Neku is happy to be back. There’s no uncertainty in that happiness- being back in the Realground, being Home, that’s all he’s wanted for the last three years. Now that he’s gotten it though, he’s not always sure what to do.
Things are different than he remembers them. That should go without saying, it has been three years after all. The shops he’d become so familiar with have mostly been replaced, new brands he doesn’t recognize, some names familiar but just different enough that it’s almost uncanny.
He has his friends though. Even if things aren’t quite the same as they were three years ago, Shiki is still Shiki, Rhyme and Beat are still Rhyme and Beat. And he has Rindo, Fret, Shoka, and Nagi now as well- more people who understand what he’s been through.
(he doesn’t need to talk to Him.)
None of them quite understand though. Not in the way that he sometimes wishes they would. The way he immediately feels guilty for thinking about, for wishing that kind of solitude and sorrow on them in any form. He’s glad they weren’t in Shinjuku with him, he’s glad they didn’t have to experience that.
But he doesn’t know how to talk about it with them. He can’t stand the guilt in Beat’s eyes when he mentions it. The subtle agony in Shiki’s gaze if he brings it up. They both say they’re fine talking about it of course, that he’s always free to lean on them, to share his feelings with them. They want to be there for him, to support him- and he wants to let them. He does. It just feels wrong to make them shoulder that burden.
Shiki and Beat don’t really talk like they used to, Neku has realized. Thinking back, he isn’t actually sure how much they ever talked back when he was still around. They were friends, but did they ever really have anything in common besides the Game? Did any of them have anything in common besides that…?
(they did. He was the one Neku related to the most. but he’s not ready to talk to Him.)
No. He won’t think like that. The Game might be the thread that connects them all, but their friendship is a choice, one they’ve all made; a commitment they choose to treasure and maintain.
Right?
It feels weird, seeing them as adults. They’re all still kids, really, but technically they’re grown up now. Shiki is running a business. Beat dropped out of school. He won’t say it, but Neku knows it was because he was looking for him- because he was too depressed to go about life as normal when Neku was missing, when he’d watched him get shot and disappear before his very eyes.
Neku can’t help but wish that Beat weren’t quite so loyal. He wishes he hadn’t spent the last three years of his life searching for someone he couldn’t hope to find. He doesn’t want to say that it was a waste, but he can’t help feeling it. Beat deserved better than to agonize over him all this time.
He’s glad that Shiki was able to move on somewhat. To get her life together and follow her dreams with Eri. He knows she never gave up on him, she never would- it’s who she is, and why he loves her. But her job keeps her busy, and as much as she tries to make time for him, he feels guilty keeping her. She and Eri are doing what they always wanted, and he doesn’t want to get in the way of that in any form.
(he knows how it feels to have an anchor, something tethering you to the past. he doesn’t want to be that for her. for any of them.)
He can’t talk to Rindo. Or maybe it’s more like he won’t. Because Rindo is free now, he’s safe- Neku will make sure of it, he won’t let the UG sink it’s claws into him again and drag him back like it did him. But Rindo is young, and he looks at him with eyes full of faith, like he’s some sort of hero. Neku won’t make him shoulder his trauma, won’t force him to commiserate his time in the Game for his own comfort.
The same goes for Fret, Shoka, Nagi. If they come to him to talk, of course he’ll be willing- be a good mentor, be a good friend, whatever they need him to be, whatever he didn’t have coming out of the Game. But he won’t start a conversation about the UG. He won’t make them relive those experiences.
(there’s only one person he doesn’t feel guilty talking to. only one person he feels deserves to see his anger, to bear the burden of his grief.)
(he isn’t ready to talk to Him, because he’s not ready to accept what it means that he Wants to.)
(he knows that He’s watching, always from a distance He thinks Neku won’t notice, but never quite far enough away. maybe it’s on purpose. that seems like something He would do.)
(or maybe Neku’s just thinking too much about everything.)
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Lady Merethe of House Sofinoy
"Now, why would I get close enough to a dragon for it to rip me apart when I could simply bombard it with spells from a distance? I've never understood that."
The children of House Sofinoy are known for their somewhat unorthodox ways of thinking, and Merethe is no exception. The youngest of the viscountess's daughters, she has no wish to follow the path laid out for her by tradition. Along with her younger brother, Aurélien, she chose a different way to fight for her people- though her weapon of choice (thaumaturgy) is much more acceptable in the eyes of their peers than Aurélien's (machinistry).
Since the end of the Dragonsong War, she's spent much of her time journeying across Coerthas, working as a mercenary and adventurer of sorts, occasionally joined by Aurélien. The two have also been known to aid the Scions and the Warrior of Light when the situation calls for it, most notably during the war for Ala Mhigo and at the Ghimlyt Dark.
Bonus, the burden of being an older sibling:
Why is it that every time someone wishes to speak with Aurélien, Merethe is the one they send to track him down and pry him away from his work for five minutes? Fury help her, if she has to interrupt her research to find him one more godsdamned time-
Stephanivien can only offer his sympathy. Wasn't his turn to babysit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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