#have to address some long standing medical issues

[abstract-moth]

for once I would like to be struggling academically bc my brain actually struggles to comprehend the material and not bc I have some dumb*ss sh*t going on in my personal life

[waywardstation]

One last store update! After this I will begin sending emails to a subscriber list.

You can input your email of choice for my shop newsletter into this google form here.

A quick summary of some things:

I was unable to finish orders by printing their shipping labels by today, despite what I said last week, because of health issues that had to be addressed instead.

More of my product order was messed up, had enough items to fulfill every order but I’ve been left with ZERO extra stock on a couple items to put into my shop after.

I got enough interest in the Halloween keychains and stickers so I will be making them.

Full explanations below ^^

I have now packed every single order and reviewed all of their contents. However I was unable to send them out today as at some point last week I became very unwell. I’ve been going downhill for a while but it has never gotten to this degree this fast before. I still don’t really know what caused it and so I had been unable to pack over the weekend and couldn’t get all the shipping labels printed for them today.

I will be printing these labels out and taking chunks of the orders to the post office over the next few days.

But the more I’d packed the more I’d realized more of my product order had been messed up. I had ordered extras of everything and yet some of the products that I ordered just BARELY fulfilled every order — I had to use some of the initial samples to fulfill every order but rest assured they are the exact same as the products in size and quality. I have exactly ZERO of some products left over for shop stock when I’d ordered 10-15 extra of every item (as well as TOO MANY of some less popular products that didn’t need all these extras) which sadly means a few items will not be in stock when I open the store back up. I may put discounts on the unwanted extras I received because of this.

While I would expect by default to receive the products in the quantity that I ordered, I also understand that I ordered hundreds of products all in one order, and that is only one order that is being fulfilled out of the many other orders they get daily. I myself did not count out every single product to check because of the sheer amount of everything that was ordered — I had ordered over 500 keychains alone to fulfill the preorders and the entire order has taken up a full room when all spread out. But I still did not count beforehand and would only find out once I’d run out of a certain product, so I accept this is partly my responsibility too. This should not happen again as I never expect to make an order this big again, I had only done this for shop startup, and I will be making another order to restock these products. But it’s still sad it happened.

I apologize for this and I appreciate all of your patience once again. I am explaining all of this as I believe you are owed information about what is going on seeing as you’ve put money into this, and I myself said they would all be sent out by Monday. I just want to be transparent ^^

And one last thing — many of you wanted Halloween merchandise, so I will be moving forward with that! (I’ve decided they will not be glow in the dark though, as I’d have to make every vibrant color instead transparent for the glow to come through, and I believe the designs would suffer too much without these colors)

I have ordered from this manufacturer multiple times before over the years and they’ve always gotten it right with more reasonably-sized orders, so I am confident these will not have the same problems as this preorders period has.

Thank you again very much for your support and understanding up to this point!! <3

[rebelspykatie]

Steve comes from a long line of only children. He’s the last one standing after his mother dies, left alone on a barren family tree. This deep longing for an extended family made a home in Steve’s soul at a young age. For so long, it was only Steve and his mother. She raised him as best she could, but Steve never wanted that lonely existence. 

Finding someone that would want that life with him didn’t pan out the way he thought it would. Dating in Hawkins was limited and if he wanted to be truthful with people, also dangerous. Robin was the best dating app mishap turned best friend Steve could’ve hoped for, and she encouraged him to look into solo parenting, promising to be his platonic coparent every step of the way. 

Before his transition, he started a grueling IVF journey. Wanted to quit more times than he wanted to carry on. It didn’t take the first time, and Robin was there to hold him when he wasn’t sure he could handle another round of it. They didn’t know how lucky they’d get the second time. 

Dustin was born just after Thanksgiving that year, and he turned into a precocious toddler faster than Steve could blink. He had this mass of hair that Steve was in awe of, the height definitely coming from him but the curls were a mystery gift from their donor. Steve loved his chubby cheeks and toothless smile more than anything on earth. 

Everything about Dustin brightened up Steve’s world, even when his screams kept Steve and Robin awake all night, or he spit up on Steve’s shirt right before work and he had to change into a questionably dirty shirt because he hadn’t had time for laundry. Steve loved it all. He especially loved how smart his kid was, shooting straight to the top of his class, reading above grade level, doing math equations faster than Steve could comprehend. Robin joked that the donor must have some strong nerd genes to come from Steve and be that much of a math genius. 

He doesn’t actually know much about the donor, other than the recording he has from the interview and a brief profile of his family’s medical history. It might be silly, but Steve ended up picking this donor because of his laugh. It was melodic, ringing in the air long after he finished laughing, and something about it pulled at Steve’s heart in a way the others didn’t. 

Steve doesn’t hide much from Dustin, there’s no point really when your kid’s a genius, but he doesn’t give Dustin the file until he turns 11, doesn’t even hint at it. While Dustin is a curious kid, he’s also got a knack for knowing when to press an issue or not. He had a lot of questions about the process, but always shied away from asking more about how Steve chose or who his donor was. When they finally talked about it as Steve handed over the file to Dustin on his eleventh birthday, Dustin said he always knew Steve chose to have him and that was all that mattered. 

But once he gets his hands on that file, the curiosity voyage sets sail and Dustin’s chasing leads on who this man is like he’s in an episode of scooby doo. The agency will only give them the contact information they had on file 12 years ago. It’s a long shot, expecting someone’s number to be the same, but it’s all they have. A single phone number. 

When a gruff voice answers the phone and Steve explains the situation, the man on the other line agrees to meet them. The address he gives is for the Munson ranch about an hour outside of town. He knows about the ranch in the same way everyone in a small town knows of each other. He’s never been there, but the owner brings a lot of money into the town and mostly keeps to himself. His nephew was a few years ahead of Steve in school, but they never crossed paths. 

It turns out there’s only one Munson left in Hawkins, and Steve’s pretty sure the bald man that’s twice Steve’s age and looks down his nose at Steve and Dustin, isn’t the donor. Recognition sparks in his eyes, though, when Dustin starts talking, some of that defensiveness melting off his face. It’s softening into the same fondness Steve has when looking at Dustin, that inescapable way he pulls you into his orbit and snatches your heart right up. He lets Dustin take the reins, watching Wayne fall under Dustin’s spell.

His first words after Dustin’s long rambling opener about their predicament are, “Your hair looks just like his at that age.” 

Hope blooms in Steve’s chest. He’d been afraid that they wouldn’t find anything, or what they found might disappoint Dustin. But there’s someone out there that’s half of Dustin. Someone that might have given him all these little quirks that Steve’s so fond of. Someone that might want to be a part of his life, even if Steve isn’t sure he’s ready for that. 

Wayne explains that his nephew is out of town with his band, touring somewhere until the end of the month when they come home for the holidays. That’s only two weeks away and it doesn’t give Steve long to prepare for meeting someone that helped bring the best thing into his life, but it’s enough time for Wayne to welcome them into his home with an open heart.

It’s just long enough for Steve to find out that Eddie grew up on the ranch with Wayne and his father, who abandoned them when Eddie was about Dustin’s age. To find out that Eddie always loved music more than the horses and took off the first chance he got once he had the funds. To see pictures along a mantle of another precocious kid with a wild mane of hair that looks about as unstoppable as Dustin. 

Robin comes with them the night they’re going to meet Eddie. It’s a few days after he’s returned from tour. Wayne wanted enough time to prepare him before getting Dustin’s hopes all the way up. When they got the okay, Steve wasn’t sure he could do it alone, so Robin is glued to his side when they pull up at the ranch and come face to face with Edde Munson. 

But Steve relaxes when he sees the same wide grin on Eddie’s face that he sees on Dustin’s every day. And he doesn’t know it yet, but maybe he’s finally filled out that family tree and found the home he never knew he needed, with branches for Robin, Dustin, and maybe two Munsons.

[thedreadvampy]

I think there's a huge gap in language when talking about British legislative and social racism bc some of the most overt and unchallenged legislative racism lately is against GRT people and a lot of countries (especially America) do not use the term GRT.

The G in GRT stands for Gypsy (using this bc it's as-self-described, like it's the term the British GRT community uses often) and bc this is for a lot of people exclusively a slur and bc it has a lot of historical weight, people will often object to use of the expanded acronym slash try to correct it to Roma or Rroma.

But the GRT community as a political class and as a group subject to racism includes, but is not synonymous with, Roma, cause it also includes Irish Travelers (who are another large nomadic minority ethnic group, aka Pavee), Scottish, English and Welsh Travelers (a mix of indigenous nomadic groups), and other nomadic peoples in Britain.

In some, but not all, contexts, GRT also includes non-ethnic nomadic communities: New Age Travelers (people living nomadic lifestyles by choice - full-time caravanners or van lifers), Bargees (people living full time in canal boats) and showmen (traveling funfairs and circuses). Not being a specific ethnicity, New Agers and Showmen have a different relationship to racism and marginalisation than Roma and Travelers (a settled Roma or Traveler family are still Roma or Traveler, it's not just a question of lifestyle and community) but obviously anti-Traveler legislation and bias harms everyone living nomadically.

I think (and I'm not GRT and my thoughts should be taken with a truckload of salt, I just feel like it's worth explaining what the terminology actually means) that a lot of the nuance around GRT identity is kind of lost in transnational discourse (particularly with Americans) because. the G bit of GRT has been used as a blanket term for hundreds of years to refer to multiple groups of nomadic peoples in Europe and so there are ethnocultural groups included under that term who aren't Roma but also are GRT and are racialised as GRT.

People racialised within the GRT community (as Roma or Travelers) experience way higher rates of social and economic exclusion than any other ethnogroups in the UK, including if they're settled (living in brick-and-mortar housing, which around 75% of people recorded as GRT do).

Both Roma and Traveler kids are systemically excluded from education (Gypsy/Roma kids are 6x more likely to be suspended from school and 7x as likely to be expelled than the national average, and Traveler kids aren't much better off (4x more likely than average to be suspended and 5x as likely to be expelled)). GRT people face systemic employment discrimination, being 6x more likely than average to be long term unemployed and 1/4 as likely to be offered high-level or management positions. GRT folk have the worst health outcomes of any ethnic group, and consistently report high levels of medical discrimination and trouble accessing healthcare. As a result, GRT infant mortality and maternal death is way higher than average, and GRT life expectancy is 10+ years shorter than average. GRT communities are disproportionately criminalised, settled GRT families have spoken often about having been treated as inherently suspicious on the basis of their ethnicity.

A lot of people write these issues off as being, like, a product of a nomadic/no-fixed-address lifestyle, but a) it's a problem with the system if our social care systems don't account for the fact that some people are nomadic, itinerant or have no fixed address. there is no reason why nomadic life needs to be more dangerous or excluded than settled. but also b) as stated a majority of GRT people included in these figures do have fixed addresses. it is just racism.

Homelessness is also a huge problem in the community, with many landowners refusing to rent land to Travellers, residential camping berths being oversubscribed by something like 10,000%, and significant difficulty accessing affordable housing. The land which is available to Traveling communities is increasingly ringfenced, often specifically with the intention of discouraging nomadic communities.

given that it is. racism. with an exceptionally long and brutal history of genocide, criminalisation and systemic social exclusion. it is also striking how often open, sometimes genocidal, racism against GRT people is handwaved or accepted as normal. anti-GRT legislation is explicitly passed on the regular. people are incredibly comfortable referring to all GRT people as thieves, scroungers, criminals and frauds. I have had literal circular mailings offering to "remove vermin, pests and Gypsies from your land." and yet calling this racism is often treated as an overstatement. Even though it's explicitly ethnically-driven bias, and has deeply entrenched social impacts affecting everyone racialised as GRT regardless of cultural behaviour or lifestyle.

anyway that's what GRT means, it stands for Gypsy/Roma/Traveller and it's an extremely underserved and marginalised racialised group in the UK and Europe. It includes Romani ethnic groups, but also includes non-Roma ethnic groups (like the Pavee) and Roma subgroups (like Sinti). They're united by a common experience of anti-nomadic racism, criminalisation and social exclusion and, as an aggregate group, are consistently among the most directly disadvantaged racial groups in the UK.

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #50 — The Midlife Crisis Cruise Comes to an End

Our issue begins on Earth— not Swearth, but honest-to-god Earth— where Optimus Prime and Jetfire are watching a broadcast. It’s not syndicated television like I Love Lucy or The Transformers (1984), however. No, this broadcast is coming from some of our favorite Lost Lighters, detailing their last will and testament.

Nautica wants to be buried on her home planet, and doesn’t give a hot gay fuck what they engrave on her sparkcase. Also she’s missing a good chunk of her face, but don’t worry about that too much.

Chromedome’s just happy that he’s dying WITH his husband this go around. I’m sure Brainstorm’s also thrilled to not have the “please please please stop stabbing yourself in the brain to avoid the pain of being a widower Jesus Christ we can’t keep doing this”.

Rewind takes the opportunity to poke Chromedome in the inferiority complex one last time, making his message out to Dominus Ambus. Our resident lovebirds want to “enter the after spark simultaneously”, though that seems more like something to address with whoever’s killing them.

