#sorry Grandin

[a-concert-just-for-me]

Ahoy friend! How goes the night?

Well thefreewillagency, you have made a grave mistake asking me this. Behold. It’s 2:00 am. My diary screaming out loud. You know, like Anna Nalick style.

These edibles are, in fact, shit (positive)

I’m most def a little high

[msmargaretmurry]

For the book meme, 21 & 45 please!

21. The book(s) on your school reading list you actually enjoyed. 

I'm so sorry to be a nerd but I enjoyed so many things I read for class. We didn't read many novels in K-12 (lots of short stories, plays, and poems) but I enjoyed the classics like to kill a mockingbird and the great gatsby. (i did NOT enjoy a farewell to arms.) more recently i have been reading so many books for grad school so here are some that i would genuinely recommend to non-academic audiences:

floating coast by bathsheba demuth

our gigantic zoo by thomas lekan

fordlandia by greg grandin

empire of cotton by sven beckert

the nutmeg's curse by amitav ghosh

45. What book(s) would you sell your soul to get a TV or movie adaptation of?

i gotta be honest i am still a little sad that the raven cycle adaptation got squashed. i would have ate that shit up with a spoon. but truly when it comes down to it my dream tv adaptation would have to be robin hobb's farseer trilogy. but only if they did it right. only if they made burrich hot enough.

[karlyanalora]

2 April: When were you diagnosed and when did you know that you're autistic? If you're self-diagnosed, when did you first suspect that you're autistic and when were you sure?

Self-diagnosed. My mom suspected since I was quite young that I was autistic. She was afraid I'd use that knowledge as a crutch for disorder influenced behaviors that were hurtful to others. Which was valid.

Little me had zero empathy. You know that parenting trick where you tell two fighting siblings that they are allowed to beat the crap out of each other and their neurotypical empathy is supposed to stop them from doing just that? Yeah, apparently I gave my little sister one heck of a punch. (I do have empathy now, but I'm not sure when or how that happened? Maybe when I realized my actions had an impact on the feelings of others?)

So while I like to think it wouldn't have happened, knowing me, I can see why my mom thought I would take the knowledge that I have autism and use it as an excuse to be a jerk. Unfortunately not knowing I had autism and how that made my experience different meant I was doing a fine job of being a jerk purely on accident. (My poor younger sister. It's not a surprise our relationship only began to mend when I learned about autism.)

When did I first suspect I was autistic? The Temple Grandin movie. You see, I liked hugs from my mom but any touch from my younger sister made my skin crawl. I was very vocal about this (sorry sis). Anyway, I saw the Hug Machine and realized I didn't like my sister's touch because it wasn't as firm as my mom's. (Not like sis could fix that since she wasn't strong enough to make it firm enough.) I was also the family hypochondriac (since learned what I thought was "sick" was just really that I'm hyperaware of my body and what that feels like can change a lot day to day.)

So anyway I came away wanting a hug machine and saying I had autism. My parents panicked and convinced me I was not autistic. (Understandable but not great parenting moment. We've talked about it.)

I was homeschooled for a lot of reasons, one of them being my mom knew I'd be eaten alive by my peers. (Thank you for sparing me that.) But my peers couldn't be avoided and at age 12 in a homeschool group play, I discovered bullying. It was an awful time in my life with lots of complicated factors. My mom and I worked hard with trusted adults to identify what I might be doing that could be bothering these teens so much. Couldn't find anything and my mom realized it was probably my autism. There were other outside factors besides that, but she realized it was a mistake not to tell me.

A lot of my schooling involved my mom giving me non-fiction books to read. So I didn't think anything of it when she gave me one on autism she'd heard about on NPR. She assigned me a lot of books on autism. Really good books about the history of autism, how perception and scientific thought has changed on the matter, and so on. (Wish I could remember the names but I will go find them if asked.) I saw myself in those books and this time my mom nurtured that and together we found resources that would help me navigate the social world with less heartache.

So I knew by age twelve. Sometimes I miss not knowing. I was peacefully oblivious to the fact my peers didn't like me and were ostracizing me (my mom could see it though and it hurt her because she knew how wonderful I am). Now, I see it. And man, it hurts. I've learned to mask to prevent bullying, but I don't know how to stop.

But if I didn't know, I couldn't have learned. I'd still be hurting those I love by accident. Heck, I still do sometimes. Just because they understand I don't mean it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt them emotionally. I've been able to learn a lot and develop some very fulfilling relationships. I've been able to help others more.

An important reminder that I am not speaking for the community at large. This is my experience and I'm looking forward to learning more about ones that don't match.

[panicbones]

📽🥇 and 🔪 for the ask meme? c:

📽 first tf series: mtmte! ppl had been recommending it to me for a while and i kept avoiding it but ive been on a big robot kick/daft punks disbandment had me desperate for more robots. there is no hope for me <3

🥇  fav tf series: BEAST WARS it genuinely is the best tf series there is. its ugly as hell i know but its so good. it also has dinobot.

🔪 character i’d kill if i could: optimus. then prowl. i want them gone

[beatrice-otter]

Yo! Your clarifications about 1980’s studies about the theory of mind talked about a test for kids that involved hearing a story and then answering questions about it. So, like. Does every autistic person have a lot of trouble with this kind of exercise? I’ve always had a lot of trouble with sounds and some other things and idk i guess I’m trying to figure out if autism is something I need to look at more seriously. Sorry if this is crossing a line and totally understand if you choose not to answer. Thanks for your time!

Not every autistic person has trouble with auditory processing, but many of us do.

One of the issues with autism is sensory processing disorder. Different parts of the brain process different pieces of sensory data. How well you process any particular sensation depends partly on how well that part of your brain works, and partly on what pathways your brain has to convey information to and from the various parts of your brain. In autistic people, the axon pathways that connect sensory processing areas tend to be atypical. Temple Grandin once gave a talk that included scans of her brain and put it up on Youtube, and I took some screencaps of it so I can share what it looks like:

On the left is Temple Grandin, on the right is a neurotypical person. The highlighted bits are the axon pathways connecting the visual processing area (at the back of the brain) with the speech processing areas at the front. Notice that Temple's pathways are much bigger and not connected in the same places? Here's a side view:

You will notice that in Temple, the axons are connected with just about everywhere in the brain except the place they're supposed to be.

This is a view of the axons connecting the part of the brain that processes hearing vs. the part that creates speech.

Looking at these view of Temple Grandin's brain, it should not be surprising to learn that she is very good at visual processing--look at how her brain connects visual data to everything!--and not very good at processing things she hears. This is why she talked late and has never been able to learn a second language. It's just not the way her brain functions.

Pretty much every autistic person has issues with sensory processing, because the axon pathways in our brain are nonstandard. But! and here's the key! they are not uniformly nonstandard! So my pathways wouldn't look like Temple Grandin's, and they wouldn't look like my brother's, or my father's (both of whom are autistic). We all have sensory processing issues, but they will vary from person to person.

Problems hearing and understanding speech is very common; it's why so many autistics learn to speak late, or have to take time to process what's said to them before they can understand it. But for some autistics, auditory processing is fine, it's touch or smell or taste that's the problem. Or multiple senses. Or specific sensations! It's not unusual to have someone who can't wear jeans because the fabric feels like sandpaper on their skin, but they might walk around all day with a deep gash on their leg because they didn't feel it. Personally, my sense of smell is not very sensitive in general, but even a whiff of gasoline and I am in distress.

The other thing to keep in mind is that Sensory Processing Disorder is a thing. There are people who have problems with sensory processing and other than that their brains are pretty typical. If I were you, I would investigate both Sensory Processing Disorder and autism and seeing if one of them seems to fit.

[nagirambles]

Please make natsu stronger than gray Ezra Mira and Laxus, he's a dragon slayer trained by a dragon... he should be stronger

Hi, if this is about my fic, I'm sorry, but I will not be doing that.

Natsu was not trained by a dragon, he was raised by one. There's a difference-- yes, the dragons took them in to defeat Acnologia, but our five dragon slayers were not taught for the purpose of being the strongest slayer or anything. Natsu was just a child, and Igneel was raising a son. The dragons clothed them, sheltered them, and taught them how to read and write. Wendy is an example of this. She was never even taught how to fight. Grandine knew when the time limit was, she chose not to teach Wendy how to fight because Healing was the necessity, battle was the backup plan. Grandine clearly raised a daughter, not a soldier. They raised them to be strong enough to survive. That's all.

