#those holidays went too fast and I want at least one more week like that

[murobrown]

.

[gt-daboss]

GT April Fools (1/2)

Warnings: Heavy Angst and Fearplay, Vore mention, Giants dehumanizing people

Next chapter

2300 words

“Are you sure she would like it?”

Melody asked, eyes locked onto her friend, yet not meeting her eyes, pointed ears shot straight up in anticipation. Well, she wouldn’t really consider Alex her friend, Melody struggled to make those, but she was the only person she could think to turn to for a situation like this. Alex, for her part, glared at her classmate.

“Hey, come on! I’m the expert with humans here, remember?” Alex scoffed, turning her nose up to Melody and purposely avoiding eye contact. Melody backed away, she DID want her help, so challenging her knowledge on a subject like this and making her angry was probably not the best idea. No, if she wanted her… the human to like her, then she would have to learn from Alex.

“No, no sorry I- I shouldn’t have questioned you, you're the expert after all, it- I mean I guess I just don’t understand how April Fools jokes work,”

Melody stated, messing with her hair subconsciously and averting her gaze to her hands. At this, Alex turned back to face Melody, smirking as if a new great idea just came to mind and she just couldn’t wait to share it.

“But if-”

“Listen if you want her to be your friend, then you gotta treat her equally.” Alex cut in, “Everyone messes with their friends, you can’t just leave her out of it, imagine if I left you out of my pranks?”

“Yeah, right” Melody responded, her frown widening. In truth, she hated Alex’s ‘pranks,’ which could be expected to be anything from ‘borrowing’ her food at lunch to more recent events like making fun of her short ears, an especially delicate topic for Taurs. Shaking her head to avoid another spiral, she focused once more on her friend. “I suppose I’ll give it a shot.”

“Alright! That's what I like to hear. Let me know how it goes, I might try it with my own humans as well, its their holiday after all.” she proclaimed, before quickly getting up and heading towards the door. “As much as it's a pleasure to talk humans with you, I’m hungry since somebody didn't share lunches today.” she teased with a wave before shutting the door leaving Melody alone with her thoughts.

With a sigh, Melody turned to her inner thoughts. Normally, she wouldn’t come to Alex for advice, but she was the only person Melody trusted for human expertise. Alex may have been kinda a jerk to her, but she was the only person outside of herself who had any experience with humans. Just thinking back to the time Alex brought one of her humans to school and showed them to her, she smiled softly just thinking about it. They were so cute!

Thinking back to her own situation, her human had barely talked to her yet, she wasn’t oblivious, she knew that she scared the human. Whenever she opened her mouth to speak and showed her teeth, or she moved just a little too fast, Evelyn would get the most horrid look in her eyes, like she was looking at a monster. Even just thinking about it made her sick to her stomach. She had to think of the positives, all the times when the human willingly went out to her, when she laughed at one of her jokes, when she let her touch her the first time. Just focus on the positives, and eventually, you will gain her trust, and maybe even… her friendship

***

Evelyn peeked out of the hole in the wall, her only safe space in the whole house. Seeing that the coast was clear, she stepped out into the open, out of safety. Today was a special day, at least, according to her Taur familiar, Melody. Over the past 3 weeks since the giant had first discovered that there was a human family living in the walls of her apartment, the two had grown closer and closer. Just a couple of days ago, the Taur revealed she had a surprise for the human, and while her parents had made it clear that they didn’t like her going out to meet with the Taur, they didn’t want to make her angry. She's already being generous not calling animal control on us... She would probably make a lot of money off it too…

No, she wasn't like that, she wouldn't sell her out to human control, or worse the farms… Melody had plenty of chances at this point, and while it wasn’t always clear what her intentions were, she had proven that at the very least she was the most trustworthy Taur she’d ever heard of this side of the border. Maybe instead of something mean, she had maybe gotten more human medicine for Mom. Yeah, that seems more like the Mel I know… Wait, Mel? Where did that come from…

*****

Slowly opening the door to not startle her human companion, Melody inched her way into the house and set her supplies down quietly. Peeking her head through the kitchen doorway, she spotted the small 5-inch Taur-like form briskly walking back and forth awaiting her arrival. She hadn’t even heard Melody come in, Taur being natural predators, and Melody was no exception. If a Taur did not want to be known by a human, there was almost nothing that one could do about it, usually resulting in the worst for the human.

Melody, for her credit, did her best to try and appear as small and non-threatening as possible, usually making sure to walk slowly but deliberately whenever she sensed the human in her presence. Though this is hardly a normal circumstance, what I’m about to do will definitely put me out of my comfort zone, I just hope Alex is right and she likes it,” she thought hopefully, subconsciously she was already imagining all the things that could go wrong. Just act like Alex, she has tons of friends and has been talking to humans for way longer than she had. Just don’t mess up, just don’t be weird, just don’t… 

She shook her head, all she was doing was just delaying the inevitable, taking a quiet but deep breath, she adjusted her hair and walked into view of her tiny friend.

*****

Being surprised when a Taur seemingly came out of nowhere always caused her stomach to drop to her feet. Regardless of if Melody meant to do it or not, any human that lived this side of the border knew that being caught without cover in front of a Taur was never good. It was hard to unlearn those feelings, these survival instincts, even if Melody had never done anything particularly scary besides being huge and kind of a clutz.

That's why when Evelyn suddenly appeared walking briskly toward her, she couldn’t help herself from taking a step back, much to the dismay of her large roommate.

“H-hey, hello! You came! I mean, you remembered! You remembered about today! I’m so glad you could make it.” Melody exclaimed in her softest voice, making sure that she remembered to keep her body in control. Making sure her hands were kept securely in sight and low, a small smile hiding her sharp canines dutifully behind her lips, and the hardest part: avoiding staring at Evelyn with her “hunter eyes” as she had called them.

Just stick with the plan, Just stick to the-

“Y-yeah, of course, I wouldn’t miss it no matter what. S-so… what kind of surprise do you have in store for me? All good things I assume?” Evelyn joked though she almost didn’t want to know the answer. Getting ready to bolt at the shortest notice, 

“I- I hope so. I mean I hope you will like it. If you don’t please tell me right away, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Melody assured, I don’t want to scare off the closest person to a friend I have, just don’t. Mess. This. Up.

Listening to Melody’s cluttered speech from the kitchen counter, Evelyn sat. Even with the enormous size difference, there was just something so disarming about the giant. It almost seemed like she was more nervous of the human than vice versa. Standing there, shifting from one foot to another, fingers fidgeting with her mouth taut in a hopeful smile, Eve had begun to wonder if some of the stories of Taur cruelty had been overexaggerated. Meeting the kind Giant’s eyes she saw nothing in them that conveyed the brutality spoken of in legend, only a girl who wanted nervous about making a new friend. Is… is that what Melody thinks of me? A friend? 

Slowly she felt herself relax, this was Melody she was talking about. The same girl who left out small bits of food, the same girl who went out of her way to buy human medicine when her mother got sick. The same girl who kept her a secret from her roommate. The warm feeling of renewed confidence flew through her as she steeled her nerves and stepped forward towards the giant, to the openness of her kitchen counter.

“Of course, I mean, yes, I’ve been waiting all week for this surprise, It’d be pretty silly of me to not accept my host's gracious gift.” Evelyn joked, for the first time feeling something close to comfort in the presence of the Taur.

Unfortunately, the feeling was not to last. First, it started with Melody cracking her smile open just a little too wide, showing her canines. Then, within the same moment Eve had truly begun to trust Melody, the giant’s hand shot out in a sweeping motion across the kitchen table, with her in its trajectory. Evelyn's heart turned to ice and her muscles refused to move. The only thing she could do was stare, all the memories that the two had shared together flashing before her eyes. She barely even registered the giant, clammy hand scooping her up and restricting her, Melody’s claws mere inches away from her face. Had it all been a joke? Had this entire time just been the giant’s sick game? 

Melody please! Please put me down, I'm scared, I don't like this, please, PLEASE! She tried to voice, but her mouth wouldn’t respond.

Before she could even get a hold of her new surroundings, they were once again flipped on her head, literally. Now dangled upside down by her leg, Eve had a perfect view of her friend’s- no her captor's face, smiling wide lips parted slightly. Once again she tried to speak, but once again her voice failed her.

“You ready to become my meal.”

At this, she lost it.

Any hope of the Taur letting her go vanished, the sparks of friendship built within the last weeks were instantly erased. Tears began gushing down her cheeks blurring her vision, and with her body finally allowing her to take a breath, her senses returned and she screamed as loud as she possibly could.

“PLEASE please please don’t eat me! MOM, DAD! ANYONE! Please don’t let her eat me please. I don’t want to die! Melody I’m sorry Ple-”

Just as quickly as she was shoved into this situation, she was thrown out of it, literally. She felt a burst of movement as the hand that once restricted her flung towards the table dropping her there abruptly and scratching her leg in the process. She rolled a couple of times across the table before being able to orientate herself.

When she finally caught herself, she wasted no time looking back at the giant, bolting towards the uncovered electrical outlet as fast as her limp could carry her. Not caring about the trail of blood her trek created, she wildly scrambled through the outlet into the safety of the walls. Heart beating a mile a minute, the only thought that coursed through her mind was that she needed to run. She needed to get away from here. Get away from the predator just beyond the safety of the walls. 

****

When the words left Melody’s mouth she immediately knew she fucked up. Meeting the human's gaze and feeling her body go rigidly solid before tears started flowing from those beautiful crystal green eyes nearly broke her. But the scream that followed completely shattered her. 

The voice of complete fear and helplessness. That she felt like this was truly the end and that Melody was going to actually kill her and she needed to scream to her friend to-

Friend? I’m no friend to her. Not after that. She urgently needed to make this up, but the frog in her throat wouldn’t let her. 

And the begging that followed, how she pleaded for someone, anyone to help her. Her mom, her dad, anyone and anything that would protect her from Melody. She felt bile rise in her throat at the notion of anybody hurting Evelyn, and the fact that the theat was coming from herself…

Melody couldn’t take it anymore. She needed this to stop, her heart began to spiral and without thinking she got the human as far away from her as fast as she could. Even in this she failed as her quick movements caused her claws to cut the leg of the human girl.

As she watched the human hobble away, the stickly sweet smell of human blood wafted into her nose. She hated it. But seeing the human stumble and crawl into the outlet, she now lacked anything real to focus on besides the miniscule blood on her finger.

“Wait…” 

She tried to call out, but her voice came out like a whisper, never reaching the human limping through the walls. Even if it did, why would they stop? She lowered her hand, her face now turning blank. She felt like a zombie, completely zapped of energy, she had just lost the closest thing to a friend she ever had. 

Robotically, she made her way over to her room and shut herself in. Collapsing near immediately face first onto her bed, her outer emotions finally returned to her full force. She silently wept in solitude.

Unknown to her, however, was Evelyn, listening in through the walls.

Authors Note: Hey yall, this is my first GT story, so I hope you like it, sorry not sorry for the angst :P if you have any comments or questions feel free to go off as much as you want.

Next Chapter

[whentherewerebicycles]

processing some weight gain stuff under the cut

okay. in 18 weeks of pregnancy I have gained 15 pounds, which according to the guidelines I was given is a LOT more than I’m supposed to have gained at this stage. based on my starting weight I am only supposed to gain 15-25 lbs total across the entire pregnancy, which idk people seem to be mixed on whether that’s actually realistic but that is what the doctor says. in the last two weeks I went up 4 lbs, and that was with a terrible cold that totally killed my appetite and made it very easy to not indulge in holiday food (I couldn’t taste anything). I am exercising a little less (30-45 min daily walks instead of 45-75) but not like, SO much less yknow? and I have also been tracking my caloric intake on an app to make sure I’m not going over (although I think my real motivation there is if a doctor gives me a hard time about weight gain I’m going to be like yeah well here’s 15+ weeks of data on my eating habits so you tell ME what’s going on).

the point is that based on a calories in calories out model I shouldn’t be gaining this much weight this fast but I am. that’s just what seems to be happening! so I think I just have to LET GO and accept that my body is going to do whatever it thinks is best to support the pregnancy. I can still make good choices but I need to decouple the choices from the outcomes. or like, I need to accept that my good choices will produce good outcomes (I’ll be eating nourishing food and moving my body regularly!) but those outcomes will probably not include weight loss or a slowing of weight gain. here is what I will continue doing:

meal plan every week—I might want to start thinking about meal planning snacks too esp as I am feeling hungrier during the day

eat lots of fruits and vegetables every day

eat very limited amounts of processed foods and watch out for added sugars

walk briskly for 30-45 min a day

go to this hourlong weights class at least 2x a week (ideally 3x) and tack on 20-25 min of cardio on the bike after

I could also try going to the gym more often to do low-impact cardio—like trying to work in a couple days a week where I do 45 min on the elliptical while watching an episode of TV. I do find that in the past doing a lot of that mindless low effort activity seems to help with weight maintenance and is pretty easy to sustain because I’m just like, as long as I’m moving it counts! I don’t have to be pushing myself super hard! this is probably most doable for me on the weekends (and if I’m at the gym already it increases the chances that I might decide to run too).

ok so here’s a rough plan:

sat & sun: walk dogs (30-45 min x 2) + try to do 30 min x 2 of extra cardio while watching TV at the gym (or when liz is feeling better I can see if she wants to go together or do pregnancy workout videos)

mon & tues: weights class one of those days depending on work schedule + 20 min extra cardio one day + 30-45 min walk both days

wed: 30-45 min walk

thurs: this is my busy/long day with work stuff and rehearsal, but I can usually squeeze in a 20 min dog walk and could try parking far away and walking into work on days when it isn’t raining to get another 20+ min in

fri: weights class + 30-45 min walk

and I gotta remember I can make the walks less boring by 1) driving to a random neighborhood and walking from there and 2) talking to friends on the phone instead of just listening to stuff.

OKAY. the takeaway is: I DO NOT NEED TO FEEL GUILT OR SHAME ABOUT THE FACT THAT I AM PUTTING ON A LOT OF WEIGHT. I AM FOUR AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT! THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT MY BODY IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING! I ALSO REFUSE TO LET DOCTORS OR THE INTERNET MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY ABOUT MY WEIGHT, BECAUSE I KNOW I AM MAKING HEALTHY CHOICES THAT ARE GOOD FOR MY BODY, MY BABY, AND MY MENTAL HEALTH. I ALSO WANT TO GENTLY DECOUPLE GOOD/HEALTHY CHOICES FROM SPECIFIC OUTCOMES. EATING WELL AND STAYING ACTIVE THROUGH MY PREGNANCY MAY NOT KEEP ME FROM GAINING “EXCESS” WEIGHT. BUT IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER IN MY BODY/SELF. IT WILL ENSURE THAT MY BABY IS GETTING LOTS OF GOOD NUTRIENTS. IT WILL HELP ME SLEEP BETTER AND FOCUS MORE AT WORK. IT WILL HOPEFULLY MAKE LABOR AND RECOVERY A LITTLE BIT EASIER TOO! I AM DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS AND IT IS OKAY THAT MY BODY IS NOT CONFORMING TO THE PRESCRIBED NORM. I TRUST MY BODY AND ASSUME IT HAS ITS REASONS!!!!!!!!!!!

[burninlovebutler]

20 - I Know You're Lying // Forever Winter // a.b x oc

warnings: mentions of drugs, sad/high!austin, cursing, mainly dialogue, kinda short, 18+ always, minors dni

20/?: Elsie shows up unannounced and suspects Austin of lying, then asks him to compromise for the sake of the coming holiday.

see masterlist/summary for background info + chapter log

Now I need your help with everything that I do I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you

I hope I don't murder me I hope I don't burden you

-AUSTIN-

I laid on my couch, every limb glued to the dark blue suede. It felt like heaven, a soft velvety heaven. The concrete hues and patterns of my ceiling blended into something so consuming. Plaster swirls spun around each other in a fluid dance, eyes following every twirl. Nothing else on my mind besides that beautiful cement performance.

An abrupt buzz rattled against the glass coffee table, yanking me from my riveting entertainment. It took a full ring and midway through another for me to finally reach my phone, turning it over to see Elsie’s name on my screen. A lazy smile tugged at my lips.

“Hello,” Answering, though it sounded significantly more excited in my head.

“Austin, what the fuck are you doing?” She asked sounding urgent, annoyed?

“What do you mean?” Just speaking felt like the most exhausting endeavor. “I’m, talking to you.”

“Austin, I’ve been knocking at your door for the past 20 minutes.”

“What? I think you’re mistaken Els. I’ve been home all day.”

“I know.” I never knew a knock could sound so annoyed until her fist met my door again.

“Oh, sorry I um, hold on.” Every muscle worked overtime to stand me upright.

The line went dead.

I heaved open the heavy metal door and propped myself against it, stumbling a bit when it swung back. “Sorry, I um- I must’ve fell asleep.”

She stepped forward cautiously, her eyes inspected me. Like she was a scientist, and I was the petri dish. “Right.” Stepping past me and into my apartment. “Is this why you haven’t answered any of my calls for the past week?”

“Els, I’ve been busy okay.” I precariously closed the heavy door behind me as if I moved too fast it would fall apart. “Listen, I can’t have you here right now. I’m doing a lot of work.” My immediate excitement of her visit quickly disappeared.

Her brows knit together as she stepped towards once again. I tried to divert my eyes from her this time. “Okay, you’re kinda freaking me out and I don’t appreciate you just showing up and– “ Lifting herself to her tippy toes, her index and thumb prying my eye open.

I immediately jerked back, “The fuck are you doing?”

“Are you fucking high?”

“What the fuck are you talking about, of course I’m not high.” Though, my snail slow speech begged to differ.

“You’re lying to me.”

“I’m not.”

“Your eyes are fucking red, you’re high.”

“I’m not fucking high, Elsie.”

“Yes, you are, I know you like the back of my fucking hand Austin. You’re high.”

I hated seeing her like that, seeing her look at me like that. I knew she was concerned, angry even, but mostly it was sadness hidden in her voice. That one was the dagger. It was part of package deal though, wasn’t it? Addiction and disappointment, one and the same. You can’t really have one without the other. An unfortunate byproduct but it was one I, at least, attempted to limit from her.

I’ve tried being honest about relapses before, but it only made things worse, complicated. It was the biggest fucking mistake because now under any slight suspicion she’d be up my ass, watching me like a hawk. The Nox sighting shit from last week was a mistake too, yet another thing I had to hide. Anything slightly strange I saw or heard, I had to assume it was just my head, even if it looked or felt real. The problem though was that those lines were beginning to blur.

“Fine, fine. Yeah.” I admitted. “I just smoked, it’s not a big deal.”

What I hated even more than seeing her look at me like that, was lying to her.

“It doesn’t smell like weed in here.”

“I blew it out the window.”

“Show me the bowl.” She crossed her arms and popped out a hip.

“You know, I don’t really appreciate you coming in here and accusing me of shit.” I snapped back.

“Show me the bowl.” Her eyes narrowed in on me.

“I don’t have to answer to you Elsie. I’m not a child.”

“Show me the bowl.” Her voice stern and filtered through grinded teeth.

“Fine. You wanna see the bowl? I’ll show you the fucking bowl.”

I rashly made a b-line to my bedroom. Luckily, I had been smoking, so this shouldn’t be a hard sell. I did however take the pill bottles scattered on my nightstand and shoved them back into my drawer.

I carried the once clear blue pipe out to her. It had been packed and half smoked. “See, weed.” And dropped the piece in her hands. “Are you fucking happy now?”

Misty green eyes studied me intently, still like I was a science experiment. I was too high to decipher if she was buying it or not. Knowing Elsie, she wasn’t convinced. But right now, she had no proof of anything else. The exact proof she was looking for was in her hands.

“If it was just weed then why did you lie to me about it?” Her tone softer now, delicate.

I anchored myself once again to the same spot on the couch. Taming my high for this interaction was taking every last bit of effort in me. The cloud-like sofa enveloped me in the softest hug. Xanax made everything feel light, fluffy, happy – until someone tries to rip you out of it. I was either a giddy fool or a raging asshole. And right now, I was really wishing she’d fucking leave so I could get back to the dancing plaster on my ceiling. It had become my top priority.

I wouldn’t be so fucking annoyed if I could just have her sit next to me and watch the show above us. That was the most fucked up part, I wanted her to join me. I wanted company as corrupt as me. I wanted someone who understood the concrete ceiling performance, someone just as fucked up. But she’d never do that, she was too good. And in my heart, I knew it wasn’t right, I’d never want anyone to deal with this fucked up burden of mine. Especially not her.

“I don’t know, you just get so fucking worried about everything.” Dropping my hands in defeat then bringing one to my temple.

“Yes, because you fucking worry me. Because you were just at my house-”

“Elsie. It’s just fucking pot calm the fuck down.”

“You know it doesn’t work like that for you.”

I rolled my eyes at her words. But she was right. Since my ‘break’ (at least that’s what everyone simmered it down to), in college, me and marijuana didn’t mix well anymore. At least not most strains, for it to be helpful I needed very specific types. Which kinda took the fun out of it since it was a lot of trial and error.

“It’s a good strain. It helps me.” Although I could act, lying in real life was difficult. You know how people say that if you can lie well, you’re a good actor? Not always true.

At least not with me, not with her.

Or maybe I just was a shitty actor after all.

“Mhm.” She hummed, then sat next to me, twisting to face me.

“How’ve you been since-“

“I’m fine, I don’t wanna talk about it.” Filling in the blanks for her before she could even prompt them.

“You can tell me if something is going on, you know that right?” She spoke in the sweetest tone, one that could rot your teeth right out of your skull. I couldn’t go to her, not this time. She went to reach for my hand, but I drew away.

“Els, there’s nothing fucking going on. I’m fine. Can we just drop it?”

I just wanna get back to my stupid fucking ceiling show.

Her pink lips pressed together staying quiet and focusing her fumbling thumbs. “Anyway um… I um,” She tucked a chestnut wave behind her ear, then twirled a freshly manicured finger around the lock. “Don’t be mad.”

I knitted eyebrows together looking over at her, my dazed mind trying to think of what she could possibly have to tell me that would make me mad. Madder than her accusing me of shit.

“Do you think um… Do you think you’d be open to spending Christmas with me and Nox?” Her expression held an air of telling your parents you did something bad, like she was bracing herself for impact. No doubt a result of whatever Nox puts her through.

Suddenly I was coming down from my high and I was coming down quick. “Why the fuck would I want to have Christmas with him?”

“Well… I want to spend Christmas with you, but also with him so…” She trailed off.

“So, you’re forcing us to interact for you?” Propping up an accusatory eyebrow.

“Well, uh,” She pressed her lips together again, “He wants to apologize.”

“Apologize?” I snorted, “Elsie he fucking held me against a fridge and then punched me.”

“Only after you punched him first.” She countered.

“Yeah, he fucking had you by the fucking throat. You’ve got to be shitting me right now.”

“Well, I just think… you could apologize too you know?”

I scoffed, “Oh that’s fuckin rich.”

“Aust please, I just want you guys to get along.” Pleading once more.

“I’m not fucking apologizing to him, he’s a fucking prick. He deserved it.”

She drew her fidgeting hands into her lap.

“Listen, I don’t know what kind of twisted manipulation bullshit he has you brainwashed with but I'm not doing it.” The words left my mouth before I got a chance to filter them. It was hard to control my moods or my words when I’m strung out, none the less when I was coming down.

The light in her sage eyes faltered when she heard my reply. Pausing before speaking again and dropped her focus back down to her hands. “He’s better now. I promise. He hasn’t been drinking as much. He only gets like that when he’s drunk.”

I knew that was a lie. She didn’t need to be a bad liar for me to know that. Any person with two fucking eyes would know that was a lie.

“Aus, please?”

She leaned heavy on the nicknames when she wanted something. Truthfully, I used to hate any shortened versions of my name. But she made them sound like the best titles you could ever be called. She had to know that they tugged at me because I’d give in to her every time.

As much as I didn’t wanna fucking have a group Christmas with the Grinch himself, if I did give in to her this time - It would distract her from the microscope she had me under and buy me some time while I got back on track. I could handle it myself and she never had to know. She wouldn’t bother me, and I wouldn’t burden her.

“Please Austie? It would mean a lot to me. If it doesn’t go well then… then you never have to come over when he’s there ever again. I promise.”

Plus, who the fuck am I going to spend Christmas with besides her?

I sighed, “Fine.”

“Yay!” She clapped excitedly, bouncing on the couch before tackling me in a hug, “Thank you!”

“No problem.” I grumbled under my breath.

She retracted carefully, “Hey what you got goin’ on today? I’m taking a break from work so, we could go do something?”

“Well I-“ My mind felt like it was buffering, no words seemed to come out no matter how hard I tried.

“It’s a warmer day today, we could take the ferry to Coney?” She suggested.

“Coney Island? In the middle of winter?”

“It didn’t snow today, well at least not a lot.”

“You’re insane.”

“C’mooon it’ll be so fun, we can lay on the beach. Just wear a heavier jacket or something.” She pressed further. 

“The beach! You’ve really lost it. Plus the tourists I-”

“It’s winter! You know Coney is dead out of season.” Practically singing the persuasion.

“Augh, fine.” I gave in, like I always fucking do.

Next Chapter: 21 - Blue M&Ms

As always thank you for any like, comment or reblog. It truly means the world to me - I love seeing others enjoying my lil story & I hearing your thoughts <3

p.s. this chp & the next are the calm before the storm :) lmao

[olddirtybadfic]

Holiday Half Arse: Nyarth Nativity (part two of two)

Twelve!me should not be trusted to plan a Christmas dinner or name mpreg kittens.

Part one is here.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; mpreg; absolute character assassination of Jessie (she’s super violent towards Meowth and pregnant James); very shaky understanding of psychological issues and mental institutions; James, Meowth, and their kitten eat the placenta

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

Before we knew it, it was the middle of December. James had gotten pregnant in October, so the ninth week was getting closer.

One day we were sitting in the living room, watching TV. Actually, I was sitting, bored at all the corny Christmas commercials and James was lying down, half-asleep. The couch wasn't the most comfortable place to fall asleep, but I couldn't blame James for not being fully awake. All those commercials were so cheesy and boring.

A commercial came on. I thought James would be falling asleep, but it was a telephone commercial. It was about a couple who couldn't be together for Christmas. They decided if they couldn't be together, they should at least call collect so they save money.

To my surprise, James burst into tears.

"That commercial was so sad. We're lucky we can be together for the holidays," he said.

"We can be together every day," I said. I hugged James. He hugged me too. He winced.

"Did my claws come out?" I asked.

"No. The kitten just kicked," James said.

James was a little round. The kitten would come any day. I wasn't sure if I could call James's Team Rocket uniform a maternity outfit.

I did learn that the kitten moved more whenever James ate anything sweet.

It seemed like the kitten could come out in the eighth week.

-O-o-O-

On Christmas Eve, James seemed to be really enthusiastic about having the kitten near Christmas.

He went into the bedroom to take a nap. A few minutes later, I heard James call me. He was breathing hard.

"I….I think it's time," he panted.

James pushed while I caught the kitten as it came out. One final push popped out the kitten.

The kitten was okay, of course. James was also okay. He still hurt a little, but he was okay.

"It's beautiful," James breathed.

"Just like you," I said. Then I bit off the kitten's umbilical cord.

The kitten opened its eyes. It had emerald green eyes like James.

James smiled at me. "It's a girl," he said.

"What's her name?" I asked. James was sure to come up with a meaningful name.

"Her name is Jessowth," James said. He started to breastfeed the kitten.

"Jessowth. Interesting name," I said.

The next day, on Christmas, James and I were happy to cuddle up in front of the TV with our daughter. We decided to have the placenta for our Christmas dinner that night.

"I guess we can't have sex tonight," James said.

"Oh, don't worry. The kitten and your love makes up for it," I said.

James began to cry.

"I'm sorry. That was just so sweet. You….You know I really love you, don't you?" James said.

"Yes. And I love you too," I said. "And anyway, you have to wait four or five weeks. You don't want to strain yourself."

James smiled. "You're the doctor."

(James's point of view)

Our little kitten seemed to grow so fast in just five weeks.

Jessie wasn't yet out of the mental institution. I was a little glad. A violent person shouldn't be around a newborn kitten.

After about ten weeks, I began getting sick again: eating a lot and vomiting. And I was craving foods I didn't normally eat.

After three hours of that, I just got out the Pokémon pregnancy test. A few minutes later, Meowth came into the bathroom.

"Are you okay, James? You look flushed," he said.

"Meowth, I'm pregnant again," I said.

"Another kitten?! Wow, you're producing a lot of kittens," Meowth said.

"It's just one," I said.

"Well, we're raising one kitten. We can raise another one," Meowth said.

Meowth was actually little more than a kitten himself. He was an adult (if he was human, he would be only slightly older than my eighteen years), but he hadn't evolved into a Persian (and he didn't plan to). One could say I was having kittens for a kitten.

Both Meowth and Jessowth are my kittens to watch over, care for, and protect.

Epilogue (Meowth's point of view)

Jessie eventually came home from the mental institution. She and James are friends again.

Jessowth is talking. She sounds like a female version of me.

Jessowth seems to be kind of wary of Jessie. Maybe she knew Jessie abused James when he was still pregnant with her.

James is delighted to be having another kitten. He's pretty far along.

We're all one big happy Team Rocket.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Maybe don't name your newborn kitten after your formerly abusive friend, no matter how much she's improved. Also: tired of that boring bird for Christmas dinner? Try placenta!

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (721): Fri 8th Mar 2024

I remembered being cast as one of the ugly sisters in the school pantomime of Cinderella when I was at school and I wondered if you could still have ugly sisters in Cinderella based productions today or if the PC brigade would intervene and insist that you rename them the "Not Conventionally Attractive Sisters". Quite worryingly the PE teacher in charge of the costumes during that production went to the head teacher and told he he was struggling to come up with ideas for out costumes that would make us look ugly. The headteacher asked him what he found repulsive in children and he replied "pubes" and sure enough the lightning fast intense background check the headteacher performed revealed that this PE teacher shouldn't have been allowed within one hundred feet of a school much less employed by one. I used my emergency holiday to finish early so that I could go to the town for my next laser removal session. I've been coming here every six weeks for almost a year now in order to get this hideous black star removed so I can replace it with a portrait of Jim Morrison and it's still barely faded. I think it will still be at least another year until it's completely gone, unless I fall off my motorbike with my shirt off and happen to land on my upper right arm and the friction peels the image off completely. It'll be even more convenient if the scar that it leaves when it heals looks exactly like Jim Morrison because then I won't need to get the tattoo. The laser still hurt like a bitch even with the machine that blows cool air onto the area while the artist is working but at least it only lasts a minute or so. While I was there I decided to book in another tattoo session as I’ve long wanted an image of my dog Lucy dressed up as The Green Lantern etched onto me. There was a slot available next Tuesday so I booked in a session and I can not wait. Even though I was keen for 2024 to be the year that I got absolutely smothered in tattoos I think this Lucy ink will probably be my last tattoo for a while since I have a holiday to Greece with the family to pay for so It'll probably be wise to knock these on the head to start saving up the spending money. Having said that the last I heard the Greeks are pretty much flat broke so maybe if I take all my tattoo designs with me then I might be able to get them all inked on me for pennies. There was a news story about an AI robot built in Saudi Arabia that "groped" a reporter on live TV. In the footage the robot puts it's hand out and pats the reporter on the arse. Looking at this news story made me think maybe that teacher at my primary school might have been a robot. If this had happened to me I would have done an interview with the press afterwards claiming that reporter has claimed that this experience has left her unable to work, dealing with post traumatic stress disorder and unable to enjoy Robocop anymore. I imagine the robot's lawyer has claimed that the cable to charge the robot is actually in the palm of it's hand and the robot thought that the reporter's arse crease was the plug socket. Imagine if all the robots suddenly got a lust for sex with humans and started hunting us down for an orgy of robotic rape. The only way out would be for all the humans to dress up like robots and then just wait it out until the actual robots ran out of charge. This would be problematic too as the real robots would see us in our robot costumes wandering around acting normal and would wonder "why are those robots not looking for humans to bugger?" so to combat this we'd have to accompany all our movements with chants of "must…rape…humans".

[scarlettriot]

Along for the Ride PT 1

Pairing: KirishimaxF!Reader

Summary: A drunken mistake had you marking the little Plus One box to your snobby cousin's wedding. Kirishima told you not to worry, if you couldn't find a date, he'd go with you. When the wedding gets moved up, there's absolutely no time to find a date and you're now about to be traveling to America with Kirishima on a private jet no less, dreading having him meet your rude and impossibly arrogant family.

Contains: Kirishima and Reader both come from very well-off families. Plus-Sized Reader. Fluff. Hurt/Comfort.

Warnings: Kinda smutty for a minute. Minors DNI. Drunken Sex. TW: Manipulative Family Relationships. TW: Body Image Issues

A/N: This story has been rolling around in my head for a while now. I might rewrite this and repost. Or I might just post the whole thing soon. I dunno yet. It does get smuttier.