Over on Cybertron, in Metroplex’s titties, it would seem this broadcast is VERY wideband, as Starscream and Scoop (we’ll go over whatever the fuck’s going on there in another post) witness Nightbeat’s will and testament, though considering Nightbeat’s technically undead, I’m not sure how much legal weight it holds. Having done the whole “dying” thing before, I’m sure he’s spent many a long, sleepless night thinking about how it would happen next time. Ikea Johnson wants a “Neoprimalist” funeral, where they preserve only the head. Interesting that Nightbeat's religious sect is the same as Flywheels, the Scavenger who only existed to be a stand-in for the word "fuck".

Over on Luna 1, Red Alert is convinced that Megatron is using his gun mode to threaten Nightbeat. Fort Max isn’t so sure.

Minimus shows off the most recent trick he’s learned, saying the word “fun” with only stuttering twice. He wants to be buried on the moon, next to all of Rodimus’s failed pregnancies, and wearing the skin of a man who’s been dead for thousands of years.

Whirl doesn’t want a funeral, though you’d think he’d at least want his corpse thrown in the general direction of the Wreckers’ base, where every member gets a slot in the Zone of Remembrance as part of the onboarding. I know he got kicked out, but being shot out of a rail gun at Debris sounds roughly his speed.

Rung only requests that, should he die in his vape pen form, that he be dismantled. He’s so committed to preventing underage smoking, and for that I commend him.

Rung’s request greatly disturbs the Scavengers, who seem to have forgone fixing the Krok-shaped hole in the wall and buying a couch more than two of them can sit on at a time, in order to afford a replacement TV, after Krok fastball-specialed a golden disc through the last one.

On another part of Cybertron, Windblade and Wheeljack watch Velocity state that she doesn’t regret a single thing that’s happened while she’s been a part of the Lost Light. To recap, in the few months Velocity’s been aboard: Thunderclash almost died of being too perfect, Velocity’s first boss ran off to go bang a billionaire with a sword collection, Swerve almost died from too much television, her second boss ran off to get roped into the Polycule Wars, Tailgate exploded, Rung was revealed to be practicing without a license by way of a weird gibbon with a ball gag and his serial killer boyfriend, and she became the only practicing medical professional aboard a ship of over 200, after failing to pass her medical exams ten times. Oh, and she wants to be recycled.

Optimus wants to go save them, thinking that there’s still time. However, the Lost Light isn’t responding, and it doesn’t actually matter anyhow— these recording were sent out weeks ago.

Looks like that’s a series wrap on Nautica, Chromedome, Rewind, Nightbeat, Minimus, Whirl, Rung, and Velocity! Let’s give ‘em a hand, folks!

Three weeks prior, on the planet of Miliarium, action is happening:

Being on your headset in the middle of a battle seems rather rude, but I suppose sacrifices to politeness have to be made, when one of your co-captains is effectively forbidden from stepping foot on any planet that’s aware of Cybertron’s existence, given that he, y’know, is the face of a cause that slaughtered billions over the course of millions of years.

(No, don’t ask Optimus how relations with Earth are going.)

Megatron, continuing to command from orbit, tells Whirl to go help Cyclonus and Crossblades with the Rust Giants’ longship, asking for no casualties. Which is sort of like asking a horse on cocaine to not freak out and kick someone in the head, if that horse also had guns tied to 30% of its body.

Rodimus asks Megatron if he’s enjoying himself, playing a pacifist run of a wartime strategy game with their lives, and Megatron says that he’s “rumbled”; which I’m not sure if I’m search-engining wrong, but I don’t know that even the British are saying that to mean they’re right chuffed or tallywackered about a situation, or whatever. Rodimus is suddenly faced with a Rust Giant that he doesn’t even come up to the knee of, but luckily we have a new superhero to save the day, by way of incredible violence.

Looks like we’re still workshopping the battle-cries.

Tailgate punched this guy so hard it cause a jump-cut to the post-battle celebration, where Rodimus shows off his multi-typefacial abilities, Megatron perpetrates his bigotry towards organics, the Cybertronians make galactic news for a not-awful reason for once, and Swerve is also here! For some reason! It looks like it’s gonna be all peaches and cream from here on, so long as we ignore the first three pages of this issue!

Hey, Cyclonus, you have to wait for him to call you, you're not an Autobot. Just because the little white guy you're Sufjan Stevens-level attached to is going, doesn't mean— Cyclonus, hey. Hey, Cyclonus. Cyclonus. Cycl—

Later, back on the Lost Light, class is in session. We finally get a look at those course Megatron’s been teaching, only briefly mentioned by Riptide in issue #29. The current course track is on the Knights of Cybertron, Megatron having assigned those in attendance to write essays tackling “pre-Functionist folklore and contested heritage”.

Today’s class consists of:

Minimus (old as balls, former high society)

Skids (the best at everything)

Brainstorm (literal genius)

Perceptor (slightly-less-literal genius)

Nautica (jack-of-all-trades brainiac and bibliophile)

Crosscut (former senator, current playwright, therefore probably has at least some sort of degree)

Nightbeat (nosy as fuck, loves to figure shit out)

Hound (former Primal Vanguard)

Thunderclash (perfect student, researcher, friend, confidante, and maybe even lover)

Grapple (not much to say here, other than he’s fucking jacked in IDW)

Xaaron (chief legal advisor for the Autobots)

And Riptide (created during the war and therefore has the least connection to Cybertron's folklore, canonically not a good test-taker)

Poor Riptide's grades don’t stand a snowball's chance in hell against his peers', but good on him for sticking with the classes regardless.

This essay was assigned to help students establish context for the Knights within a world where they have not existed for millions of years, having disappeared since they embarked on their quest to Cyberutopia; a world where information creep, the slow degradation of memory as time passes, has made them into mythological figures. Megatron posits that the only thing we really know about the Knights is that they failed to do what they set out to do, as the universe is not a peaceful place, himself arguably being exhibit A of that failure. Still, he intends to use this course to help the Lost Light’s crew understand the Knights to the best of their current, modernity-biased ability, prior to potentially meeting them. Considering that the Knights will be deciding Megatron’s fate, perhaps this is also for him to grapple with understanding his own end.

Anyway, let’s look at a plot device.

The last time we saw this symbol was during issue #46, both drawn by Grimlock on his walls, paired with the words “prepare confront repel”, and then on some mysterious fellows who were working with Krok’s nasty little friend Demus and someone called "The Grand Architect". However, the first time we saw it was with Skids in #21, after he went through Tyrest’s space bridge and talked to a giant technicolor ball of light.

Seeing this image kickstarts Skids’s memory, enough so that he interrupts class over it. Nautica has also seen this symbol, at an exhibit on Troja Major (a planet that Roberts will use as a dumping ground for many plot points in the sequel series to MTMTE) where it was claimed to be some sort of coat of arms. Thunderclash also knows this symbol, having seen it with his beautiful mind and kind heart in his visions, the same visions that were leading him to the Knights and allowing him to create a map to Cyberutopia. Nautica asks Skids to write out the symbol that he “heard” phonetically into her space phone, in a move that will prove HIGHLY useful later on. Perceptor adds in his two cents, showing off that he’s wearing the “feminine” nose-type today, stating that he had talked to one of the Circle of Light members back in Season 1, who had theorized that the Knights of Cybertron was either originally made up of OR broke down into clans, and that the symbol/map Rodimus and Thunderclash were drawing is merely connected to part of the Knights, and that there could be others floating around.

Nightbeat thinks that all this brainstorming (which hasn’t involved Brainstorm, oddly enough) is super cool and great, showing off his anime thumb in approval. When Minimus tries to give Megatron props for bringing everyone together to figure this out, he finds that Megatron is having some troubles, hunched over his podium as far as his fucked up old man toy articulation will allow. When Minimus approaches to see what’s wrong, he gets punched clear across the room for his troubles. Then this happens:

Look, I don’t care if 99.9% of the Cybertronian population can reclaim, you shouldn’t just limp your wrist at your first officer in the middle of class.

No, what Megatron is actually doing is pointing the fusion cannon he doesn’t have anymore, but had attached to his arm for roughly 4 million years, directly at Minimus’s tiny little skull. Quickly coming back to himself, Megatron is both horrified and mortified by what he’s done, offering nothing more but a quick apology before he dismisses the class and bolts, not even helping Minimus off of the floor.

The following day, Velocity’s paying a visit to Megatron’s room, which is STILL as barren as the most dire of single male living spaces. Velocity’s here because Megatron missed his appointment yesterday, after whatever happened in the classroom. Megatron reminds her that the weekly appointment is for him receiving his ration of “fool’s energon” which is meant to keep him in a weakened state, which arguably shouldn’t make it medicine in the traditional sense. Velocity reminds him that he nearly knocked Minimus Ambus’s (yeah, she uses his full name, guess she’s not been around long enough to get “just Minimus” privileges) block off, and that if Megatron had been at full strength, we might be dealing with a murder situation instead.

Though Minimus IS a load bearer, who regularly slings around a body three times his size, on top of weapons, so maybe not. Also, there’s an even smaller guy inside the first mustached guy, so honestly it’d probably be fine.

Does Velocity even know about the irreducible Minimus? Is that in his medical history? Does she even know that Ultra Magnus and Minimus Ambus are the same person? Because Megatron didn’t even know until they found that corpse on the quantum duplicate Lost Light, and Magnus was his lawyer for the trial as well as being his SIC. Really, what are the legal ramifications of Minimus having assumed the identity of a dead man, now that Tyrest isn’t there to keep up the charade and the secret is a bit more open? Does Minimus have legal claim to Magnus’s identity, or at least ownership of the armor? Can Minimus lay claim to any property he purchased as Magnus, or that the previous Magnuses had purchased prior to their deaths? Was Minimus legally declared dead prior to undertaking the role of Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord, if only to make things easier in terms of paperwork? Can Minimus sign off on things, and if so, does he use his own signature, or Magnus’s? If he signed something as Magnus, would any contract bearing it be rendered temporarily void whenever he’s not wearing his work pants? How much of Minimus’s existence makes him cry late into the night with how legally dubious it is? Does Delta Magnus know about Ultra Magnus being a skin suit? I feel like we don’t focus on how fucked up this whole situation is nearly enough.

Anyway, Velocity asks after Megatron’s medicine, probably because First Aid’s medical note-taking skills often get usurped by his need to write SpringerxReader fanfiction. She mentions that what they’ve been feeding Megatron over the last year have some side effects, which Megatron seems surprised by. Considering he’s felt sickly and crampy this whole time, the side effects are likely meant to be the intent of the medication.

Velocity then takes a gander at the dents Megatron put into his head when he had his little freakout, stating that “chemo-sedatives” can change one’s whole personality in extreme cases, as well as increased stress levels, as Megatron admits that the reason he crushed his head with his hands is that he heard voices screaming. However, Megatron doesn’t think stress caused such a thing.

To recap how the last year has gone for Megatron: he was forced to renounce the cause he had led for the last 4 million years, became co-captain of a fucking Carnival cruise ship, had 95% of his crew disappear from reality, found a bunch of corpses, got slapped in the face by Soundwave’s dad, had to lie to Rewind’s face to make him okay with killing himself so that everyone else might live, got shot as an infant, gaining anywhere from three-to-five fathers as a result, visited the most passive-aggressive garden in the galaxy, got stabbed in the chest and brained with a flat-screen television and then had to apologize for it, and was non-consensually hugged by a swarm of flesh-eating insects parading around in his SIC’s skin suit.

Velocity gets a call on her smart watch, Swerve on the other end demanding her presence at the medibay, seeing as she’s the only doctor on the ship now, and there are multiple people having a crisis.

Smash cut to Swerve, Cyclonus, Tailgate, Chromedome, Rewind, Rung, and Megatron standing on the bridge, their colors looking super fucked up and light bloomed out, because this is a 40-page issue with a shit-ton of detail and characters, so we’ve got three colorists, two artists, and an extra inker on for this one. They’re meeting with Rodimus, whose fingers have shrunk down to the size of shoestring potato fries, because Swerve, Tailgate, Rewind, Rung, and Megatron heard some sort of awful noise in their brains at the exact same time. Chromedome is here to support his husband, because he loves him so, so much, kissy-noise kissy-noise. Cyclonus is here mainly to clarify that he’s a badass who no one has ever heard cry, because emotional vulnerability and expressing pain are for pussies, unless you’re doing it by way of self-harming directly onto your face meat.

Only Tailgate and Rewind actually admit to what they heard, Tailgate hearing Cyclonus berate him for falling for Getaway’s tricks and Rewind hearing Dominus berate him for not doing enough to find him. I’d imagine both Rung and Swerve were hearing things relating to their professionalism, given that Rung fucking sucks at his job, and Swerve’s gonna fry the moment Ten gets a union sorted out. Megatron, is well, Megatron, so there’s a litany of awful things that he could have heard.

Rodimus has Blaster reveal that the ship received a signal at the exact same time that these people had their little brain event. Brainstorm hypothesizes that what happened was some sort of psychological assault, perhaps of Galactic Council origin, as a means of testing a new brain weapon. Magnus, who has been up on an upper level with a clipboard up to this point, notes that they could trace the signal. Mainframe informs him that they have, but the origin doesn’t seem to correspond to any known location in the navigation, and they’d have to physically go there to see what’s up. Which isn’t sketchy in the slightest.

