#some of them are so despicably ugly but some are cute

[isabellthebitchyghost]

getting jump scared every time i open instagram and see more werepups

[renjunphile]

for the rest of ours ᡣ𐭩 song eunseok

୨♡୧ WORD COUNT: 13.4k ୨♡୧ PAIRING: riize's song eunseok x female!reader ୨♡୧ TAGS & WARNINGS: chaebol heirs!au, rich kids!au, one sided enemies to lovers!au, arranged marriage!au, angsty at the start, overall fluff, reader is selfish and mean to eunseok for a good chunk of the story, brief unrequited love but y/n is an unreliable narrator tbh, second chance romance, she fell first but he fell harder trope, drinking, partying, non linear narrative

୨♡୧ SYNOPSIS: you find song eunseok to be utterly and despicably insufferable. too bad he's your fiancé since birth! and there was nothing you could do about it!

୨♡୧ NOTES: OHHHH im having such an intense eunseok rot that i had to write the most gut wrenching and nonsensical piece that becomes to sickeningly fluffy at the end. theyre just so in love with each other and there's literally no plot at all!!!!!!!!!!! lowkey one of the worst pieces i've written in recent times since i rushed it but i will edit and add scenes and plot in the future :> but for now, enjoy! ♡ i.b let my by zayn at the end :)

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

It may be disturbing for some and horrifying to say, but your eyes hadn't even fully formed in the womb to open and your limbs weren't even well defined enough to have joints when your life was signed off to another's. For goodness' sake, it had barely even been a month since your tiny, minuscule heart started beating! What would the Song's have done if you grew up ugly?

You sighed to yourself, muttering under your breath how Korea's third richest family should be grateful you were akin to art in anyone's eyes. You were looking through the dusty photo albums that the housekeeper found while tidying the primary study of the mansion, and you grimaced at the photos of your fiancé that appeared from even the very first page.

It was bad enough that you were engaged before you were born, but did he really have to attend your birth? He probably didn't even have memories then! But there it was, under your fingertips: a perfectly preserved photo of a 3-month old Eunseok bundled up in sleep suit being posed next to where the nurses placed you after they literally just took you out of your mother. You don't even think the umbilical cord had been cut yet.

"Y/N, Mr. Song is outside," your favourite housekeeper coos at you from the double doors going into the study. You give her a terse smile and stand up from your father's office chair, straightening your silk gown before taking her hand as she helped you down the marble stairs of your home.

You roll your eyes (mostly to yourself, but you didn't mind if he noticed) as you saw his car parked at the bottom of the stairs leading to your front door.

"You can't even be bothered to come and collect me? Or open the door for me?" you sneer as soon as you settled yourself into the passenger seat.

"Well hello to you too, my lovely wife," Eunseok smirks, immediately revving and setting off around the fountain of your courtyard.

"I'm not your wife," you snap, deciding to ignore when the word 'yet' seems to slip under his breath, "But seriously Eunseok? This car? I'm going to look so stupid trying to get out of this car in my dress and heels. Why do you love sitting on the floor so much?"

Eunseok has an extensive car range. One that any car junkie would envy, but Song Eunseok knew nothing about cars. He just had them because he could. This car was a sports car where you had to sit in such a ridiculous position just so the car could look cool on the outside.

"It's white!" he defends himself, slightly whining in a cute way to which you swallow down a positive reaction. His eyes flicker over to you momentarily and his tongue traces across his bottom lip, "You look gorgeous, by the way. Very bridal."

You're wearing a white silk dress that looks like it's made for your body. It's draped so beautifully around your hips and hugs every part that needs to be accentuated. You loved this dress the second you saw it in Paris, but you never thought then that it would be used for this occasion. 

"Just shut up and drive," you quip. It takes a few moments of silence for you to feel bad even though his expression remains neutral and you sigh, "I guess you don't look too bad."

"Aw, I knew you were in love with me!" he teases again, a phrase he liked to use every time you said something to him that wasn't snarky, sarcastic or an insult.

You choose not to reply, instead taking in the bright lights of Seoul as he pulls into a main road. You haven't been back in a while, holing yourself up in your penthouse in Manhattan, but you always loved the sight of home.

"But seriously, Y/N," Eunseok coughs to get your attention, his voice dropping down low and suddenly serious, "This actually might be your last chance to back out of this. Just say the word and I'll turn this car around and take you straight to Incheon and you can run away around the world long enough until they find me a new bride."

You turn to look at him, perplexed by his words, "And you? You actually want to get hitched off to some random?"

Eunseok shrugs, not meeting your eyes, "You're not some random. I've known you since you were born. I've known you'd be my wife since the day I could understand what that meant. But if I have to find a replacement because you don't want to do it anymore, I will."

"Gee, ever the gentleman," you deadpan, "I think want is a pretty strong word. I don't want to marry you, but I guess I will."

"You're not backing out? Not leaving me looking stupid up on the altar?" Eunseok taps his finger on the leather steering wheel.

You think about his words sincerely. There's really nothing more in the world that you'd love than to run away to a small little town on the southern coast of Italy- somewhere quaint and quiet where you'd find love and spend the rest of your days cooking, cleaning, baking and finding peace in the ocean. There's nothing more in the world that you want more than for someone to ask to marry you because they were in love with your soul and not having you by their side would be like torture in the cruelest form.

Alas, you're Kang Y/N of the powerful Kang family, the eldest child of your father and the next heir waiting to take over the conglomerate. And because you're Kang Y/N, the eldest daughter of the second richest family in Korea, you were contracted to marry the first son of the third richest family in Korea. After that, your companies would merge and you would overtake the Kim's as the sole ruler of the country.

"It's my duty," you swallow nervously as you begin to recognise the streets of where you were driving, signalling that you were soon approaching the venue, "It's fine, Eunseok."

"I wish it wasn't just fine. I wish this was what you wanted." he breathes out and your heart stops beating for a second before anger seeps in through the cracks of your heart.

"Do you think it's any girl's dream to marry someone that doesn't love them?"

Eunseok sighs as he presses on the breaks, moving through the lifted barrier where they had closed a portion of the street in anticipation for his car and your arrival. He twists his body to look at you, "Y/N-"

"It's fine, Eunseok," you grit your teeth as you repeat your words, eyes trained on the paparazzi camped out on the steps of the venue, eager to get a glimpse of you, "Let's just get this engagement party over with."

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

Song Eunseok had to follow you around the world like a lost puppy.

When you said that you wanted to go to that boarding school in Switzerland where only the richest sent their kids, Eunseok was in the seat next to you on that first class flight. When you said that you were going to Oxford to study for your undergraduate degree, Eunseok was tossing away his dream to study at Harvard to join you getting drunk at 18 under the grey British sky. When you said that you wanted to do your masters at Columbia so you could live in New York City, Eunseok was moving into the apartment across yours while he worked at the company his dad created in New York just for him to have something to do there.

If you said jump, Eunseok had to say how high?

That was just the name of the game considering the Song's had more to gain from this arrangement. Your family was richer. Your family was in a greater range of industries. Your family's money went back a lot further than the Song's. And you- you were the most stunning woman in Eunseok's eyes and because of him, you were stripped of your choice to fall in love. That's why the Song family gave you princess treatment from the second you were able to demand things. 

You had protested until your vocal cords went raw when they found out that they were sending Eunseok to university with you. For years up until you turned 18, you had imagined finally getting away from Eunseok for once, even if just for 3 years. He had always talked about Harvard and with the grades to boot, you thought that you'd finally have an ocean separating you.

It certainly wasn't an easy fight at the airport as you threatened to drop out of university the second that you even stepped foot into the new country. All your father did was bat his eyelashes and give you a heartfelt, "Please, princess? Just do this for us."

The phrase 'just do this for us' nearly knocked you sick nowadays after over 2 decades of hearing it spew out of your father's mouth. Ultimately, yes, you were lucky to have such a loving family that never pushed anything evil or truly despicable onto you. This was the one thing they needed from you. They obliged every want and wish for the trade-off of giving your hand in marriage to the Song's first born son.

In June of your third year of university, a couple months out from your graduation, Eunseok turned up at your door completely drunk.

"What are you doing here?" your arms were crossed tightly, trying to cover as much of yourself as possible as you were clad in the smallest pyjamas for the British summer heat.

He grinned goofily up at you, eyes lazily fluttering open and closed, "Hi, Y/N. I'm drunk." He was leaning against the doorway, nearly making out with the frame.

"I can see that," you sniffed the air and grimaced, "And smell it. But what are you doing here?"

"Can't I visit my lovely fiancée on her 21st birthday?" he batted his long eyelashes sweetly at you, taking one step into the apartment. You gazed at him hesitantly, taking one step back.

"I don't think anyone would appreciate their fiancé turning up on their doorstep piss drunk at 2am," you spat, "If you truly wanted to wish me a happy birthday, you would have left me alone."

"I lost my keys," Eunseok groaned, "I didn't know where else to go."

It should be sweet that out of all the places he could have chosen to go to in the city, he went to yours. Instead, it made you feel angrier.

"Eunseok, stop bothering me," your words contrasted your actions as you pulled him into your apartment and locked the door behind him, "Go sleep in the spare bedroom and leave as soon as you wake up. I'm going out for breakfast with my friends tomorrow so lock the door behind you and keep the key with you 'til you see me next." You pulled the spare key out of the drawer and placed it in his pocket.

Like a pathetic dog, Eunseok followed behind you as you led him through the apartment your parents had bought for you.

"Can I sleep with you?" he murmured.

"In your dreams, Song," you retorted, stopping in front of the spare room door, "Plus, you stink like shit."

"Ah, it's okay," he sighed dreamily, resting his head against the door, "We have the rest of forever to sleep beside each other."

You let out a frustrated screech, shoving his chest, "Can you let me live in peace? Why do you have to keep reminding me?"

"In the hopes that one day the thought of it won't make you sick or angry," he replied, opening the door of the room.

Your strong gaze faltered, "What are you- in love with me?"

"No," Eunseok shook his head, "I could learn to though, if you wanted me to."

"The only thing I want from you is to be far away from me," you ran your hands through your hair to soothe yourself, "And even that you can't do."

"I'm sorry, Y/N. Thanks for letting me stay," Eunseok gave up on his tyranny and dropped his voice, "Happy birthday."

You muster up a near half-smile, turning to return to your bed where you'd be tossing and turning until your alarm went off, "Goodnight Eunseok."

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

The worst thing about your arrangement with Eunseok was that it was kept secret.

Of course, it was an open secret in your families and to the company- and there were always rumours about it since you two ended up always together around the world. But it wasn't like it was announced to the world at any point to protect the prospective merger happening when you and Eunseok came of age.

That made relationships very hard indeed. It always had to end in heartbreak, at least for the other person.

The two of you agreed that you could see other people if you wanted to, and you agreed on this the same day you had your very first heartbreak.

"Eunseok, can we talk?" you poked his side to catch his attention. Eunseok was bouncing his basketball up and down while he spoke with his friends just outside the school courts. It had been 2 months since you moved back to Korea after spending 3 years in Switzerland at boarding school, where you quickly became homesick. Eunseok followed you home immediately.

Your fiancé bid his friends goodbye and gave you a sweet smile, "Yeah of course. What's up?"

You led him to the adjacent square that was thankfully deserted and settled just under the bloomed cherry blossom tree in the middle, "Um."

Eunseok giggled at your hesitancy and pushed your hair behind your ear, "What is it?"

16 year old you blushed terrifically at that moment, highlighting your plump cheeks and shining eyes as Eunseok peered down at you.

"I know this is um, pretty stupid," you began, breaking his stare and looking down at your Prada loafers, "Well basically, my friend Jimin- you know Jimin?- she told me to-"

"Just say it, Y/N."

"I like you?"

It came out more of a question as you quirked your eyebrow up at your fiancé.

His eyes went wide, taking in a deep breath, "Y/N. You," he paused, "You like me?"

"Yeah," you exhaled, "Is that so bad? We're going to get married someday."

Eunseok looked around and noticed his friends turning the corner to the courtyard, presumably to look for him, "Look, Y/N, I'm sorry but I thought we were going to, you know, try experience life like how others do and meet people and do whatever we want to until they tell us we need to get married. I didn't think we were obliged to date."

Your eyes began to water and your lips began to quiver as sheer embarrassment sunk into your bones, "So what? You want to date around?"

Eunseok reached out to cup your face but you quickly took a step back, feeling humiliated and slightly bettayed, "I'm sorry Y/N. I didn't know you felt like this towards me. Look, can we talk later? I'll swing by your house after basketball practice, okay?"

From the ages of 0-16, you would say that you and Eunseok were close childhood friends. Even though you had no concept of marriage or love, your parents had forced the two of you to be together through every occasion with weekly play dates and attending the same schools. When you finally understood what being engaged to each other meant at around 12 years old, it made you swoon that you were going to spend the rest of your life with your best friend, who you'd always found endearingly cute. He became more handsome as the years went by and at 16, he was the object of all of your desires.

He was manly, he was protective, he was sporty and most of all, he treated you so well. He would run around town with you no question to go shopping and indulge you in all of your cravings even if you needed to have ice cream at 10pm in the dead of winter. He would take the train with you all around Switzerland to see different lakes and ski resorts. He would help you study in the library and pass you your favourite snacks whenever it seemed you were getting tired. He would give you his jacket on the breezy nights watching the local sports matches.

You were so blinded with your affection towards him that you had convinced yourself that he did those things because he liked you back. Because he wanted to treat his future wife well.

The day Eunseok stamped all over your little heart was the day you waged a one-sided war against him. Eventually, Eunseok began reciprocating your snarky attitude and the rest had been history.

You told your maids and house security to refuse entry to the grounds to Eunseok that night, but because of your parents' unconditional offer to Eunseok to make your house also his home, he had spent a good part of the night on the other side of your bedroom door trying to get you to open it so he could apologise. For a man you were once smitten for, it was easy to put on your headphones and drown him out until he got exhausted and left.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

Eunseok opens the car door for you and offers out his hand. In the darkness of his car, you grimace slightly, but force yourself to take his hand and use your free hand to smooth your dress out as you exit the car. The flashes from the press are blinding and carry on all the way up to the bottom of the staircase leading into the venue your parents had hired for the evening.

You try to keep a pleasant smile on your face as Eunseok passes his keys to the valet men before wrapping his arms around your waist. It comes nearly naturally to him, from all the photos your parents had made you pose together in dating back a decade or two. But it's your first official public appearance together, so the flashes intensify and you're taken aback. Eunseok feels you stumble slightly and begins to lead you along the carpet rolled out up to the stairs.

There's shouting from every direction- asking where your dress was from, asking if you were dating, asking why you were with the 'rival' company's son all the time- nothing new to you. After you traverse up the stairs, the two of you turn around and give a small wave at the cameras. You feel Eunseok drop his head down to yours, so you nestle yourself into him a bit more. How sweet, you thought to yourself, pushing down the urge to throw up at all this fakeness.

"Last chance to run," Eunseok murmurs as the doorman opens the glass doors into the foyer.

"Are you begging me to?" you counter, "Why do you keep insisting I back out?"

"I'm not. I just feel guilty, so I'll make up a solution if you want to stop all of this," he whispers into your ear. To others, it's an endearing moment as you keep your face neutral.

"It is all your fault. You should feel guilty. I'm not doing this for you or your family, but for my family. If this is what they want, then I'll oblige," you nod your head firmly.

While Eunseok's family was definitely benefiting more from the merger, it did come with some advantages for your family too: less competition in the market, combined success superseding the current top conglomerate, and for your parents: the knowledge that their first born child was going to have someone that was born to and raised from a good and rich family- someone that would be able to take care of you no matter what and understand your life in a way no other civilian could.

You know that your parents' argument for you to marry this guy was weak- there were plenty of good, rich guys from other companies- but you had been happy with the arrangement at the start and by the time you were 16 and he was breaking your heart, the companies had already started slowly merging or putting the plans into place. It was honestly a shame to your parents that other than rejecting you, Eunseok really had no faults. He was always polite, always courteous and intelligent enough to take over the conglomerate with you when the time would come.

Eunseok drops his arm from your waist, instead sliding his finger between yours.

"Miss. Y/L/N, Mr. Song," your family's general assistant approaches you in the foyer with a tight smile, "The event is about to begin. Please follow me to the stage. Are your speeches prepared?"

"Mhm," you hum, tugging Eunseok with you behind your assistant, "The rest of the family are here?"

"Yes. They're waiting by the stage," she replies as nerves finally settle into your stomach. You suddenly can't even look at Eunseok anymore as the gravity of the situation clicks into your mind. After this, you were going to be officially engaged in front of the world and you were going to be his bride in no less than a year from now. There was no turning back anymore.

Eunseok has to shoot you a look to stop you shaking on the stage as your father and his begin their speeches about their company, and the new era and blah, blah, blah. You tune them out in order to focus on your breathing and make sure you don't barf the second you step up to the podium. After minutes of nonsense, you feel Eunseok place his hand on the small of your back, signalling you to take to the stand.

"Um," you began, suddenly losing all the lessons you had learned in your public speaking classes growing up, "Thank you all for joining us on this occassion. As my father said, we are transitioning into a new era of our company and as I take on the role of COO, we believe it's important to have good people by your side to support you. While my family and the Songs are joining together in business, we are also joining together in family," you look over at Eunseok, who gives you a reassuring nod, "Song Eunseok and I are to be wed in one year's time. We have been close friends and partners since we were born and I couldn't imagine anyone better suited to be by my side. We can go into this business partnership fully trusting each other and our companies and we would be grateful if you could give us your support. Thank you."

You step away from the podiums as gasps ring through the crowd. The business venture was nearly an open secret in the industry, but your relationship with Eunseok was based on rumours only, having never confirmed it. Now that you have, it would stir up all these new rumours- were you only getting married for the merger? Did you two actually love each other? What about all the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes that had been conniving to get even a bit of your or Eunseok's time to beg for your hand in marriage?

Eunseok takes his place beside you, wrapping his arm around your waist again as your families smile together for the pictures. The engagement party also doubled as a celebration for the merger, so at least all of the spotlight wasn't on you.

You're glad that your friends are here. They're all business heirs too, since like attracted like at your school. Your best friend Minjeong attacks you with a hug the second you step down from the stage.

"Ah, my best friend is getting married," she sighs dreamily into your ear, "You know what, Y/N, at least he's handsome. It's harder to hate someone when they look that good."

"Then you marry him," you chide, half-joking, "The problem has never been his looks. It's the situation."

"He doesn't hate you half as much as you hate him," Minjeong tuts, "And he's in the same situation. He never got a choice either."

You know deep down that she's right, but you're committed to making his life hell until the ends of the earth for breaking your heart. If anyone could say anything about you, it was that you could hold a grudge.

"Whose side are you on?" you prod her arm, but she rolls her eyes and links arms with you to join Eunseok and his friends.

"Happy engagement, lovebirds," Sungchan greets you with two kisses on your cheeks, "So excited to be at your wedding."

"I'm sitting you at the back," you retort, sticking your tongue out. You hated that Eunseok's friends were genuinely nice and funny people. It was so hard to distance yourself from Eunseok when your friendship groups had been deeply intertwined since you all could walk.

"Not when I'm a groomsman, right Eunseok-ie?" Sungchan swings his arm around his friend's shoulder, pulling him close, "Now tell me, who's the best man?"

Eunseok shoves his arm off, "You can just draw straws for it."

"I'll be the best man, hyung," Seunghan grins cheekily, "I'll make sure to give a really good speech, okay?"

"It's almost as if it's a real wedding," you smile bitterly, "Jeong, you'll be my maid of honour right?"

"You have to ask me properly," Minjeong whines, "We're going to do this wedding right, okay? My best friend will only get married once. I'm not letting you let your wedding planner do everything; we've been planning our dream weddings since we were 10 so we'll do it according to that."

