#so many ideas so little tiem and energy..

[ryuubff]

spoilers for “solomon takes the train” ur+ card

regardless of this unfamiliar, yet familiar world we’re in, you are the only constant i only ever see.

(keep reading for my “solomon and mc only have eo bc theyre the only humans” rambling)

MORE BRAINWORMS THAT JUST. Upholds my headcanon from yesterday of how youre both the only humans in the devildom at this point (and also in the main game at RAD) BECAUSE OF THE GAWDAMN SOLOMON CARD 😭😭😭

you can find solace in each other as no demon and angel can truly understand a human … than another human !!!

and the fact that solomon feels the same way too despite being an immortal sorcerer whos thousands of years old …. youd think that he wouldnt feel this way since hes been alive for so long but it make sense that he, too, still feels lonely.

also this was just so. 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Im so glad he went back in time just to support us and is willing to stay until we find a way to get back . he even wants to stay there befause we dont live in the house of lamentation so hes able to have mc longer than he would back in the original timeline

anwyay i didnt fully color this fic bc i spent too long trying to figure out how to draw this and i just wanna talk abt knwoign sol and mc find peace and reassurance in eo in Knowing theyre still human and the Only humans is CANON is just fucking me UP i care for them so much……… THANK YOU OM!NB…

[incarnateirony]

So now I’m gonna be that butch bitch.

Socially relevant wide topics is not a specific sub blog of anyone that happens to hold an opinion in that topic. I barely even touch my home tab because of how insufferable this fandom dialogue tends to be beyond scrolling through entire vats of whatever the hell is going on and addressing it in general address in a wide host of conversational points. Which literally anyone can see with how few blogs I engage and how rare a burst of gif reblogging even is. Did you tag me directly and land in my notification stream, no, then I probably have no idea what you’re saying. This isn’t hard.

This, on the other hand, is a petty gay sub blog.

Please note there’s a very distinct difference between these and LGBT cinema discussion someone may or may not take offense to.

I’ll give you a hint: my sub blogs are short, pointed, sassy, generally include a random media reference like a video game video or this little piece of art, and are doused in sarcasm. They’re the fandom version of “ok, boomer”. Sure, I do sub blog. We all do. Let’s be real dears. But nah fam. That ain’t it.

Anyone that insists on projecting themselves into a set of shoes left on the floor is free to do so, but they need to recognize that’s what they’re doing with general discussion. No, picking a fight with me on a different social media platform and then pretending any other conversation is targeting you isn’t how it works. I can’t stop anyone from recoiling to the content. And I’ve been EXTREMELY forward on where the door is if they want to continue using regressive angles or taking personal offense to general conversation points. This isn’t new.

Jesus fucking christ.

And for the love of fuck stop treating me like I’m some big name fan. I don’t do conventions, events, actors, I don’t give a shit about shipping culture, I don’t do FB groups, I’m literally not *here* for any of that bullshit. Respectively having a few thousand followers isn’t *shit* on a platform where the big blogs range 8-14,000. I am not. Here. For this clout. Chasing. Bullshit. And I don’t want it anywhere near me. And I didn’t ask to be any kind of leader, or want to be any kind of leader, and magically, this BNF leader that I am had a grand total of 0 fucking people coming at anybody. Just a few telling them to stop escalating their own internalized issues against someone else. If you think that’s unreasonable, I don’t know what to fucking tell you.

If you’re here for fandom drama or personal validation, please, leave me the *fuck* alone. I am not here to be the mother to 2000 grown assed people. Thankfully many of you are reasonable, but for whatever 1% is out there getting *mad* that I’m not conforming, I swear to god, leave me the FUCK ALONE.

I have never been a proper agent of fandom. I have never obligated myself to washes of fandom yelling regardless of if it’s “my lane” or “my friend.” And no, I’m not due to “self reflect” just because *somebody else chose to think I was talking about them.* That’s not how that WORKS. I can’t self-reflect to magically engineer intentions or thoughts somebody else put in their head and projected my way, holy shit balls man.