Rodimus wants to load up on his big, beautiful Rodpod with everyone, so they can find who did this and make them stop. When Magnus questions if this is a wise course of action, Rodimus uses American grammar to trip up Magnus’s British-based spellcheck, so he gets to do whatever he wants. This is a trick he’s picked up since Drift left, as the old game of “pitting my people-pleaser hippy dippy boytoy and my no-nonsense stick-up-the-ass sentient rulebook against one another, so whatever I wanted to do from the start can seem like a pleasantly centralized option” doesn’t work very well when you replace the boytoy with a grumpy old man who tried to murder everything with a heartbeat.

Velocity wants to join the trip alongside Team Rodimus, but Mainframe has his reservations. I don’t blame him, considering she is, again, the only medical doctor currently on board this ship. He suggests she take along some personal protection, just in case.

…I mean, he’ll definitely make sure any bad guys who come her way will die horribly, if nothing else. Also, apparently the Rodpod's artificial gravity goes all the way around.

Nautica’s spent the last few weeks tricking out the Rodpod with a fancy schmancy new teleport drive, because Rodimus was annoying her to the point where if she didn’t give him what he was moaning about she might have had to kill him. Megatron is hesitant to use the drive, but after being informed that there are safety perimeters in place that’ll keep the ol’ Rodimus Podimus from teleporting inside a asteroid or whatever, he pulls the level and they end up in the dark.

No, not space dark, don’t be funny. That’s my job, and they don’t pay me for it, which should tell you how dire the situation is. This is a special sort of dark. The sort of dark that leads to panic and lethal levels of quipping. Rodimus cuts the lights on, but it does very little to offset the absolutely suffocating darkness outside. Rewind notes that there aren’t any stars, and Tailgate admits that he doesn’t know how space works. That’s alright Tailgate, neither do any of the people who draw or color this comic. You’re amongst (created by?) friends here.

The scanners reveal that there’s something 3000 miles in front of them. And behind them. And to the left, to the right, 12 o'clock, three o'clock, six o'clock, nine o'clock, rock around the clock tonight— that is to say, they’re surrounded by something the size of a planet. After disabling the safety protocols on the Rodimus Podimus, the gang find themselves on the surface of Necroworld, where the Necrobot Censere lives and operates his many plinths to the living and dead. Megatron isn’t exactly thrilled to be back here. Nightbeat on the other hand, is overdose on mystery, and he couldn’t be happier. Nobody’s sure what the fuck is going on. There’s no time to theorize, however, as half the gang just got blown sky high.

Everyone books it back to the Rodpod to escape the dozen attack craft coming after them, but there’s more trouble here— the teleport drive is dead. Which is weird, because they should have had enough juice to get to and from their little trip. When Rodimus tries to contact the Lost Light, there’s no response. They’re not responding. Megatron tells him that those are two different things, mirroring the same thing Optimus said about trying to contact the Lost Light after he and Jetfire viewed the will tapes. Everyone else is busy trying to figure out who the hell could be firing on them, all of them roughly coming to the same conclusion that Cybertronians as a whole aren’t terribly well liked, and the Lost Lighters have made a bit of a name (derogatory) for themselves, since they insulted the Galactic Council, caused the end of the 16-million year Stentarian war, and have ruined at least one bar with physical violence over home movies.

Rodimus tells Megatron to park the Rodpod at the Necrobot’s citadel, just in time for a missile to hit the ass-end of the shuttle, blowing off Magnus’s arm, shredding off roughly half of Nautica’s face, and giving Cyclonus an excuse to hold Tailgate in his arms. Everyone bolts to get inside, Nautica being carried by Skids so we can further solidify the straightest pairing in the series. Once they’re all inside, their attackers retreat, and we see where Censere’s gotten to in all this.

Let’s give him a hand, folks!

While Velocity looks over the body, Nightbeat deals with his personal Santa Claus being dead by way of trying to figure out what happened. Megatron, meanwhile, noticed that the craft that attacked them were of Decepticon design, and he tells Ravage to go check it out. Honestly, I doubt he was the only one to notice, given that all but three of the people on this trip were dealing with the Decepticons in some form or fashion all throughout the war, and could therefore identify the make of the crafts, if not the model, so I’m not sure what the deal is with this secrecy.

Brainstorm is brought over to Nightbeat to help solve this mystery, and he promptly identifies that some of Censere’s equipment is very similar to the stuff Tyrest used for the Aequitas trials, likely used to figure out what sparkflowers to plant where. Rewind, having popped on his sparkliest nipple pasties on, because he hates Censere and wants to get glitter all over his house, asks the boys to scootch on over so he can try to call the Lost Light. Nightbeat thinks that Censere tried to sabotage a signal someone else had sent in an attempt to lure Team Rodimus (and friends) to the planet, and that resulted in the brain attack that had happened earlier in the day. Unfortunately, Censere didn’t spend any time with Rodimus the last time the Lost Light visited, so he didn’t get a taste of the ridiculous way Rodimus likes to live his life, and why the psychic attack wouldn’t work.

Rewind gets the phone working, calling Rodimus over to get on the horn. Magnus stands in the background, showing off his grievous amputation. After a bit of fiddling with the settings on their end, the Lost Light makes official contact with Team Rodimus.

Getaway, last we saw him, was very much in prison, but Rodimus isn’t going to focus on that niggling little detail right now, as he asks for the Lost Light to swing by to pick up the team so they don’t all die. Getaway sort of DOES want to focus on that detail, however, as he very much didn’t appreciate being fetish fuel throughout the holiday season, and, despite his name, didn’t actually escape that setup. No, Getaway had help.

Man, guess Megatron should’ve reconsidered failing Riptide on his essay.

Speaking of Megatron, he walks up about now to see what all the hubbub’s about. Rodimus, looking like he’s about to cry, realizes that Mainframe lied to them about not being able to track the signal. Getaway gives him points for getting that right, but really, he wants to drive home the point that the entirety of the crew wanted Megatron’s little pals off the ship. And that’s what it’s really about, at the end of the day. Getaway hates that high command gave Megatron a party cruise to live out his last days on, last days that might not even happen, with the track record of this goddamned quest. He’s sick of Rodimus and pals acting like this whole arrangement isn’t an affront to every single life that’s been snuffed out because of Megatron’s actions.

Everyone other than Whirl seems pretty bummed out by these accusations. Swerve pipes up, enraged that he’s been doomed to die alongside everyone else— he doesn’t even LIKE Megatron. Getaway reveals that at some point or another, he and Atomizer (the interior designer turned bowman, you’ll recall) approached every single crew member and asked if they thought Megatron deserved to have a second chance and also, completely unrelated, but what would you do in the event of a coup? Anyone who didn’t provide a desirable answer got visited by the nudge gun fairy— that gun that can fire thought into your brain, or just erase memories if fired dry. The collection of headaches main cast have been experiencing over the last several issues? The side effect of being shot. Skids especially does not like this reveal.

Of course, Getaway isn’t just upset with Megatron’s leadership— he’s also mad as hell what’s supposed to be a trip to find their ancestors, who will guide them back onto the straight and narrow, has, in actuality, been Rodimus’s midlife crisis road trip. Getaway wasn’t even here for Rodimus and Drift’s ass-slapping contests and insulting galactic officials who want the Cybertronians dead, but he didn’t need to be. He took one look at the Rodpod and decided he needed to kill Rodimus right then and there.

Rodimus, at this point, remembers the list Atomizer had offered him back during the trial. Magnus, biting his lip at the idea of a list existing, asks what that’s all about, and Rodimus explains. Getaway really was hoping that Rodimus would take the bait, so he could’ve blackmailed Rodimus into stepping down and letting literally anyone else take over. Probably Magnus, at that point in the timeline, given that he hadn’t gotten buddy-buddy with Megatron yet at that point. Unless Getaway considers acting as someone’s lawyer under order of the space pope as being too close to an individual.

Getaway decides that this conversation has reached its natural conclusion, as he’s got questing to get done, and it should be moving at a pretty even clip now, since he’s excised all the distractions. Rodimus swears to come after him, but Getaway doubts it’ll happen, given what’s happening next.

While this debacle has been happening, Ravage has been busy searching a crash site, trying to uncover the identity of who the hell’s decided to attack them. Tarn commits a microagression at him, before firing his twin fusion cannons.

The call ends, Getaway cutting off the comm to all contact.

Ravage shows back up at this point, to give everyone the bad news.

Nightbeat, honey, the tragedy is in the opposite direction.

Now, that’s technically the finale of the main story, but there’s a little bonus comic attached to the end, acting as a sort of sideways epilogue to hint at what Getaway and his merry band of mutineers will be getting up to, since we aren’t seeing them again for a bit.

Our little backup strip begins right before the original launch of the Lost Light, where we see some guys we haven’t seen the 2012 Annual issue. Shock and Ore wander around what will one day become Swerve’s, Shock convinced that this ship is actually the ship they lost 5 million years prior, the Unitrex-1. Ore isn’t so sure, but as the readers, we saw the exact moment that Unitrex-1 disappeared in issue #38, after Rodimus forgot to wash his hands while putting the quantum engine together. Shock, wanting to prove that he’s right, fumbles around in the dark, looking for the graffiti he carved into the underside of a table. Ore gets a call on his space Blackberry while he’s doing this, and we finally get the other half of that call Prowl made in issue #1, after he failed to get Chromedome to stay on Cybertron. The Duobots have 20 minutes to get Overlord’s massive, lippy ass on the ship. Knowing that that isn’t a ton of time, the two quickly book it out of the bar, leaving the spectral form of Skids to look really bummed out.

Later, at Swerve’s grand (secret) opening, we see some more old faces.

Whoa now, Drift, you’re not supposed to be back until next issue!

Pipes thinks he’s been cursed to not have friends, since Hubcap is still at his dead-end job with the Wreckers, and Riptide was too busy being in a coma to come say goodbye. How rude!

Drift doesn’t seem to particularly want Pipes around more than necessary, pushing him to be friends with Rewind, who he describes as having kind eyes. Whether Drift is doing this to keep Pipes safe from overhearing any Overlord-related secrets, keeping his ass-slapping and sexually-tense sword training time with Rodimus safe, or just because he finds Pipes to be mildly annoying isn’t clear. Pipes, however, is looking for more than friendship— he’s looking to bone down.

Pipes’s ideal partner is wide as they are tall, with tits to match and at least one alt-mode that he can use as a yacht. Drift tells him he can introduce him to Tailgate, though something tells me Pipes isn’t really Tailgate’s type, given that he can actually say what he means and doesn’t have some fucked-up facial situation.

It’s really too bad that Pipes died, because I bet he would have loved Nautica, and he would have REALLY loved Nickel.

Later still, we see all of our doctors together— even Ambulon is there! In one piece, even! Ambulon wants to tell First Aid something, and First Aid automatically tries to make it a cosmetic thing, because of COURSE Ambulon would be insecure about his bad skin, and what he really needs is a better cleanser. What Ambulon actually wants to talk about, though, is his alt mode, and the fact that the puns involved with being part of a Combiner make him want to die. First Aid understands, but Swerve, known menace to society, might not be so compassionate, as he throws a grenade into the back of Ambulon’s head, triggering his transformation. Ambulon is mortified, and Swerve does the thing that Ambulon literally just said he hates. First Aid continues to rip flakes of paint off of Ambulon, as the specter of Velocity watches, looking pretty bummed about the fact that she never got to be part of banter like this.

Later on than that, Rewind and a wheelchair-bound Rung are in the currently-empty Swerve’s, as Rewind calls Chromedome to gather up one of the groups for those storytelling circles Rewind organized to try to fix Rung’s brain. He hangs up, then tells Rung that once his brain works again, they’re going to have a goddamned chat about Dominus Ambus, which is only mildly hampered in its threat by the fact that Rewind standing is barely the same height as Rung sitting down.

Rewind then gets to work writing out the story map for when the “Shadowplay” group gets there, as the specter of Chromedome reaches out longingly for the dead version of his husband. He laments that this Rewind died without closure, but the ghostly specter of Rung reminds him that there are rules to this, and they have to leave now. Not sure why Rung’s here to watch himself be threatened by Pipsqueak McGee. Is he actually doing his job for once, helping guide someone through their grief? I doubt it, since Chromedome isn’t a hottie bo-body like Skids, and his problems haven’t (directly, at least) caused the sort of trouble that make entire star systems hate you like Megatron.

Later, during the Overlord disaster, Perceptor sprints into Swerve’s, shouting for a medic, as the rest of the battered and beaten watch. Hoist, himself hooked up to the wall by some sort of cable, while wearing his extra-special Rodimus Star, offers to help, though he’s technically an engineer, and whatever he’s gonna do probably won’t have any consideration for the soul or ability to feel pain. Perceptor was using Tripodeca— sweet, beloved, friend to all, who was the star of the post-Overlord mass funeral Tripodeca— as a, uh, tripod for his rifle, when Overlord probably noticed that the ol’ science sniper looked sort of familiar and did a lil’ grabbing with his big nasty hands. Hoist asks if Perceptor is going to stop Overlord, and considering how things went the last time Overlord was the star of the show, I doubt Perceptor thought he was gonna get lucky twice in terms of survival, especially when Overlord is riGHT BEHIND HIM OH GOD LORDY JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH

How Perceptor survived this isn't clear, but we know he did, as he continued to show up in the story past issue #15 in a decidedly alive, non-paste form. His specter watches this scene unfold, expression unreadable.

