#so many tags... how am i even going to swim today.

[wheucto]

fun fact! assuming the hotel cost 200,000 dollars, it would take about 11 years for OJ to have his million dollars run out due to food expenses alone

[xllizs]

Surfs up! Lifeguard!Toji x bad surfer!Reader

not rlly proof read / TAGS: Smut w/ plot, Age gap (reader is 22 and toji is 30) size kink, size difference, all characters are 18+, low-key bimbo coded but not rlly, pet names (ex. doll), praise, lifeguard, beach, surfer, hotel room sex, toji with a white tank top and red trunks (and a whistle), life guard tall chair things but a big one, extra character(s): gojo (ps. if toji is spelt "tori" please don't bring it up, I hate my MacBook.)

Today you were gonna surf,

At least that's what you told yourself this morning.

You got outside of your hotel with the strong scent of sea salt, remembering how close you were to the beach. You had a bikini on while holding your hot pink and white surf board.

You used to surf so much when you were younger, but after college you really haven't. You decided this vacation was it.

The hotel you booked was practically on the beach with great waves that amazed you. You had to take the opportunity!

As you strutted down the railing you spot a black haired man on his way back from the lifeguard tower,

and oh god, he was hot.

You almost trip over yourself from staring at him while walking. His tank top fit him so well and hugged all the right places. The way his whistle bounced off his chest when he walked, you swore your mouth was watering. But you can't let him distract you. You told yourself you would surf!

You sprint a little toward a nice spot to sit at, "Hey!" You hear a shout and freeze. You look towards where the noise came from "Yeah?" you shout back. You realize its the black haired man from earlier.

"You surfing?" he questions you.

You look at him, then your surf board, and back at him, "Yeah I am" your brows furrow, confused on why he's asking. "We are just trying to let everyone know that the current is really strong today, so just be careful." he alerts you with a small smile.

You look at the ocean and wince but look back at him "Ohh alright, thank you!"

its not that you aren't a good swimmer, you just aren't a strong swimmer.

Looking around there aren't too many people right now at the beach, just surfers. You assume the lack of people is because of the harsh water. You set your stuff down and sit on your chair for a few minutes.

You take off your sunglasses and grab your board out of the sand and head towards the ocean.

Stepping into the ocean, its cold but not terrible. You continue walking into the water until you're hips deep and start to swim out more

The waves were HUGE. you jump to avoid them until you find the one you want.

That one. That's the one you tell yourself

You pick up a pace with moving your arms quick. You get a grip on your board and start to stand up on it and catch the wave! You couldn't believe yourself! You're doing it. You're in the air, you lean back and forth a little but catch yourself. But you suddenly fall off. even though you just fell, that was amazing. You forgot about the thrill.

You decide to start to head back to shore but you realize you're having a hard time swimming back. Fuck me. you say out loud.

Suddenly, a whistle blows.

"She's not even that far out, Toji." Gojo says rolling his eyes at the black haired man.

"The currents pulling her," he says putting his eyes back on the binoculars, "can she not hear my whistle?" he sighs, putting the whistle around his neck into his mouth, blowing it again. He points in your direction and signals to come closer to the shore. He opens his mouth for the whistle to drop down. Toji sits down on the tall and wide life guard chair. "I don't think she can get back to shore.." Gojo says, "I'll go" he says.

"No, I got it" Toji says putting his arm in front of the man.

Toji takes his whistle off and sits it next to gojo. He stands up on one of the steps, cross his arms and takes his tank top off , he jumps off of the tower and grabs a orange rescue tube.

FUCK! Is he coming over here?? You feel the current still pulling you and you keep trying to swim, hopefully making progress. You felt terrible and embarrassed. He even warned you!

You watched as he runs quickly into the water and dives right in, he swims faster than you ever could.

"You alright?" he worries. "Yeah, I just can't swim back. Im so so so sorry!! I thought I could swim back." you say with a pout.

"Don't worry about it, doll. Its my job" he responds with a chuckle

that nickname. shit. he's even hotter up close.

He throws a orange thingy towards you and you grab on

"You got it?"

"Yes!" you reply while using the other hand to hold your board.

He holds onto the other end and he starts to swim back with you, and he's just as fast as he looked. Soon enough you were back on shore and you pause right before you give him back the orange thing.

His wet hair, his v line, his abs. he was so fit.

you realized the longer than it should've been pause and give it to him. he notices your eyes analyzing his body, he does the same too you. He thought you were the prettiest surfer he's ever seen, maybe surfer isn't the best word.

"Thank you so much again..I'm really sorry." you repeat.

His expression softens and he gives you a reassuring look, "Look, its really okay. That was probably the easiest thing Ive ever done anyways. Im glad I saw you when I did." He says again with a small smile.

"That makes me feel better haha,"

that laugh, your voice. he didn't wanna stop talking to you.

"I was so embarrassed. I haven't even- FUCK OW!" You scream out. Tojis head whips back towards you rushing to your side. something pierced your foot, the pain makes you whimper.

He says you hop up onto one foot, "Here let me see." he says. He places one hand rubbing your back and the other holding your foot. "Oooh shit. that's a seashell. Its pretty deep too, but don't panic. I'll bring you over to where the first aid kit is ok?"

You nod your head and whimper when he touches close to the cut. "Im sorry honey."

You might be in pain but that nickname makes your face heat up.

"I can't walk over there, though." you say with tears in your eyes from the pain you got when you tried relaxing your foot.

"I'll carry you, no big deal."

before you have time to speak, he lifts you up and carries you bridal style towards where he sat before.

"Yo, Gojo! Get the first aid ready!!" he shouts out

You arrive and he sits you next to his friend, who you assumed was named Gojo.

"Okay Gojo, grab her stuff and I'll clean up her cut."

"Ight" Gojo says, he couldn't have been that much older than you, he was wearing a tropical button up that was open so you saw under, and red trunks. You point towards where your stuff is.

"Okay doll, I'm just going pull it out with tweezers and clean it ok? While I take it out I want you to squeeze my hand if it hurts. The cleaning won't be any better 'cause I really think its infected."

You nod and grab his hand. He takes the tweezers and gets a good grip. "Okay, 1, 2,3.." he pulls and you squeeze while your eyes water and you start shedding tears, once again whimpering at the pain. he hears you choke up on your tears and quickly looks up and back, "its ok baby I got you, its almost out. You're ok."

You breathe in and out calming yourself, being embarrassed of the big baby you're being right now. But it hurt so bad.

You feel relief but still pain when you realize its out

"Got it!" He smiles at you while grabbing stuff to clean it with.

"Hey, lets not focus on your foot, aye? What's your name and you live around here?"

you cringe at the coldness from the cleaning product he's using, "Uhh, I'm y/n, I don't live around here, but I came here cause its been a good few months since I graduated college. I really needed to surf again cause I was so good, clearly, I'm rusty" you give a breathless laugh and sigh at yourself. "Haha, well I'm Toji. By the way, I could tell you didn't live around here already, I would've noticed a gorgeous girl like you a while ago." he smirks. Your cheeks heat up again and you don't even feel the pain anymore. you realize you should flirt back. You sigh and say "I'm glad I had such a hot lifeguard save me" smiling at him

toji swears all blood rushes to his dick as he gets a boner from what you say.

You guys talk more and you realize the man is 30, but it doesn't bother you that you guys flirted. He flirted way more in the conversation you had though. Talking about your bathing suit, the way you smiled, how your eyes were shining in the sun. He was such a sly man.

At the point, Gojo had brought your stuff back and went into the lifeguard tower.

Toji wraps up your foot. He holds your hand as you walk down the 3 large steps. "Thank you so much, how can I repay you?" you wonder and stare at him, "no need doll, let me walk you back. You said you were here for vacation right? I'm assuming its one of these hotels?" he questions you, you point to the one you were staying at.

He grabs your things and wraps an arm around you, queuing you to wrap your arm around him for support.

You arrive and you guys take the elevator. The elevator shakes a little causing you to fall towards toji. He stares at you and kisses you. you close your eyes. he kisses you so good. his mouth kisses you down towards your neck and he sucks on it, making you moan. the elevator dings once it arrives at your floor. He tries not to hurt your foot but he can't wait to fuck you, so he picks you up. You put your keycard against the lock and it flashes green. He opens the door and slams it shut. dropping you onto the bed.

He starts kissing you hard while his dick grinds against you. with your bathing suit not being heavy the feeling causes you to moan. Like he did in the elevator he moves his way down sucking hard in different parts of your neck. leaving marks everywhere he went. As he is sucking down on your neck his hand finds its way to the bottom of your bikini. he puts his hand under it and rubs your clit. you moan. he kisses his way down to your boobs and takes of ur top with one hand. you were so wet from everything he was doing. the way he touched your clit so well. the way he was rubbing circles and your nipples and sucking on your tits. the way he kissed you. you have never felt better.

"Toji- fuck!" he moves down pulling his fingers out of your bottoms so he can take them off. he spreads your legs far apart. and starts eating you out. his tongue licks your clit so well. he sticks his fingers in you, starting with 2. he thrusts in and out and finds your g spot cause of how you moaned when he touched it.

his fingers curl against it multiple times. you squeeze around them. he thrusts them in so fast. "oh my fuck! don't stop toji please aw!" you whine out.

he curls against it again and you cum.

you pant out catching your breathe

"holy fuck oh my god."

hes not done with you. not even close to being done.

he sticks his tongue inside of you while rubbing your clit with his hand.

"fuck toji! please just fuck me already!"

he takes his tongue out and stands up from being bent down.

"You gotta beg for what you want baby." he says with a smirk, his dick so visibly hard.

"Please toji. please fuck me." you beg with a whimper.

"Good girl."

He takes his trunks off and he dick leaks with precum it was so hard. it was so big. your eyes widened. "holy fuck" you whisper. toji chuckles at your reaction, "you got a condom?" you shake your head in response "im on birth control"

after you said that, he wastes no time.

he takes your legs and drags you closer to the end of the bed and pushes your legs to your chest.

he strokes his dick and moves it up and down to get some of your slick on it. he purposely moves more on your clit making you whine out.

he starts to push his tip in. you've never taken a dick this big. he keeps going until his tip kisses your cervix. you moan when it hits places your fingers could never. '"god you're so tight." he groans. "so full, toji mmmm" you slurr out.

he pulls all the way out and quickly thrusts back in "fuck oh fuck!" you cry out "feels so good"

his thrusts are a little slow, but it isn't long until he goes fast.

the speed he was going was insane. you couldn't take it. it was unreal. you squeezed around him. "your pussy is taking my dick so good." the sounds of your body connecting was so loud. the sound of your wet cunt was just as loud. you moans sync with every time he touches your g spot. "ohh..myy..fuckk" your words coming out every time he thrust back in. you couldn't even speak. he was fucking you brainless. you were seeing stars "does my baby feel good?" he says with a groan after.

you open your mouth to speak but all that came out was a moan "Can't even fucking talk, babys fucked dumb huh?" he laughs you squeezed against his dick making him groan. he slows down, teasing you. "fuck toji-im gonna- cum im fucking- summing!!!" you cry out moaning you spasm against him but he doesn't stop. he's fucking you through your orgasm. "fuckkk how are you still going oh my god!" you are drooling so much. you can't take it.

after your, you can't even remember how many times you came. he still hasn't even shown any signs of cumming.

he goes slow and pulls all the way out and pushes back in again. you couldn't take it. he goes fast, but his thrust start getting sloppier. "gonna cum. gonna fill you up." he says catching his breath. he goes really fast again with a few more thrusts. slowing down again. then he comes. it felt so good. you were on cloud 9. you couldn't even speak.

he pulls out and moves you against the beds pillows, laying next to you.

"visit here again, okay?" he says still catching his breath.

NOTES: im sorry if my grammars bad or some seems rushed!! I thought of this after I went to the beach yesterday and the Current was SOOO strong!! these girls needed help and this hot lifeguard did exactly what I wrote that toji did. also I have no experience at all has a swimmer, surfer, or lifeguard... so please don't mind anything that's strange!! again my MacBooks autocorrect keeps changing toji to tori!! pls let me know abt anything else, criticism is helpful!

[lynzishell]

OC Deep Dive Questionnaire 💛Atlas & Asher🩵

✨TYSM for the tag @raiiny-bay, @zosa95, @dandylion240, @sirianasims, and @hannahssimblr 🤗💖

Of course, I went overboard with this, so grab your favorite beverage and let's dive right in, shall we? ☕💕

-what common/uncommon fear do they have?

💛Atlas: [Pointing to Asher] Water. 🩵Asher: You can’t just leave it at that. It’s not like if you set a glass of water on the table, I’ll run screaming. I have a fear of drowning, so I don’t like to be submerged in water. You’re never going to catch me out swimming. Probably not on a boat either, while we’re at it. Not taking any chances. 💛Atlas: Fair enough. But you won’t even put your face under the water in the shower. 🩵Asher: That’s because it reminds me of being submerged in water. Anyway, this conversation is making me sweaty, and there just happens to be water on the other side of this fence, so let's change the subject. Next question.

-do they have any pet peeves?

🩵Asher: Oh, Atlas fuckin’ hates mindless small talk, like the kind you use just to fill the silence, or because you awkwardly feel like you need to talk to the person next to you. Seriously, he’ll like you a lot more if you just sit next to him in silence for an hour. 💛Atlas:  Very true. And yet, your record for silence is, what, twenty minutes?  🩵Asher: Maybe. But I don’t make mindless small talk. 💛Atlas: Yeah, I do like listening to you ramble on about your latest obsessions. You get all animated and excited, it’s really cute. 🩵Asher: You’re really cute.

