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fluent-in-lesbianism · 7 months

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the phrase ‘stuttering like an idiot’ needs to be stricken from all forms of media

#next time I read one of y’alls fics and I see that phrase #I’m leaving a comment asking why you think someone with a stutter sounds like an idiot #you made me read it in a beloved character’s voice #so now we both get to suffer #and bc I don’t trust y’all #I’m suspending your right to ‘did I stutter’ until you do better #you’ll have to figure out a more creative way to convey that your character is nervous

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oatbugs · 3 months

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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soldier-poet-king · 4 months

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started another bg3 playthru bc i Am Sad TM, draconic bloodline dwarf street-urchin sorcerer bc i am making this as Sad as possible for a gale romance <3 i probably will not actually play it for a bit, but i was cooking in the character creator for like 3 hrs

#WE LOVE TO SUFFER!!!!#what's one lonely autistic mage without another lonely autistic mage #now with two different flavours of childhood isolation and grooming!#two different kinds of magical lack of control over appearance and powers!#two different kinds of visible markings of your magic that you cannot erase!#anyway her name is euphrosyne which is a misnomer #but abandoned as a kid and growing up an urchin bc she looks Like That #draconic blood?? in MY good dwarven family?? (her bio fam was clearly awful)#raised partially in a tiefling orphanage. the outcasts and misfits of it al #so she gets a virtue name. like tieflings #and is now like. clerk at a shop. very boring. just trying to stay out of ppls way. so lonely. doesnt rlly understand her magic #sees it largely as a curse #AND THEN. WHAM. HERE. HAVE THIS SWEETHEART WIZARD.#YALL ARE GONNA LOVE /AND/ HATE EACH OTHER #her dream guardian looks like the tiefling woman who was sort of her mom #i want at least one pc to trust the dream guardian. at least until much later in the game #my first tav and my durge were both suspicious mfs #euphrosyne is just. a little bitter and world weary. but kindhearted in a way the others werent

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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months

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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

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munamania · 5 months

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ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc

#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this #i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space #together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her #i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she #s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked #each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks #and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically #falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her #and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways #literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are #and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk #but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward #it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible #i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn #sorry for this.#film girl saga

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calumsash · 2 years

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Caught up in heaven but your heaven ain't the same

But I've never been a saint, have I?

#alright last one here we have fallen angels cashton TAKE 2!!!#if anyone remembers my old mb with this fic concept this one's for u #this is just like. another take on that. i just wanted to make something for it again. maybe a little darker.#trying to decide if this is just before calum gets banished from heaven or if this is after they both reconnect on earth #both options are good but maybe I'll go with the first one. a little backstory i guess #the way calum keeps crumbling and just can't keep doing this anymore. he can't keep quiet as people are suffering down there #and ashton understand. he does. but he's so scared of what they will do to them. he can't loose him.#guess what tho? he does. no matter how much he tried to talk calum out of it he just couldn't stop him. do he lost him just like that.#isn't that depressing? im sad now #god I'll never write this fic but i sure want it #5sos #cashton #5sos moodboard #aesthetic moodboard #halloweensos

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sieglinde-freud · 1 year

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im promoting my little guys in awakening now and you know i fully understand intsys’s descision to canonize hero!inigo in fates bc yeah, dancer guy should get to do his twirly spins and flips mid fight!! makes sense. fight like his mom or whatever. HOWEVER. i like giving him a horsie :) look at him. look at his face. THAT is the face of a man who needs a little buddy mid fight :) also hero!severa bc women with axes are hot that is all

#unfortunately i need inigo to get sol so hes gonna suffer without his animal friend for a bit #but im js. bow knight!inigo supremacy #he just. he just gives way more horsegirl energy than severa does im sorry #and like yeah they could both be bow knights but i like keeping variety in army. and like i said axe girls are hot #wish he couldve inherited pegasus knight from his mom tho… now THATD be peak inigo gameplay #rip to that one lost scene of inigo flying in on a pegasus… whoever at intsys lost that we have beef #one time i ran him as a falcon knight in fates and i think i discovered what world peace felt like #ann plays awakening

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edge-oftheworld · 2 months

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starting to have a way of processing my reaction for when i see what i call 'shallow hearts for shallow minds' takes on here like. do you not know how when you don't feel something at the time it catches up with you later? do we not understand the cumulative nature of nervous system stress and how. sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. sometimes getting better isn't about being happy, it's about feeling things as they come rather than trying to force yourself to be happy. making choices that will lead to the most happiness, even if they're painful at the time. i won't know exactly where an artist is at, neither do you, but I can trust that they're making the kind of decisions that are a step forward in self care in times where I see something that looks familiar and i'm like. i think i've been there. i know it doesn't make so much sense to everyone, but, that's what the fandom's for right?

