#someone suggested getting them into a medical kink. brother how do i do that

[forgondor]

Get your slut friend a box of nitrile gloves and some hydrocortizone cream

Y'all 😭😭 Stop coming for them they've been considering using gloves this is a process give them time

[yootaesowlwrites]

Stableman - Kim Taehyung

Banner: Pictures & Gifs belong to their rightful owners, the banner was made by me.

Requested By: -

Request: -

A/N: This is the first time I’ve tried to write a slow burn fic/imagine, I’ll admit, it wasn’t the easiest things to do, it took me weeks/months to do, find the right balance, but I’m hoping I didn’t do too bad, but it’s trying that counts! I started working on this in January, researching about how to do a slow burn, in the end, I followed my gut, BUT I am also sorry it took so long for me to finish it, but It’s here. AND YES, the goat and doggies have names!

I once again tried my best here with 2nd POV, and hopefully it doesn’t look too bad.

Happy Birthday @taeandpuppies​ !!! IF anyone wants to make the day unpleasant, let me know, I’ll use my big hammer on them.

Tropes: Strangers To Lovers, Boss/Employee, Stableman!Taehyung AU.

Warnings: Slow burn?, mutual pining?, fluff, smut, mention of medication, descriptive sex scenes, sex in a stable, nudism, protected sex (ALWAYS be protected), nudism, fingering, oral (male receiving), cum tasting, explicit language, size kink?, praising?, dirty talking, begging if you squint, slight aftercare, the tiniest bit of angst if you squint hard enough, soft sex in the meadow, unprotected sex, clit stimulation, Cowgirl position, Missionary position, Lotus position.

Age warnings: No one will listen to this, but it’s here, I will not take responsibility because you wanted to read this, but if you’re under the age of 18+, DO NOT INTERACT OR READ. Even though you will ignore this warning and still read it, so do not take this as educational, this is fiction!

W/C: 26.4K (THE LONGEST I HAVE EVER MADE AND I FEEL PROUD OF THIS NUMBER)

“I don’t need any help on my farm, I’m completely fine on my own.” You say to your brother over the phone, it was on speakerphone while you were moving between the closest and your suitcase, packing for a six-day business trip, you had asked him if he could keep an eye on your farm while you would be away, but you should have known that he would bring up the subject of getting some help on the farm again, something you were not keen about.

You had been managing without any help for years, well… maybe you did have some help, but it was mostly from willing family members or friends, not a full-time worker that would be living with you on the farm and help you take care of all of your beloved animals, you hadn’t even thought about getting one, but each time you had to leave for a business trip, you would mostly ask your brother for some help and each time you ask him, he would then bring it up.

“I don’t need anyone, I’ve been coping well on my own, and besides, it’s not like I’m away for weeks or each month.” You say while folding a shirt, you attended certain meetings every few months to learn and hear about new products on the market and if they could be useful on the farm, and during those trips, you would usually rely on your brother to keep an eye on things, and each time you asked, he would mention getting help, ‘doesn’t he want to be a helpful brother?’ You thought to yourself.

“But it would be easier if you did have a helping hand on the farm.” He says, you let out a sigh as you put the shirt you were folding into the suitcase.

“I am fine on my own.” You say. “Besides, where am I supposed to find the time to look for somebody that would be up for the task and would do a proper job instead of slacking off, oh and not to mention, someone trustworthy.” You pick your phone up from where it laid on the bed next to your suitcase. “Will you keep an eye on things here or should I ask someone else?” You were becoming impatient with him and his repeated question.

“No, no, I’ll keep an eye on things, don’t worry.” He quickly says. “You can count on me to keep an eye on things.”

“Thank you.” You say. “I’ll see you tonight when you come and pick me up.” You waited for him to argue, he would usually argue against it at first, but then agree to take you to the airport.

“See you then, bye.” He says, this surprised you, you had prepared yourself for the argument.

“Okay… bye.” You say as you end the call, you drop your phone back onto the bed before slowly continuing to pack. “What is he…” You trail off as you think for a moment. “He wouldn’t… I wonder if something’s wrong.” You shake your head. “No… he would say something.” You pause in your spot. “And who does he think he is suggesting getting help, he’s lost it if he thinks I’m going to get help!” You look at your dogs lying on your bed near the pillows. “What’s wrong with him?” They only responded with a wag of their tails.

That was seven days ago, you now stood next to your brother, [Y/b/n], staring at the man across from you, his dark brown eyes stared back at you, his dark hair was slightly damp and covered his forehead as the sunlight shone down on it, his honey toned skin was coated with a barely noticeable layer of sweat along with dirt from the stables, you were certain that you had told your brother that you didn’t need any help, yet, here stood a stranger in front of you, and he had clearly been working on your farm for a few days now, you slowly turn your head to look up at your brother’s taller form, several questions ran through your mind, your eyes displayed the number of questions you wanted to ask him, but you didn’t want to do it in front of the man your brother had obviously hired without your permission, and without consulting you first, not that you would have agreed if he did, you turn your gaze back to the man standing across from you.

“[Y/n], this is Kim Taehyung, he will be helping you around the farm.” Your brother says with a proud smile as if he had something to feel proud about after what he had done, your eyes flicker towards your brother momentarily before you turned your full focus to the man named Taehyung, a string of curse words ran through your mind, and you would definitely say them out loud later when you would be alone with your brother, ‘how could he do this to me?!’  You thought, your eyes slowly move over Taehyung, taking in his features, his length, divinity he seemed unreal, it was hard to explain how beautiful he looked. “Oh, and don’t worry, I looked at his qualifications, and he’s more than qualified for the job, and he adores horses also.” You wanted to grab your brother by his neck and strangle him right then and there, it took a lot of restrain for you not to do it, there would be a time and a place for that later, right now, you needed to focus on the stranger that would be working with you on your farm, Taehyung extends his arm and holds his hand out for you to shake.

“It will be a pleasure working for you and with you,” Taehyung says, your knees felt like they wanted to buckle underneath you, his voice was deep yet smooth when he spoke, you take hold of his hand, trying your best to hide the effects his voice had on you, your eyes move down to his hand as you take hold of it and notices how well they were built, or sculpted, they must have been sculpted by the Greek gods, he bows his head as you shake hands. “What should I call you?”

“Ah, you—“ Your brother begins to say only for you to quickly cut him off before he could finish his sentence, he had done enough, and you could speak for yourself from now on.

“You can call me by my name.” You say, your brother looks at you with his mouth still agape. “[Y/n].” Taehyung nods his head as a smile grows on his lips, ‘Dear goddesses… how do you want me to survive?’

“Well, [Y/n], you can call me Tae or Taehyung.” He says, you nod your head as your lips slightly part.

“Okay.” Your brother says loudly and claps his hands together making you and Taehyung look at him and release each other’s hands. “Then this is settled, I’ll see you when I see you.” He quickly flees towards his car, you look at him wide-eyed before running after him. “I’ll call you later!” He reaches for his car and opens the door.

“You absolute— How could you do this?!” You ask as you watch him quickly climb into his car. “I told you, over and over again!” He closes the door and rolls down the window after starting the engine.

“I know, I know, but you need help!” He says. “You have to admit that you need help, you can’t try and do this on your own, even if it’s just one other person that can help you.” You place your palms against the car door and look at him through the window. “This is a good thing, you can come and go as you please, you can trust him.” Your glare hardens at his words. “Trust me then, you know you need help, you’re just too stubborn to admit it right now.” You let out a sigh.

“One month, [Y/b/n].” You sigh out. “One month only and if I’m not satisfied with his work, you are going to come down here and tell him that it’s not working out, got it?” He nods his head as his smile widens.

“You’ll see, you won’t regret it, you only need one month to see how much easier things will be.” He says. “You’ll see how much easier it will be with help.” You take a step away from the car. “Oh, and he’s staying in that small cottage.” Your eyes slightly widen, the cottage hadn’t been used since Christmas, it was only used when your family came to visit for the holidays and sometimes the main house became too crowded, so you had built a cottage to escape to when things became too much in the house, and now Taehyung was staying in it, not that, that was the problem, the problem was that the cottage was located close to the main house, and you could look straight into the kitchen if the curtains were left open, you would have to be extra cautious from now on and make sure that they were closed, to prevent any kind of accidents. “I’ll call you later, bye.” Before you could say anything else, he drove off.

“I can’t believe him…” You mutter to yourself as you watch his car disappear into the distance, you bring your hand to your forehead and rub your temple as you take in a deep breath, you drop your hand to your side and shake your head as you turn around and make your way to the stable, you hadn’t seen your horses in almost seven days, and you needed to make sure that they were all still in good shape and doing well, as you enter the stables you spot Taehyung brushing one of the horses, your eyes immediately move to his arm muscles as they flex with each brush along the horse’s side.

“It seems like your brother didn’t tell you about hiring me.” He says once he spots you standing by the stable entrance, your eyes move away from his arm and settles on his face, ‘oh… his face…’ You thought. “You looked stunned when you saw me.” You harshly exhale through your nose before moving towards him and the horse he was tending to.

“I’ll admit, it was definitely a surprise when I saw you.” You say. “My brother has a tendency to ignore what I tell him.” He softly smiles at you, a smile that could melt anyone’s heart. “But it wasn’t a bad surprise entirely.” His smile slightly widens before he turns his head away from you, you stop in front of the horse and lifts your hand up to its forehead and begins stroking it.

“I hope I can provide some help to you.” He says as he turns to look at you again. “Help care for them.” You gently stroke along the horses face before moving your hand to its neck, your eyes meet Taehyung’s. “You have some beautiful horses, all of them— even the ponies— look so beautiful and strong.” You gently smile at him, at the compliments about your animals. “I look forward to helping you with them, they’re such magnificent creatures.”

“They really are magnificent.” You say with a big smile on your lips, just hearing how he thought and spoke about horses confirmed that he liked them and would at least help you care for them. “How long have you been working with horses?” You step away from the horse and move towards one of the stalls to greet another horse.

“A little over six years now.” He says. “But this is my first job since I decided to learn more about them.” You nod your head while listening to him intently. “I always loved and adored horses, so I always knew that I’d end up working with them in some kind of way.” You move towards another stall that had a pony inside. “How long have you been working with them?” You smile as you begin to rake through your brain, trying to remember when you had started working with them.

“It’s been years, I’ve lost track of how long it’s been, but it’s been over a decade.” You answer. “I’ve lived here since I was a child and took over about ten, eleven years ago, and then about five years ago I was the only one that stayed on the farm.” He nods his head as he stops brushing the horse. “We’ve always worked with horses, but two years ago I decided to get some ponies also.” His smile widens as the seconds pass, just hearing the passion in your voice, how passionate you are about your farm. “People bring their horses here if they can no longer care for them, or if they need help training them, or to buy one.” He puts the brush down and guides the horse back into its stall. “I don’t easily sell them, but if I do sell, I usually make sure that they will be going to a good and proper home, where they will be cared for.”


“Proper homes are hard to find.” He says. “So thank the gods for people like you that still care about the animal’s wellbeing.” You gently smile at him, at his words, before you could say or add anything else, your dogs along with a Pomeranian ran into the stables and towards you, you bend down and pat their heads as they wag their tails at you.

“Hey guys, I missed you too.” You say in a soft tone, you glance at the Pomeranian as he stood by Taehyung’s feet before running towards you, you reach out and allow him to sniff your hand before gently patting his head as well.

“Oh, that’s my boy, Yeontan, but I call him Tan.” He says, you nod your head and glance up at him.

“He’s really fluffy and soft.” You say before standing upright. “I see that they’re getting along also, so that’s good then.” You look between the dogs, watching them sniff each other’s butts. “And by that I mean, it’s good that they became friends so quickly.” He nods his head, smiling while looking at his dog.

“I was a little worried at first, but it seems like they don’t really mind being in each other’s company.” He says, you nod your head and watch them as they begin sniffing around the stables.

“As long as they’re getting along then I absolutely don’t mind the cute little guy.” You say before your mind trails to your sunshine probably waiting for you. “Speaking of cute.” You mutter to yourself. “I should go greet that sunshine.” You begin making your way out of the stables before stopping and turning around to look at Taehyung, he pulls the door of the stall close and locks it. “Have you met the life of the farm yet?” Taehyung’s brows furrow as he looks at you confused.

“That depends on who that would be.” He says, you nod your head to your side, signalling for him to follow you, he quickly follows you out of the stable. “Sunshine and life of the farm?”

“Yes.” You say. “His real name isn’t sunshine, it’s waffles, but I like calling him sunshine because he’s just a bundle of sunshine and joy.” The three dogs run out ahead of you, knowing where you were going. “Where are you from, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Daegu, but when I was a small child we moved to Geochang where I spent most of my life and time growing up and learning about those beautiful free-spirited animals.” He says. “The first thing I learned was how stubborn they can be.” You nod your head with a slight chuckle, it was true, they could be stubborn as hell when they wanted to be. “I don’t exactly remember how old I was, but horses seem to be my earliest memory from my childhood.” You couldn’t help but giggle a little.

“You don’t have to remember every detail.” You say. “I’m not trying to figure how you were born, but it’s nice to know that you were surrounded by them, it means you’re probably attached to them just like I am, it also means that you learned a lot more than any school could ever teach you because you had first-hand experience.” He nods his head as a boxy smile appears on his face, you could feel your heart melting at the sight of that smile, you could tell he felt a bit shy. “But if you remember anything that you want to share, I’d love to hear about it.” And you meant it, if you were going to get to allow him to work on your farm, you had to get to know each other and be comfortable with each other and in each other’s presence.

“I’ll gladly tell you more one day when we have more time.” He says, a pen with a small brick building came into sight, you had built it for waffles for the colder nights and the wet days, you always felt so bad if it rained or snowed, and he was outside in it while you along with Terry and Pizzie were in the comfort of your warm dry house. “Wait… is that a…?” He begins as he spots Waffles, you nod your head with a proud smile on your lips, the three dogs had run around the pen and had caught Waffles’s attention.

“Yes, that’s my other little baby boy.” You say, you bring your hands together clapping them together which caused Waffles to look towards the gate where you and Taehyung now stood and waited for him, Waffles runs towards the gate while letting out a loud ‘maaa’. “You miss me when I don’t come to visit you for a few days but ignore me when I’m here every day.” Taehyung watches you as you interact with the small energetic animal, rubbing his head and patting his back. “Do you want to pet him?”

“Can I?” He asks, unsure if he was allowed to touch Waffles or not, you nod your head causing some strands of hair to fall in front of your eyes.

“Of course, he loves attention.” You say, he smiles and reaches over the gate and gently slides his hand along Waffles’s fur, you watch as his hand gently pats down the hair while you stroke Waffles’s head. “I can see why you call him sunshine and Waffles, he looks like a bundle of brightness.” Waffles walks away from the gate and begin sniffing around before a burst of energy caused him to jump around. “Oh, definitely a bundle of sunshine right there.” You watch as he stares at Waffles with adoration in his eyes, you could practically see his eyes lighting up. “He’s got a nice spacious home also.”

“He has a lot of energy, so he needs tons of space to run, hop and play around, that’s why he has a playground also.” You say and point to the large play-set on the other side of the pen. “I should go check up on his food.”

“Ah, I should get back to the horses.” He says. “Thank you for introducing me to Waffles.”

“If you’re going to be working here, you should at least know everyone on this farm.” You say making him softly chuckle and smile, his lips once again forming that boxy smile from earlier, you practically feel your heart skipping a beat seeing it again. “I will see you either tomorrow or later.”

“Have a good day and night, [Y/n].” He says before turning around and making his way back to the stable, you open the gate and step inside and turns around to close it, you look up as you lock it to be sure Waffles doesn’t escape and saw a gentle breeze blowing Taehyung’s hair to the side, you watch as he lifts his hand and pushes them out of the way, dishevelling it as he runs his hand through them, you shake your head and turn away.

“No, no…” You mumble to yourself. “He works for you… you are his boss, it can’t…” You make your way to the tiny brick building and step inside you, you had the feeder inside the building to avoid needing to throw away food when it rained and snowed, you see that it was halfway and made a mental note to return tomorrow with food to fill it, you step out of the small building and made your way back to the gate to leave, your mind continued to wander back to Taehyung, the way his dark eyes would light up, how his muscles flexed underneath his button-up shirt when he would brush a horse or pet Waffles, his smile… the different types of smile you had already seen today, the gentle soft smile and then the cute box-like smile, and then his sweat-covered honey skin. “Snap out of it!” You exit the pen and lock the gate before making your way to your house, you had an entire list of things to write down that you had to do and get and have delivered to the farm, but as you sat in your home-office trying to focus on your work, keyword, trying, but your mind kept drifting off to the honeyed skin dark-eyed beauty inside your stable working with your horses, and now living with you on your farm.

“Dammit, why did he think I needed help!?” You suddenly say and kick a box filled with papers, you toss your pencil onto the table. “And why him?” You look out the window. “Him of all people?” Your eyes catch a glimpse of the man that was invading your thoughts and distracting you from your work. “He’s so good-looking…” You look away from the window and grab your phone. “That’s it, [Y/b/n] is gonna get a piece of my mind!”

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You look at yourself in the mirror as you remember that you were no longer alone on your farm anymore, it would be the first morning that you would be greeting Taehyung, which made you wonder, was he already awake? Was he already in the stables? You move away from your bathroom mirror and exit the bathroom and pick up your jacket, you slip into it as you make your way to the front door, you open the door allowing Terry and Pizzie to run out ahead before you stepped outside and made your way to the stable, you stop in your tracks when you see Taehyung already there brushing one of the ponies, you clear your throat, mentally preparing yourself for the day.

“Good morning.” You greet him as you make your way to one of the stalls and opened the door, you step inside and lead the horse out of it.

“Good morning, [Y/n].” He greets you with a smile on his lips, you glance in his direction and return the smile, he had such a sweet smile, one that you could just stare at all day, it was one captivating smile, and you almost felt blessed just being able to see it in person.

“Did you manage to sleep well?” You ask as you guide the horse towards a wide space to brush him.

“Oh, yes, yes, I slept good, thank you for asking, how about you, did you sleep well?” He asks, you nod your head as you pick up a brush.

“I did, thank you for asking.” You say and glance at the pony he was brushing. “Have you ever rode a horse before?” You begin brushing along the horse’s hair while glancing between the horse and Taehyung, waiting for his answer.

“Only a few times, not a much, or at all in recent years.” He says, you nod your head and put the brush down, deciding that you wanted to see him ride.

“Do you want to go for a ride?” You ask, you would finish brushing the horse later if he agreed to go on a ride.

“Can we?” He asked as his face lights up like a kid’s on Christmas Eve that got the toy he wished for, you nod your head and walk towards a small shed that was inside the tables, you open the door and step inside.

“Come and get yourself a saddle and bridle!” You call out while picking up a saddle and placed a bridle on top of the saddle, he puts the brush down and walks towards the small shed, he enters it as you exit it and picks out a saddle and bridle to use, he exits the small shed carrying the needed equipment, you lead the pony back into its stall and open another stall. “Take him.” He puts the equipment down and went to the stall, he leads the horse out and towards him the equipment and begins preparing the horse, it took only a couple of minutes to prepare the two horses and lead them out of the stable, you watch as he climbed onto the horse. “Did you learn on your own or did someone teach you?” You had to ask after seeing how his feet were positioned.

“Someone taught me.” He says as he shifts his weight to the centre, you guide your horse to a tree and tie the reins around a branch. “Why, what's wrong?” He watched as you approached him with a frown on your face.

“Your feet are positioned wrong, you’re going to get injured like this.” You say as you place your hand around his ankle, you take your other hand and place it on underneath his shoe and lifts the front of his foot up. “Your heels need to be down to avoid injury.” You release his ankle and look up at him.

“Oh…” He quietly says before pushing his heel down on his other foot. “I uh, I didn’t know that they didn’t teach me that when I was learning.”

“Who taught you?” You ask, your face almost emotionless, but inside you were boiling, how could a trainer not teach this to anyone? How irresponsible were they? “Because it’s one of the most important things you have to know, along with keeping your shoulders back, and arms in a soft bent position when you hold the reins.”

“Uh, I can’t remember who taught me.” He says. “But I’m starting to think that I should have met you sooner, you would have taught me properly.” He gently smiles down at you. “Anything else I should be aware of?” You softly smile up at him.

“We’ll go now, slowly, I’ll evaluate you as we’re riding, and I’ll let you know if there’s something else.” You say. “I wouldn’t want you to get hurt while working here.” He nods his head and watches you return to your horse, you untie the reigns and climbs onto the horse, making sure to push your heels down, you turn the reins and click your tongue, urging your horse to move which also caused the horse Taehyung was riding to move, you guide your horse out of the stable area and onto a road that would lead you to explore your farm. “I think we’ll just go on a stroll today, gallop another day, besides…” You look at him, picking up on how focused he was on keeping his hands and heels in the correct position. “There’s no rush.”

Throughout the ride you kept an eye on his heels, quick to remind him about pushing them down and keeping them down when you saw his heels were no longer pushed down, you didn’t blame him for forgetting, over the years something can become a habit, and it would take time to break that habit and learn to something another way, you also got to know more about each other, like how he had come to love horses, who had raised him and what he wanted to be if he wasn’t working with horses, by the time you were on your way back to the stables it was late in the afternoon and the sun was starting to go down, but your mind was set at ease, you got to know him a little more and your worries became less as you started to slowly trust him, you arrive back at the stables and dismount your horse and lead him into the stable with Taehyung not far behind with the other horse, you unstrap the saddle and remove the bridle and took it into the small shed, making a mental note to clean it later.

“I’ll clean them later, so you can just put them in there for now.” You say as you saw Taehyung remove the bridle. “Let me show you where I wash and cool them down after a long ride.” He quickly takes the equipment to the shed before exiting and following you to the other side of the stable.

“How often do you ride?” He asks, surely you must ride a lot, you took care of them and trained them, you probably enjoyed just saddling one up and going for a ride around your farm.

“As often as I can.” You say. “Which is not a lot these days, but when I have a moment to myself, I usually go for a ride.” He nods his head. “So uh, this is a nice open spot because the food is also close if they want to eat.” You show him the clear spot where a large bucket was that you usually filled with food to keep the horses busy while you washed them. “And fill this with water for them to drink.” He nods his head, listening closely to your instructions. “Some of them will become impatient and restless, it depends on their mood on that day, if that’s the case, take them back to their stall and let me know, I’ll go tire them out or if you want to learn or do it yourself, just let me know, and I’ll show you what to do.”

“Would you show me how to do it one day?” He asks with excitement in tone, eagerness clear in his body language.

“Sure, the pen is right outside that door over there.” You say and point to another door. “I usually take them there and tire them out, or to train them.” You could see his eyes lighting up as a smile forms on his lips, you could tell that he was curious.

“Thank you.” He says and slightly bows his head. “I’ll wash those two and brush the others tomorrow.” You brightly smile at him, showing some of your teeth as you smiled.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help, I’m not going to be one of those bosses that sit back and watch their employees.” You say. “I just need to go feed Waffles, and then I’ll be back to help you with them.” He nods his head as you both walk into the direction where you had left the horses, you exit the stables while he guides the horses to the watering hose to wash them, you make your way to the large storage building where you stored all the food and medication for your animals, you enter the building and grab the bag filled with Waffles’s food and made your way to the pen where he lived, you enter the pen, closing the gate behind you as he ran towards you with a loud ‘maaa’, you giggle as you make your way to the small building where you kept the food and where he slept or stayed during colder days, Waffles hops next to you as you approach his home.

“You’re so cheerful.” You say as you step into the small building, you open the bag and fills his food supply. “Here you go, sunshine.” You put the half-emptied bag on the ground and gently pats his head. “You know the man that you met yesterday… well, he doesn’t seem that bad.” You pick up the bag. “Well, I should go help him, I’ll stop by again later.”

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“Good morning, Taehyung.” You greet him as you step into the stable, Taehyung was busy filing the water in each stall when you arrived. “There are some delivery trucks coming today.” He nods his head as he glances away from the water bowls he was filling. “I’ll be showing you where everything is stored and where they should unpack everything for the times I’m not here.” He moves towards the tap and closes it before removing the watering hose from the stall.

“Good morning, [Y/n].” He greets you as he neatly places the hose against the wall. “Are you planning on going anywhere anytime soon?” He looks at you while running his fingers through his hair, pushing them back only for them to fall back into place, with a few pieces of hair sticking up, your mind drifts for a moment, wondering how he would look with your hand running through it, you shook your head, he was your employee, you were his boss, you couldn’t have those thoughts about him, you barely even knew him.

“Not anytime soon, but I will in a few months once again go on another trip.” You say. “But maybe this time I don’t have to delay my deliveries if you’re here to help.” He had no idea about the one-month deal you had made with your brother, and you saw no reason to tell him about it, only a few days had passed, and you had felt the load being lifted from your shoulders in those few days. “They usually arrive just before eleven, so let me go show you the storage building, although, I’m positive you probably already saw it, right?”

“I have, but not the inside, and I assume that they’re also delivering some medicine and cleaning products, right?” He asks as he approaches you, he stops in front of you with a soft smile on his lips, you slowly nod your head as you glance at his lips before looking up into his brown eyes, those dark brown eyes that had a golden glow when the rays of the sun would hit them.

“Yes, you’re right.” You say. “You will have to know where they’re kept also in case I’m not home and there’s an emergency, I can only assume my brother showed you those kept in that little shed where the equipment is kept, right?” You nodded your head to the shed you were referring to.

“Yes.” He says, you nod your head and turn.

“Come, let me go show you.” You say as you exit the stable with him not far behind you, his long legs quickly caught up with you and walked next next to you. “A veterinarian and her team will also be coming next week to give a check-up on all the animals and make sure that they’re all still healthy and in good shape.” You glance at him and caught him already looking at you. “Again, I’m hoping the if there comes a time when I’m not here, that you could guide them around and help them when they need it.” He nods his head as you approach the storage building.

