#sometimes in the past i would do a piece i really really liked the anatomy on but i couldnt figure out why i wasnt Always drawing like that

[bbeelzemon]

i started taking a supplement that latimers psych recommended as an over the counter adhd aid (the only one he has Ever been able to find evidence actually works, he usually suggests using it with stimulants too but i dont have a psych myself so im making due with just the over the counter stuff for now) and he said the first month you wont notice hardly any changes, but after that first month as it builds up in your system you might start noticing things getting better than before

anyway its been about a month and a half now and ive realized over the past couple of days: 1) i think it is working! and 2) holy shit my adhd was affecting my art so much? i didnt realize just how quickly i would previously get bored of sketching before wanting to move onto the next step, the past couple things ive drawn have been like. so lovingly handcrafted, i spend so much time now just really thinking about exactly the image in my head and how to put it to paper.

And like apparently i guess i have a somewhat photorealistic memory when it comes to human anatomy but i just never noticed because i was always getting too bored to ever actually figure it out for more than an hour. its coming to me so brainlessly too i feel like im sculpting with pixels to match the image in my head, rather than Drawing. i feel like i just took my training weights off and now im fucking unstoppable

[sunshine-theseus]

Bia | Kyra Cooney-Cross x Reader

Words: 2.8k Summary: you create your own boots and meet the most beautiful girl  - sorry I also used this to info dump about the necessity for boots designed specifically for women to lower injury risks Warnings: none i think. lemme know if there are any requested by - @hottiedogs375 i hope you enjoy, it's probably not my best :( definitely not as good as pequeña i think

My family was more of a cricket family than a football one. I wasn’t really fond of either, the shouting was always too much, and the food was somehow sloppy yet rock hard at the same time. Even when we watched at home. The living room would be full of sweaty angry men, sometimes my mum and sister would join if our team was actually doing well. Meanwhile you’d find me in my room at the very back corner of the attic, my room, with headphones on to block out the noise, usually designing something.

Despite the cricket background, I found myself intrigued by the design of women’s football kits. In my design and technology class in year 13, I fell down a research rabbit hole on football boots for women. It was then I discovered the lack of adaptation for the shoe. Women often just wear smaller sizes of boots designed for men, which has been one of the factors in the increase in injuries in the women’s game and I’d decided I wanted to fix that.

That’s how I found myself in front of a crowd, made up of possible brand ambassadors and sponsors, as well as a range of women’s athletes from across the world, pitching my idea.

“And that’s why brands like Bia are important to the growth of women’s football. The shape of the boot, the length of studs, the sole support, they’re all contributing factors to how players perform. When women footballers use the men’s boots, which is basically the only option, they aren’t going to grow used to the details designed for male anatomy. It’s causing stress on not only their feet but every ligament, every bone, every piece of them is suffering because they have to try and adapt to things they can’t possibly adapt to.” I felt like the closing of my speech was rather strong, especially as I watched players and possible sponsors stand to clap. The noise echoes throughout the auditorium and a happiness bubbles within me.

“Thank you for providing me this opportunity. Please, if anyone has any questions.” I gesture to the stand-up microphone in the middle aisle, and people rush to line up.

“What made you intent on creating a boot specifically for women, risking money and time on something people have tried to do before? Something you knew wasn’t guaranteed to work?”

“I know it’s funny, but my family was not a football one, so I didn’t grow up knowing much about the game. But in my a-levels design and technology class, we had to research an issue prevalent in an existing design, and I for some reason was just drawn to the idea that women don’t even get the choice of having a boot made for them. I found it unfair and uncaring. Everyone expects women to play at the same level as men yet won’t provide them with the necessary equipment to do so without them having to risk, quite possibly their career. And I couldn’t just move on after the class, I knew that I had to do something about it. So I’ve spent the past 3 years perfecting the design and building the brand, to be here in front of you all today.” Another round of applause is heard throughout the room before the next person steps up.

She’s a footballer, that I know. Young, no older than 21, my age. And very very pretty.

“This question probably isn’t quite as important as that one but, what made you pick the name Bia? It just seems like an interesting name.” people chuckle at the question, and the (newly discovered) Australian shyly looks around.

“No, I love this question. Bia is the Greek goddess of force and raw energy. She’s actually Nike’s sister, the goddess of victory and very obviously the brand. I think Bia resembles a lot of things within female athletes. They have this driving force and unbelieve power that they bring, and it just felt so right.”

“That’s sick. Can I also quickly ask, sorry, are these boots made for every female athlete? Like can someone in track and field use these or are they just for footballers?” the girl smiles brightly after her question, and I have to remember not to lose focus.

“While the primary focus is obviously footballers, I have researched the compatibility of boots between sports and yes, a professional sprinter like Sharika Jackson can use them just as well as you or Alexia Putellas could. And of course as the brand grows we’ll be able to develop even further and broaden our research further in creating boots fit for anyone.”

-

Questions carry on for a while, then I disappear behind the curtain that’s suspended behind me, rushing to remove my microphone. Eventually I slide out the side door and reach the separate room booked for ‘mingling’ after the panel.

Between talking to rich people desperate to make it seem like they care about others, and athletes who are very eager to know everything they can about the shoe, I try to keep an eye out for the nameless Australian. Every time I think I’ve spotted her; it seems she disappears. Bodies keep moving and she seems to be one of them.

Then I bump into someone. We both go stumbling but she catches me just before I head for the floor.

“I am so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going.” And there she was, the girl I’d been looking for.

“No, no need to apologise. I’m Y/n.” I give her a hand to shake.

“Kyra.” There’s a pause before she continues.

“I’m a big fan of your boot. It’s truly incredible.” It’s hard not to blush and sputter out random sounds at her praise.

“Thank you. I’m really hoping this function works out.”

“Well I was thinking, when it does, if you need ‘a face of Bia’…”

“Oh my god yes that would be amazing. Seriously you have no idea how cool that would be.”

We talk for quite some time, and she sticks by my side when someone else comes to talk and ask question. When it’s time to go home we exchange numbers and that’s the first and last time I see her for a while.

-

5 months later is the next time I see Kyra in person. We’d both been travelling a lot, me for sponsors, ambassadors, and athletes, her for work. I’d expected to meet with her a few more times before we kick started the ‘face of Bia’ photoshoots, but as the fates had it, we found ourselves in a large warehouse, photo equipment, and many boxes of my shoes filling the space.

It suddenly all started to feel very real, and that made me nervous. So I packed myself into a small room in the corner as I tried to calm down, hoping the isolation and quiet would help me feel better.

Not even 2 minutes in, someone is following and taking a seat next to me.

“You right?” the voice is familiar and smooth.

“Yeah, yeah of course I am. It’s not like the biggest thing I’ve ever worked for in my life is basically in its final stage of release in the next room and I’m freaking out about it. What if they aren’t actually good? What if th-”

“I’m going to stop you right there. You sent me a pair 2 months ago, and I told you I would test them before saying anything, and I did just that. I took them to training. Ran on the pitch, walked, kicked the ball, passed, made risky moves. And what did I tell you after that?”

“‘These are the best fucking shoes ever.’ But what if they aren’t?”

“Listen Y/n, how many other athletes, not just me or footballers, did you send a pair to for testing?”

“Like 43. Basically every one that came to the panel plus some more.”

“How many told you they were good?”

“43.”

“Exactly. So we’re going to go out there together, you’re gonna tell the photographer what you want to see, every opinion, every change, anything, and we’re going to finalise your fucking dream.” Kyra picks me up without me even agreeing, and basically carries me out to the set up.

Ali Kreiger, despite her recent retirement, was currently being photographed. She’d been the one to reach out to me when she heard from, someone, and wanted to be an ambassador. I probably screamed so loud my neighbours thought I was getting murdered that day.

“They’re going to want a couple photos of you too probably. Either with the shoes or with one or all of us. Okay?” Kyra rubs a hand up and down my back as I take it all in.

I nod vigorously and try to shake my hands to get rid of the remaining nerves, eventually taking a seat next to the photographer, Eve. She asks for my input on every shot and manages to carry out my vision without fail every single time. As players filter in and out, I begin to truly relax and allow myself to take in the moment.

Zimmorlei Farquharson and Poppy Boltz, two AFLW players for the Brisbane Lions, were being photographed together when Kyra slid into the spare chair next to me. She didn’t say anything but when I looked over, I had to quickly look away again. Her outfit wasn’t something out of the ordinary, a loose cropped top and bike shorts, plus the sage green boots she was promoting. But the strip of skin that was exposed between her shirt and shorts was enticing and it was hard not to stare at the way her muscles contracted every time she moved in the seat.

I’m certain she caught me staring.

As she stands to take over the Australian Football players, Kyra leans over and whispers in my ear. It takes me a moment to process her words and by then she’s already under the lights.

“Good thing we’re taking some pictures. They’ll last longer.” To say I was stumped was a rather big understatement. Was she flirting with me?

I don’t get to think about it too much, Kyra looking my way every time she changed position or began to play around with the ball provided.

Not long after, I’m asked to join all the girls in front of the camera for a few shots. I knew it was coming but my heart still dropped into my stomach, and I choked on my breath. As expected, it’s Kyra who grabs my hand and instructs me to breathe slowly. Her thumb runs over the back of my hand and the motion begins to sooth me.

I take a place in front of the camera and the group of athletes. I’m not quite sure how to stand, but Kyra takes the space behind me, resting an arm over my shoulder and the other around my waist. It forces me to lean back naturally and as the girls around us take a stance, Eve continues to shoot.

“You and Kyra have a lot of chemistry by the looks of it, and she’s who you’re most comfortable with. Use that. Make it natural. The girls around you will adapt.” I expect the comment from Eve, but it’s Ali who puts a hand on my shoulder and reassures me.

With that instruction, and a nod from Eve, Kyra jumps on my back. It’s a pose that helps with showing off the boot and making me laugh. She then jumps off and takes my hands, turning me to face her as she dips. I rush to catch her as she falls, our faces a hair width apart.

Before I can think, I close the gap. My lips press hard against her’s as the camera shutter repeatedly goes off, but I don’t think anything of it. Until I pull away.

I almost drop her once my thoughts catch up to me.

“I am so sorry. What the fuck did I just do?” the rest of the girls had already walked away, so it was just us.

“Nothing you should regret or feel bad for.” Kyra stands right in front of me, our lips basically touching again.

