#so i can't visualise super well

[tag-if]

RAAAAH I found this cosplayer guy on tiktok and he looks EXACTLY how I picture Aleron

Just give him freckles and it sells it. Imma make a sketch later, probably. Hopefully.

OH I FOLLOW HIM OMG

okay, hear me out

if you can find his Hiccup cosplay, then make the hair a Little bit redder, you've got Aleron pretty accurately

[alldevilsarehere90]

Title: Shatter me with hope Pairing: Daryl x female reader Summary: After being in love with Daryl for as long as you've known him and him being completely clueless to the fact, your jealousy finally gets the better of you when he and the new girl are inseparable. Setting: Alexandria. Warnings: 18+ / Death of a walker by stabbing / reader is super jealous / Angst / Smut / breast groping / Oral (m and f receiving) / face riding / cum swallow / p in v sex / cream pie / sub! Daryl / dom! Reader / slight choking if you squint but not really / Daryl being the sweetest ever / Daryl being super insecure/ Word Count: 7.5k Prompts: "It ain't like that, we're just friends." and "It don't matter, she don't see me like that." A/N: Well…this one took on a life of it’s own, so sorry it’s taken me so long. And I could only use two of the three prompts you asked for ,as i just couldn’t make the other one fit. Hope you enjoy and thank you for requesting @graveyard-stray

Stop looking. You scold yourself. Just stop looking at them. Forcing your eyes away from the sight you were currently fixated on and up from the porch steps to retreat into your shared house. It did no good sitting here staring at the two of them, you knew that and yet here you were, torturing yourself…and for what?

All it did was encourage the rock in the pit of your stomach to sink further down, while your throat burned from the bile threatening to rise up. 

Closing the front door behind you and collapsing against it, a shaky sigh escapes you. 

Why can’t it be you?

What’s so special about her?

What does she have that you don't?

Your tormented mind swam with so many questions you felt like you were drowning in them, unable to breathe against the weight of words and the feelings behind them.

Since that new girl arrived at Alexandria, her and Daryl had been inseparable. Jodie. Even her name made your blood boil in your veins, feeling every drop of it as it raced molton hot through your body and setting a fire within you. She follows him around everywhere, laughing at things he says, smiling up at him and batting her lashes, touching him. Every time you see her hand connect with his body somewhere you have to fight the urge to charge and tackle her to the ground.

Hearing laughter, snapping you out of the image of the two of them behind your eyes and immediately heading over to the kitchen window, peeking through the net curtains like a typical suburban neighbour.

Who are you? When did you become this person? Jealous. The word turns your stomach, even to think it.

How could you be jealous? The simple answer is, you can't, not really, not when that person isn't yours to begin with; never has been and never will be.

Watching as she plays with her hair while smirking up at him all the while visualising punching that smug look off her face. She was the exact opposite of you, in looks and in personality and that just made it easier for you to hate her. 

Maybe that wasn't fair, you hadn't even given her the chance to get to know her but if you were being honest, did you want to?

She didn't seem like someone you would have ever gotten along with before the world went to shit, so why now?

Scoffing out loud as you turn your back to the flirtation happening outside, only to be face to face with Carol. 

Your heart jolts and your body jumps an inch off the ground.

"Whatcha looking at?" She asks, balancing on her tiptoes, attempting to look past you and at the scene in the streets occupying your attention.

"Nothing." you answer quickly, too quickly.

Her eyes drift back to you with a knowing look. "You should tell him." She says simply, shrugging her shoulders.

Frowning, your eyes dart between hers wildly, panic building up inside you. She can't mean what you think she does? 

"Tell who what, exactly?" your attempt to remain calm fumbles as your voice wavers; betraying you.

She shakes her head, "when are you going to stop lying to yourself, y/n?" then heads over to the kitchen cupboards and begins pulling ingredients out, placing them on the counter in front of her. "The sooner you tell Daryl how you feel about him, the happier you'll both be."

Both. Why both? What did she mean by that? 

And how could she know your feelings for him? 

Oh god, was it that obvious? Perhaps, you had not been playing it as cool as you thought. If she knew, who else did? That thought alone made your cheeks prickle, as an uncomfortable heat spread over your entire body, making the room feel stuffy and your clothes feel tight. 

You need some air. You need to be outside, away from this conversation and away from Carol and her sympathetic glances. You walk to the door and twist the door handle–

"You can't run forever y/n, someone will end up getting hurt." Carol's voice sounds behind you, chasing you and making it harder to breathe. 

You didn't turn to look at her; you couldn't. Pulling the door open and racing down the porch steps, you didn't know where you were going and if you were honest, you didn't care, you just wanted to be as far from here as you could be.

Thankfully, you still had your knives and gun strapped to you as your legs powered you towards the gate. 

In your peripheral vision, you were aware of Daryl and Jodie, knowing that in about 15 seconds you would have to pass them. Daryl would probably ask you something, or worse, come with you and when you were this anxious you couldn't imagine anything worse. 

You decide to avoid eye contact with them at all costs, opting to stare out Rosita who was on watch duty, willing her to look your way so you wouldn't have to stop. Luck was on your side as her eyes drift to you and instantly you gesture for her to open the gate. Thankfully, she does so quickly, seeming to recognise your urgency.

"Y/n?" 

You hear his voice and your stride falters slightly. Your heart and body expose you, attempting to pull you towards him but you stay firm and continue to push your feet forward. 

Your eyes don't falter on that opening in the fence, the road beyond it surrounded by woods, all of it inviting you. Even the walkers call to you, pleading for you to drive your knife into their skulls. 

Just as you pass the threshold he calls out again, this time it's louder; brash and sharp. "Hey, Y/n!"

Your cheeks flush from embarrassment, you are ignoring him in a very public manner, something you would never usually do. 

Feeling eyes on you from every angle, you were thankful your back was to them all, as you broke off through the trees. Legs lurching you forward, running as soon as you are clear. The fierce pounding of your heart vibrates through your chest and with each puff; each breathy gasp only pushes you further. The feeling of air pumping in and out of your lungs helps you to focus. 

Maybe Carol's right, maybe you should just tell Daryl how you feel, for your own sanity.

But…what if…what if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings? 

Then it becomes a tale of unrequited love, with pity smiles and tear stained pillows, filling your own house with awkward glances and polite conversation. 

Your feet slow on their own, picturing a miserable household, affecting everyone and making your family uncomfortable. You couldn't be that selfish…and yet, you couldn't keep doing this to yourself. The world has ended, it's miserable enough, without you torturing yourself intentionally. 

You deserve to be happy one way or another, with or without Daryl.

What you do know, is that you need space away from him and his little girlfriend.

Maggie's face appears in your mind and an idea hits you like a bolt of lightning. Hilltop. Maggie runs it now, you could stay there for a bit, your family would understand and you're sure she could use the help.

You were already set on your decision when footsteps behind you have you spinning, with your knife raised and coming down fast ready to plunge into the nearest skull. 

Your arm stops midway however and it takes you a few seconds to realise there's a hand holding onto it, blocking you and keeping it at bay. It's the cobalt blue eyes you recognise the moment they connect with yours.

Daryl stands in front of you, mere centimetres from your face, your bodies so close to touching. 

You had almost killed him, almost stabbed him yourself with the blade and yet, all you can think about is the fact he's never been this close before. His scent swirls around you, obscuring your mind and trapping your senses. Tobacco, earth and leather, so primal you can't deny the way your heart pounds violently, knocking against your chest as if trying to break out of its cage and go to him itself.

The heat radiating from him makes you want to move in even closer and wrap your arms around him, never letting him go. Even as you stand, both of you breathing fast and heavy, his mouth parted and breath fanning across your face, drawing you in, pleading for your lips to touch his.

You swallow loudly and he slowly lowers your arm, his eyes searching yours for answers, seeming desperate.

"What's goin' on?" He asks, breaking the deafening silence surrounding you both.

You think of all the ways you can tell him of your decision to go to Hilltop and yet none of them leave your mouth. Your jaw opens, then closes, and still nothing.

"Y/n," his stern voice snaps you out of your trance and commands your attention. His face softens, "yer used ta talk ta me?" 

The pleading in his voice as well as his eyes, has your vision blurry behind the sea of emotions threatening to crash against the shoreline.

"If there's sumthin' wrong," he pauses, eyes flickering between yours, "yer can talk ta me."

The worry he clearly has for you makes you feel awful for not being able to tell him the truth. What kind of friend are you?

The dam bursts as a tear trickles down your cheek, the air hitting it and leaving a cold trail down your heated face. 

His hand comes up almost instinctively, gently wiping it away with his thumb. Unconsciously you lean into his touch, the action; uncharacteristic for him and you revel in just how right it feels before your body freezes. A moment of realisation into what you are doing and you quickly move away, turning your back to him and swiping roughly at your cheeks, a too late attempt at hiding your emotion.

"I-I can't…" you whisper.

You hear the leaves rustle under his feet as you sense him closing the distance between you. 

"Whatever it is, we can figure it out. Let me help yer." His voice is almost as quiet as yours, as if scared you'll run again.

You're tired. Exhausted. Tired of not feeling good enough, comparing yourself, doubting yourself, feeling like absolute shit all the time. You can't do it anymore. This furious pit of jealousy that boils away low inside you, a constant reminder of what you want more than anything but can't have. And yet, here he stands with you, begging to help but you can't bring yourself to be honest for fear of not just rejection, but of everything changing.

You turn, facing him again. "I think I'm going to stay at Hilltop for a while," 

You watch his eyes widen slightly before he looks off into the trees, confusion taking over and a frown marring his brow.

"I need some space…" you can't bring yourself to tell him that even being with him right now feels like you're being stabbed in the heart repeatedly, "...from Alexandria."

He nods, chewing his lip as he mulls over your words. "Ok. I'll come with you."

Your chest grows unbearably tight, as if he's wrapped his bare hands around your heart, squeezing it for fun.

You let out a laugh, feeling like you might scream if you don't. "And how's your little girlfriend going to feel about that?" Your voice sounds ugly and bitter, you don't recognise it but it’s your mouth that moves as the sharp words slice through the air..

His narrowed eyes stay unblinking on your face. "It ain't like that, we're just friends."

If your blood wasn't boiling at the mere thought of her, you would have laughed at how serious his face remained. "You're both inseparable lately, I don't see you without her?" You try to refrain from the bite in your tone but unsuccessfully.

He scoffs, "It dun matter, she dun see me like that."

Now that gets your attention. "Oh, but if she did then you'd be with her, right?"