Natsu was like, ten back then. Just because he's feral and wild and has spoken to a dragon does not mean he's automatically a strong warrior. He's still a child and he's spent many more developmental years in Fairy Tail instead.

Even in canon he's still one of the stronger members of the guild, he's an S-class prospective, and guild members believe him to be the crux of victories. Natsu defeats nearly all of the main arc villains. Natsu is still not the strongest in the guild, and that is undoubtedly a good thing. I love that Natsu is not the strongest, I love that Natsu is a teenager and he's young and Makarov and Gildarts are his fathers that protect him. He does not need to be stronger than the more experienced wizards in the guild just because he was raised by a dragon when he was a toddler.

Laxus was artificially made to be stronger, and he continued that creed because that's all he was ever worth and he cultivated a superiority complex for it. Erza continued to grow stronger out of hatred, both for herself and for Jellal, and with a desire to not be as weak as that ever again. They both have very central character reasons to why they kept pursuing more strength over their developmental years. While Natsu had his rivalry with Gray and envy for Erza's strength, Natsu was more focused on finding Igneel. He wasn't trying to become Hokage or Pirate King or anything, Natsu just wanted to find his father.

Heck, making Natsu any more stronger when he already has the power of determination and friendship on his side is just step one to making him much more of a Gary Stu than he already is. Is that what people like these days?

And yes-- Natsu in my story knows he is END, but his powers are still sealed, so nothing on that. He may be a demon, but that means nothing because all he has is memory. Natsu, after revival, matured at a normal human rate. He didn't spend four hundred years surviving in the wilderness to gain experience or strength, he has nearly the exact same backstory and upbringing as canon Natsu, he just has memories of a life before that when he was a literal toddler.

[nvld-hedslife]

Hi. I hope you don't mind this ask but how do you know if you have both nvld and autism? I know I'm autistic but I'm questioning if I have nvld but I can't find any resources for adults or resources that talk about nvld and autism.

Ooh interesting. So for me, it was the reverse. I was diagnosed with NVLD first and then autism.

Tbh, I feel like for me, my NVLD is more like an “autism type”. Like how theres PDA autism and ADHD autism (idk what the proper term is but for people who present hyperactive inattentive type autism). Like for example, in the temple grandin movie (I know sorry. I hate to use her as an autism example but this one scene in the movie is the best example I can think of), she’s shown as thinking in pictures and being about to move things in her head (that one animation in the movie with the floating triangles). That’s one autism type; super visual/ imagery. I feel like NVLD is the opposite of that type because our visual spatial skills suck but we’re really good at things with words.

I can’t really think of any specific resources about having both, but they definitely have overlaps and can for sure co-occur.

For me, I was diagnosed with NVLD. And as time went on I’m like “hm is sensory issues a symptom of NVLD” and my doctor said no, same with stimming and repetitive behaviors and needing routines. And meltdowns. And I also have literally every symptom of NVLD as well, and usually it’s just some of the symptoms.

I guess another part of it would be when you started talking or reading as a baby. For example, with an autism diagnosis, doctors typically look for late speech (which is stupid, and we know that doesn’t accurately exclude someone from having an autism diagnosis). But with NVLD, there tends to be early or early-average acquisition of speech and reading, or hyperlexia. Many later diagnosed autistics started talking “on time” and for some reason a lot of doctors think you have to start talking late to be autistic. Anyway, my point is, if you started talking “late”, I would be inclined to say that it is likely not NVLD in addition to your autism. But that’s just my opinion. And I am not a doctor or professional.

Also, if you’re autistic, you most likely had a psych-ed evaluation at some point, and NVLD can be diagnosed based on that testing.

Hope this helps. And friends, please make corrections to anything I’ve said and add your personal experiences!

[malachi-walker]

Hi - this isn't something I expect you to want to answer so its totally good if you don't, no worries.

I've been talking with a psychologist for a while for a number of things, and we began discussing autism recently, and the possibility of me possibly getting diagnosed with it.

I mainly follow you for she-ra and the swords (love the swords), but I noticed you discuss autism and if I recall correctly don't like autism speaks because they're not helpful for autism and treat it as a diesease?

In our talks he brought up treatment (as in get better treatment) and gave me handouts from autism speaks, and while he doesn't think I'm autistic he says a working diagnosis would probably be 'social (pragmatic) communication disorder - something he described as 'the social aspects of autism minus the repetitive behavior', because not sure if I would qualify for that.

I guess I'm just asking for your thoughts as you're someone I've seen discuss this and it's kind of throwing me for a loop.

Again, I completely understand if you don't want to answer this it's a weird ask - hope you're doing well.

Not to scare you, friend, but I think you need a better psychologist. The reason why Autism Speaks is so maligned by the autistic community is because they claim to speak for us (despite their being plenty of autistic adults fully capable of speaking for ourselves), they've only ever had one autistic on their board and he quit in disgust at their policies, and further all of their money goes towards seeking "treatment" instead of actually helping or advocating for autistics. Their latest pet project is mapping the human genome so they can find the "autistic genes" and remove them.

Autism is a condition that causes a lot of changes in the brain on a very basic level, and everyone's presentation as an autistic is different. It isn't possible to "fix" that, nor should people want to. My autistic traits, my perception of the world, my entire personality is irrevocably intertwined with my autism. If you took that away, you would have a completely different person, and I'm thankful every day that such a thing isn't possible. And I think Autism Speaks knows that, or they wouldn't put all their money behind making sure people like me aren't born anymore.

I'm not even exaggerating a little when I say the only reason why Autism Speaks hasn't been formally recognized as a hate group is because the anti-vaccers tend to hog the spotlight. They're just as fucked up in a much more insidious way. Much like the nazis, they champion eugenics. And they prey on the parents of autistic kids by promising them the fix they want, but not what any actual autistics want.

It's your life, friend. I can't tell you what to do. But I would strongly suggest getting another psychologist. Even if you aren't autistic, the fact that he is either shilling Autism Speaks knowingly or just doesn't know what they're up to (when the information is easily available through cursory level research) tells me that he is in no way equipped to handle autistic patients, and if he did diagnose you there's a good chance he would recommend treatments that would only make it worse. And honestly, while I don't want to scare you, that makes me scared for you.

I would strong recommend doing some research of your own. The thing about the autistic community is because actual psychiatric study of Autism and helpful treatment (in the sense of helping us manage the rough sides like sensory processing disorder without trying to get rid of our autistic traits) are still relatively new, that means we form communities and trade tips with each other to compensate. And most importantly we know how hard it is to get a good diagnosis and treatment, so in my experience we're open to people who have a feeling they might be autistic or are even self diagnosed. The autistic community is open to sharing information and helping you out.

Anyway, sorry I'm a little flustered (not because of you, but because your psychologist worries me) but if anyone reading here knows some good online resources for this, please add them! Most of my study has been through physical books because I did my master's thesis on helping teacher's understand and better teach their potentially autistic students, so if you wanna check a library Neurotribes and anything by Temple Grandin is also a great resource. And I really hope this helps you out! And if you wanna check out a group actually by autistics, for autistics, I recommend checking out the Autism Self-Advocacy Network. Be safe, okay? And have a good day!

[emotional-blender]

mania (luke hemmings x reader)

a/n: HI this is self indulgent as fuck because i've been having a rough couple of weeks and i can't think of a softer boy than luke and his fluffy bleach blonde hair.

if you'd like to be added to my taglist, please just shoot me a message or an ask and i'd by happy to add you!! my masterlist can be found HERE though it is in need of an update.

warnings: mental illness, depression, anxiety.

wordcount: 2.1k

---

“What are you doing?” His voice is muddied with curiosity as his blue eyes watch you move around the kitchen. You’re almost flitting from place to place like a butterfly, to the garbage, pulling out the half-full bag and tying it tight before leaving it on the floor before your feet carry you to the wall where the broom is stood. You sweep over the floors and then your body finds itself taking bowls out of the cupboard, hands clumsily finding measuring cups before you’re in the pantry, grabbing a box of pancake mix. You don’t answer him but he keeps watching you. You barely hear his words, attention zeroed in on the tasks at hand. There’s a list in your mind a mile long of things that need doing. Petunia’s bed needs to be washed, there’s laundry in your bedroom and towels that need to be folded. You need a shower. You’re hungry. Maybe after all that you can take Piggy in the pool and get her some low intensity exercise before you fall asleep.

