#sometimes ill look at something i wrote when i was 16 with my ocs and go oh my god. why do i not have an autism diagnosis

[arcaneyouth]

as ive gotten older and learned more about myself ive learned one very important thing. and that thing is that i have accidentally made every single one of my ocs as autism as possible and i didnt even mean to. and im not mad

[dipplie]

This is how I cope don’t @ me

1: Top 3 pets you wish to have Bunny, Mouse, pet bee 2: Top 3 Disney Movies Tangled, Zootopia, and a close tie between The Princess and the Frog and Wreck it Ralph 3: Top 3 OTPs Nick and Judy (I’m not a furry), honestly probably the other pairings from my 3 (4) favorite movies like Felix and Calhoun or Tiana and Naveen or whatever 4: Top 3 pick up lines Pick me up- no literally please just carry me around like sweep me off my feet no like ACTUALLY like ju- 5: Top 3 summer activities Lying in the grass, listening to music on the swings, drinking from the neighbors sprinklers because you didn’t bring water on your walk 6: Top 3 school memories    -Once in 5th grade we were doing an egg drop, and I put mine off till the day before, so my parents just gave me a jar of peanut butter, and I just put the egg in the jar, and when they dropped it from the school roof it exploded all over the pavement and left a stain for years.    -Another time in 9th grade, a couple friends and I wrote a giant “send nuds” in the snow beneath my friends next class’s window, and some other kids took a picture of it and spread it around, and like the whole school was talking about it for a day or two (though we denied it was us so we didn’t get in trouble).    -And in 12th grade the last day of the 3rd semester, my AP Psych teacher said “you know you guys might not come back after spring break since the covid-19 virus might come to America.” And half the class was like: “I hope so we don’t have to come back haha.” And then we went into lockdown for a year 7: Top 3 things you find attractive Being looked at, Being talked to, Being touched at all oh my go d 8. Top 3 shops I dunno man can I say Build-a-Bear Workshop I’ve never been there 9: Top 3 romantic dates Theme park, Aquarium, Build-a-Bear Workshop 10: Top 3 drinks Milk, Milkshakes, the color purple 

11: Top 3 spices/herbs oh my god im too white for this question I think doritios are spicy, SALT 12: Top 3 apps to use not tumblr 13: Top 3 months of the year not winter 14: Top 3 clothing items Skirt, Bows, Thigh-highs 15: Top 3 kinds of flower Daffodils, Buttercups, Dandelions (yes I’m aware they’re a weed) 16: Top 3 Christmas movies Home Alone 1, Those stop motion rudolph ones, the original grinch 17: Top 3 things you don’t/Won’t miss Angsty middle schoolers, Angsty high schoolers, Angsty people 18: Top 3 games Minecraft, Stardew Valley, All the Zelda games between 2002-2009 19: Top 3 binge perfect tv shows I really don’t watch actually T.V. shows I just watch anime sometimes maybe and youtube series man 20: Top 3 kinds of candy Butterscotch, Chocolate coins, Those little pebble chocolates that looks like fish tank rocks 21: Top 3 ways to exercise/be active Well I have an answer, but I don’t think I can say it~ 22: Top 3 spirit animals (I’ve heard something about this being possibly racist so I’ll approach this wish caution) Bunnies, Lambs, a pet rock 23: Top 3 petnames Honey, Muffin, Sweetheart 24: Top 3 places you’ve been to A yearly carnival my old town had once a year, Disney World even though I almost drowned there, The Arcade in my old town called Bananas 25: Top 3 most used websites Youtube, Tumblr (regrettably), Pintrest 26: Top 3 people you last texted My boyfriend, my friend, my co-worker friend 27: Top 3 hashtags you use imagine using the tags how they’re supposed to be used 28 Top 3 items you can’t leave the house w/o clothes (i’m really funny) 29: Top 3 guilty pleasures I write self-insert sometimes I guess 30: Top 3 subjects of study/classes to take Psychology, Sociology, certain art classes 31: Top 3 things to draw/doodle My OC’s, My friends, inappropriate stuff 32: Top 3 aesthetics Cottagecore, Bloomcore, Wonderland 33: Top 3 things you’d buy if you gained three million dollars Pretty things, Cute Clothes and stuffed animals, therapy 34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself Buying pretty things, Wearing cute clothes and holding stuffed animals, therapy 35: Top 3 cartoon crushes Kyoya from OHHC, Mako from Kill La Kill, Marceline/Marshall Lee 36: Top 3 things to do in the snow Draw in it, make snow sculptures, eat it 37: Top 3 accents to hear Russian, Spanish, idk spanish 2 38: Top 3 scents Vanilla, Cream, Strawberries 39: Top 3 things to do in the rain Sit in the car quietly, make out probably, cry 40: Top 3 cupcake flavors Chocolate, Chocolate 2, Chocolate 3 41: Top 3 fruits Cherries, Strawberries, Grapes 42: Top 3 holidays to celebrate Halloween, Christmas, Valentines 43: Top 3 embarrassing moments My friend jokingly revealing my weird self insert fanfic I wrote in middle school (that was gross don’t ask about it) to my friend group, getting a constant D- in AP Stats the whole semester and the whole class secretly knowing about it, wearing an oversized minecraft shirt in my 6th grade school picture 44: Top 3 crayola colors Seafoam, Canary, Cotton Candy 45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college Get back into theater and actually be included and noticed, not cry in the bathroom, feel cared about by my classmates 46: Top 3 fanfictions you’ve read don’t ask me that you can’t ask me that the last fanfics i’ve read were in middle school  47: Top 3 people you miss right now My boyfriend, Two of my friends GJ, my dopamine  48: Top 3 fears Being hated, Being alone, Being abandoned 49: Top 3 favorite literary devices (oh god it’s been a minute hang on) Alliteration, Juxtaposition, Colloquialism 50: Top 3 pet peeves Saying one thing and doing another, trying to act like you’re being the bigger person by not choosing a side, constant self deprecation 51: Top 3 music artists AJR, 3OH!3, Fake Type 52: Top 3 bad habits BFRD OCD, speaking before I think, lately I’ve been lashing out  53: Top 3 ice cream flavors Cookie Dough, Bubblegum, Cheesecake 54: Top 3 meals you love Bread and cheese, cheese with bread, I like dairy and bread 55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime Where are we going, What are we gonna do, what are you doing onii-chan (im so sorry) 56: Top 3 dog breeds Small, fluffy, actually a cat 57: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood The Amazing World of Gumball, Courage the Cowardly Dog, y’all remember Might Bee??? 58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak Better French, More ASL, I guess Spanish would be useful 59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television) I like the first couple Saw movies but then it went kind of downhill, I eventually stopped keeping up with SU ad AT but they have lesbians now and we love that, and I guess I read Warrior Cats in middle school. 60: Top 3 pizza toppings Cheese, ???, that’s all I need 61: Top 3 youtubers you’re subscribed to Markiplier, Erolds Story, Wilbur Soot 62: Top 3 tattoo / piercing ideas Little Flower earrings, Little flower tattoos, Little flower stuff 63: Top 3 awards you want to win love trust and affection  64: Top 3 emojis 🍄🐝🍋 65: Top 3 things you’d do differently have different parents 66: Top 3 places to be in the world In love, Back up, Purgatory  67: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid Lack of responsibility and pressure, Mental illness, Lack of shame 68: Top 3 baby names Penelope, Theodore, Sofie 69: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors Grape, Strawberry, Cherry 71: Top 3 turn ons People being patient with me, People treating me equally, Being touched kindly at ALL 72: Top 3 turn offs looking like Tyler1 73: Top 3 recipes you want to try Sugar spice and everything nice 74: Top 3 dream jobs Primary School Teacher, Child Consoler/Therapist, I dunno being a storytime animator sounds nice... 75: Top 3 lucky items Fidget Toys, Stuffed Animals, Random Office Supplies (you know the ones)

[hotchocolatefanfics]

PoTA: Test The Relationship

Hi guys! So this just came to me a couple of days ago and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head so I wrote it out. 

Basically, it’s a PoTA-based relationship test. The idea is you imagine your favorite PoTA characters/PoTA shippings (canon or not) in these scenarios and, based on their personalities, backgrounds and actions in the books and movies, imagine what they might think, say or do in them. These scenarios can also be used to explore your PoTA OC’s character and expand on their personality and relationships.

Some of the scenarios are based off of things that happened in the movies and books and by the actions of the characters (both the good guys and the bad guys) and some are real-life based and others don’t follow the PoTA mold at all (so some are serious, some are romantic/comfort, and some are just random and silly). 

Types of couple that can be used in these scenarios: 

Canon

Made-Up Shippings 

OC Shippings/relations 

Crack Couples 

Ape x Human

Ape x Ape 

Human x Human 

OC x Canon 

OC x OC 

Gay or Straight Shippings 

Literally anything you want! 

Subjects included in (some of these) these scenarios:

Character Death

Divorce/Breakup 

Government Corruption/Propaganda

PTSD/Past Trauma 

Self Harm/Suicidal Thoughts or Actions 

Abuse 

Drug Addictions 

Alcoholism 

Cancer/Serious and/or Fatal Illness

Miscarriage/Infant Death

Adoption 

Betrayal 

Seperation

Depression/Anger problems 

Birth Defects/Disability 

Murder/Attempted Murder

Homophobia/Harassment/Bullying

Oppression

Ape-Based Polygamy (where they have multiple mates)

If any of these subjects trigger you or make you uncomfortable, don’t read the scenario and don’t do them! I could personally direct you to the scenarios that DON’T have that particular subject but please be aware that a good 80% of these scenarios cover these things and the whole point of them is to test how the characters handle them and the relationship of the said couple. It’s all meant PURELY for fiction and character exploration, not in any way shape or form meant to encourage or glamorize these subjects. As a precaution, I may repost this on my DA incase this is taken down.

PoTA Movies/Books that (some of) these scenarios are inspired by: 

Rise

Dawn 

War 

Firestorm 

Revelations 

Original PoTA Movies 

Tim Burton’s Remake

While these scenarios were made up based off of the PoTA universe, some of them CAN be used for other franchises you’re interested in. The scenarios are primarily romance-based but there are a few that are based on friendships, parent to child relations, and spouse to in-laws.

The scenarios are all open ended. You choose the couple/the characters in them (the “you” refers to the character you chose to be that role), how far it goes and how it ends (This ______ means fill in the blank! LOL). You can use these scenarios as prompts for drawing, one-shots, discussions, or role-plays.

This is not a contest or a challenge! If anything it’s just something I made up for fun and maybe others may find fun in it to. There’s 100 scenarios on this list but you don’t have to do ALL of them if your don’t want to!

Sorry that my description has taken up more room than I thought it would but have fun! Happy character exploration and relationship testing! XD

1 - 10: Falling in love 

1) You have been captured by apes/cruel humans. You just met a/another ape/primitive human. Is it love at first sight?

2) You see your companion being abused/tortured/whipped by your captors. Do you intervene? 

3) Your companion makes a flower crown for you. How does this make you feel? Do you make one for them? 

4) You’re in love. However, the person you love will never love you back due to your species/different opinions on humans. What is it about them that you love so much?

