#so i pause and translate a lot of stuff for myself

[oodlenoodleroodle]

Watching Super Sketch Show 2 for Yu Hewei, end up falling in love with this bald asshole XD

[marvelavengerspovs1]

Chapter 1- Malign

Pairing: Bucky x F!reader

Warnings: Lots and lots of angst (sorry but not sorry), very toxic behaviours from both Bucky and Reader, 18+ MDNI

Length: 1.2k

Summary: You and Bucky are going through a rough patch. Is it something worth fixing?

A/N: Ok, so this has been an idea that I’ve been playing with for a few days so I decided to try it out. This is completely different from what I normally do. I plan to make this a mini-series, about 3-5 parts. I’d like to think this is Bucky after trying to acclimate back into a more “normal” life because let’s be honest, he’s a man with PTSD and lost a good chunk of his life. I was listening to The Black Dog and The Prophecy while writing this so it’s more angsty than I imagined.

I do not give consent for my work to be translated, copied, or sold!

You wake up cold, noticing an absence beside you. Part of you wants to stay in bed, not wanting to look for him. But the other part, the part that chooses to ignore the past few months, wants to. After about thirty seconds of debating, the latter wins.

You get out of bed and leave your bedroom. You find Bucky in the living room nursing a bottle of whiskey and Asgardian liquor, blankly staring at the wall. You let out a frustrated sigh and he looks up at you.

“Hey,” You say softly, trying to hide your true emotions.

He rolls his eyes and puts the bottle down on the coffee table. “What do you want?

You frown. “Never mind.”

Bucky rolls his eyes again. “Why are you giving me this ‘never mind’ bullshit?”

“You clearly don’t want to be bothered right now, so I’m going back to bed.”

You turn around and start to walk back to your shared bedroom. “Doll, wait.”

You pause and he gets up from the couch, moving in front of you. You both sit in silence before you raise an eyebrow at him.

“Yes?”

“Why do you think you’re bothering me?”

You let out a scoff and shake your head. “I don’t know, maybe because you rolled your eyes and asked me, ‘what do you want’?”

Bucky lets out a frustrated groan. “You’re taking it the wrong way.”

“How am I supposed to take it, Bucky? Because to me, it sounds like you’re already pissed at me.”

Bucky looks down at you with a grumpy expression. “I’m already pissed at other stuff, it’s not you.”

“Well I’m still going to bed, I don’t want to be around you when you’re like this.”

“Why are you like this?” He mutters and rolls his eyes once more.

“Why do I have to be like this? That’s really funny coming from you.” 

“You always take things the wrong way.”

“You wanted space, I’m giving you space.” You finally decided to walk around him.

“I never said I wanted space!” He calls after you before deciding to follow you to your bedroom.

“Well you clearly are not in the mood to be around me so I’m removing myself from the situation.” You feel your throat tighten.

The past few months have been like this. It started off with small arguments like leaving a dish in the sink for a while, to making everything a fight. You don’t know what’s changed between the two of you. You both were like a well oiled machine, you both knowing what the other needed. But recently, you both were out of sync.

“Why do you always do this? Don’t walk away while we’re talking.” Bucky grabs your arm.

His grip is firm but not hard enough to hurt you. You jump and turn around, your eyes watering so much that a tear slips out.

“Let go.” Bucky immediately drops your arm.

“Why are you crying?” He asks gently.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because my boyfriend is in one of his moods?” You wipe your tears.

“This is so you,” Bucky lets out a scoff. “I told you it’s not about you. Not everything is about you.”

You feel a searing heat in your chest. “If that’s how you feel.”

You turn around and close the door, locking it behind you. Bucky stares at the door for a minute with his eyes widened. He pounds on the door.

He calls your name. “Open the door.”

You pull out a bag. “No.”

He calls your name again. “Open the damn door!”

“I’m not staying in the same room as you.” You pack some clothes and continue to wipe your tears.

“Just open the door!” You finally listen to him.

“You have two options, you either find somewhere else to sleep or I leave.”

“You can’t kick me out of our apartment.” He furrows his eyebrows.

You bring the bag over your shoulder. “Fine, I’m leaving then.”

Bucky’s eyes widen, noticing the bag finally. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I don’t know, maybe with Wanda or Natasha.”

Bucky steps in front of you. “You’re not going anywhere. You’re going to stay here, in our room.” You raise an eyebrow at him. “Then where are you going?”

“Why do I have to go somewhere? I didn’t do anything.”

“If you can’t see this clearly, then I can’t sleep under the same roof as you. Whether you like it or not, I’m not staying here tonight.”

“Please, don’t go Doll.” Bucky pleads as a last attempt.

“I can’t be in the same room as you right now.” You walk around him.

“Why are you being so damn difficult? You don’t need to run to Wanda or Natasha.”

“We can talk about this tomorrow. Once you’re not drunk.” You leave the room and head down the hall to the front door.

Bucky follows you out, going back to his spot on the couch. He takes a swig of the whiskey.

“Go, see if I care.” He scowls.

You falter in your steps for a moment. “Go to bed Bucky.”

You walk out of the front door, feeling Bucky’s glare. Bucky stares at the door for a moment before throwing the empty whiskey glass at the wall.

You hear the crash and turn to open the door. You stand there for a moment, your hand on the door knob debating on going back inside. You know Bucky, this isn’t who he is. But you can’t go back in. You turn around and make your way to Natasha’s.

Natasha’s apartment isn’t far from your apartment that you share with Bucky. You get there within 5 minutes and knock on her door.

Natasha opens the door, her eyebrows pulled together. “What are you doing here?”

You let yourself cry. “Can I stay here tonight?”

Natasha opens the door wider, ushering you in. “Of course, Babe.”

A few minutes later, you’re crying on the couch with a hot cup of cocoa. “I just don’t know where it all went wrong. It felt as if everything was going well, and now all we do is fight. I didn’t even want to look for him when I woke up.”

Natasha rubs your arm soothingly. “I understand. Bucky has a lot of baggage.”

“I don’t care about that.”

And it’s true. You know his past, his current nightmares, how he became who he is. It didn’t bother you because Bucky seemed to be improving.

“It feels like he’s going backwards. And…” You take a deep breath. “I don’t know if I want to stay around for that.”

Natasha nods her head. “No one would blame you if you wanted to take some time for yourself. Whether it’s a short break or a permanent one. But before you decide, maybe you need to sleep on it too.”

You nod. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Natasha takes the almost empty mug from your hands and places it on her coffee table. “You know you can stay here as long as you want, right?”

You nod again. “Yes, thank you Nat. Really, for everything.”

Natasha hugs you. “No need to thank me. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

You follow Natasha to the guest room. You get into bed, thinking about everything. Do you want to break up with Bucky?

Temporarily?

Permanently?

[duskvsdawn]

I don’t see much about my boy Seible so can you do a fluff post of no.7 wearing his clothes after your requests are open again?

Like cuddling after stream and him finally noticing his clothes on reader?🤭

🛐🛐🛐

≫ A/N: You know what, I'll do this now since all other requests are staring at me and I just can't bring myself to do them now. Sorry to those who are still waiting T_T also sorry that this isn't really that long. I really tried to stretch it as much as I could, but man :(

Content: nothing special, just cute stuff. It is a bit suggestive here and there (especially the ending) cause Seible is a motherfucking FREAK.

Art credits <3

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

If you like my works, please like, comment and reblog! It is much appreciated ❤ And if you really enjoyed it, please follow me so you can be kept up to date on future uploads! Please do not re-upload, translate, or use for AI training.

That looks better on you than it does on me!

You had come home from work incredibly tired, but sadly, your work wasn't done yet. There was still lots of paperwork that had to be done, but thank fuck, your boss was okay with you doing that at home. You had a high position at your job, so you got more privileges than your colleagues, and your boss was pretty lenient with you deciding on doing what you wanted to do when. You were typing away on your laptop while you sat at the dinner table, headphones on your head to listen to some music, while you compared some sheets to take out some mistakes and add some budgeting info.

Your boyfriend was doing his own thing upstairs. If you remembered correctly, he would be streaming today. But it was getting pretty late now, so he should be done any minute. You had walked to the kitchen to make yourself some coffee, your headphones still on your head since they were wireless. You were moving and singing along to the music while you were making said coffee, not noticing that your boyfriend had walked up behind you. He gently tapped you on the shoulder, scaring you shitless. You paused the music and took off your headphones.

