#sometimes you look at the page and wonder if you’re actually the one thats empty

[anawkwardlady]

Writing insecurity sometimes is not so much a fear of the writing looking bad but the worse haunting idea that you actually have nothing substantial to say to people.

[mermaidsneedwater]

second chances | chapter eight

series page

The Dream

You sat on the Vespa, your arms locked around the riders waist. Cruising through the streets of Italy, you hooted happily.

“I never want to go back!” You cried out happily, your arms up to the sky.

You felt the vibrations of the rider's chest as he chuckled and slowed down the Vespa. Stopping in front of an ice cream stand, he got off the scooter, his black leather jacket and helmet still on. As he moved to bring the ice creams to you, you called out “Yugyeom!”

The rider came closer, dropping the ice creams in his hands. He removed his helmet, and you stepped back.

“Jaebeom.” He corrected you. Jaebeom reached out to cup your cheek tenderly, “don’t forget me baby…”

You bolted up in bed as your heart raced. You wiped away the tears that had fallen, and ran a hand through your hair. You looked to see the sunlight streaming in through the window.

“It was a dream…” you whispered to yourself. “It was just a dream.”

Hoping to distract yourself, you woke up to see a couple messages from Yugyeom.

Yugyeom: so i invited my parents to the performance tonight… they said they’d be there.

Yugyeom: are you coming

Yugyeom: i don’t know if i can do this.

Sighing, you quickly replied.

Y/N: Thats great news!

Y/N: Of course I’m coming tonight.

You contemplated adding in ‘you’re going to be great.’ but decided against it. Tossing your phone to the side, you turned to Nora who sat firmly on your legs.

“I’m not going to forget him, Nora.” You told her. “I won’t let it happen.”

+++

After your exchange from the morning, Yugyeom hadn’t responded to you all day.

Feeling a strange sort of emptiness, you frowned. Usually he’d send you dumb jokes he’d seen on the internet, hoping to make you smile. Sometimes he’d send you videos of him dancing goofily, knowing you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself from laughter.

One might say you were missing him.

Before you could confirm the possibility, you shook it out of your head. You couldn’t possibly be missing him. And even if you were, which you weren’t. Friends miss each other, that was a thing, right?

Knocking on your front door, Chaeyoung peeked her head in “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” you nodded softly. “Did you bring your car?”

“Oh… Actually Bambam picked me up.” She said sheepishly. “He said he’ll bring us there and have you dropped back.”

Picking up your purse, you walked out the door and walked to the elevator with Chaeyoung. “Wow, you guys are getting pretty close aren’t you?” You raised an eyebrow, teasing her.

Chaeyoung gave you a weird look before shrugging.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, concerned. “The Chaeyoung I know would be bouncing up and down because of this.”

She bit her lip, unsure if she should confess what she felt.

“Tell me.” You said kindly.

“Oh god Y/N, I just don’t know! I can’t let myself get involved with him when I know he’s leaving in a month. I’m scared that he’ll just break my heart and then leave.”

You looked at her sadly before pressing the elevator button. “Everyone leaves eventually. You should enjoy the time with him that you have. You can figure out the rest later.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She agreed quietly.

As the two of you walked out of the building, you were met with a black Audi parked out front. Compared to the other cars in the lot, the car Bambam sat in stuck out like a sore thumb.

“Woah, is this yours?” You asked, getting into the backseat.

Bambam closed Chaeyoung's door and hopped in the driver's seat before responding, “Nope. It’s Yugyeom’s. It took me two hours last night to convince him to let me drive it.”

“When did he buy this?” You said, shocked that he had such a nice car now. “And what happened to Honey?”

You were of course referring to Yugyeom’s old car, one that had broken down on one of the nights the two of you were hanging out.

“I think he got it last week? His company gave him a real nice advance on his salary. Apparently he’s been working very hard” Bambam explained as he drove. “Honey is living out the rest of her days in a spare car parts junkyard. It was time for her to go.”

Nodding you glanced at Chaeyoung who sat in the passenger's seat. You watched as Bambam placed a hand over hers and squeezed it. She looked up at him and smiled, before squeezing his hand back.

“Hey, you two.” You joked, “I’m sitting right here.”

“Sorry Y/N, you’re third wheeling tonight.” Bambam laughed.

+++

Sitting in your seat at the theatre, you couldn’t help but look into the crowd. You wondered where Yugyeom’s family was sitting. Had they even shown up?

“Are you looking for someone?” Bambam asked, noticing you craning your neck.

Caught, you confessed “I’m trying to see where Yugyeom’s family is.”

Bambam looked throughout the crowd with you, “They should be here, maybe they’re sitting closer to the stage.”

Nodding, you settled back into your seat, seeing the lights dim.

Multiple dancers appeared on stage, some as soloists, others in groups. Each with their own unique style of dance. It was clear to see all the hard work they’d been putting in, and how talented they were.

Finally, Yugyeom appeared on stage blindfolded. He gracefully completed his routine, gliding through the movements. He was the most graceful you've ever seen him. If before tonight you thought he was an excellent dancer, his performance proved how professional he was. Towards the end of the routine, he ripped off the blindfold and was greeted with a roaring crowd.

Bambam, Chaeyoung, and You stood up, applauding and hooting for your friend. Catching your eye in the crowd, you could swear he blushed. Bowing, he waved and walked off the stage.

As all the dancers appeared back on stage for a final bow, they were welcomed with a standing ovation. People cheered, whistled, threw flowers, and clapped as loud as they possibly could. As the curtain closed, guests filed out of the theatre to leave, the three of you moved with the crowd.

You reached for your purse, groaning when you realized you’d left it at the seat. Tapping Chaeyoung on her shoulder, you informed her that you’d be going back to get it and you’d meet them at the exit.

Pushing through the crowd, you let out a breath of relief when you saw your seat with your bag still underneath it.

Walking up the stairs you could’ve sworn you heard someone call your name.

“Y/N?” The voice called out again.

You scanned the almost empty auditorium, searching for the voice. You spotted a man in a black dress shirt and black dress pants. He waved to you, and motioned for you to come over.

“Hi?” you said, confused at who the stranger was.

“Hi, sorry to call you out like that, but I thought it was you and I just had to make sure.”

“I’m sorry but who are you?”

“I’m Yugyeom’s older brother, Euigyeom.” He smiled and held out a hand for you to shake. “Now I’m a bit insulted, Yugyeom hasn’t mentioned me?”

Now that he’d told you, you were embarrassed that you hadn’t figured it out yourself. The brothers looked exactly alike and had the same teasing spirit.

“I’m sorry, he has. I just didn’t recognize you.” You laughed. “How did you know who I was though?”

“Yugyeom doesn’t talk to our parents, but we still talk, almost everyday actually.” He explained. “He’s sent me a couple of pictures of the two of you, he never shuts up about you.”

You blushed, looking down, “I see…”

Euigyeom added, “It’s nice to see that he has a girlfriend now.”

You froze, “Oh, I’m not his girlfriend. We’re just good friends.”

“If you say so.” he responded.

“Did your parents end up coming? He was really nervous about tonight.”

“They did, suffice to say I think they understand their son a bit better now.” He smiled at you. “They went to see him right now. Actually I should get going, I’m their ride home.”

“Well it was really nice meeting you.” You told him, smiling. “I hope things work out within your family.”

“I have a feeling everything will be alright.” Euigyeom said. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I know my little brother and he never would’ve called our parents. He’s stubborn and emotional. I know it took an outside person to knock some sense into him.” He said. “I want to thank you, for whatever you said to him.”

“It was nothing.” You smiled. Waving goodbye, you grabbed your purse and proceeded to walk down the steps.

+++

As Yugyeom shied away from the group’s compliments, you knew he was glowing on the inside. Tapping on the steering wheel, he tried to restrain the large, dorky grin plastered on his face as he drove the car and listened to your rave reviews.

“You were too good man!” Bambam said.

“Yeah! I didn’t know you could move like that,” Chaeyoung added.

Yugyeom glanced at you from the steering wheel, eager to hear what you would say. “What did you think Y/N?”

“Eh. I’ve seen better.” You shrugged without a care.

Biting back a laugh, you watched as his face fell. “Really?” He asked sadly.

“No! You were incredible,” You smiled. “I’m very impressed with you Mr. Kim, you have my utmost respect.”

“Thank you, Thanks guys.” Yugyeom grinned. “I’m glad you all came.” Pulling up in front of her apartment building, Yugyeom unlocked the doors. “Goodnight Chae, thanks for coming again.”

“See you Gyeom, bye Y/N” She waved goodbye. As she left the car, Bambam got out too, walking her to the door.

You watched from the passenger seat as Bambam kissed her goodnight.

“Young love.” You murmured. “They’ve come so far. Who knew?”

“I know right.” Yugyeom agreed, tapping on the steering wheel. “We’ve come pretty far too, huh?”

Softly smiling, you turned to look at him, “Yeah.”

Before he could say anything else, Bambam was back in the car. Looking at him through the rearview mirror, Yugyeom said “I’ll drop you off first Bam, and then Y/N.”

“But that doesn’t make any sen-”

Catching Yugyeom’s glare in the mirror, he quickly shut up and finished his sentence “sure, that’s great.”

The ride to Yugyeom’s was quiet, the radio playing softly in the back filled the silence. Bambam mumbled “thanks, see you” and quickly got out of the car. Yugyeom reversed the vehicle before heading back on the road.

“You know you could’ve dropped me off before, then you wouldn’t have had to make two trips.” You said finally.

“I don’t mind. Besides, we haven’t talked at all today and I kind of missed you.” He said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Kind of?” You teased him.

“I did. I really missed you.” He softly smiled. “Did you miss me?”

“Nope.” You laughed as you stuck your tongue out at him.

“Ouch. It’s okay, I know you get nervous around me so that’s why you’re not saying it.” Yugyeom assured you.

“Right…” You laughed. “Oh! I met your brother by the way.”

“That couldn’t have gone well.” Yugyeom shifted uncomfortably in his seat before glancing over at you, “What did he say?”

“He was nice. He told me your parents came, and that he thinks that things will work out.” You smiled. “He also thought we were dating… something about how you’re always talking about me.”

“I’m going to kill him.” Yugyeom said through gritted teeth, his one grip on the wheel tightening and a fist forming in the other hand.

You reached over and placed a hand on his fist, “It’s fine, I told him we’re just friends.”

With your touch, his anger melted away as he unclenched the hand. Obviously affected by your touch, he cleared his throat and moved the hand back on the steering wheel. “I’m still going to kill him.”

As he pulled into the parking lot in front of your apartment, he sat still in the car, not moving. You sat in a comfortable silence before you spoke, “Hey, your SNU keychain!”

Looking at what you were pointing to, Yugyeom looked in the palm of your hand to see what you were holding. Sure enough, it was a keychain with the school’s mascot, a crane. “Oh yeah,” he said softly. “It was a graduation gift from Bambam.”

“I think I already told you but Jaebeom went there.” You smiled fondly.

“I wonder if we ever ran into each other,” Yugyeom thought aloud.

“He was two years older than us, so I doubt it.”

“I wish…” Yugyeom started, he then abruptly stopped, catching himself.

“What?”

“I wish I’d met you earlier.” Yugyeom admitted not meeting your gaze. “I wish you’d been mine first.”

Oh no. Between Bambam, Chaeyoung, and Euigyeom it was hard to miss the signs. You panicked as you realized where this conversation was headed.

“Don’t Yugyeom.” You warned him. “Please, I’m begging you, don’t say anything else.”

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I can’t keep quiet anymore. I know it’s fast, but I’m falling in love with you.” He said, turning to face you. “And I know enough to see that you like me too.”

Don’t forget me. Jaebeom’s words from your dream rang in your ears.

“I- I do like you a lot. But I can’t give you what you want Yugyeom, please try to understand.” You pleaded. “You should be with someone better than me. Someone who can give you everything you deserve. I’m just… I’m too broken to love you.”

Frustrated, Yugyeom turned to look out the window and then back at you. “You’re not broken Y/N! You’ve just closed yourself off to any possibility of love after Jaebeom. You might tell everyone that you’re happy, but I know you. You may not be alone but you’re lonely, anyone can see that. So why won’t you just let yourself be happy? Would that be so bad?”

“You don’t know anything.” You said angrily.

You left the keychain and unbuckled your seatbelt quickly, slamming the door and storming off to your apartment.

chapter seven | chapter nine

[thiswasinevitableid]

The Longest Night (Indruck)

Prompt for the 31st was : Halloween.

Thank you so much to everyone for reading and sharing these fills! I had a great time writing them. And thank you to @thats-amnesty-babe for playing in this space with me on Discord.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween doesn’t exist on Sylvain. However, as in many places, there are rituals and celebrations to mark the end of the growing season, days to remember the departed. For Sylphs, these are marked by The Longest Night, the time when malevolent, restless spirits roam free. 

Tradition dictates gathering with friends to hunker down until darn, dimming lights to keep the spirits from knowing you are home, telling scary stories to keep everyone alert against danger, and eating to keep up energy.

In practice, this means having a giant sleepover and binging on sweets. 

Tradition also suggests that, should attendees have romantic designs on each other, they can use this night to demonstrate their willingness to protect each other. 

In practice, this means inviting a crush to the celebration in hopes of cuddling up in a dark corner. 

Exiled Sylphs continued this tradition, setting on Halloween to avoid detection. And they kept all the practices, especially the romantic ones.

----------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m so excited” Indrid, perched near the fireplace, looks up from his sketch, “I have not celebrated The Longest Night properly in a century.”

“Yeah, we’ve had to keep it kinda low-key in the past because, y’know, no one knew there were a bunch of Sylphs up here.” Barclay shoos the mothman aside so he can tend the fire, “so we’re gonna do it up a little more this time. You inviting anyone?”

“No” the reply is far too fast, “I, that is, there are people I might invite as friends, but none in the more, ah, traditional sense.”

Barclay dusts off his hands, “You sure about that?”

“Yes.”

The cook nods and flicks his gaze over Indrid’s shoulder. He turns in time to see Duck walk through the lobby doors, chatting with Ned as he helps the older man navigate on still-recovering legs. 

“I don’t know what you are implying, Barclay.”

“That spending half your nights at his house, getting invited on hikes--and then going on them--with him, and the amount of doodles on that page that are his face might be a sign you’ve got a crush on a certain human.”

“I do not,'' Indrid quickly flips to a new page.

“You can’t hide it from me, Cold. I know what I’m talking about.” He teases, standing and stretching his arms, “and the reason I know just got off work, so I’m gonna go see him.”

“Yes, yes, run along and kiss your human.” Indrid waves his hand, aware of booted footfalls getting closer. 

“Hey ‘Drid.” 

“Hello, Duck. Are you staying long?” He tries, as always, to keep his eyes on the ranger’s jacket so he won’t melt into a useless puddle at the first sign of a smile. 

