#sorry anon this was not meant to be 4 paragraphs long

[hakogyi]

Hello~! Sending this on anon because I'm still a little shy about talking on this site, but I just wanted to let you know that I love your art so much! Your art has brought a lot of positive change to my life this year <3

Over the summer, I saw your beautiful art that you made for the-nameless-ramekin's fic and it really inspired me! Up until then I was just a lurker/passive enjoyer of the twst fandom. But seeing that kind of artistic exchange/connection really sparked something in me to be a little more brave/active in my love for fandom stuff. I made a tumblr and AO3 account, I started writing again, and I joined a discord server for the first time and made so many wonderful new friends! <3

I think what I ultimately wanted to say here is: Thank you~!!! <3 And I hope you have a wonderful new year~!!! <3

UWAAAA ANONN 🥹🥹🥹 thank YOU for sending this to me!! this made me really happy AA giggling and kicking the air rn

i'm really happy i had such an impact 😖😖 for years now my art has been nowhere near the level i want it to be at, and sometimes i feel like taking down my accounts because of that LOL... but at the end of the day i think it's more important that i have spaces to express myself and to find friends (and fellow artists) to share it with. and i'm glad you found those spaces too 🫶

so thank you (and the rest of thihablr) for allowing me to share this space with you guys! my art will only keep improving 🫡

anon if you ever want to you should totally send me your ao3 handle i'd love to read your writing 😚!! my fic reading grind never stops (<- browses twst ao3 every night)

have a great new year!!

[horsetailcurlers2]

a rough, addison-centric timeline of grey's anatomy/private practice

an anon sent me an ask about when greys/private practice took place and a rough timeline for addison. then i went to edit the draft and accidentallly deleted it. so, i'm sorry, anon! i hope you find this post lol.

okay, so, the grey’s universe contradicts itself multiple times when it comes to the timeline so this is my best approximation/what makes the most sense. i’m putting this in bulleted list format lol bc initially i had a long rambly paragraph that was me basically doing the math as i went. i also got way too carried away and this may be more detailed than you needed. 

Pre-show/establishing age

addison is 39 by the end of season three. this makes absolutely no sense considering her extensive credentials but shhh dont worry about it. in my head i justify it bc she canonically graduated college early, and in my head she skipped a grade or two

she and derek are heavily implied to have met their very first semester of med school. they married in 1994. So there is no official timeline on what years she completed her undergrad, when she graduated med school, or when she completed her residencies and fellowships. 

GA seasons 1-3 

the first three seasons of greys are all one year (they span meredith & friends' intern year)

i initially thought season one took place in 2005 (when the show airs) but in order for everything else to fit it must be 2006. the show contradicts itself about this a few times. personally, i think 2005 makes more sense because addison and derek were married in 1994 and they were married for 11 years at this point. but, they must have made allowances for the fact that three seasons spanned one year.

season one runs from summer to fall 2006. meredith spends two months with derek before addison shows up. addison spends those same two months with mark in new york. so her whole pregnancy/abortion/blonde-hair-for-a-minute all happens in late summer/fall, then she shows up in seattle at the end of season one and by her fabulous fur lined coat, we can gather that it’s fall.

season two picks up directly after season one with no time gap. We get christmas and thanksgiving episodes, and it stretches into spring 2007 (the hospital prom takes place during actual prom season for richard’s niece)

season three once again picks up directly after season two with no gap. addison and derek’s divorce is finalized pretty quickly into the season but i couldnt get the date. the season ends definitively around mid june, because that’s when cristina and burke’s wedding was meant to take place. the two part backdoor pilot for private practice spans the two episodes directly before the wedding/finale, so addison presumably visited L.A around late may/early june 2007 and then came back before the wedding

PP season 1 (+GA season 4)

season one of private practice aired concurrently with grey’s season 4 and the timeline runs directly parallel. there are only nine episodes and they make very very few references to time, so we have to extrapolate from grey’s.

they say that there's a short gap between cristina’s wedding and the start of their second residency year so, season four picks up around early/mid july, meaning private practice also starts around this time. 

grey;s has a halloween episode early on (episode five or six) and presumably runs through the rest of fall and winter. PP season one ends after the ninth episode, which aired before the ninth episode of grey’s. then, addison comes to seattle in GA S4 ep 13. in the episode directly after this, the article comes out about burke winning the “2008 harper avery award”, so i believe this visit is already early 2008. 

PP season 2 (+GA season 5)

seasons 4 and 5 of GA take place over one year, so pp seasons 1 and 2 must also be one year. there are very few time references, so we have to extrapolate from grey’s again. there is a few months long gap between seasons 1 and 2 (bc of the time during which grey's was airing but pp was not)

episode five of grey's takes place in october (so ep 5 of pp must also be around october)

GA 5x14 and PP 2x15 run parallel to eachother. addison calls derek at the end of these episodes. i'm pretty sure this is meant to take place in january or february 2009 (at this point the air dates are closely lined up with the in universe dates). this whole crossover arc spans two episodes of PP and one episode of GA and i’m pretty sure its meant to take place over just a few days.

2x18 of PP takes place over three months so im guessing its at least early summer 2009 by the time the season ends

PP season 3 (+GA season 6)

season three picks up directly after season two (violet’s attack). season 6 of GA also picks up directly after their previous season (george's death). but then GA 6x1 and 6x2 take place over forty days and PP 3x2 picks up a month after 3x1. So theres a lot of futzing and messing with the timeline to make up for gaps and cliffhangers between seasons already. 

they mention that seattle grace mercy west is established in 2009

PP 3x3 is a direct continuation of GA 6x5, for reference

the grey's holiday episode this season (6x10) spans from november 2009, to january 1st 2010. and then PP 3x11 is a direct continuation of GA 6x11. i am assuming it's still january 2010 at this point. (this is also directly after addison finds out the truth about bizzy and susan)

there's a valentines episode of greys (ep 14), so pp 3x14 is probably also february 2010

3x16 to 3x19 take place over two months but then i'm not entirely sure on the timeline of pete and violet’s custody battle

the two part grey's finale/shooting episode takes place some time in late spring or summer 2010 (the next residency year starts in july)

PP season 4 (+GA season 7)

i couldn’t catch the date on dell’s headstone but his death was definitly late spring 2010.

7x1 of GA takes place two months after the season six finale. The episodes where they have to treat the casualties from a college campus shooting (7x10 and 7x11) take place around christmas 2010

4x6 of PP takes place before halloween (pete and violet talk about lucas’s costume) so its october 2010

the musical episode (7x18) is sofia's birthday, which is in may 2011. the PP episode 4x18 runs exactly parallel to it.

callie and arizona’s wedding is 7x20 and its stated that sofia is 3 months old, thus this is three months after both GA 7x18 and PP 4x18

So to recap: private practice season four takes place from around late spring/summer 2010 to spring/summer 2011

PP season 5 (+GA season 8)

here where it gets more tricky bc they do some time jumps around amelia’s pregnancy 

the first episode of season 8 of greys takes place on july 1st 2011. the three episode arc in which teddy’s husband dies (eps 8, 9, 10) take place around mid january i think, based on what she says in the valentines episode (ep 14). the plane crash (the final ep of the season) takes place around mid may 2012.

season five of pp picks up right after season four (pete’s heart attack). the second episode jumps to a month later

episode 5x8 (amelia’s intervention) takes place 12 days after 5x7. assuming this lines up with greys, her intervention, ryan’s death, and her admission to rehab probably take place in late december 2011. then her episode in rehab (5x9) spans the course of fifty days, so the next episode (5x10) likely takes place in mid february

amelia is 20 weeks pregnant in 5x16. i’m going to assume that christopher was conceived very close to the night of ryan’s OD, so i’m guessing it's late spring at this point

5x19 is the episode where amelia gets the horrible news about her baby. There is a time jump. she is six months pregnant at the beginning and seven months pregnant at the end. She gives birth in the season finale. i'm guessing it's already late summer at this point, though somehow addison and amelia did not know about the plane crash. 

so based on the timeline of amelia’s relapse and pregnancy, plus the grey’s timeline, i'm fairly certain season five of private practice take place summer 2011 to summer 2012.

PP season 6 (+GA season 9)

this one's gonna piss me off bc they do so many time jumps in an attempt to tie up loose ends before the show ends

there is a bit of a time jump before season 6, but in the season premiere, amelia celebrates one year of sobriety. so it must already be late 2012. i’m leaving wiggle room with my guesswork for last season, because imo the canon timeline they’re establishing of the last season is a little iffy.

its implied that addison and jake have been together for these past few months between seasons

pete’s memorial happens in 2x2. addison gets the call that mark has been taken off life support, so this episode must run parallel to greys 9x1. there has also been a time jump between GA seasons. it’s unclear whether or not addison visited mark while on life support, but it had likely been a few months so it's possible. they state that mark died in 2012 so it's not yet 2013.

they jump back and forth in time too much over the course of charlotte's pregnancy, henry’s adoption, and vivian carlsmith’s death. the entire season was meant to be a finale, so a lot of episodes focus only on one or two characters and have events that happen concurrently with the events of other episodes and it gets all muddled. but i'm pretty sure episodes 1-12 span a little under nine months (charlotte discovers she's pregnant at the beginning of the season and gives birth in ep 12). so her pregnancy serves as a backdrop to all these other storylines that overlap in these 12 episodes.

there is some kind of time jump between the triplets birth in 6x12 and addison’s wedding in 6x13 but not a very long one.

there is a thirteen week time jump between addison’s wedding and naomi’s ultrasound, then a little longer before sam and naomi’s second wedding.

so from what i can gather, season six took place over the course of around a year, starting in late 2012 and ending in late 2013 (potentially early 2014?? at some point this season the timeline diverges from greys so that they can utilize all the time jumps)

[thursdayinspace]

20 questions for 20 writers

tagged by @thatfragilecapricorn30 @randomfoggytiger and @baronessblixen thank you!! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 21

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 70.063 -- this is my new AO3, so that's why it's still so low, haha.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Only X-Files now.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? spectacular (glasses sex!), it's the day the world didn't end, from this morning forward (that makes me so happy), got you covered, wild side

5. Do you respond to comments? yes. if I ever don't, I'm sorry, it's not because i didn't love your comment, but i just don't get around to it right away sometimes. but i try to reply to every single one because i love them all.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ohhh. i don't write super angsty endings . . . I guess mend into pieces bc it's season 2 and they know they're making a mistake, but we all know they'll figure it out eventually, so.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? they pretty much all end happily. i'm going to more or less randomly pick five ways to say i love you. because i loved writing that ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? so, okay. there are two stories here i want to tell from an old fandom. one is funny. one is kind of great, really?

the funny one: i got a looooong comment on a fic, like several paragraphs long, going into great detail about why the fic sucked and why i sucked and why i had personally offended them by writing fic at all. they obvs meant to comment anonymously but forgot to log out. by the time i got to my computer, they had deleted their entire account. of course i had their name in the ao3 email. i laughed so hard at that.

the kind of amazing one: i got a very rude anon on tumblr, and i responded by saying i'd be happy to discuss their criticism, but i wasn't going to have a conversation with a hockey puck with sunglasses, and asked them to come off anon so we could talk. and they did! they showed up in my dms a short while later. we solved nothing and did not part as friends, but i actually have mad respect for that. wherever they are today, i hope they have taken some anger management classes and are doing well!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yeah, i certainly do. idk what kind? the porny kind? lol no i mean it's kind of lame but fun.