5) You and your companion are not the same species (one is ape and the other is human) but you have feelings for them. Do you hide it? Do they feel the same? 

6) You want to impress your companion by________. It goes horribly wrong and you end up embarrassing yourself. Do you laugh it off? Do you hide your head in shame?

7) You want to give your companion a gift. After much consideration, you decide the best gift would be________. How do they react to the gift?

8) You’re about to be killed by______. Your companion saves your life and in doing so, gets hurt themselves. What do you do? 

9) Your companion suddenly disappears as you’re traveling. Do you search for them? Or go get help? 

10) You and your companion are alone together. You catch each others eyes and gaze at one another. Your heart is pounding. Do you kiss them? Do they kiss back? 

11 - 20: Something Cute

11) You feel like making cookies. You invite your love to join you. How do you know they aren’t going to eat all the cookie dough first?

12) It’s your love’s birthday. It’s as easy to celebrate these things anymore, but you think you can make it work. What do you get for them? Do you attempt to bake a cake?

13) Halloween is coming up. Your love has never celebrated the holiday. Do you dress up in costumes? Go Trick or Treating/eat candy? Watch horror movies and stay up all night?

14) You and the group you’re in are all bored. You decide to play Truth or Dare. You’re group includes apes and humans, some having done wrong in the past and others had gone from friends, to enemies, to ‘not really friends but we can tolerate each other now’ kind of relationship. What can go wrong? And what is the craziest dare you can think of?

15) It’s summer! You decide to take your love on an adventure. Where do you go?

16) You feel lonely but your companion can’t talk. Do you try to teach them how to communicate? 

17) Apes can’t swim. Yet, they see you playing in shallow water. The water isn’t deep and only goes up to your waist at most. Do you invite them in? Do you all end up having a splash-fight?

18) It’s Friday night. That means no council meetings, no hunting, no fighting, no war, no killing, no nothing. You and your human and ape friends know what that means…Party time!!! During the party, you notice your love interest is there. Do you ‘play it cool’ and approach them? Or do you keep rocking out with your friends?

19) Your love is feeling blue. It doesn’t appear to be anything serious, but you don’t like it. What do you do to cheer them up?

20) Your love is having trouble sleeping. You decide to do something sweet and silly for them! Do you sing them a lullaby? Read/tell a bedtime story? Or do you do something else entirely?

21 - 30: Opening Up 

21) Your love has always been secretive and extremely hateful towards (other) humans. One night, you confront them about it. Are you prepared to hear about the abuse and torture your love was subjected to?

22) You came from another planet/the past. Everyone you’ve ever known, your friends and your family, are gone. Leaving you homesick for them. You feel all alone in this new, strange world with seemingly no one to talk to or no one who cares. Still, not all apes in this world are ‘human haters’ and the humans here are good listeners. What’s the harm in seeking company from them?

23) Being locked in a cage for so many years does things to a person. It caused you to have depression and anxiety problems, and caused you to fear humans as well as hate them. It’s hard to talk about these things, even if you weren’t the only one to experience it. Sometimes you cry yourself to sleep, thinking about it. One day, another ape approaches you and asks if you’re ok. Do you let them in? Let them be the one to free you from your cage?

24) Your love suffers from PTSD, due to all the abuse and trauma they’ve endured. They have good days and bad days, but it’s never easy. All you can do is be there for them and help them in any way you can. What happens when a particularly bad flashback leaves your love in tears and you holding them as well as crying with them?

25) Your love tells you a secret. A secret so shocking that, if it ever came to light, it could ruin your love’s life. But keeping it a secret is also dangerous, as it threatens their life too. You don’t want to destroy your love’s trust, but there’s no way you can keep this a secret either. What can you do?

26) You lost your parents when you were young. You don’t like talking about it, not even to your own love. What happens when they find an old picture of you and your parents? Do you tell them how you lost them?

27) You have been made to do horrible things. Things that you never want to remember or speak of again. But one day, something from your past resurfaces and your love demands explanation. Do you lie to protect them from the truth? Or tell them everything?

28) There are certain subjects your love noticeably avoids. Mostly its small things: handling knives, refusing to look at blood, covering their ears at loud noises. You don’t think anything of it until one day…What happens that makes you rethink this behavior? Do you try to find out the source of these problems?

29) Ape Law has always been flaky at best. You never gave it much thought and preferred to live about your daily life as if nothing is happening around you at all. Trouble is, your spouse works very closely with Dr. Zaius and the orangutans. It’s normally uneventful, but lately weird things have been occurring in the village and your spouse is either denying that it’s happening or trying to hide it. You’ve never been interested in this subject before, but you cannot ignore that somethings not right. What is your spouse hiding? What do you do to find out what it is?

30) You decide it’s time to profess your feelings to your love and take the step from friends, to lovers. How do you do it?

31 - 40: Marriage 

31) You and your partner love each other. You live together, eat and sleep and even go out in the forest and Ape Village together. You want to ask the big question, but you’re so nervous of what the answer will be that you keep putting it off. Your partner finally notices and asks about it. What do you do?

32) You and your partner have been through a lot. You’ve survived a virus, dangerous humans, and your spouse has survived abuse and neglect by them. You have your differences and neither of you are perfect, but you love each other all the same. If they were to ask you to marry them, would you say yes?

33) Despite everything that you have done, your partner still loves you and lets you know that everyday. As much as you feel grateful for them, you can’t help but feel guilty for all you put your partner through during the war and the events leading up to it. You secretly wonder if they also resent you for what you did, like everyone else. So how do you feel when your partner, despite all your mistakes, asks your hand in marriage?

34) It was obvious for years that you two were a couple. The entire village knew of it. Not even Dr. Zaius bats an eye when you two announce your engagement. Problem is you have friends who are apes who you want to invite, but you also have human friends too…This wedding is going to be very interesting.

35) You are ape and your partner is human. Your love is forbidden, and seen as a betrayal to many with both sides outcasting you. Fed up with the constant harassment, your partner decides to leave the village and asks you to go with him-as his spouse. This is a hard choice to make. There’s not much left for you if you stay but leaving would mean you’d have to leave your home, your family and all you’ve ever known behind. Will you say yes and go with him? Or will you stay in the village with a ruined reputation?

36) Due to war, you and your spouse have to be separated. The timing is horrible as you have just gotten married and were just about to settle in as spouse and spouse. You talk to each other as often as you can, but it’s just not the same. Can your marriage survive this long-distance relationship?

37) Being an outcast by your own people is hard. Everyday, you put on a brave face and tell your spouse that you’re ok but they know when you’re lying. They know it’s unfair and awful how the village treats you just because of your species. You think it’s just you who they oppress, but it turns out your spouse is also a target. How does it effect your relationship?

38) Some apes have multiple spouses. There are no laws against it and it isn’t seen as cheating or anything wrong. Still, you weren’t raised with it. Your father only had one spouse, and that was what you wanted. One, and only one, spouse. But you have fallen in love with another ape too. You know you won’t be judged for having two spouses and your current spouse wouldn’t  mind either, but do you really want this? Or do you ignore it and stick with what you’ve originally wanted?

39) Your parents are cruel to your spouse. They don’t accept them and constantly tell you that you should leave them. Your in-laws (your spouse’s parents) are the most nicest, most caring people you’ve ever met and you are honored to be part of their family but it also makes you feel horrible about your own parents behavior. On your wedding day, they ruin it by throwing _________  at your spouse and yells at them. This is the last straw. What do you do?

40) It’s your wedding day. The day where fantasy and day dream become reality, and it’s almost mystical. Straight from a storybook. As you and your spouse hold each other, is it everything you’ve ever dreamed of?

41 - 50: Building A Family 

41) You want to have kids but your spouse doesn’t want to talk about it. The subject appears to make them angry and depressed. One night, you decide you have to ask. Would you be prepared for what you hear?

42) You and your spouse are unable to have children. One day, you find an abandoned child while at the Market Place. This child is malnourished and appears hungry. Would you Adopt this child? How would your spouse feel?

43) You and your spouse never thought having children together was possible but it turns out, your spouse is pregnant! Are you shocked? Scared? Happy? What about your spouse?

44) Your child is an outcast, due to you and your spouse being a human-ape couple/past choices made by you or your spouse. One day, your child asks what an ‘abomination’ is. What do you tell them?

45) You and your spouse are currently wanted fugitives and your child is being hunted. If you are captured, your child will be murdered. The only way to protect them is to give up your child and then you and your spouse will have to flee. Who do you leave your child with? Do you fully trust them?

46) You and your friends aren’t related by blood, but you are the closest thing to family that you have. You’re all different, some are apes and some are human, but you stick together as if you were all brothers and sisters and you never let anyone, human or apes, hurt you. How far does it go?

47) You and your spouse find out that your child has a birth defect/has health problems. In a post-apocalyptic world, not much can be done to help your child live a normal life. There is also a possibility your child may die. How do you and your spouse cope with this?

48) You now have two children. As you and your spouse watch them play, do you two worry about their futures? More specifically, if they’d be accepted as equals by the apes and by humans?

49) Your spouse is pregnant and it hasn’t been easy. As you talk about it together, you find that both of you are afraid. Not just for weather or not your spouse and the baby will survive the birth, but also the child’s future as a whole. You try to be strong for your spouse, but can you be strong for yourself too?

50) Your spouse is in labor, and it’s worse than you imagined. You’re scared but you’re more concerned for your spouse than anything else. The baby is finally born. How is your spouse? Are they going to be ok? But then, as you look at your child for the first time, what are you feeling?

51 - 60: Problems 

51) Your spouse has a history of treachery, deceit, murder, attempted murder and manipulation and is outcasted and disliked by many in the colony. It has also put a strain on your relationship, as it makes it hard to fully trust them. Do you ever talk it out with your spouse? Does your spouse regret their past actions?

52) You do not wish harm on humans, but your spouse does. Its to the point where your spouse wants to kill them all. You love your spouse, but you do not like where this is going. Do you try to reason with them? 

53) War has taken it’s toll on your spouse. They no longer seem as confident and powerful as they used to be. In fact, your spouse looks like they’re about to crumble and break before your eyes. One night, they do. They need you to be their strength for the night. How strong can you be for them?

54) You drink your pain away with alcohol. It’s not healthy, but it’s the only thing that gives you peace. You know your spouse hates it, but you’re honestly sick of their nagging. They’ll never understand how bad it hurts. How bad everything hurts…But would you give them the chance? 

55) Old mistakes from the past and continued bitterness over them has made their way into your marriage. Now you and your spouse fight constantly, to the point of yelling and shouting at each other, only to end with one of you leaving and slamming the door behind them and the other to go bed to scream into a pillow. Why is this happening? And how can you and your spouse fix it?

56) Your spouse finds out that someone at work has been mistreating you and they are not happy about it. One day, they show at your work place and beats up the guy that had been bullying you. Did you know it was coming? Were you shocked to see it happen?

57) You decide to do a harmless, non-aggravating, prank on your spouse. The prank you have in mind is suppose to be confusing rather than to make it’s victim angry and upset or cause damage. One of those ‘wholesome and innocent’ pranks. You pull the prank and-!…It’s not your spouse you’ve just pranked…It’s your spouse’s mother!!! How do you get out of this awkward situation?!