“That’s why I’m here.” He says. “To lift some of that weight from your shoulders, and make it easier for you.” You stop in front of the door and turn to look at him, giving him a warm smile. “And make your life easier for when you’re not here.”

“And I’m glad about that, I already feel that a lot has been lifted from my shoulders since you started.” You say as you pull the lock open of the storage door. “Thank you.” You walk inside and lead him to the back of the storage.

“I’m glad to hear that I’ve been able to do that.” He says, you lead him to the large walk-in fridge and opens the door.

“Don’t let this door shut on you, if it does, make sure you have your phone with you to call for help.” You say as you place two bricks in front of it to keep it from shutting. “Always put something in front of it to keep it open.” He nods his head and follows you inside. “This is where most of the medication is kept, you will see which one belongs here and which ones are outside, you saw the large closest-like thing just outside right?” He nods his head. “Okay, that is where the other medicine is kept, such as pills, eye drops or sprays.” You point to the back of the fridge. “Some cleaning products are also in here, which is kept over there.” You look at him. “I keep them away from all the medicine so I don’t end up accidentally grabbing the wrong thing if I’m in a hurry when it’s an emergency.” You place your hand on one of the shelves. “These are for when one of them is giving birth, and you see a problem or something that could cause or become a problem.” He nods his head before looking over all the products, as a child, he had seen most of the things and as he grew older he learned what most of them did and what they were used for. “If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask, all right?”

“I will.” He says as you step out of the fridge, you close the door once he was out of the fridge. “But you’ll be here if one of them is close to giving birth, right?” He had seen it before his teenage years, but he was too young to understand what he had to do during that time, even though he had learned about it, he would feel more comfortable if he had a helping hand for the first few times.

“Of course, don’t stress about that.” You say and turn towards him. “So, uh, we might not have a lot of time after the delivery trucks leave, but I would like to show you around the farm some more tomorrow if you’re up for another ride?” A wider smile appears on his lips as he nods his head, his hair bouncing as he did.

“Yes, I definitely want to see more of it, the parts I saw the other day looked so beautiful.” He says.

“Then we’ll go tomorrow morning early, then I can show you where the horses spend their time during the summer.” You say as you exit the storage building, you close and lock the door once Taehyung had stepped out of the building. “And where you can go search if one of them were to escape because that does sometimes happen.”

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━

The sun was already high in the sky beating down on earth when you and Taehyung exit the stables with two horses saddled up and ready to be taken out for a ride, you glance at Taehyung and saw that he had his heels pushed down as you guide the horses down the road.

“How did you sleep last night?” You ask as the horses walk side by side as the day slowly begins ticking by. “I know I always have trouble sleeping when I’m in a new place, and I realized last night that I never asked if you were comfortable in the cottage yet.”

“Oh, I slept good, and you don’t need to worry about that.” He says. “I’m not like that, I can fall asleep almost everywhere comfortably as long as I’m holding something in my arms, like a bunch of pillows.” You nod your head. “Is there a reason why you can’t fall asleep in a new place?”

“It’s usually the unfamiliarity and without Terry and Pizzie there to comfort me or lay with me on the bed, it just feels empty and lonely.” You say as you glance at him, you were moving at a slow pace enjoying the morning along with the soft gentle breeze blowing, the autumn morning making the day look even more beautiful, winter was drawing closer and closer it could be felt in the air as it got colder each day and night. “Terry and Pizzie keep me company at night, and it doesn’t feel the same without them.” He nods his head, understanding what you meant.

“It doesn’t feel like home without them, does it?” He asks, you nod your head. “I understand that, sometimes when Yeontan isn’t with me, which is rare, I don’t feel too comfortable, so I think that’s why I’m comfortable in the cottage, he’s here with me, but if he’s not with me, I still fall asleep easily because the faster I go to sleep, the faster I’ll be able to see him again.”

“That’s another way to see it.” You say as you guide your horse down a road that was next to a wide-open field with a fence surrounding it. “But sometimes the days are too long.” He nods his head, agreeing with you. “But, uh, anyway, uh, this is where I usually bring the horses and ponies to roam freely when it’s summer and when the stables become too hot for them to stay in.” Taehyung turns his head to look at the open field, it was usually covered with fresh green grass but since autumn had settled in it had died and become a brown colour.

“It looks so spacious.” He says as he turns his head to look at you. “I bet it looks unreal during the summer months.” The horses slowly walk past the area, the sound of their hooves clicking loudly on the ground.

“It’s absolutely unreal, it takes your breath away during the summer.” You say. “They’re so free when I bring them to this spot, you could just watch them roam, run and play around this area for hours and hours without getting bored or tired of watching it.” You gently smile as you thought about the past summer when they were running around. “You should experience it for yourself.” You pull on the reins as another road approaches. “Turn here.” The horses move down that road as you and Taehyung steer them in the direction.

“I can’t wait to experience it.” He says and looks around the road you were following. “This place is big, or it seems big.” He fixes his gaze on you.

“It is big, but also not as big as you think.” You say. “There are bigger farms in the area, compared to them, mine is much smaller.” The horses approach a lake that was located not too far from the open field where the horses and ponies roamed. “This lake is mostly for the ducks and birds, but you can take a dip in it if you feel like it.”

“It’s clean?” He asks as the horses immediately approach the water and begin drinking from it. “You’re telling me that I can relax in it without worrying that there’s something in it that isn’t supposed to be in there?”

“I wouldn’t say that, you should definitely make sure when you want to take a dip that there isn’t anything suspicious-looking.” You say. “Snakes could be inside it, or a duck could have laid her eggs nearby, and trust me when I say this, you do not want to be chased by an angry mama duck.” He chuckles and shakes his head.

“No, right, I definitely wouldn’t want that to happen.” He says. “They’re scary when they’re protective of their eggs.” Taehyung looks around the area, admiring the view from it.

“I have people that come out every year to inspect it, clean it also, just be sure that there isn’t anything inside it that shouldn’t be in there.” You say. “I wouldn’t want any animals to drink it if it’s not healthy or clean for them, because this water mostly comes from my water tank when it overflows when I fill it each weekend, I usually let it overflow for about thirty minutes to make sure the lake has enough water.” You point towards the pipe coming out from the ground. “Just to be sure that nobody is without water, even though there is a stream not far from here.”

“And during the winter?” He asks, surely the water would be less during the cold months.

“It freezes over a little until the sun comes out for a bit, but we both know that the sun isn’t as strong either, so some days it doesn’t melt the ice, but there’s barely anything aside from the birds drinking and bathing in this water, so it lasts a bit longer than it does during the summer.” You say, he nods his head, and you pull on the reins and begin guiding your horse away from the water, he does the same and steers his horse to follow yours as you guide your horse down another path. “You should see the meadow before it completely freezes over, I don’t want you to wait until summer to see it, not that it doesn’t look absolutely beautiful when it’s covered with snow, it’s just something you have to see before everything wither's away from the cold.” He nods his head as he chuckles.

“Wither's away.” He chuckles out. “I understand what you mean, it probably looks much different during the different seasons.” You nod your head. “Do you go there often then?”

“A lot during the summer.” You say. “When I want to think or be alone with my thoughts, Terry and Pizzie usually join me, but they seem to be enjoying Yeontan’s company today as you can see they’re not here with us today.” He looks around and notices unlike the last time, they weren’t accompanying them this time. “Most of the time I leave my phone at home just to have some peace and quiet, an hour of downtime.” He nods his head as he listens. “Don’t worry, it’s not just my spot, if you ever feel like you need a moment to yourself, the meadow is definitely the spot to go to.”

“I will remember that for when I ever feel like that.” He says. “And if that day ever does come, I’ll inform you of my absence.” A smile begins pulling at the corner of your lips.

“I would appreciate that, but you don’t have to.” You say, the trees surrounding you became thicker before it opened up to reveal a meadow, thick grass covered the ground with tiny flowers hanging as they begged for water to bloom again, a stream could be seen not far from the open field, the sound of water rushing through it to get to its destinations reached your ears, a few giant trees were near the sparkling stream, birds chirping underneath it as they bathed in the water.

“Do you have two lakes?” He asks in amazement, the view in front of him seemed like it was ripped right out of a fantasy movie.

“A lake and a stream.” You say. “This one is pure nature, I don’t touch it or let anyone else touch it.” The horses move close to the stream before stopping next to it, in the distance, a waterfall could barely be heard as the water loudly crashed down into the stream.

“Is the waterfall on your farm?” He asks as he heard it, he looks at you, and you nod your head before lifting your hand, pointing in the direction of the waterfall.

“If we keep following the stream along this way then we would find it.” You say, he nods his head, wanting to ask if they could go see it. “Come on, let me go show it to you.” You pull at the reins letting your horse turn to the side, you use your lower legs to squeeze behind the grith which caused your horse to start walking, Taehyung did the same movements as you and his horse follow next to yours. “You may get a tiny bit wet from the water spray.”

“That’s all right, today is kind of warm for an autumn day.” He says, you glance at him and saw a noticeable layer of sweat coating his honey skin, the button-up shirt he wore clung to his skin, morning had long passed since you and Taehyung started riding and exploring your farm, so you could understand why he would be covered with sweat, you could feel your own skin feeling a bit sticky from sweat.

You continue to guide your horse along the stream while still talking to each other, getting to know each other more and more, during the entire walk you started growing fonder of him and started to become more comfortable around him and the idea of him being on your farm, helping you around the farm, you slowly started trusting him, but that didn’t mean that you wouldn’t be cautious of him until you were certain that you could fully trust him, but you would definitely let your brother know that you didn’t want to get rid of him at the end of the month, you arrive at the waterfall, it wasn’t big, but the stream was strong enough to cause it to fall loudly down into the water below, which caused it to splash and spray everywhere, the surrounding area was constantly wet and sometimes frozen over in winter, but quickly became green during spring.

“Oh, this looks so beautiful.” He says. “Especially with that small rainbow inside the spray.” He glances at you. “It’s probably always there, right?” You nod your head as you move closer to it and into the splash of the water, the horses stop in their step, not wanting to move any closer to it. “That feels almost refreshing.” He could feel the spray hitting him, the cool water cooling down his hot sweat-covered skin, bumps forms on your skin from the cold water hitting you.

“It’s always nice to be here.” You say, you pull at the reins making your horse turn. “That tree over there.” Taehyung looks towards the direction your horse was facing. “That is the best spot to sit and watch, sometimes read, but most of the time I just sit there and watch and listen to everything, if you sit long enough you will see fawns approach to drink some water.”

“You can?” He asks as his face light up, you nod your head. “That just sounds like a dream.” You softly giggle. “It seems peaceful here, do you come to this spot often also?” He pulls on the reins and turns his horse to the spot you were facing. “Because it seems like a spot you could come to when you want to figure something's out.”

“Not as often, but I do come to this spot to think or just get away from everything when it feels like it’s getting too much.” You say. “In the summer it can be nice to walk through the spray to keep cool from the hot weather.” He nods his head as he continues to admire the spot. “Come on, let me go show you the final spot, the sun is getting low, and it’s the perfect time to go show it to you.” You pull at the reins slightly to turn your horse before squeezing your lower legs which caused your horse to start moving forward, Taehyung does the same, and you begin making your way back down the stream.

“I’ve noticed that some of your horses respond to just certain movements you make, but others respond to noise.” He points out, you nod your head.

“The two we rode the other day are young ones, they still need to learn the movements that you make when you want them to move, these two are older ones.” You explain. “They’ve been learned with just a little squeeze of your lower legs that it’s time to go.” He nods his head. “But these two were also specifically trained to feel the squeeze, in case I find myself in a situation with one of my horses being deaf.” His lips slightly part, he hadn’t thought of that before. “Every animal deserves a chance to live, no matter the situation unless it would cause them more suffering…”

“I understand…” He trails off knowing what you meant. “Hopefully you haven’t had to endure such a situation yet.” You faintly smile at him.

“Unfortunately I did.” You say. “But that was a long time ago.” You continue to talk as you take him to the final destination before you would be heading back to the stables, he asked about the incident, and you told him which result in him bursting into tears with you, you quickly brightened the mood by sharing another story which caused him to laugh, he shared a story with you as you approach a small path that leads to the cliff, the sun begins moving lower and lower as the minute's tick by, Taehyung quickly notices as you approach the cliff that it displayed the sunset perfectly.

“Whoa…” He breathes out as his jaw slacks, he watches the view as the sun slowly lowers down. “This is so beautiful.” He turns his head to look at you, his eyes sparkling with joy. “Have you stayed to watch the sunset?”

“A bunch of times.” You say. “It’s beautiful, it’s also a nice spot to have a picnic.” You had in the past watched the sunsets and brought yourself a picnic basket and a blanket to relax, you had even cleared a spot for yourself to just sit and relax and unwind from the day, usually, Terry and Pizzie would also join you for those evening, they would run around, sniff everything before laying down on the blanket with you, you would take out the food you had packed for them. “You should definitely come here one night to watch it with Yeontan.”

“Oh, I will, I definitely will.” He says as he stares at the view with amazement in his eyes. “Soon.” You smile before looking at him.

“Should we head back or do you want to stay a little longer?” You ask, he didn’t want to leave just yet, he wanted to watch the sunset. “Do you want to come over for dinner tonight also?” Those words quickly made him change his mind about staying there to watch the sunset, he would have plenty of opportunities in the future to watch it, but how many times would you invite him over for dinner? And he was starving after only having breakfast that morning.

“Yes.” He says. “Yes to both of your questions.” You saw this as another perfect opportunity to get to know more about him over dinner, to learn what he liked and disliked, you still had so many questions for him and he most likely still had tons to ask you. “Just so you know, I’m not an expert at making food.”

“That’s all right, as long as you can help only a little.” You say. “Like cutting vegetables or stir occasionally.”

“I can at least do that.” He says. “What do you have in mind?”

“Elk stew.” You say. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh, no, no, it sounds interesting, I don’t think I’ve ever had it before.” He says. “I’m looking forward to tasting it.”

“It takes a long time to make, but it’s definitely worth it.” You say.

“I don’t mind waiting, especially if you say that it’s worth the wait.” He says, you pull on the reins and guide your horse back down the path you had come from, his horse follows alongside yours. “Besides, it has meat in, right?” You nod your head. “Then it’s worth the wait.”

After arriving back at the stables and unsaddling the horses Taehyung said that he would take care of everything while you can put the meat onto the stove for it to begin cooking, it didn’t take long after you had started cooking it for him to join you in the kitchen, he washes his hands before you had told him to chop some dill while you were gathering the spices and herbs you would use in the stew, he had noticed another pot on the stove with potatoes inside it, the delicious smell filled his nostrils and his stomach growled with hunger.

“It already smells so good.” He says. “I can already tell that it’s going to taste so good.” You smile as you add some spices to the boiling water. “That just made the smell stronger and better.” You softly giggle as you move towards him, you place your hands on the counter next to the chopping board.

“You’re hyping it up so much, I hope it lives up to that hype you’re giving it.” You say and glance down at the dill he was cutting. “Any troubles or problems?”

“No, no problems.” He says as he begins cutting again. “How much do you need?”

“Finish that one then it will be just enough.” You say, he nods his head, and you move away from him to check on the meat in the pot, after finishing the dill he was busy with he moves it closer to the pot for when you would add them.

“How long have you been making this stew?” He asks.

“It’s been in our family for generations, and I’ve been making it ever since I learned how to cook.” You say. “It’s one of my absolute favourite dishes to make.” He could hear the smile in your voice without needing to look up at you. “I remember as a kid that I waited for hours to taste this, the aroma filled the house and you just had to wait until it was finished and time to eat.” Fondness in your voice as you spoke, he looks at you and watches as a smile tugs on your lips as you think back to that time. “The first time I made it or tried to make it, it wasn’t as good, but things take time and practice.”

“It sounds like an interesting story.” He says. “Would you be willing to tell me that story one day?” You nod your head.

“I will, one day.” You say. “Maybe even over dinner tonight.” He watches as you stir the stew, the scent from it hitting him and enveloping him in almost a comforting embrace.

“It feels like I’m about to start drooling because of that smell.” He says making you giggle. “I’m serious, I can feel my stomach begging me to taste it.”

“It’s almost finished then you can taste it.” You say as you add the dill to it. “Just a few more minutes.” You place the lid onto the pot.

“Okay… wait it’s almost ready?” He asks.

“Almost.” You say. “I can’t believe the time went by that quickly, usually it feels like it takes much longer than this.”

“My company is just that good.” He says in a joking tone.

“Must be that it.” You say. “Good company makes the time fly by faster and the wait shorter.” You turn your body to face him. “So yes, you are very good company, no joke.” You could see the surprise in his eyes at your words. “Why do you seem so surprised, did you not think that you were good company?”

“I uh… I just wasn’t expecting you to agree.” He says. “But it’s a good surprise I’m experiencing right now.” You softly smile before turning back to the pot, slowly, you were getting used to each other, slowly opening up and trusting each other a little more.

“Did someone tell you that you were bad company once?” You ask. “Because I can assure you that they were lying.” You lift the lid from the pot and places it on the counter, you stir the stew before scooping a little of the sauce onto the spoon and gently blows on it.

“I’ll tell you about it one day.” He says, you nod your head and slightly turns towards him.

“Taste.” You say as you move the spoon closer to him, he looks at the spoon before moving closer to it, he tastes it and moves the taste around his mouth before he starts nodding his head.

“Hm, wow, that tastes so good.” He says, you smile to yourself as you turn the burner off and made your way to one of the cabinets, you take out two plates and place them on the counter.

“Would you like anything to drink?” You ask right as you were about to reach for the cabinet that held the glasses and cups.

“Not right now maybe later.” He says, you nod your head and move to the cutlery drawer and takes out the utensils you would be using before pushing the plates closer to the stove, you pick up the spoon you stirred the stew with and hands it to Taehyung.

“You can scoop in first.” You say, he takes the spoon from you looking unsure.

“Are you sure?” He asks. “You made it, the chef should have some first.”

“And you are my guest, so go ahead.” You say as you remove the lid from the other pot that had the cooked potatoes in it. “Looks like these are also ready.” You glance at Taehyung as he slowly fills his plate with the stew. “Don’t be shy, if you’re hungry make sure you get a lot, I won’t judge.” A smile forms on his lips before he adds more to his plate.

“Thank you.” He says. “For inviting me to dinner and making dinner, and for also showing me around your farm today.” You gently smile at him as you bring your plate closer, you begin scooping in some potatoes.

“You’re going to be here for a long time, so you might as well see more of the farm, and this is the perfect opportunity for us to get to know each other and become more comfortable with each other.” You say, he hands you the spoon to the stew and you hand him the spoon for the potatoes before switching places with him. “I’m sure that you still have a lot to ask me just like I also still have a lot to ask you.”

“I’m glad to hear that you plan on keeping me around for a while.” He says as he scoops some potatoes in. “I was worried you wouldn’t want to since your brother didn’t tell you about hiring me.” A gentle smile forms on your lips.

“My brother does things… that he thinks will help me or be helpful.” You say. “Sometimes the things he does for me work out for the better, other times he’s apologising for something I told him not to do.” You move to the table in the kitchen after filling your plate with the stew, you place the plate down on the table. “But this time it seems like he doesn’t have to apologise for what he did.” Taehyung moves to the other side of the dining table and places his plate down on the table. “I’m impressed with how much you have helped me around here.” You sit down at the table and move your chair closer, he sits down across from you and moves closer to the table.

“I’m glad to hear that.” He says. “And you’re right, I still have a lot to ask you.”

“And I’ll answer with what I’m comfortable with.” You say. “Don’t worry, the more I learn to trust you and the more I get to know you, the more I’ll be comfortable around you, and share more with you.”

“Of course, I’m not expecting you to share with me immediately or everything.” He says, you nod your head giving him a warm smile before glancing down at your plate.

“I’m glad about that.” You say as you look up at him. “Well, dig in, I hope it lives up to the hype you’ve given it.” He slightly chuckles and takes his first bite of it, your head was looking down at your plate, but your eyes were carefully watching him, watching his reaction as you cut your potatoes, you were curious about his reaction when he would taste the meat, this is your favourite dish, and you were hoping that he would like it, it almost seemed like his chewing had shown down as he tasted it, the smoky taste from the meat covered the taste of the dill, the flavour awakening his taste buds, his eyes widen, and he looks up nodding this head in approval.

“Oh, wow.” He says after swallowing. “Wow, I knew it would taste good after tasting the sauce, but this is just…” He gathers more. “This is delicious, where has this been all my life?” You softly chuckle as you move your fork to your mouth and take a bite from the potatoes you just cut. “This is just… I’m not sure how to explain it, it’s really good.”

“I’m glad to hear that it lived up to the hype you gave it.” You say after swallowing, he nods his head and stuffs his mouth with more stew. “There’s enough if you want a second plate, or if you want some for tomorrow.” He nods his head.

“I definitely think I should take some with me.” He says.

“I’ll put some aside for you.” You say.

You continue eating and had small conversation here and there with each other, he continues to praise the taste of the stew every few bites, making you giggle each time he did, you hadn’t expected him to like it as much as you do, but with how he complimented it and made sure to remind you to scoop some out for him assured you that he loved it just as much as you did if not more.

“Here, let at least wash the plates.” He says as you put the plates into the kitchen sink.

“You don’t have to do it, I’ll do it later.” You say.

“I insist.” He says. “I enjoyed the meal that you cooked for us, I should at least help clean up.” He moves towards the sink.

“If you insist.” You say, you were surprised, never in your life had you met anyone willing to help with the dishes, usually, everyone enjoyed the meal and dropped their plate into the sink before disappearing from the kitchen, leaving the dishes to you. “The soap is underneath the sink along with the sponge.” He takes a step back and opens the cabinet doors underneath the sink, he takes out the soap and sponge and closes the doors.

“I always helped with the dishes in my home after we ate.” He says. “It’s something I think I’m good at, and I feel like I’m helping after my attempt at helping to make the food failed.”

“But you helped tonight, you cut the dill.” You say, he chuckles and shakes his head as he begins washing the first plate.

“It didn’t feel like enough, so let me be more helpful with the cleaning.” He says, you nod your head as your eyes move down to his hands, you couldn’t help but stare at them for a moment, admiring them, ‘I… how… his hands.’ You thought to yourself before looking away and grabbing a drying cloth, you take the plate from his hands after he washed it and dries it off, your mind begins to drift back to his hands for a moment.

“Ahem.” You clear your throat as you shake your head. “What would you like to drink?” You ask as you put the plate down on the counter.

“Just some tea if you have some.” He says, you nod your head and hangs the drying cloth over your shoulder as you move to the kettle, you check how much water it has in before going to the fridge and took out a bottle of water, you didn’t want to go near the sink and get distracted by his hands again, you pour the bottled water into the kettle and turns it on.

“Do you have a specific flavoured tea that you like?” You ask.

“No, not really, or none that I can think about right now.” He says, you nod your head and took out two cups and begins preparing them, he finishes washing the other plate and places it on the drying rack. “Can I use your bathroom?” You nod your head as you turn around to face him.

“Yes, it’s just down the hall, you will see it.” You instruct, he nods his head and exits the kitchen, you take in a deep breath before moving towards the plate to dry it, ‘It’s going to be an intense, fuck, I mean interesting few months.’

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━

A year and six months quickly pass since your brother hired Taehyung, things had been going smoothly, for the most part, you grew closer and closer to him and learned more about him as the months passed, but then you started to pick up the little things, the smallest of things had become noticeable to you, you would pick up the littlest quirks, it didn’t take you long to realize that you had developed feelings for him, but instead of accepting them, you denied them, writing them off as nothing but a crush, a crush you would get over, but then you started to notice all his tiny flaws that weren’t visible when you met him, and you loved them, that… that was when you knew that you had fallen for him.

The mole on his nose was the cutest thing to you as well as the one on his lower eyelid, the two moles on his arms that he seems to like to most and showed off while giving it an elephant face was absolutely adorable to you, but the one that distracted you the most, the one you wanted to stare at all day, but couldn’t, was the one on his lips, you wanted to admire his soft plump lips all day, watch them stretch into a wide smile or into the boxy smile he made, all those things were burned into your mind, haunting your dreams, your thoughts were consumed with it when you were busy with work, making food, ordering medication and food for the animals, some days you would even catch yourself daydreaming about him, but you would quickly shake your head as you tried to erase the images from your mind, you are his boss, and he is your employee, it would never work, even if it does work… he doesn’t feel the same, he doesn’t think of you in the same way… Just thinking about it made you lean forward in your office chair and place your pencil down on the table.

“Or does he…?” You mutter to yourself as your brows furrow. “No, no he definitely doesn’t.” You lean back against the chair as you bring your hand to your head, gently rubbing your temples. “Ugh.” If it weren’t his lips distracting you, it was his hands, the way they held something, the way they appeared to be sculpted. “Dammit!” You push the chair away from the desk and stood. “I should let him know about the visitor tomorrow.” You had noticed the small changes in your feelings towards him, and they continued to grow, you kept them to yourself and only told Waffles, Terry and Pizzie about them, you were hoping those feelings would eventually go away… but they only became stronger.

Stepping into the stables with your eyes on the ground as you thought about what you were going to tell him, you knew he was there, you had heard him working with one of the horses, you look up from the ground and saw him guiding the horse into the stall before closing and locking the door, his skin was coated with a visible layer of sweat, you could see his muscles flexing as he pulled the stall door closed, his hair was wet from the sweat and stuck to his forehead.

