#so it's like I see myself way too much in Raph

[beeceit]

it makes me so sad how Raph sets himself on a different level from his brothers when he's having a big protective moment, even in more comedic episodes. I actually had to pause the screen and yell for a minute watching Pizza Puffs when he said "but they're just kids" bc it's like RAPH BABY BOY YOU ARE ONE YEAR OLDER YOU ARE ALSO JUST KIDS. But the worst part is that it's not really something anyone else seems to expect of him, it's something he puts on himself. Like, no one ever tells him he's supposed to fix everything. The boys look to him first because he's the leader, but that also seems to be self appointed. He's way too relatable and it breaks me. Like, I'll be watching and be like "Ah, yeah, big sibling moment. I'm like that, too" and then getting hit with the emotional equivalent of a frying pan bc he SHOULDN'T be as relatable as he is to me. I'm an actual adult and the age difference between me and my brothers are 6 years and 20 years. I just want to wrap this boy in 30 blankets and give him a day off. He makes himself responsible for way more than a teen ever should

[purpledisastertwin900]

For all of the “Raph raised himself AND his brothers” fans out there I bring this train wreck of a thought (I’m a lil sleepy so sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if I repeat myself a lot-)

We do not in fact have any actual evidence that splinter was neglectful to the boys when they were little. In fact, we have the opposite.

All of these flashbacks indicate that Splinter acc spent a LOT of time with his boys-

With Mikey, he was obviously coached in his art, a smol child can’t paint like that no matter how talented they are so we can see that splinter put in the time/effort to get Mikey the supplies and teach him how to do it well. Which probably means he researched and learned it himself first, idk I just can’t really see Yoshi knowing how to paint/draw that well but that’s just a theory.

With raph and Leo, their lemonade stand is structurally sound: obviously not put together by an 8 year old, and there’s a lotta lemons lyin around that were probably a bit difficult to find, and just LOOK at their faces here they are definitely familiar with this kind of father/son shenaniganizing-also just LOOK at raph. That’s a happy child, one full of excitement and happiness, not a kid who had to grow up too fast. Also his dad is literally right there in the picture

And then with Donnie, I can’t really tell what he’s doing in the background (it’s a bomb) but what i take from that screenshot is that Donnie feels safe/loved enough to come to Splinter when he gets hurt. And Splinters taking care of him!! And, Donnie is wearing clothes, which shows that he went out and got clothes for them but also didn’t force the boys to wear them if they didn’t want to (see other screenshots lol) which also goes to show that he lets his boys choose who they wanna be and what they wanna do. At any point he could’ve forced all of them to train as ninja, at any point he could’ve made clothes mandatory, and at any point he could’ve forced them to drop things that made them happy like skating or science or art but nah. He was supportive every step of the way.

Now am I saying he was perfect? No. Am I saying he couldn’t have done anything better? No. What I’m saying is that Raph acc did not have to raise himself and his brothers. Splinter acc gave them a pretty good childhood, all things considered and it kinda makes me sad when ppl bash Rise Splinter or continue the neglectful parent trope. Again, I’m not saying he did everything right, he def could have spent more time with his kids on an individual basis and he should’ve been more present, but let’s cut him some slack bc he did a really good job at raising the boys. And he got so much better as the show progressed! But that’s another post lol. I’m also not trying to take away Raphs oldest sibling syndrome, he still def has that from being the leader and watching his bros while splinter was away-I’m just saying he didn’t have to do it ALL alone.

Look in the end he’s doing his best and his best was really good for what they had. He’s a good dad, he’s not neglectful.

[somerandomdudelmao]

Hey !! I hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself !!

So I'm a new reader (sorta, I've known of your work for a while now but only recently started reading your comic; plus I'm starting from ep 16 and going backwards) BUT I wanted to mention something I observed while reading the last few strips:

Usually in TMNT media, Mikey is always sorta perceived as the baby, right? The one that has to be protected regardless of how strong he is or how much he does but to me it feels like you've managed to make Mikey his own entity, like he's finally his own person outside of his brother's perception of him and it borderline hurts.

I'm so used to reading media where you kinda always know that, at the very least, Mikey is going to be okay because his brothers are right there. By his side, not letting him slip up- they're a safety net that's always there, regardless of anything but in your comic it's almost like that safety net is gone and at any moment the Krang could take his life just like Raph and just like Donnie.

It's almost like a horror story compared to the way most media of Mikey presents him. It's thrilling and I love it. I don't know if you perceive it like this or feel similarly, I'd love to know your thoughts!! I'm just getting into this whole universe you've created so I could be misinterpreted a lot but rn that's how I'm seeing things :0

Thanks for reading and for your amazing work !! <3

Oh I like that question. So!

About Mikey. There are two reasons

First off, I don't really understand the general tendency to make him a cute little kid with big puppy dog eyes (and endless therapy potential...I guess??). I mean, yeah, it's part of his image, but it's not his essence. In the canon he's a mischievous gremlin who is too trusting and straightforward and has a high level of empathy for his family (not always though haha) and almost zero for the rest of the world.

At least that's how I see him :)

Secondly, I have a younger brother myself. And "oooh he's so adorable and cute I need to protect him all the time" is NOT how I look at him. That's how our parents look at him. Not me

[yorshie]

Hiya! This was an ask on AO3, thought I'd upload it over here as well just to keep everything even. I couldn’t keep myself from making it a continuation of the turtles fav clothes ask.

Bayverse TMNT X Fem Reader

SFW, though apparently I was in the mood to write the turtles falling over themselves so it's a bit suggestive.

Donnie

Donnie landed a little bit harder than he meant to on the roof of your building, catching sight of the sheet and projector a little too late and assuming someone was already using the space. He ducked in an unconscious effort to hide, knowing it was folly, only to pop back up at the sound of your giggle.

“Love?” He asked, looking around, sure he had heard you.

“Hey baby. You ready for our date?” Your voice came from the far side of the sheet, and he snorted in amusement as the fabric gave a little shimmying ripple.

“Is that what you’ve been planning?” He asked, taking careful steps towards the chairs set either side of the projector. When you didn’t answer his snout swung around curiously, but the only other things he could see was a cooler set up as a coffee table with a few styrofoam containers up top. “Baby?”

“Here.” You called back, and he blinked at the low curse that followed. “Just- having technical difficulties.”

He smiled, starting for the sheet. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re dating a technical tu-” He cut off with a choke, stalling at the sight of your bare back presented to him, your hands trying in vain to reach the zipper that was getting caught on a bit of…

His eyes trailed down, taking in the way the city lights glittered off the purple sequins covering your dress, a small, strangled noise escaping his throat at just how much of your legs were not covered.

“It was suppose to be a surprise.” You half whined, pouting at him over your shoulder, and your words reseted him, his eyes trailing back up your back to give you a strained smile.

“I- It’s very surprising.” He blushed at the break in his voice, but when you only giggled he took a step closer, hands hesitantly raising towards your own. “Can… I can help?”

“Please.” You asked, dropping your hands and arching your spine to hold the fabric taunt.

Donnie tried his hardest not to touch or think about the soft skin beside the zipper, straightening the little piece of metal and pulling it seamlessly upwards until it reached the little latch at the top. “There.” He stepped away quickly, rubbing his thumbs against the side of his first finger in an effort to keep them grounded and to himself.

“Thank you.” You murmured quietly, turning slowly to show him the full outfit. “What do you think?”

Donnie’s head tilted, looking you over, taking in the high collar and the swish of sequins as you moved. The dress was a beautiful dark purple, jewel toned and looking more like it belonged on a fun trip around town, not cooped up on a roof with him. “You’re beautiful.” He said softly, flicking his gaze up towards your face. “Absolutely beautiful.”

You smiled at him, reached forward and clasped his hands, lifting one to twirl yourself around and closer into his arms. “I got Chinese food.” You whispered up at him, grinning. “And those grape sodas you love so much.”

Donnie swallowed, golden hazel eyes caught on the way your eyes bloomed when you looked at him, and quietly let go of the anxiety that said you were better off without him. “That sounds amazing.” He said instead, twirling you back out and following in a small side step dance that let him see the way the sequins covering your dress caught the light. “Maybe we could dance for a bit, first, though?”

Your answering laugh was bright and happy, and his heart soared at the sound.

Raph

A locked down arcade was not the place Raph expected to roll up on when you asked him to meet you somewhere not your apartment, but he wasn’t alarmed until your text said to walk in the front door like he owned the place.

Not knowing what to expect, half his mind worrying you’d been abducted and this was a plot to corner him without backup, he nervously turned on the cctv jammer Donnie had given each of them and cautiously walked inside.

The game lights were still on, soft 80s rock filtering through the speakers, and he stalled, not quite sure what was going on exactly.

“Hey there, tiger.” He turned sharply towards your voice, hackles rising when he couldn’t’ immediately pick out your location before relaxing as your crinkled eyes peeked over a tall pony wall. “Glad you found the place ok.”

He huffed, feeling that adrenaline slowly seep back, unconsciously returning his sai to their proper place. “Jesus, baby, give me a heart attack why don’t ya.” He raised a brow at the high pitched giggle you gave in answer, mind flipping to the gutter in an instant. “Whatcha doin’ over there?” He asked lowly, taking a step closer when you skipped away further down the wall. 

“Nu uh, you stay right there, I’m coming over.” You insisted, and he heard the click of heels on the polished comment floor. He followed the bob of your hair around the corner, smile faltering when you reappeared and he caught sight of what you were wearing.

“Uh…” He trailed off, eyes locked on the swish of the red skirt and the frothy petticoat peeking with every swaying step. “Damn.” 

He kept enough of his head to whistle long and low when you did a twirl for him, but in truth the only thing he could think of was how this was the most girly thing he’d ever seen you in, and he loved it,

“That good, huh?” You asked cheekily, and he was surprised by the instinctual rumble that escaped him as you stepped within arms reach, his hand snagging out quick as a flash to catch your own. 

Real good, but he made his mouth say something else. “You dressed up for me?” He twirled you around again, eyes darting between your face and the swirl of the skirt. When you faced him once more, his free hand dipped, fluffed the bottom of the skirt just to watch the arcade lights reflect on the color.

You laughed, walking backwards, holding onto his large hand when it became clear he was too busy staring to watch his feet. “I thought I could demolish you at the motorcycle games and then we could eat some burgers.”

He almost didn’t hear her words, head dipping to indicate his agreement, before a few syllables made it past the *Skirt* filter and he stopped hard again.

“Motorcycle?” He asked, tearing his eyes away to look for the mentioned game, before returning to your skirt. “You… you’re gonna play in that?”

You smirked, stepping back into his space to tap a finger against his plastron. “I’m gonna kick your ass in this.”

You thought he was broken for a long moment, before a sound ripped out of him. Expecting the deep rumble your teasing usually got, you were shocked to hear a high pitched chirp that you’d heard Donnie or Mikey let loose, every once in a while, but never from your boyfriend in red. 

A visceral shot of panic lanced through Raph’s chest at the slow, understanding smile you leveled at him in answer.

Leo

Leo navigated onto the small balcony outside your apartment with ease, brow furrowing when he noticed all the lights were off, only the flicker of candles on the kitchen island to great him. He opened the door silently, stepping inside with a deep breath. 

Only the scent of you and the scented candles greeted him however, and it eased him enough to call out. “Darling?” 

“Here, babe!” Came your voice from your bathroom, and his shoulders loosened, hands coming up to undo his harness and set his swords against the wall next to the balcony door. “Give me just a minute.”

He hummed in acknowledgement, not really sure if you could hear the low sound, before he stepped towards the table to take in the plates and cups set out in a neat array, belted napkins folded over the clean ceramic. “Are you setting up for something?”

“Well, if you must know,” came your amused voice, “I was planning on surprising you with dinner. It’s keeping warm in the oven.”

“It’s a very welcome surprise.” He assured you, crossing over to the oven and opening the door a little to peer in at the aluminum foil packages inside. “What is it?”

“Your favorite.” You called back, and his heart pinged softly at your words, one hand reaching inside to try and peek at the biggest dish.

“Hey, what happened to patience?” Came your teasing voice from right behind him, and he smiled, hand retreating and closing the oven while turning to give you his attention.

“I was just peek-“ He trailed off, and you smiled at the way he blinked long and slow at the sight of you posing at the edge of the hallway leading to the bathroom and your bedroom in a blue dress whose length kissed the floor.

“Blue?” You asked, taking a step closer. “You ok?”

He took a step closer abruptly, herding you back until your back hit the corner where the kitchen transitioned into the next room, arms coming up to softly touch the silky midnight fabric that he swore matched his eyes better than his mask. 

“Where’d you get this?” His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, thumb rubbing across your hip in a way that would read as absent minded if not for the sharp precision in his gaze.

“Found it on sale.” You whispered it to him, hands skating along his arms. “Judging by this reaction, I’d say it was a good gut purchase.”

“Very good.” He agreed, finally moving from your space only to clasp your hand with his own and pull you further into the living room. “You look beautiful.”

“Beautiful in blue?” You guessed, teasing gently as he raised your clasped hands and convinced you to twirl for him. A rough sound punched out of him when he saw how low the back dipped, a long tailed bow that was familiar hiding the top of the zipper at the base of your spine.

“Beautiful in anything.” He explained, “but especially in blue.”

You chuckled low at the feeling of his other hand sneaking in to press right above the bow. “We should probably eat, then, before the food gets cold, and then maybe we could bust out the playlist and dance for a while.”

He tilted his head, and you could tell he was considering convincing you to just skip dinner, but you purposefully nabbed the little placard from the restaurant that was sitting on the island, placed it under his nose until he could focus on the name embossed across the little card. 