It’s two in the morning and his eyes are coated in sleep.

“Honey,” Luke steps to you gingerly, a strong hand placed on your shoulder and you practically jump out of your skin, eyes wide as you turn to look at him. Then you realize you dropped the box of pancake mix. The fine white powder is splayed across your freshly cleaned counter top and you look from Luke’s face to the mess, your eyes welling with tears you’ve been fighting for hours.

“I’m sorry,” You mumble quietly, shake your head and refuse to look at him. “Did I wake you? I didn’t mean to. I just… have some extra energy. Little restless. Kinda feels like I can change the world,” You explain as best you can. The words are jumbled and you’re not sure you’re making sense, but he nods his head, blue eyes taking in the state of you.

It wasn’t the first time he’d seen you like this. It wouldn’t be the last. You lift a hand to wipe at your eyes quickly because you know once the tears start they won’t stop. That’s how it goes. It builds up inside of you over the course of time, the restlessness, the guilt, the feeling like you’re nothing more than a burden. You’ve always been this way. It ebbs and flows. For months you’re a happy person. Stable. Functioning. Then you start to toss at night and something inside of you shifts. Somehow you convince yourself that you’re not good enough for any oart of your life; you need to do better; the people who love you don’t really love you. It makes you sad. You ask for reassurance, sometimes every day. Sometimes twice a day. Sometimes more.

You had explained it to him once, with hands shaking as you tried to make him understand.

“I know you like me. You love me. Logically, I know that. Rationally, that’s a fact. But my brain does this thing… I don’t know. It tells me no one likes me, convinces me people are better off so I try to… remove myself. Not like, permanently. Just enough to give people space so they don’t have to deal with me when I’m like this,” Your eyes had been full of tears and you had trouble keeping them out of your voice as you rambled your explanation off to him. It’d been a moment of clarity in the middle of the storm; the eye; a brief moment where you had the courage to speak and the words to do your best to let him know you would be okay.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” His hands are gentle as they move to grab the box of pancake mix, standing it up on the counter and leaving the pile of powder there before they reach for your own hands, holding them and turning your body so you’re facing him. A hand comes up and his thumb rubs softly against your jaw, the rest of his hand tucking under your chin as he turns your face toward him. You move with him easily, biting your lip, still trying to hold back your tears; still trying to hold the flood gates closed.

“It’s okay, let it out,” He coaxes you, his other hand moving to rub over your back. It doesn’t take much before you’re gulping in breaths, hot tears streaming down your cheeks. Both hands are on your back now, pulling you close to him; safe as he guards you from the world.

“I’m right here,” His words disappear into your hair as he presses a soft kiss to the top of your head, swaying a little with you and letting you cry but crying isn’t enough this time. Moments later see you gulping for air over and over, hyperventilating. When he pulls back to look at you, he recognizes the look in your eyes. Panic.

“I’ll be right back,” He mumbles quietly before jogging off and it feels like he’s gon for hours. It feels like you’re going to die, standing there in the kitchen, anger bubbling up in you because he coaxed you into this; made you comfortable enough to let yourself feel and then just… left. But it’s less than two minutes that you’re standing there alone, white-knuckled gripping the counter and hunching over a little because somehow breathing is easier if your head is lower.

You want to scream at him. You want to yell but the only thing you have the ability to do is to try to force air down into your lungs. It feels like it’s only going as far as your throat before it comes spewing back out.

“Breathe, love,” His hands are back on your shoulders, standing you up straight and looking into your eyes, watching as your panicked terrified expression struggles to right the things that are running awry in your body right now.

Everything around you is blurry. You can’t even concentrate on his eyes. Your own flit around his face much in the same way you’d previously flitted around the kitchen: from his brow, the point in his nose, his jaw, the spot where happiness digs a dimple into his face when he’s smiling;  the tiny scar where his lip ring used to be. You never knew him with a lip ring. You wonder what he was like then, biting down on your lip as you think about it. Would young Luke have held you like this? His voice seems far away, but you can see him and all at once you realize… he didn’t leave you there to die.

“You’re right here,” You gasp out the words. He always tells you that when you’re not doing well. He tells you he’s right here and counts softly, directing you to breathe in through the nose, hold, and let it out your mouth.

He nods his head, hands sliding back over your shoulders and pulling you to his chest again. He doesn’t count with you this time. He just crushes you with his arms while you gasp. It seems counterproductive that crushing you would help when you already can’t breathe but the thing is, you’re breathing. He knows you’re not going to die even if you feel like you might.

You made him watch a movie about Temple Grandin once and the way she built herself a hugging machine to help her feel better when panic overtook her. It was a good movie and he quietly watched with you as he held you to his chest, squeezing you tightly occasionally. You didn’t know he was testing the waters and thinking about whether or not that would help when you felt terrible. That year, he got you a weighted blanket for Easter. You didn’t typically celebrate Easter, but it was the next holiday to come around.

Luke holds his pressure around you, lips kissing the top of your hair as he sways with you a little. He doesn’t let up until he feels your breathing get a little bit better and then he ducks his head a little to look into your eyes again.

“I got your medicine,” His voice is soft and your eyes search his face, nodding your head.

“Thank you,” You manage, rolling your neck a little and lifting shaky hands to try and grab the small bottle he’s taking out of his pocket. But he shakes his head at you as you try to grab it, letting you go entirely so he can still your hands and look at you.

“One or two?” He asks you and you stop trying to do it yourself. You can still hear your heart thudding at every pulse point possible, and even in places where you don’t normally feel it.

“Two,” You answer quickly and you know you’re probably overshooting it. One would probably do the trick but you’re desperate and you hardly ever use the medicine he’s got in his hands. It’s for emergencies only; a rescue medication. He nods his head and uses a finger to scoop out two small round tablets from the bottle.

“Open,” He instructs you and you tilt your head for him, lifting your tongue so he can put them where they’re supposed to go.

“Come on,” He wraps an arm around you and leads you to the living room, sitting down with you on the sofa and pulling you over so you’re half laying on him with his arm around you. He rubs your upper arm with one hand and uses the other to run through your hair in soothing strokes, pushing it back from your forehead and leaning to let his lips rest there.

“M’right here,” He reassures you and, then, he starts singing. His song is soft and sweet, It engulfs your shaking body like a dryer fresh blanket on a winter night. Maybe it’s his voice, or his arms, or the way the medication kicks in within minutes but it’s not long before your breathing slows. The only place you can feel your heart beating is in your chest and only if you concentrate hard enough to find it. There’s a brief moment where you wonder if it disappeared all together, amazed that you could be sitting here without a heartbeat, eyes getting heavy as a different warm feeling fills you up. It’s heavy, like heated milk on a night when you can’t sleep. You just barely notice when he shifts, lifting you just a little and laying you on the sofa. He keeps singing, leaning town to press his lips against your forehead before standing himself. It’s dreamlike, the way he slowly moves away from you. If you could keep your eyes open, you could still see him as he moves around the kitchen, cleaning the mess of pancake mix and turning off the element you had heating up. He sings louder when he’s further away, making sure you can still hear him.

His voice is your anchor; the thing that keeps you right here in this moment. You don’t let yourself drift off completely but parts of you go bit by bit as his song plays in your ears. You’re not sure how much time’s passed before you’re in his arms again and this time he’s scooping you up. You swear the way your arms slip around his shoulders is the most natural movement you’ve ever made.

“I’m sorry,” Your words get lost in the skin of his neck.

“What for?” His question hangs in the air as he climbs the stairs with you in his arms. You can only shrug against him.

“For being you?” It takes you a moment but you nod your response to his words, and then his lips are pressing to the side of your head as you round the corner into your  bedroom.

“You never have to be sorry for that,”

All you can do is nod pathetically as he sets you down on the bed. Your arms feel like bricks as you move to take off your shirt and you watch with a kind of far away stare as he tugs down the material of your pyjama pants.

“Crawl in, love,” He instructs and you somehow manage to make your bricks move, crawling under the messed up blankets from where you’d tried to go to bed hours ago. He follows you, turning off the lamp. Your sleep comes with the darkness of the room. You don’t even feel his lips on your shoulder or the way he pulls you against him, cradling you as he hopes with everything inside of him that you wake up feeling better.

taglist: @calumscalm​ @notinthesameguey​ @burstintocolor​ @treatallwithkindness​ @babyoria​ @lukeisbaby​

[3dsmall]

Moving to a new town or changing careers can be a great way to deal with loss or radical change . Even if it sounds like you’re running away I found like it can grow a person. And learning a new city can be a lot of fun even if you’re alone. How is Santa Fe ? Everyone I know who’s been there raves about it but I’m not in the know. Seems cool and artsy from what I’ve heard.