10. Do you write crossovers? i wrote a stargate atlantis/firefly crossover centuries ago but that was it. or maybe start trek with sth else, i don't remember.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? i don't think so, no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes! it's so much fun and i would do it again.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? mulder and scully!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i plan to finish all of them.

16. What are your writing strengths? it used to be dialogue but i don't think it is anymore. idk? i think i can create an atmosphere?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i tend to repeat myself a lot and then skip over other things completely. i'm not good with transitions between scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i haven't done it, but if it would make sense for a fic, i might do it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? stargate atlantis. i was very late to the fanfic party.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? it's called 'ellipsis' and is still with the beta. but of the ones i've already posted, either from this morning forward or yesterday's future.

Randomfoggytiger added additional questions:

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life? i mean it's a hobby but it's definitely also a way of life. there isn't ever a time when i don't think about writing and everything all the time connects in some way to a thing i'm writing and i can't imagine what i'd do without writing.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript? completed manuscript! or notes? uhh . . . both?

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration? everything. random things. i can't think of one specific thing, it can be literally anything.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing? both thoughts are equally awful lol

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective? yeah, i think so. not in any big way, but about smaller stuff, just the way i look at certain things? yes.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN? ao3!!! my tinkerbell brain loves the comment section, haha. also it's just so much nicer to read on ao3 and there's the download option, so also as a reader, def ao3.

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it? 70.063 - no, i'm not satisfied with it. i used to write multi-chapters with more words. but it's a new account so yeah starting small again.

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably? jasper fforde's 'thursday next' series. it's where i stole my name from. literary detectives? oh man. it's the kind of story where you wish you'd had the idea first. go read it!!!!!

9. What's the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it? i am really really lucky to have been given so many amazing compliments and i appreciate every single one. i couldn't say what means the most to me . . . probably when it's personal to the commenter? when someone tells me sth i've written touched them in some way. bc that's what i want to achieve.

10. What defines your writing style? lol idek man pretentious purple prose? i think i live somewhere between overuse of metaphors and focus on the rhythm of a text. i love writing in english bc it flows so nicely. idk is trying to make it sound nice a style bc then that's at least what i'm going for.

who hasn't been tagged? no pressure tags for @backintimeforstuff @nachosncheezies @actual-changeling and everybody else who wants to!

[funnierasafictive]

hi, this is the only place i feel like i can talk to about this even though i just discovered it, but i think i have DID, or some similar disorder. the majority of my alters, from what i know of them, are fictives. i've talked to my mom about this, which she does think is a possibility, but she still doesn't really know what's wrong with me. i tried to talk to my therapist as well, but she doubts i have it (i am a minor, and i feel like it's harder to tell if someone has a disorder when they're young. i got diagnosed with combined ADHD last year.) and we did watch a video about DID together, but i ended up having a breakdown around the middle of it (can't remember why). i'm so sorry for wasting your time.

Hello, Anon. I am sorry we have not gotten back to you. You were never wasting our time.

After reading all this, and understanding this ask is from September 8, I only hope that you are well.

I remember when we first found out about being a system. We were 16, and thought we just never grew out of having imaginary friends. We did not even know that DID existed! Haha.

I hope you have found some answers. If not, it is alright not to know. When it comes to systems, a lot of the time we do not know about it at first (especially if trauma is involved) because our mind wants to keep us safe.

We went through a similar thing; our doctor/s did not believe we had DID when we were a child, when we started bringing up the medical term for the disordered bits (Dissociative Identity Disorder). It took around maybe 4 years to finally get recognized as having it, and it funny enough took seeing a completely new doctor for ADHD. Long story.

For your last paragraph, there is indeed a pattern where when suddenly being given information about DID, the person tends to have a breakdown.

I remember when we talked about being a system to someone we were making friends with. On the same day of meeting them, they had a mental breakdown later in the conversation because they realized all the symptoms we talked about fit them. (Insert "discussion reminding people not to randomly tell an oblivious possible-system that they are a system. It will shock them and it is unhealthy." here.)

It is usually a shock for systems coming to terms with possibly having alters. Usually it is because their system did not want to reveal themselves yet, or it is simply just because your brain no longer feels safe. When systems have breakdowns during their system discovery, it is usually in response to how.. DID is your brain's coping mechanism, and the symptoms were meant to hide itself from you (or the host at the time), not just the world. Of course your brain feels wracked, exposed, scared.

System, or not, I hope you have found some coping mechanisms to deal with your symptoms in the present. We can never say if someone is a system--not because of some rule, but because we can not say for sure-- but what matters is you take care of yourself no matter what. Doing the research and exploring yourself is fine; just be safe.

[satans-codpiece]

Listen man, your writings feel like early comings of Christmas, I gotta do something in return, however small. Still shy af hence anon ask but hey, better than nothing ;-D

Oooooh, NOICE, looking forward to that prequel, whenever (or if?) it comes out 👀 (also my dumbass forgot to mention last time, Ram being flustered about his own dick in EY was adorable I can't-) YEEEES OH MY GOD EXACTLY- More or less everything he's had to endure all boils down to his specific model, so no wonder he was afraid of accidents... now though? Not like he has much else to loose, 99.9% of R-7000s are already gone and his own reputation is beyond repair anyway so what does the opinion of other people matter? He CAN still hurt reader which sucks by itself but he's willing to put up with his fear and I just, I'm done dude who designed this fucking character-

LMAO I defaulted to hanahaki as I assumed the whole unrequited-but-actually-requited-love thing with maybe a dash of a near death experience is an easy gateway for all the piv you could possibly want... Never mind me then, sounds like you had other plans XD And speaking of.... what do the good people of Tumblr have to do to motivate you to finish those last 4 paragraphs and hand it over? 👀 Don't care it ain't smutty I have a Need. Want another questionable anon link to horny Ram art for the motivation or something? wink wink...

PFFFFFFT Yes please, the more employees openly thirsting after Ramattra the higher the chances of new lore??? Maybe???? PLEASE??? WHEN IS THE NEW SET OF PVE MISSIONS COMING OUT I NEED MORE- ... Okay why are these asks so long, AAAAAAaaaaa- I'm sorry for being distracting >.<

fdsf re: Ramattra's dick, I mean!!! Imagine how absurd it is, you kidnap your ex and in HOPES that they'll love you again you BUILD a sex toy for them??? He's so embarrassed about his own neediness honestly.

Yes exactly! When he was bearing the weight of being a peace-advocating member of the Shambali, accidentally hurting anyone would've been such a nightmare for him. It only matters now in that he doesn't want to hurt you, the repercussions on which Reader has pretty outright stated are none since they understand that accidents happen.

Hahaha, honestly I think the reason I didn't finish it was because someone had proposed the original EY prompt in my askbox and that kind of set off a chain of events that meant EVERYTHING got tabled until EY was finished.

BUT I MEAN OH NOOOOO how could I ever continue working on Ramattra fics without the appropriate horny art???? whatever will I do????? *languishes at my keyboard*

GOD I KNOWWWW I hate so, so much that they've backburnered their actual storyline stuff :( Like, I got into OW because of the cool universe and characters, not because it's a FPS or has active esports, you know? So I've been waiting on story stuff for years and then they just had to go and make the BBEG so fucking hot and then only put out THREE FUCKING MISSIONS FKJDGJDKLSG

Supposedly I know the original timeline said new missions would be out "in 2024" so. hey. brightside, yknow?

And you're not distracting at all!!! I'm a terrible writer who thrives only on external motivation so shit like this keeps me active LMAO

[fauzhee10069]

Hey I saw your post in the beefleaf tag about why you don’t ship beefleaf and I’d just like to say that even though I find your argument interesting … perhaps you can keep entire paragraphs about not shipping beefleaf out of the tag meant for shippers of beefleaf. It’s sort of impolite and I’m sure many shippers were upset by you tagging it that way and then saying “don’t like don’t read.” Yes they can avoid reading it but something against the ship just doesn’t belong in the tag. Hope this doesn’t seem too aggressive - I wasn’t sure if you knew the usual protocol for this sort of thing and I’m not good with words.

I already answered why I won't remove the tag here.

And again, I'D RATHER HAVE YOU BLOCK ME THAN REMOVE MY TAGS if you think that my post is an eye-shore to you.

Thank you for respecting my opinion but you're more disappointing than previous anon (who agreed to just block me) because I already give major warning in CAPSLOCK and bold for those of you who can't handle criticism for your favorite ship (Yeah, I think I have to add more "to block me" because of this).

Yes they can avoid reading it but something against the ship just doesn’t belong in the tag.

It still belongs to the tag because it’s about beefleaf. It’s not even an anti-post because it’s not all negative about them.

If you think the tag is exclusive for 'favorite things' or 'shipping' for liking, you need to learn more about tumblr in general.

I need the tag to sort my archive, it's more important than to satisfy you which you can handle it yourself by just hit (...) then block and...

...your dashboard page is clean again from negative posts about beefleaf.

I’ve been in tumblr for a decade and as long as I know ‘the tag’ is not equal with ‘the fanclub’, it’s equal to ‘related topic’.

And tumblr will always be like this.

Unless the feature of creating exclusive group/fanclub can be realized.

Sorry for eventually dragging other fandom, but even ‘Final Fantasy 7′ with massive ship-wars handle this better, tag like #cloti or #clerith are not exclusively for what's good for them, even valid criticism often uses these tags.

I never experienced anything like this when I was criticizing #cloti, and over the time I actually grew to see the good side of said pairing.

The FF7 fans maybe just brushed it off or block the haters in silent idk, because I still can see the variety of the contents using those tags.

Or these #destiel posts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 that should’ve offended destiehellers in ‘Supernatural’ fandom.

And with this much fandoms I’ve never experienced this tag-keeping before.

You need to realize that there must be a moment when someone doesn’t like what you like.

Do you think I’ve never experienced it? Many times I’ve accidentally found things that I love got severely criticized by others.

You may hate to see dust on your table, but you can’t just expect dust to never get on your table, you need to clean it by yourself.

You may hate to see a post you don’t like, but you can’t just expect people to stop posting it, you need to filter it by yourself.

If you really need a special space that contains only positive things you like, you need to figure out which platform that is suitable for that.

Tumblr is not a fanclub, it only provides you feature to block posts you don’t like.

Go make fanclub/livejournal/group/subreddit etc dedicated for beefleaf, anything that you have the right to moderate. Trust me, you won’t find me there to badmouthing them because I know my place.

Now, you add another reason why I dislike beefleaf.

I won't respond post like this again in the future.

Or probably stop writing TGCF related all together and leaving the fandom.

Thanks for being polite at least, but I still stand in my stance. At least you won’t find me writing about beefleaf or anything that doesn’t conform your expectation anymore.

[milktei]

I would love to see your take on a cafe au! preferably with a genshin man heheh

People Watching

Diluc Ragnvindr x gn!Reader

Genre: Based off of People Watching by Conan Gray, Modern AU, Cafe AU, FLUFF (can u believe it?

