#so horribly relatable long form writing is incredibly challenging for me

[thorne93]

The Stars Made Us (Part 27)

Prompt: In this world, you’re one of the “lucky” ones who got a soulmate, but what if the universe gives you more than you bargained for?

(Prompt challenge – You live in a world where your soulmate can write on their skin and you will get the writing on your own and vice versa. Where they can wash away the ink on their own skin, however, the writing is forever scarred onto your skin until you meet face to face)

Word Count: 1722

Warnings: angst and language throughout, seizure/medical complications

Notes: This was supposed to be for @sorryimacrapwriter​​​​  and their challenge like a year ago, I think? I still loved the prompt though and have been working on this story for quite some time. This aesthetic was made by @dontshootmespence​ thank you so much! Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​​​​​, couldn’t have done it without you, as well as @carryonmyswansong​​​​​ and @arrow-guy​​​​​ and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​​

Also, I’ve never really liked the whole soulmate AU thing idea, but this felt so right and it was amazing to write. I hope y’all love it too!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Charles got you up to your shared bedroom, getting you laid down on the bed as he laid down behind you, wrapping his arm around your waist and kissing your shoulder. 

You weren't sure if he'd read your mind yet, but it didn't matter seeing as you couldn't speak anyway. 

The sobbing continued for another few hours before you fell asleep from exhaustion. You didn't have anything that replenished your loss of blood. You were still wearing the outfit that had been torn up. When you finally woke up, it was late night, after midnight. 

Charles was still awake, waiting to see if you were alright. 

"Darling?" he softly addressed. "My love? Are you okay? What happened?" 

"Doctor Stephen Strange happened," you informed angrily. "Have you already read my mind?"

"You know I never do that purposefully," he reminded gently as he delicately put your hair behind your ear. You were on your side, facing the large windows of the bedroom, with him behind you, propped up on one elbow. 

You rolled over to see him. You wanted to see his fantastic face. 

"It's so good to see you," you breathed, reaching up to stroke his face with your hand. He peered down at you lovingly, but with concern.

"What happened to your leg?" he wondered. 

"I was stabbed. Some form of mystical, evil, magic. Stephen and I accidentally got caught in a mystical war..." 

"That... I'm sorry, what?" he asked, alarm in his voice. 

You waved him off. "It's fine. He killed one guy, we stranded the other woman. But the other guy, he did this to me." You rotated your leg and he looked at it. 

"My god. You nearly lost your leg." 

You nodded. 

"That's not the pain that hurts though," you informed. 

He lied down next to you, still in his suit.

"You didn't change," you noted.

"Of course not. I couldn't bear to leave you in this state." He gave you a soft smile. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. I don't want to push you." 

You shook your head. "That's not it." 

"What is it, then?" 

You looked at him and sighed before going into the whole story. You explained everything in detail from the day you arrived to getting on the plane. Charles listened intently, trying to keep everything straight. 

"So he just... he sent you back to the temple after telling you to get out of his life?" 

You nodded. 

"Charles... it hurts so bad. It's almost as bad as when I thought you were dead. How could he do that to me?" 

He shook his head. "I don't know, my love. I've loved you for a very, very long time, and we didn't even meet. He had almost a year with you. He's your other mate. I honestly don't know how he could turn you away." 

You nodded. 

"But hey," he tried, his finger trailing your cheek as tears quietly poured from your eyes. Your eyes shifted to look at him. "I love you, you know that right? And while I wish he didn't break your heart, I am so happy to have you home." 

"I know," you said with a smile. "I'm so happy to be home, to see you again. I've missed you so much." You pulled him down to you, to give him a firm kiss. "Also, I have a concussion," you informed.

"Never a dull moment, hmm?" he teased before booping your nose ever so gently with his index finger before laughing. "I suggest we get rest, and then in the morning, we get you a proper shower, hmm?" 

"What about work?"

"You come before everything else, always. You know this. I'm clearing my day. It's the least I can do for you, after everything you do for everyone else." 

"Thank you, Charles. I have no idea what I'd do without you."

"Perish the thought, love, perish the thought." He smiled at you before the two of you got ready for bed and slipped into a deep sleep. 

-----------------------------

The next morning, Hank and Charles treated you to breakfast. 

Charles kept it to himself that at this point, he hated Stephen. It had nothing to do with the fact that you lived with him for several months. Or how hard you had to work to get in his life. 

No, he resented him because Charles knew how much you loved him, and he threw it away. He broke your heart. He could forgive everything. Even if Stephen ultimately stole you away from Charles -- at least you were happy.

But this? Treating you so horribly after everything you'd done? No. That was absolutely unacceptable in his eyes. 

"Do you need anything, love?" Charles asked as he eyed you sipping your coffee, barely touching the food on your plate. Hank looked at you then at Charles, his face concerned. 

"No, I'm fine." You took a deep breath before looking at the two men. "Really. I'll be okay. There is no point in moping about this. I need to get back to work anyway. I'll be in your office if that's alright, darling?" you asked, getting up from the table. 

"Of course, whatever you need." 

He grabbed your hand as you walked by and gently squeezed. You squeezed it back and went on your way. You got your suitcase full of work related items into the office, closed the door, and started to set your things up. But then the darkness closed in. The sorrow wrapped you in a tight cocoon. And you couldn't for the life of you, get out of it.

How could he throw eight months away? As if it were nothing? He opened up to you. He was starting to really believe in you two. And now... you were nothing to him. 

Tears wracked your body as you held your face, trying to keep your sobbing volume low so you wouldn't alert the others. But it was hard. 

Meanwhile, Charles looked defeated in the kitchen as he rested his elbow on the table and put his hand to his mouth.

"I don't know what to do, Hank," he confessed. "She's so broken-hearted."

"Why did he do that to her?" Hank asked. "From what I'd heard from you two, things were fine." 

"They were. She explained it all to me, and I can't quite put it together either." 

"So, what are you going to do?" 

"I have no idea. Support her I suppose, and never mention his name again. That will be easy. I just have to try not to mention how much I loathe the man." 

Hank nodded. He knew his friend well enough to understand what he meant. Even Hank was feeling a bit of animosity towards Strange for breaking you like this. 

----------------

After Stephen had defeated Dormammu, he worked with Wong to get him set up properly at the New York sanctum. He had realized that he could save lives doing what he did there, being a Master of the Mystic Arts. He was surprisingly okay with this and accepted his new form of work. 

"Where is Y/N?" Wong asked as he got to work, helping Stephen clean up the sanctum.

"Gone," he replied casually.

"Odd. She isn't the type to leave. Especially you. What happened?" 

Stephen looked to Wong. "You're never a talker, and now suddenly you won't shut up about Y/N?"

"What can I say? I liked her. She made you bearable." 

"Thanks," he muttered. 

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Wong pressed. 

"Nothing to tell. She was here. Now she's not. She was in the way." 

"Yes, because she seemed like a true inconvenience when she was helping you train and learn."

"Sarcasm now? Fantastic. Look, she has her life to lead. I have mine. She has Charles, her other mate. She's fine and I'm better off without her."

Wong stared at him, eyeing him while he cleaned. He knew he wasn't telling the whole truth but getting emotions out of Stephen Strange was like pulling teeth. 

-----------------------

"Care for a game?" Charles asked as he walked up to you in the library. A fire was going, as fall was in full swing. He gestured to the chess board next to you. He thought he'd find you reading and was a bit surprised that you were just staring into the fire. 

"What? Hmm, oh, sure," you said, adjusting your seat to the chess table between the two seats. He sat opposite of you, eyeing you.

How he desperately wanted to break his vow to you and get inside your head, but he couldn't. He shouldn't. He cared about you too much to violate your privacy, but he also cared about you too much not to.

Ultimately, he remained steadfast and decided to not breach your mind. He didn't ever want to disrespect you like that. 

He watched you play the game, feeling so powerless. It'd been two weeks since you'd arrived back at the mansion and you were clearly putting up a front. Sure you smiled, laughed, and got back into the swing of things quickly, but when the others weren't looking, your face would fall, you'd get a far off look in your eyes. Charles heard you crying in the shower on more than one occasion. 

He hated that he couldn't do anything for you. But what could you do for someone with a broken heart? Nothing. The pain would have to ride itself out. Much like grief, there was no getting around it.

But this wasn't some summer fling.

This was a soulmate you'd lost, one you weren't sure you'd ever get back. 

But you remembered how incredibly blessed and lucky you were to have two mates. Never before seen in the history of the world. 

So you tried your best to push Stephen Strange from your mind, and focus on the epitome of perfection that sat across from you, playing chess. And you knew him, and you knew he was fighting his powers to read your mind. You knew he wanted to help. You could see him mentally scrambling to find ways to cheer you up and distract you, and you loved him all the more for it. 

Both of you were painfully aware that this was something not even a soulmate could fix.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[littlemeangreen]

Since you like my alt-Marauders (WHICH IM SO HAPPY FOR) how about challenge for headcanons of them interacting with the Smashers, as allies or foes or just a chance encounter? No need to, I just thought it might be something you'd have fun with!

@thecorteztwins k I'm suddenly in a big writing mood so!! FINALLY getting around to this I'm so sorry sksksk

For anyone who doesn't know: Thecorteztwins has an amazing au where she's collected Haven (thicc angel lady who was possessed by a demon disguised as a baby), Claudine (Miss Sinister),Madelyne (clone of Jean Grey), Pyro, Sebastian Shaw, Shinobi Shaw and sometimes Alice (a clone being tested by Claudine)!

I feel like the first few days are really testy. Everyone's got some bone to pick, the usual. But the biggest thing? The name. A brief encounter with paparazzi ends with their name and the reactions go from Pyro and Claudine scoffing at how silly it sounds and what a rip off it is (Pyro being a writer?? U KNOW he wouldn't stand for Alt Marauders) to Shaw sighing about the fact that he's been stuck on a team with a cliche super nickname.

Then there's personal names because once again, Pryo and Shinobi both agree that everyone needs a name to reapply make them unique! Hardly anyone goes for it, ranging from Haven's soft "no thank you" to Shaw punting Pyro into a wall. Madelyne is slightly soft for Pyro's RPG themed alias ideas for her and less than impressed for Shinobi's idea of "Mad Milf".

Alice....I'm definitely thinking she gets nicknamed "White Rabbit" or "Wonderland" because; 1) no one can leave her out of getting a name. 2) Pyro 100% would give a cheesy media related name and 3) I like the very small connections of white rabbit to the white and red queens in Alice in Wonderland (and 4) rabbits always get experimented on :).

Gamma Gals having amazing duos with the ladies of the Marauders? Absolutely!!

Jen and Haven, being an amazing duo and I feel like they'd be the two who would have that issue where they're the only ones who can save the day and end up learning a lot from each other? Haven is probably thanking her stars that she finally gets to meet a hero who believes in her kindness just as much as she does (S H A W).

Just....Haven being able to meet an even bigger woman and trading stories and being GalPals(TM). Its a really interesting concept to me that Haven is someone who was deliberately used to destroy and Jen is someone who's entire identity is formed around smashing and destruction. It's probably rather cathartic to be working with someone who purely doesn't want to resort to violence immediately and who has been used (Haven by her demon and Jen by different people).

But also learning something from each other? Haven being able to see that sometimes you do need to fight for what you love and Haven proves to Jen that even after all this time, it isn't the muscle or power that can save everything, it's her and her drive and will alone. Catch Red and Shaw scoffing about it.

Speaking of, those two could either REALLY clash or really get along, no imbetweens. Have we found another old man for Shaw to wrestle with, Roman style??? (Ngl that would be hot in a sick way)

Skaar and Shinobi? Both long haired, beautiful, sons of big figures, grew up in abusive environments,,,,its a duo. Just put Shinobi into a mini team with Skaar and Daken and we have the "Black haired brood squad"

Rick and Pyro working together to have a joint production??? FIrebomb productions baby!! My podcast ideas? Absolutely would happen when you combine these two and its hell. Aka; Rick and Pyro gossip on their podcast and give advice to starting heroes as immortals and smack talk. But also outside of that I imagine they can get along a lot in the "had a hard time accepting stuff" and "we were heroes who often did a lot for others and got disregarded and hurt for it".

