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skelswritingcorner · 3 months

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A Question, A Scar-Covered Body, A Sister?

Part 2 of A Stranger, A Vessel, An Experiment! Read the first part here.

Synopsis: After the incident on the Lost Light, First Aid brings Ailith (canon name of reader characters) to her original destination of the clinic.. However, there was a gift waiting for her when they arrived. Angst galore.

She/Her pronouns are now used when referring to the reader character.

Word Count: 5K

Warnings: SFW, Mentions of blood, mentioned kidnapping, mentions of unethical experimentation, probably some other stuff

(Edit: I forgot to turn some layers back on when I originally saved the image oop- It's fixed now)

Before the story…

It was a broadcast from Earth, of an interview with a black-haired woman. “Miss Makayla MacArthur,” the interviewer asked, “what motivated you to join the Intergalactic Negotiations Program?”

Makayla sighed, “Twenty something years ago, my twin got abducted. They were alien creatures, and they took her. I strongly believe that she’s still alive out there. This is the best opportunity I have to find her.”

The interviewer’s face softened, “I’m sorry that happened to you, Makayla. What will you do when you find her?”

“It depends. Will we realize that we’re sisters when we meet? I’ll try to bring her back to Earth, even if it’s for a brief moment. She doesn’t know about our niece! A family reunion would be in order. We’ll have so much to catch up on.” She put her hands in a steeple.

“Do you have something you plan on giving her?”

“Well…” Makayla sighed, “I plan on giving her a box and a letter. I won’t refer to her by name though.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, it’s been twenty years! I don’t think my sister remembers it, so I don’t want to call her something she won’t recognize.”

The interviewer leaned forward, “What else will be in the box?”

Makayla started counting on her fingers, “A few photos, and clothes. We’re identical twins, so what fits me is probably gonna fit her.”

The interview went on for another twenty minutes, and eventually concluded. The blue-visored Cybertronian finished recording the interview. He had a feeling that this could be relevant.

✩✩✩

“So,” Ultra Magnus looked at Rodimus, “the small object was in fact, a ship. Is that correct?”

Rodimus nodded, “And it had a human inside it, who is currently in the medbay recovering from her injuries.”

“Along with that,” he scrolled through the datapad, “there were documents about experiments, most likely performed on her. Ratchet did a scan that confirmed this as well, along with other various injuries.”

Rodimus gave the datapad to Magnus, who looked at the report. He tilted his helm. “What’s with this thing slightly above the pelvis?” He pointed a digit at a white shape around the pelvic area, overlapped by a crescent-shaped trauma area.

“Beats me. I’m pretty confident that it’s deep inside her.” Rodimus shrugged.

“Maybe there’s another document we haven’t gotten yet explaining it. Hidden in a more obscure place.”

“That’s probably the case. Anyway,” Rodimus stood up, “I’m gonna go ask Ratchet about Y/N’s condition. If Megatron is confused, explain the situation if he hasn’t gotten one yet. Also, inform the others on Cybertron.” He didn’t wait for an answer, simply leaving the office and walking to the medbay.

The doors to the medbay opened, and Rodimus saw a familiar gray figure.

“Megatron?!”

✩✩✩

When you woke up, the helms of several people were looking down at you. One you recognized as Perceptor, another being Drift, but there were a few unfamiliar faces. One had an orange face with yellow eyes with a mask covering his mouth, another that was white and purple and had horns coming from their forehead, a blue one with a single yellow optic, and a gray one with red optics.

“So this is the human you all have been speaking of?” The gray one asked.

“How in Primus are they so small?!” The blue one asked. Loudly. Making you get up and give them a stink eye, even if it caused you a bit of pain.

A chuckle to your left distracts you, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to crowd around someone that’s injured.”

The blue one rolled his eye, “Whatever you say, eyebrows.”

The doors opened, and someone entered the medbay.

“Megatron?!” Rodimus yelled.

Oh. You know that name. Other mercenaries have warned you about a giant robot with that name. If you caught his eye, you were doomed. After all, the group he led destroyed the homelands of several mercenaries you knew.

“Perceptor explained everything to me,” Megatron said, “I just had to see for myself. Humans usually aren’t present in this solar system.”

“Well,” you cracked your knuckles, “I haven’t seen any humans other than myself during my travels. Also, most of the people who hire me don’t know either. I like to keep my identity… well-hidden from the masses. I barely know who I am anyway, so it’s easy to do that.”

“You don’t even know yourself?” Ah, the purple one is speaking now.

“It’s hyperbole, but technically true,” you rolled up the sleeve of your left arm, “I don’t know my family, my ancestry, or any way to return to my birth planet. All I know is that I was experimented on to be sold as a smuggler. That, and the skills I acquired after years of being a mercenary.”

The purple one put a clawed servo on his chin. “Tailgate told me as such.”

Rodimus walked up to you. “How did you even end up like that, anyway? The injuries, not the… subspace thingies.”

You sighed. Might as well explain it now. “It was when I was doing a job,” you explained, “I got myself hurt pretty badly, but my client didn’t get a scratch. They tried to have me go to a clinic nearby after the job was done, but I told them that I’d be alright.”

“Why did you do that, though?” Drift’s optical ridge furrowed, “Your client knew you got hurt, why didn’t you heed their advice?”

“The moment I receive my payments in full, the contract ends. They are no longer my client, and therefore no longer obligated to show concern about my wellbeing.” you growled out the last part.

“You should’ve listened to them, though.” You sighed at that comment.

“As I said earlier, I was experimented on,” you justified yourself, “if I went to another clinic, they’d essentially keep me captive and do a bunch of tests on me. That, and I don’t know if any of them are connected to the experiments and will try to bring me back to that wretched place. And I’d rather not have to deal with them again.”

“Why do you go to one specific clinic, then?” The purple one asked.

“Cyclonus, I think that might be too-” you cut off Drift from saying anything more.

“It’s because the sister of the mercenary who took me in works there. The people there were the first to treat me with empathy, despite me being so difficult to them the first time. All the other clinics I’ve been to, they’ve been too scared of me and think I’ll mangle them.”

They’re all looking at you.

The blue one laughed, “You, scary? You’re not scary at all!”

“I think that’s when she’s wearing her mask and cloak, Whirl.” Drift said. You nodded, confirming his guess.

“Anyway,” Rodimus ordered, “let’s give the human some privacy. Perceptor, Brainstorm, you both plan on asking her about the documents that have been translated, right?”

“Correct.”

“I’ll leave you two to it then.” Rodimus left the medbay, followed by most of the others. Perceptor and the one with the yellow eyes stayed. That must be Brainstorm.

Perceptor took out a datapad, looking over at some data. “I’ve looked through all of the documents, along with Ratchet’s scans of you. I’d like you to confirm some things.”

“Go ahead.” You gestured.

“According to these documents, you’re from Earth. Do you have any memories of that planet?”

You shook your head. No shit you didn’t remember anything, you were a year old! “Some species don’t have memories until they’re a few years old. I was taken at roughly eighteen months old, way too young to form memories.”

“That’s strange. We Cybertronians remember everything from when we were first created, excluding amnesia.”

Perceptor wrote something on the datapad before asking another question, “Were your eyes originally golden?”

“Nope. I’ve read those documents multiple times, my eyes were originally brown.”

“Isn’t gold also the color of the subspace openings on your body?”

Well, damn. “Yes? It was also the case for the other experiments.”

“Now, a third question. Do you know what this thing is?” Perceptor pointed to the intrusion shown on the datapad.

Right. That. The documents explaining it are in the subspace on your left arm as far as you recall. As it was inside your uterus, however, it’s something very few know about. And you’d rather not explain to a bunch of mechanical beings something you only know the basics of.

“I think that’s none of your business, Perceptor.” you crossed your arms. They likely don’t have ultrasounds on the Lost Light anyway, so it’ll be hard for them to find out.

The mech grumbled. “You’re making this difficult for yourself, Y/N.”

“Explain why you want to know what it is so bad then.” You stared directly into his optics, “Because it’s pretty fuckin personal. And don’t just say ‘I need to know for scientific reasons’ either. You better have a good justification.”

“Because it might be a dangerous object that could kill you, and may need to be removed.” Perceptor justified.

You scoffed. Based on the documents you stole, it just prevents fertility and menstruation until removed. Prevents uterine lining from building up. All the uterus-having subjects (or an organ with similar functions), including yourself, had it implanted once puberty was entered. So far, there’s been no complications.

“I’ve had it for twelve years and it hasn’t killed me yet.”

“How has it not-”

Laughter. You and Perceptor looked at the source: Brainstorm laughing his ass off.

He composed himself, “Sorry, sorry. It’s just the way you two are bickering. I’m confident that the object is medical in nature. It’s meant to prevent pregnancies, correct?”

Right on the money. “Surprised to hear you figured it out without cutting me open to check, but you are indeed correct.” you put your hands on your hips.

“So I am right!” Brainstorm smiled with his eyes. “Also, can you show us how the subspace works? Are you able to pull something out?”

Say no more. You put a hand in the subspace on your left arm, pulling out a mechanical object. Something you won after a bet.

“That’s… an optic. An actual optic. How did you get this?” Perceptor asked.

“I got it after winning a bet.” you replied.

“What kind of bet would lead you to owning a Cybertronian optic?”

“Drinking contest. I don’t know why they even placed the bet in the first place, it’s common knowledge that no matter how much I drink I physically can’t get drunk. I’ve tried several times.”

Brainstorm chuckled, “If you could even consume highgrade, Swerve would love you as a customer. It would be a good experiment if you could.”

“That would be one of the few experiments I’d consent to,” you chuckled, “once my injuries have finished recovering, that is.”

Oh. You just remembered. “I just realized that I should probably go to that clinic. I lost a good amount of blood, I might need a blood transfusion.” you grimaced.

“That makes sense. I believe Ratchet and First Aid were communicating with someone at the clinic you mentioned. You had the coordinates set on your ship’s navigator, correct?” You nodded at Perceptor’s question.

“It’s possible that holoforms may need to be used to get you there,” he commented, “I don’t know how large the facility is.”

“It’s pretty big, actually.” you replied, “I’m probably their smallest regular patient, which makes some things a bit difficult to do. Most rooms are about four times my height. I’m sure at least one of y’all can fit without feeling cramped.”

Well, at least the smaller ones. Probably First Aid.

“I’ll inform Ratchet, then.” Perceptor nodded, then left the medbay. Brainstorm quickly followed.

You’re gonna need a plan. Your main grappling hook was taken from you while you were asleep, and those two likely have it. You have spares, yes, but you’d rather have all of them in case one breaks. You also need to find where your ship is, as most of your supplies are still inside along with your spare clothes. What you’re wearing right now is bloody, and you’d like to wear something that is not covered in your own blood. The magnet boots should help when dealing with the Cybertronians and navigating the vessel.

Along with that, you need to figure out how to deal with them if any try to kill you. The blasters in the subspaces should work at least a little, but do you have any weapons that can give you an advantage? You have cable cutters, but that will only work if their cables are exposed. Can any of your blades cut through their armor? If you’re able to, you might need to see if any weapon dealers around these parts have anything that can give you the ability to fight them. Trying to sneak away for long enough to get them is another story entirely, though.

The door opened. Ratchet and First Aid walked in, with First Aid beelining to you. “We established a connection to the clinic!” he exclaimed, “When we told them about you and your injuries, they told us to bring you there as soon as we can. Also, apparently there’s something for you there? They said it’s best if they tell you about it when you arrive.”

“As long as you can get me to my ship so I can change out of these blood-covered clothes.” you said. It’s likely the best way for you to figure out where your ship went if they can bring you to it.

“The ship’s probably with Nautica, she wanted to check it out. I’ll escort you there.” First Aid picked you up with a delicate grip, likely to prevent accidentally hurting you. Given the strange condition of your body, however, you’re probably gonna end up dislocating a joint before he harms you.

Entering the room, you saw a purple and yellow Cybertronian. Most likely Nautica.

“Hey there! That must be the owner of this ship, right?” She reached a servo to you, “I’m Nautica. Nice to finally meet you!”

You couldn’t do a proper handshake with Nautica, so you just held her pointer finger and shook it.

“I’d like to enter my ship to get something. Is that alright with you?” you asked.

“Of course! I made sure to clean the blood where I could. Had to use my holoform to do that, though. Here, I’ll carry you to it.” she picked you up gently, transferring you to the entrance of your ship.

“Thank yo- ack!” you stumbled, quickly being caught by Nautica.

“Be careful!” she exclaimed.

First Aid grabbed you. You didn’t know how he got up to where you were so quickly, but before you knew it he was holding you up. “I’ll help Y/N. It’s probably a bad idea to let her be alone for a long period of time with her blood loss anyway.”

Oh, this might get uncomfortable fast. You were fine with First Aid seeing you all battered up and bloody, but the concept of him watching as you got changed made your stomach flip. And you’d rather not show your tits and bits to someone you’ve only known for a single solar cycle.