"Hey, baby! I'm making some coffee, would you like some?" you asked your boyfriend with a beaming smile on your face. "Yeah, sure, I'd like some!" your boyfriend replied while he put his head on your shoulder as he hugged you from behind. And then he spotted it, his tie around your neck. "Aha! So that's where it was! I thought I was missing a tie!" your boyfriend said as one hand snaked towards the tie to lightly tug on it. A smirk appeared on your face, knowing full well your boyfriend loved it when you stole some of his clothes.

You had finished making the coffee for both of you, and you took it to the dinner table with you. You told your boyfriend you still had some work to do, but he didn't mind. The promoter sat in the seat you were previously sitting in and patted his lap. You shrugged and sat down, knowing full well that his hands would be all over you as you tried your best to finish your work. As you tried to finish your paperwork, Seible's hands were indeed all over you while he hungrily kissed your neck every now and then.

"Damn, that tie looks so good on you... It looks better on you than it does on me! Then again, you know I love it when you're wearing a full suit. Makes you look so sexy and powerful..." Seible said as he lightly tugged on the tie once more, moving your head to the side so he had more access to your neck to leave some more needy kisses there. "Mmm, babe, I am trying to work here. The more you keep teasing me, the longer it will take for me to finish. Which means, the longer it will take until you can drag me to bed," you said with a chuckle as your typing became more furious and frustrated because gosh, you really just wanted to go to bed already and tease him some more.

"Fine, fine... Go finish your work, then. When do you think you'll be done? Do you want me to start running a bath for us?" the promoter asked as he kissed your shoulder blade. "If you can leave me alone for long enough, it shouldn't take too long. About an hour or so? I will let you know when I'm almost done, okay?" you said with a smile as you looked over your shoulder. "Sure thing. I'll grab you a snack real quick. Knowing you, you haven't properly eaten all day again. I can hear your stomach growling," your boyfriend said as he rubbed gentle circles on your tummy. "I would love that," you said as you got up so your boyfriend could stand up.

So, Seible went on the hunt. He looked in the kitchen for something tasty for you to eat, and he found some of those desserts from your local supermarket that you really loved. He brought you one of each of your favourites, straciatella with caramel and vanilla cookie, and a spoon, of course. You thanked your boyfriend and started wolfing them down while you had put on some music once again. While you were eating, you went over all that you had typed so far. It was looking pretty good for now. You decided you would only do a little bit more work and finish the rest tomorrow. You just really wanted some quality time with your boyfriend for the rest of the night.

"Babe? Would you be okay with running that bath now? I'm only doing a little bit extra, and I'll finish the rest tomorrow," you said as you took off the headphones so you could hear his answer. "Sure, no problem! I'll wait for you in the bath," your boyfriend replied as he blew you a kiss, then headed up the stairs to make an extra hot bath for you with all your favourite oils and bath gels nearby. You shook your head and thought about how lucky you were to have your boyfriend in your life. He could be such a sweetheart. But once the two of you would end up in the bedroom, or anywhere, really, he turned into a total freak. Especially if you'd been wearing his clothes that day. So, yes, you had been wearing his tie on purpose for that very reason.

You finished your work for now, shut off your laptop and cracked your knuckles while doing a super satisfying stretch. You went up the stairs to join your boyfriend in the bath. You undressed and got in the bath with him. Gosh, he wasn't sure what he loved more. Seeing you naked, or seeing you wearing his clothes. He tried his best to hide his lustful intentions for now; he just wanted to wash you so you could relax. It had been a long day for you, after all. He plopped a beautiful blue galaxy bath bomb into the water and started lathering up his hands to wash your hair. You relaxed while you sat between his legs, just enjoying his gentle touches, letting him completely spoil you.

After your boyfriend had thoroughly cleaned you and also himself, you just leaned back against him for a bit, feeling his heartbeat against your back. You wondered why his heart was beating so fast, but then again, you had instantly noticed his "little problem" (which was anything but "little") down there the second you sat down. After both of you had rinsed off and dried off, the two of you headed towards bed.

Your boyfriend had a special surprise up his sleeves. He walked over to the cabinet with ties, socks and underwear, and took one of his ties out of it. He walked over to the bed and asked you to put your hands above your head. He tied your hands to the bed with a smirk on his face. "I know you decided to wear that tie on purpose. Now you're wearing another one. Be prepared for a whole night of fucking." Seible said as he leaned forward to leave some heated kisses on your lips. It was going to be a long night, all right. But your boyfriend didn't want to make it too long and intense, since you were tired after all, and you needed your beauty nap. He was going to put in all the work for you. "I'll take care of you, baby. I'm going to take care of you real good. Just lie there and be pretty, princess."

[growling]

I don't really relate to many other autistic people on tumblr since everything that they are writing about it is their experiences as high-masking, low (or even just no) support needs, former gifted kid, whose science related special interest got them a stable job, 3 weed smoking girlfriends and a dozen friends and just advising everyone that they need to push themselves and if they can do something then everyone can, if they can't then they are either coddling themselves staying in their comfort zone etc.

I can somewhat relate more to the other semiverbal and msn people in the tags but there's also just way fewer posts about it here. Majority of the time I see some another popular 1k notes posts about the Universal Autistic Experience I just go huh. Cause I don't do that or can't and then everyone is saying that that's the standard for all autistics and non-autistic people on tumblr now think that that's how all autistics are and that's it and aauuauauaaaauughgghghgggghhhhhhhrr.

Ok now my turn to talk about my experiences with being autistic and especially things that I don't hear other autistics talk about much or say are "harmful stereotypes" or "exaggerations" or "no autistic people act like that!!" or whatever the fuck it's so annoying. Also I'm just talking about me here so if your experience is different or you can't relate to this then just go make your own post

Can't fucking talk like 80% of the time. Not because I'm nervous/anxious but just cause it's hard for me and I don't even want to do it. I hate conversations cause I just want to answer with the fewest words possible or just simple short things like "ok" and "no" (I usually respond with "ok" to 99% of all things), I say things real quiet and often mumble cause I don't open my mouth enough and when someone asks me what I said I don't want to repeat cause I'm too frustrated then. People say my tone is off or I sound rude or "yell" (even though I'm being so quiet. because apparently "yelling" is synonymous with "say things in rude tone") so I purposefully make myself speak even softer than I usually do, but I also can't whisper that's also hard. When I do actually want to say more things I am unable to because I don't know how to translate thoughts into words and I stutter a LOT the more I try to say, I did look up what counts as severe stutter and yeah I would consider that very severe. And I stutter in the "stereotypical" and "inaccurate" way that I saw literal entire posts on here about how nobody stutters like that, how it only happens in bad fanfiction, and how annoying it is for people to act like there's real people speaking like that when I do literally fucking s-s-s-s-spea-pea-pea-k-k-k l-l-li-li-li-like-like-like-k-k th-th-th-th-this-s-s. Anybody that follows me for a longer time knows that I have SO much to say at any given time but outside of online spaces where I can just type things instead of using verbal words I can't speak normally even if I want to. How I answer to people isn't half the time the actual thing I mean, it's just me using shortest words to be done with the conversation the fastest even if I do like the subject, or do want to say something or continue it but it's like my mind turns off and my mouth just starts saying things on its own and once I walk away only then sort of snap back to being a person and think "why did I say that I don't even talk like that" which miiiight also be partially influenced by all the suspected dissociative disorder stuff but I'm not gonna think about it that hard.