-what are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

💛Atlas: Uh, I don’t know, what’s in our room besides the obvious? Probably too many electronics. 🩵Asher: Right, between the computer and the switch and my drawing tablet and our phones... 💛Atlas: And your sketchbooks and pencils. How many pencils does someone need? 🩵Asher: I don’t have enough; I’ll tell you that much. Count yourself lucky that most of my art supplies are scattered between Lex’s place and my parents’ house. One day I’ll get it all organized in one place, but that day is not today.

-what do they notice first in a person?

🩵Asher: Hm. That's a good question. What did you notice about me first? 💛Atlas: Your hair, obviously. 🩵Asher: [laughs] 💛Atlas: But no, I would say your eyes. I’d never met anyone with such pure gray eyes before, they’re striking. Your eyes are very expressive too. And you make eye contact with people more than anyone else I know. Like, whenever I talk to you, I always feel like you’re really listening. 🩵Asher: [smiles] I am.

-on a scale of 1-10, how high is their pain tolerance?

🩵Asher: Oh god, mine is probably like a 5, and Atlas’s is probably a fuckin’ 8 or 9. 💛Atlas: I would’ve said 7, but we can go with 8.

-do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

💛Atlas: I think my first instinct is freeze, but then probably flight. Depending on the situation, I’ll walk away or hide away. 🩵Asher: Mostly. But with James, you definitely went to fight. 💛Atlas: That was different. I don’t care if people hurt me, but I’m not going to let them hurt the people I love. Ash is definitely more of a fighter than I am.  

-do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

🩵Asher: I don’t come from a big family, it’s just my parents, me, my sister, and my niece, but we are very close. But honestly, family isn’t just about relatives. Chosen family is just as important. When I say my family is the most important thing to me, I don’t just mean them, I also mean Atlas and Lex and Dawn and Phoenix and Aspen too. And Jasper, obviously. 💛Atlas: Exactly. If we’re talking about relatives, I come from a very large family, but I will never see or speak to any of them again, except for Dawn, of course. A few years ago, I never would’ve considered myself a family person, but Ash’s family taking me in changed all that. I’d definitely say I am now. 🩵Asher: I love that.

-what animal represents them best?

💛Atlas: Oh, that’s easy. Ash is just like Jasper, his border collie. Playful and energetic, friendly, intelligent, hardworking, and he loves to snuggle. 🩵Asher: Hm. I think for Atlas, I’d say a deer. 💛Atlas: A deer? 🩵Asher: Yeah, like, you’re quiet and cautious, a bit anxious with a tendency to hide, but you’re also beautiful and sweet. 💛Atlas: You make me sound more like a bunny. 🩵Asher: No, definitely not a bunny. Have you ever come upon a big buck deer? They’re majestic and intimidating, and they’ll kick your ass if they have to. They’re… survivors.

-what is a smell that they dislike?

💛Atlas: Ammonia. 🩵Asher: No one likes the smell of ammonia. 💛Atlas: I know, but when I was a kid, at the end of every school year, we’d have to clean our desks with this ammonia spray. Twenty kids spraying ammonia in an enclosed room. It was awful. I’m sure they had the windows open, but even still, that smell is seared into my brain, makes me want to gag just thinking of it.

-have they broken any bones? if so, how?

🩵Asher: Okay, story time! So, when I was ten? Eleven? Something like that. Anyway, I was dancing around in my room, as one does, and I tripped on a book, one of many scattered around my disaster of a room, and tried to catch myself as I went down. Bad decision. I’ll spare you the details, but the pain I felt in my wrist was horrible. I literally saw stars. And then I almost puked when I looked at it. So, of course, I started screaming for my mom. She came running in, and I told her that I’d broken my wrist. And what did she do? She yanked on it and snapped it back into place! Because apparently, I’d just dislocated it. But, fuck, it hurt. If a broken bone is worse than that, then I hope I never break one. 💛Atlas: I broke a toe once. Stubbed it on the corner of my bed when I was in college. I wasn’t good about taping it up or anything either, so it healed a little crooked.

-how would a stranger likely describe them?

🩵Asher: For Atlas? One word: quiet. How they interpret that quietness varies though. Some people think he’s really shy, others think he’s just aloof. But he’s actually neither. He’s introverted and pensive, sure, but he’s also very warm and enjoys chatting with people if it’s a more meaningful conversation, y’know. Like, when we first met, we would talk for hours and hours. 💛Atlas: That’s true, but you’re such an easy person to talk to. I think that’s what people would say about Ash. He’s just very relaxed and friendly and has a way of putting people at ease. He’s good at connecting with people and getting them talking and making them laugh.  

-are they a night owl or a morning bird?

🩵Asher: Probably night owls, I’d say. Atlas prefers starting his day later and working late, if he has the option. 💛Atlas: Yeah, but these days, it feels like I’m working all the time. But even still, Ash starts his day earlier. I don’t know. I think he’s somehow both. He has no issues with mornings, but he also gets a burst of energy in the evening and sometimes it’s hard to get him to come to bed. 🩵Asher: To sleep, anyway. 💛Atlas: [laughs] Right.

-what is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

💛Atlas: Ah, Ash hates vinegar and anything pickled. And he loves warm spices like cinnamon and cardamom. 🩵Asher: Oh my god, and Atlas is fuckin’ backwards when it comes to this. He likes bitter flavors to a strange degree, like super bitter beer and strong coffee and he’ll only eat chocolate if it’s the super dark stuff, otherwise he hates it. He doesn’t like sweets. No sugary drinks or candy or even pastries.

-do they have any hobbies?

🩵Asher: We both love gaming and dancing. Otherwise, I like to draw and spend time with my dog. My favorite is taking him down to the beach to play fetch, he loves it there. 💛Atlas: Yeah, and I don’t know, I like to stay active because I feel like I’m constantly at a desk otherwise. I used to rock climb a lot, but since we climbed Mt. Komorebi, we took a break and never really got back to it, so I pretty much just run and work out at the gym occasionally. And I like to sing. 🩵Asher: Seriously, I wish you could hear him. He has the most incredible voice. 💛Atlas: Aw, thank you.

-boom, surprise birthday party! how do they react to surprises?

💛Atlas: Ash would love it! He’d be so stoked that everyone showed up for him like that. 🩵Asher: And Atlas would probably dump me on the spot if I ever did that to him. 💛Atlas: I don’t know if I’d dump you, but… okay, yeah, I probably would.

-do they like to wear jewelry? if so, what is their favorite piece?

🩵Asher: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Atlas wear any jewelry. 💛Atlas: No, I’ve tried, but I could never get used to it. I’d always end up taking it off by midday. 🩵Asher: I can see that. I wear earrings, but that’s it. I used to wear a necklace that an ex gave me, but I threw it out when we broke up. I wanted to throw it into the ocean, but I didn’t dare to walk out on the dock [laughs] so I tossed it in a dumpster instead. 💛Atlas: I didn’t know that. Which ex? 🩵Asher: Elias. 💛Atlas: Ahh. Yikes. 🩵Asher: Yeah. Anyway. Next question.

-do they have neat or messy handwriting?

💛Atlas: I think we both write fairly neat. 🩵Asher: I think so too. Yours is all sharp angles, but it’s not sloppy. 💛Atlas: Yeah, and you have a strong preference for uppercase letters. Sometimes it’s rushed, but it’s never messy. Actually, I’ve never thought about it before, but I really like your handwriting. 🩵Asher: I like yours too.

-what are two emotions they feel the most?

🩵Asher: [points to Atlas] Anxious. 💛Atlas: All of the time. 🩵Asher: And, hm, we can only pick two? I’d probably go with either introspective or focused. 💛Atlas: That’s probably right. For you, I’d say, passionate or inspired and then maybe playful or energetic or something like that. Okay yeah, passionate and playful.

-do they have a favorite fabric?

💛Atlas: Probably cotton, I guess. 🩵Asher: Yeah, same. I don't know. Never really thought about it, to be honest.

-what kind of accent do they have?

🩵Asher: I don’t know. Do we have accents? I mean, I guess Atlas gets a hint of a drawl when he drinks, it’s pretty cute. 💛Atlas: I do not. 🩵Asher: You do! I never told you because I didn’t want you to get self-conscious and try to stop. 💛Atlas: It’s a good thing I don’t drink often, I guess. 🩵Asher: Whatever. I love it. 💛Atlas: And I love you. 🩵Asher: I love you too.

And I love them too!! 🥹

Okay, whew! What are the chances anyone actually read all that? I really can't just be normal about these things, can I? Oh well... Now it's your turn!! I'm gonna tag @madebysimblr, @crownsofesha, @xldkx, @honeyjars-sims, aaaaaaaaaaand @igotsnothing 🤸🏻‍♀️💖 Answer them normally, or have a little fun with it, or ignore me completely, that's fine too (no it's not) 🫶🏻

[purrplegyuu]

Cold | Choi Beomgyu

Index

Chapter three

Warnings: unhappiness, slightly angst, soft beomgyu, abusive mother, swearing. omg the softest chapter eveeer

Word count: 1.4k

Taglist: @arianap23e, @haatohwa

I don't know why is it soooo soft, I don't like it ughhh. Like this is a dark story. Anyways, the following chapters are gonna be waaaay darker (i mean i hope). I kinda like soft Beommie tho...

Let me know if you find any kind of mistake, i'm not a native speaker and this helps me so so so much ^_^

Also let me know if you want to be added to the tag list, if you want to suggest an event to happen on next chapters or if you have any question about any detail. Luv yaa (●'◡'●)

I’m not happy. I know that. I know I will never go to school with a bright smile on my face like Jiwoo, because unlike her, I don’t have anything that makes me enjoy sitting on an uncomfortable chair for hours, looking at the professors as if I am paying attention, and talk kindly to my classmates as if I don’t hate them so much.

I even started to believe happiness is a vile lie American series have shown to us.

However, lately, these bad feelings have been increasing. And dad knows that.

That’s why he came home early on a saturday night and announced that we were going on vacation to that pretty house on a lake that his mother left him as an inheritance. 

“You okay guys?” He asks while driving, looking at me through the mirror. I smile slightly at him, nodding. “Gyu, I heard you got really good grades again. Bet your mother is really really proud” Beomgyu looks at him back, quiet, and totally ignores him. 

The awkward aura all over the car now, as dad looks at Beomgyu’s mother, scared of making his relationship even worse. He has tried thousands of ways to get along with Beomgyu, but the boy sitting by my side never really cared.

Once we arrive, dad gets out of his car, stretching his back. I look at Beomgyu. He really hates my father. At least that’s what it looks like—he gets even darker when our parents are close to him, doesn’t even smirk at any kind of jokes and doesn’t say a single word until they are far away again. 

But today, he looks even more dark than usual, which makes me feel a bit scared.

I get out of the car when he does. I see his mother running towards my dad in order to enter the house with him. 

We both stand in front of the house quietly, looking at the way our parents play like kids with their luggage as they take it in the house. They really look like a young couple. However, I find it a bit weird, but I guess it is just because I never liked her.

I look around. There are so many memories from my childhood—the garden full of flowers I planted when I was five, the rustic oven I used to make pizza in when I was eight, the lake where I learned how to swim when I was nine. But everything looks just too old and dirty—it’s been seven years since the last time we came here, it’s been seven years since the last time I enjoyed being in such a place… it’s been seven years since I last saw her.

I walk through the trees until I have reached a certain place. A small dock made of old wood, mouldy and poorly stable. Hundreds of drawings all over one of the wood tiles—’Jeongseo’ on top of everything, followed by ‘Namhyuk’ and ‘Dami’.

I really miss those times.

By 6 p. m., dad calls me to the big dock in front of our house. 

“Gaeum, honey, could you please go get the meat?” Beomgyu’s mom smiles at him, and makes a disgusted face when she turns around. Dad’s on the white boat his father used to drive right before dying three years ago. Everything I can think about when I see it, is him swearing he will never use it again because it was his dad’s, not his.

“We’re taking Luna on an expedition” he says. I can see the happiness on his face. Luna is the name grandpa gave his boat. “Remember when we used to go to the other side of the lake?” I nod. “Well, we are going to go there to take the dinner tonight” a big smile on his face makes me force myself to smile although I’m not happy or excited. 

“I will go get a sweater”

When I get in the house, I don’t see Gaeum in the kitchen, which I found a bit weird, but don’t really pay attention to it. I go to my room, take a pink sweater and try it on in front of the mirror. I’m wearing a long-sleeved dark shirt which is supposed to cover me up enough to make me feel warm, however, the short jean skirt makes it hard for me to get warm. Even with a big coat, and in the house, I’m trembling.

However, I get out of my room, holding a white blanket, and stop walking when I hear some noises in Beomgyu’s room. The door is closed, so I cannot see anything, but I don’t also see any light under the door, even though it’s 6:30 p. m., and it’s very dark already. 

“Don’t be fucking dumb” Gaeum’s voice sounding so different—meaner, unlike her usual fake sweet voice tone. “Could you please think a bit? Ha, you’re almost an adult, why would I have to ask you to not be so dumb?” The door of my room closes strongly due to the air running through my open window, which makes me jump, touching my chest. No more sounds in the room makes me feel scared someone can catch me, so I walk back to the door.

Gaeum gets out of Beomgyu’s room, and I look at her, trying to look as natural as possible, holding tightly my blanket, faking a blank face to her like I didn’t hear anything. 

“What?” I ask when she keeps looking at me. I even impress myself with my almost perfect acting. 

“Are you ready? I’m asking Beomgyu if he is also ready” I look in his room. He’s not visible from outside, so I just nod to her, going down once again.

Some minutes after that, Gaeum gets on the boat, giving dad the things he asked for and his coat. Beomgyu walks behind her, blank face as always, and doesn’t look at dad, just gets in the boat and sits by my side. 

Dad knows perfectly how to drive the boat, so he does it while we all try to warm ourselves with our coats.

The place we and Beomgyu are sitting is lower than the place our parents are at, so they can’t see us unless they go down.