Warnings: none

Requests: Open!

Also posted on ao3

a/n: my first request so exciting! Ahhhh let me tell you anon i was kicking my feet all giddily while writing this. Hopefully this meets you expectations! Sorry if it’s a little jumpy(?). I was listening to music while thinking of this au so I took the idea and ran with it.

Song fics aren’t usually my thing ironically (don’t get me started in one’s with lyrics between the paragraphs) but I was ✨inspired✨ and integrated the song into the framework of what I already had :). Also I’m a sucker for soft and awkward Diluc he might be ooc to some but fight me I think he has a soft side.

Owning and working at a cafe meant that you got to know your regulars quite well as time went on.

Diluc knew that better than anyone.

Albedo is a chemistry major who takes alarming amount of espresso shots in his drinks. Lisa works at the library and likes milk in her tea. If he sees Thoma, he knows to prepare for a big order. His internal list could go on and on.

Working at a cafe also meant a plethora of couples would come and go, as cafes have always been popular places to go on dates. Asking someone if they wanted to grab a cup of coffee always seemed to be the easiest way to tell someone you wanted to spend time with them.

To Diluc, couples were more interesting to learn about. They would stay at his cafe for hours, and talk about their lives as if nobody else was around. Diluc knew them better than he let on.

The girl who laughs at her boyfriend’s joke to the point of tears, even if it wasn’t funny.

The couple with stars in their eyes, who still count their relationship by the month rather than the year.

49 months; over 4 years.

A teenage boy recites another’s complicated order off the top of his head with ease.

Another gushes to his friend about the reasons he loves his partner.

Of course they’re not all sweet

A woman in her late 20s smiles down sadly at the ring on her ring finger.

“No we’re not engaged, this is just a promise ring… hopefully soon though!”

A man grips his cup tighter in his hands.

“They said they wanted to take a break.”

Diluc was known to others as a dark, brooding, and emotionless man. Yet despite what the few people that knew him thought, deep down he yearned to feel that same love and onslaught of emotions he heard people gush about as he worked.

It could be frustrating sometimes, the way people teased him for being cold, or soulless.

Sometimes he just wanted to yell out into the world that he was in fact capable of feeling emotions. That he wanted to bring love back into his life after being depraved if it for so long.

That when he was young he dreamed of owning a typical home in the suburbs, even a family to call his own.

Diluc wanted the good and the bad parts of love, the kisses and the fights.

It was easier said than done.

There are parts to Diluc that are broken. He had been hurt by those close to him multiple times. He had dated in the past but it was never serious enough to evolve into something more.

Cutting someone out of his life was not nearly as hard as letting someone in.

Diluc decided to resort to simply people watching. An easy hobby to have when you work at a cafe. Making drinks by pure muscle memory whilst ease dropping and watching his regulars through his peripheral vision.

In a way, he was living through his customers vicariously. On slow days he would even find himself making up stories of them. There was only so much stuff to clean after all.

“I’ll get an iced matcha latte please.”

Diluc was pulled from his thoughts at the sound of your voice. You were new, a student he guessed from the bag on your back.

“What size?” Diluc managed to ask before the pause in the exchange got awkward.

You hummed thoughtfully, “just a medium please,” you turned your head to the pastries in the display case and Diluc could see excitement in your face when you saw the freshly made shortbread cookies.

“and three of those please.” you pointed.

The corner of Diluc’s mouth twitched ever so slightly as he punched in your order “can I get a name for your order?”

“y/n”

Diluc gave you your total and tried not to pay any attention to your hand brushing his as you handed him your cash. He nodded in gratitude when you immediately dropped your change into the tip jar without a second thought.

“Oh, will that be for here or to go?” diluc asked suddenly. It was unlike him to forget a part of his usual script, he wouldn’t have needed to ask for your name if he already knew you were staying. Still a part of him was glad he had learnt it.

You looked out at the cafe and smiled “I’ll stay.”

“Great, I’ll get everything out to you in just a moment. Please, feel free to sit anywhere you’d like.”

You gave him another sweet smile and walked over to a table by the window. A popular spot usually taken by couples and avoided by groups due to it only having two chairs.

as Diluc made your drink, he watched as you pulled a laptop and notebook from your bag. Your pencil case, and earbuds came next, and slowly you began to adjust everything to become your perfect study space.

After placing the cookies onto a plate then onto a tray that already held your finished drink, Diluc walked to your table and gently placed it down.

“For you y/n”

You looked up at Him and quickly moved your belongings so he had room to place down the tray. “thank you.”

Diluc made his way back to behind the counter and grinned when he saw, through his peripheral vision, your eyes widen in amazement as you tasted your drink. Taking it as a small success, Diluc happily began cleaning the supplies he had used.

-

You came to the cafe often after your initial visit

You always came to the cafe alone, so instead of overhearing what was going on in your life like he usually would, Diluc found himself getting to know you through your habits, and what little small talk was made as you paid.

You often came to the cafe after class to study, and took public transit to get around.

You shuffled your music but hit skip until the right song came on.

You chewed your straw as you read, and flipped your pencil as you thought.

I never knew Diluc could be such a creep. He heard a certain voice tease, but Diluc couldn’t help that he simply found himself enamoured with you without caution.

“See you tomorrow Diluc!” Charles waved as he left the cafe at the end of his shift. Diluc wordlessly waved back as he brushed down the espresso machine.

He glanced up at the large windows of the cafe and frowned at the darkening sky. Despite what the weather forecast had said in the morning, it seemed like it was about to start pouring any moment.

His suspicion was confirmed the moment he heard the beginnings of rainfall tapping on the glass.

He looked over at you. In your usual spot, seemingly in your own world as you typed away at your laptop.

“I don’t suppose you brought an umbrella with you?”

He had spoken without thinking, mentally scolding himself as you jumped and broke away from your studying mindset.

You wordlessly looked outside and he saw your shoulders droop ever so slightly. You turned to him and sheepishly rubbed the back of your neck.

“I didn’t. Are you closing now?”

You thought he was kicking you out. He mentally hit himself.

“No no I was just wondering since it seems to be coming down quite hard. You’re welcome to stay and wait it out for as long as you’d like.” Diluc had rushed the last sentence, nearly desperate to get the words out. Heat creeped to his face from embarrassment and he prayed to the archons that you couldn’t see.

You smiled at him “Thank you Diluc, hopefully it won’t take too long for the rain to let up.”

Diluc had to force himself not to melt on the spot as you said his name, he nodded and cleared his throat, turning around to busy himself with work and not embarrass himself any further.

As he wiped the counter yet again, his hand brushed up against a container of cocoa powder, Diluc paused. He looked over his shoulder and saw you slowly begin typing again.

He didn’t want to bother you again… But a sudden wave of confidence was slowly rising in him, and if he didn’t do anything now, he was certain he never would.

-

A steaming mug was placed down gently beside your laptop.

Your typing came to a stop again and your stared at the mug before slowly turning to your gaze to the redhead standing at your table, giving him a look urging him to explain.

“I always thought that hot chocolate was perfect to enjoy during this type of weather.” Diluc said as he smiled nervously.

“Oh! Thank you.” you said in shock, there was a pause before you reached into you bag in search of your wallet.

Diluc waved his hands, “there’s no need, really, it’s on the house.”

You blinked in surprise “Thank you again Diluc you didn’t have to.”

There was an another longer lapse in the conversation, you stared at the empty chair across from you.

“Would you like to join me? You can make yourself a cup, I’ll wait for you.” You felt your heart race as the weight of your impulsive worlds registered in your mind, “O-of course you don’t have to! I’m sure your busy so only if you want-“

“That sounds lovely.”

You nearly sighed in relief as Diluc stopped you from rambling even further and you smiled sheepishly at him as he quickly made his way back to the counter and quickly made his drink. In the mean time you busied yourself with putting away all your school supplies.

You were finishing zipping up your bag, Diluc had made his way back the table. As he sat down, that is when you noticed that he had taken off his apron.

Diluc himself was thinking about how strange it was to be sitting in a spot he usually watched from afar.

You sat back in your seat and grabbed your mug, Diluc did the same, and it was silent save for the rain as you two sipped at your drinks.

“So,” you started before clearing your throat “besides giving customers free drinks is there any else you do on slow days like this?”

You took another sip of your drink and Diluc smiled at the sight of you looking down at it as if there were sparkles in you eyes, the way you did when you tasted something you deemed particularly delicious.

“This happens to be a special case.” your eyes widened slightly and Diluc had to restrain himself from outwardly celebrating at the sight of your visibly flustered face. Perhaps this was a good idea after all.

“There’s not a whole lot to do besides cleaning and making sure my machines aren’t broken, but I’ve picked up some hobbies.” Diluc continued, finally answering your question.

You placed down your cup, “Such as?”

“People watching.”

[writing-plurals]

Hello, I just found this blog through a friend. I've crafted a story and I wanted to know if it was problematic or not, since I'm not plural and all I know is based around research on YouTube channels, plural friends, Google and basic human respect lol

So, essentially, it's sort of a play on DID in horror where, instead of being the monster, the characters are the paranormal investigators instead. I was thinking about making the narration happen through a diary, which would make the story epistolary like Dracula, because I heard that keeping a diary is a common thing amongst plurals and plus, since I planned these characters to live in the 19th century, they don't exactly have the best psychiatry in the world and are doing what they can to keep communication flowing. I don't have much planned about how the plot unravels, but I thought a lot about how and why some alters exist in this system, and as for now there are: 1) an archangel, because of religious trauma and the need to have a guardian, 2) a housewife, because parental issues, 3) a trying-to-be-protector-still-somewhat-persecutor alter who doesn't get along that well with the archangel because of his role in the system in the past, 4) a little that stays around the housewife and mostly stays away from the paranormal activities, 5) a factive of the system's first dog and it usually stays alert and shows up during emergencies. I also intended them to be low empathy, but still help the people around them, which is one of the reasons why they started with the paranormal investigation business.

Plus, I wanted the horror part of the story to be somewhat of a metaphor for trauma and generational trauma, so the plan was to have them slowly letting go of what they can not control (aka ghosts, entities and stuff) and also them getting a family. Don't worry, they're good parents, they're just really confused about this whole parenting world since they never had someone around them so they do have some moments where they don't know how to feel about this newfound responsibility/lets the child do whatever they want.

I guess I wanted to know if this would be problematic or disrespectful, since it all started as a "wouldn't it be funny if plural people were the heroes in horror stories for once" and I don't know how everyone feels about this? I talked to three systems about this and they seem to be fine with this story, and one of them even said that it was alright as it "makes fun" of the trope instead of agreeing with it, but I wanted to ask to more people that live with this just so I know the ratio? I don't know

Hi anon!

Before I inevitably go off on some kind of wicked tangent, I'm just going to say: concept? good stuff. I don't personally see anything wrong with what you've written here, but keep in mind I can't speak for the ENTIRE community here. We are just one DID system, but nothing here is inherently offensive or off-putting, and you can quote me on that.

I am not entirely sure what you meant in the third paragraph, where "they are good parents..." and such, so I will skip over that for now. An example case for this part would shed a lot of light on the subject.

