#so feel free to correct me if i'm wrong on something

[zodarii-dae]

this idea has been rotating in my brain for weeks but i just now finished it. so here you go.

we all know how the winners all have a celestial body. grian is the sun, scott is the stars (i honestly think it would fit better with the rest of this if he was one specific star or even constellation but that's a post for another day), pearl is the moon, and martyn is neptune (i've seen people put him as mars but cmon guys. he's a mean gill. he's gotta be the planet named for the god of the sea). that's all well and good.

but what if we assigned stuff to the rest of the people in the top three?

second place are plants. they get the light from the sky, but haven't quite reached the heavens.

scar is a purple hyacinth. i chose these for a couple reasons; the first being the greek myth. in the myth, apollo kills his lover, hyacinthus, with a discus, and turned his blood into the flower. (there's a bit more to it than that, so i recommend reading up on it!). i chose purple both as a reference to the lilacs he gave grian, and because purple hyacinths mean seeking forgiveness.

ren is red ivy. ivy represents devotion and loyalty, which i think fits him really well. i chose red as both a reference to the red king, and a nod to the red mushrooms that grew around the fairy fort.

scott is a laurel tree. i was thinking about the myth of daphne, who turned into a laurel tree running away from apollo (damn, two apollo myths in one post?), who was trying to get with her. laurels are a symbol of victory, so they're also a reference to him being a winner.

impulse is a forget-me-not. forget-me-nots represent respect, and a promise to remember someone. they're also the color of the sky, which is a nod to skynet.

third place are rocks and stones. hidden below the earth, so close yet so far from the light of the sky.

bdubs is blue sandstone. it looks like the night sky, the way the face of the clock did. he betrayed impulse for scar, who lived in the sandlands.

martyn is amethyst. the purple color is the one most associated with the watchers, and this game is where all the watcher lore really starts. it's also used for spyglasses, which were the southlands symbol.

martyn is also rubellite. not much to say on this one, the color just reminds me of his bleeding heart.

scott is serpentine. it's commonly found in ocean ridges, and scott was of course a mean gill. it's also green, like seaweed, and scott was one of the last greens.

idk i just think that in a series so associated with the number three, we should give a bit more attention to the last three instead of the last one. (1st green, 2nd yellow, 3rd red would be such a cool idea for fanart! cmon guys!)

[keiicom]

Yjh things the Webtoon 'forgot' to mention or to point out bc they hate novel yjh

Warning for vague webtoon spoilers ig?? No spoilery names are named and no unreleased scenarios are mentioned/specified btw but I thought I'd add this warning just in case :)

He waited three days on the bridge for kdj to resurface after he dropped him in the Ichytosaurs mouth. Just. Waited there.

He smiles when Kdj tries his food and says it's good (it's more like a tiny smug smile tbh)

He is a WORRIER. Man worries about everything, but sucks at expressing it through actions bc that's when he's most easily misunderstood. It is EXTREMELY easy to misunderstand his actions unless the other characters ask him what he's doing and why [after he explains, he turns out to be actually really thoughtful tbh]

When he tells 41st round shin yoosung to "quit her blabbering"...he wasn't that harsh in the novel. The line was changed (still don't know why) but originally he said something about not having enough time, and wasn't a complete asshole.

Also during that same arc/scene it was revealed that he woke her up because he genuinely didn't think she'd attack him/be mad at him iirc, so it wasn't him being stupid, just somewhat naive

When Iris called KDJ ugly he actually stepped forward and intimidated her by glaring so she'd stop talking :) because he sensed fighting spirit in her and he decided to react lmao

His eyebrow moves similarly to a caterpillar when he's about to make an important decision (note: kdj points this out in the novel because he's always staring at yjh I swear to god there's proof)

Yjh puts on a 'cool' face when he's been caught or called out after trying to be sneaky (he's SO BAD at being sneaky istg I love this man so much)

He sometimes uses his skills for stupid and petty shit *said lovingly with heart eyes*

He's more likely to give someone/an NPC a quick death than to make them suffer until they die

He always goes along with KDJ's plans, even though Kdj barely tells him ANYTHING about them ever 😭 He glares but still goes along with them I NEED Y'ALL TO UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS- /lh

He drags his sword on the ground when he's happy/satisfied with something, or generally in a good mood. Also Loves to clean his sword (I think the webtoon added a scene of him cleaning the sword like. once)

He loves his sister more than anything (we haven't seen a lot of scenes with yoo mia AND yjh in the webtoon yet but I have high expectations for those knowing how much he adores her in the novel)

Mans RUNS to help every time kdj is in danger, unless he genuinely thinks kdj 1) can handle the situation himself or 2) deserves the punishment

He has MONOLOGUES in his head even though he only ever says like two sentences thakrhsjfjb, and is very eloquent when given the chance to explain his thought process/reasoning

[which kdj rarely lets him do. bc he's hellbent on doing the talking and most other characters don't expect yjh to talk anyway]

The hand holding scene that was turned into a weird wrist holding scene? Yes originally they held hands (he wasn't as angry then either)

He's a serial texter and will spam message people

He loves dumplings

He gets jealous when other people monopolize Dokja's attention for too long (also canon, ex: Sangah, [redacted 1], sometimes han sooyoung, [redacted 2], [redacted 3] 💀 and WILL glare at Kdj or demand answers depending on how severe the transgression is)

He's tired. So, so tired.

HE CAN LAUGH

he doesn't let Han Sooyoung live out of pride/not wanting to lose to kdj (???? what even was that). he lets her live because he doesn't want kdj to think poorly of him / alternatively he doesn't want to lose him as an ally. Not everything is about pride with him 🫠

he looks embarrassed after hearing yoo mia tell him he looks "happy when you talk about [kdj]". the narration also gives her statement some credibility, because "she knows him well since she's his sister". but of course they made him look angry instead of embarrassed 🙄 bc god forbid he shows any other facial expression ever

He's nosy (again: said lovingly with heart eyes). You'll notice how even when he pretends not to care, he'll still stick around to see how things develop/gather info on 'important' stuff. If he's not interested, he'll just leave, bc he's the kind of guy to just do that. So if he doesn't leave, even if he's pretending not to care... you see where I'm going with this

He has a sense of humor, believe it or not (though most of the time he's hilarious without meaning to)

When [redacted] asked yoo joonghyuk what his deal was with kdj and why he wanted him in his group he said "kdj is necessary for this world. I need him." but webtoon decided to skip that line 🫠

Yjh says "I guess your mother doesn't like me" instead of this "like mother like son" bullshit, because the second one implies dokja doesn't like him. which couldn't be farther from the truth

I'd add more but the rest is spoilers fhajhrjeka so yeah I'll just wait to see what webtoon does first and I'll update this as they go

[canisalbus]

I just recently started following you so i don't have the full lore of your murderous gay religiously traumatized doggos, BUT, from my understanding, they are Italian and i don't know what part of Italy they are from, yet i can't help headcanoning Vasco as Tuscan, while Machete is probably from some part of Veneto. And as an Italian who has heard Tuscans and Veneto dialet, well it's an hilarious mental image.

Vasco is indeed Tuscan, Florentine to be specific. He comes from a wealthy and influential noble family that has lived in Florence for centuries. He's proud of his roots, and it's usually easy for strangers to tell where he's from. He's a resonably successful politician and has worked as an ambassador and representative of Florence on numerous occasions.

Machete is originally Sicilian (ironically about as far from Veneto as possible), although he was taken to mainland at young age and has lived in several places since then, before ending up in Rome. The way I see it, he exhibits very little local color, his demeanor and (even though Italian hadn't become a standardized language yet) way of speaking are formal, neutral and scarcely give away any hints about his personal history, at least in the 16th century canon.

