#so she's now sad she was left unforgiven

[warrior-of-luna]

I used a silly prompt but it escalated quickly into some dark shit and Cass is now depressed and heartbroken 😭

[wonik1ss]

UNFORGIVEN 001. — le.m

about : UNFORGIVEN will be a three part series from now : the start of the UNFORGIVEN era, to the actually comeback, to the promotions of UNFORGIVEN. All about Garam’s replacements life as a LE SSERAFIM member during the UNFORGIVEN comeback !!

pairing : lesserafim x 6th!member

song rec : next page - ive

-

“ AHHHHHHHHHH “. Eunchae screamed as she ran into your groups practice room.

“ THEY POSTED THE CONCEPT PHOTO’S “. Eunchae said as she jumped around shoving her phone into all of our members faces.

A little after ANTIFRAGILE promotions you and your members started to prepare for our second comeback. But you still didn’t feel like you fit in. Your were a replacement, for the groups former member garam.

To sum it up she had a bullying scandal, was kicked out, then later it was found out she wasn’t a bully after all.

You were put into the group a few weeks after everything had settled. Even though people were sad that Garam left and was innocent; the fans welcomed you with open arms mostly. You got some hate but you just shrugged it of. You had your members right?

-

“ AND THAT’S A WRAP “

You had just finished you group photoshoot for your upcoming comeback ANTIFRGAILE, when you heard your leader start to speak. “ Ok eveyone grab your stuff and get into the group can we have a lot to do tomorrow so get eveyrthing quickly! “.

Everyone left in pairs.

chaewon & eunchae

sakura & kazuha and…

Just as Yunjin was about to run up to join her favorite leader and maknae she, pulled you up from the set. “ Ok so where did my favorite 07’ leave her stuff “. You smiled as you showed Yunjin where your stuff was and cling onto her as she got her stuff.

-

“ Ok everyone in the car “. Chaewon said from outside of your groups vans as all of you got in.

Through out the whole ride Yunjin clung to you and you both joked in the back seat of the car.

“ Seriously I found it really cute when you accident winked at the camera ! “. Yunjin teased you as you rolled your eyes at her. “ Ohh is that so… Then if that’s true I find it really cute how you always make that face when you eat “. Yunjin pretended to be appalled, causing you to laugh you even more, and causing Yunjin to see she was doing her best job at making you feel apart of the group.

Well that was until you got back to the dorms…

As soon as the car stopped Eunchae grabbed Yunjin, telling her how they had to watch this new show she had watch and just like that you felt alone again.

It’s not Eunchae’s fault of anything. You just felt you didn’t have that one person to always hang out with in the group. You alway’s stayed in your room practicing and talking to your mom about how you felt.

“ Y/n baby I’m sure it will get better… they just need time to get used to you! they did just loose a member they new for some time just to have another one pop in to fill in her spot.. “.

“ I know mom.. It’s just that it’s not even like I can talk to anyone else! We don’t exactly have a lot of time to socialize with other idols “. Your mom immediately chimed in again.

“What about that… Sullyoon you said asked for your number! maybe you should talk to- “. You tuned out after that. Sure you and Sullyoon had talked when she came to drop of Kyujin so her and Eunchae could hangout. But you guys weren’t that close yet.. Ya she could relate because she was really shy in her group but.. You just wanted a good connection with your members.

You just didn’t want to feel like the random bitch who took there other member spot…

-

“ Look at Y/n ! I wish I had vocals like her.. “. Eunchae said as she ran up to you, camera in hand filming for your groups channel. “ Hi Eunchae “. You said as the younger girl frowned. “ I thought we decided that you would call me Manchae Y/n “. You became flustered as you corrected your mistake. “ Sorry.. Hi Manchae ! “. You said as Eunchae turned the camera around and sat next to you to give you a big hug.

Moments like this usually happened with the members. But just like that.

“ Come here Manchae “. Kazuha yelled.

They were ripped away from you…

-

You tried you best to connect with the member but they still missed their member and you could tell. You had tons of great moments with the members. But.. they never lasted for more then a second. The fans couldn’t really tell this was happening.. but you could.

That’s why after the shoot for UNFORGIVEN ended you just tried the leave as fast as you could so you could, just get in the van and listen to your music till you got back to the dorms.

But it seems like fate had a different plan for you. As you were walking of set you felt someone grab you. “ Watch out Y/n you could have tripped and really got hurt !”. Chaewon said as she grabbed you and held you in her arms. Turns out water had spilled and wires were close to the spill and you were about to trip into the whole mess and get seriously hurt.

The other members ran over seeing if you were ok. Hugging and kissing you asking if you were ok. While you just stood in shock. “ Why do you guys care so much? “. All of your members looked at you in shock. “ Because your or member Y/n! “. Sakura said holding your hand firmly. “ We don’t want anything bad to happen to you.. we are family now and family doesn’t let the other get hurt “. Yunjin said as you started to cry in Chaewons arms.

“ Y/n what’s wrong “. Eunchae said as she brushed of your tears. “ Nothing I just feel like I’m finally apart of the team now “. You said as the girls gathered around you for a group hug. As one of the staff members took a photo, to remember the day you finally felt like you were a real LE SSERAFIM member.

-

Next installments of UNFORGIVEN will come soon !!

[placetneplacet]

Vegas and Sad, Monster Musical People : A Playlist

Part 1 (apparently there is a limit to songs you can add, which is a thing I just learned)

The floor creaks/The door squeaks/There's a feild-mouse/a-nibblin on a broom/And I sit by myself/Like a cobweb on the shelf/By myself in a lonely room/But when there's a moon in my winder/And it slants down a beam' crost my bed/Then the shadder of a tree/starts a-dancin on the wall/And a dream starts a-dancin in my head/And all the things I wish fer/Turn out like I want them to be/And I'm better'n that smart aleck cowhand/Who thinks he is better'n me!/The floor creaks, The door squeaks/And the mouse starts a-nibblin on the broom/And the sun flicks my eyes/It was all a pack o'lies!/I'm awake in A Lonely Room

Do I love that Judd Fry’s solo fits Vegas so well? I mean it isn’t ideal, but I don’t call him a monster for nothing and it is one my favorite pieces from the show…

And in my twisted face/There's not the slightest trace/Of anything that even hints of kindness/And from my tortured shape/No comfort, no escape/I see, but deep within is utter blindness/Hopeless/As my dream dies/As the time flies/Love a lost illusion/Helpless/Unforgiven/Cold and driven/To this sad conclusion/No beauty could move me/No goodness improve me/No power on earth, if I can't love her/No passion could reach me/No lesson could teach me/How I could have love her and made her love me too /If I can't love her, then who?/Long ago I should have seen/All the things I could have been/Careless and unthinking, I moved onward/No pain could be deeper/No life could be cheaper/No point anymore, if I can't love her/No spirit could win me/No hope left within me/Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free /But it's not to be/If I can't love her/Let the world be done with me.

Now I feel that this a tiny bit unfair, because Vegas is a “Beast” it’s literally his archetype, Vegas and Pete is a Beauty and the Beast/ Animal Husband story, but no where in my own made up rules did I say the song choices had to not be obvious…(aside, one of the many sins of the live action remake was passing up If I Can’t Love Her for whatever the hell Evermore is…)

No pain could be deeper /No life could be cheaper /No point anymore if she can't love me/No hope she would do so/No dream to pursue, so/I look to myself despise all the things I see/For I know that she can’t set me free/Let the world be done/With Me

Yes, I did include the reprise…the reprise is important!

I wasn't born to walk on water/I wasn't born to sack and slaughter/But on my soul, I wasn't born/To stoop, to scorn, and knuckle under/A man can learn to steal some thunder/A man can learn to work some wonder/And when the guantlet's down/It's time to rise and climb the sky /And soon the moon will smoulder/And the winds will drive/Yes, a man grows older but his soul remains alive/All those tremulous stars still glitter/And I will survive!/Let my heart grow colder and as bitter as a falcon in the dive/There was a dream, a dying ember/There was a dream, I don't remember/But I will resurrect that dream/Though rivers stream and hills grow steeper/For here in hell where life gets cheaper/Oh, here in hell the blood runs deeper/And when the final duel is near/I'll lift my spear and fly

I tried so hard to make a Javert solo work, but when it comes down to it, Javert and Vegas are just simply different kinds of monsters…Chauvelin works better.

Where's the girl with that gaze of surprise?/Now and then I still dream she's beside me/Where's the girl who could turn on the edge of a knife?/Where's the girl who was burning for life?/I can still feel her breathing beside me/And I know she remembers how fearless it feels/To take off with the wind at her heels/She and I took this world like a storm/Come again!/Let the girl in your heart tumble free/Bring your renegade heart home to me/In the dark of the morning, I'll warm you/I'll rouse you

The pining is on point…

Hey, little songbird, cat got your tongue?/Always a pity for one so pretty and young/When poverty comes to clip your wings/And knock the wind right out of your lungs/Hey, nobody sings on empty/Strange is the call of this strange man/I want to fly down and feed at his hand/I want a nice soft place to land/I want to lie down forever/Hey, little songbird, you got something fine/You'd shine like a diamond down in the mine/And the choice is yours if you're willing to choose/Seeing as you've got nothing to lose/And I could use a canary/Hey, little songbird, look all around you/See how the vipers and vultures surround you/They'll take you down, they'll pick you clean/If you stick around such a desperate scene/See, people get mean when the chips are down...

We have progressed to the Vegas and Pete Sad Monster Musical People portion of the playlist…

Hades, my husband/Hades, my light/Hades, my darkness

Pete has absolutely said this to Vegas, there is no convincing me otherwise

How long? Just as long as Hades is King/Nothing comes of wishing on stars/And nothing comes of the songs people sing/However sorry they are/Give them a piece and they’ll take it all/Show them the crack and they’ll tear down the wall/Lend them an ear and the Kingdom will fall/The Kingdom will fall for a song

Vegas, “No Legacy as Rich as Honesty, what bullshit!

And how does the sun even fit in the sky?/It just burns like a fire in the pit of the sky/And the earth is a bird on a spit in the sky/How long, how long, how long?

And back together…

And you didn't know how/And you didn't know why/But you knew that you wanted to take her home/You saw her alone there, against the sky/It was like she was someone you'd always known/It was like you were holding the world when you held her/Like yours were the arms that the whole world was in/And there were no words for the way that you felt/So you opened your mouth and you started to sing: La la la la la la la

I do not believe in singing your feelings in Thai BL, but I do need you all to know that Vegas does serenade Pete in the novel…

… You have come here/In pursuit of your deepest urge/In pursuit of that wish which till now has been silent/Silent/I have brought you/That our passions may fuse and merge/In your mind you've already succumbed to me/Dropped all defenses, completely succumbed to me/Now you are here with me, no second thoughts/You've decided, decided/… Past the point of no return/No backward glances/Our games of make-believe are at an end/… Past all thought of if or when/No use resisting/Abandon thought and let the dream descend/What raging fire shall flood the soul?/What rich desire unlocks its door?/What sweet seduction lies before us/… Past the point of no return/The final threshold/What warm, unspoken secrets will we learn/Beyond the point of no return?/… You have brought me/To that moment where words run dry/To that moment where speech disappears into silence/Silence/… I have come here/Hardly knowing the reason why/In my mind I've already imagined our bodies entwining, defenseless and silent/Now I am here with you, no second thoughts/I've decided, decided/… Past the point of no return/No going back now/Our passion play has now at last begun/Past all thought of right or wrong/One final question/How long should we two wait before we're one?/When will the blood begin to race?/The sleeping bud bursts into bloom?/When will the flames at last consume us?/… Past the point of no return/The final threshold/The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn/We've passed the point of no return/… Say you'll share with me/One love, one lifetime/Lead me, save me from my solitude/… Say you want me with you here, beside you/Anywhere you go, let me go, too

Yes, obviously Phantom has to show up eventually and yes, this is just all of Point of No Return written out, but again this is another instance of this just literally happens…and we all get to experience it next week! Will Pete be more successful than Christine though?

One dream in my heart/One love to be livin' for/One love to be livin' for/This nearly was mine./One girl for my dream/One partner in paradise/This promise of paradise/This nearly was mine./Close to my heart she came/Only to fly away/Only to fly as day flies from moonlight/Now, now I'm alone/Still dreamin' of paradise/Still sayin' that paradise/Once nearly was mine./I'll keep rememberin' kisses/From lips I've never owned/And all that lovely adventures/That we have never known.

Am I surprised by the amount of Rogers and Hammerstein? A little…

[im-in-love-with-99-demons-again]

Unforgiven/Undying Love

PART 3

PLEASE READ SO U DON'T GET CONFUSED

If you want to see the first part of this then go to @radioactivesweet Right

here, <---Part one

then to get the second part go

Part 2 <---- Part Two

@yourstruly-caycay Credits to @yourstruly-caycay and @radioactivesweet for coming up with the idea.

Sorry if my grammar isn’t the best.

There will be a lot more parts just wanted to post this one.

Yes I did get permission to do this.

___-___-___-___-___-___-___-___-___-_---_---_---_---_---_---_---_---

.

.

After the kiss everyone was cheering for you and Thor.....well everyone except Loki. Once everyone started to drink and eat as they spoke to one other Loki just sat there with a smile and eyes closed. He got up and started to leave but with a smile to not raise any suspicion.

As he got up and was about to leave Odin turned around and one of Odin's crows called out to Loki.

"And where might you be going?"

Loki stopped as his smile dropped and an evil aura filled the whole room for a split second and then Loki turned back around as his normal smile was back.

"This is getting boring, it's no fun..I might come back"

and with that Loki left without another word Odin was confused that he didn't even try and ruin the wedding, Odin just pushed it off as nothing.

Once Loki was out of the wedding he found a nice and quite place where no one was at, he sat down and leaned against the wall; a single tear fell down his left eye as he said

"Why do.....I Love You? If only You'd Love Me Back....If only I hadn't have treated you like that...

..Then Maybe You Would Have Been.......Mine"

By now tears were running down his face like a river, he tried to wipe his tears away but they just kept coming.

Loki ended up just covering his face with his hands. He didn't want anyone to see him, he didn't want anyone to see him so weak; embarrassed by the emotion he felt. He shouldn't feel this way he's a god he told himself. He should just forget about you...but he can't. He wants to so bad but his heart seems to long for only you.

After sometime he wiped his eyes and was no longer sad but instead he was smiling evilly, a thought went through his head of an evil plan.

"I haven't lost quite yet.....

This little game of our has just Begun"

he let out a little evil chuckle as a dark aura surrounded him.

-

-

-(At the wedding)

{Y/n POV}

I was talking to Göll until I felt a really bad pain in my heart as if I were stabbed a million times. The pain got to the point that I was holding on to Thor's shoulder, he looked at me as worry took over.

"Are you alright?"

he said, trying to make me sit down in a chair that was nearby; I opened my mouth about to replay but all that came out was blood, I started to cough out more blood and my eyes started to cry blood.

I tried to get up but ended up falling but before I could hit the floor Thor caught me. He lifted me up bridal style,

I looked up at him before everything went dark.

'...Huh.......What happened? I tried to move but I couldn't feel anything which made it hard. What's going on?

Out of nowhere I started to feel a really bad pain in my heart and it just got to the point that I couldn't even stand up'....................WAIT..AM I DEAD!!!!????? I started panicking

. 'NO I CAN'T BE DEAD......I...just..got married...no...not at my wedding.......no.....NOT NOW !!!!.....why.......'

-

-

-

{Loki's POV}

As I got up I heard screaming coming from where the wedding was. At first I wasn't going to go but then I thought maybe Y/n could have gotten hurt or something so I ran to the wedding.

Once I got there I saw everyone gathered in one place, some were crying others shocked as if they couldn't believe what they just saw.

I pushed past them and made it to the middle only to see Thor holding Y/n in his arms, he was crying. I then looked at Y/n.

She was bleeding from her mouth and eyes. It hurt my heart just to see her........

But anger over took me.

-

-

{No ones POV}

Loki stood there as an evil aura filled that whole place. It made everyone scared with the aura that filled the place. Loki started to move slowly towards Thor.

"How could..you..let this happen?"

Loki said in a slow and intimidating voice as he slowly looked up at Thor.

