#so i have no recollection whether it was good or bad

[hookechoes]

kind of want to watch the goldfinch again just to immerse myself in the insanity that is That Film but also i dont really want to have to look at ansel elgort for that long

[sinning-23]

Twice the Fun (Zoro x Reader x Sanji)

Because i need them both in a way that is concern to feminism and they could literally do whatever they wanted to me (respectfully) ahem. This ones for my sick, freak, nasty, touch-starved bitches It's really just prn with A LITTLE plot yall and a little more attention to detail.

18+ DUH?!

Warnings: Tagteam, creampie, gagging, choking, biting, scratching, p in v, unprotected, degradation, teasing, praising, spanking, double penetration (holy shit this is a lot even for me lol)

Hope yall enjoy (smut is a bit of a specialty of mine)

PART 2 HERE

Ps. PLEASE EXCUSE ANY SPELLING ERRORS!

What were you truly meant to do? Turn down the pair to try and make yourself look like less of a slut than you really were? Well, slut was kind of harsh. We'll say, more sexually inclined.

Yeah, that sounds classier.

Anyway, when Sanji and Zoro approached you in a more physical than verbal way, you couldn't decide whether or not you should say no to try and keep up an image they already saw past, or simply let them Eiffel Tower you. How the hell did you end up in this predicament in the first place???

___3 days ago___

You sigh, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you nudge the man beside you. You didn't quite care if he woke up or not, you'd just go to your other 'friends' room to fulfill your insatiable need for dick...and love and affection...but of course, Sanji didn't know that...and neither did Zoro and hell you'd like to keep it that way.

Perfectly balanced...sorta. Part of you feels bad though, you do love him...and Zoro too but damn it you just had to have them both. And with the way that two bicker and act like they can't stand each other, there was a fat chance you'd get your wish.

You nudge Sanji again, pressing soft kisses to his temple, and brushing his hair out of his face. He stirs, eyes slightly opening to reveal a set of lovely blues.

"Good morning. Pussy put you to sleep?" You tease, seeing him smile in recollection of the events of the night prior.

"Its not nice to tease." He groans, sitting up on his elbows and forearms to kiss your lips.

Its sweet, your heart stuttering with guilt. You know he loves you but this whole thing was supposed to be no strings attached. You pull away, noticing a brief hurt behind those eyes you just stared so lustfully into hours ago.

"Hurry up, youve got breakfast to make and I'm pretty sure someones getting a bit suspicious. You chuckle, pointing to the alarm clock.

He swears, shuffling a bit faster to find his briefs, dress pants, and shirt in a hurry. He doesnt forget to kis your temple before he leaves though.

"Come to my room again tonight, yeah?" He asks, and you nod. How could you not?

When you're sure he's long gone, you hide your face in your palms, groaning deeply before gazing into the mirror. Shit...he marked you up worse than before. You roll your eyes, that funny butterfly feeling filling up your stomach again. Damn him for making you love him. This wasn't the first time you'd have to cover up hickeys and it wouldn't be the last.

Your shoes echo down the hall a bit as you pass zoro's room now, curiosity getting the best of you. You crack the door open and there he is, pulling on that same old tan shirt over that damn gorgeous body.

"Good morning." You hum, slipping in and closing the door behind you.

He doesn't respond back, only nods in your direction. Zoro was more...blunt with these things. He thought he'd almost gotten perfect at hiding how he was feeling from you, but you had already clawed your way up and over the walls he put up. Essentially you could see right through him.

Before he can protest about you not knocking, you've got your arms around him in a hug, one he definitely needed seeing as he missed your touch far more than he would admit out loud. In his head, you were his girl. All his. He knew it wasn't true, this...whatever this was, being nothing more than a beneficial friendship. You weren't really his and it tore him up inside. He knows he loves you, but damn it if he admits it.

"Missed me? I see that look in your eyes Roro." You tease, knowing the nick name bothers him in th best way.

"I wish you would quit calling me that." He responds, letting his arms wrap around you to return the embrace, his chin resting atop your head. He needed you bad.

"Coming here tonight? Or do I have to drag you from your quarters to mine?" He smirks, making you laugh and bury your face in his chest. Gods he loved your laugh.

"How could I not?" You respond, swallowing a bit hard, knowing you were wrong for that.

Double booking a dick appointment was a big NO-NO. This leaves too much opportunity for one to find out about the other. But in hindsight, would that really be so bad? You wanted and loved them both, and being sneaky was starting to weigh on your conscience despite not being in an actual relationship with either of them.

"You alright?" He asks, cupping your face with his free hand. You drank up moments like these, it was truly a privilege to see the softer side of Zoro.

You nod, kissing him quick before making your leave.

The rest of the crew is already up and working on odds and ins of the ship. You managed your end of the chores, first mopping, then tying knots, and lastly laundry. You chatted with Nami, hoping a village is coming up soon but no luck.

Damn, the day had really gotten away from you. The sun was already setting and your heart sank to the pit of your goddamn stomach. It's sunset...which means night is right around the corner...

Oh fuck.

You scramble off the front deck and head straight to your quarters, skillfully dodging both Sanji and Zoro, who you had managed to have run into each other instead of you. Bad idea, because if you knew anything about Sanji, it's that he had a funny way of letting things slip rather sneakily. And if you knew anything about Zoro, its that he would easily catch a slick comment, and match it.

You lock your door, pacing back and forth in hopes of coming up with a plan. The truth? Yeah maybe tell the truth! You swallow your pride, taking a deep breath, only to head a kock at your door. Oh god. Your hands tremble, that sickly nervous feeling seeping into your pores. Its hot in here.

"Hey honey, um, how about we reschedule to tomorrow?" Sanji hums, something...off in his tone.

You pull the door open, that same facade over your face. You swallow, nodding at him in response.

"I see. I mean yeah we can. Something come up?" You ask, eyes shifting all over. You can bring yourself to keep direct contact with him and damn he can tell. You could've sworn that you saw someone turn the corner...was that Zoro. Nevermind that. Apparently, Sanji had said something to you but you hadn't heard it you were panicking so damn much.

"Uhh sure. You okay?" He questions, more smug than anything. He knows...

__2 days ago___

It was far too quiet for your liking. Sanji seemed to avoid you...and so did Zoro. Well, not really avoid you. In all honestly you were paranoid and reading into everything. You had FABULOUS intuition so when the energy was out of wack it went straight to your head.

They know. They have to. There's no way they don't. The two of them had gotten a lot bolder you noticed. It was all so clear to you. They were...competing almost. Zoro would leave his hand on your hip, and Sanji would roll his eyes. Sanji would pull your hair up into a ponytail to keep it out of your face when you were cleaning? Zoro would scoff and move on.

Okay, so they definitely knew. Now they were playing the "She likes me more game." That was the least of your concerns. If anything you were drinking up the attention. What you really wanted to know, was how they had found out about each other...the ship is small so that doesn't help the situation.

Today, you managed to find yourself in the kitchen while both your blonde and green-headed sneaky links were ALSO in the vicinity. You swallow hard, bidding them a good day whilst making your way to the fridge, which Sanji usually keeps locked up otherwise Luffy would get in it.

"Sanji, um, the key please." You ask, clearing your throat as the two seemed to watch your every move.

He smiles, stepping beside you, his hand trailing from your waist to the curve of your ass. He's grinning the whole time, his eyes cutting to Zoro before squatting down, using your leg as a means to steady himself to retrieve the well-hidden, key. His fingers dance over your thighs and inwards, just barely brushing over the crotch of your shorts. You yelp, tensing when Zoro gives a slight 'tch'

Sanji stands, plopping the piece of metal in your hand before returning to the stove from whence he came.

"Thanks." You rasp, fianlly feeling a pinh at ease before oepenign the fridge.

Too bad the peace only lasted for two seconds, becuse right when you had cracked it open, Zoro was already behind you, reaching for his desnated bottle of alcohol, his hand right at your waist, just where Sanji's had been.

Instead of squatting however, down to more or less 'politely' show ownership of you, Zoro opts to wind his hand back as far as possible.

SMACK

You yelp louder, steadying yourself agaisn the fridge as you moan at the sting. There was no doubt there was a bit of a mark again toyu melenated skin now. Zoro only grins, all too smug at Sanji's enraged expression.

"Thats it. You just have no sense of respect do you." Sanji argues, Zoro standing a bit taller now.

If you hadn't been squeezed between the two now, they'd surely be chest to chest. Your body is beginning to betray you, heat flooding your face and between your thighs. This wasn't about them. This was about you and who you liked more...They each wanted your attention. Rightfully so, I mean not only were you a sweetheart with a smart mouth but that mouth could do a lot more than just talk shit. And either one of them would be happy to accept death between your thighs.

"If you knew anythign at all, youd kne she likes a little desrespect." Zoro shoots back, your eyes widening.

"If you knew anything you'd know she likes being treated like a princess." Sanji scoffs.

"Lets not talk about me like im not here-"

You're cut off when they shoot that same look your way. A look you'd seen one to many times, bent over, facing a conveniently placed mirror...or wit your back against the matress, one of them over you while your legs cramp up from being so close to your chest.

Damn fr two guys who seemingly didn't 'get alog' they sure had a lot in common.

In the heat fo the argument, you slide pst the pair and out of the kitchen. Unfortunetly for you, a head of orage just happened to be outside and heard part of the last three statements.

"I dont even want to knw what or how you're gonna get out of this. Youll figure it out." Nami half encourages as you groan.

Is that what good pussy did to a mf? Start wars?! It blew your mind but you had less than a few seconds process to the situation. Before you could even realize what was happening, Zoro exited the kitchen and scope you up. And right behim him was a very serious, looking Sanji....

oh you’re so screwed.

——————————————

Authors note: HI YALLL ok so this one’s been sitting in the drafts for literally I wanna say a half a year now lmao uhhhhh let me know if you’d like to be tagged for pt.2 that’s where all the HOT SHIT HAPPENS! Anyway love you all! Drink water lol

[gay-dorito-dust]

Okay, since you’re rereading the books and your up for this request, can I request headcanons with the same hades reader you wrote earlier where she meets Nico di angolo when he arrives to camp and from the moment they met, they hit it of instantly and Nico clings to the reader his entire time there, and even hangs out with Luke cause Luke is the readers bf?

This was long as shit as I got carried away…oops. Not so much on Luke and Nico spending time together but more so reader and Luke talking about Nico.

The moment Nico was brought to camp, a wide eyed boy who was so full of awe and wonder and excitement, you just knew how special he was and you couldn’t help but feel a familial sense when it came to the boy.

Almost as if you knew him your entire life when in reality this was your first ever meeting the boy, but something deep down told you that you would do anything to keep this boy safe and happy for as long as possible before it would be taken away from him; after all life as a Demi-god wasn’t all glory and valour and you all had to learn that rather ruthless lesson one way or another…oftentimes prematurely.

Then again, you chalked this feeling down to you being protective towards the younger Demi-gods that entered camp but this feeling was a lot stronger then that, a hell of a lot in the sense that a older sibling would fret over their younger siblings…but Nico wasn’t your sibling…well not that you were aware of seeing as he was still unclaimed but you guessed being a child of the big three had made you envious of what children of other gods had; family. You were alone and have been alone for quite a while…

Luke, your beloved boyfriend, was able to fill that void for a while, but sooner or later the realisation of just how lonesome you have been would come to consume your every thought.

Mythomagic. You hadn’t heard of that game for quite some time but you had a deck of Mythomagic cards locked within a box, underneath one of the floorboards inside your windowless cabin. Why? They had become so severely damaged and worn with time that you were scared that if you were to pick one up, it would crumple to dust within your palm. Plus it was a sentimental gift from your mother before she…never mind.

The memory was still too painful for you to recollect.

So when you saw Nico fiddling with a Dionysus card -the weakest card in the card game- between his fingers out of nervous habit, you almost didn’t recognise yourself speaking until Nico’s dark eyes looked directly at you with excitement.

‘A Dionysus card, haven’t met anyone who played Mythomagic that genuinely liked that card, you like Mythomagic kid?’ You had asked.

‘Do you?!’ Nico exclaimed as his smile matched his dark obsidian eyes in how brightly they shined.

