#somebody take aggie away from me

[qualityrain]

i dont know anything about bsd this is what dazai is going to be like in the next chapters ok trust courtesy of @crystals-trash-heap for sending the video of mamoru miyano

[spitfire-of-the-sea]

Island Adventures

Me trying to write Ace x reader as a trial for once. :D

SFW! Random Spade Pirates scenario!

It was absolutely 100% your own fault.

Why would you ever have allowed the assumption to take up residence in your head that you could have a relaxing couple of days layover on an island? Just because it was barely marked on the map and had no marine presence? Just because it was a tropical paradise with white beaches, turquoise waters and a quaint little mountain village? Or, perhaps, because you’d been convinced that there was absolutely no trouble to be steered up here?

No other pirates. No marines. No pissing contest between the boys when you went ashore.

You had wandered into the village together with the others and went straight for the market – the sheer amount of colorful, delicious-looking fruits had simply drawn you in, your attention completely shifted from your crew mates to the old woman beckoning you closer to taste a few of them. You had barely heard Ace proclaiming that he was hungry and only waved when he grabbed Deuce to wander off. Aggie had muttered something about checking out the special wood the island offered and you had long since stopped listening to Saber and his enthusiastic elaborations on how he planned to seduce the local hotties. A category that encompassed basically any person he thought attractive. Which, to his credit, he generously considered most people that weren’t dicks.

So you stood there, juicy pink fruit in your hand and chewing away happily, chatting with the old woman.  She was telling you about the way it was harvested and how it grows only on this very island, a marvel of co-evolution with the endemic bat populations. It was when she’d reached the point of seed distribution by poop – not the best topic over a snack, but hey, she gave you free samples, so who were you to object? – when you heard yelling from the far side of the village.

Which should have been your first hint, to be honest.

Not paying too much attention, you nodded your head along to her rambling. “Any bird could do the same, though, no?”

“Ah, you might believe that… but no…!” the woman told you and held up a finger. She flinched when there was a loud crash and you licked your lips, grabbing another piece. You managed one full bite before a sinking feeling settled somewhere deep in your stomach, pulling at you, dragging a cold finger down your spine.

“Halt! Stop him!” somebody shouted angrily. Quite angrily.

Swallowing you slowly turned toward the direction the shouts were coming from and realized that they were rapidly increasing in volume. The little hairs on the nape of your neck came to stand on end.

Really. 100% your own fault. In which world would there ever be a day when the Spade Pirates could just peacefully visit a little village in the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere?

“I apologize profusely for the inconvenience the lack of coinage in my pockets may have caused you…!”

In none. In. no. single. world. Ever.

Not a moment later your dear captain, Ace D. Portgas, came bursting out of a side street, skidding to a halt for a second. You stared at him, almost dropping the fruit. When he finally caught sight of you, his face lit up with a bright smile and he waved at you. Enthusiastically.

“Does he belong to you?” the old woman asked, squinting at you and slowly grabbing her walking stick.

Your eyes were fixed on your captain. His hat had fallen off his head and hung loosely on his back, held only by a little string. His black hair was a mess. You were pretty sure that you saw a noodle stuck to his cheek. He kept waving and made his way over.

“No,” you answered and carefully took a step back. “Doesn’t belong to me.”

At least you wouldn’t dare to claim that. He didn’t listen to a single word you said – unless it involved food, lunch, dinner or breakfast. His ability to follow commands was non-existent; he claimed it was because he was your captain but you suspected it was because he had a strong tendency to simply do whatever the fuck he wanted, logic and survival instincts be damned. Plus, you were wearing his Jolly Roger on your clothes. So, technically speaking… it was rather the other way round. So you hadn’t lied.

Next thing you knew, Ace had sprinted up to you and ducked, his hands landing on the back of your thighs. Surprised, you jerked upright, eyes widening. You opened your mouth to protest but before you could utter a single sound he had lifted you up, thrown you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and took off in a full-out-run.

“What the-…?!” you huffed before something came flying past you, almost hitting you in the head. It was difficult, but you managed to somehow get your arms out from under you and brace yourself against Ace’s back – which allowed you to look up and see the angry mob following you. A spatula came hurtling toward you and you barely managed to duck your head in time.

It clanged against Ace’s back but he kept running as if nothing had happened.

“Stop!” somebody shouted.

“Pay your bills, you damn pirate!” somebody else joined in.

“You ate your way through half my larder…!” a third one screeched. A plate came flying.

Once again you opened your mouth but just in that moment he jumped down a few steps and his shoulder dug into your soft belly, squeezing all air from you. You wheezed.

“I am very sorry! I was really hungry!” Ace yelled, not even turning around. He hurtled over a fence and for a sickening moment you were airborne, suspended completely in the air.

Shit.

The next moment, the shoulder of your dear captain found its home in the space previously occupied by your stomach and you were pretty sure you were getting motion-sick. Unable to speak and too busy to gasp for air like a goldfish, you did the only thing you could still manage: you hammered your fist against Ace’s back. And because it felt good, you did it again.

What felt less good was the fact that the bastard didn’t even flinch, instead he jumped to the side and moved both of you out of the way of a knife that came flying straight at you just in time.

“Minor inconvenience,” he informed you. “It seems I forgot my wallet on board!”

You’d have liked to tell him that you knew this was complete bullshit because you knew for a fact that he’d forgotten his wallet already on the last island. And on the one before. Where the hell had Deuce been when this happened? He’d been on duty to watch Ace today!

“We’ll just depart early! Deuce is getting Aggie and Saber down to the ship while we’re drawing the heat!” he said and you gave up your struggle to see how quickly the mob was catching up, going limp for a moment.

“What the hell is he doing?!” somebody shouted.

Which was a mistake. Now your face was dangling just in front of his ass. Not that you’d normally complain about being this close to his rather shapely ass that but it was a bit distracting and you hadn’t even begun to think about how you could get out of the situation. Why the hell were you now am involuntary part of the distraction team?!

Still. Prime view.

Then, with more alarm: “Oi! You guys…! Stop! The cliff!”

Wait. What.

“Cliff?” you wheezed.

You didn’t get an answer. Instead you felt Ace leap forward, his hands still tightly locked on your thighs. For a moment all the shouts died down. You were up in the air again. Problem was… there was no ground below you anymore.

“You’ll have to swim us over to the ship!” Ace yelled at you happily and then gravity embraced you and pulled you down into reality and toward a very far away and yet fat approaching sea.

“Aaaaaaaa……!” your yell could be heard ringing out through the island. The rest of your words suffocated by your windpipe closing up in panic. You’d wanted to yell Aaaaaaaaace I’m going to fucking kill you!

Somewhere on the other side of the village, making their way down to the ship Deuce, Aggie and Saber winced at the sound and hurried along. There was a 50% chance they’d have to save their captain from actively being drowned.

[leonardcohenofficial]

Wait Maddie as a certified theater mutual™ what do you think the significance is of like WHY they chose to make emotional vs physical intimacy such a key part of the values of the show? Part of me is wondering how it might reflect the realities of the people involved with the show and the things they themselves are maybe consciously or subconsciously insecure or even defensive about. Or maybe as part of the larger message that the show was trying to get across about how war leaves people untouched. But i don't actually know! Do you have thots on that? The why of it all?

solid question jones; i do think that part of it is likely the context of sex being treated as less weighty/intense within the context of MASH first being produced in 1972 after the kickoff of the sexual revolution. there's not really any moralizing about sex the way that there might have been had the show been produced ten years earlier; the way the show treats henry's sex lectures and the ways trapper and hawkeye are constantly hitting on the nurses and even frank and margaret's whole deal are, to me, reflective of the fact that views about sex in popular culture were shifting and hemming and hawing about everyone at the 4077th fucking all the time wouldn't do much for the show's audience. to me this also relates to the fact that nobody really bats an eye at the idea that hawkeye and carlye were living together before they were married, which is definitely more a reflection of "the more i see you" airing in 1976 than any historical accuracy of how anybody would have reacted in 1951.

which is interesting in regard to why the show emphasizes emotional intimacy over physical/sexual!! i think that the episodes that do explore the dichotomy—henry in love, life with father, bombed, the more i see you, hanky panky, comrades in arms, major ego, war co-respondent, etc. etc.—end up placing more weight on emotional intimacy than physical because it's easier to find a moment of physical respite than it is emotional. it also seems to be less of a moral failing to sleep with somebody than it is to be emotionally unfaithful; not that people are considered "bad" if they get emotionally involved, but that there's a weird weight to "emotionally cheating." of the episodes i've named, i'll briefly talk about what i think they're doing with these themes:

"henry in love" finds henry sleeping with a twenty year old, which is the main point of conflict in the episode between henry and the rest of the 4077th, who don't want him to throw away his marriage. the episode resolves with henry fully realizing that lorraine is the real thing and that his thing with nancy really wasn’t worth it

similarly in "life with father," henry's freakout over lorraine telling him that it's okay if he sleeps with other people seems to be less about her sleeping with other people, and more about the fear of them losing their emotional intimacy if she goes to the dance with somebody else (an orthodontist—!)

trapper's first impulse while margaret is crying when they're stuck in the supply shed in "bombed" is to try and offer her physical comfort, which isn't what she wants or needs in the moment. it's very fitting given trapper isn't great with being emotionally vulnerable, and margaret doesn't want to fuck her problems away, which is pretty much just what she does with frank

everything about "the more i see you" has to do with hawkeye and carlye not only sleeping together, but trying to pick back up romatically, which they can't do because they're in different places emotionally, carlye's married, and their relationship isn't sustainable

BJ compares carrie to peg at multiple points throughout the episode and thinks that because carrie is "right here, and [she's] so attractive and so close and so vulnerable" that he's likely to get too emotionally involved and he'll be moved to try and sleep with her again; hawkeye, who views it as "one lousy goof," makes him swear an oath to "think about peg often," which would presumably take care of the emotional risk

both margaret and hawkeye clearly have their own weird hangups and are acting like cartoonish extreme versions of themselves in part II of "comrades in arms," but i think part of it is that margaret wants emotional intimacy that hawkeye can't give her (that she's also obviously not getting from donald because he's cheating on her, and her response is to sleep with hawkeye in a moment of shared fear); meanwhile hawkeye, who is established to have weird hangups about sleeping specifically with married people, is treating her like an asshole i think partially because, as he states later, "maybe [they] cared for each other a little bit more than either of [them] would like"

"major ego" is a big deal for margaret's personal life because she was able to sleep with tom without the emotional weight or expectation for more; as she says, "for the first time since my divorce, i was free of my husband. i finally let him go"

there is so much to say about "war co-respondent" but it really comes down to the fact that BJ, as he states four seasons earlier, he "can't divide [him]self emotionally [...] not because god'll send [him] to hell without an electric fan, or because it's not the right thing to do. [he] simply [doesn't] want to." until he desperately wants to with aggie. as he states, "'til aggie showed up, i was convinced peg was the only woman in the world for me. i never met a woman like her. she's so different, so exciting. hawk, she's all i can think about. and not just about being in bed with her. i'm thinking about being with her." this is the issue. it's not that BJ just wants to sleep with her, it's about the emotional intimacy and the fear of losing the lifeline to mill valley

i think hawkeye's follow up to BJ's speech in "war co-respondent" is actually the show's mission statement: "funny thing about a war: people with absolutely nothing in common get thrown together and they really start caring about each other." this to me is the theme that runs throughout the entire show; MASH is exploring what it means to build those connections, and seems to put more weight on that type of intimacy—both "good" and "bad"—in a way that's really interesting to see shift throughout the seasons

(i don't have a whole lot to say in regard to the realities of the folks on the show besides alan and arlene alda laughing at barbara walters for suggesting in that one interview that there was even a REMOTE chance alan would be interested in cheating on arlene, but i think generally speaking the people on MASH were intersted in exploring the complexities of intimacy within the context of war and how that shifts priorities and the way we make meaning together)

[thegreymoon]

"Merlin not only loved Gwen at least as much as Arthur did, but was also far more loyal and consistent." - gentle reminder that Arthur thought Gwen betrayed him right before their wedding, whereas Merlin knew that Morgana had enchanted Lancelot. Also, Arthur needed to get married for the sake of Camelot. ps the Eira plot annoyed me too. As if Gwaine would be that stupid. Pfffft.

Hi, anon! I really have to stand by my opinion here. 

When it comes to Arthur and Gwen, the whole shade!Lancelot mess isn’t even my biggest issue because, yes, as you said, she did cheat on him right before their wedding, and yes, she did so much damage to him as a king, and he never knew about the magic involved. However, even before that, he kept breaking up with her every two episodes because, first, oh, there is a princess-of-the-week that I must marry and oh, what will daddy think, and then, oh what will uncle Aggy think! Like... the early stuff is understandable, and Uther I get, he would have killed her if he knew, but season 4 Arthur was on so much bullshit long before shade!Lancelot. 

The power imbalance between them was staggering. There she was, waiting for him with everything on the line (including her very life) while he wavered back and forth, and she would just quietly accept whenever he rejected her, and then just as quietly take him back when he apologized, usually after Merlin got on his ass about it. There are maybe two scenes where she loses her temper and ~speaks her mind~ in front of him (and both times it was about him saying please and thank you when somebody brings him lunch). It’s frustrating because these scenes are such red herrings that people use as evidence for how he ~respected~ her opinion and how she could speak freely around him, when, in truth, she was always so careful about what she said and how she said it, always so respectful and deferential of him, always waiting patiently for him to come around (which usually happened after Merlin slapped him upside the head). The difference in status between them never went away, even after they were married, whereas she was always herself with Merlin, and Merlin was the one who was constant and consistent throughout their entire relationship. There was never a moment when he wasn’t in her corner, including when she tried to kill both him and Arthur (and nearly succeeded) during her evil spree. In fact, during that time when Merlin was the one possessed, she caught on immediately because it was so out of character for him to be nasty and territorial towards her. They were never in competition with each other, the two of them were a team long before she and Arthur became one.   

Then we get to season 5 and she is finally Queen, but Arthur is so distant! It is Merlin who remembers their anniversaries and the little gifts and signs of affection, not Arthur! Never Arthur! What Arthur does is put on a performance of being married when he has to, hides things from her and lies to her, while Merlin fills in the blanks. And then when Uther comes back as a ghost and tries to kill her, Arthur whines, “But how could he do that to me, when he knows how much I love her?” conveniently forgetting that this is the man who murdered her father and tried to have her burned at the stake TWICE for petty reasons. Also, let's not forget that after all the trauma Uther put her through, Arthur still had her nursing his evil senile arse (of all the servants in Camelot!!) because he never once thought to tell her that no, you don’t need to do that, you don’t have to constantly keep proving your loyalty and devotion over and over again at the expense of your own mental well-being! 

Anyway, my point is, even without Lancelot in the mix, Arwen is such a bland and, dare I say it, messy pairing on its own. It works because ultimately, both Gwen and Arthur are super cute individually, therefore when things are good, they are also cute together. But without Merlin and all the effort he put into their relationship, I just don’t see their love lasting longer than a week. Merlin is the one who did all the emotional labour in that marriage, Gwen and Arthur just had candle-lit dinners and picnics together. Merlin was always in her corner, always checking in on her and if she’s OK (including through all the messes with Uther, while Arthur simply felt entitled to her just getting over it). Merlin was the one who always made sure that she knew that she is loved. Without Merwen, Arwen just does not work for me at all. 

(Before somebody comes after me about this, yes, I think that Merthur was unbalanced, messy and unhealthy too, but that is a whole different rant for another time. The difference for me is that even though both Merwen and Arwen are lovely in their own right, neither can actually stand on its own. Merwen without Arthur makes no sense within the narrative when we consider how integral Arthur was to both their lives, and Arwen would have died an ugly death without Merlin involved at all stages of their relationship. Merthur has no such problems, Gwen or no Gwen, healthy or unhealthy, dark or loving, they are bound and fated and exist on a level above all else in that show.)

Also, ugh! This is where I agree! All the hate for that Gwaine plot and her-who-shall-not-be-named! No love! And I was doing such a great job of forgetting that ever happened too! 🤮

[thatsystemerror]

the best things about Outer Banks

*spoilers ahead*

Holy hell, this turned out so long. I decided to make a second post solely dedicated to quotes because I just could not fit that in here anymore. I guess it speaks for this show that I had enough material to make two... Anyways, enjoy!

pt.2 - The Best Quotes From OUTER BANKS

NOT the pace at which John B and Sarah’s relationship develops

noT AT ALL

sorry, done with the venting now

anyhow, the group being TIGHT ™ 

JJ making you feel one of three ways:

“oh heLLO, JJ” (mostly without a shirt scenes)

“ugh, JJ” (he brought the gun and/or is being a dick scenes)

“awww, JJ...” (you know which scenes)

Kie’s outfits

the golden hour lighting

the sets being actual houses

the beach/sea/surfer aesthetic

the van

The Chateau™

JJ’s rings

Pope’s contributions being overlooked, always

everyone’s motivation on this show: “How much?” “400 mill”

conclusion: that’s worth fucking shit up

Kie actually being really skilled in politely but determinedly shutting her guy friends down when “macking” on her

ya know, until the Pope pity party at the end...

cuz that’s what it felt like, for real

I actually thought JJ and Pope might have a thing going...

the soundtrack full of surf guitar music

the intro font always making it feel like some 90s Miami-set crime show is about to start

John B’s hair, I think?