Now, it's a GOOD thing for a pwDID to be the main protagonist of a media like this. It's good representation after all. With that in mind, make sure you do your research, you talk to systems, and all that. Make sure there is separation between the trauma the character has experienced and the trauma the character will inevitably face during the story— it's horror after all— and any other ideas that you might want to introduce. Bonus points if you can manage to describe dissociation in a meaningful and relatable manner.

--

Sorry for taking so long to write this. I'm actually one of the new mods, and the original admin of this blog had things they were doing, so it took a bit to get to. If you're still around, Anon, feel free to send in more asks to elaborate on how your story concept's going. We'd love to hear about it.

-Mod birdie

[jpegjade]

1950 - Spencer

SO WE HAVE THE SURPRISE/UNPLANNED FIC! Thank you to the lovely anon who sent in the bones for this one and I just gave it the little legitimates (get it? ligaments?) it needed to move. 

Based off the song 1950 by King Princess

Warnings: there is a knife in here and a stabbing (but i kinda gloss over it) so if that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip that paragraph or the fic altogether. no worries!

________________

“How did we end up with two geniuses on the same team?” Morgan said, watching you and Spencer walk out of the elevator. 

Spencer smiled and looked over at you. He thought you might have an answer but you came up with nothing. 

“We’re just that lucky!” Garcia said, passing the three of you. She always seems to come out of nowhere. 

“What’s the age difference here?” Morgan motioned between the two of you. 

“Basically two or three months.” You said, guessing based on when you guys last celebrated Spencer’s birthday. 

“It’s exactly 2 months, 4 days, 12 hours and 3 minutes. I can tell you the exact mileage from our hospitals, if you’re interested in that.” Reid said, following you. 

“I think I’ll pass.” Derek said before walking away. 

You and Spencer headed in the direction of your desks, which happened to be across from each other. You looked at the fresh stack of cases on your desk and sighed. 

“Hey, y/n,” someone called, causing you to snap your head up. 

“Oh.” You were disappointed to see someone standing between you and your view of Spencer. 

“I was wondering if you thought about my proposition.” You tried to remember the guy’s name. It definitely started with a J. 

“The only thing I’ve thought about this morning is the fact that I forgot to get a coffee on my way here.” You said, being completely serious. 

“Yeah well, if you-” The guys started again, only to be cut off. 

“I brought coffee.” Spencer to the rescue, yet again. 

He put the coffee on your desk and smiled at you. Spence was a mind reader for sure. It smelled heavenly and you were so excited to finally have something to help you wake up today. 

“Hey, John.” Spencer said, giving that weird smiling thing he did when he was uncomfortable but still had to interact with people. 

See? You knew it had a J in it. John backed away under Spencer’s awkward gaze. 

“Y/n, Hotch wants us upstairs.” Spencer said holding his hand out to help you up from your chair. You were perfectly capable of doing so by yourself but he just wanted to be a gentleman. 

“You’re always saving me, you know that?” You said, taking a sip of your coffee. 

“Saving who from what?” JJ said, seeing the two of you enter the closed off area. 

“Spencer’s always saving y/n from the guys in the office and all of the officers asking her out.” Morgan said, reclining in his chair. He was clearly amused by your constant predicament. 

“Well, Spencer gets propositioned by every prostitute he meets.” Hotch said, still straight faced but you saw a hint of a smile there. 

“I’m just waiting for someone special. I don’t know what you’re waiting for though.” You said to Spencer, who blushed and smiled. 

“All right my brilliant kitties. We have a case.” Penelope worked the remote, showing a particularly horrible kidnapping and murder case. 

“And that’s why you will be heading to Miami.” Garcia said, flipping off the screen. 

“Wheels up in 20.” Hotch said, walking out of the room. 

You went to your desk to grab you in-flight entertainment while Spencer and Derek stayed back. They looked like they were talking and you wished you could be a fly on the wall. You always wished you could be wherever Spencer was just so you could be close to him. 

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Garcia asked, making you jump. 

“Probably the case.” You said, trying to act like you weren’t imagining them talking about you. 

“Probably.” Garcia winked at you as she walked back to her office. 

The flight was pretty smooth. The best part was sharing a row with Spencer. The worst part came when you were embarrassed to wake up with your head on his shoulder. But it got better when you realized that he was leaning on you too, completely asleep. 

“All right, lovebirds. Time to fly.” Rossi said, gently shaking the two of you awake. You and Spencer shared a sleepy glance between you before you both stumbled out the plane. 

The crime scene was horrible. Working the case was long and difficult, even though you were more than prepared. Out of everyone, you were able to predict the unsub’s next steps the most accurately. Even Spencer wondered how you were almost in step with the unsub but he put it to something in your past, and he was right. But that didn’t matter because right now? The two of you found yourselves in front of the unsub. Well… The unsub was holding you hostage while Spencer tried to talk him down. 

“You don’t have to do this. You can let her go before anything happens.” Spencer breathed slow, trying not to panic. 

“Isn’t she pretty? She’s so pretty. I can add her to my collection. She will be better than the rest.” The unsub was so far out of it, you knew there was no talking him down. 

“She’s very pretty. But no one can see how beautiful she is if you kill her. Put the knife down.” Spencer said. You were scared but you caught that he called you beautiful. You wondered if he meant that of if he was just playing into the fantasy...

“Spence. You have to do it.” You said. 

Knife poised to stab you through the stomach, just big enough to ruin so many different vital organs. You watched Spencer calculate where to wound you to at least hurt the unsub. He was no sharp shooter, and you both knew that, but you trusted him. There was no clean way for you to get out of this situation. Spencer’s mind was short circuiting and then it happened. You grabbed the knife and plunged it forward, dropping to your knees fast enough for Spencer to take the shot. 

Spencer immediately ran to you, terrified. The pain was like nothing you have ever felt before. You couldn’t believe you did this to yourself but you knew it was the right decision. You had to do it so Spencer didn’t take anything to heart as his fault. 

“Y/n…” Spencer said, reaching his hand out to hold yours. He intertwined your fingers and you smiled. He just needed to make sure you knew he was there.

“Spencer Reid, it took me getting stabbed for you to make a move?” You chuckled and immediately regretted it. The pain ran through you again and Spencer winced. 

“I’m so sorry. I don’t… I thought you were going to turn me down. You always said you were waiting for someone special and…” Spencer read your expression, confused. 

“No, you dumbass. I was waiting for you.” You smiled one more time. 

“No, don’t do that. You have to stay awake. The team is almost here and…” Spencer was so scared. 

“Chill. I’m not dying. I refuse…” You said, opening your eyes again. You didn’t want him to worry but you were just as scared as he was. 

“I didn’t even get to kiss you yet…” He said, trying his hardest not to cry. 

“Spence. I’ll make you a deal. When I wake up, if you still want to kiss me, I’ll say yes and you can kiss the hell out of me. Okay?” You said it with your last bit of strength. You had lost too much blood. Everything ran cold and you passed out. 

Spencer was terrified. Once the medics came in and got you to the hospital, he was having flashbacks, reminders of what happens when he gets close to people. He had hope during his conversation with Morgan that morning, when they decided that Spencer would ask you on a date when you got back, and look what happened. You could die and he couldn’t do a damn thing but hold your hand. He was scared that if he moved you, the knife might cause more damage with the movement. He wished that he wasn’t so useless sometimes. 

“Kid. Look at me. She’s going to be fine. Ride with her to the hospital, we’ll be right behind you.” Morgan said. 

Everything was touch and go for so long. You were in surgery for hours and whenever Spencer thought he was done crying, he had more sobs left in him. Finally, when they announced you could have a single visitor, everyone agreed Spencer should go first. 

“Hey…” You said, a tired smile on your face. 

“Hey.” He responded, leaning on the doorframe, hands in his pockets. 

You knew his sihloette by heart, especially that hair. 

He noticed that your heartbeat was faster than it should be. 

“Are you okay? Your heart is beating faster than it should be. Do I need to call a nurse?” He said, barely audible. 

“I’m fine.” You said, “They patched me up real good. Also gave me hits of morphine. But that doesn’t matter because you’re the only drug I need.” You said. Spencer knew you were out of it so this wasn’t the right time to kiss you. 

He walked into the room, pulling the chair next to your bed. You put your hand in his hair and smiled. 

“Hey cutie.” You said before falling asleep again.

It was a painful 2 weeks when you were on bed rest. Only one case had come up that needed traveling and even then, they skyped you to make sure you were up to date. 

The day you came back, the doctor had specific instructions for things you weren’t allowed to do but you were in the clear. Hotch put you on Garcia duty, meaning you were only allowed to help out Garcia on cases until he considered you ready to go out in the field again. You weren't happy about it but at least you were in the building again. 

Garcia was in the middle of presenting the next case when you slipped in the room. You almost did it quietly until Garcia turned to the group and squealed at the sight of you. Everyone turned and was happy to see you. 

You were about to take your seat next to Spencer when you noticed he was missing. You took a couple steps inside so you could get to your seat when all of a sudden you heard your name tumble out of Spencer’s mouth, like he was seeing a ghost. You turned to see him walking into the room.

“Hey wonder boy.” You smiled, your heart doing the same thing it did in the hospital. 

Without hesitation, Spencer stepped into the room and kissed you. It was sweet and quick but still meaningful. He just felt uncomfortable kissing you when he knew hotch was about to say something to break the two of you up. 

“Bold of you to assume I would say yes.” You said with a dazed smile. 

“Were you going to say no to this face, y/n?” He asked. 

“You know me so well, Reid.”

[thepeakyfckingblinders]

āmentĭa || Thomas Shelby x reader

⤠ MASTERLIST⤟

Anon requested: “Can I request #16 with a jealous tommy, angsty pretty please?”

Summary: n.16 from prompt list: “Another’s hands on her skin” Warnings: swearing, anxiety, angst, a bit of smut, jealous desperate Tommy making my soul ache

Author’s notes:

Behind each one of these works there are sleepless nights and something really close to multiple mental breakdowns, so, please, take a minute to send me a message about it, I need actual feedbacks to understand how to improve my skills and grow ♡

Paragraphs written in italics are flashbacks.⤟ IMPORTANT

Sentences between bold quotation marks (❝  ❞ ) are Tommy’s thoughts.⤟ IMPORTANT

I wanted to thank you darlings for all the love you’ve been sending me, you truly make me happy, I’m so grateful to share my works with you ♡

I’m sorry for being this late, but I’ve been really busy in the past days and writing is never just easy, it demands concentration and effort, plus I don’t want you to be disappointed, so I’m always extra accurate while working. I hope this is worth the wait!

If you want to be added to my tag list, please, directly message me

I’m Italian, English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for every possible mistake I made. Also, please, help me improve my writing by telling me if there’s something wrong

ENJOY!

