bed, as if he and gale haven't said a million things much more fluster–inducing since they met. gets all shy, pouts, looks down and mumbles "that's not fair," and that finally gets the first smile out of gale all day, maybe even a breath of a laugh.

they love each other your honour </333

this got way out of hand but what else is newwww i'm so weak for these two. so so weak. i keep saying it but MAN i'm so excited to write this fic this summer omg :')

and DON'T BE SORRY!! it's so chill omg, you were perfectly clear (but i'm glad you elaborated and gave me an excuse to yap about them some more hehehe) and never apologize for long messages, i loveee reading the brainrot and hearing ur thoughts and getting to brainrot back. and thank you AGAIN sobs 😭💗 that makes MY days and ur way too kind fml. i hope the wait hasn't been too long LOL on the chapters AND a response to this ask!! tysm again mwah

[soaps-mohawk]

Hi! So I've been thinking about something when I scrolled through your blog reading some replies and stuff I noticed you talked about accidental pregnancy and stuff but never really what would happen if the reader accidentally got pregnant and I know you talked about implants and how it's like a birth control but since birth controls don't always works Im just wondering what the guys would do if they found out? (Just a shower thought lol) Hopefully you feel better soon sadly I've caught a cold but it gives me an excuse to read the chapters 🤪

Yeah, I don't plan on having pregnancy in the fic so I've never really gone into detail about what would happen if the reader got pregnant, even planned, but I can do that here for those that do want to know

In terms of an accidental pregnancy, I think it would cause a lot of disruption, especially for the guys. It would change a lot. They work dangerous jobs, and they're gone for long periods of time, so (as we're going to see in chapter 17) that takes a lot out on all of them as is. Add in a pregnancy and, in the future, a baby? They're going to have to do a lot of thinking about their futures with the task force.

First off, they would totally leave it up to the reader and what she wants to do in regards to whether they keep the baby or not. I think there would be a long discussion about what it means and what's going to have to change if the reader does decide to keep the baby.

They're not going to want to be separated from their omega at all, much less once it gets close to the reader's due date. I think Price would struggle the most with it, because he kind of always figured he'd just be in the military until he was too old or died, whichever comes first, but now he's got an omega and is about to have a pup. I think Gaz would have the easiest time choosing to retire in favor of raising a family and having a more "normal" pack. It wouldn't be an easy decision for him, but he would be the first to make that decision in the long run.

I think out of all of them, Simon would be the least likely to retire. Even if he pursued a relationship with the reader and later claimed her too, he'd have the hardest time trying to picture himself existing outside of the military. I don't think the reader would ask him to leave either (let's be real, she wouldn't ask any of them to do that). Johnny would struggle a bit, especially since Simon would likely stay enlisted. I've talked about pack splitting before, and this might be a situation where that would come into play.

So yeah, I think eventually Price and Gaz would retire and live out a civilian life with their omega and pup, while Simon and Johnny stay enlisted and visit whenever they can. I think after a while Johnny would retire and enjoy life as the crazy uncle. Simon might be convinced eventually to retire, especially if he has a close call or there's a mission where he really thought he might not make it back. It would take a real wake up call for him to retire, and even then, he'd have to see how much stress was put on his pack because of it to really make that decision.

[redthefortuneteller]

Chapter 209

Chapter 209 was… well I think it provided a lot more questions than one would expect.

So, first off, my theory of Snake being originally a snake was proven wrong by the mention of a human mother. However the experimental facility held by someone akin to a dr Moreau having made Snake the was he is, still stands. As I'd already mentioned on this post, it's been officially confirmed that he did stay and eavesdrop on their conversation. And it's also been confirmed he'd been suspicious when they said they'd leave on that morning when he said "going out again?" and finally he was indeed flip flopping between believing our Ciel and being against him, which was one of the points I made in the dr. Moreau's theory post. He says he always felt suspicious. I believe either from intuition or because Sebastian right from the get go tried sneaking into the first tier side by pretending to be lost, before he even became a member of the circus.

As a small side-note to this @abybweisse's post, Snake didn't know Smile was the earl Phantomhive. He followed the scent of their circus clothes and it led him to the town house. Once there, he was confronted by Agni and Soma, he asked if a small lad and a man dressed all in black lived there. But until then we're led to believe that he didn't know of their identity. It's been so long, I too don't remember all the details about every single thing! Also, I believe he delayed reporting to Joker because he knew Doll knew Smile was in the first tier side and did nothing. So he didn't know if he should take it into his own hands to report to Joker if Doll, who is one of his superiors in a sense, already knew of this and was keeping quiet. I spoke of this more in depth here if anyone's interested. It's the same link as the one I linked in the begining.

Right, then we have a whole rewash of things that had already been known for years, with perhaps the exception of him being taught mathematics. We'd already known that he had been taught how to read. All of this in quite a fleeting, vague way. Nothing even close to the flashbacks Baldroy got. And Baldroy didn't die so, with all humbleness, I don't think he needed so much put in about him because he shall still have time to "talk" about it. In comparison, that is. Of course it's interesting know Baldroy's backstory and know more about his time with the Phantomhives. I simply feel Snake should be rightfully owed much more in comparison, since his time is now over... I will post more of my feelings on this later. Finally, we get information about a human mother, which of course confirms my theory about his origins is not to be! At least not in it's main point which is him being a snake originally. He could still have been in a experimental facility of the sort, of course.