Before you could protest, though, he carried you to your ship. While he did put you down on your feet, he waited a bit before letting go. He even followed you to your quarters, where you hastily grabbed a crop top and a pair of pants. You’d grab a jacket after changing. When he tried to follow you into the bathroom, you put a hand over his chassis. “You’re not going in here. I don’t know how y’all view nudity, but for us we usually don’t do that around people we’ve only met for a day.”

“Oh!” First Aid backed up, “Sorry about that. Nurse instincts, I guess.”

You walked in, closing the door behind you. There’s no windows in the bathroom, so he couldn’t peek even if he tried. You knew he had innocent intentions, nothing perverted or anything, but you needed some time to yourself.

Quickly removing your blood-stained clothes, you ran some water and used a cloth to clean some dried blood off your body. After cleaning what you could, you put on the clean clothes. You’d usually not wear a crop top, but at this point you didn’t care. You had a jacket anyway.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, holding a hand over the stitches. Despite Ratchet being significantly bigger, the stitches were done expertly. You looked at all your old scars, and at the subspace entrances on your body. Never were a fan of looking at ‘em, it always reminded you of the fact that you’ve been mutilated. Not enough to be unrecognizable as a living being, but enough that people would stare if they knew. It’s why you covered yourself entirely. Strangers have no right to know what’s going on with your body after all, why should they look at it? Of course, you couldn’t do that with the ones on this vessel; they all know. Might as well not hide it.

Walking out the bathroom, First Aid was just standing there. At least he didn’t try anything, that was reassuring. You went back to where your jacket was, back turned to him.

“What’s that purple and blue thing on your back?” he asked. An innocent question.

Shit.

You always knew that you bruised easily, most likely a consequence of a condition you have but don’t know the actual name of, but you didn’t expect that the fall from yesterday would bruise you.

“It’s a bruise. I don’t know why, but it’s pretty easy for me to get bruised. It’s an organic thing, it takes a few days to heal. Don’t worry though, as long as I’m careful it won’t hurt.” you explained, putting on your jacket. “I’m ready now, let’s go to the clinic.”

First Aid picked you up, being mindful of your back. Nautica helped the both of you down, but not without making a comment about the fact that he was holding you.

“That worried? You’re holding her like she’s made of glass.” Nautica commented.

“Y/N’s still my patient, and is still recovering!” he countered, “Also, humans are way more fragile than Cybertronians! It makes sense to be careful!”

Oh, if he knew about how roughly you’ve been tossed around in fights. Or how roughly you’re often treated in general. In fact, being treated so softly was unfamiliar to you, but a welcome unfamiliarity. How they’re gonna freak out if they pop a limb out its socket if that happens will be priceless when it happens.

The both of you walked, well, technically just First Aid since he was carrying you, to a smaller ship docked in the vessel.

Why is Rodimus there?

“Hey, Captain!” First Aid greeted the orange mech, who was waiting by the smaller vessel.

“Yo! I wanted to get here before you two left. How’s Y/N’s condition?”

“The usual. I did experience some blood loss, so I might be at the clinic for a solar cycle or two. That, and I’d like this injury to be documented with them.” you replied.

“Also, there’s a nasty blue and purple spot on her back that she says is fine but I’m not sure if it is.” First Aid added. If you could, you would’ve covered his mouth. You couldn’t though, so you gave him a stink eye. Fucking snitch.

Rodimus took a bit to reply, “Oh. I’m neither a medic nor an expert on humans, so I’m not going to try reassuring you.”

“Aaaaanyway,” Rodimus started walking away, “Mags needs me for a meeting since Y/N is probably going to have not much choice in staying on the Lost Light with those injuries. Something something ‘We need to inform the officials on Cybertron about the organic on the ship.’ See you two later!”

You looked up at First Aid, “Who’s Mags?”

“Ultra Magnus. He was the one who noticed your ship and the blood coming out of it, surprisingly. Best not to call him Mags though, something about shortening a senior officer’s name being an offense.”

You understood that. A lot of people in important positions don’t like having nicknames, likely because it makes them appear less threatening if they accept a nickname. It’s something you’ve weaponized when doing non-bodyguard work, but the people here don’t need to know that.

When you and First Aid entered the ship, the coordinates were already set. First Aid placed you near the navigator, making sure that you wouldn’t fall.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Luckily, the ride was rather smooth and quiet. Neither of you said anything until the vessel docked.

“We’re here, I’ll carry you to the entrance.” First Aid picked you up, and carried you there.

✩✩✩

“Welcome! What’s the purpose of your- Y/N?!” the receptionist jumped up from her seat, walking up to the both of you.

“What happened? Why are you being held by a Cybertronian?!”

“Y/N was injured badly, a spike impaled her, a cut on her back, and what I think is a bullet hole in her right cadulen.” First Aid explained. “We didn’t know that her ship was the one sending an emergency signal at first. We patched her up as best we could, but she mentioned needing a blood transfusion since she lost a good amount of blood.”

The explanation eased the receptionist. “That’s good. I’m glad that she’s alright. I’ll inform the doctors right away.”

Using her communicator, she informed the doctors on call. After a minute, an all familiar face walked up.

She was a being with four yellow eyes and light red skin, with tendrils coming from her skull neatly tied behind her. Relatively human, but still noticeably not. This is the one person who you consider family right now; Doctor Daule. You call her Aunt Daule, however.

One set of arms held a datapad, with the other set crossed in front of her. She had to look up to see you.

“Eirii told me. Are you able to walk?” she asked.

“Oh! Sorry,” First Aid set you down, making sure that you could stand before letting you go, “She stumbled some time ago, so I thought it was best if I carried her. I’m also a little uneasy about transferring my patient.”

“Don’t worry,” Daule smiled, “I’ve known Y/N for years. You can trust her with me. Besides, a group of humans just came by last solar cycle. I took a DNA sample from one that looks a lot like her, and she gave me something to give to Y/N.”

Wait, someone that looks a lot like you? You’ll have to ask later. Aunt Daule supported you with her right arms. “You’re also a medical professional, correct? You can come with me, I have some questions for you.”

First Aid followed the both of you. Aunt Daule walked you into a room where the IV was just finished being prepared, setting you down on the bed. As a nurse prepared your arm for the IV, you asked a few questions.

“You said someone that looked like me was here, right? Do you know their name?” you asked.

“She said her name’s Makayla.” Daule answered.

“Is she still here?”

Daule shook her head, “No, she left the same day she came. Makes sense though, she had to bring her injured colleague to us. She wanted to stay in case you came by, but her Captain needed her somewhere else.”

Oh. Guess reuniting with family needs to wait.

“You mentioned getting her DNA, is there a match? Do you need another saliva sample? I haven’t eaten anything in the past solar cycle, so I should be fine on that.”

“It matched pretty quickly, said there was almost no genetic deviations between either of you too. Anyway,” she walked over to pat you on the head, “I’m going to talk with him for a bit,” she gestured to First Aid, “the nurses will check you out. I’ll be back soon.”

They both left, leaving you with the whir of machines and the feeling of lightheadedness slowly leaving your body as the blood dripped into you.

✩✩✩

The two walked into an office. Daule sat down in the chair. “We should introduce ourselves. I’m Dr. Daule, I mostly take care of the smaller species at this facility. I was also Y/N’s caretaker for some time.”

First Aid nodded, “I’m First Aid. Currently stationed on the Lost Light as the Chief Medical Officer-in-training.”

“You’re a medic, that’s good. That means some of these concepts should be somewhat familiar to you. But first,” she put her top hands in a steeple, “how did you end up finding her? From my knowledge, Cybertronians are not only rare around these parts, but also one of the largest species in the universe.”

“We noticed an emergency signal coming from a vessel, and one of the people captured what turned out to be her ship and put it somewhere. Eventually, the second in command noticed that the entrance was open and that there was a blood trail leading out. I was with the CMO preparing the medbay. We were able to take care of her, but as I’m not that familiar with organic biology, I had a feeling that it would be best to bring her to people who can actually treat her.” First Aid answered.

“I’m glad that you found her and did all you could. In fact, I think it might be best if she stays with you until she’s fully healed.”

The mech stalled, “Why do you say that? It’s likely best if she stays here, right?”

“Well,” Dr. Daule grimaced, “there’s been a recent incident that’s making our clinic a little bit packed. Y/N doesn’t need to be here for too long, probably just a cycle or two then have her return to get the stitches out in fourteen cycles. Besides, she needs to socialize more.”

“Oh! That makes sense. Just give me the care instructions, I’ll inform everyone once I get back on the ship. It’s best if we all know so we can prevent Y/N from being reckless.” First Aid nodded.

“Once the nurses come back and tell me what’s going on, I’ll write a care plan. Make sure she doesn’t do anything strenuous, the stitches might break." She said, “Also, there was no dressing on the stitches, so we’re going to add some. I’d rather not have the stitches redone if possible, they’ve been done rather well.”

“Anyway,” Dr. Daule got up and walked to the door after grabbing a box, “I’m going to check on her. This is what her sister asked me to give her. Follow me.”

✩✩✩

The nurses did plenty of checks on you, along with putting dressing on the stitches. After some time, Aunt Daule and First Aid returned. There was a blue box held in her lower arms.

“What’s with the box?” you asked.

Aunt Daule brought the box to you. “Your sister brought this to us. Said this was for you, in case you were alive. I know it feels weird to get something from someone you haven’t known since infancy, but try not to think about it too much, Y/N.”

You opened the box, opening the letter. It was in the language the planet you were raised on spoke.

My dear sister,

How long has it been since you were taken from home? Twenty years? We couldn’t even hold our heads up back then, and now it’s possible for us to meet again at a bar and drink together. I miss you so much and I’ve known you for so little. It’s ironic in a way; identical twins who won’t even recognize each other. You’ve shaped my life in so many ways. Even as you were declared dead, I never stopped searching for you. I’d look up at the night sky and wave, imagining you waving back at me. I went into astronomy, learned all I could about the world beyond Earth, with the thought of meeting you again.

I joined a space exploration program for the possibility of seeing you again. I knew you were somewhere out there. If you’re reading this, then I was right all along.

I know the possibility of you being alive is slim, but if you are, I’d like you to have these. The clothes you have might look weird on Earth, right? I bought some and washed them for you. I don’t know what style you like, so I mostly went with simple solid-colored stuff. Mostly black. I feel like you’d like black.

On the back of this letter are some coordinates and addresses. These are the places mom, dad, and I live. And our big sister too! I can’t wait for you to meet our niece. When we meet again, tell me your name, okay? I want to address you properly.

Your long-lost twin,

Makayla MacArthur

P.S. We have a weird gene that makes it so we can’t get drunk no matter how much alcohol we drink. You might’ve figured that out already, though.

Opening the box, the first thing you saw was a picture of a little girl next to two swaddled-up infants. The girl had black hair and brown eyes. Two pieces of paper had names, and the one on the right simply said ‘When you tell us your name again.’

It was you. You and your sisters. Another photo, far more recent, was of an older woman holding a child. The note on that said, ‘It’s our niece! Hope you don’t mind Chloe using your old name for her middle name.’

There was a third picture, with who you believe is Makayla, in a night blue uniform. She looks almost exactly like you, without all the experiments and scars. Brown eyes instead of your golden colored irises.

You thought you were a lost cause. That nobody would be looking for you on Earth. Oh, Makayla, how she proved you so, so wrong.

MacArthur. MacArthur. Y/N MacArthur. It’s going to take getting used to having a family name. An identity beyond being an experiment.

“Also, apparently the elasticity of your skin and flexibility isn’t normal for humans. According to your sister, it’s because of a condition called Ehler-Danlos Syndrome. I’ll explain some of the other things she explained once your scars are healed.” Daule added. “I’ll write up a care plan for you. You’ll be staying on the vessel that found you until you’re fully recovered.”

Honestly? You’re fine with that. The people on the Lost Light have all been kind to you so far, especially First Aid. Kinder than most people from the planet you’ve lived on for your whole life, despite knowing nothing about you.

“That’s fine with me.”

“Well then. Rest up, you’re gonna need it Y/N.”

#transformers x reader #first contact au #mercenary!reader #transformers first contact au #transformers perceptor #transformers ultra magnus #transformers drift #transformers first aid #transformers nautica #transformers brainstorm #transformers megatron #transformers g/t #giant/tiny

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morporkian-cryptid · 6 months

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On gender, confusion, and labels

I want to talk about my experience of gender, because it’s been a long and complicated journey and I’m finally at a point where I’m not having an identity crisis every six months. I haven’t seen many people with a similar experience in my years on the Trans Website and I kinda wish I had people tell me this earlier. This is not meant to be catch-all advice for all gender-confused folks, just my own story; if others can resonate with it and feel a little less lost, then I’ll be happy.

(This is gonna be pretty long, be warned)

I experience little to no dysphoria, and that’s probably why it’s taken me so long to accept that I’m not cis. What tipped me off to the whole Gender Situation was mostly the euphoria of being perceived as a masculine woman, or mistaken for a guy.

I came out as genderfluid years ago, to about two persons. Six months and a lot of thinking later, I went back on it because it turned out it was just a phase.