āmentĭa [amentiă], amentiae  feminine noun I declension

1. compulsion, disturbance, raving, hysteria 2. malaise, vexation, affliction, regret, 3. viciousness, anger, furor, choler, 4. impetum, violence, heat, rush, impulse 5. separation, rupture, abandon 6. paroxysm, yearning, eagerness 7. infatuation, frantic desire, amorous fervour

Heavy rain incessantly hit the windows sideways, giving life to a perpetual recurrence of dull sounds relentlessly haunting Tommy’s eardrums, yet he remained laying on his cold bed, motionless, with his glacial stare disturbingly fixed on the ivory ceiling. His bare chest kept raising and lowering in toil, labored breath coming out of his slightly parted lips in agonizing sighs, goosebumps slimily crawling on his more than ever pale skin, due to the extremely low temperature in his room; still, he didn’t seem to care.  Two deafening chimes abruptly ripped apart the bleak air, midnight struck with no mercy, inexorably, raiding into his black lungs, plundering all of the oxygen he had left. The day had eventually come, the day in which he would’ve lost you, forever. Thomas brusquely stopped breathing as his raw flesh seemed to lacerate, it felt like the Devil’s acuminate claws had pierced his ribcage, penetrating through his bones, carving to reach his cardiac muscle, ruthelessly stabbing it, brutally slicing into his stomach. For a full, interminable minute, blind panic took over his paralyzed body, having him pant and whine, making him look like a dying animal in pure agony, while his empty gaze never left the spot right before his dilated pupils. Tom had met you three years before, by the time war had just come to an end: it’d been only a few months since Harry had hired you to help him handle the pub, and when the Shelbys finally entered the Garrison again, after four long years, you clearly didn’t have a clue of what was going on.

Your boss had tensely hurried to instruct you on what your job was for that night, apparently, it only consisted in following those three men in their private room, favoring their every wish, always with a smile and kindness. You remembered looking around the tavern, deeply confused, since the whole clientele had suddenly fallen deadly silent: every man in there was gazing at the ground and taking off his hat out of respect, causing you to be even more disorientated by that odd situation. “Just keep your head down, y/n, those guys are dangerous, I mean it. They take whatever they want, whenever they want, whether people like it or not” Harry’s words kept echoing into your mind, Tommy’s crystal eyes immediately piercing your soul when you quickly reached for their privè. There was some sort of  unsettling stravation sailing through his granitic irises, while he shamelessly stared at you, barely blinking his eyelids, and a cheeky grin peered out on his angular face. Breath unexpetedly shattered into your throat, your forearms rippled with evident goosebumps, as you truly began to see what that previous alarming reccomendation was about. Your heart grievously skipped a beat because of that abrupt scene mercilessly flashing before your tired eyes. A huge amount of air was forcefully shoved down your pharynx in a miserable effort to put to rest any of your conflicting emotions, yet you didn’t seem able to abort your detrimental thoughts; once more, your restless glare fell on the wooden pendulum clock pinned to the wall in front of your queen size bed. “Oh my God, what happened?” Thomas watched your hexyl hand shake before your open mouth, an expression of pure horror mixed with shock virulently took over your soft features at the sight of bleeding abhorrent wounds mutilating his marble skin. “Let me in” That order dropped from his busted lips, but it sounded like nothing more than a feeble prayer, as he painfully cought up blood on your doormat. His stomach unusually clenched when he sensed your tiny arms carefully wrap around his torsum for the very first time, in order to support his weight, thus his head innately tilted in your direction, making your noses rub one another by accident, while his icy-blue eyes carved deep into yours. “You’re a fucking angel” He whispered at the end of his rope, already being in a state of partial unconsciousness, therefore it took only a few more instants for him to effectively faint in your warm embrace. That brief memory led Tommy to hastily lift his back, a crippling feeling of anxiety, along with deep overwhelming fear, came unbidden, having him struggle to inhale as much oxygen as possible, while he crawled towards the edge of the mattress, then sitting and propping both his elbows right above his knees; his left hand convulsely run through his face, like that simple gesture could’ve helped him get rid of those loathsome sensations devouring his guts from the inside. Bells rang again, another hour went by, time continued to unrelentingly slip between his fingers. “Just be rational for once!” Tommy ferociously shouted in your face, thick veins appallingly throbbing in his neck, blood traces invading his white orbs; as usual, he was plainly too despotic and hardheaded to let anyone around him make their own decisions. “I don’t see what the problem is, Thomas. You’ll find another bloody bartender, for God’s sake!” Soon afterwards your reply brusted out in another yell and your hands started franticly moving into the air, as you were strenuosly fighting for your sacrosanct right to finally leave Birmingham and move to Paris to begin a whole new life, putting all of that shit behind you.  Yet, before your brain could process what was actually happening, you felt your back hardly clash with the cold brick wall, Tom’s mighty figure trapped yours forthwith, one of his fists vehemently grabbing a consistent strand of your hair, so to make your mouths collide in an unexpected tempestuous movement. “That’s my fucking problem” An atrocious knot cluttered up your gullet, forcing you to scarcely gasp for a fresh breath again, your velvet fingertips unwittingly went to brush your slightly wet lips, due to a lonely tear which had just tumbled from your full lashes. You could almost sense his touch on your fervent skin.

Faltering, you dragged yourself on your feet and your shoulders shriveled, for a cool draft brutally hit your quivering body; with heavy steps, you reached for your wedding dress armonically rested on a copper mannequin. Ivory tulle coursed amidst your fingers, while your blurred vision remained anxiously fixed on that wonderful piece of haut couture at the fathal stroke of the third hour of the morning. “You belong to me” That husky grunt lingered the soft skin of your naked chest, instantly followed by Tommy’s luscious kisses, his callous palms utterly enveloping your curves as your live flesh superbly engulfed every inch of his length and his hips kept diving into yours, miraculously giving life to an exquisite blend. He was revelling in the sight of your erotic beauty, he couldn’t just avert his thirsty glacial irises from your winsome shape now twitching with raw pleasure.

Those ruthless sequences of images irretrievably haunted his dark pupils, unfolding into his head over and over again. Thomas squeezed his eyelids nearly in physical pain, allowing himself to drown in his bittersweet memories: he was still perfectly able to feel your edges fill his hands, your voluptuous voice reawaken his numb ears, your mild thighs fondling his sharp pelvic bones. “Fuck!” All of a sudden, his hoarse tone clamorously reverberated in the room, brutally tearing apart the previous stillness, while Tommy berserkly stood up and, affected by a pernicious choler, he savagely ravaged every single thing in his path, until the floor was completely covered in shards and his breathing showed clear symptoms of hyperventilation. Everything was shot in pieces because of him, because of his pathetic selfishness and his shameless arrogance; you had loved him from your skin to your bones, never leaving his side, offering him a safe harbour from his private hell, stoking that cataclysmic fire, only to let it consume yourself with each passing day. He’d always been aware of that, in truth, he’d always felt the same about you, still, he had treated you like nothing more than one of his whores; afterall, it was just a matter of priority, and business was his one and only priority, obviously. So, when you had eventually presented him with a definitive choice, demanding to know  what your strange affair truly meant to him, he had almost laughed in your face, deliberately making it clear that, whatever that thing was, it would’ve never become something more.

The thought that in the end you might have really left him didn’t even remotely cross his mind, not once; nevertheless, barely a year later, you were about to marry another man, and it was too late for him to fix all of his uncountable mistakes. ❝  There will be another’s hands on her skin, Tommy. He’s gonna hold her, he’s gonna take your place, and it was your fault, you wreck everything you touch ❞ That voice inside his brain continued to scream that obnoxious truth with no mercy, steadily driving him to madness, violently gouging dire tears from his hollow eyes. Intoxicating fury festered his already rotten blood, pushing him to throw several raging punches at the door, excruciating shrieks kept escaping his maw, until two deep dents ploughed it and his bleeding knuckles broke under the abnormal strain of his animalistic blows.  Thomas surrendered to his agonizing sorrow, soon he let his empty corpse fall against the damaged wooden surface, his fractured fists henceforth laying along either side of his bust, while his growling voice didn’t seem to find peace, as it was still spilling from his lips into deafening cries alternated to beastly snarls and sporadic curses. Sure, Tommy Shelby had learnt far too soon what pain and darkness were, he had experienced death, loss, abandon, even the gory war itself, but never before that wretched day he had felt his soul disintegrate into his aching ribcage in such a diabolical, cruel, inhuman way.

tag list:  @spidey-pal, @shadow-of-wonder, @shelby1baby, @peachlle, @livvtheangel, @myjbphase, @namelesslosers, @crazyonesarethebest, @vxxn128, @keithseabrook27, @spaghettirogers, @writingstudent​

[smallest-turtle]

Piety, Control, Perception for all 4 characters!

Sorry we had some TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES with getting this post out the door.

asks still open for this prompt list

PIETY : How does religion affect your character’s lifestyle? CONTROL : What is your character’s view of fate/destiny? PERCEPTION : Does your character think in the short-term/on impulse, or do they think about the long-term future?

Deidre Hunt

Piety: After becoming Hydaelyn’s chosen weapon Deidre pretty much lost her faith in the 12, and no longer does anything notable regarding the practice. However, due to being from the Twelveswood and being a White Mage, she still has regard for the Elementals. Before she joined the Scions and the reality of the situation set in her Patron was Oschon, the moon she was born under. As she grew up she got more desperate to escape home and travel, with adventuring not really her Ideal but more so the only option she could imagine. When she was 16 her father found the bag she had stashed away, and they had a fight. In the aftermath she tattooed Oschon’s symbol on each of her inner ankles, permanent prayers to broaden her horizons. 

 Control: Deidre believes in fate and destiny as constructs of Hydaelyn; as the Mothercrystal influencing the trajectory of her life and her major landing points. This is especially prominent after they go through Emet’s recreation of the Final Days, and Zenos points out they are going through it together, just as before. (They being him, Deidre, Haurchefant, Caelen, and Ryne.) The fact that the sundered versions of Cassandra and those who supported her in her search for another solution are all together again? Deidre refuses to believe it’s a coincidence.

Perception: Deidre has always had to think in the long term for the sake of others. Planning for the sake of others is how she tends to go. Even when she does make ‘selfish’ decisions, they either go into the long term or she makes sure not to leave things undone; for example planning to go to the conjurers guild before getting into any real adventuring, or waiting until Ultima was destroyed and Thancred had been saved to make her (unsuccessful) break away from the Scions. Even decisions that seem impulsive (remaining a cat in Il Mheg for a bit instead of Immediately seeking help) are actually thought out, though a few aren’t really (Hello DRK class). She thinks for the long term, and she plans for it, especially when the long term is going to go badly. 

Caelen Hunt

Piety: Like his sister he has a regard for the Elementals, but other than some sailor superstitions he’s picked up in Limsa he’s not exactly a faithfully religious person. He’s not one for prayer, but he is still culturally raised in the Eorzean faith. It’s unlikely that they had a church where they grew up, but I HC that there are a lot of folk songs depicting the Twelve and their stories that they were raised with, and that he could still play if asked.

Control: Caelen didn’t put much stock into fate or destiny until Deidre pointed out what I put into her paragraph for this question. He doesn’t really think of anything as what someone is Meant to do, you either do it or you don’t, and that’s that. They’re choices. He ran away to Limsa to become a sailor, but was turned away because he was 12, and joined the rogue’s guild for a time instead. He doesn’t think it’s fate or destiny that he decided to go back to Carvallain when he’d gotten older just because it ended up with him reconnecting with his sister, they could have easily remained oblivious to one another. He could have never been involved in any of her life after he ran away. He likes life better the way it is, but he thinks of things as one decision away from ending up totally different, and that’s not really fate.

