#so i dont have to learn and familiarize myself with new stories

[chatonyant]

One day I'll find a good way to map out my stories to better plan them out, both in world-building ways and plot ways

Problem is is that when I physically begin to write them down I end up losing a lot of motivation behind it and sometimes just straight up forget I have it

Plus writing in notes is somehow different from slamming into a chat and monologuing about some ideas, which somehow gets the ideas flowing better?

But if I only brainstorm in my head, things get floaty since it's hard to keep track of everything at once without it in front of me and yet making it so that it's in front of me is so very hard lmao

Also just getting started on brainstorm is like a Russian roulette– will I have an idea that will snowball or will I go "im going to think about the importance of face paint today" and then immediately get distracted

[freshlove-sturn]

house on the cape.

pt 1 pt2

based on last friday’s video bc im obsessed with it. (events that happened in the vlog may not be in order just so the story flows how i want, also might add or get rid of some things for that same reason ofc). definitely gonna be multiple parts if yall like it so please let me know!!

summary: when the triplets come back home from la, they reunite with their favorite summer tradition, staying in the house on the cape. amidst all of the familiar laughter, and reminiscing on old memories, y/n can’t ignore the feeling stirring in her heart. something that went deeper than friendship. as she grapples with the fact that her feelings for her lifelong best friend, matt, are more than what’s just at the surface, she must learn to navigate and balance the unspoken feelings, and the gut wrenching fear of risking it all.

a/n: sorry guys but i think im scrapping all my old fics. i just have lost interest in them and i dont want to give yall something that i just half assed yk. i just need something new 😖🙏 don’t hate me pls. also i didn’t proof read and i never do so hopefully this all makes sense LMAO

……………………..

“BOYS TRIP!” chris shouts through the house.

the triplets are back in boston from being in la. i’d be lying if i said that i didn’t wish that these visits would last forever. being across the country from my best friends sucked.

“oh yeah , and you’ll be there too. you’re one of the boys.” chris points at me, smiling before loading the car with our bags.

“chris please never say that again.” i cringe, but fail to keep in my laughter.

“i agree. that was disgusting.” nick chimes in.

“just wanted to make sure you know you’re included.” chris throws his hands up in defense.

“thanks.” i smile and shake my head before getting in the car.

we were staying at their house in cape cod, something all of us looked forward to each summer growing up.

we arrive at nate’s house to pick him up. after the group effort of showering him in compliments for his new hair cut, we get back in the car.

sandwiched between nick and nathan, i check the time on my phone. nick grabs my wrist and moves it out of the way to give himself a better view of my lock screen.

“that is such a cute picture.” he says admiringly. it was a picture of matt and i. the picture was taken from behind while matt gave a piggy back ride back to the car because my feet hurt from wearing heels to madison’s concert.

“you took it.” i laugh.

“i know. i really out did myself huh.” he hypes himself up. i smile and roll my eyes.

once we get to the cape house, we unload the car. all of our bags scattered haphazardly throughout our respective rooms. the same rooms each of us have stayed in for years. nate with chris, nick with matt, and me, having been the only girl, with my own room.

“let’s go to the beach!” nate walks out into the kitchen, clapping his hands together.

…

the beach was just within walking distance. matt and i fell behind the rest of the group.

“i’m so glad you’re back.” i tell him.

“me too. i missed you.” he replies.

“i missed you too.” i admit. “a lot.” i look up and meet his eyes. we just stare at each other for a second. we didn’t really need to say anything. it was almost just a mutual understanding that each other were our favorite person.

if only he knew the extent.

the only person i’ve confided in about my feelings for matt was nate. which was precisely why he kept shooting me knowing glances anytime matt and interacted. nate swore that he knew i was in love with matt for years, before i even knew myself.

i can’t exactly pinpoint when i fell in love with my best friend, but i do remember when i realized.

flashback

matt and i sit together in the hammock string between two large oak trees in the backyard of the cape house. the gentle breeze swaying us back and forth softly. the sun was going down just to the right of us. beautiful pink and orange hues paint the sky.

“i could stay right here forever.” matt breaks the silence that had fallen between us.

“me too.” i reply softly.

“oh hey i have something for you” he digs his hand around in his pocket and pulls out a baby pink seashell. he hands it it me.

“i’ve never seen a pink one like that before.” he tells me as i admire the gift.

“me either. i love it. thanks matt.” i smile sweetly at him.

“of course.” he returns the smile.

i feel the heartbeat in my chest racing and my cheeks heating up. the feeling i had been carrying around with me for quite some time became abundantly clear.

i was in love with my best friend.

when i got home that night, i tied a string around the shell, and wore it as a necklace. and i haven’t taken it off since.

end of flashback

that was back when we were 16. 4 whole years i’ve gone hiding my biggest secret from the one person i told everything to.

our gaze was interrupted by chris. “jesus, yall are some slow pokes” he hollers back at us.

we both laugh and pick up out pace.

soon we arrive at the beach. i’ve always loved the beach. it truly is my happy place.

especially when i’m with matt.

nick snaps pictures here and there.

“oh my gosh matt look! this is just like your tattoo!” i hold out a shell to him.

“oh shit you’re right.” he holds out his arm, revealing his tattoo.

“that’s sick.” chris admires the similarity while nick takes a picture.

…

later that night, we all sit in the living room debating on what movie to watch.

“chris im not watching planet of the apes again. we’ve watched it like 9 times already.” nick argues, shutting down chris’s pleads.

“how about grown ups?” matt suggests.

“yes i love that movie.” nate agrees.

“that’s fine with me.” nick shrugs and starts typing it in.

“is that good with you?” matt leans down to where i was sitting in front of him, his voice soft and genuine.

“yeah that’s good with me.” i tell him.

he smiles and pats the spot on the couch next to him, gesturing me to come sit up there with him. i stand up from my spot on the floor and sit down next to him. he drapes a blanket over the both of us.

about an hour or so into the movie, my eyes get heavy. i lean my head on matt’s shoulder, to which he responds with wrapping his arm around me. this was nothing out of the ordinary. there’s pictures going back to when we were in preschool of the two of us practically fused together passed out on the living room floor.

suddenly, a gentle shake of my shoulders woke me up from a sleep i hadn’t even known i fell into. my eyes flutter, slowly regaining focus. when they do, i’m met with matt’s gentle blue eyes.

“hey, you wanna go lay down in your bed? i don’t want your neck to be sore.” he asks, genuinely concerned for my comfort.

i look around, everyone else appeared to have gone into their rooms.

“yeah i probably should.” i say through a yawn.

matt grabs my hand and helps me stand up from the couch. we walk down the hallway. my room came before his and nicks.

“goodnight matt.” i say, slowly turning the doorknob.

“goodnight y/n. see ya in the morning.”

i toss and turn in bed, unable to fall asleep. i stand up from bed, and leave my room. slowly making my way to the kitchen to get a drink, careful to not wake anyone up.

i open the fridge and grab a water. before i can take a sip, i hear a familiar voice behind me.

“can’t sleep?” the sudden breach of silence made me jump a little. i turn around and see matt. he was leaned up against the door frame. his sweatpants falling dangerously low on his figure, his arm under his shirt itching his shoulder, exposing his midriff.

“nope. you?” i set my water down on the counter.

“hm mm” he replies.

we stand in silence for a few moments before matt breaks the silence again.

“wanna go to the beach?”

….

a/n: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LMK IF YALL LIKE THIS. SUGGESTIONS ALWAYS WELCOME AND MY INBOX IS ALWAYS OPEN 🙏 i’m using my old taglist, so lmk if you want taken off or added to it!

taglist: @honestlybabymiracle @pepsiimaxx @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattestrella @luvmxtt @rac00ns-are-c00l4

[umbreoncomplex]

can i be honest? im really happy about buck being bisexual. yada yada oh but he didnt kiss eddie. whatever. okay? ive been with this show since that fateful night in january 2018. id seen the previews and ads for the show for a while and so i awaited the night eagerly and watched the premiere episode with my mom. this was 6 years ago, and i was young, and still new to being queer, and to me that was something you kept secret in online chatrooms and fanfiction read in the dead of night. i was young, and maybe trans maybe lesbian. and you weren't supposed to be those things in the "real world". and this is a truth i keep in my mind for a while. and then, i dont remember when, but we are introduced to karen. hens wife. these two become the first queer people ive seen on screen outside of online circles. away from fanfiction and cartoons. and they feel so real. so tangible. and i feel seen. because maybe ive met queer people before. but we were always tucked away into the digital world. this was cable tv. this is what everyone could see. and this meant there were dozens and dozens of people behind the scenes letting this be real. and in that moment i felt everything could be okay. and i found lonestar, i found paul, and by now i was familiar with queer people in media and in real life but paul was a trans man on tv and this was so new to me and once again i felt comforted. felt seen. i smiled when owen helped paul with skincare in that one bathroom scene and it was normal and okay. but heres the thing. these were queer people established from the beginning. and they have always been queer. and i love them for that. i love hen and i love paul and i love carlos and i love tk and i love nancy. but we have never gotten to see discovery yet. and ive been with this franchise 6 years. ive had all these queer headcanons in my head, some big ones i knew could never be true, but that's okay, because i could still imagine them and discuss them with friends and make them real to myself. and while buck being bi was plausible, maybe far more likely to happen than any other headcanon i had, i was familiar with this show. queer identities had been established from the beginning. you knew from the get go if a character would be queer or not. and so i expected this status quo to stay. and yet it didnt. because on the 100th episode of this show thats carried me through these psst few years, buck kissed a man. or more accurately, was kissed by a man. and he wasnt disgusted. wasnt appalled. didnt pull away. he reciprocated. and this wasnt like with tk. this isnt oh haha some guy thinks buck has a crush on him and buck is bewildered because oh! he's obviously straight. this is a kiss. and he kissed back. and when he lets go hes shocked. surprised. but not bothered. this is bucks "oh" moment, even described as such by oliver stark. this is a beginning. this isnt a scene they're going to throw away, but a story theyre starting. and it's going to be something entirely brand new for 911. because now we can see someone grow into their identity. accept it. learn to be themselves proudly. ive loved buck since day 1 of this series, and i cant help but feel proud. and i know he's just a fictional character yada yada who cares. but i care. because ive watched his story for 6 years. his struggle to love himself. to accept he can be desired and cared for. and hes been getting better. but now hes been introduced to something new. and now he must love himself in a new light, learn to love himself through change, and not just as a static personality. and im happy. and i wont stop being happy. and oliver stark said "you were right". and i was. and i cant believe i am. that this story can exist outside of my head. outside of online chatrooms. outside of fanfic. and it feels poetic, to watch buck come into himself in real time like this

[luffythinker]

can i introduce to my latest obsession?

