#sorry I've been drinking I kinda started crying about this LOL

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

Axl Low is literally insane and inhuman for making that decision at the end of Xrd btw. I know I keep bringing it up but I really don't think we appreciate just how fucking different you have to be to make that decision. Axl lived his whole life doing the right thing and trying to make the world around him better (ending gang violence in his neighborhood, refusing to take a life no matter what, that bit that mentions he cannot ignore someone in trouble) and after all that effort, he gets fucking shafted by fate. I need you to understand that for the majority of this series HE DID NOT HAVE CONTROL OF HIS TIME POWERS: HE WAS SLIPPING TO RANDOM POINTS IN TIME AND HAD NO IDEA WHY. There are a few moments where he gets happy with a specific situation and TIME SLIPS IMMEDIATELY! This happens to him for YEARS. Do you know how insane that would make the average person? He misses his home, he misses his friends, he misses his wife Tails (he misses her a lot), and he just can't do anything about it.

Now imagine after all that you find out you can go back. You have a way back home. "Finally, it's fucking over. I can be done"

Oh but hold on! You are a Time God now, a "Possibility!" If you go back you are essentially killing everyone in THIS timeline (which is fucked up and shitty and plagued by monsters, arguably) and you are just a normal man who has to cope with all of that! But hey, go back if you want, it's your power.

After YEARS of putting up with all that. Put yourself in Axl's shoes. Look me in the eye and tell me you'd give a flying fuck about any of that. Aren't you fucking tired at this point? You didn't ask for this. You were stolen from your time without your consent and time powers got basically stapled to you and now its YOUR fault? You should give a shit and be stuck here forever because of that?

Now, REALLY become Axl Low. Really look back at all that angry paragraph and think to yourself "Wow Sai, that's not how Axl thinks of it at all."

Exactly.

Axl agonizes over a decision that should be easy, even if that decision would be monstrous and selfish, because this is a man who is carried by PERSPECTIVE. Axl is a man who will tell you a glass is half full no matter how you phrase the stupid logic problem, and if you dump the glass out completely he'll just go and get you a fresh one. Axl talks to a bunch of people about his decision - hell, as I recall, Sol actually tells him if he tries that shit he'd try and stop him because that's his world you're erasing. Bedman talks about how much he cares for his sister. I-No talks about how no matter how powerful she is, she can never seem to write the future she wants. Axl seeks the advice of all these people and that's when he realizes:

These are people too. These are people just like him. They didn't ask for this fucked up world they're stuck in either, but they're all living in it. They're making it better. If they can all do it, hell, can't Axl do it too?

"A girl passed by a dog's bark bow wow the smell from that cafe makes me hungry I knew all about it"

Isn't there stuff in this world that makes it special too? Isn't life just as beautiful here too? Don't these people deserve to exist too?

"I'm alive. I'm alive. It is dramatic with just that."

He's still kicking isn't he? Sol's still around and he's been through hell - he's still finding time to drink with this goofy brit he keeps bumping into - Can't Axl find a way to live here too?

He outright admits to Sol that Megumi would probably forgive him - it's an impossibly unfair decision after all, he KNOWS that. But I think after seeing himself in all these people he knows what he'd want- he'd want to live and exist.

And Axl Fucking Low says "How could I be a man worthy of Megumi if I did that?" and saves the fucking world with Sol Badguy. He makes an impossible decision and stays here. And he says he's lucky.

You're the unluckiest man alive, Mr Low. I've not seen anyone get more unfairly treated by fate in my life. But then again-

I suppose I can't convince you how much water you've got in that glass.

[sharkboywrites]

HIII If you're accepting requests rn I'd love to ask for something done! Floyd leech x autistic (preferably trans, but it's okay if not as well!) male reader! basically I'd love for my fave character to comfort me lol,,, Like... bodily affirmations, squeezes, lots of sweet kisses... maybe some crying... Idk!! just go with whatever comes to mind! (sorry if too vauge, I feel sooo braindead rn XD)

yah ty if you get around to this!!! it'd make my days so much better, I've already read all the stuff in the floyd x male reader tags so I'm feeling so deprived of good n' comforting content aughhh....

Bad Days

Floyd x autistic trans male reader

A/N: So funny thing I wrote like half of this and then my app reset so I have to rewrite almost I’ll of it :,) but anyways this is also kinda a comfort fic for me because I’ve been dealing with a lot of sensory issues and transphobia lately , along with being borderline denied an autism assessment so this is a fic for both of us anon

Trans male reader, autistic reader, dysphoria, sensory issues, autism meltdown, non sexual nudity

Days like these are tough. From the moment you woke up you could tell that something was wrong. It starts with the clothes. The shirt and jacket just feel wrong.

But there’s nothing else to wear so… you wear it. Then it gets worse in class. The temperature is just too much, and it makes your clothes feel so much worse, like you want to just scratch at your skin until the feeling stopped.

The noises the people make around you are unbearable. The gum chewing, the lip smacking, all of it is just to much. It makes you want to tear your hair out and rip your ears off.

The lights are too bright and everyone is just so loud, it’s starting to feel like your getting a migraine, like you just can’t take it anymore and start screaming at any moment.

And of course somehow these feelings just make you more aware of your body. You’re suddenly hyper aware of your chest, your waist, your face, even your voice. It’s all too much.

Luckily, when you first came to Night Raven Colege, you thought ahead about this. It was important for your teachers to understand your situation, diagnosis or not.

Crewel was aware of your situation, and with one look you’re able to slip out of class. You rush back to your dorm as quickly as possible, suddenly grateful that classes were going on so nobody could see you. You can’t help the whines that slip from your throat as you desperately try to hold yourself back from completely breaking down into a mess of screams and cries.

You’re able to quickly make it back to your dorm, locking yourself in your room and throwing off your uniform. Sure, being completely naked almost in tears in your dorm room isn’t the most flattering thing, but you just had to get that stupid uniform off.

Rubbing down the worst feeling parts of your body, you’re able to calm down enough to dig out your favorite clothes and throw them back on, even if they not be in the best state. You just need them right now.

Being able to use any type of noise cancelling headphones or earbuds helps calm you down a little bit more. Just having them in, even if you’re not playing anything, it helps get all of the noises from the day out of your head.

A drink of water also helps. In very few gulps you’re able to swallow almost an entire bottle of water. You lay down in your bed, breathing heavily as you start to calms down in a safer environment.

As you lay in bed, you can feel your soft blanket in your feet, rubbing them back in forth to get a nicer sensation than what you were feeling for most of the day.

Taking a few more sips of water, completely finishing off the water bottle, you take your stim toy of choice. You have all of your favorite options thanks to everyone at NRC giving them to you. As you fidget and play one of your favorite videos, you start to think. You managed to slip out of class, and you didn’t even hurt yourself or make a complete mess of your room. At least that’s some progress.

You’re cut off by your thinking by a knock on the door. Not able to form words at the moments, you pull yourself out of bed and peek out of the door.

Standing there is your tall, rather intimating boyfriend.

“Eh? Shirmpy what happened? You just left class so suddenly…”

He has his usual playful drone to his voice, but you can tell the slight hint of concern, a difference you’re sure only you and his brother can notice.

You stay silent, just giving him a pained look and hoping he understand. He does.

“Not talkin’? Alright… you want me to stay?”

You’re able to give him a small nod, and he walks right in and practically jumps onto your bed, making grabby hands at you, his mood doing almost a 180, as he usually does.

You could always depend on Floyd to understand what you’re going through. He also has his fair share of his own mood swings and tantrums, he’s never judge you for your own.

You walk back to bed and slowly slink into his arms, leaning against his chest comfortably. Floyd was somehow never too hot or too cold to cuddle with. He was somehow always the perfect temperature no matter what you were feeling. It almost feels like he knows how to control his own body temperature on purpose.

He squeezes you tight, not as hard as he does when he’s mad at someone or intentionally trying to hurt them, but a real, genuine hug. And it’s perfect. Others would complain that his squeezes are way to tight, but to you it’s perfect. He’s almost like a weighted blanket. You’re glad you make him feel safe enough to hug you as hard as he wants with genuine love.

He snuggle close to you, leaving soft kisses on his he top of your head and cheek, but not anywhere that may be uncomfortable in your overstimulated time. He’s mindful of where exactly he’s touching you, he knows what parts don’t want to be touched in these moments, even the most obscure ones.

As the two of you snuggle and watch whatever you chose to put on, he mutters sweet things to you.

“I love yooou.” “My boyfriend….” “My boy.” “So handsome”

It seems like he’s in a lovey mood now. Even with his sudden switches, he always seems to know the right things that you need to hear. He also checks up on how you’re feeling.

“Are ya comfortable?” “Feelin’ any better?” “Are you too warm?” “Do ya want your stuffed animal?” “Want me to move my arms?”

When you aren’t talking, the both of you are in a comfortable silence. It starts to become hard to keep your eyes open after the day you’ve had combined with the cozy environment with your boyfriend holding you tight.

Eventually, you can’t fight the exhaustion anymore and feel yourself starting to drift. Before you fully fall asleep, you feel a soft kiss on the top of your head and the arms around you squeeze just a bit tighter.

“G’night Shirmpy, sweet dreams…”

Aaah I love writing comfort fics. Usually my head cannon style posts do better than my actual fics so I guess I’ll see how this goes. Also this is based on my own experience with autism, so if it doesn’t fit you I’m sorry, Ty for reading and have a nice day

[delilahcalicocat]

Can I have Edge x Fem reader with the prompts “I trust you” + “I love your heart” plss

A/N: Of Course!!! I've added a little backstory to this though <3 and I'll be making a prompt list soon enough lol

♤: prompt 1- I trust you & prompt 2- I love your heart / you for who you are

{Pairing: Edge x Fem!Reader}

{Warnings: Mentions of Smut, Anxiety, Crying, Mentions of Drinking, Swearing}

《Summary: Edge and Y/N have been friends since childhood. And they have a troubled past after a drunken intimate night and Christian brings his Sister to the Royal Rumble to See Edge on Purpose.》

Edge- Adam (Yes Y/n calls him that)

"Y/N, Do you.. Trust.. me?" It'd been weeks since that night happened. But the words stuck in your head.

"Yes.. Adam.. I trust you.." That night wouldn't have broken apart the Years of friendship you and Edge had. You had too many drinks that night.

Christian ended up having to drag you out of the Club. Your own Brother taking you out of the club.

You ended that night with crying, you felt awful.. Edge never admitted it to you either. But he loved you for you. And didn't want that night to be a one night thing..

But here you were, at the royal rumble with Christian. You guys didnt know who'd come out at what time or spot.

You were having a good night until, You heard the familiar song.. 'Metalingus' the song that haunted your dreams.

Your eyes widened in shock, if it weren't for you being front row, you'd knock Christian into another dimension with the amount anger you'd felt.

Christian had set you up, he wanted you to see Edge, you two needed to talk. Christian was secretly Adam's Wingman.

"Christian!" You yelled, your fists balled up

"Calm down sis, you don't wanna embarrass yourself." Christian Sighed

"Gahh! You betrayed me! You told me Adam wasn't gonna be here!" You said.

You two were backstage, as Christian wanted you to go see Adam.