Well, not a phase, more like a cycle. After that, I kept deeply questioning my gender every six to twelve months. Most of the time I’d feel like a woman (albeit without any clear idea of what “being a woman” actually meant), and every now and then I’d get clear flashes of “I’m something else” feelig and start to question my entire identity for a couple months; then go back to “nah actually I’m cis”. Rinse and repeat.

I kept cutting my hair increasingly short, event went as far as a buzzcut. I rarely wear makeup. I like when people mistake me for a boy or are confused about my gender.

Every year or so, I found myself looking at binders. Every year I flaked out. At some point I bought compression bras but barely wore them because they were uncomfortable. I like my chest in and of itself, but sometimes I don’t like the way it looks with dresses or frilly tops – I like my chest but I don’t want it to be perceived. (I did buy a binder eventually, for the few days when I want my chest gone. I don’t wear it a lot, but I’m happy to have the choice.)

For a while I played with using different pronouns; I asked my friends to call me he or they for a few days, or I’d introduce myself with those pronouns in talking groups. But most of the time I went back to “she” like an old comforting jumper.

I even changed my name for about six months, then went back to my birth name. That was a very difficult time. I didn’t want to change my name. I like my birth name a lot. What happened was, Elliott Page came out, and I heard the name Elliott and my brain kinda went, “huh I like that name, it fits, I kinda like being a girl named Elliott”; and then it was like an itch that wouldn’t go away unless I scratched it. The weight of that decision scared me. It wasn’t like pronouns or a haircut: a name is what I present myself to the world with, and I was terrified of changing such a big thing about me.

My friends were very supportive, and switched without problem. I was lucky enough to move abroad for a six-month exchange program right when that identity crisis happened, so I got the very rare occasion to introduce myself as Elliott to people who didn’t know me at all, and whom I wouldn’t see anymore after six months. My flatmates were great and called me Elliott without question.

Six months later, the name stopped fitting. I don’t know how to describe it, but it just didn’t feel like me anymore, so I went back to my birth name, and all my friends were chill with that. (I still use Elliott as a pseudonym online.)

The reason the early years of questioning my gender were really complicated, is because for a lot of my life I’ve been really into labels. I wanted to understand things and put them in neat little boxes; and my identity was no different. If I’m not a woman then I must be trans. But I feel like a woman 75% of the time. Can I call myself trans if I identify with my AGAB most of the time? Do I actually identify as a woman, though? Or am I okay with being perceived as one? What does “feeling like a woman” even mean? Technically, by definition I must be genderfluid, which means I’m trans, but that’s a word that doesn’t feel like it applies to me. I can’t be part-time trans. But I’m not exactly cis either. Then what the fuck am I??

I wanted a word to put on my identity, because if I didn’t have one then I didn’t know what I was, and that was really difficult to live with.

It took me years to shed that need for a label, and to get to the point I am at today. Today I see my gender as feelings rather than identity. My gender is too big and complicated to neatly fit into a word, or even ten. My gender is the way I dress, the way I talk, the emotions when I am called miss or sir, the feeling when I look at myself in the mirror after a fresh haircut. It’s a hundred interconnected tidbits that all shift day to day.

The best way I’ve found to describe my experience of gender, is this:

I am not a woman

I am fine with being perceived as a woman

I do not want to be perceived as feminine

These are the three things I’m certain of right now (and they might change later! And that’s okay!), and my day-to-day gender presentation hinges around them. I no longer try to look inside myself and ask “What is my Gender?”, because I’ve never found a straight (ha!) answer, and that’s only ever brought me anguish. What I do now, is look in the mirror and ask myself “Do I like this outfit?”, look at a sentence I wrote and ask myself “Do I like these pronouns?”. I’ve kind of applied the Marie Kondo method to my gender: does this spark joy? Then I’m doing it. In this text I’m sending to my friend, does calling myself “handsome” spark joy? Then I’m calling myself “handsome”. Does wearing a binder under this dress spark joy? Then binder it is. If I want to try out a new name, I can tell my friends and they’ll try it out with me, and if it turns out I don’t like it, I can always ask them to go back to the old one. The gender feelings I’m feeling right now are as real as the ones I felt yesterday or the ones I’ll feel tomorrow, they’re as important and I am allowed to indulge in them.

With labels, I do sort of the same thing, although I’m not quite there yet. The best word I’ve found to describe myself is genderqueer, because it’s vague enough to not imprison me inside a box. Sometimes I’ll say I’m non-binary if that’s relevant to the context of the discussion. I still don’t actively describe myself as trans, because the vastness of that word and the experiences it comes with is still a bit scary for me – but I don’t forbid myself anymore from taking part in things labelled as “trans”, like talking groups, pride events, Tumblr posts and Discord servers. Even if I don’t identify with the word, I identify with many of the experiences, and I do technically fall under the definition of transgender. I’m allowed to be part of that community, even if I kinda just lurk around the doorstep. Maybe one day I’ll be comfortable enough to actually come in, and proudly call myself transgender.

I have been sort of toying with the idea of maybe one day going on T. If I had had that idea a few years earlier, I would have freaked out and had another identity crisis over it, like I did with the name change. As things are right now, I’m just sort of considering the idea and giving myself time to think about it, do research, try alternative ways to change my body first. There’s no rush at all. I know now that my perception of my own gender varies over time, and that I can take years to get comfortable with aspects of my identity or presentation. I can take my time; I can go on T in a few years when I’m certain, or I can decide I don’t want that. I don’t have to make a big decision now.

Seeing transition this way is incredibly freeing.

I’m very lucky to experience minimal gender dysphoria, but because of that, I conflated “being okay with people perceiving me as a woman” with “actually being a woman”. I mostly use she/her and my feminine birth name, not because they describe my gender (they very much don’t), but because they’re comfortable. It’s like I’m goth but I don’t find goth clothes comfortable, and displaying my identity as goth isn’t worth the discomfort of wearing itchy clothes. So I prefer to wear this old sweater that’s super comfy even if it doesn’t reflect my tastes, and stick a couple of skull pins on it so other goths know I’m actually one of them. Just because the sweater isn’t goth doesn’t mean I’m not goth inside. Just because I go by she/her and a feminine name doesn’t mean I’m not non-binary inside. Explaining my actual gender to the people around me isn’t worth the hassle, misunderstanding and possible debates about my identity; the people who understand know, and the others don’t, whatever.

(TL;DR) So, yeah. This is a lot of text to really just say, if finding a word for your gender hurts, don’t try to find a word. Focus on the experiences, do what makes you happy, gender-wise. Labels can be helpful, but if they’re not, you are not obligated to use one. Gender is incredibly complex and cannot be easily summarized by words. At the end of the day, what’s important is your feelings, and trying to make them good feelings.

#i hope this can help someone feel less lost than i used to feel #this is deeply personal but thankfully i'm now at a point in my life where exploring my gender doesn't hurt anymore #so i can be open about it #i never really came out as genderqueer because all my friends were involved in my journey there #so they knew all along there was a Gender Situation going on so an Official Coming Out was pointless #also the whole 'my gender is a fucking yoyo' thing discouraged me from making an Official Coming Out that i might scrap after a few months #i'm queer. my gender is queer. that's all i'm able to say about it and that's all people need to know #personal #long post #gender #gender stuff #genderqueer #non-binary #nonbinary #genderfluid #lgbt #lgbt+#lgbtq

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jungk0oksthighs · 2 years

Text

Over The Odds | Outside

Pairing - jungkook x reader

Genre - angst, smut, fluff, S2L, ceo!jungkook, sugardaddy!jungkook

Word count - 1.4k

Drabble 9 - You run into a familiar face at the supermarket

warnings: swearing, self-loathing

FULL SERIES COLLECTION

Jungkook: I need to see you

Jungkook: Please talk to me Y/N

Jungkook: I’m so sorry that this has happened

Jungkook: You moved out of you apartment?

Jungkook: Where are you? Please call me

Jungkook: I miss you

You haven’t seen Jungkook for two weeks now, you’ve been sleeping in Jimin’s bed every night crying yourself to sleep as you scroll through the endless sea of articles and posts about the video leak. Jimin’s tried to put you on a phone ban, he thinks that torturing yourself the way you are is unhealthy and is only making things worse. He’s not wrong, you know you shouldn’t be Googling yourself every hour and reading each and every post that pops up but for whatever reason you can’t help it.

According to one of the many articles you’ve read Jungkook’s legal team are working tirelessly to find the source of the leak and have managed to get the original video taken down – of course people have saved and shared it on numerous websites by now, it’s still out there and probably always will be. You figure you can’t hide underneath Jimin’s bedsheets forever and that’s what’s lead you here, the local supermarket, at almost nine pm, even if you are wearing a black cap and face mask to try and conceal your identity from the public.

You’re standing in the queue with a basket full of snacks and a box of tampons when a familiar voice drags you from your thoughts, as well as a large palm resting on your shoulder.

“Y/N?” His voice is quiet and surprised.

Turning round you sigh with relief as soon as you register that you know this person, and that it’s not Jungkook. “Hey Taehyung.” You offer a small smile, though it can’t be seen through the fabric of your face covering.

“What are-, where have you-,” Taehyung’s tripping over his words, he’s holding two protein shakes and a few bars, you figure he’s just left the gym judging from his damp grey workout clothes, “How are you?” He asks with genuine concern, his big brown eyes swimming in sympathy.

“Fine.” Is the only word you manage to choke out, “How did you know it was me?”

“I recognised your bag.”

Note to self, change bag.

“Ah.” You nod as you move further down the checkout line, “Makes sense.”

There’s a brief pause while Taehyung internally battles with what to say, eventually going with, “He didn’t leak the video Y/N, his camera was stolen.”

“Not now Tae, I don’t wanna talk about this.” You’re putting your snacks and feminine products onto the conveyer belt, trying your god damn hardest not to crumble in front of his best friend.

“Don’t worry I’ll get those,” Taehyung adds his shopping to your pile and steps in front of you, red credit card in hand. “I don’t know if you know this but I got the original video taken down, the police are currently trying to trace the IP address it came from.”

“Thanks.” You mumble, feeling guilty for acting this way with him when he’s being nothing but nice to you. He’s a good person and whether you want to admit it or not you’ve missed his company, “How have you been?”

“Tired, but I’m okay,” Tae smiles reassuringly before his face drops, “He’s in a bad way though… He misses you.”

“So he keeps telling me.”

“You’ve spoken to him?” A flicker of hope brightens Taehyung’s features.

“No, he keeps texting and calling me but… I don’t want to talk to him.” And you mean that, the last time you saw him you were screaming at him for leaking the video – something everybody but you is adamant he didn’t do.

At this his best friend nods slowly, “Why haven’t you blocked his number then?”

“I-,” You open your mouth to speak but no words come out, why haven’t you blocked his number? You’re frowning, visibly confused, “I-, I don’t know.”

“Y/N…” Taehyung’s usually sharp features soften, “I promise you he didn’t do this.”

You sigh, tears beginning to cloud your vision, “If he didn’t then who did?”

“I’m working on it.”

“—Do you guys need a bag?” The male cashier asks lazily, presumably sick of his retail job, he’s looking between you waiting for an answer when suddenly a realisation dawns on him, “Holy shit, you’re that girl! The girl on the video!”

“Mhm.” You uncomfortably shift in place.

“Oh. So not only do you have a dead-end job that barely pays your rent but you’re a pervert as well!” Taehyung’s voice is loud, loud enough for you to freeze on the spot. He’s usually such a bubbly personality, you’ve never heard him call anybody out like this. “Fucking asshole. Who gave you the right to—"

“Taehyung it’s fine.”

“Nah it’s not fine Y/N,” Tae waves off you words as he chuckles humourlessly to himself, the young man staring at him with wide eyes, “You’re lucky there’s a security camera up there.” He points to the ceiling.

“Can we have a bag?” You cut Taehyung’s threat short, dumbfounded that he’s even making threats in the first place.

“Yeah, uh-, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just well, yknow you’re famous. I’m sorry.”

“Just scan our shit and stop talking.” Tae bites, aggressively throwing everything into the bag once he’s begrudgingly paid for it, “I’m so sorry Y/N, I should go back and take that guys jaw for a walk.” He says to you as you both walk out of the supermarket, he’s swinging the bag of snacks with each step, only to be seen by two camera men who are waiting outside.

“Y/N! Y/N over here! Any comments on the leak?”

“Can you confirm if yours and Jungkook’s relationship was a façade?”

“Y/N any plans to release any more adult content? You’ve got a lot of fans!”

“Where’s Jungkook?”

You pull your cap further down your face in a final attempt to conceal your teary eyes, this is exactly why you haven’t been leaving the house. Naively you thought the buzz surrounding this story would’ve died down by now, but no, you can’t even buy snacks and tampons in peace without somebody recognising you from that god damn video.

“Come on I’ll give you a ride.” Taehyung rushes you into his silver Audi, closing the passenger door behind you, “Leave your cap on they’re still here.”

As tears cascade down your cheeks at a rather impressive speed, Taehyung drives off equally as fast. His profile is set rock solid, you know he’s angry and truthfully so are you, you just want this to stop. It’s when you remove your cap and messily wipe away your tears that he glances in your direction with an sympathetic look.

“Are you staying at Jimin’s place?”