Now, the information we were left with is simply these three points which weren't touched on or explained in any way before he died:

he was at some point in an orphanage (but was illiterate)

he was in a cage since he can remember

he and the snakes came from somewhere far away

his mother was an actress by the name of Sarah Kemble

he not only has snake attributes like snake skin, slit pupils and a split tongue, he also understands what they say and talks to them

I've been thinking hard and am having a little bit of a hard time trying to tie these three things together in a flowing, graceful manner that would fit the story and not sound like a very twisted pretzel of a backstory. Haha! Of course given more time I hope to conjure something of sense up! I'm looking forward to reading everyone's ideas on this! Everything that I was going to say about Sarah Siddons (born, Sarah Kemble) was already said by @abybweisse on this post which is quite aptly named, given that the woman that brought Snake into the world, brought out of her womb a personified epitome of tragedy, which is him.

I'd only like to add that she was born in Wales. Although Wales doesn't really count as a place far away, I just feel like mentioning this as it could become relevant later on, or someone might think of something that might add to the story. It's hard to know exactly how much Yana intends to keep in the manga of the real Sarah Kemble and how much is made up for the story. So, how much we can stretch what we know for theories is limited. We could for example say Sarah went to one of the British colonies, gave birth to her bastard child (Snake) there and left him.

Now the orphanage and the cage are a little hard to put together for me, but alas… also him not knowing how to read is odd as he was in an orphanage. Of course, we should consider too, the possibility that he could've been living there at a time when he was very little and still unfit to learn such skills. Then some organization got him and experimented on him?

Or Was he given away in England to an orphanage and later picked up by an organization that was using "free" orphaned children to experiment on them and thus taken to somewhere far away? And that's when he was introduced to the all snakes? And then they all came together back to England again? You see how it quickly becomes a little messy? But he did say that since when he can remember he was always in a cage… was he in a cage in the orphanage? That's very peculiar. Unless, the orphanage was the experimenting facility, as in my theory (minus him being originally a snake, of course).

Could he have been born as he is of some sort of socialite demonic ritual and the mother was a sacrifice? I mean, I suppose I had already thought of this hypothesis but it just sounded so inorganic that I didn't further consider it… That's simply my opinion of course, maybe with a few little details added, it could become more palatable!

That's it for now! Thank you for reading!

[nono-uwu]

hi this is kind of random but. ive seen a few posts so far from people in the fandom expressing they don't like/aren't interested in mikayuu anymore and i was curious if you knew why? it's been like a long time since i was into ons (like 2018? 😭) so im pretty out of the loop and was wondering if smth crazy happened ig lol 😭

I'm more of a recent addition to the fandom (watched/read ons for the 1st time in 2021 lol) but here's what I observed I think (not sure if you've read the manga but just in case huge spoiler warning)(also I may or may not be biased against them since my favs are the vampires and shinoa squad without mikayuu lol):

- there is just too much of them. Obviously they're the main characters but ons always had a colorful cast of characters and a lot of them (mainly Shinoa squad tbh) were sidelined during the shibuya arc and basically turned into cardboard cutouts that shout "Yuu!" every few chapters. Though they did get their personalities back in ch 133, it took way too long imo.

- Mikayuu barley changed as people and their relationship stayed basically the same. Once they reunited and Mika 'joined' Shinoa squad their relationship dynamic could be boiled down to: Yuu is kinda stupid and wants to do smth bc fAmLIy or whatever, Mika disagrees, Yuu does the equivalent of puppy dog eyes, Mika begrudgingly agrees, Yuu gets what he wants with minimal consequenz. After a while it's just not interesting to have the main character constantly winning. Heck, Mika's 'death' and demon transformation barley did anything in the long run.

Like at one point, it got brought up that Mika is losing his emotions for everything except Yuu, which was a pretty interesting idea and could have brought conflict into their realtionship. But a few weeks later (in-story, took a few years irl lol) Mika gets turned into a demon, regains his emotions and the former conflict is left in the dust.

Now with Mika as a demon, he lost all of his agency. He is literally stuck to Yuu and the most he can do against him is refuse to give him power but Yuu can just force it out of him so. Pretty fucked.

After they split off from the main group post Shibuya arc, they once again have an inkling of a conflict.

For context, they split off bc Yuu had to either choose between resurrecting humanity or only Mika (at least that's how Guren phrased it). Yuu's gayass chose Mika and at first they had an argument bc Mika doesn't value his life and would rather have everyone revived at his expense. Yuu goes 'nuh-uh' and makes a run for it, devoures Asuramaru/Ashera in the process.

Once they've run off, Mika confornts Yuu and shouts at him, saying he should have a happy life with his human family instead of Mika. Yuu once again goes "nuh-uh" and decides to revive all of humanity, Mika included.

- They restate their goal, plans and whatnot too much. Ons is a monthly manga with ~35 pages per chapter. In Mikayuu centric chapters, almost half (if not all) are wasted on restating the goals they've stated LAST FUCKING CHAPTER. Maybe Kagami doesn't trust the readers memory but man, you didn't do this before, did you? Why now all of a sudden? There's plenty of plot to get through, we can reread old chapters if we forget something.

There's also way too much goofing around. Obviously down-time is needed in any action packed series but we've gotten so much random cut-ins of Yuu needing food in what are supposed to be tense moments. Also we do not need an entire chapter of them hunting, eating and talking about their plans and others plans.

-

This is all I remembered off the top of my head, anyone feel free to add more

[snek-panini]

I'm trying to get the last of my Binderary projects posted, so today we have books #8 and 9, Fault Lines by Marabelle123. This is a long canon compliant Good Omens fic (pre-second season) that I've had on my to-bind list since I started making books three years ago. It's unfinished and had its most recent update in early 2020, but based on how the existing story feels I'm fairly sure it was close to the end and feels complete enough to be satisfying. It's very in character and captures a lot of the specific feeling from the pre-miniseries fandom, that the relationship between the leads defies all definition. They're as close as it's possible to be and their relationship has teeth sometimes but their bond is as undefinable as it is unbreakable. Give it a read if that sounds like your thing; it's excellent.

