#sorry i took so long on this....... i am extremely sick rn

[h00f]

Hello. I'm amazed at your drawing skills. You have amazing drawings. I know this may not interest you anymore. But if you don't mind, can you please draw Sean? He looks great in your performance.

hello!!! thank you so much for your lovely ask!

wasn't sure what your favorite sean Era is, so i drew all three!

i still love the slenderverse dw, just dont get much time to post it anymore :( more will come though!

[aemondsladywife]

His Lady Wife : Alternative Ending I

aemond x reader

an alternative ending to 'His Lady Wife' where y/n survives and aemond suffers the consequences of his actions.

a/n: its 3am in the uk rn and i've made you guys wait too long! i am extremely sorry this took so long to write!! i won't even lie, its not the best, i really struggled w these alternative endings, feedback and comments are appreciated as always, my inboxes are always open for requests!! also if you want to be on my permanent aemond taglist, please comment! btw there are more alt endings on its way!

genre: angst

after hours and hours of intense labour, you finally gave birth to a premature baby girl. you were exhausted, but seeing your precious baby girl gave you all the strength you needed in the world. as you cradled your tiny, precious baby girl, your 'husband' came in, with guilt etched all over his face.

"my wife I-"

his eyes fell to his tiny baby girl. his eyes began to water as he spoke,

"is that my daughter?"

you looked at him with cold eyes, your blood was boiling as you placed a protective arm around the daughter you had just birthed.

"no she is no mans daughter. she is mine. only mine. no fucking guards and definetely not yours. she has your white hair and violet eyes but it was not you who carried her 8 months in a chamber fit for a criminal. it wasn't you who had to endure severe pains for the past 8 moons. it wasn't you who pushed and pushed for 9 hours straight. that was all me. you left her mother to die and now you expect to be her father? if you want a baby so bad carry on fucking that whore of yours, you're nearly there!"

aemond looked at his wife with wide eyes. he didn't know what to say or where to begin. her anger was justified. he was about to step closer and speak to his wife when he was interrupted by a maester.

"my prince, may I speak to you in private."

aemond nodded to the maester, with tears of guilt and pain in his eyes as he walked out of the room with him.

"my prince. the princesses labours were... horrific, to put it mildly. as she was not given any support during her tulmtuous pregnancy, her labors were worse than we had ever seen, it is a miracle that she and the babe are alive. it was a whole moon early, she lost litres of blood, the baby was upside down and had to be physically twisted and even now, both mother and wife are severly unwell. please do not take offence my prince... but it is best you give the princess and the babe their space. any further stress could even cause a heart attack."

aemond felt sick to his stomach as he realised what he had put his wife and daughter through, all because he let his self doubt and insecurities get the better of him.

he nods and complies to the maesters words. what else could he do other than wait? he caused enough damage as it is.

weeks go by and aemond can't even catch a glimpse of either his wife or daughter. his heart is overtaken by remorse and longing. he knew this was all his fault, but he desperately wanted to see his baby and his wife who he treated so terribly.

aemond took a deep breath before knocking on the door of his estranged wife's chambers, he has flowers and a dragon plushie in his hands.

you open the door, with your daughter in your arms, not expecting to see aemond at the door.

"husband."

aemond has a sorrowful, sad smile on his face.

"my wife, i know my actions are much beyond forgiveness, i will live the rest of my life in regret for my disgusting actions... but please, give me a chance to redeem myself. i will do anything and everything my love. i have not even held my own daughter. please. i beg you, my lady. let me hold my little girl."

aemond begged you with tears in his eyes. he was desperate. he looked at his tiny daughter in your arms and yearned to hold her. all he wanted was to be a good father and husband.

"i remember feeling this desperate too..."

your words give him a slight bit of hope. he hopes that you pity him enough to give him a chance.

"i felt this desperate when i begged of you to let me go to my fathers and recieve treatment for my pregnancy complications. and what did you do. refuse. and what did i have to do? suffer in silence. now you will do the same."

aemond's entire being became filled with guilt and resentment towards himself, he would do anything for a moment with his wife and daughter.

"please my wife. please. i have not been able to eat or sleep knowing the pain i caused you and our daughter."

you looked back at him with no sympathy and chuckled when you spoke.

"i remember that feeling all too well. i felt the same when you restricted me to a chamber with mouldy walls and food that wouldn't feed a child let alone a woman carrying a child herself"

you were shutting the door on him when he stopped it. he was so desperate, he was begging you with tears in his eyes.

"please. my lady. my lady wife i know my apologies are worthless but at least give this to my sweet girl."

he holds out the little stuffed dragon toy, praying to the gods you would accept it.

"we do not accept gifts from strangers. especially ones who once had ill intentions for us."

with that, you shut the door and left aemond in a state of great despair. in one swoop, he lost his wife and only child. his dreams of being a father had been crushed by his own hand.

taglist: @fultimefangirl @hc-geralt-23 @whatsonthemirror @69cocktimusprime @immyowndefender @burntoutpetals @uselessbutinteresting @bibli0thecary @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @bellameshipper @graykageyama @krispold @malfoytargaryen @imnotyourbcbe @poisonedsultana @caramelcandescence @azaleapotterblack @oh-thats-cute

*tags w a line through didn't work!

[skitskatdacat63]

Hiii CATIE!!!!! HIII

Im pretty pretty sure people have already asked BUT HOW WAS ATTENDING THE US GP LIVE!!!! WAS???? TELL ME!! DO YOU HAVE PICS??? I know I know im late.

I ALSO HOPE YOU GOT HOME SAFE AND SOUND AND THAT YOU ARE RESTING NOW+!!!(I saw the chaos you went through im deeply sorry for you :( )

ANYWAYS HOW WAS THE RACE? HOW WAS EXPERIENCING STROLLONSO LIVE?????? AND omg did you get pics of drivers??? :00

You must must share pleaseeeeee.wax.poet

OH MY GOD ELLE SORRY THIS IS SO LATE!!! IT WAS VERY COOL!!!!! VERY SURREAL!!!!!! I've taken a week to answer this but uhhhh yes I am in fact home now 🥰 I got home at like 1 am which was cool....

First of all I have to mention this! I was fighting for my life walking thru the Austin airport(from sleep deprivation), and I had my Fernando hat on my backpack, right? Some girl comes up to me and asks if I'm going to the GP, I say yes. SHE GAVE ME A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET, I COULD'VE SOBBED 🥹 It says on it "wtf is a km", I'm still so happy

COTA was the first race I ever watched, so to be actually at that track and watch a race live there was extremely surreal! Very hot though my god 😵‍💫 I think last year it was pretty hot, right? And my brother kept sending me the temp and it was pretty okay, and then of fucking course the temp leaps up to 89-97°(31-36° Celsius btw) right in time for the gp....so that was nice(I say as I burn in the sun like a vampire. But don't worry I didn't even really tan at all 😭 I always wore a hat and a lot of sunscreen. And meanwhile my brother was literally a lobster)

(This is a long post):

So unfortunately I missed the drivers parade because my brother and I were dying on Saturday night and his friends wanted to go first thing in the morning, and we're like "we will go later actually 😊" and missed it entirely 😭😭😭 but his friends took pics of Mclaren and Aston for me!!!!! But unfortunately I havent gotten them still, so I'll have to reblog this later with those! I took a lot of pictures of the cars I took from behind the fence, which I think I've posted some of? Lmk if anyone wants those!! They're very random, I just thought it was very surreal to see the cars flying past, so I took a million.

The coolest part was definitely running on track after the race was over!!! Soooooo surreal, and so I'm only gonna post pics rn from Sunday(bcs pic limit on phone) and also I think everything else kinda pales in comparison(but of course lmk if there's anything you're interested in seeing 🤭)

Okay and did I see any drivers...? ONLY ONE BUT AAAAHHHH I DID SEE LANDO!!! Not even one of my favs but it was soooooo surreal to see him, even from afar. As you can see above, everyone standing on the fences was blocking the view 🙄, but during the podium, I was focusing my camera btwn their legs and got literally one second of Lando 😭 I think its a pretty aesthetic clip, so I gifed it!!

It was so funny, I went to the gp with my brother and friends, so all these older guys yeah. And I was showing this off to them on the ride home, and his one friend was praising me so much for it 😭😭 like: "oh my god!!!! You could put this in an edit !!! This is so sick!!!!"

Oh one other thing!!! I think I've mentioned it before but my god, my favorite f1 podiums are always the ones with confetti, right?? AND THERE WAS CONFETTI AT THIS RACE!!!

LOOK AT HOW PRETTYYYYY!!!! And so anyways, I picked up so much confetti off the ground and now it lives forever in my phone case 🥰🥰🥰 I have no other room for pics on this post(for now) but oh my godddddddddd most of the confetti were just rectangles BUT THERE WAS ALSO ONES SHAPED LIKE TEXAS!!! SO COOL!!!!! And I also picked up a bunch of tire marbles off the ground!!! And a piece of plastic that probably came off some car. It was so funny when all of us were just scrounging off the ground. My bro's one friend somehow found a piece of carbon fiber, and we're all like "how can I kill him in his sleep and steal this from him..." But no the highlight actually of that process was watching my brother sprint to the podium, but stopping and grabbing a bunch of gravel first to shove in his pocket 😭😭😭

The other two days were fun as well, but also a lot of just dying in the heat and drinking a fuckton of red bull, so there's not too much specifically to say! I really liked hearing the cars. I think if you wanna know what's actually going on in a race, watching from home is better, but hearing the cars go by and seeing them is just so fucking sick. It was so funny to see grown men be like "I think I'm going to cry hearing these cars." I was really flexing on them with "uhhh yeah I've already been to a gp already 🙄🙄"

Anyways I ended the day by breaking bank by buying my dad and myself Fernando shirts because he is of course Fernando's biggest fan 🥰🥰 and I bought the most delicious overpriced lemonade, which I only drank half of bcs my brother proceeded to accidentally elbow it out of my hand....

OH WAIT ONE MORE DETAIL LOL. On Friday, my brother and his friend were waiting in line for smth and I was talking to them outside of the barrier. I look down, hmm theres a red cap abandoned on the ground, I pick it up, it is in fact a Ferrari hat. And that is how my brother acquired a $40+ dollar hat for free. Lucky bastard....I was the who found it!

[tryhardgwen]

rs archive 08/10/2024:

hello! i recently started getting into t1 and went down a rabbit hole of your fics! sorry i know you might be sick of everyone constantly mentioning it, but all my love has my whole heart, started listening to noah kahan just because of it and there is constantly an ache in my heart when i think about it … sobs … i went thru an EERILY similar experience as wooje with my family and i feel like your writing is extremely tender, it’s amazing that you can put these thoughts and emotions into words and those words are able to paint a beautiful picture of what love is. you took my heart and left a deep compression on it with all my love. sorry if that doesn’t make any sense aha.

we just need some time together is also one of my all time favs , it kept me up at night thinking about it for too long. minseoks internal dialogue just feels so real, his self esteem, his confidence is amazingly illustrated, and of course your exposition is so delicate and beautiful. CRIES …

im really invested in your new fic, i want your violence, and i usually never follow fics that are currently updating. i have so many questions .. in my brain keria is still happily in district 13 even tho i read your comments that you killed 3/5 of t1… cries again … im so so curious to what you have in store for us! finally i get to my question : how long will i want your violence be? am really curious about all the plot points you’ve brought up and its clear that you’ve planned this really well!

sorry for this long message. i adore anything you put out , your style of writing resonates deeply with me and i wish for nothing but happiness in your future !

okay first off i am never sick of love of my writing, aml or other, bcuz im a NARCISSIST!!!!!!! ... ok im kidding. but really, i never get sick of the love you guys give me because it truly means a lot and i think saying "oh boo everyone loves aml so much" is like.. first world problem much? LKJDSALKFJ. i love that fic!! so im very happy ppl love it too. noah kahan is literally amazing btw, IM SO HAPPY UR LISTENING TO HIM!! the stick season (we'll all be here forever) album is OFC incredible, but i personally looove i was / i am. wooje in aml is very special and im glad he and my writing can connect to you!! your comment made perfect sense to me :)

hsbfhsfh wjnstt is such a.. problem ?? child?? for me, or like i have a love/hate relationship with it.. i really do at the end of the day love it though; it was my first "major" fic project and means/meant (?) a lot to me. i think it could've been written better.. but i feel that about all my fics, so that's alright. i should really reread it one of these days. but i digress! im very glad you like it :]

as for i want your violence!! im so sorry i haven't been updating it, its bc im working on this OTHER fic rn, but anyway ill try and update it soon!! hopefully ur questions can be answered :] if not, then after the fic is finish u can always pop back in here again ..! (well, maybe on tumblr BCS. retrospring is shutting down but u catch my drift). anyway i actually have no clue how long this fic will be? just as a ballpark number, id say anywhere from 70k to 100k, maybe even more. this baby is gn be probably my longest fic.

no worries about the long message; i love long messages like this. thank you so much anon, and i hope you have an amazing day <3

[cookiewrites]

Hii im just spilling thoughts rn HAHA.

sooo you and changbin had a thing going on when u were younger,u stayed friends w his whole group but just kinda had beef w bin after it,n yall always bark at each other and just rlly are like mean to each other but behind closed doors yall do the nastyyyy

hate sex? yes please.

i can totally see this with binnie though, he seems like the kind of guy to hold one hell of a grudge - and even if you hadn't done anything wrong he'd happily blame you for it because it's easier than admitting how much he wants you. it may have been a legitimate reason to break things off when you were younger but the idea of you seeing other people makes him sick; you were his and will always be his.

but the poor man cannot communicate this for the life of him, so he settles for shoving you into cupboards at parties to make you choke on his cock, and calling you at three am to belittle you as he makes you cum on his fingers so many times you cry; because no one can make you feel like he does.

for binnie it isn't hate, per say, it's this primal need to show you no one will ever replace him and how dare you believe otherwise; so i see overstimulation far more than edging, and he wants to see you cry, he wants to see you sorry. and for you; well it's just sex, the best sex you've ever had.

sorry I've been absent and this has took me so long, i haven't been doing great, but this is my longest piece to date so please enjoy <3

say sorry

wc: 2.7k

cw: hard dom!changbin x afab sub!reader, unprotected sex (don't do this), slapping (face and genitals), dirty talk, degradation, little bit of dumbification, names (sir for changbin, princess, slut, bitch and hole for reader), dacryphilia, no aftercare described, no explicit consent, alcohol mentioned, sex in a strangers bedroom, chan is there and talked about, idk it just feels very intense so heads up

depending on who you asked, various people could be blamed for the fact your red wine ended up all over changbin's white shirt, staining him with you.

changbin would swear it was your fault, your glass, your attitude, your fault. you walked over and had so confidently dangled it in front of him, threatening him with it as you screamed at him.