He looks away from your burning gaze, uncomfortable by the turn in the conversation and seeming unsure how to respond before he shrugs and says, "not thought 'bout it."

You laugh, physically unable to hold it in any longer. "Come on, that is such bullshit!" You're pacing now, hands raking through your hair in frustration. You just want to hear it from him, then maybe you can think about beginning to put yourself back together.

"Don't act like you haven't noticed her, the way she follows you around like a lost puppy, smiling and batting her lashes at you. She's a walking cliche." 

Your face feels hot and your stomach turns threatening to erupt if you hear the words you're waiting for.

Letting out a sigh, he sits on a fallen tree laid out on the ground next to you, swinging one leg over it as he places his crossbow against it. "Come on." He gestures to the empty space on the bark next to him.

You shake your head, too wired and needing to keep your legs moving, ready to run from the truth you know you're about to hear.

"Please." He asks.

You can't resist him, not when he's sitting there so open and vulnerable, eyes unguarded for once. But he's tense, you can see it in the way his muscles flex as he moves and the way he's pulling at the skin around his fingernails. Dread fills you. It's time. You need to hear this.

Joining him, you quickly lower yourself next to him, wanting to get this over with. Your knees touch his, such a simple touch and yet your skin feels like it’s aflame.

"Is this why you're so upset with me?" He asks, taking you completely off guard. 

You aren't upset with him. You are upset but it’s not his fault, he hasn't done anything wrong. You can't help who you like and in this world, you need to grab what you want with both hands before someone else does. You wish you'd taken that advice months ago.

"What?" 

"I know it's me who's upset yer." He bites his bottom lip, holding it between his teeth. If you didn't know any better it looked as if it was trembling. "Is it ‘cause I've been with Jodie so much?"

He'd hit the nail on the head, but it wasn't that simple, you couldn't answer that honestly without confessing everything else.

"Rick asked me to show her how things work 'round here," he began explaining quickly, pulling at the skin around his fingernails, "she wants ta learn how ta hunt so she can take care of herself." He rambles on, peering at you through his messy hair, gauging your reaction and scooting towards you on the branch. "M'sorry, if I made yer feel like we weren't friends anymore." He whispers.

You can't help the escape of another tear rolling down your face. The fact he's apologising just made this all so much worse.

"You don't have to say sorry to me, Daryl. You haven't done anything wrong." You can't even look at him now, knowing the sad, pitiful look on his face would only shatter your heart further.. 

"I have if I’ve made yer sad." He gently wipes the tear with the back of his fingers, caressing the length of your cheek. It sends shivers through you, your skin rippling goosebumps over your entire body.

"I need you to be honest with me." You steel yourself, sitting up straighter, staring him down. "Just tell me the truth. Do you want to be with her?” You pause for a moment and take a deep breath before continuing, “You deserve to be happy more than anyone and I mean that." Your voice is barely a whisper, almost as if it's the breeze sighing through the leaves in the trees.

"I dun want her." He says it so matter-of-factly it stuns you.

"Then why's she still hanging onto you like a lapdog." You say snidely, unable to keep your face from twisting in disgust as you can see her clearly under your eyelids. Hope threatens to bloom inside your chest and re-grow the flowers that have recently died but you can't allow it, you can't allow yourself to think there's a possibility.

"I dun give a damn why, I'm doing a job, that's all." He places his hand on top of yours hesitantly. It takes everything you have not to hold onto it.

"’when that jobs done," he continues, "it'll be yer and me again."

'You and me' for such small words, they have such big meaning. The frustration boils up inside you, feeling overwhelming. The gentle touches, the way his eyes follow you as you stand up from the tree trunk, the way he ran out into the woods to check on you, all of these things were making it impossible not to love him. And you hated it.

"What does that even mean? You and me." You turn to find him having followed you, standing inches from your face. Your breath catches in your throat as your heart beats so hard you're sure he can hear it. 

"What do yer want it ta mean?" He asks shyly, trying to keep his eyes on yours but as his cheeks flush pink he looks down to his feet.

Why does he look so embarrassed? You can't help but reach out and touch his tinged cheeks, fingertips brushing gently against his skin as you try to fathom what's wrong.

"Don't do that?" You say softly.

"Do what?" He asks, glancing up at you briefly before avoiding your eyes once again.

"Answer a question with a question." You push the hair back and away from his eyes and watch as he squirms slightly at the action. His face exposed and beautiful; just the way it's intended.

"Y-yer wanna know why I dun want Jodie?" He stutters, taking your hand from his face and wrapping his fingers around it. "'cause I-I want…someone else."

You swallow the scream you feel almost choking you, praying to a god you no longer believe in that he's going to say what you want him to say. What you need him to say. 

"Who?" is all you can muster, the sound almost getting lost in the deafening pounding of your heart in your ears.

"Yer really dun know?" His hand still holds yours, both your palms sweaty and hot. Beneath your touch you can feel him tremble in your grasp.

"Not a clue." You rasp, your throat suddenly dry as he moves towards you, closing the already small gap between your bodies. A loud gulp disturbs the tense silence and you're not sure who it came from. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and your gaze can't help but follow it.

"Tell me." You whisper, trying to prolong this moment of closeness with him, for fear of what he's about to say. Don't hope. Don't hope, you repeat in your mind, for it is a dangerous thing.

He wavers for a moment and you see doubt across his features for a split second before it's gone, concealed and determination takes over instead. He releases your hand, the cool air hitting your damp palm, before both of his are slowly reaching up and lightly land on either side of your face.

"I've always wanted yer."

Your heart goes quiet for a moment, everything around you silent and still. Almost as if the world has stopped for a second time. Maybe you've finally gone mad. Blinking, you try to clear the scene in front of you but when your eyes open he's still there, staring at you with those ocean blues, drawing you in like always and you conclude this is all actually happening.

“If yer dun want this then-”

You pull him to you and crash your lips to his. Your hands gripping his waistcoat so tight they’re already beginning to ache but you can’t release him, not when you’re so overwhelmed with the taste of him; tobacco and something so deliciously Daryl it sets a fire deep inside you, burning for more. His lips explore yours hungrily with just as much fervour as yours and the way his mouth feels against yours is undeniably right. 

Licking a stripe along his bottom lip he obliges you, letting you in and your tongues dance messily with each other, moving to their own love song of your quiet moans and heavy breaths.

You don’t realise you’ve been moving until your back hits a tree trunk, the bark digging into your skin. Your hands find their way into his hair, grabbing and pulling him closer still. 

His hands move hesitantly down your sides and to the back of your thighs, sending a shiver up your spine and an ache right at your core. Feeling his grip tighten on the skin at the back of your legs before he swiftly pulls them up and around his waist. Tightening the hold you have on him, praying that he doesn’t release you anytime soon.

When his hands slide up your front, you can feel him shaking even as he cups your breasts and gently kneads them. Moaning his name, his hands quickly withdraw and he holds them up in surrender.

“M’sorry.” He says pulling his mouth away from yours with worried eyes.

“Don’t say sorry and please don’t stop, Daryl.” you plead, the desperation making your groin hot and throb with need. “Touch me, anywhere you want to.”

His lips slam into yours again as he groans into your mouth. Closing your eyes and losing yourself in the feel of his mouth once more, waiting impatiently for his touch. His fingers linger at your hips and suddenly you hear your knife scratching its way out of your sheath.

Pulling away, your eyes travel straight to it just in time to see Daryl take it and throw it into the head of a walker only a few feet away. Your legs make their way back to solid ground as you spot the small horde or walkers heading right to you. He grabs his crossbow and swings it over his shoulder while pulling your knife out of the walkers head, using his boot for anchorage. You return it to its place as he grabs your hand, pulling you back in the direction of home.

“Come on, let’s get outta here.” He calls, as you both pick up the pace, feet slamming into the ground as you go.

As soon as the road leading to the gateway of Alexandria comes into view you both slow down. Spotting Rosita still up at her post and suddenly feeling very self conscious of your hand in his, you gently pull yours from its grasp. He doesn’t stop his stride but looks over at you.

“Yer having second thoughts?” He questions, like it’s supposed to be a joke but you can see the worry in his eyes before he looks back down at his boots.

Second thoughts about him? Not a chance, but you aren’t sure what his boundaries are with public affection.

 “Definitely not. It’s just been a long time since I’ve done…” you gesture between the two of you, “...this. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.” You admit sheepishly.

“If you dun know, then I sure as shit dun.” He glances over at you, a smirk pulling at one side of his mouth before his face falls serious again. “What is…” this time he gestures between you, “...this?”

Your legs falter slightly and you almost stumble but he catches you by the elbow to keep you from falling.

“You dun have t’answer that now.” He shrugs as if it’s not a big deal but you can tell it is by the way the muscles across his back and shoulders are bulging with tension.

“All I know is, I want you.” You stop walking and he turns back to you. “And I want everyone to know it.”

He steps to you, closing the distance, hands coming up to cup your face again before bringing his lips to yours and kissing you so softly you forget you’re outside with the possibility of walkers nearby. “M’already yours.” he whispers against your mouth.

Both your heads snap up when you hear screaming, only to see some members of your family standing up at the watch post cheering at you; Rick, Carol, Rosita, Michonne, they all whistle and hoot at you.

Your face feels as if it’s been set alight and as you start walking again Daryl coughs awkwardly at your side.

“So…yer wanna show her who I belong ta?”

A laugh bubbles up inside you as you shove him out of pure shock at his words and his sudden boldness, although his cheeks are still stained pink.

“How can I resist?” You respond, taking his hand in yours and marching right through the gates to the continuing cheers of your friends.

Feeling almost euphoric as you head through the streets of your home and up to your shared house. You let him lead the way and as he does, he walks right past Jodie, not giving her a second glance, you however can not resist the smug smile that teases your mouth as she looks away turning her nose up at the two of you before stalking off and away from you both. Seems like someone’s finally got the message.

You rush forward, over taking him, feeling an urgency bubble up inside you, eager to have him all to yourself in all the ways you've thought about when you're alone at night.

As soon as your front door closes behind you both, you're pulling him down the stairs to his basement room. Pushing open the door and seeing his bed all made up neatly, the reality of what you're about to do sets in. Stomach flipping wildly as the throbbing of your core seems to match the nervous pounding of your heart.

Daryl kicks the door shut with his foot and locks it, before leaning his crossbow up against the wall by the bed. He's the one who closes the distance and his lips are on yours again, softer this time and not as needy but instead loving and sensual.

He pauses, pulling his mouth away from yours.

"Are yer sure about this? We dun have ta do nuthin' if ya dun want." He says, clasping your hands in each of his, bringing one up to his lips and pressing them to the back of your hand.