Writing is hard too. Usually it's easier than verbal words (cause I can take as much time as I want and don't have to open my mouth), keyboard is way more easier than writing with a pen because I don't have to draw every single individual letter, just hit buttons really fast. I can't really structure my sentences right away, but gotta pause and think what words is the correct order or how to translate my thoughts into written words many times before I'm done writing, or else it will be incomprehensible. Correcting and being so careful with the way I write every time tires me a lot and makes me nervous, so I often take a Really long time whereas other people don't really have much of a problem with it. Though slowly I do think I wanna just stop caring and just write the way it's the fastest/most comfortable for me and only correct if it's genuinely impossible to read but it's gonna take some more time. Writing this post is. Also a pain in the ass

I don't remember exactly how I was as a kid (the Forgetterrr) but while I was still autistic as hell it was significantly milder and I could easily pass as a neurotypical (except for when I didn't), my symptoms and skills actually got worse the older I was getting and they are still just slowly declining more. I can't go outside by myself anymore, (last time I did was when I was around like 12-13 and I ran back crying because the store was closed and I was so scared of all the people around) even to throw out the trash just a few steps from the door I will not go. Whenever I do actually leave my apartment it's always with my mom or some other relative, I just follow behind her and not pay attention to any of my surroundings like the cars, with street it is, or where I am or how to find my way back. I can't take any public transport by myself. I can't navigate large spaces by myself and always need to be led everywhere and instructed exactly what to do despite being an adult. Can't buy things for myself (especially not clothes, food I feel I could theoretically, maybe do if I had a complete list, a calculator, and unlimited amount of time to walk around and find things and take breaks, but clothes?? nuh uh I'm looking at the shirts blinking a bit then wandering away not even touching anything) or talk to the store employees, can't make appointments or talk to doctors, I don't manage my money (I do have a few thousands in cash only that only accumulated so much because I got them all in several years and did not have anything to spend it on so I just didn't and I still don't) and if I was forced to then I don't think I could even do it because it sounds too complicated.

Sensory stuff doesn't just make me mildy irritable, I can't stand it. If clothes are a bad texture then I won't wear it and if the weather's so bad that I have to then I start crying. I have misophonia mainly bad with eating/chewing sounds, I cannot eat with other people, I just always go to my room or anywhere else if that's not available even if it's somewhere uncomfortable like a bed or a bathroom I can't eat at the table or be around people that are eating. Sometimes I wear headphones with really loud music on when I can't escape it (like in the car, but I do want to start wearing them out in public too). My younger brother knows that mouth smacking noises make me panic so he often comes up to me and starts making them so I will scream because he finds it funny when I'm stressed

What are clothes even. I can never dress for the occassion, maybe I could look outside the window and just copy what people are wearing if it's cold or warm etc but didn't do that yet. Putting on socks takes a long time (but worry not I have a System), I hate wearing multiple layers of shirts and will do anything to not have to do that, though usually I'm forced to cause it's too cold and I'm gonna pull and smack it the entire time if not just start growling and crying through it. I get it because it's "cold" out or whatever but also I don't really. If it inconvenieces me or makes me feel bad then I won't listen to reason or explaining why I have to I'm too busy being pissed and thinking about something else to care or really actually get it. I wore a bra outside as a teen for not more than like 2 years and I think you can guess why my mother eventually just gave up at trying to get me to put it on after a point. Putting on clothes at all is tiring and boring and tedious in general which is why I hate autumn and winter because that's where I have to get the most. I go multiple days sometimes weeks wearing the same things because of that.

Maintaining hygiene sucks especially showering. I only do it about once a week or two (if nobody explicitly tells me to) and it sucks. Two good things about showers is that one, the hot water is nice on my skin (even if mother complains that I get it so warm that it steams over all the mirrors and walls) and two I guess I'm clean now so that's nice. I think I would straight up explode if I stood for the whole duration of it like majority of people do, I just sit on the floor and use the shower hose like that cause why not why don't other people do that. It takes me like, half an our of maybe more because showering sucks. I'm too distracted with pouring water on myself that I forget my objective or my brain just turns off and I gotta remember what the hell I'm doing. I do an okay job with the hair but I have no idea how to scrub my skin in a way so it won't hurt so I'm just stuck with permanent dirt stains all over

Bad at empathy, social things and with understanding things and not in a Quirky way. I don't get most things people are saying and I need stuff clarified, or repeated in simpler words, many times sometimes if needed, I don't get or care about people's emotions and won't comfort them if they're sad I'll just get away from them because it makes me stressed. Bad things happen and I'm excited as long as it doesn't affect me because I find it entertaining especially if it's something new that I never heard of before. I can't pick up on subtle hints and won't try and make an effort to blend in or get involved, I'll just walk away, if someone is uncomfortable with something I'm doing or acting like then no matter how "obvious" they try and make it, I will not do or change anything unless they explicitly tell me exactly what's wrong or what I have to do. Can't follow "abstract" instructions, I can only do things where it's the most comprehensive detailed and explicitly laid out thing ever and even then I will ask questions cause I forget. If someone instructs me to do something and it's too long or they didn't explain every single possible step I will not do it, or if I do understand it, if it's too long then I'll forget it and won't do it. Need things like slightly more advanced math broken down to me very slowly and gradually like you're teaching a small child in very simple easy to understand way so I can do it, and I'll forget it all later anyway. I don't do facial expressions aside from a sort of grimace when I get very happy/something makes me laugh or when I'm crying. I don't understand most complicated concepts (unless it's something related to my special interests, but even then I just have a willingness to learn and idk if I'll actually learn) like politics and related stances, I do have my own beliefs but I can't really explain them further than just writing them out, and it's pretty surface level. Idk how to "mask" I don't know if I'm doing it and how I would do it and I don't think I care.

I think about my special interests and hyperfixations all the time. Not an exaggeration not a hyperbole I always think about my special interests and hyperfixations every second of my life. I get stressed if I'm forced to care or think about anything else other than them. Also I got permanent music playing in my brain 24/7 so even if I didn't think about the former things it's near impossible to really focus on stuff that like involves lots of thinking and remembering. My special interests don't make me "smart" or a savant either.

I can't just easily cope with my symptoms. I can't "will it away" or "trick" it or "just self-accomodate" for all or even most of what comes with my autism I need help so I can be comfortable and not get seriously sick or die. One more condescending "universal autism advice" post I will resort to extreme violence

The autism "community" on tumblr is very exclusive and only centered on certain LSN autistics, every post is just written by and for LSN autistics and treating them as the only autistics that matter or are worth including, just straight up treating people like me like they don't exist, are "stereotypes", or too embarrassing for them to acknowledge. Everybody keeps saying "it's a spectrum" but nobody means it. People here straight up jump at and bully each other for acting too autistic for some fucking reason. We're never getting out of the torment nexus aren't we

[the-himawari]

A3! Usui Masumi - Translation [SSR] Rosa Pura Yearning for Love (3/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set a Izumi

---

Tsuzuru: I’m home—. Woahh!?

Masumi: …

Tsuzuru: That gave me a heart attack… What are you doing standing out here?

*ding dong*

Delivery person: Good day~. I have something addressed to Mr. Usui Masumi.

Masumi: Thanks.

Tsuzuru: (There’s a mountain of cardboard boxes… Just what did he order so much of…?) Ah… Masumi, do you need any help carrying that?

Masumi: …Can you take these in then?

Tsuzuru: (Huh? They're lighter than I expected once I lift them up.) (Just what in the world is this…?)

-pause-

Masumi: Place them down over there.

Tsuzuru: S-Sure…

Masumi: …

Tsuzuru: (He opened the boxes right away and started getting something ready…) (Is this Director’s White Day present that he mentioned the other day?) (There’s a lot of stuff here though, and I’m pretty sure he was supposed to give her cookies…)

Masumi: …

Tsuzuru: (Balloons? Is he using them for a party…?)

Masumi: *Blows*.

Tsuzuru: (He’s starting to inflate them…) (Wait, is that box full of balloons…?) (Should I help him? But…)

Masumi: …Quit staring. If you’re going to help then help already.

Tsuzuru: … (Why am I the one getting antsy here?) (But at this rate, I can’t help it�� I guess I’ll lend him a hand.)

-pause-

Tsuzuru: Phew… (We’ve finished blowing up the balloons, but there’s still some boxes left.) Hey, Masumi. Are these full of balloons too? I’m gonna go ahead and open them—.

*opens*

Tsuzuru: Is this… packing material?

*knock, knock*

Tsuzuru: Come in. …Huh, Tetsuro-san?

Tetsuro: …

Tsuzuru: Um… what are those big boards for…?

Masumi: We’re going to assemble them, so you hold this over there.

Tsuzuru: Wait, what!?

-pause-

Masumi: …It’s done.

Tsuzuru: What is this… A huge box?