“That’s evil.” He said, tearing his eyes away from the two words, and you laughed out loud at the pout that crossed his lips.

Angelo

Mikey wasn’t expecting anything fancy, though he knew you were planning something. There were too many questions in the text chain the last couple of days, too many times you’d double checked his preference for something or the other to be anything but a surprise. He looked forwards to it gleefully, especially when he got the text asking him to come over Friday night. 

You weren’t anywhere to be found when he let himself into the small place you called your own, shucking his backpack and chucks noisily and whistling so you’d hear him. A white box sitting on the coffee table with a well known bakery logo stamped across the top had him audibly swallowing, fingers itching to get ahold of whatever confections he hoped was hiding inside.

He must have made some instinctual noise, because a light giggle floated through the apartment, and he tilted his head, grinning as he heard you moving around in your bedroom.

“My, what great pastries you’ve got here, babes.” He called, hopping over the back of your couch and snagging the box.

“The better to tempt you with.” You called in a sing song manner, and he hummed in agreement, listening to the sound of your feet carrying you closer as he chose one of the chocolate filled varieties and bit into it with a little sound of enjoyment.

You snorted, from the kitchen now he thought, and listened as you shut something in the microwave before hitting a few buttons. “Save some room for the pizza, Angelo, it should be here any minute.”

“Ooo, baby, you spoil me rotten.” He set the box back on the table, used his free arm to roll himself back over the couch and landed with a thud. “M comin’ to help you with those fizzy orange drinks.”

“How’d you know I got those?” You sounded amused despite the accusation, and he grinned as he rounded the corner into the little kitchen.

“Cuz my baby always gets-” He cut off, pastry halfway to his mouth, eyes bugging at the little orange velvet loungewear you were wearing.

As if you could hear his eyes popping out of his skull, you threw a smile over your shoulder from where you were stretching up towards the top of the cabinet. “Hey, babe, come give me a hand?” 

Mikey stuck the whole pastry into his mouth and crowded you against the counter, hands proffered to show you that he in fact, had two he could offer you. 

You snorted, pointing upwards with a smirk. “The popcorn bowl, Mike. I can’t reach it.”

His eyes were slow to tear away from the two large collar and the way it slipped off one shoulder, baby blues flicking to your eyes before following the extended finger to the large metal bowl on the top shelf. 

“Mm, ye~ I cef gef che thef.” He swallowed, tongue all but shoving the pastry down the hatch, before he reached up without moving and snagged the bowl easily. “Here ya go, one bowl retrieved.” 

You tried to hide the smile at the fact that he was still all but trapping you against the counter. “Angelo?”

“Yeah babes?” He asked, eyes back to being glued on the little strip of stomach he could see between the matching top and bottom.

“You gotta move so I can get the popcorn.” You explained, popping one hip out and smothering a laugh when his eyes jumped to the movement.

“Uh huh. Popcorn. Right.” He said, fumbling to set the bowl down with one hand and snagging one of yours with the other.

When he made no further move, you rolled your eyes fondly and pushed lightly on his plastron. “Baby. Popcorn. Then cuddles?”

“Cuddles?” He parroted the word, and it was like the synapses fired correctly that time, because he all but jumped to complete the task to get one step closer to the reward.

You chuckled fondly, turning to the fridge to retrieve the ‘fizzy orange soda’, pretending not to hear the chirp behind you when he obviously saw what you were doing.

[cambion-companion]

Hi, hope you're okay! Can I please request Thirst part 2 (it was simply outstanding🥵), or something like Raph and Tav trying for a baby, while Haarlep is being unhelpful and a menace ("You're having a sex marathon without me??")🫣🙏🏻

Yes, I am finally caving and doing this (rolls up sleeves).

Raphael x f!reader (recently had a baby and trying for another) | Smut

Part One here

Raphael stood in the darkened doorway, his eyes as molten magma, examining how you fed your baby.

The tender caress of a mother. Your hands holding the little bundle close to your chest.

It stirred something within him, something he'd buried and repressed until not a ghost of it remained. Until now.

"Come, I grow weary of waiting for you." Raphael curled his tail around your ankle, the possessive movement familiar in its demand. "Finish quickly with your child and return to me."

"Our child." You reminded the cambion, your tone holding a chiding edge. You were careful not to overstep, the fragile agreement of you keeping the baby here hung over your head like sword held by crystal thread.

"Now." Raphael tugged at your ankle before removing his tail and departing to the boudoir.

You shushed your child as they made a soft gurgle and coo. Knowing better than to test Raphael's patience further, you tucked your baby in and softly exited the makeshift nursery, walking on silent feet back to where you could feel him waiting.

It had been a shock when Raphael had allowed you to stay in his house after giving birth. However, he had become withdrawn somewhat, going out more than staying in and leaving you alone to fend for yourself and the newborn.

You entered the boudoir carefully, looking around at the dark room, the air a little too warm even in the night. Raphael stood at the arching window, looking out at the deep red landscape.

You could tell by his tense shoulders and the way he held his wings something was on his mind. You approached, laying a careful hand on his arm. "Are you alright?" Try as you might to fight it, the emotions you held for this devil went beyond fondness.

Raphael turned to you, encircling an arm about your waist and pulling you to him. He bent, his massive form folding around your much smaller body, and kissed you. It was demanding, his teeth and tongue pulling sounds of surprise and pleasure from your mouth.

With a click of his fingers, Raphael magicked away your clothing, his hands quickly covering where the fabric had been.

When he began backing you toward the bed, you found your voice. "Raphael, it's too soon." Your protests were weak even to your own ears, and Raphael pushed you onto your back upon his luxurious mattress.

He stood over you for a moment, his eyes raking from head to toe. "Months have passed wherein I have been denying myself the luxury of your body." He moved over you and peppered bruising kisses to your neck. "No longer."

"Raphael-"

"Hush." Raphael took hold of your hips and rolled so you were now on top of him, straddling his broad torso. He leaned up and bit at your shoulder, holding you between his teeth for a long moment. "You are mine." The growling sound he made sent a shiver of desire straight to your womb and sent fleeing any remaining reservations.

Your whimper was swallowed as his mouth slanted over yours again and Raphael kissed you with such fervor it stole your breath away.

When he withdrew, it was to see you panting with dilated pupils and heaving chest.

"Good." He murmured and trailed a single sharp finger down your throat, along your collarbone, to cup the swell of your breast. He squeezed gently, watching as the white milk pilled against his rich red skin.

Raphael's other hand tugged your hair back, bending you as he dragged his tongue up your navel and to the breast he held. You squirmed in his grip as he swirled around your nipple, taking it into his hot mouth and sucking down several languid mouthfuls of your milk.

"Hells." You moaned, beginning to rock your hips upon his ridged thighs. "Leave some for my baby."

"Our baby." Raphael corrected, sending another wave of pleasure straight through you. "I promised to keep you ripe and bare within my bed." He took your other breast into his mouth, his hands smoothing along your skin to support you by your upper back while he drank.

When his mouth came away, it was coated with a fine film of white liquid. He kissed you again and left the sweetness upon your own tongue as well. "And I always keep my promises."

[oracleact]

« nothing on me »

bayverse raph x reader / fluff + angst

notes: 1.8k words, first person pov, established relationship, gender neutral reader (no pronouns used,) details of injuries and tending to said injuries.

a knock on the window at 3am? that only means one thing: the turtles are here. smiling, I rub the remnants of sleep from my eyes and hop out of bed to open up the curtain. only one turtle faces me at the window though - raphael.

I open the window and help his wide frame step down from the ledge, but my previous smile fades fast when raph groans in pain as he steps onto the floor.

“raph, what’s wrong? where are the rest of the boys? what happened?” I speak as fast as possible to try and get to his answer, worry eating away at me with each second that passes.

my raph is the mass strength and rough hand amongst the turtles. he can handle a lot of damage since he always manages to deal out more than what is done onto him. seeing him bent over, actually using my arm for support and not simply holding me because he wants to, groaning in genuine pain rather than letting out his usual gruff noises of acknowledgment - that scares me. it terrifies me when I don’t know what has happened.

“I told them to check on dad,” he begins breathlessly, “I needed you. it’s really bad this time.”

my eyes widen and I hurry him to the side of my bed, the mattress creaking under his weight. I grasp his face in my hands to check him over, turning his head every which way, but see nothing apart from a few new scratches on his skin.

“what do you mean ‘really bad,’ raph? you’re scaring me.”

“my—“ he lifts his arm and tries to reach for the back of his shell, failing miserably and almost howling out in pain, “my shell, sweetheart. I haven’t seen it yet but I heard it crack and this pain is too much for it to just be taped up.”

I scuttle around his large form and am immediately hit with the sight of a deep crack in the middle of his shell. he was right to come straight to me with this one. he should always come to me with injuries but is too stubborn most of the time and rides out the pain: ‘it may look bad to you but it’s nothing on me.’

when the boys started to properly use their skills outside of the lair, with the risk of larger injuries increasing, I began to research and teach myself how to handle ones specific to these mutants. thanks to many in depth articles about turtle care, I have safely cleaned and covered up small cracks before. the only difference between the boys and ‘normal’ turtles in regards to care like this is their size - it takes longer and requires more focus to clean cracks, ensuring that they can heal appropriately over time. although tonight’s damage will take double that, and maybe more.

“oh raph, oh my…how? wait, don’t answer that. I’m doing my first aid stuff then we can talk about it, okay?” he nods with a sad smile and all I can do is reach out and cup his cheek, returning the expression he gave me. he moves my hand to his lips for a quick kiss before I start scurrying off to grab what I need.

let’s see - chlorohexidine solution, q-tips, cotton pads, adhesive patches and a towel. is that all I need? I have no idea right now; I’m so scared to touch him that I feel like stalling for as long as I can.

I walk slowly back to where he sits on the edge of my bed, his head resting in one hand as the other rubs at his tired eyes. I lay down all that I grabbed from the bathroom before taking a deep breath and sitting down behind him. the room is silent for a couple of minutes after that, my heart beating loudly in my ears. I can’t break my anxious stare away from the crack in his beautiful carapace.

“hey…” raph speaks ever so softly to get my attention.

“yeah— sorry. I’m sorry,” I feel tears begin to form in my eyes. I hate seeing him hurt like this. “I’m going to fix you up. I promise I’ll fix this. I’ll touch around your shell, away from the crack, and you tell me how it feels. let me know how much the pain has spread.”

he gestures ‘yes’ to me but with a frowned brow, “don’t cry, love. everything is okay. I’m raphael, remember? this is nothing on me!”

but I can see it - I can see the pain written on his face, the way his eyes look misty. I don’t want to push him to talk nor do I want to directly acknowledge the pain I can see; I don’t want to break his protective wall at a time like this. it wouldn’t be fair to do so. I wipe my tears and get straight to work instead.

my small hand reaches out for him, gently patting around the edges of his shell then smoothing over the surface, “that’s not bad at all. it just feels tingly, like the nice kind of tingly you give me.” I giggle at him. it’s a relief that the shell hasn’t shattered or anything and he can feel my hand like always.

I’ve spent so many nights tracing over the faint patterns of his plastron and committing the texture to memory. it helps calm him after a stressful training day or when he can’t sleep. it secretly calms me too because it’s just us in those moments, the rest of the world fading away and leaving only raph and I. there’s no need to jump away from my hold to save new york when my touch melts away the city completely. nothing can break us out of that warm paradise as long as we are together.

despite the touch test going well, the cleaning of his wounds will definitely be painful since the crack is open and noticeable. I pour some of the solution onto a q-tip and tell raph to start breathing slowly and deeply. I help him set a pace for it before I begin to clean.

he hisses in pain when the piece of cotton comes in contact with the wound and my tears start to flow again, “I know baby, but this part is important,” I sniffle and reach my free hand for his, “use me to balance yourself.”

“I’ll break your little hand,” there is a fracture in his voice as he speaks but he still manages to let out a chuckle with his words.

“breathe and squeeze, raph, don’t worry about me.”

and so he did - each time I dipped the cotton into the crack he inhaled and exhaled quickly whilst grasping my hand in his. I rubbed my thumb over his rough skin in an attempt to ground us both over and over again.

“one last clean and then I’ll patch it up and be done for tonight.” he lets out a loud sigh at that, obviously glad that the stinging will be over soon. I hear him lowly whimper but force a cough after in an attempt to hide the noise. once again I don’t press him on it, I just kiss the back of his hand to let him know it’s alright.

the last step is to cut adhesive patches to fit the crack, making sure to leave small gaps at the ends to allow air to flow through. this process isn’t all that different from putting a bandaid on a human arm, and thank goodness for that. I want to do everything I can to help raph, to ease his pain, so this being a somewhat ‘easy’ task to complete means luck is on my side right now.

with the last piece secure I get up from the bed to face him again, giving him a small smile to let him know it’s done. I slip myself between his legs and reach out to untie his bandana. his eyes close as he presses his head onto my chest to give me access to the tie at the back.

sliding the cloth from his face, I set it on the bed and wipe underneath his eyes; he looks so worn out. my fingers move down to draw along the scars from previous battles and to check over any new cuts, the pad of my thumb eventually landing on the most prominent scar across his upper lip. my raph, my hero, our hero…with the scars to prove it all.

“give it a week and see how the shell starts to heal. if we need to do more then I’m ready for that. I’ve done my research, you’re looking at a certified mutant turtle nurse,” I wink at him as he laughs and nuzzles further into my hold.

he looks up at me with those gorgeous eyes, the light of the moon catching in them. he may be hurt but he’s here with me and healing in my arms, and I’ll hold this man forever to show him how much he means to me. he’s looking at me in the same way - in awe of what’s in front of him - both of us dumbly grinning at each other. although, he does break eye contact when a yawn suddenly comes bursting out.