"C'mon Y/N," Wonbin bumps his shoulder with yours, "We can make it fun. We know you'd rather not marry hyung, but he had always been the groom in all the weddings you'd plan when you were young. Now it's like a dream come true."

"Yah, Park Wonbin," Eunseok grits his teeth at his friend for bringing up the past. You wince at the reminder as Minjeong slaps his arm.

"Y/N, I think your mother is calling over you and Eunseok to dance," Shotaro calls for you softly, and you turn around to see your mother desperately signalling to you to join her on the dance floor.

"I'll see you guys later," you bid your friends a goodbye as you follow Eunseok into the crowd.

The night crawls by. It's nearly painful as you fake a smile with every passerby and acquaintance who congratulates you for your engagement. It feels like you're getting stabbed in the heart over and over again as everyone coos over how in love the two of you seem and how they always knew you were going to end up together. It crushes you as Eunseok leans down to your ear while you dance, apologising for how this was your life.

You get into his car after the party. The ride home is silent, apart from the noise of the city around you that seeps in even through the rolled up windows. Eunseok won't even dare breathe too loud in fear of making your life even less like what you had dreamed it to be.

He pulls up to your house and you make a quick move to unbuckle your seatbelt and open the door in one motion, but Eunseok wraps his hand around your wrist gently, bringing you back down.

"What is it now, Song?" you sigh in frustration, closing your eyes in defeat.

"I know this night has made your hatred for me 10 times worse," Eunseok begins, shuffling in his seat to reach into his inside pocket, "And I know that what we have isn't real to you, but I thought you at least deserved this."

Your eyes flutter open and you look over to him. He uncurls his clenched hand, unveiling a shiny ring in the middle of his palm. You bite back the gasp that bubbles up through your throat, and you reluctantly take the ring between your fingers without looking at him.

It's exactly your dream ring. It's what you imagined the love of your life to propose with when you were younger. It's what you wanted to be someone's physical manifestation of their love and devotion to you. That makes it all the worse when it comes from Eunseok.

"I remembered," Eunseok reads your mind, "When we went ring shopping when we were young for fun because you wanted to make sure I would propose with the right ring. I hope it's still what you want."

You can't bear to look at Eunseok at all, so you clench the ring in your hand and open the door, "Goodnight Eunseok. Thank you. Get home safely."

There's 100 steps between your front door and your bedroom. It takes what's left of your energy to hold back the sobs that threaten to escape prematurely. As soon as your bedroom door clicks shut, you collapse against your floor and break down in tears.

Why did Song Eunseok have to be such a good man? Why did you have to hate him? He was yours now, and that was what younger you wanted all along. Why were you taking it out on him? You had been holding onto a grudge for so long and he had been trying to make amends in private ever since, despite going along with your whole enemies thing for his own fun.

You hated how you knew that Song Eunseok could and would give you the life you wanted. You hated how all you wanted to do was love him like it was your choice and for him to love you back like it was his. But in this world, you were privileged enough to have everything you ever wanted, aside from the choice to love whoever you wanted to.

You hated how you didn't even have a choice in loving someone who didn't love you back.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

You fought with Eunseok nearly every time that you saw him through your university years. You found problems in the way he positioned himself too close to you and problems in the way he would distance himself and act like strangers when you did complain about that. You found problems in the way he didn't talk to other girls despite rejecting you and found problems when he would go on dates after you said that.

In short, Song Eunseok was a problem to you.

Yizhuo was forcing shots into your hands and demanding that you downed them with her as you tried to tune back in to the party going on around you. You couldn't think of anything else the second that Song Eunseok walked through the door arm in arm with some girl.

It was the last party of your undergraduate university days, since exams had finished and you were going to graduate in just a couple of weeks. Someone had rented out some kind of manor in the outskirts of Oxford, dedicated for everyone to stay at and party for a weekend. You knew the organiser through a friend of a friend, but everyone that had been invited was someone you either knew personally or knew of. The spoilt brats community at your university was large, but tight.

You obliged Yizhuo's request and bitterly downed the drink, hissing as it burned through your tracts, "What is this? It tastes disgusting."

"Alcohol isn't made to taste nice," she tutted at you, following your line of sight before sighing, "I guess it's time to get you more so you don't have to be sober looking at that."

Minjeong shook her head on the other side of you, "I can't believe he would bring someone here. He knew you'd be here. So disrespectful."

You saw that Eunseok was about to turn, so you quickly spin away in order to avoid eye contact, "It doesn't matter to me. We're not dating."

"But he's your fiancé," Yizhuo stomped in defiance, "He should have some respect for you."

"Since he didn't want to date me, i'd rather him date other people. Then it just looks like he rejected me because he didn't like me as a person," you affirmed, taking another shot with Minjeong.

"Y/N, please. You were 16 when you confessed and 16 year old boys don't have the most mature outlook on life," Minjeong argued, coughing after the bitter shot, "I'm sure he's not stupid anymore. You grew up hot and he's practically tripping over his own feet trying to chase after you."

"He's not chasing me," you scoffed, "He brought a girl here."

"Oh, you're impossible, Y/N," Yizhuo cried out, beginning to slur, "What do you actually want that poor boy to do? Even I would be confused with the way you act."

Your best friends have been trying to knock sense into you since you turned 18 and Eunseok gave up his dream to study at Harvard to be with you in England. They had claimed that Eunseok realised his feelings for you and wanted to make up for rejecting you. You claimed that if that was his intention, he would have told you that by now instead of pestering you by inserting himself into your new life without reason.

"He can do whatever he wants," you turned your nose up, "I don't care about him."

"Well you better act that way. He's coming," Minjeong warned you, suddenly disappearing with Yizhuo and leaving you stranded with your fiancé walking towards you.

It honestly felt like the grim reaper floating over in slow motion before he came to collect your soul. You fought hard to control the grimace on your face as he stopped in front of you.

"Y/N," he greeted softly, leaning in to give you a hug. You stood still, but you don't push him away. You ignored the way your heart skipped a beat when he pressed his cheek gently against the top of your head.

"Eunseok,"

"How were exams? You're graduating this year, right?" his head is tilted at you, eyes focused into yours.

"Why are you even asking? I'm sure you know my plans for the next 10 years considering you're still following me around," you scoffed, "Does your new girl know you're moving to New York after graduation so you can stalk me while I do my masters?"

"Are you jealous?" he smirked suddenly, gentle demeanour disappearing, "She's just a friend."

"Does she know that? I don't care what you do, Song. I just feel bad for the poor girl whose heart you're going to break when you tell her you're engaged," you feigned nonchalance, pouring yourself another shot, "I guess it's my fault for telling you to have your fun and experience things since apparently you'll be so devoid of love when you get married."

"Y/N," he trailed off, grabbing the soju bottle that had appeared in your hands, "You know it's not like that. I didn't mean it like that when I reject-"

"Save it, Song," you rolled your eyes, "Your girl is coming. Don't go blaming me when time comes to break her heart."

You turned away in time and managed to snatch back your alcohol before arms wrap around Eunseok's and a high pitch voice squeals to him about how she lost him. You find Sungchan somewhere in the crowd and convince him to call you a taxi to take you back into the town where your apartment was. Before he could even confirm the booking, you had already disappeared into the crowd, the shots you had taken truly seeping into your blood and making your head spin.

You don't really remember what happened the rest of that night, but if you try hard enough, you can remember being tucked into a bed on the third floor, big eyes peering down at you as you tossed under the duvet, a hunched figure sat at the end of the bed on the floor and a soft voice singing you to a deep slumber.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

"It's gorgeous, darling," your mother's voice takes you out of the focus mode you're in. The sunlight seeps through the stained glass, illuminating the sunroom at the back of your house. If you look down through the windows, you'd find the garden that your mother has been cultivating for decades. The rose garden with its arches and its vines was where you'd dreamed to get proposed to when you were young.

"You think so?" you showed her the sketch in full, turning the pad, "Do you think it's easy enough to create in real life?"

"We can make anything you want happen," your mother takes a seat in the lounge chair next to yours.

"Can you make Eunseok love me back?" you hum dejectedly, shading in the corset of what would be your wedding dress.

"He does, sweetheart. You just refuse to see it," your mother swiftly utters, and you stop your drawing, clenching the pencil tightly in your fist.

"Why does everyone say that?" you growl, "Everyone but Eunseok."

"Because you act like you hate him. You act like marrying him is the worst thing in the world. You act like there's nothing he could say or do that would bring him back into your favour despite you loving him all these years," your mother is lecturing you now, "He follows your lead, my darling. He will go to the ends of the earth for you and he always has. What more does he have to do for you to accept the way he shows his love? What more can he do to have your forgiveness?"

There's tears welling up in your eyes and your mother takes the drawing pad away from you to examine the dress you had envisioned. She carries on while you chew your lip and fight back the tears.

"You're going to be beautiful in this dress. One year's time will fly by, so make amends with Eunseok by then. Even if you don't go into this marriage as lovers, at least go into it as friends. That will make your life easier."

"I don't want to be friends," you grit out.

"Mhm, you want all or nothing. Why don't you ask him, then? He threw the ball in your court when he asked you if this marriage is what you want. Someone who doesn't love you or care about you wouldn't give you the option to run away to save yourself, you know?" you hate how insightful your mother is as she grabs your left hand, "This ring is beautiful, Y/N. He knows your heart like it's his."

"Cause it is his," you choke as the tears begin falling, "And he stamped all over it 8 years ago."

"He was just a young boy back then. He's followed you all over the world to be by your side ever since. He's sacrificed his own life to make your dreams come true. You have no choice but to marry each other, but he's been making choices to give you the life you wanted," she strokes your hair gently, "Can you give the boy a chance?"

Over the years, your parents had apologised to you for putting you in such a situation. They had told you that if you truly, inside your heart, didn't want to get married to Song Eunseok, they would call the whole thing off. The marriage was a way to ensure the merger wouldn't go awry by putting you and Eunseok as collateral if one side ever did try to betray the other. Tying the two of you together in marriage was a way to prevent either families from ruining the other.

You considered putting a stop to things more times than you could count on your fingers, but selfishly, you would imagine yourself on a rocking chair on a porch, hair grey and skin wrinkly and when you would look over to see who would be on the other chair, Eunseok was the only one you could imagine with you.

"But I've treated him so horribly all these years," you hiccup, trying to stop your crying, "There's no way that Eunseok would love someone like me."

"Because you won't let him," she stands up and places the drawing pad back in your lap, "Y/N, your father and I love you very much and all we want is your happiness. We haven't opposed this marriage despite how hard you've tried to push Eunseok away because we know that if you let him, he would make you truly happy. You're the only person stopping that happiness."

You ponder on her words for a while after she leaves, adding little details to your dress. For someone who was acting like this wedding was going to ruin their life, you sure were investing a lot of your free time into it. Maybe Minjeong had gotten into your head; unless you planned to divorce Eunseok (after the 5 year clause, per the contract), you were only going to get married once, so you should at least do it in your style.

Wonbin was right at your engagement party. You'd been planning your wedding since young. You knew exactly which flowers you wanted to adorn the aisle, which flavour of cake you wanted to eat, which song was going to play while you walked down the aisle, and whose eyes you wanted on you on the other side as you did. Eunseok had always been your dream man- he was your first crush, your first love and your first heartbreak all rolled up into one devastatingly handsome package. You imagined him in his crisp suit, laughing through his tears because you just looked so beautiful, and the thought of that takes you out of your fantasy and back into the room that was filled not with tears of happiness, but of silence.

You look down at the ring. The sun is hitting it perfectly, making the diamond shimmer in the beam. You slide it off and inspect the band for the first time, wondering what size he got since you didn't even know your size. Your heart stops when you first notice it. It's so small that if you blinked at that moment, you probably wouldn't have even noticed it and you would've lived the rest of your life not knowing it was there.

You run your nail against the engraving, your breath hitched as you read it.

To the one I'll always choose.

It's always been about choice. This whole time, it's been about your freedom to choose.

You and Eunseok weren't born with the privilege of choosing the one who was going to love you so hard that it would drive you crazy. You were instead born with a silver spoon in your mouth and a signed contract that because your family was going to have a girl first, that girl would be married to the Song's first born when the time came.

There was no question or argument about it. You grew up beside Eunseok knowing you were going to spend the rest of your life together, so you chose to learn everything about him. You chose to learn that he loved playing basketball with his friends and that he became silly and unserious when around them. You chose to learn that he doted on his much younger baby brother and that he would fight anyone and anything that could bring harm to him. You chose to learn that Eunseok had a soft heart that had its very own soft spot reserved just for you- one that grew bigger after your hatred for him did as well.

While you chose to hate Eunseok for rejecting you, he chose to stick by your side anyways. He chose to join you in Oxford, even if most of his friends went to America to study. He chose to live at the block just down the street from yours, so he could walk behind you to lectures and check that you were okay every day without overwhelming you. He chose to sleep on hard floors and wake up with kinks in his neck because he chose to sing you to sleep while you were drunk and then refused to leave to sleep in a nice bed so he could watch over you and protect you in your state. He chose to take on a job in New York for two years instead of joining his father's company straight out of business school so that you had someone to accompany you on your midnight walks through New York City. He chose to give you the choice to leave if marrying him was truly a burden you couldn't bear, because your happiness was the grand reward of the consequences that he would bear in your place.

When you chose to hate him, Eunseok let love grow in the emptiness that you left behind instead. He would choose you a million times over and over again until the day you'd finally see it. Your hatred for the situation stemmed from the fact that you thought your choices were stripped away in being arranged to marry. You wanted Eunseok to love you not because he had to, but because it was his choice to.

You were too blind by your rage to see that Eunseok had been choosing you over and over again not because of the arrangement, but in spite of it. That was the greatest love of them all.

-

On the next sunny day, Eunseok joins you on the bench in the middle of the rose garden. You'd been sketching up ideas on how you want the aisle to look like. You were thinking light flowers along the bottom with candles dispersed to illuminate it. In your dreams, you'd get married at sunset in a glass pavilion that could hold only your closest friends and families. As the sun started dipping, the candles would take over as the source of light and bathe everyone in a soft, golden glow. In your dreams, the light would reflect onto Eunseok's face, highlighting his sharp cheekbones and large, round eyes that were peering down into yours.

"What did you call me over for?" Eunseok sits on his hands and looks around. It's spring time and the garden is at its most vibrant and beautiful.

You hold out your hand in front of you, "I found the engraving on the ring."

Eunseok takes a sharp breath in, "Ah you did?"

"Did you not want me to see it?"

"I had just hoped that whenever you did see it, you would believe it," Eunseok whispered, "It's true, by the way."

"I know," your response has Eunseok turning his head so fast it almost gives him whiplash.

"You do?"

"Mhm. You chose to follow me around the world despite me hating you and you having to give up on your dream schools just so you could try to prove yourself to me. You chose to keep giving me gifts on birthdays when we were abroad since my family often couldn't make it. You always choose me. Why?"

"In part to make amends for the mistake I made when I was young pushing away your feelings like that without thought," Eunseok explained, "But for the most part because I care about you and I want to make the best of a bad situation we're in. I know that no one wants to be in an arranged marriage. I just wanted to show you that I could give you the life you wanted. That you could be happy with me."

Your heart aches at his words as you realise how truly misguided your perception of him was. You had thought that he was following you around to torment you and to remind you that you could never be free, but all this time, he was letting you live your dreams and staying by your side to show that he was supporting you.

"I've treated you so badly over the years and you still want to marry me?" you meet his eyes that have been trained on you since the moment he sat down.

Eunseok giggles and reaches up his warm palm to your cold face, "Hm, your words are harmless Y/N. You've shown your affection to me in other ways; I know you love me."

You roll your eyes and push his hand away, "In your dreams, Song."

"Mhm, actually in your dreams," Eunseok teases, "Considering you've been dreaming about marrying me for 10 years."

"And I don't know why. I must be sick in the head for that. Did you hit me in the head when we were young or something?" you retort, trying to move away from him.

Eunseok lets out a full-bodied laugh that sends butterflies through you instead of the burning rage that usually ensued whenever he was having fun in front of you. He stretched his arm around you behind the bench and pulled you closer to him, "Just admit it, Y/N. Everyone knows you've had a fat crush on me since we were teens and it's only ever grown. There's a very, very fine line between love and hate."

"I still hate you," you grumble, "This doesn't mean anything."

Eunseok drops his head down, pushing your head into his shoulder. Your first instinct is to recoil away and grimace, but Eunseok's grip on your shoulder is tight, so you try to relax in his hold.

"You'll always be my girl, Y/N. You just have to accept that."

You hum and watch the bees buzz around the rose garden, "I've always wanted the whole ordeal- the crushing, the pining, the courting, going on dates, having your firsts, moving in together, proposing how you want. I feel like that was taken away from me before I even knew what they were and even if we do those things, how would I know what's real and what's fake? What you're doing because of me and what you're doing because of the arrangement- that kind of stuff."

Eunseok's heartbeat is slow and strong, "The arrangement only brought us to each other. How can I make you believe that everything I do for you is because I want to?"

"How about we start with when you rejected me and left poor little 16 year old me heartbroken?"

Eunseok scoffs, "Y/N, I was stupid, okay? It was a mistake, I was young and I was too blind to see what was in front of me. You were still special to me back then and I have always cared for you, but I didn't know what I wanted back then. I grew up and haven't looked back since."

"And the girls you brought around at university?"

"Because you were demanding that I dated other people," Eunseok rolls his eyes, thinking about your past explosive arguments about relationships, "I just went on dates here and there, but never anything serious. I always let them know that I couldn't commit, but you know there was a line wrapping around Oxford wanting to date me."

You chuckle at that. Everyone was falling over their feet for the chance to get just a second of Song Eunseok's time, the same way he was doing to you. He was incredibly popular and girls would approach you to ask you to set them up, but you would always growl and send them on their way.

"You were only the most eligible bachelor because you're the son of the third richest family in Korea," you sneer, jokingly.

"And I'm handsome, charming, intelligent and kind," Eunseok lists off his traits on his fingers, "But everyone knows you've always had my heart."

"I don't know if I can believe that."

He shrugs simply beside you, "Doesn't matter. I can show you now."

"What?"

"We can date from now on. I'll show you how I feel. Then in one year's time, you'll be gladly getting married to me instead of having to be dragged up the aisle kicking and screaming by your family," he says it so casually that you question if the shocked reaction you're having is the abnormal one.

"Date?" you splutter out, completely bewildered, pulling away from him, "Us two? Now?"

"Why are you saying it like it's crazy? I basically just confessed to you," Eunseok crosses his arms in front of his chest and tilts his head in confusion, "Are you rejecting me? Is this payback?"

You wave your hand in dismissal, "Yah, you're really confusing me here, Eunseok. I don't know what I'm feeling right now."

He laughs again, and he's glad that he can finally laugh with you for the first time in years. He takes your hand between his and squeezes assuringly, "It's okay. We can figure it out together as we go. Just stay by my side, okay?"

You sigh into the breeze. The air was crisping up as the sky began to illuminate in visions of pink and purple. You look over at Eunseok and the reflection of the sun makes his eyes look iridescent. One thing you've always known about Eunseok is that with him, you felt safe, so you nod and squeeze his hand back, "Yeah."

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

The first time you saw Eunseok again after your undergraduate graduation, it was in New York City at the end of summer.

You had spent the entire summer travelling nearly every country in Europe with your friends, while Eunseok was forced to come home and start learning how to actually work in his father's company before he started his role at the New York branch. You were glad to have this summer without him considering the two of you spent your summers together as children and as teens, your friendship groups overlapped so you also had to hang out with him.

There were endless boxes in your apartment since decorating your space was one of your life's great pleasures. The boxes were organised by room and had been shipped out from England at the start of the summer when you moved out. They'd been collecting dust, so all your windows were thrown open in the summer heat to air out the apartment and the dust. Of course you had AC, but there was something about the noise of the city traffic and the hustle and bustle travelling up to your apartment that made you feel like you were truly in the city.