I’m sorry about your mom. Cancer is awful. Your mom dying should not be the reason you do as well. The universe needs more people like you in it.

Random tangent : have you ever seen temple grandins hug box in person or heard of it ? I wish I could buy you a hug box. Gravity blankets are cheaper tho but have similar effects.

i don't like santa fe (no offense to santa fe!)

i think i'd move somewhere like, much further. i want to be in a big city again, but not TOO big i guess.

i dont feel like if my mom dies i have to die, but i feel like if she lives i have to live.

havent seen it but i'll ask my childrens occupational therapy homie

[palindromeadams]

Talking to The Moon

 Hello! Sorry about the almost year break... 

I’m working on the continuation of Zodiac’s Brew as well as another fic but this one is one that I’ve been working on the longest so I wanted to get it done! 

Feel free to send any constructive criticism!

I hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading!

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

It began when Natsu was 4. Igneel and Grandine were headed to the office when they passed their son’s room and heard laughter. They looked at each other with smiles on their faces, after a long bout of giggles followed by a muffled conversation. They assumed that he was either talking to his stuffed dragon, or maybe he had made his first imaginary friend, but they were surprised when they peeked into his room. Standing atop his toy chest their pink-haired son seemed to be in a deep conversation with the moon. 

     “And then I grabbed that ice princess’ clay and I smushed it! He made the funniest face! I wish you coulda seen it!” Natsu laughed, “Metal breath tried to steal my clay, but before he could, I shoved Elsa’s clay into his face!”

 More laughter, before it cut off abruptly and his face screwed up into a pout.

     “But Luuussshhhhiii they started it! Gray drew all over my dragon picture and Gajeel kept snoring when I was trying to take my nap!” 

The boy continued to argue with the sky as his parents slowly closed the door, smiling.

      “Our boy has a really active imagination, eh Iggy?” Grandine asked as the parents returned to their trip to the office.

     Igneel let out a laugh, wrapping an arm around his wife and kissing the top of her head. “He gets that from you dear. I didn’t have any imaginary friends, but if I remember correctly, you had at least 20.”

 Light laughter followed the couple down the hallway as they went to go finish some work in their office. 

     Natsu looked at the moon with a goofy grin that split his face, “I’ll always be here for you Luce, I promise. All you have to do is call my name and I’ll be there.” He said, raising his pinky up to the sky, “I pinky promise!” The sound of tinkling laughter could be heard by those that were listening close enough. 

 ★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

 Six years passed, and Grandine and Igneel would still pass by their son’s room at night, hearing him talking away. Every time they peeked in, they would find him standing by his window, smiling up at the moon. One night, in the middle of his tenth year, he stopped. The couple was used to one, maybe two, nights a month that his son wouldn’t talk to his friend. This usually happened on the new moon. However, after a week of not hearing anything, they were confused as to why he had stopped. 

     During dinner, a little over a week after the nighttime chats had ended, Grandine decided to broach the subject with her son. “Hey Natsu, why don’t you talk to the moon anymore? Did something happen?” She asked. 

Natsu’s brows pinched together, his nose scrunched, an angry frown formed on his face. The two adults shared a look, something had happened.        

     “I was tellin’ Lisanna about Lucy at lunch. The stupid stripper overheard and started telling everyone.” He stabbed a piece of broccoli, angrily shoving it into his mouth. “Then iron mouth said that havin’ imaginary friends were for babies! But Lucy ain’t an imaginary friend! She's a moon sprite! It ain't my fault she can only come down when she gets older.” 

     He huffed and crossed his arms. “Then Levy said that there ain’t no such thing as a moon sprite. That the moon wasn’t livable cause it had no atmosphere or water, and somethin’ about vacuuming. I tried to tell her about Lucy and I described her and everything, but they wouldn't believe me!” Angry tears welled up in his eyes, “So I stopped talkin’ to Luce cause she ain’t real. There's no such thing as moon sprites or magic. I was a baby for thinkin’ otherwise.” 

Grandine and Igneel looked at each other. Grandine looking pointedly at Igneel to get him to say some fatherly, encouraging advice. 

     Igneel let out a sigh. “You know Natsu, it doesn’t make you a baby for having someone that you can confide in. Even if other people can’t see them the way you do.” He placed a reassuring hand on Natsu’s shoulder, before ruffling his hair. “If you want to keep talking to Lucy because she makes you happy, do it. Magic is real kiddo, even if your friends don’t believe it, you do. That is what is important.” 

     “Really?” Natsu asked hopefully.

      “Yup! Magic is all over the place! All you have to do is look for it. You are one of the lucky ones. You were able to befriend one of the beings that can control it.” Igneel gave a goofy grin. “I would have preferred you making friends with a dragon, but I guess a moon sprite will have to suffice.” 

Grandine smacked her husband’s shoulder before the family started laughing. 

Natsu gave his signature grin, moving to put his plate in the dishwasher. He made a quick glance out the window and up at the moon. 

     “I guess I should go and apologize to Luce for ignoring her.” He said with a sigh, “I hope she wasn’t cryin’... I hate it when she cries.”

     Natsu ran his fingers through his hair, mumbling, “ Course she was cryin’ dummy, this is Lucy. The biggest crybaby in the solar system. Cried cause she thought she forgot my birthday, but it was the middle of December. ” 

Grandine and Igneel looked at each other with a smile, glancing back at their son in time to see him sprinting up the stairs, slamming the door shut behind him. 

     They could hear the window slam open, and hear him shout, “LUCY! I’M SORRY FOR BEING A BUTT AND IGNORIN’ YOU FOR A WEEK! I, NATSU DRAGNEEL, AM THE BIGGEST JERK IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM!” He paused, as if reluctant to continue, “AN EVEN BIGGER JERK THAN THE POLAR PEST OR METAL MOUTH!” 

The couple looked at each other, before bursting into laughter at their son’s antics. They really hoped that he would continue to have this imaginary friend for a little longer. 

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

Four years had passed since the night of the Dragneel’s talk, the now 14-year-old boy was still talking to his moon sprite friend every night he could. Igneel and Grandine were sitting in their office, finishing up some last-minute paperwork, when the sound of their son’s laughter reached them. 

     “Hey Grandine, don’t you think Natsu is getting a little old for imaginary friends?” Igneel asked, looking over at his wife. 

      “I don’t think there is such a thing as being ‘too old’ for something when it comes to the imagination.” She replied, typing away at her computer. “Besides, talking to her brings him joy. All I can hope for is that Natsu is happy and healthy, no matter what he does.” 

      Igneel sighed, “I know, but don’t you think that this could cause issues in the future? What if he doesn’t want to hang out with his friends anymore? Because he wants to talk to a figment of his imagination? He already refuses to do sleepovers or any overnight camp, don’t you think that having it could be detrimental to his future?” 

      “Natsu hangs out with his friends every single day that he can. He invites them over to hang out, he goes over to theirs for homework and video games. He is a perfectly normal teenage boy that just so happens to have a friend that no one else can see,” Grandine huffed. “I don’t know why you’re bringing this up all of a sudden, nothing has changed since you encouraged him a few years ago.” 

      “Natsu is going to be starting high school in a few months. Then in a few more years, he’ll be graduating. I don’t want him to be bullied in high school because someone finds out that he still has an imaginary friend. He’s already picked on enough as it is because of his hair, but talking to someone that doesn’t exist? Insisting that they do? Deeney, they’ll think he’s crazy!”

      “Natsu hasn’t had any issues with bullying or being picked on since elementary school. The kids that he goes to school with have known him for years! He’s no more at risk of being picked on as Gray or Gajeel are!” She argued closing the top of her laptop and glaring at her husband. 

      “He’s going to a new school! Magnolia high isn’t just these kids that we’ve known since diapers. There are going to be students from at least three more middle schools, and they’ll have no clue about Natsu! They’ll pick on him because he’s different, giving them more fuel for the fire will only make things worse,” Igneel argued.

      “You honestly think that Natsu will just stand there and let himself be picked on? You’re talking about the boy that decked a kid for making fun of Lisanna wearing cat ears! Even if he did, do you think that his friends would just let him be bullied? NO! If Natsu hadn’t already; Gray, Gajeel, and Erza would punch the poor kid that thought picking on Natsu was a smart idea!”

