#sorry i've been such a downer today i am not having a good one

[lakemichigans]

if i ever get murdered in my own home it’s because i convinced myself i was hallucinating while someone literally breaks in

[giyrut-girlie]

(queer) jews in my phone i need help/love

this is a long ass post im so sorry lmfao, im putting it in under the cut to save you all but also if people have head space pls read <3

on friday night, i found myself the last of the shabbat guests (who weren't staying the night) at the Rabbi's house. i had asked my housemate to pick me up at 10:30, but everyone else left before 10.

the kids and rabbi's wife had gone to bed, so it was me, the Rabbi, and two older frum guys who stay over shabbat most weeks to be closer to shul.

for some context, earlier in the evening one of these guys had asked another dinner guest (a med student who I'm good friends with, she's a year or two younger than me) whether trans issues came up in her study. the two of us youngins made brief "help me" eye contact and she answered saying that yes, they did cover trans issues given that as a doctor she will, at some point or another, treat trans patients. the subject was changed, but the room was a bit tense.

so: 10pm, i'm sitting at the table, a little tipsy from all the wine, just hanging out until my ride comes.

the rabbi says "hey ella, i have a question for you now that everyone else (by which he means the not-so-frum people) is gone." and i Just Knew what he was about to ask.

i won't go into extreme detail about the actual conversation, but to sum it up: I was asked my opinion on trans folk, i said that i am supportive and do in fact believe trans people about their identities and was Shut All The Way Down. if i cited statistics i was told that actually they'd seen the opposite, if i tried to explain a study i was familiar with, i was told that they didn't think that was true. i actually don't know how i stayed calm, bc my mind and body were telling me that i was Unsafe basically the entire time (thanks anxiety disorder really did me a solid there /s).

eventually 10:30 rolled around and i had a get out of jail free to skip the rest of that fuck awful conversation, and my housemate was very nice to listen to my debriefing. while talking to her i came to the realisation that one of the main factors in the disagreement was that the rabbi didn't actually value the wisdom of any cultures/teachings/histories outside of judaism. if I talked about sistergirls of the torres strait, or māhū of hawai'i, that was dismissed essentially as goyische nonsense.

this whole conversation has been a Fucking Downer for my mental health. i actually broke shabbat (beyond my usual one melacha to be in the clear and sneaky housemate taxi service) that night bc my thoughts were racing too much to sleep without putting on some comfort media.

but beyond the mental health stuff (though probably actually very related) i've found myself really struggling with judaism since friday night. having my rabbi, who has been helping me through conversion, and who i have really valued as a teacher, and the only two other frum people in the community be so overtly transphobic all at once has really taken me for a spin. like, my rabbi is a lubavitcher, i knew that he was going to be fairly conservative about some stuff, but he literally told me that he only uses the correct pronouns for one of our community members as a "personal favour", and essentially told me that she was good evidence against trans acceptance bc nothing she could ever do would ever make her not a man (and you better believe this involved a lot of comments about her appearance)

to put the icing on the cake, when i dropped off his kids today (i nanny for them once a week), he handed me a book that upon research is basically the jk rowling talking point bible. he said to me that it was a really good book for me to read and that it might help fight some of the "mob mentality" (interesting term for scientific consensus but okay)

(also i had actually looked up my own citations from the discussion later and found myself to be very much correct in my recitation of statistics, but you better believe i wasn't petty enough to forward them on)

ANYWAY if anyone is still reading i'm fucking bummed and super anxious about interacting with my community, my conversion, finding the balance between really truly wanting to pursue an orthodox lifestyle and also being queer myself etc etc

i live in a really small jewish community and can't really leave until i finish my degree in 2026, so i can't exactly just find a more accepting rabbi or shul.

anyone have any advice, or just some solidarity for feeling shitty in this space? love u jews in my phone xx

[justaredheadf1fan]

First one in the US is here

Well, hiyah!

That gif made sense seeing all the spectacle going on in Miami since yesterday. Not a fan, but what can I do?

I'm starting to think about stopping this blog not even halfway through the season. Just because with a job with such random shifts and maybe only 2-3 free weekends (Barcelona being one of them since we're attending once again) until I'm done in October keeping it up seems kinda tedious ngl. I'll see what I decide in the next few weeks, I'm still getting used to the adult life again 🤣

Press conference - Thursday

I haven't really paid attention to what was said in the pressers, plus they didn't talk about anything interesting whatsoever.

The most interesting thing was about last weekend's drama between George and Sid the Sloth due to Crofty's question. George really is a mood right now. I mean, it was just an inchident, problem with a certain someone is still that he can't take it when someone pulls the same crap as he normally does.

But that's about it. Maybe tomorrow I'll pay more attention, but there's no promises.

Free Practice 1 - Friday

Well, in all honesty, I've watched the first session without watching it. I was drying my hair while FP1 was on and I didn't really pay attention.

There was some trouble for George apparently that they had to fix before he got back on track, the track is almost brand new since they changed the shitty ass tarmac so they all needed to try different set ups to see what works and what doesn't in this new bore of a circuit. Nothing new, all in all.