‘Does Hades have 4000 attack power, 5000 if the opponent attacks first?’ You quickly corrected your self as Nico moved to sit next to you under the tree. ‘Who’s your favourite?’ You added, wanting the lad to feel at ease with you despite what everyone else might’ve told him about you in terms of unapproachableness.

‘Dionysus obviously!’ Nico replied, showing you his card as if to emphasise his point. ‘People think he’s not all that good but I think his powers are pretty cool and to find out that he’s real?! Even cooler!’ He adds on as he looks down at the card as if he was debating whether or not he was going to ask Mr D to sign it. However if Nico was the type of player that you assumed him to be, he wouldn’t dare tempt the idea. ‘Who’s yours?’

‘Hades.’ You said point blankly before continuing, ‘and it’s not because he’s my father.’

‘Hades is your father?!’ - Nico near enough shouted to ear you both the eyes of a couple of campers but you shot them a deadpan glare and they were quick to go back to whatever it was that they were doing beforehand. You softened your face as you looked back at Nico and answered his question. ‘Yeah, he is. He’s not as bad as people make him out to be, he doesn’t get in other people’s business like some gods and goddesses, considering he’s got his own dealings that take presidency but he’s more accommodating then most seeing as I’ve visited him on multiple occasions.’ You finished, shrugging your shoulders, you didn’t want to add on the fact that he had even gifted you Dvir, a hellhound, just yet. In due time you would but, some people would consider that too much.

‘Wow, you’re so cool.’ Right then and there you decided that you would have Nico’s back no matter what, for he was the only one besides Luke that didn’t fear you for your father and by god was it the most reliving thing ever!

You became someone Nico felt comfortable being his true self with, and would even try to sneak into the Hades cabin whenever he needed you to give him comfort and reassure him that you wouldn’t leave him for the Hunters Of Artemis like Bianca did; despite it being against the rules and all but it’s not like you didn’t do the exact same thing with Luke whenever you needed his presence to sooth and put your mind at ease.

He even tried to sit next to you during dinner time at the pavilion, another camp rule he had broken in order to be by your side, but no one dared to speak up upon it and instead bite their tongues, seeing as you and Luke were equally challenging anyone to speak about this to Mr D or Chiron but, nobody dared to do so. Meanwhile Nico was completely obvious to it all and was showing you all of his Mythomagic figures, Mythomagic expansion packs and bestowing every last drop of his knowledge of the card game onto you, all the while you were storing it within your own head as though it was something you were going to have to use later on.

No matter where you went, Nico wasn’t far behind following you like a lost puppy. Needless to say that whenever anyone saw Nico on his own, they knew better then to try anything for you were often lurking within the shadows nearby, watching over the boy with such a fierce protectiveness whilst giving him his freedom to better aquatint himself with camp. When it came to Nico, it seemed as though you became a complete different person, you didn’t know why but all you knew was that you weren’t going to let anything harm Nico while you were able to do something about it.

‘Doesn’t it bother you? Having him cling onto you all the time?’ One brave camper asked once and in all honesty? You didn’t care that he clung to you do suffocatingly. If anything you were glad that he choice you to be the one he relies on for anything and everything, it made you feel an whole assortment of things, the main one being happy knowing that someone openly sought you out because they viewed you as someone who’s opinions are worth listening and taking head to.

Nico felt safer with you than he ever did elsewhere, which was saying something considering he was within a camp built to protect people like him but he felt his most safest with you; Someone whom he quickly began to form an attachment towards and would oftentimes find himself clinging to your side like a second shadow. So much so that Luke would playfully tease you about it whenever he saw you both.

When in actuality Luke loved the fact that Nico was so attached to you. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that even with him by your side you still felt like you were alone, and could only hope that Nico would be the one to fill in that void within your heart completely. He was also happy for Nico for having you to fall back on because there was no one in camp that he would have to watch his back then yourself.

‘He’s asleep.’ You mused, looking at Nico, who fell asleep against Luke’s shoulder and was snoring softly.

‘He’s a good kid.’ Luke replied, ruffling Nico’s dark hair as a smile appeared on the younger boys face as he readjusted himself before falling still. Still like the dead Luke once playfully commented.

‘He really is.’ You said aloud, grasping Nico’s hand upon watching it reach out for you, squeezing it in hopes of showing him that you were with him. Luke pressed a kiss to your forehead as he saw the variety of emotions that flashed through your eyes as you kept watch over the sleeping boy. ‘You’re a good influence on him babe, don’t doubt yourself, the boy practically idolises you.’ He tried reassuring you but still the thoughts wouldn’t let up.

‘What if there’ll be a time where I can’t reach him, where I can’t save him from himself and he’ll resent me for it.’ You asked, needing Luke’s guidance more than ever in your time of uncertainty. Luke pondered this for a bit before finally responding. ‘There won’t be a time where Nico would ever resent you and even if that did ever happen, I just know that he would hate himself even more for pushing the one person who had his back and cared for him like their own flesh and blood.’ He then squeezed your thigh reassuringly. ‘That and you’d dive into the depths of the labyrinth to bring him back no matter what and he knows that better than anybody that you’d endanger yourself just to save him, even from himself.’

He was right. You knew he was right. You would wholeheartedly throw yourself into harms way if it meant Nico came out unscathed and that terrified you and Luke could see this. ‘So don’t doubt yourself because if you doubt yourself then Nico will doubt himself by extension. For if the person he admires doubts themself then he would feel like he should too.’ Luke then rests his forehead against yours, his eyes staring deeply into yours. ‘I know you can guide him down the right path, be the kind of person you needed when you were in his situation, be the person you know you’d feel safe with, be his protector because I know you can. He needs you.’ He finished.

You looked down at the peacefully sleeping Nico before looking back up at Luke with a look of determination. ‘I promise to protect him and help him in whatever he may need.’

Like smirks. ‘That’s my baby.’

[eluxcastar]

The One and Only

── ୨୧：arlecchino x reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: a collection of moments from Arlecchino's recollections of the former Harbinger

୨୧﹑genre :: Idk actually

୨୧﹑content :: fem reader, reader is a harbinger, not proofread

୨୧﹑words :: 2.8k

threw this together on a whim because I missed these two I realised it's been like nine months since I wrote one of repetition I was like I wanna play around with these people in their dynamic. you don't have to necessarily have read one of repetition for it to make sense I don't think but I have a bad habit of assuming people know things they don't so take that with a grain of salt

one of repetition

Snezhnaya has never been immune to the curse of rumours that run rampant among its people. Some spread like wildfire and others die out before they gain enough traction to matter. When they somehow manage to make their way to the House of the Hearth, it matters—Mother is liable to find out, and that's when it's revealed whether or not she spread them herself.

There have never been more rumours about anyone but the first Harbinger. Arlecchino realised that when she was young.

They tell the daring tales of a tyrant decorated in well-worn armour able to bring the nation to its knees at their feet with nothing more than a pyro vision and a claymore.

Many of the kids at the House share the same sentiment. Brighella is terrifying, and though they'd like their approval, they never want to meet them. The few who have met them say they're weird.

Supposedly the child of the Tsaritsa, you have been tainted by the ever-waining loveless God of Snezhnaya and become little more than a heartless warmonger seeking absolution. You have not even removed your helmet in three centuries nor shown your face. You are fussy, childish, impulsive and arrogant like your whole reign of tyranny is a giant temper tantrum, and you'll only stop once you've realised the nation that has been dwindling ever so gradually will one day be reduced to a wasteland.

Maybe then, the ashes left behind by the fire you let tear apart this icy world will be your single lesson.

Arlecchino meets you for the first time at the celebrations for her ascendance to her Mother's position. Every Harbinger gathers at the behest of the Tsaritsa, an important event demanding their presence. All nine others and the Director are called to return, and along with them, you appear clad in armour, even on a formal occasion. You are feared, yes, but undoubtedly lavished in praise and feigned respect meant only to appease you. People seek to impress you because you are the first, an immortal Harbinger with the nation under their thumb.

Though foolish, she finds she cannot help but be swept up in the glory of it all, the appeal of having a warmonger's approval if only because it feels like the only good sign she'd ever get. Her ascendence is not born of admiration, merely convenience, a way to escape her Father and gain power. She is young and inexperienced and fills the shoes of her Mother with the grace of a newborn fawn. For just a moment, she could revel in receiving your praise, then go right back to indulging the bitterness she associates so heavily with your name. Whatever you have that sends shivers to the very core of grown men, she wants it, and having you pay some attention to her feels right. It cannot keep her from detesting you for possessing it.

You touched her shoulder once with an unnaturally warm gloved hand—a silent congratulations, she tells herself—it is the only way to justify her racing heart as you lean down and speak barely above a whisper. "Do no disappoint me, Arlecchino."

Everything takes a backseat as a fire is lit in the pit of her stomach, the drive to wipe that infuriating smirk she knows is hidden beneath your mask off your face. If she didn't know better, she could almost convince herself you thought you owned her.

For all her staring, however, she can't recall another moment of that night you spared her more than a single glance in her direction before turning away. It was Pierro who pinned Arlecchino's delusion to her chest and welcomed her, the Director, not the Tsaritsa's child. You merely took it upon yourself to congratulate her— professionally— as any colleague would.

The first time Arlecchino saw your face, she could not believe her eyes. You lack the odd companion she has long grown used to seeing by your side. She does not even recognise you at first, sitting in a chair in Pierro's quarters in plain clothes, your helmet discarded at your feet. In your hand is a glass, the liquid inside sloshing as you motion with your hand in some general direction amid your conversation.

It almost makes her uncomfortable to see, like staring down at your severed head pathetically rolling back and forth under the sole of your boot as you entertain yourself with it. It does not roll far before the adornments resist, and you don't fight them, instead rolling it back. Your only response to her gawking is to quirk your eyebrow at her.

You regard her with curiosity, though she would be remiss not to notice the glint in your eyes. "Arlecchino," you say, perhaps some mockery of greeting her.

Since she met you, her poker face has only gotten better, though her short pause is a dead giveaway that she has to think to recall your title. She still does not quite believe the woman she sees is you. "Brighella."

A smile tugs at your lips, and another sip of the drink in your glass marks your second pause. "Are you lost, or did I interrupt something?" you ask, though you turn to Pierro for the answer to the question.

Arlecchino takes a breath, determined not to let you get away with speaking to her that way without seeing any bite— "I called her," Pierro interrupts her before she can even say a word, and your eyes flicker back to her.

"I'll take my leave then," you say, gathering your things. You hook your fingers under your helmet and pick it up like nothing is wrong, as if you don't notice how Arlecchino stares and tries to remind herself that it should be obvious someone was under there. 

The only thing that helps her remind herself nobody else could sport that cocky smirk in Pierro's office without receiving a cold glare. He merely watches as you down the rest of your drink in one mouthful and leave the glass for him on his desk before stalking off. You stop only to put your helmet back on.

There's a sigh once you leave the room, and Pierro silently collects the glass.

The second time Arlecchino meets you, it is more arranged: a trip down the halls leads her to a stray fatuu bearing a message for her. You want to see Arlecchino in your chambers. There's no indication of why, and the man delivering the message had no inclination to ask before scurrying off. She cannot even say she blames him. She's seen the way you speak to the lesser fatuus before.

Arlecchino arrives in the corridor to hear the unusual noises in your room. It is like someone is rummaging through your belongings with reckless abandon and tossing whatever is in their way aside. 

She eyes the door with particularly harsh scrutiny. If there is an intruder, rifling through your room is the most effective way to get things they might want, and she can't allow them an opportunity to escape.

That is until Arlecchino hears your voice from inside, and you exaggerate a frustrated groan. You sound on the verge of tearing your hair out.

Then she braces herself to knock, and the room falls starkly silent as you register someone is standing outside.

"Who's there?" You pose the question like an accusation despite having to know you would have guests. You invited her, after all— demanded her, really.

Through gritting teeth, she finds the will to bite her tongue and say nothing about your attitude rearing its ugly head again. You find a way to always be like this. The moment she gains some semblance of understanding of your motives, you screw it up by acting superior again, like you genuinely believe the world should fall helplessly at the mercy of your whims and run as you will it to. 