Pyro: Hey if I set you on fire can you become a flaming bowling ball

Rick: well let's fine out!!

Red and Shaw....there's a lot there. Both are old men who have been pressed on in their lives and affected by masculine presences in their lives...both are regarded as awful shitbags but they're both MUCH more complex and driven by a need for power and stability...lots of thoughts here.

Shaw and Red are one team you do NOT wanna mess with because two old men who are perfectly willing to do what's needed? Red can respect a man willing to get his hands dirty with clear means and Shaw can probably like a guy who has the drive to do what he believes is the better good. Also big hulk man who can give you endless power.

But also differences in them because Shaw abused and continues to abuse Shinobi while Red neglected and most likely emotionally abused Betty but it seemingly trying to make a difference in it now that she's come back? I feel like these two probably have a SUPER in depth conversation when forced to or alone and then never speak about it again.

Spending of Betty! Her and Madelyne?? What a DUO they're litreally a great mix because Maddie is a clone of Jean, Betty was assumed to be a clone at first and often has to suffer being the "domintrix" she hulk. Both have serious issues with their mental health and identities as well as dealing with their lives being ruled or devoted to men who ruin them. Both want freedom and have such passion! I just....so much to say about these two and the similarities. They're both red.

But yeah Phoenix and Harpy?? Skksks Maddie voice: I'm FIRE HARPY nOW

Am I still yelling for her hero name to be Griffin because of how mystical they are and being a bird and lion??? Yeah.

Also sad thoughts but,,,gals talking about their lost kids (Maddie with Nate and Betty suffered a miscarriage induced from stress), the stress of their lovers and who they've lost to (Jean, Emma, Caiera, Jarella,,,) and being manipulated by men for their power (Maddie by Sinister into Goblyn queen and Betty by Leader into Red She-hulk, Harpy, both died).

Anyway point is I can fully see them two just CLICKING or fighting a lot at first until someone points out just how similar they are. Then? Maddie and Betty out here being the brand new Thelma and Louise. Red and Black styles, willing to use force but protect the innocent, both take Alice and this cute kid that Betty absolutely mother henned in her run and,,,two moms and their talented daughters pls step out the way sir.

Tbh I don't think I have much for Samuel apart form him having a small crush on Claudine (and like,,,,not in That Sense, but Samuel does have a big history of falling for smart women or just...OP women). And then a series of gags where Haven wants to know him because he's like Shaw but also incredibly different in thinking and everytime she walks into the room,,,,Samuel is doing some horrific experiment and she just NOPES OUT. Shaw wants to make use of this but it goes horribly wrong oh God why did he try.

Lyra! I just....feel like there could be a lot for her and Claudine and Alice. Lyra was genetically engineered to be used in a war and was bullied relentlessly for being "half man" which...is rather transphobic and sexist but that's her storyline and it's too deeply embedded for me to headcanon over it so...sighs.

But yeah!!! Lyra taking Alice and giving her a night of being able to just....be whoever that night, not being pressured to have an identity of the sorts from anyone and just being able to fight people with a giant green woman. Probably has a lot of deep talks later that night with Lyra, sitting over a building and eating ice cream because it was one of the first things Bruce shared with her and a first realisation that Lyra could be more than someone's daughter.

100% would picture this with Carmilla (Lyra's sister and...also messy kinda clone) or Laura Kinney hopping along and!! Clone weapon woman team!! I could GET INTO this!!! Just...pls marvel give me a team of women overcoming abuse and forming identities among each other and cool women,,,,

But also Lyra admittedly would respect Claudine for her skills and her...tenacity? Yeah, that. She has strength and guts and Lyra probably actually tells her that she'd rather get experimented on by Miss Sinister than some pig of a man and Claudine just "thhhanks?"

Hulk,,,,funny enough I don't think I have many ideas for him yet? Probably gets into a fair few fights with Shaw and Haven over different stuff, Maddie has a bome to pick for Betty,,,I am,,,blank.

I feel like a lot of things for him would be Haven trying to break through into him, maybe each of the Marauders dealing with different parts of the system? I can imagine Shinobi and Pyro don't have a high opinion of the oversized dad until Bruce turns super ashen pale and immediately Joe starts yelling for some whisky and GIRLS....and a fella or two for matchstick and ghost baby here.

Maddie thinking that he's another Scott and then finding out that Hulk's thing is more complicated than Scott simply looking for Jean again. Also Maddie demands that she will forcefully adopt Hulk's kids and these two bonding over abusive dads???

But uh,,,that's about it!! Hope you liked it!!! I probably could easily delve into more thoughts if there's anything specific for me to set my mind on.

[1wngdngl]

Pokemon Shield playthrough - Part 5

Back again with another post! This one covers Route 5 and the Water Gym.

Just as I start down the route, I encounter the Cameraman/Reporter duo, who are a classic trainer pair from past games. Given that all the Gym Challenge stuff is a big spectacle in the Galar region, it makes perfect sense that Gym Challengers would get interviewed along the way.

This horde of Minccino chased after me. It was adorable.

I discovered the Pokemon breeding-grounds - or at least, the artificial version of it. This is not the same as the old “Day-Care” that could also level up Pokemon. The Nursery is solely for eggs, while Levelling up can be done with PokeJobs and the experience candies.

The people here are really nice - they gave me a free rare Pokemon!

It’s like a baby dinosaur! I believe this is also the first Poison-Electric combo we’ve had.

Since I don’t want to have duplicate types, I remove Yamper from the team. I prefer dual-types, plus this purple dinosaur looks cooler. Okay, so he starts at Level 1, and he’s pretty frail, but I can be patient.

Leaving the Nursery behind, I encounter another traditional trainer class - the Chef. He sends out food to attack me.

I also find a wild Wobbuffet - and promptly realize just how horrible its catch rate is.

I wasted every last Poke Ball on this fiend. At least he gave decent experience when I knocked his lights out.

I consoled myself by catching the weird apple creature for myself. Here’s another unique type combo - Grass and Dragon (wait, does Mega Sceptile have that typing?) It only knows a defense-raising move and the incredibly-weak Astonish, and has horrible stats all around. I’m sure it will evolve into something great, if I can figure it out. (btw, is it weird that Galar has both apples /and/ “Leppa” berries?)

I decided that my psychic-bug-cocoon wasn’t doing enough for me, so it got booted off the team.

I also got a second try at Wobbuffet ;)

This guy has a nice camping spot for himself. He never leaves. Maybe he ran away from home?

Seeing a pink puffball and an apple fight over a toy is too cute for words.

My coworker also has this game, and was kind enough to trade over this incredibly-high level Wingull. Not that I really plan to use it, but it /does/ have Pokerus. You’d think by now the nurses and professors of the Pokemon world would have learned to harness the power of Pokerus and turn it into a mandatory booster shot.

Back on track, these silly Team Yell people are blocking the bridge forward.

I get to see what my Dark-type fox /could/ have evolved into, if it were still on my team :( It looks like a proper gentleman-thief.

I love Pokemon - you save someone from getting their precious possession stolen, and as thanks, they give you their precious possession.

Too bad the outfit for it is so garish.

The blue color is a little better though.

Now that I have a bike, I can go into the Wild Area and try the Rotom Rally mini-game. It’s basically a time trial as you travel between different regions of the Wild Area. It looks like you can’t get attacked by wild Pokemon while in this Rally mode, so it’s probably the quickest way to get around (minus the flying taxi, of course).

These guys can also upgrade your bike a bit, but it’s expensive. And they don’t have the ride-on-water option either.

You know, Serebii.net says that Bunnelby doesn’t evolve until Level 20. This is an illegal Diggersby here!

Okay. Back on the bridge. Riding is so much faster than walking, but I keep stopping anyway to grab hidden items and look at the scenery. You can see the Dragon city in the background.

Another fight with my rival on the bridge. His Scorbunny has evolved, but it’s still not too tough.

In this place, Eldegoss literally float by on the wind. 

Here’s the tunnel that ducks under the train tracks. What could be on the other side?

That can wait! First, I gotta get my Pokemon sent out on more jobs. I love this logo that’s a blatant KFC rip-off.

Oh, I also discovered that you can, in fact, change the wallpaper of PC boxes. All of the choices are pretty boring, though.

Also, my coworker invited me on a raid battle with a 5-star Ditto. I have a bad feeling about this...

Scorbunny’s final form is so majestic.

None of the previous raid battles I fought had “barriers”! Is that something that only shows up in multiplayer raids?

This is it. We’ve weakened it, and now I have the chance to obtain this rare, useful, iconic Pokemon for myself...

Yeah, I failed the capture. I didn’t know they could fail. At least I got some good loot.

FINALLY, I make it to the seaside town of Hulbury. I wonder which British coastal town this is based on? For being the main port of the region, it’s not really all that big.

We encounter Chairman Rose and some of his “admirers”.

We also learn a little more about the relationship between Rose and Bede. Apparently Bede really wants to impress the Chairman, so maybe he’s not so much “working for him” as trying to gain his favor.

You know, I really don’t think he pulls off that outfit. What is it even - a mix of baseball uniform and swim trunks?

Oleana thinks she can boss me around.

I don’t owe you anything, silly person! This is /my/ Pokemon journey. And I’ll take as long as I want. ^.^

Sigh...Why can’t I just throw my coal monster at these goons to get past? My character is way too nice.

Oh, here’s another look at that elephant Pokemon that the Chairman had. It looks like it’s wearing a little hat.

Also, please be more creative when naming locations.

Here’s the “bustling market” I was told about? Must be a slow day.

We’ve got the stock “bitter medicine” booth (I never use these)...

Ah! Here’s something useful. You can bet I will use this item to maximize my earnings from every battle. I haven't seen an option to re-battle trainers yet, and those cool outfits won’t buy themselves.

I trade away for a Cottonee. You know, why don’t people in real life just trade pets with each other whenever they feel like it?

Pokemon, Pokemon...People already say your recent games are too easy, and now you’re giving me a free held item that’s super-effective against the current Gym? (Yet another sign that you should ignore Oleana and /not/ go straight to the Gym upon arrival.)

If nothing else, Hulbury is scenic. I bet the dock is covered with Wingull droppings though.

These people obviously don’t get the point of Pokemon.

With the hills overlooking the sea, I’m reminded of Los Angeles - or was it San Francisco? It’s probably a lot colder in Hulbury though.

Here’s the train station at the top of the town. Of course it can’t take me anywhere new. What if my dying grandmother lived in the next town over - would you let me get on /then/?

I never got into Pokemon’s post-game battle facilities much. I wonder what Galar will have in that department.

I go fishing in the pier, and find a few new Pokemon. That seems to confirm that what you catch is based on where you are, so there’s no rod upgrades.

Good to see that Basculin still comes in two forms. I’m guessing Sword version has the red form?

Another sneaky way to help players - hide a Chinchou in the pier. Its electric attacks would also be useful against the Water Gym.

Aha! Here’s that Pokemon we saw in the trailer, when everyone wasn’t sure if it /was/ a Pokemon or just a generic fish. Well, it is real, though it doesn’t look that useful. It actually looks like a skinnier version of red-striped Basculin.

Nope, not keeping you. I only have six slots!

Some more postcard pictures.

Here’s that weird-looking Pokemon that was also glimpsed in the trailer. Will I be able to find this in the wild?

A hidden Electric-type TM. This is why you explore and do side stuff /before/ continuing the main story.

About ready to face the Gym now. First, now that I’ve entered a new town, I have some new options for my league card.

Here’s a brief look at where I am so far.

And a preview of Nessa. That pose cannot be comfortable.

My team. I’m hoping Avery’s Electric attacks will help, even though he is a bit under-leveled...

First, the Gym puzzle. It’s not really that hard. You could probably do it completely by accident.

In the old days, we had puzzles involving sliding around on icy floors, and using the Strength HM to push boulders into the correct holes. Now /that/ was a puzzle!

