#but just opening spotify and listening to this album again and again makes me feel so much better

[thurnerstorms]

this band is the only thing keeping me sane rn

[toomuchracket]

if you're too shy, part 2 (office nerd!matty x reader fluff)

remember those gigs you and matty got scheduled to cover in part 1? yeah. this is them. enjoy <3

“hey.”

matty's curls bounce as he looks up at you quickly. a mild sense of guilt gnaws at your ribs when you realise you've spooked him, but it dissipates when he smiles, visibly relaxing when he realises it's you breaking him from his concentration. “oh, hi. you alright?”

you nod, gesturing to the vacant desk next to his. “am i ok to sit here?”

“yeah, of course. no need to ask. here, let me,” matty slides his notebook out of your way; as you lay your laptop down and sit, you can see him biting back a beam from the corner of your eye, and your heart flutters. “was there anything you needed, or…? not that there has to be, you know,” he sits up straight, apology settling itself on that gorgeous face of his. “i didn't mean it like that, i just meant-”

“no, i know, matty,” you smile softly. “there is, incidentally, but also i just wanted to sit next to you.”

there he goes with the blushing again - honestly, you reckon you could make a fortune if you bottled and sold the colour of matty's cheeks when you fluster him. although, you suppose, maybe the colour is only appealing because of whose face it's on.

said face is grinning at you again. “well, feel free, anytime.”

“likewise.”

“i'll take you up on that,” matty's smile gets impossibly wider, before he catches himself and controls it a little. “so, what is it that you need from me?”

the sloppiest kiss known to man. “advice, actually,” you put your glasses on, preening internally at the way matty's breath catches in his throat as you do, and open spotify on your laptop. “where should i start with this band we're going to see twice this weekend?”

matty's face brightens even more - impossible, you'd have thought. “oh. well, do you know any of their stuff already?”

you shake your head. “very bad of me as a music journo, but no,” you smile cheekily. “this is my first time. need you to talk me through it.”

the way matty coughs and tries to pass it off as him clearing his throat at your words is delicious. to be fair to him, he recovers quickly, the only sign of him being flustered the way his cheeks periodically twitch into a smile and back down again. “alright, so… i think i’d probably start with their second album - can i?” at your approval, he slides your laptop closer to him and scrolls down the band’s spotify profile to find the album in question. “their first is good, yeah, but the second one is where they really start to define their musical identity…” he trails off, covering his mouth. 

you blink in concern, leaning into him. “you okay, matty?”

“yeah, i just,” he sighs, then giggles into his hand. it’s maybe the best thing you’ve ever heard. “i realised i was starting to sound a bit like patrick bateman.”

“oh my god,” you snort, covering your own mouth as you laugh. “christ, you were. was this band’s early work too new-wave for your tastes and all?”

“little bit. i think their undisputed masterpiece is album two - literally a personal statement about the band itself,” matty smiles, then winces. “that was embarrassing.”

you shrug. “nah, i like that film. and not just because i think christian bale’s fit in it.”

“i was gonna go as him for halloween this year, actually,” matty says, nonchalantly scrolling through spotify again. “would that be weird?”

fuck. matty in a suit? potentially covered in blood? you have to readjust the way you’re sitting at the mere thought. so, naturally - “i think you should do it.”

“yeah?”

“yeah,” you smile, matching matty’s. “i’d enjoy it, at least.”

“that’s all the convincing i need,” he smiles sweetly at you, then gestures to the laptop. “so, d’you wanna know a bit about their influences before you listen?”

“go on, then.”

“alright,” matty shuffles his chair closer to you; you sit up slightly straighter as goosebumps pass over your body, increasing tenfold when he looks directly into your eyes. from this close, his are warmer than you initially realised, and you have to work extremely hard to focus on what he's saying instead of drowning in them. “to be fair, you weren't totally far-off with the new-wave joke - their music is rooted in post-punk subculture, but more along the melodic, jangly-guitar, early eighties type. you know aztec camera, yeah? convinced i saw you wear a high land, hard rain shirt to work once.”

the butterflies nesting in your stomach flutter at his recollection. “yeah, that's right. same vibe as them?”

“kinda. similar to a lot of scottish and northern bands of that era. which is weird, considering they're all about thirty and from fucking newark.”

“i see,” you nod, smiling at the way matty's twirling one of his curls. “any springsteen influence, then? not to stereotype, but… eighties-inspired music by people from new jersey? seems like there could be connection.”

matty nods enthusiastically. “yeah, great question. i mean,” he puffs air through his lips quite adorably. “lyrically, yeah, and they have quite prominent sax parts in some of the songs that are quite e street band. but the inspiration seems to be mostly melodic post-punk. does that all make sense?”

you smile, leaning on your elbow. “yeah. you're very good at explaining things. i like that about you.”

“really?” matty blushes again. “sometimes i worry that i'm just talking shite, to be honest. i know i've got a tendency to ramble a bit, always have. it annoys people, i think.”

“not me. you're always talking about something interesting. makes me feel good to talk to you.”

he clutches his hands into sweater paws again, smiling. “same. you're a sweet one, i think. m'excited that we're working a bit closer now.”

“nobody else i'd do this with, matty,” you hold out your hand, and squeeze his when he lays it atop yours; a perfect fit, you note. “you're my favourite.”

he genuinely looks like he could cry, softly rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand and speaking even softer than that. “likewise, darling.”

for a second, you do nothing but beam at each other, still tentatively holding hands; it's only when your laptop pings with an incoming email that you break out of your reverie and apart. matty clears his throat. “would you like to know which order i recommend listening to the albums in?”

“please.”

he nods. “the second, then the most recent - which is the fifth, by the way. after that, i think i'd probably say… first, third, and fourth last. that one got a bit experimental, i doubt they'll play anything from it at either of the shows. d'you want me to just make a playlist of that order for you, while we're here?”

“oh, yes please,” you watch him do just that, a slight sense of longing settling itself in your bones when you think of a playlist so sorely him settled amidst all your favourite songs; actually, it gives you an idea. “i've got a final question for you, if that's okay, matty. well, technically two.”

“yeah?” he turns to look at you again, eyes disarmingly caring and focused on you.

“what's your absolute favourite song by the band? doesn't have to be the objectively best one, and you don't have to tell me why. m'just curious.”

matty smiles, the sun breaking through clouds. “that's easy,” he scrolls down the new playlist. “this one. that's my favourite.”

“alright,” you drag it to the top of the song list. “then that's the one i'll start with. and then i'll go onto the matty-approved listening order,” pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose, you turn to face him. “that sound alright?”

“mhmm,” matty nods vigorously again, wild hair bouncing all over the place; a curl falls over his eye, and he brushes it away before peering up at you through his enviously-long lashes. “meant what i said earlier, you know. i really do think you're incredibly sweet.”

“thank you,” you all but whisper, doing your best to cover your own blushing. “um - what was i saying?”

he smiles. “you had another question, i think?”

“right, yeah. um,” your throat goes dry with sudden nerves, and you try to swallow as inconspicuous as you can to make it better. twisting your fingers together, you look down at them as you speak. “i've still got a restaurant review to do this weekend, and i was wondering if you, like, wanted to go for dinner before saturday’s show? that italian, near camden road station? and you can say no, of course, no hard feelings, but,” you can feel your cheeks burning as you tentatively look up at him. “i'd just like to hang out with you a little bit longer this weekend. i like spending time with you.”

“oh,” matty breathes, blinking as if he can’t quite believe he isn’t dreaming - you hope that’s the reason, at least. he bites his lip, cheeks rosy as he looks up at you with a smile, and nods. “yeah, i’d love that. thank you.”

“thank you, for agreeing,” you exhale, nerves replaced by tingling excitement. “is half four too early? that would give us time to eat, and walk to the roundhouse before doors, yeah?”

“that works for me,” matty nods. he twirls his hair again. “d’you want to just meet at the restaurant? cos that’s the station i’d get off at, camden road. but i don’t mind meeting you off the tube, if you like.”

“no, no, it’s alright. i’ll just get you there - i’m not gonna make you brave the high street when you don’t need to,” you giggle. “especially on a saturday afternoon, christ.”

he huffs out a laugh, but his eyes are tender - so is his voice, when he replies. “alright. i’d do it for you, though, no complaints.”

you believe him. you aren’t sure if you’ve ever seen someone look so sweetly sincere, and it’s fucking your brain up. big-time.

still, you hold it together long enough to reply. “you’re cute, healy, even if i think you’re a bit mad for offering to walk through camden just to get me,” you giggle at the way his jaw drops at the compliment. “you can get me at angel on friday, though, if you fancy? makes sense, if you’re already walking down from highbury.”

“i’ll be there at six,” matty smiles. “i’m excited to hear what you think of the band, you know. i think you’ll like them.”

“well, if you do, then i’m sure i will. you’ve got good taste,” you gather up your laptop and stand, turning to matty with a flirty grin. “speaking of - i like that jumper. you look hot in red, matty. really hot. anyway,” you bite back a grin at the little gasp he lets out. “thanks for all your help, lovely.”

“anytime!” he calls after you when you turn to walk away, deliberately swinging your hips slightly more than usual - you’re convinced you hear a muffled “fuck” before he speaks properly. “and, um, thanks for, y’know, liking my jumper.”

you look over your shoulder and wink, happiness bubbling through your body when you notice matty shifting his gaze from your ass to your face so hastily it’s a wonder his neck didn’t snap. “friday at six, yeah? don’t be late.”

“i won’t!”

and he’s true to his word - when you come up the escalators at angel station at five minutes to six on friday, matty’s leaning against the wall opposite you. he grins, a big toothy eye-crinkling smile that has your heart doing backflips, and waves as you walk over to him. “hi! i like your jacket.”

“oh, thank you,” you self-consciously touch the fluffy collar. “have you been waiting long?”

“not really. ten minutes?”

“that’s not too bad. shall we?” you wander out into the chilly evening air, matty matching pace beside you. “you ever been to a show here before?”

“yeah. what a fucking weird venue,” matty steps closer to you to avoid being run over by a bike, and your heart flutters; you’re actually sad when he moves away. “i like it inside, but-”

“the fact it’s literally in the middle of a shopping centre is insane?”

“completely mental.”

“a really strange bit of urban planning,” you smile, turning to him as you wait at a set of traffic lights. “i listened to the playlist you made me, by the way. even learned some of the words.”

matty laughs. “you like them, then? that’s good. knew you would, though.”

you nod, fighting the urge to grab his hand as you cross the road. “played your favourite song about ten times on loop. i had no idea it was going to end up being a love song, by the way…”

“yeah, the title’s a bit misleading.”

“...but it really works. i can see why it’s your favourite,” you gently nudge your shoulder into his arm. “like i said the other day, you’ve got good taste.”

he looks down at the pavement, smiling, then at you. fuck, he’s so cute. “so do you, darling,” he says, voice so soft you can hardly hear it over the bustle around you. “i really like your outfit.”

the hour spent upending your entire wardrobe onto your bed to pick it out was absolutely worth it. “thank you. i figured, y’know, since i’m technically not working,” you smirk at him. “i’d make the effort for going out. tomorrow, though, when i’m on-shift? not a chance.”

“you’ll still look great, i reckon,” matty says, easy as breathing; ironically, the ease of his words practically stops your own breath. “and yeah, i s’pose you really aren’t working tonight. when was the last time you went to a gig just for fun?”

“it’s been a while,” you admit. “and i miss it, actually, getting to just experience new artists without having to analyse and critique them. that’s part of the reason i’m excited to be going tonight.”

“i get that,” matty nods as you turn into the venue entrance. “and what’s the other part?”

you grin. “the fact i’m going with you.”

once again, matty blushes. “if you keep throwing me off with compliments the whole night, i literally won’t get any work done. but thank you. m’glad you agreed to come with me tonight.”

“i’m glad you asked,” you turn to him once you join the line to get in. “and you’ll get your work done, don’t worry. i promise to be good.”

for the most part, you actually succeed at that, and it’s largely due to how bloody good the band are. for all the venue is in a weird place, it really is a decent one - it’s so intimate that even you, who only started listening to the artists onstage this week, feel like a proper part of it. and, free of note-taking responsibilities, you can allow yourself to be made giddy by the coloured lights and loud melodies, to dance as best you can on the sticky floor, to sing along to the scraps of lyrics you recognise and join in the backing vocals with the rest of the crowd. that was always your favourite part of a concert, the moments where hundreds of voices just worked as one, identities dropping and merging to prioritise the music; it’s nice to be in it, for once, rather than doing your best to observe and capture and convey it in words. you leave that to matty, and mostly leave him be aside from the odd smile and laugh, always responded to warmly by him.

that is, until they play his favourite song, and the boy beside you becomes impossible to ignore.

the singer says something about this being the last song of the night, before beginning the now-familiar melody on his guitar. matty’s head snaps up at the first few notes, and his notebook snaps shut; you turn to him at the noise, smiling at the excitement on his face, even more radiant than usual under the pink lighting. he looks at you with a matching smile, curls bouncing as he nods along to the music, before turning back rapt towards the stage. you follow suit, soaking up the lyrics about wanting and yearning and falling fast for someone - hearing those words with that person beside you sends goosebumps shooting across your skin and sparks through your nervous system, the same kind of kinetic energy crackling in the space between you and matty. it’s so strong you have to uncross your arms, stretching your fingers out by your side. mortifyingly, they brush against the back of matty’s hand, and the sparks become shockwaves; not so much born out of fear, but of the same kind of longing the singer is musing about. he doesn’t seem to mind the contact, hand staying put despite it, and something in your brain just says fuck it and snaps.

tentatively, more so than you think you’ve ever been before, you loop your fingers around matty’s, and you hold his hand. and, quite honestly, nothing has ever felt quite so right as this. the shockwaves in your nervous system fade to a gentle hum, kinda like the reverb from the speakers, with only a tiny jolt when matty gently squeezes your hand in response.that’s how you stay for the rest of the song, hand-in-hand facing the stage, both of you - unbeknownst to the other - smiling contentedly and mouthing the lyrics to the song you relate to.

it lasts a sickeningly short amount of time, though - as soon as the song ends, you and matty are all but pulled apart by a group of kids running towards the stage, shouting about setlists and drumsticks and god knows what else. matty chuckles, walking backwards towards the exit so he can talk to you. "that was good.”