58) Your spouse has an awful fear of the dark. It’s so bad that they need a nightlight, something to hold and you to be in the bed with them before they fall asleep. One night, they wake you up and say they think someone/something is inside the house/cave. It could be nothing, but do you really want to take that chance?

59) Your child has a friend who is a bad influence on them. This friend is shady, secretive and always has an answer to everything. You have a bad feeling about them but no evidence to prove anything. You talk it out with your spouse and they too feel something isn’t right with this friend. Then one day your child comes home, badly beaten and bleeding. When it becomes known that the friend did it, you decide then and there that you are going to make them pay for this. What do you do?

60) Homosexuality is not uncommon in Ape Society. In fact, it’s almost as common as heterosexuality. You are perfectly fine with this, as some of your ape friends are married to other apes who are the same gender, however you also have human friends find it ‘unnatural’ or ‘disgusting’ or ‘sinful’. You have been very careful to avoid those friends and keeping them from meeting your ape friends but of course, they eventually find each other. The ignorant friends realize they are looking at two male apes kissing and start harassing them, calling them horrible names right in front of you. That’s it, any feeling of friendship you had with these people dies at that moment. How do you intervene? Do you use just words to stop them or do you have to use physical force? 

61 - 70: It’s A Matter of Life and Death 

61) Your spouse has a disease that could kill them. Thankfully, there is a cure that can save them, but this treatment comes with serious consequences. Would you save your spouse’s life? Do you value their life enough to make sacrifices?

62) Colonel McCullough has kidnapped your spouse! Problem is, he also has the entire colony in the base too! Do you save your spouse first? Or your people?

63) Your spouse and your child are both in serious danger, having been kidnapped by the enemy and are now about to be killed by them/inflicted with a fatal illness. Despite your best efforts, you could only save one of them but not the other. Who do you save? The love of your life? Or your child?

64) Your spouse is an experiment in a laboratory. Every second they are in that cage, their life is at risk. You need a plan but it’s hard to think of one when there’s so little time. What are you feeling? How do you try to rescue them?

65) Your spouse has been acting strange lately. You try to ask them what’s wrong but they wouldn’t say. One night, you catch them with a blade in their hand. You stop them just in time but it leaves you shaking as you now know your spouse has been harming themselves and may have suicidal thoughts. What goes through your mind as you realize this?

66) Your spouse is an addict. One day, you find them passed out and not breathing. You rush to get help, but is it enough to save them? Is it too late?

67) The village has deemed your spouse to be a murderer and a traitor. They were banished and is now locked away forever. But your spouse is innocent. You don’t have proof that they didn’t do it, but the Orangutans don’t have evidence against them either. Suspicious, you do some detective work of your own. No one believes you and Dr. Zaius is determined to silence  you, but you don’t care. You’d stop at nothing to save your spouse’s life. But if your spouse is innocent, who is the actual murderer? And what is Dr. Zaius trying to hide from you?

68) Your in-laws died recently. Your spouse tells you that their parents have told them something about the apes history. Something that should have been buried centuries ago. What did your in-laws tell your spouse? How do you console them?

69) Your spouse had a miscarriage. You take it hard. Everyone knew the pregnancy would be difficult, but you never thought this would happen. Your spouse blames themselves despite you telling them it’s not their fault and you both fall into a deep depression…What now?

70) The forest is on fire and your family is trapped inside! You race through the flames, desperately yelling out their names but their voices seem to come from all directions. The smoke is getting heavier, harder to breathe as the air seem less and less. You refuse to give up, you’re either going to save your family or die trying! Do you get burned? And if you do find your family, which one do you save first?

71 - 80: With or Without You 

71) Your spouse has started a war. You always knew they hated humans, but never dreamt they’d actually do this. When you find out that your fellow apes are also being threatened, and some have been killed, you confront your spouse. Do you try to stop them? Or is your life also at risk?

72) You are finally getting revenge for all the pain humans caused you. Sure a couple of apes died on the way and a couple of them refuse to follow you, but you see no problem with it. But then, your spouse shows up and demands you stop it. It’s getting on your nerves, and you decide you need to make another choice. Do you love your spouse enough to spare them? Or would you choose revenge over their life?

73) You don’t know what the heck your spouse is thinking. They’ve taken control over the remainder of the colony and now some are dead and others are held captive. Your spouse is talking about killing the queen and they’re convincing other apes to help carry it out. What do you? Get answers from others? Or reason with your spouse and try to stop them before this goes too far?

74) Your spouse has enslaved the entire ape colony. Even Caesar is locked up and chained, reduced to another slave. You know why this is all happening, but it just seems so wrong. So against everything that you stand for and believe in. The more that happens, the more you hate it. Do you go against your spouse’s back and help the apes? Or do you confront them yourself?

75) Your spouse has gone off to exterminate the human race. You can’t stop them, and you both know it. Their hate has made them mad, to the point of no return. Do you say goodbye then and there? And as they leave, for what feels like the last time, what are you thinking and feeling?

76) Your spouse has been banished by the colony for their crimes. As of right now, you’re the only one who still cares about them. Do you go looking for them to join them and start a new life somewhere else with them? Or are you so angry with what they did that you just want to forget about them?

77) Your spouse has joined the enemy and is now seen as a traitor to the colony. How do you feel when you find this out? Are you angry with them? Or do you plan to try to change their mind?

78) You have a chance to go back home. Back to your own world, where humans rule the world. But do you really want to go? And leave behind your new friends here in this ape planet?   What does your heart say?

79) You want revenge for the murders of your family but your friends are in the way. To you, they are just waisting your time and slowing you down. You know they mean well and they’re worried for you but it doesn’t make you feel any less angry at them. Do you continue to travel with them? Or do you push them away and go down the rhode of vengeance without them?

80) Your spouse is on the verge of curing a disease that has hurt millions of lives and threatens even more, but is it worth it? Finding this cure means using innocent apes as lab rats and playing with nature…One of the victims trapped in all of this is your spouse’s own adoptive child. Not even they are spared from this. You understand why your spouse is doing this and you know their heart is in the right place, but you cannot agree with any of this. Do you try to convince them to stop? Even if this is wrong, how can you tell then to give up something they have worked so hard on?

81 - 90: I’m Sorry 

81) You had no choice. Your spouse has become a monster. You didn’t want to do it, but you had to. It was the only way you, your family, your friends and your colony would be safe. You had to kill your own spouse…How did it come to this?

82) Your spouse has sacrificed themselves so you live. You never asked them to do such a thing, but they did and it seems they would have done it even if you begged them not to. Wrecked with survivor’s guilt, all you can do is cry for your brave spouse. If you had known that day would be the last day you’d be with them again, what would you have said?

83) Being an astronaut came with consequences. You have left your spouse and children behind on Earth, your home planet. All you want now is to see them again one more time and tell them how much you love them and how sorry you are for leaving them. If you had the chance to do just that, would you?

84) You took part in creating the virus that’s whipping out the planet. Everyone is blaming the apes for this, but you know that’s not true. It’s your fault, and the fault of Gen-Sys for doing this. You say your sorry as your spouse and children die before your eyes, but there aren’t enough sorries in the world that can save them. How can you live with yourself now?

85) You really did it this time. You are now a traitor to the colony and will never be able to return to them. You have no one to turn to and no where to go. Worse of all, you’ve left your beloved all alone. Abandoned them. That was never part of your plan and never what you wanted, but your spouse is now paying the price for your treachery. If you got to see them again, what would you say to them? Do you think they’d still love you and forgive you?

86) Your actions cost the lives of several in the colony and has hurt many others. What you regret the most is how much it has hurt your spouse. You never talk about it with them but you see the hurt in their eyes. You used to have a loving and trusting relationship with each other, now it just feels like your spouse has given up on you. How can you show them how sorry you are?

87) You are haunted by the faces of the people who have died because of you. There are too many to name, some are ape and some are human, but they all form this mob of angry ghosts wanting revenge for their murders. You may not have killed all of them, but you did cause their deaths. How can you put these demons to rest? In fact, are these ghosts real? Or are they just figments of your imagination created by your own guilt?

88) You had to do the unthinkable. You had to kill your own loved ones and friends to save your species. The virus that threatens to destroy your very existence is everywhere you look. In the faces of the people you kill, in the eyes of your enemies, and even in some of your own ‘pets’. You are meant to save and protect your species…But in doing so, you are also killing them…Who do say your sorry to? To those you kill? To all who oppose you?…Or to yourself?

89) You and your spouse had a fight. It was a over something stupid and small, but it got ugly really fast and now neither of you are talking. Who started this fight? And how do you make it up to each other?

90) You have an anger problem and it’s caused a lot of problems between you and your spouse and you with your children. It gets particularly bad one day when your oldest lies to you about where they had been. You get into a fight with them and, in a rage, you smack them. Your spouse intervenes and starts a yelling match with you too. It ends with your children avoiding you for the rest of the day and your spouse giving you dirty looks. Is this enough for you to admit you have a problem? Why was your oldest child lying about their whereabouts anyway? How do you try to make amends with them and your spouse?

91 - 100: The End

91) Your spouse is dead. Killed by Caesar for their crimes. Despite the chaos that had just happened, and the impending danger caused by your spouse, do you still mourn for them? Do you give yourself a chance to say goodbye?

92) Your spouse has suffered a fatal wound and is about to die. You have just enough time to speak them one last time. You don’t want them to go and leave you, but there’s nothing you can do. What do you say?

93) You’ve had enough. You’re tired of the bullshit your spouse has started. Your marriage may have been beautiful at first, but now it’s toxic and lethal. Threatening your own life as well as the humans/apes that are imprisoned here. How do you plan to escape?

94) Your spouse has sacrificed themselves/died during the war. Now you’re at the Oasis, the ape’s new home. As much as you miss your spouse and mourn for them every day, you know one day you’ll have to move on. When will that day come?

95) You and your spouse both have the virus. As you lay dying, the two of you stare at each other in silent sadness. All the things you could have done you never did. Your dreams never came to be. As all this goes through your mind, what do you regret the most? The things you never got to do? Or the things you could have done differently but didn’t?

96) You had cancer years earlier, now it’s come back and it’s worse than before. You have been given less than a year. Within that time, what do you want to do? Rekindle old friendships? Spend time with your family members one more time? Tell your spouse how much you love them?

97) It’s not working out. It’s not your fault or your spouse’s, but you just aren’t close anymore. The spark that brought you together has died out and your marriage is falling apart. You both know it’s over, but neither of you want to admit it. What do you say to each other? Are you ready for a divorce?

98) Your spouse is abusive towards you. You don’t know why they do this to you, but overtime they hurt you, your heart breaks a little bit more. Don’t they love you anymore? Finally, you decide it’s over and start thinking about escape. Do you reach out for help? Who do you turn to?

99) It was an accident. Neither of you saw that car/bear as it came after you. Regardless, it has taken your beloved spouse. Now you’re all alone, despite the constant wave of support and sympathy from your friends and family and nearly everyone in the village. Then, you are confronted with the being that caused the accident. How does looking at them make you feel?