[nervoustragedyluminary]

"no don't transition! please stay a dysphoric teenage 'girl' forever that's when you're most attractive to me! " 🤢 like SOMEONE is acting predatory here and it's not trans people 🤦

[ravendruid]

Be In My Eyes - Chapter 29

You can read the previous chapters here or on AO3. Happy belated Valentine's day <3 (I promise I didn't plan this!) Summary: Time to dress up for Keyleth's date with Vax.

The week rushed by like rapids, especially when, on Miresen morning, every single one of Keyleth’s teachers reminded their classes that the clock announcing finals had officially begun ticking. One month. Keyleth had one month to prepare for what she assumed would be the worst week of her college life. She could only hope her teachers took pity on the first years. By that evening, Keyleth had a meticulously developed study schedule, color-coded by class, to help her organize her time. Would she be able to keep up with it, though? She had to. The last thing she wanted was to fail a class and have to repeat it next year. She decided to try out the schedule that week, rotating between the library and the quiet apartment and inviting her roommates to study with her—which Vax’ildan almost always gladly accepted. 

The exception happened in the middle of the week. Although the holiday itself wasn’t widely celebrated in Emon, the Night of Ascension was still a holiday for those who celebrated, so the University had given them the day off classes. That day, Keyleth, Percy and Pike decided to occupy a table at their favorite café, staving off the snow that fell outside with steaming cups of hot cocoa. She had asked the twins to join them, but Vax had explained to Keyleth, alone in his bedroom as he bundled up with the hoodie Keyleth loved so much and a thick woolen scarf that had seen better days, that he and Vex’ahlia had a tradition to pay homage to their mother during the holiday, so they would be going to the nearest temple to make an offering, and then go out for a meal and celebrate their memories of Elaina (Vax had finally shared his mother’s name with her). Keyleth pondered asking to join them and do the same for her mother, but she figured that it was something the twins preferred to stay between just them. Besides, neither she nor her mother were particularly given to deities.

But the week rushed by nonetheless, and on Folsen evening, when Keyleth opened the fridge and saw a container with freshly made soup and a sticky note from Vax (I hope this helps you stay warm), the girl was ready to put on a pair of fuzzy socks, her warmest pajama and curl into a ball on the armchair and read until her eyelids drooped. Alas, her dream was interrupted by footsteps walking down the corridor as Keyleth removed the steaming bowl from the microwave.

“Oh. Hi Kiki,” Vax greeted. He was wearing a new long-sleeve pajama shirt (black, as usual), a pair of black sweatpants, and his hair was braided away from his face—it was about time that he heed not only Vex’s but also Keyleth’s advice about braiding his hair before bed.

“Hi, Vax. Thank you for the soup,” Keyleth nodded in gratitude. She sat at the kitchen table and started to eat. Vax joined her, sitting on the chair in front of hers, elbows on the table and resting his chin on his hand.

“How were classes?”

“Exhausting.”

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Vax asked smugly. Keylth looked at him confused, then remembered they were going out… on a date. “Please don’t tell me you forgot about our date?” Vax asked, outraged, seeing the look of realization on her face.

“No... I—I’m sorry.” Keyleth apologized, embarrassed. Vax merely laughed and shook his head. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Oh. What should I wear?” Keyleth asked, trying to get any possible clue from him.

“Something comfortable and warm.” The answer didn’t reveal anything substantial.

“What time are we leaving?” Keyleth tried another route.

“Do you think eight is too early?” Keyleth shook her head. She was used to waking up early, even during the weekends, so it wouldn’t make a difference in her schedule. “Then, we need to leave the apartment at 8:30.”

“Why so early?” Keyleth asked, finishing her soup.

“It’s a bit far and we need to take transportation. It’s going to be a whole day thing, so you might want to clear your schedule.”

Somewhere so far away that they needed to take an early transportation, that would last the entire day, and that she needed to bring warm, comfortable clothes? Where the hell was Vax taking her? “Should I bring anything special? Food? Entertainment?” Keyleth pushed further.

“We can make some sandwiches and bring snacks for the day. Water, too. As for entertainment, that’s what I’m there for, right?” Vax winked. Keyleth blushed and giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I’m sure you will,” She teased. Vax slapped the table softly and grabbed her empty bowl. Keyleth got to her feet, wanting to stop him, but he waved his hand at her in dismissal and washed her dishes for her. Keyleth couldn’t stop herself from biting her lip at how caring Vax was to her. He had made her dinner, kept her company while she ate—even though he looked like he had been ready to go to sleep—and washed her dishes afterward. I don’t deserve someone so good like him.

“You should go to sleep,” Vax said to her, wiping his hands on the towel. He approached Keyleth and kissed her forehead before he turned to the hallway leading to the bedrooms. “I’ll see you first thing in the morning, Kiki,” he said and disappeared towards his bedroom. Keyleth stood in the kitchen, watching Vax walk away. Only when his bedroom door shut behind him did Keyleth release the longing sigh she had been holding and grabbed her bag to head to bed. Keyleth thought she was going to have trouble sleeping due to anxiety, so the faster she went to bed, the sooner she would fall asleep. However, Keyleth wasn’t expecting the fluttering of butterflies in her stomach, a sensation that seemed to calm her more than agitate her, so she fell asleep as soon as her head hit her pillow.

—

By the time Keyleth walked into the kitchen the next morning (her personal backpack open in front of her in preparation to get stuffed with snacks), Vax’ildan was already at the stove, stirring eggs and plopping two slices of bread in the toaster. On the island sat an evidently larger backpack—a camping backpack—seemingly full and ready to go. Keyleth stumbled on her feet, coming to an abrupt stop as she gawked at Vax’s bag, then at hers, so small in her hands. She didn’t have time to say anything because Vax was already smiling at her and greeting her. 

“What’s that?” Keyleth asked, all manners forgotten.

“Our stuff for today.”

“That looks—”

“Heavy? Don’t worry. It’s mostly light items. I made a few sandwiches, packed snacks, water and a thermos with peppermint tea.” Vax said nonchalantly, dividing the eggs between two plates. “Don’t worry, I added a lot of honey to the tea,” He added, seeing Keyleth’s stunned face. 

Vax set the plates with scrambled eggs and toast on the table and returned to grab two mugs of coffee. Keyleth finally set her backpack down—now completely useless—and sat at the table. They ate in silence, Keyleth avoiding looking at Vax too much, and then she left him to do the dishes while she returned to her bedroom to finish getting dressed. 

They left the apartment at exactly 8:30—like Vax had planned—after Keyleth replaced her small backpack for her regular knitted crossbody purse with just her personal belongings. Since the sun was shining bright and warm in the clear, blue sky, Keyleth left her thickest jacket behind in exchange for a crochet cardigan with sunflowers covering a beige high-neck shirt and a crochet dark green skirt. She pondered wearing pants for a moment, but then she found a pair of thick winter tights, and her problem of wanting to look cute and fight off the cold was easily solved. Meanwhile, Vax was–well… Vax (still incredibly hot, as usual, nonetheless). He wore his regular black, ripped pants, leather jacket and boots. The only difference was that he had replaced his band and graphic t-shirt for a seemingly brand new plain black high-neck shirt, so tight that Keyleth had held her breath when she first saw him before he put on and buttoned his jacket. 

They took a bus not far from campus, mostly filled with old ladies who gave the pair a weird look—which Keyleth knew was due to her overall sunshine personality, Vax’s dark and broody appearance and the camping backpack he carried—and they sat in the empty back, Vax setting the packed bag between his legs. They stayed in silence for a while, watching the city pass by slowly. People walked on the sidewalks, bundled up in their snow coats and scarves, couples held hands and stopped to watch the shop windows, and children threw balls and built snowmen in the park they passed by, much like what Keyleth and her friends had done a few weeks before, and which, eventually, led to her being in that empty bus, sitting so close to her crush—more than that, actually—that she could practically hear his heart beating in his chest.