"It's Arlecchino," she responds, the animosity she wishes to show neatly tucked away beneath a layer of barely cordial stoicism.

"Oh," is the only sound from inside, followed by footsteps and a light thud as if you place something down, perhaps one of the things it sounded like you were moving. "Are you alone?" 

For a moment, she almost began to wonder if you had forgotten her.

The question confuses her. "Yes."

"You may enter. The door is unlocked."

Arlecchino does not waste another moment before she opens the door to greet your unmasked face. This time, she recognises you from the pattern of your scars to the odd look on your face, though the off feeling staring into your eyes gives her strikes immediately with the same confusing force. 

It should be less jarring the second time, and yet, as she slowly closes the door behind her, she cannot help but scan the room in search of your helmet.

Your room is a damn mess, probably because you just tore it apart for reasons beyond her. She spies your helmet discarded by the bed on its side, hollow and lifeless and so unlike she usually sees it perched atop a suit of armour brimming with self-assured grandiose.

"I was worried he'd followed you all the way here."

She grasps at who you're implying almost immediately, yet can't say she understands why. It can't be anyone but the man in armour you brought back from the abyss who follows you around like a stray puppy. 

"Are you referring to the—" she also realises she has no idea what it is that follows you around— "man you took in...?"

"Yes." You answer without notice for her apprehension, or perhaps so used to it that it no longer seems worth commenting on. "He has a habit of stealing faces, and though I already told him he can't have mine, he's determined to get it."

Stealing...faces...?

"You're probably wondering why I wanted to speak with you." All too quickly, you change the subject, jumping from whatever you just said to a completely different train of thought as you turn away from her to find something amidst the clutter on your dresser. Your body obscures her view, unable to see what you're doing.

She saves you the discomfort of having a hole burned into your back from her gaze, instead taking the opportunity to look around. Do you always live in this dump? In a way, it's not hard to believe; your behaviour is reminiscent of a spoiled child who never learned to clean up their messes, yet she expected you would treat your living space with the same methodical attention as your subordinates.

"It wasn't included alongside your message," she responds absently, merely engaging because she must. Her mind is occupied, overlooking the pile of armour dumped on the floor like junk metal.

You place a glass down behind her as you speak, the sound unmistakable to her ears, compounded by the sound of something pouring. "Intentionally. You would never have come if you knew why I wanted to see you."

She cannot help but glare at the back of your head. "Is that so?"

"Indeed."

When you turn to her, she cannot help the way her attention draws to the two glasses in your hands—glasses you have no doubt filled with alcohol. Pantalone taught her such a trick not long after he became a Harbinger, and she has not a single doubt that you learned it from him as well.

While your company isn't paying attention, fill a glass and offer it to them. It's rude to refuse once it's been poured. It'll keep them put.

It didn't occur to her until after you extended the glass in your left hand to her that she realised you had trapped her in the conversation should she strive to maintain her pleasant façade. Her fist clenches tightly at her side, nails digging into her palm with a sharp pain.

Arlecchino takes the glass with a tight smile, a wordless exchange. The look in your eyes tells her you know it, too.

"I hope you didn't bring me here for a frivolous venture." Her own warning, one she feels she has earned over the past few minutes.

"No," you say, swirling the liquid in your glass as a means of entertaining yourself. "I simply wanted to observe you."

"How forward." She cannot help it by the time she realises she's said it. There is obviously disapproval in her voice.

Despite her venom, you only smile at her dumbly as if you don't notice the tone of her voice or the furrow of her brows. "Isn't it?" a rhetorical question. You let out a light chuckle at yourself. "It's strange, I thought the one to overtake the Knave would be a little more like that old hag, but it turns out you couldn't be more different if you tried."

This is what you wanted to say?

Arlecchino's eyes narrow. "What do you mean by that?" 

"Oh, come on, are you blind?" Your penchant for mockery shines through your words whether you meant it to or not. "Surely you've noticed by now."

"I don't aspire to become my mother," she retorts just a touch more harshly than she meant to.

"I meant it as a compliment, don't you realise?" you question, "The House has run this way for years because she made it that way. I'm sure many of the children she bought are itching to go home." Your musings lead somewhere—they must—and yet you insist on meandering your way there at a leisurely pace to draw it out. It's as if you wait and watch with eyes filled with curiosity for her to guess, but she makes no attempt to. "Will you return them to their families?"

Arlecchino considered it many times. The thought is appealing. It would be like setting her siblings—now her children—free. She grew up alongside them, played with them as a child and now presides over them.

Wanting to stall, Arlecchino takes a sip from the glass before speaking.

"No," she answers. 

It's not possible. 

If not a monetary figure or tangible reason, it quickly became a stark impossibility when she considered that someone would have to explain why the orphans the Knave had acquired carefully raised were being returned. 

Many would live in harsh conditions, some would die or merely be sold again, and some were too broken down by motherly love to find their peace in the common world again. 

It's not worth the pain of trying.

Something in her answer piques your interest, and she notices your hardly disguised intrigue almost immediately. Years of wearing a helmet to hide your emotions have certainly done a number on how much you are able to hide them naturally. 

"I thought for certain you would say yes."

"You were incorrect."

You quirk an eyebrow at her as if to challenge that idea. "Was I?" you question.

Were you?

"Yes," she says before she can think of anything to disprove that. Time made her aware of the many impossibilities she had spent years fantasising about, but she would not share that with you.

"You're certainly gentler than her," you remark, almost a passing comment as it's quickly overshadowed, "Less of a pain in the ass to talk to as well. I'd have to chase her for days to get her to come talk to me."

Arlecchino suddenly understands why the room is in such a state of disarray—you hadn't expected her. Instead, you were tearing your room apart under the impression you would have days to clean it up before she found her way to you. It seems that punctuality is a burden to you. If nothing else, it's motivation to never be late.

She finds herself aimlessly staring into the glass in her hand, a lesser part of her mind trying to determine what's in it, though too clouded by conflict to place an answer anytime soon. Instead, she stands and listens to whatever you insist on saying, lost in your words and the musings of the past, your unique knowledge of what came before her.

The observations of now the piercing gaze that threatens to spill her soul out before the two of you and dissect it as you please while she watches at the mercy of your rank, the lingering respect that refuses to leave her from years of seeing you as an ideal.

Talking to you is something quite bizarre; knowing you is something even stranger. 

She may never forget the time you spent intrigued by the young orphan who overthrew her mother to take her place at your side as your colleague.

CROSSPOSTED ON AO3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for missing rehearsals for a concert?

I (17X) play the cello and am participating in my local conservatorium’s string ensembles concert in three days. I have been aware of the concert since the start of term (aka four weeks ago). For the first three weeks of this term, I have been completing my final high school exams (I can’t be more specific because it differs wordwide, but they’re the exams that acknowledge that you’ve fully completed your secondary education y’know) so that was obviously very intense and I had a lot on my plate. At the start of term, my cello teacher S (late 20s?F) told me that I’d be playing a solo in the big finale piece that everyone from every ensemble plays in, as I’m one of the more advanced students. I was given the music for this at the start of term, and we have been practicing it in our weekly lessons so that I am prepared. There will be a rehearsal for this piece a few hours before the concert begins. I was also aware that I was performing in my school strings ensemble (which is a piece I have played before with the ensemble and am familiar with), and S also organised that the four Year 12 students (including me) would play a piece together. She organised to have three rehearsals for this on the three days before the concert (aka today, tomorrow and the next). As by this time I knew I would have finished all my exams, I told her that I should be free to be at these rehearsals.

Since finishing high school a week ago, I have gotten a job at a local café, as I haven’t had a job in high school like most people due to not having time with my music commitments. Unfortunately, I was rostered to have work on the days of the first Year 12 piece rehearsal (aka today), the third Year 12 piece rehearsal, and the day of the concert itself (so I would miss the finale piece rehearsal beforehand and would just make it on time for the concert). I considered trying to swap these shifts so that I could go, but A) given that I am brand new (today was my third ever shift) I didn’t think it would be a good idea to try and get out of it so early on in my employment, and B) I didn’t actually have any way to contact a manager and ask for shifts off until today because they hadn’t properly sorted out my paperwork and information yet. I tried to look for solutions for this, but yesterday I decided that I just wouldn’t be able to make it, so I message S to inform her and apologise. She obviously wasn’t happy about this (she started her reply with “yikes”), and checked to see whether I was still happy to play in the school string piece (which I confirmed) and asked whether I was able to play in the concert with another ensemble that I used to play in (I said yes, and she said she’d get the music to me). I left it at this, with the intention to practice my pieces a lot over the next few days.

Today, both me and my mum received an email from S. She was quite angry about the fact that I wasn’t able to attend two out of the three Year 12 piece rehearsals, calling it bad etiquette and saying that it “reflects poorly in the professional world”. (I agree that it wasn’t great for me to have to pull out of those rehearsals when I had previously said that I should be available, but as I said above, I wasn’t really in a position where I could change this). She also said that I was supposed to be at school strings rehearsals yesterday, and at rehearsals for the ensemble I’m no longer in and was only just asked to play in. In this ensemble’s rehearsal, they also ran through the finale piece that I am playing a solo in (which I wasn’t aware they would be doing). S claimed that I had been told that I was supposed to be at these rehearsals this week — I have absolutely zero recollection of this, to the point where I doubt I was asked, but if I was, it was before or during my exams, in which case it doesn’t surprise me that I forgot, as I was highly stressed and just trying to focus on getting through school. I was never given another reminder to be there, so I had no idea I was supposed to be at the rehearsals yesterday. Because of how annoyed she was, I was forced to speak to someone about leaving my shift on the concert day early so that I can attend the rehearsal beforehand, but I’m still not able to attend the Year 12 piece rehearsal in two days time.

I feel really bad about the whole thing, because I genuinely am quite close with S and I know she’s put in a lot of effort to this concert. However, I feel like she’s being unfair in her annoyance. I was unaware I had to be at any rehearsals yesterday because this wasn’t clearly communicated to me (and even if to others it was implied that I should be there, I’m not the kind of person that will pick up on this — I need to be explicitly told). If I had known I was expected to be there, I absolutely would have been there. And obviously not being able to go to the rehearsals because I’m working is frustrating, but I really don’t feel like I had much choice in the matter. If I had been working there for a while, I absolutely would have asked for the days off, but I feel like it’s unfair to expect me to try and cancel those shifts when I’ve only just started the job. I’m glad I’ve managed to arrange to be at the concert day rehearsal, so that I can practice the solo with the rest of the ensemble, but even if I hadn’t been able to, I’ve been practicing the piece and I’ve done performances where I haven’t had a proper rehearsal before, so I think it would have been fine.

Hopefully this made sense, I tried to provide as much detail as possible but I’m very tired and am struggling to be coherent, and it’s also hard to explain the situation through text. So, tl;dr, AITA for:

Not being at rehearsals yesterday that I was unaware I was supposed to be at?

Having to cancel rehearsals because I was rostered during those times?

What are these acronyms?

[hooked-on-elvis]

[FAN STORY] "Those five or six minutes that will stay in my heart forever" — Excerpt: "ELVIS: Live at the International" by Kieran Davis (2011)

February 18, 1970: Elvis backstage with fan, Judy Cherry. Judy is an England "super fan" of Elvis, who met him in 1970, at the International Hotel in Las Vegas, NV.

Here's Judy's recollections of that moment:

"... The first thing I said when he came out was just a whispered 'Elvis!' He put his arms around me and gave me a nice warm hug. I told him I had waited fourteen years for this and he said 'Have you? That's a long time to wait, isn't it honey?' Then gave Jamie (the girl with me) a nice hug and said, 'Did you come all the way from England?' She said, 'Yes' He said, 'Thank you, hon.'

I said, 'Elvis, do you have time for a couple of pictures?' His answer was a warm, 'Sure.' So while Jamie was getting my camera out, I showed him a copy of the Elvis Presley story, that I had brought with me, and told him I had had it since 1957. He seemed genuinely amazed. He came across this one real old picture and said, 'This really is old, man. I was 21 years old here!'

