#sorry im bitter but like come on!!! come on!!!

[yiiyiiwrites]

🍂 | Autumn Equinox | Cassian

Summary: Cassian trying to honour your equinox celebrations, not knowing that the holiday is something you don't quite understand. So you make new traditions with your mate. 2425words

Cassian x Autumn court reader

Also Have one for [Azriel] & [Eris] & Lucien coming soon

[Acotar masterlist]

The large bag strapped to your back, bit into your shoulders. Each time you stretched your arms and clutched the protruding rocks above your head, the weight nearly promised you a plummeting death.

You didn't know what possessed Cassian to drag your ass out in the bitter cold. It felt like you'd been chasing the setting sun, your mate's bouncing steps through the forest an hour ago didn't settle the knot in your stomach either or his words of surprise.

A gloved hand wrapped around your forearm, hoisting you up and over the jagged mountain side. You fell to your knees, peering over the edge and the sheer drop, the ground crumbled beneath your knee. Gravel and rocks tumbling over, Cassian grabbed the scruff of your collar hauling you back against his chest.

His heart drummed at your back, arms caging you against him as he controlled his breaths. You flinched as his wings curled around the two of you, instinct driving him to hold you closer.

What you didn't realise was he was trying to contain the flames licking at the palms of your hands and wrists. His wings containing your magic before it devoured everything in it's way.

Panic climbed up your throat, burning sensation in your mouth pulling your attention to the fire eating away Cassian's leather fighting gear. You clawed at his arms, but he clenched you tighter biting back the groan as the singed fabric gave way to his melting flesh.

"Please," you whispered, more pleading with yourself to stop the magic on their course of destruction than ask anything of your mate.

As if the gods willed it, the heat died from your hands and the cold rushed into bite your fingertips. You curled your fingers into the cuff of your jacket, cursing the ash that shook the frayed edges. Cassian's arms eased, his crushing vice no longer stealing your breath away.

Tiny glowing embers danced around the scales of Cassian's armour, your palm slapping against the patches to snuff them out. "Shit, shit. Sorry," you said each word following the pat of your hand against his arm.

"This is why you need to learn how to control your emotions," Cassian said grabbing your chin between his thumb and pointer finger, tilting your face to look up at him. "So that you don't have to apologise for something so natural like being scared of falling to your death."

He was right, you'd never learnt to control your magic or the tangled mess of emotions that led to your outbursts, which is why he always jumped in to contain you. Stating that he'd rather get burnt than have you beating yourself up for feeling something.

It was just you and your father growing up, your mother fled back to her home court not long after giving birth to you. Which made it difficult for your father to teach the fundamentals of your magic or spend time with you when he worked all the time. Not that you blamed him, the autumn court thrived on hierarchy and you well didn't like being told what to do.

"Where's Az when you need him eh," you said, shrugging off your backpack. The one and only time you'd accidentally burnt Azriel, his Shadows had smothered you until you'd passed out. He'd avoided you for months, still couldn't quite keep your gaze.

"Im still mad at him for that," Cassian grumbled, digging through his own pack before he gave up and emptied the contents on the ground.

"Fair game," you said, taking a corner of the blanket from his grasp and laying it out on the fallen leaves. Cassian stilled, thick brows furrowed as he snatched the thermos from rolling into the burrow of a trees roots and what ever else hid below it.

"He stole every ounce of oxygen from you and you nearly died."

You didn’t feel like digging up old arguments, the key thing being that you did not die. “Why are we trekking up the fucking Illyrian mountains?” You plopped down on the blanket, swiping the warm tea from Cassian’s grasp before he can take a sip. It sloshed over the cup and dripped down your hand.

The top of the mountain gave way to the sprawling forests, snow capped peaks of the winter court could be seen in the far distance. The sun had long set, glittering stars blinking in the inky sky.

A crackle murmured through the wind, an orange light zipping up into the sky, a bang exploding as light broke off into golden flecks, falling from the line that shot up previously.

“Happy autumn equinox,” Cassian whispered leaning into press his lips to your cheek. “I used to watch these from the camp growing up. Never knew what they were for till you mentioned the equinox last year.”

Ah yes, thankfully Cassian was working away during the first year. Where you’d locked yourself in your bedroom and refused to acknowledge what day it was. Cassian had tried to get some sort of information about the tradition then, but you didn’t give him much to go on saying that you normally watched the fire in the sky.