I mean, I don’t know what you’re into...

I just feel like it’s a breath of fresh air on the boy’s-hairstyles-tv-landscape

getting major “Don’t Breathe” vibes from the blind old lady shooting up her house

I appreciate them trying to make her actually kinda creepy, because they usually fail miserably with "scary” elements on non horror stuff

I don’t know if you catch my drift, just thought it was well done...

Sarah getting stung by a jellyfish and everyone just like not really caring??

all of them thinking for even oNE SECOND that they weren’t gonna get screwed over with the gold

JJ looking like the lead of any 90s teen production at all times

JJ just effortlessly blending in with the waiters at the party

or that time when he fake cried on command to save his ass

but like every character has good acting skills (or simply is a good liar, I guess it’s a matter of philosophy)

JJ and Pope betting money on Kie and Sarah

Kie starting a fire to save everyone’s ass

the Vlad and Val thing (cheesy for sure, but adorbs nonetheless)

highkey though the guy playing the drug dealer is a really good actor, cuz I’m sure he’s nice and cool and all irl but as Barry all he makes me think of is this:

Topper’s Frosted Tips™ (gosh that sounds so unbelieveabley sexual I can’t believe it’s not sexual)

JJ constantly trolling every authority figure

Sarah not being the perfect-snobby-rich-chick-daughter despite being expected to be by everyone

JJ robbing the coast guard of a pen? because he ignored him

“bring it on Aggie, you bitch” sign (I don’t think stroms can read but nice touch)

especially the first few episodes finally being an accurate depiction of how teenage boys always wear their hat floating like 5″ above their head and hoW FUCKING DUMB IT LOOKS!!! thank you! please stop...

Pope loosing his pants at the cemetary (like imagine him having to explain that to his mama)

the “friends” awkwardly waving at Kie’s dad

that one silouette shot ✨cinematography, bitches✨

never actually seeing John B give the BMX bike back to that poor kid...

going back to save the Big John photograph from the street (tears, man... tEArS)

John B being a major wuss while Sarah is cleaning his wound

NEVER having the gun when actually needed

ALWAYS having the gun when it could get you in major trouble

JJ taking the blame to save Pope

JB’s finger guns after his first kiss with Sarah (John B you smooth mf...)

that opening shot in ep.4 zooming in on the boat through the storm clouds

everybody being collectively surprised to see JB in a school building

the blood splattering against the window of the car with JJ and his dad in it (terrible scene, A+ effect!)

JJ sneaking through the swamp with a backpack on his head

the actor of Sarah’s dad managing to give you the creeps with some subtle crazy eyes even before it turns out he’s actually crazy

Kie fooling Pope with her British accent

Rose thinking she’s some kind of High Priestess at the midsummers party

John B putting a bow tie on JJ

BROMANCE™ (alternative title)

JJ delivering the note dancing flirtatiously

Sarah thinking pushing John B down would magically have made him invisible to Topper watching them for thE LAST 5 MINUTES??!

JJ twirling Kie around when leaving the Kook party

Topper accidently confessing his creepy-stalker-love to a 13 year old

Kie slapping John B

John B slapping Kie

violence is not the answer, kids! but I guess these were friendly slaps, so it’s okay

JB telling Sarah how “everything’s fine” with the Pogues and then cutting to it being definitely not

John B saying: “I don’t give a shit if she’s an axe murderer” and Pope making this face: 😲

a brilliant plan being ruined by a porch light

everybody constantly shitting on 1... 2... 3!

is that a The Shining reference I’m seeing????

how tf did it take them so long to realize she’s blind I-

and then once they did, Sarah states: “that bitch can’t aim” ???

like yeah, obviously, you just said it yourself sHE’S BLIND!!!????

anywho, John B not even bothering to fake excitement over the fishing trip

JJ finding “that’s what she said” disproportionately funny

the group wordlessly agreeing that somebody should probably look after JJ at the drug dealer’s

Sarah confidently telling JB she’s a virgin without it being all awkward (rare sight in teen shows back in my day)

Pope’s “Thrasher” shirt (like damn that’s off brand, but funny!)

JJ getting floaties for drinks in the whirlpool

the Whirlpool Group Hug™

JB telling Sarah goodbye before the fishing trip and me deadass thinking for a sec that he set an alarm to creep into his gf’s room in the middle of the night

Ward having sOmE NErVE to interrogate JB after killing his father (and later basically calling Rafe a psycho?!! like bitch get a mirror and baptized, thank you)

John B driving through the fence at the airport

Sarah yelling at her dad “you’re gonna kill him” like that’s gonna stop him lol

the cop at the airport giving us real talk about what police first aid training probably looks like

JB wanting to tell the cops what happened out of the goodness of his heart

Wheezie sticking up for her sister

Rafe calling John B a maniac (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I see)

JB locking himself in, in a house with Topper (like god damn, Karma’s a bitch huh)

Sarah, a teenage girl mind you, getting away from a trained-special-force-FBI-whatever-cop-dude in full armor by KNEEING him

Rafe talking to his Emotional Support Dealer™

the Pogues standing up to their parents for frIEnDsHIp!!!

JJ about to play “Operation” on his dad to get the keys

the missed opportunity to use “I Shot The Sheriff” on the soundtrack

I’m still a bit salty....

JB getting out of the cop car like that’s just normal

Pope going to shake Kie’s hand to make up

Sarah making it just in time

Ward being the “final card” lmao

Pope’s fam taking JJ into their group hug

the chill fisherman dude (with a wild romantic past?) taking in JB and Sarah

I demand a spin-off for that guy’s story btw

I’m so sorry for how long this must’ve taken to read. Seems like a good time to remind you that there’s more though: 

pt.2 - The Best Quotes From OUTER BANKS

It’s a great show (even though in parts I would’ve preferred them to step off the cheese grater a little bit). Overall (aside from the obviously heavy themes), it reminds me of all the Australian teen shows I used to watch growing up (mixed with “the Outsiders” maybe?) and it makes me actually a bit excited for summer. 

And I hate summer, so that’s saying something!

@thatsystemerror

the best things about - masterpost

[mageicalwishes]

Read on AO3: here

Summary: "If you get lonely," she says, "you can call me. Send up a flare, yeah? I'll feel it"

Years after that fateful night in the White Chapel, Simon fulfils his wish to go and visit Ebb’s grave in the Woods. 

Inspired by Carry On Sparks, Week 12 - ‘Fire’ @carryonsparks​

Tags: Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Canon Compliant, POV Simon Snow, Heavy Angst, Bittersweet, Mental Health Issues, Simon Misses Ebb, Soft Tyrannus Basilton “Baz” Pitch

Words: 3,950

Simon

All my life, I never thought that I’d live long enough to see somebody that I loved die - To have to handle that grief. And in a way, I wish that I hadn’t. It probably would’ve been easier. 

I’d been readying myself for my death since age eleven. That fate - My destiny - That was all I knew. And while it wasn’t exactly welcomed, it was inevitable. It was certain. The idea of it made so familiar to me, that I’d almost forgotten how to fear it (Almost). I’d accepted it long ago. So … I never thought that I’d have to know this pain - Never prepared a strategy for coping. 

I’d imagined it time and time again in my nightmares, of course - Losing Penny, or Aggie, or The Mage - but I never truly believed that I’d be here to experience it. If things got that dire - If someone had to die; it would’ve been me (Or Baz, I guess. But I tried not to think about that). 

So seeing it here, etched in cool grey stone is … Well, I’m not even sure what it is. Hollowing. Devastating. A nightmare come to life: 

Ebeneza Petty. 1978 - 2015. Beloved daughter, sister, and friend. 

Crowley. It doesn’t seem real, even now. Even when I’m standing right in front of it. 

It’s taken me a long time to get here. Probably too long. (So many months. So many years). But … I couldn’t face it. Not before. (Probably not even now, really). 

The first few years, I didn’t let myself think about Ebb much at all - Not the good, and not the bad. I made a promise to myself that I’d visit her one day, and that was that. Out of sight, out of mind. 

It wasn’t even really a conscious choice; not like some of the things I don’t think about. I didn’t want to ignore her. I didn’t want to pretend that what happened to her, didn’t happen. I didn’t want to stop thinking about all the good - All the joy she brought me. I just … couldn’t handle it. Any of it. I was already so overwhelmed. Losing her - Really processing the fact that she was gone. That I’d lost her, forever. It would’ve shattered me entirely. Irreparably. So my brain just tucked her into a little ‘Do Not Disturb’ pocket, that even I couldn’t reach, and tried to move on.

My therapist says that it’s all right that I did that - That I ‘repressed’ it. I’m not sure that it is, really. But she’s been right about a lot of things, so far - Like trying to talk to Baz, and being kinder to myself in my head - So, I try to believe her. She’s the expert, after all. 

I started seeing her again, consistently, about a year ago. But it was hard. So hard. (It still is, sometimes, to be honest. I’m not immune to the occasional session skive). I didn’t even really want to do it, at first. To sit there staring at her smiley face, while she pitied me - The sad little blur of pixels and curls in the corner of my screen. But it seemed important. It seemed necessary. 

After everything that happened in America … everything that happened at Watford - What I’d nearly lost, and what I’d nearly given up - I knew that I had to do something. And going back to her seemed like the logical choice. (I even managed to convince Baz to talk to her, too, which I’m glad for. It’s good for him, I think. It’s good for us. And … matching with him in that way, makes me feel like less of a nutcase). 

Anyway … I’m not sure when Ebb started creeping back into my mind, exactly. But it happened. Slowly at first, and then all at once - Once the dam was broken. 

At first it was just the bad: Her cold, lifeless stare. The pool of crimson, dying the ends of her slick blonde hair red. The smell of copper. The heat of magic. ‘Don’t stop. Help her … Help her! She’s dying!’. 

But the good came, too. Eventually: Her words of encouragement, summer evenings spent chasing after the kids, the way her face lit up that first Christmas I gave her a figurine (I’ve brought her another one today. A nanny and her kid grazing. They look at home, nestled amongst the sunshiney bouquets Baz April Showers’d for me). 

And I’m glad that I’ve made it here, now - Back to her. Even if I am a few years late. 

It’s a lovely place for her to rest. She would’ve liked it. In the woods. A soft mossy floor, and swaying willows overhead. Creatures, normal and magickal, scurrying around freely. A simple slate headstone, littered with flowers and photographs - Ebb beaming, surrounded by children I don’t recognise. Her and Nicky back at Watford. Her crouched beside an old woman, petting a Labrador. Tens of tiny windows into the life that was stolen from her. 

I’d always wondered what it was like - Her life outside of Watford. Where she lived, and who she knew. And I’m glad to see that it was clearly one filled with love, just like I’d always imagined. Filled with family and friends, who hadn’t forgotten her. Who’d been there for her, even when I couldn’t be. 

She should’ve had longer. She should’ve had decades more. She’d stepped away from the power she possessed, willingly - From the corruption of the possibilities it afforded her - and chose to live a quiet, simple life at Watford, where she was happy. Where she was safe. She did everything ‘right’ - Everything ‘good’ - and she still ended up dying in a fight that she had no part in. In a War that she didn’t contribute to. Nothing about that is fair. Nothing about that makes sense. 

I’ll never forgive him for what he did to her. No matter what he was to me. No matter how I feel about the fact that he’s gone, too (Miserable. Miserable but guilty. I know I shouldn’t care - He was a monster, after all - but I do). It was him I should’ve been fearful of, all those years. But I was too naive to see it. Too blinded by playing son. And now Ebb is gone. My fault. All my fault. 

A shiver runs up my spine, at the thought of it. My wings shuddering, involuntarily. Baz notices (Of course). Reaching out and taking hold of my hand - Stroking small loops against the side of my thumb. I’m here. It’s okay. I’ve got you. He takes my hand without asking, now. I'm better at not shaking him off. 

“Alright, Snow?” he asks. 

I just nod.

I don’t have the words. 

————————————————————————————

I don’t know how long we’ve been standing here, just staring down at her grave, but everything is starting to get too much. 

My throat pulled so tight that every swallow is a struggle - Air barely squeezing past the knot of emotion lodged there. My clothes suffocating me - Fabric far too constricting against my skin. I can’t move. I can’t - I can’t even breathe. And Baz is still holding on to me - Onto my hand. But it’s too clammy. All warm and wet and uncomfortable. Every slide of his skin, a demand on my brain. Focus on her, focus on him. The once soothing tracing of shapes, taunting me. Say something, Simon. Do something, Simon.

“Simon …?” Baz starts, unsure. “You look - Are you alright?” 

I turn to him, on autopilot. And he smiles over at me - Small, and fake, and forced, and pitiful, and … 

“Can you leave?” I rush, voice manic. “You have to - I need - I need you to leave.” 

He looks a little surprised - Which I can’t blame him for. I didn’t even know that that was what I needed, before the words were spilling out of my mouth - but he doesn't complain (Baz rarely complains, even know. Sometimes I wish he would, though. So I could know what I’m doing wrong - What I can do better ... I should probably tell him that, to be honest. Maybe later). 

“Alright,” he shrugs, dropping my hand. “That’s fine.” 

He’s probably upset with me. He probably thinks I’m pushing him away, again (I guess I am, technically. But not in the way that he may think). He’s probably …

“Simon, love. It’s fine.” 

It’s fine. 

“I’m sorry. I just - I just need a moment alone. It’s not - I’m not bad. I just need …” 

“Yeah,” he nods. “I know. It’s fine. Honest … Want me to go and wait in the car?” 

“No, it’s alright. Can you just - Can you just go home? Or somewhere else, I don’t know. You can go wherever you like, just not … here. I don’t know how long I’ll be, and I’ll feel bad if I’m making you wait. I won’t be able to concentrate.” 

“It’s no hassle.” 

“Yeah, I know but - Please.”

“Alright,” he smiles. I don’t know why he’s smiling. I’m being a complete fucking mess, right now. “Call me when you’re done, and I’ll come and pick you up, okay?” 

“Yeah. Okay.” 

I feel a bit better now. I don’t know. I don’t feel good, but I can breathe a bit again (I guess, technically, I always could - Otherwise I’d probably need an ambulance. But it didn’t feel like it). It’s still a little ragged. And my head’s all fuzzy. I just - I’m glad he’s leaving (Shit. That sounds awful. But I don’t mean it like that). 

He turns away, to leave me alone, but before he does, he’s spinning back around on the heels of his posh leather shoes. A pained little grimace spread across his face. 

“Snow, just … one more thing. When we were here, I used to go down and speak to my mother in the catacombs. You know, out loud … I’m not entirely sure, but I think that it helped me, a little bit. To talk to her. So I was thinking … maybe you could give it a go? With Ebb.”

I must pull a face, ‘cause then he’s laughing at me. (Not in a mean way. More in a ‘he thinks I’m being cute’ kind of way.) (It’s nice, his laugh. All silky, and warm, and deep). 

“It’s just a suggestion, love. It’s up to you. I know you don’t really like using your words, so if you don’t want to say anything, that’s fine. You’re here. That’s enough. She wouldn’t mind.” 

I scuff my foot along the ground, but then I just feel bad because I’m disturbing Ebb’s area. He’s probably right. But I’m not sure. 

“I don’t know,” I mumble. “Maybe.” 

Once Baz is gone, I sit myself down besides Ebb’s headstone, and let the tears come. Sobbing to myself as I trace the line between her dates. That’s it - That’s her whole life. 

There’s nothing wrong with crying. Ebb taught me that. She always nurtured the softer side of me - The better bits (Not like the Mage. He only helped me grow what benefited him - My courage, my strength, my ability to ignore or delay every single fucking human emotion). ‘Allow yourself to feel, Simon. Let those emotions out of your heart, or they’ll drown you.’ That’s what she always told me.

I’m trying to listen. Trying to take the advice that she can no longer give. Trying to let myself cry, or talk, or scream, or crash about. To do whatever it is that I need to do, to get it out. To free myself of it, so that I can be me again. (I think that’s partly why I’m here today, actually. To face it. To loosen its grip on my heart, so that I can begin to learn to live with it. To allow myself to remember her - Who she was and what happened - so that I can try to move on). 