Tetsuro: …

Tsuzuru: D-Don’t tell me…

Masumi: Tsuzuru, help me tie the ribbon.

Tsuzuru: Hey, Masumi? Let me just ask to make sure, but what I’m wrapping is…

Masumi: Me.

-pause-

*knock, knock*

Izumi: … (Hm? No one’s there…? Masumi-kun called me over though…)

-pause-  

Izumi: Excuse me—. What the heck is that huge box!? And what’s with all these balloons… Come to think of it, Masumi-kun said he had something he wanted to give me. This isn’t it, is it…? Nobody’s around. Maybe I’ll come back…

*rustle*

Izumi: (There’s a sound coming from inside the box… I-Is someone inside…?) Noooo. There’s no way, right…)  

*opens*

Masumi: Happy White Day.  

Izumi: (I KNEW IT…!!!) Errm… let me ask real quick, but what is all this for…?  

Masumi: It's your White Day present. The very best thing I can give you is myself. I want to give you my everything.  

Izumi: (He’s even more passionate than usual). (Masumi-kun’s earnestness to go to such lengths for me sure is dangerous…)  

Masumi: …Did you feel excited when you opened it?  

Izumi: Huh?

  Masumi: Here. Untie the ribbon already.  

Izumi: Fufu. Okay, okay. (…Well, I guess that’s also a part of Masumi-kun that never changes.)  

-pause-  

Masumi: …I’ll give you a test cookie I made.  

Tsuzuru: Didn’t you give yourself to her for White Day?  

Masumi: I want to see her enjoying eating the cookies I made too, so I’m planning to give her cookies separately as well.  

Tsuzuru: You’re asking for a lot.  

Masumi: …I know. No matter how much I give, I still can’t get what I want most from Director. (…Just like those cookies.) That’s why I want everything I can get now. And I intend to get it. …Doing that much is fine, right?  

Tsuzuru:  …You really are devoted. Well, do your best.  

Masumi: You don’t need to tell me. And stop patting my head. It’s annoying.

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[fagtainsparklez]

translation + transcript of roier and cellbit's conversation - 10/18/23

note: i am not a fluent spanish speaker. i can understand it pretty well, but there may still be some issues with the translation of some of roier’s lines! i apologize in advance. this conversation starts at 03:08:45 of cellbit's vod, and goes until they warp to bagi's house.

C: What do you have outside of the island?

R: Huh?

C: What do you have outside of the island?

R: What do you-what do I have outside the island?

C: (crosstalk) What do you have-yes.

R: Outside of the island . . . uh, I don’t remember. I don’t remember. Do you remember?

C: Yeah. But the things I can remember . . . I wish I could forget them.

R: (pause) Why?

C: Because they’re terrible things.

R: You were-you were in prison.

C: And before that, too.

R: Before that? What happened? Were you a robber or something? Did you say “pasa tudo”? And that’s why you’re in prison? Well, were. No?

C: It was worse than that.

R: Worse than that? What’s the worst thing you did?

C: I don’t know how many people I’ve killed.

R: You’ve killed a lot of people?

C: I didn’t have a choice. It was for survival.

R: Hm . . . 

C: They were games . . . I don’t know why they existed. Just . . . it was 100 people fighting against each other . . . and when I killed all of them, a new game began, and I had to kill all of them, and a new game began, and I had to kill all of them. I only had myself. And . . . my desperation to survive.

R: (crosstalk) So you were in some games that required you to kill a lot of people?

C: Yeah. When I was thirteen.

R: Thirteen?

C: I don’t remember anything before then. But . . . 

R: Was that why you got imprisoned? Or was it something else?

C: (pause) The-there’s a blank in my memory between the prison and the games. 

R: Hm . . . you don’t remember.

C: (crosstalk) But I don’t-that’s not a place I want to explore. But before all of that, I don’t remember. But someone does. Someone on this island remembers.

R: Someone on this island remembers?

C: Before everything.

R: Bagi-

C: (interrupting) Yeah.

R: Told me. It’s Bagi?

C: What did she tell you?

R: Because-ah, now you want to know. Look, Bagi told me stuff about you. She came up to me all worried because she thought you were angry at her. Is that true?

C: No. Not with her.

R: (crosstalk) Right. Not with her, okay.

C: Has someone ever robbed you?

R: Yes.

C: Have you ever felt that emptiness and that loss when something is taken from you that you can never get back?

R: Of course.

C: When I look at her, that’s all I feel.

R: Of course, because it’d been a long time that-that you hadn’t seen her, of course. I have-I have one question. She’s-she’s your sister, right?

C: (pause) It looks like it.

R: Perfect. This is what she told me. So, you’d never seen her before?

C: I never had-I don’t remember her. I don’t remember anything before the games.

R: So . . . look, she told me that she spoke to you about that, and she felt that you were angry with her. But you’re not angry with her. You just feel empty that she looks and reminds you of all that lost time, no?

C: Exactly. And it’s not just that.

R: Not just that?

C: So much has been happening, guapito. I can’t take it anymore.

R: Ah, okay, I see. It’s a lot of shit. I know it’s a lot of shit, I know it’s a lot of shit. But we’re together. We’re together, and that’s all that matters, you know? While we’re together, we can win. No?

C: (pause) I just wish . . . 

R: (pause) What’s wrong?

C: (sighs) You’re right. We’re together, and that’s what matters. (pause) I’m going to-I’m going to speak with her. Guapito.

R: Yes?

C: I don’t know what’s going to happen to me.

R: How do you not know what’s going to happen to you?

C: Everything that happened yesterday . . .

R: Okay.

C: If it wasn’t orchestrated by the Federation, they must know for a fact that I was the one that led everyone there. 

R: And you think they’re going to silence you, or something like that?

C: It-it’s the only thing-it’s what they always do. At any moment.

R: If they silence you or lock you up or what have you, I’ll look for you until I find you. I won’t stop, okay? Don’t worry. If something happens, I’ll chase after you.

C: And I’ll wait for you. If that’s the case

R: Okay. Just like we did the first time, remember? With your white streak. Remember asshole, I found you. We all did.

C: I hope that they don’t ruin my hair again.

R: No no no, imagine you keep your all-white hair, and you’re a bear or something this time. What do you think?

C: No, no, no way. That’s where I draw the line, that’s where I draw the line (laughs)

R: They’ll make you a furry. No, no, no, no, say it ain’t so.

C: Anything but that.

R: Oh! Wait a second. What’s up, tiny Cellbit? Uh, what was I going to say? So, uh, you and your sister? It’ll be okay. You don’t have to feel empty anymore. You’ve felt lost all this time, right?

C: Yes. Every day, when I wake up.

R: You can’t get back that time, right?

C: (pause) Exactly.

R: But there’s a lot of time-we have all the time in the world.

C: We do.

R: (crosstalk) Good!

C: We all have the time in the world.

R: Now, asshole. Now, asshole. So-so, she tells me, all worried, she comes up to me all worried over your relationship. Because she told me she spent a long time searching for you, and that when you were in prison, she enlisted with the police, or something like that. So, I’d suggest that we talk to her, and explain why you feel this way. Why you feel so sad because you don’t want to see her, you know? I understand that you feel like you lost-you lost so much time, but I feel like you should still be with her. Because she’s your sister. She’s your sister, and you deserve to be together, because nothing can change that she’s your sister. Even with all the lost time, in the end, you can still regain all that time, you know? You don’t have to lose any more time. You understand?

C: You’re right. Uh, do you know where she is?

R: Uh, she’s at-she’s at . . . I have no fucking idea.

C: Come with me. Do you have the warp to her house?

R: Okay, let’s go!

C: I want to show you something.

[bangtanhoneys]

Magic Shop - Grace

[BTS WEVERSE] GRACE started their LIVE: How are you feeling?

ARMY got their notification as it came through to their phones in the middle of the afternoon in Seoul. It had been awhile since Grace had been seen, heard or even mentioned since all members of BTS had enlisted with the military, Jungkook & Jimin the last two to go. Fans had taken to messaging or commenting on Instagram posts or on LIVE videos of TXT, CL, Seventeen and IU to see where Korea’s noona was. 

The background didn’t belong to any studio or a modern apartment like ARMY were used to seeing from BTS. It looked homely, warm, unique and with a hint of British to it. She was sitting in a brown leather office chair, dressed in a jumper but with a cardigan wrapped around her and a blanket thrown over her legs. 