Post-Luna 1, Swerve stands in his ruined bar dejectedly, when he realizes that quite a few people have shown up to help him clean up the mess, as long as he promises to reward their hard work with reopening once it’s done. As everyone works to get things back in order, Swerve tells them to keep an eye out for a non-trashed Legislator that he could use as a bouncer, once he fucks around with its head enough to make it do what he wants. Ten’s specter watches as his shitty boss and arguable father is gifted the body that would become him, making a note to get his union going with a bit more urgency.

Later, on the day of the “Fuck Off Megatron 2-for-1 Drink Deal”, Crosscut lead Riptide, Mirage, and Nautica on a tour of the ship. Mirage notes that Swerve’s is a bit of a dive, not suited to his refined tastes in the slightest. In a booth, Getaway and Atomizer have boxed Mainframe in on either side to have a little chat. Swerve and Bluestreak talk television, Bluestreak making a little jab at MTMTE’s second season not being quite as well-received by fans as the first. Over at the bar, Highbrow and Perceptor talk about Quark, while Brainstorm watches while having his briefcase, which he is NOT supposed to have in here.

Crosscut goes on about this bar being where all things happen and where bittersweet is the most often-felt emotion, then calls Trailcutter/blazer an alcoholic as he dances on the ceiling. The specters of just about everyone on the ship watch their fallen friend, enjoying the moment and missing him terribly, as Perceptor brings them back to the here and now of the story, which turns out to be just after the holiday special, judging by the Christmas lights.

Minimus asks if this is safe, and Perceptor says that it is, as nobody can actually interact with the past, because Brainstorm is the only one who’s ever actually perfected that tech, not that this isn’t his fault either. It turns out that when you try to fly against the stream of time as it naturally occurs, you tear a few thousand itty bitty holes on the way to perfecting the process. Perceptor’s found a way to let others view the past, at least for a little while. Minimus is fine with it, as long as everyone continues to behave, and it seems like they are, as everyone mingles in Swerve’s.

The two of them sit down, Megatron handing Minimus what I’m sure is a mocktail, and Perceptor explains that while the window into the past is closing for now, it may open back up in the future. When Rodimus asks when that might be, he then immediately decides that he doesn’t want to know, instead wanting to have a fun little surprise for later. They don’t get very many of those, fun surprises.

As everyone toasts to the dead and to future adventures, the specter of Getaway watches on, smug as hell.

That’s the end of “No Guns, No Swords, No Briefcases” but that is STILL not the end of the issue! It never ends, this thing! Because the number 50 is very big and impressive, obviously this is a double-sized spectacular, and has to cap off with a note from the man himself— James Roberts.

And then after that we get a new notes from fans, but this is already obscenely long and I think I can show you the crux of what they’re all saying right here: MTMTE (2012) is fucking good. It’s a good series. Make your goddamn family, friends, coworkers, librarians, and goldfish read it. Share it with people you’ve never met. Get a long-term personal project out of it. Get long-term friends out of it. Get a long-term romantic partner out of it. If I can do it, so can you!

[svynakee]

Zuo Le: a naïve newbie overly concerned with the rulebook

As someone who played Arknights Global since server launch and a day one Hellagur user, my first impressions of Zuo Le comes with a strange nostalgia for Arknights as it was 4 years ago, when his subclass was first added to the game. Zuo Le is undoubtedly the strongest Soloblade Guard (which I still call Musha in my heart) we have. He’s the Degenbrecher, Reed the Flame Shadow, Mountain of his subclass.

And in terms of power level, he’s mid.

Hellagur was the first 6 star Soloblade added to the game in April 2020 (Global server). As an old veteran of Ursus, a militaristic nation, who has grown disillusioned of his country’s patriotic attitudes the identity of a strong, self-sufficient DPS geared at dealing with elite enemies fit him well. He wanted to stand alone, dealing with dangerous foes before they reached the main defensive line of operators, refusing healing so medics could focus on other squad members. His kit provided dodging and an attack speed increase as his health dropped lower. He was made for desperate victories and impossible odds, relying on only his own skills and a bit of luck. An old soldier, no stranger to war. Block-1 would prevent him from getting overwhelmed with multiple strong enemies, while his high damage would carve through lesser foes easily; a mark of his experience and understanding of his own limits. Hellagur was elegant in his design and exciting to use, providing an alternative to boss killers like dreadnoughts (Melantha, Skadi) and burst-type (Silverash, Eyjafjalla).

But in a game where you can only bring 12+1 operators he demanded more attention and strategic thinking than easier options who performed the same tasks. Some players found this a bonus. But it was a detriment in terms of meta. The paradox of a laneholder who advertised self-sufficiency by self-healing, but relied on RNG dodge, a steady stream of enemies of a certain strength, leaked large groups of enemies due to Block-1 and needed proper skill activation for survival. And ranged enemies were his bane, chipping away at his health if they did more than 60 HP damage per hit.

I used Hellagur. I raised him to level 90. I used him in Contingency Contracts, events, to clear new main story maps.

But bosses got harder. Enemies got faster. Elemental damage became more common; Wandering Medics could solve this issue for most operators, but not the unhealable Soloblades. And Hellagur entered retirement for the second time in his long life. New Soloblades (still called Musha) were added. None were 6 star, and the only one to make waves was Utage, whose S2 provided Arts damage burst and encouraged her use as a nuker: a mini-Surtr of 4* rarity.

Four years after Hellagur, Zuo Le made his debut. His design followed the Soloblade traditions while adding modern upgrades, a revitalisation of old ideas. He is the first Soloblade to make use of Barriers, a mechanic that had been present in the game since launch and present on other unhealable characters like Hummus (Reaper) and Penance (Juggernaut). With the Soloblade’s identity based around their attack speed increase at low HP, the idea of replacing HP while increasing survivability is so obvious that it’s frankly criminal that it took four years to implement. His +1 Block skill (S2) at lvl 7 costs 24 SP, unlike Hellagur’s (S3) which costs 41. His range-extension skill (S3) is one tile further than Hellagur’s (S3) with a much lower 28 SP cost. He not only increases attack speed at low health, but SP regeneration as well, making his already cheap skills easily spammable ensuring his DPS and survivability remain high no matter the conditions. He is the shining future of Soloblades, in an era where their niche is threatened by ever-stronger Dreadnoughts, Juggernauts, Reapers and Duelists (but not really Duelists). Zuo Le easily stands ahead of every Soloblade in the game. He is the champion to bring back the glory of Hellagur’s debut, addressing every flaw in the Soloblade’s design while piling on the damage to catch up to 2024 Arknight’s premium DPS.

But Zuo Le made a miscalculation: you see, the other subclasses have been cheating.

Mountain is a Brawler Guard, a low DP cost Block-1 subclass meant to deal with weak enemies at the start of a map. He blocks 2 and heals himself. Reed the Flame Shadow is an AOE Caster masquerading as an Incantation Medic to keep her DP cost low. Degebrecher’s S3 is auto recharge, with a Swordmaster Guard’s massive range and damage, with a unique debuff that disables enemy normal attacks. Mlynar sneaks in some true damage while in his mandatory idle phase as a Liberator Guard, using his taunt and reflect passive. In 2024, operators are expected to do more than their job description. Zuo Le stuck to the rules.

Zuo Le is the most Soloblade a Soloblade has ever Solobladed. And he shall remain so, at least for the next 6 months. He’s an extremely strong DPS and laneholder. Unfortunately, that’s not enough anymore.

Zuo Le’s main weaknesses are the same as other Soloblades: he is susceptible to ranged attacks that he can’t retaliate against, elemental damage can wear him down when there are no enemies, and Block-1 leaks large waves. I find myself using him in IS standing in front of a low rarity and low DPS defenders like Spot and Cuora, charging up his skills to clear out the enemies she gathers up. His S3 range is good for providing support to other lanes when placed horizontally; Blaze and Thorns users will be familiar with this strategy. He performs well enough.

But for a casual player, I think his performance will feel worse than other 6 star laneholders. He’ll leak a slug because his S2 didn’t charge in time, die to necrosis damage, get frozen and fail to recover his HP before getting bonked…and when you stare at your squad wondering what to tweak to get that perfect clear, Zuo Le will start looking like the guy to replace. I think Soloblades and other Block-1 elite killer types (Skadi, Viviana, Hoederer) have a tendency to feel worse when they underperform compared to other operators. Zuo Le isn’t a weak operator, but among strong operators he will feel worse to play.

The first Soloblade character was a veteran of bygone wars, tired of fighting but reluctantly joining the battle to spare others the suffering he knew too well. In a way the Soloblade subclass echoes Hellagur himself, feeling like they were made for an older style of combat that Arknights has since moved on from. In a time when many DPS bring other utility to the table, and the utility classes bring considerable DPS, Zuo Le honours the Musha’s legacy perhaps a bit too much for his own good.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

cw: vent as long as should be expected from reddit refugee, r*ssian psychiatry being as dehumanizing as every other things in this country, english at the level of a non-native who got lost in reality while writing at least twice;

massive tw: forced hospitalization, suicidal troughs mention, abusive therapist and cruelty i suppose?

i don't even want to start it with "NPD culture is" cause i honestly (desperately) want that no one here will relate with my experience. i also will completely understand if this rant will not be posted, it's long, terrible, it's about may be specific to my doomed country's doomed medical care only. even i myself wish to having no idea about it. i not even goin to be anon here since i have a little fate in this end up posted.

well, NPD culture is dissociating each time anyone share they ideas about how often they supposed (they always supposed that is "never") pwNPD are searching for a therapy. i was the one who did search indeed and found out unpleasant fact that not only i won't get any help, but the one who should help me eventually will try to utterly destroy me. it's was what happened last time, i believe now i could have PTSD and here's the story.

after some dramatic events my npd symptoms slowly started getting much worse. i won’t describe everything, it’s enough to mention that during the year since the dramatic events™, i almost completely isolated myself from society and almost stopped doing anything for my studies, trying to avoid negativity from people around me. i tried seeing a counselor in college to address at least this issue, i can't remember anything about her other than she blamed me for my "parenting stance" and kept telling me i didn't want to work on myself and just wanted to blame everyone but myself for my condition. i tried to visit another psychologist. and another. while i was spending my last money trying to find a specialist who would at least hear me, it was getting worse, maybe because of the my belief that everyone would always be against me. when idea about getting lost in a river nearby my house became more common through than "go brush your teeth" i went to a town psychoneurological dispensary... i should have go to work spending the rest of my vitality to pay for another attempt at private psychotherapy.

just going to the dispensary was humiliating, and by that time I had already lost the idea that it was shameful to seek help. i had to describe troubling symptoms to the psychiatrist on duty... standing in a room full of strangers, only some of whom were medical staff, and the psychiatrist himself looked at me like i was a maggot. and I had to go through this procedure twice, because the first time, “I’m constantly thinking about throwing myself into the river,” apparently they didn’t hear. when i finally got to the dispensary, all those tests that were done to assess my sanity.... the wording of the questions was humiliating to say the least, and even with my belief that i was the most honest person in the world, i admit that lied on that tests. again, no one listened to me, patients in general were given as little attention as possible. when one of the conversations with the therapist she touched on a topic that was painful for me and i couldn't hold back my tears, i was threatened that if I didn't pull myself together i would be sent to a hospital. which exactly what happened.

this was supposed to be the longest part of the story, but it's physically hard for me to describe what happened, so I'm just listing it. i was not allowed to contact my family, to take any things, at least clothes from home, they just put me in an ambulance and took me to this prison. they took my phone and I didn't see any of my stuff until I was discharged. when they brought me in, they injected me with something and did it for the three days i was in the isolation ward where they put all the newcomers. later on, they transferred me to a general ward and again every day they gave me a hell of a lot of medicine. I don't know what they were. i know how it sounds but alas this is how russian psychiatric hospitals work and this horror can be confirmed in the stories of other... survivors? we were not allowed outside (because of covid they say), there were no family visitation days, the only thing we did was to walk along the corridor along the wards. no privacy, no emotions allowed, YOU a nothing.

i spent a month there. for crying. i could have gone longer, but I was able to convince the superintendent at the weekly meeting that i could be returned to the care of the dispensary. when I left, i was told that my good behavior would get me bipolar instead of schizoaffective disorder so they "wouldn't ruin my life." what does schizoaffective disorder have to do with anything? ut's what in this country they like to diagnose when they don't know what to diagnose. doesn't really matter if you fit criteria. i didn't fit any of them, so thanks for... not ruining my life i guess.

it took me two years to recover from all this. i think i'm mostly fine as long as no one mentions how bad narcissists are for not going to therapy. like even though I know I need therapy, i can't bring myself to do it. i know there must be normal therapists, but I feel too deep a dislike and distrust of people in this profession. you know... it could cost me life?

.