“And maybe you should do it again.” I pause for a moment before leaning back down, kissing her again.

~~~~~

It takes three more weeks for the official brand release. After years of designing, making, spending every cent I had on these boots, Bia was officially the first woman specific sports boot.

Kyra’s first Arsenal game wearing them was the day of the release. She ended up talking about them in post-match interview after being asked “how were you excelling so well in the midfield today?” Not only was Bia’s sale numbers skyrocketing and the media account blowing up, so was my own.

I’d of course attended the match, excited to see them as an officially released boot. Someone had spotted me in the crowd and tweeted about it, talking about ‘the creator of that new boot brand is watching Kyra rep them for the first time live’. Someone else had caught me hugging Kyra on the pitch after the game and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

The rumours could only be expected. They also couldn’t be denied. Not without lying.

“I’m so proud of you.” The smooth Australian accent almost lulls me to sleep as we rest in Kyra’s bed, the sheets hiding our bare skin.

Her fingers trace shapes on my hip as she holds me, and I kiss along her collar bones and neck.

“And also very, very grateful for your genius brain creating those boots. Not only for helping my game play, but for bringing you to me.”

“I’m also grateful for my genius brain bringing us together.” I tease before softly kissing her.

It’d been impossible to escape her charm after our kiss at the photoshoot, so naturally we went on a date. And another, before she asked me to be her girlfriend. Eve sent me those photos just in case we wanted them in the brand release post. They currently sat in my hard drive, but it was very tempting to post a couple.

Kyra wanted a moment of privacy before the world knew, but I knew it didn’t matter whether it was out or a secret, as long as I had her.

-

A new power couple is on the rise in the world of Women’s Football. Creator of new women’s sports boots brand Bia, Y/n L/n, spotted with girlfriend, Arsenal and Matildas midfielder Kyra Cooney-Cross at a café in North London this morning before the London Derby. The couple confirmed their relationship mere days ago with photos of the lovebirds kissing from L/n’s brand shoot.

I laugh at the article as Kyra pulls into the Emirates parking, hand in mine. I’d become rather acquainted with her teammates and they begged me to come to the London Derby on the weekend. I couldn’t refuse when my girlfriend pulled out the puppy dog eyes and promised to ban me from any sort of affection, specifically kisses, for the week.

“You better win. I have a bet going with Niamh that you’ll beat her and I cannot lose a bet against her again.” Kyra chuckles and leaves with a kiss, sending me into the friends and family section of the stands.

It was nerve wracking going alone, but it was for Kyra and that was all I cared about. Supporting her like she supported me.

-

Kyra doesn’t start, which had been expected. Despite it, the girls were playing well and were up 3-1 at half-time. No yellow cards for either team had most people shocked though. The derby was known to be rough and physical, yet it seemed things were rather calm for the situation at hand.

There’s a substitute at half-time that puts Kyra back on the pitch. I blow a kiss when she looks my way as she jogs out and she pretends to catch it and place it on her cheek. Both of us are unaware of the interaction being caught on the big screen while people wait for the countdown.

It’s when extra time is announced that everyone in the stadium knows Arsenal have won the game. The Chelsea players look tired and defeated and the Arsenal girls don’t look much different, apart from the massive smiles that grace each one of their faces. The final whistle blows, and the crowd erupts in deafening cheers for the gunners, and I can’t help joining in.

After congratulating the blues on their performance and huddling with her own teammates, Kyra comes running for me. The guard on the other side of the barrier grows wary when I stand, clearly about to jump it, but Kyra gives him the okay and grabs me by the waist, helping me join her on the pitch.

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” I whisper as she stands on her tippy toes.

Her arms wrap tightly around my neck and mine go around her waist as she pulls me in for a kiss. It’s deep and passionate and the crowd around us cheers, some of the girls joining in.

“We’re both kinda killing it aren’t we?” I let out a laugh as she hops on my back, pointing me in the direction of her Matilda’s teammates, even Sam, who are grouped in the middle of the field.

She sprinkles kisses around my face as they talk between each other and I’ve never felt more content.

Fuck cricket, football is the sport for me.

[aworldinsideaperson]

Candy Cane Kisses

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Plus Size!AFAB!Reader

Summary: Candy Cane Kisses takes us to a Texas ranch on Christmas night, Jake “Hangman” Seresin is watching his sister’s best friend from across the room as he nurses the bottle of beer in his hand. His Bambi is somehow more beautiful than she’d been when they met three years prior, the last time they’d seen each other until only two nights before and he wonders if she can still taste him like that candy cane between her lips. 

Warnings: 18+, No use of Y/N (Reader is nicknamed Bambi), No happy ending (for now). There is talk of food, relatively explicit talk of sex as well as some pretty graphic foreplay/kissing with the reader being described with vaginal anatomy but the actual smut happens behind closed doors. 

Word Count: 4.8k

A/N:

First: This is part of @sailor-aviator’s Christmas Writing Challenge but it is also a companion piece to a longer story/series I’m working on so while there is no happy ending in this piece the overall story, once completed, will have a happy ending. But once again, THIS PIECE DOES NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING so read at your own risk. 

Second: The smut was supposed to be in the story but I felt like it didn’t need it but if people want to read it separately I might consider finishing it and posting it.

Third and probably most important: Anything you’d like me to tag as warning or in a description or anything please let me know. I haven’t really posted anything longer than a couple hundred words since like 2016 so it’s been a while and I know fandom and fanfiction has changed quite a bit since I’ve been an active member of it so please bear with me while I get my bearings. 

Sailor-Aviator’s Christmas Writing Challenge

December 23rd, 2013

Sometimes he replayed that kiss in his head. Sometimes he berated himself for not giving more. Sometimes he imagines pressing his lips to parts of her that he’d never seen. He knew She was older now, they both were, he’d seen the pictures on instagram and facebook, the occasional snapchat with drunk hazy eyes and the same smile she’d had the very first time he’d met her. It’d been more than three years since they’d seen each other in person but even from across a crowded bar with Christmas music blasting and chatter at an all time high, Jake could still hear her laugh and when his eyes shot in the direction of what had once been his favorite sound he knew then and there he was a goner. Even as he makes his way across the room to stand beside her at the bar he knows it’s a mistake but he’s thought about her for three years, and how much hurt could a conversation really do.

“Bambi.” A simple word, a nickname given to her that very first day as she watched the movie for the very first time with tears in her eyes. At the sound her eyes drifted closed, tension leaving her shoulders as she let out a breath before looking over to him with a smile. 

A conversation. That’s what he’d told himself. What harm could it do to just say hello, just ask how she was doing, just talk like the old friends they were. It wasn’t until an hour later when he stood inside her bedroom with his hand in her hair and his cock down her throat that he realized maybe his first instinct had been right. Maybe he shouldn’t have followed the sound of her voice, maybe he should have left the bar the second he heard a laugh that made his heart skip, maybe he shouldn’t have come back home at all.

December 24th, 2013

Jake sat on the arm of the couch, his cousin Isaac standing over him gesturing wildly with his unoccupied hand as he recounted a story Jake assumed would be interesting if he could pay attention to anything other than the sound of that laugh from across the room. The cold bottle swung between his fingers nearly empty. If he finished it he’d have to get another, if he went to get another he’d have to walk past her, if he walked past her he was sure she’d smell of that sweet gingerbread lotion she’d slathered on her hands, the same as the night before. He’d have to come face to face with her and that candy cane between her soft lips. He tried not to think about those lips, tried to listen to Isaac talk about the latest ponzi scheme he’d gotten himself involved with, tried not to remember the way her lips felt wrapped around his- 

“Dude I’m serious this would be a great investment opportunity! And I know you’ve got some capital, what with that military salary and all.” 

Isaac’s eyes were wide with excitement  but Jake’s face was contorted in pity as he sighed. “I don’t know Isaac.”

With that his face fell. “Why not man?”

Opening his mouth to give the older man an answer he really didn’t have, except to say that some guy name Brad has Isaac by the balls, Jake was saved by the voice of his mother as she quickly approached the pair.

“Jacob,” She started, laying a hand on his shoulder and looking softly at him, usually a sign she was about to ask for physical labor. “Do you think you could help Bambi bring the rest of the cookies from the basement? We’re running low up here and you know if someone doesn’t go down with her she’s gonna try to carry them all up by herself.”

He sighed but he didn’t argue. “Sure thing Mama,” He stood and clapped his cousin on the shoulder as he walked away. “I’ll catch up with you later Isaac.”

“Okay but seriously think about what I was tellin’ ya.”

With his back turned Jake nodded as he rolled his eyes. “Absolutely.” He knew would absolutely not be thinking about it as he took a few long strides towards the basement door and made his way down the steps.

The Seresin’s basement had never been a place to fear. Finished long before even their first child arrived Jake had always known it as a playroom, a game room, a movie room, whatever his family had needed it to be. He could hear his nieces and nephews to the right of the stairs, no doubt playing with the collection of toys new and old that lived in the too big toy chest in the corner of what could have been a third living room. To his left he could hear the rustling of plastic and clanging of aluminum in what was originally intended to be a second full bar for his dad but his mother had taken over as christmas cookie and bulk grocery storage. Once fully down the steps he could see her then, his back to him as she tried to stack two trays of his mother’s treats on top of one another and he smirked, that was just like her.  “I know you’re not trying to carry all those containers up by yourself.” He made his way toward the woman maneuvering the stack to goodies to get the best angle, gently laying his hand on her lower back. 

Relaxing at his touch Bambi looked up at Jake with a smile of her own. “I’m an independent woman who only takes one trip, especially with stairs involved.”

“Well as independent as I know you are imagine the hell mama would give me if she knew I let you carry them all up yourself. So will you spare me the wrath?”

Bambi rolled her eyes, replying with a sarcastic chuckle. “Well I suppose I could take pity on you given how well you ate pussy last night.”

The man’s shoulders dropped, “About last night,” He started, the room becoming thick with silence. “It was-“ He couldn’t finish, taking his hand off of Bambi and placing both of them on the counter as he turned from her slightly. He didn’t even know what he should say, didn’t know what the truth was, didn’t know if he should tell the truth even if he knew it.

Bambi nodded and sighed, back straightening as she toyed with the edge of the wrapped cookie trays. “A one time thing, yeah, nothing, I get it and I don’t plan on telling anyone. Not even Mary. She’ll lose her mind if she found out we almost fucked.” 

‘Fucked’ the word didn’t feel right. She’d never felt anything like what she felt the night before, memories of his hands and lips trailing over every inch of her body, every square of skin an erogenous zone with his touch. Fucked was something that happened after heated arguments and on couches in frat houses and in the back of cars. She wondered if last night, even though he’d never been inside her, she wondered if that’s what sex was supposed to be like, still making her feel a need for him almost 24 hours after the fact.

“Good. I mean. I just didn’t want to give you the impression that it was more than it was.” He felt sick at his own words. ‘More than what it was’ what was it exactly? Two people who once knew each other, who’d once been friends, giving each other pleasure? No feelings? As if he didn’t still think about her once a day from sharing one single kiss three years prior. 

The silence feels heavy around them but continuing to plaster a smile on her face Bambi looks up at her best friend’s brother. “I get it.” She starts. “I’m not a teenager with a crush anymore. You may have been the first person I loved but there have been others since. Other kisses, other blow jobs, other sex partners. There will be others after you too.” 

Every muscle in his body was tight as he nodded. “Okay then. It’s all sorted then.” Jake’s stomach churned as he tried not to think of her underneath, on top of, in front of, with other men. He wasn’t neive, he knew last night that the blow job she’d given him had been too good to be the first time she’d done it, someone had instructed her in the past. She knew where she wanted to be kissed and touched and she hadn’t been afraid to move his hands or his mouth or ask for more or less. He knew those things came from experiences. He just hated hearing her say it. Or maybe he hated the thought of after, that there was now an after him. That someone else would touch her and be touched by her and she’d instruct them on how to make her feel the way he had. Make her feel the way he had when he knew no one would ever make him feel the same way she did.

“Yeah, now let’s get these treats up there before people start nibbling on your mom’s gingerbread houses.” With a smile on her face Bambi grabbed the top tray and quickly turned her back to Jake and made her way back upstairs.

She was trapped. Completely and totally trapped. There was no possible way out of the conversation with the man in front of her. She’d tried everything, giving uncomfortable responses, not responding at all, she’d even tried walking away and he’d just followed her. Bambi had met Billy Seresin a few times. He was always too loud and too touchy, he smelled like he smoked 3 packs a day and he never ever shut up. All she had done was give him a polite smile as she was walking past him and into the sitting room, intent on cornering Mary-Ann to pester her about the man who’d shown up to the party as her boyfriend and left 30 minutes prior seemingly losing the title. That had been her plan but of course things hardly seemed to work out the way she expected these last few days especially and nearly 45 minutes later Bambi was sure that if Billy Seresin laid so much as a finger on her again she was going to vomit. But as he raised his hand another slide along her lower back and pulled her closer to him.

“Hey Bill, I’m gonna steal the pretty girl away, hope you don’t mind.” And without waiting for a response Jake led Bambi to the front door, his hand still resting gently on her back.

As they passed the threshold out to the porch her shoulders relaxed as she took in the borderline cold night air. “You are a real hero Jake, if the navy thing doesn’t work out I could whip you up a cape and some spandex, you could go around saving the world from conversations with creeps.” Bambi chuckled as the two settled beside each other on the porch swing, Jake pulling a large blanket from the basket beside them and wrapping it around Bambi’s shoulders.

“Well I’m contractually obligated to the Navy for another few years but afterwards we’ll team up.” His hand rubbed up and down her blanket covered arm a few times before leaning into the back of the swing, his body turned completely towards the woman beside him. “Besides, how was I supposed to let him keep eye fucking you right in front of me.”

“He was not eye fucking me.” Bambi voiced with a roll of her eyes.

“He was,” Jake argued. “I can tell since I’ve done it.”

Turning lifting one knee onto the seat of the swing she turned to completely face Jake. “He’s married to Sarah who’s a fucking dream, no way he’s trying to fuck that up.”

Propping his elbow on the back to their seat, Jake smirked, resting his head on his hand. “You’re way hotter than Sarah.”

“Oh now that’s just a flat lie.” She replied, throwing her head back in laughter.

Lifting his head, Jake let his fingers reach out to slide over a piece of her hair. “I disagree. You’re the hottest woman in any room.” He smirked, giving Bambi an exaggerated wink.

Lulling her head to the side she said his name with a mildly warning tone.

He sighed, throwing his hands up in defense. “Fine I’ll stop saying it. But you can’t make me stop thinking it.” A full genuine smile spread across his face, all the way up to his eyes.

“Sometimes I think you’re too much of a flirt for your own good.” She gave him a gentle shove and her exaggeratedly leaned backwards before sitting up with a laugh.

As the sound of laughter faded Jake admired the woman before him, he’d always thought she was beautiful but the glow of the twinkle lights surrounding the porch made her look ethereal. Even three years later, he’s never gotten over the way he feels around her. For several moments the silence surrounded them, nothing but the light creak of the swing chains and nature. The peacefulness he didn’t expect to be surrounded by was somehow terrifying to him So he filled it. “How’ve you been?”

“Good.” She started, looking at her hands in her lap as she began to pick at the polish. “Mom has been seeing this guy Randy and he’s really nice to her. They’re talking about getting married and moving in together. And Mary bought this new camera and we’re setting up a studio space in the third bedroom of the loft. She’s not sure if she’s going to go back to college with me next fall but I still have plenty of time to convince her.” A soft smile turned up the corners of her lips her eyes still trained toward the fiddling fingers in her lap.

Jake reached out, rubbing his hand slowly over the blanket covering her shoulder. “That’s all great Bam but I asked about you.”

She sighed and then nodded. “Oh, well yeah, yeah. I’m good. I’m good.”

‘You sound unsure.” He pushed.

She reached out her hand to place it on his knee. “No, I'm good. Really.” She assured. “Just not totally used to thinking about it I guess.”

Reaching down to take her hand between both of his, stroking his thumb along her skin. “When’s the last time someone ask how you’ve been doing?”

“About 30 seconds ago.”

Jake looked at her with a warning glare. “Before that, smartass.”

Bambi rolled her head and smiled, her thumb sliding back and forth over Jake’s own calloused knuckles.“You’re the one in the Navy, doing big important things, shouldn’t I be the one asking you how you’re doing?”