'i don't fucking belong to you seo changbin'

'how fucking dare you tell anyone any fucking different'

'just because your pathetic ass can't get laid doesn't mean you can stop me from getting some'

'you obsessed possessive pathetic excuse for a man'

and next thing everyone knows his white shirt is now red.

you would blame changbin, you never would have wasted a whole glass of wine on ruining his pale attempt at a party outfit if he hadn't told chan you were unavailable. you were plenty available and were extremely interested in being available to him; going home with someone was the only reason you came tonight. knowing the charming australian would be there, and changbin had gone out of his way to tell your mutual friend that you were seeing someone. a fucking lie.

chan, of course, would blame himself. he should never have told you what changbin said when you approached him and asked why he was ignoring you; he knew it was a bad idea to mention his friend around you. but here he was, watching you pour your drink all over changbin and suddenly wanting to leave.

'what the fuck y/n?!'

'you're so desperate you're screaming about it to the party, such a classy act'

'shut up changbin! this is your fault, you selfish asshole, i can't believe you-'

your shouting continues, the pointing and gesturing fading into the background as changbin looks down at his top; he could see how ruined it was, the dampness making the fabric stick to his skin, it felt disgusting. and it was your fault. before he realises it, he's grabbing your wrist, fingertips wrapping themselves around and holding on far tighter than he has any reason to as he drags you into the first empty bedroom he can find; slamming the door shut.

'what the actual fuck was that y/n?'

'i could ask you the same thing changbin i was really looking forward to-'

looking down at the connection between you, the skin of skin so electric it almost shocks you, this always happens when the two of you touch, almost setting you on fire, the spark is so strong; fueled with mutual desire and disgust.

'-forward to what, princess? forward to chan trying to work out how the fuck to make you cum he has no idea what he's-'

'that's your fucking friend you're talking about changbin, you dick'

'and for fucks sake let me go'

and he does, throwing your hand down as he storms towards whoever's wardrobe it was, looking for something to replace his ruined t-shirt with.

'i know he's my friend, and that's how i know he wouldn't be able to please you'

'i would have liked to find out for myself'

'you'd like a shit fuck?'

'shut up changbin'

slowly the shouting between you becomes a rumble, an annoyed diffused conversation as the two of you calm down. peeling the wet t-shirt off his chest, he used the dry sections to wipe the remaining wine off himself, laughing.

'if you are so desperate you can just come and beg me to touch you, i always make you feel good'

'beg for you? i'd rather go home to my vibrator than do that'

'and yet you're staring at me like you want to eat me.'

you were, but you'd never admit it, instead, you scoff at the idea, turning to leave.

'come here and clean it up.'

clear and distinct, changbin wasn't messing around. this wasn't a question or a request, it was an order, said in the exact same voice that he used when he would instruct you to cum. the exact voice that made the submissive part of your brain scream at you to obey, to go clean him up.

'that sounds like your problem binnie.'

he was walking towards you now, throwing the ruined t-shirt on the stranger's bed, until he was face to face with you.

'stop being a fucking brat and clean me up.'

'no.'

and suddenly the hand that was harshly holding your wrist minutes before was grabbing your hair, pulling your head to the left, a loud whine leaving your lips before you can even think to stop it. leaning forward changbin now whispered in your ear, hot breath fanning down your neck in a way that set you alight.

'now, princess, i am going to tell you one more time what i want you to do, and you're going to be a good fucking slut and do it, okay?'

silence, and another hard tug on your hair, prompted you to respond with a weak;

'yes sir.'

'oh, so you can behave?'

'knees. now.'

he said before shoving you down, forcing your knees to slam onto the floor, cushioned only slightly by the carpet. you look up at him and you already look ruined; cheeks flushed bright red from a mix of alcohol and arousal, makeup smudged slightly from a night dancing, hair a mess from changbin's forcefulness. however, changbin plans to ruin you so completely you barely recognise yourself when he's done.

'you always look your prettiest on your knees for me, princess'

'always ready to be a useful fucking hole for me'

'so what you're going to do is let me use that mouth of yours, make it good for something more than begging chan to pity-fuck you, and if you're a good toy i might let you cum, only if you're really really sorry for being such a bitch'

'so, princess, i'd start apologising now'

'say fucking sorry'

as he started to undo his jeans, pushing them and his boxers down you whisper out a 'sorry' that you yourself could barely hear.

'oh no, princess, i need you to say sorry.'

'actually, i need you to scream it, let this whole party know how fucking sorry you are for misbehaving'

'that's the closest chan will get to fucking you, hearing you scream how sorry you are through the walls' he laughs.

'sorry changbin' you say again, a bit louder, the embarrassment making the red flush further down your chest. but it isn't that that makes you gasp. what makes you gasp is the clear, loud, firm slap across your cheek; changbin smiling wildly as he does it.

'again.'

'sorry changbin'. another slap, this time on the other cheek, at least he was being merciful enough to spread them out. the pain making tears spring to your eyes, threatening to fall.

'again, fucking mean it.'

'sorry changbin!' louder this time, a cry. another slap. back on the first cheek again, and it really hurt this time. you hang your head, partly in shame, and partly to hide from his assault; which he won't let you do, of course, pulling your head back to make you look at him again. tears now running down your cheeks, soothing the now sore skin. changbin always found your wet glassy eyes so pretty.

'and what are you sorry for, princess?'

's-sorry for a-asking c-chan to sleep with m-me'

'not bad, but not quite what i wanted. say sorry for being a slut, nice and loud for me y/n'

's-sorry f-for being a s...slut s-sir' you say, far louder than you would ever hope to say those words, but you were hoping it was loud enough for changbin to take pity on you. the laugh you hear above you is cold, and embarrassing, making you even wetter than you already were.

'god, you're so fucking desperate, barely need to do anything to make you obey, such a fucking whore, thinking just with that hole of yours.'

the spit that lands on your face shocks you, but you're almost grateful for it, the way it cools your cheeks is almost nice.

'open up princess, be a good hole for me'

and you do, and you are, letting him assault your throat, immediately fucking himself in your mouth slightly too deep; just to make you choke on him out of spite; your gagging and gasping making him smile. seeing you punished for trying to whore yourself out was always satisfying.

but soon it wasn't. as pretty as you looked crying your mascara off, eyes rolled back into your head, as he mindlessly fucked himself into your throat, he wanted more. he wanted to remind you why you'll always come back to him. so he pulls out, letting go of his hold on your hair and letting you catch his breath.

'where are your manners princess? did they disappear when you chose to play the slut?'

't-thank y-you sir' you managed to say, although far raspier than before, changbin's use of your throat clear on your voice - and fuck does it turn you both on. changbin ignores you for a moment, stripping himself of his remaining clothes and sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at you; noting how you had not dared to move.

'behaving now i see' he says, wrapping his hand around his cock to lazily touch himself.

'get up off the ground, you're not a fucking dog' although he catches himself, laughing, before adding; 'you sure are a bitch though y/n'

'strip for me.'

you did, of course, peeling the skin-tight dress off to reveal the lack of any underwear; partly because of the dress you were wearing, but also because you didn't plan on needing any. what you thought was once a smart idea, was now another reason for changbin to continue this punishment; sitting silently staring at your naked body for just long enough to make you a little uncomfortable before saying something;

'couldn't even get dressed properly i see'

'you'd have let anyone at this party use you, bend you over and fuck you'

'apologise again, you sound so good begging for forgiveness'

'sorry for being a slut sir, please, i'm sorry'

he hums, continuing to stare, watching the way your arms tense as you tried to ignore the urge to cover yourself; knowing that would only anger him more and whilst changbin was so hot when he was mad, you needed to behave if you wanted any help with the throbbing between your legs.

'on all fours on the bed, princess' he instructs as he moves out of the way, allowing you to crawl your way on top of the covers. he marvelled at your obedience, particularly enjoying the way your arms shook from anticipation as well as holding yourself up.

what made you shake more though was the sudden feeling of his palm on your ass cheek, making you whine loud in the room. changbin stood back, enjoying the blooming red handprint mark you, knowing how sore that skin will be. he ignored the temptation to run his hand over the mark, soothing it.

this time he didn't even need to prompt your apology, as you sob out another beg for forgiveness. he smirked as he heard your voice, broken with hiccups, as he realises how far gone you are already.

silently he matches the handprint onto your other asscheek, seeing the way the force threw you forward and was followed by another apology as you steadied yourself, bracing for another impact.

instead, changbin surprised you, as he always tended to, and climbed behind you on the bed. lining himself up he rubbed the head of his cock up and down your cunt, spreading your wetness around as you whined for more.

'f-fuck me s-sir please!'

'princess i already know how desperate you are, since you wanted to whore yourself out to the whole party, so don't worry, i'll get there. i'm just enjoying myself.'

'...please' you whisper, unable to hold your needs inside you for a moment longer, not when he was this close. your inability to follow instructions the final straw of changbin as his anger bubbled up to the surface again.

'god do you ever shut up?! maybe i should go back to shutting that mouth up and leave you making a fucking puddle on the bed!'

's-sorry sir! sorry! sorry... please! sorry!'

and suddenly changbin fully seated himself into you, the stretch simultaneously delicious and painful. pulling himself fully out before bottoming out again, over and over, changbin's pace was nothing short of punishing.

'shut. up.'

'fuck y/n you're so fucking annoying'

'only good for this pussy of yours, i swear, just a fucking hole - ugh'

he continues to berate you as he filled you over and over again. if changbin was anything, he was a good fuck - always reaching all these perfect places inside of you, places you could never reach alone, or with anyone else. it's that, mostly, that always made you come back to him. no matter what he said to you, he always felt too good to forget. and as harsh as he was, once he'd broken you, he'd stay for as long as it took to put you back together again before you'd make him leave - something he never wanted to do.

'chan could never fuck you like this, ugh, could never fill you up'

'see how dumb you get for my cock, princess, only. ever. mine.'

'fuck, turn over, want to see that pretty fucking face'

you did just that, shakily moving and then sinking into the mattress, your mind floating away as you spread yourself for changbin to seat himself back inside you. his arms, veins on display, as he held himself up, hovering over you as he restarted his brutal pace.

'you're such a fucking mess princess, won't be able to walk out of this party without people knowing what a fucking slut you are'

'my pretty little slut'

'fuck - say sorry, you're so pathetic when you're apologising'

this last order was accompanied by a firm slap to your exposed clit, sending a pleasurably painful electric shock fire through your body. the way you screamed in response made changbin's cock twitch inside you, making the scream turn into the loud moan, which in turn became repeated apologies;

'sorry sir, f-for being a s-slut sir, s-sorry sir, sorry, for b-being b-bad, i'm s-so s-sorry...'

grabbing your chin with slightly too much force, changbin saw a new wave of hot tears break their way out of your eyes as you continued to beg for forgiveness and he realised it was time to let you cum, he was close enough to finish as soon as he entered you, he'd been holding on this whole time. this didn't mean he wasn't pissed anymore but he felt like you really were sorry for trying to share what was his; has always been and always will be.

'if you can cum for me princess, i'll forgive you'

'show me who this pretty cunt belongs to'

'y-you changbin! y-you!'

'yeah, princess, it's all mine, now cum for me'

you wanted to, so badly, but changbin just felt so far away, so you reached up and grabbed him by the hair forcing your lips to connect for the first time tonight. it was far too much teeth and tongue and aggression but it was what pleasure was between the two of you; biting and venomous and angry. it was exactly what you needed to start spasming around his cock, moaning his name between your attempts of kisses and somehow trying to catch your breath.

he pulled out and soon followed, cumming over your stomach as the once bitter kiss began to turn sweet - changbin always struggled to keep ahold of his anger once he finished. suddenly wanting to bundle you up and relax.

pulling back from the kiss he looked down at you, makeup nowhere near where it was meant to be, fresh tears threatening to fall over flushed red cheeks. and he thought you looked beautiful.

's-sorry b-binnie, s-sorry'

'shush princess, i forgive you, i'm always happy to remind you that you're all mine'

'y-yours.'

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

#21

I took like 750 earlier and my days on days of constantly popping pills has brought some kinda shitty side effects. This is a a bit tmi but i figure it would be something that I'd wanna keep track of now. But uh I can now go a whole day without taking a piss. I really gotta work keeping hydrated. I was already chronically dehydrated when I wasn't taking dph but my already not enough water intake with pills that slurp up any and all moisture is definitely not helping. It got so bad that I physically couldn't cry. I'd be in the motion of it but no tears would come. Tho if I'm being real I'm prolly gon do another 500 once it gets a little later. I'm stressing stressing and I just want to pretend nothings wrong for a while. I'm gonna chug hella water in the meantime tho

Warning in advance this post is really long. Both the aftermath and notes are extremely extensive due to me fr fr going through it rn. I figured I'd rather have an overly detailed note that most'll skip but might help one person feel normal than a vague/quick explanation that doesn't give enough info to be of use to anyone genuinely struggling

This is gonna be a long aftermath section cause there's actually a lot I need to explain but if you don't need/want specifics the tldr would be

AFTERMATH

-I think I'm jaundiced rn. I'm not entirely sure as if I am or I'm just looking too hard but I've had previous issues with excess bile so it's a real possibility

-Hella dehydrated. Excessive crying and a high dose has made it a lot worse in a shorter amount of time. I can't cry again due to how little water I have in me

-Appetite has been hugely varies day by day but lately I haven't really been wanting/remembering to eat. It has been damn near 24 hours since I've ate last and even then I didn't eat much. I feel sick cause of it

-I don't feel overly sickly tho. I feel pretty much normalish considering everything that went down last night

The rest of this is a lot of rambling but those points are the general jist of it. Definitely read if you're curious about how all that happened.