100) You and your spouse have lived a long life together. You have survived war and oppression, been part of creating a new era of human and ape-kind and have had children, and now grandchildren. All your hopes and dreams have come true and all is well in the world. The only problem is, you’re both dying. Your old bodies are falling apart, no longer strong enough to  fight. The good news is, it will be a peaceful death and you’d died together with the one you love. As you and your spouse lay in your bed, waiting for death to take you, what do you reflect on? If you got live your life a second time, would you do it all again? Would you change anything at all?

[that-bookworm-guy]

Character Creation Tag (Alexander)

@pens-swords-stuff did this and this looked cool so I thought I’d do it with my baby Alexander

1) What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.?)

The name. I knew he would be a bookworm too 

2) Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind?

Nope, he was the first character and everyone else was built around him.

3) How did you choose their name?

always loved the name, since I was tiny. I never knew anyone called Alexander so I have no idea where I got the name from, but it was also a name I was considering when I came out as trans but it didn’t suit me, so my character’s name was born. 

His last name is Fawn, which just came to mind and seemed to fit.

4) In developing their backstory, what elements of the world they live in played the most influential parts?

Oooo so in the first book he loses his family. I wanted to really concentrate on his backstory at the start to show how normal his life was and how unprepared he was for everything to go tits up. Everyone has a special power and his is enhanced intelligence and he experiences everything from being able to read minds (Not a lot), to having visions about the future and hearing his powers voice. He wants to get rid of it, so I really wanted to show how much it affected him.

He has ADHD so I wanted to show that through his every day life and I made sure it was mentioned in passing. I wanted to show how he was in school because there are some important characters that come back from there.

His family were well off with house staff and technology because I wanted a clear contrast between his old life and his new life on the run. 

5) Is there any significance behind their hair colour?

Nope

6) Is there any significance behind their eye colour?

Nope

7) Is there any significance behind their height?

Nope, he is average

8) What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story?

He has bad anxiety and depression. I didn’t want to hide it and I’ve had it all my life so I wanted to write a hero who had a mental illness and although it does slow him down, it doesnt stop him.

9) Are they based off of you, in some way?

The whole story came to be because I had a dream where my sister was taken and I had some kind of powers that helped me to get her back. This is basically the outline to the whole of book 1. So in a way yes.

Same with the anxiety and depression, a lot I wrote about it true and was how I was feeling at the time. I feel it made it more realistic to a reader that way. 

I can be quite cheeky and was often got told off for it when I was younger, so I really wanted to include that element of fun into his character.

10) Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation?

I knew he wasn’t going to be straight. Whether he knew that about himself yet was another story. But it’s turning out to read like he is bi, so I will definitely be sticking with that.

11) What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: Writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

So there was a scene where he got caught and basically got beaten up but a police officer (They are all working for a corrupt government and know it). I knew I wanted him to get caught and I knew he was going to get treated like a mini adult (He is 13) and that it was going to be a massive shock to him. 

But when I wrote that part, it seemed too light. He was basically being interrogated in a cell where they police have no rules. 

Then it was too harsh, like way too harsh. 

And he didn’t care if he died at this point, he thought he lost everything and in this situation he would have given up. I needed to give him a reason to fight, to be brave and not quit. He needed to get his sister back but thought there was no chance.

So I thought back to my anxiety. If i want something I can’t do it (like ask for sauce in a restaurant) but if my friend with anxiety wants it and can’t ask, you bet I’m going to try to ask for some. 

So I put in his best friend (and the guy he may or may not have a crush on) with him, but he was beaten up worse. So he could find some will to fight again.

12) How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

Oh god I have planned this so much. SO basically I had it so well planned out that me @izzytheheartbrekker and @lantern-keeper had a half hour convo about how I could get my characters to break into this one building. All the reasons they gave couldn’t work because I basically wrote myself into a corner that made it so the ideas would not work at all. They needed to break into this building to find files. The files can only be found in this building, I tried to move them but they just didn’t make sense to be anywhere else because of how I wrote the first book and the characters. But they are on the run and trying to lay low so have no reason to enter this building at all. 

They can’t just walk in. It’s guarded because of how I wrote the building in the first story. It was basically a suicide mission. But the character’s traits also held an issue. They wouldn’t break in for fun or a dare.

I did work it out in the end. 

But their story is always going and I have ideas that will never get put into the story. I have everyone’s back stories wrote that I could form another book on

13) If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

Anxiety. Anxiety controls his life. He wouldn’t do certain things or act certain way because of it. 

He loves his sister, in the book I’m currently writing (book 2) I know the first few chapters are missing their interactions. Everything that happened in book 1 was because he was trying to get his sister back, I need to remember that.

14) What is something about your OC that can make you laugh?

His cheekiness, he always answers back, and he doesn’t always mean to. 

15) What is something about your OC can make you cry?

His love for people. I cried when I wrote the scene his sister got taken, because I know how much his life revolves around her. 

‘“Trust me.”

These were the last words that Alexander said to his little sister before… well you’ll see.’ - start of chapter 9

‘Rosia didn’t look so sure. She ran towards her brother and leant against his chest. He wrapped his arms around his little sister and lent over her like a shield. Protecting her from the world outside of his warmth. If he could take all the pain away from her, he would in a heartbeat. She didn’t deserve this, she didn’t deserve any of this. His shirt felt wet against his skin and he realised they were the tears of his sister. He bent down and rested his hands on the side of her shoulders, before leaning forwards and gently kissed her forehead. Looking into her watery eyes, he tried to smile bravely. He couldn’t bare to see his sister so scared. He wiped away her tears with his sleeve and held her against his chest once again.

“We’ll be alright Rosia. We’ll make it somewhere safe tonight and then we will get away from all of this.”

Rosia lifted her head and looked at her protector. With her face red, eyes puffy and gently sobbing, she opened her mouth and gently whispered one word.

“Promise?”

Alexander stood up and held out his hand.

“Trust me.”’ - end of chapter 9, book 1

WHY DO I DO THIS?

16) Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

I want him to be an arsehole sometimes, like it would be easier to write, but he is just so darn nice and lovable. 

17) What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

He doesnt want to burden anyone, he is struggling and didn’t tell his best friend. His talent has grown out of control.

“He’s been repressing his power which means he isn’t focusing it, which means it’s growing and every time he relaxes the hold even a tiny bit, that will happen” He pointed to Alex. “and it’s only going to get worse the longer he does it. And by longer I don’t mean days, I mean hours. His mind is developing at a fast pace just as teenagers brains do, except quicker. Christ Alex we’ve spoke about this and you didn’t listen.” Theo was becoming clearly more and more agitated by the second.

“You spoke about this, without me.”

Theo looked at Alex, who looked like he was about to blackout again any second. He calmed down a bit, feeling sympathy for him. “He didn't want to worry you.”

Jathan turned to Alex, “You’re my best friend, I want to know if you’re suffering I want to help Alex.” He turned back to Theo “Isn’t this why we placed the seal in the first place so he wouldn’t lose control. Can't we just do that again?”

“You saw what happened the first time we can’t risk that again.”

“What will happen if he continues to repress it?”

“Worse case scenario, it takes over, he can’t take it, his brain shuts down. But that’s if he doesn’t give up first”

“He dies? Shit, Okay, okay and best case?” He inhaled deeply.

“It takes over, it leads his life for him until he goes mad.” He paused. “Then his brain shuts down.”

“That’s exactly the same just worded differently.”

“It’s exactly the same apart from one takes longer.”

“I am still here, and I can hear you.”

Jathan turned to Alex quickly “Shut it, you don’t get a say in this after you didn’t listen the first time.” He turned back to Theo. “So what do we do?” (First draft)

18) What is your favourite fact about your OC?

“I think the scars showed that you survived, you fought and you won. They show you were brave, that you’re stronger than you think. You got these scars so Haylan and Leo didn’t get any. That’s incredibly brave.You’re incredible…. bly brave.”

Alex looked back up and saw tears running down his face. He lunged forwards awkwardly and hugged him, succeeding in knocking him over. Jathan laughed in between sobs as Alex laid on top of Jathan.

He thinks he is smooth, but boy is he not.

I tag @immzies-adventures-through-books and anyone else who wants to do this because I have been lacking on the writeblr side so I’m not sure who writes anymore and I also tag @phantom-solitaire because they are reading my first book currently so I want to show them more of my baby

[builder051]

prompt list

I actually have 435 followers now; IDK how that happened…

Alright.  Here’s how this is going to work.  Last time I did a prompt list, I got an overwhelming response (I wrote 22 fics), and I only had 100 followers back then.  This time around, I’m instituting some rules to keep things running smoothly.

I’ll keep this event running for one week (Evening of Thursday 05 July through Evening of Thursday 12 July) OR until I receive 25 prompts (controlling for duplicates).  At that point, my inbox will close again until I’ve written all of them.  I plan to post them as I write them, so I’m not sure how many I’ll get done each day.  My goal is to write at least one prompt a day, however, don’t get upset if things get a little delayed; my leg is in a cast and I am back working full time, so I got some shit going on.

**When you ask for a prompt, please copy and paste it into the ask**  This saves me having to go back and look it up later.  It also makes it way easier to search for the posts after they’re published.

There is no length guarantee.  Some of these lend themselves to short drabbles, and others work as longer fics, so expect some variety there.  In order to appeal to everyone’s various interests, I’ve tried to mark the prompts as to whether or not they’ll feature emeto.  Per usual, most of the prompts are sickfic-, angst-, or h/c-based, but a few are comedic.  I’ve bolded a few of the fanfic prompts I’m super ecstatic about, but no pressure.  Choose whichever you like best.  If there’s something else you’re desperate to see (especially if it’s for creedless assassins, since I didn’t put them on the list), feel free to send in an ask with your own prompt, though I reserve the right to say no thanks.

Thank you so much for following and for sticking with me.  I hope this is a fun event for all of us.

My OCs: Jax Beach

1  Todd gets motion sickness when Mel brings home a VR headset (emeto)

2  Mark gets overheated and sick while he and Troy are at Pride (emeto)

3  Mel assists when Amelia is sick at work (emeto)

4  Mark tries to surprise Troy at work and take him out to dinner, but homeboy isn’t feeling up to it

My OCs: Mike & Co

5  Drunk/high Colby gets sick and spends the night on a street corner (AKA that one piece of his backstory I keep referencing but have never written about) (emeto)

6  Ash gets motion sickness while he and Hannah travel by greyhound bus (AKA that one prompt I keep meaning to get to and never do) (emeto)

7  Mike has strep and Jason threatens to quarantine her

8  Colby takes Jason to hot yoga and things go very badly (emeto)

My OCs: Bostonians (H and P are in the middle of a thing, so these are going to be either prequels to their current arc or prompts for Kris and Khalil)

9  Kris is a good Samaritan when a member of the church choir faints/gets sick (emeto)

10  Hildur drags herself to the drugstore for provisions when she’s sick with the flu

11 Kris takes a depressed Khalil out to breakfast and tries to cheer him up even though he really doesn’t want to hear it (sorry this is a super weird prompt, but it’s already a wip on my computer)

12  Pierce is determined to make it through the workday even though he’s sick and looks terrible (emeto)

Captain America

13  Pre-serum Steve takes care of a drunk Bucky (Heroverse, pre-WWII) (emeto)

14  Darcy looks out for Bucky when he’s sick at work (Powers/No Powers) (emeto)

15  More on Steve and Bucky’s “not bad for the end of the world” moment in Infinity War (could possibly go nsfw; missing moments)

16  Bucky has another seizure (Whoa Bessie) (emeto)

Irondad and Spiderson

17  Tony gives Peter a talking-to about staying up all night when he stays at the facility upstate (but sometimes you really do have to study for a Spanish quiz)

18  Tony’s injured on a mission, Peter fusses, Tony objects, and Peter pulls the “if it had happened to me, you’d be fussing” card

19  Peter throws up after doing some Spider-Man acrobatics and tries to walk it off, but he’s actually sick (emeto)

20  Tony has a panic attack in front of Peter (emeto)

Other Spider-Man

21  May tries to convince Peter he doesn’t have to go to his Stark internship when he’s sick (emeto)

22  Peter comes to school sick and ragged out, and Ned tries to guess what kind of adventures Peter was up to all night as Spider-Man (“No, dude, I’m just sick.  Gimme a break.”)