“Yeah, I got kicked out my apartment so...” You exhale, looking at the quiet road ahead of you, “Thanks Taehyung.”

“No need to thank me,” He changes gear, “Even if you’re not my best friend’s girlfriend anymore you’re still my friend. I’ve always got your back.”

“Thank you.” You say quietly, stomach flipping with regret as it dawns on you that he’s right – you’re not Jungkook’s girlfriend anymore.

“And if you need any legal help, when we find out who did this… I’ve got you, okay?”

You take a beat before you muster up the courage to ask what’s really on your mind, “How bad is he?”

Tae looks in your direction for a brief moment, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, “He’s a mess. He’s hired three private investigators to get to the bottom of this, I’ve never seen him like this.”

“Do you think I should call him?”

“I know it would mean a lot to him if you did.”

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tsunami-of-tears · 5 months

Text

A Court of Shadows and Sunshine — Part Eight

Azriel x Aurora (OC)

Summary: Uncle Helion makes an appearance and has some explaining to do. As usual, Rhys is a huge gossip!

A/N: Now I know Rhys + Nesta don’t get along in the books, but I like to think they’ve bonded over playing matchmaker.

Wordcount: 2.6K

Warnings: Angst! Slightly sexual themes (slightly), attempted SA/SH, violence

Part Seven

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧

Aurora

“Hello, my dear niece. It’s been too long.”

Through the fresh bond, you feel Azriel’s confusion turn to relief. You only feel confused.

Helion glances between you both, his face is neutral aside from the slight quirking of a brow. “The cauldron does have a sense of humour.”

Rhys presses his lips firmly together to form a straight line, as if he had to force his mouth closed to keep from speaking.

Your wide eyes flick between the two High Lords, “What do you mean, niece?”

“I’m afraid I have quite a bit of explaining to do, you will want to sit for this,” Helion continues, gesturing to the lounge behind you.

Azriel remains close to your side as everyone takes a seat in the spacious office. You fold your arms over your chest and wait for Helion to speak.

“You already knew that your mother was from the Day Court, but we lied about her parentage. Helena was my younger sister.” Helion gives you a small, sad smile as if reminiscing on their childhood in Day. “Your parents met during the war, they were fighting for opposing sides when their mating bond snapped.”

You nod in acknowledgement as Helion continues his explanation, you’d grown up hearing stories about your parents’ early relationship and what they overcame to be together. You’d dreamed of finding your own mate one day.

Helion continues, “Your father, Ortun, hadn’t been happy with his king and the war. Being mated to Helena was the final straw for him. From that moment on, he became one of my spies.” You feel Azriel tensing slightly beside you. “To protect himself and Helena, and eventually you, they lied about her true identity and powers.”

You lean forward on your knees, running your hands through your hair. You look back up at Helion with furrowed brows.

“How could they keep this from me?” You ask him, glaring into his amber eyes.

“We were preparing to tell you, but Amarantha foiled that.” Helion pauses, averting your glare. “I couldn’t protect anyone else I loved. No one knew who you were, so Rhys was able to hide you here.”

Finally, everything is falling into place. You rise to your feet and start to pace as the information swirls around in your brain, filling in the missing pieces from your memories. It’s why you always travelled with your father, why you spent so much time in Prythian, why the High Lords saved you…

You stop pacing and look straight at the High Lords in front of you. “What does this mean?” You question. You turn towards Rhysand, “Are you sending me away?” Your voice cracks as you think of the incident with Cassian.

Rhys shakes his head. “Never, Rory. It’s entirely up to you where you wish to live. I just want to help you.”

“How do you plan to help? Haven’t you done enough for me?” Tears well in your eyes, and you slump down beside Azriel again. He laces his scarred fingers with yours, grounding you. You feel his unconditional support flowing down the bond.

“Your powers are strong,” Helion starts. “You can learn to control them, so they don’t control you. I’ll teach you. There are no conditions, you’re my kin. Whether you wish to be a part of my court, Rhys’s, or neither, is entirely up to you. Whatever you choose, you will always have a home in Day.”

You look up from your hand joined with Azriel’s, “Velaris is my home.”

Helion looks between you both and nods, “Of course, I understand. You’ll still have to visit though. Maybe for your birthday?” Helion offers. “It’s the big one hundred, and you can’t spend the longest day in the Night Court.”

Rhys lets out a dark chuckle. “You mean to tell me, you were born on the Summer Solstice?” He gives you an incredulous look. “You have light powers, your mate is a shadowsinger, and you were born on the longest day of the year. Gods, that’s like something you’d read in a story.”

You laugh. A real laugh that fills your heart and overflows into your soul. The information you’ve received today doesn’t change anything substantial. Looking over at your mate you feel at peace. You know that this is exactly where you’re supposed to be - like the cauldron willed you to be in this very room at this moment.

————

Azriel

One hundred. Aurora is only one hundred.

Azriel hadn’t realised quite how young she was, and it almost broke him.

She’d spent fifty years mostly by herself in Velaris until the fateful day Nesta and Gwyn visited her studio.

That’s half her life without her family, without a support system. She’s so young, and yet she’s been through so much.

Azriel looks down at their intertwined fingers. His shadows swirl around them but they don’t dim her sparkle, they make her shine brighter.

Never again, Azriel vowed. Never again would Aurora feel alone.

————

Rhysand

Emergency meeting. River House. Now!

Rhys is pacing excitedly in his study, he clenches his fists to stop them from shaking. He hears the sound of flapping wings getting closer, and then multiple sets of footsteps coming down the hall. He turns as his inner circle enters the room.

Cassian, Nesta and Amren remain standing while Mor, Elain and Feyre take up seats in the cream armchairs. Everyone exchanges confused glances while Feyre arches an eyebrow at her mate, wondering what has him leaping out of his skin.

Cassian looks around the room, surveying everyone who has gathered. “Where’s Azriel?” He asks. Elain pales slightly.

“Azriel is why I called you all here.” Rhys grins widely. “It finally happened.”

Everyone starts talking at once, “What happened?” “What’s going on?” “Is he okay?”

Amren shushes everyone, “Come on, spit it out, boy.”

Rhys responds by showing the group his memory from that morning.

Your conversation with Helion is cut off as the powerful sound of wings draws closer. You peer out the front window from behind a drawn curtain and see Azriel and Aurora standing on the path leading up to your front door. They appear to be having a serious conversation.

Aurora reaches towards Azriel and takes a step closer to him. You let out a loud gasp as Azriel wraps his arms around her waist, pulling their bodies together.

Their lips touch, softly and tenderly, and Aurora starts to glow - a golden flicker of light entangled with Azriel’s dark shadows.

You turn back to Helion, unable to stop smiling. “Please excuse me for a moment,” You say, rushing to the front door.

You open the door wide and see that the initially gentle kiss has turned into one that is much more heated. You curse internally, hating that you have to interrupt this moment, but you’re also quite pleased to have witnessed it yourself.

“Ahem,” You cough.

Aurora and Azriel part abruptly. They both take a step back with wide eyes and flushed red cheeks. You smirk, knowing they were so caught up in the moment that they hadn’t noticed your presence.

“I’m terribly sorry to interrupt,” You purr. “But I have an important guest we’re keeping waiting.” You step to the side to let them in, Aurora looks down at her feet in an attempt to hide the deepening blush on her face.

As the pair get closer, the scent slams into you, overwhelming your senses. Azriel’s usual night-chilled mist is now intertwined with something warmer - fragrant jasmine and liquid amber, like a balmy summer evening.

As Aurora steps past, your eyes snap to Azriel’s, who is giving you a cold, unimpressed glare. You tap on his mental shields with your sharp talons, ‘What’s the matter, brother?’

Azriel shakes his head at you. ‘You have the worst timing ever. The bond just snapped for her.’

‘I’m sorry - I won’t bother you for a few days after this meeting.’

Azriel nods in response, following you into the study.

The memory fades away and reveals the shocked faces of the inner circle.

Nesta smiles at Rhys like a Cheshire cat, “You owe me 100 gold marks, High Lord,” she gloats. “I told you it would snap before Solstice.”

Cassian turns towards his mate, mouth agape. “You told me I couldn’t bet on this!” He exclaims.

“That’s because I knew I had the winning bet, it was only a matter of time. She’s my friend, I wasn’t going to share all her secrets with you and your fat mouth.” Nesta chimes back, patting Cassian on the shoulder.

Cassian huffs, but is quickly smiling again as Nesta plants a smacking kiss on his cheek.

Amren looks over at Rhys, arms crossed over her chest and her mouth pressed into a firm line. “You called an emergency meeting to gossip?” She asks bluntly.

“Actually Amren - you, Feyre and I have some important work to discuss,” Rhys says. “Everyone else can go back to whatever they were doing.” Rhys waves his hand, dismissing the group. “Try not to bother the new mates for a few days if you can help it.”

Cassian smirks at Rhys before his gaze settles on Nesta. She grabs him by the forearm and yanks him out of the room - likely to go enjoy their own mating activities.

Once the room is cleared, Amren turns back to Rhys. “What are you hiding now? You know I don’t like surprises.”

“We have a new spell-cleaver to train. I need your help preparing some magic wards and curses.”

“Who are we training?” Amren asks.

“Aurora. She’s Helion’s niece but she’s decided to remain in Velaris for now. Along with light-generation, she’s inherited his curse-breaking powers.”

“I knew there was more to that girl,” Amren says, her lips curling slightly. “This is good, let’s get started.”

————

Aurora

After you meet with Helion, your uncle, you and Azriel winnow back to your apartment. You unlock your front door and make to enter but Azriel hesitates.

“Are you going to stand out there all day?” You ask him playfully.

Azriel gives you a small smile and shakes his head, stepping into your home.

He pauses again as he takes in his surroundings. He’d dropped you off countless times before, but he’d never seen inside your space. You suddenly feel self-conscious, aware that your little apartment is not as lavish as what Azriel is used to.

Though the space is small, you’ve done your best to create a cozy environment. Most of your furnishings are cream and warm timber, with sage green and caramel-coloured accents. It’s fairly minimal, but you do have some trinkets from your travels on display.

You quickly avert his gaze and head to the kitchen to make some tea. Once the kettle is on, you fiddle with your fingers as you wait.

Azriel breaks the silence, still looking around, “I wondered what kind of place you lived in. I knew it would be lovely like you, but this is… really cozy and inviting.” He turns and scans your face, scrunching his nose as he notices your discomfort. “Aurora, what’s wrong?”

You sigh, stepping closer and resting your head against Azriel’s broad chest. “It’s been a big day, I feel like my entire life has been shattered. I’m not sure what to do now,” You admit quietly.

He tilts your chin gently so you look straight at him. “I understand if you don’t want this. I’m willing to do whatever you need.”

Your heart aches at his words and you pull him into a tight hug. “Of course I want you,” you murmur into his shoulder. “It’s everything else - my powers, my family. I never expected this.”

Azriel rubs your lower back in comfort. “I’ll be here through it all, we can figure it out together.”

Standing on your toes, you press your lips to Azriel’s. The spark in your chest flares into a roaring flame, warming you to your core. Your mouth moves against Azriel’s hungrily. Your tongues dance together as your hands roam each other’s bodies.

You gasp as Azriel presses into you further and you feel the hard outline of his length against you. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can…” You trail off.

Azriel runs his thumb across your cheek tenderly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

You nod but look down, “What if I’m never ready?” You ask softly.

Azriel takes your hand in his, bringing it to his lips. “I am content with this.” He smiles at you before pressing his lips to your skin.

You pull him close into another firm hug. Azriel sends a wave of reassurance down the bond, you send your gratitude back. You don’t know what you did to deserve such kindness.

————

Azriel

After spending quite some time in each other’s arms, Aurora and Azriel had a simple dinner and talked for hours. They talked about everything and nothing, feeling comfortable enough to share some of their secrets.

As the night drew onwards and Aurora started to yawn, they moved to her bed. Azriel let Aurora decide the proximity between them - and she eventually fell asleep in Azriel’s arms.

Now that the bond had snapped for her, Azriel had some final business to attend to. So he carefully slipped his arm out from under Aurora and padded out of the bedroom. In case she woke before he returned, Azriel left a note on the kitchen counter saying he’d be back by the morning.

Ever since Rhys’s birthday, Azriel has been keeping tabs on Aurora’s attacker - Edward.

To Azriel’s disgust, the male had a pregnant wife at home. She was likely unaware of what her husband was getting up to, unless she was also a victim. Azriel shuddered at the thought.

Azriel heads out into the night, making his way towards Edward’s usual haunt - a rather seedy-looking bar in the dodgy part of town.

The male usually left the bar at 2 am, and Azriel was right on time. He waited across the street, concealed by his shadows, for the male to exit.

It’s not long before two females exit the bar, arm in arm and struggling to walk in their heels. Following closely behind the females is Edward.

Azriel waits until they walk past his shadows to make his move. He pounces on Edward who grunts as Azriel’s shadows bind his limbs, restricting his movements. The females scream at the commotion behind them, entirely unaware of the fate that they may have met.

“I’m sorry to disturb your evening, please go on your way,” Azriel says. The females turn silently and run down the street, away from Azriel and Edward.