Word Count: 4,974

"What's up with Y/N?"

Eijiro stepped out of the locker room with a towel slung over his shoulder and made his way into the kitchenette where Mina was chugging a bottle of water before getting back to her patrol. His eyes were trained on their mutual friend out on the patio, pacing.

You had your phone pressed to your ear, the high neck of your hero costume unzipped to your collarbone and he noticed your gloves discarded on a chair.

"No clue." Mina shrugged. "She got back from patrol and she noticed a bunch of missed calls from her mom. She's been out there, flailing on the phone for the last fifteen minutes now."

The three of you had met in your second year at UA when you transferred into their class and were quickly accepted by their little squad of friends. You were a bit quiet at first but quickly found comfort in the group. Eijiro had grown especially close to you when you both interned with Fat Gum.

Late nights traveling on the train back to school, a few close calls while helping patrol, and days spent playing cards while you both healed up in the hospital left plenty of time for Eijiro to get to know you better than most. It was how he knew you had a pretty bad relationship with your family, why you hated returning home for the holidays almost as much as you hated any and all forms of tomatoes.

He considered going out there just to see if there was anything he could do but before he had the chance, you were sliding the glass door open. "Oh, good, you're back." He offered you a bottle of water for your throat that he assumed was sore after that argument. "I- um- can I borrow you for a second? Alone?"

Mina snorted a laugh. "If you guys wanna bang it out on the counter you can just say so. I gotta go to work anyways."

Eijiro threw the towel at her as she left the room leaving you two alone. "What's goin' on?"

You hoisted yourself up on the countertop while he leaned against the fridge. "You remember my cousin's wedding that's happening this winter?"

He nodded. He vividly remembered the both of you getting waste a few weeks ago when you were filling out the RSVP and accidentally marking 'plus one'. Then you ran around trying to find White Out but he'd told you if you didn't find a date or have a significant other by the time of the wedding, he'd just go with you.

You argued that your family was bat shit crazy, had more money than they could spend in their lifetime and because of that, they were among some of the rudest people you knew, and you didn't want Eijiro or anyone else around that.

The thing was, Eijiro already knew that and was still okay with going. He came from money too. A lot of it. His family was just more welcoming than yours, the wealth never really going to their heads. But, he reminded you that he'd ran into enough people like those in your family that he knew how to handle them. You finally agreed to let him accompany you, leaving the plus one box checked but the name line blank.

"Well, my cousin just found out that surprise, she's pregnant! And, obviously, she can't have a wedding while seven months along so they've decided to move the wedding up to this weekend."

He nearly choked on his own spit. "This weekend? As in four days from now?"

"Yup! Saturday at 4 in the evening. Oh! No one's supposed to know she's pregnant either. So, I'm just supposed to compliment her on how flattering her dress looks, how thin she is," Your hands strangled the water bottle between them, "And I have to find something flattering to my figure because my mother has seen me in my hero outfit and she's so glad I wear a mask because if anyone knew her daughter ran around looking like I do, well, it'd ruin her!"

You massaged your temples circling back to the actual point, "Anyways, I just wanted to bitch for a sec and let you know you're off the hook since four days is just a little short notice and I told her my plus one wouldn't be able to get the time off that fast."

He pushed off the fridge. "Well, wait, hang on! I'm not letting you go in alone to deal with them! Hell no! You need backup!" You looked almost taken aback by his abruptness, "Yeah. I can work this out. Is the wedding at the same place it was supposed to be or has it moved?"

"No, it's still that fancy lodge in California. I was planning on leaving Friday morning and then coming back either Sunday night or Monday morning since my mother insists I go to their brunch the following day. But, Eijiro, I already have this weekend off..."

"Denki owes me a favor or twelve. He's supposed to be off this weekend too, I'll just see if he can cover me."

"And if he can't?"

"Then..." He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead, "Y/N, am I feeling warm to you? I think I might be starting a fever!"

You folded your arms, shaking your head, "Thought you said lying isn't manly."

"Technically, correct. But, what would be real unmanly is for me to let you deal with your family's bullshit all alone." You watched him closely, "To be honest, I'm sure we could just explain you had a family thing come up and asked me to come along for moral support. I don't really think anyone would think twice about it. Hell, you took a few days off to console me when my turtle died suddenly!"

"Eiji, you refused to eat."

"And you brought me my favorite dumplings! Same thing!"

You might have shaken your head at him but your arms opened wide. The telltale sign you wanted affection. He walked forward, consuming you in a tight hug. Your arms latched around his neck, face buried in the hollow of his throat. "You're the best."

"I just do what I can."

>>><<<

You should have canceled. Instead of Eijiro faking sick to get out of work, you should have faked it with your mother so you didn't have to go in the first place. You crumpled to the floor of your bedroom in pure frustration amidst the twenty or so outfits and dozen pairs of shoes you'd thrown out of your closet trying to find something that your mother would deem appropriate.

It wasn't your fault you had a fuller figure. You worked out, ate right, not to mention your job kept you very active, and yet your, hips, ass, and breasts were by no means subtle.

Your mother had also insisted on the dress being floor-length and modern, "Do try not wearing all black. It's a wedding, not a funeral. And, get your hair looking natural, please." And, just like that, 70% of your wardrobe was out the window!

"It's open!" You called from the floor when the doorbell rang.

"You really should lock this." Mina tutted, walking through the door with a bag full of takeout.

"I do. At night."

"Honey, it's 9 PM."

"Night like bedtime."

Mina just rolled her eyes and walked into your tiny kitchen. "I see the dress hunt is going well."

"I actually figured it out!" You got off the floor, careful not to step on a heel as you made your way to the pink haired woman, "I'm just gonna go in my birthday suit. I figured, my mother made my body technically therefore she can't disapprove of it. Because, you know, she's never done anything wrong in her life!"

Your best friend snorted out a laugh and passed you the take-out container stuffed full of stir fry. "you're a wonderful person, you know that?" You loved the fact Mina didn't even have to ask what you wanted.

"If you'd just move closer to work then you could pick it up yourself and I wouldn't have to bring it to you."

"Too expensive." You declared after a mouthful. "You pay almost twice as much as I do per month and I just don't see the point. I have damn near the same amount of space you do for half the cost!"

You adored your small one-bedroom apartment. It was perfect. Right above a bakery that you visited each morning after your run and a little balcony that provided you with the most stunning view of the sunset.

"You and Kiri, I swear." Mina just shook her head and curled up with her food on the loveseat. "I thought he'd end up with the biggest house out of us all the moment we started making that real Pro money. You've seen his parent's house. It's massive! You could get lost in that place!"

Eijiro's place was barely bigger than your own. He lived in the same condo he had since you'd graduated UA, claiming it was perfect for him in each and every way. But, you knew that he donated a sizable amount of his paycheck every month to charities, the same as you. With savings to spare, neither of you saw the point in hoarding it and therefore the small condo was all he could afford with what he actually kept.

"Just don't understand how a guy that big can live in such a tiny little space. At least with you, it's you know, physically feasible."

Eijiro's bedroom was barely large enough to fit the king-sized bed the man needed to sleep comfortably and even then, his feet were dangerously close to dangling off the bed. And, as if the man's ears were burning, your cell phone went off under a pile of discarded shoes.

Shark-E: Figured out your dress situation? If not, I'm just gonna pack like ten different ties and hope for the best.

You: Yeah! I totally did! I'm just gonna wear this birthday suit I got and call it a night.

You chuckled at your own joke all over again. Watching the grey ellipses appear and then vanish, appear and vanish again. After a third time, you took pity on the man.

You: Joking, Ei. I still don't have it figured out but Mina's over so, hopefully, she can help.

Shark-E: Gonna give me a damn heart attack! Seriously, I wouldn't put it past you just to see the look on your mom's face. Tell Mina hi and good luck to you. I vote the dress from the Hero Gala two years ago.

You: Hi from Mina. Can't. Too much boobs.

Shark-E: You take that back right now! There is NEVER such a thing as too much boobs!

You chuckled to yourself, putting your phone down, and then finished off the last of your delicious dinner, thinking about the dress Eijiro mentioned.

You wondered if maybe there was a way you could make the thing work but it was so very low cut. So much tape had been used to make sure no slips happened but damn was it worth it! The beaded bodice with the sparkling long sleeves, gods, how you loved that dress.

"I'm inclined to agree with our shark boy. You're busty, who gives a damn. You looked hot as hell in that dress."

"My mother, that's who. As much as I'd like to not give a flying fuck what she thinks, for some dumb reason, I do. On top of her telling me that the amount of cleavage I would show would be vastly inappropriate for a wedding, she'd also say the way it hugs my hips makes them look too fat."

Mina rolled her eyes. "She's such a piece of work." Pushing herself up, she held her arms out to you, wiggling little pink fingers for you to take. "Come on then. Let's get you sorted."

"What about that one you wore to the charity art thingy with Kyoka last winter? The one with the silver top."

"Silver is too close to white." You called out from within your closet.

"What! Not true!"

"You know that. I know that. Every person with two brain cells knows that, which is why most of my family does not know that."

"Fine..." She whined and started sifting through the opposite end of your closet. "Oh, what about this?" Mina waved about the blue and green plaid skirt that made up your uniform from your middle school days when you lived in America. "Please try this on. I'm begging!"

You were pretty sure it wouldn't even go over your thighs anymore.

"It's got a better chance of fitting you!"

Mina threw it at you anyway. Slipping off the sweats you wore, somehow, someway, you were able to tug it on AND get it zipped, barely. It no longer covered your ass but you still enjoyed the way it swished around when you wiggled your hips.

"You could be fulfilling so many people's fantasies right now." Mina mused.

You pulled the skirt off and sweats back on, throwing the former back at her. "Yeah, you can take it and go fulfill Hanta's fantasies if you like. Not like I've got anyone to impress." You pulled down a dress you bought on sale a year ago but Mina was quick to dismiss it.

Too puffy, she said and then held up one that was from Momo. "I needed to get it shortened and I don't have time for that now."

"Wait..." She hummed and dropped the Momo dress. "I know what it should be!"

Mina hurried through the closet, grumbling about not finding it. "Just tell me which dress and I can tell you where it's at."

"It's that one you got for grad night and then you got sick and couldn't go!"

"Mina, Mina I can't wear that! That's actual vintage, not like, made-to-look-vintage!"

"But it's so elegant and has that off-the-shoulder sleeve thing. The wedding is at a damn sky lodge! It'll look so pretty in the snow! Ah! Found it!"

She yanked up the long, elegant gown from the garment bag you'd never removed it from. There wasn't a single wrinkle in the burgundy fabric. It looked just as beautiful as the day you found it in that second-hand store, on a mannequin with gaudy stage jewels that you just had to buy so the look was complete.

You ran the back of your hand over the velvety fabric, soft to the touch. "It'll be too tight now. If I was the same size I was at graduation-"

"Bullshit!" Mina cut you off with a dismissive hand, "You've got hips now. We aren't 18 anymore! It's not like it's some clubbing dress. And I bet no one would say a damn thing about your figure if they knew how easily you could crush them with those thighs!"

A smirk tugged at the corner of your lips. Without quirks, you gave every single one of your classmates a run for their money in hand to hand. Most were fairly easy to beat. You could usually take down Eijiro in about five or six minutes and Katsuki in half the time. Funny enough, it was Ochaco that gave you the hardest time.

"I'll consider it. But help me find something else just in case."

>>><<<

It was another two hours before you finally agreed on an a-line, empire waist green and gold number that had been the bridesmaid's dresses for Tetsutetsu's wedding. Mina thought they were a crime the first time they had to wear them, she had no idea what you were thinking.

That's why the moment you were preoccupied with trying to find yet another dress for the Sunday brunch, Mina pulled out her phone.

You: DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow Y/N to wear the green dress. She's bringing two because she can't decide. Red is the winner!

Jaws: Aw, come on. If she likes it, let her wear whatever she's comfortable in. She'll be under enough stress already.

You: Kirishima, it's the dress from Tetsu's wedding. The one that looks sparkly baby food.

It took him a second to respond.

Jaws: Alright. Understood. I thought you guys looked good but damn, she hated that dress.

You: We all did.

Mina looked at the message chain again and couldn't help but asked, "Are we just gonna ignore the fact that you and Eiji are flying all the way to America, last minute, to attend a wedding together, even though you're not together?"

"We've flown to the states before."

"For work!" She sat up eagerly. "This is different, Y/N! This is a date and not just a, like, casual date but a wedding date!"

You poked your head out of the closet. "No, it isn't. This is a friend helping another friend who stupidly mismarked an RSVP." You corrected very plainly but Mina wasn't one to give up so easily.

She whined, dragging out your name, "You guys have been doing this thing for ages. Why do you have to be so stubborn about it all!"

"What's that supposed to mean!"

Mina started ticking off points on her fingers. "He was the first person you opened up to at UA. You saved his life when he was busy saving Katsuki's life second year. You spent all that time interning together, became sidekicks together. Went to America together for three whole months, ALONE, and you honestly expect me to think there's nothing between the two of you!"

The truth of it all was simple really; 17 year old you had a massive crush on Eijiro Kirishima. He was sweet, always listening to you, providing comfort when you needed it, and always encouraging you to push your limits. He was bright and honest, a little slow in the head from time to time but that made him all the more endearing.

He was also head over heels in love with Katsuki Bakugo.

It was why you never made a move. Never spoke a word of the feelings you harbored. You didn't dare to cross that line with him because you couldn't ever hold a candle to the explosive man.

In the three years Eijiro and Katsuki spent together, your brain finally started registering Eijiro as just a friend, nothing more, and certainly nothing less. You thought your heart had followed suit but it was becoming more and more apparent that wasn't the case. Because the night he showed up at your door, tears in his ruby eyes, every lock you put on your heart broke open.

The same way you couldn't hold a candle to Katsuki, Eijiro couldn't hold one to Izuku. You knew exactly what he was feeling even if you never intended to tell him. Too overcome with fear. If Katsuki came back... that'd be it. Eijiro would go back and you wouldn't even blame him!

Still, the redhead consumed a decent chunk of your heart though, you couldn't deny that after the three months you spent together in America, gathering intel on a smuggling ring, living in the same apartment. The groggy, 'good mornings' when his voice was still scratchy with sleep, hair falling in his eyes. The late nights bandaging wounds and killing cheap bottles of wine while watching terrible American reality shows.

It was those bottles of wine that did you in on your second to last night in America. Supplying you with courage and draining your sense of reason, allowing you to crawl onto his lap, into his arms. You could still remember the pressure of his lips on yours, those sharp teeth gently dragging along your lower lip.

Scared hands tracing the curve of your ass before taking handfuls to squeeze. The laugh that came from you was unlike anything you heard before, something so genuine that you couldn't reproduce.

How it felt when he lifted you up and took you to his bed, laying you down taking his time removing your clothes, and watching with awe as you pulled away his own. The way he looked over top of you, his hair a curtain of red around you just before you closed your eyes, gasping while he filled you.

You also remembered the guilt that crept into your head during the wee hours of the morning, the doubt that was louder than the snores coming from behind you.

It made you slip from under his massive arm, gather up your clothes from his floor, you tucked the blanket around him, and pressed a kiss to his temple before padding out of the room.

You told yourself you'd talk to him about it if he brought it up, but he never did. Not the next morning, or night, not on the plane ride back home, nor anytime since. It was a memory you'd hold close to your heart, one you wouldn't let slip away or share.

"There's nothing there, Mina. We're just good friends is all." You lied with a smile on your face, something that had become surprisingly easy to do.

If only you knew that Mina saw right through it. That Mina already knew the truth of it all.

>>><<<

It was nearly one in the morning when your phone rang. The goofy picture of Eijiro with face half painted at a festival a few years back never failed to make you grin.

"It's a little late." You answered by way of greeting.

"Don't pretend like you were anywhere close to sleeping, you little night owl."

Chuckling at the nickname that had followed you since high school, "What's up, Eiji?"

"I was going over flights. You said in the office that you wanted to leave on Friday?"

"Yeah. I have patrol tomorrow and I didn't find any flights after 6 PM so, Friday is the earliest."

He was quiet on the other line for a moment. "Yeah, you don't have patrol tomorrow, or work at all for that matter."

You sat up a bit straighter in bed. "Um, yes I do."

"No, you don't. I called Mina, asked her if you'd mind taking that shift for you and, since she knows what's happening, she agreed the extra day for travel would do you some good. So, she's covering you tomorrow then you're off work until next Wednesday. As for me, thanks to all that overtime I put in when Denki, Kyoka, and Hitoshi got married, the three of them are splitting up my days so I have until Wednesday too."

Eijiro sounded impossibly proud on the other line, you could almost see the smirk on his face. "You've got this all planned out, don't you?"

"And a bag nearly packed. Just need you to tell me what ties to bring."

"Gold, burgundy, and black."

"Thought your mom said no black for you?"

"She said no black for the wedding. She said nothing about black at the brunch!"

You couldn't wait to put on the tea-length dress that had been a favorite for years. Satin with a lacy top and, best of all, pockets.

He let out a rumbling laugh that fell off into comfortable silence as you laid back in your bed, lights still on, the room still a mess. You tapped the speaker icon and laid the phone on the pillow right beside your head, listing to the various sounds of Eijiro moving around.

A door creaking open, a hanger clattering against another, and a zipper. "And just like that, I'm all set."

"Don't forget your passport or hero license."

"I have one in my wallet and the other in my backpack."

You swiped up on your iPad, off Netflix, and going to google, lazily searching through flights. "So, did you find any good flights since you've clearly been looking?"

Another chuckle, "Eijiro, why are you laughing?" More stifled giggles had you sitting up in bed again. "Just tell me a site you were on. They're just flights, what's so funny?"

"There isn't a site."

"You said you were checking flights."

"And I was... on my family's jet."

"Eiji! No! No, no, no! That is supposed to be for their business or hero things! My stupid cousin's wedding is neither of those things!"

"Relax, Y/N. My family has multiple and they don't have any business trips planned right now anyways. I already cleared it with my mom. Seriously, I just mention your name and she's likely to let me have it for a whole year at least. Plus Todoroki's is back up in working order so the agency is covered too."

Damn, why'd he have to be so good at planning from time to time! You'd completely forgotten about the second jet his family had. Always opting for the larger one since the few missions they needed it for required them to bring fifty or so heroes along.

"Besides, if we fly private, we can land at an airstrip closer to the venue and won't need to drive four hours on top of a ten-hour flight."

"Alright, okay, thank you but, let me take care of the rental car, please. It's the least you can let me do."

"Deal. I just have one more question for ya."

"What's that?"

"Wanna leave tonight?"

You nearly dropped your damn iPad in shock. "Eijiro! What the fuck has gotten into you! It's the middle of the night!"

"I'm excited!" He boomed, "I haven't had a vacation in months!"

"I hate to break this to you, buddy, but this isn't going to be a vacation. You really shouldn't get your hopes up. This isn't going to be a good time with laughs and fun memories... my family, they just, they aren't those kinds of people."

"But we are." He stated matter-of-factly. "If they want to have sticks up their asses then let them! We'll have a good time on our own, laugh and make fun memories! So, what do you say, Y/N? I can be at your place in fifteen. I just gotta put shoes on and grab my keys..."

"Wait, hang on. Are you forgetting that we need someone to, oh, I dunno, FLY THE PLANE! Actually, we need two someone's, can't forget about a co-pilot!"

He hummed happily and you rubbed your temples. "You, you have a pilot and a co, don't you, Eiji?"

"Mhm! There is a company we use. Two can be at the hanger in an hour and every hour after that. I just have to make the call and get the flight plan approved which will be done before I even get to your house."

There was literally no reason to say no. You had mostly everything packed, nothing you needed to get from the store, all you had to do was put on pants and pack up your hygiene bag and you were ready too. Maybe getting there quicker and getting the whole thing over with would be better than staying home dwelling on everything.

"Better put your shoes on."

The glee in his voice, that was enough to make this whole thing worth it, "I'll see you soon."

>>><<<

Eijiro reached into the backseat and plopped a bag down on your lap the very moment you were buckled in. "Had to make a pit stop." He explained.

"It's after two in the morning, where'd you have to..."

"Just open the bag and don't complain."

You found it filled to the brim with all your favorite snacks.

"I'm sure the plane will have a bunch of snacks we can raid but I know for a fact they don't have these." He held up a pack of cookies and creme flavored pocky that had been his favorite for as long as you'd known him, quickly followed by your favorite flavor too. You also found a massive bag of gummy worms and jolly ranchers.

"So, what you're telling me is our teeth are going to rot by the time we land? Not that I'm complaining."

You ripped open the bag of ranchers knowing that was what he'd go for first and sure enough his hand dove inside just as he pulled away from the curb. You could hear his dangerously sharp teeth biting through the rock candy like it was nothing while you still rolled one around your mouth.

Eijiro asked you about the resort you'd be going to, wondering if you'd been there before or what other stuff you guys could do when you weren't dealing with your family. "I figured we could fly back Monday night or Tuesday morning, you know, just play it by ear in case there was anything else we wanted to do."

More than anything, you wished you could just leech a little bit of that excitement from him. The glimpses of his smile you caught as you drove under the street lights made your heart ache.

"What?" He asked with that wide smile of his. You'd been caught staring, red-handed.

"I, uh, I just don't know what to tell you."

You could see the subtle change of his grin, watch as it softened and his hand came to rest on your thigh. "Hey, it's gonna be fine! And if we run into them while out doing stuff, you can just avoid them or hide behind me!" At least hiding behind Eijiro is an easy thing to do, damn mountain of a man.

His thumb slowly brushed back and forth. "'S gonna be okay. I'll beat 'em up if they're assholes!"

You snickered at his Katsuki impression and let the drone of the radio fill the air around you both. Enjoying the silence the rest of the way to the hanger with Eijiro's hand atop your leg.

[oro-e-diamanti]

The one with Ethan’s suggestion

Description | Ethan suggests something that you had never seen coming - but for how long will you be able to resist him?

Content | smut with a bit of fluff

Pairing | Ethan x fem!Reader

Word Count | 3138

Tagging | @ginny-lily @mywritingonlyfans

***

"You did not just ask me that."

Ethan didn't even seem bothered by your shocked reaction. Instead, he simply kept looking at you, waiting, as if he had posed a completely normal question. You were certain it wasn’t though - who the hell just came out and asked one of their best friends to start hooking up? Surely this wasn’t just you thinking this was more than odd. You couldn’t stop looking at him, relaxing on a lounger in the sun, book still open in his hand, and how he didn’t seem to care.

“Oh, come one, Y/n,” Vic interjected from where she was relaxing on a pool float. “Poor Ethan hasn’t been with anyone since the pandemic started. The least you can do is help him get laid.”

“Get laid by me?!”

“Who else?” Victoria laughed. “It’s not like he can go out and pick up someone when we go on a promo tour in a week. We’re barely allowed to meet anyone as a safety measure.”

You shot her a pointed look and Victoria being your friend for the longest got it immediately.

“And no, I’m not gonna hook up with him. So it’s gotta be you.”

You couldn’t believe the conversation you were having. Had everyone simply gone crazy? Surely, Thomas wouldn’t be on their side in this, right? You watched as he lazily strolled towards your loungers, cigarette in hand.

“Thomas!” You shouted over at him. “Ethan wants me to hook up with him!”

“Fucking finally,” Thomas laughed as you stared back in horror. Was everyone in on this madness? “He’s been moping around for ages. About time he gets laid and relaxes.”

“See?” Ethan interjected. “Everyone thinks it’s a good idea.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea!”

“Fine,” Ethan shrugged. You hated how much he didn’t seem to care - how he had posed a question like that without an ounce of awkwardness and how your rejection didn’t seem to faze him in the least. You knew he was open about sex and sexuality, you’d been part of countless conversations among the band and had seen him pick up people at parties more than once, but this unnerved you. "If you change your mind, I'm available."

And with that Ethan went back to his book, Victoria went back to floating around the pool and Thomas went back to smoking his cigarette. But you weren't going to go back to anything, because whether you liked it or not, Ethan's suggestion would continue playing in your head for the unforeseeable future.

***

Three days. It had been three days since that fateful day at the pool and you could barely stand to look at Ethan. It wasn't because you were embarrassed - you all spoke about such things quite openly - nor were you angry at him having asked in the first place - if anything, it was flattering, a man such as Ethan considering you attractive in that way. It was more of a constant thought in your head whenever you were in the same room with him or he talked to you or you looked at him or he so much as popped into your mind. You kept lying awake at night, intrusive thoughts of Ethan towering over you clouding your brain. You didn't know what it was but you knew you didn't like it.

You were pulled out of your thoughts as Victoria approached you, taking a couple of tomatoes you had spread in front of you and started cutting them up. You had been in charge of making dinner most days, with one or the other coming to join you in your cooking endeavors sooner or later. Today it seemed to be Vic, who was giggling away beside you, quite obviously dying to tell you something.

"And what is up with you?" You asked, a smirk on your face. You were happy your friend seemed so giddy and it had you itching to know why.

"I have a date!" Victoria was never one to keep things like these to herself for long - whenever she was positively excited about something, the world simply had to know. "Her name's Paula, she's on holiday here and we're going to go out for wine."

"Just wine?"

"Well, I'm gonna say, don't expect me back here tonight." She couldn't stop herself from smirking and then breaking out in another round of laughter and you joined freely. Good for her.

"I miss dates," you mused. "Or maybe - I don't know. Maybe I just miss at least staying the night with someone."

"You really need to get laid, babe."

"Who needs to get laid?" Damiano had appeared without warning, sneaking up on the two of you and pinching both of your waists teasingly before hopping on the counter next to where you were working. A slice of tomato was stolen and ended up in his mouth before you could react, only hitting him in the arm when it was much too late.

"Y/n," Victoria answered nonchalantly. You stared at her in annoyance but she didn't even catch your eye.

"So does Ethan! You guys should fuck."

"Not you too," you groaned. All of this seemed like a bad joke. In fact, you were starting to wonder if this was all some weird plot your friends had to get you to sleep with Ethan. But why would they?

"Huh?" Damiano sounded surprised but you didn't put it past him to simply put on a good act.

"Ethan asked her to hook up the other day."

"No way!" Damiano exclaimed. "He actually, fina- I mean, he actually asked you that?"

"Yup, and she shot him down," Victoria explained. You were getting more annoyed by the second. Especially because it felt like your love life (or lack thereof?) was being discussed without you. Plus, you couldn't shake the feeling they knew something you didn't.

"Aw, poor Ethan. You know, you should really give him the chance. Make the most of the fact that you've both got the house to yourselves tonight." Damiano's eyebrow wiggle earned him a tomato slice to the face due to pure irritation on your side. He wasn't bothered, quickly shoving it into his mouth and happily munching away on it.

"Wait, what do you mean? Where are you going?"

You sounded much more panicked than necessary. So what if you were alone in the house with Ethan? You'd survive. Easily. You'd read a bit of your book, maybe watch a movie, go to bed. You didn't even have to spend time with him. Right?

"Going out with my girlfriend, she's in town for work. Not sure where Thomas is off to but he's already left" Damiano shrugged, finally hopping off the counter to hopefully stop being in the way. "So, if there's anything you want to do, do it tonight."

***

So this was it. You were alone with Ethan. No, this was nothing. So what if you were alone with him? Not like it was going to change anything at all.

You had said your goodbyes for the night to the two lovebirds, wishing Victoria the most possible fun on her little date, before pouring yourself a glass of wine and retreating to the patio. You had no idea where Ethan was and you didn't mind.

The sun was setting, the temperature was more than bearable and you had your book lying next to you. Eyes closed trying to enjoy the last rays of sunshine, your hand grasped the stem of the wine glass, and fuck that moth scared the living daylights out of you. And caused you to spill your wine all over your blouse. Red wine. Crap. One was supposed to wash those out immediately, right? Right? You realised you had no idea, as you sprinted towards the upstairs bathroom, already unbuttoning for fast removal.

You threw the door open, feet set to move towards the basin, when you realised you weren't alone in the room. It happened in slow motion, as much as you hated the cliché of it all.

Ethan's back was towards you, strong, hard muscles visible under an array of water droplets that were slowly, slowly making their way downwards, hypnotising you and keeping your gaze locked on them. Your eyes were still travelling lower and lower when he noticed your presence, turning around out of reflex, and you could not help but notice he was not wrapped in a towel, nowhere close, when your eyes fell on-

Oh.

Oh.

In a rare moment of clarity, you tore your gaze away, looking up at his face instead, just to find him eyeing up your cleavage. Your blouse was halfway undone, putting your white lace bra on full display. Then his eyes snapped away and looked into yours instead. For a second, it felt like the world was standing still. Your brain only worked for another moment before it decided to let your body - or potentially your heart? - take over.

You told yourself 'fuck it' - or maybe you said it out loud, judging by the sudden smirk appearing on Ethan's face - and reached for the man in front of you. He reciprocated without hesitation, pulling you in and meeting your mouth with his, as he walked you backward until you hit the wall. His body felt hot against yours, providing a stark contrast to the cold tiles pressing into you. His hands cradled your face softly, fingers stroking along your cheeks, while he kissed you, open-mouthed, in a way that left you breathless.

If you had ever had doubts that sex with Ethan would not be worth it, they had evaporated into thin air altogether.

His hands had started roaming your body, finally landing on the last buttons of your blouse. You had expected him to slowly open them up, but instead, he tore the fabric apart in one swift movement, buttons flying and hitting the ground with little clacking noises. You wrecked your mouth from him for a moment, staring at him in both surprise and awe.

"Spiacente," he murmured, although he didn't look all that sorry. "I couldn't help myself. I can get them sewn back-"

"Ethan, stop talking and start fucking me."

Your bold words took both of you by surprise but none of you minded, simply relieved that you were on the same page. His hands were now grasping tightly onto your thighs and, and without giving you a warning, he lifted you up, still pressed against the wall. Your legs wrapped around him instinctively and he took a step back, finding his strength and balance, and slowly carrying you into his bedroom.

You couldn't stop staring at him. Ethan's beauty was a sight to behold on any given day, but the way his lips looked kissed after just a short while and his eyes had that kind of shine to them that had never previously been directed at you, it felt like you were looking at something ethereal. Never mind the fact that you knew he was completely naked, not just the toned chest that was pressing into your torse, but everything else. Hell, you were sure you felt a certain something press into the back of your thigh quite shamelessly.

He dropped you on his bed, leaving you to bounce slightly on the mattress as you lied on your back. He looked like he was about to devour you and you just knew you'd bend to his every wish.

Without any further hesitation, Ethan moved onto the bed, immediately grabbing onto the shorts you were wearing and slowly pulling them down your legs. He held eye contact with you the whole time and you were convinced you had never seen anything sexier in your life. Your panties were the next piece to leave your body. Normally, this would be the point you got nervous about, crossing your legs, hiding behind hands, anything to protect what little of your modesty you had left, but this was different. Ethan took all shame away from you.

"Is this okay?" He asked, as he slowly crawled upwards, spreading your legs and leaving hot, wet kisses along your calves. As much as you appreciated him asking for consent, you almost had to laugh - at this point in time, you had lost all willpower to deny him anything. So, with a blissful smile on your face, you eagerly nodded at him, your hand reaching down and tangling itself into his hair. He groaned as you gave a little tug and the sound was more than enough to get you even wetter than you already were.

At least that was what you thought up until Ethan put his mouth on you. You had been expecting a bit more foreplay, maybe his fingers, but instead you felt his tongue lick along the length of you. Your moan loudly echoed through the room and you had never been so glad that Vic, Thomas and Damiano had deserted the two of you in the house.

Your grasp on his hair tightened as he started flicking your clit with the tip of his tongue. The fact that you could feel his hair tickling the inside of your thighs only seemed to make you more sensitive. Suddenly, one of his fingers entered you, quickly to be joined by a second. Your back arched off the bed in an involuntary reaction as your breathing became more and more laboured. You could hear- hell, you could feel him chuckle against you.

With a sharp tug, you pulled his head away from you.

"I'm not going to be able to take much more, Ethan," you confessed. He looked up at you with wide eyes, chin wet from going down on you and fingers still slowly moving in and out, and you momentarily forgot what you meant to say. "So if you wanna fuck me, I suggest you get a move on."

He didn't need to be told twice. You still sighed in disappointment when he actually removed his fingers from you but you were quickly distracted by him moving them to your mouth and slipping them in. You eagerly sucked on them, twirling your tongue around them, tasting your own arousal, and his composure was slipping with every second he looked at you. He quickly pulled his fingers from your mouth to crawl further up your body, his cock moving against your leg. He was so well endowed it would have almost been frightening if you hadn't been so turned on.

Ethan kissed you with a force that was unparalleled. There wasn't even a question about who was in control. As his fingers trailed from your neck down past your collarbones you both suddenly seemed to remember you were still wearing a bra. You made short work of the piece of fabric, carelessly throwing it across the room, and he thanked you by squeezing your soft flesh in the most delicious way. You repaid the favour by letting your hand wander to his cock and giving him a few strokes. He immediately let out the most sinful moan you had ever heard, head collapsing onto your cleavage.