As always, she was cradling a cup of tea.

The video was muted as she turned to her left, said something then nodded before turning her attention to the screen in front of her which was then when the video was unmuted. 

“Good afternoon, ARMY. How are we doing?” she asked, shifting so she brought a knee up to rest her mug on as she leaned forward to see the screen.

“You’re feeling sad? Hungry. You’ve got homework to do, ooh someone is about to go on a date. Well have a lovely time. Sad, sad, sad,” Grace read through the fast incoming comments. 

“I’m feeling sad,” she admitted as she smiled slightly. “As you know, the boys have gone to do their duty for the military. I’ve seen them all off now so I don’t know quite what to do with myself. I’ve come to stay with my parents for a little bit, Min-ji is enjoying himself with his grandparents. But I just wanted to come here and show my face, to say I’m here, I’ve not disappeared. I just needed a little while to reorganise my mind, if that makes sense?”

Grace took a sip of tea and watched the comments go up the screen, ignoring the ones that were plain stupid or the ones that only cared about one member in particular.

“Will I have contact with them? I will. Don’t worry, the group chat is alive and well. Namjoon sent a message which translated, means I’m freezing my ass off,” Grace explained as she switched to English when she saw the English comment come in. “So they're doing well. Seokjin is getting promoted left right and centre, Yoongi is having fun being a civil servant, Hobi is kicking ass and obviously our boys are adjusting. I’ve been keeping an eye on them in the best way I can. But it won’t be long till they are home. You just have to deal with me for a while.”

She laughed as the comments came in, some saying: ‘Grace noona is going to be the best ARMY leader ever’ ‘when is your solo stuff coming?’ ‘when is Seokjin coming home?’

“My solo stuff. Ah well, it’s coming. I promise. I have a lot planned but I can’t reveal everything yet. I’m under tight instructions not to say anything until it’s ready and we’re nearly there, you just need to wait a couple of months or so and then it will be here and you won’t know what to do with yourselves.”

“Am I okay?” Grace read one comment, pausing as she looked at the screen then the mug then back to the screen again. 

“No is the honest answer. I’ve been with all of them for 13 years now? Roughly. I met Namjoon first, then Yoongi & Hobi and then all of them trickled in. I’ve been at Big Hit since I was 18 or 19 and I’m nearly 34. That’s a long time. So my world since the day I signed my BTS contract has been them and now I don’t have that. They're doing their duty and I’m very proud of them but it’s hard not having one of them here, every moment of every day. So I’m adjusting to the fact that I don’t have access to all of them now. It was alright when it was just one or two but now it’s all of them.”

Grace paused and took a sip of her drink, smiling slightly. “But don’t worry about me, I’m getting there. Like all of you, we were all here and now there’s only one but I know the boys have plenty of things to entertain you with while they enlist and you’ve got my things coming as well, so you won’t be bored. In fact, you’re going to be complaining.”

It was obviously a tease and she knew exactly what she was hinting at with Yoongi’s Suchwita episode with her still to come where the announcement would be that she was coming on her birthday and then it was going to be a whirlwind from her birthday onwards and then her tour. 

So much to do, so little time but for now, she was content to sit with ARMY and just chat. 

“Sing Magic Shop,” one comment caught her eye. 

“I don’t have Jungkook’s karaoke set up but one moment, let me see what I can do.”

She untangled herself from her cocoon and went to the door, left the room and then came back with another phone. “I’ve stolen my mother’s phone so one second everyone.”

Grace closed the door behind her, just as Min-Ji slipped through the door. “Ah I guess he wants to say hello.” 

She sat back down in her chair and sorted her blankets, tapping at her lap so Min-Ji could jump up. He gracefully did so and put his front paws on the desk, sniffing at the phone that was filming her live. 

“You done? It’s only ARMY. Say hello.”

He gave a soft meow as he turned and made biscuits in her lap while she searched on her mother’s phone for the Magic Shop karaoke version. 

“Okay, here we go. So everyone, I’m fine, sad as you are but I’m here if you need me. Just shout my name on WeVerse and I’ll come running - no matter what you need, what you want to ask, what you want to see, don’t hesitate to contact me, okay? After all, I’m in charge of the Magic Shop now,” Grace smiled as she lifted her hand to show her heart fingers. “I love you all.”

ARMY were left with Grace singing her version of Magic Shop to them, which the clip would be later uploaded to Twitter with many asking for Grace to release it for ARMY as a present. 

[aliothbuzzsawshark]

Alright it’s tomorrow I watched the first 2 go rush dub episodes and here’s what my thoughts are - from a huge sevens fan who only has seen a few clips, tumblr posts, and the cat episode before watching

I also watched this with my sister, who greatly dislikes Yu-Gi-Oh! Bridge content. It was a joy having to also explain to her Yes You Can Draw Multiple Cards And All Of This Is Legal Play. A joy to watch from that alone

Episode 1 and I actually really like Yudias? I thought I’d get annoyed since he’s an alien and not an ohdo but he’s been the best part of this show so far. I love how dramatic both he and the voice actor are when doing literally anything ever. He’s insane in the way which reminds me of the drama in Yu-Gi-Ohs past. Also he’s just funny. I laughed at him a lot more than I expected, especially with him and the Velgears. Solid 8/10 character, would belong in any other Yugioh perfectly and his dub voice actor actually kills it at being Yudias (10/10 on va-ing)

Now I was weary of Yuhi. Before knowing anything about Go Rush I told myself I’d be a Yuhi stan. But no he’s kinda annoying? Like idk if it’s a translation thing but he just so fucking annoying whenever he talks. I think the dubbing plays a part of that too though; I’ve played stuff with his va (ntwewy) and though he sounded way to monotone but this feels like he’s exaggerating every sentence in the worst way possible. I like his design and his weird alien hair but unfortunately that’s about it? Like 4/10 probably better in sub I hate hearing him

Yuamu is almost good. I almost like her. Her dub voice feels way too high pitch but that’s not even my main problem and I don’t know what is. I liked her before watching (especially her hair, love the gradient and bangs) but she just feels…boring? Like she’s just here to explain how to play and has one part in the second episode which I find annoying but I’ll get to that later. Overall 6/10 nothing too wrong with her and her voice only annoys me a little (her voice actress would do a great Yuna though tbh)

I don’t really have any notes about the plot. I think it’s funny how the Ohdos say there’s a the smartest people alive for the sake of their livelihood, I like the velgears, the bit with Yudias just having booster packs was funny, I really like Yudias. Nothing wrong with it. Overall like 7/10 episode. Sevens had a better starting episode but I didn’t expect anything else

(also theme “song” was just as boring as sevens BUT THEY SAY THE NAME OF THE SHOW! Actually blew my mind the first time I have low standards)

Episode 2 is actually pretty fun. I like Yudias reminiscing about the war through a card, I like the secrecy (wait it’s called the MIK originally? Honestly I can’t be mad at the change two 3 letter organization is a bit confusing), and Manabu and Nyandestar are a pretty fun duo!

Manabu is a silly guy. I already liked him out of pity before but he’s just cool. I like his design and voice and him as a character overall. I thought him just saying no to dueling at first was really funny (paused the episode around that point and pointed out to my sister how the question “what if I just say no to duel” finally got answered) and I think it’s a really cute detail how his disguise it just Gakuto. 7/10 character would be higher but MADDOX SOGETSU? Bad name me and my sister just started calling him Matthew because that’s a better name. (Alternate better names include Mason, Morgan, Matt, Mark, any M name)

Nyandestar is fun! Meowdestar is a fine change to her name, it makes sense but I will never fucking call her that. She’s just fun, that’s about it! Her and Manabu are like team rocket but she’s both James and meowth. No complaints 9/10 I like cats.

Idk what isn’t a translation change, but the conversation with a disguised Manabu and Yuamu made me feel…mad? Annoyed? Idk but saying a man is faking a pet snake because snake aren’t slimy and are actually reptiles is such a nickpicking thing I would hate to be in her presence. ALSO THE OHDO’S INHERITED UTS??? NEPO BABIES. Another point against the Ohdo twins.