I wonder if Nessa ever gets cold, wearing that?

Her Dreadnaw wasn’t a super-high level, but it was incredibly powerful.

It knocked out my Dynamaxed Pokemon, even when the Dreadnaw itself was small!

I had no choice but to pull out my starter, and fight water with water.

Turns out Nessa’s calm demeanor breaks when she faces failure.

And now it’s dusk. I still don’t get how time of day works in this game - is it just an aesthetic thing related to the story?

A change in lighting can make for totally different pictures.

I have access to a new job company. They must be a sponsor for Nessa, since she wore a pin with their logo. Does this mean we can actually encounter Wailord in the game?

I also get the Chairman’s league card. I like the way he writes his signature.

You know the drill - can’t advance with my life until I follow the plotted line into this restaurant. At least it looks fancy inside. I like the Wishi-Washi designs on the floor.

Some story stuff happens. I am completely extraneous to this conversation.

I don’t really know how I feel about the Chairman. I still think he’s probably up to no good, but he’s not the cackling-evil sort that Lusamine was. Maybe it’s actually Oleana who’s evil, and Rose is being manipulated.

This restaurant: Nice location, horrible service. The whole time I sat here - empty glasses, and no food. If I’m gonna be forced to sit and listen to some exposition, I should at least get a meal out of it. 

Okay, that’s all for now! In the next entry, I will enter this tunnel into yet another mine.

[thegoodbitchofthesouth]

Jack in the box

If I am doing this wrong or you don't want to be tagged in this post, please let me know and how to fix it. @metafest @letswarriorfangirl @amwritingmeta @emblue-sparks @angelneedshunter @verobatto-angelxhunter @magnificent-winged-beast @staycejo1

I needed to take a bit to get my thoughts more in order, I should have done that before I made that rambling post before. Anyway, there seemed to be a few themes in this episode-  One is about the similarities and differences in the characters, and how they are destined to repeat history because of it.

 For example, Dean is just as prone as Jack to reaching a point of emotional meltdown and saying/doing things when he is angry, afraid or hurt that he shouldn’t and that hurt the people he loves, the only difference is that Dean isn’t a two year old and teenager at the same time, the two stages in a person’s life when they have very limited self-control, and Dean doesn’t have Jack’s powers. If Dean was as powerful as Jack, he would have destroyed the universe long ago in one of his meltdowns.

 The parallel between Dean and Duma is obvious, so I won’t go over that one. But there is also a parallel between Dean and John. The first time Mary was killed, John basically did the same thing Dean is doing now- he went looking for revenge on Azazel and was so blinded by it that he couldn’t see he was basically doing to his kids and Dean hasn’t seen how he is following the same path as John. John basically locked Sam and Dean in a metal box (though Baby is a much nicer metal box) or in cells in the form of hotel rooms alone where they had very limited exposure to other people and had very little reference for normal human behavior and healthier ways to deal with things, and expected them to behave like adults when they were just children. He didn’t accept that they were kids who would make mistakes, he always expected them to follow orders, behave as adults and it put an incredible amount of pressure on them, especially Dean. He basically set Dean up to feel like mistakes were unforgivable and accidents should be harshly punished, except when Sam made them, and even then, Dean may not have wanted to kill Sam, but he did lock him in a metal cell (a much bigger, more comfortable one, but still a cell) and when he let him out, he spent months reminding him over and over again of his mistake and making him feel like crap about it. Also Dean looked up to John and wanted his approval so much that he let himself be manipulated, he accepted blame and guilt for things that should never have been put on him (he should not have been left to protect Sam from a monster when he wasn’t even ten years old yet) and was willing to do anything John said to get his approval, and he never felt like he got it.

 Jack has been shown doing all sorts of things to indicate that he wants Dean’s approval, he sees him as a father (he asked to go fishing because he said Dean told him about fishing with his father, and he mimicked Dean all the time) and at the moment, it looks like he may not get Dean’s approval. He wants so badly to meet these expectations that shouldn’t be put on him because he is essentially a toddler, and as we have seen, having all the pressure of those expectations proved to be too much. I don’t think that Jack killed Mary out of wrath, he never wanted her to die, he was just in a panic and having a meltdown because of the overwhelming fear of falling short of Dean’s expectations when Dean found out. I don’t think he ever wanted to hurt her, he had an emotional meltdown normal for anyone as young and under as much pressure as Jack has been, and unfortunately when he has a meltdown it’s like an atom bomb going off, and Mary was just in the blast radius.

 I just read a fic on Tumblr that pointed out that someone with glowing yellow eyes was responsible for Mary’s death both times, and both times she died trying to protect a child, but that is where the similarities ended. Azazel was a centuries old Demon, intent on malice who consciously chose to kill her in a painful, slow way and she stayed in that house as a ghost, unable to move on. Jack killed her by accident, he never wanted to hurt her, he didn’t plan on it, he loved her, and her death was instant, and she did go straight to heaven. Dean may subconsciously be seeing the parallel of Azazel and Jack both killing her, driving his urge to kill Jack in revenge, but not seeing any distinction beyond that, not caring that it was an accident made by someone who lacked the maturity, experience and self-control. All he can see is that he lost her again and he is hurting.

 Sam on the other hand, is like Jack in that he was different from his family and everyone he knew, first in that he was highly intelligent and didn’t want to be a hunter, and then later when he learned about what Azazel did to him when he was a baby. He felt trapped by his family and expectations and he was desperate to get out of the metaphorical Malak box he was in, and he also found a way to escape. And we have seen him relate and sympathize with others who know they are different and have the expectations of others pushed on them but want to not be what the world sees them as. He even told Jack that he understood how he felt because he was in a similar situation growing up, this was why he was Jack’s ‘go to man’. He can also relate to having Lucifer be way too interested in him.

 Sam also parallels Dean in this episode in that he cares deeply about Jack, he has been trying since Jack’s birth to be there for him and try to give him at least some normalcy in any way he could, he protected him and stood between Dean and Jack in the beginning when Jack hadn’t even done anything yet and Dean wanted to kill him just for existing. After Jack killed Mary, he still wants to help and protect Jack, but he finds himself in the same position Dean was in when they were growing up that Dean mentioned in Prophet and Loss when he said he knew that it seemed like he took John’s side a lot growing up, but he was just trying to keep the peace. Sam caved and went along with this scheme of Dean’s even though he hated it, the same way Dean backed John up when they were kids a lot of the time.

 Dean does have a history of deceit and manipulation prior to this episode, mostly with Sam, and I think Sam remembers how Dean manipulated him in the past to say yes to Gadreel and essentially forced him to take his soul back regardless of what Sam want. He took away Sam’s free will. Dean also has a history of being a hypocrite, saying free will is all important, until it means he might lose someone, and then it’s negotiable. Sam knew this about Dean, Dean has done very similar things to Sam in the past, but when Dean asks him to help do the same to Jack, he goes along with it, allows Dean to manipulate him into taking part and in turn manipulate Jack, probably in the same manner that John would use Dean and Sam’s trust in Dean to get Sam to do what John wanted.  Sam is basically stuck in the middle.

  Jack parallels Sam in that he trusted Dean and Sam and allowed them to lock him in the box the way Sam allowed Dean and Bobby to lock him in the panic room, and later when he trusted Dean and Dean tricked him into saying yes to Gadreel. He wants Dean’s approval the way Sam does, and he trusts Sam and Dean to the point that he allows them to manipulate him. There is a metaphorical similarity also in the way Sam escaped John, Dean, and the prison of his life by getting out and going to Stanford, the way that Jack escaped the prison that Dean and Sam locked him in.

 There is even a parallel between Jack and Chuck, and kind of between Dean and Chuck. The things that Jack did to the professor, televangelist and pastor were all acts from the Old Testament, reminding us that God/Chuck didn’t always write books in his underwear and wasn’t always as mellow and forgiving as he is now, and more prone to making rash decisions and punishing people a lot more harshly. Even Chuck/God was prone to immaturity and lashing out when he was young, but he learned from it and got better. Hell, he flooded the entire earth once because he didn’t like the way people were becoming, and he burned an entire city to the ground and turned a woman to salt, *just because she looked over her damn shoulder*.

 The other theme is about blame, assigning blame and forgiveness. One of the first things Duma said to Jack that made him so easy to manipulate was, “It’s not your fault.” Dean challenged both Cas and Jack by asking “So this was her/our fault?!” Because Dean needs it to be someone’s fault, he needs someone to blame. If he can feel like someone is at fault, he can take action and feel justified in it. Not that he felt it was Mary’s or their fault, he just wants someone else to say it was, someone he already blames/blamed. Last episode he was convinced it was Cas’s fault.

 Another pattern is being so desperate for absolution and forgiveness so badly that you are willing to blindly trust people when you shouldn’t, the way Jack is so easily swayed by Duma just because she said it wasn’t his fault. When he met her before, it wasn’t actually her, it was the Shadow, trying to take him away to the Empty and making that horrible deal with Cas. All of his experience with her outward appearance should have been enough to make him distrust her. We see it again later when he goes into the church and promises the congregation that he will take them to heaven and make them angels and they just blindly follow him. He might as well have been a stranger in a van offering them candy. Along that same theme, there is the way the people who show doubt or question are treated. Even though Chuck said it was okay not to believe in him because he included free will in the kit, Duma convinced Jack that it was right to punish the atheist professor by turning him to salt, and Jack later tortured the pastor for questioning him. I believe that the reason Chuck included free will in the kit was that he learned with Adam and Eve that a little bit of skepticism is a good thing, otherwise they wouldn’t have been so easily tricked by Lucifer in the Garden.

 Last of all, not a theme of the episode, but did Bobby seem weird to anyone else? I can’t decide if it was just weird writing, or intentional because he is the AU Bobby who doesn’t have the same history with Sam and Dean as our Bobby, or intentional to indicate something else. For one thing, he never called either Sam or Dean, or even Jack by their names. He called them ‘You boys’ and called Dean ‘the other one’, and Jack was just ‘the kid’. Maybe you could chalk that up to being because he is the AU Bobby who didn’t practically raise Sam and Dean, but the way he was talking about hunting down and killing Jack seemed very strange to me. Even as the AU Bobby, he seemed to take the other AU hunters and survivors under his wing and see them in the same way our version of Bobby saw Sam and Dean. He was angry with Sam when he felt like Sam sent Maggie and possibly other hunters out on missions alone before they were ready. He had a son of his own that he lost. Previous appearances of AU Bobby seemed to indicate that he shared our Bobby’s strong parenting instincts and our Bobby wouldn’t shoot Sam when he was trying to kill Bobby, or when Sam escaped from the panic room and was going to leave, he managed to over ride a demon and stab himself, putting himself in a wheelchair, to keep from hurting Dean. And he told Sam that he would never have written him off and cut him out of his life like that, it was the demon talking. He was helping to train Jack the way our Bobby trained Sam and Dean. All of this and all that we know about Bobby just doesn’t fit with Bobby being able to just turn on Jack like that and say he wants to kill him without any qualms. Everything about his behavior in this episode just seemed off, and he was only there for a few minutes and then he was gone, almost as if he was there just to plant the seeds in Dean and Sam’s heads that something drastic had to be done about Jack and lend validation to whatever horrible thing they came up with.

 With all the mentions of Chuck in the more recent episodes makes me feel pretty sure he will appear in the next one. I don’t want him to simply snap his fingers and fix everything, though I do want him to fix Jack’s soul, but I think he needs to sit Dean and Sam down and have a serious discussion with them about forgiveness and Good Parenting. I mean, who would know better than Chuck from experience about making rash decisions and expecting too much and all the other crap that Dean especially has pulled, as well as parental guilt.

[rufousnmacska]

part 2 of this little modern manorian au

Manon had forgotten how awful her maid of honor dress was until this moment. “You know Asterin, you really didn’t need to do this to us in order to make yourself stand out. You’re the bride. Everyone will already be looking at you.”

The others moaned in agreement but Asterin just laughed. “I know of one dark-haired princeling who will not be looking at me.”