“do you want to talk about what happened, or do you want to catch some z’s first?”

“hmm…as much as I want to tell you about how much of a badass I am, I really want to crash.”

he moves to lay on his back before I catch his shoulders with high pitched squeak, “shell!” I whisper-yell at him. his lips form an ‘o’ and I shake my head. only raph could forget about his injuries that quickly.

I slip into the bed first and hold out my arms, beckoning him to follow and to lay on his stomach. he does so almost instantly, getting comfy against me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

“thank you for everything. I trust you with my life, you know.”

“and I trust you with mine, big red.”

I’m seemingly stuck staring down at him, just in stupid awe once more. watching how his eyes are effortlessly closed, evident that he is exhausted, with a faint smile playing on his lips as he shifts around to find the best snoozing position. his shell is now what catches the attention of the moon and I feel satisfied with my work on the crack. I’m still worried but the patch looks good and secure from afar so I’ll take it for it now.

I’m so happy that this brave and unstoppable mutant turtle trusts me with his open wounds, with his physical and emotional scars, with his love and being. this life of ours is crazy in so many ways but I wouldn’t ask for anything to change. well, less wounds here and there would be nice but that might be asking for too much.

[nerves-nebula]

Why does Splinter get Raph a turtle?

OH GOODIE a fun ask!

some abusive parents are truly dedicated to the grindset of being awful to their kids. they only get them gifts for shitty reasons, or they never get them gifts at all. but a lot of abusive parents aren't like that, a lot of them think of themselves as pretty good parents. splinter convinces himself that most of his abuse is more about raising his kids right and less about how it makes him feel powerful and in charge. he does things that he thinks a good parent/teacher SHOULD do.

so sometimes he gets them gifts. if he was going to get anyone a pet, it would be raph. he thinks raph can handle an extra responsibility. mikey is too irresponsible, donnie's too weak and neither of them deserve it anyway. and as much as he likes buying Leo's affection and admiration, he doesn't want Leo to dote over something like a pet. he doesn't want leo to be "distracted" by it to the detriment of his studies. (really tho he doesnt want something that leo can love unconditionally but he wouldn't admit that to himself fsdfsdF)

he probably didnt go out looking for a gift for raph but it likely came at a good time. maybe raph bested leo in sparring, maybe raphs just been pretty on top of things for a bit. or maybe Leo failed at something and splinter wants to rub it in more by rewarding his second favorite kid and making Leo think he could lose his place as The Best One :)

(crucially Splinter is not really aware of the abusive reasoning, he's more going off of vibes here. like, he's thinking that he's "motivating leo" rather than "scaring leo by making him think he's replaceable" cuz to him Raph could never actually succeed in usurping Leo as favorite. but Leo doesn't know that.)

as for where he got the turtle, idk, the trash? pancake turtles are expensive but maybe a rich asshole threw it out or something once they decided turtles sucked and were lame.

splinter saw a turtle in the trash and was like "this cannot be a coincidence" like in that kind of way where you don't necessarily believe in fate or anything but you see something and ur like well shit. i can't NOT involve myself in this it's like. super relevant to me in a hyper specific way. also he thinks its funny to give a turtle to a turtle as a pet.

long answer but i hope that covers everythinggg

[shroomaz]

First Encounters with the Disaster Twins

A/N: I wanted to try something new- by NO MEANS am I a writer but I'm trying to tap into the turtle-ness that are these brothers. SO I thought why not for a start do a READER first encounter? I rushed Donnie's story a bit but that's because I had to do some things today...enjoy!

💜DONNIE - (ROOFTOP...at night...half rescue-) 

You were on top of the roof admiring the scenery, frustrated at the troubles of the day. It wasn't your fault that you had the computer stolen, Kendra and her purple dragons managed to get their grubby hands on it, and then you were blamed for losing it.

You swore that you would get it one way or another, however, you never thought of a plan for it...

You were drowning in the scene so much that you had no awareness to what was going on...in other words, you were called "too emotional" for your own good, not that it was your fault. Just the overall scenery and quietness made everything much more vibrant...until you heard the sound of a crash. You turned your head and looked over to where the sound had come from; down in the alley.

Rushing; you had gone to see what it was.

Then it all came to you, there they were - the Purple Dragons.

You scowled at the very look on Kendra's smug little face.

Kendra was about to speak before getting bumped on the head with what seemed to be a metal part....wow. Is she okay??? It seems like her henchmen were thinking the same thing.

Whilst they were dragging her away hoping that she was at least ALIVE, you look up to see something floating around the buildings unevenly. Quickly grabbing the metal piece that fell, you rush your way in the direction the figure went.

Not even caring about the dragons that would soon follow you.

Climbing your way up the building's stairs, you lay your eyes upon a turtle with a purple shell and purple bandana. Looking frustrated and seemingly fixated on something. "All that I told Nardo to do- was leave the controls alone and nothing would happen. And what does he do? Touch. My. Things..." his eye twitches from the thought...and hissing too. "And great...I'm missing something! Round of applause anyone? Anyone?...Ah great now I'm talking to myself. I'm becoming Raph." He visibly shivered at the thought as he gave himself a slight face palm.

You couldn't help but try to make your way out of the situation, in shock that a turtle is even capable of moving like that, that tall and that smart and can TALK???? Its like something from a Jupiter Jim movie.

You took a step back but you missed your footing and tripped backwards.

"GAHHH---!!" You cried in terror as you- ya know- nearly fell to your death at 115 ft. But your body was grabbed by four claws that dragged you up.

Unknowingly, you were squirming to get out.

"Fear not dear fellow human, for I am but your most excellent SAVIOR!" he gloats to himself. "Against my tech, you are unable to break free from my heroic grasp from. Yours truly: Othello Von Ryan!" He gloats again, seems like he's trying to show how smart he is.

"....Othello Von Ryan?" you looked up at him confused. "Is that your name-"

"I-" he opened his eyes and raised his eyebrow with his arms slightly crossed. "Do you have a problem with that?" he questioned you.

".....No?" You squeaked out to him.

The Turtle seemed to bring his attention over to the piece that you had in your hand. His eyes glimmering. He looked so happy! So content in passion.

"Hey...you found the piece! That's what I'm looking for!" he exclaimed.

His claws put you down so that you could walk towards him and give him the piece. "Was this yours?" You asked handing him the metal part.

"More or less... it's for something very precious of mine.-" He looks He takes the piece before you both get surprised by the Purple Dragons. Kendra seemed to hiss when she saw the turtle.

"Get them Jas!" she had her "brother" try to take care of the situation with his invention that seemed to be in the form of a spider. "Get Donnie this time! Make yourself of use!" I mean- she's angry cause she got hit on the head with a metal part... it's understandable.

Suddenly you feel a hand wrap around your waist along with the turtle saying. "Hang on!!" You grip on without thinking before the turtle's purple shell grows to drone-like wings and starts hovering to get the two of you away from the situation.

"Donnie huh...?" you thought to yourself looking up at the softshell. 

🩵LEO - (IT WAS A RESCUE...it was by accident-)

You were walking back home from work.

It wasn't most ideal but your car had been in an accident so you had no way of transportation...and crime was spiking, so you had already made up your mind to not take a cab. However, this was fine, you made sure to stay on the right shortcut home and that there was a light where you went...and above all, you had your BEATING STICK! +lucky charm.

(insert sparkling image of a dinky self-defense weapon here...along with the charm of your choice.)

What could go wrong?

Is what you said to yourself....but it was too late--

Suddenly; a glowing blue light appeared from above. Looking up to see what it was- your fight or flight response immediately made you leap across the street when a mutant hippo came crashing down with a mutant turtle following behind.

"HOHOO--- BOYY!" the turtle in blue started to exclaim as he came crashing down into the pavement on the Hippo.

"Blasted! You teleported me away from the 'Cards of Devant'! Curse you turtle! What is it that I possibly have to do to get you turtles off my hide." The hippo cursed at the red-eared slider in an accent, floating rings surrounding him.

"You're telling me...I could be catching my beauty-zs right now, but you have to try to get your tricky fingers on those magical cards-!"

The turtle was using his odachi to create more portals to deflect the spinning rings coming at him; you were too stunned to speak- but you tried your best to sneak away until you heard a snort from the hippo mutant. You slowly made eye contact...and then awkwardly smiled.

The hippo seemed to give a grin.

"Eh? Whatcha looking at-- ohhhh boy..." the turtle looked in your direction too. How could he have not seen you before- he didn't know but all he could do was try to play cool.

It was only then that the turtle knew what to do. He couldn't stay longer- but he couldn't leave you there either. He left his brothers behind where the cards were, so he knew they would be safe...I suppose it's time to do what any hero would do.

He leaped at you whilst you grabbed your BEATING STICK as a way of self-defense. Not knowing what was happening-

The hippo pounced, but you managed to sledge him straight in the head with your BEATING STICK losing it in the process; with that being said the Hippo missed and the turtle fell through the portal with you in one of his arms.

"Adios! Hippos!" the turtle called with a laugh following after. The hippo seemed outraged before the portal closed...then it was quiet.

You both fell on a floor that seemed to be the top of a roof; an apartment complex. You groaned...and then he groaned. It seemed like he didn't think that he could hit back first onto a hard floor. However...you both did.

Rubbing the back of his head and looking over to make sure you were okay, he seemed to lose his face-man grin that turned into a look of worry.

"Are you okay?" the blue turtle helped you up.

"I'm okay...what are you...?" you rubbed your eyes and looked upon the features of the slider turtle. You were frazzled...he could understand, it is not every day you meet a sentient turtle.

He moved with ease.

The turtle seemed in thought before laughing slightly and rubbing the back of his head.

"I think a better question would be what is your name..." He puts his odachi back behind him before lifting your lucky charm in the other.

"You can call me Leo." he smiled at you, which was strangely calming.

"....Y/N."

(END)

[bingusbongu]

A/N: HAPPY YEAR OF THE DRAGON!!!!!!!!! so, as my first post this year, and since i started watching it, here is some Rottmnt boys x Dragon mutant reader!!!! I haven't finished the series, but i may or may not have accidently spoiled myself, so,,,,,,, yeah!

This is in gn! Pronouns! You can decide what your dragon looks like, but i will add in little bleps, like without wings/with wings, or if your character likes shiny stuff, etc!

Rottmnt boys x Dragon Mutant Reader!

Raphael

• he loves the fact that he isnt the only big mutant!!! But regardless, he still tries his best to be careful with though.

• you had to sit him down and explain to him that you basically had a set of body armor for him to relax. Honestly, it makes him feel better, less afraid to hurt you when he picks you up into a hug

• protests about you joining on missions, no matter how tough you are. You join nevertheless

• your guys's duo is kinda scary. If people werent intimidated by Raph, then you being thrown into the mix? With your claws and sharp teeth and towering figure? You can sure bet you both were a terrifying sight

• you are always behind Raphael. You two fight incredibly well together. Though, after Raph is all over you, making sure you're okay

• sometimes, a dragons scales can get damaged or scuffed up to where its uncomfortable. Raph is such a sweetheart. After intense battles, he will gladdly help you apply ointment to them if it makes you feel better!

• Cuddling is abit difficult for the two of you, saying Raphael's grip could be deadly sometimes. And not to mention the spikes on the back of his shell are an obstacle, and there is no way Raph could lay ontop of you without completely crushing you

• but, you were determined to cuddle this turtle if it would kill you. The only way you two manage to safely cuddle is when Raph is laying on his side, and you slide in and cuddle up into his body, letting Raph wrap his arms around you

• He is a churring mess when you two cuddle, especially when you nestle your head under his chin or into his neck. Though, one time while you two cuddled, a deep rumble came from your throat, much like a cats purr. Your rumbling unintentionally matched Raphs churring, and he was all over you

• if you have wings??? Raph thinks it's cool that you can fly! He would love to fly too, but he is afraid he would be way too much weight and doesn't want to accidently hurt you, no matter how strong you were. So whenever you offer, he politely declines (plus points if he is afraid of heights)

• you like Shiny things??? Raph will pick up any small trinkets he finds while he is out and about. It dosent matter what, but he loves bringing it back to you and watching you absolutely light up

• Raph is always there for you, especially if you have anger problems, which most dragons do. After you completely destroyed one of the rooms in the lair, he decided it would be best to keep close to you and calm you down

• if you are getting upset, all Raph has to do is get your attention on him. Maybe he lets out a few noises like clicks and churrs to calm you. Even if it is out on the battlefield, Raph doesn't want to see you hurt yourself, so he is automatically calming you down

• dragons can get quite protective, especially if its over someone who gained their loyalty. So when you get protective over Raph, it's a new feeling, and he kinda likes being the one on the other end then the protector

• you two fit together like missing puzzle pieces

• ( bonus for gentle giant x gentle giant )

Leonardo

• you are automatically the coolest thing he has ever layed his eyes on. A dragon mutant????? Who is HIS partner???? He has to pinch himself occasionally to make sure this was real

• he brags about you for sure, to his brothers, April, random people, you name it! He is already bragging

• "My partners a dragon, What can YOURS do?"

• tries to get you to sparr with him. You're always unsure because you dont want to hurt him, and he just waves a hand at you and claims it's because he could easily beat you

• ends up with his face down on the floor and his brothers clapping. He gents v grumpy about it, so he is determined to beat you at one point, (bonus if you go easy on him just so he could win)

• he is always trying his best to impress you. You're a dragon mutant. you're already rad!!! So he tries so hard to get validation from you

• though if he messes up a trick or whatever, he gets grumpy, but it's easily forgotten when he hears your laughter. He takes it a huge accomplishment to get you to laugh!