That’s why he puts his hand on my thigh, caressing it as we’re alone over there. I look at him, looking at the lake deeply. His soft hair moving with the air, his face even prettier than ever, flawless skin, and some red marks on his cheeks like he has just cried. 

“You don’t seem that happy” he says, still looking at the lake. 

“I never look happy” I say, jokingly. Spending so much time with Jiwoo has started to affect me. But he doesn’t laugh. The silence makes me want to be sincere with him. Guess he has this effect on me. “I don’t really like here” He turns around to look at me, almost surprised at my words. It’s a pretty and almost paradisiacal place. Why wouldn’t I like it? “Everything I can think about when I’m here is her… the last time I saw mom” 

We stay silent for a few minutes, weirdly enjoying each other’s company. 

Then, he talks once again. “I know you listened” his husky voice should make me feel scared, however, his hands touching me so softly, his head against mine, his arm around me, his body warming me up… I can’t be scared even if he says he will kill me after that.  And I wonder if that kind of scenes are the reason I love him so much even when he treats me so wrong most of the time. Maybe I don’t love him, maybe I just love the way he treats me so wrong, but sometimes, he acts like he loves me back.

I don’t try to deny it. He knows me well. The voice tone he used isn’t even doubtful. He knows I listened.

“Don’t want to know why was she so mad?” Weirdly, everytime he doesn’t use pet names, it’s just because he’s treating me well. 

I look at him quietly. I find it a bit acted the way he fakes peace, like it doesn’t really bother him. His eyes a bit red, like his nose and cheeks. 

“She found out I’m fucking someone” He flashes a bit more than usual. “, and scolded me for not using condom” His eyes shiny, and can feel like he’s being forced or something like that. However, I don’t say anything.

I never say anything. 

[q-starhalo]

q!Bad songs + their lyrics ★-

-`.✎ Ver. 1

─⊹⊱☆⊰⊹─

˖◛⁺˖ | Hello and welcome to this list of q!Bad songs (including ones that remind me of Bad and Dapper or other eggs)!! Before we get to the songs, I do want to say that many songs contain triggering content. I have tagged most of them but if there's any I have missed, please do let me know! Other then that, each list will contain 25 songs so the posts won't be long then they already are! If you want to ask me anything about the songs, feel free! Now enjoy :D

─⊹⊱☆⊰⊹─

Portrait of a Blank Slate - Lovejoy:

★ "I feel at some point I broke my mind"

★ "How do you all make it look so easy? You open your hearts up so quickly it scares me "

★ "If only you knew just how better things could be"

★ "Another week of action. Another hypoglycemic reaction"

★ "I'm sorry it's all so predictable"

El Muchacho de los Ojos Tristes - Jeanette:

★ "Ni una simple sonrisa, ni un poco de luz en sus ojos profundos" | "Not a single smile, not a bit of light in his deep eyes"

★ "Ni siquiera reflejo de algún pensamiento que alegre su mundo" | "Not even a reflection of some thought that brightens his world"

★ "Hay tristeza en sus ojos" | "There is sadness in his eyes"

★ "El muchacho de los ojos tristes, vive solo y necesita amor. Como el aire, necesita verme. Como el sol, lo necesito yo" | "The guy with sad eyes lives alone and needs love. Like the air, he needs to see me. Like the sun, I need him"

★ "El muchacho de los ojos tristes ha encontrado al fin una razón para hacer que su mirada ría, con mis besos y mi gran amor" | "The guy with sad eyes has finally found a reason to make his eyes smile with my kisses and my great love"

★ "Yo pretendo saber porqué extraña razón hoy sus ojos no ríen. Yo pretendo lograr con ternura y amor ver sus ojos felices" | "I pretend to know the strange reason for why his eyes don't smile today. I intend to achieve with tenderness and love to see his happy eyes" (?)

Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens:

★ "The evil it spread like a fever ahead. It was night when you died, my firefly"

★ "Did you get enough love, my little dove, why do you cry?"

★ "And I'm sorry I left but it was for best, though it never felt right"

★ "Shall we look at the moon, my little lon, why do you cry?"

★ "Make most of your life while it is rife, while it is light"

Come Little Children - Kate Covington/Hocus Pocus:

★ "Come little children, I'll take thee away into a land of enchantment"

★ "Come little children, the time's come to play, here in my garden of shadows"

★ "Follow sweet children, I'll show thee the way, through all the pain and the sorrows"

★ "Weep not, poor children, for life is this way. Murdering beauty and passions"

★ "Rest now my children, for soon we'll away into the calm and the quiet"

★ "Come little children, the time's come to play, here in my garden of shadows"

Problems - Mother Mother:

★ "You and me, we're not the same. I am a sinner, you are a saint"

★ "When we get to the pearly gates, you'll get the green light. I'll get the old door in the face"

★ "I'm a loser, a disgrace"

★ "I've found love in the strangest place. Tied up and branded, locked in a cage."

★ "You're a beauty- a luminary, in my face"

★ "I got a lot, and not a lot, I got a lot less than a lot // I've got problems, not just the ones that are little"

★ "Some go to baseball, some go debase a face they can't seem to save"

Rises the Moon - Liana Flores:

★ "Days seem sometimes as if they'll never end. Sun digs it's heels to taunt you."

★ "But after sunlit days, one thing stays the same. Rises the moon."

★ "Days fade into a watercolor blur. Memories swim and haunt you."

★ "Oh close your weary eyes. I promise you that soon the autumn comes to darken fading summer skies"

★ "Breathe, breathe, breathe"

★ "Days pull you down just like a sinking ship. Floating is getting harder. But tread the water, child, and know that meanwhile rises the moon"

★ "Days pull you up just like a daffodil. Uprooted from it's garden."

★ "They'll tell you what you owe, but know even so. Rises the moon"

I am the Very Model of a Cartoon Individual - Animaniacs:

★ "I am the very model of a cartoon individual! My animation's comical, unusual and whimsical!"

★ "I'm quite adept at funny gags, comedic theory I have read. From wicked puns and stupid jokes to anvils that drop on your head."

★ "I'm very good at fancy dances, I can even pirouette! Then smack the villain with a fish; I know my cartoon etiquette."

★ "To suit my mood, I can call forth a lot of different sceneries, like outer space and desert scapes and Himalayan eateries."

★ "From this bag here, why, I can pull most anything imaginable."

★ "You see in matters comical, unusual and whimsical, we are the very model of cartoon individuals!"

Burning Pile - Mother Mother:

★ "All I tried to save my face"

★ "All my guts try to spill"

★ "It goes, all my troubles on a burning pile, all lit up and I start to smile. If I catch fire then I change my aim, throw my troubles at the pearly gates"

★ "All your woe begones be gone"

★ "Throw my troubles at the world again"

★ "It goes, all my troubles on a burning pile, all lit up and I start to smile. If I catch fire then I'll take my turn to burn and burn and burn"

dumb dumb - mazie

★ "Disappointment takes us by surprise"

★ "Even though by now I think we should have realized. Everyone is dumb"

★ "There must be something in the corn flakes, making it hard for us to think straight"

★ "It's waking up inside of the dream; you don't know what to believe"

★ "Maybe that's why disappointment takes us by surprise"

Everything at Once - Lenka:

★ "As sly as a fox"

★ "As fast as a hare"

★ "As sharp as a tooth"

★ "As dark as the night"

★ "As sweet as a song, as right as a wrong"

★ "Strong like a family, strong as I wanna be"

★ "As warm as the sun, as silly as fun"

★ "As scary as the sea"

★ "As hot as fire, cold as ice"

★ "Sweet as sugar and everything nice"

★ "As old as time"

★ "As buzzed as a bee"

★ "As stealth as a tiger"

★ Pure as a melody, pure as I wanna be"

Vibrant Eyes - CG5:

★ "I'm not the one to trust when I've lost everything that I've touched"

★ "Don't tell them what you've done, tell them what you've done. The war's already won, why do we go on?"

★ "Don't tell them what you've done, tell them what you've done, tell them what you've done, tell them what you've done"

★ "Scared of the memories that make me insane"

★ "I'll cover these vibrant eyes and forget the pain"

★ "Little voice ruining my sanity, evil dreams haunting me. Don't you ever look my way."

★ "Little voice ruining my consciousness, nothing left to reminisce"

★ "All this pain will make me suffocate"

★ "All my thoughts ever strange, free me from the mental cage"

Crucified - Army Of Lovers:

★ "I'm crucified, crucified like my savoir"

★ "Saintlike behavior, a lifetime I prayed"

★ "I'm crucified for the holy dimension"

★ "Godlike ascension, heavens away"

★ "I've seen the deepest darkness and wrestled with Gods"

★ "Where thorns are a teaser, I've played a double jeux"

★ "I cry, I pray, mon Dieu! I cry, I pray, mon Dieu!"

★ "Prophets I've been reading, stories I enjoy been told; before I end my breathing, I travel in the soul"

★ "Adieu, mon Dieu!"

Coffee - Jack Stauber's Microphone:

★ "Do I need it? (Mocha) Am I under control?"

★ "Can I beat it? (Wake up!) If it swallowed me whole?"

★ "(I can make you feel alive) I know, but do I need you to survive?"

★ "I can't believe this happened"

★ "French vanilla, I think I should sit this one out (no, no, no)"

★ "Maybe a cup of self control would be the route. (But it's the flavor, it's the flavor you want!) Maybe so, but it feels better to check than to reflect (Just a sip!)"

Chiquitita (Spanish Version) - ABBA:

! You can look at the English version for translation !

★ "Chiquitita, dime por qué tu dolor hoy te encadena? En tus ojos hay una sombra de gran pena"

★ "No quisiera verte así. Aunque quieras disimularlo"

★ "Si es que tan tristes estas, para que quieres callarlo?"

★ "Chiquitita, sabes muy bien que las penas vienen y van y desaparecen"

★ "Otra vez vas a bailar y seras feliz como flores que florecen"

★ "Chiquitita, no hay que llorar. Las estrellas brillan por ti haya en lo alto"

★ "Quiero verte sonreír para compartir tu alegría, chiquitita"

Normal People Things - Lovejoy:

★ "The background hum for cerebellum"

★ "Oh, what a blessing to meet someone like you, with eyes as dead as mine. It's fine. It's normal people things just to lie here in silence"

★ "Spending days in self-medicating. Lost too much weight, unpleasant aftertaste."

★ "We think the same, play different games"

★ "I'll make it worth the wait"

★ "Yes, it's probably a razor thing but honestly it's harmless and I refuse to let the sensitive skin win"

★ "So, we lie here in silence. Yes, we lie here in silence. This is normal people things just to lie here in silence!"

Welcome Home - Radical Face:

★ "And the days blur into one"

★ "Sheets are swaying from an old clothesline like a row of captured ghosts over old dead grass"

★ "Welcome home"

★ "Ships are launching from my chest. Some have names but most do not. If you find one, please let me know what piece I've lost"

★ "I've come home"

★ "Now my head's splitting at the seams and I don't know if I can."

Point Of No Return - STARSET:

★ "I am hypnotized as I fantasize, forgetting lies and pain, but I can't go back"

★ "The ashes call my name"

★ "Pouring the fuel, fanning the flames, breaking the habit and melting the chains"

★ "The bridges are burning, the heat's on my face"

★ "Making the past an unreachable place"

★ "There's something sinister about the way it hurts when I watch it burn because I can't go back"

★ "This is the point of no return"

Cradles - Sub Urban:

★ "I live inside my own world of make-believe"

★ "I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach"

★ "Fire's spreading all around my room"

★ "Tape my eyes open to force reality"

★ "Sometimes I can't tell if my body belongs to me"

★ "I wanna taste your content"

★ "Devils hide behind redemption"

★ "Just tripping on daydreams"

★ "Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep"

Murders - Miracle Musical:

★ "He was in the forest looking to see the trees but none were there"

★ "In the light leaves broke above. Then fell down"

★ "Wearying of the hate me, hate me not. Wait, they forgot. Woe, oh, the rot."

★ "Deeper in they crept, oblivious of the bears and darker terrors. Or none were there. How did they dare?"

★ "Shadow of nobody there. Murders of murderers living in fear of it"

★ "All for nothing at all"

No Wind Resistance! - Kinnerent:

★ "I don't know how it ends, I can't see it in the distance"

★ "But can you ever reach the end of a timeless existence?"

★ "Just imagine being human, hating your confusion, denying 'til it's proven, laughing at illusion"

★ "Imagine reducing yourself to your name"

★ "You've suck all your consciousness inside of your brain"

★ "So go ahead and find your meaning with your methamphetamine"

★ "And once you can see that you've trapped all your grace, maybe you'll join me and girl we can race"

★ "Off-beat heartbeats"

★ "I've been here sixty years and I'm still not bored"

★ "And I've found that almost everything is made of cardboard"

★ "And there's absolutely nothing I can't sing with weird cords"

Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People) - Will Wood:

★ "Have you ever died in a nightmare? Woke up surprised you hadn't earned your fate?"

★ "Have you ever felt like Atlas, threw your back out on the axis and collapsed and threw away from planet away?"

★ "Everyone's just blood in an ice tray"

★ "A vampire picking flowers out in the sun"

★ "Ooh, could you take a look at me? (It's the norm for animals, it's the norm for chemicals)"

★ "If you were in my shoes, you'd walk the same d★mn miles I do"

★ "It doesn't take a killer to murder. It only takes a reason to kill"

★ "The difference twist fate and free will is whether you're singing"

★ "(You could break an angel's fall, and ignore the Devil's call. Still foresaken shoulders fall silent now)

★ "(Man no more than animal is made of moral chemicals)"

As It Was - Harry Styles:

★ "Holdin' me back. Gravity's holdin' me back"

★ "In this world, it's just us. You know it's not the same as it was"

★ "Answer the phone. 'Harry, you're no good alone. Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?'"