I sit there and I cry. I cry, and cry, and cry. Until I can get the words out: 

“Hullo, Ebb. It’s Simon. Simon Snow -” Stupid. She knows who I am. “Sorry I haven’t visited before now. I meant to, and I did try, but I just … couldn’t. I hope that’s okay … Baz says that I should try and talk to you - You’ll be glad to know that we’re not at each other's throats anymore. Not in a bad way, anyway.” I say, chuckling meekly. I think she may have suspected about Baz and I, to be honest. I was obsessed with him. “I - I don’t really have much to say. Just … I’m sorry about what happened to you. I’m sorry that you got dragged into it. You only ever wanted peace, I know that. But, thank you for saving Aggie, for me. That was my job, really. My responsibility. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” 

I suck in a breath and choke - Spluttering on the ground like a fool (I’m glad I sent Baz away, now, because this is just humiliating. My face must be a wreck - All wet and puffy - and I’m spitting all over the place. Which isn’t exactly the most alluring of sights. Not that he’d really care). 

“Everyone says that I saved the World of Mages, and I kind of did, in the end. But … I know I couldn’t have done it without you. Without your help. I wouldn’t - I wouldn’t be half of what I am without you, actually. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. I wish, more than anything, that I could’ve. And … yeah. Thank you for what you did - That day, and before. I can’t ever - You won’t ever know how much I appreciate you. How much you mean - How much you meant to me. But it’s … it’s nice to be able to tell you, finally. I wish I could’ve done it properly … before. But I think that you could probably still tell; even if I never managed to say it in so many words. I hope - I hope you knew how much I loved you. How much I still do.” 

And after that, there’s nothing else to say (Nothing that I can manage right now, anyway). So I hang my head forwards, and let it wash over me. Let the words - My confession - lighten me. 

I still feel like lead, though. Like I’m empty. Like I’m scorched ... I still ache. But I suppose that it’s a start. 

————————————————————————————

BP (20:34): At the gate.  

Picking myself up off the floor, I dust my jeans down and try to relax (I don’t want to make him to worry about me. He always worries about me). 

“I’ll visit you again, when I can, Ebb,” I sigh. “I promise. Hopefully - Hopefully it won’t be too long … And I’ll bring another figure. As a gift. Maybe a sheep, or something. Sound okay?” 

I don’t know why I’m asking her a question (‘Cause I’m a moron, probably). It’s not like she can answer. Even if she can hear me (Which she probably can’t). 

“Alright,” I say, feeling disgracefully awkward. I don’t really want to say goodbye to her just yet, but it's getting cold. And dark. And I want to get back home soon-ish (We're all gonna watch Spider Man together). “Well … Goodbye. For now.” 

And then I turn - Back towards Baz. Back towards the rest of my life. 

I don’t look back - I can’t look back. But I’ll visit her again, someday. Someday soon.

When I get to the gate, Baz is clutching a paper cup, and beaming at me (I think he’s doing it to try and make me feel better.) (It does. A little). 

“Doing alright?” he asks.

I nod, worried that if I try to talk, I’ll just start blubbering again (My hoodie sleeve is already uncomfortably sodden, from wiping at my face. So I’d really rather not). He doesn’t push it, though. He understands. 

“Thought you might be thirsty,” he says, waving the cup in front of me. “Your favourite … I got you a brownie, too. If you want it.” 

I don’t know what comes over me then, to be honest. One second I’m gawping at him and his stupidly sweet gesture, and the next I’m yanking him down into a kiss, by the back of his neck. Crashing against him roughly. Baz’s startled yelp, muffled against my lips. 

I don’t normally like being touched much at all when I’m upset (Probably a residual hang up from the threat of going off), but I need him like this now. So I take it - Because I know he’ll let me. Because I know he’ll want me to. 

He tastes like sugar, ‘cause of that stupid pumpkin drink he likes. But he feels like coming home. 

I pull away, and Baz flushes, in a daze. My heart squeezing at the sight of him (In a good way, obviously). I still can’t believe that I get to have him like this, half of the time. He’s so lovely. And I’ll tell him as much, later … when I can (I like telling him the good stuff. He goes all gooey when I do - It’s ridiculous). 

“Steady on, Snow,” he laughs. “It’s just hot chocolate.” 

“No, it’s - Just … come on.”

We don’t talk most of the ride home; the only meaningful sound, droning out of his radio (He’s playing that Talking Heads violin cover he likes) (He can play this one himself, without sheet music, or anything. It’s proper impressive). 

“Baz,” I mumble, gripping at his thigh. “Is there somewhere we can pull over. A field, or something?” 

Grey eyes dart up to meet mine in the rearview mirror, panicked. 

“Are you going to be sick?” 

“No,” I groan. “Nothing like that. I just - I just need a favour … One that requires open space. A private open space.” 

He grins over at me, then - Tongue pressing against his front teeth, cheekily (Prat. He should be watching the road).

“I warn you, Snow, I will not lower myself to dogging. No matter how much I may want to ravish you.” 

“Fucking hell, Baz,” I snort, thwacking at his arm. “You know that’s not what I meant.” 

“I know. You’re much too vanilla for that sort of thing, darling. Thank Crowley … But, I’m sure that we can find somewhere suitable for your … whatever it is that you’re planning. Do we need to get there quickly? I can cast a ‘Time flies’, if need be.”

“Nah,” I smile, shuffling back in my seat. “There’s no rush. Just … before we get home.” 

We end up pulling into a field, just off of a roundabout, that fills all of my criteria. But I’m a little bit worried that we’re going to get yelled at by some farmer. Or bulldozed by a cow. (Baz assures me that we’ll be fine, though. ‘Country bumpkins and mooing blood bags, are no match for me, Snow.’ That’s what he’d said. The arrogant sod.) 

Now that we’re here, though, I’m starting to doubt myself. Is this stupid? … Probably. I mean … there’s no real purpose to it. But … I can’t seem to get it out of my head - What she’d said to me that last time I saw her. Can she see? Will she feel it? I’m not sure. But I suppose that there's no point shying away from it now. 

“Do you know how to spell a flare?” I ask. 

“A flare?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why?” He drawls, squinting suspiciously. 

“I don’t know, I just - Do you know how?” 

“Yeah. Should do. Hold on,” he says, fiddling with his cuff, and retrieving his wand. Pointing it skyward, before booming out an ‘SOS’. 

Blinding hot fire, shooting from his wand - Lighting the sky a menacing shade of red, before falling and fading back to black. 

It’s beautiful. And eerie (Kinda like a forest in the night). 

Finally satisfied, I drop down to the floor. Baz following, wordlessly (Even though he’s wearing those fancy, light pink trousers, that’ll definitely stain). Sitting besides me, crossed legged in the grass - His knee bumping purposefully against mine. 

“Another one?” he asks. 

“Nah,” I breathe, tilting my head over to rest against his shoulder. It feels far too heavy today. “Not yet. It’s … it’s Ebb.” 

I don’t really know why I feel as though I owe him an explanation - I mean, he hasn’t asked for one - but I do. He’s privy to all of my little secrets, these days. So he should be allowed to know this one too … I know he won’t judge me for it. 

“What’s Ebb?”

He’s hovering his hand above my waist now - A question. I tug his wrist closer, and lay his palm against me - An answer. 

“The flare,” I say. “Or, well … Ebb is why I wanted it. The last conversation we had, before I came to Hampshire. She said that I could send up a flare, if I needed her. If I got lonely. She said that she would feel it. I know - I know that it’s stupid. I mean, she can’t - I know-”

“It’s not stupid, Simon,” he interrupts, voice as soft as anything. “I understand. You don’t have to try and justify yourself to me.” 

“Okay,” I smile, pushing myself up and pressing a kiss to the crest of his hairline. Fucking vampire. How he manages to make a widows peak look fit, I’ll never know. “Thank you.” 

“It’s alright,” he says, laying himself out on the ground, and tugging me down with him. Grabbing a hold of my hand, and kissing the centre of my palm.

Feeling entirely safe, I close my eyes, and I let myself miss her - Her wise rambles, and her soft touch. Her unashamed tears. Her friendship. Her love. Her care. 

‘You’re not alone, my lamb,’ she’d told me, the Easter holidays of third year. ‘Even if you can’t always see it, there are people here who love you. Who’ll always love you. Even if they can’t be with you, right now. And … I'm still here, aren't I? Whenever you need me, you just come a’knocking, and I’ll be there. Promise.'

She couldn’t keep her promise, in the end.

I can knock all I want … but nobody will come. Nobody will ever come again. Her shack is empty now. Abandoned. Forgotten. 

But I know that she’s still there for me. In a way. 

I won’t ever forget her words, or her lessons. The way she made feel - Happy. Accepted. Understood. 

She’ll be there in my heart, always; whenever I need her. Along with the rest. 

And … she was right about one thing - I’m not alone. I’ll never have to be alone again. 

Because I have Baz - Who brings me my favourite foods, and holds me close at night. Who didn’t give up on me, when I pushed him away. Who cherishes me. Who loves me. 

And Penny - Who is always there for me, fighting my corner. Who leads me forwards, and steers me right. Who wishes me every success. 

And Shepard - Who indulges all my crazy theories like they mean something, and binge watches terrible reality TV with me.

And Aggie - Who sends me a text every now and then to check how I am. 

I can’t ever replace what I lost in Ebb, but I can try and focus on what I still do have. Friends. A family. A home … Far more than I ever even allowed myself to want back at Watford. 

And I think that she’d be happy if she could see me now - Could see us now. I hope that … she’d feel like her sacrifice was worth it - That she’d be content with her choice. Because Ebb deserves to find peace, more than anyone. 

After all … that’s all she ever wanted. 

[kariachi]

Occasionally find myself poking at Everybody Lives AUs where Devin wasn’t involved in Kevin’s early childhood. Not through any douchebaggery or anything just, ya know, one night stands, Eva being the sorta person to roll with it, that shit.

And for the most part Kevin shit goes as it does in canon except he isn’t a Levin for obvious reasons and also he grew up in the northeast because it makes fucking sense. Kwarrel adopts him and they escape (bc Everyone Lives), they grab up an Argit on their way out the Null Void- as one does- and eventually grab up an Aggy because he and Kwarrel are old friends and also he’s like 80% sure Kevin is family because the boy has no credentials but also reminds him too damn much of his baby brother.

Meanwhile, back in Bellwood, things are going relatively smoothly. Devin almost dies against Ragnaroc and as a result is highly encouraged by those that love him to retire early (it’s like, 50% his children and mates going ‘pls stop’, 35% his friends going ‘pls stop’, and 15% Morningstar standing there with a checkbook going ‘how much would it cost for you to retire?’) (“I do need income, Gabe.” “And I need someone to watch Mike if it comes to that, just give me a number to put on the checks.”) He does so and ends up taking over Luka’s old role of childcare provider (and happily at that) for both his own and other Plumber’s kids.

This quickly expands to include homeschooling for several of them, because Cooper’s migraines make standard schooling a bitch and it’s easier on Manny, Helen, and Pierce if they don’t have to wear ID Masks to get an education. Why they’re trusting Devin ‘Was once outsmarted by a goldfish’ Levin with it, the other adults aren’t entirely sure, but they’re glad there are actual programs for these things to make shit easier on everyone.

The kids all grow up close, Victor Validus ends up one of Devin’s mates with his wife’s approval, Alan and his sibs quickly accept Elena as their latest aunt. Mike’s dad doesn’t quite adopt Cooper but by the time he’s 12 the kid is living there 74% of the time and is in his will. Mike’s attempts to grow up to be an asshole are stymied by a wealth of positive influences. Manny, Helen, and Pierce all grow up as happy and healthy as Alan and his sibs.

Victor doesn’t get fired and the Nanomech shit gets stopped before it can properly begin because pretty much everyone but Max goes “this seems odd, we should look more into this” and essentially ignore his orders in favor of actually, ya know, investigating the situation.

And then the two groups meet. I’m not sure how, but they do and it doesn’t take long to figure out Kevin is Devin’s (“The kid’s from Earth, he’s blatantly a Levin, he’s either a son or a grandson, either way somebody’s gotta call Kayzisk.”) (Maybe Selan is the one who comes across them?) and then Devin shows up and even if this isn’t his kid that’s definitely his brother, and there are two children here in need of love and affection, and here is a guy who has been keeping these children and also my missing brother alive.

Long story short, Kwarrel at the very least should end up back in prison. He does not. Devin is Not Fucking Having It and he has a pack behind him and mountains of blackmail on people.

How long has he been willing to use blackmail? Since a Tennyson tried to tell him he couldn’t let shit slide just because family and nepotism.

And so Kevin and Argit join the children and it’s very awkward for a while because there’s a lot of adjusting that needs to happen but eventually they’re both welcomed into the pack with exactly as much fuss as you would expect.

Kwarrel and Aggy end up helping Devin despite themselves. Or, well, despite Aggy. Kwarrel actually is much more confident in the role of teacher of teenagers than he is as a parent, and the fact he’s smarter than Devin is a great help. Aggy, meanwhile, kinda gave up on the whole teacher/storyteller things ages ago and suddenly is back in it and doesn’t know why (because his baby brother gave him the puppy eyes, that’s why). He doesn’t get involved a lot but when he does damnit the children walk away having learned something.

And in the end this is all for the sake of the moment when Ben is invited by Elena to come hang out with her friends and family and is suddenly faced with Kevin in the middle of a group of otherwise nice people, who is apparently his friend’s stepbrother.

[sheepsandcattle]

Chapter 14

Jordan’s bed makes Curly’s feel like a plank. Also, his heating’s not broken which is a nice change and makes mornings a hell of a lot easier. They’re not really the cuddling type (at least not in bed) but sometimes he wakes in the middle of the night to Jordan’s face pressed to the back of his neck, or with his weight draped over him and it leaves him with this overwhelming need to make himself small and press up close to his side.

They’ve not really labelled what they are, but it’s exclusive. Has been since June.

It feels a bit juvenile because they haven’t even kissed yet and it’s been over a month but sometimes, when Jordan gets hold of another borrowed car, he picks him up on the way to the supermarket in trackies and his glasses (he wears glasses - as if?) and they buy food for that night and it feels domestic and exciting.

Curly only ever stays for a night or two because, although Jordan knows about the reliance that seems to have crept up on him, Curls doesn’t fancy shooting up in the guy’s living room... Out of sight, out of mind - if only for a day or so. He usually manages to get a hit in before those headaches he’s been having have a chance to come back in full-force.

But yeah, when they aren’t in bed or watching hours of 90s films, they’re food shopping (but never for anything more substantial than pizza and garlic bread) and driving about in their pyjamas. They find out they’re both ace at bowling, spend hours comparing tattoos and sometimes Curly makes detours after deals, picking Jordan up at weird times just to go for nice long drives, aiming to get lost just for the fun of it.

A lot of the time they just park up in that same carpark. Jordan likes to place a hand on Curly’s thigh when it’s dark and they’re whispering, muffling laughs into each others’ jackets and rolling up the windows when they hear sirens and can’t air the car out fast enough anyway.

Most of the time, Jordan’s ridiculously understanding of Curly’s weird-as-fuck chastity situation. Sometimes, in the morning, he’ll wake up to fingers tickling his back and when he turned over once to look at him, Jordan’s hand had trailed up to his shoulder, then his neck and he’d traced his jaw, eyes all sleepy and hazy and glassy. His thumb had brushed Curly’s mouth and he seemed distracted for a second before he cleared his throat and sat up so fast it made Curly jump. He’d mumbled something about breakfast as he left the room.

And there’re the texts too: on the nights they sleep apart on the rare occasions he’s not overdone it and his head is still on his shoulders even after Jordan finishes work in the early hours. They’re never overly graphic (God, Curly wouldn’t even know what to do with that), but there was that time J had gone for a shower, texted ‘alone :( what a drag’ and Curly took seven minutes to reply ‘lol!” Because what was he meant to say?! But Jordan didn’t push it - never has.

Did he think about that semi-racy text a little later on when he was in bed and alone and horny and fed up? Yes. Was he ever going to tell Jordan or make any move to make whatever fantasy he’s mustered up that night, a reality? Absolutely not - are you dizzy?

***

Tonight, they’re sat around Jeff and Dean’s coffee table, cards out between them and a bottle of beer each as they play. Curly’s won every time so far - naturally. It’s not like playing against Jules and Oscar, though; there’s nothing on the table; no baggies or notes or pills piling up as payment. He keeps those things far away from this circle.

He’d caved this morning, taking a hit in Jordan’s bathroom and feeling guilty as he cleaned up after himself. Jordan knew though, he must have, because they ended up leaving half an hour late after the man had insisted Curly sat down for a while, told him to drink some water because he didn’t “look right,” and gave him a knowing look like he wanted to say, “it’s okay, but this isn’t.”

“I’m surprised you’re not into gambling,” Dean jokes as Curly places his last card onto the pile, shrugging smugly.

“Don’t give him any ideas,” J warns, punching Curly’s shoulder lightly as Jeff and Dean look on, confused, trying to work out when exactly it was that they got so close.

They don’t mean to, but they’ve been distracting each other all night, forgetting the game was taking place. They keep pulling each other into conversations, getting lost talking about the cafe last night or the guy that dropped the soda can in the supermarket and how they had to hide behind a bargain bucket to avoid the blast when the pop exploded.