Perception: Caelen is generally more impulsive. He is good for short term solutions, which is why he works well with Alphinaud, who thinks like Deidre. His impulsive (less planned out) decisions far outweigh his long term decisions. This is a boy who, due to a nightmare about Deidre being killed by a dragon, snuck into Ishgard to check on her. No thought to where he was going to stay after that, or what he’d do if he got caught. He also decides to part with the Krakens in Hingashi so that he can help the party come to an agreement with the Confederacy, when they need to. How? Well he’ll figure it out when it happens. His ability to long term plan is based specifically around the subject of farming, which helps the Crystarium a fair bit, but that’s kind of where it ends lol.

B’sahla Pahsh

Piety: B’sahla is a Seeker, dedicated to Azeyma. She prays at sunrise and looks to the goddess for guidance on her path, believing that Azeyma nudges her in the directions of people she can help bring justice to. She does not believe she doles out divine justice on behalf of the goddess however, mostly that she is guided to people she is capable of helping. A lot of opening level side quests in Thanalan are good examples of this sort of work.

Control: The idea of fate an destiny makes B’sahla particularly upset due to the circumstances that led to her being an adventurer and thus joining the Scions. The thought that the slow dying out of her tribe from territorial disputes with the U, Amaljan raids, and the plummeting amount of resources in the Sagolii due to Dalamud and the following Calamity, was all fate just to put her in the correct life position to become the Warrior of Light, is just too cruel for her to bear. 

Perception: B’sahla also thinks on the long term, but more emotionally than tactically. The decision that best showcases this is when she discovers her pregnancy after the attack on the waking sands. She keeps it a secret, which is a long term decision rather than a short term one, because with her health history she does not expect to remain so, and she wishes to avoid the extended grief that would come from the Scions also expecting and then loosing with her. When B’valia is not only born but also survives, she quickly plans the long term for that, by naming Haurchefant as B’valia’s Warden and second guardian, were anything to happen to her in battle. 

Philomena de Arboraux

Piety: Another Gridanian White Mage. Though Nophica and Halone are bitter rivals, Philomena and her brother would probably pay tribute to both goddesses, due to their split heritage between their Ishgardian mother and Gridanian father. Being a healer, Philomena would most likely favor Nophica, though as a member of the Warrior of Light’s regular party a prayer to the war goddess wouldn’t hurt. She also has faith in the Mothercrystal’s protection, but does not have a habit of praying to Hydaelyn until the scions start being called to the First.

Control: She doesn’t exactly believe in fate as much as she believes herself to be guided by Hydaelyn, which she does not perceive negatively. Following that guidance was her decision, not Hydaelyn’s. The Goddess may have put it into motion so that the members of the FC came to be in the correct places, or she may have chosen those with the Echo because they were in the correct places. Of course, none of them can be sure. Philomena thinks it best not to dwell on it too much. They’re all choosing to save people anyway, why make a fuss about how you got here?

Perception: Philomena isn’t a huge planner, something I’m realizing is a bit of a funny parallel between her and Caelen because they’re both OCs that I have end up in a relationship with Alphinaud (Different Universes, Philomena is B’sahla’s continuity alone). She tends to see what pieces she has at her disposal, and arrange them all as situations arise, rather than plan for situations ahead of time. Sort of like collecting materials and then making a project, rather than buying materials with a project in mind. 

I’m sorry this took four days to answer, Anon, I hope you see it.

[threelivesthreeworlds]

Anonymous asked: Hello sorry if I was unclear. What I meant to say is that most people have a superficial view on intimacy of any sort, and so while I love Tang Qi's portrayal of romance, I hate most people's physicality-obsessed interpretations. Dunno if it's a western thing, but fanfiction is so out of alignment with canon romance themes that the characters are barely recognisable anymore. (1/4)

Secondly, Most readers/viewers do not give characters like Yehua or Lian Song a chance before making stereotypical assumptions about them. I love their real personalities, flaws and all, but I hate the sheer hyperexaggeration the fandom makes out of it (e.g. hating on Ji Heng). People just cannot see a character as a whole but put them into one category or the other. (2/4)

Thirdly, I just added that I relate to Lian Song(depression etc) because I kinda share his views on romance/love and don't really care for physical aspects that much. I'm aware he's a playboy, but he's also not a stereotypical one (which is unfortunately how most people interpret him) so it's a relief that your blog instead backs up my interpretation of him with facts. (3/4)

Lastly, I'm so sorry for ranting in the Q & A section. Making several points with a word limit really compromises what I'm trying to say 😆. But the bottom line was that fandoms' misinterpretations of your favourite characters makes it hard to see them in an objective light again. (4/4)  

(this 4th one came in after most of our answers were done, so we apologize if it comes off a little ??? we weren’t aware of the end goal for the anons received. We mean no ill-will in how we come across, just elaborating on things and we hope that’s alright with you. <3)

(Admin Lin): Hey! Thanks for sharing your opinions, though these anons are starting to get a little haughty for our own comfort to continue addressing. Both admins have our own grievances with the fandom / how it views particular characters (Ji Heng being a prime example here), however the fandom still offers plenty of good things from it. This is not only a western fandom “issue” (I say as this physicality isn’t necessarily an issue), it can be found in the eastern fandom as well for not only this series but others as well. Both admins are in fact western fandom despite Admin Ro being Asian.  

        As for when it comes down to interpretations - Peach Blossoms is written in first person and hard to find on the western side of the internet; Yehua has an extra from his perspective but that’s the only direct contact we get with him that isn’t through Bai Qian’s eyes. Qian isn’t a romantic person nor does she necessarily find what he does romantic, she’s been engaged to him for so long she kind of considered their engagement troublesome due to her past experience with his Uncle Sang Ji. When it comes to the drama’s take of Yehua, we get a clearer idea of him but at the same time it’s easy to see where others can’t grasp him in his entirety or simplify things when in a fanfiction. Or, for the likes of me, knows what he’s like but can’t formulate a more articulate summary or introspective version of him because of his extensive complexities and in some ways, the knowledge of a Chinese household of some fashion to express the intricacies of his upbringing. It’s merely harder. 

         In the case of Lian Song - the Western fandom doesn’t have access to the information that can be found on this blog as easily because Lotus Step is in the middle of a hiatus but will continue serializing by next year. So, it’s no one’s fault for misunderstanding what kind of playboy he is since that was only addressed in the fall of last year and the dramas both make it clear he’s a playboy / amorous person but never elaborates on it. So it’s an easy assumption to make that he may be a typical playboy by fans of the other available media because he’s not featured beyond Yehua’s uncle or Donghua’s best friend with touches here and there of his connection to Cheng Yu. It’s only in his novel that we get to see a different side of him that will ultimately have a shift at some point to what we see 50,000 years down the line. So, I’m not actually bothered by this myself, personally. It is bound to happen because no one on the western side of the fandom has as much access or want to read an untranslated novel. 

        With TQ’s stance on romance writing, I will say the concept of eternal love or a love that lasts 3,000 lifetimes is a very Chinese one that unless one digs through it with patience and interest in Buddhism / other Eastern religions, that it can be a harder nuance to grasp for those unfamiliar. 

(Admin Ro): We’re sorry you’ve had bad experiences with “fanon” material. We’re thankful that you like the content on this blog enough to comment on it! These are my opinions on the whole affair: as a Chinese woman who reads Chinese novels, from a perspective of writing tropes, hyper-exaggeration is already frequently utilized...in canon. And - from a personal standpoint, when the tropes hit right, I - don’t necessarily mind. Depth can be dug out of the text, but it’s understandable for people to simplify when they’re simply writing or analyzing for their enjoyment.  

        I’m ace, so maybe I understand, Nonny, when you say that you don’t care for the physical aspects of love.  I personally, in my life, don’t necessarily want or need that kind of intimacy, and I don’t find myself straying into the smut tag too often to read about it as it stretches my comfort limits. Granted, I am not sex-repulsed, and it takes a great deal to upset me - however, if everything is in layers and someone enjoys writing smut, then they simply enjoy that layer. Romance isn’t less good and interpretations aren’t less good if there’s a degree of physicality in it. Heck, Admin Lins and I have discussed extensively the physicality of these books - we keep it off the blog 80% of the time because tagging, but it’s a present theme. And, all of us enjoy different things. At the end of the day I think we can’t say the tropes aren’t good when the tropes are the lead-ins that drew us into the more extensive stories.

         Furthermore, a lot of what is on this blog is “read,”and I will never say my read of a character or a part of canon is “right” - or that it's “right”-er than someone else’s. Yes, there’s room for passionate debate as evidenced by many, many essays, but I’m not upset when I can’t change anyone’s mind. People are not automatically wrong when they disagree with me - even if there’s textual evidence, there is difference in interpretation of that textual evidence. I understand why fandom thinks the way it does - though, you’ll have to forgive me, my brain is 90% of the time focused on Pillow Book. Regardless, whether you walk out of a book thinking “this character has this much depth and this many flaws” or “this character is just a flat out antagonist” is very much dependent on you. Yes, we as a blog synthesize textual evidence to make that synthesis easier, but ultimately we are no better judges of anyone’s personality than anyone else out in the fandom.

         Rather, I think sometimes for the sake of finding reasons or understanding, or when we look for evidence fitting our own assumptions about characters sometimes we lean into a softer read, maybe entirely without realizing it. This is a big no in the world of analytical writing for the sake of, ironically “objectivity”  - but this is for enjoyment and not academia. There are times when textual evidence is untouched by the author's tone in terms of connotation and so when we take it for our reading and we have our pre-formed opinions we fall a little more between the lines. Admin Lins and I obviously differ in where this happens as we each have our own, minutely different vibes for characters in question. We know where our confirmation biases in interpretation might lie. Everyone has those. 

         Up till about February or March this year, I, like a lot of the rest of this fandom, wanted to roast Ji Heng on a spitfire. That is my bias. We are humans, and I think we are perhaps incapable of reading something and staying entirely objective to each character. I clawed my way out of my bias (I say ‘clawed’ because it was difficult), however, by looking at the book, looking at my own opinions, looking at other people’s opinions and asking myself: which parts of this is most likely to be true? I think the only way of striving toward objectivity in terms of portrayal is to consider other people’s portrayals, even if you don’t like them - and see if there’s any truth you can see past your bias. And to accept that truth, even if it’s a hard pill to swallow.

         I guess what I have been trying to say, for this entire time, is that we are not the authority on what is and isn’t objective, on what is and isn’t right in these characters, interpretations, and this blog. We are glad to be an interpretation you enjoy - but that doesn’t mean the rest of the fandom who have different opinions are wrong or misinterpretations. I realize we can come across like that sometimes because we make salty memes and because we write long paragraph essays when we have opinions, but ultimately, no one is wrong. Our bubble of enjoyment is our bubble, and no one has to agree with us.

[maesterkenobi]

how I run my blog

Tagged by: as usual I’ve stolen it from @mynameisanakin  Tagging: no one, i am too lazy and i follow like 14 people so. just do it if you want to.

