#so i can get up to whatever i want in there without worrying about my cats mucking it up

[beffrmin]

SKZ OT8 Smut Headcannons.

Hey, so I am a new writer.. let's not hate too much? Everything I write is just what I imagine from their personalities.. and how I will get used to writing them, for right now.. so yeah.

For my beginning, first post, or whatever you want to call this.. I want to establish that this is just for fun.. I do not mean harm to any of the idols I write about. This is just from a curious and open mind.

This is set up kind of like one of those "pick your poison," kind of posts, so just go down the list and find your bias if that is all your here for.. if not, then with your interest here as someone looking for stories, this is going to be how their sexual preferences are for these fictions. Before I make a full story, I will upload bits and pieces of small stories to adjust with writing their personalities.

So, without a further a due :

‼️WARNIGS:‼️ This is sexual content and only 18+ should interact with this.‼️MDNI‼️If you are easily disturbed by BDSM and/or anything besides vanilla sex, this content is not for you.‼️

Thank you...

Christopher Chan Bahng. ؛ ଓ

˙ᵕ˙ Basics..

ᝰ.ᐟ "Nah, let's just wrap 'em up." Listen, he has seven grown ass children.. take the damn condom or get no dick.

ᝰ.ᐟ Daddy Dom. It's undeniable at this point. Chan likes being called daddy, he likes taking care of you, after he has wrecked you. He likes being able to discipline you, when you act out.

ᝰ.ᐟ Face-off. This is his favorite position. He likes you in his lap, facing him, while he sat straight up, fucking into you. Yes, usually it would be riding.. but Chan isn't really into that, he wants to control your orgasms and make you cry.

ᝰ.ᐟ Boobs or Ass? Ass.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-ons..

ᝰ.ᐟ Angry Sex. Let's just say, he enjoys this so much, he'll sometimes picks fights with his members, just to come home and fuck all of that anger into the mattress with you.

ᝰ.ᐟ Light Bondage. Bondage gets very iffy with Chan. He doesn't want to hurt you, so his quick fix to it is truly a way you can enjoy it and he doesn't have to worry too much.. he will only tie the wrist and the ankles.

ᝰ.ᐟ Pet names and Praises. Not many things turn Chan on, that are non-sexual.. but when he does something for you and you use just the right pet-name, praising him for it.. he feels the heat picks up and he just wants to fuck you right there..

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-offs..

ᝰ.ᐟ Humiliation. He hates this, not only for you, but for him too. He hates having to humiliate you or your sex life, just to get off. It makes him feel icky and he goes soft. It's intimate and he wants to make you feel that way.

ᝰ.ᐟ Impact Play. If he needs to discipline you, he will in other ways. He doesn't feel right laying a hand on you, even if you consent to it. It's just the type of man he is.

Lee Minho. ؛ ଓ

˙ᵕ˙ Basics..

ᝰ.ᐟ "Fuck the condom, I don't care.." No, because he actually despises condoms.

ᝰ.ᐟ Bratty and, slightly, Sadistic Dom. Minho is a Brat tramer who responds to a Brat, by being bratty. He also can be extremely sadistic. You're bratting him in public? "Don't make me fuck your slutty cunt, right here in front of everybody, baby.."

ᝰ.ᐟ Missionary. This is his favorite position, mostly, because he does have a lot of control in this position. Plus, when he cums inside of you, it feels almost primal to him in that position. The most intimate.

ᝰ.ᐟ Boobs or Ass? Boobs.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-ons..

ᝰ.ᐟ Control. Minho loves watching you crawl and beg for him. He loves to play the games. Anyway he can control you, he will try. Mind games, humiliation, or even dirty talk. He just likes watching you get flushed.

ᝰ.ᐟ Thigh Riding. He will sit there for hours, watching you use his thigh to rut against. He will sit there and rock you back and forth, while he palms at himself and whispers dirty approvals to you.

ᝰ.ᐟ Dumbification. Minho will give the most shit eating grin during sex if he realizes he made you go dumb, which, at that point, leads to his agenda being: make her into a zombie.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-offs..

ᝰ.ᐟ Blood Play. He is a freak, but Minho draws a solid line at the sight of blood. That is just not his cup of tea and he panics the moment he sees it. He wants to be rough with you, not hurt you.

ᝰ.ᐟ Knife Play. Knife Play equals drawing blood, which equals a solid, hard no from Minho.

Seo Changbin. ؛ ଓ

˙ᵕ˙ Basics..

ᝰ.ᐟ "I'll just pull out." There is really no telling with Bin, he might wear one or he might not.

ᝰ.ᐟ Brat Tamer. Changbin loves a challenge. His challenge is often you. Which means, for him to be able to break you into a bed, he has to get you to behave right.. which is mostly physical restraint.

ᝰ.ᐟ Up Against the Wall. Legs wrapped around him, while he thrusts into you, while you against the wall. It's his favorite position, mostly, because it shows you how strong he is.. being able to pick you up and fuck you like that.

ᝰ.ᐟ Boobs or Ass? Both.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-ons..

ᝰ.ᐟ Filming. He loves to film you and the intimate time that goes in between the two of you. He doesn't post it. No, he just saves it for his own later uses, but he loves the films a little more, knowing he had your trust while filming it.

ᝰ.ᐟ Marking. Bin isn't really a jealous person. He knows all to well that you would never cheat on him.. but other men have wandering eyes and he doesn't like that too much. So, hickeys and bite marks. Everywhere. His pants get tighter every time he sees one.

ᝰ.ᐟ Power Play. As much as Bin hates to admit it, he really does have a thing for out-powering you. He likes knowing he could bend you over at any minute to fuck you senseless.. so sometimes you please him with a little free-use here and there.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-offs..

ᝰ.ᐟ Sharing. This is a big no from Changbin. To be honest with you, if you even bring the idea up to him, he might low-key crash the fuck out on you. He isn't too fond of having to share what is his, especially with his dumbass members.

ᝰ.ᐟ Impact Play. Listen.. Bin is strong, he doesn’t want to accidentally hurt you in some shape or form. He would rather just avoid it at all costs. He will physically restrain you all day, but hitting is something he won’t do.

Hwang Hyunjin. ؛ ଓ

˙ᵕ˙ Basics..

ᝰ.ᐟ "If you don't care, I won't use it.." Yeah, Hyunjin is a firm believer that it feels so much better without a condom.

ᝰ.ᐟ Voyeurism Dom. He is the kind of man who wants to watch you touch yourself for hours, torturing you with the fact that he could make you feel so much better than toys and fingers.

ᝰ.ᐟ Cowgirl. This is his favorite position, mostly for the reason he can see all of you. He loves watching you fuck yourself on his cock.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-ons..

ᝰ.ᐟ Threesomes. This is something he suggests.. not to get another girl in for, but to get Felix in for. This man actually loves watching another man take you. It makes him feel even better when he's watching you take him and his best friend at the same time.

ᝰ.ᐟ Oral Fixation. He gives amazing head.. like ungodly, unreal, great head. But he has a fixation with watching you suck him off.. it's like he's more into watching you do it, rather than the actual pleasure that comes from it.

ᝰ.ᐟ Cum Play. He will cum inside you.. fuck it in some.. play it while it is sobbing out of your pussy.. keep fucking it in.. then out of nowhere, rub it onto your tits and lips.. then continue to fuck his cum into you.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-offs..