....or if you wanna see me whining about R's partner for the probably 50th time now.... T^T

Soo I ended up taking 600/650 (dont remember which) after I was crying for so.. sooo long. I was crying so hard that I gave myself a headache and my stomach/chest kinda hurt from me trying to hold back from sobbing too loudly. I eventually stopped once I had to go upstairs for some toilet paper cause my nose... yuck.. I literally never cry for long enough where that's an issue but I was sulking one second and that SPRINTING up the stairs the next. The shit was threatening to fall out my nose and like... it was either gonna fall on me or my bed or my floor... basically my snot was tryna play flee the facility and while I was in a shitty mood, I was not in a bad enough mood to chill with snot all over me

Though I don't know what possessed me in that moment but I took a video of myself while I was up there. You could clearly see my red ass eyes and my puffy eyelids. I will confess I do kinda like how I look after I cry cause of the puffy thing but I mean. Usually I would have the common sense to know no one else is gonna see it that way so there is literally 0 point to try and take pictures like that.

Sorry slight tangent. I bring all that up cause when I rewatched the video, I noticed that my skin looked a little off. I've been breaking out for a few reasons lately and I was picking at my skin for a bit out of stress. So when I watched the video and it was like.. smooth looking I was kinda like ?? my camera must suck ass. Thats weird

But today I looked at it and I feel like I looked glowyish which was strange. I was just sitting there like, it aint even like shiny glowy I'm just lighter looking.. then I noticed I was weirdly yellow. I was just sitting there looking like.. am i tripping? so I go to the bathroom and I ofc, looked sickly. I mean. That's a given. I took 1.5k in a single day, I haven't taken any since I woke up, barely slept, barely ate, dehydrated, sobbed for hours... I am a hot mess. God. Anyway. I looked way different than I ever had before. I know how I look when I'm withdrawing and this was worse. Usually if I feel like shit, I look like shit but I really wasn't expecting what I saw. I looked yellowish and with my lips being dry it made them look paler/ashy so the combo wass just kinda shocking

Content warning: specifics on stool junk. Skip the green section if you don't wanna hear it

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I've had this one symptom for quite a while now but I felt like it was a bit tmi but at this point, I want to be entirely transparent. When I stopped for that week and relapsed tryna do dxm, I basically felt the sameish as I did before the break and I thought nothing of it. But as I started ramping up my habit again, I noticed that I would need to poo like RIGHT after I took my pills. It was so weird. 10-20 mins after without fail, I'd need to go. Then once I started taking it multiple times a day, I'd also need to need to go multiple times a day. It was so fucking annoying as I'm a person that needs to go a few times a week. Depending on what I'm eating, i'd prolly go 3-5 times a week. So going from that to every single day/multiple times a day drove me nuts.

That in itself was already so annoying but I would've accepted it if that's all it was. But during that time, anytime I had those pill induced shits it would burn so bad. It was the weirdest sensation. I'm sure everyone has experienced eating a spicy food and then immediately regretting it once it's time to pass it. And I mean with that, yeah it hurts but it mostly dissipates once its out. But this shit... oh my god. The burn of it was different from anything I've ever had before. It'd literally hurt for so long after. Not to where it's excruciating but it was just odd to feel my junk burning off some junk I passed 10 mins ago. When I did it multiple times a day however.. that's when I couldn't take it. It'd burn damn near everytime as is but not getting a long enough time inbetween this junk made it sting worse and worse.

Around this time I started to google junk cause it was getting out of hand. My stool was always green during that time so I looked into that first. I saw mostly people talking about it's harmless most of the time and probably diet based but I knew I had to be a special case. So I kept looking when I found out about the possibility of having bile in my junk and it all made sense. My acid reflux has been worse, the burning would make perfect sense, and plus I saw that if your body digests the junk too quick there's sometimes an excessive amount of unabsorbed bile. I irritated tf out of my stomach with all the pills so I would not be shocked my stomach would just want whatevers inflaming out as SOON as possible.

After a while, I just was tired of being in pain and I'd just ignore my stomach whining to get that mess out of me. It was getting to be entirely too much and I knew it'd probably reopen my ulcer but I couldn't be bothered to care

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Anyway I explain all that because when I was looking into jaundice causes all I was seeing was mentions about liver shit and excessive bile can leave you looking yellow/green. With my excessive bile thing happening before, I knew that was probably what it was. I'm gonna hope that the combo of me taking hella pills without drinking much water is what made my liver play me this time. I don't want that to be an actual thing I have to be conscious of.. I don't want my parents to drag me to the doctor's office and if they saw me like that it's basically guaranteed. Honestly, they probably wouldn't even bother they'd prolly go straight to urgent care. I can't even imagine all the explaining I'd have to do.. All the issues the doctor could point out. God. What if they see all the benadryl floating around my system and know I'm abusing them without me even saying anything?? What if they tell my parents behind my back?? I know they can't afford to put me in some fancy ass rehab shit. Where th would you even find that..

So in order to not have my minion-esque skin be what gets me found out, I'm gonna start going out my way to chug water where I can and start tapering off again. I've noticed I haven't really had that sickly out of it feel when I get into the 500+ range so I'm guessing if I lower it from that I should probably be good? I dunno. For now I'm not saying I'm quitting as I have no clue how long it'll take to get used to lower and lower amounts but at the very least I won't be going back to my peak doses. That 750 I took was the most I've had since pre relapse and it'd be so easy to slide back into my everyday 750-1.25k range atp but it really isn't worth it. I'd have to drink so much water to accommodate that and if I do now gotta worry about jaundice I'm sure giving my liver even more meds to process would be a extremely poor decision.

I am exhausted though.. Now that I'm done writing this I'm honestly bouta take a nap

R and her girlfriend are going through a really rough patch right now. To the point where she thinks her partner is going to leave her. She's been real focused on working and stuff and i guess with that she didn't notice that she was going through something..?

NOTES/EMOTIONS

The funny part is she was working that hard so that they could move in together next year. Something they both were really set on. It's kinda sad. R must be so confused.

The thing is like.. this has been a CONSTANTT on and off issue for them. I fully get wanting to hang with her but this is what... 5th? 6th? time that they've had strain because of how much they hang. And that's only the times that my bsf has told me about. It just like.. what else can she do? They still talk everyday and she still doesn't really play/talk to many other people to give her her for the most part completely undivided attention. But at the same point, this is R's first time having a job where she has hours hours. I'm sure that shit can be tiring as is but she literally aint used to it yet. She only started working long long shifts 2-3 weeks ago. She be exhausted. I feel like her partner wants her to just sit there and talk to morning to evening like she did when she didn't have all too many time commitments and it just aint realistic. I don't get why they're still fighting on that

They fight a lot in general. It feels like every few days she'll seem off and I'll be like oh I'm sorry and try and comfort her and junk. But then theyre just "back good" by the next day. I don't think either of em are addressing the real problem if they need to argue so damn much

Plus, I don't see how R doesn't see it but she said it herself she brought up them feeling distant, her girlfriend didn't change literally anything. She said it for herself and still ended up blaming herself by the end of it. She thinks that she was neglecting her and it was her fault for not knowing about her struggles even though she has literally brought it up multiple times... plus she focuses focuses on her once she gets back. SO it's just like.. I dunno. I just feel like her partner just.. aint it

That sounds so harsh but I mean. God. She made R feel like she had to drop all her damn hobbies and "grow up", she makes her feel like shit for STRUGGLING with multiple addictions because R said she'd quit and apparently her relapsing means she was lying the whole time, gives her the cold shoulder whenever she feels like knowing damn well R is terrified of abandonment and'll go nuts and do whatever to get her back whether its right or wrong to, plus like my bsf LOVES weed and her partner wants her to quit by the time they move in together.

To me, I think that the two need to breakup. My bsf's partner clearly wants a whole different person and I don't think R should feel bad for not just forcing herself in the perfect partner mold.

The thing that's been irking me the most is her giving R the cold shoulder when she gets high with no fucking thought on context. She has literally been escaping through that shit for damn near 5 years at this point. I fully get not understanding that shit cause you don't do that sort of thing. I'm glad she doesn't honestly. It'd be one more thing for R to stress on plus she can be her voice of reason.. Well okay if she actually gave enough of a fuck to be a voice of reason she could be. But that's the thing. She just parrots out the "right thing" and get mad that my bsf can't just poof into sobriety. I'm so tired of R coming to me in distress cause her girlfriend is icing her out cause she smoked a single cig. or weed to help her sleep.. Just like. Stupid shit. She gives 0 positive reinforcement whatsoever. How does she not see how damn far R has come??

When I first met her, she'd causally take dxm day after day and get so messed up on that shit she'd actually blackout. She used to stay high or drunk. Didn't matter that it was hurting her. She just wanted an escape. But now?? She is so much more responsible. She actually googles and researches instead of just doing whatever with no concern with her health. She doesn't take dxm anymore cause she saw that it could possible heighten her blood pressure. She doesn't really take dph anymore... tho there has been a few occasions these last few months. She smokes like.. 2-3 cigs a dayish when before she could go through an entire pack within a single day. She only smokes weed every once in a while vs when before she'd CONSTANTLY going through pen after pen

LIKE?? I just. I hate that she makes R feel so shitty for not being 100% with that stuff. I feel like she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm proud of her for all the changes she's made within the last few months but hearing it from her partner would mean the world to her. How hard is it to just support her?? So fucking selfish.

Plus some of the time she does that shit, she ain't even doing it cause she wants to and her partner NEVER CONSIDERS THAT.R's heart has been being weird for months now. Doctors ain't really been helping too much as far as solutions go and with her liver being fucked beforehand she has to just take it at times. The medicine she has available to her has they own pros and cons. Which leads her to sometimes smoke to not feel that shit so much.

I remember this one day me and her didn't talk much the whole day so I freaked out and tried to get through to her through damn near every form of contact I had. I damn near texted her mom but I thought that would be too much for day 1 so I had a draft written up for if she was gone. I was terrified. She never just dips like that.

...Only for her to text me back about an hour later. I was slightly annoyed at first but once she explained I bout cried. She was in so much pain that she oded on dph so she could sleep it off. She started opening up about how much pain she be in and how the bp pills have so many side effects and she can't really take tylenol anymore cause of her liver. A lot the time when she smokes weed/take dph its to dull the pain of that. It's why I try to be as vocal as I can about supporting her on that shit. I don't want her to be dependent on ANYTHING ofc but I can't imagine having to sit there in excruciating pain with little to help you.

To have your own partner just... disregard that cause she doesn't like her being on anything just grosses me out.

But despite all that, I am still.. so fucking sad for my bsf. She really loves that girl and even with their severely unbalanced relationship I know her partner has her good qualities. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes rn. Feeling like all your accomplishments and growth was for nothing cause at the end of the day you lost the reason you were pushing yourself so hard.

This is honestly the worst case scenario. I've been dreading this day so much. On one hand, if they do end up breaking things off, at least she won't have to deal with all the stressors of being stranded in a completely diff state. I knew being around each other 24/7 would eventually force a lot of their issues to the forefront and seeing how they respond to disagreements as is I couldn't imagine that arrangement lasting for too long. But at the same time.. R is not gonna see their dynamic for what it is until she is long long over it. There are no positives for her in this you know? She's not gonna see it as a lesson to only put your all into relationships once you see the same from them. All she's seeing it as is a another person abandoning her. Another person she isnt good enough for.

I wish I could pull her out that pit myself. I hate that I have to just sit there and watch for now. I remember how hurt I was over a 2mo relationship with a fucking groomer. I didn't accept that shit for yearssss. I can't imagine having someone you have so many memories with possibly leaving from your life

I hope to god she doesn't do anything too rash. I know she's going to spiral.. She's probably passed out drunk rn tbr. And she's prolly gon be hurting herself for a looong long time. It makes me so upset. I hate that she's gonna treat herself like dirt because she wasn't able to transform into the picture perfect partner her girlfriend expected her to be. I wish I could just say a magic word and she'd just be over it.

I don't know how I want to approach comforting her if things do end up ending. On one hand, we used to talk alot more and she was a lot more open about her feelings pre treating-her-girlfriend-like-she-treated-me mode so would it be good for me to try and get her back to that? Does that come off as me trying to replace her gf? Will she think I'm just tryna make her like me back and I'm just rushing to steal her partners spot? And plus like.. I know how this shit goes. No matter what I say or do she's still going to hurt. Will me trying to distract her just annoy her? Is that actually helpful?

God.. I feel like I've been writing forever. I'm sorry. First time in a while and I just started going on and on. But that ll is a pretty thorough breakdown of everything on my mind right now. I am so scared on what R is going to be doing to try and cope. And I'm scared that her possible ex is gonna be a sore spot for her for a while. I'm not really hoping they get back together but I kinda am at the same time. I wish that they'd break up on R's terms. I know the after stuff would be a lot easier on her that way. She would've already come to the terms that their relationship aint feasible for one reason or another which is a huge step as is.