Your heart swells at the delicate touch. He is yours, finally, and now you could show him how much you've longed for him.

"I've never been more sure of anyone or anything."

He chews his lip anxiously. “Alrigh’, but if ya change ya mind at any point, just tell me.”

His insecurities are kicking in and it’s breaking your heart to witness. You’re determined to reassure him, you need him to know how much you want him.

You capture his face with both hands. “Daryl, I’m not going to change my mind.”

He’s no longer looking at you, just worrying his bottom lip with his teeth and nodding but you can tell he’s not believing the words you’re saying.

You push his leather vest down off his shoulders, “I want you to listen to me, Daryl.” Your fingertips begin at the buttons on his shirt as you watch his adam's apple bob up and down with a nervous swallow. “I have waited for this moment for as long as I have known you,” pushing the shirt off and down his arms, your eyes drift the length of his body, the sight making your core throb with desire. “I have thought about this many times.” Your fingers tease at the button of his jeans, fingertips peeking in between the fabric. “If you don’t want to do this however, I can wait. I will wait as long as you need.” 

He shakes his head and whispers to the ground, “I dun want ya ta stop.”

Placing a finger under his chin and lifting his face to look at you, “then let me show you how much I fucking love you.” 

His eyes pop slightly before his face returns to the hesitant, fretful image once again. “Dun say that if ya dun mean it.”

Frustration flickers inside you but you bite it down, wanting to shake him but understanding that he can’t help this feeling and all you can do is try to dispel his fears. 

Gently, you push his chest and guide him to the bed until he’s seated on the edge. 

You begin undoing the buttons of your own shirt, until the swell of your breast is revealed right in front of his face. He looks up and groans at the sight, his hands coming up to peel off your shirt before it’s even registering he’s doing it. His palms glide up your sides but hesitate before moving any higher. Softly, you grab his hands and place them on your breasts and he can’t help but massage them as you watch him close his eyes, relishing the feeling. 

Your fingers move into his hair, combing it back off his face so you can bask in his beauty.

His large hand finds your back, fingers spread out as he pulls you to him. His lips find the skin of your breasts and leave a trail of light kisses. His facial hair tickles but you're too wound up to laugh. He looks up at your, finding some confidence, and you have to clench your legs together just to provide you some relief from the hunger in his eyes, blowing his pupils wide.

All you can think about is where his lips are going. When they reach one of your nipples, you gasp as he suddenly sucks one softly into his warm mouth, toying with the sensitive bud by slowly circling his tongue around it.

You moan as you find yourself leaning into the action, pushing yourself further between his legs. His fingers find their way to your jeans, undoing them and pulling them down. As his kisses descend to your stomach, he guides your legs, one at a time, out of your trousers, stopping with his lips pressed to your inner thigh. Your heart pounds violently from him being so close to the area that craves him the most. Your needy cunt painfully aching with desire. 

This man is going to drive you crazy. 

But this is supposed to be about him.

Lowering yourself to your knees and bringing your fingers back to the button of his waistband, flicking it open and pulling down the zipper. The sound of it seems to echo in the heavy silence of the room.

As you pull his jeans down along with his boxers, he lifts himself off the bed briefly to enable you. His erection hits his stomach with a thud and you relish the sight, burning it into your memories. Peppering feather light kisses along his thighs, watching as he fidgets desperately underneath you, hips bucking up involuntarily. The sharp intake of breath as you lick a stripe up his shaft has you squeezing your legs together again in another attempt to ease the unbearable throbbing.

“Fuck, y/n.” he whispers.

Biting down the smirk you feel by instead, plunging your open mouth onto his hard cock. Enjoying the fact he can't seem to catch his breath between the lewd sounds escaping him, as you bob your head up and down on him, your tongue tracing unrelenting patterns along his length. 

His hands find their way into your hair, smoothing it back and holding it in a loose ponytail.

You take him into you until he hits the back of your throat, squeezing your thumb in your fist; holding your gag reflex at bay. A few more times and saliva is running down the length of him and pooling on the bed covers underneath. Bringing your other hand up and using it to follow your mouth, sliding up and down on his spit covered shaft. 

“Shit, y/n, I ain’t gonna last.” he gasps out.

The feeling of pride swells in your stomach knowing you are doing this to him. Glancing up, his face contorted in pleasure is something you could look for the rest of your life and never get bored. 

“I wanna taste you.” you say, before diving straight back onto him. 

He thrusts up to match your movements, your throat starting to feel bruised from the endless knocking of his tip on the sensitive skin there but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, too eager to give him his release. His groans become louder as his motions grow sloppy, you knew he was close, you could quite literally taste the salty pre-cum begging to be unleashed.

“M’gonna cum.” He pants out, as you feel his release shoot inside you, hot and fast, swallowing every rope he paints the inside of your mouth with. All the while he watches, holding your face while his thumb traces along your jaw.

Releasing him from you and sinking back on your heels watching his afterglow relax his mind and hopefully, his body, you feel as if you’re in a dream. Nothing could be more perfect than it is right now.

He doesn’t need long before his hand is reaching for yours, pulling you up and onto him, moving your legs to straddle his lap.

“Don’t you need a minute?” You ask, amused.

“Nah, I’ve been wantin’ to make yer mine for long enough, I ain’t wasting no more time.”

His hand goes to the back of your head, sliding his fingers into your hair and pulls you down to him, lips meeting and joining in a passionate dance. 

He gently pulls your mouths apart, looking up at you with soft adoration as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ears. 

"I wanna make sure yer know how I feel 'bout yer." 

"And do you know how I feel about you?" You ask, holding either side of his face.

He nods slowly, "I think so." 

"I need you to know it, Daryl." You stare into his eyes, as if willing it into him. "I love you; always have and that is never going to change."

He shuts his eyes. "Can yer tell me that again?"

You lean against his ear and whisper. "I love you." As your lips move down to his jaw, peppering kisses down his throat and sucking the skin there leaving pretty purple marks for all to see.

You feel his erection against your buttocks and grab it gently, lining him up with your slick entryway.

"I love you." You repeat as you slide yourself onto him, earning a hiss from his lips.

You cry out at the sensation of all of him inside you, stretching you out in such a delicious way. He groans against your chest, teeth softly grazing the flesh of your breast and causing you to clench around him. He jolts at that. “Shit. Woman, yer gonna kill me, yer feel so fuckin’ good.”

The fact he’s so vocal only turns you on more as you slowly start to move your hips, rocking them back and forth. His hands are everywhere all at once, he cannot seem to keep them in one place long, as if he wants to feel every inch of your body and burn it into his memory. You are definitely not complaining.

Grabbing hold of the back of his neck to give you anchorage, you lean your other hand back on one of his legs to keep you steady as you pick up your rhythm. Relishing in the moans you’re pulling from him, watching him fall apart beneath you, no longer the serious, stern, in control Daryl everyone else saw. He’s now a submissive, passionate, writhing mess underneath you and you have never felt more powerful and beautiful than you do right now.

His hands slide up to your breasts, gripping them harshly and bringing his lips down to one, enveloping your nipple and sucking it hard making your pussy clench around him again. He growls with teeth now holding the hard bud in place. 

God, you wanted him to bite you and yet you didn’t. 

You wanted hard and rough but slow and sweet all at once. You wanted everything right now and it was making you crazy.  

Letting your head fall back as his lips make their way up your neck, sending tingles down your body and making your toes curl. Your stomach tightens, the pull of your orgasm already nearing, as the vulgar sound of his cock sliding in and out of your wet pussy fills the room.

His hand gently pushes the back of your head to his, crashing his lips against you again, while he grabs your hips and guides your movements, angling up inside you and every time he hits that sensitive spot, it ticks down to your release.

You let your eyes close as you chase the sensation, feeling yourself clenching around him ready to snap.

“Look at me.” His gruff voice sounds into the quiet. You obey, eyes fixed on him.

One of his hands slides to your rear, squeezing the flesh and using it to help you move, his other hand cups your face, stroking your cheek. The pure adoration and love in his eyes has you coming undone, your cunt spasming around him as lightning bolts of pleasure erupt in your body, an explosion of the love you have for him. 

Trying to stay focused and keeping your eyes unwavering proves to be difficult as they roll back into your head briefly. When your pleasure filled brain realises your eyes go right back to him, his stare intense and mouth open as he watches you.

Your movements slow as you begin to come down, pussy gripping him tight, not ready to let him go. Your thundering heart feeling as if it’s about to gallop away straight into the clouds. You did not want this feeling to end.

He gently turns you and lays you on the bed, slowly sliding out of you as he does. Not that it cushions the blow of how empty you feel without him inside you.

Feeling his lips on your foot, he trails them down to your toes before sucking them into his mouth, his tongue exploring the crevices between them and sending a bolt of pleasure straight to your core.

Your pussy begins to throb again and you can’t resist your hand coming down and rubbing slow circles on your clit. He kneels up, bringing your foot with him, unmoving from his mouth. His strong erection glistens wet in the dim light of the room, covered in your orgasm and it twitches as he watches your actions. 

His mouth travels up your leg, lips feather light and barely touching your skin as he tucks your leg over his shoulder. His trail continues up the inside of your thigh, your breathing erratic and fast as the anticipation knots your belly. The image of this man in between your legs, was long awaited and almost too much to bear.

His eyes fixed on yours is something you definitely weren't used to from him and you couldn’t bring yourself to look away, not to admire his body or watch as his tongue delves deep into you. 

A lengthy, loud moan fills the room as his tongue swirls inside your entryway and you realise the sound is coming from you. He moans against you, the vibration making your toes curl and legs tighten around him. When he moves your hand away from yourself and licks a stripe up to your painfully swollen clit you cry out. Pleasure ripples through your body, making you shiver uncontrollably as his actions pick up pace, tongue relentlessly circling the sensitive bud. 

Your second orgasm builds rapidly, legs clasped against either side of his face. He pushes them down with his big hands and you struggle against his strength to no avail. When he smirks up at you, you almost lose it. You had never seen him look so sexy. 

Stomach tighter than ever as he now sucks on your bundle of nerves. You can hardly breathe but you begin to grind up against his face, chasing your end. He clearly likes it by the groan you hear and the fact you can feel him thrusting into the mattress. Your hands finding anchorage in his hair pulling him even harder against you.

“Oh, yes Daryl, I-.” Your legs start to ache but you can’t stop, not when you're on the edge of the precipice and about to fall in. He picks up his pace even more and it is enough to send you unravelling, pussy clenching around nothing as you ride out your high, quite literally against his face. 