"Seriously, I fucking hate you right now Christian." You growled as Christian dragged you closer and closer to the locker room area.

Eventually you were face to face with Edge. The one thing you'd very much feared

"Hey.. Y/n.." Edge Spoke Quietly

"Hi.. Adam." You said quietly back

"Listen Y/N, our friendship doesn't have to be like this.. I'm sorry for all those years ago... we were drunk and stupid..." Edge Said

Your breath hitched in your throat when he mentioned.. That Night.. you were beyond anxious, you were a wreck.

"Adam- Listen... I don't wanna talk about that night, I fucking hate that night. I came here to apologize for lashing out at you. Not remember 8/12/99." You spoke

"Understandable, I'm just sorry Y/N. It's just.. been too long with out speaking to you.. I just.... missed it.." He said

"What do you mean, you missed it?" You cocked an eyebrow

"I missed talking to you, I... kinda actually love you..-" He spoke

"Wha-" You were in shock

"I mean, you've always been so kind.. I love your heart and you as a whole... your perfect Y/n..." Edge Sighed

"A-Adam.. How long-" You got caught off guard by him kissing you

"Y'know what, forget the past.. we can start this over.." You smiled

[stellas-starry-stove13]

hey hey! i really don't know if ill be ordering correctly but ill try 🧚‍♀️ may I get pancake with milk chocolate and hot chocolate with a strawberry smoothie? rest is up to you!! thank youuuu! <3

♥︎ • “H-Hey... What's wrong?” • ♥︎ Akito x fem! reader

Dish: Pancake

Drink: Strawberry smoothie (childhood friends)

Cuisine: Oneshot

Ingredients: Milk chocolate (hurt/comfort)

Notifying... @akitosheart a pancake has been made!

C/N: lol i changed hot chocolate again. Actually i deleted it from the menu bc fsr i put a drink in the ingredients section??? So yeah if anyones wondering abt that. This probably wasn't what you expected and isn't what I expected either lol. It's more.. Lighthearted(?).. But it still has some hurt/comfort kinda? I'm sorry if this wasn't what you wanted feel free to request again🙏

Damn it... Why do my days always have to start like this? Oh right, it's because I live with him. So annoying... No, he's more than annoying.. He's—

“Oof!”

I grit my teeth and glare down at the clumsy girl in rage, an expression that would send and sensible person running.

“Watch where you're going, damn it!”

I walk away before she has a chance to apologize before stopping in my tracks to take a second glance.

Hmm, wait, she looked familiar..

Turning my head around, I spot her still shaking in her boots as if she's about to have a breakdown just because I yelled at her.

“O-Oi, wait, I didn't mean to scare you, I...”

As I take a step closer, it finally dawns on me who I'm talking to.

“Y/N?!”

She looks as if she recognizes me and is about to say my name back, but her lips quiver slightly as she bows politely.

“S-Sorry for bumping into you!”

I blink in surprise as she apologizes for her clumsiness, but I can't blame her since I did kind of yell at her.

“Um... Don't worry about it. What are you doing back in Shibuya?”

“Uh.. It's.. A long story..”

“Oh. Well, I've got time. Do you wanna talk?”

I notice her hesitation before speaking, but decide not to talk on it.

“Um... Sure.”

My face brightens as her signature smile sends butterflies to my heart, causing me turn away to prevent her lovely eyes from seeing my pink cheeks.

“So... How have things been?”

Turning my head back now that my cheeks are normal again, the way her head turns away when I ask her that question doesn't go unnoticed.

“They've been... Okay..”

Her voice sounds a little shaky... Is she about to cry?!

“Y-Y/N, are you okay??”

“.. Yes...”

My expression morphs to shock after watching a few tears trickle down her cheeks.

“H-Hey... Are you okay?”

I panic and wrap my arms around her awkwardly, desperately trying to lend her the comfort she needs, which seems to do the job.

Once I hug her, she suddenly stops crying and gazes up at me with those adorable, innocent, and doe eyes of hers.

“I'm fine... Thanks.”

She speaks in the most sweetest, cutest tone possible.

“Oi! What the heck was that?”

I immediately retract my arms from her as the heat starts to rise to my cheeks.

“Sorry. I had a bad day and you reminded me of it. But you made me really happy when you hugged me.”

Her cute and childish smile makes my heart pound as I avert my gaze from the girl standing in front of me.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“.... Well.... My cat died today... And I didn't make it into a play I really wanted to be in because they were biased against me.”

The frown runs back to her face, causing me to subconsciously welcome a frown as well.

“.. Oh... Sorry about that.... I guess I just made it worse when I yelled at you.”

“... It's okay.”

I stare at her cute figure intently, feeling my cheeks heat up again as a sigh escapes my mouth.

While catching her by surprise, I wrap my arms around her once more, resting my chin on her head, leaving us both flustered and red.

“.... Do you feel better now?”

“.... Y-Yeah...”

[drabsyo]

Hey drabs,

Firstly, I'm so sorry for my whack English for it's my second language. And I know this is an ask box, but this is the only way I know to send you message anonymously in case this message sounded cringier than what's in my head. lol.

I wanted to say that I hope everything is going well for you because I know that looking for a job these days feels like looking for diamond in a gold mine, which basically almost impossible and I myself is also looking for a job.

And also, I wanted to share a few things in case you get ghosted by the company after weeks of the interview.

1. Have you ever tried Glints or LinkedIn? I don't know what your line of work but perhaps you want to try to apply through those two apps maybe?

2. If the point above still doesn't work, perhaps you should try internship first. I got my first job right after graduating high school because my mentor saw my works are good enough and he recommend me to his boss. But then again, these kinda things are also based on luck, and not to mention that most companies don't pay their intern, so hopefully we don't have to use this tips.

I also wanted to share somethings that helped me to stay sane and during times like that.

1. Don't forget to eat and stay hydrated. As long as you stay hydrated and not hungry, you'll be more focused on the questions the interviewer asked.

2. Don't stay up late. Same goes like the point above, you'll be more focus and have more energy if you sleep enough. And If you're a night owl like me, well... don't forget to drink coffee after you woke up. lol.

3. After all the interviews done for the day, don't forget to reward yourself. Regardless of what happened or whether or not you're accepted, don't forget to reward yourself. It doesn't have to be something grand, something small can do. For me, I usually eat my comfort food that is those korean instant ramen or have a little gaming session.

I know these stuff are basically generic, but I just wanted you to know that no matter what, you are awesome. Sending you all my support and hugs, good luck Drabs ❤

Hey anon! Oh my goshhh first of all, thank you so much for this. It's been a rough few months, exhausting really. I received your message right after I finished my interview, and I know it sounds lame, but it almost made me cry! To know that you care enough about me to leave me this message is so heart warming. So. Thank you. ❤

Your English is wonderful, please don't ever apologize for that and this message is not cringe at all, FAR from it. I'm saving this ask!

I haven't tried Glints or LinkedIn yet. It's also the first time I've heard of Glints, so I might give it a shot. Thank you for the tip! I'll go check it out. My usual method has been applying for jobs on JobStreet.

Glad to hear your mentor was really impressed by your works!!! ❤ I did have an internship before, but the company where I had my internship in ran out of budget for our department so they weren't hiring. Plus, my supervisor from there also resigned. And I was also the unpaid intern!

I keep forgetting to stay hydrated. Yesterday, the interviewer made us wait for an hour and twenty minutes before the interview started and no one would tell us what was happening. I was so thirsty, it was embarrassing. Not to mention I had a fever, yikes. Hope you're staying hydrated on your job hunt too ❤

Ughhgghh I am a night owl too and I absolutely hate it, anon. I love it, but I also hate it? You know what I mean. I am looking into night shift options though. My friends who work the graveyard shift tell me it's disorienting. Maybe we should consider it, what with us being night owls and all? Hm.

Yes!! A quick gaming session does wonders for my anxiety after an interview. That, or I play some music really loud to tune out my thoughts for the day. Or I just lay in bed. Pet my cat. Read fanfiction. Go on tumblr. And now, I have this ask to go back to too ❤ It's the small wins, for sure. I'm happy to hear you give yourself these small rewards too ❤

Anon, this means a lot to me. Grinned like an idiot reading your tips. And please, take your own advice too. Stay hydrated, do things that make you happy, try to get 8 hours of sleep, and take care of yourself. I sincerely hope you're doing great, staying healthy, and are loved. World's tough. Really tough. You've got me in your corner, anon! Sending you hugs!!!! And all my love ❤❤❤

[mischievoussilvertongue]

Welcome everyone, to my blog that I will likely mostly dedicate to Inkheart and other whump/angst things that I will write when I am bored. Hi! I have been thinking on how to introduce this and why not start with some immediate Dustfinger angst? And if you don't know what and who I am talking about, then I feel sorry for you.

Anyways! I hope we all know what history Dustfinger and The Black Prince share? Good because I can't stop thinking about them when listening to Ribs - by Lorde. Here is the song AND how I link it to Dustfinger and The Prince. Enjoy.

(also apologies, this will be pretty long)

All of this is platonic btw.

The drink you spilt all over me

"Lover's Spit" left on repeat

My mom and dad let me stay home

It drives you crazy getting old

Alright so the one line I rly focus here is the last one, although maybe one can see the others as how they met or whatever but I don't want to do that so I just leave that out for now.

This is Dustfinger talking to the Prince. "It drives you crazy getting old" is him telling how the prince doesn't want to grow up. We know they met as kids and so this is as they are growing older. Dustfinger doesn't think it's too bad but the prince doesn't want the responsibility of an adult, nor does he want to stop playing and living the careless life of a kid and Dustfinger kind of mocks him a little bit. Although he can understand him to some degree.

We can talk it so good

We can make it so divine

We can talk it good

How you wish it would be all the time

The two of them sticking together throughout growing up, facing problems together and becoming good friends. "How you wish it would be all the time." again referring to the prince who wants this to be forever, the being a kid and just loving life running around and having fun.

The drink you spilt all over me

"Lover's Spit" left on repeat

My mom and dad let me stay home

It drives you crazy getting old

(Repetition of the prior ones, but they are older now like young adults, maybe 18 or 20)

The drink you spilt all over me

"Lover's Spit" left on repeat

My mom and dad let me stay home

It drives you crazy getting old

Again, memories but this time its the prince stating that Dustfinger now in the other world is scared bcs "he has a feeling" and I have Meta-knowledge lol. Essentially it's the prince describing how Dustfinger will feel in our world without knowing. More detail in the next verses but essentially their rolls are flipped for this verse.

This dream isn't feeling sweet

We're reeling through the midnight streets

And I've never felt more alone

It feels so scary getting old

Alright buckle up bcs I have a scene for this one:

Dustfinger sits in the ground, back leaned against a wall, legs pulled up, arms wrapped around and head resting on his knees. It it raining. He looks up at 'this dream isn't feeling sweet' and you see that he has been crying. Throughout the other lines you see how much he misses his old life. And honestly he looks like a hungry, drenched, stray dog because what else is he anyways in our world? And now he is the one saying it is scary to get old because he is all alone *just like song says aaahg*

*ahem*

I want 'em back, I want 'em back

The minds we had, the minds we had

How all the thoughts, how all the thoughts

Moved 'round our heads, moved 'round our heads

he missed his old life and especially the black prince, how they used to have fun together, etc.

