#soooo excited to share!!! been working on this for awhile and finally finished it up

[janeyre]

call me on the way home (1/2)

otp: tentoo x rose

word count: 5k

summary: After a slight mishap at Torchwood, Rose has gone temporarily missing. While Mia is out, she runs into her mum, but not as she last saw her - instead wearing a blue leather jacket with deep circles beneath her eyes. Worried about her mum's state and trying to comfort her, Mia calls the Doctor so Rose can speak to him.

AO3

Really quite a bummer when your mum goes missing, even if it’s just for a Torchwood mission and it’s probably fine anyways. Wandering the streets of central London, Mia Tyler was hopeful it would all be resolved soon – her dad wasn’t one to let anything happen to the one and only Rose Tyler.

The corners of her mouth turned up at the thought. She had fifteen years of experience in just how protective her dad was over “his girls.”

Apparently they’d been dealing with some aliens, Ainchenns, who had what her dad liked to call a “transport gun” – a teleportation device turned weapon. Whoever wound up on the receiving end suddenly found themselves somewhere else entirely. The beam wasn’t very strong though, so at most, her mum had just been displaced to some other location on this little island they liked to call home. God forbid she ended up somewhere the likes of Aberdeen, though.

The very thought made her shiver, no matter the summer sun that shone in the sky.

Lost in her frigid northern thoughts, Mia was quite content to let her feet take her wherever they may. Truth be told, it almost stressed her out more to be with her dad when things like this happened. Living in the uncertainty of the situation right there along with him was a lot different than being somewhere else and trusting that it would all work out. Besides, he was probably sitting there just trying her mum’s mobile anyway.

No sooner had she rounded a corner and found herself in front of the Thames, that she found her mum as well.

The sensation of the void ate at Rose Tyler’s very being as if pulling her apart from every direction and then– it was over.

Christ, but she was still in London.

Upon immediate reflection, it wasn’t the right one either, as the TARDIS key she had carefully tucked beneath her shirt remained cold.

“Control, shift me back in fifteen. Not the right universe, gonna take a quick look around.” Don’t even think I left this universe in the first place, she murmured under her breath. The zeppelins overhead certainly weren’t a good sign.

“Roger that, over.”

She looked up from sliding her phone into her pocket right into the face of a shocked teenage girl who had just rounded the corner and was now, at the sight of her, running up to grab her in a hug.

“Mum! Oh thank god you’re alright, we’ve been worried sick about you.” And suddenly Rose found herself with arms thrown round her neck, hugging her tightly.

Shit, shit, shit, she thought. Whoever this kid is, I’m not her mum. But I can’t go breaking her heart, if she’s vulnerable enough to throw herself at a stranger.

The young girl let out a laugh that seemed suspiciously wet. “Dad’s gonna be so upset when he hears that after all the work he did, it was me who found you.” She inhaled deeply, as if finally relaxing. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

What am I gonna say to her? Rose thought. She returned the hug gently, so as not to alarm her. Think of something, think of something…

She pulled away slowly to look the young woman in the eyes, brown enough to remind her of– she stopped that thought in its tracks as soon as it started, even if the metaphorical knife between her ribs was already twisting. “Sweetheart, I…. I may not be who you think I am.”

The look in the teenager’s eyes changed in an instant. “Mum?” The single syllable was dripping with confusion.

But before Rose was forced to think of something else to say in this painfully awkward conversation, a lightbulb seemed to go off in the young girl’s eyes. As if sizing her up, she scanned Rose up and down, before nodding her head ever so slightly to herself.

“You’ve not just come by way of Ainchenn transport gun, have you?”

Rose shook her head carefully, brows knitting in confusion. How could a kid think to ask a question like that?

This too had a profound effect on the stranger. Her cheeks burnt bright red, her eyes flying down to her trainers.

“God , I’m so sorry. I’m, well, I’m Mia. I’m, um,” she paused, searching for the right words in this impossible situation. How to introduce yourself to the person who chose your name, raised you? “I am still your daughter though.” She cringed instantly. Great word choice.

Rose only quirked an eyebrow before the girl – Mia – started again.

“Sorry, sorry, that sounded insane too. What I mean is, well,” another pause, “you’re not from this time period, are you?”

At this, Rose grew deeply, genuinely confused. It was her turn to size up the person in front of her. How could a girl who scarcely looked old enough for high school know about time travel? Why would she?

“I’m not, no. I’m travelling, trying to get back to this man I used to travel with, called the –”

“The Doctor,” Mia finished in unison.

Rose’s heart set quick to pounding. “You know the Doctor?” She could tell her eyes were wide, her mouth hanging open, but she didn’t care. If this girl knew about the Doctor, she would take whatever she could get. She could feel the blood rushing hot through her veins.

Mia smiled, and nodded cautiously. “Yeah, like I said, I’m your daughter.”

Rose’s head span. What?

“What do you mean?”

Mia smiled sheepishly. “The Doctor and Rose Tyler are my parents. You’re Rose Tyler.”

Rose’s ears were ringing. The Doctor and Rose Tyler are my parents. She and the Doctor had a kid? She’d never even considered kids with him, let alone thought he might want to have some with her one day.

But if she were telling the truth…

And if she really was still in Pete’s World…

And Mia’s eyes did remind her of the Doctor’s.

Rose shook her head; the thought was insane. She needed to get a hold of herself.

She swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in her throat.

“How do you know about the Doctor?” she questioned again.

Mia bit her lip, deep in thought. Clearly this whole “knowing the Doctor” thing was a hang-up for her mum – makes sense if that’s the one thing that’s been kept out of her reach for the past few years.

Another lightbulb clicked on.

“Can I show you a picture?” When Rose didn’t show signs of dissenting, she pulled out her phone. “For us, your birthday was just last week, so we went out to dinner, the three of us. I can show you.”

Mia drifted into Rose’s personal space, where Rose practically vibrated with tension. She watched with rapt attention as Mia opened her messages, tapped a string titled “THE tylers” and then scrolled up a ways. She tried to read the messages as they flew past as fast as she could – the phrase “Grandma Jackie” stood out to her, and a text that read “so I’m still picking you up from school?” At last, Mia found what she was looking for, and tapped on the picture to let it fill the screen.

Rose’s heart stopped in her chest, her very breath freezing in her lungs.

There for her eyes to drink their fill was herself, squished between the young woman who stood before her and the Doctor. Right there, grinning so wide it could split his face, with his arm around Rose’s shoulders.

The Doctor.

She couldn’t help herself from lifting the phone from Mia’s hands to inspect it closer, or to quickly brush away the tear that had landed on the screen.

The face that she hadn’t seen in almost three years. Looking into the camera. Looking at her. She wanted to stand here and soak it up forever. She wanted to do whatever it took to be in that photo.

(As if flinging herself across universes wasn’t enough. If only it worked.)

Mia was finding it hard to be unaffected at the sight of her own mother being so distraught, no matter how far apart in time they were. Her own heart clenched at the way tears welled up and ran down her mother’s cheeks, unnoticed, because she was so entranced by the picture before her.

It was devastating. Hearing her parents, stupid, love-drunk as they were, talking about their time apart was one thing, but watching one of them trapped in the very middle of that heartbreak was something else entirely. Before she even realised she was doing it, Mia was searching for a way to fix this, to make it better.

She’d heard when she walked up that her mum was already planning on jumping back. Not reversing the transport gun like she’d thought, but jumping back. With the dimension cannon. Having her dad come over from wherever he was wouldn’t work. They might not have a lot of time.

A lightbulb didn’t flicker on this time so much as a neon sign above an all-night diner never really turns off.

“I can call him,” Mia suddenly heard herself say. Rose’s head snapped up, as if on a string that had been yanked. “If you want.”

Rose’s throat went dry. “Call him?” She blinked, tried to stand up straighter.

Mia nodded, unsure but hopeful. “Would that be okay? Would you like that?” Please say yes, she thought.

Rose nodded, trying to take hold of herself. “Yeah. Call him.” She tried to catch her breath. “Please.”

Her heart was pounding. It was like she’d just had ten shots of espresso, ran a marathon, and been awake for three days straight. In a few short moments, she was going to talk to the Doctor.

Rose delicately handed the phone back, treating it as if it were a newborn baby. As far as she was concerned, it was precious. She watched as Mia took it, navigated to the phone, and from the favourites list tapped on the contact titled Dad, followed by three banana emojis.

As it began to ring Mia brought it to her ear. The sound was deafening.

Make that eleven shots of espresso. She was going to throw up. The blare of the dial tone. She was going to pass out. She was going to–

“Hello, my ladybug,” a garbled – but unmistakable — voice said on the other end of the line.

The Doctor was on the other end of that phone call. It was all Rose could do not to break down into tears right there.

Mia felt suddenly winded. “Dad?”

“I’m here. Is everything okay?” It was so good to hear his voice. Why did she have tears in her eyes?

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Um, funny story, though.” Her eyes flickered nervously to her mum, who wasn’t so much looking at her as the phone pressed to her ear.

“Funny story in a good way, or a bad way?”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “You know how before Mum found you again, she jumped around to different places? Across, like, universes, and stuff?”

“I’m not likely to forget.” It was an attempt at cheek, but his suddenly sombre tone belied any humour.

Rose’s heart felt almost too big for her chest. She was going to explode. She was listening to the Doctor talk about what she was going through right now. He remembered. In whatever future he was in, he knew and he remembered because they were in that future together.

“Well, uhm.” Her voice picked up speed. “It’s not Mum now, it’s before she came back, she’s jumped here and she’s here and she wants to talk to you. She, uhm. She misses you.”

“What? ” Even without seeing him, both women could clearly picture the look of confusion on his face.

“I think she may have to –” she searched for the right word “-- go back soon, but I was thinking you could talk to her?”

Even from here, she could hear the gears turning in his mind.

“Can I give the phone to her?”

He came out of his stupor a little. “Yeah, yes, please. Thank you, Mia. You clever, clever girl.”

Mia looked up at Rose then, gently offering the phone towards her. Rose gazed back, as if she was being trusted with something too precious to be exchanged here, on this pavement beside the Thames, on a random over-bright day.

She brought the phone to her ear, ever so delicately.

“Rose?” the Doctor said.

She couldn’t help it.

She burst into tears.

“Rose, is that you?”

She tried to manage an affirmative mmhmm, she really did. But he was talking to her and she had missed him so much .

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry I’m not there with you right now.” The sound of his voice . She sobbed. “Are– are you alright?”

“I just–” She blew out a long breath. “I - I miss you.” The admission was enough to start her off again, her grief having finally found an outlet through which to pass freely; the water of the river finally crashing through the dam.

“I know,” he murmured, “I miss you too.”

And it was so terribly true, the Doctor thought to himself. Sitting alone at this table in a conference room at Torchwood, having spent the whole afternoon trying to find his wife. And she was looking for him too. His heart twisted and snarled in his chest, looking for something to close around, aching to be with her. No matter the time or the place. They were always trying to find their way back to each other.

Another sob breaking through her almost destroyed him. He’d spent (too much) time since opening his eyes to this new existence now more than twenty-some years ago, thinking about all the ways he wished he could have been there for her when she was doing this – jumping from universe to universe, no end in sight and no reason to hope, with the weight of all of creation and then some on her shoulders. All alone.

All but for this stolen reprieve.

“You are so brave, my precious, brilliant girl. I am so lucky being able to talk to you right now, to tell you that it’s all going to be okay. Because it is. I’m proof, and so is Mia.” Rose resigned all hope of reigning in her tears. Her eyes flickered up to Mia at the mention, who was watching her nervously but tried for a reassuring smile at the eye contact. She offered her mum a little thumbs up.

“We have a daughter, Rose.”

Even though he knew it, and had known it, and had revelled in the joy of it for more than fifteen years, the Doctor still found himself suddenly misty-eyed. “Every single joy in the universe lives in her, and in you, because you found your way back to me. I promise, you are so close to this nightmare being over, okay? I promise. Even though I’m not with you now physically, I’m always with you. My Fortuna.”

Her breath shuttered and halted and rushed back in. My Fortuna.

“Can I ask, when you’ve just come from?”

She cleared her throat and tried to take a steadying breath. She was going to find her way back to him. The thought overwhelmed her every sense. She was blind, unseeing in the dark, except for this one flicker of light she could now crawl towards.

“My birthday’s just gone, too. Just over a month ago now. 2008.”

The Doctor couldn’t help the short gasp he let out. If it was almost June 2008, then she really was close to this nightmare being over.

“Is – is that good?” Nervous.

She could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, could picture it stretching his cheeks and shining like the sun. “Yes . I know I don’t need to tell you we’re toeing the proverbial laws-of-time line as it is already, but you are so close. You’re in the home stretch.”

A bomb could have just gone off, from the way her ears were ringing. The home stretch. She was in the home stretch and she was going to find him again and one day she’d be able to see the smile she could now only hear.

With cruel irony, her dimension cannon beeped at her side. A computer’s voice announced, “two minutes until shift.”

Damn that stupid cannon and these stupid universes and her stupid luck.

“It feels like I’m never gonna find you,” she whispered. Her darkest secret.

His heart twisted and shattered and broke. He missed her. He needed her. He loved her.

“You will, I promise you will.” He bit down on his lip. The Doctor was and always had been a fixer, but this was a moment where he couldn’t and had no choice; resigned to being a passenger as time ran its unrepentant course. But there was one thing he still hadn’t told her that he wished she knew.

Well, fuck it.

“I’m not going to rob you of any moments you have yet to experience, and there are going to be a lot of good ones,” he chuckled to himself, “but, well, there is something I want you to know. Do you remember the last time we spoke, on the beach?”