ᝰ.ᐟ Bondage. Yeah, uhm, he is terrified of hurting you in any way, at all, whatsoever. He said, "I love you, but no. It can cut your circulation and I don't feel comfortable doing that to you." He was at least respectful.

ᝰ.ᐟ Impact Play. Also for the same reasons as bondage. He just doesn't feel comfortable laying a hand on you in a way that could hurt you. It would honestly make him feel like shit.

Han Jisung. ؛ ଓ

˙ᵕ˙ Basics..

ᝰ.ᐟ "Shit.. I forgot the condom again.." He tries to use one, but Jisung gets so pussy-drunk, he just totally blanks putting one on.

ᝰ.ᐟ Pleasure Dom. He wants you shaking. His main focus is you and your pleasure. This can often get mistaken as a service dom, but the difference is a pleasure dom is more pussy-drunk and much more gentle.

ᝰ.ᐟ Face-sitting. He doesn't exactly have a favorite position.. he just wants you to sit on his face. That is the only way he wants you and prefers to have you: humping your clit into his nose, while he tongue devours your core.

ᝰ.ᐟ Boobs or Ass? Pussy.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-ons..

ᝰ.ᐟ Face-fucking. Listen, Jisung isn't rough.. but when you brought up the idea, he was iffy on it. Well, turns out he fucking loves it. He feels bad making you cry and hurting you, but he can't get over how pretty you sound gagging and choking on his cock. He always apologizes right after.

ᝰ.ᐟ Moaning. He goes feral the moment he hears you moan. It like flicks this switch in his head and he starts going deeper.. then deeper.. then next thing you know he is starting to speed up.

ᝰ.ᐟ Marking. His is a bit different from the usual marking kink. Jisung really loves finding scratch marks on him after sex, he later brags about them to Minho.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-offs..

ᝰ.ᐟ Roleplay. Jisung is not the biggest fan of it. Not for the reason he hates it, but he really can't take it seriously enough to stay hard. He would start laughing and try to understand how this was how you wanted to enjoy your night, instead of him giving you a toe curling orgasm.

ᝰ.ᐟ Impact Play. Also, just not the biggest fan of it. He doesn't really like the idea of raising his hands at a woman. The most physical he will get is light tugs to your hair, but hitting is stepping a line for him.

Lee Felix. ؛ ଓ

˙ᵕ˙ Basics..

ᝰ.ᐟ "Com'on, darlin'.. we need to be careful.." The thought of becoming a father scares Felix..

ᝰ.ᐟ Service Dom. His pleasure is completely your pleasure. That is how he gets off to you. He has little things he asks for, but most of the time his focus, is your pleasure.

ᝰ.ᐟ Missionary. This is what feels most natural to him. It's his way of showing you all of his love, plus he loves eye contact.

ᝰ.ᐟ Boobs or Ass? Both.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-ons..

ᝰ.ᐟ Anal. This was a shock to you. When he asked you to roll over, you thought this man was going to be hitting it from the back and all you got was a pop and a cock into the ass. He just has a thing for ruining every hole.

ᝰ.ᐟ Cock-warming. This was something that you two found out accidentally. More like, you found out accidentally, he was just trying to game. Now, every time he games, you have to be there sitting pretty and still for him.

ᝰ.ᐟ Breath Play. He surprised this one on you, but you didn't debunk. It was extremely iffy to be honest. You two looked into it a little better and next thing you know, Felix loved it. He loved the feeling of you panting and trying to catch your breath underneath him.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-offs..

ᝰ.ᐟ Blood Play. Felix just doesn't want to hurt you. This also disqualifies knife play. He does not like the thought of hurting you or making you bleed.

ᝰ.ᐟ Impact Play. Same thing as the blood play. It doesn't sit right with him, raising a hand at a woman for no reason, not even for his own pleasure.

Kim Seungmin. ؛ ଓ

˙ᵕ˙ Basics..

ᝰ.ᐟ "I am not trying to be like Chan." Yeah, don't try to convince him otherwise.

ᝰ.ᐟ Rigger Dom. What can he say? He has a thing for ropes. Most of all, he loves seeing you in ropes. He has every ounce of control when he is on top of you and you're restrained down. That's a type of trust that lights a fire in him.

ᝰ.ᐟ Arched Doggy. Face down, ass up, hands tied behind your back, that's the way he loves to fuck.

ᝰ.ᐟ Boobs or Ass? Boobs.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-ons..

ᝰ.ᐟ Mirror Sex. He made you get a mirror in your bedroom, that way he could watch himself fuck you. Both of you have mirrors in your rooms, facing the bed for this purpose. Seungmin will even go as far as to grab your hair and force your head up to watch.

ᝰ.ᐟ Cum Denial. This is the real Seungmin now.. ties you up, teases you for hours on end, just for his pleasure. He likes seeing you writhe away into the bed, making you cry, as he pulls the vibrator back to deny you again.

ᝰ.ᐟ Dacryphilia. His dick twitches the moment he sees tears during sex. He will do everything to make more of them slip. Seungmin has the firm belief that you look beautiful when you cry.. plus, he has to be doing a good job, if you're crying about it.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-offs..

ᝰ.ᐟ Bodily Fluids or Vile. This means no blood, no piss, no shit. He doesn't do that nasty shit. He would rather have sex with Changbin, before you try to arouse him with your bodily fluids.

ᝰ.ᐟ Feet. This man will not kiss you head to toe. This man will kiss you head to shin, before he starts gagging, because, he is way too close to a foot. He loves you, there is nothing wrong with your feet, he just hates feet.

Yang Jeongin. ؛ ଓ

˙ᵕ˙ Basics..

ᝰ.ᐟ "Okay, baby.. if you insist." Jeongin wanted the condom at first, but it was so easy to talk him out of it.

ᝰ.ᐟ Gentle Dom. He's sweet. Like everything he does is in your mind. Everything he does is out of love for you. That's what makes him so special. Every touch, he appreciates you like some masterpiece.

ᝰ.ᐟ Cunnilingus. Jeongin doesn't have a favorite position. He likes to eat you out. Right between your legs, while you lay back doing whatever you want. Your thighs squish his head, just a bit, every time something feels just a little too good. That is what he wants.

ᝰ.ᐟ Boobs or Ass? Thighs.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-ons..

ᝰ.ᐟ Public Sex. This is the freakiest he has gotten. Every time you guys are out, he wants inside your pants. For some reason, he has the biggest fixation with quickies when the Kids are nearby. He'll hear one of them coming and, "Baby, come sit on my lap.."

ᝰ.ᐟ Praising. He loves praising you. He found out if he praises you at just the right time and with the right words, your walls hug him in ways that make him nearly bust.

ᝰ.ᐟ Breeding. After suggesting no condoms to this boy, he was a bit nervous about it.. then you realized it awoken something in him. That being, he really likes the idea and the risk of filling you, stuffing you, and possibly.. getting you pregnant. It's just a fantasy of his.

˙ᵕ˙ Turn-offs..

ᝰ.ᐟ Pet Play. He isn't kink shaming, he just doesn't get the point in it. He thinks it's something a little strange and it isn't something he really wants to test the waters with.

ᝰ.ᐟ Sharing. Jeongin does not show it, but he is a jealous person. He doesn't like other men looking at you, why would he be okay with them sleeping with you? You are his and his alone. And he's pussy-whipped.