      Igneel sighed and ran his fingers down his face, “I don’t think that physically, Natsu would be in danger… Deeney, I’m just concerned about our boy.”  

 Grandine gave a small smile, before setting her laptop down. She walked over to her husband, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

     “Our boy will be fine Iggy,” she soothed. “There isn’t anything wrong with having an active imagination or imaginary friends. He will grow up to be a smart, strong, and happy young man that will succeed in everything that matters.” 

She kissed her husband’s forehead, patting his back lovingly. The couple turned to look at the door when they heard a soft sound from that direction. They looked at each other questioningly, before shrugging and getting ready to go to bed. 

When the couple had finished, they walked quietly to their room, passing by the now silent room of their son. What they didn’t know was that Natsu had overheard most of their argument. 

 The boy was now lying in his bed staring at the ceiling. Thinking of ways that he could prevent his parents from worrying, while still getting to talk to his best friend. He decided that night that he would wait until his parents were asleep, before talking to Lucy. Natsu let out a long sigh, turning on his side, trying to get some sleep. 

 ★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

 Two years after Igneel and Grandine’s argument, Natsu and Gray pulled into the parking lot of the campground.

      “C’mon Frosty! Let’s grab our gear and set up camp before everyone else arrives! Then we can get straight into the activities!” Natsu said, hopping out of the driver’s seat happily, before running to the trunk to pull out the camping equipment.

      Gray let out a loud groan, slumping out of the passenger's seat. “How the heck can you be so freaking happy at 7 in the morning flame for brains? You didn’t even stop for coffee on the way here. I can barely function.” Gray said groggily, shuffling to the overexcited teen. 

      “Cheer up ya pervy popsicle! We get the whole weekend to ourselves! No parents, no responsibility, no work! Just relaxation and fun with our friends!” Natsu cheered, dragging out the tents and sleeping bags. He walked over to the fire pit, dumping the items next to it.

     “Hey squinty eyes, I bet I can set up the big tent before you can set up the two smaller ones!” Gray said, grabbing the 14 person tent and throwing Natsu the four and two-person tents. 

      “Oh, you’re so on droopy eyes!” 

The two boys pulled out everything from the bags, laying them out on the grass.

      “Ready.”

      “Set.”

      “GO!” 

 They both yelled, before throwing themselves into setting up the tents. 

 By the time their friends arrived, Natsu and Gray were arguing, covered in grass and dirt stains. 

      “Why am I not surprised that these idiots are fighting already?” Lisanna sighed, pulling out her duffle from the back of her sister’s car. 

      “Because they are MANLY!” Elfman said, coming up behind his sister and grabbing his own bag, along with the large food-filled cooler from the back. 

 Gray and Natsu were in charge of bringing the tents and sleeping supplies. This left the food and drinks to the Strauss siblings. This way, it would reduce the number of times the two would argue. 

      “It's because we’ve known those two since they were in diapers. Their relationship hasn’t changed over the years,” Mirajane replied, slipping in between her siblings. She grabbed her duffle, along with the smaller cooler. 

      “Those two could argue about practically anything for hours! Yet they still won’t get tired of it.” 

 The sibling trio laughed, heading towards the fighting pair. After locking their car, they went to see what started this disagreement. 

       “There’s no way you finished before me flame breath! You were still putting on a rain cover when I was done!” Gray argued, fists clenched by his sides, glaring at the pink-haired boy in front of him.

      “That's not true fruit of the gloom!” Natsu yelled getting into Gray’s face, “I finished, then turned around, and you were still securing one of the stakes!” 

The boys continued arguing when the siblings reached them. 

      “Hey, Natsu! where do we put our stuff?” Lisanna asked. 

     Natsu continued to glare at the dark-haired boy in front of him, “Bags with clothes and stuff go into the four-person tent. Coolers and other food things go in the two-person,” He said, before Gray launched himself onto him, the two boys beginning to roll around on the grass, fighting. 

      Lisanna's facepalmed, letting out a disappointed sigh. “Why do I still hang out with those two.” 

      Mirajane put a reassuring hand on her little sister’s shoulder. “Because those two boys will protect their loved ones with everything they’ve got.” 

      “That better not be fighting I hear,” A menacing voice called from a red car that had just pulled into the parking lot. 

The two boys froze mid-battle, fists still raised. Their faces paled, eyes wide. They quickly scrambled to their feet, pushing the other down. 

      “We weren’t fighting at all!” Gray said unconvincingly. His hair was sticking up more than usual, and there was mud on his cheeks, grass stains on his outfit, or what was left of his outfit anyway.

     “Aye!” Natsu agreed, his own appearance matching closely to Gray’s, but with more clothing. 

Erza strolled over to the group, Jellal trailing behind her, his arms filled with bags full of who knows what. 

      “Gray your clothes,” Lisanna said, returning from dropping off her bags. 

     “What? I was just wearing them!” Gray exclaimed, searching for his missing clothes.

 The small group laughed at their friend’s antics. 

      “Looks like we’re still waiting on Gajeel, Levy, Cana, Juvia, and Wendy.” Jellal said as he returned from dropping off Erza’s things in the tent, “Have you heard anything from them yet?” 

      Gray returned with all of his clothes on, “Juvia, Wendy, and Cana are headed up here together. I got a text from Juvs a few minutes ago saying that they were close.” 

      “Iron breath picked up Levy, so they should be here soon,” Natsu said, lacing his hands behind his head. “What should we do while we wait?” 

      “You guys could play capture the flag while I finish setting things up,” Mirajane offered. “I’ll lay out the sleeping bags, then start getting lunch ready.” 

      “Thank you, Mira!” The rest of the group yelled, splitting into their normal teams and running off into the forest. 

 The sun had set and the group of teens sat around a roaring fire laughing and telling stories. They had all eaten their fill of Mirajane’s cooking and a few were still roasting marshmallows.

      “Okay, what is one thing about another person here that you’ve always wanted to know?” Lisanna asked, taking a bite of her s’more. 

      “I’ve always wondered why Elfman always says ‘MAN’ or ‘MANLY’ after everything,” Wendy said looking over at the said man. 

 The group looked confused for a second, realizing that they hadn’t really given it much thought, it was just something that Elfman had always done. They all looked over at the man who sheepishly smiled rubbing the back of his neck. 

      “Well when I was a kid I met this teenager that helped an old lady cross the street and he looked down at me and said ‘The manly man is one that always helps out others.’ so I guess that it just stuck…” he chuckled.

      “Well, I sure wasn’t expecting that,” Gajeel grumbled before looking over at Natsu. “Whatever happened to that moon bunny that you went on about for years. It seems like one day you just stopped.” 

      “Oh yeah, I remember that! What was her name again? Laney? Lacey?” Erza asked looking up at the sky, where a full moon looked back. 

      Natsu looked up with her with a soft smile on his face, “Her name is Lucy, and she’s a moon sprite, not a bunny” he let out a sigh before looking at his hands, conflicting feelings flashed on his face. Should he tell them the truth, or should he lie to make them get off his back? 

      He took a deep breath, they were his friends no reason to lie to them, “She told me that on the first full moon after she turned 18 she would be given the choice to either stay on the moon and keep her magic or come down to earth and become a human. “he looked back up at the moon, “She said that she was going to choose to come down to earth, she doesn’t have anyone there that really cares about her. Her mom died about 6 years ago and her dad is a dick, she’s always wanted to meet you guys ‘cause of all of the stories I’ve told her.” 

      He chuckled, “I stopped talking about her because my dad was afraid that I would be bullied because of it, so I figured I would just wait it out and keep her to myself until she came down.” His voice took on a tone that the group had never heard from him, it was soft and full of love, “I can’t wait until you guys can finally meet her. She’s amazing and you all would love her.”

 The group looked at him in awe, they didn’t think that Natsu still believed in this Lucy girl and he talked about her with so much love. 

     Gajeel snorted “So you still believe in this bunny girl ey, fire hazard.” he let out his signature laugh, “I’m surprised you still believe in those baby things.” 

 The air around the group went tense as the soft smile that was on Natsu’s smile morphed into a scowl then his face went blank.