The knock on your door made you groan instantly and you had to suppress the urge of banging your head into the coffee table you were decorating. You took small and slow steps to the front door, but the pattering on the door wasn't letting up.

"Already here to bother me on my first day? It's only been like 3 hours since I got off the plane," you sighed as you came face to face with your dreaded fiancé.

Eunseok rolled his eyes and pushed past your shoulders into your kitchen, "I know you missed me. I brought takeout since you probably haven't eaten and don't have any food yet." Eunseok held up a bag of his favourite Korean food in the city and placed it on your dining table, dishing out the styrofoam boxes.

He arrived in the city a week and a half before you did, moving into the apartment across the hall so he had been able to get himself settled into both his job and his city before you came to rain down terror on him.

"What makes you think I want to eat with you?"

"I bought it, so I'm gonna eat it. Up to you if you wanna starve or not," Eunseok shrugged, already making himself comfy in one of your expensive dining chairs. He took out some plastic cutlery from the bag and began to dig in to the beef bibimbap he had ordered for himself. There was another few boxes of food in the bag, all of which smelling amazing and instantly causing your stomach to grumble.

Sheepishly, you took the seat across from him and scavenged through the food. He had ordered you some tteokbokki and a stew with some rice. Either he knew you too well or it was a lucky guess. For the sake of your heart, you settled on the latter choice.

The two of you ate in silence for a while, not really looking up at each other and just staring passively at your food. Silence was few and far between when it came to you and Eunseok. It was always hushed arguing or full blown insulting between the two of you no matter where you went or how inappropriate it may have seemed to others. You were sure there were rumours that the two of you didn't always get on despite being photographed together so often, but your families' PR teams were experts in mangling all those 'rumours'. 

You broke the silence first, "How's the new job?"

The heir in front of you coughs and looks at you strangely, as if he couldn't believe you would ask him that, "It's... work. Not horrible and met a couple friendly colleagues. Having this job does make me feel so grown up and responsible, though," after the initial shock of you initiating a conversation, Eunseok began blabbering about his new position at his family's company.

"Well then hopefully it makes you more mature," you snide.

Eunseok scoffed, "Trust me, Y/N, when I say that I'm the more mature one out of us. You'll find out what I mean one day."

"If you were mature enough, you'd know to oppose this crazy marriage with me," you turned your head away from him, feeling the anger bubble up again.

"And it's because I'm mature enough that I'm not," he shrugged, "Unlike you, I don't think this marriage will be the worst thing that can happen to me."

"I'm honoured," you retorted, "I don't know why you think that when all I've done is make your life difficult. Why would you think I can't continue for the rest of our lives?"

He smiled coyly at you, pushing a drink that appeared in the bag towards you, "You'll get tired, sweetheart. Then you'll fall in love with me."

You feel sick at how he's all entirely wrong. Despite that, you appreciate how he's always able to diffuse any tension between the two of you even if his words are always cocky and arrogant. z

You don't say anything to him for a long while. When you finished up your food in silence, he packed everything anyway and placed it in the correct bins. Wordlessly, he began to unpack your boxes with you, unwrapping everything bubble wrapped and placing it on the kitchen counters for you to organise. You would have protested this act of service, but he's right- fighting him all the time does get tiring.

In this light from the living room as the sun setting made your apartment glow and burst with light, Eunseok looks radiant. You hope he can't see you admiring him from the next room. It's almost as if you're a normal couple, moving into their first home and starting their new life together. It's a melancholy sight as you ponder the what if's.

He breaks down all of your boxes flat, humming to himself a song that you think you've heard at the end of parties when you'd be sat on someone's bedroom floor just talking or playing cards half-drunk. Eunseok turned his head towards you and you whipped your head away so fast it hurts your neck.

"You still have this?" he held up a mug that instantly flashed you back to 6 years ago. The mug is majority a light pink and wonky in places since you made it yourself from clay. It was a few months process making and painting the mug, but when you were 15 with the biggest crush on him, having a mug brandishing "Y/N + EUNSEOK" on it made you feel giddy inside.

"All my other mugs broke," you lied through your teeth, snatching it from his grip and placing it in a random empty cupboard, "My mother packed it for me when I moved to Oxford."

"Mhm, okay," you could tell he was smirking but you made yourself busy with the plates, "I'm gonna take the boxes down to the recycling. Do you want any more help?"

"I've had enough of you for today," you breathed out. Too much time with him truly drove you crazy, "But thanks."

"Anytime, princess. I'm just across the hall if you need me and I'll get your number whenever you get it set up." he wiped his hands on his jeans and have you that charming smile that made you fall in the first place.

You see him out wordlessly. You don't argue when he turns up the next day demanding for your number in case you ever needed anything from him (or if he wanted to come and bother you). You feign annoyance when one morning he's insisting that he ran out of coffee in his apartment and wanted some of yours. You leave him in your apartment because you were running late to class, but when you get home, you open the cupboard and try not to fall all over again when you see a matching, much lumpier, handmade blue mug that brandished the words "TO FOREVER <3" on it next to yours.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

You're tossing and turning in your seat as Eunseok shakes you gently. He laughs when you groan under your breath as he wakes you up, "Sit up. We're landing soon."

The sleep you got on the flight was long, but you still woke up incredibly tired since you kept getting woken up for meals. You were grateful that you could fly first class with separate seats and beds, otherwise you'd be much more groggy than you already were.

Buckling yourself in the seat next to Eunseok's, you yawn, "Eunseok, what the fuck is an engagement trip?"

"A trip celebrating our engagement, duh," he looks at you like you're stupid, so you shove him as hard as your tired body could muster, "Like a honeymoon but before. Never too many excuses to take a vacation. Plus, we're going to be busy this trip."

You've never taken a vacation with just Eunseok before. Sure, you've lived in three different countries together outside of Korea and gone on a couple of vacations as children and with a large group of friends, but never just the two of you with a purpose.

"I don't understand why our wedding planner couldn't just pick a venue for herself and call it a day. Why must we go all the way to Italy and do it ourselves?" you're up to your neck in work, but you couldn't protest when you found a week blocked off in your calendar by your assistant, telling you it was 'orders from above' AKA your father.

"It was my idea," he confesses with a shrug, "Won't it be nice if we actually like where we're getting married? If we chose it ourselves because we can see ourselves getting married there?"

It feels like your heart is clenching at the insinuations behind his words. He wants to get involved with your wedding planning, like it's a real wedding. You sniff and turn away from him. It is a real wedding, you remind yourself. You were going to get married legally and this wedding was real, no matter the intention behind it. No matter if you loved or hated each other, it was a real wedding.

"Yeah. Everywhere in Italy is nice so at leadt it'll be a good trip," the past couple of months since you've been officially engaged to Eunseok, you've been attempting to be nicer and hold back your retorts. You've made an effort to argue less and he's been trying to get on your good side. You've both been busy with work considering the news of the merger brought a whole new wave of problems, so you've had no time to interrogate his profession to "date" you. Thank gosh, because your heart would not be able to take that.

The plane lands soon enough and before you know it, you're in a private car going to your hotel. You were staying in Milan, but driving around Lake Como and Tuscany to tour the list of potential venues that your wedding planner had come up with. You were definitely going to be exhausted by the end of it.

The drive was relatively silent, just listening to music and looking out of the window, but when you arrive at the hotel, Eunseok opens the car door for you and snakes his arm around your waist as you walk up to the front desk, "Hello. We're checking in to the penthouse suite. For Song?"

The hotel clerk smiles sweetly, handing over your keys swiftly, "All ready for you both, Mr Song. Congratulations on your engagement."

You're spluttering a thank you with flushed cheeks as Eunseok drags you over to the elevator, "You told them?"

"I just wanted the free champagne that I assume will be up there," he grins cheekily and you roll your eyes. As if he couldn't afford it.

You are however delighted to find a small cake beside the bucket of ice cold champagne and you dig into the red velvet goodness as you watch Eunseok open up your suitcases and hang your clothes up in the master bedroom wardrobe meticulously. You're halfway into the cake when he drags his suitcases out of the room.

"Wait, where are you going?" you frown.

Eunseok snickers, "To the other bedroom? Why? Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Oh. I just didn't know there were two rooms." you say sheepishly.

Eunseok stops in his tracks, hand on his suitcase loosening, "So you went into this trip okay with the thought of sleeping with me? If so, I'll stay here with you then."

"No!" you call out, "Just- just shut up and go."

The smirk on his face is smug as he nods and continues his leave, "Alright, sweetheart, but let me know if you get nightmares and want company."

You bear the butter knife at him and he laughs melodically on his way out. You pop the champagne yourself and drown a glass down, hoping you'd be able to make it out the trip unscathed. He's running into the room with a pout after hearing the loud pop of the corkscrew, so you pour the both of you a glass and you clink them together as you chugged them back.

The days pass by similarly. You wake up and have breakfast together before embarking on a sleepy drive to a venue. You have lunch in endless terraces and gardens under the sun, basking in the heat and evaluating the venue you saw that morning. You both ooh and ahh at different venues that all look the same before you find a flaw in it that stops you from making the decision to host one of the most important days of your lives there. Some are too big, some too small, too pretentious, not pretty enough, the flowers aren't the ones you envisioned, the location too secluded or not enough. You always agree on the flaws of the venues and it's the penultimate full day when you make it to the final venue on the list.

"If I don't like this venue then I'm not marrying you," you huff in the car as it pulls up the driveway.

"Who knew wedding venues were so complicated?" Eunseok exhales in frustration, "Should we just get married in Seoul?"

You puff out your lips, "Italy was always my dream, but I was naive to the process."

Eunseok smiles and takes your hand, "I have faith in this one. At least I hope." The commitment he has to giving you your dream wedding despite it all is unwavering.

When you enter the final venue, you think that maybe it was the last on the list for a reason, since you're blown away every step you take through the grounds. The hallways to the main room is ornate and delicate at the same time, with pretty floral paintings wrapping the walls and big windows letting in the golden light. The room where your reception could be held is stunning with murals all over the walls and a dome ceiling that compliments it perfectly. It's neither too big, nor too small and there's little nooks and crannies for guests to nestle themselves in. You could see yourself in the middle, slow dancing with your head on your husband's shoulder.

"This is nice," Eunseok awes, coming up behind you with the grounds manager, "Very pretty."

You nod in agreement and ask to see the gardens, since you always wanted to get married outside in the sun. The manager gushes over the outside while she leads you out and your heart is pounding in anticipation. Eunseok probably guessed how giddy you were, because he joins you by your side and gives you a hopeful look.

"We're here. Most brides start from here and have the aisle straight down to the arch."

She throws open the double doors and you gasp in admiration at the sight in front of you. The stairs going down to the garden seen steep, but grand. You envision that your father could probably help you hobble down to the garden, where it was staged as a wedding venue. There's chairs laid out in rows, decorated in tulle and bows with an aisle adorned in flowers. At the end of the garden, there's an arch with vines wrapped around it and flowers creeping up. From where you were standing, you could see that this garden was actually on a balcony overlooking a lake that seemed to be glowing and sparkling as the slight wind caused some ripples on the surface

"I'll give you two some time to explore?" she proposes, to which Eunseok nods and wraps his hand around your wrist, tugging you down the stairs.

"First impressions?" he's looking around with blown out pupils as the two of you reach the bottom of the stairs and the beginning of the aisle.

"I like this one a lot," you shyly admit, "It's exactly what I imagined."

"I love it as well. Why don't you walk down the aisle and see how you feel. Imagine yourself on the day," he's taking off in front of you, running swiftly to the arch before you could even take a breath and get a word out.

At his antics, you let out a full-belly laugh and straighten out the ivory dress you happened to be wearing. You look down at the slip dress hitting your ankles and think it might be fate you chose to wear this specific dress on this specific day. You look up and find Eunseok suddenly frozen still at the other end, hands intertwined in front of him and his eyes trained solely on you.

When he notices that you meet his eyes, he gives you a gentle smile as he mouths to you, "Come here."

It takes you a few breaths to actually muster up the courage to follow his direction. You think that walking down a straight path shouldn't be such a big deal, but the thought that this could be the very steps you take to marry the same man at the end in less than a year's time strikes your heart.

The aisle is a soft and smooth stone, perfect for walking on in high heels. It's wide enough that a wedding dress wouldn't drag along the sides and knock over the flowers and long enough for anticipation to build as Eunseok gazes down at you from afar.

"Y/N," Eunseok calls over.

You take the first step and your breath catches in your throat. All you can look at is Eunseok now, with his shirt unbuttoned at the first three to expose some chest and his hair falling over his eyes. He keeps fidgeting with his fingers, as if he couldn't stand still and his lips are puckering and stretching as if he had much more to say.

The second step is easier than the first and the third one even more so. By the fifth step, Eunseok is chewing on his bottom lip and you're ridden with anticipation to meet him at the end.

With each step you take down the aisle, you're flashed back to all the crucial moments in your life with Song Eunseok so far.

You were sandbox best friends. You learned to walk together, and then ride bikes with each other. You learned to swim in the same swimming pool that still remained in your garden. You learned to ski and snowboard with each other in the blustery mountains of the alps. You were each other's first heartbreaks when you were teens. You took your first alcoholic drink together with your friends by the Han river, faces flushed red and hearts beating out of your chests at the prospect of getting caught. You got blackout drunk together for the first time during your first week of university. You posed together as you threw your graduation caps up in the air at the end of the three years. You chased each other around New York City, running around in blocks after he snatched your phone from your grasp when you would ignore him. You begrudgingly invited him to ride swan paddle boats with you in every lake and river around the city since he was the only person that would drop everything for you at a moment's notice. You would leave containers of home cooked food outside his doors when you noticed he was getting swamped with work, knowing he had the tendency to either order too much unhealthy takeout or stop eating altogether when busy.

With every step you take to meet Eunseok at the bottom of the aisle, you accept that Eunseok has been with you for every step of your life.

He's an arm's length away when you notice his eyes are glossier than usual. Eunseok refuses to break the stare between the two of you as you arrive in front of him, exactly where you would stand under the arch if you got married at this very space.

"Are you crying?" you whisper, afraid of your own voice.

He chortles and dabs at his eyes, "It's just the wind."

"Mhm," you hum, fighting back the smile threatening to expose your emotions, "What do you think?"

Eunseok takes a bold step towards you and closes the gap between your bodies. He's closer than you've ever had him and you can nearly feel his breath on your skin. It's making you dizzy but all you can do is keep your eyes on him.

"Eunseok," you murmur in a hushed tone.

His head is drifting closer down to yours, forehead nearly touching. If you moved your face even just by a centimetre, your noses would bump and you knew you wouldn't be able to stop yourself.

"Let's get married here," Eunseok nudges his face forwards. You have to stop yourself from pulling back even with the drumming in your chest, "You're going to look so beautiful. You do already."

"I like this place. Our parents would like it here too."

Eunseok's eyes flutter shut as he sighs and shakes his head gently, "No, let's get married here because we want to, not because our parents would like it. Let's get married because we want to."

"Eunseok," his name falls out of your mouth like it's the most sacred word you can say.

His forehead is still pressed against yours, his eyes squeezed tight and his palm comes up to make home on your cheek, "I love you. I always have."

Sincerity drips from his words and you know that this time, it's the real thing. It's the words you'd been dying to hear him say sincerely for a decade. It's the words that underlined every fight and argument you've had as adults. He finally and bravely bares his heart to you for the first time, still considerate as he always had been by giving you the choice to determine what will end up of the two of you.

There's something different about his profession of love after all you'd experienced together. Back then, when you confessed that you liked him, the world would probably say it was just some puppy love- a silly high school crush. Something that would fizzle over and dissolve when you would experience the real hardships of life and what it could throw at you. You think that a late confession carries a profound and heartfelt meaning like no other.

"Seok-"

He cuts you off before you could finish, pulling away from you and causing you to open your eyes, "I don't need an answer yet, Y/N. I just need you to know that I want to be with you. I want to be your boyfriend, your husband, your partner- whatever you want me to be. I want to make you only happy from now on, instead of angry or resentful. I want to be by your side and keep following you around the world. I want everything with you."

You've never felt more sure of anything else in the world when you bounce up on your tiptoes and capture his face between your hands, pressing your lips against his. It feels like every nerve ending in your body is on fire, but at the same time feeling relief as if this was the one thing in the world that could finally relieve you from all the anger and bitterness you had been displaying and trying to internalise for all these years. Deep down, you could never ever hate Song Eunseok, the boy who has had your heart since you were just young.

He's rigid for a split second while he processes your own confession, but he quickly regains enough composure to part his lips and deepen the kiss, moulding your lips to each other's. It's unlike anything he's ever felt before and he finally understood the real pleasure of kissing someone you really love. As he runs his tongue along your bottom lip, Eunseok knows that he could do this for the rest of his life.

"Song Eunseok, I love you too," your eyes are glistening with adoration as you pull away from his kiss, "Let's get married?"

When he finally looks you in the eye at the moment you give yourself back to him, he can't help the tears that finally break free from their barrier. He's laughing as he finally pulls you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your body in desperation of keeping you close to him. You nuzzle deeper into him and he tucks his head into your neck. His body is shaking with the laughter of relief and his heartstrings tug when he feels his shirt dampening at the exact spot where your face laid.

"You're the one I'll always choose to love," he coo's into your ear words that travel straight into your heart, "For the rest of my life, for the rest of yours."

You look down at your hand and breathe deeply as the ring glistens on your finger. The Italian sun makes it shine bright as the symbol of your love. You start thinking of what you want to engrave on the inside of the ring that you want to get him. You start thinking of the dress and suit you'll be wearing at this very spot soon enough. You're dreaming of the house you move into together and of the company you'll spearhead by each other's side. You fantasise over your future kids- the kids you hope will have his eyes and your nose. You yearn for the life you know Eunseok will give you and your heart is finally at peace, knowing it will always be him.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

[theresa-thegalwhocriedrizz]

new byler gate alert!!!!!

(miniongate master post)

tw: i’ve got super bad grammar pls ignore it

may i introduce to u..! MINIONGATE!!!!!! the theory that ive just invented that mike wheeler and will byers are actually the henchmen of the so loved gru from the despicable me franchise!!! why do i think this? well, well, well, let me tell u!

first of all, their colors.

wowza!!! blue and yellow!!!! also for the fake minions fans, in minions the rise of gru our beloved kevin, bob and stuart fly to california (the west). blue and yellow meted in the west! whoopie!!!!!!!!!!

ok ok sooo second, minions r actually supa gay🤓gear me out!!!! there’s actually so many scenes where there are minions kissing or showing affection to each other (it’s very heart warming tbh) ei:

awwww🥺

anywho. third! so there’s this:

the minions r only stupid boys!!! mike and will believe it or not r boys also they’re stupid. visual aide⬇️⬇️⬇️

so, we’ve gone over why i think mike and will are minions. ‘now how does this relate to them smooching in the next season???’ u might be asking. well, i’m glad u asked!

alright, picture this. it’s the finale, right? everyone’s fighting whatever big bad there is, and will is being vecnaed (vecnaned? vecnaeded? vecneed???) or something. mike is by his side trying to break him out of the trance yk. vecna’s giving will all them horrible sad memories and wills like, “wa wah😭😭ily mike😭waaa i’m gay😢”. but then!!!! vecna shows will a memory that he doesn’t memeber, and will’s all confused. the memory is a minion with a bowlcut looking at a cute minion, and vecna does his scary voice over and he’s like, “mwaha😈😈😈hey bowlcut, do u ember this? heh”. and will’s like “who the flip re these minions???” vecna countinues his spooky voiceover “hah lmao stupid gay boy can’t even rember anything🤣ugh dumbo, this is when u lived with gru and michealminion😈” and then will stared remebeiing EVERYTHING!!! he membered when he was a minion and he kissed mikeminion🫢and when he helped steal the moon and doctor nefario died💔and all his other minion memories. AND THEN HE STARTED SHIMMERING😯😯😯and mike was like “erm what the sigma” so will did one of those magical girl transformations

this except it’s will byers turning into a minion. so now will is a minion, and mike is like “will why ru a minion🧐” and will catches him up on all the minion lore! and mike transforms into a minion as well. and theyre like woohoo we’re minions now, then they rember that vecans still being spooky. so they go in upside down using their minion powers. so they show up and r like “haha vecna henry 1 ur sooo ugly and stinky we dont like u😡” then mike and will use their epic gay minion powers and vecna dies🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🥳🥳🥳🥳🤩🤩🥳🥳🤩yippee! and now vecna is dead for ever! so u know what that means😏then byler gyat freaky🙁but not supa freaky they just kissed bcuz theyre 14-15 and some ppl needa get a grip🤗🤗also chappell roan started playing🫢and everything thing was right in the world cuz byler is canon!!!!!

anyways!!! thanks for reading!!!!!! let me know any of ur thoughts, theories, opinions on miniongate!!!! peace out

(⬆️art by @cmnzoq )

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; I'M DOING IT AGAIN BABY! by girl in red (Part II)

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

Nothin' ever felt like the moment I met her.