★ "I don't wanna talk about the way that it was"

★ "As it was"

Saint Bernard - Lincoln:

★ "Hung up pictures of patron saints up on my wall to remind me that I am a fool"

★ "When I am dead, I won't join their ranks 'cause they are both holy and free"

★ "And I'm in Ohio, satanic and chained up. And until the end, that's how it'll be"

★ "Don't make me a liar, 'cause I swear to God when I said it, I thought it was true"

★ "There's really just one thing that we have in common. Neither of us will be missed"

SUPERSTAR - CG5:

★ "Isn't your family looking for you?"

★ "We'll uncover every lie, and I promise you'll survive"

★ "Well done, superstar!"

★ "Shine a light, we're fighting the dark"

★ "I'll never ever leave you behind"

★ "Lights are off and your life's in jeopardy"

★ "If I'm undone, put me back together soon"

★ "What's your choice? In the end, I'll always be your friend"

Achilles Come Down - Gang of Youths:

★ "You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you, Achilles. It's not much but there's proof"

★ "Redemption lies plainly in truth"

★ "Je vois que beaucoup de gens meurent, parce qu'ils estiment que la vie ne vaut pas la peine d'être vécue. J'en vois d'autres, qui se font paradoxalement tuer pour des idées, pour des illusions, qui let's donnent une raison de vivre (ce, qu'on appelle une raison de vivre est en même temps une eccellente raison de morir)" | "I witness that a lot of people are dying because they consider that life is not worth living. Paradoxically, I witness other people who are being killed for their ideas, their illusions, which give their existence a sense. What we call a reason to live is also an excellent reason to die"

★ "The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken"

★ "Remember the pact of our youth. Where you go, I'm going. So jump and I'm jumping. Since there is no me without you."

★ "Today, of all days, see how the most dangerous thing is to love"

★ "It's a pointless resistance for you."

★ "Achilles, Achilles, just put down the bottle. Don't listen to what you've consumed. It's chaos, confusion, and wholly unworthy"

★ "And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it"

★ "Hear those bells ring deep in the soul, chiming away for a moment"

★ "Les souvenirs d'une patrie perdue, l'espoir d'une terre promise" | "Memories of a lost homeland, the hope for a promised land"

★ "But be real and just jump, you dense motherf★cker (You're worth more, Achilles)"

★ "Be done with this now and jump off the roof (Be done with this now and get off the roof)"

[finduilasclln]

Welcome to my Buddie Fic Rec List!

Since I read so many Buddie fics, and some of them are so good, I thought I’d share them in some handy lists. I’ll be posting them in different categories, and you will be able to find all the posts HERE.

Disclaimer: Always read the tags and warnings! Also, tastes differ. These are my personal favorites, which doesn’t mean they’ll automatically be yours of course.

If you want to reblog and add some of your own favorites that fit the category, please be my guest! I always love discovering new fics. I will also add new recs of my own whenever I stumble upon them.

One last thing: Please like and comment when you’ve had a nice read. It means so much to authors to hear your thoughts! And don’t hesitate to share this post and spread the love for these fics around!

Buddie Fic Rec: "Lightning Strike / Buck's Coma".

Fics that are dealing with episodes 6.10 and 6.11 aka Buck getting hit by lightning and his subsequent coma. (Speculation as well as canon compliant)

It only falls into place when you're falling to pieces, by justhockey || 4759 words ||

“You don’t deserve him,” Eddie says. “You never have, and you never will.”

And then he hangs up the phone and lets out a ragged breath - one it sounds like he’s been holding for much longer than the length of that conversation.

It makes Buck’s fingers itch with the urge to reach out and touch him. He’s reached through fire and over cliff sides, across blood-soaked asphalt and between a decades worth of trauma, all for Eddie. This - this is nothing.

one more tomorrow, by fallingthorns (@fallingthorns) || 4438 words ||

He presses Buck’s hand into his forehead and breathes in the scent of antiseptic that lingers on Buck’s skin. He doesn't understand how he missed so many clues, doesn't know how he's been so clueless. But he thinks that some part of him did know that he was in love with Buck, because he put him in his will and made him Christopher’s guardian. Some part of him, deep down, knew what Eddie himself didn’t even realize.

He exhales and squeezes Buck’s hand again. It’s not supposed to be like this – the will doesn’t cover this. It was never supposed to be Buck that goes first.

“Bobby,” he whispers, voice cracking as he closes his eyes against the dorsum of Buck’s hand again. “What am I going to do?” -- Or, in the hospital, Eddie waits, and thinks, and dreams.

coming back as we are, by markofalover (@markofalover) || 4178 words ||

“Hey, Buck,” Maddie cuts in, soft. “Evan. Look at me.”

Buck looks at her. His heart rate is up, he can hear it on the monitor, and the nurse is looking between them with a raised brow. He’ll have to remember to apologize later, after he gets to his—

“They’re in the waiting room.”

...or, wherever he was, Buck comes back.

the tide comes (and goes and goes), by renecdote (@renecdote) || 3402 words ||

It’s almost funny that Eddie brought him to the beach today. To the ocean. He doesn’t know—can’t know, Buck hasn’t told anyone—but Buck feels unbearably seen by it anyway. He almost wishes Bobby was here too, so he could let his captain wrap an arm around his shoulders and say, “See? It didn’t take either of us.”

(That’s not true though, is it? It took them, it just didn’t keep them.)

Buck, Eddie, the beach, and conversations about okay.

For BTHB: hyperventilating

like the peel clings to the pomegranate, by fallingthorns (@fallingthorns) || 3482 words ||

Buck startles awake to Chris prying his eye open. Chris’s concerned expression swims into his vision as both eyes adjust, squinting at the morning sun streaming in through the window.

“You’ve been sleeping for fourteen hours,” Chris deadpans. Buck is still half asleep, but he catches the slight waver in his voice, can see his eyebrows furrowed as he watches Buck carefully. “You went to bed at seven last night, and now it’s nine in the morning.”

“Nine in the morning, huh?” Buck’s own voice resembles more of a croak as he sits up, muscles aching and head still throbbing. It’s all a result of being struck by lightning and in a coma for a few days, he knows, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

But what he does like is the smell of Eddie’s sheets, the pictures of him and Eddie and Chris on Eddie’s bedroom walls. He likes the feeling of Eddie’s arms around him in the middle of the night, making sure that he’s okay and breathing.

“Christopher.” Eddie’s voice hisses through the crack in the bedroom door. “I told you not to bother him.” -- Or, Buck recovers and doesn't quite realize what he means to others.

Raise my hand before I can speak my mind, by Mellaithwen (@mellaithwen) || 1696 words ||

“My name’s Eddie, by the way. Eddie Diaz.”

“Buck,” Evan says in response, before frowning. He’s never introduced himself as Buck in his entire life. “Uh—I mean—my name is Evan but…"

“But your friends call you Buck?”

Evan wants to say no, actually, because they don't. The youngest Buckley sibling has always gone by his first name, or his full surname. Never anything in between. The closest he’s ever come to having a nickname is when kids like to call him Mr Bee! And he buzzes back in response, but….Buck? No, that’s...that's new..

Eddie meets his son's favorite teacher, although it's not technically their first meeting at all... aka a coma!dream meet-cute.

let me know you (bedhead and morning breath), by burnthatbridge (@burnthatbridge) || 6157 words ||

When Eddie wakes, it’s to Buck’s arm slung across his chest, Buck’s ankle hooked over his, and Buck’s erection pressing into his hip.

Two out of three of those aren’t unusual.

It’s six weeks since the lightning. Five weeks and two days since Buck woke up. Four weeks and three days since he was released from hospital. Four weeks exactly since he came home, came to stay at the Diaz house while he recuperates, like he should have from the start.

It’s been three weeks and four days since they started sharing the bed.

or: Buck hasn't gotten off since the lightning strike. Eddie watches him do something about it.

Fragile lines (and wasted time), by Mellaithwen (@mellaithwen) || 7457 words ||

“Hey Buck,” Christopher says a little shyly, before reaching out to grab Buck’s foot through the hospital blankets—shaking it in the same way he’s woken his father up on many a bleary-eyed morning. The familiarity of the gesture makes Eddie’s head spin.

But of course, there’s no response from the comatose man on the bed.

“I thought you said he was sleeping,” Chris mumbles, angrily swiping at his cheeks, and Eddie’s already broken heart shatters all over again for whatever hope his son had just lost when his expectations were so cruelly dashed..

While Buck sleeps, and dreams in the aftermath of the lightning strike, Eddie tries desperately to hold himself together.

***

I will be adding my own fics that fit the category, in case you want to read those too:

lights will guide you home, by Finduilas || 916 words ||

Buck and Eddie have a talk after Buck gets back from the hospital.

[igot-sarang-ggg]

Hey there :) please could I request a one shot of Bruno bucciarati saving the reader from an enemy mafioso or her family and inducting her into his gang (before the events of golden wind) and what would the other guys reactions to her be. Could there be hints of romance please 💙💙💙

Thank you so much for your request! Sorry it took me so long post. Hope you enjoy the story

The Bakers Daughter (Bruno Bucciarati x Reader)

Masterlist

Small Summary: You work as a baker at a company owned by your father. when your father doesn't pay what he owes the boss hes given some time to round enough money to pay but instead he runs away and leaves you to clean up his mess

Small mentions: SPOILERS, near-death f!reader, blood, getting tortured, mention of la squadra spell check is out the window..

I never thought today would be my last day on this earth. Life's so cruel...

My eyes began to blur as I took my last breath. An image of Bucciarati came to mind, why am I thinking of him at a time like this? It seemed like he was swimming towards me, "Bru-no." How did this have to happen to me?

It was a day like any other, opening the bakery, helping customers, and what I loved the most baking! The bell on the door rang, "Welcome what can I get for you today?" I greeted a young man that walked in, he had a bowl cut for his hairstyle but it suited him nicely. He's been coming here every Saturday for the past few months. "Good morning Y/n, I'll have the usual."

"Ah yes, we'll have that out for you in a bit. Would you like anything else, sir?" I started to write down his total, "What would you recommend?" I pointed to the display of cookies and cakes, "We do have other sweet options like Frutta Martorana, Zeppole, and many others to name a few." he scanned the deserts in front of him. "Do you have strawberry shortcake?"

"Yes, we do, how many slices would you like on the cake?" I walked over to the dessert display and took out the cake he requested. "Twelve slices if that's alright." I smiled at him, "Sure thing." After cutting the cake I around up his total, "Okay that will be thirty dollars with seventy-three cents." He handed me two bills, "You can keep the change."

"Okay, thank you. Your sweets will be out in a few minutes mister..." I wanted to say his name but forgot we never exchanged our names, he knew my name cause I wore a name tag. "Bruno Bucciarati." I've heard that name before, most of the people in town talk about a guy named Bruno and how he always tries to help people in any way he can even though he's a Mafioso. "If you don't mind me asking what brings you to this part of town?"

"I had some business to attend to. Plus you guys do make some delicious desserts. I enjoy supporting companies such as yours."

"I see. Well, thank you for liking our deserts." As I packed up the deserts Bruno requested, the bell rang again, "Hi welcome what can I get..." When I looked up there were these two men, they'd been coming here for the past few months to speak with my father. They gave me a look, and I already knew what it meant. "He's in the back." The silver hair man walked in first and then the blonde guy followed. I continued packing the deserts and handed them to Bruno. "Here you go."

"Thank you. By safe Y/n... I'll come to visit the shop in a few days. My friends really enjoy your deserts." He took the box of deserts and left. We hadn't been getting a lot of business lately ever since those men started showing up. "This is a warning you better have it all by Thursday or else we're coming for you." They both left the bakery. I went to check up on my father he was on the ground crying. I knew that he was running his business with the Mafia but now it seems he's gotten himself into some serious issues. That's why mom left him when I was younger he's gotten into some sort of debt and now he has to pay the conscious.

Thursday came but those men didn't show, instead, Bucciarati came to the bakery. "Bucciarati it's nice to see you again. Do you want the usual?" I started to pull out some cookies. "Yes, thank you. How's business going?" He handed me the money, "Quite slow. Not a lot of people have been coming here lately." I handed him his change "I see."

"So what made you stop by, you usually come in on Saturdays." I started preparing the box and filling them with his order, "I like visiting you... Plus my friends and I wanted some sweets." He wanted to visit me? "Well, I'm glad you're here to visit and that you and your friends enjoy our deserts." I handed him the box he reached out for it and our hands touched slightly. "I'll come by another day. Hopefully, my friends can come with me so you can meet them." He smiled at me and then left.

 A few days passed and those men showed up again, this time they had five other men with them. "Hey beautiful, where's your father? We have some business to handle with him." The man with the red leather coat spoke. That morning my father had left with a suitcase and said he would be back in a few days. "I'm sorry boys but he's not here. He went out early this morning." I took out some fresh baked goods handing them to the group, "Would you like some sweets or would you like to order something?" The man with blue hair and red glasses slapped the tray of sweets from my hand, he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt.

"What do you take us for some idiots? Did you seriously just offer us some sweets? Your father owes us money and if he isn't going to pay us then we-" The blonde hair man pushed him away from me and covered the man's mouth, "You'll have to excuse him, he's a bit... Crazy and hot-headed." He faced the group of men with him. "Y/n here works for her father but doesn't know about him working for us."

"I see... She'll be perfect for baby face though. Her eyes, lips, her features would be a perfect fit." The one with purple hair spoke he grabbed my face I could see a glow in his eyes, something wasn't right. "Melone stand down... We can use this to our advantage." The silver-haired man spoke, pushing Melone away from me. "Formaggio use Little feet. Illuso knock her out." Before I could even say anything I was now small, the size of what felt like a Barbie doll. I was standing on top of the counter. I quickly jumped off and tried making a run for the door. As I ran to the door I could hear the men laughing, someone picked me up by my shirt "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE PLEASE LET ME GO!" Tears began to fall as I realized that today might be my final day, the one they called Illuso hit me and everything was now dark.