Astro royale

i come from my hero so i keep calling their powers "quirks" but it's like my hero except family centered and we are smack dab in the middle of "quirks" being a thing, and everyone is using their powers to try and rule the world sort of. everyone says this manga is trash but i look on twitter and everyone says the author is cooking every chapter, and i was reading it myself cause i remembered after tokyo revengers ended they said the author was making a new manga and it looked interesting so i picked it up not many days ago

people were complaining about how the artist style is "stiff" and other stuff that doesn't matter like "hating the designs" and "the story is dumb" or something stupid like that that makes me feel like they didn't read it or just hate this creator cause he ended his other manga in a way that upseted ppl, but i love this manga so far 12 chapters in and it's such a good story and i got attached to the characters so fast i love my kids so much and i love this manga and i want other people to love it too

it's like, theres a yakuza family ok? and there are 20 brothers? i think or less, the protag is the only blood related brother everyone else is adopted from rival gangs or whatever, and the father wants him to be the next leader - if something happens to him - i don't wanna spoil it but it happens in the first chapter and it's part of the plot but the dad yeah he kicks the bucket and tells protag your gonna lead this organization, the shooting stars fall everyone wishes on their items and gets super powers based off their wish and now everyone's fighting to be the top dog BUT WITH POWERS

they are literally my favorite little guys ever, please give it a read or add it to your list it's so interesting to me

okay this is either gonna be really funny or just really awkward 😭

i actually know and have read this manga, i know wakui from tokyo revengers a manga series i really really loved and followed it until the end, and yeah im one of the people that wasn't happy with the ending for many reasons.

so when i heard he was making a new manga i was skeptical but still wanted to give it a try bc tokrev really captivated me from the first couple of chapters, i think for someone that isn't familiar with his writing style and art astro royale can feel really good!! so i totally understand the people that like the manga, but I think its a bit unfair to say other people (like old tokrev fans) complain about "things that don't matter", because yeah some of his art is a bit stiff, but for me my main issue is that i couldn't really connect with the characters because they look a LOT like a lot of other tokrev characters, so in my brain it's a bit difficult to fully separate the characters i knew and loved from these new ones that look a either exactly like one of them or just a mix of others (but this is my personal issue with the manga), i read it up until chapter 10 and i wasn't really feeling it so i dropped it for now, i might give it another try in a few months

now about the story itself I think the idea and plot is really cool, i was super curious about the idea of people getting powers associated with something that is personal to them, im not really big in yakuza/mafia plots tho so that wasn't a selling point for me, but i totally understand for people who are interested in this concept that the story would be really cool to see it developing

so yeah i dont hate astro royale, i dont hate wakui, but I can understand the feelings of people who were not satisfied with the end of tokrev as well, this would create a certain skepticism to how we will handle this story. what i can say is that hopefully he learns from it, because his story telling and character build in tokrev were pretty amazing for like 70% of the manga, i was begging my friends to read it a couple of years ago so i do think he is super talented, and i really hope he can have a good run with astro royale! and i hope you keep enjoying the story

[bunny-heels]

i saw your post about not rebloging from people who are proship and if im being honest, that mentality terrifies me as someone who just learned this word. what if there is a new word that circulates in places im not familiar in and i get blacklisted for just rebloging something specific without seeing the entire blog? i really try to stay on top of all this lingo but it gets tough. also is bdsm proship? bdsm is not a cover for abuse even if people try to use it as such, when done responsibly and in the right communities that value safety as a first rule they often are more aware of harm and the reduction and prevention of it then movements that wont allow the depiction of stories that help survivors identify their abuse. am i proship if i appreciate a artful depiction of an abuse in tv that helps me learn how to recover in a healthy way and find skills to help others not get hurt the ways i had to? am i proship for making jokes that might read as hurtful to an outsider who dosnt know my relationship to my friends/partner? im sorry i just want to understand the line here so i can understand the harm these people are actually doing.

i think youre just terrifying yourself, friend.

proshippers only have 3 terms they use, as far as i know; proship, comship [meaning complicated ship], and darkship [meaning dark topic ship].

you won't be blacklisted just because you reblogged a post created by a proshipper, especially if you dont follow the person who created the post and you didnt know they were a proshipper. stuff like that happens all the time, and not just with proshippers. lots of people unknowingly reblog from terfs, racists, nazis, zionists- hell even i've reblogged posts made by people who were like that. but if youre followers actually know who you are, then they'll know it was a mistake, and they'll likely warn you politely about it just to watch out for you.

BDSM is not proship. BDSM has to do with rough and physically tasking acts in sex that are discussed and consented on extensively. lots of people into BDSM, such as subs and doms, will tell you that they regularly check on each other and have a system to let them know if they're okay or need a break or if something goes too far.

plus i myself am into some extreme things that i would never do in real life, let alone without someones consent. its either a 100% yes or there's no doing it all.

liking media with depictions of harmful topics that put it in an educational or meaningful light is also not proship. one of my favorite indie games is My Eyes Deceive, which i find to be a beautifully morbid game that touches well on the topic of abuse towards children and shows how horrific it can really be.

not proship for making jokes either. i'm friends with a chick who we both used to date the same guy who turned out to be a pedo. we often joke about how we were victims of grooming because really, we were.

checkin to see if a person is a proshipper isnt something scary or even that hard to do you'll find. i mean, if you'd make an effort to check if the youtuber youre watching is racist or if the twitter acc youre following is a nazi, then i dont see it as a lot of work to go to a persons blog and double check to make sure they arent a creep.

which btw, you'll know instantly if they are. everyone on this site is not afraid to say what they like or what theyre into. there is a good 90% chance that if the blog youre checking is proship safe, then they will proudly say it on their pinned post or carrd or whatever they use to put their info. its not too hard to spot.

buddy, you have nothing to worry about, and i promise you its not that hard to be a good person. you see someone who has shitty ideals? just block and move on. you didn't know the person you interacted with was shitty? delete it, block them, and move on. like avoiding a food you find gross in a buffet or taking out the trash. you'll be fine.

[sunstranded]

INTJ: Lack of Data to process

I am an INTJ (NiTeFiSe) and as an Ni-dom there's four things to note:

Ni is a perceiving function basically it gathers information. But it doesn't gather anything of the sensory, Ni stands for Introverted Intuition which means it gathers abstract ideas or unerlying principles of sense data or just about anything.

Ni is Introverted, this means it does not actively seek or get energized at new information. It's connecting dots internally with the concepts it thinks is relevant to what it wants to paint.

Ni as a dominant or savior funtion (xNxJs) is always deducing at the back of a person's mind so sometimes they can come up with a conclusion that no one can see a direct relevance or connection to. Sometimes this deduction is seen and acted upon blindly, so if you ask any Ni dom they're reluctant to answer or outright fail to.

Ni is has a polar opposite Se, thatif you're an Ni dom, you appreciate Se but you suck at it. An example is Ni doms having no outward awareness of their surroundings or the reason for the effect/reactions they get. But because they appreciate Se, they study these sense-data in an impersonal or detached ways. Making them experiment and be unorthodox weird people that do not confide with the norm not to be "different" but because they just dont really care for it.

Missing Information: the Ni and Se

Given that conext it makes sense why I become a bit obsessive with missing information and lack of data irks me. I'm leading with an introverted perceiving function so I'm always trying to gather information and paint a picture. If I got none of the Se data (i.e. observable instantaneous or new experiences with the senses) I get crazier with my Ni as I narrow down what I know further with what I have. So imagine if I have so little information about fear, I can make a very weird conclusion that may be true. For example my conclusion is fear is due to lack of control caused my not knowing. People could agree or not but I won't be able to defend myself unless I've searched and had data. This is why I often don't share anything. I don't share things that are not conclusived or backed by data/concepts that people are familiar with.

Fiction and Ranting: Te and Fi in action

In creative fiction writing, the Se-data I seek is the feedback that point out something about the chapter or story that makes me want to write more. That's why in writing, I love and prefer wheebyul the most. But when actually sharing, wheesun is what I prefer. This is because of the interactions I've had and I am sure to get if I share wheesun. It's annoying because I don't want to be seen as a liar either. I like wheebyul more but the very point of me sharing my work is to learn more about the effects it has to readers; so if I don't get it with wheebyul, I just dont share. Even if I write and think about them often.

It's also very apparent that wheesun works I have are from the requests and this is one proof that I don't like it as much as wheebyul. My wheebyul is of my own idea, I'm personally attached. But wheesun to me is more fun to share because the feedback is always there. And it's ensured to be thre if I take a request instead.

It has no malintent. I don't want to steal, I always try to credit and say it's a request when someone is complimenting the idea. But I just said it because it's been irking me... that's what a rant is. This part of me suddenly ranting ships is another thing I can relate to being INTJ. My second function is Te, when I've gathered data that is useful to me and Te judges it as an efficient tool to surve a purpose; I do it again to fulfill that. Which is the very purpose of ranting. I rant but I'm very emotionally detatched from what I say. This is because ranting is my way to let go of what's in my head and move forward feeling lighter. Which is literally how people treat ranting. But obviously not everyone knows and uses ranting as a means of letting go in an emotionally detached way; some rant to connect emotionally and get advice. And I just want to make that distinction clear. The way I present and divert my rants into either an explanation about myself or into introducing my morals, my values, and my personal beliefs (this is Fi) despite my Te wanting that efficiency is what limits my Te from doing something I think is wrong. Such as going back on my word without telling someone. So often, I am very upfront and appear honest and dedicated when it's just my Fi telling my Te to accompany it in it's go-go-go tendencies. It's actively wanting to solve and do stuff often they clash because Fi hinders Te from executing something it thinks will benefit Ni's obsession with missing information. And this clash can lead to a vicious loop: Ni-Fi loop.

Ni-Fi Loop

Usually this isn't a bad thing to be happening because it happens often. Sometimes it happens when an INTJ tries to make sense of what they feel. But being stuck in this state or be in this loop is when things turn bad. This is because the solution is Te but the tempting thing to reach out is Se or the fourth/aspirant function. The loop skips the auxiliary or helper function (Te) of the dominant (Ni). When this happens, the Fi wants to go to Se if Ni is lacking that data. And Se is that function that seeks senses stimulating experiences but it is at the fourth therefore not used often, making an INTJ very unlike themselves and act unsustainably. If they seek Se when in an Ni-Fi loop, they get gripped into this, forgetting Te and Ni, worsening things. And this is avoidable by reaching out to Te or the tools INTJs have resorted to when things get emotionally confusing aka: ranting. Ni-Fi is that process of self-reflection that can turn out for the worse if it becomes a loop but Ni and Fi works out to have a direction that is distinct to a person.

This is why: it's me myself and I

This is why a lot of what I do seems about other people when to me it's all about me. I find it funny but sad because I leave an impression to be selfless kind and the like but when they get close and are too attached to that impression, they leave because it has always been not the most accurate... What you see on a person may not always be what they are, you know?