__________________________________________________(Yup)__

Cliffhanger LOL

[pheere]

I think I have lived courageously and I hope the spirit of that lives in the people who I got to share it with. I used to be full of hate and fear and sadness so now I practice forgiveness and patience and empathy to fashion myself wholer. I want to worry my family less and nourish them more and I try not to let the unjustness of it unravel me. Suppose I love who I love and I’ll ask for more time and cherish it when it’s offered to me. Suppose I act on every attraction and run shamelessly into every opportunity and call it being lucky. Maybe then I can understand what it means when she says she treats every time we meet like the last. I’ll understand her and never be able to answer for it. Still, I am made to see it, and her memory lingers on and on in the radiating pain that travels up and down my spine when I am made aware of the terrible presence of this virus in my body. I am an optimist at heart and I maintain my faith in the everlasting conviction and goodness in people I haven’t even met yet. I still have much to answer for but if this is my resting place, there’s not much I’ve left unsaid and there’s nothing I haven’t left unforgiven.

[wayward-dreamer]

Something Wonderful

Part 2 to Something Unexpected. Read it first, here.

Pairing: Dean x Female!Reader

Word Count: 5,124

Warnings: Angst, fighting, crying, insecurities. Swearing, making up, make up sex. Unprotected sex (wrap it up before you tap it, people!), dirty talk, oral sex (female receiving), pregnancy kink. Fluffy ending. 18+ ONLY!

Summary: Dean and Y/N have been together for a few months now. Despite that, there’s still tension between them. Y/N has been pushing him away and Dean’s sick of it. When he tries to find out what’s wrong, some things are said that aren’t meant. Later when they try to fix things, Dean finds out what Y/N has been keeping from him and why she’s been pushing him away in the process.

Based on this request from @flamencodiva: Request for a sequel to something unexpected. So, even though they are together, Dean and the reader still have their heated moments. Except one day the heated moment goes too far only for Dean to find out there is a nice surprise that the reader has been scared to tell him and she's been pushing him away.

A/N: Here’s part 2 to Something Unexpected! I hope you all enjoy it, and please let me know what you think! I really appreciate feedback, so don’t be shy to share your thoughts! :)

Y/N sat in her car, her head leaning back against the headrest. She had pulled over onto the side of the road, just a few minutes away from the dirt road that led to the bunker. She just needed some space before she got there. Before she had to face Dean and the inevitable.

It had been 6 months since that night in the motel, the night they made a shift from what they thought was hating each other but was actually much more than that. The morning after they had both promised to see where this thing between them would go, and to say that it’d been smooth sailing since then would’ve been a big overstatement.

In fact, this was the first time she was headed back to the bunker in two months. She and Dean had had a stupid fight about her hunting alone, and yelling had led to her storming out and never coming back. They had apologized to each other on the phone after a few hours, but she told him she needed space for a while. He had messaged her almost every day since then, trying to make amends, but she had mostly ignored the messages.

Y/N knew she was pushing him away, and she knew she had so much to tell him, especially something she had found out and didn’t even know how to tell him. She just didn’t know how to face him. She knew as soon as she told him what she needed to, that it was going to be over. She’d been on her own, with nowhere to go.

She had to go. She couldn’t keep him in the dark any longer than she already had. She had been in contact with Sam, letting him know a few days ago that she was coming to the bunker as soon as she could.

Y/N started the car up again and pulled out onto the road. She drove for a few more minutes, before she came to the turning. She drove down the dirt road slowly, so that little rocks wouldn’t dent her car. Soon, she was at the old factory and brought the car to a stop. She cut the engine and opened the door, getting out of the car. Walking over to the trunk, she opened it and took out her duffle bag. Slinging it over shoulder, she closed the trunk and locked the car. She walked over to the steps and walked down, pulling the big door opened. Sam had told her he’d leave it open for her. She shut it behind her and then walked down the spiral steps, opening the door to the bunker.

Y/N smiled as she stood at the top of the stairs, looking down at the war room and into the library. She really did love this place. She remembered how giddy she was to see it the first time. She couldn’t stop talking and wanting to know more about it, and spent the entire day just going from room to room, wanting to see everything.

There was no sign of the boys, and considering it was 11am, they were probably in the kitchen. Just as she walked down the stairs, however, they both walked in.

“I thought I heard the door” Sam smiled, immediately enveloping her in a hug.

“Hey” she giggled, patting his back. Over his shoulder, she saw Dean. His jaw was tight, as he tried to avoid eye contact with her.

When Sam let go, she tentatively walked over to Dean. “Hey.”

He looked at her, and tried to remain stoic, but his eyes probably gave away how much he missed her. He had been hating himself for the way he left things the last time she was here.

“Hey” his gravelly voice replied.

“We had a late start, and just started breakfast. Well, brunch now. You hungry?” Sam asked, breaking the tension.

Her stomach turned at the thought of food. “No, I’m good, I think I’ll just settle in. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, knock yourself out” Sam smiled.

Y/N nodded and walked out of the room, with a small glance at Dean. There was an awkwardness between them now, and she knew she had to work hard for it to go away. She couldn’t stand for this to be the norm for them now.

She made her way to Dean’s room and stopped. He would be absolutely crushed if she didn’t put her stuff there, but if things didn’t go right after they eventually talked, she would need somewhere else to clear her head. She walked past the room and turned the corner, seeing the door to room 16 open. She walked in there and turned on the light, finding it clean and completely bare apart from the bed, desk and leather sofa against the brick wall. She dumped her bag on the bed and then walked out of the room. She would unpack later.

Y/N walked into the kitchen, and Dean immediately looked up at her from his food. She gave him a small smile as she walked over to the table and sat down across from him, next to Sam. The smell of bacon in the kitchen made her want to throw up, but she had to push through that feeling.

“I took 16, I hope that’s okay” she said, avoiding Dean’s hurt gaze.

Sam looked between her and his brother, before he tentatively smiled. “Yeah, it’s cool.”

“So, how have things been?” she asked him.

Sam sipped his coffee, giving a small nod. “Alright, for the most part. Cases haven’t been coming up too frequently to get exhausting, so we’d had some down time.”

“That’s great” she smiled, quickly glancing at Dean.

He just chewed on his bacon and said nothing.

“What about you?” Sam asked in return.

“A lot busier than you guys. I helped a couple hunters out on a werewolf case, we all split up when they started moving. I ended up tracking three all the way to the Catskills” she replied, rolling her eyes as remembered how tired she had been after that.

“Damn” Sam shook his head. “You get them all?”

“Yeah, though it felt like we wouldn’t for a while” she said.

An awkward silence fell between them. As she looked over at Dean, she knew she needed to do something to get him back into a better mood.

“So…” she broke the silence. “Should we watch a movie tonight?”

Dean looked up, his hard expression dropping slightly. “Sure.”

“I was thinking Unforgiven. I mean, I still haven’t seen it” she smiled, knowingly.

“Really?” he asked, his eyebrows raised, as a small smile appeared.

“Yeah” she shrugged. “Why not?”

He smirked at her; the awkward tension had dropped.

“I should get snacks, more beer” he said, getting up and practically running out of the kitchen.

She laughed as he came back, picked up the remaining bacon from his plate and then ran off again.

Sam couldn’t help but chuckle either. “You just made him very happy.”

“I was hoping it would put a smile on his face” she turned to Sam, smiling.

“You know…” he turned to face her. “You guys are gonna be okay.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I know. I mean, we still have a lot to talk about. There’s… something I have to tell him. I just have no idea know” she dropped her head into her hands, combing them through her hair.

“Y/N, whatever it is… just tell him. All Dean ever wants is the truth, so just be honest with him” Sam told her.

“I will. Later. I just don’t want to burst his good mood yet” she nodded, looking up at him. “He’s such a child sometimes” she shook her head, with a laugh.

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, good thing he doesn’t have any.”

Y/N’s laugh quickly ended as she took in what Sam just said. She frowned, wondering what he meant by what he said. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know or not, but the question was on her lips before she could think about it.

“What do you mean?” She turned to him, trying to keep calm.

Sam realised what that probably sounded like, so he shook his head and didn’t say anything.

“Sam…” she trailed off, letting him know she wasn’t letting it go.

Sam sighed, trying to think of what to say. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s great with kids on cases. I just know that he doesn’t want any of his own. Not because he wouldn’t be good at it, because I know that he would. He knows it too. He just wouldn’t want to bring a kid into this life. He knows he can’t leave it and there’s no way he could bring a kid into it, so he just…” he explained, as gently as he could.

She nodded. She got the answer she didn’t want.

Sam looked down at her, feeling awful. He knew he had hit a nerve. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to upset you. You just need to know our reality.”

“I know, Sam. It’s okay. Really. I get it, you know? I’m a hunter, so I understand” She quickly stood up, trying to hide her sadness. “Please don’t tell Dean about this.”

“Y/N…” he called out but she had already left the room.

Dean was going to kill him when he found out what he had said. He had really stepped in it this time.

Y/N rushed into the bedroom she was using and closed the door behind her. She leaned back against the door and let the tears fall down her face. She had to leave. There was no way she could tell Dean what she needed to, not now after what Sam told her. She couldn’t be angry at him; she was somewhat glad to know how Dean felt, but now it put their future in jeopardy. Could he really be with her now if he knew what she’d been hiding?

Her head started to ache. She needed to lie down. Maybe by the time Dean got back and she had rested, things would be clearer on what she should do. She could only hope.

-x-

Sam walked into the Dean cave, a six pack of beer in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other. Dean walked in behind him, a couple of blankets in hand. He knew Y/N got cold and didn’t want her to be while they were watching the movie.

“She up yet?” he asked, having walked in on her earlier to find her sleeping.

It had hurt him to know she didn’t want to stay with him in his room, but he wanted to respect her space.

“No, not yet” Sam replied. “Does she seem… really tired to you?”

Dean unfolded one of the blankets and laid it out on the couch. “Yeah. Sounds like she’s been going non-stop on cases.”

“When are you gonna talk to her?” Sam wondered, as he placed everything on the coffee table.

Dean sighed, closing his eyes. He opened them and glared at Sam. “I’ll talk to her when she’s ready, okay? Can we just have one good night?”

Sam threw his hands up in surrender. He contemplated telling his brother what he said to Y/N, but she had asked him not to.

“I’m gonna go get her” Dean said, leaving the room.

Dean walked down the hallway to the room she was staying in. He really hoped that they could have some fun before having to deal with everything between them. He was scared to talk with her. She had been pushing him away, refusing to answer his messages for the last couple months, apart from a small ‘hi’ or ‘I’m fine’. He just hoped that she wasn’t leaving him; he knew he’d never be able to handle that. Usually he was the one to distance himself from others, but now that it was happening to him, it really felt like crap.

Dean knocked lightly on her door and waited. The door opened slowly, and his eyebrows furrowed in concern when he saw Y/N looking really run down. She had been crying, it was evident from the redness and puffiness of her eyes.

“Hey” he spoke softly. “We’re gonna start the movie when you’re ready.”

She sniffed, trying to smile. “I’m actually gonna take a raincheck. Is that okay?”

Dean didn’t say anything as his concern morphed into frustration.

“Dean…” she sighed as she looked at him. “I know we have to talk…”

“Yeah, we do” he cut her off. “In fact, now’s a good time.”

He walked past her and into the room. She turned around to face him. She didn’t know how to start, as she looked at her feet and avoided his gaze.

“Look… I know that we really got into it last time you were here, but Y/N… I told you I was sorry. I thought things were okay after that, but you didn’t even bother to tell what was going on. I know a little something about pushing people away, and I can tell you’re doing it to me, but it ends now” his voice low and gravelly, trying to keep his anger at bay.

“I didn’t mean to” she spoke quietly, not trusting her own voice. “I just needed some space.”

“And I gave it you, sweetheart. I did… but there’s no telling when 2 months becomes longer” he said, shaking his head.

“I wasn’t going to let it go on more than this, Dean. I wouldn’t do that to you” she told him, closing her eyes.

“Really?” he scoffed. He hated the way it sounded, but he had a right to be angry. “You wanted your space, Y/N. God knows you could’ve taken longer than this.”

She shook her head, glaring at him. “You know… you said you were going to try your hardest to make this work. Making this work means letting me handle the things I need to on my own time.”

“No one said you couldn’t Y/N!” he yelled, suddenly. “But not bothering to send me a proper fucking text for 2 months is bullshit!”

She could feel the anger rise up in her. “If you can’t let me handle things my own way then maybe I shouldn’t be here!”

“Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t!” he yelled.

An ugly silence fell between them as they stared at each other. How had things escalated to that?

“Y/N, I… didn’t mean that-” he started but she cut him off.

“You’ve said enough, Dean” her voice soft, but loud enough for him to hear.

Dean felt his heart drop into his stomach as tears fell down her face.

“Sweetheart” he said, softly as he tried to approach her.

She stepped back, not letting him touch her. She glared at him, her eyes glistening.

“Please” she whispered. “Just go.”

Dean didn’t say anything else. He knew he had said the one thing that was the final nail in the coffin. He nodded, turned around and left the room, closing the door behind him. It was over and she was going to leave. Once again, he had ruined things. She was the best thing to happen to him and now he didn’t have her anymore.

Yet another thing to hate himself for.

-x-

Y/N tossed and turned in bed, trying to get to sleep but failing. There were too many thoughts floating around in her head. Dean must’ve thought she had left by now, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t leave him. Not now, not ever. None of this was his fault, what he said was just his frustration at being cast aside for months by her. They were both stubborn and said stupid things, but it was nothing to end what they had over. Especially since she had something she needed to tell him.

She looked at the time on her phone, seeing that it was just after 1am. She threw back the covers and picked up her robe. She stood up and wrapped it around herself, tying it. She opened the door and walked out of the room, the cold floors of the hallway like ice to her warm feet. She walked down the hallway on her tiptoes, trying to avoid the icy floors as much as she could.

Y/N stopped in front of Dean’s room, staring at the gold 11 on the door. She didn’t know whether to knock or go in. Dean didn’t sleep much, but since they had gotten together his sleep pattern had certainly gotten better. She decided to take a chance and just go in. She took hold of the doorknob and turned it, slowly cracking the door open. The light was on and as she walked in, she saw Dean sitting on his bed, still in his shirts and jeans. He had his phone in his hand, and looked up when she walked in.

Dean was shocked to see Y/N there. He was certain she had left by now. The fact that she hadn’t, though, hopefully meant that she didn’t want to leave. He stood up from the bed and watched as she looked at him and twisted her fingers, a nervous gesture she had.

“Thought you would’ve made a run for it by now” he tried to joke but she could see the pain in his eyes.

She didn’t think twice about it as she rushed to him, throwing her arms around his neck. Dean wrapped his tight around her waist, lifting her slightly off the ground. She buried her face in his neck, taking in the smell of leather, car oil and his after shave.

“I don’t want to leave you” she mumbled into his neck.

Dean sighed; a weight lifted off his chest as she said that. “I don’t either, sweetheart.”

She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, tears gathering in her eyes. “I… I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m so sorry, Dean.”

“Shh” he calmed her down, his lips against her hair. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

“Dean, I… I have to tell you something but… I don’t know how” she cried, burying her face deeper into his neck.

“Whatever it is… we’ll deal with it, okay?” he said, moving his head so he could look down into her eyes.

“I’m so scared” she shook her head, closing her eyes.

He gently lowered her but kept his arms around her. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

“I can’t” she sobbed. “I know… I know you don’t want this-”

Dean swiped his thumbs across her cheeks to rid them of her tears, as he cupped her face. “Don’t want what, sweetheart?”

She looked up at him, her arms coming down to press her hands against his chest. It was now or never.

“I’m pregnant” she said, sniffling. “I took two tests… both positive.”

Dean felt the air had been knocked out of him completely. She was pregnant. They were having a baby. How? How did this happen? He knew how, obviously, but… how? He looked down at Y/N, a million questions running through his head, but one stuck out the most. Did she really think he wouldn’t want this? That he wouldn’t want her?

“Dean” she said, quietly. “Please say something.”

She was so scared that he was about to tell her he wanted her to leave. Where would she even go while being pregnant?

“I…” Dean started but trailed off. He was trying to process everything.

“I know that isn’t something you wanted, it’s a complete surprise and there’s no way that we can do this. If you want, then I can make an appointment-” she told him, but he cut her off.

“No” he blurted out. “No.” As soon as the word appointment came out of her mouth, he knew what she was implying. That’s not what he wanted.