The cover for this one is made of two colors of faux leather, cut at a diagonal with no overlap, with the title in silver foil htv. I've never done a cover like this before but I'm in love with the result. It feels very sleek and sexy and modern compared to the more vintage elements I usually favor. And I didn't have enough of either leather to do two full books, but I still wanted to use them and have the volumes match. I think it was an elegant solution.

More pics under the cut! I tried some new stuff with this one.

You may have noticed above that this is a Coptic bind, my favorite for unfinished fics because of the "out" option it leaves. If the author ever returns to it and posts more chapters it would be fairly easy to take out the stitching and add more signatures. I still stand by this motivation, but after a silence of four years and no response from the author when I reached out for permission to bind it I'm reasonably sure this is it for the story. That let me try out some stuff I'd be reluctant to do if I was planning to add pages. Have a look at the spines:

Sadly I couldn't make the page count work with a single volume, since you can't do much to mitigate spine swell in a Coptic bind, but the volume split let me do some long stitches in the center that look like wings. There are plot-relevant feathers in the fic, so it's fitting. I thought of sewing one of them in white for that sweet Good Omens balance feeling, but I didn't think it would pop against the white paper and would leave the set looking unbalanced so I stuck with black on both. To get the pattern right I cut out a wing shape the same width as the spine and traced it and poked holes for the outline, then flipped it for the second volume so they'd be mirrored. You can also see that I did something different at the head and tail, more visible here:

This is a Coptic endband. I found out these existed a couple of months ago and absolutely had to try them. They're woven into the signatures and cover with a separate thread, after the rest of the stitching is done, and they're supposed to add some stability to the wiggly spine that you always get with these books. Unlike other types of endband, they don't have a core. I had a lot of trouble with them and had to pull out the first one and redo it with a different thread (embroidery floss is better than crochet thread for this) but I have no regrets about the finished product. They do stabilize the spine some, though not as much as I'd have liked. I really like how they (and the longstitch section) dress up a Coptic spine. I've always thought the plain ones were a little lackluster for how much work they are, but I love all the texture and interest this one has. Would absolutely not do black on black again though. Very hard to keep track of which thread I was supposed to sew under against a black background. I'll be using a contrasting color next time.

Interior photos. The doublure on the inside of the cover is a striped lokta (I think; it's been a while since I bought it). The title page image is a free-to-use image that I found on I think Vecteezy. Unsurprisingly, given its title, a big theme in this one is underlying cracks and misalignments that the characters don't realize are there until there's a massive disturbance, and that's why I had the text on both the title page and the cover not line up. Things are slipping, things are cracking, and there's extra work to be done on both sides if you're going to stabilize or rebuild. Comparatively, the typeset is quite plain and simple, with only two fonts, no chapter header image, and no section break images unless the break falls on the last line of a page, in which case there's one gray line. I think it's well-suited to the story; there is a bit with an illuminated manuscript, but mostly the characters are busy introspecting in between managing crises. They don't have the time or the energy to dress things up prettily.

And that's it on Fault Lines! As I mentioned earlier, I reached out to the author on Ao3 for permission to bind but never received a response, so I really hope they don't mind that I made these. I love their fic, and I love the bind I made.

[jasntodds]

Petrichor Chapter 10 Teaser - Full Chapter coming 09/27

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb) Teaser Words: 2,049 Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon character death, canon drug use, drug use, blood, bruises, injuries, look the anti-fear drug turns perfectly innocent people into raging murderers and makes them do things they would never do and that's all I'm gonna say for that one, canon violence, violence Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞ Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now. A/N: My life blew up last week so I've done nothing besides rewatch CSI so here's a teaser lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

Jason, on the other hand, he knows you. He knows you want to meet up to check on him, yes. You’ll always want to check on him after any sort of fight with anyone. It’s what you do. But, he also knows you're going to have questions about him attacking Dick and the other Titans. You tipped him off, sure, but maybe you didn’t think he was going to actually attack them. He knows you're going to question him about it, probably lecture him. He doesn’t want to listen to it. He can’t listen to it. A part of him will want to break if he does and he knows it. He knows he will if he goes there clean. So, he doesn’t. He hits the inhaler and pockets it before heading to the alley.

Jason gets there first, hiding in the shadows until you show up. You're on your bike, completely suited up. You don’t want anyone seeing you with him. Not the real you. Red Hood is pissing off a lot of people and you already have enough shit you're dealing with. The last thing you want is a target painted on your civilian self for being seen with him.

You dismount the bike, popping the helmet on the handlebar as you look around. Jason walks out from the shadows, wearing the suit and the helmet. Of course, he is.

“I’m fine.” Jason states. You don’t like how the helmet makes him sound.

“Yeah, well, had to see for myself.” You let out a breath as you close the rest of the distance between you.

“You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” Jason takes the helmet off and he isn’t smiling or grinning. His expression is flat and your heart starts to sink.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Jay?” You shake your head, Jason getting a hint of annoyance in your voice.

“I mean I’m fine.” He rolls his shoulders, his voice flat.

Your eyes are scanning over him and it's dark but you're pretty sure he doesn't have any bruises. It seems either the helmet and suit did a good job of protecting him tonight or Dick didn't get a hit in. That's at the very least a small relief but Jason Todd has never been fine. You're starting to think he doesn't actually know the definition of the word.

“Right. You have said you’re fine a hundred times and not once have you actually been fine.” You cross your arms over your chest.

Jason's teeth grit for just a split second. “Don’t fucking worry. I told you. I got this handled.” Jason holds the helmet on his hip, his stance strong and sturdy.

He’s different than he was yesterday. He was grinning and smirking because it’s him. Whenever he claims to be fine, he gives you a grin as if that’s going to melt your worry away. But, not tonight and he seems bored and defensive.

