#sorry swifties I promise I’m one of you

[chuuuvi]

Alright I’ve avoided saying anything about the new Taylor album but I think I’ve spent enough time thinking about it now to give my opinion. As a lifelong fan of her music TTPD has been the weirdest experience of any album of hers for me.

First listen was just basic front to back while doing some nonograms and my immediate thought was that this is the worst thing she’s ever released. Like I for real had to take a break to go listen to some 1989 to double check that I don’t just dislike her music as a whole now. (False alarm 1989 is still one of my favorite albums of all time). I spent some time trying to figure out what wasn’t working for me. Most obvious was that the songs feel really dull and samey? They aren’t fun pop songs but they also aren’t the beautiful folksy ballads of folklore/evermore. They felt like they went on forever but also didn’t go anywhere.

All that to say that I was really fucking bored. Thats not enough to make me give up on an album though. I made that mistake with folklore and I wasn’t about to do it again. (I found folklore kind of dull at first listen and just wrote it off as “not for me” before coming back months later and finding a real appreciation for it) What was more concerning is the writing though. I had already seen people joking about the lyrics on this album before I listened and yeah it’s not great. It feels at times like someone doing a parody of Taylor Swift’s writing style. Some of these lyrics are undeniably cringe and thats coming from someone who can withstand a lot of cringe. It’s truly bizarre to listen to because I do think she’s a talented songwriter and she has proved that in past projects but it rarely shines through here.

I was feeling really negative about this album and overall just kind of bummed out that we got a new album from literally my most listened to artist of all time and I didn’t enjoy it with the exception of like 3 songs: Down Bad, Clara Bow, and, the immediate standout for me, I Look In People’s Windows. Heres where things take a turn though. I get a call from my dad (shout out to him! He’s the best ever and I love him) and he was telling me that he listened to the album and wanted to share our thoughts. In case you’re interested his favorites are Fortnight and So High School. I felt kind of bad because I wanted to be excited but I couldn’t give him more than lukewarm opinions on anything.

He then asked me if I could explain to him what certain songs were about with my swiftie knowledge and that kind of perked me up because I realized that I hadn’t done an in depth look into the lyrics yet. I had only listened to it very passively. I basically told him that and said I’d get on it and I could answer any questions he had the next time he called. So with that I went headfirst into listen number 2! I was ready to go with genius lyrics open, taking notes, checking twitter and tumblr and googling stuff. I built a case for my interpretation of every song to present to my dad. And the thing is I was having an absolute blast. It was a complete turnaround from my depressing first listen. I felt like a detective and I spent almost all night on this. I went to work the next day on like 4 hours of sleep but I felt nothing but pure joy and excitement.

I had to ask myself though.. is this a good way to engage with music? Is it possible to say you enjoyed a piece of art if you can only find that enjoyment through picking apart the personal life of the artist? The fun I’m getting from this isn’t the fun I feel when listening to good music it’s the fun I feel from watching reality tv. I mean yes I also have felt the same satisfaction from other Taylor Swift albums but it’s a secondary feeling. Like for example my favorite song of hers is All Too Well 10 Minute Version. I think that song being autobiographical gives it a lot of power but I think it would still be a masterpiece if the whole story was entirely unrelated to Taylor’s real personal life. On the other hand I think most of the songs The Tortured Poets Department would be entirely uninteresting to me if it wasn’t for the clues into her personal life and feelings.

And that brings us to my subsequent listens. This has just been me listening to it in my regular life. In the car, at work when I was away from the counter doing some pricing, at home doing laundry, etc. I haven’t been able to feel the joy I felt during my deep dive into the lyrics again but I also haven’t felt the misery of my first listen either. Theres still more skips than the average TS album but a lot of the songs have grown on me especially after going in depth into the lyrics. The cringe lyrics are immediately obvious but after going line by line like I did I realized that theres still plenty of lyrics that feel like the old Taylor Swift I’ve loved for so long. After all the emotional ups and downs I’ve landed at a fairly neutral position. It’s not a very good album as a whole but I’ve made my peace with that. It’s not as bad as some people are saying it is either. In the end I’m moving my favorites to a playlist and the rest I will not be going out of my way to listen to again. If you are considering listening to TTPD and haven’t yet.. you would probably have a better time with one of her other albums instead. I’d recommend 1989!