"I don't think you need any more help from me down there," you giggled.

"With you lying under me like this, I sure don't."

Moving your legs around his waist once more, you slowly guided him into you, your walls swallowing him bit by bit, careful not to stretch you out too fast with his size. It felt like heaven on earth. You both moaned in pleasure as Ethan slowly started moving, making sure you were comfortable as he looked into your eyes, while you broke the eye contact time and time again, too overwhelmed to leave your eyes open every time he thrust into you. You kept grabbing onto what you could, the back of his head, his shoulders, his butt, as he increased his speed, hitting you in all the right places every single time.

You knew you weren't going to last long, not with him on and in and all around you, not with his fingers playing with your nipple, not with his lips clumsily attaching themselves to various places around your neck and shoulders, and as you felt his hand between your legs, softly circling your clit once again, you were gone. You came in waves of euphoria, unashamed of the volume of your moans and the strength with which you pulled on his hair. Your actions, combined with you clenching around him and a few more thrust, had him follow you moments later.

He carefully slipped out of you, never once letting go of you, and turning you onto your side with him so you were facing each other. Both of you were still breathing heavily, vision cloudy, but intertwined. You were convinced he had ruined you - there was no way anyone was ever going to live up to how he made you feel.

"So, did it live up to your expectation?" You couldn't help but giggle as you posed the question. "Getting laid again after such a long time?"

Ethan pushed a damp strand of hair from your face. You hadn't expected such softness.

"It wasn't actually about getting laid, you know."

"Huh?"

"It was about you."

"Okay, you've lost me now," you said, brows knitting as your hand searched for his, finger entangling the same way your legs were doing. "What are you talking about?"

"I... I've liked you for a while. And I tried so much, but you never even noticed."

Your mind replayed the last few weeks you had spent with the band in their summer house. Instances of Ethan bringing you food, cocktails, adjusting the shade to make sure you were in it, offering to put sunscreen on your back. Moments of him searching for your company, moving much closer than necessary in the heat, arms constantly touching when you were sitting next to each other. Jokes and teasing from the others, drunken remarks. You hadn't paid attention to any of it. You wondered how you could have been so blind to a man so wonderful.

"Wait, so instead of asking me out like a normal person, you suggested we hook up?" You couldn't keep the laughter in now. The situation was simply too ridiculous and you had not yet stopped riding on your high from the endorphins he had caused.

"It was Vic's idea." He buried his head into the sheets, but you could still see his cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. "She knew I missed sex and she said you mentioned something similar so she thought this was the way into your..."

"Pants?"

"Heart, actually."

You snuggled closer, arms wrapping around him so that your noses were touching.

"Well, as embarrassing as it is, it somehow worked, didn't it?" You stroked over his head lovingly. "And I'm sure not letting you go any time soon."

[talkfantasytome]

A holiday Nessian prompt for you if you please: 'I work at the local library and I’m trying to put up all the decorations myself, but I fell off the ladder trying to hang up the garland and you caught me.' 🎄⛄💕💕

So sweet. 🥺🥺

I wasn't planning on doing this one today, but I started it while waiting at the vet and in between when he'd be in and out. Trying to be one of the cool kids that can bust out dribbles super fast...I am not one of those cool kids. 👀 But, when I got home I just had to finish it. XD At least now it gets a graphic, too.

Nesta's in the midst of decorating the library when one of the library's newest members comes in.

Warnings: None | Word Count: 1,007 | Nessian Masterlist

"He's here again."

"Who?" Nesta asked, not even bothering to look at Gwyn.

Gwyn huffed out a sigh. "That guy! You know, superhero tall and strong, gorgeous, totally in love with you."

She felt herself pause, a pit expanding in her gut as butterflies flapped around it. Cassian.

She was all too aware of Cassian. He came to the library a few weeks before to get out some specific book. Nesta checked him out that night, which took longer than normal because he had to sign up for the membership first so they could keep the record. At the end of the conversation she'd suggested he try and find a reason to use it. He told her he already had.

Sure enough, he was back every few days after that.

"He's not in love with me," Nesta argued, rolling her eyes and raising her chin to hide the nerves. "Hand me that garland?"

Nesta held out her hand, clasping it around the fine, prickly, fake pine needles once she felt them.

"You're so in denial. Half the time he doesn't even check out a book. He just pretends to browse and then chats you up for fifteen minutes."

She tried not to smile at the comment. Not that it was new information. Nesta hadn't missed that little fact, she just didn't want Gwyn to know she might like it.

"Maybe he doesn't know how to read." She draped some of the garland over the nail that was already set into the shelf. Years of librarians hanging garlands meant Nesta luckily didn't have to bother with any actual tools.

"You're hopeless. I swear, one da- shit, he's coming!"

Nesta looked down to see Gwyn bolting away. She shook her head and went back to her task, finding the next nail to drape more garland on.

"Getting the books into the holiday spirit?" a low voice mused.

Nesta didn't have to turn to know who was standing there. Not as her heart skipped a beat at the gruff timbre. She took in a deep breath, trying to calm the buzzing she felt beneath her skin.

After a moment, she faced him, putting on a soft, indifferent smile. "Don't they deserve to celebrate as much as we do?"

"I'm sure you'd say they deserve it more," he chuckled, the sound cascading across Nesta's body like a gentle wave.

"I wouldn't be wrong."

She finally let herself look, her eyes meeting his hazel stare instantly, like murky brown waters that draw you in with their mystery, only to trap you in them.

He smiled up at her, his face lightening with it. "Can I help you with the decorating?"

Nesta pursed her lips for a moment. "I could use a push to the left to get the last of this garland strung." His smile widened and he did as requested, pushing the rolling ladder over a bit until she was at an uncovered section of the book shelf.

"So, do you have any plans tonight?" he asked as Nesta worked to hang the string of pine and lights over the one of the last nails.

Her mind on the decorations, she mindlessly replied, "I don't think so."

"Great!" he exclaimed, as loudly as he could while still whispering. She was just reaching with her left hand to get to the last nail, pushing herself onto her toes when he added, "Would you like to have dinner with me?"

Her entire body froze and twitched in shock all at once, her balance lost on the slick ladder. Before she knew what was happening she was falling backwards, too far gone to grab on to the ladder and hold herself steady. Yet her feet were still touching the rung when she halted, a heat radiating off of whatever she was suddenly curled against.

Nesta looked up into those same eyes, gold flecks sparkling in the fairy lights from the garland. He held her gently, but with enough strength that Nesta knew she was safe in his arms.

"Are you always such an overachiever?" he teased, laughing at the joke in his head. "I wasn't going to ask you to fall for me until at least our second date."

Her breathing heavy, Nesta could barely find the words, her voice. "I didn't even say yes, yet."

His lips curved upward again, dimples appearing by the right corner. "That doesn't mean I'm not already hoping for a second."

He finally let her down, setting her feet on the ground but keeping and arm around her waist for support until she found her footing.

"And planning for one, it seems," Nesta shot back, her gaze never leaving his.

"And a third, and a fourth, and a fifth," he agreed, stepping her back until she was flush against the shelf.

Nesta inhaled sharply at the impact, at how his scent of embers and a winter's breeze enveloped her entirely as he braced a hand by her head. "My, you seem to have me booked for quite a few weeks."

He twitched his head to the left slightly, as if to say 'sort of'. "If you'll let me."

"I think we should just start with the one, and not get ahead of ourselves."

His stare twinkled with something Nesta couldn't quite read. "Way too late for that."

He leaned in slowly and Nesta felt her breath completely leave her body. She braced herself, something throbbing within her, ready for the kiss to come, even as she tried to look like she hadn't imagined it every night since that first time he came into the library. But his lips never found hers.

Instead, they rested by her ear, hot air blowing lightly against the ridge of it.

"I'll pick you up from here at seven," he whispered, his voice rough in a way that had Nesta quivering.

He left a single kiss on Nesta's neck, just beneath her ear, and then strode away. Leaving Nesta against the shelf, attempting to pick up whatever pieces of herself had been scattered about.

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[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE DNI

HAVE AGE IN BIO

OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE BLOCKED

warnings: verbal/written abuse, swearing, snape, possible unhealthy coping mechanisms, friends not being able to count on friends

AN: this is going to be long. I’ll have something different and more cheerful up for tomorrow. Promise.

my hand trembled as I signed the letter. It wouldn’t be received well anyway, having an owl delivering anything never was, but it was for my sanity this year. Having one holiday where I felt at ease and at home. If it went well, if I liked how it felt, I’d keep staying. Or at least for as long as I could. five years had gone by so fast and I knew the next two would as well but by then I could join the wizarding world for good and I never had to look back. It would hurt to leave the only place I could call home but hogwarts would always be there. I was good at charms and maybe I could try to get a teaching position when I graduated. But I had two years to figure that out.

It took two days for a response. I was glad to have been a muggle born in that moment. I distinctly remember the howler that sirius black got. The way his mothers voice filled the hall. The way he couldn’t do anything to stop it. All because he had done the same thing I was doing now. And the fact my muggle parents wanted nothing to do with magic meant that if the letter got too bad I could simply stop reading and that would be that. I swallowed as sirius sat down next to me before gently putting a hand on my leg.

“that their response?” I nodded. “Want me to read it first?” I shook my head. “Want me to stay here just in case?” I nodded again. Sirius squeezed my leg and reached across the table for a cinnamon roll. “I’ll be right here then.” He started eating as I unfolded the letter. ‘Dear (Y/N),

Who the fuck do you think you are? Spending Christmas at that school instead of at home where you belong? What the hell do you think you are trying to prove? They send students home for a reason but I guess you failed at even that. Stay if you want but don’t expect there to be any gifts if you do. And don’t expect them to be here when you come back at the end of the year. If we let you back. Why we didn’t kick you out when you got that damn letter is still a mystery. If you stay the holidays, let that headmaster know you will require a new place to stay and money but you know what he’ll suggest in order to earn it. if you don’t you’re dumber than we thought and that’s saying something. And if you even think about using your magic to continue to attend that school, we will be taking it up with the proper authorities.

Remind your teachers that we need to talk to them about your poor work ethics and that they are supposed to let us know when your grades are slipping. We can only assume that being the lying bitch you are you never told them. I guess you’re magic isn’t worth anything if you can’t do something as simple as remember to ask for help. Do so or we will be paying a visit to the school to inform them ourselves. The same with the headmaster. Write back to us right away, the correct way, telling us you have done as you are told and include the information we have asked for. If not, well let’s just say you aren’t going to like the consequences. You’re lucky we haven’t pull you out of that damn school. Yet. We’ll be waiting for you at kings cross in a week. mom and dad’

It felt like my throat was closing up as I folded the letter back up. Sirius glanced at me before going back to what he deemed his breakfast.

“everything ok?“ his hand was back on my leg.

“no.” I choked out. Sirius removed his hand and waited for me to put the letter in it. He flicked it open and read it.

“oh shit.” He forgot about his breakfast As his eyes scanned over the contents of the letter. “(Y/N), I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” My shoulder shook with the effort to keep my emotions in check. Sirius slipped his arm over them as I made to get up. I looked at his Face in fear before submitting to his care. “I’m staying this year. So is remus And Peter. We’ll keep an eye on you.” I shook my head.

“and potter?” I scoffed. Sirius bit his lip. Remus had joined us as we stared each other down. I glanced at his face before shaking my head again. “Right. What protection can you offer me from your own friend Sirius? face it the only reason we get along is because magic or not some families are shit. If James had his way we wouldn’t have anything else in common. So thanks but no thanks. I’ll figure it out on my own.” I took my letter back, angry tears burning my eyes as I stood up and fled the great hall. In my mind there was only one place to go. the potions classroom. James potter wouldnt dare set foot down there unless he had to and the slytherins wouldn’t bother me if they thought that I was just trying to better myself in a class everyone had trouble with. I brushed past students heading to breakfast as I repeated the contents of the letter in my head. Tears started to spill just as I reached the dungeons. Slytherins looked at me curiously as I pushed past them before I finally found the door I was looking for. Without looking up, I reached for the handle. I jumped back when my hand brushed another.

“sorry.” We both breathed out. My eyes met with the dark brown eyes of Severus snape.

“Severus. Sorry. I… sorry.” I shook my head as I quickly wiped at some of the tears.

“(Y/N)? Are you ok?” He reached towards me gently as I kept wiping tears away. My laugh was shaky as I realized I didn’t even think of the one slytherin that wouldn’t even question why a gryffindor was practicing potions let alone why I was. Severus looked at me with a worried expression before he gently grabbed my wrist. “No you’re not. Come on. I know somewhere we can go. You have a free period right?” I nodded as he gently tugged Me along. “So do I. We can stay there until the next.“ I followed him blindly as he led me past the throngs of students, up to the third floor and down an abandoned corridor. We passed and empty wall once. Twice. Three times before a door appeared. Despite all I had just been through, my eyes widened in shock and my head whipped over to look at Severus. “Cool right?” I nodded as he pushed through the door and we entered a room that could only be described as a combination of the gruff indie and slytherin common rooms. I put my bag down by the door and Severus set his down on the other side.

“what is this place?” I asked as I looked around. The fireplace roared to life and Severus led the way over to it. Just like in the gryffindor common room, there was a cubby where we could sit and that seemed to be the plan. “It’s incredible. Does it always look like this?” I wiped my eyes again and Severus smiled at the sudden inquisitiveness that I was displaying.

“It’s called the room of requirement. It changes to whatever the person needs. Right now we need something comforting. So it created this room.“ Severus raised a brow at the red and gold decorations in the room but waved a hand at them. “You feel most comfortable in the gryffindor common room and I feel most comfortable in the slytherin common room so they combined.“ I nodded as Severus sat down next to the fire. I joined him and turned So I was staring at the fire.

“comfortable.“ I nodded. ”definitely something I need right now.“ I sighed as Severus put his hand on my shoulder, a stark contrast to Sirius with his hand on my leg. Less territorial. more careful. Less confident. More….friendly.

“do you want to talk about why you were running crying to the potions room?” My shoulders fell in despair. I half heartedly held up the folded letter that was still clasped in my hand. “This?” I nodded as I returned my focus to the fire, not wanting to see one of the few people I could call a friend finally finding out what my family was like. I mentally scoffed. As if I could actually call the marauders my friends. Severus on the other hand. Maybe I could call him my friend. Which did admittedly cause a few issues with our houses but talent recognized talent and stuck together. “What are you going to do?” His voice snapped me out of my trance. I tore my eyes away from the fire to look at him. There was genuine concern and worry in his eyes. And he was normally so good at hiding his emotions.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged before shifting in my seat. “I don’t think they really mean it. But then again sometimes,” I trailed off. Severus reached for my hand. “Sometimes they are. And i can’t tell.“ I held onto his hand like it was a lifeline. “If I stay, I have no where to go. Or I might have never come back here.” Severus squeezed my hand again. “If I go home, I might not come back. or I might not have a place to go.” Severus nodded before looking at the letter in his other hand.

“i have an idea.” He said after a pause. “What if you told them you were going to use the holidays to work on your skills? Get extra help from the professors? They couldn’t say no to that.“ I blinked at him in surprise. “And I’m sure you could get mcgonagall to fake a letter. Slughorn too. Maybe even flickwit. If not I can forge his. Then send them home say once a week or every two weeks. I’m sure we could even get dumbledore in on it if they so wished.” There was a beat of silence. I threw myself at Severus and hugged him tight, much to his surprise. His arms wrapped around to keep us upright and quickly tightened.

“Severus! That’s brilliant!” My voice was muffled by his shoulder. “I don’t know how you came up with that but it’s perfect!” Severus tightened his grip before rubbing my back. “The best part is I get to stay here and do whatever I want with them none the wiser! thank you!”

“you’re welcome.” Severus‘s quiet baritone seemed to vibrate through me. I pulled back enough to look him in the eye.

”I mean it Severus. I’m really thankful.“ he nodded before we separated and continued to enjoy the comfort of the fire.

“what are you going to do about potter?” His question cut through the comfortable silence. I made a face. “Oh come on. I know he’s as much a problem for you as he is me. Even with you hanging around with the other three.“ I rolled my eyes and nodded.

“you’re right. Even if I don’t want to admit it.“ I gently pushed his shoulder with mine. Severus smiled as I kept leaning against him. “I don’t know yet. I guess I’ll just deal with him when it comes time to.” There was a beat of silence. “you’re staying too right?” Severus nodded as he leaned his head against mine.

“yeah. Which puts me in the same spot as you.” I nodded in agreement. “Except I don’t have the other three to come pick up the pieces afterwards.”

“don’t say that. Cuz they don’t.“ I bit out harshly. “All they do is ignore what he had just done and try to make me forget that he does it.“ there was a silence that settled over us then. I took a deep breath before turning to look at him, making Severus lift his head up. “what I was going to suggest was we spend more time in here. We can work on whatever we need to and practice or just come here to read. Enjoy each other’s company as it were.“ Severus nodded. “It has the added perk of avoiding James potter as well.“

“that actually sounds lovely.” Severus agreed before looking into the fire. “Probably will be the best holidays I’ve ever had.” I nodded in agreement.

“so it’s settled. I’ll send you an owl at breakfast if we’re going to meet up and it’ll have a list of things I need to work on and any supplies we’ll need. Then we meet up in the corridor and find the room for the day.“ Severus nodded and we shook on it. I saw his watch peeking out from his shirtsleeve. “Oh shit. We have to go. Ten minutes before first period is over. We can just beat the masses back down to the dungeons in time for potions.” Severus checked his watch himself as i tossed the letter into the fire. We collected our belongings. Just before we left, I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “seriously Severus. Thank you.” I got a glimpse of his pale pink cheeks before the door appeared and we exited the room. Trying to lighten the mood, I hitched my bag up my shoulder. “Race ya to the dungeons.” I tagged his shoulder and took off down the hall. I just missed the eye roll Severus sent my way as he started down the hall, calling after me.

[vroomvroommbtch]

So it goes: Chapter 4 - MI x fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary: One sunny morning in Perth, Maggie discovers that she wasn't as good at goodbyes as she thought she was.

Pairing: Michael Italiano x fem!OC

Warnings: +18, swearing, smut, fluff, angst and tears are finally here, kiddos.

Word count: 6.4k

A/N: Tears and sadness are finally here, kids. Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster coming your way. I’m really happy you’re enjoying this little craziness. Thanks for the love and the feedback and enjoy!

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Chapter 4 - Dancing with our hands tied.

There was a whole mess of clothes and things all around the bed, but nothing compared to the mess Maggie had in her head. That was the representation of her life at the moment: a complete and absolute mess that Maggie had no idea how to fix. It was a complete disaster and she had no idea what to do or where to start. Much to her dislike, the day of going back home arrived after the holidays and she wasn’t ready. It was the first time in her life that she didn’t want to go back home and it felt weird. At least she was glad nobody was in the house that morning as she had to deal with her mixed emotions. Jas and Danny had to go out to see his parents and they said they could stay to help, but Maggie insisted it was fine. She had things to do and didn't need a nanny, and especially not two, no matter how much she loved them. 

Maggie took a deep breath and one by one she started to put her clothes in the empty suitcase. It was fine, and she was dealing with it as best as she could until she saw it. It was like someone punched her in the stomach when she grabbed the shiny black dress she wore for New Year’s Eve. The eternal reminder of the ‘I’m yours and you’re mine so fuck the rest’ that none of them mentioned after it. After a whole week, that conversation was still living rent-free in her mind, especially at night when she lay down on the same bed where it happened.  They decided to keep it casual for some days to calm the waters. After the whole demonstration of affection on New Year’s Eve, it was better to keep it calm. Somehow everyone believed in the whole ‘Maggie drank too much and she was feeling sick, so I stayed with her till she fell asleep’, or at least that’s what Michael said to her. She said she was feeling like crap to keep the façade, but they wanted to cover their tracks. What Maggie never thought was that they wouldn’t be able to talk.  She wanted to talk to him. They knew they had to, but it seemed like an impossible task. Every single time they thought they had a minute alone, someone magically appeared, some phone ringed or something happened. For days all they could do was smile at each other practically from afar. They got some secret touches that didn’t last more than a second. Fingers brushing as they passed behind each other, Michael carefully touching her waist or kissing her head so fast that he disappeared before she could even realize. She couldn’t complain about the bad timing. The lack of time wasn’t really nobody’s fault. Those were the counted weeks where Michael could be home and do whatever he wanted. She had free time, but he had a life there. He had a job, a family, friends, and a life. A life that didn’t include Maggie, no matter how it hurt her to think about it. A life that included her in the way she really wanted.

That’s how a week later they still haven’t spoken even if Maggie was leaving. That’s what was eating her alive and had her awake night after night. She didn’t want to leave without having that conversation, but at the same time she was terrified of bringing up the subject. She wanted to ask if he meant what he said that night. She wanted to tell him that she meant every word and that it wasn’t the alcohol talking. Maggie wanted to tell him too many things, but she was terrified. A soft knock on the door brought her back to earth and Maggie dropped the dress to go open it. She was sure it was her sister or Daniel that went back without her realizing. It wouldn’t be the first time she didn’t heard the car thanks to the music blasting on her phone and her mind being lost somewhere. Maggie was absolutely sure it was them, so she opened the door without even looking and walked back to the bed. “You’re back this early?” she asked with her back at the door as she folded one of her shirts. When Maggie got no answer, she turned again and saw Michael leaning on the door, arms crossed and a smile on his face, which was enough to make her nervous automatically. “Hey, I had no idea you were coming. What are you doing here? I thought it was your free day. I mean, it’s Sunday” she rambled, speaking fast and placing her hair behind her ears. Suddenly she had no idea what to do, what to say, or even how to breathe. “It's my free day. I just came to say goodbye to a friend who is leaving” he explained as the cocky smirk just grew on his face.  ‘Friend’. Great.

“Oh. Ouch, but okay” Maggie whispered, feeling the burn of the world doing damage to her mind, heart and soul. She knew they weren’t together and that Michael didn’t owe her anything, but after that party it just hit different to hear that. “It's a joke” Michael smiled, walking to her and kissing her forehead. “But I seriously came to see you and give you a hug before you go” Maggie shrugged, not even looking at him as she tried to erase the feeling from her body and the knot from her stomach. “Well, I can accept a hug from a friend”. Payback.

“And I deserve that. You need some help with this?” he asked, pointing to the suitcase as he sat in an empty corner of the bed, right beside where Maggie was standing.  Her first response was to shake her head. It was stupid, but she didn’t want to see Michael packing her stuff. Packing them was hard enough, but seeing Michael was going to be worse. It was like seeing him send her away. “I know you are kind of professional at this, but its good, don’t worry” Maggie smiled trying to hide how she was really feeling.

Maggie should have known better, he was going to ignore her and help anyway, so he folded one of her shirts and handed it to Maggie. He was going to help, even if that meant giving her one thing. “Excited to go home?” Michael wondered. Maggie took the shirt and thought about it for a second. She didn’t get surprised when she couldn’t find in her head a clear answer to it. She knew the logical answer was a happy yes, but she shrugged as she spoke. “I guess” she breathed, placing the purple piece of cloth inside the suitcase.  “I guess?” Michael repeated.  “I mean, I miss home and all that, and I swear I like my job, but I’m gonna miss the sun and the whole doing nothing all day” she explained. It was the most neutral answer she could give of as her brain was yelling ‘I’m gonna miss you’, but she just couldn’t say it.  “Yeah, I get it. It's a strange mix. You wanna stay but you wanna go”. “A girl can’t be fully happy and have everything, I guess” Maggie smiled sadly, avoiding the knot that suddenly formed in her throat. Between that and the one in her stomach, she had no idea how she was able to breathe and talk.

Maggie knew Michael had noticed something, because as soon as those words left her mouth, he dropped the pair of jeans he was folding and stroked her arm. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay, you know that, right?” Michael asked smiling at her. Maggie nodded and smiled back at him, but didn’t say a word. She tried focusing on the music still playing on her phone but even the lyrics of the song made her think of him. It sounded made for them. It sounded about them and she hated. The ‘I wanted to be your girl with your hands on my skin’ kept resonating and she hated it. She hated it as much as she hated leaving, and as much a she hated to see that black dress right in front of her. She hated it as much as she hated the whole situation. She felt like a coward. Maggie promised herself that she was going to talk to him as soon as they had a minute alone, but there she was, scared like a little kid. Maggie felt all intimidated like that first night she saw Michael. She felt like the night when she couldn’t stop thinking about how big and handsome he was and how small she felt beside him. She felt again like she was in front of the most handsome man in the world who she thought was never going to look at her. Somehow now it was worse because he actually looked at her, but every was too hard.

“I thought I was good at goodbyes and then I met you. Now I just fucking hate them” Maggie whispered out of nowhere, folding the dress and putting it in the back of the suitcase so she didn’t have to see it for much longer.  Maggie wasn’t lying when she said to her it really wasn’t hard to say goodbye to people, not even when she was a kid. When her grandparents on her dad’s side died when she was a kid, when Lily moved to London for work years ago, when her sister decided to leave and travel the world with Daniel, it was all somehow normal. It was the natural course of life. She always saw it as a normal thing for people to come and go, but the day she met Michael something changed.  “I’m gonna sound like a book and I know you hate that, but it’s not a goodbye. It's not like we’re not gonna keep seeing each other. I know I’ll see you in March” Michael remembered her. After what it felt like an eternity, he grabbed her hand, made her leave the shorts that she was holding, and made her stand between his legs to have her whole attention. “I’ll try to make it to the first race. But you let me know if you go to visit Dublin with the Ricciardos some weekend. Or if you wanna sneak on your own” she smiled at him as she placed both hands on his shoulders.

As Michael placed his hands on her waist and made her move closer to him, Maggie somehow felt the nerves slowly wash away from her body. She knew it was in part thanks to his thumbs stroking her hips, but also thanks to his smile. “I’m sure I will. You let me know if you go to London” “You’ll find out if I go, don’t worry. And stop making it sound like I hate books. I love books” Maggie affirmed, pinching his cheek and scratching his jaw and head with her fingers. “You just hate motivational quotes. I know. But you can handle them when they come from me and I know that too” Michael spoke, placing a kiss on her palm and leaning on her right hand.  

“Of course you know. Sometimes it’s annoying to deal with a male version of Hermione Granger” she joked, placing a kiss on his forehead. Maggie left it there because she knew there was no way to stop herself if her lips touched his.  Maggie tried to escape from him and go back to packing. She needed to go back to packing before things got out of hands, but as she started walking away Michael grabbed her arm. “That makes you a female version of Ron?” Michael asked, making her sit down on his legs and rounding her waist with his arm again. She wasn’t going anywhere any time soon, and she knew it. “There’s not that many redheads back there as people think, y’know? It's weird how people associate ginger and Ireland. About 10% of the Irish population has red hair and that’s the highest incidence in the world” she explained, resting her head against him. “And then I’m Hermione?” Michael laughed, placing a kiss on his forehead.  “You kind of are. But you also are like a human Aussie sunshine. And I’m like a grumpy little gnome. We were made to break” she shrugged, closing her eyes. Even if for just a second she just wanted to be there, to hold him, to miss herself in his warmth and the smell of his skin and his cologne and the feeling of his arms around her. Maggie hated to admit it, but she wasn’t joking when she said they were meant to break. She knew perfectly fine and from the beginning her thing with Michael wasn’t meant to be. Not because they didn’t want to, but because it was nearly impossible. More than anything she wished they were as lucky as Daniel and Jas were, but they weren’t them. Michael wasn’t Danny, and no matter how much the Irish sister looked alike, Maggie wasn’t Jas. Everyone said it was some kind of a miracle for them to meet. It was a miracle they were in the same place at the same time when Jas wasn’t even supposed to be in Monaco that weekend. It was a miracle that Jas wasn’t working at the time and how they managed to make everything work from day one. Everything about them seemed like a weird fairytale, and it was completely opposite to what Michael and Maggie had. While Jas could drop everything to go travel the world with Daniel, Maggie had a nine to five, five days a week job. It was a miracle, the fact that they could run into each other once a month for the last four months, but it wasn’t a thing that would happen always. What happened between Jas and Daniel was a miracle, while what happened between Michael and Maggie was an accident that ended up covered in a sheet of lies. They were meant to break because they weren’t meant to happen at all, but at least she wanted to enjoy those little stolen moments.

“I wonder if you’re more a gnome or a leprechaun. But I guess leprechaun, because you’re Irish” Michael wondered with the most serious tone, even if they were having the most ridiculous joke, totally unaware of what was happening in Maggie’s mind. “Does they like the sun light?”  Maggie couldn’t help but smile at his question. He was trying to light up the mood and she couldn’t be more thankful for it. “For what I know, they love gold coins, shamrocks, rainbows and anything green, but I guess they do. I mean, you need sun light for rainbows and to make shamrocks grow” Maggie explained, snuggling a bit closer to him. “Do you know the legend says if a human gets to catch one, then the leprechaun will grant you three wishes, or even give you his pot of gold?”  Before Maggie could think and before he answered, Michael started to place kisses all over her face and his arm tightened around her waist. If he was trying to make her smile and forget about what was about to happen later, it totally worked. “I already catch one, where are my wishes?” “I think you caught a failed one, sorry” she laughed, kissing his nose as she looked at him when Michael finally stopped. “I got the leprechaun, I don’t need the wishes or the pot of gold” Michael admitted, placing his head on her neck as he kissed her skin slowly a couple times.  They stayed there in absolute silence for a couple of minutes more, and suddenly something in the air changed. The atmosphere around them shifted. All those laughs and smiles got silent and all she could hear was their steady breaths and the music on her phone. She could feel Michael somehow trying to make himself smaller so his big body would fit in her arms as she hugged him. She had no idea how they did it, but they did. They made it work like perfect pieces fitting together without effort. There was no possible way to get closer to each other, but they tried. They held tight and then some as Maggie kissed his forehead and Michael kept kissing her shoulder and neck again and again.  “I don’t wanna go back” Maggie murmured, moving her hand to scratch his short hair on the back of his head. She finally had the courage to admit it, but it made her feel worse because there was nothing they could really do about it. Michael took a deep breath and squeezed her waist. He didn’t have to say anything for her to know he was overthinking. It was exactly the same thing he did when Maggie asked what they were going to do if someone found them together back on New Year’s Eve. “I know you don’t and I don’t want you to go either, but you have to. You have to and I can’t ask you to stay no matter how badly I want to” Michael admitted.  

It took everything in her to not kiss him, but especially to not cry and ignore the knot in her stomach and throat. “Can you say it again? I mean, that everything’s gonna be alright?” Maggie practically begged, needing to hear him say it, even if it was a lie. A lie was exactly what she needed at that moment.   Michael looked up from her neck and straight into her eyes, and Maggie melted. She melted like every single time he was in front of her. Like every time she saw him and every time they kissed or touched. “Everything's gonna be alright. You’ll see” he murmured, stroking her cheek with his thumb in such a careful way that it felt like he was scared of her breaking or disappearing in his hands. 

“How’s that thing you Aussies say? She’ll be apples?” she asked, leaning into his hand. She closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the warm feeling of his skin against her. “Yes, exactly that. She’ll be apples” he affirmed, kissing her forehead as he kept talking. “You haven’t been sleeping much, right?”. Maggie opened her eyes at the question and looked at him. She didn’t tell anyone about it. She didn’t want anybody worrying about her, so she kept her lack of sleep issue to herself. At least she was convinced she did. “I just know. I know you a bit” he explained, kissing her forehead and her frown. “You’re terrible. You’re seriously something else” she smiled, not even trying to ask how he figured it out. “If all those goddamn self-help books were as cute at you, I swear to God…” Maggie whispered, placing her forehead against his as she fought the urgency and absolutely need of kissing him until next Christmas. Maybe for the next four years and then some.

