#so many assignments and shit to do
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this band is the only thing keeping me sane rn
#so many assignments and shit to do#but just opening spotify and listening to this album again and again makes me feel so much better#crazy to think that like 3 months ago i was buying the ticket to kalorama just because#i guess i had to since they were apart of my life#the thing is they still are and my love for them ever since the tour started has become bigger and bigger#this album has surpassed all my expectations and i can't begin to describe how good it makes me feel#i'm genuinely in love with it#i wouldn't want it any other way#this is something that didn't quite happen with tbhc#i even gave up on the tour like halfway#i have no recollection of their 2019 concerts#that era was kinda weird and i think we can all agree#still i listen to tbhc now and appreciate it soooo much more#had it on loop for the past few weeks along with the singles#this era feels right#and i fully support their artistic choices and the direction they take#will never understand people saying they want wpsiatwin shit back like come one#get over it please#it's like they're stuck in time#not only are they 16 years older we are too!!!!!! people change our music taste expands#music fucking evolves#why would they be a one trick pony#the talent of mr alexander are you kidding me why would he limit himself to that#let him express how he wants let the band do what they want if you don't like it's totally fine but don't just bash it cause it's#not your thing anymore#bro humbug owns my soul but i wouldn't fucking beg for humbug 2.0 unironically that would be so boring#each album has its meaning its sound its purpose#what am i even saying anymore lol i'm just venting#i finished a meeting now for a college assignment and yes i'm super tired and want to sleep but i just instinctively went on spotify#and started playing the album
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a mob of emus for an artstyle game on twt! ^_^
#project sekai#emu otori#the usernames are all their public twts so if you use that evil platform check out their art ^_^#many of them are on here with the same users even.. be gone from my sight vile bird#the one on the bottom right is Mine but ive never had an artstyle in my life so it may not be obvious to the viewers. sorry.#pjsk#prsk#proseka#only my beautiful mutuals beautiful art can make me do LINEART#i was going to ask on here but realized i dont have mutuals bc this is a side blog. sniffle. hell on earth#I dont have much to scream in the tags. semester is almost over. Im sleepy. I designed emu a huge seord for an assignment#but the 3d model turned out Bad. it looks ok from the top but you turn it and see Problems.#its been a month or so since i modelled that and i have gotten better so i want to try again with no time crunch + pressure#its a fun looking sword. magical girl sword type shit#EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT THE LITTLE PRINCE WXS STUFF I END UP AWAKE UNTIL 3AM BECAUse it GETS TO ME#WAAAAAAAAAUHGH. I HAVE CLASS IN 11 HOURS#GOODNIGHT. IT WILL BE AS IF ALL THE STARS WERE LAUGHING.#oh my god wait i did this this weekend bc i was like yaay i have a weekend without any assignments due#I just forgot abt one. Bc my email hasnt been working properly and didnt send me the reminder for it. i will spend my tuesdah drawing a gun
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i also made this littol bike in class yesterday i like it ig
#drawing the bike for the mumbo post got me slightly familiar with bikes so the assignment wasnt too hard#we just needed to make a loop and he suggested we do a vehicle#so many people did bikes OTL#girlies when they arent as original as they wanted to be: killing killing maiming shitting crying#my art#art#animation#not going on my main cuz it's sorta nothin
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“i love you. i love you. i love you.” izuku whispers.
it’s dark, the only source of light being the television in the background, the movie you were watching muted and long forgotten, and a candle flickering on the table, emitting a sweet grapevine scent that infiltrates the air and your noses.
you’re settled on his lap, legs wrapped around him and your chest right against his, so close that you could feel the beats of his heart like it’s your own. his arms are wrapped around your body, strong, squeezing like he would never let you leave even if you wanted to. adjusted to the darkness, you can see his soft, green eyes looking into yours, and you can feel yourself melt, physically into his arms, body and soul given all to him.
“i love you too, izu.” you smile, and you can feel his cheeks turn even hotter under your palms as you run your thumbs over his skin, poking the indents that form when he matches your smile.
he exhales a breath, “wow.”
“what?”
shaking his head, he removes his face from your hands and burrows into your neck. “i’m so happy.”
“aw, baby.” your hands move to his curls, they’re soft when you run your fingers through them. “why?”