“Why are you being so…weird?” You raise a brow at him.

Jason brushes you off, thankful for the drug coursing through his system. He’d never be able to deal with this without it.

“I’m not weird.” Jason defends.

“Yeah, you are. You’re acting weird.” You argue.

You don’t get it and maybe you won’t ever. But, this is him now. He’s not acting weird because this is the new him. Red Hood, fearless. He has no worries or fears anymore, just a mission. Jason swears he’s not acting weird, you're just expecting the old him.

“This is just the new me.” He lets out this sort of chuckle that doesn’t sit well in your stomach.

“Uh-huh. Right. You seemed…kind of normal last time but now you seem…off.” Your eyes scan over his face and your heart is in your throat, the formula running through your mind.

“Just glad to be doing what Bruce couldn’t.” Jason holds his head up high with ease.

“This conversation is going fucking nowhere.” You let out a sigh as you look to the ground.

You came here with the intent to be sure he's fine. It was to get some sort of answer. A real, solid reason not to tell Dick anything. Dick is going to have so many questions when you get back tonight. All of them will be about Jason and what his new plan is now that he's alive. You need a reason to keep what you do know to yourself and Jason is giving you every reason to be worried enough to talk to Dick.

“So, go home.” Jason scoffs but he’s not even offended or upset. It’s like he doesn’t even care.

Your attention snaps back to him. “What the fuck? I’m worried about you and you don’t even care?”

It's not that he doesn’t care. The drug numbs part of that but not entirely. It can’t otherwise they wouldn’t be able to have a plan in the first place. Jason has to be able to care about the city and the people he’s trying to protect otherwise there is no plan. It’s not that he does not care, it’s that he doesn’t care to go through the arguing in circles game while you dig for information.

“What else did you want? I know you want something else.” Jason dodges the question on purpose, knowing he won’t even feel guilty about it.

A lump forms in your throat as he dodges the question. He comes back to life and is, generally, normal but now he’s not? How is that even possible?

“Dick knows you’re alive.” You swallow the lump and if he’s going to pretend like this doesn’t hurt him, fine, you’ll do the same.

“Yeah, broke my other helmet, had a backup though.” Jason looks down to the helmet on his hip and then back to you with ease, the very corners of his mouth twitching into a grin.

“Oh, I’m so glad you have a spare helmet, Jason.” You snark through a scoff. “Unbelievable.” You look down and this is not how you wanted this to go. “Why did you try to shoot him?”

“He was in the way.” Jason answers casually.

The Titans are going to get in the way and Dick is the leader. Without him, the Titans will fall apart. Crane is right about Dick. He thinks he’s better than Jason. He thinks he’s the golden child, and he always was to Bruce. Bruce couldn’t even be bothered to kill the Joker for Jason but he would have for Dick. Dick dropped him from a skyscraper. Dick got him kidnapped and tortured. This all comes back to him and Bruce. 

Your eyes nearly bulge out of your head and you're sick of the games with him right now. “Are fucking joking!?” You finally yell. This isn’t funny. Dick is his brother, he’s your friend. He could have killed him. What the fuck is wrong with him?

“Nope.” Jason gives you a grin. The drug loves confrontation.

This is not the Jason you once knew.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You glare up at him. “He’s in your way? Well, damn Jason, maybe don’t attack the fucking Titans.” You gesture your hands out as you shrug your shoulders.

Jason’s blood starts to boil as you yell. You swore you weren’t working with them but from where he’s standing, it sure as shit seems like you are. Crane said you would. Crane said you’d start working with them the second you found out what he was doing. Maybe he was right and it’s pissing Jason off. You're supposed to be on his side.

“I thought you weren't fucking working with them.” Jason seethes. You lied. You lied to him. Of course, you're working with them. Maybe Crane was right about you, too.

But you tipped him off. 

“I’m fucking not! But I give a shit about them. In case you forgot, Dick saved my life twice. Gar is our best friend. Conner saved your life. Kory fucking tried to save our lives. I know you care about them. Why the hell would you go after them?”

“Dick treats me like shit. I’m fucking no one to him. He thinks he’s so much better than me.” Jason scoffs. “You said Rachel was his lap dog, but look at you now.” Jason laughs cruelly as he closes some of the distance between you. “You're the one screaming at me and defending him.” Jason shakes his head, looking down at you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he were trying to intimidate you.

Maybe you don’t know better.

“You tried to kill him! He pisses me off sometimes, too but I don’t want him dead! I’m not his damn lap dog, either. I just don’t know what the hell is going on. And you won’t fucking tell me.” You grit your teeth, standing toe-to-toe with him.

“That’s because it’s none of your fucking business, but don’t worry, babe, you’ll see soon enough.” Jason offers this grin that you can’t tell is him taunting you or threatening you. And from here, with him nearly standing on top of you, can see his eyes better.

His pupils are dilated and your heart is suddenly in your throat. On the one hand, making a drug and selling it to innocent people is really bad and you were hoping that was not it. But, on the other hand, a part of you thinks him taking something is worse in a way. The formula screams from the back of your head and Dick's general concern about it, Jason's weird and erratic behavior before he died. Him going after the Joker. He's definitely high and you have no fucking idea how you missed that either or what even lead him here.

“Literally, are you high right now?” You question him, hoping against all odds whatever he's on will make him tell you, like an overconfidence thing. “Because the Jason I know wouldn’t be laughing and trying to kill the Titans. The Jason I know wouldn’t be being such a fucking dick to me right now.”

Jason lets out a laugh, ignoring your question because he's not playing into your hand. “So, go home.” There's a wicked look in his eyes as he looks down at you. And it hurts. “This is me, new and improved.” There's almost something threatening in the way his eyes darken to the deepest shade of evergreen you've ever seen.