What if I didn't go out that night?

What could have been?

Can you feel the chemical reaction?

You triggered my desire and attraction.

Everything in me wants this to happen.

Maybe we should just get goin'.

This is our window to be alone.

I wonder why sometimes you just know.

I don't believe things are meant to be.

You and I are like stars aligned.

It could only lead to one thing tonight.

So alluring by the bar, with those eyes and that charm.

You're the only thing I had on my mind.

I met the rest of my life.

Let's get outta here.

I've never been so light on my feet.

She had me wrapped around her finger.

I knew I had to have her.

She was everything I've seen in my dreams.

It was a night to remember.

PICK ME

Pick me over him.

Let the loser win.

I have so many things I wanna say, but don't know how to communicate.

I'm always waitin' for you to say my insecurities drove you away.

I'm worried about it.

Of course I'm embarrassed.

I'm hiding the madness.

I'm hiding it all from you.

Yeah, how could I ever be true?

There's no amount of validation that would make this go away.

You're leaving with him?

I guess he's got something I can't give.

I might be falling apart.

I think you know I havе been from the start.

Where have you been?

Can't stop my mind and the way that it spins.

There's no reason for me to be acting up the way that I am.

Jealousy has gotten to me again.

It doesn't make any sense.

UGLY SIDE

I'm not my best today.

I'd be lying if I said it's probably a phase.

I was born with a case of imperfections and a whole lot of mental disarray,

I need to know why I'm Jekyll and Hyde,

I need to know why I have these ugly sides.

I get despicable for sure.

Does that make me unlovable?

I feel it creeping up on me when I'm not watching.

If I could make them all go quiet, that'd be something.

I'm likely doing it all wrong.

If I don't get it my way, next thing you know, the storm is on.

I need to know why I'm boiling inside.

I am the worst of me sometimes.

I can be cute and loveable.

I think I allow myself to be rude and mean to the people I love the most and the people I love the most are the ones who get the worst of me.

I don't like that, why is it like that?

NEW LOVE

I don't wanna know about your new love.

Quitting you was harder than I ever thought it'd be.

I've been in denial, but now it's hitting me.

Nothing makes more sense than to be in your arms again.

Some things never end.

Will I learn to love again?

Something 'bout it makes me want to chop my own ears off

Do you really think I can't tell you're not yourself when she's there?

How am I supposed to believe you're head over heels for someone like her?

You break and bend my heart because you can.

★★★★★

Six out of six, is it a miss?

Five-star rating and I'm writing a hit.

You gotta be delusional to be in the biz..

Lookin' for a stranger with a story to tell

I'm readin' up on history.

The fact to me is I do amazingly bad.

I make magnificent trash.

It's evеrything I have.

Can I do it again?

I said I would do it again.

[bluebird167]

Nutcracker AU

In the Victorian Era, Charlotte is a twelve year old girl with a love of fairy tales, magic, and dance. She dreams of one day becoming a professional ballerina but is very shy and insecure about her strengths, so she doesn’t allow her true talent to shine very much. Not helping is also the fact that her parents insist on her looking into finding a more practical career and they intend to send her off to a very strict boarding school after the holidays.

On the night of her last Christmas in the household, there is a grand party in which Charlotte is visited by her beloved and eccentric godparents Husk and Rosie. Husk is a world renowned magician while Rosie is a famed stage actress, the couple have spent years traveling the world to present their talents and unlike Charlotte’s parents, they encourage Charlotte’s dreams with their many tales of adventure.

When Husk is performing a trick, a nutcracker falls from his sleeve and while the other children find the wooden doll ugly, Charlotte thinks he’s cute. The other start to play roughly with the nutcracker and accidentally break it. Charlotte in turn, fixes the nutcracker and treats him very gently. She then asks Husk if she can have him but he tells her that she couldn’t possibly want the doll because he’s so ugly. Charlotte however sees nothing wrong with him.

This impresses Rosie, who proceeds to tell Charlotte a story about the nutcracker. She tells her that about a year ago, in the Kingdom of Sweets, the wretched mouse queen had ordered the kingdom’s princess to marry her despicable son Vox. However, the King refused and as punishment, the mouse queen cursed the princess to look like a hideous mouse until the King consented to the marriage. The then king sought the help of every sorcerer in the land but only the royal magician knew the answer. To free the princess and destroy the mouse queen, someone must crack the shell of darkness which is the source of her power.

The king sends many soldiers on the mission to fight the mouse queen and to crack the shell of darkness, but they all fail and end up turned into toys because none of them knew what the shell of darkness looks like. However the magician’s young nephew Alastor figures out that the shell of darkness is actually a krakatuk nut that the queen always keeps on her person. The king begs him to face the mouse queen and promises the boy, Princess Mimzy’s hand in marriage should he succeed.

Alastor tricks the mouse queen into exposing herself to him and unprotected by her guards and manages to snatch the nut and crack it. The curse is on the princess and all the princes are broken and the mouse queen dies, but with her last breath, she utters a curse that turns Alastor into a nutcracker and her son Vox escapes, swearing to one day avenge his mother.

Charlotte’s father overheard the story and angrily berates Husk and Rosie for encouraging Charlotte to believe in childish fantasies, demanding that the time has come for her to grow up and leave dreams and fairy tales behind. Charlotte runs away to cry, her godparents come in to say goodnight, and give her the nutcracker doll as a gift. Charlotte thanks them and assured them that she’ll never grow up or tire of their stories. But Rosie wisely advises her that growing up is unavoidable and that her parents are right that she needs to leave some childhood dreams behind. Some, not all.

Later that night, Charlotte wakes up to find mice stealing her nutcracker. She chases them into the drawing room and stops them. Suddenly the grandfather clock chimes and Charlotte finds herself shirking and at the same time, changing into a beautiful young woman.

The Mouse King Vox then appears, announcing his desire to destroy the nutcracker for revenge, and becoming rather taken with Charlotte’s beauty, deciding that she would make a perfect replacement bride in place of Princess Mimzy. However before he can claim Charlotte, the nutcracker comes to life and defends her. But there are too many mice and they almost over power him, until Charlotte knocks out Vox by throwing her slipper at him forcing the rodents to retreat down a hole.

Once the fight ends, the nutcracker finally notices his change in appearance and his both horrified and confused, revealing to Charlotte that her godmother’s story is actually true and that the nutcracker was in fact once a boy called Alastor. Both Charlotte and Alastor don’t have the slightest idea of what’s happening but seek answers when a mysterious small door appears on the old grandfather clock.

Going inside the clock they travel up a stairway into the domain of the Clock-Maker (who resembles Husk). He tells the two of them that since the defeat of the mouse queen, her vengeful son Vox had become the new ruler of the mice and learned how to use her dark power to takeover the Kingdom of Sweets. The former king had fled to the sheltered city with his daughter, which is guarded by a wall.

When Charlotte asks if anything can be done, he says that their only hope is love. Alastor and Charlotte  conclude that if Princess Mimzy honors the promise to marry Alastor then the all will be restored. Meaning Alastor will regain his true form, and Charlotte will regain her true size and age. The two are then given a map to the Sheltered City and to get there they must travel through the Snowflake Forest and The Valley of Flowers. 

During the trip Charlotte and Alastor encounter the victims of  Vox’s magic, inhabitants who were turned into toys and then subjected to the mice cruelly tormenting and breaking them. Charlotte and Alastor can’t help but stop and fix all the broken toys. Among them is Vagatha a flower fairy and Anthony a snow fairy who were turned into dolls, and end up accompanying the two on their journey. When the toys learn who Alastor is, they praise him as their long awaited hero but Charlotte notices that these praises make Alastor uncomfortable.

When they’re alone, Alastor admits that he’s not sure if he can actually defeat Vox and that he never wanted to be a hero or marry a princess. He was only a child when he discovered how to crack that nut and it was discovered on whim. He only agreed to try to crack the nut because he felt sorry for Mimzy and even though he succeeded, he still ended up getting turned into a wooden doll. Charlotte understands his fear and voices her own fears on growing up and being sent away to boarding school. This leads Alastor and Charlotte to share a romantic dance in the snow, falling in love. 

The dance is observed by a jealous Vox, who captures their friends the next day along with many other subjects, and threatens to have his mouse army chew them to bits unless Charlotte and Alastor surrender to him. They continue on to the Sheltered City where they plead to the former king and the princess for help. But the king cowardly refuses and Mimzy cruelly rejects Alastor, stating that she’s far too pretty to marry a homely doll. This hurts Alastor, Charlotte comforts him, and despite their fear, they decide to face Vox together.

Charlotte and Alastor go to the ruined Kingdom of Sweets and he challenges Vox to a duel. While they fight, Charlotte frees all of Vox’s prisoners and they fight back against the mice. The battle rages on, but the mice eventually start chewing the toys and rendering them powerless. Vox has Alastor cornered and hanging over a bonfire, intending to burn him. To save Alastor’s life, Charlotte agrees to marry Vox, but Alastor, unable to bear the thought of his true love being doomed to such a fate, throws himself into the bonfire. Charlotte then jumps after him, declaring out loud that she’ll save him and that she loves him. 

As they fall, they embrace and try to shelter the other from the flames but instead of the two of them burning to death, they are caught and Vox is destroyed. Alastor then transforms into a handsome young man, all the toys return to their true forms, and the Kingdom of Sweets is restored. The Sugar Plum Fairy (who resembles Rosie) appears and she declares that Charlotte and Alastor’s love for each other is what broke the spell and as a reward, they will rule over all as Prince and Princess. 

A banquet is held in the couple’s honor and once again, Charlotte and Alastor perform a romantic dance in which they profess their love for each other and wish to be together forever. They kiss and leave in sleigh ride to take them home but during the ride, Charlotte falls asleep in Alastor’s arms. When Charlotte wakes up she’s back home, is a little girl again, and her nutcracker is gone. When she can’t find him, she begins to cry. Her parents comfort her and her father apologizes for being so hard on her, saying she doesn’t have to go to boarding school and that some childhood dreams are worth holding on to. Charlotte is relieved, but assures her parents that she’s not afraid to grow up anymore.

Later they are invited to have dinner with Husk and Rosie, where Lucifer apologizes for his behavior and is forgiven. Charlotte then asks her godparents if they know where her nutcracker is, and they ask in turn, why would she care what happens to an ugly doll? She then declares that the nutcracker would never be ugly in her eyes and that she would always love him no matter what he looked like. Pleased with her answer, Husk and Rosie introduce her to their thirteen year old nephew whom Charlotte instantly recognizes as Alastor. He tells Charlotte that he returns her then asks her to grow up with him and marry him once they become adults. She accepts and they live Happily Ever After throughout their childhood and into their adulthood.

[azzahrahumaira]

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Today has been a really tough day for me

There were many things happening at school

I was alone; weeping buckets of tears upstairs

Nobody was there to tell me it's gonna be okay

Nobody was there to patiently listening to me

Nobody was there to say "you've got this zah"

Nobody was there to uplift and cheer me on

I kept crying and crying for what felt like eternity

I ended up thinking about jumping off building

But somehow I remembered Palestinian people

I remembered their cute faces and their voices

I remembered how unstained their hearts are

I remembered how unbreakable their faith is

I knew my pain was nothing compared to theirs

I then remembered my purposes and my dreams

That I must stay alive if I really want to help them

I can not give up if I wanna be part of their cause

I can never quit if I wanna help liberate Palestine

I know your hearts feels so heavy right now,

But I am here, I have always been here for you,

So, let's break it all down, shall we, zah?

[let's just omit the desire to jump part] here it is:

Today, a lot of bad things have happened. She is one year older than me and is my fella teacher in this school, but she did something to me that hurt me so much I couldn't stand it. So I selfishly left my responsibilities, ran upstairs as quickly as I could, and then I cried in another teacher's classroom. Nobody was there so I could ugly cry and let myself drown in the ocean of sadness for hours. I am sure as hell I looked like a wrecked ship—no spirit and absolutely no hope. I cursed her and many other people repeatedly, as if I am angelic and has never made mistakes in my entire life. [She did make a mistake, but it doesn't mean she's devil. She's just a normal human being, remember zah? But yeah, I know it hurts. It does hurt when someone did something like that to you. It's okay, zah. It's okay. I understand] I lingered in that classroom a little longer and then I went downstairs. With the remnants of my energy,I cleaned my messy classroom [you rarely clean, organize and declutter your bedroom but you clean your classroom every single damn day, why? because you pretend to be a good girl and don't want people to know how messed up you are? anyways forget it] and then head in the parking lot. When I was about to leave, I couldn't help but crying some more. Then all of a sudden I was caught by the janitor. He asked "what are you doing there?" He saw me crying! It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. I'd rather disappear than experience embarrassing moments like this. I ignored him, and I started driving my motorcycle. On the way home, I didn't stop crying. I was crying so much today it almost felt like I was running out of tears.

You know, I hate a lot of people. I hold resentment and grudges for many people for years like my life depends on it. Believe me or not, I never, not even once, forget the bad things people have done to me. That's why I have never been good at forgiving people—not because I can't, but because I don't want to. Once I hate someone, I will give my all in making sure I will never forgive them. But you know what, no matter how evil people are, in all honesty, no one has ever been more ruthless than I have been to myself. Isn't it ironic, because I am someone who loves encouraging, uplifting, and advocating self-love to other people—and yet I am also someone who has always been doing many despicable things to myself. I deeply care about a lot of people but more often than not I just treat myself like shit. I always check in on people and ask how they've been but oftentimes I just don't give a damn about myself. I love some people so much I could die for them if needed, but I barely even take care of myself.

Yeah, a bunch of people have done evil wrongdoings to me, but none of them has ever tried to literally kill me. I was the one who kept feeding the suicidal thoughts that were inside of my freaking mind and acted upon them—I was the one who ran away and almost jumped off of the bridge in the middle of the night in my own volition, I was the one who tried to get into motorcycle accident multiple times, I was the one who always wanted to jump off of tall somethings but never got the chance to do so, I was the one who intentionally overconsumed a plethora of random medicines for 5 days straight , I was the one who "made" dangerous (you have no idea how dangerous it is for human body) toxins and then drunk it with utmost willingness, I was the one who used to literally scratch my arms with a small knife, etc—I was the one who tried to commit suicide many many many times.

But in those moments of agony, despair, and hopelessness—God always saved me. He never let me die by committing suicide in any shape or form. He has always been there when I needed Him the most. He sent me kindhearted people to to prevented me from going down the wrong path. And even when I had nobody to turn to, He has always been there when I needed Him the most—He always listened to me, He always consoled me, He always calmed me down and wiped my tears, and most of all, He always washed the pain away. Why? Why He didn't just let me die? Why does God keep giving me "the second chance"? Why He keeps taking good care of me? Why He never stops unconditionally loving me, even after all the minor and major sins that I have committed (and still do)?

I have been dealing with some personal problems and I am continuously struggling with my mental health (I still have suicidal thoughts from time to time). That's why sometimes I tend to push people away. That's why I always choose to be alone, because I don't wanna get hurt by anyone and I don't wanna hurt/harm anyone either. Despite everything, I am still here—by God's grace. I am grateful I still survive up to this point after all the traumatizing and harrowing experiences I have gone through in my life. I am grateful because Palestinian people always hold me accountable. I am grateful Palestinian people have made me become stronger than ever. Always protect, provide, and love them, ya Allah. They are one of the reasons why I refuse to give up on myself. Ya Rabb, please forgive me. Forgive me for everything. And please always guide me to be a better person. Give me Your light, and don't ever let me walk this temporary journey called life alone. Aamiin.

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Request: Yandere Dio x Jonathan’s sister.

Dio has to kill the old man before he can marry his beloved off to some filthy, unworthy man.

Meanwhile Darling has to not only deal with her creepy adoptive brother’s advances but her beloved father getting sicker and sicker.

Unrequited

(Yandere Dio X Female Reader)

Life hadn't even been the same since Dio had been adopted into the family, he would torment your poor brother Jonathan on a daily basis. You'd always been so timid so you were too afraid to intervene, you feared that his tyrannical behaviour would be turned on you. So instead you tried to comfort him whenever Dio wasn't around.

However, that changed after one incident. You'd intervened during their fight after Erina had stopped seeing Jonathan because of Dio's despicable actions. It had angered you so much seeing how low he'd swoop to ruin your brother's life. You really should have just tried to remove Jonathan from the situation but instead you had gone into a blind rage and punched him several times from what you'd been told.

Seeing your father ashamed of you both broke your heart. No amount of explaining could make what you did right, you were supposed to be a better person and keep the peace but you didn't. Little did you know a scolding from your father wouldn't be the end of your pain, if anything it made you another target for the blonde.

It would be petty things at first, he'd steal some small valuables you owned with no way to prove it or spread rumours around about you isolating you much the same as Jonathan.

Some that you used to consider friends started to talk about you in such horrible ways. They even started saying to others that you were ugly, that your hair wasn't glossy enough, that your skin was covered in imperfections and that your clothes were cheap and worn though.

You Came home In tears and headed straight to your room. You just wanted to lock yourself in your room and never leave. Eventually you heard a knock on the door and assumed it was Jonathan.

"Come in" you croaked as you wiped the tears out of your eyes as you sat up.

"I heard what those fools were talking about" a voice comforted you but it wasn't Jonathan's. You quickly looked at Dio with a scowl as he approached you.

"You were the one who turned them against me, why are you even here!" 

"What they say isn't under my control, I'm hurt you'd even suggest that" he faked his innocence with a shrug.

"What they're saying about you is wrong, you're by no means the ugly harlot they say you are" he spoke as you felt his hands graze upon you shoulder, you recoil quickly before slapping his hand away.

"Leave me alone! whatever you're going to tell me is lies anyway, I don't want to hear it!" You hissed before he snatched your hand and pulled you closer.

"You know what? I really enjoy seeing you so riled up, it's very cute" he confessed, making you feel repulsed. You could feel your gut churning as you tried to avoid his amber gaze.

"You're going to try and take away my first kiss? just like what you did with Erina those years ago. Is ruining people's lives all you want to do?" You asked him as you could feel fresh tears threatening to fall.

"It's not like that. To be completely honest, I'm in love with you and I have been for quite a while now" he proclaimed. You felt sick hearing him say that he loved you. You tried to pull away but he was far stronger then he used to be when he was younger.

"No, let me go! I could never love you!" You only managed to squeak under his scrutinizing gaze and before you knew it your lips were forced against yours. You tried to pull away but he refused to lessen his grip with the back of your head.