[miley1442111]

i can fix him (no really i can)- c.berzatto

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a/n: yes, i am a swifty.

summary: based off of i can fix him (no really i can) by taylor swift

pairings: carmen berzatto x fem! reader

warnings: carmen is an asshole, reader gets her revenge, sex tapes being sent around, revenge p!rn, smut, subcarmy (if you squint), 18+,

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The smoke cloud billows out his mouth

Like a freight train through a small town

The jokes that he told across the bar

Were revolting and far too loud

Carmen had a few bad habits, mainly smoking, a low eq, and a tendency to overshare when he got drunk. One of the new line chefs had come up to you in recent weeks, joking about how you sounded when you had sex. Carmen had shown him the video he promised he wouldn’t show anyone. Not just that, he’d sent the video into the staff group chat for everyone to see.

Asshole.

They shake their heads sayin', "God, help her"

When I tell 'em he's my man

But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger

I can fix him, no, really, I can

And only I can

“I feel bad for her,” Richie sighed as he brought the cigarette to his lips. “You’re a fucking jagoff.”

“I was drunk,” Carmen groaned. “It was a mistake!”

“She still talkin’ to you?” He asked. 

“‘Is she still talkin’ to me’? What kind of asshole question is that, yes, you dumbfuck,” He hit the back of Richie’s head, sending his cigarette flying. 

“Fucking asshole,” Richie mumbled under his breath as he walked back inside. 

The dopamine races through his brain

On a six-lane Texas highway

His hand so calloused from his pistol

Softly traces hearts on my face

And I could see it from a mile away

A perfect case for my certain skill set

He had a halo of the highest gradе

He just hadn't met me yеt

As Carmen drove home he thought about the reaction you’d give, whether you’d be mad, or if you’d break up with him or something even worse. 

He had no idea. 

He remebered what he'd done when you told him first.

---------------------

"Carm, what the fuck did you post on the Bear groupchat?" you questioned, humiliation and anger bubbling in your blood.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Carmen, fucking look at your phone!" You shouted. Carmen immediately fumbled for his phone, opening it and seeing the private thing he'd shared.

"Fuck," he groaned.

"Yeah, fuck indeed. You're barely in that video and you swore to me that you'd never show it to anyone!" You shouted.

"Baby, it was a mistake-"

"Fuck a mistake! A mistake is forgetting your keys, a mistake is not locking the backdoor of the restaurant up, this was no fucking mistake!" you screamed. "Take it down now."

Carmen was getting angry now, he felt controlled and he could feel the weight and consequences of his actions.

"Why? It's the only fucking thing you're good for."

---------------------

They shake their heads sayin', "God, help her"

When I tell 'em he's my man

But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger

I can fix him, no, really, I can

And only I can

---------------------

He opened the front door of your shared apartment and saw the light on in the bedroom. He dropped his bags, tired as he sauntered into the bedroom. There you were, a vision in a set of red lingerie, a set he’d bought you a few weeks back. His mouth watered when he heard your small whimpers as you worked the toy over your aching core. He immediately pulled off his shirt, and you didn’t even notice him. He lay beside you, grabbing a condom out of the drawer but you stopped him.

“You’re not touching me tonight,” you smirked. Carm’s face dropped. 

“Baby-” He whined. “Please, I’m so sorry-”

“I don’t wanna hear it,” your sentence was interrupted by a groan, the toy hitting a new spot that triggered your climax. 

“Please baby-”

“Beg for it then,” you smirked, coming down from your high. 

Good boy, that's right, come close

I'll show you Heaven if you'll be an angel, all night

Trust me, I can handle me a dangerous man

No, really, I can

“Please,” he began. “I’m so sorry, I was drunk and stupid and you look so pretty, so, so pretty and I need to touch you, I-I need you, p-please,” he groaned when your hand surpassed his waistband. 

“Don’t stop,” you smirked. 