     He stood up, glared at Gajeel “This is the other reason why I never brought it up because you would be a dick and I really didn’t want to have to get pissed off again. I thought you had grown up in the years since you’ve made fun of me before Gajeel, but I guess not.” Natsu said his voice sounded cold and hollow, the opposite of how it was a few minutes before. He turned his back on the group and walked into the forest. 

 The group was in shocked silence, Natsu hadn’t even taken a swing at Gajeel like he usually would. In his place though the normally timid Juvia punched his arm. 

      “The hell waterwoman!” He growled rubbing his shoulder. 

      “That was a real jerk move Gajeel! He trusted us enough to tell us that and you made fun of him!” She scolded.

      “What you think he’s tellin’ the truth about some bunny girl living on the moon with magic that will just appear one day?”

      Juvia glared and punched him again, “It doesn’t matter if Juvia believes it or not! Natsu does and he’s our friend so we should be nice and supportive of him! Either he’ll realize one day that she isn’t real, or she’ll show up one day and we’ll get to meet her! Natsu has always been supportive of Juvia’s thoughts and beliefs and has never once made fun of something that you guys cared a lot about. Natsu has always been able to tell what was really important to us and respected that.”

      Juvia let out a frustrated noise, “Ugh! Juvia is very upset with Gajeel, but she is going to find Natsu and apologize.” She stood up and stomped off in the direction that Natsu had disappeared to.

 When Juvia caught up to Natsu he was sitting atop a boulder in the middle of a clearing staring up at the moon. He let out a sigh before burying his hands in his hair. 

      “I should have known they wouldn’t believe me Luce, but a part of me hoped that they would. They would love to get to know you and become friends with you especially Levy, she loves books as much as you do. And you and Erza would bond over shopping and all that girly crap and even though Juvia is shy at first as long as you don’t fall in love with Gray you too will get along.” He said ending with a small laugh. “I wish they could talk to you now. You can’t use any of your magic to like visit them in their dreams and threaten to curse them if they’re still dicks?”

      Natsu paused as if he were listening to someone and let out a laugh making Juvia jump. “Only, you would say something like that Luce. Thank you though, I really appreciate you sayin’ that.” He gave the moon a dopey grin that had Juvia smiling along. She looked up at the moon and gave it, sorry her, a smile. 

      “What? Someone’s here?” Natsu murmured before turning around and locking eyes with Juvia. Walls seemed to go up around his expression and it turned blank. 

      “What do you need Juvia, I’ll be back at the camp in a few no need to worry about me.”

     Juvia took a deep breath and walked into the clearing, “Will you tell Juvia a bit about Lucy? She must be pretty great if she’s got you smiling like that.” She smiled at Natsu then looked at the moon, “Juvia is sorry to be interrupting your conversation with Natsu, Lucy but our friend was being a bit of a jerk about you, but Juvia wants to get to know you better before Juvia gets to meet you in person in a few years.” 

     Natsu’s mouth was agape and his eyes were wide in shock, “You believe me?” he whispered in disbelief.

      “Of course Juvia does Natsu. Natsu has no reason to lie to Juvia and Natsu believes Juvia too.” she placed a hand on his shoulder, “Can Juvia sit down while you tell her about Lucy?”

Natsu, still in a state of disbelief, shifted over to give her space to sit. He shook out of his shock and gave Juvia a face splitting grin before he started to rant about Lucy, how they first met, and almost everything that he learned about her, occasionally being interrupted by the moon sprite either correcting him or having him translate what she was saying to the earth girl. 

     The trio talked until the sun was close to rising, “Lucy has to go now Juvia, she thanks you though and is glad that you two can be friends. She said that you can talk to her anytime and she’ll be listening even if you can’t hear her back. All you have to do is say her name while looking at the moon and she’ll be there.” Natsu smiled at the blue-haired girl, “Thank you for believing me Juvia, you’re a really great friend. When Gray gets his head out of his ass he’ll realize how great of a girl you are and you guys will start dating. You’ll be a great influence on him.”

      He gave Juvia his signature grin before giving her a hug, “If you ever need me to do anything Juvia,” He said then pushed her back lightly gripping her shoulders looking at her seriously, “ And I mean anything Juvia like if you want me to beat up Gray because he doesn’t compliment your hair one day, I’ll do it.” 

      Juvia let out a string of laughter, “Okay Natsu, Juvia will do that, but Juvia will probably not have you beat up her beloved Gray-sama anytime soon.” 

      Natsu laughed and nodded, “Got it Juvi. Let’s head back to camp so they don’t think we got attacked by wild animals or abducted by aliens.” He slung his arm over Juvia’s shoulder and the pair began their walk back to the camp.

 ★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

 Two years and a couple of months had passed since the camping trip and Natsu had moved out of his parent's house and into an apartment. He had been saving up for this apartment for over two years. It was a cozy little two-bedroom apartment, and it almost felt like home to Natsu. It had some hand me down furniture in the kitchen and living room from his parents, but he had made sure to buy nice beds for the two bedrooms and decorated the walls of one with pictures of him and his friends while the other was simpler with glow in the dark stars on the ceiling laid out to match the night sky in summer. 

Natsu took a deep breath as the sun began to set. Tonight was finally the first full moon after Lucy’s 18th birthday, meaning that in the next hour he would finally get to meet his best friend and crush of over 14 years. He had already started pacing and feeling nervous. He had triple checked everything to make sure that Lucy would feel comfortable at his place, he had cleaned and made sure the fridge was stocked but he still felt like he was forgetting something important. 

He picked up his phone and dialed the phone number of the girl that had become his closest friend. 

      “Juvia! She’s going to be here soon and I think I’m forgetting something and I don’t know what it is! I cleaned the house and the fridge is full. Her room is set up! I don’t know what it could be! I just want everything to be perfect for her first day here!” Natsu rambled.

     “Natsu. Take a deep breath. Are you dressed?” Juvia’s voice was calm on the other side. She was used to him freaking out about this by now, he had been in a panic these past few days not knowing what he should do to make Lucy comfortable on Earth. 

      Natsu looked down and saw that he was still in his boxers with chibi dragons. “Shit. I thought I had put on pants.” He scrambled to his room, his phone echoing with Juvia’s laughter. 

      “Everything will be okay Natsu. You’ve known Lucy for 14 years. Juvia is sure she would be happy if you still lived at your parent’s place. She’s Lucy, you know her.” She reassured him, “And when she's all settled and she feels up to it Juvia would love to get to meet her too.” 

      “You could come over now Juvi, Luce would love to get to see you, she talks about you a lot,” Natsu said as he buttoned up his slacks. He had decided to dress up a bit to try to impress Lucy a bit. 

      “Juvia is fine Natsu. This first meeting is something that you two deserve alone time for. Have been waiting for this for over 14 years. Juvia can wait a few days, but don’t hog her for too long. Juvia needs to shove Lucy’s existence into Gray and Gajeel’s face for being pricks about her growing up.” 

      Natsu laughed, “Thank you Juvia. I’m so excited to see her but I’m also fucking terrified. What if she decides not to come down and stays on the moon, or what if she regrets coming down and she wants to go back but she's stuck here forever…” his thoughts began spiraling into a negative space that it really only went to during the night after his talks with Lucy. 

     “Natsu! Shut up and get out of your head!” Juvia scolded. 

      “Wow never thought I would hear that.” a deep voice echoed from Juvia’s side of the phone. 

      “Shut up Gray.” She snapped. The sound of a door was heard closing behind her before Juvia’s voice softened, “Natsu, you know that Lucy doesn’t break her promises and she promised that she would come down to Earth, and you know how much she’s rambled on about coming down here and getting to meet us, but mostly you.” 

      Natsu could feel his cheeks warm as she continued, “Especially you Natsu, you’re her oldest friend and probably first and only love. Mavis knows how much you love her.” 

      Natsu sputtered at her bluntness, “Juvia! You can’t just say that!” 

       “Why not? It's the truth, you talk about her with the same fondness that Gajeel does about Levy, Jellal does about Erza, and that Juvia does about Gray.” 

      Natsu’s face was probably the color of Erza’s hair, “I know that, but you don’t need to say it out loud. It’s embarrassing.” 

      The moon’s light began to shine brighter into Natsu’s living room from the sliding glass doors leading to the balcony. “Shit Juvia she’s coming. Oh, Mavis what if I screw things up. No no no this is Luce everything will be okay.” He said teetering off into a mumble before he took a deep breath. “I’ll message you later Juvia.” 

      “Have fun Natsu!” Juvia said before she hung up. 