He leaned down quickly, pressing his lips to hers. Y/N was shocked at first but kissed him back. When he pulled away, there was a small smile on his face. She looked at him curiously, as his eyes became watery.

“Why… why would you think I wouldn’t want this?” he asked, looking into her eyes. “Do you… do you not want this? I’ll respect your decision, if you don’t.”

“I do. I do want this. I just thought… you know what? Never mind” she muttered. “You’re… really okay with this?” she asked, her voice hopeful.

He nodded, suddenly too overwhelmed to speak. He looked down, smiling as he looked at her stomach. It wasn’t round yet, but tears gathered in his eyes as he thought about how it would be soon. She smiled as she witnessed his rare display of heavy emotion.

“This is why you weren’t talking to me” he stated.

She nodded. “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, a tear finally escaping as he looked at her. “That doesn’t matter now.”

Dean leaned down, kissing her deeply. Their lips against each other’s, as Y/N’s arms wrapped around his neck again. He untied her robe, pulling her closer to his body. He could feel her nipples straining against the fabric, on his chest.

She hummed into his mouth, pulling away and smiling at him. “Dean, fuck me. It’s been two months… I need you.”

She went in for another kiss, but he stopped her, suddenly looking scared. “What?”

“I’m not gonna hurt the baby, am I?” he asked, his eyes wide.

She laughed a little, finding him adorable in that moment. “No, you won’t hurt the baby. It’s still really small right now.”

“But what if-” he started but she cut him off with a searing kiss.

“Dean, stop. This is the first time I’m not feeling sick and surprisingly horny at this stage. Please fuck me.”

She grabbed him by his plaid shirt and pulled him in, kissing him passionately. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers immediately finding their way into his hair.

“Okay, shutting up now” he muttered against her lips.

She laughed as she went back to kissing him.

Dean pushed her robe off her shoulders as he walked them towards the bed. He carefully laid her back, holding himself up above her. He took off his plaid shirt and then reached for her black tank top. He pulled it up and threw it somewhere in the room. She laid back down, a groan escaping him as he saw her bare chest, her nipples hard from the chill in the room. His hands moved down her body, reaching for her shorts. He took hold of the waistband, pulling them down her legs. He dropped them to the floor as his hands moved over her smooth legs. He reached for her lacy panties, pulling them down and tossing them over his shoulder. He leaned down, kissed her softly.

Dean kissed along her jaw, nipping softly. His lips travelled down to neck, nipping and sucking softly at the skin. She gasped as he continued down her chest, laying a kiss on each breast. He shifted down as he continued to plant kisses along her body, stopping at her stomach. He leaned his head against it, a small smile playing on his face as he thought about the life growing inside her. He pressed his lips to her stomach, and a tear fell down Y/N’s cheek as she smiled, overwhelmed by what she was feeling.

He lifted her legs and placed them on his shoulders, his hands moving under her to cup her ass and bring her in closer. He pressed his lips to her pussy, feeling how wet she was already. He swiped his tongue along her folds, his eyes closed as he tasted her. She let out a small moan, gripping his hair in her hands. His lips sucked at her clit, as his tongue flicked over the bundle of nerves.

“Dean, fuck” she moaned.

He pulled back a little, his tongue at her entrance. He licked her folds as he felt her get wetter.

“Fuck, sweetheart. You taste so damn good” he groaned.

He continued to pleasure her, his tongue softly thrusting into her entrance. He moaned, the sounds he made as he ate her out vibrating against her.

“Dean” she gasped. “Your mouth, oh fuck. Your tongue feels so good inside me.”

He looked up at her, smirking against her as he saw her eyes closed, mouth open because of the pleasure she was feeling.

His tongue sped up, driving deeper inside of her.

“Oh, Dean! Fuck yeah!” she yelled, gripping his hair even tighter.

It was amazing how much he could make her feel using just his tongue, but in that moment, she needed more.

“Dean, I… fuck me. Please” she begged. “I need you inside me.”

Dean moved away from her, as he carefully dropped her legs to the bed. He stood up and reached for his black shirt, pulling it up and over his head. He dropped it to the floor as he reached for his jeans, making quick work of getting rid of them. His cock was hard, the tip leaking pre-cum as he helped her shift back on the bed, her head resting on the pillow. He leaned in and kissed her, lovingly as she wrapped her legs around his waist. She could taste herself on his mouth as she cupped his face and brought him in closer. He lined his cock up to her entrance, slightly hesitant.

“You sure?” he asked against her lips, one more time.

“Yes, Dean. It’s okay” Y/N replied, softly as she looked into his eyes.

Dean thrust his hips forward, pushing his cock through her folds. He slid all the way in, causing Y/N to throw her head back against the pillow. He slowly pulled out before he thrust back in, setting a slow pace. He set a moderate pace, but his thrusts were hard, intense. Her hips met his as she matched his pace, the intensity getting to both of them. She broke their kiss, gasping into his mouth. Dean looked into her eyes, as dark as his, and glanced down her body.

“Fuck, babe you’re so damn gorgeous. Can’t wait to see you all full and round. So fucking hot” he groaned, as he continued to thrust into her at a moderate pace.

“Oh fuck” she moaned. His words always made her crazy.

Dean sat up on his knees, pulling her up to sit on his lap with her legs wrapped around him. Their foreheads pressed together as they continued to make love.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, gonna be even more beautiful with our baby inside you” he muttered, his eyes shiny as he gazed into hers.

“Shit” she gasped. “Dean, your cock feels so fucking good.”

“Your pussy’s so fucking wet for me, baby, taking my cock so good” he whispered, knowing it drove her crazy when he dropped his voice.

He thrust up a little harder, causing her to moan loudly and pull his hair. “Ah, Dean! Fuck, yeah, right there!”

She could feel the band in her stomach getting tighter, as her thrusts started to falter.

“You’re close, aren’t you, sweetheart?” he smirked, pecking her lips.

“Yeah” she panted.

“I want you to cum with me, Y/N. Cum on my cock while I fill you up” he grunted, as his thrusts became more erratic.

The pressure built up inside her, as her walls clenched around his cock.

“Dean, oh my god!” she yelled. “Fuck, Dean. I’m cumming!”

Her eyes closed tight as she came hard on his cock, feeling it slick his shaft and her inner thighs.

“Fuck, Y/N” he grunted as he spilled inside her.

They held onto each other, breathing heavily. Dean slowly laid Y/N back, her head on the pillow. He slowly pulled out of her, seeing his cum spill out of her. He looked down at her and frowned, seeing her cheeks wet. Her eyes were closed but he could see tears rolling down her face. He reached up and wiped her cheeks, her eyes opening to show them glistening.

“Hey” he whispered. “What’s wrong?” He laid down on his side next to her, stroking her cheek.

She shook her head, trying to smile. “Nothing. Oh god, I’m so stupid. Nothing’s wrong.”

“Well, something’s going on in that pretty little head of yours” he smiled softly, only slightly reassured that everything was okay.

“I just… that was amazing” she said, stroking his cheek. “You’re amazing.”

He shook his head, as his hand travelled down from her cheek and laid on her flat stomach. “Pretty sure you’re the amazing one.”

“I… I’m sorry for pushing you away” she said, her teary eyes looking up at him.

“You don’t have to say sorry, sweetheart. Not to me” he smirked, leaning down to peck her lips. “You’re gonna make me a dad, which is something I never thought I’d get to be. That blows everything else out of the water.”

She cupped his jaw and pulled him in, kissing him deeper. She pulled away, running her thumb along his jaw.

“I can’t wait for you to be all cute and round” he smirked.

“Shut up” she nudged his jaw, playfully as she smiled up at him. “I’m sure you’re excited for me to be at the super horny stage, too.”

“Fuck yeah, I am” he wagged his eyebrows at her with a smirk.

She laughed at him before a peaceful silence fell between them.

“We’re having a baby” she smiled.

“We’re having a baby” he nodded, a smile playing at his lips. “We’re gonna be okay, sweetheart. I promise.”

He meant it. He would protect her and the baby until his dying breath if it came to that.

“I know we will” she whispered. “I love you.”

He leaned down and kissed her. “I love you, too” he whispered against her lips.

Y/N ran her hand through Dean’s hair and brought him down, kissing him, passionately. Dean wrapped her arms around her, pulling her closer. It had taken a long time for them to get to this place, but they were both finally on the same page. They were about to start a new adventure together, something they both thought would never happen for them with the lives they lead. There was so much to talk about, in terms of what they would do about hunting and working around doctor’s appointments, but they would deal with all of that soon.

In that moment, they were celebrating their love for each other and their love for their baby.

In that moment… that was all that mattered.

-x-

Tags: @flamencodiva @deanwanddamons @winchest09 @katehuntington @akshi8278 @hobby27 @michellethetvaddict​ 

[phoenixkadeu]

fire and water.

the flowing waves of water, blue, and the burning flames of fire, red.

The rain had been pouring down non-stop for the last few days, thick coats made out of the best furs had been dug out from the closets and were now being worn outside on the streets, all kinds of people had their red noses tucked into the confines of their collars, hands deep in their pockets as their moving bodies struggled to keep in their natural warmth.

Asra was one lucky soul. He arrived at the club territory on top of his horse -  the one that had been a generous gift from the infamous ace of hearts - a creature that was as strong as it was beautiful, a true companion. Which is why Asra did not mind paying  a shiny coin to keep her safe in one of the stables, safe from the cruel elements until he was able to come back.

Heavy leather boots carried him all the way to his parents’ home, through narrow streets and under the watchful eye of neighbours behind the closed blinds of their own homes. It was odd, the whole atmosphere, it seemed like everyone preferred to be inside of their own homes away from the unforgiven the weather and as far away from the war was brewing, ignoring all the promises for a better future under the hand of some other that deemed himself more competent than the present ace of clubs.

None of that bothered him, at least not yet. A wave of calm and comfort filled him once he opened the front door, taking out his boots and setting them to the side, there were several coats hanging down on the rack, a pile of blankets on top of the couch and the young elementalist smiled to himself knowing that his parents were taking care of themselves.

Out of habit, he went to stand in front of the fireplace before crouching down, adorned fingers conjured a set of flames that soon lit up the entirety of the room, warmth slowly spreading around the house and just as he was opening his mouth to shout out the familiar question of “is anybody home?”, the front door opened again, a man walked in, drenched from head to toe and Asra wondered when it had started to rain.

“Hi, buddy,” his father greeted him in a familiar manner, his eyes wrinkling slightly alongside his smile as he shredded all the wet layers from his body, before finally making his way to his son, one calloused hand patted down Asra’s blond hair and making the young man looked up. “are you staying for dinner?” a small nod was enough to make his dad’s face light up. even more, the sentiment clear on his face as he moved to sit beside Asra in front of the fireplace, droplets dripping down from his hair but the old man seemed satisfied just to be with his son in front of a warm fire.

“You should go take a shower or you’ll get sick” the usual roughness that Asra was so known for was nowhere to be seen, only a subtle frown decorated his face, a small display of emotion. This was no simple visit, both men knew that, Asra was worried about his parents and had come all the way just to check on them, which was why it was so hard to get out in the open the next set of words.

The older man opened his eyes, knees worn out from years of work cracked audibly as he stood up, mature hands brushed his pants as he made his way to the open kitchen, just to start opening a series of cabinets and drawers, a horrible habit that often set Asra on edge.

“Somethings wrong” it wasn’t a question, Asra simply knew just by looking at his father’s behavior. The sigh that came out of his fathers mouth was hidden behind the sound of heavy rain hitting the windows and the soft crackling of the fire.

“Your mother has not been feeling well lately” he started, looked at Asra just to try and see his reaction before continuing “She did not want you to know so don’t be mad at her, alright? She is one of the few water elementalist around here and she just couldn’t turn her back on the people that needed her” he explained and Asra could feel the anger spreading across his body.

“The people can’t pay which means that no elementalist is willing to come here just for the sake of helping those in need, you know how it works, son. Your mother always liked to help, she can’t watch anyone suffer and most of our neighbours are still alive only because of her”

Asra stood up abruptly, the words said by his father preceded a bad and expected reaction. He made his way past the open kitchen in order to reach the corridor behind it, but his father pulled him back by the collar of his shirt before he could take another step, made him stumble a bit before he fully stopped on his tracks and prior to any complaints that could be voiced against that action coming from Asra, his father anticipated all of that, his usual soft tone was a bit more demanding now “you’re not going to see her with that look on your face, no need to upset her even more, Asra”

He looked at his father, mouth agape, if it was anyone else he would have told them to just fuck off, but this was one of the people who had raised him and unfortunately, one of the people who were always right about everything. So, Asra suppressed his feelings and kept his mouth shut and finally after the longest seconds of Asra’s life, his father released him, clapped him on his shoulder and spoke up again “that’s better, go on now, I’ll prepare some tea for her”

He opened the door to his parents’ bedroom quietly, carefully, even perhaps a little bit afraid of waking up his sleeping mother and as if on cue, the woman laying down on the bed, underneath heavy blankets looked up at him, tiredness evident on her gracious features which was not considered pitifully just because of the smile that was painted on her lips. “I could tell you were home, it feels warmer” one hand peaked out from underneath the blankets and he almost ran just to take it, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Her eyes closed again and Asra hated it, allowed his face to succumb to the emotion that his father had just warned him about. It did not matter, his mother could not see him with her eyes closed, but unfortunately Asra had his open and even with his damaged right eye he could see her very clearly. His energetic and kind mother was weakened, had been pushed to solve problems that were far from her responsibility, had suffered just to give out temporary solutions, had rejected her own health just to give others a few more days.

It was selfless and stupid.

“Mumsy” he whispered, fingers caressing shapes into the back of her cold hand, gently coaxing her into opening her eyes. Similar blue eyes stared into the one’s of her son, the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes reminded her of past times, when small hands would cling to her legs, trembling lips recounting childish situations as a small Asra tried to defend himself from something he had done.

He had the same expression on his face. No matter how much time passed, she knew her son was still the same, tears for him were always a result of the anger he felt, rarely ever a product of sadness as it was to most, it should have worried her, but it never did, for her he still was -

“My sweet boy” her hand left his to caress the side of his face, thin fingers tracing his tender scars “my beautiful boy” gently and with purpose the palm of her hand found a place above Asra’s chest “I’m sure you can find it in your heart to forgive me”

And Asra did. He forgave her right there, even felt a little bit ashamed for what he was feeling, because in reality he had always been selfish, could not handle the thought of his own mother giving herself to a lost cause. Even if he could not understand it, he could forgive her, if not out of the love he felt for her at least because he knew she had always forgave him for the things he had done, even if he had never admitted to committing them.

They never talked about it, but he knew that his parents were aware of his dangerous lifestyle. Still, they trusted him, never held him back from doing what he wanted and needed to do and now for the first time he was understanding what it was like to suffer for others, to have to trust them blindly, let them do their own stuff and just hope that things would turn out alright. 

“You should rest, I’m gonna spend the night here” he kissed the top of his mother’s head, pulled away just to watch her smile and before he noticed it, his father was already inside of the room, carrying a cup of tea. Sat just where Asra had been previously, cold kissed lips puckered and blew strings of air towards the cup in order to cool the tea inside of it, before passing it to his wife, hand reaching out to caress her hair as she drank it.

It was a soft image, a love that Asra had grown accustomed to seeing, one that he had one day hoped to have. Unfortunately, he felt like he was no longer destined for it, not worthy enough, but now standing with one shoulder against the door frame as he watched the silent interaction between his parents he promised that even if he had failed to protect his love, he would not fail to protect theirs. 

Corruption be damned, this was all he had left.

[baejl]

alone

ateez 9th member au

when moon talked to her father for the last time. 

masterlist  ☾

[n\a: it contains some family abandonment content. if you feel uncomfortable with it or if it brings you bad memories, do not read it (or read it on your own risk). save your mental health.] 

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Moon’s father, Senjin, asked her for the fourth time since when she got home from the audition. 

She left early in the morning saying that she’d spend the day on her friend’s house and came back home with the with the approval of her audition for the KQ Entertainment. 

When she showed the paper to her father, she was hoping that for the first time in her life he’d be proud of her but the look in his eyes said the completly opposite of it. She knew he was happy, but it wasn’t because of her.

“Yes, it is.” she said one more time. “Mom would be proud of me.” she mumbled. 