Hülkengberg did crash with like 20 or 25 minutes to go and the session was Red Flagged immediately. Quick job for once, wish the FIA took it this seriously every single time.

Other than that, the only interesting enough information is having George, Lewis and Sharl respectively on the Top 3. What a sight for sore eyes, am I right? 🥹

It might be a little too late to watch FP1 but I need to take advantage of the free Friday although I'm getting up early tomorrow for work...

Free Practice 2 - Friday

Okay, not the day to watch F1, truth be told. I'm getting ready for bed while I watch FP2 🤣 I'm being so unserious today it's actually funny. Anywho.

Grape Scotch (this reference might be too "obscure"), that save from Kevin!!!!! He missed the wall by less than nothing, phew!!!

Besides that especial someone having troubles with his car's insides, the rest has been really quiet. Even though I've been busy while watching, I've been paying more attention to this one, all for nothing.

SHARL AGAINST THE WALL, NOT AGAIN!!!!!!

Geez, thank goodness it was close to the end and nothing else happened. What a bore. When I wanted some excitement I didn't mean my boy crashing!!!

Anywho, more tomorrow. I might die of lack of sleep but I'll watch from my grave then 🤣

Free Practice 3 - Saturday

Ladies and gents, I'M NOT PAYING ATTENTION. You could say that I dislike this GP and you'd be right. It's not interesting, DRS zones have been shortened, nothing's going on. You name it.

I mean, there's really no point in watching this atm. I couldn't be any more bored. This race for me looks more like a circus than a sport. Well, nowadays all of them are, but Miami is the worst representation. It's more important having celebrities and events unrelated to the sport than the actual race weekend. It's sad. I miss the old F1 so much.

It's been painful to write this crap of a "summary", because you can't even call it that. So unmotivating 🤣

I'm sorry this is such a downer, not proud of it. But I feel like if I don't even try and watch it all and make a post and everything I'd be failing my resolution toward this blog.

Anyway, I'll watch Quali later. I hope it's more interesting. I really hope it is.

Peace out!

[anavatazes]

Today is not a good day.

As some of you know, back in May, I lost my mother. She was 87. And the last five years of her life were not the easiest. Her health had taken several turns for the worst, and I wish I had known what I know now. But, I can't turn the clock back, and though I can hold a grudge like nobody's business, there is no point here, and it would upset Mom. So, not doing it.

Today would have been her 88th Birthday. She was predeceased by her husband of 51 years, my father, on their wedding anniversary. They had 7 kids, 13 grands, and 12 great-grands.

I am spending today helping my brother with her estate to make sure he gets what he needs. It's brother #3, the one who came just before me. We're the babies of the bunch. The GenXers. He is not using a lawyer because of bad experiences in the past with family and lawyer, so, between him, me, and sister #2, we're making sure everything gets done on the up and up, and with as few headaches and drama as possible. With as much of a headache as NYS can be at times, with its court systems, it's actually simplified a lot of stuff, and made it easier for Joe Blow off the street to get shit done. It also helps that Mom's estate is small, so it's just formalities at this point.

Big sis is helping more on the legal side, and I am helping on the tax side. And he is using us both as sounding boards. As with any family, you have your drama queens. We have one major one that likes to make herself out to be the victim, and then alienate herself from everyone, but then says she takes the higher ground because her shit don't stank. 🤷‍♀️ All I know is I am following my conscience and Mom's wishes. Before she became really sick and her mind started going, she and I had a talk. Originally, she had things set up with one of my daughters being her heir. Long story there, that I am not getting into. Anyway, by this time, my brother had already stepped up and was taking care of Mom, moved her in his place, making sure she was being taken care of, etc. She began a sentence with, I was thinking changing the life insurance...

I cut her off and said, if you are changing it to brother #3, that's a wonderful idea, and you should do it! She was afraid that I would be upset with her, and I reassured her that I saw what my brother was doing, and it was what I wanted to, but was unable to at the time. He deserved it all, seeing as he was giving up his life, and in the last 5 years of her life, he really gave up his life for her.

I never looked back and decided to change my mind. Even with having an idea of how much money is left. I told my brother I didn't want to know. It was between him and Mom. And that if he didn't use some of that money to live a little, I would kick his ass.

He and I may have fought like no tomorrow when we were kids, driving that poor woman up the fucking wall, but he's my brother, and with all the shit he's been through, and done, he deserves all the live and respect I can muster for him. Especially knowing the things I know now.

Mom had a form of dementia called Sun Downers. Look it up, I'm not gonna explain it. To difficult to right now. But, Mom could remember her life up to 1955 clear as day. Anything after 1955 came in bits and bobs. She didn't even remember brother #3 at all. She confused him with brother #1 or with Dad often. On his last birthday with her, she looked at him and told him that she knows she's supposed to know him, knows she's his mother, and wishes she could remember. And that she was sorry.

