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puppyeared · 10 months

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people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime

#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head #around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working #as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of #how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol #i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were #pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family #i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by #ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me #or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made #you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm #im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help #wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career #i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades #but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard #yapping

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gammija · 1 year

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just found out im apparently deathly allergic to fics that follow canon very closely, using literal episode scripts often, but insert or change a few minor sentences to slightly change the scene's meaning or characterization for the fic

#cant even say it's about misinterpretation because. youre taking the scripts verbatim. clearly you are aware youre adding/changing things #maybe its about mischaracterization i guess?#in novel situations you cant know what a character would say or do exactly #but in canon you know for sure that they'd do and say the things they did and said #I mean thats what the entire character exists out off. their fabric #but then again i dont usually mind a slightly different characterization from canon #or maybe its just this case where it was used to make quote-unquote the others more callous towards jon in s4 #and i had to go back and check for myself that. no basira really didn't say that. im not remembering things better than they were #she just didnt #but i think itd still get to me if it was something tim said in s2 or so #joos yaps

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spaceyflowersart · 2 years

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CHAINSAW MAN AU FOR LOOKISM; JOHAN AS AKI !!! PLEASE CHECK OUT THE OG IDEA/POST BY HYUSOLK HERE <3 !!!!

#lookism #johan seong #SORRY IM SCREAMING BC IM SUPER PROUD OF HOW THIS CAME OUT!!!!!!!!#SHOUTOUT TO HYUSOLK FR FOR THE OG IDEA #ALSO THANKFUL FOR MYSELF FOR FEELIN LIKE LISTENING TO CSM OPENING AND BRAINROTTING CSM AU FOR LOOKISM #CAUSE ALL THAT LEAD TO THIS AND AAWHHHHHHH AWGGHHHG [EXPLODES]#ok im normal now. sorry. anyways i meant to redraw other panels as lookism charas mimicking csm style but got carried away-#with johan's and now im both exhausted and glad i put in so much effort #also sorry x3 im. still working on requests i just... had to get out the csm au brainrot..#hm.... wonder if i should make a tag for that in case i drop more art of this #yeah sure why not #lookism csm au #also dont mind the manga tones(?) i have on my johan i had to make do cause sketchbook doesnt have anything like that lol #oh god i just realized i wrote lol twice forgive me for being the guy that cant type a sentence without adding lol or lmao due to the fear-#of sounding unfriendly/too serious ;;;;;;;

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nomairuins · 28 days

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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And #make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not #saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was #going to say #like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so #bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the #winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000 #other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but #i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its #been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody #responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple #muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it #but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like #im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good #solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start #all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the #punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4 #im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but #even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think #avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is #like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they #hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be #the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO #difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15 #minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case #it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel #stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and #tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i #tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction #like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint

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gaytoddhoward · 1 month

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they should invent a period that doesnt make me the most miserable person on earth

#personal #vent #i will never ever ever be able to pass. by the time im able to get top surgery ill probably be like 30 and the earth will have already died #i will only ever be seen as a confused girl or maybe if im lucky as a feminine man . best case scenario someone looks at me and goes #'oh theyre definitely nonbinary' but i will NEVER just . be some guy. ill never just be a person . itll always either be a label or Girl.#im not going to be able to medically transition or fuckin . go out to meet my friends or anything until i move out and i wont #be able to move out for 3 years minimum . meanwhile everyone else will be getting time to spend together and being able to live on their own #and being able to advance in careers they actually like or at least arent completely fucking miserable in and ill probably be stuck at #FUCKING WALMART the entire time because nowhere else will give me the flexible hours i need for school #my most supportive family is always going to live an hour away from me and ill never truly be able to express myself or my frustrations at #home and even if i could i cant even put half of them into words online even when im really trying the correct words are never there #i get to just sit back and watch as my friends actively fuck up their lives but at least they get to make their own decisions #and then i feel awful on top of that because i shouldnt feel envy over my friends lives . we all have it fucked Especially those in my area #im just. so tired

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pikslasrce · 10 months

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pussy so androgynous it causes a major fandom schism approximately 194 times a month