23  Peter and Shuri are working on a project and Peter’s super antsy.  Shuri asks him what’s up, and Peter tries to play it cool, but he’s super nauseated (emeto)

24  Peter’s on patrol even though he has a fever, and Karen gives him all kinds of warnings

Nat on Fire

25  Nat attempts to hide a concussion (emeto)

26  Steve and Nat have a fight about Nat’s declining health

27  Nat starts using again, and Steve finds her high

28  Flashback where Nat detoxes from cocaine before joining SHIELD (emeto)

Clint & Laura

29  Laura calls Clint in sick to work (“Sorry, Nick, Clint can’t come to the phone right now.  He’s hugging the toilet.”) (emeto)

30  It’s Clint’s turn to get up and soothe the crying baby, but when he gets out of bed, it’s all he can do to get to the bathroom before he pukes (emeto)

31  Clint and Laura have date night all planned, but Clint’s sick and they end up staying in for ginger ale and saltines (emeto)

32  When your wife tells you you don’t look so good, you should probably believe her

Science Bros

33  Tony and Bruce get drunk, and Tony’s a lot more used to it than poor Bruce (emeto)

34  Tony’s new suit upgrades go amiss and he ends up motion sick (emeto)

35  The boys work out a serum to calm Bruce down after hulking out, and it ends up doing a number on his stomach (emeto)

36  The giant bag of weed mentioned in Avengers (2012) is actually a thing

Nat & Bruce

37  Nat’s injured on a mission and in a lot of pain, Bruce hovers (emeto)

38  Bruce calms down after hulking out on a mission, Nat watches out for him (emeto)

39  Nat sleeps over in Bruce’s room and wakes early with a fever.  Cue some raised eyebrows when he starts looking for ibuprofen for homegirl while the rest of the team is eating breakfast

40  Bruce is hiding/avoiding everyone because he’s sick, and Nat just wants to check that he’s ok

Black Panther

41  T’Challa does take Shuri to Coachella, and she gets overheated

42  T’Challa takes a kick to the gut in combat and has a little trouble shaking it off (emeto)

43  T’Challa’s sick and Shuri has medication for him in her lab, but she makes him wait for her to bring it to him so he won’t vomit near her precious equipment (emeto)

44  Shuri tags along to train with Okoye and T’Challa and ends up pushing herself a bit too hard (emeto)

Daredevil

45  Foggy’s sick with a fever, and he’s super confused when he sees Matt taking care of him and running around the apartment like he’s not blind at all

46  Claire’s patching Matt up after a night of vigilante shenanigans, and he vomits from the pain (emeto)

47  Karen and Matt are alone in the office when Matt gets sick, and she’s not sure how much help he needs (ensue mega hovering) (emeto)

48  Claire suspects Matt has a concussion and calls Foggy to babysit him while she goes to work even though Matt insists he’s fine (he’s not) (emeto)

Jessica Jones (JJ/Avengers crossover)

49  Jess is belligerent and drunk; she and Nat have an argument

50  Jess is hungover (emeto)

51  Jess goes on a mission with Nat and gets injured but tries to convince Nat she’s fine

52  Nat and Jess get drunk together, and Nat doesn’t fare so well (emeto)

Criminal Minds

53  Spencer’s coming down with a bug, but being on the jet makes him sick to his stomach too (emeto)

54  JJ wakes up sick in the night and Will takes care of her (emeto)

55  Spencer’s anxious and craving drugs, so JJ comes to his aid

56  Spencer feels ill and faint at a crime scene and tries to explain that he’s not overwhelmed, he’s actually sick (emeto)

Titan A.E.

57  Akima’s reckless flying gives Cale motion sickness (emeto)

58  Cale is unwell and wandering the Valkyrie in the middle of the night when he runs into Akima

59  Alternate Cale and Korso meeting: Cale’s vomiting into a trash can and Korso comes to his aid (emeto)

60  Alternate Cale and Akima meeting: Cale’s nauseous when he wakes up injured on the Valkyrie (emeto)

[bendixreblogs]

A little trip down memory lane about my comic and what I’ve been through in the process of making it. 

Mentions of suicide, death-threats, grooming, PTSD. 

I'm so glad that I'm finally having so much fun making my comic. Every time I open my comic files, I'm just so full of joy and energy and I enjoy writing and exploring the world and my characters.

For so many years the experience of looking at my characters and trying to delve into the story, was poisoned by past experiences by people I shared it with. At the time, it seemed like the only way I *could* share it, and I’m glad I’m almost able to separate those experiences now.

SO, I have PTSD and sometimes I’m pushed back into old memories and my characters have been such a huge part of those exact memories, that they sort of go hand in hand, and sometimes it’s nice to just get those thoughts out of my head because they take up a lot of space. 

These characters have been through so much with me and I’m just glad I didn’t abandon them despite of it. I created them when I was 12 and I had a couple of friends and classmates who was into manga like me, who was into my story and encouraged me to keep working on it! 

I then got a friend who was two grades above me, I was 14/15 and they were so into the story that I was just overjoyed to share it with them, especially because they could draw and she started drawing my characters. At the time I had just moved school because I was severely bullied at my old one, and making friends was still very new to me so I latched unto her. In the end she wasn’t a very good friend and would threaten to kill herself and me if I didn’t hang out with her, she faked to faint whenever I was talking to someone else but her, so I had to take care of her, and on my 16th birthday, she faked to faint again and woke up as my character, Kain. She pretended for the entire day that she was Kain, I was so worried and horrified and fearful that it was real and that she would faint again, that I didn’t dare to leave her side and talk to my other friends (just as she wanted) and I couldn’t eat for the next two days, because she kept the act going for two days straight. She pretended to also wake up as the villain of the story which was Satan (I was 12 when I came up with this story, sssh) and threatened to kill me again if I tried to stop her or tell anyone that this was happening. 

She did a bunch of other stuff besides this and I ended up breaking contact with her completely a year or so after because my parents had continuously urged me to stop talking to her. In the end one of my very good friends told me that they couldn’t handle looking at me anymore because I was a wreck because of her. I had to tell her that I would call the police if she got near me, for her to stop talking to me. 

I very rarely drew my characters after that and ended up joining an rp group on deviantart for the first time when I was 17/18, and was instantly pulled into it - the cool people in the group were about 20+ and I wanted so bad to impress them and fit in, but I wasn’t nearly as out there as everyone else was when it came to rp’ing smut. I was honestly repulsed by it, and I tried to laugh it off when people tried to force my character together with someone else in the group, and I ended up going along with it because I didn’t dare to say no. At one point in a Skype group chat, two of the people in the chat had rp’d very hardcore porn that I woke up to reading mid-way and they told me that they did it on purpose, to shock me, and I knew then that if I wanted to fit in, this is what I had to do. I had to write about the same things as them, or not be a part of the group. I tried initiating it when I could because I genuinely thought I had to and I kept pushing my own boundaries. During this time, I was also rp’ing with my rl friends from cosplay groups, with my OC’s from my story. At the time I had given up on ever turning it into a comic, but I still wanted to do something with the characters, so I tried rp’ing with them and ofc, with loads of shipping, because that had become the norm. Especially in the cosplay community were everyone was yelling “YAOI” “RAPE” and “GLOMP” at everyone and *everything*. I was once tackled at a convention where someone yelled ‘rape’ at me and tried to pull my clothes off because I was one of their favourite characters and I had no idea how to get them off until they eventually ran off on their own, and no one did anything because everyone thought it was the norm and so I didn’t say anything and slotted that into the “I guess this is normal” box, along with everything else. 

Eventually, in the rp group, everyone began to call me a whore behind my back, which I found out because one of my friends in the group actually came to tell me about it and I felt disgusting, dirty and shameful, like I had misunderstood something or I was genuinely just a gross person through and through. I still have a lot of fond memories from those groups, and I don’t think anyone pushed me into smut-writing deliberately or with ill intent, it felt like everyone were sort of playing along with the same “this is the norm” idea. Especially the events that were hosted were super fun, so it thankfully it wasn’t all bad and I still chat to some of the people from those groups. 

I quit the rp groups all at once and instead just rp’d with a single friend at the time, both our own characters and established franchises. At the time, there was an incredibly popular artist on dA, who happened to be danish and who was attending a danish convention for the first time. Another friend of mine, who was a huge fan of her, invited her to her sweet 16 and she said yes to come along. This artist was around 27 at the time. I was at the party too, turning 18 that year, and she commented on how special and pretty my face was and that she found it so unique she had to walk around me to see it from all angles. We became friends and I suggested we do an art-collab. I drew my character Kain hugging someone because I thought hey, that’s kinda cute and I had hoped she would draw someone else hugging him back. She drew her paedophilic priest hugging him back, licking his lips and ready to rape him. 

I didn’t dare to say anything despite how uncomfortable it made me, and it was another instance of - well shit, this is just how it is apparently - and I went along with it. She told me stuff like we were fated to meet and that we both had to meet five people in every lifetime we ever live, and once we’ve met those five people, we would both die. I had apparently met about three of them, so guess how terrified I was to meet the remaining two. I felt like I depended on her and that we were connected because of the things she said, and my mental health derailed completely. We also mashed our characters together, and I offered to bend and twist my characters until they fit the likes and dislikes of hers because at this point, it meant so much to me what she thought of me and my art that I didn’t care about anything else. 

She encouraged her followers to write smutty fanfics about *us* together, which I for once told her I didn’t like, but she laughed it off and kept encouraging them. 

I lost my irl friend during this as well because I was convinced to stop writing to her, because this artist always showed interest in me and always wrote to me every single day, but my other friend didn’t, and so this friend had to “prove” herself to care - “if I stopped writing to her, would she write back?” she asked. She never did and we lost contact completely, and looking back I don’t blame her for that with everything that was going on and how affected I was by this person. 

