#some phrases feel. weird and unfitted though

[ectoplasmer]

squinting really hard at that egogender label again

[malewifegrantaire]

The Birthday Thing

READ PART ONE HERE

PART TWO: Guess who’s coming to dinner hang out for no apparent reason (as far as Grantaire can tell)?

Combeferre had inadvertently ruined the rest of Grantaire’s week. It wasn’t his fault, of course. He couldn’t be blamed for Grantaire’s Incredibly Bad Brain. But still, “I just know Enjolras and I know he likes you” is a very reckless phrase to pepper into a conversation with someone of Grantaire’s constitution. He could hardly fall asleep that night because the words I know he likes you were clanging too loudly against the bars of the jail cell he called a mind. He didn’t mind too much though. The clanging was because Enjolras liked him, which made all of the noise sound a bit like music.

Grantaire picked out an outfit for the party and laid it out like he was a little kid excited for a school trip. Embarrassed with himself, he threw the entire outfit into his clothing hamper so he wouldn’t have to look at it lying out on his dresser anymore. Which was obviously a mistake, because now the clothes were are wrinkled and they were touching his actually dirty clothes. Which meant now he had to do a half load of laundry on a weekday, which he really didn’t like doing.

As he folded his laundry, Grantaire felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Huh. It was from Combeferre. Odd.

hey, are u free? sorry lol i am bored and wanted to know if u wanna hang out ??

Very odd. Maybe the wrong number? Just to be safe, Grantaire texted back:

grantaire is folding laundry right now, like a responsible adult.

Two texts back:

very interesting use of third person..

i can help if u want! i love 2 fold things

So this was Grantaire’s life. He used to be young and wild, and now he’s the sort of person that makes plans with people who text him sentences like “i love 2 fold things.” He typed his response.

uh, sure? might get boring, but i’ll never say no to an extra set of hands.

About fifteen minutes later, Combeferre was inside of Grantaire’s apartment. “You got here fast.” Grantaire said.

“I was in the neighborhood.”

“Aren’t you always?”

Combeferre took in Grantaire’s apartment, which gave Grantaire such a wave of self-consciousness that he thought he might be sick. It was a fine apartment, kept clean mostly because Grantaire hardly spent any time in it. The ceilings were far too low for Combeferre.

“This is a really nice place.” Combeferre said. “Have you lived here long?”

“Five years, I think.” Grantaire said. “I think the landlord thought I’d have left by now, but, well. I’m still here.”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s nice. Good windows. Not easy to come by.”

Grantaire laughed at that. “Hey, was there something you wanted to talk about? Or are you just here to admire my big beautiful windows?”

Combeferre looked slightly embarrassed. “Uh, the latter, I guess.” he said. “I mean, just what I texted, I was bored, and I guess . . . I don’t know. I guess I thought we could just hang out?”

Now it was Grantaire’s turn to be embarrassed. Of course. Combeferre is the sort of person who’s actually, you know, decent. He was just trying to be nice and Grantaire was accusing him of having an ulterior motive. Way to go. Grantaire cleared his throat. “Well, thanks for coming. Feel free to park wherever. I only did a half load of laundry so I’m finished folding, sorry. I know how much you love to fold.”

“I went through a very intense Marie Kondo phase.” Combeferre grinned. “Let me know if you ever need your closet to be reorganized.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Grantaire said. It was dawning on him that, being more of the roaming type than the nesting type, Grantaire almost never had people over his apartment, and therefore had very little hosting experience. So he did what he always did in situations like this - said what people say in movies and books and all that.

“Can I offer you a beverage of some kind? I’ve got . . . tap water. And orange juice. And maybe beer?”

“I’m alright, thanks.” Combeferre said kindly. Combeferre’s fridge was probably fully stocked with sparkling water in every flavor for guests to sip on, the bastard. He sat down in a little chair by the kitchenette. “What, what is it?” he asked, looking at Grantaire’s expression. “Why are you - what’s funny?”

“Everything is too small for you in here. It’s like shoving a Barbie doll into a Polly Pocket house.” Grantaire said with a laugh. Combeferre tucked his long legs a bit closer to himself.

“Well, Barbie is a good role model, so I’ll take that.”

“I think an averaged sized woman or two might disagree. Anyways, you’ve got impeccable timing.”

“What do you mean?” Combeferre inquired.

“I mean that someone must have wanted us to hang out today. God, the Fates, some non-denominational arbiter of Destiny.” Grantaire was doing that thing he always did where he ended sentences in a way that begged the listener to ask him to explain himself. Why he chose to speak in these irritating circles? We will likely never know. Grantaire sure as hell didn’t.

Combeferre rolled his eyes, but he seemed more amused than annoyed. “You’re impossible.”

“It’s been said before.” was Grantaire’s reply. “What I mean to say is I’m literally never home. Not literally-literally, but, you know. This apartment is basically a glorified storage unit that I visit when there is absolutely nothing else to do. So the fact that you happened to be passing by on a laundry day...”

“... a work of divine intervention?” Combeferre finished.

“I’d go so far as to call it a miracle if I believed in that sort of thing.” Grantaire said.

Combeferre’s next question caught Grantaire off-guard somewhat. “So you’re an atheist, then?”

Grantaire had never actually seen a shrink, but he had the passing sensation of being sprawled out on some brown leather fainting sofa. Maybe that’s what this was, a psych eval. He’d get a message from the official Les Amis de l’ABC e-mail account later in the week saying “sorry, R, you’ve been deemed mentally unfit to be a part of this organization. We know the Musain is public property, but if you could avoid the premises during our scheduled meeting times we all think that’d be for the best.”

“Well, yeah, aren’t all of the lefties heathens nowadays? At least that’s what Twitter tells me.” he said. His paranoia would not rob him of his (debatable) sense of humor.

Combeferre just shrugged. “I guess if I had to call myself something I’d say I’m agnostic.”

“Huh!” Grantaire said, genuinely surprised. “A member of the ‘namby-pamby, mushy pap, weak-tea, weedy, pallid fence-sitter’ brigade, are we?”

Two things occurred to Combeferre at once: One, that Grantaire was quoting Richard Dawkins, and two, that Grantaire could not have been certain that Combeferre would recognize the quote when he said it. Grantaire was both the sort of person that committed Dawkins to memory and the sort that didn’t really care if someone mistook his references for a string of improvised insults. The more Grantaire spoke, the more Combeferre became aware of how little speaking they’d ever done.

“I guess I just think one can never be sure.” Combeferre said.

Grantaire thought now would be a good time for a subject change. “So, how is party planning going?” he asked.

Combeferre sighed. “It’s . . . it’s going.” he said. “Well, okay, I’m being dramatic. Courfeyrac is actually the one doing most of the planning. I just get weird about stuff like this. I want Enjolras to like everything, you know?”

“I don’t think Enjolras is capable of disliking anything you do.” Grantaire said in a way that to the untrained ear might sound like a veiled insult, but that Combeferre suspected was an attempt at genuine sincerity.

“Well, thanks.” Combeferre smiled gratefully. “I just want him to have a good time.”

“He will. It’s the rest of us you’ll have to work to entertain.”

“Well, Courfeyrac has a slew of party games he’s preparing. Oh, and, uh, Enjolras mentioned he’s glad you’ll be able to make it. By the way.” Combeferre said, which made Grantaire blush, which made Combeferre smile.

Grantaire hated that. Not just when Combeferre did it, when any of them did. Making faces or little comments, as if they were in on some big secret. It’s like they were proud of themselves for noticing Grantaire’s little crush, like they knew something funny or scandalous or cute. But they didn’t know anything, not really. Grantaire didn’t have a crush on Enjolras at all. It was more like a religion. Maybe he’d been too quick to brand himself an atheist earlier.

His annoyance with Combeferre soured the rest of their conversation. He became mean, curt, and downright humorless. This wasn’t at all fair, he knew. Grantaire probably annoyed Combeferre every third sentence (maybe every third word) and that had never stopped Combeferre from being his usual amiable self. There was another difference between the two: Grantaire lacked both grace and graciousness, and Combeferre, it seemed, never ran out of either.

“Well, I guess I should be leaving.” Combeferre said after a while, rising from the squat chair he was sitting in.

“I guess.”

“Uh, thank you for having me over. We should do this again some time. I had fun.” Combeferre lied.

Grantaire smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. “Yeah, why don’t we all do brunch some time? You can bring your friends, it’ll be a real party. Everyone can sit around admiring my huge windows. What a blast!”

Combeferre knew he was joking, but he couldn’t decipher the punchline. What would be so bad about having all of their friends over for brunch? Why did he say the word “friends” like that, all sardonic and italicized? Combeferre almost asked him, but instead he just shook his head and smiled.

“Okay. Well. Bye!”

Grantaire waved lazily. “See you around.”

Under normal circumstances, the phrase “Enjolras mentioned he’s glad you’ll be able to make it” would have found itself fluttering in the pit of Grantaire’s stomach. Instead, there was something else sitting in there. Something that felt a bit like failure, a bit like guilt, and - most surprising of all - a bit like affection.

This is precisely why he didn’t like having people over.

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 1.5.8 “Madame Victurnien Spends Thirty-Five Francs On Morality”

Hugo does this with so many of the societal tragedies in this book. He sets everything up like everything is great and everyone is happy, only to have the facade crumble. It happened with the students/grisettes outing in 1.4 and in the description of the Thenardier children at Montfermeil, and it’s happening now with the description of Montreuil-sur-Mer’s prosperity. Everyone’s so happy and has good income and pays taxes! Oh wait, here’s how the people of this town fucked over one poor woman. (And how many other women have had something similar happen to them because of the nosey people.)

I’m really stuck on the line that Fantine “forgot many things.” She admired her appearance and thought about Cosette and the future and was almost happy, but she also forgot many things. What did she forget? Not Tholomyes, I don’t think, because on the next page he says she thinks of him. It’s such an odd little phrase. I just can’t think of what “many things” she could forget.

Hugo says she rented a room and furniture on credit, “a remnant of her former disorderly ways.” Fantine thinks she’s getting herself back on track, that this renting stuff on credit will be the last time she’ll have to do something “disorderly” and that now that she’s making a living with her own work she’ll be fine. The Hapgood translation is “improvident,” by the way, which I think makes more sense. However I find it interesting that Hugo calls her renting a room on credit a lack of foresight, when really it’s just a necessity out of extreme poverty. She had 23 francs when she left Montfermeil, and I can’t imagine she has much--or any--left when she arrives. Her behavior in Paris, of not taking job opportunities when they arose because of her affair with Tholomyes, I think that makes at least a little sense to call improvident. But not her renting and furnishing her rooms on credit, which seems desperate rather than prodigal.

The townspeople whisper that Fantine “put on airs,” which is the same accusation Favourite had of her back in 1.3.4 while on the swing. Something about Fantine’s odd sort of innocence makes people think she feels superior to them. I was going to say I wonder if this is another way of Hugo insinuating her goodness, but I don’t think Fantine’s “goodness” is the same as Myriel or Valjean’s. Hugo called Fantine “wise,” and I think an aspect about her is that she’s wise on an emotional level, not on a social level. She understands the importance of emotional connection and devotion on a level we don’t see with the other grisettes or with the people of M-sur-M. She doesn’t seem to have any idea about the whisperings going on around her, she has no idea that her child has been discovered until she’s fired. And yet even when she hardens due to her suffering, she never loses the softness about Cosette. Her wisdom is about sacrifice, which is exactly the kind of wisdom that these nosey townspeople (and probably Favourite) lack.

I love Hugo’s condemnation of gossip and rubbernecking. It also makes me laugh because it’s so similar to the way that cops act. This feels like a condemnation of both gossips and cops. What’s the phrase? Kill the cop inside your head? Anyway, he sounds so frustrated and exasperated here. I haven’t read very much further into the Hugo bio, but I’m wondering if there was some rumor or scandal that he personally experienced that made him feel so strongly here.

Hugo’s really hammering home the beauty of Fantine’s hair and teeth here in preparation for two chapters ahead. Weirdly, this reminds me of the Bishop’s silver. Back in 1.1.6 we learn about Myriel’s silver, and it’s mentioned multiple times afterward. When he gives it up, he’s giving up the last thing that connects him to his past life and is put on the same level as any of the poor parishioners or citizens of Digne. When Fantine gives up her teeth and hair, she sacrifices the last two things that tie her not only to her old life in Paris, but to the possibility of success in society as a woman.

So from what I can tell, the Bernardines are a Catholic order also called “Cistercians.” Originally they tried to observe the Rule of St Benedict and focused mostly on manual labor, but later become more focused on intellectual and academic rigor. There was a semi-successful reform movement to go back to old ways in the 17th century. By the 19th century it seems it was mostly dissolved. The “Bernard” of Bernardine was Bernard of Clairvaux, a powerful French abbot who actually wrote up rules that allowed Templar knights to pass through all borders freely. He also encouraged the Second Crusade, though it failed. The Jacobins were anti-royalist republicans who encouraged dechristianization of the country. The Jacobins spoke on behalf of the people but many were bourgeoisie.

So Mme. Victurnien’s ex-monk husband went from being a monk of a fairly intellectual order who observed pretty strict Benedictine rules to joining the fairly atheistic, republican, radical Jacobins.

Madame Victurnien was strict and harsh because her husband was strict and harsh to her. Something I’ve noticed about the way Hugo writes about toxic/abusive/bad relationships between people is how children are affected versus adults. Victurnien and her dead husband, the Thenardier parents, even Gillenormand (with his spinster daughter) to some extent, are all horrible relationships where the treatment of each other means they both turn out pretty awful. However, the same treatment to children (Thenardier parents to their children and even more so to Cosette, Gillenormand to Marius) actually creates an opposite personality. Eponine and Gavroche are both pretty rough, but they’re also both fairly kind in certain ways, which their parents are definitely not. Marius is socially awkward but happy to help when he can. Cosette defies her childhood completely. It’s just an interesting observation that adults abused as adults become abusive themselves while children who were abused have the chance to end the cycle.

“She was a nettle bruised by a frock.” Does Hugo use “nettle” in this metaphor as a verb or a noun? Because to nettle someone is to annoy them, which works, as Victurnien seems to be an extremely annoying individual. But also we have nettles as prickly, stinging plants and as a metaphor from a few chapters ago for the way people become hurtful when neglected. Here we have Victurnien, this nettle bruised by a frock, hurt and damaged by this ex-monk, who becomes prickly and abusive herself. Perhaps with better treatment she would not have turned out this way; but she continues the cycle, beating down others and turning them into stinging nettles rather than them becoming useful.

Fantine is given her fifty francs upon her termination “on behalf of the mayor.” Madeleine is not even Madeleine at all in this chapter. He’s just “the mayor,” as Fantine had been just “the mother” back in 1.4.1. To her he’s this entity that has power over her, that even hates and persecutes her the way the townspeople are. She doesn’t see him, and neither do we; by this point he seems to have relegated factory admin jobs to others, who are then able to make the choice about who to dismiss and why. Again this presents a problem to his rules. People can make up any old rumor or reason to dismiss a person they don’t like or see as morally unfit, and because Valjean doesn’t seem to play as much a part in the running of the factory as before, there’s no way to dispute, except to go to him. And who’s going to go to him, if they feel the same shame that Fantine does?

Fantine is in limbo; she’s told to leave the city but she cannot because of debt. Hugo’s characters in limbo are usually on the edge of an emotional or ethical breakthrough, as with Valjean leaving Digne, Marius just outside the barricade, or Javert at the bridge. Fantine’s limbo doesn’t seem like the edge of a breakthrough, more like the edge of collapse. She really doesn’t have many avenues open to her anymore.

Also, what about sex workers who are more obvious? Later, we see Fantine walking the street in a ballgown. That’s very unsubtle. And, I don’t know, maybe it goes with her sort of social innocence that she would do something like that, but surely there are other desperate women who blatantly walk the streets like that. They haven’t been kicked out of the city. Surely they don’t--or can’t--hide their trade completely. It must be some sort of open secret. I understand that the reasoning for her being banished from M-sur-M is that Valjean has very strict rules, but it still seems so weird to me to set these rules up for some of the city but not all.

Fantine feels shame more than she feels despair. Which. Is a lot. It’s just awful that she has to feel ashamed for this thing that she would have kept hidden if the townspeople weren’t so awful. She has to feel ashamed for the one thing in her life that she truly actually loves and sacrifices for. Which is another parallel between her and Valjean. Fantine feels ashamed not because of her love of Cosette, but because of the “mistake” and stigma that Cosette’s existence implies. Valjean loves Cosette but he always feels a little bit ashamed, not at loving her, but because he feels she doesn’t deserve his love. Despite both of their shame regarding their love for Cosette, both Fantine and Valjean will sacrifice anything for her. It’s definitely a statement about the power of Love, but I think it’s also a good illustration of how both Valjean and Fantine seem to think of themselves as people meant to Suffer For The Good Of Another.

Fantine was “advised to see the mayor; she did not dare.” She believes this was his decision, and not some foreman’s. This is a failure on her part and on Valjean’s part as well. It’s a failure on Fantine’s part because had she gathered her courage and gone, she could have avoided everything that soon comes. But Fantine is so optimistic and sees through rose-tinted glasses, all the way until the moment everything collapses on her, and then she can’t go on. Her optimism doesn’t get her far enough to stand up again immediately; it has to rest first. But more than Fantine’s failing, this is Valjean’s. I assume he gets notified of who is hired and fired at his factory; does he not reach out when someone is dismissed to make sure they’re okay and to see if he can help? Even more of a failure is this rigid system he’s set up combined with his kind-but-mysterious air. He’s so nice and fair that the townspeople see these rules as kind and fair as well, when they’re very much not. But no one--including Fantine--is going to question it because they assume it’s set up in the spirit of kindness. Which I suppose it is, from Valjean’s point of view, but it’s misguided and twisted and ends up being far more damaging than it could ever be helpful.

[kousin-itt]

I Got Your Back - Part 2

Well I did get some attention. Also, I do have a sort-of-prequel to this story on Fanfiction called “An Owl of Gears,” though you don’t need to read that to understand this story.

Enjoy!