• he always compliments you, regardless if you're just standing there or kicking ass. He is absolutely commenting on how good you look

• IF YOU were the one complimenting him, any little thing, he has a huge ego boost and is all smug about it, while deep down internally screaming in victory.

• the number of times you had to save him before he hurts himself is insane. you easily pick him up like he weighed nothing, gripping the back of his shell delicatly as he flusterdly dosent maintain eye contact

• Cuddling dosnt happen constantly, the main times it happens is at night. He would be up watching one of those baby sensory videos at midnight and youre tired of hearing it, so you snatch the electronic out of his hands and drag him to bed, trapping him in a side hug as you curl your tail around him from preventing him from getting up. He would be complaning about it until he manages to fall asleep, he cant escape your grip

• oh, you tell him you like shiny things? He makes it his mission to find you the most high quality, shiny, big, and sparkly things he could get his hands on and bring it to you. It doesn't matter how big it is, Leo is already hoisting it up and going to give it to you like the best boyfriend he is

• you have wings??? Cool! He would love a pair of wings! Can you pick him up and fly him around???? Wait- to fast he is going to be sick-

• if you had anger issues, he found out the hard way and has been traumatized since, so he refrains himself from making you upset. Though, if you were to get upset during battle, he is on the side lines cheering you on like a cheerleader

• loves watching you kick villains ass's

• he adores your bravery! And your quick reaction times. How you're not afraid to jump into action, especially if it's defending him, it makes him swoon when you get all protective over him

• you two also fight super well together! Regardless, it's you always making sure Leo doesn't get ganged up on

• you being able to be patient with his stubbornness is a must. You gotta deal with him after all

Donnie

• definitely the most chill out of his brothers that you're a dragon mutant.

• youre allowed in his lab, only if your size wont accidently knock something over or take up to much space.

• you've had to save him multiple times from his inventions blowing up. Either shielding him away or picking him up with ease and moving him away from the danger. No matter how many times he reassures you, you're already to your feet when something is going on.

• Donnie knows you're capable of handling yourself, especially in battle. He doesn't worry too much about you. He knows you can easily knock someone into the concrete road. So he doesn't hover over you, just stops occasionally to see if you're okay before going back to what he was doing

• however, he makes you point out every hurt scale after battles or missions so he could put stuff on it. He doesn't like hearing your whining of pain because a danaged scale was piercing into your skin. He has a whole bunch of ointments just for you. He is on top of making sure you're fine.

• he definitely would love running his fingers againts your smooth and bumpy scales. Its like a sensory thing he cant get enough of. Especially when he is working on something, and it goes wrong. Instead of stressing over it, he runs his hand over your smooth scales and takes a deep breath

• Dragons can be quite smart and have swell knowledge. And if you do, Donnie loves your intelligence. Especially if he is just trying something and getting stuck, and before he could freak out, you calmly recite a fact and ask his thoughts on it.

• you are litterly the only one capable of getting him into bed. If he has been overworking himself, you'll just pluck him out of his chair and take a grumpy donnie to his bed to rest for the night, and wrestle him to stay in bed

• Sometimes, when Donnie gets stressed, you bring him to an area for him to relax in. If he doesn't want to be touched, you sit down on the next chair. But if he does, youde automatically up and laying down with him and let the turtle rant yo you about something

• likes it sometimes when he gets headaches and you let him lean his head on you. While you carefully massage his head so as not to hurt him. Your hands do wonders

• A lot of times, you guys just communicate through small noises. Especially while he is working on something and can't lose his focus. Youll let out a soft chirp of praise to him as he churrs back at you in return. Making it a back and forth cycle between the two of you, and you guys understood eachother perfectly. It confuses the others, but you two are fine with youre little communication system

• Sometimes, while he is tinkering and you're in the lab, too, he likes listening to your breathing. It may sound weird, but especially if you fall asleep, it's like a calming presence

• if you like shiny things, he found out when his tools went missing and you were attempting to hord them into somewhere to keep it safe. He gives you recycled tech you find pretty, or just lets you explore places, either on missions or trips to the junk yard to fiend new pieces. He lets you keep everything you find.

• you fly? Pretty neat, he uses his gadgets to fly, so you two are able to fly together. Despite his not being natural made. He also liked to feel the inside of your wing and feel its soft tissue, while being fragile with it to not harm you

• if you have anger issuss, he already made a device to track your mood, anywhere and everywhere. Just to make sure you're okay and not pulverizing someone. Though, if he gets pissed off at a villain or someone, he will let you lose and do your thing.

Mikey

• Sunshine x Sunshine protecter

• Goodness, this sweet little mad loves you and your intensity sm

• the first time he met you he was intimidated, but now you two are partners, he adores you

• No one, absolutely no one is allowed to fuck with him. Especially when you're around. One time when Leonardo teased Mikey, you stared him down so hard at him as if ready to slam him into the nearest wall. He backed off immediately

• you are pretty protective when it comes to Mikey, sure you dont hover over him, but you just make sure he isnt getting walked all over because he is the yongest

• Raph appreciates you and protecting Mikey. It gets a little bit of weight off his back to know his youngest sibling is safe ( he still worries regardless )

• loves to draw you! If you let him he would make full drawings of you, finding you a perfect muse. With all your details and complex features gives him a challenge! ( sometimes gets carried away )

• if you let him paint your scales, he is over the MOON. each individual one is like an empty canvas waiting to pop with color. Mikey would litterly sit there with you for hours on end decorating each and every scale. And he makes sure to use matching colors with them! It looks so good that you feel bad washing it off

• if you let him have some of your scales, he is definitely going to make them into some fun jewlery for himself, or for you! Like matching jewelry!

• tries out new cooking dishes to appease your taste buds. If you like more spicy food, he is on top of that! Making sure you get the right amount of food since dragons tend to get hungry often.

• he likes to game with you! Or - well, game while you watch. The one time you tried to play, you accidently broke one of the controllers cause you pushed too hard.

• absolutely the most affectionate of the family. It doesn't matter if you're bigger than him, he his jumping up and kissing your cheek no matter what!

• if you like Shiny things, Mikey will go out of his way to make you something. He finds the prettiest things and molds it together in a gift for you! The ones he gives you are your absolute favorite, you treasure them alot more than you do anything else

• if you have wings, he absolutely begs you to take him on flights. He is the lightest out of his brothers. He uses you as quick transportation to get to places!

• there is no way you can possibly get upset when he is right next to you. Is sweetness and just cinnamon roll energy always automatically calms you down. Though, if he is in a situation where he gets hurt, you are FUMING and ready to beat the shit out of anyone who gets near him until you calm down again

• doesn't understand why people are scared of you. You're the sweetest thing! Like a big puppy! Why are people running away from you????

• he knows he is safe with you, though he can take care of himself, he does appreciate your love and care.

• you guys definitely rub your cheeks together. it's adorable. He likes the feeling of your scales against his face. it's a rouch tingling feeling he likes.

• Mikey definitely asks to pet you sometimes. He easily finds the spots you like. Either rubbing the base of your horns or scratching your chin it gets your tail wagging and you rumbling and he loves it

• you are always with him. It's hard seeing you guys apart from one another! And he doesn't mind, unless he wants to do something on his own, you let him. But regardless, where Mikey is youre not to far behind

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

AHH HII I DONT KNOW IF YOURE TAKING REQUESTS BUT YOUR 2007 FICS ARE SO 💋😩🤌

i would LOOOOOVVEEEE to see how everything went down when leo actually came back.. would they tell him? would raph continue to do it? would she choose one over the other? AHHH SO MANY POSSIBILITIES if you’re not taking requests ignore this but i would beg you for some closure or just more spicy fics HAHAH🤭

Anger: part 2 (18+) (Angst)

2007!Raphael x reader (a little 2007!Leonardo x reader)

Part 1 / Part 3 Leonardo's Ending Raphael’s Ending

-----------------------

A/N: Thank you for your request! I’ve been so tempted to continue it, but I wasn’t quite sure how, as I can only see this situation end in a specific way. I decided to go in a third direction, bc let’s face it, everybody has made their own bed in this lol. And bc it is the 2007 TMNT, I’ve allowed myself to go extra angst. Hope you enjoy!💙❤️

------------------------

You and Raphael’s sexual relationship has taken a turn in the serious direction, but then an old missed face comes home, stirring up feelings once again, especially anger.

Warning: Sex as a coping mechanism, angry sex, angst, emotional betrayal, swearing, Leo and Raph being horrible brothers to each other, cheating?

------------------------

It had been almost a year. A year had passed since Leonardo’s training had ended, yet there was no sight of him. You clearly remembered the night you sat in your window, with a slight hope that Leo would come home. It almost felt wrong to think in such a way, especially after a year of sneaking around with his own brother. You had found Raphael’s pressens comforting, even if most of the time was spent moaning or calling out his name in ecstasy, with your legs spread wide or over his shoulder.

You really liked the time you had spent with Raph, even if he wasn’t much up for talking about emotions. He was there for you, in a way Leo hadn’t been able to in a long time. Yet, when you saw a familiar figure out on your fire escape, during the last hour of Leo’s return day, you were slightly disappointed to see Raphael instead. He too didn’t seem too happy. And that was the moment you realized that Leo most likely wouldn’t come home again.

That night with Raphael was way more passionate than what you had been used to with him. Passionate with an undertone of sadness, but intense. There had been very little dirty talk from Raph, yet his eyes spoke with more emotion than they ever did before. Same with his hips, as they thrusted into you with more focus and intention, instead of his usual rapid angry way.

Raphael stayed that night, like he had done so often up until that point. And as you woke up the next day, and began your obligatory morning sex, a change in your and Raph’s relationship was noted. Though still rough, it was not as hard as usual. Though there was still anger hidden in there somewhere, it was not as prominent as before. Sex between you and Raph was no longer a coping mechanism. It was no longer about the absence of Leo, but just about you and Raphael.

Sex in Leo’s room grew old long ago. After Raph had had you in every possible way on every surface of his older brother's room, it started to move into his own room. The first time he had you on his own bed, he felt like he had won a major victory in a long fought battle. It satisfied him to have your scent spread all over his room, in such a way that Leo had never managed to in his own room. With your legs over his shoulders, his hips pounding into you over and over again, and your hands holding on to him for dear life, he felt like the king of the world. How you would hold onto his head while his tongue was writing his name over your dripping cunt, or the way your mouth felt around his dick and how you worked to make him feel good. It was enough to make any man go mad. And that was almost what Raph did, whenever he sat around, waiting for the perfect moment to jump on you again without, the rest of his family noticing.

When Raph would come back home, after a night of crime fighting as the Nightwatcher, finding you sleeping in his bed. Waiting for him to come back home to you. Waiting for him to hold you tight before giving you yet another earth shattering night to remember. And unlike his brother, Raphael did just that. He came home to you to take care of you, just like Leo never would. Or so he thought.

Leo had to admit that he was slightly fearful as he stepped into the sewers. Even after what April had told him, he still feared the reactions that would come from his family. Would they be angry or would they be happy? He did not know. But the reaction he feared the most was yours. Leo first thought when he came to New York was to go to your place, just to see you again. But remembering how late it was, and not knowing what plans you had the next day, he opted to make his way straight to the sewers.

The first thing that met Leo as he stepped into his old family home, was the sound of his two youngest brother’s snoring. Both Donnie and Mikey sprawled out in front of the TV, pizza boxes laying all around them. Leo smiled at the sight, remembering what April had told him. They had jobs now, however that was possible for two mutant turtles. But because of that they probably needed their sleep, and therefore Leo decided it was best to leave them alone for now.

When Leo first stepped into his room, he was surprised by the smell that met him. The scent of you was very strong, almost jumping at him. Had you been touching yourself in his room? It touched Leo deep. A pang of guilt pinching his heart. But there was another smell. A familiar one, yet he could not place it. It did not seem to fit into his room, and definitely not with the smell of you.

After having placed his things in his room, Leo went down to the dojo. He had a feeling that Master Splinter was up and waiting for him there. So when Leo found his father sitting in the dojo patiently waiting for him, he sat down.

Raphael knew as soon as he walked out of his bedroom. He stopped in his tracks, feeling all sorts of emotions. Happiness, pleasantly surprised, confused, unsure, angry. Leo was home. His big brother was home. The man that had you first was home.

He went to the dojo and peeked through the open doors. The sight of his brother talking to Master Splinter was like a punch to the guts. They were talking like they did any other day, as if Leo hadn’t been gone for two years. Raph did not hear a single word they said. All he could think about was you, and how you would react when you knew Leonardo was back home.

Master Splinter said something, which prompted Leo to turn and look in Raph’s direction. The red clad turtle panicked a bit, not sure what to say. He ended up settling with a simple welcome home and that he was going to bed, before turning and waking up his brothers.

But Raphael did not go to bed. While Master Splinter and his brothers were distracted by Leonardo’s return, Raphael went straight to the apartment he had found himself in more and more often over the past year.

You were sleeping peacefully when Raph came to your bedroom window. If it had been any other night, Raph would have climbed in quietly through your unlocked window, before spooning you in your sleep, waiting for you to wake up. But not that night. Raph had thrown all his quiet skills as a ninja out the door, as he banged your window closed behind him, causing you to stir in your sleep, slowly waking up.

“Raph?”, you asked, rubbing your eyes as the named turtle started taking off his gear, in a way he hadn’t done for a long time.

Raph didn’t answer, but instead he slammed his lips to yours. You moaned out in pleasant confusion as your tongues danced together in your mouth. It had been a long time ago since Raph had been this rough with you, and you could not help but wonder what had caused it. But as he started pulling your underwear off, feeling how wet you already were against his fingers, you couldn’t help but moan in pleasure, enjoying this side of Raph you hadn’t seen in a while.