[yungviry]

reawakening

at the tender age of 27 (lol) i feel as if ive had a whole now outlook on life. it wasn't intentional in the sense i felt i needed to be a new person, but ive had it in the back of my mind for some time.

im not gunna sit here and front like ive been making something of myself. in fact, quite the opposite. ive made it my life's mission to be as chill as possible. or sop i thought. you see, im uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. I like knowing what i know and what im familiar with. i dont tend to deviate far from my point of comfort and its been that way since i could remember.

how is it i was a good student but come college im flunking my ass off if i wasn't literally breathing the material all day. the sudden fact that i wasnt just a natural was killing me. my ego was so punctured i had to quit. but that goes for a lot. my ego will get hurt but in turn so does my self esteem and my self worth. im still trying to make the disconnect between ego and self. cause who the fuck wants to live in their ego state forever?

im not sure if being a bad college student necessarily attributed to my demise altogether as a women in the 21st century. it forsure broke my heart a lot and made me mad, to to put the full blame on my actions on the fact that i didn't do so good during school may be a little silly.

the ego is a sensitive being that will really damage the rest of you if you dont learn to work it out. it lead to my demise with men, weed, money....

its just a lot

recently ive had life just punch me in the face and tell me its time i change the script. my ego is slowing falling down and im getting to see the person i am underneath the cool guy exterior. and for the most part im still the same cry baby lol. still the same girl who loves love and cartoons. loves to go get ice cream and go to the park with her sisters. still the same girl that likes to tease her dad and hug up on her mom.

im sorry tumblr viry, i know sometimes i feel like i talk in whim, but its t like save it for the book. i got so many juicy stories of my whole ass life and i could go into detail but its like for what. im gunna wait for my book to let loose. get all the expressions out and stop holding back my secrets.

memorial day was just something i wasnt expecting this year, my trip to the ER wasnt something i was expecting either. coming into this new era of who i am wasnt something i was necessarily ready for but im taking it day by day. thankfully i have my parents to help navigate the journey we call life. and no one is ever gunna make me feel bad for being able to depend on them.

[nabichoi26]

what anxiety feels like when living on it alone

the shift of the sun to the moon made me think how time pass so fast. i’ve always wondered why i have to live this earth at a certain stage, talked about being depress because of how i battle it all alone. 

no one knows why, i remember my first panic attack back on the year 2018. when my dad already left me in another country surrounded by familiar but unfamiliar people, the amount of pressure i feel, the unwanted feeling i didn’t want to show to people because all along i decided to keep them on my own.

then my lola was the one i treasured the most, but soon she left. she distracted me from the pain i was feeling and i know she understand why i live life like that. reasons why i barely visit her is because if ever i do, i’d feel like my life would always turn into fables, to short stories, to poems. being with her grave was a safe spot for me. 

i never got to tell the reason of my first panic attack, well i’ve always been in a shift of places. went from north to south people making me realize what’s wrong with my life and i was just seventeen, new in the world, trying to be okay, trying to save myself from the devastation i have gathered when i was young. the trauma i had, the pain i never realize that it was pain. there were alot of reason on my first panic attack, but i know my parents can’t do anything about it and that’s why i always wonder, will we have reasons to plot life together?

living on my own, surrounded by unfamiliar people i was scared to talk and i know they are too. as time pass by i tried to gain confidence but slowly i hesitate, anxiety of me thinking of possible reason why people never talk to me made me sad and hate myself. maybe these are reason, maybe i hated how i live, maybe im really not scared of death but im scared of the fact that i missed any good opportunities i have in my life. i’ve talked to many people with the same feelings but in different stories, we all dealt with this kind of pain in life but differently, i often ask “oh, why do i feel like the reason of my pain may seem to be less to how heavy it is for them”.

recently, anxiety has been with me again. not because of the amount of caffeine i have but rather because of how i always set my mind in a place whereas i always think i am not enough.

during my time in my internship i learned few things, i dont like it there. i just want the feeling of belongingness and i hate to think that people would judge me for who i am and i hate that fact. maybe i need to tell myself that a month as an intern was enough for me to realize what i am capable of and what i want in an environment, it was fun but i’m still looking for the reason “why” which make things complicated. 

ending this post with, its depression month again. not because of my fucking hormones but rather i feel less of myself again. like theres alot of things i need to deal with, finish and do. another progress of change is needed. 

[koushou]

Can you please do zhongli/rex lapis x fem shy reader. The fem reader is extremely shy and doesn't have any friends cause of her quiet and timid nature and she lives in liyue with her parents and an only child. She loves to story of rex lapis and the history of liyue and accidentally meet zhongli and sometime later he revealed to be rex lapis to the reader. Also, the fem is a villager of liyue and doesn't have super powers to fight just a weak villager.

fateful meeting

pairing : zhongli x shy f!reader {fluff}

warnings : none

word count : 2.6k

a/n : thank you for this request! I apologize for the wait, I dont think i made the reader as shy as you requested jshdjd sorry, i hope you enjoy !

Even as a child you had been fascinated by the stories of Liyue, or rather, a specific figure in its history. Perhaps, the archons have heard your passionate nature regarding Liyue, for a fateful meeting one day will change your peaceful life forever. 

Life was everything you could’ve ever wished for.

Only the soft, consistent chopping of a knife against a wooden cutting board and an occasional quiet flip of a page in a book could be heard in one of the many homes in Qingce Village. 

Sunlight seeps through the cracks of the window you sat by, casting a bright glow on the words inside the book in your hands, seeming as if the story itself was coming to life.

Well, not that the story wasn’t coming to life, it had already come to life, for you were currently reading about the history of your beloved nation, Liyue.

The book you were so engrossed in was not an unfamiliar story, having already read it a couple times. You would never grow tired of this one.

A smile played on your lips as you approached one of your favorite parts of this specific chapter. 

Softly fiddling with the corner of the thin page, your eyes scanned over the familiar words slowly.

Wielding a spear so sharp no blade could even hope to compete against, he emerges from the shadows, illuminating a golden aura around his built figure. In one swift motion, the polearm-wielding fighter sends a rumble through the ground beneath him, ridding of any enemies around him in a flash. A sigh leaves his lips as he removes his hood, examining his surroundings. A long ponytail of golden-brown hair trails down to his waist, flowing softly in the wind. His eyes the same shade, if anything more golden, slowly fluttering shut, head turning upwards, immersing himself in the soft breeze.

You pause and gaze out the window, sighing at the scene of hundreds of miles of tall mountains spread out all around, all thanks to one person. One archon, to be more specific.

About to flip the page once more to continue, you were interrupted by your mother’s voice calling out from the kitchen. 

“Y/N, dear, could you fetch me some berries down the river if you aren’t busy?”

You tear your eyes away from the book begrudgingly, calling back, “Fine, anything else?”

“Some sweet flowers and fowl would be great, thanks honey!”

You shut the book, placing it down on your table as you stand up to stretch, bones cracking at the movement.

As much as you wanted nothing but to snuggle back into your chair and immerse yourself back into the story, your parents were the most important people in your life, and you knew it was mainly up to you to take care of them.

Being an only child isn’t as lonely as people make it out to be, you get peace and quiet in the home, and you wouldn’t change it for anything else.

Kicking on your shoes you wore when you ventured outside, you picked up the basket that was used to collect food, as well as your hunting bow for the fowl.

You didn’t know how to fight, having spent your whole life secluded in the village, but you had enough hunting experience, at least.

About to head out, your eyes landed on the book now laying on the table and pondered for a moment, before grabbing it and placing it into the basket.

Despite your mother’s scolding about dangers reading outside, you just wanted a change of scenery while you lose yourself in Liyue’s history.

“I’m heading out now, Ma!” You call out as you push open the wooden door to your home, earning a hum from her in response.

The heat in Liyue would be pretty unbearable to outsiders, however having lived in the same village for almost all your life, it wasn’t anything new.

You hummed, greeting your neighbors occasionally with a wave, walking down to your usual place to fetch ingredients.

Finally reaching your destination not too far from the village, you crouch by the river as you picked the sweet flowers and berries your mother had asked for.

“Mmm, what else did she ask for again?” You thought out loud, forgetting the last ingredient, eyes landing on your bow.

“Oh right, fowl!”

You scan your surroundings, looking for any signs of birds, when suddenly you hear a sharp rustle of a bush behind you. 

Not having time to even turn around and investigate, a heavy weight pounced on you from behind, causing you to tumble forward.

You let out a yelp, feeling a pain through your arm that you had landed on, turning around to see the attacker.

Your eyes widened, seeing it had been a hilichurl that was currently standing above you, however, it didn’t feel like a regular hilichurl.

It had black smoke emitting around it, as if some type of curse had been placed on it, enhancing its strength.

The hilichurl spurt out some unintelligible words, before raising its bat and lunging at you once again.

You grab your bow beside you quickly, aiming at its head before completely missing due to your shaking hands.

Cursing under your breath, you pick up a rock and throw it weakly at the creature, causing it to stop only briefly before charging towards you again, seemingly more angered this time. 

This was it, you thought. All the time spent not learning how to fight, this must’ve been your punishment. 

You shield your face with your arms, hoping to at least lessen the impact, before hearing the hilichurl shout followed by a thud behind you. 

Moving your hands away from your head, you turn to see the hilichurl now lying unconscious a few feet away from you.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” 

A deep, masculine voice brings you out of your shock, as you turn slowly to meet your savior, instead met by a hand held out in front of you, offering assistance. 

Your eyes trailed up to the mysterious man’s face, before your breath caught in your throat.

A long ponytail of golden-brown hair trails down to his waist, flowing softly in the wind.

The man looked back at you curiously, hand still reached out toward you.

His eyes the same shade, if anything more golden.

Why were you suddenly reminded of those words in the book?

Your mouth gapes at the sight of the man above you, his presence bringing a strange feeling you didn’t recognize.

Your eyes widened. Could it be..?

“...excuse me? Are you alright?”

His voice brings you out of your daze once again, a worried look cast upon his handsome features. Wait, what?

It was only then did you realize how good looking the man was before you, turning red as you took his hand and stood up, wobbling a tiny bit.

“Thank you for saving me,” you bow slightly, quickly picking up your forgotten belongings on the ground, still flustered from the incident.

You were about to say goodbye and leave as quick as you could, before your book fell out of your basket and landed on the ground next to the man’s feet.

“Ah—“

The man bent down and picked up the book, about to hand it back to you, when he suddenly stopped and examined the cover.

You swore you could’ve been seeing things, but a small smile grazes his lips as he faces you.

“Are you also interested in the stories of Liyue?”

You stop in your tracks, turning to the man who was now flipping through the pages of the book to the section you had bookmarked prior.

His golden orbs now held an unreadable expression behind them, almost...nostalgic.