“yeah,” you agree, although you’re not sure what he’s specifically referring to. “liked it a lot.”

“me too.”

there’s comfortable silence as you weave your way out of the venue and onto the street. you turn to say a reluctant goodbye to matty, but he beats you to it. “i’ll walk you to the station.”

“are you sure? you’ve got a bit of a walk in the other direction, matty.”

he shrugs. “it’s a nice night. i don’t mind.”

“cool,” you do your best to keep from smiling at the thought of an extra five minutes with him. “thank you.”

“s'alright,” matty smiles, leading the way down the street. “i've had a lot of fun tonight.”

“yeah, same here. they're really good!”

“aren't they? i'm excited to see their set tomorrow, see how it compares,” he hums happily. “i think this is gonna turn out to be a really good article, you know.”

“so do i,” you beam at him. “and i must say, i'm enjoying the process for this one much more than i have in a while.”

he giggles, and you have to fight the urge to hold his hand again. “well, if you think about it,” matty rubs his thumb over his bottom lip quite attractively. “it makes a lot more sense for us to do gig reviews together. music is something to be shared, after all, and live music especially, and so are our reviews - we probably get a better sense of it all if we're not by ourselves, don't you think?”

you don't even bother trying to hide how enamoured you are when you look at him. “i love the way your brain works, matty.”

“oh, shush,” he clutches the sleeves of his jacket over his hands, but beams anyway; it drops from his face when he notices the tube station sign up ahead. “well, i suppose this is where i leave you.”

the melancholia in his voice makes your heart sink. “yeah, i guess,” you sigh. “but not for long, though.”

“true,” matty's face brightens, and he reaches to take your hand and squeeze it gently. “thanks for coming, darling. i had a lot of fun.”

“thank you for having me,” you squeeze his hand in return, smiling at the way he looks down at your connected fingers in wonder. “text me when you get home?”

“of course. you too, please.”

“i will,” you let go of matty, pausing before you turn to walk away; quicker than your brain can convince you otherwise, you lean up to press a kiss to his soft cheek, before winking at his dazed expression and turning towards the station. “see you tomorrow, lovely.”

“bye,” comes the soft, delayed reply. you turn back to wave once you reach the escalator, then smile giddily to yourself the whole way home.

in fact, you don't think you stop smiling giddily for the rest of the night, or the next day; just the knowledge that you're going to see matty again keeps you in a state of sunniness, has you dancing around the flat and serenading your dog, who just looks at you like you're insane. a tiny part of your brain agrees with her, but how can you be expected to help it? you haven't been this excited to go on a date with someone in a long, long time.

well, it's not a date, officially. but walking into a dimly-lit italian restaurant with matty in tow, him taking your jacket and pulling your chair out for you like a perfect gentleman? it fucking feels like it. you wish it was.

even more so when he takes his own jacket off, revealing A) a short-sleeved shirt in the same colour of red you told him he looked hot in the other day, worn slightly open over a white tank; B) almost-unbelievably muscular arms; C) tattoos littered up said arms, and one on his chest just peeking out suggestively.

jesus fucking christ.

you can’t help but stare at matty, mouth agape, as he sits down. he giggles nervously when he notices. “what?”

the words leave your mouth before you can even think about stopping them. “matty… do you know how hot you are?”

he does the adorable blinking thing again. “you think i’m hot? me?”

“um, yeah, i have eyes,” you giggle, cheeks burning. keep it together, you stupid slut. “i didn’t know you had all those tattoos, actually. why don’t you show them off more?”

matty shrugs. “sometimes, people think if you have lots of tattoos, you’re like, i don’t know… scary, or unapproachable,” he opens the drinks menu. “that’s not the impression i wanna give off, you know? especially at work. like, you know me, i’m quite soft and quiet. i just think the tattoos look sick.”

god, you want to eat him alive.

“i understand,” you nod, leaning on your elbows. “and i also think they look sick. kinda sexy, i’d say, to be honest. anyway,” you bite back a smirk at matty’s flustered expression. “what sort of drink are you in the mood for?”

“oh, well… i don’t know, actually,” matty scans the menu, then meets your eyes. “i’m new to this sort of reviewing. what do you usually do first? talk me through it,” he must mistake your wide eyes after his last statement for horror, instead of slight arousal. “please.”

“okay. can i see the menu, please? right, fab, thanks,” you hold it open so you can both see the drinks list. “shit, this is extensive… reasonably priced, would you say?”

“for this part of london? yeah.”

“i agree. right,” you look at him, and the concentration with which he looks back almost throws you off. “because we haven’t picked out food and don’t know about flavour palettes yet, i’d avoid wine for the time being. anything too flavoured, actually - i reckon our best bets are either some sort of fairly neutral cocktail, or a spirit and clear mixer. you know, vodka soda, a g&t, that kind of thing.”

matty nods. “makes sense.”

“yeah. the exception to all of that, in my opinion, is champagne,” you smile. “but if i start drinking it, i won’t want to stop, and if i kick the arse out of this meal on the work credit card then marianne will kick mine, so…”

he laughs, and the warmth of it goes straight to your stomach. “classy girl,” he smiles, laughing even harder when you make a face. “well, i think you are. and,” he points at the menu. “i also think we should have negronis.”

“nice. alright, let’s move on to food,” you open another menu. “oh, thank god we came here so early - this decision might take me a while. sorry.”

matty smiles, the tenderness in his eyes only exacerbated by the flickering candlelight. “that’s alright, darling. we’ll take all the time you need. well,” he winces. “maybe keep it within the two and a half hours we’ve got until we need to leave for the gig. although i s’pose we could stay here another fifteen minutes if we got a taxi.”

you wave insouciantly. “we’ll be on time. and you’ll have fun, too. promise.”

“oh, i don’t doubt that.”

and you really do have fun, despite having to constantly remind yourself that you’re not on a date and are in fact at work. the two negronis you each have over the course of the meal continue to coax matty out of his shell - and thus, get you to fall even harder for him than you already have, which to be honest you didn’t think was possible after seeing his tattoos - to the point where he’s affectionately taking the piss out of you for stealing forkfuls of his dinner “for journalistic purposes”. but, all in all, he’s completely fascinated by the process of forming your review, taking interest in the subtleties of what makes somewhere good versus great, and marvelling at the breadth of your culinary knowledge (which you’re actually very proud of, being self-taught and all); he’s still raving about it as you walk - with plenty of time to spare, mind you - along chalk farm road towards the roundhouse. “i actually don’t know what i’m more impressed with, you or the food. genuinely. you’re incredible. and to think i was going to make you soup!”

you frown. “past tense? why?”

“you know too much about food. i won’t be able to impress you.”

“matty,” you turn to look at him, wide-eyed and crestfallen. “that’s not true at all!”

he scoffs, but not harshly. “come on, babe,” the nickname does something funny to your stomach. “i’m not upset about it, just thinking realistically. how is my nana’s carrot and coriander recipe gonna stack up against michelin-starred minestrone, or whatever? not at all, that’s how. and that’s alright!”

“matty. matty - alright, fine,” you clear your throat, stopping and standing with your hands on your hips. “matthew. listen to me, and listen good, yeah? right,” when he nods, blinking those pretty eyes, you continue. “soup is a whole different thing - in fact, all domestic cooking is, especially if you’re making something for someone you care about. i don’t want to be impressed by the technique, i want to be nourished. cared for. dare i say, healed. and, in that regard, i have no doubt that your nana’s recipe would fucking decimate any posh restaurant soup. alright?”

he nods, shyly peeking through his eyelashes. “alright.”

“thank you.”

the walk continues, silent for a few minutes until matty talks again. “you know,” he says, smile audible in his voice. “i didn’t think i’d find being lectured about soup sexy. and yet…”

“oh my god, stop it,” you giggle, although you’re simultaneously fighting the urge to skip along the path and secretly filing that piece of matty information away in your mind. just in case. “thanks, though.”

he shrugs, smirking. you’re into it. “just telling the truth. it’s my job, after all.”

“and here i thought you were flirting with me,” you smirk back. “shame,” you wink, speeding up slightly towards the venue; you drop into serious mode when you see several different door queues. “shit. where do we go, with the press passes?”

matty hums, looking around. suddenly, he takes your hand, gently leading you to a side door; you’re quite content with this, a sort-of fuzzy feeling overcoming you, so much so that you barely register him talking. “here we are. you ready, darling?”

you nod happily at him. “round two. let’s go.”

the night, at first, progresses a lot like the previous one - you spend the opening set dancing, singing along to the songs you know pretty well by now, leaning in to talk to matty about any discrepancies you see in performance between both nights while he diligently takes notes. when they close with his favourite song, again, you’re slightly dismayed that he continues to write, and you can’t repeat the hand-holding; pretty much as soon as you’ve thought that, though, matty leans into you to rest his head on yours and sing along to the lyrics, and the room seems to get brighter. out of both desire and necessity (you know how clumsy he is), you wrap an arm around matty’s waist, and you swear you can hear him smile. it’s warm, sweet, intimate without being weird, and you really don’t want to let go of him. ever.

eventually, once the song ends and the house lights come up in the break between sets, you do, pulling your notebook from your jacket pocket with a sigh. matty straightens up, stretches with a groan that should not be as attractive as it was to you, and smiles. “pasta tiredness hitting you too?”

“little bit,” you wince. “maybe dinner then dancing was a bad idea.”

he shakes his head. “nah. it’s been fun. i’ve really enjoyed it.”

“i’m glad to hear that,” you smile at him. “wouldn’t mind making a habit of it, actually.”

“really?” matty beams. “neither would i. maybe we can pitch it to marianne as an actual segment. like, restaurant pairings with gigs, potentially highlight local places near the venues we go to. yeah?”

it’s a fucking great idea. he goes all bashful when you tell him as much. “cool. we can maybe see her about it on monday, if she’s in.”

you nod. “of course. come and find me on monday morning, and we can come up with a proper pitch while we get this piece done, alright?”

“‘course,” matty nods, smiling when the lights drop and the audience scream. “right, i’ll leave you to your notes.”

“cheers,” you reply, reluctantly turning towards the stage. it isn’t that the gig is bad, at all - as you wrote in your notes, the band are talented, charismatic, well-rehearsed. it’s just extremely difficult to focus on them and your notebook when you have the boy of your dreams beside you, close enough to touch and kiss and dance with, singing along happily and doing a dorky little two-step that makes his hair bounce quite beautifully. every so often, the urge to turn and smile at him becomes too much to resist, and matty goes visibly - adorably - pink under the stark white lighting every single time he makes eye contact with you.

by the time the gig ends, you’re dead certain: you are down so incredibly deeply bad for matty healy, and you need to tell him as soon as possible.

as it turns out, the opportunity for that happens extremely quickly once you’re both out of the venue, talking and laughing and dissecting the show even further than you did in your respective notebooks as you leave, and it’s so romance-media smooth that you genuinely think a higher power might be involved. perhaps an apology from the universe by having a group of teenagers push you and matty apart at yesterday’s gig, this time a group of them push you closer together, bolting past you and screaming about catching the bus home - matty tugs you into him to stop you being completely bowled over, and turns so the two of you are right next to the building instead of in the firing line out in the open. his hands are warm against your waist and lower back, and so is his neck under your clasped hands; you have no recollection of putting them there, but you sure as shit aren’t going to move them anytime soon. if you did that, you’d further the distance between you, and why on earth would you want to do that, when you’re so close you can’t tell whose breath cloud is whose and the little flecks of gold in his dark eyes are visible to you for the first time?

no. you’ll stay as you are, thank you very much.

“you know that thing we were going to pitch to marianne at work on monday?” you whisper, heart pounding as you notice matty’s eyes flick to your lips. “the thing we want to make a habit of?”

“yeah,�� matty breathes, the words so close to your lips you can practically taste them. “what about it?”

your lips part, and you take a shaky breath before you reply. “well, the thing is,” you bite your lip, and his pupils dilate. “i don’t think i want it to be a work thing, matty.”

a beat passes before he responds. “neither do i.”

thank fuck.

your eyes close in contentment. “matty?”