Squeezing her hand tightly he gave Bambi a serious look. “You can ask but how you’re doing is no less important than how I’m doing. I’m of the opinion that it’s more important. How can I be okay if I know you’re not?” His question was met with silence and so with a sigh he continued. “I’ve been really good. Made some friends, made some non friends, and I love flying. Have pretty much everything I could ever want. Now you.”

Bambi smiled, giving Jake’s hands a squeeze of her own as she kept her eyes trained on their connected fingers. “I’m good, really. I’m getting my degrees in social work and criminal justice. Victim advocacy is the goal, helping people in similar situations to what Mom and I went through. Things are stressful and I’m scared I’m gonna fail like all the time but I want to help people so badly.” Finally she looked up, tears began to surface in her waterline as she willed them not to fall. “Somewhere out there is a child or a spouse who is going through some of the worst pain of their life and I think about how it felt to be helpless like that and I know I can’t give up.” 

Again, Jake reached out to her, one hand still holding tightly to hers, the other gently brushing a fallen drop from her cheek. “You amaze me Bamb, stronger than me that’s for sure.” A comfortable feeling fell over them as he continued the questioning.“You still in therapy?”

With a smile she nodded, her hand still gripped tightly in Jakes. “Yeah but I’ve been in a pretty good place for a while now so we’ve cut back to once or twice a month with the option for more when I need it. It really helped me to work through a lot of the guilt and anger and sadness. And I can think about it now without wanting to throw up. I still have nightmares but nothing like it used to be.”

Jake grinned at that. “That’s really great. I’m proud of you for sticking with it, I know you were really nervous to be starting it in the first place.”

“Thank you for encouraging me back then, I don’t know if I could have done it without that extra push.” 3 years ago she’d been a girl often afraid of her own shadow. She’d thought she needed to be saved back then but Jake hadn’t been the one to do it. Instead he’d loved her and broken her heart and pushed her to help herself. 

“Of course Bamb I’ve always cared about you, always wanted what’s best for my Bambi.” His hand cupped her cheek, eyes unable to break from hers.

“Jake-“

“I know, I know what we said I just,” He sighed, thumbs gliding softly over the skin of her hand and of her cheek. “I just really miss you.”

“Miss me?”

“Yeah,” Again, silence surrounded them, Jakes eyes dropping to her lips as he continued. “Bambi, about earlier I didn’t-“

“There you are!” Mary-Ann’s interruption pulled the two apart, hands now cold and cheeks warm. “Jake, I told you to interrupt my conversation with Isaac after 3 minutes. I was stuck there forever listening to him talk about whatever bullshit he’s on now. I swear that guy doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.” Mary plopped down in the rocker closest to the swing.

Jake now sat with his feet planted firmly on the porch. “Says the girl about the drop out of college.” He teased.

Mary gasped, turing to her best friend who still had yet to stop reeling. “You told him!?” She exclaimed.

Bambi replied with a soft shrug. “I didn’t know it was a secret.”

With the most sincere puppy dog look she could manage Mary-Ann turned to her brother. “Please don’t tell daddy, he’d be so disappointed in me.”

Jake dropped his shoulders and stood up, placing a hand on his sister’s shoulder.“Oh don’t worry Mary-Ann, he’s already disappointed in you.”

From then on the conversation was nothing but a fit of giggles and insults between the siblings, Bambi still swinging back and forth in a fog as she wondered what he’d been about to say.

The night had slowed, most of his extended family had been long gone before it reached ten and parents retiring upstairs not long after. The house was quiet, the only light coming from the twinkling bulbs strung from corner to corner in every room in the house. Jake sat at the dining room table, his chair cocked slightly in the direction of his companion. He’d had more to drink since earlier in the night, giving his mind a soft haze. At least he thought it was the alcohol, could just as easily be the woman sitting beside him in her red dress, glowing in the soft light. He’d convinced her to have one last drink with him before she walked to Mary-Ann’s apartment over the garage. It’d been nearly an hour ago and the clock was ticking closer to midnight as the two each prolonged the last sip of their drinks.

Bambi reached over, gently patting his hand. “It’s good to have you home Jake. I worry about you a lot.”

Turning his head to look at the table Jake nodded. “I worry about you a lot too.”

“Me?” She chuckled and just like the night before he forgets how to breathe. “I’m not the one spending my days in a flying metal death trap.”

“I still worry about you. We should keep in touch more.” He traces his finger around the opening of his bottle, trying not to make eye contact as she continues to barely laugh at a memory.

“What, my occasional snapchat not enough for you?” She asks.

“Not when I want to hear from you every day.” It then when he finally looks back at her, if he didn’t know her so well he’d think maybe that smile was real and not the fake one she plastered on to keep others at a distance.

“Every day?”

He sighs and nods his head as he once again looks away from the woman beside him. “Yeah. I think about you every day.” He thinks he must be drunk, there is no other way he’d admit something so agonizing, not to himself and certainly not to her.

The silence is palpable as she throws back the last sip of her drink as she stood. “Well I should probably head out.” Her voice is quiet, if he hadn’t been standing beside her so closely he might not have heard it.

“Bambi,” Jake lifted his hand to her cheek, gently stroking her with his thumb as her eyes closed. “I wanna kiss you so bad.”

Opening her eyes she watches him through her lashes as she turns and presses her lips to his palm. “How’s that?”

“Not really what I had in mind.”

She smirked, “Disappointed?” She asked, thinking back to the very first kiss they’d shared so long ago, her first.

“Just thinking maybe you don’t know how to kiss, someone should really teach you.” He lifted his other hand, steadying her face to look up at him.

“I seem to recall my first teacher being awfully strict about what kisses he could and could not give me.”

His right hand lifted to brush the stray hairs for her face and he nodded. “Let me make that up to you?”

“I thought that’s what last night was supposed to be.”

One side of his mouth twisted up into a smirk, his hand now moving to caress the side of her neck. “I don’t remember finishing the job.”

“You made me cum, your job is done.” The memory of his lips and tongue making her knees weak.

“But it was only once.” He argued.

She was staring at his lips now, heart pounding with anticipation. “Once is more than most.” It was a true statement. She knew too many people lying about orgasms for it not to be.

His thumb stroked between her jaw and ear, eyes watching her as her eyes moved from his lips to his own chartreuse orbs. “I’m not most.” 

Voice hardly above a whisper  “Jake?”

“Yes?”

“Just fucking kiss me.”

Four words. Four fucking words and Jake’s mind had gone blank of all thought. All except one. ‘Bambi’. Slowly he dipped his head, gently pressing his lips to her, the familiar taste of candy cane still on her lips from his mother’s christmas cocoa cocktail. He almost pulled away; almost did the exact thing he’d done three years prior, sparing both of them the heartbreak but as she sighed and he felt her melt into his touch he needed just a little more. 

Their lips moved together, slotting her bottom lips between his and gently sliding the tip of his tongue across it. Her hands reached up to tangle in his hair, the velvet locks sliding through her fingers as he began to pepper kisses first at the corner of her mouth before moving down over her jaw and down her neck causing her to moan at the feeling of his lips against her bare skin.

He smiled as he continued to kiss and lick and gently nip at her neck. Bending slightly at the knee he wrapped his arms about Bambi and lifted her to rest on the dining room table where only hours earlier his family had been gathered. She gasped and her high heels dropped to the floor and her arms now draped over his shoulders. Jake’s smile grew as he dropped his lips to hers once again, slotting himself between her thighs and pulling her to the edge allowing her to feel his length pressed between their bodies. “Do you feel that baby? Do you wanna feel it inside you?” Arrogance heavy in his voice, his lips barely brushing over hers.

Bamni’s face contorted and she whined. “Yes. Jake please please please.”

“No need to beg Bambi, whatever you want, it’s yours.” He spoke with a slight chuckle in his voice though the sound of her begging made him twitch. Again his lips trailed over the skin of her neck then to her shoulder, his hands sliding up her thighs under the red dress he’d spent the night imagining on the floor. His fingers traced over the nylon, attempting to feel every bump and curve and dimple of the flesh underneath.

”I want you to touch me.” Her tone is still begging with his lips trailing over her collar bone. Smirking Jake pulled his mouth from her skin and licked his lips, moving the fingers of his right hand to her core, touching her gently through the layers.

“Oh fuck.” He groaned, feeling her slick against the tips of his fingers. “You are so wet I can feel you through your panties and stockings.” Again he pressed his lips to hers, swallowing the moans the escaped from her lips at even his light and obstructed touch. “Stay the night with me?” He asked, lips still brushing against hers.

With an eggar nod and jagged breath she responded with a simple yes that had Jake’s heart pounding as he pulled her from the table and kissed her deeply before quietly leading her up the stairs and down the hall. He pressed her against the door of his bedroom, his thigh between her legs and her lips against his throat. “Come on baby,” He whispered. “Let me make you feel good.” And with that he pushed his door open and the two stumbled into his childhood bedroom and with a click, locked the door behind them.

It was nearly 5:30 in the morning as the lovers laid in each other's arms, fingers trace patterns over the other’s skin. Jake’s mom would be getting up soon to start Christmas breakfast. His mind reeled with thoughts, a carousel of anxiety, of leaving Bambi, of breaking her heart, breaking his own. Thoughts of his mother’s smirk if his sister’s best friend bound down the stairs with his hand in hers still smelling of sex. His mind filled with thoughts of run, and run, and run. So he ran.

Pulling his arm from around Bambi Jake moved to sit on the edge of the bed, his back to her. “You should probably get going before everyone gets up.”

She sighed before throwing the covers off and throwing her own legs over the side of the bed. “Yeah, I’d hate to have Mama Seresin see me do the walk of shame. She’d probably start planning the wedding before I made it to the end of the driveway.” She laughed as she gathered her dress and undergarments from the night before, slipping them on with little effort. She felt lighter, tension gone from her shoulders and a permanent smile plastered to her face.

“Bambi, last night, it-“ Jake started but Bambi cut him off, leaning in close for a kiss.

“Was great? I sure thought so.” She said, attempting to finish the sentence in a way he hadn’t meant to.

Jake pulled away, his eyes trained directly to his feet as he spoke. “It shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry.”

Silence again filled the space between them, the inches beginning to feel like a cavern as she pulled further away from him. She didn’t recognize her movements as she walked to his door, her fingers wrapping around the cool metel of the handle. With a deep breath she let the truth fall into the chasm between them. “I lied last night, when I told you it didn’t mean anything? It meant everything.” 

She stood there, hand on the knob hoping her words had changed something but Jake didn’t even move “I’m sorry Bambi. I wish-“ He sighed and his head dropped into his hands. “You deserve more than this, more than a single night.”

Bambi nodded and turned the handle. “Merry Christmas Jake.” 

Her words were quick though even with the speed he could hear the crack in her voice. His door was shut tight before he responded. “Merry Christmas Bambi.” And only when he heard the front door shut and the turning over of her car did he reveal his own truth.

 “I love you.”

[megistusdiary]

I’m not sure if you’ve written for Xiao yet… but I’m always curious of how people interpret his.. libido to say the least, considering he’s an adeptus and doesn’t feel emotion the same way humans do.

Maybe a shy Xiao were he’s not really sure HOW to ask reader to sleep with him so he tries to give “subtle” hint but they really aren’t as subtle as he thinks.

BTW I love your writing ahhhh

(Can I claim an emoji.. idk how that works tbh I never leave asks so if I can… could I be like, 🥀 anon?? Thanks!!! 💜)

hi there! of course you can be 🥀 anon, welcome to my page :D i'm also very happy you like my writing ♡♡♡ tysm for reading

also i have actually only written two pieces for xiao which are as follows:

1) jealous dom xiao

2) consensual somno with dom xiao

i like to think that xiao doesn't know much about sex except that when done between a male and female, you can create another human sometimes

he doesn't really understand the love-making part of intercourse, so i have an idea of who he would try to ask lol

honestly this has a lot of plot. i have been writing so much these past few days, phew! when i have the time, i am a writing machine haha

warnings: switch!xiao and switch!fem anatomy/pronouns reader

nervous xiao, handjob (xiao receiving), lots of touching/making out lol, first-time sex for both of you :) , lube, fingering/penetration (reader receiving), soft ♡, kissing, baizhu is here but just as a side character because i ♡ him

the leather-bound book sat heavy on your desk in xiao's memory, unable to remove itself from his thoughts.

slightly worn around the edges and held closely to your face while you read it, lips thoroughly bitten. you seemed to think you were so sly when you hid that book behind you whenever he mentioned it.

so it was unusual that he had found it on your desk, for once unguarded by your form. xiao innocently opened the unlabeled cover to see what you had been reading so intently this week.

barely a few sentences in to the page, he immediately realized this was some type of erotic book. he was unfamiliar with some of these terms, purely from a lack of knowledge of human intimacies.

when he finally reached the end of the page, he snapped out of his trance, slamming the book shut with so much force it scattered the pages of your report to the floor.

never had the yaksha been more thoroughly embarrassed, cheeks stained red as he clutched his head.

he knew humans were odd, but he had never seen such a crude book. he never pegged you for the type to be interested in such things. how could one want to read about the act of producing a child?

odd.

perhaps that's how xiao ended up seeking out a personal consultation with the popular pharmacist from bubu pharmacy.

as uncomfortable as it was, the doctor was happy to make his acquaintance, keeping an even-toned expression when he welcomed the yaksha in after hours.

"i understand these concepts might be unfamiliar to you, though i mean no disrespect. these types of things are different from public displays of affection, and they aren't so easily written in literature."

xiao begged to differ based upon that book you left out so haphazardly on your desk for anyone to see.

he allowed the doctor to explain things in the most scientific way possible, trying to remain calm and collected until the yaksha suddenly held up a hand to stop him.

"i...appreciate your effort, but i already understand the act of procreation. i just don't..comprehend why humans seem to enjoy it so much."

baizhu paused, determining the best way to answer the question before he finally understood why xiao really wanted to see him. "i see. you're asking about why lovers like it so much." baizhu barely stifled a chuckle. "to be honest, it's been a while since i have done that myself, but it isn't so much about the act itself."

"how so?"

"it's about being vulnerable with someone. allowing them to see all of you while you see all of them. it's hard to let ourselves be open with everyone, especially if we have a particularly traumatic past. it can lead to becoming guarded." xiao frowned at this. "but, when you're with someone special, a normally uncomfortable situation becomes tender. intercourse becomes love-making." baizhu scratched the back of his neck, wondering if any of this was even sticking. "ah, i'm sorry if-"

xiao abruptly stood, silencing the doctor. "no need to apologize. i understand now. thank you for your time, doctor."

"oh, before you go-" baizhu stood up slower than xiao, reaching behind the counter to collect a small brown bag. "it might not be my place, but i always see mr. zhongli from the wangsheng funeral parlor here collecting peculiarly strong medicine for someone in liyue. it might be presumptuous of me, but, here." he held the bag out towards xiao. "it'll save mr. zhongli a trip here."

xiao gingerly took the bag, holding it in one palm before practically vanishing before baizhu's eyes. the pharmacist smiled to himself, shaking his head before locking up the pharmacy doors and heading home.

it had been a few days since then, and after continuous thinking, he finally decided it was the right time to ask you to do this with him.

you seemed to thoroughly enjoy that book, so surely, it would be even better to experience the real thing, no?

although, xiao had no idea how to bring this to your attention without sounding crude. why was he so nervous about something so simple? he was a yaksha. why were trivial human matters frightening to him?

when you finally came home that evening, you were surprised to see xiao waiting for you, standing in the doorway at attention, watching you almost drop your bag.

"oh, xiao-" you held a hand over your heart, laughing to yourself. "you scared me a little there."

you walked past him, opting to unpack your bag as xiao focused his steel gaze upon your form. "i don't know if you're hungry or not, but i brought your favorite." you turned, holding the container of almond tofu with a big grin.

you expected to see the usual hint of a smile on his own lips, though he seemed to remain neutral as you frowned slightly. "hey, is something wrong?" you started to feel concerned, worried you had upset the yaksha.

xiao clenched his fists as he huffed. "it's nothing. i appreciate the gesture."

you deflated a bit, causing xiao to feel that slight burn in his chest. guilt, he assumed. "alright, sure. i'll leave it here for you." you set the container back on the counter, rubbing your eyes as you put the rest of your things away.

xiao could take it no longer, wishing desperately to get this idea out of his head. "i read your book." he softly blurted out as you slowly turned towards him on your heels.

"what book-"

"the book."

"oh..." you fell silent, face feeling hot as you coughed. "well, i am, uh, sorry for traumatizing you with that, so...yeah." you averted your eyes, screaming at yourself inside your head. how could you forget to put that book back under your pillow? xiao was definitely going to disappear forever now. well done.

"do you want to try...that."

your eyes practically popped out from your skull, covering your mouth. "try what now?"

"intercourse. with- me."