I want 'em back, I want 'em back

The minds we had, the minds we had

It's not enough to feel the lack

I want 'em back, I want 'em back, I want 'em back

same thing! I would also say he misses Roxanne and could have this be about her but this song is for the friendship of him and the prince, my mind kinda just decided that. I have other songs for Roxanne and dustfingers relationship.

You're the only friend I need (you're the only friend I need)

Sharing beds like little kids (sharing beds like little kids)

And laughing 'til our ribs get tough (laughing 'til our ribs get tough)

But that will never be enough (but that will never be enough)

the main voice is dustfinger thinking/saying/whatever it says. The echo is the prince on the other side of the book pages, missing Dustfinger just as much and basically echoing him without knowing so. "Sharing beds like little kids" both think back to their childhood again and how they grew up together. "But that will never be enough" it's not just a friendship. They are more than friends, they are family, soulmates (platonically) and what not.

You're the only friend I need (you're the only friend I need)

Sharing beds like little kids (sharing beds like little kids)

And laughing 'til our ribs get tough (laughing 'til our ribs get tough)

But that will never be enough (but that will never be enough)

Again this, both thinking of each other at the same time actually. You can visualize it like this I guess: In a video, this would play and you see Dustfinger before it cuts to the prince also singing. The time is the same and so it becomes obvious they are thinking of each other at the same time, etc. You might even get a side by side shot of the two scenes or smth like that.

Jesus Christ this was... A lot. Thank you for coming to my pep talk and I hope you enjoyed the Angst :) I started sketching this but Holy F*ck it's a lot and unfortunately I am not the greatest artist and need a lot of practice still. But one day I will give you the scene that I described with Dustfinger sitting. If u actually read all of this then wow.

I love you and am proud of you! C ya whenever I decide to post again.

[anticapitalistclown]

omfg I AM SO SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING LMFAO

okay basically

my intrusive thoughts are BAD bad. they're violent and fucked up and sad and are just things I'd never do or say

I've been crying over every movement the boys of TO1 make especially Kyungho

I snuck my phone up to my room 3 nights in a row

Kyungho has really nice butt cheeks I want to use them as stress balls

I'm finally getting back into reading books

kinda wanna get into writing also bc all the accounts that write for to1 deactivated

my friend thought TO1's Donggeon was Indian

another friend of mine thought Keeho from P1Harmony was Japanese

I made some new antagonist OCs who are a group of 3-4 boys called The Drama Lovers

all the girls in my story are living in peace and harmony and the boys are just fighting and backstabbing and having world war 3

I want to1 to cover Dragon by Tempest bc they'd fucking kill it

Chan from TO1 still hasn't apologized for his actions. everyone hates him now and he looks like an egg

the band maneskin is just amazing omfg. AND they're funny af also lol

here's some Kyungho 🍑 to bless ur day (he is the one w/ purple hair)

former to1 member Minsu also got Instagram and he's been drinking beer and he has big veiny manly looking hands and I never noticed bc he's so smol and cute and looks like he's 13.

donggeon has been posting selfies with his whole chest exposed and then acts like he didn't just murder the whole fandom

boys planet Twitter is going crazy over the trainee Ricky. someone made a playlist of songs that describe Ricky and it's just songs like Boss Bitch by doja cat, money by Lisa, rich girl by Gwen Stefani, and diva by Beyonce XD

did I mention I want to use Kyunghos huge ass as a stress ball

WELCOME BACK I MISSED YOU APPEARING RANDOMLY ON MY ASKBOX

I felt that bc I also had intrusive thoughts and they're really fucked up, hope they vanish

I also felt when you talk like this about Kyungho, it's basically me with Jake lmao

hope you're enjoying the books

I started this blog bc there were no headcanons about Jake lmao

I like the name of "The Drama Lovers"

boys will be boys

I'm curious about what Chan did, I'll search it later.

Maneskin are cool

THE ASS JAHAGHJGGDA

and yes you did mention it, and you have all the rights to say it lmao

[tkeyahwrotethis]

been in mommy bliss and college girl mode all week so I haven't written anything new yet. I've been journaling a lot.

I have lots of inspiration to choose from between my guy friends and group therapy with other single moms.

Just a bit of my real in person life for a second.

I finally feel closure and I'm able to move on from the dumpster fire of my baby daddy.

I matched with this photographer on tinder who is kinda famous in Brooklyn but also has a house in the burbs out here where I live. He's a single dad to a biracial child, so I didn't have to wonder if he liked Black girls or not and he is such an active father. I personally knew we could never date because he usually does photoshoots for half naked (or butt ass naked) instagram baddies and the way my jealousy is set up....

but I like his art, his passion for film and color, and his vision for his models. he could DRESS for a white boy.

anyways, we met for coffee at Starbucks, it's not my usual spot. I told my family I was going grocery shopping, so I had a few hours to spare. The conversation went really well in Starbucks and I started drinking his coffee by accident lol he told me take the coffee to go and we went to his car in the parking lot.

he told me his bm was still really young and just dropped his son off one day and never came back. She still wants to party and be on the scene and in a new relationship. His parents (these elderly white people) keep his son here in the burbs when he has to be on the scene in the studio in Brooklyn.

We talked about really heavy topics about what it means to raise biracial children in America. How scary it is to be new parents and single parents.

THEN THE COMPLIMENTS STARTED ROLLING IN

as my first coffee date postpartum he was making me feel so sexy and so beautiful I was blushing so much. I didnt feel like someone's mom or insecure about my body. The eye contact was really nice and I just felt seen. Then he asked if he could kiss me and I didn't know what to say no one ever asked to kiss me before so I was like idk, no. and he was like well can you kiss me? and I said maybe ... where?? and he was like my neck. So I started kissing him on his neck then I started licking the tattoos on his neck. then we kissed.

He kept tryna get me to the backseat but I was like I'm someone's mother... and he would respond and be like and? i'm someones father and we'd have a little laugh. Then idk I just.. panicked. I started hysterically crying and I told him I felt really guilty dating with a baby at home and Im genuinely not sure why my baby father doesn't fuck with me. I always wanted a family and he ruined that for me.

HE WAS SOOOO UNDERSTANDING

he was like im in the same boat with you. I don't want little 3-6 month situationships. I want a family with my bm but they don't want us, and we deserve love we don't deserve to be lonely so we still have to try and keep putting ourselves out there. then he hugged me deeply. I felt like ruined the date so I was like gotta go im so sorry and I just kinda left things a bit awkward but yeah... hopefully I don't cry on my next date wtf.

[the-inglorious-king-of-dunces]

First time posting

Yo, internet, first time talking to the vast void of the interwebs, I guess.

Uhm, wanna say hi, if anybody reads this, and wants to continue reading this blog in general, it'll be a lot of me talking about life stuff, dnd stuff, transformers stuff, devil may cry, marvel, dragon ball, JJBA, and whatever other stuff I feel passionately about in the moment, as well as some *insert jazz hands here* trauma *insert more jazz hands here* from my ex, who if you see this somehow, I truly forgive you for hurting me, I understand that you were hurt by so many people, by so much trauma you went through, I forgive you because I have to to move on, and I hope that you believe that.

Moving on from that, uhm, something I'm extremely excited about that's happening really soon, gonna be selling my PS4 to a friend of mine so that I can then buy a PS5 within the next week and a half, so that's very cool. I find it very funny, that PS4, my ex gave that to me, after one of their ex's gave it to them, so I guess I wanted to break the cycle and give it to someone I call my brother.

I am also extremely fucking (oh probably should mention, I fucking swear a lot, sorry in advance) excited about the new Spider-man game coming out in October, it looks so awesome, and I'm so happy that I'm finally deciding to buy a PS5 so that I will actually be able to play the new game!

I guess I should also mention, I kinda sort of applied for a part-time job, at my local farmers market, like, when there is an opening available, they might consider me for it. I find it funny, I went to a technical high school for I.T. stuff, now that I'm out of high school, been thinking about what I actually want to do with my life, thinking about making a difference, I'd rather do something like work at a great local business, or work at a homeless shelter, and directly help people in desperate need. I just, I feel like helping people is what I'm supposed to do, like it's what I need to do, like it's what a younger me would be proud of since it's the next best thing to being a superhero, which a young me definitely wanted to become. But, most importantly, I feel like it would make my mom proud. I've been thinking about my mom lately. How much I miss her. I still remember her voice, which I'm happy about, since that's what people forget about a person first after they pass away. She helped people a lot. I really want to do the same. I hope I won't fuck up.

Next on the updates list, I have sent in an application for adult driver's ed at the high school I just graduated from, which is not gonna happen for a while, cause there's no spots available until the fucking winter! I guess people had the same Idea as me, lol. But, at least it's been started, so hell yeah!

I think that's about it for today, might say something again tomorrow, might not, probably will forget to, but know that I'm not dead if I don't say anything tomorrow. Everyone have a wonderful day, and remember to drink a lot of water throughout the day.

[fwacchi]

HI EVE I LOVE THE THEME CHANGE SO MUCH 💙💙

My heart is still not over Axia but HAHA HEY NEW EN WAVE AMIRITE

XSOLEIL is so cute but kinda wish Hex didnt strain his voice 🥹 He's doing what Fulgur used to do, straining a deep voice. You can hear it pretty obviously in his teaser line & in his singing, the difference plus the strain.

I really hope he let's up on that after debut and gives his voice some good TLC 😭

In other news, when I see XSOLEIL, all I see is Hypmic (design) and Paradox Live (vibes/aesthetics)

Hex = Rosho

Doppio = Doppo

Meloco = Otome

LOL but their MV dropped + song is out on spotify. A whole bop. I was surprised they didn't incorporate any japanese considering the only other song that was full English was DCL

AND AND AND ALSO KAGAMI SHACHO BEING THE PROUDEST OLDER BROTHER MOMENT?! ON THE DAY OF XSOLEIL TEASER, HE MADE SUCH A CUTE TWEET!!

(I can't attach pictures but I can ctrl c ctrl v his tweet and do a rough translation of the tweet. My nihongo is yabai desu HAHAHA)

"皆さま、こんばんは🏢🌙

弟が出来た気配がして嬉しい加賀美です(デビューおめでとうございます！)😌

本日は、恐れ入りますが配信をお休みさせて頂きます！

明日夜は配信予定ですのでよろしくお願い致します！！"

"Good evening everyone

I, Kagami Hayato, am happy to have a little brother (Congratulations on your debut)

I apologise for the inconvenience but there won't be a stream today. Stream will be resumed tomorrow so I hope you look forward to it!"

HIS TWEET IS SO CUTE IM CRYING SJXNXNS

Ah in other news, I hope the other anon (was it dango anon?) dont mind me replying but I think a new wave actually makes it harder to choose a favourite?

Because you won't have much to base off on. And because EN is unhinged HAHAHAHA

In my own opinion at the very least, it's actually easier to pick someone randomly. What I did, was to choose a game/stream I liked (for e.g, how I knew Axia was because Pokemon, Vox because Fnaf. Things like that)

You can browse to see if they have something you like, watch a vod or two from there and then slowly branch out! Because at least for Wave 1 - 6 now, they have had a variety of content to choose to start from so it's much easier to pick out a 'favourite'. You don't even have to just choose one because god knows how chaotic EN is HAHAHA

Of course, this is only my opinion so feel free to take that with a grain of salt!