“yeah, darling?”

you reopen them, looking up at him - for the probably millionth time in two days, you don’t bother trying to hide the feeling in your gaze. “kiss me.”

that gorgeous face above yours cracks into a smile. “alright.”

and he does.

it’s exactly how you imagined he would be - a little bit sloppy, tentative with tongue, but so eager and giggly and just so caring that it doesn’t matter. on instinct, your hand roots itself in matty’s curls, and the little whine he lets out is probably enough to fuel your bedtime fantasies for a fortnight by itself. you smile into him, tracing your tongue around his lips before sucking on the bottom one and releasing it slowly. your head is spinning, from matty more than lack of oxygen, and you honestly don’t think you’ve ever been happier post-kiss in your life.

there’s a happy silence for a minute, save the two of you gasping for breath, broken by matty kissing you quickly again and grinning. “hi. and, also, wow.”

“indeed,” you beam up at him, gently twisting those pretty curls around your fingers. “you might’ve figured it out by now, but… i like you, in a more-than-platonic sense.”

“the kiss gave it away, yeah,” he giggles breathily. “i take it there’s no policy at work about making out with your colleagues? or, y’know, taking them out on actual, unrelated-to-work dates?”

“no such thing.”

matty smiles, pulling you in for another kiss. “well, thank christ for that.”

[noahsmuse]

close to you ♡

✮ PAIRING: noah sebastian x popstar!reader

✮ SUMMARY: headcannons showcasing the relationship between two opposing ends of the music industry with a popstar!reader and noah sebastian !

✮ A/N: again, thank you all for the support on my last few posts !!! if you have any requests for something you’d like to see me write, don’t hesitate to send it in ᵔᴗᵔ

moodboard inspired by headcannons located -> here !!!!!!! 🪩🎤✨

୨୧ it all started when you mentioned how Bad Omens was one of your favorite bands in a magazine interview and people went CRAZY. bad omens fans eventually found it and started sharing it around, so happy that they share a common interest with an artist they’re very familiar with.

୨୧ this takes noah a few days until he sees what you said as he isn’t on social media as much anymore, i feel like one of the guys would ask if he’s seen it and then they’d show it to him which is how he’d probably find out

-> he had known about you before just from listening one of your songs that has recently blown up and thought it was really good but didn’t think too much about it

୨୧ because you both share the same record label, at some type of party they were throwing is where you both met !!!!! i feel like noah would spot you out first and try to make some type of conversation with you since he remembered about how positively you talked about the band

-> the night ended with you walking out with noah’s number and ever since that night, there wasn’t a single day that went by without either of you having a conversation whether it was via text, call, or facetime. you both also ended up finding out that you had A LOT in common, by the ways you make music, the media you both consume and are really into

୨୧ as your relationship progresses over the phone, the opportunity finally shows itself since you both are on a break from touring, he decides that it’s a perfect time to ask you on a date !!!!

-> he picks you up with some of your favorite flowers in his hand that he had just bought earlier while thinking back to a random conversation you two had on the phone about flowers, opens the car and door for you, and ends up paying for both of the sweet treats & drinks you both order. he’s just such a gentleman and wants to impress you :(

୨୧ and while the date seems to be going well when the two of you end up leaving, your bombarded with flashing lights and cameras all in the both of your faces. noah tries his best to cover you both up the most he can while taking the lead back to his car

-> when he drops you off and walks you back to your house door is also when he officially asks you to be his girlfriend and obviously you accept ?!?!

୨୧ i definitely think that your relationship would be more of a “private but not secret” situation since you’re both in the spotlight with fans and paparazzi everywhere waiting to make a new headline about how perfect you both look for each other :)

-> also along with the “private but not secret” idea, people notice how you wear a lot of his hoodies and shirts in your off time along with some bad omens merch that you’ve either stole from him or that he’s gave you (people also see him wearing your merch & putting some of your songs into his spotify playlists as support for you)

୨୧ he’s VERY protective of you considering how much of a following you and him have combined so he always loves to hold your hand or waist just to make sure you’re safe at all times :)

୨୧ you’ve both definitely helped each other through the negatives about being in the music industry with things like writers blocks, burnouts, insecurities, and doubts throughout your careers

-> (since he’s so talented & amazing) he’d definitely help record, write, and engineer songs for your next album or maybe just for fun because he just loves spending time with you while doing something you both enjoy !

୨୧ he LOVES to come and support you during your performances wither it’s at a festival or during your own headliners !!!! fans usually notice him either sitting side stage or in the grassy areas around the pit where he’ll be watching you, sometimes they see him singing along to your songs and even taking photos & videos of you up on stage, he just loves watching you doing what you enjoy :)

-> and same thing for when you go to their concerts & festivals that bad omens is performing for ♡

୨୧ whenever the both of you start going down a flight of stairs or a hill, he’ll always run in front of you so he can hold your hand to “prevent you from falling” (when really this is just a way for him to hold your hand) because of how you’re usually always wearing shoes with a heel that could potentially harm you

୨୧ he’s always talking about you no matter it’s whether about making music with you or the cute little date you both went on the other day, he’s just so obsessed and amazed that he’s your boyfriend

-> and yes, the boys do make fun of how he doesn’t shut up about you but they also usually ask about how you’re doing or how the date that he mentioned he was going on with you went :)

୨୧ you two are like the people’s prince & princess !!! everyone loves you guys & the little “opposites attract” dynamic since you’re usually in brighter colors with sparkles while he’s wearing all black. interviewers are always asking about y’all’s relationship, the fans love you both and everything you guys do is iconic !!!!!!!

🪩 ☆⌒｡˚✧✨

[the-orange-tabby-cat]

ALBUM OF THE DAY: Depeche Mode - Violator (1990) (10/?)

WHICH PEDRO BOY IS BASED ON? Dave York

ALBUM VIBES (listen to it on Spotify)

Cinic, sexy, and morally dubious, Violator is a Depeche Mode masterpiece, an 80s classic. The lyrics don’t hide their intention, instead, they show the listener what they are without guilt or shame. Despite Dave York being the suburban dad with a stable life, he is also a mercenary with some dark wild thoughts running inside his head, matching perfectly the album’s morally grey scenario. Did I say these lyrics are horny? Because they are.

DAVE YORK CODED LYRICS

“Now let your mind do the walking and let my body do the talking, let me show you the world in my eyes” (World in My Eyes)

“That's all there is nothing more than you can feel now” (World in My Eyes)

“The sweetest perfection to call my own, the slightest correction couldn't finely hone” (Sweetest Perfection)

“I stop and I stare too much, afraid that I care too much, and I hardly dare to touch” (Sweetest Perfection)

“Takes me completely, touches so sweetly, reaches so deeply, I know that nothing can stop me” (Sweetest Perfection)

“Sweetest perfection, an offer was made, an assorted collection but I wouldn't trade” (Sweetest Perfection)

“Reach out and touch faith” (Personal Jesus)

“Your own personal Jesus, someone to hear your prayers, someone who's there” (Personal Jesus)

“Things on your chest you need to confess, I will deliver, you know I'm a forgiver” (Personal Jesus)

“You wear guilt like shackles on your feet, like a halo in reverse” (Halo)

“There's a pain, a famine in your heart, an aching to be free, can't you see?” (Halo)

“And when our worlds they fall apart, when the walls come tumbling in, though we may deserve it It will be worth it” (Halo)

“Bring your chains, your lips of tragedy, and fall into my arms” (Halo)

“I'm waiting for the night to fall, I know that it will save us all. when everything's dark keeps us from the stark reality” (Waiting for the Night)

“Someone is coming to harm, I press my hands to my ears, It's easier here just to forget fear” (Waiting for the Night)

“To my surprise, with half-closed eyes things looked even better than when they were opened” (Waiting for the Night)

“Words like violence break the silence, come crashing in into my little world” (Enjoy The Silence)

“Painful to me, pierce right through me, can't you understand? Oh, my little girl” (Enjoy The Silence)

“Words are very unnecessary they can only do harm” (Enjoy The Silence)

“Vows are spoken to be broken” (Enjoy The Silence)

“Feelings are intense, words are trivial” (Enjoy The Silence)

“Pleasures remain, so does the pain” (Enjoy The Silence)

“You had something to hide, should have hidden it, shouldn't you? Now you're not satisfied with what you're being put through” (Policy Of Truth)

“It's just time to pay the price for not listening to advice, and deciding in your youth, on the policy of truth” (Policy Of Truth)

“You will always wonder how It could have been if you'd only lied” (Policy Of Truth)

“It's too late to change events, it's time to face the consequence” (Policy Of Truth)

“Never again is what you swore the time before” (Policy Of Truth)

“Now you're standing there tongue-tied, you'd better learn your lesson well, hide what you have to hide and tell what you have to tell” (Policy Of Truth)

“Put it on and don't say a word, put it on, the one that I prefer, put it on and stand before my eyes” (Blue Dress)

“Something so simple, something so trivial makes me a happy man, can't you understand?” (Blue Dress)

“Say you believe just how easy it is to please me because when you learn you'll know what makes the world turn” (Blue Dress)

“Something so worthless serves a purpose, it makes me a happy man, can't you understand?” (Blue Dress)

“The cleanest I've been, an end to the tears and the in-between years and the troubles I've seen” (Clean)

“I've broken my fall, put an end to it all, I've changed my routine now I'm clean” (Clean)

“I'm starting to grasp what is in my own hands, I don't claim to know where my holiness goes” (Clean)

“As years go by all the feelings inside twist and they turn as they ride with the tide” (Clean)

“I don't advise and I don't criticise, I just know what I like with my own eyes” (Clean)

TRACKLIST (highlighted are the most Dave York coded songs)

1. World In My Eyes (04'27")

2. Sweetest Perfection (04'42")

3. Personal Jesus (04'54")

4. Halo (04'28")

5. Waiting for the Night (06'07")

6. Enjoy The Silence (06'12")

7. Policy of Truth (04'53")

8. Blue Dress (05'38")

9. Clean (05'32")

[hopeinthebox]

how do u curate your playlists? they're so good (listening to the glen powell one rn lol)

dearest anon, please know you've made my entire summer with this ask <3333 (here's the playlist in question)

now while i recognise you probably weren't looking for a legitimate breakdown of the process here, you've inspired me to take a deep dive, and i'm prone to getting carried away (and yes, i read high fidelity recently and rewatched the film and the series. but i'm sure that has nothing to do with it). so here goes, under the cut:

Lizzy's Guide to the Delicate Art of Making a Playlist

#1 - What's the Point?

There has to be a theme or mood or connecting thread for the playlist. That being said, as long as it makes sense to you, you've pretty much got this covered.

What's the story? Is it based on a mood, an event, a time in your life, a person, a character, a genre, an era, etc. etc. There's plenty to choose from, so there's plenty of playlists to be made. Go crazy, get weird with it.

(In this example, the overarching theme is: Glen Powell Hot (Twisters Edn.) with a sub-theme, if you will: Country Music for Beginners.)

#2 - Song Selection

Once the theme is set, I gather a few tracks that spring to mind immediately. In this instance:

• Why'd You Come In Here Lookin' Like That - Dolly Parton

• Cowboy Take Me Away - The Chicks

• Country's Cool Again - Lainey Wilson

All of these are fairly self-explanatory if you have been caught up in the Twisters press tour at all recently. No further comment.

From here I flesh out the ~general vibelist~ with more tracks, some classics and some deep cuts. I'm cross-referencing my own musical knowledge, previous playlists, spotify mixes (god forgive me, the occasional algorithm picks), and other user's Powell playlists (topgun-heavy, but you certainly can't blame them).

#3 - Order Matters

There's got to be some sort of flow to the playlist front to back, unless your theme is audio whiplash, for example.

Now here I am a devout follower of the High Fidelity rules, which are as follows:

Track 1 - Open with a killer - sets the tone, gets people invested

(Here, Lady Gaga's You And I ~ it's a banger, and it's country enough to get away with. Can't bring out the banjo prematurely, we'll lose people)

Track 2 - Bring it up a notch - let them know we're just getting started

(Alannah Myles, Black Velvet ~ country-ing it up a notch but staying firmly in the mainstream, because again, we don't want to scare anyone)

Track 3 - Cool it down - now we're settling in

(Chris Stapleton ft. Dua Lipa - I Think I'm In Love With You ~ Dua keeps us firmly rooted in the crowd pleasers, and we can sneak in some Stapleton)

N.B. There is a rule here that I don't abide by, the "only one track per artist" - there's three dolly tracks in this lineup alone and i stand by all of them. Provided you're not adding an entire album or two, I think you can get away with it.

Anyway, this three-track run fires us into a classic (Islands In The Stream) which melts into Tyler Childers and suddenly we're knee deep in Kentucky and you didn't even know it.

The trick is to not overthink it, which is always easier said than done. Ordering only has to make sense to you from start to finish. This journey's gotta go somewhere - throw in a few peaks and troughs, and the songs are just connecting the dots along the way.

#4 - As Does Shuffle-ability

Now, having said all that, I feel like this is a safe space to admit I am a chronic shuffler, so a degree of shuffle-ability is required.

