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fandomsandfeminism · 1 year

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Yall wanna hear a kinda funny, kinda sad story about my grandmother and hetero-normativity?

Ok, so... when my grandmother was in her 50s (I was an infant), she met a woman at the Unitarian Church. And, as can happen when you meet your soul mate, this event made it impossible for her to deny parts of herself that she had fiercely hidden her whole life.

All the drama- their affair being found out, the divorce with my grandfather, the court battle over who got the house, happened while I was a baby. Even in my earliest memories, it's just Mama Jo and Oma, and my grandfather lived elsewhere (first his own apartment, then a nursing home, then with us.)

But here's the thing- no one ever explained any of this to me. No one ever sat down and was like "hey, Rosie, so do you know what a lesbian is?" It was the 90s. It was Texas. I think my mom was still kinda processing all this, and just assumed that like... I was gonna figure it out. Don't mention it, let it just be normal. Like I think my mom thought that if she explained the situation, she would be making it weird? I dunno.

But like. In the 90s, in all the movies I had seen and books I had read, do you know how many same sex couples I had seen? Like. 0. Do you know how many "platonic best friend/roommates" I had seen? A lot. I had no context, is what I'm saying.

I literally thought this was a Golden Girls, roommates, besties situation until I was like...I dunno, 11? 12?

It was actually their parrot, an African Grey named Spike, imitating my grandmothers voice saying "Johanna, honey, it's getting late", that triggered the MIND BLOWN moment as I realized that *there's only one master bedroom and it only has 1 waterbed* when all the pieces finally clicked.

Anyway. I think it's a real important thing for kids to know queer people exist, for a lot of reasons, but also because kids can be clueless and it's embarrassing to have your grandmother be outted by a parrot because everyone just thought you'd figure it out on your own.

Anyway, here is my grandma and her wife, my Oma, after they moved to Albuquerque to be artsy gay cowboys and live their best life. They helped run a "Lesbian Dude Ranch" out there (basically just with funding and financial support. As Oma has explained "traditionally, most lesbians don't have a lot of money" so they wrote the checks and let the younger ladies actually run the ranch.)

#this is the grandmother who passed away unexpectedly earlier this month #she was so cool yall #and so weird #they got married twice by the way once when Massachusetts legalized it and once when New Mexico did #they hiked the grand canyon together #they had a european river cruise planned for this fall #she was 89 and she wanted to see the whole world with her wife #and they were working on it #literally i thought they were roommates #and there was only one bed

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bobateaqwq · 14 days

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dabihawks ship template thing bc I got boredd last night .. explaining more under the cut!!!

CW FOR LIGHT SEX TALK!!!!!!!

Big spoon and little spoon: I thinkkk it would be uncomfortable to be held from behind for hawks bc of his wings n stuff, even if he sheds all his feathers. so he tends to like being the big spoon!!! at first dabi would be against being the little spoon bc he thinks it makes him vulnerable and weak or wtv to be held but he does like being held by hawks. he just wants to be held and cared foorrr once he opens up more and their situationship develops more dabi is more open to being the little spoon.

Lends clothes, borrows clothes: hawks doesn't really have his own clothesss I think the commission definitely controls everything all the way down to what he wears. The most he has is sleep clothes, but he usually only ever wears his hero uniform. either way all of his clothes have holes in the back of them, so dabi isnt particularly fond of wearing his shirts LOL. maybe he'll steal a pants or two but other than that yeah dabi don't wear his clothes. I don't think hawks would wear dabis clothes either bc dabis clothes probably stink and they're all ripped HELPP ok so maybe they don't lend each other clothes help…

Pet names vs no pet names: hawks calls dabi dabs... hot stuff, firefly...... dabs... or whatever annoying nickname he can come up with. I think he also just likes calling dabi annoyingly sweet pet names like sweetheart bc it pisses dabi tf off and hawks thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. dabi almost never calls hawks hawks he only ever calls him birdie or birdbrain or heroo or literally anything condescending. hawks never takes it as that way tho no matter how much tries to mean it in a mean way hawks thinks it's just silly and sweet.