xiao's face was as red as a tomato as you stared at him shocked. "i knew this was a foolish idea, i apologize for offending you. this is an insult to-"

"no!" you yelled out, moving your hands to his shoulders. "no, no, no you're misunderstanding!" you shook your head. "xiao, do you really mean it? you'd try it? with me?"

xiao nodded once, surprised by your overdramatic reaction. was it really as good as baizhu explained it to be?

he also wondered if his karmic debt would weigh too heavily on you for a moment before you gasped, shaking his shoulders with your excited gestures.

"oh, xiao, i...i wanted to ask you for a really long time. i just- i thought you'd never want to. and i never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable." you explained as xiao finally understood.

so you did want to create a child with him? to be honest, he wasn't quite sure if it was even possible, though he had heard stories of half adeptus children in liyue, namely that very popular lawyer woman.

"i'm willing to try." xiao nodded. he allowed you to excitedly lead him to the bedroom, stumbling over your own feet as you pulled him to the bed.

"there's really no need to be nervous." you told him sweetly, cradling his face between your palms as he willed himself to relax.

you were correct, and he hated to admit that a human was more wise than him.

you slowly leaned forward. "is this okay?" you questioned, noses nearly touching as he nodded, staying still and allowing you to approach him. you carefully pressed your lips to his, rubbing your thumbs across his cheekbones as you smiled into his mouth.

xiao's eyes fluttered shut as he allowed you to guide him, keeping his hands at his sides, awkwardly clutching at the blankets. you gently pulled away, feeling him lean forward to chase your lips before catching himself and opening his eyes.

you reached towards his hands now, holding them gently and placing them on your waist as you climbed into his lap. "there, that's better." you commented, kissing him deeper, swiping your tongue across the seam of his lips.

shockingly, xiao seemed to understand this gesture, parting his lips and allowing you to slide your tongue into his mouth. he seemed to find this sensation odd, gripping your hips a little tighter when you shifted against him.

he felt warm when you moved over his hips, pressing your weight down onto him as he groaned, feeling the strange sensations.

you smirked, grinding down against him as he leaned away, panting with spit-slicked lips as you held onto his shoulders tighter. "does that feel good?" you asked as his eyes closed once more, eyebrows furrowing. you giggled a little before stopping, hips growing tired before you suddenly let out a soft moan when xiao started moving your hips for you.

it was easy to forget his inhuman strength when he looked so soft. his grip was tight as he moved you at his leisure, inexperienced yet curious.

"have you- done this before?" you asked him, feeling warmth building in your core as xiao shook his head.

"never." he answered before pulling you against him once more, trembling a bit. "have you?" from the way you spoke and read it so freely, he was shocked to see you shyly shake your head.

"no...i was waiting for the right person." you admitted sheepishly. "i wanted it to be special." you smiled up at him, kissing his cheek.

xiao realized you were talking about him, making it feel like he had crystalflies in his stomach.

"here, i want to try something." you moved off his lap, opting to tug at the waistband of his pants. "we both take off some clothes so it isn't as awkward, okay?"

xiao was perplexed when he watched you shyly pull of your jacket. "i assumed it was normal to strip during this act. is it not natural?"

"huh?"

"being nude. why would you be uncomfortable with the idea?"

you paused, mouth opening and closing as you tried to think of an excuse. in that time, xiao took it upon himself to fully strip. "i have no shame in this form. i took it many years ago in honor of my savior. it is something of pride and loyalty. your form is to be respected." xiao reminded you as your eyes widened.

"well...okay." you took a deep breath, removing the rest of your clothing to match xiao as he carefully folded the fabric, placing it on the chair near the bed. "come here." you gestured as he moved towards you. "lean against the headboard."

xiao did as you commanded, feeling your gaze burn against his skin when you trailed your eyes down his body. you stopped just above his groin, feeling embarrassed as you leaned forward.

"oh! i almost forgot, i actually had something, well uh...just in case." you laughed nervously, reaching over to your nightstand, pulling out a small bottle of liquid.

"what is that?"

"it's supposed to make it easier by making your skin more slippery." you explained, uncapping the bottle to pour some on your fingers. "it'll feel much better with this. or so i've heard."

"from who?"

"...sources."

you ignored xiao's huff, carefully tracing a finger along his shaft as his hips jumped. "sensitive." you smiled, feeling his thighs go tense as you swirled your finger around the tip, playing with the slit as his cock slowly grew harder, leaning up against his stomach.

you moved your hand around him, carefully stroking in a gentle motion as he let out a groan from the slick sounds of your hand on his skin. "it...feels good, but strange-" xiao's hands clenched on the sheets as you moved your hand up and down, using the other hand to play with his heavy balls as he gasped.

as expected, he didn't last long, reaching his first orgasm quickly, coming all over your hand and his stomach, feeling sticky on your fingers as you gently eased him through his orgasm. he relaxed against the headboard, watching as you smiled to yourself.

the expression slowly faded when you realized he was still hard...?

"what- xiao, that's...weird? that's not supposed to happen."

xiao looked perplexed. "i thought humans are capable of enduring multiple orgasms."

"i mean, yeah, with breaks- they don't just keep going-" xiao cut you off by pulling you towards him, pressing your body to his.

"what do i do to return this favor?"

"well, i guess the equivalent would be fingering me? i'm not really sure about that though because-!" xiao reached his hand down to press against your wet cunt, feeling your hips jump against his touch. "xiao, hold on, i'm sensitive-"

he pressed his free hand against your fingers, collecting the leftover lube to press against your cunt, rolling his fingers over the skin messily. "xiao, there's a specific way to do it." your cheeks burned. "i'll show you." with one hand, you gripped his shoulder, the other reaching down to wrap around his wrist, feeling around for your clit until you positioned his finger pads just right.

"oh- there." you sighed, moving his fingers in circles as you moved your hips to match the motion.

"is this...adequate?"

"very," you laughed breathlessly. "but, i need you to do something else for me too."

"anything."

"before we try to put your...you know in me, i need to be, how should i say this, stretched out? they say it really hurts the first time...and i guess i'm just a little nervous because-"

"i promise i won't let anything hurt you." you were taken aback by xiao's sudden oath, looking deep into your eyes as your lips parted. "tell me what i need to do."

you carefully moved his hand down towards your hole, allowing him to feel for himself. "here?" he asked.

"yeah, just press in but be gentle, please." you whimpered as he dipped the tip of his index finger in, gently pushing as you shifted uncomfortably. "feels weird."

xiao stayed silent, eyebrows furrowed by the strange texture around his finger. it was tight, yet soft, wet, and warm as you sucked the digit in. he stuck another next to it, feeling you grip his shoulder tightly, hand falling from his wrist as you dug your nails into his bicep. "archons-"

he continued to push the digits in and out, sometimes moving his fingers a bit. he recalled baizhu explaining some of this. he called it 'fingering' or something along the lines. a fitting name indeed.

eventually you stopped him, gesturing for him to remove his fingers as he frowned. "is something wrong?"

"no, no, i just- i think i'm ready." you took a deep breath as he nodded.

he positioned his tip at your entrance, watching you worry your lip between your teeth as you felt it slowly enter you, tensing your body as he hissed.

"don't do that-" he groaned, grabbing your hips. "relax your muscles, it's too...tight."

you tried to relax, eyes tearing up slightly. it was not as excruciating as you expected, though the stretch did burn, and once you finally got through the hard part, xiao paused.

he allowed you to lean on him, taking shallow breaths as he smoothed a hand down your back. baizhu told him to be patient. he explained you would need time to adjust, that it could be painful taking something in your body this way.

xiao was glad he listened, finally feeling your heartbeat slow as he gently soothed you, albeit stiffly.

"are you okay?" he asked, feeling you nod against his shoulder. he carefully moved his hips experimentally, feeling you clutch your arms around his neck for stability, still pressed to his chest as he hummed, picking up the pace gradually.

you allowed him to buck into you at different angles, feeling him shiver as you kissed at his neck, humming into his skin.

"ah-" you suddenly arched when he hit your g-spot unexpectedly, eyes closing as xiao looked concerned. "that was- good, that was a good spot and-"

he pressed into it again, maintaining the angle of his hips as you trembled. "no, no, i'm gonna come if you keep doing that, xiao." you panicked, though he paid no mind, hearing going static as he continued to fuck up into you. "xiao-" you whined as he held you close to him.

he felt your soft breaths on his skin, hair tickling his neck as you suddenly jolted. "oh- i'm close, i'm really close, xiao, xiao-" you moaned lowly, desperately holding back.

"why are you afraid to experience orgasm?" xiao asked, breaking you from your stupor.

"huh?"

"why?"

"you...i need to keep up with you, xiao. if i- fuck, if i come now...you won't get to and i-"

"i don't mind." xiao admitted, focusing on the feeling of you squeezing around him. "i wanted to know what this was like. i didn't understand why humans were so fond of such things."

he reached down with a hand, sliding it down your stomach to press into your clit as you gasped. how did he remember where-

right. yaksha.

he had you trembling against him, orgasm washing over you as you went slack, leaning onto him and crying out his name as he shuddered, leaning back as you continued to squeeze him oh so tightly.

you felt blissed out as you slowly regained your senses, vision coming back to you as you smiled up at him.

your body still felt tingly, limbs numb as he slowly slid out of you. xiao could tell you were out of it, eyes hazy as he leaned down to kiss your head tenderly.

perhaps human intimacies weren't all completely useless.

[damnation-if]

Care to tell some facts about the ROs?

ough... i always find 'facts' asks intimidating because i'm never sure if the facts i'm producing are any good haha. hopefully these aren't too boring!

Arianis:

they enjoy gardening; they never stay in one place for long but whenever they move they have to lug around all their collection of exotic orchids and rare plants. they especially like cross-breeding orchids to create new strains (they also play music for their plants)

they dated a vampire for a while in the past (the vampire sort of considered them his thrall) but got kind of bored of it... they're less bored with being a warlock so far

if the MC chooses the travelling entertainers background, they've actually met Arianis once before in the past

Heluur:

he didn't originally have his wings; Twilit had to make them and graft them onto him, and because his unique nature is resistant to chaos and change, his body is still dealing with trying to reject them even after millennia

Twilit and Newyneth are who he would consider his "best friends;" he considers himself kind of an unofficial uncle to their children (which is just Suchebh in Twilit's case)

nobody in Hell, including archdemons, wants to get on his bad side

Lithiana:

like the other concubi, she was "born" in the mortal world; she in particular was created partially-accidentally by a weird sex cult that wanted to summon a demon but had no idea how to do it and just kind of messed around until they managed to call enough chaos into the metaphorical Shape of a person and she was born

she was the last concubi to come into existence (before MC) - once the gods realised that humans could accidentally create demons, they created the Inquisitors to hunt down humans consorting with demonic magic

she doesn't remember much about her early days except for constant feelings of terror, but it left her with a kind of wistful nostalgia for the mortal world that she can't do much about

Malkorath:

they're not really fond of Beds, due in part to the combination of a lot of their anatomy (they can't lie on their side for example because of their horns), so they kind of sleep belly-down on top of a big heap of cushions when they have to sleep

they're Not into bondage shit at all because their creator kept them chained down in a cage until he would release them to kill people for him... they don't find it sexy at all lmfao, only traumatic

they were built purposely with a body temperature much lower than other demons so that they can survive travel into the mortal world (i may have mentioned this one already, i can't remember lmao)

Suchebh:

they don't have a Bad relationship with Twilit per se, but they do constantly feel like they have to compete with them for notoreity and find a way to get out from underneath their shadow (Twilit is more or less oblivious to this)

they would Never Ever admit it, but they're definitely at least a little jealous of the relationship that some of Newyneth's children have with her, which makes them do catty or manipulative things sometimes

they are actually the person who braids Malkorath's hair for them

Twilit:

like several of the other archdemons, their true form is actually hidden somewhere in the mortal world (it would take too much effort and be too provocative for the gods to go about removing them), but unlike the other archdemons theirs is not split into pieces (though they did transfer it out of Hell in chunks lmfao)

they have a Decent relationship with some of the more neutral gods, but they're definitely considered a wild card by the more militant ones... they are absolutely considered unpredictable and hard to handle

they are generally very proud of Suchebh in their own way, but they're quite bad at expressing that in a way that Suchebh understands smndfgb

[apprenticestanheight]

THE FIVE DAYS OF SMUTMAS QUEUE: DAY TWO

Work Shirts - Lawrence Gordon x gn! reader

All right!! This is day two of my silly little christmas celebration, and of course I had to do what I've been procrastinating since basically the start of this account--write a Lawrence reader insert piece!

I love him wholeheartedly despite my lack of fics for him so this has definitely been a long time coming, and this one, much like yesterdays fic, stems from a thought I had—though with this thought, @mrkheartffmans and I went a lil feral together through the reblogs of the original post and thus, the fic concept came to light!

This is also a few years post trap because I was like "yeah working somewhere for a decade is cool but what about a decade and a half??" also—my mentality was that having it set a few years post-trap would be easier to write?? I don't know how true that actually is but it was my thought process lol.

This fic is for audiences of 18+, so minors, do not interact!

Fic type- this is mostly--almost entirely--smut. There's also angst if you squint because yeah, angst was bound to be present somewhere lol

Warnings- unprotected sex (reader is on BC), and as per usual, the reader is GN for all intents and purposes (petnames included), but I went with AFAB anatomy as that's the anatomy that I know best.

Lawrence wishes he could act like the surprise on the faces of his coworkers when he mentioned having the last two weeks of December off came as a surprise to him, but he can't and he kind of hates that.

Of course people are bound to be a little surprised by it. In the decade and a half that he's worked at Angels of Mercy, the only incident where he took any sizeable amount of time off was while he was recovering from the bathroom trap and could hardly stand, let alone walk like he used to.

But, in the three years since the bathroom trap and aside from that month long period where he allowed himself to recover before going back to work, he'd not taken a single day away. Being at work, seeing to patients and talking to people—even just going to work and filling out miscellaneous paperwork while he sat in the isolation of his office—kept his mind busy and his hands busier.

He came home from work every night and saw you, which just made his entire day as it were. You'd order food or make something quick and just spend your time lounging on the couch, occasionally get a little flirty, and laugh when Lawrences hands started wandering how they used to in the days of your masters degree and his days of medical school.

But, because of a backlog of PTO and the fact that he'd been overworking himself almost to the bone with the onslaught of people needing medical care during the last three months of the year, Lawrence decided to book the 14th through to the 2nd of January off so that he could get some rest and worry about housework so that you didn't have to worry at all, where you normally split the housework fifty-fifty.

Lawrence knew that your marketing job got really, really stressful during the last month of the year. People always unearthed different versions of themselves come the holidays, and all he wanted was for you to come home from your workday and not have to worry about menial things like a messy bathroom counter, week-old leftovers in need of throwing away or dishes not yet moved from the dishwasher to the cupboards.

He gets called into work for an emergency on the 21st, and after running to grab groceries during the afternoon on the 22nd, he's delighted to find what he does waiting for him in the bed you share.

You're typically home from work at around seven, sometimes eight thirty on particularly busy days, and when Lawrence arrives home, it's half past eight.

He goes into your bedroom, having indeed hoped to see you there or at least get a call about work running late with the promise of more details upon your arrival at home as he enters your shared bedroom, but what he sees is so much better than anything he could've hoped for.

You're sitting on the bed, back pressed against the head board, focused on whatever romance book you'd plucked from a charity bookstore on your way home, but it's not what you're reading that Lawrence really takes note of.

No, it's not the book at all, though he does note that the title makes it seem like something from either the regency or the victorian era. It's what you're wearing.

You're wearing the shirt he wore to work the previous day, buttons undone with the cufflinks you'd gifted him for christmas the year his residency ended still holding the sleeves of the shirt together, the duvet covering your legs and hips, which makes Lawrence assume you've stolen a pair of his sweatpants in addition to the shirt.

He knocks, lightly, on the side of the door, and you startle, looking up to the source of the knock and relaxing the minute you see his face.

"You startled me," you say, grinning and closing your book over your thumb so as not to lose your place. "I remember you told me you'd be getting groceries around when I would get home, so I stole one of your shirts and settled in. Figured we could order Thai food or something to that effect, have a late dinner and relax."