“It’s such a nice day,” Keyleth said, more to herself than to him. Vax hummed. His hand found hers on her lap and he took it, intertwining his fingers with hers. Keyleth still looked out the window, now more to try to hide the blush in her cheeks at the gesture. Vax had been so touchy since last weekend… since he shared so much of his life with her. It was like he couldn’t bear to not touch Keyleth, as if her skin on his calmed him. Keyleth wasn’t complaining. She loved every touch, every chill down her spine, every kernel of warmth and softness that emanated from Vax, and she never wanted it to end.

“Is this the part where you kidnap me?” Keyleth asked twenty minutes later when the city landscape outside had given room to large fields and forests. They had officially been out of the city limits for five minutes, and she still didn’t know where Vax was taking her.

“What if it is?” Vax teased, wiggling his eyebrows and smiling mischievously at her.

“Then I regret to inform you that my father will not yield to any ransom requests. Unless you would like a chicken or two in exchange for giving me back.”

Vax snorted and brought her hands to his lips. He kissed each knuckle softly and then said, “I doubt your father wouldn’t give all the money in the world to have you back, Kiki.”

Keyleth wasn’t sure if the heat in her cheeks was because of his gesture of the implication that Vax knew her father loved her so much he would ruin his finances for her.

“Our exit is coming up,” Vax announced, releasing the grasp in her hand and getting to his feet. Keyleth followed him down the aisle, and when the bus stopped in the middle of nowhere, where the only sign of it being a bust stop was a single pole with a hanging sign, Vax gestured for Keyleth to descend before him, following her as he shouldered the backpack. 

“Now I’m really concerned,” Keyleth said, looking around. They were surrounded by tall trees on a single road with practically no traffic. She had no idea where they were in regards to the city proper, but it was clear they were somewhere remote. 

“Do you trust me?” Vax asked, extending his hand to her. Keyleth’s answer was weaving her fingers through his and walking by his side in silence. 

During their short walk parallel to the road the bus had taken, Keyleth glanced sideways at Vax, who looked relaxed and smiled so brightly he could supply enough energy for a small town. His mood was contagious, and soon Keyleth found herself relaxing and smiling as well, walking hand-in-hand with him down the sidewalk and then up a smaller road.

“No way,” Keyleth exclaimed as they reached an ornate iron gate connected to rock pillars. Above it, high enough where a tall van could cross without touching it, was an iron sign that said Emon Botanical Gardens. Keyleth couldn’t hold her joy at the sight of it, and neither could Vax, apparently, because he was shaking with excitement at her reaction, grinning brightly at her, eyes shining like ambers. 

Keyleth squealed in delight as they approached the portico, where a woman waited at the ticket booth. Vax stepped ahead of her and exchanged a few words with the woman that Keyleth couldn’t hear—although, from the look of it, they were familiar with each other—and then signaled her to the barriers that opened on their own accord.

“What?” Keyleth asked, surprised, crossing it behind Vax. 

“Students don’t pay entrance,” Vax explained.

“Do you come here often?” Keyleth asked as he walked towards a large wooden board with the map of the park. She stopped abruptly in front of it, gaping with an open mouth at how large the area was. 

“Vex and I came here often when we needed a break from the chaos of the city,” Vax explained, picking a pamphlet from the holder. “It’s really peaceful. Here,” He handed Keyleth the pamphlet. She opened it to see a smaller-scale map of the park on one side and short descriptions of what the park contained on the other side.

“This park is huge. We’re not going to be able to see it all today,” Keyleth pointed out, noting all the smaller flower gardens, the several ponds and fountains, the orchard and forests of different kinds of trees. “There’s a waterfall?” She asked, not really expecting an answer. “And a butterfly garden!” Her excitement turned up a notch if it was even possible. Keyleth loved butterflies.

“Where would you like to start?” Vax asked, smiling at her. Keyleth pointed at the greenhouse not far from there, and he nodded. He let her lead the way, even though he probably knew the garden so well that he didn’t need a map anymore. 

The greenhouse spawned over a long distance, covering plants from all regions in Exandria, from flowering cacti of the Marquesian deserts to blooming flowers of the Zemni Fields and even a few darker, mysterious flora from the distant lands of Xhorhas. No matter where Keyleth looked, she was welcomed with fragrant scents, a rainbow of colors, and a whole new universe she wanted to explore until the end of her days. She took several minutes to photograph flowers and plants she had never seen before and write notes on the notebook app on her phone, setting up a mental note to return with her camera and a proper notebook. When Keyleth finally uncoiled from where she had been squatting for ten minutes, photographing and copying information from the small description sign next to a bloom of snowdrops, Vax coughed to get her attention. Keyleth’s head snapped in his direction. She had completely forgotten why and who she was there with, so a blush spread on her cheeks as she apologized to Vax bashfully.

“It’s okay. It’s adorable.” He brushed it off, holding out his hand for her to take. Keyleth grabbed it, looking at Vax inquisitively. “Let’s go. I have a surprise,” Vax said, pulling Keyleth with him.

They exited the greenhouse through a side door onto a gravel path. Keyleth’s excitement built up quickly once she saw the first signs pointing in the direction they were going, saying Butterfly House. She found it weird that the butterfly house would be open in the winter since she hadn’t read anything about it in the pamphlet, but maybe it was climate-controlled so they could have viewings year-round. However, Keyleth’s excitement and hope died a little when their path was closed by a barrier, where a note hung from the middle: “We regret to inform the butterfly house is closed until further notice.”

“Vax, what are you doing?” Keyleth asked as Vax transposed the barrier and held out his hand for her. “It’s closed.”

“I know. Trust me,” Vax said. Keyleth followed him down the last of the gravel path and then onto a smaller side path that led to the back of the building. She had no idea where Vax was taking her, but Keyleth trusted him with her life, so she followed as he squeezed her hand tighter in his grip.

“Hello there,” A man greeted the pair when they turned a corner. Keyleth came to an abrupt stop behind Vax, bumping against his back. Shit, we’re screwed, Keyleth thought, knowing they were trespassing.

“Hey!” Vax greeted the man back. He let go of Keyleth’s hand and dropped his backpack on the floor next to the door she realized the man was holding open. Vax then walked towards the man and hugged him tightly. Keyleth finally took a good look at him. He was smiling kindly at them, crow’s feet around his eyes. He seemed to be in his early forties, perhaps, with sun-dappled skin, wild and crazy-looking dark hair, and a black beard streaked with gray, neatly kept in two braids. 

“Is this the lady I’ve been hearing so much about?” The man asked Vax, looking around his shoulder to Keyleth with an even fonder smile. Vax laughed and nodded. He extended his hand to call Keyleth over, wiggling his fingers.

“This is Keyleth,” Vax introduced when she laced her fingers with his. Up close, Keyleth could see the man’s glowing blue eyes and all the signs of someone who had a happy life, even if labored. “Keyleth,” Vax continued, pointing at the man, “This is Kerrek.”

“Kerr is fine,” The man said, extending his hand. Keyleth took it. The handshake was strong but soft at the same time as if Kerrek was holding back on her. His hands were calloused, and there was some dirt under his fingernails, confirming the hard labor Keyleth assumed he did.

“Nice to meet you, Kerr,” Keyleth said politely. Vax had never mentioned him, yet the man seemed to have heard about her. She tucked the information in a mental file to ask Vax later.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Vax asked, nodding at the building. The man nodded and replied with a wink, “Go ahead lovebirds.”

Keyleth blushed, but Vax chuckled. He looked at her nervously and pulled her inside the building with him, the door closing behind them. The temperature changed immediately, and Keyleth was forced to discard her cardigan with Vax’s leather jacket, leaving them on a bench by the door, and pulled the long sleeves of her shirt up to her elbows. She then followed Vax down a dimly lit hallway to a second door. 

“Ready?” Vax asked her. Keyleth swallowed hard and nodded. 

Keyleth wasn’t sure what she expected, but walking into a brightly lit, hot and humid jungle was not it. The roof was a domed glass that let the bright winter light in without any of the cold, and everywhere Keyleth looked was covered with trees and plants, vines and moss. Once again, she allowed Vax to guide her down the tiled path until they came to a rounded room fully enclosed in class. In the center, a stone bench acted as a barrier to flowers and greenery, and around them—

“Oh. My. Gods.” Keyleth whispered, still not believing what she was seeing.