The sex that night was rough. Not unpleasant, but hard. It was like being fucked like the same way Raph used to do it one and a half years ago. Expect he didn’t talk dirty to you like he used to back then. This time he growled more than before, and would bark out  small sentences, such as “take it”, “look at me” and “say my name”. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy it, because you did. You had nothing against rough sex, and especially not the way Raph did it, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling that something had pushed him. The gripe of his hand around your neck as he fucked you sensless, made you think that he wanted people to notice someone had held you down like this. Like he wanted to prove something.

Raph was angry as he slapped your ass during doggy style, bringing his hands down hard against your flesh, one after the other, before grabbing onto your hips and thrusting into you like a drill. But he was not angry at you, but Leo. After all this time, how dared he come home now? After you and him finally were doing a little more than just fucking, he had to come and fuck it up. He just had to come and take you away from him one more time. But Raphael wouldn’t let that happen, especially not now while you were calling out his name, begging him to make you cum, just like you had done so many times before.

After three rounds, you thought that Raph would what had almost become a habit to him. To stay the rest of the night, and leave in the early hours of the morning, before his family would notice he had been gone. But to your surprise, Raph was already putting his gear back on, just as quickly as he had been taking them off.

“Raph?”, you asked, watching him in confusion. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing”, he said, tying the knot on his belt. “Absolutely nothing”.

“But that’s not true, is it?”, you asked, getting out of your bed, while he acted like he didn’t hear you. “Somethings going on, isn’t there?”

Raph growled quietly in response, irritated that you could feel his anger. He tried to relax his fists as he turned to you, fighting to keep his expression neutral. “Nothing is going on, (Y/N)”.

But you didn’t buy it. You frowned your eyes, blinking at him a few times, and Raph knew he had no way out of this one.

“You know what? Forget it. It’s not something to bother you with”, he said, trying to sound as sincere as possible, before turning to leave out the window. You called after him as he climbed up the fire escape. You quickly put on a pair of pants before hurrying up after him, your bare feet against the cold metal of the fire espace. He might have been a ninja, but you wouldn’t let him leave so easily. First Leo and now Raph. You couldn’t let it happen again.

You caught up with Raphael on the roof, grabbing onto his arm before he could leave. He looked at your hand on his bicep, almost as if it was hurting. But he did not pull back. Instead he sighed as you continued to ask him.

“Please tell me what is going on, Raph”, you almost begged him, shivering in the cold wind of the New York night. “You can’t just leave like that, not like…” You didn’t get to finish that sentence, before another presence jumped onto the roof. A breath hitched in your throat as you recognized the shape of his face, shell and the katanas strapped onto his back.

Raph’s eyes fell to the ground as he took a long breath in. Of course he had to be here now.

“... Leo?”

Your expression and the way you said his name was almost enough to bring Leo to his knees. Surprise, hurt, sad, confused. You stared at him, wondering if you were dreaming, almost scared to reach out to him. Leo could only imagine how confused you must be at that moment. It hurt him, and it hurt him even more to know that he was the reason you felt like that.

“Hey, (Y/N)”.

Raphael bit the inside of his cheek, watching as you let go of his arm and walked to Leo. He had known this would happen. It was like watching the two of you a few years ago. I love with those eyes you and Raph was slowly building up over the days. He almost had what you and Leo had, just so much better. But then Leo had to come and ruin it. Not only did he come back and take you from him, but he just came back like that, leaving Raph feeling even more betrayed by his brother.

Leo opened his arms a little, ready to hug you like he had done so many times before. To comfort you in the way he should have done once his training had finished. Raph looked away, feeling the lump in his throat build up when...

SMACK.

Raph looked up at the sound, staring at the scene in front of him. Leo almost forgot to breathe. Eyes staring off into the distance, his cheek burning with a tingling yet painful sensation. You had just slapped him. Leo looked confused at you, only to be met by your angry expression and your teared up eyes. You wanted to slap him again, feeling all the anger from the unknown that had been building up over the past two years, finally boiling over. But you didn’t. Instead you started yelling, louder than Leo had ever heard you yell before.

“A whole year, Leonardo! A whole fucking year! Half a year without writing, and then you don’t show, and another year later you expect a hug!?”

“I’m- I’m sorry, (Y/N). They needed me, I- I had to”, Leo stammered, not sure what to tell you.

Raph was surprised. He had never heard Leo stammer and never in front of you. The fearless leader never stammered, not even when he was cold. But a slap to the face by you was what did it.

“And you never thought that I needed you?! Leo, I fucking waited for you everday, even after you stopped writing!”

“Like I said, (Y/N); I’m sorry! They- they needed me in the jungle! They were killing people! Innocent people! I- I had to stay there, I couldn’t just let people get killed!”

“And you couldn’t tell me that at least once during a year and a half? Leo, I thought you were dead when you didn’t come home!”

Leo didn’t answer that. Instead his eyes fell to the ground as he felt guilt eat him from the shell up. Why didn’t he write? He wasn’t sure. He did have the time. Was it because he at one point feared that everyday could be his last, or was it because he for a short time felt he did better saving people in the jungle, than he ever did as a leader for his brothers? He did not know. He had totally forgotten about you and how you must have been feeling while he was gone. Leonardo had fucked up big time, thinking he was saving people, all while leaving the girl he used to call his girlfriend alone in the unknown.

“And you!”, you yelled, turning to Raphael, pointing your finger straight at his face. “This is why you were so angry, wasn’t it?! And yet you didn’t tell me?! How long has Leo been home Raphael?! Huh?!”

Raph snatched your finger in the air, his blood boiling with anger. He just had to say it. Especially in front of Leo, now that you had been yelling at him like that. He just had to stump it further into the wound, even if it meant evoking your anger even further.

“As I recall you didn’t seem to mind me doing you angry while Leo was gone”.

Leo snapped his attention straight at Raphael with that comment. Then he realized. That smell in his room. It was Raphael. It was his own brother. His scent mixed with yours all over his room. On every fucking surface. The realization hit him even harder than any of your words had. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it.

“You didn’t”, was all Leo could choke out, feeling his hands shaking.

Raph cured himself and his own anger. He cared for his brother, but his brother never cared for him. Raph’s hurt and insecurities grew stronger than any rational decision he could make up.

“Every night and every day”, Raph said, letting go of you before turning his attention towards his older brother. “Hard and good”. You saw as Leo’s chest moved up and down as his breathing sped up, a fire burning in his eyes. You would be lying if you said it didn’t scare you. Because it did.

“You’re lying”, Leo growled.

“Why would I lie about that? For the same stupid reason you didn’t come home? Because guess what, while you were gone, being a hero in the forest, I took care of her better than you ever did”.

That was what broke Leo. In anger he drew his katanas, not even waiting for his brother to pull out his sai. Raph felt horrible for liking how angry he made Leo. As he dodged his brother's sharp blades, he pulled out his sais, ignoring how you yelled at them to cut it out. The battle that followed was intense, with you yelling at them to stop. But they didn’t. Not until Raph and Leo pinned against the roof.

It was there, staring down at his big brother’s hurt and angry eyes, Raph realized what he was doing. What he had done. Broken his trust with not just you, but his own flesh and blood. And now he was fighting his brother, ignoring the calling of the person he told himself he was doing it for. Just like Leo, he had fucked up. He had fucked up big time.

Raph didn’t know what to do. He was scared. Scared of his own actions against two people he cared for. Therefore he grabbed a hold of his sais and ran. For once he didn’t feel anger, but sadness. And Raph didn’t know what to do with sadness like this, except hiding.

Leo called out for his brother, telling him to call back. Not to fight. No, he knew just as well as Raph that he had fucked up. He had created a burning absence with no closure, and the two of you had found your own way to cope. He was naive to think you would still stick around after a year and a half without a single word.

Anger burns bright and hot, and kept unchecked it will bring down everything around it. And now you, Raph and Leo were all feeling the effects of that burning anger.

[imagionationstation]

UM-!

So you guys know how there are several fanfics out there (at least that I’ve read) about how the Rise world is ✨so much better✨ than all the others in color and acceptance and that the Rise brothers are just ✨perfect siblings✨ and a single brother/all the brothers of 2012 would head there and never want to leave???

Well, I was thinking about that and how I could see Mikey or Raph getting talked into staying (and Donnie, as long as April isn’t an issue) but I was having a bit of trouble convincing myself that Leo would leave everything behind and move there. I mean, their home and everything he knows how to protect them from is back there. He already got rid of Shredder and they’ve fought so hard to kept their dimension- why would they leave??

Now, I’m not saying he definitely wouldn’t. I probably could convince myself that he would if I really wanted to BUT I’M STUCK in this endless loop of WHAT IF AU scenarios-!

So I’m processing and spazzing and I take no responsibility for anything that comes out of my mouth if you click this line.

OH, GOOD. WE CAN START!

So we all know that Leo isn’t going to let his brothers go. Not to live in some other dimension away from his care. And maybe the situation could be that they only visit- but they don’t want to. They want to move and they want him to come with them.

They’ll be happier there, surely. Couldn’t he see that?

And Leo tries to sit back and let them have their way. He wants his brothers to be happy, really, he does, but it grates on him more and more each day. Watching them bond with the Rise brothers. Watching them pull away from him to lean on others, silent as Michael plays therapist as if Leo isn’t enough- as the twins encourage disrespectful behavior and call him out for ‘playing Sensei’- as Rafa tries to step into the role of ‘biggest brother’ and the fake Splinter pretends to be the father that they lost.

And he watches his brothers distance themselves, from each other, from him, each finding a place in this new world of few dangers and hostility that offers opportunities to walk in the sun- and suddenly it’s like they don’t need the tight bond that they’d always shared- no, that’s crazy, he knows it is- and then one day they all admit that times have changed and maybe they don’t need a Sensei anymore?

Obviously, he has to say something. Stand his ground. Call them out. His job is to keep his clan together. He is their Sensei.

And just when he’s starting to get his point across, the Rise brothers step in. Claiming that he’s being controlling, possessive, unfair. He has to let them live their lives. He doesn’t get to decide what they get to do or how they get to do it. Doesn’t he see that?

And Leo, faced at the wall of shells standing between him and his clan, his little brothers uncertain and uncomfortable, looking between the Rise brothers and him like his word isn’t enough, finally realizes why everything has gone so wrong.

And something snaps.

He doesn’t yell. He doesn’t shove. He doesn’t argue.

Leo just walks out. He knows where his fight is.

He almost forgot that the deadliest threats were the ones that helped you to your feet before taking a knife to your back.

So it’s a good thing that Leo has a shell.

Of course, once Leo sees through the ruse, once he realizes that his baby brothers are in too deep and won’t be able to see what those turtles have done- he takes matters into his own hands.

Not that he tells the turtles that he’s onto them. Oh no.

You don’t warn the monster that you’re coming before you enter it’s den. You lure it out, you weaken it, and you eliminate the threat.

And he intends to do just that.

Leo’s spent his entire life freeing his little brothers from monsters.

What’s a few more?

VILLAIN ARC ANYONE??

So I spammed this while listening to Fall Little Wendy Bird Fall and then I went ahead a rewrote the lyrics and did you know that a “wendybird” is ‘straight-edge’ person who ‘always takes the high road’?? ‘CAUSE I DO NOW.

Sarcastic Leo who’s mocking them for pretending to be better than him to steal his little brothers anyone??

Warriors, you've no idea what you've got yourself into Fly for a night and think the world's made for you Well, I've tried too hard to see all of my work come undone Better grow some wings real fast

I see the way they look at you with hope in their eyes Soon they'll start to dream of different lives Well, I won't let you tempt them They are mine to protect No use distracting them from the past

You don't seem to quite understand what is at stake This messed up little family I won’t let you take If I could let them all go free, please know that I would But it'd do more harm than good

So why don't you fall? Fall, little wendybirds, fall Why don't you fall? Fall, little wendybirds, fall

Swear it's nothing personal It's a necessary evil Why don't you fall? Fall, little wendybirds, fall

Some would say I'm quick to rage And maybe they're right But I can say, for once, I'm thinking clear tonight Really, birdies, you have picked the wrong one to fight I will protect what is mine

A nasty little spark that must be smothered, snuffed out Setting fires inside my house is just not allowed If ending errant embers is what I must do Then, birdies, I'll be coming for you!

So why don't you fall? (Why don't you fall?) Fall, little wendybirds, fall Why don't you fall? (Why don't you fall?) Fall, little wendybirds fall

Swear it's nothing personal It's a necessary evil Why don't you fall? (Fall) Fall, little wendybirds, fall! (Why don't you fall?)

Oh, oh (Why don't you fall?) Oh, oh (Why don't you fall?) Oh, oh (Why don't you fall?) Oh (Fall) Oh-!

Why don't you- FALL?! Fall, little wendybirds, fall Or did it slip your mind? You need three things to fly Let's see you try when I take what’s mine

Why don't you fall?! Fall, little wendybirds, fall I'm gonna clip your wings Cut your strings Boys, you won't Feel a thing Now that you're feeling tall Why don't you... Fall.

[torturedblue]

Part 2 of endless Disaster Twin parallels, the not so fun version

Part 1, the fun version

Considering the series shows Donnie coming off as autistic, he’s portrayed that way much more in fan art and fanfics, etc. We often see it in fan portrayals through an aversion to touch or his senses getting overwhelmed, etc. In the show I noticed Leo actually has a consistent aversion to anything with a gross texture too: like in the first episode when they’re all sliding down Draxum’s vines and he’s tripping over himself, the only one bothered by them “I hate this!”