[thecatchat]

Free fic idea because I know I'm going to run out of energy if I try to write it myself.

Takes place after the realized ending. I don't know what the cannon ending is but I'm imagining they definitely buy a bar together and name it The Breaker Box, but they eventually realize that running a human bar requires more than two people, no matter how much they try. So they hire a small amount of staff, I'm thinking no more than 4 people.

This would be a 5 times someone learned something new (or odd) about their bosses and the 1 time it made sense/someone put it all together.

1. Volt and Eddie kiss in front of a homophobic costumer, revealing that they're a couple to the employees.

2. Eddie adopts an orange alley cat and names them Copper. Copper disappears for a few days and Eddie is fine (he's overworking himself with worry. He's replacing lightbulbs whenever he can get away with it, none of them are actually burnt out.) When Copper comes back, they drop 3 kittens in Eddie's lap and curl up at his feet. ("I'm not a cat dad, I'm a cat uncle at most.") The kittens names all relate to electricity. Due to this, Volt or Eddie reveal that electricity, or even specifically a breaker box, was the reason they met in the first place and refuse to elaborate.

Rest under the cut because it got really long.

3. The staff are invited to a team building thing, it could be a party or an escape room or whatever. Point is: there are black lights illuminating the space. Volt sees his reflection under black light, sees how his hair looks like it's glowing and shuts down? Maybe even starts crying without realizing it? Either way, when Eddie is going to comfort him, one of the employees hear Volt say "my hair is glowing again." Or something along those lines. The employees learn that Volt has an emotional reaction to his white hair glowing.

4. One night, the breaker trips due to a storm and Eddie runs off to fix it almost like a mad man. Volt is caught up keeping the guests calm and entertained so when it takes Eddie a while, an employee goes to check on him. They find him staring angrily/confused at the breaker box and mumbling like he's missing something. The employee flips the switch on the breaker and Eddie is startled out of his trance. When asked why he didn't flip the switch he's like "I- I couldn't feel it." Now he's shut down and/or tearing up. The employee panics a bit, puts a cat on him then goes and tells Volt what's happening. The employees aren't sure what they've learned, but it's definitely something.

5. Somebody gets a little violent/rowdy at the bar or an after closing repair goes a little wrong and Eddie or Volt gets hurt, dealers choice. Now, I think realization shouldn't come without its quirks, some more obvious than others. For Volt and Eddie, I think their blood should be blue. Our blood looks red because when the iron in it oxidizes with air it becomes a red color. If the blood has copper instead of iron, like Horseshoe Crab blood, it appears blue when oxidized. Copper wires = copper blood = blue blood.

So all 4 employees see that their employer is bleeding blue. Everyone is shocked, eventually the unhurt boss calls Freya, because they can not go to a hospital for this. In the meantime while they wait. "Um, is that blood?" "No." "What is it then?" "... blood can't be blue." "Horseshoe crabs have blue blood! They're really cool animals." "... human blood isn't blue." "..."

In the days following, lots of really odd people swing by specifically to talk to Volt/Eddie. Whoever you want, just, individually, any resemblance to an object is a fun thing to see. But when every single person who's specifically asking after your boss reminds of something/is a very distinct personality, it begins to pile up that something is weird.

+1 - I think this point could be told from Eddie and/or Volts pov. Basically, the employees are trying to figure out what kind of magical creature their bosses are. Someone tried to stick a fridge magnet on Eddie (robot). Someone flicked water at Volt (Holy water, vampire). They both keep getting poked with metal things (Iron, Fae). Eventually they call up a meeting to tell them to knock it off.

"You tell us what you think we are and we'll tell you if you're correct or not." "Hint: we're human." *a few incorrect guesses* "um, more of a question than a guess. But, um, were you cursed to be a breaker box? At some point?" "..." "..." "..." "Volt. Don't." "I didn't say anything."

Up to the author if they fully explain the house thing or if they basically go, "You're not right, but you're not wrong either. No more questions." Either way, I think that could be the end of the fic.

[pacthesis]

im not kidding applebees all you can eat nearly killed me

had a great time

absolutely would do it again

PSA 1: if ur throwing up don't chug water and gatorade cause ur scared of dehydration (suck on ice cubes instead)

PSA 2: if ur like me and eating out makes you drink a lot of water/fluids and you have a habit of fasting when ur not hungry- that can be dangerous

im SO lucky to be alive and ok

i've written a long detailed diary entry mostly cause i want to comprehend what happened and never forget this:

first of all its not applebees fault

so friday the 13th lol (6/13/2025) me and pizza man do the all you can eat

my expectations were low but i really enjoyed it

except i tried the pecan blondie brownie dessert- shockingly terrible: dry and tasteless blondie, maple cream cheese sauce was actually gross imo (i don't think im picky especially when it comes to sweets) ice cream and nuts were fine though

but anyway i ate too much lmao

i like to challenge myself sometimes- i was mostly curious: "if i could still do it" (it was kinda my party trick in college)

i had fries, coleslaw, 2 portions of popcorn shrimp, 2 portions of riblets, 1 portion of chicken tenders- then the whole pecan blondie brownie (pizza man didn't try it cause he thought it smelled icky lol)

thought i was gonna puke (didn't happen though) i was SO full

***

next day saturday (6/14/2025) i felt fine but didn't eat all day and just had a slice of pizza, egg and hash browns with ketchup for dinner cause i wasn't really hungry

i almost didn't eat dinner- i'll admit maybe i was curious: "if i could do it"

earlier that day we went to a church sale and half price books and hung out with pizza man's childhood friend: we were talking about how when we cook we don't add salt cause usually it just tastes fine while we think its funny how pizza man loves things to taste very salty...

that night he apparently has a dream where pizza man is eating straight up salt to "balance out his levels" or whatever

***

sunday (6/15/2025) father's day: i wake up feeling normal and ask pizza man if he wants to go to target cause i wanna get this bow hair clip:

he says sure but after he does his typical morning run with his mom

then i have this headache as im washing dishes- i think its caffeine withdrawal- i have my morning coffee and take 2 ibuprofen

but it gets worse- i throw up a couple of times- i don't feel well enough to go to target (or anywhere)

pizza man offers to go get the bow hair clip for me and returns with it within the hour

i was so nauseous i couldn't eat all day or move much

maybe it was a migraine but it was a first

i felt sensitive to light and noise and wore sunglasses and earplugs but wasn't sure if it was just in my head from googling my symptoms (pizza man's mom thought it was so funny he was out ignorantly grinding a cast iron pan while i was inside cringing lol)- i was miserable with or without the noise and light tbh

i read on reddit that people have "migraine hangovers" afterwards and often craved mcdonalds and i was like "aw man i can't wait until i feel well enough to crave mcdonalds again!" lmao

im using a foot bath cause i read it can bring some relief to my misery- it actually kinda works

pizza man asks if its ok if he leaves to have father's day dinner with his family and i tell him its ok but he returns quickly because he's worried about me

when he returns i ask him to make me some oatmeal (with water- im worried milk will upset my gut) and to bring me raisins with honey then i took an excedrin cause i was scared of having a stroke or heart attack (but immediately puked anyway)

i throw up into the foot bath, pizza man brings our (emptied) recycling bin over and i throw up into that too- im throwing up so much- so im chugging water, gatorade, pediatric (dose makes the poison)

pizza man actually kept these bottles because he thought some documentation would be helpful for the doctors:

(it was these 2 along with a few cups of water we believe)

there wasn't diarrhea and i knew it wasn't food poisoning but i've had it a few times in the past and dehydration scared me

i was like "im being smart- this is a close call- im gonna avoid going to the ER- im gonna show up for work tomorrow" then i time warped to wednesday in the hospital

i don't remember monday and tuesday

***

past midnight early into monday morning (6/16/2025) pizza man and his dad take me to the hospital cause im confused and can't talk right

i don't remember leaving the house

i don't even remember standing up from the end of the bed

apparently i walk- holding onto pizza man

he says i started drooling in the waiting room and that just seemed bad

they put me and pizza man alone in a room to wait for doctors and stuff- but then i vomit more and start foaming at the mouth and convulsing

im having a seizure- pizza man starts screaming for help and presses the call help button- obviously very traumatic for him to witness and watch

i have 4 seizures at the ER/ICU apparently

i had some predictions about my life and knew life was unpredictable in general but didn't expect at the age of 31 to be quote "the sickest person in the hospital"

they do a lumbar puncture into my spine to test for meningitis- it was negative

they insert the PICC line that goes to my heart (pizza man says "a really big guy" came and did it), IV and begin raising my sodium levels

they overcorrect at one point and ease down on it

before pizza man even contacted my parents my mom said she actually felt "things weren't right" that night somehow

doctor told my mom he was scared cause i was "healthy and young" and there was 7 things he could do for me

pizza man was heartbroken cause he wasn't sure if i would "come back"

he said it was very hard to leave the hospital without me (he didn't expect that- it felt wrong for him)

my mom said the hardest question for her was "is she full code?" (should we do every possible measure in order to save the patient's life?)

my mom said yes

i read through my long list of care notes and tests and i can see why the doctors were scared:

kidneys and organs were fine

no medications

no alcohol/drugs

no medical conditions

no history or family history of epilepsy seizures migraines

before my parents leave a doctor says "im taking amy away to do the stent on her heart" and my mom was like "i thought nothing was happening tonight??" but doc leaves and goes "i cannot discuss that with you"

then a nurse comes to apologize to my parents and tells em "the doctor feels stupid- the stent is for the patient in the next room"

my mom woulda preferred if he came to apologize for himself of course

there was a band with a barcode on my wrist and we believe there is a system to confirm and keep people from getting mixed up but it was still spooky for my family to experience that

pizza man says at one point they asked him and my parents to leave the room so they could ask me some things- later when im released he asked if i remember what the questions were (i confirm i don’t remember monday or tuesday- not that i mind)

***

tuesday (6/17/2025) they hooked all these wires up to my head to check for brain activity but afterwards my mom said i was greasy and kinda "gross" looking lol

so she and my dad spent an hour and a half washing my hair

then i opened my eyes and the doctors got excited- they tried sticking me in an MRI machine but i tried to crawl out cause they put me on ativan

the neurologist kept asking me stuff like "how many nickels are in a dollar?", "what is this called? (pointing to watch face or watch band)" and "where are you right now?" (i kept saying "hopkins" for whatever reason- doc asked "why is she saying that? what is hopkins? did she go to hopkins high school? and my parents were like no! pizza man was like "aw man if amy lives through this she will just think this is so funny")

pizza man thinks "hopkins" just kind of sounds like "hospital"

but the neurologist said it was hard to tell if i got brain damage or if it was the ativan lol

my mom kept asking me "who is this??" and pointing to family members that visited:

i knew my mom and dad

for pizza man i said his name sweetly (we just celebrated our 10 year anniversary last month may 2025)

for my father-in-law i answered with his name but seriously (that made pizza man think "oh maybe amy is still in there") lol

i kept asking for coffee also lmao but my mom said that brought her some comfort because to her “thats a sign amy is still there”

pizza man brought the bow hair clip he got for me on sunday to see if i would remember it

and he brought this stuffed seal a childhood friend since middle school got for me a while back and asked "whats his name?" because he couldn't remember and i correctly told him "tory" (short for “tornado torpedo”)

i closed my eyes and puckered my lips for pizza man and my dad was like "she wants a kiss"

pizza man gave me a nice little kiss but wasn't sure if it was appropriate at the time but he thought it was sweet still

pizza man and visitors also enjoyed this giant monster rabbit that could be seen outside my window too i guess (the rabbit is my zodiac animal “secret friend” but they're really common to spot in the wild tbh)

there was a 1:1 nurse with me monday and tuesday night cause they didn't want me trying to get up by myself or yanking on my stuff

***

by wednesday (6/18/2025) i "wake up"- i remember wednesday

im covered in wires and tubes: who knows what on my chest, IV in my right arm, PICC line in my left arm, hooked up to a catheter, finger oxygen sensor, bright yellow wristband that reads "FALL RISK"

initially i was like "oh god the financial cost of this" but quickly i was like "eh whatever- doesn't matter"

i actually upgraded my health insurance when i turned 30 just cause i thought "eh its time for better insurance"

doctors and nurses seemed surprised i made it

they were pumping me with sodium and potassium but at one point it dropped anyway but eventually my body just fixed itself and they kinda shrugged and were like "cool i'll take it!"

they send a dietitian student in and he asks me what i eat and he goes "huh- you eat healthy"

the neurologist visits and i loudly go “i remember you!” but im confused- he just has one of those looks

“neurologist” is also too complicated of a word for me to retain today so i keep saying “brain guy”

he says something interesting: “throwing up shouldn’t cause low sodium” (as i currently understand: low sodium can cause vomiting but not the other way around? i've heard doctors on youtube say the opposite- situations/causes can differ, people can be wrong and opinions can contradict i guess)

when we pressed with other questions he professionally answers that he can only talk about the brain- i kinda liked that

my parents and a lot of pizza man's family came to visit me throughout the day

pizza man said that day i was "more quirky" but he was ok with that- maybe even kinda liked it lol

he also said the doctors and nurses said i was "very nice" even when i was out of it and that i should put that on my resume (maybe a somewhat weird thing to say imo but whatever they mean well i guess)

he kept telling me he was so so happy i "came back"

another childhood friend since middle school (who didn't know this was going on) actually randomly texted me a trauma center game meme but i didn't have access to my phone until a few days later (it was a game i enjoyed when i was in high school and i was actually thinking about it when i was conscious in the hospital)

my parents and pizza man kept asking me if i would like pizza man to bring me the bow hair clip he got for me on sunday

i was like "bah nah that doesn't matter" but throughout the day they started seeing my memory was improving on its own

so while i was dying pizza man appeared on an episode of america's funniest home videos on tv and the host for whatever reason said "believe it or not, ladies- he's single"

pizza man knew i'd find it funny if i lived but at the time he didn't like that of course lol

he said he was thinking if i did die he was happy we at least had a nice last date at applebeees lmao

he said he wasn't ready for that though- he would've probably quit his job and stuff

i know i got extremely lucky but this actual experience wasn't that bad! i didn't have any suffering thanks to the doctors/nurses and my family and pizza man

the thought of going to the hospital was much much worse

and hospital food was pretty good actually!