You felt a small surge of confidence as your favorite topic was brought up.

“Ah--yes, I am quite informed of the history of Liyue myself,” you smile softly to yourself, causing him to look up and chuckle.

“Is that so?” He hums, tilting his head upwards to face the blue sky, closing his eyes slowly. 

...slowly fluttering shut, head turning upwards, immersing himself in the soft breeze.

Your eyes widened at the sight.

There was no way.

But, there was no other explanation for it.

“May I...ask your name?” You ask carefully, awaiting his answer.

He shuts the book with a soft thud, handing it back to you to which you take back happily.

“I go by Zhongli.”

He offers you a smile, making your heart skip a beat and blood to your cheeks, as you stutter back your name in response.

“Be careful around these parts, monsters have been affected by some sort of spell here, making them stronger than usual,” he explains while putting away his spear he had used earlier.

Wielding a spear so sharp no blade could even hope to compete against.

There was no mistaking it.

“Are you perhaps--” 

You start to ask, gaining a curious gaze from him, however stopping in your words after realizing how bizarre you’d sound if you’d ask him the question you had been aching to voice since your meeting.

“Nevermind, I should get going,” You shake your head, thanking him once more before starting to walk away.

“If you’d like me to answer your question, meet me back here tomorrow, at the same time.”

Zhongli spoke behind you, making you turn and meet his eyes, which gazed back into yours almost knowingly. 

“But you don’t know what my question is,” you question, confusion evident on your features.

He chuckles again, the sound making you melt on the spot.

“Do not underestimate the geo archon.” 

With that, he disappears into the other direction, leaving you frozen in your place.

Did he just…?

A million thoughts were coursing through your head at the moment. But one thing was for sure, you couldn’t wait until tomorrow. 

--

That night, sleep did not come to you like usual.

With your head filled with thoughts about Zhongli, and his last words before departing, you were basically shaking with excitement.

Had you really met him?

Nevermind, your questions would all be answered the next day.

--

“I see you’ve arrived.”

Zhongli smiles at you, to which you return the gesture, still mesmerized by his delicate features to speak.

You had practically jumped out of bed this morning, making some jumbled excuse about fetching more berries and fowl to your mother, who was left dumbfounded.

Zhongli pats the spot beside him on the grass, and you notice his spear laying next to him on the other side.

Carefully sitting down next to the tall man, both of your backs leaned against the tree with its leaves above you providing minimal cover from the sun. It was then that you noticed the close proximity of your bodies, making you flush.

“So, would you like to ask me your question from yesterday?”

You bit your bottom lip nervously for a moment, before shaking your head and reaching next to you into the bag that you had brought. 

“Ah-- before that, Mr. Zhongli, you mentioned you are also interested in Liyue’s stories?” You pulled out the book from yesterday. 

He nods, as you flip open the book to the chapter you had bookmarked. The same chapter describing Rex Lapis’s first appearance.

“Just Zhongli is fine. And yes, I am also well-informed of the stories of Liyue. Would you like me to tell you some?”

You nod, showing him the marked section. “That would be nice, but could you answer this one question of mine first?”

He takes the book from your hands, bright pupils scanning over the words. A small breeze blew by just that moment, causing his long hair to lift slightly. The sunlight shone softly on his pale skin, giving him an almost ethereal aura.

You never thought someone could appear so calm and peaceful while reading a book.

“Yes, ask away.” 

He lifts his head up to meet your eyes, making you clear your throat, embarrassed you had been admiring him so openly.

Although that chapter remains your favorite chapter of all times, there had been one question that had stayed in the corner of your mind each time you read it.

“In that section, when Rex Lapis lifts his head and immerses himself in the wind, what do you think he was feeling? Satisfaction from eliminating his enemies? Or perhaps, tired from all the fighting in the Archon War?”

Zhongli hums, smiling gently at nothing in particular as he closes his eyes, lifting his head up towards the sky.

A small breeze passes by again, and you smile at the sight. You no longer questioned his true identity. You knew.

“That all may be true, however, I’d say he was feeling quite…” He pauses, as if trying to search for the right word.

“...saddened, almost.”

You tilt your head curiously, “Saddened?”

He nods, facing you, “Perhaps mournful, even. Have you ever wondered if Rex Lapis wanted to kill at all? Although those evil should be eliminated, they are still living souls, and perhaps he wished for everything to return to normal.”

Zhongli’s voice trailed off, as he held a sad feeling behind his eyes, making you unconsciously reach for his hand laying on his lap.

He looked at you in surprise at the sudden contact, and your eyes widened at your own actions, making a move to quickly retrieve your own hand, when he stops you.

 He brings the both of your hands together, now laying on his lap as red spreads through your cheeks.

The both of you sit in silence as a few beats pass, when he breaks the silence once again.

“I’d like to share with you some of my favorite stories of Liyue, would you be interested?”

You smile, nodding as he starts speaking again.

And he shares stories you’ve never heard before, or even some that you have, but a different version of. The difference in stories that you had believed your whole life made you surprised, not sure what to believe.

No, scratch that, deep down, you knew what to believe. Or, who to believe.

Zhongli shares his stories until it starts to become dark, to which he finally stops and suggests you return home.

“I’ll walk you home, it’s quite dangerous at night.”

You thank him, and you two start to make your way back, continuing to talk about Liyue and its fascinating history.

“Ah, it’s just right down there. Thank you for today, Zhongli.” You smile at him once again, ready to return before he stops you.

“Are you not going to ask me the question you had yesterday?” It was quite dark, so it was a bit difficult to tell, but you swore there was a slight smirk on his lips.

You laugh, shaking your head. “I’ve got my answer already.”

He raises his eyebrows, a teasing hint in his voice, “Are you sure, Y/N?”

Hearing your name roll off his tongue sent shivers through your body, smirking back at him.

“I’m quite sure, Rex Lapis.”

Zhongli opens his mouth to speak before closing, as deep chuckles ring through the night. Not long after, your own quiet giggles joining him. Finally, you both recover from your laughter.

“Goodnight then, Morax, you still have to share your stories with me tomorrow.”

He smiles at you, golden eyes shining even through the dark. “Same time?”

You grin back, before turning to return back to your home. “Same time.”

Maybe you’d ask him to teach you how to fight tomorrow.

On second thought, perhaps your lack of experience in fighting was a good thing. For because of it, you had met the man who only existed in books that you’d read everyday.

Your once peaceful life, although disrupted by the appearance of the one and only geo archon you admired so dearly, had now offered you something to look forward to each day.

[corvuscrowned]

how r so good at writing everytime i read something of urs i look at ur username and like go Ah This Looks Familiar and i discover that ive already read some of ur other stuff. whats ur secret. would love to know about ur Inspirations and such if u dont mind

hi!!!!! thank u so much for saying all of this and for all of your comments, they are all so sweet and make me really happy. i've been sitting on this ask because i really don't know how to answer it!!

i certainly don't have a "secret" to writing, tho if i did it might be the age old advice of writing a fuckton and reading a fuckton more, bc i think those are the two most valuable things to my writing... i've been writing for a very long time but only got into fic writing recently, and i find that it's really useful just to have a loooot of practice writing because it helps me learn my strengths and flaws and to iron out the kinks in my writing and to take my writing less seriously and allow myself to be experimental and have fun, which sounds a little woo-woo, but i truly think if you want to improve as a writer (which i know i do and it sounds like you do), finding the type of writing you enjoy doing and doing a LOT of it is extremely valuable. for me it was very important to learn the ways that perfectionism has been holding me back and trying to work on that, because just like any skill, it's vital to practice in writing to improve, and my perfectionism was stopping me before i even started a lot of the time. working on letting go of that was really useful bc even tho i still struggle with it a LOT, it goes a really long way to just commit to writing and enjoying something and seeing what happens and not being super attached to how the final product comes out.

as far as inspirations go, i definitely don't read as much as i'd like to, but when i do, i read a lot of literary short stories, which i think are really useful for learning how to maintain tension and focus on prose in shorter works. but i try to read pretty broadly across genres bc i think it gives me a more well rounded sense of how vastly different writing can be? it's hard to point to any specific writers i'd consider influential tho recently i'd probably name mariana enriquez, marilynne robinson, aimee bender, and gabriel garcia marquez as far as writers who really shaped the way i read and write... as far as fic writers go i think @letteredlettered, @shiftylinguini, and @firethesound really shaped my views of harry and draco and the tones i like to take up in fic. i also just watch a lot of horror movies and that has influenced my writing a lot too? i think film in general influences my writing more than i once realized

i have found myself often either intentionally or unintentionally emulating the prose styles of my favorite writers, and i think that has been useful for me - it's helped me sort of find my own voice, pick up things i like, put down things i don't like, and i think all writers' styles are sort of an amalgamation of their influences so i dont think it hurts to try things out and see what sticks. i've been writing fic for almost a year now and i think there's a pretty broad range of styles within my fics, which is all a result of me testing out new things and seeing which styles fit certain tones/topics!

but also!! i think doing what youre doing and talking to writers about their interests/methods/influences has helped me a LOT! that's something ive found super valuable within fandom - talking to people about their writing and learning about their techniques has been suuuper useful in figuring out what works and doesnt work for me!

dude idk if i really answered your questions at all?? let me know if you want me to ramble more about any of this (as if it's not already super long) and ur also welcome to hit me up on discord crow#5501 if you ever wanna chat! thank u again for being so sweet!!

[lubdubsworld]

Insatiable ( Jungkook x OC) Chapter 7

Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x OC

Rating 18+

Genre : Vampire Au!!!! , DILF! Jungkook ! Bodyguard AU! Babysitter OC!   Age difference!!!

Chapter 1   Chapter 2  Chapter 3    Chapter 4  Chapter 5   Chapter 6

Chapter 7

“I love this...” I whispered, arms wrapped around his neck, staring up into Jungkooks face as he rocked his hips against mine , hands stroking my hips gently as the hard length of him dragged inside me , almost gentle as he placed soft kisses on my brow. 

“What? “ he smiled. 

“You inside me... it feels.. i feel complete somehow..” 

He smiled sweetly, kissing the corner of my lips. 

“You’re so warm and wet and I think you’re perfect.” He breathed against my cheeks, pillow soft lips pressing smooches down my jaw and up to my lobe. 

“I liked ...tonight. “I said shyly and he grimaced.

“I may have gone a little overboard..” He said sheepishly, grunting as he thrust a little harder and I closed my eyes , savoring the feeling of him inside me. 

“But I liked it. Liked that I couldn’t even watch the fireworks because of ...well another kind of fireworks..” I laughed.

He grinned.

“ I aim to please.” 

“Good. Then why dont you hurry up and fuck me like you mean it.” I said with a wink and his eyes narrowed, flashing red.

“You never learn, do you angel?” 