You wanna know why people talk bullshit about Destiel fandom? This narcissistic manipulative bullshit, this false extremization of talking points, all of it. And no, not every Destiel fan does that before someone warps that. But there’s a reason so many people are hiding from this shit in tag commentary, and it’s THIS. You can deadass say “While I agree we should aspire for better representation we should also make sure to not trample on the work of what people ARE fighting for right now” and SOME FUCKER, SOME WHERE, will turn that into “You’re telling us to settle and stop fighting! You’re a homophobe!” even though it says the opposite JUST ABOVE WHATEVER THEY’RE EXAGGERATING, and yet SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, will be like “You know what, this resonates with my current feelings, now I’m going to make it dictate this real person’s reality even though that is clearly NOT WHAT THEY’RE FUCKING SAYING.”

I have. ALWAYS. Said. I am not here. For fandom bullshit. This 0 to 100, all or nothing, black or white, Fall In With The Hoard Or Perish By Us Lying And Footstomping And Demanding People Unfollow The Person Who Won’t Fite Me Nao *bullshit.* No, taking a strong stance or having a strong opinion contrary to the Borg is not hArAsSmEnt. What’s fucking harassment is intentionally stalking down people’s materials to pick fights across multiple SM platforms and trying to make it all about YOU while they’re minding their bullshit on their own walls. CHECK YOURSELVES. What’s ~~bullying~~ is trying to incite hive mind attacks. What’s abuse is demanding anyone else tolerate it, much less warping “them or me” choices just because someone *disagrees* with you. 

Nobody sent anybody at the person in question. In fact, they sent themselves, and continued to double down that it had to all be about them, then directed friends to engage and continue it afterwards. The only person that outted them was them, and they fucking @’ed me, so I don’t know what the *fuck* you expected from me. Even if I WAS sub blogging them -- which 1000% not -- not a soul on the fucking planet would have known them until they threw themselves out into the field because IT WAS ADDRESSING MULTIPLE FANDOM TOPICS; and even when they threw themselves out, nobody actually came at them. They just told them to stop. ... And then after that when their friends were told I won’t judge them? ESCALATION! YOU MUST COME ATTACK ME! uh, no. That’s not how this works. Maybe that’s how you’re all used to this working, but that’s not how this works. I can very well say “Kay, whatever you wanna do with yourself” and leave it there.

I don’t ask anybody to come to my wall. I don’t ask you to come pick fights with me. I don’t ask you to troll across multiple media platforms looking for an opening just to get mad when I’m already too exhausted to deal with you. 

I can tell you the one thing you probably shouldn’t do though, and that’s follow a fandom commentary opinion blog and head nod and bobble to it and go “YEAH, YEAH!!” until your own general behavior crops up into the discussion and then turn into a bunch of rabid bobcats and start saying you had a problem with that blog the whOEL tiEM. So, what, you... agreed when it suited you while having a problem with my methods? They’re only a problem if they apply to someone you prefer? 

Get out. I literally do not have the time and energy for this bullshit. I am literally in the middle of my second legal battle in a year while dealing with crippling pain, I can BARELY make my own content BEYOND this conversation, I haven’t even been able to edit for like two weeks,  my game and my projects are all indefinitely paused, I fucking PROMISE YOU that randomopinion dot tumblr dot com is not the highlight of what I’m just out here to inspire shit for, holy shit. Like sure fam, I can barely walk into dollar general to buy a pizza for dinner right now, my house is in limbo, I’m trying to work side jobs while my hip is literally falling apart and my spine is disconnecting from my ribs intermitantly, I might puncture a lung with the effort of sitting down, but you know what I want to do? Stick it to some random FUCKER on tumblr (who can’t keep themselves off of my content while pretending I’m coming at them.) 

If you’d like, with the magic Clap On Clap Off Gay TV invention, if we can also come up with “disability trade” for a feature to live one day in the life of someone, I would gladly invite you to deal with the pain of your anatomy trying to casually rearrange itself. I mean, if we’re all about shoving ourselves into random shoes, go ahead and try mine on. See if you have the patience for this kind of fandom bullshit, let alone to methodically do whatever the fuck a segment of fandom decided I did as some sort of machiavellian plan to sub blog someone I didn’t know fucking existed beyond some other random name account trolling into the middle of an existing conversation on a whole other social media platform.