The sound of water splashing echoed in my ear along with people talking from a distance. 

"Wake up sweetheart." My head hurt, and there was a sharp pain in my throat; as if someone was holding a knife to it from the inside of my body. I tried moving but couldn't, my arms and legs were tied up to a chair. We were at a lake from what I could gather. "You're probably wondering what's going on or who we are... We're La Squadra, I'm Risotto. Your father owes us money, the boss isn't too pleased with him since he hasn't paid his dues. We warned him on our last visit that if he doesn't pay up then we'll kill him... But seeing as he's a no-show we'll have to kill you instead." I tried struggling against the ropes but it was no use, "Fight all you want, you won't make it out alive."

Looking at the group of men standing in front of me the blue hair man was holding a camera. "Your fathers next after you die. It seems your father took what little money he could and made a run for it; leaving you to clean up the mess he made." Why would he do this to me? "Once we get him we'll make him watch this video that records your very last moments here on earth. Being tortured by us and then drowning to death."

Tears slid down as they began to hit me. My screams were muffled due to the gag in my mouth, the pain was too much. I began coughing and felt something burst out of my throat. 'How am I still alive? How am I still breathing?!' I thought to myself. "Dump her in" Risotto gave the order and they pushed me into the water behind. I sank quickly; I kept trying to break free from the rope I wasn't gonna die down here not like this.

I was running out of oxygen. I looked up from where I fell seeing a dim light shine from the surface above. I'll just have to accept the fact that this is the end for me. "Y/n!" An image of Bruno came to mind, 'Why am I thinking of him at a time like this?' My head was now cloudy, my eyes blurry, and I couldn't move any part of my body. The last thing I remember seeing was a silhouette swimming toward me.

Where am I? My eyesight was still blurry I could only see a figure standing in front of me. Their mouth was moving but I couldn't hear a thing.

"Y/-"

"Y/n..."

"Y/N please wake up!"

I stood up coughing, "Y/n you're awake! I'm so glad!" The man hugged me. "Bruno?" He pulled away from the hug, it was Bruno. "Yes, it's me. I'm gonna take you somewhere safe... Stay with me okay!" He picked me up and started running, "Why did they do this to you?!"

"My father... The mafia... Money..." I couldn't formulate the words that I needed. I felt tired to speak. "Y/n please stay with me. I'll get you to a doctor but I need you to stay awake." He looked down at me and kept running the sounds of his footsteps began to fade.

When I came to I was in the hospital, Bruno was sitting in a chair sleeping next to the bed. How long has he been here?

"Bruno..." I whispered his name lightly shaking his arm. He opens his eyes, "Good you're awake. How are you feeling? Do you remember anything?"

"I'm okay. The last thing I remember was drowning... How did you find me?" He stood up walked toward the window looked outside and then walked back to me. He spoke in a hushed tone, "I've been keeping an eye on the bakery. Your father requested that I watched in case something were to happen to you. When you were thrown into the water I used my stand to rescue you." Stand? "What's a stand?" I asked him. "I'll explain later. The doctor will be coming here in a bit, when they ask you if you remember anything about the situation you were just in say that you don't remember, and if they ask where you used to work or how you know me tell them that you worked at Libeccio as a waiter." The door then opened a doctor and nurse walked in, Bruno excuse himself and left. They had asked me the same questions Bruno told me to answer, "Seems you may have some sort of amnesia, but it doesn't seem to serve. We'll be discharging you today. Bucciarati Said he'll take you in his care for a bit until you're able to recover." The doctor walked to the door, "We'll run some tests before you go and get the paperwork ready for you."

When they handed me the paperwork I noticed the name on it was wrong, I was gonna say something about it but I guess Bruno noticed and stopped me. We walked out of the hospital and towards his car, "I had to give you a fake name in case they worked for those men." I chuckled, "I get that but," I looked at the name that was written, "Why name me Uovo Sodo (Boiled Egg)?" He smiled and then chuckled, "I'm not so good at naming things, let's just leave it at that."

I started living with Bruno for a bit since I couldn't go home. He asked me if I wanted to join him and become a mafioso and join his team. He explained to me that he wanted to get rid of the mafia, drugs, and bad people like those men who tried to kill me. I agreed to join his team. He set a meeting with Polpo and soon after I joined Bruno's team.

We entered Libeccio I felt a bit nervous. Bruno placed his hand on my shoulder, "They're over there, in the back." I was still hesitant to walk over, "Don't be scared. Trust me they'll like you just as much as I do." He kissed my cheek and took my hand leading me to the group of men, he then let go. "Guys I want you to meet Y/n. She'll be joining our team from now on. Y/n this is Leone Abbacchio, Guido Mista, Fugo Pannacotta, and Narancia Ghirga."

"Woah a girl is joining!?" Narancia spoke. "She's kinda cute. This could be fun." Mista stated... I'll make a mental note to not get so close to him. Fugo stood up taking out his hand, "It's nice to meet you Y/n." I shook his hand, "Likewise."

Abbacchio removed his headphones and crossed his arms, "So this is Y/n, the girl that was legally declared dead not too long ago, huh? How'd you cheat death?" The others seemed confused, I guess Bruno only told Abbacchio what had happened... or he was properly assigned to confirm my death. "Yes, that's me. If it weren't for Bruno I wouldn't be here. I almost drowned to death." I stood in front of the group seeing them look at me with pure amazement.

"Really how? Grab a seat tell us." Narancia Seemed excited to hear about my near-death experience and the other seemed interested as well. I told them everything that had happened. "All I want is to get rid of people like those men and help in any way I can to accomplish that."

After a month I became close friends with Mista, Narancia, and Fugo, they started calling me big sis. However, it did take some time to gain the trust of Abbacchio. Every so often he invites me to drink wine with him and Bruno. And as for Bruno, he and I have become close. Mista has teased me about how Bruno stares at me when I speak or when I'm helping Fugo torture Narancia. I've noticed too.

"I just got a call Leaky-eye Luca was found dead near the airport. I have to get going, I'll be back in a bit." Bruno singled me over to him; we both walked out of Libeccio.

"What is it, Bruno?" I asked him. "We both know time is short for the both of us. After I come back from investigating Luca's death, would you like to go on a date with me?" I smiled so brightly, "Yes, I would." I hugged him feeling so happy and like the luckiest girl alive he hugged me back. "Wonderful, I'll be back shortly okay." We pulled away from the hug a bit and that was when he kissed me for the first time. My heart raced as it felt like time had stopped for us two. "See you soon." He smiled, "Good luck Bruno." We said our goodbyes and he left.

Soon after Giorno Giovanna joined our group, nothing went as planned once he joined.

Request for One-shot are open!

[silurisanguine]

15 lines of Dialogue game

As ive been away for the weekend, not sure if anyone tagged me with this but saw it open tag so here we go. Tagging @vorchagirl @despicablediet and anyone who'd like to do it! 15 Lines of Dialogue Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well! Since i've written the most with Seren Jones, I shall pick her for this!

1 -"Maybe I am, but there isn’t anything left in this universe worth staying for. Whatever is in the next universe has to be better than this one Barrett, it has to. I can't bare to stay here any more, not without him, not when I could have done it so differently."

2 - "Cora… she was there, saw her dad die…She hated me, blamed me for not saving him. After the funeral, Lillian took her and that was the last I ever saw that wonderful twelve year old. I realised then I had no reason to stay in my universe as everything i loved had been taken from me. I hoped maybe another would give me a second chance. To fix things..to try again…

…That’s why I do this.”

3 - "I came here the first time with no preconception of what I’d find. I was in awe at the location, just as you are now. But what I learned here has guided my hand in relation to how I see the Artifacts, how I see Unity and the Starborn. Anyone who wants to complete the Artifact collection, needs to know the full story for themselves.”

4- "Now you see how dangerous this place is, and this is just the start. The Starborn Guardians here have lost all empathy, all compassion, their humanity in pursuit of their cause. They have nothing left in their existence except to stop anyone else reaching the Temple. …I sometimes wonder what is the point of their existence before I wipe them out of it for good.”

5 -”You washed them clean. I can say one good thing about Lillian in that she gave you the chance to do that. You’re not the same man, Sam.”

6 -”They makes me smile every time I come back here. But I’m not entirely alone, the fish there get a view unlike any other.” She pointed to the couple of little fish swimming in their tanks, sitting right at the edge of the massive view screen. “If you don’t mind taking care of them for me, they’ve been a good little crew, never complained once.”

7 - "I've never met you before. Until today I'd never met a single pirate here." That was the truth, if a little stretched Seren thought.

8 -"All this, this universe is a nightmare. I've been to so many variations and… You… everyone here is so different, so wrong. It’s like Unity decided to show me the worst outcome possible just to make me appreciate who I’d - what I’d lost.”

9 -"Neat trick, have to remember that next time I'm in a hell-hole universe."

10 -"Sorry, Sam, just picturing you over Vlad’s head brought on images of you in ballet tights and…yeah, sorry, I have too much imagination.”

11 - "Yes, justice, Delgado. See that’s behind most things I do now. In this case justice for those your fucking coloured coded Spacers have harmed- have murdered. It’s interesting really how far I got here without anyone realising who I really am... I wondered why no one noticed the SIN of my ship. Even Jess surprisingly. It was a gamble using it of course…But no one ever clocked that I was flying the Razorleaf."

12- “Until I knew for sure you felt the same way I did, I wasn’t sure how to really act around you. But now I know, expect more of this, Sam Coe.”

13 - “You know I would! I mean she called me darlin, you know that makes me melt.”

14 - "…He always said he was bad with words, yet he could say things that were like love poetry to me, that would dazzle me. He was so open with his feelings when he trusted you. Funny, absurd sometimes and he cared deeply and loved passionately. He was an amazing father and I-"

15 - "I've no idea. Being Starborn didn't exactly come with a manual."

[aristocratic-otter]

I'm back from my trip back east and getting in the saddle again! Thank you to the lovely and talented group of folks who tagged me all week: @nausikaaa, @blackberrysummerblog, @artsyunderstudy, @prettygoododds, @whatevertheweather, @palimpsessed, @hushed-chorus, @facewithoutheart, @larkral, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @nightimedreamersghost. I've greatly enjoyed belatedly reading your words today!

From: Saving Simon Snow

Where was this hunger, this need, hiding, all those years I lived side-by-side with him? Where was the desire to wrap my skin around both of us, imbed him in my flesh and bones? How could I have been so blind to what he is to me? Baz didn’t help, I suppose, with the way he’s always hated me. But even that seems unreal now. Does he hate me?

From: an Age of Sail AU

The wind that whips and stings my face makes the barrelman’s cry of “Storm rising off the for’ard bow!” unnecessary. I can see the clouds rapidly boiling up in the east. A storm. A bad one. 

As if our lives depended on it (because they do, they definitely do), we all jump into action. Davy hurries off to douse the fires in the galley (it’s a bear to relight them, but open flame is deadly in hurricane conditions) and I run to help lower and tie down the sails.

From Snow Fox

We met clandestinely as often as Simon could get away, and while we were together, we spoke of our families and friends, and odd happenings in the world, but not about the war. Never about the war. 

But then Charleston was captured by the British. 

Tory families like mine were well-treated, but anyone with a documented history of fighting against the crown was imprisoned under the threat of hanging. Many of the common soldiers were eventually let go, under the reasoning that they were just following orders. But the officers were kept and sentenced to death. 

That’s when Simon Snow Salisbury became the Snow Fox. 

From: Raising Dragons

Is it wrong to find Simon even sexier when he’s struggling?

Maybe it was wrong to assign Ebb and Nat to Simon for swimming lessons…but Simon’s boundless energy is much better suited to keeping those two out of trouble. Not that I’m bad at it. But I know Simon is insecure about his parenting skills, so I like to ask him to do things that he’ll be competent at. 

That may have backfired today. But it’s hilarious, so I’m not too bothered. 

From a mystery gift (not a mystery for much longer!):

“Human females like seeing a woman’s underclothing on the outside, do they not?” Niamh asks. She’s staring at me. Her eyes are dark and dilated, and her skin glistens with sweat. All of her skin. Of which I can see far too much. 

“I would not know, [redacted]. I am not interested in seeing human women without their clothing."

From Westward Son

For the first time since the Snake River, I see the ghost of a smile on Simon’s face. “What if,” he says softly, “I don’t want alone time? What if I want you–to be with you, I mean?”

I grin broadly. “That, Simon, can be easily arranged.” Then, finally sensing that now might be the right time for it, I spread my arms wide, offering myself to him. 

His eyes widen, and the ghost of a smile becomes corporeal, and then he’s in my arms, letting a last few tears wet my shirt. “I thought I might never see you again,” he admits wetly. 

“I’m grateful you were wrong,” I whisper back, my voice husky with emotion.

From my COBB which has a name and no I'm not telling you 😉

"Is there something you’d like to tell me, Mr. Snow?” She gives me a pointed look, and I wilt under it. 

“You may as well tell her, Simon,” Penny says. “It’s not like things could get any worse.”

I turn to glare at her. I can think of plenty of ways things could get worse. Miss Possibelf could tell me that these are definitely [redacted], and that would mean…Baz and I…it would mean…too much.

From To Heal a Broken Heart

 ‘Basilton, you’ve left me no choice. You are too deeply involved in Mr. Snow’s life to be unbiased in his care. I am transferring his patient files over to Dr. Davies. You may no longer prescribe for him or decide treatment. And, you are on probation. Do not step one more foot out of line, Dr. Pitch, or I will have to relieve you of duty.”

(Yes, that's 8 fucking WIPs) (I've also just started a Simon's Birthday Exchange fic, but there's barely even 6 sentences written, so hopefully I'll have something to share next week!)