“Shit.” You mumble at the sight, he turns towards you and smiles at you. “Uh, um, hi.” You clear your throat as you take a step towards him. “I uh, I need to tall— I mean to tell you something.” Your mind couldn’t focus on creating proper words, forming them properly, you could feel your cheeks heating up as blood rushed to them, ‘stop stumbling!’ you thought to yourself. “I’m here to… uh, tell you… something.” Your sentence was slow as you tried not to fall over your words, he nods his head as he walks towards his bag that was on the ground.

“I’m listening.” He says as he picks up the water bottle next to his bag, he unscrews the cap and takes a sip from it, his head tilts back as he does, your eyes move to his neck as you watch his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallows, sweat rolls down his neck before disappearing into the fabric of the button-up, he lowers the bottle and puts the cap back on and placed it down next to his bag. “Are you okay?” He walks towards you, his long legs carrying him towards you quickly, he stops in front of you, you slowly look up at him.

“I uh…” You begin saying, but your words get caught up in your throat. “We uh… someone will be… ahem.” You clear your throat as you avoided looking into his eyes, ‘the more I avoid them, maybe I’ll get out of here faster.’ You thought to yourself, your hands became clammy as your nerves spiked. “Someonewillbevisitingtomorrowtoseeiftheywanttobuyahorse.” Your words came out faster than you intended, he moves closer to you, knots in his eyes as he stared at you in confusion.

“I missed that entirely.” He says. “Could you repeat it?” You could feel your knees wanting to buckle beneath you, you needed to say it again, but slowly and then get out of there to go sit down, you nervously smile at him and nod your head.

“Yes, of course.” You say. “Uh, someone is coming to visit tomorrow, they’re going to see if there’s a horse that they want to buy.” He nods his head.

“All right, I’ll make sure everything is in order for tomorrow.” He says, you nod your head and turn to leave, he quickly grabs your hand stopping you from leaving, you could feel the warmth from his hand in yours as he held onto it, something seemed to run through your veins when he touched you, but you weren’t sure what it was, you just knew and felt your heart rate picking up. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” You slowly turn back to face him, a smile on your lips but on the inside, it felt like you were going to collapse.

“Yes?” You say. “Is something bothering you? Are you unhappy here?” The wheels in your mind started turning as you thought that he was starting to become unhappy on the farm with you, ‘Did he get another offer? A better offer?’

“It’s nothing like that.” He says. “I’m still happy here, but something is bothering me, and it has been for a few months now.” You nod your head and waited for him to continue. “I thought if I ignored it at first then it would sort itself out, but it doesn't seem like it has, so, is something bothering you?”

“I uh, wh— why do you think that?” You were caught off guard by his question.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asks. “You’ve been distant…” He trails off before shaking his head. “Okay, not distant but acting a little off when you’re around me.” You swallow, your mouth suddenly drying up. “I would like to know if I did something wrong or something that had upset you.”

“No, I… No, no you didn’t.” You say almost dumbfounded. “You didn’t do anything at all.” He nods his head and moves closer to you, he leans down, you could feel the heat from his skin.

“Then I’m glad.” He says. “And then also, I’d like to try something.” Your eyes meet his and caught him staring at your lips. “If you don’t mind.” You were about to answer him, but your words were swallowed by his lips brushing against yours, your eyes widen as you felt his cushiony lips against yours, it took a moment before you leaned into the kiss, your eyes slowly starting to shut only for him to pull away.

“I…” You begin before stopping, you weren’t sure what you were supposed to say, ‘That you liked it! That you wanted him to do it one more time! Or the more times…’

“I’d like to do that again.” He says. “You seemed to shock to respond.” You quickly pull your hand out from his and place both your hand on his shoulders, your eyes blown wide open as you stare into his. “Is this your way of saying you don’t feel the same way?”

“No.” You say. “I’d like for you to kiss me again.” He didn’t need to be invited twice to kiss you again, his lips slam against yours as his hands move to your hips, lightly gripping the clothed skin, you could feel his fingers slightly digging into the flesh, his tongue runs over your bottom lip for a moment, you took his tongue between your lips and sucks on it for a moment before pulling away. “If you inflict any type of pain on me, this ends, same goes for name-calling, especially degrading names.” Your lips were slightly swollen from the kiss. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand.” He says knowing that this was about to become much more than just a heated kiss. “I understand completely.” You nod your head and use your strength to turn him around and back him into the stable walls, he was much taller than you were, you had to look up at him to look at his face because if you had looked at him straight ahead you would be staring at his chest.

“Good, I’m glad you do.” You say as your hands move down his arms, feeling the hot flesh beneath your touch as well as his muscles, damn were you glad it was summer, and he was wearing a short-sleeved button-up shirt. “Because I really don’t want to stop right now.”

“I don’t want you to stop.” He says, you lean closer as he leans downs and presses his lips against yours, his hand on your hips moving over your stomach before moving between your legs, cupping your clothed pussy, feeling the heat through your pants and panties, his fingers pressed against your pussy while his other hand moves up your side, brushing over the side of your tit as he moved it to cup your cheek. “Then what can I call you?” He sounded out of breath as he spoke, your lips still close to his, ready to collide again after you had pulled away from the kiss.

“My name.” You whisper. “Or any other nickname unless it’s a degrading one.” You move one of your hands away from his arm and down towards his cock and cups it through his jeans and felt that he was starting to grow hard, his eyes roll to the back of his head, something you quickly caught and couldn’t help but feel a boost in your confidence. “Do I have such an effect on you?” You rub your hand on his jeans, palming him through the rough fabric.

“Hm.” He moans, that would be the first of many moans you would pull from him, and just hearing it made you more excited to hear more noises coming from him.

“Let’s see what you have been hiding underneath all these layers.” You say as your other hand drops down his shirt, your fingers making quick work to unbutton his shirt, he tilts his head back, leaning it against the wall, both of your hands grip at the shirt and pulls it off his shoulders and down his arms before tossing it to the side, you lick your lips as your eyes move over his chest, he was even more perfect than you had imagined, your fingers trace over his chest moving them lower and lower, you lean closer and place a kiss on his chest.

“Is it what you imagined it to be?” He asks as if he knew that you had been imagining this for months now, you could feel his chest rumble as he spoke.

“It’s better, much better.” You say not even glancing up at his face, your lips continue to kiss his chest, leaving soft kisses everywhere until your lips reached his nipple, your lips halt above it before you slip your tongue out from your mouth and flick it over his nipple.

“Hm.” He hums at the sensation, a smirk forms on your lips before you do it again, you could feel his hand pressing harder between your legs pressing more against your pussy, you move to his other nipple and do the same before leaving kisses around the bud, your hands move down to his jeans and begin fumbling to unbutton the button on his jeans. “Struggling?” He rasps out.

“Shh.” You shush him just as you popped the button open. “I don’t need help undressing you.” Your hands move to the zipper and easily undoes it, your fingers curl around the fabric and pushes it down, he quickly moves his feet around as he removes his shoes and kicks them aside, his jeans pool around his ankles, he quickly manoeuvres them off his feet before kicking them aside. “Seems like you’re eager.” Your hand moves over his underwear and felt that he had hardened. “Hm, I can feel that you’re eager.” You move your hand to his that was between your legs, taking hold of it before moving it to the top of your pants. “Do you want to feel what you’re doing to me?”

“Yes.” He breathes out as he lifts his head away from the wall, he looks down between the two of you, at the position of his hand as you slip it into your pants, he quickly moves his hand over your panties and rubs your folds through the layer of your panties, feeling your wetness leaking from you and forming a wet patch on the fabric. “Oh my…” He sighs out, his cock twitches as blood rushes to it.

“Do you feel that?” You ask, he nods his head. “Good.” You pull his hand from your pants and lifts it to his mouth. “Have a taste.” His lips open and wrap around his fingers, tasting the clear liquid that was on his fingers, your release his hand and moves your hand to his underwear, your fingers curl around the band of it and carefully pushes it down, you release it when it reached his knees letting it pool around his feet, he steps out from it and moves it aside with his foot.

“Fuck, how did this happen?” He asks as he notices that he was the only one naked while you still had all your clothes on.

“Easily.” You say before moving down to your knees, his eyes follow you as you lower down in front of him, his eyes widen at the sight of you in front of him on your knees, inches away from his hardening cock, you glance up at him as you wrap your hands around his length. “Let me know if I do anything wrong here.”

“I’ll help you, I’ll tell you what I like and don’t.” He says, you nod your head and begin moving your hand along his length, your thumb circles around the head collecting the leaking liquid from the slit and spreads it over his length. “Gosh…” He closes his eyes as he felt your thumb teasing the slit, your other hand moves up and down his length feeling him becoming harder with each pump, you could feel the veins on his cock underneath your touch.

“You feel so good.” You say as you move your eyes to his cock. “Fuck, you’re so fucking big.” He opens his eyes to look at you as you stared at his enormous cock. “I’m starting to wonder if it will fit.”

“I… hem… uh.” He wasn’t sure how to respond, his cheeks heated up as blood rushed to them, was he supposed to feel proud of his size or embarrassed that you were questioning if it would fit or not. “I… I’m sure it will.” He manages to choke out, you look up at him with innocent eyes.

“You sound sure of it.” You say. “But I guess we’ll see.” You lean closer to his length and kiss the tip, silver strings of the clear liquid stuck to your lips as you pulled away before they snapped and rolled down your chin.

“Oh… go—“ His words get caught in his throats at the sight of his pre-cum on your chin, your lips wrap around his cock and begin moving your head up and down, wetting it and arousing him even more at the feeling of your warm mouth moving over his cock, it felt like he wanted to roll his eyes to the back of his head and shut them to enjoy the pleasure he was receiving, but he also wanted to watch you as you stared up at him, your eyes being the only thing that kept him from closing his, you unwrap one hand from his length and move it to his balls and gently took them in your hands. “Fuck… fuck, I thought you hadn’t done this before!” Your tongue darts in and out of his slit while your hand moves up and down his length that wasn’t in your mouth while your other hand gently massaged his balls, you take more of him into your mouth, using your tongue to slide more of his length into your mouth, you felt the tip hit the back of your throat and stop, you hallow your cheeks as you slowly slide him out of your mouth, making sure that your tongue was against his cock as you did, his length slips out from your mouth, and you begin peppering kisses down his length, he places one hand against the wall and moves the other hand— the one that was still near his lips after cleaning your juices from them— to your hair, his fingers entangle with your hair and softly holds onto them.

“Don’t you dare pull on my hair.” You warn him.

“Okay.” He breathes out. “But I don’t want to cum in your mouth or on you.” You move your head away, your eyes never leaving his. “Get up so I can undress you.” His eyes were clouded with lust, his brown eyes seemed darker than usual. “You’ve teased and warmed me up enough unless you want me to release in your mouth… or your clothes… or do you want it inside you?” You release his balls and his cock before standing up, you place your hands on his chest, a cocky smile on your lips.

“And who said you’re allowed to release inside me?” You ask. “If you don’t have any protection right here and now, then you’re going to have to pull out.” His hand slides through your hair. “Or we should end things here.” He plays the tips of your hair before pushing himself away from the wall and moves past you, he goes towards his bag and lifts it, pulling it open and searches through it, he had visited his parents only a few days ago and met up with his friend and ended up telling his friend about you which resulted in his friend buying him a box of condoms before he had returned to the farm, luckily he remembered his friend dropped the box into the bag he was searching through and thanked the universe that he had forgotten to take it out, you walk up behind him just as he finds the newly bought box. “Oh, look at that, it’s like you planned this, or the universe really wants this to happen.” You take the box from him. “Go get us a blanket.” He goes towards the shed that contained the horse equipment and searched through the blankets you had in there before finding one that looked the most comfortable. “Fuck.” You almost choke on your own spit as you saw the size on the box. “I knew it, how are you going to fit?” He throws the blanket open on the ground.

“Lay down.” He orders you, you toss him the box of condom before leaning over to unlace your shoes, you step out of them and made your way to the blanket and sits down on it. “I said lay, not sit.”

“Oh, ordering the boss around now, I see.” You say as you lay back on the blanket, he drops the box of condoms next to you on the blanket, he moves over you.

“And to answer your question.” He says as he leans down to your ear. “I’ll make sure that I will fit.” You could feel a shiver running through you at his words. “But I’ll also stop if you just say the word.” His hands move to the hem of your shirt and curl his fingers around the fabric, his knuckles brush up against your skin as he begins removing the shirt, you sit upright and allows him to easily remove the shirt, his hands instantly goes to your ribs after he dropped your shirt next to you, his hands flatten against your skin before he slides them to your back and towards the clasp of your bra, he moves to sit on his knees and leans closer to your chest, his lips wrap around your erect nipple through the fabric.

“Oh.” You gasp as you felt the fabric of your bra rub against your nipple and become wet from his saliva, your panties were already soaked from getting a taste of his cock, just imagining his cock sliding against your walls had caused you to become soaked which caused your panties to become wet, your bra suddenly felt loose around you which made you realized he had unclasped it and it was just clinging to your shoulders, his hands move to your shoulders and gently rubs them before his fingers curled around the straps, he pulls away from your nipple as he pulls the straps down your arms, he removes the piece of fabric and drops it where he had dropped your shirt, his lips connect with your collarbone and begins leaving a trail of kisses on it as he moves to your shoulder and back to your collarbone, he kisses down to your chest and down your sternum before moving to the nipple he hadn’t sucked, his lips wrap around the bud and gently begins sucking on it while his hands moved to your lower stomach and rests on your abdomen, you lay back on the blanket and he follows you, hovering over you, his lips almost releasing your nipple.

“Ohh.” You moan out as one of your hands move to his head, your fingers move through his hair while the other hand presses into the blanket, feeling the hard ground beneath it, his tongue circles the bud before he flattens his tongue against it. “Tae…” It almost sounded like a whine when you said his name, his lips release your nipple and gently blows on it causing it to harden from the cold air.

“The way you whine my name…” He breathes out before his lips brushed over your ribs, he moves lower as his lips move down your stomach, his fingers curl around the band of your pants and tugs at it, you bend your knees and press your heels into the ground and lifts your hips allowing him to remove your pants, the fabric slides along your legs before reaching your ankles, his eyes shift to between your legs and saw the damp spot on your panties. “So fucking wet.” You lower your hips and lift your feet, he removes your pants and pushes them aside. “Are you this wet because of me?” He licks his lips as he looks up at you. “Did sucking my cock make you this wet?”

“Mh, Tae…” You whine as you lift your head to look at him. “Touch me.” He places a hand on your thigh and slowly slides it upwards and between your thighs, his other hand grabs the back of your knee and pulls it to the side, spreading your legs apart and giving himself more access, he moves between your legs making sure that you wouldn’t be able to clamp them shut, he places a hand on your hip while his other hand reaches your moist pussy, his fingers trace along your clothed folds, feeling the wetness on it. “Oh.”

“Tell me what you want, what you like.” He says while stroking your clothed pussy lips, collecting the wetness that had seeped through the fabric of your panties, the feeling of his sculpted fingers touching your pussy felt so good already, you had to think properly for a minute before you could answer him, ‘Where did I want them the most? What did I want his fingers to do to me? Fuck he should remove those forsaken panties!’

“Get rid of my panties, touch me, stroke my pussy.” You breathe out, he smirks before pulling his hand away from your pussy and moves it to the elastic of your panties, his fingers curl around the fabric and pull them down, you lift your hips allowing him to remove the piece of fabric, you lower your hips to the ground and lift your feet to let him completely discard your panties, he places the fabric near his bag.

“What else do you want me to do, angel?” He asks in a deep husky tone, making you shiver, you couldn’t wait until he was whimpering and moaning, you desperately wanted to hear those noises come from him, ‘How would he looked fucked out?’ You thought before those thoughts were interrupted when his hand cupped your pussy.

“Clit, touch my clit.” You sigh, it only took a few seconds for you to feel his fingers move between your folds and stroke them, he could hear your wetness each time his fingers stroked along them. “Hm.” You whine out, you wanted those fingers of him on your clit, but he was teasing you, his fingers continue to stroke your fold, stopping every few seconds to massage them. “Tae…” Hearing his name already fall from your lips had him more excited which caused his cock to twitch against his stomach. “Tae… please…” His fingers move towards your clit, finally giving you what you want, his index finger circles around your clit. “Oh.” Your muscles stiffen at the foreign touch before you let out a sigh and allowed your muscles to relax, pleasure rushes through your veins.

“You’re responding to my touch so well.” He praises, watching your body twitch and react to his touch on your clit, he was vigorously rubbing circles around your clit, rubbing it back and forth and from side to side. “Look at you, so damn beautiful like this.” Two fingers were now circling your clit before he took the nub between his thumb and forefinger, slowly he rolled it between his fingers.

“Fu— ck!” You moan out as your back arches off the blanket, his fingers seemed to work magic on your clit, making you moan and whimper at the pleasure he’s causing, a tightening feeling was forming in your abdomen as it felt like the pleasure was going to boil over soon. “You… your fingers…” Your breathing was shallow as you tried to speak. “So good.” Your hands move to your head and run your fingers through your hair, gripping at it. “Aah.” His fingers disappear from your clit and slide down to your sopping hole, a finger slips inside you. “Go—“ your words get caught in your throat as you felt his finger twist and turn inside you, almost exploring your walls.

“Mhm… you feel so good around my finger.” He says. “I can’t wait to feel you when you’re wrapped around my cock.” Your walls clench around his finger at his words. “Oh, clenching around my cock as I’m buried deep inside your delicious pussy.” Your mind became clouded with pleasure as his words went towards your core causing your clit to twitch. “You like when I’m talking to you like this.”

“You… best— aah— uphold that promise— mhm— of being deep inside me.” You breathe out, moaning in between. “Ad— add anoth—OH!” You didn’t need to finish your sentence for him to know what you wanted to say, another finger slips inside you and stretches your walls.

“As you wish, angel.” He says, it almost sounded like he was out of breath from just fingering you as he spoke. “I can hear just how wet you are, listen to that.” You could hear it, the way his fingers caused your wetness to slosh around when he pumped them in and out of you, your toes curl at the sound. “Are you gonna cum for me?” You press your head into the ground, the hard and bumpiness from the ground going unnoticed as the pleasure coursed through your mind and body. “Should I add another finger?” You didn’t have any time to reply before you felt a third finger entering you, your walls stung as the stretch became more.

“Aah hm.” You whimper out, you couldn’t focus on anything around you, your eyes roll to the back of your head as you release your hair, one hand grips the blanket while the other hand fell onto the ground and gripped the straw and sand. “Taeh— yung!” His fingers stop pumping in and out of you before he suddenly curls them inside you. “GO— AAH!” The tips of his fingers coming in contact with your nerve endings inside you, your skin felt like it was set on fire from the pleasure, a tightening feeling pulled in your abdomen, you were close as the feeling became more noticeable. “I’m clo— CLOSE!” He presses his thumb against your clit and rubs the nub vigorously while he curls and extends his fingers inside you, hitting that sensitive spot over and over, your breathing became ragged as you edged closer to your high.

“Cum for me, release around my finger.” He says, it was like he was in control of your body, as soon as he said those words your orgasm hits you, your back arched from the ground as pleasure coursed through you, your mind flew into the clouds as pleasure took control of your body and actions, Taehyung watches as your jaw slacks and your lips part as a loud moan escape from your throat, he could see your entire body relax while your muscles twitched, you had no control over your body as you went through your high. “Look at you looking like an angel.” He slowly pumps his fingers in and out of you, easing you through your high, his movements stop once you lifted your head to look at him through half-lidded eyes, lust still in them.

“An angel, huh?” Your tone was low, just above a whisper, he slowly removes his fingers from your sopping hole causing your wetness to spill from your hole and leak onto the blanket.

“I think you’re ready for me, for my cock.” He says as he sits onto his knees, he grabs the box of condoms next to you and opens it.

“I have a question.” You say as you prop yourself up onto your elbows, his eyes move to your tits before slowly moving to your face. “Why do you have a box of condoms in your bag?” He could feel the heat rush up his neck to his cheeks. “Isn’t that the bag you have your lunch in?”

“I uh… um.” He stutters. “I uh… I went to visit my parents, and uh met up with a friend, and I, ahem, told him about you…” He clears his throat as he remembered the day he told his friend about you. “And he then bought me a box and placed it in this bag, I uh… ahem, just forgot to take it out.” You nod your head, a smirk forming on your lips.

“Thank goodness then, otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten this far right now.” You say, he nods his head as he removes a foil packet, he drops the box back onto the blanket and ripped the packet open, he places it at the tip of his cock, pinching the tip of the condom, you sit upright and reach for his cock only to notice that your hand was covered with straw and dusk, you quickly clean your hand using the blanket before reaching for his cock, you roll the piece of protection over his cock and looks up at him. “Lay down.” He moves away from the position between your legs and lays down on the blanket, he watches as you straddle his waist and felt the heat from your pussy near his hard cock, you could feel your wetness sliding down your thigh.

“You’re so fucking wet, I can see it sliding down your thighs.” He says as his gaze was fixed between your legs, he watches as your juices leak down onto his lower stomach. “Fucking hell, I’m gonna cum before you’re even wrapped around me.” You reach for his cock and firmly yet gently wrap your hand around it, his eyes fall shut at the touch. “Fuck.” You guide his length between your folds and lubes the piece of protection with your wetness. “I can feel how warm you are… fuck.”

“You sound so desperate to be inside me.” You say, you had to admit, you loved the sound of him being so desperate for you, the sound of him begging to be inside you. “Should I give you what you’re so desperate for?” He could feel your hand moving up and down his length. “Beg for it.”

“Please… Please put it in, I want to feel you, I want to feel you wrapped around me.” He whimpers out. “Please, please.” You guide his length to your sopping hole and pushes the tip inside it. “Oh, yes, yes, go— oh!” You release his length and lower yourself down onto him, you could feel your walls stretching and burning as you slowly take him inch by inch, until he was completely inside you, you gasp for air as you realize you had been holding it in as you had lowered down onto him, you place your hands on his ribs.

“Fucking hell…” You whisper, you could feel his length touching every part of your walls, you felt so full just sitting on his length, the head of his cock was touching your cervix. “Death by Taehyung Kim’s cock.” You breathe out causing him to chuckle which made his cock move inside you. “FUCK!” Your fingers dig into his skin.

“You’re over-exaggerating.” He says. “You feel so nice and tight around me.”

“It's because you’re so damn big!” You say, he places his hands on your hips, making sure not to hurt you. “Just… give me a minute to adjust, okay?” He nods his head and begins rubbing circling on your skin using his thumbs.

“Are you uncomfortable?” He asks as his eyes slowly lower from your face to your abdomen, he could see your chest rising up and down, he could see how stiff your stomach muscles were as you tried to adjust to him. “Relax your muscles, relax, I’ve got you, okay.”

“I’m… okay.” You softly say before taking in a deep breath, you exhale through your mouth and felt your muscles relax as you do. “Slowly.” His thumbs halt on your skin. “I’m going to start slowly.”

“Of course, you should be comfortable during this also.” He says. “I can’t be the only one receiving pleasure, you should and deserve to feel pleasure also.” You softly smile at him before lifting your hips, you could feel his cock brush along your walls as he slides out. “Good go—“ His words get caught in his throat as he felt your walls clench around him.

“Fuck, fuck.” You whisper, it felt like it took hours for him to only slip out halfway, you stop once you felt that it was only the head inside you.

“Are you all right?” He asks as he reaches up, he brushes some of your hair out of your face. “Do you want to stop?”

“No, no, hell no.” You quickly say, you had got this far, and he felt too good for you to stop now, even if It felt like he was tearing you apart. “I’m all right, I’m not stopping, not now.” You lower down onto his cock, faster than the first time, the burn you had felt before was barely noticeable now. “I’m not going to last long.” Your head hangs as you use all the strength in your legs to lift and lower yourself onto his cock, his hand drops from your cheek and goes down to your hip and held you, ready to assist you if he needed to. “I’m still so sensitive…” He could feel your walls clenching around him each time you lowered down on him, milking him for an orgasm, and he wasn’t going to last long either if you continued to clench around him.

“Just keep going, as slow as you want.” He breathes out, his breathing had become deeper from feeling your warm wet walls pulsing around him. “As fast as you want, I’m here to help you when you get tired.” You could feel the warmth from his calloused hands on your skin. “You’re doing so well, taking me so well.” Your pace speeds up, the sound of your wetness could be heard between your panting, moaning and talking.

“Fuck, I…” You pause to gasp. “I don’t know… how long— fuck— I can keep— oh, oh go— riding you.” Your legs felt shaky, like they would give out any second and that you would collapse on him without either of you reaching your high.

“I’ve to you, angel, I’ve got you.” He says, you could feel his grip slightly tightening on your hips before he used his strength to lift and lower you at a decent pace, pleasure moving between you and him, sweat forming on your skin as his became wetter from it, the heat from the summer air made everything around you feel extra hot, hotter than usual.

“Dear fucking gosh!” You tilt your head back as your eyes close with pleasure, you were close, the tightening feeling in your abdomen had returned, and it felt much stronger than before, your entire body felt like it was on the edge of being tipped over with pleasure.

“Keep… clenching around me— oh hm— like that and I won’t… last long.” He moans out, you slide your hand down his toned stomach, your fingers grazing over his skin. “You damn tease.” Just your touch left his skin feeling like it was on fire, you reach between your legs and placed a finger on your clit, the contact to the sensitive nub caused you to clench around his cock harder than before.

“FUCK!” You both moan out at the same time, his grip on your hips tighten and his movements falter for a moment.

“Are you trying to make me lose my mind?” He asks, his grip loosens on your hips before lifting you up and lowering you down onto his length again, he repeats the movement, the pace slowly picking up. “Are you close?” You nod your head, you lift your head and looked down at him, looking completely fucked out.

“Yes.” You breathe out, he could see and feel it, your muscles were twitching and contracting while your walls clenched around his cock as you rubbed your clit, he was close, and he wasn’t sure if he would last much longer, he thrusts upward. “FUCK, TAEHYUNG!” You didn’t even hear the horses moving around as they got startled by your scream, right now you didn’t care if you had heard, you just wanted to reach your high, his cock hits your cervix and brushed along the most sensitive spot inside you, you took your clit between your fingers.