“I’ve been watching you for some time, did you think you could get away with this? Especially after laying your hand on my mate.” Azriel said with a calm rage.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Edward cries out.

“You can play dumb all you want, but I’ve seen what you do. I know who you are and I know your wife is currently with child. Does she know what kinds of recreational activities you get up to?”

Edward gulps audibly as Azriel unsheaths True Teller and scrapes it across the brick wall next to Edward's head.

“If you ever touch another female without her explicit consent, you won’t have hands. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Edward whimpers in response.

To make sure the message was received, Azriel lands two strong punches to his stomach. Not hard enough to cause any severe damage, but still enough to leave some bruising.

Edward doubles over in pain as Azriel winnows away, taking his shadows with him and leaving the male alone in the street.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧

A/N: There’s been quite a lot of activity on the individual parts and my masterlists - thank you to all who have interacted with this story. If you’d like to be tagged when I post new parts, please comment/send me a message.

Tags ♡ @mis-lil-red

Part Nine

#azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfic #azriel x oc #a court of thorns and roses #azriel #azriel fic #acotar fanfiction #acotar fic #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acosf

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sizzleissues · 11 months

Text

Ladrien day 27 - Autograph

Read here on ao3

“You can have your signature, kitty-.” His ears perked up. “-If you catch me when you're civilian you.”

Or under the cut

Chat Noir was suspiciously quiet as they lazied atop the Eiffel Tower. Something had been bothering him since they met up but it wasn’t anything she could figure out from his lingering stares and solemn expression. Whatever it was she’d rather he’d spit it out then let it weigh on him like this.

“Go on, you want to say something.”

She put the offer out there but didn’t expect an answer. It was much too hot and much too late to muster more than passing concern. She’d review this conversation in the morning when her anxious mind replayed every word to search for the rotten apple.

“Would you-.” He cut himself off, sinking beside her.

“Yes?”

“Would you sign something for me?”

She waited expectantly for more, that can’t have been everything but no, it really was. Chat Noir stared at her with wide hopeful eyes and a rising excitement.

She probably shouldn’t have laughed. Forgive her, it was 3am, beyond past normal Marinette functioning hours.

“Really? That’s it!”

“Uh-.”

“You made me worried there for a second.” She slapped his arm playfully, her laugh fading to a grin.

“So will you?”

“Why? Autographs are for fans. You’re not a fan, you’re my partner. I think that’s better than a measly signature.”

“Civilian me is a fan though! Even my best friend who’s more of a Chat Noir fan has your signature, it’s getting embarrassing at this point.”

He was genuine then. Marinette chewed her lip, looking down at Paris as she tried to think. There wouldn’t be any harm to giving him a signature. If he promised never to show it to anyone or post it at risk of her recognising outside of costume- no, she couldn’t give it to him like this. She couldn’t know who she was signing it for.

“You can have your signature, kitty-.” His ears perked up. “-If you catch me when you're civilian you. I’ll stick around after the next few battles. Just don’t make it obvious.”

“Really? This is great. So great!”

Marinette nodded along, feeling a touch of concern as he spent the rest of the night even more distant. At least it was a happy kind? That was good, right?

—-<0>---

The next few battles had Marinette searching every crowd afterwards for someone vaguely Chat Noir shaped. She knew she shouldn’t, she didn’t want to know his identity but curiosity got the best of her. Chat Noir stayed tight-lipped on whether he’d gotten the autograph yet and she couldn’t help the sinking feeling in her stomach that she’d missed him.

She squashed those feelings down and eventually her eyes stayed strictly on the fan in front of her, not ahead looking for blond and green. The brief flirtation with the possibility of figuring out his identity had only been interesting because of the danger it brought. She’d confused those feelings for intrigue and not fear, a definitely easy mistake to make. That was all safely behind her now.

So when Chat Noir disappeared moments after fist bumping her she didn’t even notice. There was the akuma victim to comfort and the press to shake off and the fans to satiate. A missing stray didn’t even cross her ray-dar.

“Will I grow up to be as cool as you?” A little girl asked, her adorable cheeks squished up in a huge gap-toothed smile. She gripped a ladybug doll in her hands but her eyes were entirely captivated by the real thing. Marinette kneeled down so they were the same height and held a hand out to her.

The girl tentatively reached for it, her eyes like stars as she touched her palm. Marinette smiled warmly, clasping the girl’s hand in her’s.

“You’ll grow up to be even cooler. I don’t have half as beautiful a smile as you.”

After a hug and photo she toddled after her grateful mother. Marinette’s gaze shifted from the girl to the pair of legs now in the spot in front of her. She had to crane her head back to look up at him, the sun silhouetting his body. It created a hazy halo-like effect around his face where she could only see a brilliant smile.

“Do I get to be as cool as you when I grow up?”

That voice. So familiar yet just slightly not right. Not enough that a face sprang to mind but just enough she knew something should be happening in her brain besides slight embarrassment of still being crouched down.

“Well maybe if- Adrien!” She squeaked.

Adrien blushed, which was strange, as she stared at him. How could she not notice him approaching? She’d been too busy with the girl- This was a disaster.

“That’s me?”

“Ohmygod- Sorry! I just wasn’t expecting you. But why would I expect you? I’m Ladybug, I’m really cool.” The word vomit spewing out her mouth didn’t seem to be off-putting to him but still she nearly sunk back to the ground to hide her shame. Ladybug didn’t stutter. She was cool. She shot finger guns.

Why was she shooting finger guns at him right now?

“Sorry if I’m bothering you- I just wanted to ask for an autograph.” He averted his gaze, scratching the back of his neck absently, yet she couldn’t understand why. He was Adrien, he- he was a huge fan of Ladybug. With an insane Ladybug wall to rival her Adrien one. Ladybug, who was also Marinette. But he didn’t know that.

“You’re not bothering me!”

“Oh?”

“In fact, I want to ask you for your autograph. In exchange for mine.”

She smiled, holding out the pen she’d been using to him. Adrien stared at it like it was a live snake before taking it from her hand.

“What do you want me to sign?”

That was a slight flaw in her plan. She had a matter of moments before he realised it too.

“Here.” She pointed to her cheek, turning her head to the side so he could get a better angle.

She tried not to catch his eyes as he leaned forward. That level of intimacy would have sent her straight to A&E. If she wasn’t totally insane she got the distinct impression Adrien’s heart was beating as quickly as her’s. He made the signing quick, snapping back straight once the pen left her cheek.

“Does it look good?” She asked as she faced him again. She already knew what it looked like, this was not her first Adrien autograph.

His gaze was unfocused and he buffered, if that was even possible for a human to do, before answering.

“Y- yep! So good.” His voice uncharacteristically strained.

“Coolio. Now, where do you want me to sign?” She forced herself to smile brightly and try not to think about the fact she asked Adrien to write on her face and he didn’t bat an eye.

“Not on my chest! I want you to sign somewhere normal. Like my face- I mean this picture.”

He held out the pen and a framed photo of herself from a couple months back that had gone viral on the Ladyblog.

Their hands brushed for the slightest of moments as she reached to take the pen, something electric shooting through her body. Adrien squeaked like a trodden on mouse and jumped back, dropping the pen in the process.

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, I'm sorry!”

Adrien ducked down at the same time she did, their heads knocking together. Tiny stars exploded in her vision, though she couldn’t tell if it was from bumping her head or the sheer embarrassment nearly causing her to pass out.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” Adrien said, his face stricken with worry.

“No, I should be sorry. Is your forehead okay?”

“I’m fine and don’t apologise! I dropped it, I should pick it up.”

“No, but really-.”

“Don’t even.” He held a hand up to stop her and bent down to pick up the pen.

Marinette giggled as she tried to take it again. This time she made sure their fingers didn’t even so much as brush off each other.

“I’ll have to make this extra special.” She said,

“You don’t have to-.”

“I’m your biggest fan too, I can’t leave you with a subpar signature.”

“Oh.” His face flushed a shade to match the setting sun.

She signed the photo, adding a heart at the end. Adrien beamed down at it once she’d finished.

“Love, Ladybug?” He parroted back what she’d written.

“Reserved for very special people.” She winked, surprising even herself. Adrien cradled the photo close to his heart, hesitantly looking up to meet her eyes.

She would do anything for him to look at her like this when she wasn’t in spots.

Adrien didn’t move and she thought for a second he was about to say something important, something that had threatened to spill out of him since their first interaction. Instead he said this;

“I think this pen is permanent. Will it come off your cheek?”

Her eyes grew wide.

“Sure it will, plus it’ll probably disappear after I detransform.”

It didn’t.

–—-<0>-----

“So did you ever get the autograph?”

It was in the middle of an akuma battle that she’d even remembered the deal she’d made. Chat Noir paused, his eyes flicking to her cheek for the briefest of moments. It was easily brushed off as an innocent glance and she hadn’t been looking anyway.

“I did.”

She smiled. Even though she had no idea who he’d been, the fact the entire deal had led to talking to Adrien made it worth it.

“Was it worth it?”

Chat didn’t answer for a second, dodging a well aimed blast from the akuma. Within moments he was back at her side.

“I’d do it again a thousand times.”

She laughed, zipping away from another blast. “Don’t actually, I might start to recognise you.”

“I have a feeling that you wouldn’t even be able to tell.”

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ladrien #ladrien june 2023 #ml fanfic #ml fic

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hellorai · 3 months

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Okay so it just me who feels so like dizzy about their sexual identity rn?

Like for me I feel a whirlwind of emotions rn because for the longest I identified as bisexual (not that bisexual is a “gateway” sexuality it’s very valid) but late last year I realized I’m a lesbian and demisexual. I’m not use to labels outside of physical or hobbies (black woman, artist etc…) I just kinda knew who I was and that’s how I go on about my day but now it feels like I fell flat on my ass.

The idea of me being demisexual is still very new for me because I thought it was people who really didn’t like touch or sex and physical touch is like my main love language (romantically I’ll get into that) and I like sex but as I researched it more it all clicked from my trauma and how I processed speech and touch when I did date I liked the chase more than relationships emotionally but in my head I liked the relationship over chase because it they can’t touch me emotionally and physically? I’m still struggling on how I define this for myself because I am quite touch starved and love touch but it also makes me feel indifferent and I need to KNOW you or it feels like a violation!

Now on and off for years I’ve thought of the idea of being a lesbian. I felt more comfortable with girls, I dated girls more, I imagined myself with girls more etc…I feel like I held onto the idea of liking men was i like masculinity and at the time I equated masculinity=man. Then I didn’t feel as comfortable or attracted to girl because I forced myself into fem4fem and had inner biphobia at the time so I thought if I dated a masculine girl I just want men so I yearned for men more and it was “easier” to be attracted to like fictional men or celebrities but in real life I’d like girls I hope that makes sense😭 As a darkskin midsize black woman I felt like if I only like girls I’d be masculine and that made me uncomfortable because I’m very feminine. I felt like this because I use to equate heterosexual dynamics into homosexual relationships and I never say girls that look like me be the feminine one in lesbian relationships whether it was based on size, skin tone or race in general.

All of these insecurities and misguided views left me so confused and hurt + trauma of very bad relationships and being so young when all this was happening I continued to just have bad relationships or attached myself to people even though my mindset is nothing like it was because I didn’t have any real grasp of who I was and what I identify with.

So with all this I’ve been trying to educate myself especially with having more knowledge and older mutuals that really taught me what certain terms are like what a butch really is and butch culture.

I’ve always prided myself on knowing myself and presentation but with the stereotypes in certain labels I feel like I just don’t belong. I battle issues with I know it but I don’t feel it therefore it’s not valid. To call back when I mentioned physical touch is my main love language then I put romantically in parentheses because I think I’m a pillow princess. I’m trying to understand myself with and without labels and the guidance of them but when I research into what it means to be a pillow princess and femme I feel it but I don’t know it? Especially since I know and feel like I’d like to be with a stone butch. I’m also open to even like dropping labels if they don’t even go together I’d hate to think I’m just throwing terms together but when I research eventually my head feels dizzy and my stomach hurts like I’m just gonna get it wrong? I want to figure this stuff out because it leave me feeling bad and uneducated in my own culture (and like I’m never gonna be well enough to be in a relationship) but I just have a hard time seeing myself in roles or labels primarily cause I haven’t experienced much of anything!

I hope this makes sense and that someone just as confused but determined to figure themselves out like me can feel some warmth and maybe someone who went through this or knew someone could respond and help (which would be very appreciated)

🎀

#rairambles #lesbian #black lesbian #someone help me please #pillow princess #demisexual

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aurumacadicus · 2 years

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Anyway, so, it’s more ‘takes place in the Spirited Away world’ than ‘I have inserted Marvel characters into the Spirited Away story line.’

The Starks are a family of dragons who operate a bath house up against a mostly dormant volcano--they’re famous for their natural hot springs, where patrons can bathe, or they also pipe in fresh stream water for baths inside. For very important guests, they have been known to come out and breath fire directly onto the cast iron tubs as a form of entertainment. They’re not in direct competition with Yubaba, because they both cater to different needs (more dragons come to the Starks, more plant spirits to Yubaba), but they do gloat whenever they out-earn the other. Eventually, though, Maria decides she wants to travel, so she and Howard leave the bath house in Tony’s capable claws. Tony busies himself with making his mother parents proud and keeping the bath house’s profits up. His parents raised the perfect showman, after all.