“I’m so sorry, y-you’re just so perfect, I-I wanted to share you-” 

“You want someone else in here fucking me?” You asked, a giggle in your voice. 

“No! No. I-I wanna fuck you, I do, please let me fuck you,” he begged as you laughed at his sudden reaction. You dragged your hand up and down his length as he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“I’m sure you’d love to have another person in here, watching you get fucked. Or you get fucked by two people, god you’re such a slut,” you laughed at him as beads of sweat dripped down his chest. “Not my good boy anymore, no?”

“Yes! Yes! Just you, just you-” He clapped a hand over his mouth as he came, biting into the skin. 

As he came down he kissed you, and apologised, you accepted with a promise from him to never show the videos to anyone ever again, to be careful when he was drunk. 

They shook their heads sayin', "God, help her"

When I told 'em he's my man (I told 'em he's my man)

But your good Lord didn't need to lift a finger

I can fix him, no, really, I can (No, really, I can)

When he walked into work the next day, he was confused by the laughs and jokes sent his way. That was until he saw your letter of resignation with a note beside it, reading: 

You should’ve been more careful ;)

He opened his phone to find the video of that night sent to the staff group chat, just like yours had been. 

Woah, maybe I can't

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the bear masterlist :)

tortured poets department masterlist :)

navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, marvel, top gun, challengers, obx+)

[tojifile]

@Dazai Osamu . . . ( ﾉ´ヮ`) ﾉ

Tags: ada!dazai, camgirl!reader, mentions of sex, suggestive, pining, cursing

A/N: Since a lot of people liked the first part I’m going to write chapter two. No, they don’t have sex. And Yes, the chapter title is a Taylor Swift reference. No, I am not a swiftie, I am a casual enjoyer. (December Mo: Hi guys, this will be my LAST post with the old style and probably the last time I’ll be doing a long, drawn-out fic. The old title was ‘Whiskey on Ice’ so that explains what I said before.)

Inspo: Mingwa’s BJ Alex. Links: Part 1 , Masterlist

Camgirl’s Crush – 💋

“I was wondering if you wanted to go to a bar with me tonight, since you did say I was such a good boy today.” Dazai whispered seductively in your ear. You felt the heat of his breath on your neck, “O- okay..” you nervously spoke. Dazai had a way of making you feel nervous at times, especially when his moves are sensual.

You’ve experienced teasing and flirting before, but when he whispers in your ear, when he pays attention to your idiosyncrasies, when he takes you out on little dates; only to disguise it as “work lunch” you feel—special.

Dazai was still holding you by the waist as you walked back to the agency to clock out. You told him that the both of you had to do it before going to the bar to which Dazai reluctantly agreed; he just wanted to make you happy. “Osamu-kun, people might make up stories if they see us together like this..”

Like he cared anyways. He chuckled at your worries, “Ah darling! You don’t need to worry about that! Pretty soon, those rumors would be true anyways, yeah?” Without thinking, you immediately respond, “yeah!”

You then realized what you just said. Your face turned red and you looked away from Dazai. “I- ‘m.. sorry.” You nervously mumbled. Dazai found your actions adorable! You were just so cute, he wanted to keep you all to himself.

Once you got to the agency, Dazai hurriedly clocked the both of you out while you waited for him downstairs. While he was upstairs, you thought of your moments with Dazai, you wanted him so bad. You’d fantasize about him during your streams and sometimes—at work. You were definitely not proud of that.

“Darling!” Dazai’s words snapped you back into reality. He ran to you then scooped you up into his arms, carrying you roughly to the bar. “Osamu!! Put me down!” You huffed.

But he didn’t, and you were happy. He almost makes you want to quit streaming. You just want to be his and you hope he wants to be yours. You just held onto him tightly, silently hoping he liked you back.

Dazai smiled softly as you held onto him tightly. He liked you like this, sweet and vulnerable. If there was one thing on his mind, it’d be if there was someone else or not, if you heard of him—IU, and if you could hear the love in him, waiting to burst.

His touchiness with you didn’t stop when you got to the bar. Not that you expected it to, but it was quite the opposite. He placed you on top of him, with your back to his chest as his bandaged arms encircled your waist.