“[Y/n], FUCK!” Your name fell from his lips loudly as his high suddenly hits him, a burst of energy runs through his cock as he fills the condom with his cum, his energy quickly drains from him, but he wasn’t giving up until you would cum as well, you could feel his hands loosening their grip on your hips and by the facial expression on his face, you knew he had reached his high.

“Do I feel that good?” You ask. “Fuck, it must feel that good if you couldn’t hold it back any longer.” Using your last bit of strength and energy, you lift and lower your hips, rolling them into his, you pinch your sensitive nub which caused the tension in your abdomen to snap, your toes curl in pleasure as your body begins shaking with it. “TAEHYUNG!” The moan was so loud he had barely heard it as he was coming down from his high, your mind fell blank and your hand falls away from your pussy, Taehyung moves one of his hand between your legs and took over, he rubs your clit to ease you through your high, your hair stuck to your forehead and neck from the sweat that had formed on your skin, you open your eyes to look down at him, your chest rising up and down.

“How is it possible that you can look so good while being fucked out?” He asks, you could only chuckle before you lifted yourself from his cock that was starting to grow limp, you climb off of him and sit down on the blanket next to him, he sits upright and removes the condom and ties it, he places a hand on your lower back and slowly rubbed soft circles on your skin. “Are you okay?” You nod your head. “Any discomfort?”

“I’ll probably feel it tomorrow if there is any discomfort.” You say as you turn your head to look at him, you would feel it in your legs the most tomorrow, you could already tell that they were going to be stiff. “How about you, are you okay?” He nods his head.

“Yes, I’m more than okay.” He says. “Are you feeling any discomfort right now?” He was concerned, you had told him several times how big he was, yet you took him so well, but he wanted to be sure, no, he needed to be sure.

“Nothing, no discomfort at all.” You say, you had grown accustomed to his size, but you knew that if this was going to happen again, he would have to stretch you again before you would be able to take him. “That was…” You had to think for a moment, you weren’t sure if the word existed that you wanted to use to describe it. “Wonderful, more than wonderful, I’m not sure how to describe it.”


“It was wonderful.” He says. “No words can explain what I’m feeling right now.” You nod your head agreeing with him, you take in a deep breath before reaching for your shirt.

“I should go take a shower.” You say while pulling your shirt on. “And you should do the same.” He softly chuckles and nods his head before standing up, you glance at your panties before looking up at him. “Keep my panties safe, if you dare show it to anyone…”

“Why would I want to show anyone?” He asks as he hands you your pants. “It’ll be our secret.” You slightly falter at the word secret, did he want to keep you a secret or what had been done in the barn a secret? You stood from the blanket and took your pans from him and pulled them on.

“Yeah.” You mumble, trying to keep your tone even and not give away that was something was wrong. “Our secret.” You pull at your shirt before looking around, you pick up your bra and looks at him as he pulled his jeans on. “I uh, I’ll see you later.” You quickly exit the stables and made your way back to your house, you step inside and goes to your bedroom, quickly discarding your clothes again and tossing them into the laundry basket as you enter the bathroom, your thoughts were moving a million miles an hour.

‘Did he not want it to happen again? Was he embarrassed it had happened? Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way… maybe he had something else in mind… not what I had in mind, why is liking someone so damn hard?’

You stood underneath the water watching it hit your skin before sliding down and hitting the tiled shower floor, you didn’t move, you felt too drained from your thoughts consuming you, but you willed yourself to do it, you had to clean yourself after what happened in the stables.

“Wait… in the stables!” You suddenly say as your eyes widen, you would be taking somebody to that same place tomorrow for them to examine your horses. “Oh no… no.” You bring your hands up to your face. “Shit, shit.” That thought had given you the energy you needed to wash yourself, you needed to get clean and go think about things clearly, ‘They’d never know what you and Taehyung did there… right?’ “Hmph.” You huff as you step out of the shower after washing away the sweat, dirt along with the reminder of what you had done just moments ago, however, the tingles on your skin remained, where he had touched you remained, it was almost like it was embedded into your skin. “Stop it, stop it, stop it right now, we need to focus… Tomorrow… Oh, gosh.”

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You nervously guide the woman to the stables with a nervous smile on your lips, the only thing on your mind was Taehyung’s hands on your body, you enter the stables and your eyes immediately goes to the spot where it had happened only to find the spot empty, no blanket insight and his bag were hanging on a hook on the wall, he was on the other side of the stables, working with one of the ponies.

“These three are currently the only ones that I’m willing to sell, to a good home of course.” You say as you stop in front of the stalls. “They’re young and well-trained.” You explain to the woman, she carefully looks at the three horses. “If it’s for a child, then this one would be best. “ You say as you move towards the middle stall. “She’s a sweetheart and doesn’t seem to mind sudden outbursts if a child screams or becomes loud.” She nods her head, listening intently as you explained. “If you’re looking for a horse that you can ride in competition, then this one will be the best option.” You turn to the third stall. “But I can’t promise that he’s fast, but I do know that he’s good with his jumps.”

“And this one?” She asks, you move to the first stall and looks at the horse before turning to the woman.

“He's a little bit older and gets startled by any kind of screaming, I don’t recommend that he’s put near anyone that’s loud or screams often.” You explain. “But he’s a good runner and jumper.” She nods her head. “But I can’t confidently say that you can take him to a competition because of all the loud noises and things that could scare him, I recommend him for someone that just wants to go on a calm ride around their place.”

“You have some large stalls for them.” The woman states as she looks at the sizes of the stalls, each horse had a space large enough for them to walk around and lay down.

“How would you feel if you only had enough space to stand and turn around in?” You ask. “These beautiful animals deserve space, lots of it to move around and feel comfortable enough in it.” The woman nods her head.

“You seem to be the only person for miles that actually care about her animals.” She says. “I’ve been to five other places and each stall was just too small.” You frown hearing that, you knew people were cruel, but always hearing about it angered you. “I’m going to go think about it, but I think I’ll take this one.” The woman moves to the first stall. “This one would be perfect, I just want to go on peaceful rides and admire the scenery when the sun rises or sets.” You nod your head.

“Would you like a closer look?” You ask, the woman nods her head, you open the stall door and enter it. “Come on in.” The woman carefully enters the stall while looking around cautiously before relaxing and moving towards the chestnut coloured horse. “Did someone recommend my farm to you?”

“Yes.” She says. “Someone had bought a horse from you and told me how thorough you are.” You nod your head. “And I completely understand that you have to be thorough, you need to be sure that you’re selling your animals to the right person, into a good environment for them.”

“I’m glad you understand that.” You say. “So if you’re considering buying him, I will be making a trip to your home to be sure.” The woman nods her head.

“I understand.” She says. “I do think I will take him though, but I first need to build and set up a proper place for him to stay in.” You nod your head while rubbing along the horse’s neck, the woman carefully touches the horse before rubbing down his back. “I will let you know when it’s finished, but I need to go think carefully about buying him, it’s a big financial decision.”

“Of course.” You say. “It’s a big decision and a big responsibility as well, so take your time.” You glance towards Taehyung as he guides the pony back to its stall.

“Thank you.” The woman says as you exit the stall, you close the stall door and begin leading the woman out of the stables, you could feel eyes on you, you glance over your shoulder and saw Taehyung looking at you as he rubbed the pony’s head, you look away as you exit the stables and follow the woman to her car. “I will be in contact with you soon.”

“I look forward to hearing from you.” You say, the woman climbs into her car and starts the engine before rolling the window down.

“Thank you for taking the time to show them to me.” She says. “Have a wonderful day.”

“Have a wonderful day too.” You say and watch the woman drive off, leaving your farm, you turn around and look at the stables before going the opposite way to Waffles’s pen to go and talk to him and watch him play, you lean against the gate and watch him run around and jump up and down from the seesaw that was installed for him. “Maybe I should just go talk to him about it…” It had been eating away at your mind since you had left the stables yesterday, you had given yourself a headache from all the thinking and possible scenarios. “Dammit, I should just go talk to him… get it out and clear everything up.” The only response that you got was a loud ‘baaah’ from Waffles as he ran around, making you chuckle. “I’ll bring you some treats tomorrow when I come and visit you.”

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A few more days passed before you finally decided it was time to talk to him about what he had said, you approach the stables and step inside the building and saw him using a pitchfork to gather all the hay and straw, sweat already coated his honey-toned skin from the heat inside the stables and the summer sun beating down on earth, you had to fight the urge to bite your bottom lip, you make your way up to him, nervously biting the inside of your cheek.

“Do you want to go for a ride?” You ask as you stop behind him, he turns around to face you. “We need to talk so it would be nice if you want to go for one.” He puts the pitchfork to the side.

“I think so also.” He says. “It feels like you’ve been avoiding me ever since we had sex over there.” He points to the spot where it had happened, you don’t bother turning to look at the spot. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Let’s go on a ride first then we’ll talk.” You say. “We’re going to the meadow, and then we’ll talk there.” He only nods his head as he goes and retrieves a horse for himself from one of the stalls, you do the same before going into the small shed inside the stables and retrieved the equipment you would need, you saddle up before returning to the shed and picking up a rolled-up blanket, you return to the horse and attach the blanket to the saddle, you lead the horse out of the stables and climbs on and wait for Taehyung to join you outside, it only took another minute before he leads the other horse outside and climbed on, you leave the stables and rode to the meadow, neither of you saying a word to each other.

You arrive at the meadow and climb off your horse and leads him to a large tree and ties the reins to a branch near the water underneath the shades, you take the blanket you had brought along and walk down the stream, Taehyung ties the other horse’s reins to another branch near your horse before following behind you, you stop underneath another large tree and throws the blanket open before taking a seat on it, he sits down next to you, and you look over at the stream, at the rippling water as it flows to its final destination.

“Are you going to tell me what I did wrong?” He asks while staring at you, you turn your body to face him. “I mean… I thought you felt the same way.” You meet his eyes, his searching yours for answers. “Or was I wrong?”

“What do…. You said after we finished…” You begin only to stop to take in a deep breath. “That it would be our secret.” You glance to the side to look at the water. “And that hurt me when you said that.” You look back at him. “This talk is long overdue, I should have spoken o you as soon as you said it, but…” You trail off.

“But?” He asks wanting to know what stopped you from talking to him about how you felt.

“I wasn’t sure what you meant by, that it will be our secret.” You say. “What we did in the stables or us…?” You think carefully about your next words. “What are we after that?” Taehyung turns his body to face you. “Because over the past year and months I’ve developed deep feelings for you, I like you, and I’m certain about that, but after what you said…” He leans closer and brings one of his hands to your cheek, carefully caressing it.

“Hey, Hey, I get it now.” He softly says. “When I said it would be our secret, I meant what had happened in the stables, what we did would stay between us, but us… I like you very much.” It felt like your heart fluttered and butterflies almost formed in the pit of your stomach, your body froze at his words. “So I became concerned when you started to avoid me, if I had known that, that was the cause…” He softly chuckles while shaking his head. “I would have approached you sooner, so we could have talked it out.” His fingers move into your hair, pushing them out of your face. “I could have done this sooner.” He leans closer,  your eyes fall shut as his lips touch yours, you lean into the kiss, tasting his lips, his forehead touches yours, and you begin smiling into the kiss as you feel the heat from him, you move one hand to his shirt and curl your fingers around the fabric, holding onto him as if he would disappear right in front of you, afraid that you were dreaming about his confession, but the way his lips felt against yours, you were certain that it wasn’t a dream.

You break the kiss, breathing hard as your eyes remain shut, taking a moment to appreciate each other’s presence, the surrounding sound was the leaves moving and the water stream following not far from you along with birds chirping in a nearby tree, the coolness from the wind blew against you, ensuring you that you were awake, and it wasn’t a dream.

“So will you keep coming to see me every day now?” He whispers, his lips almost touching yours, that was how close you were still to him. “I missed you in the stables.” You open your eyes and saw his dark brown eyes staring into yours. “Or are you going to make me wait longer before you drop by again?” You slightly lean away from him.

“I really thought that you didn’t feel the same way.” You say as you release his shirt, you press your hand flat against his chest.

“I feel the exact same way.” He says while leaning closer, he uses his other hand to guide you to lay back on the blanket, your eyes never leaving his as he leans over you. “I’ve felt like that for months now, and finally was able to act on it a week ago.” His hand on your cheek softly moves through your hair, his fingers brushing through the locks, he repeats the movement. “I want to keep confessing it over and over to be sure that you will show up at the stables every day without a worry.” His hand moves back to your cheek, his thumb gently brush over your cheek as he leans closer. “I want you.” His eyes flicker towards your lips before he looked back into your eyes. “In every single way, I want all of you, the vulnerable parts, the strong parts.” His eyes move back to your lips. “The flawless, the flawed, the perfections, the imperfections.”

“You’re becoming cheesy right now.” You mutter as you move your other hand to his shoulder, the one his chest slides up to his shoulder also. “It really sounds more like you want something else right now.” He softly chuckles and shakes his head.

“I’m just listing everything off that I want from you.” He says. “When I say that I want you, I mean that I want all of you.” He takes in a deep breath. “In every single way.” His hand that had been on your shoulder after he had guided you to lay down moves to your waist. “And I mean every single word right now.” He lowers his forehead to lean it against yours. “As long as you accept me in every single way with my flaws and my imperfections.” You nod your head as your lips part. “Do you?”

“I do.” You whisper, his lips brush over yours, the kiss feeling more intense than before, his hand on your waist rubbed soft circles on the fabric of your shirt, you start rubbing his shoulders as the kiss becomes deeper and more heated, his tongue swipes over your bottom lip before he took it between his lips and gently started sucking on it, his hand moves from your cheek to the blanket to support his weight, his other hand slider underneath your shirt and moves up along your skin leaving a burning trail behind, his hand stops on your ribcage and trace circles with his thumb, he releases your bottom lip and kiss along your jaw down your neck, stopping just above your collarbone.

“Can I?” His voice was husky as he spoke. “I need you to say it this time.” He lifts his head to look at you, you look at him with half-lidded eyes. “Am I allowed?”

“Yes, yes.” You say. “Please, yes.” Your tone almost begging him, it wasn’t that different from last time, but it felt slower and more passionate than the last time, he was making sure it was all right with you and that you were more comfortable with what he was doing, you were in control last time with some help from him when you rode him, but it seemed like he wanted to take the lead this time, his hand moves to cup your tit through your bra and squeezes it, those sculpted hands of his seemed to fit perfectly on your chest, it felt like he was giving you a massage, he could feel your breast swelling the more he massaged it, the more he played with it, he could feel the texture of the bra as he slides his hand up and down, the fabric rubs against your nipple causing it to harden and become erect, he leans down and moves his head to the side of yours.

“Do you want me to remove your shirt?” He softly asks making sure that his lips were brushing over your earlobe. “Do you want me to remove your bra and touch your tits in such a way that you might just reach your high from it?” His words made you shiver and caused your clit to twitch, he hadn’t had the chance to properly touch your chest yet, and you had no idea if he would be capable of doing that to you.

“Yes.” You breathe out, your breath hits his neck causing something to awaken inside him, you bend your leg as he moves over the other leg that was still laying extended on the blanket, his hand retreats from your shirt and moves to the hem of it, he sits on his knees, his leg between you forcing you to spread your legs wider, his other hand moves to the hem also and begins lifting it, you grip at his shoulders and pull yourself upright into a sitting position to make it easier for him to remove the fabric, your bent leg extends out into a more comfortable position, he drops the shirt next to you before his hand touched your skin and slides to your back and towards the clasp of the bra, his touch felt warm on your skin, the feathery touch of his fingers touched your skin as he fumbles with the clasp before it unhooked and sprung loose, he buries his face in the crook of your neck and place kisses along the skin as his hands rub your back. “They feel so warm…” You whisper into his ear, lips brushing over the lobe. “Your hands on my skin.” The touch felt more comforting as his hand slides up and down your back, he wanted to take his time with you.

“You deserve a comforting touch when we’re doing this, when things get heated.” He mutters into your skin just below your ear, you could feel your heart swell at his words. “To fully experience and feel everything.“ His hands move to your waist before slowly moving up your sides and under your arms before hooking his fingers around the bra straps, he slowly pulls them down your arms before moving away from your neck to completely remove the fabric, he drops it on top of your shirt next to you and leans back on his knees to get a better view you, his eyes slowly move from your eyes down to your lips down to your neck before stopping on your chest, you lean back placing your hands behind you on the blanket. “I can’t believe I didn’t get to appreciate you last time. “He leans closer before looking up at you, sweat was forming on his skin and some of his hair was starting to stick to his forehead. “But I’ll make sure to do that now.” His lips touch your collarbone before leaving a trail down to your sternum, his hands moving to the side of your chests, cupping your breast from the side. “We won’t be disturbed here right?” He suddenly stops, his lips hovering just above your left breast.

“No one knows about this place.” You say. “Except for us, we won’t be disturbed here and there’s no rush either.” That was all he needed to hear for him to part his lips and slip his tongue past them before pressing it flat against your skin, he licks a stride towards your nipple and circles his tongue around the bud causing it to harden and become erect like the right nipple, the feeling of his warm wet tongue on your skin caused bumps to form on your skin as the wind blew against it. “Shit.” His lips wrap around the bud and begin sucking on it, his tongue rubbed over it adding to the pleasure you were already feeling, you bring one hand to the back of his head and entangles your fingers into his hair, your fingers rub his scalp as he sucks on your nipple, your lips part as you heavily breathe out. “Gosh… how… how can you… it feels so good.” His fingers knead into the side of your breasts. “How is… is this…” You take in a deep breath. “Possible.” You breathe out. “How can it feel this good…” Your eyes fall shut and your senses take over.

Your fingers continue to rub his scalp while pushing his head closer to your chest, hoping for more pleasure, hoping to feel more, but he resisted it, his nose was already brushing over your skin and the sound of his breathing against your skin reached your ears, he releases your nipple and your grip on the back of his head loosens, he pulls away from the bud and your eyes fly open to watch him, you saw a silver string of saliva glint in the light as he moves away from you before it disappeared, his fingers keep kneading into the side of your chest, feeling the soft flesh underneath his touch, he looks at the swollen and erect bud before he leans closer again and kisses the sternum, you lay back and watch him as his head moves from your sternum to your ribs before moving over your stomach, his lips move over your exposed skin, kissing over some of your faded scars and the ones that were still noticeable.

“I hope I can catch you each time you fall.” He says as he looks up at you, your chest rose up and down from your breathing. “I don’t like seeing you hurt or too many of these.” His fingers trace over some of the faded scars, he had learned how clumsy you were over the past year he has worked for you, he had the shock of his life when it happened the first time, he had freaked out as soon as he saw you on the ground, but as the months passed he quickly learned to move everything out of the way that could be in the way, and if it did happen, he would immediately be by your side to offer help. “And if I can’t, I’m sorry.” You begin shaking as you laugh, both your hands move to cover your face.

“I’m— haha— I’m sorry— haha.” You manage to get out between laughter. “I don’t— haha— don’t know what to— haha— to say.” You move your hands away from your face. “Gosh, you don’t have to— haha.” He couldn’t help but laugh along, he lowers his head down against your stomach, the vibrations from his laughing tickling your stomach. “Oh my— haha.” He lifts his head to look at you, you move your hands to cup his face, your laughter slowly dying down. “You don’t have to catch me, at least not every time.” Your thumbs gently rub circles on his cheeks. “I need to see if you can help clean any wounds if I get some.”  His hands move to cover yours and gently moves them away from his face.

“I’ll try my best, but I can’t promise anything.” He says before kissing your knuckles on both hands, he releases your hands and moves his leg away from between yours and sits on his knees next to you, his hands goes down to your pants along with his gaze, he quickly unbuttons and unzips it before reaching for the band, his fingers curl around it. “Lift your hips a little for me.” You bend your knees and press your heels into the ground, you lift your hips high enough for him to remove your pants, you lower your hips once they reach your knees and extend your legs allowing him to remove your pants, he stops at your ankles and quickly removes your shoes and socks before discarding your pants, he places his hands on your ankle and slowly slides his hands upwards, making sure to move his hands over each part of your leg to feel all of you, his hands reach the back of your knee and stops. “Can I?” His thumbs circled the skin on the side of your knee with a feathery touch.

“Yes.” You say as you keep your eyes on him. “You keep asking me today, is there a reason?”

“I want to be sure that you want this.” He says. “Want me to do this.” One hand moves up the side of your thigh while the other one stayed in place behind your knee. “Last time felt almost rushed, I want to take my time today.” His hand moves to the top of your thigh before moving to the inside, his palm lifts from your skin and his fingers graze over your skin before reaching your panties, his fingers trace over the panties along your folds, excitement rushes through you at his touch, you could feel yourself growing wetter at the feathery touch tracing your pussy. “Your panties are already soaked.” You felt yourself becoming wet when he was sucking on your nipple, kneading the side of your chest, you only had sex once, and it already seemed like he had your body figured out, where to touch when to touch, and how to touch.

“Aah.” You breathe out at the sensation, you couldn’t describe the feeling that you were experiencing with his fingers tracing over your panties, you could feel the trace of his finger moving up and down and from side to side, purposely brushing over the inside of your thighs. “If I didn’t want this then I wouldn’t be here.” Your skin felt flushed with heat, he moves your panties to the side and slides his fingers up and down your folds. “Tae…”

“I like it when you say my name like that.” He says and slips the tips of his fingers between your folds, he strokes along your soaked folds coating his fingers with your wetness. “Let’s get rid of these, they’re just in the way now.” He moves his fingers away from your wetness and moves his hands to the band of your panties, his fingers curl around the elastic. “Lift.” You bend your knees once again and lift your hips slightly before lowering them down when he had pulled the panties down to your knees, you extend your legs as you felt his knuckles brush along your legs before he removed the piece of soaked fabric, he drops it on the pile of clothes forming next to you on the blanket, his hand immediately going to your mound and moves his fingers back to your folds.

“Hm.” You hum at the feeling forming in your abdomen, it felt like everything moved to the centre of your stomach and formed a knot of ecstasy, his fingers slip past your folds and move towards your sensitive nub that was begging to be touched and paid attention to, his fingers part as he nears the nub and slides them past the nub only rubbing the sides of it. “Oh.” He trails his fingers along your folds before moving them back to your clit, watching your reaction as he slides them over your nub. “Shit…” You could feel your breathing becoming heavier at his touch, his fingers seemed to reach every part of your folds as he strokes them, barely giving your clit attention.

“You’re going to be a sopping mess before I'm even inside you, angel.” He says while rubbing around your clit, only brushing the sides of it making it swell.

“Touch it, touch it, don’t tease me.” You say becoming frustrated, his fingers pressed against your clit. “OOH!” A loud gasp escapes from your lips and your back arches from the ground before lowering back down. “Fuck that felt good.” He rubs your clit, heat spreads through your body and a thin layer of sweat forms on your skin. “Don’t— oh— stop.” His other hand slides over your thigh and presses down on the skin, he takes your clit between his forefinger and thumb and gently rolls the nub between his fingers. “Fuck… Tae.” Pleasure courses through you, a tension slowly forms in your abdomen as he continues to roll the nub between the pads of his fingers.

“Keep moaning my name like that, angel.” He says. “You sound so beautiful when you moan my name.” He moves between your legs and leans down, he places a kiss on the inside of your thigh as he releases your clit, you let out a sigh before your body tensed when you felt a finger slip inside your sopping hole, he curls his finger and slightly twists it.

“Taehyung!” You loudly say his name as you felt his finger rub against your walls. “Shit.” He extends his finger and pulls it out halfway, the sound of your wetness reaches your ears before feeling the wind blow against your soaked pussy, you shiver with pleasure at the feeling, your toes curling for a second before uncurling, your hands move to the blanket and grip it between your fingers.

“Relax your muscles.” His voice was soft as he spoke. “It’ll feel better when you relax into it.” You take in a deep breath before releasing it, relaxing your muscles, you feel another finger slip into you. “That’s better, angel.” He turns his fingers inside you. “Tell me when I do something you’re not comfortable with.” He spreads his fingers inside you, using a scissoring motion to stretch your walls, he turns and twists his fingers inside you.

“TAE!” You scream as his fingers brush over the most sensitive spot inside you, your toes curl in pleasure as he continued twisting and turning them inside you. “Tae… Tae…” You could feel the tension become tighter and tighter, your legs starting to shake as your high approaches.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” He asks as he adds a third finger, he pumps them in and out of you, his other hand slides from your thigh to your mound and covers it before he slipped his thumb down to your clit, circling it before rubbing the sensitive nub.

“Oh… aah… Tae… Tae.” You whimper out, his fingers continuously brush against that spot inside you. “Tae… Tae.” You could feel the blanket starting to stick to your back from all the sweat as your body starts to shake with pleasure. “Close… I’m close.” You manage to whimper out, it felt like you were about to burst with pleasure. “Fuck… Taehyung.” He curls his fingers inside you and presses his thumb against your clit. “TAE!” Your mind becomes clouded with lust as your eyes fall shut,  stars appearing behind your eyelids as the tension exploded inside you and pleasure washes over you, your muscles twitching as you release around his finger.

“So damn beautiful.” He mutters to himself, you couldn’t hear a word from him during your high, his fingers slowly pumps in and out of you, his thumb circles around your clit easing you through your high, your eyes slowly open, still in a daze you stare up at the branches above you, his fingers slips out from you as he still watches you as your senses slowly return to you, his eyes move down to your soaked hole and saw your wetness leaking from it. “I can’t wait to fill you with my cock again, to feel you wrapped around me again.” He moves onto his knees and reaches for the buttons on his shirt, you quickly sit upright and reach for them.