[corn-fanfiction]

SAVIOUR COMPLEX (Mark Hoffman x F!Reader) (Pt. 13)

(Part 12) (Part 14)

Rated: M

Tags/TWs: language/ past abuse/Mark Hoffman being a c*p/reader's life is getting messy/ Detective Gibson/ LINDSEY PEREZ????/ CHAINSHIPPING MENTION???????/ trauma n grief/ hurt NO comfort

Housekeeping: I'm retconning that Lindsey wasn't killed by Mark. I've decided she took a long sabbatical after her injury and then returned only after the coffin trap.

You stand at the wooden panel door within the hospital. You reference the name scrawled on your note in your hand and compare it to the name plated on the door.

You knock and enter when prompted. Sitting behind a desk, 40s-50s something with slicked blond hair is a man. He's scribbling onto a notepad and looks up when you enter.

“Hello, sorry did we have an appointment?”

“No, sorry!” You lower your head and smile bashfully, pressing your way inside and closing the door behind you. “I hope I'm not inconveniencing you. It's…not a medical issue.”

He straightens, then tenses a little, but maintains his smile.

“Well…have a seat I suppose.”

You do.

“Thank you. I swear it'll only be a few minutes. I need guidance, and if you're willing I think you're the best person to offer it.”

You give him the opportunity to interject but when he doesn't, you continue. “There's someone in my life that I care very deeply about. He's just been arrested for connection to the Jigsaw murders. But…it's not him. I know it's not.”

Gordon nods and passes a pen between his hands. “Detective Lieutenant Mark Hoffman.”

Your eyes widen.

“Yes. You know him?”

“Not really. We've only met a handful of times.” Gordon puts down the pen, leans forwards on his elbows. Sighs. “Sometimes, we think we know people, know them to the very marrow of their being, and then the next moment they're a stranger.”

You look at the floor. “I know. But I've known bad men. I've been with a very very bad man. And Mark is not a bad man. He's hotheaded, and can be misguided sometimes but his intentions are good.”

“May I say something that might upset you to hear?”

You obviously want to say no. Your hands are starting to shake.

“Sure.”

“That same thing could be said about Jigsaw. John Kramer or any of his accomplices.”

“But not him. Doctor, isn't there someone, anyone in your life that you would do anything for?”

And though you don't know it, in that moment, he thinks of Adam Stanheight.

“There was once.”

“And?”

“I couldn't save him.”

Your throat begins to close up.

“I need to. Please.”

Gordon pushes back from the desk, seems to go over something in his head before clasping his hands together.

“I know someone who may be able to help. May. I can't legally give you any personal information but if you can find it, give her a call. Jill Tuck. John Kramer's widow.”

You recognize the name upon hearing it.

“She's a clinician, right?”

Gordon doesn't respond, doesn't even nod, but doesn't deny it.

“I hope I was able to help.”

You smile. “You did, in some measure. I really appreciate it.”

You get up to leave.

“Can I ask you something before you go?”

You turn.

“Of course.”

“What happens if you're wrong? I hope you're not. But, what if?”

You falter. “Not even a possibility I can entertain.”

Gordon nods in an understanding you don't know. You thank him again and leave the office.

-

You worked very hard to get Jill's home address. Not wanting to bombard her at work, you got the name of a reporter from Gerri, who got you Jill's address. Probably from some past or current harassment over her dead husband. You feel guilty for being the next in line.

She's in a nice complex and you knock on the door. After a moment of waiting, you hear approaching footsteps and the door opens. Your eyes widen when you recognize she's the woman you served at work.

“Oh, hi! Um, are you Mrs. Jill Tuck?”

She leans on the door. “Miss. And yes.”

After a moment, you shake your head.

“I know you. From the restaurant.”

“Oh yes, you're that nice waitress. What can I help you with?”

God, you really hate to do this to her now.

“I'm really sorry to do this but I'm desperate. Someone I care for very deeply needs my help. And I was told you'd be the best person to ask.”

She adjusts her posture and you notice that she keeps a sturdy blockade between you and her apartment.

“What's this about?”

“Mark Hoffman? He's a detective-”

“I know who he is.”

It's a clipped response.

“Oh. Well, he's been arrested. I need to prove his innocence.”

“And who told you to come to me?”

Her bubbly demeanor from the restaurant, even the positivity when she opened the door, has given way to a coldness. You understand, but it's still jarring.

“I don't know if I should say…”

“If you managed to find where I live, I think I deserve to know.”

“Dr. Lawrence Gordon.”

“Ah.”

You shake your head. “I'm sorry. I think coming here was a mistake.”

“Look. All I can say, and if the police ask I'll tell them the same thing, is that I don't know anything about Jigsaw other than he was my husband. I don't know about any accomplices.”

You look at this woman and really see her. She's gorgeous, a kind face, weathered by what was likely the relentless stress of having a serial killer for a husband. You also distantly recall hearing something once about a baby, when everything came out…

And to think, here she is, collected and living.

“Okay. I'm sorry to have bothered you. Have a good rest of your day.”

“You too.”

She closes the door and you take yourself back down the hall. Another dead end. You check your watch and curse at the time, running out of the building and hailing a cab. You're almost late for work.

-

Half a shift in with decent tables and tips to match, and running drinks from the bar when your night manager catches you.

“Jesus, Jake! I'm not paying for these if you make me spill them.”

You're half joking but the look he gives you is full serious.

“I'm getting pretty tired of cops showing up around here. Got one asking up front.”

Your stomach knots and you return the drinks to the bartop. Wiping your moist hands on your apron you peek around the corner and blanche when you spot Gibson. And you have half a mind to go duck into the kitchen when he spots you and beckons you over.

He gets a good look at you, rubbing his jaw. He looks as worn as he did when they arrested Mark.

You lead him outside into the cool night air. The neon sign of the restaurant hums above you and casts yellow onto the wet pavement.

“What is it?” You ask and wrap your arms around yourself.

“You're being called in for questioning. Is it okay if I drive you?” He hooks his thumb in the direction of his car. You smudge a hand across your cheek and sigh.

“Can I finish my shift first?”

He looks at you, his eyes softening a little, before he nods.

“Sure.”

You do finish your shift and throw your apron in your locker before walking out with Gibson. He actually opens the passenger door for you, something that gives you pause, before seating himself behind the wheel.

“Sorry it's so late,” he mutters and cranks up the heat.

“It's fine,” you lie. You did make him wait, and you're still a little surprised he did so in the first place. “I've actually been wanting to talk to you. I need you to tell me what evidence you have against Mark. And if you need incentive, I would be very happy to go to the chief and tell him about you assaulting me if you don't give me what I want.”

You're at your wit's end about helping Mark and you know that until you know for certain what they have against him, you don't have a leg to stand on.

Gibson's hand, still on the stick, positions it back to parked. He turns to you.

“When I take you to that room, I'm going to give you that evidence for free. You can even tell the chief too. I won't try to stop you. Believe it or not, regardless of my unprofessional and inappropriate behavior choices, I have no ill will against you. The disdain I harbor for Hoffman carried over into our interactions and I regret it.”

You're stunned into silence. He's looking at you, too, not avoiding your eyes.

“I say all of this so that hopefully you'll trust me when we get in that room. You can hate me, you can tell me to go fuck myself. But before that, can you at least listen?”

In the short time you've known him, Gibson has proved an enigma to you. Bad temper, bad mannered, but quick, sometimes smart. Downright nasty in some situations. But in the moment, when it counts…

“Yeah…okay.”

-

He doesn't lead you to the interrogation room. Instead, he takes you to a conference room with warmer lighting and comfortable seats. There's coffee ready, and the blinds are pulled. And sitting across the table is a woman you've never seen before. Her curly black hair is pulled up and you can very clearly see the scars that mark her face and neck, like she'd been cut relentlessly.

“This is Special Agent Perez with the FBI.”

The rises to shake your hand. When she smiles at you, you manage to remember watching the TV reports. One of the first federal agents on the Jigsaw case.

“Holy shit. You're- I thought you were gone.”

“I took a sabbatical to distance myself from…Peter. but when Jigsaw started killing again I came back in.”

Peter… Strahm. The supposed official Jigsaw accomplice. Those details you were a bit shaky on.

Gibson invites you all to sit.

“I figured it would help to have her here. Make this a bit easier.”

You look between them. She seems warm and inviting judging by her resting face giving you attention and a soft look in her eyes. And…he's put another woman in the room with you.

You blow out air. He's really trying.

“Okay…What evidence?”

Perez speaks first. “Let's start with Peter- Agent Strahm. The FBI had reasonable suspicion of him due to…physical evidence being left at the scene of an earlier trap. But, through some medical dating, we were able to determine that the particular piece of evidence would have only been left after Peter was dead. In short-”

“You ruled him out.”

“Yes.”

You look between them again.

“So you're saying he was framed.”

Silence. They're waiting for you to connect the dots.

You do.

“You're saying he was framed by Mark.”

Perez nods. You clench your fists around the fabric of your pants and focus on your breathing.

“So what about this new evidence?”

It's Gibson's turn now. He's sitting next to you and softens his posture to face you. “DNA samples, personal items, both found at the newest crime scene. Irrefutably Mark's.”

You're staring at the woodgrain of the table. You can't seem to blink.

“So that's it? That's enough to damn him? If Strahm was set up, why couldn't Mark be set up? Why do you get to believe Strahm but I can't do the same?”

For a moment, they're a little shocked at your words, stuttering between them before Gibson takes over.

“Well, with all due respect, you're not a detective or an FBI agent. And Agent Perez new Strahm for years. You've known Mark for a month. You've put in a lot of effort to gather support for Mark, but what have you found so far? Who's vouching for him?”

Your head begins to shake.

“No. I'm sorry, but no. I don't believe it. It's too easy.”

Perez leans further over the table.

“Have you heard of Occam's razor? That sometimes the simplest answer is the right one?”

“But, he cares about people. About his sister, about me.”

“Enough to kill his sister's abusive and murderous ex? To kill your ex?”

Ted.

“No…”

He promised.

“Let me ask you this. Has he ever acted out of the ordinary? Kept strange hours… acted violently or maliciously? Said strange things?”

“Yes but…”

“Is it possible you've suspected this and you don't want to believe it?”

Tears are forming and you don't think you can hide the wavering in your voice.

“I think… I think I should call a lawyer.”

“Why?”

“Because these questions- they're scaring me. Confusing me.”

“You're more than welcome to call a lawyer, but is a lawyer going to be able to ease your mind? These are the facts, this is what we know is true. Everything we know points to Hoffman, more than likely, being an accomplice to Jigsaw, and now taking on the mantle.”

It can't be true. Your hands move from your trousers to the table top, shaking against the smooth surface. You're suddenly very hot and Perez must notice this because she pours and slides you a glass of water. You consider it, reach out fingers, then draw back knowing that you can't possibly hold it.

“…can I see him?”

Gibson stutters.

“I'm not sure that's a good idea.”

You feel the tears return. You aren't entirely sure what you think talking to him will do. Maybe just seeing him will unlock the vice grip threatening to squash your heart? That this internal pain is the only thing you can consider managing?

“Please? I won't repeat any of what you just said, I promise. You can be in the room. But I need to be able to look him in the eyes.” They're silent, avoiding your eyes. “Gibson, please.”

He clicks his teeth, nods at the table.

“I'll see what I can do.”

“Thank you.”

Gibson walks out of the room, leaving just you and Perez, who reaches a hand to yours. Not to hold it, but like an extension of sympathy.

“Hey, I know what it's like, to go through life with everyone telling you that the person you trusted more than anything is a killer. It's hard. You're gonna get through it.”

You pull your hands back into your lap.

“You have the comfort of knowing for sure it wasn't Strahm though. And isn't it a comfort?”

You don't mean to harden your glare but it can't be helped. She knows this.

“It is, for what it's worth.”

-

The Chief agrees to five minutes between you and Mark with him in the holding cell and you a safe distance away, with Gibson's presence. You note that Perez is not invited.

Mark's sitting on a bench inside when you enter. The must've gotten some of his clothes from the lockers because he's changed into a shirt and jeans. You wonder if they've given any attention to his wounds or kept up with his pain med dosages.

He doesn't move when he sees you and it's suddenly very difficult to move your feet so you end up almost shuffling with Gibson at your back. You stop in front of Mark, plenty of space between you and the bars.

He looks up at you. Doesn't stand, doesn't speak.

“How's your leg?” You ask. He doesn't break away.

“Still hurts.”

You turn to Gibson.

“Have you been giving him pain meds? The hospital said-”

“We know. We have.”

You nod and turn back to Mark.

“Mark-”

“Don't ask me.”

You let out a shaky breath.

“I have to.”

“You know what my answer will be.”

“Maybe, but I need to hear you, to see you say it.”

He doesn't move.

“Mark, did you kill-”

“Let me finish-”

“No, I can take accusations hurled from everyone but you.”

Your mouth drops. “I'm not accusing-”

“How many times and ways can I say it before you people get it? I didn't kill anyone!”

When he stands up your back hits the wall. You've heard him shout before, but never like this…never at you.

“It looks really bad from here, Mark.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning you should maybe calm down instead of scaring the one person you've got on your side,” Gibson snaps. Mark stills. Sees you and the way you've turned yourself inwards.