He bought you drinks, obviously, he wanted you drunk. Dazai wanted to take advantage of his cute little coworker who may or may not be his favorite cam girl, not that he watches any other.

“Darling..” he whispered in a deep, sultry voice. “Wanna go home to my place? I’ll take care of you, I promise.” You only nodded in response. You knew you shouldn’t, you knew this couldn’t be. But you were only human, a slave to your urges. And right now, what you want is Dazai Osamu.

He gently laid you on his bed once you got to his apartment. Can you believe he carried you all the way there? It was his fault anyways, he got you so drunk!

“So cute..” he whispered underneath his breath. “‘Samu..” you called out softly. You then put your arms up, opening and closing your fists, wanting him to give you a hug. God! If you were sober this would’ve been embarrassing, acting like a fucking baby?!

“Hold me!!” You whined, to which Dazai chuckled. But he still happily complied. Taking off your shoes and sitting beside you on his bed, pulling you closer to his body. “Such a cute girl..” he whispered as he gave you a kiss on the cheek.

As the clock struck 10PM he saw that there was no new livestream, but there was an announcement. But he knew you had typed this out when you were waiting for him downstairs as he clocked the both of you out. Such a sneaky girl.

There was no going back now that Dazai knew that his adorable, seemingly innocent coworker was a cam girl.

@toxicramune @oh-my-beel @nymphsdomain @morinuu – Comment 🪩 to be on my taglist !

++ @yasu-masashige @ninin8nin (who asked for pt.2)

[nicohischierz]

right where you left me: brandt clarke

tagging: @ivy-34, @francesfarhadi, @hzstry8, @cixrosie, @itsnotgray, @estapa94, @trevs-swiftie, @heartz4hisch you want to join the taglist let me know!!

warning: death, pregnancy

when someone mentioned the name brandt clarke, people immediately think of the unique laugh he held.

the laugh gone unheard ever since that night.

february 14th.

the day of love. the day that was made to be celebrated with the one you love.

all of that didn’t matter to brandt anymore as he had nothing to live for.

he didn’t have anyone to make dinner reservations with or to buy chocolates, that he’d end up eating, for.

the one thing that didn’t change was that on the 14th of february, brandt clarke would always buy a bouquet of flowers for the girl that held his heart.

you and brandt met through his teammate alex. the older boy being a good friend to your brother and him keeping an eye on you.

alex’s intention of introducing the two of you was purely to help each other settle into being away from family. he never expected that would blossom into a wholesome relationship.

everyone remembers the smile on your face when you and brandt made it official. the pair of you walked into a kings event hand in hand with smiles spreading from ear to ear.

it was the happiest your brothers had seen you in a long time.

brandt fit into your family quite easily.

with your brothers in the league alongside him, brandt found conversation easy to carry out and his open personality made it hard not to be his friend.

moments spent with you were the happiest brandt could ever be. those moments topped the ones he made on the ice.

“this is my boyfriend brandt, he plays for the la king,” you introduced your boyfriend to your parents and brothers.

jack, quinn and luke shook the boys hand and welcomed him into their group. jack and luke already knew his brother so it was only quinn that didn’t know the boy at all.

but alas, after spending the summer together and visiting each other during games, the hughes brothers formed a strong bond with brandt.

a bond that continued after everything.

the brothers weren’t the only ones that loved brandt. your parents did too.

ellen and jim hughes were ecstatic to meet the boy that captured their little girls heart.

they met brandt when he surprised you with a bouquet of flowers after coming back from a road trip. the kings had only landed an hour ago but the boy drove to a flower shop before going home just because he missed you.

that was how your relationship with brandt was.

it felt like a dream that neither of you wanted to wake up from.

but brandt’s dream turned into a nightmare in a matter of minutes.

february 14th was planned to a t.

brandt had ensured that you were pampered throughout the day before meeting for dinner at one of your favourite restaurants.

sometimes, he felt like he was still there sitting in the corner before his phone rang.

“hey babe, i’m just heading to the restaurant now. i cant wait to see you, i love you!”.

“hey babe, it’s raining real bad so i might be a little late but i’m almost here, i love you,”

when his phone ring with an unknown number he answered.