Buuut. nope. Well. Ig it aint guaranteed. They might not breakup at all. I'm gonna hope they do tho. She doesn't need someone that'll sit there and purposely punish and hurt her cause they don't get their way. Sorry again for the long ass notes section. I'm just really scared

[sukirichi]

i’ve seen the next series ideas, bestie why you gotta separate piercer and tattoo artist? i have a thing for both but tattoo artist! choso sound kinda hot?🤨😳 piercer! geto may look so fine adding new holes to your skin with those rough-looking yet delicate hands but tat artist! choso is always careful to not add to the painful feeling and is very talented. you want to ink a large design with many details? aside from living up to expectations by inking your skin with intricate art, worry not because choso makes sure his clients are comfortable throughout the long session. and some design takes too long, he’ll be happy to schedule another one because he can spend more time with you 😌💖 i want some geto but im too soft for bby choso to make him cry 🤧 *slides some hashbrowns i don’t mind having two different for choso and geto

ohh, fratboy naoya? he’ll be one of those with an alpha mindset and constantly looks down on anyone like they aren’t worth breathing the same air with him😭 can anyone really blame him though? man always aces in every courses he took which surprises everyone because they think that he’s all talk lmao

and dw! im doing well too! after finishing the sem, i suddenly got a surge of energy and cleaned the house. so we have some vinyls laying around and i thought why not play some? so while cleaning, this track called you’re mine, you by chet baker played and i stood still like 🧍🏻‍♀️for a whole minute. the lyrics reminded me of naoya and gee. imagine naoya singing this to you when you’re sick or sleeping🥲😊💕naoya trophy wife keeps winning🥰🥰also do you think this songs could be a reckless song? or maybe its just me hehe song1 song2 song3

and sukiiii, congrats on finishing your thesis! 💕💕 going throughout the sem while writing fics? you have too much brain power bestie. feel free to do whatever you feel like doing this summer, you deserve it. ooh you started tokyorev? 😳indulge away queen. im happy to see you enjoying things. forget those hate anons, you’re allowed to do things that makes you happy☺️💖💖 *slides another offering of hashbrowns ohh you have discord? do you mind if i join?

🍳

egg anon hello omg aaaa i am so sorry for the late response, my sched was packed these days. i really clowned myself thinking summer meant more free time but no 😭 OH MY babe thank you for the hash browns but your ideas really got me delving deep into the roommate series brainrot 😳 i can just imagine piercer! geto who goes shh shh its okay just take deep breaths while he pierces your ear (or lip, bcos lip rings are always so pretty) piercer! geto probably won’t even mind that you’re digging your nails into his shoulders, teeth sunken on your lips in expectation of the pain. ofc, he’ll just hide his smile :) meanwhile, tattoo artist! choso has to take pauses every now and then bcos he’s just so worried over you making little whimpers. constant “are you okay?”s and handing you a glass of water. tattoo artist! choso is just so worried 🥺 both of them are extremely delicate and would love to spend time with you though 💕 choso lights up like a little puppy as he shares his designs with you, mumbling still a little shyly on the stories behind his designs. geto is more forward (read: daring) as he brushes his cool fingers over sensitive spots in your face on where he thinks you’d look great pierced. then he’ll pull away with a little smirk, but don’t get him wrong! geto is just as nervous as you are; he just wants to act cool.

PLEASE NAOYA WITH ALPHA MALE BEHAVIOR 🙄 i hate that i think he’s hot when irl i don’t like when the alpha attitude comes off too strong. but yes, naoya knows he’s hot shit! he may look like he’s sort of lacking in that upper department since naoya is spotted partying or sexting in class (quote unquote: “i don’t really need to attend class. i learned this a long time ago.”) yes !! naoya looks like he’s all talk but cmon, he grew up in such a famous and powerful family; it would be a shame if he didn’t follow up to their high standards of perfection. plus, naoya is a thousand times more confident knowing he knows his shit.

i’m glad you’re doing well! and oh i love cleaning the house bcos it’s so calming 💕 omg anon the song is so sweet and romantic 🥺💕 i can see naoya spontaneously wanting to dance with his wife when this song plays 💕 *melts into the floor* also about the songs, i am IN LOVE. My favorite would be Babygirl and Fragile. Like babygirl for Y/N fits so well bcos its just so her in an older version (timeskip??? 👀) and Fragile !! Fragile sounds so intimate and vulnerable 🥺 but at the same time its kind of hopeful and romantic. Omg I am like,,,freaking rn bcos Fragile is so much Gojo’s anthem?? Reckless Gojo the type to hide everything behind his smile bcos he doesn’t want to worry others. Overall I really love the songs and I’m sk happy I got great new songs to listen to so thanks so much, they’re perfect for Reckless! (also that line in fragile, perfect is a lie, hit me hard)

and thank you, i finally finished my thesis so whee !! yeah hahahaa i needed to write fics and make time for hobbies otherwise i’d be in a school burnout 😔 YESSS OMG TOKREV IS MY LIFE RN I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE IT IM QBDKWLWOQ. and thank you thank you, love the hashbrowns 🥺💕 yes we have a discord server! i would love it if you joined babe, several of my anons are there too and i’d love to have you there 💕 just dm me so i can give you the link !!

[peachiekoo]

One Beep || JJK

“I think it’s unfair that we can’t do anything about what our heart want.”

⇢ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader ⇢ Genre: Angst; Fluff; Romance ⇢ Warning(s): Hints of divorce, slight flashbacks to dark past moments, denialism at certain points ⇢ Word Count: 2.04K ⇢ Posted: April 10, 2020 ⇢ A/n: Hey, so I made a fic based off of a show I’ve watched recently called “Love Alarm”. It has since became one of my favorite k-dramas! I’m extremely happy that this idea suddenly came to me. (I deadass don’t think I’ve ever been this hyped to write a fic) I hope you guys enjoy and also there might grammar mistakes which I sincerely apologize for!

Everything that happened was an accident actually.

Maybe everything would’ve been fine if you only went to class at least a good two minutes later. All of it could’ve been avoided if you weren’t trying to go run an errand for a friend. But then again, who knows?

It was a Monday morning at exactly 7:50 am when you got a text from one of your closest childhood friends, Chaeyoung.

[7:50 am] Chae🍊: bubs,, where r u??

[7:50 am] You: studying in the library

[7:52 am] You: why?

[8:01 am] Chae🍊: do you think you could drop off my paper to ms.eve? i left it in your bag

[8:01 am] You: rn?

[8:03 am] Chae🍊: I mean,,, I would appreciate if you did

[8:03 am] Chae🍊: <3

You sighed and rolled your eyes. Classic Chae move, you thought to yourself. You closed the book you had checked out beforehand as you neatly placed it in your bag before you looked for her paper.

Finally, finding the paper slightly wrinkled, you made your way to the exit. You decided to take the shorter way than the usual way since you wanted to quickly get back to studying again before heading towards your next class.

While walking, you were busying yourself with your phone. Looking at a few unread messages and scrolling on twitter before you heard a group of people discussing a new app. 

It wasn’t your intention to eavesdrop but something one of them mentioned was an app that could tell if someone had a crush on anyone in a 10-meter radius.

“Unbelievable,” you scoffed quietly.

You continued walking past them as you decided to search up about it when you were recommended an app, LoveBeep. You chuckled at it. Do people really believe this? From the app details it’s popular at the moment. Are people just that gullible.

You were so engrossed by the app that you didn’t even see the tall figure in front of you. “Sorry! I-” Your sentence stops in the tip of your tongue when you realize who it is. He reaches a hand out for you without even throwing a second glance at you.

It was Jeon Jungkook. You two were never once friends but you shared a few good past memories together as your mom used to babysit him every once in awhile growing up. Now he probably wants nothing to do with you.

You felt your heart race in anxiousness. You quickly grabbed his hand and pulled yourself up before dusting yourself off and heading towards the main reason you were on the floor anyways.

You suddenly stopped though. You turned on your heels before gently tapping him on the shoulders. He looked at you with an annoyed look shadowing over his face.

“I’m sorry.” you sputtered.

All you heard was an annoyed sigh before he faced all the way towards you. He glared down at you. You felt as if you were shrinking, both mentally and physically. You watch him softly chuckling before he turned his gaze back to you.

“I don’t want your dirty ass apology, Y/n. Your mom has already enough,” He spits. “Why are you apologizing for what your mom did? Did you have any part in it? You pity me don’t you.”

You took a few steps back unconsciously before he grabbed your arm and pulled you close. He placed his mouth over your ear. “The fact that you constantly try to fix your mom’s dirty deeds is annoying. She should be able to feel the pain that she’s given others.”

Your eyes water at that for yet, he wasn’t wrong. She did bad things, but that didn’t make her a bad person. You pushed the boy off of you with resentment in your gaze.

It was silent for a moment before your voice broke it. “You know nothing. Nothing at all. You think you got it all figured out don’t you,” you hissed. “Don’t you!” you raved.

You felt the burning tears sliding down your cheeks. “I’ve tried so hard to be generous to you. Do you think I wanted things to be like this? Do you think you’re the only going through things?” you declared. “Go to hell, Jeon!” you shouted before storming off.

Finally, dropping the papers off, you continued on with the rest of your day. Doing your very best to avoid the brown-haired boy at all costs.

It was a late night, you were bundled under your covers. You looked across the room to see a Chaeyoung peacefully asleep in her own bed. You sighed as you rolled into another position so you could finally go to sleep but it seemed nearly impossible no matter how hard you tried.

You looked over at your phone and you remembered that ridiculous app from earlier. You grabbed it from the nightstand before typing the name into the app store before downloading

Once it was finished downloading, you inspect med the app. The first thing to pop up was a loading screen that displayed tips about the app. Once it finished loading you were introduced to a welcome sign before it faded out into 3 rings with a zero in the middle of them.

It seemed fake. Like an app, a seven-year-old girl would download to try to find her imaginary prince charming. Nevertheless, it still intrigued you. You stayed up the rest of the night trying to find out more about before you crashed around 4 am.

A few months later, it finally starting to begin spring. The incident with Jeon is far in the back of year head as you sit on the bench and enjoy the warm air and the few blows of cool air surrounding you as you took a considerable bite out of your apple, listening to Chaeyoung as she rants about her latest “life problems”.

You feel content for the first time in a while. You feel in your gut it won’t last for long though. You inhale a deep breath to just take the moment in. You let your eyes flutter closed for a second, reassuring Chaeyoung that you’re still listening to her.

Suddenly you hear your phone beep. You look at the notification to see from LoveBeep, saying exactly, “Someone in a 10-meter radius loves you”. You were just about to put your phone back since it wasn’t like it was the first time it had beeped before but you had felt a certain urge to look up.

You looked up to see Jungkook walking past you with a friend. You were just about to ignore the occurrence when you realize, he was, in fact, within a 10-meter radius when your phone buzzed. You felt your cheeks tingling at that.

No, it wasn’t him. It can’t be him. You convinced yourself. You’re in a school, there are tons of other students within a 10-meter radius of you. He was also walking with a friend meaning it could’ve been him.

The incident could’ve been easily ignored if for the past few passing you had with him within the last month didn’t result in your phone beeping. Every. Single. Time.

You kept trying to ascertain that it was another reason for this but what really got you was when you were in art class early, drawing a few sketches to waste time. You had felt your phone vibrate as you got other notification from LoveBeep. You had heard the door open before you turned your attention over to where the sound was made.

It had fully hit you. Jungkook is the one beeping you.

You were currently waiting by the exit of the school since Chae was taking way more longer than expected oddly since it was normally you that was always late.

The majority of the students had already left school, only a few people walking around which you assumed was for the after school clubs. You decided on going into the school to go find her when you saw the boy down the hall.

“Jungkook, we need to talk,” you said as you walked up to him. You felt your phone vibrate again in your pocket before you let out a sigh.

“What?” he asked nonchalantly. He looked up at you like you were, in fact, wasting his time.

You tilted your head at him slightly look at him straight in his eyes. You just wanted to get it over with.

How can he act so damn rude yet still have feeling for you? Seems kinda fucked up.

“Listen, I don’t wanna be here just as much as you,” you smirked at him. “I know you like me, Jeon.” All you heard in reply was bluff of air coming through his sealed lips.

He rebuked, “What in the actual fuck are you talking about? You genuinely think I out of all fucking people would like you?”

Annoyed, you pulled out your phone and went directly Into the app.

“Then what is this?”

“An app.”

“What app jackass.”

“LoveBeep obviously.”

“Okay, and what does it say.”

“I’m not reading that you can do it yourself.”

You groaned in annoyance. “Are you just that fucking difficult?” You shot the phone right in his face. “You like me.” You disputed

“You’re gonna believe an app?” he yapped through tight lips. An obvious thick tension in the air had you fidgeting with your school skirt. The reality of it hit you.

This dickhead, the one who is steadily hateful towards you. The one who you once were close with. Yet, he is someone who had a full reason to hate. Not hurting any less though.

You hated him. But you loved him. Not in the cheesy ‘I’m in love with my enemy’ type of way. But the ‘You and me against the world’ type of way. A platonic love that was now one-sided from something which you strictly blame on yourself no matter how many times you tell yourself otherwise.

Your mood suddenly turning more sour at the realization, you mutter out a barely audible “Why?” before keeping your gaze with his eyes.

“You are so sick and twisted. I know she fucked up everything but you just let it out on me and then when I feel like I did it you have then you yell at me about why am I trying to fix shit that I didn’t do. It’s because of you!” you exploded.

Not stopping there, you step to up still maintaining the connected glare as you continue on. “Then you have the fucking audacity to like me? What the fuck is wrong with you.” You wept, your emotions finally overpowering you. You were so filled with anger but it was useless because there was nothing you could do about it. “It’s so unfair you can live your life like this while I’m just here.” you ended.

“Live my life like this? My parents aren’t even in the same fucking country because of her and you think your life is tough because I developed unwanted feelings for you?” He argued.

Anger flurrying through you, your arm flung at him involuntarily, slapping him in the process. “You don’t know everything!” you screeched tear stains down your cheeks before storming off.

As you were walking off, you heard him yell out to you causing you to stop. “I think it’s unfair that we can’t do anything about what our heart wants,” You heard him let out an emotionless chuckle. “If we could do you think I would like someone as low as you?” he deadpanned before listening to his footsteps walk off.