Butterflies—dozens and dozens of butterflies—flew everywhere, from branch to branch, between flowers and vines, up on the glass ceiling and around the walls. Vax led Keyleth into the middle of the room with a soft hand on the small of her back, stopping by the stone bench. Keyleth spun slowly in place, noting every color, wing shape, and different type of butterfly.

“You might want to close your mouth before a butterfly flies in,” Vax teased. Keyleth snapped her mouth shut but didn’t look at him, still mesmerized by the display.

“Vax, this is—” She stopped herself. A small swarm of five butterflies dove to her and landed on her hair and outstretched arm. Keyleth swallowed a squeal of delight as she turned to face Vax and brought a beautiful blue-winged butterfly between them.

“That’s a morpho peleides,” Vax offered. Keyleth nodded, still awestruck.

“Their wings aren’t actually blue, but—”

“Iridescent, yes. It’s caused by a diffraction of the light from the—”

“Tiny scales on its wings.” Keyleth finished. She looked up at him, surprised that he knew about it.

“I’ve been coming here for a few years. I’ve learned a lot about them,” He explained coyly. Keyleth swallowed, feeling a wave of warmth flow down her body. The butterfly beat its wings and took off to a high branch. Keyleth followed it with her gaze. 

“It’s beautiful,” She whispered, still looking at the emperor on the other side of the room.

“You’re beautiful, Keyleth,” Vax whispered back. She whipped her head back to him, only to realize he was so close to her that their breaths mingled with each other. Vax brought a hand up to cup her cheek and leaned in, making Keyleth’s stomach jump.

Oh gods, is this happening?

“Can I kiss you?” He asked. Yes. Yes! A million times, yes!

“Please—” She practically begged.

Time stopped, or maybe it was Keyleth’s heart that stopped. Something stopped, for sure. Keyleth’s eyes drifted closed, and she surrendered herself to the warmth of Vax’s hand on her face and the firm hold on her waist as his lips touched hers. The kiss started soft and tentative. As if Vax was scared. Keyleth’s hands slid up Vax’s chest to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer. The kiss deepened, full of longing and something else Keyleth’s brain could not decipher in that moment. Some time passed, although Keyleth couldn’t tell if it had been seconds, minutes, or days. But eventually, Vax broke the kiss, his piercing gaze on hers, assessing her. Keyleth smiled against his lips, willing her heart to stop beating so fast. Vax opened his mouth to say something, but Keyleth shushed him before he could utter a word by kissing him again.

Keyleth poured all the intensity of her need for Vax into the kiss. Although she had no idea what she was doing, she had read quite a few romance books, so she pulled all that knowledge off the pages and kissed Vax passionately. When her tongue brushed against his lip, Vax opened to allow her in, the hand on her face lowering to join the other on the small of her back, pulling her harder against him. Keyleth could feel every inch of Vax’s body, her tongue thoroughly exploring his mouth until it met his tongue and started a dance she didn’t know the steps for. Keyleth stopped leading, then, and started following Vax’s experienced instructions. The heat on her body was overpowering, but it was Keyleth’s happiness that screamed the loudest in her ears, together with the thrumming beating of her heart. 

When they finally pulled apart—when Vax pulled apart—they were both panting, eyes wide as saucers fixed on each other, and smiling. Keyleth willed her lungs to work faster and reminded her heart to slow down, lest she pass out from sheer emotion. Her legs were trembling like reeds on a storm, and if it weren’t for Vax’s firm hold on her, Keyleth would surely fall to her knees in front of him.

“That was—” Vax tried, but his breath was still ragged. Keyleth chuckled and nodded, rubbing her nose against his. Their breaths were warm and sweet like a summer night, Vax’s kiss-swollen lips so, so inviting. Tempting. “Gods, Kiki. You’re—” Vax didn’t finish. He leaned his brow against Keyleth with closed eyes and breathed slowly. Keyleth did the same, following his lead once again. He smelled so good and felt so warm and cozy, just like home. “You’re going to be the death of me, Keyleth.”

“I’m sorry,” Keyleth giggled. Vax kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” She confessed.

“Me too.” Vax tugged at the fabric of her shirt on the small of her back, twisting and turning the hem between his fingers. Keyleth gave him a questioning look that made him swallow nervously. Finally, after taking a long breath that puffed against Keyleth’s lips, Vax said, “Kiki, you know I’m in love with you, right?”

Oh. Keyleth’s heart almost leaped out of her chest. It was one thing to feel the love Vax didn’t hide from her, and a completely different thing to hear him say it (like actually say it). Keyleth let her hands slide down from his shoulders and splay on his chest. The jack-rabbit beating of Vax’s heart on Keyleth’s palm made her smile softly as she spoke, “I know. And I–I think I feel the same way.”

“You think?” Vax asked. His tone wasn’t mocking but uncertain. 

“I’m scared,” Keyleth admitted, at last, the feeling she had been trying to repress for a while. “I’ve never felt this way for anyone before and it’s so scary.”

“I know,” Vax replied. His thumbs rubbed tight, reassuring circles on Keyleth’s back.

“My dad was so devastated when my mom died. I—I‘ve never wanted to feel that, or worse… make someone feel like that. I–” Keyleth hesitated. 

“Yes?”

“I never thought I would have what they had. I never thought someone was going to fall for me, or that I would fall for anyone. I promised myself when I was young that I would never fall in love and yet…”

Vax smiled. He rubbed the tip of his nose on Keyleth’s and said, “I understand completely. You know about my father. I don’t have the best examples of what a loving relationship is. I never thought I would ever find happiness in my life, much less something so pure as love. We don’t have to be in a relationship, Kiki, but if you’ll have me, I’m yours.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to be with someone… yet.”

“That’s okay. I’ll wait as long as it takes,” Vax brushed a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear. Keyleth smiled fondly at him, basking in the feel of his touch, but her smile faltered as she asked him a question she had been dreading.

“And what if I’m never ready?” Knowing that Vax’s answer could mend or break their future was enough to send her spiraling, so Keyleth closed her fists on his shirt, keeping her aloft, keeping her mind steady and grounded.

“Then I’ll always be here as your friend. I’ll only take what you want to give, Kiki. Never more than that.”

“You would stay?” She asked, her voice wavering. 

“Of course. I’m not going anywhere, Keeks.” Vax replied, kissing her forehead. Keyleth slumped into his embrace, sliding her arms under his armpits and holding tightly. She waited for the first signs of the imminent panic attack to retreat down to her stomach and vanish. Only then did she uncoil to her feet, releasing Vax completely, and smiled. 

“Thank you for understanding.”

“You’re very important to me.” Vax pulled away, but instead of completely letting go of Keyleth, he twinned his fingers with hers and asked, “Are you ready to head back into the cold with me?” 

Keyleth nodded and allowed him to pull her with him, retracing their steps to the back door, where they put their jackets back on and Vax slung his bag back on his shoulders. Kerr was still waiting outside, moving crates and boxes when they exited. He turned to Vax and Keyleth with a fond smile, dropped a box on the ground and walked to pat Vax’s back.

“Make sure you and your sister come over for dinner soon, will you? You’re welcome too, Keyleth.” Kerr added, turning to Keyleth. 

“Oh. Thank you for the invitation.”

“I’ll talk to Stubby and let her know,” Vax replied.

“It was nice meeting you, Keyleth.” Kerr extended his hand. Keyleth took it again, shaking it softly with a smile.

“It was nice meeting you too.”

Vax and Keyleth spent the rest of the morning wandering through the multiple flower gardens, fountains and ponds, albeit sad-looking in the middle of the Winter. When the sun reached its apex in the sky, Vax took Keyleth by the hand down a secluded gravel path and into a small clearing of pine trees (the few trees that still had their canopies). Vax removed a thick blanket from the bag, spread it on the floor, and sat down, patting the ground between his legs for Keyleth.

