#sorry for the insane guy ramblings

[thesearethingsetcetera]

228-239 okay wrapping up la medicine round 1 and into la medicine part 2. good ass rotation mates on the first round, people contain multitudes. i love when people drop the social posturing and say things genuinely, cool shit. sad sad sad euth. no one should leave this bitch of an earth alone and on an empty stomach but sometimes that's the way the dice roll. worse even when there's not a good answer, medically. also to ruminate on idolizing in vet med, what's the point if your idol doesn't know your name or seem to have interest in teaching you. my oracle deck said time to drop it so i think i'm gonna listen. idk how to be a person and there's some pathology/bad patterns at work here but i can say for certain that this is doing me no favors. also a separate rumination but for a female dominated profession we all just kinda hate women. i had someone tell me she had trouble operating a device and "it wasn't just me, I had a man look at it" that's great sweaty daddy's gonna go put a gun in her mouth now.

[lolabearwrites]

Read a fic the other day and it featured lu guang as a fanfic writer (Canon universe) at first I was a little hesitant to the idea but then I remembered, this is a man who watches anime and does cosplay, he would absolutely read and write fanfiction.

Then that got me thinking about the ao3 author's curse and how absolutely unhinged and insane lu guangs author's notes would be

[serenedash]

Nomura was insane for that statement he made. I know I should be focused on the foreteller part of it but I'm stuck on the inspiration for so much coming from the story of an American blues musician meeting with the devil to get guitar skills.

Like on one hand. Darkness/mom, mom/foretellers, marluxia/sora, mom/xehanort and xehanort/terra all being the devil and guitar player throughout the series imo. But also all I can think about is the devil went down to gerogia because that is so xehanort and sora to me in kh3 like is that literally not their vibe and it's also such a hysterical vision in my mind. I'm sorry like:

"Well, that ol' Devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat

And he laid that golden fiddle down on the ground at Johnny's feet

Johnny said, "Devil, come on back if you ever wanna try again"

Also "this means demyx is mom" I will kms if that's the truth. I think its funnier if demyx also somehow "made a deal with the devil" but he's the only literal interpretation of this story in kh and that's why he has a sitar it would incredibly hilarious

[Edit] tumblr mobile is being a dick not letting me add a link here's what Nomura said irt BBS 15th anniversary on twt:

[asterdex]

i've seen people joke about it but... is there any kind of consensus within the community regarding the player and Gaster's relationship? is it something that everybody just naturally agrees on and doesn't talk about it because there's no point to it or am I just going crazy on my own??

like yeah sure, first and foremost, we have the tweets written by Gaster himself and addressing the player, either rejoicing in seeing us showing the same kind of interest and fascination in him that he does for us, or describing how wonderful and special that "connection" we have is, how it makes him feel to be connected with us and how specifically "beautiful" and "exciting" it is for him to enter in contact with us.

Or talking about HE and WE specifically feel about each other, and going on about creating something together, as partners- i mean as a team.

And then we have the Goner Maker sequence, during which he keeps going on and on about how "wonderful" our creation is, guiding us step by step towards the realization of the EMBODIMENT of a player's freedom in a video game : their own avatar. Gaster is the only one in this game who is actively giving the player that much freedom, who is trying so hard to accomodate the player, to fulfill their wants and needs.

(unsure if it still needs to be said nowaday but no, the person discarding our vessel isn't Gaster, they talk in a different typer (given the fact Gaster's typers are always 666 or 667, it seems important to note that this new person talk in typer 2), not using any upper-cases, and not remotely talking in the same way (in japanese even more obviously than in english : Gaster talks in broken katakana japanese with some kanji while the other voice talk in hiragana and complex kanji. they also don't use the same second person pronouns when talking to the player), so yes, Gaster is STILL the character who seems to (at least in appearance) want THE MOST the player to be the most confortable possible, out of every other character in this game)

This idea of Gaster giving the player AS MUCH freedom as he can, in a world that seemes to be DESIGNED for us not to have any freedom, is first obviously supported by the way he is takling about "CREATING A NEW FUTURE" with our help, suggesting that OUR power as a player should be able to change the future and that it is in his interests for us to find the freedom leading us to that "NEW FUTURE", but it is also implied with the fact it seems that it is Gaster who is giving us access to three different save files, as we can see him talk and comment each one of our actions in the menu of an incomplete Ch1.