I ended up cutting contact with this artist from one day to the next because I ended up feeling sick near her. I felt nauseous, scared, sick, clammy and uncomfortable and I blocked her from everything. We met briefly at a convention some time after and we exchanged a couple of dm’s on deviantart to try and reconcile where I was honest and told her I couldn’t stand being near her, I wasn’t sure why (at the time), but I just had to get away. 

She told me the same, that I disgusted her and she couldn’t handle being near me either and she thought I should know that everyone in the cosplay community were spreading rumours like;  “she’s the type of person who makes people fall in love with her, and then break their hearts”. 

These experiences in particular completely soiled my relationsship to my characters. It took me a while to break away from them and sometimes, because the memories are still right there in my mind and jump out at me from time to time, I feel like they’re going to physically come back to haunt me and ruin it for everyone else as well. Because of all of this, I wasn’t able to trust that I could ever make it into a story or deserved to, like I wasn’t worthy to tell it because I felt just as used and broken and bended and twisted away from my original person as my characters. I had forced myself into fitting in with people and scenarios I wasn’t supposed to fit in with, I forced my characters into that as well, and it still takes so much mental power to tell myself that I’m not a broken person and my characters are not apart of those people anymore and neither am I. 

I’m so glad I have my friends like Anja, who was there when I first created the story and she was the first to encourage me to keep working on it and she always knew the heart of it and was ready to remind me, because sometimes I’m still pushed back into old memories, I forget the heart of my story and myself and I just feel shame. 

[the-traveler-errant]

50 Not so Nice Answers about Nomad!

So there’s this post that I saw about some harder questions for OCs, and decided I’d fill it all out for Nomad! I did all 50 of them (to the best of my ability), and I’m gonna slap it beneath the break.

And as a heads-up, I reference stuff about him that I wrote about in his backstory monologue, which you can find here.

1. What is one word to shut them up?

I’m not quite sure if there’s one word specifically, but most phrases will include the word “Prophecy” or “Destiny”. Or the name of his homeland that he tries to keep a secret.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about?

His failure to stop a demon from destroying his homeland and slaughtering his people.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced?

Physical or emotional? Because Physically, I think the worst was his first few months in Glacialholde Prison, where he had to deal with a lot of wounds as a kid that toughened him up too fast. Emotionally, it was seeing the corpses of his first friends and the burning wasteland that was the remains of his country.

4. Describe their worst nightmare.

Being part of another prophecy.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.

Surface level, he has a fear of heights. He tries to repress his fear of captivity/imprisonment, mostly because he knows rationally that he can break out of almost any imprisonment. It just sort of reminds him of his past in Glacialholde.

His deep dark fear is just the idea that the future is set in stone, and everything he’s built his life around is a lie, and his cursed existence really is for nothing.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick?

Betrayal of any kind. The idea of turning your back on someone for personal gain is appalling, and sickens him to his core.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves?

Well, he doesn’t like the fact that everything about him is built and bred for war, for combat. With his curse forcing him to constantly reincarnate and draw him toward war, he feels as if he’ll never find peace, and worries about whether or not the curse is just that he draws war/strife toward him, as opposed to seeking it out.

He also doesn’t like how wonky his nose is because of how many times people have smashed it with something heavy.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them?

Prophecies in general. He gets irrationally angry about them, and refuses to acknowledge any legitimacy with them. He will do everything he can to prove it wrong, especially if it says only one Magic Object TM can save the day.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness?

He’s not graceful, so much as he knows how to stick a landing. Also his nose. It’s like a magnet that draws blunt objects to it.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness?

Nomad has an extremely hard time with tact and subtlety. He speaks his mind, for better or worse, and therefore is an extremely bad negotiator. He’s also got a terrible poker face, and wears his heart on his sleeve, making it easy for others to know exactly how he feels and play that to their own advantage.

11. Do they have any vices?

He loves getting into a good brawl, and thinks fights can be fun if done right. He doesn’t exactly start fights, but he’s also almost never going to say no to one. Especially if he sees something like a bar brawl, he loves how that’s just a sort of chaos that usually doesn’t end in serious injuries.

“Serious” meaning that if someone breaks a couple of bones, they can still walk it off.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it?

Well, he tries to stay on the straight-and-narrow path of good, but he’s had to bend the rules a bit. He’s assaulted officers of the law, broken out of prisons, stolen things like food and clothes, fought a lot of people, etc. While it was done with the best intentions and it was something that needed to be done, he’s still sort of nonplussed when people point out he’s openly broken laws.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them?

So should I point out the obvious one? Because I mean, I could say wrath, and at this point everyone would be like, “Duh-Doy, Sean!”

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… )?

So when it comes to outbursts, it’s usually him getting mad because he knows that sometimes he can’t smash all of his problems, especially when it’s someone being stubborn about getting into a kind of trouble that Nomad isn’t sure he can protect them from. He doesn’t know how to tell them that he’s getting mad because he’s terrified of losing someone else, because it’d reveal more of his past than he’d care to tell others.

15. Who do they hate the most?

He really does not like people who try to say the future is set in stone, and hates tyrants, as well as people who owe loyalty only to themselves.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?

Truly righteous people, the kind who live out the tenants of their religion in a quiet and humble way and still manage to be the kindest and gentlest souls in the face of any kind of ordeal. They make him think about how crude and violent he is in comparison, and he respects and admires the hell out of those sorts of people. The ones who don’t judge, but offer help because they want to, and it’s just coincidental that their gods teach them to do the same.

17. What sound always gives them a headache?

The sound of anyone explaining politics. Big old debates and stuff like that tire him out and make him think about how unnecessary a lot of it is, at least in his opinion.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them?

Cabbage in general. Can’t stand the stuff.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly?

Yep! Ugly as sin, but it usually doesn’t bother him.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable?

He’s wondered about if he’s not going to find true love in a romantic sense, but it usually doesn’t bother him. Whenever Nomad sees others in love, he just feels like it’s a reminder to him that he has something to protect. As for personal love, romantic, someone always there for you type love, he doubts it. He’s not sure if he can manage it with how much he roams around, and the fact that he thinks of himself as a hulking slab of muscle with little to offer in the brains department.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety?

Meeting with sages, being judged by someone he respects, anytime the word “Prophecy” is mentioned, etc.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses?

He has PTSD regarding how much he’s lost, and it usually manifests in his need to defy anyone who says he has a fate or something like that.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped?

Yes, he’s been attacked, mugged, and beaten in prison and before that when he was just a homeless orphan on wintery streets.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped?

Not anymore. May the Gods help the poor sod who think he’s worth robbing.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust?

Yes, in his travels he’s been stabbed in the back a few times, mostly because he’s too willing to trust others. And at other times, it’s because politics sold out the people he was trying to protect, for the sake of a few extra coins.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured?

Oh plenty of times. He’s a warrior, he’s gotten injured more times than anyone can count, and learned from each and every one of those mistakes. He’s been burned, gutted, stabbed, impaled, broken, battered, and everything in between. It’s not something he’s exactly proud of, but he’s glad to say that he’s survived just about all of it.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital?

More times than he can keep track of! Though usually he leaves sooner than most doctors would recommend.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them?

Selfish cowards who are afraid only for themselves, and care only about their own worthless hides and wouldn’t do a single thing to help someone else if it meant coming into their own harm.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them?

This is a kind of weird question. Is it the idea that he fears something in the future? Or the workings of someone in a different place? Is he scared of invisible demons?

The answer to all of those is mostly no. He fears for others, but his own personal safety is something that’s never been a priority.

30. Have they ever been bullied?

As a kid, yeah, he got bullied for being a little urchin that had to survive on his own, and before he started to participate in Glacialholde’s “games”, his rations would constantly be stolen from him. As an adult, he doesn’t really have that same problem, though he does deal with constant insults and jibes from nobles who look down on him for being a “mindless savage”.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues?

Aside from doubting his ability to properly do social stuff, not really! He worries about how he intimidates everyone he meets just by existing, but he’s not one to let it dominate his thoughts or stew on it.

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents?

Can’t have one if they’re dead!

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well?

Romantic wise, no. I mean, you can argue that his first friendship with his companions didn’t end well, seeing as they were burned to a crisp.

34. Have they ever self harmed?

So this is a weird one. He hasn’t ever self-harmed in a conventional sense, but he’s gone through periods where he’s thrown himself into reckless battles and thrown a lot of his sense of self-preservation to the wind. It’s a manifestation of his guilt, and the idea that he sometimes feels like he can’t keep fighting and just hopes that someone will take him down. He doesn’t want to end his life and spit in the face of his friends’ memories, but he also just gets tired of it all sometimes. He feels like he’s made major mistakes and needs to have some sort of punishment enacted on him.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

He’d make his nose unbreakable. The rest of his body is alright, but damn it, if everything is going to go for his nose, he’s going to make sure it stops being so annoying.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them?

Half-and-half. He never bothers to hide his emotions and can get angry easily, but he usually does a good job of controlling himself when it comes to making decisions.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away?

See above, with all the references to the Glacialholde prison.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned?

SEE ABOVE.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do?

He was accused of murder when he was a child, and several other things later as an adult, but that first bit was what started him on his path to begin with.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems?

A good chunk of the time, yes. He’s the muscle, if someone gets hurt under his watch, he feels like he should have done something more, even though he knows that there’s sometimes nothing he can do.

41. Do they get sick often?

Nope! He hardly gets sick thanks to having an incredibly tough constitution that almost makes it impossible for diseases to touch him.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life?

Some days he is, some days he isn’t.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts?

When he thinks about it, he usually doesn’t want to. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to do a lot of the things he can do today, or save a lot of the lives he’s encountered through his adventures and wanderings.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

Live in peace and work on a farm.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience?

Believe it or not, he’s actually more happy than angry/sad in most situations. He’s a thrillseeker, he loves challenges, and just seeing the peace he’s helped to preserve and create (when it’s not about to be ruined) is something that he takes a sort of pride in.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide?

Yep!

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide?

Not in the conventional sense. See above, regarding self harm.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill?

He’s a warrior/soldier/adventurer, there’s a lot of people he’d be okay with doing it to.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through.

Alright this one doesn’t really fit well into me answering it on my own.

50. Create your own!

This one too.