“You still thinking about moving out, Curls?”

He’s not sure when he mentioned that to Jeff. Maybe Jordan let it slip.

“I mean, I am, but it’s not happening soon. I’m skint. Anyway, Jules and Oscar—” he shrugs and they all scoff. “Listen, they’re decent blokes. Good mates— shit roommates, but good mates.”

“They’re good for nothing,” Jordan argues as he collects everybody’s cards, like he barely even means to say it but clearly has no plans to take it back.

“Stay with us a while, man,” Dean offers then, exchanging a look with Jeff, who nods his encouragement.

“Hey, you can keep on top of the cleaning,” Jeff muses, presumably because he knows the likelihood of that is slim. Curly’s room is an absolute sty so the idea of him keeping things steady to earn his keep is almost laughable.

The fact of the matter is that Curly’s only making so much from dealing. He can’t get a real job because nobody wants him and his criminal record (one count of possession - just one for Christ’s sake) so he’s out all the time, trying to make connections, dealing to people too fucked up to know better. Never to anyone too fucked up to handle it - he’d never stoop that low - but still, he’s bent a few morels already. Something needs to change if he wants to move on.

“Or you could stay with me.” All heads turn to Jordan, who shrugs once and starts shuffling the cards. As far as their friends are aware, he’s a perfect introvert; doesn’t like company; likes his space to be his space and especially doesn’t share it with boys he barely knows. He sounds defensive in response to the two pairs of puzzled eyes as he says, “I mean, I have the space since Rhys moved.”

Curly has no idea who Rhys is, but Jeff and Dean both grimace and shake their heads in a similar way to how they reacted to Jules’ name. Jordan points between them, says, “don’t,” but he looks vaguely amused.

“Who’s Rhys?”

Jordan’s still laughing but it’s hollow now as he watches his hands intently, still messing with the deck. “Nobody,” he says as he shakes his head again, then hands the cards over to Curly instead.

Curly’s mint at shuffling.

He occupies himself with strip-shuffling the deck, showing off to anyone who’ll watch, as Dean says, “Rhys is the last pretty boy that needed a place to stay—“

“Temporarily,” Jeff cuts in, finger quotations and all. “How long was it again? A year?”

“Fuck off,” Jordan groans like he’s sick of hearing it. Curly wonders how often this Rhys bloke comes into conversation. This neck feels hot.

They continue to bicker and Curly keeps himself busy. The cards are properly shuffled by now but the conversation doesn’t feel like one that he’s supposed to hear. Or maybe it’s just not one he wants to hear. It’s probably daft that he never imagined someone like Jordan with anyone else in that way, and the thought makes him feel aggy suddenly, made worse as a few cards slip from his circuit and onto the ground.

He grumbles as he collects them back up and places the deck on the table.

“You’ve met Rhys, Curls. You must have,” Jeff says. “Were you at that party where Oscar puked in the fireplace? When he—“

“Yeah, he was,” Dean pipes up then. “You were hiding under the kitchen table with Jules for half the night, then--- Wait, no. You met him before that; when you were talking shit about… The moon or something.”

“Moon night!” Jeff pipes up with a laugh and Curly is a bit puzzled - since when did they have a name for that night? But then Jeff squints his eyes, puts on a dopey English accent as he mumbles, “have you ever uhh… seen the moon when it’s… covered…”

“Alright, mate, I get the point.” He sounds nothing like that.

He remembers now. In the kitchen - Freckles and some other boy. He hadn’t put the two together until now and…

Oh, and he supposes it was the same boy from the night Jordan helped him cut his shirt, was it? He learnt his name and he was nervous about going out with his new hair cut, but J touched it and said he liked it. Or, he was about to until somebody -Rhys- stole him away. He remembers waiting patiently for Jordan to quit wrestling with some guy and come back to him, only for a pretty boy with golden-blonde hair and olive skin to steal him away.

Curly nods slowly. “I think I remember him. Lip ring.”

“Not the only piercing he has if you ask Jor—“

“Shut the fuck up, Jeff.”

Even if Jeff and Dean don’t get the ‘fun’s over’ memo, Curly does, keeping his head down as Jordan scowls.

Dean is already setting up his next punchline but Curly is quick to speak over him, says, “whatever, doesn’t matter anyway as long as he’s gone now, ‘cause I could do with somewhere to kip tonight, as it happens.” He gives J an expectant look. “Jules is inviting this prick -Blake- ‘round. Can’t stand him.”

“I guess I could make up some space, just for a night.” He winks, and Curly loves that they have this little secret that they’re keeping just for the fun of it. Still, though, he feels restless now, dissatisfied with a lack of... Shit, something. “Better not leave my place looking like yours, though.”

“Quit being so cold, J,” Dean says because he doesn’t look up to see Jordan smiling.

Neither of them bothers to correct him, all getting distracted by or from the game. Jordan reaches out to split the deck again but when the group gets distracted by a new conversation, Curly abandons his new hand in favour of laying back on the carpet, all overwhelmed and warm and… Overwhelmed and warm.

Rhys really was something else. He remembers trying to give himself a reason to dislike the bloke. It’s not nice, feeling so in-the-dark where Jordan is concerned, especially when their ‘relationship’ so far has been in their own little, secret bubble. He wonders how long Jordan and Rhys were a secret for, or if they shouted it from the rooftops from the start.

Maybe they weren’t in a proper relationship at all, he thinks, maybe Rhys really was just some bloke that overstayed his— Curly knows he’s being naive, though. Not that he has any good reason to be. Just because he doesn’t have any relationship history, doesn’t mean nobody else does - especially not someone like J.

It feels so out of character for him; jealousy.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Jordan says an hour later, back in Curly’s car as he drives back to J’s apartment where his belongings for the night are already tucked away in the man’s room and have been all along. “About Rhys.”

Curls had said he was tired. Jordan probably thought the withdrawals were giving him a rough time and Jeff and Dean probably thought it was the opposite. Probably thought he’d snuck a hit after taking a piss. His brain was similarly foggy but he was simply distracted by…

“Rhys?” Curly frowns, eyes on the road. “I aren’t thinking anything about him,” he lies and shrugs. As if he’d admit to being jealous of Jordan’s ex this early on in their non-relationship.

“Oh.” A fake-cough. “Right.”

It’s the first time he’s really felt immature around Jordan. Their relationship so far has been innocent and clean, but even after asking the man not to kiss him, and squirming when his hands wandered and feeling his neck go hot when conversations got explicit, he’s never felt ashamed by his immaturity. Feeling jealous over his boy-who-isn’t-technically-his-boy is embarrassing. Juvenile.

“Do you feel threatened by him?”

Jordan’s either lapping this up or genuinely doesn’t know when he’s being blunt and insensitive and a bit of a prick. He’s frowning when Curly darts his head to look his way though, so he guesses the latter. He should have known really, though; he doubts Jordan even knows how it feels to be embarrassed - or threatened in the first place, for that matter.

“No. Why would I?” He laughs, then pauses and it’s too quiet so he laughs again, shakes his head, tuts and lets out what he thinks sounds like an amused sigh. Funny funny funny. Why would he?

“You’re distant and making things weird.”

“You’re making things weird.” ‘Yeah, nice one,’ he thinks, ‘that’ll make me seem more mature.’ He huffs his defeat, shoulders slumping as he forces himself to look his way again. “I don’t need any reassurance if that’s what’s happening.”

“Right, got it. You don’t need reassurance.” Jordan just shrugs and sits back, pulling his feet up onto the dashboard and Curly lets out a mental sigh of relief. “But if you did-“ For fuck’s sake. “-I’d say that he was way too infatuated with Shakespeare and talked too much.”

He hums.

“And he’d smother you in fake kindness to make himself feel good.”

Another hum.

“And he had tiny nipples, Curls,” Jordan so diligently adds.

“Alright, I—“

"Like, tiny.”

Curly swears he manages to cover his laugh. “Yep, got it. Cheers, mate.”

“Not your mate.”

“Oh,” he huffs a laugh. “If you're not my mate, then what are you then?”

The right indicator is the only thing filling the silence as they stop at a light, ticking rhythmically as they wait, Curly’s eyes on the road and Jordan’s on him. They’re both still smiling, but Curls furrows his brows to hide it.

Say it.

“My boyfriend, I hope.”

The sodding smile rips its way through his frown and his cover is obliterated as he asks, “you hope?”

“Yeah, I fuckin’ hope. You think I’ve been jacking off in secret and eating your hair in my sleep for fun? No, moron. I like you.”

The road before and behind them is empty. The light is green now but he doesn’t move.

“J, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Fuck. You.”

[atomiccocktailhangover]

Interview OC Meme!

tagged in a roud-about sorta way by @thecosmicsleep ! Tagging @memailikesnukacola @nuclear-darling and anyone else who wants to do this too! Feel free to tag me so I can see!!

1. What is your name?

Well hello there, sugar! My name’s Daffodil Marceline Polly-Anna Marie LeMieux - Daffodil to my friends.

2. Do you know why are you named that?

That’s just the funniest story. It was in the script! I was an actress years ago, played a part in my troupe’s matinee about some pre-War debutante, when I had a little….mishap, out in the desert. Ended up more scrambled than a mirelurk omelette. Couldn’t remember a thing, besides bits and pieces of that silly old script. Ran around the Mojave for a spell, telling everybody my name was Miss Daffodil. Later on I found some folks who knew me from before, told me my name had been Aggie. Aggie! Could you imagine?

3. Are you single or taken?

The two are hardly mutually exclusive, wouldn’t you say?

4. Have any abilities or powers?

I’m awful persuasive. People skills are what keeps you alive out in the Wastes, really. Any old brute can pick up a gun and pull the trigger, but talking a big bad raider into putting down his gun? Now that’s a skill.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

I’d like to see you try to stop me.

6. What’s your eye color?

A pale sort of green. More of a gray, really - it takes a lot of makeup to bring the color out.

7. How about your hair color?

It’ll be bright, golden blonde for as long as I can afford the dyes.

8. Have any family members?

None that I can recall. I asked my old theater company about that, all those years ago, and they told me they’d never heard to speak of anyone. No parents, no spouses, no children, nothing. In my - that is, Aggie’s - personal effects, there were no letters from any relations. There was an old photograph of an NCR Officer, hidden away in a suitcase, but who he was or how he knew me, I doubt I’ll never know.

9. Oh? How about pets?

Oh, he’s just the most darling thing! A little rowdy, a little messy, but oh so loyal! He hardly ever leaves my side. I found him in Goodneighbor, all alone, and I knew I couldn’t just leave him there! The locals call him Maccready, but he let’s me call him Mac.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?

I can’t stand secrecy. Being lied to just sets my blood boiling! It just isn’t fair, folks knowing things that I don’t. Completely unfair!

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

Music has always been my one true love. Singing, dancing, anything. Old World instruments are harder to come by the further East I travel, but put one in front of me and I’ll spend a whole evening trying to figure it out. There’s just something about making something beautiful, intangible, completely out of nothing… it’s magical, isn’t it?

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

Oh, well of course I have. That’s just part of being human, isn’t it?

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

Not often. And nobody innocent, I can assure you!

14. What kind of animal are you?

I’ve seen old pictures of these birds who used to just strut around, looking so strange and so beautiful that people would wear their feathers. Peacocks, I think they were called.

15. Name your worst habits?

So a girl likes to have a little drink every now and then, fall in love with someone new for an evening. I don’t see what the big deal is.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Goodness no, of course not. There are plenty of swell folks out and about in the Wasteland, don’t get me wrong, but I’m my own role model.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

In a world of robots and mutants and all kinds of things, who can really say for sure? But I’m weak for a man who can do as he’s told.

18. Do you go to school?

Who needs book-learnin’ when you’ve got a face like mine?

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

[She laughs. Hard.]

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

That’s an awful silly question. Of course I do! I’ve loved and been loved in every city from here to the NCR. I’m sure there’s plenty of folks out there still holding candles for me.

21. What are you most afraid of?

Feels a little silly to say, but in all honesty, loneliness. People are spread out so far out here, living out in pairs, or even just all on their lonesome. I couldn’t live that way. For all their faults, I just adore people. I’ve been on my own before, and I don’t much care for it.

22. What do you usually wear?

I’ve tried keeping it practical as of late. Mac thinks it’s easier when we’re on the road. I like to wear light clothes - pinks and blues and suchlike - and I make sure I’ve always got my lipstick and a couple of bobby pins on me. You never know who you’ll meet out in the Commonwealth, so I make sure to never cover up too much of my...assets.

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

A nice, hot, steaming bowl of stew. Something that takes extra time and effort into making.

24. Am I annoying to you?

Heavens no! I could talk about myself all day long, if you’d like.

25. Well, it’s still not over!

Wonderful! How about some wine?

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

Listen, sugar, it’s not about class. It’s all about how you carry yourself. I know I’m a lady whether I’ve got two caps or two thousand.

27. How many friends do you have?

An awful lot, and the list keeps on growing. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, but I am a very agreeable person.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

I’d love some!

29. Favorite drink?

Vodka tarberry with just a splash of Nuka Dark.

30. What’s your favorite place?

In the arms of someone warm and sweet as melted chocolate.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

I’m interested in all sorts of people!

32. That was a stupid question…

You’re the one who said it, not me.

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

Swimming’s not my forte, what with all the radiation and all. But there’s something special about paddling a boat out onto a lake on a clear day, with someone special and a couple of drinks.

34. What’s your type?

A man who’s none too bright, but with the sunniest disposition you ever did see.

35. Any fetishes?

36. Camping or outdoors?

I certainly don’t prefer it, but I’ve been making it work for years. The trick is travelling with somebody with a strong back, so they can carry all your comforts for you. I’ve got Mac carrying some goosefeather pillows, this lovely old tea kettle, and a little portable radio in our travel pack. He bellyaches about it until we’ve set up camp for the night. It’s those little touches that can make any place feel like home.

[downandoutinliverpoolandlondon]

Correspondence Club: Part 7 – Dog Bedding

It’s 11am and I am splashed out on the living room floor, hurting. My teeth feel like they’re vibrating out of my head, as if the atoms themselves are trying to escape. My stomach feels like GCSE chemistry. I am lying across a large cushion that was sold as a dog bed, but never utilised for canine purposes. I’m trying to roll it up at the edges to create a makeshift pillow to elevate my head, but my attempts are futile as I slip in and out of sleep. Needless to say, my Iggy-Pop-heroine-body is struggling to process last night’s beer. I am a morning after Snapchat cliché.

Somebody has been violently knocking on the front door for a solid ten minutes, but nobody is answering. It could be anyone from a long list of people we don’t really want to open the door to. The night before got out of hand, and just like religion and football matches, it was dampened by a small minority. The knocking stops and I fall back to sleep.

I wake again to the sound of a man taking a picture of me. He is the landlord’s son and he has let himself in. He is also a police officer, what are the chances? I glance up at him like a beached seal, eyes yearning for sympathy, but he moves on to another room to continue his deposit-compromising photo shoot. He is not happy. Not happy for all of the reasons we’re subtly proud.

The night before was big. After much preparation; all furniture cleared and safely locked away, a projector set up overhead to beam visuals onto a DIY screen made of sheets, a full PA system hired out to compliment the decks and mixer, fairy lights galore, lots of duck tape and a Facebook event widely advertised, the party was a success. Albeit a few snags; too many people, a neighbour being verbally abused, broken glass in the street and rumours of a fight. The police were called and the party was closed down at 4am. 

The following afternoon we’re forwarded a police report by the landlord that states the entire Liverpool City Response Unit was supposedly sent to break up the party. The unit consisted of 1 inspector, 3 sergeants, 5 constables, 1 sniffer dog, 1 riot van and 4 police cars, which explains all of the blue flashing lights and people in hats. What a waste. The report states there was in excess of 200 people in the property, but this is an exaggeration. It was busy though, with one officer commenting it was the biggest party he had ever seen. 

At this moment in time, the landlord’s son being in the house is problematic. The house smells like stale alcohol and the walls have a thin film of brown sludge on them, as well as the odd handprint and blood stain. The floor is littered with cans and bottles as well as the odd baggy and small piles of nos canisters. The spent canisters look like the aftermath of someone firing a large machine gun. There’s also a lot of gum stuck to the carpets and walls, the result of people trying not to gurn their faces off whilst they enjoy their drugs. It all looks worse than it is and besides, it’s the morning after a party, what does he expect? Even Kim and Aggy would give it a day.

The man eventually finds a member of the household that’s awake and functioning and tries to play bad cop. He says he has to check the contract to see if people are even allowed to stay over and says if this happens again our contract will be terminated. It’s a hard sell from a man who is a police officer, isn’t the landlord, has let himself into our house, taken pictures without permission, hasn’t given twenty-four hours notice for the visit and is trying to play hardball with a student whose pupils are still the size of chocolate buttons. You can’t help but feel he should know better. He leaves and I fall back to sleep.