Gaster is ON THE PLAYER'S SIDE. or at the very least, he's doing a very good job at pretending he is. And it makes sense for him to be the only character who seems to INCONDITIONALLY support the player : he's the only one who seems to truly understand WHAT is the player, at least more than every other characters in this game. (there's an argument to be made about Ralsei, who seems to also only want the player's happiness, but 1. he doesn't really have the power to accomodate the player like Gaster does, so each one of his attempt to please us either end in just giving us fake hope, or being cancelled out by Susie (who seems to naturally oppose the player whenever she does something), and 2. unlike Gaster, Ralsei is CLEARLY suffering from always trying to please everyone else, especially the player, for whom he believes he needs to play the role of a LITERAL background character who's only here to serve and make them happy. Ralsei suffers from trying to please the player, while it seems like Gaster only gets enjoyment out of it, repeatedly stating that being connected to us is as wonderful for him as it is for us)

And the way Gaster views the player has become a bit clearer with his Ch3 and 4 messages, that can be used on top of his usual Game Over dialogues to suggest that he is watching us play at all times, is rooting for us, knows things about how this world works that we don't and is willing to give hints when he feels like it is necessary, and can be genuinely impressed by "our power", supposedly our determination and/our our pure game skills.

His Game Over message could even be interpreted as him trying to emotionally manipulate us into trying again, even when we told him we've given up, telling us how our absence led the world to be "covered in darkness", before cueing a very sad rendition of his own theme before closing the game after 66 seconds. Bro is literally looking at us through the screen with the saddest look in his eyes trying to coax us into trying again by making us feel bad. Maybe he DOES really need us as much as he says he does.

And maybe the most interesting recent dialogues of them all, at the end of Ch4, he congratulates the player for making it this far, quickly mentions how long we will need to wait for the next chapter/connection... Before refering to Deltarune as "HIS" DELTARUNE??

Up until that very moment, Gaster has always talked about "the future", "this world" as a 'team effort', always including us in the realization of it all, making us feel like we WERE an important part of whatever scheme he has in mind... Hell, sometimes he even talks as if THE PLAYER'S actiosn were actually ALSO his ("SHALL WE HASTEN?" against the Knight, when in reality the player is doing all the hard work here), which didn't seem strange because as a TEAM, that kind of way to speak is pretty normal. but in this moment, it somewhat feels like Gaster is trying, or at least thinking about taking ownership over everything "we" have created together. Was it his intention since the beginning, or is he just stating to love this game/world so much he's subconsciously seeing it as "his" and having troubles sharing it with the other person who helped reaching its realization? or maybe are we not completely understanding our role in his plan yet?

And all of this, all of this weird undertone of codependant relationship between Gaster and the player, this mutual fascination and genuine feelings for one another, whatever those feelings can be, ALL OF THIS without even talking about the Demon/Angel parallels we could ALSO talk about regarding how the relationship between those two transdimensional entity could go.

Let's assume the player is the Angel. (The Angel is said to "light up the path" of believers, the player's soul's distinctive power is to produce light on its own. The Angel is said to be "watching over" the world and people, the player's pov seems to come from the sky, from "HEAVEN" some could say. The Angel is traditionally represented without facial features, as Noelle and Dess's doll's description at the hospital points out, and the we are unable to see how the Angel looks like in the prophecy, which would make a lot of sense if the Angel was supposed to be the player, someone who, inherently, has to be faceless to represent ALL of us. The player's soul gets trapped under an Angel doll at Noelle's house. The Titan we see in Ch4 uses a lot of the imagery typically associated with the Angel, and first appears with an image suggesting a "real human face". That is SOME of the reasons why it's easy to assume the player is the Angel, at least in SOME versions of DR's reality (for example it would be possible for Noelle to take the role of the Angel in a Weird Route or something, the same way the Angel was two people at the same time in UT ; one benevolent Angel, and one Angel of Death, depending on the run the player is doing)).