Tagging (for Wednesday or just a consensual hug): @frjsti, @angelsfalling16, @bazzybelle, @bookish-bogwitch, @bloodiedpixie, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @dragoneggos, @erzbethluna, @excalisbury, @fight-surrender, @fatalfangirl, @giishu, @ionlydrinkhotwater, @ileadacharmedlife, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @j-nipper-95, @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists, @krisrix, @letraspal, @messofthejess, @moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist, @mostlymaudlin, @onepintobean, @chen-chen-chen-again-chen, @prettylightsbigcity, @raenestee, @cutestkilla, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @theearlgreymage, @twinkle-twinkle-up-above, @tea-brigade, @technetiumai, @upuntil6am, @whogaveyoupermission, @yu-miou, @yellobb-old, @yeonjunenby, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[agentsquirrelsgotrobots]

Trans! Cody fic

There's more than one reason why Morocco isn't welcome on Griffin Rock.

This is a little lead up to the Trans! Cody au that I am writing using one of my favorite tf fanfiction tropes - humans to transformers. It's not necessary to read to understand the fic, so if the tags are triggering for you, feel free to skip. This is just a little thing to show how many times Cody has hidden that he is AFAB from the bots and how his family helps him in that respect.

Tw deadnaming, transphobia

Nobody said anything when Cody went to the pool.

Heatwave noticed that unlike the other boys, Cody wore a t-shirt over a black sports bra? On his chest.

Nobody said a thing when Cody's uncle called him Ce instead of Cody, Cody reintroducing himself and everyone quickly moving on.

Nobody said a thing when Charlie pulled Anna aside for a chat after Frankie invited Cody to a sleepover party at her house.

Why would they ever think that there was anything to miss? Really, it was just an open secret, and honestly, the Burns often forgot that the bots didn't know. That didn't mean that they didn't respect Cody's desire to pass quietly, and they showed their allyship quietly as well.

That didn't mean that everyone was so respectful.

"Carly? Carly Burns, that's enough of that. Be a proper young lady now, that's enough!" Morocco said, pulling a panicking Cody in front of the cameras.

"Carly? My cousin? She left when I was four! My name is Cody. You got the wrong kid!" Cody twisted out of Morocco's grip and ran out of the lab with a copy of his files, smashing the camera as he went.

He was crying, God was that embarrassing. Usually, he had three big siblings and his dad to stand in the way of people like him, but he just felt exposed, vulnerable in every way, and so, so uncomfortable.

He crossed his arms over his chest. He had worn his coat today, so he just wore a comfy sports bra instead of a proper binder or binding tape. He knew it wasn't what he wore, Morocco was around before he was born, but it still ached to know that Morocco had recognized him so quickly. Uncle Woodrow had left around the same time he had changed his name, and even though he wasn't the biggest fan of Ce, he could at least tell that Woodrow was coming from a place of caution.

Being off grid meant he wasn't always clued into name changes and little life events, so he tended to default to generic nicknames until he and Kade's names came up naturally in conversation. (Kade's mom was a piece of work, and his name was changed when he was an infant and a toddler for his own protection.)

He made it to a waiting Chase and hugged Charlie tight. His father returned his hug and had Chase gun it. They made it to city hall, where Morocco was racing with the footage of Cody reacting to his deadname. Open secret or no, outing a minor is incredibly dangerous, and the fear of Cody being killed over Morocco's petty greed was a stomach turning thought in Charlie's mind.

They made it, and Barney had already arrested Morocco for child endangerment. Apparently, chasing two children with dangerous robots was illegal. Imagine that.

Charlie ceised the camera footage, more than happy to make sure it got misplaced. No one threatened his kids and got away with it.

"Chief, I wasn't aware that you once had five children in the house." Chase said back at the house. "Is there a possibility that Carly could be an issue in the future?"

"Chase, I have always had four children. Carly visited for a little while, but Cody has been through a lot today, and I would rather like to go upstairs and make sure he is doing alright. End of discussion." Charlie had to force himself to calm down. The more defensive he got, the more the bots might push, and he REALLY didn't want to hear his son's deadname today anymore than he had to.

The bots were quiet after that, and he met his youngest in the kitchen, eating a bowl of ice cream and nearly swimming in one of the hoodies he had stolen from the boxes of merchandise that was sold at fundraisers before they got the bots, and Optimus's checkbook, available to them. Now, they were just spare clothes to hand out to anyone who needed them.

Kade gave him a bowl of his own. His personal bucket of ice cream was tucked under his arm and already had a giant spoon stuck in it.

"It's that kinda night, dad. Cody's probably gonna finish his ice cream, He already took his sleep medicine and head off to bed. I will have him keep his door open just in case."

Charlie smiled as the meds hit bottom as Cody stopped scraping the bottom of the empty bowl and toddered off to bed, hearing his drop onto his bed with a thud.

[honeybeewhereartthee]

•❅───✧❅Once Upon a fairy tale❅✧───❅•

╭─ ⋅ <<⋅xx ─ ✩Tale One: little mermaid─ ⋅NEXT>> ⋅ ─╮

"thank you very much. Your really kind!" Cold yet warm embrace of the happy fish boy envelope you, not caring for ones personal space as he happily show his gratitude towards you.

For saving his life. Through its more of his carelessness to not understand the way of the fish people-- the fact merfolk would die when they are too dry out.

"oh goodness! Your gonna dry yourself again! Pls be careful, Amagi!" Head spinning as your heart beats quite too loud and quite too fast for your poor soul, as you succomb to your embarrassment.

You never knew his such person who's doesn't know another person would not be open to such affection, at least from a stranger you barely know for a day --awake.

"oh! You can call me, Hiiro! Since you and I will have to stay together!" He beam still circling his arms around you. His slimy form that slowly covered your dry cloths( which you dried through the burning hear of the summer sun of this unknown world.

"pardon? Stay together? Why did you say that? Do you not know, I'm a Producer? I told you before. Producer with an idol is nothing good for new one like you! Neither will it be for me." You cannot believe he forgotten what you said earlier today, at least earlier the day back in your world. You don't know how time work in this world of fairy tale as he told you.

"won't it be ok? In This place. No one is an idol or a producer ! Ahaha ~ only Hiiro and ... Ah! I don't know your name yet! I don't want to call you producer since we're outside work!" He laughs your worry off as he look up to you, while he clings in your side, his blue eyes captivate you, a view of beautiful vast sky and the sea reflected in his eyes.

"ah. Do you really have to..." You look at his innocent blue eyes, unable to say more. You sigh. Defeated by those gaze. "It's MC." You introduce yourself.

"MC? MC... MC... MC! Hmm!" He keep repeating your name, your ears start to warm up with how your name being called by him multiple of time is slowly effecting you.

"c-can y-you please S-STOP t-that...! My name isn't a poem or whatnot to be repeated such passion... This aren't an ASMR tagged fairy tale right?" You covered your ears, or else you might lost yourself from such pure torture of a merman calling your name.

Surely his not a siren trying to drag you to the depth, as this is a little mermaid! Or-- or merman and siren tend to share same lore or almost same lore as one another, hence it cause such effect on you?

Many thoughts comes in your mind, finding logic to things, that's already so illogical the moment you wake such place! Obviously it's make your beating heart, calm as it should be. With how fast it is. You pretty sure, your sick!

"but your name is nice to say! It's very pretty and unique! " He honestly says, beaming you a smile that almost shoot an arrow through y your heart.

"AHHHHHHHHHH. PLEASE MY EARS AND HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS TORTURE." you turn bloody red as you try to move away from him.

" MC! MC!? MC!" He called out to you. he quickly swim to follows you, quickly as you both are still out on the open water.

"yes!? I am indeed, mc! Pls stop carelessly calling me with your siren like voice!" Embarrassed to even look at him, he chuckle at your words. You very interesting.

"ahaha~ mc your so funny! Let's be close friends!" ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

"No way!No way! I'll die if you continue to act so affectionate to me! We barely know each other! "

"it's ok! We will get to know each other or else we can't go back home!"

"say what? Pardon?!" You most be hearing things. So you two aren't totally stuck in this none techno world at all? You still able to go back to your home? To do the overbearing overtime to get money to buy food in weekdays?! Surely his not just saying that to applauses you!

"oh! I forgotten to tell you! " He pause as he realize he have failed to tell you an important information. "We need to make sure the fairy tale find it's happy ending! Or else we'll be stuck in this place!"

" I see! That's seems logical--" you nodded in understanding --not. " sorry I am too dumb to understand it clearly. " You admitted. There's no point to hiding such thing.

"oh! Don't worry! I'm more dumb than you are! Ahaha. If we're two dumb people, then surely we get along very well! " His optimistic as he down grade himself shocks you.

You sure don't meet such guy in your life before. Such optimistic and happy personality is either causing you to stress or melt your problem away. After a moment of silence, you thought of something.

"I have to ask. Are we the main character?"

"that... Is something I'm not sure. Dad never told me much about the process of entering a fairy tale! Since he probably thought it be my big brother who will experience it! After all, my big brother would become the monarch one day! I am but my big brother loyal aid!" He proudly says.

Through he notice how you swim away even further away from him.

"monarch? Aid? What type of timeline is your village stuck into?" Your very intrigued about his village but alas that's not the problem at the moment.

"Do tell me, quickly how to escape! You did says we need to get along. Is there more to such information? Happy ending is a goal but do we need to interact with the characters...? " You tried to mentally noted all the thing you learn so far about your situation. Wonderland what's the plot hole or a way our of this place, of course there's already a plain solution, but alas. There aways that is hidden through the context of the each rules and lore.

"woah. Your very into this! How nice! Ahaha~ I'm glad your interactive!" He quickly swim towards you again.

"... Keep your distance pls." You quickly made sure you and him have a five feet distance causing him to frown.

"Ah? Why? I will not harm you! I swear. I'm harmless." He try to reassure you.

"it's not about being harmless or not. It's about your presence is doing to my system. Your alluring fish ability, ahem a siren or a mermaid is known to have alluring voice that would help them drag their victims to the depths of the sea." Your an honest child when being force into the corner by a very captiviting person, your just a human being easily be tempted by such treat, through you refuse to succumb to such things.

"oh...!? Did you mean, you like my voice? I'm glad then!" He felt so happy that you think so. His beaming smile that can Rival the sun, almost melting you. "I mean.. your are an idol, you need to have a amazing voice or face or both to gain fans. You have both."

"ahaha. You think I'm good looking? Thank you for the compliment! Your also very charming!" Taken back from his compliment, you are not able to swim away and now he have his hands around you for embrace yet again. " Please don't run away, were being watch. " He whisper to your ears causing you to cower in fear, shaking like a leaves in windy season.

"Excuse me... Did you mean...." You dread to even look around the place, bur he nodded his head as he rest of against your right shoulder blade.

"it's the [ kraken ] ."

You sure hope he doesn't mean a literal one and just mean the sea witch!

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

(if want to be tagged pls comment or Send mail) Tag List : @vixxine

[daltoneering]

Fire and water imagery in episode 11

Mostly water thoughts today!

The biggest volume-wise instance of water in this episode is surrounding Vegas’ safe house—although this screencap doesn’t show it, there’s water on both sides of the house. This is an interesting contrast with the minor family’s usual base, which has no water, especially as opposed to the main family house, which has lots. The other parallel I saw here was with the boat that Kinn kidnaps Porsche onto in episode 1.

Another Porsche pool scene! And so nicely paralleled/contrasted with the Vegas pool scene in episode 9—literally even the angle here is the same when Porsche gets out to sit on the side of the pool. It’s daytime; he’s been swimming, rather than reflecting at the bottom of the pool; it’s Porsche that starts the conversation, despite Chay surprising him there. I mentioned in my thoughts on the ep 9 scene that we almost only see their profiles; while the fact that there is a swimming pool in the way makes it hard to film them face-on, there are way fewer profile angles/shots from behind here, and certainly more from the front. In ep 9, Vegas has come to “apologise” to Porsche (see: further manipulate him into trusting him); here Chay is coming with his heart open and hurting and needing Porsche’s reassurance in return. Porsche is so much more open and honest here than with Vegas, where he was closed off and cautious. It’s just a really lovely contrast!

There’s also something about how still the water is in ep 9 (like, Apo even did his incredibly obscene slinky-slide into the pool in the BTS—to stop the water from rippling too much?), and here it’s all full of ripples and movement. I’ve not really thought of it in this way before but looking back I wonder if it’s not too much to say that there is something threatening about still water (main mafia family pool, The Pool lurking when KP have unsaid things between them, the water all around the minor family safehouse), and something less so about water with movement? (The river by which KP have their first kiss, the stream in the woods, the water feature in ep 8.) Maybe I am just reading too much into it though!

Ohoho, some strong parallels here to that episode 1 boat scene. You think you can get away? The water is trapping Pete here with Vegas. The only thing is, while Porsche was ready and able to jump into it to get out of there, Pete isn’t given the chance—unlike Kinn pursuing Porsche (mostly) because of his father’s directives, Vegas has been actively told by his father to get rid of Pete, and is going directly against him to keep him here. There have been so many excellent thoughts written already on what Pete means to/for Vegas, but the most important one here is that he’s not going to let him get away. Yet? (Boy, I hope that it’s a yet. An ep 6 ending parallel would simply end me. But I am getting off track!)

Porsche is smoking again in the bar scene! (Cue me panic-messaging my meta thoughts friends about what this means for my smoking theories, lol.) He’s clearly relaxed and enjoying himself, and bringing Kinn into this place of comfort for him and into his family (Yok)—so I guess if he’s enjoying that comfort, why wouldn’t he be smoking. Maybe my theories are intact. It’s cosy and familiar and his fiery spark comes easily in that combination of home + Kinn’s presence.

(Thoughts on mirrors and reflections in this episode here / fire and water imagery gdoc that has thoughts for all aired episodes here / series tag)

[hushed-chorus]

15 questions | 15 tags

Thank you for the tags, @shrekgogurt, @artsyunderstudy and @johnwgrey! Let’s give this little baby a go.