Manon sighed and stared at the ceiling. And here it comes. The reason she hadn’t mentioned Dorian to anyone, even when she didn’t know who he was. As the room erupted in laughter and questions, she glared at Asterin.

“Nothing happened. If you don’t believe me that’s your problem. And I’m not going to let ANY OF YOU GET UNDER MY SKIN.” She emphasized those last words with a finger pointed viciously at each of them.

Vesta stood up and shouted everyone down. “Hey! Leave her alone!” She gave Manon a wink then continued. “This one is rich and hot. We don’t want to scare him away!”

Laughter broke out once more and Manon gave up, used her middle finger this time, and walked towards the door. She was dressed and Asterin was dressed. That meant her duties were done for the time being. The rest of them could fend for themselves.

Out in the hall, she looked around for a way outside. Catching her reflection in the french door, she released a long, annoyed breath and dropped her head.

This dress was ridiculous. But in combination with the hair and makeup... Her aunt had insisted they get all this shit done and Asterin hadn’t wanted to argue any more than was necessary. And she was perfectly willing to throw them under the bus to keep her mother happy.

At least as the maid of honor she was allowed some individuality. And the color of her dress didn’t make her want to vomit. The rest of the cousins looked like peach-colored clones who had been dipped in hairspray and costume jewelry.

The thought of Dorian seeing her like this did make her want to vomit. And that made her feel even worse. She’d known him for less than a day and she was this concerned?

The thing was, she felt like she’d known him for a lot longer.

They’d spent hours taking turns driving his sports car around the city. Driving and talking. Her claim that nothing had happened was not a lie. Nothing sexual had happened. Not even a kiss. But there had been a hell of a lot of sparks. And even more, some indescribable connection had formed between them.

They had a lot of things in common besides an interest in cars. They came from opposite ends of the class system, but they shared a lot of the same pressures. Both had overbearing family expectations. Both were trying to go against those expectations to do what they loved.

His father wanted him to go into politics while her grandmother wanted her barefoot and pregnant. Although he had the money to support a not-yet-published author’s lifestyle, as an only child, he bore the brunt of his father’s demands to uphold the family legacy.

At least Manon had all of her cousins and their families to hide behind when her grandmother was in bitch mode. Of course, that wasn’t much of a consolation during the months when her sculptures weren’t selling and she couldn’t afford rent. Grandmother’s bitch mode went into overdrive then, with constant harping about needing to find a husband and give up on her worthless art.

But she got loads of love and encouragement from her cousins and friends. She couldn’t imagine how Dorian got by without that kind of family support system. He’d told her he did it by choosing his family. Close friends instead of blood relations.

His parents were nothing more than obligations at this point. He’d shrugged it off but she could tell it was painful. She supposed that losing her parents when she was a baby put them in a similar boat. Except her abandonment had not been by choice.

Getting cold, she headed back in, steeling herself for more teasing. On her way, she heard a knock on a window and turned to find Dorian waving at her from the groom’s suite of rooms.

Fuck me, she thought looking down at the baby blue monstrosity she wore. I guess he’ll see it sooner or later. With bright red cheeks too warm to be from the weather, Manon copied his move from the other day. She smiled and shrugged, then added a little turn so he was sure to see the huge bow across her ass.

When she came around to face him again, he had the sweetest smile she’d ever seen. He gave her two thumbs up and disappeared to finish getting ready.

Oh man. I am in trouble.

At least the photos were going to turn out well.  There was no way this smile was leaving her face anytime soon.

God that dress is a crime against humanity, Dorian thought with a laugh. But it hadn’t done a thing to dim Manon’s beauty. He didn’t think the pearls and heavy makeup were her thing either. But as with the dress, they were easily overlooked. That smile and her incredible eyes were all he needed to see.

“I can’t believe you let her drive your GT S,” Aedion called from across the room. “Surprised she didn’t burn out the clutch. Women cannot drive stick.”

Dorian ignored him and sat down. Aedion was only in the bridal party to fill out the groom’s side. All those cousins as bridesmaids made it a challenge to even things out.

Gotta feel bad for the one who has to dance with him later, he thought.

Chaol caught his eye - they were clearly thinking the same thing - then joined him on the couch. “So. You got in late last night.”

Dorian laughed. “Always so subtle Chaol.”

“Yeah well. I could just be an asshole,” he said, staring at Aedion. In a deeper voice that sounded suspiciously like the asshole in question, he added, “You two hook up bro?”

Dorian bit his lip to keep from laughing.

Leaning closer, Chaol whispered, “I’m just trying to keep up with all the testosterone in here, man. These guys are built like brick shithouses. I don’t even know why I’m here.”

“Same reason most of us are here,” Dorian said. “The Blackbeak clan is huge and Fenrys needed bodies.”

“Why not elope,” Chaol mumbled. “Less hassle for everyone.”

Dorian glanced at his best friend and rolled his eyes. Chaol was a great guy, but romance was not his thing. Luckily for him, Nesryn was not into all that stuff either.

Which brought his thoughts back to Manon. They’d spent an amazing night together just talking and riding around. She had a tough, badass exterior. But he knew there was more to her than that. That instantaneous connection he’d felt for her had only grown stronger throughout the night.

He’d tried asking Fenrys about her but only got superficial answers. And nothing he didn’t already know. She was an immensely talented artist, she loved cars more than he did, she dreamed of traveling to both Poles, and she was struggling to escape from her grandmother’s control.

Her devotion to her family was something he admired but couldn’t quite understand. She told him about their teasing and gossip, but her voice was full of love, not the annoyance she’d been trying for. They were a close-knit group despite the different personalities and fighting. He wished he knew what that felt like.

Instead, he was shackled with cold, distant parents who only ever called to berate him. And ask when he was going to give up writing and run for office. He was waiting for them to cut him off. They couldn’t touch the trust fund he’d received from his grandparents. But that wouldn’t stop them from trying to keep him dependent on them.

Dorian laughed to himself thinking about their reactions to what they’d find in his accounts. He was living solely off the trust fund and the few decent investments he’d made. But the monthly transfer from them got spent as soon as it came through.

There were several small charities that depended on a regular check from an anonymous donor. Charities that would make his father explode if he knew his money was funding them. The food bank, the animal shelter, a woman’s health clinic just to name a few. Places that actually helped people. Unlike his father.

A loud whistle interrupted his moping.

“Let’s go people. Time for Fenrys to get hitched to his old ball and chain.” Aedion turned, waiting for everyone to laugh.

The only reply he got was from Lorcan who called him a fucking asshole. That got a round of applause as they all filed out of the room.

Dorian’s heart skipped a beat as he realized he’d be seeing Manon in a few minutes. He already knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his eyes off her, horrible dress or not.

[ectoflowermaid]

Rainy Days Homestuck Headcanons

John: of course whips out every single goddamn one of his favorite movies who are y'all kidding!! The trolls haven’t seen them, he has to enlighten them. Karkat leaves the room the second John says, “hey guys! What if we-” because he knows what’s coming and he will not be here for it no sir. For reasons beyond any and all comprehension, Terezi becomes absolutely obsessed with the Ghostbusters. Whether she likes the way they handle “ghost justice” or she just likes licking the screen when the ghostly baddies show up, even John regrets showing them to her and everyone admits that it was a grave mistake.

Jade: on her island she used to like going out into the puddles and hunting for frogs. Um. She doesn’t want to do that anymore or possibly ever again. She still likes to take a rain slicker and some boots and go for walks in the rain tho, she’ll find a nice place to sit and be alone with her thoughts. Sometimes Jake will go with her and they’ll sit and listen to the wind in the trees and the roar of the rain together, but more often than not she makes the trek alone. Once Jane realizes this, Jade always comes home to a nice cup of hot cocoa waiting for her on the counter. She warms right up before even taking a sip because this, this is what having a family is supposed to feel like. Not some taxidermic guardian staring her down.

Dave: Uses the time to work on his sick beats which have, surprisingly for everyone but him, become extremely popular with the citizens of Earth C. They don’t know what the mysterious “Obama” creature is that the Knight of Time references so often, and conspiracy theories grow by the thousands. Was he an ancient deity? A fallen ally? A worthy foe? Entire websites are dedicated to putting the pieces together. Dave will also build blanket forts with Karkat in which they watch only the worst and cheesiest of romcoms, no one else is allowed in. Except the Mayor. Cuddles may or may not ensue.

Rose: knits way too many scarves in an attempt not to think about the rain because she is 1000% Done With Rain. She has zero good memories associated with this goddamn precipitation. It reminds her of her drunken mother and of the unfinished quest that still haunts her. To keep her mind off things, she spends rainy days obsessively poring over ancient tomes, writing drafts for “Complacency of the Learned”, and more often than she would care to admit, reading Roxy’s wizard fan fiction. It’s very good and she’s extremely proud. When the power goes out and Rose can no longer see the pages, Kanaya is always there, ready to light the room with her skin and her smile.

Kanaya: shares a similar aversion to frogs as Jade, but can’t help but be fascinated by the rain because she’s never seen it before. Rain on Alternia was extremely rare, even more so for her because she lived in a desert region. It takes her a very long time to get used to thunder, and the first time she heard it her chainsaw was out in record time and she was running around trying to figure out just what the fuck was happening. Once it had been explained to her by a patient, trying her best not to break down into hysterical laughter Rose, Kanaya felt pretty embarrassed but admitted that her reaction had been funny. She loves seeing lightning in the distance, and sometimes tries to light up at the same time.

Karkat: Dave and Roxy show him earth musicals and boy howdy does he fucking love musicals. He was very skeptical at first, but after being assured of romantic content succumbs to the intense peer pressure. Dave’s favorite is Hamilton because anything that can combine rap and history (aka dead things and presidents) is truly the highest form of art. He may or may not know every word to every rap. Karkat, however, latches on to Wicked and does. Not. Let. Go. He relates immensely to the off-color mutant human who stands up for what they believe in and faces incredible odds to become the best!! And she gets a love interest in the end! Karkat argues the entire time that Elphaba and Glinda had a million times more chemistry than Fiyerwho Gives A Fuck, but still cries every time at the end because he’s so happy that Elphaba is happy. Dave often catches him humming the soundtrack and teases him mercilessly for it, but is secretly glad that he helped Karkat find something he cares so much about.

Terezi: Thanks to John, now screams “WHO YA GONNA CALL” every time a ‘crime’ is committed and Justice™ needs to be served. John accuses her of debasing a classic, to which she responds by licking his face and telling him that nobody listens to losers who taste like blueberries. Likes to catch raindrops in her mouth and LOVES the sound of thunder, sounds like sweet, sweet music to her ears. Loves “watching” (smelling) the humans trip all over when the lights go out because cmon just smell your way through it! Trolls have night vision and do not trip, which Terezi finds massively disappointing.

Jane: Cooks the entire time. Raining out? Guess we’re having more cake, everyone! She tries a new flavor combination every time, so far the favorite is lemon cake with raspberry frosting, and the least favorite was carrot cake with mint frosting. Not a good time. She also likes to try out Alternian recipes for the challenge, not to mention because the troll kids are a little sick of human food. After a few months Jane manages to produce a close approximation of grubloaf and it was the happiest cry Karkat had since the time Dave told him they should probably date or something.

Jake: watches the storm through the window, sometimes goes and sits by the ocean to watch the wind stir up the waves. Something about growing up on the island makes Jake and Jade more in tune with the weather, they can feel it deep in their bones whenever a big storm is coming. It also gives them a strange sense of melancholy. Dirk tries to comfort him but there’s something ancient in Jake’s eyes whenever the clouds roll in. Sometimes it’s best when they sit quietly, watching the storm together.

Roxy: makes her own blanket fort suck a dick, Dave!! No boys allowed!! She and Callie built it using a combination of blankets that Rose has knitted for her and generic objects used as building blocks. No Dave, that’s not cheating, maybe if you could make building blocks out of your time powers you wouldn’t feel so inferior to us and our amazing blanket fort which is better than yours. Knows every word to every musical (she had a lot of spare time before the game) and Karkat vaguely idolizes her. Teach me your ways, oh great musical goddess. Watches movies with John and they weave in their own witty commentary, she helps slowly rebuild John’s faith in his shitty, shitty movies.