Part 2

Vinnie Dakota Time Traveler – Second Class Bureau of Time Travel

“Is that really what my hair looks like?” Dakota mused as he walked towards Block’s office. Sure, his curly mess of hair had grown in the last year, but he didn’t think it would look almost like an afro. Dakota shrugged and stuffed the badge into his jacket pocket. Even being promoted to Second Class didn’t seem like a big leap. Dakota already went through the trials and errors of being an agent-in-training. He previously felt the nervousness, excitement, and jittery glee at learning how to be a proper time traveler. Luckily, he had a great mentor. He would miss Morgan’s jokes, sarcastic nature, and constant need to punch him in the arm whenever he did something stupid.

Now, he had a new partner: Balthazar T. Cavendish.

What a man, that Cavendish. So immaculate in appearance. So proper and prim. So….utterly boring. Was it dumb luck or the universe just deciding to be cliché on purpose? Cavendish was Dakota’s polar opposite, a character foil. Sure, Dakota would enjoy poking fun at his new partner, seeing what buttons he could push to really tick off Cavendish. But Morgan was more than his mentor. She was Dakota’s closest friend in B.O.T.T., like an older sister to him. He wasn’t offended when she told him she wanted to do some solo missions. In fact, when they first met, she made it clear they were a temporary assignment so he could get a feel for the field. Dakota understood that, and the rookie tried to avoid getting close to his mentor.

Yeah, like that was going to happen.

Morgan, even with all her blunt turn-of-phrase and sarcastic sense of humor, treated Dakota with a sibling-like fondness. She taught him how to make use of his environment for any scenario. She instructed him on dozens of fighting styles with weapons ranging from ancient to futuristic. She pushed him and pushed him until he destroyed that voice in his head that doubted his ability to be a time traveler. She even shared his love for animals.

One of Dakota’s fondest memories with Morgan was when she took him back in time for a simple trip to the zoo. During a surge of conservation movements in the early twenty-second century, zoos were outlawed, and all animals deemed unfit for the wild were sent to reserves where they could live as freely as possible. But you can’t walk around or interact with animals on a reserve. Dakota appreciated the death penalties on poaching, the decline of demand for real furs, scales, and skins of critters in fashion, and the fact that more and more animals moved off the endangered species list every year. Still, throughout his childhood, he always wanted to pet a real otter instead of the toy he used to cuddle. Morgan made that dream a reality, and Dakota felt like a child again as he bottle-fed an otter pup in the twenty-first century zoo’s rehabilitation center. How could Dakota move on to a new partner when he already had a great one?

The day before he was to be introduced to Cavendish, Dakota shared one more intimate meal with Morgan, where they reminisced on their time together. Morgan even reassured Dakota about this transfer to a new partner.

“You’ll like him, Vinnie.” Morgan had said. “He’s a bit uptight. Very much a by-the-books kind of guy. But he’s stubborn and smart, and he knows his stuff. The two of you will make an excellent team.”

Had she not vouched for Cavendish, Dakota would have asked Block for a new partner by now. Still, they succeeded greatly so far. While Dakota crossed blades with a Roman vagabond, Cavendish (who knew better the ancient languages used in Alexandria) snuck into the library for the texts they were meant to save. Both Cavendish and Dakota managed to chase down a time juice thief on foot, and then engage in quick combat to bring the thief down. Saving Julius Cesar was one of Dakota’s favorites, though he could have done without the part where Cavendish was killed instead.

No. He wasn’t killed. I took care of that. Dakota reminded himself. It was a poison meant for Cesar. But even though they got rid of the cup of tainted wine, Dakota didn’t think that the entire bottle would be poisoned. He swiped it from the kitchen thinking he and Cavendish could toast to a great victory. Dakota did admit that he didn’t care for wine, but he figured Cavendish would appreciate the gesture.

Cavendish did indeed think it nice….until he took a drink and promptly choked on the poison.

After Dakota had freaked out a bit, cradling Cavendish’s body as he died, he did spend more time than he should have wondering what the heck he was supposed to do. His training said to simply bring his partner’s body back to B.O.T.T. and expect a new partner. Dakota didn’t do that. He burned Cavendish’s body so no one would find it. Then he hopped into his time vehicle and went back in time to prevent his partner’s death. Then there were two Dakota’s and one of them had to hide in the trunk of the time vehicle while the other Dakota helped Cavendish finish the mission and then the first Dakota had to hide until he and his future self could talk. They decided they did not regret saving Cavendish, and Past Dakota promised to stay in touch until he could find a nice, secluded place and time where he could hide out.

Dakota never told Cavendish what he did. Why would he? So the snitch could rat him out? Besides, it was a one-time thing.

“Hey Vinnie!”

Dakota caught sight of Morgan, and all thoughts on Cavendish dying left his mind. “Hey Morgan. Where you off to in that getup?”

Morgan huffed, fidgeting in her floor-length gown. She was dressed to the nines and looked miserable. She normally wore jeans, boots, a T-shirt, and a blazer, and always carried a small backpack that Dakota claimed to be magic since she could pull anything they needed from it (though Morgan always claimed she simply packed it well).

She answered Dakota’s question, “Some stupid upper-class party in the early twenty-first century. I guess I’m going to stop The Great Spider Threat of 2017. Weird. Anyway, I heard you’re going to be across town in the same time period: saving the rare Triton’s Amulet before it’s sold into the black market and destroyed.”

“Sweet!” Dakota punched the air.

“Go report to Block and get the details.” Morgan ordered. “And Vinnie?”

“Yeah?”

“Be friendly to your new partner. You two could be good friends if you let it happen.”

“Hey, I want it to happen. Maybe if Cavendish could loosen up, he could admit we’re friends now.” Dakota shrugged. “Heck, I haven’t used his first name since I met him.”

“He’ll get there.” Morgan assured. “Now run along.”

Dakota saluted to her and jogged off.

[jeffhane]

dynasty live watching: an incoherent post so that i’m not spoiling people on the twitter tl (i doubt any of this will be chronological or coherent enough to actually contain spoilers but better safe than sorry!)

oh my god the “previously on” - i forgot abt fallon and evan....

Theyre at a FUNERAL??? this was actually predicted but oh my god. if its steven i am going to be so mad. what an unfitting end to the- WAIT WHAT SIX MONTHS? what was that font;;;;:; whes sueiwjwk

copper arch🥵🥵🥵

this is cute. this is cute i like faloon pretty women so true

BYE I FORGOT ABT THIS VASE

fallon is genuinely such a bad person this is so bizarre,,,, i think she needs to calm down about oiterally everything ever

“This wedding is our chance to break the cycle of craziness” babe ur literally the one making the cycle of craziness

w. was that an ikmenn of liam getting his head off

JEFF MY BELOVED HE LOOKS STUNNING IN THAT OUTFIT. WHYS ALEXIS HERW “POWER COUPLE” YOU WERID MANIPULATIVE PERSON GET AWAY FROM HIM LOL

alexis is up to no good. bad bad jpeg. why do they write her dialogue like this

adam is acted so well lmao he’s the most unhinged person to ever exist *screams*

ohhh dominique, i don’t remember much abt her 😭😭😭 this woman she’s with is beautiful

ITS LAGGING????? i cannot Believe tjis

~rebrand~ ok girlboss!!!!!!!!! can we ship this businesswoman i dont recall her name with fallon???? id like that i think

too many plotlines have happened in too many minutes, i’m already forgettint things that have happened... isn’t blake supposed to be in prisoj? no? Ok: sure

adam is constantly doing this expression that is like 👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁 HI SAM HI SAM HI SAM BEAUTIFUL MAN I LOVE HIM WHOS THIS MAN

raf is so stunning ughhhh i’m loving the costumes this season, everyone looks great! is this man a sam love interest? nervous? that is kinda cute. i miss stevej though. sadness. so many emotions

UHHHH hi alexis sure ig ur here

~OMENS~ babe that’s a tad dramatic don’t you think?????????? “Ignore the lore at your own peril” alright

WHOS THAT? WHOS THAT? OH HER OK

bye everything is going wrong for this......:..:::... *rubs hands together evilly* that will certainly be entertaining

credit scene!!! such a beautiful cast! where’s anders, oh how i miss him... i miss monica too wasn’t she supposed to be BACK🤔🤔🤔🧐🧐🤨🤨

its a commercial break... havent had to watch the show with these for so long😑😑😑. getting american ads is so funny bc the vast majority of them are Not at all relevant... at all

BACK TO DYNASTY!!!!!! was that a slinky? huh? oh ok that’s why the marriage is happening at the manor. #whenyouonlyhaveoneset oh hi ok monica so shes not going to be here?????😑😔😳

WHY IS SHE GETTING A CAR I FEEL LIKE THATS FORESHAWDOIWIJG FOR UMMMMM.... NOT GOOD THINGS ..... ITS LAGGING AGAIN 🤨

blake having dinner... ok hi cristal,,,,; is the priest subplot back? that was a weird one

adam???? how on earth does adam work his way into everything? NEXT GUEST? HUH? are you cheating on your wife? HI CULHANE! HI!

“straight people are exhausting” i mean yes, objectively, absolutely, but culhane is #notstraight .... idk how i feel about sam and this man. also what? huh? staying here? ok cool ig

OHHHHH he got married i see i see

“Haven’t you milked the carrington cow already” but....... she is literally the person who deserves the stuff..... k......... i don’t like dominique but she was given the short end of the stick also blake stop manipulating people just bc they tell u the truth😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

frustrated that we haven’t seen fallon in any non-wedding related stuff yet i always liked her more ~dramatic~ plots . like she’s a sweetheart but i do want her to evolve beyond thsi. idk if that makes sense. ok bye

“A relative’s happy marriage” uh???? we live in a society😔📈

who is father lynch<3333 oh he is in the hospital that’s not great oh adam upset that’s new /s

y is kirby dressed like an elf. god bless.

ughhhh i just think adam is not good for kirby. he’s not good in general. so true . what is he up to. ads again hhhhhhhhhh💯

omg we are back!!!!! blake wear the suit!! hi liz!!! i’ve seen pictures of this outfit, it looks nice. “I really want things to work out with liam” now that would be great but you’re in a soap opera so the chances of that are .... I DONT EVEN ONOW IF U CAN WEATHER ANYTHING W CRISTAL...)))))!$$ NOT NECESSARILY THE BEET CHOICE????

~technically it wasn’t cancelled~ alright love i feel as though you’re not telling the full truth here. ok his name is ryan . we know that now . cool . this relationship is awkward but it could be sweet

what the Fuck is dominique talking about this is so creepy😭😭😭 please do not market lingerie to ur niece 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 why does no one in this show know how to be polite

“You want me to stake my personal assets” i’m sure this would be meaningful if i knew anything about finance????? WAIT WAIT WIAT WAIT WAIT DHE REHEARING THE SAM DONS G THE SONG ALEXIS DONT INTERRUPT HER SINGING THE SONG🧐😔😔😔🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🥰🥰🤬😤😤😤😤😤😤

~duplicitous sham~ that’s quite a juicy phrase ms fallon. alexis i dislike your marriage. and you in fact. yes x . “We were just like any other newlyweds” except the newlywed factor........:

anders. oh my god i adore him so much. he reminds me of my grandfather . YES adam is dangerous. anders i love you so much. be my grandfather figure. top 10 cool old dudes of all time.

liz is so beautiful how am i suppised to “Focus” on the “storyline” kirby just went 🥰🥰 also hi culhane ily babe

“My father’s convinced adam is pure evil” you see, that is......... trueeeee...........:.::: im sorry culhane ily love

this dialogue unfortunately does not flow all that well LOL . people dont think up things like this on the fly “my love is like that boutineer” sir i guarantee that metaphors r not going to save ur relationship... HI sam. so true. hi ily. samhane? culsam? 😳😳

DONT STEAL ANDERS SPOT OH HI JEFF YOU LOOK STUNNING.......... BEAUTIFUL BOY ....... HI!!!! ~you are the only family you’ve ever needed~ shit none of this wouldve happened if the Carringtons werent so greedy ij the first place

~true love has many faces~ how many anti liam omens can they sneak in into the episode 😭😭😭😭 hi laura whats up

the poor waiters at this establishment...... why does laura look like a rlly young version of my grandma........: huh.... wont think abt it /... alexis bad mom.jpeg

“I don’t want to miss my sons special day” ok bye i don’t #care she’s kind of rude

fallon trying to avoid future drama is confusing to me as that used to be her ENTIRE THING? HUH??? everyones talking to their moms today what the heck do that many people talk to their moms???

jeff hiiiii <333 that maroon suit!!!!! love!!!!!

Dont hurt anders you strange little evil man!!!!!!!!!!! (Adam, for reference)

fallon likes to ~e n u n c i a t e~ her dialogue. Drama Teachers Love Her

FIRBY SCENE! WELL THEY R TALKINF! UWU ! UWU ! smiles:) smiiiiiles:) the height difference i cannot do this😑😊😊😊🕯🕯🕯 BYE

BueirHWIIDWJDIWIFJWIFJWJJFWJFJWJDJWJDJWIFJWJFJWJDKWJDJWDJJWHDWHDHWHEHWHDHWJDJWJRJWJEJWJDJQUEUWJEJWJEJW CRIES SOBS SCREAMS THIS OS SO FUCKING FUNNY

Kirby you dumbass😭😭😭😭😭 ALEXIS WUDIWNDJW JEFF CAN YOU NOT HEF FCANKREMTIWN WHY IS THIS DIALOGUE IM SCREAMIGNRJFJD

kirby babe you are the kist imorjri WHQT? HUH? when all the characters have the maturity of a 13 yr old <33333 DID THE SHOW JUST END?????? OK.... DAMN.... they were really 2 minutes away from the end and remembered that things are supposed to happen in tv show episodes.... i cannot tell whether it os over actually?????? huh??? going to keep watching because it would be so embarrassing if i missed a few minutes oh yeah theres more

IM SORRY WHYBARE THESE PEOPLE SO STUPID. every single one of them. ih my god l. ohhhh my god . “I never meant to hurt you” you cheated on him. both of them are bad people. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 kirby darling what were you thinking . this dress on kirby is STUNNING ugh, she’s so charming . adam Shut the fuck up. He hasn’t said anything but shut the fuck up. OH MY GOD ADAM SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH MY GOD I HATE ADAM SO MUXH. OH MY GOD HOW IS HE THE WORST PERSON TO EVER LIVE 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶 HES SO EVIL

“I didn’t want to tell you because i didnt want you to think of me as a monster” why did you do that stuff then bro . Kirby you SHOULDNT trust someone after they say that? How naive? Huh ?

omg hello jeffs grandma!!!!! she deserves better than every shitshow in this family... god🤨 dominique being a good person? i like to see that. she seems so genuine. ok this is nice . wait... SAFE? 😳😳😳😳 💴 💵 #money i miss monica

why do they never have sufficient lifhting in WAIT..... HER?????? #dumbofass HI JEFF <33333333 HI you can scam and whatever ur allowed to i support u

ooohhhh GORGEOUS fallon outfit

“Such a fail” IS THIS 2012 . CRINE HEIDJWJFIWNDWJDNWKFJW ENJDJSDJWJNDJWJD they keep saying folklore and im thinking its some sort of reference to the album and i get confused. wheres scheming fallon. need scheming fallon. do a scheme. do it

“We are that lucky couple” press x to doubt .... wait who is this🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 this seems cincerning im cocnentwd why did it zoom in on this random man

[downinmybeastheart]

Candle Cove Headcanons cause this is a fandom blog now I guess

Concerning the show itself

A majority of the characters are cheaply made puppets. However, some one-shot characters are portrayed by real people. One might even be animated or claymation. Janice is the only recurring human character though.

The humor is mostly slapstick and silly shenanigans. Of course, there is the occasional dirty joke that goes over children’s heads, but it’s mostly just weird situations, quirky remarks, and humorous injuries.

One thing to note is that that while it’s usually comical, the slapstick becomes more sad when directed at Janice. She often looks somewhat distressed or sad whenever something bad happens to her whether the even is getting slapped by a fish’s tail, falling into mud, or even being hit by a falling coconut.

The show comes off as unsettling and even sometimes nightmarish, and (probably) unintentionally so. The show has an off putting aura, but the actual creepiness varies from episode to episode. Some are just kind of off, some reach Courage or Flapjack levels of scary, and a select few even seem unfit for TV, being absolutely horrific.

To be specific, Candle Cove had some violence in the form of sword fighting and pirate combat. For the most part it was fairly tame, but some deaths were shown both off and onscreen, and Skin Taker was responsible for a handful of them.

There were also references to more historically accurate pirate things, like hard tack, scurvy, keelhauling, and other concepts that children would probably not want to see. Skin-Taker and Horace in particular both mentioned many escapades, possible fates that could happen pirates, and pretty much any maritime thing you wouldn’t want your kid seeing (especially Skin-Taker though).

Many episodes have subliminal messages and/or propaganda of sorts. Typical Local58 sort of things, assuming the “channel 58” it aired on is the same as the one in the web series. It was very subtle though.

The messages were often incorporated into dialogue or plot points. One of the ending credits showed Skin Taker sitting on the beach, looking up at a full moon. Some episodes have strange motifs and undertones related to sleeps, dreams, loyalty and trust. Some episodes have one character contemplate risking their life for the well-being of their friends or whoever they are loyal to.

Other times, the events would cut away to disturbing imagery and repeated phrases.

Janice

A fairly cheerful kid, not afraid to get dirty. Fairly courageous. However she can be sensitive because she is very kind and empathetic.

Fairly young. Between 7-10 years of age.

Mixed feelings on Horace (depends on episode) but absolutely terrified of the Skin-Taker.

Sees Percy and Laughingstock as family. She befriends many of the people she meets.

Throughout the series, there are times where she seems uncharacteristically frightened. Perhaps she is somehow spooked by something, or perhaps her actress is actually distressed.

Her actress was fairly decent, besides some moments.

Pirate Percy

Nervous, but not really soft. Somewhat shut off from others.

Very protective of Janice and the Laughingstock, as well as his other allies.

A running gag is that he will be startled, usually by an antagonist, and will freak out and turn to face them, resulting in the person who startled him being struck in an amusing fashion. Janice is never on the receiving end of this, but it’s happened to both Skin-Taker and Horace numerous times.

His voice is wimpy and shaky, but has a somewhat patronizing sort of quality. Like the man from that Pac-Man on crack video. It can be assumed whoever provided the voice either wasn’t putting in effort or just couldn’t act.