However, Yudias is a bright light in this dub, his va is doing amazing still and I love his vocal delivery in Yudias’s flashback of leaving his home planet. And from the 10 seconds I saw I like Zwijou enough (I’m not checking the spelling) and his voice actor. Really giving the dead wife trope and I’m curious on how I’ll inevitably hate him later.

Fine episode, 6/10. I’ll probably continue watching just out of principle but probably wouldn’t if I didn’t care for Sevens. Better than I expected tbh would recommend to yugioh watchers as long as they’re used to Yugioh dubs.

also peak logo, might be my favorite and that’s high praise lol anyways goodnight woohoo

[alternis]

okay I want to focus on learning a language but ive been splitting my attention between 3 and getting nowhere with any of them so I'm putting it to The People to decided which i should prioritise

my options:

French - studied it in school, my dad is fluent, I got decent grades bc my vocab is great but I hate the grammar. so much. verb conjugations are my enemy. No real use for it but it feels like a waste to let it wither away, and France is right next door so it could be practical to know.

Japanese - my cousin gave me the books he used to learn Japanese for work, back when I was a teenager, and I've been off-and-on with studying since then. I'm pretty much fluent in hiragana and katakana but I've been treading water with grammar/vocab/kanji bc I go on multi-month breaks for Health Reasons, then spend my time revising and catching back up to myself, before getting interrupted by another Health Hiatus. kind of a niche language and I'm not super into anime or manga anymore so idk how useful it would be.

Mandarin - I kept seeing Chinese signs/text and being like "hey I recognise those hanzi from learning kanji" and it seemed like a fun little side project. and it is fun! but that might just be New Thing Dopamine Hits. love not having onyomi and kunyomi readings to cry over and I seem to have a decent ear for tones. as the second-most spoken language in the world it would be practically useful to study, and Ive been reading a lot of translated Chinese novels so I'd have Stuff To Do with my language acquisition. but I'd probably have to pause japanese studies, which would make it harder for me to catch back up to myself in the future.

[aventvrina]

Author portrait. Get to know the author behind the blog! repost, do not reblog.

Basics.

Name/nickname: Z/Uzi/Uzir all from Uziris Age: 29 Pronouns: She/her Years of writing: 13 on tumblr, 16+ if we count MSN

Reflection.

Why did you pick up writing? - I picked up writing around the same time I picked up drawing. It was just something I kinda always did on instinct, I gotta thank a lot my cousins for putting up with me being my first beta readers. But honestly it was mostly do I could make my own fun with my characters. Do you have any writing routines? - I fear I am a very in the moment writer. I've tried all my life to change it but if I'm not feeling it it's not coming. (Yes, I did suffer a lot writing my thesis how could you tell?) However, when I'm in the mood I only have two options, either I write a thesis and two books in one setting or I write one paragraph that satisfies the urge and call it a day. There's no in between. What's your favorite part about writing? - Character exploration. Love to put to words the gremlin's thoughts and explore the living hell out of everything they do, think, own, feel. Every little detail offers so much, a gesture, a pause, a glance, it's so telling I love it. And well, breaking them in too, I don't mean this in a literal sense, but more so, in putting them in challenges (good or bad) that put to test their foundations and see what comes of it. Let's get that inner development!!

Three things you like about your writing.

One. Oh man this isn't really something I think about? I just kind of go with what comes to mind at the moment. I guess I like the simplicity? I try to go for something that's easy to read through and get the gist mostly cause I know a lot of times my writing can come off weird by trying to put to words what makes sense grammatically in one language for another. Two. I'll be very honest I am coming at a blank here. Maybe the length? I know it's stupid to like lengthy replies but i'm a yapper by nature and I guess that also translates into writing which I don't mind at all. A lot of times I have to slap my wrist over length and erase a few paragraphs cause there's no need to offer that much info for something small, I wish I knew how to be short and concise but alas. Three. How direct it is? I could go and try to double read or rewrite stuff but honestly the less i think about it the better it comes off. So all my replies are first tries. I do sometimes put some previous structure to it so i remember what i wanted to go for but in the end, whatever comes out is what i was telling myself at the moment without thinking too much.

A question for the next person.

Write a question for the next person to answer. Once you've answered it, leave a new question for someone else to answer.

When life throws you lemons, and gets you down, does writing become something that you're drawn to as to get you through it, or do you feel like it does the opposite?

This heavily depends, I have used writing and rping to work through bad times before, it helped me as much as it damaged me but then again it's not like i had much choice back then. Nowadays I rather keep it at arms length. As much as I feel that it could help, this is supposed to be a hobby I enjoy, if i come with a spoiled mood to it, it'll ruin the fun. I will look at what I wrote and be reminded of what I was going through rather than whether I enjoyed it or not. Specially if I'm going through a very rough time, as it has happened before.

Tell me about your favourite roleplay experiences ! what was a thread that you really enjoyed ?

I don't know if anyone here knows what IScribble is but it was one of my first rp spaces where i rped both in writing and drawing. It was genuinely fun, met one of my irl best friends there and we kept rping through MSN with OCs. Despite the obvious cringe plots/ideas and very, very bad english, it was one of the most fun i have ever had rping where we started with two ocs and ended up crafting a whole entire community and lore surrounding them. And of course, ended up with a life-long friend.

Thread wise though, it has to be back on 2017/18 when i was rping in a Firefly themed closed rp group. Since it was closed, all our characters had to personally know each other and their stories merged together on the ship, during one of the events there were huge breakthroughs in a significant character relationship that still lives rent free in my head cause it was completely spontaneous. We had nothing planed except that they were acquainted from a mission before boarding the ship, all else that transpired was just pure back and forward jumping on the characters reactions to each other and it was -chefs kiss- We ended up having a lot of fun before the rp shut down and we all moved on with life (mel from hell if you're out there love ya! sol to my sid & jane to my petra)

New question: When you're in a writing funk what inspires you to write?

Tagged by: @artisaen & @iniziare (smooching you both) Tagging: @liecoris, @shrineofprophecy, @wolfkcst, @pairidaezah & you!!!

[chornayadrakoshig]

I think I need to take a pause with all the fandom events/exchanges/challenges xD While there are a lot of fun elements to it, it's hard to exist in a state of "oh I'm working on/I finished this cool piece but I can't show it to anybody/can only show it in a group chat of few people for a few more months". I think I've only posted 2 works that I did purely for myself or for non-anonymous no-deadlines challenge in the past FOUR MONTHS. I love sharing previews and WIPs and posting things with after I finish them but I literally have stuff I finished in September-October last year and I've only just recently posted it - not even under my personal account, I'll have to wait another week for de-anon. I just signed up for too many things at the same time (and jokes on me I also sent out a fanzine submission so who knows this madness might continue till summer) and I had no time for personal projects in between.

But besides that the 2 last events I signed up for are in progress/close to an end so here is (not specific and probably non-extensive) list of stuff I'll be able to finally post in the next 1-2 month (yes i have some shit I'll be able to de-anon only sometime during the first half of March. yay)

the sewing project I'm really hyped about! I finished it on Monday and I still need to take good photos and submit it but it's CUTE

at least 2 artworks for 2 different fandoms - I have a few more ideas but the deadline is February 2 at noon and I'm not so sure

podfic that is technically still in progress but I'm pretty confident I'll finish it on time

about 4k words of translations and at least 11k words of my own writing - I have a few WIPs that are maybe 3-4k all together and idk if I'll finish all of them on time so they might be postponed to NEXT YEAR but fingers crossed I'll get them done. Insane variety of pairings too (genres/tropes - not so much but I've tried lol)

[askbensolo]

"Then I tracked down Poe and convinced him to down a couple beers with me and play Podracing Simulator till 1am (which took no convincing at all, him being Poe) because I was desperately trying to rot my brain outta my skull." Hey Ben, I know you're going through a lot right now and it might feel like you're not getting anywhere, but that ^^^ right there? That shows growth. I think the Ben of 5, 6, 7 years ago would have had a much harder time recognizing he needed to pause, find a friend, and do an activity to give his brain a break from the problem.

Sure, it's not a long term solution, but taking breaks is important! My own therapist even suggests taking breaks after our sessions to do an activity with minimal brain effort that you enjoy to let your conscious mind rest and your nervous system re-regulate.

You think so?