Your body trembled, fists clenching on your crossed legs as you tried not to cry. The blood pumping in your ear whirred, heart spinning like the next fireball launching off into the distance.

“I hate equinox,” you snarled, “I hate that court, those sodding…” you couldn’t finish the sentence, you’re on your feet toeing the twigs on the ground.

You felt like a small child, the loud bangs and the crowds of fae pushing you deeper into the packed bodies. Cassian’s fingers dug into the muscle between your shoulder blades and he traced circles, easing the tension from you.

“That’s why you hardly spoke to me whilst I was away last year?” His thumb pressed into your spine and you hummed in appreciation, his touch working the trauma you stored there. “Why didn’t you say?”

You dropped your head, “I was never allowed to celebrate it, didn’t see the point when I was older,” you mumbled into your chest, now feeling stupid for saying it out loud. You really did feel like a child.

And in that moment, you realised that Cassian hadn’t been given as much you as you had experienced and that made you feel the deep rooted shame settling in your stomach. How could you complain when you had a father and a warm bed? Yes he’d neglected your emotional needs by working, but your father had given you place to sleep and grow.

“It’s nothing, it doesn’t matter,” you shook his hand off of your back and wrapped your arms across your chest, fists twisting the fabric of your coat.

“Perhaps,” Cassian said, tucking the curtain of hair hiding your face behind your ear. “We could create our own traditions for today.” The pad of his thumb brushed against your cheek, your lips parting as dimples set in his cheeks.

He tugged you down to the blanket, leaning against a large boulder. His arm hooked over your shoulder as he tucked you into his side. You thought of little Cassian watching the fire in the sky, sparkling gaze wondering what they are. Not knowing that one day they would lead to you.

And you found yourself telling Cassian why you’d never celebrated the autumn equinox. How your father patrolled the event, leaving you to watch the skies through the window in the barracks.

Children were not allowed unattended, the equinox night attracting all kinds of spirits, that patrols were long and needed.

The exploding balls of fire shaking the thin cabin and rattling the glass window. You stayed up till the candle melted to nothing and the wick turned to ash, laid in your father’s lumpy cot. You still remember the scent of smoke that clung to your father’s uniform as he climbed into bed with you, too tired to change his clothes.

You glanced at Cassian, his glassy eyes on the sky but the twitch of his wings tell you he’s listening intently. The palm of his hand smoothing up and down the side of your leg and you leant into him offering warmth that came so easily for you.

"I think I like this tradition," you said resting your head on his chest.

“We’ll have to pick another spot next year,” he said, gaze falling from the sky to the army of trees below. “Anything could be tracking us here.” Ah yes, the ever observant warrior thinking ten steps ahead.

A shiver crept up your spine, you didn’t want to think about what prowled the Illyrian mountains or come across them either.

“Maybe we should start packing up? I’d rather not chase the rising sun,” you mumbled into his chest as he pulled you into a crushing hug.

Cassian chuckled, arms slipping away from you. Part of you not wanting to leave the safety of his wings around you, another not wanting to walk through the darkness now that he’d somewhat mentioned something in the forest.

“It’s okay baby, you’ve got me,” he said, large hand pawing the top of your head. That damned tether sending the little trickle of fear straight to him. He stuffed the rolled blanket and thermos back into his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” You said as he spun you around to face him. He guided your bag straps over your shoulders, clipping the clasp at your back so that the pack laid against your front.

His wings shot out, before angling down slightly and you stumbled back at the abrupt shift of wind he sent around both of your ankles.

“You want to walk?” He asked, wings twitching as they were the ones speaking to you.

“You mean to tell me, that you could have flown up here instead of traipsing through the sodding woods?” You couldn’t help the bite of your words. The mud caking your boots and shins did not help, it felt like lugging another weight along with you.

Warmth spread the curve of your palm, flames curling round your knuckles and stretching to your fingertips. You tried to breathe, count backwards as if it would help calm your racing heart.

A whip of wind lashed at you, flickering embers falling to ash. Your skin charred and black, the chalky residue leaving a stain as it brushed the side of your leg.

You glanced at the tiny spec of ash glowing, gaze flitting to Cassian whose smirk dropped and wings snapped, sending another whirl of wind towards you. Your boots dug into the earth and dragged back at the impact.

“Stop that,” you snarled, clenching your fists. The sliver of hold you had on your emotions wavered, the thoughts of the day washing over you and the memories bleeding you dry of any hope.