There is a small crack in his face, since his head is that of an old doll’s.

Usually, the crew is only him and Janice, though other characters come and go. They have many allies, some are pirates while some aren’t.

Lots of phobias. Scared of heights, sharks, the dark, failure, abandonment, the Skin-Taker, many bugs and spiders, the inevitability of death, the possibility of oblivion, figs, rats, jellyfish. Lots of other things too.

[hazinhoodies]

Mal En Point (part xiv)

Koh!Harrison x Angel!Reader

A/N: hello its been a while but heres part fourteen. theres a lot of spots with just dialogue and im really sorry for that. also i’m thinking of abandoning this story. i feel like no one, myself included, is really excited for it and other reasons but i dont want to bore you. moodboard made by @wazzupmrstark and im so thankful for her

I suggest reading part 13 again to understand whats going on

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: uh insecurity and swearing

“So…” You dragged out the single syllable, getting King Harrison’s attention, “What’s with the kid?” You asked hesitantly. You’d wanted to ask earlier but not while Isaac was there and then you were too nervous to ask the King anything. Sometimes you just have to speak up though, so you did.

“Isaac?” He asks, turning his head around to look at you while you follow him back to the throne room from the main door, Isaac had just left and King Harrison had made sure he’d made it all the way out the gate of the yard before closing the door to the castle, “He’s just a kid. Nine realm years old. Big family and he’s the oldest so he kinda got pushed aside I suppose so I try to help out as much as I can”

You nodded along, you got a general idea but being an only child, you couldn’t quite understand. Couldn’t place yourself into his shoes.

“He’s a good kid, really” King Harrison continued, “His family was doing pretty bad before. They couldn’t afford food and Tom caught him on the grounds trying to take some food just after I’d become King” Harrison’s voice dries on the mention of his title, he hopes you don’t notice, “It was actually his idea to help them out”

So he wasn’t always an asshole. It was a question you wanted to pose out loud but you knew the answer that you’d get. King Harrison had already told you that he wasn’t but you hadn’t really believed him about it. You still weren’t sure if you did now. However, you had to admit that you felt infinitely more comfortable around the King than you had before. He always kept a safe distance away from you with his hands clasped either behind or in front of him. It made you feel comfortable despite how badly you wanted him to press his lips against your skin until it turns red and purple.

There’s an awkward moment of silence between the two of you before you pipe up with a curious question.

“How did Hell even come to be?” You ask, staring at a space on the black brick wall in front of you. You hear King Harrison chuckle from beside you, a smirk on his face. God you wanted it against your lips. “They don’t teach us in Heaven”

“Well, what do they teach you up there, angel?” For the first time, you feel like the term is not used in a derogatory way. It isn’t meant to mock or belittle you for what you are, were. The King used the term as an endearment, spoken softly, sweetly, under a laugh. Or maybe you’re reading into it.

“They tell us about Lucifer. That he craved power and fell, thus creating Hell. Anyone that was turned away at the gates to Heaven instantly went to Hell” Of course they told you this via much longer and much more boring lectures than what you just said to the King. They wanted to scare you in Heaven. If you feared what happened after falling, you’d be forced into obedience”

“But you never feared it, did you?”

“Not enough to stop me”

“So you’ve been planning your falling for a while now?” King Harrison furrows his brows together.

“Can you just answer the initial question?” You watch as King Harrison’s expression shifts into shock. You instantly go to backtrack, muttering out an apology for your outburst but the King started to laugh. You can’t shrink away no matter how much you try.

“Yes sorry about that” He lets himself calm down before starting but even still he could hardly wipe the smile off his face. It returned any time that he looked at you. You wondered why it made your stomach bubble with nerves.

“Hell always existed” He started. ”It wasn’t born from fallen angels who had defied God or the patriarchs. At first, the King and his family were the only ones that existed. But as angels fell they established a life here. Some were deemed unfit to survive here and were uh killed- you don’t have to worry about that though, it would have happened by now if someone was going to kill you-” There was an odd comfort to that sentence. Good that you weren’t going to be murdered but the way he phrased it irked you, “but as Hell gained more demons, the King grew more powerful. As the King grew more powerful, Hell grew. Both in population and size. It became an endless plane”

“So in theory, you should be the most powerful King”

“In theory, yes”

“But you’re not?”

“Wha- how do you know that?” King Harrison stutters out, instantly going to defend himself and his bloodline.

“You responded with ‘in theory’ not something like ‘I am’”

“That doesn’t mean that I’m not, that just means that I answered the question weird” You couldn’t help but notice how his word choice had changed. Harrison would be lying if he said that he wasn’t panicking even a little. Even though he had no reason to be, it was in his nature. His father taught him to never let anyone see you weak. Harrison had already made some exceptions to that and he didn’t want another. His father would be ashamed.

“So are you?”

“Yes. I am for a matter of fact” You cocked your head and looked at him curiously and it’s like he could hear the really? in his head. Fuck what his father taught him. “Okay. Fine. I’m not. I should be but I’m just… not. And I don’t know why”

You thought this would come as a shock to you but for some reason, it doesn’t. You can’t pinpoint why you feel as though you knew this. Like it was always there

“I’m getting better though” King Harrison interrupts your thoughts. His voice is filled with child-like glee, like when a kid shows their mom or dad a picture they drew or something new that they learned how to do. For the first time it occurs to you, even though the King of Hell is technically a full-grown adult, he’s still just a kid. A kid who was put in this position of power way sooner than anyone in Hell was prepared for. And they’re all still trying to cope. The population, Tom, and King Harrison included.

“Ever since Iezebel…” He trails off “I’ve uh. I’ve been getting stronger” Your heart melts at the proud smile he bears at his statement. he’s proud of himself and for that, you’re proud of him too.

“Do you miss her?” You blurt out the question but don’t take it back. You have a feeling King Harrison won’t mind your curiosity.

“Can I be entirely honest?” You nod and king Harrison’s gaze falls to the floor, “Not really. Not as much as I thought I would. I don’t miss her as my wife. I miss her as someone that I spent so much time with. If that makes any sense at all” He looks back up at you, met with an expression that he can’t quite decipher. But he knows it’s not negative. He knows that the smile flickering across your lips calms him down and that if given the chance you could probably read him better than anyone else ever could.

“I um, I should get going but I could show you back to your room.” King Harrison offers his arm for you to take but you don’t. It makes him a little sad, leaving a small sting inside his chest but he didn’t let it show. He hopes it didn’t

“I appreciate the offer, your highness, I think I can find my way back. I don’t want to waste your time”

“It’s not a waste of time, please I insist” When he sees the hesitance in your expression he continues; “It’s not too far. The same direction I’d be walking anyways” That was a lie, but he wanted to get a couple more minutes with you, even if there was no conversation.

Silently, you take his still extending arm, wrapping your arm loosely around it so your hand rest on his bicep. You walk in a comfortable silence towards your room. If you had been on your own you would’ve gotten majorly lost.

King Harrison stops walking and you stop with him in front of a door, you release his arm and he steps to face you.

“Thank you, your-”

“Please don’t call me your highness, or your majesty. Just call me Harrison.” He cuts you off.

“Well,” You start again, who are you to deny that request? The formalities made you slightly uncomfortable anyways. “Thank you, Harrison. You’re very kind”

“Have dinner with me,” Harrison blurts. “Tomorrow night. It can be just us. Or not if you’d prefer. I could get Harry or anyone that you’re comfortable with to join us really. I don’t want-”

“I’d love to” You cut him off to stop his rambling and the smile that breaks across his features is one of relief. It makes a smile find it way to your own lips, this one of joy. God he’s beautiful when he smiles. “You’ll have to find me and let me know when though. I don’t really have a grasp on how to know what time it is here yet,” You laugh at yourself in embarassment, though it's only mild.

“Tomorrow night it is then” He nods to confirm and the two of you stand there momentarily, you admiring him and him, you.

“Thank you again, Harrison,” You pipe up, “For helping me get back to my room”

‘You’re welcome, Y/N” He smiles and you can’t help but smile back as you go to open the door. “Have a lovely night” He places a small kiss on your cheek, making you blush and the smile on your face and Harrison’s grow. You entered your room and shut the door behind you before you were able to see how Harrison’s cheeks heated up as well.

—-

Harrison was supposed to be asleep long ago. He meant to. Dom told him frequently that every good King needs a good nights sleep. Harrison’s father would’ve told him the same, but his mother wouldn’t have. His mother would’ve reminded him that sleep is important for reasons other than being King. She would have told him that if he was tired he’d be irritable and that any decision made in anger, even a small one, is never sound. He can remember her singing him to sleep as a child. A comforting hand running along his arm and shoulder, or fingers pressing into the skin around his wings to soothe the growing pains as soft melodies in varying languages filled his ears. Harrison replays the memories in his head in hopes of falling back asleep but to no such luck. He decided to head down to the kitchen, get something warm and calming to drink. Maybe it’ll help get everything off his mind.

As Harrison heads down the multiple floors towards the kitchen, he passes some of his staff who ask him if he’s okay or if they can help him. He brushes them all off with something along the lines of I’m alright and then thanking them. He was always sure to thank them.

Upon arriving in the kitchen Harrison found it entirely empty. He breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want to deal with more people than he had to. There were no lights in the room so he tried his hand at illuminating some of the candles on his own. Much to his delight, the first two on the small island countertop flickered alive. The kitchen staff had started putting candles on the counters since he was young when they’d find him in the kitchen alone or with Tom in the pitch black. They didn’t bother asking questions, just put the candles in a spot they could reach and a matchbox since they were only kids, Tom could light them as he got older but Harrison hadn’t been able to until recently.

Harrison sat on the countertop watching colour leak out of the tea bag and sugar crystals dissolve in the hot water in his mug. If only dad could see you now he thought, chuckling at what his father would think.

Why are you slouching? That’s no kingly posture. There are bigger issues to tend to. Your girl problems are not important right now. She’s an angel, she shouldn’t even be here.

Harrison scoffs as he brings his tea up to his lips and takes a small sip, ignoring the way it burns its way down his tongue and throat. His eyes lift to the figure in the doorway.

Certainly not dressed as if he had just rolled out of bed, Tom steps into the kitchen precariously. Keeping an eye on Harrison as if he was some sort of threat, he stands on the other side of the island. Tom puts his hands on the edge and leans forward, finally breaking his gaze away from Harrison.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Tom asks, looking back up at Harrison who looks like a child who got caught raiding the fridge, eyes widened slightly and mouth pouted. The expression breaks into something more neutral that Tom was used to from Harrison.

“Uh yeah. Too much going on.” Harrison nods as he speaks, “What about you?”

“Found out that Lucius hasn’t come back from Earth yet. I was going to tell you tomorrow morning but I suppose nows as good a time as ever” Tom shakes his head, mostly at himself. It’s his fault and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t ridden with guilt. Harrison can tell. He could always tell when something bothered Tom.

Usually, with smaller issues, Tom can make a decision and let Harrison know about what he did. After all, that's pretty much the whole point of there being a right hand, a second in command of sorts. That’s what happened this time. There was an issue on Earth, angels meddling in human relations that weren’t their place. Tom decided to send Lucius to put a stop to it and told Harrison about it after Lucius had already left. Harrison told him that it was a dumb decision, that he shouldn’t have sent someone so young on their own. Tom should’ve sent someone older or sent Lucius with another demon. But the deed had already been done, it couldn’t be taken back from then. Now Tom knows that Harrison was right and it only makes his guilt worse. Harrison could read him. Instead of telling him I told you so he consoled.

“Even in the middle of the night, you don't stop working do you?" Harrison chortles, his attempting to lighten the mood falling flat when Tom doesn't look at him, instead just running a hand through his hair, messing it up and causing some curls to pop out of place. "We’d know if he was dead. Or at least I would” Harrison let his hands rest in his lap, still gripping the mug.

“I know. But what if they know that, Haz? What if that’s why he’s not dead yet? This wouldn’t be the first time that angels have done something horrible to our kind. I just” Tom sigh and shakes his head.

Wordlessly, Harrison places his mug next to him, hops off the countertop, reaches into the cupboard above him and grabs a mug similar to his own, filling it with water. He heats it in his hand while he rummages through the drawer for the tea that he knew was Tom's favourite before placing the tea bag into the mug and handing it off to Tom.

Tom accepts it with a smile and a quiet, “Thanks,” and adding sugar and milk. No matter how much the two of them fought and argued, they were still best friends. Still knew each other better than anyone else did. Harrison just wished Tom would stop challenging him on every decision. Tom wished that Harrison would stop making what he’d consider stupid decisions. Maybe he only saw them as stupid because they weren’t what he’d decide.

But he wasn’t King. Never would be.

“I’ll figure out where he is tomorrow,” Harrison says as he leans against the countertop, grabbing his mug from behind him. “I’ll go find him when I know where he is.”

“Haz, you can’t,” Tom says the words like they’re the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. Harrison looks at him with furrowed brows. “We need a King down here, besides it’s my fault. I should be the one to go get him”

“Tom it’s alright-”

“No, Harrison I’m not letting you go.” Tom shakes his head, “That’s final”

“Yessir” Harrison laughs, bringing his mug to his lips. Tom laughs too.

“Do you remember when we used to sneak down here as kids?” Tom says after a minute of silence.

“And used to take all the good snacks out of the fridge and cupboards?” Harrison replies.

“Yeah. Our fathers weren’t too happy about that were they?” Tom and Harrison both let out a chuckle.

“I don’t think anyone was too happy about that. Not much anyone but our dads could do though”

“Oh yeah you just pull out the prince card and everyone shut right up every time”

“Me? You could talk your way out of anything. I only pulled out the prince card on Lillian. She was the one person who wasn’t convinced” the kitchen is filled with laughter. In a way that it hadn’t been since the pair was young. They had climbed up the counters in an attempt to get the snacks that their mums had brought back from earth. But the staff had walked in for a final nightly check, only to catch the boys on the counter grasping for the bright green box which was just that little bit too far back.

“Oh, whatever. Same thing” Tom rolls his eyes as the laughter in the room dies down, both of the boys left with childish grins on their faces, now empty mugs in their grasp.

“You should get to sleep. Before you do anything stupid” Harrison says as he washes and rinses his mug, setting it out to dry. He turns back around to see Tom looking at him in offence. “Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m right. you’re not even changed yet. You’ve got stuff to do tomorrow and you need to be on top of things. And any decision made-”

“Any decision made in anger is never sound.” Tom cuts Harrison off, “She told me it too. You have as well. You’re not the only one who misses her. G’night, Haz.” Tom turns around and leaves, leaving his mug on the countertop and the room silent and tense.

tags:

mep: @tonystark-mcu @thirsty-hoes-central @deleteidentity @buckystolemyheart @youngandfleeting @peterbrokenparker @babyplutoszx2 @crazyfreaker @writing-in-winter @awesomeaugustina @agirlwithpointlessideas

Haz: @definitely-not-black-cat @hjosterfield @imagines-andshizz @thequeensardine @artemisiaarm @sincerelymlg @butithasntkilledyouyet @bitchymathematician @ixchel-9275 @honeyyhuggs @nedthegay @ohyouremymedicine @awkwardfangirl2014 @parkerpeterholland @screeching-student-unknown @musicalburrage @itsrecklesscalum @jjasalem @little-miss-rebel3 @practicallylivesonline @phia-eilice @osterfieldholland01 @happymagicbee @headsup-itsmostlypeter @starlightfound @spideyyypeter @empressdreams @isabellyduh

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 198 “Otonoshin’s Tricycle”

The new chapter is out and so let’s dig into the second part of Koito’s past.

To be a relatively new character (he was introduced in vol 10) Koito is getting quite a long flashback space considering characters like Tanigaki or Tsukishima only had a two chapters flashback... but I think this is because this flashback isn’t just about him and his motivations but it’s working as a setting for future developments.

Anyway we resume where we left, with Koito staring at his brother’s grave… filled with dark thoughts like that he’s the failure of the Koito family and can’t become his brother’s replacement…

...while Tsurumi wants to take advantage of the moment he has carefully created to push him to open his heart to him so as to gain more of his trust.

Really, Tsurumi is amazing as a manipulator… telling young Koito it would be better if he were to let out what he’s holding in he sounds so nice and caring…

Koito though, resists a bit, admitting he said too much to someone he just met… which was wise. Too bad he’s up against Tsurumi (was Tsurumi smiling when Koito refused to speak up further? I’m not really sure due to the ballons hiding part of his face... but can it be things are going EXACTLY as he predicted and even Koito’s resistance was part of the plan? Considering the editor’s words ‘I know the words you want to hear’ I’ll say he too thinks so)… who hurries to point out Koito shouldn’t feel obliged to replace his brother in his father’s eyes.

Have I already mentioned how Tsurumi amazes me?

Even though Koito refused to open up, Tsurumi’s answer is the perfect answer to Koito’s inner monologue. Koito WAS feeling like an unfitting replacement for his brother and Tsurumi told him he didn’t have to be one.

True, Tsurumi lead him to this point but it’s still amazing how he has done it.

Koito’s reaction is one of surprise as it’s very likely no one ever told him this or understood how he felt.

Probably they all expected him to replace his brother and, at the same time, criticized him because he wasn’t up on the task.

In short he was at the same time pressured into replacing his brother and yet not trusted to be capable to do so, as if following in his brother’s footsteps was merely a fool’s errand if handed to him.

It should have felt quite sad and depressing.

Or maybe the poor boy never realized it wasn’t his duty to preplace his brother. It’s still rather sad.

And finally we can see what’s written on his brother’s grave.

Tsurumi reads it for us. Koito’s brother was the navy ensign Koito Heinojou (鯉登 平之丞), who died in Meiji 27 or, if you prefer in 1894, Sept. 17th, which is the date of the battle of Yalu River, a naval battle in the Sino-Japanese war.

Attentive readers might notice the first kanji in his name is also the first kanji in his father’s name, Koito Heiji (鯉登平二), which hints at how Heinojou, being the firstborn, was meant to take his father’s place and continue his line.

According to Sei Kobiyama Heinojou means “the heir of Heiji 平二 and descendant of Samurai” as Nojou was a job title name for Samurai.