As you come down, your mind cloudy with thick fog, Daryl crawls up your body. That second orgasm, although powerful, did nothing to extinguish your want for him. As your hands automatically wrap around his muscular back and your thighs around his waist, pinning him to you. He slides into you effortlessly with his rock hard cock, grunting through gritted teeth as he bottoms out in you. You pull him down to you, licking your arousal from his mouth, the taste turning you on further.

He’s panting above you, pupils blown out with want as his hips begin to move. His pace is fast and his thrusts heavy, you know neither of you can restrain yourselves by the soft, sweet approach this time and neither of you will last long either.

Using your heels to push him in harder and faster still, as he slams into you, cock rubbing that sweet spot inside. Your pussy squelches as he moves and the sound fills the room, making it known just how much he is pleasing you.

A hand grips the head board and he uses it to push himself deeper into you, while the other goes to your throat, fingers pressing delicately into your jaw and steering you to look at him. You feel yourself tremble under his touch, completely at his will, with just the heaviness of his hand on you causing your back to arch off the bed. 

“Daryl,” You gasp.

“M’right here.” He replies through ragged breaths, desperately chasing your high as well as his own. 

His ferocity has the bed knocking against the wall and with each bump your insides coil tighter and tighter.

You’re on the edge again but your body isn’t ready yet, it needs more.

“Daryl, you feel so fucking good inside me.”

“Better than yer thought?” he replies through gritted teeth.

You nod, mouth open with a silent moan. “I’ve thought about you fucking me a lot.��

His focus returns to your face.

“You ever thought about fucking me?” You ask, almost pleading.

“Fuck, yes.”

You can’t help but smile as pride fills your chest. “Would you touch yourself while you think about me?”

The man is as deep inside you as anyone could go and yet, he has the cheek to blush. 

“Tell me.” You whine, as you bring your hips up to match his movements. “Please.”

“Yea, I do,” he says quietly.

You let out a moan, picturing him with his cock in his hand chasing his release while thinking such crude things about you. You feel yourself tighten around him, almost falling into the abyss. “What would you think about?” your fingers digging into his back, desperate for your third orgasm. “Tell me.”

“Fucking yer bent over my motorcycle, while you scream my name.” 

As he spoke the words you climax around him so forcefully it’s like your greedy cunt is trying to milk him.

“Fuck, y/n.” he says attempting to pull out of you but as you’re still spasming around him, you can’t bare the thought of him not inside you while you ride it out and so you push him further inside you with your heels. Seconds later you feel his warm seed fill you as he groans your name into your ear.

He collapses onto the bed beside you, both of you breathing hard and heavy attempting to recover from your unexpected show of confession. Leaning over, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close, your back flush against his chest.

“What yer say to tomorrow someone else goes on the run and we stay here, in bed?” he places light kisses on your shoulder, “and I can have yer all ta myself.”

Smiling, you turn in his grasp and face him, tucking his hair behind his ear. “I have a much better idea…” looking up, giving him a mischievous grin. “Why don’t we go out somewhere and you can bend me over your motorcycle.”

His face flushes a deep pink hue but nods, eyes lighting up. You press your lips against his as you feel yourself being pulled under by sleep, exhaustion finally taking over and when you pull away the last thing you remember is how safe you feel in his arms. Until he whispers, “I love yer too, you know.”

[mseirtaku]

Me watching travesty that was Kung Fu Panda 4.

Under 'read more', I have my full (unsolicited) thoughts on the fourth film - warning, I don't have much good to say about it 〔´∇｀〕;;

SPOILERS! + LONG ASS POST!

So... I'll start with the positives, because honestly, I do love aspects of this movie.

Any scenes featuring Li and Mr. Ping are the absolute highlights of this film. Love them, ship them, hilarious chemistry between them. I'd watch a whole film dedicated to just them.

Though not as funny as the previous films, it’s genuinely funny, like, some jokes are deadass hilarious. (See above for example lol)

Genuinely, the main villainess, the chameleon, has such a cool design and Viola Davis provides such a good voice for her. The animation whenever she transforms is so cool.

Jack Black as Po is just so charming, you can't help but find Po so likeable.

For what little we saw of Tai Lung, he was a treat to see.

Great animation, lovely scenery, love the little animation flairs during the action scenes

Alright, now time for the negatives... Which unfortunately there is a lot of. I’ll go step by step and build up to the bigger picture I’m trying to visualise here.

The Kung Fu Panda

Po’s character arc was pretty much complete at the end of KFP3, when he has his epiphany and finds that his true self lies in not restricting himself to one label, but by embracing everything that makes him Po. His identity by this point is very well realised. Unfortunately in KFP4, the tacked on conflict of him needing to retire the Dragon Warrior title and choose a successor just… Doesn’t make sense for his character at this point. Not to mention, the movie repeats a joke ad nauseam where no one knows who Po is, or of his adventures, jokingly chalking it down to a ‘regional’ tale. You’d think the literal saviour of China would be well known. The world-building feels so much smaller for it. Unfortunately, this movie is very determined to undermine the impact of the last three movies, all to prop up the wisecracking and super cool shitass Awkafina character. Sorry, not sorry, but Zhen is a terrible character just for that reason alone. If Kung Fu Panda wanted to pass the torch down, Tigress or even Tai Lung would have been a much more compelling option, seeing as both were telegraphed to be potential Dragon Warriors in the past. Speaking of…

Tai Lung

Man… The trailers got my hopes up that KFP4 would feature a long awaited redemption arc for the OG villain of the KFP films. Instead, he’s delegated to a cage for half his scenes, and received the barest minimum of character arcs in the finale. Granted, he was still entertaining to watch, but he was totally under-utilised.

To continue the topic of identity, the film missed the chance to ask this: “Who is Tai Lung without his kung fu?” All his life he’d been raised with huge aspirations to become the best kung fu master, and to eventually gain the dragon scroll (which he was denied.) In KFP4, the chameleon summons him from the spirit realm, and drains him of all his kung fu skill. Therein lies the missed opportunity for a compelling character arc, now that he’s been cast out as a supposedly useless body into the real world. And who better to help him figure out his identity other than Po himself?

I could go on forever about the various fanficy rewrites and plot ideas, but I don’t want to let this get any longer. So I’ll talk about one more topic.

The Chameleon

I love her design, I love her voice acting, but compared to Tai Lung, Lord Shen and even General Kai… She’s simply a weak villain. (Too small to learn kung fu… Really?? With characters like Mantis and Viper who deadass exist in the same franchise???)

‘I’m the Chameleon! I do nothing but change!’ holds such potential for a far more interesting backstory. Instead of being rejected for her size, suppose that it was seen by many king fu masters that she simply didn’t possess a true spirit of a kung fu warrior. As explained in this film, their abilities are harnessed in the spirit/soul, not just the physical body. Perhaps she didn’t want to work for those abilities properly. She wanted the easy way forwards. She didn’t want to put in the proper time and effort to become a master of the craft. Spurred on by what she sees as rejection, she learns sorcery to take on any number of identities of kung fu masters. So many identities she could use to fool herself into believing she was someone talented and gifted in the art of kung fu. But it’s only a lie she tells herself. And so, she takes the drastic action, and decides to start summoning these masters from the spirit realm. But even as she slowly grows in power through the course of this film, maybe a strong sense of imposter syndrome starts to set in. These powers aren’t truly hers - what value does a carbon copy of something original have? Nothing. She never properly worked for them and made them her own.

Anyways. I’m almost done writing.

Quick fire round of criticism;

Akwafina’s shitass character

Furious five just tossed aside except for a non speaking cameo. Tigress got done so dirty - if there are gonna be like three more films, they should have been about her

WHAT DID THEY DO TO LORD SHEN’S CHARACTER MODEL

The goofy-ass way he was attacked and then thrown into the cage, the disrespect lol

Li (the victim) and Lord Shen (the genocidal maniac who destroyed his village and killed his wife) somehow existed in the same space and did not get into a conflict.

Why does Kai still exist in the spirit realm? I thought he was literally skadooshed to be extra double dead lol. Like spirit literally eradicated

Akwafina’s shitass character

The villains bowing to Po feels super unearned given how under-utilised they were. I can see it working, just not in the plot we got in the end

Po’s character feels weirdly dumbed down, it’s hard to put my finger on it

Fart joke :(

The innocent and cute but secretly psycho baby bunnies are the definition of anti humour. They’re so fucking obnoxious and cringey

For some reason, the character designs of new characters feels super incongruous and out of place.

The Dragon Warrior isn’t an inherited title, it was given during a time where China needed a hero. Why does it need to be passed down?

Ȁ̸̺͚̮̘̔̌̇̋͛̀́́̒̉̅̐ķ̶̲͍̘̖͈̭̮̝̩͐̃̎̕w̴̙̖̫̿̿͜a̸̧̠͎̰̲̠̮͇̰̼̱͂̋̃̇̑̍̊̂̎̾̓͝f̶̛̼͓̱͖̖̭͓͍͚͋͛̍ḯ̶͕̈́͛̀̎̆͛n̶͖͓̻̉̆̎́͆̌͌͂̾̉̚a̷̡̻̟̟͍̳̙̰͔̬̜̐̏̾̍̊̎́͂͊͝’̷̢̢̭̬̹̪̟̰̣́̈́̌̈̑̄̔͗̓̃̄̐s̶̡̹̙̖̲̝͎̳͔̍͑́ ̷̢̤̈͊͛̚s̸͓̪̠̼̪̤͈̜̎ȟ̵͇̥͈̟͖͈̣̞͚̘̩͍̓̅̀͐͗͛̏̉̀̒͘͜i̸̛̦͕̖̙̲͔̗̙̘̥̣̰̖͖̭̓̄͂̋́̍̓̃͘t̴̯̯̔̑̈̽̇̋̈́͌͛á̴̡͍͓͎͍͈̖͖͎̼̀́̅̿͌̂̌̆͠s̷̢̳̙̦̯̥̮͕͍̃̃͑̂̎̑̍̀͒̊͘̚͝͠͠s̴̪͖̼͈͂̏̚ͅ ̶͕̺̟̙̲͓̘̟̠͇̩̖̠̦̫̄̅̋̓̈́̓̆͋͝͝c̴͕̤̮̎̿̎͐̀̐̊̆̓̍̾̈́͠h̵̛̝̑̋̎̃̈́̆͋͒̅͊́͑͠͝a̷̡̹͍̳̘̪̰̰̤̼̎̄̈́̚ͅŗ̷̝̲͚̻͚̮͕̳̙̭̻̄͆̇̐̄̐͂͘a̴̡̢̯̩͓͓͂̄͑͗́́͂͠͠c̸̨̺̖̪̙͖̯̟̠͙͐́͊̾̅̎̏͠͝t̸̛̗̣̳̠̯͎̫͔̣̱̞̂̅͑̀̈̄͋̈́̆͘͝e̸̢͎͙̻̩̦̹̜̩̦̖̫͍͂́̌ͅr̵̨̄̅͐̍̏̅̀̃́̇̇̅̕͝

That’s all I have really. Sorry for straying so much into fanfiction territory, but it’s an integral part of my criticisms. I could honestly write forever, but I mainly wanted to share this silly redraw of the Tai Lung meme using Lobster and I’s silly Kung Fu Panda Hetalia gijinka crossover AU nonsense lol

If you read this all the way to the end, congrats! And sorry - I never do long text posts like this lol

[eneablack]

when i first shifted to my fantasy dr (part 1)

i shifted to this dr in the past and i made a google doc about it because i wanted to send it to my friends but now that i have this account i can share the experience with y’all too :)

i recently shifted there again and wanted to share that too but i thought it would be better to post this one first as it explains more about my dr.

i’ll just copy and paste the document but it says that it’s too long so i have to split it into two posts.

so here we go.