“Fuck you, Jungkook.” you gritted out before continuing on. Deciding on going home, you decided to text Chaeyoung ahead of time.

[4:51 pm] You: im gonna walk home early

[4:51 pm] Chae🍊: ? did something happen :(

[4:55 pm] Chae🍊: y/n???

[4:56 pm] You: can we talk about it later please

[4;56 pm] Chae🍊: ofc bubs

[4;57 pm] Chae🍊: do you want me to order your favorite takeout when i get home?

[4:57 pm] You: yes pls

And that was the last time you had any interaction with Jungkook.

a/n: I hope you enjoy this series!

[not-even-a-little-beanery]

Under the Moonlight

i am on a dnf HIGH rn so here’s this. sorry if it sucks i wrote it over the span of like 10 minutes while listening to heat waves on repeat. this is kinda weird cause i went with the knight!dream and king!george au but made it younger cjxksk

;;;

“Can I go now?” 

“George, you know that is not how you speak to your father.” George rolled his eyes. 

“May I be excused, your majesty?” He asked sarcastically. 

“Yes, you may be excused.” George stood up and left the room, anxious to get out of there. He had to have meetings with his parents every week, and every week they got increasingly boring. He still was years away from being king, so there was no reason to have to study everything about it constantly. 

“Hey, how was the meeting?” George stopped in his tracks, seconds away from running into his best friend. 

“You scared the crap out of me, Clay,” he said, but he was laughing. “It was boring, as always. You know how it is.” Clay nodded.

“You wanna go for a walk? It’s pretty late now, we could see the stars.” George glanced up at the taller boy, and smiled. 

“Great, let’s go.” The two headed in the direction of the nearest exit, joking around the whole way. Clay was the son of a knight at the palace, destined to be one when he was an adult. George being the prince, the two had grown up together, best friends since practically birth. George did everything with him, he was the closest friend he had. 

They reached the exit, and began their trek through the garden to the field on the hill about half a mile away. There was a tree positioned almost perfectly, allowing shade during the day but still space to see the night sky. 

“Tell me why I agreed to come out here with you again?” George teased, growing tired even though the walk wasn’t that far. 

“George," Clay pretended to be offended. “It’s because you love me,” he joked, playfully shoving George aside. 

“Oh ha ha, you wish I did,” George responded, earning a laugh from Clay. George loved his laugh, even though it kind of sounded like a tea kettle. George loved a lot of things about Clay, like his sandy hair in the moonlight and the way his eyes sparkled in the sun. Wait, what? George thought. Why am I thinking about my best friends eyes? 

“Georgie, come on, you’re so slow,” Clay said, pulling George from his thoughts. 

“Shut up, you’re an idiot,” George replied eloquently. 

“Very creative, George. I must say, your insults have really come a long way.” George lightly punched Clay on the shoulder, and there his laugh was again. It was a comforting sound, it always had been. 

At last, they reached the top of the hill, and the two laid down in the grass side by side, gazing at the sky. 

“Hey, that one kind of looks like you,” George said, pointing at a particular section of stars. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It looks like a pile of shit,” George said, unable to contain his smile. 

“You’re an absolute idiot,” Clay replied. 

“I know, but you still love me.”

“Yeah, I do.” George glanced at Clay, his voice suddenly quiet. 

“You alright?” he asked, worriedly. Clay took a second to respond. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m alright.” He coughed, and George leaned back over to look at the stars. And then, after a moment, “George?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you ever just think about life? And how we really only get to live once?” 

“Don’t start getting emotional about YOLO on me now,” George joked, but the look on Clay’s face shut him up. “What’s up, Clay?” 

“I just can’t stop thinking about how this is it, I’ll never be this age again. We only get one chance to live, one chance to really make it count.” Clay turned to face George, and their eyes met. “I can’t stop thinking about us, George.”

“What about us?” George’s voice was impossibly quiet. It was then he noticed that their faces were close, really close. 

“You know what I mean.” George could feel Clay’s breath on his face, he could taste it. 

“I don’t,” he replied. 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed,” Clay said. George’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. What hadn’t he noticed? “Come on, George. You don’t notice it when I stare at you a little longer than normal, how I’m always closer to you, how I always have been-” As if finally realizing that George had no idea what he was talking about, Clay stopped. “You really don’t get it, do you?” George shook his head. Clay got up, breaking the moment, and began walking away. 

“Clay, where are you going?” George called out, scrambling to get up. 

“George, I’m sick of living a lie.” George didn’t have time to ask what on earth he meant before Clay was taking his face in his hands and slamming their lips together. George froze for a second before responding, pushing back against Clay’s. He didn’t even think about what this meant, only the fact that his lips were on Clay’s and oh my god this is amazing. After a moment, Clay pulled away.  

“Do you get it now?” George nodded, unable to form a coherent thought after what just happened. “I’m in love with you, George. I always have been, all along. I wasn’t going to tell you because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but I couldn’t hold back anymore. I want to be yours, George, and I want you to be mine.” George’s heart was pounding. He didn’t know what was happening, why Clay was confessing, or how he felt about it. Sure, he had always had a special bond with Clay, but that didn’t mean he liked him, right? But the kiss, he thought. The kiss was definitely something he needed to think about. 

“Uh. . .” George started, but he didn’t even know where he was going. Clay looked at him again, and then sighed. 

“I’m sorry,” Clay said, before turning around and running back to the castle, leaving George on the hill under the moonlight.

~~

Two days later, George was still pretty shocked. He hadn’t done anything, barely paying attention to his classes and skipping meals. He also hadn’t talked to Clay, which was affecting him the most. George had never gone longer than a day without seeing him, let alone talking to him. 

“George, are you and Clay okay? Normally you guys are joined at the hip.” As if reading his thoughts, George turned from his position on the bench in the gardens to see his friend, Nick, standing a couple feet away. 

“Er, yeah, we’re fine.” Even George knew that wasn’t believable. 

“Just tell me, George. This isn’t like you guys.” George sighed, as much as he didn’t want to, he knew Nick could help him. 

“Clay confessed. . . to liking me. And he kissed me.” Nick didn’t even look fazed. 

“So, what’s the issue?”

“What do you mean, what’s the issue? He kissed me!” 

“Well yeah, you guys have been like fake dating for forever.” George’s jaw dropped. “Don’t tell me you haven’t realized it yet.” George just continued staring. “Oh my God, George!” 

“Yeah, we’ve always been super close, and sure it’s crossed my mind, but I don’t like him, do I?” George was extremely confused. 

“Did you like it when he kissed you?” George thought about it for a second.

“Yeah, I did. His lips were soft.” After he said it, George mentally slapped himself. “Oh my god! I love Clay!” Nick just rolled his eyes. 

“I think he’s in his room, you guys need to talk.” George nodded, and sprinted off in the direction of Clay’s room. His mind was racing, what was he even going to say? Whatever, he would figure it out when he got there. He reached the door, and stood to catch his breath for a moment. He stood up straight to knock on the door, but it opened to Clay before he could.

“George? What are you doing here?” 

“I need to talk to you, Clay.” Clay nodded, and the two walked back into the room. 

“I know what this is about, George, and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that and I shouldn’t have told you, I’ve screwed everything up-” 

“Clay, shut up.” The blonde looked at him, slightly surprised, before closing his mouth. “I should be the one apologizing. I hadn’t realized it then, but I love you Clay. Just like you said, I always have. Please, forgive me, I didn’t know what to do-” George was interrupted by the pure bliss of Clay’s lips on him, and instead of wasting a second like last time, George immediately melted into the kiss. It was soft, and it was perfect. George could get used to this. 

[ecoutez-moi]

part 4, here’s some more

Day 20 -  Monday,  March 8

Amber

I’m grateful for

1. My mom

2. My dad

3. All the amazing women in my life (you included😇)

4. My grandma

5. The rest of my family that we don’t talk to lol

6. Having heat and air conditioning

7. Grateful to afford things and not lacking

8. Having and abundance of food and water

9. Health

10. America ( given you know, all the shittiest of shitty things) I am really grateful I don’t live in a third world country or anything like that rn

Day 21 - Tuesday March 9

Daniel B

1) God

2) Family (especially after they’ve really started to support my dream

Of music)

3) new city

4) artists way book

5) quitting weed

6) leaving LA

7) grateful I’m able to pursue my dream of being a producer

8) Learning guitar

9) mental health + mindfulness

10) cold showers

Sarah S

Hi sorry, I forgot to respond. I’m still so sad about teddy. It’s hard to think about this but I know i’m grateful for things. Like for my friendship with you. For clarence. For my job. For my friends. My house. My family. But 10 things?? Lol that’s hard. What are you grateful for?

Day 22 Wednesday  March 10

Tobias D

My spiritual journey, my family, my health, My puppies, The ability to laugh at myself, finding joy in random things, my creativity, my tenacity, music, magic

Day 23 Thursday - March 11

Victoria Petrovsky

My health, my child, my husband, my job, my family, my friends, my job, my colleagues, Starbucks,pinterest,

Day  24 Friday - March 12

Keith F

1.My health

2.My Family & Friends

3. My job

4. My apt

5. My car

6. My sanity

7. Living in a city I love

8. My freedom

9. Being able to advocate for my community

10. My lack of going without.

Michael N.

My friends like you.

Melia

Melias wonderful family and friends

Everyone’s health particularly after the pandemic

The luxury of a job

Being able to work from home and spend less time traveling and commuting

Being able to be in the same city as my family

Good genes that keeps me thin without working out

A second home!

Interesting work that is keeping me engaged

Brenna K

yes!

1. my health

2. my dog

3. the trip I just took to Joshua Tree

4. surprises

5. waves of hopefulness

6. natural beauty

7. working w my career coach

8. music and movement

9. my relationship with myself

10. friends

DAY 25 SATURDAY

Landon M

Would love to! Grateful for a ton, including:

1. My marriage

2. My dog, and the fact he has never chewed any of my shoes up

3. Our homes are in good shape

4. My job is awesome, and I have an extremely patient boss who shares his knowledge with me constantly

5. Family is healthy; my cousin was really sick, but she started doing better today.

6. We're going through Foster Parent training and in a position where we can be caring adults for kids in need

7. Low stress life

8. I'm not in the Netflix test group, so I can keep using my mom's password for now

9. Meredith is about to sign a licensing/sync deal and has some really cool traction, so I'm on track to be a kept man

10. Friends like you, that we stay in touch with even though we don't get to see each other often

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Maxwell J

Well...

-my family for sure

-Health (although I could hit the gym more often)

-I’m blessed to still have a job

-I’m grateful for you! I bet a smile that’s way too big when I receive a text from you

-My new apartment I just moved into (it’s nicer and cheaper than my other place)

-I’ve been able to really get closer to my best friend thru awesome convos lately

-I did get to travel to Santa Barbara for my brothers mini Covid safe wedding

-I’ve seen a buddy of mine start an IG food account that’s been getting a lot of love

-work has started to shift a bit to include more of my ideas on POC focused initiatives

-and you (again)

DAY 26 SUNDAY

Mike G

My life ! LOL

Waking up every morning is all I’m grateful for ! 🙏🏼🤗

Joyce G

That’s pretty cool. Here’s my list:

1. Having shelter

2. Food in my belly

3. My family and friends

4. Getting a paycheck

5. Fur babies

6. My health

7. Days off-weekends, holidays, PTOs

8. Internet

9. Clean water

10. Ability to buy what I need/like

I was thinking about other things I’m grateful for. I should have added to my list for my great grandfather’s courage to immigrate to the U.S. then eventually bringing over his kids and grandkids. He still had his long ponytail when he came over

[omgviolette12]

Dark morning, Part 2

An AU Loki fic

Summary:  Lita sourly regretted going to his office. She should’ve stayed home, to work on her manuscript. Then she would head out to the daycare, and watch her cute little son play for a bit. Live in her ignorant bubble. But no, she just had to make him lunch, didn’t she?

Chapters: 2/3

Pairing: Loki/Original Character

Words: 2292

Warning: Angst, Implied/Referenced cheating

A/N :  A sad fic to match the gloomy, rainy weather rn. I love reading heartbreaking shit on occasion, so enjoy this two-shot of depression. Sorry not sorry. Inspired by @voila-tout‘s fic, “Little Do you Know”

---------

The first thing that Loki found alarming was the darkness of the house. Lita should most definitely be home about now. In fact, he knew she was home since her car was parked in the driveway. This puzzled him. The house would usually be filled with a delicious aroma, a warm glow of comfort enveloping the atmosphere. Her singing as she worked to prepare dinner. But silence reigned.

He held his son as he made his way further into the house, flicking the nearest switch to turn on the lights.

“Mmm... where Momma?” Uri fidgeted restlessly in his arms, wanting to be put down.

“Settle down Uri, your mother’s probably sleeping,”

That was the conclusion he drew up in his head, urging his son to return back to sleep with a gentle whisper. He didn’t have to do much urging however, the car ride making him sufficiently drowsy. He carried Uri to his room, placing him carefully into his cradle for a nap.

After that was done, Loki went to look for Lita, heading straight to their bedroom first. He hoped she was actually there, asleep.

Loki opened the door, and he found her immediately.

Her small silhouette sat by the large window under the cover of darkness, the cold air drifting in to ruffle the curtains above her. Since the window was open, her dress was thoroughly drenched because of the rain.

“Lita? Darling….”

He made his way over to her in large strides after turning on the light in the room, stooping beside her. Worry and confusion overtook his face when she did not deign to acknowledge his presence, her face turned stubbornly to look outside as the rain pelted against her face.

“How long have you been sitting here in the dark? Lita? You even neglected to pick up Uri. I did it for you, so you don’t have to worry. But, what happened? Why is the window open?”

“........”

No response.

Loki swallowed, the lump in his throat becoming extremely painful. It was decided. She knew...she most definitely knew. Why else would she be ignoring him so fervently?  But he had to ask, just to be sure.