He couldn't bring himself to me what was really happening, and I was upset at him for it, but we made our peace. He was hurting and was trying to protect himself. I can't blame him for that. Gods know I've pulled shit like that. Trust me, we've made our peace. If we didn't, I wouldn't even be telling anyone this stuff right now. And recall what I said about grudges. I am a Cancer.

So, I will pour a drink for her and one for the ancestors today. And call my brother. Already talked to my mother's sister. That wasn't easy. She wasn't able to go to the funeral due to health. Told her I will be carting her ass up to NY soon so she can visit the family cemetery.

[timeoverload]

I just wanted to say that I'm not upset anymore about what happened last weekend. I honestly don't have the energy to be angry about anything right now. I realize I never said anything else about it so I'm sorry. I apologize for freaking out. I figured it would be best if I took some time to calm down anyway.

I don't want to be a downer but I'm having a bad week again. I could use a hug right now. I need to talk about stuff because I was having bad thoughts when I was driving home. It has been super busy. Everything is a disaster. Every morning this week I've walked in to find a mess. There are 4 people off this week so that has made things worse. Of course everyone is in a shitty mood and pissed off. I worked 11 hours Monday and Tuesday and 12 today. Almost everyone has been forced to work overtime.

The new computer system isn't making anything easier because it crashes all the time and there are a lot of problems with it. The morning team lead was super pissed off about it this morning. He was throwing a tantrum and yelling. He was trying to record the results for a biological test and the system wouldn't let him because no one logged the information for the control when they put it into the incubator. I was trying to get him to calm down and all he needed to do was put a new control vial into the incubator but he wouldn't listen to me. I offered to open decontam for him because I wanted an excuse to get away even though I still had a ton of stuff to get set up. I get anxious whenever I'm around someone acting aggressively even if their frustration isn't directed towards me.

I think everyone is super tired and people are making a lot of mistakes so we had to flash a bunch of instruments earlier. Somehow I haven't made any major mistakes considering I'm very sleep-deprived so that's good at least.

I remember mentioning a while back that 2 of my co-workers are dating and they fight all the time. It hasn't gotten any better. Today she came up to me and asked me how to get away from an abusive partner because she knew I had been in a similar situation. I was shocked because I didn't realize it was that bad but everything is starting to make sense now. She's dating the same guy that acted really creepy towards me a few months ago. He has always given me bad vibes and I was right not to trust him. He's very manipulative and controlling. I gave her advice and reminded her that she can text me any time. I am going to do my best to help her as much as I can. I'm not afraid to tell him to fuck off if I have to because I've already done it once. It's going to be difficult for her to get away from him since they work the same hours. I'm just glad they don't live together but I really hope he doesn't do anything crazy. I feel horrible for her and no one deserves to get treated that way. I hope things get better for her.

Anyway, the past few days have been a blur. I am glad tomorrow is my Friday. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through the day but I know I will. I don't want to think about it anymore right now.

I know I need to try to relax but I'm having a tough time. I can't shut my brain off. I haven't been eating enough this week so it's making me feel like shit too. I wish I had more of an appetite. I will force myself to eat something soon. I am so achy right now. My neck is bothering me a lot and it feels like someone is stabbing needles into my vertebra. I just want to feel better.

I'm sorry for being so negative and complaining so much. I have to talk about stuff so I don't explode.

I still have a lot to do before I go to bed unfortunately. I hope I can get stuff done quickly because I need to try to decompress for a while. I can't focus anymore so I should probably stop writing now. It would be nice if I could go to sleep at a decent time because I'm so tired.

Thank you all for listening to me vent. I really appreciate it. I hope everyone has a wonderful day tomorrow. 💖💖💖

[wistfulwisp]

Hello Wisp,

A short story for you: I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months yesterday. It was mutual, the relationship had been going downhill for the last few months and we both agreed we just weren't compatible. I've had a few breakups that left me torn up inside for weeks and residual pain from the memories for months - fortunately this isn't that, but despite knowing I gave everything I could without changing who I feel I am, there's still a loneliness and that pesky 'when will I find the one' feeling.

Then, last night my family got the call that my Grandfather (in the hospital for his fifth round of chemo) is in a critical state and may not make it out this time. I've never been close with my grandfather, but he's still family and his whole cancer journey has been really hard on my parents.

I think I'm just feeling a little shell-shocked from it all. I didn't expect all that to happen within 24hrs despite seeing both of those things coming eventually.

And I don't want to be a downer - I'll be fine again given some time. I know having the opportunity to live requires the opportunities for heartbreak and death too. I just wanted to share.

I hope that doesn't bring you down today. There's still a lot of love and hope and life in the world to enjoy. :) Thanks for reading my story

Heyo! Firstly this definitely doesn’t bring me down, I’m glad you wrote in and shared your story. I am sorry for your losses… I dunno, I always get this sense that this universe knows when you’re at your most malleable and will shove all of its life-changing events into that period. It sucks but it gives you a chance to create something in your life you never saw coming, kinda sad and good at the same time. The world is cruel and random and these things happen, the scary part is admitting you can do whatever you want with this new path that’s carved out.