“Let me…” You say as you look at him, he lifts his head and meets your eyes, they were darker than usual. “I want to undress you.” Your hands quickly undo the buttons on his button-up, your knuckles brushing against his skin every few seconds, you reach up and grip the fabric near the collar and pulls it down his shoulders revealing his tones chest and honeyed skin, you discard the shirt and drops it on top of your pile of clothes, you place your hands on his shoulders and slides them down his chest and stomach, Taehyung felt a shiver run up his spine from your touch, your hands stop at his jeans and begin fiddling with the button, you pop it open and move to the zipper, clearly seeing the tent that was forming, or trying to form in his jeans, he lifts his hips, and you pull his jeans down, your eyes watch as the bulge becomes larger after being freed from the jeans, he moves away from between your legs and sits down next to you, you watch as he quickly gets rid of his shoes and socks before removing his jeans and underwear.

“Fuck.” He mutters as he wraps a hand around himself. “Fuck, I didn’t bring any protection.” You move closer to him and wrap your hand around his cock below his hand, his lips parts, and he lets out a sigh of relief at your touch. “Shit.” His hand falls away from his cock, and you begin moving your hand up and down his length, remembering the feeling from the last time, the veins on his cock felt familiar underneath your touch.

“It’s okay.” You say as you stared at the head of his cock, clear liquid leaking from it and coating the tip, you swipe your thumb over the head.

“Aah.” He gasps from the sensation of your finger moving over the sensitive tip, you move your hand up and down collecting the clear liquid and spreading it over his length. “What do you…” He stops as he sucks in a deep breath. “Mean that it’s okay?” His mind was flooded with lust, but he needed to know what you meant, you lean closer to him, your lips reaching his earlobe.

“Cum inside me.” You whisper into his ear, your lips brushing over his lobe, his eyes widen, and he swallows. “And yes I’m sure.” You twist your hand around his length, his jaw slacks before he licks his bottom lip.

“Lay down.” He says in what sounded like a demanding tone, you release his cock and lays back, he moves to hover over you and reaches for his cock, his hand wraps around his member and guides himself to your soaking heat, he coats himself with your wetness, making sure to rub the head over your clit. “Fuck… so good.” He moves his cock to your entrance and inserts the tip inside you, you spread your legs wide before hooking your ankles together behind his back, your lips part and your eyes squeeze shut as you feel his cock stretch and fills you.

“Ooh— Aah.” You gasp and throw your arms around him, your hands rests on his shoulder blades, your fingers slightly digging into his skin, he leans down pressing his chest against yours and his lips brush over yours, capturing your soft moans and whimpers in his mouth, you squeeze your legs around him as you tried to close them from the pleasure, his hands were firmly pressed into the ground below your arms as he sinks into you as deep as the position would allow him, he comes to a halt when his pubic bone touches your mound, he breaks the kiss and lays his forehead against yours, you slowly open your eyes to look into his.

“This position isn’t working for me.” He mutters, you could feel that he wasn’t fully inside you like he was when you were riding him. “Hold on tight, unhook your ankles.” Your hands clasp behind his head as he shifts his weight to his knees, his hands move to your waist and firmly grips onto your hips as he moves his head away from yours, you unhook your ankles from around his waist and turns you over letting you be on top, his cock sinks deeper into you before he sits upright.

“HOLY FUCK!” You moan loudly as you feel his pubic bone rub against your clit and feel him slip in deeper. “Oh, my fucking… fuck.” His hands stay on your hips, his head moves to the crook of your neck as neither of you moves, he could feel your walls lightly pulsing around his cock.

“I’m going to be ruined before we even get started properly.” He says into your skin, you unclasp your hands and move one hand into his hair to hold the back of his head. “Are you… comfortable?” His mind was going completely crazy with you wrapped around him, you begin rocking your hips into his, causing his pubic bone to stimulate your clit.

“Oh… ah, ah, Hm…” You whimper into his ear with each rock of your hips, you could feel his breathing becoming heavier against your neck.

“Aah… Fuck, angel… aah... [Y/n].” He whimpers into your skin, the muscles in his thighs contracting underneath you. “Angel…” His moans sounded so beautiful to listen to as you rocked your hips into his, your grip tightens in his hair from the pleasure.

“Tae… Mhm.” You moan as you tilt your head slightly back, your eyes closing in bliss, one of his arms wrap around your waist and pulls you closer to him. “Tae… Tae.” Your moans became more breathy as you rolled your hips, your other hand presses against his back, your fingers digging into his skin, he lifts his head from your neck and brushes his lips over your earlobe.

“[Y/n]… oh… aah, hm.” He whimpers into your ear, you could feel your clit twitch at the sound of him whimpering your name, whimpering into your ear because of you. “You feel so good around me, taking me so well, angel.” He was whispering into your ear, grunt in between his words, he moves his head away from your ear, you lower your head and lays your forehead against his, you open your eyes to look into his, the intimacy growing between you.

“Shit… Tae… Taehyung.” You moan, tension building up in your abdomen, the sound of your wetness moving reached your ears, you could barely hear the sound of the water flowing, the wind blowing against your sweat-covered skin did nothing to cool it down, it felt like fire was coursing through your veins, your breathing was almost in-sync with his as you gazed into each other’s eyes.

“[Y/n]… fuck… I’m close.” He mutters, you could feel his cock twitch inside you. “I’m close… you feel so good.” Your walls clench around him at the thought of him releasing inside you, and at the sound of your name falling from his lips. “[Y/n]…”

“Taehyung... Tae, OH!” You moan as you feel him turning you over again, your back touches the blanket and your hand releases the back of his head as both your hands move to the blanket, he moves his away from your forehead and moves onto his knees, he hooks the back of your knees with his elbows and lifts your legs, almost pressing them into your torso, he snaps his hips into you. “TAE, OH FUCK, TAE!” He continues to roll his hips into yours, his arm moves around your leg as he moves his hand to your abdomen before moving it lower.

“You feel so good angel… are you close?” He asks, his cock twitches inside you as your walls squeeze around him, his hand reaches your clit and begins rubbing the sensitive nub.

“Tae… Tae… fuck… close.” You whimper out, he could feel your body shaking as he rolled his hips into you, your eyes shut as the tension suddenly snaps inside you, fireworks seem to go off behind your lids as pleasure washes over you. “TAEHYUNG!” He could feel you releasing around him, the feeling of your release surround him became too much, he thrust into you one more time and felt a burst of energy in his cock before he reaches his high and released inside you.

“[Y/N]!” His moan was loud as pleasure bursts through him, his mind was clouded with pleasure as he gently rocks his hips into you to ride out your orgasms, his fingers halt on your clit before lowering your legs and unhooks his arms from them, his cock slips out from you causing the mixtures of your orgasms to leak from you. “Fuck.” He moves away from between your legs and lays down on the blanket next to you, both of you breathing hard as your senses slowly return to you, as you slowly come down from the high you just experienced.

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━

Another year almost passes since that moment in the meadow happened, and you’ve only grown closer and closer to him, every other night he could be over for dinner and help out as much as he could with the preparation, but he had proved that he was better with horses than in the kitchen, which was not a problem, because he made up for his lack of cooking by making the best-tasting tea for you to drink, usually during or after dinner when you would be sitting on the couch enjoying each other’s company or watching television.

Just like right now, nightfall had covered the sky and twinkling stars covered the darkened night sky, the TV was playing some movie, but neither of you was paying attention to it, Terry and Yeontan were on the couch with you and Taehyung while Pizzie was laying on the floor next to the couch, fast asleep, they had played in the water all day and had tired themselves out from all the playing.

“I’m going to go make us some tea.” He says as he turns his head to look at you, he lifts your hand that he was holding and brings it to his lips and kisses your knuckles. “I love you.” The words fall from his lips, your body freezes at those three words, those words that were so endlessly tossed around by countless people, you had hoped that one day when someone did say those words to you that they would mean it and not just say it because they wanted to, or because they thought you wanted to hear them, but now hearing them come from him after almost three years of knowing and getting to know him more, your heart fluttered, and it felt like the air in your lungs disappeared, your lips part as you try to get your brain to work again to respond to him, ‘Had he meant it? Or did he just say it because he felt like he needed to?’ So many questions ran through your mind, you wanted him to mean those words, to be sure that he does love you, before you could even ask him anything, he answered you as if reading your mind.

“I mean it.” He says. “I’m not saying it because I feel like I should, or I feel like it’s time, I’m saying it because…” He leans closer to you. “I love you, and I don’t expect you to say it back right away, if you still need more time to say it, take all the time you need if you want to be sure, but I’m certain.” You slowly nod your head and suck in a deep breath, realizing you had been holding it. “The tea isn’t going to make itself.” He stood from the couch and makes his way to the kitchen Yeontan jumps off the couch to follow him.

“If you’re sure about your feelings.” You say while standing up from the couch, he stops in his step and turns to you, you walk up to him and take hold of his hands. “I promised myself that I would only say those words if I mean them… and if I’m sure that the other person feels the same.”

“I don’t expect you to say it back.” He says. “It should come natural, so when you’re ready to say it… I’ll wait no matter how long, I will wait for you forever, [Y/n].”

[foxghost]

This week’s danmei rec(s) is a double dose of sugar

Because entertainment industry scandals and how to dig yourself out of them, right?

Two books, both: showbiz, scandals leading to getting engaged/married to someone of the same sex they didn’t know, mild D/s, no angst between MC/ML, no car accidents or similar life/death situations, no breakups. All candy no razor blades. Both are on Changpei, neither censored. (check the long reviews if you ever see the word 略/abridged)

Rec #1: 有名 Famous by 木更木更/靜水邊 Mu Geng Mu Geng/Jing Shui Bian, 250k, rated E, HE. New; the last of the extras were posted in May 2021, I think. Showbiz, best actor (movies) x best actor (TV drama), fake dating, control freak x under too much pressure leading to psychosomatic erectile dysfunction, borderline D/s relationship, though it's not really said out loud. Both leads are in their 30's.

Xu Jingzhe and Liang Yu both got caught on camera leaving a hotel at night where a group sex party was taking place, and their managers decide that the best way to get rid of this scandal is to pretend they were dating each other in secret — for the past 3 years, in fact. Contracts are signed for the next 3 years, they move in together, and soon enough, their secrets are out to each other. Well, Xu Jingzhe's at least. He went to the hotel to see his psychiatrist about his ED.

I'm not going to tell you Liang Yu's, since that's revealed much later in the book, I’m only going to warn you that it may be upsetting, in a "rural villages are seriously backwards about women" way, though it's hinted at pretty early in the book. It’s part of Liang Yu’s past, but don’t worry, he’s the good guy. Liang Yu's issues are also pretty obvious from the get-go — he's extremely controlling, but Xu Jingzhe kind of enjoys being controlled. In Liang Yu's sister's words, "my brother's not really normal when he gets serious about someone" "but if you ask me neither is Xu Jingzhe, nobody who can put up with my brother this long is normal"

The rest though, is pure sugar. It's meant to simulate RPF sugar high, omg their love is real! omg our CP's getting married! *Intense side-character fangirling in the background* And their joy is infectious.

就像劉導說的，許驚蟄是脆弱的，孤獨的，那不是他故意表現出來的樣子，而是他的氣質裡就帶著這些。 Just like how Director Liao’s put it, Xu Jingzhe is fragile, is lonesome; it is not an image he intentionally puts on, but intrinsic to how he is as a person.

 沒有所謂限定時期的少年感，更不存在上了年紀後的油膩，他永遠都是單一麥芽發酵後倒出來的第一捧酒花，乾淨又馥郁。 He doesn’t have a so-called limited time only youthful air, and less likely to possess the suaveness that a man gets when he’s older; he will always be the first handful of hops after single malt ferments, both clean and fragrant.

(Mu Geng Mu Geng has definitely improved since Rainbow Amber is what I’m saying, but that one’s good too)

I love the frog in boiling water style slowburn, and the subtle ways they start to fall in love with each other. Recommended with some reservations only bc some descriptions of past events may be upsetting.

Rec #2:

熱搜預定 Scheduled Popular Search Query by 靠靠 Kao Kao, 286k, rated E, HE, showbiz, marriage first / love later, age difference, slow burn, D/s. 2019 (i think)

Lu Xingwen's ex-bf, after getting caught using drugs, posts on weibo that he only started going down this path because of their abusive relationship, and attached photographs of himself covered in lash marks from their consensual D/s relationship as evidence. Lu Xingwen can prove well enough that the ex is lying, but in order to get himself off negative pop-search-query, he's going to have to something drastic, because even being known for having kinks is a bad thing when you're a star.

His manager suggests that his only option is to get married — to someone young, innocent, hard-working, and unknown. They pick Fei Ke out of the list: 21, just graduated from university of Dongming last year, top of his class; lower-middle class, step-father disabled from a car accident 1 year prior, younger half-siblings are twins, one of them has a congenital heart condition that needs surgery. Fei Ke is the breadwinner of his family and trying to dig his way out of medical debt.

Fei Ke is perfect pile of sob stories, and agrees to it for some extra money to pay off the debts, and they get engaged. Everyone on Weibo: what D-lister is this???

The rest is sugar with a dash of sour. What do you call this, sugar coated hawthorn? Anyway,  nothing drastic happens to advance the plot, they're just gradually slow burning and pretending to be in love in public until they ARE. Add a dash of CP-fans in the background cheering them on and some romantic reality TV and it's just just cotton candy by the end.

[iamnightduchess]

May I ask for your nsfw reikasa headcanons 😳 for the As you Are universe and the It’s Gotta Be you universe? 😁

Did someone ask for some N.S.F.W headcanons? *__*

ReiKasa Fic AU/Modern AUHeadcanons (R18+) #1

Hello Nonnie!

Your Ask is the most pleasant surprise this last weekend but old is gold! <3 I have no excuse for the delay other than I was cramming up all my brain power to finish Part 1 of Until Dawn. (Do check it out when you have the time!) Thank you so much for the honor! I got you fam, so please find below some seriously steamy headcanons (Content Warning: Mature Readers only!) omg i am blushing hard while I’m writing this haha

Let’s go for ReiKasa in Canonverse then the modern AU ;)

As You Are

** Contains reimagining of scenes yet to be written/published in As You Are. So some fic spoilers ahead!

In Ch.12, it was heavily implied that after consummating their marriage, Reiner & Mikasa actually got to another round of ‘lovemaking’ in the shower. When their first time had been gentle, slow and tender, the shower sex was quite the opposite. It was harder and urgent.

At this point, Reiner discovered four new things about his new wife: i) Mikasa actually loves it when he pressed her hard against the wall and took her from behind, ii) Mikasa’s weakness is her breasts *points to point i*, iii) Mikasa has a muscle kink. She came on his third deep thrust in the shower, biting hard on his forearm as she did, and iv) Mikasa’s favorite position would be standing up because of *points to point iii* She loves seeing the way his muscles protruded when they flexed to support her weight. That explains the impromptu war room sexing afterwards.

Meanwhile Mikasa discovered three new things about her new husband: i) Reiner has not even a single scar on his body due to his shifter powers when she has numerous marks on hers from long-term ODM usage & that one time when she got her ribs broken by a Titan, ii) Reiner loves the tattoo on her back and the scars on her body, and iii) Reiner’s weak spot is his nape. The moment she bites his nape, he just gets hard.

Both Mikasa & Reiner are biters. But Reiner is the ‘territorial’ one. By the next morning, Mikasa’s skin looked like she had a really severe rash on her neck and her chest. No wonder Gabi was worried. Mikasa had to wear high collared blouses for one week, even inside their shared home.

Mikasa is the first one to initiate oral sex. She is after all, a seasoned blade wielder ;D

In future chapters, the first time Reiner went down on his wife was because of yeap, jealousy & yes, his ‘territorial instinct’. Lets just say it will have something to do with Porco ‘Pussy-eater’ Galliard ;) Galliard will be making a move on his dear wife at a function and Reiner is not happy about it.

Reiner loves seeing Mikasa in a formal kimono and getting her out of it - layer by layer.

Reiner & Mikasa have a very balanced power play in the bedroom. When he’s the dominant one, she’ll be the one yielding and vice versa. This couple is bound to have angry/jealous sex somewhere down the road and things can get very ugly when it happens. But, that only happens when the balance is thrown off the scale.

Reiner actually has amazing hands made for awesome massages. In a future chapter, we’d learn that things get hot and heavy inside their private onsen at the Azumabito Residence and it all begins with a simple back rub. *winks*

-----

It’s Gotta Be You

10 Date Rule (thank you @shingeki-no-scenarios for some of this amazing ideas!)

Right before their first official date, Reiner suggested the 10 Date Rule to Mikasa, which she agreed to, as he wants to prove to her that he’s not like the other men she’s dated before, who expected sex on the first date. There was only one rule: the only physical display of affections allowed are only a chaste kiss & hand-holding. Just that.

The first 3 dates had been outside so it was very sweet and very innocent. Reiner would always end their date at her front door with a simple kiss on her forehead or her cheeks. They had a night in on the 5th date and that was when things got interesting.

5th Date - Reiner made dinner at her house and they spend the rest of the evening just cuddling on the sofa, watching a rom-com movie together. Just having his arms around her was actually enough to turn her on but Reiner was very persistent in keeping their date chaste. Mikasa just had to leave a pair of sexy lace teddy lingerie hanging at the back of her bathroom door. Reiner can’t stop himself from imagining her in that.

6th & 7th Date - Reiner had to borrow one of Bertolt’s old hoodies from college with some questionable stains on it to help him be less attractive on their consecutive home dates. Mikasa just had to be a tease by spending the rest of the evening in a pair of tiny midriff shirt and a pair of lace boxers, devouring her Green Tea Häagen-Dazs and licking the spoon clean with a loud slurp or sipping on the straw for her smoothie too fucking slow. There had been a lot of tongue action coming from her that two nights. Reiner had to imagine a naked Zeke to kill whatever potential boner he could have had. It was torture.

8th Date - They had candlelight dinner and slow danced. The grinding wasn’t helping. Oh, and that off-shoulder red dress she was wearing on purpose, he was so close to ripping it off her that night.

9th Date - Zeke came over for a visit & ended up drunk-crashing at Mikasa’s place. Reiner had to stay over to help just in case & just the mere thought of Zeke just killed whatever romantic mood they were in. Felt like they were babysitting a grown-ass baby brother.

10th Date - Reiner had bought champagne to celebrate their tenth date at his place & he actually spruced up his bedroom with rose petals and those fancy scented candles to set up the mood for their long-awaited sexy time. However, Mikasa had to sit in an emergency surgery that night and ended up sleeping in the Medical Centre’s staff room in exhaustion and totally missed their scheduled 10th date. They made up with a lunch date the next day and they definitely went to town that night at his house. They never even made it to the bedroom ;)

People just assumed that they have a frequent & super active sex life. It’s quite the opposite as they enjoy more domestic activities together like baking and home improvements. But they still maintain a weekly date night even after being engaged to each other. Reiner’s a super cuddler so he’ll be the one who initiates the little intimate gestures in public. But behind closed doors, Mikasa would be the more handsy one, which Reiner really loves.

Reiner is built like a Greek God and Mikasa made sure to ‘accidentally’ walked into the bathroom whenever he’s in the shower ;) While Reiner always made sure he’ll be in the living room when Mikasa practices her yoga routine. Just so he can plan ahead on which position he can get her in the next time they’re in the mood ;D omg that sounds more pervy than I intended

Mikasa loves to wear one of Reiner’s shirts when they’re at home together because she knows it will drive him crazy with need.

Reiner occasionally wears reading glasses at home and Mikasa gets weak in the knees when he does. She almost always like to get down and dirty while he’s wearing the glasses :)

They spent their first Christmas together with the Jeagers and Zeke almost walked in on them having a quickie in their dad’s basement.

Reiner & Mikasa would be those couples that still have a burning fire in their relationship even as they grew older. That’s also how baby Ryder was conceived unexpectedly when the twins, Rémy & Miraé just turned 10. They thought they were done having babies 8D

-------

I had super fun time working on this headcanon, Nonnie! I hope you like it 💖 Keep ‘em coming if you’d like to read more & please don’t be discouraged from sending in Asks because sometimes it’ll take a long time for me to write because of my other writing projects/RL commitments but I would always follow through :3

Thank you & take care!

xoxo

[tansypoisoning]

(Un)Conditional - Part 1

Truce

You didn’t remember how or why you found yourself in Ransom’s bed in the first place, but now, poor, pregnant and desperate, you had your reasons for putting up with him, and they weren’t noble. His reasons for staying with you weren’t noble either.

   Me  🤝  The Reader Insert     making stupid decisions

In which the reader is pregnant with Ransom’s baby and he sees that as an opportunity for personal enrichment. Big changes to the original plot, but Idk where this is going, so stay tuned for my brain farts, and I accept suggestions (Ransom redemption arc? Or should I make him even shittier? I haven’t decided yet!). I still want to have Benoit Blanc in the story somehow, because he’s my jam, my jelly, my peanut butter and my peanuts. This chapter is safe for anyone who hasn’t watched the movie but THERE WILL BE SPOILERS in the future.

 Chapter 2 - I Came Out to Have a Good Time and I’m Honestly Feeling So Attacked Right Now

Fandoms: Knives Out

Genre: *surprised Pikachu face*

Ships: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Smut, some light choking, some daddy kink, mentions of past sexual assault, talk of abortion, unhealthy relationships, Ransom is an asshole, a fuckboy and also verbally abusive tbh.

You were such an idiot.

Many were the times you had come home after terrible dates, or left parties in your friends’ arms after a guy tried to finger-bang you when you were passed out on the couch, and yet you still let your guard down around men you knew to be assholes. You could always tell; you weren’t sure whether it was thanks to familiarity ,or if you had a knack for reading people, but you still let terrible men in when you knew them to be terrible. Bad habits, hard to break, yadda yadda yadda. All that made for piss poor comfort when you looked at the five little plastics sticks in front of you.

Feet tapping against the ground and your phone held in between your cheek and shoulder, you typed on your laptop. Planned Parenthood. You should’ve done this sooner, way sooner, when you could get an IUD, or the pill, or the shot, or whatever the fuck else, instead of trusting your reliably unreliable partners and your nonexistent backbone. Birth control was expensive, but it was nowhere near as expensive as a baby, and you were going to get the same amount of help with either, which was to say, none.

No… That wasn’t quite true. Your brother and your friends would pitch in if you asked, you knew, but, as previously established, you were an idiot.

You knew there were people who loved you and would support you no matter what, but you didn’t want to burden them with your problems. This mess was on you, on you and…

Mailbox. Of course he didn’t pick up. He got what he wanted from you, and was now moving on to another woman who was equally as gullible and equally as “passable” as you. You couldn't believe his negging had worked on you, you were so fucked.

Deep breathes. It wasn’t over yet, you could fix this. The… the thing was still only two months, you could get rid of it, with a pill, even. But should you?

You tossed your phone to the side and opened another tab. Fetus two months. You clicked the first result that mentioned the development of the thing growing inside you and read the section entitled “Baby”. Internal organs already in place… wiggling and waving like mad? Distinct facial features?!

Your hands found their way to your mouth as a sob found its way past your lips. No way. This was some forced-birther propaganda, it had to be.

You left that shitty website and opened usually trustworthy Wikipedia, but it was of no help. It didn’t exactly contradict the information the other website had given you – the difference between “waving” and “twitches” was negligible to your addled brain.

You closed your laptop with a little more force than it was wise. You stood and began pacing, one hand over your face and another resting on your abdomen. It was just your luck to have your eggs dodge the sperm of every jerk you could get to pay child support, only for you to end up carrying the Antichrist – and the Devil could afford the best lawyers.

Damned be the day you let Hugh RaNsOm Drysdale in your bed without a condom, and damned be you for being so fucking stupid. You deserved whatever suffering that came from this, and you could accept them with some grace if it didn’t feel like you were dragging an innocent along with you.

You stopped and looked down at the row of pregnancy tests arranged over the bathroom counter, all of them positive. You couldn't do this. You regretted that one night of meaningless sex more than you regretted anything in your life, and maybe you’d regret your current decision even more but you couldn't do the thing you knew you should do.

You swiped all the tests into your arms and dumped them in your bag. You grabbed your keys and walked out of your pitiful apartment and into your pitiful car. You had barely enough money to take care of yourself, let alone a child. Abortion could be the best thing you could do as a mother, but…

You pushed the keys into the ignition and shook your head. You were emotional, that was all. If you just gave yourself a little more time you’d stop thinking of it as more than the parasite it actually was, but for now… For now you needed to get things straight with the sperm donor, no matter how much it could hurt, and you were under no illusions – it would hurt like a motherfucker.

You had been in Ransom’s unfairly cool house a grand total of three times. He didn’t like having you over, much preferring fucking at your house even if he turned up his nose at the building and everything inside it. Maybe he didn’t like having to disinfect his furniture every time it got into contact with your poor people germs.

Yeah, like he cleaned anything.

You parked in front of the contemporary building and made your way to the front door, ringing the bell four times because Ransom never answered when people rang only once or twice, and then another because you were filled with dread, and manic energy, and the powerful desire to punch him in his perfect face until it wasn’t quite so perfect anymore.

You waited several minutes but there was no answer. It wasn’t surprising; if he was inside you’d have seen him through one of the outrageously large windows that covered almost every wall of the house.

You sat down on the steps to the entrance and pulled out your phone. You were done with work for the day, and you weren’t sure when he would want to pick up your calls again. You could wait.

And wait you did.

It was two in the morning when Ransom’s BMW pulled up in front of the building, activating the motion sensor lights. He walked out of the car with the confidence of a man who knew he owned everything he surveyed.

Fucking dipshit.

“Wow,” he laughed, opening his arms then dropping them to his side again, lest he appear too inviting. “You want it bad.”