a nurse helped tie my hair back to keep it out of the way

also when a nurse helped me go #2 she was like "the catheter must be so uncomfortable :(" and i was like "actually- its not that bad!" like whenever i'd see a commercial for one on tv i was like "oh god that looks awful" lol

i walk around a bit in the hallways with pizza man as he held my catheter- my legs felt very weak

i don't have a 1:1 nurse watching me this night and i fall asleep around 1:30am

***

thursday (6/19/2025) we have off from work- its the juneteenth holiday

on monday pizza man contacted my employer and they used 4 PTO days for the week for me

im a little naughty- i get up by myself and wash my hair in the sink

i knew it was a liability thing and i wasn't supposed to get up by myself- but i was curious (the curiosity of "if i could still do it"- maybe that drive might take me out one day lol) but i thought it wouldn't hurt anyone

my mom was a little annoyed/mad yet relieved when she found out lol

my father-in-law brings coffee and donuts both wednesday and thursday morning (cause i was always asking for coffee lol)

a nurse comes in and asks the visitors to step out- we both wear face masks as she removes the PICC line from my arm

she goes "i'll show you it when im done" (doesn't ask if im squeamish- but maybe she could tell i was interested in that kind of stuff)

its very long- i tell her thats very cool- this is when i find out that was connected to my heart

later another doctor and nurse come rip off the stuff on my chest, the IV, finger oxygen sensor- and remove the catheter also

i take a couple of tylenol every few hours to ease my headache

i worry and ask the doctors about it- i don't want to become dependent on it- they tell me its safe and my worries ease because i no longer feel like i need anymore that night

so far the known issue was low sodium and severe hyponatremia

the doctors are humans and have differing opinions so some thoughts contradict but so far the one belief that makes sense to me is "it was just the perfect storm"

in the evening im released from the hospital and pizza man brings me home

my mom is surprised- she thought i'd be well enough to go home the next day friday

but i didn't feel like i was currently dying- i thought it was time for me to leave and for the doctors and nurses to save someone else now

my parents and pizza man’s family drop off a lot of food and a gift basket

and my employer sent me flowers

i was maybe a bit surprised- been there for over 10 years but thought "eh maybe they'll think about letting me go" lol

***

friday (6/20/2025) the first full day of being home im pretty much normal with some slight memory issues (like forgetting where the tea goes, the name of pizza man's oldest aunt, not making my yogurt the "most efficient way", etc) and im using a walker as a precaution- im slightly wobbly

pizza man kept telling me it was so awesome to hear me around the home and that i “came back”

imo he was already kinda obsessed and very in love with me but he keeps saying the experience somehow made him “fall deeply in love” with me lol

he keeps checking my head for a fever and he watches over me carefully for the first couple of days at home- im sure he has PTSD honestly and i was worried about him but he’s doing great now actually

we’re really lucky the house has handle bars by some of the entrances and in the bathroom and its generally accessible because this used to be grandpa’s house

i was also looking at a fashion catalog and didn't feel horny but felt more "heterosexual" somehow

but by saturday (6/21/2025) and sunday (6/22/2025) my memory is "very good" again, im not using a walker anymore and i looked at the catalog again and my sexuality feels queer as usual lol

before all this pizza man sometimes told me he was gonna be sad when my memory starts going because its just so good

but he told me he likes me however- and he would always take care of me- im still kind of processing that tbh

then also i had an excuse to invite my friends over to hang out- that was nice

***

hyponatremia risk factors (korey stringer institute)

exercise duration greater than 4 hours or slow pace: no

AFAB: yes

low body weight: i guess

excessive drinking (>1.5 L/hour) during the event: possible

abundant availability of drinking fluids at event: possible

nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, antidepressants, or diuretics use: my two 200mg of ibuprofen????

other drugs associated with SIADH (SSRI’s): no

not heat acclimatized: guess i don't sweat much but i still sweat

low sodium diet: initially i was like LOW SODIUM?? HOW? but i've been reading nutrition labels (especially serving sizes) and i'll admit maybe its a possibility idk

extreme hot or cold environment: maybe some days

i don't mind being a cautionary tale

because the cause of my hyponatremia seems to be possibly caused by my funky eating schedule and chugging liquids: so far the dr notes and advice to prevent me from having it again basically say "drink/eat sodium (2,300 mg/day) and don't drink more than 2 liters of liquids a day"

at first when they told me "don't drink more than 2 liters a day" i was like "yea- i don't usually do that- i only did that cause of that wicked headache and i was puking and scared" and when they were like "listen to ur body" i was like "yea- i do- i was just so nauseous i couldn't eat- tried anyway but i puked"

but the more im reading and recalling what i did- the more i'll admit its possible the headache and sickness on sunday was caused by low sodium

generally when i eat out i drink a lot of water during and afterwards (im thirsty cause its salty)- so it probably wasn't good i drank a lot of water from applebees- then sipped water throughout the whole day saturday and only had dinner

its funny cause some doctors also said i should be drinking gatorade when i do my squats and push-ups

always thought it was a marketing gimmick or for extreme athletes in hot weather

but as far as i understand it sounds like i'll also be fine if i just eat some chips or whatever

last time i saw a doctor was august 2024: did blood tests- he said i was "extremely healthy" and to see him again in 3 years unless something comes up

i used to see a primary care physician but it felt like a waste of time cause i was like 20 and nothing was ever going on

guess i got a good reason to see one again

i've been thinking about how i've been putting an effort towards working out and gained 4-5 lbs since january this year and i've thought "would this have ended up very different if i didn't gain that extra weight?"

spooky crazy

for whatever reason i was never mad or upset during this: i was trying to be patient, honest and accepting of whatever i felt or was going through- i let myself be weak and vulnerable- kept telling myself "take it easy, give urself a week- try not to be frustrated and trust ur body to recover"

there's some truth and context to "applebees almost killed me" but i think i understand the true actual cause of this mess was: my curiosity

anyway i’ve never been to hopkins so im planning to go there soon just for shits and giggles

[blogficsesp]

I'll be waiting (ch. 4)

Prev |

When a wound puts you in the way of your almost ex-husband, the months without talking are over and perhaps it is the opportunity to resume your marriage or end it.

*English is not my first language

*Sorry for medical inaccuracies

Chapter 4

After the exams, you were waiting for Robby. The pain was bearable, but you wanted this to end. You were never good at waiting, and the messages on your phone about work related stuff were ending your patience. You heard a noise and raised your eyes.

“Hey, y/n, how everything is going here? Are we making your visit pleasant?”

You laughed at Dana’s salute. “Yes, of course, the best scores for all of you, especially for you”.

Dana came close, sat on the bed with you, and touched your hand. “It’s good to see you, even in these circumstances”.

You smiled to her, “I hope the next time will be with some wine and dinner.”

She smiled wider, “Of course, but first, have you talk to the police?”

You knew that it was required to talk to the police, the assault to medical personnel was a big problem, and it was important to file a complaint. “Not yet, but the security staff already talk with the police when they came for the dad, I think that they would contact me soon.”

She got up still with a little concern in her eyes. “OK, do you need anything?”

You took a breath and smiled. “Yes, get out of here”.

Both of you laughed. “Soon. See you later”.

While you were waiting, Robby was exiting trauma 2 with Collins by his side.

“I heard y/n is here, is she ok?”

Robby was still anxious but thanked that the staff was worried about you. Heather was now a dear friend, her heart always so big that when she knew about you and Robby, only said “you fit like a glove” and smiled.