He also starts flailing in a panic after a worm jumps on his face (and do I even need to bring up how the texture of worms ain’t all that enjoyable let alone on your face), recoils when that evil Hidden City massage guy pours hair serum all over his head, and he’s the most visibly repulsed when Raph gets trash all over them in the beginning of Battle Nexus: New York. So on multiple occasions he comes off as pretty texture or germ averse as well

Both also have insecurity issues about their role to the team: “If mystics can do everything I can but better then why would you guys even need me?” “I’m nothing without them!”

Ironically, in Many Unhappy Returns, Splinter thinks Leo doesn’t know what he’s doing and isn’t taking the mission seriously, saying he should’ve brought Purple. But in the same episode during fights with Shredder Donnie’s seen texting on his phone half of the time. Which is also very parallel to Leo making quips in the beginning instead of helping fight like Donnie and the others

In that same fashion, Donnie’s also goofiest when everyone’s acting serious in Insane in the Mama Train, while Leo’s the unserious one in the following episodes. Another role reversal from their norm

The show also portrays these two as feeling the most affected by Splinter’s history of emotionally distant parenting. Donnie constantly talks about his unmet need for parent-aged-adult approval/validation, and Leo shows his struggle in a more Leo-like way, constantly finding father figure connections in other people like Jupiter Jim and The Dunk. He also rejects/roasts Splinter a lot too, which seems more like a form of overcompensation; acting like he doesn’t totally need or crave Splinter’s attention. The exact opposite of Donnie’s methods. “No! I’m not going back to what’s-his-rat.”

“He’s my all-time favorite actor/role model/father figure!”

“That eccentric billionaire, who was kind of a surrogate father figure to me, has shown me a version of myself I don’t like.”

Leo acts like he doesn’t pine for his affection. I’m sure he sees the way Donnie openly, desperately goes after it when it’s offered and then gets crushed even harder with disappointment (ahem Turtle-dega Nights). No way Leo’s opening himself up to that. I mean come on how sad is the moment when Splinter says they should do something together and Mikey is so eager to jump on the opportunity before it gets taken away, only for Donnie to have to pull him aside and remind him it’s usually some kind of trick or he’s likely possessed? Just for Mikey to immediately respond, “You’re right, I always fall for this!” Ouch. Honestly considering Mikey’s empathy and emotional maturity in mind, the reason both he and Raph seem to handle Splinter’s lack of attention so well is probably also because in addition Raph became a second parent himself, and taking on that role like Splinter, he knows from his own experience that even though their dad doesn’t show it in the ways they wish he would, of course he loves them and what he does do to take care of them as a parent proves that

I think the parallels and direct contrasts between how Leo and Donnie show their dissatisfaction in their relationship with Splinter is probably the most developed and interesting one to me 💔

I mean Leo’s the only one who would actually say something like this to Splinter and you can’t tell me there’s not some deep-seated resentment in the way he looks and the way he says it…

So yeah. There’s the sad edition of Disaster Twins parallels. Let’s all cry together 😃

[goodlucktai]

the way things change

tmnt 2007 word count: 2k post-movie / canon compliant b team & leo-centric

this was my main piece for the @turtlestogetherzine ! it was such a fun project that so many talented people came together on and if you haven’t already you should definitely check out everyone else’s AMAZING contributions !

title borrowed from rivers and roads by the head and the heart

read on ao3

x

Donnie and Mikey have always been something of a matching set. 

During their early years, they went everywhere together. Even when Mikey was at his most irritating and Donnie seemed two seconds away from disposing of him in brutal fashion—even though the two of them could be like night and day at the best of times—they were always on each other’s team first. 

Raph used to call them ‘the twins’ because they were both his younger brothers and they were both, in his own words, tag-teaming little twerps. The twin moniker caught on and even Splinter would use it occasionally. In the back of his mind, Leo still does.

Three weeks after the dust had settled over the remains of Winter Corp, he found himself thinking, Guess some things never change. 

“Donnie, a tablet at the breakfast table?” Leo asks dryly. “Really?” 

Blatant disregard like this for one of sensei’s longest-standing rules was usually much more Raph’s speed. 

Don pauses mid-scroll and thinks for a moment. 

“Mikey, what day is it?” he says eventually.

“It’s the eleventh, dude, you’re good,” is Mikey’s distracted reply. 

He’s making a game out of pouring as much cereal into his bowl as it will physically hold, which has amounted to a sizable mound of off-brand Lucky Charms. Leo is reluctantly curious to see what he’s going to do when he remembers he still needs to add milk. 

Donnie, for his part, immediately goes back to ignoring the rest of them as a whole. 

Raph puts his spoon down. “Explain what just happened.”

“It’s a prime number day,” Mikey says blithely, without looking up from the careful, exacting process of shaking another couple of marshmallow pieces out of the box. “Prime means primo screen-time.” 

Splinter is sipping his tea without refuting Mikey’s explanation, so that must be a thing now. Leo blinks, processing this. He can’t help remembering how it was before he went away, the strict ‘no electronics at the table’ policy, because mealtimes were family times. 

Raph directs his confusion down a different route. “Mike knows what prime numbers are? Since when?”

Donnie looks up from his tablet to angle a narrow look Raph’s way. His warm brown eyes are markedly cooler than before. He clearly didn’t appreciate the joke. 

He’s never been one to pick fights with his siblings. The Donatello Leo knows is a gentle soul, every bit as deadly as the rest of his family, but more inclined to mediate disputes than start one himself. 

So the last thing Leonardo expects is for him to take a page out of Raph’s book at eight in the morning. 

When Mikey starts tapping and humming, Leo can't help smiling a little. It’s a sound he missed in the jungle. 

“God, I can’t even hear myself think around here,” Raph grumbles. 

To Leo’s ears, it’s not unkind. Teasing, but good-natured. Leo knows what Raphael sounds like when he’s ticked off beyond all reason—when he’s angling for a fight and determined to get one, when he’ll say anything to get Leo to punch back—and this is very much not that. 

But something darts through Mikey’s expression that makes the big brother half of Leo’s brain sit up and pay attention. Donnie notices, too. 

“He has ADHD, asshole,” he snaps. “If it bothers you that much, put on some headphones or go away.”

The atmosphere changes on a dime. Splinter’s ears go up, whiskers slicked back. Raph looks as surprised as Leo feels.

“Donnie!” Leo says, more stunned than scolding. 

Donnie puts his tablet down, not quite hard enough to constitute a slam. “Are we really going to pretend that Mikey’s stimming is more annoying than listening to Raph when he’s in one of his moods?”

“Er, no.” Leo briefly looks to Splinter for guidance before he catches himself. “I mean—it’s just the way you said it.”

“The way I said it?” Donnie demands. 

“Dee, knock it off,” Mikey interjects unhappily. “You know I hate it when you guys put me in the middle.”

It pulls Donatello up short. He visibly grits his teeth, then bites out, “Can I be excused?” 

Splinter knows when to pick his battles. It’s a lesson all of his sons could stand to learn. 

“Take your plate, please,” the rat says. 

To Donnie’s credit, he doesn’t storm down the tunnel to the lab, even though it looks like he’d like to. The reinforced door shuts behind him with a decisive clang that rings through the lair. 

Leo feels wrong-footed by the entire exchange. Somehow, in the last three minutes, a comfortable family breakfast went entirely off the rails. 

Mikey isn’t humming anymore. The kitchen feels quieter than it should. 

“Hey, I didn’t mean—” Raph starts uncertainly. 

“Don’t be dumb, I know that,” Mikey says, not looking at anyone. He tips his dry cereal back into the box and then picks at his toast until he’s moved enough of it around that his plate appears halfway finished and he’s allowed to leave the table. 

He does so at a run, booking it to the lab. The door opens right up for him. It was locked the last time Leo tried it. 

And it’s locked the next time he tries it, too, half an hour later. 

“It’s me,” Leo calls, feeling a little foolish standing out in the hall. “Can I come in?”

Donnie’s voice answers immediately. “List the first ten prime numbers and I’ll think about it.”

Okay, this is Donnie with a grudge. Leo remembers enough of what that looks like to tread carefully. 

“I just want to talk,” he says. “Is Mikey okay?”

The door unlocks and Donnie rolls it open. He gives Leo an inscrutable look before he stands back to let him in. 

Mikey is parked in a huge bean bag chair in the corner, headphones on, drawing tablet propped against his knees. His ninja senses must have pinged when Leo walked in; he glances up right on cue and offers a hang-loose sign. Leo mirrors it, entirely because he knows it’ll make Mikey snicker. 

“He’s fine,” Donnie says unnecessarily, sitting down at his desk. “We look out for each other.” 

If that’s a jab, it’s a well-aimed one. 

“Yeah, I see that,” Leo says. “Look, I’m sorry if it sounded like I took Raph’s side back there. But you know that Raph doesn’t think Mikey’s stupid. He would be the first to break somebody’s jaw for implying that.”

“So that makes it okay to say whatever he wants to a neurodivergent teenager?” Don presses, eyes flashing. “But when I say something to Raph—”

Leo can feel himself losing his patience. “Donnie, come on. All I meant was that you shouldn’t pick fights when you know better.”

As soon as he says it he knows it’s the wrong thing to say. Donnie spins his chair around to face the computer monitors, neatly severing his half of the conversation.

“Close the door behind you when you leave,” he says in a clipped tone. 

Across the room, Mikey is watching them with round eyes. He’s a few seconds from tossing his art aside and getting up to diffuse the fight. As much as he hates when his brothers put him in the middle, he has no problem putting himself there. 

It almost seems like Mikey isn’t sure if it’s safe to leave Donnie alone with this strange newcomer who looks a lot like the big brother who left them all behind. 

Leo breathes through the sharp pain that brings him and thinks, Fix this. 

He draws another chair over and sits down. Donnie’s shoulders go stiff but he doesn’t react otherwise. 

“Sorry,” Leo says quietly. 

It takes a minute but eventually Donnie nods, brown eyes full and troubled. 

“Me too,” he replies. “I know I’m being difficult. I’m just—I feel so angry all the time.”

Donnie isn’t Raph. He never had any problem with Leo’s authority. He had his own parts to play on the team, parts he took pride in—doctor, scientist, engineer. He was relieved to hand back that mantle of leadership, to step back into his curated role, but that doesn’t mean everything just returns to the way it was.

Donatello still resents his big brothers for abandoning him, each in their own way. He’s still bitter about all the extra weight he had to carry, without thanks or credit. He’s been stuck in place for the last two years, no outlet, no time for himself, and nobody on his team but Mikey, the one person Donnie has always been directly responsible for and could never bring himself to burden. He picked up an I.T. job he hated and stuck with it for longer than he should have, because he wouldn’t know how to quit something halfway if his life depended on it. His typically strong relationship with Raph—one that Leo’s secretly envied since they were kids—soured and left him without their hothead’s support. He had to figure out how to be a grown-up at the tender age of sixteen. 

Then Leo came back, expecting everything to be exactly how he left it. 

Of course Donnie’s angry. It’s no wonder he’s picking fights left and right. 

“You’re not being difficult, Don,” Leo says immediately, wishing, not for the first time, that Splinter had never sent him away. “If you want to scream and throw things at me, I think that would probably be more than fair.”

“I don’t want to do any of that,” Donnie replies wryly. He swivels his chair slightly, facing Leo again. There’s something grudgingly hopeful about him now—Leo’s little brother, trying to remember how to put his faith in Leo’s hands. 

It’s such a precious thing to hold. Leo can’t screw this up again. 

“You’ve worked out a pretty solid system while I was gone,” he says, bumping Donnie’s shoulder with his fist. “Can you show me the ropes?”

Give Donnie a chance to teach and he shines. Sure enough, he brightens a little. 

“We help April with acquisitions for her antique store on Thursdays. Do you want to come?” 

Leo heard about that from April. Apparently it’s more of a game than a chore, a city-wide scavenger hunt. He was hoping for an invitation but he wasn’t expecting one. He feels himself smile. 

Mikey, who has clearly been listening in, lowers his headphones and asks, “All four of us?”

That brings Donnie up short. Leo jumps in. 

“I told Raph I wanted us to do a team-building exercise sometime soon, and he said he’d be down for anything, as long as you two promised to go easy on him.” 

That’s exactly what he said, too—only he’d added, gruffly affectionate, ‘those tag-teaming little twerps.’ 

“Sound good?” Leo asks them warmly. 

Mikey beams. Donnie’s disagreeable outer shell begins to soften. By some miracle, Leo still knows how to do this. Two years wasn’t enough to overshadow a lifetime. 

It’s a privilege to sit in the lab, watching Donnie bring up files on his latest project, listening attentively to engineering and mechanics that go clean over his head. Mikey joins them at the desk and shows Leo the digital painting he’s been working on, chattering energetically about watercolor and composition and the new brush he’s obsessed with. 

Raph wanders in some time later with an apology in hand—drinks from the twins’ favorite coffee shop. He probably left right after breakfast to be back already. 

Donnie smiles after the first sip. Raph must have got it exactly right.

Leo lets his tea warm his hands and soaks up their company the way regular turtles bask in sunlight. 

Donnie and Mikey built a house in the empty space their brothers left behind. The door isn’t always open, but Leo and Raph can always knock. Maybe they could even live there together someday, once they remember how to be on each other’s team. 

Until then, Leo is willing to put in the work. It’s what he’s always done. 

He’ll do whatever it takes to get back home. 

[alwerakoo]

no shape for driving

Tales of the TMNT Leo & Raph word count: 2k CW: amputation, injury recovery, PTSD (aka: Raph does lose that finger - the fic)

AO3

---

“I'm trying to help,” Leo tells him.

“It fucking hurts,” Raph bites back, because he's a bad brother.

And an even worse patient.

He holds his hand close to his chest, the other closed around his wrist. As if Leo was going to sit up, reach across the bed, and physically pull his arms back in.

He won't, or at least Raph hopes so, but there's a certain look on his face, that he can't quite decipher.