“hello?” he answered.

“hi is this mr brandt clarke?” the nurse asked.

brandt gulped.

“yeah this is he,”

“sir i’ve got one y/n hughes who was rushed to the emergency room and you were listed as her emergency contact. would you be able to make it to los angeles general hospital?”

brandt agreed and slowly got up from the table. before entering his car, he called your brothers.

“she’s in the hospital and i’m going to see her now,” he told them, not explaining anymore.

jack sent alex to follow brandt in order to know more about his sisters situation.

“i’m here for y/n hughes,” brandt went up to the front desk. alex had met up with him at the hospital and promised to be by his side.

“mr clarke, i’m so sorry but miss hughes didn’t make it,” the nurse expressed solemnly.

brandt felt the room spinning as he grabbed onto alex. the older boy almost buckled under the defensemen weight as well as the shock he experienced.

“she experienced some complications during labour …”

the nurse was cut off by alex. “she was pregnant?” he whispered.

the nurse gave a sad smile. “we believe she had a cryptic pregnancy as she had no idea either,”

“is the baby okay?” brandt asked.

the nurse nodded. “we’ve got another doctor doing some check ups but she seems to be doing well.”

alex and brandt let out a breathe of relief.

the two boys went back to their own apartments and awaited the arrival of your family.

ellen was quick to pull brandt into a hug as she sobbed for her daughter.

quinn gave the boy a sad smile. he knew of the velvet box that would’ve sat inside brandt’s jacket. the way it felt heavier after the news.

“she was pregnant.” brandt announced.

“it was a cryptic pregnancy so neither of us knew but she named the baby callie before she passed,”

ellen sobbed even harder and grabbed brandt’s hands. “whatever you want to do, we are here for you,” she reminded him.

callie was a carbon copy of her mother.

they had the same features and personality but most did say she got her laugh from her father.

on your birthday, brandt took callie to visit your grave with ellen and jim. callie was only a couple months old but she knew inside that this person was important to her and her family.

ellen took callie off brandt’s hands for a couple of minutes, in order to allow him some time to talk to you.

“callie looks just like you. i figured out why you named her that too, callie for california, the place we met.” he paused, looking up to the sky.

“sometimes i think i’m still at the restaurant waiting for you to walk through the doors. i remember the corner i was sat in and the feeling of dread when i got the call,” his voice wavered slightly towards the end.

“i just miss you so much and sometimes i’m stuck right where you left me,” he sobbed.

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

My Exit Note (for now) - and A Letter to Taylor

I’m so very sorry to the lovely people on here who will be saddened to read this, but this will be my last post for a while. I re-joined tumblr in June last year to re-reconnect to this lovely community, and it genuinely seemed so much safer to do than back in 2017. I thought the fandom had gained some perspective as a whole. But after only 7 months, the fandom (and by that I mean swifties) has once again become a battle ground for us, fuelled by none other than Taylor herself, and I’m no longer willing to gloss over that. I’m choosing my own peace.

It may seem like a very fickle move after only 7 months in this space, when the good people on here are genuinely some of the kindest and most intelligent people I’ve ever met online, but let me explain why I need to take a break. I don’t intend to leave Taylor Swift and her art behind and never look back. In fact, I have Eras tour tickets for the summer and I want to give myself a chance to actually be excited about that by the time June comes around. But it’s all too familiar, pretty much exactly the same reason I left tumblr the first time in 2017. I’m here to discuss and analyse Taylor’s art with likeminded (queer) people and I can’t respect the artist of that very art when she continually gives her toxic ‘fans’ ammunition to come into our safe space and harass us and then watches as we scramble to keep ourselves safe amidst abuse and threats. They are doing this in HER name. Members of a marginalised community she claims to be an ‘ally’ to are being doxxed and harassed in HER name and she’s doing nothing. If anything she’s fanning the flames while it burns. Whatever it is that she’s doing with her brand right now, her silence when her own crazy fans are sending DEATH THREATS to people for simply interpreting her art, means that I cannot be part of that right now. I thought the fandom had changed, that Taylor had grown more confident defending what she stands for, but clearly, I was wrong.