Cassian held your hands in his, if you were to give up you’d burn him and that was something you never wanted. It had happened so many times, Cassian using it to teach you how to control your emotions. Something you warned him not to do. His leather gloves were covered in molten patches, flesh a lighter shade, already healing and weaving itself back together.

“You can’t burn everything down when you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry.” You couldn’t look at him, convinced that even your eyes were full of fire. He knows you too well though.

“Then what are you? Tired because you walked or frustrated at something?” His head dipped trying to catch your gaze, but you looked away. Something, he chose his words carefully when you knew he wanted to say someone.

You rarely spoke of your father freely, only offering up random tales that fit the situation. And even then you didn’t go into detail. This whole day brought up everything you’d pushed down for centuries.

“I hate this day, it reminds me of him,” you mumbled, once again feeling like a small child. “But you’ve made it bearable.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was such a hard day for you,” he mused, brushing the hair out of your face. “I just assumed you missed your father, you don’t speak of him much or of home. Thank you for sharing that part of yourself with me.”

Home, the word sliced into you. You hadn’t truly known the word home was actually a feeling. Sure living in the barracks with your father was home, but the warmth and love Cassian gave you taught you of home.

It was more than a four walls or a cabin, home was a person for you now.

“I actually hate walking,” you said, pausing as Cassian scooped you up into his arms. “My father used to drag me through the autumn forest at the crack of dawn. Telling me I needed to learn the land and stay fit.” You’d mentioned those walks with your father, but didn’t admit you never had a choice in the matter. Even if you were aching and tired he still pulled you out of bed to roam around the woods on his morning patrols.

The fog was thick, even from the many courts you could smell the smoke. You always liked flying, well Cassian flying. Everything looked small in comparison, reminding you to take a step back and enjoy the present. Wrapped in the tight embrace of your mate, clouds and stars skimming by.

You peered over Cassian’s bicep, trying to catch a flicker of movement to whatever laid below the canvas of trees.

“I recon you’d do just fine down there,” Cassian said, veering to the right as a whoosh of wind caught his wings. “Your father taught you how to hunt and fight, although there’s worse than foxes down there.” A wicked smirk tugged the corner of his lips, he loosened his grip and threw you up, scream tearing from your throat.

Cassian tucked his wings dropping lower, the breeze carrying his laugh to you.

“You bastard,” you yelled as he caught you again, your fist slamming into his chest. “Actually one of the cute older kids taught me how to fight. Now that I think of it maybe I do have a type. He had long hair too and he was oh…”

“Walking sounds good, right now," he mumbled, escaping the clouds and soaring down, his boots dragging along the top of the trees.

“I actually want to sleep tonight.” You couldn't help yourself, leaning over and peering through the gap of branches in hopes of finding whatever beasts Cassian refused to tell you about. Part of you glad he didn't, the stories you'd heard of the prisoners he fought, were enough to taint your dreams.

“Who said we’re getting any sleep tonight?”

Since its nearly autumn equinox I wanted to do some prompts for it :) there's other characters to come - Yiiyii

[bergoose]

you know it would have been so easy for the try guys not to throw shade at watcher like that takes effort

[xxplastic-cubexx]

dofp having both Time In A Bottle and erik telling charles he wished he hadnt spent so many years fighting him was actually evil really !!!!!

[the-meme-monarch]

ok newsletter euphoria has worn off i hate love again

[junesprince]

bitter choco decoration

[alilaro]

its so funny hbomberguy uploads a video like once every millenia, but when he does he manages to send every person he scrutinizes into oblivion, never to recover

[angy-grrr]

There is gonna be more than that coming from the poll, but whatever it is vote Kacchan/Deku for best hero. Idc who wins i just need them to be together again

if they just announced it today without saying anything before, I would probably immediately do it.

Right now im just bitter because of the hype -I thought it would at least slightly relate to the actual story (adaptations of other stories, extra content for the volume which once again may I remind everyone is extremely short, almost half what a manga volume usually looks which is a huge problem).

This disappointed me extremely, as its not even related to any content from the manga beyond the characters it uses. I get that many ppl will work on this, and that artist will get excited over being able to get the spotlight, some will be able to ask specific questions, and a character will get a statue and a movie.

Still extremely disappointed because of the "special project will be announced on the 5th *wink wink*".

I can't feel excitement over it as, in my mind, I lost something that felt better -more content related to the story. So at best this would be "oh cool I can try it", a feeling pretty similar to the other announcements -not my favorite thing in the world, but I wont reject it and try to see what comes out of it.