[maahistrash]

all of them >:3 all the asks

OH WOW THIS BLOG’S FIRST ASK !!!!! OKAY VERY LONG POST AHEAD🕸 1. Who’s the oldest character of yours that you still use?vincent and francis! my boys have been through a fuck ton of development, from halloween of 2015 to now.. they used to be youtuber ocs, and.. well.. yeah i love them both with all my heart!!!⭐️ 2. Who’s the oldest character of yours, defunct or not?a pegasus named raven who is highkey defunct  (mlp oc oof) but lmao her story makes me think i should give her an arc, and maybe put her in another form.. 💡 3. Has creating a character ever made you realize something about yourself?a bunch of times this has happened actually.. vin made me realize im not straight, nargis made me realize im not cis at all, and vin/nate really made me realize how much i self-project, esp in vin’s case🦋 4. Any minor characters that have either taken over or branched off into their own stories?nar was originally supposed to be a very side character, but his concept hit me right in the spot and i wanted to make him a main oc! and kenny has branched off into his own story, so has alde!🐲 5. Do you prefer to make human, animal, monster, or _____ characters? Why?i like humanoid ocs better bc its a more familiar thing to me? its easier  for me to write human-like ocs than animals, but monsters are also REALLY FUN. demons are fair game, usually my ocs are humans with powers, or humanoids as i say.elves also  play a big role in my stories but i guess that also counts as humanoid!🎨 6. When creating a character, do you come up with the visual concept or the written concept first?it really depends on the kind of oc itself but usually i write up the backstory before i even try designing. that way its easier for me to add elements of their past in their appearance, for consistency i.e. scars, birthmarks, style, etc.📌 7. Do you have characters that you know you’ll never use, but can’t bear to get rid of/recycle?elijah :( i dont think i can fit him anywhere in the big story arc and that makes me sad bc i really love his concept! (he’s a half-swedish half-american water witch with gay moms) (and his last name is jerkeryoff… he was a joke oc i fell in love with)💖 8. Is there a character that embodies your good traits, or traits you wish you had?fran or nar have traits i wish i had. theyre both sweet, helpful, unselfish, and though fran’s slightly more a pushover than nar, they’ve both gone through hell and come back shining and stronger. i wish i could do that. i hope i can.💔9. Is there a character that embodies your bad traits? Several characters? Which ones and what traits?i put a bit of myself in all my ocs, and it shows sometimes. vin has a lot of my bad traits (mentally ill [badly], prone to addiction, self-doubt, actually self-loathing really) and nate does too (selfishness, aggressive, mouth runs before brain does)rip♨️ 10. Is there a character that explores your interests or fetishes (orrrr is that just all of you characters)?interests? yes. vin does music, which im VERY interested in, and fran is really interested in space and astrology, like me! fetishes? ………….maybe…. talk to me to find out :^)✒️ 11. If you have characters that embody certain traits of yours—good or bad—has writing them changed how you view those traits? Has it affected you in any way?yeah. it’s been both, tbh. vin’s family drama  and stuff and how it affected him kinda helped me, or is helping me, get through shit. it’s changed my view on divorce. not really elaborating but yeah. fran’s anxiety also worked this way, and his shyness too. the more i wrote of these things, the more i realized how much i empathized. then i realized i self project lmaO💭 12.  Do you fantasize about being any of your characters, or are you more detached?if i was detached from my kids would i make a separate blog for them and have tags……… i love them and i think abt them all the time,,, fantasizing is the #1 reason i have any backstories whatsoever!🎵 13. Do you create playlists for your characters?ive been WANTING to for a WHILE but theres so many ocs and not enough time. one day i will .. i can’t use spotify because its banned where i live so maybe youtube or 8tracks? idk but when i end up making these lists i will share them!!!🎇 14. When writing for specific characters, is there anything you have to do to get into the right mindset?oh yeah def!! i need to be able to relate to the character, and see myself in their shoes, otherwise it’s hard for me to write them properly !!🌻 15. Which character is your guilty pleasure?cam…. for sure audsdafhnai he’s what i aspire to be honestly🌩 16. Is there a character of yours who’s a real struggle to write/draw? Why do you think that is?nobody really, i have a good time writing/drawing all my ocs! 🔑 17. Which character is the easiest to draw/write?the ones ive had for a longer time, i find, are easier for me to write.. so fran/vin, honestly. ive had growth with them, it’s kinda like we went through development together, and we did!!💎 18. Is there anything you really wish you could do, character-design-wise, that you feel is outside your current skillset? A concept that you wish you could pull off but are uncertain about?yeah… i wish i could pull off demons and stuff related to them. i want to make my lore super deep but then it’s not easy bc i barely have time to give, and demons in my universe would be super immersed in the lore. or um.. yknow, ships within my own ocs, instead of other peoples.🏆 19. What’s more important to you: visual design, unique personality, a trendy character aesthetic, etc? If you’re not sure, then what’s the first thing you usually nail down in a character?the first thing i nail down in a character is how theyre related to the big story. this means how they can be linked to other ocs, relationships, familial or friendly, or even past romances. then i figure out their personality from these things, and then i make the design! to me an in-depth personality is more important than anything, it’s a key to character  development. people think cool designs are all that matters, but to grab attention, a complex character makes sense. of course, i feel this because i’m planning to write a book, not make comics. visual appeal does exist ! and i believe in it. but i link personality to looks, and making the personality complex is more realistic and it’s easier to avoid mary sues then.🎬 20. Do you ever plan to do anything (comic, animation, etc) with your characters? Or are you just happy to have them?originally i never wanted to write a book with my kids! i was content just roleplaying. but one of my friends said that they have potential in a story arc, and that the way these people are connected is interesting (this is 2016, with my first three, and oldest ocs, fran, vin, and nate) i was really happy to hear that and got interested in writing a book, hopefully a series, with my ocs! and i plan to make this happen!!!thank u for asking, droki!!

[3one3]

The Sequel - 877

Nurse Schü

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Time to wake up, Prinzessin.”

“Nuh.”

“Just for a little.”

“Go way.”

“I need you to eat something. I know you don’t want to, but you’ll feel better.”

“No.”

“I made soup. I really made it. I boiled a chicken and everything. My mom FaceTimed. Just have a little?”

“No.”

“You have to get up anyway because we need to talk about the horse show. You need to decide whether or not to ship the horses tonight.”

Christina sneezed, wiped her nose with the disgusting tissue she’d been keeping inside her blanket, and turned over to bury her face in a cooler section of pillow. André rubbed her shoulder and looked on pityingly, wishing he could make her feel better. She was about 36 hours into some sort of flu, suffering from fever, runny and stuffy nose, cough, nausea, and vomiting. Technically the vomiting was on pause because she hadn’t eaten anything since the previous day. It was almost 5pm, and her husband and de facto nurse really wanted her to get some food in her system. He brought her toast in the morning and it was still there in the afternoon, along with the red Jell-O Espen made for her while he was at training. Luise told him to offer her some clear chicken broth with white rice, and Christina said many times throughout their relationship that store-bought chicken soup isn’t any good for sick people because it’s full of salt and mystery ingredients. When André and Lukas got sick, they got homemade soup. Luise knowingly suggested he could fudge her rule since she probably wasn’t going to have more than a couple spoonfuls anyway, but her son wanted to make it himself regardless. It at least made him feel useful. Nothing he did for his poorly wife seemed to make her feel any better. She just wanted to be left alone in bed with her stuffed zebra, her tissues, and her Murder She Wrote reruns. She hardly ever got sick that way, and it was extra hard on her. She was convinced getting sick was the universe’s way of punishing her for not only having but telling Juan, in detail, about her Marcos Alonso and Alvaro Morata threesome fantasy.

“Chris? Please sit up for just a minute?” The BVB man kept trying. He reached to touch her hair, and she surprised him by turning onto her back and actually opening her tired, dull eyes.

“I don’t feel good,” she croaked. Her throat was sore from the post-nasal drip and all the coughing, and it made her voice raspy.

“I know, pretty girl. Did you take the medicine?” André glanced at the nightstand, at the bottles and boxes of drugs meant to ease the symptoms rather than cure the illness. Her new doctor said there was nothing for the bug but prescribed a list of over-the-counter remedies for the cough, the runny nose, the stomach, and the general achiness. Christina nodded and clutched at her throat. It was killing her. She kept alternating between rubbing at it and touching her raw nose, as if either thing might relieve the pain. “Can you try some soup? It’s pretty good. Mama said I’d know if I did it right if it came out really clear, and it looks clear to me.” Her caregiver picked up the deep coffee mug of chicken broth and rice. His mom suggested the mug because Christina could eat from it without having to sit up much, it wouldn’t slosh out like from a wide bowl, and she could drink from it if that was easier. Christina looked at it but didn’t express any interest.

“Luke?” she asked hoarsely instead.

“I taught him how to do a Rabona. He’s practicing in the garden with Espen.”

“Is he-“

“He’s not getting sick. He’s fine.” André’s reassurance about their little boy reminded her that she wanted a fresh tissue. She held her icky one up out of the blanket, and André picked up the waste basket from the floor so that she could put it directly in there. He was trying to avoid getting sick too. “Want me to feed you?” he asked with a burgeoning grin. It was just a few days ago she was looking at those pictures of the old man feeding his wife ice cream in the car and asking me if I would feed her ice cream when she’s ancient. I think it’s going to be the other way around. I think she’s going to be taking care of me. I can handle spooning some soup for her now though, he laughed inside.

“Drink.”

“Have this instead, if you’re thirsty. You don’t have to have the rice. It’s just broth and rice. No vegetables. I hardly put any seasoning in.” Come on, eat something, he willed her. You can’t fight off a bug if your system is weak, and I bet now her stomach and her head hurt because she’s hungry. The freezing, pale rider shook her head. She wanted the severely watered down sports drink she’d barely sipped all day. There was no need for her to reiterate that she was deathly afraid any kind of nutrition would have her scrambling for her “barf bowl” again, and that swallowing anything was incredibly painful. He held the cup for her and moved the bendy straw so she could get to it without having to move much. “Tom says if you want to be able to compete on Saturday then your horses absolutely have to go down tonight so that he can do the jog thing with them in the morning. Do you think you’ll be well enough to ride Saturday? Probably not, right?”

Christina was supposed to compete in a German Masters event about 90 minutes away at the weekend. It was a bit of a last minute thing. The organizers decided to donate all the admission proceeds to a local family trying to survive a double cancer diagnosis. The husband and wife were a breeder and trainer combo, and found their colon and breast cancers just three months apart. They had three young children, and 16 horses, and were going to struggle mightily to keep their stable operating. The horse show sent invitations to all of Germany’s biggest stars, most of whom wouldn’t have had a reason to compete there. Christina signed up right away so that they could use her to help draw crowds, and she lobbied her friends to go too. A few said yes. Most were already committed to other events for the weekend. If it had been any other situation, André wouldn’t have even asked her about going. He would have just told Tom she was too sick, and not given her a choice. It broke his heart when she shook her head again to confirm that there was no way she could make it, because he knew it was breaking her heart too.

“The kids should still go,” she added in her sore throat whisper. “We’ll write a check.”

“Okay. I know you want to go, pretty girl, but you need to get better. Everyone will understand.” The player took the cup away when she released her straw, and he offered her a fresh tissue from the box on the nightstand. Christina accepted it and dragged it inside her cocoon like some kind of terrible beast hauling a proffered carcass into the cave in which it was chained. Then she tugged her comforter up to her ears and wriggled back to her left side. That meant “go away now”. “I’ll leave the soup in case you want some later. Maybe when you take the next doses of the medicine? I think one of them is supposed to be with food. Text if you need anything, okay, Prinzessin? You have your phone in there?” He saw the bun on her head move back and forth and took that as affirmation on all points.  

I hope this doesn’t last long, André thought on his way downstairs. Mausi doesn’t understand why he can’t see her. He knows she’s here, but she’s not around and he can’t go visit. And her horses need to be ridden. And her tossing and turning all night to switch which side of her nose is stuffed kept me up most of the night too. I hate that she’s miserable. She has a pretty high threshold for discomfort and inconvenience so I know she really feels terrible. For her to go to the doctor for something other than her ankle is a big deal too. She didn’t even have one here until yesterday.