Enter James, Probably. Tony had raised his eyebrow when James had introduced himself, even asked if he’d lost his name to Yubaba. “No,” James, Probably said, as if he had not answered Tony’s query of ‘what’s your name’ with ‘James...... probably.’ But, Tony wasn’t one to call someone a liar, and he had a personal vendetta against Yubaba and her name-stealing, so he would take any opportunity to gloat that his workers were thriving even after she’d stolen their identities from them. Some even remembered their names on their own, with the support the Stark bath house offered them. “I don’t want to work with the customers. I’m afraid I’ll scare them,” James, Probably says, clutching his shoulder where his arm is missing, and then, “Okay, I get it, quit tacking on the ‘probably’ at the end, asshole.”

James is mechanically inclined, and the boiler(s) they use to fill the tubs need maintenance, so Tony allows him to work on them. Normally it would be his job, but with his parents gone and the need to be a good host, he’d fallen behind on it. He finds it works out well for him--he’s free to entertain guests, and at the end of the day feels more relaxed knowing the boilers aren’t going to randomly explode, so he can tinker about with them while James covers the bulk of the work. It’s not a hardship. James is handsome, in a haunted sort of way, and has a wry sense of humor that shocks laughs out of Tony more than he’d like to admit. There’s a wall there, though. He can’t tell if it’s because of James’s faulty memory, his missing arm, or if that’s just how he is, so he carefully doesn’t do more than casually flirt. A little flirting seems okay, though.

Which is fine! Because Tony’s head-over-heels for a beautiful silvery-blue dragon named Steve. Steve seems oblivious to his flirting most of the time, but he doesn’t get mad about it, so Tony takes it as permission! Sometimes Steve even flirts back. Tony’s not sure if Steve means to, but he takes what he can get. Steve’s looking for someone, though, so he never stays long, passing through to take a moment to relax in a tub, accept Tony’s flirting with a somewhat-confused smile, and then leaving again after a decadent dinner ‘on the house.’ (Tony pays for it out of his own pocket, he’s not an idiot. A lovesick fool, but not an idiot.) He tells himself it’s enough, because this seems to be the place Steve always returns to, at least for a little while.

“Why don’t you just admit your feelings to him properly?” James asks when Tony wanders down to the boiler room with his customary ‘Steve’s gone again’ sighs. “You never struck me as the type to be a coward with your feelings.”

“He’s taken with someone else,” Tony answers simply, shrugging, and is too busy tinkering with one of the steam vents to notice James dropping his tongs in shock. “He never uses the words ‘love’ or 'romance,’ but he just doesn’t have time for me. But that’s okay. I’m too busy for a relationship,” he adds, although he has to admit it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself. The regulars tease him about how gone he is on Steve. He knows they wouldn’t mind him taking a moment for himself, or... or with a partner. Some of the older dragons even tease him about how they’re not getting any younger and they want to see him get married.

“Why... would you do that to yourself?” James asks, aghast.

Tony shrugs again. “No one ever wants me as much as I want them. I’m still young,” he adds in amusement. He doesn’t tell James he’s starting to feel the same for him. That would probably be too much. At least James has shown intent to stay. That’s enough for him. It always has been. “I have plenty of time. What’s an unrequited love or two?”

“Tony,” James chokes out, mortified, but Tony remains oblivious. He knows how his heart works. Someday, he’ll find someone who wants him back, and that’s fine.

So James starts spending more time with Tony. It starts out as a pity thing, mostly, knowing that Tony is in love with someone unattainable. But the more he gets to know Tony, the more he respects him--juggling being a good host, keeping the books himself because his species of dragon don’t trust their money with others, working in maintenance on the boilers until James came along, making sure his employees feel comfortable in their positions. He’s really an admirable man. Sometimes he’ll even join Tony after hours in the hot spring. Tony always talks soft and slow those nights, about his past and the interesting people he’s met. How the older dragons that come in treat him like their own family, and he basks in it because he misses his parents but only gets a message from them rarely. James doesn’t understand why Steve doesn’t love Tony back. For all of his bravado, he’s actually a very sensitive, sweet man.

“Oh no,” James says when he realizes he’s in love with Tony, and all his memories come rushing back--a fight with a hydra, his arm being torn off in one of the many gaping maws, shoving his claws into its chest and them both falling, falling, falling. Crawling out of the mud and stumbling to the nearest place. Asking Yubaba for a job. Giving away his name--but his name was James? Or, his given name was. That wasn’t what he was called by the people who loved him.

Bucky. Yubaba had stolen Bucky from him. He’d eventually become so destructive in his confusion, on top of healing from his devastating injury, that she’d sent him away without giving it back--she’d cursed him, he thinks, for becoming a liability to her business. She liked to sneak curses onto people, he remembered the other workers saying.

And Steve was looking for him. The reason Steve never returned Tony’s feelings was because he was looking for Bucky. Of course he’d cause a love triangle that actively hurt the man he’d fallen for, Bucky laughed into his pillow. It wasn’t a happy laugh. It wasn’t fair to Tony, was it? That he was in love with Steve, and Steve was in love with him, and Bucky loved him? Except Bucky was also starting to remember Steve, remember a shared home and cozy nest of blankets and intimate kisses pressed to shoulders over breakfast. He’d loved Steve, too.

“Oh no,” Bucky whispers again, and covers his face with his pillow to muffle whatever sound he makes--laughing in incredulity, or crying in dismay, maybe. He doesn’t know how he feels. Overwhelmed, mostly. Like a criminal.

“James is gone,” Pepper tells Tony gently the next morning. He’d left a note for her, because he was too ashamed to do it with Tony face-to-face. It said he was sorry, but not what for. She thinks she knows, at least partly. She thinks it would hurt Tony more to tell him about it.

“Oh,” Tony says, shoulders sagging. He finds that he isn’t really surprised. James had always seemed like the wandering type.

Maybe he would have been okay, if Steve hadn’t disappeared too.

Well, not disappeared. He hears the rumors; dragons are terrible gossips after all. Steve had found who he’d been looking for. He’d gone home. Taken whoever he was looking for with him to get reacquainted.

Tony thinks maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much, if at least one of them had said goodbye. But then, maybe he’d been presumptuous. Clearly he’d thought his friendships with them had been more important than... Well. He’s got guests to greet and food to oversee and boilers to tinker with. He just needs to stay busy. Keep moving. Go back to how he’d been before Steve and James had shown up at the bath house.

Maybe he should just give up on finding someone on his own and finally stop saying no whenever the older dragons joked about setting him up. His mother had been making noises about doing it herself when she got back if he hadn’t found anyone. Maybe it’s time to put his love life in someone else’s hands. It’s not as if he’s had any success himself.

But it’s something to worry about later. It’s fine. He has great friends who love him and regulars who adore him and employees who respect him. It’s fine.

“We have some guests that insist on seeing the proprietor,” Peter tells him one day. “They’re in the big tub. They seem important.”

“The big tub,” Tony murmurs, frowning. It must be true--the big tub is reserved for their more exclusive guests, because it takes so much water. They haven’t had anyone use it in the last six months but for once, by a stink spirit, and Tony had cleaned the tub himself. He hopes that it’s not another stink spirit. He’ll clean it again so his staff don’t have to, but he really doesn’t want to become known for the place where stink spirits are welcomed. Still, he’s been asked for specifically. It would be bad business not to go, not to mention impolite. He’s nothing if not diligent in work.

There’s an unfamiliar dragon in the tub. Tony can’t help the way his mouth falls open a little as he takes in its silvery scales, wondering if the red tinge is natural or from the heat of the water. As he gapes up at it, a storm-gray slits open, pupil focusing on him for a long few seconds before it closes again, and then the dragon heaves a long, slow sigh and relaxes further into the water.

“I... H-hello,” Tony stutters out, wondering if he should have stopped for some complimentary tea or something.

“Hello,” the dragon growls back, and then, “Steve.”

“Steve,” Tony repeats, bewildered. Then he feels a hand wrapping around his arm and turns, surprised, eyes widening when he finds himself looking up into Steve’s familiar face. “Steve!”

Steve pulls him in, and Tony barely has time to squeak before a hand on the back of his head is urging him up to meet Steve’s mouth. Steve’s kiss is demanding, and Tony finds himself sinking into his arms, too stunned to do anything except take what Steve offered.

Finally, though, he remembers the other dragon, and he shoves Steve away, cheeks burning with embarrassment when he sees the dragon had been watching them the entire time. “I... I-!”

“It’s okay, Tony,” Steve assures him. “Bucky told me everything.”

“Who told you what,” Tony squawks, and then the dragon is twisting, shifting, body shrinking until he’s someone Tony recognizes, and he squeaks again, pointing at him. “James?!”

“My name is Bucky,” Bucky tells him, and Tony howls in dismay, he’s done nothing to deserve this, Bucky????! isn’t a name.

Steve gives Bucky a stony stare. “I told you he wouldn’t like it. How is he supposed to introduce you to his parents?”

“With his mouth, what are they gonna do? Peggy said Maria wants grand-eggs and we can provide that for her,” Bucky replies, and Tony howls all over again because he is not going to be having eggs with a man named Bucky.

#ideas #stuckony #long post

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honoviadakai · 2 years

Text

Feliks Łukasiewicz: The hidden nonbinary/gender fluid icon

So Poland from Hetalia...is a character...

In all seriousness, Felik’s wasn’t my fav character back when 13 year old me saw them for the first time but I also didn’t hate the guy. They just confused the hell outta me because even with the limited worldly knowledge my preteen brain had, I was trying to understand what part of this character was inherently Polish.

Honestly even adult me is struggling to understand how Felik’s is the personification of Poland. It really feels like Himaruya made a character that just vaguely looks polish and has a polish accent and called it a day. And for a while I thought maybe he wrote Feliks that way because the country he represents is super progressive! Upon farther research…I was very wrong.

Here’s a very quick, simplified list of what you can expect in terms of “rights” for the lgbtq+ in Poland

Gay marriage isn’t legal

Discrimination is legal in some contexts

If you wanna adopt, you can only do so if you’re single(if you’re not hetero, if you are and in a couple, you’ll have less issues)

Conversion therapy is not banned

Military rights are ambiguous at best

Non-binary gender is not recognized(this one might have to do more with the language and their naming system than discrimination….but…)

You actually can legally change your gender and surgery is not required. They only recognize male and female though, nothing else. Getting surgery might require either a crap ton of money and/or going to a different country

…yeah…so Feliks makes even less sense and that’s not even taking into account how religious the country they represent is known to be.

However, upon further research, Poland does have quite the history on LGBT activism so that got me thinking that Feliks is not as superficial as I initially thought.

Firstly, I believe Feliks is gender fluid and demisexual and they’re just so casual about it around people they’ve probably forgotten to come out to some of their friends when they realized their gender orientation. Like I can absolutely see this conversation happening.

Tolys:….Feliks…we need to have a talk…now…

Feliks: yeah? Why? What’s wrong? You look, like, really stressed out.

Tolys: Look…I’ve been able to handle the other baltics, Ivan and Gilbert, sometimes all at the same time…but I’m gonna have an aneurism if you don’t explain to me why you’re dressed up like one of those teenage E-girls Alfred has talked to me about, right now…are you that broke or something???

Feliks:…

Tolys:…

Feliks:…I haven’t come out of the closet to you have I?

Tolys:….I’ll be back

Feliks: where are you going???

Tolys: knowing you…I’m gonna need some snacks, some tea…and a lot of free time…so I’m off to cancel some plans and order some food…

Tolys would genuinely be more annoyed at Feliks about the decades long lack of context and taking so damn long to remember to come out to him more than anything else tbh xD

Jokes aside, I genuinely think they started realizing his gender identity around the time Hungary was starting to discover herself. Watching her go through her issues probably made them start to question themselves a bit. I can see them being pretty religious before this and having a struck “there are only 2 genders mentality” for a long time but slowly starting to have a shift in ideals as time went on and their knowledge of the world started to grow. They might even have an internal crisis about their religious faith and how they feel but I can see them getting over it quickly since God is weirdly a cannon character in the series and seems very nonchalant. Feliks definitely had a conversation with God about this and straight up be told “do what makes you happy, I’m not gonna punish you for doing what you love.”

Eventually they’d fully discover themselves and just accept who they are because, if nothing else, Feliks is a simple person with simple needs. They just wanna be happy and if putting on a frilly skirt one day and slacks the next makes them happy then by golly they’re gonna do so. Outside their home country.

I don’t think Feliks expresses themselves often, if ever, in they homeland for safety reasons. If they go to Alfred’s place though? They’re going all out and no one can stop them. Periot 💅

That being said…because they’re very outspoken around people they trust…they kinda just…expect their friends and in some situations, complete strangers, to just pick up on their sexuality and gender identity. Feliks just kinda forgets people like Tolys exist. People like him who NEED to be told straight up “hey, this is my situation” because otherwise they’re just never gonna come to any conclusion on their own. Tolys can’t even pick up when someone is trying to tell him a joke, let alone when someone is trying to come out to him, discreetly.