I laughed as he pulled out and flipped me over, fingers sinking into hair, hand gripping my waist as he rove straight into me with a force that shook the bed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“On a scale of one to ten, how mad would your siblings be if you don’t go back to your bed tonight?” Jungkook whispered, burying his face in the slightly damp strands of my hair, breathing deeply before going back to running a small fluffy towel through the strands. 

I stared up at the ceiling , eyes at half mast because I was so sleepy, still pleasantly warm from the hot bath I’d just had . I was dressed in one of Jungkook’s big white t shirts , lying sideways on his bed with my head hanging over the edge because y hair was still wet. Jungkook being the perfect man that he was , was towel drying my wet locks for me. 

“Probably a twenty?” I grimaced. “ I need to be up early to go down to the kitchen. We’re taking the kids out to the park remember?” 

Jungkook groaned.

“Minae needs to be kept away from the sugar ... I am not going to piggy back her for two straight hours like yesterday.” He swore. 

i laughed, rolling over and smiling at him. 

“ She has a crush on you.” I grinned, waggling my eyebrows at him. 

He shook his head laughing. 

“I’m too old to be dealing with four year olds that have a crush on me., “He shuddered. I smiled, shaking my head because , Jungkook was the one who had begun helping out with the children and he was often the first to offer a piggyback ride to the kids. 

Being a single father, I knew he had experience with kids, of course. But still it was quite something watching him handle them with confident hands and a ridiculously kind disposition. And he didn’t shy away from  anything. Changing toddlers out of nappies, cleaning spit up off my office desk , even offering his nails for the smitten Minae to color with her markers.  

And it felt good to have him around, his presence somehow grounding me even during the most hectic of times. Story time with Mr. Jeon,  was fast becoming a thing, with Jungkook gathering all the younglings around him in a circle and regaling them with tales from his life ( a toned down, child friendly version of it of course ) while I set up the beds in the nap room, every afternoon. 

The kids slept for about an hour every afternoon and that was the time we ate our lunch, the workers heading off to the kitchen while Jungkook and I shared a meal cook sent up for us. The small stone bench on the yard was right outside the window of the nap room, and leaving the window open helped us keep an eye on the kids while we ate. 

Not too mention the effect it had on Joo Won. 

Although he spent most of his time with Somi and Jimin in the other cottage , learning his number work and language skills, he occasionally ran up to his father, eager to show off his work. Jungkook always dropped whatever he was doing to shower praises on his son and the boy thrived under the attention. 

The idea that I could do this with him for the rest of my life, was impossible to push out of  my head. 

But i wouldn’t bring it up. 

I would enjoy this , now while I had it and I would wait for him of course but I wasn’t going to play games with him. 

“I’m not meeting anyone else anymore.” I said quietly. 

He gave me a look. 

“anyone as in?..”

“Any vampires. potential suitors” I said with a shrug. “ I’m not going to. I’m going to tell my father I’m... not interested in it anymore.” 

Jungkook stopped his ministrations and gave me a guilty laden look.

“Sera, about tonight-”

“Don’t you dare apologize.” I glared at him. “ I loved it. I love you , as I’ve told you often enough and I also understand that you’re not there yet. and I can wait.”

Jungkook looked away.

“That’s not fair to you.” He said hoarsely.

“Maybe. But it’s still my choice. And My life. And if I choose to spend that life pining over you for the rest of eternity , that’s upto me.” I shrugged. 

He merely stared at me, lips turned down in a frown. 

“You’re too young to understand what you’re asking for Sera. You don’t realize how powerful you are. I’m not... I’m not good enough for you.” He shook his head. “ Far from it.” 

I rolled my eyes. 

“What does that even mean? You’re a vampire. There’s literally nothing that stops us from being together than your twisted belief that you aren’t good enough. Which is so baseless I could laugh. ”

Jungkook stared at me. 

“It’s not just about me. What about the kind of power you would have with the right vampire? not to mention the people in my life that  would want me fucking dead sera? You think everyone would just let it go? Me , a fucking nobody marrying the most adored girl in  our kind???  ” he laughed in disbelief. 

i frowned. 

“What do you mean ?”

Jungkook opened his mouth to elaborate but the door to his bedroom slammed open at that exact same moment and I jumped, terrified. Scrambling to my knees, I crawled back to the headboard just as Jungkook swore, moving to the door , bodychecking the figure that crashed through. 

“JEON FUCKING JUNGKOOK GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!!!!!” 

I felt my eyes widen in horror as my brother in law launched himself across the room, fingers closing right around Jungkook’s neck as he rammed into him, the two of them skidding across the floor and crashing into the ornate fireplace with a noise loud enough to wake the dead.

I stared, my brain unable to process what I was seeing. 

My sister appeared, eyes wild and panicked.

“Oh God... Sera I’m so sorry...he came to your room and saw you were gone...” she began but then stopped.  

Her eyes fell on the pandemonium in the corner and she yelped. 

“jIMIN!!!!” She screamed, rushing to the corner where the two vampires were locked together in a scuffle and the only thing I could think about was the fact that I was naked underneath his t shirt and if anyone else walked in-

“What is this ruckus?” The loud booming noise was familiar and terrifying and i squeaked, diving for the covers and crawling in as I stared horrified. The figure that appeared in the doorway was so imposing that all of us went still. Even Jungkook’s eyes widened as he took in the gargantuan man framed in the entryway. 

Hwang Jaebum was seven feet tall, 1800 years old and the scariest Vampire i had ever seen in my entire life. His skin was shriveled , his eyes permanently red and he stared at the two fighting vampires , now frozen and gawking at the towering vampire and he scrunched his nose in disgust before his red eyes flashed and landed on me. 

“There you are.” He said softly. “Sweet Seraphina.” 

The name, God.

 My uncle had named me and no one called me that but him. 

I swallowed, clutching the covers as sheer unadulterated terror coursed through my veins. I knew my uncle wouldn’t hurt me but still, power radiated off him in waves and I did not want to be on the receiving end of his displeasure. 

“Come here , child. Let me look at you.” 

I winced. 

Before I could react though, Jungkook was climbing on the bed, scrabbling to kneel right in front of me, arms stretched out to keep me from the vampire’s view. 

“Who the fuck are you?” He snarled and I gasped, stunned. God, Uncle Jae had killed people for less. 

I grabbed Jungkook quickly, pulling him back into my arms and away from the vampire who now looked suitably furious. 

“That’s my uncle. Shut up.” I hissed quickly. Jungkook didn’t show any sign of backing down, still crouched in front of me, muscles locked in a fighting stance and I clutched his shoulders, burying my face in his back. 

“Jungkook relax...” I begged but he merely grabbed my hand where it lay wrapped on his waist, squeezing gently. 

“It’s okay baby, I’m here.” He was still glaring at my uncle who peered over him to lock eyes with me. 

“Who is this? Why are you in his bed, Seraphina? “ My Uncles’ voice rumbled through the room, echoing off the rafters and Jimin and Somi scrambled to their feet. 

“Sire.... We didn’t know you were here already..” Jimin began, moving to stand in front of him but Jaebum ignored him, moving closer to the bed. 

“Who are you? Tell me now.” He snarled. 

I stared at the anger flashing in my uncle’s eyes  and I swallowed. 

“He is her intended, brother.” My father’s voice came from the doorway and i jumped a bit, staring over at the door. 

My father came floating in, face calm but eyes narrowed in annoyance as he stared at me. I found myself wilting under the glare. He was upset, Rightfully so. 

My uncle frowned, glancing at my father in disbelief. 

“She is betrothed?” He frowned. “ Why was I not informed of this?” 

My father gave him a reassuring smile.

“It is fairly new, this courtship. Jungkook and Sera are very fond of each other and they have my blessing.”

Next to me Jungkook had gone as pale as parchment. He moved up and away from me and my entire body went cold. 

I reached for his hand, flinching when he yanked it away.

Fuck.

Fuck. 

“I need to speak to the boy. What is your name boy?” My uncle growled at Jungkook. 

“Jeon Jungkook , sire.:”

He frowned.

“What clan are you from?” 

I flinched.

My father looked a little uncomfortable.

“Surely we can talk about this-”

“I was bitten , Sire.It’s just me and my son, now.” Jungkook’s voice was deep and steady and he stared right at my uncle. 

Uncle Jae’s eyes widened and then he stared at me.

“That is what you will settle for , Seraphina? A mongrel with tainted blood?” 

The sharp sound of hurt that came from Jungkook shattered my heart. 

But it was my father who growled, affronted. 

“That is enough. You are a guest , Jaebum and I will not have you insulting my daughter’s betrothed. Leave him be.”

My uncle laughed.

“It is not an insult. It is a fact...is it not, boy? Look at him... he knows his place. And it not by  her  side.” 

“Jungkook, don’t listen to him ...” i whispered feverishly , reaching for him again not letting him pull away and gripping his fingers hard. His fingers felt icy cold to the touch and there was no mistaking the sheer hurt radiating off his features. 

“Unless the girl is in trouble, I think you should sever the connection, Jaehyun.” My uncle snapped at my father . 

“We shall talk about this later. For now, I want you to remember your place, Jaebum. You have duties to attend to and my daughter’s choice is her own. I will not have you interfering in things that you aren’t responsible for.” My father’s voice was just as loud, radiated just as much authority and i had never loved him more. 

Jaebum scoffed once again before turning on his heel and leaving . I sagged in relief and Jungkook, got off the bed, moving away from me so quickly I felt like someone had stuck a knife in my gut. 

“Jimin and Somi, come. Jungkook , Sera. I want the two of you to come to my office after you fix yourself up.” My father said coldly. 

“Yes, Sir.” Jungkook bowed. 

“Yes,  father.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Father....I...”

“You slept with him. “ My father said thoughtfully and I stared at my feet. There was no point denying it. 

“Has he agreed to court you?” He said sharply. 

I looked up at him, biting my lips.

“No.” I whispered.

My father’s eyes widened and he shot me a glare that could melt gold. 

“He fed from you during the act?” He demanded. I felt the phantom throb in my thighs at the memory. 

“Yes, father. “ I admitted.

“Then I must ask. Was it consensual?  Did you influence him in any way Seraphina.” 

My heart turned over, tears springing at the accusation. 

“No... No .. I didn’t.. he doesn’t know.. he doesn’t even know I can do that.” I whispered. 

“Could you have done it unconsciously? If Jungkook fed from you and you were near him you could have convinced him to do anything. He wouldn’t have been able to consent. You know this, Sera. I don’t understand how you could be so reckless. We are not monsters. We know our limits and we stick to them for fuck’s sake.” 

“He... we... I... It’s my fault. He didn’t.. He didn’t want to court me so I convinced him we could just...fool around. That was all it was. He loves his son father. He’s only here to give him a better life. I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry for being so selfish and ..Please just don’t send him away. I’ll never meet him again if that’s what you want but please....don’t send him away. .” I stared at my father, feeling the tears sting. 