[subtletruamadumping]

Suicide Jokes aren't Funny when You're Suicidal in a Room Full of People Who Aren't

______________________________________________________________

This conversation didn't happen... at least, not exactly like this. However, the coaches are incredibly nosey and ask a lot of personal questions, then get upset when they hear the answer. Sorry, my life is a downer, Karen.

TW: Graphic Mentions of Suicidal Ideation, Transphobia, Homophobia

Date Written: June 22, 2022

______________________________________________________________

Behind the front desk of the skating rink, all the figure skating coaches are putting on their skates gossiping, tying up their hair, whatever needs to be done before their lessons begin. Of course, I was along with them. I had a lesson that I had to teach today. I don't exactly remember what we were talking about, but I started to make “back in my day'' comments and jokes about how my age was affecting my joints. 

All the more professional coaches, the ones who have been doing it for 20 plus years, the ones that were surrounding me, laughed.

“You're not old.” They say “How long have you been doing this? Two years? You're not old. Trust me, when you get to my age. You can say you're old.”

My face is down by my boots, making sure the laces are tight so I don't ruin my ankle again, as the words fall out of my mouth, without me stopping to ponder if maybe I should really say this. 

“Yeah. Well, I didn't think I'd make it this far.”

Dead Silence. I mean really what did I expect them to say to that? These are the kind of jokes you make to yourself around friends who have the same kind of ideation. You don't say it around people you barely know. Barely even co-workers really. 

I can feel the most nosy of them staring at me. She always tries to play everything off as a laugh though. So she says, 

“Oh really? What did you have, like a plan or something?”

Again, I probably should have thought before I spoke, but honesty is the best policy, right? That's what my parents always taught me. And so I answered her.

“16”

There's another brief pause and I continue to lace up my skates. 

“16 was the first time I tried to drown myself in the shower, 

I mean. 

I really wasn't. 

It really wasn't the best plan. It didn't really make any sense in the shower. Sure, the tub didn't drain properly. So there was always at least six inches of standing water and I would just lay down and let the water slowly flow up over. And I would just lay there and slowly let the water flow up around me so like covering my mouth and my nose. But I mean, really, human instinct probably would have stopped me, right?”

I'm joking again, but I have such a dry voice that I don't know if the room knows I am or not. They're still quiet and I still keep my head down because I don't really want to look at them after what I've been saying. I decided I need to clarify a little bit.

“I mean, I always took a shower first and my sister always came in behind me so she always, you know, said something or did something that would stop me. You know, I was always okay in the end.”

This seemed to calm the nerves of the room, a little bit, but it didn’t last long. It was as if I was possessed. My mouth kept moving, my brain had gone entirely numb and I was not in control of my words anymore. 

“After that, my plan was 17.” I blurted out. 

I don't know why I was still talking. I should have stopped after that. I had already made the room awkward enough. 

“But, you know, 17 came and went,” I continued “As much as I hated living with my parents I finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I turned 18 and I moved out. I started figure skating.” I gave a little bit of a laugh as I tied the last Loop and my laces and moved on to my next boot. “I mean, figure skating was the first thing I had done for myself that I really enjoyed in such a long time. I had my own car and found a job. Everything was okay. But, you know, Life is hard and rent, it's not cheap.

So, 18 came and went and I was by myself and feeling good and then 19 came. And that bottle of pills just looked so enticing. 

I was coming to terms with being bi, I was coming to terms with maybe not being a woman. I had my first ever relationship and it promptly ended when he cheated on me with my only friend at the time. 

I was late almost every month on rent. They were threatening to evict me every single month. 

And all I could hear in my head was my mom's words, echoing. You're going to regret leaving like this.

‘You're going to need me someday. 

You can't possibly do this all by yourself. You're weak, you're worthless. 

You would be better off dead. I would be better off if you had never been born.’ “

I know they probably wanted to leave but nobody dared to move as I continued monologuing. I was being an asshole. I knew it. This wasn't their problem. I shouldn't be telling them this. I knew they'd probably think I was just seeking sympathy; being overdramatic. But I had been wanting to say this kind of shit for a long time and I knew if I said it in therapy she would put me in an institution.

“But, you know, things got better.” I said with a little bit more cheer in my voice, “I got better friends, who actually cared about me. I obviously broke up with that cheating bastard. For a while I was feeling really good. I had some of my first skating competitions and won Gold. I was feeling so proud of myself.  Twenty years old, I was doing so good. At 21 years old, I actually had a stalker but I was mentally equipped to handle it. 

I handled it like a champ. 

I didn't even think about offing myself. 

But then I moved away from those good friends who made me feel so right. The ones who comforted me. The ones who made me feel sane. I moved up here to where I am now.”

I gestured, as if, the rink was the whole city that I had moved to, 

“I was alone in a brand-new City that I had never been to. I came to take care of my sister, but she doesn't want anything to do with me since I…” There was a brief pause. 