Feliks is a disaster in this regard because of this. Because they’re assuming people picked up on their brand of fruitiness, to them they’ve already come out to people. In reality they haven’t and it takes them a hot minute to realize this because SURELY they would’ve come out to Feliciano by now…right???

Nope. They forgot. Italy didn’t get the news till late 2017, he still won’t let it go btw.

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threadsun · 9 months

Note

Favorite color? You can’t help but ask them why that’s the first question they ask you “Someone’s favorite color can say a lot about them, and it’s something most people know off the top of their head. It also probably comes from how many kids I meet” You tell them you were wondering why they were so colorful “Oh, well that’s because I’m literally a clown. Though I guess all my bright colors do make me look like I’m from a cartoon, huh?” You two chuckle and you agree with them, saying that they’d make a great action figure

Jack laughs at this “Aww, you’re too kind, I’ll let you know if our merch team ever makes one. I’d love to see you play with me” A shiver runs up your spine as their voice dips into something lower, seductive even, before snapping back to his original tone “How’d you like Rory? He’s pretty great, right?” The tone shift makes your head spin for a second before responding, agreeing that Rory is nice to talk to “Yeah, he’s really sweet when you get to know him, he’d make a great harem member if I might be so bold” You chuckle and ask if he has a harem “Huh? Oh…you don’t know much about what leading the cult entails do you?”

Your face falls, that familiar feeling of anxiety pooling in your stomach. You ask him what he’s talking about “Well, there are a lot of things the leader is expected to do but one thing you’ll have to establish is who gets to be in your harem. People will flock to you once they all know you’re here and all of them want to please you. The harem is a system that makes sure people don’t do something stupid like try to have sex with you in public” You laugh, they don’t

You look at him for a moment before asking if he’s serious “Oh yeah, it was a real problem before the founder established his. If you’re still unsure who you’d like to be in it by week's end just pick someone you’re friends with to hold them off. Though make sure you tell them they’re just there because they're your friend, don’t wanna kill anyone now, do we?” even though you’re both outside in the afternoon sun you feel ice cold, you’d expected weird shit, it is a cult after all, but this is just something else. You can’t even tell if they’re kidding about your rejection killing someone, the way he says it is so flat, like they’re telling you the sky is blue or fire is hot

You tell them you’ll keep it in mind and you start to look around as you try to think of another conversation topic. As you do you notice all the houses look nearly identical, not an uncommon occurrence in neighborhoods to be sure, but it’s more than a little uncanny. Every now and again you see a group of children playing after school, all of them wave at Jack as you pass by. You remember them saying that they talked to a lot of kids and decide to ask them about it

“Oh, I’m the elementary teacher! Though I also do counseling for the older kids. It can be rough going through life alone, I just wanna be there them” It’s only when their voice drops do you realize they’ve been performing this whole time. Their voice has been light, almost bubbly all this time, but in that moment they sound so down to earth, like they really care about these kids. You can’t help but smile

“Oh, here we are!” Their voice regains its bouncy quality as he walks down someone’s driveway “Now, I’ll make sure to tell him who you are but don’t be surprised if he gives you a bit of a death glare when he sees you. Jean’s never been fond of newcomers” You thank them as they knock on Jean’s front door. It takes a minute but eventually the door opens, the man inside looks a bit awkward, having to cross his left arm over to open it. He gives you your warned death glare before it turns to something more confused “Hey Jean, I thought I’d bring you some coffee cake after your readjustment. This is-” Jean’s eyes widen and before they can get it out, Jean says your name

Sorry if this one feels a bit short, but I find it only hurts a project to extend it but hope you like it anyhow! Also sorry for sending in so many things at once my brain is just buzzing

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm losing my mind at how good this is!!!!!!!!! The way you write all the characters is so good!!!! Also flirty Jack 👀😳

#sunshine #cult town au #never apologise for the length any amount is good!! Especially when it gets the scene across so well!!#my brain is ALSO buzzing I can't stop thinking about this AU

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awkwardgtace · 2 years

Text

Morning Surprises

day 19 same size. Assassin Mira wakes up to someone impossible on top of her

Morning Surprises

Mira woke up to a heavy feeling on top of her. She knew it well, a person bigger than her was there. She had a million ideas run through her head, but the first was Corus. Zeke wasn’t here, he’d gone to Kaya’s. She couldn’t feel the small man on her chest, and her hands were free. She took a deep breath and heard a groan near her ears. She didn’t have much time before this person acted.

She slowly slid her arms up until she had herself positioned just right. The person on top of her was on their back, a strange choice for her line of work. She snapped her eyes open and shoved the person off her. She jumped up and pushed them down, twisting their arms behind their back. She held their arms together firmly with one hand and pulled a dagger from beneath her bed. She leaned forward and held the dagger to their throat.

“Who are you and how did you find me?” she growled. The form beneath her felt oddly familiar, but she couldn’t place it. The hair just below the strangers broad shoulders was cut unevenly. They started to struggle, but she pricked their neck with her blade. “Tell me now and what you did with the small man that was with me.”

“Mira? I-is that you? You sound a lot quieter, can you let me up?” the stranger asked. The voice made her pause, it sounded like Corus. It couldn’t be him though, he’s small enough to hold in one hand. She pressed their arms down into their back.

“I’m not playing around, if you tell me where he is and who sent you I’ll give you a quick death.”

“Mira, it’s me, it’s Corus! Please don’t.”

She wasn’t happy this person was playing games. They must have bugged her home. She stood up and kicked them off her bed. She grabbed a gun off the top of the cabinet and kicked a pillow onto their chest. She stepped off, glaring at the person on the ground. They looked identical to the small man currently missing. She wasn’t foolish, she knew the way disguises could go. She straddled them as they tried to get up, they almost seemed confused while they moved.

“I won't ask you again, what did you do with Corus? You’ve been watching me long enough to think you’d succeed like this. Where is he?” she growled. The stranger's eyes widened as she aimed the gun at them. They tried to struggle, she was actually impressed by their strength. She knew how to combat a stronger opponent, she’s had to for her life. “One more move and I’ll shoot you now.”

“Mira, wait!” they shouted. She almost faltered hearing her name in that voice, but it couldn’t be him. “It’s really me, I don’t know what’s going on. You met me and Zeke because one of us stole a needle you laced with poison. I know we never said it, but I took it from you. I’d been getting a bit more brazen to try and prove to Zeke you were leaving things out on purpose!”

“You have until the count of three. One…”

“Y-you didn’t know how to deal with us right after and started to avoid us. I kept trying to be near you and eventually you gave in! I sleep on your chest or in your hand when you’re home.”

“Two.” She cocked the gun, she’d avoided using them after the two borrowers moved in. Corus wasn’t here and neither was Zeke. She gripped the pillow in one hand, she knew how to handle this.

“You’re Lavender. A master assassin. You knew we were here for a while, you never told us exactly how long.” She narrowed her eyes, some of that was information anyone who’d found her could learn. Especially if they managed to sneak in and take Corus while she slept. They probably drugged her.

“Three.” She moved the pillow in front of the gun.

“Wait! Wait! The first time we kissed was after I followed along on a mission because I snuck in a bag you were taking. You had some weird stuff on your lips that covered me in cherry goo and I said you shouldn’t clean me off until we were done!”

Mira let her arm fall to her side. There was no way to know that unless it was really him. Even if her home was bugged there was no way to know which car she’d go to after that night. She stood up and moved away from him… from Corus. She emptied the gun and set it aside, he could hurt himself now. He didn’t know how to use it. She turned and watched as he climbed to his feet.

He was taller than her by a lot. She looked up at him, taking in all the details she couldn’t usually make out on his face. She would have killed him. She almost killed him. She was seconds from pulling the trigger. She stared at her hands, she was shaking. She was even more dangerous than when he was a few inches tall.

She jumped when large hands covered her own. She tried to pull away, but he held her firmly. He held both her hands in one hand before placing one under her chin. He made her look up and he was smiling at her. She couldn’t understand how he’d smile at her after that. She didn’t know what to do.

“Did you know, I wondered if I’d be taller than you if I was a human? I guess I wondered if you’d be shorter than me as a borrower too,” he laughed. She tugged away again, but he was stronger than her. She couldn’t outmatch in raw strength, and that kept her hands firmly in his grip.

“How… why are you human? This doesn’t make sense. I-I…” she tried. She couldn’t figure it out. He finally let her hands go and pulled her tightly into a hug. He rested his head on hers and she tried to push away.

“I don’t know and I don’t care. It was kind of cool seeing how you’d act if a random human did break in. At least I’d know what to expect now.” He pressed his hand against the back of her head. It felt weird having someone human holding her. It was almost nice having someone like this, but this wasn’t Corus either.

“I… I almost killed you.” She didn’t even know how loud to be now. The arms around her tightened and he started to pet her head. “I… this proves how unsafe I am for you.”

“You almost killed someone who was suddenly in the legendary assassin’s home and might have taken someone you cared about.”

She shook her head and tried to squirm away. He didn’t let her, holding her tighter. For the first time she got a good look at the clothes he wore. They had such perfect stitches, but the cloth felt strange. She felt bad even touching it, her hands were drenched in blood. If he was human for good he could be free of the dark world she exists in.

“Mira, I don’t know what’s going through your head, but I really want to just see your face right now. I’m pretty sure if I let go you’re going to run away though. Will you please stay?” he whispered. His whispering voice sounded odd. His voice felt deeper and louder even then. He didn’t sound like her Corus, but it was him. She nodded against his chest.

He slowly pulled his arms away. She hugged herself as she stepped back and looked up into his eyes. It felt impossible to see him like this. He just stared at her without a word. She started to shuffle on her feet, someone looking at her never felt so weird. She wanted to disappear, she almost thought it would be better if she’d woken up small. When he smiled it made her heart skip a beat.

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers. She widened her eyes as he just kept staring at her. Slowly he moved closer, a look in his eyes she’d grown to know well. She froze, she hadn’t expected him to act like this. She kept her eyes locked on his as he finally pressed his lips onto hers. Her mind completely blanked as they kissed. It felt different from her times kissing him while he was a few inches tall. When they finally parted she couldn’t speak.

“Yeah, that was better than I imagined,” he sighed. She shivered as his breath washed over her. “Mira, I kind of like looking down at you. You’re almost cuter than when I’m my real height.”

“O-oh,” she mumbled. Somehow thinking he liked her better like this hurt. He might be small again and not like her anymore. He placed his hands on her cheeks and kept her facing him before she even tried to look away.

“Hey, I said almost. I love looking up at you and having you be everything in my world. Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking.”

“Corus… I-” He pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her. She didn’t know quite how to feel about him being able to do that. Although she usually just kept an eye on him when they spoke so he didn’t have to try to speak over her.

“Stop, I don’t know why this happened or how long. Can we just do human things for a day? I want to be with you like a human could.” She didn’t have a good answer, it should be no. They should be finding out what happened and being careful about it, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She just nodded and he hugged her again. His chest was so much bigger than she would have thought.

“I guess we should get you more human looking clothes first.” He pulled away and made a face at her. She smiled as he folded his arms over his chest.

“What are my usual clothes not good enough to be out doing human things?”

“Nope, they’re strange. They don’t look right, the cloth is weird. Come on, I’ll take you to a mall. We’ll get you some clothes there, at least a few outfits. If you go back to your normal size after then we can use them to make more clothes for you and Zeke.”

“Fine, but I get to treat you like I’ve seen boyfriends do in movies.” She laughed at him, he made it sound like some huge promise. She realized it might be to him, he never could before. She nodded, his smile was blinding.

Mira took him to a mall closer than she usually went to. It was safest to stay close in case he changed back. She dragged him into the first store and started to search for clothes he’d blend in with. He was enamored by everything he saw. It was like she got to see a simple clothes store for the first time again. She knew how to avoid curious employees which let him explore things he’d never seen.

She picked out simple clothes, but he was drawn to shirts with designs he could never make on his own. She laughed when he came out of the dressing room in an orange Hawaiian shirt and bright blue shorts. It took more convincing than she would have liked to make him give up on wearing them right away. Eventually he wore a shirt with the design of some rock band she heard of a few times and plain jeans.

Mira took him back to the car quickly to drop off the things they’d bought. Their day would be here mostly, but she didn’t want to carry clothes around for hours. She almost missed the way he jumped as people walked by them. He may be human sized, but he wasn’t a human. She had to remember that today, she had to let him have fun and ignore her fears.

“It’ll be too bad about these when I get small again,” Corus mumbled as they walked back inside. He didn’t see the appeal to the jeans Mira picked out, but he liked the shirt.

“Didn’t you ask me not to think about things like that? Just enjoy today,” she smiled at him. Looking down at her smile had him going insane. It was his Mira, but it wasn’t at the same time. He loved her, but he missed having her being his entire world. He still smiled and nodded.