1. Are you named after anyone?

A biker my mother once knew and a cricket player she fancied. Both dudes, even though I am “biologically female”. Interesting character, my mother!

2. When was the last time you cried?

I shed a few tears today, but it was a healthy cry

3. Do you have kids?

No

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not as much as I used to—my humour is still dry, but my sarcasm can miss the mark so I’ve toned down on it.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Body language, I think. I vibe quickly on mood—mostly approachability and openness. These things don’t outright determine whether I’ll interact with someone, but will determine how. I think this is why I struggle with communicating by text. I can’t vibe check! But I literally won't remember a *thing* about how they dressed, their eye colour, etc, unless it's particularly noteworthy.

6. What’s your eye color?

DARK, DARK BROWN. Like, pretty much pitch black. I once NPC’ed as a wraith at LARP for a monster role (basically, my job was to fight/be beaten up by the players and be dramatic about it) and my skin was painted white for the role. I ended up with a swarm of other, similarly-attired people just staring at my eyes and being told I was spooky.

7. Scary movie or happy endings?

So, does the scary have to be a movie? If so, then I go for happy ending. Basically, I like horror stories but scary movies don’t tend to do it for me. However, happy endings that aren’t bittersweet feel like a rare commodity in modern storytelling, so I treasure them.

8. Any special talents?

I’ve been told that I’m a good storyteller. Most people say this in relation to the roleplay games I run. Only recently have I stared sharing my writing with others. I wouldn’t say I am a talented writer—specifically, I struggle with the craft (grammar, etc). I used to blame missed schooling, but given the insane difficulty I’ve had learning grammar, etc, as an adult, I suspect there’s something more at play.

9. Where were you born?

Cornwall

10. What are your hobbies?

Writing (specifically creating stories), reading, cooking, and seeing new places. Also, learning! I usually have a subject or two that I’m casually learning. At the moment, it’s Spanish (my first time with a language) and folklore. Previous to this it was maritime history and I dabbled in political theory.

11. Do you have any pets?

Nope, but I've had pets in the past and want to have some again! I love animals!

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I loved playing football/soccer as a child. As an adult, I loved rock climbing and cycling until my health got too bad. I'm hoping to get back into ocean swimming, but I fear that would be a fool's errand. Is ocean paddling a sport?

13. How tall are you?

5’8

14. Favorite subject at school?

Music! Our teacher would leave us to just jam in the music rooms. I’d just play my bass guitar with whoever decided to drop in and join. I’d also sing, sometimes.

15. Dream job?

Ok ok, so this is super specific but here we go. If I didn’t have a disability and I was fully competent (and could afford the set-up costs), I’d love to own an old-fashioned ship. A simple-to-run two-master that performs well with minimal sailors on coastal waters. And I would use that ship to take underprivileged teens out onto the sea for a few days. Give them the opportunity to experience the ocean in a new way, to get the thrill of it, learn an exciting new skill and, most importantly, to give them a chance to feel like a valued and respected member of a team. Help them build their confidence and give them a treasured memory. (obviously voluntary—totally wouldn’t be everyone’s scene!)

I used to volunteer with youth groups in coastal settings before and I loved it. So many of the teens benefited from having an adult who would listen to them, treat them with respect, and give them a chance to feel like life can be special. I’m still in touch with some of them, ten years later!

I think lots of tags have already been issues so I will skip on tagging? Anyway, this was fun!

[heyjudemunson]

Freaks to Lovers - Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5 - PRINCESS LEIA

or read here!

ch1 - The Hellfire Club ch2 - Pool Party ch3 - Memories ch4 - Insomnia

Eddie Munson x female!reader

fluffy/angsty

3.5k

tw: mentions of shitty parents, period embarrassment but I will tag per chapter as tw appear!

taglist: @flamehairedwritings​

pic from tudum.com

Whap!

A balled-up pillow crashes into the side of your face. You groan with your eyebrows immediately furrowing together. Snatching the pillow off so you can see again, you glare in the direction it came from.

"What the hell?" you bark.

"Breakfast!" Mike shouts before stomping back upstairs. That boy is of few words and harsh manners sometimes and it gets under your skin. Strike One. Not today. I am not dealing with this bullshit today.

You force yourself to sit up, chucking the pillow across the room where Mike had been sleeping with as much force as you can muster. It lands with a light thump and slides into the wall. It knocks into some of Mike's D&D figures he left out, but you don't care. He smacks you in the face, you shove his minis over, seems like a fair trade to you.

Last night was rough, to say the least. You didn't get a lick of sleep at all during the night. Staying up until almost 3 a.m. swimming and then Eddie's bombshell of a confession left you no chance in hell that you would get even an ounce of rest. Your mind wouldn't and couldn't leave it alone.

I mean, what even was that? Every word, every nervous habit Eddie did replays in your memories as if that would change the ending. No matter how many times you relived it, the ending stayed the same. So, he just admits to staring at you most of the night, calls you attractive again, leans in to almost kiss you, and then darts? Is he kidding me? Strike Two.

But that's Eddie Munson for you: always running. He runs away from all of his problems, something you could sympathize with but never entirely understand. Upon meeting him early in high school, you watched as he built every wall around him to keep himself guarded. You tried finding any holes or unsteady spots in the structure to peer through but to no avail. With his family the way that they were, he first ran off to live with his uncle Wayne instead as soon as he was able. Then he ran from any new nickname the jocks came up with by keeping his head down and blocking out the world around him. With every nasty comment on the "satanic game," he bit his tongue instead of shouting his true feelings back. Even when what's-his-face shoved you Friday morning, Eddie didn't do a damn thing. Of course, he would rant your ear off after school about how stupid and horrible the majority of Hawkins High truly was, but he never actually lived up to his words or threats of ever taking care of them.

Last night, he literally ran.

He's never seemed to have stopped running the whole time you knew him.

You've barely woken up and already you're irritated still thinking about what happened.

No, you're annoyed.

No. You're worse: bitchy.

You groan and wipe a hand down your face attempting to smooth out any frown lines on your forehead. With a small sigh, you stand letting the blanket fall to the floor in a heap at your feet. Stretching your stiff limbs, you look around and notice that no one else is in the basement. The guys must have been too hungry to wait around for you. Surprisingly, you didn't hear any of them wake up since they aren't the most considerate bunch. Maybe you did fall asleep for a moment, but still, it irks you that no one bothered to wake you so you could eat, too. Strike Three.

Glancing down at your pajamas, you decide against changing into real clothes. Honestly, you can't be bothered to change; you already don't feel like yourself from the lack of sleep, so the Iron Maiden tee stays on. Besides, it's going to be an all-day session and you want to be as comfortable as possible, and wearing stiff and scratchy jeans would simply make your day worse than it already is.

You pull yourself up the stairs by the railing. It's hard work coordinating your feet to move and lift your body with each incline. The rigid ache feels heavier in the soles of your feet with every step up. Suddenly, everyone's voices hit you before you get halfway up, already slightly aggravating you. Each sentence spoken is grating the back of your head even if you can't completely understand what is being said. Their voices already overwhelming you. Strike Four.

It's going to be a very long day.

At the top of the steps, the clock hanging in the hallway reads 8:32 a.m. You have half an hour until the campaign resumes. Maybe I can take a power nap before we get going? You push open the kitchen door with one final stretch of your arms, letting the smell of pancakes and bacon hit your nose.

The entire Hellfire Club is sitting around the kitchen island still in their sleepwear. Half-empty drinking glasses, sticky plates, and maple syrup drops cover the surface. You wince at the sight knowing Mrs. Wheeler will have a full come-apart at the mess. It's a good thing that the rest of the Wheeler's are gone this morning -- shopping or something, Mike had said. You hope someone else will clean so the club isn't kicked out before spring break really gets going, though you have a high suspicion that the job will fall to you. Cleaning up huge messes usually falls to you. Potential Strike Five.

All conversations cease as soon as you are leaning across the island to grab one of the few pancakes that are left stacked on a plate. Stopping in your tracks with your right hand outstretched, fingers wrapping around a pancake, you glance around.

"What?" you hiss with a raised eyebrow. You don't mean for your voice to sound so harsh, but it does. You don't feel like apologizing for it.

Suddenly, you feel hot. All eyes are zeroed in on you, watching closely.

"You look rough," Mike finally says. Strike Six.

Some of the boys let out soft chuckles, hiding behind their glasses of milk.

You flip him off. "Thanks," you say sarcastically.

"I think maybe Mike just means that you look tired?" Dustin offers.

You shake your head, trying to let the comments roll off your back. "Yeah, just tire-"

Jeff, with a sly grin creeping over his face, mumbles something that cuts you off, "The bikini made you more fun." Lucas slaps his arm in annoyance. Clearly, the topic of you in your swimsuit had come up this morning before you entered the kitchen. Strike Seven.

"Oh, fuck off!" You throw the pancake in your hand at Jeff, hitting him in the chest. Grabbing another, you finally take a bite. "As if you've never seen someone in one before," you say with an attitude that was hard to miss, even with your mouth full. This time, you meant the harshness.

"Yeah, but this is a little different," Gareth admits with a shrug, he presses his lips together, suppressing a smile that's still ghosting his features. Why are these idiots testing me right now?! Frowning, you direct your attention to Gareth. Glaring at him, daring him to keep talking.

"Yeah! You're like Princess Leia," Dustin offers again with those eyes full of boyish charm. You can tell that he senses your bitchy mood by trying to soothe things over.

"Princess Leia?" you ask, now confused. You reach over again and pick up a glass of orange juice. Inspecting it, it seems like it has been untouched.

"Like, you already know she's a badass, right?" You nod, raising the glass to your lips. "So, New Hope and Empire Strikes Back shows her as this super cool princess of the galaxy. She faces Vader without hesitation, fights like hell, and kicks ass for the good of her people. She's cool, right? Then, Return of the Jedi comes out, and the scene of her in that gold bikini? That's when you realize that she's been super hot underneath the badass-ness this whole time."

You slam the glass down on the island, almost choking on your orange juice. "Oh, my god. What?!" you ask between coughs. Strike Eight.

Dustin throws his hands up. "Hey, don't yell at me! Eddie said it first!" He jabs his thumb in the long-haired boy's direction. Your eyes follow his direction and see those brown eyes already watching you. Strike Nine.

With that shit-eating grin that you're starting to hate, Eddie starts, "Well, I don't think I said it quite like that." His left hand scratches the back of his neck. It's easy to tell that he didn't expect that newest confession to reach your ears.

"Then what did you say?" you counter, clearly referencing last night.

He watches you for a beat, hurt dancing across his face. "Sorry, Sweetheart," he simply offers. Strike Ten.

Sweetheart. The pet name makes you sick to your stomach. You roll your eyes again, face definitely on fire now. "Fuck you! You're all so stupid!" You snatch another pancake off the stack and turn on your heel, heading back to the basement. Each club member goes deathly silent as they watch you stomp out of the kitchen, banging the door against the wall as you shove it open.

It shouldn't bother you this much. It shouldn't really bother you at all. You always wanted at least someone to notice you, right? But knowing the boys were practically talking about you behind your back, possibly suggestively, struck a chord in you that made you angry. It added to the growing strikes of your bitchy feeling. Ten strikes and it's not even 9:00 a.m. yet.

Yeah, it's going to be a very, very long day.

-----------------------

It's been hours of non-stop battling, except for lunch, in the resumption of the game. Resting your head in one hand with the other hand tapping a simple rhythm on top of the table in front of you. Sleep has been creeping over your eyelids but you fight it off with a shake of your head. Though, your head shaking is getting more and more frequent as the minutes go by. Your eyes have been threatening to glaze over for a couple of hours now and nausea starts to settle in your lower stomach from exhaustion. Every moment you're not asleep makes you feel immensely worse.

It doesn't help that Eddie has been not-so-subtly casting glances your way all day, which only fuels your steadily growing flames more. No one has dared to speak directly to you since your little outburst at breakfast. If they do try to talk to you, they avoid direct eye contact so they won't get scorched by your fiery glare. Eddie especially hasn't said a damn word to you other than Sorry, Sweetheart. It makes you almost gag just thinking about his so-called apology.

Eddie studies you over the top of his Dungeon Master dividers, trying to read you. Every time you meet his eye, you quickly glance away with an eye roll so fierce your eyes threaten to roll right out of their sockets. So what if you're in a bad mood? So what if you're surrounded by complete idiots right now? You're allowed to feel like this sometimes. But his constant watching over you irritates you more.

"You good?" Lucas, still somewhat apprehensive of your foul mood, nudges your elbow atop the table lightly.

"Hmm? Yeah. Fine." You lean up slightly, adjusting in your seat. You hadn't realized your brows had furrowed together so closely, now you have a dull headache behind your eyes from being so tense for so long.

You didn't have to look up to know that Eddie's eyebrows also perked up, disappearing behind his bangs at Lucas' hushed question. Tired of all the eyes on you and apprehensiveness of another outburst, you slap your palms flat on the table and stand, forcing the chair to scrape the concrete floor behind you. "I'll be right back," you snap at no one in particular.

You manage to take only a few steps toward the bathroom before Gareth calls after you, "Uh, are you okay?!" His urgency makes you spin a little too harshly, it makes your stomach flop adding to the nausea. You follow his gaze and finger down to your seat.

A blood stain.

The air in your lungs is knocked out and your heart drops to the floor, begging to fall further into the earth. Twisting your body to see the same stain on the back of your pajama pants, you snap back to the table meeting other concerned eyes questioning you. Gareth is locked in on your seat, not knowing what else to say. Mike and Jeff twist their faces in slight disgust at the sight. Dustin and Lucas don't know where to look, but they definitely try not to look at you, your chair, or each other. Eddie stands and leans over the table to see what the commotion is about. You watch realization wash over Eddie and he looks at you with that same look he gave you by the pool.