#yes this is abt gerard way i cant get the discourse out of my head i need to let the evil spirits out and the only way is by making a post #like i firmly believe its okay to like. well. femcr it up from time to time... or like..#use she/her affectionately bc well theyre my pretty little princess their gender has nothing to do w that #and that like. theyre not cis. that much is obvious. but like. it crosses certain boundaries to assert so aggressively that just bc #theyre not cis that the end goal is that theyre a Woman. like... yeah you can say theyre trans in the sense of it being the opposite of cis #which is the case. thats correct. but saying theyre a WomanTM just bc theyre not a ManTM is well.. troublesome. its erasure #and erasure of something so lovely as whatever it is they have going on like isnt it enough that theyre living their truth?#the need to categorize everything in a neat little box is something you need to unpack and realize that its harmful. its a forced dichotomy #and like as i said already its all fine to like go all 'omg gerard pick up the phone' or like 'oughh my beautiful wife' or 'miss gerard 🐀'#however it gets dangerous if you spend too much time in that bubble and forget the reality of things.#for that purpose i made that 'her pronouns are he/they'. to ground myself innit #ANYWAYS. if you read the tags im sorry but yeah...... letting the evil spirits out #piksla.txt

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just-eyris-things · 1 year

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Vent post. Because i feel like kicking a hornets' nest.

Honestly im just tired of how people will call someone ignorant/uneducated and will go for the throat for every little thing, while they themselves say shit like pierogis all the time. If you're going to point fingers at others, you yourself should be without fault.

The question is... can you?

#im just so tired of all the shit that i constantly see on the internet #ARTIST CANCELLED BECAUSE THEY DIDNT DRAW SOMETHING PERFECTLY #or ARTIST CANCELLED BECAUSE THEY USED A DIFFERENT COLOUR PALETTE #ARTIST CANCELLED BECAUSE THEIR IDEA OF A FICTIONAL CHARACTER ISN'T UP TO FANDOM'S STANDARDS #i bet other people also get shit like that all the time #for example my friend is a writer and he just happens to be a cisguy and whenever i mentioned it to people #they would instantly start saying that they are sure he writes shit like she breasted boobily down the stairs #or i remember how i got told off for making trahearne lives au because apparently #messing with canon is just as bad as falsifying information in history books #just stop for the love of whatever's devine #this has been boiling in me for so long i cant even express it #sorry for going off in the tags in case you decided to read them #peace out imma go and read a book and touch grass #finally its green and soft again after so many rains and storms so it will be a nice chilling time outside #oh btw proper plural is pierogi without the s. singular is pieróg. you want to add s - say pierógs #ngl that pierogi-pierogis is one of my biggest pet peeves #like i wont be stabbing you over it or throw a tantrum and i will just move on with my day i have better things to do in general than #than throwing fits and also im not omniscient myself #like i dont know all the words in english and my german knowledge is very scarce #so i in no way demand others know about pierogis #just give people some room to breathe for gods sake #ok ok ok i think im overwriting this and i cant edit tags on phone so now fr im gonna go and enjoy outside and watch the squirrels

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readymades2002 · 2 months

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trying to do some financial math for if i move out and getting sick to my stomach

#ohhhhhhhhh god. oh christ alive.#my problem is that my discipline used to be great when i was both severely depressed/agoraphobic AND unemployed #and stopped wanting for things altogether. not the case anymore #wanting for things usually being...eating during or after work or getting a ride to go somewhere nice for a bit. whatever #i think its...DOABLE theoretically but im like. um. nervous #asked my manager for full time hours which im already kicking myself over but well if i want to get out of here #and i do so so so fucking badly #then. things have to change #struggling hard. i hate change and i hate making decisions especially ones i have yet to tell my mom about #NUMBER of things keeping me from acting quite yet but thats probably the worst is the thought of telling her #i dont know...how financially me moving out is going to work for her and my brother (who also wants to move eventually)#and i dont...i dont want to leave them here to drown #but i cant DO IT ANYMORE MAN if i dont try to get out i never will and the despair of being stuck here has done IMMENSE damage #to me over the last few weeks particularly after being able to envision a future where things are different #thinking about getting out of here gives me the energy to do things. i want to get out. i NEED to get OUT #god i really should just start making the body of the post the title and then writing the tags where the post should go #this is not how blogging works generally. embarrassing. well it probably wont change because i dont care enough

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toytulini · 7 months

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would be cool this yr to do like first aid training maybe?