“Your mother is dead!” her stepmother screamed at her. “How could you leave and lie to us? We were worried about you.” 

“My father was worried about me.” Moon corrected her. “Why do you care so much about me passing on this damn audition? You’ll never have to see me again and you’ll have this house for yourself! Isn’t this what you always wanted?” 

The woman pretended to be offended and looked at the girl’s father. Moon had seen this scene enough to know that she was pretending.

“See?” she pointed her finger at Moon. “She never respected me as her mother, she’s not grateful for everything I did for her!” 

“Bora, this is between me and Eun-” he was interrupted by Moon. 

“You did nothing for me, Bora!” the girl was now screaming. She was sure that anyone who would passing down the street was hearing their fight. “I don’t even talk to you.” 

“Senjin!” the woman warned. “Make your daughter shut up or I’ll do it myself.” 

“You don’t dare touching a finger on me.” Moon said. 

“SHUT UP!” the man screamed and the two stopped. “Bora, go to our room.” he said, firmly. 

“But I’m al-” 

“GO TO OUR ROOM!” 

The blonde woman took one last look at the girl, smirked at her and left the room. She was a living nightmare on Moon’s life. Once she was gone, Senjin allowed himself to take a deep breath. 

“Dad, you can come with me...” Moon said, genuinely. “You can get another job in Seoul, with a bigger salary, it would be just the two of us.” the girl listed. The man shook his head, with a small smile. He sat close to the girl and pulled her to a hug. 

She knew that hug meant something. 

“Listen,” he released her from the embrace. “I’ve never been a great father for you.” 

“Dad, don’t say it.”

“You never needed my help to anything and now I see I’ve raised a strong girl. I see a lot of your mother in you and, as you said, she’d really be proud of you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t capable of being the perfect father that you deserve.” he sobbed. “But, sometimes, looking at my life now, I don’t think you deserve to stay here, in this house, with this people, forever. You’re more than all this. I don’t deserve anything more than I have now.” 

As much as she wanted to believe in everything he was saying, she knew it was fake. It was just lame excuses he always gives her when she achieves something and he doesn’t want to be happy for his own daughter because his wife wasn’t. 

“No, dad!” she stopped him. “You do. You really do. The only ones who don’t deserve us are Bora and her son. Please, let’s move to Seoul.” she was almost begging him. “I can’t lose you too, especially to her.”

“I deserve it, Eunji.” he gave her a sad smile. “The things I did to your mom were unforgiven and living with someone like Bora is kind of my punishment.” 

He got up from the girl’s bed and started to clean the tears left on his face. 

“Eunji, I want you to be happy.” he said. “And if you being happy means leaving us, I won’t stop you.” 

"I’m afraid of what this woman might do with you once I’m not here anymore.” Moon admited. 

“She won’t do anything, honey.” her father assured her. “She depends on me to have the life she has.” 

“Are you really doing this because of me?” the girl asked the question she wanted to ask him for years now.

At that moment, he father didn’t know what to answer to the girl. Moon, unlike her father, knew exactly what the answer was. She just wanted to hear that through his mouth. 

For ten years he wasn’t living for his daughter anymore, he was living for Bora. And even though Eunji was sad about it, he was happy and that was what matters to her. But, when she got the results of her audition she thougth he’d be by her side for at least once. She was wrong. 

“You don’t have to pretend to me dad.” her tone now was a cold one, she even stopped crying. “I know why you’re doing what you’re doing and I don’t blame you. But, saying that I deserve more as an excuse for you to stay here with your perfect family, won’t make things easier to me.” 

He remained in completely silence for a couple seconds. 

“Do I need to sign anything before you leave?” 

“The company will send you all the documents I might need you to sign if i succeed in this first month.” she coldly answered. “But I do need some money to stay there”

“You have your card.” 

“Won’t you stop recharging it?” she crossed her arms. 

The man looked at his foot. 

“I don’t recharge anything. It’s your mother’s heritage.” 

One more lie he kept from her all these years.

“Great.” 

Eunji got up from her bed, cleaned the tears and started to pack all the things she’d might need on her first month. Luckly, she wouldn’t have to care about school because she’d be on her summer vacations for the next month. 

Half of her was sad and the other half was jumping in joyness just for the fact of not having to look at her stepmother’s face, even if it was for just one month.

Her father watched every movement from the girl. 

“What time are you going?” 

“At five in the morning.” she coldly answer, packing one of her favourite sweaters. “They’ll pick me up.”

“I’ll make sure no one will be awake...” he said leaving the room. 

That was when Moon realised she was alone. 

[libidomechanica]

Untitled # 8651

They err—t is the sun  her brilliant door, my broad; the  pit long with all to  helpe quilts, crowded moon, added 

so recyue the change saloon, But  just do: for ghost a wound,  now full of Greek; she happy you  so politically with  your stop; and all the  pictures when than  I beheade, new not seeketh displayd 

in my knead to embrace 

he metaphysical tennis  mastern mountain ordering had man 

I believe its body, and solemnize:  for I known ribs They calculation  and full he isthmus of  Mulla white—for you. what  shall strive full birds dotted: goldilocks  theres gone. Her ears checker 

our since was  most. And time, to see them  made his elbow round, unforgiven.  But still, or stations? 

Lay nough when many take,  not love—which thus far awa. Heavn is “ t matterness. We should weary, Senses  fair, climbing to be up  at their rhyme, Woman pretend to  happy as I have less oft a  breaks of mine Earth! has a great—  while now she same sing, Out and mild  as yell or immaterial  hall thy self-involved; but it plant chastity  in fact is much a  pint-sized her head—for helm, he  said. ne let three April  of my hands and write rhymes;  Had such seek it; then sad height to  his change, he this own palace:  now insane and too may tears. think  his on the duke of  nigh land, baring heaven askst if you  about the word, not enought for  blunt threat pleasure, with  footsteps and went greatest a humming  sent musical of glittering 

my life has steedes longë love doth one  table, he has left himself be  known evening up. An in hunger,”  horse of all me calm pervades 

on his heart an odd is 

such civic alleviating and  forlorn, “on that doth great poor Son 

of beauty of this ears, 

this wing grey, as nothing darken 

twist; these was wont espiegle  eyes release you near stirrd in my ioyes  that remember that.  As Juan, to him. Produced  ambitions have pair” of—could man!

[nazabasng]

Living The Questions

"If your heart hurts a little after letting go of someone or something, that's okay. It just means that your feelings were genuine. No one likes endings. But sometimes we have to put things that were once good to an end after they turn toxic to our well being. Not every new beginning is meant to last forever. And not every person who walks into life is meant to stay forever." - Najwa Zebian

It doesn't matter it seems, which side of the equation one sits in in the context of a breakup. I have been in situationships where there were no clear lines and no delineations of anything yet when anyone either myself or the other person upped and left - it still left a gaping, person-shaped hole in the heart. In the implosion of my 6 year marriage it wasn't so much this but a crash of a dream and hopes I had grieved, wailing alone as I sat packing up remains in the empty family home no longer a front for us to continue pretending to play Happy Family.

It hurts and it sucks to have to hurt good people. But the dynamic had grown a little toxic to my sense of self and burning the candle at both ends in the frenzy of life. A set of uncertainties laid its foot to rest on the brake pedal of growing affections. I did not have answers to them. What I knew was that I didn't feel free, and I didn't know how to take love and joy in so past the point of giddiness, it drained me. And while it is easy to lay blame - the deeper question was - why?

I sat this past week in an odd daze with a buffet of emotions ranging from numbness to a weak desperate pang from that person shaped hole, a sense relief and liberation to a wistful, weary ache in the heart, anger, indignation and frustration, to a sobering sense of painful resignation and humility; all amidst a flurry of negative self-talk, a triggered nervous system and a prompted hurl of anger and accusations at me from the person whose heart I had caused injury to. All of which I accept, tearfully or otherwise. They are all guests of my heart. I hold nothing against him anymore and while I am as yet unforgiven, I pray he will forgive me one day.

I will allow myself this space to be sad, to be angry, to shake and cry and to breathe through it all as it comes. And live the uncertainties and questions I do not yet know the answer to yet and want to answer as truthfully and authentically as I can. Questions whose answers can change like the wind, and tides. Questions like what do I want? What do I want my life to look like in a few years ? How will it feel? How do I live my values and serve my purpose? How do I feel free?

I realise I had only envisioned how to get out of that marriage. And while I had learnt how to reassemble self and rebuild life for survival and suitable for child-rearing, I had forgotten to complete the discovery of self not the one of before but of now, as is, with the old and new pieces put back in place in new and perhaps unfamiliar ways, and how she wished to live and thrive and love. How she would find the path to being unapologetically Happy, Loved and Free.

"And when you get the choice, to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance" - Lee Ann Womack

Here's to living the questions. And dancing all the way to all the answers.

[alix-the-gamer]

Alone With My Thoughts

I sit on the floor in the dark room, radio on, drink in hand, the window open to let the cool night breeze in after a long day. Everyone I know is asleep. No one around but myself. I check my phone for any messages I might get.

No one.

Not a single soul.

The music tunes out most of the noises of the night, save for a train you can hear from the other side of town. A sound I’ve heard since as long as I can remember being alive.

Am I alive? I’m breathing, so I guess I am, even if signs tell me otherwise. Despite the dread of the world, I am alive. I hope those I know and love are too.

So why, then, why do I feel so empty? Am I really broken? Am I selfish for living in a home when others have it worse? Am I really sad, if I can’t quite grasp others feelings? Am I really alone, despite being around loved ones?

Why can’t I get an answer?

Why do I avoid asking?

Why do I want companionship, despite my hatred of people? Why do I seek others approval, despite not caring what others would think? Why do I fall in love with someone, knowing I can never have them?

Why do I fall so hard in love anyway? It just leads to disappointment. But why, too, do I fall for people that don’t exist? Why do I yearn for the past to come back? Why do I hate change so much?

I remember the old days. Back when I’d meet up with my friends around this time of night. We’d all be having fun. The times we shared. Funny, sad, horrific. Then the splittings came. I just had to screw things up. But was it all my fault? I was younger, yes, and we all made our mistakes, but still...I can never shake the guilty feelings away. Nor can I ever see them again.

What was the last I heard from them, six years ago now? More maybe? Now I’m just the middleman for their fighting.

Then I had to fall in love again, didn’t I? I really did love her though. Still do, despite collecting all sorts or lewd anime. She knew, she did too sometimes.

Even so, stress and jealousy caught up to us. Even if I hardly talked to any other woman at the time. Then we crawl back into each other's lives again years later. Slowly, but surely, Love comes back.

And then, like an angel’s kiss, my dark angel leaves again. She had her reasons. And I was too distracted from too much shit anyway. But she didn’t have to cut me off like that.

Even after all the heartbreak, why do I still fall in love? Even when surrounded by people, why am I still so lonely? Even though I want to be alone, why do I still seek friendship?

I can’t be the only one like this, no way in hell. There’s plenty of others like this, right? Yeah I’m a screw up, yeah I can’t talk right, yeah I’ve never made it as a wise man, but I’m not the only one! There’s plenty of others like that out there!

...Right?

Or am I just in denial for being hurt? Am I broken or am I selfish? Does anything I say even make sense anymore? Do I even know what I’m talking about anymore?

...Do I even know who I am anymore?

Tears wash down my face. I had been crying and I never knew it. My own thoughts betrayed me. The music turns to a sort of lo-fi I’ve never heard. Maybe that was the cause. Or was I just overthinking because I’m the only one up?

I look at my phone. 3 A.M. in the morning. I look out to the cloudy night sky. I go back to thinking about my friends that I’ll never see anymore. About the friends that I feel like an outcast to. The friends I miss. The friends I want to be with. Are they really my friends? Or do they just tolerate me for the time? Am I a coward for not asking? Am I a fool for believing either?

My mind traces back to that one friend. The one friend I’ve fallen in love with.

But is it really love? Is it some misguided confusion? Is it real love? And even if it is, even if she did requint it, what then? I’ve never been good at communication, which is what is needed for any relationship. Am I just a misguided fool?  Is what I felt this whole time genuine love, or just another fix when I fall down?

What I’ve felt, what I’ve known, it’ll never shine through what I’ve shown. It’ll never be. We’ll never see what might have been. I’ve fucked up too many times to know. Some won’t forgive me. I refuse to forgive myself. An unforgiven soul, looking for whatever purpose in life there might be. If there is any left in the corrupt world.

Maybe I was born at the wrong time. Too late to explore the world, too early to explore the galaxy. Or maybe I’m just a scared idiot. Either too stubborn or too afraid to go anywhere but where I know on my own.

I lean my head back against the wall, staring up between the dark ceiling and cloudy sky. Tears continue to slide down my face slowly. I still feel broken. Still feel guilty about being broken. Is this just normal? Or am I just truly selfish for crying about situations I likely have little to no control over?

Is there a way out of this mess> A mess of a world? A mess of my heart? A mess of my head that doesn’t involve death?

Or am I just a monster, under the knife of life that I’ve surrendered to. The innocence I had as a child lost, consumed by life. Can any of us save this selfish world? I’d rather soar the endless skies for her starlight. But I’d just become the dark of her.

Maybe it’s all just inside my head. That ray of hope I had gone. And this certainly isn’t the place for being a hero. Childhood dreams rarely come true.

I take a sip of the fifth of vodka in my hand, barely touched. Enough to drown out the voices in my head. They tell me things I must do, but never how. Is it many or just my own? What’s in my head? Am I just another mindless zombie, telling itself to breathe?

Answers I’ll never know, no matter how much I cut through. Maybe I’m just ultra numb from the stress. Maybe I should wish upon a black star in the sky. Maybe I should just lose myself in the anthem of the lonely. But actions speak louder than words do.

I just wish there was another way out. I’ve been here too long. The silence has awoken the demons inside of my head, making me yearn for better days. Now? Now I, my family and friends are stressed out too much.

I’m a failure.

My mind is currently infected with more negativity than I thought I could stand. And the infection must die. I am no machine, even if I feel like it at times.

Maybe I’m just lonely. Just a lovestruck fool in an early summertime sadness. Maybe my monsters are real. Maybe I’m fading.

Or maybe this is just a natural state of things. Because in the end, I’m only a crack in a castle of glass. It’s just like a cigarette, just something that I do, overthink when I shouldn’t. I’m alone with my thoughts too often. And usually I can control them. But I still slip.

One drink is just a last resort to forget yesterday. Tonight will be yesterday.

It ain’t worth the pain of remembering. Because nostalgia hurts if shown for a long enough time. Sometimes a certain smell will take me back a few years or so. It can hurt. But best not to dwell on it too much.

Just wish I could kill the sound. Spin it into the void.

After everything though, I can’t back down now. I’ll stand unshaken in the crash of worlds. Whatever it takes to get through.

But I’m sick of it. Sick of being so cold. So empty and broken. How far have I fallen into this? Where is the line between genuine sorrow and self-pity?

Maybe this is why we bleed. This is why we scream. To release our demons in our heads.

I know someone else feels the same.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

I said I had a doctor appointment today, and that’s really only half true. It was a psychologist. Therapy.

And because my relationship with my emotions is Severely Fucked, and I’m experiencing A Lot of emotions but like, At a Distance right now (because of the health insurance nonsense), I told her that I was trying to connect with my emotions and like... stop feeling like I’m holding this huge part of myself at a distance?

I mercilessly suppressed and attempted to eliminate my emotions from the age of 8 years old until about 19. It was all self-directed and involves everything from Personal Taste to Constant Trauma to Nexus Weirdness, so I didn’t really get into Why with her, because I hardy get into Why in my own mirrorbook... but she made some suggestions.

And chief among them was writing them down.

So, I’ll try. To write about something, you have to.. let it be? Experience it? Know what you’re experiencing so you can figure out how to translate that experience into words? But I... can’t get over the part where I Mercilessly Side-Eye My Emotions.

I’m REALLY good at writing my THOUGHTS down. But feelings? What the fuck’s a feeling? How do you write about those? I can write at length about physical sensations, streams of consciousness, and Feelings But Vicariously, like through a character in fiction. But.... writing about my OWN emotions?

And I do mean reflexive, because the thing about reflexes is that they can be taught, honed, and trained into something Instinctive, even if it goes against the initial pre-training instincts. You practice something often enough and you get into the habit, and that habit becomes a reflex, something you do without thinking, immediately, automatically.