Lawrence runs his tongue over his lips, notices the keen way with which you watch him do it.

"Yeah," he grins, further enters the room. "That sounds lovely. I grabbed the last of the necessary ingredients for dinner Christmas Day so that you wouldn't have to worry—I know that work has been something of a mess for you lately and I want to make sure you have the opportunity to relax when you come home."

He approaches the bed, watches you place the book you'd been reading open on your nightstand beneath the lamp.

"I don't deserve you," you laugh.

You've been dating since you were starting up with your masters a year after getting your bachelors degree when you were twenty-three and Lawrence was two years into medical school at twenty-four.

You've been married since you were twenty-five and twenty-six, and seventeen years down the line, you both knew that marrying each other was the best possible thing either of you could've done with regard to the romantic part of your lives, and while you were married you ended up doing the best possible things for your respective careers so it worked in both of your favors regardless.

You were Lawrences rock, especially so in the aftermath of the bathroom trap, and he was yours and would be such forevermore.

"You're right," he says, moving away from the bed to grab a pair of sweatpants. "You deserve more, but I do strive to be what you deserve day in and day out."

"Don't say that," you chide. "You're perfect, Lawrence. I wouldn't've married you had I thought otherwise, I promise."

He can feel your gaze on him as he slips out of the khaki pants he wears, deciding to go commando and put a pair of light gray sweatpants on for comfort. He changes out of the black button up he'd chosen to wear, pulls a baggy dark blue Henley over his torso and climbs into bed beside you, pressing kiss after kiss down the line of your jaw and across your neck.

"How stressful has work been?" He asks, tone genuine but also slightly seductive.

"Oh, so stressful," you laugh, knowing exactly what he's doing and the fact that seeing you in one of his shirts and just one of his shirts has spurred that on by a mile. "I think if I have to hear one more coworker complaining about last minute shopping during the last few days before Christmas Eve or even on Christmas Eve in and of itself, I will start causing heads to roll. December is the worst time to be in the offices because everyone stops caring about year-end quotas and making sure things are good going into next year and starts caring about whatever gossip is being spread around. It's dreadful, Lawrence."

He pauses, looking at you with genuine sympathy in his gaze. "I'm sorry—I feel gross. I didn't mean to attempt to proposition you for sex like that. I really do want to hear about your day and I'm sorry it's been so terrible, my love. Are you going to book time off?"

You grin. Lawrence is ever-so considerate, always apologizing and stepping back if he's done something in a way that he doesn't appreciate midway through.

"You're going to be stuck with me from tomorrow through to the second," you say. "And—for the record, I didn't hate it. I like it when you proposition me for sex with kisses because your kisses are quite honestly one of the best parts of being married to you. Plus, I have had a stressful month and I won't lie and say that my current outfitting was just for comfort. Sure, bare ass on satin sheets is an amazing feeling, but I was hoping that I'd get the reaction I did, admittedly."

Lawrence tilts his head inquisitively. "You're not—you're—I thought you'd taken a pair of my sweatpants," he grins, moves a hand to your thigh. Sure enough, it's bare. "Oh, Christmas must've come early."

You laugh. "You fuckin' wish," you say, ignoring the goosebumps that Lawrences touch brings on.

You unbutton the few buttons done up on the shirt, press your back against the headboard.

"Stressful month, yeah baby?" Lawrence is almost beaming as his hand moves from your thigh to your stomach, lazily perusing up your chest.

You clench your jaw, squeeze your arms against your sides because you are not going to give in to your handsome husband and his illustrious whims just with a few touches and some whispered sentiments.

"So stressful, Lawrence," you nod. "So, so stressful."

"Do you need a way to destress?" His thumb and first finger locate your nipple, and you exhale a breathy moan, quiet and already wanting to give in to his whims. "If you do, I think I could be of assistance."

"Lawrence," you moan, quiet and needy. "Oh, fuck, Lawrence."

Lawrence moves his hand away from you for a second, only to take off his shirt and the sweatpants he wears before he's back to kissing your neck and letting his hands roam across your chest.

A few minutes of much the same passes by, Lawrences kisses lining your neck and jawline and face and your ethereal lips while he rolls your nipples between his fingers. His hand dips to your folds for just a few minutes, taking your slick onto his fingers and laughing against your shoulder.

"You're so wet for me already," he says. "Fuck, you're perfect."

"Wanna ride you," you're almost stunned at how evenly the words fall from your lips but not at all stunned when Lawrence agrees.

He pulls you onto his lap, lets you grind against his half-hard cock until it's fully hard and you're begging to feel him inside of you and moans when you bottom out, gaze watching you intently as his hands settle on your hips.

"Lawrence," you whisper. "Fuck."

A smile spreads onto Lawrences face before he can stop it, and when you start riding him, he presses his back against the headboard, one hand on your hip while the other lightly holds your chin so as to keep your gaze on his.

You get lost in how good it feels within the space of a minute, maybe two—Lawrence's cock is long and thick, and even if riding it takes some adjusting occasionally, it still becomes very enjoyable very quickly.

"You're so wonderful for me, Y/N," he says. "Oh, this never gets old."

He's loving how you feel around him, clenching occasionally and moaning after a particularly deep thrust that hits your g-spot, and you're just—it's just perfect.

And then, Lawrence gets an idea. He moves the hand that's cupping your face to your wrist, which is attached to the hand that you use to grope relentlessly at yourself, rolling your nipples between your thumb and first finger, sometimes moving to rub your clit.

"The cufflinks, baby," he says. "Don't touch yourself, mm? Use those for me."

He watches you press the cold silver cufflink against one of your nipples, moans as you clench around him at the sensation of the cold meeting your warm skin. You moan in turn, pressing the metal against your nipples and moaning his name.

He moves a hand back to your chin, placing his first and middle finger against your bottom lip. You take the hint immediately and bring his fingers into your mouth, grinding down onto him as you do.

"You're so good for me, pet," he says, moving the hand that rests on your hip to your clit. He starts rubbing it with practiced expertise, knowing the way you like it best after nearly two decades of marriage. "Oh, this is amazing. You can steal my work shirts whenever you want, okay? Especially the ones with the cufflinks. You're amazing."

You moan at the praise, pressing the cufflinks against yourself further, loving the way that the metal feels against your sensitive nipples.

He takes his fingers out of your mouth and goes back to holding your chin so as to keep your gaze on his, wanting to watch you orgasm.

You come completely undone when Lawrence speeds up his ministrations on your clit just enough to make you want more, and Lawrence watches.

You thrust your way through the aftershocks, at which point Lawrence releases into you and lets your chin free from his light grip, kissing you and offering praise as he does.

He pulls you off of him and gets a bath set up, helping you into it while giving you more praise and pressing kisses along the back of your neck and shoulder blades because the orgasm had left you both completely and totally breathless.

You bathe in light conversation, once again talking about your days but focusing on the more positive parts, and Lawrence lets you steal a Henley from the days of medical school. You pull a pair of boxers on and curl up in bed next to him, falling asleep only seconds before Lawrence does.

[mythicalmagical-monkeyman]

Does anyone in R. AU like to draw? Paint? Anything like that?

*sniff* >:3

OK SO Wukong's one of us, he used to draw a shit tone of fan art for the fandoms he's in though it kind of died out his life got busier though if he ever need the extra cash he'll reopen commissions or some times if he has the time he'll draw for fun

MK is kind of like Hiccup when it comes to drawing, he'll do sketches of creatures and inventions that he either comes up with himself or that are actually real. He used to color all his drawings when he was younger but as he got older it just became a lot easier to just shade with pencil instead of being a neat freak over all the colors

Macaque doodles, he never really had the time to practice up his skill and learn from different artist how to devolve his skills but he still loves to draw and doodles especially if it's a moment he'd like to remember

Mei spent a lot of time hanging around Ao Lie's anatomy books growing up so she got really familiar with how human bodies worked and so she became very skilled at drawing said human bodies because as a kid she found it fun to try and draw all the anatomy type stuff in Ao Lie's books

PIF is very skilled at drawing up building lay outs due to the fact that she was a thief and had to learn the lay out of a building before she broke into said building. as such Red Son as a kid would watch his mom draw buildings and so he'd mimic it and try and draw his own. This later developed into a skill of him being able to draw blue prints very well whether it was for buildings or machines.

Ao Qin has a lot of time on his hands as his wife is the one actively running their kingdom as such one of the skills Ao Qin perfected over the year was painting with water color. He especially loves to paint back grounds.

During therapy one of the skill Sandy picked up was art therapy where he'd try and paint what he was feeling. while he doesn't do it much now Sandy still sometimes paints to calm himself and help him focus

One of Yellowtusk's favorite past times used to be sculpting pottery, while her hands are a bit too big to properly do small pieces she was still rather good at doing larger pieces and once she went down the path to redemption she picked this skill back up

The (not) Mayor & Tang are both into map drawing. The mayor is into city planning maps and street lay outs where as Tang is into rp and fantasy maps

Erlang is an architect/engineering god (smth along those lines) so he's learned the art of using charcoal to draw his designs for inventions and buildings. and then someone introduced him online building design technology (I am blanking on what it's called) and he quickly became a pro at that.

Syntax isn't the best at drawing but he designed himself an interactive 3D model app that helps him design inventions by being able to put pieces together and see how they work

(a stretch but...)

Spider Queen is super into fashion and is quite the sewer. Seeing as she has six arms SQ picked up the skill of fashion design and sewing to make herself a bunch of badass outfits

Bai-He is super into doing people's hair, make-up, and nails (she wants to work at salon when she's older) but surprisingly she's actually really good at it

Ji-Ji being a war goddess has perfected the art of drawing battle plans

[starredforlife]

okay so I generally skate by on feeling or pretending confidence enough to apply to jobs for animation . But quite simply ik there’s something off abt a lot of my portfolio work. It rarely finds that unique appeal that makes people stop and wonder and look. Idk if it’s a lifelessness or if it’s the shortcoming in technical skill or the composition and formatting of both my work and the website….but I’d reckon it’s safe to say all of these things need to be worked on. It’s clumsy. It’s all really clumsy

I like a lot of my more recent work compared to my portfolio stuff. I think there’s been some kind of ground broken where I’m finding a style I really like and the life drawing practice is catching up to me (though I still think I have a ways to go with it. Sometimes how good I am at anatomy depends entirely on my mood). It all feels less lifeless more enjoyed more interesting. It’s not perfect bc I give up on the details pretty easily so the level of polish in, say, most other illustrators’ work, isn’t there for mine. But if I tried to make portfolio pieces using my shorthand more often I think that would honestly work better. I’m trying to come up with prompts and ideas that I can keep myself passionate abt the whole time. I wish I didn’t get tired so easily and my sleep schedule wasn’t so fucked. Whatever!!! I persist bc I have nothing else I know how to do

A fun fact abt me is that I don’t consider myself an artistic person :^] I’m not precise I’m not detail-oriented I’m not cohesive and I’m barely creative past my own narrow fixations. I’m just incredibly stubborn and I don’t like doing things that bore me, so I’m holed into this whether I like it or not. I’m cursed with this awful ambition that doesn’t want me to turn my head anywhere else. I don’t know how I could live without it. It’s like I have the burden of an artist’s soul and the hands of a five year old. My play-doh creations suck ass !! But I’m too sick with story and art and nonesense to do anything abt it. God.

[that-sweet-jester]

HELLO :D I have a few questions regarding your art-

First off- how do you render? Specifically when choosing the differences in material lighting? There’s just a sort of dramatic lighting that your art has that always makes it look extremely epic

Second off- What’s your method for anatomy? Like, Do you use a much of ovals/rectangles, wing it like a madman, or etc? And how do you define each part of the body? (Or separate hair segments?)

And Thirdly- how do you add volume and consistency to your work? Every design that I see of yours just looks like it jumped straight from a 3D movie screen, and really curious as to how you do all that!

Also- holy cow I freaking love your art so much- like I just found out you drew like half of my favourite art pieces out there. And I just love looking at it. It’s kind of like a golden caramel apple, if that makes any sense!!

And thank you for your time!!!

Thank you so much :DDD <333

Hoo boy where do I begin :'D

The first statement I need to make is that my main method is 'fuck around and find out'. Literally. Also sorry if some of the explanations don't make any sense, English is not my first language.

Here's kinda step by step of how my drawing process looks like.

Sketch, then rough cleaning and adding monochrome colors, it's totally unnecessary, but I like to do it just to see how the drawing would look later with dynamic lightning. Then move onto lineart, used to draw it on another layer on top of the sketch, but I switched to just correcting the lines and eareasing what I don't want from the sketch. It's kinda more fun and takes less time. Then come the base colors and adding shadows. What I most often do is add shading on the color layers and then on top of all of them draw a full shadow.

Like this, then multiply and fuck around with opacity. This makes the characters pop out even more and adds depth to them. Then add lightning, and sometimes effects from saved pngs. For example, I often use this site for material textures: https://www.transparenttextures.com/

2. When it comes to anatomy, I most often use existing pose references, not fully copying them but like putting them together like a collage. A head here, hands there, I have full boards on Pinterest dedicated solely to different body parts. In the past I was heavily using whole sketches and body pose references, but over the time I was able to somehow figure out the anatomy on my own. To some degree. I still have no idea how to properly draw hands. What I'm saying is that it's good to base your art on existing references (NOT COPY THEM) but use as a guide, until you get a hang of it.

3. Lately to do something more stylistic and to bring out the volume I started doing this notion in the shadows:

(also a sneak peak of next piece ;3)

I have no idea how to call it, but it makes things pop out.

Anddd I finally got around doing more dynamic poses and dramatic positioning. Bringing parts of the drawing forward, and leaning some further, going wild with blur filter and using black as guides and contrast.

So that might be why it looks more like screenshot of some movie, which is such a big compliment to me imma cry.

So, yeah that's kinda how I work :') Hope it helped and made sense to some degree.

[skykashi]

Just wanted to chime in on what I've been seeing just now about those AI accusations to try and help put your mind and heart at ease as a fellow artist who's been accused of essentially art theft in the past because of moderate style variations(someone I considered one of my best friends accused me of tracing a piece they'd done of one of their characters because the nose on the sketch I did of him (while having their piece up to the side so I knew what he looked like) looked too similar in their opinion to the one they'd done, along with another piece I used photo reference for). Don't let that person get to you - they obviously have nothing better to do with their time than target random people with accusations they have no proof of, acting like some divine authority on what human-driven art is supposed to look like. Like, demanding proof that someone made a piece is so borderline-dystopian to me, and to claim that your motivation is like, protecting artists from being hurt then go and... accuse an artist of theft/lying for no good reason to the point where they consider leaving the fandom space you claim you're trying to keep 'safe'? Wild. Them saying it must be AI because it's 'soooo different from your usual style' is also insane to me. Styles can literally change on a day-to-day basis depending on a variety of factors. Artists try new things and end up with wildly different results sometimes. I sometimes use really thick lines while other times I push myself to go as thin as possible. Sometimes I go freehand and other times if my tablet's acting up or I just don't feel like plugging it in, I've used vector lines on a premade sketch before using just my mouse to gain ultimate control over line weight, transparency, curves and angles, etc. I've also tried out lineless, going rounder or more angular with my shape language, used 3D models as reference for anatomy in some pieces and freehanded others, etc. Also, it like... costs nothing to mind your own business, am I right? LMAO Keep up the good work and I hope you keep creating and improving even more from here. Stay safe and well and protect your creative spirit against those who would doubt you!

Ikr? I might have understood it if every single thing I post looks completely different from the other but making those claims for one piece that is meant to be different is just wild lol, like I don't know, am I supposed to submit a request first before trying to experiment with new things?

Anyway, thank you so much for all of your kind words, I was really upset yesterday and was thinking what's the point of trying anymore if that's what I will get in the end but I feel much better today thanks to all the wonderful support everyone has shown me 🥺❤️ you guys have no idea how happy and lucky I am to have such a supportive and wholesome community 😭❤️❤️

[thegrimdog13]

Idk if you like this headcannon but I headcannon that kagekao can shapeshift!(as into the pastas{probably only the pastas since slender is too tall 😭}since hes a trickster) Can you do some scenarios on it?