This isnt at best to me right now

[kaurwreck]

Have u talked about the bsd Mishima crumbs in posts other than the one about the tripolar singularity? Your latest post has me very intrigued 😭

I've alluded to them on Tumblr, I think, but I've never delved into my theory with any sincere detail here. (Although I have shared a few of my sillier Mishima theories that I've ruled out for myself.) As prolific as I am here, 70-80% of my bsd theorizing occurs either (i) in my DMs, (ii) on 3-6 hour long phone conversations with @sarahworm and @bjorgian (that is not hyperbole), or (iii) a combination thereof.

Mishima is especially complicated for me to transcribe because I've put a sincerely absurd amount of time into researching his life and works and connecting them to bsd. And it's been fruitful— for example, I wouldn't have otherwise learned that the bow gifted to the Agency is plucked directly from one of Mishima's noh plays. But that means there's a lot of expository context I'd need to write out to make sense of my theory, which I rarely have the time, bandwidth, or drive to do with my work schedule; especially given the degree and flavor of engagement I've learned to expect from the community. And, quite frankly, my intensity isn't well received online, and I'm rarely in the mood to navigate that, so when I know I'm especially in too deep, I prefer those spaces where I feel safe being unadulterated in my Pepe Silvia nonsense.

But, since you've asked, I'll lay out my Yukio Mishima theory in summary later, when I have the time. It relies namely on the mask the tripolar singularity is wearing, the three dots reminiscent of a birthmark by which one of Mishima's characters identifies who he believes is his reincarnating friend throughout the Sea of Fertility.

[bunnihearted]

🫎

[luminisvii]

if you're sitting here complaining about "shiver simps" endlessly, you are a bigger problem than any shiver fan could hope to be. this is frankly ridiculous and a lot of you need to either grow up or stop playing outright until you learn how to act

[madaracore]

im bitter im very very bitter but j think today i will allow myself feel like this instead of pretending i dont. we can stop repressing everything for a bit. as a treat.

[todayisafridaynight]

Why does Daigo look like he's dissociating 50% of the time

bitch id be too if i had to deal with all this shit for twelve years and i got shot or called a baby every other week

[deathlonging]

it can be quite fun to look at nothing but pretty outfits for close to 2 hours straight and pretend the foyer of feminism is in fact its open plan house but good lord does it get so much more aggravating when you realize people came away from this chlorine bleached hollow candy cane stuffed version of a story with the conviction that it is insightful

[shivasdarknight]

#wolqotd #wolquestion more like ancient question but how does venat get to meet your azem/ancient? and if it's the case, how does she (and/or remaining convocation peers) eventually appoint them as the next azem in line?

THIS IS A FUN QUESTION especially since this ties in with Charon and their relationships - ex and otherwise.

So, quick establishing info: Charon was the younger sibling of Hermes. They looked a lot like him, they were trans masc + genderfluid, Exclusively went by they/them, and a...very opinionated person. They were briefly seeing Emet-Selch and Hythlodeus, at some point. Briefly. They're exes.

When Venat met Charon, they were still with those two. So, one of the partners of her coworker. At this time, they were very much so like their brother: quiet, kinda depressive, spitting image of him with the dark, dull blue hair and startling green eyes. Venat - the very outgoing woman that she is - was quick to try and interact with them since I mean...she figures it's just polite to do so since they were the partner of her coworker.

She could also quickly tell that they weren't happy in that relationship. Mostly out of curiosity, she offered to take Charon on as an apprentice since it was a job that would allow Charon the freedom of travel that they didn't have. I still haven't figured out what it was, but let's be honest it was probably something lower ranking to do with experimental magic.

Once away from Amaurot and allowed space to breathe, the conflict became very clear: they were exactly like their brother in that they were deeply uncomfortable with the structure of their society and how it impacted those who were less fortunate - except unlike Hermes, this was mostly aimed at folks who weren't a good fit. Like those with lesser aether, or with issues with magic, or I don't know - someone disabled like them.

The ancient society screams ableism and I'm dying on this hill.

Anyways, once they're not as suffocated by that they start to really flourish under Venat? They talk a lot about their discomfort with their partners and how complacent they are with the state of things, how they just don't seem to care and all. Those two can't put themselves in someone else's shoes and see that there's something fundamentally wrong. Venat is one of the few people who sits down with them to walk them through their issues. So is it really any surprise that not only does Charon really begin to enjoy their travels with her, but really start to admire her?