That makes him anxious.

Lots of things do nowadays.

He thinks that might be the worst part of it all. There's a new twitchiness to him, something that wasn't there before. Something that pulls at his chest, that takes the air out of his lunges, that digs sharp needles into every part of his brain.

It's observant. It notices things he never did before; normal, innocent things that always passed through him without a second thought.

It hears the mechanical turn of a machine, something distant and quiet, so silent he would've thought he imagined it – and Raph spends the rest of the night staring at the bottom of Mikey's bed, body frozen and stiff.

(He did imagine it – maybe. Or at least Mikey didn't seem to recall anything like it in the morning, and then there was that look on his face again, and Raph hadn't dared to ask again.)

It feels someone brush behind his back, a hand on the back of his shell, and he's turning before he can think about it, feet clumsily stumbling back, one after the other.

(“'It's just me,” Donnie told him then, with something sad hidden between the words.

“Yeah, I know,” Raph lied.)

It spots a knife in someone's hand as they're making dinner, the way their fingers curve around the blade, and Raph has to leave the room, breath twice as fast, and a heart in his throat.

(That one pissed him off the most. It wasn't even a knife that did it, after all.)

He hates it.

He hates a lot of things now – Purple Dragons the most.

He hates when his limbs go numb but his mind turns sharp, thoughts turning into a mess of tangles and knots – all fired up, always for nothing.

And then it's over, and his eyes feel wet and hot, and there's a heaviness to his jaw, like cotton stuck under his tongue, and he wants to scream at every person he sees.

He does, sometimes. And then he lets it simmer out, lets his mind and body grow numb, till he can finally gather enough of himself to apologize.

They never hold it against him, and that makes him want to scream all over again.

Leo doesn't look mad right now, either.

He tilts his head slightly, hands rested flat on his thighs, and the ends of his mask curl around his shoulder.

There was always something so perceptive about his eyes, like he could see right past everything Raph wanted to be – straight into everything he truly was.

It's a scary thought, especially now.

“Raph,” Leo tries again.

He sounds low and hushed, but there's a nervous edge to his tone.

Raph can't read his mind, but he sees the way he flexes his fingers against the skin, the sudden twitch of his shoulder.

Leo always seemed to be living on the edge, his mind always faster than his body – too fast for his own good.

Now, it only feels like his edge has grown some new eggshells.

(Raph thinks he can say he understands now. He wishes he didn't.)

“It's... I'm...” He stumbles over his own words, clumsy and uncertain, like cotton in his mouth. “It's fine. I'll do it myself.”

He says it without second-guessing, without giving it too much thought – all impulse, like he has done all his life. Which means that now, something new inside him stirs up, and he hesitates.

He thinks it's a good idea, because if Leo touches him again right now, his skin will burn clean off.

He thinks it's an awful idea, because it means he'll have to look at his hand.

Leo told him it's a process. That it'll take time to get used to.

Mikey told him to take it slow, let his body heal and "chillax" – whatever he meant by that.

Donnie told him not to touch the sewer water with his hand.

Dad didn't say anything. He only held him.

Their advice was honest, most likely true, and never fucking enough.

Because no one told him about this part.

There are moments where he puts his hand behind his thigh, just enough to make it seem absentminded, or he holds it's under his pillow, tucked away for the whole night. Moments where even the thought of it fills his stomach with air and his lungs with acid.

And then there are moments where he can't help but to stare at it. At the jagged skin, pulled together by a nasty, pink scar.

He puts his hand on a table and watches the empty space between his two fingers. He flexes them against the wood, and it's walking down the stairs and missing a step – even if he's looking right at his own feet.

Both moments make him feel like clawing his own brain out.

In front of him, Leo fidgets, first with the bowl of rice sat between them, then with the ends of his mask, twisting them around his finger.

It's an old habit that Raph never thought he'd pick up from him, until he caught himself trying to do it once, and flinched when his mask only met air.

“You look like you're gonna have a heart attack,” Raph says, looking at him.

Leo stops in place, before shifting a little in place, not helping his case.

“I don't,” he says.

“You don't know what you look like,” Raph retorts.

Leo frows, and there's something petulant and childishly annoyed breaking onto his face. Raph had missed it.

“Yes, I do?”

Bickering with his brothers is familiar, and he hates the way everyone around him stirs clear of anything that goes beyond a pleasant grocery small talk. It's been two months, and they still act like he would shatter at any minute.

“You're an idiot.”

Looking at Leo also grants him the perfect excuse to not look at his hand.

He puts his left palm forward, sinking it into the bowl in front of him.

The sensation hits him immediately.

He shivers, arms raising up, and he almost pulls his arm back. He would've, maybe, if Leo didn't reach forward, cradling his elbow.

“It's okay!” He says, far too quickly. “I know it feels weird.”

He doesn't, and 'weird' doesn't cover it.

It's sharp needles digging into his flesh; it's bugs crawling under his skin; it's buzzing static, shooting electricity through his every nerve, and the spot where Leo holds him aches.

He feels the rice sink into the space where his finger used to be, and he feels it grow itchy in a spot he will never again be able to scratch.

Leo looks at him again, with those big, sad eyes of his, and fuck – does Raph hate that look.

It's pity.

He knows it is, he knows it under layers and layers of worry and love and care. He hates it, and he hates himself for not being to appreciate all those other parts.

“I'm fine,” he spits out, jaw tense, looking down.

“Are you?” Leo says, suddenly more serious.

His voice goes a little high, like he's going to choke on his own tongue at any minute.

Raph doesn't raise his head, but he looks up – the image of his brother blurry out of the corners of his vision.

“What?”

“I'm asking: Are you?”

Raph works his jaw.

He knows this part. It feels like half of their conversations end like this nowadays.

‘Yes, I’m fine. No, it’s okay. Yes. No’, rinse and repat, rinse and repeat.

“Do we have to talk about this now?” He sighs.

“I mean, it's like...” Leo pulls back, rubbing his hands together nervously. Raph wishes he hadn't. “I can see it, you know? You're so on the edge, all time, and I know it must be hard, but you never want to talk about it, and I just-” Leo raises his gaze and their eyes meet. His brother's jaw tightens. “I know you've been avoiding your sai.”

Raph tenses.

The muscles in his hand spasm, and he finally pulls his back, the air hitting the scar on it like a harsh gust of wind. He cradles it close to his chest again, breathing out a little too fast.

He thinks he should lie.

Or change the topic, at least. Let Leo have his doubts, his hopes, his little theories.

He doesn't want to crush him, any of them, under the same weight that's been resting on his shoulders for the past two months.

But he also thinks that new, rotten thing inside him wants him to lie, too.

He's tired of letting it win.

“It's...” He looks down, then quickly up, when he spots his left hand. “It doesn't feel right anymore.”

The words sting, sharp in his mouth like chewing glass.

He takes a breath. His eyes feel hot, and he quickly breaths in again, before he has a chance to do something stupid, like cry.

Leo's shoulders sag.

“Oh, Raphie...” He says, voice wobbly.

“Don't call me that,” Raph huffs.

But the half of it gets lost in Leo's collarbone, when he suddenly sits up, throwing his arms around Raph with enough strength to knock the wind out of him.

Raph raises his arms, and his left hand shakes as he places it on Leo's shell.

“It doesn't feel right,” he repeats, right into Leo's arm, hiding in his brother's hold like a little kid. “I don't know what to do. They're- It's- It's my thing, you know? What am I supposed to do now?”

Leo hums. He pushes the bowl aside with his knee, scooting closer. He sits up on his heels, so he's just a little taller than Raph.

“Your sai are not going anywhere,” Leo tells him.

He sounds weirdly on a verge of tears, and that almost makes Raph laugh, because Leo has always been a sympathetic crier, and it’s just so like him, that it makes Raph want to hold him even tighter.

He wants to hold onto any sense of familiarity he has left.

“I'll be okay. You'll see, you're gonna learn how to use them again. You've done it once before, right? And we were toddlers, can't be that much harder now.” Leo rambles.

He has a tendency to do that. On a regular, but especially in hard moments.

“Yeah,” Raph breathes, because in hard moments, he tends to quiet.

“What is that thing Mikey always says?” Raph can't see his face, but he can imagine the way his face scrunches up. He sniffles. “Learn, adjust, overcome?”

“That's not how the meme goes,” Raph laughs, and it comes out a little wet.

“It's close enough,” Leo hums.

“Are you crying?” Raph asks, just to make sure.

Leo sniffles.

“... No?”

Raph doesn’t say anything to that, but Leo must sense his amusement, because he huffs, pulling gently at Raph’s mask tails.

“Shut up, we’re having a moment.”

Raph doesn’t try to argue.

His hand aches, raw and sensitive. He runs it over Leo's shell, and he's expecting his finger to catch on his belts, and then it doesn't.

But he's still holding him.

There's just a little less of him now, in more than one way.

But he will pick himself back up. He knows he will.

He'll fill every void with something new and kind, and everything he can't – with spite alone.

And maybe that new, scared thing inside him will never fully go away. But he can make it wither, just a little bit.

Leo squeezes him, just a little tighter, and Raph doesn't let go.

[the-peak-tmnt]

So Leo sees the world through Raphs or his other brothers eyes right? Does it look normal or is it like fuzzier or blurrier? Or maybe the vision isn't blurry but the comprehension of whats happening blurs in and out a little bit?? I bet Leos perspective of everything happening is so disorientating and sad. Anyway here's a drawing I did. I really like your work!

AHHHH THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!!

Holy shit, I love this so much! The colors are amazing, especially with Leo and his shadow against them. And the way he’s boxed in to reflect his captivity…incredible imagery! Raph and Mikey's expressions are just so perfect, too! Just WOW dude! I’m so blown away by your visual interpretation of what Leo is seeing!!!

Thank you so much for the fan art 😭 It’s impossible to express how much it means to me when people are inspired by the story enough to create something. Seriously just so, so, SO rewarding, and it inspires me right back! THANK YOU!

Also, I love this question! I'm absolutely dying to reveal more about how the mental link between the brothers works, and how Leo experiences the world  beyond the place he’s being kept through Raph.

If things go according to plan, we will learn more about this in about 3 to 4 chapters. But I can’t help myself but give a little bit away early since you asked! If you aren’t afraid of some tiny spoilers, I’ll add more below the cut!

SPOILERS (KINDA?)

You totally hit the nail on the head! I literally have the word “disorienting” in my WIP document for a later chapter, because that’s the perfect description of how it feels for Leo at first.

As he continues to develop his skills over time, things become clearer whenever he “tags along” with Raph. He didn’t lie to Raph in Chapter 13 about not being able to hear Raph’s thoughts as clearly as he can when they’re in the dream room together. When Raph is awake and Leo is tagging along, he’s perceiving Raph’s sensory experience more so than his emotional state.

The turtles’ emotional states DO affect the “quality” of the connection, though. It’s implied that Leo’s been experiencing whatever media Raph is watching through the mind link, and that it’s clear enough that Leo can even hear dialogue. That’s because Raph is relaxed and (more or less) content when just hanging out watching YouTube or a movie.

The more unsettled, upset, or distressed Raph is, the less Leo can connect. This is why Leo tells Raph “I couldn’t feel you for a while” in Chapter 6. Raph had a panic attack/dissociative episode after speaking with Splinter, so Leo wasn’t able to connect with him at all. Leo doesn’t understand that’s what happened, though, thinking instead he maybe pushed the limits of their connection too far…

That being said, how everything works could very well change…if Raph ever decides to pick up that book again 😉

PS: I am losing my mind that you included Casey as something Leo saw! Because even though Raph/the reader doesn’t know it yet, Leo is aware that Casey has entered Raph’s life and this is IMPORTANT AHHHHHHH

[aquietwritingcorner]

And Suddenly, it was Too Much

For @tmnt-write-fight for @misshowdoyoudo

Title: And Suddenly, it was Too Much Prompt: Donnie needs someone to help him wind down after a bad experience (not iteration specific)  Fandom:  TMNT 2003 Word Count: 3128  Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating:  T Characters: Donatello, Leonardo Warning: SAINW Summary: It took a few seconds for the realization to hit Don. Home. They were home. The minute Leo said the word, it was like the realization of where he—where they—were standing hit Don. He suddenly realized that he was standing in their undamaged home, with his living brothers and father, and Casey Jones was alive and walking up to them, asking them if they were playing a prank on him. The realization slammed into Don, hard enough to send his head spinning and his stomach violently churning, and he wasn’t prepared for any of that.    Notes: I really couldn’t help myself. I’m so sorry. SAINW has so many neat little ways it can be played with. Also, slight reference to a fic I posted earlier this month towards the end, but you don’t have to have read it to understand.    ffn || AO3

___________________________________

And Suddenly, it was Too Much

It took a few seconds for the realization to hit Don. Home. They were home. The minute Leo said the word, it was like the realization of where he—where they—were standing hit Don. He suddenly realized that he was standing in their undamaged home, with his living brothers and father, and Casey Jones was alive and walking up to them, asking them if they were playing a prank on him. The realization slammed into Don, hard enough to send his head spinning and his stomach violently churning, and he wasn’t prepared for any of that.

Which was probably why the next thing he did was turn around, hunch over, and throw up right there on the spot.

He heard exclamations from his family, even as he sank down onto his knees and wretched again. There wasn’t much on his stomach. There hadn’t been much food in the Resistance, and he’d felt bad about eating when he was clearly better fed than most of the people there.

His stomach rolled again, as he realized where he was and what he had and remembered what he had just left.

“Don? Donnie? You okay?”