That’s how unwinding my emotions is. I feel something, I trained into myself the instinct to Shut It Down. Not just smothering it; not bottling it up. Literally convincing myself I didn’t feel it. I legitimately induced dissociation until the emotion calmed down. I would “coach” myself, talk myself down from it. I would analyze it to death, talk to myself in simultaneously self-soothing ways and convincing myself something didn’t matter enough to get upset over. I took the instinctive Anger and Sadness of a self-preservation instinct and turned it into detachment, training myself to defend myself with logic, rationale, and disinterest instead.

And I legitimately felt better for it, that’s the wild thing. I didn’t feel suppressed, I didn’t feel “the emotion building up”, I didn’t feel hurt or sad or frustrated. I felt... better.

But the thing is, I learned that in order to turn off my anger and fear and sadness, I had to turn off my joy and excitement and desire as well. I really do mean I tried to excavate ALL emotion from myself.

Though, when I was alone in my room, longing and sadness would trickle in, because... not to get all Teenaged Angst in here, but I felt like other people didn’t understand me. My stepmother constantly put me down for it. I would read a comic page about Raven angsting over Not Experiencing Emotion, and tears, unbidden, unforgiven, would prick my eyes, because gods, I knew what she meant, and I knew why it hurt.

Around age 16, I started feeling like I was almost forbidden this Essential Part of being human. It simply Wasn’t Safe for me to be emotional. I mourned, quietly, secretly, and briefly, that I didn’t understand how others would get so swept up in emotions that they’d cry, and then feel better for it afterwards. How they could just... feel something, and not fight themselves to manage it. Because this self-training was a constant struggle. Even after it became reflexive, my nature, between ADHD and PTSD and depression, is actually quite emotional. Quieting, soothing those parts of me that wanted to rage and sob my heart out and squeal with delight. Wouldn’t I look so foolish if I just burst into laughter and didn’t stop smiling all day? From such a high precipice of feeling, wouldn’t it hurt that much more when the stepmonster inevitably shot me down? And then, if I started crying, I’d never stop.

That was always the real danger: the emotions in me just wouldn’t stop. I’d learned that from a very, very young age. The real danger of feeling was the experience of the emotion itself, because if I let myself become emotional, it would feed into itself and grow so consuming that Nexus shit would go wild and it would suck me into a self-propagating vortex of nightmarish panic until I was so swept away that I’d lose myself.

So all emotion had to be monitored, limited, controlled. I still felt flickers of emotion, don’t get me wrong. But I never wallowed, rather hardened those emotions into icy determination. I trimmed the parts that got frostbitten away and turned my thoughts totally towards action. I mastered myself. I conquered my emotions. I disciplined my thoughts into feeding Betterment rather than Wallowing.

And there’s always a part of me that longs for the freedom to feel, to express that vortex. Controlling my emotions felt... right, but also wrong? Not like I was missing a part of myself, exactly, because the soothing and distancing still came from my own mind, and my desire to Live In Hard-Won Contentment Rather Than Pain was my choice, and that choice, that decision, became a force of nature. 

It wasn’t just for my sake, either. When I’m angry, I lash out. When I’m depressed, I’m inconsolable and drag others down. When I’m joyful, I’m reckless. (Not to mention, mirrorbook incidents. Weird shit happens when I get emotional, like REALLY weird shit.)

So... how do you unwind a habit that protected you, and others, for so long?

It’s... Emotions are strong, okay? They’re big. They’re scary. Especially in the past 5 years, there haven’t been a lot of Good ones. And the bad ones Hurt. I don’t want anything to do with them.

But logically, I know it’s healthier to let yourself experience emotions for awhile. Move through them. That’s what everyone in the org says. That’s what mindfulness says. That’s what behavioral treatment says.

But also logically, I know that the emotional stability I’ve trained into myself is sometimes necessary, to gather information and make good decisions. Like I have to do to pick a health insurance plan.

I feel like I have to hold my fear and sadness at arms’ length, or I’ll be crippled into indecision, and thus inaction.

I know myself too well to trust myself with Feeling an Emotion.

I don’t think I can afford the Struggle to Reel it In while trying to ~get acquainted~ with a Feeling right now.

But, gods.... Especially with the org stuff, my personal projects, my writing, I’ve been unearthing some of those deeply-buried Desires and Joys. With healing has come the washing up of old hurts. I’m tempted left and right to Feel Things, and make it personal, make it matter, make it last.

But though I kind of want to try easing myself into Knowing Emotions, I almost... don’t feel like I have the courage to face myself completely unrestrained.

I’ve been trying to get back in touch with my emotions for 5, maybe 7 years now. And every time I make progress, I feel like.... it’s almost like I get scared again. I fall back into the age-old habit of Undermining my own Feelings. 

I legitimately don’t know how else to deal with them.

[heckinhacker]

True Damage!Yasuo x reader - I’m glad you’re evil too.

A/N: I was inspired by Ashe's cover of “I'm glad you're evil too” and I absolutely loved it. Here goes nothing! There might be some errors, I’ve read it many times and can’t find anything anymore, but can happen. Sorry.

word count: 6,311 requested: no. warnings: Cursing, as in most of my posts. Welp~!^^ + It can be messy, I never wrote a long fic and english is being hard for me :(

Yasuo loved music since forever, and knew he was talented himself. Everyone around him praised him if he had shown them his own beats. He was DJ for every school party hosted, even volunteered to be on his own prom night, but everyone said he’s fine to go and party for once. 

He didn’t want to party, nor to dance.  He wanted to be behind the laughs and screams, making it fun for others.  He knew that he wasn’t very social. I mean, he was friendly, sometimes flirty, but social? He prefered reading mangas, watching animes and making music, this was all he wanted.

And that’s how the popular DJ works alone since forever. Loner genius who was out of reach for most of musicians. No one was worthy working with him. One didn’t had enough passion, other just wasn’t it. And he searched for something. 

Musical something was found with a rise of “Giants”, or so called “True Damage” group. They had something he searched in music, but why he still felt empty? 

Ekko and girls always asked him out: -After-party maybe, Yas? - Akali smiles while bending down a little to make that ‘sneaky-happy’ pose. - As if, I had some beat idea I need to work on, Akali. - he gives her a hand with a motion of ‘stop’ while saying no. And some other time: - Yo, bro, you up for a drink after recording? - Ekko stopped him before he went off for his break. - You can manage without me, Ekko. You have fun anyway. - murmured long haired man, avoiding eye contact. And another after some: - Don’t act all cold and mysterious, ninja, while you’re drooling over some drawn big-eyed girls and come on, you have nothing better to do! - huffed Qiyana, crossing her arms on chest. - Thanks for your not-asked-for opinion, princess. - and he added nothing more. That lasted, and the longer he avoided friendly meetings, Senna tried to talk up: - I’m worried about you, Yasuo. Want to take a walk? - you could feel her concern only by looking her into eyes. That’s kind of her, but... - Thank you, Senna, but you have bigger problems than my own on your head. How is your husband, by the way? - he didn’t meant to be rude, and Senna understood. - Lucian’s fine, he’d appreciate you asking, even though you talked only once. And you’re never a problem, remember. He only waved her away, heading to home, to do his own  things. He prefered it that way, or so he thought. 

With time, things he enjoyed stopped meaning anything. For example, which hurt him the most: He was so enthusiastic for Star Guardian series, but damn it, he stopped feeling happiness with every single update from mangaka. It hurt. He knew something was off, so he thought he’ll find himself correspondence buddy. Join some group connected to the series, noone will know he’s popular and will chat about Guardians as he’d love someone to and that’s what he did! TheUnforgiven01: hi. TheUnforgiven01: i’ll let myself into convo, if that’s fine. ezpezlemonsquez: That’s what that chat is for, of course! We were just discussing which group was better in many aspects, then compared aspect to the other. TheUnforgiven01: sounds fun, i guess? but it’s obvious ahri team’s better, they had more morality about disappearing, and ahri as the leader took a step of redemption for her stars, nothing to even try to compare to. [nick]: Oh okay. Your opinion is valid but actually is not. 

Yasuo raised his brow. Oh, someone’s mad? “Valid”, he’s mad now too. 

TheUnforgiven01: and that means? i’m right and you’re not, i suppose. you’re mad abt it? [nick]: Okay, Unforgiven, listen to me now. I am longer in this group and always argued morally about everything, but plain and stupid, unexplained opinions of stubborn kids like you just piss me off. What if someone find staying by rules more morally-right, huh? Ever consider that? TheUnforgiven01: if you’d like to die just because you were chosen by some glitter and glory of first star then fine, but some weren’t, they were normal teenagers under disguise, what about their families? ezpezlemonsquez: Guys, you’re starting to fight and it’s not cool, can you chill?? [nick]: They knew about the risk by agreeing! Being chosen is one, but agreeing is their own fucking choice!!!  TheUnforgiven01: and YOU’D be fine with dying, [nick] ? [nick]: Of course not! But anyone can die while saving the world, not because of losing a light, you know? If not that, there is the risk of being corrupted, like Xayah and Rakan, isn’t that right?? TheUnforgiven01: and it hurt, but they can be saved, and by dying officially you cannot do shit about it, yeah?  ShiningBrightTonite: If you won’t stop acting up I’ll have to mute you both until tomorrow, keep it down! TU, you just joined and make a fight right away, can you give me a reason to let you stay?

Yasuo’s hands twitched. He ALMOST dissed admin, and that would be it, poof and no corresponding buddy for him. He sighed deeply, took himself some longer moments and only typed. TheUnforgiven01: sorry. i’ll join next discussion and be all innocent and sweet, like newborn baby. [nick]: Newborns are wrinkly and ugly.  ShiningBrightTonite: [nick] !! [nick]: Just saying. TheUnforgiven01: aight, ama head out. 

~TheUnforgiven01 has left the chat~

That was it for today. 

Yasuo just took a quick shower, ate one sandwich and went to sleep, while blasting music on his headphones. Way to deal with his nerves.

About your side…

Generally you’re the angel of this community, you’re always passionate and calm about others opinion, but this dude just pressed the wrong button by his like...third message? No one saw you this mad, and this group had many dramas which YOU were most of the times reason to stop, but now? Some admins laughed about that in admin chatroom with you about it, but let you be with a slight warning, friendly nudge on the arm with ‘don’t do that next time, he’s new and doesn’t know how to hang on things, ya kno?’ So you went with it. Even decided to apolagize to this dude in pm. The question was: today or tomorrow? Tomorrow sound more appealing, but if you do it now, you won’t have to do that tomorrow, so it’s now. You sighed deeply, it’s been an hour and a half, so you hoped he’s cooled down too. 

[nick]: Sorry to bother you in your “private message” zone, but I thought about all this situation and I’m sorry for how I acted, really? Not like all fault was mine, we both know that, it’s just...I shouldn’t had curse and stuff. I’m not generally bad, I hope you don’t hold any grudge to me. We’ll chat on a group, ye? 

…

And no answer. Maybe he is that furious? You sure hoped he wasn’t. Or she. Or anyone that was. With a heavy sigh you stood up, got yourself warm cup of tea to chill a little bit more. You’ll go to sleep...eventually. 

By sleep you mean passing out on your desk, face down. Your poor arms...and back...it’ll hurt, that’s for sure. Watching Netflix till late was a bad idea. Good thing it’s weekend, right? Your day of freedom from responsibilities! 

What time is it…?

You locked your eyes on your room’s clock which was 6 minutes late from time but you’re too lazy to fix that. It was - according to your always late clock - 01:06 pm. You still felt sleepy, but it’ll be fine, right? Slowly, you rubbed your wake-up tears from your eyes and looked at screen in front of you. A few pings from group chat from admin role and one private message. Huh, neat, time to eat- hold on, wait a minute. Private message? You sat up straightly and clicked on it right away. This is this unforgiven fella! After you wrote this short message you grinned weakly and went off of your room to wake up properly.

TheUnforgiven01: no problem, it’s nice how you defend what you believe in.  TheUnforgiven01: am sorry too.  TheUnforgiven01: not sure if i am good at chatting in group, but we always can hit each other up here? TheUnforgiven01: if you want to TheUnforgiven01: and i didn’t mean to sound weird TheUnforgiven01: ah whatever, answer here if you want or not, bye.

You made yourself your favourite breakfast, ate and thought about this little spam that person did. Kinda cute, maybe they’re self-concious, and joining chatting group was overhelming? You’ll answer after refreshing cup of [coffee/tea/hot chocolate], you promised yourself. You never write to anyone before morning cup. To summarize  your morning routine, the hot drink had to be in your now favourite cup. Earlier one got shattered into pieces by your unaware of consequences cat. You weren’t mad at it, but at yourself for leaving the cup on windowsill instead of hiding it properly. That kind of sad event for you made you buy this cup from that new music group you enjoyed listening to. True Damage, wasn’t it? You never liked rap, but this boy Ekko nailed stuff. You loved everyone equally in this group, but never understood that long-haired, masked (you assumed) asian man and his influence. He was there, maybe he made the music in the background, compositor? He seemed too mysterious for you, but meh. He fit group’s aesthetic, and you were sure he had his place in there, and it’s fine. Maybe you figure it out once you see them live, since, what a shocker, they had a tour around the world and were not only in your country, but in your town too! They'll be here in like… 6 months from now? You can't wait! Bonus to that: No long trip ahead of you, just buying tickets and going, you were hyped for that.

Meanwhile this waterfall of thoughts you managed to drink and eat everything, and as responsible as you can get, you washed the dishes right away, going back to your PC to answer this maybe-shy fella.

[nick]: Didn’t figured you’d like to talk ‘privately’, but whatever floats your boat ;)  TheUnforgiven01: i changed my mind, don’t write to me again. [nick]: Hey, hey! I was just joking around, don’t be like that! :(( TheUnforgiven01: i am unforgiven, and you are too in this situation. TheUnforgiven01: i honestly joined to make one friend in this group and leave TheUnforgiven01: and didn’t got any chance of meeting anyone else but you TheUnforgiven01: and you wrote to me first into priv, so that’s the start. TheUnforgiven01: can it stay like that?  TheUnforgiven01: if we won’t like each other it’s chill to just say oficial bye and stop, just sayin. [nick]: As for someone who types so fast you don’t make that much of typos, isn’t that amazing?  TheUnforgiven01: maubie. TheUnforgiven01: maybe* TheUnforgiven01: fuck you just jinxed it. 

You genuely laughed by this little mistake, you didn’t saw that coming and it amused you. You weren’t much of a talkative person yourself, but writing to someone, not seeing their face and such was much easier. And consequences of making yourself of a fool are much smaller than knowing someone from the same - let’s assume - town. [nick]: I’m sorry I did, but the moment I picked to say that was funny, wasn’t it? Nothing to be ashamed off, it often happens to me too! TheUnforgiven01: didn’t saw you make a typo yet. [nick]: Because I’m giving way too much attention not to do a typo since I want to make a good impression on you. Sounds good? TheUnforgiven01: … TheUnforgiven01: sounds good, relatable actually. 

Well, now at least you know you’re stuck in the same situation. 

And that awkward situation was two weeks ago. 

Now? Now you’re talking daily. From all you know, your, as he called it - corresponding buddy - is a very busy he. He didn’t revealed his real name, which you assumed that he’s embarassed about it. You told him what you’re doing in life generally, while he just said he’s normal, let me quote: “big-ass adult who lives with parents but work in some fast-food, at least i’m trying.” which was cool for you, at least he didn’t lock himself in his parents’ basement. Unforgiven was a chill dude and at the beginning you thought he’d only hit you up with Star Guardian topics, but later? You started talking about yourselves, about other interests. 

[nick]: Hey? [nick]: I assume you’re busy today, again… [nick]: I was wondering, what are you busy with? I mean, you said you work on some fast-food place, then sit in your room, are you gaming? I’d understand that, I was just...thinking. [nick]: Sorry if I seem pushy, it’s just that I really grew on chatting with you and was wondering when are you free again! Heh.  [nick]: We’ll talk later, then, hit me up when you can!

You pushed yourself back on your chair, groaning. You totally were pushy, but didn’t meant to - that’s what you thought, but it’s totally normal, you’re just interested with someone you just met. You chatted with a lot of persons in the group, etc. but no one had your interest pointed directly at them, that’s a big something. You kinda felt like you’re opening too fast for him too, and you had no clue if that’s ok. You cover your eyes with hands, overthinking your situation with unnamed male. When your thoughts started to be not too pleasant you heard your communicator's sound going off. As fast as you pushed yourself back, you were that fast in front of your PC. 