“If you think this an improvement, I have news for you. The new you sucks.” You spit back.

It’s like the drug loves confrontation. It’s as if confrontation triggers something. The drug is supposed to suppress fear. That’s the point of it. But it seems to do a few other things. If confrontation starts, it’s like Jason gets an adrenaline boost but not in self-defense, instead, it’s more like skydiving. It’s actually fun, it doesn’t matter who the confrontation is with. It’s fun. Thrilling. Jason doesn’t realize that maybe that was Craen’s plan. He’s a mad scientist. Maybe the drug is meant to suppress his fear but maybe it’s meant to control other parts of him in just the right way to do his bidding. Like using confrontation as another drug. Jason doesn’t see it. He can’t see it because the drug, at the end of the day, is Crane’s creation. Because Crane is the one pulling the strings behind the curtain.

And unfortunately for you, you're kicking up the confrontation.

Jason’s smile falls as he shakes his head. There’s an anger that sparks across his eyes, something you've never directed at you. “Really? Not what you fucking said yesterday. Not what you said earlier today when you tipped me off.”

“You weren’t like this yesterday or earlier.” You argue, holding your ground.

Jason steps forward, making you take steps back until your back hits the alley wall behind you and your heart spikes. Your head isn’t throbbing but a very small part of you, is a little bit scared. This isn’t him. Jason wouldn’t try to kill Dick. Jason does not threaten you. But there's a look in his eyes and if he's willing to kill Dick and attack his friends, what's he willing to do to you?

“Go. Home.” Jason warns.

prev. chapter

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[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 32 – Weavers, Scribes and Kings: A New History of the Ancient Near East by Amanda Podany

This was my second real (published by a university press, has ~100 pages of citations and bibliography at the back) history book I’ve read this year. Which I think probably explains why it took me about as long to read as the other 7 books this month put together. Which is the opposite of a complaint, just to be absolutely clear. I’ve kind of missed chewing through a history book that would double as a decent self-defence aid in a pinch.

The title explains the book well enough – this is a broad survey history of the ancient near east. Specifically, it’s a history of civilizations that recorded their records and correspondences and stories in cuneiform on clay tablets. So the narrative begins with Uruk in Sumeria, follows it through the spread of city-states throughout Mesopotamia, expands its view to include Syria, the Levant and regions of Anatolia (and to a much lesser extent Egypt) and the western Iranian plateau in the late bronze age, and keeps that frame through the iron age until reaching the Achaemenid conquests and the decline of cuneiform in favour of writing in Aramaic on paper or parchment.

Part of that is just arbitrary because you need to pick some outer borders of what your book is about, but it’s also a fact that writing everything down on (often baked, either purposefully or because they got caught in a fire) clay tablets was a truly incredible gift to future historians. Paper and parchment and cloths decays away over the course of a historical eyeblink, whereas we still have legal contracts and bureaucratic records from literally four thousand years ago that were recorded on fired clay. Combined with some incredible archaeological luck, and we can see stretches of late bronze age history in higher definition than very nearly anything until, like, the Early Modern Period.

The necessary condition of that is obviously that these cuneiform-writing civilizations actually wrote enough down for written records to really let us understand their societies. Which did very over time, and is definitely overwhelmingly biased towards the great institutions and upper classes, but actually does seem to have been true! Podany all but dedicated the book Mesopotamia’s scribal class, and they got everywhere. And the change over time in just what’s written about - the spread of written records and letters from temples and palaces to the private homes, the spread in literacy from an arcane art only trained scribes would understand to something every halfway prominent merchant would be expected to grasp the basics of for record-keeping – is illuminating enough about how these societies evolved on its own.

Aside from all the waxing poetic about clay tablets, the book does try quite hard to be an approachable historical survey. To that end, basically every chapter is split into a few different sections, each pocket biographies of individuals (or, occasionally, pieces of architecture) that we have enough visibility of to make them a useful entry point to illustrating some broader aspect or society or important process they lived through. The vast majority of them aren’t great kings or conquerors, either – scribes, merchants, weavers, farmers, priestesses, and even the occasional slave get pride of place. On balance, the book tries to be a social history, getting across how people actually lived (or Podany’s best guess of it, though she’s quite explicit about what the actual evidence we have for every given biography is and when she’s speculating) is favoured over the exact sequence of battles and kings.

I’ve mentioned it before, but prior to reading this my only real familiarity with the ancient Near East (and specifically with the development of pristine states in Mesopotamia) was from Scott’s Against the Grain. Which adds a slight sense of whiplash to the entire first third or so of this book, honestly; as opposed to Scott, Podany actually seems sympathetic to the position that civilization was a good idea. Part of that is just that she takes the actual emergence of the first city-states as a given (instead of something approaching original sin), but the book very clearly portrays the growth of a literary culture, monumental architecture, specialized labour, grand and impressive rituals and festivals, institutionalized long-distance trade, and so on as interesting and impressive things worth studying and appreciating. It’s a book about a project of state-based urban-agrarian civilization, as told through its archaeological remnants and literary corpus, and as a whole it portrays that project as admirable and sympathetic. The book doesn’t brush over slavery or warfare, but they’re not especially focused on, either. Famine and plague actually are pretty much brushed over or at least portrayed as irregular calamities. A lot of the book’s wordcount is spent sketching out lives that seem at least slightly familiar to a modern reader, and making the Mesopotamian world seem like a place you could live a happy life in. Quite a contrast to Scott’s constellation of slave societies held together by brute force and exemplary terror, forever raiding the hinterland to abduct new workers to make up the losses from constant disease outbreaks and always on the verge of collapse.