“I- I'm sorry. I'm tired. It's not an excuse but there it is. Hey,” he comes closer to the bars. “Thanks for coming. I mean it.”

How badly you want to go to him. But even if Gibson wasn't standing right there waiting to prevent it… you're not sure you would.

It's almost like every once in a while you suddenly remember who Mark is and always has been. He's a cop, he knows he has power, he has a temper. He can be kind and loving or he can be cold. It's confusing to see both battling for control in front of you.

You turn to leave without thinking. Gibson is surprised but follows you out. You press the back of your hand to your mouth to stifle your crying when you hear Mark calling after you.

Occam's razor. Sometimes, the simplest answer is the right one.

And the answer was just staring you in the face.

[artsysurvivor-nfr]

Amnesty International is a reliable source that had advocated, and made an impact, on many other social issues. This petition can be signed by anyone, from any country.

As the description of the petition says,

"A ceasefire would put a stop to unlawful attacks by all parties, halt the mounting death toll in Gaza and enable aid agencies to get life-saving aid, water and medical supplies into the Strip to address the staggering levels of human suffering. It will also allow hospitals to receive life-saving medicines, fuel and equipment they desperately need and to repair damaged wards. 

A ceasefire would also provide opportunities to negotiate the release of hostages detained in Gaza and for independent international investigations to take place into the war crimes committed by all parties in order to end long-standing impunity, which will continue to breed further atrocities. Tackling the root causes of this conflict, by dismantling Israel’s system of apartheid imposed on Palestinians is now more urgent than ever."

Also, some paragraphs taken from the "What is the problem?" section:

"...More than 10,000 people, mostly civilians, have been killed in Gaza including through indiscriminate and other unlawful attacks. More than a third of casualties in Gaza are children and countless bodies are still trapped beneath the rubble. Millions more face further displacement, dispossession and suffering. 

At least 200 Israeli hostages taken by Hamas and other armed groups and held in Gaza remain in danger, and ongoing indiscriminate rocket fire into Israel places civilians at risk. 

Israel’s tightened siege of Gaza has blocked the entry of goods, including water, food and fuel leaving more than 2 million people in the Gaza Strip struggling to survive. The humanitarian catastrophe stemming from Israel’s 16-year-long illegal blockade on the occupied Gaza Strip will only get worse if the fighting doesn’t stop immediately."

[inahc3]

I was hoping it would take me about a month to recover from moving, this time - as opposed to the three months it took last year. In a way, I was not entirely wrong - my body had recovered enough before the end of May that simply standing up didn't make my legs try to cramp. And yet, here I am in late June, finally admitting to myself that the odds of writing before July are slim, and yet not being entirely sure how I got here.

At first, it was the chores. Things postponed until after moving, like address changes that couldn't be scheduled in advance. Things related to the new place, like learning to use the appliances. Minor surprise issues, like having to buy shower curtain rods.

Then the urgent chores were handled, and I did my best to space out the others - I'd much prefer to hyperfocus on getting all the house things done, but that way lies burnout and frustration (ok I did actually have a burnout week too, that sucked), and besides, I'm sure new house things will pop up on a regular basis now that we don't have a landlord to call about them.

My RL social life took off too, and that was a fun kind of exhaustion. While that was going on, I decided I'd rather fill my head with appliance manuals during the week, figure out their quirks (like how the dishwasher delay function gets weird if you open the door), and *then* dump all that knowledge into my reminder app before filling my head with WIPs and plot instead.

I think I procrastinated a little after that was done - or maybe I had too many appointments. my memory is foggy and my notes are cryptic. I did at least have some stuff fizzing in the back of my head still, and one sleepless night I figured out a solution to my biggest plot hole.

The weekend after our housewarming party, I was determined to get back on that horse. I got all my notes out, flung some documents onto the shiny new TV, and filled my brain with plot again. Sorted out all the things that needed deciding about the plot of part 1, how the plot hole solution affected them, which scenes were most urgent to write in case they jumped the tracks and changed things - I was all set to spend Sunday Actually Fucking Writing, with my notes all around me to help get back into things.

Then Sunday came with an opportunity to do things I'm normally not well enough to do, and I decided that was worth postponing the writing just a little bit. Surely I could do it in the afternoon. Or on Monday, at worst. I even brought my laptop along in the hopes that I'd have writing time while I was out.

I ended up doing pain management instead of writing, and then being so exhausted I made the very stupid decision to read Just One Chapter of a fic someone had recommended. It was a good fic (dustverse), and I can never have just one, and then it was 6am and I was deep into both spoon debt *and* sleep deprivation. 🤦 So I resigned myself to a few days of recovery. I recovered, made plans to pick up the writing again on the weekend - and promptly got sick instead. 🤦 Ugh. I can't write while sick even when I have something to continue, let alone when I haven't touched my fic in so long anxiety thinks writing is an existential threat. 🤪

So here I am, beginning to recover - the good news is I think I'll be well enough to travel for an important medical appointment, the bad news is I need to save all my spoons for that and not take risks, plus my brain is full of Things To Pack (which I have not properly written down, FML) with no room for Things To Write. And I know I won't write shit while I'm away, and there'll be a pile of postponed chores waiting for me when I get back.

I'm gonna need a solid day of Only Writing to push through the anxiety, and it's gonna suck so much, and I don't actually think I'll have room in my schedule until July. 😭 And I can't even afford to have strong feelings about it right now - gotta stay relaxed and give my immune system all the spoons that aren't spent on packing.

NGL, it's times like these that make it tempting to throw in the towel and leave the writing to people who don't have to fight their own brain over every goddamn word. But this story really, really wants to be written. So I think I'll keep trying. At least until part 1 is complete and I get the ineffable idiots talking again.

I got a really nice comment on it a while back, too, so my beta readers and I aren't the only people looking forward to more chapters. :) :) although at this point, I think it makes more sense to sketch out the remaining scenes and have several mostly-written chapters to edit, to be sure all the plot threads come together well enough, instead of going mostly chapter by chapter like I have before. So even once I get writing again, posting could take a while. Slow and steady wins the race, I guess?

[sleepingdeath-light]

s/o with long term sickness hcs ; hunter

requested by ; indie-lovely2022 (29/03/23)

fandom(s) ; the owl house

fandom masterlist(s) ; main | hunter only

character(s) ; hunter wittebane

outline ; “haii can you do a hunter x gn!reader where reader has constant heat flashes, nosebleeds and dizzyness/lightheadedness, to the point of they're standing still for to long the slightest breeze could make them fall over.

This has been going on with me for a little over a year now and me nor my aunt who's a nurse who's what's wrong with me and hunters one of my biggest comfort characters”

warning(s) ; references to illness

hunter is constantly fretting over you and trying to accommodate your condition whilst the two of you try to figure out what’s happening

he carries around tissues in his pockets at all times — the softest brands he can find — in case you get a random nosebleed

keeps ice glyphs around the home and in his jackets so that he can use them as makeshift ice packs to tackle your hot flushes

pushes for you to use a mobility aid of some sort if you have to walk a long distance for whatever reason (walkers, canes or ideally wheelchairs)

makes sure that anywhere you go has somewhere for you to sit, not wanting to risk you falling and getting hurt

keeps a close eye on you when you’re out and sticks nearby so that he’s able to react and catch you immediately if you start to stumble or fall

terrified for your health in general, really, but if he can’t be with you then he frets more — making sure that you have a friend around if you’re out in case your symptoms start to flare up again

constantly researching your symptoms and reaching out to medical professionals across the realms — wanting to get you a diagnosis so that you can understand what’s happening and properly address it

but until then he will do whatever he can to take care of you and minimise the issues caused by your condition because that’s what partners do

[luna-rainbow]

I saw this great reference post recently about medical conditions. It has a lot of useful information about initial first aid. I wanted to add some comments about urgency because a lot of fics take place outside the hospital setting and it's helpful to know how quickly you've got to get your character to medical help before they die. I also wanted to add something about long term disability because I think fiction often doesn't address chronic illness and injuries, but it's useful to know about if your character doesn't have magic serum healing powers. (I didn't want to add directly onto that post because they had clearly spent a lot of effort on the research and I don't want to come across like I'm raining on their hard work)

Also got requested for stab wounds and falls from heights =) Going to start with a little spiel on brain injury because it will come up a lot.

Brain injury There are different types of brain injury and they present differently depending on the areas of the brain affected. Traumatic brain injury comes from acceleration-deceleration, and typically have issues with mood control, attention/concentration and decision-making/problem-solving. This is the type that comes with amnesia of events before, around and after the injury, but particularly after. Hypoxic brain injury is when the brain didn't get enough oxygen, and is typically associated with breathing issues (drowning, suffocating, hanging, anaphylaxis). Memory may be affected, but don't have the classic course that traumatic brain injury go through. Hypoperfusion brain injury is usually due to a blood supply problem, and is typically from heart issues or low blood volume. These often affect deep territories of the brain and can have a variety of very localised and sometimes unusual symptoms, but can also present like hypoxic brain injuries. There are also a bunch of other acquired brain injury syndromes from strokes, bleeds, tumour, inflammation, etc etc and they all affect the person in different ways.

Stab wounds - Deadly? - depends what you hit, how quickly that area bleeds, and how long it takes for them to get help. Fatal within seconds/minutes: hitting any major artery/organ that results in blood released outside the body: neck (carotids), groin/thigh (femoral), chest (aorta and heart). While veins usually bleed slower, hitting major veins (groin/abdomen/chest) can also kill quickly. Likely to be fatal within an hour or two: major organs with a lot of blood supply (e.g. liver, kidneys, spleen, lungs), the aorta - there is a buffer because they tend to bleed first into the body cavity. Depending on the cleanliness of the knife, environment and whether you perforate the gut, infection can kill them down the track (days). Stabbing into muscle and fat is not usually going to cause death by itself unless you hit a blood vessel. - Disability? - depends on what was hit. Not enough is said about lacerated muscles and tendons. Especially around the hands and wrist (e.g. when people hold up their hands for defensive wounds), this is not easy to repair and you may not regain all your hand function (screw all the samurai movies where people catch blades one-handed, don't do it!). If an organ is hit, part or all of it might need to be removed to stop the bleeding, which causes long term problems. If the gut was perforated and infection happens in the abdomen, this usually means lots of surgeries and lots of gut problems down the track. Scarring, disfigurement, pain, body image issues (and PTSD) can all happen.

Fall from height - Deadly? - really depends on the way a person falls and what they land on. People have died from getting punched and falling backwards onto the ground from standing height. The highest fall survived was 10km but the vast majority will not be this lucky. Statistically, the 50% survival rate is at about 4 storeys (15m) while heights above 18m (?about 6 storeys) are almost uniformly fatal. What usually kills them is either going to be massive internal bleeding or brain injury. - Injuries - determined by which part they land on first. Common injuries are: leg fractures (usually ankles and hips), pelvic fractures, spinal fractures, rib fractures and skull fractures. Arm fractures can also happen, especially if they land heavily on one side or they try to break their fall with their hand. In general, internal injuries are correlated with where the bony injuries are. So rib fractures will usually be associated with lung bleeding or pneumothorax (air in the space between lung and the lining), or liver bleeding (the lower ribs on the right side overly the liver). - Disability: apart from the issues with fractures and severe traumatic brain injury (discussed below), spinal fractures can (but doesn't always) cause spinal cord injury - i.e. damage to the nerves going from the brain to the rest of the body. Spinal injuries can be complete, or incomplete (and uh...it's like a massive topic by itself so I won't go into it), and comes with a huge laundry list of complications and life-changing challenges with breathing, blood pressure management, skin problems, bladder and bowel issues, and sexuality issues. Bad pelvic fractures can also come with a lot of bladder, rectal and genital issues.

Allergic reaction - Deadly? - no, unless it is anaphylaxis. It can be very annoying or even (temporarily) disfiguring from the swelling and redness - Disability? - most allergies recur (some get better with age some get worse), but allergic attacks alone do not usually leave permanent disability.

Traumatic Amputation - Deadly? - depends on the level and how long you take to get to medical help. Small appendages (fingers/toes) are okay unless they get infected in the coming days. The higher the amputation on a limb, the higher the risk of severe bleeding, and you'd need to get to medical attention within hours at most. Above knee amputations with femoral artery bleeds can pour out your entire volume within minutes. - Disability? - Yes. Even as small as fingers and toes will affect your ability, although humans are very good at adapting. Thumb amputations are a major problem because you will lose your grip. Losing the big toe will affect how your foot pushes off from the ground and can impact your walking. Lower limb prosthetics are much easier to adopt than upper limb prosthetics, and the higher the amputation, the harder it is for the prosthetic to be attached and used. Also...watch out for PTSD/psychological distress and phantom pain. - Notes: most fics wouldn't need to describe these in detail, but traumatic amputations are...for lack of a better word, traumatic and messy. They often do not amputate completely. They are often associated with multiple fractures along that limb. In hospital, the doctors will assess whether they can reattach the amputated part, but often there is extensive damage to the blood supply and nerves around the area, and a surgical amputation has to be done higher up.