She brought him around to a lot of strange places he knew were stores. She showed him toys that he’d seen in shows and movies. They looked wrong to him. Some were almost funny when he considered how big they’d be to him normally. Mira kept asking for places he wanted to see, but he didn’t think of this ever happening. He couldn’t think of any until they finally passed a pet store. Humans always liked animals like that, he couldn’t see why.

Mira noticed his interest and brought him over, asking to see the kittens up for adoption. The human in the store let him into a place that seemed like a death trap for his real size. He sat down like he was instructed and small furry animals were placed near him. Seeing a cat from this size made the fear feel almost pointless. They were cute and the little claws didn’t do much. He’d almost lost himself when a toy about his real size was thrown in and one of the kittens pounced.

“Look at that man,” a human whispered. He wasn’t sure if they were loud or his hearing was sensitive, but he didn’t like the way they sounded. “He’d be perfect for one of my kids. Do you think that girl is with him?”

“Of course not, probably just a sister. She’s one of those strange children born with the odd colors, a man like that wouldn’t be with her. Probably makes the family struggle because of her ‘uniqueness’,” another human answered. He narrowed his eyes and looked up at Mira who had just leaned on the wall near him.

“Hey Mira,” he said as he climbed to his feet. She started to say something, but he stopped her with a kiss. He couldn’t believe how different it was this time. She tasted like lavenders and it made him smile. He heard the two other humans scoff, but he didn’t care.

“Sir, if you’re done with the kittens I’ll need you to leave,” the working human said. He just nodded and climbed over the wall. Mira and the other human widened their eyes. Mira acted fast and grabbed his hand pulling him from the store. She was laughing as they ran.

“You almost blew it, humans usually let them open the gate for us to get out,” she smiled. He didn’t care, he loved how happy she looked.

Mira brought him to somewhere called a food court. He didn’t get what that meant, but it was probably a place for food. He was starting to get hungry. She stood in the middle of a crowded place for a few minutes looking around. He didn’t know why she did, but he didn’t like it. Humans kept walking by and a lot were looking at him in ways he hated. He only wanted Mira to look at him like that.

“Corus, what’s something you always wanted to try eating?” she asked. He didn’t have an answer, he didn’t know human foods well. He did remember one thing she had a few times, it smelled good and he kind of wanted to try it.

“You brought home something in a white bag once. You didn’t eat all of it, and we took some. It had a lot of stuff on it, there was also the stuff in plastic containers you used to bring home. You were more careful with them, but I was wondering what they were,” he answered. She nodded and looked around for a bit before seeming to make a decision. She brought him to a table and had him sit in a chair.

“I’ll be right back, trust me ok?” He nodded, he’d always trust her. Even if he was suddenly normal again she’d find him and keep him safe. He knew it.

Mira disappeared into the mass of humans and he watched them. It was weird to see how normal it all looked at this size. It was like the colonies he was told about before going off on his own. People living together and thriving. He didn’t know how to feel with everything anymore. He wanted to be his normal size, but Mira was having fun. She might prefer him like this.

“Is this seat taken?” someone asked. He looked up to find a woman with brown hair and blue eyes like his own looking over him. There was a seat open next to him so it should be fine for her to take it. He shook his head at her. “Oh good, I was worried someone like you already had a girlfriend.”

The stranger sat across from him and he frowned. He didn’t know how to make humans leave. She started talking, but he couldn’t get himself to answer. It wasn’t easy to face a human he didn’t know directly. He just kept thinking about if he suddenly went back to normal. She said something about leaving with him and he shook his head frantically. He jumped when something landed on the table in front of him.

“I’ll be back in a second,” Mira murmured and rushed off.

“Ugh, was that your sister? She’s one of those freaks. I feel so bad for you, I guess you got the good genes in the family,” the stranger said. He glared at her.

“You’re the second person today to call her a freak, I don’t get it. What makes her a freak?” he asked. The human just blinked at him before laughing.

“Are you kidding me? She has that weird hair. Not to mention those eyes. Those people are freaks. There’s always something wrong with them.”

“Leave, now.” He glared at the stranger. She looked shocked that he got upset, she tried to reach over and grab his hand.

“Hey, I’ll be nice if she’s your sister don-”

“I’m here with her. I’m in love with her. She isn’t my sister. Now leave.”

He didn’t pay attention as she said something more. The stranger did leave at least. He looked around and found Mira. She was carrying another of those tray things she’d already dropped by him. It was amazing watching as she seemed to dance around people. She finally reached him and he didn’t have words. She set the tray down, but looked a bit confused.

“Didn’t you want to talk to that person?” she asked. He grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to sit next to him.

“Not at all. I didn’t know how to make her leave at first,” he sighed. He leaned against her, the closest he could get to what he wanted. He wanted to rest on her chest and have her heartbeat pounding beneath him.

“We should eat before it gets cold. I got some of everything so you can try a bunch of food.” He smiled and laughed. She was always focused on something he couldn’t pinpoint.

“Whatever you say. You know I’m used to cold food.” She grabbed something wrapped up and handed it to him.

“That’s why you have to try this now, in case you go back…”

He forced his smile to stay as he took what she gave him. He kept saying when and she said if, he didn’t know what to make of it. He tried to push the doubt growing in his chest away as he followed her instructions to unwrap the food. It was weird to see it small like this. He got distracted just looking at it and the other things she bought.

After a bit she nudged him to try it. He did what she said and couldn’t believe how different it was. He’d had the pieces before, Mira gave them plenty, but this was different. He almost couldn’t believe how different the taste was. Mira grabbed something and held it out to him. She smiled as he tried that and was blown away. He wanted to find a way to have this stuff when he was normal sized.

It took them a while, but eventually the two ate everything Mira had bought. She said they didn’t have to, but Corus wasn’t going to waste the chance to have human meals like this. She got up to get rid of things and sat across from him when she came back. He looked at her and kept wondering what she thought about him like this. If she wanted him to stay like this, to live like this.

Corus reached over and grabbed her hand. She tilted her head, but followed what he wanted. He lifted it up and had her hand flat, but up in the air. He looked it over, coming to terms with how small her hands seemed at that moment. He fit in them, she could hide him in her grip usually. He placed one of his against hers. His fingers were longer and palm wider. He’d be terrifying to see at his normal height. He almost wished she’d gotten smaller, it would be easier to know what she wanted then.

“Your hands are bigger than mine,” she whispered. He nodded, he didn’t have any kind of goal with this. He just wanted to see how he looked to her. “It’s weird isn’t it? Seeing things like this…”

“Yeah…” She slid her fingers between his and held his hand. It seemed like she was worried about something. “What’s wrong?”

“Aren’t you curious? Why they keep making those comments about me?” He shook his head. He gripped her hand tighter, it didn’t matter to him.

“No, it doesn’t change anything. I don’t care. I can be pretty positive that I wouldn’t care if I was born a human too.” She smiled at him, it felt different than the ones he saw all day. He didn’t want to see the others anymore, just this one. He leaned forward and pulled her hand making her lean forward too. “I think I’ve had enough of other humans. Can we go home?”

She kept that smile he liked more and nodded. Mira stood and tried to pull her hand free. Corus kept his grip on her and smirked when she looked up at him. Her face turned red and she brought him through the stupidly large building. There were more whispers about her, each time he tried to hold her hand a bit tighter.

They were almost out when he heard more insults and finally had enough. He stopped for a second forcing Mira to follow. She looked at him confused but he was sick of these humans. They all kept acting like Mira was something bad, she was amazing. She knew what he was and still wanted to be with him. He bent and swiped her legs out from under her. He caught her back with his other arm.

“Corus what are you doing?!” she shouted. He laughed and held her closer. If he got stuck this big he wouldn’t mind if he could do more things like this.

“Making the humans stop thinking anything but the truth about us,” he grinned. She was bright red before he leaned down and kissed her again. He heard one of the ones insulting her complaining, but he didn’t care. Nothing would take him from Mira.

He carried her outside, only putting her down when he had to admit he didn’t know where the car was. He would have wandered around until she told him he found it if she let him. Instead she just shook her head and gently grabbed his hand. Feeling her small hand in his was a strangely bright sensation this time. She dragged him to the car and the two got in.

She drove them home and it felt almost wrong. He was still human, she still seemed to prefer it. He didn’t know what to do when he went back to normal. He didn’t want to lose her. He grabbed the bags of clothes she bought for him before she could. She looked almost hurt in some way, but he had to be imagining that. Inside he left the bags off to the side.

Corus dragged her to the couch and pulled her down with him. He just wanted to be with her until they had to figure out what was next. Mira seemed reluctant, but did sit and lay against him. It was nice having her with him like this. He did almost want to keep her like this, never share her with anyone else. He pulled her closer, he wished he knew how much longer he’d have like this.

“Corus…” she whispered. He pressed his head on the top of hers. He never would have realized how small she was without this. He almost wanted to be bigger to protect her. “Do you… do you want to stay here if you stay human?”

“Where else would I go?” he laughed. He didn’t know what was in her head, but he didn’t have many options even if he left. He couldn’t lose her.

“I have some favors I can call in. I could set you up somewhere that you and Zeke would be fine on your own. Doubly so if this happened to him too. You don’t have to stay here.” She never knew how obvious she was to him. He pulled away to face her. Corus gently placed his hands on her shoulders and started to push her down. She let him until he was hovering over her, staring at the face he loved. He wanted to see all the details he couldn’t as a human. The little marks she didn’t know she had.

“I would only do that if I could stay with you.” Her eyes went wide, but she looked away.

“No, it would be better for you to leave and forget about me. Those people today weren’t wrong I’m not… I’m good at my job because of what makes me look like this. I can just perceive more than normal people. It’s why I knew where you two were… and why I grabbed the gun this morning, I knew no one your size was close enough to hear it…”

“Explains why you can always find us.” He laughed and leaned closer to her. He could almost see the details he was missing. “How different do I look to you now?”

“I see more, little details I couldn’t make out.” She reached a hand up and cupped his cheek. He leaned into the feeling. “It’s things I notice on everyone else, but I never did on you. Little lines from laughing that haven’t become obvious. The details paint a history, pain and fear plus joy. I can’t explain it amazingly, no one like me can. We just see through people, that's how others say it. It’s why I make sure about all my targets, I can sort of tell when there’s more.”

“I don’t mind you seeing through me.” He leaned forward until his forehead was against hers. He could tell she wanted to run, but he wouldn’t let her. “Mira, would you hate me if I said I miss being my real size? That I miss seeing details like that on you”

He shifted his head down to rest his ear over her heart. He could hear as the beat started to pick up. He didn’t make her heart race like this in his real size. He wanted to know what she thought, did she want a human? He wouldn’t hate her for it, he got an idea of how small he was when he looked at her hand. He slipped an arm beneath her and pulled her against him.

“Would you hate me if I said I miss it too?” she whispered. Corus froze, slowly shifting his head up to look at her. Pink eyes shining with tears about to fall. He couldn’t believe this was another way they were the same. She took a shuddering breath and looked away from him. “You were the first person who I couldn’t read. It was easy enough to predict how to act for everyone, but not you. I… I like not reading you.”

He buried his face in her chest and started laughing. All day he worried she would hate him for not wanting to stay human. He felt like an idiot, they were perfect for each other as they were. He pushed himself up, letting her fall to the couch again. He hovered over her, one of the few things he could see being human was good for. He kind of liked how she seemed small to him.

Corus leaned forward and smirked. Mira gasped before closing her eyes. He liked doing this, some human size things he wouldn’t mind keeping. He started another kiss, gently at first. Slowly he managed to open her lips. It felt like his whole body was on fire as they kissed. The fire was replaced by an ice running through his veins. He couldn’t even pull away before it happened.

He felt as his body started to change. It felt like time slowed as his arms started pulling away from her. He didn’t want to lose this moment, shifting his hands as it happened. He felt the way his spot straddling her became more difficult to keep. He didn’t know how to avoid this ending until her hands found his sides. She was helping him, he had no idea how to make sure they didn’t stop.

As he started to find himself on top of her he slid forward. It was painstakingly slow, but her hands brought him closer. As his lips got smaller he thought for sure she’d make him stop, tell him to be safe. Instead he was brought closer to her face as each inch he lost brought him back to normal. Eventually he got smaller faster and she lost her grip on him. He fell on her chest, he could hear the sound of wind going through her lungs. She started laughing.

“I wonder if we just have some bad luck with kissing,” she laughed. The way he bounced on her chest made him smile. He laughed too, crawling across her chest to lay on her heart. “What are you doing?”

“Shh,” he complained. He made it where he wanted and curled up on top of her heart. He just listened for a bit before sighing. “I was missing this all day. I love hearing your heart.”

Hands bigger than him came and rested over his form. He loved her hands holding him close, the way the sound echoed in the little cave she made for him. He curled up even smaller and reached up to touch her fingers. Her heart started to race again, he wanted to find more ways to do that like this. She started laughing again and her hands pressed down to keep him still.

“Your clothes changed with you, I guess you have jeans now,” she giggled. She curled her fingers around him. She missed this, holding him close and having him safe. She thought he’d leave her, that he would realize that was smarter. This was the best outcome she could hope for. He started to laugh after he squirmed under her hands. She’d have to see what happened to his real clothes too. She hoped today had been real.

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