Well, that’s all only mostly true. Podany’s sympathies for pristine states and bronze age empires does not extend to the iron-age Assyrian Empire. Her disdain for their whole imperial project is pretty clear through those chapters, and from her telling they (especially during what’s called the Neo-Assyrian Empire) were responsible for a lot of the brutal innovations that are now such core parts of imperialism. The mass deportation of conquered populations to settle and work other provinces, using exemplary terror to cow subjects, and royal legitimacy established nearly entirely through glorious victories in warfare and exulting in the same. (Along with less objectionable but still important practices like appointing regional governors from the centre.)

The book makes a real point of keeping a balance between men and women in who it focuses on. This is, I get the feeling, kind of just a matter of wanting to show off that we have a historical record that actually includes women in it as more than accessories and footnotes to men for this period (unlike, say, Classical Athens), But Podany’s clearly made a secondary goal of the book to try and push back on the whole image of a primordial and unchanging ultra-patriarchal order across all of history. So there’s a lot of attention paid to how the role of women in public life changed over time, and the sort of political and economic power elite women could wield. Which was actually quite a bit, as it turned out! Obviously nowhere in the ancient world was anything like a feminist utopia (and as a general trend, seems to have grown more patriarchal over time), but compared to a lot of periods I know more about, the available space for women in public life is quite a bit larger; on the upper extreme, queens and priestesses managed and controlled massive estates in their own right, and on the lower we’ve got plenty of bureaucratic records showing women in various prestigious or managerial roles. Always paid significantly less than men doing the same of course, but still a far sight from being totally cloistered or official ideologies saying women are soulless or incapable of rational thought!

Speaking of priestesses – Podany goes into great detail trying to describe Mesopotamian religion and the place religion had in the ancient near east. Which again changes over time – in the early dynastic period the great temples seem to have been the core organizing institutions of economic and social life, but two thousand years latter they were still rich and important, but relatively speaking much less central – but is basically always incredibly important. The endowment of high priestesses and the creation of some public work then given over as the property of an important gods were common themes of year names across the region’s kingdoms, and by all accounts pretty key legitimizing activities. The idea that the gods would sanctify oaths and punish anyone who broke them was likewise a pretty core part of Mesopotamian systems of justice. The book’s a bit vague on how the actual theology and practice of religion over time, but there’s plenty of lovely, evocative descriptions of rituals and festivals, and of the architecture of temples and design of the statue-avatars that were considered to be literal bodies of the divine.

The book’s also very interested in forms of government – both day to day systems of contracts and justice and land allocation, and the high politics of royal courts and governance. Though there’s unsurprisingly quite a bit more available on the latter than the former. Still, it’s pretty fascinating to the degree that the whole ‘absolute tyrant bronze age god-king’ was...well, not not a thing, but very much an occasional aberration. The growth of centralized royal authority was a real trend over a lot of the period, but especially in the beginning arrangements that seem pretty close to what we’d call a constitutional monarchy, with power shared with councils of notables, really do seem to have predominated. Special shouout to Ashur, which before it became a militaristic empire in the late Bronze Age was actually a prosperous trading city where the king was in large part a ritual/religious figure and the balance of executive power seems to have been held by an official who was elected by the city’s merchant class for annual terms.

I’ve done a poor job getting it across in this review, but the book does an amazing job really confronting you with the sheer depth of history – bronze age kingdoms and city-states were the dominant political institutions of the near-east for millennia. The period covered by the book is literally nearly as long as the period between the end of the book and the present. It’s enough to give you a sense of vertigo.

Anyway, absolutely incredible book, that I’m very happy to have read. Now I need to go find a decent one on Achaemenid Persia.

[amethystina]

Hi 🌸

🤲✅️🤭

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

I feel like I've shared snippets from most of my WIPs already but here's one from the chapter I'm currently trying to edit, which is chapter 6 of A New Dawn (Begins With Us):

"Just drop it, kid."

A furrow appeared between Sa Wol's brows, his despair giving way to a scowl.

"Don't call me that."

Even if 5-8 knew it would be mean to insist, he could tell that he had to create more distance between them. Sa Wol wasn't likely to let go unless 5-8 pushed him away. Not to mention that 5-8 would much rather face Sa Wol's anger than that heartbreaking vulnerability.

"That's what you are," 5-8 replied, as if it should have been obvious.

Sa Wol clenched his hands, his jaw tight, but, to 5-8's surprise, he didn't reply. Then again, maybe Sa Wol had realized that protesting would only make him seem more childish.

Seconds ticked by and once 5-8 decided that Sa Wol wasn't going to respond, he moved to push past him.

5-8 couldn't say if Sa Wol had been waiting for that exact thing or if he'd simply decided he wasn't going to let 5-8 brush him off that easily. Either way, Sa Wol's hand shot out, his fingers curling around 5-8's collar. Reflexes took over, 5-8 falling back on instincts he wouldn't have been able to hold back even if he'd tried.

He dropped his mask and grabbed Sa Wol's wrist, giving it a twist — swift enough to make those grasping fingers slip — before his right hand closed around Sa Wol's throat, slamming him up against the wall.

What 5-8 wasn't prepared for was the sharp tug on his collar, noticing Sa Wol's other hand closing around it a split second too late to stop it. 5-8 was pulled forward, having just enough time to let go of Sa Wol's wrist in favor of trying to stop his momentum. The sound of his palm hitting the wall echoed through the house, but 5-8 barely heard it.

He was too focused on the fact that Sa Wol's face was suddenly less than a couple of centimeters away from his own.

Everything stilled.

The explosive burst of movement left an almost deafening silence behind, 5-8 staring down at Sa Wol, heart in his throat. He could feel a trickle of horrified guilt — for having reacted with such violence toward someone he cared about and wanted to protect — but, at the same time, he could tell that Sa Wol wasn't at all frightened by what had just happened.