Sorryyy this toke me so long to get to. Forgive me 🙏

So a lot of my versions of the Creepypasta’s are Demons because yesssss…..

Anyhow I’m going to do this as if it was in my au. Also I do enjoy the idea of him being a shapeshifter! 

 ————————————————————————

Kagekao can definitely only shapeshifter into humans and animals 😌

So demons,alien creatures, and weird lizard people are off limits 

Now there are some interesting things to this.

I think that when it comes to my versions of Nurse Ann and EJ is were it gets a little strange 

Kagekao can only turn into EJ before he was sacrificed. He can also only turn into Ann before the “surgery”

Kagekao can only turn into the before version because it isn’t really apart of the  anatomy they were born with. So he can turn into only the part of EJ that isn’t Demon and only the parts of Ann before the “cut and paste” lol.

He can turn into someone when they get a piece of hair from them

So this would be difficult for slender because he has no hair but at the same time it wouldn’t matter because Slender is a demon

Now the demon’s with hair actually have a different type of hair that isn’t the same as humans. This is why he can still turn into EJ because he still has the same hair. Same with Ann even tho she isn’t a demon.

I’m I making this up as I go yes I am

Now if  Kagekao gets the blood of anyone it is way faster for him to turn into them.

The blood of demons is also different 

Now you may be wondering can he turn into Sally or Ben because they are ghosts. The answer is ehhh. It depends on what kind they are for Sally it’s probably a no. But for Ben it’s debatable.

Now you maybe like well how does he fool anyone because he can’t really imitate any scars. Well that’s just it. That’s how you can tell if it is really the person you are talking to or Kagekao. The tricky part of that is Kagekao can probably do makeup or something if it’s not a last minute switch.

Also sometimes things can look different when it is Kagekao like the way they part their hair is switched.

————————————————————————

This is all I have for know but if you want a part two I’d be glad to do more!

[syekick-powers]

SYLVUS and CENRYX: 🪤✂️🎨🎀❇️ 💧🌪️ ☁️💓🙊💥

lord this is gonna be a long one. ima just put this bad boi under a readmore so my followers dont have to Scroll

🪤 MOUSE TRAP - what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?

sylvus: he is pretty easily distracted by Ooh Shiny and will often put himself in harm's way to steal a shiny thing from someone he hates, even if it's a stupid idea to steal something at that exact moment.

cenryx: tbh his sense of self-preservation is so strong that he is not really easily lured into danger. generally speaking the only thing that will pull him into danger is someone he cares about being in trouble, or someone who's going to be paying him for a job being in trouble. because he WILL save someone who's paying him. he'll just absolutely hate it the entire fucking time.

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the “last straw” for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

sylvus: tbh his number one last straw is someone taking out their incredibly black and white morality on him over stupid shit. after dealing with saleth doing that shit to him constantly over whether or not stealing is bad, he fucking gets the hell out of someone's life if they start doing it to him too.

cenryx: fastest way to get cenryx to cut you out of his life is to start asking him intrusive questions about his past and trauma, but also. cenryx will just cut people out of his life at the drop of a hat. he has absolutely no mercy when it comes to cutting contact with people who even mildly annoy him.

🎨 PALETTE - can they draw? what do they like to draw?

sylvus: he's not formally trained at all but he does like to draw. he has a very rough, scribbly art style that's less about perfect realism and more about expressing his emotions physically on paper. he'll draw a lot of different stuff depending on his mood. often times he'll draw something that left a strong impact on him that he wants to preserve in an almost journal-like fashion--anything from a landscape view that was impressive, to a particularly interesting-looking person, to a building with cool architecture, to random objects that caught his attention.

cenryx: he does draw occasionally, but for the most part what he draws tends to be clothing designs and embroidery patterns he's planning on putting on a piece of clothing. he has a fairly decent grasp of anatomy, but generally uses his drawing ability to come up with outfits or outline how he wants to alter a given piece of clothing he recently obtained.

🎀 RIBBON - how would they fit into other worlds / aus? what aus would you like to try out? what fictional world would they fit / not fit into?

sylvus: honestly i feel like sylvus is fairly flexible as a character in terms of being able to fit in lots of alternate situations. i feel like he'd especially fit well into like, cyberpunk-type worlds as some kind of badass anti-government hacker.

cenryx: he's kind of Interesting because i have put him into several AUs by now, but he's uh. kind of a difficult character to AU. a lot of the traits that define him as a character are conformed around his native setting in calaletzi that can sometimes be difficult to translate into other universes. sometimes, altering the setup he's in is enough to make him into a completely different person (i.e. sorin, serkhan). i can't entirely say what fictional world he'd fit into best but i can say that he doesn't really fit well into settings that don't feature some kind of fucked up evil cult or otherwise corrupt religious institution, because his religious trauma is kind of a foundational element of his character.

❇️ SPARKLE - what is their most prized possession? what do they value?

sylvus: honestly i think his childhood rock collection is his prized possession. his sketchbook is a close second though. he tends to value things that have sentimental value to him, stuff that's associated with specific memories. he also really likes shiny/sparkly jewelry.

cenryx: i don't think there's one single thing that cenryx has that he values more than anything else. i think if there's one thing that he values as a prized possession, it's his house. and the fact that he doesn't have to share it with roommates.

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

sylvus: he got bullied a lot as a kid wandering around torlin because he was mouthy and didn't take kindly to other kids treating him badly so it was a fairly frequent occurrence for him to get attacked by other city kids and get his ass beat. and if he tried to tell the parents of the kids who attacked him, the parents always tried to twist it around to accuse sylvus of something instead (bc he's a tiefling in an area where tieflings are not treated well). this definitely contributed a lot to sylvus's fundamental distrust of authority.

cenryx: his first experiences with learning sleight of hand and how to lie effectively as a teenager was stealing extra food from the seers' food stores and lying about it if caught, because they didn't feed him nearly as often as they should have during his teen years and he was basically constantly hungry--both because he was a teenager and because he was going through testosterone puberty at the time. this is part of why he is not at all a picky eater as an adult despite definitely being autistic; he literally could not afford to be a picky eater because his options were either eat the unpleasant food or go hungry.

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you’ve ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

sylvus: honestly, sylvus hasn't really changed all THAT much from how i originally created him. he's kind of developed into a full character in the sense that i have a better idea of his personality and motivations, but he hasn't really significantly changed from how i originally imagined him. he DOES have bigger tits thanks to the wellspring now, though. which HE thinks is important.

cenryx: when i first created cenryx, i imagined him as not really having much interest in sex, due to having troubles with allowing people access to that kind of intimacy. in fact, i made jokes about how people should NOT attempt to fuck him, because it would be an incredibly bad idea to involve yourself with him that much. and. well. now he has an INCREDIBLY active sex life 😂

☁️ CLOUD - a soft headcanon

sylvus: this man is the kind of guy who has an absolute soft spot for any and all animals that are treated as bad luck omens or otherwise disliked or misunderstood because they're dangerous. he relates to the plight of these animals because he also feels like he's disliked and misunderstood for stupid reasons. he's planning on getting tattoos eventually,. and he wants most, if not all, of his tattoos to be of Commonly Maligned Creatures.

cenryx: he has a great fondness for singing, actually, as surprising as that may be. part of the reason why he enjoys living by himself is because being alone in his house means that he can sing to himself while he's doing housework, which makes the tasks--that he already very much enjoys--even more fun for him. he doesn't sing around anyone because of dysphoria around his voice, but he genuinely has a lovely singing voice and can do some amazing things with his voice when he's singing.

💓 BEATING HEART - what gets their heart racing?

sylvus: sneaking and stealing definitely gets his heart going quite intensely, and he is a bit of a thrillseeker for that feeling.

cenryx: combat and sparring. he feels very alive in a fight, either a playful one or an actually dangerous one. his anxiety also gets his heart racing but that's a much less fun heart racing.

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

sylvus: he will never not express his complete and utter disdain for rich people any time he gets the opportunity to voice it.

cenryx: honestly cenryx is the kind of person to stay quiet about too many things. even if they upset him. i cannot actually imagine there being something he refuses to stay quiet about in all situations.

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

sylvus: definitely grief and sadness. he turns into an absolute wreck that locks himself in a room for days on end just being miserable and refusing to do anything except MAYBE eat occasionally.

cenryx: anxiety. definitely. i mean he's better at handling it now than he used to be when he was younger, by a significant amount, but that doesn't mean he finds it easy or comfortable to deal with. his anxiety will drive him fucking insane at times.

[poecatherinek-g]

Colour/lighting study :)

Reference (of Victoria De Anglelis)

I really liked this picture and thought it wold be a good challenge to do seeing as the lighting colours are quite unique and something I haven't really done before. For this drawing I hadn't really planed to use my regular drawing style but instead kind of lean more into semi-realism

I started this piece by doing a very rough sketch of the reference just to help me begin to visualize the drawing. I then went in with some base colours and some very messy shading to use as a starting point/ base for the rest of the colouring to go on top of.

I then moved onto bring in more photo actuate colours and structure to the face and skin. For this piece I decided on more of a painterly technique. I did this by layering the colours on top of the sketch and base colours. The main process I was using consisted of using different shades and colours to define and render parts of her body and clothing.

This is the main brush set I used as I knew for past experience they had a good range of hard and soft brushes that helped when creating smooth transitions between colours as I didn't really want to uses a blending brush and potentially over blend certain areas which would make the colours turn muddy. Next to that screen shot of the brushes is the colours history of the drawing.

I carried on using the same technique of painting and building up the colour and shading, being sure to really look and study the reference every now and then just to make sure I hadn't made any major errors in terms of positioning and shadows/highlights and if I had I would go in and fix them to the best of my ability. These errors usually consisted of me having drawn the hands or other objects (like the bass guitar) in the wrong place so I had to move them or change there angle slightly which proved a little annoying sometimes as I would then have to go in and fill all the gaps I had just made from moving that section of the drawing.

Something else I found with this piece is that the method I used isn't that reliable when it comes to proper anatomy which you can kind of see in this drawing as the sketch I used wasn't that detailed and I as only worked on portions of the picture at a time instead of the whole thing.

Final piece:

Some of the finishing touches I added was the background (which I chose to do as a gradient) as well as adding the lights that are behind her in the original image. Despite a colour difference between the original image and my drawing (because I didn't colour drop the exact colours) I think this turned out really well.

[yurissweettooth]

Hello!

For the artist asks: 8, 13, 16, 18, and 23.

Hello! Thank you for the ask! :D 8.) What do you like most about your own work: Appearance-wise, I like the colors the best. Bright, rainbow-y colors make me very happy, even in angst pieces. Subject matter wise, I just love drawing all of my silly little guys and showing my love and appreciation for them. 13.) Show your favorite drawing from last year: Oh boy, my art has gone through some MAJOR changes since last year. Maybe this one of Zelos (Tales fo Symphonia) and his little sister? 😅 Very different art style, but I still like the concept

16.) What is the most daunting part of the process: The actual drawing part. Anatomy and proportions and different angles are still so tough for me. Once I get to the coloring portion it's usually smooth sailing though! 18.) Any larger projects you'd like to pursue (I answered this on another ask but I'll copy and paste!): I would like to someday make much longer, more detailed animatics. One that show more movement and action, as opposed to just a single still image panning and zooming over a static background for each scene. I would also like to make animations someday. Nothing professional, just for fun! :)

23.) Do you listen to music or watch shows while you work (I'll copy and paste this one too!): Yes! I like all genres of music, but I really like 90s/00s pop, dance, and R&B so I listen to a lot of that. I also like 00s emo and midwest emo revival so lots of that too! I actually don't tend to like watching TV, but sometimes I listen to podcasts like VeryReallyGood or Sad Boyz in the background or deepdive type videos on youtube.

[sashi-ya]

~💟 Sashi's Valentine's Corner 💟~

NSFW~ Law, Sanji, Zoro, Ace & Sabo ~ HCs on Which Kinks They Have

So here I am with my ideas of what they enjoy during sexy times, related to their past experiences in life and how those events could have led them to have such preferences. This a personal hc, pls do not hate if you are not agree.

tw: MINORS DNI. Well, pretty much self explanatory. Kinks mentioned: blood kink, masochism, somnophilia, medical play, sadism, switch, dom, sub, daddy/mommy kink, feminization, sweat kink, bondage, restraining, caning, spanking, voyeurism, breeding.

wc: 2.3k

Switching in between a sadist and a little victim.

Medical play

Oh wait, but did you think this man was into acting like a doctor like those mild porn movies? Oh no, man… Law, Law has the Ope Ope no mi fruit and he knows how to use it for medical -and not so medical- purposes.

He won’t be willing to cut you into pieces at first, of course not, much less without your consent. But if you give it to him… well, prepare yourself. Law could probably tie you -on those darkest nights- and leave you there, alone, without any part of your body he chooses. You can feel the stimulation all of a sudden, but you don’t know what’s next. It’s like blindfolding but to a new whole level.

Also of course, electrical shocks. YES. But soft. You know his “Counter Shock” ability? He can use both fingers or just one, toning down the amount of joules (energy unit that we use with defibrillators) just to make it pleasant for you. He uses those soft shocks that creates in between his fingers to stimulate any zone you would prefer. He is more into the nipple play with them, but you can ask and he will deliver.

Law is a SWITCH.

whereas he loves to be the top, and it’s kinda weird for people to think otherwise, Law needs to let go of all of his worries sometimes. How does he do it? By submitting to you. He leaves everything to you, and he's the kind of sub who needs love and care, almost like a little boy. Most of the time he won’t go into the “age regression” thing, but he will sometimes.

He is a man that’s absolutely not afraid of anything and understands his body and his needs. He is not embarrassed to admit he likes pegging or any other practices that could stimulate any erogenous zones of his anatomy.

He is also into the mommy/daddy kink. Yes. He is. A guy who has a heavy past related with the loss of his caregivers (twice) has developed a dependency for his lover in more than a romantic way. He enjoys being treated sweetly; he enjoys being cared for. He also enjoys sucking tits (not a surprise) and calls his partner mommy/daddy.

Feral or Sleepy…

Blood kink (Hematolagnia)

Our marimo loves to taste the ferrous flavour of the red vital fluid. He also has a need to bite. Since he is into blood, of course, he would get a little aroused by the adrenaline of subduing and subjugating enemies while making them profusely bleed. His demonic side takes over very often.

If you are a person with periods, yes, Zoro is into that. He doesn’t mind you fucking during those days, and he wouldn’t mind of course… you know…tasting some…

Pain Kink (Masochism)

LOVES to inflict pain, but even more, feel it.

Since that time when “nothing happened” during Thriller Bark, his mind went on a dark dark place. He became obsessed with being able to tolerate huge amounts of pain, so he trained hard, really hard. It is difficult to determine where kinks come from, but psychology has its role on them for sure, and so since that new obsession the idea of getting pleasure from pain deeply sat on his mind.

What type of pain? any, really. If you happen to be fighting by his side and he receives a little cut or hit, he will dedicate you a devilish sight and smirk showing you how much he is gonna fuck you when the fight is over.

Somnophilia (with consent)

We all know Zoro and his love for sleeping, right? what if I told you he enjoys a LOT to fuck you while in bed, both sleepy. He loves to hug you from behind, bite shoulders, use his heavy hands to slowly push you against his crotch and sometimes he even has his dick in between your thighs or even inside you in a cockwarming way. There is nothing Zoro loves more than the intimacy of not saying anything, but just feeling his lover close, close, and warm to his body.

He adores grunting into his partner’s ear, while he begins to move in and out, wetting his lover's thighs, using one hand to masturbate them and the other to cover their mouth.

He also loves to be woken up with his lover’s mouth around his shaft, he has begged them to do so, he enjoys it as much as drinking a cup of delicious sake.

Also, if of course his partner has given previous consent, he would wake them up equally.

Needy, lovingly, useful

Oh sweet freckles… he is the sentimental person of the group. Ace is the type of man that would enjoy orgasming a little too much, the guy who has a kink for making love to you.