#this could be about any band member idk #but with both luke and ashton's release cycles meaning there's a time where they're kinda. bleeding everywhere while singing #and i know some people are concerned and being like 'they looked happier when ...' please consider. maybe this is healthy #like ideally they don't have to suffer! but sometimes it takes feeling safe to actually get it out and we gotta let them have that now #trust the process. trust them to make their own choices! trust that it gets a little better each time and don't cause any more harm #if your understanding of mental health is just. happy vs sad. please take some time to learn more it'll help you too #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #5sos #anyway. i don't blame anyone for not getting that. you'll figure out what you need to; so will i; maybe i'm wrong but? there's still so muc #to learn. so much learning to do. so much to discover! there is no need to be cynical but if you are. tidbits of hope sent your way

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bobzora · 3 months

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acheron so good she makes me want to complete gold and gears to unlock erudition blessings

#bobtalk #she fucks shit up SO hard with them it's crazy shit. she's actually crazy in SU. her ultimate is crazy #my world level (forget what they call it in hsr sorry) isn't maxed because i had a Massive hiatus after 1.0 LOL #so between that and well. my relics aren't great. i don't have any 5* sustains. i missed a lot of banners like in general.#my ability to clear higher content is kind of nottttt great <-couldn't pass stage 2 of pure fiction for the free lynx lmao #but at least in SU i can just get bonkers ass buffs #shoutout to the person on my friends list with the well built level 80 e2s1 acheron that i'm leaching off of for farming o7 #relics are so miserable for real. well what can you do #<-guy who used self modelling resin for a crit rate body for her acheron and it rolled all worthless substats lmao #btw i did start a hsr doodle dump u_u thank you for your support in this endeavor. will post it after accumulating more doodles.#rolling for e2 btw we'll see how that goes. won't be mad if i don't get her as long as i don't lose the 50/50 to someone ugly #future banner wishlist is fu xuan and silver wolf (missed her first rerun so. you know. lmfao.) (also missed tutorial lightcone we suffer)#don't know how committed i am to that though because i am kind of. not. a seele main. anymore. lol. for 2 team content maybe #i do really need better sustains. i am very squishy indeed. if i was playing smart i'd take advantage of luocha/aventurine. but uhhhh. lol #i don't pull for men <-hubris but its funny to commit. leaks forecast robin OP but also i already have both e1 bronya and sparkle.#unless the story goes crazy with her which at this point maybe it will who fuckin knows. i don't particularly care for firefly #well. we will see. for now. acheron OPification lol

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soldier-poet-king · 9 months

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Like yes tokenism is Bad and does not count as queer rep, having a character on some mainstream primetime tv show be 'the gay one' is not progressive, having contestants on reality tv be 'the gay one' is not progressive, but also maybe it can still do some basic good in some cases.

My mother, a 50 something white Catholic housewife, was saying yesterday at the dinner table how disappointed she was that her fave team got eliminated from this season of the amazing race canada, and she said - in front of my kid brother even! - that the team had been a pair of drag queens. (Yes she did fall into the sassy black queer person trope in explaining this, but y'know, we're taking baby steps with her). And this isn't even the first time she's said smthn mildly positive about queer ppl! The gay intern from the later seasons of grey's anatomy? One of her favourites. Hallmark is even putting out terrible bland movies with generic white gay people instead of generic white straight people, and since she's seen every hallmark movie to ever exist, she's seen those ones too.

So. Idk where I was going with this. She still wouldn't say this stuff at the dinner table if my father were there at the time. But, I'm just. Hopeful? Yes it's (imo) terrible tv for middle aged moms, and often it's mediocre tokenism, but maybe that's a starting point and maybe it can still be a good thing. (It's not like someone like my mother is going to go start watching indie arthouse films or reading weird uncomfortable novels. If this gets her to reach out of her very insular bubble, I'm happy).