Anaphylaxis - Deadly? - YES. Get that epinephrine/adrenaline in within minutes or they die. - Disability? They will need to be aware of their trigger and carry the Epi-Pen with them. If the anaphylaxis is treated quickly, there's usually no lasting effects. If the anaphylaxis is treated late and they lose consciousness or even, god forbid, arrest, they can have long-term effects from hypoxic brain injury.

Asthma - Deadly? - Potentially, depending on the severity. - Disability? - Yes. Apart from needing to carry their puffers, the severe asthmatics sometimes have to go on long-term steroids, which causes a whole host of problems with weight, appetite, bone health, skin health etc. If it's severe enough to need ICU (rare, but possible), then they might end up with hypoxic brain injury. - Notes: poor lungs is something that can permeate every aspect of life. Getting an attack when you go for a run in the cold, getting short of breath walking up the stairs, getting wheezy when you help move a couple of heavy furniture etc. In describing an asthma attack - a key is how much they can speak. The one holding a full conversation with you is going to be fine. Watch out for the one sitting silent on the edge of their bed, leaning forward with their arms propping them up by their sides (tripod position), their neck and chest muscles straining with every breath, who can only answer in single words.

Blood loss - Deadly? - Potentially - the previous post had a good rundown of the volumes involved. - Disability? - Potentially. Again, no blood for brain, brain sad. Mechanism is going to be different to anaphylaxis and asthma though, which are from low oxygen. With anaemia and shock, it can cause infarction (i.e. death of cells in area that didn't get blood supply) in deep parts of the brain. - Notes: people can tolerate horrendously low blood (haemoglobin) levels if it's from a chronic illness (e.g. lymphoma). In acute blood loss though - the person is going to get dizzy with standing up abruptly (might even faint), they might see black spots, feel short of breath and tired, start feeling cold more easily, walking unsteadily and probably trouble concentrating. Note that blood loss can occur internally! Also note that not everyone can receive blood transfusions for biological and for cultural reasons.

Broken bones - Deadly? - Trick question. The fracture is rarely going to kill you outright but the complications might. High impact pelvic fractures in particular can cause massive bleeding and kill (usually within hours). There are also other potentially deadly complications which I won't go into. - Disability? - Depends on severity, yes. A fracture where the bones are well aligned usually heals fairly well; poor alignment can come with visible physical abnormalities. Hardware across joints will restrict joint movements (common for ankle and spine fractures). A really bad compound or comminuted fracture may never heal properly and be a constant source of pain. Also the complications can cause lots of disability! - Notes: bad fractures will distort the anatomy around them, so it can affect the nerves or the muscles. Good young bones will usually take 6-12 weeks to heal enough for normal use. Old fragile bones will take much longer. In the immediate period, any force on the broken bone will hurt - so that's any attempted movement by the injured person, as well as gravity! Don't forget damn gravity! Also, in the first month it's common to get a lot of swelling and bruising in that limb.

Burns - Deadly? - Potentially, but you've got a bit of time (hours). In the early stage it's from the inflammatory reactions and severe fluid loss discussed in the original post. NOTE FOR SMOKE INHALATION IT CAN KILL RAPIDLY if the airways swell up (which might take a few hours, barring the issue with inhalation of toxic chemicals), so these people generally have to be monitored very closely for 24 hours. - Disability? - For the severe burns, potentially lots. Scarring across joints means a lot of movements get restricted, so anything involving hands and rest of limbs are going to be a problem. Large area burns also affects your ability to regulate temperature. Again, don't forget PTSD/psychological distress, particularly if scarring is highly visible.

Concussion/Traumatic Brain Injury - Deadly? - Potentially. Depends on where it's bleeding from. For some people it can kill them within minutes, for others within hours or days. - Disability? - Potentially. As the original post said in another section, head injury is divided into mild, moderate and severe. Most mild head injuries (aka concussion) recover completely within 3-6 months if not earlier. Moderate and severe traumatic brain injuries will often have long term effects on: mood, thinking skills, social skills, communication skills, seizures, headaches. - Notes: watch out for the person with a "blown pupil" (pupil/s not contracting) they will die within the hour if they don't get medical attention. Also watch out for the "lucid interval" for a particular type of head injury bleeds - these are the ones who walk around like normal after a hard knock to their head and are found dead in their beds the next morning.

CPR - the only thing I want to add for CPR is that for someone who needs CPR in the community (i.e. not a hospital setting), chance of getting their pulse back is 1 in 3, chance of them making it to hospital alive is 1 in 5, chance of them surviving the hospital stay is 1 in 10. (source) These are not great odds!

Dehydration - symptoms are very similar to blood loss (apart from the obvious lack of blood squirting out) but usually develop over a period of hours to days. Because it's a much slower process, it's more likely to kill you from kidney failure than from poor blood flow to the brain.

Heart attack - nitpick on the original post but heart attack is not cardiac arrest. Cardiac arrest is exactly as the words say: "heart" "stops". A heart attack is usually referring to myocardial ischaemia - i.e. low blood flow to the heart muscles. - Deadly? - a massive heart attack will cause the heart to stop so...yes. A smaller heart attack can kill within a few hours to days by causing heart failure (i.e. heart not pumping out blood properly), an even smaller one may not cause any obvious symptoms but will build up damage over time. - Disability? - yes. Just like with lungs, a bad heart will affect all aspects of your life. Walking around the house, having a shower, running up the stairs, going for a walk up the hill, having sex. If there is any period where the heart has stopped, it can also cause brain injury.

Loss of consciousness/syncope - Look. As much as fiction tends to depict people swooning all the time, it is not supposed to happen on the regular. Anyone who faints needs to be seen by a medical doctor. The only benign cause of loss of consciousness is a "vasovagal attack", which is where they (usually young women) drop their blood pressure because it's been a long hot day and they didn't have much to drink and they got excited and stood up too quickly. - Loss of consciousness happens because of 3 reasons: interruption of blood flow to the brain (strokes, heart attacks, heart rhythm problems, blood loss, massive clots in lungs), electrical problems within the brain (seizures), or crappy blood getting to the brain (toxins and medications) - The underlying cause will dictate whether it is likely to cause death or disability

Shock: This is when your entire body isn't getting good blood supply for whatever reason. This includes your brain, which means most people either become confused or lose consciousness by this stage. Will kill within the hour (depending on underlying cause) if not treated, and can still cause damage to multiple organs even if treatment started.

Stitches: erm...there are different types of stitches. The original post talked about interrupted stitches. There IS a type of suturing called continuous stitches, which is when you sew using one continuous thread and pull the wound close like you might fabric. NOT ALL WOUNDS ARE SUITABLE FOR THIS, but it is fairly common in some surgeries. Wounds can also be closed by staples.

[berniesrevolution]

PEOPLE’S POLICY PROJECT

PART I:

Relative to its European peers, the United States spends virtually nothing on benefits for families with children.1 This dearth of family benefits leads to two cruel outcomes: it denies many people the ability to have the families that they want and inflicts financial ruin on many of those who go through with parenthood despite the lack of social support.

The prevalence of financial problems among families with children causes many would-be parents to have fewer children than they would prefer and causes some to forego parenthood altogether. A recent survey found that one-fourth of people between the ages of 20 and 45 had fewer or expected to have fewer children than they wanted.2 The most common reasons were economic: 64 percent said child care is too expensive; 44 percent said they can’t afford more children; and 43 percent said they waited too long because of financial instability.

When people do have children, they often struggle to afford child care, pre-k, and even everyday expenses. The effects of this social neglect are felt most severely by those on the bottom of our society. Twenty-one percent of American children live in relative poverty—a higher percentage than that of any European country.3

Current policy discussions around benefits that help families with children are fractured in strange and unhelpful ways. Ideas to expand child care and pre-k services tend to get grouped in with education policy or stand alone under the heading of “early childhood education and care.”4 Programs that provide public health insurance to children are categorized as healthcare policy.5 Paid leave proposals almost always seek to bundle leave for parents with leave for medical reasons and then wind up classified as women’s policy.6

These issue-area assignments are not wrong in an objective sense, but they create a muddled and rudderless policy framework. A more effective approach would be to bring all these policy ideas under the heading of family benefits and then pitch family benefits as having a simple unified purpose: making parenthood easy and affordable for everyone.

In Section One of this paper, I lay out a general theory that explains why having and raising children is so difficult in a laissez-faire capitalist system. In Section Two, I introduce the Family Fun Pack, a suite of family benefits that solves the problems identified in the first section. These benefits include free child care, free pre-k, free healthcare for children, and a child allowance, among other things.

Progressive candidates looking for a fresh platform would be wise to consider adopting the Family Fun Pack agenda. It is a coherent set of programs that conveys a simple message. These programs, which are common throughout the world, are extremely effective at reducing the burden of parenthood and especially effective at reducing child poverty.

The first problem, which I call the mere addition problem, is that adding children to a family unit increases the amount of resources and time needed by the unit, but our current economic system does nothing to address this need. Similar workers receive the same wages and time off even though some have to pay for diapers and child care while others do not. Because income is paid out to the factors of production without any regard for its final family-level distribution, families with children wind up in dramatically worse financial circumstances than families without children, even when the families are otherwise identical.

The best way to understand the severity of the mere addition problem is through a concrete example with realistic figures. So, imagine two married middle-class couples, the Smiths and the Johnsons. Both families earn $80,000 per year, but the Smiths have a son and a daughter when they are in their mid-20s while the Johnsons never have kids.

According to the latest figures from the usda and the Current Expenditure Survey, the Smiths will spend $233,970 out of their own pockets getting each of their children to age 18.7 That’s $467,940 for both kids. The Johnsons, being childless, will spend $0 over the same period. If both of the Smith’s kids attend a four-year public college, that will cost the family another $116,720, bringing the grand total with college to $584,660 versus the Johnson’s $0.8

Despite working the same middle class jobs, the Smiths are much worse off than the Johnsons. By merely adding two children to their family unit, they find themselves half a million dollars in the hole. This dynamic opens up huge inequalities between families with different numbers of children and causes many lower income families to drown under the financial burden.

In the above example, the Smiths earn $80,000 per year and therefore can probably absorb the extra costs of raising children without going broke. But for lower class families, the story is much more bleak. Retail workers, food service workers, and others with low incomes often find themselves completely crushed by these expenses. Without a robust set of family benefits available to offset child-rearing costs, these families frequently wind up in poverty.

Indeed, because of the mere addition problem, the presence of children is one of the leading causes of poverty in American life. In social statistics, poverty is a function of family income and family size. When children are added to a family, the family’s size increases, but the family’s income does not. This necessarily pulls a family closer to the poverty line and plunges many families below that line.

In 2017, 158 million Americans lived in families with children.9 Over 28 million of those people lived below the poverty line, and that’s even after counting transfer programs like food stamps and the Earned Income Tax Credit.10

If these children did not exist, then obviously there would be no child poverty. More interestingly, if they did not exist, then half of the poor adults who currently live in families with children would no longer be poor.11 That’s right: half of poor adults who live with children are only poor because of the expenses of raising children. It is thus the presence of children in these households that is driving the adults into poverty. Based on this analysis, children directly or indirectly cause 36 percent of all the poverty in America.

Since children increase the amount of resources families need to maintain their standard of living, a society that fails to match that need with public benefits will generally wind up with high levels of interfamily inequality and high levels of child and child-adjacent poverty.

The second problem, which I call the lifecycle income problem, is that peak childbearing years occur in early adulthood when individuals are working entry level jobs and therefore receiving entry level pay. As workers gain experience, they generally receive promotions and raises that increase their incomes, but much of this money comes too late to help with the punctuated costs of raising children. This mismatch between peak earning years and peak childbearing years drives up inequality and poverty in society.

People generally have children in their late 20s and early 30s. The average age of first birth is 26.6 years old.12 The birth rate, i.e. the percent of women who have children in a given year, peaks at 11 percent around age 30.13 The percentage of adults living with children under the age of 5 peaks at 35 percent around age 33.14 The percentage of adults living with children under the age of 18 reaches a high of 66 percent at age 39.15

Yet adults receive their highest levels of income in their 40s and 50s. Median personal earnings peak at age 44; median family income peaks at age 49; and median equivalized family income, i.e. family income adjusted for family size, peaks at age 59.16 The result of this lifecycle income pattern is that family incomes are lowest right around the time people start having children, increase gradually while people are raising kids, and then reach their peak after kids have moved out.

(Continue Reading)

[lo-there-a-sundered-tower]

On Gaza:

I rarely use this platform for social issues, but I cannot sit by without somehow contributing to the visibility of the atrocities being committed in Gaza at the moment. Israel has targeted the only civilian transit corridor out of Gaza into Egypt, effectively sealing Gaza and ensuring that the civilian populace has no where to go while they conduct their airstrikes. This is not a war, it is a systematic extermination. Palestinians in Gaza are without food, water, power, or any kind of infrastructure that allows them to escape, shelter in place, treat their wounded, or even reach the outside world as Israel continues to escalate their attacks into outright genocide. Please take some time to address that we cannot afford to be bystanders while civilians; the vast majority of them children aged 14 and under, are killed indiscriminately out of greed or ignorance. To stand with the Israeli government at a time where they are blatantly violating the Laws of War, Human Rights, and International Law is unequivocally wrong, and it is up to people who still have a voice to make it known that we will not support or tolerate a massacre. Israel has escalated this conflict to unprecedented levels, and the hard-line policymakers in Israel have strategically blacked out any communications coming out of Gaza, are actively targeting known journalists, and are relying heavily on propagandized media coverage in the US to shape the narrative that they are "defending themselves with a proportionate response". You don't "defend yourselves" against hospitals full of wounded children and unarmed civilians.