“She hasn't talked to me since I came out. So, I was stuck in the city away from everyone that actually cared about me. And that's when I met my ex, the one who used to do such horrible things to me. And then covid happened and I was trapped with him 24/7. Yes, I would go to work and stuff. But I couldn't skate anymore. I had to stay with him every single day, I had to listen to him talk about, brag about, what he would do to me. I had to sit there and just take it. 

At this point though, I didn't really have a date, I was set on. No more of this ‘I bet I'll be dead by the time I turned 17’ bullshit. No. Now that I was 22. Things were a little bit different. Now, it was, if I get pregnant, I'll kill myself. 

If he tries to hit me, I'll kill myself. 

If he tells me he's going to kill himself, I'll just kill myself first.”

“Oh but yeah you got out of that relationship, right?” One of the coaches offers up. “Remember when you said that you broke up with him a few months ago?” 

��Yeah, that's true,” I answer as I finish lacing up the last skate “and I'm talking to my friends back at my home town way more often. So that's good for me too. And you know, I started hockey and that's been fun. It’s been hard and everything but I've been doing my best.”

I finally look up at all these coaches who are staring at me, as should have been expected. I give them a shrug and sigh.

“It's not nearly as bad as it was,” I tell them, “But I think we need to remember that. This is a journey and I'm still in the middle of it. 

And times are still hard right now. 

Being alive is a scary situation at the moment. Every day in the news, I'm hearing about horrible things that happen to people like me. Occasionally my grandma, or my mom or my sister will text me to remind me how much of a sinner, how dirty and disgusting they think I am. 

I'm constantly seeing lawmakers try and take away my rights just because they don't like the idea of what I am. Just because they're so insecure and who they are. That they have to take it out on me.  Having this kind of shit, bog down your mind every single day. It's tiring. And sometimes it seems like the best way is to take a permanent route out. Eternal Slumber and all that. But honestly, at the moment, the things keeping me going.  Are knowing that there are people out there like me. That needs an example. 

I might not be perfect. 

But I can show others that there is some hope out there. 

Surviving might not be thriving. But surviving is resistance. 

My survival is a protest. Happy Pride.”

One of the coaches awkwardly clasps her hands and gives a nervous laugh. 

“Well I guess it's time for me to get out on the ice.” She quickly ducks her head out of the room and many of the others follow suit. I'm shortly behind them. I don't want to get stuck with the others that are lingering and get asked a bunch of questions. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just kept it to myself. 

But keeping that kind of shit locked up, is kind of what got me here in the first place, isn't it?

[fandomscombine]

Heartbreak Woman [Cho/Cedric Ending]

Warning: Angst! Brokenhearted!Reader

WC:1454

I proposed 3 varying endings and the response was across the board so I decided why the heck not write ALL 3 choices!

a/n: I haven't been active on tumblr this past month. Motivation to read & write wasn't really there. Feelin pretty crap. I don't think it's my best work- I actually wrote this ending last month but delay posting it since I promised to post all 3 endings back to back- but with the recent burnout, my progress is slow. Proofread it and push the insecurities & anxieties away and here we are. Love was put into this, I hope you enjoy it! Don't worry, the other 2 endings are on the way.

I tried posting this 9 times now and it keeps saying error. this is me testing it with mobile so formatting is hard but I hope it posts

BG: You were hoping that your best friend, Cedric to ask you to the Yule Ball. Instead you were roped into helping him ask Cho out. It broke your heart, but at least this way while helping him out you could pretend that he was doing all the sweet things to you. On the other side of the picture, Harry was too heartbroken upon learning that Cho is going out with Cedric.

Read the main story before it diverges ending here!

>>>Heartbreak Woman [Main]

>>>MASTERLIST<<<

 

Did Harry Potter really just ask you out and you said yes?

Touching your forehead, it wasn’t bleeding anymore but there is still a slight sting to it from the collision with Harry’s broom. Yes. That definitely happened. You thought to yourself, this isn’t some delusion from the injury.

 This is good. This is good. Hyping yourself up. You enjoy his company and that should be enough to stop your thoughts from going about a certain Hufflepuff boy. The same boy you had abruptly left alone in the greens. It’s not his fault nor it is Cho’s for wanting to date each other. You have nothing against them, they are both such lovely and kind people and not to mention popular- it was only a matter of time that they got together, Hogwarts’ Power Couple.

No, it’s just you and your stupid feelings falling for your best friend and agreeing to help with the courtship.

‘Y/n? Hii.” The voice reels you back to reality.

You blinked. “Cho! Hi!” Greeting her loudly had been taken by surprise. You dial down your volume. “What can I do for you?”

“It’s actually what you did, really… I just wanted to say thank you.”

You were confused, why was she thanking you?

“For helping Cedric I mean” She clarified. “He mentioned that you helped him with the picnic idea. It was very sweet. It was what made me finally say yes.”

“That’s awesome.” You force yourself to smile. “I’m glad you guys are together, I can finally get that git to stop bothering me with date ideas. That’s 3 weeks of my life I’m not getting back!” There was some truth to that statement, now that she and Cedric are together you don’t have to go through the pain of practice dates with Cedric.