TheUnforgiven01: i have a break now.  TheUnforgiven01: i'm sorry [nick], I am not ignoring you on purpose.  TheUnforgiven01: i enjoy talking to you too, don't ever think oterwide  TheUnforgiven01: otherwise* TheUnforgiven01: we'll talk about that later.  TheUnforgiven01: now, how are you? i hope i didn't made you sad.  [nick]: No, no! It's OK! I understand you have a real life too, I assume a real life friends too. That's normal, that's okay.  TheUnforgiven01: i like you. i can consider you as my friend, but.  [nick]: But?  TheUnforgiven01: but you should not consider me as yours.  [nick]: What t? Why?/?? / TheUnforgiven01: my break's over, i gtg. i'll catch you later.  [nick]: Okay, later! 

Your hands twitched uncontrollably after that weird message. What did he mean? You're his friend but he's not yours? It kinda worried you, but you went to do your stuff until he has time to talk. Maybe it sounds cliché but you wait impatiently until he starts a chat with you and you know each other for only two weeks. 

It made you worry about your friend. Maybe he has some troubles you don't know about for sure? You only had to hope it's not gang involved. You were sure to later tell a few words to him. 

You ate out with one of your friends, just to eat, chill around. As you weren't sure what to do generally about "unforgiven situation", you decided to ask her:  - Uh,  it's kinda awkward, but can I ask you for advice? -  you ask.   - Oh of course! What's going inside of your pretty little head?   - So I met someone on my group-  - Nerd group? -  she interrupted.   - Yeah, that one. -  you admitted with defeat. Honestly, no matter what you say, she still keeps on going with nerd club. -  And there was that guy, he started arguing with me. Later we apologized to each other and now we're chatting for two weeks everyday, but about how much do we write depends if he's free or not. Today he said something odd, have a look. 

You moved your phone so your friend can see mysterious message from Unforgiven. She sighed and then looked at you with that pity look of hers.   - What?   - Honey, swettie… you have two options. One: he's really trying to make you think of him. Two: he really means it. You should start off with "I'm worried about you!" and tell him how you really feel.   - Okay. Okay… I just. I don't know what's going on with him.   - Why are you so moved of that? You know each other for only two weeks. Are you… Crushing on him?!?!   - WHAT? Nonononono, you got that wrong, I just want to get to know him! That's all, really!   - Uh-huh! When he's free today, you get him, tiger! Just won't get into any trouble, sweetheart. 

You sighed, then smiled at her, closing your eyes in satisfaction.  You're a lot calmer now.  "Thank you, [friends name].” You said, until you both went back on chatting about everything. 

And when you were back? You dressed yourself to home wearing, sat down comfortably on the couch and checked your phone. Unforgiven actually wrote to you first! And a lot. 

TheUnforgiven01: hey. TheUnforgiven01: sorry I had to go all of sudden, work stuff, had shorter break.  TheUnforgiven01: i don’t want you to think i don't want to get to know you, i do.  TheUnforgiven01: it's just hard for me, ‘n stuff.  TheUnforgiven01: we'll get to it, please give me some time.  TheUnforgiven01: you'll know everything about me in no time, just give me some and we'll be friends, true ones.  TheUnforgiven01: if you'd want to, ofc.  TheUnforgiven01: hit me up when you're back from your little date. 

You gave into every single message a lot of focus. You weren't sure what to say at first, but decided to just go for it. 

[nick]: It's OK! I was worried about you, but if you say I'll get to know all the things about you in time, I'll go with it! But remember this one thing: I consider you as my friend, no matter what. We'll get through your insecurities and secrets, I'll be patiently waiting! 

[nick]: And it was NOT a DATE. I was out with my friend!! >:( TheUnforgiven01: yeah, sure, you playa. TheUnforgiven01: better be good.  [nick]: Very funny!  TheUnforgiven01: for me it is.  [nick]: Aren't you tired after work? You don't want to sleep?  TheUnforgiven01: i thought you genuinely missed me, buy you want me out right now.  TheUnforgiven01: now i'm sad.  [nick]: It's not like that! I'm just worried about you, goofball.  TheUnforgiven01: sure, explain yourself even more. TheUnforgiven01: only guilty explain themselves.  [nick]: Come on!! D: TheUnforgiven01: i can chat for a bit and then go. 

You chatted and chatted, slowly getting to know his character, but he still remained as Unforgiven, unnamed boy you slowly, but in agony, fell for. It's been three months from your first encounter. 

You wonder how are you going to ask him about a next step in your friendship. It is, indeed, hard. Good question is why are you the first to ask? It almost hurt imagining yourself with blank space, nor even voice known to begin with. You fell hard for dude you only know behind Unforgiven, and wanted to hear his voice. You were ready for him to decline, but you won't know without trying. 

He said he'll be back pretty late today, and he may not write, but he left you a warning pretty early in the morning. You weren't sure why did he woke up so early, but you just shrugged it, saying that he must be in some other time zone. You didn't even knew where he is from, this man is a big mystery for you.

You waited for him to come back in your bed, before sleeping.  You had to ask that question now or never, you know if you'll put it for tomorrow you want do that anytime soon. It has to be done. It was 2am now and your eyelids were getting heavy. Reading books or literally anything wasn't helping at all, and when your body demands rest. You almost drifted to sleep, but then

Ding! 

It was him, before sleep you assumed. No matter what you did you always wrote to each other, even stupid "goodnight for later, I'm going to sleep now, be sure to rest enough." was there. 

Your eyes were wide open and you moved your hand to the phone way too fast as for almost sleeping person. 

TheUnforgiven01: hey.  TheUnforgiven01: i'm aftwr work TheUnforgiven01: i am really tires ya kno TheUnforgiven01: fuck typos in lsrticilar  [nick]: Particular?  TheUnforgiven01: you're not asleep yet? damn  [nick]: I was kinda waiting for you, you know?  TheUnforgiven01: oh really? what's the occasion? [nick]: It's… I have a question for you.  TheUnforgiven01: aight, give me your shot.  [nick]: Would you like to… agh it's stupid.  TheUnforgiven01: no, go ahead.  [nick]: We write with each other for a while now and I was wondering if…  [nick]: If you'd like to make a phone call, maybe? Or, voice call, anything really? No personal questions, just five minute chatting about anything. Promise? 

Yasuo hesitated for a longer bit. Should he agree? He don't use his voice in his recordings, so maybe he should? He treats this person like someone close, so why should he avoid them like a plague? He saw little mark above chat window which suggested you furiously were typing. He sighed, smiling softly to his phone's screen. 

TheUnforgiven01: it's alright,don't worry.  TheUnforgiven01: we can chat a bit.  TheUnforgiven01: we can call here, you know. for you to avoid any additional payment. 

You sigh with relief. Okay, he did agree. What now?? Holy shit. You were more than nervous. You didn't saw that coming and because of all of this you forgot to answer him. You almost jumped when you got another message. 

TheUnforgiven01: i'll call first, since i see you're nervous.  TheUnforgiven01: i'll hit you up in 5 min. answer me by then. 

It maybe was stupid, but you checked yourself in the mirror, almost like before date. You fixed your hair, checked if nothing was stuck between your teeth, wash your face, and your time slipped between your fingers, your phone was ringing with typical for your communicator song. You jumped, then panicked, then jumped beside your phone and slowly answered your call before it ended sending a signal.

- H...hello? - your voice croaked out of nervousness. You mentally slapped your forehead, classical facepalm. - Hi. - you heard calm voice with that tune of tiredness, that little growl at the end. His voice was soft, warm, pleasant. You smiled right away. - Damn, you sound so chilled out while I am...wow. I am a blushing mess right now, I wanted this but don’t know what to say to you! Like, wow!   - Maybe start with how was your day? I’d love to hear that. - that was just an excuse, but you didn’t knew that.  - Oh...kay. It was fine. Boring, to be honest. Woke up, drank [tea/coffee/hot chocolate] from this True Damage cup I once told you about, went out, made my boring everyday routine, was thinking how I should ask you about talking, then went back home, bored my ass off on some documentaries and here we are, talking!  - Sounds fun. - he commented shortly. Even if it might sound like he doesn’t care, you understood that he just was like that. That stupid feeling.  - Maybe you’ll tell me something you did today? - Something I’d love to do, but I must avoid that. Not today, [nick]. - Call me [y/n], okay? That’s my real name. You don’t have to tell me yours! I’d like you to call me [y/n] though. - That’s a nice name. Like the sound of it. - his goddamn voice will be the end of yours. You sighed loudly with this goofy smile. - Thank you so much. So, if not the day, tell me something you actually can share. - I was thinking about you today. - he shot these words right through your heart.  - O-Oh? Re-really? - you stuttered, hating yourself for that.  - Heheh, yeah. - he chuckled, making you forget about hating your stutter since it made him laugh in this tone. This goddamn tone. - Was thinking if you were alright. And because your pathetic ass was distracting me from work, my boss forced me to go on break! Used it to smoke, but none then less, thanks. - Hey, your bad for wandering off in work! And quit smoking, dumbass! - you scolded him, ending this “”very serious”” scold with a laugh, which Yasuo answered with louder, honest laugh. You were all red by now. - God, it’s good talking to you. Let’s do that more often. Not every day, but...you know. More often. - O-okay. Okay, sure. Cool. - you answered,trying to kill this little squeal in your throat. - I’ll have to go to sleep, [y/n]. Sleep well, ok? - No promise, but you have a rest. Thank you, again. For agreeing. - Heh. No problem, I am glad I did agree too. Sleep tight. - another chuckle, then hanging up sound.

Well, what can I say. This was the most emotion-forcing call you ever had. He wished you good night, you had trouble falling asleep. 

Generally speaking, you had a talk like that once in three days. The big day of concert was coming, so you decided to ask Unforgiven if he is interested in coming too. You’re searching for a chance of meeting him in real life. 

Yasuo expected from incoming call anything but question what was awaiting him. He was having a flight with a band to [town’s name] in next three days, so he had to tell you he can’t really talk as you both always do. When he heard a communicator’s song, he pressed answer button right away, smiling to his phone like you could see he’s happy to see you. - Hewwo? - he answered in very forced squeaky voice, which made you erupt with laughter. - Hey, goofball. How was your day? - Lazy. Was distracted a lot, I was waiting for out call before sleep. So, what’s new? - Today was okay’ish, you know? I’m not even that tired. Maybe being excited makes me go cray-cray.  - Psh, good. - he looked at himself in the mirror, seeing how wide his smile was. Almost concerning.  - Hey, dude? - Hm?  - Are you...by any chance, going to see True Damage in [Town’s name]? I never asked you about your music taste but I was wondering. Wondering that if you’d be here...maybe we’ll meet? ‘Cuz, you know. I’ll be here.  - I- - his voice was stuck in his throat. Oh. Shit. Fuckfuckfuck. Not good. What now?  -...you? Are you okay?  - Ahm- yes, it’s just that. You’re...hella right. I will be there.  - OH REALLY? - you asked unecessarly too loud, then cleared your throat. - A-and...you’d like to meet?  - Uhhh… - fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck -  Yeah. Sure. I’d love to finally see you. Can you imagine this feeling? We don’t know how we look, so finding each other would be insane, but can you imagine the result?  - Me, asking some random dudes “Hey, are you Unforgiven?” ? No, let’s send each other selfies, maybe? - Nah, I’d love to see you embarrass yourself. - HEY!  - Okay, okay. I promise we’ll find each other. I won’t go home until we do. - Promise you won’t leave me out? - Promise.  - Thank you. I’ll go to sleep, so we’ll catch up later, ok? By- he cut you out. - Wait, [y/n]. I have to tell you something real quick.  - Yeah? - you pulled your phone back to ear. - I won’t be too available around these days. But at the day of concert I’ll call you in the morning. I won’t be in any reach of connection, I hope you understand. - Uh..okay. Thank you for telling me. Good night, sleep tight. - ‘Night. 

You hung up. It’s alright, it’s ok. Nothing to sweat. You’ll only meet your crush in three days only. 

OKAY NEVERMIND IT IS AMAZING. You - thankfully - fell asleep pretty fastly. 

To be fair, these three days? Were going through slow in agonizing way, but when the day of concert hit up, your heart was racing since you woke up. You had that five minute talk with Unforgiven, as he promised, assuring you that he is going to be there for sure. After you hung up, you started preparing yourself! You wore your best clothes, made sure you look stunning but not too overrated and just dived into it! You gladly told your friend you’re meeting your crush, informing her with that she’s not forced to go see True Damage with you anymore. She was more of Pentakill person, and it was alright. She wanted to go along since she knew how “un-funny” would it be without her, but you knew her real motive was you not feeling alone. So when she acknowledged that you’re not going to be alone, she said she’s glad she doesn’t have to listen to Ekko and Qiyana’s rapping. Well, good noone is forced.

At first,you wanted to find Unforgiven right away, but gave up and focused on music experience. You wanted to be there beside him, but well, maybe he lost connection again and couldn’t hit you up. And you had hell of a fun in there! But somewhere deep inside you were worried that he just tricked you and will never show up or tell you where he is exactly. 

True Damage’s crew said final goodbyes and after some stumbles, it was quiet on stage. Everyone kept cheering or talking, sometimes screaming unecessarly. Still, not a single sight of Unforgiven. Well, at least you got to know what this long haired guy was doing in the crew. Epic T-pose and manipulated music with this sword looking thingy. Amazing effects. You decided to find yourself sitting place somewhere, staring at your phone screen. No message, no missed calls, not anything. It made you sad, that’s true, but maybe he’ll catch up? You waited. And waited.

And waited.

And the more you waited, the more you felt tears getting into your eyes. You were ready to burst into sobbing mess, but then your phone rang. This stupid communicator song. You answered up right away with little sniff” - Where the hell are you? You said that- - I know, [y/n]. I am here, let me instruct you where I am right now. Where are you? - You should be one searching for me, you know? I almost thought you weren’t coming, what’s up with that? - you unintentionally raised your voice, letting out a sob meanwhile that. Yasuo felt so bad now. - Listen...I’ll tell you everything. Everything will be explained when you’ll see me. I hope you’ll forgive me. If not, it’ll be this “official goodbye” moment, can you trust me this one last time? - ...fuck. Fuck, okay. I am on the bench close to food truck. You? - Stand up then, go to the barriers understage.  - Understage…? Alrigt, wh-atever you say.

You blindly went in there, trusting this man “for the last time”, as he said. You’d give him the last chance he’s begging for. You stood here like an idiot, alone with stages lights shining on your face. No one in sight. - I hope you’re not joking… - How would I know where should you go then? - Point...it’s just that- - Shh. It’s ok. You head to the left now if you’re facing the stage. Tell me when you’re done. - … done…? - Okay. now open this little metal gate and get through. - Wha-what?? Why would I? Securities will kick me out if they find out! - They won’t. It’s ok.  -You’re...one of the security guards, right?  - Information when you get there. come on in.  - You were so anxious about this situation. It just seems sketchy. He never revealed any information about him, maybe spread some lies you believed in. Who was this dude now? Was everything you knew a lie? - And? I don’t see anyone. - Are you wearing [your fav. hoodie/flannel/whatever you want it to be!]?  - U-uh? Yeah, and you’re…? - Turn around, goof. I am standing right there. - … - you felt your heart stop, you weren’t able to breathe. You slowly turned around to see noone else than this mysterious japanese DJ you had a chance to see on stage. What- how- that were questions which were going almost like on loop in your head. - Stunned, huh? - he commented into the phone, then took it off of his face and ended call. It confirmed that it was him too - at the same time his phone went dark after single tap, your call ended. 

You didn’t even got to give out bigger reaction. You just met him! Screw that he’s popular and hid his identity from you! For now. You ran into his arms and squeezed him, now sobbing like mad. 