Indiscriminately bombing a population center, including hospitals, residential buildings, and schools regardless of humanitarian losses, is not a "proportionate response".

Make no mistake, this is a systematic extermination of a stateless people. This has all the makings of another genocide, and we cannot. CANNOT. Allow it to happen. For those of you who can contribute in any way, there are several long-established relief organizations that are in constant need of financial and material support in order to provide displaced Palestinians with necessary medical care and basic needs: Medecins Sans Fontieres - Doctors Without Borders, has been operating in Gaza since 1989, and have maintained a consistent presence there providing medical care for civilians wounded in Israeli bombings.

PCRF- Palestine Childrens Relief Fund. A continuous relief presence in Gaza for over 30 years. They provide direct support and supply through multiple channels, including ongoing care for displaced, wounded, and orphaned children.

UNICEF - United Nations Childrens Fund. One of several UN Direct Aid programs that are currently operating in Gaza providing multi-sectoral support for the affected Palestinians. There are several other relief organizations that are currently providing support to Gaza, but take care to research the organization prior to contributing any funding, keep receipts, and be sure to verify that the organizations are not Israeli-based as the Israeli government will not allow relief supplies to enter Gaza, nor are they allowing any ceasefire to be negotiated.

The US and the UK have also used their positions on the UN security council to block ceasefire resolutions, both nations are responsible for supplying military equipment and munitions to Israel, as well as weaponizing the media in support of Israeli attacks in the region. Consider reaching out to your State Representatives if you are a US citizen, Parliamentary Representatives in the UK, and/or contacting the UN directly, make it vocally known that action MUST be taken to stop the attacks on civilians.

[adelle-ein]

it's been. quite a week "lace it's tuesday" yes.

it's hard and weird when a relative you don't get along with dies, and you're supporting everyone else in their grief while biting your tongue. it's hard because my siblings don't actually remember her and say things about how much she loved us that aren't based in reality at all. they even called her "grandma" which she never went by. it's not a coincidence that me and my oldest cousin were the two grandchildren who chose not to speak at the funeral (because we were always the barricade standing in front of the younger ones to shield them from her, and he was very much her least favorite to boot.)

she'd been dying for years to be clear. my aunt was speculating and thinks she probably had dementia for an absolute minimum of the last sixteen years, and her physical health has been awful my whole life (she'd been on and off hospice for about five years? they'd put her on and then she'd live too long, they'd take her off, etc.) she just. would not die. like i think we're all really relieved she died, even the family members that really did love her, she just had no quality of life or anything anymore the last couple of years. but yeah hospice called and said she was going to die a week ago and they were actually right this time.

she was mean and horrible long before dementia though. the story my dad told at the funeral just made me think of how awful she was. and some of the other "funny" stories my family shared just horrified me. and it was the smallest funeral i've ever been to, we only just had a minyan. because nobody wanted to come because she had no living friends and drove off a lot of her family. some she outlived, some she just abused. the only person other than her sons' families who came was my great-uncle on my mother's side, who isn't related to and didn't know grandma (they might've met at weddings and b'nai mitzvahs if that?) but lived nearby and decided to come. and while i'm not his biggest fan it was very nice of him (and the only reason we had a minyan and didn't need to grab random funeral home staff. sigh.) we had a rent-a-rabbi bc my aunt and uncle's was booked and he kept trying to come up with like...things to say about her? generic grandma sentiments. that were generally wrong.

my aunt wanted us to divide up a box of grandma's costume jewelry she had (apparently she's had it for years but was too scared to divvy it up until grandma actually died since grandma has yelled at her for gold digging before. Yeah. goes without saying but aunt is not a gold digger in any way) and i'm thinking of the stuff i took as gifts from her, not from grandma, because like. i don't want stuff from grandma. but a lot of it is stuff my aunt made and stuff that's genuinely cute and i'll enjoy having i just have to like. separate it. and i got to see oldest cousin for the first time in years so that was nice. and my uncle's doing the best i've ever seen him for a number of reasons and my aunt seemed to be doing well too (and she and cousin both made me dairy free mandelbrot loaves haha) (and she addressed both me and my brother as graduates which is really sweet bc most family is straight up ignoring my graduation so far)

but you know. things are complicated life is complicated i'm gonna rant to my therapists and bite my tongue in front of family bc it really is the right thing to do

i am exhausted though after the stress of rushing out of state rushing to funeral rushing back planes cars being in florida which is my personal hell, blah blah, Travel Shit and concurrently dealing with some medication-obtaining issues and worrying about my conferral and falling behind on work and just not having time for therapy. sigh

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Nov 10, 2023

The July 2022 assassination of former Prime Minister Abe Shinzō focused attention on the Unification Church. The alleged killer’s mother, a church follower, had given her family’s riches to the organization, inspiring her son to take up arms against a politician he saw as having supported the group. A journalist and former politician who has long followed the church’s dealings looks at the issues involved.

To the west of the National Diet building in central Tokyo stand three 12-story buildings that house offices for members from both houses of the Diet. Arita Yoshifu’s former office in the Members’ Building of the House of Councillors commands a view of the Liberal Democratic Party’s Nagatachō headquarters. Arita still remembers the scene from his window one rainy day after the July 8, 2022, assassination of former Prime Minister Abe Shinzō.

“A long line of mourners formed behind tables that had been placed outside LDP headquarters for people to put flowers on. Some of the mourners were children who had been brought by their mothers. Even Abe would never have dreamt that he would be assassinated in broad daylight over the LDP’s involvement with the Unification Church. He met with great misfortune,” says Arita.

A Family Destroyed by the Church “I felt conflicted,” continues Arita. “As a journalist, I spent many years covering issues of religion, in the course of which I reported on the Unification Church’s ‘spiritual sales’—sales of trinkets claimed to have supernatural powers, along with demands for excessive donations. After being elected to the House of Councillors in 2010, I used Diet question time to draw attention to the plight of victims of the church. However, the government failed to take fundamental action.”

Yamagami Tetsuya, who has been charged with the murder of the former prime minister in addition to several other crimes, was born into a wealthy family. However, after Tetsuya’s father died, his mother became a devoted follower of the Unification Church, and Tetsuya’s life was turned upside down. One by one, his mother sold off the family’s assets, eventually even selling the family home. She donated more than ¥100 million to the church in all. The financial strain of the donations caused her to declare bankruptcy in 2002. The family faced severe financial hardship, and Tetsuya resigned himself to the fact that he would not go to university.

Tetsuya’ elder brother had a medical condition. In 2005, having taken out a life insurance policy that made his brother the beneficiary, Tetsuya tried to kill himself, in an effort to help with his brother’s medical bills. While Tetsuya’s suicide attempt was unsuccessful, the brother Tetsuya tried to save by giving his life would himself commit suicide in 2015.

“The Yamagamis were very unfortunate,” explains Arita. “I tour the country talking about the Unification Church, and when I talk about Tetsuya’s story, people start crying. That is probably the reason why so many parcels of food and money have arrived from all over the country addressed to him, despite his commission of a heinous crime,” he goes on.

Attacked for Reporting the Truth Arita has been covering the Unification Church since the late 1980s. His reporting subsequently led the Asahi Journal tabloid to mount a campaign to shut down the church’s “spiritual sales” of goods claimed to hold miraculous efficacy. “The church originally raised money by selling flowers, handkerchiefs, and socks, but that never generated significant revenue, so they shifted to miracle-working trinkets in the late 1970s,” explains Arita.

The objects claimed to have supernatural powers included urns, miniature pagodas, seals, pendants, and rings. The church sold these knick-knacks for dozens of times more than they were worth. When Ariyoshi’s articles were published, his exposés made him a target for attacks.

“I received numerous phone calls with nobody speaking on the other end, and I was frequently followed. One day, a man came up to me on the subway steps, punched me, and said ‘remember my face.’ I received threatening letters in which razor blades had been concealed in such a way as to cut the person opening them,” he reveals.

When Arita began reporting on the church, the postwar Japanese economy was booming thanks to the asset bubble. However, the burst of the bubble in the early 1990s and the ensuing recession brought about a host of social problems. It was in this climate of worry that TV commentators started to focus on the Unification Church.

The wedding of pop singer Sakurada Junko in a 1992 church-sponsored mass wedding in Seoul was reported repeatedly in celebrity news, both in magazines and on TV. In 1993, a story about a former rhythmic gymnastics athlete who escaped from the church also generated significant interest.

“From 1992 through 1994, I wrote over 100 articles on the church. TV stations and newspapers only ever treated the issue as celebrity gossip, however. There was very little coverage of the social issues created by the sale of supernatural knick-knacks,” says Arita.

Aum Attack Sucks Oxygen from UC Coverage However, despite the attention drawn by the Unification Church at one time, the public in Japan lost interest over time, most markedly after 1995, when the Aum Shinrikyō cult carried out a sarin gas attack in a Tokyo subway, killing 14 and injuring 6,300. The ensuing wall-to-wall Aum coverage ensured a total lack of interest in the Unification Church, and Aum came to dominate the job requests received by Arita.

“I would try and sell the tabloids stories about UC, only to have the editor tell me my story would not capture the public interest in the way that Aum would,” he says.

It was around this point that the church is believed to have gradually built relationships with politicians. A survey published by the LDP in September 2022 found that 179 of the party’s 379 Diet members, or nearly half, had some relationship with the Unification Church. It was also reported that in the 2021 House of Representatives election and 2021 House of Councillors Election, a Unification Church friendship organization signed agreements with LDP candidates regarding policy. The agreements required the candidates to commit to constitutional reform, increased national security, support for the disciplining of children, and a cautious stance on LGBT issues and same-sex marriage. The church asked candidates to sign endorsement agreements in which they explicitly declared their support for these policies.

Arita describes the history of the relationship between the LDP and the former Unification Church as follows: “The Unification Church was established in South Korea in 1954. In 1958, Korean followers who had entered Japan illegally began proselytizing in Japan. The church also began proselytizing in the United States that same year. In 1968, the International Federation for Victory over Communism was established in South Korea and Japan. The church used the slogan ‘victory over communism’ when approaching politicians, because doing so in the capacity of a religious organization would have triggered suspicion. It was through the Federation that Abe Shinzō’s grandfather, former Prime Minister Kishi Nobusuke, strengthened his relationship with UC.”

Church’s Close Ties to Abe Family Abe Shinzō’s relationship with the Unification Church goes all the way back to his grandfather. Arita says that a former minister in an LDP cabinet once told him that it was Abe who handled the relationship between the Unification Church and the Liberal Democrats. The church valued Abe, too. In September 2021, Abe recorded a five-minute video message that was shown at a gathering in Seoul of the Universal Peace Federation, a group linked to the church. It is said that this video made Yamagami Tetsuya decide to attack the former prime minister. In the video, Abe makes the following comment: “I want to express my respects to UPF founder Han Hak Ja and the rest of you for working with the UPF to resolve conflicts around the world, in particular with regard to the reunification of the Korean peninsula.”

Han is the widow of Unification Church founder Sun Myung Moon and the current head of the organization, now known as the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification. For the organization, Abe remained an important ally, even after he had stood down as prime minister, because of the influence he wielded in the LDP.

But Arita finds one aspect of the relationship between Abe and the church curious.

“When Abe was LDP secretary general in 2003 and 2004, I asked him whether the Unification Church tried to get close to him and he said they did, frequently. When I asked if he met with church representatives, he said he tried not to. At that time, LDP politicians were still keeping their distance from the church. There was therefore a time when the LDP did not send congratulatory messages to be read at UC functions. But as concern about the church’s spiritual sales waned, Abe came to fraternize with church officials, even to the extent of recording a video message for their event,” he says.

Arita’s Aum Shinrikyō coverage led him to build relationships with senior police officers. A comment made by one of those officers stays with him today: “Once the Aum investigation wound up, we were all fired up and ready to get our teeth into the Unification Church.”

No developments were forthcoming, however. About 10 years later, Arita asked the police officer why they hadn’t gone after the church. His response was simple: “politics.”

Children of Followers Still Waiting for Justice In December 2022, the Diet passed a bill aiming to provide relief to victims of the former Unification Church. Attention is now focused on whether the bill will cause the organization to be stripped of its status as a religious organization. But some say that not enough is being done.

“If the church loses its religious standing, it will lose its preferential tax status as well. The private organization that is the former Unification Church will remain, however. In an age when you can send money across borders using a cellphone, it will be difficult to stop people from donating to the church. The church will claim it is the victim of religious persecution and mount a united defense.” Arita stood in the by-election for the Yamaguchi Prefecture seat that was called after Abe’s death, but was unsuccessful. He is currently being sued for defamation by the former Unification Church over comments he made on television. In a gathering held in May 2023 to support his legal fight, he made the following comment: “I take the attitude that it’s an honor to be sued. I will fight to the very end, as long as I’m alive.”