My father’s gaze softened but he sighed, shaking his head as he held his arm out. I walked into his embrace, letting the tears fall as I clutched his robe. 

“You have not been selfish, dearest. . But, no matter who are, we cannot covet what we are never meant to have . Jungkook is not for you.” He whispered into my hair and I felt my insides clench in rebellion, every part of me screaming in protest at the phrase. 

No.. No... he was mine.. he had to be mine....

I was his and he was mine.

“ I’m going to offer him the position as head of the security team.” My father aid gently and I shuddered. 

“Father..”

“It will pay well. He will be working from the administrative building close to me. . There’s no reason for your paths to cross. Namjoon will take over as your bodyguard from tomorrow.” 

i nodded. 

“I want you to remember who you are. What you are capable of. I raised you to be kind and gentle but that does not change who you are, Sera. It doesn’t change what you are.” he said gently, eyes firm. 

I swallowed.

“You may leave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook stared at the whiskey decanter on the table. watching Sera’s father pour him a drink. His eyes focused on the golden liquid, the way it caught the light and danced with all the colors of autumn. 

“I’m going to ask you one thing. I want you to answer me, as truth fully as you would your own father.” 

Jungkook was a father, himself. He knew the anger and trepidation in the man’s gaze was real. He knew exactly what it felt like, that desperate clawing need to keep your child safe. To destroy anything that dare hurt them. 

“Do you love my daughter?” The man’s voice shook a little. 

“I cannot court her.” He whispered. “ I’m not... I can’t. “

“That is not what i asked .” The older man said gently. 

He shook his head.

“I don’t have the right to feel anything but respect for her, sir.” Jungkook said softly. 

The vampire shook his head laughing.

“Your eyes tell me all you refuse to say, Jungkook ah. You care deeply for her, do you not?  it is obvious in the tremble of your hand. it was obvious in the way you stood up to my brother, when surely everything in your blood must’ve screamed to back away from a Vampire of such a high ranking. ” 

Jungkook clenched his fists. 

Sera’s father went on. 

“I know you love her and honestly, If you didn’t.... you wouldn’t be alive right now.” 

Jungkook winced. 

“Yes , sir.” He croaked. 

“I will destroy entire continents for my daughter. You know this. “ He said quietly. 

Jungkook nodded. He believed the man . 

“Which is why I must ask. Who is after you?”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped up, eyes widening in surprise. 

“Sir...”

“I’m not the head of the largest clan in the country for nothing. You are protecting your son...but from what? A man of your reputation , choosing to stay inside an estate , helping out with infants and children.... it doesn’t make sense. So tell me. What are you hiding from? And how can I help?” 

Jungkook stared at his hands. 

“It’s Joowon’s grandfather. The man who’s daughter I killed.” 

Sera’s father stiffened. 

“Ahh... yes. Gong Tae Kwan. An old nemesis .” He shook his head, sighing. “ You’ve made a powerful enemy , Jungkook.”

Jungkook nodded.

“I know. I’m no match for him. And I know he’s  not going to stop until he kills me and my son.” 

“You’re right. He’s not going to stop. Now, what so you want to do? Hide out till he finally catches up or confront him like the warrior you are?” 

“i can’t do it. I need to be here for Joo Won.... It would be suicidal...”

“ Only if you’re alone. “

“Sir?”

“It would be suicidal , if you were to confront him alone.” 

“Are you saying that...”

“I’m going to be there with you. We are going to lure the bastard out , and we are going to end this once and for all.”

“Sir, i can’t ask you to...”

“You’re not asking me damn thing kid. I’m doing this for my daughter’s sake. And you are going to repay me by making her as happy as you possibly can.” He said sternly. 

Jungkook flushed

“Sir.. I’m sorry I...”

“When this ends, and it will....you will court her. You will court her, because unlike what you think, you do not get to decide whether you’re worthy of being my daughter’s consort. She does.” He gave him a smile, reaching out and clamping a hand on his shoulder. “  If she chooses you it means you’re worthy. And she has chosen you , Jeon Jungkook . Don’t be the idiot who walks away from the best thing to ever happen to him, son. ” 

Jungkook stared at him.

He took a deep breath. 

“Yes, father.” He said with a small smile. 

The older man laughed out loud. 

“Excellent. Now come, we have a murder to plot. “ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : Well....now the plot picks up... :D :D feedback is always welcomed !! Come scream with me about how amazing Sera’s father is!!!!

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@nikkiordonez12​

drop me a message if i missed you name for the tag list Thank you. 

[animalinvestigator]

hello coda!!!! ur digimon posting is making me want to get into it but i am suddenly overwhelmed by the watch order lists theres so much digimons to be watchedt !!!!! what did u watch/play first what do u recommend....anyway keep doing ur thing safety!! love and light !!!

Hello anonymous. Sure thing, i can give you some reccomendations, BUT please know that i am a relative digimon n00b myself, so this may or may not be good advice, but this is what i've learned and maybe it will help.

in terms of digimon youre not missing much if you either choose to only watch the anime or only play the games -- one or the other doesnt really rely on information for the others, so if you want to watch the anime the games are optional and vice versa. they're fun tho.

for anime here is the situation: digimon adventure and digimon adventure 02 are one continuity, and then all subsequent seasons exist in different universes with different rules.

which season i reccomend you watch first depends on what you are looking for in a show to begin with. Adventure is the first season, and generally the one that most people will reccomend you start with. However adventure is very much a purely saturday morning cartoons type show, with a pretty consistent monster of the week formula, weak characters and not the strongest story -- it's really fun, but personally, i really value compelling consistent character writing above pretty much anything else in a show, so as im watching it i get the sense that if i had started htere, i would have stopped 15 episodes in and never watched another digiman again.

i started with digimon tamers (the third season, and first in a new continuity), which is much more character driven + more emphasis on narrative, and if that's what you value like i do, i really reccomend you start there. its really a fun and compelling show. and, since it stands on its own, you don't really need to know the "rules" of digimon very well, or be familiar with any other media in the series to watch it. (BTdubs the rules of digimon change slightly in every continuity so keep on your toes)

ONE more thing i will add before i start listing the orders i reccomend, is that you should really watch the first ever movie before you watch digimon adventure, it is required reading before you watch digimon adventure. You could watch it before tamers too, if you want. its extremely good so you should really just watch it whenevr yoyu want. But make sure to watch it before digimon adventure because digimon adventure takes place in that timeline. and i cannot stress enough that it is insanely good.

SO. FOR the shows, here are my reccomended orders:

If you prefer monster-of-the-week, fun goofy over-the-top 90s shounen played completely straight:

Digimon adventure (the 1999 movie) -> digimon adventure (the 1999 show) -> digimon advnetuer 02 (unvetted i havent gotten this far) -> tamers and continue on chronologically

IF you prefer more character driven, subversion and narrative driven writing:

digimon tamers -> Digimon adventure (the 1999 movie) -> digimon adventure the 1999 show -> digimon adventure 02 and so on and so forth.

Keep in mind as of right now ive only watched tamers and adventure -- everything else is just me filling in the blanks with the knowledge ive gained from my intent research : )

Im unfamiliar with where the 2020 digimon adventure reboot and the tri shows fall on this list but since the reviews ive seen of adventure 2020 are generally unfavorable and tri is like a continuation of the original adventure (I fucking think dont quote me i havetn messed with tri) you should just ignore those for now.

as for the games generally people reccomend digimon world for the psx or one of the more recent installments in the digimon story continuity like cyber sleuth. i've played both and they're great places to start! cyber sleuth can be a slog and digimon world is very obtuse but they're very fun if youre persistent.

OK hope that helps!!! Sorry i talked a lot ^-^

[outrunningthedark]

am i the only one sick to the back fucking teeth of seeing people scream misogyny when someone dislikes ana or taylor? because theyre the literal only two characters i ever see people causing discourse over but nbody screams racism or homophobia if you dont like athena/karen/hen

like wtf is it w ana/taylor stans that if you so much as say theyre not interesting youre suddenly a misogynist who doesnt deserve to be in the fandom??

like im sorry ones a complete bitch and the other is so 2d shes like a sheet of paper but how am i supposed to like them when i have characters like maddie, athena, karen, hen, mrs lee, sue, may and the others??

misogyny is hating a woman because shes a woman not hating her because shes a bad fucking character

I debated answering this because ~discourse~, but what the hell, right? I saw a post today throwing Shannon's name in the mix along with the other two and once again I am here to say that unless you grew up with a parent like Shannon Diaz, you will not understand why her characterization 1) was accurate and 2) was necessary. Yes, the feel-good story would have been for Shannon to redeem herself and finally learn to be the mother Christopher deserves, but that's not reality. Not every child, never mind every disabled child, is blessed with a mother who is happy to care for them even though it's more work than they bargained for. My mother would BE Shannon Diaz if she followed through on her plans to leave. Instead, I deal with her resentment day in and day out. (And before anyone attacks me for openly discussing my ~trauma~, please understand I'm too damn old to be embarrassed about the life I was given. I didn't choose to be physically disabled. My mother, however, had a choice in how she handled my disability.) Moving onto T*ylor: I'm pretty certain 98% of the fandom "hating" on Taylor identifies as part of the LGBTQ+ community (I know, like, two straight gals who aren't here for her???), so please consider the source(s) of this alleged misogyny. Maybe, just maybe, we're tired of forced het romances because they're safer than the alternative? Maybe, just maybe, we don't like her setting boundaries twice (and getting praised for it!), only to be *shocked* Buck didn't chase after her? Maybe, just maybe, we would rather T*ylor's screen time be devoted to the characters who barely get exposure as is? Y'no...Karen? Michael? David? The LGBTQ+ rep y'all love to hype up as a reason we don't NEED canon!Buddie? I also prefer more Eddie and Christopher scenes over T*ylor's news reports and "detective work", thanks. A*a: People are allowed to not fuck with this one if the fact that she's being portrayed by a FAKE LATINA pisses them off. I don't have to fuck with her because she was purposely written as ableist - something I am all too familiar with growing up around able-bodied people. You want to talk about ableism? I WISH my mother's biggest concern was me riding a fucking skateboard. I didn't learn how to use utensils until I was in either fourth or fifth grade because my parents thought I would (accidentally) injure myself. They never taught me how to tie my shoes, I figured it out from somebody else. I've been told I am never going to make it on my own and that I'm "not trying hard enough". Asking for help with my hair is asking for a fight because "you should be able to do this". Things are placed out of my reach and then when I need to ask for help I end up doing so more than once because someone doesn't feel like getting up. I'm not saying any of this to gain sympathy or attention. I'm saying this to make people understand that for somebody like me it's not as simple as "moving on" from what was said - and the fact that the writers never addressed it, whereas they took the time to "fix" Eddie's cringe-worthy moments... food for thought. A*a is one example of what it's like to be raised by an ableist parent who doesn't see beyond their kid's "limitations". I'm not Tina. I'm Tina with CP. And, while I'm on the subject, doesn't it say something about what Eddie must think of his gf that she's only been with Christopher while he's around as well? He hasn't awarded her the same level of trust as his dudebro bestie, that's for sure. If YOU don't have a problem with the female characters on the show that does not make you superior. It simply means you have no connection to the way in which they were/are portrayed and therefore your experiences cannot influence your perception. Consider yourself lucky for that.