He was glaring up at 5-8, gaze hard, his fingers tightening around 5-8's collar — as if to make sure he wouldn't pull away again. The stubbornness and lack of surprise in his expression made 5-8 realize that, most likely, Sa Wol had grabbed 5-8 on purpose, knowing full well what would happen if he did.

They had ended up exactly where Sa Wol wanted them to.

✅ What’s something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don’t mean to?

... angst?

I mean, there are certain phrases and themes that I also keep reusing without meaning to, but the biggest is honestly angst. I'm a fluff writer at heart but I'm also really fond of writing long and complex stories with in-depth character development and an unfortunate side effect of that is angst. Because some growth only seems to happen through suffering. I am very displeased.

Oh! Wait! I thought of another one: neck kinks.

Why do so many of the characters in my recent fics have neck kinks? Like, at this point I have to wonder if I have a neck kink? But I don't think so? They just seem to occur naturally without me even trying.

It's honestly baffling.

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

Honestly no. Is that a thing? x'D

I add the tags that are appropriate and, lately, ones I think are funny because I like to pretend I'm a comedian. I have ones I use more frequently because many of my fics contain similar themes, but not ones I prefer over others.

I think the closest I might come to a "favourite tag" is "Maybe he's born with it maybe it's gaslighting." But that, again, is because I like to think I'm funny and I felt really clever for coming up with it xD I've used it both for my Devil Judge fics and my Strangers From Hell Zombie AU.

Thank you so much for the ask! :D

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

[lurkingshan]

If you could rant about one thing in BL, what would it be? (This could be either a complaint or a soapbox)

Thank you for the invitation to climb on my soapbox, I love it up here. Something that’s been on my mind recently is bl second seasons, so I will take this opportunity to talk about why I both anticipate and dread them in equal measure, and what makes for a strong second season in a romance narrative. I would apologize for this being so long but it's you, Emperor of the Long Post, so I don't even feel bad.

First of all, let me just say that part of the reason I love Asian dramas in the first place is because they don’t have multiple seasons. Unlike American TV, you don’t have to invest literal years in a show only to have it blow up in your face when it (nearly always) goes off the rails for one reason or another. The vast majority of Asian dramas are one and done–they tell a complete story in one limited run, and afterwards you just get to move on to the next story. As a result they tend to have a higher hit rate because they’re not trying to stretch their story beyond its limits to keep it going and going, and even when they fail you only spent a few days or weeks on it so it doesn’t feel like you wasted a lot of time. There are a few exceptions of course (lately kdramas on Netflix have started splitting into two “seasons” that are really just one standard kdrama episode count split in two and airing a few months apart–high key annoying IMO), but by and large that’s how it goes. 

So the bl genre’s propensity for second seasons already goes a bit against the grain of what I love about dramas, and add to that the very nature of bls—they are romances, which typically end at the point that the romantic conflict has been addressed and the characters decide to stay together. So in general, I am primed to be suspicious of second seasons in this genre. Many second seasons are clearly driven by capitalism more than anything else–the pairing is popular and so the production company is looking to cash in while their commodity is hot, and whether or not they actually have any more story to tell is a secondary concern. So my first questions when approaching a second season is why was this made and what is it trying to accomplish? 

I think there are a few buckets here:

Continuing the narrative season 2s: These are the shows where the story was not complete at the end of season 1, and season 2 is actually necessary to provide some resolution. Love Sick 2 and Make it Right 2 are prime examples; those narratives were incomplete after the first season and season 2 finished them. What Did You Eat Yesterday? 2 also falls in this category but for a different reason: it’s a slice of life show and the narrative never really ends. They could make 10 seasons of that show and it would make perfect sense (not that I am begging or anything).

Cash grab season 2s: These are the ones with little or no real narrative purpose. They’re more like long specials, and their purpose is primarily to provide additional fluff for the audience while they sell products (including the actors, they are also products here). Cutie Pie 2 You, Still 2gether, TharnType 2 are all good examples of this. Now I am not saying these shows are inherently worthless–they gave Aof the reins for 2SG, for instance, and he managed to make something of it and even repair some damage from the first season–but they are definitely inessential. 

What happens after the HEA season 2s: My favorite kind, these are the ones that move into the next phase of the romance, once the characters have decided to be together, and take a look at what their relationship would actually be like. Their purpose is to deepen the relationship and character development and examine the types of conflicts that would naturally come up between the two personalities. Gameboys 2, I Promised You the Moon, Minato’s Laundromat 2, SOTUS: S, Together With Me: The Next Chapter, To My Star 2, and Utsukushii Kare 2 all fall under this category. Some of these are more successful than others, which I will unpack below. 

Something like Our Skyy and Our Skyy 2 runs the gamut between these three types, with each installment fitting into different categories. The Eclipse OS2 is a great example of category 3, whereas My School President OS2 is more of a category 2, and you could make a case that SOTUS OS is really a category 1, since it puts a nice cap on the narrative of that whole series.

So, with that said, what I actually want to talk about is category 3, because these are the shows I am most interested in and where the decisions made in the writing are most crucial. Because this type of second season has real potential to either strengthen or damage the couple and how we see their relationship. The best second seasons of this type build on the established characteristics of the characters and take us through some natural conflicts that would arise as they continue their relationship. For instance, in Gameboys 2 we see Cairo and Gavreel spend prolonged time together in person for the first time after maintaining a long distance relationship and work through what physical intimacy looks like for them as well as how they intend to keep their relationship strong despite distance. I Promised You the Moon, SOTUS: S, To My Star 2, and Utsukushii Kare 2 all build on their characters’ well-established flaws from the first season to explore how that would manifest in conflict as these relationships continue and offer plausible scenarios for how the couples might make it through those issues (and it ain’t always pretty!). All of these are very successful second seasons, because they build naturally from what came before and directly address the doubts we had when those shows first ended about whether the couple can actually make it long-term.