OKAY SO I don't know where to start because I'm still freaking out okay. first of all, to shift, I simply set the intention to wake up in that specific reality (which I called “fantasy reality” because I didn't know what other name to give it) and went to sleep without doing anything else except visualising some parts of my dr house. the next morning i felt something on my face like someone was holding my face in their hands which scared me because i went to sleep alone and usually no one wakes me up but then i remembered it could be mom since we had something to do that morning. only that it wasn’t mom- opening my eyes I was hella shocked, I can't even explain what I felt after seeing that I had neteyam in front of me (yes, I added him to the script of this reality too), after all these months of pure agony (and I'm not kidding) I was finally in front of him and him in front of me. i immediately tried not to act weird but it was super hard so after he asked me if i was sick i told him i had a very weird nightmare and i still had to recover. the fact is that in this reality where I shifted he is not a blue alien but a "human" version (not so much human because he's an elf) and god, he was beautiful, the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. at that point he seemed kind of worried about me because i was staring at him the whole time in silence trying to realize what had just happened so to avoid freaking him out more i told him i was so tired again and fuck, he laughed and then he fucking kissed me. to say that I exploded at that moment is an understatement, but let's overlook it. we got out of bed and started getting ready because, from what I understand, we had decided the night before that that morning we would go to my best friend's café (her name is auri and she is a fairy) and it was initially strange to realize that I had wings on my back (they are not so big anyway, that's why I didn't even feel them at first) and I immediately wondered how the fuck do I put a shirt on 🧍🏼but in the end I wore something all shredded. auri (one of my best friends) was so energetic, she never stopped talking but it didn't bother me. then my other friends yuri and will joined us (it’s will byers lol, i added him to the script after watching stranger things this summer). and will is a faun here 😭 he is truly a love, the sweetest and kindest person i know. I'm writing too much maybe I should cut it a bit, i’ll try to summarize from now. in the afternoon comes my favorite part: my work. in this reality I am half fairy half witch, which is a rare gene there (i scripted so because i wanted to be main character), in fact I am almost the only witch in the village apart from my mother and grandmother. so I went home to prepare a potion that someone had asked me for, they had to spray it on the garden that would make the crops grow well. meanwhile, while I was working on my table/altar, neteyam was working on a wonderful painting (that’s his job) which represented the image of the ocean at sunset with a ship in the centre. it was incredible, he was so talented. after i finished the potion i had another customer that day who ordered me a tarot reading so i went to her house (customers often come to my house but it is more usual for me to go to them). she was a young fairy and lived with her mother. as soon as I arrived they were both very kind and asked me if I wanted something to eat or drink before the reading, I said maybe later but they insisted so they made me sit down and gave me a slice of lemon cake (y’all it was so good) and some tea made by them.

(go to my next post for part 2 cause i can’t fit the entire text here for some reason)

[welcometololaland]

Howe do you get the characterisation of the characters you write about soo well? Like legit was reading the ring in (again) and that was a huge take away I got. Like “man, this IS Carlos and TK” same with your firstprince fics. What’s your secret? 👀

Hey, anon. This was super nice and very unexpected, so thank you for making my night <3

Truthfully, I can't articulate this well, so I'm sorry if it seems a bit scattered. A lot of my characterisation comes from me scheming up scenes in the shower, literally zoning out and thinking of dialogue as if the characters are being acted out in front of me. I do have some tips that work for me (and I hope are helpful for you!) which I've put below. Please feel free to let me know if you need further clarification!

Also, if anyone else has any tips, feel free to contribute. I'd love to hear them :)

TIP 1: For Lone Star (or any visual media - TV/movies), I'd spend a LOT of time re-watching the scenes, observing character's mannerisms and trying to replicate that in and amongst the dialogue (you don't even want to KNOW how many times I've watched Tarlos compilations - it's sickening). I think a LOT can be achieved with visual cues - for example, TK loves that sassy hand he whips out every now and again - and I'll try and build those things in with my dialogue. THIS IS ALSO WHERE GIF MAKERS ARE SO AMAZING, because GIFs provide snippets of scenes which allow writers to really hone in on a character's micro expressions. Carlos loves to raise an eyebrow, for example. I think these little details can go a long way.

TIP 2: It helps to build in familiar phrases. I love a canon callback (as long as it fits within the scene) and I think they can be super useful in adding extra authenticity. For example, one I used recently was Alex's "cool to see you're not dead or anything." It's a canon line, which can be easily applied to a different context. It just adds that extra flair, because you KNOW that the character would say that. I would just caution you to use them sparingly, so they pack that extra punch.

TIP 3: Read widely in the fandom! I think it helps to get a really good understanding of how characters behave by developing your own sense of what is in character. If you really vibe with how an author is portraying a character, make note of why you feel that way and try and apply it (obviously without plagiarism) in your own way.

TIP 4: Ask for (gentle and constructive) feedback from people you trust, if you feel comfortable enough to do so. I am FOREVER grateful to some of the people I've met in fandom who have been able to guide me with sensing what is/isn't out of character. It doesn't even need to be a full beta read. It could be quite simply: 'hey, do you think X would do this?'. Don't be afraid to reach out! I am so open to helping people with this and I know a lot of other people are too.

TIP 5: This might be a bit weird, but I do this because I am not an American and I write for a lot of American media - I spend a lot of time trying to visualise how a certain character would say something in their accent. It's taken me a long time to learn certain Americanisms and I'm sure I still get a lot of them wrong, but sometimes I literally close my eyes and try and imagine Ronen saying a line I've written, in his accent.

TIP 6: Keep writing the characters!!! The more you do it, the better you will get. I'm even looking back at some writing I did in early 2022 and trying to fix a bit of my characterisation, which just shows how much it has changed even in 1.5 years!

Best of luck and thank you so much for being so kind. I hope these are helpful!

[amumandherthoughts]

The birth story.

This is a long one..

I was 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant when I had my last 'normal' appointment with the midwife team. It was then that they told me if I hadn't naturally gone into labour in 2 days, then they would have to induce me.

Not exactly what you want to hear with your first pregnancy. Lots of people tell you lots of stories and how induction can be more intense or it was the best labour they'd ever had. Whatever, everyone is different, so I took it all with a grain of salt and hoped for the best.

2 days went by and I had my next appointment where the midwife and Drs recommended a 'Cook's Catheter'. To try and prompt my body to do its thing without the need for an IV.

Well I came back the next morning and still no labour! Shit. I was going to have to be induced.

Ok, so I'm in the birthing unit ready to go (and completely terrified but trying to hold it together).

They take out the Cooks Catheter and I'm 4cm dilated. Great! Almost half way there!!

The nurses broke my water, put the IV in and the contractions began.

Holy shit.

To quote my mum- "they don't call it labour for nothing." Boy, was she right. I had all the pain from my contractions in my lower back, and it was excruciating!

I'd never had anything hurt as much as those bloody contractions! No one told me as much, but I presume my baby was posterior because of all the back pain.

I was using heat pack after heat pack. Having my husband massage my back as hard as he could and it still barely helped! I was using the gas, which I think mainly just helped keep my breathing under control...

After 5 hours, I was ready to up the ante - I asked the nurse for the next step in pain management - Endone.

Well, all of the people who say Endone is the best are all fucking liars. It didn't take any of my pain away, just made me super drowsy and want to fall asleep even during a contraction!

Right, so by this time, I'd had the IV induced contractions for roughly 12 hours, and every time the nurse did an internal exam, my cervix was at 4 cm. There was no change! I could have cried! Well.. I did! And I was exhausted!!!

So the reason it took so long to get to this point was because every time I contracted my baby's heartbeat was waver and so the nurses couldn't increase the hormones to get me to dilate more/faster. They turned it off for a short time, and bub was all good, but then they turned it on, and the heartbeat wavered again.

So the Dr recommended an emergency ceasarean section due to failed to progress. Meaning my body didn't do what it was supposed to and bub couldn't come out!

I was ok with having a caesar, that part honestly didn't bother me. It is what it is and the team I had were incredible.

I had an epidural, which was heaven! For about half an hour. Until it made me vomit and bubs heartbeat wavered again and I needed to lay on my side. Well then the anaesthetic drained to the side didn't it and I started feeling the contractions down the other side again! This certainly wasn't what I expected when they gave me an epidural.

Ok, so after this, we headed to surgery. We're talking 17hrs after being induced now.

I'd never had any sort of surgery in my life. Only ever had mild local anaesthetics!

So when they numbed my torso and down it was the weirdest feeling. So see my legs being moved but unable to feel it. I hated it.

And then, being in the ice-cold theatre, thank God I had my husband by my side because I was downright terrified.

Terrified of feeling pain (which I didn't)

Terrified of the surgery (I would visualise it and freak out)

Terrified something bad would happen to me (haemorrhage or have tools left inside)

Terrified most of all that I wouldn't hear my baby cry.

During the surgery I kept vomiting and felt gross as fuck. The lovely nurse suctioned the vomit from my mouth and all was well.

Bub was taken out, and he cried! So I cried in relief! I can't tell you how much relief I felt about that. He had a bit of a hard time breathing, so I couldn't hold him, and he had to go up to special care. My husband went with him, and I went to recovery (where I slept for 2 hours, apparently!!)