He enjoys every single part of your body, fixing his eyes into yours, slowly at first burying inside you. Classic missionary, and probably some tears while reaching orgasm with you. Ace wants to finish at the same time as his lover.

The fire freckles boy is all about intimacy and connection. He is indeed into romantic love making. Ace considers that someone loving him, someone willingly wanting to share his body with him and giving him the possibility to be “useful” to them is peak pleasure. The twinkling star has still to work with self-love and feeling proud of himself, so feeling others' love and need for him is all he could ever ask for. That’s why Ace at first, would be a little embarrassed to come a little too soon, as he feels so extremely joyful his hips would move in an ambrosial and feral motion, in and out of you.

He likes to grunt, and moan. And he also likes to hear you do so. There is no better sound for him to hear than your moaning calling his name. “Say you need me” “Say you love me” “Tell me how much you want this”.

Breeding kink

Should I specify why? This youngster is the embodiment of the word “daddy issues”.

Filling you up, romantically, but willingly to impregnate you is a typical practice for him. He gets instantly hard at the thought of your clenching walls being bathed by his warm release. Ace has always stated that he is ready, ready to be a dad, and he is absolutely not worried about getting you pregnant besides the arousing fantasy. “I want my seed inside you, and I will be here to care for you and the little plant growing from my seed”

Guess Ace is trying to unconsciously fill a void and a resentment he still holds deep inside his heart.

Aftercare and praising

Praising you like the queen/king, as a god, as deity for him as he goes deep inside you is also a must for him. Sweet words full of love and lust will flood your ears while he makes you reach heaven with slow, deep thrusts.

After care also is a must. He needs hugs and cuddles after sex. Ace would bury his freckled nose into the crook of your neck while you brush his black wavy locks back as he drifts into sleep. A total sweetheart, a needy man that enjoys the warmth of your love as if it were the last time, he would be feeling it.

SUB.

SUB

OH ALSO, YES, A SUB.

No but really, do you really believe that Sanji is able to act all pervy with a partner when they are alone? Absolutely no. Sanji is a sweetheart, and even if he had created a whole aura of “perviness” around his character he is nothing but that -I mean, he still has pervy thoughts- but when it comes to acting, it is really different for him.

So, what does Sanji enjoy the most? Being used. Being used and probably humiliated, in every possible way. A guy who has suffered that much abuse during his childhood could only lead to extreme behaviours. Sanji has always been a sweet kid and also, he enjoys serving others… but to which extent? A lot. From walking on all fours, to any activity you could ask for, he would obey.

As he enjoys being used and humiliated, he also loves the aftercare after. Red knees are his favourite thing to look at while his partner gives him a bath. Unfortunately, the bath would be something quick, since the moment he feels energized again he would be running to the kitchen to make his lover a delicious plate.

Sanji… hold on a sec, man. Let people love you!

Feminization.

A man who is constantly so aware of women, is probably also interested in more than their bodies. He has spent 2 years with the Okamas and has gone through a whole process from being ashamed to feeling comfortable with women’s clothes on.

Of course he would deny such preference but, deep inside his mind and when solitude hits, Sanji would dare to look at the mirror and paint his lips in bloody red with a lipstick he has in one of his secret drawers. Is not that he is not comfortable with identifying as a man, absolutely no, he loves his masculinity, but sometimes he feels curious and aroused. And that curiosity and the many barriers he creates against his own pulsations, makes him absolutely aroused. Sometimes to the point of coming by the simple touch of women’s lingerie on his sex.

He would be very careful with this topic, though. Sanji will take a long, long time to communicate these preferences to you if he ever does. Is not that he doesn’t trust you, but he is the one who still hasn’t accepted his kink fully.

Sweat/body odor kink.

He is a gentleman, right? He bathes every day; he uses perfume and he wears classic suits…. but Sanji has yet another kink hidden…

This is highly specific, and I’m sure not all of us will agree, but this man is crazy for smelling his lover skin scent while fucking. What’s more, he actually adores the scent of any partner (man/woman) *cof Zoro cof* after training. Also, the little drops of sweat while fucking/someone fucking him that fall into his face drives him CRAZY.

Bondage

Yes, you know it, we all know it. Sanji enjoys being tied up as a part of being a sweet sub. And it’s not a secret, please refer to this post to see how Oda has stated this through all of the years.

Obey the Chief

Ah the sweet blonde that could crush you with just a hand if he wanted to…

Dominance and restraints.

Sabo has a sweet dark side when arousal hits him. He is the chief of personnel in a huge paramilitary organization, what else could you expect but him being a dom? He likes control, he likes to order you up, to assert dominance over you.

Dark grey eyes that turn into the darkest when he hears you moan, he can’t stop himself when he sees you all tied up. Because yes, this man enjoys restraining his “victims.” Leather cuffs and straps, having you like a slave makes him go feral. And it’s actually funny how he is a walking contradiction, he hates nobles yet dresses as one, he frees slaves but enjoys fucking you like one… who knows? Maybe after all the trauma and his fixed ideals, “being abusive” is what turns him on to the fullest.

Of course Sabo is a true man, he would always go further if you have positively agreed to do so. He would never, ever, hurt you and if someone dares to… well… hell will rise.

Spanking and caning.

This man loves to have you over his thighs, and leave your ass cheeks red, red like his scar, red and maroon. He would make you count each and one of his spanks with his gloved heavy hand (pray for him not to use haki).

But, there is a special technique he dearly loves… and that is caning. He is always carrying a pipe as if it were a cane, so, do not be surprised if he wants to use something similar with you. Like spanking, he would use the punishment long tool to leave red marks at the back of your thighs, and he would dearly enjoy you squirming and wetting your panties under his control and discipline.

Voyeurism and breaking the rules.

This man also has a problem with controlling himself. The lack of it could make him feel as pathetic as aroused, and even if he never did it without consent or out of his imagination, he fantasizes with watching his lover/any person he gets aroused by touching themselves while he jerks off hidden and unnoticed.

Even during threesomes, -because he has been involved in some before-, he is usually the one who lets morality put a foot over his actions, making him go painfully hard and drippy inside his own boxers while he sees the others fuck. He would end up succumbing to his needs, allowing his hardness and horniness to take over, turning himself into a demon shortly after.

[whiskeynwriting]

Reader-Specific Writing: Miscarriage

Marcus Moreno x Female Reader

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Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI) please read these warnings thoroughly, as there are many triggering aspects written here.

Mentions and descriptions of sexual intercourse, family dynamics, miscarriage, female anatomy, depression, blood, and the afterlife.

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Summary: You and Marcus have been trying for over a year for another baby, and when you finally receive the good news, you're overjoyed. But why is this pregnancy so different than the last?

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A/N: this piece was requested by @sweetangel0069 and is a very touching and intimate story. Thank you so much for allowing me to tell it Anna ♥️ we played around with which character we’d choose, and I think Marcus was an absolutely perfect fit 🥰

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This is everything you’ve wanted, everything you’ve been working toward for the past year. Your first didn’t take this long but, sometimes things work different. But you’re speaking out of turn, honestly, you haven’t even looked at the results. Still, you can’t help but think about them, a tiny, new baby in your arms. Holding your first… there wasn’t another feeling like it. The connection and happiness you felt was unimaginable, and to experience that again? You were elated at just the possibility of it.

“Oh my god,” you breathe out, finally lifting the test.

You’re not sure it’s right; they’re not always right… right? You feel foolish, but you take two more just to be sure. If this is really happening, you want to be able to tell him with certainty. And after checking three times, you finally let yourself revel in the joy. He’s going to be so happy, and so will Missy. She and Jaime got along so well; you can’t wait to see her reaction when you tell her she’ll be getting another little sibling.

Jaime’s so young he isn’t even in school yet, but he made your family feel complete. Missy never liked being the only child and Marcus told you from the start he always wanted to give her siblings. And after your baby boy was born, the two of you couldn’t help but want even more. There was space, after all, more than enough for everyone to be comfortable. Already, you’re thinking about how you’ll decorate this child’s nursery. Will you want to know their gender? Or have it be a surprise? You’re getting ahead of yourself – you’ll definitely want Marcus’ opinion.

“Really?!” he almost shouts, a smile immediately lighting up his face.

“I mean, I took three tests,” you giggle, leaning into his firm hug. “So, yeah I’m pretty sure.”

“Baby, that’s so great. Oh my gosh!” he holds you against him, sighing deeply as he lifts his one hand to hold the back of your head.

Inside, you feel like you could fly. You knew he’d be just as happy as you. You’d been trying for another one for so long, almost a year, it honestly felt like it would never happen.

“What’s going on?” Missy asks, walking downstairs with Jaime in her arms.

When Marcus had gotten off work, he stopped by his mother’s to pick up Jaime, and then the school to get Missy. Like the great big sister she’s grown to be, she had taken it upon herself to bring Jaime upstairs to change him.

“You wanna tell her, honey?” Marcus asks, pulling away from you.

He holds your face with both of his hands, leaning in to kiss the tip of your nose. You smile, nodding eagerly before turning to your stepdaughter.

“I’m pregnant again!”

“Wait, really?!” she nearly squeals, jumping a bit in shock.

“Yes,” you chuckle, feeling Marcus pull you into a sideways hug.

“Is it a boy again?!” she asks with a smile lighting up her beautiful face.

“We’re not sure yet, it’s too early to tell.”

But you’re already thinking of names, ones you and Marcus have discussed before. He loves the name Sofia for a girl, and you do too, that and Laia. During your last pregnancy, you brought up the name Mateo, which he absolutely fell in love with. Jaime, however, won that time. Maybe Mateo will win this time. That is, if it’s a boy.

At dinner, the three of you are already discussing how you’ll announce it to your family and friends. You both made Missy swear to secrecy until then, and she promised not to tell a soul. Honestly, she was just so happy to be in on the surprise. You didn’t do a huge party for Jaime’s gender reveal, just did a cake-cutting with your close family and friends. Maybe you’ll do something similar this time, too.

“Marcus?” you call from the bathroom, lotioning your legs after a shower.

“Yeah, honey?” he responds, appearing in the doorway.

“Do you still like the name Mateo?”

He leans against the doorframe, humming lowly yet happily. Crossing his arms, he smiles, nodding at you.

“I think that might be my favorite.” He tells you calmly, eyes running up the lengths of your legs. “Aside from Jaime, of course.”

“Of course,” you grin, his eyes rising to meet your gaze.

“What about for a girl?”

He sighs again, eyes lifting a bit as he thinks. “Do you still like Sofia?”

You grin, cheeks feeling warm under his gaze. “I love that name.”

It’s only been a few days, but this new baby has occupied up every thought in your mind. It’s taken everything you have to not tell your closest coworkers about the news, and lately, it’s all you and Marcus talk about. This is such an absolute blessing for the two of you, for your entire family. You’re not sure how many kids you and Marcus want, but you know this won’t be your last baby.

After speaking for a few more minutes, he walks back into your shared master bedroom, climbing into bed. You say you’ll be right behind him, only needing to finish up with your lotion and use the toilet. But when you sit down, you realize you’ll be a little longer than expected.

It’s not much, only a small amount, but still… why is it there? Your body feels like a shock had just run through it, staring down at the small patch of blood in your underwear. This has never happened to you before but, there has to be a reason for this. A reasonable reason for this. Implantation bleeding, you then think, feeling a small ounce of relief. Sometimes you can have implantation bleeding. That must be it. It’s fine.

“You okay, baby?” Marcus calls gently, not wanting to wake Jaime or Missy.

“Yeah,” you shout shakily in response, and it concerns him. But you’re in the bathroom so he decides to just give you your space. When you come out though, he asks, “Is something wrong?”

“No,” you shake your head, settling next to him in bed. “I’m alright.”

“You sounded off, honey.” He tells you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. He pulls you in close, giving your temple a kiss.

He feels so amazing inside and has ever since you told him. To have you make him a father again would make him the happiest man in the world. Since meeting you, it’s like nothing else has mattered; nothing else but you and his little girl, and then his little boy. You’ve given him love, happiness, a feeling of belonging and pure, fatherly joy. You’ve given him his life back.

“I’m okay, baby.” You nod, glancing up at him. Those lovingly deep eyes make you feel all warm inside, your hand lifting to trace your fingertips along his scruff. Before you continue on, you lean in, giving him a soft kiss. “I’m fine.”  

You’ve been pregnant before, and everything went fine – great, actually. There’s no reason to suspect something might be wrong. Implantation bleeding happens, it doesn’t mean anything bad is happening. Nothing else feels off, so… why worry? Your body has done this before, and you’re more than confident that it can do it again. You’re healthy, what’s the worst that could happen?

More bleeding, that’s something worse than can happen. It’s so much that it wakes you up, the wetness of it ongoing and drowning your pants and bedsheets in red.

“W – what…”

At first, you’re not sure what it is. Surely, you didn’t pee the bed. You’re a grown woman, why would that happen? Although, you wish it was the case instead of this. Lowering your hand, you stuff it between yourself and the bed, lifting it back up to confirm your suspicions. Your eyes go wide, heartrate skyrocketing in your chest. What the fuck? What the fuck?!

Quickly, you turn to your side, looking for Marcus. Thankfully, he’d rolled over and away from you in the night, no longer wrapped around you. As quietly as you can, you slip out from the bed, hurrying into the ensuite. You make sure to turn the light on only after you’ve closed the door, not wanting to wake him.

There’s… so much of it; and it just keeps picking up. You’ve never even had a period like this before. It’s shocking, almost like a steady stream of liquid red coming out… and it’s bright red with… clots? Yes… lots of them. What is happening? Why is this happening?

Your mind is reeling, and you can’t help but think the worst. But this can’t be what’s going on. Maybe something is just wrong with the baby but surely, they’re still… there. Your heart starts sinking – you’ve never felt so hopeless before, but you need to stop it, you need to be realistic about this and stay strong. You don’t know anything for a fact, other than this is your baby, your and Marcus’ baby.

Before he’d gone to bed, he worried about you. Internally, he felt strangely about this; something just wasn’t right. Your gentle jostle did in fact wake him up from sleep, but only because he’d been sleeping so lightly. He’d only relaxed enough to fall into a dream before he was awake again, but he could tell by the way you got up that you didn’t want to disturb him, so he let you believe that you didn’t. And he planned on staying here until you came back into bed, until the two of you fell asleep again and greeted the morning anew. But that was before he heard your quiet crying.

“Querida?” he murmurs, tapping his knuckles gently on the door. “Estas bien?” (My dear, are you okay?)

Your head snaps up as you sniffle, a sharp pang jolting throughout your body. Shit. Quickly, you wipe your nose with a piece of toilet paper, using another piece to dry your eyes.

“I – I’m fine,” you gently call back, but you can’t help the shaky exhale your body forces out from your cries. And Marcus hears it.

“Can I come in?” he then asks softly, unsure of what is happening.

You ponder this for a moment. What are you going to do? When you look down, you’re still bleeding profusely. It won’t stop.

“Mi amor?” Marcus opens the door just a crack. “What’s going on?” (My love?)

All at once, you let out the incredible cry you’d been holding inside. You sob completely, almost immediately met with a concerned Marcus kneeling by your side.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” he seems frantic, eyes scanning your figure. He hates seeing you cry, especially so intensely. What could be bothering you so much? But then, his eyes dip lower, seeing the red-tinted skin on the insides of your thighs. When he sees this, he whispers your name, completely taken aback.

“I don’t know what’s going on!” you cry to him, sniffling thickly while trying to steady your breaths to keep quiet. You don’t want to wake your children.

“Are you hurt?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know!”

“Okay, okay,” he coos to you, reaching up to run his hands over your outer arms. Knowing how out of sorts you are, it’s up to him to make the call. “Let’s go, cariño.” He says, rubbing your knee. (baby)

“What? Where?” you look into his eyes, warm and still while yours are puffy and swirling with worry.

“We should go to the hospital, honey.” His voice is calm, steady. “We don’t know what’s wrong, and… the baby.”

He hates to say it, but you’re both thinking it. Of course you’re worried about the baby right now, why wouldn’t you be?

“But wh – who’ll watch the kids?” you ask him, breaths shaky as you hiccup quietly.

“Shh…” Marcus sits up on his knees, pulling you in for a soft hug, regardless of the fact that you’re still sitting on the toilet. Truly, his love knows no bounds. “I’ll call my mother. We need to figure this out.”

He’s right, and you know he is, but you hate that you have to bother his mother. It’s the middle of the night, you’d surely be waking her up. But Marcus insists upon it, saying that your health is more important than his mother losing a few hours of sleep. Besides, when Marcus calls her, she’s more than happy to come over. She doesn’t know about the baby though, and while you both hate it, you have to lie to her. He makes up the excuse of the stomach flu when she arrives at the house, looking at you with worry.