Is it absolute bullshit to kick into the middle of a conversation, not catch up on the conversation, assume the worst of a conversation because you heard something applicable to you, and to start yelling at people having a conversation that had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU? Yes, yes it fucking is. No, I don’t care you think I’m holding some grudge from when you farted wrong in the room earlier today, your self consciousness on that front is yours, not mine, fart the fuck away.

Is it even more bullshit to say you aren’t obligated to catch up to the conversation you entered with this angle to and pretend it’s everybody else’s fault? Sure the fuck is. Is it bullshit to @ someone and make literally famously socially abusive demands and then pretend anyone came at *you* after you superman jumped one, two, and five assumptions that it was ABOUT YOU? To just double down because someone’s your *friend* even when the barest application of logic would show they walked in yelling at someone unrelated to them before they set up their drama with a whole ass bass boosting entertainment boom box for everybody? Why yes, yes that is a huge pile of bull shit. I’m not sure why this is a hard thing to grok.

So sure, now I’m sub blogging you. Because somewhere, in the midst of me blogging on every platform about people’s application of bad faith arguments, you decided to bad faithedly attach some sort of fucking motivation to my posts that made it all about *you*. The irony is fucking mind blowing.

I’m so. Done. With this shit.

[swayinghummingbirds]

i feel like i need to blog more stuff out of me to research my own thoughts ignore me or help me either is welcomed. 

so like i was diagnosed with mdd , panic/anxiety disorder so i know how it goes and how it feels and all that jazz. used to be on medication and not for almost two years. i can usually cope well since while i was on medication ifound many ways to do so. but now ive come across season affective disorder and i gotta say i am not a fucking fan. i cant bring myself to do the coping mechanisms because im fucking cold and there is no sun ever.  

this time last year i felt the exact same way and almost moved back to fl but didnt want to give up on tn yet. but im wondering is it maybe time to give up on it? i have no family here. and my family is expanding and growing without me. which makes it worse. 

ive been where i am for almost a year now and its been good. but there are no sidewalks like anywhere? im so tired of sharing walls. sure, its a townhouse and its pretty big and two floors and fire place but my neighbors are so annoying and for some reason in tennessee so many people think its absolutely okay to let their dogs out with leashes? 

knoxville is a really cool city and ive loved living here but idk if i can stand the winter. and its just a mild winter, idk how yall in the north handle it. i see now why when i moved abck to pa for 8 months my mom had it by the time march came around and we moved back to fl. 

a part of me feels like i might even just get bored with where i am after a certain amount of time considering how i was brought up. i have moved 17 times, which is wild for a child. probably why i have a hard time making friends too. 

tried leaving work yesterday after i got my list done (usually isnt a problem for my manager but the ass. manager always fights me with it). i told him three times i already had 2 1/2 hours of overtime and ill be leaving when im finished but bitch never listens to me and acts like he didnt hear me say it to his damn face.Usually i ask just to be polite and make sure but this time im telling him. kind of snapped on him because the day before i just cried all fucking day and had that feeling in my stomach and felt the same way when i woke up. old me would have called out, one because the position i was in was easily fillable but now im actually needed so i go to do my job and if i get done early that means im working my ass off and sweating like a pig to get done three hours early. (and the girl who does the work on the two days im off never gets the shit down or sets the room or anything up in order to have a good morning because the whole thing is very time sensitive and its very frustrating. also she called out like three times this week and made my week shittier than it needed to be.) like bitch no that doesnt mean i want to stay and help with other things after exerting so much energy that i dont even have in myself to begin with. so anyways i cried and then the manager came and talked to me and was understanding because he is aware of my mental health issues and i forgot steve- the ass manager (assistant manager , but also ass because he can be an ass) was not aware. so all in all i talked to my manager and told him and he was very supportive and then i went to apologize to steve and he reassured me i was valued and adored here which was nice. and i had to basically tell him if im trying to leave early it usually means because im feeling like a crazy bitch whos on the break of a mental breakdown so. quit fighting me. 

so anyways. 

even if i did move back fl ive finally gotten myself where i wanted to be in my job but i guess if it was meant to be the universe will take care of it just like it did when we moved here. 