This is around the time that Charon starts bleaching their hair, because they want to match with Venat - which yeah, Venat finds that really endearing. Charon grows more and more distant with their partners until it gets to where they dump them altogether. As Charon begins to grow more into themself, they get a hell of a lot more bold and outspoken and it brings out this petty streak of theirs.

Deeply petty.

Venat's choice to retire is both so she can be of help to a greater freedom than Azem would be, but also because she wanted to spend time with her partner, Khione. The two were hoping to have children, but unfortunately Khione was infertile.

Charon partly takes on the title of Azem to allow Venat that free time since they deeply disagreed with the whole. Dying when your job is finished thing, because they thought that was fucking dreary and disturbing. But also it's fucking funny being Azem because now they have to work with Emet, which.

I mean they hated it. They were constantly coming back home to Hermes to vent about how it felt like things were being undermined because of the fact that they were exes - yet he was the senior Convocation Member thus they couldn't say shit!

Their wanderlust was part of what made them a good choice for Azem, but their bullheadedness and their habit to take matters into their own hands resulted in them constantly getting in trouble with the Convocation. Lahabrea, especially, could not stand them. About the only one they got along with was Themis, and that's because he's Venat's younger brother in this.

The Convocation also didn't take too kindly to Charon hooking up with Venat and Khione. Partly because they thought Venat was kind of being selfish by not passing on, but also because they were just very hypercritical of anything Charon did. The further they got into the Convocation, the more obnoxious they got. And this continued into the Final Days.

About their only supporter was Hermes when he joined, and they actually advocated his appointment so that they'd have back up. They just weren't anticipating that he'd join on with the Zodiark project, and that resulted in them abandoning the Convocation to help Venat and her allies with the Hydaelyn project. They were to be the Heart of Hydaelyn, but they died before they could do so.

So yeah, it went from "partner of a coworker" to "apprentice" to "successor" to "lover" to "accomplice". Venat and Charon have a really interesting relationship, and this extends into Hydaelyn and all of Charon's incarnations - especially now that they've reincarnated into Surkukteni.

[dollar-store-sparklez]

man i dont wanna be that guy, but the skyblock wars thing on the legundo community server is so just. incredibly frustrating to play rn

like, disregarding my own wifi issues entirely, bc theyre a seperate ongoing problem, lapis is mostly composed of younger players and people with actual jobs and stuff, and then redstone has. every moderator except 1, and two of the best pvpers who literally like never log off.

im not gonna accuse mods of using mod perms to cheat, because i gen dont think they are, but speraking as someone who has experience on several servers being mod/build staff, it is functionally impossible to be without bias as a mob in a competitive setting, especially when its, yknow, every single mod except one versus a team mostly composed of 12 year olds. hell, one of our players is literally 8.

and. i mean it sucks. its not enjoyable to play anymore when the other team is making fun of us for things out of our control and the mods arent really doing anything about it bc its their teammates doing it. and then theres stuff like the cobble challenge, where their entire island was basically already stone brick from the start. im not saying its cause the mods knew that was gonna be the challenge, but i am saying im not ruling it out. and then we know the mods fly around occasionally, and yeah they tell us that its for actual mod purposes, and i believe them, but i also believe that if they were to notice some new builds or farms or whatever while they were they theyd 100% mention it to their team.

and again, even disregarding that, even if im just off my rocker and everything ive noticed as unfair and upsetting is just in my own brain, theres the fact that the other team is gonna listen and respect the members of the mod staff more bc they have a real, tangible power over them, where as random children just arent gonna listen to syl even if they were the one voted in to be the leader. they gonna listen to a mod, but not another player. thats a real, tangible advantage they have.

i dont wanna say the mods cant also play the game and have fun, because they can! its totally possible to do smth like this and still let them play! but they need to be split up evenly between the teams or is gonna cause the issues we're currently having. no one on lapis is having fun or wants to play anymore really. poor syl has cried on call. i dont really care how many times people say its just a game. youre saying that because your team is winning, your team is tacked, your team has all the good pvpers and moderators. if lapis was in the lead youd be upset and i know it, because wth this new base quest that just finished you went and whined to ecr because hyper used an existing base on your island to win the quest. he asked ecr and got an explicit yes, and dino and justin ran to ecr about it and now we each got half a point, basically voiding the quest.

im glad yall are havin fun because no one else is. lmao

[ajarofpickledtears]

anyway in case anyone was wondering, yes, i am still thinking about dad asking if i gained weight again so that's fun