You started rummaging through your bag for the pregnancy test as not to waste your time with pointless conversation. That should tell him everything you wanted to say.

“Sorry, I’m not in the mood today,” he said pulling his keys from his stupid suede coat only he could make look hot “long day, you know how it is. You can suck my cock and stay over, if you want.”

He had unlocked the door and was nudging you with his foot when you found what you were looking for and got up with a jump.

You waved the stick in the air victoriously. Even though you were the one who was the worst off in this scenario, you could at least use the source of your misery to wipe the smirk off his dumb, gorgeous face.

Done and did. Once Ransom caught on, the corner of his mouth dropped, free falling. Your life had been thrown in disarray, and the medical bills, if you chose to keep the thing, would ensure you would end up homeless in a couple of months, but at least you could rejoice in the fact you had ruined his eternal party in a spectacular fashion.

“What do you want?” He snarled. “Can’t pay the abortion? How much is it?”

You recoiled as if he had just swung a knife in your direction. This was new. You’d seen him angry before, sure, but this… the curl of his lips, the look in his eyes– it had you second guessing your decision to come see him.

You struggled to find your voice for a few seconds “I don’t… I haven’t decided what I want to do yet.”

Regret pierced you through like a lance. You knew he didn’t care about you – he didn’t “do monogamy”, he never asked you about your day, it was a struggle to get him to even buy you a coffee, and he only bothered to make you come if he could use it to feed his pride somehow – but all his disinterest in your well-being was nothing compared to the loathing radiating from him, like you were a fat dying cockroach stuck to the bottom of his nice leather shoes.

There was no reason Ransom should be able to make you feel like that. He was an absolute shitheel, a trust-fund baby who had never had a job in his life, never worked to build anything, and didn’t even have the decency to be thankful to his family for all they had done for him, and you didn’t even like him (conceding that he was attractive and you were a masochist was not the same as liking), so his opinion shouldn’t matter to you, someone with a stable source of income and an ounce of moral fiber. That didn’t stop you from writhing under his gaze.

“Get in,” he said, voice devoid of anything that could be considered charming.

You entered, waiting at the side, in fear of walking past the foyer without invitation, while he locked the door behind him.

He walked by you and went right to the kitchen. You followed him with your eyes, watched him grab a glass, fill it with water and down it. He didn’t offer you anything – you figured he didn’t think you deserved it.

“You’re suggesting it’s mine.”

His words startled you from your stupor, and you shook in your spot by the entrance before answering. “I know it’s yours. I haven’t slept with anyone else in almost a year.”

“And you are saying that.”

You bristled at his insinuation. “We can get a paternity test, if you want.”

Ransom lifted his head and inhaled sharply. He paced the length of his high end, open concept, immaculate-because-it-was-never-used kitchen, then opened a drawer, pausing to look up at you, closed it, then moved to the next and repeating the process several more times, while you shifted from one foot to the other.

“Here’s the thing, honey,” he said, and the last word was said with anything but sweetness “I’ll pay for the abortion, and I’ll pay for you to have the abortion. If you’re not gonna do it, then I don’t want to see your dog face again.”

You knew Ransom didn’t like kids – he despised them, even – but you didn’t think he’d react quite this badly. You knew he would want nothing to do with it, but you still thought telling him was the right thing to do. He deserved to know at least, surely.

The feeling you got when he first turned on you that night was a sign; you shouldn’t have come.

“I’m leaving,” you whispered.

Ransom’s cheeks were red and wide, and it seemed as if he was about to argue when he slammed his hand against the counter then stomped towards you.

You shrunk in on yourself, but you needn’t have. He just unlocked the door and pulled it open, holding it for you to walk through. His breathing was heavy and his shoulders were tense, like he was holding himself back.

Once you had rallied your strength and crossed the threshold, you heard your name being called behind you. You turned to see Ransom, still glaring at you with the same awful expression. You couldn't imagine what he had to tell you that hadn’t already been said.

“If you try contacting me again, you’re fucked.”

And then he slammed the door in your face.

You made your way to your car, head hanging low. That had been a disaster, but at least he made it easier for you to choose one of the options.

Fucking dipshit.

You had been right; time had given you helped you think things over.

Three days later and you could refer to the fetus as a fetus without going down a depressive spiral, and the thought of abortion was more palatable to you. In a couple more days you were certain you’d be able to walk into Planned Parenthood with your head held high, get your pill, and walk out, facing the world and the potential crowds of angry protesters with confidence, then move on with your life, promising never to get involved with another shitty guy again. The scare would be enough to make you change your ways, you were sure.

You didn’t want a kid, at least not yet. You were young, living paycheck to paycheck, and any child you had right now would grow up without a father. You were still mulling it over but abortion seemed like the most responsible choice, and if you couldn't make the responsible choice now, you’d make for a terrible mother in the future.

A knock on the door made you look up at the clock. Fifteen past eleven. Maybe the old lady who lived across the hall from you needed help killing a bug or something. You stood, pulled the latch off and unlocked the door, not thinking much of it, and almost walked face first into a hard body you were far too familiar with.

Ransom was there, waiting for you, his face inscrutable. His chest was heaving, and some serious heat emanated from it. You had the urge to hug his waist and burrow into his warmth, but you resisted it bravely. You’d promised yourself you would stop chasing men like him, and you intended on keeping that promise.

“Ransom,” you greeted, trying to keep your voice even.

A flash of pain roamed his face, and then he was putting his hands on you, holding the side of your face in his large palms. You opened your mouth to scream, but the sound was muffled between your lips and his.

A kiss. Ransom was kissing you – and a second ago you were so sure he was paying you a visit just to beat you up.

He maneuvered you into your apartment, still cradling your cheeks with surprising gentleness. You knew you should’ve stopped him, but your feet followed his steps with such ease, and he was so fucking warm and you living room so cold.

As one of his hands slid from your face to the back of your neck, something inside you screamed. It told you to stop now or it would be too late, and you’d fall into the same old hole and not be able to crawl out of it. You surprised yourself by listening to it and pulling away, pushing on his chest to keep a good distance between you. You told yourself you were doing well, even though you were holding onto his white shirt like a lifeline and arching your body into his.

“Ransom, wha-” your words were cut off by another kiss, more heated than the previous.

He pushed you down onto your couch -  the creaky old thing he always complained about – and climbed on top of you you, forcing you both into a laying position.

When Ransom pulled away (only to immediately latch his lips to your earlobe) you made to question him before the weakest part of yourself could convince you to just let it happen. It was she who had gotten you into this mess in the first place. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” He mumbled against your skin.

“I know what you’re doing,” you huffed, twisting your body beneath him in a half-assed attempt to buck him off “You told me to never contact you again. Why are you here?”

He chuckled, a deep rumbling sound that had your very core thrumming. He removed his hands from you and pushed himself up by the forearms to look down at you. When you saw his smirk, you knew you were going to end up having sex with him no matter what he said next.

“I guess I couldn't keep away.”

And with that he went right back to his station, sucking and nibbling on the spot just behind your ear and running his hand across your waist and belly.

But what about the baby? What about whether you wanted to keep it or not? These questions were lodged in your throat, dying to burst out, but you didn’t want to to ruin this moment. You were so tired; you just wanted to be held, and Ransom was willing to do that for you, so what was the harm in giving in?

You lifted a leg and wrapped it around his thigh, and that Ransom took as acquiescence or defeat. He pulled away to lift your shirt above your breasts and wasted no time diving for them, capturing one of your nipples in his mouth and squeezing the other in between his fingers. You planted your feet on the couch and used them as leverage push your crotch upwards and rub it against his. He was a terrible person, you knew, but he could fuck you so good when he wanted to, and right now you only had the brain space to care about one of those things.

Your hips rocked in tandem with his, driving you closer to that edge you didn’t know you were yearning for until you saw him standing on your doorstep. Entangled in his arms, you remembered your older brother’s words from that night some ten years ago when you were lying on the backseat of his car, a plastic bag filled with your vomit clutched in your hands. You saw his eyes in the rear view mirror, crinkling in a smile that was equal parts amused and concerned.

A pretty boy is going to be the end of you, huh?

Ransom pushed himself into a kneeling position, removed his dark cardigan and tossed it to some forgotten corner of your living room, his shirt receiving the same treatment soon after. For someone who was so averse to working, he sure didn’t skimp on his work outs. He was built like a god, but his smile was that of the devil.

He crashed down on top of you, and his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you to him. You sunk both hands in his perfectly coiffed hair and dragged him up until you were staring into his baby blue eyes. He leaned down to kiss you, and you obliged him. His mouth devoured your own while his hands roamed your body, hungry, desperate almost. You didn’t want to be outdone, both because he was an asshole and you didn’t want to lose to him, and because you were as starved of him as he seemed to be of you, so you wrapped both legs around his waist to pull yourself even closer to him, as close as you could get.

Ransom’s hands abandoned your body in favor of his belt, unbuckling it to shove his pants just past his upper thighs. His eyes were pointed, telling you he expected you to follow his lead. You undid your buttons with heavy fingers, and allowed him to pull your bottoms all the way off. His grin grew in size and insolence when he saw your panties were soaked through.

“You do want it bad.”

Fucking dipshit.

Before you could think of something smarter to say, he was dragging your underwear to the side and spreading your folds. You certainly weren’t going to think of a comeback now, with his fingers up your cunt and your body begging for his attention. You wouldn’t be this aroused with any other man, but you already knew you suffered from a serious case of tastelessness and dumb. Most grievously, it appeared to be terminal.

Ransom stoked the fires inside you with one hand, pulling it out periodically to smear the wetness across your lower lips while he held himself aloft with the other, his usual lazy, confident smile plastered on his face. It made a sudden wave of lucidity wash over you.

What the fuck were you doing? You knew he wasn’t worth your time since the day you met him; Three days ago he had treated you like shit after you told him you were pregnant; Just a few minutes before you were determined not to get involved with him or men like him ever again. All the signs told you to stop now, push him away and tell him to get out under threat of you calling the police, and yet here you were, panting under him and dying to feel his cock stretching you. The mere promise of dick had you going back on your word like a rat, and all you did was make excuses for yourself. You were always too weak or too dumb to resist your urges, weren’t you? That’s why you never bothered trying.

“Wai-”

The air was forcibly expelled from your lungs when his cock entered you. He wasn’t gentle, and he didn’t have to be; your body was more than ready for him. The grunt that came fro you had an air of finality to it. You weren’t going to stop him now.

The screaming part of you let out one final screech, then withered and died.

Ransom panted, rolling his hips against yours. You held onto his arms and looked up at him. This was unusual. Normally he’d be pounding into you when you were this slick, and unusual with Ransom tended to mean ‘bad’.

He brought two wet fingers to your face and tapped your chin with them.

“Get me clean.”

You parted your lips and accepted the appendages into your mouth. Nothing unusual there; he’d made you taste yourself on his fingers a couple of times. He liked to watch you lick them clean, but this was different. His smile was strained and his eyes looked past you. You turned the full powerful of your best puppy impression on him, but he still seemed to be half-there half-somewhere else.

Once you had slurped all your juices and then some, Ransom moved both his hands to your arms, pressing you against the hard surface of the couch. He should’ve started fucking you already, but he only rocked his pelvis side to side, giving you just a hint of friction, nowhere near enough to satisfy you.

You whined and bucked your hips upwards. That got him out of his trance, his eyes regaining their shine and his smile splitting into a grin. There was that asshole you knew and didn’t love.

“What’s with that face?” He asked and moved one of his hands to your neck, applying pressure, not enough to compromise your breathing but enough to leave you light-headed for a different reason “You want something?”

“Ransom,” you clawed at his forearm like you could do anything if he chose to choke you.

“You gotta ask, baby. If you want daddy to fuck you, you gotta ask.”

Your fingers stilled around his arm. The daddy thing was not new either, but you didn’t think he’d bring it up under the present circumstances. Was this intentional, or was he not even aware of what he was saying? Were you wrong to think it was weird for him to say that now?

The fingers around your throat tightened, closing your airway for a moment, then releasing.

“Ask.”

You squirmed, tapping on his arm, but all that got you was another squeeze.

“Please,” you whimpered “Please, fuck me, daddy.”

Ransom’s grin grew even wider, wide enough that light reflected off his canines. He adjusted his position on his knees, and took his other hand from your arm, reaching behind your head to pull you by the hair, further exposing your neck to him.

“That’s a good girl,” he whispered against the top of your head.

He pulled his cock almost all the way out, then slammed back inside you. He pushed into you with shallow thrusts until he tapped a spot that made you gasp. Having found what he was looking for, Ransom diverted most of his attentions to hitting his target over and over again, periodically stopping to grind against it in a torturous slow pace.

You were too aroused to last much longer, and the bastard would be able to finish you off with little effort.

“You close, baby? You wanna cum?” He asked, and you nodded emphatically “Then you gotta do what daddy says. Can you do that?”

God, you’d do anything he asked of you at this point. Someone needed to tattoo ‘Sucker’ on your forehead already.

“Yes, daddy!” You cried, your words devolving into a high-pitched whine “I’ll do anything, please!”

The hand in your neck slid down across your body and delved in between your legs in search of your clit. You squealed when his fingers made contact, and whimpered when they began rubbing. You were aware of your trembling legs, but unable to do anything about them.

Ransom could always dismantle you with ease, but now more so than ever. You came in record time, with short little moans that culminated in an embarrassing howl. You were just coming down from your high when he picked up his pace, grunting and huffing above you. He gave you no warning before spilling into you, swaying back and forth and groaning as his own orgasm ebbed away. The fact that this was the least concerning thing he’d done all evening didn’t escape you.

He held you to him for a few seconds as both your breaths evened out, then rolled over, leaning against the backrest and lying you down by the outer edge of the couch. Ransom was always more tractable after sex, but he’d go back to being his dismissive self come the morning, and then you’d bitch and moan to yourself. This was a familiar dance you couldn't seem to stop repeating.

You were ready to recommence your self-pitying when Ransom spoke, interrupting the flow of your lamentations.

“I thought about what you said the other day,” he said. The pregnancy? Why would he bring that up now? “and if you want to keep it, I’ll help you.”

A tremor ran through your spine and you lost your precarious balance on the couch, falling to the carpet with a loud thud.

There was laughter – because of course there was – then Ransom was peering down at you. His lips were pressed together, as if he was still fighting to rein in his amusement.

“You… you want to help me?” You asked when you found your voice again.

He nodded. “I do.”

“You want to help me raise a kid?”

“Yeah,” he rolled his eyes “I thought that was obvious the first two times I said it.”

“You don’t like kids.”

“I like to think I would like my kids,” Ransom said, stretching across your couch like a lazy cat.

“Why?” You said, then, realizing that question was more for yourself than it was for him, you rephrased your question “What made you change your mind? Cause you seemed pretty sure when I saw you last.”

“And I was,” he agreed “I never wanted kids, and… And I was pissed,” he chuckled and shook his head “I don’t know who I was pissed at. All I know is I couldn't think straight. When I saw the pregnancy test… I don’t know, I could see my entire life crumbling.”

You could’ve asked him ‘what life?’ but decided against it.

“So, cut to a few days later, and I had this… Clarity. I realized there was nothing I could do if you wanted to keep it, and maybe,” he paused to take a deep breath “maybe I should take responsibility.”

You sat up and made a point of frowning at him. “Seriously, what happened?”

“I told you already. Just… boom – clarity.”

You knew Ransom was sharper than a first impression would lead one to believe, but self-awareness was not his forte. Could he have had a change of heart in such a short period of time? Did you believe him? You wanted to believe him.

“Do you seriously want to raise a kid with me?”

He laughed and threw his hands up in the air “How many times do I gotta say it?”

“Do you even know what that entails?”

“Hey, I babysat my cousins a couple times,” he said, picking at the foam peeking through a hole in the upholstery of your couch “I bet I’d do better than you.”

Being a parent had to be harder than watching children for a few hours, but as far as experience with children went… well, maybe he was onto something.

A palm emerged in front of you, rousing you from your thoughts.

“Truce?” Ransom asked. There was something about the way he looked at you gave you hope.

Earnest, he looked earnest.

You took his hand in yours and shook once.

“Truce.”

Part 2: I Came Out to Have a Good Time and I’m Honestly Feeling So Attacked Right Now

[tinlizziedlinwa]

Developing Sexuality, Discovering Kinks, a Spinal Injury, and Barely Beginning to Explore the Edges of the LGBTQ+ Community

Howdy, y’all.  I’m just gonna put this out there - If it’s not for you, just keep on a’scrollin’!

Now, I’ve not really explicitly spoken about my sexuality and how it’s evolved over my almost five decades of life.  So, I’m about to start, and believe me, your patience and kindness will be appreciated.  If you choose to be a close-minded, conservative, cis-asshole then I strongly suggest you leave right the fuck now.  Thank you :-)

If you want to get to know me a little bit more and talk of incontinence and sexuality doesn’t scare you, please continue!

Decade 01:  Around four years old, I have my first memories of things related to my as yet totally undeveloped sexuality.  No history of physical abuse - Don’t worry about that.  It was finding my mother’s menstrual pads.  I saw pictures of them in underwear, so I took one and put it into mine.  It felt so right and so amazing!  I don’t really know how to describe it, but it felt like I needed the whole package of them in my underwear all at once!  I got in trouble for using up a package that my mom needed and I didn’t understand why she needed them yet.  But I made my first “diaper” out of pads and tighty-whities when I was only four years old.  Since I’m gonna be using a lot of numbers, I’m gonna cheat and sacrifice the “proper way” of spelling them out if they’re ten or less.

At 5, I knew I wasn’t built right.  I had this thing I peed through that girls didn’t have.  Boys had them.  But I wasn’t supposed to be a boy!  I didn’t like it and hated the feeling of it touching my legs (still do...).  I started asking questions about things.  Now, my parents are the stereotypical Boomers, “trapped” in a loveless marriage by dependent children and their own sense of “honor.”  Dad was a Medical Corpsman who became a Physician’s Assistant (PA) after retiring, while Mom used to be a Wave (nurse) in the Navy, but became a stay-at-home Mom when she started having children. I’ve 2 brothers and 1 sister, the last of them born 10 years before me.  So, when I questioned things, Dad’s response was usually to hand me a medical book and tell me to look it up.  Mom’s response was usually, “go ask your father.”  So, there I was, a 5-year old with a head full of partially-understood terminology (at best!) and a bunch of clinical photography in anatomy and physiology books.  At least I learned the purely physical differences between boys and girls and why I was one and not the other.  This made me mad.  So. Very. Mad.  I cried a lot for a while, finding out that I would never become what I feel I was supposed to be.  But I kept reading....

When I was 6 years old, I wrote a letter to my parents explaining how I felt about my body and how it made me feel inside and how I wished I could change and be the girl I’m supposed to be and would they be ok with helping me do this some day?

It was not received well.  Not well at all.  I’ve spent the last 40 years trying to get over their reaction to it and I still hate them for their reactions with a passion.  I feel like I was truly shattered, and the glue I’ve had to use over the years to put myself back together has never been the right type and pieces of me keep falling apart.

Entering Decade 02 (10 to 20 years old):  Puberty, damn it!  None of my “researches” had even hinted at ways to stop it, and my body started changing in ways that made me very uncomfortable, but there was also this attraction I kept feeling towards some people, and I started getting erections.  Now, I knew what was happening and yes, it did feel good to play with myself, but it also felt wrong in that I should have someone entering me, not me entering them, so when I masturbated that’s what I dreamed of - being entered and feeling them expand inside me, them giving themselves up in me, losing control and exploding into me and feeling their satisfaction as my own at having been so desirable.  Cockwarming them gently back to hardness and having my own way with their body as their hands stroked my breasts and hips.... Eventually I would orgasm in real life, while dreaming my dream.

I have never had a blow-job.  Several girlfriends have attempted, but honestly that’s like the fastest way to shut me down.  It instantly kills my dream between one heart-beat and the next, causing me to feel absolutely horrible about myself and this carcass I’m trapped in.  I should be going down on you, tasting, caressing, nuzzling and lapping up your wetness as I get more and more achy and wet for you.... Sticking my dick in your mouth is absolutely the worst thing that can happen during any attempt at sexy-times for me.  I’d rather have diarrhea on a crowded school-bus.

The problem was, I had been emotionally terrorized by my parents (and now I know how they controlled my access to information...) and the area I grew up in was populated by fairly conservative folks, so I had no exposure to other ways of living and had no idea I could express my sexuality in any way other than by being masculine with it.  Ergo, I was very much in the closet, hiding my thoughts and feelings as best I knew how, and retreated from situations that might expose my inner workings. Hence, I’m an introvert who overshares o.0  Start unstacking the bricks from my walls and Watch Out!  You might get more than you bargained for :-\

Decade 03 (20 to 30 years old):  I was just positive I didn’t want kids.  Also had no clue what to do with myself, so I landed in Alaska for about a decade.  Isolated, small town, conservative folks (a church on every corner, attended at least twice a week).  Repressive.  No sex for 8 of those 10 years.  Met my (now ex-) wife up there.  Internet actually got off the ground and we bought a computer, modem, and had an AOL account!  This was around 2002′ish or so.  Yeah, I watched the twin towers fall on a tv in a bar in Alaska.  But while in Fairbanks, I discovered the old Usenet Newsgroups... and that led me straight back into my diaper-fetish which I’d almost forgotten about... omg, seeing those first photos... I can’t describe the feelings that burned in me.

Decade 04 (30 to 40 years old):  Left Alaska and moved to western Washington State.  Worked as a Medical Assistant for about 5 years, then re-invented myself as a welder when I got a Federal job.  Learning a whole new trade wasn’t easy.  Shittons of practice later I was good at it and loving my career, until a toolbag fell on my head in 2008.  It could have killed me had I been in any other position.  As it was, it hit the top of my head while my spine was almost perfectly straight up’n’down, causing a couple of discs in my neck to blow out.  One completely ruptured and the other bulged so badly it could never heal and restricted my movement (couldn’t look up or pull my chin in).  To this day I still have a smallish “shadow” on my cervical spinal nerve where the disc exploded and a “dent” where the next one down bulged out.  The doctors think that’s why I’m incontinent and really struggle to get hard-ons anymore.

Here’s the rub:  I’ve hated this body of mine forever.  I’m not supposed to get hard-ons in the first place!  I’m supposed to have breasts, hips, hair, a flat front and a curvy bottom, and you should be making passes at me, not vice versa!

So, rather than pursue medical (surgical) options to deal with the urinary and occasional fecal incontinence, I choose to wear diapers and give myself regular enemas.  This way I can kinda (mostly) control the #2 and keep it from happening in public, while I can let my bladder just run on it’s built-in autopilot (which is really random, btw).  Wearing diapers also helps me with tucking!  I can  pull the dick out, pop the balls up inside where they belong, tuck the dick as far back as I can and put my diaper on tight.  Bingo!  A flat front!  And a bit of a poofy bottom!  YES!!

Decade 05 (40 to 47′ish years old):  I’m beginning to feel slightly more confident in my sexuality, though I’m still not comfortable actually trying to seek out anyone special... but yeah - I’m an introvert by nature.  Probably need to get adopted by someone because I’m not sure I’ll ever really be brave enough to really reach out first....  But now I’m able to afford nice diapers, I’m buying women’s jeans/pants/sweaters/onesies, and I’m feeling so much better about myself when I’m able to dress up.  Keeping my chest and legs shaved helps, too.  When I look down and see long, course, curly body-hair... ugh.  Hair in the armpits and groin is what’s normal.  Chest hair?  Get it off!  Looking at myself in the mirror, I still hate many aspects of my physical self, but when I’m freshly shaved, diapered and wearing women’s jeans and a lovely pink sweatshirt or just lounging around in a cute diaper and huge sweater, I’m much more able to ignore the things I don’t like.

Lately, as I’ve begun exploring my sexuality a little more, I’ve discovered the joys of dildos.  Lemmie tell you what, guys.  A traditional male orgasm doesn’t hold a candle to what I’ve felt while playing with a good dildo.  After a good, thorough clean-out in the shower (I have a shower-attachment with multiple nozzles and use the long black rubber one), I’ve used a dildo that’s got a bit of a bend near the tip - it’s shaped like a real penis, normal size (not humongous), with a bit of a crook near the glans.  By holding the balls & suction cup in hand, it can be inserted and moved in-n-out at that perfect angle to stimulate *all* the right spots inside...  I can honestly say I’ve peed, cum, and blew that dildo across the room as my knees hit the floor and I forgot my name during the best, most intense, can’t-walk-for-a-minute whole-body orgasms I’ve ever experienced in my life.  The area between the anus and scrotum feels so very hot and heavy, like it’s going to burst, it’s not truly painful but almost close? - It’s an amazingly satisfying feeling.  I’d love to hear from you girls out there... Are my orgasms anything similar to yours?

Some day, my dream is to meet someone who can understand me, who can feel where I’m coming from, who can love me even when I’m having difficulty loving myself.  Someone who is kind to my broken soul, and who’s idea of a hot date may involve a stop at the adult toy store!

Edited on 01OCT2021:  I’m not looking for a Mommy or a Domme.  I’m an adult with adult responsibilities and concerns.  I’m looking for a partner who’s also fairly self-sufficient.  I own my own home, work full time, and being an introvert I need lots of alone time.  Someone who’s open and accepting of the fact that I’m diapered 24/7/365 and am perfectly capable of changing myself.  And she’ll understand that I don’t just wanna get her out of her jeans for sexy-times, but I also wanna try them on.