a week before almost moving back to fl my grandparents came to visit and we were in crossville, which is the half way point from here to where we were living at the time and i was like hey lets try knoxville and the next day we went to look at apartments and as we were looking this place went up for rent almost as if the universe here, ask and you shall receive. because i was only looking at places that was in between the three stores that we could have possibly transferred to because i had no idea which one it was going to be i just new it was going to happen. and then when trying to transfer we my fiancees assistant manager knew the manager at this store here and said that he would take both of us and needed help in the area i wanted to be in and i was like wow amazing its all working out. and it did and it was great and then it got cold. and then holidays came. and birthdays came. and i ive learned so much about myself and i feel like yes i needed this part of my life. and now im not sure if istill need it. 

we have a vision of owning a little home a nice big plot of land near the mountains with a spring and creek on site with woods around. if we kept it up and really searched when the time came yeah im feel like we could find it. but what if i still feel this way when were there? then weve bought a home and it would be harder to get rid of. i have a vision of my own business with yoga. i find myself in capable of moving between the months of decemeber and march. then what. even when i get on to the mat i cant get into the flow. 

and what if we move back to fl. would he resent me for giving up on our dreams? will i be tired of people demanding my time and energy? will i bitch about the heat all the time and the fact that neighbros are every where? probably, yes, yes, and yes. 

but will i resent him for not moving back to spend our lives with our families? will i resent myself for not listening to the feeling in my stomach? or would i resent myself if i did listen to that feeling and gave up on the mountainous dreams. 

i know we would welcomed back with opened arms and i know not many would miss us here. 

the mountains are beautiful and so mystical when there. i wonder how it would be to live there. i always end up feeling so creeped out at some point of hikes because i feel like something is watching us, and i know there is, there is always is whether its and animal or a spirit. but sometimes those spirits, or beings, are just so strong of a force. what if we bought a property with one of those that wouldnt be able to make peace with us? i always imagined if we ended up with a property with strong entities then we would make peace and ring singing bowls and plant luscious plants for them. but what if they hate it all. and what if our neighbors down the street end up being cannabilistic cult people? what if some animal tried to maul my dog (which already happens frequently, shes a chihuahua everything is out to get her). what if something happens at oak ridge? i had no idea i was living next to a giant nuclear power plant thing. 

but then its like okay what if theres a giant hurricane that tears my house down (i had a tree fall on my house during matthew which is one reason why we left) or the storm sturge sweeps my house away. trey is scared of tsunamis, not that one has happened there probably ever, idk but it is a weird fear of his. surprisingly tornados do happen in tn too. 

and a day like today, where trey is working all day and i have the day off. there isnt much to do. its cold out so i cant sit on my patio for a few hours like i would in the summer. i dont like to go shopping. i dont have a friend to hang out with, which is my own fault people im really not a big people person. i have hung out with a couple a few tiems, and idk ij ust would rather not. but if i were in fl i could go hang out with my brother, or treys sister, or the few friends i have there. or go to the beach and sit on my own, because its not fucking weird to sit alone there and usually you dont have to worry about getting mugged. i cant go to the parks here on my own. i cant take my dog for walks around here because there are no side walks and people just look shady af everywhere. 

when i went to visit for my brothers wedding in october i realized how i did not appriciate the plant life naturally around all year round when i lived there for 11 years. i guess mostly because it wasnt until two years ago that i really got in to plants but omg i cant stop imagining what our yard would look like if we were in aplace where things could just be outside all year round. i would take cuttings of my plants andjust put them every where have my own little tropical paradise in my front and back yard. 

i know this all is really sounding one sided atm but this time last year i was having the exact same visions and the exact same thoughts. and i thought about how what if my brother has kids and im up here well hello here we are now and thats happening. i feel like i need to be there. theres even a house for sale on the same street as him and all i could was fantasize what i would do to the house and how i would baby sit for them and be able to see my dog that i left with him because ultimately she was is but we co owned her together and just to be there. and be with my mom. shes living in orland with her boyfriend and i feel like the fact shes goingt o be a grandmother might sway him into moving closer, she hates the city and i imagine shes just as depressed as i am to be away and to be in a city where you dont feel safe to go outside alone. we are creatures of nature and both pisces and very sensitive to everything. 