Rose Tyler, I- . As if she could ever forget. Pain twisted in her chest, sharp and stinging.

“Yeah,” she breathed out.

The Doctor took a deep breath. “You told me something. Something I don’t take lightly. And I want, need you to know, that… you’re everything to me. You have given me happiness more infinite than I could have ever dreamed of. You are the centre of my universe. You are my heart. I… I care for you more than I can say. Do –” he felt suddenly worried, worried that this opportunity might be lost, that she wouldn’t know, that she was doomed to suffer this next month in the dark, that she had never known until that second time on the beach; not at the Game Station, or Krop Tor, or— “Do you know what I’m trying to say?”

Rose’s tears were hot against her cheeks, her chest heavy with longing. She wanted to run until she found him, and rest with him in her soul at the crack of dawn after this long, long night.

He loved her.

“Yes, Doctor. Of course I do, I do too, I–”

The phone, suddenly without someone to hold it up, fell offensively to the ground. The way it laid there, staring unblinking into the sun against the pavement, was almost violent.

“Rose? Rose?!”

Mia picked the phone up gingerly.

“She disappeared, Dad.”

His head was full of static. His thoughts were rushing and all he could hear was the crash of a wave just about to take him under.

Of course I do. I do too, she had said.

He let out a breath, devastated and relieved as realisation struck like lightning to every one of his nerves.

Oh.

Oh.

She knows.

[shoutogepi]

As Long as You’re Safe

Bakugou Katsuki

word count : 2.1k smol boi (blurb!)

[ ☁︎, ☀︎ ]  

themes : Soooo not really sure what to call this?? Kinda angst?? But super fluff ending :3

blurb : They are fighting a villain who has the ability to see into their opponent’s memories, and also convey scenarios and images into their opponent’s mind, making them feel like real life. The villain accesses their memories of you, and realizes that that is a very weak spot.

author’s note : idk i felt like I needed a fluff sponge to clean up that nasty first post haha so heres my best janitorial work!

    ─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

🅃he air whipped past Bakugou’s face, eyes turning into venomous slits as he finally was able to see the villain he had been called in to handle. He had been on patrol on the other side of the area, but when his sidekick didn’t respond to his messages, a gut feeling had urged him to come as backup. The agency had called when he was already halfway there, confirming his suspicion.

This was the guy? Tch. Bakugou snarled at the thought of this wimp being able to beat, well, anyone. The guy was slender and looked like he had almost no muscle or body fat. But he had to have a good quirk if he had taken out a handful of people already, so Bakugou regarded him with careful contempt. The explosions in his palms stopped as he fell from the third story of the building he’d been perched on, hurtling toward the ground.

“Hey asshole,” Bakugou yelled as his boots touched the pavement of the sidewalk. He stretched his palms in a wicked manner, cracking his neck in a swift motion.

The villain turned, a look of disgruntled annoyance simmering to the surface of his face. A malicious smile overtook his thin lips, and a glint in his eye made Bakugou growl. The man faced him directly now, and the terrified pedestrian he had been toying with sobbed as they ran towards the safety of the crowd gathering a respectable distance away. Bakugou grimaced as he noticed the limp body of his sidekick, sat up against one of the storefront’s flower barrels with closed eyes and a pained expression. From just a glance, he could tell they were alive… but they probably didn’t feel too great.

“Ground Zero,” the spindly man smiled, but to Bakugou it looked more like he was baring his teeth like a rabid dog. “How nice of you to grace me with your presence! I didn’t know little old me could pull in a top hero.”

Bakugou barked a short laugh. “You only got me ‘cause of sheer luck, dumbass. I have no clue who you think you are, but you’re about to be very well acquainted,” he paused, rolling his right wrist for dramatic effect,” with my fists.” 

He expected a range of reactions from the villain. He had been doing this pro-hero gig for awhile now, so he’d learned the ropes-- and this guy didn’t seem like the type to have an ass-whooping quirk, so he could most likely afford to physically attack.

“Now that is an interesting game plan, Bakugou,” the villain stated, voice dripping with rancor. His words shocked Bakugou for a moment, and just as a thought formed in his mind, the slender man vocalized it. “Oh shit, this fucker can read me like a book,” the man paused, an amused smile on his face,” wow, you have quite a way with words.”

“Tch. I don’t care if you’re in my head asswipe, ‘cause your skull is about to be crushed into the ground,” Bakugou replied, foot planting behind himself and getting ready to pounce.

“Hmm, are you sure? Will you treat me roughly?” the man continues seamlessly, making Bakugou’s eyes widen in confusion. Treat him rough? Who the hell does this guy think he is? Was he hitting on him? The villain’s smile only broadened, the sneer on his mouth flushing Bakugou’s stomach with dread. “At least, as rough as your girlfriend likes it?”

Bakugou’s mouth dried at his words, body stuttering as he processed the them. Why the fuck was this freak talking about Y/N?

“Y/N, yes-- what an extravagant creature. I wouldn’t have pegged her as someone who likes to be choked. Are you sure you can handle fighting me? It seems like you had an exhausting night, and rest is important for the body.”

Bakugou’s breath is stolen out of his lungs, his wide eyes turning into furious crescents at the villain’s words. That was private! The villain’s words automatically triggered his memory, even if he was trying his best to push the image away. You, underneath him last night, shaking and whimpering and making that irresistible expression as he fucked you raw. A light blush bloomed on his cheeks at the recollection, but he shoved it away as fast as he could. His eyes met the villain’s again, but this time, the shadowy figure’s features had morphed into a terrifying grin, eyes bulging out of his skull with disgusting delight.

“Oh, thank you so much for sharing that with me. Maybe I’ll try out choking her myself!” he laughed, voice oozing with excitement as he wrung his hands together.

Bakugou snapped out of his surprised state, shaking his head and clenching his eyes shut. He just had to wreck his loser and then he could go home to you.

Nothing could prepare him for what happened next. He looked back up at the villain, and his stomach plummeted fifty meters into the concrete below him as he registered the horrific scene.

The villain was standing in the exact same spot, but he had his arms wrapped around your throat. You were trapped in his hold, big desperate eyes full of tears that slid down your cheeks and fingers clawing futilely at his hold. You were wearing that maroon lingerie from last anniversary that drove Bakugou wild, your hair clinging to your wet chin as you sobbed. The noise was enough to make Bakugou’s knees shake, his heart felt like it had leapt into his throat.

“S-Suki,” you whimpered, slicing his heart into two.

Bakugou’s lips trembled at your cry, his hands clenching into fists at his side. His voice was much softer now, and he was surprised to find it didn’t break,” Let her go.” His feet planted square, he stared down the villain with a burning determination, steam practically pouring out of his nostrils.

“Now where’s the fun in that?” the man chided, one hand leaving your delicate throat and sliding down your chest. Bakugou’s fingernails broke into the flesh of his palms as the villain’s hand ran over your breast, lingering there as he gauged Bakugou’s reaction. The choked sob that came from you made Bakugou see red.

Bakugou stepped forward but immediately regretted it as the villain’s hand on your throat turned white. He watched in horror as you sputtered, face turning pink at the exertion of wriggling in his hold, grasping at his hand to no avail. “Stop! Please!” he yelled, throwing his hands up in front of him and taking a step back.

“Ground Zero!” Bakugou’s eyes hesitantly left your figure for a moment, trying to find the source of the shout. It sounded like someone was calling him, but from somewhere far away… or like he was underwater. He looked around, realizing the crowd of onlookers had vanished, and the unconscious body of his sidekick was gone as well. Actually, you three were the only people on the busy Japan street.

Just like that, the gears click into place. Looking back at the villain, his rage bubbling inside, he snarled and pushed his body off the pavement, explosions dancing on his palms to seal the gap swiftly.

The villain looked irritated at being found out, but that didn’t stop him from snapping your neck. Bakugou tried not to look at you, but the thought that you had been real just a moment ago made his chest tight as your gaze glazed over and your body slumped to the ground. He screamed as he drew back his fist, concentrating his power on his hand just as it connected with the spindly man’s jaw. His head flew backwards, a sick crack sounding as his body was flung into the air behind him.

Bakugou landed on his feet, and braced himself for a second as he closed his eyes. Not real, not real, she is not real. Opening his eyes, he looked at the spot your crumpled body should have been, only to find that it was empty. He breathed out a sigh of relief, attention sliding back to the unconscious villain in the middle of the road. He ignored the cheers erupting from the crowd behind him, feet moving on their own accord toward the villain’s figure to finish the job.

It was hell waiting to get back to you. Bakugou had to wait for the police to show up and take the loser off his hands, then he had to pretend he was fine and sign a thousand autographs, and then to top it all off, he had to take his damn sidekick back to the agency across town. The suspense was killing him. Even if he knew that it was stupid… a small, okay-- maybe large-- part of him needed you in his arms, and to know you were truly alright.

After he was done with the agency, he nearly ran all the way home. Using his quirk to shoot himself through the starry cityscape, the wind rushing through his hair, his chest still felt just as tight as it did earlier. It seemed like an eternity had passed as he finally planted his feet on the sidewalk, hand grabbing the main entrance door and nearly ripping it off its hinges. The security guard barely had time to recognize him and buzz him in, and he sure as hell didn’t bother with a “good evening”. He beelined past the elevator, instead opting to dart into the stairwell and propel himself up to the sixteenth floor with his quirk.

His legs couldn’t carry him fast enough, and he dashed through the hallway with urgency. His eyes finally landing on the door, he prayed it was unlocked because he really did not want to blast through the lock but damn it, he might just have to. He nearly cried as he jiggled the door handle, confirming his fear. His palm on the metal handle, he closed his eyes and wondered if you would kill him for blasting through another locksmith’s fine work.

But then the handle turned ninety degrees, and the door cracked open to reveal your bare face, hair looking frazzled as you blinked at him.

“Suki!” your plump lips split into a joyous grin and Bakugou’s soul almost left his body in sheer relief. You pulled him into the apartment, shutting the door behind him and wrapping your soft arms around his torso. “I was so worried about you! I saw the end of your fight on the news, are you okay?”

Bakugou couldn’t say any words, his throat felt thick and his eyes stung as he crushed you into his chest. His head hanging down to sniff your precious head, his lungs rattled as he tried not to burst into tears. You fit so perfectly in his arms, he couldn’t help but thank the universe that you’re safe, and you’re here, holding onto him tightly as he barely kept it together.

You frowned at his silence, but you decided to comfort him anyway because he seemed like he really needed it. Your fingers brushed along his spine as he clutched onto you, gathering his emotions. You weren’t used to seeing him so choked up, but you knew there must be some reason as to why he’s so silent. “It’s okay, baby,” you whispered, making a small sigh fall from his lips.

He finally looked you in the eye, and your stomach fluttered with butterflies at his expression. “I love you, Y/N,” he mumbled, warm hands taking your face and pressing your lips to his. You hummed happily against his mouth, hands lacing behind his neck in compliance. He pulled away, one last shred of doubt left to address. “Are you okay?” he inquired quietly, almost bashfully. His gaze was directed to the collar of your shit that his thumb was playing with, and you took his jaw in your hands to make him look at you.

His scarlet eyes looked so concerned and scared, your heart ached for him. “Of course I’m okay Katsuki,” you answered, looking at him deeply,” I have you to protect me!” A small smile adorned your lips as your nails scratch gently at his scalp. “Are you okay, my love?”

One corner of his mouth quirked up adorably as he tried to put on his brave face for you. “I’m okay,” he whispered, eyes closing as his lips touched your forehead gently,” as long as you’re safe.”

    ─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

masterlist (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 

please stop by and say hi!! i’d love any feedback <3 thanks for reading!!

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐢 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

[nakedmossy]

Depth Over Distance - Part One [Rudy x Reader]

[A/N: I haven’t found a hometown Rudy fic yet soooo I wrote one. I have no idea where this story is going to go and I’m honestly finding it hard to get out of writing JJ and get into writing Rudy, but here we go anyways. I wanted to write something where the reader and Rudy were hometown friends before he moved to LA, and to explore the idea of how that would change/what it would look like when he comes back. Get ready for a S L O W. B U R N. my dudes. Peace and love, Mossy x]

The sky was grey and the air was wet - it had been raining for 4 days straight. You sat in your car with the heat cranked, your window down slightly so that the humidity didn’t fog up your mirrors. Living on the Alaskan coast was beautiful most of the time but horrible some of the time, especially when you had to waste gas just keeping warm and dry at 6pm in the beginning of ‘Summer’. 

You had never lived anywhere else aside from the summer you spent in Vancouver with your cousin when you were 19. Now, at 23, you were working full time at the local bookshop that was an 8 minute drive from your house in the winter and a 20 minute walk/skate in the summer. Your car was parked street side, waiting for your friend Lizzy to finish her shift at the cafe. The smell of the rain and the Ben Howard song on the radio made you nostalgic about the times you and your friends from high school had spent hours skating down these streets, beers in your backpacks, no helmets, dirty shoes and clothes, no pressure, no responsibilities, no cell service...no worries. 

Since graduation a lot of your friends had moved out of town, either to Anchorage or down to Washington, or further south. Your best friend Lizzy had stayed close to home, helping run her families business and working part time at the cafe. You had stayed local too...your dad owned a fishing guide business and your mom was an admin assistant for the MD in town, but neither made enough to cover all the medical bills you had racked up over the last few years. You figured once the debt was paid off you might leave...but you had no idea where you would go. 

You missed all of your friends, but you missed the boys the most, aside from Lizzy you didn't have a lot of female friends, and your boys had been like brothers to you. You spoke to most of them every few weeks on FaceTime, except Rudy. He had gone to LA for awhile and had kept in touch loosely, but after the first few months he started to drift. 

