#sorry this is heavy

[sigynpenniman]

My greatest terror, I think, and I have many terrors, is that I will be perceived as arrogant. That people will think that I think that I’m better at something that I am. When I present something that I’ve done or made without a line of preemptive depreciation attached, I hear the thoughts of all who see it: does she think that’s GOOD? And it’s so terrifying I almost can’t let it stand. I can never allow anyone to believe I think anything I make is any good, because what if it’s not, and I’m living in a pride I haven’t earned. What if I do or feel anything I haven’t earned. What if I take up space, make art, have an experience, use an accommodation, use someone’s time, feel a joy I do not deserve. What if I get above my station. Trying to learn art, a mission I have not abandoned, was so difficult in part because my sublime badness made me feel as though I had no right to even participate. What if, imagine, unbearable, what if someone sees me trying to make art and somehow gets the idea that I thought I was good enough at art to have a right to experience the joy of making it? I take myself to the eye doctor to make an appointment to get measured for contacts for a costume and am so very sure I will be laughed out of the building because I’m asking for help and time I don’t really need, for something silly and unimportant, which my own projects must be, by definition, because they’re mine, and everything I touch immediately becomes silly and unimportant by association, and how dare I take up the time of a real actual eye doctor who has real actual patients to see with real actual needs and problems that aren’t a Halloween costume, nevermind that this is still within the purview of their literal job, nevermind that I’m paying them actual money, nevermind the literal content of my own rant a couple nights ago about the toxicity of the way we reserve relief only for the desperate. And of course, they don’t laugh me out of the building. But it’s all the same thought, over and over, in different shells and different flavors, no matter the topic, no matter the terror. Because when the voice of anxiety tells me lies, as it often does, despite the fact that I know they are lies, when the voice of anxiety in my head parrots the horrible things it’s so sure everyone around me is saying, it’s always the same sentence, every time: who does she think she is?

[dreamsofalifeold]

“The thing is, I don’t actually hate my friends. When I said that, I was exhausted and angry, and...well, I guess I still am. What I was feeling was anger, and resentment, and I know that doesn’t make it right, but, I do want to clarify.”

“I feel a lot like...like I have to work twice as hard to be half as worthy as anyone else, just so I wouldn’t be left by people I cared about. I put my whole metaphorical dick into working on being good, selfless, kind, and I stopped really being anything else. I’d see friends who were “allowed” to be flawed, and take up space, and feel negative emotions, and I felt so angry, and jealous, and I resented that they could do that when I felt like I couldn’t. I let that build, and I hurt people, and I’m sorry.”

[visceraking]

My mental health has been doing alarmingly bad the past year in general and it's only gotten worse as this year specifically keeps going

I feel like I'm cursed and everything just keeps getting worse so why even bother keeping on going when there's literally only further bad things waiting for me as everything becomes more and more of a struggle and god I just want to feel okay I just want to feel safe I haven't felt safe in years if EVER

I don't know what's wrong with me but so much shit keeps happening and my brain says "it's you it's all you and all your fault and you make everyone's life worse and that's why you have to die so you can at least do ONE good thing for everyone"

I already have at least two people who would be beyond happy to hear that I died what's to stop that from being everyone eventually

Fuck

I don't know

[bodhimcbodeface]

rape cw (not me)

last summer my friend who was staying with me got raped and last night i had a dream where i went with her to meet this guy (at a bar, at night, she met him online and he was a potential job lead and she was desperate for a job) like I fucking should have instead of saying goodbye and watching tv and all day the guilt has been fucking eating me alive because in my dream i kept her safe but in real life i didn't and i can never undo that

[wigglybunfish]

Welcome to Preservation! we have nice people and even nicer murderbots.

[parisoonic]

last ones i swear

[anatomical-puppet]

my source is that i am autistic about horror

[sanjarka]

haymitch's games are great and all but the fact that we may see katniss's dad IN SOME WAY SHAPE OR FORM

[canisalbus]

Imagine if Machete and Vasco were dragons, but there was more lore behind it:

Machete being taken from their nest after their mother was killed, and “raised” by the church. He was beaten, humiliated and starved, described to the common folk as “a hideous creature” or a “spawn of the devil”.

One day, Vasco, a gold colored dragon finds Machete, and with his help, he breaks Machete out, and frees him.

They now live in a forested cave, far away from the reach of the cruel hand of man.

[peachdalooza]

a small n silly trivia i want to share of the new tf2 seal!

[nevvn]

saw a wizard meme and thought hm. what if it was solomon.

[zero-is-nebulous]

Tee bee atech I might jig this design a bit but this is what I have so far, he's a Japanese dragon because uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh he's a big tall strong handsome man and allat

[thechekhov]

Did you seriously reblog a post defending the sanctity of life of pedophiles?