“Mi amor, eso no es bueno.” She shakes her head, approaching you and placing her hands on your outer arms. She squeezes lovingly, and you give her an appreciative smile. “Te hare sopa – la cura para todo!” (My love, that is no good. I will make you soup – the cure for it all!)

“Gracias, Mamá Moreno.” You return, trying to look anywhere but her. You could be carrying her grandchild, and you’re lying to her. Though, that’s really the least of your worries. (Thank you, Mama Moreno)

But while you’re more than courteous toward Marcus’ mom, he’s eager to get you into the car. Quickly yet politely, he ends your conversation, thanking his mother before re-directing you to the garage’s interior door. As usual, he opens your car door for you, this time leaning down before closing it.

“Are you alright? Can I do anything?” he asks you, reaching for you hand.

You watch with teary eyes as he lifts it to his lips, giving you a soft kiss while keeping your worry-filled gaze.

“You’re already doing more than enough, my love.” you return, smiling at his affection. Strangely, it plants a small seed of hope inside you. Surely the love the two of you have for each other and this baby will help the fetus’ health shine through. It’s a long shot but, it gives you hope.

“This is ridiculous.” He fumes, and you’ve never seen him so mad.

Marcus paces back and forth across the waiting room floor, crossing and un-crossing his arms while the two of you wait.

“You need to be seen now; this is an emergency!”

“I know, baby.”

The tone of your voice makes him spin around, reminding him that you’re suffering behind him all alone. Immediately, he comes to your side. He sits beside you, bundling you up in a warm hug between his strong arms.

“I’m sorry, baby, I… I didn’t mean to ignore you. I, I –”

“It’s okay.” You cut him off, leaning into him. “I just need you right now.”

“I know,” he instantly returns, one hand rising to pet the back of your head. “I know, and I’m here, hermosa.” (beautiful)

Even though you’re in his arms, you feel shaky and unsure. You don’t know what this is, you’re uncertain of your baby’s future. And more than anything, Marcus is spiraling because this isn’t something he can control. He can’t make this better for you. He can be here beside you, hold you and talk to you, love on you until the sun stops setting, but to him, it won’t be enough. He can’t fix what’s happening this time.

“Moreno?”

“Yes.” Marcus’ head shoots up, looking to the nurse, and then back to you. “Come on, hermosa, let’s go.” He kisses the side of your forehead, seeing the still-somber look on your face.

He helps you to stand even though he doesn’t necessarily need to. Both of you follow the nurse back past the double doors, down a hallway, and into a sterilized patient room. And after explaining the situation to her, she comes up with a game plan.

“Okay honey,” she says, handing the test over to you. “First thing’s first. Let’s take a test.”

Immediately, Marcus worries that it will be negative. He hates himself for thinking that right off the bat, but he almost can’t help it. But he doesn’t voice it, of course. On the other hand, you’ve completely zoned out. At this point, you’re just on autopilot. You grab the test, follow the directions to the bathroom, pee on the stick, and give it back. You don’t look, you’re too scared to; you’ve never been so scared to look.

“Okay you two,” your nurse returns, sighing as she glances at her clipboard. “It’s positive.”

“What?” you sit up in bed, palms flat on the sheets. “Really?!”

“Yep.” She nods with a smile. “Next up on the list, I’m ordering you some bloodwork. We want to cover all of our bases. After that, I’ll be requesting both a vaginal and abdominal ultrasound.”

“Okay,” Marcus breathes out, nodding to her. He’s been sitting in a chair beside your bed, letting you rest and occasionally sleep.

She looks to both of you, offering a kind smile. “Sit tight. I’ll be back soon.”

“Sit tight.” Marcus mumbles, rubbing his face. “You’re sitting here bleeding and we’re supposed to sit tight.”

“Baby,” you return, yawning. “She’s doing her best.”

But he doesn’t respond, he just shifts, standing and then sitting on the edge of your bed.

“Do you want me to turn off the lights? So you can get some sleep?”

“Marcus,” you say, your voice cracking. “I can’t sleep.”

“Why?”

“I’m so scared. I don’t know what I did to this baby.”

“Hey, you didn’t do anything.”

He leans forward, holding your face in his hands. Both thumbs swipe slowly, catching the new stream of tears flowing down your cheeks.

Again, his heartrate increases, he begins to sweat slightly, and his throat becomes dry. He doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what to say. All he can tell you is that he loves you, he loves you and your little family more than anything in the entire world. And maybe, that’ll be enough for you. Maybe his love will be enough.

You’ve never been a fan of needles, but with Marcus by your side, it’s bearable. She takes about four tubes, but the juice and cookie help afterwards. It does nothing to calm your nerves, though, and as luck would have it, your results come back normal. For some reason, that only makes your anxiety worse.

“I don’t get it,” you murmur, shaking your head. “Then what’s wrong?”

“We’re not sure yet, hun.” She tells you, rubbing your back.

Marcus had gone down to the cafeteria to grab the both of you some breakfast. You’d arrived at the emergency room at around two in the morning. By now, it’s just after five. And while he’s gone getting your food, your nurse stays by your side.

“The last thing we’ve got are your ultrasounds. With how your test results have been going, we’re bound to see your little baby in there.”

You just feel unsure. Unsure and exhausted. You’re not sure what to do, where to go, what to say, and Marcus is no different. But he’s trying, he’s doing everything he can. He won’t let you go through this alone.

“Okay,” he sighs, walking through the door.

Both of you look up, your tired eyes meeting his own. He looks completely drained, but persistent. He pushes on, pulling out a tray to set your food on.

“They didn’t have pancakes, but they did have waffles. I know it’s not your first choice, but I brought syrup to make it better. Some milk, some apple juice for something sweet.” He grins, that cute dimple showing as he hands the juice to you. “I also brought you some Jell-O, baby. Snagged the last one for you. There’s a biscuit and eggs there, too.”

“Marcus,” you say with a giggly smile. Reaching out to him, he follows your gestured call, leaning into the hold your hands place on his face. “Thank you, baby.”

He smiles into your kiss, humming softly. “Anything for you, mi amor.” (my love)

“Moreno?” a doctor asks on the other side of the curtain, walking past when Marcus responds with a groggy yes.

“Hi there,” the doctor nods, offering a brief grin. “We have your ultrasounds ready for you.”

You take a breath, nodding slowly. Honestly, this is it. For as far along as you are, there should at least be a heartbeat. There has to be a heartbeat.

But the first ultrasound shows you nothing. Not a sign of life in sight.

The second ultrasound, the one of your womb, is empty. There’s nothing.

“I’m so sorry, honey.” Your nurse coos to you, placing a hand on your shoulder once the doctor walks away.

“What… what does this mean?” you ask shakily, turning to look up at her.

Marcus is holding back tears, his hands clasped together and held in front of his face.

“Either you’re still too early in your pregnancy to see the fetus, or you had a miscarriage.” She tells you, kindly yet honestly. And you appreciate her honesty. “In my opinion, it is likely a miscarriage.”

Something snaps inside you; an incredible weight falls over your body. Your body, your body. Your body has carried a baby before; you had to have done something this time for this to happen. You think, this has to be your fault, it just doesn’t make sense any other way. Why would this happen if your body was healthy and equipped for carrying and growing a new baby? You already know you let Marcus down, and you let this baby down, too. It’s mother, someone a child is supposed to trust. What did I do?

Marcus sits off to the side in his chair, concern and anguish written all over his face. The thought that everything was going to be fine is no longer in your head, and you can’t bring it back. Because everything, very clearly, is not fine.

He’s mad, infuriated, angry at the world but not at you, never at you. Waves of sadness and anger wash over him repeatedly, confusion also playing a part. Why is this happening to you? he genuinely doesn’t understand what went wrong or if anything necessary ‘went wrong’, or what. This didn’t happen with Missy when his previous wife carried her, and it didn’t happen during your pregnancy with Jaime, so why is it happening now?

And he’s scared, too. He’s so scared and he doesn’t know what to do. But he has to be there for you. He doesn’t know what to do but one thing is for certain, and it’s that he needs to be there for you. It’s difficult, communicating his emotions, because he doesn’t want to upset you any more than you already are. But maybe he doesn’t have to. He shifts, standing up and snuggling next to you on your bed. He holds you, feeling you turn in his arms and snuggle into his chest.

“I love you, querida.” He whispers, kissing your forehead. “I will always love you.”

“This is my fault, Marcus. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know how I could let this happen.”

“Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. I promise you; how could you have known this was going to happen?”

Marcus continues speaking to you, bringing a certain kind of reassurance that is realistic, too. He can’t tell you enough how much he loves you, how strong and capable you are. And you don’t believe him right now, not at all. But you appreciate it, appreciate him. You always will.

Shortly after your two ultrasounds, you’re discharged, the two of you walking out with puffy eyes and tired hearts. You’re not expecting the message you receive though. Before you leave, the nurse discharging you hands you a pamphlet. She’s a different one than the woman that had been by your side through the night.

“Congratulations,” she says with a bright grin, handing you the rectangular booklet. “It looks like you’ll be having an October baby.”

“I, um…”

Of course, this confuses you greatly, but at the same time it gives you a renewed sense of hope. Maybe this will work out after all. Maybe you are just too early in your pregnancy. So, with a light breath, you take the paper like a promise, and return home.

You’ve been living with uncertainty for another week. You’ve bled every day, and Marcus knows about it, too. When there’s that much blood, it’s hard to hide it, especially from him. He sees the change in your mood, and it seems that no matter what he does, he can’t change it. He worries about what’s going on in your head. Every morning, he watches you take your prenatal vitamin. You haven’t heard any other news from any doctors, but you think that as long as you keep taking them, it will be okay. As long as you avoid the foods you aren’t supposed to eat, avoid the drinks you’re not supposed to have, it’ll help. And while you were trying to put on a brave face, it was hard to even convince yourself that you were still carrying. You honestly feel like you’re falling apart on the inside. You should be able to control your body, and right now… you can’t.

But no matter how hard it is to actually keep going, you have to, because you still have your kids. Missy and Jaime need you. Today, they both have doctor’s appointments, and while the simple idea of even entering a doctor’s office is starting to disturb you, you take them anyway. Marcus is at work and so is his mother, you’re the only one that can today.

Your children bring you joy that is honestly incomparable to anything in this world. Even something as simple as singing with them in the car, it makes life worth living. Even if this pregnancy doesn’t come to fruition, it will be alright. It’s hard for you to accept it, but it will. You still have your family; it will be alright.

“Come on, honey.” You say with a grunt, hauling Jaime out of his care seat.

Naturally, Missy reaches out to carry him. She’s truly grown so much, even in her early teenage years. It makes you beam brightly, seeing the love she has for her little brother.

“Oh,” comes your sudden gasp, now leaning against the car.

Missy turns around with a concerned frown. “Are you okay?” She doesn’t know about your possible miscarriage, either.

“I’m okay, baby.” You reply, sighing roughly. “Do you think, would you be able to take your brother with you upstairs? I’ll be right behind you, just gonna hit the bathroom.”

“Okay,” she nods, confident in her abilities. She’s become so independent.

Once she’s out of sight, you hurry to the bathroom. It feels like something literally fell out of your vagina and plopped into your underwear. And you’ve definitely never had that happen before. When you get to the bathroom, you find an empty stall and pull your pants down to find out what the hell just happened.

A sharp rush of adrenaline rushes through your veins, your eyes widening slightly while your eyebrows fold. A blood clot the side of your palm is sitting mostly in your underwear, and gently, you pull it the rest of the way out. You stare at it in shock, thinking what the hell is this? You’ve dealt with blood clots before occasionally, but never one of this size. But other than this strange thing, you feel fine. So, you flush the clot, clean yourself up, and flush the toilet. When you’re done, you find the kids doctor’s office, and make your way up.

Thankfully, the rest of the day goes off without a hitch. You feel fine, happy even. You don’t have to change your underwear for the rest of the day once you get home and get a new pair, your stomach doesn’t feel off and for once, your emotions seem to be evening out.

“Querida?” Marcus sings, finally getting home. (Dear?)

You and the kids have been home for a few hours by now, Marcus arriving around five o’clock. He scans the entryway, walking forward through the short hall and into the kitchen. And once he finds you, he smiles.

“Hi baby,” you coo gracefully in return, heart beating affectionately in your chest.

He comes to you, giving you a firm hug. His fingers rub over you, humming quietly, briefly, when he feels your own arms wrap around him, too.

“How are you?” he asks, that rich, deep baritone making you swoon.

Marcus continues to hold the sides of your arms, looking to you with so much love.

“I feel good,” you nod, shrugging. “Better.”

“I’m so happy to hear that, hermosa.” Quickly, he exhales a breath, truly feeling relieved. He can’t stand to see you in such pain. “Have you thought about dinner?”

He goes on to tell you that he’s thought about it since lunch, his stomach grumbling nonstop. It makes you giggle, seeing him be so boyish. Sometimes, he acts just like a kid, and when he’s actually around the kids, that goes tenfold. He’s so sweet with them, so cuddly and attentive and kind. After deciding on your afternoon meal, he rounds the two of them up, coming back down the stairs with baby Jaime in his arms.

Missy helps you cook while Marcus and Jaime play. There’s not much you can do with a baby his age, but Marcus makes the most of it. He lays down on the living room rug with him, holding up animal toys and making each one’s noise. It makes his son giggle and laugh, and it makes Marcus laugh, too.

Dinner is quick, simple. Missy has homework to do and thankfully, Jaime goes to bed easily. A full belly really does him in. Marcus claims food has the same effect on him, too.

“Go on,” he says, kissing your cheek. “I’ll clean up.”

Sure, Marcus had his flaws – everyone does. But he didn’t show them often, and especially not now. He always reacted appropriately to the situation at hand, and you are no exception. After this entire ordeal, you weren’t sure what you needed. But somehow, he gave it to you.

A shower sounds nice, but the simple act of getting undressed makes you spiral all over again. You look down, expecting blood, but don’t see any. And while this should be a good thing, the only thing you’re thinking about now is that blood clot you had at the doctor’s office. It, that must have… that must have been the fetus. You must have finally miscarried.

Upon your new realization, your stomach drops. Has this really happened?

Once again, you move through the motions, almost as if on autopilot. You manage to shower, drying off and then dressing yourself in some cozy pajamas. Nearly emotionless, you walk out of the bathroom, eyes immediately meeting Marcus’ as he rests on the bed. He’s sitting with his back against the headboard, reading in the dim light coming from the top of his nightstand. When he heard you open the door, he naturally looked up.

His eyes call out to something somber in your soul. The way he looks at you makes everything come out, tears swelling in your eyes as your lower lip begins to pout. You can’t help the overwhelming emotions that wash through you, practically crumbling on the bed.

“W – what, what happened?” Marcus stutters out, tossing his book down and leaning closer to wrap you in his arms. “Honey, what happened?”

“It happened, Marcus,” you sub, inhaling a sharp breath. “It really happened this time.”

“What did?” he asks, looking down at you.

“There was, I had this thing, this… blood clot. I h – haven’t bled since.”

You’re shaking beneath him from crying so hard, and he’s doing his best to keep you steady. But when you tell him this, his stomach drops too.

“It was the baby, Marcus.”

“Baby…”

It’s all that comes out of his mouth, he doesn’t want you to hear him weeping too. But as soon as he understands, hot, heavy tears fall from his eyes. He’s disappointed, of course, you both were so excited to welcome this new baby into the world, into your family.

Officially, this is the end of your journey, at least for this pregnancy. You feel like you failed; it’s over, you can’t come back from this, can’t reverse it or make it better. You let your whole family down. What are you going to tell Missy? What will she think?

You just don’t understand, you don’t get it at all. You and Marcus just made a beautiful baby boy together, why couldn’t you have this baby too?

“This may not be the right thing to say,” Marcus begins hesitantly, swallowing before he continues. “But… it will be okay. I’m here, I promise I’m here. I know you, baby, you’re so strong. We’ll figure this out, we’ll figure out how to move past this, together.”

It’s easy for you to fall asleep, your body drained after your explosion of emotions. It happens before you realize it, drifting off in Marcus’ arms all too easily. But what comes next isn’t easy, at least, not at first.

You can see her, your baby, the one you no longer have. Marcus is holding her, smiling down at the small bundle in his arms. The pink blanket she’s wrapped in reveals to you her gender, and Marcus looks like he couldn’t be happier. Then, your attention shifts as he looks to his left, and you suddenly see yourself in a hospital bed.

“Cómo deberíamos llamarla?” he asks you, speaking softly above his daughter. (What should we name her?)

“Sofia.” You answer, smiling softly, as if you had agreed on the name many months ago. “Sofia Marie.”

Your baby, your daughter, she seems… happy. There’s a feeling in the air that takes away every solemn sensation, replacing it with grace and acceptance. She’s healthy, too. The space here feels warm and kind, and she’s with her mother and father, at least, the souls of them. You and Marcus will always be connected to her.

She’s okay here. She’s safe on the other side.