All this means is that your underlying theme is evident throughout. Any wildcards are going to make sense wherever they pop up.

With this one, the thread of country through all of these tracks is what ties the theme together (saving a horse). There are some classics (Faith Hill, Willie Nelson), soul-heavy tracks (Secret Sisters, Leon Bridges), and and few more pop-adjacent (Haim, Ashe) but they've all got that twang - so it's shuffle proof.

#5 - Points for Presentation

A good cover, title and description can offset a multitude of sins. Don't underestimate the power of presentation.

Duration comes into play here also, where anything shorter than half an hour feels like it has nowhere to go, but over three hours feels insurmountable. Unless you're going for a compilation, year in your life playlist, or some background low-fi stuff, keep it tight.

And there you have it folks, my (lengthy) guide to playlist curation. Final note, don't love it and leave it. If you come across something new, jostle things around to get it in. Similarly, if something doesn't fit anymore, toss it. The beauty of the modern mixtape is you can edit it as little or as often as you like.

If you made it this far, I'm personally sending you a little kiss on the forehead. And to the anon who inspired this article of a response, I can only apologise. MWAH

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/16/2024

did not commit fratricide this week but it got a little close there

listening

spotify tried to rec me some electro remix of this Eartha Kitt song i did NOT care for but i did enjoy the original Mink Schmink (YouTube). very similar to last year’s favorite Peel Me A Grape by Anita O’Day. this is a particular kind of oldies #girlboss song that i am super weak to

i also have an entire album to rec! spotify recced me a movie soundtrack by this artist and i went to check out their latest work. a very pleasant outer space themed saxophone-forward experience to enjoy while trying out a very slow video game! the opening track Chaldene will let you know pretty fast if you’ll like the whole album. bouncy, in the ways that saxophones are. very cowboy bebop soundtrack adjacent? i have a data entry playlist with many instrumental albums of long pieces for when i need really consistent vibes or vibes that change very slowly and this is going to be such a good addition

reading

feeling a little bit grim about the state of the world and long-tail reporting/continuity of knowledge, partially bc some friends got fired from the games industry and are throwing in the towel (do not blame them at ALL, also now this means i don't know anyone in the industry with more than three years of experience under their belt) and partially feeling a little bit grim bc i read an article FOREVER ago from the old motherboard team at VICE about how locations were being harvested from various religious and health apps, and FINALLY that data broker is starting to see some real consequences. the ONLY reason this reporter is still following this story/is still a reporter is bc after VICE summarily fired like half the site last year, he went off and started his own site.

grim! grim article, grim context, grim all around.

watching

i would love for my best friend's son to become obsessed with a different movie than pixar's elemental. but if this is the price of having an only semi-interrupted conversation with his mom then so be it.

playing

“sail forth” by developer Quantum Astrophysicists Guild and published by Festive Vector (pair of really killer names there) is the free epic game this week. i spent a reasonably okay hour with it but do not plan to continue further. the opening area has some problems that do not interest me in whatever this game does in the next area. tldr: the actual sailing part is fun, which is good bc it's a sailing game, but there isn't enough to Do in this adventure/exploration game and it's all really far apart.

it has a particular sensibility married with its art style that makes me say “cozy game” (derogatory). your main character is named captain toot. everyone has funky sentence structure liberally sprinkled with nautical terms that come off vaguely nonsensical instead of piratical. there are a lot of almost-kennings like “deepblue” “moontiders” “fishfolk”. things of this nature. while i do love a kenning i don’t have a lot of patience for this. which is unfortunate bc this game tested my patience in several ways.

the actual Sailing part is the best part of the game. there's some very fun weather-- i have seen light and heavy fog, light and heavy rain, and a full on thunderstorm. the fact that sailing is the best part of the game would be good except everything is VERY far apart, and while the call of a blank horizon is super important in an oceangoing game (i think) when it becomes more fun to just fast travel everywhere instead of sailing the long way, i think that’s where you have to refine some things in your game. this is less of an open world and more little pockets of things in between a truly ridiculous amount of empty space. i cannot imagine this runs in an acceptable manner on switch.

the good parts of sailing are the thoughtful controls: the compass, the wind on the compass, and the little sail trim bar. you should also keep an eye on wave direction bc that will really impact your top speed. you CAN tack back and forth directly into the wind but this game will make you fucking work for it, which i do like. i also liked sailing with the camera zoomed all the way in, it felt very fast and dangerous on the very long wait to get to the next island. and then it was no longer fun on the very long sail to get to the next island. i am almost confident these islands are procgen, it’s possible i got a weirdly big seed but i don’t care enough to fire up a new save.

the general pace of the game/this first area feels a little underbaked or weirdly optimized. i got enough wood in the first hour to upgrade to the best available one-mast sloop, i fought a pirate which required a lot of precision seamanship with my one lonely bow gun, i did a race, i declined a target practice course, i poked my head into eight different map locations. despite this variety, it all felt very samey. generally the map locations have one or two things to do plus one resource (the precision seamanship required to collect resources is fun for the first two islands but then stops being interesting) or one collectible. no one island is particularly memorable. i really loved Sunless Sea, a game that also features a large map and very slow travel, but there’s a WAY more resource management and random events, and shit is simply closer together in that game.

if i was looking for a very slow podcast game and was 20% cutesier as a person this would be ideal, but for who i am right now? not for me.

making

my siblings visited! we did not kill each other, nobody had food poisoning, and nobody died! that's all i can really ask for. here's me and my sister looking at a big quilt at the 1940 Air Terminal Museum

phil went to the emergency vet sunday afternoon bc her spay site was looking Gnarly. she either has an infection or a reaction to her sutures but the treatment is the same either way. the emergency vet said we could probably skip our normal vet visit on friday but, given that we discover a new problem every time we go to the vet, we will be keeping that appointment. all recent pics of her are smushed up on my lap at a goofy angle. have a pic of mackaroni and beans

[pizzaqueen]

38 for the spotify ficlet :)

This was “Johnny and Mary” by Robert Palmer

I guess I kind of cheated by having them listen to the song, but it was the only idea I came up with! XD

767 words / rated T / Could be read as pre-slash or established relationship

(Send me a number and I’ll write a fic!)

“What do you mean you don’t care about music?”

Steve shrugs. Maybe he should have expected this reaction from Eddie, but he wasn’t even thinking when he said it. It’s kind of funny to see Eddie riled up, though, so he’s glad he did. “Just what I said.”

“But you have to like music!”

“Of course I like music.” Steve folds his arms over his stomach. “I’m just not as into it as you are.”

“But… You have a favorite song, right? Or a favorite band?”

“I don’t know. I’ll listen to whatever.”

And, honest to god, Eddie looks crushed. And completely fucking baffled. Steve almost feels bad, but it’s cute. “I don’t…” Eddie Munson, at a loss for words—not something Steve thought he’d ever see. “But…”

Eddie looks around the room, and then his eyes light up. He tumbles off Steve’s bed and grabs one of the cassettes sitting on the dresser. He waves it around and says, “But you buy albums!”

“Yeah, you got me!” Steve holds up his hands. “I’ve been known to buy an album or two.”

“So, you do have favorite bands.”

Steve rubs his eyebrow. “I guess…” He huffs. “Why is me having a favorite band so important?”

“It just is.” Eddie starts stalking around the room, scanning this way and that.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you have something to play this on?”

“You wanna listen to Robert Palmer?”

“No.” Eddie’s face screws up and he looks at the cassette he’s holding, like he’s looking at it for the first time. He falters for a moment, then adds, “I want to listen to your favorite band. Singer, whatever.”

“He’s not…” Steve trails off. This is obviously important to Eddie, and Steve can admit that Eddie’s important to him, so he pushes himself off the bed and goes over to Eddie. “Gimme that.” He swipes the cassette and puts it in the player sitting on his desk. The opening of “Looking for Clues” starts, filling Steve’s room with drums and synth.

“Is this your favorite song?”

“Sure.”

“Steve.”

Steve sighs, leaning back against his desk. He wasn’t lying when he said he doesn’t care that much about music, but there’s something about Eddie wanting to listen to what Steve likes, to want to know about Steve—because that’s what this is really about—that makes Steve feel good. Important. Seen. So, he presses fast forward, stops, presses play too early, fast forwards again until he gets to “Johnny and Mary”.

Eddie raises his brows expectantly, perched on the end of Steve’s bed.

“Yeah, this is my favorite song on this album.” And that’s not a lie either. It’s been a while since he listened to this album, but he always liked this song.

“What do you like about it?”

“If I knew there was going to be a quiz, I wouldn’t have put this on.” Steve shakes his head and says, “I guess I like the beat. You know…” He imitates the rhythm of the song with a string of do-do-do’s.

Eddie nods.

“And it makes me feel…”

“Yeah?”

“It’s stupid.” Steve’s suddenly embarrassed, which isn’t something he feels around Eddie often.

“I wanna know.”

Steve presses his lips together. He looks at Eddie, who’s waiting mostly patiently for his answer, and says, “I guess it makes me feel kinda sad.”

“And you like that?”

“Told you it was stupid,” Steve murmurs.

“No way.” Eddie shakes his head. “It sounds like a pretty good reason to like a song to me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean… I used to avoid some of the slower songs by bands I like. Like I never really got Sabbath’s Changes! But, now… Listening to it feels different.” A furrow appears in Eddie’s brow; he tilts his head. “It does make me feel kinda sad. And I like that.”

The way Eddie’s saying it, it’s like he’s only realizing it now. And it’s kind of cool to make Eddie realize something about himself.

“Huh.” Steve looks at Eddie, heart skipping a beat; he might not be as into music as Eddie is, but sharing this with him is nice. He feels closer to him. It’s good. And he hopes that this is what Eddie wanted. He thinks it is.

“You know,” Steve says, “we’ve talked through most of the song. Wanna start it again?”

Eddie makes a face and Steve bites back a laugh—it might feel nice to share it, but he honestly, really doesn’t give a shit if Eddie likes the same songs he does—but Eddie nods, so Steve starts the song over.

[explosionshark]

tagged by @theomenroom! thanks carolyn!

Rules: Put your On Repeat playlist on shuffle and post the first ten songs that show up.

"Moon Sign Gemini" by State Faults - been really getting into these guys lately. Chaotic post-hardcore that has really strong melodic moments to break up all the noise. This song is only like a minute long so I always have to listen to it like 4 times in a row, it's so good

"We Know the Score (feat. Pain of Truth)" by Stand Still - maybe my favorite song off the debut Still Standing LP. They're from Long Island, NY and they SOUND like it -- that really strong, melodic hardcore inflected emo that bands like The Movielife and early Brand New. Super fun, very catchy, still aggressive.

"Maybe It's Me" by Four Year Strong - speaking of melodic hardcore! "Easycore" if that term doesn't make you cringe out of your skin. The new FYS album is bold and weird and really, really charming. This song has one of the most infectious riffs of the year, imo. Can't get enough.

"fleahouse" by Static Dress - so everything from 20 years ago is having a comeback and emo-influenced metalcore (or metalcore-influenced emo?) is no exception. Of all the new young bands peddling this brand of nostalgia, I think Static Dress might be doing it the best. Perfect ratio of clean to harsh vox, very melodic but still hard enough to get you headbanging a little. Could have been a Taste of Chaos band in '08, for sure.

"The Joke" by Coheed and Cambria - you know what let's not talk about this one

"You're Part of It" by Ben Quad - been getting really into Ben Quad lately! As well established by now, this has been my emo renaissance year. Ben Quad are a lot more midwest emo influenced, great noodly guitars. This song goes pretty hard. It's got such an incredible build-up, I keep this on repeat sometimes just so I can get to the end again and again

"Puntería (feat. Cardi B)" by Shakira - Absolute certified jam- fun beat, lyrics that make me blush even though i'm not fluent enough to translate everything, makes you bop around every time it comes on. My family's mexican, I'm from a very Latino neighborhood - when there's a new Shakira record, especially one as drama-laden as this, you hear it. Super fun

"Vigilantes" by Angel Sword - FINISH HEAVY METAL. I was fucking obsessed with this record for like all of July and a good chunk of August. Just fun, grimy, greasy trad metal. Jean jacket music, you feel me? The riffs are very bright and melodic and I really love the vocals - kinda rough around the edges in a way that's really charming to me. This song is 100% perfect, wouldn't change anything about it.

"The Peopling of London" by Maritime - got back into this album this year. Fun little indie rock jam from 2011, a band made of guys who used to be in The Promise Ring and the Dismemberment Plan.

"I'm Content With Losing" by Underoath - 20th anniversary tour for They're Only Chasing Safety is this year and I'm soooooo excited. It's been a fun record to revisit, very nostalgic and rewarding now this far away to see HOW big an impact it had on the scene at the time. I mean, that Static Dress song further up the list sounds the way it does BECAUSE of this band (fun fact: they're opening that tour lmao). Anyway, good shit. I love it.