Koito, naïve child that he is, at this decides to open his heart to Tsurumi… which really, isn’t a bright idea. But well, very few people can resist Tsurumi’s manipulation abilities, especially when the man was probably being the only one offering to a young teenager boy some sort of understanding.

So Koito tells Tsurumi (and to us), he and his brother were 13 years apart and that he was 8 years old when his brother died… which confirms I did the math correctly and this is taking place in 1900.

It also makes Koito’s brother 21 when he died. Now, if I also did the math right in regard to Koito’s age, currently he should be the same age his brother had when he died. Symbolic and meaningful.

I’m really curious to see Koito’s reaction at the situation he was when we left him before the flashback started. Believing he was going to be praised for his ‘success’ and seeing he’s about to lose everything, feeling his life threatened again by someone who speaks Russian… how our boy is going to react?

I want to know.

Back to Koito’s brother’s story, the guy was on the “Matsushima” during the Battle of the Yalu River. For who has never heard about it, the Matsushima was the flagship of Admiral Itō Sukeyuki, the first Commander-in-Chief of the Japanese Combined Fleet.

Also, in case you don’t know already, a flagship is a vessel used by the commanding officer of a group of naval ships, characteristically a flag officer entitled by custom to fly a distinguishing flag.

Too bad during the Battle of the Yalu River the Matsushima lost 57 men (including three officers) and had 54 wounded (including four officers) in the battle – more than half of the Japanese casualties during the entire battle. And yes, Koito’s brother was one of them and Koito senior had to watch, from an adjacent ship (the “Hashidate” maybe? It’s the ship on which Admiral Itō was forced to transfer his flag), as the “Matsushima” took the huge damage that killed his son.

It was likely quite terrible to watch this, to be only able to watch as your son’s ship is damaged so seriously, knowing this can mean he’ll die too… which is exactly what will happen.

I find interesting how what are likely stress lines under Koito senior’s eyes can seem tear on a close up examination.

The man is likely not crying, at least not openly, but the visual suggests he is crying internally.

Tsurumi likely knows this story well, as he was in the Sino-Japanese war, though he belonged to the Army and not to the Navy (and this was a pretty well known story even for who wasn’t in the war)… though Koito can’t know this little info about the ‘kind’ stranger he’s talking with.

Anyway we see Koito senior standing on the deck of his ship and watching. We might think he’s being impassible, he’s watching still after all, although not with the binoculars, as if afraid to check the situation for himself. Also we can’t see his eyebrows hidden by his hat but I find interesting how the line below his eyes seem to resemble tears, the hat partially shadowing his face and his mouth apparently slightly opened.

Koito senior is keeping still but he’s likely a lot less impassible than he looks like.

Proof is the experience was likely traumatic to him as, when he came home, Koito noticed his father had changed, now never scolding him nor smiling to him.

Koito senior likely closed up on himself, causing his younger son, who was also trying to cope with the trauma of losing his brother as well as having people’s expectations suddenly tossed on him, feeling ignored and neglected in his time of need.

Koito is tormenting himself on his father’s behalf, trying to picture in his mind the horrific scene his father saw and of whom his classmates at the Naval Officer Academy chat, likely with a mix of horror and fascination, without a care for how Koito might feel at hearing them saying people his brother might have ended up carbonized or splattered on the deck.

It’s rather terrible as for them it’s likely just an interesting gossip while for Koito is his personal tragedy. They don’t mean ill yet it was probably as if they were pouring salt on Koito’s emotional wounds.

It’s a situation very different from bullying yet equally painful.

It gets so bad for Koito he can’t stay on a boat for too long or he ends up thinking about his brother’s death and gets terribly seasick… which is also something that shouldn’t happen to someone who’s going to a navy school and his expected to follow his father’s footsteps.

Young Koito too was traumatized by the loss of his brother, even if he hadn’t witnessed it. Maybe for him it’s even worse as his fantasy likely comes up with even worse images.

Still it’s interesting how Koito’s eyes darken, becoming the visual clue of how ashamed he is of the fact since he can’t stay on a boat for longer than a day, he can't become a good naval officer.

It’s interesting how, according to 海壁 marmuro, in Japanese he uses a phrasing similar to when Ogata said "I had a feeling I wouldn’t be able to pull this off. I guess things just don’t work out how I want".

Koito and Ogata have similarities in weird, twisted ways, among which the fact they both had a brother who they believed had what they were missing.

As they leave Koito comments his brother might end up feeling lonely as they’ll have to move to Hakodate due to his father’s work… which is likely why Tsurumi got his eyes on young Koito. Since his father now would work close to him and could be an useful usable commodity, Tsurumi was studying how to proceed manipulating Koito senior through Koito junior.

Really this man is so clever and capable to plan in advantage it’s scary.

Anyway Tsurumi comments on how he thinks Koito will like the place and proceed to describe it.

Koito asks him if he knows the place and really Koito, you should study more Japanese geography as Tsurumi points out how Tsukisappu (the place that made those anpan) is in Hokkaido as well… so yes, Tsurumi knows it. Of course he does, I bet he even went to check the place.

Once they’re back where they started Tsurumi thanks Koito for the lift and says they should meet again. Koito doesn’t seem to believe it will happen but, at least he’s smiling. It’s not exactly a happy smile but a smile none less.

In a way it’s the saddest part. Tsurumi was right, talking about things likely helped Koito a lot… but this will likely end up being used against Koito in the future as this will make him an easier target for Tsurumi’s future manipulation.

In fact Tsurumi uses even Koito’s doubtful attitude in his favour by declaring if they then were to meet again by chance, Koito would have to become his friend because then their meeting would have been decided by fate.

Basically, he’s subtly sealing young Koito’s fate. I bet those words will also play a part in Koito’s future ‘friendship’ decisions.

Time skip.

We jump to two years in the future, In Hakodate. Koito is now 16 and still riding that vehicle (please notice how Noda decided to depict him in the same way as he did when Koito was 14, only a little bigger and with clothes slightly different),

...people still commenting behind his back he’s a ‘bonbon’ or a 'pampered little brat’ if you prefer, that he’s problem child at the Naval Academy cram school and expecting him to  fail at the Naval Academy entrance exams.

Long story short Koito hadn’t really got better from how he was when he met Tsurumi. Actually he might have possible gotten worse, both in the pressure he had to sustain and in character, in fact this time he complains loudly when a horse places itself in front of his vehicle, not realizing a carriage a stopped next to him.

The next Koito knows is 2 men had gotten off the carriage, one had wrapped a cloth around his face and, likely, he ended up forced into the carriage and kidnapped.

Fundamentally we see only 3 kidnappers, horse guy, wearing what looks like a flat cap or a newsboy cap (not too sure about it),

the guy in the carriage, wearing a white fedora hat

and the guy who covers Koito’s face wearing a black bowler hat.

This guy might or might not be also the carriage driver.

Hard to say.

We see people wondering what had happened then, next, we see Koito’s vehicle now under the rain and next to a gate. This is clearly not the place in which Koito was kidnapped, so the vehicle was moved.

I wonder... does the fact it rained in that particular moment have some relevance in the future? After all it wasn't raining when Koito was kidnapped nor after it. It's just when they show Koito's vehicle near the gate. Ah, it's hard to say.

The narration tells us it’s 4 days later, still in Hakodate, in what is the Koito Residence (which in real life was Saigo Judo’s European-styled and themed house if you’re interested in seeing it in real life and of which @osomanga posted some photos).

And now let’s meet who’s inside Koito’s house.

The first to show up is Koito’s mom, whose name we learn is Yuki (ユキ), who shares with Koito his characteristic eyebrows (and who’s really pale in case you had forgotten what was said in the past chapter).

Yes, her name is in katakana. I’ve researched a bit on the topic and it turned out in Meiji it was pretty popular to call girls with names all written in katakana because that, along with the kanji alphabet, what the alphabet for official documents.

The trick though is that katakana was used for girls because poor people who didn’t know kanji would still hire someone to tell them good kanji to use for their male sons but won’t judge girls names worth the same care so they would just get a name in katakana.

But… well, this was for people who didn’t know kanji. So… does this mean Koito’s mom comes from a commoner family? I would have expected her to be upper class and therefore come from a family who would know kanji (after all Umeko, O-Gin, Chiyoko and even Asirpa have names written in kanji… the only exception being Fumie, Tanigaki’s sister who, however wasn’t rich and Tome of whom we know absolutely nothing and who could have been foreigner or Ainu or imaginary for all we know…) so… no idea.

Anyway Koito’s mom is clearly nervous and worried as she asks info aboutthe Army officer who was asked to take part to her son’s research.

The one who answers to her fears is the naval captain Nakayama (中山海軍大尉 ‘Nakayama Kaigundaii’).

To give you a general idea of how high the guy is ranked the navy goes (from the lowest officer rank to the highest):

OF-1 海軍少尉 Kaigun-shōi (Ensign) [Koito Heinojou] & 海軍中尉 Kaigun-chūi (Sub-lieutenant/Lieutenant junior grade)

OF-2 海軍大尉 Kaigun-daii (Lieutenant) [Nakayama]

OF-3 海軍少佐 Kaigun-shōsa (Lieutenant-commander)

OF-4 海軍中佐 Kaigun-chūsa (Commander)

OF-5 海軍大佐 Kaigun-daisa (Captain)

OF-7 海軍少将 Kaigun-shōshō (Rear-admiral) [Koito Heiji]

OF-8 海軍中将 Kaigun-chūjō (Vice-admiral)

OF-9 海軍大将 Kaigun-taishō (Admiral)

OF-10 元帥、海軍大将 Gensui-kaigun-taishō (Grand admiral)

大元帥　Dai-gensui (Lord high admiral) = The emperor of Japan

Nakayama is an OF-2 大尉 daii (Lieutenant), Koito’s brother Koito Heinojou was an OF-1 少尉 shōi (Ensign). Koito Heiji is an OF-7 少将 shōshō (Rear-admiral) in Vol 13, though in this chapter they referred to him as OF-4  中佐 chūsa (Commander)… but I think they aren’t really talking about his rank, they’re probably merely referring to him as the commander of the base. Otherwise it would be impressive if in 5 years he managed to jump of 3 ranks.

In short, Nakayama is technically slightly higher than Tsurumi (who’s a OF-1 中尉 Chūi (First Lieutenant)).

I wonder if Nakayama serves under Koito senior or he’s under some other official.

Anyway, back to the story, Nakayama hurries to answer to Koito’s mom, explaining the guy handling things is a sharp guy from Tsukisappu's intelligence division really proficient in Russian, so they had to entrust the whole matter to him.

Wanna start place your bet on who this guy is?

Do we know someone who was recently mentioned to be stationed in Tsukisappu, who works as an intelligence officer and who’s proficient in Russian?

Koito senior is seated down and, if you ask me, he also looks pretty down.

The bags under his eyes are shadowed to emphasize on them. He might seem calm and collected but he probably didn’t have 4 nice days. Koito senior was traumatized by his firstborn’s death and now he has to deal with his other son being kidnapped.

He however manages to remain an navy man who clearly doesn’t trust army men and therefore asks if they couldn’t have found a navy person who spoke Russian and could take care of the matter.

For who doesn’t know it there was a strong rivalry between the army and the navy and very poor relations. No wonder Koito’s dad didn’t want an army man to be involved.

As if on clue, no scratch it, on clue, Tsurumi appears introducing himself and surprising Nakayama and Koito’s mom. Koito’s dad instead doesn’t visually show signs of surprise.

His son described Koito Heiji as a man who didn’t scold nor smile anymore after his brother’s death. This guy is suppressing all his emotions, even a natural surprise at having a complete stranger appear all of sudden in your house.

Tsurumi, who has clearly come in unannounced explain he got in from the back entrance (so he could look professional, serious, dedicate and clever, surprise/impress everyone, show he’s actually in control of the situation and also eavesdrop the discussion without being noticed… I love how clever this guy is).

Although polite Tsurumi starts ordering people around likely taking advantage of their surprise. Mind you, his orders make sense but they would probably be met with more resistance considering the distrust there was between army and navy if he hadn’t surprised them and filled them with a sense of urgency and secrecy as well as the impression he’s in control of the situation (remember? He’s the lowest in rank there…).

In fact he politely orders to close all the curtain, claiming they’ve to do it or people will discover their strategy to recover the Koitos’ son.

It’s subtle but we can see Koito’s mom standing up at this.

She likely got up and went to do as Tsurumi says because he also filled her with a mix of hope and fear. Tsurumi shows up like a savior who has a strategy to save her baby but if they don’t obey him all will be lost.

Koito senior doesn’t react, just stares at Tsurumi. Either he’s not impressed/not buying it or he’s still trapped into his shell.

And now we’re shown a better picture of the place where Koito’s vehicle had been left…

along with explanations from Tsurumi on where it exactly is and it turns out it’s inside the Russian embassy’s closed gates, which, according to Nakayama is CONVENIENTLY deserted in summertime although, since it’s technically a Russian territory, they CONVENIENTLY couldn’t get in.

Now… I’m not a Russian kidnapper but if I were, since the purpose would be to get Koito senior’s cooperation and not to alert Japan government I’m trying to blackmail him to force him into cooperation, I wouldn’t put around a GIANT sign saying RUSSIA KIDNAPPED KOITO SENIOR’S SON for everyone to see.

Maybe it’s just me but I value discretion in this sort of things so I would contact Koito senior secretly and make my demands BEFORE he could get to warn EVERYONE, especially the Army who’s not under duty to obey his requests, about how I’m trying to blackmail him.

You know, so the Army wouldn’t keep an eye on Koito senior or demand for him to be removed from his duty as soon as he attempts to obey my requests. Or risk a diplomatic scandal. But well, okay, it’s just me.

I don’t really have a degree in kidnapping so I might be wrong.

In fact some guys instead might want for everyone to know that hey, RUSSIA DID IT, IT’S RUSSIA, IT’S ABSOLUTELY NOT ME and that the ARMY NEEDS TO BE INVOLVED BECAUSE A CERTAIN RUSSIAN SPEAKING OFFICER WORKS THERE AND HE NEEDS TO BE INVOLVED SO HE CAN SHOW OFF AND CHARM KOITO FATHER & SON so I guess they might not care about privacy and secrecy.

At each his own.

Tsurumi keeps on showing he’s perfectly in control by smoothly saying of course there wouldn’t be someone in the consulate because of course ‘Otonoshin-kun’ likely isn't in there (that’s how Tsurumi refers to Koito in the Japanese version).

Note that Tsurumi is using Koito’s name not for an excess of familiarity but because it’s a pretty common thing to do when there’s more than one person with the same surname around, so as to avoid confusion. And of course he probably sounds more caring and subtly reminding them of how Koito is young (he used ‘–kun’, not ‘–san’).

Koito’s mom is worried they’re after money but Tsurumi OF COURSE knows that’s not the case though he tactfully says it can’t be because there's plenty of rich kids in this town… which ensures her kid wouldn’t be targeted why? I mean, more kids among whom to choose don’t mean some are save and some aren’t, they all have the same probabilities of being kidnapped, if it’s about money.

Then Tsurumi subtly gives a painful jab at Koito senior by pointing out how if Russia is participating in a kidnapping the matter would be pretty serious.

Tsurumi doesn’t explain why, we’ll get why in a few minute through young Koito but, to better give you a view on the situation and on how it’s extremely clever to show Tsurumi looking up and standing tall over Koito Heiji, whose gaze is downcast the truth is that what Tsurumi is implying is that Russia is actually targeting not Koito Otonoshin but his father, Koito Heiji.

Young Koito was kidnapped due to his father, so as to allow Russia to blackmail him. It’s a dirty jab and something Koito Heiji has likely already realized. This man was likely incorruptible and without any dark secret but Tsurumi still has found a way to stand above him and try to control him.

He placed on him the burden of being responsible for his own son’s kidnapping and is trying to take advantage of the man’s trauma when he lost his first son by threatening to take away from him his second son to then return it to him.

Tsurumi is an amazing chessmaster, really. I can only bow to him.

But, as I’ve said, all this won’t be told to us now. We’ll switch to where young Koito is held.

He’s kept tied to a pole and he has heavy bags under his eyes but he seems fine, unharmed. A man orders him to drink in Russian and hands him some water.

He’s the white fedora kidnapper, the one who was in the carriage. Though he’s ordering Koito around it seems his Russian isn’t that rude (thanks @fg083!) but it can be a matter of translation from Russian to Japanese so I don’t know. The man’s face is completely hidden.

Koito realizes the guy is talking to him in Russian and asks him if he understands Japanese to which he’s merely told to shut up, always in Russian.

Koito, always the obedient kid, doesn’t (well, actually he doesn't understand Russian but he could have figured out the meaning anyway).

Well, truth is I pity him here because his situation is pretty grim and he probably needs to voice what he has inside.

Koito says that, regardless of how he may not look it, he is the son of a man in the navy…

...and his start is already sad because Koito clearly knows those guys know who his father is. What he’s trying to say isn’t to inform his kidnappers he’s the son of a sailor but that he’s the WORTHY son of a sailor and therefore understood his own situation. Therefore he’s not just a naïve and ignorant ‘bonbon’.

Which is Koito’s situation?

That, according to Koito, Russia kidnapped him because his father is supervising the soon-to-be-finished “Ominato Torpedo Division”. Koito though is sure his father definitely won’t bow to Russia’s requests for his sake.

It’s undoubtedly a sad and terrible situation.

We’d like to think our parents would sacrifice everything for the sake of keeping us safe but Koito is sure his father wouldn’t do this for him… and not only it’ll turn out Koito is right but, as sad as it is, Koito’s father would be right in doing so.

But let’s have Tsurumi explain us why as we switch to him.

Tsurumi tells us if the Russian fleet in Vladivostok (remember? The Russian city in which Tsurumi worked as a spy under the name of Hasegawa) were to go through the Tsugaru Strait and make it to the Pacific Ocean, the "Ominato Torpedo Division" and  "Fort Hakodate" would be thorns in their sides.

From a map we can see that basically the two things Tsurumi mentioned control the opposite points of the street. In short they’re the Japanese system to stop the Russian advance in that direction.

The Russian fleet would have then to take the longest road and try to pass through the street in between Karafuto and Hokkaido or the even longer one  that required it to pass in between the Korean empire and Fukuoka… Korean empire on which Japan was already exerting its influence, which will later will become more official by forcing Korea to sign a series of treaties that will turn it into a Japanese protectorate, until it’ll get annexed to Japan in 1910.