SPEED: is not my forte. I try my best, but there are several factors that work against me in this aspect: 1) I’m a chronic procrastinator 2) I’m scatterbrained 3) I have more than one blog 4) I almost never write replies that are less than two paragraphs and I want it to make sense and be good and be enjoyable for my partner, so it takes time. I almost never reply the same day (MAYBE on discord, because there my replies are way shorter and it’s mostly to my best friend), and you’re lucky if I reply within a week. I really try to be faster on this blog because I made a promise to myself (and I was doing okay until the whole virus thing happened and I ran into a bunch of personal problems) AND I am keeping a low profile on this blog so it doesn’t get overwhelming. Long story short, if you are looking for a super active daily replies partner, I am not it for you. If you’re okay with waiting for a while but getting more developed stories and longer replies in turn, then we should talk :)

REPLIES: Are on the longer side on this blog. I don’t really have the patience for one liners because they tend to go nowhere and then feel like bread crumbs of randomness all over my blog. They’re okay sometimes, but more often than not they feel like crack. Writing replies is really exhausting for me sometimes, but I try to force myself because I WANT to do it, I’m just having issues concentrating on one thing at a time so it takes me forever.

STARTERS: I don’t write welcoming starters because 8 out of 10 times they get ignored or are so random that they lead nowhere. If someone writes me a welcoming starter, it depends on the content but usually I’ll try to make it work for me and reply. I don’t often like starter calls because most people write absolutely pointless starters. For example they’ll write a paragraph of explaining what their muse did all day (unrelated to my muse), then walk into some random place they’ve never been to (e.g. a shady bar) and suddenly get surprised by my muse being there, and/or, my personal favorite, say something like “what the hell do you want from me”? Which I struggle with for several reasons. One, if you create a setting but don’t bother explaining why we’re there, you put the entire weight of explaining that (aka creating the actual setting) on ME, but you add an additional complication by making it something that I didn’t come up with, so now I have to introduce a world YOU invented with 0 idea of why you chose that particular location in the first place. Second, you put my muse in a situation that makes no sense for them and again force me to explain that, without even giving me a good reason to. And third, I play very different muses, but most of them are going to lose interest in the conversation immediately if the first thing you say to them is rude af. So, yeah, I actually really struggle with most random starters. Please just plot with me and then I will love you forever for writing me a plotted starter that I know will not create 400 questions in my head that I then have to bother you with, which makes me feel like a nuisance. (Or at least keep the setting neutral? Or try to come up with something that seems reasonable for my muse? I always try to do that and when I am unsure, I message the person who liked my starter calls.) Speaking of which, I rarely post starter calls, because.. well, like I just kind of explained, it’s comes with responsibility and work. And I’m lazy.

INBOX: is open for memes at all times, and questions of any kind. I often don’t get notified, so I sometimes see certain messages months later - when that happens, I usually don’t reply anymore if they’re anon because I’ll assume that person forgot or isn’t even around anymore. Sorry about that! It’s an issue I’ve had on several blogs and I don’t know how to fix it. Anon hate is deleted without comment, unless I feel there’s a point in replying to it publicly, or if it’s entertaining. I don’t roleplay via inbox and therefore any “ic” questions or interactions posted in there will be treated as a one-time meme, if I can reply to them at all. Asks of sexual nature from complete strangers will usually be ignored because Obi-Wan isn’t the muse for that at all. As I’ve stated in my rules I only roleplay with mutuals and therefore won’t roleplay with someone I don’t follow, even if they ignore that rule and start rping with me via inbox. I don’t mean to be dismissive, but I have these rules for a reason and I ask that people read and respect them.

SELECTIVITY: I am selective with whom I follow because I have limited time and energy for this blog (and all my blogs) and therefore find it irresponsible and pointless to accept 600 followers and threads when I know I can’t possibly reply to even 10% of them. Before I follow someone (back) I look at their blogs; in particular at their writing (to see if I like their style and their portrayal), their rules (to see what they like/dislike and if our general understanding of the RPC, roleplay, and in a way social interactions in general go well together), and sometimes their OOC posts to get a feeling of how the other person is. (Obviously I also sometimes don’t follow back when I don’t know the muse or fandom at all.) Blog rules and ooc posts can say A LOT about a person, and there are plenty of people in the RPC (in any fandom) that quickly rose to tumblr fame with shiny graphics and fancy formatting and dozens of well-developed verses and headcanons, but they straight up suck as people outside of writing. My rules state very clearly that I discourage hateful comments, mob mentality and callout culture, and unfortunately many “popular” blogs use exactly these tools to execute their power (which comes from being admired for all the wrong reasons). So, I know many people think being selective means you only pick partners with fancy graphics and poetic writing, but for me it actually means I want decent human beings as partners. I don’t give a shit if you format your posts (as long as you cut them) or if you have a blog with a fancy theme, or just a rules google doc, or if you use icons or not. If I like your writing and you seem like a nice and reasonable person, I’m good to go. If you talk to me about dogs I’m even better to go.

WISHLIST: I always try to have one because I find it very helpful when looking for plot ideas with new partners. I will look at yours if you like a plotting call or something too, but I know not everyone has a wishlist~

HONEST NOTE: I’m not a teenager anymore and I’ve been rping for over 14 years. I work with lots of strangers, I study for a job with lots of strangers. I think about philosophical concepts a lot, about morality and human behavior and I’ve come to the conclusion that kindness, empathy and compassion are some of the core values every single person should focus on to make the world a better place. I have no patience and no interest in engaging in the absolute toxic and harmful hate movement that’s taken over this website (and other social media platforms) in whatsoever way. Occasionally I’ll make a salty comment about it, but only because I’ve had it up to here. I am here to enjoy fandom the way I used to, and the way it used to be meant to be enjoyed - not to completely ignore real issues like world politics, economical and environmental crises, in order to entertain witch hunts on people who happen to enjoy a fictional ship that isn’t 300% approved by puritan statutes of the 1600s. I am responsible for the content I seek out online, and so are you. Does it suck when I see something I dislike? Sure. Is it the fault of the person who posted it? No. Especially not when I read their rules first, like I’m supposed to, and they clearly state that the thing I dislike will appear on their blog. And even if they didn’t, it was my choice to go on their blog and look at their content. If you can’t handle taking responsibility for the content you seek out online, then you are probably not old enough to use the internet unsupervised. I am free to write, read, and post on my personal blog whatever I want, as long as I am not breaking the law. Liking a fictional ship that involves an age gap? Not illegal. Liking a fictional ship that involves siblings? Not illegal. Liking a fictional ship in which one party was abusive to the other at some point? Not illegal. Liking a fictional character who killed your fave? Not illegal. It’s fictional. Get over it. And if you really think that seeing fictional characters or ships online that YOU consider “problematic” is hurting people in real life, then you should join those politicians who burn books that are “corrupting the people’s morals and minds”, who ban video games because they “make gamers violent”, and censor songs from the radio because they “present biased views on people of public importance”. Please reflect on your behavior. Destroying someone’s life because they liked something you don’t, telling them to commit suic/ide, ruining their chance of making friends who maybe share their love for a ship or character.. that’s bullying. Some of the cases I’ve seen on here were so severe, they qualify as serious cyberbullying and should be reported to the police. I don’t give a fuck if you hate Rey/lo or Damon Salva/tore, or the Joker. You don’t go and send someone messages telling them to kill themselves because they RP it. Because that is the real crime. And finally, if you feel the need to “educate” someone you consider “problematic” for whatever reason and you actually approach them - make sure you’re actually there to educate and discuss, not to throw an opinion at them and get aggressive when they don’t immediately magically agree. Because chances are they won’t. If you choose to open a dialogue, make sure it IS a fucking dialogue and not a condescending monologue. Learn how to shape an argument, find evidence to back up your claims - because not only will you become better at talking to people in any kind of situation, you’ll also maybe realize that your opinion wasn’t as well-founded as you thought.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

(yes, I might be a space alien from the bizarro dimension — please excuse me, I'm just passing through :') I don't know if it'll ease your mind at all to tell you it wasn't a typo. But I'll try to elaborate because I do feel kind of bad for making you feel that way. Though, as a warning, there's probably going to be a lot of goalpost moving. I'm probably reaching with most of the following. (1/?)

So, speaking hypothetically. I'll start with the basic premise. Being competent at something means, to a degree, that it's possible that someone trusts in that competence. Whether that trust is or isn't built on nothing is immaterial — the concept of being trusted in itself leads to pressure. Like peer pressure, or expectations. So I'll say that being competent is a state of being that requires maintenance. (space alien, 2/?)

What if I was trusted to do something, but I was incapable of delivering? Would not one possible solution to prevent, or lower the likelihood of that happening be to never gain competence, and thus, never be put in a position where my expertise would be tested, only for me to fail? It's admittedly not a good place to be. I don't know with certainty what I am but that's of secondary importance. (space alien, 3/?)

(I apologise for the length. I would squeeze the apology elsewhere but this one is the shortest of all 8 paragraphs.) Then I got thinking about what could have a similar result as derived from various cores of the enneagram. (space alien, 4/?)

1s may consider the evil of doing others harm: if gaining competence meant becoming good at hurting other people, would it not be good for them to mitigate the issue in some way? Put in a position of power thanks to their competence, they may be at risk of developing an ego. Feeling correct in their views they may act with arrogance and cut down their opposition. In other words, they fear the corruptive influence of power gained through the path of competence. (space alien, 5/?)

2s might seek not to become competent because they want to be helpful; in a situation where they perceive their incompetence as beneficial they might well seek to remain an individual who's helpless. (space alien, 6/?)

4s might well come to the conclusion that skills they aren't born with— those latent, natural talents— are inauthentic because they don't arise naturally. An individual who has the philosophy that what they're born with is all they have, and that working to gain more means that they're acting against their nature. (space alien, 7/?)

7s might want to escape from a situation where they are forced to maintain the status quo — if competence in a field meant they had to become a maintainer of said status quo, and their responsibilities prevented them from experiencing new things, would they not want to avoid it? (space alien, 8/8)

(space alien, small addendum) Though I was being blithe earlier, I wanted to let you know that I am in a better place now than I was. It still sneaks up on me from time to time, however. Thanks and sorry about all this.

------------------------

Hi anon,

This got really academic-sounding because I tend to slip into that habit when I write an essay addressing an argument so in short: I think the fear you described is a fear of responsibility, but you’ve made an assumption (which I disagree with) that responsibility occurs if and only if the person is first competent. With that in mind the most likely enneatype is 7, though 9 is also possible.

Long answer:

This was extremely helpful in that it revealed the fear is not competence, but rather a collection of possible hypothetical implications thereof. Much of this was dependent on competence leading to extremely specific and not necessarily likely outcomes; additionally a lot of the arguments here don’t logically follow and as a result obscure the core fears, and a few rely on incorrect enneagram descriptions.

In part 2-3 the fear described is not of being competent, but the pressure of having responsibility and therefore having to living up to expectations the possibility failure. We also run into the core fallacy of the initial ask which is that responsibility is a certain consequence of competence, which for better or for worse is not true.

The rest is a specific exploration of certain enneatypes, addressed here:

It is true that a 1 would not want to become good at being evil, but that is a hyper-specific situation, and the fear is still “I don’t want to be corrupt”, not “I don’t want to be good at anything”. By this logic, wouldn’t they want to become highly competent at doing good instead?