Edited again on 02OCT2021:  As I’ve just begun actually  exploring my sexuality, I’m starting to think I seem to fit into the “enby” grouping (even as I don’t like being stuffed into a box, I find myself doing just that, to myself!  Damn categories...).  I don’t know all the lingo yet and it feels like the terminology is a living thing that is always changing.  Even though I’ve always found women to be super attractive, and I also really enjoy wearing women’s clothes and have dreamed of being a woman for decades, every once in a blue moon a guy really turns me on.  I’ve got fantasies about going down on her while he enters me, his hands on my hips pulling me in as he gently thrusts, speeding up slowly as I’m getting wetter, he’s sliding in and out of me faster and faster and I’m lapping up her juices, buried in her scent, the orgasm in all of us building until we simultaneously explode.  Then, once we all have our breath back, each of us gently diapers one another.  The idea of feeling my diaper sticking to my bum as his seed dribbles out of me is really turning me on again right now!  Hearing our crinkles as we move, cuddling in a contented pile, patting bottoms all around.

Am I a “bottom?”  Is there such a thing as an independent “bottom”?  More research is needed!  

[jcmorgenstern]

oh hell yes! do 9 for jonathan/simon (vampire kink! vampire kink! vampire kink!)?

9. Bloodplay. hooo boy well. that sure happened. in spades. @elektra-natchioss​ it finally happened.

Vague setup for plot: set in COLS, Simon goes in place of Clary because the Mark of Cain can blow anyone who messes with him to shit, Jace is out on an ~errand~ when Simon realizes he forgot to pack blood. Sebastian has an idea.

“No,” said Simon. “No, no, no—that’s Spanish for no, by the way—no, and no. Absolutely not. Categorically in no universe will that ever happen, and I say that taking into account the multiverse and string theory or whatever. Seriously, no freaking way.”

Clary’s weird demon brother sighed, kicking up his (unfairly) long legs onto the fancy glass coffee table. He wore his shoes indoors, which Simon’s upbringing in his mother’s and grandmother’s home could hardly begin to fathom. Still, the aforementioned shoes were also fancy and the pointed-toe kind that made his legs look even longer, especially in those slimming dress pants. Had Simon mentioned that was unfair? “Be my guest, starve yourself to death. I hear the last throes of death by blood starvation are the best—rattles, shakes, uncontrollable thirst for blood. Maybe you could even hold out until my angel brother returns and attack him like a wild animal. Would make a very good home video.”

He held up his phone, a slim black iPhone X, then put it down on the coffee table and relaxed back into the black leather couch with a distinctly superior air, bringing his glass of wine to his lips (Simon was starting to think he had a serious day-drinking problem). Simon stayed mutinously silent for a few moments, occasionally breaking his deliberate lack of eye contact to shoot a glare Sebastian’s way, then finally broke down when the silence—and Sebastian’s all-too-knowing gaze on his back—was too much.

“Fine, say I believe you and there’s really no blood donation places I can get blood at—which I really don’t, by the way. How can I know your blood won’t like…hurt me, or something? Maybe you just injected holy water, or something.” Simon wasn’t sure what the Mark of Cain’s policy on ingested poisons is—would he projectile shoot venom Sebastian’s way if he was poisoned? If so, he was definitely going to have to avoid that one. It sounded very traumatic. Unfortunately, the Mark didn’t really come with a user’s manual.

Sebastian looked bored, fingering the stem of his wine glass. Simon had to wonder if he’d been to the School For Really Pale Villains, or if it was a genuine affectation. “As I told you before, this is a very old, very Catholic district of Paris. The Jesuits slaughtered the vampires living here, destroying all but the lowest underbelly of vampire society. You won’t find any donated blood anywhere in the city, I’m afraid.” He took another slow, measured sip of wine. “As for my blood, you’ve already drank it. Surely a few sips more can’t hurt.”

“Yeah, and it tasted like shit. No offense,” Simon added quickly. Telling someone their blood tasted bad had to be rude, right? Especially when the bloodletting altercation in question…hadn’t exactly been pleasant. Still, it had tasted like battery acid, harsh and acrid, burning at Simon’s tongue. Definitely worse than the medication Simon had to take when he was eight, which up until that point he’d thought was the worst tasting thing in the world.

Sebastian lips turned down into a bemused smile, and before he even opened his mouth Simon knew he was being patronized. “You really don’t know? Blood only tastes like what it carries—hormones, vitamins, nutrients, toxins. Taking a bite out of someone in battle when the stress and aggression is high is going to be much different than biting in bed when…” His eyebrows raised, suggestively. “Well, you know.”

Simon did not, in fact, know this, mostly because he’d never fed on a live human (except that one time. and that other time. and okay it kind of happened a lot but always not his fault). Still, it made sense, even if the source was dubious. Moreover, he was curious how Sebastian knew so much about vampire feeding. Maybe he had a vampire friend. “Really?”

“Mmm hmm.” Sebastian was clearly enjoying telling him things he didn’t know, stretching out on the sofa like a very self-satisfied (and skinny) white cat sunbathing. “Come on, just a little sip. Maybe it’ll last you until Jace is back, and we can take the apartment anywhere your delicate little conscience wants to eat.”

He had a point. Surely a little sip couldn’t hurt when Simon had already chugged a fair bit of it, (never mind that was basically frat boy logic). Also, he was really freaking hungry. His stomach didn’t rumble anymore—which was good, because as a living human stomach Simon’s stomach tended to embarrass him by making loud noises at the most inopportune moments—but if it did, it would be rumbling now. Also, the mental image of throwing himself at Jace the second he opened the door was too humiliating to bear. Surely he’d make fun of Simon forever and a half.

“But what about Jace?” Simon asked. “Won’t he, like, start gushing blood too, what with the—” Simon bit down on the words creepy demon ritual bond and added, hurriedly, “Twinning thing.”

Sebastian gave a bored shrug. “He should feel a pinch when you bite, but not much more. We don’t share all our papercuts, you know. Just major injuries, or life-threatening ones. Besides, my blood replenishes faster than his does. He won’t notice a thing.”

“Fine. One sip.” Simon felt like he was giving in way too fast, but he’d always been bad at pretending to be above these things. Awkwardly, he took a stuttering step towards the couch, then faltered. Sebastian gave him a smug look and moved over so that the couch cushion he’d been on previously was free, patting it with a pale hand. Simon sat, trying not to let his apprehension show (and failing). He looked at Sebastian’s hand, trying his best to keep his fangs from snapping out at the sight of the tiny little veins pulsing in his wrist. “Um, should I—or—?”

Sebastian looked amused, pulling open his collar. Simon could feel the heat and smell of him rolling off him in waves, the fresh pulse of life just under the surface. Since when did he freaking talk that way, anyway? ‘Fresh pulse of life?’ Get a grip, Lewis. You’re not in Twilight erotica. Simon forced his thoughts away from Twilight erotica and back to Sebastian, who was now uncomfortably yet tantalizingly close. Simon could make out every single one of his extremely long, translucent lashes. His nose was weirdly sculpted, like he’d had plastic surgery. The thought of Clary’s weird demon brother having plastic surgery was too much and he snorted, just a little.

Sebastian looked annoyed. “Is there something funny?”

“Um, nothing,” Simon assured him, very quickly. “So, um, wrist or arm or…?”

“Don’t be silly.” The superior tone was back as quickly as Sebastian’s face had flashed its annoyance. “Blood fresh from the heart has more nutrients. Everyone knows that.” He moored his wine glass on the table and pulled back his collar, exposing the long, pale column of his neck. His voice was weirdly soft and his gaze unusually intense when he said, “This will sate you most.”

“Oh,” said Simon. Sate was definitely a normal word that normal people used in normal situations. “Right, yeah, um, totally not weird at all. Gotcha.” He rubbed his hands together, warming them up, then very very carefully put out a hand and laid it uncomfortably on Sebastian’s shoulder. It was warm, and deceptively thin, almost delicate. If he hadn’t seen Sebastian pick up Jace like he’d weighed nothing, he wouldn’t have thought him much stronger than himself—pre vampire glow-up.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and leaned in so that his pulse was just against Simon’s lips, so close Simon could feel his heartbeat against his mouth. It was a weird, electric feeling, and Simon found himself marveling at its slow, steady beat, like a metronome. (His own heart, for the record, was fluttering at breakneck speeds against his ribcage). His fangs slid out, a lot less painfully than usual, and Simon bit down, tentatively.

A sigh passed Sebastian’s lips and salty sweetness exploded into Simon’s mouth, like a kick to the face. He bit down, harder, savoring the blood rushing into his mouth. There was an edge to it that hadn’t been in Jace’s, like the strong sharpness of vodka, mixed with a strange undercurrent Simon couldn’t place, but it tasted good, nothing like the harsh metallic taste of before. He drank and drank, but it seemed no matter how much he got it still tasted so good, nothing like the microwaved bagged stuff he got at the Hunter’s Moon.

Dimly, he could feel Sebastian shift against him—without any urgency. Simon groaned internally, the way he did when he didn’t want to get out of bed. If Sebastian wanted him to stop, he’d stop, but he really didn’t want to.

A languid sound vibrated in his chest and belatedly Simon realized Sebastian had made it. Something between a sigh and a groan, a sound of–pleasure? Was he enjoying this? A curtain of fog lifted, Simon’s mind spinning out. He felt Sebastian’s hand bump his knee and—

“Holy shit are you—are you touching yourself?!” Simon could hear his own voice scale an octave as he jerked back, and hated it. So much for magical vampire ‘no voice cracks.’ “What the hell, dude?”

Sebastian smiled, in the least comforting display of human emotion known to man. His blood was trailing down his neck in dark, tantalizing rivulets, seeping into the crisp white of his dress shirt. No blood, not even arterial blood, was this dark. His gaze was waaay too intense and his voice shockingly husky when he said, “Please, daylighter. Don’t tell me no one has given you a full-course meal before.”

“Um,” said Simon. Apart from full-on admitting to Clary’s (weird) older brother that he was a virgin at 19 (awesome!) and hadn’t really done anything except one very unfortunate makeout session behind a shed when he was 15, he didn’t see any way out of his ignorance. Hadn’t Sebastian said something about physiology affecting how blood tastes? “No offense, dude, but usually when you’re like, eating a steak or whatever, you really hope it isn’t jacking it at the same time, you know?”

There was a ‘beating meat’ joke in there somewhere, but Simon didn’t trust his current presence of mind enough to find it.

Sebastian seemed unaffected by his protestations. “You’re not eating, you’re feeding—on a living, voluntary participant. A performance of two parts, if you will.” He leaned in, and Simon had to pull back at the smell of blood to keep from clamping onto his neck like a very handsome, dashing leech. He traced a finger down Simon’s chin, pulling back his fingertip with a droplet of his own blood. He sucked at the tip of his finger, and Simon’s stomach did a strange little flip he did not want to think about. “So if you don’t mind, you keep to performing your part, and I’ll perform mine.”

A large part of Simon’s brain was screaming to lick up the blood dribbling perilously close to Sebastian’s chest—when had his shirt come that far undone?—so he avoided that no-doubt perilous outcome and ducked in and bit down again, grabbing at Sebastian’s back for better purchase. Fresh blood welled in his mouth, the flavor more complex—notes of sweetness mixed with hints of bitterness. Simon did his best to ignore that Sebastian had hiked one leg up to the couch and was teasing his inner thigh with long fingers–probably good for piano playing, some remote part of him thought. His pulse had picked up, though still steady, beating out a slightly more staccato tempo, though his breath felt unsteady as it brushed hot against Simon’s cheek.

He really hoped Jace didn’t come back right then and find Simon with a mouthful of Sebastian’s blood, and Sebastian with his legs…like that. Simon was quite sure he’d die of embarrassment on the spot, Mark of Cain get fucked. He could just imagine Jace’s smirk right now. “My blood wasn’t enough for you, Lewis?” he’d say, probably flexing. “Really, I’m insulted. Also how come I didn’t get this treatment, too? Is there something you need to tell me about our relationship?”

Simon wasn’t at all sure what Clary saw in him, but he had also been pretty sure he wasn’t going to gorge himself on Sebastian’s blood, either, and that had been just about two minutes ago. Maybe Jace would grow on him. Some day. Even though he was technically dead, Simon wasn’t holding his breath.

Dimly, Simon could feel Sebastian shifting around him, and himself pressing into him. He could feel Sebastian’s heartbeat in his own chest, the sensation unnervingly familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, the rush of blood under his skin. Sebastian’s breath was coming fast and sharp, his pulse swift and sending sharp sparks of sweetness into his blood. Simon could feel that he was breathing hard with him, even if there was nowhere for the oxygen in his lungs to go, his whole body throbbing with the heady power of Sebastian’s blood. Far from sating him, the blood had awakened a deep hunger in him, like standing on the precipice hanging over a very long, dark drop.

Simon felt dizzy with it, chasing the sparks of sweetness, Sebastian’s soft sighs falling away into the addictive heat and richness of his blood. That undercurrent of bitterness was back, but instead of being gross it was incredible, a completeness and complexity that made his chest full and warm like a shot of vodka. (Raiding his mom’s liquor cabinet with Clary when they were kids had been a horrible idea). Greedily, Simon bit down harder and Sebastian groaned, his back arching—

Dazzling sweetness fizzled against his tongue, jolting him with an incredible rush. Sunlight sang in his veins, like the first time he’d felt the heat of sun’s touch on his skin after he thought he’d never see it again. Fireworks popped behind his eyelids as he gasped, wholly overwhelmed, against Sebastian’s neck. Sebastian’s taut spine went soft beneath him, his whole body pliable as clay, and Simon was unable to rid himself of the nagging thought that this was what jacking off furtively in the shower felt like, only like twenty times better.

Tentatively, Simon opened his eyes. Sebastian smiled up at him, looking very self-satisfied. He was slumped against the back of the couch, which Simon had pushed him up against. His eyes, normally inky-black and whippet-sharp, were looking soft, a bit hazy—probably with blood loss. Not for the first time, Simon was arrested by the the unnatural whiteness of his hair, like bleached bones. (Simon only knew what bleached bones looked like because he and Clary had once found one on the beach. They had both been very dissappointed to know it was not, in fact, a human bone, but a chicken’s). 

Then his gaze turned to Sebastian’s neck and chest and Simon yelped, nearly jerking backwards off the couch; only his vampire reflexes caught him from what would have been a very ungainly and embarrassing demise. Sebastian’s chest was slicked and smeared with blood, all the way to his stomach, his shirt soaked through with spreading darkness. Simon’s own shirt—an Ironman shirt he’d gotten off TeeSpring—was wet and sticky with blood. “Eww,” Simon whispered, pulling the wet shirt away from his skin. It flopped back onto his chest when he let it go, wet and now cold. “Ewwwww.”

“Don’t worry, you’re hardly the world’s first messy eater.” Sebastian’s voice was a bit slurred, his movements slightly sluggish when he reached for his wine glass and drained it off in a single gulp. He smiled, the way one might smile at a particularly lush piece of cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. “Feeling better?”

“Um, yeah, thanks.” Simon muttered, a bit shamefaced. Had he gotten blood on the couch? Could you even get blood out of leather? He was quite sure that was a question shadowhunters asked themselves all the time. “Sorry if I, uh, got carried away, or whatever.”

Sebastian gave an abrupt little laugh, turning his gaze up towards the ceiling. “Believe me, I like carried away.”

Simon was silent a moment, trying to formulate the question in his mind. Hey dude, not in the weird way, but did you orgasm and did I…taste it? Again, not in the weird way. “How….how did you do that?”

Sebastian’s lips pulled down into a droll smile, his head lolling Simon’s way on the couch cushion. “My, it really was your first time, wasn’t it?” Before Simon could blush and trip over himself to stammer out a million words, he added, “Perhaps I’ve been a bit dishonest. I’ve frequented many bleeder dens and, ah, perfected the technique.”

Simon knew what bleeder dens were, even if he’d never been to one. Great way to get tetanus, Jace had told him. Also very gross, very Count Dracula. Wouldn’t recommend. He could imagine Sebastian fitting right in, though. So, like a vampire sex club? Clay had asked, and Isabelle had laughed. Exactly like that. “The technique?”

“Orgasm makes the blood incredibly sweet,” Sebastian explained, as if Simon were an idiot. He gave a pointed look downward. “Though I must say you seem to have enjoyed it more than most.”

Simon had the urge to yank off the Seelie ring, lest Clary somehow hear any part of this conversation. It occurred to him he should have done that ages ago, like maybe before the messy blood orgy for two started. How did those things even work, anyway? Yet another thing that didn’t come with an operator’s manual.(Simon was a very firm believer in reading the manual. Clary, by contrast, preferred to play board games without reading the rules).“Oh, um, that’s weird—”

“Don’t worry, I enjoyed it too.” Sebastian leaned in, pressing a paralyzingly light kiss to Simon’s cheek. His hand went automatically to the spot, even as his soul recoiled in horror. Clary had not actually stipulated don’t make out with my evil demon brother, but Simon was pretty sure that was on the unspoken list of friend rules. like maybe at the very top, highlighted in neon, and flashing with a few sirens going off.

He also really kind of wanted to make out with Clary’s evil demon brother. The thought made him despair.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Sebastian told him with a lingering look, standing up with impressive grace for someone who was currently wearing a whole lot of his own blood as a fashion statement. “I suggest you change your shirt, lest my brother return and think you’ve taken to cannibalism. Maybe rest an hour or so, and then I’ll be ready again.” To Simon’s raised eyebrows and wide eyes, he said, with a glimmer of a dark wink, “The femoral artery is a real treat, for both of us. You’ll love it, I promise.”

[notyourmotherswitch]

When Dean finds home

TITLE:  WHEN DEAN FINDS HOME

CHAPTER NO: 1/?

AUTHOR:  notyourmotherswitch

You end up at the bunker after a trauma.  Slowly the guys realize how much they want you there.

RATING: M

WARNINGS: Death of your child, grief (it gets better, then REALLY better), self esteem issues, language, smut, little Daddy kink.

NOTES: My very first ever.  First fanfic, first writing a story for others, first major posting on tumbler.  Please be kind.  Also I apparently have a strong author voice.  I have always loved the theatrical aside, where the actor lets you in.  A quick personal joke, quick addition to the sentence or funny reaction.

Sam did hear y/n crying, and as he had for every night since you came to the bunker, he grabbed a pillow and slept beside your door.  He knew you needed to work through, well everything, but wanted to make sure if you needed more that he was right there for you.  Dean slept thru almost anything.  After the sobs diminished, he crept back to his room, sad he couldn’t do more to help you thru this.  He hoped you asked for help if it got to be too much.  He was afraid that even if you did need help, you wouldn’t think to ask someone else.  You asked for so little.

The story so far:

You were screaming, looking at the Aurora’s crib.  Then those two men burst into your home.  The tall one went straight to the crib, blanched, and with a blank face pulled her blanket over her poor little body.  Sam then turned to you with a sad face and said, “She did not suffer.  She did not feel pain.  The thing that did this...”  You went silent; you had to know what could do this.  Why Aurora?

“Damn it!”  Suddenly you realize the shorter one (who still towered over you) is pissed angry.  He won’t meet your eyes. Sam gently suggests you go to the living room.  “Dean, get some water for her.”

“Right.”  As Sam sat you down, you could hear Dean slamming cabinet doors hunting for a glass.  Sam gently sat down opposite you on the coffee table, frankly you were surprised it held up, it was almost embarrassing cheap.  But it allowed you to get the best crib the store had, and Aurora was so worth the furniture that would grow as she did.  Oh.  Sam was talking to you with this puppy dog look on his face, you probably should pay attention.

You do your best to listen, you even managed to ask a few questions.  Sam explained that there were things that go bump in the night.  Most hid as humans, but some just did not have that level of intelligence.  They had been tracking a beast, you couldn’t remember what it’s name was, that had killed some “recreational hunters” (sounds fake, but ok).  Earlier that day they had tracked the beast down to a lair in the woods and found its family.  During the process of “ganking” (weird name), the female escaped wounded. While they were tracking it down to finish their job, they heard you screaming.  Best they could figure, it crawled into your precious Aurora’s room and took sustenance to speed the healing process.  They killed it as it left your home, too late.  Dean brought you a glass of water, but still didn’t meet your eyes.

What happened next, you can only guess, cause you fainted.  The night had proved too much to process.

*****

You start to wake up, you aren’t in your bed.  You are in a moving car.  Why? Then last night floods into your memory. You can’t even think past the grief and gasp as waves of pain, horror and grief overwhelm you.  “Damn it, she’s awake again.”  You hear Dean swear under his breath.  “There’s a pull off just ahead, I’ll pull over.”  The car, something old but maintained, pulls over gently.  This isn’t a normal rest stop, there’s no bathroom, no gas station, no restaurant. Suddenly you realize you are in a car, with two unknown men who have admitted to hunting and killing THINGS, and there is no one in sight.  They took you from your home.  Fear grips you, pushing your grief back out of the way of survival.  Suddenly there are no emotions, and you take the first full breath since… no, and stop crying.  You watch both men very carefully, hoping for a moment when you can run, escape or do injury. Injury might work, might even help kill some pain…

Sam is looking at your face, he turned in his seat and is just watching you with a sad face as the car comes to a stop.  Something in Sam’s body language tells you to wait and see what they do, you don’t feel he would hurt you.  Don’t know about the compact firecracker though.

Sam waits, watching your expression flit across your face.  He can see your survival instincts have kicked in and you have a false calm. “y/n, my name is Sam.  This is my brother Dean.  We met last night.  Do you remember what happened last night?”

“Aurora.”  A sob escapes you.  You push it back down, you can’t grieve right now, you have to survive.”

“Do you remember us talking last night?”  “Yes, you said you killed that thing.”  “Good. I promise, Aurora did not feel pain or fear and it was quick.”  “I understand.”

“Before we talk about anything else, do you have any questions about last night?”  “No.  My life is over.”  You state it with such belief, Sam is struck dumb.  A slow ok of understanding came out with a tear in his eye too.  “Why did you kidnap me?  I have no money, no family, and no reason for anyone to want me.”

Dean had been watching you in the mirror, he thought he understood your grief, and did not want to make things harder for you by another stranger watching you.  But he couldn’t not watch you.  You were so sure that your life was over, you stated it.  He could see the grief in your every movement. He was impressed you were able to tamp down your feelings to get on with a task.  That took serious balls, he thought.   Someone that ballsy couldn’t be allowed to give up.

“We did not kidnap you, at least we did not intend to.  After you fainted,” You snorted unbelieving. “After you passed out, we got a call from a friend.  He needs our help, fast.  Normally we would have called a relative or the cops for you.  But when we found your contacts list, we couldn’t have someone we thought we could call.  And the way that thing hunted, it could look like you had killed your daughter.  We decided we couldn’t leave you alone to face all that, but we had to leave, so we brought you along.”  

A soft “Sorry” came from the green eyes in the mirror.  After they eye contact, Dean sighs and turns to face you as well.  They are both clearly trying to NOT scare you, not putting their arms past the seat back, not invading your space and Sam’s voice seems like he was really trying to be calming.  It was succeeding.  You start to relax, now that you are sure you aren’t about to be raped and killed.  A new dark part of you whispers that you can’t even get enough attention to be raped, let alone have these two very handsome guys paying attention to you.

“Oh.  I get it.  I will call a cab to come get me and I will be out of your way.”  You thought your words were as emotionless as you felt; instead the defeat in your voice betrayed you.  You realize not only do you still have on your pjs and slippers; you do not have your wallet or phone.  Sam held your phone out with raised eyebrows.  “ Here’s your phone, we were trying to find someone to help you. We grabbed some things for you, they are in the back”  

“No one helps me, they only want me to help them.  I can walk back.”  You are just so numb.  You just want to be in your bed, holding… no.  You can’t go back without her.  There was a nosy old biddy who would probably love to call the cops if she felt something was off.  She was always trying to get your to confess who the father was, tried to shame you whenever she saw you with “your little bastard”.  She did not believe a woman would want a child by herself, and only believed you were a slut.  You wondered what she had thought about the fact no man ever visited your home.

“Damn it, damn it, damn IT!” The explosion from Dean startled you. Sam immediately shot a look at his brother to watch it, but was surprised at Dean’s chagrin.  “She can’t go back.  The cops won’t believe her, there is no body, and there is no one to..”

“WHAT!?”  You scream at Dean, “What do you mean there is no BODY? Where is my little girl you supreme ass-“

Sam practically jumped over the seat.  “Wait. We wouldn’t have left her like that. The beast can carry a type of infection, so we had to burn it.  We also had to cremate your daughter, to be safe and to protect you.”  “WHAT?!  Why?” This did not make you feel better, just more afraid.  Sam quickly explained that there would have been too many questions from a medical examiner, and without the body of the thing… it would look like you killed her. That even you being in town without her would raise horrible questions.  They did gather up her ashes for you.  She was in the back with your stuff.

“So without being able to talk to you, or leave you in a safe situation, we brought you until we could figure out what to do with you.  We just have to get to our friend we will get you a separate room, help him then we can talk about what you want to do.  You are safe.  We will help you figure out what you want to do as soon as we’re done.”  As you take calming breaths and force yourself not to starting crying again, you lose the battle.

Figuring you were mostly up to speed, and past the freaking out stage, Dean pulls back out onto the lonely road.  As you feel the blissful blankness of exhausted sleep roll over you, as you hear Dean whisper, it confuses you.   “We have to keep her.  Sam, you know we do.”  “I know Dean, but only as long as she wants us to.  I think she’s too used to being alone.”  No one ever wanted to keep you before.  No one worried about you, not since Nana, why these two?

*****

You start to surface as you feel the car pull into a stop.  The front doors open (one squeaked) and feel the weight of the guys get out of the car.  “You get the rooms, I will get our stuff together and get her to bed.”  Someone else has it covered, someone else is taking care of what needs to be taken care of and for once it isn’t you.  Even as your mind boggles at the thought, a hint of grief appears.  You are too sleepy to remember what or why, but allow yourself to fall back into sleep’s arms and away from bad things.