I dream about being in the exact same position, at the foot of the decks and speakers, but in my dream I have a pillow and a phone next to me. I wake up and realise I have neither. I snooze for another two hours, awaiting the beer fear.

[racingtoaredlight]

THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK THREE: THE END OF THE BEGINNING OF THE END

We’re still really in the early middle of the year. Sure, Oregon looked powerful against Ohio State but it’s possible Ohio State just hasn’t found it’s footing yet and the Ducks just peaked. Shit happens like that every year, more or less. You can pretty much count on Bama to win 10 and not much else. That only applies to football. The continued stratification of social classes, the accelerating collapse of natural systems that support human life, the complete lack of representation the average American in our freedom loving democracy- you can count on those things. Football is different, though: wilder but more ordered while somehow being better and stupider than real life all at the same time. It’ll be fun to all more or less die together, I think. So let’s get to the games!

I forget the business reason for having more major OOC games that actually stay on the schedule but we’re reaping the rewards for now. You know the rules: eastern times, average vegas odds at the time of writing, prediction abilities are bad on a good day, there’s supposed to be a weekly RTARLsman post but I haven’t done a real one in about 21 months, formatting errors up to and including listing the teams incorrectly aren’t worth pointing out because nobody’s coming to fix them anyway. I don’t expect professionalism out of you so don’t ask it out of me.

Saturday, September 18

Matchup                      Time (ET)        TV/Mobile

NIU at 25 Michigan     12:00pm            BTN

It’s easy to say Michigan is due for a self-inflicted dick kick the trick is to predict ahead of time when exactly the embarrassing, season-unraveling loss will come. I don’t think it’s today but I also don’t have a lot of faith in Michigan to cover a 27-point spread.

UAlbany at Syracuse     12:00pm        ACCN

I find it hard to believe Albany’s football program is in such disrepair that they don’t even warrant a line against Syracuse. I think we’ve had five 1AA-over 1A upsets so far this season. I couldn’t possibly watch this game but I’ll keep an eye out for it on the ticker. Syracuse is bad enough to lose anywhere to anybody.

  Tennessee Tech at Tennessee   12:00pm    ESPN+/SECN+

I should probably find a site that lists the good games at the top of each time slot instead of this free for all.

Western Michigan at Pitt     12:00pm    RSN/ESPN3

Pitt has actually looked pretty good so far but they don’t have an AP ranking yet. I can’t say much for this matchup so I just assume the Panthers cover the -14.5 and get a little number next to their name next week.

15 Virginia Tech at West Virginia     12:00pm    FS1

This is actually of some interest to me. Virginia Tech is ranked 15 on account of beating UNC but it’s not hard to imagine that neither the Hokies nor the Heels are actually worthy of a ranking. WFV is favored at home but still might trigger some couch burning and “upset” talk with a win. The Mountaineers are this week’s new collection from Homefield Apparel so expect some magic!

Boston College at Temple        12:00pm     ESPNU

Old Big East rivalry game. Nobody can look away.

Chattanooga at Kentucky         12:00pm     ESPN+/SECN+

I thought Chattanooga had moved up to 1A but there’s no line listed for this game so I guess not.

8 Cincinnati at Indiana           12:00pm            ESPN

Indiana was good last year and maybe that was just a once-in-a-generation fluke but I’ve still got visions of the Hoosiers toppling Cincy and ruining their theoretically possible playoff run. I’m assuming the Bearcats won’t play anybody else better than IU this year but that’s just a guess backed by historical precedent which isn’t a thing you should really use to gamble on college football.

16 Coastal Carolina at Buffalo    12:00pm      ESPN2

Chanticleers vs. Bulls, the eternal struggle writ in football. I don’t think the CSUNY school is particularly good this year but Coastal being favorited by 14 points in an early kickoff road games still feels like a trap to this sharp.

Michigan State at 24 Miami (FL)     12:00pm    ABC

Surprisingly to me, this is the fifth all-time meeting of these two schools. Just as surprising to me, Miami has never before lost to Michigan State. Weird but makes sense if you think about it, this will be the fourth out of five matchups played in Miami. As near as I can tell, Sparty tried to use the Canes the same way Notre Dame used to as an in-season bowl game but bailed on the idea when they kept losing. To be fair, Sparty’s record in bowl games isn’t that much better than their 0-4 against Miami. The last time these two met was 1989 when Percy Snow was on his way to the Butkus Award and Miami was on their way to a third National Championship. The Hurricanes team was pretty well-stacked but is probably the least remembered of their title teams. It did feature future Hall of Famer Cortez Kennedy and a freshman OL that would go on to be September 2021′s hottest head coach in cfb, Mario Cristobal. This year’s Miami roster might look good in 30 years but right now they’re a little messy. D’Eriq King is only 8 months removed from ACL surgery (if you watch the game you will hear about this several hundred time) and has so far looked bad on his throws and a touch slower than he has in the past. Which makes sense given the timeframe but does not generally bode well for Miami’s prospects for this season.

Nebraska at 3 Oklahoma         12:00pm         FOX

If Oklahoma is a real title contender they are gonna lay Nebraska the fuck out. I’m scared of the 22.5-point line just because I don’t think the Sooners defense could stop Bishop Sycamore but it’s not crazy to think Nebraska can saw their own dicks off to the tune of a four-score loss.

New Mexico at 7 Texas A&M     12:00pm       SECN

Fuck. Jimbo must be stopped. I hate this Aggies team. UNM isn’t the team to do it but somebody along the way has to throttle aTm or this season is going to become a plague the likes of which we haven’t seen since... well, now, I guess.

UConn at Army                 12:00pm         CBSSN

Reading this matchup aloud five times in a mirror will kill college football.

Southeast Missouri at Missouri      12:00pm       ESPN+/SECN+

The southeastern part of the state will travel to within the bounds of the state for a classic football game somewhere within the borders of the state.

Minnesota at Colorado            1:00pm         P12N

I’m not completely disinterested. It’s weird and doesn’t have any national impact. Not much more you can ask for in a game you probably can’t find on your TV.

Nevada at Kansas State          2:05pm          ESPN+

Hell yeah, this is trash. Nevada is a road favorite! Take KState all the way.

Purdue at 12 Notre Dame         2:30pm          NBC

Notre Dame has looked a little bit of a mess so far but they’ve won both of their games. Not the worst position to be in. Purdue has also won both of their games. I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet but it seems like the Irish are riding the razor’s edge just asking to be pushed off. Keep an eye on this score, maybe the good people of the world will have something to celebrate in the late afternoon/early evening.

Kent State at 5 Iowa                 3:30pm         BTN

Iowa’s fifth? It’s too fucking early for this shit.

Florida State at Wake Forest     3:30pm         ESPN

0-2 Florida State goes on the road as a 4-point underdog to face 2-0 Wake Forest. Mike Norvell is really out on a plank right now and I am not sure he can safely find his way back to the deck.

Georgia Tech at 6 Clemson        3:30pm          ABC

Clemson’s got talent all over and Georgia Tech sucks but I’m still not sold on DJ Uigalelei as an NFL savior type of player. Or a national championship winner for that matter. He reminds me of EJ Manuel.

Baylor at Kansas                    3:30pm             ESPN+

Baylor is not good but the betting public is getting hip to the “bet against Kansas every chance you get” strategy so the line has jumped four points already this week and I wouldn’t be surprised if it makes it another couple before kickoff to get to 20+. Which is still probably too kind to the Jayhawks.

1 Alabama at 11 Florida           3:30pm           CBS

Bama has only had a couple of practice games against lower division opponents but they look as complete as any team I can remember from a talent/scheme perspective. This is a pretty good test and the 15-point line seems a little over-confident on the road in the Swamp. If the Bammers really do overwhelm the Gators then you can pretty much start planning on their return to the CFB Playoffs.

Tulsa at 9 Ohio State                3:30pm            FS1

Every week of every year I struggle to keep Tulsa and Toledo straight. Toledo is the one that almost beat Notre Dame last week. Tulsa is the one that lost to UC-Davis in week 1. Ohio State may be troubled on defense but that only matters against other top-tier teams. Having the line moving in Tulsa’s direction is absolute lunacy. If the Buckeyes can’t cover 25 points then they’re in real trouble. For now my guess is that Oregon is just better than we realized and OSU is going to be fine.

SMU at Louisiana Tech             3:30pm         CBSSN

This is my kind of counter-programming if nothing else is close. Not sure if there are some ponies down to have points shifting towards the Karl Malones but I think SMU is up to a two-score win.

LIU at Miami (Ohio)                    3:30pm          ESPN+

Sure, whatever you say.

USC at Washington State         3:30pm            FOX

At first I thought this was USC-UW and I was ready to emotionally invest in the drama but it’s just Wazzou. USC giving up on a playoff spot in week two to sit around and wait for Urban Meyer is going to be fucking hilarious when the Trojans end up getting jilted at the altar.

Idaho at Oregon State                3:30pm           P12N Oregon

Pac-12 Network Oregon. This implies the existence of a P12N Washington. I’ve seen the main network on TV before. It was fine if a little bit too “featuring Matt Leinart” for my tastes but seeing the weird way they’ve splintered their content is giving me a deeper understanding of west coast football fans that absolutely hate the Pac-12 Network.

Bryant at Akron                           3:30pm           ESPN3

Tune in to see some guy named Bryant touring around Akron.

Elon at Appalachian State          3:30pm           ESPN+

I hope App State runs this grifter out of their campus on a rail. The more bad stuff happens to Elon Musk the better off all of humanity will be.

Delaware at Rutgers                   3:30pm             BTN

Fuck me, this is just all the pain in the world masquerading as a sporting event.

Eastern Michigan at UMass         3:30pm          FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t have much interest in this game but seeing that it’s available on the Nintendo Entertainment System Network is intriguing.

Colorado State at Toledo              4:00pm           ESPNU

Toledo blew a huge opportunity last week so they’re ripe for a letdown but all signs point to Colorado State being incredibly bad at football this year.

Sacramento State at California    4:00pm          P12N Bay Area

P12N Bay Area probably reaches cable subscribers in like Vallejo and nowhere else in the entire world. When I put it that way it seems like exactly where this game belongs but it’s still not a thing that should exist. I mean the network but it’s true for the game also.

Northwestern at Duke              4:00pm              ACCN

Disgusting.

Mississippi State at Memphis        4:00pm          ESPN2

I think Memphis can knock down the SEC’s middle tier but I haven’t gotten a clear idea of either of these teams yet.

Georgia Southern at 20 Arkansas       4:00pm      SECN

Arkansas rose up last week because of the weird insistence by Lice Dad that playing a middling Texas team was the biggest game in school history. Arkansas has played in the SEC CG more than once. They’ve won a national championship. How does a guy that’s paid to be an SEC homer even make such a dumb statement and keep his job?

Ball State at Wyoming                  4:00pm             Stadium

I watched the CFB 150 episode about the Black 14 this week so now it’s all I can think about for Wyoming football.

Arkansas State at Washington       4:15pm            P12N

What the hell happened to UDub to fall back to this lowly spot? Did Chris Peterson just fall on his ass in recruiting?

Murray State at Bowling Green       5:00pm           ESPN3

This sounds like a sixties movie title for a spy agency thriller that could be mistaken for a comedy when not viewed through a then-contemporary lens.

East Carolina at Marshall                 6:00pm         Facebook

ECU is looking like a doormat and Marshall might be really good again but I would never in good conscience ever contribute to facebook’s good fortunes wittingly.

Fordham at Florida Atlantic             6:00pm             ESPN3

I want to love this game but I actually hate it.

Old Dominion at Liberty                    6:00pm           ESPN3

There is going to be so much COVID passed around this stadium.

Middle Tennessee at UTSA                6:00pm          ESPN+

Beautiful, horrible, unwatchable mess. This is where you go to feel like you are alone in the universe.

Troy at Southern Miss                        7:00pm             ESPN+

There’s also this.

Grambling State at Houston               7:00pm             ESPN+

And this one.

Utah at San Diego State                      7:00pm            CBSSN

This is real entertainment. Twitter will be all over the next listing so I’ll be FOMO’d into watching that for a while but SDSU-Utah on CBS SN might be where I first dreamt up the concept of degenerate football. It was either that or a UFL game featuring a QB duel between Daunte Culpepper and Jeff Garcia.

South Carolina at 2 Georgia               7:00pm             ESPN

I’m waiting for Georgia to bumble. I’m counting on it. Georgia-Clemson was a classic early season game that somehow helps both teams in the rankings all year but ends up actually being a showcase of how shitty their offense are rather than a referendum on great defense.

UIW at Texas State                             7:00pm              ESPN3

I think UIW is a union trade school or something. So I guess I’m rooting for them.

Charlotte at Georgia State                 7:00pm              ESPN+

Charlotte’s semester in Atlanta would shape her life in ways that nobody could have envisioned when she left her family’s home in the late summer following her failed attempt to run a bakeshop.

FIU at Texas Tech                              7:00pm             ESPN+

Maybe I actually hate college football.

Florida A&M at USF                           7:00pm             ESPN+

USF could lose this. Worth checking on if you see an upset alert.

Furman at NC State                          7:30pm            RSN/ESPN3

Body bag game.

Utah State at Air Force                     7:30pm             FS2

Kind of neat degenerate game but, depending on the uniform choices, could be a bit monotone and tough to follow.

Virginia at 21 North Carolina             7:30pm             ACCN

The South’s Oldest Rivalry! Like most of the previous 125 meetings of these two school’s, this year’s game will mainly decide who sucks worse. Of course in the ACC Coastal being slightly less bad than your opponents is the winningest strategy of all. Go Hoos!

Stony Brook at 4 Oregon                   7:30pm            P12N

Great scheduling to follow up an emotional game with a body bag. I’m not being facetious, this is right where you need these games.

UAB at North Texas                          7:30pm           Stadium

Not gonna open an app or whatever to watch this but I bet it’s fun for off-brand college football.

Central Michigan at LSU                  7:30pm             SECN

LSU at home at night is supposed to be the best atmosphere in college football. Way better than a 19.5-point line against Central Michigan. What stage of LSU’s life cycle are we in right now?

22 Auburn at 10 Penn State               7:30pm            ABC

War goddamn Eagle, baby. Penn State is doing that stupid white out thing which, correct if I’m wrong again, only goes for the people in the stands. So they’ll all be dressed up in pretty much Auburn’s road colors to watch Auburn. I hate Auburn but I really hate Penn State.

Alcorn State at South Alabama          8:00pm           ESPN3

Things are looking rough for the rest of the docket.

Rice at Texas                                      8:00pm            LHN

A battle of equals.

Stanford at Vanderbilt                        8:00pm           ESPNU

Look at this American aristocracy horse shit. Fuck these schools and the teams of horses that carried them in.

Tulane at 17 Mississippi                      8:00pm              ESPN2

The racist south may just have the nation’s best QB. It’s a good year for Matt Corral to show off his arm strength because 2022 is not looking like a bumper crop of QB draftees at this far off date. He’s small for the position but Kyler Murray, Baker Mayfield and Russell Wilson are all smaller. If the arm talent is real he could go #1 overall.

Jackson State at ULM                         8:00pm              ESPN3

Nope.

SC State at New Mexico State            8:00pm           FloFootball / CW El Paso

Sorry.

Oklahoma State at Boise State              9:00pm          FS1

Whoa whoa whoa. This is uniform heaven. And on the blue turf? Your eyes will burn. Embrace that feeling.

Northern Arizona at Arizona                  10:00pm          P12N AZ

P12N AZ. Holy shit. What the hell were these people thinking? This has to be the smallest demo ever targeted by a network.

19 Arizona State at 23 BYU                     10:15pm          ESPN

Seeing these teams face off as ranked opponents is very weird. Real late 80s vibe here. It’s titillating in its way. Might not even be the most fun game in the late night region.

14 Iowa State at UNLV                           10:30pm           CBSSN

UNLV is an absolute wasteland of a program. It’s kind of stupid, really. They aren’t in an unsellable spot and they don’t play the most rugged schedule but year after year after year they lose 9 or more games. Makes more sense than not having a good baseball program but there should be some G5 magic in Vegas. Iowa State is going to roll.

Fresno State at 13 UCLA                       10:45pm            P12N

Chip Kelly having UCLA as the premier program in L.A. is something I couldn’t have seen coming just last week but we’re there now. And Fresno State plays some wild offense that could/should make this the late night hangout spot. If you can find it. If you have this channel. That shouldn’t be a question! Fuckin’ a, Pac-12, what are you doing?

San Jose State at Hawaii                      12:30am            FS1

Technically a Sunday game but I cut the header because if you’re watching this there is an implicit understanding that it’s still Saturday. Not sure what’s going on with the kick time, though. I was under the impression that Hawaii games had to kick off by 11:59pm Eastern to count with the rest of the week’s games. Very odd. That’s really all I have to say about this game.

[qualityrain]

somebody take aggie away from me

[spitfire-of-the-sea]

Band-aid

Modern AU, AcexOC; fluffy silliness as I'm trying to find a way to write the next chapter or piece that's more canon. Chapter 2 of a Modern AU fic I have in mind (pure self indulgence, mind you; a girl needs her romance/Ace fix).