introvert and extrovert: this one's obviouuus for dabi at least he hates people... hates EVERYONE!!!! he'd rather stay in solitude and plot his revenge against his father or smmmthh hawks on the other hand was basically trained to deal with the public and overall be a social butterfly. so naturally yeah, hawks is around people and it's not that he doesn't mind being around people. but when his social battery dies out I think he definitely getss ehhh like usually he's good at keeping his silly chill attitude but I think at some point it does get too much and he much rather be alone. when it comes to dabi i think dabi is much more annoying and open and chatty w hawks which ultimately breaks through his sort of bad boy persona and feels more touya. while hawks eventually doesn't bother keeping his public persona up with dabi and just fills the silence hawks provides. it's nice i think they bring out touya and keigo out of each other

affectionate through words or actions: I think they both crave physical touch. growing up hawks was never rlllyyy cared for in the way he needed as a child, same w dabi i think they both just need a hug. I dooo think that they both definitely need words of affirmation from each other, with dabi growing up not feeling good enough or wtv and hawks growing up into believing he wasnt even his own person. but they both suck at it and they struggle to express how they feel for each other so I think they much rather show their care towards actions. for example hawks showing up to his and dabi's meets with extra take out to share with dabi and let him stay over, or dabi would help hawks preen his wings and hawks will sometimes wake up to breakfast or WHATEVER IDK but yeah. i think doing stuff for the other person makes them feel less vulnerable.

confessing first, or waits for confession: they don't confess. end of story. LOL. in boba yaoi world dabi doesn't die yaayyy and he's put through this whole rehabilitation process yada yada but eventually they confront each other after not seeing each other ever since dabi burned hawks' wings. whenn it comes to confrontation dabi is very good at pointing out hawks' bs and such but he struggles with opening about his own...feelings n stuff I guess while hawks has a hard time with confrontation in general. i think hes constantly deflecting dabi's jabs n stuff or wtv but errmm IDK. hawks never knows what to say during confrontations since he needs time to really... think about it and carefully calculate his words. normally he's good when it comes to making up stufff or reacting quickly I guess but when it comes to his ACTUAL feelings. to KEIGOS feelings and not hawks' then he's like.... he blanks... he doesn't know how to think for himself whooopppsss

screams about bugs, squashes with shoe: ok the more i think about it the more i think dabi would just squash the bug w no mercyyy and hawks would be more reluctant... i think neither of them are scared of bugs since dabi literally grew up in filth for most of his life and hawks just... isnt scared of them... dabis had to deal with insects all the time when he was homeless so he's just like... Done w them. IDK it's silly it's goofy theyre stupid

drives car. can't drive: dabi can't drive. period. he doesn't know how, if he were to, he'd fucking crash the car into anything in his way. shitty driver, never learned, never got his license, nothin!!! hawks on the other hand doooess knowww how to drivveeee but he doesn't like to. he flies everywhere, doesn't like driving bc he can't fit his wings in them and when he hates shedding his feathers just to fit in it bc it makes him feel all too VULNERABLE. and UNGUARDED!!!! so yeah he doesnt like to drive but he can. i think hes a crazy driver tho like with being the second fastest hero in japan hes like used to going super fast so he like drives so fucking fast bro ... other speed limit... takes sharp turns, stops abruptly, and overall he's freaking crazy. I think dabi also gets motion sickness so he hates riding with hawks HAHA hawks likes to carry him and fly anyway.... dabi hates it ....

can't cook for shit, makes dinner!: hawks dont know how to cook. his fridge is filled with expired foods. he only ever eats what the commission gives him bc they control his diet, and he's not really a picky eater. he also just never has time to cook sooooo yeah he doesn't have a lot of home cooked meals. but then dabi comes in and he's had to learn how to do things for himself almost all his life so he definitely knows how to cook at least a lil. he clears out hawks fridge after he basically hangs out in his apartment and sometimes he decides to cook breakfast after hawks let's him sleep over ....... he likes to cook for hawks... secretly tho. if hawks ever brings it up he won't cook for him again for like a few weeks.

pda yes or no: hawks likes to show dabi off. in boba yaoi world where dabi doesnt die and instead goes through rehabilitation process and him and hawks start over as keigo and touya yada yada yada hawks LOVES to show dabi off... he'll be like yes!!! that's my boyfriend!!!!! giving him kisses n everything... dabi hates it. ok he doesn't hate it he does enjoy the attention and does enjoy being shown off but hes just sooo not used to experiencing like .... attention. not used to being pecked on the cheek outta no where, not used to being touched really. i think it's the same for hawks hes not used to physical contact but he deals w it differently in a way where he tries to do it MORE u know. but pre-war during their situationship era umm i think dabi still doesn't like it, and tells hawks to stop doing it until post-war. but even then situationship era they werent very pda anyway, so ya.