It also relies on many, many assumptions - that competence always leads to power, that power always leads to arrogance, that arrogance would lead to cutting down the opposition, and that doing so is bad (what if the opposition is evil?).

A lot of average health 1s really want power because there’s often this undercurrent of belief that only they know how to do things the correct way. Additionally, 1 is highly correlated with high Te which tends to strongly value being capable. I think it’s safe to say that the vast majority of 1s if anything fear being incompetent.

For 2s...how would being helpless ever be more helpful? By definition, helpless means you are incapable of providing help to yourself and others, and 2s want to be loved by others typically through being helpful.

For 4s, while I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that on this earth there is a person who is a type 4 and holds this belief, I would not ascribe this belief to be a major characteristic of 4s as a whole. If you’re trying to type a specific person with this fear then it would be a simple matter of confirming if they do have this highly specific philosophy as well, but in general 4s seek to distinguish themselves. Additionally, it is important to remember that 4s seek to be unique, not authentic necessarily. Authenticity is more tied to Fi than 4. 4s often try on multiple personas in an effort to be someone unique.

For 7s, that again is making the assumption that competence leads to something. In fact, the description for 7 is a good way to address the core problem of this argument in general which is that becoming competent in something is seen as, first of all, a binary, when it’s a range (many people can have a skill at varying degrees) and second, that upon achieving competence you are suddenly both saddled with responsibility and deprived of agency. Finally, you mention that the 7 fears having a responsibility that would prevent them from being able to experience other things. That is a true fear of the 7...but the scenario you’ve created is both not at all unique to competency (there are many ways a person can become responsible for something) nor is it an inevitable consequence of competency (plenty of competent people are not the primary person responsible in that area).

So in summary: you’re describing a few different fears. The only one that makes sense is that of a 7 fearing responsibility. The description of 1 relies on too many unlikely assumptions and contingencies, that of a 2 contradicts itself, and that of a 4 is based less in 4 and more in Fi (and again relies on an extremely unlikely hypothetical) but I can easily see many 7s fearing responsibility and therefore avoiding things that could theoretically lead to them being put in a position where they’d be asked to be the responsible person. This would fit some of the jack-of-all-trades, master of none stereotypes of the 7 as well.

[theladyragnell]

I adore your fanfics so very much!! Do you by chance have any writing tips?

Hello, dear anon! Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond to you, I was out of town till last night and then I was Exhausted and I wanted to have a brain when I answered this ask.

I’m so glad and honored that you like my stories enough to be asking me for writing tips! I’m also going to disappoint you and say:

There is no advice that works for everyone. It’s just the nature of the beast. I’ll tell you what works for me, but chances are large that you’ll have your own method and I’m not going to be much assistance to you. So, that’s the big disclaimer. Now to actual advice!

1. Look, this is what everyone says, but it’s helpful: read. Read things you like, and figure out why. Read a few things you hate, and figure out why. Read some nonfic, and some fiction, and some fanfiction! Writers tend to be magpies. I’ll read something and say “I want to try this trope” or “this writing style really works for me” or “this side character is great, I want to write a character like this,” and there’s a kernel of an idea. Read some things with a critical eye, and some things for the sheer joy of it. And I guess I shouldn’t just be saying “read,” because this holds just as true for watching TV shows and movies, playing video games or RPGs, and listening to podcasts and music. The point is to consume narrative and see what works for you and what doesn’t.

2. Write what you want to write. Don’t write because you think it’s what’s popular and what will get an agent, or don’t write because it’s the fandom trend and you want hits and kudos. Write a story you know only you will care about (though I guarantee you’re never the only one), write something because a friend is having a bad day and you want to make them happy. If you don’t care about what you’re writing, you won’t get off the ground. And, as a reader? I will forgive inexpert writing, cheesiness and well-worn tropes, and a hundred other sins if something feels like it was written with joy.

3. If you’re writing to post (I’m assuming that above all you’re asking about writing fanfic), then do some basic editing. I know fandom is anxiety-inducing, especially socializing, so I’m not going to tell you to get a beta. I don’t really have one, other than Samy catching my typos while she reads my day’s words. But check your spelling, your grammar, your punctuation. When you’re posting, check your formatting and make sure your paragraphs are showing up right, that your quotation marks are in the right places, that character names and place names etc. are spelled right. Readers are way more forgiving and enthusiastic that way.

4. You are not as good as you want to be. That is fine. It’s also, unfortunately, probably going to be true for a lot of your writing career, though the goalposts do move. I’m not as good as I want to be! And starting out in fandom can be ruthless, because if your early stories, when you’re still learning to write, might not get a huge readership (though who knows, it’s hard to predict what fandom will do), it’s easy to get discouraged and stop. I’m glad that I spent a long time writing things that will never be seen by the public eye, because it meant that when I started writing fanfic and posting it, I’d worked out at least some of those early kinks. If you’re worried about your skills, try writing a few things only you will ever see, or fill some prompts over at a kink meme or somewhere else you can be anonymous. Ease yourself in.

5. Some of the best writing advice, at least for me, that I ever saw was on tumblr. I don’t do it often, but when I do it has a material impact on whatever I’m writing. Write something, then rewrite it. Don’t edit, just have two windows up and completely rewrite the whole thing. It’s a horrible, painstaking process and I’ve only had the courage to do it for short things, but it makes your work so much better.

That’s kind of what I’ve got for general writing advice? If you want to come back and ask for plot advice, or character advice, or worldbuilding advice, or something else like that, I may be able to help a little more with specificity, or at least walking you through my process, but for writing in general that’s about what I’m willing to say.

[babyshawwn]

It's not that I think you shouldn't share your opinion or that I have trouble with other people's opinion is that when you talk about your opinion you have a way of saying it that makes other people feel like they wrong and you're right, that makes people feel like shit, it makes me feel like shit, you didn't need a whole paragraph explaing yourself because it's not how you meant to say something it's how it was percieved and although you could of meant no harm thats not how it sounded.

then again I'm not saying you're rude, I'm saying when you express your opinion you write in a way that is can easily be interpreted as you coming off aggressive or rude. but I'm telling you, not to be redundant, it's not how you meant it, it's how it was heard, words are hard and you might not have meant it go be rude but at least try and see what I'm saying and that I'm not tryna attack you but give you some feedback. All i'm saying is think how people might take what you wrote.

Okay this is actually really getting on my nerves and making me rather upset, because what you are saying is basically ‘I’m not calling you rude but you’re rude’. And if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s rude. If there’s one thing I don’t do, it’s make people feel badly about themselves. And I know that. I’ve always been told that. I always treat people good even when they don’t deserve it. You’re hiding behind a screen as an anon and you’re pinning all these things on me and I have a hard time seeing it and if you’re doing this to “be nice” show me your face, talk to me normally, come off anon.

I understand what you’re saying but I honestly don’t see it. It’s like everyone wants something different when they ask me something and I can’t change the way I write or speak or think for every single person. I write long paragraphs to answer and explain and then I’m rude because I don’t share the opinion or I’m bringing someone down because I’m explaining my view on things - which I’ve been asked to do! Or I write down yes or no and then that’s wrong too. The way that I write on here, is the way that I write my stories, it’s the way I write my friends, it’s how I write at work and there’s nothing wrong with it and it’s never been a problem. When I was at my worst, I didn’t speak for a year and a fucking half. I did not open my mouth because I was so damn afraid of how people would think of what I said, would they judge me? Would they think I was stupid? Dumb? Would they misunderstand? Take it the wrong way? Could I say this in a wrong way? Could I say this and sound stupid? Friend, I spend hours on (over)thinking everything I say or write through - and this right here would have cracked me back then but I won’t let it now - but I think about my words and I don’t see how it brings people down? They ask me to answer and I write and mumbled and I go on about a topic, because they asked me to. YOU asked me to. And as I say most when I answer something, it’s my thoughts, it’s how I see Shawn but what the hell do I know? I’m not in the right, I don’t think I’m right when I answer questions but when they ask me to answer with my honest opinion, I will. If someone asks me to answer someone I’m going to write a lot about it and explain how I see things so they can follow my way of thinking, because that’s what you want when you send me an ask like that. That’s not forcing people to be on my side, that’s like when you’re writing an essay and you have to be able to point out things that backs what you’re saying. I can’t just say “Shawn is this” without explaining why I think Shawn’s like that. 

Lets go back to my 10 lasts answered asks or something? Because I don’t see it. Lets break them down and you tell me where I’m being horrible or mean or rude or whatever? Because I don’t get this and I take things like this to heart. 

Ask 1: This really lovely girl said she found a story of mine cute and then she asked me about a part she didn’t understand. I wrote her back thanking her for her lovely words and then I tried explaining the certain part in the story she asked about. And she wrote back “thank you for the long answer

Ask 2: An anon asked me if she was the only one who had a picture of what people looked like based on their personality and intelligence. And I said “no, I think I do that as well. Make up pictures in my head when I haven’t seen the persons face” - How am I treating them like “shit”? Or making them feel like “shit”- I’m just agreeing. 

Ask 3: A really lovely anon who has a hard time dealing with her parents. I wrote back that I was so sorry things were hard and that things can get rough when you’re a teenager and argue a lot with your parents. I told her to remember how beautiful she was and that I hope things would get better soon - again, where? 

Ask 4: An anon asked me what people made me feel good about my writing and I answered back that people who like, reblog, comment, send asks about it makes me feel so warm and so loved. And I told them how thankful I was for them and how I couldn’t thank them enough for being so sweet and lovely and kind. - Where?

Ask 5: An anon asked me how my boyfriend felt about me writing Shawn smut and I just answered back that he didn’t know any writing on tumblr but otherwise he’s very supportive of my writing :’) - Tell me where my words are being taking as something I’m not meaning?

Ask 6: An anon wrote to me about being hypochondriac and I answered back that sadly people have to deal with things like these and they’re so hard to deal with. I told them that it’s hard because it takes over big parts of your life and that really sucks. They told me about panic attacks and I said that it was okay to struggle and they would get over it after working on it. Things would get better.  - And these are really hard to answer because you just want these people to feel good and great and not have to deal with horrible things like this but where am I being rude? Or treating them badly? 

Ask 7: A lovely girl wrote to me about my stories and I was literally just thanking her with all my love and telling how much it meant to me and how thankful I was for the message and that she  was the loveliest ever - where are my words harsh? Where am I saying something I shouldn’t?

Ask 8: my friend wanted a Shawn point of view of a story and we talked about that. Sending hearts and wishing love. 

Ask 9: Someone asked about the best thing about my relationship and I answered back that I thought it was the love in the relationship but that it was a tough question. And I said sorry for not making any sense lol because I couldn’t put words on what I wanted to say - again, I don’t see it.

Ask 10: Someone asked what Lukas looked like and I told them how he looked. 

Like I could go on with these and not get where I’m forcing people to think I’m right, where I’m treating someone like shit, where I’m using hard words and being rude? Like I just don’t see it. I hear you and I take it in - obviously I do because I care enough to answer - but it gets on my nerve because I don’t see it? I can’t change my personality and I feel like that’s what you’re pointing out. The way i answered these are just my personality?