Okay it is 1am as of now I should really go sleep because I have work in a few hours HAHAHA IM SORRY IT'S ANOTHER LONG ONE TODAY EVE

DONT FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER, EAT REGULARLY AND TAKE BREAKS WHEN NEEDED LOVE YOU TAKE CARE

- 🌸

(kinda unrelated to what i've been rambling but thinking about Axia and how he failed 5 times before joining Niji makes me more motivated to try joining. (I've applied like 3 times and failed but I'm not discouraged!!) It's a dream I'm willing to chase! I swear in the future if

Or i guess I should say when because i'm gonna make it happen, but when i get in, I hope you know I'm still going to be stalking your blog Eve because I am a fangirl and will still simp. Also because anonymity got me so I can simp in peace 🥲)

THANK YOUUU🫶🏼

i was taken aback by Hex's voice too pslsjckslc

AND KAGAMI PLSHQIXOD HE'S SO PRECIOUS I'M GLAD HE'S GOT A BROTHER NOW 🥹

omg am i talking to a future vtuber? now I'm nervous HAHAHA if u ever become a vtuber pls don't expose my blogs to the other vtubers 👩🏽‍🦯

[quanxui]

random february thoughts all mashed up in one long post lmao sorry

i've been having hair problems recently and i think i solved it? my hair felt weird and super dry and itchy and there were hair fall everywhere in the room. at first, i thought it was the shampoo i was using because i started using this shampoo from abroad after my baby shampoo ran out and we were all in the middle of a quarantine. i switched to a local shampoo but it was still kinda uncomfortable and i've noticed the increase of hair fall all over the room lol (on the table, the bed, the floor, my back hahahahha) so i spent so much time still musing over it, even after my hair was cut short. my diet is okay and i drink water and sit under the sun once in a while. and then i realized it.

i've never really combed my hair 😔

i've been sporting short hair/boycuts so i just dry my hair and then finger comb to get the hair out of my face and then it's all done. sometimes i leave it as is after drying ajdhasjfhsag

ive been properly combing after bath/drying and before i sleep. i feel much better now. it sometimes slips my mind sometimes so im making an alarm or something to remind me. i have just checked the internet and it says stress can be a factor and indeed, im stressed T-T i have exams, late requirements, and moving out happening all out once. and i still miss my grandpa, i havent watched a single film this month :') i might just remember him and cry a lot. i'll try to destress a bit~

im also very poor with self/physical care. i used to apply lotion before i sleep and after bathing, i'd do stretches in the morning (to grow tall lol) and laundry every week and cleanups around the house until i sweat so much, and then sleep at 11/12 night (ive been doing this recently! yay!), wake up early, and keep up with skincare. but that stuff kinda stopped after i couldn't walk. when i could finally walk it was really difficult to try being "myself" again and i had like all these thoughts about how i feel like past me was a stranger and i got angry at myself because it's like im running after this stranger, like im not over highschool and that's so cringe of me. it was awful.

im trying slowly tho! ive realized that it's not that i want to be like the me before but in the first place, those care stuff i did then were something i did so i wouldnt be self-loathing and so id feel confident with myself. i think three years is too slow, i should get back up hehe

i can do this 😤 go go go aha

[the-original-skipps]

Hiiii skippsss 💖

I got kinda shyyyy sorry, but here it goes(?)

Rn I'm waiting for Black Friday so I can buy a new phone bc my current one is old and kinda almost died when I played genshin on it (sorry if my english is weird, spanish is my main language).

You are so niiiice 💖 its just that, I'm so curious I must try to do stuff I'm interested in at least once. And indeed friend sleeping and napping is a hobby and a style of life, I also love the feeling and my dreams are so cool, everytime I get obsessed by smth I dream of it. Already joined Toman and became Bonten's baby a couple times(?).

I read what you posted about bonten Mikey, it was amaziiiing, idk why but you catch him very well so its easy to connect with the scenario. When I read the prologue/reaction I started thinking about what I would do, I would like to keep the baby because its our baby and I already love him, but if having a baby was something he couldn't do, I would reaaally consider having it, since I wouldn't like for us to separate. Talk everything with Mikey, decide together, don't ask him to do anything but saying he is very important for me, that I love him and I want to be together no matter what, that having a family with him would be a dream come true but I won't impose on him. He gets me so soft, damn.

Anyhoooow, I'll be back to supporting you from the shadows(?) if you hear a "you are awesome skipps!! woo!" out of nowhere, it was me, most likely.

Also, thank you so muuuch for offering support when I was feeling down, it really made me feel better.

Hello!! Ahhh bun bun 💕 what can I call you? Hehe honestly thank you so much for taking the time to write this it made my day 🥺 you can talk to me anytime so no need to be nervous! Ohhh a new phone that's so exciting OMG GENSHIN? we should totally play together and your English is great 😄 noo you're the nice one 🥺 I see well I think it's a great thing to try out new and different things haha yess sleeping and nap is a total way of life I'm glad I found someone who agrees with me

oh ohhh same! That's so cool! Lately mikey has been appearing in my dreams probably a sign for me to open my damn ask box already lol

Ahhh thank youu that's such a huge compliment 🥺 for some reason I've come across so many writings that depict bonten mikey as still the 15 year old mikey which I think isnt who bonten Mikey is. Bonten mikey is someone who has given up being good and completely fell into his dark impulses. Sure he still eats taiyaki like he used to but he's a completely different person now. Bright smiles? Laughing? Affectionate? Nope that's not bonten Mikey for me. He's emotionally detached, quiet and a broken man. It wouldn't make sense for him to be all happy with a pregnancy right away when this man's life is so broken he doesnt know what to feel anymore sorry for the rant haha

Yesss yess I like your way of thinking since forcing him would only make things worse the man is so unstable but what's important is time and understanding and eventually he'll come around ahhh just thinking about him being happy makes me wanna cry tears of joy poor man has been through too much

Awww sweetness! Thank you so much for your support it really means alot to me ❤❤❤ you're always welcome on my blog to rant or just talk about random things I'll always be here for you 🥺 I'm glad you're feeling better remember to drink lots of water and rest okiee? I hope you have a wonderful day/night sweetness! 💕

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hey, I'm doing good too. Just normal amounts of stressful stuff right now. Just moved to a country I've never been to before but can't complain, things are not as hard as the last time I did this so. Thanks for asking! Yeah, I saw you posting about some pretty scary health issues before, I'm glad you came out of that alive and hope you're healthier now!

The nerve some people have! Haha I know I would be pissed if people were questioning my intelligence like that especially after a couple of drinks in haha. Though I do like taunting people when I play group games, I'll be like "don't need to try that hard guys, you're gonna lose anyway" just to mess with them or just call people sore losers if they accuse me of cheating haha (they're probably right on the accusations tho). People get real mad sometimes it's kinda funny. 😂

Omg literally laughed out loud reading this! Hahaha, how did you manage to fall over a road sign then end up in a ditch? lol omg hope you didn't get hurt too bad 😂 I was trying to downplay my drunken escapades but since you shared yours I should tell you my worst one:

I was at this summer street party at night and got drunk on something made out of tropical herbs and cachaça (which is about 48% alcohol), drank 3 and a half bottles of that like it was apple juice, made friends with a bunch of strangers in a bathroom queue (who tried to talk to me weeks later but I had no idea who they were), had to be held by my best friend while I peed (mostly missing the toilet), fell in the middle of the street and scraped my knee, threatened this boy who was helping me walk and told him not to try anything funny or I would beat him up, then dragged my friends to the beach and left them shortly after to go make out with my ex, came back with lipstick all over my mouth and chin and when my friends asked what I was doing I said I was just talking to my ex and they were like NO YOU WERE NOT, hahaha then I kissed all my girl friends on a dare and we danced under the full moon, then I told my best friend I had to puke so she took me to the ocean but I changed my mind and happened to step on a dead turtle on the way back and started crying bc of it, but last month my best friend told me it was a rock I had stepped on (I believed it was a dead turtle for 7 years!). Had the worst hangover of my life the next day. ✌️✨

Ah I'm happy you liked it! I've never listened to Six musical before but it sounds fun! I can see why you like it haha made me want to dance around my apartment 💃. And hey if liking musicals is your thing then it's great, I'm sure Hozier will understand if he's not your top artist of the year. 😋 Here's my "damie" Pinterest board if you or anyone else wants to check it out, totally recommend making one if you're a visual person like me!

https://pin.it/UcHVlkq

Oh I could talk about Dani and Jamie forever I think. I love the beast in the jungle speech too and it's so painful to watch, VP delivered that beautifully, but I have to admit I'm always a crying mess from episode 1 when older Jamie starts reciting that song about being sad while waiting for her lover to return, this show is fucking cruel I hate it and love it at the same time hahaha. Omg your mom 😂 but I mean it's truly an honor to be compared to someone like Dani, no? She's really great even if she needs a little help haha (don't we all).

Aaah you're amazing! Thank you so much, I'll read this pirate AU soon!

I used to draw a lot, really loved doing it when I was a kid as I said before, and all throughout adulthood too but I haven't done that in almost a year now bc I've got a bit of a case of burnout I guess, it just takes a lot of effort to do it when it shouldn't be like that at all. I used to do fanart too, for other fandoms. Even made one for Dani x Jamie but ended up not liking how it turned out haha. I've got a lot of respect for writers and fanfic writers also! Yall can make words make sense in really interesting and beautiful ways, build worlds so enthralling I can see them vividly in my head. Writing is such an incredibly fascinating skill to have! And I guess the most important thing is that we enjoy doing these things right? Even if we think we're not particularly good at it.