overprotective vs chill goin: i think they're both a bit possessive over each other. they both grew up without nothing, dabi more physically and hawks more emotionally. dabi grew up (orrr u know after his coma or wtvvv) living on the streets, used to not having anything nice ever in his life. even before, after enji deemed him unworthy touya got nothin. hawks grew up without having anything that was ever HIS. everything he's ever done or taught or grown up to do was all the commission. all his decisions were under the commission's influence. but hawks and dabi were each other's first thing to want for themselves, to HAVE for themselves. hawks also just instinctively becomes more possessive over dabi, w all his weird ass mate callings n stuff. and i think dabi just yearns for attention and hawks or whatever idk hawks was the first good thing that was ever in his reach, so dabi latched onto it very very quickly.

relationship experience or no relationship experience: they have. absolutely. zero. maybe dabi's had a fewwww hookups every now and then, but very very scarce since no one wants to be sleeping w a villainn!! and also bc he doesn't find use in finding someone since he's sooo dead set on plotting revenge against his father. the reason why hawks is different in this case bc he never meant to involve himself in something romantic w hawks, it just... happened. with hawks ermm i think the commission wouldn't allow him to date at alllll they wanna keep his personal life a minimummm they don't treat him like his own person. i think hes slept w ppl before but only bc it benefited the commission or smth IDK SMTH MESSED UP LIKE THAT yeah idk they dont know how to be good to each other relationship was nor how to properly navigate it. post-war they try though. they try for each other. SIGHHH I HATE THEMMM

horny level: idk. the reason why they start talking more is bc they hook up while exchanging info LOLL there's so much sexual tension between them it's CRAZY. I thinkkk sex is like a super important to their dynamic funny enough bc they begin to trust each other a lot more through it I guess. they need to blow off steam and theyre both weirdly attractive to each other. they match each other's freak!! yes!!! they are switches and i stanndd byyy thisss I dont think they have dom sub undertones i HATE when ppl make hawks a twinky sub stop it leave him alone. dabi's a pillow princess. putting this out there. LOL OK BUT SRSLY I think bottoming for dabi is just smth soooo vulnerable for him that when he eventually lets hawks do it it makes him trust him so much more bc hawks is SO so gentle w him like... idk how to explain it. it just makes sense in my head.

awkwardness level: dabi is one awkward freaking motherfucker. bro grew up alone in filth w the only thing driving him was his hatred for his father. past all the assholey and psycho behavior, he's just sooo freaking awkward. he's a loser. a lameo. he don't know how to speak!!!!! he also just hates people so yay. hawkss on the other hand was raised to know how to deal w the public. raised to interact easily w other pro heros and civilians, raised to be overall super chill and know how to talk to interviewers. hawks is good at talking to people, he knows what to say and when to say it to sweet talk his way into things. so for the most part hawks is never really awkward. keigo, on the other hand is def a tad bit more awkward. of course he's definitely still good at talking n all that bc u can't erase over two decades of training and practicing properly talking to people, but keigo is juusttt he's a lil less hawks. hes more unfiltered, not aiming to please everyone anymore. he lets himself feel other emotions, just lets himself relax n not be on guard all the time.

jealous level: with hawks bird half n all that comes lots of possessive traits... all his weird MATE instincts UGHHH. WEIRDO!!!!!! but yeah I think it just makes him a wee more protective over dabi in the sense that "he's mine!!! my bf!!!!!! go away!!!!!!!" but other than that he's not rlly jealous at all. he's very chill. very yas. DABI ON THE OTHER HAANNNDDD ohhohoohoho ok. like i said b4 hawks is literally the only good thing he's ever gotten to call his. during situationship era he's so fucking jealous bro bc people arent even supposed to know about their secret situationship thing. hawks can walk around w people fawning over him bc they don't knowww of what goes on between him and dabi. dabi HATES it bc hawks is a very popular hero with a shit ton of fans and fangirls and fanboys and whatever and dabi thinks it's the most aggravating thing in the WORLD. but post-war when they make it official dabi shows him tf off. like very subtly tho. in public he'll snake an arm around hawks' waist when fans are around ... or he'll glare at fangirls who get too close n all that IDK he's very jealous bratty silly billy. hawks treats him like a princess.

OKAYYY THATS IT. I did not intend on saying this much LOLLL goes to show how freaking crazy dabihawks is making me and how yaoi is RUINING MY LIFE. okay thanks for reading if u actually read this farr I lovee dabihawkksss okay bye

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