You felt the loss the hardest for Rudy. He had been your closest friend the longest, you had spent nearly every day of every summer together since you were 9, and every school year you worked the same part time job at the seafood restaurant on the water. Now, the last you heard, he was coming back for the summer to ‘reconnect’. You had low expectations and tried not to let yourself get excited, but truthfully, you wanted him to spend some time at home and be around his own kind again - he had always been a homebody and you were worried that being gone for 4 years would go to his head or change him.

Lizzy tapped on the glass, causing you to blink out of your reverie and smile at her. You rolled the window down and let her reach in and open the door from the inside (the handle had been broken since high school). She threw her backpack and skateboard in the back seat, climbing in and closing her door.

“Ugh.” She grunted as her teeth chattered and she rubbed her bare legs. 

“You know its only May, you shouldn’t even be wearing shorts yet. The snow just melted.”

Lizzy glared at you playfully and put her hand out to do your handshake. You did it, then put the car in drive and started slowly down the street, windshield wipers moving rhythmically.

“How was the shift?” You asked as you checked your mirrors and wiped some humidity off the rear view. 

“Same old” Lizzy leaned back in her seat and pulled the visor mirror down to fix her hair. “That old man Collins from the cannery keeps coming in and harassing me.”

“Jack? The one with the eye patch?” 

Lizzy nodded dramatically as she held the bobby pins in her mouth and started to twist her straight black hair off her face. 

“That guy-“ She finished placing the final pin and slammed the visor closed “-Is an absolute creep.”

You snorted a sarcastic laugh and rolled your eyes.

“He’s like...70. And widowed. Don’t be rude.”

“I’m not being rude. Im just...asserting my boundaries.”

“You literally have a 3 foot counter between you at minimum, at all times.” You looked over at her and raised your eyebrows.

“Whatever. All I’m saying is we need hotter men in this town. Like...soon.”

You nodded in agreement and felt your eyes wander all over the road, remembering the time you and Rudy had taken your longboards down it after a torrential downpour and you had crashed and gotten such bad road burn that he had to call his dad to come pick you both up because you couldn’t walk.

“Hey, Y/N, are you listening?” Lizzy cut back in, staring at you.

“No, what?”

“I said, speaking of hot guys, I heard Rudy is coming back for a few months.”

You pinched your face and looked at her then at the road, then back at her.

“Rudy is not hot. Rudy is....Rudy. What are you talking about?”

Lizzy looked at you disbelieving and closed her mouth, trying not to smile.

“What!” You repeated, smacking her arm.

“Hey!” She laughed, then shook her head and looked out the window. “Whatever you say man, I just think....” She grabbed her water bottle and began to screw off the lid “I just think...he’s not gonna be the same Rudy that left 4 years ago. He’s like...a movie star now.”

You couldn’t even begin to touch that one. You knew what she was doing...she was always harping on you about going on dates or taking trips with her to the mainland to hook up with the pilots during their layovers. You never went, and always insisted that you were just fine and were not interested. She never listened. Part of that was true...you were fine, and usually not interested. But sometimes, when the water was calm and the sunset was colourful and the fish were jumping and your beer was cold...you wished you had someone to share it with.

“I’m going up to Skagway this weekend with my dad” You said, changing subjects. “He’s short a guide and needs someone to drive the boat.”

“Lucky you” She said sarcastically, screwing the lid back on her bottle. “Another weekend spent with men twice your age who have zero ability to catch a fish and even less ability to smell nice.” 

“It’s good money.” You said flatly, annoyed that everything seemed to revolve around men with her. “And in case you forgot I’m kinda in need of that at the moment.”

Lizzy licked her lips and put her hands up, dipping her head. 

“Alright...noted. Chill out Kemosabe.” She giggled under her breath and looked out her window, drawing a small penis in the moisture on the window.

“Babe, seriously. You need to get laid.” You said, shaking your head.

“I know” She replied, working on the veins. “Trust me. Im in a state of national emergency by this time of year.”

Lizzy was absolutely one of the girliest girls (and most beautiful girls) in the south of Alaska, which was ironic considering the house she grew up in. Her dad was an overweight German restaurant entrepreneur who had opened a world class seafood restaurant in Juneau back in the 90s and had shacked up with her mother who was this drop dead gorgeous Haida warrior woman who you had literally seen kill and skin a bear with her own hands. 

They had forged this chain of restaurants local to Alaska that people flew hundreds of miles to eat at, but still lived in an off-grid cabin that hadn’t been insulated since 1960 and used wood heating. Not really the type of family that screamed southern belle femininity - yet somehow Lizzy came out of that union with a pink bed set, refusing to ever wear camo or sweatpants, and still had never shot a gun - which her mother reminded her of weekly. 

Lizzy had hit puberty at 10 and had used her breast advantage over every girl in your class for the next 3 years like some sort of distinction of better genetics, as if she needed boobs to prove that. Unlike you, she was naturally thin and tall (6ft to be precise), had long, thick straight black hair and olive skin, and perfect hips. You felt like a prepubescent boy standing next to her, with your uneven complexion and your frizz and your awkward thigh fat distribution. You were envious of her genetics - her mother graced her with the body of an athlete and the thick black hair, and her father had given her height and cheekbones that could slice through glass. You looked down at your arms, covered in freckles, pasty white from lack of sun, and cringed, looking back at the road.

You turned the corner leaving the main road and starting on the dirt road that led to your favourite part of beach access. Lizzy pulled her hoodie out of her backpack and took off her seatbelt, leaning forward to pull it down over her head. You leaned forward and looked up, this was your favourite part of the drive. The dirt road which was lined with moss and ferns and other foliage wound along the base of the snow capped mountain that was at least 1000ft in elevation. The mist and fog from the coast was thick and creeped through the tall cedar trees, black ravens and falcons flying overhead stark against the white mist. This was the most idyllic picture of northwest coastal living you could find.

When you parked at the trail head Lizzy slipped off her work flats and into her Teva’s, you grabbed your yellow Vans out of your trunk and slipped them on. You usually drove bare foot, a habit you had started in high school after Rudy had thrown your shoes off the dock at the restaurant and you had to drive home without any. You grabbed your sweater and your backpack which had the beer in it. As you were both gathering the rest of your things...beach blanket, hats, and rain cover, you heard a car pull up behind you. You stood up out of the trunk and squinted to see the car through the fog. It was a black ford pickup you had never seen before. 

“Who’s that?” Lizzy chimed in from behind you.

“No clue” You said as you lifted your hand to wave once. 

The truck had tinted windows and looked brand new. When it pulled up beside you, the drivers side window began to unroll, revealing Junior - your high school (ex) sweetheart.

“Holy” You said, eyebrows up, nodding. “Nice truck - where’d you steal it from?” He rolled his eyes at you dramatically.

“Whatever kid - its a rental. Got it to drive to the airport in.” His chest puffed out and his expression read so proud. 

“Airport?” You said inquisitively. “Since when does Alan pay you to drive new trucks to the airport?” 

“Since Rudy hired him for the pick up service and apparently is incapable of driving his own ass around anymore” Junior snorted and waved at Lizzy.

“Or he doesn’t have a car here anymore” You noted, rolling your eyes at him.

“Either way, I get this bad boy for the next 24 hours and I intend to give her the royal grand tour of our humble town.” He ran his hand up and down the steering wheel, stroking the new leather. “Wanna go for a rip?” He said, winking. You shook your head and crossed your arms over your chest. 

“Well I do” Lizzy piped up from beside you, walking closer to the window. She smiled at Junior and began to put her hair in a pony tail. She nudged your arm as she began to walk to the passenger side door. “Come on, granny. Let’s go!”

She laughed as she climbed up into the truck, but you shook your head again.

“I’m good...you kids have fun. Say hi to Rudy for me” You said to Junior, who shrugged his head and muttered ‘definitely wont do that’ under his breath.

Lizzy blew a kiss at you and waved once before Junior put it in drive and started to go up the dirt road north of you. 

Junior and you had ended on okay terms, but he had concocted a theory that you had broken up with him because of another guy, and the unspoken suggestion was that that guy had been Rudy. Small town guys had a heck of a time with the idea of girls and guys just being friends. 

You sighed and watched as the truck disappeared around the corner, and turned back to your own car. You grabbed your backpack and slammed the trunk closed, walking down the path alone. You weren’t mad at Lizzy for going with him - she was flighty and bailed on you at the bar all the time - but you were mad the beer was going to go warm before you could drink it all. Not that you should even be drinking 6 beers alone by the water when you had to drive yourself home. Doubtful the 2 cops in this town would even be awake to see you though. Whatever.

You reached the end of the path and rounded the corner, revealing the coast line and the rocky beach. It was your favourite place to sit and think, sit and smoke, sit and be yourself. The beach curled in a U shape, giving you a private spot where the rest of the shoreline was blocked from view and all you could see was the ominous cedar forest that stretched up the mountain, the snow caps at the top, and the horizon over the cold pacific.

You had intended to share the joint you had in your pocket with Lizzie, but...well, her loss. You spread the blanket out on the softest patch of sand and rocks you could find (which still meant you were guaranteed to get at least 2 rocks in the ass) and placed your bag down, kicking off your sneakers. You took a deep breath for the first time in a few days and lit the joint, taking one long, deep inhale. You felt it tingle through your chest and your arms and legs almost immediately, relaxing you. Being here alone always sent you into a spiral of memories and thoughts that you worked hard during the day to suppress. Most insistent lately had been thoughts about your health problems. You called them ‘health problems’ but in reality it was just an eating disorder. You could go 2, sometimes 3 days without eating anything, and never felt hungry. It started after graduation.

You had lost weight, dramatically, going from a stable 120-125 to 95 at most and 90 at worst, in the span of a month. And for the next three years you had never gained it back, you had stayed at a relatively stable 95, which still left you looking sickly and too thin at 5’3”. Your frame wasn’t built for that kind of weight drop, you were Scottish and Cree, sprinkled with a little bit of German and Irish. A classic northwest cracker mix. You weren’t naturally small, you always had a bit of something to grab onto, but it was normal to your body, healthy. 

Some part of your brain knew that it had something to do with leaving school...and the pretence that came with that. The expectation...the responsibility. You were never that kind of person, and it never really bothered you, but suddenly it had. You never planned to go to University right away, but you had no back up plan. It wasn't something you and your friends really talked about. But suddenly Jacob had gotten into U of Washington, Dan had left to backpack Europe, and Rudy had not so graciously announced he was deferring his acceptance and scholarship to culinary school because he wanted to be an actor, and flew to LA the next month. You had been left behind, with Lizzy of all people, and it had hit you hard.

You looked around the beach, dragging on your joint quicker than normal, trying to knock the thoughts out of your head. An Eagle screeched above - scaring you - and you laid back on the blanket, closing your eyes. You needed to chill the hell out. This was the first time in a few weeks that you had gotten a night off from helping your dad with his guide business and you didn’t plan on wasting it riddling your brain with anxiety and worrying about your body.

You looked up at the sky and watched the mist and fog kiss the clouds, the sunset colours dancing across them. As it usually did, the rain had stopped just as the sun was going down, the clouds parting briefly and letting the smallest sliver of sunlight through, just enough to burn the grey light out of the sky and allow the pink and orange hues to fade along the horizon. You sat up and cracked a beer, enjoying the fresh smelling air and the rhythmic sound of the waves licking the shore line. 

Two beers in you had put on your jacket and placed your Bluetooth speaker next to you on the blanket, blasting a playlist that Rudy had made you for your graduation party.

Three beers in you took the jacket off, standing up and dancing by yourself on the beach to the music.

Four beers in you laid down on the blanket, balled your jacket up and used it as a pillow, and started looking for shapes in the stars.

Five beers in you fell sleep.

———

Many hours later, as the sun rose and was bright on the water and the early morning bird feed was in full swing overhead, you were drifting in and out of sleep to the squawking when a shadow came across your face, alerting you to groggily open your eyes.

“What’s up, Little Fern?” His voice had gotten deeper. Wait, what?

You opened your eyes and blinked, raising a hand to block the sun. There, in your very awake and very not dreaming state, was the unmistakable silhouette that you had spent the last 18 years dreaming about and 18 years being a friend to.

Rudy.

[hey-sunshines]

Preference for them proposing? Also if you don’t mind I would love if you could include Tim, Curly, Angela and Cherry. It’s alright if you don’t want to write the lesbian relationships, I get some peeps aren’t comfy with that. Happy pride tho!

OOOOO I’ve been thinking about this for awhile so thank you for giving me a reason to post this!

As far as the lesbian relationships, I don’t mind writing for them at all! All for all kinds of love! But for full disclosure, I am a straight CIS gendered female and I’ve only been in a relationship with a man, so if there is some nuances that I don’t get/understand, please let me know. I want to learn about the LGBT+ so I can support them fully!

Darry: He would propose with his mom’s ring. Of course, Soda and Pony wanted it too, but Soda and Pony came to the same conclusion that after all of the years that Darry gave up his own live to take care of his brothers (like going to post-secondary or having any real life of his own), it was the only way that Soda and Pony could really pay him back. I don’t think he would date that much the first year or two after his parents died, as he’s so worried about getting things right with taking care of his brothers and doesn’t want them taken away. He is also nervous about finding someone to understand his situation. He probably wouldn’t want to get married until Pony is off at university at least. Since he didn’t have to save up for a ring, he saved up a little for the wedding itself and for a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. He always tried his best to give you nice things/take you out to nice meals, but money was tight and it didn’t happen often. But he was going to make this night special and make you feel like the Queen you are in his eyes. He wears a nice suit, picks up a bouquet of your favourite flowers and goes to pick you up at  your place. He is so shy and jumpy the whole dinner, although he knows  you’ll say yes (getting married was something you two have talked about before, because Darry likes a game plan/hates surprises) he’s still nervous to ask. You know he’s off his game, but you can’t  pinpoint what’s wrong and you know he’ll tell you when he’s ready. The whole dinner goes smoothly, with candles and flowers on the table. Right before the dessert arrives, Darry gets down on one knee. He gives this speech about how much he loves you and how you’ve made him a better person, especially over the last few years, and how he wants to spend the rest of his life growing  together. He struggles to get through parts of it because he’s stuttering/rushing through parts of it because he’s so nervous.