Not good choices.

As if this wasn’t enough Nakayama tells us at the moment torpedo boats scheduled for deployment to Ōminato are in Port Hakodate as well. Tsurumi thanks for the info, though I bet he knew about it already and this is just a confirmation.

Anyway he does on and claims that if the kidnappers are Russian, what they want is to destroy those in order to render Japan temporarily powerless... which would mean Russia could then easily attack/invade Japan.

Nakayama though has a clever observation which is that it’s strange that no kind of demand has come from the kidnappers…

too bad Tsurumi will use it to his advantage to bring them all (well, except Koito’s mom) ILLEGALLY in the Russian consulate.

Tsurumi’s eyes darken as he sees Koito’s vehicle.

As this doesn’t mean always the same thing but it varies from character to character, it’s hard to guess what’s going on in his mind.

I can’t really remember when it happened in the past with Tsurumi. His face went completely dark when he saw Wilk and Kiro’s wanted posters…

so is he thinking his plan is going well? Though this time his face isn’t completely dark… does he feels a tiny pang of regret for having involved young Koito? For forcing another father to fear to lose his child as he lost Olga? Or for him is fair retribution as he lost Olga due to his work and to someone likely tattling him out and so Koito senior too should try this even though eh already lost one child?

Hard to say.

Anyway prior to watching Koito’s vehicle he says something might happen from here on out and, of course, something happens. The phone starts ringing as if it  was expecting them… because yes, it was.

Koito’s dad would want to go to answer because he thinks it might be from the kidnappers.

From the way he says it, he betrays he’s worried for Koito and would want to do something for him. Tsurumi though, although agreeing with him, tells him to wait because the timing of their call is too good and therefore the Russian consulate is likely under surveillance by the kidnappers so they should pretend they didn’t hear the call and go back.

Notice Tsurumi’s mastery. Koito’s dad wanted to rush to answer but he manages to keep control of the situation and stop him with his logic and knowledge. He’s a rank 7 ordered around by a rank 1. Tsurumi being there when the phonecall is being made makes him clearly above suspicions. It can’t be Tsurumi calling them as Tsurumi is with them.

Tsurumi claiming one should be always capable to read his opponent movements and keep himself two step ahead makes him look extremely clever and capable, opposed to Koito’s dad who, for a moment lost it and wanted to rush in.

The addition that if they were to mess up the kidnappers would ‘checkmate’ them, feeds the man’s fear his son could die and forces him into compliance even when he doesn’t want to. Asking to Koito’s father to please endure it by calling him Commander Koito-dono is also Tsurumi forcing him into obedience by reminding him or his rank. Koito senior isn’t just a worried father, he’s a rear admiral. He can’t rush into things.

Ah, Tsurumi is clever, I can’t help but really bow to him.

So back to Koito senior house we go after Tsurumi has better worked up an emotional and intellectual control over the guy.

So now Tsurumi can show off how competent he is by trying to figure out where the kidnappers are.

…there are 320 telephones in Hakodate… considering the range one can see the Russian consulate from a telescope and removing public places…. Hey, awesome, there can be only over 50 places in which the kidnappers can hide.

His underlings are scouting them but they can’t really enter in as they’ve to be subtle or everything will be lost but hey, once they’re ready they’ll go to the Russian consulate again and if they phone they’ll have ‘Otonoshin-kun’ come to the phone and confirm he's alive then hang up and get the phone number from the phone switchboard operator and from it find out the hideout.

In short although normally it would be really, really hard to find ‘Otonoshin-kun’ hey I came up with this perfect plan that will make it a piece of cake. Aren’t I awesome? Yes, Tsurumi, you are.

I wouldn’t entrust to you not even my worst enemy but you’re awesome. I bow to you.

Oh, not for what your plan to ‘save’ ‘Otonoshin-kun’ but for how you’re manipulating this people into thinking you’re the best thing after sliced bread. No, never mind, you’re the best thing PRIOR AND AFTER sliced bread as sliced breat started being sold in 1928, while you were awesomely manipulating people from 1891. Possibly prior to it. But well, we’ve no info on what you did prior to tricking Wilk, Kiro and Sofia. We’ll wait for you to enlighten us.

Koito’s mom is touched and start to cry so Tsurumi puts up his best caring act assuring the distraught mother he’ll do all he can so she has to make sure not to throw away all your hope.

Yeah, or all of Tsurumi’s efforts into painting himself as your lord and savior will go for naught.

Image of Koito’s dad’s face. The poor guy is sad, he still has dark bags under his eyes… and likely, even if he can’t cry like his wife he’ll want to and Tsurumi’s words are actually targeted to ensnare him more than his wife.

And so back to the consulate we go, with Tsurumi, Koito senior and Nakayama.

They… have broken in.

Not just in Russian territory as the consulate is in Russian territory but also inside the building. If Koito senior never did anything wrong before, now he risks causing a diplomatic scandal if this turns out. It’s all blackmail material for Tsurumi… though I think Koito senior would shoot himself in the head prior to let himself be forced into submission.

Anyway Nakayama claims he found a phone but points out they could have just phoned to Koito senior’s house since he too has a phone.

Good observation, Nakayama.

Tsurumi claims since the Russian consulate is the highest up on Mt. Hakodate's slope it's easier to watch the whole town from there…. so the kidnappers would choose that phone why? Because they wanted to show Koito senior a place? Is this the theory now?

Bah, I’m more concerned in why Tsurumi would want the kidnappers to phone there. Is he really planning to use the breaking into the embassy against Koito senior? I’m really not sure it’ll work…

Anyway we’re in the past so making phonecalls is tied to the time in which the phone operator office works. As it closed at 19:00 a phonecall can come only after 6:00. Meanwhile they’ll have to light a lamp and warn the kidnappers (and possibly Hakodate police) they had break into the Russian embassy illegally… because the kidnappers were supervising the embassy the past time and made a perfectly timed phonecall but they clearly wouldn’t do it now. No, respectable kidnappers go to bed when it’s late in the night.

Comes to wonder how they can notice the light if they’re sleeping but well, let’s let it slide.

So let’s turn on the lights of an embassy in which no one should be and chat a little.

The chat isn’t a pleasant one.

Koito senior states that if the perpetrators’ demands are to neutralize the Ominato Torpedo Division and Fort Hakodate and they were to comply the Russian navy could immediately start a war and come to easily invade Japan.

Now, we’ve to remember Koito’s father isn’t just Koito’s dad he’s also a REAR ADMIRAL. He has been in a war. He has been responsible for the lives lost in a war, included the one of his elder son. It’s his duty to protect Japan. Faced with such a situation he can’t help but asking himself how many hundreds of thousands of… no, how many millions of Japanese citizens would die due to the war he had caused for the sake of protecting his son.

A war of invasion is a massacre. If Russia were to invade Japan it wouldn’t be just the Japanese soldiers dying but also the civilians. And we also have to remember this massacre could end up involving his son and his wife as well. Never mentioning he can’t just say in front of another navy officer and an army officer he would gladly sell off Japan for his son’s sake.

If he were to do so Tsurumi could very well report him and have him arrested for betrayal. The whole Koito family would be ruined, Koito included.

We see Nakayama is sweating.

I think Nakayama is probably working below Koito senior and would want to help him but he likely understands the gravity of the situation.

Tsurumi isn’t sweating at all. He knows they’re perfectly safe because he’s perfectly in control of the situation ( and there’s no Russia behind this).

Still the face off is interesting. Tsurumi never had the chance to chose to betray his country to save Olga. I wonder what he thinks when, faced with all this, Koito senior claims he has no choice as the best option is (not bow to the kidnappers demands) and to let Otonoshin, HIS OWN SON, die.

Koito senior’s face as he speaks is shadowed but we can see tiny lines in the white of his eyes. I think the idea is they’re meant to signal to us the guy has red eyes, either from lack of sleep or from the effort to control himself and not to cry.

Koito senior is talking as a rear admiral, responsible for the life of everyone in Japan. He doesn’t curse Japan for the situation in which he was put, for first taking away from him one of his sons in a war and now having his other son being kidnapped by Russian. Koito senior is still thinking at the biggest picture, the well being of his country.

His son, his own feelings as father are necessary sacrifices to ensure the survival of milions of other people who trust him to protect them.

Tsurumi never had to face such chance. As he was doing his job he had his own child gruesomely murdered, a bullet going through her face, murdering her and disfiguring her.

A calculation error, a mistake on his part as he didn’t expect Fina to worry for him and come back for him and getting caught in the crossfire.

Tsurumi had to hold his own child who probably still had to learn to call him dad against his chest and watch her once lovely face being ruined by an ugly wound from which blood poured and think over and over he was to blame, that it was his mistake. His mistake?

Or it was all due to Japan, who used him for such job? If his family had remained rich… would he have ended up in Vladivostok as a spy? Would he still have to face losing such a young and beloved child as well as a person who loved him? Because even if he likely married Fina only to have a cover, in the end they clearly ended up loving each other and, more importantly, loving their own child.

Tsurumi plays father for all the men in the 7th, ultimately sacrificing them on the altar of his own ambitions, men of the 7th who all had troubles with their parents and needed them, from Ogata who was abandoned to Tsukishima who was abused, to Koito who felt neglected, to Tanigaki who disagreed with him and now that he has discovered his father was right feels too ashamed to face him.

Tsurumi, the father who lost his child, opposes to Asirpa, who plays the mother and WHO’S ACTUALLY A CHILD who never had a child of her own and lost her own mother (and father). The fake father who manipulates men for his own goals versus the fake mother who takes care of them and would want to heal them.

The ending will likely be a battle between ‘fake parents’… though if Asirpa will manage to kick Tsurumi’s ass Nihei will be proved right again. Women sure can be scary.

Anyway for now this flashback is turning into a flashback that’s not anymore about young Koito’s traumatic loss and experience but about two fathers facing each other. Two fathers who should have both fought for Japan… and whose loyalty was tested by taking away their sons.

Tsurumi ultimately became a rebellious officer who’s trying to steal Hokkaido from Japan while Koito senior, so far, despite his loss, is still loyal to Japan and willing to lose another son.

Honestly I’m curious to see how it will develop.

Young Koito will be saved, that’s for sure, but what about Koito senior? Will he become completely Tsurumi’s pawn as Tsurumi will have the means to blackmail him? Or will he just end up becoming his ally merely because he was tricked by him? Will Koito senior loyalty to Japan crash? And how Koito senior’s presence will play out in the future?

We’ll see.

… but the good part of this flashback is it might also explain why Koito senior accepted to support Tsurumi when he attacked Abashiri… because Koito senior would know there was no grasshopper attack. They were cannoning Abashiri prison and murdering everyone who was in attempting to get Nopperabou. And after he drove Sugimoto and the others away.

Is his true purpose to get Koito THE HELL AWAY from Tsurumi under the guise to turn him into a good officer? We’ll see… but I think in his own way he cares for his son…. Even though he’s a duty devoted man who doesn’t show openly his emotions.

After all he couldn’t think Nopperabou had a daughter only to use her.

Back to the kidnappers’ hideout the white fedora guy offers Koito something to eat. Koito looks fatigued, even though he still doesn’t look mistreated. Clearly being held tied for so long doesn’t do wonders for the health.

We could visually recognize the food the kidnapper offers to Koito but Koito only does after taking a bite.

It’s the ‘Tsukisappu Anpan’ Tsurumi offered him when they first met.

Sei Kobiyama let us know the Tsukisappu Anpan was only sold in shops of the Army … so the kidnappers couldn’t have bought it if they weren’t in the Army.

That or someone from the army sold it to them as a signal for young Koito that help was coming his way (assuming he were to remember the taste and look of a sweet he ate 2 years ago).

Personally I’m sure the Tsukisappu Anpan is a signal for Koito, no way Tsurumi offered them to young Koito and then, by coincidence, they were offered to him again by his kidnappers.

The hardest part though is to pinpoint who the kidnappers are.

@chibivesicle , I and the other guys at discord had been considering various options but it’s pretty hard to say something for sure.

We know they are surely 3, maybe 4 (one might be driving the carriage and never be shown). One of them talks Russian, we never heard the others speak. Is it a sign they can't talk Russian? A coincidence?

Hard to say.

After Koito is kidnapped we only see the white fedora guy. For all we know the others could have left for other jobs.

Very, very likely they aren’t Russians as I like to hope Russia would come up with a better plan… though yes, if Tsurumi managed to put a mole into the ‘Russian kidnapping squad’ maybe poor Russians too are being manipulated by Tsurumi (is there someone in this manga who has never been manipulated by Tsurumi?) into kidnapping Koito and following Tsurumi’s plan.

Another option would be Tsurumi hired some goons… and had one of his Russian talking men with them to keep an eye on them. As they all keep their faces covered the goons might not know who hired them and who among them is Tsurumi’s man. Advantages of hiring goons would be Tsurumi would have someone unrelated to him to arrest and possibly shoot to show off how good he is at saving people. Also if they screw up and Koito manages to see their faces there’s no future risk for Koito to recognize them among Tsurumi’s men. On the other side it would mean to trust them to follow a plan without being there to supervise them. Risky, I would want at least a man I can trust between them.

And, of course, it can be all the men involved are actually men of the 7th. As all this happened in 1902 and they had to be trusted I’ll say we can skip the private first class as they’re obviously new recruits who weren't working yet for Tsurumi in 1902.

Superior privates like Ogata or Usami (who’s older than Ogata according to Noda and therefore can be in the army by slightly longer time) might have been around but I don’t know if Tsurumi would trust them as back then they would be the new guys. This is a task I would entrust to my most trusted henchmen… though it’s true we only see the white fedora man interacting with Koito. The others might not have much to do.

I guess to figure out their identity it would be relevant to know if Tsurumi plans to shoot at them during an heroic rescue action or not.

We know there are few men who can speak Russian in the whole army… but well, we hear only 1 of the kidnappers using Russian. The others might not know it. So the Russian speaking one as far as we know is only white fedora guy.

Among the men from the 7th speaking Russian instead we know only Tsukishima and Ogata (well, Kiro too but back then he wasn’t in the 7th). The story seems to want us to focus on Ogata but, unless Ogata had been working with Tsurumi by a long time, I don’t know if Tsurumi would trust him with such a delicate task.

Among the other old timer, though we don’t know if they can speak Russian, there are Tamai and Kikuta. It would make sense if Tamai were another who had done dirty work for Tsurumi and now wanted to rebel against him. Kikuta… I’m not sure. He seems to be a man who serves the most profitable master but I don’t know if he’ll go and take part to the kidnapping of a real admiral’s son. Looks risky.

Honestly I’m not even sure Tsurumi would use him as Kikuta is clever and could use this against Tsurumi.

Tsukishima could be a good choice as he’s really loyal to Tsurumi but… is he morally and emotioanlly up to handle a kidnapping plan? Of a young boy? Though this could explain why he’s so tolerant with Koito, he merely feels guilty.

Of course there’s also the guy who appeared in the Tuskishima flashback and who’s still unnamed...

...and Tsurumi’s coach driver, who accompanied him to his secret meeting with Ogata after Hanazawa was killed in the Ogata's flashback.

Whose guys might be Tsurumi’s men in this job.

Hell, Tsurumi himself might have been the guy on the horse for all we know, as he was shown riding.

Back to Ogata though, it would make things interesting if it was him because it would explain why he insulted Koito in Russian. He would want Koito to remember this specific experience. But it’s really hard to say.

Tsukishima’s Russian never caused Koito to remember that experience. Of course it’s possible Koito believes Tsukishima worked as a mole for Tsurumi among his kidnappers and therefore knows he was involved but has no idea how much.

Also, in the same way as it wasn’t the anpan’s shape what caused Koito to remember but the situation, it can’t be it’s not the Russian that’s causing Koito to remember but the situation, being a hostage of someone who’s speaking Russian.

LOL, it would be really fun if it were to turn out it was the doctor who was involved in the kidnapping but since he showed no reaction to seeing Koito and instead he was interested in Ogata honestly I don’t really think so.

Anyway that was all for this chapter.

[commentairesnegligeables]

On the saying “be aware of your mental health”

⚠️Warning: triggering post ahead⚠️not for people with weak mind⚠️

Note that on this post everytime i said “help” it means therapist/people who say they are expert on mental illness. Of course, though, to seek help and company from people around you—friends, family, siblings, close people you know, when youre in doubt or struggling or feeling down or in need of support emotionally or anything, this doesnt have to be questioned—it is something of a must. Why? Cause humans are social beings. They are dependant to others. Therefore everytime i say “help” on this post i really just mean mental help (therapist/people who will diagnose you with mental illnesses).

The thing that i observed, of what causes mental health issue, is the inability to know the identity of oneself.

In order to live, the first thing one should know and make peace with isnt the environment, or family, or ones brain, or anything, but themselves.

Once someone cant do this, they simply become questionnable as an individual.

How can you be born in this world, have the ability to think of cracking down things to even the simplest, and yet you cant even deal with, understand, and know your own self—the thing closest to you? The thing that is actually yourself? The thing that matters the first?

It might seem like a pity, but more than it is a pity, it is an individual choice.

Every individual should deal with themselves. No one should tell them how, no one should tell them they “cant” and that they need help of drugs in order to deal with themselves. I feel that the moment they feel they cant, and that they need help, is the moment it becomes their choice, and that they have lost themselves.

Is losing oneself something good? Is it that when someone is depressed, i should have pity on them and treat them differently, even when its their choice?

People say its not their choice, but it is. It is ones fault that one lost temselves. Everyone is given intelligence, ability to think. What is this world? What is the purpose of this world? What is the purpose of me? What is right and wrong? With the ability, if someone still cant figure out life, once again, it is their choice.

One of the phrase that i found very dislikable is that we should be aware of our mental health.

What does that even mean?

We should be aware of our mental health, and then what? When i am sad, i can be sad, if i want to cry, i can cry, if i want to be upset and angry, let me be upset and angry, if i am happy, then let me be, if i feel deep sadness, no one can stop me, but someone can do all this without having to lose themselves. Someone can do all this while controlling it. What is this saying we should be aware of ourselves?