Note: Possibly, Judy is refereeing to a magazine called "ELVIS PRESLEY: THE INTIMATE STORY MAGAZINE" (Published in 1957)

IMPORTANT UPDATE -- March 2024: I won't erase what I published orignally because there are friends who reblogged it already and I feel this can look confusing, but one minor correction is needed. This magazine above is definitely NOT the one Judy Cherry was holding for Elvis to sign. @whositmcwhatsit posted the actual book on her blog which is "The Elvis Presley Story edited by James Gregory, introduction by Dick Clark". I apologize for the wrong assumption I made, friends. I had never saw the actual book cover (until now), thus when researching the name "the Elvis Presley story", as Judy mentioned in her recollection, it only got me to think the magazine I shared on my original post [the one above] could be a the one she was referring to. My bad. Well, it's corrected thanks to our wonderful Jade. ♥ I hope you don't mind, dear, if I use the picture of your copy to illustrate this post.

Photo by the copy our friend Jade [@whositmcwhatsit] bought. Lucky girl! Precious!🥹🩷

[Continuing the story...]

"In between these dribbles of conversation we had taken one picture (shown at the beginning of this post), had some trouble with the flashcube and now we're taking another picture... then he turned to Jamie and said, 'Now we are gonna get one with you, aren't we honey?' I got the picture, he said goodbye to Jamie and came over and gave me a hug. I said, 'Goodbye, Elvis, I'll see you tomorrow night... whether you see me or not: cause I'll be going to the show every night for the rest of the time.' He seemed really surprised at this and said 'Eleven times! Thank you so much, sweetheart. I just wish I could meet everyone of you!'

"He kissed me goodbye and he was gone but the 5 or 6 minutes will stay in my heart forever."

♥

One of the things I love the most about EP (and what turned me into a passionate fan of his) is how loving he was with his fans, he really listened to them. He treated them like people, not numbers or simply "admirers". He cared about giving them the time of their lives once they were there to watch him performing or even if they were just around to ask for his autograph or pictures. Elvis was truly genuine when interacting with them — actually this word "genuine" is used by many of the fortunate fans who got to meet and talk to him, to describe EP's interactions with them.

He cared so much about his fans that it's said he could remember the frequent ones by their names, all of them, the die hard fans, and even asked about some of them to his other fans whenever they were uncommonly not around for a few days (specifically talking about the fans that hanged around at his homes gates now).

EP was a great guy. He deserved all the success he conquered. The best performer ever! It's always said the good ones are always taken from us too soon. Well, that seems to be the truth, tragically. How we wish we could see and talk to him today, having such great memories like Judy's, while EP would be at his 88 year-young of a well-lived life. Imagine the conversations with this guy! The stories he could share with us. Anyway, we'll forever cherish you, EP.⚡♥

[heliads]

Hello, glad I can submit this request then, I barely find any Luke Castellan fics he needs more love 😭

Anyways, I just wanted to request something small like headcannons on what it would be like at the aftermath of the Battle of Manhattan if Luke didn't die, what would he be like and how the reader would help him overcome his trauma or problems ? Just pure fluff is what I'm trying to say ;_;

Sorry if that doesn't make any sense... Please let me know if you don't understand me XD

But thank you so much if you write this <3

i see that you have asked for headcanons but i am so delighted by this request that you get a full fic instead (ily)

masterlist

Luke Castellan is not sure what to do with the fact that he did not die. It would have made for a better ending, he thinks. It was the logical conclusion. He tried to make a better world, and when that failed, he could have been terminated along with that last dream. It is what most people would have decided was best.

Yet Luke opens his eyes– his eyes, not someone else’s, not that awful feeling of having his body belong to some being that was not even human, let alone not him– and he is alive. Luke is not sure yet whether this is good or bad. He’s not sure that anything in this world could remotely fit into those categories anymore.

He stares up at a blank ceiling above, which confuses him. Last time he checked, Luke was dying on the ruined floor of the gods’ throne room. There had still been a roof over his head, but Luke swore that he could see a sky of the deepest blue. Luke had felt himself fall into that wondrous lapis void, and then he had felt nothing at all.

That was supposed to be dying. It was more peaceful than most people would say he deserved, given all the hell Luke wreaked on the world by allying with Kronos. Luke’s supposed ending had certainly not been pretty:  a dagger in his hand, stabbed into the one place the immortal waters of the River Styx hadn’t protected him. Achilles’ curse had lifted, and Luke was free of the Titan that had been consuming his body whole.

Yet Luke is staring up at a room that is neither burned nor broken. At first, he wonders if this is what death is like, but he’s heard enough stories of the Underworld to know that it would never be this simplistic. No, this isn’t Death; Luke sits up slowly and manages to fight nausea long enough to realize that he’s back in Camp Half-Blood. Back home, his mind tells him, and Luke has to remind himself that’s not true anymore. He has no home. He has no people, he left them all a very long time ago.

A voice to his side makes Luke whip around.

“I’d sit down if I were you.”

Luke trains his eyes until they slowly, begrudgingly focus on an orange-shirted figure seated next to him. At last, he realizes he recognizes the guy. Will Solace, one of Apollo’s kids. He must have been in charge of bringing Luke back from the dead. 

Luke is baffled by the fact that Will is perched here and not Michael Yew, current head of the Apollo cabin, until it occurs to him that Michael is likely dead. That explains the hollows under Will’s eyes, at least, and the undercurrent of hate that Will only barely keeps at bay. Such strong emotions for a boy who’s usually so cheerful. Luke supposes he only has himself to blame for that.

Will may despise Luke all he wishes, but he’s still a doctor at heart. The blond gestures for Luke to lean back down. “If you rip out your stitches and make my work worthless, I’ll kill you myself.” Will says.

Luke arches a brow. “How do I know you won’t do that anyway?”

“I’m still debating,” Will replies pleasantly.

Someone laughs next to him. “Try to stay civil, Solace. Our time for killing is over.”

A camper takes a seat on Luke’s other side. After a few moments of recollection, his addled head realizes that he knows them. That’s Y/N L/N, they’ve been in the Hermes cabin for the longest time, not one of Luke’s half siblings on the godly side but yet another demigod gone unclaimed for years. They used to complain about that to him. He doubts they would repeat the same sentiments now.

Will groans. “Let me at least try to be intimidating, L/N. I only get to do it so often.”

Y/N cracks a grin, then turns to Luke. “I imagine you must have a lot of questions.”

Luke narrows his eyes at them. “Why aren’t I dead?”

Y/N does a superb job of ignoring Will’s clear sentiment that he’d like an answer to that as well, keeping their gaze firmly trained on Luke. “You tried to stop Kronos in the end. Chiron decided that, seeing as you did all that in an effort to protect unclaimed kids and demigods who were ignored by their godly parents, you deserved a second chance.”

“Does anyone other than Chiron actually believe that?” Luke asks pointedly.

Y/N shrugs. “Depends on what you do when you get out of here.”

Will jumps up. “That’s my cue to check on the rest of my suffering patients. You know, the ones that didn’t try to betray us.”

Y/N watches him go. “Ignore him. He’s–”

Luke cuts her off. “Mad that I tried to kill everyone here? I can’t blame him.”

“So you regret what you did?” Y/N questions slowly.

“I don’t regret trying to do something,” Luke says, “only that the gods weren’t as hurt as the demigods. I didn’t want to hurt us, just them. Olympus could use a good scare.”

Thunder rumbles overhead, loud and overbearing. Luke imagines it’s a warning to him:  he’s treading on thin ice by staying alive, he’d better not press his luck by insulting the gods anymore.

Y/N sighs, evidently thinking the same thing. “You wouldn’t be the only one to want the world to change.”

Luke glances over at them. Obviously, he hasn’t seen Y/N since he switched sides, but he had forgotten that they used to be friends. Good friends, too. It’s nice to have at least that back to normal.

“You haven’t been claimed in the last while, have you?” He asks, changing the subject away from more dangerous waters.

Y/N smiles. “Actually, I have. Percy made the gods swear to start claiming more of their kids. I found out about my parentage a few days ago.”

Luke nods solemnly, but doesn’t ask for further details. He made a point of prioritizing the demigod over their godly parent when he was recruiting for Kronos during the war, and he supposes that habit has stuck. It makes him wonder how many more traits of the enemy he won’t ever be able to shake.

“So when do I get out of here?”

Y/N folds their arms across their chest. “Depends on what you mean by getting out of here. You’ll get a clean bill of health within the next day or two, most likely. You won’t be leaving the camp for months, though, if ever.”

The implications of that don’t have to be spoken aloud. Luke messed up, obviously, and so he’ll be on house arrest until the end of time. If he can prove that he’s worth the effort of saving, maybe they’ll let him live his life, but until then he’ll be monitored around the clock.

It’s more than he expected, at any rate. Part of Luke thought that he’d be handed over to some sort of trial once he healed up, made to face his crimes and be overly punished accordingly. That way, the gods could point to him in the decades and centuries to come as proof of why half-bloods should never reach for more than they deserve.

But no, he’ll be living. That’s certainly something. Luke leans back slowly against his cot and ponders this. “Do I get a personal guard or something?”

Y/N lifts a shoulder. “Kind of. You get me. I’m supposed to follow you around and make sure you don’t try to escape.”

Luke snorts. “How’d you get stuck with that job?”

“I asked for it,” Y/N says coolly.

Luke is taken aback. “Why’d you do that?” He can’t imagine anyone in this camp actively trying to bond with him, let alone someone he knew as well as Y/N. Wouldn’t they hate him for betraying them?

They might be just as surprised about it as he is. “I’m not entirely sure. Guess I thought I was the only one who wouldn’t actively try to kill you in your sleep.”

They’re brutal about it, but it’s kind of nice. Honesty is the only sort of medicine that Luke feels like he can stomach right now. Mollycoddling and sugarcoating just serve to waste time.

He half expects Y/N to back out of it, but no, when Luke is declared medically sound and all but forced out of the hospital wing by swordpoint, they’re waiting for him by the door. Luke staggers out into the bright sunlight and looks around like he’s in a dream. The camp has changed since he last saw it. Cabins have sprung up like wildflowers and more are being constructed by the moment.

Y/N notices him staring and gestures towards the new buildings. “See, that’s your doing, even if no one wants to admit it. A ton of new kids have been claimed. Hermes cabin has never been so empty.”

Bitterness surges through Luke’s throat before he can stop it. “I thought that was Percy’s idea.”

Y/N shakes their head. “Percy only got the idea from you. You can make yourself a villain if you want, but you weren’t entirely heartless. You got my godly parent to claim me, and that’s worth a lot.”

Luke smiles to himself as they go. Y/N leads him to the door of their cabin. It’s still cavernously empty compared to the close quarters Luke remembers in Hermes, and he only notices one bunk with belongings on it.

“You’re the only one here?” He asks.

Y/N nods. “So far, at least. I’ve got you now, though. Just as a warning, I will be claiming cabin counselor privileges and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

Luke grins before he realizes it. The expression makes his scar ache, but he finds he doesn’t mind it quite so much as before. “I won’t fight you on that.”

He pulls himself onto the top bunk of one of the many empty rows and surveys his new domain. “Do you think it was worth it? Figuring out who your godly parent was just for them to leave you like this?”

After all, what a life. An empty cabin already collecting dust. It’s cold in here without bodies inside to warm it up. The walls are barren of personal touches. Y/N knows their heritage, yes, and is able to move out of a cabin that was never theirs, but this doesn’t seem like much of a blessing.

Y/N lingers by the foot of Luke’s bunk, and he gestures for them to climb up and join him. They do so in a heartbeat, and then they’re sitting opposite each other, gazes locked and breathing steady.

“It can be lonely,” they admit, “but it’s not so bad. You have hope that it won’t always be this way. Maybe someone will come. Maybe someone already has.”

Luke swallows harshly. “I missed you.”

He blurts it out, hardly aware of what he’s saying. He missed a hell of a lot. Y/N. Laughing at midnight, their whispered words covered up by the sounds of dozens of campers sleeping shoulder to shoulder. Training during the day, the clash of celestial bronze. Orange shirts burning like beacons against their backs. Being able to wear his beaded necklace without feeling like a traitor, even if that’s what he is and always will be.