[doorbloggr]

Saturday 22/5/21 - Learning When it is OK to Drop a Series

The way I consume shows and books makes it difficult to keep a constant schedule of entertainment. I am very guilty of binge watching/reading, when I start a series, I will watch up to ten episodes in one sitting well after midnight. Then i sit around for weeks at a time putting off starting the next thing, knowing it too will take all my attention for a few days.

Unfortunately this binge behaviour means that I have often been a poor judge of character when it comes to whether I should finish something. Hey I'm already 10 episodes into this show, might as well watch all 24 episodes. And that has meant I've got a number of series on my Finished Anime List that I sort of feel wasted my time.

Higurashi is moe-horror, a very specific flavour of anime/manga where the characters and themes are cute on the surface but there is abuse, murder and monstrosities when you get even skin deep.

The true catalyst for this epiphany was an anime called Higurashi: When they Cry NEW. I followed up on it after a streamer I watch said the original series was one of their favourite anime. The show is a psychological and physical horror, and as I've discussed in previous blog posts, my domain is usually Slice of Life, so... a far cry from my comfort zone. I told the two friends I get anime reccomendations from that I was watching it and their reaction was very telling of signs I shouldve read.

The friend who suggests me Slice of Life and Isekai/Fantasy anime told me that he would never touch an anime like Higurashi with a ten foot pole. The friend who suggests me Fan Service and Horror anime told me that she tried to watch Higurashi but thought it was pretty dumb and hard to watch.

I continued to watch the show, I was 8 episodes in, and wanted to see if it got better. At 17 episodes, I was questioning again whether I should drop it, but I was almost done, so why not just finish? I regretted that.

This post is not a recommendation against Higurashu by the way, but my opinion is, if you're ok with very visceral gore horror, heavy themes of abuse, and looping stories that only get scarier with each retelling... hey, Higurashi could be for you, but in hindsight, it wasn't for me.

After I finished Higurashi, I caught up on Log Horizon, an anime I am very familiar with and enjoyed a lot.

After watching Higurashi I vowed to myself to only search out anime I know I'll be interested in, or take on suggestions from my friends who know what I like. Since Higurashi I haven't chosen to drop any series, but I also have only watched one Isekai and three Slice of Life's since then, and I thoroughly enjoyed all start to finish. But to safeguard myself against future bad binges, I'm gonna end this post with some advice to myself, and others, on how to ensure your media consumption is enjoyable.

1. Keep records and check for patterns

On my phone I have a Notes file detailing all the anime I've finished. I mostly do this because I have an obsession with documenting my habits and looking back, but it also helps as a way to reflect on what type on anime I have enjoyed in the past.

If you have a record of what you have watched, you can look over the list and find trends. Then you choose new series that have a lot in common with your faves.

I have enjoyed many romance anime, and the one mecha anime I've seen, Guren Lagann, I enjoyed a lot. So when heard that Darling in the Franxx was a mecha anime with romance, I was veryyy interested.

2. Swap stories with friends

On the list I discussed above, about 80% of the anime I've watched were recommendations from friends. It's like a learning AI, but with real people. Friends give you a bunch of anime to watch and you tell them which ones you enjoyed. Then they can get back to you with anime they think you'd enjoy based on past preferences.

Ben-to was an anime I recently watched because a friend told me it's just the type of show I'd enjoy.

My friends have gotten really good at recommending me anime that I enjoy because I've told them when I'm watching a new show and whether I like it or not. Because of my long dry spells, I dont watch a tonne, but I also give my own recommendations back and they've enjoyed my suggestions.

3. Unsure? Four episodes

Ages ago, I was watching a podcast run by 3 streamers called LewdCast and they had a segment where they had an anime bookclub; basically they'd come to each podcast having watched an anime and discuss whether they liked it or not. But having to watch an entire series per week not knowing whether you'd like it is exhausting. So their rule was to watch the first four episodes.

Food Wars was actually a recommendation from LewdCast that I was very hooked into by Episode 4, so I watched the entire series and it is still my fave anime this year.

Episodes 1 and 2 are usually world building and introduction of themes and characters. So dismissing an anime after the first episode isn't giving it a proper chance. But after 4 episodes, the themes have been established, you're introduced to core characters, and you've been given a glimpse of what the flow or hook of the show is. You're at least partway into an arc and you understand how the show will operate overall.

Some people will tell you, "Oh this show is a slow burn, but it gets really good deep into the first season", but the truth is, if you're hating it or not hooked after 4 episodes, it's probably not worth it. If a friend I know tells me, "trust me, you'll enjoy this", then I will probably stick with a show I'm on the fence with more then 4 episodes. But if you sought out a show on your own and you don't know if you'd like it, give it four episodes. If you don't wanna finish it after that, drop it.

[oneforallheadcannonsandshorts]

Hello! I just found you blog and I have to say i absolutly love it! Do u still take requests? If so could i get the First OFA user with a s/o who can cancel out any type of quirk by using her right hand? If ur comfortable writing it could u make s/o pregnant and First had to leave her bc he had to fight his brother. Fast forward and Midoriya meets a girl, the girl being Firsts daughter (she has a long life quirk) and the girl talks about her mother and her father (who she never met) but she's not mad at him for leaving them and tells him how much her mother still loved First so much till her death. Make it angsty with fluffy ending pls. Thanks! Have a nice day/night!

Manga Spoilers Ahead!

Key:

[f/n] = first name

[h/l] = hair length 

[h/c] = hair color

[e/c] = eye color

[s/c] = skin color

[d/n] = daughter’s name

First User meeting his daughter. 

[insert the first user’s first name] is about to walk out the door when a familiar voice stops him. 

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Asks his wife of nine years, [f/n]. 

“I am and it isn’t like I have much of a choice.” He tells her. 

“Let me help you, with my quirk you’d have a fighting chance!” [f/n] argues. 

[f/n]’s quirk allows her to block quirk genes by the touch of her right hand. A very usual but limited quirk. And he isn’t about to place her on the battle field. He can’t do that to her. Anyone but her. 

“NO! Please, just stop [f/n] ... I love you too much to lose you.” 

“I feel the same. [insert the first user’s first name], please let me help you, we can do this together.” [f/n] continues. 

He knows all to well that she isn’t going to stop. Not until he gives in and let’s her help. It was attitude like this that made him fall in love with her. 

A sigh escapes his lips as he walks over to her. Cupping her face in his hands, he leans in for a kiss. [f/n] latches onto him refusing to let him go. He holds to her slowly breaking the kiss. He gazes into her watery [e/c] eyes. 

She asks, “If I can make one selfish request... Just stay. Just a little longer. Please.” She begs brokenly. 

[insert the first user’s first name] can feel his heart breaking as he nods holding her tighter. “Of course my love.”    

120 years later, set during Izuku’s new work-study with Endeavor

If there is one thing that Izuku understood about the former users is that they all undoubtedly had regrets. All of them had given up so much to protect the people they cared about and create a bright future without All for One. Izuku often feels guilty for living in the future that the seven before him had strived to create. In this mind they should be the ones living in this society. Not him. If there is a way he can bring them back to live in this era, he’d do it. Even if that means he has to or will die to do it. 

Kiddo don’t you fucking dare. 

Izuku jumps at a deep voice which sounds a little like Banjo Daigoro, the Fifth User of One for All. Embarrassedly Izuku rubs the back of his head. He should have known the vestiges can feel his thoughts. He mutters a soft apology but gives no explanation knowing that they already know his reasoning for such thoughts. 

Walking down the sidewalk, Izuku walks with Katsuki on patrol. 

“Can you actually talk with them?” Katsuki asks having heard Izuku mutter. 

“Kind of. It’s only Mr. Banjo right now.” Izuku says. 

“Must suck having a bunch of voices in your heard.” Katsuki says walking head of Izuku. 

“Not really.” Izuku says then softly mummers, “I already know what that is like.”

Oh, good god I wanna hug this child. 

The voice that speaks is a woman’s voice, so Izuku figures that is Shimura Nana. All Might’s master, Shigaraki Tomura’s grandmother, and the seventh One for All user. 

A small smile appears on his face, as he is flattered that Nana wants to give him a hug.  

Continuing their patrol, Izuku notices a young woman with [h/l], [h/c] hair, and [s/c] colored skin. The sight of his girl makes Izuku stop walking as he stares. Staring there is this sensation in his heart. He quickly figures out that this sensation is the result of one of the vestiges, but he can’t figure out which one.

[f/n]...?

So, it’s the first user causing this sensation in his heart. Izuku knows his voice the best because the dream he had before the fight between his class and class one B. 

Isn’t that the name of your wife?

It is.

Didn’t she have a quirk canceler?

She did. 

Then who is...? 

Guys this could be her decedent. 

Dont say that! You’re going to make him feel bad! 

No, no! It’s okay, if that is her decedent then I’m glad she moved on. 

Well why dont we go see for yourselves? Come on kiddo, go make her your friend. 

Izuku wordlessly follows the woman to a park. She walks over to a bench and sits down. Izuku stops himself from walking over trying to figure out how to open a conversation with the woman. As he thinks, twiddling his thumbs, he doesn’t notice the woman is staring at him. 

“Are you okay little hero?” The woman asks suddenly standing before him. 

“Y-Yeah! I...I uh...yo-you looked lonely s-so I thought I’d come s-sit with you for a while.”

The woman giggles, “That’s so sweet of you. My name is Shigaraki [d/n]. What’s your name little hero?”

Shigaraki [d/n]?

Coincidence this lady has your last name?

Doubt it. 

“Deku! My hero name is Deku it is nice to meet you Miss Shigaraki. S-Say you wouldn’t happen to know someone by the name of Shigaraki [insert the first user’s first name], would you?” 

W-Wha-Why is he asking that!?

Clearly he hears us. 

Yeah, but to ask that right off the bat is a little weird. 

No, I think it’s a valid question when you know someone with the same last name. 

“[insert the first user’s first name]? So that was his name.” [d/n] smiles. 

“You know him?”

“Not personally, but my mother talked about him a lot. So see, [insert the first user’s first name] is my father’s name. Or at least that’s what mom always said.”

FATHER!? 