…Okay. Okay.

No...you're right. I have grown a lot. From...how I used to be, anyway.

...Yeah. You're right. I sure would've done a lot worse under that kinda stress, some years ago.

Yeah. I had kind of a hard day today. Couldn't focus. Super anxious. I just...couldn't stop thinking about her, like at work and stuff, and thinking about this summer, and how I was always super excited for five o'clock, because that meant coming back home—coming back home to where she was—and by now I've gotten used to Poe and Beebee-Ate and even Threepio all being here instead, but—when 4:50pm hits, it's like some kind of psychological trigger, I start to miss her—and I don't know why that wouldn't translate into me texting her back on time—well, it's kind of a moot point now, I don't think she wants to hear from me—but—I'm just—I don't know—well, anyway...

No, but...maybe Amalia was right. Maybe I'm not good enough for her. Well—I know I'm not—I always knew that...

...I do want what's best for her. And...I don't think it's me. I think she's really good for me—I think she makes me a better person—but...that's beside the point, isn't it?

But then...that was her whole thing, right, that I shouldn't think she'll always be "better" than me—that I'm not just stuck being Like This—

...I should just shut up. Talking myself in circles. Getting dizzy.

But, uh...I was thinking maybe I should go hang out with my family this weekend. It's been a while. I mean...like what you said, right? Hanging out with people. It helps.

And anyway I kind of started hearing voices in my head again today during my second panic attack but not like literally hearing voices just having thoughts and it was kind of like how I used to hear things in my head but not really AND IT'S NOT SNOKE it wasn't him I swear but all the same it made me feel like I need to make sure I keep in contact with the people who love me most the people who for whatever reason are supposed to always love me even if she stops loving me—

I NEED TO SHUT UP. ugh

You said it's good to do mindless activities when you're overwhelmed, right?

...Awesome. I'm gonna go hate-watch Love Among Hutts. No spoilers, please—I haven't seen the finale yet. Rooting for Khartoha, though.

[the-himawari]

A3! Izumida Azami - Translation [SR] Hyper Work Time (1/2)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

---

Azami: Y’see, I’m not sure what to do to prepare for my role as a maid at the moment.

Izumi: I see… when I think of a maid, I suppose I imagine them serving, cleaning, and greeting their guests, right?

Azami: Same here. I imagine ‘em doing housework and stuff.

Izumi: In that case, why don’t you try starting there for your role study?

Azami: You mean doin’ housework?

Izumi: Yeah. You can pretend you’re a maid and try your hand at cooking, serving, cleaning and doing the laundry.

Azami: Pretend I’m a maid, huh? Outta the options you just mentioned, I guess cleanin’ sounds the best… But what’s the difference between the cleanin’ maids do and what we usually do around here? Maybe it’s their attention to detail…?

Izumi: Hmm… Ah, that’s right! The Arisugawa family employs maids. Why don’t you try asking Homare-san about how maids do their cleaning?

Azami: Oh, good call. Guess I’ll try askin’ Homare-san. I wonder if he’s at the dorm right now.

Izumi: I think he’s here. He mentioned that he was going to work on his manuscript in his room today.

Azami: He’s workin’, huh? I don’t wanna bother him or anything…

Izumi: Ah, right now should be fine though.

Azami: Right now…?

Izumi: Yeah. It’s right about snack time, so why don’t you bring some tea over to Homare-san? He doesn’t come out of his room very often while he’s hard at work, so I sometimes bring tea and snacks to him around this time.

Azami: I didn’t know you did that.

Izumi: I mean, it's really only once in a while when I’m at the dorm and we have snacks on hand.

Azami: Makes sense. You’re out a lot for meetings and to help out other theatre troupes after all.

Izumi: Right. I’m thankful I’ve been able to stay busy. That being said, I happened to receive some snacks from an acquaintance yesterday, so could you please deliver them along with some tea to Homare-san’s room?

Azami: Got it. I’ll bring it to him. Thanks.

-pause-

*knocks and opens door*

Azami: Sorry, I know you’re workin’. I brought these in Director’s stead.

Homare: Why, thank you. I was just thinking about taking a break myself. Hm? My, the tea cakes today are splendid! I feel my poetic inspiration welling forth once again. In any case, what a rare occasion it is for you to bring these in Director-kun’s stead.

Azami: The truth is, I have somethin’ I wanna ask you… So I got Director to let me come instead.

Homare: I see. If that’s the case, let us chat over a cup of tea.

Azami: That’s cool with you?

Homare: Of course. When I'm alone on my breaks, my mind can't help but wander back to my tasks. That’s why I’m grateful to be able to talk with you, Azami-kun.

Azami: I see. Thanks.

-pause-

Azami: …And that’s why I wanted to ask you about how maids do their cleanin’.

Homare: I see. How the Arisugawa family’s maids clean, hm? I admit I have never paid that any special attention… However, our maids are very skilled at cleaning and they keep every nook and corner absolutely spotless.

Azami: Every nook and corner?

Homare: Of course the furniture is a given. But they also dust, wipe, and polish each and every art piece and painting on display… They clean everything so thoroughly that after they’ve finished, not a single speck is left behind.

Azami: Not a single speck, huh… I’ve never went that far before. (I’m on cleanin’ duty for the lounge tomorrow, so I’ll try to keep that in mind…) Thanks, Homare-san. I’ll use that as reference.

Homare: Wonderful to hear. This has served as a nice break for me as well.

---

| next

[idealspawn]

i think its probably good that he is on his 2 week europe trip. we made plans for after his trip so i feel secure. he told me he trusts me. i trust him too. i was afraid i dont trust myself not to disconnect w my feelings but i think its fine now. i therapized myself out of it :d. i think we both need breathing room. i also need to get sober for a while, fuck. that has def messed me up. we met up one last time before he left too and he took pics of me w his film camera. he is convinced that im photogenic though im not.... he taught me how to use the camera too! we also visited a local church and listened to the organ music there. it was beautiful. ive been massively inhaling therapy videos on how to self-regulate and allow breathing room in a relationship. also how to maintain a distinct identity whilst being together with someone. it has helped me immensely. i also have actually returned back to my hobbies and read diff essays abt my personal interests like philosophy and religion and the art of translating literature. i rediscovered old video games i used to play w my sister, that is insanely healing. ive drawn a lot and listened to lots of new music and made new cool playlists. i watched some anime too! ive met up w my friends that i havent seen in such a long time and ive been such a great host. i invited my 8 girl friend group over and we made spring rolls together and mojitos and got high and played cool board and card games. it was so refreshing. i also invited my closest friend over and we went riding w bikes at night and climbed on the walls surrounding a manor near my home. not sure if legal but we also jumped in their backyard and ran around. it was so beautiful. we also did lots of other fun stuff. i saw poppies! my fav flower. also bats!!! the reflection of the moon on a river was so beautiful. it was so nice that my sister came over for a day too. i saw two of her friends briefly too and they were so nice to me! today ill be going out of my comfort zone a fuck ton too. my friend is hosting her bday party in her countryside home that is far away and i havent even figured out my transportation back. i will stay there for 3 days. loose ends like that used to freak me the fuck out but i think ill be fine. its an old house so it doesnt really allow me to follow all my insane rituals but i think i need to train myself to be okay w it. most ppl are sleeping in tents but i can be in the house bc i literally dont have a tent but that also probably would make me panic a bit too much. too many new things at once isnt good either i think. im actually doing fine. its nice. surprising that ive done things and im doing things and i havent died although most of my life ive literally feared i would. like not yet discussing why i shut down when the guy im seeing tried to be intimate and postponing it for after his trip.. i used to NEVER be able to do that. like i couldnt for the life of me sit w the uncomfortable emotion. like my entire life used to stop until i could regulate through the other person and vocalize it. but now ive just like. organized my brain. and self-soothed myself and i feel safe that he wont immediately leave me just bc of one difficult situation with an ambiguous meaning. and that the issue can be put on pause and when he returns we can talk about it.

[bycelestetsang]

Remy Bazerque on his directing and writing career, culture shocks and more

I want to share the interview series I have been doing for some time. It has kept me motivated on my creative writing journey. The following interview was originally posted here. If you want to get these interviews in the future, subscribe to my newsletter.