#franposting #idk just been. thinking.#its also just weird. for me personally.#to have my mother who caused me so much trauma as a child and teen #who still frustrates me and causes so much discord in our house bc of my father #to have the person who damaged me so deeply thru her own hurt and trauma and unwellness #to have her be the most normal and kind hearted of my adult relatives?#its disconcerting. and tbh it hurts a bit #i feel like eleanor from the good place. where was this mother when i was a child. when I needed her?#on the other hand. i got along well with my father as a teen #and now im like. ready to kill.#like sure we still get along ish #but hes becoming more reactionary and im becoming less tolerant of his unkind thoughts #not even just politically. somtimes he just says stuff and its like. HELLO??#i know hes suffering too tho. idk. they both are #i just get the impression that my mother has worked on herself a lot more since i was a teen than he has #perhaps thats unfair of me. idk anyones true soul or heart #thats just my impression.#but yeah tldr i almost wept thinking about it #it is not even like. the bare minimum. but im out here starved for crumbs. so if my mother likes the drag queens on tv then good for her #anyway my family life continues to get weirder and somehow more and less painful at the same time #i desperately want to move out but also. i am saving SOOOO much money #i could in theory pay off my student loans entirely in only 1 more year #everything is complicated and it hurts #but maybe i have a little..hope. too.#not that i am ever leaving my glass closet but yknow. still. general compassion #my father on the other hand. more conservative. more trad. more anti union. work bffs with an opus dei military man #just. less kind in his speech in general. judging coworkers and acquaintances (not EVen on moral religiois stuff. just IN GENERAL)#also like. the casual low grade misogyny and racism.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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#me @ my youngest sister at 6.30 this morning: yooooooo can u draw me a fishy so i can get it tattooed on me?#i drew her some flowers so i want a paralell tattoo with her initials bc she has my initials on her #but i literally have not spoken to her since like may bc i do not talk to my sisters unless we r in the same room. no hate we just dont hav #a lot in common. it makes me a lil sad tho bc im curious abt them. my youngest sister is at least nice to me 😭#ive been thinking abt asking her for ages and last night i was asked abt my sisters so i was like. the time is now #while im still a bit elevated #which has been to my advantage bc i was able to stay v chatty and energetic while talking to ppl. and i think i made some friends #we bonded over fic reading. so theyre a bit. ya kno. girls gays and theys of science #we make the world go round. but its so interesting to hear them talk abt coming to school here bc they both liked where they were and r #leaving their support systems. and im like bruh if i didn't leave the southwest i was gonna die. im so happy to b here #support system? whats that. i talk to my parents once a month and that's it lol. but im gonna try to establish one here #and try to actually make actual friends. this school is way better abt making grad students interact #my last school was not at all like that. but anyway i had fun #and i mean im only at the start of the semester. and im in a good mood. and i kno things will get stressful #but im just really happy i got accepted here #and the longer im here the more clearly i can see how much i was suffering #the funny thing is tho that i wrote this last night and only hours later i was squirming in frustration bc the fact that im back in therapy #means i feel a greater obligation to not b actively self destructive. evil coping mechanisms my beloved #this is y my mum wanted me back in therapy bc im a goodie 2 shoes and when my counselor is like: did u do X the next time i see her. ill b #honest and itll b annoying >:-[ ugh #its just hard for me to b around ppl a lot bc i get stuck in mental loops bc ocd. which is exhausting. and i want it to stop #and i want to do bad things to make it stop but i wont bc im trying to b better #its just funny to me that ill go from everythings awful to everythings great i shoukd talk to my sisters and make friends and do this and #this and this. to oh god i cant do this anymore in such short time frames with certainty that how im feeling is how ive always felt #ive also noticed that my peaks of high energy do come before stressful events. which does make me worry for future stressful events. like #defending. i mean ive never gone fully off the tracks but its a lil alarming when it feels like the train is going at a million miles an hr #unrelated #meanwhile my other sister is apparently in Colorado but when i saw the pics is was like: YOU BITCH #R U CLOSE TO ME RN??? but no. Colorado is far away

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abstract-moth · 9 months

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for once I would like to be struggling academically bc my brain actually struggles to comprehend the material and not bc I have some dumb*ss sh*t going on in my personal life