You did not read that post.

I understand that it might be difficult, because of the knee-jerk reaction we all have when it comes to this topic. I admit I also had the emotional first-response of disgust. But I urge you to go back and try to read it again, when you are cool-headed.

Stating that 'murdering people we find disgusting is not the moral high ground it feels like', is not the same thing as 'defending the sanctity of life' of anyone.

And while it feels good to emotionally say 'we should kill all (people who do bad things that cause harm to others)' this does not actually accomplish what our brains think it does.

From the post:

denying the humanity of people who do horrible things accomplishes exactly three things:

give cover to people who haven't been caught yet by allowing them to use their humanity as "proof" of their innocence

silence any criticism of societal structures and institutions that facilitate those horrible things by putting the focus on individuals who are assumed to be so uniquely monstrous that the ways it was made easy for them are irrelevant

provide a shortcut to dehumanize anyone you feel like killing: simply accuse them of doing a horrible thing

Listen, to me, listen:

I know that we are all human and when we see someone committing evil things, we feel justified and good, and we want to use our teeth and claws to rip them to shreds. I KNOW it feels incredible to reply to pain and harm with equal violence.

But on an ideological level, if you EVER hope to understand how emotional manipulation and dehumanization on a social level works, you NEED to be prepared to unwrap this delicious i-can-murder-that-person-and-feel-rightous burrito.

You need to understand why it is not the swiss knife of justice that it feels like.

You need to know that it can and will be used to kill innocent people who don't deserve it, and you will not even notice.

Because if you can justify murder with a simple 'if you fit into this category you automatically don't deserve to live' then you are supporting an authoritarian regime, who can and WILL happily take the easier job of convincing you that some person that they need dead fits the description (of a person you've already agreed doesn't deserve anything but a swift and unquestionable death).

This is why, when they needed the gays to be feared and hunted, they labeled them 'pedophiles'. This is why they're now doing this to trans people. This is why dehumanization is a tool of oppression, not justice.

There is way to fix injustice in the world and protect children without becoming easier to manipulate and trick.

[blairamok]

“how long did you have to burn before becoming fireproof?”

been reading the strange moon series by @racketghost lately and was inspired to draw up some crowley angst because that line absolutely haunts me. featuring season 2 angel baby crowley after their million light year freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulfur. :(

[kate-komics]

Skill Issue: a Wolverine fan comic

TW: blood

Length: 6 pages

Main inspirations: final monologue of Wolverine #50 by Benjamin Percy. And my dad (a real life Logan)

I wanted to try my hand at a Logan monologue. Hope you all liked it 💙💛

Seeing that hunky old man in that yellow suit reminded me how important this character is to me. Been re-reading old comics and re-watching beloved movies. Wolverine has always been one of my most major comic influences. I've loved him since I was 8. Whenever people ask what my dream character to draw for he’s always one of ‘em. I could drone on but we’d be here all day.

Thanks for reading!

[tojisun]

dbf!simon but he's actually nice (basically not dear john! simon) teehee <33

he is so sweet and indulgent. he spoils his pretty darling because all he wants is to see you smile. he pays for your tuition, your dorm rent, your groceries. he gives you allowance, and tops it off when you off-handedly mention that there's a new necklace you really want to buy.

he drives you around in his car; picking you up from uni turns into an impromptu trip. he lets you pull him into different shops, and even asks if it'd be okay for you to show him what you want to buy. so you do: you model every clothes you pick, every accessory, and simon's there to compliment you. to praise you. to help you with the zippers or strings or buttons.

he buys you designers, but also those silent rich brands.

but the thing that he does that you love the most is that he lets you talk. vent. ramble.

you pull him into his living room and open your heart out, and simon's there to listen throughout. there are days when you need his help and he offers it with no hesitation, and there are other days when all you need is someone to listen to you and simon is even better at that.

at the end of it, he pulls you to his lap and presses a kiss on your temple.

"what can i do?" he asks.

"just.. please, hold me. just that," you reply, shy after your break down.

and simon does so, careful as he wraps his arms around you before tucking you underneath his chin. he rubs his palm on your back and rocks you two as new tears spill from your eyes.

you two sleep there, on his couch, sometimes. tomorrow, the two of you will wake up with a kink on your necks or backs, but you always feel a whole lot lighter and simon thinks how the backpain is all so worth it.

he cooks you breakfast.

(he's not really good at it so you take over. simon sits on the island in the kitchen, watching you as you flutter around, humming softly to yourself, and wonders if it's too early to give you the gift stowed in his dresser.)

(it's a diamond ring.)