He sighed, bracing himself for the inevitable outburst.

“Lita, did...did you come by the office today?”

But again, he was met with silence.

He shakily took a hold of her hand, holding it against his lips to kiss it, “Love...please. I know… I know what you probably saw was - was terrible. It was just...meaningless sex, I assure you. I only love you.”

Even with his outright confession, her body moved not an inch. She didn’t even revolt from his touch, or look at him with the disgust that he knew he deserved.

He began to grow frustrated, his expression twisting. He let go of her hand, moving to grab her shoulders full-on to turn her towards him, “ I know you can’t even look at me, but say something! Curse at me, tell me how much of a bastard I am. Hit me, anything! Don’t...don’t run away from me like this...talk to me,”

All he got in response was the patter of the rain against the windowsill.

Although her body now faced him from when he grabbed her shoulders, her head remained turned away.

He got up from his knee, moving to pace the room in frantic steps. He sat down on the bed with a loud thump, hands moving to cover his face.

Why in the world wasn’t she speaking?

She never ignored him before. Even in their most heated arguments, she always sought to speak with him about whatever it was that troubled her. Was his betrayal that shocking?

Tears threatened to overtake his eyes. Deep down...he knew it was.

Loki looked up from his fingers to stare at her, brows furrowed. Her body was like a statue, he could barely even make out a single twitch. Lita was positioned uncomfortably, her neck craned to look away from him, her hand hanging in the air from when he kissed it.

It hit him that something must be seriously wrong at that moment. This was not a mere act of malice.

He went to her once more, attempting to move her head to look at him. He was met with some resistance, but eventually, his eyes met her own. But although she now faced him, it was like she was staring into the void, her face expressionless.

Loki moved her arms up and down, and they would stay in the exact position he posed them in, like a doll. That was all the confirmation he needed to take her to the hospital. Her behavior was too abnormal.

But first, he had to get her warm. She was cold to the touch, which meant she was most likely sitting there, soaked for hours.

He released a shaky, tortured breath. The reason she was like this...it was all his fault.

In the first attempt to try and move her, he looped his arm underneath her legs in order to transition to a princess carry.

Well, it was an attempt. Because moving her was actually much harder than he anticipated. Lita was a small woman, and especially light on her feet. He had absolutely no issues carrying her previously. But it was like all her muscles seized up in a painful way, adding drastically to her weight.

Still, he never gave up. Now that he knew about the stiffness, he tried once more to -

“D…”

He paused, head shooting up to look at her face. It was quiet, so quiet he almost missed it. Was she trying to say something?

Her face was still mostly expressionless, with the exception of her trembling lips. It looked as though it took exceptional effort just to say a letter, so he waited patiently with bated breath, moving closer so he could hear her whispers.

“D….on’t. F….uh...c, in…..”

There was a momentary silence before she started once again, “Tuh...ch...m..me…”

Don’t fucking touch me.

Lita spoke slowly, with plenty of pauses. But her words translated loud and clear, slapping him across the face.

He didn’t know what he expected her to say. His throat constricted painfully, her words hurting much more than he anticipated. But he understood that whatever hurt he felt in that moment didn’t even come close to what she was experiencing.

He swallowed thickly, blinking away the tears that were starting to form against his will, "I..I know. I'm sorry...please allow me to move you away from here, at least. The last thing I want is for you to get sick,"

Loki wanted to honor her wishes. He knew he’d lost any right to touch her, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t leave her there to get soaked by the rain any longer.

He resumed what he was doing, looping an arm underneath her legs, and held her against his chest.

Although Lita’s face was serene, he somehow sensed that she wanted to fight against his touch with everything she had.

Loki did not want to make her more unhappy than she already was, so he hurriedly went to place her on the bed. He covered her with the blankets, tucking her stiff feet underneath the covers, “...I will make some soup, to help warm you up. Uri’s sleeping, but he should be hungry right about now as well.”

He looked at her for a long time after he said those words, his expression sorrowful. If only he hadn’t fallen into temptation…then Lita wouldn’t be like this. He’d get to see the smile he loved so much, and hear her laugh…

Loki turned away sharply, marching from the room. He had to focus.

Although Lita loved to do the cooking, sometimes he would offer to make dinner on days she felt particularly stressed. She loved his chicken soup, so he set off in preparing it.

He worked diligently, so it was finished in about an hour. He went to check on Uri and saw that he was still asleep, then brought the soup over to Lita.

Loki’s heart drummed nervously, sitting on the bed next to her as he held the bowl of soup in his hands.

“I made your favorite soup. No carrots, just the way you would like it.”

She only stared straight ahead. It clicked for him that she couldn’t eat even if she wanted, and he doubted she’d be reticent to spoon-feeding.

He dejectedly placed the bowl on the side table next to the bed, then pulled out his phone “I’m going to call Thor, to help you into the car and watch Uri. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

The one-sided conversation was slowly starting to make him feel sick, so he left the room as he dialed Thor’s number.

“Loki!”

Thor burst through the door loudly, looking absolutely enraged, “Where’s Lita?!”

Thor cared for Lita as if she was his own sister, so to hear the nonsense that Loki spoke over the phone…the anger he felt for her was palpable.

Loki was waiting for him, his expression cold. “Hello, brother.” He was immediately lifted by the collar, Thor bringing his face dangerously close to his, “I have every mind to hit you where you stand, Loki. Just...how could you?”

Loki closed his eyes, his true sorrow masked with indifference. “Then do as you will, Thor. Though I doubt it would change a thing.”

Thor’s eyes nearly glowed red, but he lowered his fist, shrugging Loki away from him, “...Where is she? I’ll take her to the hospital. Watch over Uri instead.”

“No. I am her next of kin, her husband,” he adjusted his collar, looking off to the side as he spoke, “It would be more useful to the doctors if I was there, to answer questions.”

“You have no right to call yourself her husband.” Thor turned sharply, “Take me to her. I’ll help her into the car.”

Thor allowed the tears to flow from his eyes as he saw Lita’s state, moving onto the bed to pull her into an embrace. Her hands laid limp at her sides as he hugged her, “I’m so sorry, Lita. You do not deserve this.”

As Loki requested, Thor carried Lita to the car, placing her in the back seat. He put a blanket on her lap to help keep her warm, then buckled her in. “She’s ready now.”

“...Thank you, Thor.”

Thor only shook his head, his voice laced with disappointment, “Just make sure she’s okay, Loki. I’ll watch the little bean sprout.”

With that, he left Loki to take her to the hospital.

-------------------------

Catatonic Depression.

That was what the doctor said, yet he had problems comprehending it.

The doctor had asked him a plethora of questions about her general health, since Lita clearly was unable to answer. The questions then took a strange turn when the woman asked him if she suffered from depression in the past, and started to move Lita's limbs about experimentally.

“Her...sister recently passed, and she would have periods where she would just...stare blankly into space. But, things have never progressed like this before.”  Loki knew that wasn’t the only reason. But he didn’t want to surface his shame.

“And she was only like this when you came home, correct?” Loki simply nodded his head.

“She has most of the symptoms of catatonia, so we’ll have imaging studies done to ensure there isn’t a tumor, or another underlying condition.”

The doctor turned towards him then, “But based on what you said, it’s most probable that she’s suffering from catatonic depression. She’s had history, so this is a likely diagnosis.”

She placed Lita’s arms down back to the bed, writing down notes on her pad, “I will discuss treatment options after the results are in, so I suggest checking her in for a few days.”

Loki’s face paled. Whatever Lita had, it sounded serious, “Cat...Catatonic depression? Forgive me, but I’m clueless as to what that is,”

“It’s a subtype of depression, which means a person may appear speechless or motionless for periods at a time. Hmm...it’s still unclear what causes it, but factors include a history of depression, the passing of a loved one, or any event equally shocking in nature. This isn’t to be taken lightly, as it can hinder her daily life in the future.”

Loki’s entire body felt weak as he sat by her bed, his pallor now a sickly shade. The doctor noticed his distress, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “I say this, but it’s very treatable with the correct approach. Lita has a high chance to recover.”

He was no longer listening, his body listless. How couldn’t he have noticed that things were this bad? He ignored all the signs of his wife’s growing sadness, to instead seek pleasures of the flesh. Loki recalled Thor’s words. He had no right to call himself her husband.

In the next few days, he watched over Lita from afar, not wanting to upset her too much with his presence. He wanted her to recover as quickly as possible, so he made his presence scarce. Most of his family visited, however, with Thor bringing Uri in to see his mother.

Slowly but surely, she started to recover. She was placed on medication that proved effective, and she was starting to speak and move again.

He watched from the door window as she slowly ruffled their son’s hair, hugging him to her chest as she spoke to Thor. For the first time in a while, she was smiling.

That smile may never reach his direction ever again...but it made his dark morning a tad brighter.

A/N: I may or may not do a part 3. I have trouble deciding. 

[longinglook]

I’m answering a bunch of asks about this episode under a read more to avoid spoilers/spamming everyone’s dash with a ton of posts, so if you’ve sent me an ask and I haven’t answered it yet, it’s probably down here!!!!

angry fighter looks hot af but at what cost 😔

they could have kept it. i’m ready to give up angry fighter and naked showering fighter if they take back what they did

not at how i'm more invested in fighter and tutor's relationship than my own but to be fair me and my boyfriend have been together for like 6 years lol and thankfully we know how to communicate

goals omg... where do i get a long lasting relationship with someone who can communicate and is okay with me caring more about a fictional couple than anything else please tell me your secrets

"i don't love you anymore" hurt us more please

I felt so numb at that point I didn’t even register the pain... 

The LineTV version will be worse but we saw how it will end so I can finally breathe a sigh of relief I knew Tutor would push him away at least they got that right and his response hurts so much but after what Fighter did in that scene it makes sense "If you ask me rn I don't love you anymore"

Yup the linetv version was indeed worse. I found it interesting how Fighter stopped because of Tutor’s words and not because he was pushed away. Apart from the whole bed scene which I hated and I will talk about it more in a different post, I also disliked A LOT how Fighter doesn’t apologize. He cries sure, but he’s crying about the breakup, he doesn’t seem to regret or realize how bad what he just did is.

tutor gave him the necklace back but he still has the nametag and string maybe it was a mistake to watch the episode after all

honestly nothing of this episode made sense from a narrative standpoint

electric chair for fight's dad i don't even care at this point just k word him

agreed, it’s all his fault he deserves to rot but also make sure he hasn’t disowned Fighter yet before he d words

Right, I'm sitting down with a large, very strong margarita (which my girlfriend made me, rolling her eyes and saying "what the hell is it with you and these Thai boys"?) and opening the LineTV subbed link. See you on the other side!!

[adele voice] hello from the other side! I wish I had alcohol or a girlfriend to keep me company thoughout this mess

now that deleted scene makes more sense, it explains a bit more why fighter would completely lose it when tutor uses that kid to make him jealous. tutor's plan and the whole scene following it was bullshit but series add some random shit for drama all the time so why am i even surprised. at least he stopped, they talked and tutor told him off. still don't get why it was necessary. him just breaking down in front of tutor would have been enough.

IT WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME MAD THE MOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS CLEARLY JUST AN EXCUSE TO CREATE MORE DRAMA IN A CHEAP TASTELESS WAY! oh my god you guys I am so upset, I will write more in another post but. I can’t believe they thought this would be a good idea. It completely ruined the rest of the episode for me. The conversation they have right after could have worked just fine without the ab*se, it was a good conversation, Fighter telling Tutor that he has liked him since day one, that it took him a lot to take down his walls and come to terms with his feelings. ALL THAT SHIT BEFORE WAS NOT NECESSARY. NOT GOOD. 

let's be real zee deserves a fuckin' oscar for his performance in the last episodes and todays saint too i was crying like a baby

zee was incredible. last week saint was mvp for me, but this week zee was insane. the scene with his father was so well done. I dodn’t cry because I was extremely upset, and still am, and I didn’t enjoy the episode at all. But I can recognize the amazing performances that Saint and Zee gave us today

the author said she talked to the director and he wants to re-shoot many scenes because he want to emphasize on more pain for both couples??? sir i think we had enough pain thank you very much

the only thing that I want them to shoot is a fucking apology video for thinking this was a good idea

fighter telling his father he sucks at love and that his wife literally ran away from him to be with another man made my day lol like why are you trying to judge someone's else love life when you suck at your own dude

that was amazing! while I was watching the unsubbed broadcast I was praying he’d come out or use the word gay. This wasn’t exactly it, but it still was a very very good conversation that I would have enjoyed more if part 1 hadn’t happened.

zee's acting was so good but i still hate they took that route for fighter like i'm super glad it wasn't romanticized and tutor did kiss him back at some point but that scene could have had the same impact if they just talked istg

yup! zee you’re doing amazing sweetie i’m sure it’s not your fault they made fighter do this. the scene was so incredibly pointless. no words

I know many people are talking about Part 1 as they should for obvious reasons but let's also talk about Part 2 because that was FighterTutor I know and love. Plus Saint was acting so cute like a cat it was adorable and all the little touches between them I just want them to be happy.