Y/N leans forward. “I missed you too. I kept hearing about you, which is more than you got of me, but it didn’t feel right. I don’t know where the boy I knew is, if he even exists anymore, but I’d like to try and find him again.”

“I’d like to find him again too,” Luke whispers.

It is the dream of a broken boy bleeding out in the palace of the gods. At this moment, Luke isn’t entirely sure that he didn’t die there in the Olympian throne room. If someone told him that this is what dying is like, conjuring up a vision of what he wishes he could have most of all, Luke would have believed them.

In the end, Luke has no idea if this is real or not. All he can do is keep going, keep waking up each morning to see if he is still in the hazy aftermath of a second chance or finally locked down below in the Underworld. Luke always wanted to try for the Isles of the Blest anyway. Maybe this is just his second life, his second attempt at getting there.

He reaches out on impulse and takes Y/N’s hand. He can feel the blood pumping through their veins, the same certainty as being able to press his fingers against a locked door and know exactly how to break in. This is Luke’s next great trick, but he thinks he’d like to do it right.

“Alright, then,” Luke says at last, “Let’s try again.”

pjo taglist: @w1shes43

[deiaiko]

#20.5 Care

"Agni…" Grace shook him awake.

Agni stirred on the bed, a little displeased. Grace was being a little rough today. Ever since they started living together in this new timeline, Agni usually woke up to Grace kissing his cheek, not an urgent grip on his shoulder. It would have raised his awareness, but for some reason, his body was refusing to do so.

"Please, wake up." Grace begged, voice a little wet.

Agni forced himself to open his eyes, squinting at the blinding light that made his head ache. Once his vision adjusted to the room, he saw that Grace was close to tears. He visibly deflated once Agni managed to lock gazes with him and finally let the dam break free. "Oh thank goodness. I've been trying to wake you a few times but you didn't respond so I thought–" Grace wiped his tears off and tried to regain himself.

"Wh-" Agni coughed weakly, his throat was so dry. What happened?

Grace began explaining anyway. "When I woke up I noticed that you had a fever. So I tried to check on you, but you were more sluggish than your normal sick days. So I was afraid that you were–"

Grace stopped mid-ramble as Agni found and squeezed Grace's hand, trying to stop him from panicking. Waiting for Grace to recollect himself, Agni pushed himself up to sit to make himself more awake. The world spun and a wave of nausea hit him full force. Agni pushed himself off the bed and stumbled a little when his knee tingled uncomfortably. Realizing this, Grace swooped him off his feet and carried him down to the bathroom.

Soon Agni found himself sitting down on the floor next to the toilet bowl. Grace draped a blanket over him before Agni realized he was shivering. Agni noticed that his breath was hot and his shirt clung to his skin from cold sweat. 

Because their bedroom and the bathroom were quite a hassle to go back and forth from, Grace prepared the water bed in the bathroom for them to use later, and Agni was thankful for his thoughtfulness. Grace then sat next to him and mindlessly rubbed on Agni's hunched back, up and down along his spine comfortingly.

As Agni emptied his stomach in the toilet, he hazily recalled taking a little more sleeping pills than he should have last night, plus drinking a few cups of wine beforehand. Though given the circumstances, he didn't know whether he could've stopped himself from doing so. In that case, he must've had a hangover, on top of the chills that he usually got after using his ice shinsu, which often developed into fever.

The room was quiet after the wave of nausea passed, and the silence was nice against his foggy mind. His breath was still slow and uneven, and his throat felt arid and sore. Grace didn't look like he was faring any better, with his eyes red and swollen, movement sluggish as if he was working on autopilot. Still, Grace tended to him patiently until Agni felt okay enough to lay back down on the bed.

However, Grace didn't join him as Agni thought he would, and instead made his way to the door. "I will get you some medicine."

"Do you know which to get?" Agni rasped out. When Grace didn't answer right away, Agni typed the answer in his pocket. "There, sent." Only then did Agni notice the time, so he added, "You should get breakfast as well, if you have not."

"Maybe. I won't leave for long." And Grace closed the door after saying that.

Agni was just hoping that Grace could have a breather from being cooped up to take care of him, but deep down he was relieved with that promise. After all, the thought of being left alone when his body felt like it was chained to the ground spiked his anxiety. His stomach churned as bad memories replayed in his mind from the reminder. He dragged his heavy feet and kneeled beside the toilet bowl for the second time, already missing the comfort of the bed. He retched to try getting rid of the awful feeling, but it wasn't effective when he had nothing else to empty.

As the sleep medication wore off, his thoughts also returned louder, and Agni was reminded again of why he decided to take another dose last night. It wasn't like him to do something so impulsive, but after Grace fell asleep crying, everything seemed too much to bear alone. He needed something to help him quiet all the guilt that he had piled up.

All the events leading up to that tragedy replayed vividly over and over. Each time he tried to think of ways it could've ended differently, but only a few seemed to have played in their favor. But of course, what good would it do him anyway? Because he couldn't change what had happened, even if he went back to the past. And the fact that they were gone was the reality he had to live with from now on.

Grace returned quicker than he had anticipated, with the food tray and all. But his complexion did look much better than before he left, so Agni felt somewhat relieved.

"Bam is outside," was what Grace said as a greeting. And yeah, it did explain a lot for his better mood.

"You should spend time with him." Because Grace needed someone to cheer him up, and who else knew how to do it better than himself? "Don't worry about me."

"How could I not?" Grace sat next to him, putting the food tray on the floor, completely ignoring Agni's former suggestion. Grace brushed his palm on Agni's forehead, the clear temperature difference made his eyebrows knit together in concern. "Your fever rose."

"It's not usually this stubborn." Agni exhaled some of his frustration, and began coughing as his body reminded him of how dry his throat was. He took a careful sip of the water that Grace offered and waited for it to settle before taking the medicine, swallowing it dry out of habit. 

"You should eat something." Grace pulled the tray so it was within Agni's reach. "Or drink some water, you're dehydrated."

Agni groaned, though he knew he needed to get something in his system to make his body focus on recovering. He nibbled on the crackers and drank the water little by little, deciding to take his time rather than risk it. Grace looked very satisfied when Agni managed to get everything down, which in turn also made Agni feel somewhat accomplished.

Not long afterward, Agni yawned, tired after being kept awake by the nausea and his loud thoughts. Grace had pulled Agni to sit on his lap, body facing each other to share as much warmth while keeping Agni upright, or else he might have an upset stomach later.

The way Grace's breath brushed past his neck grounded him, as it was an easy thing to focus on. Time passed slowly, and it would've lulled him to sleep if Grace didn't let the silence linger. There was a tenseness in Grace's shoulders, and the way Grace hugged him a little tighter than usual was enough to tell him not to leave his wave controller alone drowning in his thoughts. The moment Grace's breathing started to get uneven, Agni knew that Grace was crying. Absentmindedly, he began rubbing and patting Grace's back, earning him some sniffles. It was pathetic that this was the only thing Agni could offer to support Grace, but he couldn't think of anything better that he was able to give as of the moment.

Agni didn't cry, though he wished he could, so his chest could relieve some of the pressure and stop aching. To think that they were willing to save him without thinking of the consequences, was something Agni still had a hard time believing. That he was able to hold Grace like this was all thanks to them. He could've died that day if Rak didn't protect him, or he could've lost his mind by living in that damned place if Isu and Hatz didn't come for him. He missed his old team, both dead and alive, and all that he left behind in that war time. He never admitted it out loud, but god he missed them.

Eventually, Grace pulled away. His eyes were red and puffy, but his movements were no longer on autopilot. He tucked Agni back to bed after checking his temperature, saying that it had gone lower, and evidently it ceased some of his worry.

Agni snuggled closer to Grace, finding comfort at the thought of him. Alive, real and close by. "Thank you, for being here." 

The corner of Grace's lips pulled upwards in a gentle smile, "You too." His free hand ran through Agni's hair and massaged his scalp. "Get better soon."

Agni started to drift off to sleep then, comfortably tucked up under a blanket and safe in Grace's embrace. He remembered the way Grace placed a lingering kiss on his forehead before Agni was out completely.

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[electronickingdomfox]

"Killing Time" review

Novel from 1985, by Della Van Hise. Published right after Ishmael, it involves again time-tampering. Only this time, the villains (here Romulans) are successful in their attempts to rewrite history, so most of the novel is set in an alternate universe. The basic difference is that, in this new universe, the Federation was founded by Vulcans instead of humans, so Spock is the starship captain, while Kirk is a mere Ensign with a troubled past.

The story presents some interesting concepts, like the flow of time and history being somehow ingrained in the very fabric of the universe, so no matter the alterations, it tends to revert to its original course, or rip itself apart (a concept which, in some shape or another, was also present in The Entropy Effect and the previous novel). There's also much discussion about "alternate selves", paths not taken in life, and whether these versions of ourselves still exist somewhere and can be reached through dreams. Sometimes, the "mechanics" of time-alteration are a bit iffy, or poorly explained. For example, it seems very unlikely that people like Uhura or Scotty would have the same exact post in the alternate universe (shouldn't they be replaced by Vulcans?). And since it's explained that travelling at warp drive makes one immune to the time alterations, why aren't more starships (the Enterprise included) spared from the effects? Anyway, this is just to be nitpicky; after all, the story doesn't require much more suspension of disbelief than other TOS novels.

Other than a bit of purple prose here and there, I didn't find the writing bad. And characterization is pretty fine. The portrait of Kirk as a rebellious Ensign is a curious precedent for the 2009 movie Kirk, and his grief is quite moving. Spock and McCoy's interactions are spot-on. And so far, this novel has the best, most complex portrayal of the Romulan Commander (from "The Enterprise Incident"), as a cunning, powerful woman, and yet vulnerable in her love/hate for Spock. It's perhaps the latter who comes off most out-of-character; at times Spock seems a bit too emotional and soft, though not to the point of being unrecognizable.

On the other hand, the structure is a bit clumsy. A good chunk of the book keeps going over and over the effects that history alteration has on the mind, turning people crazy, or inducing dreams about the original reality. Since the Romulan scheme is fully revealed quite early on, these chapters don't have all that much interest: we already know what's happening, we already know why people are having those dreams... (So no, I'm not interested in the content of Ensign Kirk's dreams, since I already know what's there; stop trying to put him in that vid-scan thing, McCoy). However, the plot takes off once the characters finally decide to do something about all this mess, and get involved in further Romulan schemes. The later chapters, thus, are more interesting, and there are some pretty emotive scenes towards the ending.

In conclusion, this isn't one of the best novels, though it has its high points. It would have been rather unremarkable among the long string of TOS novels, were it not for the controversies surrounding its publication. For those, see the "Spirk Meter" at the end.

Spoilers under the cut:

The Enterprise is patrolling the Romulan Neutral Zone, when several crewmembers start experiencing disturbing dreams. A common theme in those, is seeing Spock as the Captain, in a somehow changed Enterprise. While Kirk sees himself as a mere Ensign. There are also some rumors about an experiment going on in the Romulan Empire...

After an abrupt change, the next chapter presents a totally different reality. Kirk is now an Ensign recently assigned to the "VSS ShiKahr", commanded by Spock. Having been in prison for the murder of an Academy teacher (of which he has no recollection), Kirk was subjected to the Talos Device, which left him having frequent nightmares and addicted to drugs. He was given the choice between a rehabilitation colony, or forceful draft into the Fleet. Anyway, he has little interest in serving in a starship, or life in general, since he knows he'll never get his own command due to his past. His life is made even more miserable by his bully roomate Donner. Soon thereafter, strange phenomena are experienced by some crewmembers. Spock gets fleeting glimpses of another reality, that leave him dizzy. And one crewman succumbs to madness, and tries to blow up the entire ship, after sabotaging the matter/antimatter valves. After performing some scans on the insane man, McCoy discovers that his brain has two separate sets of brain waves, as if they belonged to two different persons altogether. Further cases of insanity throughout the galaxy are suspected, when a Vulcan Admiral orders the ShiKahr to invade the Romulan Empire in a suicidal mission. Spock, of course, stalls the order as long as he can.