Soda: Soda wouldn’t wait as long to get into the dating game as Darry (although he does take some time after Sandy), but he does wait until Pony is done school to propose, as he makes it when he says he wants help Darry out with the bills. He was not as well planned out as Darry. He still wants/tries to make it romantic, but Darry is the type of person to plan things out and Soda is not. He goes and buys as best of a ring as he can afford and proposes that same night. He takes you to the place that you first met, he picks some flowers from a field near by and when he gets on one knee, he talks about wanting to go on adventures with you for the rest of his life.

Pony: I always imagine he meets someone while away at university/college and that he proposes at graduation/the graduation party that the gang. He wants to make both of your special days even more special and wants to share the moment with the people he loves most in the world. He spends a lot of time picking out a ring and planning the perfect proposal. He talks to your best friend to find out the type of rings/jewelry you like, so that he can get something that you like. He writes out a long speech of what he wants proposes. He practices with Soda and Darry for months because he is a little cinnamon bun who wants to make the proposal as perfect and as romantic as possible. (I can just see Darry and Soda rolling their eyes by the end of the month because they’re so tired of hearing him practice). Darry and Soda go all out decorating the place to make it look nice, telling the rest of the gang and you that it’s for the graduation party, but it’s really for the proposal. They even convince the gang to look presentable, because “this is a graduation party, you idiots, I know you haven’t been to one before, but look like you have.” Darry helps Pony look his best beforehand, helping him with his tie and such and Soda gets the camera ready, because he’ll be damned if he isn’t going to put the proposal picture on the wall next to Pony’s graduation pictures. It ends up going just who Pony plans it and he gets his whole speech out perfectly, despite Two-bit and Dally heckling a little towards the end of his very long speech.

Two Bit: He ends up getting his younger sister to help him pick out the ring, because he isn’t the best at jewelry. He takes you to see a funny movie on a Saturday night. He isn’t drunk by the end of the night like he usually is, because he wants to make the night special and remember this moment for the rest of his life. He makes promises to you to improve when it comes to drinking and makes jokes all the way throughout his proposal. But when he actually got to asking you the question, he’s the serious he’s ever been.

Steve: He tries to act cool and nonchalant about the whole thing, but really he is soooo nervous. Soda had to hype him up before he goes out to propose to you. He tries to make the proposal very personal, talking about all his happiest memories with you leading up to proposing to you. He got Soda to help print off a bunch of pictures from throughout your relationship so that he could frame them and put them around the room for when he proposes. 

Dallas: He proposes with one of his own rings, as he wants you to wear a piece of him always. yes it’s more manly ring, but it meant a lot to him and to you. He doesn’t make a big deal about the proposal, as he’s not as into romance as some of the others are. It’s not that he doesn’t want to make it special, but romance and gushy stuff doesn’t come naturally. He proposed in bed after sex and cuddling together. Think My Big Fat Greek Wedding style. He barries his face in the blankets after asking because he’s blushing so hard and doesn’t want you to see. He’s so excited when you say yes, that he doesn’t  let you go all night. 

Johnny: He’s so sweet and a little cinnamon bun. He takes the day off work and decorates the apartment with fairy lights and tea candles and flowers and flower petals. He makes you a nice dinner. He cleans himself up, slicks back his hair, and puts on his nicest cloths. He’s so nervous when you get home and see the decorations. You gush over it, but also start asking if you forgot something (”is it our anniversary? “is it one of our birthday”). But he just kept saying that he just wanted to make you feel special. When he finally got to asking you, he stutters and kept saying he doesn’t deserve you, but he loves you and wants to do everything he can to deserve you. You have to tell him multiple times that he does deserve you and you’re lucky to have him.

Tim: Like Dallas, he gives you one of his rings and doesn’t make a huge deal about it. He talks about it with his brother and sister for a little bit beforehand though because he is nervous. He takes you for a drive out to hill to watch the sunset and ask you while sitting in the car watching the sunset.

Curly. He hadn’t planned it and he hadn’t bought a ring, although he did genuinely want to marry you . You two were arguing. You were pushing him to take your relationship the next level/for him to take your relationship more seriously because you two had been dating for like 5 or 6 years and were tired of not moving forward. He finally yelled out “fine, lets get married” at which point there’s like 30 seconds of silence. You two go together the next day to get the ring.

Angela: She bought a basic ring, as neither of you were flashy people. She wasn’t sure when she would propose, so she carried the ring with her for awhile, just in case the perfect moment came up. Eventually it did, when the two of you were star gazing and the conversation turned to the future and you were talking about all the things you wanted to do. When you asked her what she wanted to do, she said, “I don’t know exactly what but I do know that I wanted to do it with you” bringing out the ring and proposing to you.

Cherry: Because she’s from a wealthier family, she had bought a really nice ring and teken you for a nice weekend vacation resort. THe day is planned out perfectly with romantic events, such as boat rides and swimming. It is topped off with a sunset horseback ride along a trail that ended on top of a large hill/small mountain. She brought a picnic dinner with flowers and the works (well as much as she can fit on a horse if that makes sense). She finally asks you after you two have finished eating and watching the sunset, cuddling up on the blanket together. 

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Twenty-Three, “Bleeding Heart”

hello hello. i’m so sorry that i’m an awful person and i haven’t written in a bahillion years. life has been wack and i fell out of writing for awhile. instead of doing homework like a good human being - yay! - i found this chapter i had started and i finished it. it’s not as long as usual, i know, but i did that on purpose and you’ll see why ;) ;) ;) ;) i hope i can write some more soon and stick with this. i’m unreliable i know and i’m terribly sorry. college and work are crazy and my mom was just diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancers soooo oooo life truly is crazy and overwhelming rn. i hope to maybe set aside some time each night to write, but it’s hard to stop when it’s getting fun haha. i enjoyed writing this chapter and delving more into this story, like idek where it’s gonna go haha.

anyways lemme know what you think of this chapter. i wanna hear your predictions and thoughts!!!!!!!!! reblog, like, share with friends, say hi to me :) 

one last thing. we should decide a ship name for harry and becks, i mean it’s been coming. here are my ideas and feel free to send me others :D 

a) hecks (my personal fav) 

b) barry (i just think of rachel’s barry from FRIENDS but it’s ok) 

c) hebecca????

d) ??????

e) hecky?

“No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO.

I try to breathe in, but I can’t.

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore.” 

The swarm of voices that crowded my ears from before is now gone. A soft chatter of voices occupies the conference room now, around an hour after the festivities had begun. Now the fun is over and the last few of us clean up the forgotten plates, take down the streamers donning the walls, push in the chairs, vacuum up the crumbs, and everything else required to return the room to its former glory. 

“Hey, you stop that,” somebody says from behind me. “This was yer party, yer not s’posed to be cleaning it up,” they finish as I turn around to find Harry pushing a lock of hair out of his eyes as he grasps a wet rag in the other hand. 

“No, I want to help. Please,” I reply, turning back to the table and picking up the spray bottle. I spritz the plastic top and run the wet rag over the spot, repeating in sections until I finish the table. 

“Fine, I guess you can help,” Harry huffs and I smile to myself in triumph as I return to my cleaning. “So, what did ya think?” 

“It was a lot of fun and very nice of all of you, thank you so much again,” I tell him trying to circumvent having a conversation. I move to the other end of the table as he begins on the next one over. 

A few male coworkers fold up the table to my left and carry it out the door, probably to place back in storage. My eyes life to find Harry leaning over the table he scrubs and he must notice my pause because he meets my eyes. But I can’t look at him, not today. 

“I’m glad ya had such a good time, ‘m sure everybody else did too . . Everybody’s going t’ miss ya, ya know,” he comments, and I nod with a small smile. I don’t know how much more of this awkward small talk I can put up with, especially as the domino that caused all of this is gnawing at my insides. Particularly the part where he could have stopped it coming to this. 

But he didn’t.  

The rest of the clean up consists of few words between Harry and I, or anybody else for that matter. We cleaned tables, folded them and carried them away, stacked chairs, vacuumed, packed things away, and carried more things away. The room was now bleak with its new emptiness and quiet, all of the people previously filling it returning to their lives. Luckily I found my escape shortly after the room was all squared away. 

“All done?” a voice asks me. I look over my shoulder and find Asher tying up a bloated garbage bag. My stomach drops all of a sudden with disappointment at who it is, and who it’s not. 

“Yep.” I nod. Then I feel bad for being disappointed. Oh it’s just a never-ending rollercoaster, isn’t it?

“I can’t believe you helped clean up. The whole point was having other people do stuff for you, and then you helped them?!” Asher laughs with a disbelieving shake of his head. He happens to pull a giggle from my unsure lips. I sheepishly nod at his words, and I give him another laugh when he almost trips over the garbage bag. 

“Are you on your way out now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I just have to drop off some last-minute things - keys and keycards, that sorta thing. But now I can’t find the person to give them to . . ,” I confess, losing my words as I scan the room for those green eyes and that mustard top. 

“Hmmmph, well it’s getting late. Maybe he left or had something. You could leave them with Myles or Jennings, I’m sure if you wanna get outta here. I know you’re just dying to get those drinks with me tomorrow,” Asher quips, turning my lips up with his words. 

I leave him with a few words, telling him I’ll see him later. I say goodbyes to a few people as I leave the conference room and begin my hunt to find Harry. One I’m not sure how I want to end. 

I find my desk empty and many others as well. Glancing at my watch, I find that the hours have flown by. Many people jetted out of here as it’s five o'clock on a Friday afternoon. The cushion welcomes me as I sit down in my chair for the last time, but I don’t miss its welcoming squeak. The squeaking continues as I spin my last spin in the chair, feeling hot tears at the back of my eyes at the finality of my actions. My mug of pencils- no, it’s not my mug anymore. It never was mine. 

A polar bear post-it note holder invades my -not my desk - along with framed pictures of strangers, a bright pink day planner, candy apple lotion, and other foreign objects belonging to the new owner of this desk. Who isn’t me. A long sigh leaves my lips as I release my hands I didn’t know I was clenching. 

“It’s now or never,” I say aloud, willing myself to stand. 

Okay, Becky, we can do this. This isn’t even the hard part. 

But it is, I think to myself as my eyes glance up and memories that took place at this desk spin through my head. Making Harry laugh for the first time. Silly arguments with him about which was the better movie. How easily he made me smile by bringing me coffee out of nowhere and- Stop, Becky, you can’t do this now, I tell myself as I swipe a hot tear away from under my eye. I exhale as I get to my feet and feel for the ring of keys in my pocket. Good, they’re still there. 

The hallway is dim, but the light from the London evening comes in through the many windows around the office. His hallway. A hallway I will never walk again. Fuck, am I really sure I want to do this? How can I not see him again? You can and you will. You have to, Becky. It was too hard sitting there day after day wanting him. And him not wanting you back. I nod to myself, trying to affirm those words to myself. They don’t do that good of a job, because of the person I see around the corner. 

“Oh hey, bug. A-are ya leavin’?” Harry stutters, his furrowed emerald eyes falling on me. He comes to a stop in front of me, running a hand through his mop of curls. 

“U-uh yeah. I was just going to drop off the keys with you and go over a few things.” 

“Yeah yeah, sounds good. I jus’ really gotta take a leak, so ‘ll be back in a minute, ‘kay?” He asks with a pat on my arm. I nod with a soft ‘okay,’ as I turn to watch him walk away. Nodding with a thumbs up, he gives me a small sad smile before turning around and walking down the hallway. I watch until he’s gone. 

Almost done. But now for the hard part. Leaving him for the last time, I contemplate with a pout. I shuffle my feet to his door and twist the knob. Immediately, his familiar woodsy scent hits me. Suddenly, all of my senses are inundated with him. His messy desk. His blazer draped over his chair. Bookmarked biographies dotting his desk. Empty mugs of tea taking up empty spots. The essential oil diffuser in the corner humming as it mists Sandalwood. Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 trickling from a Bluetooth speaker in the corner. Harry. It’s all him. And my reserves begin to fall. Can I really do this? No, there’s no way I can. Even if I have to sit at that desk day after day trying to love him, it’s better than leaving him. 

Yeah, and then what about when he marries Amber or somebody else that’s not you? 

I gulp, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat and at the same time pressing my fingers against my eyes, willing them to dry. 

“Wow, are we getting a little teary-eyed on our last day?” a voice snarks from behind me. 

No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. 

I try to breathe in, but I can’t. 

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. To save me from her. And to see her for the monster that she is. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore, Amber,” I snap, turning around to face her with a wry smile coating my lips. 

“Oh I don’t know about that, I still can. But hey, I won, and don’t you forget that,” she retorts. Amber’s blonde curls shake as she stomps her foot and points a tanned manicured finger at me. How can he even comfortably hold hands with those daggers?

Her blow hits me, and she knows it. I can’t hide it, because I’ve lost it. The last few weeks or even months have taken everything from me. My grandpa dying, my mom’s abusive treatment towards me, Harry’s bipolarness, and Amber’s physical and mental attacks. I lost.