“i’m here. with you. you make me so happy sometimes i just don’t know what to do with myself.” he admits, pressing his lips against your neck in a kiss. “i love you so much.”
he’s too good for you. his words make you swoon, and you can’t help but think how lucky you are to have him like this.
“you’re too sweet, izuku.” you nuzzle his hair. “i love you. more than you know.”
the candle continues to burn, and so does your love for each other.
#izuku being amazing as usual#he’s so baby girl#.izuku#izuku x reader#deku x reader#izuku drabble#izuku midoriya x reader#how many times do they say i love you in this#who knows#making up for my lack of irl affection w this#also procrastinating my assignment#gah#let me get to work#(we all know i won’t get shit done)#.kc writes
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in 2024 I wanna stop hearing about betterhelp
#elise's posts#SO many youtubers etc I like are promoting this shit#fyi for those who don't know it's a REALLY unethical business trying to take advantage of the mentally ill#and before you say 'but how else am I meant to find a therapist that does online sessions'#post-pandemic most therapists offer this#and if you want the whole 'I can text my therapist for therapy anytime 24/7' thing...#sorry I know it might sound useful but it's SUPER bad for both your own mental health and your therapist's#sorry but therapists are not meant to be there for you 24/7#that's not their job and it's really unhelpful for YOU to become dependant on a 24/7 therapist#betterhelp do not vet their therapists thoroughly#and some people say they have been evangelised to on betterhelp by preachers who ask the algorithm to assign them queer and atheist clients#many reputable therapists state that it's a terrible business model promoting unhealthy practices to patients#it claims to be the cheapest option but it's more expensive than the most expensive therapist I've ever had (I'm in the UK)#and significantly more expensive than the cheapest who was still good and probably more qualified than some people on betterhelp#you pay extra for the middleman#(being allocated a therapist you didn't choose and vet yourself isn't great anyway imo surely you want agency in this huge decision?)#and I'm sorry but pride counselling is a branch of the same company#please just look for therapists that specialise in your needs through a regulatory model and get in touch with them directly#not all of them have waitlists and tbh if every therapist on betterhelp is available whenever what does that say about them
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my daily routine: i'm extremely anxious for about 90% of the day and i feel like i can't do this anymore and then i get like. 1 hour of clarity (post-finishing a task) and i'm like okay maybe i'll get through this somehow. and then the horrors start again
#currently at the i can't do this anymore stage#i'm scared the rest of my life will look like this etc.#it was great to take a week off but now i'm so behind with work and i want to cry all the time#and the uni assignments started so i don't have any free time in the evenings#i come back from work exhausted and start writing shit for uni#i haven't exercised in a month and my back hurts. i don't have time to cook so i eat whatever i find in the store on my way home#thank god i don't have classes this weekend because i would collapse#and i don't think i can do any volunteer work this week... i need to catch up on my studies because i'm already behind#so many assignments....#but i also need to rest 😭 i want to find a short drama to watch over the weekend so i can stop thinking abt work and uni for a moment sfjdf#k.txt
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Idk if this new PM I'm working with knows that I'm not gonna start doing any work she "assigned" me out of the blue without knowing about the product roadmap and plans. If this is for some stupid presentation that you need to do in front of some higher up leader, good luck, I ain't doing the work just so u can look good 😊👍
#i play crazy mind games at work. maybe im toxic. maybe it's maybelline.#all i know is that i got assigned so many dumb grunt work that leads nowhere and i ain't doing it again and wasting my time!#not when we don't even have any rapport between us#AND she's been ignoring all my messages and only messages me when she needs something from me lmao#be difficult to work with... then I'll be difficult right back at ya!!!#work shit
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writing is a vicious cycle of hating everything you write, but falling in love with your work three months later. such is the nature of the curse
#this is about so many wips and fics of mine#i've been doing a lot of procastinating on my assignment today how'd you know?#but yeah like. i've been working on different wips in between parts of my assignment and wowowow i can't write for shit#[i will love this so much later. how horrible.]#ahhhh#anyways i'm just hear to complain bc i can#writing#maz rambles
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Darian and Azriel unintentional similarities that have always made me teehee
literally born the same year
older sibling
trans
#shits n giggles but there's so many more#I could do an essay#And maybe I will#After I've finished my assignment essays (they are draining my soul)#Darian looks at Az and is like#Oh hey we're like 2 sides of the same coin except your folks didn't slur you and I am yet to eat my wife and kid plus I hate you thats craz#tedtalk coming to a cinema near u#darian talk#The Beast 😈#Yes I'm procrastinating shhhhhh shh shh
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actually so funny (it isn't) that everytime i struggle to do something and i tell my parents about it they just respond with "you just have to do it." like. guys. if i could "just do it" i would NOT be complaining about not being able to do it!!