Anyway, have a lovely weekend! 👋✨

Good I'm glad you're doing great but sorry you're dealing with stressful stuff!! Hope living in a new country goes well for you I'm so jealous that you've lived in different countries I'd love to live somewhere else even if just for s few years!! Awwh thank you so much I definitely came out of it alive and am feeling so much better now thank you I mean I do some pretty ditzy things so when people say it to me it's pretty deserved sometimes, I'm secretly smart and people just don't expect it so I never mind too much haha I might have to start saying the things that you do and just taunting them over it I mean, I usually do win even when they make me answer different questions so I will definitely have to start saying things like that to them Haha I love that you're just like "yeah they're probably right in their accusations" I agree seeing how mad some people get over games and stuff is funny (it's me I'm people I hate loosing games depending on what it is and I am very competitive) So it was very dark and all we had for light was my roommates flashlight on her phone but while we were walking home a friend of ours that lived else where kept texting her to make sure we were still safe (my phone as dead at this point) so while she was texting him her flashlight was facing down and someone had moved this road sign to the footpath and it was on that sits on the floor so while I couldn't see it I walked into it and fell over it but while I feel I grabbed hold of it and flipped with it and fell in a ditch with it on top of me... I was fine and was just laid laughing while my friend looked down at me and in the most northern accent ever just said "get up you dickhead." and helped me off of the floor and then asked if I was okay... and I was so it was all good!! Haha 😂 I love this drunken story that sounds like one hell of a night and is a roller coaster from start to finish!! I'm sorry you thought you had stood on a dead turtle for 7 years though, someone really should've told you that it was just a rock!! But that sounds like my kind of night!! I love nights like that... stories that will last a life time... the only down side is the hangover... luckily I have only ever had one hang over in my life and it wasn't the morning after the road sign fiasco... I felt surprisingly good the morning after that haha 😂 It's such a good musical it's about Henry VIII wives and I just love everything to do with his wives and that musical is so much fun and actually gives a little insight to the lives the six Tudor queens had away from Henry and with him because at school we're mainly just taught about him which sucks!! I loved the Hozier song and am definitely gonna have to listen to more of his stuff!! I love musicals so much I mainly listen to musical soundtracks at the minute- usually, Legally Blonde and Six on repeat haha 😂 Ooo thank you I will definitely check out this Pinterest board thanks for sending it to me!! I could talk about them forever too... since watching Bly Manor my niece has been asking me so many questions about it and I am more than happy to talk to her about it haha!! The beast in the jungle speech just breaks my heart every time I relate to it so much and VP just delivers it so beautifully!! Oh yeah now I know at the beginning that it's older Jamie I am just a wreck the whole show is just so beautiful and heart breaking at the same time I LOVE IT!! Even though it makes me sob- I keep putting myself through it!! I mean, yeah I was happy that she said it Dani is great but it was the way she said it... my mum can be something else sometimes... she said she thought Dani was like me the first time she does the accent when she says "I've fallen quite in love with London" because I just randomly do accents a lot too but it was the way she was like "She needs help... but I like her she reminds me of you" I was just like... "Should I go get help?" I still don't know the answer to my question about if I need help or not but I mean I probably do need it You're welcome I really hope you like it!! It's a

great fic I love it!! Yeah I get that if stuff starts taking too much effort and burns you out you're not gonna wanna keep doing it so it's understandable that you stopped!! I think fan art is great and I really would love to be able to do it myself but I just don't have the skill it takes!! Awwh it's a shame you didn't like the Dani x Jamie one you did I would've loved to have seen it!! Honestly there are so many talented writers out there and when I read their fics I am just in awe of the worlds they have built and the stories they have created we are so blessed in this fandom to have so many amazing writers and so many amazing fics out there Oh yeah definitely its important to enjoy what you do!! I know I love writing and love writing fics for Dani and Jamie so I think I'll be doing it for a while even if I'm not great at it haha Awwh thank you very much I hope you have a great weekend too!! ☺️

[punkscowardschampions]