“I should have known you were bringing picnic stuff,” Keyleth said. She sat between Vax’s legs facing him, her legs crossed between them. Vax took another blanket from the bag and set it on her lap, covering both of them.

“You think I would pass up the opportunity to have an outdoor meal with you?” He scoffed. Keyleth didn’t reply. She grabbed the thermos of tea he passed her and took a sip. It was sweet, just the way she loved it, and it warmed her from the inside out. Vax then grabbed two sandwiches and a bag of chips, and they ate while observing the nature and enjoying the quiet. They didn’t run into many people during their walks in the garden, which Keyleth could only assume was due to the cold weather and the fact that most of the plants were dead.

“We should come back in the spring,” She said after a while.

“I already planned on bringing you back.”

“So, what’s the story with Kerr? How do you know him?” Keyleth asked, passing Vax the thermos.

Vax took a sip of the tea, closed the bottle and set it by his side. He then lifted the blanket from his and Keyleth’s legs and gestured for her to turn around. Keyleth did, scooting and resting her back against his chest. Vax covered them again and wrapped his arms around her waist, letting his hands rest on her stomach, where he started rubbing circles with his thumbs. Keyleth basked in his warmth. She could never get enough of the feel of Vax’s arms draped safely around her.

“Do you remember what I told you about what happened with Vex?” He asked her. Keyleth nodded. She knew it was a difficult subject for him. “Well, after all that, Vex and I decided to leave Emon for a while. We found this garden. We lied and told them we were high school students, and they believed us. Mostly because we looked like high schoolers. We found this spot right here, secluded enough that no one could stroll into us, and we made it our place. We had a small tent big enough for us and Trinket.”

“One day, Kerr caught me after the park closed, but instead of calling the cops on us, he extended a helping hand. At first, he invited us to have dinner with him and his wife. Hot homemade meals were hard to come by at the time, and Vex was getting thinner every day, so I said yes. They heard our story, and just like you, they grew angry at our father. But most of all, they felt bad for us and wanted to help us.”

“That’s really nice of them,” Keyleth said. Vax nodded. He buried his cold nose in her neck, making her squeal. 

“They asked us to stay with them until we came of age, but Vex and I… we had been living on our own for a while, and we—we might have been too proud to take such a huge offer. But we did accept a job offer to work here, and we enrolled back at the highschool, using Kerr’s home address as our location. We often went to Kerr’s for warm meals and never refused their invitation to stay on cold and rainy nights.”

“Kerr and his wife treated us like we were their own children. We finally caved in and moved in for our final year of highschool. They even motivated us to go to college and helped us apply for scholarships and everything. Their house is a home to us.”

“I’m glad you found them. I’m glad Kerr didn’t call the cops on you.” Keyleth said, turning her head to see Vax. She nuzzled her nose against his jaw, making Vax smile. 

“I’m glad too. I don’t know if we would still be alive if it weren’t for Kerr.”

“I’m glad you are. It brought you here… to me.” Keyleth whispered and gave Vax a soft peck on the lips. 

“Have I mentioned how beautiful you look today?” Vax nuzzled against Keyleth’s neck. She giggled and nodded in response. “Did you make your skirt?”

“I did. But my grandma made my cardigan.”

“They’re so pretty. You’re both very talented.”

“I’ll make you something one day,” Keyleth promised. 

“Are you cold?” Vax asked, tightening his embrace. 

“No. I’m never cold when I’m with you. You’re always so warm and cozy.”

“Hmm. Same. You’re like a ray of sunshine. You’re so happy and cheerful. It’s contagious sometimes.”

Keyleth thought about his words. People often said she was a ray of sunshine, that she lit up any room when she walked in, but Keyleth didn’t feel that way. She was happy. Keyleth did feel joy in life and enjoyed being around her friends and family. It was the moment she was left alone that Keyleth dreaded the most. When she was by herself with her thoughts, her fears and grief. She had witnessed a few episodes where Vax had preferred to be alone, where his mood was extra broody and grumpy. She understood that better than Vax probably thought.

“Kiki?” Vax called her. Keyleth turned sideways, buried her head in Vax’s chest and grabbed the jacket on his stomach. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” Keyleth mumbled against his chest. Vax’s hands cradled the back of her head and he pressed a kiss to her hair. He stayed like that and waited until she finally spoke again. “I’m not as much of a ray of sunshine as people think I am. I also have bad moments—bad days, even.”

“I know. I’ve noticed your moods.” 

“You have?” Keyleth asked, looking up. Vax nodded and caressed her hair down her back. “You must probably think I’m a fraud then.”

“You’re not a fraud, Kiki. Not everyone can be happy all day, every day. I know you try hard to hide the bad side, but you can trust us… you can certainly trust me. I want you to be yourself when you’re with me, even if that means you’re picking at the skin of your nails or chewing on your lip and the inside of your cheek. I won’t be bothered by your jumpy knee or your shuffling around on your seat.”

Oh shit. Vax knew all her fidgets. Was she really that obvious, or was he just very observant? Keyleth always tried to hide her anxiety in front of everyone, and she was almost sure that she did a good job at it, but she had always been more relaxed with Vax. She had always felt safe with him. Of all people, Vax would be the one to understand Keyleth’s faults the best.

As if he read her mind, Vax added, “You and I aren’t that different, Kiki. Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand.”

“I suppose I might have some of yours, too,” Keyleth admitted. It wasn’t for nothing that her father had made her see a professional when she hit puberty.

“And I have some of yours. It’s perfectly valid to have them both, and if someone ever gives you grief about it, tell me, and I’ll punch them.”

Keyleth snorted at the offer. Some of the weight on her chest lifted, but there was something heavy keeping her from being blissfully happy: finals. History proved that academic high-stress situations were not good for Keyleth. “I don’t think you can punch our professors or finals.”

“Ah. Is that what’s eating at you? Here I was, thinking you were freaking out because I’m extremely handsome, and I make your heart almost leap out of your chest.” Keyleth looked at Vax to see him smirking at her. Her face reddened in response. “You’re going to do great, Keeks. You’re smart, talented, and a great student. All our professors love you. If anything, you’re going to do so good that they will need to expand the grading system just to accommodate your knowledge.”

“You’re exaggerating, Vax. I’m not as smart as you or Pike. And I’m falling behind in Anatomy. You’ve seen my midterm grade.”

“Fine, the human body doesn’t agree with you. Does it matter? Are you in Biology for it or for plants, Keyleth? Didn’t you say you were going to drop Anatomy next year anyway?”

“Yes, but I still want to have a good grade,” Keyleth all but pouted at Vax. Couldn’t he understand the high expectations other people had on her? She had always been a top-of-the-class student in high school, and people expected her to maintain that or do better in college, never to go below their standards.

“Keyleth, love. You had a 16 in the midterm,” Vax grabbed her shoulders and looked at her earnestly. “All your assignments have been above 18–and yes, it counts even if I helped you. Even if you have another 16 in your final, you will still get at least a 17 at the end of the semester. I know it’s not as good as an 18 or a 19, but you are still in the top five students in Anatomy, and I know for a fact that you, miss I-will-not-rest-until-I-have-straight-20s, are the best student in your degree.”

When Vax put it like that, Keyleth had to concede to his logic. She knew that she would need a really bad grade on her final to drastically lower her final grade in Anatomy and the general average, as a consequence, but even though it was a low possibility, it wasn’t impossible.

“Fine.” Keyleth pushed Vax away and got up, straightening her skirt. “I guess you’re right.” She said and walked away from him. Keyleth didn’t need to turn her head to see the look of confusion on his face, but she still peeked and threw over her shoulder, “Let’s go see the waterfall… unless you’re done with our date?”