Callie: has lived underground her entire life and doesn’t know what rain is? Why is water falling from the sky I don’t understand? Also, still getting used to actually being able to see the sky. Finds thunderstorms therapeutic, she likes the constant thrum of the rain, the deep boom of thunder, and the sharp crackle of lightning in the distance. Her favorite place to be is snuggled up in blankets between Roxy, Jane, and Jade, all doing various things but it doesn’t matter because they’re together.

Dirk: will sometimes sit with Jake during his Rain Moods™, other times will watch Hamilton with Dave and they rap along to the entire thing. A lot of the time it will devolve into a rap battle and everyone chooses sides, bets pass along boonbucks like it’s the goddamn horse races up in here. There’s never a real actual set of guidelines that decide who the winner is, the only judge is the Mayor and he is a righteous and fair judge, Dirk and Dave both win equal amounts and no one (mostly) goes deep into debt. Dirk also likes to go running in the rain, he’s never had so much space to just *move* before, and rain was scarce down in post-apocalyptic Texas, so it’s like killing two birds with one stone.

Sollux: The static in the air from lightning messes with his psiionics and it makes for some sicknasty hijinks. Think of a balloon when there’s enough static, every time it thunders Sollux’s hair starts standing on end and if he’s too close to a wall he gets sucked in and stuck. The Great Storm Disaster ensued one day when Sollux decided to rub his feet along the carpet and shock the next person he saw which was, unfortunately, John. It was unfortunate because John, in an attempt to up his pranksters gambit, had a buzzer on his hand. No witness can accurately describe what happened on that horrible, horrible day, only that the blast of cheap buzzing, static electricity, and wackass psiionics threw Sollux and John in opposite directions where they got stuck to the walls and couldn’t move until the storm was over. It also singed John’s eyebrows off. Dave wouldn’t let it go for months.

[sorcieresque]

12, 13, 14, 18, 19

What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

oh god i commiserate with casper on this one cause daisy is supposed to be super witty and super sharp, which i never feel like i live up to. smart and witty characters are really only as smart as witty as the person writing them and i know this is the wrong question to say this but like her i push myself really hard and rarely give myself enough credit so no matter how i write daisy’s dialogue i always feel like it could have been better, funnier, more concise, more poetic, and just more of it, cause she, like nick, never fucking shuts up. 

most of the time though, when i go back and read old stuff i realize that it actually was pretty good (if i do say so myself) so i know a lot of the time my impression of her dialogue being lackluster has more to do with her/my impossible expectations for my own abilities… daisy’s only as hard on herself as i am hard on myself writing her. its an oroburos of perfectionism 

re: drawing her, the fact that i choose a real life face-claim so i can never quite get her face right without references. her eyes are so far apart you guys 

s o    f a r     a p a r t 

 How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

in ye olde h*rry p*tter au, she became somewhat of a (non racist lol) second coming of voldemort in the pursuit of power, glory and recognition, because i’ve come to terms with her being a bit of a mary sue and also because it was the logical conclusion of her character in that au, a relentless pursuit of something that was never quite enough for her own personal standards which made her aimless and wrathful. there was a lot less genocide lol for obvious reasons, but she did murder a bunch of people who challenged her and lighted the match that eventually led to the human world knowing about the wizarding world. what a way to go down in history. through this all she let go of nick because she saw her emotional attachment to him as a weakness, but when it came between proving herself and killing him she ended up saving his life instead at the cost of all of her power and took out her following in the processes. i know technically you can’t bring people back to life in the HP universe but again 1) mary sue, and 2) it really showed the size and scope of her power and the magnitude of her sacrifice, and i really loved the idea of adding onto the h*rry p*tter themes of love and that love is the most powerful force, but also that love washes away sins, that even when you’ve done horrible things you’re still worthy of love and love can save you. 

after she saves nick though she goes to azkaban for 15 years and then she’s in house arrest i think for another 10, because the magic jury goes soft on her given that she no longer has any power, the magical media was an absolute sucker for that kind of love story, and also because the magical word is stupid and i didnt want her to spend the rest of her life in jail. she spends most of those 25 years trying to make amends with nick, who eventually forgives her. she also never quite adapts properly to living without magic

after that she just travels the world with nick and writes and writes and writes, including thousands of stories but most importantly an incredibly popular autobiography

SORRY THAT GOT SO LONG 

i have a vague idea of what i want her to do in WSC but like, daisy is greater than life, she’s a historical figure, a religious icon, a myth and a messiah, the pursuit of worldwide recognition and power is SUCH a huge part of her that it’s going to feel so weird and… incomplete, if she doesn’t at least attempt some kind of massive, universal-stakes type of feat in this universe

i actually don’t want to give too many details because of spoilers, but my number one priority right now is giving her a purpose so she’s not so aimless, and that purpose is figuring out where she’s from and who she really is. disney pixar much? more likely than you think. and also hopefully pushing her towards chaotic neutral, or even, gasp, good? (unlikely). 

If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

i’m having a hard time with this one for some reason but i’m going to forego speech patterns and say that 

1) up until WSC daisy’s life had been an exercise in how much it would actually suck to be OP in a world where no one quite lives up to your level (she sees nick as an equal in terms of wits and depth and humanity, but it had always been an understanding between them that she had power and he didn’t. not in a threatening way, of course, just as something that is), so she is always bored and that boredom makes her difficult and petty and annoying and cruel and dissatisfied and self-destructive. therefore, coming to WSC has done wonders for her personality (lmao) because she’s finally among people who could rise up to her level, because everyone’s as weird as she’s always been and she isn’t alone, and most importantly because now she’s rarely bored. it’s actually quite hard to make her hate your kid because her fascination is always gonna triumph over her momentary dislike or annoyance, and she’s always a tiny bit in a manic state when she interacts with your kids (see: aud, reagan, moire, gabe) because they’re just so fucking interesting

2) layers. like an onion. there’s so many layers. she’s so fucking convoluted. i’ve talked about this before here and this is already so long so i don’t wanna get into it, but the crux of the idea is that there’s always more daisy the deeper you dig, and most of the time she’s trying to make herself as mythical and tortuously complex as she can make herself be because she’s both trying to protect the soft parts of her where people can hurt her, and because she’s begging people to see through her bullshit and reach those parts, anyway.

What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC? 

i actually haven’t been writing her a lot lately cause my spoons are low, but the most recent thing that comes to mind is how much more into clea (shout out!) she is than i originally thought/intended lmao. it’s a weird combo of being desperate for friendship and connections, and also never having been around girl-aligned people she isn’t related to and therefore having this idealized version of hanging out with her ~girlfriends~ which involves a lot of lesbianism like scantily clad sleepovers and kissing each other to practice for “””boys.”” 

and of course there’s a more sincere layer of just being constantly fascinated and confused by how different clea is from her and trying to parse that out. clea and daisy balance each other our so well and i think they allow each other to be more like the way they want to be but are too embarrassed to say out loud. clea definitely lets daisy be more of the teenager that daisy is too proud to let herself be, so even when she acts prim and prissy and greater-than-life around clea, they still do a wonderful job of keeping her grounded. also daisy is hopelessly attracted to the whole 4d thing because she’s always been the only person around who’s not quite right, and there’s a lot of intimacy in that recognition, a weird convoluted self-love in seeing and celebrating in someone else what you’ve always struggled with yourself

What is your favorite fact about your OC?

just like w/ misha, don’t quote me on this because i love her! so much! so it’s impossible to pick just one but i just love… all her imperfections, not to be a massive sap (girl ur amazing… just the way you are…) but i love the things that make her weird and random and vulnerable and human, i like that she craves connections but has no fucking clue how to make friends, i love her weird obsession with unicorns, i love how convoluted her vent is because she thinks too fast to write things down coherently, i love writing her when her magic fucks up or when she’s so upset she cries or being awkward because there’s cute people around her or being comfortable enough to make silly jokes and just in general i love when she’s uncool and clumsy and a teenager. i’m gay!

[voightsgirl]

Your Voight post made me think, and I think CPD doesn't get enough appreciation re: how they seem to effortlessly go against a lot of toxic masculinity. Like, there's been any issues with the guys crying or expressing their love for each other, and it's never made into a joke or followed with a no homo reaction or smthn like that and idk I guess I really appreciate the male friendships in CPD. Even the rest of the franchise doesn't do so well as this imo (not counting justice bc it's still new)

You know I started replying to this and then I realised that I’ve never really thought about the male characters in that much depth…I’m the first to sing about how amazing Erin and Burgess are, as well as male characters individually, but when I really thought about how well the men have been created, I ended up with an entire essay so apologies it’s so long but I just love this show and these guys. Also since there’s been a lot of negativity in light of *cough* recent events, I thought it would be nice to show my appreciation, so here goes. Feel free to add examples/contradictions/points/other ideas etc!!

Something I need to say before beginning: I find it really, really difficult to empathise with male characters. It’s just harder for me to really relate to their issues. And I think a huge reason for this is just that being a female character in these shows and these professions is just harder. And therefore there are a certain amount of fundamental difficulties that each female character has to face, and since being a female in general involves a lot of these struggles, it’s much easier for other women to look at these characters and see themselves in them. Look at Erin and Burgess struggling to keep their hard work and intelligence a more valuable feature to their unit than their bodies. Look at April and Maggie trying not to be undermined by their male, more qualified co-workers - and Manning being a single, working mum. Look at Gabby beating the odds and becoming a firefighter even though no one thinks she can do it because she’s small and female.

And I love that this show can do that: take these vital professions and give them amazing, well developed, multifaceted female characters whose constant struggles are so relatable for any female watching because we’ve all been there.

But what PD does that I just don’t see so much in the others (Fire does it to an extent, but I can’t really think of any examples in Med - although it’s my least favourite and so I’m probably not the best person to make analyses based on it, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) is do the same with the males. And it’s something that I have never seen on a TV show before. There’s no “no-homo” bullshit, there’s no reservations around being friends. They hug each other when they’re worried about them, they do the friendly shoulder squeezes and arm-punches and fist-bumps. They go out for drinks together. They trust each other and look out for each other and they talk to each other about how they feel. And it’s really, really nice to see.

People go the extra mile when writing female characters (although admittedly, as a teenage girl I’m probably not using the widest sample range of TV shows) because they know that either a) their audience is mostly female, or b) they’re worried about sexist accusations. Women have always been victims of horrible media tropes, so I’m so, so glad that they do go this extra mile - I love seeing female friendships more than anything else in the world - but because people are so aware of the issue surrounding female characters, they’ve taken that into consideration, while assuming that there isn’t actually a problem with their male characters.

What Chicago PD does that I think is incredible from a characterisation point of view is they take these archetypal cop characters - the dirty cop (Voight), the by-the-book cop (Antonio), the shell-shocked veteran cop (Halstead), the old-cop young cop (Ruzek and Ollinsky) and the gentle giant (Attwater). **there are more, such as Attwater arguably being the “token minority” and Ruzek being the “fair cop” but you get the idea. They all seem to represent one of the main tropes that are almost always present in cop shows (at least all the ones I’ve watched).