You can't handle it all. You screw your eyes shut, blocking out Eddie and the rest of Hellfire from your vision. Everything is spinning making the nausea worse. You let out a soft oh, god, and race to the bathroom, slamming the door and clicking the lock behind you. You throw open the toilet lid and let your stomach finally empty itself.

As if this day couldn't get any worse.

Had you counted the days wrong? Your period was supposed to start next week, right? Had it come early if you had counted right? Either way, you want to grab your pocket calendar to double-check your dates, but it's still in your overnight bag. There's no way you are venturing back out there.

Closing the lid, you sit on top trying to calm your breathing. You've never been so embarrassed. How could you not tell what was going on down there? You didn't feel a single thing? You had your tell-tale signs to let you know what was coming, but none of them made an appearance in the days leading up to now. Well, I guess the bitchy attitude should've been a clue, but still.

You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. Since you had clearly miscounted, you didn't have any supplies. Not a single thing that would help you in this situation was in your current possession. The thought of escaping comes to mind, though the window is just out of reach and certainly too small for you to fit through. You can't go back out there and face the group. You'd rather die in the Wheeler's basement bathroom than walk back out there in the sea of judgmental sharks without a cage.

And god, their faces. The reactions are seared into your mind now, how confused or disgusted they all looked. Half of them, if not all of them, don't understand enough about how girls work to know you had started your period.

What a way to start spring break, huh?

A knock at the door makes you jump. You hadn't noticed there was an eerie silence on the other side. Hugging your arms tighter around yourself, you will the person to go away.

When you don't answer, they knock again, just as soft as before. You roll your eyes and wipe the tears that were falling off your cheeks. "Go away, please," you try to say quietly but your voice cracks just the same.

"Can you open the door?" Eddie asks.

Great. You didn't want anyone to be near you right now, and certainly not him. "No," you sniff.

"Please? No one else is down here. Promise." That explains the quiet, you guess. The boys probably ran from the house of fright.

You step to the closed door to rest your forehead on it, arms still wrapped around yourself. "No. Please, just go away!"

"M'not leavin'. I'll stay out here all night if I have to, Sweetheart."

Groaning, you know it's true. He may be an ass sometimes, but he always keeps his word, no matter what he said. You wipe your face once more and slowly turn the knob, letting the door open just a crack.

Eddie is standing there mere inches away with his arms full, still avoiding your eyes directly. "Okay, so I dug through your bag and couldn't find anythin', so, I went up 'n asked Nancy what she had, but I wasn't sure what you liked. Here's a couple of tampons and pads, I can get more of whatever you'd prefer. Some Tylenol and a heating pad if you need 'em," he points to everything with a free finger and a nod of his head. "I also didn't see any other sweats for you in your bag either, so I brought you mine to wear. They're a little big, but th-they have drawstrings to make 'em tighter." He stretches his arms out waiting for you to accept.

The tears are threatening in your eyes again, but for a better reason. Eddie made you feel normal- as if this was the most natural thing in the world. Which it is, but Hellfire's immediate reactions had made you feel very different tonight. You open the bathroom door fully and step to the side, keeping your back almost pressed to the wall to save yourself from any more embarrassment. You motion for him to place everything on the sink counter. When he walks in, you notice that he's back in his ripped black jeans. He must have not brought an extra pair of pajamas for this week either.

"Where is everyone?" you ask. You fiddle with your nails, unsure of what to really say or do.

Eddie's eyebrows raise slightly at your mood shift but doesn't vocally acknowledge it. "Oh, um, upstairs. I kicked them all out," he points above his head to the living room on the next floor.

"Kicked them out?" you repeat. You finally look in his eyes for the first time today. He offers you a soft smile, reassuring you.

"Y-yeah, after I told them to not be asses about what happened. It's normal." You're heart swells at this. Normal, not a leper as everyone had made you feel. Eddie was used to this. He had been with you when you got your first period, so he is well adjusted to what's going on. "They gotta lot of growing up to do, I guess." He tilts his head to the side and rubs the back of his neck. He must have threatened them within an inch of life to make even Mike leave his own basement.

He didn't run.

Eddie continues, pointing his thumb to the table, "And don't worry about the chair. I'll clean it."

"You don't have to do that, Ed-" he raises a palm to stop you.

"Don't worry about it, Sweetheart. Get yourself situated and I'll take care of it."

You can't help but genuinely smile for the first time today, "Thanks, Eddie. Really. For all of this," you gesture to the supplies he brought.

"Anything for Princess Leia," he winks. His knuckles rap on the doorframe before snatching a washrag, dousing it with cold water to clean the stain you had left behind.

He didn't give you a chance to react to the new pet name because he knows you would've verbally torn him in two if he had stayed any longer. You watch Eddie walk away, selflessly kneeling to begin dabbing the stain on your seat. You hold the door open still, watching him concentrate on cleaning. Your heart swells again when he catches you studying him and he simply offers a small smile. He took care of you, just like the way you take care of him. He didn't have to do any of this. You know he knows that, but he still jumped into action for you. He told off his friends for making you feel two inches tall for something you can't exactly help. He went to Nancy for advice and supplies for you. He offered up his own sweats for you to have something clean to wear. You rummage through everything he brought to see that he even got you clean pair of underwear. They were tucked into his folded sweats so they wouldn't be sticking out like a sore thumb amongst it all. You couldn't help but let an appreciative sigh escape your lips.

Eddie's focus with his tongue sticking out between his teeth makes you realize you finally had a name for that word you've been trying to find.

That word that has been on the tip of your tongue but escaping you at the very last second.

That word that you've felt for such a long time between you and Eddie. You had felt it for as long as you can remember. From every extra peanut butter and jelly sandwich you made, to swapping pieces of vinyl every other week, all the way down to the shared looks in the hallway when someone was acting like a fool- you felt it in every moment.

There was no more denying it.

Truth be told, you knew this word all along but kept yourself from saying it out loud. Saying it out loud made it real. You never wanted it to be real because it officially changes things. Maybe you're ready for things to change. Maybe that's what Eddie was trying to admit last night.

So, you finally had a name for that word you've been trying to find.

Love.

You love Eddie Munson.

[milo-is-rambling]

I really want to paint something big. I think it would do something. Make me feel something. I want a big canvas project. Like a canvas the same height as me. That would be so expensive but I want it. I don’t even have paper that big I only have regular printer paper and maybe 11 x 17 (printer department flashbacks) ughhhhhhh. What time does five below open. Maybe. No. Ugh fucking stupid baby car (in my head I’m like a sim I’m stomping outside and kicking over the trash can) I hate the baby car. Maybe I could suck it up. If I can go early. It won’t be crazy hot (lying) but I could go to five below and get at least a bigger sketch pad (I know I have so many notebooks and sketchbooks and smaller canvases I’m not using rn that are fine but I want the happy buying things chemicals) I am so tired right now and I took a very large bong rip and now I’m just stream of consciousness typing and it’s ugh yeah my brain is tired and I want to be happy and do something I can pretend is productive but I don’t have any real ideas for art stuff. Well I did have an idea last night for a cardboard thing. Hmmm. And I haven’t done magazine collage in a while I could do that. Hmmmmm. I feel like if i don’t do something productive soon I’m going to explode (taking meds is working. Also three weeks back on meds as of yesterday) maybe I’ll move around my flags and posters today…… hmmm. However my mom did come into my room the other day (hanging out with funk) and randomly look at my wall (she doesn’t normally sit at my desk to look closely at that wall) and she was just like wow there’s a lot of thumbtacks in that wall. So I do feel like maybe moving posters and stuff is not the move. However. I also feel like I desperately need to get out of the patterns I’m stuck in so I want to change my environment instead of myself bc I’m avoiding changing myself always for reasons I’m not even sure of. Lie. Putting in effort scares me. Knowing i could put work into being a person and still crumble again and lose it all is terrifying and it feels like every time something goes well something else comes crashing down and I can never have everything going well at once. That’s why. But that’s also an excuse to not change my shitty behavior bc it’s hard and I’m lazy. But is that the mean voice in my head or is that the truth. Am I lazy or have I been depressed for so long I don’t know how to be happy. I was thinking about natural selection yesterday while I was swimming. (Water motif) (I laughed when I thought it so I had to add it) anyways. Natural selection. I was just thinking like. My brain is fucked. If you put my brain into any other body in any other place in any other situation they would still be depressed. I have a chemical imbalance like it’s just fucked to begin with. So then you have to be like okay so if I don’t go on meds. I can’t do anything. I’m literally like. I just rot away and do nothing when I’m depressed. But when I was like 11/12 the depression hit hard as fuck and I don’t remember when I got put on meds the first time but I think I was 14 or 15. Well. Wait. I did take a liquid dose of an antipsychotic when I was 13 because I couldn’t take pills (still hate taking pills). I forgot about that until just this moment. That was a ROUGH time in my life. And I just. Fully forgot about it. Okay. Ignoring that it’s been like six years since I first started seeing a therapist oh my god seven years since ***** i don’t even want to have a tag for him lol ignoring it !!!! Ignoring it !!!! Ignoring it !!! Not thinking about it !!! 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 ignoring it. Okay. I forgot what my point was. I think my point was I should’ve been dead years ago if meds didn’t exist and yet I still have this cycle of taking them taking them then not taking them and now I’m on a taking them cycle but like what is wrong with me !!! Oh yeah the chemical imbalance and then add some traumatic shit too !! Ughhhh!!!! BRAINS ARE SO LOUD. I want to sleep.

[laurainthemiddleeast]

The Dead Sea

Our trip so far has been amazing! It stated out a little stressful, but things have been smooth sailing since we left the airport! Our flight from Halifax to Montreal was delayed 3h, which are up most of our layover unfortunately. When we got to the Royal Jordanian counter with our bags, the woman initially told us we were too late to get on our flight. Joelle looked absolutely devastated, and the woman took pity on us, going above and beyond to hand tag our bags, print sketchy boarding passes that didn’t even scan at security, and call a wild number of people to get us on that plane. Joelle and I literally sprinted through the airport. They paged us 5 times overhead and called my cellphone. I don’t think I have ever been that sweaty, and we were ago short of breath the fate agents looked alarmed. But! Nevertheless, we made it on the plane! Our bags, however, did not. Which is hardly surprising. We didn’t let it derail anything, and any slight disappointment was easily fixed by the car rental men who gave us this rose water-syrup soaked pastry with pistachios to celebrate their colleague’s new son. I have no idea what it was called, but it was delicious. We headed to a mall to get some essentials and to our hotel to crash for the night.

Today was our first real day in Jordan, unless you count shopping at Victoria’s Secret and Pinkberry as an “authentic Jordanian experience”. We woke up at 7 and headed down immediately to the Dead Sea. The air was 10 degrees, and Joelle and I steeled ourself to wade into the icy water; we might never get the chance again, after all. We were shocked and delighted to find the water temperature was an extremely pleasant 26 degrees. The Italian people still thought it was cold, but it felt like a bathtub to us. We were surprised at how narrow the sea was. You could easily see across it, to look at Israel’s West Bank while you floated! Apparently it is actually not a sea, but a lake, and was formed when the Arabian and African tectonic plates separated. It’s over 2300 feet deep!

Th water has 30% salinity (compared to 3% normal sea water). In fact, it’s so salty that no plant/aquatic life can survive except some algae (hence the name). It was insane how easily you floated. I could float vertically with my hands in the air, shoulders well out of the water. They had dug out some clay from the floor of the Dead Sea and put it out for us to use. It’s black and contains tons of silica, which feels lovely on your skin. Omar, the “lifeguard” (who was fully clothed in a tracksuit and runners) showed us how to mix in crushed salt from the shores to make it an exfoliating scrub. Interestingly, the Dead Sea is also the lowest point on earth, about 430m below sea level.

After our 10/10 Dead Sea swim, we rinsed off at the hotel spa (you could see and feel crystallized salt on our skin!), and then headed out into the mountains to the Ma’In natural hotsprings. God bless Joelle for driving here. The drivers do not seem to notice or obey lanes painted on the road, there are a surprising amount of sheep and goats that cross the road, and the directions Google gives us aren’t always super clear. Almost every car here has huge dents/scrapes, etc. and I am not the least bit surprised. Joelle says she’s not using her turn signals anymore because she “doesn’t want to look like a nerd”. The roads in the mountains along the Dead Sea are also *mostly* hairpin turns on cliff edges, and there are AGGRESSIVE and unmarked speed bumps like every 10km. I’m surprised we haven’t bottomed out the car.

The hot springs were beautiful and warm, and we had lunch there as well. We ordered far too much food, which is saying something for us; these girls like to eat. We asked to eat outside and the manager of the restaurant smiled and happily said “we have cats!” He was not lying. There are tons of cats everywhere in Jordan. While many countries have dogs roaming around, Muslim countries tend to have cats instead, since they are ritually pure/clean and can be around prayer mats, mosques, etc while dogs cannot. While cute, they do not really respect personal space. Joelle made a new friend who spent the majority of the meal purring in her lap and begging for bits of food. So cute, but the risk of fleas was non-zero 😬.

After that we got back in the car and headed to Aqaba. We stopped along the natural Salt Shoreline of the Dead Sea, and walked down to water’s edge. At the beach we were at earlier, salt had been chopped away so that you didn’t have to walk across the sharp salt and risk cutting your feet. Here, you could see beautiful crystallized salt formations all along the shore. It looks like sea foam from far away but up close it’s very hard and sparkly. The white salt under the water also makes the water look turquoise closer to the shore.

We drove through a desert after passing the Dead Sea. It was so stark and barren for the most part, but we witnessed the most beautiful sunset. The entire sky was orange, pink, and deep purple. So far, Jordan has been great. The nature/landscape is gorgeous, the people are beyond friendly, and the food is 👌🏻.