I... hated that scene I’m so sorry to disappoint. It felt so out of place after part 1, it made zero sense to have Tutor act that way after what he had said to Fighter and what had just happened. I’ve noticed that fevers tend to be used a lot in bls to show the sick character that this other person is sweet and caring and it’s just so out of the blue and a clear plot device to get Tutor to rethink... It honestly was so unnecessary considering that Zon talks to him after and I’d like to believe that’s what convinces Tutor to maybe fight some more for his happiness. Idk I found the whole chest rub insanely uncomfortable after everything that happened, Tutor was sick and feverish, idk. Also the joke at the start of that scene about Fighter taking advantage of him was AWFUL. WHAT THE FUCK.

no you are right the part with zon was kinda weirdly translated plus the whole text conversation which fighter was reading on part 2 (or was part 3?) isn't translated

the texts say something along the lines of “How are you? I saw you were very sick. I thought about P’Fight’s father. Can I suggest something? I say talk to Fight about his father. There should be a better soultion” (provided by google translate)

fighter reminds me of that one friend i had in college he would just suddenly disappear for days and then come back just to disappear again

I was that friend in college... you can’t just be emotionally available all the time, sometimes you gotta bounce

whyru season 2 with dew and his boyfriend but this time dew will run off all the time leaving fighter on his own

I agree with this

[kazmorosov]

|| bill skarsgard, cismale, he/him || ( kazaran morozov ) is a ( 25 ) year old ( senior ) at rockport university studying ( business + literature [TA] ). people say they are ( ardent ) but also ( stoic ), and remind others of ( coffee rings on crisp paper, losing their sense of reality, hushed arguments ). bet they sure didn’t expect anyone to know about ( his plagiarizing to succeed and honor his terminally ill mother he killed ) but someone does, and ( kaz ) better cooperate if they plan to keep their lives. || james, 20, EST ||

hi i’m so sorry this took a long ass time to put out but im herE lmao here’s my baby

tw; murder, addiction/substance abuse, abuse mentions,

gen. info:

full name: kazaran nikolai morozov

nickname(s): kaz

b.o.d.: december 14th

label(s): the escapist, the academic, the fallen, the philanthropist, etc.

height: 6′4″

hometown: bangor, maine

sexuality: str...aigh...t ? question mark ?

biography:

born to a self-made businessman and a philanthropist with a penchant for odd names

his father’s a russian who moved to the u.s. in his childhood who still has many...unique, ties, to the country though none of those are important

his business involves military equipment and he works closely with the u.s.’s military (ahsdfghk conspiracies ?)

and his mother was a plain jane (literally--her name was jane) from a family of politicians; his uncle’s a senator

kaz is the eldest out of seven children (christ) and yes all of their names are just as excessive as ‘kazaran’

grew up with the pressure of the ‘golden child’ title; kaz had to be perfect at everything he did, from his grades to after school activities to manners and presentment

was always expected to follow in his father’s footsteps and like ?? partner with him once he was old enough? 

which is fine and grand except kaz had never given a shit about his father’s business; his real passion had always been for the arts, particularly literature and even more particularly poetry

he found that the arts was probably the most...free, kaz could get, without actively rebelling against his father

b/c god . . . his father is a force to be reckon’d w/

very strict man, likes to be in control constantly, not the...best, emotionally towards his family. or verbally. sometimes physically. y’know.

this really only...amplified, kaz’s perfectionist attitude. it was mostly out of fear of repercussions than much else

kaz has, however, always loved his mother.

jane is the opposite of their father, a woman who loves the world and everybody in it with this...heart of gold, and best intentions in mind

the only problem was that she was horribly submissive to her husband

aNYWAys okay, kaz grew up fairly unscathed but only because he was so...conformist, y’know?

loves his siblings and would die for them, but god--he’d have to side with his father just for his own sake, which definitely strained his relationship with a few of ‘em

AnywAys again; was pretty well-known in his high school

for being like, intimidatingly tall but also was fairly popular? star of the track team, student gov president, in DECA or whatever.

went to rockport just because it wasn’t...too far from home, and partially because he wasn’t allowed to go out of state.

and he was fine w/ it, man

his mother got sick his freshmen year, however, it wasn’t...horrible, at first

it was concerning, yes, but the doctors said she was going to be fine

jane was pretty...adamant about not letting her condition effect her children, too, so she acted as if she was fine

kaz, being a dumbass, was like alright fine this is fine and went on w/ life

sophomore year he met his soulmate; a future veterinarian named freya

n i mean he just...fell for her immediately, y’know ?? n ig she felt similar enough b/c they started dating immediately

it was really...good, for him; especially as his mother’s heath had suddenly taken a turn for the worst

kaz wound up taking two years off of school to care for his mother; his father was gone more often than not, and he felt as if his younger siblings shouldn’t have been burdened with the task

and well...jane never got better, only worse

it was at the point where the doctors had sent her home, knowing that nothing else could be done--she was confined to her bed, and miserable. in pain, really.

one...day, as kaz was tending to jane, she broke down. i mean, just, a full on emotional breakdown, a complete episode, begging him to just...put her out of her misery.

and, god, kaz had never disobeyed his parents (minus his studies in literature but y’knw what. . . not important rn) but that was so ?? morally ?? conflicting ??

they cried together for a long time until y’know. deciding what to do.

as soon as she had fallen asleep, kaz put a pillow to her.

he was never...caught, tho that may have involved some bribery on his father’s end who knows

the day after the funeral, kaz proposed to freya and she agreed.

and it really should’ve been fine if kaz’s mental health didn’t rapidly deteriorate like...he was not handling it well

freya helped, yes, but she could only do so much

turned to drugs, particularly painkillers after a minor car crash and just...a mix of shit, y’know.

probably stole drugs from his fiance’s job tbh

got on antidepressants, which only worsened his shit b/c he started ?? occasionally hallucinating his dead mother ??

his creativity had also just. shat on itself. he couldn’t write, no matter how hard he tried

his mother had really wanted him to pursue his dreams, and god, he was too far in his degree to drop literature

so he started....plagiarizing, his works, b/c kaz is a whole ass idiot. but he hasn’t gotten caught yet, somehow

his fiance thought the cruise program would be a great way for kaz to possibly, recover, since she could see how bad he was doing so he weNt because of her

also yes at this point he had gone back to school; had even gotten a TA position because he used to be...one of the best in his class, y’know ?

anyways yeah im paraphrasing this all horribly but idc u get the point

drug addict, mercy-killed his mother, loves his fiancee, tortured soul, y’know all that

personality:

likes to pretend he’s much calmer than he actually is, y’know

likes the whole aloof and distant thing b/c it’s already so easy for him to be intimidating

he can b a lil snarky, a lil sarcastic, but he’s overall always been really well meaning?

can be extremely passionate about his hobbies, or his future wife, or really...anything he mildly likes, tho, y’know?

gOD is he always feeling so guilty, tho, it really weighs him down

but he’s also like...usually high, sometimes u can tell but more often than not u can’t ??

because he’s obsessed w/ seeming okay. and doing okay. and being that average dude next door, y’know?

he wants to be normal, to feel normal, but he’s got this wave of emotions crashing into his chest and he’s in sm pa i n constantly

like he’s got major anxiety but u won’t know unless u catch him in midst of a panic attack and like he’d rather die than somebody see that

probably journals as a way 2 like...cope, and keep himself calm

uuhh he’s like lowkey a huge softie. will cry at sad movies and won’t care tht he’s crying about it

takes teaching rly seriously but he’s also always concerned somebody’s going to figure out that he’s just. a fraud.

smart, with dumbass energy

like he just...sometimes doesn’t think ??

loves his fiancee a whole bunch but this distance thing is...sm harder than he thought it would be. she’s his anchor and he’s just ?? floating aimlessly now

but yeah he’s always acting like he’s okay, like he’s gucci.

uuuhhhh god i dont know what else to say tbh ?? he’s just. a mans. being a mans.

probably doesn’t sleep super often b/c not only is he a TA, but he’s got some mf nightmares man

wanted connections:

got a girl best friend but he needs a...dude best friend?

other friends in general, honestly

professors he’s got some sort of relationship with b/c he’s working for penelope rn

a flirty unrequited thing, where they keep tryn but kaz is like nO i am TAKEN look at this photo of my beAUTIFUL FIANCEE

ppl pissed at him for the grades he’s given them LMAO

people...concerned? for him?

bad mf influences who are like LET’S GET FUCKED UP

a dealer y’know. somebody on the ship who can give him what he wants which is a Lot

uuh let’s brainstorm together, bb

like srsly just. gimme a like, i’ll pop into ur dms w/ my messy tall son and be like let’s fuck him up !

[kairoth]

1-7, 10, 12-15, 18-24, 28, 30, 38-46, 49-52, 60-61, 72-75, 85-92, 100, 102, 104-114, 117-120, 124-127, 129, 135-150? Do whichever you want though.

hey! done on laptop so sorry if there are any mistakes

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

♥ my mum?? i think.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

♥ definitely shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

♥ wellll soon we'll be going to see the two lil puppies i've gotta choose from and i'm excited about that!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

♥ i mean... idk?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

♥ prob not

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

♥ hhh kind people. like, attracted to as in i'd date them... same thing pretty much but also i tend to fall for more dominant people.  

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

♥ prob not lmao. no one wants to date me i'm gross

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

♥ uhh my mum. last night. sort of.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

♥ literally every song by EDEN takes up my top 50.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

♥ YEA

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

♥ i mean sometimes.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

♥ it's not summer yet but uhhhh i'm gonna get a puppy!

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

♥ hhh our parents are friends and we're still kind of awkward friends? we haven't like actually had full conversations in a long time but we still hang out sometimes.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

♥ yea! but like,, not to where you get bubbles in your mouth cos bleh

20. Do you like your neighbors?

♥ a little! the people close to us are pretty nice. there's this one old lady across the way from us whose dog i used to walk. she let's me pick oranges from her tree and talks to me. it's fun! she's away from home a lot tho since her husband died.

21. What are you bad habits?

♥ rambling, for one. picking at threads for two. uhh, can't think of any more off the top of my head but there's definitely a bunch of other ones.

22. Where would you like to travel?

♥ i reallllyyy wanna go to Ireland. definitely some places in Asia and some more in Europe.

23. Do you have trust issues?

♥ yes.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

♥ sleeeeep. soon enough it'll prob be my puppy

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

♥ my cats and my mum. ooh and my aunt danni.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

♥ maybe! i'm pretty polyamorous tho and if i was in a relationship with more than one person it'd feel unfair if i only married one of them... so it'd be really cool if we could make polyamorous marriage a thing pls.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

♥ OOF. uh. just. someone who is kind and loves me and will take care of me, and who i can do the same for. someone who will put up with my clinginess and paranoia. someone who loves animals and hates people who abuse animals or kids or other people just as much as i do. someone who can put up with my quirks in general. i always imagine someone who, if we're separated and reunite, will let me run to them and do the hug thing where they pick me up lol. we can read books to each other and they won't get frustrated if i stumble over my words, we can share music with each other, cook/bake with each other, travel, see an animal and just coo over them together, watch horror movies even tho i hate them but it's ok because i have them with me. sorry long answer lmao,, i got carried away

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

♥ barnes n noble, hot topic just bc, and uuuuuuh that's it.

40. What do you want to do after high school?

♥ ideally i could do a gap year to travel. i might do a gap year and work so i can get money. i don't know if i can get into college, but my mum suggested interning for a local vet, even tho i'm not in medicine, because it's good to have that knowledge if i wanna own an animal shelter. it's a good idea so i might do that.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

♥ it depends. sometimes if you give someone a second chance they'll take it and stab you with it (metaphorically). it all just depends on what they did, who they are, how they are, how they feel about what they did.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

♥ i used to be super loud when i was younger. sometimes i am when with close friends. now, it could just be that i'm focused, or thinking, or comfortable, or sad, or sick, or upset. when i'm angry with my aunt bc she won't stop messing with me i'll go silent. idk.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

♥ sometimes!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

♥ i'd like to say neither and outerspace. the ocean terrifies me. but so does outer space sometimes????

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

♥ depends on what's happening that day. if something exciting is happening i'll prob get up quick. and if i'm in bed cos i don't feel good then the thing that gets me up is like. the fear of disappointing my parents by not doing anything. or when like my cat is very insistent on needing something (like food or water or getting out of my room) and i don't want to be a bad owner and not get it.

46. What are you paranoid about?

♥ fff what am i not paranoid about?

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

♥ mmm... nothing i can really think about?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

♥ black.

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

♥ oh definitely

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

♥ my appearance. or my personality. hm.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

♥ mmm... i won a fencing competition once. but like. it wasn't a huge competition. just a few little series of fights that our teacher was having us do.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

♥ nahh. i've gotten two detentions but never suspended

72. What colour are your towels?

♥ uhh the ones i use are white striped w green and pink.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

♥ there are two 72s??? oh well. uhh only one

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

♥ yea! most of them are just around me, the only two i actually snuggle with are my bbies teddy (a bear i've had since 5) and addi (a panda i got like two years ago?)

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

♥ uhh. maybe 30? or somewhere around there?

75. Favourite animal?

♥ don't make me chooooose

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

♥ never seen it

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

♥ hhh nemo. he's such a good little clever fishie. v mischievous tho

87. First person you talked to today?

♥ mum!

88. Last person you talked to today?

♥ uh prob gonna be my mum

89. Name a person you hate?

♥ trump

90. Name a person you love?

♥ syd ! my kitty

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

♥ uuuuuuuh nah

92. In a fight with someone?

♥ ? nah

100. How are you feeling?

♥ rn? pretty ok. i just finished my geometry course so i've only got three classes left !

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

♥ yes. my entire past. being born. like yikes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

♥ yes.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

♥ yup

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

♥ ? who knows

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

♥ yea! i used to do lessons but i stopped

108. What should you be doing?

♥ rn? schoolwork

109. Is something irritating you right now?

♥ schoolwork

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

♥ definitely

111. Do you have trust issues?

♥ yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

♥ uh my cat i think

113. What was your childhood nickname?

♥ hb

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

♥ yea! my fave state to go to currently is maryland. i love the temperature and the landscape and the fireflies.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

♥ sometimes!

118. Do you like Chinese food?

♥ one of my faves tbh

119. Favourite book?

♥ oof. that's a hard one. uhm. we were liars by e. lockhart.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

♥ yes.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

♥ no. lust at first sight, yea, but not love.

125. Do you believe in true love?

♥ maybe.

126. Are you currently bored?

♥ a lil.

127. What makes you happy?

♥ loved ones, animals, music, warm blankets.