“Yes, she is here, probably only a dislocated shoulder. In fact, I’m going to see if the results are ready…”

Robby approached the station and, on a tablet, reviewed your file, the results of the tests were ready, confirming his diagnosis.

“Yes, just the shoulder.”

Collins nodded. “Do you need help?”

Robby smiled. “No, thanks. Perlah could do it with me. Remined me, when the new guys would come?”

Collins knew that welcoming the new students and interns was not the favorite part of the day for Robby, even though he was a good teacher. “In two days”.

Robby started to walk to where Perlah was, still talking to Collins. “Right, well, this was a good case to learn, but whatever, shame on them to not be here now”.

Both laughed and parted ways.

After the reduction, Robby was putting you in a sling. “It would be a little difficult to make your daily activities, but everything will be alright in a couple of weeks, if something doesn’t feel right, call me or come here, we could check it out, ok, sweetheart?”

You were looking at your hand. “I was wondering how I’m going to work with my dominant hand restricted”

Robby looked at you like you were saying odd things. “Work? That’s what worries you?”

You nodded, if there was anything you two were alike in, it was that you both liked your work very much. “Yes, Robby. I need to work”.

“No, you need to rest. I’m sure someone can do your work while you recover.”

You looked at him, a little angry because if someone’s gonna lecture you about proper rest, it will not be Robby, the workaholic.

“We have a lot of work; the social service department is understaffed like everything around here. I cannot put that burden on someone else. You know how it is.”

Silently, Perlah got out, she liked to gossip, but this was an argument that she didn’t want to take part.

“Please, hear your doctor’s advice. If you don’t wanna listen to me, talk to Abbot, or I can bring you Collins or Mohan. They would say the same. I will bring Kiara, you can arrange something. Or I will call Gloria.”

You were surprised, Robby talking willingly to Gloria? Yeah, when the hell freezes.

“Robby, it’s not up to you”.

It was the turn of Robby to look surprised. He took a step back, but didn’t change his argument.

“Look, I know that I don’t have a word about your life anymore, but what you been through it’s not normal and you need to take some time off, please.”

You looked at each other for almost a minute in silence. You knew that he was worried about you, as a doctor and as a co-worker.

“I will talk to Gloria, maybe I could stay at home today and tomorrow, that’s all the time I’m willing to take.”

You committed to that, not giving up another inch. Robby swiped the back of his hand across his forehead.

“Ok, at least take those days off. But really rest, please.”

You half smiled at him. “Yes, of course. But I need to do laundry, cook, you know, the normal things.”

Before his brain had time to think about it, he answered you. “I could bring you something to eat now and later I can bring you dinner.”

Both were surprised by his offer. Dinner? After so many months without talking?

But the love that you still have for Robby was bigger than your fears and doubts.

“Well, in that case, sure. You can bring me dinner and give me a sandwich while my papers are ready.”

Both of you smiled, and there was a gleam in his eyes that you had missed.

He started to walk backwards. “Right, a sandwich is on the way.”

You laughed and waited for him.

You were dressed and ready to go to talk to Gloria. So, you walked to the nurse station to say goodbye to Dana. “I’m going upstairs, just wanna say bye.”

She came close to you and gave you a light hug. “Everything is well between Robby and you? Perlah said that you were fighting.”

You puffed. “We weren’t fighting, it was a little exchange of arguments. Nothing serious. But yes, we are fine. We weren’t on the same page about my rest, but we made a deal, and everything is as well as it can be.”

She laughed at you. “Sure, honey. Oh, and, lo and behold, your husband!”

Behind you, you felt Robby’s presence.

“Well, it was a pleasure talking to you, Dana, as always.”

She laughed while you turned around to see Robby.

“I’m going to talk to Gloria, already talked with my co-workers to organize the activities.”

“Good, let me walk you to the elevator.”

He put his hand on your waist, and while you were walking, every sound of the ED fades away. The only thing that you could feel was the warmth of his hand, his perfume and his voice. When the doors of the elevator opened, you stepped in.

“Thanks, Robby, see you later?”

“Sure, I’ll bring you your favorite pizza.”

And that promise filled you with butterflies. Maybe, just maybe things can change.

______________________

Taglist: @emma8895eb @li22ie2017

[bowxs]

BOWXS’S 150 (+4) FOLLOWER CELEBRATION!!

I want to start by saying I genuinely could not be any more grateful than I am for all of my followers, my mutuals, or even people who just liked or reblogged my work!! I love you all so much and you’ve made my dreams come true (which i never thought could happen). I cant say thank you enough💕💕💕 I know im still a beginner writer and i have so many ways i can improve, and all of you have been so patient and kind to me :) I love every single request, reblog, comment, or like i get! I genuinely smile so big when I see you guys like what ive written!!

Now I don’t really know how this is supposed to work, but heres what im gonna do: Below, there will be a numbered list of sfw & nsfw prompts that you can give me + ask for any character I write for (i will make a list incase you dont know! please remember the list is always changing so dont be afraid to ask).

when submitting an ask, please just give me the number of the prompt and the character. feel free to mix and match the prompts!!

full disclaimer- i did get all of these off of pinterest

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, I LOVE YOU!! XOXO

characters i will write for:

Billy Butcher

Soldier Boy

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Percy Jackson

SFW PROMPTS -

1. “not everyone is going to hurt you”

2. “can you just kiss me? one last time? thats all i ask.”

3. “thats not what i meant and you know it”

4. “I’ll be here to keep you safe”

5. “of course i noticed. i notice everything about you”

6. "you ever think that we are meant to be? like in every universe?”

7. “i dont think im ready to let go yet”

8. “just a few more minutes. please.”

9. “stop crying, please. it hurts me”

10. “im so proud of you”

11. “i dont think ive ever seen you wear that before”

12. “im not used to being.. taken care of”

13. “what are you staring at?”

14. “what are we?”

15. “tell me how you fell in love with me, again. i forgot”

16. “i want to have a family with you”

17. “come here, baby. i gotcha”

18. “i’ve never done this before.”

19. "breathe, I got you."

20. “my girl looks so good”

21. “just shut up and kiss me already”

22. "i have to pee so bad please get up."

23. “"were not going to bring this up ever again."

24. “you smell so good”

25. “i waited for you”

26. “you didnt have to do that”

27. “ill do it because i love you. thats it.”

28. “i dont deserve this. you.”

29. “poor thing, had a long day?”

30. “i want it to be us. together.”

31. “its you. its always been you”

32. “i wont let you go out there and kill yourself”

33. “you look stupid”

34. “you know you love me”

35. “tell me i look pretty”

36. “this is forever”

37. “i cant do this without you”

38. “i never thought youd care”

39. “talk to me”

40. “you look good in my clothes”

41. “come sit on my lap”

42. “your lips might kill me”

43. “say it again”

44. “i love you”

45. “please, dont leave”

NSFW PROMPTS -

46. "be good for me and spread your legs”

47. "don't worry ill take good care of you."

48. "i know a workout you might actually enjoy."

49. "i had no idea you were into this kinda thing."

50. "don't tempt me."

51. "i want it to hurt."

52. "i've never done this before."

53. "don't be afraid. it's just me.”

54. "wanna join?"

55. "mind if I join?"

56. "i'm either joining or watching, you pick."

57. "don't make me take you home and punish you."

58. “stop it were in public.”