Don realized that Raph was talking to him, squatted down next to him with a hand on his shell. Don turned his head to look up at his family. Suddenly all he could see were his three very dead and freshly killed brothers somehow standing in front of him. He took a shuddering, shaking breath, feeling like he couldn’t breathe right.

“Don?” Leo said, frowning at him. “Don, come on. Say something, bud.”

Don wanted to. He wanted to respond, to do something, say something, but it was like he was frozen. He barely felt like he was breathing right, much less capable of anything else.

“Donnie?” Mikey tried. Don’s breath hitched. The last time Mikey had called out his name had been right before the Karai Legionnaires had slashed him to death. His breath caught in his throat, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Master Splinter?” Mikey said, turning his head away from Don. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Did the Time Scepter do something to him? Or the War Staff?” Raph asked.

Leo was looking at Don with concern. “No, I…” Leo hesitated, then knelt down. “…I think this might have to do with where he was sent.”

Don’s head jerked up, and he stared at Leo. Leo frowned at him.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” he said, reaching a hand out to place on Don’s head. “I—I saw a little of each of the places all of you went, when I tried to pull you all back. Don’s was… it was dark. The Foot symbol was everywhere. He was with a bigger turtle. I think—I’m not sure who it was, exactly. I didn’t look that closely. They were running, and the bigger turtle was saying something about people working eighteen-hour days.”

Splinter frowned, gently nudging Raphael out of the way so that he could move next to Donatello, reaching out to check on him. “I did not see anything when I pulled your brothers to me,” he said.

“The Gyoji helped me—or, well, Draco and the Daimyo’s son disguised as the Gyoji. He made a… a portal of sorts? One I could look through while I tried to pull everyone back. That’s why I could see a bit of each place everyone was.” Leo explained. “But I don’t know what happened.”

Don said nothing, just knelt there, staring and shaking, his breaths still uneven.

Splinter shook his head slightly. “Come. Let us get Donatello to the couch and then we can—”

“No!” the word burst out of Don, surprising everyone, including himself. “No! I—”

And suddenly, it was too much. He looked around the lair, almost wildly. It was too much. It was just too much. A warm, unbroken home. His family looking at him with concern and warmth. The brightness and color and welcoming atmosphere. Not to mention his family.

When they had looked at him before, in that future, it had been distant and guarded, but with just a little bit of hope. Hope that had been misplaced. Hope that had failed them. He had failed them. He’d gotten them killed. Murdered. Destroyed. And now they were looking at him with such compassion and trust and concern—Splinter and Casey, too—and it was—it was—

Don stumbled back, away from the warmth of his family. It was ungraceful, panicked, and he went from kneeling on the floor to the bottom rim of his shell clacking against it as quickly moved back. He scrambled to his feet, the concerned looks his family was giving him too much and he backed away and then—

He bolted.

He ran, almost blindly, going on instinct more than anything else. He headed out into the sewers, barely even realizing that his family was calling out after him. He just fled, taking twists and turns in the sewers, going deeper and further in, into old tunnels and places that no one went, until he was finally too exhausted to go any further. He had no idea how long he’d been running, but it had to have been a while, given the state he was in. He stumbled to a stop, his legs shaking from the exertion, a sheen of sweat covering him, chest heaving with gasping breaths. His heart was beating wildly, aching fiercely. He tried to take another step, but his body wasn’t having it, and he practically fell right then and there.

He couldn’t go on. He’d pushed himself to his limits. He didn’t even bother to move from where he’d half fallen, half sunk to the ground. He shook, tears that he hadn’t yet had time to cry starting to pour out.

He’d killed his brothers. His plan had killed his brothers. He’d seen them, heard their deaths, felt it ripping at him. It didn’t matter that they’d agreed to it. It didn’t matter that they had gone in knowing that they might die. It didn’t matter. They were his brothers, and they had died enacting his plan.

And he’d seen them. He’d seen them. The image of their broken and dead bodies was never, ever going to leave him.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there like that, eventually shifting aching muscles sit, although he stayed curled up. Time meant nothing to him, and he had no way to keep track of it, having sacrificed his watch and shell cell to the resistance. But it was long enough for someone to come looking for him, if the footsteps he heard meant anything. He recognized them, knew he should probably move so that he wouldn’t alarm their owner, but he found himself too exhausted and tired to do even that. He just stayed where he was, not bothering to move.

The footsteps stuttered for a moment, and then hurried towards him.

“Donnie?” Leo said, a touch of underlying panic in his voice. Don felt his brother’s hand on his shoulder, squeezing it, “Donnie? Are you with me? Look at me, Donatello.”

Exhausted still, Don slowly turned his head from where he had it buried in his arms, just enough that Leo could see part of his face. Leo searched his face, and then sighed, settling down beside Don. Don buried his face in his arms again, and listened as Leo called the others.

“Yeah. Yeah, I found him. No. I… let me handle this, okay? Yeah. I’ll call. Okay.”

He hung up his phone, and then looped an arm around Don, tugging him into his side. Don didn’t resist, but he didn’t lean into it either. He could almost feel Leo’s frown.

“Don… you’re shaking,” his brother said.

Don said nothing.

Leo fell silent for a few moments, staying there with Don. The silence settled into them, but it left Don uneasy. It felt tense, in a way that silence with Leo had never felt tense before. It felt like… It felt like the silence with the older Leo. But this time, instead of it being Leo who was there, stony faced and holding back, radiating judgement, it was Don who was silent and holding back, putting up a wall between him and his brother.

“…Why did you run?”

The question, though quiet, startled Don. He didn’t respond right away, not even sure how he could begin to explain himself.

“…It was too much,” he said, eventually.

He felt Leo shift, just slightly.

“What was too much?” his brother asked.

“All of it,” Don replied, and his mouth felt dry. “The lair, all of you, it was too much.”

“How was it too much?” Leo asked softly.

Don’s shoulders hunched. “…It was too bright,” he mumbled. “Everything was… was there. Complete. Whole. Ready. And it felt too… too bright.”

“As opposed to here, where it’s dark and abandoned,” Leo said.

Don blinked and shifted his head up just enough to look around a little. He was in an old junction, long out of use, dark, damp, and in a state of disrepair. It honestly wasn’t that different from how broken down the old lair was. It had that same sense of hopelessness and an almost dampening effect.

“…Yeah,” he whispered.

Leo hummed. He was quiet for a moment more, and then he asked another question. “And how were we too much?”

Don tensed, and automatically leaned away from Leo a little, but Leo was having none of it, firmly pulling him in. Don felt like he couldn’t swallow, couldn’t breathe quite right, and his heart started pounding again as he thought of the compassion his family had looked at him with, and the dead brothers he had left behind, not even able to tell them goodbye or to bury them. He’d just abandoned them. Again.

“—cared,” his voice only started working partway through his sentence. “You looked at me with concern. And—and—” his breath caught. “And you were alive!”

The answer burst out of Don, and with it, an adrenaline rush. He made to get up, to leave, to flee again, but Leo’s reflexes were faster, and he reached out, catching Don’s arms by the elbow and pulling him back down. Don was off-balance, exhausted, and not expecting this. Leo sat him down and looked him in the eyes and Don found he couldn’t look away.

“Donatello, what do you mean?” he demanded. “We’ve always cared. And we’ve always been concerned when someone is sick. Unless—” his brain started to catch up. “—unless you were some place where we didn’t.” Leo’s eyes widened at the thought. “Donatello. Donatello, I need you to tell me what happened.” Don shook his head, closing his eyes, but Leo gave him a firm shake. “No. I need you to tell me. Because I can’t fathom of a world where I didn’t care about you.”

Don let out a sob but refused to look at Leo.

Leo didn’t let him go.

“Where did you go, Donatello?” he said. “Where. Did. You. Go.”

“The future,” Don said, it slipping out. “I went to the future.”

“The future?” Leo repeated. “That place…” he paused. “The Shredder had taken over, then?”

Don nodded.

“And we… didn’t care?” he asked, hazarding a guess.

“There was a resistance,” Don said, his voice hoarse.

“No, I mean—we didn’t care about… you?” Leo paused. “No. It was more than that, wasn’t it? Because there’s no way we wouldn’t care about you, unless we had stopped caring about each other.”

Don shuddered and another sob broke out, although he nodded.

Leo was silent for a moment. “The Shredder took over, we stopped caring about each other and…” he paused, clearly turning the little Don had said over in his mind. “…and we died, didn’t we? And you…” his voice softened. “And you saw it, didn’t you Donnie? Whatever happened, you saw it.”

It was like something that had been holding him back snapped. Like just the idea of someone else knowing, even if it was just a guess, was some sort of permission or release. Don let out another sob, and practically fell into his brother’s plastron. Leo moved his arms, quickly wrapping his arms around Donnie.

“Shh, little brother,” he said, rocking Donnie a bit, tucking his head under his chin. “Shh. I have you. I promise.”

Don let out another choked sob at that, and forcibly pushed his way back out of Leo’s arms. “But you broke it!” he said, accusingly. “You will break it!”

Leo looked at him, confused. “Break what?”

“That promise! You—” He stopped, swallowing.

“I’ll what?” Leo demanded, grabbing Don’s wrist again. “Donnie, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“You won’t have me! Have us!” Donnie burst out. “I’ll—I’ll disappear! You won’t know what happened! No one will! And then the Shredder will invade the lair, and Splinter will die! And then you and Raph will fight, and you’ll stop caring and stop being there! Raph will, too! Mikey will go through losing his arm, alone! Raph will lose an eye, alone! You’ll go blind, alone! April will mourn Casey, alone! And then I’ll reappear, thirty years later, but it’ll be too late! None of you will care about each other until it’s too late! When you’ll all die because you followed my plan, and it’ll be all my fault!”

His voice echoed off of the ceiling and the walls, as if it was repeating that it was all Don’s fault.

Don slumped again, leaning against the wall. He’d thought all of his tears were gone, but apparently, they weren’t.

“…Its all my fault,” he said, brokenly. “I disappear and… and everything goes wrong. You all die. You all stop caring. Because of me. Because I left. And then because you listened to me, you all die. It’s all my fault.”

Leo reached up and cupped Don’s face, firmly turning his attention towards him. “No, it isn’t,” he said firmly.

Don’s eyes met his. “Yet it is,” he insisted. “I was there. I saw what happened. I—I watched you die. I saw your bodies. I—”

Leo’s hand squeezed Don’s wrist. “No,” he said. “Don, I… I can’t imagine what that was like. I don’t want to. But if we couldn’t hold together after you disappeared, then that’s not on you. Because I can’t imagine a world where you wouldn’t fight with everything you had to get back to us. Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault. It was on us to keep it together, and we failed. Not you.”

Don trembled under his brother’s touch. “But I still killed you,” he said. “My plan—you listened—and you all died—”

Leo looked grim. “That’s always a possibility,” he said. “Splinter… Splinter’s gone over that with me many times. I hope I never face it. I wish you hadn’t. But Donnie, look at me.” He let go of Don’s wrist and brought that hand up, cupping both sides of Don’s face with his hands. “We are alive now. We are here. We’re whole, and we’re healthy. And now that we know this and know what might happen, we can be on guard for it. We can plan for it. And we can make sure that we never, ever, fall apart like that. We’ll change the future, and it won’t ever have to happen.”

Don stared at Leo, trembling, and another sob broke out of him.  This time, when Leo pulled him in closer, he didn’t resist, didn’t try to pull away. He just clung to his brother and sobbed. Leo tucked Don against him, holding him close. Instinctively he rocked Don a bit and, just as Don had done for him not so long ago, Leo leaned into his instincts and quietly churred, trying to tell Don in the most basic way they had that he was safe, and he was cared for. Don let it reverberate through him and let himself believe his big brother’s words.

They must have been out there a while, but Leo never rushed Don. He allowed him to calm on his own, doing his best to soothe him. He ran a gentle hand on Don’s head.

“Are you ready to go home now?” he asked softly.

Don hesitated, but then nodded.

“Good. Mikey’s probably got some soup waiting,” Leo said.

“…’m not hungry,” Don said.

Leo hummed. “Then you can have some tomorrow.”

Don was quiet for a moment. “…wasn’t certain,” he mumbled out.

“What?” Leo asked.

“Food wasn’t certain,” Don said. “I didn’t want to eat. I was too well-fed.”

Leo’s arms tightened on him. “Well food here is certain. And you’re going to eat. If not today, then tomorrow. Now, let’s get out of here.”

Leo stood, leveraging Don up with him. Don was practically spent, not an ounce of energy left in him, and he wavered on his feet. Leo was under his arm in a second steadying him, and they began the long walk home.

At some point in the walk, it all started to blur together, and Don started to lose track of where he was and which way they were going. He wasn’t even entirely sure when he ended up on Leo’s back, his brother carrying him as Don’s exhaustion took over. He didn’t even look up when they entered the lair, burying his face in Leo’s neck. Voices washed over him.

“—oing to be okay?—”

“—ust exhausted and—”

“—on the couch—”

“—needs time to process—”

“—blankets and warm—”

“—not gonna lea—”

He felt himself be shifted around, sat on something, felt someone settle in behind him. He cracked his eyes open. Mikey was sitting a mug of soup on the coffee table. Raph was shaking out some old blankets. Splinter was tucking one around Don and Leo.

Don felt arms tighten around him, and Leo’s voice in his ear. “Just rest, Donnie. I promise, we’ll all be here when you wake up.”

Don’s eyes looked at his family one more time, this time seeing them, and not what they had been in the future, and closed his eyes. He felt Splinter press his nose to his forehead, something the old rat had always done to show affection to his sons, especially when they were younger.

What he had seen—what he had done—still ate at him. But it seemed less all-encompassing now, and more like something that could, in time, be dealt with. But that was a tomorrow problem. Right now, he was going to lean against his big brother and let his churring soothe him to sleep.