Spotify Playlist Here

tagging @holdsteady, @nataliving, @gothprentiss, @coraniaid, @heated-drama-between-men, @necrotic-biotic , @shewhosleepsalotincemeteries , @trans-gothic , @thanksforthedinosaur , @angrypedestrian

[preciadosbass]

21/8/24 [1X DIY <collage> — technically a draft from yesterday as it was posted on a schedule, key + significant photos at end]

wow, i’ve been doing this for a while now. i woke up at just before eight and listened to frank iero’s ‘new’ single and oh my fucking god its so good. i love frank sm. i scrolled through my tumblr feed until 8:40 when i finally got dressed. today i’m going to adventure island [a theme park] with this person i know. i wish i could call her a friend, but she makes fun of me too much for me to count and i overall just don’t feel comfortable with her. however she’s alright to me occasionally, like today she seemed happy to be around me. i only see her as my mum is bestfriends with her mum, but my mum dosent believe the way she usually acts towards me.

today i got dressed into my silent hill shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, knee high converse, two spiked cuffs [one with longer spikes and without a third row], mcr bracelet, panic! at the disco bracelet, sleeping with sirens bracelet, diy can tab bracelet, and a diy beaded bracelet. along with my kellin quinn necklace, a taxidermy scorpion necklace, a taxidermy raccoon tail and a silver studded belt across the right side of my hip/thigh.] [because i was anticipating cold weather as the park is directly behind the beach, and it’s the warmest outfit i have. and yes, i copied this from mondays journal, shh]

i listened to my main playlist instead of a cd while putting everything on as i added three more full albums to it after listening to ‘this song is a curse…’ [illuminaudio - chiodos, discovering the waterfront - silverstein [[im surprised this wasn’t in it already]], and wires…and the concept of breathing - a skylight drive.] and then went outside to see boris at 9:30 after straightening my hair + putting on eyeliner. like always, i’d already stood in the doorway and said goodmorning upon waking up, but i wanted to sit by him/talk/and cuddle. i didn’t manage to be out with him for long as R [that person im going out with] and her mum/stepdad pulled up on the drive. so i greeted them and started packing my bag on the kitchen table.

while i was doing that, R handed me a monster original and started speaking about how she dosent know what one i like, but i’ve never had any other flavour as i dont generally go out and buy food/drink. it was really sweet of her and it proves that i guess she’s getting more friendly with me. just a few months ago she wouldn’t let me speak about much/would make fun of me constantly/etc. i’m glad that someone thinks of me and that anyone would do such a thing. i hope we do end up being friendly in a friend way, if that makes sense. like i personally consider a friend someone you can trust and open up to, and i hope we get to that point. i think what’s been preventing it is the distance between where we live.

anyway, in my bag i had: my camera [i bring it everywhere], two battery packs [one’s always in there & out of battery], a lead for the battery pack[s], a coke zero, my monster energy, my wallet with my disability access card, my skullcandy headphones, my phone, a tiny bag because i’ve been losing/having my earrings break a lot recently, my safe food, a few band pins that have fallen of my backpack, hand sanitiser, a safety pin [i don’t even know why], and a bat plushie. its not even a comfort plushie, he’s just permanently in my bag since i got him at another theme park, chessington, at the vampire ride. once i’d got everything ready to leave, i said goodbye to boris and me and R’s family set off.

while we were in the car, R suggested making a blend [again, she was acting more friendly which is super nice] but it didn’t work. then i had the idea of adding each others playlists to one another and putting it on shuffle, but that didn’t work either as her spotify was only playing songs off her playlist. either way, it was nice she thought of it. we ended up listening to our own playlists on the way to the theme park. i listened to: shoot the girl first, the used, signal the escape, fall out boy, falling in reverse, patrick stump, and my chemical romance. also on the way there, we saw an older woman with cat face paint on and hair ties that made her look like she had cat ears. i wonder what the occasion was, or if there was an occasion. just something i randomally remembered about the drive.

we arrived at 10 and got in not even five minutes later. we walked over to the stall where they sort out your tickets/passes and R’s mum activated my disability access card. it was super embarrassing because they had to take a picture of me, and it took ages, but everything eventually went through and worked. the first actual thing we did was find a table and put all of our stuff down. i met J and A. J is R’s family friend, and J’s mums bestfriend. i’m not too sure who A is to the both of them, but he went around with us. he’s 19, so i thought it’d be a little awkward, but when we started walking around to the other side of the park to this ride called green scream, i realised it wasn’t going to be.

its a kids ride, but for some reason its enjoyable. unfortunately the photo thingy wasn’t open so i didn’t get to see what we all looked like, but oh well. the next ride we went on was rage, one out of two of the bigger and ‘scarier’ roller coasters. i used to not mind rage, but over the years it’s become incredibly rough and your head hurts for at least half an hour upon getting off. its a shame because it completely prevents it from being an enjoyable ride, but it looks really smooth. we got on and set off up the vertical lift hill, which is honestly the best part, because your head can’t start hurting yet. then you go down this drop which is quite similar to thorpe park’s saw the ride, just less steep. the entire time the ride was running, my scorpion necklace was tied around my eyes. i was scared itd come off because i’ve already had one break without me knowing and they’re really cool/expensive to buy as you need to make sure their ethical taxidermy.

but, it did make the photo look silly. when i first saw it, i thought i somehow forgot to take my glasses of and didn’t notice. i did take a picture of the ride photo but got told off which was really embarrassing lmaoo, there was someone else taking a photo though and nobody said anything so i don’t know what was going on with that. [photo at end] i’m not too sure in what order i went on the rides beyond this point of the day, but i’ll carry on speaking about it anyways. afterwards, we went back to the table to have some snacks and talk a little to J + R’s mum. once we’d done, we went back round to where rage is and went on the blue [outside] water slide as it was boiling and it didn’t matter whether we got wet or not. there isn’t an access queue for this ‘ride’ so we queued up with everyone else and got round to having a turn at around 12:35.

A wanted to go on the green [inside] water slide so we split up once we got to the actual queues for each slide. it went long before me and R got on our raft. i went on the front and she placed herself at the back. we got absolutely soaking wet and the photo of us was so cool because our facial expressions were questionable and you could see the full length of my converse in it. i didn’t take a photo though, as the person behind the stand looked intimidating. afterwards we went back to the table and then went on the indoor ‘scary’ ride. which isn’t scary at all - mind you, it’s another kids ride - but the props and things are cool. it’s one of those rides where you go around in little carts and as you look around there’s holograms/animatronics/figures except it’s mostly monster/clown themed.

while waiting to be loaded onto the carts, my necklace started glowing [photo at end cuz why not] its kinda embarrassing to actually get on the ride. when you have an access pass, you get on first via the exit. but because of how the ride is designed, you have to get on - then they run it around a small bit of track while everyone looks at you. and then the others queuing get on. its so awkward knowing everyone’s staring at you slowly going by 😭. it was too dark to take any proper photos but i took a blurry photo of one of the larger figures because it glows and i think it’s cool. [photo at end] the last time i went to adventure island and on this ride with my mum + prevision, the ride faulted at a small hill and punctured a literal hole in my mums arm, and bruised both of mine, but today it went down it smoothly. thank god.

after getting off, we went on a sky drop. there was another one that had just been made which we planned to go on after. there was a problem with R and how small the seat was so she had to switch to one two seats away from me. the ride itself is pretty tame, but i have a weak stomach so it didn’t feel great lmaoo // from what i remember, afterwards we went round to the rage exit to get a time to come back and get on. it’s hard to explain but that’s how the ride access works. you go up to rides, ask for a time to come back, they add on how long they think people have been queuing in the general queue, and then you come back after X amount of time. so quite a lot of the time me, R and A were waiting at the table/going on smaller rides to pass time.

so, we went back to the table [J & A left] and came back to rage after around 40 minutes + the walk to the ride. i didn’t really fancy going on again, and A didn’t come altogether, but R wanted to do it did for her, although my head was still hurting from the last time we went on. this time, i was smart enough to put my necklace in my pocket. even going up the lift hill gave me more of a headache. and because my neck was still weak i couldn’t really keep my head back to the headrests, so my head was banging on the shoulder restraints. my vision also kept on going completely white. we both felt really shaken up afterwards so we went back to the table and everyone had something to eat. me and R decided to go on some tame rides to calm our sickness. it’s weird that i felt so bad afterwards, im completely used to going on big rollercoasters like the smiler, saw, etc, it’s just so rough.

we went on this mini ferris wheel and it was freezing. it took ages for everyone to be loaded on and while the people at the bottom are getting on, your stuck at the top above the sea, where you get all the wind. behind us was a guy wearing an exodus shirt which was cool, R didn’t think so though. she was making fun of him. carrying on, the ride eventually started and it was actually really calming. [photo at end] you could see the sea and the rest of the park nicely from up there. at this point i was getting more and more exhausted because i forgot i had a monster and i don’t ever wake up as early as what i did and then be full on all day. it finished at 3:10, and then we got the time for the ride beside it. R had been on before, but i hadn’t. i say that, but i definitely have - i just dont remember. the worker said ten minutes so we sat at the table [i rested my head in my hands and nearly fell asleep], and came back at 3:22. it was once again a kids ride, but i genuinely think it was faster than rage. and that has a loop. it accelerated so quickly i genuinely thought the controls had gone haywire.

but, this made it fun. it was the best ride i went on. while we were at the table beforehand, we decided on that being our last ride, so once it finished we packed everything up. we left the official premises at 4 and then got the adventure island fish and chips outside at 4:10. i didn’t have much because i couldn’t check the calories and i could already imagine how bad they were. i didn’t want to seem rude though, as R’s mum had paid half 70% of the price. while we ate, R’s stepdad walked to the car to drive back round to the seaside where we were sitting and pick us up. i noticed a lot of seagulls sitting on the rocks around the kid area of the sea so i took a picture of them with my camera. [photo at end]

i couldn’t zoom in as much as i wanted to because my lens was switched over from the normal setting. i just took it for the fun of it so it’s in no way how i usually take photos, the lighting on the rocks isn’t bad though. he got there at 4:30 and me and R listened to our playlists on the way back again. what came on shuffle on the way home was: patrick stump, panic! at the disco, silverstein, mccafferty, and get scared. we arrived back at my house at 5:40 and i cuddled boris for however long hopefully wouldn’t be considered disrespectful to guests. i also realised that he’d finally had his itch treatment yay!!

i asked my parents how he got along with it and according to my parents, he was vocal, but not agressive out of stress like he usually is. i’m so proud of him. then i went upstairs to my sisters room because that’s where R was. she was just on her phone so i sat on the floor and organised the photos taken today into picture collages. i stayed up there until they all left at 7:40. R was getting mad at me for sitting next to her anyways. once they’d started heading home, i went out to boris, showed my dad some band stuff, and then wrote a lot of this journal. i did this until 9:30 where i went outside properly with boris. i did go and see him every now and again while journaling but not for extended periods as my phone literally wont charge. i came back in at 2:10. while i was out there i noticed there are baby ones of those generously sized spiders that hang out on the driveway at night.

once i was back in the warm, i asked my parents if they had any receipts for my collage as i only had my coraline 3D receipts + a small cutout from the card that came with my insect stickers. it just shows each individual one so you know which ones you’ve got. my dad had an asda/primark/petrol receipts and my mum gave me the leftover paperwork/receipts from adventure island. i finished at 10:45 because it took me ages to work out how i wanted the collage to be set out and whatnot. either way i like the colour combo. [photo at end] after finishing, i went out to the kitchen to sit with boris and came back into my room at 11:20 because my phone ran out again.

i wrote even more of this journal and went upstairs to ask my parents questions about boris at 11:35. around this time, my head started hurting a concerning amount so i took some meds. im aware i sound so dramatic right now but you don’t understand how torturous that ride is until you’ve experienced it and the feeling afterwards. my eyes kept on going cross eyed and parts of my vision were cutting out. i do know i’m not the only one who feels like this after rage, though, because while we were waiting to go on for the first time a woman came off and she could barely walk afterwards. however don’t know whether my eating or sleep contributed/s to how bad my head is feeling. i finished my questions at 1, wrote a few paragraphs of this, and then said goodnight to boris.

i didn’t tell him about my day as my parents told me to tell him tomorrow so my head wouldn’t get worse so i gave him a little spoiler and cleaned the dog food can tabs in the sink. im going to somehow make a flower looking chain charm out of them. i did this while speaking to boris/apologising for going out, things like that. id shown him my collage earlier so i took some different shaped can tabs, the big dog can ones, my collage book, and a j20 bottlecap into my room to put into their assigned places for when i make stuff out of them. [photo at end]

then i went back out to boris and finished saying goodnight to him. because i cant stroke around where his ointment was applied [his neck] its quite a struggle to cuddle him the way i usually would, but i eventually finished at 2:24. i was supposed to be super quick as i wasn’t telling him about today, even though i always wish i could be longer. i then gave him his last meal of the day and he went in my room 3x times while i was awake. my head was still in excruciating pain despite the paracetamol so i went to sleep at 2:50 after finishing this journal. i kept on falling asleep and letting go of my phone/almost deleting paragraphs at a time. so i hope all of this still makes sense.