and what if trey and i have a baby at some point? we have no one here to help us. i was thinkg about how our wedding date is a year and like two months away and i have no one here to help me plan. and for a long itme i always imagined myself getting married at this place called sugar mill gardens, a botanical garden that i had always loved in my home town there. when trey and i got together we would pokemon go there and take clippings, and i still have those plants today. but then this new vision came where we would get married on our future property. i feel like we are still a long way away from buying a house here though. idk if we would be there in time. and since we went back in october all i can think about is getting married in sugar mill. he reproposed to me when we were there and that was so sweet and just made me want to be there instead for it. 

this is very long but these are my constant thoughts that all happen at once and it feels nice to get them out to piece them together and not feel so overwhelmed with all them at one time in layers upon layers of thoughts. sometimes my vision even goes out and i dissociate and just work blurred vision cross eyed for ten minutes, who knows maybe its an hour. im back there by myself for eight hours a day idk. 

[sableaire]

that platonic date you described? still friendship lmao. friends are allowed to pamper each other and do outlandish things for each other. i'm so sad that you think that's somehow "more than" friendship as if "quasiplatonic" and "romantic" things are "more than" friendship. friends live and die for each other. can live with each other. can spend money and tiem and effort for each other. god, you're pretentious.

Your comment on that post about ‘queerplatonic’ relationships was confusing to me. What you are describing to me is an intense method of expressing companionship and admiration towards someone. I have a friend like this, and I’ve called her my platonic soulmate, but saying anything other than the fact that we are very close friends with deep and meaningful relationship would fee very disingenuous.

Furthermore, you describe yourself as aromantic and asexual, so it’s confusing to me that you seem so intent on labeling yourself as part of a relationship that to me would categorically make you alloromamtic and now aromantic. Just because you put in lots of effort and love into a friendship doesn’t mean you are anything more than deeply bonded to that person. To me it seems that you want to identify as aromantic while finding a semantic loophole to engage in romantic relationship.

Hello, hello! This is long, so if you’re interested in engaging me, read below the cut!

I’ll be frank with you, I don’t exactly remember what I wrote in the post you’re mentioning - I’ve been in poor spirits lately, and responded to that post in a mood, so my memory of its contents are a little hazy? But let me give it a go.

Of course friends are still allowed to pamper each other and do outlandish things for each other - that’s pretty much my entire life. And of course romance isn’t “more than” friendship - that’s the kind of phrasing aromantics hate the most. Romance is just different and a different set of feelings than friendship, but that doesn’t mean that society won’t stop treating it as more important than friendship or stop using the phrasing “more than friends” (ugh). 

However, as for quasiplatonic not being ‘more than’ friendship, well, it depends on individual definitions of friendship.

Honestly, in the end it sounds like what we just want different labels for the same thing. If ‘platonic soulmate’ works for you, that’s great - that’s what, to a lot of people, a queerplatonic or quasiplatonic relationship is. I’m pretty sure in the post I defined a potential QPR partner as “my closest and most emotionally intimate friend” or something, so I’m not fighting you here that a QPR can be interpreted as an intense friendship. 

However, I think a lot of people feel that, in general society, the word ‘friendship’ has been watered down through frivolous usage, so socially, the word doesn’t carry as much weight as one might want a relationship to have. Does that make sense?

For example, I call many people ‘acquaintances,’ even though I might regularly meet them, hang out with them, hear out their problems, etc. and they consider me their friend. I do this because I want the word ‘friend’ to have more weight and be more meaningful, so in a sense I ‘save’ it for the people I genuinely care about. However, I also know people who call everyone their friend - their classmate, the person they just met, the kid from nine years ago they lost contact with, etc. and then they call the kind of people I call my ‘friends’ their ‘close friends.’ I certainly think a QPR is more than that level of friendship.