“Nah, promised I’d meet Juno for dinner. Speakin of which,” Duck sits down next to him, making them face to face, “you wanna get dinner or, uh, lunch on Saturday?”

Is he smiling like that because he likes the idea of taking Indrid out? Or is it due to being excited to see his friend later? Is it just because Duck smiles easily? Regardless, Indrid should probably speak rather than stare at him. 

He glances sideways, catches Barclay mouthing something to him in Sylph. 

Fine, he will do this. If it turns to a disaster, he can blame Bigfoot.  

“Actually, Duck, I was wondering if you were coming to the party on Saturday…”

----------------------

Right before Duck arrives at the Lodge around ten at night Indrid, grooming his feathers for the fifth time in an hour, runs through his plan once more. 

Step one: Choose darkest corner for movie viewing. Arrange for optimal comfort. 

Step two: Bring Duck all his favorite foods as an offering of affection. 

Step three: Date Duck.

The first two steps go off perfectly; Duck takes the seat Indrid offers him without so much as looking at the other options and takes the plate of candy, baked goods, and other snacks Indrid offers him with a grin. 

To increase his chances of a smooth flirtation, he spreads his wings, showing off the green and blue light crackling in his usually white and grey feather speckles.

The human doesn’t notice, likely due to the presence of many candles, the fire, and string lights. But halfway through the movie, Duck adjusts so the right wing drapes over his shoulder. 

Indrid, thanks to future sight, sees all the jumpscares in the movie coming. Duck only jolts on the first few, but then a well-executed one makes him jump into Indrid’s lap. 

As the post-jumpscare giggles ripple through the room, Duck looks up at him.

“Damn, you’re real comfy all mothed out.”

“Thank you” Indrid flicks his antenna, proud, and reaches for the plate, “Snicker?”

Duck opens his mouth in reply, and Indrid feeds it to him. The human angles himself back towards the T.V, shoulder and part of his back resting against Indrid’s chest. 

“Are you comfortable?” Indrid dips his head to mumuring in Duck’s ear. 

“Yep, you’re all nice and fluffy. Pick good snacks too.” 

“I was to pick your favorites.”

Duck’s smile changes to something surprised, “Oh, uh, thanks.”

Indrid purrs, low and quiet, as they focus back on the movie. He knows Duck cannot purr in answer to show his interest, but he’s on alert for any sign that indicates the same general thing.

“Aw, knew you’d be all happy and shit tonight” Duck tips his head back so he’s looking up at Indrid, “there’s enough sugar here to keep you satisfied for months.”

Summoning all his charm, Indrid runs a claw through Duck’s hair, “There is a lot of candy present, but there is only one sweet thing I need.”

Duck arches an eyebrow, “Nog?”

His charm, and nerve, crawls back into the shadows, “sure.”

“I can go check the fridge if you want. Close enough to nog season for there to be some.”

Indrid tries again, wrapping his arms cautiously around Duck’s waist, “But I do not want you to leave,  you're so warm and pleasant to hold. Like a teddy bear.”

A chuckle, fingers stroking his cheek, “Aww, the big ol' cryptid needs a teddy bear for the scary movie. That's real cute. Be right back with that nog.” He pats Indrid’s arms and the cryptid releases him, tracking him through the room until he’s out of sight. 

“I am in hell” Indrid mutters. 

“One of your own making.” Barclay, empty tray in hand, stares down at him, “usually helps to check if a human knows Sylph customs ahead of time. I get the feeling Duck’s got no idea about this one.”

“But plenty of that was flirtation by human standards! Perhaps I am truly terrible at this. Then again, maybe if I show off my wings a bit more..”

“Oh my fucking god just tell him.” Barclay clangs his forehead into the tray in frustration. 

A drawl calls out from the kitchen, “Hey ‘Drid, can you give me a hand?”

The cook shoves the tray into Indrid’s grasp, “That’s your cue.”

The kitchen is dark save for the light from the fridge as Duck reaches into it. 

“There is some nog back here. Need you to carry the glasses, since I’m grabbin’ some refills for Mama and Ned too. Kinda wish I could turn on the lights, but I don’t wanna ruin the moo--oh damn!” The last thing Indrid sees before the refrigerator shuts is Duck smiling, “your wings are lightin up. Do they always do that?” 

“No. Do you, ah, like it?”

“Yeah.” Duck steps forward, holding out the glasses so Indrid will take them, but his eyes never leave Indrid’s wings, “can you control it, like a cuttlefish?”

Indrid inches forward, still holding his hand, “They are emotion based. See?” He traces his claw tips up Duck’s wrist and glows brighter. 

“Oh.” Duck smirks up at him, “movie scarin you that bad?”

The Sylph growls in frustration, not at Duck but at himself, at the fear that rises up and chokes the truth before it reaches his tongue. 

“Wait, are you mad about something?” Duck frowns, worried. Indrid can’t stand the sight of him even a little bit upset, but the words still won’t come. So he does the next best thing, leans down to bump their foreheads together.

“‘Drid?”

“It is nothing, shall we go back to the movie?”

The human rubs their foreheads once, “Yeah.”

As they make their way back to their viewing spot, Indrid decides he will not press the matter further; he will follow Duck’s lead, keep the evening as romantic or platonic as the human desires. More than successful flirtation, more than a kiss, what he wants is to be near Duck and for Duck to be happy. 

The movies give way to a round of scary stories by the fire, Stern and Dani proving the most consistently terrifying. In spite of their talent, Indrid is not the best audience; he responds too soon, doesn’t yelp in horror at the right moments, and sometimes laughs at reactions he sees coming. The upside of this is Duck finds it hysterical, though he tries not to break the mood for everyone else, burying the laughter in the fluff of Indrid’s chest. 

Were Indrid optimistic he’d think Duck was using each bout of laughter to cuddle closer, to leave his cheek on Indrids down and his hands toying with the feathers of his wings. They opt for another round of movies, and the human grumbles when Indrid stands up to retrieve more food, nestles right back in his arms the moment he returns.

The Masque of the Red Death is not as terrible as the other films of the night, but even it cannot distract Indrid when Duck’s hands lazily card through his wings. It occurs to him, with the kind of clarity that only comes hand in hand with fear, that there is no way Duck is familiar with mothperson anatomy and his fingers are  about to hit an extremely sensitive part of his wing.

An involuntary purr buzzes out of him. Duck grins up at him, pleased, and touches the same patch of his wing again, scritching and massaging it as Indrid becomes one with the pillows, going pliable and relaxed under the human’s touch. It’s not sexual, not yet anyway, but sweet Sylvain does it feel good. 

“Indrid, for crying out loud, you’re flashing MAGENTA! Get a room already.”

He sits up, glaring at Barclay, pointing a claw at Agent Stern cuddled up in his lap and petting his fur. Duck’s gaze ping-pongs between them, gaining more understanding with each pass. He does nothing else until Barclay and Stern face the screen once more. Then he grips Indrid’s chin, forcing him to look down. 

“You after another kind of sugar, sugar?” His playful smile transforms into one of pure, wicked delight. 

“I, ah, I” this is his chance, and also the moment his mind goes blank and his wings flutter helplessly. 

Duck presses his free hand into the sensitive patch of wing, “Explain. Now.”

He had no idea Duck could sound that way, voice a little deeper and rougher than usual. It lights up long ignored corners of his mind, and he chirrs with nervous arousal, wings flashing white and pale green.

“I’m waitin.” Duck tightens his grip with both hands.

Indrid chirps, forces it to become a sentence, “The Longest Night is, is, ah, traditionally used for flirtation.”

“So that is what you've been tryin to do.” 

“You could, ah, could tell?”

“YepWHOAHfuck.” Duck faceplants into the pillows as Indrid, glasses thrown on, scrambles to his feet and sprints down the closest hallway. He feels rather like the heroine two movies ago, running in twists and turns through the darkness. 

Reaching the farthest hall from the lobby, he slumps against the wall, panting. 

“What the fuck was that?”

“AH!” He backs into the corner, Duck holding out his hands in a gesture of calm. 

“‘Drid, the Lodge ain’t that big. Kinda easy to follow you.” He places his hand lightly on Indrid’s arm, ‘I’m sorry if I came on too strong a minute ago. But will you please just tell me what's going on so I don’t fuck up again?”

“You didn’t fuck up, Duck. I did. I, at first I thought I was being obvious, assumed you knew the customs associated with tonight. Then when I realized my error, I thought I was being too subtle and should just leave it be. But if you knew this whole time then I...I assumed I had been making a fool of myself and you were not interested. Hence the embarrassed flight from the room.”

Duck’s hand slides down his arm, curling around his fingers, “What’d you think all that cuddlin you was? Orthe  pettin you?”

“I…” He pulls his hand free, wrapping his arms around himself. 

Duck lets him go, takes a step back, expression gentle but puzzled “I had a hunch you were tryin to put the moves on me, but when you didn’t up the ante I figured I was wrong. I mean, you can see the future, why not just look and see what I’d do?”

“I am not always good at reading subtext, and sometimes I require explicit confirmation of things to notice them. As for my powers I, ah, I was afraid to even look.”

“Afraid? Indrid, I saw you tied up by goatmen and you looked calm. How is askin me out scarier than that?”

“Because I have not felt this attached to someone in years! And…” he stares at the patterned carpet, “and in the first scenario, only I was hurt. If I made an error here, you might be hurt too, think I had only been kind to you for selfish reasons or manipulated you. I do not enjoy that sight, even in futures that never come to pass.” Heart creeping up his throat, he meets Duck’s eyes, “now it is my turn for a question: why did you follow me just now?”

“I was worried about you. I care about you, fluffball.”

“I am only a fluffball part of the time.”

“I know, care about you when you’re a beanpole too.” Duck touches is cheek and, as it always does, the touch makes Indrid turn into the way a sunflower turns into the light, “‘Drid, if you wanna be more than friends, all you gotta do is ask.”

“Would…” Indrid squeezes his eyes shut, “would you like to go out with me, Duck Newton?” 

A kiss the lips, lighter than moth wings. 

“Yeah, sugar, I would.”

Indrid embraces him, chirping excitedly, tries to lift the ranger and spin them around before remembering he can't do so in his human form. Then his feet are off the ground as Duck picks him up, kissing him soundly. 

“Chosen strength has its pluses.”

“Indeed.”

“You want me to put you down?”

“Not just yet.”

“So tell me, mothman of mine, what does magenta mean?”

“Ah” his skin reddens, “desire. And since you are about to ask, green is comfort and blue is affection.”

“And the white?”

“....Submission.”

Duck tosses his head back with a laugh, setting Indrid down, “shoulda used that voice on you sooner I guess.”

“Yes.” Indrid purrs, slipping his hands into Duck’s back pockets

“Plenty of time for me to bust it out later. C’mon, let’s go finish the movie.”

Returning to a chorus of “about time” form their friends, they hunker down in their same spot, Duck resting against the pillows with Indrid’s head in his lap, the Sylph purring as Duck rubs his neck and pets his hair. They make it through two more movies before people start dropping off to sleep. Indrid joins them eventually, snuggling down beneath a plaid blanket with Duck’s head on his chest and his friends snoring or chatting softly all around him. 

And the morning after the Longest Night, Indrid Cold takes his new boyfriend out for breakfast.

[backtobackbakubabe]

Stuck in the Middle with You (Part 3)

Bakugo X Reader

Words : 2280

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How? How has it already been five days? The two of you had fallen into a routine that was borderline domestic. Bakugo was an early riser so every morning you could expect to wake up to a fresh pot of coffee and some kind of breakfast. Pancakes were usually his go to. It could have been because you had a shit ton of pancake batter... or maybe he had picked up on the fact you really liked pancakes? 

After breakfast he would do some kind of workout, sometimes using your backyard to do sprints or using your lawn furniture as weights. You had to admit he was kind of... hot when he got all sweaty. You’d never let him know that though. He’d let it go straight to his head and you'd never hear the end of it, So instead of watching him workout like you wanted to , you would usually curl up on the sofa with your iPad and do todays crossword puzzle. 

Then next on the list was you binge watching criminal minds with him and you both would bet on who the killer was. You always won, which Bakugo always pretended to be mad about. He would call you a cheater because this was what you did for a living. You’d both bicker and complain but without fail you'd always end up leaning on him and he would always pull you closer. It was nice. 

Then when dinner rolled around he would do his best to teach you how to cook. That was the deal after all. He would growl under his breath every time you did something wrong but he’d never actually scold you. Instead he would patiently help you fix it. This was a whole different side to him you had never seen. To be fair you had really only spent time with him in school, and in group settings. Maybe this was normal one on one behavior for him... you’d have to ask Kiri. 

Tonight he was teaching you how to make home made sushi. He insisted it wasnt as hard as it looked but you didnt believe him. He said that about everything he had taught you so far, and so far it was all really hard. 

Cooking with Bakugo was... rather difficult. He was a great teacher and actually way more patient then you would have thought, it was just... his proximity. He was always right next to you or leaning on you, sometimes he’d take your hand and try and to guide you through the motions. As comforting as you found his presence, your brain would just shut down when he was that close to you. You’d find yourself lost in your thoughts. 

Today was no different. Right now he is right next to you showing you how to roll the rice paper and you started your usual spiral. Is he mad he’s stuck here? Does he like teaching you to cook? Wow he smells nice. Why does he sleep on your floor every night? Is it comfortable? Does his back hurt? Should you invite him to sleep in your bed? Would he think thats weird? Should you tell him to go back to the couch? Would that hurt his feeling? Wow his body heat feels great. Wait...  did he stop talking?

“OI! Earth to smalls! I swear you’re always so hyper focused when watching tv but it when it comes to cooking its like you check out completely! You’re the one who asked me to teach you how to cook.”

You blushed and gave him a quick shrug, “You're right I’m sorry. I am trying though. It’s just sometimes I get stuck in my own head.”

Bakugo softened a bit as he turned to lean on the counter and look at you, “Yeah I know. Usually I dont have a problem with it but the kitchen isn't exactly the best place for you to go all space cadet. It’s full of things that can and will cut you, burn you, and squish you....”

A vision of a first aid kit popped into your head and your lip quirked in a soft smile. You didn't mean to take peaks into Bakugo’s head but sometimes it was like his thoughts were screaming at you. Begging for you to see. It was almost like he wanted you to know that he would take care of you if you got hurt. “I’m a big girl Bakugo. If i get hurt it won't be any ones fault but mine. But I will try to focus a bit more, I promise.” 

You put your hand on his shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze, “So what’s next?”

Bakugo narrowed his eyes at you, indicating he didnt think the conversation was over. He picked up the finished plates of sushi and headed towards the kitchen table? “Now we eat and you tell me what you were thinking about.”

You blushed as you took your normal seat across from him. “Do we have to?”