And the show doesn’t subvert the tropes, not exactly - even though doing so would be so much easier - but they three-dimensialise (idk if that’s a word just roll with me here) all the characters on top of these fundamental archetypes. ie:

Voight is a dirty cop. He kills people in the name of justice, he’s used dirty money and lied under oath and done things that probably should have lost him his badge a million times. And yet, he works tirelessly for the protection of his city. He loves his son with everything he has, and his grandson, and his daughter-in-law. He took in a 13(?) year old who’d been hooked on heroin and arrested for solicitation and loves her like she’s his own daughter. He made amends with the guy who put his son in jail. He always, always fights for the underdog and doesn’t let the system take advantage of them. He treats his unit as if they are his “family” - literally his words - and he has formed relationships with every single one of them, bending the rules and putting his neck and badge on the line if they ever do anything wrong or against the rules. (Example: 3x05)

Antonio plays by the rules, that’s just who he is. He believes in the system more than Voight does, arguably because he’s always been on the right side of it. But that doesn’t mean he’s not willing to make compromises if those he really cares about are on the line - he is more than willing to turn a blind eye to other people’s ‘interpretations’ of the law, and he will do everything in his power to fight his way using the rules of the system before he breaks them. (1x02, 3x01)

Halstead’s military history I think is one of the most interesting aspects of this show because he had the potential to turn into a “cold sniper” as I think is the norm with ex-military characters, and yeah, he was affected in ways that we don’t even know - and may never fully understand - by what he saw and did in his tour(s). But he’s so selfless and sweet and supportive. His PTSD and general commitment issues mean that he can’t open up to everyone but he still lets them open up to him, being Erin’s #1 supporter, and he’s finally started to work on looking after his mental health properly and learning how to ask for help. He’s kind and caring and understands the importance of sacrifice and, like Voight, is willing to bend the rules a little bit - even if he’s always there to question Voight’s methods. (3x17, 4x18 - deleted scene)

Ruzek is the token rookie of the show, and the audience is placed in the same boat as him when initially learning the ropes of the unit and how everyone fits. He’s the young and attractive one (I mean….), and he does exhibit those typical rookie traits: he’s rash and reckless and cocky and definitely not as cynical as any of the others, but at the same time he has a huge heart, he’s sweet and caring, and he can be as tough as hell when someone he loves is in danger. He doesn’t have the “tortured romantic” side to him and he has a typical cop family tree, but he’s the person I feel like most people can probably relate to - someone who puts themselves in harm’s way every single day for no reason other than he wants to make a difference. (1x01, 1x11)

Ollinsky is the other dirty cop, although he functions more as an assistant to the dirty cop. He has the tough coldness about him that you would probably expect Jay to have instead, if following these tropes by the book, and he comes across as very sinister and quite scary. And yet he is an absolute darling around Lexi and Michelle and when Lexi died and Meredith was kidnapped, he totally lost control. Despite all the coldness and being closed-off he is perhaps the most emotional of them all, grieving and crying and not caring about how tough he is when someone he loves is threatened. (4x16)

Attwater is the gentle giant of the show and although this doesn’t need much more explaining, he, alongside Erin, is also the token minority of the unit (even more so now that Antonio’s left and Burgess has joined Erin in Intelligence) and although this trope is constantly seen as a bad thing, using a token character to avoid criticism of being racist in casting choices, in PD Attwater opens the door to addressing cases of police racism, corruption and brutality against ethnic minorities, and the episodes in which they do deal with this, Attwater is quick to express his opinion on the matter and challenge within seconds everything that’s wrong with the institution and their society. But on top of all that, he has relatives in prison, he’s expected to be a big tough “scary black man”, but in actuality he looks after his two younger siblings and does stand-up comedy and probably gives the best bear hugs ever.

And the support system that these six men have together (or five, now that Antonio’s left) is incredible to watch. They understand barriers, they know when to push and when to give each other space, they all work together so well in such a potentially toxic environment without even a hint at this hyper-masculinity that is so huge in other cop shows. They’re all just bros.

What’s also great is that even though there’s a lil bit of that bro-masculine culture especially when Erin goes undercover and dresses up all nice, they’re never anything but perfect gentlemen. There’s no teasing and no sexist remarks about her legs or whatever, they all just seem genuinely impressed by how pretty she looks and how well she does her job. Adam even says things like “there’s about a thousand things I could say right now but won’t” because they all respect Erin and Burgess and support them as much as each they do each other. They don’t care if the women do better jobs than them, or save them, or shoot more accurately than them, and they’d never dream of undermining their femininity while doing so.

Other examples of the bros being bros:

Antonio getting Jay into the unit in the first place as a thank you for helping out Gabby (Chicago Fire, season 2 sometime, mentioned later when Antonio leaves)

Voight literally crying on Alvin’s shoulder after Justin’s death

Every single one of Jay and Mouse’s interactions, especially when they talk about their time in the military and Jay realises how much he cares about his friend when Mouse wants to re-enlist and when Mouse is taken hostage (4x05, 3x03)

Antonio and Voight’s entire friendship and the fact that Voight would go to such measures to help Diego even after Antonio was the one to put the cuffs on and send him to jail

Attwater and Ruzek being bros until the end and *sniff* the whole best man thing 

They all buy Antonio a zimmer frame when he gets shot isn’t that just beautiful

Ruzek hugging Al after Lexi’s death and his little “I don’t know what to say” and “can I hug you?” - like he knows Al might just want space but he has to let him know he’s there for him

They all get so upset when Jay is taken. Just watch the scene where they see the video of his torture and their faces break me. They can’t handle the idea that someone so close to them - their brother - is in so much pain. (3x01)

Seriously tho just look at these bros

So I was just gonna write a few paragraphs and sorry this is so long but feel free to add more!! I want to know what everyone else thinks!

[snokesmagicalmusicblog]

After Laughter - Paramore

Hello! Welcome to my first blog post. I’ve been wanting to do something like this for awhile and i finally did it so here we go, my first review, After Laughter by the well known alternative band, Paramore!

Let’s jump right into this, I have been a Paramore fan for 11 years so you could say I was really anticipating this album. They are a band that change their sound every album so it never gets boring but it never loses that genuineness and signature style. 

Hard Times - An excellent pick for the first single. All I can say is WOW. This is one of the best songs I have heard all year, it is perfect for a summer jam. It is obviously about going through tough obstacles but it has this optimistic perspective that the music gives it. It clearly was the best choice for the first song, it lays down the general theme of Hayley’s lyrics throughout the album. It has catchy guitar and disco synths with a drum beat that Zac really helps carry throughout. Honestly I do not know how anyone could listen to this and not have it in their head all day. Do you wanna dance and forget about your life spiraling downward? This ones for you.

Rose-Colored Boy - I really thought this was an 80′s song for the first few seconds, it has this “hey Mickey you’re so fine” type of chanting intro and it absolutely works. The rest of the song doesn’t disappoint with the 80′s nostalgic feel. Again the instrumentation goes so well together. One of my favorite things about this track is Taylor really riffing it up on the guitar and it gives it a more funky groove. This song basically is about someone who just does not have any understanding of being sad or depressed and just kind of pushing you to get over it. With the obvious frustration Hayley says, “Just let me cry a little bit longer, I ain’t gonna smile if I don’t want to!”

Told You So - This one took some time to grow on me. I still find the chorus too weak and too repetitive and I definetely enjoy the verses more. The beat on this one is pretty irresistible and then you have some impressive guitar going all down the neck. Strange enough there is a voice edit of what sounds like sort of an autotune filter and the end of each line during the verses and again, it strangely works. This album does so many risky moves that sound like it would be horrible but just really gives the album character. It’s again relatable much like Rose Colored Boy, basically people will love to tell you when you’re wrong no matter how much you try.

Forgiveness - This song is such a straight up pop song and one could say that there is not a lot going on but honestly the hook is irresistible; I find the chorus extremely irresistible to sing along to. Hayley basically is stating look I try but it’s taking time to forgive you, you really hurt me and it really hits you deep. After the second chorus the back up vocals that are almost beautifully haunting come in and make this song all worth while. While at first this may seem like a snoozer, do not overlook it!

Fake Happy - This song kicks off with a beautiful acoustic opening with Hayley calmly singing in what is more of a depressing tune. Then it kicks off with major synths that really take the lead on this one. The pre-chorus has a catchy rhythm and you can’t miss the little things like when Hayley sings, “If I smile with my TEETH, bet you believe me” Then the guitars in the main chorus kick in and Hayley writes about her issues with people feeling the need to always act like everything is okay. I mean seriously when have we not faked happy? This song takes a chill turn towards the bridge with a soothing “ba da ba ba ba bum” that seems to mix in well for comfort with all of the hints of depression that seems to strike in this song.

26 - This one’s a very powerful, emotional acoustic track that Hayley’s vocals and lyrics that cut through your heart. The evident depression that she has been going through is present and it has a genuine sadness. Hayley sings in the chorus, “Hold onto hope if you got it Don't let it go for nobody, And they say that dreaming is free, But I wouldn't care what it cost me.” Amongst the album’s happy sound that comes with it, the lyrics are real and not exactly positive, this is one of the tracks that really hits you hard because instead of the hopeful sounding synths in the back, you have a tearjerking guitar and beautiful voice longing to hope again. 

Pool - Right form the beginning this was one of my absolute favorite tracks. You get the beautiful percussion and mallets at the beginning and again Taylor delivers with an excellent riff. One of the things Zac always does well is his upbeats with cymbals that make a bright sound, and it really shows in this song. This song just gives you such a rush but by far the best part is the chorus where Hayley’s back up vocals go soft and deep and she sings, “I’m underwater” while the main vocals go “No air in my lungs”. And it just keeps going back and forth with that pattern but the emotion that it brings to me is honestly indescribable, i really recommend this track. 

Grudges - This song relates to the awkwardness that was once between drummer Zac Farro and the band. If you have no history on the members I’ll just let you know it has been a wild ride. Zac was the original drummer and after two albums has come back on this one so it was a big deal. This song is bright and cheerful compared to most of the album and basically stating you just can’t keep holding on to these grudges. It’s one of those songs you just want to clap to like seal when you hear the chorus. I love the hook in this chorus, it’s incredibly catchy and just when you think it gets good ZAC sings back up during the bridge and it compliments the song so well. 

Caught in the Middle - The instrumentation opens this up and flows so well together and you can really hear the bass groove which adds so much to it. Hayley’s first lyrics are, “I Can’t think of getting old it only makes me want to die” Yikes! It just has that no sugar-coated lyrics that we get throughout this whole album and you can tell she’s pouring all of her emotions in this. Being at a time in life where you feel like you’re too young to be a kid and look back but looking ahead is so scary is extremely relatable. Also this chorus has a great hook and gives me a nostalgic feel for older Paramore. 

Idle Worship - This song took me a bit to fully appreciate but I love it. The way Hayley sings on this is so perfect, she sounds annoyed and done, it’s loud and it’s in your face. This chorus could honestly be on the radio like any pop song but it is nowhere near bubble gum pop, it is a super genuine song that still has that ultimate Paramore flare and it has grown to be one of my favorites. Zac really delivers with an awkward challenging beat to drum but he completely kills it. The “la la la la” before the chorus is to die for.

No Friend - This one is an experimental songs with vocals from Aaron Weiss of mewithoutYou. I tried to keep an open mind with this one and I could understand why they put it on here, it gives a trippy different vibe but it just doesn’t work out. This song just sounds nothing more than a filler and I’m so sure that all of the songs that did not make the cut could have taken its place. I cannot really describe this without saying this man literally rambles on and on about Paramore’s career with this weird instrumentation. I honestly thought that it was the illuminati taking over my computer for a minute. Give it a try but I’m not a fan.

Tell Me How - This closing song is another tear jerker that lies on a beautiful piano and solid emotion much like “26″. The song relates to losing band members including Jeremy Davis who had a rough patch with the band after he left. Again this is a wonderful pop song that just cuts right into the heart strings and I think it was the perfect choice for the closer. With all the “hard times” and turmoil that is scattered throughout this record the final line Hayley leaves us with is, “I can still believe”. 

Thank you so much for reading the review! I’m going to give this album a solid 4/5. With my favorites being “Pool”, “Hard Times”, and “Idle Worship”. My least favorite being: “No Friend”. Overall I do think they could have tried a bit harder to make some songs more stylistically different but overall this is a wonderful record. I know there are Paramore fans that are pissed off because this doesn’t sound like “Misery Business” or whatever but that’s what I like about this band. No matter how many times they change their sound it still sounds good and it is still genuine. This is one of the most genuine albums I have ever heard and it does not hold back.