🩸🩸🩸

It'd been years since then but Dio refused to give up on his subtle advances towards you. When you'd go to watch Jonathan during one of the university's rugby games you'd overhear the girls flooding towards Dio asking if he was single, he always replied by saying he had his eyes on a certain someone as he shot you a glance, no matter where you were in the crowd. You'd remain tight-lipped about what he was doing, afraid that if you told anyone it'd ruin your life and he took full advantage of that. He'd hug you in front of your brother and father despite your discomfort.

Over the past few months things had become more difficult since your father's worsening illness, just when he was showing signs of improvement he'd suddenly become worse. It was a great stress on your mind along with Dio's advancement. You'd been feeling so depressed about everything that was happening in your life.

You were reading a book before hearing a commotion amongst your brother and Dio. You'd left you room and ran to the stairs to see Jonathan throw Dio off the indoor balcony.

"Jonathan, what's going on?!" You ask with concern in your tone.

"Dio has been poisoning father!" He told you with anger in his tone as he showed you the supposed medication.

"I'm going to find out what this is and have Dio prosecuted for this" he told you before he left to talk with the butler's. As you saw Dio walking up the stairs your hands balled into a first as they tugged on the sides of your skirt.

"You're truly a monster Dio, our father brought you in when you'd have had no place to go and this is how you repay him!" You yelled as you approached him, feeling that anger that'd clouded your mind all those years ago return.

"He gave you a place to live, he gave you the best education possible and he loved you no differently then he loved us!" You scowled before taking a breath, you'd not let yourself lose control again.

"Are you really going to believe him?" He asked, trying to play innocent.

"Of course, do you think I'd believe you after all the harassment you've done to me over the years" you explained before heading back to your room.

You heard a knock not too long after and Jonathan entered. 

"(Y/n) I'm going to London to find out what Dio's been giving our father, could you please keep a close eye on him and Dio?" Jonathan explained in a soft tone.

"Of course" you replied. Assuming he was going to get it examined. Little did you expect him to return with injuries, an unfamiliar blonde haired man and an Asian man. The police later came before Dio had returned. Your father could bare to watch Dio be arrested so you helped him up the stairs before the Asian man overheard your father and interjected, talking about the marks on Dio's earlobe and how it was a sign of impenetrable luck.

Your father rushed towards Jonathan as Dio pulled out a knife as well as the mask your mother had brought only hours before her death. It all flashed before you as your father sacrificed himself for your brother. You screamed as tears welled up in your eyes. The police shot Dio causing him to fall through the glass window. You couldn't move, your legs refused to take even a step despite your father dying right in front of you.

Then everything descended into chaos, Dio had risen from the dead and slaughtered the  and the mansion caught on fire.

"(Y/n), you have to leave!" You heard Jonathan yell .

"No! I don't want to lose you too!" You cried.

"I promise you I'll be fine" he said before the blonde man grabbed your arm.

"Listen to your brother, it's not safe for you to stay" he told you as he guided you to the front door.

🩸🩸🩸

You'd hoped it had all been some horrible nightmare but when you woke up in the spare room of one of your friends you knew it wasn't.

Your father had died and Dio had become some kind of vampiric creature. Luckily Jonathan had made it out alive.

You made your way to the hospital and bumped into the man from last night that you now knew as Robert E.O Speedwagon. He was ever so friendly to you despite being a thug from Ogre street. He was so grateful for your brother. When you arrived the nurses told you that he was severely injured and that you wouldn't be able to see him until they had finished treating his wounds. So you waited. Speedwagon noticed the glum expression on your face.

"It's hard to believe what happened last night… my brother and I lost everything, it's so surreal that my brain is still trying to process everything" you said.

"I'm just glad that Dio is gone…" you continued.

"I knew that he was evil when I first saw him" he replied.

"Yes he was. He tried everything to ruin my brother's life when we were kids and when I finally stood up for my brother he targeted me as well. Eventually he stole my first kiss and tried everything he could to try and get me to be in a relationship" you explained.

"That's horrible but hopefully now you can both move on" he said.

🩸🩸🩸

For the next few days you kept visiting your brother in hospital. It turned out Erina was a nurse there and helping your brother. You hoped that maybe they could rekindle that spark they had all those years ago. Perhaps it was a sign that good things were coming. Oh you were so wrong, for Dio had been lurking the streets of London.

You woke up feeling the temperature had  dropped. A cold breeze flowed through the hall and into your room. You got up to find if any of the windows had not been closed properly. You heard soft wails coming from your friend's room but as you walked down the hall a figure emerged. You gasped as you saw the familiar features illuminated by the moonlight. He noticed you and turned to look at you.

"Oh how lucky I am to find you here of all places!" A sinister chuckle left his lips.

"No! You're supposed to be dead!" You screamed.

"Oh what Jonathan did was merely a minor inconvenience" Dio said as approached you.

"I'm immortal now and soon you will be too" he explained as he grabbed your arm before you had the chance to run.

"No, whatever you've become I don't want to! I'd rather die than be trapped forever with you!" You screamed. He grabbed your chin so you were forced to look up at him, his fingers digging into your skin. You tried to kick him but he showed little reaction.

"Oh my dear (y/n)... After a while I'm sure you'll come to understand the love I've given you for so many years" he cooed as he began to suck the blood from your veins. You could only choke out in response to such a horrible sensation.

[deanpinterester]

anyway, elaborating on the post i made yesterday

(i want to preface i am BEYOND excited for this movie, but that doesn’t we can’t critique it :^) )

this is how nimona looks in the book

and this is how she looks in the movie

of course, the comic style is very simplified, so you can’t 100% be like “x and y features are wrong” because she’s got. dots for eyes and a squiggle for a nose. the nature of translating 2D to 3D is that some things need to be reinterpreted. we CAN say that they definitely got the hair (she is definitely shaved in the back, don’t worry) and her spunky expression right

HOWEVER the face shape is something that i felt could be translated better. in the comic, nim has wide, squarish, almost chubby cheeks. in the movie, her face just looks kinda of...like anna and elsa from frozen.

you know...the movie where anna and elsa and their mom all look like the same person

(also book!nimona has a generally chubbier physique, but i can’t say too much about it considering we haven’t seen the rest of her movie design. if we’re going by this extremely low-rez profile view though, she definitely has those thick thighs™ at least)

basically, it’s a very generic face shape, when it could have been something more distinctly nimona. and this isn’t an issue specifically pertaining to nimona either; a LOT of movies are hesitant to make their main gals wacky or goofy looking (or anything that could be construed as ugly). they would rather play it a bit safer.

that’s not to say we HAVEN’T seen super stylized female designs. aside from the curse the minions has laid on us, despicable me has given us some good varied female characters

(though i do want to point out the three main girls do still have safer designs. they literally all have the same button nose)

more recently, turning red has some AMAZING distinct designs for the main four girls. mei lin and abby even have the chubby cheeks i had expected from nimona!

the mitchells vs the machines also hasn’t shied away from giving their female characters exaggerated features

i do want to point out, though, that these movies ARE more comedy-centric, which does allow them more leeway in creating wild, wacky designs and not have it look out of place. while nimona does have comedic aspects, it is first and foremost a sci-fi fantasy adventure, and they might have wanted to aim a bit more realistic, something closer to spiderverse or arcane

HOWEVER i am also not asking for nimona’s face shape to be super out there. i do think her movie design is super cute! i just wish it wasn’t so same-facey, and that she was allowed to be more visibly chubby in the face.

but anyway!! i’m excited to see more stills from the movie and i’m excited to see how they adapt the director and her giraffe neck.

[sukirichi]

Hi! I hope you're doing okay. So I just had a thot. And idk what to do with it. So Imma just put it here cause your blog is my new favourite. I'm not even joking. I literally devoured everything related to Tokyo Rev on your blog. So here's my theory. Do correct me if you think I'm wrong Sensei!

Bouten husbands and where they liked to be kissed the most/ or is their weakness. (Ps: it's just my opinion. I mean no offense to anyone.)

Mikey~ Kiss him on his shoulders and he'll cry. Cause he's been bearing all the burden of his dark and decaying world for so long that he doesn't even know that he needs to take a minute for himself and rely on others around him. Especially since most ppl around him are willing to give their life and limbs for Mikey. He just can't seem to keep that in mind. So you've taken it upon yourself to remind him frm time to time. Just a little peck on his strong and broad-ish shoulders to remind him that he's not alone. That if nothing, he has you. He always will.

Rindou~ Something about being kissed on his cheeks, especially by his lover, does things to him. Like his cardiovascular muscles do a little somersault in his chest or something. Because yes, it doesn't matter if he's one of the big, scary and irreplaceable executive of Bouten, he still has an unconscious inferiority complex. Sometimes it just skips his mind that despite everything, he too deserves the world. And every once in a while you need to remind him about it. That he doesn't have to be flashy and snarky like his brother. He just needs to be himself and that he is undeniably worthy of love.

Ran~ Not many people are taller than him, you are no exception. So it makes sense that in order to kiss him you need to be on your tippy toes. And still you're only able to reach his neck. So yeah, just kiss him there. Right on his Adam's apple and he's a goner. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Ran is always the one to take charge. It's kind of in his nature and you happily oblige him. But every now and then, you also need to remind him to take a breather That he can just let go and get dotted over for a change. You're more than happy to take care of him, that he needs to be taken care off.

Koko~ This man not only, brings in the big dough for Bouten, but also beats up people while at it. To say that he's always overworked is an understatement. His hands are always doing something, illegal things most of the time. He knows he's no saint. That there's no coming back into the light. He's painfully aware. But once e intertwine your hands together and kiss him on top of his knuckles, he swears that it's his redemption. You're the only light in his dark and dangerous world.

Kaku-chan~ Please. Just kiss this man on his forehead. Please. He's literally out there, ready to give his life for the things he wants to protect. He's always doing that. Protecting the people that have gone astray, who have no more hope left. He's ready to die for them, if it means they'll keep going. So please, just once, just protect him instead. Protect him from the demons he skillfully hided in his head. Protect him from the nightmares that torment him every night. Just protect him for a change. He needs it more than he's willing to admit.

Sanzu~ Okay. Hear me out. He's deranged and he knows it. He knows he's won't bat an eye before painfully torturing someone to death. Heck he'll even do it with a smile plastered on his face. He knows that he's stained in blood almost all the time.(sometimes his own, most of the other times, not his own). He'll even relish it. He knows that he's been tainted with burden of death. He knows that he lives in the shadows. He's not sane. He's not good. He's bad. He's ugly. You can tell that these awful thoughts keep him awake at night. So when they do and he has this almost painful look on his face. Just pull him close and kiss him on his face, over and over. Kiss his scars, kiss his lips, kiss his nose, his eyes. Just don't stop until he's got your point across. That yes, it's true that he's despicable. But you still love him nonetheless.

Ps: Sorry that was too long and kinds got out of hand. But these are just my "thots". Thank you for hearing me out!~ Thot anon

hi i’m doing okay, thanks for asking n i hope you are too !! also aaah i’m glad to know my blog is your new fave, i hope you enjoy more of my future tokrev content 🥺 ALSO YES ITS HEADCANON TIME LETS GO LETS GO

mikey n shoulder kisses 🥺 i hc that mikey is stiff and rigid all the time without knowing. like you said, he has a lot on his mind and draken even said mikey had a heavy ass cross to bear, so imagine the weight and burdens he has to shoulder 🥺 so if you lean into him for a hug then kiss his shoulders, mikey deflates. to him, its like a reminder he doesn’t have to carry it all by himself all the time and poor bb forgets that often

cheek kisses for rindou 🥺 the idea of this big, bad executive infamous for breaking limbs but is actually a sucker for cheek kisses and turns into a soft lil bean when you cup his face and just smother him with love n affection? bless. rindou probably unknowingly exerts too much effort sometimes to prove something - may it be his strength, his power, or how he’s perfectly capable of fighting by himself - he’ll have that voice at the back of his head that he needs to do something. giving him cheek kisses grounds him and elicits butterflies in his stomach bcos he realizes that, “oh, i don’t have to try so hard. silly me...now more cheek kisses, please.”

ran and neck kisses !! ON THE FLOOR RN, TELL ME MORE. but yes omg i also hc that ran is such a giver and grown up to look for others the way he does for rindou, so in his head, he’s kind of drilled it into himself that he has to be the one in the lead - not necessarily in a mikey way - but in a “he needs to take charge and take his responsibilities seriously” kind of thing. like mikey, ran is probably often deep in thought as well despite his teasing mannerisms, that when you kiss his neck he can’t help but soften. he enjoys being doted on. loves to be the one on the receiving side. has the sweetest smile on his face when he gets a lil ticklish and he just feels like he’s on cloud nine <33

knuckle kisses for koko 😫 everything you said was on point !! his hands are probably so tired from fighting and counting bills all day, not to mention the amount of paperwork he has to do bcos who else will do them ?? no one knows the inner system of koko and how it works as well as koko does, and he wants to do his job right. he gets a little too absorbed in his work, however, that koko gets a little confused when you take his hands away from whatever he’s working on to leave little kisses at the pads of his knuckles, maybe even massaging his hands or playing with his fingers to help him relax a bit. and you know how koko is so good at what he does bcos its all he knows, but at the same he probably hates how he treads on this dark path ?? so when you kiss his knuckles, he feels relieved. like everything will be okay and second chances are real n something he’s worthy of

omg now this is my favorite - kakucho + foreahead kisses. forehead kisses are always so intimate and soothing in a sense. like come here so you can kiss him on the forehead, watch the way his eyes flutter close and a smile tugs at his lips when your lips trail down to his scar, all the while your hands are cupping his face with such tenderness he never really knew of. kakucho is so used to being the tough guy with his rough childhood that it almost feels surreal. surreal that he’s in bed, with you, safe and sound and you’re kissing his forehead so comfortingly he doesn’t have to worry about putting his walls down for a second. he feels safe. he feels at home. but most of all, he knows he’s not alone and he has you - his family

kissing sanzu’s scars 🥺 everything you said was beautiful n i can totally see it happening !! as much as we all know sanzu takes great pleasure and finds entertainment in what he does, it sinks down a little too late. when he’s not high, that’s when he feels the lows. when the blood on his hands are dried, that’s when he realizes it gets harder to wash them off until it stains deep all the way into his soul. then his scars. he sees his scars and remembers how he has to hide them at some point. he stays awake at night and oddly enough, silent and unmoving. and what better way to ease his worries than to pull him close and just to kiss his scars that he thinks are only one of the ways the darkness - the ugliness - of his soul shows through. keep him close and kiss his scars. sanzu may not always be in the right mind to understand your words, but the simple gesture of showing love and acceptance to a part of him that makes him a whole will engrave deep into his heart. leave him butterfly kisses. kiss him from everywhere to his eyes until they flutter close to sleep. kiss his nose adoringly until they scrunch so cutely. kiss his lips until its your taste that overwhelms him. and kiss his scars to remind him his imperfections are accepted and loved

[southeastasiancinema]

So there they were – the Fang, Talon, Spine, and Tail tribes – standing gloriously before the wide-eyed Raya. The Tail tribe in particular was the one I saw my Filipino culture in the most. Their complexion looked like mine. Their native attire looked inspired by our native attire. I was ready to be content in simply seeing the distilled image of the Filipino people in a movie as huge as this one.

But then they make you realize right away that all the other tribes, save for Raya’s, are totally unlikeable people.

Right from the get-go, we learn about the dynamics of a tribal Kumandra. All the tribes are jealous of Heart for keeping the gem to themselves and are desperate to betray each other no matter the cost. We see them do real despicable stuff as they ruin the gathering fast. “Oh, I guess we’re the jerks in the story,” I thought to myself as these tribes were competing to see who the bigger jerk was. Now, I understand that this is a story-driven choice but it’s not exactly mindful towards the goal of encouraging representation. At least, it certainly wasn’t the way I was hoping my people would be represented in their first big Disney outing.

Raya and the Last Dragon at its core is supposedly a story about unity and trust. About how wounds can be mended if everyone could just get along and trust one another. Raya’s dad Chief Benja repeatedly shares his sentiment in one day reuniting the kingdom of Kumandra as a whole before he gets turned into stone. Being disillusioned by the ugliness displayed by the other tribes that started this whole mess, Raya feels otherwise and doesn’t believe in uniting a kingdom that is so self-centered. But throughout her journey, this outlook changes when she gets to know the other tribes and understands their differences.

Or that’s how I wish it happened.

The problem is that the film squanders the opportunity to redeem the ugliness displayed by the tribes. This comes in the form of the other tribe members she meets during her journey. Normally, this would make for an ideal time, not only for Raya to mend wounds and sow trust in her heart in place of doubt but for the filmmakers to actually give these cultures they’re claiming to give representation to some depth.

Instead, the voices of the other tribes are relegated to literal children (one is an actual toddler). With the exception of Benedict Wong’s Tong, nearly most of Raya’s supporting ensemble are children... There’s not one discussion in the movie where the tribes get to settle their differences and realize that despite it all, they’re all one and the same under Kumandra. The movie fails to reconcile all these thematic pieces meaningfully.

The film also has a seemingly unintentional subtext about privilege and wealth as Raya continually laments how awful people are for fighting over a gem without realizing that her people benefitted the most from the gem out of all the tribes. How or why the Heart tribe came to be the keepers of the gem is never addressed too. She doesn’t take a moment to think what the other tribes’ notions were of being deprived of the gem in the first place. Raya just thinks everyone is totally jealous of them.

Had they treated all these characters with more nuance, with some semblance of a meaningful payoff in the end, my tune would be different. Parts of this movie left me with a bad taste in my mouth. There’s a moment where a young Raya just totally bad-mouths each of the tribes in front of her father. She describes the tribe that resembles Filipinos as “mercenaries who fight dirty,” and makes more comments on how worrisome, weird and exotic the other tribes are from theirs. Those tiny digs may seem innocuous coming from cute characters but they end up sounding like microaggressions, intentional or not.

To the outsider, these qualms may feel very nitpicky, almost to a fault, even. But in a global platform where Southeast Asian representation is few and far in between, wasted opportunities like this feel frustrating. I’m sure the filmmakers’ intentions and efforts to pay respects to Southeast Asian culture aren’t mired in malice but in light of its shortcomings, it definitely feels superficial.

by Charles Villanueva

[ariainstars]

Will Din Djarin and Grogu Have to Part?

Since this question has been discussed quite controversially in the fandom since the second season of The Mandalorian, here are my two cents about it. 

Luke and Anakin

A subject my husband and I can’t agree upon 😉 is the character of Luke Skywalker. I always liked him, while my husband finds him annoying. But consider: Luke’s hotheadedness, his naivety, his obstinacy, are perfectly normal for a young man of nineteen or twenty. Given A New Hope’s roots in classic Western, Luke is the typical greenhorn, who tries to man it up but doesn’t know how to do it yet. Luke is a normal adolescent with dreams and ambitions. Remember how we see him playing with a toy skyhopper at his uncle’s homestead? He obviously feels safe there. His aunt and uncle later even sacrifice their lives rather than revealing to the Imperial stormtroopers where R2D2 is, because they know that Luke went in search of the droid, and they don’t want them to find him. Luke is a good boy though raw and green. In the end, his story is a success because he chooses to use his powers to save the ones he cares about, even when it’s a father who, except for saving his life at the last moment, never did anything good for him.

Now compare him to Anakin Skywalker, his father, at the same age: many fans define young Anakin as a whiny, arrogant brat and they’re not so wrong with that. Anakin comes over as an irritating person, much more so than his son, because he is emotionally stunted, having spent the last ten years being told to stifle his emotions and not to allow any personal attachment. Which blatantly failed: we see right away that his bond with Padmé is still intact although they didn’t meet in the meantime, and we witness him getting mad with fury and hatred when his mother has to die in that cruel, meaningless way when he could have saved her had he arrived just a little sooner. Young Anakin is unbalanced and frustrated because by now he knows his enormous powers but is not allowed to use them in a way that actually makes sense to him. Anakin is a family man: his instinct is to protect. But at age nineteen, thanks to the uncompassionate mindset of the oh-so wise Jedi, he already is a ticking bomb.