🗝️ — boris/my cat, prevision/keyworker i have to see instead of being taken back into mainstream education, questions about boris/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he's okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i'm hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.

have a good day/night O_o

[jseobsky]

I'm not weird.

paring ! bf!Niki x gn!Reader genre ! angst-comfort synposis ! people aren't nice with their words towards things they don't understand. after starting to feel ashamed about your interest towards kpop, niki comes to comfort you. warnings ! crying, feeling ashamed, idk bro, swearing haven't proofread w/c ! 0.8k

a/c ! totally not writing this because lately people have been making me feel ashamed of my liking towards kpop- totally not... too lazy to add a picture, might add one later

master list ! enha's master list

Lately my colourful world has faded into a black and white madness. Truly showed me what people’s words could do to my happiness. I wonder if I’ll be strong enough to hide a part of me that is so important, a part of me that has saved my life. I can’t hide what makes me me. But I’ll have to try. People made me ashamed of me, people made me ashamed of what makes me happy. Maybe this means I’ll never be happy again, or at least that I won’t show it.

I talk to my plushy about it. It listens to my rants and to my cries for help. I don’t have a person to talk about it tho, everyone seems to deem what I love as odd. Maybe only unalived things will be my saviour. I also talk to myself, to my imagination, they comfort me. “Am I weird?” I say to the nothingness. A person appears in front of me, it holds my shoulder. “No. No you aren’t. You can’t be, no.” 

“Hey, are you okay?” The soft voice talks to me again, I open my eyes, they immediately start to water. “How did you know?” My voice trembles. He sits on my bed and caresses my hair, trying to stay calm. “Just had a feeling when you didn’t reply to any of my messages. You usually spam me 24/7 about any new kpop news,” Niki says with a frowned expression. I shrink down my bed. I’ve been avoiding talking about anything related to my special interests. It was hard, more when I didn’t know what to talk about outside them. My life revolved around my interests so, did my life just end? “Nothing interesting came out, sorry” I try to come up with an excuse. Niki raises an eyebrow at me. “I know damn well that’s not true, someone just confirmed that aespa is having a comeback soon. Also, today is vi’enx pre-debut album. I know how excited you were about it” I look down. “So confess, who the fuck said something that made you be this down that you haven’t even opened up Spotify to listen to Tricky house like you’ve been for the past weeks?” 

Maybe I couldn’t escape this one. The more I tried to come up with an excuse, the more Niki looked at me waiting for an answer knowing what will be a lie and what will be not. “Some people commented about how weird my liking towards kpop is” I look into his eyes. His eyes are widened and he looks shocked at my answer. “Did they know you?” “Why does that matter?” He scoffed. “Well it’obvious. Anyone who knows you and knows about how happy kpop makes you shouldn’t talk shit about it” I look to the side. Oh. Niki lets out a breath trying to calm himself down. “Look. I’m not saying that if you don’t tell me their names right now I won’t go find them and make them regret their words. But that’s exactly what I’m saying.” He tries to joke. I smile a bit, for the first time in a while. “But meanwhile,” he continues, “let’s talk about why what they said is completely wrong. You shouldn’t feel bad, ashamed, or even disgusted by something that makes you feel happy. Did they say it was weird? Heck, I’m sure their interests are weird as well. Was it a football fan? Lord, I hate those people, they be criticizing people for being fans of things, and then they shout whenever their bias- I mean favourite player scores a goal. Also, it’s not weird. Why would it be weird to enjoy music, to enjoy something?” “They say it’s weird because of the idols, they don’t mind the music, just not my love for the people behind the music.” “Have they never loved an artist? Or a singer? Matter of a fact, have they ever had a friend? Because it doesn’t seem so. It seems they don’t understand the connection you can have with someone because of their craft.” I stand up from my laying position, sitting now in front of Niki. “It’s because of the fanfics, and the jokes about me loving them as if they were my partner” Niki gasped dramatically. “As if they were your partner for fuck's sake. Look at me, I’m the one dating you, right?” I nod. “And I don’t find it weird when you fangirl about how hot does Kang Taemoo or Namjoon look like, right?” “Well I don’t know about that, maybe you do-” “I don’t.” Niki cuts me. “I find it cute, because I know you love me in a completely different way you love them. It makes you happy, why wouldn’t I want you to be happy?” 

We stay quiet for a few seconds. “You’re right” Niki’s eyes soften again at my broken voice. “It makes me happy, I shouldn’t let people make me feel ashamed of it.” He hugs me. “You’re right, you shouldn’t. And seriously, if someone makes you feel like that ever again, tell me. I’ll come and cuddle you while watching a show or a movie and we’ll talk trash about how locals don’t understand us.”

[puzzledmemories]

Comfort food(s): I am a lover of food, so I feel like I have a lot of these (or at least, I love food when it tastes good. I am a bit picky, and I don't always love how my dad cooks so it really depends on the day...) Pizza (pepperoni and mushroom, or meat lover's), chicken tenders, fast food burgers, bacon, pulled pork, ice cream, chicken thighs... all sure fire ways to cheer me up. Probably highest on the list is chocolate, though, and the darker the better. I'm a chocolate fiend. Do I probably eat more chocolate than I should? Yes. Will I eat less chocolate? Probably not.

Comfort drink(s): I'm mostly a water and milk drinker. The comfort drink, however, is a frozen chocolate from Dunkin Donuts. I do also enjoy me a hot chocolate, but if it's not homemade, I'm less likely to order those out because I'm sensitive to heat and have to wait before I can drink them. Frozen chocolates are my favorite, though. Delicious drink that heals the soul.

Comfort movie(s): Used to be The Lion King when I was younger. These days? This sounds so weird. But it's season two of Neo Yokio, which is just one episode that is a movie. Neo Yokio sounds absolutely weird to call a comfort media. In my low moments, though, Neo Yokio is a place I find myself turning to. I probably should watch it again soon, since I'm having a rough time of things right now.

Comfort show(s): Yugioh GX and Yugioh Vrains are big ones. I love Yugioh and that's probably not a surprise. Outside of that... Delicious in Dungeon is a recent one. Blue Exorcist is one I really need to get back into. I'm sure there's more, but I'm blanking.

Comfort clothing: I love to bundle up in hoodies and sweat pants. If I'm really not feeling well or I'm really tired, I like to hide in the hood.

Comfort song(s): My music tastes are really specific and weird. If I'm driving and don't want to/don't have time to set up Spotify and my phone, I listen to a local hard rock radio station, but I only enjoy maybe 50% of the songs on it. I don't know how to describe my taste in music, so I'll just list off some recent comfort songs. Creep by Radiohead. Square Hammer by Ghost. Several songs from AmaLee's recent album Rise of the Monarch. A good chunk of Toby Fox's music qualifies for this, I think. Face Up Face Down from the Music to Duel By soundtrack. A lot of Steven Universe music qualifies for this (Change Your Mind and Here Comes a Thought are probably the big two). There's more, but. Shrugs.

Comfort book(s): Warriors by Erin Hunter. I recently grabbed one of the books to get free shipping with the Sonic Tarot Deck, but, uh, that package isn't being opened anytime soon for probably obvious reasons. I really want to read it, but it'll make me cry.

Comfort game(s): I have so many of these. I've put almost 600 hours into Pokemon Violet, but also, it's easy to get burnt out on. Phantom Brave is a game I am constantly coming back to. Undertale was a big one for a long time that I put so many hours into playing different routes. The entire Kingdom Hearts series was hugely defining for my childhood and I always love it. Paper Mario is another big one.

Tagged by: @wifeysaremylifey

Tagging: anyone who wants to join in !

[laskyy]

Heyy love! I saw that you're writing for xikers! I love em sm it's not even funny! Anyways! I don't request things normally tbh, BUT here it goes.

Could you do one w My boy Seeun ( GN!reader would be great) where he catches reader muttering/Vibing to tricky house during break (in school/university whatever you want) and can it be best friends to lovers, fluffy?! Ty<3! (Hope this makes sense! Love your writing :} )

Hi love! Thank you so much for requesting!! I found this idea super cute and I hope I did your request justice!! I didn't proof read so sorry for any mistakes as english isn't my first language!! Happy reading <33

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Shanty shanty

Genre: strangers to friends to lovers, fluffy, idol/college student Seeun, college student GN reader

Warnings: just affection in general

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

It was a friday afternoon and you had just finished your last class of the day, but since you had to study for a test you found your usual spot under a tree and sat down to study before it got dark.

Your studying session was going well until everyone started leaving their classes and talking really loud. So you decided to grab your headphones and put on some music.

You opened spotify and tried to choose a song to listen to but you didn't feel like listening to anything you already knew so you searched for newly released songs to listen to.

You eventually came across an album cover that really caught your attention and discovered that the album you found belonged to a group called xikers.

You decided to give it a go and pressed shuffle, all the songs were great and you found yourself more interested in the songs and how good they sounded rather than your studies.

Then you reached a song that caught your interest more than the others it was called "Tricky house".

By the end of the song you found yourself replaying it over and over again until you knew it word by word.

As you became familiar with the song you were able to continue studying while softly singing the lyrics to yourself.

"Shanty shanty yah yah yah"

And before you knew it it was already getting dark so you headed back home still listening to Tricky house.

On monday you arrived at your college and sat down for your first class which was the one you didn't have in common with any of your friends.

While you waited for class to start you pulled out your headphones and resumed listening to xikers.

You played shuffle and Tricky house started playing which you obviously didn't mind.

You were singing to yourself so you didn't notice someone sitting next to you and then tapping your shoulder.

You paused your music and looked at the person who tapped your shoulder and found a very cute tall and blonde boy staring at you with sparkly eyes.

"Hi uhm sorry to bother but I haven't been able to come to class these past few weeks and I was wondering if I could look at your notes? I'm Seeun by the way"

He was cute and shy? Your heart cannot handle this.

"Hi Seeun! I'm Y/n! And yeah you can see my notes that's fine! And if you don't mind me asking why couldn't you come these past few weeks? You don't have to answer if you don't want to!"

"Oh uhm it's just that I work.. yeah I work so I had to work and couldn't come!" He said sounding kind of nervous.

"Oh okay! So here are my notes, just let me know if you don't understand something!"

"Absolutely! Thank you" He said smiling and you could swear you just felt your heart melt from how adorable this boy was.

You and Seeun really hit it off in class and walked together the rest of the day.

You even showed him the tree where you usually studied under and he also loved the spot.

You both sat down and just admired the campus view while sitting in silence.

"So Seeun what do you do for work if you don't mind me asking"

"Well it's kind of complicated, but I work with a group of people and we you know just do our thing?" He said scratching the back of his neck and you sensed that he didn't really want to talk about it so you chaged the subject.

"Okay then, what do you like to do for fun?"

"Oh, I like to sing and dance"

"You do? Can you sing for me?"

"Sure!" He said as he sang a little bit of the first song the came to his mind.

As he sang you couldn't help but notice that his voice sounded familliar but you just brushed that thought off.

As he finished singing you quickly clapped and you swear you saw his cheeks turn red.

"THAT WAS AMAZING!!!! YOU SOULD TOTALLY BE AN IDOL!"

"Haha yeah I should shouldn't I?"

"Totally!"

"What about you?"

As the conversation progressed you could feel Seeun growing closer to you and were happy that you made a new friend!

Months passed and you could consider Seeun one of your best friends but you still found it weird that he sometimes missed entire weeks of college because of his work, but since the first day you met him you never touched that topic again since he looked unconfortable when you guys talked about it.

It was one of those days when Seeun didn't come to college (or so you thought) because he had to work and honestly the more he was away from you the more you realised how much you missed him and how much brighter your days were with him.

You though all of that was just you appreciating his amazing company as a friend but what you saw before your eyes changed that completely.

You looked and saw a person aproach Seeun and get all giggly and all of a sudden they hugged him and he hugged back.

This made you feel weird, jealous even, so jealous you felt bad and left the tree you usually stood under.

You moved to the library and just put your head in your hands and when you realised you were almost falling asleep, so you just let yourself fall into a deep slumber.

"Hey sleepyhead, the library is about to close, come with me I'll take you home" you lifted your head to look at none other than Seeun your best friend and newly found crush.

You didn't answer him, you just stood up and let him follow you to your house without talking.

You reached you house and you were almost heading inside when he grabbed your arm.

"Skeep well ok? Goodnight" He said as he kissed your forehead and walked away leaving you frozen and confused at his sweet and unusual gesture.

Some more months of crushing on Seeun in secret had passed and now you knew Seeun for exatcly a year.. and you also discovered xikers a year ago.. and you were still addicted to Tricky house.

You were in a bench near your classroom alone waiting for the break to end and you decided to listen to some music and you of course settled for Tricky house.

You were mumbling the lyrics when you felt someone sit next to you and you saw Seeun mouthing something.

When you removed your headphones you realized he was singing Tricky house with you?

You must have looked so confused he started laughing at you.

"You know this song?"

"Yeah.. sort of but I came here because I wanted to tell you something"

"Ok go ahead"

"So you might find this really weird, but I really like your company and I never met someone who matched so well with me before and I love that we both like calm spaces and we both cry a lot specially when we watch sad movies, remember that one time when we both sobbed so hard we almost threw u-"

"Seeun get to your point!" You said laughing

He laughed a little "Right sorry, you know I ramble when I'm nervous.. I really really like you, it's not even funny actually, you mean so much to me it's insane!"