[jinlian]

all your delightful rurouni kenshin blogging recently has brought back all of my deep and loving feelings for this series (honestly it was super formative for me) so can i ask your top 5 rk fic of all time or if you're not a big fic reader top 5 scenes?

💕 oh man – unfortunately no, i’m not a big fic reader, so here are my top five scenes! genuinely a bit of a difficult decision, but ultimately here are the big five that stick with me.

under the cut because I TYPED A LOT

5. “A sword is a weapon. The art of kenjustu is learning how to kill.”

Probably an obvious choice to start as this is a ridiculously iconic scene, but for good reason. It says so much about who Kenshin is, his bizarrely realistic optimism on both kenjutsu and his whole outlook on life. He knows what a sword is and what a sword does. He’s intimately familiar with it. But he doesn’t like it - he wants it to be better - and instead of mocking Kaoru for her naivete, he praises her for it. I don’t think even Kenshin knows if kenjutsu can really change, but he wants to believe that it can.

4. Shin no Ippo

There’s a lot happening when Kaoru breaks through the Shin no Ippo. There’s the obvious understanding that Kaoru actually gets through to Kenshin. He’s arguably dissociating – so angry and desperate to save her that he sinks back inside himself – clearly does not want to kill Jin-eh but will break his vow and do it for Kaoru. He comes back for her. It’s a defining moment both for him alone as well as for their relationship. They haven’t known each other for very long here.

They haven’t known each other for very long and Kaoru cares almost more about Kenshin than her own life. This is a bit extreme way to put it that I don’t think gets it quite right, though I don’t know how to phrase it better; it isn’t that I think she doesn’t care about dying (I doubt Kaoru has any desire to die at all, and as she lasts probably longer than the two minutes Jin-eh gives her she’s fighting it the whole time), but instead of just wanting him to save her as quickly as possible she isn’t just thinking about herself. She’s literally dying and also thinking about what breaking his vow will do to him. 

And there are a couple of things that her breaking out of the Shin no Ippo does: first, of course, that it brings Kenshin back before he kills anyone. It establishes I think how well Kaoru understands, without asking much, how much Kenshin’s vow means to him. As well as for herself! She believes in satsujin-ken, she doesn’t want anyone killed here either. And it establishes Kaoru’s own strength in character and resolve.

Which is important, because it shakes Jin-eh. His Shin no Ippo is all about will, about swordsman’s spirit, and to him that killer instinct. It doesn’t affect Kenshin, of course, because he’s Battousai. He can respect Sano a little, because Sano is a good enough fighter to wiggle around under it. But Kaoru is a girl, who’s never faced the violence of a battlefield, who’s never killed anyone, and she fights him off and eventually tears through it all on her own. It directly challenges him, it challenges everything that he knows, and it basically renders it all pointless.

It’s actually a great moment for Kaoru. It’s great for her compassion, it’s great for her feelings for Kenshin, it’s great for the overall theme of past vs. future, and it’s great for Kaoru herself. She has resolve. Of course she can break through it, and in the end she winds up rescuing Kenshin.

3. “I don’t need some cowering girl to tell me he’s not important to me.”

Honestly, honestly, Megumi confronting Kaoru after Kenshin leaves for Kyoto is such a good scene. It’s difficult to blame Kaoru for taking some time to mope - she’s lost all her family, and Kenshin was the beginning of her new family, and now she’s lost him too. And she’s seventeen. She’s incredibly young. But there’s a point at which she needs to pick herself up.

That it’s Megumi who gets through to her is great, and I know there are all these discussions you can have on how they’re relating over a man but Megumi gets pretty personal here. The moment in which Kaoru challenges her after blocking Megumi’s slap – “Don’t underestimate me, I’m the shihandai of Kamiya Kasshin” – and then Megumi slaps her again, and says “Don’t underestimate me.” It’s. a lot.

And we get a pretty real moment from her again when she tells Kaoru how much her path of atonement means for her, and how her actions and living up to the faith someone has in her speaks to her feelings. I don’t know if Megumi was ever in love with Kenshin, but she certainly loves him.

And finally she points out that Kenshin’s leaving hurt everyone. It’s important, and Kenshin’s leaving without farewells was pretty selfish. Not that he didn’t have his own and good reasons for doing it, but it was. Especially on top of his choosing one person to see over anyone else – it’s selfish! And it hurts! And Megumi is allowed to feel that hurt, too.

4. “To Tomoe-san – the same as Kaoru-dono. ‘Thank you,’ and ‘sorry’… and ‘goodbye.’”

THIS IS SO BIG FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED? It’s such a quiet, intimate moment. I think it’s probably safe to say that at this point Kenshin and Kaoru have either directly addressed their romantic feelings for each other or at the very least are fully aware of them, but where they each stand individually and where they stand with each other. And she goes with him to his wife’s grave. He asked her to go, she accepted, and they went together for what must have been a very emotional, very personal moment. 

And they pray for her together.

I believe that Tomoe and Kaoru were both very right for Kenshin at the time that they each met him and where he was in his life - just as he was right for them for the same reasons. He doesn’t love either one of them any more than the other: the circumstances are just what the were. And all the parties involved know that. Kaoru thanks Tomoe. She thanks Tomoe for saving her, she thanks Tomoe for saving Kenshin, she thanks Tomoe for sending him on the path that brought him to her when she needed him. She doesn’t know Tomoe, but in a lot of ways I think she loves her, too.

And then there’s Kenshin. Kenshin doesn’t look as somber nor as conflicted as he does when he visits her alone after Kyoto. He’s peaceful. He’s finally found an answer and peace and a path to atonement, and Tomoe’s memory isn’t haunting him with guilt any more: he’s able to live remembering her in peace, and remembering her with love. He thanks her - he apologizes to her - and finally he says farewell. Which is absolutely enormous. It’s not that he’ll never come back to her grave to remember her and pay his respects, it’s that he’s accepting her as dead and as a memory instead of horrible crushing guilt of the past. He’s letting go. He’s moving forward. And after ten+ very long, hard years, he’s finally found a way to do that.

He offers a hand to Kaoru and asks her to go home together.

2. Kenshin’s answer 

where even to begin with this one

Enishi is screaming at Kenshin, bringing back the horrible guilt of Tomoe’s death, telling Kenshin to kill himself, demanding that Kenshin’s death is the only thing that will make any of this better, any of his victims happy

and Kenshin stands up, looks Enishi in the eye, and says “I am more than this.” Where’s the line – “Himura Kenshin’s life is not meant for atonement alone”??? Kenshin, who’s been struggling almost his entire life with finding a purpose, who’s been wracked with guilt and desperately devoting his life to atonement and trying to find something that helps him continue on, actually looks the brother of the woman he loved and killed in the eye and says, “I have my own life, too.”

IT’S HUGE. IT’S LIFE AFFIRMING. IT’S AN INCREDIBLE MOMENT FOR KENSHIN’S CHARACTER. THIS IS GENUINELY SO MOVING AND WONDERFUL and like even Kenshin says it, he doesn’t know if it’s going to lead to redemption, he doesn’t know how either his life or death will turn out, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get to try. He gets to live life the way he sees fit, too.

1. The people who continue to believe in you are waiting for you! 

I don’t even know if I can write about this - this is #1 my all-time favorite, defining moment in the series. Kenshin is broken. He’s exhausted. He’s literally lost everything so many times over. He’s failed so many times over. He’s been sitting with untreated wounds for days. He doesn’t even have the energy to die. He’s just done. He’s literally chained his sword, the expression of himself and of his soul.

(It’s a pretty Extra thing to do, when you think about it, lol. Getting rid of it or destroying it isn’t right. He has to keep it on him – chained. A reminder. A symbol. His failure)

His friends come to him and demand for him to stand up. They yell at him for his behavior, challenge him, push him. They promise revenge. They promise action. And Kenshin is unresponsive, because this isn’t what he needs, he just wants to be left alone, please he can’t do this any more please please please -

But what gets him to stand? A little girl. Saying nothing about revenge, about what he “should” be doing, demanding anything from him, just asking. Pleading for his help to save another. This is what finally moves him – when a small voice asking for help breaks through his cloud, and Kenshin can no longer sit still, he breaks his chains and stands.

[callmehawkeye]

Watched in 2018

The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story (Season 1): I didn’t expect to adore this as much as I did. Everyone knocked their roles out of the park. Crushes for dayyyyys.

The Keepers (2017): A serial documentary about the unsolved murder of Sister Cathy Cesnik and the most-likely possible connection of systematic abuse at the Catholic school she taught at.

Mindhunter (Season 1): Dramatization of the FBI in the late ‘70s as the Behavioral Science Unit developed their profiling and understanding of serial killers.

Roots (1977): I remember watching a bit of this mini-series in middle school and needing a signed permission slip. But that’s the extent of it. Happy I finally got a chance to watch it all the way through.

All the Money in the World (2017): Gorgeous film, noteworthy performances. I’m happy to give my money to a filmmaker who made a decision not many would try. I respect Scott a whole lot more now.

Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey (Season 1): The show’s budget is bananas and I love everything about it. SCIENCE RULES.

Proud Mary (2018): I found the trailer to be rather misleading in that I didn’t exactly get what I paid for. The genre was definitely more drama than action and Taraji was great, although I wished she had more screen time instead of the focus being on tired plot points and themes.

Mary and the Witch’s Flower (2018): More witchy cartoons, please. This was delightful.

Bill Nye Saves the World (Season 1): BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!

Bill Nye Saves the World (Season 2.1): I can’t believe how good this is. It’s so open-minded and clever and validating.

The Watcher in the Woods (2017): The remake certainly isn’t as good as the original; it strips away too much of the mystery. But please cast Anjelica Huston in more projects, please please please. She’s still so captivating. 

Luke Cage (Season 1): I feel like Mahershala Ali is what mostly held my attention......... And then.........

Lowriders (2016): I had an opinion about this, I’m sure. But I don’t remember this movie at all now.

Human Planet (Mini-Series): BBC docuseries about how people adjust to their natural environments.

 Maria Bamford: The Special Special Special (2014): Maria’s slow return to standup by performing in her parents’ living room.

Los Angeles Plays Itself (2003): In-depth documentary of Los Angeles’ place in film history.

Maria Bamford: Old Baby (2017): Maria’s latest standup special that begins in front of the mirror, progresses to a small backyard crowd, and evolves to a full theater set.

Black Panther (2018): WAKANDA FOREVER!!! This better get some recognition come awards season for the visuals.

Chris Rock: Tamborine (2018): Some of his jokes fall flat, but he’s still engaging and it’s good to see Rock on stage again.

Queer Eye (Season 1): I have done nothing good enough in my life to deserve the wholesome goodness of this show.

Annihilation (2018): It’s not perfect, but not deserving of the backlash it got from its own studio. This was a perfect, immersive sci-fi thriller on par for me as the likes of Alien.

The Killing of America (1981): The brutal, graphic documenting of America’s violence problem in a condensed timeframe starting with the JFK assassination and ending on the murder of John Lennon.

A Wrinkle in Time (2018): There are many intricacies from the novel that I disagree with being excluded from this film adaptation. HOWEVER. It made me feel all the same feelings I did from when I first read the book as a child. I ADORED it.

Pacific Rim Uprising (2018): Okay. Buckle in. I have a lot of feelings to the point where I’m updating my film list of the year immediately afterwards and not waiting to stack up a good amount of viewings to justify an update. It was horrible. Third time in my life I ever walked out of a theater. Second time I’ve ever asked for a refund from a movie theater in my life. I don’t know why I’m so righteously disappointed. I didn’t expect it to have Guillermo’s direction nor heart; but it so thoroughly missed the mark I can already say in mid-March that it’s my biggest disappointment of the year. It was void of any charm the original had, took its faults that I recognized and viewed and magnified it by a trillion. It felt like an unfinished television pilot. DIAF.

Ready Player One (2018): Spielberg tried his best to make a better version of the novel, but it just felt soulless.

A Quiet Place (2018): One of the better horror movies I’ve seen in some time. I’m so proud of John Krasinski.