I think I need to work on my intro-paragraphs, but didn't want to plunge into the fluff right away. Although that might be more interesting in that way.

Pure fluff, SFW!

The second time they met was the day before the big fundraiser fare for the medical center – the medical division had been planning it for weeks now; they were using the big square in front of the center and were putting up stands. The plan was to sell baked goods and other foods, self-made art, and whatever else people volunteered to offer. Tate had tried to get them to put up a kissing booth, but as far as he knew nobody had been willing to sign up for manning it. He certainly hadn’t been.

Between Marco’s contacts and the medical staff, they had quite the array of helpers and it promised to be a fun little affair that would raise a decent amount of money – which would all go to the pro-bono program Marco had initiated with the opening of the medical center to also help people from other islands, who were less fortunate.

The day before the big event everybody had gathered to put up the stands and arrange everything as needed so that tomorrow morning the only remaining task was to bring in the goods and manpower. Marco had asked his brothers for help and almost everybody had turned up – as had Ace. He was currently busy trying to put together one of the stands designated for food and with Marco having been called away by somebody, he was left alone with it. Two hands sadly were too few for the task at hand, and he had to admit that he was struggling a bit – the wood was rough and between holding it in place and trying to hammer in a nail to stabilize the construction somewhat, he felt a sharp pain in his hand.

Ace flinched back, grimacing as he looked his hand over. The spot between his thumb and index finger was burning unpleasantly and as he took a closer look, he noticed a splinter lodged there.  He tried to grab at it and pull it out, but with his blunt, short fingernails he had absolutely no chance.

Shacking his hand absentmindedly, he looked around to see if Marco was already returning, but of course, he had no such luck.

Cursing under his breath, he shook his hand and decided to simply continue working, grabbing the hammer again. He could find somebody to help him with that later, there shouldn’t be a lack of people able to do that, after all.

“Are you alright?” he heard somebody ask over his shoulder and almost dropped the hammer right onto his toes. Catching it just in time, he turned around and came face-to-face with the woman he’d met a week ago looking for Marco. She’d bent down to look over his shoulder, which brought them pretty close with him turning to her. Close enough to notice the color rising to her face before she quickly stepped back and straightened to put some distance between them. He almost laughed but settled for an easy smile instead. He hadn’t expected to see her here – even though he should have; she was working here, after all, and all the medical staff he knew was hard at work to put everything up.

“It’s nothing, just got a splinter,” he explained and wiggled his fingers, resisting the urge to grimace at the burning sensation. Then, leaning back to look up at her from his crouched position: “Hi, by the way.”

That earned him a smile in return. “Hi,” she echoed back. “The wood is pretty rough, usually construction is doing a better job than this. You’re the third victim today.” She tilted her head to the side, regarding him. “Want me to take a look?”

She was right, he’d not usually expect this from their construction division. He’d talk to Fossa and Aggie about it, perhaps some rookie hadn’t taken a close enough look before giving them free for delivery. “I’ll live,” he said evenly. “I’ll first put this thing here up. Who knows how many more I’ll be getting along the way.”

His answer seemed to displease her, she pursed her lips and then crouched down to be on eye level with him. “If you keep working like this, it’ll only lodge deeper and be harder to get out. It’ll take only a moment – and then I can help you with this thing here.” She gestured towards the wooden contraption behind him.

His smile widened as he looked her over. The soft breeze was tousling the tips of her ponytail and she was squinting a bit against the bright sunlight, her grey eyes locked on his hand. She reached out a hand, palm facing up and after a moment’s hesitation, he placed his hand in hers, not looking away from her face. She pressed her lips into a thin line as she turned his hand this way and that with both of hers – it wasn’t lost on him how much smaller her hands were compared to his. Or how soft her fingertips felt against his skin. “It’s pretty deep,” she told him. “Wait for a second!”

Dropping his hand into her lap, she pulled her little backpack from her shoulder and set it on the ground next to them. He wondered if he should pull his hand back, but opted to just leave it there in her lap. Not a bad place, all things considered. He felt a grin form on his lips and bit it back.

After some rummaging, she produced a small etui and pulled a little forceps out of it before she returned her attention to his hand, lifting it up higher and turning it until she had a clear view.

“This might pinch a bit, but I think I can get it,” she told him and went to work. She was cute, he thought, when she looked so concentrated, twisting her upper body into a better position for her little operation. And then scratched the thought. She looked cute, period. He barely registered the little jolt of pain running through his hand when she tried to get the splinter out, and only flinched slightly when she finally managed to grab it and pull it free. She was right, I had slipped in deeper than he had thought. A few drops of blood welled up from the tiny wound and he watched her face fall at the sight with some amusement.

“Thanks,” he said and tried to pull his hand free, but a few of her fingers curled around his index finger, holding it in place.

“Not done,” she told him and he quirked an eyebrow at her, which she ignored in favor of placing the forceps away and pulling a little spray bottle out of her bag. When she sprayed two times onto the site where the splinter had been, he smelled that it was disinfectant and laughed. He’d probably never in his life disinfected a splinter wound – and he’d had many.

“That grave of a wound, huh?” he asked her and she looked at him, the corners of her mouth twitching into a grin.

“Let it never be said that you got an infection at the medical center of all things. The press would be all over it,” she explained with a wink.

“You think I can have my hand back now, so I can go back to work? Or do you prescribe bed rest?” he asked, not actually feeling all that much urgency to recover his hand from hers. But still, he’d have to at least pretend, right?

She blinked and looked from his face to his hand before a mischievous grin formed on her face. One he quite liked, although perhaps he was thinking of different types of bed rest for a moment. Ones that didn’t involve a lot of resting, admittedly.

“I’m not done yet,” she told him and went about rummaging in her bag again before pulling out a little box, recovering something from it, and a second later she was already putting a band-aid over the site where the splinter had been. He stared at it for a heartbeat before breaking into laughter. It was bright turquoise and had pink polka dots on it – it was positively hideous.

“There,” she said with a smug smirk. “Now you’ll get your hand back.”

His eyes found hers and he pulled his hand back, regretting that they were no longer touching perhaps a bit too much. “Thank you for the very professional treatment; and the beautiful reminder of a wound earned in service to the community. You always carry those around?” He lifted his hand for emphasis.

She giggled, her eyes darting to the band-aid before she put away all the things she’d used on him. “It’s the last ones I have. They’re so ugly that I never used them,” she admitted and he snorted a laugh.

“You’re meaner than you look,” he informed her, not meaning a word. “This right here is proof that we have a two-class society. I bet you give all the nice band-aids to the rich and beautiful, and poor dolts like me only get the leftovers.”

A smile twitched around her mouth as she looked him up and down. “I’ll have you know that you got the first-class treatment!” she said with faked haughtiness. “If it’s any consolation, I figured a handsome guy like you can endure that band-aid without problems.”

She stood up abruptly then and he was left staring at her, wordless for a moment, and something in his chest tightening at her words. Before he had time to think of an answer, she grabbed her backpack and slung it over one shoulder. “I just need to quickly check in with Marco, and see if there is anything important.”

She was gone the next moment and he thought it looked a bit like flight. Watching her retreating form, he rubbed over the band-aid on his hand, humming to himself. So she thought he was handsome, huh?

[uberff]

Chapter 21

Robyn

For the two minutes that Eric’s been here, I’ve been in his arms with tears rolling down my face. When I told him that all of the tests came out positive, he made his way over to my house. After Winter and Jaylen stormed out, I was by myself with no one to express my feelings to. While they were peeling off, E was pulling up. I mustered up a nervous smile and hugged him tight. I always felt safe wrapped in his arms.

“Whatever you wanna do, I’m with you, Rob.” He mumbled against my neck and I nodded as he rocked us from side to side in the middle of my living room. “Don’t give them negative thoughts no clout. Look at me,” I looked up at him and he swiped my tears away with his cold hands.

“If ain’t nobody else here for you, I’ma always show up ‘bout you. You hear me?” I nodded and looked away. He brought my eyes back to his gaze. “I’m serious, Rob.”

“Okay.” I whispered and he kissed my forehead. “You wanna talk to me about this game-plan we gotta set?” He asked and I shook my head. I just wanted to sleep, honestly. This shit has to be a dream.

“Why, baby girl?” He asked, walking me over to the couch.

“Eric, I’m scared. Everything in my life has been temporary. Literally everything and I’m scared that if I give you my all, I’ll be assed out again. This time with a baby, I don’t know what to do with a kid right now.”

“If you give me your all, I’ma match it. Fuck them niggas who realized that you was the truth the minute you walked out they lives. I met you a few months ago and I can’t fathom losing you now. You mean something to a nigga, I admit this shit is happening fast but we got the chance to create something beautiful together. If you not with it, let me know. I’ll slide you the bread and let you handle that.”

“I don’t want you to go. Meeting you was so refreshing but everything is happening fast and I didn’t mean for it to happen, I-“

“Baby, I was there too. We was gone in the moment, we could’ve been more careful but shit happens. My genes are strong and handsome as fuck, you that distraught that we about to have a shawty?” I smiled and leaned on his shoulder.

“No. If it would’ve happened later on in life, I would’ve been bouncing off the walls. It’s just that my business is just now starting up and we haven’t known each other for that long.”

“Miss me with that shit. If I’m interested, I’m an observant nigga. I felt like I’ve been knowing you for my whole life. Know your beautiful ass like the back of my hand.” He turned his hand over and I read over his tattoo. Loyalty.

“I’m an open book. I let everyone know too much.” I admitted and he put our foreheads together. “We gotta change that. Niggas take advantage of vulnerability. Ain’t nobody stepping over my baby mama no more.” He laughed and I smiled, hitting him softly.

“You’re not scared?” I asked and looked off into space. Thinking deep into the future. Is it a boy or a girl? What kind of mother would I be? My life is literally about to change forever.

“Lowkey. I have nieces and shit so I guess they’ve been practice this whole time. We gon’ figure it out together, baby. Don’t worry about nothing. I ain’t gon’ stop ya business grind, you got the whole nine months to keep snatching edges and shit.” He smiled and I mirrored it. “Gimme kiss.”

I held his face and pecked his lips softly. “From this point, I’ma have you and whoever in there.” He rubbed my flat stomach and put me on his lap. “For life, Robyn. Fuck everybody and they opinions on our dynamic.”

“Thank you.”

“We gon’ spend plenty of time getting to know each more. Your picky and perfect ass gon’ drive me crazy but I’ma love every second of catering to you.”

“Really?” I mumbled playing with his chain and overthinking again.

“Yes. I’m loyal to those I got love for.”

“Same but it all went to waste.”

“Charge up. You was loyal to the wrong ones. A real nigga here now.” He massaged my ass and a smile crept on my face when I saw his.

**

”Damn, you need me to fye you up? You sound stressed.” Qua asked as he sat up from my bed. I shook my head no, as he rose an eyebrow. He knew I’d never turn down a blunt from him.

“I can’t smoke.” I laughed, before I stopped once I realized that I had to tell him what was up with him. I didn’t know how he was going to react. I just prayed that it wasn’t like Winter’s reaction. Girl almost made me fight her ass. She was being hella judgemental, so I ain’t talked to her in weeks and I don’t plan on it.

“Why not?” He put his blunt back in his pocket. I sighed, scratching my head thinking of how this was gonna come out.

“I’m uh... I’m pregnant.” I said as I looked up at his face. He took his glasses off, giving me a look.

“Please don’t do that Qua, please don’t. You’re the only person I know that’s hella understanding, you never judge.” I begged as he sighed. When I say Qua never judged, he didn’t. He’d tell me whenever I fucked up or when I was in the wrong, but he’d never judge me. I could go out and get a train ran on me, and he wouldn’t judge me at all. He’d just be like, “aye, that’s yo business.”

“I ain’t judging you, a nigga just shocked. I gotta keep it a 100 witcha, though.” He shrugged, patting the spot next to him for me to sit on.

“Ain’t no point in trying to make you feel like shit, cause it’s already done but I’m disappointed, ma. You know I always told you to stay strapped.” He joked, but was still serious at the same time. I laughed because he always told me to keep a condom on me because now wasn’t the time for kids.

“But nah foreal, I ain’t even met dude yet. What if he a lame? How you know he gone be a good father? You finally got to open ya store, and I’m telling you now.. a baby hard work. You had a whole lotta’ goals to pursue before having a baby.”

“I know that.” He grabbed my hand, placing it inside of his.

“Just be careful, and start making smarter decisions. Congrats ona’ baby. How far along you is?”

“I haven’t went to the doctor yet, so I have no idea. Should be only a few weeks.”

“Whenever you go, let me know. You ain’t been hitting my line lately.”

“I know, I’m so sorry. I’ve been super busy.”

“You good, I understand. Hella people been hitting you up for they Valentines fits. People been hitting me up to try to get in contact with you.” I smiled.

“I love you so much, Qua. You’re always here for me. From the day I met you, you were so caring and concerned.” I hugged him as he laughed, wrapping his arms around me. He really had a big heart.

“Gotta be. You a sweet person and ain’t ever hurt a fly. Shit, you even taught a nigga a lot.I luh’ you too.” He squeezed me, before tickling me.

The only thing that could be heard were my loud giggles as I squirmed around, trying to get out of his hold. “Qua! Stop, oh my god!” I laughed, uncontrollably as he continued to torture me.

He finally stopped and let me catch my breath. “I’m bout to head out tho, shoot start at 11 AM tomorra’.” He stood up, embracing me into a big hug. He was so long that he had to bend down.

“Bye, be safe! Tell the boys I said hi.” I said as I watched him walk out to the car that his driver was picking him up in.

**

Next Day

“You just tryna see my dick, that’s all.” Qua said as I bent down to measure his waist. I rolled my eyes, playfully punching his skinny ass.

I was designing outfits for all three of them for one of their upcoming video shoots, and I was actually excited for it. I barely got to see Qua, so working with him would be dope. Fun as well, because they were always joking around. I knew exactly what I had in store for them.

“All done.” I smiled as I stood up. His collar on his shirt was fucked up, so I started to fix it up for him.

“You always getting a nigga right.” He laughed, looking down at me through his Gucci shades.

“Good, cause yo ass was lookin’ like Dracula wit’ dat’ damn colla’ up like dat’.” Offset said making everyone laugh except Qua. He was forever talking about somebody.

“So what time do I need to come tomorrow?” I asked as I grabbed my essentials. Qua stroked his goatee, thinking to himself before he spoke.

“Bout 9.”

“AM?” I questioned.

“Fasho.”

“Y’all better be providing breakfast.” I planned on sleeping in tomorrow, because I’ve been working back to back. On top of that, I had a doctor’s appointment after this.

“Yea, this sausage.” Set said, making Qua smack him upside the head. I ain’t even gone lie, I had to laugh at that one cause I wasn’t expecting that.

“You got a way home?” Qua asked as I shook my head no. I know I had to get a car, ASAP. I didn’t mind taking Lyfts here and there, but having my own car would be nice. Plus, I hated asking for things.

“No, I was just gonna call a Lyft.” I said as he gave me a look before taking my bags out of my hand, walking outside to his car. After putting my bags in his backseat, he opened the door for me an

“I’ll holla atcha’, Batman.”

“Bye, Upset.”

“Be smoo’ Robyn!” Take yelled out and I blew a kiss to him afterwards. He was so sweet, and always stayed to himself. It was cute.

Once everyone else left, I realized that Qua and I were still sitting in the driveway. I look over and him, and he looked deep in thought so I decided to not interrupt him.

“I gotta tell you some shit..” he spoke, taking my attention away from the Popeyes a few feet away that smelled really good.

“Tell me then.” I rose an eyebrow, as he looked nervous as hell. He was never nervous.

“I know we tried this shit befo- nah fuck it. Forget I brought it up.”

“Qua! You’re so aggy for that!”

“I’m sorry mama, I should’ve just kept it to myself. I’m throwed as fuck, and I ain’t tryna say some shit that i ain’t gone remember.”

By now, I already knew what he was going to say and I didn’t wanna be in that awkward position, so I just forgot about it like he asked me to. Well, it’s a little too late for that, because the rest of the car ride.. we were quiet and there’s never a dull moment with us.

Once I got back in my apartment, I noticed Eric sound asleep on the couch. I’m guessing my presence had woke him up, because he kept moving. “Hey, where you been at?”

“Oh, I was styling a few guys for their video shoot today.”

“Cool, I had just stopped by to make you some dinner but you took long as fuck, so I fell asleep. My bad.”

“Oh no, you’re fine. I’ll just make something quick.” I disappeared into the kitchen, looking inside of the fridge so that I could make a sandwich. As soon as I got my ingredients out, it took me out 10 minutes to perfect the sandwich. Once I was done, I put everything back and started to walk back into the living room to sit on the couch with E.

Biting into my sandwich, I moaned at the taste. This was the best meal I’ve eaten all day, to be honest.