“I don’t care,” I croak, throwing up my hands in defeat. The keys on the ring twinkle with movement in my hand. 

“But you do! I know you do!” she cackles, excitement twisting her plastic face into a Cheshire grin. “You wanted him, but you couldn’t have him and so you gave up! I won!” Amber continues, stepping towards me in her flowy scarlet blouse and skin-tight black jeans. 

I instinctively step back and away from her, but I stop when I think I hear a noise. It’s a loud squeak on the floor that makes me stop, but it doesn’t stop right away. 

“I don’t care, Amber, you can have him! I told him what you did to me and he didn’t believe me because of whatever spell you put on him. So you can keep him and live a wonderful, happy life together. I don’t care anymore, and I hate that I ever did,” I announce with weight to my words, willing my feet to lift from the carpet, but they won’t. 

Amber chuckles, crossing her arms with a pleased smile of satisfaction painting her face. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to tell him what I did to you,” she mutters in disbelief, shaking her head. “As if Harry would believe that I’d do such a thing. He probably thinks you made it up. Hell, for all I know I never laid a finger on you and you just imagined the whole thing.” 

“You left marks on me, Amber,” I spit out through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, and apparently that wasn’t even enough to convince Harry. God, I really do have him wrapped around my finger,” Amber sighs happily. “I can’t do anything wrong in his eyes. He hasn’t even noticed how much I’ve been gone lately, or how often I’ve been texting this new bloke I’m fucking on the side.” 

“You slut!” I exclaim, not being able to hold it in. “Harry loves you and would do anything for you! He built this firm from the ground up! He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s giving, he’s funny- he’s amazing and that’s how you treat him?!” 

“Excuse me?! Who here was throwing themselves at my boyfriend right in front of me?!” Amber argues, taking another frightening step toward me. She’s no longer laughing, but instead, her drawn-on eyebrows have fallen into a point above her glassy stare. 

“How dense are you?!” I laugh, feeling the anger rise warmly in my chest. I really don’t care anymore. “You have such a huge problem with that - which never happened, thank you - but you think it’s okay to cheat on your boyfriend?! My god, you really are fucking dumb!” 

“You just had your last laugh, bitch, because I’m going to slap that smug smile right off your face,” she snarls, taking several steps before I can almost see the flames rising in her eyes. 

“No, you won’t!” a voice announces. 

I take my eyes off of Amber to see who said that, but it’s a second too long that lets her clawed hand accost my face. 

[sherlollydramoine]

How the Lights Shine So Colorful and Bright

I hope that this satisfies. It just ended up being a bunch of cute fluff. This is actually two parts. Part one is just Rami X Reader and some quality time, the second part is Dad!Rami X Kids X Reader. Fyi, they have four kids in this one. :) Whoops. Busy little horn dogs. 

Warnings: implied/mentioned sex, and just a lot of cute fluffiness. I cried writing a part of this. 

These are just two separate HC’s totaling about 2k words

Rami X Reader

For the record I am not from NY, nor have I ever been to NY, so anything that is listed in here is sourced straight from a quick Google search.

Word Count: 1060 words (Part One)

You and Rami had escaped to New York in early December. He had some promotional work that he had to do, and he also said that you were overdue for some one-on-one quality time

You stayed behind in the hotel sleeping in for the first time in nearly six years, having four kids is exhausting, while he went to work. The twins, your toddler, and the baby

When he finally came back from fulfilling his work obligations he found you still in bed, dead asleep and he couldn’t help the quiet chuckle that escaped him.

He shrugged off his coat, and took his shoes off before he carefully climbed into the bed with you.

“Hey sleepyhead.” he says, as he gently brushes your hair back from your face.

“If no one is bleeding, dying, or the house isn’t on fire then please leave mommy alone!” you mumble out.

He laughs loudly and you open your eyes. 

“How was work?” you mumble out.

“It was fine. It’s always kind of fun doing the initial promo stuff. Buttttttttt, now that I’m free for the rest of the day I was thinking that maybe we could go get something to eat, and then maybe you know... because it’s been awhile since we’ve... ya know. I have plans for us tonight though.

Your day passes by all to quickly between shopping, eating, and having the hot sex you two were so overdue and that next thing you know it’s getting late. 

You had both taken a brief nap after one particular round of vigorous sex, so you were both charged up and ready for whatever he had planned.

He gets into the closet and pulls out a garment bag, and tells you to put the dress that is inside the bag on. 

You draw in a sharp breath, and then almost start to cry as you open the bag.  “Baby, where did you find this dress?”

“I found an old picture of the two of us and you were wearing it, and you know, I know people. So I had this dress made for you. I know how much that dress meant to you. You were wearing it when we first met, on our first date, when I asked to be my girlfriend, the first time we kissed, it’s also the dress I took off of you the first time the we had sex. When you lost everything in that house fire, you told me how that dress and your grandmother's copy of Pride & Prejudice were the only things that meant anything to you.”

You threw your arms around his neck and brought your lips to his. That is just how amazing your husband is, he would do anything like this for anyone that he loved. 

“So get dressed YN, because we have plans.”

You got dressed really quickly and taking his hand you both headed out the door of your hotel. 

Usually when you visit the city you both take public transportation, but not today. He had hired a car with a driver. You try to ask him what he was up to, and then it dawns on you.

“Baby are we.. are we going to go look at the Christmas lights?”

“Yes.”

“That’s just like-omg-I love you so much!!” you feel the tears wanting to start again, as you lean into his shoulder.

“Yes, just like our first date.We were both so broke, and I was so excited when you didn’t want to ditch me after that. That other guy that really liked you was rich, and I thought that there was no chance in hell that you’d ever want to see me again.”

“Oh baby. I had the biggest crush on you and we’d just never met, only ever seen each other from a distance. I never thought that I had a chance in hell because you were and still are the most beautiful man that I’ve ever seen.”

He kisses your temple, just as the car pulled over.

We’re at Rockefeller Center. You got out,and walked around for a bit. Admiring the giant Christmas tree and all of the other sights and sounds around us. 

When you were standing as close to the bottom of the tree as was possible, he took out his phone and angled the camera to capture you both in a selfie. 

An older gentleman and his wife were walking by and they stopped and offered to take a few pictures of the two of you. 

He presses another kiss to your temple, and then takes your hand in his. 

Your husband was so caring and gracious, that when a couple of fans spotted him, he happily agreed to take a few photos with them. You offered to take them and they declined and asked you to be in the picture too.

After spending a little while in one location, he’d have you back in the car and off to the next.

This time he shuffled you off to Bryant Park. The skating rink, with the NY Public Library looming in the distance, and all the little ways that the area was lit up. The random decorations around, the cool night air wanting you to just lean into him. The different vendors that were set up along the way.

The last location of the night was for a stroll down Fifth Avenue, mostly just so that you can look at all the displays in the windows, and the way things were decorated so meticulously. 

Your night ended with dinner at a restaurant close to your hotel, walking back in the chilly night air.

Walking, hand in hand, just like all those years ago. You really couldn’t have asked for a better date night. 

“YN, all the bright lights could never shine any brighter than you, or my love for you.”

He stops you in the middle of the sidewalk, others around you huffing in irritation as they had to maneuver around you; he reaches up to cup the back of your neck as your body practically melts into his. The kiss you shared was so sweet yet full of passion.

You rest your head on his shoulder. “This was the best date that we’ve had in a long time. Maybe we should strip it down more often, and just do things the cheap and simple way like we used to Rami.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

***********************************************************

Part Two

Dad!Rami X Kids X Reader

Go to the LA Zoo Lights - for the record I’ve never been there, never done that, I hope it’s not disappointing. I did a basic Google search and got some information about this. I hope for those of my readers that have been, that it is accurately described.

Word Count: 1056

“Daddy!!!! I wanna go to the zoo!!” your oldest two started yelling repeatedly, in unison

“We will go in just a minute, mommy is just finishing changing the baby.”

The sun had just barely set, everyone fed, and now you two were getting ready to round up your crew of kiddos to get them in the car.

They had been excited about going to the zoo in the dark for a week. It’s all they’ve talked about.

The twins were bouncing off the walls, your toddler was having a meltdown because she wanted to wear her pink sparkly shoes, but they were nowhere to be found, so she had to wear her purple sparkly shoes instead. 

The baby had just pooped after being fed, so you were finishing changing him and then everyone was set to go.

Sometimes you and Rami joke about how crazy you had been to have kids so close in age, but parenthood was something he wore just as well as he wore those fancy suits.

Rami was trying to keep your three oldest entertained as you dealt with the baby.

Walking into the living room, you couldn’t help but to laugh. Rami was on the floor with three kids on top of him.

“Heeeellllllllllllpppppppppppp meeeeeeeeeee!!!” he dramatically cried out, waiting for you to come to his rescue.

With a loud sigh you set the baby down on his play mat on the floor before walking over to your husband. 

You grabbed your toddler and one of the twins and began to tickle them.

“My heroooo!” Rami laughed, as he gave you a kiss, standing up. Scooping the other twin into his arms and tossing him in the air. 

“Soooo… who is ready for some zoo lights? And maybe some ice cream after if it’s not too late and you behave?!”

The two oldest stopped in their tracks and started screaming, which caused your toddler to start screaming, which made the baby cry.

Rami just laughed, as he scooped your infant off the floor and into his arms. 

Grabbing the diaper bag that was full to bursting with everything that would possibly be needed for an evening away from the house, along with the stroller, baby carrier, and the backpack, you grab your small army and head to the car. 

You are a minivan family. Rami hated it at first, but once he realized there was no way in hell that you were all gonna fit in the small SUV you had, he had begrudgingly agreed and bought the minivan

You were strapping in the twins, while Rami was wrestling with your toddler, the baby having already been strapped in to his car seat and snapped into the base of his car seat.

Rami drove you all to the zoo, where the twins excited screeching was just getting louder by the minute, the toddler just jabbering away about who knows what, God bless your infant son who was blissfully asleep amongst all the chaos.

You two learned the hard way about 6 months ago, to keep everyone strapped in until you were ready to go. Rami was on twin patrol, and you would handle the stroller and wear the baby. 

You climb into the van and get the twins out, they had their instructions to stand next to the van, and hold hands. Next came the toddler who was promptly situated in the stroller, and lastly the baby that couldn’t be bothered to wake up, while being strapped into the carrier, grabbing his blanket to cover his tiny body. 

Rami took the twins ahead, to go get everyone’s tickets, while you got the two youngest taken care of.

You could hear your twins Oooohing and Ahhhhing at the entrance already, and you smiled sweetly, knowing that this was going to be a great decision.

Rami let the twins lead the way, as only certain parts of the zoo were open during the zoo lights.

Watching the kids faces light up in wonder and amazement at what they were seeing.

The lights were bright and fun, the lighted tunnels were a favorite. 

You never would have thought that this would have ended up being your lives, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Rami only got upset once during the evening when a fan approached and asked for a photograph, to which Rami politely declined stating that he was out with his family. You almost stepped in and offered to allow him to take the picture, but he was firm in his ‘no’ because he didn’t want them to accidentally snap any pictures of the kids.

He would get so mad when someone would catch photos of him and the kids, and post them online.

He was always so adamant that he wanted the kids to be as far removed from his ‘celeb’ life as referred to it, as possible. 

The kids knew their dad didn’t have a normal job, but they didn’t know exactly what he did, and he wanted it that way, until they got a little older. 

He never allowed the kids to live a ‘jet set’ life, choosing to allow them to have as much consistency and normalcy as normal childhood allowed. The only time you all traveled was when Rami’s job took him away from home longer than a month, and that was because he always insisted that he hated being away for so long. He used to just travel back and forth, but that became incredibly taxing on him, after the first couple of times, it was decided that travelling as a family unit was for the best.

The kids still got to see various parts of the world, and he always made it a learning adventure. Learning about different cultures, food, history, and languages. 

The adventure at the zoo was only supposed to take somewhere between 60-90 minutes, but of course, the twins and their never ending curiosity made the whole evening end up lasting about two and a half hours. By the time you were all heading back to the car all the kids were definitely exhausted and ready for bed. 

You barely made it out of the parking lot of the zoo and all four kids were out cold. 

You and Rami just smiled at each other, and high-fived, another successful family adventure for the books.

@xmxisxforxmaybe​ @mrhoemazzello​ @itsme690​ @txmel​ @r-ahh-mi​ @ramimedley​ @spacedustmazzello​ @safinsscar​ @ladyr0b0t​ @hissom1933​

[yukarisensei]

Top 10 Anime of the Decade (incl. Winter Anime 2020)

Minna-san, akemashiteomedetōgozaimasu (Happy New Year)! It’s been awhile...sorry T^T. Life has been absolutely INSANE since the last time I posted, which was...omg September. OwO I honestly did not watch a lot of anime because real life has been so crazy. BUT that doesn’t mean I didn’t watch ANY anime. 

I was originally just going to post my annual Winter Anime Season post but after watching Joey: The Anime Man’s “The ULTIMATE Top 10 Anime of the Decade List” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqY25glHPxE) I wanted to look back and reflect on some of my favorite anime of the decade and share them with you guys as well. Like Joey I will also include some honorable mentions in the list. Without further ado, here are some of my favorite anime from this decade:

2010

Durarara!!

https://myanimelist.net/anime/6746/Durarara?q=durara

This was one of the first few shows that @perfectlynorm first recommended for me to watch when he and I reconnected back in 2015. I didn’t watch this show back when it first aired, but I really wish I did. The storytelling really stood out to me and I loved how all of the characters’ stories interconnected with each other. The seasons that came out later in 2015-2016 were great as well, but this first season was by far the best. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Kaichou wa Maid-Sama! (still one of the best romance/comedy anime to this day...I NEED A SEASON 2!!!)