I was then taken to the maternity ward and special care unit to see my bub. So surreal being able to see and touch him! Still no cuddles yet though because he was on the breathing apparatus.

I was wheeled back to maternity and tried to sleep. Though that was difficult being so very numb and worried about tearing stitches or whatever else might've gone on down there.

Thus, my baby boy was born, and I am still emotional remembering these happenings. Very emotional.

It was traumatic and downright awful. Will I do it again? Yes, because it's a small drop in the ocean for what I now treasure more than anything.

[rhube]

The Case for Limiting Personal Wealth

Unpay-walled link to the New Yorker article 'The Titan Submersible was an "Accident Waiting to Happen"'

I'm reading the New Yorker article linked above, which contains acres of quotes from people warning Stockton Rush about how dangerous Titan was. It's hammering home to me what I have believed for several years:

Allowing people to have more than a certain amount of money to personally dispose of is catastrophically dangerous to themselves and others.

No single person is capable of responsibly managing that much cash. And the possession of riches itself warps perception dangerously. This is powerfully obvious when you read how Rush responded to being challenged. The way he first limited what things he would allow his safety expert to assess, and then fired him when he wrote a report - specifically so there would be a written record of him telling Rush that even the things he was allowed to assess were horrifically unsafe.

We're talking about a vessel Rush planned to enter himself.

And then he asked his Finance officer to be the pilot. This worried her so much that she found a new job ASAP, practically screaming *Scotty voice*, "I'm an accountant, man, not a submarine pilot!"

What this illustrates, apart from anything else, is the capacity money gives to people to say no to others without consequence, and how this makes them inherently incapable of judging when it's appropriate to listen to others and doubt themselves.

That is fantastically dangerous.

Not only should we tax away the possibility of billionaires existing in order to ensure fairer distribution of money, but we must do it for public safety. We need to prevent super rich people from being decision-makers of significant power. Their very wealth makes them collossally BAD at it.

It is unescapable, reading quotations like:

“I had come across this business anomaly I couldn’t explain... If three-quarters of the planet is water, how come you can’t access it?” (Rush)

What utter nonsense. Buzzwords instead of a brain. Meanwhile, experts on deep-ocean exploration (all of whom must be risk-takers to even consider that) say things like:

"You can’t cut corners in the deep,” (Rob McCallum)

The pre-exiting condition of Being Rich should automatically discount rich folk from being CEOs or entering governmental positions.

This wouldn't just ensure fairer salaries for all, and a redistribution of extreme inherited wealth to those who need it, but would prevent people who are inherently bad at assessing risk from endangering others.

This doesn't mean that people who are good at their jobs shouldn't be rewarded, both financially and with responsibility that reflects their good judgement. Rather, there should be a ceiling and more sensible scale for compensation, not just to ensure people at the bottom of the scale get their fair share, but to ensure the judgement of our leaders does not become warped.

This would also help temper the temptation for unscrupulous ladder-climbers to succeed through bad behaviour and backstabbing. There is less incentive to be a conniving shit if you are well-compensated at all levels and you aren't given unhinged freedoms and cash at the top.

This is an expansion of thoughts I posted to Mastodon earlier. I just felt in my bones that this was an insight that I hadn't quite seen captured before. (It probably has been - for all I know, there are studies, but I hadn't seen it expressed quite like this.) I know I and others have pointed out the limitations on an human of managing an amount of money they cannot visualise, but this article made me feel slapped in the face with the fact that it ISN'T SIMPLY that inherited wealth enables stupid people to be in charge of things they can't handle; nor is it just that wealth and power insulate you from harsh realities and consequences.

It is is that the kind of insulation from reality and consequence that (literally) unimaginable wealth brings *makes* you stupid. Or, more precisely, it makes you lose all grasp of certain important self-checking mechanisms that make you doubt yourself, listen to others, and have any capacity at all to assess risk.

Your ability to buy away most problems seems to make a lot of people utterly incapable of processing that some risks cannot be bought off.

Obviously not all super rich people are as insulated from reality as Musk and Rush. Bill Gates seems to retain a modicum of sense - setting up a foundation to help you manage the disposal of your cash is a step in the right direction. But you don't have to look very far to find callous things he's done that many people would be aghast at. Philanthropy is simply a way to buy good press.

As I have said before, no on should have the right to dispose of that amount of cash by themselves. It is enormous hubris to even suppose that you can choose by yourself the right people to manage a billion pounds.

But it's not just that. Money makes you stupid. We all need to know what it is to be told no and forced to accept it with good grace. Whenever you reach a level of money that means you don't have to accept 'no' as an answer, ever, that amount of money is making you stupid, and for your own good, some of it should be taken away.

[burning-academia-if]

THE DEMO?? CHEF'S KISS IT WAS AMAZINGGGGG OH MY GAWD??? the way you write is so captivating and descriptions are written so well that you can easily visualise the world you were trying to portray oh my god . IM SO EXCITED FOR US TO ATTEND AND STUDY AND JUST BE A SILLY traumatized SCHOLAR ugh academia is everything to me!!! I love rook already and our mother WHEW- you wrote that so so well it's PERFECT!!! praying mc doesn't get bullied if it gets discovered they don't have magic (?) 🙏 and I'm super excited to see how the different paths are gonna work out, I love ifs that dabble into morality and such!! the demo was SOOO GOOD I savoured everything until the end . can't wait to meet Zoe in particular I love them!!!! AHHH you should be extremely proud of yourself because your writing truly is incredible!! MUCH LOVE AND TAKE CARE!!

Ahhhhhh thank you sm!! I'm glad you enjoyed!! You can also meet Zoe in the prologue for like a minute depending on choices as well 😌

[mbti-enemies]

Hello, favourite duo on Tumblr

ENTJ-T 3w2 here ✋🏻

It's gonna be a rant.

I'm having a crush. Big one. I think. Bad emotional mechanism, here. Anyway, I've tried to communicate with him. And it's starting to work.

I think.

Lots of thinking, if you haven't noticed.

He's smart, dresses exceptionally, most likely an IxxP from what I gathered so far. An Aquarius too. Taller than me (I'm 176 cm, so it's a plus) He rarely comes to classes which drives me mad because I want to be in one room with him and watch him, you know just... Watch, observe, besides talking.

Problem is, I malfunction whenever he comes close to me. My tongue gets tied up, I make stupid mistakes, say stupid things.

No, seriously like, how do I manage to keep my cool, be aware of his and everyone's presence and still make stupid mistakes when he's around me. It's like he comes, I get brain error 404 but still manage to somehow evade complete embarrassment, he leaves, and I become completely unusable for approximately 3 to 4 minutes. Then it's all good cause, heh *smooths hair* we can't let it faze me too much, right?

RiGhT???

Any advice? or idk just plain reassurement will be fine

Example of my idiocy:

He *asks me what I'm doing*

Me *obviously making a maquette of wooden chair* Uhm- *tries not to be sarcastic because it's too early for that sassy energy* You see- *malfunction because GOD DAMMIT WHY DO HE LOOKS SO GOOD WITH THAT WHITE HOODIE* This- You know, just working on a chair, making calculations and stuff, I'll be going to the machine soon. (to cut the pieces from the wooden stick)

He: I meant the design, actually.

Me: Oh, *OF COURSE HE DID, he knows it's a chair, HE HAS THE SAME ASSIGNMENT* yeah, well yeah... *malfunctions* It has hand rests!!!

(same energy as "LOOK, IT HAS POCKETS!")

He: *probably noticed I'm being an idiot and decided to give me space* Aha, cool. *turns to look at the teacher cause she called him*

Me: *continues to work, contemplating suicide*

After an hour I had to go and instead of "Chao" which is how you say bye in my native language (Bulgarian) I end up meeting his eyes while saying it to everyone and said "Chal, got go." it's a rough translation, but you get me, I guess.

HOW DOES IT STOP????

Duuuuude this is so cute entj glitch 1.2 ahaha you’re such a mess (affectionate)

anyways, the advice imma give you is pretty obvious but, here it is:

A) Dude it’s gonna be okay also like I’m sure he doesn’t think you’re that weird yk like people can lose their words sometimes like no hope has been lost through your funny little interactions

One day he’ll know how super smooth because

B) you can to r e l a x like he’s just a human being and like you KNOW you need to relax around the guy. if you know you’re gonna be seeing him, something that helps me is like visualising this person beforehand and visualising feeling comfortable around them, visualise having a nice long and good chat where everything flows super well and you feel happy. I think it helps because it basically gives you practice right, like once you’ve created it in ur mind you’re more likely to be able to create it in ur mind again when the situation is irl

C) ask him out. dude. you may as well. just ask if he wants to go out!! “heLLo, do you want to go to ____ with me?”. The thing is, you’re not that close friends with him, so you don’t have the “it could ruin our friendship excuse”. And, it probably won’t make things that awkward, even if he says no, as long as you okay but casual afterwards because you didn’t confess massive massive feelings or anything yk? You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain so do it do it do ittttt

[orthodoxadventure]

As someone who’s Catholic->Orthodox (nice little arrow, I didn’t even know that did that! TIL), do you find spiritual consolation in meditation on the Passion? Many Orthodox people I’ve come across advise against it, saying contemplating Christ’s pains and death is almost morbid and not something the faithful are advised to do—after all, He is risen! Etc. But it’s way different obviously in Catholicism (Sorrowful Mysteries, devotions to the Five Wounds, Precious Blood, etc.). Where do you personally land on this? Ty! Praying for you! :) [also lowkey happy we’re mutuals bc you’re super cool!!!]

This is a hard one to answer, because contemplation is something that I really struggled with in Catholicism. It was always something that deeply pained me about the Rosary, no matter how much I loved it and the meaning of it. I have complete Aphantasia, which means that I can't visualise things in my head at all. All of my thoughts are essentially a monologue or just 'knowing' something. And this makes contemplating something (at least in the way that Catholics interpret contemplation of the Holy Mysteries of the Rosary etc) pretty much impossible for me. I found that what worked best was to focus solely on reading lines of Scripture relating to each mystery, which isn't quite contemplation. So as for contemplation, it was very much something that I didn't have a choice in. It was never something I could do, no matter how much I wanted to. I was very much drawn towards things like litanies, where there is a lot of repetition and well, a lot of words. So I was quite comfortable in a lot of ways to shift towards praying Akathists.