Should we be, sad and crying on the floor, sad and crying on our pillow, and then we question ourselves: am i in deep sadness? And then we seek the answer to someone else? Is this what “being aware” means?

How can someone else know us better than ourselves? Why should i believe someone who thinks they “studied” human psychology, whilst i myself am human and i am given the ability to control my psychology, telling me i am like this and like that.

No one can control their physical stuff, virus gets inside your throat and makes you sick, your kidney is worn out and you dont take care well so they malfunctioned, but how can mental—something that doesnt even have physical form, something that cant permanently unchange, wear out and leave you be just like that? It is not even something separated from you. It is you.

We should be aware of our mental health, that is right, but it means nothing. Everyone has done this ever since the first time human existed. It is not something new. Theyre always aware. Are they sad? Are they happy? Are they raising their chin high up and being brave?

The only difference is instead of questioning their ownselves, they control their own selves. Is controlling your ownself something forced?

No, it is naturality.

In the past, people seek for immortality, tales were told about this thing and that which can make someone immortal, in the past people lost their parents in young ages, go to war, and in Islam a hadith said one of sign of the end day is that people look at grave and say “if only i was the one that is in that place”.

I am not at all saying what happened in the past was all good, most were even bad, i will say. I am just saying people in the past lived in worse condition but they managed, and whats “glorified” is of cherishing life.

So, what caused everything to change?

1. The idea that people have had mental issues since long time but they “hid” it.

2. Glorification of mental health issues as if its really something urgent, when its not even something new (in the sense that, in most times everyones “mental health” is fine thats why we never thought about it much and only in this mOdERN thInkInG ScHEmE we are told to figure whether we are fine or not).

3. Individualistic, materialistic, atheistic, way of life.

My opinions on those:

1. Once again mental health is not diagnosed and then unchangeable, it is controlled. Someone can be a whiner and if theyre told to go to army they will be strong. It is built, it is trained, not given. In the past, in the future, this concept still hasnt changed that it thrills me whenever someone thinks mental health is not part of them and that they need someone else to “fix” it. If mental ilnness is such a big deal in lives of people of common society we wouldve heard much about it in the past about people who couldnt “function” or live like other people normally. We dont hear about them, much, because they were not told that they mightve had mental issues, instead they just lived usual. In other hand we know well that people in the past had physical illnesses—black plague, or anything, it was physically there and we heard it a lot. Or we mightve heard in some tales about people who were insane, crazy, outcasted. But NOT mass of people who couldnt function normally and deemed abnormal. Its because the truth is mental illness is nothing. Someone might have severe depression, or someone might have depression in lives, but chance to have severe depression is very low, and chance to have depression that makes you need medication is as low. You dont need medication. Just live.

2. The one that made it widespread, as ever, are leftists people. I just recently played tumblr but i have heard a lot about this tumblr movement that happened long time ago, lets call them SJW. SJW are social justice warriors and they went to tumblr, but i heard now theyre dominating twitter. So when they were in tumblr they think they were “quirky” and “unique” and they mostly were weird people. And on basis of political correctness they started bring about the idea that LGBT is fine. But not just that, this “be aware of your mental health” and post-modern feminism and “abortion is a choice” also started. Political correctness is so much of people who are too emotional and they use their brain and logic less. I know i sound biased, you can do research on your own if you want. I also have theory on how these people who played tumblr mostly were women, cause as far as i know around that time men played video games usually. But that will make it long.

Just im saying that this “be aware of your mental health” stuff doesnt just occur naturally as evolution/progress of advancement of thoughts. It was brought about politically, by people who think they are the most right, when they are the ones knowing things less, romanticize everything, they are like toddler who figure out new things and think that is what is most right, you can go to twitter and figure. This all though, is just my conclusion based on my own observation of the world.

3. Say no more, these all are just characteristics of the west, unfitting for outside of west world. Individualism rarely happens outside west (with exception) and people always have someone to tell problems to—friends, family, close people. Individualistic society will be more prone to not having anyone and therefore has to go to therapist to talk about their problem. Someone once said though religion cant stop mental health but that is such a joke. As i have stated, to know and control your own mental is to know yourself and your identity. If you are an ugly person and you dont think youre ugly, if someone says to you that you are ugly, then you will not even feel bad for yourself. If someone tells you we are living in void and that this world is so bad and that theres no point of living, if you understand those sayings are wrong, then you will not drown in the same bitterness as they do right? In this world and life everyone and everything will tell and say many things to you throughout your life, and if you cant even think on your own whether theyre right or should you listen to them, i dont even know how you live. Anyhow, the right religion will tell you purpose of life so if you are given purpose of life and you still feel life is so pointless, you are not taking the religion seriously.

I have quiet grown tired of writing, so i will just state what to do to help yourself so you wont eat all these pointless “be aware of your mental health” slogans:

1. Understand that psychology is not exact science and therefore not completely reliable. Sorry to break it to you. I myself am a hardcore unbeliever of psychological study. Unless someone cant think straight (insane), theres no need to rely on what psychology says about oneself. Its not even science. If biology says youre having cancer, then youre having cancer. But if psychology says youre diagnosed with this and that, its just cringe. How do you know? Is the “depressed cell” there and shows themselves to you through microscope? Psychologists dont even know sometimes that psychology is not exact science.

2. Psychology is not a unique or unreachable field. In the sense of its not worth to “understand thoroughly” about it that you think you need to ask expert if you dont. Rule about psychology is just: humans are divided into two, people who can think straight and cant think straight (sane and insane). As long as youre sane, you have the ability to control what you do and yourself. Thats all.

3. Know yourself and your identity. If you are asked, who are you? What is your identity? You should know. If not, youre a confused person and you will for sure think for nights if someone says to you “you are narcissist”, you will think you really are even when its not true.

4. Dont rely on forced positivity to escape fear of having mental illness. Forced positivity dont help😐just acknowledge out there people live normally without having to have so much positivity to survive. Why? Because too much positivity is not normal.... just be yourself and live

5. Fix yourself. Do you feel youre a narcissist? Do you feel you have one of those traits of being mentally ill? Then make those traits gone. Dont think that you are permanently mentally unstable and therefore need help. No. Help yourself first.

6. To feel is ok. Be sad, be happy, be angry, cry all you want. But just acknowledge that you can control yourself, cause you have ability to be sane. After letting those all go, youre fine again.

7. Everyone makes mistakes. Did you make mistake just yesterday? Did you make mistake that made whole world hates you? Its totally fine. Just promise to yourself, instead of to people, that you will improve and will not make the same mistake again. That is right, it reminds me,

8. Everyone feels what you feel. Do you some times feel deep sadness? Do you some times feel so hopeless that probably die is best thing? Do you feel things that you think people dont feel? Dont worry, everyone feels it in some times of their lives. Just cause someone looks fine the whole time doesnt mean they are in fact fine the whole time and doesnt feel like how you feel about stuff. This world is not really a good place so it will torture everyone. You are not different, so dont feel different. You are normal. Indulging in emotions thinking people dont feel the same emotion will just make you lose yourself. People are not fine in a day, and they will be fine in another day, and they feel happy in another day, its just life.

9. Dont live up to peoples expectation. Of course its not like if your parents want you to be good kid then you shouldnt live as good person. I mean to say, if society expect you to be like this and that, but theres no benefit in acting as they do, then nothings wrong with you if you dont do as they do. Just understand what is right and wrong and that is enough.

10. Be determined about your stance. Dont get easily influenced. Know what you stand for by thinking about it thoroughly.

11. Be comfortable with yourself.

12. You are who you think you are. Fake it til you make it. Be fine until you are really fine.

13. Youre the only one who can save yourself. People will help you, but the choice to be saved and become fine again can only be done by you. No one but your own self is going to come and “save” you.

My point of writing this is that, most people in the world are sane and not mentally ill/sick in severe sense til they need pSyChIAtrIsT help. One of question i heard much is that “so what if people think they have mental illness? Whats in it for you to judge them?” Well first of all it will create generation of weak minded people that think they need help for anything. Second is that i just feel sorry when someone who is fine mentally comes accross this kind of thing and they start thinking whether theyre “mentally normal” or not. One of the funny experience i had is when i was just googling on why cats are so cute and on quora someone says its because humans are masochist so they like cats biting and clawing them (and he got many votes)🤦‍♀️i really feel pity for him probably being sure what he said is true. If people are masochist, they will pet tigers or crocodiles instead. The truth is, hearing about probability of having mental illness without actually understanding it will make you paranoid. So i write this to let everyone know, that probability is the lessest thing. Unless you live in full tragedy, chance is you are fine and will continue to be so.

Indulging in psychology is not worth it if for common people, for people who have mental disturbance (crazy/insane) then ok but for commoners who once again have ability to think sane and are given intelligence, its such a waste of time to question whether one is “normal” or not. If you are able to think logically and know what is right and wrong then that is enough.

People are not so different from each other.

Even therapists who understand the truth will know that psychology and therapists are semi-real and therefore useless for common society unless in the case of people with severe cases

[sunken-standard]

Drabble Meme Prompt Fill Number Infinity

Since I had three sets of prompts with significant overlap, I combined them:

Requested by @mistykins06:Dear one. I'm incredibly late to the latest Drabble challenge so I shall throw 86 (You’re cute with glasses)  and 96 (I could’ve gone pro) at you to do with what you will. Love, Mistykins06 Requested by @mizjoely: If you're still taking prompts, 20, 21 & 22 would be fab (together, apart, whatever floats your boat!) - When’s the last time you smiled?/ Stop being such a brat/ If I wanted one, I would have gotten it myself Requested by @theleftpill: For the drabble meme - I have no idea what the phrases are since I don't have the original list, so I'm choosing numbers for personal reasons: 86 (You’re cute with glasses ), 20 (When’s the last time you smiled?), 22 (If I wanted one, I would have gotten it myself)

Set in The Cheese Stands Alone ‘verse.

"You’re cute with glasses"/ "I could’ve gone pro"/ "When’s the last time you smiled?"/ "Stop being such a brat"/ "If I wanted one, I would have gotten it myself"

"Stop being such a brat and just come back," Molly said, her ancient cordless phone wedged between her ear and shoulder as she refilled the salt shaker.  She always tidied her kitchen when she was using her land line, it was ridiculous.  Who still used a land line anyway? Her one remaining friend from the Tom-era and former colleague 'Meena,' apparently.  Dull.  "Three is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours while you take a shift in the lab.  Just give him a little Benylin and put him in a dog crate with a blanket over it, turn on the telly for some noise, he won't even know you're gone."

Ah yes, the future mother of my children, Sherlock thought dryly.

"Pfft, unfit.  And if I wanted one, I would have got it myself.  No, it's not baby-snatching if you leave something of equal value in the pram, like a puppy or a bag of apples."

He glanced up and she was smiling that little dimply, impish smile of hers.  She was trying to murder him; cause of death—ironically unrequited love and cuteness.

"I'm telling you, the new techs they send in just keep getting worse.  I don't know where they're getting them, but..."  A pause while Meena said something that made Molly's lips twist into a half-smile, half grimace.  "Oh, he was a dope, but at least he's not a creep.  This new one, Gaz—yeah, I know, right?—spent his entire first day staring at my tits like he was trying to make eye contact with them to assert his dominance or something."

He's not going to last long, Sherlock thought darkly.  His eyes drifted to her chest, her bra-less breasts wobbling  rather enticingly under her t-shirt.  Molly would find a way to take care of it, she always did, but if she didn't, he could arrange for 'Gaz' to accidentally fall down some stairs or something else equally violent and debilitating.  One of the many perks of associating with the criminal classes.

Molly snapped her fingers in front of her chest to get his attention, then pointed rather pointedly to her eyes while pursing her lips.  They're up here.

Shit. She'd caught him looking.  And rather than being flustered or flattered or—best-case—ready to throw the phone down and whip her t-shirt over her head to let him have a go at them, she just looked annoyed.

She laughed at something Meena said and went back to tidying the worktop.

*

"Ugh, my ear feels like it's going to fall off," she said, flopping down next to him on the sofa.  It was a Herculean effort not to watch her breasts bounce as she did it; now that she knew he looked and she wasn't happy about it, it was all he wanted to do.  Well, more than he normally did, which, to be fair, was a significant amount of time anyway.

He looked at her ear, instead, which was quite red from where it had been pressed to the phone for the last hour and change.

"Now you know why I don't like lengthy phone conversations."

"You don't like any phone conversations," she contradicted, pulling that scornful face of hers that made her look like she should be wearing a ball gown, surrounded by birds and anthropomorphic mice and talking teapots.

"Texting is easier."

"Not when I'm in the middle of a post-mortem."

"That's why you have assistants."

"I have assistants to assist with the post-mortem. Not to answer questions like, 'Could you, in theory, fit three Walnut Whips in your mouth at once?'  Though really, can't complain about that one, the next day I had seven of them on my desk because apparently Ann told everyone in the department and they all wanted to know.  So, I mean, free chocolate.  Oh, don't make that face."

"What face?  This is my normal face."  He might have been making a face; that text was actually supposed to be private, since it wasn't for a case and more a matter of personal curiosity.  He'd also been eating a Walnut Whip at the time and was having other, entirely less innocent thoughts about her eating one, too.

"Well, yes, but it's a glower.  When's the last time you smiled?"

"Yesterday, though it may have just been wind," he answered dryly.

It had the desired effect; she couldn't help herself and snorted.  Molly loved a fart joke.  Maybe he could get her to watch some Monty Python again later.  

*

"I really wish Meena would come back.  She was so good at her job—no accidents, always there on time, never ran the wrong tests on the wrong samples.  And she was so much fun!  She was the one who dared me to wear her glasses when they did the new ID badge photos.  We were talking about how no one ever checks them anyway and I could probably wear a clown nose and a rainbow wig and no one would even raise an eyebrow," Molly said, her tone wistful.  

"Mm, always wondered why you had them in that picture," he murmured distractedly, deftly applying a second coat of red varnish to her middle toenail.  Being her stand-in girlfriend wasn't all bad all the time; at least he got to be physically close to her and she talked to him. "You look cute with glasses."

Bollocks, he thought.  He hadn't meant to say that out loud.  He hoped she'd just take it as a girlfriend thing, like telling her her hair was on point or those shoes were hot or whatever it was women said to each other to be supportive.

"Oh, ah, thank you," she said.  It was almost a question.  

"You're welcome?" he answered, making it a question himself.

He finished applying the varnish in excruciating silence; he was very aware of Molly watching him as he picked her foot up off his lap to blow on her still-wet nails.  It was a heavy moment.

"You're, ah, really good at that.  Pedicures, I mean," Molly said, her voice strained.

"Had a case once for a nail salon owner.  Industrial espionage, more or less—well, less, more than more, they had their own line of varnishes and care products that were being tampered with.  Learned how to do it there.  She said I could've gone pro.  I even got to keep the tips," he babbled, realizing he'd been swiping his thumb over Molly's ankle.

"Just the tips?" Molly asked, and he really wasn't sure if she was making a sex joke or asking a genuine question; he swallowed hard against the implication of the former and the very vivid image his brain supplied him with.

"Actually got a bottle of nail varnish, too.  I used it in an experiment.  It was purple."  I carried a watermelon.

Good thing she didn't know he'd actually seen (and liked) Dirty Dancing; he could at least maintain the illusion of having a working pair of testicles. There had to be an appropriate joke in there about the colour blue as well, but he was having a hard time (ha) thinking past the smoothness of her skin.  She'd shaved just the night before.

"How is your ankle, by the way?" he asked, changing the subject to something safe.

"Much better, barely feel it now.  Bruising's almost gone," she said too quickly, grateful that the conversation was moving away from weird, at least.

"I see," he said, pushing up her trouser leg under the pretence of inspecting her ankle.

"I mean, you can still wait on me hand and foot and carry me up the stairs, if you're still feeling guilty," she joked. "Wouldn't mind a bacon butty right now.  Or a glass of wine.  Or both."

He turned to her with a look of appalled affront at her gustatory choices, then let it drop.  "Actually, do you have any bacon in? I'm a bit peckish myself."

"No, but I've still got plenty of cheese."

"Grilled cheese it is, then.  Goes better with the wine, anyway," he said, easing himself out from under her feet.

*

"Mm, God, this is gorgeous," she said, using her finger to swipe a gooey string of cheese off of her chin.  "Since when do you know how to cook things that aren't potentially explosive or otherwise hazardous?"

"I'm a man of many talents," he said before biting into his own sandwich.  Using the sliced apple in it had been a stroke of brilliance if he did say so himself.  "I know how to both boil and fry an egg, too," he added.

"With skills like that, you'll make some lucky woman very happy one day," she said lightly.  "You can certainly fill out an apron." She gave him an amused mock-leer from where she was leaned against the sink with her plate.

The apron was rather ridiculous, but he wasn't going to ruin a £300 shirt with grease splatter.

"Well, if you ever come across a woman who doesn't mind the occasional potentially explosive or otherwise hazardous dinner, enjoys solving crimes, and can provide me with human body parts for experimentation, then do give her my number," he said, skirting the edge of actually flirting by injecting just a hint of sarcasm into his tone. It was either that or drop to his knees and beg her to just give him a chance to make her happy; he'd rather not ruin the evening, though.

"I don't know, a woman like that sounds awfully dangerous.  Probably has a few bodies buried in her back garden.  Could have had an ex-boyfriend that was a criminal mastermind.  Maybe he's even buried in her back garden."  She smirked before taking a bite of her sandwich.  

He was hit with the memory of when he'd told her Moriarty was dead and she needed to do something with the body until Mycroft could arrange disposal; Shall I just bury him in my back garden, then? had been her incredulous response.  Hadn't been nearly as amusing at the time.

Wait, was she flirting?  Or was she just going along with the joke?

"I like a woman who knows her way around a shovel.  Graverobbing's always much more fun with two."

"I thought that was housebreaking."

"That too. Lots of things are better with two.  Vandalism, confidence tricks, footraces, most board games..."

"Sex," she supplied.

"Probably," he agreed.

He could almost hear the needle scratch across the vinyl before she scrutinized him.

"I mean, with one person it's not really sex as such and three or more is just too many, so two for sex.  Two is the magic number there. Two people.  Having sex," he stumbled to clarify, anything to cover the fact that he had no first-hand knowledge of the act.  