Lola & Astrid

Lola: [come in to get your tattoo then, which is on the back of her neck/shoulder blade moment which isn't the worst but I think it vibrates on those bones pretty hard, also the embroidery technique/colour will make it worse/more time, overall vibe a sassy, confident bitch but lowkey nervous on this tattoo] Astrid: [I like to think she's already in there and probably has been for hours because whether it's big or small on this occasion they obvs let her stop whenever she wants and for as long as she wants cos they know her so we just chilling with the dog BFF who goes everywhere with her lowkey and both having a drink of water casually so the dog can go up to her like hey gal] Lola: [have loads of pictures of her with dogs and cats, so gonna say we're an animal hoe and gonna be extra over this lil dog then AFTER you've stroked and loved upon it 'Shit, I've not distracted it, have I? I'm so sorry' like when you aren't meant to with blind people service dogs] Astrid: [just straight up talking to this dog like she's a person like are you okay, do you wanna go and the dog's like nah I'm fine by giving a Lola a toy or something like I think we should play with this gal] Lola: [straight up throwing this toy like we aren't in a tattoo shop like please be careful, probably getting told off by a grumpy tattoo dude and just loling like whoops 'cos the kind of carefree hoe we are 'what's your name?' but we are talking to the dog] Astrid: [being like 'did you forget we like rules?' @ the dog as if she caused this trouble herself and full naming her like a cross mum but we not cross we're more playful about it because autistic bants] Lola: ['so distinguished, suits you madam' and shakes her paw, then touching one of Astrid's leg tattoos as is clearly ground level with this dog rn 'that's gorgeous, how many do you have?'] Astrid: [when you an affectionate af person but you don't know her like that so then you can't answer that question and she must think you're being so rude sorry gal, but let's say the tattoo person answers for you cos probably did most of them but not all so gets it wrong so then you have to answer whatever the right number is] Lola: [you really shouldn't grab people but that's the kinda hoe you are so that's the vibe lol, undeterred but do let go of her leg thanks, just talking about ALL the tattoo ideas you have] Astrid: [at least you can likewise go off about that babe because they are literally another thing you collect/comforts you and makes you feel safe so like you always wanna get more, try not to actually talk over her and listen but it's okay if you do, she'll get over it] Lola: [just listening intently anyway and bowing to her superior knowledge on it 'cos you wanna get more even though you have yet to start this one and are gonna be sobbing in a sec lolll, very seriously turning to the dog 'Winnie, will you hold my hand?' then turning back to Astrid and rolling her eyes 'my girlfriend was too shamed to be seen with me'] Astrid: [just going OFF about aftercare too before she's even started this tattoo because as far as you're concerned there is only one right way to do it and everything else is wrong and a huge no, the grumpy tattoo dude from earlier who Lola's gonna end up having is just gonna try and be like nah she's wrong, this this and this is fine but shh sir tbh. The dog just grinning through all this cos she's buzzing about the energy 'She's not ever going to be heavy enough for proprioceptive stimming but it's still calming when she lies with you, she's soft and she smells nice, does that make sense?' her confused face when she then doesn't understand what she means about her girlfriend not wanting to be here though like um why] Lola: [just ignoring the man like the true lesbian you are, be careful girl, nodding 'total sense, Miss Winifred is a vibe' and giving her an approving sniff like yes 'it smells like bleach in here' probably a good thing babe but we're not happy lol 'ugh, 'cos she's so tough and I'm going to embarrass her' shakes her head like oh girlfriends] Astrid: [repeating back to Winnie that she's a vibe because you like the sound of that thank you but whatever you're gonna say about how it smells in here is interrupted by grumpy tattoo dude complaining that it's because Astrid always has to OTT clean up the station etc and blah before they start, like don't out her like that sir and don't be a dick so we're not happy about his vibe rn] Lola: ['you should be happy she's doing the hard work for you' even though we were the one complaining about the smell, we're not about it] Astrid: ['he's not a happy person' hahaha suck it sir] Lola: ['that's so sad, what happened?' oh gal] Astrid: [just telling her this dude's life story like he's not right there because we don't understand sarcasm bye] Lola: [when you weren't even being sarcastic but you were not expecting her to reply and you know he's not gonna be thrilled so you put your finger to your lips like shh but smiling at her so she knows you aren't being a dick like stfu] Astrid: [being like oh do you want some quiet, like offering to get them to turn down the music they always blast in tattoo places] Lola: ['can we change the station?' like this rock shit is not a #vibe honey and getting out your phone and aux cord from your bag] Astrid: [just like 'it's not a vibe [name of your tattoo gal] can we change it to a vibe?' because we're saying vibe now and obvs this woman will cos she's a good egg] Lola: [putting on your femme gay girl bubblegum pop playlist like every other person in here/grumpy tattoo man is going to be taking the piss but we aren't aware 'cos we're that bitch and just dancing around like it's the clerb] Astrid: [Astrid and Winnie are vibing, picking this dog up like do you wanna dance lil queen as if we're not in the middle of a tattoo sesh] Lola: [hyping them up in a very yasss queen manner and then getting interrupted by this dude being like are you done pissing about and just twerking at him like mwah 😘 as you climb your ass up onto this bench, then being like 'WINNIE, I NEED YOU' very dramatically with grabby hands and all, this man like oh my god] Astrid: [we're loling at her antics and then putting Winnie on her lap because this angel will look after you gal so we can finally get some more of our own tattoo done] Lola: [good incentive not to drop this dog or shriek in her ears gal, 'cos gonna be so OTT about this pain obvs, all of this painting a picture as why your butch tatted gf did not wanna be here, just 🥺🥺🥺 at Astrid 'does it hurt you?' 'cos gf popping off like it doesn't which is a lie like when people say childbirth doesn't like admit it even if you can hack it] Astrid: ['not as much as other things' because we matter of fact about it instead of being like her girlfriend and pretending nothing is happening here] Lola: [we aren't really listening anyway just talking to talk here 'beauty is pain'] Astrid: [just repeating that like hmmm idk ' you're saying you feel more beautiful now, they'll want to put that on the signs outside'] Lola: ['They've got better promo' and giving Astrid's tattooist a look, 'cos the insecurity jumped out when pain] Astrid: [just going off about how much you like it here and you've told everyone about it like lol peeps have said they should pay me] Lola: ['yours are so cool' and asking her why she got that one and when etc etc] Astrid: [telling her everything even if like some of this shit is personal like tell me those roses aren't because of Ro you can't] Lola: [when you're an oversharer so you are 1. not phased by this 2. can say how this is for your abuela who's dying] Astrid: [genuinely is upset about this and asking loads of questions about her like obvs how old is she but also about her as a person and what she likes and how she was living before this] Lola: [we was already crying from the pain so you know, just carry on lmao, telling her that you live with her, that she's your only family and she's a bomb cook and she loves you even though you're gay and you go to bingo together on Thursdays] Astrid: [when you're just like are you gonna live with your girlfriend and cook together and go to bingo with her] Lola: ['I don't know' big sigh 'Do you live with your dad?'] Astrid: [hardcore like BUT WHAT WILL YOU DO because we're so upset about this like we can't answer your question until we get one that's okay here] Lola: [reaching over like hey it's okay 'I'll work it out'] Astrid: [just like oh yeah I do live with my dad btw after ages has passed and she's probably forgot she even asked but we needed a sec there] Lola: ['what's he like?'] Astrid: ['he's weird but not like I'm weird, just not how everyone says a dad should be-' trying to find a way to word wtf Drew is like lol 'he doesn't like rules or keeping things clean oh and he's a really shit driver who plays music too loud and he dresses too young'] Lola: ['sounds like every dude I've ever met' lols, wiping her tears 'has he always been like that or is it a midlife crisis moment?'] Astrid: [lols too because oh Drew you hot mess 'he fell out of his pram and wasn't claimed for 7 days'] Lola: [nods solemnly 'mine too'] Astrid: ['but he makes sure my food doesn't touch and never makes me eat anything I know will be fucking gross and he took me to go get Winnie' like but I do love him] Lola: [gives Winnie love and smiles 'not all bad then' pauses 'mine used to take me to ballet, and never get bored of me showing him my routines'] Astrid: [just going off about this Barbie ballet movie called Barbie and the pink shoes like have you seen it because I figure why not have dolls as a special interest, thanks Ro, though she'd fuck with Bratz and Monster High more] Lola: [talking about the red shoes 'cos assumedly what it is based on and saying you'll look up the Barbie version online 'when Ren is at work'] Astrid: [just chatting about it to the point that she doesn't even need to see it cos you've told her everything but letting her know that Barbie isn't your fave and making sure she knows what you fuck with more like this is vital info okay] Lola: ['Like Yasmin is technically the Hispanic queen like me but I do be looking more Jade and she fucks with cats so ME' 'cos definitely a girl who was into dolls and the bratz are making a resurgence in the culture anyway huns] Astrid: [we're living a life where we only accept the OG's so of course she gotta be that blonde hun who is described as wide-eyed and bubbly and loves her friends more than anything in the world so pop off but we not fucking with soccer and we gotta let Lola know] Lola: ['I see it' like just being like you're an angel there nbd] Astrid: [being like I do support cheese pizza ONLY but thai curry wtf] Lola: [loling like 'food isn't food unless it has at least two carbs and all the cheese you can throw at it'] Astrid: [just listing off everything Jade likes in the known world like do you like these things or no] Lola: [replying like this is a vogue 73 questions I bet tattoo dude is delighted lol] Astrid: [we're having fun here sir excuse you] Lola: ['do you have a Jade in your group already?'] Astrid: [The calming force that she is, Winnie is the group's Yasmin, she can handle a sob story, as you've seen so that's wrong' looks at her like soz gal I know you're offended 'my other best friend is most like Sasha, I don't know if I'm allowed to say that when she isn't black though'] Lola: [looks around at how white everyone here deffo is like I won't tell on you, claps her hands like yay 'we can be friends then'] Astrid: [when you're clearly buzzing about this, giving her your phone like this is my number take it thank you] Lola: [saves it as angel, oh that won't cause any drama with your gf no no lol, taking the tattoo dudes biro or whatever and being like hold out your hand? but thankfully NOT just doing it 'cos she may not vibe gal] Astrid: [at first is like ?? because hasn't connected the dots of what she wants her to do and why but then is like oh okay and does] Lola: [being like to the tattoo lady 'now make it permanent' loling like hohoho] Astrid: [loling 'when I know you better' like we considering this] Lola: [so flattered like omg me and blowing kisses] Astrid: [gotta get some more water cos we recognising that we're getting a bit too buzzing rn so obvs asking her if she wants some] Lola: [just like lifesaver 'cos we been crying so hard over here lol] Astrid: [gotta get some for Winnie too even if she don't want because that's a routine hun] Lola: [live your best life babe you deserve it] Astrid: [let's say her tattoo is then finally done and she abruptly leaves like it was nice to meet you I gotta go now bye because it kills me how they all did that on that show every time] Lola: [the only time you've been shooketh 'cos you'd be a hang around saying bye for ages bitch] Lola: WHERE DID YOU GO?! Astrid: hOmE Astrid: is YOuR tattOO fiNishED? Lola: [sends a progress picture she's made that man take lol] Astrid: 25-30 miNS leFT Lola: yeah? Lola: 🙌 I am about to PEE my pants Astrid: iT'LL bE lONgEr wiTH BreAks but YOu Wont bE alloWED bacK iF yOu dONt TakE oNE foR THaT Lola: 😄 I did a little but we've had no leaks Lola: got my big girl panties on Astrid: 👙 is A GooD iDeA tOooooOOOOO Lola: so NOT letting him do my underboob though Astrid: nO ⛔ no ⛔ Lola: the chick you were with seemed kinda cool though Lola: not gonna write off the whole shop Astrid: 🌟 ✨ sHE MAkEs me fEEL coMFoRTaBLe 🌟 ✨ Astrid: thE reVIeW Astrid: & thE VIBE Lola: love that Lola: don't know how he can do such colourful work and be so sad ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Astrid: van GOGH? Astrid: 🌻🌻🌻🌻👂💛💛 Lola: 🤯🤯🤯 Astrid: Do thEy ShARE a SOUL doEs thAT maKE senSE? Astrid: hMMMM Lola: reincarnation baby Astrid: dO you BEliEVE in it? Astrid: a BIG quESTion Lola: I think it's technically a ❌❌❌ Lola: but I think it's cool Lola: like past lives, all the AMAZING people in history you could've been Astrid: I DonT unDERstAnd wHY is iT ❌❌❌ if YoU liKE iT? Lola: Jesus and Abuela 💘 Lola: 💀 is very important to us Astrid: oHhhhhhhH Astrid: hEAvEn ☁👼☁ Astrid: mY muM taUGHt mE about THat Lola: 🧹🌻🦋🌞🍞 Lola: we believe souls come back, but not as other people, always themselves, even if they take a different form Lola: and they come back all the time, though Jesus hasn't come back YET Astrid: 👻👻👻👻 Lola: I can do an offering for your mum if you like Astrid: shE woULdNT coMe bACK for 🍞 Astrid: wHaT ElSe can THey be? Lola: you can put all the person's favourite things on their altar, you can skip the bread Astrid: 🕯🌹🕯🩺🕯🥀🕯🦴 Lola: wouldn't look out of place Astrid: sHe LiKEd DollS tooOOOO but thERe's No emoJi?? Lola: that's so RUDE Lola: did she get you into dolls, what was the first one you got? Astrid: 🧚🏻 thoUGH & 🔮 & 🧙🏼 Astrid: [sends her a picture of some creepy doll because of course she still has it and cue a huge ramble about everything possible about this doll like soz gal you didn't ask for that level of detail] Lola: looks like la catrina's 👶 Lola: I like it Lola: what doll would your mum be? Astrid: [when you disappear forever lowkey to do all the research you can about that just falling down a rabbit hole without saying bye] Astrid: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 💀❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Astrid: eVErYoNE is EqUAL in tHE eND Astrid: loVE that Lola: right?! Lola: we STAN an inclusive queen Astrid: caNT waIT tO TeLl mY otHER bFf she is GOiNg to bE so ExCitEd Lola: do you bake? I will send you a recipe for some sugar 💀 cookies Lola: i always loved decorating them Lola: and eating them, duh 😋 Astrid: I dOnT know hOw TO dO that Astrid: ❌❌❌ Lola: I can make them, if you wanna meet up again Lola: or come teach you, that would be fun Astrid: here? Lola: if you want Lola: you could come to mine but you'd have to meet abuela and that might be a LOT ??? Astrid: iTs nOT a ⛔ no if weRe frIeNds Astrid: i THinK yoU couLD bE heRE Lola: I'm a good guy, I promise Lola: I'll be super polite and say please and thank you and take my shoes off Astrid: buT 🍭 🍬 🧁  🍫 🍩 🍪 🍨  wILl maKE mY mum 😢 oR 😡 iF sHE is a 👻 Astrid: 🤫 Lola: it's all about celebrating life anyways Lola: what's better than tasty food Lola: my mother was the same though Lola: but abuela loved food because it made people 😄🥰 she didn't care if it made you fat too Lola: plenty of time to be 💀🦴s Astrid: hMMMmmm Astrid: 👌 Astrid: I wAnt to BE 😄🥰 Lola: maybe your friend would like some too Lola: not Miss Winnie though, too much sugar for 🐶 Astrid: IlL exPLain Astrid: sheS vERY 🤓 Astrid: thATs sMArt noT an INsult Lola: I could tell Lola: I very much enjoyed meeting her Astrid: & mE? Lola: OF COURSE you, gurl Lola: you were so nice and helpful Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Astrid: thANKs Lola: you're welcome ❣️ Lola: are you from here, I like your name, it's unusual Astrid: I dOnT liKE to bE reFErRed tO bY it Astrid: it maKEs mE FeeL liKe PeOPLe ARe 😤 😠 😡 Lola: oh no, I'm sorry Lola: is there anything you would like me to call you instead? Astrid: ...... Astrid: I doNt KnOw Lola: no probs Lola: don't need to call you anything we'll manage just fine without 🙃 Astrid: iS thAt aN oKaY anSWer? Lola: of course it is! Lola: it wouldn't be okay for me to call you a name you didn't like, that's just rude Lola: my gf HATES the name she got as a 👶 so she changed it Astrid: liKe @ scHoOL Astrid: I goT caLLed loAds of namES thERE Astrid: 👿 👹 👺 🤡 💩 👻 💀 ☠️ 👽 👾 🤖 🎃 Lola: 😢👎 Lola: school SUCKED Lola: you're cool Astrid: thEy jUsT doNt unDERsTand mY 🧠 Astrid: mE eiTHeR mE eiTHeR Lola: who does Lola: still don't have to be a 🍆 Astrid: eVErYoNE is EqUAL in tHE eND Astrid: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 💀❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Lola: that's what I'm talking about Astrid: yOu aRe GoiNg To LikE mY aUntY 🧠 ❤ 👀 Astrid: bUt U CaNt bRInG hEr HeRE foR 💀🍪 Lola: why not? Astrid: mY DaD & hER ❌❌❌ Lola: family drama Lola: say no more Lola: abuela only talks about my mother when she wants to cuss her out, and that's her daughter so 🤷 Astrid: hEs BaD buT nOT to ME? I doNt unDERstAnd hoW thAT iS suPposED to maKE seNse Lola: you're special to him Astrid: BuT whY aREnt my SiSTeRs sPEcial toOOOo? Astrid: beCausE theIR muMs aRE dIFFeRenT or Astrid: my BrOThEr haS anOTher DiffErent mUm agaIN Astrid: itS conFUsinG Lola: people are a lot of different things all at once, I think Lola: they don't all fit together right, it is confusing Astrid: wHEn yoU DiE aRE yOU NoOOO thiNGs Or moRE thinGS? Lola: Hmm Lola: I think more Lola: everything, and then the missing pieces make it all make sense Astrid: maybe they ARe tOOOoo sPEciAl then, THaT sisTER & ThOse mums dAD canT DeaL Astrid: hmmM Lola: could be Lola: being dead is meant to be easier than being alive, but it isn't perfect Astrid: & mY OthEr SisTER diDnt diE whEn sHe NeaRLY diD sO mAYBe heS coNFuSed AbOUT THat Lola: could you ask him? Lola: or would he be 😢 or 😡? Astrid: heS not my TaLking To pErsoN heS mY DoinG peRsOn Lola: that's important too Lola: sometimes it's actually better not having the answers Astrid: I sHOULDvE saID that @ scHOol Astrid: BettER not HAVinG thE anSWERS sORRy Lola: 😅 Lola: if ONLY Lola: I wouldn't say ANYTHING at school Astrid: I diDnT taLk unTiL aFter my mUm dIeD Astrid: moSTlY Lola: at all? Astrid: ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Lola: did you talk to your dad? Astrid: somE WoRdS Lola: the rest you just got what you needed in other ways Lola: that's cool Astrid: i THiNk it waS BaD oF mE Astrid: maYbe Astrid: .... Lola: but was it bad for you Lola: that's the important thing Lola: its frustrating when people don't understand you, but people get frustrated when they don't understand, even though they might not still when you tell them with words Astrid: iS thAT wHy yOU didNT talK @ sChooL? Lola: i took up too much space just being there Lola: without taking up the 💬 too Astrid: tOo muCh Space Astrid: hmmM Lola: that's what they thought Lola: basically Astrid: pEoPLe DoNt unDErstaND yOu Astrid: how mUch spaCE yoU neEd Lola: they don't like it ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Lola: i'm not trying to take other people's space though Astrid: tOO muCH iS ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Astrid: toOOOo mUch AnyTHiNG Lola: it is? Astrid: ItS 😢 or 😡 Astrid: itS beInG weIRd Lola: there's no such thing as too much 🐶😸 though Astrid: NeVEr!! Lola: exactly Lola: don't think there's any rules that you can stick to everything Lola: always exceptions Astrid: I wriTE liKe thIs beCauSe thOse rULes are Boring Astrid: loAdS of RulEs doNt maKe sEnSe Lola: I like how you write Lola: it's more interesting to read Astrid: yOu cAn Do iT toO if You waNT Lola: really? Lola: thanks, I'll try it out 😄 Lola: ITs actUallLY REAlLY hARd tO Be TOtallY raNDoM Lola: oTHER New RuLES poP UP in YOuR hEaD Astrid: ItS a VIBE Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Lola: tOTAlLy Lola: LikE THOse nEwSPApEr RAnsOM notEs Lola: aEStheTIc Astrid: ??? Lola: you know in films, when a killer or a kidnapper sends the person a note, they cut up bits of newspapers and magazines so the note is all different fonts and sizes and stuff Lola: [examples Lola: I liKE ThAT LOooooooOOoOKk Astrid: OhHH WoW Astrid: cAn I sEnD YoU onE? Lola: THaTs whaT IT RemINDS mE OF Lola: UM yeS Astrid: TheY dO it So NoBoDy knowS itS from THem YeaH? Astrid: hoW wiLL you Know ItS from mE? Lola: YEah Lola: do the outside of it normal, so the postman isn't 😱 Lola: I nEVEr GeT 💌 Astrid: do the outside of it normal, so the postman isn't scared Astrid: do the outside of it normal, like this Lola: [her address] there you go Lola: a stamp and it'll be perfect Astrid: ThiS is ReAllY whERe U Live? Astrid: I knoW whEre tHiS is Lola: you do? Astrid: yEAH Astrid: itS By a SHop I lIkE Lola: maybe you could show me 🙃 Astrid: I JuST geT 🍓 thEn I LeAVe Astrid: thEY haVe to Be from ThEre Astrid: a RuLe Lola: nOW i waNt TO tRy SomE Astrid: diD yoUr GirLfrIEnD liKE youR TaTTOo? Astrid: I caNt STop THinkiNG aBoUT iT Lola: She lIKEs 🖤 🤍 bUT I seNT hEr ThE piC & She SAid wAs cUUUUUuUuUUuUuTeeeeeeE Astrid: iS shE gONna coMe wiTh yOU neXT timE? Lola: mAYb ❓🤔 Astrid: tHats noT 🖤 🤍 Astrid: sHe shOUld saY yeAH oR NO Lola: TrUuUuuUuUUUUUUUu Lola: I'll tell her Astrid: Do YoU lIkE haVinG a girlFRieND? Lola: 🤗 & 😘 R gOoOOoddD Astrid: ❓🤔 Lola: you like hugs and kisses? Astrid: PlaTOnic is DiFFeRent Astrid: i LikE theM thOUgh Lola: yeah Lola: with a girlfriend, you just get them all the time Astrid: ? ShE dOeSnt asK you ? Lola: she doesn't need to Lola: if I said stop she would Lola: it's just nice having a person around, is what I meant 🙃 Astrid: 👌 thAT maKEs SeNse Lola: do you like 🧑 or 👩 or none or both Astrid: 👩 👩🏻 👩🏽 👩🏾 👩🏿 Lola: hi-5 Lola: me too 😄 Astrid: but i DoNt have a GIRLfrieNd Lola: would you like one? Lola: we could go out 💃💃 Astrid: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Astrid: yeAh Astrid: yOuRe a GooD 💃 Lola: YOU TOO ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Lola: I KNOW A BAR THAT WOULD LET WINNIE IN Astrid: yOU dO????????? Lola: i KNow tHe OWneR Lola: heS SO coOL Lola: and he has his own dog Finola who sings with him Astrid: I diDNT knOw dOGs coULd sING Astrid: WiNNie coULd hAVE a SeCRET talENt Lola: they do somewhere over the 🌈 it's very good Astrid: wheN cAN we Go? Lola: 😄 When are you free? this weekend? Astrid: FriDAY Lola: 👏 let's DO IT Astrid: 🕐 🕑 🕒 🕓 🕔 🕕 🕖 🕗 🕘 🕙 🕚 🕛 🕜 🕝 🕞 🕟 🕠 🕡 🕢 🕣 🕤 🕥 🕦 🕧 Astrid: ? Lola: 🤔 8? Astrid: To bE @ yOUr hOUse oR ThEre? Lola: we could get 🍓s first and eat them in the park Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 Lola: 🙌 IT'LL BE FUN Astrid: WeRe bOTh eXciTed Astrid: 😆 Lola: 💃💃💃 Lola: have to plan my outfit Astrid: I liKeD uR ouTfit yOu werE weaRing Lola: you're so 🍧 🍨 🍦 🥧 🧁 🍰 🎂 🍮 🍭 🍬 🍫 🍿 🍩 🍪 thank you 😚 Lola: you looked amazing Astrid: I nEEd to dyE mY haiR a new ColOur Lola: have you done every colour??? Astrid: ⛔❌ 🖤 🤎 Lola: boring in comparison to the rest of the 🌈 Astrid: & hARd to GEt Out ❤️ & 💜 sTAY TooOO bUT thEY caN bE maDE inTo a PaTTeRN sO its Not 😢 oR 😠 Lola: 🦜 Astrid: BiRdS aRE weiRD Astrid: mY AunTy haS 🐓 & I ONLy liKE thEm WhEn TheYrE 🐤 🐣 🐥 Lola: DOES SHE HAVE ANY BABIES RIGHT NOW Astrid: yEaH Astrid: thEyre sOFt Lola: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that's so cuteee Astrid: doNt be sad shE wonT eaT thEM Lola: but i don't have any🐤 🐣 🐥 Astrid: IlL aSk heR iF you CAn Lola: our apartment is tiny Lola: wouldn't be fair for the poor chickie Astrid: YoU cOuLd VisIt THem Lola: I'll have to buy some 🌽 too Astrid: TheYll be YouR FRIEnds ToooOOOOo Astrid: loVe ThAT Lola: new friends are always welcome Lola: especially fluffy ones Astrid: WiNNie aGReeS Astrid: & saYs dOnT foRGet sheS the FLUFFiest Astrid: she gETs JeaLOUs Lola: 🤭 Lola: of course Lola: she's a babe Astrid: evERYoNe saYs I was wHEn mY brOTHer waS a 👶 bUT i Dont remeMBEr thaT Lola: aw, you helped out? Lola: that's so cute Astrid: 👶 NeED lOAds of HeLp Astrid: haVE yOu EVer heLd onE? TheY caNt suPPOrt their Own HeaDs Astrid: itS wilD Lola: I've actually never held a baby Lola: or really met one, which is weird, I'd never thought about that Astrid: !!!!!!!! Astrid: My FamILY iS SoooOOOOO BiG Astrid: 👶👶🏻👶🏼👶🏽👶🏾 Lola: do you like it? what's good and what's bad? Astrid: YoU aRenT evER aLOne Astrid: thatS gOod OR Bad Astrid: Good & BAD Lola: I can picture that Astrid: bUT itS FUn & LOud Astrid: you LiKe hugS so Youd likE it Lola: yeah Lola: I think so Lola: abuela was from a big family Lola: but it's just us here Astrid: WhERe aRE TheY aLL? Lola: her family? Lola: mostly dead Lola: the ones she would've known, sisters, brothers Lola: their kids are probably still in Mexico but she doesn't know any of them properly Astrid: Im SoRrY Lola: you don't have to be sorry Astrid: ItS saD fOR hER Astrid: I mEAn Lola: yeah Lola: she left a lot behind Lola: but she's been happy here Astrid: & YoURE haPPy? Lola: mostly and most days Lola: not 🖤 & 🤍 Astrid: nOT 🖤 & 🤍 Lola: nothing is ever perfect, is it Astrid: mAyBe WinniE is Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Lola: I am willing to believe that and let her have it too 💝🐶 Astrid: [a happy picture of this dog like thank you I'm buzzing] Lola: an angel Lola: or princess, I should say Astrid: [a picture of this dog with some kind of tiara moment on because of course we can] Lola: 🙇 Lola: I'll find mine when I get home Astrid: YoU hAve One? Lola: duh gurl Lola: it's a vibe Lola: 👑🌈💃😘 Astrid: iT is A Vibe Lola: you know a vibe when you 👀 one Lola: i CaN TeLL Astrid: I haVE tO gO Astrid: doNT fORget FriDAY Astrid: @ 8 Astrid: 🍓!! Lola: Oh, okay Lola: Looking forward to it ✨