“Is she feeling any better?” Espen asked him when he stepped outside. She was sitting on the low step from the patio down to the grass, watching Lukas run around to kick his little football Rabona-style. Spencer and Lucky were chewing on sticks and supervising as well.

“No.”

“Did she try the soup?”

“No.”

“She can be so stubborn,” the nanny sighed with no small dose of resentment. She was in charge of looking after the rider while André was out.

“I don’t want to eat anything when I’m sick either,” he shrugged.

“I guess you wasted your time going to the market for the chicken and everything.”

“She’ll want it eventually. I don’t mind. She always makes it for me when I get bad colds, which is a lot. She even mixes fruit juices for me to balance the pH so it doesn’t upset my stomach.”

“Mhm.”

“Looking good, Mausi! Pass it over here.”

Lukas picked up his ball and ran to Daddy with it. He was at a stage where he understood enough of what adults said to him that they often forgot that he didn’t understand all of it. Sometimes he just thought he did, or he guessed. Sometimes André was confused by his confusion at first. He’d stare at him with a skeptical sort of frown on his face and wonder what he was thinking. His wife was better at deducing the tiny child’s train of thought. Mistaking “pass it over here” for “bring it over here” wasn’t a big mystery, though he was sure Lukas knew the difference. They were playing a lot of football together lately.

“Let’s do goals, Daddy,” the smaller Schü suggested. He handed over the football and then pointed at the small goal by his playhouse.

“Do you want to try doing the Rabona into the goal? You’d be a better player than me if you pulled that of in the match,” the bigger one chuckled. He dropped the ball in the grass to toe it along, and let Lukas take his hand to escort him toward the goal.

They took turns trying to cross their right legs behind the left to strike the tiny ball into the similarly small goal, and the younger player had some trouble. He kept trying to look at the ball. Usually he looked down to his left at it, but a few times he tried to look all the way behind himself from the right, and spun around, and made his dad laugh hysterically. He fell over a few times. The professional footballer eventually deduced that Lukas’ cap was part of the problem. It was a bit big on him and it fell forward into his eyes when he looked all the way down.

“Why don’t we take it off?” Dad suggested when Child grew frustrated.

“No more goals. I don’t want to do goals. It doesn’t go in!” Lukas whined. André squatted to address the hat situation and the discouragement too.

“You can’t just quit. Here.” He turned the red Ferrari cap around backwards so that the brim wouldn’t get in his way anymore, and he used his long reach to get the ball and roll it closer. “Mommy won’t let you wear Vettel’s hat if you quit. He doesn’t quit. That’s why she likes him. You know how she’s been yelling at the TV a lot lately when we watch the cars?”

“The fast cars! Rooooooooom, rooooooom, pew, pew, pew!” His son was into the somewhat tame sound of the current generation of Formula 1 engines.

“Vettel’s car keeps breaking and Mommy gets upset. She almost cried last week, remember? But Vettel keeps going. He even smiles. He just thinks about next time. So if you wear his hat, you have to smile and keep trying too. That’s why Mommy gave you the hat. You like the hat, yeah?” Lukas nodded and lifted his right foot to rest it on the ball. “Ready to try?” Again the little blonde nodded, and his encouraging chaperone set him up in front of the goal with the ball in the right place and demonstrated the technique for him again. Lukas did his best, and the ball slowly crawled toward the goal. André gave it a little help with his toe since it was lacking momentum. It was on target, so it still counts, he rationalized. Lukas was waiting to see if he was supposed to celebrate or not, so he turned around as soon as it went in and thus gave him permission to celebrate too. They jumped around together and did high-fives.

After that they practiced some more conventional shooting, which allowed the aspiring striker more physical power and thus enough oomph to get the ball into the net on his own, and from a little further out. Sometimes he enjoyed running to fetch the ball more than kicking it. Sometimes he ran to get it before it even finished rolling into the goal. He also enjoyed kicking it into the temporary mesh fence around the swimming pool, because it bounced back and he never knew where it would go or where he would have to run to retrieve it. Spencer and Lucky usually liked that game too, but they were more into their sticks on Thursday evening. André tried putting them in bed with Christina to keep her company, or at least extra warm, but they didn’t like her tossing and turning either and reappeared downstairs while he was making the soup. He thought maybe they were just feeling spiteful because she was gone for 6 days and then came back and more or less went straight to bed. The rider was already showing signs of what was to come when she left Barcelona. Juan even texted André to warn him that she was getting sick and already resisting taking anything or planning to see a doctor. He told him to make sure she went, or at least got a basket of drug store remedies for her nose and throat situations.

The sneezing and runny nose started on Monday. They thought it was just allergies, especially in light of their visit to the botanical garden. Then Christina didn’t feel well after dinner on Monday night. Her tummy felt “weird”. But she and Juan ate their way through the Boqueria during the day, mixing all different kinds of foods and all different courses, including a lot of dessert-like sweets and spicy meat. They had horchata later, and then a late night dinner. It would have been weird if she didn’t feel weird at bedtime. The nausea didn’t go away when she got up, and their further adventuring was tempered by the addition of chills and aches. The rider was feeling pretty miserable by the time she got to the airport to go home, which was where Juan made his third and final pitch for some decongestant and a fever reducer. Her chief objection was that cold and flu medications put her to sleep and she wanted to be awake and alive to do things with Lukas, André, and the horses, not be sick. The Spaniard pointed out that denying she was sick wouldn’t stop her from being sick. Both players knew her MO, and commiserated together over how difficult she could be about such things. By Wednesday morning Christina was ready to admit defeat and see a doctor. First she had to throw up several times.

“Time for dinner!” Espen called to the blonde ballers around 7. She gave André a grocery list when he went to get the soup ingredients. They were continuing to take advantage of Christina’s absence by enjoying fish for dinner. The nanny made the lady of the house’s sheet pan blackened cod recipe, with sweet potatoes and zucchini. Lukas was adopting his dad’s penchant for smothering everything in his mom’s garlic-lime guacamole, so Espen had to make that too. She was a better baker than she was a chef, but she could pretty capably follow Christina’s basic recipes. She always left a list of “suggestions” for meals when she went out of town, and usually stocked the refrigerator and pantry accordingly. Sometimes Espen just made whatever she felt like making though. She winged it on Thursday since she wasn’t even supposed to be there, and Christina was too ill on Wednesday to do the shopping as planned. André and Lukas didn’t really care. They both conned her into special request meals while Christina was in Spain. The baby got crunchy baked fish and chips one night. The footballer got thick cut pork chops fried with onion and apples, and a mountain of delicious, buttery mashed potatoes to go with it. There was no cauliflower in sight.

“Put the ball away and we’ll go wash our hands, mm?” he called after Lukas, who cut and run as soon as he heard the word “dinner”. The little Ferrari fan reluctantly stopped and turned around to get his football. His father tried very hard to honor and enforce Christina’s code of conduct when she wasn’t available to do it herself. Lukas definitely got away with more on his watch than hers, but it wasn’t a free for all. André never sought credit for that unless it came up as a joke or something. He just wanted to be consistent for the child, and make his wife’s life easier. He spent enough time around Marco, Zoe, and Noah to see how difficult Zoe’s life could be because Noah had totally different rules and expectations for his behavior on his dad’s watch. André was all about trying to make Christina’s life easier, or at least not making it harder. He checked on her once more while Lukas used the stepladder to wash his hands in the kitchen sink. She hadn’t tried the soup.

“I don’t want anything,” she repeated when he offered again to help her eat it. “Can you come back after you eat? Sit with me?” Her face was very red and she’d peeled her comforter down to about her waist for ventilation- evidence that she was going through the sweating part of freezing and sweating. Getting into bed with a sweaty flu victim really didn’t appeal to her husband. She’s either feeling a little better or feeling a lot worse if she wants company now though, he reckoned, taking in her sad, hopeful expression and otherwise pretty unfortunate state.

“Okay. I’m going to bring some fresh soup though and you have to try a little. And you can’t wipe your nose on me.” The BVB man wrinkled his nose in displeasure at the idea of being used as a tissue, which both his wife and his kid were known to do from time to time. It wasn’t so bad if it was just regular everyday snot that ended up on his arm or whatever. He didn’t want flu cooties. A quick flash of relief in Christina’s eyes reminded him that even the drawbacks to having to repay a partner for all the times she looked after you could actually be satisfying little perks.

“What about Mommy?” Lukas asked him a few minutes later, at the dining room table. The boys and the nanny each had a plate of food, and André told him he could start eating right away. He was used to waiting until whoever served his dinner said he could dig in, and used to that being whenever everyone was seated, though sometimes he was eating alone at the counter while Christina did other things around the kitchen. She usually tried to at least sit with him while he ate, even if she was having something else later, or going out after.

“She still doesn’t feel well,” Dad told him. “Do you want to make a card for her before bedtime? Oh, do you mind staying to do bedtime with him?” André pivoted to ask Espen. She was supposed to be off-duty after dinner. “Chris asked me to bring her some new soup and sit with her.”

“Suuuuuure,” the nanny replied with mock enthusiasm.

“Sorry. I want to take advantage while she’s willing to try to eat.”

“Yeah.”

“I like soup,” Lukas reminded everybody.

“Hopefully Mommy likes the soup and it makes her feel better. You can do a card for her. Wait, do you know about cards?”

“He’s made you birthday, Father’s Day, and Valentine’s cards.”

“Which cards?” he asked with what his dad deemed a really cute amount of confusion in his already adorable features.

“You give someone a card that says you hope they get better soon,” André explained while Lukas gave up working with his fork and picked up a cube of roasted sweet potato. “You can draw one for her. Draw like...a picture of her playing with you, or Mommy on her horses, or just Mommy smiling. Then she knows you love her and you want her to feel better.”

“I love Mom. She knows.” Lukas was very confident in this knowledge. His nanny told him to use the fork and stop talking with his mouth full, so he swallowed the potato and tried the fork again.

“How does she know?” André asked in the mean time. Does he even know what love is? He hears “I love you” like 90 times a day, but does he know what it means? I’ve heard Chris try to explain love to him since he was just a day old. I don’t think I had any idea what love is until I was like 20 though. I bet he has a really funny reason, like “Mommy knows I love her because I like bananas”.

“She does...” The tiny blonde did an exaggerated scowl to demonstrate what he was trying to say. “I say sorry and do a kiss. Mommy...” His next expression was a big smile, and he held his arms out like to welcome someone into a hug. “Love you, Mun-ken. Love you, Mommy.”

“He’s going to break all the hearts.” Espen shook her head ruefully while André grinned with pride and awe and congratulated his son on already knowing exactly how to handle women. What a genius! He’s already learned how to get out of trouble. You can mess up all you want as long as you say sorry and give good kisses.

“I draw animals for her. Mommy likes.”

“Okay. After dinner, draw some animals for her and I’ll show her. Then maybe tomorrow she can come down to play.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

“Stop talking with food in your mouth,” the nanny reminded again.

“Sorry!” Lukas continued chewing but kissed his hand and then flung it in her direction, clearly thinking this would absolve him of guilt. André laughed and almost choked on the fish.