Remy Bazerque is an award-winning French writer and director in film, animation and commercials.

[His] work has been screened at international festivals like Flickerfest, Raindance, and the London Film Festival. I've been supported by institutions like the BFI, Film London, and Creative England, and I've earned a Vimeo Staff Pick and a win at the Firefox Flicks competition during the 65th Cannes Film Festival.

Being in the exposure of three cultures has given him its advantages and disadvantages. We talked about how his background affects his work when it is in English, the influences that his directing work has on his novel and vice versa, and so much more.

What are you working on right now?

On the film front, I wrote a pilot for a comedy, and I am going through the kind of querying that you often see in the publishing industry. So I am applying to things, waiting for responses, etc.

I have a script for a feature film that I am working on and off, something personal. As a director, I am also attached to an animation series for adults, something similar to South Park, but it is at the pilot stage now.

As for the novel, it has been about two years since I started working on it. I wrote two full manuscripts, only to realise that I was not happy with both of them. So I started over. This will be my third time right now.

That is a lot of work! Have you ever procrastinated on a project because of hitting roadblocks, as in when you had to start over? How do you usually deal with these roadblocks?

I need to write every day, for a range of reasons. So usually when I hit a roadblock I tend to obsess over it rather than procrastinate. Although it usually doesn't wield much better results. One of the reasons I have a bunch of projects is to precisely have a means of switching to another if one gets blocked, or if one needs a pause. I have my newsletter too.

That is reasonable. I have used the same method to choose if I write my newsletter or novel. It has been quite useful for my creative process too. Where can we find your work online and offline?

You can find my stuff both on my website at www.remybazerque.net or on my Substack. I don't think the offline applies as much here because it is all film stuff essentially and there is always a trace online. When my films are screening in film festivals, you can see them there. But that is not a daily occurrence.

How has being French affects the way you write stories in English? What is the most difficult part of it all?

I think for the novel, it has been more of a psychological block.

When I write for film, I always have the actors in a way as a last proof. They often rephrase the lines anyway to an extent. So when I set myself to write a novel, I simply wasn't sure whether I could do it. In that sense, Substack has been great, it really has helped me a lot to feel more relaxed about this.

On the process itself, I write in English, but it happens here and there that I need to translate a word from French into English to get the exact meaning.

I would think it probably makes the process slower, and there is probably more to edit as well. I wouldn't say it's the most difficult part. I love English and I often think in English. It was more of a psychological wall to get through.

I see. Sometimes I would have to put in a weak verb before I can find a better one. I have a bunch of brackets with my notes in the manuscript. I am procrastinating to find the right words, to say the least. I need to flash out the full manuscript before it takes fives years to finish one.

Does having a Russian wife ever affect how you write or think about stories and directing films, as she brings her cultural influences into your relationship?

I suppose indirectly it does, since she is always one of the first people to read something from me. Subconsciously, her upbringing would bring that influence.

As for world-building, I am already sufficiently culturally confused. I don't need another culture on top of it.

Do you think that the way you direct films influences the way you write scripts and/or novels?

Most certainly, I am a visual storyteller first and foremost. I spent a large portion of my life thinking images.

When I write, I definitely need to visualise things a lot. I have to see how it plays out concretely and I am keen for this visual aspect to present on the page.

I like the idea of a mood, of a visual mood board for a book to make sure to give everything a certain palette, like when we do in film. But I find it a lot less instinctive, I am learning every day when it comes to writing prose.

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How do you usually make it easy for you to visualise things? I have written pages and pages of back story and development as I write. I have also have a little mood board for mine too. The most difficult part is figuring out the timeline and outline.

Images come naturally in my head. But for instance when I make character sheets, there is always some sort of mood board. Sometimes when I am uninspired with a description, I toy around with AI 'art' generation. I play around with images, try different references until I find something usually unexpected that gets my creative juice going.

I find outlining very hard, the feeling of having fun quickly recedes when I spend too much time on that.

Finding the balance between outlining and being spontaneous with the story has proved to be one of the hardest things. Too much time on the outline, I lose my spark. But not spending enough time outlining always lead to problems that pops up later in the manuscript.

In terms of structure, I use my own soup of structure. They are often a mix of different methods. I try not to stick to the same structure, to avoid predictability.

Which one is easier, writing your newsletter, screenplay or novel?

The newsletter. I voluntarily stay away from writing fiction on Substack. The newsletter is more like a column. It relieves the pressure to stay creative a little.

For screenplays, I have these moments of real flow where I am on a roll and I can feel it. It gets easy and smooth. Prose is still quite new to me, so it is definitely the most difficult one to work on.

Which structure do you like the most? Do you ever find yourself leaning towards using your favourite structure?

My basic knowledge in structure is what I learned in La Dramaturgie by Yves Lavandier. I quite like elements from The Seven Basic Plots, at least in the understanding of how our subconscious functions. Bestsellers like Save the Cat, I only find it useful for working on ACT II. I think it is a good one on how to approach a second act, which is quite tricky. So I pick elements from here and there. Sometimes I do something specifically against the logic of the structure to create an element of surprise.

About Save the Cat, it literally only teaches you how to write a Redemption type of storyline. Even though there are plenty of other story structures.

I think at the end of the day, some extremely well structured films/books succeed, some fail. Some completely unstructured books/films succeed. There is no recipe with structure. Sometimes it all comes together and sometimes it doesn't.

Which work of yours do you like the most, among different mediums?

That would probably be my latest short film Leave to Remain. I think the tone is very much my style and it manages to talk about quite a tricky subject (immigration) in a tongue-in-cheek tone, which is sort of the essence of what I am doing in films. I like the idea of laughing about the tricky subjects.

I can definitely see the tongue-in-cheek style in your newsletter. Very easy and fun to read!

Is there anything, culture-wise, that is shocking to you when you come across three cultures, French, English and Russian regularly?

I am always shocked at the profound difference between a Brit on weekdays and weekends. The most uptight ones turn into hurricanes on Friday and Saturday night with enough booze. And then on Monday morning, they are back to being so polite with each other. I worked in a pub for years before university, so I served a lot of alcohol and saw my fair share of binge drinking. It is quite frightening.

As for Russians, it always seem that they are yelling into each other's faces. I am always worried that my wife is arguing with her parents, but in fact they are often just talking about the weather. French is a pretty quiet language. Italians yell at each other a lot as well, actually.

As for French, I am appalled sometimes at the snootiness of my fellow Frenchmen sometimes. The most snooty people that I have ever met in film were always French. It made me slightly uncomfortable in some instances.

Can you give writers advice on writing their first movie script?

When you find something you care for deeply, something you want to talk about. Make sure to identify it, nurture it and protect it. Because if you are lucky and your script gets made, you will be inundated by a deluge of contradictory feedback, and you must have a strong anchor in you to know what you are fighting for, and what your story is about. If you can't find that strong anchor, move on to the next idea.

Interesting. I guess it can apply to novels too. Contradictory feedback would often be there when writers start querying.

Totally, or even from beta readers.

Can you give my readers a creative challenge?

Why not try and be proud for once? Stick to your guns, don't listen to everyone. Act like Dali would.

If you find this useful, subscribe to my newsletter for more <3

[piecesofgzaltan]

The whole chapter 35 :

Miracle can happen - I finished the chapter 35 of Digital Chronicles. It's been long, I went from no color to all full color (because no color is so sad). Long pause between some pages because a lot of work with others projects (as publishing two comics all by myself and working on my next ones). But still, I love doing the Digimon comics and I can't wait to begin the next one. AND THE NEXT ONE, A WHOLE NEW ARC ! Yes, because I began the arc of the dinosaur country a long, long, VERY LONG TIME AGO, 2018 something like that. There was the intro, the Piximon fight, the fight against these two mysterious human girls, the meeting with Centarumon, the fight against Tyrannomon, and then, the adventure in the Speedy time zone (with METEORMON <3). The new arc, let's spoil a tiny bit, will change stuff, in the group, in the "friendship", some old characters will come back, and a lot of surprises will happen, I promise ! How long would be the next arc in time of making ? Let's say if I finish it on ten years, I would be happy ... sorry to be that long.

And yes, one day, a translation would happen, one day. Someday ...

Thanks to everyone who follow my little frenchy comic-book about Digimon World.