There it was again on his face that goddamn smirk that made her get her knees weak. He knew he had her in his hands. “You would read them, then?” “Depends. If they have pictures, I might even check them out” Maggie said it in the most serious tone she could find, but she just started giggling a second later because she just couldn’t with him and his perfect smile.  “I’ll see if I find one with cute pictures for you” Michael promised and closed his own deal with a peak on her lips. After days and days and days of just kisses anywhere but on each other’s lips, that felt like heaven. If felt right and wonderful. It felt like home. “Can you wait here? I gotta grab something from the car” he asked out of nowhere, not even giving Maggie chance to kiss him again. “You have a book with pictures for me?” Maggie asked as she got up from his lap. He smiled at her and run through the door without saying a word to her. She had no idea how she was going to make it to leave and go back home if it felt wrong leave his side for a minute. She felt cold the second he walked away from her, even if they were in the middle of the Australian summer. She felt lonely and hated every single second of it. Maggie had time to put just two things in the suitcase before Michael was back, but this time he came with a gift wrapped in green paper and a little golden ribbon over it. “I was going to give it to you for Christmas but I don’t know, I regret it. But this morning I saw it and I said ‘fuck it’ so there you go” he explained, giving Maggie the small package and sitting back on the bed.  Sitting on his lap was automatic. She could have sat at any other place, but after crossing again the line of kisses and being all over each other, the bed didn���t seem like a good option. Besides, his lap was always way more comfortable than any bed. “You really got me a self-help book after you got me a Kindle for Christmas?” Maggie smiled as she opened carefully the package that had in fact been the size and form of a book. On Christmas morning, Maggie opened a package wrapped exactly the one she had in her hand at that moment. She knew it was his the second she saw it but then she opened the little card that said ‘I know you like turning pages and the smell of books, but give this a try? It’s easier for traveling and your shoulders and back will be happy if you do’. When she read it, she just confirmed it was his, which only made her smile like a happy girl. “It's not a book, it's a journal” Michael announced as Maggie looked at the back of it. “I know you’re not into that kind of things, but I don’t know, maybe you can give it a go” “I love it. And it has an M and its green. I love green and gold” she exclaimed as she looked at it, running her fingers over the cover. She was never one of those kinds of people to write in a diary, but she loved everything about that journal. The leather was such a beautiful green tone and she absolutely loved the golden letter on it. It was everything she would have chosen for herself if she ever picked one. The fact that Michael got it for her made Maggie just love it even more. “I know you do” he shrugged with the biggest smile on his face as Maggie opened to give it a look.  “Oh! You wrote something for me. Can I read it?” she asked all excited as soon as she saw there was a little note written for her on the second page. As soon as Michael nodded, she opened it again to read it out loud. “‘For the grumpiest and most beautiful girl in the world. Thanks for always putting a smile on my face and for being a sunshine who makes my days brighter. I wouldn’t change you for the world, sweetheart. Your favorite boy, coach and Aussie, Mike’”. She wasn’t even done when the tears appeared in her eyes. She was expecting anything, but that. She didn’t need that at such a moment when she was dying to stay, but she loved it almost as much as she loved him. “I hate you. You weren’t supposed to make me cry” she murmured, holding the journal against her chest with one hand and hitting Michael softly on the chest because she was doing a wonderful job holding her tears, and he ruined it.

As soon as one of her tears touched her cheek, Michael was cleaning them with his fingers, trying in vain to dry her face. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to make you cry. But now if you wanna tell someone how much you hate me or miss me, you can put it down there” “I was doing a wonderful job keeping it together and you do this. I should kill you” Maggie cried softly, leaving the journal to a side to place her arms around his neck again. “Thank you, babe. I really, really love it. I promise I’ll give it a try. Or maybe I’ll end up like a twelve-year-old kid writing our names inside a heart. Glitter pen and all”. It was a joke, but it wasn’t that much of a joke. “Oh God, I wanna see that. Send me a picture if that happens” he laughed, kissing her neck as he stroked her back.  “It's my diary, I won’t show you. Its personal” she joked, stroking his cheek as Michael looked back at her with an offended face. “Don’t play offended with me. I’m your leprechaun, remember? I still can grant you your wishes”  “I wanna use one of my wishes” Michael suddenly said, using his hand to move a strand of her hair behind her ear.  “I thought you didn’t need any wishes but okay, go ahead and I’ll see what I can do” she smiled, holding his hand to kiss his knuckles.  “I want a kiss” he announced, making Maggie smile as she hadn’t done it in days.  Maggie didn’t answer his request, at least not with words. Instead, she placed her hands on his neck and gave him a peak. She knew he didn’t mean that when he said a kiss, but she wanted to take it slow and enjoy it as much as possible. Maggie wanted to enjoy the last moment they had alone, especially because she never knew if those were going to be the last ones. She kissed him softly, stroking his jaw with her thumbs as carefully and softly as possible, because this time she felt like he was going to break or disappear between her hands.

They pressed their lips together again and again in the most loving and caring way, but as the seconds passed the desperation and the urgency started to take over. They always knew their minutes together were counted; that’s why everything always was fast and rushed, but this time was different. They were desperate to kiss each other and be in each other’s arms because as long as they knew it was the last time. The longing to be there with him was so big that Maggie had no idea what to do except keep kissing him because she couldn’t get enough. Without breaking their kiss, Maggie accommodated herself on his lap, placing both legs on his sides and her hands on his waist to have him as close as possible. All she could think about in that moment was how his hands were holding her in place, one pressed against her ass and the other one on the back of her neck. All she could feel was his hard body against hers, his tongue moving in perfect sync with hers; his soft lips kissing her untiringly; his fingers moving slowly to stay under her shirt, and his smell intoxicating her. They never kissed like that. Never with such adoration and passion and need. They never had such a need of not letting go and Maggie had no idea what to do. Her brain absolutely turned off the second Michael bit her lower lip. The moan that left her lips was accompanied with the perfect movement of her hips against his and Maggie was absolutely gone. “Please… Please fuck me, babe” she begged against her lips, pulling his shirt to take it off. She was so hopeless that couldn’t even focus to do that, so Michael ended up doing it for her.  “But your things…” he tried to say but Maggie just interrupted him with another kiss as Michael took her shirt off in a swift move, dropping it on the floor with his.  “I don’t care. Throw them to the floor or leave them there, but please fuck me” she breathed, kissing his neck and jaw.

None of them took the time to throw her things off the bed or even move them away. There was no time since they had no idea when Jas and Daniel were coming back. The only moment when they moved away from each other was when Maggie got up to take off the rest of her clothes as Michael took off his at the same time. It was fast and messy as them, but as soon as they were back with each other it was like being home again. Just like on New Year’s Eve, Maggie didn’t take the time to adjust to him, just lined him against her entrance and moved down slowly, making him go as deep as possible as both of them moaned for the feeling of being together. Maggie couldn’t count with both hands how many times they were in the same situation. She couldn’t count how many times she had been over him and riding him like it was their last day on Earth, but something was different that morning. The way they were holding and looking at each other was different, and she had no idea what it was or how to describe it. All Maggie knew was it was gonna make their goodbye harder and the knock on her stomach and throat bigger. She wanted to convince herself it was the morning light, but his eyes were shining brighter than ever as he looked at her. He held her waist tighter as he guided her movements backward and forward with one hand as the other pinched her nipple, making her moan even louder. Maggie wanted to say so many things to him but she decided it was going to be worse, so she pressed her lips against his to keep herself quiet. The desperation they had was louder than any words they could say. It was all in the tight grip of their fingers, on the way their hips thrusted harder every time, on the way their lips touched, the way their eyes couldn’t look away from each other for long time. Everything they needed to know and more was on the way they moaned each other’s name again and again and again.

Everything was there, but it was especially shown in the way Michael did everything she asked for. If Maggie asked for him to hold her tighter, he would do if; if she asked to touch her anywhere, he would do it in the most perfect way; if she asked for a kiss, he would kiss her with everything he had; if she asked for him to go harder or faster, he would just go for it. Michael would do anything Maggie asked, especially when she asked him to cum inside her. She didn’t have to say it twice, but first he took care of her, kissing her neck and chest as his fingers moved precisely against her clit. Michael held her tighter as she came back from her high and when she was ready again, he went back to slam their hips together. Nobody ever made her moan like he did that morning. Nobody every kissed or touched her like he did that morning. Adobe all, nobody ever fucked her like Michael did that morning. It was even completely different to all the previous times they were together and she loved every single second of it. Maggie couldn’t even remember a time when she heard Michael moaning her name like that, dropping praise after praise, not really caring about the noise they were making. She wanted to ask him to say again that he was hers, but she was too scared to bring up the subject, so instead she asked for something simpler. “Look at me. Please, look at me” she begged as Michael was kissing her neck. They were holding onto each other’s backs and heads, fingers tangled and tugging into each other’s hair. She had no idea how he did it, but he hold his orgasm until he was sure he had built her second one. He used every single trick he had and every single one of her weak spots to make her cum again. He didn’t stop until her legs gave up and then he automatically finished after her as they looked straight at each other’s eyes. They rode out their highs, but this time together, moving every time slower until they stopped and it was just their bodies joined together as they kissed and hugged as sweetly as possible. If there was any spot on Maggie’s face, neck or shoulders or chest that wasn’t kissed, Michael took care of it. If there was any part of her body he hadn’t touched, he also took care of it. He stroked every inch of skin and kissed her until they got their breath back and until Maggie was a mess of smiles and giggles that made him smile and giggle too. 

“What was that?” Maggie murmured as she ran her fingers around his back and his short hair.  “That was me giving you something to write in your new journal” he joked against her lips, which only made her smile wider.  “I thought that was your way to tell me you were going to miss me” she joked, kissing his nose and lips. “That too. And it was also me giving you a reason to miss me, even if just a bit” he confessed between kisses that were as soft as when they started some minutes ago.   Maggie was left speechless again and she lost count of how many times it happened that morning. She stayed looking at him, trying to memorize again every single thing about him. From the exact brown tone of his eyes and how they seemed lighter on the sun, and the cute wrinkles around his eyes, and how his whole face lightened up when he smiled, to where his freckles were and how his skin felt against hers and how his laugh always resonated around the room and in her ears.  She was so lost on him that she didn’t even ask him the first time he spoke to her. “Maggie? Are you there?” Michael asked, stroking her cheek as she zoned back. 

“Yes, sorry. I just… Nothing” she regretted, giving him a kiss as long as possible, knowing they had to let go and put on their clothes back on. For a second she thought about telling Michael what was on her mind, but she knew it was bad timing. If they couldn’t talk about it, maybe it was for a reason. Maybe it was a way for the universe to tell them it was bad timing. Maybe it was a way to tell them they shouldn’t be together at all. If they couldn’t speak in days, there must be a reason, so Maggie decided to stay in his arms as long as she could and just enjoy the feeling of being there. “Thanks for this. It was more than I could ever ask and wish for” she confessed, resting her forehead against his.  “Since when do we thank each other?” he asked, but all he got as an answer was a shrug of her shoulders and a tiny smile.  “I’ll go to the bathroom, and I’ll be back in a second, okay?” she stated, giving him one last kiss. Michael nodded and helped her as she got up and like every time, Maggie hated to move away from him.  She disappeared into the bathroom and came back some minutes later to find a not even half-dressed Michael trying to fold her things, the same mess of things they had moved away in the middle of the bed. He turned around when he heard her footsteps on the floor and hugged her naked body, bringing her closer and giving her a soft peak. Maggie wanted to stop the time. She wanted to stay in that room forever, or at least for some extra hours and get lost again and again in his lips, but they had a deadline. People was going to be back at the farm and she had a plane to take. They had lives even if they were trying to avoid it.

They helped to redress each other between kisses and smiles. Michael took his good time helping Maggie put her panties back on as he kissed her legs on the way up and then he did the same thing with her shorts. When they finished with all their clothes and they looked like rather normal people again, Maggie just couldn’t help but go and kiss him again. On their mornings together they were never like that. They never had the time, they were always running, sneaking around and acting like friends who didn’t spend the night together. They would steal a kiss or two saying again how they shouldn’t do that again, but ended up laughing because they knew it was pure bullshit. None of that happened that morning and somehow, she was thankful it didn’t.  “Are you sure I can’t drive you to the airport? We can invent something up” Michael asked, one hand glued to her waist and the other one to her neck.  “We talked about it. I’ll be fine. Just don’t worry about me” Maggie insisted, but looking at his puppy eyes, she hated to say no. He asked before to let her do it, but Maggie said no simply because she couldn’t handle a goodbye in a public place when she could barely see him leave the farm. “Help me finish with this?” she asked, pointing to the clothes and the suitcase with her head.  “Sure” he nodded and gave her one last peak before letting her go. 

“Can you make me a smoothie after that? I’m gonna miss them because nobody makes them like you” Maggie smiled, not even believing herself for what she just asked, but she didn’t regret it as she saw Michael smiling and his face lighting up.  “I’ll guess I’ll have to go to Dublin and fix that problem from time to time” he shrugged, kissing her forehead as they finally started to pack. At least this time she packed, but it was between kisses.

[hansolmates]

one more time (m)

pairing; (former) popular!jk x (former) normie!reader summary; it’s been two years since you’ve seen your former tryst jeon jungkook. you didn’t expect him to be applying for the internship you’re currently running, along with the rate your heart is running at the sight of him in a black suit. genre/warnings; self-deprecating language, your typical (future) co-workers!au, jungkook is a piner and so is oc, a lil bit of sneaking around, adulting, a mutual understanding of feelings (finally!!) smut in the form of—soft n’ dirty baybee, unprotected, cockwarming, overstimulation, minor praise and possession kink, cumplay, &you know that they gon have heart eyes the entire time w.c; 7.3k a/n; darn why am i so... emotional over this??? it started out as a meaningless drabble series but with all my lovely readers and moots it’s grown into such a fun, introspective series. thank u for loving this and joining me on this journey. for those of u who are new to this series feel free to read popular-ish first or as a standalone! [popular-ish masterlist]

if you’ve enjoyed this (whether as a standalone or as a series) please consider giving it a like and a share✨✨✨✨✨

“A mess, I’m a mess,” you sing-song to yourself, organizing the manuals on the clear glass by subject and size. The applications of all your new interns are alphabetized, not a form out of place. Everything’s perfect. “Alright Jessica, all twenty of the interns are accounted for.” 

“Actually, there’s twenty-three,” Jessica quips, and you let your shoulders slump. Being part of the recruiting team of your company has been simultaneously exciting and stressful. Stressful because of the constant travel, but otherwise exciting because you loved your internship at your current company. You remember how nervous you were two years ago, and how much support and help you got from your recruiters. Applying to this team was a natural turn of events. 

“A-are you sure, Jess?” you look through all the applications, count the amount of nametags, triple check the chairs. You’re sweating through your blazer, wondering where you went wrong. 

The head of your recruiting team glues one hand to her hip, while the other hand is holding her iPad, scrolling with her thumb. You swallow, intimidated by Jessica’s golden wavy locks and her black-trimmed white Chanel pantsuit. 

“Yep, but don’t be too hard on yourself. I just added three more recruits last night. I’ll get the chairs and the apps are being printed. No worries,” Jessica assures, gesturing for you to hurry up and get outside, “Call the babies in!” your team leader waves her finger around like a magic wand, commanding you to the front lines. 

Krystal puts a hand on her shoulder, as always looking impeccable. She has virtually nothing to worry about. She’s a woman who has connections, courtesy of her team leader. “Let’s go, newbie,” she teases, pulling you through the door. 

The recruits in the lobby are wide-eyed and vibrant, and you feel a little nostalgic as you watch them line up in front of you and Krystal as you sign them in. You would dwell on the feeling more if it wasn’t for your exhaustion, so you decide you’ll get a chance to take a road down memory lane when you get to the hotel. 

“Name?” 

“Xu Minghao.” 

“Congrats Minghao, here’s your nametag and I’ll see you inside,” with a firm handshake, one recruiter is free to go. 

“Name?” 

“Chou Tzuyu.” 

“Congrats Tzuyu, here’s your name tag and I’ll see you inside,” she doesn’t go in straight away, and moves to the side of the door. “Actually,” you pause mid-handshake with another recruit, staring at the woman in curiosity, “my boyfriend just got a call last night that he was accepted in this year’s batch. Do you have his name?” 

“Yes, three more recruits were added,” you chirp, as if you totally did not hear that bit of information five minutes ago, “What’s his name—Jungkook?” 

The both of you blink at each other. One hand on Tzuyu’s shoulder, eyes wide and mirroring yours. Your heart falls straight to your stomach, wanting to be eaten by acids and bacteria so you can stop any possibility of feeling any lingering affection for the boy you fooled around with in undergrad. Everything about him screams professional. He’s clean cut, a pinstripe black suit you never thought he’d own, and his hair is neatly trimmed and pulled behind his ears. His shoulders look tall and broad under the slight padding, his biceps comfortably stretching against the dark fabric. The golden complexion remains the same however, from the honest brown eyes to the coral pink lips that would always smile at you. 

“Oh, so you do have his name!” Tzuyu clasps her hands together, delighted. He has a girlfriend, too. It’s then you realize you’ll be stuck with not just him, but her for the week. “You guys are so efficient. C’mon Kookie, let’s find some seats!” 

“I still gotta get my nametag,” he replies goodnaturedly, gesturing to you, “save us some seats in the front?” 

Tzuyu thinks nothing of it, squeezing his bicep before skipping off to the front row. Your eyes linger on her form, and it’s only then you realize how tall and intimidatingly pretty she looks in that plaid teddy bear brown skirt suit. You did not look that good when you were a budding undergrad. 

By this time, Krystal has taken all your other recruits from your line, regarding you with a raised brow. She’s fast with her attendance, so you know you don’t have much time. 

“I applied last minute,” Jungkook says, scratching his head, “was running out of options before graduation. I didn’t know you’d be one of my recruiters, though. Lucky me.” 

Jungkook and you never ended up keeping in contact, at least as of recent. A check-in message a few months in, a happy birthday or holiday greeting late at night. But two years later and those messages are automatic, with no feeling or personality. You never thought you’d see him again, no less in the city. 

“You just graduated with your masters, congrats,” you smile at Jungkook, although you’re sure the feigned emotion fails to reach your eyes, “IT Management, right?” 

“You remembered,” Jungkook brightens, reaching over to squeeze your shoulder, “you look good.” 

“Oh please—”  you laugh to yourself, shaking your head, “I just got off a flight and I ran over in a two-day old suit, I don’t even have makeup on,” you didn’t feel this way in the morning, you just rushed to do the bare minimum to be enough and ran over to the convention hall. But now in the presence of Jungkook who looks so handsome and clean-cut, you can’t help but feel a little slighted at the sudden reunion. 

“You’re always beautiful,” Jungkook exhales, and you clutch your clipboard closer to your chest. 

You cough, an excuse for him to stop touching your shoulder, “You should go inside, it’s gonna start soon. We can catch up later.”

“Wait—” you make a scrunched up face that Jungkook can’t catch, but right in Krystal’s view. You can tell she’s laughing at you internally with her devious grin. “I just wanted to say, Tzuyu isn’t my girlfriend. We’re just…” 

“Fooling around?” you didn’t mean for it to sound so sharp, but you wanted this conversation over. You have a job to do and Jungkook is your emotional barrier. 

You and Jungkook used to fool around. 

Jungkook winces, looking younger in his monkey suit. “I mean if you give me a chance to explain later—”  

“Nametag, let’s go newbie.” Krystal slaps on the sticker herself, a little too hard if she asked. She doesn’t even bother to write his full name, just a bright green Jeon JK, IT Management tacked on his breast pocket, clashing with the gold pocket square. 

“Sorry,” Jungkook tucks his tail in for now, bowing at you and Krystal as he scurries inside. 

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. Krystal doesn’t bother to comfort you or ask what’s up—not that you want her to, even though you do want a breather before you have to go up on that stage and explain the itinerary for a week. The only thing you can do is smooth out your skirt, brush away the flyaways on your hairstyle and plaster a company-paid smile on your face.

The autopilot switch is on throughout the rest of the morning. Not just because Jungkook’s around, but the new position has got you on livewire. You’re glad that you’re not wearing base makeup because you are absolutely melting with all the high beam lights all up in your face as you talk through the week’s activities. 

You could swear Jungkook clapped a little harder than most once you stopped talking, but maybe it’s because you’re not used to seeing Jungkook in the very front of a lecture. In fact, he was a very hard middle person, preferring not to show off his intelligence and let other people lead the discussion. Then again, it’s been two years, you don’t know how much he’s changed. 

Jessica caps off the seminar with a great kick-off, the happy hour. The recruitment team picks a four star restaurant under their hotel so the recruits can enjoy themselves before going off to the training facility for a week. 

And by training facility, you also mean yet another four-star hotel. You knew you made the right decision by joining this company because the benefits are impeccable, and value personal enjoyment just as much as they value work ethic. In the morning you and the recruits will be driving uptown to a private resort where there would be classes in the morning, and recoup in the evening. You’re very much looking forward to the infinity pool on the roof. 

The recruits are ushered out as soon as you’re done, and that’s when you step out of the shadows to clean up the chairs and the brochures left behind. Thankfully Jungkook is probably following the norm and going back to the hotel to freshen up before dinner. Once the room is completely empty, you rip off your blazer and let yourself relax. 

It’s going to be a long week. 

Jeon: where u @?

You: hotel room

Jeon: why? Thought we were all gonna have dinner together

You: nahhh, this night is for the recruits! You’ll be tired of our faces by the end of the week, enjoy it while you can 😉  have a good night

You sigh in contentment, relaxing further into the silk sheets. You just finished your skincare routine, letting some mindless drama play as the essences and serums sink into your skin. All you want is one Jungkook-free night. Tomorrow you’ll be stuck training him and Tzuyu for the week and you want to take tonight to emotionally prepare yourself. 

Your phone rings once more. 

Big Baddie Jessica Jung: krystal and i ordered takeout in the restaurant downstairs. Can u bring it to our  room? Plsssssss 

Little Baddie Krystal Jung: it’ll be faster if you do it, we even got u a lil somethin🍰🍰🍰

Taking in your outfit, you grimace. You’re dressed for bed, a large nightie with your hair pulled back and a little pink bunny tie headband on top. Can’t they get room service to send it up? You admire your boss but you don’t understand why she needs to display her power over and over, she already knows you’ll follow her to the ends of the earth. 

Quickly slipping into a pair of sneakers you run down the expanse of the hotel. It’s easy to spot where the recruits are, livin’ it up in the large restaurant that takes up half the space of the ground floor. Most of them are pretty drunk, hoping to sleep off the hangover on the four-hour bus ride. You have absolutely no judgement, two years ago you were in the same position. 

Thankfully you don’t have to go far into the restaurant, as the hostess immediately knows Jessica’s order. While you wait for her to go into the kitchen and get it you drum your fingers against the counter, hoping no one notices you. It’s akin to when you’re a teacher in a mall, hoping none of your students gawk at you in the middle of Victoria’s Secret. 

“Ah, well Jungkook and I aren’t official yet—but very soon.” 

Your ears perk up at the sweet voice. Tzuyu is leaning across the open bar next to the counter, sipping on a mango mojito. She’s dumped the blazer for the night, showing off her soft skin and slender arms with a sleeveless cream blouse. 

“Then where is he?” another recruiter asks, gesturing to the expanse of the lobby. 

“He’s not much of a party person,” Tzuyu shrugs, tipping back her drink. 

You scoff, plastering on a smile to the hostess as you grab your bags and walk as fast as you can out of the lobby. You’ve never felt more like an old hag until now. Sure, most of the recruits are younger than you, but seeing Tzuyu talk so freely about her relationship with Jungkook has you in a bit of a spiral. The day of graduation, you told Jungkook not to wait for you. Heck, you’re only interested in the idea of what you could’ve had with Jungkook. 

These thoughts only cloud you further as you jab the elevator buttons all the way up to the suites where you and the Jungs reside. You relax a little when you see a strawberry cheesecake sitting prettily on the top of their order, your name written on the label with a little heart. Hanging their bag on the door handle of their room, you make your way back to your suite. 

You freeze when you see a floppy-haired Jungkook roaming the hallway, looking like a clueless child hobbling around in slippers and wide eyes at any sparkly item that decorates the area. It doesn’t even look like he tried attending the happy hour tonight, dressed in an impossibly big heather grey sweatsuit that swallows his form. 

“Are you lost?” you ask tentatively, as if you’re talking to a toddler lost at the mall. 

Jungkook relaxes considerably at the sound of your voice, and he replies, “Was tryna find your room since you didn’t reply to my texts.”

“So… you decided to check all the rooms?” 

“Yep,” he pops the p with a smack of his lips, “I figured the recruiters would be far away from the party so I started at the top. Thankfully I got to Jessica’s room first. Didn’t have to knock on too many doors. Only one old man got annoyed at me.” 

“You’re crazy,” you chuckle, slipping in your keycard to let Jungkook in. 

“Fuck, this room all to yourself?” 

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to kick his slides to a corner of the wall, flopping atop your bed and clutching your baby blue koala plush in his arms. The king sized bed is enough for his legs to stretch comfortably without falling off the edge, and he eagerly pads his feet against the soft fabric. 

It warms you to think that Jungkook is comfy enough to lay on your bed and hug your stuffed animals, a semblance of friends that you’ve missed for such a long time. Last year the team you worked for was great, you loved the people and even now you consider some of them friends. This year the team is a little smaller, and since your two other co-workers are sisters, it’s a little harder to nudge yourself in the direction of friendship. 

As soon as you sit down against the headboard, Jungkook’s eyes soften. Everything feels so different and the same. The threadbare pajamas that either of you haven’t had the heart to throw away since they’re so damn comfy, yet  your bodies are a little more worn and your eyes a little more droopier than usual. 

“So,” Jungkook bites his lip, not in the sexy way, but the nervous way, “about Tzuyu—”

“Jungkook, you don’t have to explain yourself,” you slump on your corner of the bed, regarding Jungkook with guilty eyes. “I really shouldn’t be feeling the way I’m feeling. It isn’t fair and I don’t want to jeopardize your internship.”

“And… what are you feeling?” 

“Dumb things.” 

“Your feelings aren’t dumb.”

“This time they are.”

“I’ve always shared my feelings, it’s unfair that you never want to share yours,” Jungkook sits up, criss-cross applesauce, pensive. “Maybe it’s my fault for not making you feel comfortable enough to share, but I feel like the reason why we never worked out was because we never tried hard enough to have a proper conversation.” 

How could you have missed all the indicators, all the good words, all the kindness Jungkook has given you that last semester? “You’re absolutely right,” you let your insecurities, your apprehensiveness, get in the way. You think in two years you’d do better to eradicate this kind of behavior, but lately you haven’t had many friends to express your feelings to. “Tell you what, I’ll work harder to express how I feel. No exchanges, no nothings. I owe you this.” 

“You owe me nothing,” Jungkook smiles, “I just think it would be nice to y’know, talk. As friends.” 

“Right, friends.”

“So, will you hear me out about Tzuyu?” 

“Let me open my cake,” you pull out your bag with the cheesecake, which thankfully has two spoons, “it seems like we’ll be having that kind of conversation.” 

Everyone is more amicable because of food. According to Jungkook, Tzuyu has a hardcore, ten-year plan for her twenties. After a couple of dates with Jungkook, Tzuyu whips him into the plan. Mentions that she’s well-bred and has a family reputation to uphold. Says IT Management is something completely desirable in a partner, that he’s sensible and wonderful and would like to be committed full-time. 

“And she talked to her parents about me and said that I’m a good prospect for marriage. Like I’m another pillar in her plan!” Jungkook cries, taking a monstrously sized bite of your cheesecake, wallowing away.

This is akin to sleepovers you’ve always wanted to have in high school, down to the food gorging. You can’t help but be fascinated, “So are you wrapped up in an engagement? Is this a scary rendition of Crazy Rich Asians?” 

“You just can’t turn a one-eighty like that on a fifth date,” Jungkook shakes his head, reeling at the emotional whiplash, “she’s really nice. Really organized, really perfect. It really intimidates me.”

“Is she what you reaaaally want?” you can’t help but ask, rolling your eyes at the excessive use of the word, and tamp down the pain in your stomach by eating a forkful of creamy cheesecake. 

“I don’t know!” Jungkook replies exasperatedly, “Obviously I’m worried since she wants to put a ring on it. I told her she needs to back off. Right after the seminar I said she had no right telling other people we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. She didn’t say much, just frowned and walked away.” 

You roll your eyes, scraping the leftover graham cracker crust from the edge of the plastic plate. “According to her, I heard you two are planning to make it official very soon.” 

His eyes widen, “I really bring girl trouble wherever I go, don’t I?” 

“Since I’ve known you,” you half-joke, putting away the plastic cutlery on the nightstand. 

You two sit in silence for a few moments, letting the television fill the room with mindless static about some sappy Hallmark movie. Tentatively, you land a hand on Jungkook’s knee. He looks down at your tiny fingers, giving his skin an experimental squeeze of comfort. 

“I don’t want her,” he finally says. 

“Okay,” you reply, “you won’t even have to talk to her if you don’t want to. I can arrange the groups this week so you don’t have to be around—”

“Give me one week,” his eyes flash to yours, dark and sharp.

“Jungkook. You have your determined face on,” it makes you sweat.  

“Because I’m determined to win you over, once and for all,” you eyes widen, and Jungkook visibly freezes, “was that too much? I’m kind of on an emotional high today. I didn’t expect to see you today and it kind of threw me into a loop. I thought I might be running into you once I started my internship but I didn’t think you’d be my recruiter. And then you went on that stage all bad-ass talking about work and you looked so gorgeous in your suit and I was so proud knowing you made it and IrealizedhowmuchImissedyou—” 

“Jungkook, slower,” you’re feeling a little woozy as well, equally overwhelmed. “You’re just saying this because you didn’t expect to see me—” 

“You’re deflecting, again.” 

“I’m scared, okay?” you blurt, throwing your hands in the air. “You’re right, this is all so sudden. So can’t we just start being friends and see if it takes us somewhere? You don’t have to win me over, just support me like I’ll support you.” 

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook moves up the bed, so he’s leaning against the headboard as well. His long legs stretch farther than yours, and it feels oddly domestic as you talk it out and stare at the television screen. “I’m just, worried I’m running out of time.” 

“I'm not going anywhere this time.” 

“I know,” Jungkook shakes his head, ridding himself of his torrid thoughts. Conceding, he gestures to the television, pulling out the remote under your pillow, “wanna watch television, or catch up?” 

You last about an hour until you knock out. However, Jungkook keeps you entertained up until that moment, as you exchange your lives and stresses. Everything meshes together, you’re not sure if it’s the charm that comes with late night talks, but you feel like you can talk to Jungkook about anything if given the time. You melt when he strokes your hair till the last minute, wishing you a goodnight and a promise of more. 

“Okay, I’ve gone over most of the work ethics in the manual,” you smile nervously when you see your glazed over recruits, nearly falling off their chairs. Even Krystal is bored out of her mind, discreetly playing with her phone in the back under her manual. Of course you’d get stuck with teaching the boring classes. “Any last minute questions before we head off for dinner?” 

Tzuyu shoots her hand up, “Are romantic relationships allowed in the workplace?” 

Jungkook promptly chokes on his water bottle. He looks up at you, panicked. Ignoring his terror, you paint on a thin smile towards the young woman, “Like I mentioned earlier, romantic relationships between employees are not frowned upon, so long as you’re not working under or over someone in the same department.” 

“Right, just wanted to make sure,” Tzuyu is all chipper smiles as she thanks you.  

If you were still twenty-one, you’d gag at the pointed look she sends Jungkook. They’re sitting diagonal from each other, and Jungkook makes a point to pretend to be interested in your lecture until the very end. 

You’re halfway done with recruitment week, and while you’re not shocked at how fast the week has gone by, you’re fairly disappointed that Jungkook and you haven’t had time to meet up in private. So far it’s been easy enough to keep your friendship (and past sexual relationship) a secret, but something dark and eager tells you how much you want more. The recruiters are eager to leave, all twenty-three of them grouping off and talking about what they want to eat for dinner. Everyone except a certain dark-haired fellow, who’s hair is currently bouncing off it’s styled coiff, wanting to return to it’s normal non-gelled self. 

“Kookie,” you raise a brow at the interaction, Tzuyu leaning over her chair to Jungkook’s, “wanna get dinner tonight?” 

Jungkook’s taking an excruciatingly long time to pack his things, raising a brow at her, “I’ve told you already, I don’t want to be involved in whatever plans you have.” 

“Oh-kay,” Tzuyu rocks back and forth on her oxford heels, pursing her magenta pink lips, “then why don’t we at least walk back to the hotel together? I really want to talk about some things that might change your mind.”

“Nothing will change my mind,” Jungkook’s determined face has been staying strong for the week, from the way he makes sure he’s first in your class to the simple “good morning” and “good night” texts you exchange. “Besides, I have a date tonight. And I really want to talk to the recruiters about a personal work matter, so can you please leave?”  

You try not to snort at how blatant Jungkook was being. You pretend to organize your folders, throwing whatever random notes you have in your bag for later. 

“A date,” she twitches,  “with who?” 

“Someone that doesn’t treat me like a stepping stone in her career path,” Jungkook deadpans, and that’s all it takes for Tzuyu to huff and walk away from the hall. 

You think Tzuyu is like a bug, relatively harmless, but someone who gets on your nerves. 

“A date, huh?” Krystal quotes, finally looking up from her phone. Her sharp, cat-eyes linger at the door, wondering if Tzuyu is going to pop out and try to drag Jungkook by the reins. Finally, she plants her stare between you and Jungkook. “So, you two fucking?” 

“Former fucking,” Jungkook supplies helpfully, and you jump off your podium to elbow him in the ribs, “ow—what?” 

“You just don’t tell Krystal we’re fucking!” 

“Former fucking,” he chastises, but the eyes he sends you are a little sultry, and you wonder if he’s thinking of fucking in the future. You reel yourself back, focusing on the third party.

But you anticipate that Krystal couldn’t care less, and you’re grateful for that. While a smaller work team means a smaller possibility of close work relationships, you do like the drama-free environment. “Like you said,” Krystal shrugs, slinging her briefcase over her shoulder, “romantic relationships in the workplace are not frowned upon.” 