- Shugo Chara (technically it aired years before 2010 but it’s one of the first few shows I got into during that year)

- Kimi ni Todoke (a slow burner but it’s still one of the few romance anime I go back to from time to time)

2011

Fate/Zero

https://myanimelist.net/anime/10087/Fate_Zero?q=fate

Again, this is another show that @perfectlynorm recommended back when I really started to become the filthy weeb that I still am. This was also the first show that introduced me to the greatness of ufotable’s animation. Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works was amazing, but this show really blew my mind. The animation, the story, and the characters were top tier amongst the shows I watched at the time. This is a show I could recommend to new anime fans. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Uta no Prince-sama: Maji Love 1000% (this show unlocked my love for idol anime, a very memorable part of my teenage years)

- Sekaiichi Hatsukoi (still one of the best Boys Love/Yaoi anime I’ve ever watched...still waiting for the day he officially falls in love with him ugh)

- No.6 (another @perfectlynorm​ recommendation...that ending still hurts T^T)

2012

Kuroko no Basket

https://myanimelist.net/anime/11771/Kuroko_no_Basket?q=kuroko

One of my male high school friends recommended this to me...I wonder if he new that he was cursing me at the time. This show was my introduction to the sports genre in anime. To this day, this show is still one of my favorite sports anime. Yes, looking back on it now parts of this show are extremely unrealistic and is mainly loved by fujoshis, but if I were to introduce any new anime fan to the sports genre, this would be the first show on my recommendation list. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic (I started this show for the voice actors, I stayed for the story and characters, 10/10 would watch again)

- Sukitte Ii na yo. (another great romance anime that really builds the relationship between the two main couple...without holding out the kiss until the last episode)

- Kamisama Hajimemashita (loved the anime and the manga...I was sad to see it end and that the anime was rushed, but it’s another romance anime I could watch again)

2013

Attack on Titan

https://myanimelist.net/anime/16498/Shingeki_no_Kyojin?q=attack%20

Oh wow, @perfectlynorm​ recommendation lol. At the time, I would not have watched this on my own free will since I was (still am) weak to blood and gore. However, when I first watched this...I pretty much binged the entire first season within a week. I still remember the thrill and heart-pounding excitement I felt from watching each episode. I still have a lot of episodes to catch up on before the FINAL season (omg) comes out next fall, but I am excited nonetheless.

Honorable Mentions:

- Free! (ugh the fujoshi bait was so real in this show, but I LOVED it)

- Kuroko no Basket 2 (I was soooo hyped when I was watching this show, even while I would wait for each new episode during my Saturday ballet classes)

- Uta no Prince-sama: Maji Love 2000% (imo, the BEST Utapri season)

2014

Free!: Eternal Summer

https://myanimelist.net/anime/22265/Free__Eternal_Summer?q=free

At this time of my life, I just graduated from high school and was about to start the next big chapter of my life: college. This show really spoke to me back then because, like the characters, I was scared and uneasy for what happens after high school. I especially related to Haru’s uncertainty for the future and unwillingness to change. But as I followed his journey throughout the season I eventually felt ready to take the next step towards my future along with him. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (I DIED while watching this show, it provided so many laughs that I would recommend this to anyone)

- Akatsuki no Yona (love, love, love Yona and her harem of strong ikemen...I still feel proud that @lunastories​ absolutely FELL for this show)

- Haikyuu!! (one of the best sports anime EVER...I’m so so sad it’s ending soon)

2015

Kuroko no Basket 3

https://myanimelist.net/anime/24415/Kuroko_no_Basket_3rd_Season?q=kuroko

It was very difficult to choose a favorite anime for this year, but when I thought about what show I felt the most emotions from start to finish, I picked the final season of KnB. I was reading the manga while it was still being serialized so nothing in the show came as a surprise plot-wise, but to watch this show from the very beginning to the very end made me very emotional...until Last Game became a thing (god it still hurts T^T). 

Honorable Mentions:

- Ore Monogatari! (this has to be my FAVORITE romance anime, it broke so many romance anime stereotypes and i could watch it again and again)

- Haikyuu!! 2 (it’s haikyuu, nuff said)

- One Punch Man (still haven’t watched season 2, but omg I LOVED season 1, I still remember how much my friends and I laughed for each episode)

2016

Yuri!!! on Ice

https://myanimelist.net/anime/32995/Yuri_on_Ice?q=yuri

*deep breaths* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ok. This show, as embarrassing as it is to admit, MADE 2016 for me. Like so many fujoshis and fudanshis, I ate this show up and awaited week after week for each new episode to air. I know there are so many criticisms about this show, but f**k the haters. For me, and for others, this show changed what anime could do: normalize a same sex couple without fetishizing it. 

Honorable Mentions:

- ERASED (a GREAT mystery anime, that brings a lot of feels and thrills 10/10)

- Boku no Hero Academia (omg loved it, scroll down for more of my thoughts about this show)

- Kiss Him, Not Me! (this is the anime for fujoshis, watch if you are or think you are one, trust me)

2017

Boku no Hero Academia 2

https://myanimelist.net/anime/33486/Boku_no_Hero_Academia_2nd_Season?q=boku%20no

I picked up the first season of this series before the summer 2017 anime season because of all the hype about it, and omg I was so excited for the second season. I eventually got all of my anime friends to watch it and they got so into it that we would do our first group cosplay together for the show at AX a year later. This show really made 2017 for me and I am very happy it is still so loved to this day...now I just need to start season 4 hehehe. 

Honorable Mentions:

- Hitorijime My Hero (one of my fav Boys Love/Yaoi anime cuz the main couple does not bang for every episode and actually TALK lol)

- Tsuki ga Kirei (a romance anime that i think accurately portrays an awkward, but sweet middle school romance)

- Recovery of an MMO Junkie (another fav romance anime, the main couple are absolute cinnamon rolls please please watch it)

2018

Banana Fish

https://myanimelist.net/anime/36649/Banana_Fish?q=ban

The ending of this show still breaks my heart, but this show was a huge part of 2018 for me. At first, the show’s brutal and violent themes startled me and prevented me from watching it when it first aired, but when @perfectlynorm​ convinced @passionateflame​ and I to watch this after AX 2018, I was blessed and cursed at the same time. Ash and Eiji’s strong emotional connection was what warmed and broke my heart at the same time. Rest in peace...my heart.

Honorable Mentions:

- IDOLISH7 (an idol anime that beats UtaPri to death...excited for season 2 in 2020!!!)

- Gakuen Babysitters (not only gives me endless amounts of feels and warm fuzzies, but also reminds me why i love working with kids)

- Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii (THE show for otaku)

2019

Fruits Basket

Although 2019 was probably the year I watched the least amount of anime, Fruits Basket was my favorite anime of the year. It was hard to pick my favorite and to narrow down the honorable mentions, but this anime was my most anticipated show of the year. I had high expectations going into it since the original anime was a huge part of my teen years, and I was definitely not disappointed. I’m so excited for the upcoming second season in 2020!!!

Honorable Mentions:

(Edit: ok I cheated by adding 4 but all of these shows were AWESOME!)

- Dororo (one of the great surprises of 2019, 10/10 would watch again)

- Demon Slayer (jumped on the bandwagon after AX and OMG I’m so glad I did)

- Dr. Stone (SURPRISE another @perfectlynorm​ recommendation...LOVED IT)

- Beastars (...I’m not a furry...but Legosi is best boy)

Here is what I am watching for winter 2020:

Haikyuu!!: To the Top

https://myanimelist.net/anime/38883/Haikyuu__To_the_Top

YES!!! My crow babies are back after a FOUR YEAR hiatus!!!

AND that concludes my top 10 anime of the decade list. I do not think my taste in anime has changed too much over the years, but within this past year I have come to be genuinely and pleasantly surprised over anime that I never would have picked up 10 years ago. So I guess I want to approach anime with a more open mind in 2020. 

I only plan to watch Haikyuu for this winter season because I am going to be busy with student teaching and finishing off my last semester in the teacher credential program at my school. But things might change...

Anyway, thank you so much for reading this MONSTER of a list if you made it to the end. Let me know what you guys think. What were you some of your favorite anime this decade? What was your favorite anime this year? Are you watching any anime this season? I hope 2020 starts off great for all of you! Matane!

[minijenn]

Peridot and Pacifica Preview 1

alskdjalsdjlad well at least I fucking wrote something tonight ahahahah I’m so fuking tired send help anyway here’s this. Probs won’t write anything else for this until sunday since I’m gonna be busy all day tomorrow. RIP

“Special delivery!”

Caustically, Peridot glanced up from the drill’s blueprints she was looking over to find Steven standing before her, a small, wrapped box in his hands. Mabel stood alongside him, practically beaming with excitement as they both presented the green Gem with this unknown item.

“What are you doing?” the green Gem asked, raising an eyebrow as she looked between the pair.

“Weeelllll…” Mabel began, eagerly. “We were feeling kinda bad about throwing your lemon hancers-”

“Limb enhancers,” Peridot corrected pointedly.

“Yeah, those,” Mabel nodded. “Into the ocean when we poofed ya. Soooo…”

“So we thought we’d get you a little something to make up for it!” Steven finished, holding the box up to her. “We hope you like it!”

The green Gem still largely had no idea what they were offering her, but she took the box all the same, opening it to find a small, black, keyboarded device inside. “Its… a rectangle.”

“And a cell phone!” Steven quipped. “I found it all busted up in Amethyst’s room awhile back. Its kind of old, but we had Soos fix it up for you, so it should work just fine!”

“Ooooo…” Peridot’s formerly bored manner quickly dissolved as she accidentally turned the phone on, its bright, pixelated screen instantly catching her interest.

“You can work it by using those tiny keys,” Mabel informed, peeking over the green Gem’s shoulder. “You can call people, send texts, even play a few fun little games! It’s it great?”

“Plus, it even has wi-fi on it!” Steven added. “Which means you have the whole worldwide web to hang out on!”

“Worldwide?” Peridot scoffed. “Ha! With my finger screens, I had the ability to search and retrieve data across multiple star systems.”

“Hm… impressive…” Steven mused. “But I think we can do you one better… with TubeTube!”

The young Gem navigated to the video app on the phone, pulling up a popular cat video that baffled the green Gem as she squinted to properly watch it on the tiny screen. “Why was this documented…?”

“And even cooler than that, you can share whatever you’re thinking with the entire world!” Mabel exclaimed brightly. “Just as long as you keep it under 140 characters.”

“That’s so many people!” Peridot gasped, stars of amazement in her eyes as she continued tapping away on the phone. “I really, really like this. But it’s a shame it doesn’t come attached to your body like—oh wait!”

Without missing a beat, the green Gem rushed inside the barn, rummaging through what scraps were left inside it before hurrying back with a strap of velcro in hand. “Behold! My innovation!” Peridot proclaimed, fashioning the tape to the back of the phone before doing the same to her wrist. She quickly connected the two before pulling off a dramatic pose to show off her handiwork to the impressed pair. “I’ve harnessed the power of your interlocking fabric strips!”

“Um, not that that isn’t cool, Peridot,” Steven said with a small, bemused grin. “But it would have just been easier to put the phone in your pocket when you’re not using it.”

“…What’s a pocket?”

“Wow, you guys really just gave someone who doesn’t even know what pockets are a fully-functioning, web-enabled cell phone,” Dipper spoke up from his spot nearby as he continued leafing through the first journal, his tone absolutely deadpan. “Nice one.”

“Hmph, like I need to know what ‘pockets’ are,” Peridot scowled back at him. “What matters is I finally have cutting-edge tech again! Everything is finally all at my fingertips once more… What a wonderful feeling.”

“Yeah, a refurbished phone from five years ago,” Dipper said, still just as dour as he closed the journal. “That’s real ‘cutting-edge’ tech right there. Super advanced stuff.”

“Aw, c’mon, Dipper, let her have her fun,” Mabel interjected, grinning. “She’s been really good lately. She deserves a reward!”

“A reward?” Dipper scoffed incredulously, more or less ignoring the green Gem as Steven continued showing her how to use her new phone. “For the Gem who tried to kill us on multiple occasions? Who only came here to check on a ticking-time bomb of a Gem mutant buried under the crust of the Earth? Who fused with Bill Cipher? Are you and Steven actually insane?”

“No, we’re just being nice,” Mabel huffed, hands on her hips. “Maybe you should try it sometime, bro-bro.”

“I don’t have anything against being nice,” Dipper countered, crossing his arms. “But I do have a problem with being nice to Peridot. In case you haven’t noticed, Mabel, she’s not our friend. She’s barely even our ally. And its about time you guys realized that before you have to learn it the hard way.”

“Oh yeah?” Mabel countered. “Well, have you ever stopped to think that maybe Peri’s not as bad as you think she is? If you just gave her a chance, then maybe you’d see that, yeah, she might be sorta rude and loud and mean and cocky and-”

“And this is supposed to prove me wrong… how, exactly?”

“Point is,” Mabel cut in succinctly. “She’s still learning about Earth and about all of us. She wants to help us stop that Cluster thing. So why can’t we meet her halfway and help her learn?”

Dipper didn’t offer an answer to this as he instead glanced past his sister and over to the green Gem instead. Peridot noticed his stare and returned it with a sour glare of her own, one that more or less reaffirmed the mutual disdain they both had for each other. Disdain that, for the most part, neither of them were willing to give up so easily and so soon.

[hangonimevolving]

Ankle Week 11 Update and More

Greetings, after a fairly long hiatus!  Its been about a month since I last provided updates on my ORIF ankle recovery and other summer goings-on.  Let us commence.