Gaster has always been associated with demonic symbolism, the most obvious of which being the repeated connection he has with the number "6" : the typer associated with him is 666, in both UT and DR, his hidden stats in UT are filled with 6s, each one of the funvalues directly calling him by name are all happening between 61 and 65 (which is also why it is so commonly accepted to say that the mystery man from the funvalue 66 is supposed to represent Gaster himself in some way), the theme DARKNESS FALLS, as previously mentionned, is 66s seconds long, etc...

Interestingly enough, supporting the interpretation of these "666" as being the Devil's number, Gaster also made an appearance in the "demon text" of UT during a very short period of time : alongside a text CLEARLY written by Chara, "the demon who comes when people call its name", another line appeared in PRECISELY the version 1.05A of the game, saying "HE IS". (for more information on the demon texts if you are interested here is a post by Underlore talking about it)

It makes sense for Chara to be present in the DEMON text, because they call themself a demon, and it makes sense for Gaster to be there as well, as he's so often associated with the number 6. and ironically enough, while Chara is the demon who comes when people call its name, when we first name them at the beginning of the game, we are UNABLE to write or hear the name of Gaster in most playthrough. In a way, it's as if he's specifically a foil to Chara, the demon who comes when people DOESN'T call its name, haha.

And this makes sense with WHAT Chara is supposed to be : Chara is the player's completionist will, what pushes them to conquer and consume every last bit of a game, leaving nothing left behind them, metaphorically "destroying" worlds for their own entertainment. But, because of his very special status in the game, Gaster just cannot be "consumed" like every other content can ; he is often the very last thing keeping people interested in UT, when everything else has been read and analyzed, only him stays "unsolved", everything one can know and believe to understand about him feeling like a bottomless pit of endless possibilities. Literally the one thing the player needs to satiate Chara. Endless content, because incomplete.

Gaster has always given the player what they wanted, ever since UT. He is in a way the opposite force opposing the player's will to SEE and DO everything, because he is the content they will never be able to SEE and TRULY interact with, but this is this exact force that makes the player feels so connected to the world ; if the content is seemingly endless because unreachable, then the illusion of a fictional world being infinite is achieved. and as a result, the player becomes obsessed with that world that seems oh so real.

Because of this duality between these two, it could be easy to suggest the possibility that Gaster isn't "just" a demon, but The Devil, acting as a counterpart to The Angel, the player. After all, it is Gaster with whom we made a suspicious deal at the very beginning of DR, giving him our SOUL regardless of what the consequences would be.

Who else would offer a deal with such absolute conditions than the Devil itself, the one who is represented by the number 666, the one who we are told to "beware" from the very first time we hear about him.

All of this to say i do not think it would be so wild to assume that, with everything that we know about how the player's and Gaster's goals, wants and ENTIRE EXISTENCES allign but also complete one another, it wouldn't be so out there to believe that maybe, similarly to how Flowey in UT became obsessed with the player because they were the only person existing at a similar plane of existence as him, the player and Gaster would develop very strong feelings for one another, because they are the only ones in this fictional world who see it as a fictional world, the only ones who understand one another, and who can help each other effortlessly, simply by following their own instincts.

TL;DR i ship the player and Gaster and i made it everybody else's problem

[cloudbends]

It's been rotating in my brain for a while, so I decided to compile my thoughts about the parallels between anaxa and sunday in terms of the way their writing, personality and themes align with one another. At this point, I don't believe this is coincidental.