“You y/n are the absolute wingwoman! Legend material!” Cho praised. “You're like my fairy godmother!” She continues, wrapping you into an embrace.

“yayyyy….That’s me…” You mumble into her luscious hair. Grateful that Cho couldn’t see your face.  Pulling apart, you don’t let her go quite yet. With hands on her shoulder, you stare unwavering. “Just don’t break his heart yea? He’s really smitten by you, promise you won’t hurt him.”

Cho is taken aback a bit, your words clearly coming from a strong emotional bond with the boy.  Thoughts of love, Eros, passed through her mind but brushed it away - It can’t be y/n help them get together. Y/n’s words must come from Philia love, y/n and Cedric had been best friends since before they could talk! Everyone knows that. They have a soul connection that can’t be replicated.  “I promise.”

~

14th February.

Valentine’s Day.

This holiday sucks.

No, not for the reason that you’re single. Nah.

Today is a downer as you won’t be able to do your annual tradition.

See every since 3rd year you and Cedric would be in a pink ensemble outfit complete with red heart sunglasses. Spreading chants of self love and showering fellow single students and professors with compliments. This all started out when your roommates teased you for not having a date for Valentine’s day.  When Cedric had heard about it, he went all out. The boy basically made sure that every single person knew how wonderful, beautiful and intelligent you are.

It was this day onwards that 2 things happened.

Complementing and advocating for self love, Philautia, in a pink get up became an annual Valentine’s tradition. (Even a couple of students joined the cause, expanding from you just both into an association/group of sorts.)

 You started to see Cedric in a new light. In other words, you were falling in love with your best friend.

Scanning the Great Hall for pink cladded pupils, you were glad that the group had saved you a seat however a certain Hufflepuff was out of sight. Taking a deep breath, you cleared your head. Get it together y/n. Today is about sharing love and do NOT think about Cedric and Cho going on a romantic date in Hogsmeade.

You were about to take a step forward when-

“Argh!” Shutting your eyes as the hall spun around.

“Relaxx!! Relax! It’s just me.”

Feet back on solid ground, you turned towards the perpetrator, the one boy you did not want to see right now. “What the fuck Ced! Don’t scare me like that!”

“I’m sorry…” Cedric raises his arms in surrender. “Is everything alright?”

“Yea everything’s fine.”

Cedric raises a brow. You forget that this boy can see through your bullshit.

“Only had a couple hours of sleep, that’s all.” It wasn’t a lie, in fact you’d only gotten 3 hours of rest last night, it was just the case of omitting that his upcoming date with Cho was the reason for your restlessness. You don’t want to blame it on jealousy, but it is.

Grabbing hold of your hand, he pulls you towards the group. "Alright then, I've got some spare sleeping potion if you need."

You wave to your fellow singles as you sit down."uh..thanks Ced." You couldn't stop vocalizing your confusion as to why Cedric is still right next to you. Normally you wouldn't complain, but today was Valentine's Day.

"Ouch y/n!" Cedric sassed, eyes focused on piling food onto his plate." Just because I have a girlfriend now doesn't mean I would disappear on my best girl."

My best girl. It hurts to be called that in another context than you wanted.

"Don't you have a date with Cho today?"

"Yea but Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop  doesn't open until 11am. Which gives me time for our annual Valentine's tradition!"

"But you're taken."

"Yes….but I could still help spreading the love!" Cedric glanced around. "No one minds that I come to join you right?"

A murmur of Nos filled your eyes.

"Haha! See I told you!" Cedric brags, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Looks at you straight in the eyes, those gorgeous grey irises melting away your defenses."You can't get rid of me that easily." He whispers, loud enough only for you to hear. You could feel the heat filling up your face due to his closeness. Too busy lost in the rapid beats of your heart, you failed to notice his face getting even closer.

A softness like cotton grazes your cheek.

Cedric kissed you!

Your mind is close to being short circuited. The area of where Cedric's lips were a nanosecond ago is cold as ice. The cold contrasted with your now burning hot, blushing face.

You could live in this forever. All external environments quiet, blocked out of focus. Cedric's arms around you while the butterflies in your stomach bursts out, occupying your whole body with sheer giddiness from having his lips on you.

But the daydream breaks.

"Hey Love! You ready?"

"Morning!" He greets, kissing her. "Uh…" It's only 9:34am. You nod, silently telling him that it was okay to miss your annual tradition. You weren't expecting any quality time today, yet he managed even if it was just for breakfast. "Yea.. give me 10 minutes to go change and I'll pick you up at the courtyard?"

"Sounds great. Be quick cause I miss you already!"

"Sure will sweetheart." He pecks her lips again then waves goodbye to the table and he's off, running.

The tension changes once Cedric is gone.

"Can I talk to you outside y/n?"

"uh yeah" Once outside. "What's up?" Trying to sound casual. Cho inviting you to speak privately isn't usual-seeing that you were the couple's go to accomplice for surprises.

"I see the way you look at him."

"I'm sorry?"

"I know.you like him. y/n. I know you like Cedric."