Bakugo stopped mid bite, “Uh... yeah. Eating is kind of necessary to survival y/n.” 

You rolled your eyes, “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Bakugo smirked, “Well maybe I’d know you better if you actually talked to me. You were the one bitching the other day that you didnt know anything about me... come on... what had you stuck in the cramped little brain of yours a few minutes ago?”

You huffed as you threw your hands up in frustration, “Same thing as always! You! Its always you. Not in like a weird way or anything... I swear... It’s just... I dont know!”

You saw the faintest of blushes grace his cheeks before he composed himself, “What about me?” 

You took a sip of your water as you searched for the right words. “I just... I tend to over think every single aspect of my life. And right now... you’re basically the only thing in my life. I keep wondering if you’re happy here or if you’re miserable being stuck here with me. I wonder if you’re back hurts from sleeping on the floor and if I should offer to let you sleep in the bed. Then I wonder if that’s creepy. It starts as something so innocent and then it just spirals until I fall down the rabbit hole... completely lost in my own head.”

Bakugo nodded as he took another bite of his sushi, “Sounds exhausting... Why not just ask me instead, and save yourself the trouble?”

You eyes widened, “What do you mean?”

It was his turn to roll his eyes at you, “I mean idiot.. instead of getting tangled up in wondering about me and my feeling just fucking ask... No. I am not miserable, I actually find your company to be pleasant. No my back doesn't hurt from sleeping on your floor but I can't say the same for my shoulder. No it wouldn't be creepy to ask if I wanted to sleep in your bed... honestly I think that's very sweet of you and as long as you were comfortable I may even take you up on it... There yeah see... problem solved.... anything else I can clear up for you?”

It was like this weird buzzing in your head that you hadn't even noticed was there had finally stopped. Was it really that easy. “Yeah actually... would you mind if I joined you during your workouts sometime? I’m not in as good as shape as I used yo be... but..”

“But nothing... of course you’re welcome to join. I won't go easy on you though. Never have and I won't start now!”

You bit back a smile as you mind wandered back to the all the times at UA you stood across from him during training. He scared the absolute shit out of you then. His intensity had really done a number on your anxiety. But honestly whether he knew it or not it had also helped you prepare for the real world. “I wouldn't expect it any other way believe me.” 

After diner you both got ready for bed and instead of watching tv in the living room you had decided to just go ahead and get in bed. You had expected him to stay up a little later but to your surprise he walked in a few minutes after and stood at the end of your bed, “So what's the deal? Am I sleeping on the floor or what?” 

You gestured to the empty side of the bed, “That side’s all yours. I’m sorry in advance if I accidentally hit you. It hasn't happened in a while, but I’ve been known to thrash around when I’m having intense dreams.”

He smirked, “As if it would even hurt. I’ll be fine. It’s your bed anyways, thrash around all you want.” 

You pulled out your iPad and started on a new crossword puzzle. 

Bakugo crawled in to bed next to you and took a peak over your shoulder. “May I ask what is with you and crossword puzzles?”

You shrugged, “They’re fun. They keep your brain sharp. They’re relaxing. And sometimes they are excellent distractions. I love all puzzles though. Not just crosswords. I love anything that makes me think. I mean look at my job. Sometimes I feel like I’m just playing a game of clue.” 

He scooted a bit closer and after a few minutes of silence he reached over to point at one of the clues, “ Nitroglycerin... thats the answer.”

You smiled, “I’d say I’m surprised but if you know about anything it’s about what blows up.”

He held a crackling hand close enough for you to see but far enough to not be dangerous, “Well I sweat the stuff, so of course I’d know about it but I’ll have you know I’m fucking smart. I’m not just a hot piece of ass. I got better grades than fucking Deku half the time. What app is that... I’ll show you.”

You giggled as you helped him download the puzzle page app on his phone and he immediately started to try and complete puzzles faster than you. You could hear him cursing under his breath when he would get stuck and once you caught him trying to take a peak at your screen. 

“Katsuki! I know you are competitive but I never would have believed you to be a cheater!” You hid your screen from his view as your eyes connected with his slightly embarrassed look. 

“I’m not a cheater! It’s not cheating! It’s just... reconnaissance...You had information I needed and I simply observed to gain that information...”

You swatted at him, “Oh you are so busted!”

He laughed “Shit calm down woman! You said it yourself! You fucking solve puzzles for a living! I needed all the help I could get!”

You sat up straight, “What happened to ‘I’m fucking smart. I’m not just a hot piece of ass’?”

He sat up too inserting himself into your personal space, “I am fucking smart! You’re just...” His voice dropped to an almost inaudible whisper, “fucking smarter.”

You were now on your knees jumping up and down, “Oh my fucking god! Did Bakugo Katsuki really just admit that someone was better than him at something?”  

He hid his face while you jumped up and down in celebration but when he looked at you he looked happy, “Yeah yeah, whatever smalls. You win this time but there’s always tomorrow.” 

You got back in you spot and grabbed the remote to turn on the tv, “I’ll probably beat you tomorrow too. But dont worry Katsuki... at least you’re still be a hot piece of ass..” 

He gave you a light shove as you picked something to watch. It didnt take long for you to drift off. In fact you had fallen asleep much faster than you usually did. And for once your dreams where pretty tame. No bad memories haunting you, no anxieties dragging you down. Instead you dreamed about the UA sports festival, and this time you won instead of Bakugo.

When you woke up you felt a pressure on your back as well as a vice like grip around your hip. You didnt know what was more surprising, the fact you woke up before Bakugo, or that he was currently spooning you. 

You cleared your throat and wiggled a bit to try and wake him up but he just groaned, “Uhhh y/n could you not wiggle your ass when I’m right behind you.”

You scoffed, “I wouldn’t have to if you were on your side of the bed.”

He squeezed you tighter, “I wouldn't be on your side of the bed if I hadn’t had to physically restrain you so you’d stop hitting me last night...”

You blushed, “I’m sorry... I did try and warn you...”

His eyes still closed, obviously still tired, “It’s cool, you calmed down as soon as I held you.”

You put your hand over his that was still wrapped around your waist, “Well I’m awake now Bakugo and I promise I won't hit you. You can let go.”

He just nuzzled further into your back, “Well I’m still tired and I don’t want to. You’re the perfect size for a teddy bear smalls.”

You tried not to, but you snorted, “Ground Zero needs a teddy bear to sleep?”

He froze before he shoved you almost off the bed, “Shut up smalls... I’m gonna go make coffee.... and lots of it.” 

You watched the muscles in his back as he walked across the room in nothing but a pair of shorts... fuck... you were in over your head. 

[d0gdaze]

read on ao3

wc: 2120 warnings: mild crude language

__________________________________________________

Richie listens to Eddie ramble on about personal protective equipment, stringing his words together with such urgency that they're constantly clashing and stammering to the point of it being nearly nonsensical, and wonders boldly if he's ever going to get tired of hearing it.

It's mid afternoon and they're all down in the barrens, having escaped the worst of the day's heat by taking refuge playing board games at Richie's house, air-con blasting, – Maggie had made up frozen watermelon slices for them and they'd gorged themselves. Now, still all sticky from where the juice ran down their chins and their hands, they're making up for the lost hours by attentively scouring the thick brush near where the barrens border the city landfill, looking for anything remotely interesting. Most of it's just random junk, but occasionally they'll find new furniture for the clubhouse, or dead electronics that they can take apart, or broken televisions with intact fibreglass screens they can sling rocks at and shatter. Sometimes they'll hit a goldmine and find a tangled but otherwise functional yo-yo or cassette tapes that still work when they run back home to try them out. It's not really about the finds, though. It's just, plainly put, something to do.

Beverly's knee deep in shrubbery, kicking at a doorless microwave to see if she can dislodge something, and Mike and Bill are flipping through an old playboy magazine thats pages have gone wavy from water damage, and the cover is so sun-bleached that it's nearly completely white. Stan stayed back at the edge of the clearing when the rest of them moved further into the brush, concerned about bugs and poison ivy and blackberry bushes and content to do his searching in the shallow parts. Ben's the furthest in, and as far as Richie can tell he's not doing much other than looking out over the dump and probably dozing off on the fallen log he's sat upon. Richie himself is squatting down, using a long stick to poke through the contents of a garbage bag he's ripped open. It's just household trash, and it smells rather bad, but it's a way to keep his hands moving while he zones out. And Eddie's managed to get himself up onto a low fork in a tree, sitting with his back up against the trunk and legs hanging on either side of the thick branch, idly kicking at the air as he rants about why what they're doing is dangerous and the precautionary measures they should be taking, but without actually suggesting they stop doing it, or making any attempts to leave.

The air is filled with that kind of quiet, static warmth that leaves you pleasantly tired all the way through your body, – the kind that makes your shoulders slump and your gate slow, and the minutes seem to stretch on for hours for the seven of them. It's one of those days where nothing much happens, one that won't ever be memorable or out of the ordinary in any way, where they'll go home sleepy and satisfied, and when their parents ask what they did all day – those of them whose parents care enough to ask – they can say 'nothing' and mean it. And that's just fine by them. They'd all take an uneventful, boring day like this over some of the days they'd faced before – the ones that left scars and gaps and nightmares, the memories of which seem to fade with each passing week and it's all fuzzy and disjointed and – no, today is good. That's all that matters.

Richie feels something small bounce off the space between his shoulder blades and looks up, only for something else to hit him right in the middle of the forehead as Eddie looks down at him, very obviously trying not to grin so the corners of his mouth twitch, and when they lock eyes he bites his lip and throws another piece of tree bark. This one taps Richie's cheek and falls to the ground in front of him, and Eddie snickers like it's the funniest thing he's seen all day.

“You're gonna get splinters if you keep that up, dipshit,” he says, smirking as panic flashes across Eddie's face, though it quickly dissipates into a scowl, and he continues flicking pieces at him, more rapidly now.

“Asshole. Why the fuck would you say that?” he spits, and Richie has to hold his arms up to shield himself from the onslaught. “You're the one who's gonna get fucking splinters.”

Richie stands, picking up his stick and turning his back to the tree. He manages to hook the end of it on a particularly gross looking wad of paper towel from the pile of trash, and when he turns back around and makes a jabbing motion towards Eddie, the other boy screeches indignantly and falls off the branch. He lands with a thud on the ground and immediately scrambles to his feet. Richie lunges at him again, cackling, as Eddie starts spewing insults and hollering disgust. He picks up an empty tin can and throws it, landing somewhere a couple feet to Richie's left.

Something about it leaves Richie with a vague feeling of deja vu, but that happens so often these days that he doesn't think much of it.

Eddie backs his way out to the clearing, creating whatever distance he can by throwing whatever his hands come across, though he hardly lands any hits, and Richie taunts him the whole way up, never intending to do more than tease, never planning on causing actual harm.

(Eddie knows this, of course.)

Stan starts to lecture him too, though far more calmly, more comprehensible. Tells him not to be disgusting, tells them both to shut up and knock it off. He's smiling though, Richie can tell, even when he tries to hide it.

Here's to nothing ever changing, he thinks.

Later, when the sun isn't bearing down as heavily and a relieving breeze starts to flow in from the east, they find themselves traversing away from the shady greenery of the barrens towards the open bank along the Kenduskeag, where the water is fast-moving but shallow enough that Bill doesn't roll his jean shorts up even though they fall down a little past his knees. He's right out in the middle of the stream, eyes trained steadily downwards as he takes slow, calculated steps, looking out for crawfish tails peeking out from under the rocks. Eddie's next to him, mirroring his actions though seemingly less focused, as he keeps letting his gaze drift over to the others. Stan's about fifty feet upstream, talking to Mike and occasionally gesturing animatedly at the tree line. Mike laughs heartedly at something he says, and the sound floats drifts all the way across to where Richie is busy pulling out clumps of grass and flinging them into the water, and Ben is sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, his attention fixed on Beverly, whose found a flat-topped rock that's big enough for her to lay down on, albeit with her legs hanging off the edge. She's on her back, her hair splayed out over the stone, which fully exposes the fading bruise that starts in the outer corner of her eye and curves in patches down the side of her face.

He lets out a deep sigh and buries his face in his arms.

“Careful Benjamin,” Richie says, reaching over and sprinkling blades of grass onto his hair, “you're being obvious again.”

Ben blushes, slaps his hand away and tries to shake the grass off. The action gets rid of some of it, falling back onto the ground or his shoulders, but there's still bits of green sticking out here and there. Richie grins, and shuffles closer so his knee knocks against Ben's shin.

“I keep tellin' you to just go talk to her,” he continues,  “save us all from this will-they-won't-they crap.”

“I talk to her all the time,” Ben replies in a way that fails to acknowledge the point, and Richie repays it with another fistful of freshly pulled grass. He shakes it off again, sputtering as some of the pieces fall into his face.

“Ah, you know what I mean,” Richie wipes his hands off on his pants and leans back on his elbows,  looks back across to where Bill and Eddie seem to have recruited Stan and Mike, and Mike's got a stick that he's using to pry the rocks up so that Bill can look underneath. Stan and Eddie are talking over each other, and a little too far away that he can't quite make out what they're saying. Eddie starts laughing at something Stan says, and Richie laughs too, though under his breath and without really meaning to. Ben looks at Richie, then over to the others, and back again.

“I just think, Haystack,” Richie continues, hesitantly tearing his gaze away to meet his, “that if you really like someone, you should sack up and tell 'em. No point brooding over it forever.”

“I think you shouldn't say things like brooding and sack up in the same breath.”

“What can I say, I'm an intellectual.”

“You're a hypocrite is what you are,” Ben says, and Richie scoffs, “what, you're saying you ain't ever liked someone and just kept it to yourself?”

“I never liked anyone, period,” Richie says defensively, sitting up again and resting his chin in his hands, “'cept maybe Eddie's mom.”

Ben sighs softly. Richie instinctively looks towards Eddie again, but his attention is all Bill's at the moment, who's actually managed to find one of the mudbugs and is holding it tentatively just above the water as the other three crowd around him. Stan's talking in that quick, steady way that Richie knows to mean what he's saying is somewhat informational, and Mike appears to be petting the damn thing as it sits in Bill's hands.

“Bull,” Ben laughs, just a beat too late for it to flow properly with the rest of the conversation. Richie frowns at him.

“Whaddaya mean, bull? It's the truth,” Richie insists, but Ben just looks at him, exasperated. “Or, fine. Whatever. Maybe I like one person but,” he starts picking at the grass with one hand, continuing to hold up his head with the other, his elbow digging into his knee, “it's different.”

“How's it different?”

“I don't know,” he groans, “it just is.”

“Who-,” Ben starts, but is cut off by Eddie as he calls out to them from across the way.

“Richie!” he yells excitedly, “Ben, guys, come get a load o' this thing Bill found!”