You wring your hands between your bag when Krystal finally makes her getaway, and you look up at Jungkook. “So,” you smile wryly, “you have a date tonight, huh?” 

“With a pretty working woman,” he sighs dramatically, putting a hand over his chest, “that is, if she’ll have me.” 

“Consider yourself taken.”  

Jungkook and you sneak away to your suite once again. To your surprise, the suite is decorated in rose petals and a bottle of champagne sits in an ice bath on your bedside. A large pizza pie sits beautifully on your coffee table, and the television is playing lo-fi hip-hop. 

You feed Jungkook champagne-dipped strawberries as you gorge on the joy that is baked bread and cheese. 

And when he kisses you, it’s slow and sweet, like you have all the time in the world. 

It’s the last day of recruitment week, and all classes ended at noon so the interns can use all the resort’s amenities to the fullest. Many of the interns, including yourself, Jessica and Krystal, are on the rooftop celebrating a successful workweek. Staff and interns alike are buzzing around, eager to top off their weekend with some relaxation and sun. 

Jungkook is with his new team, conversing with other IT employees. You try not to stare too hard at your reignited flame, tipping back a cutely decorated glass of fruit. His arms ripple as he tips back the liquid. He’s wearing a tank top and you could swear his biceps have gotten meatier. Unfortunately you hold yourself back, after all the internship isn’t quite over and you still are a professional. 

At the end of the weekend you really have nothing to worry about, you know that. 

But Tzuyu? She irritating. 

“I just don’t understand,” Tzuyu suspects nothing of your budding relationship with Jungkook. You’re thankful for that because towards the end of the week, it was getting harder and harder to be subtle when you two send each other heart eyes from three meters away. 

Tzuyu sounds like she’s talking to herself, the way she stares into the infinity pool, despite the fact that her friends are surrounding her with rapt attention. You’re a cabana away from her, sipping languidly at your drink while Jessica and Krystal nap next to you. Even though you can’t see Tzuyu, you can practically feel her pout emanating through the fabric that separates you two. Despite the fact that she’s been offered a great intern position given her degree and experience, she’s still upset. For her, is that not the most important part of this whole week? 

“Jungkook’s really not that great if he’s going to turn me down like that,” Tzuyu seethes. You should write up her nonsense in a book and publish it, really. “Why waste time when he has the whole package right in front of him?” 

It’s then you realize why you’ve been so torn, so strung up and wound tight all these years. Just like college, all shy and hesitant to take a step forward while Jungkook was ten steps ahead, you were worried. You let other people’s thoughts stop you from making the leap, girls like Tzuyu that never meant to intimidate you, but you let their presence get up in your head and control the nonexistent hierarchy. 

But two years later, and that doesn’t matter. It never mattered. Jungkook is no longer the all-star lacrosse player, but what remains is his heart, full and willing. 

Everything Tzuyu just said was… wrong. Irrevocably, inexplicably messed up. But the idea of “wasting time” does strike a chord within you. Are you wasting time? At this point, your feelings of each other are pretty clear. What are you two waiting for, again? 

You thought Krystal was sleeping, considering her sunhat sitting atop her face, but once she hears you packing away your bag she whistles, “Go get ‘em, tiger.” 

Sending a quick text to Jungkook, you make a beeline for your destination. You don’t even bother looking for him in the crowd. 

You: meet me by the elevator at the very end of the lobby. 

Not a minute passes by when Jungkook joins you at said elevator. He has two glasses of champagne in his hands, and offers one to you, “tired of the party?” he asks.  

You clink drinks, easily tipping yours back. “It’s not our thing,” you declare with a small smile. Jungkook's eyes soften, glancing back and forth between your face and the soft pleats of your marigold sundress. His hair is pushed back, sticky from sweat and chlorine, dark bangs hanging over the shaved sides of his head. You turn your head slightly as you wait for the elevator, biting your lip as you're sorely reminded of how sexy Jungkook looked at the dive pool half an hour ago. 

The elevator dings, and it’s wide enough for you to slip in at the same time. You put your champagne glass in the corner of the elevator for now, hoping you don’t accidentally step on it. In closed quarters, you can smell the slight tang of chlorine coming from Jungkook, combined with his own brand of musk. 

Jungkook looks younger tonight, happier. Having just finished graduate school and working towards a full-time gig, another chapter in his life has started. His hair is no longer in that tight-whipped coiff he struggled all week to maintain, loosened in its natural wave due to the pool water and heat. His cheeks are a little ruddied and plump, a sign he’s been enjoying the food this week. 

The door barely closes when you get it out, pulling at his hand to face you.

“Jungkook, I like you,” you blurt, and his eyes bug out considerably. Out of reflex, his hand sharply squeezes yours. “You don’t have to say anything, because you’ve been saying everything for the majority of our relationship. I really like you, I really liked you back then too. You’re still so sweet, and loving, and smart and I’ve just been too dumb and insecure to—” 

Jungkook seals your confession away with a desperate kiss, and you turn into a pile of mush at the contact. Relief seeps into your bones, sings into your system. When he pulls away, he looks serious. He doesn’t let you get far, and clutches your face between his two hands so you can’t turn your head. Your soft cheeks fill between his fingers, warm and cradled. 

“Never call yourself that,” Jungkook exhales, regarding you with firm eyes, “you’re beautiful, and intelligent, and the person I want.” 

“I don’t wanna take it slow anymore,” you mumble against his lips, leaning in so that you can barely nip at the pink skin. “Want you now, need you now.” 

“You have me now,” Jungkook agrees, and as soon as the elevator dings open to your floor, he scoops you up into his arms. 

By all means it’s not graceful, he’s clutching you like a baby with his hands over your butt as he jiggles you all the way to your front door. Clinging onto him like a koala, you press kisses to his cheeks as he leads you to your room. You laugh and giggle like teenagers, as he fumbles between your breast to grab the card key that’s nestled between your bra. It’s warm in his hand as he swipes it through the reader, pushing you inside. 

“Is it bad that I’m kinda turned on by the fact you got my key out of my boob?” you joke, although the contact of his rough fingers against your breast is a feeling well missed. 

“Is it bad that I’m always turned on when you lecture in seminars?” Jungkook retorts, kicking the door closed with his slipper-clad foot as he walks you to the bed. “Fuck, I can hear you talk about insurance benefits all day.” 

“Didn’t know my sex appeal extended that way—oh fuck—” 

Your vibrant marigold sundresses provides easy access to Jungkook as he throws you onto the mattress, your skirt billowing over your waist as he makes quick work to expose more of your skin. 

“No more talking, more loving,” he’s crazed, doesn’t hesitate to move your bikini bottoms to the side as he rubs lovingly at your long-lost bud, “need to fuck you, now. It’s been so fucking long.” 

“Kook,” his breath is warm against your already sopping cunt, and you lift your hand to run through the strands of his messy hair. It only takes one firm tug and you’re able to pull him up by the root of his hair, cranberry juice tinted lips with a faint sheen because he couldn’t help himself to have a little taste of you. “Baby, let me touch you. Let me show you how much I want you," you coo with a pout, hands trailing over the drawstrings of his trunks.

You can see how much Jungkook wants to say yes. His eyes glow with the possibility, bright and wanting in the afternoon sunlight. The image of him shoving his cock deep into your throat, so far that you can taste it in every crevice of your mouth. Your nails gripping into his ass as you go deeper, tears pricking your eyes as cum seeps out of your pretty lips. 

But he firmly shakes his head, fingers doing the devil’s work as he eases a digit in you. A little noise of protest bubbles in your throat, but it soon dies out as soon as he finds the right spot to reduce you to mush. 

“Next time,” he exhales against the juncture between your thigh and pelvis, picking up the pace and adding another finger, “if you touch me, I’ll cum right then n’there. This is enough for me, you’re enough.” 

So you let him have what he wants. You’ll make it up to him in the morning, and the day after, and the day after. You shed your clothes, the sundress extra forgiving as it slides off your body, revealing a swimsuit that hasn’t even touched the pool. You feel a little self-conscious as he drinks you in after so long, but he quickly shucks off his clothes to match your state of nakedness. 

You remember how you tiptoed around your first night with Jungkook, taking great care to make sure it was fleeting, how dark the room was as you let your pleasure take over your senses. Two years later and the sun is setting, gold bleeding through your sheets and illuminating the room. There's no need to hide.

“I must say, we’ve both kept it tight,” Jungkook teases with a wink, squeezing your hips so he can change positions. 

You silently agree, your fingers slipping across the washboard of his waist. 

“Mm, and still so fuckin’ cute,” Jungkook marvels as he pulls you up on his lap. Your whole body is flushed with want, one hand squeezing your breasts while the other plays with the curls of hair that lead to your sopping wetness. You glide your core over Jungkook’s stomach, sighing as you take note of the abs that clench under your heat and his hot member that rubs between your ass. 

It’s a tight fit when you finally sink down on him, but the burn only fuels your desire as he stretches you wide. His grip is helpful as he guides you through the motions. It’s been awhile since you’ve been this physical with someone, and it’s almost comical when you both sigh in contentment at the contact. 

“I’ve missed this,” you mumble, biting into his shoulder as he thrusts up. 

“Mm, it feels different, right?” Jungkook hums, keeping a slow pace. The drag is wonderful, and you know that he’s trying to prolong the moment. He reaches for your head, presses his forehead to yours as he speaks, “you’re mine now, right? For real.” 

“I’m all yours, Jungkook,” you press kisses everywhere. No need to hide anymore. You bleed love into every kiss, to his jawline, the little freckles across his chin, his lips. “This is romantic and all, but I really want you to dick me down. Which is why you need to go a little faster, you sap.” 

Jungkook scoffs, “A pillow princess is what you are.” 

He stops moving, and you two sink further into the mattress without its springs bringing you back up. The both of you are acutely aware of how wet you both are, your combined arousals seeping between your seams and dripping onto Jungkook’s thighs. But the young man simply relaxes against the headboard, baiting you. 

“Kook,” you whine, clenching against his member. Your hot walls have a mind of their own, unable to stifle their desire. Sweat lines Jungkook’s brow as he tries his hardest not to move, just simply be. 

“Tell me how much you want me, princess,” the pet name has you clenching harder, and you pout. 

“Baby,” you whine, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. There’s no one in the room, and you’re sure no one is on this floor because everyone’s on the rooftop, but the words you’re about to say are for Jungkook and Jungkook only, “please, I want you to pound me into this mattress until I can’t walk anymore. I want to cry out your name so everyone can hear I’m yours. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” you nip at his lobe, and let your thumb nick at the simple silver rings that adorn his ear. You hear a click of his teeth, indicating the clench of his jaw as his muscles flex around your body, "I want you to fill me with your cum until I’m eating it, and—and—oh Kook!” 

Your words aren’t enough to distract you from his large dick sitting prettily between your folds, and you’re suddenly cumming, all by the mere thought of what’s to happen. You’re shuddering in his arms, and Jungkook soothes you by running his fingers over the spine of your back, distracting you from the utter mess you’re making on the sheets. 

“Such a good girl,” Jungkook coddles you, stroking your hair, “can my good girl take it?” 

“Y-yes, Kook,” you nod eagerly, fighting the overstimulation as he nudges you off his lap. You’re pliable, as Jungkook sets up the pillows for you to rest comfortably as you get on your elbows and knees, “your good girl.” 

You shudder as your bare pussy starts to feel cold, immediately missing the warmth Jungkook can provide. You can practically feel his hot gaze burning in your back, his large palm squeezing your ass as he marvels at how ready and eager you are for him. 

“It’s so easy to slip inside,” Jungkook rubs your nectar across the head of his cock, swirling around your engorged skin as he slips right inside. You both moan at the stretch, “Finally, my adorable baby, you like this? You like getting pounded like the dirty girl you really are?” 

“Mm, yes!” you squeal, clutching onto the feather down pillows for dear life as Jungkook displays his strength, one hand gripping your hips as the other weaves itself into your hair. It’s a delicious mix of pleasure and pain, and the lewd sounds of each other’s juices and his balls against your ass echoing in the room. 

“Y-yeah,” despite his power, his thrusts are sloppy, and you know he’s almost at the edge, “and I like you, so so much. I want to make you cum everyday, make you happy and—mph—” he gives up on talking, focusing entirely on his destination. 

“Cum, baby,” you urge, melting when his one hand comes to thread with your own, “fill me up with you.” 

He flips you on your back, and you finally see how desperate Jungkook is to cum. His eyes are glassy, filled with emotion as he strokes himself to completion. Your hand reaches up to cup his damp face, and that’s when you feel him loosen. Hot, pearly strings cling to your pussy, decorating your skin in his essence. Your fingers immediately reach down to swirl the cum between your folds, and Jungkook groans at the picture, immediately throwing your hands to the side to kiss you senseless. 

There’s so much pouring between the two of you, affection, the feeling of being cherished, so much that you can feel the whole world reducing to the two of you. 

“All mine,” he whispers to himself, as if he still can’t believe it. And then, he puts up a poker face as he leans into you, resting his head gently on your breasts, “I knew I only needed a week.”

You narrow your eyes, flicking lightly at his forehead. You’re sticky, sweaty, and covered in cum and while you’re exhausted, the built in jacuzzi in your washroom looks very enticing right now. “Jungkook, this happened naturally. I said we would try as friends first and we did. We just so happened to escalate pretty fast.” 

“I don’t think it was that fast,” Jungkook nuzzles his face into your skin, “it’s been two years since college. Being popular did do a number on our relationship, but we caught up." 

“You were popular-ish,” you roll your eyes, teasing him. His face falls, and you can’t help yourself. Your hands reach over to cup his cheeks, and you happily squish the supple, pouty flesh. He’s adorable. “Kim Taehyung though? Park Jimin? Absolute heartthrobs I couldn’t stand to be near them—ah!” 

Jungkook seems to read your mind, lifting you bridal style to drag you over to the bathroom where the marble jacuzzi sits tauntingly. The stone is ice cold as he brings you both inside, immediately turning on the nozzles to fill it with steaming hot water. You find the tiny bottle of lavender suds, spilling the soap in an arc. His legs slip over yours, cradling you so that your back is pressed against Jungkook’s chest. 

“Being popular never mattered,” Jungkook shakes his head, pressing a kiss to your jaw, “I realized the only person who I really needed to notice me was you.” 

bonus. 

You wake Jungkook up the next morning with your lips wrapped around his cock, fresh cherry balm rubbing down the thick veins until he's cumming down your throat. 

"Wow," Jungkook whistles, licking his lips at the sight of you sucking the arousal from your thumb. He huffs against the pillow, eyes darting to the open organza window, letting in the early morning light. The rooftop of a multi-star hotel, white Egyptian cotton seats, a full time job on the way and waking up in the most blissful way possible. 

"I have a proposal," you crawl on top of him like a koala, hooking your thighs between his blanket clad body. 

"I do," he replies instantly, looking straight at you with droopy puppy eyes.

"Not that kind," you slap his chest, "where are you living once orientation is over?" 

"Mm, there's a boarding house near a local translation. It's probably an hour commute? Not too bad." 

"So, I just leased a townhouse last month," you bite your lip, tucking your head between his neck to hide your embarrassment, "I was gonna rent out the spare room and put an advert in the paper but…"

"I do."

"I said it isn't a marriage proposal."

"Asking you to live with me is basically a marriage proposal."

"There will be no benefits," you sit up, wagging a finger in his face, "you'll be paying rent and half the utilities. And you will be doing all the laundry." 

"Sure," Jungkook replies loftily, squeezing your ass, "you're benefit enough." 

[beyondspaceandstars]

Alone For The Holidays

Part 2: Christmas

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: N/A Summary: Neighbors!AU - After you and Bucky spent Thanksgiving together, your relationship began to blossom and Bucky brings up the idea of spending Christmas Day together. A/N: as promised here is the bonus christmas part of Alone For the Holidays! read part one here if you’re interested :)

Part 1 | Masterlist

Following your Thanksgiving dinner, you and Bucky went on a number of official dates. They were unlike anything you ever could’ve fantasized. He was so kind, gentle, always attentive, and a wonderful listener. Your dates had been simple — trips to coffee shops or aimlessly walking around the mall — but with Bucky by your side, every moment felt like you had hit the jackpot.

There was just something about him that made you fall even harder, something you didn’t think was possible. Your crush on him had already burned so bright and fast but now, with your relationship with him, it was love burning between you two.

But for as excited as you were about your new relationship when the holiday of Christmas came lingering, you got a bit nervous. Would Bucky actually want to spend Christmas with you? You two were yet to discuss any plans you had. While you had nowhere to be December 25th, you couldn’t say the same for Bucky. You were just itching to know what he had planned. And even more eager to plan something for you two. Maybe it was selfish, but you had enjoyed Thanksgiving with him and didn’t see why that shouldn’t continue into Christmas.

You tried to casually bring it up one day while you two were going on your regular stroll through the mall. Being so cold in the city, you had found browsing storefronts was quite nice. Not to mention that many of the window displays were decked out for the holiday, making Christmas a natural conversation topic.

At least, you hoped.

"That’s a really cute snowman," you said as you pointed to a candle store that had stacked white candles into a (very lumpy) snowman. It was completed with black candles for the eyes and buttons along with an orange one acting as the nose.

Bucky chuckled and intertwined your hands. "It is sort of charming."

You felt your neck get warm as you moved onto the next store. So far, so good. He liked snowmen so that was nice but you hadn’t gotten the right confidence to casually bring up spending Christmas together. You had dreamed of having a nice, traditional Christmas again.

You two passed by an exceptionally cute display depicting reindeers having a snowball fight. You awed.

"Those reindeers are just adorable, don’t you think?" You asked Bucky, your eyes getting wide, expectantly. Bucky tilted his head, thinking for a second as he analyzed the store window. You could practically feel the moment the ex-assassin caught on. It came at pretty much no surprise to you. Over your past few weeks together he had proven to still be as sharp as a tack despite being free from his past.

Bucky turned towards you, suspicion was written on his face. "Everything okay, doll?"

You felt your face get unbelievably warm. "Y-Yeah, why?"

"You keep asking me if I like Christmas characters."

"Well, I’m just checking. You know some people don’t—,"

"I like Christmas and the characters that come with it," Bucky said, a small smile forming on his lips. "I’d probably love Christmas if I could spend it with you."

You stopped dead in your tracks. What? How had he figured it out? Your jaw went slack as you were now seriously blushing.

"I-I didn’t say…"

Bucky let out a chuckle. "I know, honey, but I had a feeling you were working up to something." He paused. His cheeks were now getting red, too. "And I wanted to ask if you’d like to spend Christmas together."

Your wide-eyed shock turned into a pleased smile. "Really?"

"Of course," he said. "So… Do you… Do you want to? We can… I don’t know, how do you celebrate Christmas?"

"Well, when I was younger I vaguely remember my parents used to drink eggnog while we watched Christmas movies after opening presents."

You swore you saw Bucky’s eyes twinkle at that. Suddenly, you started backpedaling, already suspecting what he was planning. "I- But that does not mean presents, Bucky, I swear—,"

"Too late," he laughed with a shrug before taking your hand in his once again. You too continued your stroll around the mall but now instead of just a casual day out, your brain was wrecked with thoughts of what to get Bucky. Because Lord knows that little shit was going to blow it all out of the waters.

*** As predicted, Bucky arrived at your apartment door the morning of Christmas Day with gifts. They didn’t appear to be anything large and extravagant, more like stocking stuffers, but that didn’t matter. The fact he went out of his way to buy you anything just made your heart sing. You only hoped your gifts to him would stack up to what he had for you.

You had had an interesting time trying to get him a present. What do you give a man who was raised decades ago but now has to navigate life in the 2020s? You were eventually pleased with what you had settled on but you secretly have been praying since the day you bought them that he’d find them as endearing as well.

"Merry Christmas," Bucky said as he entered your apartment. You smiled as you watched him carefully place your gifts under your small Christmas tree.

"Merry Christmas," you responded before heading back into the kitchen. You were preparing a little breakfast for you two. Something simple: a spread of eggs, bacon, toast, and sausage. All freshly prepared. You hadn’t served Bucky a frozen meal since that Thanksgiving afternoon where it all began.

You heard Bucky enter the kitchen behind you. Seconds later, two arms were wrapped around your waist and he was placing his head on your shoulder. It was an incredibly comfy position, mostly thanks to the fluffy holiday sweater he wore. You had on one as well, but for some reason feeling his engulfed you, making you melt.

"Smells good," Bucky commented as you flipped a piece of bacon. You smiled to yourself, bashfully.

"Thank you," you said. "It should be ready soon. I know breakfast wasn’t exactly on the plans but who can resist Christmas breakfast?"

Bucky chuckled and unwound himself from you. You just about whimpered at the loss of contact until you realized he had abandoned his post to start setting the kitchen island to eat. You could’ve cried, as silly as that sounds. How did you get so lucky? How did you get this domesticity in your life?

"I don’t think anyone can resist Christmas breakfast," Bucky said. "Especially if it’s made by you."

Your neck was getting warm. That was another thing you loved — he appreciated your cooking efforts. He found ways to appreciate almost every little thing about you.

Once the bacon was fried up, you began plating the food. "I never did ask," you began as you scooped eggs into a bowl, "how do you celebrate Christmas?"

Bucky was already situated at the kitchen island when you turned to place the food in front of your plates. He had helped himself to a cup of coffee you had just brewed. He looked a bit lost in thought as he watched the steam rise from your "But first, coffee!" novelty mug.

In fact, he seemed more than just a bit zoned out, you realized as you were able to serve him food without him really flinching. You suddenly felt bad for asking such a question. But then again, you had asked him about Thanksgiving and he responded to that just fine?

It felt like an eternity but he finally started talking once you sat beside him at the island. A familiar feeling washed over you.

"Christmas was typically a big affair in my household. Even bigger than Thanksgiving." Bucky let out a breathy laugh. "The whole family, cousins and all, would get together and we’d exchange gifts. Mom used to make the biggest spread for Christmas lunch. And she… She’d always invite Steve. For all the Christmases I can remember, Steve was there. After lunch, she’d usher us outside so she could clean up. Someone, usually me, would start a snowball fight and then that was it. The whole block got in on it."

The way he talked about back then with such wonder yet familiarity amazed you. You could practically feel like you were there. Just picturing the snowy New York sidewalks being the backdrop to some naughty teens’ snowball fight was incredible.

But your heart also got stuck on how his voice sounded when he mentioned Steve. Steve, the best friend he wasn’t seeing this Christmas. It was like it had finally dawned on him what today was and you felt a bit guilty about that.

"That’s… That sounds really nice, Buck," you said before turning to your plate of food. You took a bite of eggs. "About Steve, I-I’m sorry—,"

Bucky immediately began shaking his head before you could get the apology out. What you were apologizing for, you weren’t even sure.

"There’s nothing to be sorry for," he insisted. "I’m incredibly happy here, spending this day with you. It’s perfect."

You forced yourself not to playfully roll your eyes. "We haven’t even eaten breakfast yet. Here you go again declaring things lovely and perfect prematurely."

"When I look at you and take in everything around me in this moment, I know I’m not jumping the gun."

That declaration made your heart skip a couple of beats. You thought you were going to pass out. You directed your attention back to the food to keep yourself from just tackling him in a hug. How did he manage to get everything so right? Maybe he was your perfect Christmas gift.

You two soon fell into a comfortable silence and finished your hearty breakfast. You shared little conversation here and there. It was nice and simple. That was all you really wanted, really. A simple day in with the man you were quickly becoming to love. The crush has morphed exponentially, clearly.

One dishwashing session and a couple of coffees later, you began getting items out for eggnog. Bucky looked at the bottle of whiskey sitting on the counter, suspiciously.

“Would you like your eggnog spiked or not spiked?” You asked.

Bucky frowned. “What? It’s like ten in the morning.”

“Okay, and? It’s Christmas! Jesus birthday!" You waved your arms around dramatically. "We gotta celebrate somehow. I think it’d be incredibly rude if he saw us drinking regular eggnog.”

Bucky looked like he wanted to fight you more on it but eventually, he gave in. "Alright. Hand me some spiked eggnog."

After the drinks were made, you two moved into the living room. Bucky and you eyed the gifts, silently communicating what was coming next. You felt like a little kid all giddy from just the idea of getting a gift as Bucky handed you your boxes. Once you both had your corresponding presents, you made yourself comfortable in front of the tree.

You sipped your eggnog and motioned towards Bucky. "I insist you open one of yours first."

"Really?" Bucky chuckled uneasily. "Nothing like putting the pressure on."

You giggled, probably thanks to the nice helping of whiskey in your eggnog. "No, I’m just kind of excited for you to open it. Or maybe that’s nervousness I’m feeling. I can’t tell the difference right now."

Bucky picked a gift and gave it a little shake. It didn’t rattle but that was good — it wasn’t meant to. Slowly, Bucky peeled back the wrapped paper and you held your breath. Once it was all off, he opened the box and peeked inside. At first, he looked a little confused and you started to get nervous… But then a smile began creeping upon his lips and his eyes shined with an unreadable but happy emotion.

"An e-reader?" Bucky asked as he took the device out of its box. He ran his hand over the sleek screen and turned it over, weighing it, as if contemplating. You couldn’t help the smile that was now forming on your face. You were actually excited, you finally determined.

You had settled on an e-reader for one of his gifts after seeing the rows and rows and rows of books at his place. It had been hard to ignore all of them in his apartment one night after you two went out for dinner. There were books of all kinds but mainly fantasy and sci-fi. He had new editions, old editions. Hardcover and paperback. Used and fresh. You know he loved reading and treasured his books but maybe this would be a bit more convenient, especially when traveling.

"Is… Is it okay?" You finally asked. It was a borderline dumb question but you needed to hear the verbal affirmation. "I just saw all the books you had and thought maybe this would be useful. You can download so many books and carry it wherever you go. Your whole library could sit on there if you wanted, really. I hope I didn’t overstep or- or something—,"

Bucky cut you off by placing a hand on your knee. You tensed up at the touch, eyes wide as you watched him. He looked so…grateful.

"Honey, this is amazing," he said. "Thank you so much."

You let out a sigh of relief. "I’m so glad you like it."

Bucky gave you a quick peck on the cheek before putting his present back in the box. He motioned towards your gifts. "Your turn, doll."

You looked at the gifts in front of you. You decided to go with the one to your left first. It was a bit heavy, surprisingly. You also gave it a shake but didn’t hear much. Bucky was watching you closely. He looked a bit funny but you had no doubt you appeared a bit wild while watching him open his first gift. Just as slowly as he had, you pulled back the wrapping paper only to be greeted by a brown box. Once you got through the tape, you found… a bottle open. One of those easy, electronic bottle openers meant for more efficient wine serving.

You let out a joyous laugh at realizing what your present was. "Bucky, this is too fancy, I could never!"

Bucky shrugged. "I think it’s perfect for you and all those bottles of wines I saw at Thanksgiving."

You bit your lip. "You saw that?" When he nodded, you sighed, "I guess guilty as charge. This is wonderful, Bucky, thank you so much. It definitely will be put to good use."

"That’s all I ask for."

You placed the bottle opener back in the box then clapped your hands together. "Alright, mister, onto your next one."

Bucky opened his second gift with the same delicacy as the first. But when the gift revealed itself and Bucky started processing what it was you swore he was going to cry. Or laugh, maybe. There was a bit of a combination of both happening in front of you.

Eventually, Bucky said, "Polisher?"

"Okay, maybe it’s dumb—,"

"No, it’s clever."

"Whatever," you said as you rolled your eyes with the widest grin. "I just noticed that sometimes  you clean your arm, the, um, metal one, with just a rag and I don’t know. Maybe I stupidly thought you’d like some polisher to really clean it. Make it all nice. Is that ridiculous? It’s kind of ridiculous. I really butchered this didn’t I—,"

Bucky cut you off this time by placing a kiss on your lips. A real, passionate, lovely kiss. You moaned in surprise as his lips moved with yours. You had never anticipated a make-out in front of a Christmas tree but it was insanely perfect, to use Bucky’s term.

He broke the kiss after what felt like an eternity later. "It’s not ridiculous. It’s thoughtful and useful." He paused, another smirk was coming up on his lips. "It’s also kind of funny but that’s what makes it great, too."

You blushed. "Well, I’m glad I did okay with the gifts then."

Bucky nodded then pushed your other present to you. It was light and thin, about the size of a card. "Your turn, again."

You didn’t bother shaking it and just dove into unwrapping it. Your excitement wavered a little bit when you read what it was. A certificate for a cooking class… A cooking class? Was he trying to tell you something? You looked up at Bucky, silently asking what this was.

He must’ve seen the panic on your face because he immediately began explaining. "No, no, it’s not a cooking class as in like you’re bad at cooking — God why did I do this? — If you read on it’s a couple’s cooking class. It’s for us to do together."

You scanned over the certificate and realized he was right. "Oh—,"

"It’s so we can learn to cook together as, like, a team, or something…" Bucky admitted shyly. "I just didn’t want you to have to do all the work in the kitchen. I want us to do it together."

You sighed. "Oh, Bucky… This is too thoughtful. I love it, thank you so much." And truly you did, once the confusion was resolved. This was going to be so nice, you just knew it. You looked at the certificate again and noted the date of the class. It was on Valentine’s Day. You could’ve exploded right then and there.

"I’m glad you enjoyed all your presents," Bucky said. "I’ll admit, I scrambled with them. I just… I wanted it to be good. To be nice. Because that’s what you deserve. A nice Christmas."

Scratch that, you were going to explode. "Being here with you is also enough for me. Thank you, Bucky. You were right. Today is perfect."

You both looked like you were going to cry which made you laugh to yourself. To prevent either of you from just bawling your eyes out, you began cleaning up and told Bucky to pull up Netflix for a Christmas movie.

You had just finished shoving the wrapping paper in the garbage when Bucky called out. "Doll, I almost forgot, I have one more gift for you."

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you went back into the living room. Bucky was standing by the tree. How The Grinch Stole Christmas was queued up on the television.

"Another gift?" You asked. "But, I-I don’t have another one for you."

Bucky shook his head. "Not necessary. Besides, this one is more like a gift for both of us."

You didn’t know if that made you more confused or unreasonably hot. "Okay…"

He motioned towards your Christmas tree. "Notice anything different?"

Your eyes raked over the tree. You had decorated it yourself and while it wasn’t very show-stopping, you were still proud of it. You had bought it a bit impulsively one winter and filled it with the most generic silver ornaments. That’s how you were able to notice the one ornament that hadn’t come in the bulk box you had bought years ago. No, this one depicted two snowmen standing on a hill. Beneath it read "First Christmas together" in the loveliest font. Someone had taken it upon themselves to write your name on one snowman and Bucky’s on the other. It was hard to stop the waterworks now.

"Bucky, you didn’t…" You mumbled in between sniffles. Bucky threw his arm around you, pulling you into him.

"I know we haven’t been together long but I still this was monumental enough for its own ornament," he explained. "Even figured out how to use that Etsy site to buy it. I just thought it’d be special because while I cherish this Christmas, I want many more with you."

"Thank you," you said because, honestly, you didn’t know what else to say. You were at a complete loss of words for how lucky you had gotten. Maybe the cycle of lonely holidays was breaking. "I want all your Christmases."

Bucky let out a light laugh at your sentiment. "More than happy to give them to you, doll," he said. "More than happy."

[ptergwen]

from one kid to another

w/c: 6.0k

warnings: mentions of drinking, lots of swearing, implied smut, and angst at times

summary: it was a mistake, a beautiful one that you didn’t make on your own

a/n: this genuinely is my favorite thing i’ve ever written :,) i say that a lot but this time i mean it, it’s really special i think and i so so so hope y’all do too <3 enjoy my loves

-

there’s only one thing in life that testing positive for is actually positive.

depending on the situation, obviously. yours isn’t ideal, or planned or a blessing or whatever people say. it’s a gigantic mistake that you didn’t realize you made until a minute ago.

you’d noticed something was wrong when your time of the month came and all you experienced was the symptoms. cramps, cravings, everything except your actual period. as everyone is pretty much taught to do, you ran to the closest drug store for a pregnancy test. what the hell else could it be? you messed around a few weeks ago, so there’s a possibility.

your heart felt like it was going to explode out of your chest the whole time you waited for the results. you’d thought of calling tom over for support, but there are a couple of reasons why you couldn’t do that. you realized you made the right decision when your timer for the test went off.

two red lines. you’re pregnant. you’re pregnant, and your best fucking friend is the father.

where do you go from here?

the test falls from your hand and hits the floor with a mocking clank. you slide down until your back is against the bathtub. well, you’re fucked. what an ironic word choice.

the fact that you aren’t ready in the slightest to be a parent when you’re still growing up yourself is one thing. it’s another that this could ruin the most important relationship you’ve ever had.

no, tom won’t be mad. he’s never once fought with or even raised his voice at you. in your times of need, he’s been the one to uplift you and kiss your puffy cheeks dry. no matter how he takes this, you know it won’t be out on you. he is half responsible.

but, with how you left things the last time you spoke, you’re not sure you’ll be able to get past it.

tom is alarmingly good at hiding how he truly feels. you always tease him that it’s because he’s a gemini. he’ll come back with shut up, i’m an actor and stick his nose in the air to give you the full image. in all seriousness, it does take a toll on how well he can communicate.

you’ve seen it in small ways, like when he brings you along for press days and uses unenthusiastic smiles to cover up his yawns. how he’ll be polite in a conversation with people he’d rather not speak to, then mumble about it once you’re home. he tries to put forward the “appealing” parts of himself even though he’s more than them.

tom’s biggest communication issue is that he’s been in love with you since year nine and hasn’t said a word about it. you’ve yet to figure that one out.

you two became friends while tom was starring in billy elliot. his schedule was so scattered between shows and school, so he struggled to balance both. he often had to stay late for extra help on the lessons. you’d also been there a few times. you worked better in the classroom, and he was grateful he didn’t have to be alone with the teacher.

most kids made fun of tom for his interest in theater, to his face and behind his back. not you. you thought it was just incredible that someone in your own classes worked at the west end. you’d told him on your way home one night.

he’d heard you before he saw you. “you’re tom, right?” you asked from behind him, the two of you making your way through the hall. the question sounded friendly, and it wasn’t every day kids were nice to him. tom stopped walking so you could catch up. “yes, and you are?” you gave him a small smile, books clutched to your chest. he instantly returned it.