Now to Our New Heroes…

While the first season was about Mando’s redemption and hero’s journey, the second one thematizes the development of the child. Until now he hardly wielded the Force and most of the time he’s just being cute and getting into trouble, but that’s not simply bothersome, nor is it unfitting for the narrative: it’s normal. Grogu is being a child at last, because he can, and he can because someone is looking after him and genuinely caring for him.

Look at him: the little cookie monster is having a blast. He’s meeting people and making friends. He’s enjoying life (including food). He can let go, because he knows that “daddy” has his back. Literally!

Which is why I don’t believe that Grogu will choose to join some Jedi or other: it would be pointless for his story. Grogu has the chance to be the child he could not be until now, and since he thankfully ages slowly, he’s taking that chance. Like with his predecessor Yoda, there is more to Grogu than meets the eye: he understands more than he lets on. He’s making experiences, and he’s learning from these experiences. Instinctively, he wants Mando because he wants belonging. My take is that he will learn how to have healthy attachments, and that if he is to be the future Yoda in some distant new tv show or new trilogy, he will be very different from this one in that he won’t discourage Force-sensitive children from learning how to love other people in a proper way. Also, Yoda lived mostly at the Jedi temple, which from the outside reminded of an ivory tower and indeed did shield the Jedi from seeing many of the ugly things happening outside. Grogu is travelling: he witnesses the injustices in the galaxy with his own eyes. 

One of the crucial messages of the Star Wars saga always was how wrong it is to separate families. Palpatine’s greatest villainy was making people who belonged together mistrust one another until they resorted to violence. What’s worse, he enjoyed it.

To remain in balance, children need to grow up serene and protected. Anakin, the Dark Father, was the most blatant example for this: his mere existence was a living proof for the Jedi’s failure. Terrified of his former padawan’s turn to the Dark Side, Obi-Wan set the seal on his fate right when Padmé was succeeding into making him go away with her. The Jedi was aware that Anakin was a husband and future father at this point, but the convictions of the Jedi had been so deeply ingrained into his mind since he was small that he believed them to be more important than Anakin’s role not as a Jedi, but as a human being. Still twenty years later, he tried to trick Anakin’s own son into killing him. Anakin’s soul was saved, though only by a hair’s breadth, due to his son’s stubborn compassion. Anakin had been willing to sacrifice everything to save his wife; Luke chose to rather give up his life than his integrity, which is why the moment when he throws his light sabre away before Palpatine is so significant, setting him apart from Anakin.

None of the surviving Jedi would have lifted a finger for Anakin: to them, he was a damned man. Which he was, but that was largely also due to the Jedi’s sins and not only his own. They never showed regret or assumed that they might have wronged him. The aim of both the prequel and sequel trilogy was not to excuse Darth Vader’s / Anakin Skywalker’s or Kylo Ren’s / Ben Solo’s terrible deeds, but to demonstrate that their fate could have been avoided; that they were not alone with their guilt but had been for a large part pushed into their role by their environment, instead of being, as the cliché runs, “mad guys who choose to be evil because they want power”, like e.g. in a James Bond movie. (Except of course for Palpatine, but even he got a second chance through Rey, equally powerful but much more well-meaning than him.)

Conclusions

The message of Star Wars is not about the all-powerful Jedi and the significance of their order: they are not some kind of superheroes who will return and save the galaxy. I daresay that who hopes to see Luke Skywalker, e.g. instructing Grogu, will be bitterly disappointed. If Luke would enter the narrative, the story would become about him, making the show’s set-up and title pointless. His story, the Hero’s Journey, was accomplished with Return of the Jedi, which is why George Lucas never wrote a continuation. Luke himself developed his capacities instinctively, both Obi-Wan and Yoda had little time to train him. (So much also for Rey being “a Mary Sue who knows how to wield her power without training”.) It obviously does not take years and years of learning at a Jedi temple to learn to wield one’s Force powers: it appears that what padawans are taught there, more than anything else, is how to control their feelings. Which is unrealistic on the long run, because every living being wishes for personal fulfilment and even the greatest Jedi can’t live solely for others.

Will the child’s Force abilities fade in time without training, the way Ahsoka said? They won’t. The show is set some 25 years after the fall of the Jedi Temple, and yet Grogu managed to make a mudhorn float in the air with his power. He was exhausted afterwards, but he managed. In another episode he healed Greef Karga from a mortal wound and he is the first Force-sensitive whom we ever saw with this capacity. In the next episode he rejected a fireball with his bare hands. The Force is strong with this one. He does not need a Jedi master to train him. What he needs is to develop a good judgement about what he should use his powers for, and when he should not. 

The saga as a whole always showed a clear structure where the puzzle pieces fit together, adding up to one final picture: life is not about power but about love and belonging. Power can win, but that victory is always short-lived. Who chooses power over compassion in the end will always lose and have to look back on a destroyed world where there are only losses and bitter memories.

Ever from the first episode, The Mandalorian lived from the dynamics between the gruff but kind bounty-hunter and the innocent yet powerful child. At its core, it is a father-son relationship: tear them apart and the whole story ceases to make sense. By the beginning of season 2 Din Djarin and Grogu have grown so close that you could hardly fit a sheet of paper between them. Their story is not about rebuilding the Jedi order, it is about healing together, overcoming loneliness and trauma, starting a new life together. 

Maybe they will be separated at the end of the second season, e.g. by Moff Gideon who wants the child for his despicable experiments: but if that happens, I can foretell what the next season will be about: 

Mando will move heaven and hell to get “his” child back under his protection. Because contrarily to both Luke and Anakin, he is a father, and a good and devoted one at that.

[madlymiho]

Summary: It's been a few years since you're working as Katakuri's maid, a few years he's also ignoring the blooming feelings he has for you. Unfortunately, with his soon-to-be arranged wedding coming, the possibility to confess seems more and more impossible. Though, on the Halloween Night, as you're allowed to enjoy the festivities on his island, he becomes upset and worry to see that you're not back after midnight. Determined to find you, this spooky evening might be the opportunity you have both always wished for...

Warning: angst and fluff 🍪

Words: 3901

@elliemehl​ @alice1290​ @hanajimasama​ thanks for enabling this so intensely!

Katakuri: A moonlight promise (read after the cut)

“Anything else, Sir?”

Your voice sounds like the softest feather, sad for sure, but your grace is still unmatchable despite your low status in the society. You’re a perfect nobody, someone he shouldn’t even have noticed in the first place. You have been chosen because, let’s be honest, you didn’t have the slightest chance to gain a powerful position in the current society on his island. Being a house cleaner for the most powerful Sweet Commander of the Charlotte Family is an honor for most of people, and as you didn’t have the choice, at your twenty-five birthday, you joined the squad in charge of his mansion. You’re coming from a family of farmers, offering every month a bit of your lifetime to be allowed to remain here. That’s something he finds particularly despicable, but since it’s his mother’s rules, and since he would do everything to please her whim, he has never tried to save you from your cruel fate. Though, Katakuri definitely noticed you since day one. You were so clumsy and afraid to make mistakes that you dropped a plate of fresh animal cakes you brought back from the castle’s kitchen, somehow a way for you to please his everyday munchies. He could have thrown you away for the lack of attention you have been exposing that day, but deep down, Katakuri found you utterly adorable. You had something different in your eyes, a fire he wasn’t sure to understand. At first, he really thought that you were there to defy his authority, never acting awkwardly anymore, always present to answer his demands, but with time, months after months, he understood you were nothing but the purest soul around. Dedicated, soft and understanding, having you by his side could soothe his deepest whims and angers. You never looked at him with those fearful eyes anymore, only the brightest colors of your incredible devotion. He felt so lucky, his own heart perhaps appreciating the new music, heartbeats slightly increasing whenever you were entering the room with your big goofy smile, and those features full of light and happiness. However, came the day he received an order from his mother. Something he has been pushing away for years, preferring to keep a lonely existence, only to maintain the current print of the Charlotte Family over the world. Though, his mother decided differently, and her orders were always absolute. Katakuri, despite his age, despite his will to remain alone, will have to marry the daughter of this powerful smuggler in Grand Line and the New World, only to provide more technological weapons for his mother’s war. It was political, no love required in this union, but alas, Katakuri felt his heart completely shattered as soon as he received the news. The sensation increased even more when he understood you were probably aware of this information yourself. You smile changed; now it’s tinted with a deep sadness he has never seen before. It’s the kind of smile you’re wearing right now, as you’re finishing to gather his empty plates.

“No, Name, it was perfect, as always. Perhaps you should smuggle more of those peanut donuts you brought today, it was truly enjoyable.” Katakuri nods, sat against his mochi couch, his severe eyes peering down at you, his mouth fully covered one more time. You never discovered his ugly secret, at least. “I guess I’d be seeing you for dinner then. I heard Mama wanted to try a new cuisine, and there will be roasted chicken with a butternut gratin for once.” He pauses for a moment, and sighs. “Perhaps you’ll have some leftovers, if you wish. You have been working hard today, I can have a word with my own squad.”

You almost gasp to the unexpected act of kindness – a rarity when it comes to Katakuri, feeling truly embarrassed to shake your head.

“You don’t want that?” Katakuri frowns, his voice becoming slightly more concerned. “It’s a gift to have the same dinner than your master, Name.”

He feels a bit hurt in his ego, but he notices that you seem parted, and suddenly so shy to tell him something. Gosh, was he too harsh once more? He despises the fact you might be afraid of him.

“N-No, Sir, it would be an honor, as always, to stay by your side, but we have received a notification from the Whole Cake Island’s castle, and all the servants are authorized to celebrate Halloween this year…” Your voice doesn’t shake, but it’s not the most confident either. “I was hoping to…”

“I see.” Katakuri cuts it short, and dismisses you with a wave of his hand. “If it’s coming from Mama’s castle, I won’t forbid you to celebrate Halloween, an order is an order. I’ll ask one of my little sister to bring me my dinner; you can have your free time.” He pauses though, and looks back at you with the same coldness he tries to use whenever he doesn’t want to sound too concerned. “Will you be on your own, tonight?”

“No, I’m going with two maids from other houses, Perospero and Mont d’Or’s ones, Sir.” You assure with a firm nod, somehow happy to have the permission to celebrate one of your favorite tradition, but also upset that he doesn’t seem to have any plans for the night. “I won’t stay outside for too long, Sir, you have my word. I’ll be there to bring you your midnight snack, as always.”

He keeps looking at you, somehow surprised by the sudden need to justify yourself regarding your own activities of the night. Perhaps it’s a strategy to soothe his potential disappointed, if so, it seems to work, but as a man who can’t allow himself to have feelings for you, he eventually shakes his head.

“Non-sense, Name.” He says with a detached tone, stretching his legs as he has the intention to leave the room now. He can’t help but think what kind of costume you’re going to wear? How would be your makeup? All these thoughts are nothing some torture he needs to escape. “Perospero will certainly hand a lots of homemade candies and organize a big treasure hunt as always. You’ll have many things to try out there; it would be a shame if you don’t enjoy them all. Be home around midnight, but not before.”

You bite your bottom lip for a moment, and make a step forward, your hand coming up before you immediately press it back against your torso ; what are you even thinking about?

“But, what about you, Sir?” You mumble with a soft voice, cocking your head to encourage him to talk to you. “Aren’t you celebrating the Halloween festivities yourself? It’s a foggy day outside, but I’m sure this could be a good thing.”

He turns around, just to throw you one of his numerous serious look, his crimson irises remaining unreadable, even if you know him so well. He doesn’t answer to your plea, and simply walk out of the room, ignoring this intense urge he’s experiencing at this particular moment, the very which almost made him offer to spend the evening with him. Better be safe than sorry, and Katakuri imagines that there are certain things which must remain secret. No really, all of this wouldn’t be a good idea.

***

It’s past midnight and his entire thoughts are focused on one and only one person. He believes that indeed, you’re having a tremendous time outside, but for sure, he feels concerned. He saw you living the mansion with that cute and messy witch outfit, probably something you have prepared during your free time, collecting some material here and there to create your scary dress. You looked incredibly adorable and spooky, your face covered with some audacious bloody makeup for the show. Of course, he didn’t leave his room to wish you a good night; it would have been weird, especially for him, to care about his maids’ activities and their sudden gain of freedom, at least just for one night. He had his dinner, he carved a few pumpkins to put it in the garden, but something felt utterly different from usual. The sensation increased when you weren’t there to bring him his midnight snack, probably because deep down, he has been hoping you wouldn’t follow his advices and would come home sooner. Mmh, all of this is pretty upsetting for the Sweet Commander, his observation Haki working so hard that he’s anticipating the moment he would hear your light footsteps behind the door. He wishes that he would be able to sleep, but alas, even his tiredness abandoned him tonight. He growls deeply, scolding himself silently for being easily tormented by someone who’s nothing for the Charlotte Family.

After several minutes of a very unwelcomed torture upon his own mind, Katakuri decides that it’s more than enough, you should have come home sooner than this. Gathering his clothes, he dresses-up as usual, leather and spikes covering his muscular body, before he rolls his scarf around his head and heads out of his room, determined to find you, wherever you are. He didn’t expressly gave you an hour to come back home either, and surely, he’s not the one to decide, but perhaps something happened, and he doesn’t wish to learn that he could have done something rather than anticipating any kind of sorrow, right there, laid on his bed; it feels like a good excuse. Finally wandering into the almost empty streets of his island, it doesn’t take him too long to feel your presence, a few streets away, and all by yourself. So, you did lie to him earlier. You promised that you wouldn’t be alone, and yet, as he’s approaching in the dark, fog covering his large presence, he definitely notices the lack of escort around you. Another groan is earned from your carefree attitude, this very one loud enough for you to hear it. You almost jump on your feet, turning around, visible fear displayed on your pretty features.

“Who… Who’s here?” You ask with a shaky voice, trembling on your feet. “I’m…I’m working for the Charlotte Family, so you better not do something stupid!”

“And aren’t you doing something stupid yourself, Name?”

Katakuri steps out of the dark, crimson irises looking down at you with a rare intensity. It’s still foggy as hell, and you don’t have a proper look on his face, but clearly, you can sense his wrath towards you. Immediately, you flinch and lower your gaze, ready to be punished for your behavior. Maybe a night of freedom hasn’t been the best idea you had.

“Sir, I’m so sorry!” You try to explain, as you hear the familiar caster of his leather boot clicking in the dark. “I… I was supposed to go back to the mansion earlier, but I’ve lost something and I couldn’t go home without it!”

Katakuri clicks his tongue impatiently, feeling anger invading his blood.

“That’s the only excuse you think about to explain your lack of prudence?” He barks harshly, his voice echoing against the buildings. “You told me you weren’t alone! You told me your friends escorted you, was it all a lie after all? I trusted you enough to be loyal and respectful, giving you even more time to enjoy the festivities, and you’re spitting at the name of my Family so pitifully?”

“No, Sir, I promise I was not alone! My friends went home because they couldn’t stay any longer, and I wished I could fulfill my promise towards you, but I swear I had a good reason!” You look up and take a step closer, afraid but brave enough to challenge his wrath and make amends. “I lost the spoon you gave me for my birthday and I couldn’t bear the idea to walk back to you without the only precious item I have ever possessed…”

For a moment, Katakuri was about to continue his intense scolding, almost certain that you were lying to him, but as soon as you mentioned the gift he gave you, his cheeks turn into something pinker than usual. He remembers that one day you were serving him, looking a bit away, your head in the clouds... He learnt later that day that it was your birthday, and decided to offer you a silver spoon he kept from his childhood, the very one he was using during his first merienda, when he was alone and feared by everyone, founding the slightest peace in these moments of snacking. He thought you wouldn’t care about such a gift, but he had nothing better to offer you. He gulps, unsettled and flustered.

“You kept it?” He asks, cursing himself from picking those words instead of the logical ones he should think about.

Gently, you take other step forward, shaky hands coming up to press them onto his forearm. He doesn’t shift not try to escape your grip, the fog of the spooky night covering his intense blush. At least, in the middle of this mist, no one is able to see what’s happening here.

“I wouldn’t get rid of the only thing which matters to me, Sir…” You assure, before you look down, feeling dizzy to be allowed to be so close to him. “This is…This is the only thing I’ll cherish when you’d be married.”

His own stomach wrenches so hard that he has a hard time muffling his emotions, unable to fully understand the meaning of your words. It can’t be true. It’s forbidden. He’s the Sweet Commander of the Charlotte Family, the strongest, the fearless soldier, and yet, at this particular moment, he’s nothing else but a puppy. He swallows his spite, still harsh and cold, despite the fact he didn’t tell you to take off your hands.

“If you have something to say, speak loud and clear, don’t beat around the bush.” He abruptly drops, perhaps a bit too severely for the entire situation. Though, he finds himself unable to act differently, somehow worried about the words you might pronounce. “Remember your place, though, and the potential consequences of your statement. Life isn’t about the choices you wish to make, life is about the obligations you have to fulfill. I will not tolerate a childish remark regarding my wedding, nor an attempt to fight Mama’s orders.”

Softly, just so softly, your hands abandon his forearm, as you take a step backward, tears gleaming in your eyes, yet, you manage to keep a certain control upon your emotions. This sight for him is almost unbearable, tragic, and heartbreaking. He didn’t really say those words to you, in the end, but for himself. He wouldn’t have been upset at you if you wanted to confess something he’s afraid to hear, but at himself for being so eager to listen to you. He can’t fight Mama’s will. He has to be an example for his brothers and sisters.

“Nothing to state? Then, it’s time to go home. You have been wandering enough, and this spoon means nothing.” He turns around, his heart like a rock within his chest. No, he can’t. He can’t feel that way with you. “Also, I believe it’s time to thank you for your services. Tomorrow, you’ll pack to join Pudding’s island, you could serve her good there.”

Each word crushes a little bit more his already more than damaged heart, as he extends his hand to show the way back to his mansion. Under the pale light of the moonlight, and thanks to the fog surrounding you, at least he doesn’t have to witness your bitter tears. Head down, irises focused on your feet, you don’t wish to see his face anymore. The silent surrounding you is so uncomfortable that you almost believe he might hear your heartbeat, and it’s sorrowful melody. Yet as you’re lost in your thoughts, you suddenly bump into his back, Katakuri completely immobile, his arm turning into mochi to prevent any sort of attack. His Haki feels something, and it will come from the right. Before you can anticipate anything, he quickly grabs you and jumps aside, avoiding a shot of eggs in your direction. Harmless for sure, but it’s enough for you to let loose a surprised scream. Both of you can hear the chirping laughter of playful children, perhaps some orphans who love to play tricks during Halloween night. However, with all that fog, all this situation, the jack-o’-lantern floating in the air and watching you with their frightening empty eyes, the suspicious sounds and some far away laughter, you can’t help but feel definitely scared. That’s probably why you didn’t notice that you’re still trapped against Katakuri’s chest, both of your hands gripping his jacket strongly.

“I think it’s them who stole my spoon!” You gently cry, your eyes coming up, only to see that you’re still there… against him. “I’m…”

“It’s a scary night, where mischief and tricks are allowed.” Katakuri assures, this time, his large hand cupping your jawline. “And I have been harsh with you, haven’t I? Your emotions are shattered. Are you still scared, right now?”

You shake your head slowly, your bottom lip trembling under the softness of his touch, so different from his usual cold attitude. Does he really want you to go?

“No, Sir, I’m not scared when I’m with you.” You assure, before looking down. “I’m only scared when you’re not around…”

You’re opening-up one more time, because after all, this is probably the last time you’d be able to be close to him this way.