Richie can hear Bill telling him to turn down the volume, sees Eddie poke his tongue out at him then continue waving over to them with a sense of urgency, as if anything could be so urgent these days.

Richie sticks his hand up in acknowledgement, flings one last bunch of grass into Ben's lap and heaves himself up onto his feet in one clumsy movement. He starts to jog over to the group, until they're all flinging their arms at him and telling him to slow down, to stop kicking up so much water, until Eddie's voice has gone up an octave as he begins another tangent and Richie brings his leg back as if he's going to send a tidal wave flying at the lot of them, but doesn't follow through with movement.

Ben watches, for a moment, the way Eddie gravitates to Richie even while scolding him, sees how Richie almost subconsciously reaches out to touch him, pulls him closer like he's practiced it a million times before.

(He has, of course.)

If Ben realises something, he won't say it. He's hit with the feeling that maybe Richie hasn't yet, not fully at least.

Beverly, roused by the calamity, leaves her perch and joins them, not before pulling Ben to his feet with a smile playing at her lips. Her hair, though slightly dishevelled, has fallen back to it's natural frame around her face, obscuring the bruise once again. There's a slight pink tinge left over from last week's sunburn, overshadowed by the freckles that are more vibrant than ever now. Even from the small, modest contact of her hands on his, he can feel the sun radiating off her skin, and already knows he would bask in it forever if she'd let him.

By the time they reach the rest of them, Bill's already let the crawfish back into the water. It scurries back under the rock where they found it.

It's doesn't matter too much, though. It's summer, and they're kids, and days like this are countless.

tag list:

@reddie-to-go​ @reddietofall​ @thecastlebyers​

[yourbrotherzulu]

Beginningless

Time is such an odd thing. Everyone is in such a rush. Trying to get this, trying to become that. Missing what they have and what they already are.

Life could be beautiful. Full of appreciation and gratitude for the beauty all around. But instead: more of this pleasurable thing, less of that unpleasant thing. And what’s inside is decaying instead of thriving.

A few years ago, I said fuck this and fuck that, left my home and my job, put my last bucks together, gave my balls a last scratch and started to travel without a plan. Just a ticket to India, and that was it.

And then another ticket. And another one. And God knows where the money came frome (and I mean that literally). And now I am hanging out inna hamock in the peruvian jungle with my best friend, a black fluffy monkey and try to put something in words, that is actually beyond words. But since I deal in words, I should be able to throw a bunch of them together, spice them a little bit and hopefully they give a good flavour and make a little sense.

What is there to describe?

Something that is magical and yet the realest reality there is.

Something that is everywhere and yet no one finds it.

Something that is so close and yet no one sees it.

Something that is there in abundance and yet no one takes it.

Something that is everything and yet in its core is pure nothingness.

The one selfless Self.

Somethin’ like that.

God, someone said to me once, is just a word. And in a way I agree, I would even go so far to say its a cursed word. It’s not a word like Om, where everyone feels spiritual like a smoking stick of incense after three times chanting it. It’s a word that wakes up so much associations in peoples mind, so dependent on their upbringing. It’s a word that I almost don’t dare to speak out loud but yet it’s the only word that really matters. And most of it is beyond matter anyway.

Consciousness. Everybody has it. But just a few investigate it. And even fewer investigate it within themselves. I mean who the fuck has time for this anyway, right? Although the real question is: who the fuck takes time for it? You see, if you are fortunate enough to one day stumble upon the idea that you and everyone around you is as eternal as eternity can be, here since beginningless time and here for a long, long while longer, then you might think it’s a good idea to take a moment to find out who you really are. And then you take the luxury of another moment, and then another one and after a few more you’ll find that the moment has become eternal. A vibrant flow of stillness, running through the center of your own being: Life.

The Self. There is a Self, there is no Self, there is a Self, there is no Self. We gonna discuss this in more detail later, since this divine paradox is actually the very foundation of creation. There are a few more of these divine paradox (es? a? oxeses? who gives a shitses?) and the integation of those always brings revelation...

What is this, that you call yourself? The images that you hold dear? Aren’t they changing like the seasons? The thoughts that are running through your head? Aren’t they as transient as clouds in the sky? Your body, that is so close to you? Isn’t it changing, growing and decaying over time, constantly creating and devouring it’s own cells? So where is the Self, that you call “I”? Is it the one who asks these questions? Or is it the one that can observe the one who asks the questions?

Maybe the monkey knows. He looks like he knows. His face looks calm and wise and his hands are tiny and soft and its finger approaching the holes of my nose.

and prngejekjessing on the kefeyboard.

Thanks monkey. you just ruined the page! That’s it! No more bananas for you lil’ fucker!

God, Consciousness and the Self. That sounds like a humble thread.

Reality is a funny thing, isn’t it? Every night you create whole worlds, with it’s own physics and a plethora of characters in your imagination. What if I told you, that this whole thing you experience in a waking state is not much different? A little bit though, since were all dreaming it up together, co-creating our world. You see, the word “Buddha” means literally “someone who has woken up”.

And it’s not as if there are not already volumes over volumes about this stuff. Waking up. Liberating oneself. Reaching enlightenment. Scratching balls. Songs over song and scriptures over scriptures. Philosophers, Poets, Saints, Mystics, Scientists, they all wrote about it.

But I am not a saint, nor a philospher, neither a scientist, and a poet only when I take a dump on the first, bright morning of spring.

I was a criminal. And a total failure, a depressed, angry piece of shit, spreading misery. I was alone. I had nothing. Well I had a lot of misery...

And now... Happy, every day, free and fresh. And my relations are awesome. To my family, my friends, even to those who have once been my enemies. To myself, who sometimes has been an even bigger enemy to me then everyone else. And to my God, who probably has been my biggest enemy of them all, back then, when I was still full of fear. My God, who is now not only my best friend (bestest), but also my father, my mother, my master, my lover, my home, my goal, my road, who I learn to see in every situation and in every being I encounter.

Life has turned into the most magical thing.

And I have become a child. And I guess that’s why they finally opened the gates.

Know thyself, they say, and you’ll know all the wonders of the universe.

Unless you become like children, they say, the gates of heavens will remained closed.

It’s because you are it. The universe. The wonders. The Self. The only one being that is actually there. And you are the child of it. The father and the son, or daughter... you are it.

And I believe, since everyone is so fucked up these days and tryin‘ to find themselves, maybe I could help a little. Or entertain someone. Or at least kill some time and write somethin‘ that no one will ever read.

But I feel I have a few stories to share.

But I dont know yet in what way.

I want it to be honest and fantastical at the same time.

It should be both smooth and classy and raw and uncensored.

I wanted it to be fuckin' noble

like a Buddha statue

behind a line of cocain

I want it to be serious and dark and funny and light

every text should be a poem, an essay a report, an adventure, an inspiration, and yet remaining empty and somehow vague for each reader to make it their own.

I want it to be always about God and never mention that cursed word even once. (well I guess, that goal is already missed.)

I wanna say thank you. To everyone I ever met. To every hardship and every joyride. To God who has always been there, especially in the Dark Nights.

I want to write about them, those Dark Nights of the Soul and guide you until you see the morning light again.

I want it to be full with hard and red cocks and wet, dripping pussies, obscene and perverted and then again just write pages over pages about how I try not to masturbate (many pages about not masturbating).

I want it to be spiritual, ancient and yet fresh and fly, timeless and yet contemporary, profound and yet funny. Like consciousness itself. Like waking up on a spring day. Next to a beautiful, naked woman who is still sleeping and drooling, while you’re making fresh orange juice and getting some croissants for her. Yeah, like that.

I want it to be about Jesus and Buddha and Bob Marley, but in a cool way. Like really cool. Because these dudes were cool, thats for sure.

And they certainly didn’t want to be forcefed to people by them hippocrates. They just wanted to share the treasure they found. Because they knew this treasure waits in every human heart to be discovered. They never intended to be forced upon anyone. Quite the opposite.

I don’t want to have an introduction... wait a minute...

It should be a trip. Just a trip.

I always hated writing about myself but whenever I wrote about anything else, people asked to please keep on writing about myself and share my thoughts and feelings. So I guess, that’s what I am gonna write about.

Me. Because at the end. You are just another me. And I am just another you. But the God inside is always the same.

Maybe I just want to share something.

How to be happy, I guess.

And a little bit of poetry.

Maybe I do know what I want to write about.

Maybe tomorrow I start again from the beginning. Who knows?

But just when I stopped scratching my monkeys head and finally found some words

 ...

The Universe changed the damn script.

And time started and killed my sweet timelessness.

...

[sincerely-us-imagines]

It’s all about the money, honey (pt 2) (connor murphy x reader)

alternatively titled “it’s not about the money, honey”

Part 1 is here

I got a lot of good feedback on part 1 so thank you so so so much for that!!

It’s almost 1 am and I have to be up in like 6 hours and there is no way in hell im proofing this tonight lmao

also this is seriously 10 pages long i’m soRRY ITS A LOT

warnings: swearing, a teeny tiny bit of angst, asshole cousins i think thats it? also i tossed in some of my personal hc’s for evan oops

“So does this mean you’re done prostituting yourself out to Murphy?” Jared asked after you told him what went down Friday night.

Evan shot Jared a disproving look.

“I’m not a prostitute, Jared. I was just--”

“Getting paid for the “girlfriend experience” by someone who can’t get laid?” he popped a baby carrot into his mouth. Evan and Jared were the only two who actually knew what was going on between you and Connor. And sometimes you regretted telling the latter. Like right now, for instance.

“I never slept with him, Jared. I never even kissed him. The most I ever did was like, hold his hand.”

“Somehow that’s even more pathetic on his behalf.”

“So what are you going to do now?” Evan asked, ignoring Jared completely.

“I don’t know. He’ll probably make up a story to tell his parents why we broke up.” you tried to sound nonchalant about the entire thing. You barely tolerated each other away from his family, so why did this feel like the end of an actual relationship?

“Uh oh,” Evan said, eyes locked behind you.

“Well speak of the goddamn devil.” Jared laughed.

You turned around to see Connor approaching you from behind. He looked horrible. There were deep purple circles under his eyes and his hair was a frizzy unwashed mess. You pushed down any feeling of pity you had for him as he walked up to you.

“I need to talk to you.” he said.

“Just tell them we broke up. It doesn’t need to be a discussion.”

Evan shifted uncomfortably across from you while Jared watched on, clearly amused.

“I don’t want to-- just. Please, can we talk?”

You sighed and gestured to the seat beside you.

“Fine.”

Connor eyed your friends.

“Away from them?”

You rolled your eyes but picked up your bag nonetheless.

“I’ll see you guys in econ.” you told them, giving a small wave before following Connor to an empty lunch table in the back corner of the cafeteria.

“Look, Y/n, I’m really sorry. You were just trying to play along and do what you thought would be best. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“It’s fine.” you shrugged it off as if it were nothing. As if you totally hadn’t cried yourself to sleep Friday night after you got home, or spent all of Saturday at Evan’s place ranting about it.

“It isn’t. I was an asshole and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Yeah, you really were.” you agreed. His jaw clenched and he took a deep breath. It brought you a small sense of satisfaction to know you got on his nerves.

“If you’re still willing, I want us to keep… doing this,” he gestured between the two of you and took a deep breath, as if what he would say next was going to hurt him.

“And for you to come with me to my cousin’s wedding.”

You blinked at him, a bit taken aback.

“You… You actually want me to go? You can just tell your family I’m busy that day or something.”

“No, I, uh,” he sighed, “I want you to go. I don’t want to be alone with my family.” He looked down and began to pick at his chipped nail polish. “Things, um, they aren’t as bad when you’re there.”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

“Aww Connie,” you cooed and poked his cheek, “do you like having me around?”

He flushed pink and swatted your hand away.

“No! You just… don’t always totally suck to be around.”

You put a hand over your chest in an exaggerated manner.

“Oh Con, that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me!”

“Oh shut the fuck up,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes at you, “And don’t call me ‘Con’.”

“If you say so, Lawrence.” you shrugged, smirking.

He only ignored you.

“So we’re cool?” He asked, glancing over at you.

“We are.”

“Okay so the wedding is the 1st of next month. It starts at 3 but it’s like an hour away so i’ll be there at around 12:30 so we’ll have time to get gas and maybe stop and get a drink for the road and still get there a little early.”

“Got it.” You nodded, punching the information into your phone’s calendar.

“Cool.” He stood up to leave but stopped. “Also, uh, do you maybe wanna come over for dinner thursday? My mom said she’ll make that casserole thing you like.”

“They asked me back already?” you were kind of surprised. It was usually every other week you came over.

Connor was quiet for a few seconds while he adjusted the strap on his messenger bag.

“Uh, yeah. They did.” he wasn’t looking at you. “I’ll see you in science, yeah?”

“Of course.” you answered, a little confused by his behavior.

He mumbled a goodbye and headed off, leaving you wondering what the hell was going on with him.

The last couple weeks of the month flew by and the 1st came up sooner than you’d expected. You were ready at 12, having had Evan come over to help you with your hair. He was actually really good at, which was surprising with how bad his hands shake. He said he learned to braid in boy scouts when he was little and used to do his mom’s hair all the time when he was younger. You’d have to ask him is he would do your hair for prom, too.

You wondered if Connor would ask you to prom. Just to appease his parents, of course. It would only make sense for a boyfriend-- a fake boyfriend- to ask his fake girlfriend to their senior prom. It’s all fake, Y/n. you remind yourself. He doesn’t actually care about you like that.

You shook the thoughts from your head and straightened out your outfit, a pretty swing dress with a  lace overlay. Connor pulled up at 12:15 and just kind of… sat in the driveway. After watching him from your bedroom window for a couple minutes you went downstairs to say goodbye to your mother (who was quite excited for you to be going on a “date”. And kept giving you that knowing Mom Look) and headed outside towards Connor’s car.

You approached the door and looked inside to see him sitting there, scrolling through his phone. You knocked on the window and he jumped, looking over at the window with wide eyes. He unlocked the door and you climbed in, laughing at him.

“Why were you just sitting in the driveway?” you asked, pulling on your seatbelt

“I was early and I didn’t want to bother you, so I was just going to wait until 12:30 to text you.”

“Since when do you care about bothering me? That’s, like, all you do.” You looked over at Connor to find his eyes fixed on you. You shifted uncomfortably and adjusted your dress.

“Uh, Connor? Is something wrong?”

“Yeah.” You tilted your head in confusion at him. “I mean- no. No, nothing’s wrong.”

He turned back to face forward and put the car in reverse, backing out of your driveway,

“Okay… Well, um, you look really nice.” you told him. And it was the truth. He had his long curls pulled back into a bun, wearing black dress pants and oxfords with a maroon suit jacket over a pink shirt with a tasteful floral print tie. It was a very classic look, but with a fun twist. And it looked great on him.