“y/n. i heard you’re in billy elliot?” you laughed at your understatement, then corrected yourself. “that you are billy elliot, i mean. that’s so cool.” “oh, i am. thank you,” he chuckled back, a full grin taking over his face. you were both walking again, you by tom’s side. “i was hoping to come see you soon.” your voice got quieter as you told him, like you were nervous.

tom never had much luck with girls, not at this point in his life. this was an opportunity to change that. at the very least, to make a new friend. he offered something you said yes to without a beat of hesitation. “what if i got you the tickets?”

from then on, you began talking during class and not only when it ended. tom really knew how to keep the conversation going, telling story after story that left you laughing so much your teacher would shush you. you’d eventually moved to hangouts at either of your houses. harrison came into the mix at some point, the three of you forming your own group.

the difference between tom and harrison was that while harrison linked with other girls, tom was only interested in you. he’d gotten a crush on you pretty fast, if he was being honest. it might have been your shared sense of humor or the way you said his name.

thomas, when he was being cheeky. tommy, which took the place of a pet name. even regular tom. that might have been his favorite. he loved how it rolled off your tongue. he loved, and still loves, you.

you’d gone to all of tom’s performances you possibly could, the ones for school theater included. you also gave him the push to take his talents to hollywood. tom was afraid he wasn’t cut out for the big screen, that he needed more practice and experience first. you told him that if this was what he wanted to do, he had to start somewhere. why wait?

tom then landed his first movie role in the impossible at the age of fifteen. he’d received tons of praise and almost gotten nominated for an academy award, all because you convinced him to audition. you played a huge part in keeping him grounded when he was between films, and caught him up on whatever schoolwork he’d missed.

you practically zoomed to tom’s house when he was announced as the next spider-man. you’d been constantly refreshing every social media platform marvel was on since tom became a finalist for the part. that process was probably the most difficult experience he’s ever gone through. you’d know, having heard all about it from tom.

the two of you celebrated along with the rest of tom’s family that night. you kept giving him little proud of you squeezes on his shoulder or knee. tom is eternally indebted to you for being the most supportive of everything he does.

he of course sends the support right back. although he went down the movie star path, acting wasn’t for you. you’d gone off to university and studied hard as hell and aced all your shit. tom quizzed you on material whenever you needed. he wanted to help you somehow, and this was all you’d let him do.

he’d offered to pay off your loans and any other expenses necessary because he had the money to do that now. you refused every single time, not trying to become dependent on him. he admired your drive, yet hated it at the same time. everything you’d done for him, it was his turn to be the caretaker. it should’ve been.

whenever tom wrapped filming for the holidays and came back home, you were always preparing for final exams. he kept you company, content with simply being in your presence. you typed away on your keyboard and read over notes until your eyes burned. tom occasionally brought you snacks, tea, asked how you were and what he could do.

sometimes, he would have to cut your study time short. he’d say it wasn’t healthy or you were overdoing it and to come relax with him for a bit. other times, tom let you be. he didn’t want to get in the way of your already stressful assignments. those were the nights you’d fall asleep in front of your laptop. drool on your chin, hunched over at your desk.

tom made sure to tuck you in, press a light kiss to whatever part of your face wasn’t covered in spit, then let himself out. he knew where your spare key was, so he used that. you’d wake up to a “Fell asleep studying again. Rest today x” text the next morning.

when it came time for you to graduate, tom was on the first flight there. it was during another round of reshoots for chaos walking. he respectfully told doug that he’d have to work around his schedule or replace him, which couldn’t be done so late into filming. tom didn’t care that it made him seem like a prick. he was getting to you no matter what he had to do.

he’d earned plenty of stares and whispers from people as he took his seat in the crowd. he was a proper celebrity now, so he expected it. his solution was to ignore everything and chat with your family about how proud they were of you, tom the most. he saw you go from a kid attempting algebra equations to an adult at her uni graduation. you’ve really grown up together.

it was why he teared up hearing them call your name, seeing you beam as you walked across the stage. your mom grabbed his hand and nodded at him, like she could tell exactly what was going through his head.

you ran right up to tom after the ceremony was over, leaping into his arms. he let out a couple of chuckles as he spun you around. “i didn’t think you’d make it,” you’d admitted, happy yet sad tears in your eyes. tom put you down so he could pull you in for a real hug. “i’ll always be wherever you are, y/n,” he said into your ear, rocking you while you gripped at his suit collar.

flash forward to a year later, your career is finally taking off, tom’s is flourishing like it has been for years, and you’re pregnant with his child. you’re trying to recall the series of events that led you to this moment.

you were both drunk, blackout drunk because the only reason you remember sleeping together is that you woke up naked in the same bed. harrison’s bed.

he threw a housewarming party for himself, having recently moved out of tom’s and the other boys’ place. the three of them, sam, and you were all in attendance, along with a lot of others you hadn’t met.

neither you nor tom could figure out where he knew all those people from. he’d clinged to you two for the most part, more so you now with tom usually away. they could have been from work. harrison is breaking into the business himself, small roles here and there. tom actually met him in your school’s theater program, then he introduced him to you, ten years ago already.

sam entertained himself by making concoctions with the snacks harrison set out. harry got together a playlist for the party. harrison and tuwaine struck up a conversation with some of harrison’s actor friends. that left you and tom alone, out of stuff to do, and with one way to fix it.

“drink?” tom had asked you, a smirk playing on his lips. “love one,” you hummed back and set off for the kitchen. the two of you raided harrison’s liquor cabinet, grabbing his biggest bottle of wine. he’d dumbly pointed it out during the house tour he gave you before the other guests arrived.

you were about to search for glasses, but tom’s fingers threaded through yours. he gently tugged you away and nodded behind him. “let’s bring this upstairs. seems much more fun there,” he’d murmured over the music, a grin breaking across your face.

tom is big on clubbing and socializing, however, you aren’t. he comes up with ways to get you out of these events, just in case.

“we can break in harrison’s bed for him,” you said as a completely harmless joke, no intentions of that becoming your reality later on. spoiler alert: it did. “and how are we gonna do that?” tom quirked a suggestive eyebrow and breathed out a laugh as you dragged him towards the stairs. despite yourself, you’d giggled at his words.

not one drink in either of you yet, and you were stumbling and cracking up as you ran upstairs. you’d pulled tom by your still attached hands into what you remembered as harrison’s room. tom shut the door, locked it, saying under his breath that would be a “convenient investment” for him to make as well.

he took out a bottle opener that he must have put in his pocket at some point and got to work on your wine, you getting comfortable on the new mattress. the two of you passed it to the other after every sip, tom licking the taste of your lip gloss off his own lips every so often.

the equivalent of three drinks in, you were making out. both of you were just tipsy at this point, tom holding you by your hips as you lied down, your legs around his waist. god, he could’ve done this sober. he’d dreamed about kissing you, really kissing you since he was fourteen. you’d always felt like you two had something more. ah, there it was.

halfway through the bottle got you past the next two bases, and you were ready for the fourth and ultimate one by the time you shook the last few drops onto the tip of your tongue. tom groaned at the sight of that, drawing your half naked body in closer to his.

you two had forgotten to use protection in each of your drunken states. without a doubt, you both would’ve agreed to a condom had your minds not been everywhere but where they should have.

you’d woken up first the morning after, panic immediately coursing through your veins thicker than blood. a fully nude and sleeping tom had you in his embrace, arms secured around your middle, facing you. you gasped when you made the connection, loudly enough to wake tom up. his long eyelashes tickled your face, a confused pout on his lips. uh... um...

“did we fucking...” you trailed off, no words to describe whatever unfolded. “fuck?” tom finished for you. a very blunt explanation, but true nevertheless. “looks like it,” he rasped, pout changing into a smile. your face fell at the vague memories of how you spent your night.

you definitely wanted to do it. just, he’s your best friend, who’s seen you at your least sexy moments over the years. when you were sick, had breakdowns from stress, you name literally anything, tom was there. it took one bottle of cheap wine for him to forget that?

the real answer was no. tom is entirely in love with you, for a decade at that. you were beginning to discover you feel the same, only you had no idea he already loves you. you’d assumed this was meant to be merely a hookup. from the frown your face held, he’d thought you were regretting it. oh, were you both so wrong.

“um... we don’t have to talk about it,” tom told you halfheartedly, under the impression that’s what you preferred. you physically felt yourself get weaker in tom’s strong arms. he’s not interested. “yeah, that’s probably for the best. i...” you were lying. his heart shrunk, shriveled up inside his chest. she doesn’t love me like that.

“you have to go. aren’t you behind on some emails?” tom hoped you didn’t hear his voice strain from the tears pushing at his eyes. “right. almost forgot, thanks.” you’d plastered on a smile, slipping out of his grasp. a tear rolled down his cheek, so he wiped it away before you noticed. you’d already gotten out of the bed and begun picking your clothes up off the floor.

“i’ll drive you home, then.” he rolled on to his other side, you thought so he could give you privacy to change. it was that, and also because he was crying. he couldn’t hold it in. tom is naturally an emotional person. imagine finding out the love you’ve had almost half your life is unreciprocated. it’s soul crushing.

you two found harrison snoring and on top of tuwaine as you left the house. no silly remarks or shared glances for the first time in ten years. tom couldn’t muster anything up, and you felt numb.

the drive was painful. you’d said your goodbyes after tom pulled up to the curb, which held an odd weight to them. once you were out of the car, a sob wracked through him, banging on the steering wheel and not giving a shit about the loud horn going off. you collapsed face first onto your bed. hours passed by while you stared at nothing and contemplated everything.

since it happened, you haven’t spoken much. small talk over text every few days or so, both of you pretending things are normal for the other’s sake. about a month later, today, is when you found out you’re pregnant.

there’s no use wallowing in any of this. you need to figure out your next move, one that should probably involve tom. first, you want to talk to someone else. you want other opinions and a voice in your head that isn’t your own. harrison gets a text from you saying to come over now, the now in all caps. he does.

you let him in after the second knock, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. however torn you are, you must look it. shirt balled in your fists, lip quivering. he keeps his eyes on yours as he steps inside, pushing the door shut behind him. this is all becoming too real. “y/n, are you okay?”

you’re about to cry in three, two...

“haz, i fucked up,” you choke out, tears unable to stay at bay. he takes you into his arms for a hug. half your face is hidden in his shoulder, hands clutching at his back. he lets you cry it out, holding you until your heavy breathing steadies. “what’s happened?” harrison asks quietly, both of you leaving the hug.

“if- if i tell you, you can’t freak out. you can’t tell anyone else, either,” you instruct, searching his eyes for certainty that he won’t under any circumstances. “i won’t, y/n/n,” he assures you and puts an encouraging hand on your arm. your heart pounding abnormally fast, you spit it out. your first time saying it aloud. “i’m pregnant.”

harrison flinches and doesn’t even try to conceal it. he takes his hand off of you, worry swimming across his features. he blinks at you, unsure of what to say. you’d react the same way, maybe worse, so you don’t blame him. a discussion you, him, and tom had a couple years back replays in his mind.

the three of you were talking about your futures, seeing as you were close to living them. when tom asked you two where you stood on having your own families, you didn’t hesitate to answer. “nope, the factory is closed for a long ass time.” until you were in your thirties, you aimed to focus on yourself. harrison distinctly remembered because of how you phrased it.

“you’re... you... wow,” is all he replies with. you head over to the couch, more tears welling up in your eyes. do the pregnancy hormones act up this early? harrison follows you over and sits down next to you with an awkward clearing of his throat. “do you want to be pregnant?” he has to ask because he’s not sure if he should congratulate you or what.

“i don’t know,” you answer honestly, voice airy. your eyes are fixed on the wall in front of you. you haven’t given yourself time to think about it. there are so many reasons you don’t, and a single one you do. “do you, um, know who the dad is?” harrison glances over at you. “yeah.” your voice cracks. you’re both afraid for him to ask what he does next.

he shifts so he’s sitting up. “can i know?” a sniffle passing through you, you finally look at him. “it’s tom,” you say it before you lose the nerve to. harrison’s face doesn’t change this time. he isn’t surprised you and tom went there. he’d seen your friendship growing into more the older you all got. what he can’t believe is where it took you.

his best friend pregnant, and his other best friend responsible for it.

“when did you...” “at your party,” you explain, bringing your legs up so they’re criss cross on the couch. “i thought you were gone a little too long.” he says that to try cheering you up. you appreciate the effort, but it doesn’t work. you’re not in a joking mood. he’ll stick to the main issue. “so, have you told him?”

“clearly not,” you scoff, not at him but at what you two have gotten yourselves into. “y/n... i think you should tell him,” harrison sighs out, then adds, “whether you keep it or not.” “why? that would ruin everything, it already has.” you’re getting angry now, which plunges you into angry crying, voice unsteady as you go on.

“the last time i saw tom was that night, and i guess it meant more to me than it did to him because we haven’t talked about it at all. he didn’t want to.” you swipe the back of your hand across your eyes, gaze stern compared to harrison’s soft one.

he drapes an arm around your shoulders, you curling into him with another sniffle. he doesn’t say anything for a minute, then he tries again. “i know you, y/n, and i know tom. you’ll kill yourselves not talking about this.” he’s right, no shit he is. avoiding telling tom how you feel, and your pregnancy on top of that, it’s eating you up inside. it’s swallowing you whole.

“what if he doesn’t want to be a dad? or- or i’m a shit mum?” you croak out, your doubts getting the best of you. “i can barely take care of myself. what am i supposed to do with a baby?” you’re leaning forward with your hands pressing into your temples. harrison’s hand moves to your upper back. “i- i don’t think i should have them. i... we can’t,” you conclude.

“tom loves kids,” he gives you a gentle reminder. “why would his own be the exception?” another good point, yet you still have rebuttles. “right, he’s a godfather and he’s really good with them and all that, but i’m not the right person, and it’s a terrible time,” you tell him all at once, in a rush to get your words out before harrison’s sway you.

“he’s never around, i’m doing my own stuff. we’re not meant for this.” you lift your head out of your hands and sit back on the couch. harrison returns his hands to his lap. he’s frowning at you, which you see from the corner of your eye. “i’m not going to force you to have the baby. just saying you have options.”

yeah, really shitty ones.

“either way, talk to tom.” harrison says this more like a demand so you’ll take his advice into actual consideration. “at least about the hookup.” your teeth sink into your lower lip, eyes watering for the nth time already.

you have no choice because he’s right again. you’ll never move on from what happened unless you and tom address it.

the next morning, you do what harrison told you to and invite tom over. he replied saying he was on his way maybe a minute later. he’s nervous to see you because yeah, but more so looking forward since it’s been so long. you’re so nauseous you barely have room for nerves. it’s morning sickness with a hint anxiety.

it feels almost normal when he first gets here, no how’ve you been and what are you up to these days? being as close as you and tom are, you’re not capable of such a dry conversation. personally, you still feel uneasy while he recounts a golfing incident him and harry got into the other day. you know something he doesn’t.

“when i tell you we flew, we flew,” tom makes a pushing forward motion with both hands. “right into the tree. i think harry, like, dented part of his face.” he lets out a breathy laugh, you forcing out one of your own. you’d be more interested without the fact that you’re expecting a child, his child, at the back of your mind.

tom exhales, shifting to face you on your couch. it’s funny how different things were when you and harrison sat in these same spots yesterday. so much has and is about to change.

“they had to send another golf cart to come get us. it was wild.” “it sounds wild,” you hollowly agree. he can tell you’re not too invested in hearing about harry’s terrible driving skills, so he changes the subject. “anyway, harrison told me he came over last night?” your stomach drops, heat coming over your whole body.

“did... did he say why?” you murmur with a look of urgency in your eyes. tom shrugs a shoulder, and casually. there’s no way he knows. “no, was he supposed to?” his tone stays playful, which you can thankfully tell. that puts you more at ease. “no. no, never mind. i would’ve asked you to come, but...” you’re searching through your catalog of excuses.

thank god tom says something else because you can’t find a good one. “it’s alright. i actually, um, had a work call.” a small smile spreads across his face, a proud one. intrigued, you raise both eyebrows. “what’d you talk about?” tom twiddles with his fingers in his lap. “i’ve been offered an audition for this really amazing film. everything works out, it’ll be huge for me.”

you’re smiling back this time, putting a hand over one of his. “woah, that’s incredible. i’m so happy for you, tom.” you lock your fingers with his from the back of his hand. he looks down at them, humbly shaking his head. “when is it?” “a few weeks from today. it films in brazil...”

oh. you can’t tell him now. it’s not worth him missing out on a milestone in his career for a baby you’re not sure you should have. that would be so unfair of you to ask. what are you going to do, not support his dreams for the first time in a literal decade? and, you’d call yourself his best friend through it all?

you guess this also means the way you feel about tom is one sided. he’s okay with leaving you after the most intimate moment you two have ever shared. you’ll dance around it the rest of your lives. better yet, act like the night never even happened. that’s not so easy to do when you’ve got a permanent reminder of it.

the thought makes you sick to your stomach. so sick, you could...

while tom is talking more about what the audition entails, you suddenly bolt up from the couch. you run for the bathroom, a hand cupped over your mouth. his face twists up in confusion from your disappearance. tom calls, “y/n/n?” out to you, but you can’t respond because your head is in the toilet. he rushes in when he hears you retching.

he gets onto the floor with you. you’re bent over, puking your guts out, back in another place where your life changed forever less than twenty four hours ago. tom pulls your hair out of your face and into a makeshift ponytail with one hand, his other on your back. that’s all you have in you. you stay over the toilet just to be sure.

saliva drips from your mouth, making you cough roughly, the sound echoing. tom moves so he’s next to you, keeping his hand in your hair and not caring one bit about the smell because he loves you and he’s utterly concerned about what he witnessed.

“love, are you sick?” he coos, searching for your eyes. they water from the intensity of everything. “morning sickness,” you answer without thinking first. shit. shit, shit, shit. it came out of you like more vomit, word vomit. there’s no going back now.

tom lets go of your hair with his eyes still on yours. his hand on your back then leaves you, fingers trailing down your body as they go. “morning sickness,” he repeats, putting it together. “you’re pregnant?” guilt taking over your features, you sit across from tom. you’re once again leaning against the bathtub, him against the counter.

“this isn’t how i wanted you to find out,” you admit and bring your knees up to your chest. “i took a test yesterday. it was positive.” your arms wrap around your legs, you now tearing up because tom figured it out. a shaky breath passes his lips. “i haven’t gone to my doctor or anything yet, but i-“

“are you keeping the baby?” tom cuts in. not to judge you for your choice, to find out what the fuck is going on before he travels across the world. you tighten your arms around yourself, grabbing your wrist. “i haven’t decided.” he gives you an understanding nod and reaches out for you. you dodge him. he might not want to do that after what you say next.

“tom, i... there’s more,” you whimper out. “yeah. i’m... i’m listening,” tom croaks, unable to hold in his infinite amount of emotions for a multitude of reasons. he’s losing you a second time. more tears spill from your eyes as you break the news, the news that will destroy what he’s been working towards his entire life.

“the baby is yours.” his face relaxes, looking almost relieved when you confess it. “when we slept together, uh,” you’re sure it’s obvious enough that you don’t have to go over the details. he’s tearing up himself. you reluctantly continue. “if you still want to audition, i get it. we don’t have to do this.”

“fuck the audition. fuck the whole movie. all of my movies, really,” tom surprises you by blurting out. he moves in until your legs are touching. “i’m staying. even if you don’t have the baby, i have to be here.” you watch in disbelief as he wipes away what are actually happy tears. “really? i was scared you’d resent me for it, or hate me even,” you mumble to him.

“y/n, what? why would i ever do that?” tom places a hand on your cheek, touch gentle and filled with love. you part your legs so he can be closer to you. he takes the space between them, thumb brushing over your skin. “i didn’t think you’d want to deal with all of this. i thought that night was only a hookup for you.” your voice wobbles under his gaze.

“no, are you kidding? i thought that’s what you thought.” he’s smiling now, eyes twinkling along with it. what he’s been meaning to tell you since you were only kids finally comes out. “i’ve loved you as long as i’ve known you, y/n. i always imagined myself doing this with you.” his words draw a quiet laugh from you, a happy one. “i know we were drunk, but i meant it all.”

the sincerity in his voice, the warmth in his eyes, they make you cry all over again. you’re getting used to it.

“i love you, tom,” you lean into him with a sniffle and a grin, his forehead now resting on yours, using his thumb to catch one of your tears. “i really do.” “i love you forever. i always have,” tom speaks lowly, breath fanning across your face. your hands grab at his shoulders. “so, you’ll stay? you’ll do this with me?” he reminds you of what he said before, this time a promise.

“forever.”

-

you ended up having the baby, and tom held your hand through the entire labor. nikki was holding his other hand, your mom holding your other hand. harrison had originally been in the room as well. when you started to push, he got freaked out and had to leave. your support system remained strong either way.

despite his repulsion of your daughter’s birth, you and tom decided to make harrison her godfather. he eventually became the godfather of your other two children also, which you had a few years later.

tom took a paternity leave from the industry so he could be with you and jamie. he’d also used his time off to propose to you, something else he fantasized about since year eleven in school. it wasn’t anything too grand because the whole world was already buzzing about you two, and a big gesture felt too impersonal with everything you’d been through together.

he did it in the form of passing a note, something you often did in class to avoid being scolded by your teacher for talking. the note came with a pencil to check off either the yes or no box, “will you marry me?” written above them. anyone else would have found it so unromantic, but you giggled as you checked off yes before your lips crashed into his smiling ones.

you were married shortly after the proposal, jamie as your flower girl and all your friends and family in attendance.

to do what he loved and stay with the people he loved, tom created his own version of hollywood in london. he took it upon himself to assemble a team and make a production company. harry behind the camera, harrison and tuwaine in the films, and tom either starring alongside them or directing. they give so many young actors tons of opportunities.

you eventually went back to work, too. it was like you’d never left, coworkers offering endless hugs and going over what you missed, not that you struggled getting into it. tom was there to celebrate every promotion, every compliment from your boss, every part of your life. jamie was also there, then liam and lucy.

all three of them are running around the house right now, putting on shoes and collecting their supplies for school. you take a sip of the orange juice liam didn’t finish with a lighthearted eye roll. tom chuckles as he passes you in the kitchen, getting the kids’ lunchboxes for them to minimize the chaos.

“you have that pitch meeting today, right?” he slips his hands through the lunchbox handles and walks over to you. “mhm,” you hum, mouth full with juice. his lips press to your temple, giving your waist a one handed squeeze. “you’ll smash it. always do.” “thanks, tommy.” putting down the cup, you reach up to button whatever parts of his shirt he didn’t have time to.

“aren’t you doing a casting? for the new script they sent?” you wonder aloud and smooth down the cotton material. “me and harry. should be interesting,” he remarks, you giving him a quick kiss back on his chin. they tend to have their artistic differences. “good luck with that. you do drop off, i’ll do pick up?” you pat one of the lunchboxes around his arms.

“deal.” tom goes in for a kiss on your lips, then a chorus of dad, we have to go led by jamie rings through the house. with a knowing smile, you push at his chest. “see you later. love you.” “love you, holland,” he bites back a grin of his own. his last name, now yours, suits you perfectly.

[tobesolonely]

kindergarten teachers

summary: teacher!harry and coworker y/n have a hard time coming to terms with their feelings for each other

a/n: ahhh she’s finally done! i’ve been working on this fic for sooo long and i hope u all like it! big thanks to @queencharry​ for helping me when i got stuck and beta reading, and @behindthatbabyface​ for beta reading as well and giving me feedback!! i appreciate u both <3 enjoy ~11.3k words of some mutual pining and teacher!h interacting with lil kindergarteners 🥺also i am sorry if theres any major grammar mistakes (as always) or crazy typos, i always miss some things when i go back and proofread that im sure i’ll catch later! thank u

warnings: smut, mentions of alcohol 

talk to me about harry and y/n! let me know your thoughts!!

my ko-fi! thank you :)

From the time you were very young, you knew you wanted to be a teacher. One of your earliest childhood memories was going to school dressed up as one for career day. Your usually untamed hair was pulled back into a sleek bun (courtesy of your mother), and you donned a funky baby-pink sweater. For bottoms, you wore the closest thing to a pencil skirt you had in your five-year-old wardrobe. When you look back on the photographs your mother took of you that day, you did not resemble a teacher in any way. You were sure if you had not done your Career Day presentation in front of the whole class, no one would have even known who you were dressed up as.

Once you moved onto college and declared Education as a major, that was when people really started to let you hear their opinions on the career path you wanted to pursue. It seemed like whenever you went home for a holiday, relatives were always in your ear saying, “You know teachers don’t make a lot of money, right? Have you ever considered something in the sciences?”. You always responded, “I know, but what would the world do without teachers?”.

Eventually, you finished your undergraduate career, successfully completed student teaching with the highest praise from your superiors and colleagues, obtained your teaching credentials, and even went back to school to get your Master’s degree. So, it was much to everyone’s surprise when you settled on being a Kindergarten teacher. People assumed that because you completed so much schooling, you wanted to be a university professor. However, the thought never even crossed your mind. You always thought Kindergarten teachers were the most impressionable people out there and knew you wanted to be one.

To you, there was no greater responsibility than that of a Kindergarten teacher. It was your responsibility to teach your students reading, writing, art, and music at the most basic level. You showed them how to play with others, how to be kind, and give them the tools necessary to succeed once they leave your classroom. You were the first teacher your students ever had, so you needed to make them fall in love with school instead of hate it, considering they’d have to stick to it until they were at least eighteen. 

You’ve been a credentialed Kindergarten teacher for the last three years, and you’ve loved every moment of it. You were one of the younger teachers at school, but you never felt left out. Your colleagues were amazing people who often shared tips and tricks they wish they knew when they first started teaching.

Now, you were groggily unlocking the door to your classroom, feeling those first-day-of-school jitters you always felt. You knew kindergarteners weren’t there to harshly critique you. Still, you wanted them to go home and tell their parents about how excited they were to have you as a teacher, not run home in tears. That never happened, of course, but you didn’t want to take any chances. You drop your keys and mutter a quiet, ���Shit!” setting your travel mug filled with coffee on the ground and readjust the box of donuts you had for your kids on your hip. As you reach for your keys, you hear a deep voice ask if you need help. You quickly turn around, eyes wide from being startled.

“Oh! You scared me,” you place your free hand over your chest. “But yeah, actually, that’d be great. I’m struggling to get my door open.” The man nods, his own keys he wore around his neck jangling as he retrieves first your keys, then your coffee mug.

“I’m Harry– Mr. Styles, if you want,” he holds your keys out for you to take, your coffee mug still in his large hands. “Uh, I’m the new Kindergarten teacher.” You give him a confused look and trade the box of donuts in your arms for your keys, opening the door. “The last one, Mrs. Brown, I think it was, I guess she decided a few weeks back that she wanted to retire.” You get your door open and walk inside your classroom, turning on the lights. It was a little stuffy, considering you hadn’t been there to open any windows in about a month.

“Oh, that’s right! Welcome,” you give him a warm smile. “I’m Y/N– Miss Y/L/N if you want.” A slight blush appears on his cheeks. “We’re gonna be working together then, it seems. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Mrs. Brown, but it’ll be nice to collaborate with someone closer to my age, you know?” Harry nods, and you realize he still had your coffee mug and box of donuts in his hands. “You can just set that on my desk, thanks for helping out. Would you like a donut?”

“Um, I- it’s okay,” he stammers, setting the items down. “Sorry, it’s just that I’ll probably crash if I have a donut first thing in the mornin’.” You smile at him and move to open all your windows and the back door, wanting the stuffy classroom to air out a bit before the children got here. 

“I totally get that,” you giggle, walking back over to your desk. “Are you excited about the first day? I always get a little nervous. I also talk a lot when I’m nervous, I’m sure you caught onto that.” 

For the first time that morning, Harry laughs. “Yeah, I’m nervous, too. ’ve never taught in the States before, so this is a bit new to me.” He’s playing with the keys hanging from his lanyard. 

“I noticed you had an accent, but I didn’t know if it was weird to ask about it. What brings you to California?” You open the box of donuts and take one out, wanting to eat it before it gets cold, and the glaze hardens.

“Uh, I went to University here, but when I graduated, I decided to go back home and teach for a couple of years. I really missed being here though and wanted to come back, so I got my credentials, and uh, here I am,” he tells you with a grin, and you notice he has deep dimples. 

“Well, we’re glad you’re here,” you tell him earnestly. “The kids are just gonna love your accent, too!” you joke and Harry laughs for the second time that day. 

“If all else fails, ’m hopin’ to charm everyone over with my accent,” he stares at you for a moment before speaking again. “Well, I better finish getting situated. It’s fifteen til, and I reckon the children will be arriving soon, yeah?” He asks. You nod. 

“Best to be waiting at parent drop-off too, there are always a few parents that are just as nervous as their babies, if not more, and could use a quick pep talk.”

“Thanks for lettin’ me know. I was thinking about standing out there anyway, just to make a good first impression.” You take another bite of your donut, giving him a thumbs up. 

“You’ve got this, Harry. I know you’re not completely clueless since you’ve taught before, but I know the first day can be a little intimidating. You know where I am if you need anything.” He gives you a grateful smile, quietly thanking you before turning to walk out the door. You’re left thinking about your new coworker, only being pulled from your thoughts of him when the first bell rings.

“Good morning everyone, my name is Miss Y/L/N. Are you all excited to get this school year started?” A chorus of high-pitched yeses fills the room, and you smile warmly at your class. “I’m so excited that you’re all here! I have a little surprise for each of you!” You grab the box of donuts and walk back to the rug in the center of the room that the children usually sat on for storytime. Little gasps fill your ears, and they all say, “Donuts!” and “Yummy!”. You smile at the kids again, already feeling overwhelmed with how adorable they were. 

“We all get a donut?” one little girl asks, her eyes wide. You nod at her.

“Of course! Everyone will get a donut, sweetie.” You move to get the plastic food gloves you kept so you can safely hand out a donut to everyone. “Okay guys, I’m going to pass a stack of napkins around the room. Take one and pass the stack to the person sitting next to you. Does that make sense?” All the students nod their heads in confirmation, so you grab a stack and hand them to the child sitting closest to you. “Once the last person has their napkin, let me know, and then it’ll be donut time!” You say this over-enthusiastically, and the children squirm in their seats in excitement.

As you go around handing out donuts to each of your students, you learn their names and ask them to tell you one fun fact about them. Most children say things like, “I have a brother/sister!” or “I can run really fast!”, and you find it absolutely adorable. One thing you loved the most about teaching five-year-olds was their ability to think everything was cool. It was comforting to know that no matter what you did, they’d find you cool, and your first-day jitters quickly dissipated. As the children eat their donuts, you read them a story, putting on different voices for all the various characters. You show them how to raise their hand when they have something they’d like to share and remind them to use their “listening ears” when you or one of their classmates are speaking.

When it’s time for recess, you show them how to line up quietly at the door, and assign a line leader and a hall monitor. You remind the children that they will all get a turn at these tasks eventually because it’ll switch every week, and not to worry. As you’re walking down the hall backward (one of your teachers walks that you’d finally perfected), you hear Harry’s voice.

“Okay Room Ten, we’re gonna go out to the playground now, where you all will get to play every recess and lunch. That sounds like fun, doesn’t it?” He asks them, and you hear little voices chattering out to him in excitement. You can’t help but peek into his classroom as you walked by, as his door was open. He didn’t see you because he was busy organizing his class into a straight line, so you keep going. Your class, who, much to your surprise, was walking very quietly, got loud once they saw the Kindergarten play area had a slide and monkey bars.

“We get to play on this?” one of your students, Destiny, questions. 