Anaxa sees reason and emotion as coexisting concepts instead of opposing ends. he rejects himself but he doesn't reject his humanity. he rejects his life but doesn't reject his personhood. he debatably has more faith in his students than he does in himself, because he puts so much trust in them to continue his work. to question everything. to forsake everything. to prove everything he can because he has nothing to lose. he guards his theories with his life because its literally all he has left. and i just like how antideterministic it is. they're doomed but he proves its not humanity being doomed by the gods, its humanity's ability to both doom and save itself.

the parallels between sunday and anaxa are best summed up by these two quotes from their respective trailers:

sunday: knowing there were no gods who could save people unconditionally. to change anything, you can only rely on yourself.

anaxa: gods, decry it as blasphemy - if that is all you can do [...] we alone are the true gods of this world.

How can they believe there's such a thing as a god after all they've lost? A line that particularly stuck out to me in anaxa's stories was cerces's goading of anaxa, asking him if he prayed to the titans upon seeing his hometown ruined and his sister dead. It disclosed a deeper, more personal sentiment anaxa has towards the titans than a mere desire to erase their existence. For anaxa, forsaking the gods means to wrestle control back to humanity's hands, to his hands, in the face of an uncontrollably tragic fate.

In this sense, both anaxa and sunday must deal with a desire for control, doing so by getting their respective gods out of the equation. I think Sunday's words at the grand theatre are incredibly important to this point, and indicate just how similar (if, of course, different circumstantially) their characters and arcs are:

Sunday: My desire is not to resurrect a fallen Aeon, or become one myself... my sole objective is to create a paradise free from Aeons, where the Order ensures the dignity and happiness of all humanity. A paradise exclusive to us human beings".

Sunday, for all his religious theming and imagery, wishes to forsake the gods in favour of an order of safety, to be the sole person remaining awake to guard the dreaming. I think it's very interesting that thematically, anaxa is framed as chaotic, wishing to disrupt the status quo, a perceived opposite to sunday, who in fact shares many more similarities with his mindset than you'd imagine. They both want to liberate mankind from the gods, so their fates won't be inextricably tied to the gods' whims, having grown disillusioned with them. Here however, the stark difference in their methods comes into play: while sunday's desire for humanity's happiness is regrettably robbing it of agency, anaxa's desire for humanity to gain its agency back is knowingly robbing them of their faiths.

Sunday doesn't have faith in humanity's ability to overcome hardships, and in order to be their protector, he decided to usurp the role of a god - he saw horrors so severe, that he felt he had to shoulder their protection for himself. Sunday operates by his sense of anxiety which inadvertently disclosed his lack of faith, taking things into his own hands to ensure they will go as well as possible - he can ensure the success and happiness of humanity only if he takes the burden upon himself and sees it through with his own hands. He feels only he can, or really must, be the responsible person who can shoulder the burden of protecting humanity, which inadvertently strips them of agency. Meanwhile, anaxa's entire thesis is based on his own disillusionment with the gods and faith in humanity, that his plan and eventual usurping of the titan position was in service of proving humanity's agency over the titans by their being identical beings. Anaxa has so much faith in humanity, to the point of disregarding his life and physical existence and completely trusting his students to continue what he can't finish. The blasphemer is driven by faith in humanity, while the believer is driven by distrusting the gods.

To their respective ends, they both decide to pose themselves as antagonists in the eyes of the public in order to ascend to a higher position at the expense of their own lives and well being. They're both themed and viewed as performers of sorts (depicted in stage settings, the performer and the conductor), which on the surface level, epitomise sunday as an organizer, a puppeteering figure, a follower of Order, and anaxa as the wild stage performer, a soliloquy giver, disrupting the audience's understandings of the world into chaos. I contend, however, that the complete opposite is true, making these parallels all the more compelling. Sunday's performance is entirely puppeteered and driven by his sense of anxiety, desperation, and an urge to escape reality, not being able to withstand its horrors - the order hides personal chaos. On the other side of the coin, anaxa's performance is the epitome of calculated, an argument and theory decades in the making, meant to be his final proof so he can leave the world that pained him behind to his students to nourish and give a final sacrifice for his equivalent exchange - the chaos hides personal order.