“Zoe said I look like a bellhop.” he grumbled. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“You don’t.” you assured him, “You look really, really handsome, Connor.”

The tips of his ears turned pink at your compliment.

“Thanks. You look okay too, I guess.” he said in a teasing tone.

“Asshole!” you laughed, hitting him lightly on the arm.

“I’m kidding, Christ!” he laughed too. “Really though, you look great.”

“Thank you, Connor.” you smiled and rolled your eyes, trying to fight the heat rising in your cheeks.

Connor pulled into the 7-Eleven down the street from your house, parking beside a pump and turning the car off.

“You want anything?” he asked as he opened the door.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Nothing?”

“No, Connor. Thank you though.”

He shrugged and shut the door and you waited until he was in the building before pulling out your phone and snapping a picture of yourself, sending it to the group chat with Jared and Evan.

Jare-Bear: damn. hot mama.

Ev: you look great!

Ev: you sprayed your hair again before you left right?

You: yes, ev

You: thank you

Jare-Bear: evan ur gay

Ev: only half

Ev: ish

Jare-Bear: whats connor wearing

Jare-Bear: a trenchcoat and bandolier?

Ev: jared, thats not funny

You: can you not be an asshole for like 2 minutes?

You: he looks really good, actually

Ev: think you can get a picture with him?

Jare-Bear: why? So u can have material to jack off to both murphy siblings

Ev: shut the hell up

You glanced up from your phone to see Connor walking back towards the car with a plastic bag.

You: gtg

You: message you guys later <3

Ev: okay have fun!

Jare-Bare: use condoms

You stuff your phone in your purse and watch Connor leans against the car as he pumps the gas. He tugs the little curls at the nape of his neck, the ones that wouldn’t fit into the bun, twisting them around his finger and letting them spring free. A nervous habit, you assume. A replacement for his usual compulsion of running his hand through his hair, probably. Why do you know that? That’s so weird that you like, consciously recognize that. What the hell--

The nozzle clicks and you quickly turn to look straight ahead, pretending like you hadn’t just been analyzing his behavior.

He opened the door and folded himself into the driver’s seat, starting up the car. Once getting situated, he opened the center console and pulled out a bottle of hand sanitizer, squirting a few pumps into his hands and rubbing them together.

“What?” he asked when he realized you were looking at him.

“Nothing.”

“Do you have any idea how dirty gas pumps are?”

“I don’t suppose I do.”

“Well, they’re fucking filthy.”

“I believe you.” you couldn’t help the amused grin spreading across your face.

“Then what’s so goddamn funny?” he was pretending to be angry, but you could tell he was fighting back a smile.

“You’re just so…” Please don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it, y/n.

“I’m so…?”

Cute. You’re fucking cute, Connor, okay? Everything you’ve done today has been unbearably adorable and I can’t stand it.

“We should go.” you say instead, glancing at the clock on the dashboard.

He eyed you suspiciously but didn’t say anything.

“Okay, but first,” he dug around in the plastic bag and handed you a bottle of water and a pack of M&M’s. You looked down at them and then back up at him.

“I know you said you didn’t want anything but I thought since it’s kind of a long drive you might… y’know, change your mind or something.” his voice suddenly changed from it’s half bashful tone to something a little stronger, but still light. “And I’m not about to pull over for you to go get a snack or some shit. So really it’s in my best interest, y’know. Just so I don’t have to hear you whine.”

“Sure.” you smile, taking a sip of water

“Whatever.” there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips as he pulls out onto the road.

“Thank you, Connor. Really.”

Connor turns on the radio in favor of answering you.

Connor pulls into the parking lot of a rather large synagogue roughly an hour later. He finds a parking spot near his parents’ SUV.

“Holy shit,” you say, getting out of the car and admiring the architecture of the building. Connor snorted as he rounded the car to come get you.

“Oh, oops.” you covered your mouth, realizing what you’d just said.

“You are such a dork.” Connor smiled, holding his arm out for you to take.

“Shut up.” you laughed, nudging him.

Inside the synagogue you met up with Cynthia, Larry, Zoe, and their grandmother, who greeted you both with a big hug and kiss. and found your seats. You talked easily to Connor and Zoe until more people began filing in, filling up the pews. The ceremony was simple yet beautiful, and the bride’s dress was utterly breathtaking. You didn’t know them, sure, but you did tear up a bit (which made Connor smirk and poke you in the side).

After the ceremony and before the reception, Connor, after being instructed to by his parents, bashfully introduced you to some of his other family, all of whom commented on either how well Connor did or how beautiful you were. Except for one cousin.

He seemed to be a few years younger than you, maybe 15 or so. Connor immediately tensed when he saw him approach. He looked over towards his parents, almost like a scared kid would, but they were too wrapped up in a conversation with some third time removed somebody to even notice.

“Hey, hey! Larry Junior! How’s it going?” the kid said, clapping a hand over Connor’s shoulder.

“Don’t call me that.” Connor said, glaring at him, and taking a step back to escape his cousin’s grasp.

The kid put his hands up in mock-surrender.

“No need for aggression, buddy. Don’t need a repeat of your 6th grade summer, do we?”

You glanced up at Connor in confusion.

“Oh he didn’t tell you?” the kid continued, “He had to go to, what was it called, Connor?”

“You need to shut up. Now.” Connor growled.

Connor was at least a head taller than this kid, and one of the most intimidating people you’d ever met. Why wasn’t he scared?

“Oh yeah!” the kid snapped, “”Behavioral Correction Camp”! He didn’t tell you that, did he?”

You stayed quiet, chewing on the inside of your mouth anxiously.

“Anyway,” he continued after getting no response for you, “how long have you been dating this charming cousin of mine?”

“Three and a half months.” you said, grabbing Connor’s hand protectively.

“And what exactly are you doing with him?”

“What?”

“Why are you with him? We thought Connor would never get a girlfriend. He was such a problem child, freaked out over every little thing, threw tantrums.” the kid laughed a little, “Hell, the reason he had to go to Batshit Crazy Camp was because he beat the shit out of me when we were younger, isn’t that right?”

Connor was absolutely fuming. You could feel his hand shaking in yours. His jaw was clenched so tight it was a wonder his teeth didn’t just shatter. He was using a lot of self control right now, that much was evident.

“You wanna know why I’m with him?” you asked, squeezing Connor’s hand tighter, “Not that I owe you any kind of answer. I’m with him because he’s sweet and thoughtful. He cares about me and my feelings and my wellbeing. He’s got a great sense of humor and he gets me. He makes me feel like no one else can. He can be gentle despite everything he’s been through, despite what people like you say to him, and he admits when he’s wrong and he’s trying. He tries so hard to be a good person. And he is a good person. And that’s a lot more than I can say about you.” You didn’t realize you were crying until you finished talking. You wiped your eyes on the back of your free hand before tugging him towards the big wooden doors out to the parking lot.

“The reception is in half an hour, you two! We’ll meet you there!” you hear Cynthia shout cheerfully as you leave the building.

You walked to the car, not letting go of Connor’s hand until it was absolutely necessary.

Once inside, you pulled down the visor and looked in the mirror, wiping at your eyes with a napkin from your purse, doing your best not to smear your makeup. You took a swallow of water from the bottle he bought you earlier before taking a calming breath.

“I’m sorry.” you told him, shaking your head. “I-I didn’t mean to--”

“Y/n, shh. He grabbed your hand and laced his fingers through yours. “Thank you. For saying all that. You didn’t have to do that.”

“What was I supposed to do? Just stand there and let him insult you? Connor, you’re my--” you cut yourself off. He wasn’t your boyfriend. He wasn’t really your friend, either. That doesn’t mean what you said wasn’t true, though. “I care about you.” you finished, looking out the window.

“I care about you too.”

“Shut up.” you smiled, not looking at him.

“Wanna head towards the hotel for the reception?” Connor asked, removing his hand from yours. You nodded and he put the car in gear.

You pulled out your phone and opened your group chat.

You: shit you guys

You: this is bad

Ev: ????

Jare-Bear: did he hurt you

You: no

You: i think i like him

Ev: really?

Ev: like, LIKE like?

Jare-Bear: gay

Ev: hey jared?

Jare-Bear: ya

Ev: shut up

Ev: for once in your life

You: yeah

You: i think so

Jare-Bear: i thought you had better taste than that

You: shut up

Ev: shut up

Ev: just be happy for her

Ev: unless youre about to like

Ev: profess your undying love for her

Ev: then its really not your business

You: thank you ev <3

Jare-Bear: i think shes just in denial u know

Jare-Bear: using murphy as a distraction from her lifelong crush on me

Jare-Bear: its okay u can tell me

You: lmao

Jare-Bear: rude

You: thats me

You put your phone on silent so it wouldn’t constantly buzz with Jared and Evan’s inevitable bickering.

“You want something to drink?” Connor shouted over the music. The reception turned out to be one hell of a party. There was tons of food and drinks, flashing lights and balloons and streamers and a massive dance floor, and it was loud. Really loud. It was kind of like prom, but with a lot of old people.

You nodded and gave him a thumbs up in confirmation. He got up and wandered off towards the far wall where the refreshments were.

You made small talk with Zoe until he came back.

He handed you a clear plastic cup full of what you assumed to be sparkling cider, and clinked his own against it in a toast. You smiled and took a sip. You froze, eying him as you swallowed.

“Connor,” you said slowly, “Is this alcohol?”

“Yup.” he grinned, taking a big swallow from him own cup. You didn’t bother asking questions. You didn’t really care how he got it.

You laughed and talked about nothing in particular for a while.

“Oh, I like this song.” you commented absently as the first few notes played over the speakers. Connor stood up pulled off his jacket, laying over the back of the chair, and held his hand out.

“Dance with me?” he asked.

“What?” you almost laughed.

“Will you dance with me?”

“I don’t know how.” you admitted.

“I’ll show you.”

“You can dance?”

“Is that so surprising?” he feigned offense.

“I mean, yeah.” you laughed.

“Just come on, jerk.”

He took your hand and lead you towards the center of the dance floor.

“Okay, now put your hand here.” he placed your hand on his shoulder. “And I put mine here.” He rested his hand over your hip and you felt heat rise in your cheeks.

“And then we just,” he began stepping in a simple pattern. You picked up quickly and were able to keep up, only stepping on his toes a few times. It got easier with each song.

A slower paced oldies song came on and you laughed as he spun you around out of tune with the song, the skirt of your dress flaring out in a big circle around you. You came to a halt in front of him, stumbling a bit as you regained your balance. He held tight to your waist to keep you upright. A wide, crooked smile was stretched across his angular face as he looked down at you. You couldn’t help but smile back. He continued to sway you to the beat of the music.

“Thank you for coming with me tonight. You really didn’t--”

“Hush.” you smiled. “I’m having fun.”

“I am too.”

You leaned your head against his shoulder and he snaked his arm from your hip to your lower back.

“Oh!” you said, pulling back after a couple of minutes. “I told Evan I’d send him a picture of us together. Is that okay?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. Sure.”

You hurried back over to the table and grabbed your phone, ignoring the flood of messages from Jared and Evan arguing, and opened up your camera. You took different pictures and chose a random one to send to Evan and Jared and promptly shoved your phone back in your bag.

You stayed a couple more hours, dancing and eating and having a good time with Connor, before you decided it was probably time to go home.

“Hey, Y/n. Come on, wake up.” Connor was shaking you gently.

“What?” you yawned, sitting up straight. “Oh god my neck hurts like a bitch,” you groaned, massaging the aforementioned area.

“Yeah, I bet. You fell asleep with it at like a 90 degree angle.”

“Ugh… wait. I slept the entire way home?”

“Yup. And you snored too.”

“I did not!” you gasped.

“Totally did.” he laughed, nodding. “Full on sawing logs over there.”

“Shut up oh my God.” you rubbed sleepily at your eyes, forgetting all about your makeup. “What time is it?” another yawn forced its way out of your mouth.

“Half past one.”

“In the morning?!”

“No, it’s just after lunch, Y/n.” Connor replied sarcastically.

You rolled your eyes and stretched out, grabbing your bag from the floorboard.

“Can I walk you up?” Connor asked. You nodded.

He walked around to your side of the car and opened the door for you. Your heels made you a  bit unsteady on your feet, having just woken up, so Connor looped his arm around your waist as he walked you to your front door.

You began digging through you bag for your keys, swearing under your breath at the ungodly amount of junk in your bag.

When you successfully found them and looked back up Connor was holding at least half a dozen twenties.

“No.” you shook your head, pushing the money away.

“Y/n-”

“No, Connor. I don’t want you to pay me.”

“We had a deal, Y/n.”

“Please, Connor, I’m too tired to argue. I had an amazing time with you today. I don’t need your money; it was my pleasure. Really.”

Connor hesitated before putting the money back in his wallet, still looking unsure.

“I, um. I don’t want you to pay me anymore.” you told him. “When we hang out. I… I like just being with you. If you want me to keep being your fake girlfriend or whatever around your family, that’s fine but… I don’t want you to give me money for it. I meant what I said to your cousin.”

Connor stared at you for a moment before speaking.

“I don’t want you to be my fake girlfriend anymore.”

Oh. That’s okay, Y/n. It’s fine. You freaked him out by saying that and he has literally no obligation to stay around you if he doesn’t want to.

“That, um, that’s fine. It’s totally your decision. Uh, whatever you wanna tell your parents happened is fine just-”

“I don’t want you to be my fake girlfriend.” Connor interrupted, grabbing your hand. “Maybe I could take you out next weekend? Like on a real date?”

Your stomach fluttered and you nodded a bit too fast.

“Yes! Yes I… yes. That would be amazing. I-I’d really really like that.”

“Okay.” he grinned.

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah.”

“I should, uh, I should get home.” he gestured with his thumb at his car.

“Yeah, totally.” you couldn’t wipe the dopey grin off your face.

Connor headed to his car and you began to unlock the front door.

“Oh!” he called just before you stepped inside, “Can you send me those pictures?”

You nodded and he gave a thumbs up.

You snuck inside as quietly as you could, creeping into your room and shutting the door softly. You stripped off your dress and hung it up before pulling on a big t-shirt to sleep in and using a makeup wipe in a half-assed attempt to wash your face. You were too tired to go all the way across the hall to the bathroom. Your skin would give you hell, yeah, but that’s a problem for future you. So is the rat’s nest your hair will be when you wake up in the morning without brushing it out but you really couldn’t be bothered right now.

You climbed under your covers and unlocked your phone, seeing messages Jared and Evan had sent in response to the pitcture.

Jare-Bear: shit dude

Jare-Bear: hes got it bad for u

Ev: he really does

Ev: look at the way he’s looking at you

You tapped the picture to make it bigger. You were smiling at the camera, head tilted slightly to the side, while Connor watched you with soft eyes and a gentle smile. He looked happy just being there beside you.