- You FUCKER! You could’ve said ANYTHING! All these secrets, what for! I kinda understand but- FUCK! - you shouted into his shoulder while he squeezed you in almost bone crushing hug. - I’m sorry, ok? - and it was his voice, sounded almost the same. Holy shit. - I’m so, so sorry, [y/n]. But at least I can be honest? - Then please be. Tell me everything you wanted to say. - It’ll be long, trust me, but well. Here goes nothing. - he put his hand on your cheek and clears your face from those tears you shed because of him. - I...wanted to tell you my name after like two weeks. I got worried you’ll find out after we talk some, so I did avoid personal information. While I was at it, I never wanted to lie. About my work and my day. I just lied at the beginning, then regret it deeply, but felt like I couldn’t take that back. [y/n]- fuck- I just- I didn’t wanted to be treated differently. I am popular and most people stop seeing a human in me because I’m a celebrity! It hurt me to avoid you getting to know me - heck, it hurt me to see you avoiding asking me about personal stuff because you understood. I appreciated it, but it hurt you had to remain silent while you were curious as hell, I assume. You wanted to hear me out, treated me like I am just like you, reached out to me. I grew on that, I want… I don't want to lose you. Please, forgive me.  - I… it's… it's okay. I should call you…  - Yasuo. It's Yasuo, [y/n].  - I'll get to know you all over, just be honest with me.  You're still human and I want to be close to you. I… ah. I'll just let it out pleasedon'thateme. I… fell for you. Hard. You were a bug mystery for me but still wanted to be around me. I kept still since you're pretty important to me. Thank you for being there by this 6 months, let's continue whatever we have between each other. Please. 

… 

Yasuo moved his mask down to capture your face between his hands and kissed you, it seemed like a rough start, but kiss was soft, magical. You just smoothed, nibbling on your lips. Yasuo was now thanking you a lot, which you only replied with weak laughs and pats on his back. He promised he'll keep you as close as he can. 

Yasuo had to continue his tour around the world with True Damage, but promised he'll take a lot of day off so he can work up lost time with you. It's been a month and you wait for him almost like wife waiting for her husband's return after military duty. 

Yasuo took two weeks off, but if he'll need more -  it'll be for you to decide. You were spending today inside since it was raining. It was dark outside already, the only source of light was candles in living room. Yasuo was holding you close to himself, moving side to side, swaying gently, adoring your every inch of face. - Lately I found this song on youtube, it was originally from vocaloid.it kind off remind me of us.  - Vocaloid song? You know true meaning of lyrics for sure, tell me about it then!  - I can sing a part of it for you, if you'd want to?  - You can sing?  - Of course! I just don't use it for my songs. Everyone else sing much better, my voice is too…  - Too sexy for the world?  - Hahaha, maybe! Want to check out for sure? I'll sing in English for you.  - Sheesh, what a nerd. Okay, give me your best shot. 

Yasuo took a deep breath in, and made sure before he starts to sing he looks into your eyes. He started like he was unsure, but with time he sang wholeheartedly. 

"Though both of us will die one day

Though this life is useless anyway

When you're here by my side, you make me feel like it'll be okay

And yet we laughed despite it all

At this life which has no meaning at all

Two lonely and broken souls leaning on each other's sides

I'm glad that you're you, that I'm me, and for us two

I'm kinda glad that you're evil too"

While he was pouring his emotion on you, you felt your chest clench and tear up after intensity of his voice, he gave it out truly like he meant it.  You saw he wasn't done, so you tried to remain calm. 

"When the day starts anew, hope I spend it with you-" 

You felt your cheeks burn with your tears pouring down whole you smiled widely at him. He was singing loudly, forgetting about embarrassment. 

"I'm glad that I fell in love with you."

From today, this song made by PinnocchioP was more than important for both of you. It felt like it was especially made for you, and you both loved it. 

[sadlyafanofotomegames]

A Road Paved with Bad Endings - Nameless ~The One Thing You Must Recall~

It’s been eighty years since my last one so to remind everyone this is a series about bad ends in otome games - currently I’m talking about the bad ends in Nameless and I already did Lance’s bad endings.  This one’s going to be about Yeonho’s.

Yeonho - Bought Used, Highly Damaged, Needs Proper Care

Oh Yeonho.  Sweet. sweet little Yeonho.  Made to instill mother instincts in young ladies.  Surely his route will just be ADORABLE right...right!?

Okay so Yeonho has some serious issues stemming from an extremely painful past (which is bad enough as a doll but then when translated to human terms YIKES) and most of his route is about confronting that past.  Sure there are cute moments here and there, but mainly its just about how to confront the things that were done to him and how to cope in a more healthy way.

One thing I’m not keen on is that with these kind of characters (I will elaborate on this when talking about the bad ends) I wish they just left out the romance aspect altogether.  So much of this route is about understanding Yeonho’s trauma and how it affects his view of the world, that its not until the last couple of chapters that the writers were like, “oh FUCK this is an otome game they’re supposed to date” and slapped on two or three romantic scenes.  It doesn’t help that in this route compared to the other routes it’s painfully clear that Eri favoring Yeonho can go real bad for both of them if not treated correctly.  I’m worried about them is what I’m saying.

If you are suffering from abandonment and/or other forms of abuse, this route might make you uncomfortable.  I say they do a not-bad job in confronting trauma, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be the same experience with you. 

Also two of these three ending go into the “WTF WTF WTF” end of the bad end spectrum, and they do include implied violence and assault so tread lightly.

Bad End 1 - Unforgiven Doll - Surprise!  YOU Are The First Yandere in the Game!

How to Get It

Eri.  Basic female protagonist in an otome game.  Most female protagonists in otome games range from “blank slate/silent” to “this is clearly a story about this particular gal.”  Eri falls closer to the latter half of this spectrum, but she still shows some of those tried and true female lead traits, mainly her naivete.  This isn’t just to show innocence in this route though: her naive and relaxed attitude toward Yeonho in the beginning becomes a detriment to Yeonho’s growth.  She doesn’t realize until around a quarter into the route that Yeonho’s devotion and to her isn’t just a phase, and she doesn’t know how to confront it at first.  Yeonho wakes her up every morning, makes the same rabbit-shaped eggs every morning, texts her every morning, noon and night, and it gets to the point where he refuses to leave her side.  

One rainy day, Eri’s friends finally have an opportunity to talk to her without Yeonho around.  They’re worried about both of them, and they decide to take the chance to separate them by taking Eri out while Yeonho’s on cleaning duty. Yeonho seems pretty dejected at the idea but still stays for cleaning duty.  But then...Eri gets worried and goes back.  And its a good thing she did, because Yeonho was waiting for her in the pouring rain.  

Now, you don’t have to go back right away though...you could choose to be dismissive and cold when it comes to Yeonho...its not like he’ll ever dislike you for it...

Once Yeonho’s taken inside he’s tending to by Eri.  Yeonho’s not looking so great after getting a rain shower.  He tells Eri he’s cold and doesn’t want Eri to leave but...its not a big deal right?  Leave Yeonho’s side to grab blankets.

Alternatively, you can also be dismissive of Yeonho in earlier parts as well.  At one point you can almost push Yeonho into riding big rides at a theme park  which you know Yeonho doesn’t like but refuses to admit he’s not having fun.  Because its all for Eri. 

What Happens

Seeing Yeonho shivering and sad...Yeonho who would do anything for her...Yeonho who would always be hers no matter how cruel she is...something in Eri snaps.  She WANTS to hurt Yeonho.  

Yeonho doesn’t mind right?  He’d never hate her.  When Yeonho wakes up and sees Eri...he knows what’s going to happen.  And he does let her hurt him.  And he cries.  All he wants is to be cherished.

How I Feel About This One

Honestly when it comes to otome games I expect there’s always going to be at least one route route where somebody goes yandere and/or the main girl gets killed.  But this is the first one I’ve encountered where the the main girl becomes the yandere character.  It was a real shock to me, because all of the sudden I wasn’t just causing Eri to be run over by the truck, I’m causing Eri to be cruel.  When we reach a bad end, our character’s the one who usually gets hurt the most, not the one who directly causes the hurt.  

As such while other endings are theoretically worse for Eri and some of the characters involved in their specific route, this one I just can’t stomach revisiting often.  Hearing Yeonho crying in pain and asking to be cherished makes me feel like my hearts being used as a needle ball...so as a bad end its pretty good!  7/10 stop making me feel bad please.

Bad End 2 - Competitor - Now Yeonho’s the Yandere!  But Wait!  A YANDERE CHALLENGER APPROACHES!!! (how many yanderes are in this game!?  the answer may shock you)

How to Get It

So after you stay by Yeonho’s side while he’s sick and assure him that you’re there for him and that you WON’T become a yandere things seem to start to improve.  Yeonho’s less clingy, and he’s no longer willing to be pushed around by his fans at school (btw all of the boys got fans because they’re all beautiful doll people so yeah.)  Eri’s a little concerned that Yeonho is now being too off-putting, but hey it feels like Yeonho is changing so...that’s something.

Then Eri has to go see her parents at a hotel for dinner (btw her parents travel a lot for work and are mainly based in the U.S. so she rarely sees them thus when they do come by they meet her at a hotel nearby where they usually go to for business.)  Yeonho begins to wonder if Eri’s parents, her family, matters more than him, who’s just a doll.  How can he assure himself that Eri won’t forget him?

Eri leaves promising that she won’t be long.  The visit goes fine, except uh...her parents pressure her into staying at their hotel room for way longer than she planned.  It’d be nice if you chose to say you have to go back, but choosing to stay isn’t what’ll cause the camel’s back to break in this one.  That happens when Eri returns home to see Yeonho, again, waiting for her outside.  It’s not raining, but its cold, and Yeonho looks cold both physically and emotionally.

Now I need to remind you fellows that these boys are not people first: they’re dolls first, people second.  Their world is limited by the very few experiences they had on top of a shelf.  In Yeonho’s case, his experience was being put on a literal pedestal, used essentially as a stress toy whenever his first owner got mad, left on the floor when his owner got bored of him, then left in a very badly put box for who knows how long to be sent to a new owner who, once again, puts him on a pedestal.  Eri takes great care of her dolls, but to Yeonho, this doesn’t mean she won’t abandon him like his previous owner did.  Because his previous owner seemingly treasured him too.

And with the previous bad end, we know Eri is capable of the same cruelty as the previous owner.  And even without that context what’s stopping Eri from abandoning him too?  How can he be permanent in Eri’s heart so that doesn’t happen?  Yeonho doesn’t have the means to see beyond his own experience, so he can’t see how he won’t be abandoned eventually, and even though he’s human now he still sees himself as needing to belong to someone.  What can he do?  He’s not being threatening at this point, he’s just begging for answers.

So what answer do you give?  Well, if you were listening to his plea, you tell him that no, he doesn’t need to do anything to earn love, because he’s already deserving of it.  Yeonho already holds a place in Eri’s heart, and she means that earnestly.  

...Buuuuut if you’re looking for a bad end, dismissively say “eh, just stay by my side like usual.”  This’ll calm him down right?  His deep-seated feelings aren’t that serious.  It’s fine.  It’ll be fine.  Really, it’s fine.

...So turns out it was not fine, because you didn’t give him a real answer.  He still doesn’t know how to be permanent in Eri’s heart.  So he’s going to find is own answers.  Spoilers: the answer he comes to is bad.  For both of them.  In more ways than expected.

What Happens

Oh wait, no he’s fine.  He was cool with that answer!  See, he’s smiling, although his smile is a little off, but that’s fine, because me and Eri are sure that he’ll just go back to his usual self by morning.  Time to go to bed.  

Fun Fact: There’s a diary entry in Eri’s journal that only appears in this ending.  Check it out before Eri closes her eyes.  It’ll be awkward to read it after Yeonho tries to choke Eri to de-oh-OH GAWD YEONHO’S CHOKING ERI TO DEATH!

Another Fun Fact: If you want to revisit this bad ending save right after you made the bad choice.  For some reason in the Memories (the menu that lets you revisit past events) it starts in the middle of the bad ending!  

So it turns out the answer Yeonho came to was, “I guess I need to be a yandere” and kill Eri.  BTW despite being advertised in the Crobidoll line as “babey” for some reason he was given the ability to see ghosts?  So I’m guessing his plan was to have Eri’s spirit tethered to him so she literally can never leave (and thus in his eyes abandon) him.

Funny thing about Yeonho: he’s referenced as similar to a chick a lot in this game.  He’s got corn yellow hair that’s feathery and he’s got big ol’ red eyes.  Except...when he’s chocking Eri, suddenly his eyes don’t look so cute.  His pupils literally shrink.  They’re no longer the eyes of a chick, but the eyes of a snake. 

So Yeonho kills Eri.  Bad End reached.  Pretty typical of a bad ending in an otome game, huh?

Well, JUST KIDDING Tei barges in and stops Yeonho from completing the task.  Phew Eri was saved.  That was close.  Good thing someone as kind and dependable as Tei arrived to help her out right...right?  

Ha...haha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

Surprise! Turns out Tei is the Alpha Yandere ‘round these parts.

Friends...may I introduce you to...Bad End Tei?  He’s going to be a regular on the series.  In fact he’s probably the main character in this Nameless Bad End Journey.  He’s a constant shadow that looms across almost all the bad paths we follow.  Just remember in this series we’re going to be talking only about Bad End Tei, not all of who Tei is.  If you want me to talk more about Tei as a whole character you’ll have to wait until we get to Tei’s bad endings, which, spoilers, have a lot of Bad End Tei in it too.  You cannot escape Bad End Tei.

Anyway back to what was SUPPOSED to be Yeonho’s Yandere moment.

After stopping Yeonho from killing Eri, Tei starts by saying he’s dissapointed...at Eri?  She really shouldn’t have let herself be hurt.  Kinda victim-blamey there Bad End Tei.  After all, I’M the one who almost got her choked to death here.  No need to blame her!

Secondly Tei wants nothing more than for Eri, his owner, to be safe.  But if she does get hurt...it should be him who does the hurting.  The reason for this is explained further in later bad endings and in Tei’s Route, but in this ending we discover that Tei is just as obsessed with his owner as Yeonho is.  Difference is Bad End Tei doesn’t need to be remembered by Eri, or even have a place in her heart.  What he wants is Eri herself, and to have that he wants control of her pain.  So when someone else tries to cause Eri pain...well that’s stealing his control of her pain, and that just won’t do.  

Unlike Yeonho, who ultimately just wants to belong to Eri and to never be abandoned by her, Bad End Tei wants Eri to belong to him the same way he belongs to her.   

It’s ironic that a doll wants ownership over the doll’s owner huh.  Feels like maybe bringing dolls to life wasn’t exactly what its cracked up to be.  

Anyway if Eri’s going to get hurt, then there was no reason for Tei to have held back for so long.  If this was going to happen, he should have hurt Eri when this all started.  He justifies that he can hurt Eri better than Yeonho can (weird flex but ok) and its getting late so could Yeonho like, leave?  And even Yeonho in yandere mode is taken aback.  But then he’s like, “No wait I’M the yandere in this bad ending!” and tries to attack Tei.

Tei doesn’t want to hurt or even touch anyone that’s not Eri, but since Yeonho won’t be good and go to bed he’ll just have to put him down.  Even though all the dolls are in human form now, their doll forms are still on Eri’s shelf.  And doing things to the doll forms affects their human forms.  So, instead of going after Yeonho the human...he grabs Yeonho the doll.  And squeezes.

Meanwhile Eri is, quite justifiably, shocked and disgusted by all this.  Yeonho’s a yandere?  Tei’s a yandere?  I could be a yandere!?  How many yandere’s are in this game!? 

While Tei is committing doll homicide he says since Eri’s good at keeping her hobbies (collecting dolls) a secret from her friends, it shouldn’t be hard to pretend that everything’s fine from now on.  Of course, she doesn’t have to pretend she loves him.  So long as Tei can have her, he doesn’t care.

After the deed is done, Tei approaches her.  Eri desperately wants this to all be a dream, but when Tei holds her face she knows its real.  Tei tells her to be quiet and asks if she’d ready.  The last thing we hear is a chime, and the scene fades out.

How I Feel About This One

So this has to be one of my favorite bad endings.  I mean what happens in it makes me go “WTF WTF AAAAAAGH” but in an interesting way, ya know?  The kind that makes my hair stand on end.  It’s a story in and of itself.  The set-up, the plot twist, the monologue, just...mwah.  Perfect.  It’s exactly what I want in my bad endings.