The narrative changes focus then, to present what's going on in the Romulan ship "Ravon", where Commander Tazol remembers his recent confrontation with her wife Sarela. She was strongly opposed to the Praetor's plans to interfere in Earth's past, and assassinate three key figures in the founding of the Federation, so it never comes to be. Sarela is afraid the plan will be a total failure, like all the other plans of the Praetor to tamper with timelines. Nonetheless, Tazol is a complete blockhead, and proceeds with the plan. The idea is receiving the Praetor aboard (a mysterious, hooded figure that only his close advisors have ever seen face to face), and then enter warp drive to avoid the history-altering effects. That way, everyone aboard the Ravon will keep intact their memories of the so-called First History, along with its records, to later compare them with the situation in the Second History (the altered timeline). It turns out that, as Sarela expected, Second History isn't all it's cracked up to be... The Federation wasn't founded on Earth, true, but in its place, a similar Alliance of planets was started in Vulcan. The Romulan Empire has hardly benefitted from this, and now its enemies are mostly the tough Vulcans, instead of humans. The Praetor orders Sarela to his quarters, for a private discussion of the situation, much to Tazol's chagrin.

Meanwhile in the ShiKahr, McCoy has been performing vid-scans (a kind of visual recording of people's dreams) on several persons. Some of them show dreams of a "golden-haired Captain". While others show disturbing "negative scans". McCoy is a complete genius, because from this flimsy evidence he concludes, correctly, that reality has been shifted. And those that have ended in different positions in life, will become maladjusted to the changes, and eventually turn mad. Also, those showing negative scans now, are persons who are already dead in the original timeline (and this opens up an interesting ethical dilemma when reverting the changes, since it will mean instant death for those persons; sadly, this isn't further explored). For his part, crazy Admiral is still doing his crazy thing, and now orders the ShiKahr on a diplomatic mission, on a planet of savages that weren't expecting diplomats at all. The landing party is attacked, Donner is killed (good for him) and Spock is injured.

Cutting back to the Ravon, Sarela discovers that the Praetor is actually... a woman! Something that's not allowed in the Romulan Empire, thus the need for the permanent hood in public (and it also explains why all the Praetor slaves are now pretty boys...). Automatically, Sarela's respect for the Praetor goes up tenfold (huh, wasn't the Praetor a complete idiot a second ago, with all those stupid plans? The fact she's a woman should change nothing!). Well, as it turns out, the stupid plans weren't hers, but came from her father. She just went ahead with them because it was too late to back out, and also because she still expects some good to come out of it. Thea (the Praetor) explains that she's going to use Spock to sign a peace treaty with the Alliance, and introduce Surak's teachings among Romulans, to further the cause of peace (doesn't sound like a very evil plan, if you ask me). By kidnapping Kirk, she'll blackmail Spock into doing all this, while disguised with the hood as if he were the real Praetor. She still holds a grudge towards Kirk and Spock, since in First History, those two stole a cloaking device from her, revealing thus that she's the Romulan Commander from the series. Thea suspects that the Vulcans will, sooner or later, discover the time tampering and revert it, but some effects of Second History (like the peace treaty) will be indelibly embedded in the universe, anyway. Sarela agrees to help her, specially after she receives her own pretty boy slave.

For his part, Spock instructs Christopher Pike (here still a happy captain of a ship) to stop the crazy Admiral, before he causes all-out war. After this, the ShiKahr intercepts a Romulan shuttle, apparently crippled and adrift, and takes it aboard. The only passengers, apparently, are Thea and Sarela, and they're taken into custody. However, hibernating inside the shuttle, and thus not detected as life forms, were Thea's slaves. They wake up a while later, disguise themselves as Vulcan guards, and order Kirk to the briefing room. Sensing a trap, Kirk attacks them, but the Romulans subdue and kidnap both Kirk and his new roomate: Richardson. They depart in the Ravon, and leave the two hostages stranded in a desolate planet, with just basic survival gear. Spock learns about this too late, so he has no alternative but cooperating with Thea. Secretly, though, he plans to infiltrate the Romulan Empire to get the secret of time travel (unknown to the Alliance), and the details to revert the timeline.

Spock, dressed as the Praetor, McCoy, half-dressed as his...slave, and S'Parva, some kind of dog-girl with telepathic powers, accompany Thea back to the Ravon. Spock, as many other people, is also succumbing to madness, which in his case manifests as pon farr. He covers it up as a simple infection, and requests the medical assistance of slave-McCoy to create a distraction. The moment is seized by S'Parva to get inside the computer system. Later, Spock reviews the data, learning about the slingshot effect to travel through time. Both Spock and S'Parva receive also telepathic transmissions from Kirk and Richardson, respectively (S'Parva having formed previously a mind link with Richardson through an experiment). This way, they learn the location of the hostages. Nonetheless, Spock ends up losing consciousness due to the worsening of his symptons. Thea, who still loves Spock in some way, forms a temporary bond with him, and helps him out of pon farr (that is, they fuck).

Once in the Praetor's palace in Romulus, Thea learns about all the incidents of madness happening in the Empire. And finally, after a lengthy conversation, Spock manages to convince her of the necessity of reversing the changes. If this goes on, soon half the galaxy will be destroyed by madness. Spock regrets that he can't stay with her, as his present persona will disappear along Second History. Nonetheless, he will bring Kirk along to the past, to restore the timeline; that way, both of them will keep some remembrance of this alternate history, and will later use their influence to realize Thea's plans for peace. Thea relents, and after rescuing Kirk and Richardson, they make a slingshot maneuver in the shuttle, arriving in Earth's past. However, Thea leaves them to their own devices from now onwards.

Having arrived in San Francisco a while before the assassination, Kirk, Spock and Richardson enter the conference room, where the three politicians are due to make a speech. Kirk creates a distraction by revealing Spock's alien features to the surprised humans, and this prompts the assassins to reveal themselves. In the commotion, everyone escapes to safety (including the politicians), while Kirk and Spock confront the assassins. These are actually human-looking androids, and after a difficult fight, they destroy them, though Richardson is killed in the process. Then Spock takes out a disruptor to destroy the android remains (his excuse for not using the disruptor earlier being that Kirk needed to reassert himself as Captain by getting into a fist-fight, which is... a bullshit excuse, really). After this, Kirk and Spock (also mortally wounded in the fight) go to the rooftop. And there's a pretty sad scene, where both wait for their current selves to disappear in the reality shift, thus dying in a sense.

Everything is back to normal, though Kirk, Spock and Richardson keep having dreams about their alternate lives. Kirk also finds a ring that belonged to his other self, and reflects with melancholy about the fate of "Ensign Kirk". After a mind-meld with Spock, both of them get a clearer view about the events of Second History, and decide to cooperate with Thea to achieve peace. In the end, Kirk leaves the ring behind, knowing it will disappear and return to its real owner, somewhere.

Spirk Meter: 10/10*. Now, this novel is generally regarded as the K/S novel par excellence. Is it very slashy? Yes. But is it something completely in a different league? Well, no. Most of the Marshak & Culbreath novels are as slashy as this one (and The Price of the Phoenix definitely more). Hell, a good deal of this stuff is just taken from TOS episodes, and while in "Amok Time" Spock got out of pon farr by rolling around with Kirk, here he uses the more conservative approach of sex with a woman (and Kirk is totally okay with that, not showing the slightest jealousy). I suspect that most of this fame is simply due to the novel's publication history, and not to the actual content. I've encountered two versions of this incident. The most popular one tells of readers being so scandalized by the novel's first edition, that some higher-up (even Roddenberry himself) had to intervene, and censor the novel for subsequent printings. Della Van Hise's version (presented in several fanzine articles, that you can read in sites like Fanlore) tells a much less exciting story: Basically, the editor made some cuts here and there, she approved of the changes, and then sent the novel for printing. There was an error, and the unedited version was printed instead. When the publishing house noticed it, they corrected the mistake in the second edition, which was the one supposed to see the light from the beginning. In my opinion, Van Hise's version sounds more realistic. I have difficulty believing that the same public who received Triangle a couple years before without batting an eyelid, would start a riot for this. Let alone that Gene-t'hy'la-means-lover-Roddenberry would give two shits about it (was he even that involved in the franchise by 1985?). Apart from this, the edits seem very cursorily: a slight toning-down of some affectionate scenes, cutting curse words here and there, removal of partial nudity (even in medical settings that have absolutely nothing to do with K/S), etc. They really don't look like the kind of heavy censorship of someone set against K/S after a scandal.

Now, for the slash elements (I read the first edition, so this is based on that version): Kirk and Spock are quite affectionate, often reassuring each other with a touch on the shoulder or the hand, or confiding things that they wouldn't trust to anybody else. The mental link between them (which is a staple in many novels and comics, and thus not that remarkable) is given, however, a special relevance, with them often using it to transmit warm feelings, and even communicating over great distances. The link is so strong, that some effects of Spock's pon farr start affecting Kirk. And when the reality first shifts into the alternate universe, Kirk experiences great anguish, upon feeling the link broken. It's also noteworthy that other characters that share this kind of link (Spock and Thea; Richardson and S'Parva) are in romantic relationships of sorts. Apart from the permanent link, Spock performs several mind-melds with Kirk. The first time, when he finds the Ensign sleeping in the garden and suffering nightmares, he attempts a meld to soothe his mind (similar to "Requiem for Methuselah") but Kirk rejects it. Spock, who's already starting to go crazy, attacks Jim then, and forces a mind-meld with him. The fight and Kirk's submission are vaguely homoerotic, and this was by far the most censored passage in the book. The second meld happens when they're both waiting for "death", Spock resting his head on Kirk's shoulder, and the Vulcan uses it to bring Kirk to the other reality along him. The third meld was already covered in the plot summary. Apart from this, when Spock receives glimpses of his previous life, he misses a companion by his side, once wondering if the man he sees there is his t'hy'la. And when Kirk visits his quarters at night to get his medication, Spock interviews him while still shirtless, and understands that he can't keep secrets from him. But perhaps the most blatant examples aren't what Kirk and Spock actually do, but what other characters think about them. Thea is unreasonably jealous of Kirk, and kidnaps him with the belief that Spock will do anything to rescue him, since he's his treasured human and dearest to him in all the combined universes. Actually, this isn't the real reason why Spock complies with Thea, but he agrees with her assessment that "James Kirk is even deeper in your blood than Vulcan". Richardson, as well, has the impression that Kirk and Spock belong together in any universe.

Although this is definitely a K/S novel, there's also a bit of Spones, and it's kind of hilarious that it went totally unnoticed by censors, considering the sexual element is more blatant, compared with the rather spiritual relationship of Kirk and Spock. For starters, when Kirk is first having dreams about Spock as a Captain, McCoy dismisses it as just a typical fantasy of wanting to be under Spock's authority (which totally seems like McCoy projecting there, since that's not the real cause at all). Once Spock gets the first symptoms of pon farr, McCoy is very stubborn about going with him to Romulus to treat his illness, even if he has to be his slave to do so (and as previously seen, those slaves are also the Praetor's lovers). And when Spock gets worse, McCoy confronts him about being so proud and rejecting something that should be pleasurable, pointing out that many people would want to sleep with him... while blushing himself. Finally, McCoy refuses to leave Thea alone with Spock to do her thing, and has to be brought out basically by force (like, what was his alternate plan?). It doesn't help either that McCoy is said to care for Spock more than professional ethics should have permitted.

Also incredibly explicit is Kirk's relationship with Richardson. Kirk comes out from the shower totally naked in front of him. And later they both swim naked in a pond, while Kirk experiences the heat of pon farr through his link. Not enough? Well, Richardson often calls Jim "Juliet", while Kirk calls him "Romeo". Yup.

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

[williamaltman]

Ok so, I've been wanting to talk about the whole episode 5 recollection thing ever since we saw it on the previous trailers, and since there were more shots of it in the new one too I'm gonna take the opportunity...

So, in all the little shots we've seen, we have Louis going at Lestat. So I'm guessing the idea is that they're gonna make the """fight""" actually more of a fight and not just Louis getting beaten.