You forwarded the picture to Connor and sent a quick goodnight message before settling into your bed, smiling even as you drifted off to sleep.

[softchenlele]

dreams and roses; a woozi scenario

style: bulletpoint

genre: slightly supernatural fluff

warnings: none

word count: 1,7k

main author: kitty

a/n: this was absolutely unplanned but it sparked in my head today so im writing it before i forget!!!

it’s summer and seventeen, being young boys yearning for adventure, decided to have a camping slash road trip in europe

so there they are, going around europe from poland to spain

setting out camp and having fun around the bonfire

one day as they travel between germany and france they decide to stop in a small town to stock up on food and necessities and basically spend the day here

as vernon and seungkwan were coming back from the market they hear children talking about a witch in the woods?

the exact same woods they’re camping next to

the kids were talking about visiting her sometime

vernon was kinda intrigued by the children’s babbling and seungkwan thought witch seeking could be a good team building adventure

so guess what they talk about over lunch?

yep

get in losers, we’re going to find a witch!!

they ask the kids how to find “miss witch”

“she said you gotta follow the nature’s flow!!”

uhhh ok thats very vague

but then jeonghan points out that there’s a small river flowing from the forest down to the valley and the children just smile knowingly

following the river upstream it is.

as they hike up the woods, chattering playfully and playing with each other, jihoon can’t help but wonder what they will find, if they even find something

fifteen minutes later, to his surprise, they actually do find something

they end up in a clearing in the middle of the woods

the river comes from over a five meter cliff, pooling into a little lake below

and next to the lake is a cottage, not built for more than two people but so well maintained that it almost looks like someone lives here

seungcheol and soonyoung circle the house, checking if there’s anyone, while the others play a bit in the lake

jihoon just walks around, taking in the scenery. that place just radiates peace and serenity, a kind of otherworldly calm

and is it just him or are the flowers peeking at him somehow...?

no no no jihoon wtf it’s time to cut down on coffee and sleep whole nights you’re imagining things about flowers now

but it’s really intriguing to him

since they found no one, the boys go back to their camp, having seen no witch but having spent a nice afternoon

jihoon can’t really sleep so he sneaks out of his tent and goes back to the river, following the stream quietly to the clearing, watching the moon

but then

he sees someone on a rock next to the lake??

the long hair lets him think it’s a woman, she’s just dipping her feet in the water

he freezes in place

he really didn’t think there would be someone??

“hey, didn’t i tell you kids not to come at night? your parents will worry”

did she speak to him? he didn’t show himself though

after a few beats of silence, she turns her head and stares straight at him and jihoon gulps

“you’re... not a child”

thx captain obvious now are u gonna turn me into a frog??

he’s positively freaking out by now but still silent

she stands up, and he swears he sees a gust of wind drying her feet, what the heck

she puts her sandals back on and hops off the rock, walking towards him

she asks for his name, but the only thing he can stutter back is are you a witch?

and then she laughs, a crystalline sound echoing off the water

“no, god no, do i look like one? if i were one you’d be cursed already!!”

but then jihoon thinks that maybe he has, seeing how he’s rooted in place and can’t seem to take his eyes off her

“i’m y/n, and i’m a fairy, not a witch!”

at that he just chokes on air. she doesn’t even look like she’s lying

he tells her his name and she looks at him curiously before asking why he’s here

“that’s a bit,,, difficult to explain? i came here with my friends this afternoon and there was no one??”

“i know that. but why did you come back?”

how did she know???

he explains how he wanted to see this place again

how he’s a singer, writing songs for his group, and how the clearing struck something in him

she nods and whistles a few notes to something behind him

“what are you doing??”

“i’m thanking the birds for warning me of your presence!”

at this point jihoon is entirely lost. are all europeans like that?? what the heck is up with this one???

“you what???”

“i thanked the sparrows. they told me twice today that i had guests, unfortunately i was with the foxes the first time”

is she crazy

“wait hold up. have you lost your mind?? what is this all about???”

she definitely is

she lives alone in the forest, talking to birds and spending days with foxes?? what kind of person does that??!

she doesn’t answer and grabs his hand, leading him in the forest. she stops in front of a burrow, where a family of foxes can be seen.

his jaw almost drops right to the floor

the mother looks sick and the babies are small and sickly thin

she’s been taking care of them

he starts to review his judgement of her

maybe she’s a biologist a bit too caught up into her fantasy

but when she touches the mother fox’s nose and her fingertip glows, he’s back at square one: total incomprehension

“she’s doing good. she’s almost healed!! and she says that the human, you, is allowed to touch her babies!”

he doesn’t even try to think and extends a trembling hand to one of the baby foxes and pets it

y/n and the mother fox are watching him intently and after some time, he withdraws his hand

y/n then bids goodbye to the foxes and brings him back to the clearing

he’s about sure by now that she’s the real deal

a real, live fairy

she asks if he wants to stay some more. he looks a bit shaken internally so she suggests her number one calming activity: stargazing

which he accepts immediately because to be honest he could use some chill

they climb up a tree and she starts pointing stars to him, but he’s not paying attention

“are you always this welcoming to strangers?”

“are you always this accepting to the idea of superatural”, she quips back, more to make him react than anything.

he thinks about it for a second

“to be honest, i’m pretty sure i’m dreaming right now. this is the oddest night of my life but it doesn’t feel wrong or false, so there’s only that option left”

“maybe it’s not.” and on that she climbs down the tree, surprising jihoon, but he’s still quick to follow her

he really doesn’t want to lose sight of the biggest mystery of that night

she goes inside the cottage and he stays on the doorstep, marveling at all the books, potted plants and little pouches of various seeds and flowers

they look like the lavender pouch his mom brought back from a trip once, which she put among his clothes to give them a nice flowery scent

y/n comes back with a piece of raw blue stone he recognizes as something like kyanite, held by a fine silver chain tied around it

“maybe if you come back with a souvenir, you’ll understand it’s not a dream. this is a lucky charm, it will help you focus when you need it and turn the odds in your favor. for a creative person, this is great, isn’t it?”

she smiles at him and he lets her drop the jewel into his hands, gingerly letting out a small “thanks” in return

he didn’t know what to think

she looks at an old clock and remarks how late it has gotten

he didn’t feel time pass either but he knows he should get back to the guys, so he tells her he needs to leave

she nods and goes right past him to the white rose plant along the wall, plucks a flower bud, and whispers some words jihoon can’t quite catch to it

it slowly blooms between her fingers, her fingertips starting to glow white again, and he’s simply mesmerized

she turns back to him and tucks it in one of the button holes of his shirt, smiling softly

“this is just a gift from me to you. hopefully, you’ll figure out how it works soon”

he says goodbye and his mind is empty during the way down

he really doesn’t know what happened

the next day, he acts like nothing happened, hides the forever blooming rose and pretends he bought the kyanite necklace earlier

jihoon was just laying on his bed, fidgeting with a blue stone necklace when the murmuring started again

he had a rough day at the studio, his lyrics just wouldn’t come out

and every time it happened the flower y/n gave him would murmur like it was trying to speak

he grabbed his notebook and thought back to that evening

his pen flew over the pages like it was natural

and before he knew it his song was here in his hands

it ended up being their title track

a story about unforgettable nights and a dream-like, eerie girl

he’s really proud of it

but the flower kept on whispering from time to time, he didn’t know why

one day where the flower was particularly chatty (?), he put it to his ear

what heard caught him completely off guard 

it was the voice of the person he met that night

y/n’s

it was mixed with children’s voices, he figured the kids did go visit her in the end

he waited for the children to leave and then called her name once tentatively

a few seconds later, the same crystalline laugh answered him

“it took you long enough! but i’m glad you didn’t throw the rose away!”

he couldn’t believe it

she had given him a fairy phone???

a chuckle escaped his lips at her response

“i did!! of course, i do have a cell phone, but where would have the fun been in me just giving you my number?”

[babycardinalsfly]

I found it, I found the diary that she was screaming at just a week before she left. She thought I wasn’t home but I was, I had just gotten home and I heard her upstairs, throwing her books, throwing her pillows, yelling. Yelling about things that I didn’t understand, yelling about the idea that she was so lonely. I never understood that about my girl, she was lonely in a room full of people, but she didn’t show it at all. If you didn’t know her, you would probably think that she was never lonely. But she was. I could see it in her eyes, her father could see it in her eyes, and her little brother wondered why she cried in the bathroom while he was waiting to brush his teeth. But she came out of the bathroom bright eyed and happy, telling us goodnight as though nothing was wrong. He didn’t tell us this until after she left. I wanted to help her but she never showed signs on the outside, I never had proof of pain. The therapist told me that she was okay. I never had proof of pain until now, I found the diary with the ripped out pages, and I found the pages shoved in her drawer full of socks, not carefully hidden. Maybe it was hidden to her, she never liked wearing socks. Some of the writing, on the angrier days, was illegible, entirely constructed of scribbles that were pretending to be words. But some of the days I could read, like December 1st, 2015, her first entry.

- “Hello Diary. The girls at school carry something like you around at school, and I guess I wanted to see what the big deal is about. I guess I’m supposed to write my feelings down, but here lately I haven’t been feeling much of anything. I used to feel, like when the boy on the playground kissed my cheek I felt the fire in my face, or when the girl told me last year that I wasn’t pretty enough to be on camera for her video class, I felt insecurity, or when he left me for that other girl, I felt angry. But its been a while since all of those things, and I have grown comfortably numb. So I guess I can’t write my feelings, but I am writing my lack of feelings. Why should I live here on this earth if I don’t feel? Thats what you should live for isn’t it? Thats what all the t-shirts at the mall say, they must be right.”

I met her over a year ago, I fell in love with her over a year ago. They say you can’t find love that early but they’re wrong. I did, and I didn’t want her to go so soon. Everything is so early. She was so beautiful. The way she looked back at you with a smile when you said bye one more time, the way her hair flipped around as if it were looking at you too. She knew how to control everyone around her with her good nature and kind spirit, but she didn’t take advantage of that, she just loved everyone. She was dark, she was really, really dark, she didn’t like a lot of people. I guess I contradicted myself, but she did that all the time. Thats what beauty is though, the idea that you can be beautiful in one way but then show beauty on a different side too. The dark and the light. She loved all of us. On different levels. She loved him like he put the stars in the sky, and she loved all the others like annoying siblings that she couldn’t get rid of, but if given the chance, she wouldn’t get rid of. She had to go, she kept saying, but I didn’t believe her. I didn’t think she meant it, she looked so happy. She was never alone, everyone loved her. I need her alive… I love her more than anything else. I know why she went but I don’t know why she followed through with it. She was okay… I hugged her just two weeks ago when she was walking to her 7th hour. I hugged her, I had her in my arms, she was safe. I put my hands in the pockets of this sweatshirt that I hadn’t worn since she last wore it, she gave it back the day before, I didn’t have the guts to put it on till now. It still smells like her, and as I was thinking about the way she smelled like a summer’s day, I felt a crumpled piece of paper. I pulled it out frantically, she left something for me I know she did. December 5th, 2015 - “Hello Diary, and hello my dear. I don’t know what this diary thing is for really, its been really difficult for me to come up with things to write. But I thought, this is a piece of paper, and I like to write to you on those, so I tore this one out for that reason. I have torn out 3 of the 5 pages that I have written. I guess I think that if I take out the pages, those problems won’t be in my life anymore. Anyways… I love you, and if there were anything I could ever do to change the way I’m feeling, I would because I want to stay here with you. Its too late for that, a girl who feels nothing shouldn’t be with a boy who feels everything. Thats all for now.”

And I cried, I thought I ran out of tears but I looked it up, you physically can’t run out of tears. I wish I could.

I met her when I least expected it, she became this part of my life that I couldn’t live without. Each and every day I texted her without thinking of why, I texted her in the morning, I texted her at night, and every hour in between. She became this concept in my life that was more than friendship, it was like… sisters. Something you know about your sister is whether or not she is happy, or at least, thats what I thought before that day. She looked so happy. She looked so… happy. Her boyfriend keeps texting me, making sure I’m okay, and much like the pages in her diary that her mother found, I have become numb. Not from lack of feeling, but from lack of her. She did this with everyone, when you met her, she automatically became a piece of you, she latched herself on and made you feel like the most important person in the world. That was one of her best qualities, because every word she said to you, she meant with all sincerity. Why couldn’t she have connected with herself like that? Didn’t she own a mirror in her house? I get angry, and then I get sad, and then I get really sad, and then I fall asleep in the same puddle of tears that was there that first night. It is that lack of her.

December 14th, 2015 - “Hello again you stupid Diary. I don’t mean that as an insult, I think all of us can make stupid decisions sometimes, and yours was being in my clutches, because now its just a waste of trees. I have nothing to say, in a world of hurt. But if I must say, I will tell you this. The feeling of having everyone look at you like you were okay, it felt great. It started to hurt, though, when I was laying in my bed. Because then I was actually in the empty room with nobody else around, and to explain, physically loneliness is actually just a little more painful than the loneliness that I feel in a room full of people. Why? Because the touch of another human being can take you away from your sorrows for just a little bit. Even if the girl next to me accidentally bumps my arm, it takes me out of my mind for a second. Goodnight.”

I found that one in her sock drawer, and I put it right back in after reading it carefully. I walked out of the room and shut the door, I think I know how she feels. If you don’t look at the pages, if you don’t hold the diary, they don’t hurt as much. And the torn out pages seem to be problem solved for a second when they’re shoved under pieces of fabric in a wooden drawer. Kind of like when a child hides under their blankets when they are scared, they aren’t protected because fabric is weak, but they think that they are, therefore their mind is safe.

This is the entry that the stranger found, carefully folded and taped to the tree she jumped from next to the river that she collided with. This is the entry that she tore out last.

December 23rd, 2015 - “I love this river, I always come down here when I’m alone, I don’t think I’ve ever brought anyone here. Wait, I did show him this place once. He told me that he was cold, so we went back to the car, I mean I understood, and I always told myself I’d show him when it was warmer, but I don’t think I’l ever get to. Maybe he will remember. Anyways, the reason I love this river is because it knows exactly how I feel, it is always rushing around, never leaving time to actually think, but all it does is think because it can’t really do anything else. Its surrounded by trees, all of its friends and family, but its alone. Sitting there in the middle, rushing past, only time for a smile and a wave. I’m sorry Diary. I’m rambling, but I think if I had one more thing to say, it would be that I am sorry. I am sorry for the way that I am, and the way that I feel. Maybe I can change it in another life, if I even believe in such a thing. And, to anyone that is reading this, you know, if you find it, thanks so much. You mean something to this world, don’t let your mind take over like I did, its a trap and you’re too amazing to let this path swallow you.”