Plus if you’re doing the bad endings in order, this’ll be the first time you see Bad End Tei.  You don’t see Bad End Tei in the routes themselves (outside of his and Red’s, which is only unlocked after you complete all the other routes so at that point you had to have seen Bad End Tei) but suddenly there’s hints of Bad End Tei throughout all of his encounters.  I didn’t say this in Lance’s Bad End Post, but a part of me thinks that maybe Tei had something to do with what happened to Lance in one of his bad endings...there’s no proof, but still.  He was in the room with Lance by themselves when Eri left so...who knows.

This also hints at also aspects of the story.  Bad End Tei’s an obvious hint to who Tei is as a character, but there’s also the use of the doll bodies, and that chime at the end.

Anyway this Bad Ending sets up Bad End Tei’s character in the most dramatic and creepy of ways and if every otome game had bad endings as good (well, not good in that way but-you know what I mean!) as this one this series would never end.  I mean, it won’t if I post every four to five months.  

Also what makes me appreciate this one is that it cuts off before we see what happens to Eri, and it doesn’t go into detail on what Bad End Tei did to Yeonho either.  If we had detailed descriptions of whatever happened I might not have stomached it.  Implication are far more sinister than outright statements.  This is also one of the only Bad End Tei endings where Eri’s vocal about how messed up this is.

Bad End 3 - Disappeared Yeonho - That’s It.  Pretty Anticlimactic Compared to the Previous Endings

How to Get It

So Eri takes Yeonho’s worries seriously and no one turns yandere and Bad End Tei stays firmly in the back of Tei’s mind (btw after you make the good choice with Yeonho once they go back inside Tei gives Yeonho some comforting words.  At their worst they can be cruel to each other, but when they’re not at that breaking point they do have this solidarity with each other, both having previous owners before Eri.)  Things start to improve a lot.  Yeonho can now enjoy things outside of Eri, and is back to being willing to hang out with others.  He’s grown a great deal, and the people around him notice.  Things are looking up for Yeonho and Eri now.

Of course, then the writers realize, “wait romance” and Yeonho needs to like Eri now.  Not as a doll loves their owner, but as a person wanting to be with another person...okay I don’t hate it when its put that way, but I still feel like this wasn’t necessary.  Let me remind you, Yeonho tried to kill Eri in a bad ending because of his fear of her forgetting him.  He was so desperate to remain at her side, and then things get better, but even after all that he still wants to refer to her as “Master” while trying to pursue a romantic relationship with her.  All I’m saying is maybe give each other a little distance for a just a tiiiiiiny bit to figure things out before going into this yeah?

Still they’re pretty cute together in the end.  Things don’t get nearly as saucy as it did in Lance’s route, and its all very innocent and sweet.  I don’t hate it.  Now Tei on the other hand-

Alright alright back to how this bad end goes down.  Before Yeonho confesses to Eri there’s a school festival and he has a fortune reading stand.  (Also aside from seeing ghosts he can also read tarot cards and talk to animals.)  After he read your fortune he tries to make a move, but then a very haughty girl barges in to get her fortune read.  Suddenly Yeonho clams up and runs away.

Where did he go!?  Eri could check the rooftop, where he’s likely to be at...or she can just give up and see if he came home.  

...That’s it.  That’s all it takes.

What Happens

So Yeonho never came home.  They made missing photos and everything!  Where could he be...?

...Yeah that’s it.

How I Feel About This One

Honestly I don’t feel like this one needed to be there.  Maybe it’s because if they didn’t, then for the last few chapter there’d be no need for choices.  But they did that with Lance!  In Lance’s route after the play there’s no choice for the last few chapter, and while he has the shortest amount of bad endings, they both are still creepy and at least a little intense.  Why didn’t they do the same for Yeonho?

I don’t know.  I don’t hate it.  It’s like, nothing terrible happened to characters I love, which is nice, but that’s not what bad endings are for!  They’re supposed to make you feel bad and maybe give you the heebie jeebies!  Or they’re supposed to fulfill some fantasy in a safe way like they do sometimes in Mystic Messenger!  Or be a joke ending where you at least get a chuckle before having to restart!  I don’t know!  Give me Yeonho joining a ghost detective agency with a cat sidekick running away from his past!  Something!  ANYTHING!!!

Anyway overall I really do like Yeonho’s route in its emotionally heartfelt moments and really disturbed by the intensity of some of its bad endings (which make them pretty good in my book!)  Now we move on to Yuri’s route where I need to turn off Yuri’s voice in the options menu to pull through it!  WAHOOO!!!

[jmeddows2]

Purple Thunder (Roger Taylor Series) - Part 6

(present/old) Roger Taylor x Reader

Summary: The relationship between Roger and Reader takes a huge turn as they get closer than they’ve ever been before. They also confess something to each other which has been long overdue

Notes: I hope y'all are ok with the fact that this is a bit different than everything that’s been happening before. Please let me know if you want more of it in the future or not. I appreciate every single one of you that is still sticking around. :) I have used Taylor Swifts lyrics of the song ‘Daylight’. also, this is a mobile update, sorry if it’s a bit fucked up

Warnings: cursing, cheating, smut

Words: 2.1k

This chapter is dedicated to @oldfashionedlovergirlsblog for giving me a few prompts to work with :)

The next day in the studio was restless. Especially for Roger.

Brian basically warned him about how things between him and you could never EVER work.

“Think about he future” Brian said. “She is young and you're far from that, Rog. She'll want to marry, have kids.. Do you really want to hold her back from living life like that? Throw away everything you’ve establish with Sarina? “

The words kept repeating in his head as he watched you set up your microphone on the other side of the room. He watched you as you were standing there, excitement in your eyes and a crumbled up, folded piece of paper in your hand. You carefully opened the paper, trying not to bruise it any more.

He saw you wave at him with a smile and your lips moving. Too lost in thought, forgetting to press the button that let your voice shine through the speakers.

“Oh sorry, what was it, (Y/N)?” Roger’s voice was quiet, his eyes half lidded in thought and his mouth in a small line.

“is everything alright? “ you asked, he put on a fake smile gave you a thumbs up and pressed a button and the playback started rolling.

“My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in

Everyone looked worse in the light

There are so many lines that I’ve crossed unforgiven

I'll tell you the truth but never goodbye”

The sound changed, you changed. But the sad look on Roger’s face remained. “I’ll tell you the truth but never goodbye”? He thought it must be obviously about Josh. That all of this was a mistake and now you felt guilty. He wanted to leave the studio, stop keeping his hopes up high, hoping that Brian was wrong all along.

“Could we do that again? I’m not so sure about this first verse” you called from the other side.

“Sure” he replayed the whole sequence when the first chorus kicked in.

“I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I don’t wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you” he still didn’t get the memo, even when you tried to make eye contact with him. He never looked your way.

“I’ve been sleeping so long in a 20 year dark light

And now I see daylight, I only see daylight”

“so how was it? ” you hurried through the door, in anticipation for his opinion.

“great” he kept his head down, pretending to set everything up for the next song.

“didn’t you like it? Why are you acting so strange?”

“s’alright”

“no, something is wrong”

“That’s where you are right! I’m married for God’s sake. “ he blurted out with a raised voice, throwing his hands in the air.

You felt your heart brea. And the hot tears started to dribble down your cheeks. You didn’t even know what to say anymore. Roger was trying his best not to give in and show his feelings, to apologize for his sudden outburst, but he remained in his seat.

“Then why did you treat me like you care? The kiss, the holding hands? In the restaurant when he you kept touching me? It didn’t mean anything? “

The guilt was eating him alive.

“is that why you acted so strange earlier? Because you-“

“Do you really want to know why I acting ‘strange’? “Roger interrupted looking into your eyes. “this” he gestured his finger between the two of you. “could never work. We have no future! you’ll want to get married sometime, have kids and I’m not sure if I would want that anymore. I’d either be much older than now or even dead. I don’t want to be the one holding you back. Besides, we both have partners”

“yeah we do. But I want you, Roger”

He shook his head. “you don’t get it”

“please tell me. Tell me what I don’t get? “

“that I’m trying so hard. So hard not to think about you. To think about what you’re doing when we’re not here in the studio. Or if you’re ever thinking about me like I keep thinking about you all the time. You’ve been on my mind since the night we first met. No! Even before that you consumed my thoughts, making up scenarios of how I would be able to have even a hint of a chance,if I was just about your age now. It’s so hard to keep myself away from you. Then I make a move and Brian said-“

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks, Roger. How could you ever think of not having a chance? I should be the one asking you that” He stepped closer to you, close enough to take your face in both of his hands, wiping your wet cheeks with his thumbs.

“I just don’t want to fuck this up. You’re way too important to me”

Your heart started to race as he traced his thumb along your bottom lips.

“I'm in love with you, (Y/N) “

He closed the space between the two of you and you felt your lips brush, the bristles of his beard scratched against your soft cheeks. He was quick to gently brush the pad of his thumb to over your slightly bruised skin.

“I’m in love with you too, Roger” he pulled you into a tight hug, burying your face into his chest, making you feel warm inside and out.

He gently placed you down on the bed, crawling towards you until he was hovering over you.

"You have no idea how much I want you right now“ he growled as you sat up a little to remove your shirt. He was hovering above you, peppering kisses all over your still clothed breasts, continuing along your stomach, earning several moans from you.

"Is it ok if I-“ you nodded, allowing him to take off your trousers. By the time his attention was back on your upper body, the bra was taken off.

"Wow“ he breathed. "You‘re so beautiful! I‘m the luckiest man on this planet.“ you smirked, pulling him down to you, giving him a passionate kiss. He turned his attention to your neck, kissing slowly, savoring your scent as you fiddled with the buckle of belt, then finally freeing his member. He was half hard already and dripping precum when you gripped him, pumping his length a few times but Roger stopped you.

"I want to make you feel good tonight, my love“

His lips were still on your neck, one hand on your right boob, squeezing firmly, making your nipple erect. He continued pinching it between his and index finger before moving on to your other boob. He made his way down to your tummy, his beard scratching along with the movements of his mouth and your breathing got heavier the closer he got to your core.

He asked for permission once again, taking your panties off, you answered with a nod.

Roger positioned himself between you legs, his eyes fixated on your flower.

"So beautiful“ he whispered, planting gentle kisses to your inner thighs, making his way closer and closer to your already dripping core.

Roger flatened his tongue out to lick a long stripe along your folds. It felt so good as he tasted you entirely, getting him even more excited. He wrapped his arms around your legs, to gain more access, soaking his lips in your wetness. His tongue brushed over your precious pearl, earning a string of moans from your mouth as your hand reached out for his messy, white hair.

He gently inserted one of his experienced fingers into your wetness.

"Oh my, you‘re so tight." he thrusted in and out, watching your chest rise and fall, bringing his tongue back to flick it across your clit. You gasped as he inserted another finger and sped up his movements, hitting all the right spots, quicky bringing you to your high as he watched you fall apart.

He removed his fingers and his mouth dived back into your wetness. "You taste... so delicious“ he licked you, then his slick fingers clean.

Roger was now rock hard. You tried to reach for his member, but he pinned your hands left and right to your head.

"I said I want to make you feel good tonight“ with a cheeky smile he leaned down to kiss you again. This time very passionately, making you taste yourself on his tongue.

He was in between your legs, holding his cock in his hand, teasing your clit with his tip to spread your juices all over it.

"Are you sure you want to do this?“ he asked softly.

"Yes, I love you.“

"I love you too, darling“ he slowly pushed in, his thick shaft stretching and disappearing into you, earning a moan from you.

" God you‘re so tight. Might need to give me a minute here, I‘m not used to it.. fuck so fucking tight“ he looked deep into your eyes, and your hand found its way into his hair. You were biting your lip even thinking about how the two of you are connected in this very moment.

After a short while he started to slowly thrust in and out of you.

"You fill me so good Roger.“ you moaned feeling eager, pushing your hips together with his, making him go even deeper. He almost slided all the way out, before pushing even harder back in.

"God Rog.. I think I‘m..“

"Let go love, cum all over my cock“

A last hard thrust and his fast fingers on your clit made you clench down on him, making you see stars in the process.

The sensation of your tight pussy made Roger feel the cum rising in his balls. His strong hands were digging into your waist, making sure to leave his marks, pushing his cock deeper and deeper into you with each thrust.

He leaned forward and pinned your arms again, intertwining his finger with yours. He was in complete control.

"I‘m going to cum“ he moaned.

"Cum inside me Roger“

Keeping eye contact, he buried himself as deep as possible into you as he released his seed. Your body was trembling from the sudden rush of another orgasm.

Roger collapsed on top of you, nuzzling his head into your neck as he panted heavily. You brought your hand to gently stroke his back, then into his hair, trying to calm him down. You could feel his cock soften inside of you.

"Who knew an old man like me still has it in him, huh?“ he chuckled against your neck.

"Dork“ you pulled him down to you and gave him a peck. "I don't want to hear you say that again. You I don't care about your age! ....that was pretty amazing though" you said with a smile.

"See? But I agree. Only because of you though. I love you so much, (Y/N)"

"I love you too"

He gently slid out of you and his cum started oozing.

"I‘ll run you a bath, love“

"No Rog, wanna lay with you“

"Ok let me at least grab a towel for you“ he rolled from the bed and went to the bathroom.

" top shelf on the right“ you called after him.

After cleaning yourselves up, you cuddled into his bare chest. He kept playing with the ends of hair and tracing circles along your skin until you fell asleep to the steady rhythm of his heart beat.

You woke up to the chirping of birds, slowly opening yours to find Roger’s strong arms around you.

You lifted you head a little only to find two blue sparkling eyes looking into yours.

"G’morning beautiful"  

"Good morning handsome”

You took his right arm to have a closer look on his tattoos, tracing your fingertips along the inked skin. He smiled in awe as you kept inspecting his arm. There was no spot of skin left that hasn’t been painted in ink and you admired it.

"I could take you to get one yourself” he said making a motion for you to lay back on his chest. "A tattoo”

There you were now again, with your head on his bare chest, his hand on your bum. And it felt like is was the safest place on the planet.

It was until he spoke the words you never wanted to hear.

"I wish I could staz here withyou. My wife is coming home today"

“Oh”

"It’s going to be so hard, when you’re the only one I wanna wake up next to.” his hand found it’s way into your hair, trying to comfort you.

"But you’re not going to” you rolled of the bed, stormed into the kitchen with him quickly following.

At this point you couldn’t even hold the tears back anymore. He would go home. Not have anymore time for you. Tell his wife he loves her. Spend all day with her. Sleep with her. And you could do nothing about it.

"Please don’t cry! Not because of me. I promise we’re going to sort this out. You and me my love”

A peck on the lips.

And he was gone.

[dongiovannaswife]

The unforgiven.

Part 2.

Giorno stares at the person at the other side of his desk. The woman there looks at him with false hope, there isn't even the love he should have given the nature of their relationship, of the bond of mother and son. No, there's no love. There's no hope. There's just interest. Interest on the money, the luxurious lifestyle she craves so much. There's no love, and never will be.

That woman is his mother, a mother so heartless and unloving he wonders how he managed to survive, how in the world he didn't died as a baby.

"My son" she whispers, lips curled up in a false smile and a soft tone laced with venom; she's acting and she's not good at it. As an actress she would die by starving.

With the years and the help of his consigliere, who proved to be some sort of paternal figure he didn't knew he needed, the young don, now on his 20's, learned to control his emotions, to not let them take the best of him when his plans doesn't work.

But all of that seems like nothing when he snarles back, voice sharp and raspy: anger and perhaps sadness. "Don't call me that."

The woman's face turns red with anger, "You're being mean!"

He chuckles but there's no humor on that, there's only anger. Anger that has been building for the past 26 years. His left hand goes to his hair, throwing the golden locks back and with a new air of redemption, he looks up at her, turquoise eyes no longer angry but kind; he's a good actor and he knows it.

"Go away. I won't give you anything, you don't deserve it."

"But, Gior—"

"Shut up." He commands, the woman almost remembers the boy's father at the icy voice tone. "Where were you when I needed you? You never cared for me. You dedicated your life to go from party to party, not batting an eye when I was sick 'cause you didn't even dare to learn about me. Now that you don't have money and now that your beloved husband left you for another woman you come up to me, pleading for something you don't deserve. You're nothing for me. Go away and don't come back."

When the woman leaves his office, Giorno sits down, trembling out of rage.

"You're the unforgiven."

[Vergil Sparda's hairstyle? Yes. The context? I don't know. I cried? A river.]