Personally, I am pleased with this, because I think it's basically the best way to deal with this whole mess. I never had an issue with Lestat and Louis "fighting". What I have issue with is how extremely violent it was, how Lestat actually seriously hurt Louis. If it had been just a punch or two (though that would already be domestic abuse) I wouldn't have been fazed, but his whole body was bruised and bleeding. There was a trail of blood when he got dragged across the street. He took months to heal. In their little "fights" (actually not sure if it's more than one) in the book, Louis was completely fine. Lestat never truly hurt him physically.

So, to sort of get into a writers mindset I guess, how could you "fix it"? Well, I don't think they could say it's a fake memory. I'm sorry but the idea that it was implanted by Armand for example is just ridiculous to me. I don't think it even makes much sense in the first place, but besides that, I hate the idea of just blaming Armand to make Lestat seem better. This black and white idea of one of them being the "bad boyfriend" and the other the "good one" that comes from both sides is NOT true to the characters imo, and I also think it's a shitty narrative to go with, storytelling wise.

Besides that, I'm not sure how else you could fully retcon it and say it was fake. I saw people theorizing that only the drop was fake, but again that seems to rely on the Armand fake memory theory, and I honestly don't think they'll retcon it since it was kinda the whole point thematically from what the writers said (that it's a parallel to Paul and that they were "very pleased with themselves" for it). And clearly the initial "fight" is not fake from the new shots we got. Obviously "Louis made it up" is not an option. I remember people talking about how it was from Claudia's POV, which I honestly don't remember whether that part was supposed to be from her diary or not, but even if that's the case the most that could do is establish that the details of the fall are messy because she wasn't there to see it, and that maybe Lestat wasn't so "triumphant" after it.

Lestat attacked Louis, just because he THOUGHT Louis wanted to leave with Claudia. He started it, which does matter imo (I don't think they can change that to it being Louis) and it was completely unequal. I know this fandom is lowkey plagued with gender role discourse, but Lestat, as a stronger vampire, has a huge advantage against Louis, akin to a man hitting his wife, but probably even bigger due to supernatural strength.

And that is to say, technically the main problems will probably still be there. Which is how it should be imo, cause after doing that they have to commit to it, at least to some extent. The idea should not be to fully exonerate Lestat, but to basically soften the blow (literally and figuratively) by adding some more nuance to it. The writers said themselves that they want Louis to be belieavable as a victim.

So, I'm guessing that what we're gonna see is Louis defending himself, getting some hits against Lestat, and that Lestat was hurt too, and maybe something new about the fall. Which honestly is gonna give me some peace of mind. I get why people don't like the idea of discrediting Louis' account of the event, and of how the fandom can turn on him if he's not some perfect victim... But there was (is) just something in me that can't fully ship Loustat as much as I did before with that having happened.

Like, for a while I have basically just chosen to ignore it as much as possible. I don't rewatch the episode, I skip it during reactions, I skip the beginning of episode 6 where we see how Louis is after. I have acknowledged it many times but more as like a meta thing that happened. I probably wouldn't say it's triggering, but it just crossed a line to me and I'm gonna welcome (almost) anything they do to make it less bad than it seemed, not because I want for Louis to come off as a liar or anything but just like... For my own relief, to kinda have a bit of weight off my shoulders when watching the show and shipping them? Obviously I don't know anything for sure and I might be wrong about some things I'm guessing, but not having it be so one-sided at least already helps a bit. (Please don't come here to say I'm a weak bitch who can't handle dark gothic romance or some bullshit like that. I've already talked about that back when the scene aired and if you think it's a simple as that you're probably just dumb and insensitive)

[seospicybin]

ON TOUR PREVIEW.

UNPLUGGED.

PART III OF ON TOUR SERIES.

Hyunjin x reader x Felix.

Synopsis: Your best friend, Felix, is in a rock band and he takes you to join him on tour as the band’s photographer. On the road, you learn how to deal with his bandmate, Hyunjin, who’s not very welcoming of you.

Preview under the cut!

...

There's a knock on the door, it must be Lou coming back from putting his best friend to sleep. You open the door without looking and walk back to the desk, "I'll be working all night. You can have the bed," you tell him.

You hear no answer but the sound of the door being closed behind you.

A while later, someone else replies to you, "You don't have to worry, he'll be sleeping in my room tonight."

Who did you let in just now? You know who it is but you refuse to believe that you're right. You take a deep breath before bracing yourself to the grand reveal, that it's him, Hyunjin.

"What are you doing here?" You have the right to be defensive, considering that it's your room, the only private space you have and he came here uninvited.

"I want to talk to you," he calmly replies.

You get up from your chair as he's coming closer and leans against the headrest of the chair.

"About what?"

"About us," he shortly replies.

Your heart starts beating so fast and you don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing it, you clear your throat before speaking again.

"I don't think we have something to talk about," you hope he didn't hear how your voice quivers at the end of the sentence.

"Oh, we do," he says while still walking towards you even though he's close enough that you have to start looking up to look at him due to the height difference.

You're not in the mood for his unfriendly words and glares, "We can talk some other time—"

"I want you to know that I have nothing between me and that girl," he says, sharing information that you don't even ask in the first place.

You hold your hands up to stop him from continuing and furtherly thinking that you want to know the truth.

"No, I don't care. I don't want to know," you tell him as best as you can without having to be rude because that's his thing, not yours.

He takes another step closer, eliminating the gap between your bodies and leaving mere inches for you to breathe. How can you think if you can see his beautiful face this close that you can see the tiny mole under his left eye? How can you force your brain to work it's busy playing the recollection of that night in the back of your head, haunting you with how soft his lips feel against yours.

"I want you to know. I want you..." he emphasizes the word you with an intense stare, "to care. I want you to be jealous," he insists his narrative on you and wanted it to be true.

That sounds just so absurd coming from him and it's making you burst into laughter. The most careful and reserved person you ever come across said that. You feel bad to let him know that you could be anything but jealous. In terms of look, yeah, you're jealous that she's much prettier than you but jealous because she's with him...

"I am not jealous," you tell him with a scoff, but that doesn't sound convincing, that sounded like you're offended instead.

"Why should I be jealous? I-I'm—" You lose track of what you're going to say to him. You wince at how you make yourself look like a fool in front of him.

"Our kiss... did you manage to forget it?" He cuts you off with a question that you don't have the answer to.

Slightly tipping his head, Hyunjin leans a little closer to the side of your head you can feel his breath fanning your cheek.

Needing something to hold on to, you grip the edge of the chair behind your back, tightly.

"Why do you care so much whether I forgot about it or not?" Your voice is shaky and small.

He slyly smiles and it looks good on him as if he knows it would scramble your brain, making it hard for you to stay focused. In other words, he knows he's winning.

"If you forgot about it then..." he puts his hand under your chin and angles your head, forcing you to look at him right in the eyes.

"I just have to remind you again," he softly speaks as it takes everything in him to try not to kiss you from the moment he laid your eyes on you.

Now that he leans in closer than before and you can feel his warm breath brushing your lips. As much as you don't want to be reminded, you close your eyes in anticipation of what's coming at you.

As your lips collide in a rapturous, spellbinding kiss that takes your breath away but at the same time, breathes life into you.

Hyunjin kisses you tenderly, savoring the taste that he craves so much. He kisses you slowly because that's how he should treat a beautiful thing.

And a beautiful thing is always fragile. 

...

Full fic will be posted tomorrow!

[pansear-doodles]

Ten things about the way i was raised:

1. Im not white. Im not american nor european. Im a filipino. No english ties- im fully native and lived in my country all my life. Somehow i can only speak english. No- they dont really teach us about US slavery and other global stuff until late high school and college (with the exceptions of history stuff that actually has something to do with the build and association of our country). No- I am not a politics person and I'm interested in cartoons rather than our grim reality. No- i didnt have much self awareness because all i cared was having a fun time.

2. I think i am stupid. Im not diagnosed in anything officially but i know im neurodivergent, as my list of interests are usually deemed "immature". Parents kept saying i was fine until i realized in senior high "oh ive been groomed for five years during my most crucial ages, depressed, have bare socialization, anxious all the time and possibly have aspergers". So yeah im a mess. My parents were no Chilli and Bandit. In fact, they didnt really interact with me much- always busy with work and lended me to babysitters and cousin mingling. I was a simple-minded kid who did not care about the atrocities that happened outside of this bubble.

3. A lot of things important to my political view and moral compasses had to be built from the internet. Simple stuff like "be kind to others so they will be kind to you"- yep that surface level courtesy stuff is there i learned through school. I knew racism was bad and uncomfortable though when i was elementary and I wasn't one to participate in home wreckage and other middle school naughty stuff. I followed orders as to not get punished and I believed in good (and eating clouds). I wasn't the most intellectual kid at school- all i cared about was the next episode of Fragglerock and maintaining an honors role so i dont piss off my parents.

4. Yet, despite my simple-mindedness that I can compare to Laios Dungeonmeshi, I somehow wounded up in a government science highschool which was... A horrible experience as I didn't share interests with anyone there. Everyone else was so different. I had no friends and I knew the people hated me because they did this cruel joke at a christian recollection- for everyone in a class to make notes to someone- whether positive or negative. Most of the notes I got were negative. I dont recall any good memories in highschool at all and it took a horrible mental toll on me. I wasnt actively bullied but I sure felt very unwanted.

5. The internet was practically my guide to how to life and even then i used it for entertainment. Parents only cared about tutoring me- talking about my grades and making friends with people in my class i dont like just to get by. And most of all, they always talked about my weight. My mother always compared me to other kids. I always ignore her but shes done this for decades. I still live under her roof. Whenever i try to ask her about stuff, she ignores it. She always reverts it to being about school or my weight. She's a wall. My dad on the other hand- hes just careless. He has anger issues and doesnt know how to take care of himself. Always fights with my mom. They never took me to therapy and or assign me to medication until i argued and fought for it a year ago.

6. Did i just casually say i was groomed for five years? Yeah. It was around when fnaf 1 was out. Met this guy when i was like 14 and admitted to him when I was 15. He was nine years older than me. I stooped to him. Vented constantly to him. Depended on him for validation and all that. I even exposed myself to him at 17. Didnt stop me or anything. Nobody else did or questioned it except a cousin who tried and a random person who played transformice. Will i say its fucked up nobody tried stopping me? Yes. Yes it was. But i dont blame them. It was all up to my groomer and I was under his manipulation and teachings and "normalizations" for years. As you can see, this really fucked me up. No. Im not telling his name, but if you can figure it out then congrats- dont harass him. It gave me a warped view on how people treat me and how i see other grooming situations (the many media that tackle implied grooming went over my head completely all the time until someone outright states it)

7. So how was i able to figure it all out and get the fuck out? I saw him faving nsfw art of a character who was a minor. Had an argument with him and it is within the weeks after i took off did i realize "oh. I was groomed." No. It wasnt somebody telling me this. I had to figure this shit out on my own that it was grooming. I was about 18 or 19 when I found out. Are you starting to see how fucked up i am? Having to only rely on myself and the little advice on others to live life? And i still do that, except people will shout at me first expecting i know this stuff beforehand because im an adult, instead of kindly nudging me.

8. So why do i never talk about this? Dont want the tragedies to make my identity. Id rather talk about funny fictitious characters finding their own happiness rather than having it all focus on my boring miserable life. I live off and breathe in fantasies. To become engrossed in something we cannot have and be in real life was my everything. Amidst this, it took me a while to realize my gender identity and myself as a person. It was only last year did i realize im genderfluid, and few years ago i was bisexual. My parents, being catholic conservative christians who use "gay" as one-note descriptions on the minority folks that they meet, would never talk to me about this. Hell, when i first did, they told me its taboo to talk about it. (And very recently i found out theyre accepting of gay people but... Are transphobic?????)

9. My personal motto has always been that real life is boring, miserable, awful and just generally shit. Exploring into fiction has always been my escape- an escape from whatever the fuck went wrong with me and whatever harsh issues i had to deal with growing up. Im always surprised of the memes and stuff i laughed at as a kid were actually discriminatory and racist and whatever holes that fill me with such ignorance. Fractions, they could teach me math all the time, but they never taught me to be self-aware, all when they expected me to. I couldnt read the room. If 16 year olds are smart in political stances, then me as a 16 year old would be the equivalent of a ten year old putting glue on his hands without much care about our economic crisis. Im not saying these childlike qualities of mine were bad- but it came at these costs. I was completely air headed and reality came crashing to me like a truck and angry people expecting that I shouldve known better when I didnt and couldnt have before then.