“How was ya day?” He asked, bringing my feet on top of his lap to massage them.

“It was pretty smooth. I woke up super early, but they had breakfast which was great. Everyone was pretty easy to work with, so time went by kinda fast. What about you, babe?” He started to talk, but the way that sandwich just hit the spot and how good he was caressing my feet, bitch I was out like a light.

Jasmine

I was happy to be out that nerve wracking ass center, but I was hella irritated to be back at my bullshit ass job. I hated it here, but the money wasn’t gone make itself and I had bills to pay.

My dad spoils the fuck outta me, and he doesn’t even want me working, but that’s bogus to me. I ain’t bout to live off of his hard earned money, I can’t. I wanna be like him one day, and I know I have to start from the bottom to get to the top.

I know exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but I just didn’t know where to start. I can’t just quit my job, up and leave and go follow my dreams. Well, I can but shit ain’t as easy as 123, feel me?

I snapped outta my thoughts once someone came to my register. Looking up, it was the same guy that I had met from the center. Jaylen.

We had been talking for a couple of days, and he was cool as hell. Fine as hell too, but my daddy warned me about his type. I know he ain’t shit.

I started to wonder why he was even in such a fucked up place like the center. He seemed like a put together dude, but then again you can’t judge a book by its cover.

I️ was at the center for my anger/mental issues. It had nothing to do with drugs. If anything, them shits helped.

My dad insisted that I️ get help, and I️ did. Not only because he told me to, but because I️ wanted to. I️ was starting to become a whole different person, and I️ wasn’t feelin’ it. I’d yell, curse, everything in the book at people for the littlest reasons. I️ couldn’t go out like that anymore. Hell, I️ was starting not to like my own damn self.

Ever since I️ came to the center, I️ learned that the anger I️ had built up was from growing up. Growing up, I️ never really had support from my mother and everyone I️ thought that I️ could trust, turned on me. Everyone that said they’d always be there for me left. Eventually, a bitch like me just said fuck it and stopped caring about sappy ass shit like that and turned cold hearted. People hated it.

I️ hated it, but it was my only choice. I️ ain’t ask to be that way, but I️ was tired of people fucking me over. I️ got in too deep of that mindset, that I️ didn’t even recognize myself.

I️t all started with my mom. I️ hated that bitch. As I️ started getting old enough to notice things, I️ realized that she’d cheat on my father multiple times while he was out working his ass off day to night to provide shelter for us.

She be gone for weeks and come home as if nothing happened, and after a while.. my dad never said anything because he loved her too much.

I’ve had plenty of plays, games, pageants, you name it. Every single one, I waited and waited for her to show up like she said she would, and she never did. She always stood me up. Eventually, she just stopped coming around and nobody knows where she is, nor do I care. She’on care about me or my daddy, so why should I care about what she got going on?

Shit I even had friends that I’ve shared my deepest and darkest secrets with, stop talking to me over a nigga.

I watched the love of my life.. end his life in front of me while I screamed and begged him not to. I tried to help him every chance I got to, but he always shut me out and told me he was okay. I knew he wasn’t and that’s why I never let it go. He was at a really low point in his life, and outta no where.. I wake up from my nap because he’s making a lot of noise because he’s drunk. Once I gained my vision, I noticed that he had a gun on him. Knowing that he was depressed, I tried to take it from him immediately. He’s screaming at me to give it back, while I’m trying to calm him down. I’m crying, telling him that it’s not worth it and that I truly care about him and love him dearly. Shit, he’s one of the best things that’s happened to me.

He watched me get on my knees and beg him not to do it... And he did it. Right in front of me.

Til this day, it still fucks with me and I feel like that plays another big part towards my built up emotions. The center has actually helped me in a way, and I didn’t think it would. I was glad that I checked myself in. I’m doing way better than what I was, trust me.

“Damn, what you over there thinkin’ bout?” Jaylen’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. I forgot he was even here.

“I’m sorry, I was thinking way too deep. What brings you here? I know you ain’t come to just buy no candy.”

“I was on the block and I wanted to stop by and see ya pretty ass face.”

“You ain’t smooth.” I smirked, bagging his candy. He seen his total on the screen and slid his card to pay.

“I got you over there blushing though.” I bit my lip, and tried to hide my face behind the screen as he laughed. I wasn’t blushing, I just liked to smile.

“Nah, not even.” He waved me off, taking the receipt out of my hand.

“You should let me chill wit you when you get off.” He suggested and I thought about it for a second. That ain’t sound too bad, plus I was off tomorrow.

“How you know I ain’t got something else to do?”

“You probably do, but all I know is.. ima be at ya crib tonight at 10 so don’t try to make no other plans.” He winked at me before walking off. I smiled shaking my head, not even realizing how hard I was blushing.

Ugh, I hated this feeling.

A couple of hours went by, and I was finally off of work, which made me happy because I ready to get the hell away from these people.

I ended up at my dad’s house, because I hadn’t seen him in 2 days and that was just too long for me. My daddy was literally my best friend.

He was on the couch with a Cigar hanging outta his mouth, making me laugh. “I hope yo ass brought some food cause you be quick as hell to eat up all of mines.”

“You didn’t cook? That’s the only reason I came over, daddy.”

“Hell no, today my relax day.” I rolled my eyes, because he always said that. Everyday was his relax day, let him tell it.

“I got the flowers and card that you sent today. Thanks, you almost made me cry in front of those people.” My dad made it a habit of sending me flowers on a daily basis, and I loved it. It’s the simplest things that makes my day.

“I try, I try.”

“Somebody gone appreciate you one day, old man.”

“Shit, about that-“ he started to talk until a woman’s voice cut him off.

“Victor, you coming back to bed?” I looked towards the direction of her voice and seen a really beautiful woman in a red robe, peeking around the corner. I gasped.

“Daddy!” I said loudly, covering my mouth. I’m over here 24/7, never have I heard or seen this woman.

He chuckled nervously and told her to come out to the living room. I did not wanna meet anybody coming out of his room in a robe.

My dad excused himself, making me sigh as my big brother came in, making shit worse.

“Eyyy, wassup baby sis.” I rolled my eyes and ignored his presence, moving his arm from around me.

“Why you gotta all Hollywood errytime a nigga come around? You’n never show me no love.” He was hella irritating. I barely saw him because of this dumbass shit he be doing, and he tries to send me all types of designer to make up for it but I could care less about that.

Izzy was one of the biggest drug lords out here in NY. He started off just selling when he was in high school, but I’m guessing the man that ran the whole business got sick, and Izzy was the only one that everybody respected besides ole dude, so he passed it down to him.

He was smart as hell, and had way more full ride scholarships to college than I did, but he let the drug life get the best of him. He dropped out when he only had half a semester left to graduate.

Ever since then, he was always getting into trouble. I wasn’t trying to be in none of his drama, so I just told him to stop talking to me in general. He and my dad claim that I’m wrong for it, but I don’t see how. He ain’t about to get me shot up. I love him to death, but nah.

“Cause you’re stupid, Iz.”

“Ion’ wanna talk about that shit while I’m at home, Jas. When you gone get over it? I been doin’ this shit since I was 16, ya attitude getting mad old now.” He sat down next to me on the couch.

I looked over at him fixing the collar on his Gucci shirt so that all 5 of his chains could show. One thing I could say about him was that he always cleaned up nice. You’d never catch him looking bummy.

“Because I care about you, and it pisses me off that you wanna ruin your life over something so dumb. You’re better than this.”

“Am I dead?”

“No, but if you don’t stop this shit, death or jail is right around the corner. You just got out for doing a 3 year sentence a couple of weeks ago, and what do you do? Go back to doing the same dumb shit.”

“So you think you Oprah or sumn’?” I rose an eyebrow at his sudden attitude.

“Think about your fam instead of yourself sometimes. Daddy lost his best friend to the same shit you doing right now. He tried telling him over and over that it wasn’t worth it, and right when he finally listened.. he got killed.”

“Aye sis, times be hard and I work too hard to be making minimum wage. I refuse to slave for a muhfucka’ for some little ass pay.”

“There are so many options out here, and you and I both know that you got the money to do whatever you want. You got enough money to where you don’t even have to work for the rest of your life! Go do something you love!”

“Like what, since you know everything.”

“Are you serious, Iz? Everybody knows music is your thing. It always has been. Invest in yourself! Produce!” He brushed over his waves, thinking about what I was telling him. I hope it wasn’t going one ear out of the other.

“Tell you what? Ima think real hard about that one and get back to ya on it.” I nodded with a smile, embracing him in a hug.

Well, we were getting some where. Usually he’d just shut that down on the spot and tell me no straight up, and he never told a lie.

“Let me spend a night at ya crib.”

“I’m having company tonight.”

“Who? Bet not be one of them pussy ass niggas you be fuckin’ wit.” Literally every dude stopped talking to me once they found out Izzy was my brother, and I don’t know why. He ain’t nobody to be scared of, these niggas just pussy. But then again, I haven’t seen the other side of him and I don’t want to. The Izzy I knew was sweet as hell, smart, and putting a smile on someone’s face. Hell, he was scared of clowns. If he saw one, he’d scream like a girl.

“Boy I don’t say nun’ bout all these nasty girls you be messing with.”

“I’m grown.”

“Oh so I’m not?”

“Nah, you gone always be baby sis.” I rolled my eyes and stood up to grab my purse. He swore I was his daughter.

“I’m out.” I started to walk towards the door. I would tell my daddy bye, but knowing him, he was probably up there doing something with that woman of his.

“Hold up rude ass, let me walk you out.”

Jaylen

I️ drove to Jasmine’s house, with the top off as I danced around to Drake’s Passionfruit that was blaring throughout my car. To say that I️ was in a good ass mood was an understatement. I️ smoked before I️ left the house, and a nigga was feeling good.

I️ know being around Jas was gone make my high even better. It took her some time to even get a bit comfortable with me.

After meeting her at the center, I ain’t see her for a couple of days. I got released, went to the store and seen her there. We ate together at some bomb ass spot, and exchanged numbers instantly. I talk to lil mama almost everyday and she cool as fuck. She the only person I know that can relate to me on some deep shit.

Being around her took my mind off of Robyn, completely and I was loving that shit. I️ wasn’t trying to start a relationship or no shit, and she wasn’t either. We were chillin’.

I️ pulled her into the driveway of her home, impressed because her shit was better than my condo. I needed to get on her level.

She was hella spoiled by her daddy, and I️ knew he bought her this nice ass house. I️ respect that she doesn’t just live off of her dad though. She be working even though she doesn’t have to.

Grabbing the bottle of Henny that she asked me to bring, I️ locked the doors to my car. Once I️ made it to her doorstep, I️ rang the doorbell as I️ waited patiently for her beautiful ass to answer the door.

“I’m comingggggg!” I️ heard her sing, making me chuckle. Shit, I’d love to hear her scream those words more often.

I️ pushed my dirty thoughts away, because I️ knew she wasn’t giving me any play no time soon.

The door swung open, and she stood in front of me with a big smile on her face. Without thinking twice, I️ embraced her into a big ass hug, squeezing the fuck outta her. She smelled like strawberries and shit.

“Hey.” She said as she pulled away, shutting and locking her door.

“Wassup? What you do all day?”

“Hung out with my dad.” She sat down on the couch, taking the bottle of Hennessy out my hand. I️ chuckled at how ready she was.

“Damn you ain’t playing no games, huh?”

“I️ gotta work for the rest of the week after tomorrow, I️ need this.”

Jas worked in retail, and she hated it. She had went to college for four years, but she doesn’t know what to do right now so she’s just working. She claims she doesn’t have any talents, but I know exactly what that shit is.

“Drink up, mama. I️ need that shit, too.” She popped the bottle open, and took that shit to the head in no time. I️ sat up, widening my mouth as she downed that shit with no problem.

“Damn, slow down.” I️ laughed, taking the bottle away from her mouth. She had drunken half of it already.

She wiped her mouth, smiling as she turned the music from her TV up. Getting this shit over with, I️ chugged the other half of the Henny down just as she did. When I️ was finished, I️ sat the bottle down on the table, rubbing my stomach because I️ was hungry as fuck.

I ain’t been drinking like I used to so I couldn’t just down that shit like it was water no more.

“What you got to eat?”

“Our favorite.”

“My fat ass got a lot of favorites.” I sat back in against her couch, with low eyes, laughing. She chuckled right along with me.

“Wings, boy.”

“Oh aight, that’s cool. Where they at?” I licked my lips, sitting up so that she could show me where the fuck they was at.

She stood up, holding her hand out for me to grab. I grabbed it, looking at her booty the whole time she led the way to the kitchen. She wore this little ass skin tight dress on purpose. If I ain’t respect her, I would’ve been fucked.

Pushing that thought away, we both walked into her kitchen.

I looked on the island and saw a box of Wings sitting there with my name on it. With no hesitation, I said my grace and started to dig in. She started to walk off but I pulled her back.

“Where you going?” I said with a mouth full of chicken. These wings were bussin’ and cussin’ right now.

“To my room. You fine but ion’ wanna watch you eat playa.” I laughed.

“How I’m post to know where ya room at?” I questioned, looking around. She acting like her house ain’t have a thousand rooms in this bitch.

“Upstairs, first door. You can’t miss it. I’ll leave it open for you.” I nodded and left her skip off to her room.

As I started back eating, I pulled my phone out because I was lonely as fuck down here. Watching a couple of Basketball highlights for a good 20 minutes, I was finally finished with my food and I was still hungry.

Cleaning up my mess, I put my phone in my pocket and went turned off the lights in the kitchen. Walking around the corner, there her stairs were so I walked up them. Her door was cracked open, but I decided to be a creep because I heard her talking to herself.

I realized that she was making those little voices like she always did. She need to be put in somebody’s movie for that shit. She swore she wasn’t talented. Voice acting was for her, foreal.

“You up in here acting like you Shrek and shit, but you ain’t got no talent?” I questioned as she jumped and turned around.

“You scared me.” She put her hand on her heart. I took her hand, interlocking both of them with mines, bringing both of us down on top of her bed.

I know she felt how hard my dick was because I felt how wet she was. I licked my lips, looking her in her eyes. I knew she wanted it as bad as I did, but she wasn’t gone give it up yet. I wasn’t gone pressure her either, so I just laughed and stopped playing with her ass.

“Jay you got me wetter than an ocean right now.” She huffed, going to the bathroom that was in her room.

“Come drown me then.” I winked at her she smirked, which turned into us busting up into a fit of laughter.

“Real shit Jasmine.. you need to get into voice acting.” I said as our laughter died down. I swear she was gone thank me once she realized it’s what she should’ve been doing a long time ago.

“Jay, you gone ruin my b-“

“Nah Jas, foreal. You stay complaining bout ya job. Go do something you love.” She sat down next to me and sighed.

“I just... I don’t know where to start Jaylen.”

“Start taking classes whenever you don’t have to work and go from there, ma. I promise the shit gone be worth it. Believe in yourself and God.” I suggested. She looked over at me, taking in what I had just said.

“Yo, ain’t nobody ever believed in me the way that you do.” She said

“Cause you got a gift, Jas. Ain’t nobody believe in me either, now I got muhfuckas paying millions for my shit.”

Growing up, nobody cared that I could draw. They’d always tell me that it wouldn’t get me any where and to stick with hooping. Except my mom and pops, but that’s about it. I obviously ain’t listen to they ass though.

“That’s great, you really just inspired me. I’m gonna do some research tomorrow morning. Thank you.”

“No problem.” I spoke, as my eyes scanned around the pictures in her room. I stopped atone family picture when I seen a picture of a fine ass woman.

“She bad.”

“My crackhead ass mom? Eh.”

“Crackhead? Yikes, why you gotta put her business out there.” I was laughing because she said it so nonchalantly.

“I hate that bitch.” She rolled her eyes, quickly taking the family picture down. Well then...

“Who that jawn? Since we being nosey?” She questioned, pointing towards towards the gold locket I had on my neck of me and Rob. She gave it to me months ago, and honestly.. I got so used to never taking it off, that I forgot I still had it. I twirled it around with my fingers, before taking it off and tossing it out of her window that was open. No doubt Robyn and I was done. Our last convo gave me the confirmation.

*Flashback*

There were a million emotions running through my body right now, that I️ couldn’t even describe what I️ was feeling. Shit was like Deja vu all over again.

She sighed heavily, putting her head in her hands. “Can we talk?” She didn’t say anything but that wasn’t gone stop me. She was gone hear whatever I had to say.

“Why?” Was all I️ asked as she looked up at me with no words.

“I️ didn’t mean for this to happen, Jaylen.” I️ tried my absolute best not to spazz or strangle her. I️ was beyond pissed, my nigga. That fucking rehab shit paid off, because I️ would’ve been got disrespectful.

“Why was you fucking that nigga, anyways? Now you just an easy piece of pussy, huh?” I️ sat down on the edge of her tub. Robyn was irresponsible and clueless as shit, but getting pregnant by a nigga she only knew for a short period of time wasn’t her. I hope she don’t think I don’t know about her getting pregnant by King Kong either.