#toy txt post #hope i can. get an opportunity to do that. not sure when. the horrors and inability to commit to things u see #but i think i should do that #at some point. altho i feel like i will almost certainly have to do CPR training? and like. like it seems like useful knowledge. and like.#i should know it and maybe im the worst person in existence for this but im a bit of a germaphobe and scared of covid and im not taking my #mask off so like. feels like. that is pretty mutually exclusive with CPR unless thereve been advancements im not aware of?#like would i be able to carry around some sort of billows but for human lungs to do that instead of my mouth? idk. this has in fact been #a legitimate hurdle to me wanting to pursue first aid training. sorry. genuinely dont know how to reconcile that and maybe! in a crisis #situation id overcome it to save a person. genuinely do not know. sorry im like a selfish horrible bitch tho and i cant see myself #doing CPR and am icked by the idea of even learning it. i know now they make those things to put on someones mouth but its still like.#that doesnt do anything against respiratory shit...idk. like is it worse to not pursue any of this at all to avoid the ethical quandry of #not wanting to deal with CPR even as a concept bc im a stupid baby squicked out by lip touching? or is it worse to do first aid and learn #like everything except CPR so i could still theoretically help in some cases that arent necessarily CPR. idk. im sure im just a Bad Person #for this and hate to even admit it. i think i should at least try to find a stop the bleed course or smth ig

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ichigosoju · 3 months

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🐮

#ok ok im gonna try to go to the gym today #i havent been able to make myself leave the house at all this week #and im feeling so bad about myself :((#im up earlier today and im gonna have breakfast calmly and then walk 45min to the gym #work out (which is the part i love lol) and then go to the store #bc that store has a special price for salmon today which makes me wanna go today skksksks #i havent had salmon in 10 months at least and even before that i havent had it in like a year #it is super fkn expensive lately so i cant at all afford it #but now it costs way less so i can actually afford it....#i just hope the store actually has it and that it isnt just 'sold out' :((((#if that's the case then thats how it is but oh it'd make me so sad #i havent had salmon for years 😭#it's one of my fav things to have for dinner :((((#ok anyway im gonna try to go to the gym today #it is a bit annoying that it will probably rain #im so sick of it raining constantly #i love the rain but when i cant afford taking the buss and have to walk everywhere it becomes a nuisance #having to walk for 45min and get fkn drenched and then have to go to an appt or exercise or smth it's so gross #but yeah... i just have to go anyway :<#can it stop raining now #also it is in the middle of june and we just stopped having warm weather???#global warming is scary bro #anyway i hope it gets warmer soon

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sensitivedead · 4 months

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#shutup sensitive #i know its the case #but i wonder in moments like this #do other people feel like me #i feel like a shell of a person like the body of a person but not the being #and the being i am is like vehemently unlikeable or says things that other beings can’t understand but its like i look like them i act like #them so why dont they understand me #i feel like i understand me very well and i understand others even better than i do myself but why doesnt anyone understand me #ive been in mania for a few days and i recognize it but it really is the worst i cant even reveal in it i dont like this #my desires are so strong right now but are they actually mine or just this other addition of my selves #and if i think long on my desires rn theyre not even real but theyre so strong lol theyre so stupid though why do i need to do something #irrational why cant i just be satisfied per usual #how do i fix it how do i fix it #(time fixes it this ive learned but time is also not a friend of mine)#(i feel like time likes to toy with me and makes broken promises to me that take forever to arrive and im expecting them to not be broken so #i wait and i wait but the time just drags out and then when change arrives its like haha NOT what you wanted! i hate time)#i want to hold the hands of all the hysterical folk in my bloodline i want all the loonies to haunt me and keep me company bc i know what #they felt and i feel for them not having the knowledge and explanations for their feelings like i have and i mourn for them #thanks for passing down the brain worms to me my beloved ancestors im glad i function like you and like nobody else #anyways im pretty sure i need a phat hug #big phat arms wrapped around me and someone to pet my head #so when i get home this is what i will receive but its hours from now #and me and that old time demon :)