59. “ill fuck you in the bathroom stall if you dont stop”

60. “stop teasing me”

61. “people will see”

62. “do you think they can hear us?”

63. “i havent even touched you yet”

64. “just a bit more”

65. “you like that? god your a slut”

66. “dont talk like that then cry when i fuck you too hard”

67. “where do you want it?”

68. “stop whining, i got you”

69. “i know you can take it”

70. “atta girl”

71. “stay still, i wanna take a picture”

72. “smile for the camera”

73. “whatever you want baby”

74. “were gonna get caught”

75. “your making a mess everywhere”

76. “do you feel how deep i am?”

77. “are you that excited to have me back?”

78. “keep your eyes on me”

79. “touch yourself- but only cum when i let you”

80. “round two?”

81. “just shut up and fuck me”

82. “im gonna be late since someone cant keep it down for 5 minutes”

83. “move your hand for me”

84. “im not done”

85. “keep talking, baby”

86. “your cute begging for forgiveness now”

87. “i should fill your mouth up, maybe youll be quiet then”

88. “you feel so fucking good”

89. “is that the best you can do?”

90. “use your words”

[icanexplainwhythisnameisbad]

DUMB@$$ DELTARUNE 3&4 (really dumb) WHAT IFS

these are in no way directly related but basically dumb thoughts I had that since I have poor story writing skills (like I can conceptualize a story but I can’t describe an environment or write dialogue which is 2/3rds of any good story (only half if you include art as well I mean I have decent art skills… but it’s a kindergartener’s drawing in comparison to most art on here )

the point is I’m putting ideas here (some of which others may have also come up with but I’m putting my own spin on it )

spoilers ahead (while most who see this probably have played both new chapters and don’t care. Just in case.)

-Toriel wakes up early in chapter 3. V1:

this version has her wake up during the Tenna boss fight and that’s a whole confrontation as the tv with abandonment issues is losing his mind

-Toriel wakes up early. V2:

this one has her wake up relatively early in chapter so The $#@* Squad/Fun Gang/Lancer Fan Club & Tenna (separately but they both do it) kinda try to keep the whole “end of the world / the knight wants to kidnap you + your divorce & abandonment of me has caused me a ton of issues” thing(s) away from Toriel (meanwhile literally everyone else there (anyone who isn’t the 3 heroes & Tenna) doesn’t care and tells her anyway ) meanwhile Toriel is just confused, curious & kinda worried that her own TV got issues from her (and the others but they aren’t here right now )

-Tenna burns a woody doll (expy) at the stake.

-Gerson ends up in castle town:

(the old man is too powerful to be bound by death & a mere meta video game’s depressing story progression )

-Susie takes Tenna “home” with her instead:

(I know I know Mettaton & Tenna is a whole thing but while we haven’t seen Susie’s house in canon yet. it can’t be a good place from the context clues hidden in some of her actions & dialogue throughout the chapters (as faking calling home isn’t normal (plus a bunch of other things but this isn’t about that (well this part is but not this whole post ) so that’s a thing and a half alone let alone if a fan made dark fountain appeared

-Jackenstein shows up again/survives:

(as from what I saw after he disappears he doesn’t show up again but isn’t directly stated to have died and while this could be a thing in a later chapter … 🤷)

-the soul ditches kris to possess noelle instead:

(as in a pacifist or neutral route the soul wouldn’t like being beaten up for trying to prevent the end of the world & everyone in it & just being curious in general. or for a snowgrave version, the soul decides it’s a better course of action instead of using kris (sure there’s the whole “your choices don’t matter but the game itself talks about you as if your kris and kris is you. so what if it’s “Kris’s choices don’t matter “ & not “the soul/player’s choice don’t matter” ) )

-noelle decides for whatever reason to visit Kris’s house in the middle of the night:

and therefore ends up in TV world (aka a reason for Tenna to get depressed again & dess is mentioned )

-Susie stumbles upon something she shouldn’t have…:

aka she ends up unintentionally watching kris play the hidden game and sees the snowgrave route portrayed (especially the “used up” scene ) and/or sees kris rip the soul out at the end of chapter 2 and is too stunned/shocked to do anything about it and doesn’t bring it up directly

-ralsei & Toriel meet and that’s pretty self explanatory

-Toriel wakes up early V3: she wakes up somepoint early in the chaoter but separate from kris, Tenna & the others & ends up going on her own adventure (kinda like the second one but without kris & the others there to give even more focus on Toriel meeting the tv world darkness (minus Tenna)

-the soul copy pastes Kris’s code into a genocide route in undertale to let them kill sans:

(meanwhile frisk+chara+the undertale player (its a mix of players being legitimate players in a game + being outerworldly beings so yeah. Multiple ) are just watching in confusion as a teenager kills sans on their own as another soul just floats there menacingly )

-since Gerson is technically a lightner reborn as a darkner he doesn’t have a theme… so potentially like ralsei couldn’t he potentially go anywhere (ignoring what ralsei said about reborn lightners turned darkners needing very specific conditions to even form cause gersons just too OP for that):

so basically (ignoring what I said in another post about something keeping the dark sanctuaries separate from the other dark worlds ) Gerson gets to be OP everywhere in every chapter

-Queen sees noelles search history:

(technically a chapter 2 one but I’m surprised nobody else had this idea) basically queen ships Susie & noelle meanwhile berdly is berdly & ralsei is confused by most of berdly’s even saying (meanwhile meanwhile kris is eating moss in a dark alley )

-asgore shows up in chapter 3 when he finds Toriel left something of hers behind (technically another attempt but she did legitimately leave something at the church (before chapter 4. I know it’s at the church but -) (this one would technically have to wait for chapter 5 as that one’s implied to be the asgore chapter but it’s mainly chapter 3 so 🤷

-something something Elnina & Lanino (and potentially roulxs) related:

no explanation needed here (well maybe one is needed but assuming this gets atleast 7 hearts/likes/whatever tumblr calls em. in 2 days I’ll reblog this with the explanation added )

(;

[dazedantics]

Pt 3: One Sided Rivalry - Mark Grayson x Reader

Pt 2 here

"Hey, you, where's Markus?"

"Um? 'Hey, You?' Way to act like you haven't known me your whole life." The sandy haired boy spoke from the empty lunch table.

It was the guy who'd, apparently, been sitting with you and Mark during each lunch.

But you genuinely don't remember seeing his face till two weeks ago. What was his name again?

"Sorry .... Anyways, where is he? I haven't seen him since he got beat up."

"Which time? I'm pretty sure that happens every week."

How do you know this guy again?

"The time with Jake."

"Again, gonna have to be specific, pretty sure they got a whole schedule set up for the year." The guy said taking a bite of his sandwich.

He wiped the crumbs off his hands, reaching for a juice box.

"But if you mean the time you actually did something other than join in the beatings, um, yeah, I wonder why you haven't seen him. I mean it's not like you haven't just ditched us the past week without a text. Not that you don't always ignore us anyway, especially him when he's constantly looking out for you."

Okay ... did you bully him in the past too? He's coming on really strong for one question.

"I'm sorry ... uh ... can you tell me your name again?"

The boy paused his sip, eyes widening as he stared at you. You could practically see the energy stiffen through his veins.