In terms of particular devotions to the Five Wounds or the Precious Blood etc. I'm not sure where I particularly fall, as I have to admit I haven't done much reading into the Orthodox arguments against these things. In terms of prayer, I've very much been drawn towards just finding Akathists online. In that regard, I would speak to your Priest about your feelings and concerns. I know a lot of laymen will argue one way or another, but I don't think they would be particularly helpful. Your Priest would be able to best advise you about these things, and if he does suggest something towards the negative, then hopefully he will have an alternative for you, or that you will find an alternative yourself that you find deeply meaningful for your prayer life.

Thank you for the kind words though, I really appreciate them! You seem super cool too!

[emmym1]

My thoughts on... Black Widow 2020 (#1-5) "The Ties That Bind"

So after finishing the incredible 50 issue run of Captain Marvel by Kelly Thompson I decided to start reading Black Widow (2020) which also happens to be written by her! I was super excited to read it because Black Widow is one of my favorite characters in the MCU, and while I had casually read some of her comics a few years ago I never really was able to delve into everything the character had to offer in the comics. So it was super excited I now have that chance! And I have to say it absolutely blew my mind how amazing these first 5 issues were, all of my expectations were exceeded.

This run started off amazing and immediatly grabs your attention within the first three pages with its amazing art and visualisation of action sequences. It was actually incredibly how fluid and smooth the action in this. It was drawn in such a way that you could easily understand the flow of the action while also seeing every single detail of it. The art in general in this is absolutely fantastic in everyway. I was really intrigued by the setup of this first arc. Black Widow getting taken out only to reappear as a super happy mother in a perfect family. I was really curious to see as to what actually happened. And as the story progresses you get more and more Truman Show vibes. I think it was a really great pick to have Arcade be the mastermind behind it as this type of thing was completely up his alley. I loved Clint's and Bucky's involvement in this as well. Them trying to figure out what is going on with Nat and not being sure whether they should pull her out of this or not. It's really bittersweet in a way, as they realize it is too good to be true for Nat but still hesitating to pull her out as she seems genuinely happy and at peace. It's kind of tragic too as I imagine she hasn't had much peace or chances to just live life and be happy, and now that she has that chance she gets forced to leave it all behind. Her slowly remembering her old self and then remembering who she was was so well done. The way she slowly took upon her old spy habbits was great. In general they did an amazing job at showing how much her being a spy affects her mind, how she percieves things and how she stands in her daily life. Little things like putting tape on the door so she would know when someone was waiting on her, stuff like that really did a lot for her characterization and showing how much being a spy influences her daily life. The moment she realizes everything and is back to her old self was kind of heartbreaking in a way. As she knew from that point on that she wouldn't have the chance anymore at a peaceful and blissful live with her husband and kid. Even worse, that she would have to break all ties with them so they would be safe and wouldn't get caught up in her troubles. It must've been such a painful moment for Nat, because you see that she genuinely cares for them and genuinely wants a normal life with them. But she just can't. And it's super heartbreaking because you know it really hurts her that she can't have that. The final few issues of this arc were defintely the most emotional and admittedly made me tear up a bit. Them trying their best to bring Nat's husband and kid to safety. And just as she checks up on them and turns her back they get blown up by the people behind this entire mess. That moment was incredibly emotional and heartbreaking, especially due to how good the art was during it. Nat crying as you see her face through the fire, realizing what just happened, and why it was right of her to force them to break all connections with her. It's very painful. I'd imagine that in the back of her mind there was a small part that was convinced that they could make it work somehow and they she could have her happy life with them. And now she gets the ultimate proof that she can't, no matter how much she wants it.

The reveal afterwards that it was a fakeout and that in reality her husband and kid were safe somewhere else on the planet was really shocking. Because it completely recontectualizes the scene where they get "blown up" and Nat cries. One could say she was just acting so everyone would be deceived and convinced of what happened. But I feel like those were genuine tears because like I said she gets the ultimate proof that she can't have a normal and happy life with them. But furthermore, from that point on they're basically "dead" in Nat's eyes. She can't ever see them again, no matter how much she wants it. She'll never know whether they'll be happy and never will get to see her kid grow up and that must be absolutely heartbreaking to realize. And that's what I think she started to realize as the plan was set in motion and the explosion happened. Her happy, perfect family is gone forever and even though they're still out there, she can't ever see or reach them. It's incredible tragic. But the moment that really hit me was this piece of dialogue she has with Bucky afterwards, who was the only one in on the plan: "There's an ache in me I've never felt before. In all the things I have been through... the highs and lows... the peaks of joy and the depths of sorrow...all pain and regret...nothing has felt as empty as this ache. It feels like and endless hole. And I cannot imagine how something so dark and endlees and empty could ever be filled." Seeing her say this and breakdown into bucky's arms on the floor was incredibly emotional and heartbreaking. It really made me tear up because you realize how tragic all of this is. And it only gets proven further in the last few pages of issue 5 as you see both Nat and then her husband and kid sit at the front of their houses each in a different part of the world as Nat talks about finding peace and happiness thinking about how she might be watching the same sunset as them. It's such an emotional page. This first arc just completely sold me on this run. I was left feeling absolutely speechless and emotional after finishing this arc. It really shows how tragic Nat as a character is and how bittersweet her life is. The trajectory of her life is such a tragic one but yet she manages to always push through and be better, even now when she basically lost her entire newfound family that she was genuinely at happy and at peace with. But still she pushes through and wants to be better because of them. And that's what really makes this character so interesting to me. She's been through so much, suffered so much and yet she still stands strong even though it's not always easy and even though she'll never have the normal life she might dream of. She does the best she can given her circumstances and knows who she is and what she can do, but also the things she isn't and can never have. I'm so happy I decided to start reading this run. I'm completely hooked and this first arc just left me feeling speechless and emotional. The art and writing of this run is just absolutly incredibly, every action moment is perfectly visualized and the writing just really sells her as this incredibly spy that can't get topped by anyone while also being a really vunreable person deep down. The last few issues were just incredible and I can't wait to see how Nat will evolve from this. Will she be able to become better for them as she promised or will she give in and take revenge for what she lost? It's going to be really interesting to see where they'll take the story from here. And I for one can't wait to read it!

[wooahaes]

Firstly, hi!! How are you?? It's been a while since I messaged (sorry!). I hope it went well for you today. I have absolutely loved all of uts!! I'm so glad Cheol got his happy ending. Something that bugged me the whole way through was where did Mouse's mouse (lol) come from? Did you answer that in the last part? Was it Jeonghan? I thought it was such a nice idea giving them a teddy. My 2nd question (which you may have answered before?) is how do you visualise all of the rooms and places where it is set? I understand that the dar+ling mv might have inspired some places, but I'm curious as to what way you picture it? I have definitely created images in my head and I'm curious to know where they match up and where they differ. (it's so cool to think that we have two completely different ideas of what it looks like, imagination is pretty cool lol).

I hope enjoy answering these haha. And I hope you are well!!

hi hiii hehe im doing great actually!!! passing my class gave me a huge boost lol (ill probably fall asleep in a few hours)

i can't remember if i implied it earlier on (i dont think i did?) but it was indeed jeonghan who made it for them!! i like to imagine that he made them for everyone after maybe jun or soonyoung (and then went back and made a few for himself and the others) once they all had animals 'set' in a way haha (i cant remember if i ever established them in-fic for the ppl who didn have nicknames? ill have to reread later). everyone has their own lil representation <3 but yes, jeonghan made the mouse for reader as a little way of giving them a little companion since he didn't expect them to join the cuddle pile immediately

and for ur second question... hmm... i dont rly know how to answer it right offhand? like. i feel like i pulled from set pictures n whatnot from the mv, but other than that, its just a matter of like... imagining where i want things to be. if im entirely honest, i feel like i probably neglected some things when thinking about the physical landscape of uts? like theres a church with a full on garden behind it but the underground part they live in has holes that serve as windows. but at the same time i kinda excuse it away as remembering that i did establish the passageway from the church to the main room isnt a super short distance. the garden isnt super huge, just big enough to house plenty of plants that are ~magically there~

maybe ill draw out some kind of a vague map sometime tbh?

ty for the questions tho! i feel like i might come back to them if i think more on the visualizing thing. its hard to explain it when its rly just 'i see em in my head but i cant exactly show that unfortunately' :(

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Honestly I live for you explaining your own perspectives, processes and opinions on your work. It's a lot of fun to see if I missed stuff or caught most of it and how interpretations lined up. I can't actually visualise anything in my mind so I tend to read things for the writing itself and will often just stop to appreciate a well crafted sentence, a paragraph with a strong impact or even just a word that fits perfectly or has an effect that would have been completely missed with any other. I tend to pay close attention to the tone shifts and often get to an interesting part just to go back to find the particular words that assisted that shift the most (I do that so much with your writing and I always find another thing I didn't see the other times). I really enjoy your behind the scenes, it give a fresh and in depth perspective from the works creator and I love it! My favourite fanfiction tags are angst, hurt/comfort, dead dove ect and I've become pretty desensitised, the stuff that goes on in them doesn't tend to stick. But holy shit that didn't apply to your DD:DNE, stuck like super glue and it's been rolling around in my head since I read it. I knew from the first paragraph it was going to be good but I haven't had to take breaks and read pure fluff fics in between a Dead dove in literal years and it was genuinely incredible. I'm really glad for your post addressing a bit about how you made and thought of it because it really answers some of the questions I'd been having, mainly why had it left such an impact on me. You've given me the answer perfectly a lot of the dd:done fics around tend to have things just come out of left field and from a storytelling perspective tend to have little to no setup and payoff, our shock value but I've been reading them for years know what I'm walking into, I'm not there for the shock. From recent memory the only other fic I can think of that did that pretty well was actually another bnha fic, and it was much shorter and I can't remember who it was by or the name but it kinda built around the dead dove area first in a way that made it seem like a natural course for the characters to take dispite it being a pretty absurd concept (not a good course but one that mad sense for the story's portrayal of those characters). And I rambled again yeesh I gotta learn to condense these. So thank you anyway for your writing and bts of them to I really enjoy reading both!

I'm glad you're enjoying my work and that you've found something of value in it as you analyze it at such a technical level! I really don't read any Dead Dove fics myself, maybe 2 or 3 throughout the years, so I can't speak to that experience, but that is interesting to hear about your experience with the genre! I'm glad the bts was enjoyable, I never know how much to talk about that kind of stuff because often times it doesn't feel like there's all this other stuff happening in the background until I've finished a piece and taken a few steps back.

[pidayforpi]

Confession Time

[...about the "settings" in my Ducktales/Duckverse fan fics]

(If you have been following my "headcanon-heavy" Ducktales stories (such as this, this or this), or my random thoughts/infodump from time to time, you may see that I often refer to something as "my settings". Or, in case of characters, "my Donald"/"my José"/"my Scrooge" etc.