These two opposing ideas disclose the paralleling approaches anaxa and sunday take in regards to their ideals, and their differences in mental fortitude and personality. Anaxa is very self assured that his method will lead to his desired outcomes, marches entirely to the beat of his own drum, passing his thoughts to his cherished students and trusting them to continue what he doesn't believe he can survive to accomplish. Sunday, on the other hand, is defined by his insecurity, being surrounded by the hostile environment of the family, the younger figure thrust into a position of power through manipulation, and being forced to conform to it. Anaxa's figure is that of a teacher, an authority, while Sunday was inherently stuck in the position of a novice political figure, forced to sway according to the authorities around him.

Probably one of the most dominant aspects paralleling anaxa to sunday is both of their incredibly meaningful and impactful bonds they share with their sisters. While in sunday's case his bond takes central stage and in anaxa's stage we can only infer based on the little that is mentioned about it, I think it is no less significant to a thorough understanding of his character and motivations.

In both cases, two young siblings are left to fend off for themselves as their parents either die at the hands of war (sunday and robin) or decide to abandon their children (anaxa and his sister). And as such, they're each other's most meaningful connections in the world. Sunday owes robin his dream of a utopia, her ever supporter because her happiness is his, cementing his dedicating his life for the sake of others. In a similar vein, anaxa owes his sister his education, his access to knowledge, to experiments, to what is going to shape his life ambitions. However, I think what ties these characters further together is this sense of debt towards their sisters, in a way that feeds their selflessness and becomes their central means to achieve their goals.

Anaxa, in what I can infer from his character stories, genuinely views his life as disposable after his sister's death. His philosophical emphasis on equivalent exchange is, in large part, a reflection of his guilt towards his sister and her sacrifice - allowing him to study at the grove, at the expense of her own life the moment he left. In order for him to be worthy of her sacrifice - or the exchange to be equivalent - he must give away everything in order to achieve his goal. He must continuously chip away at his body, and his spirit, while insisting on retaining his heart and person, in order to make her death have meaning, for the rules of the world to make sense.

They're both so riddled with guilt, to the point it becomes their driving force. Both of their most significant human connections were to their sisters, feeling such an intense amount of debt towards both of them, that this sense of owing encourages them to keep chipping away at themselves in a subconscious effort to live up to both of their sister's "sacrifices" (robin's is more metaphorical). The kindness they received makes them eager to sacrifice more and more of themselves, creating a core of guilt that serves as their motivation to keep losing themselves for their grander goal.

The following portion of anaxa's 'chrysos' volume drew more parallels between the two in a way I can only interpret as being intentional, at the foremost through the use of the songbird motif. While sunday's charmony dove allegory bears no need to repeat, and I could write about it for hours, the following quote by anaxa is meaningful:

anaxa: I once carved a songbird that miraculously flapped its wings and took to the sky, though it circled five times at low altitude before falling...

As it is explicitly told, sunday's turning point in his life and ideology was finding the charmony dove and having to confront the moral dilemma, a choice he viewed to be between freedom and security. His anxiety began to take root, as he had to watch the bird he nursed back to health attempt to fly again, and watch it plummet to its death, cementing in his minds that the weak, those he cherishes, are better kept secure than free. Ironically, he doesn't realise that he himself is stuck in such a cage, terrified of flying, and how his thought process ends up straining his relationship with the same person he so wishes to protect.

I don't think it's coincidental that anaxa chooses to emphasize the fact that the bird he manifested into life, also met its death a short amount of time after it was created by his hands. They're both left unsatisfied - they both must strive to do better, to either preserve life (sunday) or to create life (anaxa), so long as they can make sense of death. Both of these incidents end up solidifying and crystallizing their worldviews: they must sacrifice more of themselves in order to achieve their dreams. Be it a boundless utopia in sunday's case - posing himself as the sole guarding figure who shelters humanity from the terrors of existence regardless of the gods; or achieving transcendence and reaching an absolute truth in anaxa's case - by, similarly, posing himself as the one who must chip away at himself in order to prove, and give meaning, to humanity's existence regardless of the gods.