"Aw Seeun I like you too!" You said and hugged him so tight he laughed

"Oh and by the way, what do you mean by you sort of know the song?" You asked Seeun

"Well you see, that information is reserved for people who are my partner!" He said while blushing making you laugh

"Alright i guess I'll never kno-"

"Y/N NO"

"Alright sorry! I want to be your partner!" You said laughing at how shy you got from that last sentence

"That's more like it! Now that we're dating I can tell you a little secret I've been keeping for some time.. so remember when I said I worked in a group? Well I do work in a group, but an idol group called xikers, surprise!"

"So you're telling me that I have been listening to xikers this whole time and you were in the group?? How did I never figure it out?"

"Well I actually don't know how! So you see, when I came to college for the first time and I sat next to you, I only sat next to you because I heard you singing our song to yourself and I thought you looked really cute and that I could meet a fan, but you didn't even know who I was! And I thought that you would have found out, but I guess you never watched our stages and all that!"

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU SAW ME THAT DAY AND THAT I NEVER FOUND OUT?!?! By the way, since we're telling things I want to ask you who was the person that hugged you on that day when you woke me up in the library?"

"So that day I had practice and I thought I would come here after class to just hang out with you, but that person came up to me and hugged me saying they were a fan and they were hugging so tight I hugged back hoping they would let go when I acknowledged their affection and they did! And then I saw you go into the library and went after you, when I saw you asleep I sat next to you until the library was about to close so I could take you home"

"Seeun! You really are the sweetest I can't believe you!"

"You make me like this"

You both just stood there looking at each other until he started leaning in and you did too until your lips were inches apart.

"Good morning" Your teacher arrived and opened the door making both you and Seeun disappointed he interrupted your moment.

"Well we should go inside" You said as Seeun followed you and sat next to you while holding your hand under the table you were sitting in the back of the classroom.

You were pretty much zoning out because you couldn't believe Seeun was now your boyfriend until he called you name.

You turned to him and he grabbed your cheek and kissed you softly for a few seconds making you melt in your seat ultil you pulled away remembering where you were.

"SEEUN!" You whisper yelled as you blushed and he giggled

"Relax, the teacher is writing on the board, his back is turned to us" He said as he caressed your cheek again and kissed you, but this time you were more relaxed, this kiss lasted a few more seconds than the last one.

"Love is beautiful but I would appreciate it if you could keep that out of the classroom" Your teacher said making you embarrassed.

"Sorry sir" you said while blushing and looking down.

He resumed the class and Seeun grasped your hand tighter.

"Let's go" he said.

"But the class isn't over yet?"

"I know but didn't he say we had to keep this out of the classroom?"

"Seeun I don't think- SEEUN" He was already pulling you out of the classroom and to the tree you always sat under. You guys spent the rest of the day cuddling and just enjoying each others presence.

[thats-the-teen-spirit]

Top 10 songs of 2023, reviewed by yours truly

As per tradition when Spotify Wrapped comes out I write short reviews of the best songs of the year so here we go:

10. One More Time by blink-182

The biggest reveal from the world of pop punk last year was that blink-182 is back... again. First I was a little sceptical especially after hearing Edging but this song, and its video made me listen. The lyrics are about the long lost friendship between Travis, Mark and Tom, and to be completely honest I shed a couple teardrops the first few times I gave it a listen. Amazing song from an amazing record.

9. Homicide by Magnolia Park

I'm completely new to this band, I found this song randomly in an Instagram reel that caught my attention. It's super catchy, almost Linkin Park-ish vibes that is a little "Octanecore" little pop punk, but nevertheless an absolute banger.

8. Jaded by Spiritbox

Spiritbox is the new shit in the scene, everyone and their mom knows about it. But just a little less than a month ago they put out an EP consisting of 6 melodic and heavy bangers called The Fear of Fear. This song stands out from the EP because of the insanely catchy chorus, the breakdown with the clean guitar melody and just the overall feeling of the song. Courtney has always been open about her influences (even and especially the pop ones) and this song is a great example to it.

7. Lost by Linkin Park

On the 20th anniversary of Meteora, Linkin Park released a bunch of unreleased material from the recording session of the legendary album and this was the first single off of it. What more can I say about it? If you haven't heard it despite liking Linkin Park then shame of you.

6. Without A Whisper by Invent, Animate

Another surprise as I've never been a big fan of the band. Not being so into the Deftones-y spacey vibes before, this band always has been a hit or miss. Until Heavener. It's blended so seemlessly that first I didn't even notice that there's now screaming instead of singing with a bunch of reverb. I still almost never skip this song despite Heavener being released earlier this year.

5. Fake Out by Fall Out Boy

This one is probably the only song on the list that is not a single, not even the top 3 from their album So Much (for) Stardust. The boys are officially back and this song proves it, The falsetto hook in the chorus got stuck in my head after the first few listens. I'm really really glad they are back to playing instrumental music because that's what they do best.

4. Might Love Myself by Beartooth

For me this year was about healing. Healing from a past breakup, losing my previous job, and just in general the depressing reality of adulthood. After hearing the first singles from the latest Beartooth album it was obvious that Caleb, the singer for the band had been through a similar journey prior to writing this record. This song stands out for me because of the overwhelmingly positive self-loving lyrics that are a must-listen when you have been through a lot of shit. I also like the little "whoo" before the second chorus, it really makes it sound like Caleb had a lot of fun recording it.

3. Haunted by Spanish Love Songs

The most underrated band on the list by a landmile. Also probably the most depressing band I've ever listened to, which says something. The whole new record No Joy has some really interesting musical changes from the previous ones, there's less screaming, less distorted guitars, it has more of a The Killers vibe than something off tumblr's 2015 pop punk hardcore best of (looking at you The Story So Far). Haunted is a bittersweet tune about being nostalgically sad about the old days, and for an old fart that is closer to 30 than to 20 it's a comforting thing that I'm not alone with this feeling.

2. LosT by Bring Me The Horizon

What do you get when you mix 'I'm not Okay' and current era Bring Me The Horizon? That's right, this fucking banger. I think throughout the year this song was the only one that I've never skipped. The pop punk-emo feeling is in every note, the breakdown is easily my most favorite of the year, the callout for it is even. "I think i'm gonna break down". Fucking genius by the most dynamic songwriting duo of the music scene, Oli and Jordan. The powerpop elements are also fun to listen to, it just blends really well. 10/10 banger, looking forward to the EP.

Ascensionism/Take Me Back To Eden by Sleep Token

The biggest band of the year was 100% Sleep Token. My Spotify was POSSESSED by their music this year, so obviously it was a tough choice to pick a song from their latest album so I cheated a little with the longest, most progressive songs of the record. Their music feels like a religious experience for me and the best example to this is Ascensionism, the "YOU MAKE ME WISH I COULD DISAPPEAR" line hits, the rap part fits perfectly, the guitars are heavy as balls, the piano intro is the perfect introduction, it's a 12/10 song, it's that good

And honestly I have the same feelings about Take Me Back to Eden. The titular song and its callbacks to Chokehold made me feel like I'm in a chokehold myself. The epitome of great songwriting was when from the nature sounds through rapping we got to the heaviest, low tuned breakdown of the last couple years

So there you have it, my personal top 10+1 list. If you read my review this far, thank you.

[midnightpillsnacking]

[Loulou*di S3V4 L 3-16] Hana-Doll 3rd Season THINK OF ME:DEJA VU Translation

Translation below the cut. Google Drive link | Listen to the album on Spotify

(Door opens)

Staff Member A: Good morning.

Toki: (breathing slowly)

Staff Member A: Do you know your own name?

Toki: I’m… Sakurai Toki. Isn’t that right?

Staff Member A: Yes. Seems like you slept well.

Toki: You can tell?

Staff Member A: From the decline in your sleep activity and muscle activity, yes. While you were asleep, did you have any dreams?

Toki: Dreams…?

Staff Member A: It’s alright if you can’t remember in full detail. Bits and pieces of it would be sufficient. When you closed your eyes, did you see anything?

Toki: I saw… a lot of light.

Staff Member A: Light? What was the light like?

Toki: It was… endless and everywhere, like stars. It was like I could stare at it forever. It was a sight I could never look away from. And sometimes… I could hear it. Voices upon voices that saw me for who I am.

Staff Member A: And how did you feel during that experience?

Toki: How I ‘felt’...? 

Staff Member A: Please try to put your thoughts into words.

Toki: I thought… that this was where I belonged. The light proved to me my reason to live, my reason to exist. I felt that I had to reach my ideal, to transform into the perfect being.

Staff Member A: What is your ideal?

Toki: In the world called ‘Loulou*di’ that Ageha-san will create, I will live as one of the gears that makes it revolve. I want nothing else.

Staff Member A: A gear? That’s quite reminiscent of a machine.

Toki: I’m not a machine. A person like Doctor wouldn’t get how I feel.

Staff Member A: How you feel…?

Toki: I want… to be with Ageha-san and Rui-san soon, and together we’ll reach the top… For that, I’ll do whatever it takes…!

-

(Door opens)

Staff Member A: Good morning. Do you know your own name?

Rui: Hinagi Rui.

Staff Member A: How about the name of the unit you’re from?

Rui: It’s Loulou*di.

Staff Member A: When you were asleep, did you experience any dreams?

Rui: Considering what you might regard as ‘dreams’, how should I answer?

Staff Member A: What’s the matter?

Rui: I’m asked about my dreams every time, and I’m beginning to think that I’ve been giving the wrong answers.

Staff Member A: I see. It seems like we’ve given off the wrong impression. This is simply standard as part of the examination, so you’ll be fine as long as you answer according to what you think is right.

Rui: Understood. But it seems like I’ve forgotten what dreams I had.

Staff Member A: Then, allow me to change the question.

Rui: Hm?

Staff Member A: Right now, what is the one thing you wish for the most?

Rui: Is that question also standard for the examination?

Staff Member A: That’s for us to handle.

Rui: My wish… is to maintain Loulou*di’s worldview and to reach the peak set by Ageha’s desires.

Staff Member A: Is that truly what you yourself want?

Rui: Why do you ask?

Staff Member A: What I’m asking for is not superficiality, but what’s from the bottom of your heart, your true wish, according to your instincts.

Rui: True…?

Staff Member A: Please think about how your feelings stand as they are now.

Rui: Are you thinking about something that might waver my instincts?

Staff Member A: I don’t know. To us, data is everything. (types in something) I’ll ask once again. What is the one thing you wish for the most, from the bottom of your heart?

-

(A clock chimes)

Ageha: …This is…?

(Door opens)

Staff Member A: Ah, you’re awake.

Ageha: The medical team…?

Staff Member A: Good morning. Are you able to state your own name?

Ageha: … It’s Karasuma Ageha.

Staff Member A: How about the name of the unit–

Ageha: Just why… am I here? I believe the schedule for routine examinations hasn’t been decided yet.

Staff Member A: It’s not out of the question during times of emergency. You were brought here after you collapsed in your dorm.

Ageha: !! I collapsed?

Staff Member A: We’ve prescribed some sleeping pills. Please take them after you return to your dorm.

Ageha: I’ll do without. Are you aware, Doctor, that those don’t even work as placebos?

Staff Member A: For the purpose of maintaining fairness, even the number of prescriptions for medications, be it of any type, are being monitored. You seem particularly more on edge than usual today.

Ageha: An accurate observation. It’d be more strange to not be on edge in this situation. Do you think of me as some emotionless, helpless mouse that’s playing along with your experiments?

Staff Member A: Not reigning in your agitation will affect your flower. We’ll also prepare to prescribe some medication for your mental state. Allow me to collect some data to determine whether that will be necessary.

Ageha: (sighs)

Staff Member A: I’ll carry on with the questions. When you were asleep, did you experience any dreams?

Ageha: No, not at all.

Staff Member A: A rough impression of it will suffice. Do you remember, even just a little?

Ageha: I would have told you if I did. I don’t have a reason to hide from you. My honest cooperation is pivotal to the success of the Hana*Doll Project. I understand that clearly.

Staff Member A: Then, my next question pertains to when you collapsed in the dorm. Do you remember what you were doing before you lost consciousness?

Ageha: … I was checking the music video for the new song.

Staff Member A: Why?

Ageha: Because I was thinking about the perfect performance for the music awards. Is that something so strange?

Staff Member A: No. Let’s move on.

Ageha: I, too, have a question for you, Doctor.

Staff Member A: What is it?

Ageha: When I was asleep, did you inject Water into me?

Staff Member A: That’s… Why do you ask?

Ageha: Did you or did you not? It’s a simple question. It’s a drug that stabilizes the influence on the flower, isn’t it? Haven’t you all been utilizing it like a convenience many times, this whole while?

Staff Member A: That’s…

Ageha: It’s injected into Anthos*. But is there a reason why it’s not injected into me?

Staff Member A: … Where did you hear that from?

Ageha: As I thought. That’s how it was.