Perhaps some people can call a QPR partner their ‘best friend’ and be content with that. I am not one of them, as I currently have a best friend, and relationship I would like to maintain within QPR is different. I personally need to make this distinction particularly because I love each of my friends in different but equally important ways, but I can’t take them all out on platonic dates regularly. As it stands, if I took one of them out on a platonic date as described in the post you reference, I would feel bad about it and feel obligated to take each of my other friends out on a highly planned, fine-tailored platonic date as well - that would be exhausting and unsustainable

As such, to me, a QPR is a matter of practicality more than anything. I can’t express my affections so outlandishly with all my friends - for one thing, we all live in different states or countries, and bustling lives mean that any grand display of affection would probably just be me intruding on their lifestyle more than anything else. So, out of care and respect for them, I won’t do it, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to. So, to me - and this is just for me, not broadly applicable to everyone who wants a QPR - a QPR partner would be someone whose lifestyle is compatible with me, whom I feel emotionally intimate enough with to devote the time and energy into making happy.

As for your confusion and me seeming alloromantic, aha, well that’s partially what a QPR is meant to be. To some people, such as myself, a QPR is a romantic relationship without the romantic attraction. Is that difficult to imagine?

Let me ask, anon - what is a romantic relationship to you? How would you define romantic attraction? My understanding of it is butterflies in the stomach, a tingling warmth when you think of them, a rush of happiness and excitement; a period of infatuation followed by a desire to be socially recognized as a unit. Two people coming together to become a set, in summary. You call each other ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ or ‘significant other,’ let people know that you’re dating, and most of the time the end goal is marriage. 

The thought of all of the above makes my skin crawl. The thought of experiencing those kind of emotions and being in that kind of relationship where people look at me and another person and think of us as a ‘couple’ heavily disturbs me. This is why I identify as romance-repulsed, and this is why I identify as aromantic. If a lot of the goals I have for a QPR sounds to you like a romantic relationship, so be it. I just ask that you acknowledge that my desires are absent of the above feelings. (For benefit of readers who don’t know me, I am also touch-repulsed, so my idea of a QPR is also absent kissing or cuddling.)

However, feelings are subjective. They’re difficult to articulate in words, even though individuals can feel them so clearly. As such, my personal belief is that everyone should take the time to define sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and platonic attraction for themselves. 

Feelings are difficult and subjective, so perhaps my definitions aren’t what would work for you, but I would still be interested in hearing how you would define the above.

[paragonrobits]

so in this one crossover fic I’m planing where a bunch of weirdos get stuck together and team up to survive but find out that they enjoy each other’s company and device to go wake up some ancient artifacts to reunite the galaxy because ‘hey why not’, a major aspect of the whole story is the artifact wielded by Sierra, who is the unofficial leader and kind of the main character of the whole thing.

to understand this you have to understand that the fic’s concept origanally started as a Kingdom Hearts AU but with my own picked set of characters; it changed so much that over tiem I dropped it being the Keyblade and other Kingdom Hearts elements but... yeah its like the Keyblade but weirder.

it doesn’t have a set in-universe name but I think of calling it the Azoth Device, as it has heavily alchemically-inspired names. It also seems to be more of an magical force rather than ‘just’ an artifact, bonding to Sierra when she wakes it up and fusing with her, materializing as a weird artifact when she wants it to, but it also seems vaugely... alive. it wants to drink new powers, to learn things, and frankly no one knows what the heck it is and it scares them a little bit

it can shapeshift however Sierra wants, and often reflects the ideas and views of those around it; if you’re mad, it will probably make spikes, if you’re all pleasant it will get translucent and shiny. generally it looks like a massive object in the shape of a sword-ish thing, almost seven feet long and unusually light for its size, with a ‘blade’ made of two interlocking snacks that meet in the middle. boop, their snouts touch. the rest of it is covered in alchemical formulae and strange writings that are so ancient no one understands them. weirdly they seem to be in binary.

sometimes it’s red. like the philosopher’s stone.

it was originally made by Autochthon from Exalted, who in this continuity is a previous form of Primus, creator-god of the Transformers; Autochthon, afflicted by an illness linked to his very nature, found a way to excise it by creating the Azoth Device, which he used to generate a perfect scapal and slice the idea of his illness from his nature... at which point Unicron, the Engine of Extinction, came into very hostile being and Primus has not had a single good day since. It still bears Autochthon’s energy, and thus possibly a remainder of his sickness, and this same energy has a tendency to mutate things.