#this has happened so many times. why is that their default response#during online school 'i have 87 missing assignments and i cant concentrate on them. help.' 'just do them?' 'wow why didnt i think of that..#or my dad trying to imply that i had that many missing assignments on purpose??? buddy i am the same kid that would've rather died than-#-miss school. do you seriously think i would be behind on that shit on purpose??? in what world#every single time i struggle to do something and want advice they just tell me to do it. as if i couldn't have thought of that#especially when i realized part of why online school didnt work for me is because school and home were no longer separate#whenever i was at school (or just a general separate place where im Supposed to work on stuff) i could do it just fine#outside of school i would procrastinate so bad and have no motivation or concentration for anything#i told my mom i needed a separate place to work that wasnt my room and my personal computer. she told me to 'just do it'#and suddenly when i have a separate room and computer to work on (especially in a room i already had to work in before that)#suddenly i was able to concentrate! and get shit done!#and yet this same situation will probably happen again lol. bc my parents dont like listening and taking my mental problems seriously#but like. getting my own space allowed me to finish like 5 tarot cards in quick succession. in the previous MONTHS i only finished 3.#'hm i wonder why i could finish so many cards within a week. surely its not because of what my child said would help.'#like it mustve just been that i locked in somehow. not that i got accommodations.#anyway holy fucking essay i just typed out. i need to shower rn anyways. enough rambling from me for now
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First reprimand for shitty customer service <3. Well first one that wasnt just just my boss laughing and saying a local famous person accused me of stealing their wallet [left it on a shelf].
#no. not even a little bit#some shit#MANY EMOTIONS ABT IT. lol#first being not clear if this is the first actual complaint. or if ther3 were multiple complaints. which i just think is funny...#cmon man. spill the deets what they say abt meeeeee#second. my boss does have a language barrier byt more than that qlso just. seems. uncomfortable... being my boss???#like. as in. clearly tries to skirt around telling me what to do..... but vause this was clearly a pull aside talking to...#i decided to not lie when he asks. do you knoe whsy i mean?#WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TOO....#my bosses are boomers who get sad when ppl dont greet them at stores. i think. fhdhddhf. even tho i DO greet customers. whatevr.#cause im on that PHONEEEEEEEEE#take aways..... well im fueled by. CLOSER THAN EVER. to [kym replacement] quiting my fucking job. due to circumstances. ways and means.#and a side of. god so he was trying make me not. worried i guess. so he said. everyone has there own character and i know ur character.#i know your a good person i dont expect you to pretend and smile at everyone.#HEY. CAN WE UNPACK THAT.........#1. I STILL MASK (LITERAL). so. what do we mean by that.......#2.... i HAVE a customer service VOICE. WHAT THE HELL MAN...... it INVOLVES. doing the smiling intonation at I HATE IT.#=_= receiving accomadations at work -> have been clocked/ ASSIGNED. DOUR PERSONALITY......#maybe you dont... get my cust serv persona... cause.... ur not..... a customer.................. and i work the floor by myself??????????#anyways just. little bit of agonized personal writing i kept LOCKED UP. was right. You never Can be Normal enough.....#but. THIS IS EXTREMELY LONG REPORT. to you.... my fellow bloggers. closest things i have to coworkers....#is just that i guess lol... im bored by it now. godspeed peach and love butt also destruction and hate. whatever.#im pretty sure is is not actually gonna affect much going forward i just. WOW. i continue to not elaborate to ppl irl and do share alls#(or somes...) here.#OKAY WhATEVVER POST
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grah my head feels like it might explode