She laughed as Vax scrambled to his feet and packed everything inside the backpack. He was by Keyleth’s side in a matter of seconds, holding her hand and dragging her down the path. Keyleth giggled at his reinvigorated spirits, feeling slightly better herself, too. Vax was right, she knew that, and while she still had a hard time letting go of that particular anxiety, Keyleth knew she had in him a safe harbor. 

“Vax?”

“Yes.” Vax looked at her expectantly, grinning from ear to ear.

“I might barge into your room this month to ask for reassurance. Is that okay?” Keyleth bit at her lip. Vax let go of her hand, only to wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her to a stop. He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers, giving Keyleth a soft, ghostly peck on the lips that made her want more, and said, “I can’t promise I’ll be decent, but my door will always be unlocked for you, Kiki.”

“Good,” Keyleth whispered against his lips. “I might come to collect some hugs then… even if you’re not–decent.”

The kiss was sensual and unhurried, filled with promises of more kisses to come, hugs to be given, and reassuring words to be whispered in the dark. By the time they arrived back at the apartment, lips red and kiss-swollen, the subject of finals was completely gone from Keyleth’s mind, instead filled with the scent of pine trees and snow and the wonderful time she spent with Vax in nature all day. A much needed-rest before the chaos.

[kikizoshi]

youre learning Russian, right? I've also started learning with borrowed textbooks, and the consensus I've seen online is that its not enough, and that a course is necessary. if you don't mind I'd be really appreciative to know how you got where you are and if you think that's true.

Спасибо за помощь (ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

Unfortunately, I don't really know what I'm doing either. Just kinda stumbling through, and "where I am" isn't all that far. I can only ever be an authority on what helps me learn Russian; in my experience, there's never been a one-to-one, "follow these steps I took to become fluent" method. Everyone has to figure out their own quirks. (And if this isn't true for someone then I'm very jealous of that person.)

I've seen about as many different opinions as there are ways to learn. Some think you need courses. Some think courses are useless. Some like textbooks; others hate them. The one consistent thing seems to be input--everyone agrees you need a lot of comprehensible input (meaning, you understand some of what you're consuming). But is a course necessary? I don't think so. Whether it could be vastly beneficial or a waste of time and money is something that depends entirely on the person's learning style. A resource I've linked further down may help you determine whether it'd help you. I've never taken a course, so I don't have any experience there.

Also: I have ADHD, so everything here is working around that. Motivation is a massive issue for me, and I've generally found that forcing my way through something droll for long periods of time just... isn't something I can make myself do. It burns me out. I try to make everything something I want to do, or at least not very painful. But my methods are also slower and less effective than something more structured.

Comprehensible Input

How I got to it being helpful:

People go on about comprehensible input all the time, and I can see why; it's extremely important. It's what finally moved me from mid-A1 to late-A2. But actually getting to a place where input even can be comprehensible was so horrifically painful for me that for a long while I felt completely inept. So, here's the things I did, in order, that I think helped:

A0-A1 (not helpful yet)

Duolingo + Twitter: Don't get me wrong--I hate Duolingo. And non-fanart Twitter. But it was a great combination for learning Cyrillic. I used Duolingo's earliest levels to get familiar with Cyrillic and some very basic words. Concurrently, I followed some Russian fanartists on Twitter who also posted text posts frequently, and turned notifs on for them. That made it so that 3-5 times a day, I would get a notification for a post in Russian, and I would practise reading/sounding out Cyrillic. I wasn't too focused on understanding what the post was saying, just getting a familiarity with the alphabet.

Memrise + Anki: Pain. God, so much pain. This was the worst. Necessary and effective, but the absolute, God-forsaken worst. Once I felt comfortable enough with Cyrillic, I started working through two decks: a. Memrise: vlarya's 10k most common Russian words deck. It goes in order of most to least common, has audio, and has typing practise. This replaces Duolingo. (When Memrise inevitably removes community courses altogether, feel free to ask for a backup of this deck. If I'm still on here by then, I should be able to give my backup that works with Anki.) I don't recommend Memrise's official courses. b. Anki: Neri's Russian Sentences (blog link) deck is great for practising the simple words you're learning with Memrise, getting common phrases down, and starting to see how Russian as a language comes together. It'll take a bit to click. c. keybr: I also started practising a little with keybr, mainly because having to type in Russian on Memrise sucks with the on-screen keyboard. keybr is the best site I've found to learn to touch type different keyboards. It's extremely effective. If you're already a touch-typer, a few hours should be enough to type well enough for Memrise.

YouTube: Russian With Max's 'For Beginners' Playlist was really helpful and motivating, at this point. He speaks slowly, simply, and clearly enough that I could understand him, where I couldn't understand anyone else yet.

I... God, I hate the A0-A1 stage so much. You can't do anything. At least now, I can watch TikToks, read comments, enjoy memes, and understand enough of those to enjoy myself. The stage where you understand nothing is by far the most awful to me. I wish I had anything to make it more bearable, but it's really just the worst. Hopefully you're either past this already, or close to past it. The small mercy is that it doesn't take too long to claw your way out of.

A1-A2 (helpful now)

[Active Immersion] Memrise + Reading/Watching (comp input): keep working through vlarya's 10k deck. My routine is: speed review due cards; finish the 10 cards I started learning yesterday; start learning 10 new words today. That's my reps and warmup. Then, depending on my mood, I'll either read at least 30 mins of 'Дом, в котором...' (with or without audiobook, again depending on mood), or watch at least 30 mins of Max's intermediate vids w/ Russian subtitles. Sometimes in my free time I'll watch Russian lit or ДВК TikToks.

[Passive Immersion] Music/Audiobooks/Let's Plays: pretty self-explanatory. My passive input isn't as comprehensible rn, but I focus on things I enjoy. A let's play to fall asleep to, an audiobook while I'm doing something that requires on-and-off focus. The goal here is just to understand snatches of whatever I can, not so much the whole thing. Eventually, those snatches become more frequent.

I'm sure more dedicated study would help me a lot right now, but I don't really have the time or motivation to, so I don't try to force it.

Regarding Russian language learning YouTube channels, and why I only recommend Max:

I've found that most popular Russian learning YouTube channels feel... well, like school. They're not very interesting, they don't feel very organic. It doesn't feel like I'd be watching their videos for any other reason than learning Russian, which is bad for me, because I need to make Russian part of my life to have any motivation to do it.

So, the reason I like Max's channel so much is that he talks about things that're actually interesting and relevant to me. This video is a personal favourite, but he has a lot of videos about all sorts of topics--some of which I'm genuinely interested in. And his demeanour is more vlogger, less teacher. I like him as a person. (Protip: in this stage, don't be afraid to start his intermediate videos early, even if you don't feel you're there yet. It can still be very helpful to pick out the words you do know, and most of his videos have Russian and English subtitles if you're confused.)

Regarding how to find a good Russian book to read:

I... don't know. Reading ДВК with the audiobook really, really helped with my reading ability, and continues to. I can't state enough how important it was for me. But how to find a book that you can read over and over again... I don't know. I just know that Harry Potter would be absolute torture.

I've seen people say that you should start reading simple things, like children's stories. I personally haven't done much of that, because children's stories bore me out of my mind, but if you like them then I'd give that a shot. I've also heard that Chekhov's stories are good for beginners (I've heard that about Pushkin too, but I'm not sure how easy poetry would be to understand). Read-alongs on YouTube could be good too. Russian With Max has some old livestream read-alongs, and there are plenty of Russian read-alongs on YouTube.

Aside - if you're curious about 'Дом, в котором...', this fan-made trailer is the entire reason I picked up ДВК; the vibes captivated me and I had to know what it was about. So for anyone interested: if the trailer looks cool to you, you may like the book. The English translation is called 'The Gray House'. ДВК is fairly long, and different POV characters have differing levels of complexity with the language. The early chapters are the simpler ones, conveniently, so starting from the beginning should be fine. It's a slice-of-life type story, so easy to pick up and put down. I recommend the Князев audiobook, which is almost certainly the one you'll find if you search 'дом в котором аудиокнига' (it's a fan-made audiobook, so I don't think you can buy it, but like LOTR the fan version is by far the best).