Here she is.  As you can see, the swelling is down, and at long last, the blood vessels and ridges of my bones and what-not are finally visible.  Its also clear that my feet aren’t gonna be a matching color for a while longer.  

I should take a walking video - but allow me to just summarize here by saying that I think I’m walking better!  I still appear to have a limp - I don’t really think I do, but friends who haven’t seen me in awhile are quick to point it out when we meet.  I’m frustrated that a) I have a limp, and b) its so obvious.  I fully admit that I’ve been slacking on the PT.  Ever since I got green-lighted to start walking 4 weeks ago, I’ve basically been on my feet and I’ve never looked back.  I assumed that being active, hardly sitting down during the day, being busy with housework, errands, running around after the kids, and working out nearly everyday was enough PT - but I don’t think that’s true.  The limp will only get better with targeted strengthening and PT, and I have to be more conscientious about it.  I am hoping with some hard work, in a month the limp will be nearly gone and I’ll even be slowly integrating some running back into my life.  We shall see.

On the topic of walking - I had an AWESOME opportunity for a getaway about 2 weeks ago!  A long-planned girls’ weekend.  The trip was planned months and months ago, but I confess that over the last few weeks, I’ve been going through some very difficult personal circumstances - so it was an extra-special and welcome respite to know that I had this trip to look forward to, and that I’d have some alone time and some private grownups-only time with a few trusted girl friends, so I could clear my head and take a mental break from some tough adulting that I’ve had to do lately.

So!  I flew to Atlanta on my own, sans spouse, kids, check-in baggage, and knee scooter/crutches.  LUXURY, PEOPLE.  LUXURY.  I can’t tell you how excited I was, boarding that plane, feeling free as a bird with my two feet below me, in regular shoes.

I landed in Atlanta and immediately got to work on some SERIOUS RELAXING. I arrived and was checked into my beautiful hotel room at around 12:30 pm, but shortly thereafter, set out to get a deluxe pedicure...

The streets of Atlanta were delightfully in full decor from Pride month... I was enamored.  And generally, it was thrilling to be staying in Midtown, a fun, trendy, cool part of town, taking in the sights of historical landmarks and interesting contemporary businesses, restaurants, shops, and special events.

(Owl-loving Vev would love this)

That evening, my homegirls arrived after finishing work, and it was soooo wonderful to be back in their company after a few years of not seeing each other!  These are some of my dearest friends from college, and I had missed spending time with them so much.  Of course we are in close touch, mostly in the form of daily texting and WhatsApping, sending each other goofy memes and jokes and snarky synopses of our day and cute kid pics.  But there’s nothing like in-person reconnecting and gabbing over delicious food.  Its the BEST.

Our agenda for the weekend, on that note, was simple.  Lots of good food, and lots of indulgent spa treatments and relaxation.  We accomplished both these things, with a trip to Atlanta’s awesome “new” outdoor restaurant strip called the Beltline, a really wonderful spa day on Saturday with massages and facials followed by lunch at a Turkish bistro and dessert at the awesome Ponce City Market food hall, and then Chinese reflexology treatments on our feet on Sunday after a sumptuous Midtown brunch.  I felt so lucky to be with them and sharing all this fun!

(borrowing my friend Y-clef’s aviator shades b/c I was a dodo and forgot to pack mine)

My ladies!!!  Y-clef on the left, Shal-Wal on the right.  We missed you, G-funk!!!!  

Chinese reflexology salon

My partner-in-crime, and a wonderful influence to help bolster my “treat yo’self” game :)

All too soon, it was time to return home.  Of course I missed the kids and family life - but maaaan.  Sometimes its awesome to get away from it all and just be me.  Especially when its just been hard at home lately.

Anyways.  Back at home, back to regular life, but with a little bit of a replenished tank - I felt grateful.  The kids appeared to have handled the weekend at home just fine in the company of Dr. Spouse and my mother-in-law, who had flown up to spend time with them and lend Dr. Spouse a hand - but of course, the minute I got home, they were on me like white on rice.  I woke up the next morning to this.

Errrrrbody had snuck into bed with me at night.

What do you mean, “Personal Space?!”  Aww, that doesn’t sound very important.

I helped the kids out with some theme days at summer camp, including “dress as your favorite animal” day.

I made these cute quilted display panels for the kids’ swimming lesson ribbons - a low-key excuse for me to try my hand at free motion quilting, which is NOT easy and although I enjoy it, I’m not sure I’ll ever be very good at it!

Of course we resumed ordinary summer things, like days spent at summer camp, swim lessons every Tuesday, lazy afternoons at home playing legos and watching videos, and eating popsicles.

And last but not least, I’ve been swimming, swimming, swimming.  And trying to get back to serious workouts.  There are days its more difficult than others, between my gimpy ankle and just general motivation problems.  But I’m making that effort.

Anyway.  I’ll update more soon - and I really ought to make a walking video this week.  

[vanchlo]

the assistant / chapter eighteen, “down”

hey there!!!!! woah it’s been so long, i am so so sorry!!! it’s so good to be typing all this up and making this post haha and its kinda weird trying to get back into it too, i missed picking the gif and little sneak peeks out for the post on here lol. i hope you’ve all been well and had great holidays!! well i came back to this chapter that was sitting around for awhile and i wrapped up the end of it, and so i figured i would post it. hopefully it isn’t utter trash haha. i really don’t know when the next chapter will be up or if i’m back with this story just to be honest with you, but i thought i would give it another try and my bf like really wanted me to try again for awhile lol hes pretty great, so you have him to thank lmao. i really wanted to say a big thank you to those of you who have sent me lovely messages about the story (im sorry if some got lost :( or i never replied to) and who have been so patient, it means the world and im so excited to share this new one with you because of your continued love and support for this story, because i know youre all so excited. it still amazes me honestly, you guys are the best. but yes i hope you like this, plz plz let me know what you think! i enjoy!!!! :-) 

p.s. - i can’t remember for the fricken life of me how i formatted their texts so be easy on me lol theres not a lot to work with or do, i hope theyre easy to understand :) ugh if only you could change the color of the font on here it would be so much easier sigh 

old chapterzzzzzz!

i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse.

i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist. the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk. 

with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great. 

it feels like everybody’s eyes are on the back of my neck when i eventually walk out of the bathroom and back to my desk. when i turn around, there’s nobody watching or staring or prying. just my messed up conscious and paranoid mind, because that’s nice. i discreetly run a finger under my eyes as i pull out the wheely chair and sit back down, lifting the top of my macbook to open it up. holding down the power button, the white apple logo soon appears on my screen. with a sniffle, i pull at the tight waist of these black dress pants before typing my password in.

the plain mountain background loads quickly, and a second later a soft chime sounds. and then there’s another. dragging my eyes to the top right corner of the shiny screen, i see the name i dread maybe the most.

(H in italics and B in bold-italics :-))

12:05pm

please try to be nice with

the costume, pretty

please with a cherry on top?

12:10pm

you’re making me nervous,

becks.

and a new chime just as this message comes in, all fresh and new.

12:23pm

you there, love?

yeah sorry. got busy.

it’s ok.

instead of replying, i venture to chrome and open my email to find too much freaking shit. the third or fourth email is from him, time stamped from around eight am. he probably finished the list up and sent it from home last night, which isn’t too weird for him. sometimes it comes the night before, if he’s feeling generous or something like that.

12:29pm

what’s this file you want?

what?

on the list. it just says ‘find the

heartwood file for me asap and bring

it to me’. you need to learn to be more

specific you know, i thought we talked

about this.

12:30pm

oh yeah. that. sorryyyyyy,  i

know we spoke about

it. yeah, i need the

criminal file on bertie

heartwood. it’s not on the

online database as a digital file, so

you’ll have to go down

to the basement where

they keep all of the real paper ones.

you’ve been down there

the one time right? it

wasn’t too bad, huh?

yeah it was a jolly old time, i loved the

creepy old geezer sitting in the door shoving his face with a twinkie who couldn’t help me for shit. i almost had

an asthma attack from all of the dust

and i don’t have asthma!

damn you’re hilarious,

becks.

shutup, i’m being serious.

:) 

don’t send me a fucking smiley face.

first i have to do all of that awful filing

and now i have to go down to the

basement to the papers room where who knows

how many rats live with the creepy old

guy staring at my bum and boobs. watch, i probably

will never even get back up here to

17 because the elevator will have

stopped working, or the weirdo shanked me and i bled out. and god, don’t even

get me fucking started on the

cobwebs down there.

language! and would you chill out? there

are no bloody rats in my

law firm

i heard something the last time i was

down there trying and failing to find

that witman file for you, and i turned

around and i swear to god i saw a

tail, harry.

stop it, you did not see

a bleeding rat down there.

and i keep my firm

blooming spotless, so hush.

you still need to find a new clerk guy

down there who isn’t a 80 year old

who probably has an arrest or two

having to do with pedophilia and porn.

i bet you fifty pounds if you had the

techies look at his computer you’d find pornhub.com in his web history.

bloody hell becks. he

does not. jerry’s background

is spotless. ya really think

i’d take a bet on somebody

like that?

well all he does is basically just guard

about fifty dusty shelves of files, so

yeah maybee.

fuck you, you little shit.

uh no, i only get to call you that.

sure you do.

shutup.

can i pleaseeeeee not go down there?

i was considering it, but

not after all that lousy stuff

you said about the papers

room and nice old jerry.

he is not nice, harry! he’s so rude.

doesn’t even help me when i have a

question, scouts honor.

no way, you were a girl scout?

ya sell all those yummy boxes

of biscuits, too?

shut up.

ya better be nice, or i just

might make you come to

that ball with me after all,

you little shit.

stop calling me that, that’s my line.

would you rather i come down

and give you another nice

tour? i don’t really want to,

because i’m supposed to be

doing this skype call with

somebody from ny, and

hell thats why i asked you

to do it.

god, don’t be too honest there.

i’m sorry, just not looking forward

to this skype call. and amber

won’t stop blowing up my phone,

she’s in a real mood today.

what’s new with that?

be nice, becks.

i’m just stating the truth, that’s all.

his reply is lagged, and i tap my fingers against my thigh as i wait for the word ‘read’ to show up under my message. and more so for the little bubble to show up. i don’t know if i’m thankful or what when the t-rex rings and i drag my hand over with a huff to pick it up.

“styles and lawson, this is becky,” i answer the most mock cheerfully that i can do on a monday.

“hi, i was wondering who i could talk to about how i could go about setting up a consultation with mr. styles?” a chipper voice replies.

“i’m mr. styles’ assistant, so i can gladly answer that question for you,” i reply.

ten unnecessary minutes later, i finally set the phone down. and when i turn to wake up my computer, there’s a red bubble stuck to my little messages icon. with a shake of my head, i click on it and find harry’s texts. but i hardly get a chance to read them, when his name pops up in the corner of my screen again, but this time he’s calling me.

sticking my hand into my drawer, i pull my buzzing phone out and swipe my thumb across the screen.

“god, what do you want now?” i reply fake annoyed.

“ya betta watch it, becks. actually ‘m surprised ya answered, ya weren’t replying t’ me texts.”

“i’m sorry, i had to explain to some old lady on the phone that just because you’re such a greaaaat lawyer, that you don’t take all cases that come at you, and she wasn’t that happy because of that and because she doesn’t really know how to work email to send me a consult. actually i don’t think she even has one.”

“oh, i see. well sorry i blew up yer mac, but was hopin’ ya’d go an’ get that file fer me soon. pleeeease, becks?” he says, apology heavy in his tone, before it switches to something sickeningly sweet. what a little shit.

“can’t like, you call down there and just have them send it up somehow?”

“this isn’ a bloody post office, becks. ’s jus’ one li’l file, tha’s actually real important. an’ i need it, i wouldn’ ask ya t’ go get it if i didn’ need it.”

“suuuuure,” i sigh, browsing through this week’s list quickly, but it’s not much use because this isn’t the final length. it’ll just keep getting added to as the week carries on. the usual.

“come on, becks. i won’ make ya go down there fer awhile afta this, ok?”

“weak proposition, mr. lawyer,” i reply sassily, pushing my hair behind my ear as i open another email reading a consult from a possible client.

“‘m not gonn’ bribe you.”

“why not?”

“you cheeky li’l thing you, jus’ go get tha bloody file before i come out there.”

“wow, you’re soooo scary,” i tease, hearing his fed up huff.

“jus’ go get tha damn file, you bloody li’l shit,” he chuckles softly. “now i really hafta go, tha bloke’s s’posed t’ be callin’ any mo’ now.”

“no, wait!”

“whaaaat?” he groans.

“i forgot where i look down there, because you know there’s like fifty shelves with boxes of files on them.”

“bloody hell, becks, just ask jerry.”

“i am not talking to that creeper ever again in my life,” i whisper, lowering my voice when somebody walks by. “and he is soooo a creeper, harry! the last time i was down there, i was looking through a box of files that was on the bottom shelf, and when i looked up the bloke’s eyes were glued to my cleavage!”

what comes next is a little explosion of giggles from his side, and i have to resist rolling my eyes because it’s not as good when he can’t see it. since we’re on the phone, even though he’s like . . well right over there.

“becks, yer too damn funny fer yer own good, darlin’,” he gets out in a long titter, and i deal him back a sigh. “ok don’ botha with jerry then, but ’s organized by tha alphabet if i rememba right from tha last time i was down there. but yeah ’s just by last name, so it shouldn’ be too hard t’ find, love.”

“wow, thanks for calling me dumb.”