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heyitslapis · 22 days

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Ok

#kinda vent post cause ive been anxious ever since we got coffee this evening #I promise I'm not trying to be weird or anything. I'm just #I just really don't want to screw this up. I know we spent almost the last year avoiding each other #And I know things between us were rocky for a bit before that #and I hope I'm not overwhelming you. I know things won't be better overnight #I know we've distanced so much and theres so much awkward history there. I know things are different now #And I respect that. I respect your relationship and your new life. I'm not trying to impose or make you uncomfortable #I'm just anxious and tbh scared an nervous too. I don't want to fuck this up. If theres a chance for us to be close friends again I want it #Im so so so scared of fucking it up. I feel like I forgot how to be friends & after the way I left things Im scared that I lost my chance #I'm scared that it's not gonna work and that a permanent goodbye is in our future. I'm scared that you won't want me around after all #I would understand if that became the case.. but I really don't want that #I cant text you this without seeming like an overbearing clingy anxious mess of an ex but ive been on the verge of a panic attack all night #just for the fear that I'm fucking up already somehow. Just the fear that this isn't going to work and I shouldn't even try #I think I spent so long avoiding you that now I don't know what to do with myself. But I'm trying to be normal #I promise I dont have any motives other than missing a really great friendship and being tired of missing friends #And maybe I still have a ways to go in the emotional healing department but I think I'm ok enough to try. I've been ok for a while now #If you see this please know that I mean every word. If you never see it thats ok because I just need to get it off my chest before I burst #I don't want to scare you off or lose you again. if thats what it comes to then know I'll always miss and appreciate you for all my days #Thats all. Ive been a ball of nerves all evening & I just needed to air this out cause having this weight sitting on my chest is too much #emma rambles #personal #vent post

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comet-wire · 5 months

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Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿

Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿

#comet rambles #putting in queue to deploy later #parent loss tw #just in case by association n implications ☝️🗿/nm+gen #when i get stuff set up with my checking account i was already thinking of getting a new chest binder once our personal issues with finance #has been figured out definitely #i dont wanna say much n jinx stuff so ill leave it at that #personal #gender shit is hard n i really think i may be a he/they or he/him still #or if not then closeted butch lesbian idk #most signs point to male gender identity leaning though 😔👍#also my social battery is outta wack but i needed to get this out so i apologize to anyone who i have yet to respond to/gen+nm 🥹#like i genuinely still feel as though ive been born in the wrong body and i tried to accept my feminity and it went well!!#like i started embracing my femininity the past few years and now i think im over it because it feels like i just attempted to try #and be something i wasn't if that makes any sense #i hate being referred to as she/her or as a girl even if i understand some people will still see me as fem despite my personal identity etc #its not that i hate my femininity its just i feel anything but female while still enjoying traditionally fem stuff at times #hope this makes sense #🗿👍#still ace/aro though just cant figure out if i only enjoy the thought of romance (cupiosexual/romantic) or if i feel comfy in one #i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain #as of lately chris Redfield and Albert Wesker have become two of my transition goals and idk what to do about this lmfao #i wish i was kidding #but im not 😭#sitting here like EVA shinji with his head in his hands in the damn chair image/lh #also wanna be a rootin tootin goth cowboy 🥰#if it turns out im like a comphet butch/nb lesbian im gonna shit myself though/lh+nm

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moriphyte · 11 months

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just debated a zionist at work i need a fuckin smoke