"Ohhh-kay."

And it was going so well there for a minute.

*

"Sherlock," she said, pulling her calves away from his still-cold feet.

"Hm."

"If I, ah, ever did meet a woman like you described before, or, I mean, someone I thought you might like, would you, ah, ever want me to introduce you?  Because, I—I would."

"Thank you, but no."

"Women not your area, married to your work, right."

"No, that's just what I tell John when asks annoying, invasive questions." Because it was dark and he was turned away from her and there was always something about the night-time that made confessions easier, he said it.  "To be quite honest, I'm not interested in meeting any women.  I've already met one and I can't really imagine anyone else being able to hold a candle to her."

"Oh," she said quietly, sadly.  "If you, ah, ever want to talk about it, I mean, it must be hard to keep up long distance for so long..."

Long distance?  What was she—oh.  Irene Adler, John's blog and the lie he'd told about the witness protection scheme in America.  

Really though, what he had with Molly could be considered long distance; the other side of the bed may as well be the other side of the world for all the distance between them.

"It can be trying at times, but every moment I do get with her is precious," he said sincerely.  It was probably a cruel thing to do to make her think it was someone else, but maybe, just maybe, if he could get his feelings out like this, he could tell her the truth someday.  Or else he was shooting himself in the foot.

She reached over and gave his arm a gentle squeeze.

"I'd spend every hour of every day with her if I could.  Sleep next to her every night.  Apart from the cold feet, I don't think she'd mind."

"She probably doesn't mind the cold feet as much as she pretends to," Molly said, her voice taking on that gentle, heartbreaking tone of hers when she was clamping down on her own misery to ease someone else's.  

He'd maybe made a bit of a mistake, miscalculated how deeply buried the feelings she used to have for him still were.  He didn't want to hurt her.

He wiggled backwards a bit and pressed his feet against her again; this time to the outside of her leg, one foot from her ankle to mid-calf, the other above it.

"Or maybe she does mind it, but she puts up with your bullshit because she loves you too much anyway," Molly said, poking him in the back.

His heart sped up with the thought of Molly loving him in return; what a wonderful thing that would be.

"I do sometimes wonder if she does.  She's never said it.  Not in so many words, at least."

"Have you ever said it to her?  I mean, assuming you do love her, which it sounds like you do."

"Oh, I do.  More than I ever thought possible.  Never found the right moment to actually tell her, though.  The timing's always bad."

"Mm. Yeah."  A pause.  "I'm sure you'll find the right time and the right words one day."

"One hopes," he dismissed.

They settled back down to sleep, both lost in their own thoughts.  

"Molly—"

"Hm?"

"Goodnight." He just couldn't do it.  Wanted to, but couldn't.

One day.

[briannaslist]

Chapter 9: La Grande Illusion

A Riverdale Recap

With Jason gone, the shareholders to the Blossom Maple Syrup company are wondering who will inherit the empire. Hint – no one wants it to be Cheryl. Now the Blossom family is worried about the shareholders making a power play to take over.

At the Cooper home, Betty shares her worries about Polly to Jughead. She says she understands why Polly wouldn’t want to talk to her parents, but she doesn’t get why Polly’s ignoring her. Jughead decides to comfort her with a kiss. Since Alice has no concept of boundaries, she just walks right in on them and starts putting away Betty’s laundry while also telling them both of her plans to write a tell-all exposing the Blossoms. Betty says that she doesn’t think that will help bring Polly and Alice says that it’ll personally make her feel better. Those Coopers sure know how to prioritize.

Hermione tells Veronica that the lawyers are coming to take their statements. Veronica asks if she’ll have to lie and her mom says she’ll have to “shield the truth a little”. And since they’re talking about things that make them uncomfortable, Hermione tells her that Hiram also found out about the affair she’s been having with Fred. Veronica suggests that she tells Fred before someone else does. When the teenagers make more sense on the show…

Finally, these people make it to school, but it seems class still has not started. Maybe it’s the middle of the day. Cheryl asks Archie to escort her to her family’s annual tree tapping ceremony that they hold exclusively for the shareholders. She says she can’t face it alone now that Jason is gone. Archie says he can’t do it because he has a girlfriend. Ah yeah! Valerie. Remember her? It’s like we saw more of her before she and Archie started dating. He suggests that she take someone else. Cheryl says that it has to be Archie because he defended her when her own parents didn’t, but we’ve seen the shareholders and they’re almost all redheads or are wearing red, so I say, what’s the real reason?

It appears everyone is getting a little piece of plot this episode; after Ethel reads a sad poem in class, Veronica asks her if everything is okay. Ethel tells her that her parents are fighting and things at home aren’t great. It would probably seem sadder if not for the fact that this describes literally everyone on this show. Veronica offers to cheer her up by inviting her over for lunch and pampering and she says Kevin will be there. This is news to Kevin, who not only was not a part of the conversation, but also was not even sitting with them.

So after leaving the student lounge, Kevin asks Veronica what all of that was about. Veronica tells him that she vowed to never ignore a cry for help after she and a former best friend emotionally terrorized and bullied some girl from school just because they could. And Kevin is listening to this story horrified and is like, “Oh my God, did you drive her to suicide?!” and Veronica is like, “What?! No!” But it really did sound like that’s where she was going, so you know, phrase it better next time Veronica. Veronica and her friend’s treatment was so bad that the girl left the school and had to go to therapy. You know, this is told like a one off story, but I don’t think this is the last we’ve heard of this. At some point, more of Veronica’s old ways have to come to light. We’ve even seen hints of it in her previous behavior.

While this is going on, Penelope Blossom comes from nowhere to ask Archie to escort Cheryl to the tree tapping ceremony (get out your giggles about the “tapping”). Archie starts to off the same excuse he gave Cheryl, so Penelope offers to help get him into prestigious music academy’s summer program through a family connection; Archie agrees and Penelope has a moment because he reminds her of Jason. It’s uncomfortable. Actually, every scene involving the Blossoms for the duration of the episode is uncomfortable.

It appears that Archie immediately told the first people he knew that he’s going to the program because Betty and Jughead walk in to Kevin saying they’re talking about Archie’s admittance. Archie finally clarifies and tells them about the exchange with Penelope. Jughead and Veronica immediately switch to “oh bad idea, you should not do that”, but Betty has ulterior motives and tells Archie it’s a great idea and asks him to check on Polly for her. He assures the others that he shouldn’t worry and can take care of himself. They say the most convincing lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

Archie goes to the ceremony and helps calm down a nervous Cheryl. She does a good job of getting the maple syrup out of the tree and her parents look relieved. After the whole group takes a creepy photo that looks like it’ll be in a future textbook on a chapter about cults (it’s because of all the red/redheads), Archie goes to tell Polly that Betty is worried about her. Polly says Betty shouldn’t be worried and that is the entirety of their conversation and Archie “trying”.

As everyone is walking back, Archie and Cheryl overhear some trustees talking about how unfit Cheryl is, using her breakdown at the funeral for proof of her being unstable. Her breakdown at her twin brother’s funeral. Because he was murdered. Whether or not there was some kind of weirdness happening between Cheryl and Jason, anyone in that situation would be likely to cry a lot. Archie jumps to her defense.

When they finally reach their destination, Cliff tells Archie that he was hesitant about him coming, but now he’s glad Archie is there. Not sure why; Archie hasn’t actually done anything. This really may just be because of the red hair. He invites Archie to accompany Cheryl to a banquet they’re having tomorrow. Archie says that that’s not really his thing and he tries to get out of it, but Cliff insists. Then Cheryl jumps in saying he’ll need a proper suit and Cliff says he’ll have his tailor fit him for it. And hey, free suit, so Archie agrees. Look at how quickly Archie couldn’t take care of himself.

At the Lodge home, Betty joins Veronica, Kevin, Ethel, and Hermione for lunch. Ethel isn’t eating because of everything on her mind and she tells them that she thinks her dad had some bad luck with their savings and thinks that they may be losing the house.  That’s a lot to share with people you have  a few classes with. Veronica tells her that they have a lot in common and works to reassure her and says, “You’ve got this Ethel Muggs”. Hermione recognizes “Muggs” and has another “guess who else hates your dad?!” talk with Veronica in regards to the Muggs family. Hermione heard that the Muggs’ may be testifying against Hiram.

Since Hermione is having a bunch of awkward conversations, she decides to also go and tell Fred the truth about Lodge Industries being the buyer. She tells him that if she knew the shady stuff Hiram was planning then she never would have agreed to go along with the construction. She also tells him that Hiram hired the people to vandalize his work site because of the affair. Just get it all out in one go. Fred is super pissed about being dragged into the middle of this war between Hiram and Clifford Blossom while Hermione knew all about it. He has to leave to take a walk.

Archie goes to the Coopers to tell them what he learned in his less than 10 second conversation with Polly. He thinks that Polly won’t be coming back based on “Betty shouldn’t be worried about me”. Archie also tells them about the trustees potentially going for a hostile takeover, which delights Alice.

The next day at school, Betty and Jughead talk to Cheryl about Polly. Cheryl says that they should be celebrating – a doctor confirmed her grandmother’s prediction about Polly having twins. Betty is hurt that Polly didn’t say anything to her. So wait, Polly was really never getting medical care at that Home for “Troubled Youth” then? How did they not know that she was pregnant with twins before this? They should have known this months ago.

After school, Veronica has Ethel come over because she has some clothes and accessories that she wants to give Ethel. Ethel naturally has some reservations about just taking all of these expensive things and Veronica tells her that she wants her to have it. They’re gifts that her father brought home whenever he messed up; this includes the pearls she always wears. Obvious foreshadowing, how fun! Ethel tells Veronica that she just wants to be her friend; she doesn’t need the gifts.

Cheryl goes to the Andrews’ house and tells Fred that he’s looking extremely DILF-y before just walking in. You know what Cheryl, never change. She’s delivering a gift to Archie – an ’84 Les Paul guitar. She gives him a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Fred suggests that Archie return the gift and Archie is all, “Aw, c’mon, the Blossoms are being really nice and they’re helping me out.” But even if they weren’t “helping” that gift is way too much. Fred tells him that the Blossoms are trying to run the business into the ground and look at people like them as if they’re dirt on their shoes. And still Archie says, “Maybe if you just talk to Cliff about how he’s hurting the business…” Wow. There’s naïve and then there’s this.

Alice and Betty go to the newspaper office to talk to Hal about the expose that Alice wrote on the Blossoms. However, Hal technically is the owner of the paper and he refuses to publish it; he also locked Alice out of the system so she can’t publish it herself. Alice should have seen that coming though. Then to add insult to injury, Hal fires her. So Alice and Betty walk out. However, Alice isn’t finished and she picks up a loose brick and throws it through the glass door yelling, “I want my daughter back you bastard!” Hal and Betty look on in shock like she’s crazy, but it was really cool and it actually makes me respect Alice more.

Archie completely ignored that conversation he had with his father and is getting fitted for a tux by Cliff’s tailor. He asks if he and Cliff can talk for minute and the tailor gives them the room. Archie asks if Cliff can help his father instead of the favor for the music school. Cliff is impressed by Archie negotiating for his dad and says that they already called the uncle at the music school; however, he says they can talk more after the banquet about helping Fred. Archie is smiling all satisfied, as if he actually did something.

Betty fills Jughead in on everything that happened last night with her parents and cries about her family falling apart. Jughead comforts her and says that her family won’t fall apart because she’s holding it together; but that’s a pretty inappropriate job for a teenager in terms of family. The kid shouldn’t be holding a family together.

Valerie makes an appearance to add to Archie clearly not paying attention to this Blossom situation. She tells him that Cheryl came to talk to her bragging about how she’s going to steal Archie away. And Archie just brushes it off like he’s done all episode.

Oh, forgot about Veronica! She still has a storyline. Kevin comes up to Veronica and Betty and tells them that Ethel’s dad tried to kill himself; he’s going to be okay, but he is in the hospital. Veronica heads off to the bathroom to cry and she angrily rips off her pearl necklace. That’s so hazardous; I hope she cleaned that up. Betty comes in to comfort her.

Betty and Veronica bring flowers to Ethel and her mom at the hospital. But Ethel’s mom doesn’t know who Veronica is and the guilt is getting to Veronica, so she tells Ethel’s mom that she’s a Lodge. Mrs. Muggs goes from thankful to angry and tells Ethel that Veronica isn’t her friend and that Veronica’s dad is the reason Mr. Muggs tried to kill himself; she tells Veronica that her father belongs in prison for life. I mean, maybe, but I don’t really see what that has to do with Veronica herself.

At the Blossom banquet, Cheryl tells Archie that her parents wanted her to fail the tree tapping and they aren’t being nice or genuine. All of that would have been nice a day earlier Cheryl; though knowing Archie, he would just ignore it. Clifford speaks alone with Archie and tells him that he will help his father; Archie thanks him and tells him that he doesn’t have to keep doing him favors because he genuinely likes Cheryl and is happy to help her. Cliff then tells him that the board doesn’t like Cheryl because, while she’s smart, she’s not stable or trustworthy. However, he thinks that Archie being attached to her helps the “picture” that they’re trying to sell. Because the behavior of the board is contingent on exactly how these teenagers act today. None of them know Archie, and honestly, if they did, they would probably just take their chances with a solo Cheryl.

Polly politely cuts into Archie and Cliff’s conversation – and just in time because Archie clearly thought the conversation was getting weird – and the two of them start dancing. Polly tells Archie to tell Betty to stop asking about her and that she’s at Thornhill to investigate the Blossoms because she’s sure they have something to do with Jason’s murder. She has more to say, but Archie gets distracted by seeing Cheryl run off after a heated conversation with her dad and he decides to go after her. A move simultaneously kind and stupid; nothing would fit Archie Andrews more.

Cheryl tells Archie that she knows everyone, including her own family, hates her. Archie says forget what they think and that he thinks she’s awesome. Which is very sweet to say, but is so empty. She still has to live in that house, no matter how much Archie thinks she’s “awesome”. Cheryl tells him that she thinks he may be the only decent person in Riverdale and she kisses him. He lets her for a moment, but then he pulls back and walks away.

Incredibly, it proves to be a good thing that Archie kept hanging out with the Blossoms because he overhears Clifford and Penelope talking about how they’re responsible for Hiram Lodge going to jail. He moves along and Cheryl catches up to him. She tells Archie if he leaves then everything they’re giving him disappears. He tries to say that he came as a favor to her mom but Cheryl says she knows it’s really because of the favors, which means he’s not as different as she wants him to be. Archie can’t take it anymore and he leaves.

Betty and Jughead tell Alice that they heard from Archie about Polly choosing Thornhill so she could spy. That makes Alice feel a bit better, but she’s still worried that Polly won’t come home. Betty says that she will and that they can write about the Blossoms with Polly’s insight. Jughead offers Alice to come join them at the school paper. Alice kinda scoffs since it’s the school paper, but it’s not like she has anything better to do.

The next morning, Archie catches Valerie on her way to school and he tells her that she was right about the Blossoms and he’s done with them. Only took him an entire episode, so he’s making progress. Valerie says that great but she’s done with him because all he’s done is ignore her since they got together. That explains why we’ve only seen her for like a minute total over like three episodes.

Fred tells Hermione that he’ll stay on with the construction (his livelihood does kind of depend on this contract) but there will now be new conditions: everything they do is legal, he wants 20% of a stake because he’s tired of being used, and their romantic relationship is done. Somehow she’s surprised by that last part, even though that’s the one she should have seen coming.

Veronica goes to class early and apologizes to Ethel on behalf of her family. Ethel responds by being rational and saying it’s not her fault what did. Plus Ethel appreciates Veronica being there for her when no one else was. At this point several teens in Riverdale could be emancipated and do significantly better than being with their parents.

Archie tells Betty and Jughead what he overheard the Blossoms saying about Hiram Lodge. They think that’s a good motive for Hiram killing Jason and they put his name on the murder board.

Cheryl colors Archie and Polly’s faces out of the group photo from the tree tapping while wiping away tears because she’s emotionally immature.

[calleo-bricriu]

Just going to take a break from that awful The Perverts book for something probably equally as irritating: Non-fiction by the same author and presented as actual medical fact.

And it's all anecdotes, as I mentioned.

Surely, I'll be able to get through the Foreword and at least one anecdote--sorry--case study.

"We no longer have universal sexual evils or perverted habits. They exist, of course, but only in those outside of contact with normal men and women, and in the mentally diseased."  - Off to a wonderful start.

"There can be no successful children conceived through disgust or unwillingness. Children, who have been brought into this world unwanted, begrudgingly, are certain to display, later in life, some symptom of psychic starvation." - I feel as though this is going to be one of the few accurate things he says in the entire book.

Still in the foreword, as an aside. Most of it so far has been him complaining about how religion, specifically Christianity, screws everything up which is also--a pretty reasonable thing to say based on a few thousand years of history.

On to the "First Consultation".

"The man who can go to his bride with a clean physical record, good inheritance, freedom from the demands of alcohol, drugs, or sensuality, is an aristocrat." - Okay Mr. ____ in the first consultation already sounds kind of dull, so I can see why his wife might be bored with him.

"--to the woman really in love there can be nothing in life but love and beauty. Not only the mind, the soul, but the gross physical organs are alive with new throbs, new blood." - Could we not talk like that?

I'd say I'll take a shot every time he says something weird as hell but I'd probably end up poisoning myself before the first anecdote is over.

Very long and repeated explanations of how women are so delicate they'll shatter into thousands of pieces if you so much as accidentally glance in their direction and that one should approach one's wife the same way one might try to approach a bird at a feeder without startling the hell out of it.

I don't think this author has ever known an actual woman.

"The reprehensible custom of giving the bride some sort of stimulant just before and after the wedding is fraught with great danger. Already wrought up to a high pitch, a glass or two of wine may be the one factor causing a state of disagreeable hysteria, and if she is apt to be irregular in her functions it will certainly aid in bringing on her period."  - Yeah. That's--even I know that's not how it works.

The end of the first anecdote--consultation, whatever, wraps up with what amounts to only have sex in your house because you want her associating that with her home but also don't approach her wait for her to approach you because--I don't actually know why, he didn't really explain it--but the end result is his dumb ass is supposed to slowly figure out that maybe she's not into him just walking up to her uninvited and pawing at her like an animal.