“‘m not callin’ you dumb, becks!” he laughs, and when i hear the familiar ringing sound faintly i know it’s his skype. “hey sorry, that bastard’s ringin’ me, so i gott’ go. but if ya ‘ave any troubles, jus’ text me an’ ‘ll try t’ get back t’ ya fairly quick.”

“ok, don’t get too bored,” i joke, hearing his sweet giggle for only a second.

“thanks, babe, don’ die down there,” he replies, and i only get a scoff in before he says a quick goodbye.

+

with a dreaded touch and an exaggerated groan, i stab the lit up plastic button labeled ‘bmt’ and take a few steps and turn to lean against the back wall of the elevator i’m alone in. with a soft hum, the doors squeeze back together and it starts to move down as i stare ahead at my blurry reflection in the shiny doors.

12:50pm

this really fricken sucks,

like a lot.

i stab my thumb at the ‘send’ button and let out a huff after pressing the lock button waiting to arrive in the moldy scary basement. the red led number above the doors falls one by one, sticking at ‘9’ before it drops again.

buzz buzz.

12:54pm

hush, don’t start being a

whine baby on me now.

i told you i won’t make you

go down there for awhile

after this.

you better not.

oh stop being so dramatic.

i think i got that from you.

you’re just hilarious.

why thank you.

now get off your phone and

go get that file.

i’m on the elevator as we

speak, god chill!

you chill, and stop taking the

lord’s name.

since when do you care?

doesn’t matter, now i gotta go.

this bloke is almost back from

whatever the hell he had to do,

and i gotta pay attention, this call

is important.

ok, sorry for bothering you.

don’t, you’re not bothering me.

why do ya always think you’re a

bother becks? but

text me if you need me for any

help with finding the file, and i’ll

try my best, i just might take a

bit to reply.

thank you, harry. you know

you’re probably the best, right?

:)

thanks, sweetheart :) you’re

pretty darn great yourself.

you’re welcome, and thanks :)

i wait for a quick witted reply, and after a little bit i think he should have replied by now with how quick his replies were coming. and so i stuff my phone away in my pocket, and look up to find the doors peeling apart. i take in a deep breath and step off the elevator, pulling my long gray sweater around me at the change of temperature. fuckkkkkk, i do not need this too.

with shivering shoulders and chattering teeth, i tiptoe down the hall - because well there’s not a fucking soul around and i feel like it’s too quiet and shit is going to echo - and soon spot the little sign that reads ‘file room’. but ever since i stepped my first foot into this form, it’s always been called ‘the papers room’ for a reason i don’t know, and that i should probably ask harry one day. or asher.

sure enough, wrinkly and graying and not to mention balding jerry whitter is sat at his black desk scrolling away on his silver desktop. probably looking at girl on girl action, or something really weird, i just have a weird feeling. it takes him too long to look up and when he does, i savor the look on his face because fuck i know he was looking at porn. that git.

with a forced smile stretching across his stubbly chubby cheeks, his thin lips you could hardly discern from his gray mustache part, “oh hullo, love. come down to find another file. ya need any help finding anything?” he says ever so cheerily, but i know it’s fake.

“uh no thanks, i think i got it,” i reply, trying a smile that he returns, but it’s last about a second. with a shiver and my arms pulled around myself, i walk past the wimpy coworker of mine dressed in a long sleeved gray button down and slacks. i don’t even want to think about those slacks and any other part of his body for that matter.

that thought gives me another shiver as i pass the tall gray metal shelves of cardboard box heavy with ancient files. all i know is that most of the files that harry and the other lawyers used and need these days are online digitally, and that somebody who’s not fucking jerry is in the process of scanning all of these to get them online. but i can imagine there’s a point where it’s just been enough, and what’s the point if you don’t need them? at least that’s what i think.

clearing my throat and trying to do the same with my mind, i bow my head and lift my hand to find the hot pink post it i scribbled down the info on, knowing i’ll most likely forget.

bertie heartwood

criminal files

1989

with a huff, i stuff it back away in the pocket of my sweater, pulling the front tighter across my chest. glancing a hasty look over my shoulder back at jerry, all i know is that i’m glad he’s not looking me up, and i don’t bother to see what he’s staring at on his computer. bad idea, becky, bad idea. and so i cross my arms over my chest, wincing at my annoying ass bra digging into my side as i look at the little sign on the very left of the shelf by the aisle. ‘a-f’ it reads. i try to hold back the groan as i walk down the long ass aisle, and turn to peek in the next one. like the other side, the very last shelf has another little sign reading ‘g-m’ and i drag my feet down to the beginning. first i go too far and i’m stuck in the g’s, and then when i veer to the right of the aisle i’m in the fucking j’s, because god. ughhhh.

i almost jump out of my fucking flats when my hip buzzes, and i look down to find the screen of my phone lit up. the smile is hard to push down at the sight of his words, and what they are.

12:55pm

it going alright? you get lost

down there, bub?

no, not yet. but apparently

finding the h’s in this aisle for

g-m is harder than it looks.

the screen goes dark as i stare at it waiting for his response, but it doesn’t come right away, and so i assume he’s caught up with his skype call. i don’t even know why he bothered anyways, especially since he joked somewhat about me leaving him alone. i turn my attention and eyes back to the boxes upon boxes of files waiting in front of me. after awhile, i finally get a little warmer and find the h’s. you’d think it wouldn’t be too hard to find ‘he-‘ especially when there shouldn’t be that big of a variety of files here, but yeah no. first there’s habergram. haberly. habittle. hack. hackney. hackman. like i’ve never seen so many ‘ha-’s in my entire life. what the fuck, harry?

my phone says it’s a few ticks away from quarter after one when i finally locate the ‘he-’s and then it’s not too bad then, considering ‘hea-‘ is right in the beginning, or so i hope. but after a minute or two, i finally finally the little label reading ‘heartwood, bertie’ and pull out the frayed dusty black file.

“ya find all that you need?” jerry questions when i walk up to his desk, much to my dismay.

“yep, thanks,” i answer, plucking a clicky pen from his coffee mug full of them. hmm so maybe the coffee mug of pens is a thing here, huh?

dreadfully so, i lean down and press the pen to the clipboard, but this time i remember to hold the file to my chest so the perv can’t look down my shirt. fucking gross. first i scribble down the date, time of 1:34pm, the name of the file as well as the handy dandy code on the lip of the file i have to locate first and then make it out and yada yada it’s too much work really, and finally i put down my autograph at the end.

jerry and i exchange small ‘thanks’ and he mutters a ‘bye’ i fully ignore, before i peel out of there and get back on the elevator afraid to be down there another minute more.

1:35pm

you still on the phone?

a dictionary sized ‘delivered’ pops up under my message after a moment, but no read receipt before i check my notifications and a few other things as the elevator brings me up. i’m happy when it sounds a long ding and the doors open, letting me breath again as i step out onto seventeen. the keys are clicking and the phones are a ringing as i walk back to my desk, veering for people in slacks and skirts rushing with their cups of tea and stacks of paper before i swing down harry’s hall. i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse, so all i get is a glance of a wacky mugshot of a weird looking guy before i let it fall closed only a few steps away from harry’s door.

doing a once over for anybody busting me, even though i know it’s not going to happen or so i hope, i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist.

the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk. with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great.

“u-uh can i help you with something, sir? i’m sorry, but nobody’s allowed in here without harry already-,” i begin, looking over his combed back thinning hair and broad-set frame.

“i got it, becks,” a voice says quickly, and when i turn my head, harry’s slipping into the room with his hard eyes set on the stranger standing in front of the both of us.

his emerald’s a different body of water from the man’s before us fall to me and i see something in his face that i don’t like. “are you sure?” i say quietly to him.

he nods his head and gives me a small smile, but i don’t know how much i believe it. “‘m sure, love, jus’ gimme a mo’ with him, alright?” he replies, patting my arm with his hand, and i don’t know why or how or what, but i catch his hand when it falls from me. it’s almost awkward and i don’t know what i’m doing or what my little half hatched plan is, but i hold it for a moment along with his gaze and last ditch murmur of his name. “’s fine, becks, promise. why dontcha go take yer break now, yeah?” he continues, giving me another reassuring smile that i don’t know if i can handle or accept, or whatever.

“ok,” i say, dropping his hand but not before i give it a little squeeze, one that he returns warmly. “let me know if you need anything.”

“will do,” he replies, before i turn away and head for the door, holding the image of his off smile and his whole off look in my mind. and the other thing sitting on his face that i don’t think i’ve ever seen before. nerves.

the door opens swiftly with a click, and as my back is to harry and the odd old guy, i hear the beginning of his brash voice. the voice of the other harry. “what, ya not know how t’ work a phone or sumthin’, can ya not gimme a quick ring befo’ ya jus’ swing by wheneva ya bloody like? i have a job ya know - people i represent an’ stuff i gott’ do, meetings i hafta go t’ an-“

“i bleedin’ built this place, ya not rememba that or sumthin’ . .” the stranger booms back in the same accent identical to harry’s, giving me a jump and making this whole thing even weirder. and with that, making me even more confused.

i blink hard before opening my eyes as the last bit of harry’s cold words spat at the stranger melt away from my ears with the distance i put between us, but i catch deep shouts and a raspy one in return. one i know all too well. and it hits me in the gut. because for some odd fucking reason, i want to spin around and stomp back over to his door and do i don’t know, something to get it to stop. to get the man to go away, a man i have a bad feeling about i know that already, and so i can wipe that scared nervous feeling from harry and make it all better.

but i know i shouldn’t and all of things, i know that i can’t. it’s not like that, and with a sad thought, i think it probably will never be like that. with another click, i step inside the break room and pop open the fridge, wishing the can of soda was something else. something still fizzy, but heavy to the taste and not sweet. something a happy medium like my favorite wine coolers, which only sends me into another dark thought about the man i just left. the man i care too fricken much about. fucking shit.

+

i knock the back of my middle knuckle against the screen of the kiosk, tapping hard at my numbers before pushing open the door to get back to work. i drop the black file i never actually put in harry’s hand on the last rack of the new little black file rack on my desk. i plop back down onto my chair, hearing a squeak i roll my eyes at. but my ass hardly hits the stiff chair when i hear shouting from far away and then a door slam, and when i think i recognize one of the voices, i fly out of that seat.

almost running, i bolt over to harry’s hallway in time to have the burly pissed old guy nearly charging past me. he gives me a dirty look that immediately reminds me too much of harry’s for some odd reason, before he rounds the corner and stomps away. with a gulp, my feet move again from being still and i carefully tread down to harry’s door. for what feels like the hundredth time, i hesitate when i reach my hand out to wrap around the door, but this time a feeling burns in my gut that i should and that i need to do this.

and with that, i turn the handle slowly even though an urgency pricks at my skin to turn it faster and harder, and everything else. i spot him almost instantaneously. back to me. shoulders taut and then shaking. little sad sounds carrying across the room from him.

i don’t know what to do. my body is rigid, every single fricken part of it. and so when i try to move my legs- hell just a muscle, i can’t. the fear immobilizes me. it restricts me as the pained sounds of what can only be his crying pricks at my ears, like the sharp end of little pins poking your skin, one by one, getting worse and worse. a breath is stuck in my lungs, not going anywhere along with the rest of me. and it only makes this worse, when i didn’t think that was an option.

all of a sudden the sniffles and the hoarse throaty sounds cease altogether, and i see his shoulders twitch. then a hand run through his impeccable curls that were messy for only a second, if that. all of a sudden he turns around and as if the sight of his red rimmed glassy eyes devoid of a care but riddled with emotion weren’t enough to send my mental self crashing to the ground, the look on his face when he sees me standing there with a foot out the door and the other in kills me altogether.

a syllable begins on his tongue i see. maybe my name. it pains me to even think it, but maybe another cry. or something possibly worse if that could happen: the beginning of a yell. the second one returns with a kick as i watch his eyes fill with tears again before he looks away with a knuckle to his eyes.

“i-i’m sorry, i don’t mean to barge in-,” i begin, but it all comes out wrong, and nothing right. it’s a mess, just like me. and well him, too. i don’t know what he’s thinking or doing, as his head is bent down looking at something on his desk, probably just finding something to do to occupy the embarrassment and the awkwardness that is all me. all fucking me. but i can’t blame him. because hell, i wouldn’t know what to do if he found me crying, well again. “harry,” is all that feels right and as i watch him poke his finger at a mini yellow legal pad with his gorgeous scrawling on it, a sob stutters in his throat. and i’m fucking gone.

within a blink or two, i’m standing in front of him. unsure of what to do. reach out, or go away. his adam’s apple bobs with a gulp before he lifts his chin slowly to look at me, and kill me with that defeated drowned look that makes me feel all sorts of horrible. for him. all for him. and because of what the fuck can i do?

but it’s more like what can’t i when i tug on his sleeve to bring him over to me until he’s close enough to wrap my arms around. that’s too late though, because his are already going around me and by the time i get mine around him, his face is bent into my neck with his hot tears melting into it. as he melts into me with throaty sobs leaving his lips.

i don’t know what to do, or what to say for that matter. i don’t even realize i’m doing it, or hell that i’m doing anything when i find my fingers lost in his hair combing through the end of his crazy curls, and drifting down to the long expanse of his back i rub in circles. through the easy silk of his shirt, i feel his taut strong back as it shakes with each hoarse cry and rises with a rattly breath that tickles against my now damp neck. we stand there for the next ten minutes, his head glued to my shoulder and my arms surrounding him and not moving an inch no matter how tired they get. but i hold onto him tight, my neck slick with tears and his breaths loud and hiccupy.

with every hiccupy cry that falls from his lips, my arms wrap around him a little tighter and my hands rub a little harder.