Man is this one hell of a Wednesday!  

[f/n]... S-Sh-She was... she...

Shiggy snap out of it! 

“Whoa, really?!”

“Do you know him?” [d/n] asks. 

“Kind of sorta.” Izuku admits. “If you dont mind me asking, what kind of stories did your mom tell you about him? All I know about him is that he was a man filled of justice and always did the right thing.” 

“That’s what mom always said too. Why dont we sit and talk?” [d/n] suggests. 

“Lead the why Miss Shigaraki!”

“Please, call me [d/n].”

“What kind of quirk do you have?”

“It’s a long life quirk. Which is really strange since my mother could cancel out quirks with her right hand and my dad had a quirk called One for All.” [d/n] explains. 

“Wow!”

As [d/n] and Izuku sit on the park bench, [insert the first user’s first name] is still recovering from the shock of learning he has a daughter. It brings him to tears knowing that he left her when she was pregnant. He was such a horrible husband and [f/n] deserved so much better. Looking at this daughter through Izuku’s eyes he can easily see [f/n]. Hearing how [f/n] never dated or thought about remarrying hurts but at the same time he is glad that despite he was gone she remained faithful to him. 

“So, are the rings you wear around your neck?”

“Hers? Yep! Before my dad left, he gave her his ring as a keepsake. Then when...she passed she gave me hers and his.” [d/n] answers with a smile. 

[insert the first user’s first name] is breaking down in the vestige world hearing all of this. 

“Deku are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah it’s just one of those days when you start crying for no reason.” Izuku lies. 

“Had a few of those days myself.” [d/n] smiles. “Say, do you think my dad would have liked me?” 

Izuku smiles brightly and says, “Yep! If he were here right now I know he would give you a big hug and tell you how much he loves you and how sorry he is for leaving.” 

“Never said I was mad at him for leaving.” [d/n] chuckles. “I know that he had a had every intention of coming home. Deku,”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever fight All for One, knock his teeth out. His smile is creepy as hell.”

HAHA! She ain’t wrong. 

Does she know that’s her uncle she’s talking about? 

He has no right claiming to be her uncle. 

“Yes ma’am!”  

==========================================================================================================================

Thank you for the request and your kind words Anon. I am so very glad that you like my blog. Also I hope you enjoy this read too. Sorry if it isn’t exactly what you had mind. Anyway, have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening!

Master list

[starlit-dreaming]

[wip tidbit 3] in the back of my mind

Fandom: WMMAP Rating: T (updated rating) Note: the Twin Sibling AU that i tried so hard not to write, but i DID, so naturally i have to call myself out for writing it. will be cross-posted on ao3 and wattpad under the same title

Arc 1: Beginning of the End 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Arc 2: Of Princes and Villainesses 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

Side Story: maybe, i’m afraid (verena/athanasios) 1 | 2

SO. wip tidbits. trying to bring these back again so that way people can still learn more about the au

with the holiday season coming around (wow guys its basically been a year by now since i started using this tumblr for wmmap at least) ive been super busy with work and havent had a lot of time to write

HOWEVER

i recently looked at my doc for itbomm and there’s at least 86 pages worth of unposted wip tidbits precisely because its for future events and im trying to piece everything together like a jigsaw puzzle

side note: there’s a total of 204 pages, in which 118 is solely the chapters that have already been posted on wattpad and ao3

so for those who are unfamiliar with my writing process -- i write a bunch of scenes mainly on a whim that i refer to as “tidbits”. one day i could write consecutive scenes and bam i’ll have a new chapter out asap. another day i could write a bunch of different scenes and end up with only one that gets thrown into the current wip chapter while some scenes get scrapped

basically, its the rough draft, things might get heavily edited or be kept the same in the fic, or be used for later down the storyline. i dont care much for spoilers, but i know that there are people who do care

this post is for the people who want the breadcrumbs of spoilers whether big or small!

——————————

(It starts like this:

A figure, standing high on a ledge, staring up to the skies.

There is a firm resolve, one that cannot be persuaded.

Breathing out — a wish, perhaps — and an action.

“Maybe next time,” he says, and…

He takes the plunge.

——————————

“You can’t just pick when and who to fall in love with, Athanase.”

——————————

Everything before and after is a blur, but he remembers everything in between.

The room is quiet, almost uncomfortably so. She breathes, abrupt and almost angry at first, only to exhale softly with a tune of fatigue. He shifts in his seat on an elegantly designed sofa that was old and worn from age. Something is different — unsettling, almost, but he can’t tell what it is.

“So you’re going through with this, after all,” his guest states, her voice barely shaking — he didn’t expect any less of her composure. Even in the face of something like that, she still retains her calmness, and a familiar sense of fondness washes over him. “Do you truly love him, so much that you would run away?”

“I am, I do,” he states, and there’s an apology waiting to slip out, but he bites his tongue.

——————————

They both agree that it wasn’t a good idea to talk about the matter more than what they’ve already established. He wasn’t too thrilled, either, to hear about how he died. Perhaps it was more of just morbid curiosity in wanting to know the details of his death.

After all, if he and the original Athanasios died in the same way, one that didn’t require poison of any kind, then maybe there was some more to the mystery behind Athanasios’ death that not even Autumn would know. She may have written Toska from his sister’s perspective, but that doesn’t mean Athanasia would actually know the full truth, especially if Claude decided not to divulge details in the original story.

——————————

“Maybe next time,” she bitterly laughed, “I could be happy with just this.”

——————————

“You said that you saw glimpses of your past life long before you found me in the forest, right?”

“What about it?” Autumn frowned.

“Do you remember any of it?”

“Too much of it. Why do you ask?” Even though she asked, he could tell that she had her own guess. And he could tell that she was most likely correct in her conclusion.

“I remember bits and pieces, but nothing major.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it? You’re making progress.”

“I’m not sure,” he grimaced. “The issue is that it’s too slow for the sake of progress.”

There’s a moment of tense silence, his shoulders stiff as he looks at his reflection in his tea, and he hears the tiny clink of a teacup placed into its little plate.

He could feel her stare.

“…I don’t think you should try to force the issue, if you can’t remember much.”

——————————

“You don’t know how to braid hair?” she frowns, looking at him. “That’s such a shame, you have really pretty long hair…”

She was definitely staring at his hair with an unspoken question.

“If you want, you’re free to braid it,” he dryly states. “Besides, I’m only growing it out this long because it looks nice.”

“No take backs,” his best friend grins, shifting closer and brushing her fingers through his long black hair. “Also, I recently just read this manhua called Grandmaster of the Demonic Sect, and it’s about this dude who transmigrated back to the world 13 years after he died, and the protagonist’s name is Wei Wuqian, aka, Wei Yin, and he—”

“Wait, did you write fanfiction for the short story assignment?”

“Huh?”

“You literally named the main character Yi Wei, and his husband as Zhan Lan. Isn’t this that one fandom that blew up on Twitter? We literally used the short essays for our workshop session and I literally read your story. You turned in a fanfic for a class assignment.”

She avoids eye contact with him, “Not that I’m saying I did — which you can’t prove anything — there’s nothing wrong with submitting a fanfic for a class.”

It’s the first time he outright laughs around her.

——————————

“It’s fine, I guess,” she seemed very put off, clearly torn between wanting to ramble spoilers while simultaneously wanting to keep her story a surprise. “It’s not a major spoiler, at least…”

“Well?”

“No, Verena was never in love with Ijekiel.”

Well, fuck. That actually felt like a spoiler. A very major spoiler.

He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. In fact, it was really unexpected — Verena was obsessed with Ijekiel, even after the engagement between Verena and the Prince was broken off.

“What?”

——————————

So here he is now — sitting in a drawing room of the Emerald Palace, with his sister and Lucas quietly bickering to the point that he was tuning them out as nothing more than white noise.

‘They act like a stereotypical old married couple,’ Athanase absentmindedly thought.

Upon that thought, the magician boy whirled their head around and glared at him. He blinked, staring back at the red-eyed magician.

‘Did he hear my thoughts?’

——————————

“You’ve got a lot of nerve to attack me, I’ll give you that,” Athan coldly stated, staring down at the perpetrators. “Perhaps I’m more of my father’s child after all,” he mused, jewel blue eyes sharp and glinting ominously. “Because my father would have you executed for even making an attempt. Granted, if you had aimed your killing intent towards me, you’d have been torn asunder already.”

——————————

“He thought you were the princess!” Verena laughed.

“We’re twins,” Athanase flatly stated. “It’s not that strange.”

“She’s taller than you.”

“Because she hit puberty first, thanks to biology.”

“Even though your hair isn’t as wavy as hers.”

“I braid my hair when I sleep to make it wavy — you know this!”

——————————

“Should I die, too?”

She looks at him, surprised.

“If you’re scared, then we could die together.”

“…are you serious?”

“When it comes to you? Always.”

——————————

“In my second life, when I was Michelle, I thought I had an overactive imagination, y’know?”

She stared at him for a long while, “I thought you hated that name.”

“I did.”

He really did — he hated the person he used to be, he liked growing out his hair and wearing pretty clothes, but he hated being mistaken for a girl. There were a lot of things that he hated about being Michelle, but now that he was living another life, it was different. Maybe it was because he was born as the boy he had always hoped he could be, or maybe it was just because he never really hated the name, but rather the fact that it was his.

It was kind of funny, really. Now that he was Athanase, he cherishes his past life as Michelle, when he absolutely hated his life when he was still Michelle.

——————————

“You sound like you’re in love.”

He doesn’t say it, but they both know what he’s implying.

You sound like you’re in love with me.

“Maybe I am,” she looks away.

Maybe I am in love with you.

——————————

“You’re the daughter of Madame Pompidou, right?” Athy cheerfully asks, holding Athanase’s hand. ‘I don’t know how this girl did it, but I’m not gonna let her sink her claws in my baby brother!’

Upon hearing his sister’s voice, he was taken aback.

That was his sister’s thoughts.

He could hear his sister’s thoughts again.

——————————

“As you already know,” she weakly says, “Athanasios died. In my rewrite, I tried to figure out a way to keep him alive, I wanted to give the twins a happy ending.”

That was surprising — she never told him that.

“No matter what I tried to write, I couldn’t imagine him being alive at the end of Toska. Somehow, or some way, he was going to end up dying. It was the main reason why I stopped posting updates in the first place. I wanted to finish it, though, at least for you, when I found out that you read my story. I wanted to finish rewriting Toska for you, but then you…”

But then he died.

She had no reason to finish her story, if the one she rewrote it for wouldn’t even be there to read it.

“And it was… it was the same. For Athanasios. He…” she refused to look up from her teacup, but he could already see where she was going with this.

“Athanasios died in your rewrite.”

Just like he did.

——————————

It ends like this:

His heart slams wildly in his chest as his eyes snap open.)