 Natsu slipped his phone into his back pocket and watched as the moon’s glow began to get brighter and brighter until it was almost blinding. He turned his head away to protect his eyes then looked back to the silhouette of a girl standing on his balcony. He scrambled to the door and locked eyes with probably the most beautiful girl he had seen. She had hair that was as golden as the stars, her skin was as pale as the moon itself, and her eyes, Mavis her eyes, were a warm chocolate brown that seemed to hold galaxies in their depth. The girl smiled and Natsu felt his heart stop before he could get his body to work and give the girl a smile in return. 

      Natsu slid the door open and immediately embraced the girl. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to give you a hug Luce.” He could feel tears prick the edge of his eyes. He felt his anxieties disappear, he was finally holding Lucy in his arms. She was real. She wasn’t a figment of his imagination or an imaginary friend, she was a moon sprite that gave up her powers to live with him. 

     He heard sniffles and could feel her shoulders shake. “I would guess as long as I’ve wanted this too Natsu,” Lucy said as she hugged him tighter. 

 Natsu let the tears that he had been holding back go as he nuzzled into the top of her head.

      “You’re finally here. You’re really here. I’m never fucking letting you go.” He said in disbelief and she let out a watery laugh. 

      “I would hope not Natsu because I’m not letting you go either.” 

 The pair stood outside in a hug until the sound of Nastu’s stomach interrupted them. 

      “Shit. Stupid stomach I just fed you. Shut up so I can keep hugging Luce.” He pouted and gave the girl another squeeze. 

      Lucy giggled, “We should probably head inside so we can talk about stuff and get some food.” 

      Natsu sighed before he lifted up the girl and walked them into the house. Lucy let out a surprised squeak before she laughed at his antics, “You can let me go Natsu I do have two working legs you know.” 

      “Nope, I said I was never letting you go and I’m not. You’re stuck with me forever now. No takesies backsies.” He said plopping the two of them down on the sofa readjusting so Lucy could be more comfortable.

      “You do know that I’m not going anywhere right? We’re together forever now, even if we aren’t attached at the hip. I promise I won’t leave you, and you know that I never break my promises.” Lucy said with a sigh pushing back on the boy’s chest to get a better look at him. 

He was just as, if not more, handsome than Lucy thought he would be. His tanned skin and vibrant pink hair were a strange combination but it suited him so well. His sharp green eyes seemed to go on forever and his smile was something that Lucy wanted to see forever. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes again and watched as panic washed over his face. 

      “Shit whats wrong Luce? Did I do something to upset ya? I’ll let you go if you’re starting to get uncomfortable!” he rambled not wanting to make the former sprite feel pressured into doing something that she didn’t want to do. 

      Lucy let out a watery laugh, “It’s nothing like that Natsu. It’s just that I’m so happy to finally be with you.” She sniffled, “I never thought that I would be able to do thing but with your help I really did it! I love you so much Natsu.” 

     Natsu’s eyes widened before they softened into what can only be described as a look of pure adoration. His hand slid up the side of Lucy’s cheeks wiping away the tears that fell. “I love you too Luce. I love you to the moon and beyond.” 

      Lucy leaned down and Natsu leaned up and the two met in a soft kiss. They parted and gave the other a soft smile. Natsu pulled Lucy gently back until their foreheads touched, “Thank you for existing and for giving up your powers to be here with me.” 

      Lucy smiled, “You’re a lot better than the ability to make lights turn on at will, I can tell you that much.” She joked before pecking his lips lightly, “I will miss being able to fly but I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it up to me.”

      Natsu laughed, “I’m sure I’ll think of something, if not I’ll get Juvia to help me. Oh! Before I forget can we take a picture to send to Juvia? She’s been wanting to see you.” he said scrambling for his phone while trying to not let go of the girl.

      “Of course! You’ll have to take me to actually meet with her in person soon! I wanna see her! And all your other friends too, but Juvia first because she believed you about me.” She pouted, “The other ones were dicks and I can’t wait to shove my existence in their faces!” 

 He laughed again before opening his phone up and going to the camera app to take a selfie. When the pair felt the picture was good enough (i.e. when Lucy thought the picture was good enough) they sent it to Juvia. Natsu then threw his phone to the other side of the couch and the pair snuggled up together and began talking about their plans for the next week. 

 A few blocks away Juvia’s phone lit up with a notification from Natsu. She looked away from the movie that she and Gray were watching to look at the message and let out a squeal before shoving her phone in Gray’s face. 

      “Juvia told you, Gray! Juvia told you for years but you never believed her and Natsu!” She cheered as Gray pulled the phone away from his face and his jaw dropped.

 In the picture, Natsu was sitting next to a pretty blonde girl that he had never seen before, the text below read ‘Luce says hi!’

[sapphosewrites]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Julian Bashir & Elim Garak Characters: Julian Bashir, Elim Garak Additional Tags: Autism, Autistic Meltdown, Stimming, Self-Injurious Stims, Self-Harm, Sort Of, Autistic Julian Bashir, First Kiss, POV Julian Bashir, Temple Grandin, Bathing/Washing, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Richard Bashir's A+ Parenting, Hurt Julian Bashir, Comforting Elim Garak, author is autistic, Julian Bashir needs a hug, Cuddling & Snuggling Summary:

"“Are you quite all right? This is the third time you’ve gotten ‘distracted’ during our lunch. Don’t tell me I’m boring you!” Garak smiled faintly, knowing this wasn’t the case. “Of course not, Garak. I’m sorry, I’m just feeling rather tired this afternoon.” Julian smiled at his friend. This time it was somewhat of a false smile. Not completely, he really did enjoy the other’s company, but he didn’t really feel like smiling."

Julian is autistic and has a meltdown for no apparent reason.

To my anon who asked for recs of Autistic Julian and supportive Garak a while back- I think you would like this fic!

[jawsofhakkontranscript]

The Loss of a Friend

Side quest: The Loss of a Friend

Characters involved: Lace Harding, Scout Grandin

Grandin, an Inquisition scout, has disappeared in the Frostback Basin. Grandin's friend was recently murdered and Scout Harding is concerned about Grandin's safety.

(Approach Scout Harding after completing the side quest “Lead the Charge” and initiating the side quest “Jawbreaker”.)

Harding: Did you see Scout Grandin on your way back? He should be on watch, but he's gone. Grandin was a good friend of Jace Turbot, one of the researchers. He was killed by Hakkonites. I'm starting to worry that Grandin's gone and done something... stupid. He was supposed to send word back when he reached his station, but... nothing. Keep an eye out for him, please? For me?

(Ambient dialogue in the Inquisition’s camp)

Female soldier: You've heard about Jace?

Male soldier: (Sighs.) I have.

(Search for Grandin in the Frostback Basin. Follow the trail of carnage. Find Grandin’s orders.)

Note text:

“A brief note, followed by a rough map of the area with key points marked:

Grandin,

Details are below. We need to keep to our patrols—it will allow us the upper hand.

I understand where you're coming from. Word has been sent to Jace's family. I promise you: whoever did this will face justice.

Harding”

PC: Orders for Grandin.

Party comments:

Iron Bull: Looks like he survived the fight with the Hakkonites. Won't get far on his own, though.

Cassandra: And dead Hakkonites. Impressive that he fought them off alone.

Blackwall: And dead Hakkonites. Hope he hasn't run into more trouble.

(After running into a pile of burning bodies near where Note: A Warning can be found, attached to a dagger plunged into a dead Hakkonite.)

PC: These were Hakkonites.

Party comments:

Iron Bull: That dagger has the Inquisition seal. Fair bet our missing scout came this way.

Varric: And that's an Inquisition dagger. Harding said that scout might try something stupid.

Vivienne: One of our soldiers has been through here. That dagger bears the Inquisition crest.

Blackwall: A dagger with the Inquisition seal. Property of our missing soldier?

Solas: That dagger bears the Inquisition's crest. Perhaps the missing scout came this way.

Cassandra: That dagger bears the Inquisition crest. Could it belong to the missing scout?

Dorian: He has an Inquisition dagger in his back. Property of our missing soldier, perhaps?

(After running into another pile of burning bodies.)

Party comments:

Iron Bull: More dead Hakkon warriors.

Dorian: Someone's cut their way through these Hakkon warriors. I can't decide if it's impressive or disconcerting.

Cassandra: More dead Hakkon warriors. Could one man accomplish this?

Blackwall: Maker. More dead Hakkon warriors.