Resources

r/languagelearning's resources page is a good place to skim through, see if anything sticks out. I recommend reading through their 'How to Teach Yourself a Foreign Language'. It's good for giving you an idea of how different people learn, different learning methods, how those methods work for others, and what might work for you.

Refold's Roadmap is very helpful for me to understand where I'm currently at, and what sort of activities it would be beneficial for me to be working on. I use their definition of levels (i.e. A1), so if I wasn't clear what I meant by A1 vs A2, reading through this could be helpful.

SRS:

Anki's for decks I have to create myself, or if I need a more specialised deck. I prefer Memrise for vocab, mainly for typing practise and the better UI. If you want to use Anki for vocab: Refold's ru15k deck is good for A2+. There are plenty of simple word decks to pick from for A0-A1. If you want to word mine to create your own Anki decks, see FLTR below.

Grammar:

New Penguin Russian Course is supposed to be good for grammar. I looked through it, and it does look good. If you understand grammar. I don't, but putting it here for those who do.

Reading:

u/La_Nuit_Americaine's post about reading helps me with motivation, and gave me some pointers about how to do it.

FLTR (Foreign Language Text Reader) is a good Windows program alternative to LingQ, if you can't or don't want to pay for LingQ's subscription. You have to input the word definitions yourself. I used Reverso and Yandex Translate together for this. Your word list can be exported to Anki.

ReadLang is supposed to be a good web-based alternative to LingQ (its free level is still usable, unlike LingQ's). I've not used it much, but it seems pretty good. My preference is using some translation extension that will let you click on a word and automatically translate it and move on quickly. Simple Translate on Firefox is what I use.

Video Media:

Language Reactor is a subtitle extension for YouTube, Netflix, etc. that has a bunch of cool features. I hardly use it because it's not on Firefox, but if you use Chrome, Opera, etc., it's really handy. For YouTube, it will translate the auto-generated subs for videos, so if you have a Russian video that only has Russian auto-generated subtitles, you can use Language Reactor to get English subtitles.

Other ADHD Accommodations:

Being kind to myself is very important. I can't make myself study by thinking "why can't you just" or "it's not that hard, what's wrong with you". I can't make myself study with positive words either, but using positive language helps my morale so that I have more motivation to study more often.

I use a different browser (Opera) solely for learning Russian. I chose Opera because Language Reactor works on it (would've used Chrome but Chrome is set up for work), but the general idea is having a separate space for Russian. I put Opera's language in Russian, and I keep all my Russian-learning tabs open there, so that when I'm ready to study it's as simple as opening Opera. Having it separated like that also helps my brain see active study as a task that can be opened and closed, rather than combined with everything else (Firefox).

I try to give myself enough options of things to do for immersion that it's always a choice. My brain has so many different states: motivated; unmotivated; foggy; clear; distracted; focused. Each one will want--or even need--something different. If it's a foggy day, I may be able to read along ДВК with an audiobook, but not able to read words without that help. If I'm distracted, TikToks may help more than reading; if I'm focused, reading may help more than TikToks. Or if I'm completely unmotivated, watching one of Max's vids is more passive than reading, therefore less painful.

I love Russian. Not much to this one. I don't think I could stick to learning a language I didn't love for the sake of the language itself.

I wasted time and motivation watching things I wasn't interested in, trying to find media in Russian that appealed to me. I don't recommend that. I don't know the alternative, but I always felt horrible about myself after. It's important to have media you like, but forcing it won't work. Russian movies don't interest me. Everyone else's favourite Russian YouTubers don't appeal to me at all. TikTok is much better for me in that regard, because I can search for specific fandoms that interest me. Luck seems to be the only thing that works for finding good YouTubers.

Textbooks are my kryptonite. I can't use them. They drain motivation so fast. If they work for you, that's great. If they don't, I don't know that forcing it is the solution. It wasn't for me.

I scroll language learning subreddits sometimes for motivation. It's not productive, generally. But it's fun. And I do get some ideas sometimes.

I've mostly accepted that my progress is going to be slower than others. I'm trying not to compare myself. I'm enjoying it now, mostly, learning slowly but learning, and each time I reaffirm that that's okay, it becomes truer.

[chaos-in-one]

Nah because lately I have seen so many people unironically say “AFABS can’t identify as transfem, only AMAB and intersex people can!” and like

It’s so telling that they don’t know jack shit about what being intersex is or is like Intersex people can be AFAB. In fact it’s SIGNIFICANTLY more common that intersex people are either AFAB or AMAB, only having that they’re intersex listed on their birth certificate and not having male or female put on there is really fucking rare in comparison to the number of intersex people who are AMAB or AFAB

Intersex =/= right in between male and female (in fact the intersex variation that is *exactly* in between the two does not exist in humans from what I understand)

Intersex =/= ambiguous genitalia

Intersex is a term that covers a wide variety of conditions. While there *are* intersex people who where born with ambiguous genitalia (many of which have surgery forced on them to make them fit more in the boxes of male and female so they can assign them one or the other at birth) a lot of intersex people also do not have that. There’s intersex people whose difference is in their hormones, or chromosomes, or gonads, in a way that doesn’t show an immediately obvious difference in genitalia. Hell, a lot of those groups of intersex people don’t have it confirmed that they are intersex for years, sometimes even DECADES. There are several variations that don’t show symptoms until puberty or adulthood, and some who don’t cause overtly outward symptoms at all and the only way people find out is through medical tests.

And guess what? It’s not particularly easy to get a test for that shit. A lot of doctors will not listen to patients who say they suspect they might be intersex unless they believe the person is being damaged by their symptoms. Hell, there’s intersex people who NEVER get diagnosed because of this.

So, long story short, if you think all intersex people are allowed to use a label (like the example given at the beginning), don’t say people of a certain AGAB can’t use the same label as a whole because intersex people can be either of the two binary AGABs.

[kyouka-supremacy]

i haven't read the light novels, or i might have missed something in the timeline, but would yosano and kouyou know each other? (obviously not a prerequisite for shipping at all lol i just got curious) since yosano left the port mafia when she was so young

I mean, this is not the answer I was going for initially, but after thinking about it for a while, very technically speaking they must be aware of each other's existence on canon basis. It's implied Yosano healed Kouyou when she was taken hostage by the ada: it's logic that she would have never allowed the ada to capture her unless she couldn't fight, yet she was doing fine once she woke up, meaning someone must have healed her up in the meantime– and the ada only has one doctor lol. Additionally, at the end of the cannibalism arc all the major ada and pm members were brought together in the same place, so according to these panels we can say for sure the two existed together in the same place at some point

I haven't read the vast majority of the novels either, but for what I know I think I can fairly confidently affirm they never interacted in any of them. Though you know, in the end it depends on what you mean by “knowing each other”: are they are aware of each other existence, yes; did they ever interact or ever even talk, eh, as far as we know, no.

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

'I just don't believe in/understand it!' well unfortunately for you I just don't stop existing as an agender person bc you don't believe in it. I'm not fucking tinkerbell.

[welcometogrouchland]

"aaaand he's right behind me, isn't he?" Is an overplayed joke but I think ppl are focusing too much on the joke out of context like. It's not the line itself that's the problem, I've seen this joke done well, the problem with this kind of overplayed quip is when assembly line blockbusters use it as a substitute for actual characterization and thought out jokes with set up and pay off.