[jpat82]

Letters To You

Bucky x Reader

Dearest Grandma,

I hope this card finds its way to you, I'm sorry I won't be able to come home this holiday, work has been keeping me busy. I did take the time to buy a tree like you insisted upon, even though I'll barely be home to see it. The city looks amazing, it's all decorated, I know you would love it.

This year is going to be the hardest I know, I miss you like crazy. Maybe that's why I keep myself busy so I can forget. I promise this spring I'll come out and see you, I love you and I always will.

Your little bird.

It was Dec 1st and the the third card Bucky had received and it was the first one he had opened. The address was his and he had moved in just shy of two months ago. He wasn't sure what had possessed him to open the red envelope this time. He usually sent them back with return to sender scrawled across the top but the woman sent them still to his address.

With heavy sigh he sat down at his desk and grabbed a blank sheet of paper.

Dear... to whom it may...

I just wanted to let you know that the person you keep mailing letters to no longer lives at this address. I've sent the others back and maybe they haven't reached you, maybe they got lost on their way. I wish you well.

James.

He sealed the letter in the envelope and sent it off in the mail and thought nothing of it. He went about his day, Steve had been trying to get him out and enjoy the winter season.

He couldn't, the cold brought back memories of Siberia and everything that went with it. The holidays reminded him that his family wasn't alive in this era, and even though he had friends he couldn't just shake his past like Steve could. Sam has attempted to reach out to him, trying to get him to join the va group but he didn't. He couldn't bring himself to go. Days went by and as they did his mood continued to become dampened, he started to spend more time inside. He kept himself busy, cleaning weapons or working out, reading history books, anything to keep his mind busy.

That was till two days later he got an envelope that was baby blue in color. This time his name written with his address and from the same address as the red envelope. He tossed it to the side and went about the rest of the day, it wasn't till late that night as he was laying on the couch did he remember the letter.

Dear James,

I'm sorry to have bothered you, no I never got the returned letters. To be honest I was wondering when they would start to return. The house you are living was occupied by my grandmother, she passed this fall and I didn't know what else to do to keep her alive with me. So I continued to write with intent on stopping when with letters came back, then I would know that the house had been sold.

This is the first year of me being by myself, and a part of me hoped that the house wouldn't sell till after the holidays so I could at least pretend that she was still here with me. I don't know why I'm dumping all of this on you, and I'm sorry for that. I wish you a good holiday and a bright new year, I wish you enough.

Y/n

Bucky reread the letter three times, his heart breaking for the stranger who took the time to write it. He reached over and grabbed the notebook he had kept for years, ripping a blank page from it before grabbing a pen from the coffee table. He paused for a moment, debating on whether he should respond or not. He took a deep breath and sat up a bit.