“I didn’t mean to insult Mama’s orders earlier, and I know very well my position in this world, Sir. But may the ghosts of the night witness me and give me their former strength; I’m also heartbroken to realize you’re going to get married and that you want me away by tomorrow.” You press your forehead against the bottom of his pec, and close your eyes. “Your presence soothes me more than I could imagine, and even if I’m not worthy of experiencing these feelings, they are there, Sir.” You pause, and feel that his hand moves from your jaw to the top of your head, caressing them with a light touch. “I’m not a noble nor a respectable woman, I don’t have any wealth, and my all life is nothing but servitude. I’ll be the maid of the Charlotte Family forever, trapped in my condition, unable to escape it no matter what I can wish for. But through your kindness, I’ve seen someone I fell in love with.”

He flinches to your statement, as he immediately withdraws his hand from your hair. You look up, concerned, only to see something unusual in his eyes. It’s not wrath, nor disgust… it’s fear.

“Name, you’re thinking out of your mind, because you haven’t seen my full appearance. Your feelings bloomed because of my sympathy towards you, but I’m still the monster people are afraid of.”

“Are you talking about the secret you hide behind your scarf, Sir?” You try with the best soothing voice you can offer. “I don’t believe you can be monstrous, Sir. Monsters are like those kids we met in the dark and throw eggs at you. You have the kindest soul among the Charlotte’s, your intentions are justified and genuine. You’re loyal to your family, but you have a heart, I know you enough to be certain of that. A man like that couldn’t be monstrous, no matter what a scarf rolled around his face might hide.”

A ravenous fire begins to burn within Katakuri’s chest, as he doesn’t believe he can fight those emotions until the end of time. No one has never been that kind towards him, his atrocious appearance always something deeply traumatizing for anyone who looked at him. He doesn’t wish to scare you, but at the same time, he somehow wishes to witness a real proof of your statement. Perhaps you would find him repulsive enough to run away? At least, he wouldn’t have to make that despicable choice between his heart and his mind right now. Therefore, with a slow gesture, Katakuri grips his scarf and starts to roll it off his face. Under the moonlight of this Halloween night, he would look like the most disgusting monster, but alas, this appearance would be his only one forever. Fangs finally exposed, Katakuri waits for the reaction he has been anticipating forever, his haki unable to be used as he’s not fully calm anymore. What will you say? Would you suddenly take a step backward, your fear unable to be muffled anymore? Peering down at you, he believes there won’t be any other way, any other ending for a man like him. Yet, as you’re staring at him, plastered against his torso, you don’t seem to go away.

“I don’t see any monster here…” You whisper tenderly, and smile at him. “You’re not hideous, and I don’t feel scared.”

Katakuri harshly swallows his spite, before he eventually cups both of your cheeks, the pad of his gloved thumbs caressing your skin.

“And I don’t wish you to go anywhere else but my mansion.” He answers, blushing harder than he would believe. “I don’t wish to cast you away. I was upset because of what I’m about to do.”

You frown, unsure, and he nods slowly.

“Finding good arguments to cancel this wedding, because Mama can be reasonable when she’s in the mood.” He continues, as he pulls you closer, more determined. “My wedding isn’t something as valuable as the weddings of other of my siblings. Mama wishes to have both the power and the strength to claim the pirate throne, and I shall be her weapon by her side, not a grounded husband, pleasing someone else’s whims. Mama will understand that.”

He squats down a little bit, until his eyes would be right in front of yours, his face dangerously close from yours. You have many thoughts crossing your mind, yet, not a single word is able to leave your mouth. Katakuri frowns.

“Will you stay by my side?” He asks with a weaker voice than expected, serious but flustered, his irises digging into yours. “I… don’t ever wish to lose you.”

You nod several times, both of your hands coming up to follow the curve of his jawline, silently analyzing the deep and forbidden beauty of his uncommon features. Katakuri eventually grabs one of your hand, pressing his lips onto your palm.

“If I ever need to marry someone, Name, I will do everything to marry you, and no one else.” He says, before he pulls you even closer. “But for now… I think I will just seal this promise with a kiss, if you allow me.”

Certain that his secret promise wouldn’t be busted by anyone in this foggy night, and once he’s sure you wouldn’t push him away anymore, Katakuri comes forward and presses his lips for the first time on yours, sealing this promise he has been thinking about for months already. Your love might be forbidden, unconventional and desperate, but as a man who has never known tenderness in the first place, he believes that he wouldn’t ever share this with anyone else. There, watched by the ghosts of Halloween and the gentle light of the lanterns, lips sealed, Katakuri feels like the happiest man in the world.

[hyunsuks-beanie]

You so cute 😭 pls First of alll thank you for all the kindness you put in your words .) I told you cz I wanted to get another opinion from the side🥺💖

About my last relationship.. it was the most hurtful , the person swore to stay with me forever and never let me go .. and I’ve tried so hard not to fall for them , but after 1y I gave up and gave my whole self in.. and after some time everything ended … it was 3 months ago and I’m not healing at all , I can’t .. :( I just lost trust everything., I thought we were like soulmates but ..

As for this guy friend , I know him 6 months , we became good friends (?) idk just good mates you know .. he was hitting on me from the day we met , but I said I’m taken and he seemed to be okay with friends.. I just wanted to be friends that’s it .. but apparently no guys want to be in my friend zone 😂😭😩🤡

So this guy , he doesn’t know I’m single now I haven’t told him at least and recently we have been having really good time together, so that’s why I wanted to give him smth for his bday , but just as a friend you know , but I was afraid he might fantasise something else out of it 😂

I changed my mind because of recent conversation we had .. where he expressed his opinion of women as creatures that must give birth to kids , it’s their duty, doesn’t matter you want them , you child free , doesn’t matter you were born to give legacy to men

That was like a slap for me .. omg I was and still so disappointed and mad at this kinda attitude and they way men see women like wth

Like the whole point of my existence from his words is to get a men and provide yes provide his with kids💀

There’s no emoji to describe how furious I am.. and I cannot believe many people even women stand by this position .. That’s so unfair.. I thought days of slavery were over …

As for marriage.. you probably can tell how I feel about it ?😂😭😭

IM SO SORRY FOR PUTTING ALL OF THIS ON YOU .. first I just wanted to ask if I should send 🍾 to my new dude friend.. and now you know almost everything about me 😂😭😩 I feel so awkward and guilty.. but from another side I wanted to listen to what you say .. I don’t know what’s wrong with me 😭😂 I’m sorry

I’m so disappointed rn, feeling so unworthy.. always dealing with sexism at work , now my friends and fam putting their narratives on me making me feel like the second sort of a human of course after men.. nothing helps at this point, I have this feeling like craved somewhere inside of me ..😖 even if I know theoretically all of us we have choice .. I feel caged

Ahhh I should really stop sharing this much 😭 I’m sorry I hope I’m not making you feel uncomfortable.. I just wish I had one person to understand me..

That’s all about this update

/ 🐱

Yes love I totally understand, and don't worry, it's definitely not a bother💖

Sad and ugly breakups are always the worst, and the fact that they hurt for so damn long is just heartbreaking😭I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but I hope you'll be able to pick the pieces up and move on one day soon. I know you lost trust in everyone and everything, but believe me, it gets better. I've been through it, and I came out happier and stronger. And so will you, so don't you worry💖

Honestly I hate it when people can't read the signals, like...can you stop hitting when you know the other person isn't interested? Anyway, being friend-zoned is never nice lol, so he definitely mustn't have liked it. And yeah, good thing you didn't exactly give him a present, bc his views on women and their role are PLAIN DESPICABLE. That's such a disgusting thing to think about women, and I mean, his mind honestly is in the 12th century smh. Like bitch please, I'm a woman, and I have far more important things in life than handling the household and bearing children.

Like sure, I want kids of my own one day, but thats because I WANT TO BE A MOTHER ONE DAY, not because I want to give some random man any right over my body wtf? And honestly, I'm happy you didn't tell him you're single now, it's none of his business and you're better off away.

I'm furious too, and yeah, it's really saddening how even so many women consider such stuff to be the responsibility of another woman, rather than a choice. People need to get their heads out of their asses. I'm sorry for the language but it is what it is.

And yeah, I understand your views on marriage and tbh I'm the same. Relationships just don't work for me and idk if I'll be able to take a life-long one at that.

Bestie noooo😭😭Not at all!! I'm just glad you trust me enough to tell me so much about yourself, and you can tell me stuff about yourself any time!! It's never annoying, and I'm never too busy for friends 💕And yeah, we all theoretically have a choice. But that's just it, it's theoretical for so many of us, not just women. There's people with views that are ancient, and they try to force them upon us and it's so annoying and hurtful😭But you gotta stand your ground and keep pushing, bc you've only got yourself.

[skullsandwineglasses]

The Legends (2019) - Halfway Review (first 30 episodes)

So far, this is a drama that I skim-watched, and I have only watched the first half. I keep hearing how the second half is even worse and goes downhill, so I’m bracing myself for it. But here are my thoughts about what worked for me and what didn’t. 

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

Plot Summary (this is kinda long, so skip to the next section if you’ve already watched it)

I actually really like the premise of the plot and think it’s different from your typical xianxia/wuxia/xuanhuan romance drama. The plot opens with a naive and innocent girl, Lu Zhao yao, who lives in a remote mountain forest with her grandfather. Their ancestral duty is to guard the seal of the Demon King’s son. Lu Zhao yao, our bubbly FL, is lonely. She wants a companion because it has always just been her and her grandfather in this empty and lonely mountain forest. 

One day, Luo Mingxuan from the Immortal sect breaks into cave in the forest and attempts to attack the Demon King��s son, but the son escapes and Luo Mingxuan is injured. The FL finds him, heals him, and falls for him. Luo Mingxuan is intrigued by her too. He tells her to be a good person and to be a keeper of peace of harmony in the world. He leaves, and she is determined to be a good person who saves people and helps the weak. 

Meanwhile, the Demon King’s son is bullied by the villagers and is soon captured by the Immortal sect who wants to execute to prevent him from becoming a harbinger of evil. Zhao yao saves him as her first good deed, defeats all the sect leaders, and proves herself to be far more superior than any of them. She is unbeatable, and therefore makes an enemy out of all of them. 

The Demon King’s son cares for her wounds, and she teaches him to stand up for himself and protect himself. She names him Mo Qing. She tells him her dream of wanting to build her own sect to help keep the peace in the world. He takes in everything she says with rapt attention. But she then tells him that she needs to leave him to find Luo Mingxuan, the person who inspired her to be a good person. She tells Mo Qing not to wait for her because she won’t come back. Mo Qing watches her leaves. Despite her telling him to start a new life, he never leaves the encampment that they’ve created because he has nowhere else to go. 

A month later, Zhao yao returns to the encampment, bloodied and jaded. When Zhao yao had gone to the Immortal sect to find Luo Mingxuan, he chained her up, tortured her, and forced her to reveal the location of the Demon King’s son. She refused to surrender because she’s adamant that she did the right thing in protecting an innocent boy who did no wrong. Luo Mingxuan says that she’s going down the path of evil and prepares to kill her. Her grandfather shows up to save her, but is killed by Luo Mingxuan. She then realizes that everything that Luo Mingxuan had said about being a good person and upholding peace and justice is a lie. Out of spite, she reasons that if everyone thinks she’s an evil person, then she’ll show them what it means to be truly devil and despicable. She sets out to become the most evil person they have yet to see. She’s hellbent on revenge, and no longer believes in love and in the goodness of people. I just love her petty attitude because I can relate to it so much. You think this is bad? Okay, I’ll show you bad. 

For the next 5 years, she builds her fearsome sect. She recruits a group of loyal followers, and is now known as a cruel and devilish conqueror. Mo Qing stays by her side as a quiet guard and gatekeeper of the sect’s entrance, watching her from the sidelines. On the day when Zhao yao tries to take the Wan Jun Sword, she tries to take advantage of his feelings for her and tells him to distract the people from the Immortal sect so that she can take the sword. But the sword instead calls out for him and wants him as its master. This causes the cave to collapse, and Zhao yao is buried in the rubbles, her last words accusing Mo Qing of betraying her. 

We then have another time skip of 5 years. Zhao yao is resurrected when her body comes into the contact with the blood of Qin Zhiyan, a disciple from the Immortal sect. Their bodies are now connected; whenever Zhiyan is hurt or injured, the same injuries are manifested on Zhao yao’s body. To other people, they both have Zhiyan’s face, and only Zhiyan can see Zhao yao’s true face. Zhiyan’s personality is the exact opposite of our FL. Zhiyan is meek, clumsy, kind, and not clever, which means that Zhao yao becomes the bossy half of this blood-connected duo. Zhao yao is determined to return to her sect and get revenge on Mo Qing whom she not only mistakenly thinks killed and betrayed her 5 years ago, but whom has now taken over as the leader of her sect. She wants to reclaim her position and restore her clan to its prior glory as a sect to be feared.  

Pacing

All of this happened within the first 4 opening episodes. To be honest, the first 2 episodes were slow. Episodes 3 and 4 were when the deaths, time skips, and Zhao yao’s rise and fall happened. 

Despite a slow first 2 episodes, the drama overall had a strong opening. We got to see a reversal of power dynamics where the FL is evil and powerful, while the ML is the quiet and demure “damsel in distress” who secretly crushes on the FL. It’s different from the usual underdog storyline. 

But after Zhao yao’s “death”, the plot slows down. The power dynamics reverts back to what we typically see in xianxia dramas: the ML becomes the almighty powerful sect leader, while the FL has lost her powers and her identity, and has to now pretend to want to be his disciple in order to slowly regain her power so that she can kill him and get her revenge. 

From episode 5 onwards, the FL’s arc is about how she and Zhiyan have to pretend to be the same person. This means that sometimes one of them has to hide (usually Zhiyan) so that no one sees both of them. However, this also means that we see more of the actress who plays Zhiyan than Bai Lu. While the second lead actress is good and is able to pull off playing both roles, I didn’t choose to watch the drama because of her. I had just started to get used to Bai Lu as the FL, and now suddenly, I’m forced to see the face of another actress as the FL. I imagine that this is when the drama loses most of its audience. It really tests your patience. In the comment section of these episodes, I saw a lot of people asking when the FL gets her face back because if the switch doesn’t happen soon, they’ll drop the drama. 

I was also *this* close to dropping the drama. It felt the Bai Lu barely had any screen time, and the SFL had very little chemistry with Xu Kai (which I guess was the point). And speaking of screen time, Xu Kai only appears for like 10 minutes per episode. 

The leads also felt very removed from all the plotting and scheming that was happening amongst the sects around them. So not even 10 episodes into the drama, the plot felt like a drag. 

When you realize that Zhao yao won’t get her face back anytime soon, you begin to wonder how the romance between her and Mo Qing will progress. Will he fall for her personality even though she has Zhiyan’s face? Does this mean that he’ll fall in love with both Zhiyan and Zhao yao because he thinks they’re the same person and doesn’t know that there’s 2 of them? Is this going to turn into some kind of moral/philosophical dilemma about what is means to love someone’s soul? Is this going to turn into some messed up love triangle?

Thankfully, Mo Qing figures out what’s happening pretty soon (around episode 11), so he knows that Zhao yao and Zhiyan are distinct people. We don’t really see his thought process for how he is able to figure things out, but we just assume that he’s able to put the clues together. It seems that at first, he might have assumed that they inhabit the same body (like a Stephanie Meyer’s The Host kind of situation), where Zhao yao takes over at night, but then soon he figures out that Zhao yao is actually just invisible during the day, and appears at night with Zhiyan’s face. But then he gives Zhao yao her old necklace, which allows him to see her in her true form during the day and night, even though she doesn’t know it. 

The Good

This brings to me to talk about what I do like about the drama. Both the ML and FL are clever people. They’re able to see through people’s schemes and are always one step ahead. We also see that Zhao yao, the fearless conqueror/demonness, has met her match, which makes their interactions really cute to watch. Zhao yao used to be his hero that he could only admire from afar. She was the haughty sect leader that he could barely talk to because she her attention was always occupied by other things. But now, he’s her superior and the one giving out orders, while she has to put on an act to please him because she’s now his disciple. But at the same time, she keeps trying to kill him, and he knows it, and he’s always amused by her attempts because it’s a reminder that Zhao yao has really come back to him. He simultaneously enjoys and is hurt by her hate for him. Talk about being masochistic. 

I’m also a sucker for reincarnation/ghost plots. While Zhao yao isn’t exactly reincarnated (but more like reawakened), and she isn’t exactly a ghost but is invisible, the way that the plot plays out is similar. Both the ML and FL metaphorically have a new life: he’s a sect leader when he was once someone who was bullied and persecuted and couldn’t protect himself, and she’s now just a disciple who needs his help from time to time. It’s always funny when he respectfully refers to Zhao yao in the third person to other people as the previous sect leader, even though she’s in the same room with them. And it’s also funny how she calls him that weird ugly kid, her first nickname for him when they first met, whenever he’s not in the room with her. The way they talk about each other in reference to their “previous life” is such as contrast from how they currently treat other when face to face. 

The invisibility plot point is also fun, especially in episode 21 when he follows her around town. It’s also the first time when we’re explicitly shown what he sees from his point of view. Zhao yao is like a hologram, and with a bit of magic and concentration, Mo Qing is able to lift the invisible “mask” that covers her to see her in her true form. Zhao yao is always startled when Mo Qing seems to be looking right at her. 

But between episodes 12 and 20, the plot stagnates. It’s not until episode 21 when it picks up again because all the subplots and backstories finally start to come together. And so far, episodes 21-30 have been good. The leads are finally getting involved with the larger plot. They actually make things happen. There are important consequences to their actions and decisions. Zhao yao still  doesn’t get her face back, but everyone finally knows that there are two of them, so Zhao yao and Zhiyan don’t have to keep playing the hiding/switching game. Luo mingxuan finally wakes up from his slumber, so the original villain of the drama has returned. It turns out that Jiang Wu is just a manifestation of Qin Qianxuan’s lust for Zhao yao. Lu Shiqi, a teenager(?) raised by Zhao yao, reppears again for the first time since episode 4. Mo Qing’s inner demon is starting to come out. Zhao yao finally finds out that Mo Qing already knew that she had come back from the dead and that she is invisible during the day all along. She also finally starts to accept that he has feelings for her and her for him (That line in episode 30 though: “If you fight, I’ll be your sword, if you retreat, I’ll be your shield”). The plot is finally getting good. But I’m just worried about how it’s going to be handled from here since I keep hearing how weak the second half is. 

I also like Zhao yao and Zhiyan’s relationship. Yes, they’re blood-bonded so they’re forced to look out for each other, but I just really like how wholesome their relationship is and how much they do care for one another. They have to share their secrets with each other because it’s them against the world. They’re a unit, and their survival depends on them cooperating and trusting each other. 

The Meh

The villains haven’t really been a threat to the leads, and they’re not that interesting tbh. I always skip the scenes when they’re scheming (which are a lot of scenes), and I’m still able to follow the gist. Like I already mentioned, up until episode 21, the leads felt so removed from what was happening in the other sects. Despite being a sect leader, it doesn’t feel like Mo Qing really does much besides interact with the FL, and the FL doesn’t do much besides stir up antics. She doesn’t actively try to figure out how to get her face back. She just thinks that if she gets Zhiyan to do more good deeds in her name, then she’ll wrack up more underworld credits, and she’ll be able to buy the pill that will help her restore her powers. But it’s also a little odd that her credit count is increasing so slowly when she’s done a lot to help Zhiyan. 

Mo Qing and Zhao yao have a really cute romantic arc, but Mo Qing is a very typically ML who unconditionally loves the FL and sacrifices everything for her. He doesn’t really stand out from the other xianxia MLs, and his character isn’t given much to work with (especially with so little screen time). Compare him with Sifeng from Love and Redemption or Ye Hua from Eternal Love who had to express so much pain and suffering. Maybe the angst just hasn’t happened yet in this drama.  