Cole: Too much, too sharp. Something's wrong.

(Enter the Ancient Culvert where Grandin has hidden.)

PC: The Inquisition soldier. Grandin?

Party comments:

Solas: Careful. Something is amiss here.

Cassandra: Something's not right.

Dorian: Something doesn't feel right.

Vivienne: Be cautious. Something feels wrong.

Cole: No. He's different.

(Approach Grandin.)

Grandin: Inquisitor. I've abandoned my post, haven't I? I had cause. Just missing the permission part.

PC: Harding told us about your friend Jace.

Grandin: He was studying at the University. Those Hakkon bastards. Jace wasn't a soldier—he wasn't even armed. After this, he was going to show me Val Royeaux. I've never been. I thought we might... I can't let this happen.

Dialogue options:

General: I'm sorry. [1]

General: I can't believe you're alone. [2]

General: It's never easy. [3]

[1] General: I'm sorry.

PC: I'm sorry, Grandin. [4]

[2] General: I can't believe you're alone.

PC: You've been fighting your way through the Jaws of Hakkon? Alone?

Grandin: (Laughs). [4]

[3] General: It's never easy.

PC: We don't want to lose anyone. Sometimes we have no choice. [4]

[4] Grandin: I wasn't a soldier either, not before this. I lived in the Circle. Never had the skill for combat spells, so I picked up a sword. I wanted to fight for the Inquisition. The Jaws of Hakkon almost ended that, too. I was bleeding out when it saw me. It knows what I know. They will not kill more people. Not like Jace. I will protect them, Inquisitor.

Party comments:

Solas: And then? Will you stop or will the rage take you?

Varric: This is bad.

[5] Dialogue options:

Investigate: You can leave, spirit. [6]

General: Serve as you are. [7]

General: I can't let you go, demon. [8]

[6] Investigate: You can leave, spirit.

PC: It doesn't have to be this way. Release Grandin, spirit.

Grandin: Release? The spirit remains because I want it to. I will protect our people. I want to fight, Inquisitor. [Back to 5]

[7] General: Serve as you are.

PC: Very well. Go.

Grandin: Thank you, Inquisitor. I serve your cause—I swear to it.

(The screen fades to black. Grandin leaves.)

Party comments:

Dorian: No chance of this ending poorly. Spirits can always be taken at face value.

Iron Bull: Hope he sticks to killing those Hakkon assholes.

Cole: Hakkonites hurt people. It wants to kill them. It doesn't know how to stop.

Vivienne: Suffering a demon to live is never a lesser of two evils.

(Report back to Harding.) [Go to 9]

[8] General: I can't let you go, demon.

PC: You're not walking out of here, demon.

Grandin: If you stop me, then I cannot stop them. I won't allow it.

(Grandin turns into a full Rage demon. A fight ensues, Grandind dies.)

Party comments:

Varric: (Sighs.) Better than leaving him as an abomination.

Sera: Stupid demons and what they frigging do.

Blackwall: Poor lad.

Cassandra: Harding will inform the family of the death... if not the details.

(Report back to Harding.) [Go to 9]

[9] Dialogue options:

General: I found Grandin. [10]

[10] General: I found Grandin

PC: I've news about Scout Grandin.

Harding: Maker. Don't tell me. He's dead, isn't he? [11]

[11] Subsequent dialogue options:

General: Yes. [12] (If Grandin was killed.)

General: Not exactly. [13] (If Grandin was allowed to live.)

[12] General: Yes.

PC: Yes, he is dead.

Harding: Another one gone. Just like that. You never get used to it, do you? [14]

[13] General: Not exactly.

PC: He's not dead. Technically. He's actually possessed and taking revenge on the Hakkonites.

Harding: I was not expecting that answer. I... I need some time. But he's as good as dead, isn't he? [14]

[14] Harding: Maker. I'll miss him. The boy was great company. Terrible jokes, but that was part of his charm, you know? [Exits the conversation]

[ofstarsandvibranium]

So as someone who was diagnosed with it at nine years old and has gone to college to be a special education teacher I know alot about this subject. First off, women are typically way less diagnosed than men and diagnosed at older ages because we are able to do something called "masking" where we match the people socially around us. This is also because girls have harder social pressure on them. (I mean...men can mask too but women are more likely to do it.) (1/?)

Women are majorly under represented in media with autism. If you google tv shows and movies about autism almost all the characters are male. Some of them not even good representations. Tv shows include "The Good Doctor", "Atypical", and "Parenthood." The only film I know the correctly represents a women with Autism is "Temple Grandin" about a scientist with Autism. And not many people have heard of that film or Temple Grandin either. (2/?)

Media portrays us as unempathetic, uncaring people when I can be an overly affectionate person. ABA is also very traumatic and damaging to people with Autism because it teachers them to do anything someone asks and with holds such things as food, and stimming activites, and calming activities and holds them hostage until the person does what they therapist wants. (3/?)

Autism speaks is also a horrible organization because they've made several ads saying that an Autism diagnosis is going t break up your marriage. They made a documentary where a woman literally said she would have driven off a bridge with her daugther with Autism is it wasn't for her nuerotypical child. And they dont have anyone with Autism on their board of directors. They try ti silence us and tell us what we should and should not want (4/?)

Not to mention that the reason Anti-vaxxers are around is becayse of that article printed 20 years ago that said Vaccines Cause Autism. Meaning they would rather want a dead child than a child with Autism. Meaning they would rather want ME dead than have Autism. Also I was told by a 15 yo that I was not Autisitc because she'd been around people with Autism and I acted nothing like them. (5/?)

Oh, I've just lived with it for 21 years and went to school for four years for it and have it on my medical records but yeah I'm faking it for attention. Thats what my fourth grade teacher said and she made an example out of me the rest of the year. Many people do not understand Autism and Aspergers which is a form of Autism. And it's sad that I get told I know nothing yet I live with it every day. (6/?)

That is why I went to school to be a teacher. To teach those kids with Mental Illnesses and invisible disabilities that were not getting help from other teachers because they didn't understand. (Sorry to go on a rant but since you didn't know much I thought I'd give you a crash course). If you have any other questions feel free to please ask me :)

Wow. Okay. So I knew about the bad rep of Autism Speaks and how anti-vaxxers logic is just stupid. But I didn’t realize it until now the under representation of Autistic women in modern media. I realize that a lot of the portrayal has been with boys/men. 

I’ve actually worked with two autistic kids at work and my church, but despite that I still know very little about the condition as well as the social issues behind it. 

Thank you for educating me and making me realize the underrepresentation of Autistic women.

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

22 for Damian if you’re still doing them, thank you!

22: People who’ve influenced them greatly

A quick but heartfelt list, in no order of magnitude:

Bruce Wayne

Dick Grayson

Ra’s al Ghul (not all influences are positive)

Jason Todd

The League’s weaponsmaster

Jane Goodall

Talia al Ghul

Miss Yi, his social studies teacher

Alfred Pennyworth

Cassandra Cain

Steve Irwin

Jacques Cousteau

Tim Drake (he will never admit it)

Jon Kent

Martha Kent

Stephanie Brown (this secret he will carry to his grave)

Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners)

Temple Grandin

Note: This is a very Western list because I, Lurker, am American. Sorry.

[gavotteandgigue]

Meme

Thanks for the tag @salmonellagogo.

Rules: tag 9 people you’d like to get to know better

Top 3 ships: I’m basically a Jason Todd shipper. I’ve been doing a lot of Slade/Jay lately, but I also like Jay/Dick. 3rd one... that’s tough... there’s so many I like to read (like, I want to read more Bru/Jay), but in terms of writing how about Corinthian/Jason lol

Last movie:

At the theater: Frozen 2 (I loved it, but not as good as the first one)

At home: Cars 3 (can you see a trend here? 😂 )

Reading: I am finally getting around to reading books by Temple Grandin. I’m currently reading The Autistic Brain, and hope to get through a few more of her books the next couple months. This is interesting and insightful on so many levels for me as a parent and for me as someone who obsessively deep dives into a lot of things I do.

What food are you craving right now?

I haven’t had Korean in a long time :(  Its getting warm but I still would welcome a bowl of soondubu jjigae

Tagging: Oh gosh, who hasn’t been tagged??? I’m terrible at thinking of people to tag so sorry if I didn’t. if you see this and want to do it go for it.  @elwon  @volaviwrites @drunkraiinbow @dnky @primeemeraldheiress