power wise, it can do pretty much anything... if you know how to do that. It basically just reshapes magical energy as desired, but if you don’t know how to make it do specific things, the best you can manage is concentrated magical energy into a super-sharp field around it. (This is how it functions as a sword, actually!) It can also transmute stuff, FMA-style, assumign you know the materials its made from, or alchemize various things into new and unique objects. many cultures have studied it and devised new methods of working magic or transmutative technologies, and the lost alchemizers littering various ruins bear its iconography.

notably, when Sierra wakes the thing up, it unleashes a blast of energy that wakes up the dormant mass relays, pulling her and her future friends together and forcing them to band together and team up, but it also mutates them, giving them sweet new super powers that also induce some rather pointed Body Horror... though depending on the individual, it’s more like ‘that’s weird! I LIKE IT’

this is probably a bit worrying since ‘weird mutation’ is not really a factor of Autochthon’s interest. possibly it was influenced by the nature of other Primordials? It does seem to ‘drink’ powers and unusual energies, sampling them and transforming itself, and its user, in various ways.

basically this thing is weird as hell and no one knows what’s up with it and that should scare them

[inthewordsofahalfgoddes]

man this morning i woke up all kinds of fucked up. felt like i was being attacked by like a million negative thoughts at once. at first i got mad like whtf how are these things attack me at this tieme. ive been super positive and havent had too many bad oments that i couldnt deal with (some petty feelings that i had to snip some quick) then i just woke up questioning everything and everyone. i had to force myself to let my mind get out all its issues. had to call a conference for my mind body and heart. my heart was suprisigly okay not too much came out except some feelings of lonliness. i really cut off a lot of peope who i knew had some sort of interest in me (finally ended a friendship that i knew wasnt born out of good intentions which i had been nervous and anxious to ed but i did it and it felt good. i feel free lol I hate having to be but it had to be done).  Im trying to cnnect with friends who i know either have a partner or are gay or something. I feel safer around women anyway and they tend to be respectful when it comes to noticing my subtle body hints of being uncomfortable. anyways i’ve beenr econnecting with old friends who i just fell out of touch with cause of busy schedueles. I’m a little nervous about this whole djing thing because I’m worried about the people i am meeting from it. no one ahs been like acting out and whatnot but i can see problems cming from it. hopefully no one i dj with ends up being a dick but anyway i cant wait to hang out with bria and like touch base. i miss her healing energy and although ive been doig well i know i need to have some of my feelings validated. so anwyay heart was okay nothing too pressing from it. it was mostly my mind that had a lot to say. I wrote in my notebook to focus on my problems with trust issues and  on the flip side also being  more cautious around people. My mind bombarded me with reasosn why i shouldnt trust daddy and i was like .-. the entire time my mind spilled out all its reasons for believig it. i had to counetract it with points of my owna s to why he was trustworthy and for real it felt like i was arguing with someone else -_- it took some time but i managed to convince my mind to stopp being so hyperviligant about things. I just feel so vulnerable all the time and even though i know getting hurt is how you grow my mind is like trying its best to minimize it so i know it means well its just thats how you ruin good things :^) anyways i realized i was just overthinking and bugging ad after like 20 minutes of talking with my self and exposing all the things i was holding negative space in my head for i felt a million times better. I had to like start being grateful and wrote him a long ass message about how much i treasure him its usually the best way to shut up my mind with all the trust issues cause fuck this is a really bg issue. but anyway i think this sundayw as suppsoed to be a checkin with it cause i made alike a scheduele where i was going to be on my toes about negativity and anytime something negative came in my head regardigng trsut i would jump on it right away and dismiss it as just insecurities and overthinking. besides the other day ive been doing good with i but of course this is ging to be a long ass battle with myself. i realized (again0 that y main issue is my  idea about what i think i deserve as a person. when i was a chld i always thought of myself as inherently evil and like my whole purpose was to like buy good favor back from the universe and god. so anytime i did good i was like phew now i deserve something good to happen to me insetad of like realize that i can have good things??? without any reason??? and that im not inherently bad??? what a concept!! its been a bout two weeks of vigilant observation of my mind and after this i’ll incorporate working on my insecurites.