#this essay prompt makes 0 fucking sense#love this teacher. fucking hate how she teaches tho#we're supposed to have a rough draft by the end of class tomorrow#okay not too horrible#IF MOT FOR THE FACT SHE KEEOS CHAINGING THE ALREADY FUCKIBG CONFUSING ASS PROMPT#i can write essays about whatever stupid fucking novel you need me to#but myself??#a significant memory i have??? that i learned a stupid fucking lesson from?????#i have like 0 significant memories from before the age of like. 10. and still not all that many after thay <3#should i talk ab how my dad fucking died? would you like that you asshole?????????#what fucking lesson would I have learned from that? dont become a fucjibg alvoholic?#shit i feel like im gonna fucking cry again i cant do this shit#i have the general vibe for each paragraph listed out ill work on it more in homeroom tomorrow#we wont even have the full fucking class for this tomorrow cuz she's a fucking asshole who gives us like five fucking seconds in class per#assignment#fucking hell dude#especially since half the class said they hadnt even started writing by like halfway through our (shortened!) class yesterday#im gonna fucking explode#my stuff#alex is not vibing.#also pjysicially too my dumbass forgot to eat dinner cuz hehe haha omg i can sing and suddenly uts 10 and i havent showered yet and my mom#will be getting home soon so i need to shower then rush my gay ass to bed#which i am in currently.#so im also feeling the forgor to eat feeling too <3
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fuckkkkkk
#why is my head hurting so bad its like actually hurting how do u describe this i cant see out of my eye#girlllll fuck all of this i need to finish this stupid !!!! assignment i need to pull an all nighter for this for gods sake why a headache-#-now.......shit........ i have so many things i need to do soon.... PLEASE GIVE ME THIS HEADACHE . LATER. THANKS#hae talks nonsense
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a word of unsolicited advice....don't do two masters programs and two jobs all at the same time, bad idea
#at least not if you don't live with family or a partner that helps support you a lot with domestic affairs#this shit would be so much more manageable if i still lived at home. or even in a dorm on campus#and didn't have to worry about bills and groceries and cooking and cleaning everything all by myself every day...#i'm not really failing at anything at the moment. but i do really feel like i'm struggling to keep up with it all#and that i should be doing a better job. or at least that things should be easier. that i shouldn't feel so lost#or have to ask so many questions still#or feel so bad when there's food in the cupboard but i'm so exhausted and poorly planned my energy and time etc#that i end up ordering delivery once or twice a week just to keep myself fee after rehearsals. idk man#this would be so much easier if my dad still did the laundry and my mom always made me dinner...#i miss not being in charge of everything myself. it's a whole lot. it's more than i bargained for#but the only people i'm really comfortable enough with asking for that level of help and care from live two states away.....sigh#well. gotta write a paper tomorrow. and go to work at 6pm. and try to dig further in on assigned hw readings. wish me luck ig#i wanna talk about me
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i really wanted to try and draw my new OC today but my wretched brain caused so much problems for me and had me LITERALLY turn in an assignment at the last second and now i am very nauseous and tense and idk. I also failed to get a bunch of other stuff done but I guess at least I got that one incredibly simple assignment done :|
I guess I should just draw something simple and go to bed so I can get up early and get back to the grind :|
#im just so extremely frustrated#i dont understand whats wrong with my brain#I really wish I could drop at least one of my classes but I cant#its too late#it would be a whole major fucking thing on so many different levels#I dont understand why my brain isnt working#These assignments are not hard!!!!!!!!!!#I'm so serious#Now I'm just physically ill with stress all the time because I am not doing my ever growing pile of assignments#Instead of just doing them#because my brain is evil#and I am cursed by a wizard#or something#btw technically the assignment i turned in just now was actually like a few seconds late#but i dont think the professor is gonna give me shit about it#im just so frustrated#ograt
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I really need to curb my procrastination habits next semester...
It's gotten to the point that the deadlines are so close I'm calculating what the minimum grade I need to achieve is to keep my GPA above 3.0 and doing only the bare minimum
#next semester will undoubtedly have many more essays too bc ill be taking 3 english classes on top of a second language and 2 gen eds#so uh#gonna try working on that over the break by working on some personal projects and assigning my own deadlines#and when the syllabi for my classes are released next semester i might set assignment due dates a day or two earlier#just so im motivated to finish them a bit earlier#but seriously im literally at the point where im like#'alright if i just do these 2 questions for the final ill still pass this class & doing x in this other class is just enough to keep my 3.0'#amber's shit you can ignore
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