Y/n,

I'm sorry to hear of your grandmas passing, it's hard to loose family and the holiday time is the hardest... I know, I'm right there with you. Wish I could say it gets easier but you'll miss them every time. If you wish to continue to write to her through the season go ahead, I promise not to pry.

I hope you find peace, and have a good holiday season as well.

James

The next morning he sent the letter off and went for a run with Sam, who had been bugging him for the last couple of days. He knew he couldn't keep avoiding people, even if it was only for a couple a weeks.

And just like the last one it took only two days for her to respond. This time a green card came in addressed to the former occupant and a silver one addressed to him. Bucky found a small smile spreading across his face as he walked over and sat down on the couch, tossing the green one on the coffee table before opening the silver envelope.

James,

Thank you! You have no idea how much it means it me. I know that next year I will miss her just as much but this year is particularly hard. My grandma was everything to me, she was my mom, my best friend, someone I could always count on. She came down ill shortly after I moved, and then work started to load down on me and I kept putting off to go see her.

I wasn't there when she passed, nor was I there for her burial. A stranger went through her house and arranged the estate sale and the sale of my childhood home. I wish I could take it all back, even if for only a day. I hope that she doesn't hate me, I didn't want to put my job before her, but... it doesn't matter. I can't believe I'm writing all of this to you, a perfect stranger. Again I'm sorry for unloading on you.

Y/n

Bucky sighed heavily, seems she was just as lost and alone as he was. A stranger who just desperately needed someone there that she would continue to write her dead grandmother just to pretend to have someone. The guilt in the way she wrote, he could see that she had been crying when she wrote it, some of the letters smudged as the tears collided with the wet ink.

He grabbed his note book and ripped out another page.

Y/n,

Don't feel guilty, I'm sure she was proud of you. In fact I know she was, you are out there living your life. You are making it on your own and if there is something I know about parents is that is all they want.

Never feel bad for unloading me, I know what it feels like not to have someone that you are comfortable enough with to open up to. And you aren't the only one struggling this year. My family passed away along time ago and this time of year is always the hardest. It's been decades since I have seen them and it still hurts. What I would to just see my sister or hear my ma sing carols, if only for an hour. I was held captive, a POW, and I never got to be there for their lives or their passing.

To be honest, so far this holiday hasn't been easy for me either. I've all but holed myself up in this house since before thanksgiving. Sam keeps trying to get me to join the va group but.. I just can't. I don't think even they would understand.

Hope to hear from you soon.

James

He rushed to get it out the next morning, Bucky wasn't even sure why he felt the need to mail her again but he did. He went about the next two days, checking the mail with a little more enthusiasm then he did before. He knew it was foolish but still he hoped she would mail him again.

On the third day he received two envelopes one gold and one green. One addressed to her grandma and the other to him.

Bucky,

I don't know what it must of been like for you, and I'm not even going to pretend to. And even if they (the va group) don't understand what you went through, it might help to just get it off your chest. Just my opinion and I won't press you on it.

As for me, my company is having a "holiday" party and I'm trying to find excuses not to go. They all know I live alone and that I don't have have any friends out here so I can't use any of the usual excuses. Something about being a round a bunch of people that I really don't want to spend more time then I have to, in a setting filled with drinks and fake holiday decor just puts me ill at ease.

Anyway, my grandma wasn't hip with the times, and I'm hoping you are. (Your email address).

Y/n

Bucky jumped from his spot and rushed over to the computer Tony had given him and fired it up. Excitement coursed through him as he logged onto the email address that Peter had helped him make.

He typed in her email address.

From oldmanbarnes:

Hey-

Y/n,

I may not be hip but I do know how to use a computer.

James

He hit send and then panicked, he forgot that Sam had a hand in the email address. And before he had a chance to respond to it his computer dinged with a reply.

From you:

Re:Hey

Old man Barnes?? Lol! Love the email address. This is kinda cool, hope your having a good day, I'm trying to figure out what I'm wearing to this holiday party.

From oldmanbarnes:

Re:re: hey

Haha yeah, a friend of mine picked it out, he thinks he's funny. And if you don't want to go don't. You could always stay home and a watch a movie, this may sound awkward but we could watch the same movie and then you can tell them you are seeing a movie with a friend.

From you:

Re:re:re: hey

Sounds like a date! Can I wear my pjs? And we have to make hot cocoa!

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[myvelouri]

I need to be really open

Right now I'm about to post totally openly and it's going to beong because my night was long

So I was at the bar and the girl buddy I wrote about who didn't remember me, who used to remember me when she ran into me back then... Yeah she didn't remember me and it hurt my feelings really badly. Look, it just did, okay? I don't forget people I've had coffee with under funny circumstances and people uve bonded with. She used to support my depression and all that and was totally into me back then as she's the one who told me I have awesome hair and always wanted to tell me

Yeah that was her back then, just fucking only 3 years ago, it's not even that long, let alone I texted her just a few months ago

My heart breaks a bit. And she was there with a buddy of mine. I didn't know he'd be there. I felt so hurt by that? Because I thought me and her were hella cool... We used to text jokes about this guy in a class. I just can't believe you'd forget me

I can't

Especially since she thought I was attractive AND THEN we had a bonding moment over coffee one day

I'm so hurt, I can't explain it, I don't know if it's okay for me to feel this way, I don't know if it's wrong to feel this way. .. I'm just very HURT and it makes me want to cry, I'm not crying, but it feels like it and I just... I don't understand and I can't shake the awkwardness. I met her and she still didn't remember me. I had to explain to her who I was and it felt so unnatural

I still feel woozy about that! I hated that! I did! My buddy told me she said to him "I think I know that guy" REALLY?! Bro it's not like me and her were acquaintances. Omfg. We were seen together plenty times

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL? It's not like I was trying to fuck her or anything, I just felt like it was a special connection when I met her. Not that we were close but she was one of those rare open people and thought we'd never forget each other

It makes me a little sick to my stomach, as in, just feeling, I don't know why, and to know she didn't want to hang with me but hung out with Eric... I'm just so confused!! I can't do this right now! Not right now! Too much, it's too much right now!

Okay so I was outside at the bar very sad and slum. I got to the bar and ordered another drink. The waitress there, the one that hates me, she was here so I tried to be nice and asked "how are you doing?" And she ignored me, and I said her name, kaeton, I was like, "kaeton??" And she still ignored me. Suffice it to say my heart felt even more hurt. The more and more I try to give myself, the more and more I'm being shut down..

I just wanted to die at that point

So I went outside to write to myself with my new beer

Suddenly a fight is happening. I interject cause they came my way, two dudes and the small one is toast. So I help the big one out and say yo, here come here, chill, and I tried to sit them down. And then the big one pushed me as if I'm an enemy and said "NAH GET OUT OF MY WAY, HES MY NEPHEW" and I said BRO CHILL, IM HERE TO HELP, ON YOUR SIDE. And later he apologized to me saying he's sorry he was like that and that it indeed was his nephew who was causing the scene. I said I know they man, I wanted to stop you guys from tumbling over people. He was cool man. We talked afterwards. No problem at all. Chill dude. Infact the waitress that hates me? I am pretty sure she gave him her number. Doesn't matter

So guess what? Another fight breaks out from that. Again came my way. I saw the two bartender guys that work there. Casey and Calvin. I know them somewhat. I'm a regular at this bar bro. And I see this dude pushing Calvin around and I got so upset that I went up and stopped him, grabbed him by the neck (the drunk douche) and said nah, chill, you're out bro and he started calling me "what? YOU FAG, YOU FUCKING GAY FAGGOT" because of the way I look. And I was quick to remark about his dumbass appearance about his glasses and cap combo. And he kept going but my skinny ass was able to push him out the door. And I bumped into Sam, my other favorite waitress there who I've slowly gotten close to. I'll tell you more about that. She was a bit frazzled by it all. And I accidentally made her drop drinks on herself as she was trying to serve someone else but that's cause I was getting angry and talking mad shit back to this douche bag I was pushing out by the neck. And Casey, not Calvin, but Casey, pushed me out of that grip and I understood, to let go and let the people working here take care of it. I didn't mean to be bad. I was just upset seeing one of the workers here that I like being pushed around so rough. It wasn't okay. And like. Yeah

So when I came back to the outside, lots of people came up to me. Some said wow, wtf happenened, we saw, you were involved and we were like WTF

Others, like Eric saw it and then he left cause he said he didn't want to see drunkards brawling. In my heart I thought, wow, Eric, I wasn't, I was pushing him out because the drunkard was ALREADY hitting the wait staff.

Anyway, other people came up to me and told me "wow bro when he called you a fag? Dude nah I almost ran in there and knocked him out, I'm surprised you didn't, he called you a fag so many times" and I said "yeah I was getting to that point but Casey stopped me"

Um, girls started looking at me and smiling at me. I don't know why but girls thought it was attractive that I pushed out a douche bag out of the bar, whilst being called a fag and horrible names. Idk man.

A lot of people came up to me. I didn't even realize everyone was watching. To me it lasted a second. To everyone else telling me about it, they said it lasted a good 6 minutes straight

Jesus

Okay so I went to Steve's house with Ronnie and Hector. Love these dudes. Steve is hella old but he's awesome. We smoked and drank. We got hungry so me, Ronnie and Hector went to whataburger. We ate and suddenly Sam, the waitress from the bar came over and scared me..I was HOLY SHIT WTF HOW

she said she was driving and saw us so she came in to eat with us. Ugh sam is so cute. She's been so hot this entire time. She's the one who I accidentally spilled a bit of beer on as she was trying to serve it, remember? And so after that happened, I went up to her and said "hey, I'm sorry I spilled that on you, Sam" and she was so surprised I was like this (it's just me) and she was like "omg you're so sweet" and was like "no it's fine" so fast forward to whataburger. Ya man. Hector left and Ronnie left. It was just me and Sam. And the guy working at Whataburger was trying to fuck sam. Poor guy, bless his heart, he has a crush on Sam, and, you know, she just doesn't like him. So she told me to help her sneak out when he isn't looking. And I did lol. So me and her started talking a lot outside. And the dude comes out and says to her "hey Sam, I'm about to smoke a cigarette, wanna join me?" Literally has balls trying to cock block ME. I MEAN, I wasn't trying to fuck Sam, I'm just saying to HIM it looked like I was kinda with her and had been with her a while alone, so for him to come up, was ballsy. Like bro, you for real?

She brushed him off. And she looked at me and said "come on" and I asked her "Bro why are you acting like he has a chance?!" And she said she has to because she comes here to eat often at nights hahaha. I said okay, totally understandable hahahaha

And then she told me, I grew on her. She's seen me many nights and has seen who I am. And she finally sees the real me. She said she appreciates me and wants to hang out and stuff. I was surprised. I felt appreciated greatly. Especially after such an awful night. Which is still affecting me. I don't know how Jenny forgot me. I can't believe I was trying to call her Emily at first. Awful. It was an accident, not that she heard me. But, wow, she didn't remember me at all.

It hurts still... Because that means I've gotten so so ugly to the point where girls who used to think I was hot as fuck don't even recognize me anymore (that's how ugly and different I've gotten physically) oh no I'm gonna cry. I can't take it

The end of tonight was good! Why can't I accept that!

I'm actually tearing up

This is so awful

What is wrong with me