“Yup! This is a pretty cool play area, isn’t it?” They nod and stare at you, waiting for direction. “Oh, you can all go play and run around, get some of that energy out. When the bell rings, though, I want you to listen to the yard teachers because they’re gonna help get you all lined back up so we can go back inside. Deal?” The children give you nods and thumbs up, and you grin at them, telling them to have fun and be nice to one another. As you’re turning to go to the teacher’s lounge to refill your mug of coffee, you see Harry walking down the hallway with his class, and decide to wait for him. He gives his class the same spiel you gave yours and tells them to “Treat each other with kindness” before noticing you waiting for him.

“Hey,” he gives you a grin, looking far more relaxed than he did when you saw him earlier that morning. “How’s it going so far?”

“It’s great,” you reply, leading him in the direction of the teacher’s lounge. “They’re all adorable.”

“Yeah, don’t know what I was so nervous fo’. They’re great. Also, you’re right,” Harry has an amused look on his face. “The first thirty minutes of ’em bein’ there was just them askin’ me to say things because they think I sound funny.” 

“I told you!” you exclaim, laughing at him. “A British accent is definitely not something we hear every day, not here at least.”

“I figured,” he replies, and silence falls between you. “Where are we going, by the way?”

You stop in front of a blue door and sift through the keys on your lanyard, finally finding the one you were looking for. “Teacher’s lounge. Have you had the chance to check it out yet?” He shakes his head, and you pull open the door after having unlocked it. “After you.” He shakes his head and steps back, signaling you go ahead of him. You quirk an eyebrow at him, and he gives you a defensive look.

“What? ‘M a gentleman. Ladies first,” he insists, holding the door open. You walk inside the room, trying to refrain from rolling your eyes. There aren’t many teachers in the lounge. You figure they all must be in their classrooms, trying to do some last-minute organization and lesson planning amidst the first day of school chaos. However, a few colleagues that you’re rather fond of are in the room, so you take it upon yourself to introduce them to Harry.

“Hello everyone, I hope you’re all having a relaxing morning!” They chuckle lightly at your sarcasm. “I’d like you all to meet Mr. Harry Styles. He’s the new Kindergarten teacher that took Mrs. Brown’s place.” A look of realization washes over all three teachers’ faces, and they warmly greet him. Harry goes around, shaking each of their hands, voice dripping with charm.

“Lovely to meet you all. Looking forward to collaborating,” he tells them quietly. They begin engaging in polite conversation, so you leave Harry’s side, walking over to the coffee station to get what you came for before recess was over. He joins you shortly after, grabbing a disposable cup. “They were a nice bunch.” He mutters, pouring the steaming coffee into his cup. You hum in agreement.

“Everyone here is nice. The lounge is usually much more crowded than this. Everyone else must be in their rooms,” you flick your wrist up to check the time. “We got some time to sit down and breathe for a bit if you’d like? Unless you wanted to get back to your room.”

“‘M in no rush, trust me,” he tells you, flashing you a small smile. “Let’s take a seat.” Harry walks over to an unoccupied couch and sits down slowly, taking care not to spill his coffee. 

“You didn’t want a lid?” you question when you see him struggling. He shrugs.

“Not necessary. Jus’ some extra plastic,” you hum and look down at your lap. You were quickly learning that Harry was not a big talker, and he liked to get his point across in as few words as possible. Him being a Kindergarten teacher contradicted heavily with his rather bashful demeanor, but that just made him all the more endearing to you.

“Do you live nearby, or is your commute long?” you ask him after a few moments of silence. As soon as you ask the question, you internally cringe, feeling like it was too invasive. If Harry thought the question was weird, he doesn’t show it.

“I live in town. I actually walked here today, believe it or not,” he tells you with a chuckle. “Was such a beautiful morning that I figured I should.” Every time you think Harry can’t possibly get any more captivating, he does, and you find yourself biting back a smile.

“How long is your walk?” You cross your legs and then uncross them, a nervous habit that you had. Harry takes a sip of coffee, mulling your question over.

“I’d say it took me about twenty minutes. I was walkin’ at a pretty leisurely pace, though,” Harry shrugs. “How about you? Do you live nearby?”

“I also live in town, but I’m way too lazy to walk, so props to you,” you smile. “The best thing about living around here is seeing your kids out in public. It’s the cutest thing.” Harry smiles, not saying anything else. A silence falls over the two of you again but instead of feeling the need to fill it, you just sit beside him, drinking your coffee. Your mind wanders off to what you were going to do for the rest of the school day, if you had enough groceries in your apartment for dinner or if you should go grocery shopping after work, and if you remembered to pay your bills on time. The bell rings to signify the end of recess, and you jump slightly.

“Ready to go back?” Harry asks, standing up and walking back over to the coffee station. “Think’m gonna get a bit more.” You go to stand by the door, waiting for him to pour another cup of coffee. He quickly rejoins you, and the coffee sloshes a bit, some getting on his hand, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Hope those lil’ buggers got some of their energy out.”

“Right! Mine was even more hyper than they probably would’ve been ’cause I gave them those donuts this morning,” you laugh. “So, for my sake, I hope so too.” When you and Harry arrive back at the Kindergarten play area, your classes are already lined up quietly awaiting instruction, thanks to the yard teachers. You and Harry both thank them and move to stand in front of your kids. 

“Miss Y/L/N,” one of your children calls out from the back of the line. “Can we get more donuts when we go back inside?” You see Harry smile out of the corner of your eye as he’s giving instruction to his class.

“There are no more donuts, you guys ate them all! I have something even cooler than donuts planned for us, though, okay? Now, remember what I told you all about walking quietly, right? Mr. Line Leader, how does your line look? Do you think we’re all set to go back inside?” The child you appointed line leader turns around to look at everyone, occasionally shushing some people. After a few moments, he turns back to you, giving you a thumbs up. 

Harry moves to stand beside you, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Wanna eat lunch together and do some planning? I feel like it would be a good idea for us to be teachin’ the same things, more or less.” Your body feels warm all over, and you just look at him and nod, not trusting yourself to speak. Harry smiles and places a hand on your shoulder. At a normal volume, he says, “See you then, Miss Y/L/N.” 

Upon entering Harry’s room, you’re immediately met with the scent of vanilla and the loud hum of the air conditioning. It was bright, adorably decorated, and surprisingly decluttered. It was the polar opposite of your room, and you found it very welcoming and comforting. “Nice set-up you’ve got going on in here,” you tell him. He jumps in his seat at his desk, not having heard you come in.

“Fucks sake,” he mumbles, face going red. “You scared me. Thanks, though. My sister helped me decorate, I don’t really have an eye for this type of stuff.” He rubs the back of his neck, sheepishly. 

“Well, if you ever need any help decorating for back to school and your sister isn’t around, I’d be more than happy to help.” Harry smiles and suddenly gets up from his chair, offering it to you.

“Please, take my seat. I’ll just sit in one of the kids’ chairs,” he rolls it towards you, and you shake your head, about to object, but he interrupts you. “It’s okay, Y/N. Their chairs aren’t that bad.” You take the seat Harry was just in, mumbling a quiet thank you. He hums and pulls a tiny chair up beside you, legs scraping loudly across the floor. When he sits down in it, you can’t but burst out laughing.

“Harry, that chair is so tiny! Are you sure you don’t want me to sit there instead? You look so uncomfortable,” you tell him in between laughs. “This is your classroom, after all, I’m just a guest.” Harry shakes his head, cheeks flushed.

“It’s okay, Y/N, really. ‘M perfectly comfortable in this lil’ miniature chair,” he looks at the lunch bag you sat on his desk. “What’s for lunch?” You reach for your sack and unzip it, pulling out a pre-packaged salad from Trader Joe’s.

“I’m very lazy when it comes to packing my lunches,” you admit sheepishly, pulling out a fork. “How about you? Did you eat already?”

“Oh yeah, I had a green smoothie. Not a big lunch guy,” he replies calmly. “Wanna get started with planning? I think we only have about thirty minutes left.” He looks down at his watch to confirm the time. Harry opens his planner, and you see pages filled with his neat, blocky scrawl. He jumps right into talking about the ideas he had in mind, excitement filling his voice that you haven’t yet heard. 

The passion and enthusiasm he has for teaching are evident through the way he tells you about the activities he has planned, new materials and teaching methods he wants to try implementing, and things he’s tried before that didn’t work out the way he wanted them to. He asks you for your advice and listens intently when you speak, jotting down notes.

You find yourself having to mentally remind yourself not to stare at him. He was a handsome man– there was no denying that. He had curly brown hair, soft and wild-looking, the most beautiful green eyes you’d ever seen, and arms covered in tattoos. You also noticed he had the tiniest cross on his left hand. You wanted to ask him about it, but you figured that was a conversation for another time. 

“Y/N? Did you hear what I just said,” Harry asks, giving you a concerned look. “Are you alright? I think you just zoned out for a couple minutes or somethin’.” You nod quickly, feeling your palms growing sweaty.

“Oh yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about something I have to do later. What did you just say?” You play off how you were just wholly drooling over your new coworker, feeling scrutinized under his piercing gaze.

“Jus’ got an email from the principal. Said we have a faculty meetin’ after school at three. Wanna go together?” He asks. You know Harry’s asking you to accompany him primarily because you’re the only person he really knows so far. However, it still makes you feel warm and special. “He said we’re gonna go over some planning for the Fall Festival. What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s just the back-to-school festival. It’s adorable,” you explain. “It’s like a mini carnival that we have right here on the playground. Every year they have teachers host booths. It’s a great way to get to meet your kids’ parents and bond with the other faculty.” Harry nods, standing up from the tiny chair right as the bell signifying the end of lunch rings.

“That sounds lovely,” he chirps, smiling down at you. “We’re gonna have the best booth out of everyone Y/N, trust me.” He jokes, the corner of his eyes crinkling. This was the most Harry had talked since you met him that morning and you were enjoying witnessing him open up to you more and more with each conversation shared.

“It is,” you stand up as well, gathering your trash and empty lunch pail. “Thanks for having me, Harry. Next time we can meet in my room. I wouldn’t mind making this a daily thing.” As soon as the words came out of your mouth, you physically wince, figuring Harry had to think you were obsessed with him at this point. He looks down, the corners of his mouth upturned when he makes eye contact with you again.

“I’d like that, Y/N. I’ll actually start bringin’ a proper lunch, so you’re not the only one eating,” you smile. “I’ll meet you in your room after school?” You nod in confirmation, walking out the door in front of him. 

“See ya later.”

“Did everyone have a good day today?” You ask your class, walking backward to the dismissal gate. You’re met with a chorus of cheerful sounding ‘yeses,’ and you place your hand over your heart in a dramatic fashion. “That makes me so happy, everyone! You’re all incredible little people, and I think we’re gonna have a fantastic year. What do you guys think?” The children chatter excitedly, glad to have made it through their first day of school and see their parents on the other side of the gate eagerly awaiting them, cell phones snapping pictures. 

Harry’s already at the gate, waiting for the bell to ring so he can dismiss his class. He’s walking down the line asking each of the children if they see who they’re supposed to go home with, crouching down to their height so they can point them out to him. Some children in his class look a little upset because they don’t see their parents yet. Harry quickly consoles them, telling them they can all play a fun game together while they wait for their ‘Mummies and Daddies.’

You do the same with your kids, and by the time the bell rings and you finish dismissing the ones who saw someone there to pick them up, there was one child from your class who was still waiting and two from Harry’s. He walks over to you, one of their tiny hands in each of his. The boy looks unbothered, but the girl was beginning to cry.

“Hey, Ava, should we ask Miss Y/L/N and her friend if they want to play iSpy with us? The more, the merrier, isn’t that right?” He looks down at her, and she nods, looking down. You figure she’s one of his more shy students he was telling you about earlier.

“Hi, sweetie! I’m Miss Y/L/N, are you waiting for your mom or dad?” She nods, biting her lip. You turn and gesture to your one student who was waiting as well. “Well, so is she! Don’t worry, they’ll be here.”

“I’m Matthew,” the little boy holding Harry’s other hand informs you, shifting from foot to foot. You give him a big smile.

“Hello, Matthew! I love your Spiderman shirt; he’s just the coolest. Jade, do you want to introduce yourself to Mr. Styles, Ava, and Matthew? Remember when we learned about introductions today in class? When you got to introduce yourself to all your classmates?”

Jade nods, a big, toothy grin on her face. “Hi! My name is Jade, and I am five-years-old but my birthday is September 19th, so I’m actually almost six-years-old,” she tells them matter-of-factly. “It’s very nice to meet you!” She adds, remembering the script you gave them earlier. Harry looks down at her, an impressed look on his face.

“Well, it is very lovely to meet you too, Jade! Do we all know how to play iSpy?” Jade and Matthew shout in excitement, but Ava just grips tighter onto Harry’s hand. He looks down at her again. “Do y’ want Miss Y/L/N and I to show you how to play, Ava?” His voice is very quiet, slow, and soothing. She nods, letting go of his hand.

“Well Ava,” you say, looking around for something to start the game out with. “I would say, “I spy with my little eye something green. Then you, Mr. Styles, Matthew, and Jade, would have to look around and name out everything that’s green. If you name something and it’s not it, then I will tell you nope, and you can try again, but if you figure it out, then you’re the winner! Does that make sense?”

She nods, and you see a gleam of excitement in her eyes. “Can I go first?” She asks quietly. You tell her, yes, and she looks around quickly, trying to find something to say. “I spy with my little eye something blue!” She has a triumphant smile on her face, and even though you immediately know she’s talking about the sky and you’re sure Harry does too, you both decide to take a step back and let the children take the game into their own hands.

“Y’know, that lil’ introduction Jade gave was really somethin’. I didn’t even think about teachin’ my kids that. Think I’ll try that out tomorrow,” Harry whispers, craning his neck slightly to be at your ear. You shiver at the feeling of his warm breath against your skin. 

“Yeah, I feel like that’s always a good first day of school activity for them to do. A lot of them have never really been exposed to people outside of their immediate family, so they’re not too sure how to talk to others.” Harry hums, standing back up straight.

“Mr. Styles,” Matthew calls, running over to Harry. “My mommy is here. Can I go now?” Harry nods, telling Matthew to wait for him so he can say hi to his mother. You watch as he walks away, overhearing as he tells the boy’s mother what a great job he did today and how he’s so excited to go through this school year with him in his class. Ten minutes later, Jade and Ava are gone as well, and Harry locks the dismissal gate. 

“I forgot how exhausting the first day could be,” he tells you, letting out a quiet sigh. “Ready to go to that meeting, though? It’s just about three.” You check your watch and see the time read at 2:57 PM.

“Yeah, just let me grab my bag, and we can head over there. I’m really hoping this won’t take too long; I was planning on going grocery shopping after this,” you walk down the hall towards your classroom and feel Harry’s gaze on you.

“Where do you like to go grocery shopping?” he asks after a few moments of silence. “I need to pick up some groceries this week, too. ’ve been eatin’ takeout for the past week, and I’m starting to feel like shit.” You laugh, unlocking your door. Harry stands outside, holding it open while you grab your purse and lunch bag.

“Honestly, I don’t have a preference. I switch it up a lot,” you shrug, making sure all the windows are closed before walking out. “Was there something, in particular, you were looking for?”

“Uh,” Harry scratches the back of his head. “No? Maybe you could text me a list of all your favorite stores, though. Jus’ so I won’t forget.”

You quirk an eyebrow at him, ignoring how fast your heart was beating. “Are you asking for my number, Mr. Styles?”

“I guess I am,” he replies nonchalantly. “We’re gonna be workin’ together a lot. Might as well have your number– if that’s okay, I mean.” He looks down at you.

“Yeah, remind me after the meeting,” you tell him, trying your hardest to play it cool. “Don’t let me forget.”

“Trust me, I won’t.”

“So Y/N and Harry, you two will be in charge of the pumpkin decorating booth? Is that right?” The principal looks down at his notes and then shifts his gaze between the both of you. You both nod.

“Yeah, I’m excited! I think it’ll be a lot of fun,” you reply excitedly. “We can go to the craft store and get a bunch of paints, but where do you think the best place to get the pumpkins would be?” You pull out your planner, ready to jot down any suggestions.

“You two could try going to a pumpkin patch? They’re starting to pop-up around town,” one teacher suggests. “I’m sure if you purchased a bunch and told them it was for a school event, we could get some kind of deal.” The rest of the faculty buzzes in agreement.

“Y/N and Harry, could you get to a pumpkin patch sometimes this week and see if they can give us an estimate of how much it would cost? Then I could let the PTA know.” You and Harry confirm that it will be possible to do sometime this week, and the meeting continues on.

By the time you’re finally free to leave the meeting, it’s already growing dark outside. Harry’s hands are shoved in his pockets, and he’s looking down at his feet. “So–”

“Do you want–”

You both stop, laughing awkwardly. “You go first.” you tighten the grip on your purse.

“Uh, I was jus’ gonna ask if I could get your number now. Yanno, so we can plan when we’re gonna go get all the stuff for our booth? And you still gotta tell me what your favorite grocery stores are,” he has a playful look in his eyes. For the thousandth time that day, your hands become clammy. There was just something about every interaction you had with him that made you so nervous. 

“Oh yeah,” you answer coolly, digging in your purse for your phone. “Just text your number, so I have it.” You hand him his phone, and he stops dead in his tracks, a look of concentration on his face. 

“I can’t walk and be on the phone at the same time,” he mutters when he looks back up and realizes you were watching him the whole time. “I don’t know how people do it.” He hands you back your phone. “What were y’ gonna ask me?”

“I was just um, I was gonna ask if you wanted me to give you a ride home? I mean, since you walked to work today and it’ll be dark soon,” talking to Harry made you feel like a nervous school girl interacting with her first crush, and you hated that feeling.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that–”

“It’s no bother, really,” you cut him off, and you realize you sound a little eager, but at that point, you didn’t even care. “I’m sure we don’t live too far from each other.” Harry looks slightly unsure but nods, and you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“If you’re sure, Y/N. I appreciate it, I owe you one,” he’s following behind you to the teacher parking lot. You silently pray your car isn’t messy inside like it usually is as you approach it. You decide to pick up your pace and walk ahead of him, telling yourself if the passenger side was messy, you’d just quickly throw everything in the back. “Heyyyy, why’re you walkin’ so fast? Are you sure you’ve got the time to take me home?” He takes a few big strides and quickly catches up with your hurried, tiny ones.

“Yeah, of course, I have time,” you respond, unlocking your car as you approach it. “If it’s messy, then just ignore it.” you preface, honestly not remembering the state in which you left your car this morning when you walked into work.

“Don’t worry about it. You should see mine,” Harry jokes, and it immediately puts you at ease. As you’re about to open your door, Harry quickly rushes to your side, opening it himself. “Let me.” 

His hand rests over yours, and you quickly pull it away, your body heating up. “Harry, I’m already right here. I can open my own car door.” 

“I know you can. But I’m a gentle—“ 

“You’re a gentleman, I know,” you playfully roll your eyes and take a step back, allowing Harry to open your car door all the way. You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t flattered and honestly a little bit turned on. He flashes you a smile as you situate yourself behind the wheel of the car and makes sure you’re all the way in before slamming it shut. You see him lightly jog around to the passenger side, and soon enough, he’s beside you, your car immediately starting to smell like his cologne. 

“What music do you like to listen to?” Harry asks, pulling his phone out of his pocket. 

“You ask me a lot of random questions, Harry,” you reply, looking behind you as you slowly back out. 

“Is it a crime to wanna get to know my new coworker?” you can hear a smile in his voice. “C’mon. What’s your favorite music to listen to?” 

You shrug, looking both ways before exiting the parking lot. “Where do you live?” 

“I don’t know my address yet. Just take a left at this light coming up. Favorite music?” Out of the corner of his eye, you see him scrolling through his music library. 

“You don’t know your address yet?” 

“No. I’ll play something random,” he says, tapping his hand on his knee. “You can take a right at that stop sign up there.” You put on your blinker and glance over your shoulder before switching lanes. Harry quickly pairs his phone with your Bluetooth, and a song you’re unfamiliar with blares through your speakers. Neither one of you says anything else, only speaking to each other when he’s giving you directions to his house, and you’re confirming what he said.

After two more songs, Harry says, “S’right up here.” He’s led you to a beautiful apartment complex— one you were looking at when you were moving out of your parent’s home but just couldn’t afford as a new graduate. You expertly parallel park and then turn the car off, a silence falling between the two of you.

“This is a nice complex,” you tell him after a moment. “Really close to school. I see why you opted to walk to work today.” 

“Mhm,” he hums. His seatbelt is still fastened. “I understand if you’re busy, but did you wanna come in?” You raise an eyebrow at him, and he quickly backtracks. “I mean— it’s just— remember the activity you taught your kids today? About introductions? Jus’ wanted to know if you could walk me through it, that’s all.” 

“Oh. Well yeah, I can hang out for a bit.” You unbuckle your seatbelt and reach in the backseat for your purse that you threw haphazardly over your shoulder earlier. 

“Will your boyfriend be okay with you coming in, though?” He’s chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“What makes you think I have a boyfriend?” You’re slightly taken aback and oddly flattered that he thought you were in a relationship.

“I dunno,” his face grows red. “You got all weird when I opened doors for ya. Figured you had a boyfriend.”

“I don’t.”

“Cool.” More silence falls, this time an awkward one.

“Should we go inside now?” you unlock the doors, quickly getting out of the car. Harry follows behind you and waits for you to walk onto the sidewalk before going up the walkway.

“How close do you live to me?” Harry asks, punching in his gate code. He pulls the gate open and gestures for you to go ahead of him. You decide not to comment on it this time.

“A couple blocks away. I could probably walk over here if I was in the mood to,” Harry shuts the gate behind you and walks over to the first set of stairs, taking them two at a time. “I was interested in this complex when I was moving out of my parents’ but I settled on something else.” He hums, stopping in front of the first door at the top of the stairs. There’s a brown ‘Welcome!’ mat outside his door, along with a few potted plants.

“Here we are,” he looks over his shoulder as if he’s checking if you’re still there. “Excuse the boxes. ‘M not done unpacking yet.” He pushes open the door and steps in, quickly turning on the light. You’re met with the same sweet scent of vanilla that’s in his classroom. Considering he was in the process of unpacking, his apartment was reasonably tidy.

“It looks good in here,” your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest. You were in your coworker’s house that you just met that day, and you could already feel yourself developing a crush on him. There was obviously no way you’d let this relationship progress past anything strictly professional, but that didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to admire his beauty.

“Thanks,” he gives you a smile, relief washing over his face. “You can set your bag down if you want. Take a seat, make yourself at home.” He leaves the room, and you hear him rattling around in the kitchen. “Can I get you anything to drink? Wine? Coffee? Tea?”

“Coffee sounds great,” you reply. You set your purse down on his coffee table and sit on the edge of his couch, inspecting his living room closer. There were two books on the table, both flipped upside down as a way to mark his page. There were a few more plants inside, similar to the ones in front of his door. There was a framed picture of him with two beautiful women you assumed to be his mother and sister. Harry comes back into the room a few minutes later, two steaming cups of black coffee in hand.

“Here you are, Miss Y/L/N,” he puts on an exaggerated posh accent, and you giggle.

“Why thank you, Mr. Styles,” you respond in the same voice. “Do you have cream and sugar?”

He wrinkles his nose. “I think I might have sugar. Is oat milk, okay? I don’t have cream.” He goes back to his kitchen to retrieve the items before you can tell him it’s okay, and you’ll just drink it black. You thank him, pouring the tiniest splash of oat milk into your coffee. You can feel his eyes on you as you add a bit of sugar, stir, taste, and then add some more.

“So,” you begin after your coffee is made to your liking. “What did you think about your first day? You can be honest since we’re not on campus anymore.” Harry laughs, looking down at his fingernails.

“Uh,” he starts. You notice he says, ‘uh’ a lot. “It was terrific. Not so sure I would’ve felt the same way if I didn’t have you to help me through it.” 

“We’re partners in crime now, Harry. We’re the two Kindergarten teachers, and you’re the only other person there my age? We’ve definitely gotta stick together,” you give him a big smile. He doesn’t smile back but looks a bit troubled instead. You wait for him to speak, coming to accept that long pauses were just a thing when having a conversation with Harry.

“Y’know how I assumed you had a boyfriend earlier? I thought after I’d said that–– rather I hoped after I said that you’d be like,” he clears his throat. “‘Why, no! I don’t have a boyfriend. Do you have a girlfriend?’” He put on the worst American accent you’d ever heard to imitate your voice, causing you to laugh. “To which I would’ve replied with a simple ‘no.’” 

Now it’s your turn to leave Harry wondering what you’re thinking for the first time all day. You can feel his eyes on you as you look at his couch cushions, noticing a bit of crumbs that you hadn’t seen before. “Are you flirting with me?”

“I think you’re beautiful.”

“You don’t even know me. We just met today.”

“Does that mean I can’t think you’re beautiful?”

You bite your lip, feeling yourself starting to grow a bit turned on by his forwardness. There was a part of you that would risk it all for just one night in bed with Harry because you just found him that attractive. The rational, adult side of you was screaming, ‘Don’t mix business with pleasure!’. By now, you had both moved closer on the couch to one another, knees nearly touching. “I think you’re beautiful, too.” He grins, setting his coffee cup down. You do the same.

“Would it be crazy of me to tell you that I really wanna kiss you right now?” His face is mere inches from yours, so close that you could smell the coffee on his breath. You shake your head.

“No. I really wanna kiss you too.”

“C’ mere, then.” 

Harry leans forward a bit more until his lips are ghosting over yours. You pull at the collar of his shirt, bringing his already close body even closer to yours. His lips are softer than they look, and he’s a better kisser than you thought he’d be, too. He brings his hands up to tangle them in your hair, and that’s when you abruptly pull away, not wanting things to go too far. “We shouldn’t…” He looks at you with sad eyes, but he nods, understanding what you mean.

“Probably not the best idea?” his response comes out as more of a question than a statement, but you nod in agreement anyway.

“Definitely not. I’m um–– I’m actually gonna go,” you stand up, slinging your purse over your shoulder. “Thanks for the coffee, Harry. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see––”

You’re out the door, rushing down the stairs before he can even finish his sentence.

The rest of the school week goes on without either one of you mentioning it. It’s a little awkward for a couple of days, but by the time Friday rolls around, both of you decide the best course of action to take regarding the kiss would be to act like it never happened. 

You’re in your room at lunch hanging up your kids’ artwork they made during their ‘Free Time’ this morning, having declined Harry’s lunch invitation for the fourth time that week. You decided to pretend to be busy with work so you wouldn’t be too tempted to go into his room. To most people, you’re sure it looked like you were avoiding him–– and maybe you were. However, you were trying to get over this crush on him in the best way that you knew how.

“Need some help?”

You jump, nearly falling backward off the stepstool you were on. “Holy shit, Harry! You scared the hell out of me!” You feel your body getting warm, and you quickly look away, not wanting him to see how flustered you were.

“Sorry, you weren’t answering my texts, so I decided to come see what you were up to,” he walks over to where you were standing and hands you a piece of art, smiling at it before handing it to you. “You’ve got some artists in your class.”

“Mhm,” you hum, not looking him in the eyes. You hear him let out a quiet sigh.

“Still able to go see about getting those pumpkins ordered after work?”

You had completely forgotten that you and Harry decided today would be the day you’d go get the pumpkin situated figured out for your booth. For a second, you consider making an excuse to get out of it, but you decide against it. This was something that both of you were asked to do, not just him, and you didn’t want the fact that you let your attraction to him cloud your judgment getting in the way of your professional responsibilities.

“Yeah, that works.”

He doesn’t say anything, and even though you’re not looking at him, you can see the gears in his head turning. “Should we talk––” 

You’re quite literally saved by the bell, the end of lunch interrupting where you knew he was about to lead the conversation. “I’ll see you after school? Did you walk here again? I can drive.” Harry nods slowly.

“Uh, yeah. he replies. “I walked. Uh, ’m gonna go get my kids. See you after school then?”

“Yup!” you respond, fake enthusiasm in your voice. Harry gives you one more look before walking out of your room. You wait until he’s all the way down the hall before following behind him to bring your class back inside. You knew you were the one making things awkward between you and Harry. However, the realistic part of you knew getting involved with your coworker was one of the worst ideas you’d ever had in your life. For now, you’d just tell yourself that you were probably more into Harry than he was into you and pray that would be enough to make you get over your crush.

“I haven’t been to a pumpkin patch since I was a kid.” Harry stuffs his hands farther into his pockets while yours are tightly hugging your chest. You hum, not saying anything. The car ride there was a little awkward, and you were glad it was so short. You could tell there was a lot Harry wanted to say, but you were glad he wasn’t saying it. You keep seeing him glance at you, but you pretend not to notice.

“What size pumpkins should we ask for? Small ones, huh?” Harry nods, looking around in childlike awe. There was a small petting zoo, booths selling warm drinks and kettle corn, and an obscene amount of children.

You walk around together for a moment before encountering a friendly-looking employee who looked like he could help you out. Harry takes over, explaining the situation, and why you need to order one hundred tiny pumpkins. While you’re waiting for the employee to ask the owner if that would even be possible, Harry turns to face you.

“Y/N? Can we talk about what happened on Monday?” you’re about to tell him that you’d rather not, but he continues. “I felt something during that kiss, Y/N. I’m not sure if you felt it too, but I don’t want things to be awkward between us. We have to get through an entire school year working side-by-side, and if you’re not interested, then I respect that one hundred percent, but I just want––”

“So the owner said that is possible!” The employee that was helping you out comes back with a form and clipboard in their hand. “Can you just fill out some information and let us know what time you need it tomorrow? The owner said he could get it delivered and give you guys a discount since you’re ordering so much.”

“That’s great!” you exclaim, taking the form from him. You were glad to have been saved from your conversation with Harry. You quickly go through and fill out everything you can, telling them they can bill your school’s PTA. 

The walk back to your car is silent. You’re replaying what Harry was saying to you over in your head, thinking about what he was going to say before he was interrupted. He opens your car door like he’s been doing, but he doesn’t make eye contact with you or say a word as he slides into the passenger seat.

“Y’can just drop me off,” Harry says quietly. He leans your seat back and closes his eyes. You wait to see if he’ll connect his phone, but he doesn’t, so you turn on the radio at a volume so low it almost can’t be heard. It takes everything in you not to speed back to his place. You just wanted him out of your car. You had such strong feelings for him that it physically hurt, and restraining yourself from telling him how you really felt was growing harder and harder.

“We’re here.” your voice is a little hoarse from not saying anything. Harry slowly opens his eyes and unbuckles his seatbelt, opening the door.

“Right. Thanks for the ride. What time do we need to be at school to set up our booth by?”

“Four. I can pick you up if you want?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, Y/N.” He closes the door and walks up to his gate without looking back at you once.

“Hi Miss Y/L/N! Hi Mr. Styles!”

Groups of your students had been coming up to you excitedly all evening. It made you happy to see that the Kindergarten classes were no longer divided. They were starting to hang out with one another. Their parents tell you how their children thought it was just the coolest thing to be on school grounds on a Saturday, and how even though it was only a week into the school year, they were having the best time. It was comments like this that made you fall in love with your job all over again.

Things between you and Harry were going well. It wasn’t awkward, but you think it was because you were both too busy helping children paint their pumpkins. You were glad that Harry didn’t take the bit of downtime the two of you had when no one was at your booth trying to talk about the kiss and instead talked about other random things instead. You find out he loves baking (specifically, bread), he has an obsession with old music, and has about fifty tattoos. He talks to his mom on the phone every day, and he is extremely close to his sister. You tell him about your parents’, your undergraduate experience, your hobbies, and you finally tell him what music you like to listen to.

The festival quickly comes to an end, and you find yourself sad once you and Harry are done cleaning up your booth, knowing that you were just going to drop him off at his apartment and go back to yours to spend another Saturday night alone. You get to his complex almost too quickly, and you almost want to keep going and pretend you accidentally missed it just to be with him a bit longer. Instead, you park.

“D’ya wanna come inside?” He blurts out. Even in the darkness of your car, you can tell his face is flushed. “I mean if you haven’t got plans. I know it’s a Saturday night, so I understand if––”

“Nope, I don’t have plans. I’d love to.” Your hands are shaky as you unbuckle your seatbelt. He quickly gets out of your car and runs around to your side, opening the door for you before you can do it yourself. You almost don’t even notice since it was becoming such a habit.

“I picked up this new bottle of wine a couple days ago that’ve been wanting to pop open. Think we deserve a glass or two after such a long week, hmm?” You wordlessly nod, wholly mesmerized with just how good Harry looked after such a long day of work. His curls fell perfectly across his forehead, his eyes were sparkling and full of excitement. 

“A glass of wine sounds great,” you reply with a chuckle. “I’m ready to drink a whole bottle by the end of the week if I’m being honest.” Harry laughs, quickly punching in his gate code. You could see his hands shaking a little bit, but you decide not to comment on it. He takes the stairs up to his apartment two at a time like he did last time you were there, but this time there’s an urgency and clumsiness to his actions that you haven’t seen before. He jams the key in his lock, quickly shoving the door open.