[briteboy]

LITERALLY SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THIS IS ONLY HALF OF THEM 

lmao RIP me (now u know why i take so long to answer)

do you know the game what remains of edith finch? its really fantastic, I just finished the part with lewis, his whole situation with reality reminded me of santi. just wanted to tell you :)

surprisingly no i haven’t ever heard of it! :O but now i’m intrigued, i googled it and i’m reading up on it hehe thank you for telling me, u learn something new every day :~}

Hello femmesim! I'm a new simblr & I see you get a lot of notes on your great story! I guess this probably means you have a lot of followers too. I was wondering if you follow them all back. If not do you check out your followers & how do you decide which ones to follow back? What don't you like. What would make you unfollow them? Oops that was a lot lol!

iiiiiiiii honestly haven’t even looked at my actual followers page in a loooooong time, even on my personal blog i was never good with that lol. i just can’t keep up with everyone and i don’t want to feel obligated to follow everyone back because that would be way too many posts on my dashboard all the time y’know. it sounds mean but...ajksdgdsf i WISH i could follow everyone back but itsjustnotrealistic

tbh i follow people back when they reach out to me, make an effort to engage with me, send me messages, reply, or just frequently interact with my posts because it gets my attention and shows their personality. i don’t mean that as in like...”you can’t be my friend unless you give me notes” (LMFAO NO) i mean it as in like i’m fcking oblivious and it’s too much work for me to go out of my way and check out every single blog that follows me :{ but i love messaging and communicating through replies so even if you’re nervous pleeeease step out of your comfort zone, i promise i’m like a pretty good OK human being and i try to make funny jokes so talking to me isn’t that bad i promise.

as for your other questions...tbh i dunno, i like blogs that interest me. (duh...lmao what kind of answer even is that) i usually go for people that show their personalities in their posts (go figure), like memes (lmfao), have an intriguing aesthetic, HONESTLY IDK...i follow a lot of diverse blogs tbh, not just ones that are similar to mine. i only unfollow ppl if i have no memory of following them and their content doesn’t interest me, if they say/do something that irks or angers me (that’s only happened like twice tho), or if they post like EXCESSIVE nsfw...i didn’t sign up for that lmao

i hope i don’t sound like an asshole for all this but it’s just like...i can’t deny i get a lot of attention on here. and i never expected it so i’m pretty unprepared for it lmao. i try my best tho :{ just reach out to me and we’ll probably be frands ok

so many feelings

I just wanted to say how much I love your blog but to the Anon who said how she looks white if she's Hispanic. Not all hispanics are brown haired and tan. I'm Puerto Rican and I'm blonde and have blue eyes. Hispanics come in different tones and what nots :)

hell0 thank you <3 yeah hispanic people are very diverse, especially with varying nationalities, and especially with puerto ricans. i personally know a lot of puerto ricans who are white passing so it’s really not that uncommon. everyone’s different, and as eir said, white passing POC are still POC!

papa ya - sunny ; thats your song boo lol

OOH i actually like this...i’m boppin my head rn lmao thank u

So basically the last anon is saying hispanics can't be 'white'? I know many 'white' hispanics???

i don’t wanna twist their words, i think they just meant molly looks ethnically white and i understand that, i’m not denying she’s white passing but tbh...idk, if she wasn’t my own sim i’d look at her and kinda know she’s not 100% white y’know. she has features that don’t look european. plus the fact that i’ve posted her speaking spanish before soooo. anyway yeah it’s very possible for a hispanic person to literally have white skin but that doesn’t mean they’re ethnically white

well if she has family from spain it's normal for them to have blonde hair and green eyes, so i mean that could make sense.

she could, who’s to say lol. it’s rly not that deep tho, she’s half white, half puerto rican, das it. but yeaah there is a wide array of genetic possibilities for every race! who’da thunk it

Hey, I'm a new reader, is it possible you could link some earlier parts to your story. You don't have to if it's problem though I know how tumblr be. I love the visuals style of your sims. That's what caught my eye. I also was wondering what editing program would you suggest. I kinda want to test out editing my sims.

heyo i summed up the story here and here and there’s a lot of posts of key events linked in there! thank you though, that’s so kind ;-; <3 wellll the only editing program i use is photoshop cs6 so i’d recommend that haha. you can find it for free pretty easily, but if you’re not into that, there are plenty of other programs you can use. i know a lot of ppl on here use gimp. 

hi! I need advice and idk where to get it from but you seem like a really good person who has some wisdom lol! so basically i'm in a big financial situation. I had a good paying job but it made me have anxiety and panic attack because i hated it so much. and i quit my job before i had another job lined up. So my bank account is very close to being completely empty and i have bills and i have to move soon. I NEED ADVICE OR SOMEONE TO TELL ME ITS GOING TO BE OK.

omg first of all i’m so touched that you even came to me with this wtf ;___; ily

second of all it IS going to be ok, you shouldn’t force yourself to do something you hate if it’s really impeding on your mental health that much. it’s not good for you in the long run, even if it pays well. like, at what cost do you want to sell yourself in order to make money? my point is you made a good decision but lacked the foresight, which luckily is something that can be remedied easily. (well...hopefully, but job hunting is never easy :\ ) if you’re still in this situation by the time your bills and everything catch up to you, you can always seek help from family and friends or look into loans...find someone (or multiple people) who will stick by you and support you through this, because this is something way too hard to do alone. (if you don’t have anyone, i’m here for you ;-; ) i honestly don’t have any good advice for finding another job because tbh that’s something i always flounder in, and i’m gonna have to do the same thing by the time i finish up school in the next month AHHHHH

i’m prayin 4 both of us, but you especially <3

Hi!!! sorry i remember seeing an ask about Lou's eyelashes but i cannot find it :((( could you please tell me where can i find it???

hey she just uses the kijiko ones! sometimes if it’s a closeup i use these eyelash brushes tho

hi! sorry, this is a weird question but i thought you could help maybe.... i recently started playing ts4 again, but when i am in cas, there is a weird shine on all cc hairs.... do you have a solution for this? thank you in advance!

hmmmmm i kinda get a weird shiny glitch too but it’s only with certain things, and it’s usually remedied by clicking on the sim’s different outfit categories until it goes away lol. but if it’s on ALL of the hairs...hmm...i’m assuming you’re talking about alpha? because i don’t think clay hairs usually have that problem. check if laptop mode is on, if it is, turn it off!! that’s the only solution i can think of :{

i feel like too many people are reading too deeply into things. either way i love your work and just read the entire thing in a day and i love you so much idek.

i think this was sent when i was getting messages about my dialogue haha. i mean i definitely understand their points in saying it has too many realistic vocal quirks, but tbh that’s what i like about it, and i think that’s part of the reason people connect with it. idk. but thank you so much ily ;__;

hi i just wanted to ask how do you manage your time and how do you post frequently without feeling overworked and overwhelmed ? do you have some sort of schedule, because you seem very organized lol . tysm for answering <3 !

hmmmmm how? um poorly LMAO

no but really...it’s hard. i’m glad i’m so into this story/eager to see all your reactions to it because otherwise the chaos of my life would’ve definitely deterred me from moving along with it a while ago. that’s basically the reason i’m so surprised i even made it this far tbh. i accomplished so much more than i ever thought i would. ;__;

i don’t have an answer for this question because i DO often feel overwhelmed and i have to take a step back and remind myself it’s not the end of the world if i don’t have time to go in game or edit or whatever. i think it’s because i set up this timeline for myself in terms of goals i want to reach with my story throughout the rest of the year and i get frustrated with myself when those plans become delayed because of other obligations. (for example i definitely thought baby wallace would’ve been born by now lmao syke) i was getting burnt out very easily before, which is why i’ve been taking it slower lately (that and i’ve been working a lot more so i don’t have as much free time as i used to :\ ) the good thing about having different characters tho is that when i get burnt out on one thing i can just switch over to another thing at an opportune time (which is what i’ve always done with santi and girooni)

anyway yeah i am kinda organized (in my own weird way) in terms of story planning, controlling the pacing and key events, and that’s definitely the reason i’m able to post so frequently. i used to have multiple free days a week where i could go in game for long amounts of time and get lots of scenes done at once, but at this point in my current schedule i just basically go in game whenever i'm free from the clutches of capitalism (jk we’re never free save us bernie) which means i only have time to do like one thing in game but it seems to be working just as well so far.

.............i’m how i wrote a novel to answer this

im glad i pretty much got it. i can really relate to everything going on. i can see a lot of myself in santi and molly & i get it. the movies make you think you fall in love and everythings fixed like they fill that void in your soul and i mean sure they fill parts of it but you need to do that yourself and not rely on someone else. Your story is real and you can tell your writing from personal experience because theres so much feeling. u think ur fixing urself and u end up more hurt in the end

i’m so glad you can relate ;-; i think that’s one of my proudest accomplishments so far. i mean santi has always been relatable for me because he IS me...or at least partly me, just like all my characters are. but i never thought anyone else would feel the same way, so it means so much to me that people enjoy him as a character because of that.

anyway YES exactly. i hate the “no one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself” mentality, i think it’s a toxic way of looking at the benefits of genuine self love. the sentiment behind it is true, but it’s a backwards way of looking at it. someone’s else’s love shouldn’t be your motivation, your own love toward yourself should be your motivation. when you look at it in the other way, you do end up getting more hurt in the end.

lol anons back the frick off, that scene is perfect, santi is perfect, sunny is perfect, the stuttering is perfect THIS BLOG IS FREAKIN PERFECT

oMG i appreciate the support, but i don’t blame those people for having issues with my dialogue hahahha. i know it’s kind of different and weird but it just feels right for me when i write it so i go with it. i rly like santi’s stuttering tho so *shrugs* THANK YOU THO ILY <333

hey! I was wondering if you have any tips on making(?) light leaks in photoshop? idk if you've answered this already bc I'm on mobile, buT if u have I'll just check when I get on my computer next !!! Thanks !

ummM I DON’T ACTUALLY because i get all my light leaks off google lmao. i have a folder of all the ones i’ve collected over time lmao

you could probably easily make some with the paintbrush in overlay mode with varying opacities tho? i’ve tried to replicate this a few times actually, but the rest of the time i just use light leaks made by other people lol

Do you enjoy more playing the game or taking the photos/making the story? Do you play challenges?

LATELY i’ve been just enjoying playing the game because i’ve gotten burnt out on story things and just playing is such a nice break from it haha. whenever i have to wait in game for it to be a certain time of day for story purposes, i go play with girooni for a few sim hours to pass the time and it’s fun for me lmao. i’m looking forward to my story winding down so i can get back to doing more gameplay things like i did before but at the same time i’ll always do at least something story related because i like the sense of direction it gives y’know.

i’ve never actually tried any challenges, not even just regular old legacies because i would always either get sick of the sims i was playing with or get too attached to them and not want to go to a new generation lmao. i was never interested in any challenges tbh. i like watching other people do bachelor(ette) challenges tho heheh

WHEN DID SANTI BECOME SUCH A STRONK BOI also you are so sweet we don't deserve you??? You are a blessing I love you thank you for doing this aaaaa ;;; you are an inspiration I hope I can do what you do too! OK BYE HAVE A NICE DAY ❤️❤️❤️

OMG HE’S ALWAYS BEEN SECRETLY STRONK (i’m assuming this is about how he beat ugly stepdad to a pulp lmao) he mostly gets his strength from anger and an adrenaline rush. a BLESSING WHAT!!!!!! YOU’RE SO SWEET ILY ;__; don’t thank me, i’m just doin what i love <3 have a nice day/night/rest of your life ily

But why are ur anons so needy lol isn't that like ur third one angry that u haven't responded

ugh i feel bad because i get it, i do, i understand it hurts when you reach out to someone multiple times and you get ignored, but i don’t do it on purpose and i have explained, many times, the plenty of valid reasons why i can’t respond to 100% of my messages. i’m actually trying to answer all of my message right now with these mass answer posts and it’s REALLY a lot for me to go out of my way and do this. so i’m trying ok. but like i’m only a person ajhsdghjdfjhk i can only give so much attention to this y’know. please be patient

from this moment on we should all proceed to take cautions around ppl named dan.... TAINTED

I KNO RIGHT...dan is such an ugly boring name (no offense to the dans of the world) but like if you’re a dane you’re probably evil or are the human embodiment of cardboard

I can not say it enough. Great story. It's life. And life is beautiful, loving, refreshing and sometimes it can be harsh & scary. You take the good with the bad. I look forward to what comes next. --"Run away, run far away" nony (I have to start thinking of new tag line, because I am diggin Santi and Lou together) :)

HELLO FRIEND i kinda love that you keep coming back ehehe. and i’m glad you’re enjoying it so much ;___; these words are so kind and genuine, thank you so much <3333 OMG i’m glad you like santou as well even though they’re on a slow decline right now. i’m really excited about what i have planned in the future tho

omggggg my theory is the first one on that list you posted!! i'm so happy for that but also sad bc of what's going on with molly and santi and i hope that santi will finally just be happy soon. love you and your sims (except step dad dan) 💕💕

OOH HELLO YES you basically guessed everything that happened up until this point hahaha congratulations <33 santi will be happy...eventually. it’s going to be a long hard road in getting there tho. i hope you’ll all be satisfied in the end

fuck you dan stepdad

[teamkaiforever]

It Hurts Like Hell                                 - Part X

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 -  Part 7 -  Part 8 - Part 9 Kai Parker x Reader word count : 2 420 *not my gif __________________

Y/N reached behind her back where she had shoved a blood bag for Kai and tossed it in his lap watching him hungrily empty it. Took him less than 30 seconds to do that and toss the empty container on the ground. He got up and stretched a little before pulling her closer to him. “So happy to see you , princess.” Kai said leaning in to kiss her , except she turned away. “Yeah , no …” she said pushing him off and heading for the bar grabbing a bottle with wiskey , twisting the top off and taking a large sip directly from the bottle. Kai couldn’t understand why she’d find a way into his Prison World if she didn’t want to be with him. Something was off about her , it’s like it was Y/N but at the same time it wasn’t Y/N. Clearly something had happened in the real world that had her in a bad mood. He went to sit next to her , snatching the bottle from her hands. “Why are you acting like this ?” he asked , putting his hand on her hip but she swatted it away. “Like what ?” “Cold … You always want me to touch you and kiss you , even when you are mad at me and now … ” he tried to touch her again but she just got up , taking the bottle back from the bar where Kai had left it a moment ago. “Is it because Bonnie left you here ? Being in the Prison World can be fun when you are not alone and we are going to find a way out of here.” “No. I don’t care about that. I don’t care about anything.” she said , winking at him before vamp-runnng outside. Kai sat at the bar more confused than ever. Something was up with her , maybe her friends had gotten Klaus Mikaelson to compell her or something … but that wouldn’t explain why she was there with him. He got up and rushed outside trying to catch up with her. He listened with his vampire hearing for any sounds - footsteps , breathing , the crunching of dried leafs … anything , but he heard nothing. She was gone. Kai spent the next day looking for her. Wherever she was , it was clear he wouldn’t find her without magic so he went to his apartment to pick up a few things he needed for the locator spell. It was getting dark outside but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. His apartment looked pretty much the same as when he had lat been there. It was as if she had only gone there to sleep and nothing else. He went into their old bedroom , memories flooding his mind , his clothes were still in the closet. Kai glanced at the painting on the wall , remembering that where she kept her diary hidden. It was an invasion of privicy , he knew that , but his curiosity won over. All he wanted to know was when her last entry had been. Her diary opened on the bookmark space , last entry dating 3 years ago - about the same time she had turned off her humanity switch.