Staff Member A: !! Don’t move. Your body is still–

Ageha: I couldn’t care less about what happens to them. I will do anything to become perfection itself, to be recognised by President Amagiri. Like a pupa that cannibalizes its own skin to become a beautiful butterfly, like Chihiro, turning into a form befitting of them–it’s what I will do. Then the President surely would acknowledge me, above anyone else. I’ll ask again. When I was unconscious, did you inject Water into me?

Staff Member A: Just why are you so fixated on the Water?

Ageha: It’s nothing like fixation. Please stop saying as though I want it.

Staff Member A: Then are you saying that you don’t need it?

Ageha: Perhaps I should answer that question of yours about dreams, Doctor. I only dreamt of one thing: surpassing order to reach the new heights of idols and scaling to its summit, becoming perfect. It would be possible for me, was what President Amagiri said.

Staff Member A: The existence you hope for aligns with our goals.

Ageha: But we’re not in agreement at all.

Staff Member A: Excuse me?

Ageha: The perfection you aim for is an imitation. Something born from a man-made invention put in a bottle. A defective monster who derides heaven. I will never become something like that. I won’t rely on drugs, but on my own strength, and become a new pioneer. Without fail.

Staff Member A: Please hold on–(something clatters) A-ah! What are you–?!

Ageha: Like I’d let myself be swallowed by some useless flower!

-

Staff Member B: Seems like you had a lot to deal with here.

Staff Member A: I apologize. I’ll clean this up in a bit.

Staff Member B: Did something happen with the Doll?

Staff Member A: Yes. When talking about Water his response is nothing short of deranged, but he takes his obsession with becoming the perfect Doll like it’s a normal thing for him.

Staff Member B: Humans will naturally obsess over things that are beyond their reach. That’s why we don’t give Water to that Doll. Like with plants, there are seeds that are harder to raise, and seeds that can be raised without hassle. The flowers and their hosts, too, have their own natures.

Staff Member A: Are you saying that even without Water, his flower can stabilize on its own?

Staff Member B: Not at all. Whether the Water is injected or not depends on the situation. There’s a high possibility that the flower will start to weaken if we inject more Water at this state.

Staff Member A: If I recall, administration of Water to Kisaragi Kaoru from Anthos* has also been stopped, right? But right now, his flower is stable and seems to be progressing towards full bloom.

Staff Member B: That’s a special case. I’m not sure of the details, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that he’s completely different from the other Dolls.

Staff Member A: Different as in…?

Staff Member B: Since the seed was implanted in him, the method of blooming and the progress of growth for the flower have all been different. So, there’s not much to talk about if we want to draw comparisons.

Staff Member A: …But, even now, Karasuma Ageha’s condition has been making progress. Just now, and even before he was admitted, his memories are…

Staff Member B: It’s better if you keep your emotions out of your judgments. Beyond assisting in the growth of the Dolls, the slow-release effect of Water enables some quality of life. It might seem like a miracle pill at first glance, but the toll it takes on the Dolls is too much to bear.

Staff Member A: But what if we put stabilizing their condition as our forefront priority? Even if the toll gets raised, it would still be a favorable treatment to them, right? Maybe we could start administration for Anthos*.

Staff Member B: Ah, if you’re talking about the example Doll Shorai Chitose, that was Dr Toudou’s orders. The effect of his mental state on his flower turned out to be greater than expected. Taking into account the other Dolls’ conditions, administering Water seems to be the most optimal treatment.

Staff Member A: But even with a case like that, Karasuma Ageha might still refuse the Water. He might have realized something beyond what we predicted.

Staff Member B: Whether he’s realized something or not, his fate has already been sealed. He can chase those dreams all he wants, but without scientific clinical trials, he can’t escape reality. Well, we should get a move on with cleaning up. The next task is…

Staff Member A: Seems there’s been people talking about us returning Sakurai Toki to the House very soon. If we continue trying to keep things under wraps, it might become a problem for their idol activities and we’ll have to deal with a lot of heat. Besides…

Staff Member B: Besides?

Staff Member A: Even when he seemed entirely desensitized to emotion, he still desperately wanted to be with those two. If we return him to the House now, it would be like a repeat of that case with Anthos*.

Staff Member B: When with a flower that rejects Water, the success rate of the Water will be shared… Whatever action we decide to take next, we need to keep a close eye on the situation.

-

Ageha: I collapsed… and had to be carried over? What I was doing before? Dammit! I’m running out of time, I still have things I absolutely have to finish… 

(A notification comes in.)

Ageha: A message?

[lesbianlenas]

ok well let’s see i hate the album title so that puts me off to start w. what also puts me off is seeing 16 songs which says to me that she made too many songs rather than focusing on making less really good ones so i’m already like ok this is going to be not so great. i am going to listen to florida!!! first as a huge florence fan but i will listen to the rest in order after that ok i will put a read more here for my thoughts on each song

florida!!!: “my friends all smell like weed or little babies” 😭😭😭😭😭 songwriter of our generation ok…..let me be real florence shows taylor up in this song so much she’s just such an artist and her part sounds so good vs taylor’s part is just ok. so first part is ok the rest of the song is really good actually. the parts where they sing together are also really good. florence is great at doing backing vocals for both herself & taylor. thank u florence 🙏 9/10

fortnight: found this p boring it’s ok. not terrible or like bad or anything. it’s fine. i feel like it could be any song ever tho. didn’t need post malone on this at all. 5/10

the tortured poets department: “we declared charlie puth should be a bigger artist” girl what……her lyrics are so weird sometimes fr. first of all he has 35 mil listeners on spotify i think he is big enough. second of all why didn’t u ft him on the album then taylor? idk why i’m beefing over this lyric i just think it’s stupid. girl i listen to artists w like 100k listeners i think THEY should be bigger artists. this one was ok it sounds like a taylor swift song. i guess if u liked taylor swift u would probably like this. 5/10

my boy only breaks his favorite toys: this one is a little more interesting sounding i guess but all three of these songs have kind of sounded the same so far….probably liked this one the best so far since it at least had some variances in the sounds in the chorus and the bridge and outro 6/10

down bad: why does she have to sing in this breathy way in every song it’s so boring 😭 like girl i’m assuming you can sing fr right? this sounds just like the first 2 songs 😭 the way she is saying fuck in like every song is so funny to me tho it’s like she is in middle school and said fuck for the first time and was like hold on now i can say this constantly :) 4/10

so long london: god finally a song that sounds a little different 😩 and she’s actually singing a little more in this one and has a little emotion in her voice. 7/10

but daddy i love him: hate this title so much god….and almost 6 mins 😩 god back to the breathy voice again. ok at least the chorus is interesting. she’s too old for this song she’s in her 30s and this sounds like love story pt 2. girl if ur dad is stopping u from marrying some guy in ur 30s that’s a problem. this feels more like a taylor swift song now that she stopped doing the breathy voice in the rest of the song. this isn’t bad i don’t like the concept of it but it sounds good actually hate that. i would have really liked this age 14 or smth…..8/10

fresh out the slammer: this sounds like the other songs again and she’s doing that breathy voice in the chorus girl open your mouth idk 😭 did nothing for me at all 4/10

florida!!! (again): going to listen a second time now that i’ve heard the other songs. ok i can appreciate this even more now bc it has some variance to it after so many of those songs sounded the same 😩 i do like this song i’m glad she went more for sounding like a florence song than trying to make florence adapt more for her style it makes the song really stand out. 9/10 still

guilty as sin?: it’s ok more interesting than some of the others but nothing that really stands out to me 6/10

who’s afraid of little old me: finally using her voice a little in this song 😩 i like how she yells who’s afraid of little me. i actually like this one i like that she’s angry god she’s actually feeling smth here 😭 i would actually listen to this again probably 8/10

i can fix him (no i really can): is this abt matty healy 😑 doesn’t do this for me at all and is insanely heterosexual. 2/10

loml: this is boring idk what else to say. like this is just like. yeah ok. girl you don’t need this song at all i think u said this already in a song that was somewhat more interesting idk. 2/10

i can do it with a broken heart: ok this one is more interesting again and it’s a little faster. i think i actually like this one omg 😩 i wish it didn’t get slow at some parts but this is the closest she has to a fun song on this album so far. 8/10

the smallest man who ever lived: this one has good parts & boring parts. the first half is whatever but i liked the second part. again the best parts are the ones where she actually sounds like she cares and the music has some emotion rather than just being a beat. 6/10

the alchemy: this song sounds like all the songs on this album were put together and this was the song that was produced from that like 😭 this sounds like every single song on this. 5/10

clara bow: not her referencing herself in this song……this song was so whatever. idk what the point of it was. 4/10

final thoughts: this could have been a potentially good album if she knew how to edit herself. so many of these songs sound the same and say the same things in different words she should have just taken the best parts of them and put them together and made less really good songs instead of just making several songs that sound the same and are mediocre bc of it. i also think she is going herself a massive disservice by leaning into the indie sound again like girl yes phoebe bridgers is popular but u don’t have to be her. i feel like she has lost all sense of personality behind her own work this feels so like. an ai could have made it genuinely. it’s like she is trying to have a mature sound at the cost of entirely removing any of herself from it at all. this was like listening to one really long song tbh w a few songs that stood out but for the most part you could just put them all together and listen to an hr long song and u wouldn’t notice. like that’s not good 😭 i wish she had someone to be like taylor. u don’t need these extra songs. let’s make these songs really good instead. i also wish she would get a new producer or smth that would help her make actually interesting and compelling music instead of just having the same dull background music and her doing that breathy voice that’s barely singing. ok sorry to rag on her for so long but she is a billionaire she has the freedom to make real expressive art that could be experimental or interesting if she wanted to and she just makes. this. like girl u have enough money stop making music for money & start making it for the art of it all. w peace and love. those are my thoughts.

[thelaurenshippen]

I just listened to the finale of @bridgewaterpodcast (out this friday!) so I thought it'd be appropriate to share my secret playlist for the season. if you're not caught up, look away.

I shared my notes on this playlist (and will share my notes for the season two playlist next month) in my monthly mixtape newsletter! and if you want access to all my playlist notes that I've shared in the past, you can become an atypipal plus! but this month, I'm gonna share my notes right here, under the cut:

I didn’t set out to make this playlist, but as I was building both the season and its accompanying playlist, I realized that there were songs popping up that felt right for the season but separate from the main characters. I quickly figured out that these were songs for the Legend Tripper, our mysterious friend turned antagonist. The playlist is called “The LT” because I wanted to make sure no one could figure out what it was for if it was hanging on my Spotify profile (thought I did make it private, I’m always paranoid) and also that’s how we refer to her in the script, especially since the role was not written for a specific gender and therefore all the scripts used “The LT” in place of most pronouns until Tricia was cast. 

I wanted this playlist to feel like wandering into the forest and then slowly realizing that you’re far more lost than you thought. So there’s not a lot of story in this playlist, or even that much character work, just the creeping sensation that you’re not as safe as you thought you were. That someone is having fun at your expense. It’s about the vibes, baby. 

1. “The Rockrose and the Thistle” – The Amazing Devil

LOVE starting with a totally a cappella creepy lullaby type song. 

And I know the kindest thing/Is to leave you alone

2. “Spirit Walks” – Nerina Pallot

Dark is the forest/And bitter are the trees/But I don’t fear/The spirit walks with me

3. “Devil’s Spoke” – Laura Marling

But I am your keeper/And I hold your face away from light/I am yours till they come

4. “It Will Come Back” – Hozier

As with the main Season 2 playlist, there’s two Hozier songs on this one as well! What can I say, this album is perfect. I am obsessed with this idea of feeding something dangerous and it coming back again and again–be careful what you feed. And the casual way in which this sharp-toothed thing is putting the onus on you, the listener – “you know better”, etc. Giving a warning with no intention of heeding it. Jeepers creepers, Hozier is a good lyricist

Don’t let it in with no intention to keep it/Jesus Christ, don’t be kind to it/Honey, don’t feed it, it will come back

5. “Your Fault/Last Midnight” – Into the Woods

The other side of the coin to the placement of “No More” on the Season 2 playlist. This song doesn’t necessarily flow so well in this actual playlist, but it is a song I listened to ad nauseum, especially when writing the last two episodes. The LT is the witch toying with everyone’s petty human problems, even if narratively speaking they serve very different kinds of functions. Also “Your Fault” is just one of the best patter songs ever written. 

6. “In the Woods Somewhere” – Hozier

No lyrics to pull out of this specifically, because the whole song is just a great, creepy narrative. This is when the playlist turns from the LT to more of Jeremy’s POV on the LT. 

7. “Killer + the Sound” – Phoebe Bridgers, Noah Gunderson & Abby Gunderson

There’s a frenetic, disjointed energy I wanted to accomplish with this playlist, the feeling that you can never get your footing and I love that this song, like the one from “Into the Woods” is really two songs in one. 

Nothing ever comes, ever comes if you call it/Choking like a dog, like a dog on a collar/Open up your mouth, your mouth if you want it/Listen for the sound, the sound/The sound is coming down

8. “Flowers” – Hadestown

I opted for the musical version of this song over the Anais Mitchell because I’d already broken the musical theater seal on this playlist and, tbh, I just love singing along to this version. Without spoiling, Jeremy as Eurydice, the LT as Hades…I’ve already said too much.