You may also notice various cringy outlandish additional details in some of my Ducktales works (such as the fact that Donald is absolutely mentally unstable, and can and will commit murder; or the fact that Donald (among others) has literal magic for some reason).

So, uh...here's the thing...

[Super embarrassing self-indulgent infodump below]

Before I even started writing fan fics, I have actually already thought out an entire plot and settings for my Ducktales story.

This is something that I...sometimes do (especially in the past). Whenever I get invested in a new production, my brain may automatically generate a "fan" plot and settings using that production as a background, which may get developed more as I got to know the production better (as well as a possibility of adding crossovers).

(Yes DT is not the only one subjected to my cringy mind, but I'm still too embarrassed to share the others at the moment. If you must know, another example is Skyrim)

Now that I realise it, that Undertale story idea is actually an example of that. Personally, I call these ideas "Projects".

These Projects:

→ Are developed to different extents. "Developments" include a complete plot (e.g. an ending?), a comprehensive world-building/settings, and possible messages and themes of the story

[Ducktales has been rather developed]

→ Are of different lengths (Long, Medium, Short)

[Ducktales is a Long Project]

→ Are thought out automatically in my mind. A plot will just pop up, and I will use it, with only adjustments and add-ons. (In other words, once a plot is generated, it stays. I may make modifications as I am thinking it out, but the plot direction largely stays the same)

→ Are thought out in an...anime episode fashion (instead of words). I visualise the scenes in my mind, with music, visual effects and such things that I can't possibly portray in a written story

→ Are...also very anime-y (most of them are Fantasy/Adventure, with power systems and yes, skill names)

[Like Ducktales has its own "Magic" power system, with different categories of magic]

→ May involve "crossovers". Crossovers are usually other productions that are canonly or non-canonly related to the base productions

[For example, my Ducktales Project uses DT17 as the base, but has crossovers from LotTC, Paperinik and Kingdom Hearts. There is also a bit of Goof Troop (or the Goof-verse in general), because Max/Goofy/Pete/PJ are in the story]

[For the Skyrim example, the "other productions" are actually Skyrim mods]

[They may also involve other fanworks/personnel but obviously I can't share them publicly. Not any for Ducktales though]

→ Are 80% non-lore-friendly (I redefine what is lore-friendly lol)

[In my Ducktales Project, the entire event of Season 3 is non-existent, because when I thought of the plot Season 3 had not been aired yet logically it cannot happen under my story]

→ Are something I never thought I could ever share with absolutely any other human being. I have a ton of ideas in my mind that, from the moment of creation, I have prepared to die without anyone knowing it (Because they are just...so crazy or I legally cannot share them due to copyright. It's like your sketchbook of OCs you've created when you are like 12)

-------------------------------------

So. What am I trying to say?

When I started legit writing stories, sometimes, I used some of the settings in my Ducktales Project. At that time, I called those settings "headcanons", rather than the entire story being set in an AU.

This is due to me wanting to actually create something for my very much self-indulgent Ducktales Project, as well as share my (very crazy) ideas with someone else. Therefore, I have integrated bits and pieces of my settings into my published works.

...but then here's the problem. I was (is) too embarrassed to fully reveal my AU. As a result, there are now weird, half-canon (to my Ducktales Project) stories that I have written. (which is worse than completely non-canon, to be honest)

For example...

→ That "Wish" story linked above, which is supposed to be an alternate scenario of the Season 3 "Quack Pack!" episode? Is not canon. Simply because anything from Season 3 does not exist in my AU. Goofy also does not inform Donald of the war this way, nor is the war "a war between Light and Darkness" this actually sounds so forced and cringy. It is not even a "conventional war" in technical terms (not a two-sided war, at least), more like an insurgency.

(The entire Kingdom Hearts plot and concept has been basically taken apart and reshaped into something else. Sora isn't even in the picture, for example. It's a completely different story. Another AU, if you may.)

What is canon are the involvement of Goofy, Mickey and Donald in the war (both past and present), as well as everything in the headcanon page in that story.

→ Another example is the "Power of Berserk" story. That is 100% not canon (sorry shippers, donro isn't a thing in my AU). This is extremely embarrassing, because there is a chapter/scene in my Ducktales Project that is called "Power of Berserk", with a somewhat similar but also very different plot.

What is canon are Donald's violent tendencies, and the idea of an Evronian apocalypse. Otherwise that story is super non-canon.

→ The most "canon" story I have written is probably "Ice on Fire" (yes Donald canonly beats up Lunaris in my universe). The only things not that accurate is Panchito's reaction/personality (I made him too dumb/distant from Donald. He's supposed to be rational but sympathetic), and some points in the headcanon page afterwards (e.g. Scrooge and the kids do know that Donald has magic (because magic is very common in my universe; also why would Scrooge need Donald on their adventures otherwise?). They just don't know what Donald is doing with his magic).

Also there's more to that scene, because that is actually an ending of the first part of my Ducktales Project.

-------------------------------------

I...cannot rewrite/delete those stories. I may add a label about what is canon or not.

But the most important thing I am going to do is to make an info sheet about my Ducktales Project. This is getting confusing that even I have to write one, if only for myself to read.

It is going to be super long...and super self-indulgent. But I have become less embarrassed to share my ideas, after seeing others share theirs (such as Cursegirl's Furious Revenge AU I mentioned in the last infodump). I feel like, even if it's only my Ducktales AU, I can share it.

I just have to write it out...which may take a while. (But this is like the "2023 Summer of Infodump", where I keep writing these passages instead of actual stories. So the momentum is here...for now)

If I have the time, I will also produce a character sheet besides the info sheet. The info sheet is going to be about world-building, settings and the plot, while the character sheet will focus on...character information.

Yea. Let's see how it goes.)

(7-8-2023)

[slow-button-off]

Some thoughts on LEC in Austin

This is a cumulative delta graph. And it essentially visualises the delta or gaps between the drivers at every lap. It can be used to just see how the gaps develop and change between drivers during a race. Anytime a drivers line dips down drastically they pitted.

1 -> At around the 1 mark is when LEC made it out of traffic and wasn't slowed down by other drivers anymore. And you can see that both his line and VERs line have a similar upwards trend. The gap to VER does increase over the next few laps but not as drastically as it did at the start.

2 -> LEC extended his first stint longer than the others. And tyre deg on the first stint looks good. It's medium tyres that are supposed to last 14-18 laps and they look alright. It's hard to judge if he was going his full pace because they were planning on doing plan E which I am pretty sure would've been an even longer stint on the mediums so he was probably saving his tyres.

3 -> is when he overtook PER. The gap to HAM and VER opens up this much imo because they were fighting. Nothing to say about tyre deg because the stint was on hards and super short.

4 -> This is where his mediums give up a little bit and the tyre deg kicks in because you can see the gap opening up. So this is after 7 laps which is around half of the supposed tyre life. I would assume that it wouldn't have been this early and this bad had he not been fighting VER. And on the radio him and Xavi were talking about watching the tyres more but he didn't do it because he didn't want to lose DRS. But here he did end up losing it.

5 -> Here his pace gets better again. If you were to draw a tangent somewhere around 4 it would be much flatter than if you did it here. And the gap to VER starts to stay roughly the same. IDK if that is because he was tyre saving in the middle and then pushed more because PER was getting close. Or if the tyres are doing a weird thing where they just have this weird dip in performance and then they calm down. But imo for 20 lap old mediums that he pushed a lot at the start they were doing ok. Obviously not as well as the RB but I do think that it has gotten better. I can't say that with any certainty but it looks reasonably ok especially when you compare it to Lewis line. Lewis was on hards and their lines have a similar slope and at 20 laps the mediums should be worse.

Tyre deg definitely isn't fixed but I do think it looked better this time around

[zeondraws]

Okay so I thought of making a post showing all my art related books. I shall begin with DC comics

I am a fan of the Legion of Super-heroes, it is unfortunate that they don't get alot of attention in todays media and are barely known in Germany. I had to import a bunch of them from America which was already a hard task to find a seller who'd be willing to do that. But I got them either way!

Only thing I didn't read here was this thick book I bought at a comic store all those years ago, somehow it doesn't speak my interest that much but it also showcases all the appearances of the legionnaires in the old comic books.

Then I have these 4 magazines from ImagineFX, I find the content really cool where they showcase so many different artists I haven't seen before. Also the old magazines have the extra content on a website where you can easily access the downloadable files of any other magazine from that time by editing the URL. Tho alot might not be useable or because I don't use Photoshop. Well I could pirate it, but also I am spooped of catching viruses.

These ones got recommended to me by a friend, I am so amazed of Simons works and the way the storytelling takes place. I wish to be able to draw like him one day, it would be so cool to be able to properly visualise everything I'd imagine.

Oh boy this is a big bunch.

I haven't read all of them thus far, my school stress and worries made me not touch some of them at all since purchase, but I'll try to change that the coming months.

I wasn't a big fan of Conan and Metro, it's not my taste in comics. Perdida for example was a really neat one with a huge twist at the end. It honestly flabbergasted me.

And Myre + Radius are my favourite ones among these comic books. They're the first ones I purchased from Splitter Verlag.

Oh boy and here we have all my books from 3D total (tomorrow I'll get a few more)

Some I still have to read, two I already finished and 3 of them I already started reading.

I got the Composition & Narrative one on Christmas day. The Hermes delivery guy was also playing music when he was at the door. Like a Santa Claus haha.

These ones are from all different kinds of book retailers. I saw the Procreate one in my local bookshop and was like, "I need that" and it helped me greatly.

I remember importing the Legends of the Guardians book directly from Australia. It took a while to arrive but it came in December of 2020? I believe. Really gorgeous artworks in there, I love owls so much.

4 of the books were gifted to me, which are equally as cool. I loove the animal anatomy books I got from my dutch friend.

Last books I have here are from different things. Firstly blender... I, I know there are free internet tutorials. But I am stupid so I need a book where everything is written down so I don't melt my brain trying to google a solution. It's reaaaally big

I haven't read the Nier artbook yet, but maybe soon.

The other two are as seen from avatar and alita battle angel. I went through both of thwm and really enjoy the contents presented in there. I still remember watching Alita back in the cinema, I was soooo mindblown by everything, and the OST of the movie just rocks.

Oh boy I don't think my artbook obsession will ever stop, they atleast greatly help me learning new things for my own artworks. Yes there are youtube tutorials but I also would like to read up on things.

I can't wait to look at the contents of my new books tomorrow. I must absorb the knowledge into my brain!