His apartment is a little messier than it was when you were in it at the beginning of the week, but it’s nothing disgusting. He runs his fingers through his curls, moving aside papers that were scattered along the length of the couch. “Sorry, I was doin’ some planning. Make yourself comfortable.” He disappears to the kitchen, and moments later, you hear the pop of a wine cork and the smooth sound of him pouring the alcohol into glasses.

He emerges from his kitchen, handing you a generously poured glass of wine. “Thanks, Harry,” you tell him before taking a big sip. It was sweet, and while you usually preferred a more dry wine, it was still delicious. 

“Cheers to the end of a successful first week,” he holds up his glass, and you smile, clinking yours with his. “Thanks for helpin’ me get through it, Y/N. Couldn’t have done it without you.” You give him a timid smile.

“Stop, Harry. You’re a great teacher. I can see your kids love you already,” you take another sip of wine. “I kinda do too. I mean–– that came out wrong. I don’t love you, but I do think I like you.” You didn’t know what came over you at that moment, but something told you now was the time to lay it all out on the table with Harry. He sets his glass of wine down, the biggest smile on his face.

“Really? I thought you weren’t interested. Was kinda startin’ to feel like you hate me,” he sounds a little sad. You shake your head.

“Quite the opposite, actually. I’m really into you,” you didn’t even realize how you’d inched your way towards Harry. “I’ve been trying not to think about how we kissed because we shouldn’t, you know? We’re coworkers. I’ve been trying not to think about it all week, though, and I just can’t get you out of my mind.” He stares intensely into your eyes, chewing on the inside of his cheek like he usually does when he’s thinking.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” he finally asks. You’re in the same position as you were last time, being mere inches away from the other’s lips. Only this time, you smell the wine on his breath, not coffee. You nod quickly, and Harry cups your face in his hands, hungrily pressing his lips against yours.

“You can do more than kiss me, actually,” you tell him breathlessly. “You can do whatever you want with me.”

Harry raises an eyebrow, a shocked look on his face. “When you say anything…” he trails off.

“I want you to fuck me, Harry,” you tell him bluntly. “Please. Been wanting that all week.” He licks his lips, looking at you in a way he hasn’t yet before. 

“I can definitely do that,” he replies, resting his hand on your thigh. His large hand is dangerously close to your pussy, and you can already feel yourself growing wet. “Let’s get all these clothes off you then, huh?” 

You stand up and quickly start removing your clothes. First, your blouse comes off, and that’s quickly followed by your bra. Harry’s leaning back on the couch, arms resting behind his head. “Enjoying the show?” you ask, quickly pulling down your jeans and underwear. You’re completely naked in front of him in thirty seconds flat, and you reckon that’s the fastest you’ve ever undressed for anything. 

“Very much so,” he mumbles, palming himself over his khakis. “C’ mere, Y/N.” he pats his lap, and you move to sit in it, now straddling him. He softly presses his lips against yours, the hunger that was there just a moment ago completely dissipated. This was a much more hesitant kiss, more gentle and tender. “You’re really beautiful, Y/N.”

You giggle. “I know. You’ve told me that before.”

“I want you to know how much I mean it.”

“I know you do.”

Harry nods. “Can I have a taste of ya now?” you notice that his accent sounds a bit thicker than usual, voice a tad gruffer. You nod, swallowing thickly. Climbing off Harry, you lay back on the couch, situating yourself, so it’s a little more comfortable. He looks into your eyes, placing his hands on your knees. “Is this okay, Y/N?” You nod again, and he removes his hands.

“What’s wrong?” your voice has a hint of desperation in it, but after a week of extreme sexual tension, you wanted nothing more than to cum by the hands of this man.

“Wanna hear you tell me it’s okay. I don’t wanna do anything you don’t want,” he’s looking down at his hands.

“Harry, I wouldn’t have given you a striptease and laid back on this couch for you if I didn’t want it. I wholeheartedly give you permission to do whatever you want with me––”

That’s enough for him. He roughly pries your legs open, immediately licking a long stripe up your heat. You cry out, not expecting him to get right into it. You look down at him and groan when you see he’s making eye contact with you, a smug look on his face. “How’s tha’, love?” You nod, tangling your hands in his curls.

“Yeah Harry, please,” you moan. Harry sucks harshly at your clit, pulling off loudly, the sound echoing throughout his minimally furnished apartment.

“Please what, pet?” He’s looking you dead in the eyes, a devilish grin on his face while his index finger rubs small circles on your clit. Your chest is heaving up and down quickly as you try to calm your breathing down.

“Please make me cum on your tongue, Harry,” you try pushing his head back down to your cunt, but he doesn’t budge.

“Think I rather like hearin’ you beg like this fo’ me. Enjoyin’ watching you squirm like tha’, love.” Just as your about to beg for him some more to feed his inflated ego, he attaches his lips to your clit once more, this time adding his ring finger into your tight pussy. “You’re tight. Sure you’ll be able to take my cock?” His voice is muffled, and you just barely make out what he says.

You clench around his finger, and he laughs, the vibrations sending a new sensation across your clit. “Y’like thinkin’ about my cock, hmm?”

“Yeah, want you in me,” you beg, lifting your hips up. He grips onto your hips tightly, keeping you in place.

“Can feel yeh gettin’ ready for me, darlin’. Think you can take another one?” You nod, and Harry gently places kitten licks on your swollen clit while he slowly pushes his middle finger into you. You feel full in a way you haven’t felt in such a long time, and he only had two fingers in you. Once he pumps his fingers in and out of you a few times, he goes back to harshly sucking on his clit, moaning every so often so you can feel the vibrations against your cunt.

“Fuck,” you’re moaning loudly, and you pray Harry’s neighbors don’t hear you, knowing how thin apartment walls were.

“So fuckin’ wet for me, doll,” he mutters, adding another finger inside you. The burn feels amazing, and you place your hand on his wrist, urging him to go faster. “Gonna cum in my mouth, hmm? Gonna let me feel ya around m’ fingers?”

“Yes, please, Harry,” you feel yourself nearly there, your orgasm threatening to overtake you at any moment. 

“Give it to me then, Y/N. Cum for me,” he demands. As soon as he says those three words, you’re done for, your body going tense as waves of pleasure roll throughout your body. He doesn’t remove his digits from the your cunt until you’re coming down from your high, placing a kiss to your clit. He laughs as you shudder at the overstimulation. Harry places his three fingers that were just inside of you and his mouth and sucks on them, not once breaking eye contact with you. 

“That was really good,” you tell him, crawling on your knees towards him to place a kiss on the underside of his jaw—Harry’s beaming, a triumphant look on his face.

“Not yet. Gotta make y’ cum one more time. I’m a gentleman, after all.” You know he’s messing with you but also serious, so you lean back on the couch, opening your legs once again.

“Are you gonna take off your clothes too? Why am I the only one that’s naked?” Harry laughs, and you hear the clanking of his belt as he undoes it. 

“You’re impatient, aren’t ya?” you nod, and he pulls down his tenting khakis and tight boxers. His cock springs up, slightly touching his stomach, and he hisses at the feeling. “Hold on a sec.” He gets up quickly, and you hear him hurry to what you assume in the bathroom, rummaging around. He comes back a minute later with a box of condoms, making you laugh.

“Is that a new box of condoms? Have you been holding onto those all week, Mr. Styles?” Harry rolls his eyes and opens the box, ripping open a condom expertly with his teeth.

“Weren’t you just the one beggin’ for me, pet? I’d watch it if I were you,” he jokes, rolling the condom onto his hard length. He leans down to place wet, opened mouth kisses to your breasts. “So beautiful.”

“Are you gonna take off your shirt?” you ask quietly. “I kinda wanna see all your tattoos.” Harry raises an eyebrow at you but unbuttons his shirt nevertheless, throwing it into the mess of clothes scattered around the living room. You reach your hand up, shakily tracing the swallows on his chest, moving down to the butterfly across his stomach and finally to the ferns on his abdomen. Harry’s staring down at you, watching as you delicately touch his skin. “You have so many.” you finally say. He nods.

“Yeah. Some of them I just got for the hell of it. Felt like after I got that first tattoo, it was hard to stop.” He caresses the skin on your thighs, and you shudder again. “Gonna let me get inside that pretty lil’ cunt now?”

“Please.”

Harry aligns himself with your entrance and slowly pushes into you, sharply inhaling as you clench around his length. “Relax, Y/N.’ve got ya,” he tells you reassuringly. “Can’t get inside ya if you’re all tense like tha’.” You can tell Harry’s trying his hardest not to absolutely wreck you, the vein in his forehead very prominent from clenching his jaw so tightly. You grip tightly onto his bicep, biting your lip as you adjust to his size. You were so wet and indescribably turned on that you felt every vein his thick cock had to offer, and you knew you wouldn’t last long once he started moving. By the looks of it, Harry wouldn’t either.

“You can move,” you tell him, squeezing your eyes shut. Harry slowly pulls out of you and then ever so gently sinks back inside you, bottoming out. He lets out a breathy moan, moving one of his hands up to tweak your nipples. “Harder, Harry, fuck.” 

He immediately pulls out of you and slams back inside, the sounds of his balls slapping against your ass echoing in the room. You scream in pleasure, no longer caring if his neighbors hear what you two were doing. 

“Like tha’?” He asks cheekily, working up a steady rhythm. You nod, gripping your boobs to keep them from bouncing. Harry shakes his head, forcefully removing your hands. “Nope, none of that. Wanna see ’em.” He takes both of your hands in one of his, pinning them up over your head. His other hand reaches in between your bodies to rub at your clit, and before you have time to warn him, you’re cumming again, squirting all over his cock. 

Harry throws his head back in pleasure, his thrusts getting sloppy and frantic, and you know he’s seconds away from his own orgasm. You spur him on, telling him how badly you wanted him to come inside of you (even though he was wearing a condom). He stills moments later, shaking above you as he holds himself up with an arm, not wanting to collapse on top of you.

“Fuckin’ hell, Y/N. Why did we wait a whole week to do this again?”

[peaceisadirtyword]

Heathen VI (Ivar/Edlynn)

A/N; Hello!♥️ I’m back after a short, holiday break! And even if these next weeks are going to be chaotic, I will try to keep posting Heathen once a week as I did before! There’s only another four (five with this one) left until the end👀, so I hope you enjoy it a lot🥰 I didn’t have time to reply to your comments on last chapter but I read all of them and I’m so happy to see you’re liking it🥺 thank you so much, it means the world🙏🏻 took a bit longer to finish this one because I wasn’t too convinced but I hope you like it too♥️

Warnings: smut ( 👀), talk of feelings, my cringey writing, Ivar is the best, mentions of alcohol, violence, sex and talk about arranged marriage and religious things!

Words: 4823 (will I ever stop)

Heathen Masterlist

gif belongs to @therealcalicali​

"We could move here" Harald pointed at the map. Hvitserk followed his finger and pressed his lips together. Maybe a bit risky, he thought, but he didn't dare contradict the king because of strategical differences, that was Ivar's job "It's closer to the sea, and it would be easier to run away if the saxons decide to attack us once we don't have the saxon girl as leverage"

"It could be" he nodded, as he waited for Ivar's opinion. But as the minutes passed and his brother didn't say a word, Hvitserk raised his head to look at him. 

Ivar was sitting in front of him, with a drink on his hand, but looking away. He didn't seem to be even listening to what they were saying, and when Hvitserk's eyes followed his gaze, he understood why. 

His lips curved on a small smirk and immediately turned to look at Harald, who also seemed amused to have caught the ruthless Ivar the Boneless sneaking glances to a lady. 

Edlynn was sitting on a cut tree, not very far away from them, and her eyes were fixed on a book that Hvitserk had seen on Ivar's tent. She only had a couple of guards with her, and her wrists were untied, giving her much more freedom than Hvitserk ever thought Ivar would give her. 

"Ivar" he called his name, making him turn his head with a frown, almost like he was annoyed by his interruption "Are you listening?"

Harald held back a laugh when Ivar blinked, somewhat confused, until he spotted the map and the pieces the king had moved, and seemed to get out of his trance. His cheeks reddened softly, but he pretended not to realize as he scrutinized the map, trying to remember what had changed since Edlynn stepped out of the tent and his eyes wandered off. 

Hvitserk raised his eyebrow. He already knew what was going on, since he caught Edlynn leaving the tent with swollen lips more than once and had seen them sleeping together, with her face hidden in Ivar's neck. But at first he thought his brother was just having some fun, not falling for the saxon girl. Those glances said otherwise. 

"It would be risky" Ivar cleared his throat "I don't think Alfred would attack us once Edlynn is with him" 

Harald raised his head again. Edlynn? He didn't know when Ivar started calling the prisoner by her name, but found it amusing. 

"Then what do you propose?" Hvitserk tried to ignore it, but he would ask his brother about it "Shall we stay here?"

"I think we should move a bit closer to the boats, but not like it seems we're retiring" he shrugged "But it's your decision, king Harald"

Harald had gotten used to the mocking tone whenever Ivar said his title out loud. He didn't really care, it had started to sound like a joke to him too. 

"I will think about it tonight, and tomorrow we'll decide" 

But just when he was about to stand up, maybe too eager to go back to his tent, a guard approached them. 

Edlynn pretended not to realize he was staring. Neither of them talked about it but both of them seemed to think the same: no one should know of their... Affair? She couldn't help but blush whenever she thought about it. Well, she didn't even know if it could be considered an actual affair. There had been kisses, some more innocent than others, Ivar had touched her body in a way no one had in her entire life, she had let her hands wander down his strong arms and chest, but nothing more. It was still a sin, something she didn't want people knowing. Edlynn would be mortified if someone heard about it, about what she was doing with a... Heathen. 

But the thing that alarmed her the most weren't the kisses or the caresses, not even the fire that Ivar awakened in her, but the warmth that expanded through her chest whenever she saw him, the smiles, the little laughs, the reddened cheeks... She couldn't think about anything else that weren't his blue eyes and his pouty lips, nor could pray in peace without remembering how soft his hair was under her fingers or what a beautiful smile he had. Every night she promised she'd stop, that she wouldn't let herself fall in love with him, but sometimes, especially under the furs and between his arms, she thought there was nothing she could do now. 

It was temporal, Edlynn tried not to think about what would happen when she had to go back to her family, to Lord Edmund, the man who was supposed to be her husband. Would she ever feel the same with him? Probably not, and the thought saddened her. It was such a beautiful feeling she wished she could carry forever. 

Even if it was hard, and even if she knew many people in the camp suspected it, Edlynn tried to act like nothing had happened. They barely talked to each other in public, but she noticed he was always close to her, or at least close enough to be able to watch her. She liked that. 

Edlynn was reading, but she hadn't turned the page in what felt like hours, too focused on the glances that certain man threw her way and on hiding her blush. Until someone else approached the three men that sat down not too far away from her. She raised her head, interested, as the man seemed to carry important news. Even if she had understood their language, she wouldn't have heard anything, as the noise of the camp was too loud. But she could see the king with a big smile, celebrating something. And Ivar had frowned and his eyes were now fixed on the ground at his feet. 

When he finally looked her way again, he ignored the silent question on her eyes and looked directly at the guard that stood next to her, pointing to his own tent with his head. And Edlynn was practically dragged towards it. 

____________________________________

That night they celebrated. The reason was still a mystery to her, but Edlynn tried to ask every single person that entered the tent, from Brianna to Hvitserk, without receiving any answer. She could hear the happy screams and laughs, and figured it couldn't be bad, right?

At least not for them. 

A shiver travelled down her spine when she thought about her family, would they be alright? Had those heathens killed them?

And then Ivar came back. 

His eyes were bright and Edlynn figured he had been drinking too. His movements were slow, and let himself fall on the bed with a grunt, letting his crutch go before rubbing his face with his hands.

"Hello" Edlynn raised an eyebrow, why do men drink so much if they feel bad afterwards? 

"Hi, princess" he muttered, grunting "How was your day?" Ivar sat on the bed, sighing. It had been a long day, and it seemed it would be a long night too. 

"Clearly not as interesting as yours" 

He raised an eyebrow, but didn't turn to look at her. 

"I was trying to negotiate" he shrugged "And king Harald negotiates better when there's ale" 

"Negotiate what?" Edlynn narrowed her eyes, moving a bit closer to him. 

_____________________________________

"The saxons will agree to our terms" the messenger smiled proudly as he delivered the news "They will pay, and give us land and time to settle" he nodded "In exchange for the saxon girl" 

Harald's laugh startled Ivar, who stared at the messenger intensely.

"Of course they will!" he celebrated, nodding his head and patting Ivar's back softly "You were right, once again" 

He shot him a fake smile, which faded as soon as the king turned to Hvitserk. He thought he'd have more time, that asking for such a ridiculous amount of gold, land and a truce would be too much to give for just one girl, and that the saxons would try and change the terms. That would've given him weeks, even months. His eyes went back to where Edlynn was sitting, and silently told the guard to take her away. 

"The saxon king said they shall wait for us in the battlefield to make the exchange, and that the girl must be unharmed and well, otherwise they won't give us what we asked for" 

"Thank you, my friend" Harald patted the soldier's shoulder with a bright smile "Go, eat and rest, tonight we'll celebrate" 

Hvitserk didn't stop looking at Ivar. He noticed how he clenched his jaw and licked his lips repeatedly. He felt his own lips curving on a smile, but just slapped his head playfully. 

That night they did celebrate. Everyone sang, drank and ate next to the king, around a fire. Another victory, thanks to Ivar. But Ivar didn't seem too keen on participating on the celebrations.

"What's it, Ivar?" Hvitserk sat next to him as he saw him pour the ale on his horn for the fifth time "Aren't you happy to get rid of the saxon girl and get paid for it?" he chuckled, but his brother didn't laugh with him. 

"I just think..." Ivar clenched his jaw again "Maybe the price is too low" 

"Low?" Hvitserk raised an eyebrow "We didn't think they'd agree, it's too much, that price would fit a queen, but not a noble girl" 

"Yes but they did agree to it" he shook his head "What if... What if we ask for more?" 

"They would say no, and the negotiations would continue, we don't want that" his older brother frowned and shook his head, taking another sip from his horn "Because we don't want that, right?" 

"No" Ivar replied maybe too fast, and then scowled "It's just that I don't think we've benefited enough from holding her captive, she's obviously more important than we thought" 

"Well, dear brother, if I'm honest, I think you've benefited quite a lot from having her here" he chuckled, patting Ivar's leg softly. His brother widened his eyes at him, but managed to hide his surprise and go back to scowling.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Hvitserk" 

"Sure" he laughed, shaking his head "Sure, you don't know, but it's quite obvious, Ivar" he shot him a soft smile "I can't blame you, she's pretty, innocent... I thought you didn't like saxon girls" 

"Shut up" he rolled his eyes, but Hvitserk saw the little smile he tried to hide "I'm not trying to keep her here, I just want to make sure we get the deal that benefits us the most, that's all" 

"Fine, I believe you" this time it was Hvitserk's turn to roll his eyes "Tell Harald, then, but I don't think he will agree" 

"I was waiting for him to get drunk" Ivar shrugged, making his brother laugh. 

"Good luck then" Hvitserk winked at him before getting up "Want advice?" 

"No" 

"Don't fall in love" he ignored him "That doesn't end well" 

_________________________________

Ivar finally gave up, and went back to the tent, in need of some peace and maybe the soft touch of the woman that sat on he bed behind him. Harald didn't listen, and they kept celebrating. 

"Your king agreed to our terms" he said, finally turning his head to look at her. Edlynn wore another dress they had found for her, with her auburn hair loose, and she looked so beautiful Ivar had to blink a couple of times. He wanted to see her reaction, would she be happy? Or would she feel as weird as he had been feeling all day?

But instead she looked confused. 

"What... What does that mean?" 

"That means we'll meet them in a few days and I will let you go"

Edlynn gasped, but instead of feeling relieved and thankful, eager to see her family again, to see Mildrith, to go home... She looked into those ocean eyes and only felt a strange emptiness inside her. 

I must be insane, she thought as she crawled closer to him. Ivar's eyes didn't left her face, almost like he was waiting for her to smile, laugh and sigh in relief. 

Edlynn didn't do any of those things. 

"Aren't you happy?" he gulped. 

"I... I suppose I am" she muttered "But..." 

I know, he thought, nearly desperately. He couldn't describe it either. 

"You'll go back to your castle, you'll marry your lord, you'll be with your family and will have a church to pray to your God every time you want" 

"Yes, but..."

"Wasn't that what you wanted?" he sounded sharper than he intended. 

"I don't want that anymore" Edlynn scowled "I don't want to go back and marry, I don't want to spend my days sewing, gossiping with other women and praying"

Not so long ago, she wouldn't have even imagined she'd say those words, that was her life, a life she had enjoyed and lived happily. But now... Now she had tried other things, new things... Was it that bad to want to keep them?

"I know it's my duty" she continued, the tears threatened to fall down her cheeks, but she held them as she had been taught "And I know I will have to do it someday but I... I will miss you"

Ivar looked away, clenching his jaw again and hoping she didn't see the tears filling his eyes. The thought of entering that tent and finding it empty, without the familiar presence of the annoying saxon girl praying or reading, of spending his nights studying maps alone instead of the books in latin Edlynn would read for him, or talking about the Gods, about the adventures of Thor and Loki or the golden apples of Idunn was... Not what he wanted. 

Not even the possibility of conquering England was helping. 

He felt Edlynn getting closer, and her small hand, with her soft fingers that had never held any kind of weapon, touched his shoulder. Ivar felt dizzy, but couldn't know if it was because of the ale or because of her. 

"I will miss you too" 

The words left his lips before he could hold them back, and when he raised his head to look at her, Edlynn had the biggest smile on her lips. She almost made him smile too. 

"I... You could come and visit me someday?" she muttered, biting her lip "My friend Mildrith would love to meet you, she's obsessed" 

Ivar raised an eyebrow. 

"Do you think your father or your husband would let me visit you? You're supposed to hate me" 

Edlynn's smile faded. 

"I don't hate you" she tilted his head in an adorable way, and Ivar had to look away again "You were a bit mean at first, but you're not like they say you are... And he's not my husband" 

"Yet" he shrugged "What do they say about me?" 

Edlynn giggled, shaking her head.

"Mildrith said you're the Devil, in a human shape, that you are ruthless and... I heard you drink blood and eat human flesh" 

Ivar couldn't help but laugh. 

"I don't eat human flesh" he scowled in disgust "Do you think I could be that Devil you talk about?"

Edlynn took a deep breath, and her fingers caressed softly his cheek. 

"You could be" she said, nodding slowly "You're smart, ambitious, ruthless, but also beautiful, like a fallen angel" Edlynn blushed "You do tempt me to sin"

Ivar smirked, humming in delight. She had a lot more to say about his looks, but decided to keep it to herself to avoid feeding his ego. 

"And you would invite me, the heathen who tempts you, to your home with your father and your husband?"

Edlynn blushed again. 

"He's not my husband" she repeated.

"But you're going to marry him, princess, he will be your husband soon, unless..."

His eyes fixed on the axe he had next to the bed, and Edlynn gasped and punched his arm. 

"Don't even think about it!"

Her reaction amused Ivar, who shook his head laughing. Even if he wasn't actually joking. 

"Lord Edmund is a good man, a good christian, he will take care of me" she said quietly, almost trying to convince herself "And it will be a good thing for my family"

"From what I've seen, princess, you don't need anyone to take care of you" he sighed, leaning to undo his braces. She smiled at that, feeling that warmth fill her body again. It was a huge compliment coming from him. 

When he finished taking off the braces and removed most of his clothes Edlynn was already under the furs, her eyelids felt heavy but she forced herself to stay awake. She wanted to enjoy every moment she had left with him, knowing she wouldn't see him again. They still had some days, though, that comforted her. 

Ivar nearly moaned when he finally was able to lay on the bed. His eyes had been a bit more blue that morning, so it had been a difficult day. Edlynn watched him in silence, amazed by the perfection of his features. How could he be the Devil when he looked sculpted by God? He was too beautiful to be impure, but then again, he was a heathen. Her mind went back to his wife, and a strange pang of jealousy stroke her. What would he do if she kissed him now? 

"It's rude to stare, princess"

Ivar had an amused smirk on his lips, which only grew when he saw Edlynn's glare. 

"Remember when I said I'd miss you? Well, I take it back" 

That made him laugh. 

"Go to sleep, little one" he muttered, already closing his eyes "Maybe I can teach you some more archery before you leave, but only if you rest" 

He could hear a little gasp and imagined her excited smile, but didn't open his eyes until he felt her crawling closer to him and leaning her head on his shoulder. When he did look at her, she was already ready to sleep, with her eyes closed and breathing slowly. 

"Good night, heathen"

Ivar couldn't help but smile, too. 

"Good night, princess"

______________________________________

Ivar was cold. He stirred in his sleep looking for the source of warmth he was missing, but opened his eyes when he couldn't find it. 

The bed was empty, he frowned and pawed at the furs, confused. Where is she? 

The thought of her escaping made him more sad than angry, and he was nearly gasping when he finally spotted her. Edlynn sat on the wooden stool next to his table, studying the paintings of one of the books he had at the dim light of a nearly melted candle. 

"Sorry" she pouted, looking at him with widened eyes "I didn't mean to wake you up" 

"You didn't" he groaned, rubbing his eyes "What are you doing awake? It's the middle of the night" 

He couldn't hear anything outside the tent, only the hushed voices of some guards, and it was still dark. 

"I couldn't sleep" she shrugged. 

"Come back to bed" he nearly ordered, narrowing his eyes at her. Edlynn held back a laugh as she closed the book, leaning in to blow the candle before making her way back to the bed. Ivar watched her as she crawled under the furs and laid back, with her eyes still open. 

"It feels strange to go back and marry someone else"

Ivar frowned in the darkness of the tent. 

"What does that mean?"

"You're the first man I shared the bed with" she muttered "The first man I kissed... The first touching me. I always believed that man would be my husband" 

"I'm also the first man that made you a prisoner" he teased, and Edlynn rolled her eyes with a small smile. 

"I don't think you understand"

"Then tell me"

"I want you to be the last, too" 

Edlynn bit her own tongue after saying it, taking a deep breath as Ivar turned to look at her. She nearly regretted it, but... Why hide it? They probably wouldn't see each other again. She was just telling the truth, like a good christian.

"You don't know what you're saying" 

His answer confused her even more. 

"What?"

"I... We're on different sides, princess" he sighed, and held himself back from reaching out to caress her cheek "I am a heathen, remember?" 

"But you're good to me" she pouted, and Ivar nearly leant in to kiss her "I've seen you talk about your Gods with passion, laugh with your brother, I've seen you bonding with your men and even stroking horses... You're not the monster they talk about, at least not now... You treated me well... As well as you can treat a prisoner, I don't see how you're different from any christian man I know"

Ivar couldn't help but smile and lean his forehead against hers, his fingers tingled, desperate to touch her. He felt a faintly familiar warmth inside his chest. 

"You have to go back home, princess" he insisted "You'll forget about me and will learn to hate me again" 

"I will never hate you" she muttered, and then there was silence. Ivar nearly thought she had fallen asleep again, and kept relaxing against her body, listening to her breathing.

"Ivar" it was the first time he had heard her saying his name, and it sounded so soft with her voice... He looked at her, who had her eyes fixed on his Mjölnir necklace "Kiss me?"

It sounded more like a question than a demand. Edlynn wasn't nearly ready when she felt his strong hand around the side of her neck and his lips pressed against hers. She sighed in delight and kissed him back, grabbing his arm shyly. She had missed his kisses so much... What would she do without them? 

Ivar deepened the kiss, making Edlynn moan quietly and mover her hand to his face, cupping hit softly until her fingers touched his hair. Ivar's hand roamed down her body, settling on her waist and nearly touching her ass. Things were getting out of control, and Ivar didn't know how much he could keep things... Like that. 

Edlynn moved even closer, and now he could feel her breasts against his bare chest. Ivar sighed and smiled against her sweet lips, tightening his grip around her waist. They broke the kiss to breathe, and Edlynn smiled brightly at him before leaning in to kiss him again. 

"We can stop whenever you want" he groaned as her thigh pressed against his cock, making it twitch. 

"I don't want to stop" she replied, frowning, and he nearly laughed. 

Edlynn was serious. She had heard about it more than once, her whole life everyone assured that it was painful and not enjoyable at all for women, but everything Ivar did in that moment felt good... Why wouldn't that feel good then?

"I thought you weren't allowed to do this" he panted as Edlynn's lips landed on his jaw softly. Her kisses were shy, inexperienced, innocent... Completely different from Katia, Freydis or Margrethe, the only women he had ever kissed, but just as effective. 

"I'm not" she giggled "Should I stop?" 

"No" Ivar groaned and tightened his grip on her waist. If they stopped now, he was going to go crazy. He had tried to erase her body from his mind since he saw her in the river that day, and he had failed. 

"I want to do this" she muttered, interrupting their kisses to look at his eyes again "Because I've been told men like it, a lot" she blushed, but the darkness hid it "And I want you to remember me"

"Trust me, princess" Ivar squirmed under her, his body reacting to her closeness "I was going to remember you anyway"

When they kissed again, he tugged at the skirt of her dress, nearly moaning when he finally was able to touch her bare skin. It was soft, warm, and Ivar felt her stiffen when he caressed her leg. Her hand traced the ink lines of his chest as his lips traveled down her neck, Edlynn gasped and let out a shaky breath, biting her tongue. She was supposed to be silent, right? 

"Women can also enjoy this" he said against her skin, his fingers reached her inner thigh and Edlynn's muscles tensed under his touch "Want me to show you?" 

He smirked when she nodded shyly. Edlynn was biting her lip and looking down in curiosity, even if she couldn't see his hand approaching her sex. Ivar wasn't too sure of what he was doing, but kept reaching until he finally touched her, and Edlynn let out a strangled sound and he quickly looked at her. She had closed her eyes and her nails were digging on his skin. Ivar kept caressing her folds until he reached the place that made her jump and moan loudly. 

Edlynn quickly covered her mouth as Ivar smirked with pride and started circling his fingers as his brothers had said more than once. He would have loved to go down and kiss her properly, but didn't want to scare her so soon. 

When Ivar finally pressed two fingers to her entrance, Edlynn opened her eyes, looking both aroused and confused at the same time. 

"Relax" he whispered, reaching to kiss her softly "How does it feel?" 

She was gasping, but managed to reply with a small moan and a frown. 

"Weird" she muttered "But... Good" 

"Good" he nodded, and increased the pace, making Edlynn moan again and grab his arm "I've got you, princess" 

She was shaking between his arms as he started curling his fingers inside her, enjoying the way her walls clenched around them and the incoherent moans she let out. His hand was covered with wetness, and finally Ivar retrieved his hand, making Edlynn whimper in protest. 

But he needed both hands to tear that stupid dress apart. 

She gasped and blushed when he finally was able to throw the pieces of fabric away, to reveal her entire naked body to his eyes. Ivar growled and his lips collapsed against hers again. His hands were everywhere, touching her breasts, her belly and her ass at the same time, and soon his mouth followed them. She nearly felt overwhelmed, where she expected pain and discomfort she only got pleasure, a different kind of pleasure, and she needed more, so much more. 

Ivar finally pushed her to lay down on the bed, and moved to crawl between her legs to keep kissing her. 

"Want me to fuck you, princess?" 

Edlynn widened her eyes, but her legs tightened around his waist and Ivar put his pants down just enough to free his cock. He enjoyed the surprise on her face when she saw it, not used to women being impressed by him. 

"Look at me" he muttered, noticing how she grew nervous "Do you trust me?"

Edlynn allowed herself to get lost into his eyes again, nodding slowly and grabbing his neck as he pressed into her slowly. Ivar needed all of his willpower to keep a slow pace to avoid hurting her too much. She scrunched her nose in pain and closed her eyes. Ivar wasn't an expert, but he knew that, for women, it was painful the first time. Her little shrieks of pain brought back some not very nice memories from his own first time. 

"Hey, princess, open your eyes" he stopped moving, even if he was already shaking from feeling her tight walls around him, when Edlynn obeyed, she had tears in her eyes "Am I hurting you too much?" 

She shook her head and licked her lips. 

"Just a bit"

"I'm sorry" he kissed her temple and let out a shaky breath "I promise it gets better" 

His own eyes were fluttering and he could barely stay still. 

"Keep going" she muttered "I'll be fine"

As he started moving again, Edlynn felt the pain fading slowly. It didn't became pleasurable, like it had when he had used his hand, but it became more... Tolerable. She even felt some pleasure, and it wasn't as bad as she thought, in fact, she enjoyed the way Ivar muttered some strange words in Norse she couldn't understand, and how he moaned and sighed against her skin. It was truly a sight, to see him with his eyes closed in pleasure, enjoying her body in ways she never thought anyone would. 

When Ivar finished, he captured her lips with his again, drowning the sounds they both made as he finally stopped moving. His forehead rested against hers, and their hands were intertwined. None of them said anything at first, enjoying the feeling of being so close, and Ivar let himself hide his face in her neck, sighing. How was he going to let her go now?

___________________________________

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