Love, Simon (2018): This was such a solid romantic comedy, I can’t even find a way to summarize it.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (Season 2): The best original series Netflix has. Don’t @ me.

The Family I Had (2017): The true recounting of a mother whose 13 year old son killed his 3 year old sister.

Genie: Secret of the Wild Child (1997): Documentary of the alias-named child Genie who was isolated and uncared for, for 13 years by her parents.

Rampage (2018): Delightfully stupid, but made me realize I can never go to an IMAX screening again because it was just like having someone shriek in my ear for two hours.

Isle of Dogs (2018): So beautiful, sweet, and heart-warming. 

Welcome to Leith (2015): Unenlightened hypocrisy at its finest -- white supremacists try to make a small town their sanctuary only to be aghast no one wants them there.

The Avengers: Infinity War (2018): In typical Marvel Avengers films fashion (this is a comment excluding the standalone character films -- not Civil War, please, they stole Captain’s movie from him), it’s over-bloated and the good sum of its parts does not a good movie make.

The Americans (Season 1): I’ve forgotten to add this.

The Americans (Season 2): I marathoned everything.

The Americans (Season 3): To make it to the season 6 premiere in time.

The Americans (Season 4): It was great.

The Americans (Season 5): And then season 6 happened.

John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous: The most relatable standup I’ve ever seen and now quote daily.

Billy Nye Saves the World (Season 3): BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!

Evil Genius (2018): Docu-series about the murder of Brian Wells, also known as the collar bomb case.

Deadpool 2 (2018): It’s not better than the first one, but it was a breath of fresh air in the superhero fatigue I’m in.

Born in China (2017): Nature documentary focusing on some of China’s most famous animals, narrated by my boo John Krasinski.

Death Becomes Her (1992): Ridiculous and good camp.

The Girl Can’t Help It (1956): A fairly good fluff film about the entertainment industry with a solid fucking soundtrack.

Bell, Book, and Candle (1958): My aesthetic.

Near Dark (1987): A refreshingly different vampire movie with Bill Paxton shining in the center of it all.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Season 4): I wish this entire show was just Titus.

Chef’s Table (Season 1): Glorious, glorious food and the methods of the people who make it.

Chef’s Table (Season 2): I can’t get enough of this series. But it just makes me sad none of these restaurants are down the street from me.

Chef’s Table (Season 3): This season includes Jeong Kwan. And I would die for her.

Arrested Development (Season 5): Sigh. I guess this is fine.

Ocean’s 8 (2018): Not my favorite heist movie. Not gay enough. Still a decent sit.

The Staircase (2018): The docu-series returned this year with new episodes. It’s a very back and forth issue for me.

Queer Eye (Season 2): This is the only show that matters anymore.

The Incredibles 2 (2018): Not a bad sequel. Very entertaining and I laughed a lot. Not a lot of the usual Pixar emotion, however.

Carmen Esposito: Rape Jokes (2018): I haven’t had a cathartic laugh this good since Tig Notaro’s Live.

Chef’s Table (Season 4): I’m crying because it’s all so beautiful.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (2018): I cried throughout this entire, lovely, tender-hearted documentary about a perfect man.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018): I left in the last 20 minutes to get an alcoholic beverage and didn’t return because fuck it, I was so damn bored.

A Star is Born (1976): Eh, at least we got Evergreen out of this.

Gaga: Five Foot Two (2017): This revitalized my respect for the woman.

Breathless (1960): I can see how this was so influential. Very romantic and wonderful outfits.

Tag (2018): I laughed so hard, and I haven’t enjoy a straight-up recently released comedy in so long.

Let No Man Write My Epitaph (1960): Can’t lie, at the 40 minute mark, I couldn’t believe there was another full hour of this slog left and turned it off.

Nailed It (Season 1): Comedic genius.

Nailed It (Season 2): Let Nicole Byers host everything.

Black Sunday (1960): May I present to you, my new favorite movie. It has everything I need.

Murder on the Orient Express (1974): Wow. Wow wow wow. Why did they remake this movie? This version was perfect and so, so superior in every way. I think I cried at one point?

Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922): A documentary with excellent reenactments that made me think, “How’d this get past the Hays’ Code?!!?” before realizing it was an import.

Whitney (2018): Documentary about the woman herself with the people who were there with her through it all. I’m shocked by some of the things people admitted to on-camera and that they got Bobby to say anything at all. Denial runs deep. It was excellent to see her live shows on the big screen.

The Vietnam War (2017): An 18-hour documentary series that follows every year and major milestone of the war. Very bipartisan, honest, and I learned a lot.

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018): Legitimately entertaining and a great refresh from Infinity War (which I hated).

The Witches (1966): Joan Fontaine is in the midst of a small-town conspiracy when she moves in as the new school teacher. Spoiler! The answer is the occult.

Jim Jefferies: This is Me Now (2018): Not bad, but didn’t encourage me to find another of his specials. It’s fine.

Hannah Gadsby: Nanette (2018): Challenge the form more!! This was so inspiring.

Growing Up Wild (2016): Disneynature division really needs new footage. Daveed Diggs was at least a great narration choice.

Sorry to Bother You (2018): Not at all what I was expecting -- although I did expect to like it and that was indeed met. I want to tell you nothing. Go in blind.

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018): How do these movies continue to be the best thing Sandler is attached to in near a decade?? They honestly retain the level of quality film to film. I love it all.

Iliza Shlesinger: Elder Millennial (2018): I cried I laughed so hard.

Paint Your Wagon (1969): Clint Eastwood singing!! Polyamorous cowboys!!

Mission: Impossible -- Fallout (2018): I want more action movies like this. The stunts and fights were just so beautiful. I can’t express how great this movie is and how well it works in the genre. I wish there were more like this.

Eighth Grade (2018): One of the more honest teenage-centric films about being a teenager in recent memory. So cathartic. So proud of Bo Burnham.

Grace and Frankie (Season 1): I literally love everyone more in this entire cast.

Grace and Frankie (Season 2): Powering through because I’m still waiting for my shows to come back and I’m watching it between episode breaks from Black Mirror to lighten my mood.

Dark Tourist (Season 1): It’s horrifying in about 40% of the cases for me; but god does it make me want to travel again.

The Meg (2018): Do you want to see Jason Statham fight a fuckign shark?! Of course you do. This was genuinely a fun film to watch.

BlacKkKlansman (2018): Spike Lee’s best in years. Beautiful filmmaking.

Crazy Rich Asians (2018): I loved this so goddamn much. This is what a good romantic comedy looks like. More like this, please, Hollywood. Romcoms can be good, respected, and worthy of praise if the effort is there!!

Black Mirror (Series 1): Well, shit. The first episode was overhyped to me but overall, I’m not disappointed in waiting so long to finally start this.

Black Mirror (Series 2): This show is fucking addictive.

Grace and Frankie (Season 3): This show is so pure and funny.

Black Mirror (Series 3): Contains my favorite episode I’ve ever watched of anything ever. 

Black Mirror (Series 4): Give. Me. Mooooore!!!

Sylvia Plath: Inside The Bell Jar (2018): A short documentary about Plath’s life surrounding her writing of her famous book.

Destination Wedding (2018): Two of my favorite people act out what is quite possibly what would be designed to be my life were it suddenly a romantic comedy. Love is stupid! I’m a cynic and happy in my cynicism! ...BUUUUT.

Searching (2018): This is like a very well-done, well-acted, well-budgeted ID channel original movie. I had a great time watching it.

Grace and Frankie (Season 4): I hope I have as much game as Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin do when I’m their age.

Black Narcissus (1947): Absolutely beautiful technicolor and impending dread. But then BOOM! 1940s blackface.

Night of the Eagle (1962): Delightfully bizarre.

Slice (2018): Modern B movie. I loved the concept more than the execution: I loved the ensemble so much, but they somehow didn’t have enough of any of them in it.

Leave Her to Heaven (1945): The Original Amazing Amy!

A Simple Favor (2018): I am so excited about how unexpectedly fun, entertaining, and even compelling this film was.

Sharp Objects (Mini-Series): A tough, but addicting sit. I watched the entire series in one go.

Strong Enough to Break (2006): The behind the scenes documentary of Hanson being put on hold by their record company for a three-year span which lead to frustrations and the eventual formation of their independent company.

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018): This movie wasn’t bad. But I feel like I’ve seen and read better takes on this type of story/stories before.

The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972): Harold, they’re lesbians. 

RBG (2018): An awe-inspiring individual receiving the documentary she deserves.

White Zombie (1932): Bela Lugosi puts a voodoo curse on Madge Bellamy. 

Castle Rock (Season 1): I sincerely hope this is a sign of the times that the success of IT is going to bring about more and more Stephen King-inspired media.

The Haunting of Hill House (Season 1): Please please PLEASE don’t do a second season. This was so cathartic and splendid on its own.

The Mummy (1932): I grew up with the Brendan Fraser one, but this was just delightful.

The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell (Season 1): Quite possibly my favorite tv watch of the year.

Love, Gilda (2018): Documentary taking a look at the life of Gilda Radner with lots of lovely, private home videos. My favorites were of her and Gene together.

The Exorcist (1973): Yes. My first time watching it from beginning to end and in full. It’s an entertaining sit for the acting and practical effects!

Hush (2016): I already ranted about this on my Twitter, but god this was patronizing and horribly cast. It had such potential so it was vastly disappointing. 

Dog Soldiers (2002): This is the perfect example of how if I’m told the ending, I just don’t find any enjoyment in watching it. Sigh.

Ghost Stories (2017): And this is the perfect example that if you overdo the slow burn, I’m going to pull up the film’s Wikipedia summary and spoil myself so I don’t have to sit through it anymore.

Fahrenheit 451 (2018): It’s too bad this wasn’t good. Lost a lot of its nuance. 

Halloween (2018): THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANT OUT OF A HORROR MOVIE/SEQUEL. I LOVED EVERYTHING. I LOVED EVERYONE. I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH, JAMIE LEE CURTIS.

Like Father (2018): The only good part was the acting in the scene between Kristen Bell and Kelsey Grammer at the waterfall. The rest was just an obvious 1990s script dusted off. Complete with minority stereotypes that have nothing better to do with their lives than to help the poor, messy white girl.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018): I always get so, super excited when I find a good romantic comedy. This is wholesome, relies on clichés but makes them its own, has wonderful characters played by great actors, and I cannot wait for the sequel.

Solo (2018): Forgettable.

Suspiria (2018): It had a rocky start, but I believe this very well could make my end of the year list. I adored 94% of it.

Corrina, Corrina (1994): They should have leaned into the romance more.

Bonjour Tristesse (1958): GOD Jean Seberg was GORGEOUS. 

Jane the Virgin (Season 1): I finally got spoiled by something pretty big, so I gave up not searching the tags for this show and putting these out of sequence -- I love this show. It’s right up there for me with Parks and Recreation, The Office, Parks and Recreation, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. There is no character I dislike unless specifically, unequivocally written for me to. It’s so engaging and charming and hits all of my requisites to be loyal to a show ‘til the end.

Jane the Virgin (Season 2): Team Michael and trying to catch up before the final season premieres.

Nailed It! Holiday! (2018): God I’m crying with laughter. Nicole Byer should be so much more famous.

Jane the Virgin (Season 3): Almost caught up and loving it!

On the Basis of Sex (2018): My favorite movie to see on Christmas. Well acted. Well paced. Loved RBG’s cameo at the end. I think it was a great depiction.

Mary Poppins Returns (2018): It was fun in the moment, but the more I sit with it, the less I remember of this movie -- much like the songs as soon as the next scene happened. It’s such a tall order to follow up Mary Poppins. Emily Blunt is dipped in gold as usual, but it’s sort of a middle tier installment in the new line of Disney remakes/reboots. Great dancing and spectacle. But just okay overall.

Creed II (2018): Now if you’re just gonna do the same thing over and over with new generations, this is how you do it. 

Widows (2018): My last movie of the year. Such great performances. I wish there was more to see with the female cast -- this would have been great as a limited series (such as the one it’s based on).

2017 | 2016 | 2015 | 2014