10. Now im in my 20s. Im expected to know college, taxes and adult stuff. Im expected to be more social. To be more uncomfortable right away. Im in this fandom where every fucking step could be a minefield. Every fandom was. Nobody cares about where you come from right? People always default you as someone who had the same experiences at you until you start to tell them how fucked up your life is and suddenly oh wow things make sense- for how they act, think, respond, believe. The idea of me walking around with the label of "grooming victim" at all times to explain my behaviors is a disgusting and cruel idea.

"You shouldve known this because youre an adult" this. "You shouldve known better" that. The ability to understand people is dead if you will continue to assume every person who walks before you went through the same life experiences as you.

So now do you know a major reason why the rain world fandom and shipping container was so significant to me? It was my second ever fandom with a concious mind after having realized a majority of my teenage years were robbed from me, and realizing how fucked up it all was.

[herearedragons]

cooking headcanons for the pillars of eternity party because I remembered making food is A Feature in the game:

Edér: can reliably make 1-2 Dyrwoodan dishes at a decent level of quality by himself; ends up learning more recipes by helping other people cook.

Aloth: has never had to prepare a meal before and now is not the time to start. Iselmyr is pretty good at cooking, bur good luck getting her to contribute. Generally stays away from cooking, unless someone needs an extra pair of hands and he's pressured into helping.

Durance: we never find out whether he can cook because no one ever asks him to.

Pallegina: has a faint recollection of one (1) soup recipe from her childhood, but that's about it. Probably shouldn't be in charge of the meal, but she's helpful if you give her exact instructions.

Sagani: as a ranger, extremely good at finding edible things and preparing them. A lot of her recipes rely on ingredients you can't find in the Dyrwood, but she has figured out decent substitutes for a lot of them. Always laments that it would have been better with the original ingredients.

Kana: has a surprising amount of recipes memorized, but isn't great at actually making them (he gets distracted and messes up quantities/cooking times). With some help, though, he can recreate a number of Rauataian dishes.

Grieving Mother: her memory might be spotty, but sometimes the memory of a recipe will come to her out of nowhere and the rest of the party will suddenly discover a freshly cooked dish by the campfire. It always tastes good.

Devil of Caroc: can cook, but won't, because she wouldn't be able to eat or even smell her own cooking.

Hiravias: claims that he "prefers a raw diet" due to his stelgaer spirit, but actually knows a lot of Glanfathan recipes that he'll cook for the party if he likes them well enough. Demands that everyone compliment his cooking.

Zahua: no one trusts him with cooking, for multiple reasons (high most of the time; you never know if something hallucinogenic will end up in the food; also might just make the food bad on purpose because of his enlightenment-through-suffering thing).

Maneha: has a killer "whatever we managed to loot" stew recipe that has served her well for years. The loot is always different, so it's like a new dish every time!

bonus (my Watchers):

Selene: same situation as Sagani; also probably knows how to identify and prepare the edible parts of less conventional game, like giant spiders (dungeon meshi moment).

Lorenzo: has worked in the kitchen as a child and remembers the recipes of several Vailian dishes. They don't turn out perfect, but it's definitely good enough; he feels weird about making them sometimes, though

[levmada]

considering that lots of people say that Levi's main love languages is acts of service, how do you think he'd give reassurance to others? can be a friend or romantic partner, doesn't matter.

but do you think he'd just stay quiet and listen to the person talking, offer solution, try to do something nice for them?

i also say his main love language is acts of service :)

the distinction between affection and reassurance is important i feel. levi, who’s naturally empathetic, is the type of person who would commonly give reassurance, but in his own special way. this is reserved for words. on the other hand, levi shows affection very very rarely in canon - again in his own way, but with action and words.

to him, action is a step-up in his care/affection/respect towards a friend or loved one, so he’s more likely to give words than the latter. for example:

to reassure farlan after their argument in which farlan wants levi to follow his plan and let them come on the expedition, levi tells him that he’s going to trust him (or them both that he’ll believe in them, depending on the ova vs the manga).

to reassure eren at the start of the uprising about his inability to harden his titan form, levi basically goes on a rant about how disappointed everyone is and bitching about the situation before explaining how the air outside the walls smells better than inside… aka he wants everyone, especially eren, to keep fighting no matter the odds.

he reassures erwin during their last conversation by telling him that he fought well, and couldn’t have gotten this far without him, but also makes the choice that will kill many people into his own hands instead of leaving it in erwin’s, which is an act of service, as well as letting him pass was.

so to be succinct, levi’s reassurance is rarely affectionate, but when it is, it includes an act of service.

anyway, still, levi isn’t good with words and he knows it. he’s going to stay quiet as long as you want to speak.

what’s interesting about levi is that he always speaks logically, no matter what it’s about. (or almost always if my recollection isn’t 100%.)

for example, after the 57th expedition, as he and eren are waiting for erwin, instead of ‘i don’t want you to think that i hate or resent you; you can still be comfortable here. i know you idolize me, but im not infallible. plus whether it was your fault or not, we have to keep moving forward’ - levi complains and makes a bad attempt at a joke. eren points out that he’s rly being talkative, but levi claims that’s he’s *always* talkative. eren opens up a little about his regret, pointing out that even levi was injured, to which he reminds him that no one knows how things will turn out.

so he’s very straightforward but at the same time roundabout. it’s one of my favorite things about levi. it’s the frame of pretty much all of his interactions, including towards those he worries and cares about.

so if you want comfort it’s awkward, and he states a lot of seeming facts, but he feels it deeply, how much he wants you to be comforted.

so naturally, i don’t think levi is even capable of giving reassurance without a solution😭

“Levi im sad my brother died. i feel so alone :(”

“i’m not a stranger to loss either, so don’t worry. but don’t miss his funeral, because it’ll be your last chance to say anything to him. are you going alone?”

and yes, any degree of sadness you feel or comfort you want from him is guaranteed to come with small acts/favors, especially since he’s aware he doesn’t exactly thrive in that area.

all in all, for him words are difficult and touch is difficult, so he prefers using acts of service and quality time to give reassurance to you / someone he cares about. i don’t think gift-giving applies to reassurance, but if so, that falls in the middle for Levi ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[emeraldkays]

Can you do headcannons of Loki and reader as friends 🥺🥺 (Like they’re really good friends)

𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

you first met when he caught you slashing the tyres of your neighbour's car one evening, calling you an 'amateur' when he helped pull out the knife for you.

"i guess that makes two of us," you looked pointedly at the monitor around his ankle.

since that day, you two had become really close.

you'd go to each other for advice, tease each other about any crushes. he even scared your neighbour, so much to the point they started bringing you cookies every other weekend.

and in return, of course, you'd help him scheme awful pranks on people.

the only thing you asked of him was not to tell you who the prank was for, otherwise, you'd feel bad.

but you did have fun helping him and finding out who the prank was for after it happened.

you helped him write on the back of tony's shirt in someone's handwriting once (he never told you whose), and when thor claimed he had no recollection of doing it, stating he probably started sleepwalking again, you responded by burying your face in lokis shoulder and laughing silently.

as a keyholder for your store, he would meet you most mornings to help you open up and return near closing time to help pack away.

oh, and he didn't only scare off your neighbour. he scared the local shopkeeper who always overcharged you. now you get most things for free.

if there was an event coming up, you would help him look for a suitable outfit. and he would invite you.

after a mission, you'd help him clean his armour as he never trusted any mortal contraptions with his 'fine asgardian leather'.

he even spent most evenings with you if he was dismissed by someone on the team, buying your favourite snacks on the way to your place while you threw cushions all over the floor and built a fort, forgetting to choose a movie.

or sometimes you'd just talk about whatever was on your minds. mostly the past and feelings. those nights would usually end up with one of you tearing up.

you knew it was hard for him to open up about certain things. so when he did, you would have a small celebration, whether it was going out to the movies, eating out or ordering takeout, having a few drinks.

anything to show him that his feelings mattered.

that he mattered and he was the best thing that's ever happened to you.

a/n: i do feel like they would be really good friends, but eventually down the line, the reader would end up falling for loki, just to find out that he has liked them this whole time 🥰 sorry for responding late x

[jays-nook]

Watched the First 4 Episodes of the PJO Series, Here are My Thoughts:

Cast:

I absolutely love the cast!! They are just so perfect for their roles!! I've seen my fair share of clips and behind the scenes footage to know the chemistry between the actors and how perfectly the main trio embodies their characters, but actually seeing their acting and how well they fit together just makes sense in my brain!! They're all so small as well and adorable that it really puts it into perspective how young they truly are to be going through all of this and the things the characters go through as the books progress. It hurts but it's also endears you more to the actors and the characters.

Walker is just absolutely perfect as Percy. He's such a little shit and the way he delivers his lines, whether they're angry/emotional/sad or just comedic, is simply amazing!

"I am impertinent" THAT PART HAD ME WHEEZING FR

Although I don't have an issue with Lin Manuel Miranda as a person (I absolutely love his works and stuff) it does not make sense to cast him as Hermes, and that's just going off the elevator scene when he delivers the package! Like I honestly can't imagine this man as Luke's father :// It could've been better.

But the others are just great! Their energy is amazing and omg Mr. D was a blast! It's a much different portrayal than I was expecting since Mr. D is so chill and like aloof in the books, but seeing him yell and stuff at Percy to take on the quest just made me look at him in a new light!!

Filming/Aesthetics:

Every scene is shot so beautifully! And the choices they made with the places they add the music too!! Like the entire fight with the Minotaur being void of music was such a good choice. It just makes the entire scene so much more emotionally charged and tense while keeping the audience on the edge of their seat!! It was filmed so well and god it transported me to how it felt like when I read the books for the first time and went through that scene~

And omg the scene with Sally just sitting in the rain on the windowsill :(( That one was so soft and sad istg- any scene with Sally was just perfect, love her and the actress who did such a good job with her!!

Changes from the Books:

It's been around 5 or so?? years since I last read the books, so my recollection of what actually happened and what didn't was a bit fuzzy while watching the series but I was able to see how things changed. And so far, I don't mind the changes that much, like yes some had me staring at the screen like "hm" because they wetn a different way than I was expecting, but overall not too bad!

I did enjoy the scenes with Medusa, I liked having Percy wanting to hear her out and trusting to follow her inside because of what Sally had told him when he was a kid. I liked the conversations between Percy and her in the kitchen and even when she was explaining her side of the story to the trio. It was such a good way to present the scene, to show her resentment of both Athena and Posiedon, and also to show how she interacts with Percy to lure him in and play on his trusting and albeit naive nature at that point in the quest.

I did see people talking about episode 8 and the big reveal tho and I'm both excited to see it but also wary of the change they added cause I've seen a lot of mixed reactions. Some prefer the book version, some the version in the series.

General Thoughts:

I'm honestly enjoying the series, it's exciting seeing it all come to life and the dynamics and just sitting there in anticipation of what's to come.

I'm currently watching it with my big sis and let me tell y'all it's so much fun!! She hasn't read the books so all she knows is purely from when we watched the movies together a long time ago so she doesnt remember much (but unfortunately the big reveal at the end isn't going to be a surprise for her). I'm having the time of my life being a little shit and laughing at her confusion or whenever she'd start yelling "WHAT" at the screen like when Sally dissapeared HAHAHA she keeps turning to me and trying to come to conclusions and theories for things while I just smile or shake my head at outrageous ones. I am excited to see her reactions to certain scenes in the other books, especially when it comes to a certain someones end in the last book (she does not like him rn so I'm like 👀 rn to see if that might change along the way).

Uncle Rick did such a good job with the series so far and I'm excited to watch the rest of it, especially now that news of it being renewed for season 2 came out HEHEHE

And thats it for today! I'll be watching the rest of the series at some point this week and will be sharing the rest of my thoughts then. Thank u for reaching the end haha. Till then, have a good day folks and stay tuned! <3

*Last 4 episodes here*