Just thinking about her letting another nigga get up in what’s mines broke my heart. I just can’t believe she let him get her pregnant.

“Excuse me? And the same exact reason you went and fucked kayla.” I️ sighed, rolling my eyes because she was forever bringing up old shit. Here I️ am trying to change. She the type of person to bring up some shit that happened when you a kid.

“I’m over that shit, dude ion even talk to her ass no more. She engaged, wit a baby and ion’ want them problems. You always so stuck on me fucking up that you don’t even know how to admit when you wrong, too.”

“I’m wrong for trying to move on?” She scrunched up her face.

“Nah you fucking wrong because you seen me trying to turn my life around for you yet you still go and fuck this nigga. Raw at that. You foul bro. Yea, I did my dirt and I know I was wrong for fucking Kayla, but she’s outta my life completely now. I cut her off for you. I went to rehab for you. I quit smoking and drinking for you. Did all this shit for you, and you wanna sit up here and act like shit all sweet? I’m fucking hurt, Robyn. That was supposed be my baby that you having.”

She remained quiet, with her head in her hands because she knew I was right.

“Jaylen, from day one when I met you, you were fucking rude and a jerk. I thought that maybe you’d change but you didn’t. That attitude that you had is the attitude that pushed me away. Don’t sit up here and act like you weren’t the one that kissed another woman, either. That’s the whole reason we’re not together.”

By now, I was fed up by her bringing up old shit.

“No the reason why we ain’t together right now is because you don’t know how to fucking move past shit and you insecure as fuck. I’m damn near begging you, and ya ass won’t even consider hearing me out. Fuck you Robyn.”

*Flashback Over*

“Just an old bih I used to deal with. Nobody important.” I smiled, as she shook her head followed by laughter.

As she started doing lord knows what, my mind went off into a place that I didn’t want it to be in. That’s because a nigga only smoked one baby ass blunt and had half the bottle of Henny. If not, shit my mind would be on fucking Mars.

Trying to snap outta my thoughts, I put my focus on Jas’s dancing in the mirror. I was admiring that shit until I heard what she was dancing to.

“Think I got him covered for the weekend..” she grinded against her chair.

“Stop singing that thot ass song.” I mugged her as she continued to sing it, slightly making me mad.

Once she seen my face, she cut the music off, smiling. “Aww Jay, I’m sorry.” She apologized, straddling my lap. I shook my head no, ignoring her apology.

“Come on, I said sorry.” She poked her bottom lip out. Looking up at her, our eyes met with each other’s and locked. Before anything else could be said, her lips crashed into mines. My hands found their way to her ass.

She was gone give me blue balls, we been kissing all night and she was killing me with this teasing shit.

**

Jas was literally passed out on her bed, so I took that as my queue to leave. It was bout 3 in the morning and I had to be up by 7. I’ll make sure to text her in the morning.

Getting my shit, I made my way outside to my car so that I could go home. Since it wasn’t traffic at all, I got home within 15 minutes.

As soon as I got in, I spotted my dad sitting on the couch watching Power. “Nigga these bootycall hours, where you been?” He questioned as he paused the TV. How this nigga gone question me in my own crib?

“Nah not even pops, I was chillin’ wit a friend. Is Jayla in my bed?”

“Yea why?”

“Ima sleep in the guest room cause I’m high as fuck.”

“Nigga when ain’t you?” I chuckled, waving him off as I started to make my way towards the guests room. Pops ain’t like the fact that I smoked, but he was just gone have to deal with it. I used to smoke bout 3 or 4 blunts everyday before I went and got help. Now I only smoke 1 like three times a week. I don’t drink anymore. I only did it earlier, because it’s a new fucking year. That’s progress.

Kicking my slides off, I stripped out of my sweats and t-shirt before plopping down in the bed. Swear I drifted off to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

[charactercritiquecentral-blog]

Definitely Not Mod Sky

Nah this is,, this is definitely not Mod Sky wanting a review now that Mod Smiley had one done lmao. But honestly be plain with me guys. I need genuine reviews!!

So here, have my bab to look at. I’ll try to include as much detail as possible. Mod Tan and Mod Thunder, you’ve prob been there for the creation of this nerd; Mod Smiley, you might know him? Idk if I’ve mentioned him much. Anyways, here goes.

ALSO:: CW for depression, PTSD, trauma, self-harm and alcohol abuse.

Ignore my awful art ;v;

–

Birth Name: Joseph Nash ((Not used much))

Aliases:Sabre, Sab ((Usually goes by these, partially for anonymity, partially because it makes him more comfortable))

Age:Somewhere in his mid thirties

Gender:Cis male

Orientation:Demiromantic Heterosexual

Star Sign:Taurus

Occupation: Freelance Technician/Engineer

Injuries and issues: [Physical] - Burn scar on right side of face. Hearing and seeing difficulties on that side - caused by a bad chemical reaction in the past - sometimes wears a hearing aid and/or glasses when it’s a bad day. Mostly old self-harm scars across arms and inner thighs. Mild asthma. [Mental] - Severe depression, PTSD and anxiety. Insomnia and night terrors. In therapy and on pills for all of this. Prone to flashbacks and panic attacks.

Personality:  Despite his appearance, Sab’s usually quite a shy person when you first meet him, in part due to his scars. Although he enjoys being around people, he’s usually found on the sidelines unless somebody directly approaches him. Sometimes his unwillingness to communicate makes him miss out on opportunities and friendships, although he can be drawn out of his shell. He takes a while to trust and is bad with judging from first impressions; he’s wary of people in general despite having a fear of being alone. 

However, he’s fairly down-to-earth once he gets to know you. He’s well-meaning and a hard worker; he copes by keeping himself busy and can usually be found fiddling with things to take his mind off his worries. He has a bad habit of dismantling things that are left in reach. Although he tends to have a rocky exterior, he genuinely means well and he’s quite a sensitive soul. He’s also a hopeless romantic, which honestly, he’s fine with people knowing.

Sab’s mental health means that he can tend to be quite jumpy and paranoid, though. Once you do him wrong, he’ll likely avoid you altogether. It’s easy for him to push the people he loves away because he’s got it in his head that they’re mad at him or dislike him. On the other hand, he can be excessively rude towards those that he feels threatened by and has a habit of pushing arguments too far. He’s a pessimist at heart, although he’s trying his best to stay positive. He’s getting better about being open with his feelings, although he still sometimes falls prey to self-harm and excessive drinking when things get really bad. Unfortunately, Sab’s a lot harsher on himself than he is to others, which means he’s more likely to take his anger out on himself in destructive ways.

Backstory in a nutshell: Sab grew up on the outskirts of Arizona, in what I suppose could be called a New Age scientific cult. Most of it was underground and enclosed; families lived there, had their children there, got married there, the lot. And so, Sab was born into this life as Joseph Nash. It was based on human experimentation, of course, as pushing the limits of the human body would be interesting to anybody - but most of the experiments there were people that had volunteered. On one hand, this was easier, and said people got honored as martyrs for the cause. On the other, it meant family and friends would often give their lives for science. Like the others, Sab was trained in science and technology, biology, maths and basic literature skills. He was treated well, as were they all. Most of them considered the others to be a kind of extended family. Being trainees and apprentices, Sab and others his age never really got to be involved in the whole experimentation part of it, and mostly worked on maintenance and engineering - and the odd “disposal”. Luckily for him, he never got to earn his wings; as with most unethical practices, it was found, shut down, and the higher-ups were arrested. Since most of the younger generation hadn’t actually committed any crimes, they were instead put into rehabilitation and then therapy.

Of course, once Sab realized the gravity of what had been happening there, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He suffers with guilt and self-loathing a lot, even now; that was to be expected. He cut contact with everything from his past in a bout of fear and moved so that he didn’t have to face the things he’d done; for a while, he relied on alcohol and hookups to try to fill some kind of void until he ended up going back into therapy. Now he’s on pills and mostly stable, though issues still remain. But the outside world is doing him good and, slowly, he’s finally living the life that he missed out on for thirty years. 

Trivia:

* He’s a huge fan of chick flicks and romances. He’s fine with this.

* He usually ends up blasting heavy metal or rock to drown out his thoughts, although when he’s happier he tends to go for pop. Music is important to him since it lets him calm down without lashing out at himself.

* He’s slightly awful at spelling and writing due to never really having that much of an education in it. On the other hand, though, he’s a whiz at maths and very good with machinery.

* Sabre was a name given to him by friends back in the facility. They tended to call each other by nicknames, simply because it made them feel like they were connecting with one another. A lot of them went for weapons, machine parts or colours, since that was what they knew best.

* Sab loves the natural world. Adores it. He’ll spend hours sitting outside, walking, hiking; rain or shine. Being out in nature is where he really feels safe.

* He’s quite a large guy. Not height-wise, but weight-wise. Due to hefting heavy machinery around in the past, he’s got quite a lot of muscle; however, because his coping mechanisms include binge-eating and binge-drinking, he’s also gained quite a lot of weight. Character Submitted by the amazing Mod Sky!  I really like Sab, he sounds very normal. He has a normal appearance, nothing weird about being short, having scars and being larger. I am happy to get weight representation here! I, personally get aggy when too many of my characters have the same body types! Humans aren’t all hourglasses so kudos to you for doing this!  The backstory in reference to Sab’s mental health and conduct is so sad! It is also really authentic and relatable, the idea of insecurities due to factors out of our control tends to be heartbreaking on its own, let alone when it influences introversion on such a level as Sab’s does! My heart goes out to him!  His backstory makes him unique, to say the least, but it seems very... out there, with him being born into a New Age Scientific Cult... Not that that’s a problem! It happens to people, and I’m glad that you have demonstrated that he hasn’t come out of this situation completely unfazed. The ways in which he deals with the trauma he underwent all appear to be reasonable, all things considered! You have handled an outlandish and odd home life and the consequences really well from what you have said here! And hey, characters can’t all have backstories of sunshine and rainbows!  I love the trivia you have provided us with, the juxtaposition between Sab’s job and his love for nature is refreshing and realistic! It’s great!  I have seen Sab in action, and although this may have made me biased, I really do like this character!  Thank you for your submission!  ~Mod Smiley

[youngerdrgrey]

"Would it hurt you to tell me exactly where we're going?"...

anon, I hope you like The Good Place because that’s where this prompt took me.

or, the time Eleanor comes to a different conclusion to much of the same results. // spoilers for the end of s1 at least + read on ao3

Chidi huffs. “Would it hurt you to tell me exactly where we’re going?”

“Yeah, pretty sure it would.” Eleanor yanks him after her again. This is what happens every time she slows down. He starts asking more questions, as if he doesn't ask enough already. Do all philosophy professors talk this much, or did she just find the most verbose one in the universe?

“Eleanor!” Chidi huffs again. “Are you even listening?"

“Not really!” She drags him around another corner and towards the giant river. There’s exactly one boat tied to the dock, and she might not know how to row, but neither does anyone else here.

“I asked, how could it hurt you to tell me?”

“Words have never hurt you, nerd?”

He rolls his eyes. “That hurt me.” Then he rolls his head on his neck. “Which, okay, that clearly proves your point. I—Eleanor, I need to get back before anything else happens to Aggie.”

“God, what kind of name is that anyway?” Eleanor drops Chidi’s wrist long enough to untie the boat from the dock. “Aggie? It sounds like something you hack up. Or somebody you’d go full Carrie on at prom.” Then she settles into the boat herself even as it rocks. “Not that I’d go to prom, but you know, it fits.”

Chidi shakes his head. “Eleanor, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go on adventures with you. My soulmate needs me.”

“Yeah, well, she’s not the only one. You ready for this?” Eleanor stands back up, full height, which isn't much since he's on the dock and she's in the boat. Has she always been this short? It’s not cool, but it does tap into her love for height differences. He’s actually kind of cute from this angle. Focus. “Aggie’s not the only one who doesn’t belong here. None of us do. This whole neighborhood’s one colossal fork up on Michael’s part.”

“I—wha—that—no.” Chidi takes a step back. Eleanor reaches for him, and he swats at her hand. “Architects don’t make mistakes, Eleanor.”

She stalks forward on the boat. “I heard you and Aggie talking. She said that she wasn’t supposed to be here, and I’m not either. I’m not the good person they think I am.”

He groans! He scream-groans. “Stop lying! I don’t know why you would do this. You insist on—on torturing me like this. So, what happened? You overheard Aggie confess to me, and you figured that it’d be fun to mess with me too?”

“Whoa, Cheedster.”

“That’s not my name!”

“Chidi! Sorry.” She should probably get back out of the boat, but every time she moves, it drifts a little, and she can’t risk face-planting on the dock only to get swatted away again . “I’m not playing around. The first night we were here, I called you a burnt cheeto — rude, I know, hate me later — and the next day, it rained burnt cheetos. I’m a plague on this town. And Michael’s a new architect. I think he forked up the formula, and I don’t want to correct him. I don’t want to go back to being a shirty person with no prospects.”

Chidi still looks mildly constipated in his anger, but at least he asks, “What do you want to be then?”

She shrugs. Her neck gets itchy whenever she tries to be sincere. It’s like she’s allergic to real emotions. But real emotions seem to be the main way to get through to him. It’s so gross. So much for a man of science, or whatever.

“I don’t know. I want to be better, I guess, and something tells me that you’re the only one who could get me to be that way.” She has to scratch her neck. And her arm. And behind her ears. “Look, could you get in the boat? Please?”

He mulls it over with a few hundred glances behind him and back to her. His internal monologue’s probably still calling her a liar, but if she were a liar, why would she do all of this? Why would she intentionally mess with him? She’s new to the neighborhood too. Plus, she's been involved in every malfunction in the good place since they got to town. The only thing she didn’t cause was whatever Aggie claimed to be responsible for. And out of everybody in the town, Aggie and Nicole included, Eleanor's one of the only people who feels real here. Kind of like how he’s one of the only people who feels real to her.

Ew, even that fake monologue makes her itchy.

She bounces in the boat. “Come on, dude, I already said the best part of my speech.” She bounces again. Then, some current kicks in fromabsolutely nowhere, so her next bounce detaches her from the dock completely . “Whoa!” She stumbles back.

“Eleanor!”

Chidi jumps to grab her, and she snags his hands and yanks him the rest of the way onto the boat with her. Either she’s superwoman, or he’s heavier than she expected, because they fall right onto the bottom of the boat.

He is a little heavier. He is a compact, little nerd, just muscle and mind power and nothing else. Soft skin actually, he’s got that, and warm eyes when he isn’t glaring at her. His smile’s kind of crooked in a cute way that makes her want to cover his mouth with her mouth, and, holy fork, is she into him?

She’s not not into him, especially when he lifts himself up on his arm strength alone so he lifts his weight off of her. Their eyes lock, and their breathing seems to stop at the same time. She whispers his name like a forking Nicholas Sparks girl.

“Chidi?”

Then this guy — this dude who spent a solid twenty minutes debating which side of the two line pizza parlor to go to — swoops down and lays one on her . Like it’s nothing! Like it’s totally reasonable for him to make one decision since he got here and use it to kiss her in the bottom of this boat.

He jumps back, of course. Reels away with the widest eyes she’s ever seen that kind of look like giant moons on his face. The jumping makes him less coordinated, so he falls on her again. Her back slams into the wood of the boat. His head crashes into hers. It’s a clusterfork, and all she can think of is kissing him again.

“Eleanor, I am so sorry.” He tries rolling off of her. Scrambling really .

She lets him get up enough that they can both sit there. “I’m not. If anything, you proved my point. Michael messed up. And maybe , maybe you’re not even supposed to be with Aggie.” She shouldn’t have said that part.

“You shouldn’t say that.”

“See! That’s exactly what I thought. Dude, we are so in sync!” She scrambles up, which puts her knees on the outside of his. She could be straddling this dude in a second if it wouldn’t give him an aneurism. “What if the mistake isn’t only that I’m here? What if you and me —“ is it weird that she takes his incredibly soft hands in hers? He stares at her like it’s weird, and at least a little bit like he’s gonna puke. “What if we're the ones who are supposed to be soulmates?”

He is definitely gonna puke. “Oh, no."

“That’s all you got?” No sweeping declaration on his side?

“Oh, God.”

“Alright. Two word sentences. Can I buy a vowel?”

He blinks. “I—how would a vowel help?”

“It broke the cycle, didn’t it?” She smiles at him. “I’m not saying we have to figure everything out now. I just want you to know that Aggie’s not the only one who needs you here, Chidi. I think I need you too.” He gulps, which isn’t the weirdest part of that. Eleanor confessed to wanting another person actively involved in her life, and she’s still smiling . “I’m not itchy! Take that, words!"

Maybe they don’t hurt, after all. At least, they don’t hurt her. Chidi, though, he still might vomit over the side of the boat. Eh, you win some, you lose some.

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