Like I saw an article that described the Russo bros dialogue in their latest film as feeling like placeholders for funnier jokes meant to be added later, and that's very much what "and he's right behind me" is being used to represent in the recent wave of memes parodying it and movies that feature it- it's dialogue that could be funny in the right context but reads as annoying, insincere and overplayed because writers and directors employ it just as a way to

a) self parody in a way that creates distance between the film and the audience- which is distance from criticism, yes, but also distance that halts all investment and identification between the story and audience

and b) make their job easier at the cost of quality. Because "he's right behind me, isn't he?" Is a tried and true joke that doesn't tell us anything about the character saying it other than "they're meant to be funny and sarcastic and likeable" in the most generic sense of all those words

because a blandly likeable protagonist is easy to write, and they want things that are easy to write so they can put them on the assembly line. Which is frustrating but I do understand it's mostly a product of corporate monopoly and strangling studios. I'm sure most of these writers would like to make something better but just. Cannot be bothered to when the film is guaranteed money based on brand name clout alone AND they have to deal with execs who micromanage projects that fall under their 'brand'. Why write jokes that feel specific to the characters you've created, or engineer characters with comedy in mind? Thats too personal and gimmicky and high effort- slap a one-liner on them and now you've got the human equivalent of a palette cleanser when you flit between summer mega movies. Except every meal is a palette cleanser, and in the end, it tastes like nothing at all.

[arrowcuratesart]

Oh also if I ever mistag something or accidentally reblog stolen art, or art that isn't sourced properly PLEASE let me know, feel free to DM me the post in question or send me an ask or whatever and let me know what's wrong with it and I'll fix the tags or just delete the post if it's stolen art.

[thiscomicruinedmylife]

This panel is so much funnier in the original version

With the other one repeating with a broken English accent because he doesn't understand what positive freakishness means and the vampire dude replying with "yeah,it's english, doesn't matter"

That's hilarious! I love de Pins' sense of humor. Once again it's sad we lose such gems in translation... (Personally I fail to see why translation should pretend everyone's speaking English. Just state they're in France and we'll do the leap in logic and pretend it's all French, hence "Yeah, it's English, doesn't matter" would still be funny. At least for me!)

[anthromimicry]

@ethicsbutcher asked: ❛ do you ever think about the future? ❜

it wasn't often that misao found herself drifting off while she was spending time with someone she wasn't very familiar with. and this was because, deep down, misao seemingly had a slight distrust towards humanity in general — what with the fact that one was responsible for the very grievous event that claimed her mother's life all those years ago being at the head of it. well, that, and what she'd been taught to believe as a child: to never let your guard down around one because they could easily stab you in the back. but they were not all bad, she'd discovered, and that was a rather black-and-white way of looking at them. regardless, this belief had still managed to dig it's claws into her. so misao remained hypervigilant around humans albeit much less than she used to be. which made it all the more confusing that all she could find herself doing was looking into the wine that doctor lecter had provided her with before one of his infamous 'ceremonial' dinners.

misao had barely touched it and she'd already had too much in her mind. it was a bit of a bummer that she couldn't indulge in it as freely as he could, but as the saying goes: c'est la vie, right? misao soon found herself being snapped back to reality by the sound of hannibal's voice. 'oh, god,' she thought. how long had he been talking to her? misao put on a small, apologetic smile as her eyes met the others, ❝ ahh, forgive me if it seems like i wasn't paying attention, doctor lecter. i was listening, but i guess you could say i have a lot on my mind, ❞ that wasn't exactly completely true but it wasn't a lie either. for, misao only really had one thing on her mind, but it had been plaguing her mind ever since she got here: what could've been his motives behind why he invited her here. they had only talked in passing when they were both within the walls of arkham, after all, hadn't they?

misao squinted her eyes at the other as if she was trying to read hannibal then. but he was not a particularly easy person to be read, even with everything she knew about body language, and how people's minds worked. winging it seemed like the best option from there as a result as misao eyed the food he was preparing, ❝ oh? that's an interesting question, though i hope you aren't asking it out of some attempt to psychoanalyze me. i already do enough of that to myself, ❞ a light snort left her nostrils then before her eyes flitted up to meet the other's once more. misao wasn't afraid of him, but what was his objective here, hmm? ❝ but if you want the truth, i think i have been mainly focusing on what's been happening around me in the present for a while. i suppose because although the future does matter, we could all die tomorrow. and because of that, i feel as if it's only right to consider the present first. ❞

misao shrugged slightly and made sure hannibal saw her take another swig of the liquor he'd given her even though she really shouldn't have. she resisted the urge to grimace at the acidity of it by closing her eyes momentarily, before speaking up again, ❝ that's just my opinion though. is there any reason why you have been thinking about what's to come, doctor? maybe something... or someone? ❞ misao's voice rose an octave whenever she'd said that last part, trying to convey that she was interested in his life. though misao just asked him this out of 'politeness' so that she could more smoothly question him down the road about why he'd chosen her to invite to his home out of all of the arkham staff. misao didn't actually care much about it. however, she was a good liar. or she thought she was anyway.

[brightonpages]

[theloveinc]

aren't denkis parent pros? or at least his mom?

uhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm sure entirely sure. i think that was a couple featured only in one of the movies, and while it's possible // was implied, it's also never actually been stated they're his parents.

but i definitely could be misremembering.

[drchucktingle]

Chuck, how do you deal with people who are rude about you and your work? I write queer romance and I want to put my writing out there for people to read, but I'm a very sensitive person and I know it will be hard not to take insults personally and let them affect me. I don't want to let that stop me from expressing myself and sharing my art, but I'm scared!

very good question buckaroo. i am a good example of this as pretty much EVERYONE was rude about my work for many years calling it 'so bad its good' (it is just good) and 'terrible photoshop' (i think it has a great and instantly recognizable style) and 'intentionally stupid premises' (i dont think there is anything stupid about sex being fun and whimsical and playful). even these days the reaction of the VAST majority of buckaroos who discover chuck have this reaction AT FIRST, and then learn to appreciate the tingleverse in a more sincere way over time.

all that is to say BEING DOUBTED HAS WORKED OUT VERY WELL FOR ME. art that changes meaning over time can be very powerful, so if someones initial reaction to my trot is one thing and then it evolves into another thing, well that is just good art. while it can feel bad to get a bad review, i would say a bad review just means you have entered a realm of tension and change and discord and WE ARE TALKIN ABOUT ART BUD so that, in itself, is very exciting.

i think of what i do as 'punk writing', and a big part of that means pushing against preconceived sensibilities. not many other authors will proudly say 'there SHOULD be some spelling errors in my erotic shorts because i wrote it in a day and edited it once. that is the FEELING i want to create', but that is my way. by creating what is in my soul i KNOW i am going to bother some buckaroos and that is okay.

now i am NOT assuming you are also doing punk writing (that is okay of course we all have our own styles. what i am doing with tinglers is pretty rare), but it still stands to remember that there are 7.8 billion people on the planet of this dang timeline and some of them are bound to be bothered by your creations. that is not a problem, that is just part of baring your authentic self.

the other thing to remember is theres no REAL right or wrong in art. it can be analyzed in different ways and i tend to look at it in a way of comparing intention to result, but even THAT is not strictly correct. therefore any bad review of something you make is not actually BAD it is just someones information and feedback for you to take or leave. a one star review is just another opinion, it is no more right or wrong than your own opinion, and that is wonderful. it is freeing.

if i see a bad review of my own book, lets just say CAMP DAMASCUS for instance, i do not get upset because i know this: that reviewer is not wrong. camp damascus is five stars for me, but it is one star for someone else AND THAT IS OK. THAT IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE. THAT IS GREAT ART. also MAYBE THEY KNOW BETTER THAN I DO. just because i wrote the book does not mean i am the authority on it, and the conversation and tension between those that enjoy something and those that despise it is a creative act. the audience engaging with your work is just your art emerging from its cocoon and saying 'here i am. lets see where i flutter off to now'

do not fear the river of this timeline sweeping away your creations and carrying them where it will. this is inevitable, but it is also beautiful and freeing. you cannot swim against it and that is okay bud, because YOU HAVE ALREADY WON. you have already created something and given a piece of yourself back to this timeline and that is a great honor and privilege. it is literally all there is

by creating ANYTHING you are proving love is real, and that is something to be proud of