The door you were leaning on opens, nearly dropping you to the pavement.  Sam quickly maneuvers to support your shoulders and sweeps your legs up, carrying you into a cheap motel room.  You swim through the sleep, struggling to understand.  Sam picked you up.  No Sam SWOOPED you up, like a freaking prince charming!  Like the pregnancy weight you never bothered to lose (what for?) wasn’t even there.  Even as he lowers you onto a double bed, you just can’t reconcile it.  No one ever picked you up to hug or kiss you, probably in fear of hurting themselves.  Sam did not even grunt once.  You did not know it was possible for someone to make you feel petite or feminine.  You stare at his soft brown eyes in confusion. Nothing about this made sense.

Sam smiled at you in relief, “Oh, good you’re awake.  We were getting worried about you.”  Sam stepped out the open doorway and you see him grab a bag out of the trunk of the car. You finally got to see the car you have been riding in.  Black shiny old school mussel car.  Your knowledge of cars was very limited, but you recognize the style and appreciate what good condition it was in.  “I grabbed a few things for you, I did not see any medications, thought you would like to have something to change into.”  You look down, there is your pretty flowered gym bag and you realize that you were out of it, cause you did not even think about clothes.  But now all you wanted to do was brush your teeth.

“Dean and I need to go see our friend right away.  The rooms are paid for the next two nights, if we don’t come back.  We expect to be back before light.  We also picked up some supplies, if you need anything, we can pick up more tomorrow.”  Before you could think to ask any questions, he was back out the door.  You could here the car revving and Dean saying something about how the friend was able to kill it but needed help cleaning up.  The rocks kicked up peppered your door.

*****

And you were alone. Again.

The water was surprisingly hot, plentiful and with decent pressure.  Your experience with cheap motels usually left you wanting to leave right away, merely a pit stop to wherever your destination was.  This one was surprisingly clean.  Worn out, used, dated but clean.  You had to regroup.  You had to make decisions.  You had a funeral to plan; wait.  Where was Aurora?  You start to feel anxiety pushing over your good sense and prickle your scalp.  That would not help you.  You have to put emotions aside and make plans.  Plans to escape?  They left you in your own room; you saw them put bags into the room next door. They may have left you, without transportation, but they also left your phone.  As you dig into your bag for clothes, you had to laugh.

This bark of a laugh just erupted out of you.  There was no bra.  They remembered socks, 8 pairs in fact, remembered your toothbrush.  There were probably 4 complete outfits in there.  All your yoga pants, which normally never left the house, because you never wanted to inflict your shape on strangers.  Several tops, all the “cute” ones you didn’t wear after Aurora because they were too un-mom-like. You gasp when you see a thin, silver chain.  They grabbed your favorite necklace from your bed stand. It was the Goddess, given to you by Nana after you dedicated yourself to Wicca.  The last thing you had of her, thanks to poor estate planning.

As you feel the necklace settle, you sit down hard on the bed.  It hits you like a train.  You life is over.  Then your fathers voice from childhood memory floated forward.  “Never give up on life, give up on the day.  When it gets bad, go to sleep early.  Then the day is over, you get sleep and can deal with whatever fresh in the morning.  And there is always another day to start over, to start better.”  You did not remember much, but you remember his saying. It is what kept you going when things got tough.  You couldn’t think of anything more awful than the last 24 hours.  But he was right, tomorrow was another day to start better.

You were never the type of gal to grab a guy’s attention, let alone devotion.  You never had the epic teenage love, the tragic college guy or even many of the lonely one-night stands.  You got dates, but usually ended up hearing about how great you were, for someone else.  You got put into sister category too often to be able to picture a wedding or a family. After the accident you were raised by your grandma, a distracted lonely but loving environment, until your freshman year at college when she had her aneurism.  That day, you decided not to wait for your prince charming and started to save, scrimp and plan to make your future for YOU.  You could plan, you could research, you could be a mom.  So after years, on your 35thbirthday, and by yourself, you went to your doctors office and got lucky on the first cycle.  Everything was a beautiful dream, on your own.

You had the whole night to do nothing more than think.  Left alone, more alone than you can ever remember, you decide that you don’t want to be alone anymore.  You decide once you get home you will get a pound puppy.  Do some good, help someone, take care of and love something.  You can’t fall down, you want Aurora to look down and see you carrying on.  You may not be able to mother anymore, but you can still be a good to her mother. You will go on, because to do less would be an insult to her brief life.

You made your decision. You would carry on.  Look for meaning, look to help others, be the good that a monster took out of this life.  You could plan.  No, that was too simple of a way to put it.  You had a way of figuring out what you wanted to do, what would have to happen to allow you to do what you wanted to do.  You loved lists, checklists, plans.  Whenever life got to be too much, you planned your way into something better. After all, as long as it only depended on you, you could make anything happen.  Other people messed up plans, rarely helped, and mostly just made you feel worse.  So ya, you were alone, but you have always been alone.  So nothing new other than the grief.

*****

The boys were driving to the motel.  Their fellow hunter, Jeffrey, was not very skilled.  He thought he killed the monster, but did not realize they always hunted in pairs.  Luckily Dean saw it creeping up on Jeffrey as he was burning the body of the first one, one shot one kill.  Easy enough to add the second body to the pyre, sweep for any others.  Destroy any evidence of monster, but leave enough for people to have closure about their missing loved ones.

The road was quiet, and for once Dean did not have the radio on.  “Dean, why didn’t we leave y/n with a friend?  It wouldn’t have taken long.”  “Sammy, the closest person we trust is Jodi.  Do you really want to take a freshly grieving mother to Jodi?  Make her relive her own worst day?  I can’t do that to her.”

“Well, then what are we going to do with her?  We can’t keep her.”

“Why not?”  An idea came to Dean, but it probably wouldn’t work,

“What?!  Keep her?  What are you talking about?  Dean, our lives don’t let us have friends who are just friends.  Its too dangerous for those who don’t know.”

“So we tell her, teach her, so she can protect herself.”

“Dean, I am pretty sure she can take care of herself just fine.  She appeared to be doing just that when we found her.  She can go back, explain Aurora died while on vacation and was cremated. There are grief support groups, her life to help her though.”

“Sam, this IS a sad day when you miss such obvious signs.”

“What?!”

“Sam.  Really? Ok lets think.  Where was her husband, her partner, the father?”

“From what I saw there is no man in her life.”

“And her friends, how many are there?”  Dean started to smile, for once he was the one who noticed and loved showing his brainy brother up.

“Um..”  “Exactly!  That’s my point!”  “Explain.”

“While you were digging thru her desk looking for who to call, I looked in her diary.  I know, I know, huge privacy break. But it would have told us who was the most important person, who would help her deal.  There is no one.”

“What do you mean, no one.”

“No one, Sam.  You and me, we have each other till the end of the line.  We have friends who help out when the shit hits the fan.  She had no one.  She did not hang out with coworkers after work, she did not have dates, she only took care of her kid.  In her diary she said she did that test tube crap to have the kid.  That people who she thought were friends were turned their back on her when she had her child, cause she was no longer their designated driver all night long.  Can you believe that shit?!  There is no one.  She just moved to this new town to get away from nasty gossips and moved right next to another one who was making this town miserable as well.”

“Dean, I get it.  It sucks, but it is her life.”

“Exactly my point again.” “How so?”

“She lived for the kid. What is she going to do now?  Go back to the town that thought awful things about her and explain her daughter’s gone?  Go back to the house where her kid was killed?  There is nothing there for her now.  She is alone.”  Sam speared Dean with a penetrating look, Dean was looking like he was almost getting away with something.  “I mean, we have extra rooms, and I think for as long as she needs… sheshouldstaywithus.” Dean suddenly was very concerned with finding a radio station.

Sam was surprised, normally he was the one who wanted to bring home the wounded and care for them. There was something about this situation that made Dean act so strangely.  Normally he was the one arguing about not just walking away after the job was done. He was the one who made sure there was loving support when they walked away.  Most of the time they were trying to get away fast, so it was only a talk to your preacher or tell people it was a car accident, it will explain away more. Dean normally did not do this. Strange.  Sam agreed to offer the sanctuary to their wounded bird, but only if she wanted to.

[ninnieartsies]

hello, it's the fic anon again! do you have any hard limits on the ship in terms of kinks? i wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable when i write the fics in case it gets ns//fw... i certainly would also like a background on raimundo too please (as a whole character) cause i'd be ashamed if i write him too ooc! ♥️ thank you sm for giving me permission to write about your wonderful oc too! 😭💖

sdsfllkds I’m!!  💞 💞

Hard limits would be mainly piss/scat/vomit based stuff. Other than those, I’m pretty aight! So if you wanna go wild and explore some, feel free to! òvób Rai is good for that stuff!

Okay, so I’m putting the stuff about Raimundo under a read more since it gonna be long-ish. TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR CANNIBALISM, SADOMASOCHISM, MEDICAL/INJURY DESCRIPTIONS, bad renders of SCAR PLACEMENT ART, and other stuff!!

This bastard of a man is 190,5cm (6'3’’), and he weighs 74kg (163.14 lbs). His eyes are red, and his hair is black. 

He has a habit of using endearments/petnames on everyone but especially his s/o. These typically are babe, sweetcheeks, darling, my love, love, snookums, snugglebutt, and so on.

SOMEWHAT OF A TL;DR: Think the trope Grumpy/dangerous one being soft for only One Person -ship trope.

Raimundo is a cannibal vampire, which means that he eats other vampires, but will also eat humans. Human blood is like a snack for him, so it doesn’t sustain him, while vampire blood will satisfy him for three days. If he eats human flesh, he’s alright for three days, while if he ate vampire flesh he’d be good for a week.

Rai’s blood is black and tarlike, and it stinks absolutely horrible. It is especially revolting to those with a sensitive nose.

Werewolf blood will make him high (think weed usage).

He’s a sadomasochist, who has a hard time creating emotional bonds with people. But with mutual trust and enough time, anything is possible. His sadomasochism makes it that he can’t get off unless pain and/or humiliation is involved; either him receiving or giving. 

He likes cats and strawberries. 

Strawberries are pretty much the only thing he can eat that’s not raw (human/vampire/other) flesh, without getting sick. Anything else will get him ill.

He can eat meat that is sort of similar to that of a human, be it raw or cooked.

He can’t read or write due to his brain damage.

Enjoys being read stories to.

Rai’s kinks are basically: anything goes. 

Can both top or bottom, both are fine. Though I usually have him top or Katsuk be a power bottom. But you do you!

Rai likes to sit or lay on the floor. For some reason, he finds it comfortable. 

He doesn’t understand technology at all. TV and phones are filled with demons. Automatic doors are hell, and escalators are the stairs of satan.

When he’s after affection, he may squish Bakug. Think big dog thinking its a lapdog. 

Bakugou is someone Rai trusts and respects immensely, and the only one he can fully relax around. This is why he may nap laying on top of him. 

When Katsuki’s busy, Rai may just lay close by to him, or curled around him, as long as he can have a little bit of physical contact, then he’s happy.

Since Rai can turn into a bat, he may also hide himself under the collar of Baku’s shirt and join him on little outings. (Katsuk’s emotional support bat, lmao).

The bat size is basically big ears and a body that’s the size of your hand/palm + wing span. Black bat.

Rai’s and Bakug’s relationship is first and foremost built on mutual respect: Both are aware that they can injure each other badly or even kill each other, if something goes wrong. 

He’s got a bunch of scars littering his body, most noticeable being those on his throat and over his nose. 

and a burn scar in the form of a cross on his back.

Now then his personality: 

Raimundo’s sense of fear has dwindled to almost nonexistent since his brain damage got severe enough. He’s very street smart, and one for close combat, and will keep going, despite getting injured in the process… Now, despite him being what you’d call an apex predator, Raimundo is clumsy when he’s somewhere comfortable. He has a tendency to trip over carpets, and fall down stairs (be it him going up or down them). But once he is outside again, and this clumsy streak is nowhere to be seen. This is because he unconsciously switches on/off his survival instinct. Out in the wild/in the cities, he has to keep an eye on the surroundings and not get caught.

Raimundo is pretty violent by nature, in addition to being reckless. He has issues in showing his feelings in other ways than being a complete asshole, or through bursts of aggression. Raimundo is not someone who’d cry, he hasn’t cried since he was a kid. When he’s sad or upset, he tends to get violent. He also has a hard time trusting anyone enough to form a relationship with them. If anyone would be interested in him enough to suggest dating, they’d need to be patient. Very patient. 

He CAN love if the stars align right, and everything clicks. Once he finds his ideal mate, Raimundo is surprisingly cuddly, and he quite enjoys close contact with his SO. He is also POSSESSIVE, and will mark his chosen one often with bites. These bites will be deep and may require stitches if he is not careful enough. Rai is also not shy to show affection through kisses, and/or other means. He may also get easily jealous and act out on it. In bed, he, by default, will be rough. There will be blood involved; it’s either he or his partner that is bleeding. His partners do not have to worry, though. He does not EAT them he views as his. But he may bite too hard since he can’t control himself always due to the brain damage. 

Raimundo’s possessiveness can become an issue. He does not like others touching what is his, and even less if they upset his s/o even a little.

When you reach a friend status, or a trustworthy status in general, Raimundo will be sort of pleasant to be around. He will crack jokes and he’ll even be ready to help you with stuff, if he deems you worthy of his time, more or less. Rai can and will use bad pickup lines for the heck of it if it means he can make Katsuki laugh. For example: sit next to him on the couch, and put an arm around him and say “So. Ya c’mere of’en?” 

Then for the fun part! Raimundo’s medical issues. 

He has BRAIN DAMAGE called CHRONIC TRAUMATIC ENCEPHALOPATHY, that has altered his personality; affects his learning, memories, fine motor skills, and causes seizures.

These seizures can last from a few seconds to a few minutes. In his case, they are unpredictable and episodic. Having lived alone for so long, he doesn’t recognize symptoms, nor does he even understand that he has a brain injury, to begin with.

(Usually, he gets a seizure when he gets overwhelmed, when it’s TOO loud, or he’s idle for too long. Having all his senses stimulated heavily at the same time, may also result in a seizure. Hitting his head or getting a hard enough blow to his head can also cause seizures.)

He thinks it’s normal to black out, be disorientated, and to have gaps in his memory. Now, encephalopathy was also triggered by Rai’s habbit to CANNIBALISM, which he picked up from his step brother.  Even Raimundo’s AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR is linked to CTE. As his aggressiveness took a more active part, it in turn dwindled his self-preservation to a bare minimum. Raimundo does understand danger, but MIGHT NOT ACT like someone would expect one to.

Other symptoms in addition to the seizures are his MEMORY LOSS and TROUBLE CONCENTRATING FOR LONG PERIODS of time. He needs to take breaks or he gets frustrated, which in turn can lead to an aggressive outburst. His ABILITY TO LEARN is also affected, it being much slower than that of an average human. He, however, is stubborn so he does not easily give up, but he gets very frustrated when something doesn’t go as he hoped.

Raimundo also has some trouble with his dexterity or fine motor skills. Grasping a pencil is very hard, for example. He can’t always control the strength of his grip either, it being too loose or too strong at times. His hands also shake.

Raimundo’s use of endearments/petnames really comes down to him not bothering to remember names, since he’d probably just forget them after a bad seizure episode.

Katsuki, however, has made a lasting impression, so his name is pretty much etched into Rai’s brain and the few brain cells he got working. Rai also calls Bakugou by his given name, Katsuki. 

AFTER THE SEIZURES

he is disorientated, often scared, and confused. Then he becomes lethargic and very SLEEPY. He might think he’s moving, i.e. lifting a hand, but instead, he’s just laying still. Usually, something familiar will help him to GROUND himself. A FAMILIAR VOICE or SCENT calms him down and keeps him from spiraling down into, worst-case scenario, another seizure.

If he is with someone he trusts, he will be more than happy to cuddle/hold hands/anything that offers him some sort of comfort & allows him to calm down.

Rest is important. So don’t be too surprised if he spends hours sleeping after a seizure. Depending on how bad it was it can be a short-ish nap, or he sleeps practically the whole day away.

His speech will slur, he won’t make as much sense, and his reaction time is drastically reduced. He is at his most vulnerable after a seizure.

After a seizure he may also lose memories. Sometimes he can get a fuzzy version of a memory back, but mostly they’re gone forever.

HIS VOICE

Since an incident where he was attacked by a beast (chimera), that left the scars on his throat a century ago, Raimundo’s voice has been altered. IT’S HOARSE, a little bit strained as the vocal-cords in his throat are PERMANENTLY DAMAGED despite his healing and regenerating abilities.

(The incident almost killed him, so the healing process took more priority in keeping him alive than to worry about his vocal cords.)

In order to not irritate his throat, HE DOESN’T SPEAK THAT MUCH. If he does, he has to take breaks in order to let his voice and throat rest. It is inconvenient, but he’s learned to live with it.

Some days he may opt not to speak if his throat/voice is acting up.

Raimundo also purrs when he’s content or happy. He may also hiss, growl, snarl, shriek… All of the sounds he makes will still keep the same strain. Since Raimundo originally was a human, his growls/snarls will never sound as natural as they would if they came from a wolf, for example.

SKILLS

HE CAN TURN INTO A BAT; he might “hibernate” during the coldest months

EXTRAORDINARY CLIMBING SKILLS: Climbs vertical walls like it’s nothing, and might also crawl along the ceiling. That means, he has some killer gripping force. He can also climb walls while carrying someone.

REGENERATION/FAST HEALING: depending on wounds 2 days to 4 weeks+++

“MOVING” THROUGH SHADOWS; practically just got A game in hiding in shadows, in disappears into them. As long as light doesn’t touch him, he’s practically invisible.

HAS THE STRENGTH TO BREAK BONES, with his bare hands.

EXTRAORDINARY HEARING: can in a sense see even as blind, thanks to his hearing alone (think bats and echolocation, tho not as sharp). To navigate blind, he will need a noise source.

A GOOD SENSE OF SMELL.

SPEAKS ENGLISH, AND DEMONIC/BEASTIAL LANGUAGE (albeit broken, as he can’t reach the ranges a demon/beast could). 

And broken heavily accented Japanese when with Bakug. Will also mess up meanings of words, or come up with new words.

ex. fries = elongated potatoes

WEAKNESSES

HOLY WATER: burns like acid. Digested he’d cough up blood and probably his intestines, and thus die.

HOLY ARTIFACTS; can kill him if used correctly (i.e. the artifacts are made into weapons). Mostly they just give him a migraine.

SUNLIGHT: The exposed skin starts to bubble and eventually bursts open. Depending on the severity and exposure, the spot can burst into flames. Throw him into a sun-exposed area and you will practically witness him be burned alive. A very painful death.

TRAUMA TO THE HEAD: can cause him to have a seizure at worst, but at the least it makes him disorientated.

WEREWOLF BLOOD will get him high as a kite.

If one was TO KILL RAIMUNDO, you just need to pierce his heart with a weapon of your choice, or alternatively, destroy his brain. He can also bleed to death if he is not careful. But for a quick death, the two other ways are more effective.

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

perfect storm

2/18/2020…2149

Hey there Love. Umm…sooo…this is usually my own little time where I can be alone before I go to bed and just “talk” to you in my own little way but tonight was pretty much the “perfect storm” that instead of talking about my day and how much I missed and thought about you and/or what not, I guess it would be best to try and give you the “short version”. Scenario 1: my brother made the announcement that he’s moving out. The way it came about seems pretty rash and that’s how my parents saw it. My dad was approaching it from a financial stand point. But no one knew each other’s side of the story. They talked to me first since I’m the “responsible/rational” one on Sunday night. They couldn’t figure out why, I didn’t know my brother’s side but I ventured a guess. It’s safe to say I figured about 85% of my brother’s reasoning. They were going to go off on him but I told them I’d talk to him first and see where he was coming from. I talked to him Monday night and I got his side of the story along presenting my parents’ concerns. Tuesday night/tonight, I talk to them and explain to them where he is coming from. There was still a lot of animosity between my dad’s opinion and my brother’s but I was able to reason with them to the point where, one way or another, it was going to happen. Lots, and I mean lots, of details I’m leaving out. But that was the “resolve” to that. But while coming to that, my dad was still upset and angry. So my mom started talking about his temper. It got to the point where I was trying to play mediator/marriage counselor to them. Again, they brought up that I’m the “level headed one” and my mom said I should talk to my dad about things. After about 45 minutes of listening to them talk back and forth, airing out their complaints and frustrations, I told them that I don’t think that I am able to fix things. I can talk to each of them separately but it’s not going to solve anything. They needed to talk to each other. But when they did that, my dad said that everything is good with him and that it was my mom’s fault for being “sensitive” and overreacting to things I told him that he can’t say that. Being sensitive is not a character flaw. It’s who she is. She started to cry and he said, “look, there she goes again crying.” And I told him that there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s how she feels. If she wants to cry, let her cry. If she wants to yell, let her yell. It’s how she is feeling and there’s nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong is you invalidating and/or making it seem trivial. And it just got worse from there. In the end, I told them that I could only do so much but communication is key to make things work and they apparently aren’t able to do it correctly. They said they’ve tried but this and that and so I told them that they were better off just talking with a marriage counselor. My mom’s suggestion was that my dad go see a psychiatrist to take some meds that way he could calm down to see a counselor. I told her that was the wrong approach. I can’t just say someone is “crazy” and that medication will be the fix all. I’m a big proponent for the effectiveness of medications but that is not my first option to fix all. I told them flat out that they tried it their way and if it still isn’t working, they need to see a “professional” in order to help them work things out because I still felt and believe that their biggest road block is communication. And when I eventually brought out that statement, I almost started to choke up and I had to hold back tears and my voice from shaking because all I could think about was you and me. And then there was the situation you are in. I’m preaching to my parents about how I feel they need to speak to a marriage counselor in order to fix/change/aid in the way they communicate. Here I’m thinking that that was one of the strongest things we had going for us in our relationship.  How open and honest we were to the point that we felt safe in turning to and telling each other almost anything.  And then there’s you and Johnny. Where all I can think about is him getting this “second chance’. Him reaping all the rewards of getting a “better” version of you because of us. Him doing all he can do because now he knows what to correct and he’d be stupid to mess up one more time. I’m sad and I’m angry because I’m doing my best to help my parents understand what needs to be done, I’m thinking about you and me not ever getting to that bad of a situation because of how we are, and I think about where you are now and you are in the situation because it all started like this and all it takes is a do-over. It didn’t help any because all day I was thinking about why him and not me. You couldn’t give me an answer so I tried to search for the answer myself. I wracked my brain the entire day and I came up with some things here and there. Of course I’m going to take it out on me. The biggest thing I knew I would question if things did go this way was, “what was it that I didn’t do. Why wasn’t I good enough.” I honestly thought that love was the answer and the trump all. If you had love, that’s all you needed. Have that to build a solid foundation and no matter what the world threw at you, as long as you had and believed in each other, you could find a way to over come anything. Believe…and trust. I believed in you, in us, and I trusted you. I trusted you with all my heart and soul and I felt you did the same with me. You trusted me. I know you did. So I trusted you, you trusted me. I also believed and trusted in myself to know exactly what I wanted. But I don’t know if you trusted in yourself and/or believed in yourself to feel that you knew what you wanted. Fear and doubt. You may not have been able to know what you wanted but I know you for sure knew what you didn’t want. All the possible worst case scenarios. The fallout, the explaining, the loss of possibly everything. That fear is something that you always were dealing with. Even at one point calling yourself a coward because even at one point, you knew what you wanted, it’s just that the fear overwhelmed your actions to do what you truly wanted to do. And that…was my fault. If I could have somehow made you to see in yourself what I saw in you like I said I would. If I could have some how made you believe in your self worth. I could have somehow gotten you to feel safe and secure in yourself to the point that you could have trusted and believed in yourself to make the decision that you wanted to make. Instead of going down a path without even knowing why you were doing it. I’m thinking if I could have somehow done more for you, shown more to you, made you trust and believe in yourself…maybe…just maybe, it would have been enough to overcome your fears and doubt and to choose exactly what your heart wanted. If I could have somehow helped you to trust and believe that despite the fear and doubt that may come with making the tough decision of leaving everything behind, to trust that you were making the right decision that your heart wanted to make. If I could have only made you see how brave, strong, independent, smart, resourceful, and everything that I’ve ever seen in you and more, I felt that maybe then, you would have been able to confidently choose me despite all the fears and doubts you had because, just maybe, I was the one you might have wanted all along. But because I couldn’t get you to see that, that was my fault, and I’m sorry. But again, this is just part of the torture I’ve been putting myself through in order to find an answer that you yourself don’t have. And I’m going to keep searching for one without any direction because I used to think that my/your/our love would have been enough…but apparently it wasn’t. How do you think that makes a dreamer like me feel? And there are little things too. I torture myself about what you are doing. I torture myself along the lines of how I worked so hard for you to open up to me about your kinks and just like that, he has it all, and by snooping too. I basically handed him this amazing version of you, he sees it, he wants it, and is going to do everything he can to keep it. Then I wonder if you will be “dazzled” by it, you two will be “amazing” for who knows how long this “walking on eggshells to win you back and be perfect” only for it to become the way it became, and am I supposed to wait till then? I’m dying a little inside. I’ve stopped listening to music with words because it’s too difficult. I drive in silence, I work in silence. And if the silence gets too loud, I listen to instrumental white noise. Like I said…tonight was the “perfect storm”. I broke down at the end of my night. I cried my guts out. The only reason why I even ate anything tonight was because I had just come from the gym. Kind of difficult to run on a treadmill with tears in your eyes. Sorry for this being one paragraph. I’m sure your editing skills are going crazy right now. Honestly, it’s the only way I knew to write what I was feeling and there’s a chance that I missed a lot of details. Long story short, I just wanted to at least let you know…that I’m not okay…but I’ll find a way to be. I always do somehow. I hope you are doing better than me. Lily…