Second Consultation: The Neglected Wife. This ought to be good.

This one starts with the good ol' Doctor here lecturing some guy by telling him of COURSE his wife is nervous and irritable, and hasn't he noticed that she's also losing weight and is pale?

Of course, he hasn't noticed, which is probably why this anecdote is called "The Neglected Wife".

Doctor lectures him for awhile about how he's been ignoring/neglecting his wife and he's still clueless like, "I don't know what you mean, I never even thought about--"

Doctor cuts him off with what amounts to WELL OBVIOUSLY if you had been paying attention you'd have noticed she's unhappy you fucking idiot. Basically, the 'neglect' here is that her husband isn't doing the sex thing regularly, and is focusing 110% of his time on his job and hobbies and sometimes might vaguely remember that there’s another person in the house and it's making her go all twitchy and cranky.

Fair enough.

The doctor basically then spent four pages long-windedly telling him to stop being a nerd, put the damn books down and pay attention to his wife while the husband occasionally interrupts to say he doesn't understand the problem.

"You don't mean to say, Doctor, that married women are as desirous for sexual relief as man?" -  Wow, she married a bright one.

Doctor says it's not only that and to please stop interrupting, no wonder she can't stand you.

I wish he'd stop comparing things about her to geysers, though.

You know, until I see certain words written, all of this could have been written anytime between 1900 and 1965, however, he's just dropped the phrase "at the nickelodeons".

Which apparently turn women a little slutty somehow, along with reading "rotten erotic novels" and watching "abominable and suggestive plays" and going to dance halls.

HA! So he drops the bomb that this guy's wife has already been in and had a frank discussion with him so Mr. _____ is about to get dragged again by having to listen to what she said.

So, her problem is he spends too much time being a nerd, I guess; too much time reading, in his observatory, writing things, basically doing anything BUT acknowledge that she exists. Fair list of complaints.

He is, of course, oblivious to all of this and can't believe she didn't tell him, which she did, numerous times over several years and he basically went with, “I could have sworn I heard someone talking--oh well, probably my imagination!” and went back to work so now he really looks like a dick.

Doctor starts telling him, again, that he needs to start paying attention to his wife, like, just in general, because they are in a relationship and she's not his maid or his mom.

This dumbass comes back with, "But I need all my vigor and energy for my work. I have--"

Gets cut off by the doctor who drags him for being an idiot for the third time now. She hasn't been saying much, I didn't even know she was in the room until she piped up, she's just sitting there probably happily listen to this guy drag her husband.

Oh, he went for the THROAT!

"No wife is compelled to live with an unsexed man."

"Doctor, Doctor; that is not true--I am a man!"

"No; you have been and can be; but are not."

Dr. Howard is having none of this guy's excuses today and keeps lecturing him on why his is basically all his fault which it kind of is and straight up tells him she'll divorce his ass if he keeps prioritising work and hobbies over her and he'll have it coming.

Then goes on to, "And you can't just throw sex into the mix, you have to actually pay attention to her on a regular basis."

"You, sir, have nearly killed your wife before she has reached full sexual life." - Ouch.

And apparently he was sufficiently read to filth in front of his wife (who I assume just sat there nodding the whole time) and they got sent off to go on holiday to get their shit together then return home.

So the first two weren't nearly as horrible as I would have guessed but I did skip ahead and look at the titles of the other anecdotes:

"On Keeping Your Health"

"Excessive Indulgence and Permissible Indulgence"

"Some of the Causes for Marital Misery"

"The Dangers of Alcoholic Parents"

"Prenatal Influences: What Environments and Mental Attitudes can do to the Unborn Child"

"A General Consultation" (this page was dog-eared at one point)

"The Marriage of the Unfit" (This has a dog-ear midway through the chapter; the page is about how women who have children past about age 35 will always produce--uh--well, "useless and helpless men, unstables, the kind which go to the human junk pile." Okay...)

"Parental Responsibility"

I'll just get to those some other time.

[gaiatheorist]

What have I ‘got’?

Brain damage, or ‘Acquired Brain Injuries’, depending who I’m speaking to, my ability so say, and spell ‘subarachnoid haemorrhage’ appears to be working against me, in the UK’s labyrinthine and convoluted disability benefit system, though.

I have a task on my desk, it’s a self-set task, and I don’t want to do it, but my Welfare Rights Advocate is proving himself unreliable. He’s supposed to be ‘supporting’ me with my PIP tribunal, but he’s evasive, untrustworthy, and a little bit patronising. I have a note of all the times he’s said he was going to do something, and then not done it, frustrating for me, because I’m out of my depth with the tribunal evidence. (I’m not, I’m fully conversant with the majority of the 300+ pages on my desk, most of it being the evidence I submitted in the first place. I’ve typed-up the notes I took contesting the speculation, omissions, and, shall we say ‘mis-recorded results’ from ATOS/DWP, so the Advocate can read them. I’ve also tidied up the bits I’d put in ranty capital letters, and toned down the swearing.) 

The task. When I was referred to Workplace Well-being, about a year ago, my Union Representative asked me to ‘write a list of all my difficulties’ to take with me. ‘Other’ people love a good list, don’t they? (’Othering’, there, watch yourself.) I didn’t want to ‘write a list’, mainly because I hate reflecting on all of the things ‘wrong’ with me, but also because loads of paper with just ‘things’ noted on them in a random order serve no functional purpose. The rep will have seen it as a memory aid, in case I forgot something, my functional/working memory does let me down on a regular basis, there are work-around strategies for that. I wrote the list, because I was very mindful of the need to follow instructions, but the original nurse who assessed me (before transferring my case to a doctor, who told me “This case should never have been assessed by a nurse, it’s far too complex.”) didn’t look at it. No reflection on her procedural-practice, there, she asked me questions, and I was able to answer most of them. The Union Rep was frustrated with me when she saw the nurse’s report, and asked me if I’d ‘really’ explained my difficulties. Well, Union Rep, yes, I did, that’s why the nurse is recommending that I’m ‘unfit’ for a minimum of 12 weeks, and need a full functional/cognitive assessment via Neurology. (Honestly, am I the only one who can read? Still haven’t had the functional assessment, either.) That was the start of the task, and I need to re-do it.

I was going to go list-style again, but break it into Physical/Intellectual/Emotional/Social categories. (Yes, I did support GCSE Health and Social Care lessons, about a million years ago.) Breaking my ‘list’ into categories gives me an element of control, I only have to focus on one ‘bit at a time, it reduces the risk of me becoming overwhelmed at having to think of all of it, all at once. Again. I’ve spent almost three years trying not to reflect too much on which bits of me no longer function properly, and the adaptations I’ve absorbed/normalised to keep myself, and others safe, now the PIP-system is making me do precisely that. A ‘list’ of all-that-ails-me still serves no purpose, it would be like the world’s worst shopping list, “Constant headaches, light aversion, sporadic tics and tremors, mood swings, sleep disturbance, have we any milk left, inattention.” It would just be a load of words, on some paper, the Advocate boldly stated that he’d write my ‘witness statement’ for me, I think he meant ‘impact statement’, but I’m not having a man who uses multiple consecutive punctuation marks in text-messages writing anything ‘for’ me. He doesn’t live in this state, I do. 

Right, it’s not going to be a list, it’s going to be a table, ‘Issue’, ‘Impact’ and ‘Adaptations/Strategies’, broken down into the ‘PIES’ categories, for ease of reading by other people. Yes, I ‘could’ potentially be shooting myself in the foot, here, because the adaptations/strategies I’m using mean that I ‘can’ complete the majority of the ‘descriptor activities’. Eventually. That’s what’s REALLY wrong with the PIP-system, apart from it being operated by shady individuals only interested in finding a way to refuse claims, in my experience. I didn’t tick the ‘unable to’ box for any of the descriptors, and I’m smirking now, about my ‘traits consistent with Autism’, I won’t lie, and it doesn’t matter how many times DWP/ATOS ask me the same question (not even bothering to change the phrasing, amateurs.) they will get the same answer, because this is my life. DWP/ATOS are using a one-size-fits-all template for EVERY disability claim, it’s the same form for every applicant/disability/condition, and it’s heavily skewed towards physical capabilities. ATOS/DWP are effectively banging a hamster through the star-shaped hole on a Fisher Price shape-sorter, certain tabloids and media sources are shouting at the hamster to stop being lazy, and run, and then the ‘assessor’ gives the shape-sorter a good kick, and ticks the ‘able to move 20m’ box. If you’re not paraplegic, or in a coma, you’re not disabled-enough for this system, ‘making work pay’, and all that, ‘we’ must be capable of something. (Side-smirk, because the ‘work related activity’ scheme in my area is run by Serco, do we think I’d suit a security-guard uniform?)

I spent 6 hours last weekend line-by-line picking through the ‘evidence’ DWP/ATOS might-intend to submit to the tribunal. I say ‘might’, because they’re asking the panel to dismiss my case unheard, SUPERB scare-tactic there. Some people would give up at that point, unfortunately for DWP, I’m not one of them. I say ‘evidence’ because most of the ATOS-end of it is speculation and opinion, there is literally no reference made to the medical evidence I submitted until now, when I’m effectively taking them to court. Process that, they’ve had a huge pile of medical evidence from me twice now, and they make no reference at all to it, focusing instead on my ability to ‘bend forward at the waist and reach mid-shin with both hands.’ The last nurse-practitioner that ‘assessed’ me has recorded results for a ‘test’ she didn’t do, and very-much ‘mis-recorded’ some of her other ‘informal observations.’ My functional memory fluctuates, but my stress/crisis recall is phenomenal, my A-level ‘General Studies’ exam paper had an article from a Spanish newspaper about foxes, the only question I couldn’t answer on my GCSE Maths paper was the spider-diagram one, when I was 11, my primary school teacher made the whole class copy from a reading book as a punishment. “A Dog So Small, by Phillipa Pearce. The tapping on the window woke him, fast asleep, and then wide awake, because of the tapping. Perhaps the pigeon always woke this early, he was usually tapping when the boys awoke. That was usually much later, with the smell of breakfast...” Put me under ‘test conditions’, or in a stressful/crisis situation, and my recall will be utterly flawless, I’m buggered if I can remember what I went into Tesco for, though.

My ridiculous memory aside, I have nearly 5000 words of annotation/points of contention with the ATOS/DWP evidence/reports, it’s possible that I’ve typed more words than the ‘assessors’ and ‘decision makers’, AND all of mine are spelled properly, even the really big ones. (Irritability, classic symptom of frontal lobe brain injuries, I get the “Can’t people READ/WRITE?” anger very frequently.) A couple of pages in, the boss decision-maker has recorded “has mental health issues” before even mentioning the brain injuries. I’ll leave out the side-rage at the lower-level decision-maker recording “she is not depression.” on another page, no, dear I’m not depression, but I am about to make your life less pleasant. 

“Has mental health issues.” is what triggered this pile of waffle, that, and REALLY not wanting to start the PIES-table thing. ‘Has mental health issues’ is what ATOS/DWP will likely use as their ‘get out of jail’ card, because when someone has mental health issues, the go-to option is medication, whack enough Prozac in us, and we eventually stop complaining about stuff, don’t we? Do I have ‘mental health issues’? Probably. Do I have any active diagnosis of a mental health condition requiring medication? No. I don’t know if they’re referring to my PTSD, or speculating based on my presentation at assessment. If they try to suggest that I am suffering from depression, I have medical evidence from two different doctors that I’m not, and the idiot who typed ‘is not depression’ onto the forms has undermined that ‘argument’ before it starts.

I was relatively functional within the parameters of my PTSD, actually, no, I was hyper-functional in many areas, which is why I was so very good at some parts of a career I no longer have. That hyper-functionality is hard-wired, but my brain is now re-wired, there are tangles of wires sealing up two aneurysms, and a third one just sitting there lurking in a ‘risky’ position on my Choroidal artery, if that one blows, it’s ‘Goodnight, Vienna.’ I’m still incredibly high-functioning, but only for part of the day, my brain effectively does a whole day’s work by lunch-time, because I over-process everything, I can’t ‘not’ do that. The over-processing causes my evidenced-damaged brain to tire more easily than a fully functioning one, by late afternoon, I can feel the fogginess starting to creep in, and I’m next-to-useless in the evening. My long-suffering son has observed his highly intelligent, incredibly articulate mother descend into cognitive fatigue, and sit in this armchair dribbling like an imbecile, and falling asleep. That’s our ‘normal’ now, when he’s back from university, and it shouldn’t have to be, I can’t imagine how traumatic it must be for him watching me ‘slip’ every evening, after being in the ambulance with me while the haemorrhage and hydrocephalus were crushing my brain. 

In a weird way, the PTSD over-processing has probably kept me alive. I’m constantly assessing for threats and risks. Constantly. It’s not as linear-simple as applying the cause-trauma to everyday situations, ‘that’ is never going to happen again, for reasons I’m not going to explain here. Constantly, and everything, it was exhausting enough before the additional layer of trauma added by the near miss with the chap with the scythe. CBT won’t unpick it, because if I don’t-assess everything I potentially place myself or others at risk of harm. EMDR can’t do anything to ‘desensitise’ my threat-perception that I haven’t already done myself. The doctors have never found a combination of drugs that balanced me properly, the hyper-vigilance is just a ‘thing’, background noise that was bearable before my brain injuries, it’s exhausting ‘now’, but threat-checking keeps me safe. (I will EXPLODE if DWP/ATOS try to label it ‘generalised anxiety.’)

If they’re not going with the PTSD (funnily enough, I don’t actually have a formal diagnosis, I slipped the term to my GP once, and he agreed, it just sort of ‘stuck’ after that.) it might be the ‘Depression?’ recorded on my initial discharge-notes from hospital after the haemorrhage. (Very irritable face, it’s the same as all of my other faces, you learn how to poker-face quite quickly when you realise that your first impulse on just about anything could land you with a criminal record.) When I was admitted to hospital, the medics asked the ex about my previous medical history, I imagine the kid might have replied “Have you looked in your sock drawer?” if his mother hadn’t been dying in front of him. The ex was useless on anything that wasn’t motorbikes, 1980s synthesiser music, or asking for more toast, the sock-drawer was a running joke between the kid and I, due to the number of times the ex would stand on the upstairs landing, and shout downstairs “Have I got any clean socks?” instead of looking in the bastard sock-drawer. Sock-rage, I haven’t had to deal with that for a very long time, there was some sort of force-field around the laundry basket, meaning he couldn’t put ANYTHING in it. All of his clothes, whether they were the clean ones I’d folded and put on his side of the bed, to encourage him to put them away himself, and stop asking me “Have you seen my Kraftwerk T-shirt?”, or the absolutely minging-filthy work clothes he’d wear for weeks on end, ended up on the floor at his side of the bed. The socks were even worse, he’d come home from work, take his socks off, and leave them in the living room. I stopped collecting them after a while, because I had enough ‘else’ to do without picking up after a grown man. Sock-rant over, the ex told the medic “I think she’s got depression, but I don’t know if she’s on anything for it.” If they’d asked him about motorbikes, or what order to put fillings in sandwiches, he’d have known that. 

So, ‘Depression?’ is recorded on my discharge-notes. I REALLY upset the nurse who’d recorded it, in a twist of fate, she was my assigned nurse after the second round of surgery. I was mad at the ex, I wasn’t angry with her, but, at the shift-handover she described me as ‘strange, controlling and manipulative.’ I’m not manipulative, am I?  

I probably ‘should’ be depressed, but my medical notes state I’m not, so, what have I ‘got’? (I’m putting that in quotation marks because it was the ex’s retarded terminology, a person may ‘have’, or ‘suffer from’ depression, they haven’t ‘got’ it.) What I have is a combination of brain injuries, and some maladaptive coping mechanisms. I have ‘had’ historical mental health issues, and I’m awaiting a neuro-psych assessment to see which diagnostic criteria I fit this time. I have multiple traits consistent with Autism, but I’d always assumed they were due to the traumatic/developmental/attachment issues, rather than an organic cause. Thinking back of myself as a child, yes, I would have ticked most of the boxes for an AS diagnosis. I have traits consistent with Oppositional Defiant  Disorder, which is a relatively new addition to the DSM-5, but sits neatly around my tendencies to generally be a Terrible Bastard. My sick-notes were all generic ‘stress related disorder’, because we don’t say ‘nervous breakdown’ any more. Elements of my disability fit the profiles for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia, two of my nieces have disability-awards for fatigue, and they don’t have chunks of metal in their brains. I’m not neurotic, or a hypochondriac, which is a good thing, because the veritable telephone-directory of side-effects from brain trauma would have a ‘worrier’ setting up camp in A&E, there hasn’t been a single day since February 2015 where I haven’t been dealing with one side-issue or another. I probably ‘should’ be more anxious about my health than I am, but that way lies ruin, I assess myself every day, and ‘work with the tools I have’. 

Enough of this now, or I’ll use up all of my functional eye-time, and end up having an argument with myself about doing the impact statement ‘tomorrow.’ The PIP system is very flawed, it’s not in the least bit fit-for-purpose, and I need to ensure that my evidence is reasoned, accountable, and coherent. I am a very complex case, but my ability to articulate that is working against me, because the system ‘sees’ me when I’m lucid, not when I’m trying to put both of my socks on the same foot, or finding a meal from several days ago in the microwave. Throw into the equation that Universal Credit is also fundamentally flawed, and it’s fairly obvious why I’m having more wobbly/off days recently. My work-coach has cut me down to 10 hours per week of actively seeking employment, because she’s seen my health deteriorate during this PIP process. That’s all well and good, but I’m on a knife-edge financially, if, despite her doing what she can to reduce my ‘claimant commitment’, the computer system decides to invite me to apply for an unsuitable job, I’m at risk of sanctions. Poverty-porn, I have no heating, I’m sitting here in four jumpers, shopping once a fortnight, and eating once a day. I’m not asking for champagne and caviar, I’m asking for a disability benefit that would allow me to work part-time, because I’m not fully functional full-time.

What do I have? A pile of horrible paperwork, an unreliable advocate, and unemployment benefit that doesn’t cover my basic outgoings. What am I? I’m tenacious, resilient, determined, intelligent, articulate, reasoned, accountable, honest, and bloody exhausted from jumping through DWP’s various hoops.