129. What your zodiac sign?

♥ this is always a complex answer from me lmao. technically i'm a leo. but i was supposed to be born in october, not august. and i've always related more to scorpio (and pisces tbh lmao). so i always wanna say i'm a scorpio

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

♥ FF. IT'S SO DUMB I DON'T EVEN WANNA SAY. WORST TIME OF MY LIFE. sorry for caps

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

♥ closed

137. How tall are you?

♥ 4'11

138. Curly or Straight hair?

♥ on me? well long it's curly but it's short rn. it kinda still curls in some spots tho

139. Brunette or Blonde?

♥ naturally i'm a mix. or 'dirty blonde'

140. Summer or Winter?

♥ winter.

141. Night or Day?

♥ night

142. Favourite month?

♥ november

143. Are you a vegetarian?

♥ nahh. i enjoy meat too much

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

♥ milk chocolate is the only chocolate in my eyes

145. Tea or Coffee?

♥ mmm that's hard. i love earl grey tea but coffeeeeeeeeeeeee

146. Was today a good day?

♥ eh. i finished a class so yea

147. Mars or Snickers?

♥ snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

♥ ffffff idk tbh

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

♥ i am a ghost!!!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

♥ there's no book close to me and i couldn't find my fave which is stressing but i'll do this before looking for it so i'mma just use a random one. book is we all looked up, by tommy wallach. "he marched into the school and took the director aside, explaining that they had a strict rule in their house - curriculars before extracurriculars."

[skinks]

Pure Moments i want to remember about my conversation with nothing,nowhere the other night that will be of no importance to anyone else, but where else am i gonna put them huh, it’s my blog:

he had a fractured, or maybe it was a broken ankle? he broke it running and while on bedrest watched all of stranger things in two days. they made him take his cast off at customs lmao

likes synthwave. likes kavinsky!!!

i can’t get over this but he’s smol, like 5′5′’ or 6" maybe

when he first came over and hugged me he was like “aaaah you got the hoodie!” and i told him i had my reaper shirt on too and he said “oh you’re doubled up!!” skdfkjlskdj

it was a GOOD HUG MY DUDES no one arm dealio, no sir, he came at me with his arms out and we HUGGED. i probably said “hi, oh my god”

i think i managed to stutter about how amazing the set was and how much i loved the huge drums, and he was like “oh thanks yeah, we tried to make it-” and that’s when the others came over

one of them asked where the tour was headed next and he couldn’t remember so he went RUMMAGING down the front of his multiple huge layers til he found his lanyard, peered at it, and said “…. birming-ham?????” cute™

said “harry potter is sick” and then got really excited when we told him about the studio tour in london

has cute lil pointy TEETH

im p sure he’s vegan, and he’s big into nature and outdoorsy ecofriendly living, and talked about wanting to start a kind of sustainable community. said he’s rly interested in, and wants to teach bushcraft “and like…. chopping wood” but he said it so lamely after all the passion, it was funny as fuck. someone said he should visit the isle of skye and he was like “that sounds like something from skyrim!”

he said he saw us in the crowd cause we were being… Fairly enthusiastic

said his family are really supportive; i asked if his parents like his music and he got this really shy look and nodded, then told us he went home recently and opened the door to find them playing his album and he was like “mom you’re embarrassing me”

i mentioned this in my other post but i can’t believe we like the same fucking philosopher, how goddamn wanky is that

the other girl had done her own n,n print on her shirt and he took photos and when we were on the train home she got notifications saying he liked the posts on ig…. a sweetheart…

when we were talking about other soundcloud musicians i mentioned loving his collab with yung jza and he said “oh yeah, that dude is super underrated”

he told us his old rap name in like 2006 was “average joe” lmfhgkshfsk

he went to film school, and i saw an opportunity to ask him something i’d always wondered about. on this collab album he made with a producer called oilcolor, there’s a song that uses a sample from a movie, so i said “of all the movies, i was not expecting The Vow” and he started laughing and said “that was oilcolor! he was like ‘i think this’d be tight’ and i was like ‘hmmmmmmmmmm’ and he was like ‘nah trust me, this’ll be tight’ and i was like ‘…….yeah, this is tight’”

it was rly fuckin funny how he said it. saddest emotrap boy n,n thinks the vow starring channing tatum and rachel mcadams is tight

he’s made mountain dew commercials, but now he gets to make music full time which is awesome

i asked if he listened to metal and he said sometimes he skates to older stuff, like iron maiden, and he asked what i’m into and i promptly FORGOT EVERY METAL BAND I’VE EVER HEARD and i said “uhhh, like, more modern stuff” and he went “like gojira?” and i agreed and he said something else but i couldn’t hear

he likes the movies the revenant and captain fantastic

at one point we were talking about the merch (when i bought my hoodie the merch guy asked which shirt i had and i showed him, and he was like “aw man, i’m his friend and i don’t even have that one!” lmao) and i said that i liked the shirt his merch guy was wearing, and we were all peering over at the dude when he looked up, and n,n was like “we’re just making fun of you, don’t worry” jghskdgllhgfhafd

he used to do muay thai!!! i meant to ask if he liked martial arts movies but i forgot :’( next time fer sure

told us Xclusives about upcoming music, shhh

we talked about music a ton obviously and i mentioned this soundcloud rapper collective called disaster club cause i’ve been listening to both their songs all summer and he was like “disaster club? i’m in disaster club” and i thought i misheard him so i was like “wh-what? no fuckin way!”. he said something like, he’s on the producing side but he should try and get on a track and it blew my mind a little

he’s learning the piano, we were talking about making music and i said i played it and he was like “that’s so cool! i’m trying to learn”

he was just… so open about his life, for someone whose persona surrounding the music is so anonymous and defensive, it was really wonderful. plus he was super patient about photos and other ppl coming up to our little convo

one dude came up and was like “you’re welcome back any time, any venue, small venue, my house, my bedroom……… uh- my spare bedroom” and he just laughed and thanked him the dude was actually tungle user suppressyourdemons and in fact said: “ "You're welcome back to the uk at any time, your band can stay in my bedroom (then thought that sounded sketchy) so said spare bedroom" “ sorry i misquoted you my dude, joe was appreciative regardless

shdjjfjckfjsg I forgot that at one point my new pal cammy told him that he listens to his stuff at the gym and n,n was laughing cause his stuff is Sad and totally not workout music, and I was like "so people think you're sweating but it's actually tears?" and he laughed more. I stole that joke from a post about drake but whatever, it made him laugh 

OH YEAH i didn’t realise at the time but he signed my album by underlining his name with a lil reaper scythe… cause skully/reaper motif… idk that’s super goddamn adorable to me. i’m hugging it to my chest rn because two days later i’m still an emotional wreck

he gave my pen back and was like “that is a dope fuckin pen by the way” or something to that effect, then i DROPPED IT and he went to pick it up but he had a broked up foot so i did instead

i know this is all mundane as fuck to you if you’re reading this but i don’t waNT TO FORGET ANYTHING! nothing fuckin nowhere was gonna get my pen for me cause i’m a doofus! he hugged me twice lads! fuck!!

i asked what his favourite video was to make and we joked about the hearse in skully and he was like “yeah that’s just my regular car”

we were all talking at once about our favourite songs of his and i said “bedhead always makes me cry” and he was like “aw man, bedhead? that’s old school” and he looked pleased ;u; 

said he basically wears Hiking Dad clothes all the time

he was great at listening to everything we had to say, he would look and focus on each of us, just as interested in us as we were in him and i’m so so so soosososoo happy i got to experience all of this

fhskjglsgkj while we were talking about disaster club, for some tangential reason i mentioned kpop because one of the verses in a disaster club track starts by quoting exo’s kokobop, and before the word “kpop” was barely even out of my mouth he was like “shimmy shimmy kokobop?”

nothing,nowhere, who i think by now you know means a great deal to me, quoted exo lyrics at me. there’s a reason the whole night feels like a surreal hallucination and that’s why i’m writing all of this down

i mentioned how, when he still had a tumblr i’d written a post and he’d reblogged and replied to it AND HE REMEMBERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he was like “oh yeah, that was a long time ago!”

I KNEW IT WAS HIM WHEN THEY CAME ONSTAGE AT FIRST FOR TWO REASONS! (u gotta remember i’d never seen his face before except for his skullface in the skully video) he was wearing a misogi hoodie, who’s another great soundcloud producer, but the font was like a black metal band lmao. the second reason was his nose. a good nose

the boi’s got Incredible cheekbones. he’s cute as hell but then i’m biased

put his arm right round my shoulder for the photo so i did the same ahhhhhhhhh

i told him how, when i first started listening to his music my main thought was always “is this dude ok?!” and he told us he’s doing better and putting it all into the music and tbh it’s a relief, like. listening to his music has always been cathartic for me,but at the same time i’ve worried about whoever was behind all that pain, for him to be able to write so clearly about depression. but he’s doing well! he said so! i’m extremely glad!

we were talking about the next time he’d be back in the uk and i said hopefully i’d have an n,n tattoo by then and he laughed and said “i don’t even have one yet, and it’s my band! i need to get one”

then we were all joking about something and i said “when you get even bigger, don’t forget about us” meaning the three of us there and he was like “i won’t!”

then he thanked us so goddamn gratefully for coming and said he had to get his cast boot back on his ankle, and i know, i know i am AWARE of how juvenile this sounds but when he hugged us goodbye he hugged me first. i know i was to his immediate left, but it still left me warm and fuzzy

LIKE!!! if that’s how nice it feels to be hugged by someone you’re a fan of, someone to whom you’re, well, just a fan - hugging a s/o must be magical

i’ve hugged so many friends this year. and troy baker. AND NOTHING,NOWHERE! TWICE! 

ok bye

[scum-belina]

Well today was…a day. I’ve been cleaning my grandparent’s house almost non-stop the past few days, and today my aunt came over to help, and we got along pretty well, but me and her were outside a LONG time out in the heat gathering up loads and loads of old boxes, empty farm animal feed bags, and all kinds of other trash shit and burning it in a burn barrel. I honestly should just take up smoking now bc the amount of smoke we inhaled today probably fucked us up for good lol.

But when I came in, my mom was worried about me and said “why don’t you rest a bit and cool down, also please eat something because I know you’ve not are a thing all day” which she was right I just had coffee this morning and took off working, and when mom said this to me it was 4pm so yeah I should’ve ate something by then. But I told my mom I was fine and felt okay and I would rest and eat in a bit, but then my aunt chimed in and said “my God she’s 23!!! She can handle it!!!” And my mom got PISSED and said “shut up!” then my aunt said “no!” Of which my mom replied “yes!” Then my aunt just laughed nervously and my mom told her to kiss her ass so YEAH more drama. But I understand my mom getting pissed bc my aunt IS very bossy and overbearing, and my mom was only so protective over me bc of how my aunt and her daughter overworked me at the garage sale until I got mild heatstroke and still thought I was just being lazy.

But my mom is very tired of living here, as am I. She never clashed with her siblings like this when we lived in our own place, but since we’re staying at my grandparents, they feel like they have more of a say in our business and what we do, and they’re extremely rude about it and are very inconsiderate to me and my mom and all we’re going through. As soon as we’re financially able, we’re moving out into our new home aka my granny’s old house. But everyone thinks me and mom have no right to move and that we should just stay here and take care of my grandma’s horses while she takes care of my grandpa, and we are rn, but we can’t do this forever. We have our own lives to live too. My grandma chose hers, as did my mother’s siblings, so why can’t we live ours too???

My mother is exhausted here and isn’t treated right by her own family here. She’s already gone through enough trauma with dad getting crippling cancer, and then dealing with my suicidal, self-destructive self. She doesn’t need any more strife added onto her life, but her siblings think she just needs to “tough it out” and do what THEY want her to, and it disgusts me. She going to be 46 years old soon she shouldn’t be treated like she’s 5 years old by ANYONE. I’m really really upset and tired of how much of my family treats me and my mom literally like subhuman species just because we can’t drive. I’ve thankfully got the money to take driving classes and when things are more settled in our lives I will gladly take them.

This post is too damn long already but believe it or not there’s actually more negative shit going on than this but I won’t go into much else. My grandpa is back home, and is doing better than I thought, but is still very unwell. He’s very weak but he still tries to take care of himself the best he can. My grandpa has never been a person I’ve ever been fond of bc he’s usually a very mean and bitter man, but I do feel sorry for him rn.

My grandma is quite stressed at the moment, so I do not mind helping take care of her horses rn, but she’s admitted that they cost her too much now, and she just can’t take care of them now with how much help my grandpa needs now, but I’ll have to be the one to put them up for sale online for her, and idk if they’ll sell bc they’re all pretty old mini horses and she wants too much for them so idk. But they’ve got to get sold bc even me and mom can barely take care of them all in this heat.

My dad is still in the hospital and is doing alrightish. This time the chemo made him feel sick immediately so he’s had a rough few days, but he’s feeling a bit better today and I’ll see him tomorrow so that’ll be good. My asshole uncle will be at my grandparents a bit tomorrow to try and fix some of their plumbing, and I really hope he’s there while mom and I are visiting dad bc I want to avoid my uncle at all costs. He’s mean to my mom and really creeps me out.

One good thing tho: my aunt payed me a bit extra for all my cleaning…but only once she had found out I hadn’t eaten all day bc she was working me so much lol. Before then she was actually trying to put off paying me with all kinds of excuses smh but despite her often shitty behavior I still got paid $60 for all the cleaning and I intend on using it for things we need that my grandparents don’t usually buy.

Also one of my grandpa’s old friend and his wife came to see him today, and they’ve known me since I was little and today while I was talking with them they said I was so mature and very pretty and that was just nice idk. They were very supportive of my goal to become a language teacher in Japan and were impressed with how much better I was at socializing than I used to be lol.

TL;DR: things are still very rough here. Honestly I’ve thought seriously about killing myself at some point every day this week, but despite that I’ve still kept on, and hopefully dad will get approved for disability soon and we will be able to get out of here soon and live in our own home again. And then I’ll be more free to better pursue my dream career.