"Cho.. you can't be serious, he's my best friend!"

"I wasn't sure then.but just now..the way you act around him. the way you look at him. y/n is undeniable. It’s  so obvious-I had assumptions then but everyone just brushes it off as your childhood friend with each other. heck even both of you say that."

"Cho…."

"I didn't bring this up before because I felt insecure, jealous even that I can't live up to the standard of relationship you and Cedric have.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. There were too many revelations bombarding you all at once, that you are having trouble processing what is going on.

“But I am tired of what ifs and worrying.” Voice quivering, she continues. “You've got to tell him, y/n."

The words snap you back into place.

"Cho… I can't. I can't ruin your relationship."

If you love someone and they love someone else, you let them go.

~

Everything Taglist :@gruffle1

HP Taglist:@onlyfreds

Heartbreak woman Tagist:

@joalinbenefits @the-natureofme @romanoffs-heart @justmesadgirl @plumso @gleefulleve @wolf-phoenix-lover @ceofcedric @savvy7392 @cedricsfluffyhair @thewayilookatbacon @LIONLIKEWOLFLIKE @mellifluous-cosmos

[punkdooley]

just a little truthful rant

my brain hasn't been 100% lately. i've been tired again. i've been snippy again, mostly due to the insane weather. i've been more anxious than usual. i've had bouts of my depression again. whether i take my medications or not it just seems like my spark isn't there lately. i'm already planning to try and put it out there to my psychiatrist that maybe i need a different dose yet again. i've realized holiday season is creeping in, the worst time of year for my family. i'm just not sure what to do. i hate being a downer to my best friends. constantly bitching about every little thing in my life. even my bestest friend has made it a point that i am overthinking and making a big deal out of things lately that i shouldn't be. i'm just paranoid. my feelings have been getting hurt way too easily again. my anger and annoyance with everything is getting out of hand again. my overall attitude. if i could i'd get out. go somewhere and get away. but unfortunately i have people and animals here that need me. almost 25 fucking years old and it just feels like i'm at a stand still. i have no clue what to do about anything, i stress over everything which just makes my mental health 10x worse. i'm not looking for sympathy or advice or whatever. i just wanna get my thoughts out. i can't stand people constantly telling me they're sorry for whatever the hell i'm going through one day or the next. right now i just want one of my best friends by my side, as proud of her as i am that she just got yet another amazing job. and i want the other to just let me know that they're okay. i fucked shit up with them big time, for the millionth time today. and i ate it. i just hope we end up okay. even if it means another set back for a couple days. as much as i tell them, both the friend with the job and the friend i messed up with, i still don't think they realize just how fucking much i love them. and need them. and am afraid to no fucking end that i'm gonna lose them both again because i don't know how to shut the fuck up and just take care of myself. i love you. have a good night/day/afternoon. whoever you are, and wherever you're reading this at whatever time. stay safe.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 5 "Pumpkin Patch" (Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

The theme was "Let Them Eat Cake," so my dad bought me this foreclosed McMansion down the street, and, like, 500 of my closest friends came dressed in 18th century attire, and, oh, the pool was filled with this, like, caviar slurry. And then at midnight, we just burnt the house down. When the firefighters came, they were actually strippers, and they put out the fire with champagne.

So walk me through this, honey.

Well, as you can see, every pumpkin in the patch is artisanal.

Then we move past the ice sculptures of demonic peeing cherubs, and yes, they will all be peeing vodka and Red Bull.

I'm sorry. Corn maze?

It's just that doing an exact replica maze from The Shining would have taken us way over budget on man power alone.

I told you money was no object.

Well, apparently, one of them died or something.

Do you have any idea what's at stake here?

Okay, well, it's not my fault that some guy died in the '70s.

I am tired of your sad-sack, I'm-a-total-downer-all-the-time schtick.

I'm over it!

Oh, my God, why are you so depressed?

Why do I have to be the homely one?

Just a second, nutbag.

God, do I have to spell it out for you?

You're a weird, psycho lunatic who's gonna end up in an asylum somewhere, staring at a wall, trying to nurse a watering can.

That's it! I can't take this anymore!

That is such a Mary Todd Lincoln thing to say.

You scream "I'm done with you" kind of a lot, and yet you're still standing here.

I think you know you have a good thing going.

You get to bask in my starlight as I do all the work and you get to grumble behind my back about how disrespected you are.

There's the door.

There's the door, bitch!

You did not deserve to be spoken to like that. Ever.

That is bollocks!

Clearly this fake kidnapping is a play to get the sympathy vote. So Gone Girl.

This is the biggest candle night of the year!

I hate you right now!

Halloween is the greatest night of the year. Greatest night. Because on this night, even kind of shy, kind of homely girls dress up like total sluts. I mean, every costume is just a slutty version of something. Slutty teacher, slutty nurse, slutty nun. I saw a girl last year dressed as slutty al-Qaeda!

See, Halloween it's a night for dudes with killer bods to walk around with our shirts off. And it's totally appropriate, as long as we call ourselves gladiators, Chippendales.