Mo Qing’s love and devotion to Zhao yao was also a little hard to believe at first. They only really interacted with each other closely for a handful of scenes over a period of a few days, but I guess when you take into consideration that he was abused and abandoned as a child, and then bullied and nearly executed, then the fact that Zhao yao was the first person to care for him, be his friend, and give him a name, it’s no wonder that he’d go to the ends of the earth for her. 

There is a very little character development, and the world building stagnated after the first few episodes. I guess we start to see some growth in Zhao yao and Zhiyan in the 20s episodes, where Zhao yao learns to be more caring and tender, and Zhiyan learns to be a bit more confrontational, but for the most part, it feels like things are happening to them and they’re just reacting to it. Zhao yao may seem assertive, but she doesn’t cause things to happen. Her being invisible does hinder her agency and makes her more of an observer in the drama. It feels like she’s been laying low for so long now, so I’m looking forward to seeing what she does in the next episodes now that Luo Mingxuan has awakened. 

I remember when this drama first came out in 2019, I had just finished Fuyao a few months prior, so I didn’t want to watch what seemed like a second-rate version of Fuyao. But this drama has a completely different premise, so I guess it goes to show not to judge a drama by its name. 

I also wasn’t in the mood to watch a drama where the leads are my age. I’m still getting used to the idea of people my age on screen, while I’m watching them at home, still having no idea what I want to do with my life. 

In terms of plot, it’s hard to compare Fuyao and Zhao yao since they’re so different. Fuyao works her way to becoming a powerful general, while Zhao yao starts as a powerful general and then loses everything. 

Overall halfway impression

People say that you should watch this drama for the romance between the leads, and while yes, the romance is watchable, I don’t know if that’s enough to carry you through this drama since the romance progresses very slowly. The leads only have a few scenes together in each episode, so you’re skipping most of it. Essentially, this is a very skimmable drama. I’m hoping that I’ll skim less as the leads become more involved in the sect politics, and I wonder if I’ll still be invested in the romance when Zhao yao and Mo Qing officially get together. Stay tuned.

Update: So I’m on episode 35 now, and it seems like a good place to end things. Is this where things start to go downhill because they’re going to drag it out to 55 episodes? 

[soukokuwu]

NAKAHARA CHUUYA

TO CATCH A DREAM

》 fluff, for a change

》 word count: 2.3k

》 one of the prompts my sweet anon sent me, hope this isn’t too disappointing! (i’m also going to work on your other suggestions)

》 also, to the other anons— yes I’ll work on the Fyodor and Gogol requests too

“it takes you by surprise”

It had been, what, three years since you’ve left the Port Mafia? Why was it still causing an emptiness within you? Yes, it had been your home since you could remember, you practically grew up in the mafia. But Mori had practically sent Oda to his death. You had thought the world of Mori, admired him and his witty ways, how he managed to command the respect of such a huge organisation. But sending Oda into a suicide mission? Letting slip of the orphans under his care, using their death as a form of ‘motivation’?

That was too much. Way too much.

You weren’t close to Oda, not by a mile. You’ve only seen him interact with Dazai a few times, and other times you’ve only heard about Dazai rambling on about them drinking in Lupin. But you had heard enough about Oda to gain a certain amount of admiration for the man. He was part of the mafia, and yet you knew he could do much better.

His death led to Dazai’s departure from the Port Mafia. And yours.

The day he died, Dazai had visited you in the wee hours of the night, drunk and upset. He had told you everything. What Mori did, why he did it, what happened to Oda and what his last words were. It was the first and only time you’ve ever seen your best friend so distraught. You were in disbelief, but there was no denying– Mori could be that despicable.

You had packed up all your belongings and left with your best friend. It wouldn’t have been such a hard decision if there wasn’t anybody you would miss, but there was. And you couldn’t even warn him, you didn’t want to put him on the spot. If you told him you would leave, either one or two things would happen: he would help you keep it a secret or he would try to stop you. Both of it would end horribly, and you didn’t want to affect his life negatively. The Port Mafia was his home, the one place he felt that he belonged, and you didn’t want to take that away from him.

It had been three long years after you left the mafia and Yokohama. But now that you were back in the city, you felt emptier than you thought you would. As you took a seat on the ground, you peered out into the open sea. You remembered the last time you were here. With him. It was the last time you saw him before you left the mafia.

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

“Do I finally get to call you mine?”

You shook your head at the redhead, exasperated, chuckling silently as you playfully pushed him. “Do you not get tired of asking me that?”

“Oh someone is still adamant on rejecting me, huh?” he droned on dramatically. The ginger poured some wine into your glass and looked up to the sky, pondering out loud, “Why doesn’t this beautiful lady want to be Mrs. Nakahara Chuuya?”

“Oh shut up,” you groaned, cringing at how cheesy he was being.

You got to know him through Dazai, since they had become partners, and he had transitioned into a dear friend of yours. It was always endearing to watch them squabble. Like two proud people who would never admit they actually work well together.

You remembered laughing a lot that night, wishing more nights could be like that. It was filled with innocent wonderment, the light brushing of your arms against his. The two of you were much more than friends and everyone could see that, but your aversion to anything that made you happy always reared its ugly head somehow.

The way you managed to ruin everything that made you happy the moment you obtained them– you didn’t want it to happen with Chuuya. You wanted him with you, forever, even if it meant you two weren’t together.

That night was filled with drinking wine and chilling by the seaside, talking about anything and everything all at once. You remembered laughing more than you did all day, and enjoying yourself more than you thought you could.

It ended when he realised you were getting a little too inebriated. He didn’t want you to be feeling too hungover the next day, he didn’t want it to affect your work. If you wanted to get wasted he would always entertain you on the weekends.

“Okay, we’re all out of wine tonight, let’s head back.”

“But I don’t want to,” you whined. You weren’t drunk at all, just a little light-headed. But you drank enough to be shamelessly honest. The normal you would not admit you enjoy the redhead’s company, but now the words were coming out unfiltered.

“Come,” Chuuya said, holding out his hand, patiently waiting for you to accept it.

You looked at him, dubious. “Come where?”

He sighed, hands reaching down to help you up, to which you resignedly complied. “I’m taking you home.”

A wave of surprise came over him as you replied, “As long as it’s you.”

Minutes later, you were clinging onto Chuuya for dear life. This was not what you had in mind when he said he’d take you home. You were practically standing on a small piece of land flying over the city, made possible thanks to Chuuya and his gravity manipulation. Thank god you didn’t drink that much, if not you were sure you’d be puking all over the city right now.

You were too busy burying your head in the crook of his neck to notice how much Chuuya was enjoying this. He was grinning widely, surprised to find that you were afraid of heights. Your face was all scrunched up in such an adorable expression of fear, and your hair was flowing so elegantly due to the wind. He tried to ignore the feelings bubbling up inside him, well aware you would only try to bury any that you harboured for him. If this was the only kind of intimacy he could afford with you, he would take it. He would enjoy this moment, hugging you and feeling your touch in return. This was better than nothing.

The trip home was quick, and you found yourself a little disappointed after pulling yourself away from Chuuya. He ruffled your hair affectionately after noticing your disheartened reaction. Why would you keep pushing him away when it’s evident that you wanted more? He always questioned himself of that, not that he ever allowed himself to actually ask you. The last thing he wanted was for you to feel uncomfortable.

“Get some rest, okay?”

“Yes, dad,” you mocked, sticking your tongue out.

Chuuya couldn’t help himself. He laughed at how adorable you were being, ruffled your hair, and let a ‘cute’ slip out. Your eyes widened, astonished by the sudden compliment. It was funny, Chuuya had thought he would be more embarrassed, but somehow he liked this. Being able to tell you how he felt– he liked it. His grin turned into a soft smile as he gazed at you, ruffling your hair, before leaning down to place a kiss atop your head.

“Goodnight.”

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

Your heart beat faster as you recalled his tender kiss. It was pure, which made it all the more precious. You knew you were still in love with him, but that was something you had tried to keep buried deep within you. It was hard enough getting you to admit that to yourself while you were in the mafia, it would be even harder now that you were practically a fugitive. You managed to always give yourself an excuse, claiming that if it was supposed to be then it would happen.

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be after all.

The sun was setting over the horizon. The sky was painted in mesmerising orange hues. It felt calming, tranquil. You looked at your watch. It was almost seven. Time to get going. Dazai would start drinking without you at this rate. You got up and stretched, excited about meeting your best friend after three long years apart. You had heard he found a nice job and you couldn’t wait to get to know all about this new Dazai. With a slight skip in your step, you walked off.

“Who are you so excited to see?”

You froze at the friendly voice. The voice you’ve wanted to hear ever since you left. His shadow got closer to yours, and you could smell the familiar musky scent. You were stuck rooted to the spot, uncertain of what to do.

What was the best course of action here? It wasn’t like you could outrun him. You were still a Port Mafia fugitive, and he was still a Port Mafia executive, one very doted on by Mori himself at that. What if Mori found out you were here? What if he sent Chuuya here to test his loyalty? It would result in so much trouble. As much as Chuuya used to be intimate with you, you knew his role as executive would always come first to him. There was no escape if they already found you. Should you just jump in the river and hope you drown?

“Hey, I asked you something,” the redhead muttered impatiently. Once he realised you were too deep in thought to listen, he stepped closer toward you. Why are you shivering?

Panic was still afire in your mind. It was always a bad trait of yours. You weren’t very quick at thinking on your feet. Your mind was whirling through hundreds of different scenarios, but what happened next wasn’t something you would’ve thought of.

Arms embraced you from behind. From the corner of your eye you could make out his ginger hair, and you could feel his cheek against yours. His face was tilted in toward your neck, and you could feel his shallow breathing, your ears turning beet red from the proximity. You could feel his heart beat as he gently squeezed you, seemingly not wanting to let go. You had dreamt about this reunion countless times before, and now it was finally real.

“I- I was going to meet Dazai for a drink,” you choked out, half-surprised and half-terrified.

“Don’t be like that,” his warm, velvety voice pleaded.

The warmth in his tone calmed you down enough to make you stop overthinking the situation. If he was here to kill you, he would do it. If you ran, he would catch you in the end. Any kind of resistance would be futile. Any way this situation played out, you would be at his mercy. You might as well face your old friend genuinely. So you turned around, catching sight of that familiar face of home.

“Be like what?”

“Afraid of me,” he muttered. You could almost melt at his soft puppy-like expression. It almost looked like it pained him to see you. You wanted to assure him that you weren’t— not anymore, but you couldn’t get the words out. You were too happy. Tears were forming in your eyes. You didn’t even realise you had started smiling sweetly up at him.

Chuuya finally saw the smile that had been haunting him for years, the smile that he thought he’d never get to see again, the one he could only imagine being the reason behind. Now here it was, standing in front of him, and it was more magical than he thought it would be. He felt the glee building up inside him. The lady he was in love with since he first got to know her, the one that gripped his heart the instant he caught a glimpse of her smile and heard her laugh— she was back, and very real. This was not in his head. He enveloped you in another hug, a tighter one.

“Ditch him.”

“What?”

“Screw that shitty Dazai.” The ginger tucked your hair behind your ears before cupping your face with his gloved hands. “This time, come with me.”

There was a fire in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. Right in this moment, he was determined.

“But what about the mafia?”

“Mori let you go,” Chuuya stated, much to your surprise. “He asked me what we should do the moment you and that bastard left. I told him you were just an assistant medic. You knew next to nothing about the Port Mafia’s top secrets. But I also told him that if you threatened our existence that I would be the one who would stop you. It pacified him enough.”

So that’s why nothing bad ever happened to you by their hands. Right till the end, even after you left, Chuuya still protected you. It didn’t take a genius to see how betrayed Chuuya felt after he heard you had left with his partner with not so much as even a warning. No note, no explanation. He figured out why you left, Dazai was your best friend after all and he knew Oda was someone you looked up to from afar. It didn’t ease his anger, though, because your wordless departure had left him feeling fucked up even months after. It was as though you thought he wasn’t worth any explanation. He had thought that he could never forgive you for leaving, but now that you were together again he forgot he ever got mad at you.

Slowly, Chuuya inched toward you, his face drawing closer. When there was barely any space between the two of you, he stopped to ask, “So what do you say?”

“Okay, let me-” Just as you were reaching for your phone to postpone your plans with Dazai, hands pulled you toward them, crushing their lips with yours. It was soft and loving, patient and sweet— everything you imagined and more. Your brain was screaming at you to push him away, reminding you of the endless possibilities of how this could all go wrong, why you should protect yourself from it. But this time, your heart had reign over you. You were back in Yokohama and you were here to stay. Maybe this warranted you a chance to make yourself happy, to stop pushing his affections away.

Chuuya stopped the kiss, slowly pulling himself away, eyes fondly looking into yours. His hand was still holding the back of your neck and his heart was still filled with overwhelming exhilaration at your return. “I’d love to catch up but first things first,” he said in between breaths as he continued kissing you, “are you going to stay with me this time?”

“Always.”

“That’s my girl.”

“there is no other”

[sooibian]

Freed

image from Pinterest, edited by me

Pairing: Baekhyun x Fem!Reader

A/N: Dedicated to smol bby @vampwrrr ’s magnificent mistresspiece Sweet Lies

Inspired by: I’m sorry about the blood in your mouth, I wish it was mine - Richard Siken +

Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations - Margaret Atwood

Description: A headcanon exploring SL OC’s thoughts after Baekhyun’s confession.

Genre/Warnings: Dark themes, destructive thoughts, Ambiguous AU

Word count: ~ 1.3k

Mollycoddling a murderer.

This isn’t how you thought you’d react. Not in your wildest dreams. In your wildest dreams, you’d probably strike him with a vase or a glass bottle like they do in the movies: out of horror or hurt or both. His head was supposed to be on the floor, completely drained off of blood, not solaced in the comfort of your lap.

This isn’t how you were raised to react. It went against everything you ever believed to be true - the bits and pieces that made you you. The rationalization of the black and white and the in-between. But you know now that the in-between isn’t what they say it is. The in-between isn’t grey. It’s technicolour. It’s the red of passion, the blue of stability, the yellow of happiness. 

They say it’s grey because they’re so terrified of their own sentiments - resisting them so vehemently. Desensitizing themselves to being almost human. 

Perhaps they’ve never been in a love this…grave. Grave. You swish the word in your mouth like an ice cube, the insides of your cheeks feeling unpleasantly cold. Grave. Like it’s going to be the death of you. 

This love. 

You thought you had a choice in the matter. Whatever it may be, you always had a choice. The sheer ridiculousness of this thought makes you chuckle - your yeses and noes never mattered. You’ve been nothing more than a dry leaf caught in the wind. Drifting. Dancing to the whims of the air current. 

Decisions, decisions. 

So much wasted time on the events you had no control over: it had been one giant, extensive freefall. The happiness, the suffering. It was all beyond you. You weren’t required to piece the puzzle, only make sense of it. 

Or not. 

Baekhyun’s asleep, his breathing is levelled. Scarily soft. This is the calm after the storm. He’s come clean. Is this supposed to purge him of his sins?

Questions. So many questions. 

Is he worthy of your trust? But, do you still hold him accountable for it? Accountable for his own actions? Maybe. Accountable for you? Questions…questions…

Dangling, devoid of control, perhaps to him you were a puppet. A plaything. Maybe his favourite plaything. Yet, just that. But does this negate his feelings? Even if it was all just an act: to lure you in, to keep you forever. Doesn’t mean it was untrue. It couldn’t have been. Not all of it.

There’s a gossamer-thin line between surreal and untrue.

You’ve always wondered, much to your detriment, if you were ever worthy of his love. Would you be able to carry the weight of this question or sink underneath it. But this question still stands: very valid in its own right. It often sprouts prickly seeds of negativity in your heart and mind. So you shove down the deepest darkest corner of your subconscious: hacking it off every time it rears its ugly head. 

So, are you worthy? Have you ever been worthy? For a moment, even?

Baekhyun is the embodiment of for better, for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…

‘til death do us part. 

Maybe he’d be better qualified to gauge your worthiness. Maybe he’d even think of it as futile. Maybe none of this ever mattered to him for as long as you’d let him love you.

Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations.

….as long as you’d let him love you. You find a juvenile sense of comfort in this idea of having some semblance of control.

So, what now? You think, stroking his pretty little head that holds secrets so profoundly tragic. How does this earthen vessel, entirely made up of milk and honey and one trauma, not disintegrate by the sheer impact of its choices?

Would anybody actually believe this? Your ever so sweet and puppy-like Baekhyun was actually capable of acts this despicable? Your saviour was also a destroyer because of the one heinous thing he witnessed. The one thing that so terribly skewed the chemical balance of his brilliant brain. But aren’t we all bent out of shape? In our own way? Who’s to be the judge of these imbalances? How much is too much? At what point do the scales tip?

If you were to turn him in, who’s to say he’d come out a changed man?

If they ever let him out, that is.

He’s not the absolute worst of the lot. He’s not a wife-beater, a cheater, or a rapist. Maybe you’re rationalizing. But some would even argue that The Reaper is actually scrubbing the earth off its scum. Is this supposed to make him a hero? 

He’s no hero, he’s no vigilante.

He’s your husband.

Who’s loved you unequivocally, albeit in his own twisted way. He is your husband. And you are going to protect him. You’re not going to turn him in. You’re not losing the one person that’s loved you this catastrophically. 

It all boils to one question.

“Baekhyun? Sweetheart?”

You’re as gentle as you’d be with a newborn. But he awakens with a shudder and sits across from you: hunched, cross legged, hair disheveled, eyes bloodshot, brows pinched together, lips protruding in a pout. The seam of your trousers had imprinted a reddish dent across his right cheek.

“It’s alright, puppy. It’s alright”, the tips of your fingers tenderly travel the stretch of his face: relearning, tracing his eyelashes, the curve of his lips, his jaw, his cute little nose.

“Little doe, don’t leave”, he pulls away and begins to cry, sobs muffled as he presses his face into his hands. 

“I’m here, Baekhyunie. I’m here”, you grip his wrist, tugging, urging him to look at you.

“Always?” 

His gaze shoots up to meet yours. Steady. Challenging.

“Baekhyun…”

“Always?” 

Testing.

“Baekhyun, please…”

“Sorry, I’m sorry…I’m not right for you..I never have been. You deserve better, you deserve more! If you want to leave, I understand…”

Your skin is raw, it’s sensitive. Like you’re reborn out of red hot flames. Pure. Clean. Carrying no cuts and bruises of the past. Maybe this is what it feels like.

Being in control.

Finally.

“Baekhyun, can you stop?”

His eyes bore into yours, journeying the bottomless pit of your soul. You catch his molten chocolate irises darken in a flash. Jaw clenched, hands hardened into fists, he rasps through gritted teeth -

“No.”

You take his fists and bring them up to your lips, peppering them with soft kisses, soothing them open. Then, the tips of his fingers. Slow, deliberate pecks. His eyes, although calculating and unsure, soften again, lips ease into a mellow smile. 

You make your way into his lap, cup his face, his lips barely an inch from yours. The nearly domineering grip of his arms around your waist steadying you. Inside and out.

He’s truly a work of art. Deeply unsettling, thought-provoking. An enigma. The pain that runs so deep in his blood, you wish to tear it away from him. However ruinous it may end up being. For him. 

For you.

You run your thumb across his lower lip, his eyes flutter shut almost involuntarily at the contact. Blood rushes to your head as your lips crash into his and a breath escapes him in a throaty groan. 

He tastes like iron. 

Leisurely at first, he’s quick to match your fervour then just like that, he outpaces you, leaving you gasping for each breath. His fingers dig deep into the skin of your back. Craving, yet carrying the potential to crush your bones to dust.

You’d let him. 

A/N: Thank you @changshapatrol​ and @vampwrrr​ for being my friends *pouts* i love you both very much 💕