#told him to look up the definition of genocide and then come back and tell me i’m wrong #like i get that you’re brainwashed by our government to think being against israel equals antisemitism #but that is not the case #you think you’re doing the right thing #but in reality you’re excusing a fucking genocide #and anyone who knows anything about judaism knows that israel and the shit they’re doing is a disgusting affront to the jewish faith #like i wouldn’t normally share my opinion on this unprompted but this teacher too it upon himself to argue w one of my students #and i couldn’t stop myself from saying something #i tried but the shit he was saying was making me furious #so i took the kids side and gave my own two cents and he dismissed me just the same #fuck him tho #we won the debate #but really the wik goes to my one student for being endlessly informed and patient enough to explain it #i told him j admire that like i woulda jjst walked out #i know i’m not supposed to voice any controversial opinions here at this fucking job in this fucking place i know very well is corrupt #but liek #i cant just fucjing sit there and listen to you excuse fucking ethnic cleansing without speaking up #i don’t care #morally i cannot stand by and listen to that shit without saying something #p

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healingheartdogs · 1 year

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Love having talks with my parents (/s) where they tell me I "need to stop living in fear and get back out in the world" and that they haven't stopped living because of COVID and they don't even mask and it's fine because they got it once and it was just like allergies to them and "it's not even that bad it's just like the flu or a cold", ignoring that I also have had COVID before and was in the most extreme all over pain I have been in EVER in my entire chronically ill chronic pain suffering life for over a week to the point that I was mentally begging the universe to just let me die toward the end of it so it would finally be over and am now left with significantly worse chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and heart issues than I had already before because of long COVID. Also my sense of taste and smell have still not fully recovered, which is a sign of lasting neurological damage.

But it's just fearmongering, clearly, and I'm just falling for government propaganda (even though the government has said COVID is over and that we don't need to take precautions anymore because they value profit over human lives). Sure. Makes sense.

#they also told me i dont need to get boosters because they dont do anything anyway #and that getting covid makes your immune system strong enough to not get it again #which IS LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT ALL THE SCIENCE SAYS #covid is literally leaving people's immune systems looking like HIV and AIDS patients #and getting infected DOES NOT provide lasting immunity AT ALL #and even mild and asymptomatic cases can cause serious lasting immune system damage #BUT I'M JUST LIVING IN FEAR #me going out and seeing people will surely be worth it if i get covid again and fucking die #or become even more permanently disabled than i already am #and im already so disabled i cant work anymore or take care of myself without help #but sure #suuuuuure #MY MOM USED TO WORK FOR A MEDICAL COMPANY HOW DID WE GET HEEEERRRREE #the anti-vax anti-medicine propaganda is just being eaten the fuck up by the older generations huh #rant #vent #ndr #not dog related

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comvi · 9 months

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I always have to remind myself that I don’t need to push myself to make art, and I don’t need to apologize or feel bad for not making a lot of art. art is something that should make me feel happy, so if I’m pushing myself to the point of not enjoying it anymore, then I should just stop and calm down for a second. and take some time for myself. Art won’t disappear, it will always be there waiting for me again, its okay for me to take some time doing others things sometimes.

#sorry this is a bit negative. most of the art i’ve been making latelyis personal/ocs so i dont post it here and thats been stressing me out #since im scared a lot of people are expecting things from my art that i cant give #my art changes a lot because i get inspired by so many things each day. and a lot of my designs are personal and mean a lot to me #so seeing other people like them is both a happy thing for me. but also so scary.#most people i see post art in fandoms im in will post so much of it so often #so i think i subconsciously think that i have to do that too. Make a bunch of art super fast and i HAVE to post ALL of it #but from the things that disabled me to just. that not being how i do things. i cant keep up with that #art takes a long time for me to feel happy with. And i dont always have the motivation or energy to finish all my drawings #Or even do things past a messy sketch #so i keep most things to myself for one reason or another #i dont know it just feels like everyone needs to have things “now now now. fast fast fast” nowadays.#or else the stuff you make isnt worth it. or isnt as good as everything else. In the case you make art late into joining the fandom #I think someone called it fast consumerism? or something? But yeah its just #bad. i dont like it at all #sorry for the long tags. i might stop posting as much art for a bit so i can take some time for myself.#go outside more. learn a new hobby. maybe even join a club or something #if you read through this hi. feel free to ask for my toyhouse if you want to see my ocs or whatnot.#I was very lax on checking my grammar here. not sorry this time. im getting seen for dysgraphia and im tired and need a break #myposts #rambling

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