I have no idea how you got into this college.

Look, we'll just hang out and play charades!

This cannot be happening!

Hey, what about Black Hairy Tongue Disease? I mean, does nobody here care about Black Hairy Tongue?

What about my pumpkin patch?

I blame you for this.

[NAME], nice boobs.

Join me in saying you are not afraid!

Just baking some cookies for the neighborhood trick-or-treaters.

Uh, they're toenail cookies.

Pink fur coats worn in all weather, my idea. Flapper dresses made out of feathers, also my idea. Oversized sunglasses worn everywhere, my idea, my idea, my idea!

So why are you baking toenail cookies and giving them to children?

Okay, whose side are you on?

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I'm what you call

a "switch-hitter."

Wait, are you bisexual? Because that's what "switch-hitter" means.

Do you mean "double agent"?

What are you writing?

Do you know how big Halloween is in the candle community?

Is this an ant farm?

There's a mom ant, Deborah, who mostly just lies around and she has about 100 husband ants, who come around and give it to her good, which she really enjoys. And then there's about a million sterile daughter ants who feed her and are her slaves. So, an ideal family.

She'd win. And then I'd beg to be her second-in-command, while quietly pull the strings behind the scenes like Dick Cheney.

This plan involves a lot of circuitous logic.

Oh, my God! Those are, like, $100 each!

They're the highest quality candles that can be purchased retail.

What a brilliant and revolutionary idea.

Are you cheating?

This is a clear violation of the honor code.

You must be new here.

Who are you calling?

I'm gonna get you fired.

At least you wore something nice today.

Remember to smile for your mug shot.

I'm burping uncontrollably like Robert Durst.

They'll know I'm guilty!

I'm next in line and in charge here.

You can sum up my viewpoint on this with one word; indifference.

We are her only hope.

Sometimes, in order for a person to achieve their full potential, they have to do things on their own.

I am in charge here!

I love that you're a man.

This is the most sensual song ever written.

We need to do this right now!

I just saw her boobs.

Oh, a salad date is, it's like, it's more casual than dinner, but more formal than coffee.

Whose pants are these?

You know, you're a human being with feelings and needs, right?

Enough about me and my confusion and sad dead feeling inside.

It just really hurt my feelings.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure my so-called friends are the ones that turned me in so I'm just feeling, like, super alone right now.

Man, I am your biggest Instagram fan!

I just think you are a style genius.

I will never be able to repay you for the kindness you've shown me in here.

Besties for life, I say.

Your bail's been posted.

I knew you'd bail me out.

Can I just say what a relief it is to be able to share it with somebody and not feel judged?

You know, I mean, all my girlfriends are like, "That's immoral." "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Ashamed? What the hell you got to be ashamed for?

You should be proud.

I could've lost my job.

I mean, it lasted, like, 45 seconds, and the whole time, it just felt like I was getting stabbed in the abdomen.

I tied him up and I kept my uniform on and proceeded

to read him his rights. My favorite being "You got the right to remain sexy."

Give me some!

You know he's sexy!

That was one of the best nights of my life.

Well, I've already contacted the police department, despite the fact that a person can't be considered "missing" until at least 72 hours has passed.

That's morbid.

I've already hired an investigator.

What, are you two a couple now?

What the hell are you doing?

You sold me down the river, bitch.

Wait, Gary Coleman's parents stole his kidneys?

I would never say that, because I'm pretty sure that never even happened.

Why does ratting me out sound like exactly something you would do?

You know, I've never thought of myself as a killer, but I am seriously considering ramming this pick into the back of your eye socket.

Maybe you'll get your head sawed off.

You have cameras in my room?

I have eyes everywhere, bitch.

The name of my future perfume is Revenge.

How is that something you just happen to know?

That is stupidest thing I've ever heard.

What's the password?

I just can't eat any more of these.

This ain't The Marriage Ref! This ain't Judge Joe Brown! We ain't on the Maury Show! We ain't standin' in line trying to get tickets to Dr. Phil! I am not Steve Harvey, people, and this ain't the Family Feud!

I'm tryin' to catch a killer.

Help me get the spy gear in the car!

How can you promise?

We're in a maze, you don't know where you're going!

I always knew it would come to this.

Why are we doing this right now?

I forgot the flashlights!

What am I supposed to do with this?

This is so creepy.

It smell like booty in here.

I'm getting a nervous feeling in my stomach.

I might start farting. If I cut some, you promise not to tell anyone?

Oh, my boob!

Stay where you are! I'll come and get you!

Ooh, this is nice.

It's really beautiful.

It looks like you just crossed some stuff out and wrote that in in marker.

Okay, can we talk about that for a second? Because it just happened a few hours ago, and I'm still really traumatized.

I need some cheering up right now.

Excuse me, darling, I'm exhausted.

Wait, we need to hear what happened to you.

Just wondering where you find a house with a pit. The market for them would be pretty limited.

Did you escape, or did you kill him?

I've always had a thing for bad boys.

That got way out of hand.