"My name? You don't even ... oh my God ... Oh my god!" His jaw moved, attempting to voice something but baffled noises came out instead. "I was right! I was right. I told him too. You didn't even know I existed, did you? See, for a while I thought you were just mute or something. Cause you don't say shit when we're together, to me or to Mark. But then I see you talk to Mark, on the rare occasions you do. And even then it's just a stupid little threat or mean quip. I knew I was right to not like you. I am! Truly. Cause you are such a bitch."

You frowned, brow curled with a prickled defense and major confusion. What do you say to that? "Excuse me?"

He put his juice down, leaning back with crossed arms and a stern expression. "Sit. Now that Mark's gone and you've finally acknowledged me, we need to talk."

This is not how you expected your day to go.

Slowly, you set your bag on the floor and sat on the bench across from him. "About what?"

"About you. And your whole 'fuck everyone' attitude. Cause let me tell you something, Mark may tolerate it for whatever reason I cannot understand. But it's not cute, alright. It just ain't."

You pursed your lips, folding your hands across the table. How close were you supposed to be to this guy? How close was he to Mark?

"You see, as Mark's friend - I'd like to say you and I are, but let's face it, we aren't - but I do worry about the company he keeps, right? Like, I do want the best for him. And sometimes that means telling him when his 'friends,'" he did air quotes at that. "Aren't good for him. And believe me, I've told him to drop you a million times."

"You think I haven't been trying to get rid of him my whole life either?" You scoffed.

"No, no, no, let me continue." He held a hand up. "I've told him a million times, gave concrete evidence as for why this one sided relationship is bound to tick away at his health. Unburden himself, you know? But he fucking likes you. Even after all your ... abuse ... verbal, emotional, physical, you name it. Even after everything you've done to him, he still likes you. And he probably isn't gonna drop you even after we all graduate and do our own things. And I think that's really sad."

You shifted in your seat. This guy was being very serious. As if you didn't already know all of this.

"Cause to him, you are his friend. He probably even considers you to be closer than he is to me. Which, side note, offensive. But that's how it is. And for all his quirks, he is a great guy. And I'm not trying to threaten you to go away, Mark would go looking for you anyway. So don't take this that way. What I am trying to say is, you need to get your shit together. I don't know if you have trauma or anything, but whatever has been going on with you over the last twelve years, you need to tell Mark about it. Cause he is probably the only person who would truly care about helping you through it. Hopefully that can be the start that will help your relationship in the end. And then I won't have to sit here pretending that I don't hate you every time we see each other."

You cocked your head to the side, just taking everything he said in.

You're not sure what it was you were feeling exactly. Just knew the uncomfortable weight that'd been hanging off the bottom of your chest since you'd helped Mark seemed to have gained a few pounds.

Maybe this guy was right. Talking to Mark would help. But what would you say? Everything at home had been fine, great even. The only thing that'd been bothering you was Mark.

Apologize?

Then what? You hadn't seriously apologized to the guy for anything. It'd be weird to just come out of the blue and say it now, no?

But ... did you want to step on the right track with Mark now? Start over?

You had already realized he'd be the one constant in your whole life, like this guy figured too.

Would things be easier? Did you want them to be? Did Markus deserve as much care and thought into sticking with him as he did you?

You licked your lips. "Message received."

The guy narrowed his eyes at you for a moment, probably deciphering if you meant it or had just ignored him again.

Then relaxed, going back to his lunch. "Good. Now where have you been this week?"

"... home." You murmured, not ready to explain why. Cause you didn't fully know why. Or rather you were ignoring why. "And you still haven't told me where Markus is. Or your name."

He rolled his eyes. "It's William. And Mark's busy with his girlfriend."

"Wait, girlfriend? Since when did he-"

"Since you've been at home. And don't get jealous, you've had plenty of chances to bag him before. Her name is Amber and she's a good person, I would never allow it if she wasn't. He's fine."

You looked down at the tabletop, the many initials etched in the surface holding your focus.

Fixing things would probably be a lot harder now.

Would he still have time for you?

[riemanifests]

Focus on the end.

don't focus on the circumstances your 3d might be reflecting. don't focus on the past and whatever happened fucking months ago, hello you're in the present moment why are you worrying about something that happened so long ago? don't focus on what people are saying, do their words matter in your reality? are they in your mind? are you not the god of your reality? exactly. don't focus on whatever debris is hitting you that contradicts you having it, it doesn't fucking matter. focus on the end. no matter what, focus on the end. is that not where you want to be? so be there. if you think about your desire go to the end and be there. you experience something in the 3d that contradicts that end? go to the end and be there. someone says something that worries you and pulled you back to the beginning for a moment? go to the end and be there. no you don't do it one time, you keep doing it. like think about a friend you have. do you wake up and think well they're not my friend. no you wake up everyday with the idea that they're your friend. or more simple, you wake up everyday and brush your teeth. do you do that one day and then stop? no you keep brushing your teeth. and what is the result of you doing those things? well you're at the end of that person being your friend and at the end of you brushed your teeth. you return to those ideas you don't just drop them. so what about your desire? are you just going to think you have it one day then wake up tomorrow and be like yk what no its not mine i still want it i don't have it i need to get it and manifest it. oh um? yeah no don't do that especially if you want to be there, so be there and stay there. stop leaving that idea because holding onto it is exactly why you have it. being at the end is exactly why you ARE at the end. no it's not about what the 3d is showing you honestly stop it with the 3d. like i know you want the reflection so bad. i know you want it physically so bad. but guys if you don't even have it within, then how can you have it without? and let's say for a moment that you were allowed to just want it and not claim it and then reality changed to show you that you physically have it. does that not contradict the idea that reality is a reflection of you? is that not saying that the 3d has free will? well it doesn't... and i know you don't even want the 3d to have free will so why are you at the same time wanting the 3d to show you something that is not within? make it make sense. focus on the end. be there. stay there. stop focusing on the middle stop focusing on the beginning stop worrying and separating the 3d just focus on the end and be there. you want to be there do you not? so be there! no one is stopping you but you. you can literally get in your fucking head right now and say you have it or visualize it, so do that. keep your focus on the end and return to that end every single day.

[deoidesign]

.

[orcelito]

Good News for me, it seems like my application to the new apartment is being accepted :]

The leasing coordinator messaged me to say she's sending the lease to me to sign tomorrow, & so long as I submit the payment by the start of the term (April 30th), then the apartment will be Mine.......!!!!!

Wonderful News!!!

[tommygotwrittenoff]

i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.

[moralchampion]

...

[thecherrygod]

/

[nomaishuttle]

the way i balance staying true to my tumblrina nature while also having a job and bills and rent is that at work while cleaning a room ill think of something id like to post and then repeat it over and over in my head and refine it until it sounds right and then i either post it as soon as i get a second to Or i forget it bc i think of anew post to make. and they always get 0 notes but its ok

[daforged]

i work really hard to not compare myself to others but it’s so bizarre to me to see other people my age like. going out all the time or travelling or even just living on their own. what do you mean all your money goes to just your own living expenses & your own fun and you aren’t the financial backbone of your family. every time i take vacation days a coworker will ask me if i’m going somewhere and its like no lmfao do you think im made of money. i dont think about it much because it doesn’t really do anything but upset me but deep down im so resentful of every other young adult who doesn’t have to pay their parents bills and just gets to blow their money on whatever the fuck whenever the fuck

[thursdayg1rl]

decided im not going to buy more makeup or skincare until my current ones run out im not falling into the consumerism trap