“Dear Diary , it’s been a whole year since Kai … I can’t bare another - ”

Suddenly the closed the diary , stopping himself. Part of him wanted to know , the other knew how upset she’d be when she finds out he had invaded her privicy. Kai opened her diary again , taking a deep breath before continuing to read.

“Dear Diary , it’s been a whole year since Kai … I can’t bare another moment living with that pain. Stefan keeps saying it will get easier with time and I want to believe him , except so far things are only getting worse. I miss him more and more every day , the last moment we shared together repeating over and over in my head , hauting me even in my dreams. It would be easy to let go , but who will I be without the love I still feel for him ? Who will I be without the pain ? If only I had been wearing vervain that day … maybe Kai would still be alive and we’d be together living somewhere far away from this place. Everyone says its not ‘healthy’ spending half my day every day on his grave , but it’s the only place I don’t feel completely broken. I’d sit there talking to him , telling him about my day … Sometimes I can even hear his voice , his laugh… Oh God , how much I miss his smile , those blue eyes able to make my knees go weak and my heart leap out of my chest with one look. - ”

Kai touched the page - there was a smudge on it where a tear had fallen while she had been writing. He wiped his cheeks only now noticing the tears rolling down.

“I even miss our fights. I’d give anything to hear him screaming at me again even if it’s only for a few seconds. I miss him getting angry with me when I call him Malachai , I miss his lips, his touch , I … I miss everything. ”

Y/N hadn’t finished the entry that day , there were traces of where other tears had fallen on the page. The diary slipped out of Kai’s hands , falling on the ground , picking it up he noticed a picture had fallen from inside it. He took it in his hands suddenly laughing at the image. Kai remembered the day this picture had been taken. They had gone to the zoo because Y/N wanted to see some baby panda bear. On the way to the pandas they had stopped to pet a ponny , she had brought out an apple giving it to the cute creature who had decided Kai’s shoulder is the nicest place to rest its head. She had snapped a selfie of them in that moment , sticking her tongue out while Kai was trying to push off the ponny’s head off his shoulder. He carefully put it back in the diary , his gaze falling on the clock - 11.00PM. He quietly cursed under his breath and put the diary back where it was before and started looking for her hairbrush.A few minutes later he already knew exactly where she was. Part of him wondered why he hadn’t started with that spell in the first place.

It was around midnight , Y/N was walking in the middle of the road right outside Mystic Falls dropping on the ground just laying there , starring at the night sky with an empty expression , arms outstretched. She had missed life without emotions , it helped her think clearly. She had wondered if when she sees Kai , the switch would flip back like last time… not this time tho. “What are you doing laying in the middle of the road?” Kai’s voice interrupted her thoughts , she could hear a smile in his voice. Y/N was trying very hard to forget he was there. Thats how she had gotten herself into all this - because of her feelings for Kai. She just couldn’t let go of him … He was like a drug to her - the more she had , the more she wanted. Not anymore. “Awwh .. Is someone having a bad day?” he said. Y/N could hear him fake pouting. “Stop ignoring me.” his tone getting serious. Y/N continued laying on the ground as if he hadn’t said a word. She could feel he was getting irritated with her silence. Y/N suppressed a smile. When Kai got angry things were always interesting. “Y/N?” he tried to get her attention again. “You know you can’t avoid me forever…We are the only two people in the whole world now , literally.” Y/N sat up glancing at him. Kai had changed clothes which meant he either did some midnight shopping or … had stopped by his apartment , for some reason his eyes were a little reddish as if he had cried or something , except Kai never cries. “Finally.” he said. “I was beginning to think you were ignoring me.” “Oh , I am.” she said getting up. “Now if you excuse me , I am off to find something to eat …” She started walking towards Mystic Fall but Kai grabbed her wrist yanking her back towards him smacking her body against his. His jaw clenched and there was anger in his eyes. “What game are you playing?” he said , anger clear in his voice. She smiled. Kai took a deep breath trying to hold on his anger. Y/N’s behaviour was driving him nuts. He had no idea why she was acting like this , all he knew is he didn’t like it. He missed her arms around him , her lips on his … Y/N looked into his eyes and leaned in , her lips almost touching his. For a moment she just stood there , tormenting him then leaned in to whisper on his ear. “God , you’re hot when you’re angry.” she said , her tongue licking straight line on his neck before pulling away. Somehow he had loosened the grip on her hand and she wriggled her way out , vamp speeding away only to be pinned down on the cold asphalt by him less than 5 seconds later. Kai had his hand wrapped around her neck , his body firmly pressed onto hers. “Why are you acting like this? Do you think this is hard only for you ? I spent 18 years of my life in isolation in a place like this , 4 years in Hell and now I am stuck all over again.” his voice low , anger clear in his voice but also hurt. “I was actually excited that you got here because spending eternity without you was the worst feeling I have ever had to experience.” Y/N didn’t even looked surprised or scared of him, didn’t even seem she had heard him at all. Hot as hell.. she thought. Kai bit his lower lip and Y/N felt a spark of emotion inside her - she loved when he did that, quickly shoving it away refusing to feel anything. “So hot.” she whispered. Kai couldn’t take his eyes off of her , there was fire dancing in his eyes. He was getting tired of the entire situation. “Kiss me … ” she whispered again smiling , a surprise flashing in Kai’s eyes for a second. “.. or kill me. Anything to stop this conversation.” she said annoyed. Kai stood there for a moment , Y/N was confusing the hell out of him and he was at a loss for words. A moment later he punched a hole through her chest , holding her heart in his hand. “You really like playing with fire , don’t you?“ he said squeezing her heart. Y/N was struggling to breath , the pain in her chest growing. For a moment she wondered if he’d actually do it - rip out her heart - but he wouldn’t. She was the girl he loved , he wouldn’t risk losing her and spending eternity alone. He already had admited it. “What do you think happens if I kill you ?” Kai asked. Y/N tried to speak but no sound came out. “If I squeeeezee a little tighter … and sloowwly rip it out of your chest. Would you come back to life ?” he wondered outloud. Her eyes rolled going white from the pain , feeling another spark of emotion trying to find it’s way out of the door she had shoved it before. Fear. He held the grip on her heart for a while longer before pulling his hand out of her chest. Y/N gasped for air , taking a few deep breaths. “And they say I’m crazy.” he let out a short laugh not taking his eyes off her , suddenly realising what was actually going on. “You shut off your humanity again , didn’t you? Why ?” Y/N could hear the anger in his voice. He hadn’t seen this coming and he didn’t like any of it. He’ll try to get me to flip the switch back. Lovely. she thought. “Does it matter ? Point is , emotionless life is so much more fun.” she said trying to roll on top of him without any luck. He was stronger than her , no surprise here. Kai leaned in , his body firmly pressed on hers his hands gripping her wrists over her head. Her eyes were cold , no trace of the warmth he had seen in them barely a few days ago. “You really don’t feel anything?“ he said , his fingers stroking her cheek moving his fingers across her lips wishing he could kiss her. “Nope. I feel nothing.” she said flipping him them over. “You don’t have to waste your energy. It’s not going to work.” Her hand resting on his chest, where his heart is , leaning in slightly over him. “We can still hang out and have fun , I don’t plan on spending eternity alone either.” Kai wasn’t sure he liked Y/N without humanity as much as he had thought. She was driving him absolutely insane. He missed the times when he’d touch her and get an immidiate reaction from her. “Alright then.” he said deciding to play along for the time being before figuring out how to get the girl he had fallen in love with back. Y/N looked surprised at his answer , there had to be a catch. “You are not going to try and flip my switch back ?” “No. Maybe we have a bit more in common right now plus I am curious about what happened with Katherine’s stupid plan…” Kai grinned. “What do you say we go have a drink and you can tell me all about it?” A smile spread across Y/N’s face and she got up , pulling him up. “Let’s go then.” Kai fixed his shirt , not taking his eyes off her. The way she walked it sort of reminded him of Katherine. He didn’t want to spent eternity with someone like her. “So you really don’t care about anything.” he asked curious. Y/N twirled around , her curls dancing around her shoulders. “Nope. It’s so liberating , I had forgotten how awesome it feels to be an emotionless bitch.” Kai laughed following her a few steps behind. “Problem is … I do.” he said , magically snapping her neck , rushing a few meters infront of him to catch her before she falls. He held her in his hands , caressing her cheek. The girl he loved , who loves him was still in there somewhere and he was willing to do anything to get her back.

____________________ MASTERLIST March / April 2017

MASTERLIST MAY 2017 _____________________

[theonewiththesunflowertattoo]

random quotes i dont want to lose

I KNOW I EVEN LOOKED UNDER THE VOLCANOE!!-me talking about missing crab :( it was shiny and RIGHT THERE...so i hugged it-katie a Dumb: "Epic fail," a phrase used to make fun of someone's failed attempts, written by people living in their parents' basements. Dumb: "It's like a car crash, you can't look away," a crude attempt at justifying having terrible tastes in entertainment. If you fall off the Sears Tower, just go limp and pretend you're a dummy and maybe someone will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.-owlcity Few things in this funny world make me laugh harder than Patrick Star. That silly little sea star is hilarious.-owlcity My buddy asked me to look after his pet goose while he was away. The goose and I watched movies and went for rides on my motorcycle.-owlcity Have u ever run out of toilet paper & tried wiping yourself with the empty cardboard tube? I just tried 4 u. Doesn't fly right.-dane cook did you just try to shoot me with the wii remote?-mariah **on a horse** dont grab on to me-me i have to or ill fall off!-mariah TUCK&&ROLL mariah tuck and roll-me PRINCE CHARMING: knows all the words to the veggie tales songs :) Ghandi once said that what ever you do in life is insignificant, but that it's very important that you do it. I tend to agree with the first part.-remember me "if i wasn't watching a sad movie right now there would be a hole in the wall..." "what movie?" "saving private ryan" "oh NICE" wait. we arent going outside for a tornado drill?-sammie t. "whoa turn your torch down hot rod" koss boss taylor swift songs are what every girl wants to say justin bieber songs are what every girl wants to hear This is for the people who fought for this country and died so that we could vote. This is for all the people who live their life with love and this is for the people who live their lives in hatred because they're only trying to be loved. This is for all the believers and non believers and for our future generations who will get to vote because of the people who have fought for this country and most of all this is for the people whose main goal in life is to make this world and this country far better then it has ever been- stevie wonder "a lot of people ask me 'hey duncan are you sure you know how to fix buses' and what i say to them is no i don't but i did stay at a holiday inn last night" "If there is an eternal heaven, may it be blessed by horses, especially those who have arrived there via hard passage. And if there is an eternal hell, may the gyps, barbers, and butchers enjoy there stay"-the horse god buit "holy crap the swat teams guns are HUGE" "HOW BIG?!?!" "like the size of two louies!"-marian My stomach yearneth for the ubiquitous golden arches of burgerdom. my second fear in life is pooping while giving birth.- krissy. because i took karate-ALYSSA HA! because your asian-me always be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle we stopped checking for monsters underneath our beds because we realized they were inside us At a certain part in your life. Probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, "But I am this person." And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love. everything is amazing and no one is happy also realized today that she reminds me of my mother and i dont like it- alyssa johnson GINA the trees say something-mariah what do they say?-me .....ronald.-mariah Did you see that guy in the car-mariah no...why-gina he was KINDA attractive-mariah i slept in castles and fell in love because i was taught to dream ♥ "one day this year... we will have a conversation.."-mariah or one day he will transfer to a different class because he thinks youre mute-me you cant even imagine the heart attacks ive had, the hot flashes that have burned me, or the awkward moments that i have been through and rofl that could also be the case-mariah when i saw you i fell in love, and you smiled because you knew- william shakespeare rice is a great thing if youre hungry and want to eat two thousand of something I love photos, because the best thing about it is that it never changes even when the person in it does the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do i lie awake but im still a dreamer to live is the rarest thing in the world. most people exsist thats all. even after all this time the sun never says to the earth "you owe me." Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky-Hafiz Art is our only salvation from the horror of existence when i was a little girl i used to read fairy tales. in fairy tales you meet prince charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so your always know who his is. Then you grow up and you realize that prince charming is not as easy to find as you thought. you realize the bad guy is not wearin a back cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.- Taylor Swift we never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public it's like pull my finger except it's pull my tail and _______-mariah *playing tennis ball lands on the line* Me-is it out if it lands on the line? Mariah - well... in wii tennis it's in Mariah-movie night? Me-heh. at your grandma's? outside? facing he who shall not be name's house? *mariah talking about being hungry and having no food* But I need sustenance-Mariah eat your words. they're big-me "it's always those people who seem so happy all the time, so you never suspect it... I just want to be there for them, because no one deserves to feel so hopeless that living becomes unnecessary..." "there's no string in my pants and I think my underwear is showing"- Mariah "I don't know the actual meaning of maturity, but for me maturity is when a person hurts you and you try to understand their situation rather than hurting them back" "and if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer because there is something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit" "Great horses are not often easy horses. They have big egos and idiosyncrasies and quirks and foibles. Horses of a lifetime do exist, but only for riders so skillful, tactful, and courageous that they can unlock and then reveal the brilliance of their equine partners.” — Denny Emerson "If you want to know what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph" “I have about a kajillion faults but I love really hard. I cry a lot. I laugh a lot too and sometimes make other people laugh so hard their stomachs hurt. I care about every single living thing this galaxy has cooked up and am passionate about the life that surged through their veins or roots. I will help, always, if asked. I can speak in lots of accents, maybe not well, but I do it anyway. I believe in miracles living in ordinary things and I am not afraid of death. I am not so great at crowds. I wish on superstitious things. I write a lot, and am still baffled you read…I think we are going to be ok. I think we have work to do.” "Never wish anything away. Not even the pain, it’s here for a reason. If you ask for a sign, expect it to come. And if you find someone you love, keep them close, forever, in whatever way you can." "Crushes—the best and worst parts about being single. A lot of people think it’s the nights, but I still find hope in the darkness, magic even; it’s easier for me to imagine a sweeter ending when the stars are out." "Something inside of me died quite a while ago. But it could come back. I could." There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realize there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.— Zayn Malik