And perhaps most tragically, eventually, both sunday and anaxa were forced to sacrifice a part of themslves and lose the things they were most scared of losing. Anaxa, who was willing to sacrifice his physical well being, is forced to sacrifice his imprints on history and theory, sacrificing others memories of him, his legacy, his achievements. Sunday, whose drive for the betterment of others arose first and foremost from how much he cherished his only family, had to sacrifice his connection to her, the person closest to him, so he could protect her - they are torn apart, while ever present in each others' minds.

Something about these two, and their relationship to faith, the gods, their families, and worldviews, is deeply compelling in its similarity. They should meet up.

[numberonetacostan]

Reminder that Mephone didn't leave the island between seasons 1 and 2. The season 2 newbies were made there. They did not need to be flown in. Mephone did this just to make a grand entrance. And fuck with OJ also I guess. He's so over the top and also stupid <3

[rev-velvet]

I find it extremely funny that Craig and Octavio are running a booth together at Grand Fest. Like you KNOW Octavio was probably like "Look your granddaughters and my grandchildren former soldiers are all here to have a good time. So truce." And then they get to old man gossiping and then maybe some reminiscing about before the war and their past friendship and words left unsaid and and and

[sonicranger1]

Hi so has anyone else noticed the fact Jim's horns resemble Araknaks alot more then Blinkys or am I gonna have to go insane over that realization myself

[canonically47]

why couldnt i have become obsessed with something useful like maths or something what the FUCK is toxic old man yaoi

[ultimateloserboy]

thinking about how duck doesnt know what breathing is. he asked what it is in the friendship episode. do you think hes stupid, or do you think his organs just lay lifeless in his chest at all times? do you think if he put his hand to red guys chest hed be surprised because what the fuck theres a thingy in there??? why is your chest kicking you, are you pregnant!?! what do you mean your heart BEATS, mine isnt doing that, is it lazy??? your lungs EXPAND??! thats so gross. may i take a seam ripper and see for myself? can i poke around in there? no?? why not??? youre so weird. youre so much warmer than me. youre so much softer than me. i dont think i have a heart anymore. i hope you lose yours too and we match. i hope we grow cold together. one day we’ll get bigger, and bigger, and we’ll be metal and artificial. then we wont have anything inside. dont you think its better that way? i told you so. big boys like us dont breath. bigger, smarter boys like us dont need hearts.

[kiwibirdlafayette]

VIOLENTLY SOBBING AT THAT ONE PART IN BDUBS VIDEO BY THE WAY. IF YOU EVEN CARE.

When he goes beep bloop he walks back over to the horse drama spot and does this stupid little reflection from like “wow we started with this horse arguement and look. it actually worked out this team thing. It actually worked out” (paraphrased) IM. DUDE. Dude dude due.

THESE TWO SEASONS BEING SUCH INSANE PARALLELS I FUCKIN TOLD YALL The ending being a literal opposite from how last life (the last etho team up) ended where they were separated to the tuff guys pretty much sticking together and having each others back till their goofy ass endings one after the other (ANDTANGO ACCIDENTALY ENDING BDUBS SERIES TOO AS LIKE AN UNINTENTIONAL REPAYMENT FOR THE LAST LIFE BOOGEY KILL. WHAT) it just. Oh my god i love the tuff guys so much. They make me so insane. I need to. I need

[iamespecter]

😭💥

[serenedash]

My problem is that I'm so overly emotionally invested in media it makes it impossible to talk to anyone ever about anything. Like is it not enough to say "khux" and then vomit on the floor

[lamestdyke]

i have this thing called “being miserable” and the only cure is my gf cumming on my face a minimum of 3 times

[larabar]

"so, that was fun"

[akuma-tenshi]

would you still love me if i was a worm frequently possessed by the spirit of richard sterling every time i play him