Where this type of second season goes really wrong is when the writing violates character or the established patterns of the relationship in order to create conflict. In Together With Me: The Next Chapter, the show uses cheating as a plot device, having Korn cheat on Knock in a one-off hookup with a shitty villain character, and to add insult to injury, they juxtaposed it against Knock finally coming out in a poor attempt at dramatic irony. The reason this sucked was not just because it hurt our feelings; it sucked because that behavior was contra everything we knew about Korn, his devotion to Knock, and his well-established patience with Knock’s internalized homophobia. Now, don’t get it twisted: I do not believe cheating is an inherently bad plot device. It was actually used very well in I Promised You the Moon, a decision I will defend to the death (in fact, you can tune in to the conversation pod in a couple weeks to hear me do just that!). But its use in TWM:TNC did not make sense for the characters, and thus rather than deepening their relationship development, it irreparably harmed it. 

Another way a second season of this type can go wrong is when the writing is not committed to the narrative or leans too hard on first season nostalgia rather than dealing with the current iteration of the characters. Minato’s Laundromat 2 just did both of these things, which was especially frustrating because for nine weeks it was on track to be a very successful version of this type.The show started out tracking the painstaking and slow process of Minato dealing with his internalized homophobia and becoming a decent partner to Shin, but for reasons I can only speculate about, the show balked in the final act, backing away from finishing its narrative in favor of an amnesia plot and several episodes of first season nostalgia bait, ending with a happy resolution that felt wholly unearned and thus deeply unsatisfying. This was especially infuriating because the show got us invested in the growth arc before failing to complete it.  

So what is my point here? Second seasons can be very worthwhile, but only if there is a clear vision for what the story wants to explore about the relationship that is rooted in what we already know about the characters. There are rumors about other second seasons coming our way from shows like Big Dragon, Blueming, and The Eighth Sense, some of which have more potential to add to the original story than others (T8S is particularly primed for a solid second season IMO, because it left so much character development and natural conflict for the next stage of the relationship on the table). But regardless of where they decide to go with the plot of these additional seasons, the thing that will be most crucial is whether they keep fidelity to who the characters are and how their relationships work. That is how you successfully build from an origin romance in a way that feels meaningful and worthwhile.

[forsaire]

How do you manage to keep more than 4 characters in a scene without making it messy?

I guess i do have experience with lots of 6 character scenes with 141 + Vaqueros and even more with additional characters (even one chapter juggling 19 characters)😅 Just thinking a little bit, i can come up with a few things that might help. Most of this discussion is related to dialogue scenes.

Try to place everyone in the scene so the reader isn't confused

Can be brief explanations about tables (sitting on which side, sitting next to who), rooms (centre, left/right side, next to object), car (front and back seats, sitting next to who), etc.

I personally sometimes over explain this and it comes out clunky which I have to clean up in editing, but it helps to know which way a character would be looking, how far away they are to someone, who they can easily touch, etc.

For example whispering to someone means that another person across the room can't hear. If the reader thinks everyone is standing next to each other, it would be harder to believe the secret is being kept and they might ask "wait, why can't this person hear them?".

Use actions to lead with who is speaking

With so many characters, it can be hard to know who is speaking before their name shows up. It might be easier for readers to not become confused if you lead with actions.

Rather than writing something like this:

"I don't like this..." Character 1 said. "You don't?" Character 2 asked. "I thought you would be absolutely for this!" Character 3 exclaimed. "He's really changed..." Character 4 said. The reader might assume the wrong person is speaking and then by the time they get to the end of the sentence need to reimagine it with the correct person again.

You can try something like this:

"I don't like this..." Character 1 said. Character 2 furrowed their brow and tilted their head slightly. "You don't?" Character 3 leaned over the table and playfully slapped Character 1's arm. "I thought you would be absolutely for this!" they exclaimed. "He's really changed..." Character 4 said. It's a little bit easier for the reader to know who is speaking quicker. Plus it adds more action and life to the scene.

BUT! using an action at the beginning of every piece of dialogue would also feel awkward. So a mix of text and action could be good.

You don't always have to use your characters evenly

Whenever a question or conversation happens, you don't need to ensure that absolutely everyone has an opinion (unless of course it's a question/conversation that is directly asking for everyone's input).

You can have a small conversation with a few people in the scene. When the conversation changes, the focus can shift to a different group of people - either completely different or with some of the same characters.

Focus on natural conversation rather than using everyone equally.

I prefer to think of it not as lines of dialogue but moments. I want to give everyone/every pairing a moment in the scene. E.g. tell a story, reminisce about their past, joke around, provide their opinion, make others laugh/sad, win a game, etc.

As long as someone isn't just sidelined in the scene. Just because someone has fewer lines in the scene doesn't mean they were inconsequential.

And if a character is not relevant to the conversation because of their history/lack of experience/a million other reasons, then it's also okay that they are simply in the scene but don't play a prominent role.

Split up the group

I'm going to use my 19 character wedding scene as an example. Ghost and Soap walked around the wedding coming across individuals/pairs/groups that logically made sense to be together. They had a unique conversation with a memorable moment then continued to walk around, meeting another group.

It's easier to manage 4ish people speaking than to imagine Ghost and Soap standing in a 19 person circle and talking to everyone. Now writing that as a conversation/scene would be a confusing misery.

Those are a few tips I can think about. But it will never be perfect and there will always be a bit of a mess when writing scenes with a lot of characters so it's best to also embrace that aspect of writing as well 💜