The tipping point back in 2017 for me, was when she told those kids from the rep secret sessions that the album was all about her darling bf and gave them permission to go after anyone who said otherwise. And boy, did they take that seriously. They came after us in our little corner for gushing over how beautifully gay those songs were, fuelled by words straight from the horse’s mouth. SHE sent those people after us. Because she wrote the gayest album in history and she couldn’t deal with the noise getting too loud. And I lost all respect for her. It was only in 2019 when she was suddenly draped in rainbows that I carefully looked at gaylor spaces online again, because it seemed like she was finally actually committing to it. But we all know how that ended… So, to see one of those very rep secret session kids on my YouTube feed yesterday picking apart this beautiful NY Times article with lies and inaccuracies in the name of Taylor’s straightness, just reminded me whose side she decides to put herself on. She invited those people to her house. She caters to them, not us. She made them think they were her friends and then sent them after us. With HER OWN WORDS. And I can’t be in the trenches for someone who hands my bullies a gun and points at the target.

I will leave my blog active this time, so my content will be here for people to engage with if they want. But I won’t be on here to receive your messages or dm’s. I’m sorry that I’m leaving you guys at a time where we need to stick together, but I’m getting more anger and hurt out of this than joy atm and that’s always the time for me to put myself first and step away. I hope that we will come together again when the tide changes, I’m still somewhat convinced that the clock is ticking towards a better time for us, but I need Taylor to come through for us (and herself) before I can look at her again. And I promise if that happens, I won’t hold a grudge.

And lastly, here’s something I’ve never done because I’m not crazy enough to think that Taylor sees us on here, but I don’t have any other social media and I had to get this off my chest. (If you have twitter/instagram, maybe do something similar, you never know, she might actually see it and I think she needs to know how much hurt she’s causing with this)

Dear Taylor, @taylorswift

What are you doing, love? I wish I could actually ask you that. In fact, I’ve wished it many times throughout the decade that I’ve been a fan of your music. I’ve wished that I could tell you what your music meant to me when I was heartbroken, and how much joy it brought me when I was young and felt invincible. You changed my life when you proudly held a girl’s hand in public with a smile that showed me that love is there for people like me to find, after all. And when the world was hard on you, I wished I could ask you if you were ok. But today, I just want to ask you this: what have I done to deserve you sending the worst kind of people after me? Time and time again. And you can’t tell me you didn’t know that would happen, I know you’re smart. I know you know the kind of people I’m talking about, the ones that worship you like a God, that will stop at nothing to defend the version of you they have in their heads. The ones you built your empire on. Good on you, but when did you stop caring for the people that actually see you and read the words you put out into the world for us? Was that not what you wanted? I can’t claim to understand how you live the life you’ve chosen, but at least your art was always there to bring joy to my life and community when I needed it. I didn’t need you to be a hero, but now you’ve become part of the problem.

So, here’s the thing: choose a side. Commit to us, or let us go. This line that you’re walking has reached the end. You want to be an ally? Fine. Let me help you with that: Don’t claim to be a safe space for queer people and then throw a grenade into our community and watch it burn. That’s not what an ally does. Don’t appropriate our culture by using our pride flag colours or the colour lavender and then deny the cultural and historic significance of those colours, effectively erasing their meaning. That’s not what an ally does. And most importantly, don’t let people be slaughtered, gaslit and harassed on the internet, or mainstream news, for interpreting your music as queer. A young queer woman, who is an incredible journalist, got called ‘inappropriate’ and a liar on national news yesterday, because she picked up what you’re putting down in your music and wrote an article about it. An incredible article by the way, one that made us all feel seen and validated. And then you’re letting old white men on national television call that inappropriate and invasive. You may not have said those words, but you let them stand there uncommented, let your cultish fans think that their hero is offended by being presumed to be gay. You guessed it, that’s also not what an ally does. A marginalised group of your fans got DEATH THREATS in your name in the last 24 hours because we pick up on queer flagging in your art. And you did nothing. You handed our bullies weapons and left us to fend for ourselves. That is not a safe space for LGBTQ people. And for that reason, you’re losing me.

Because I have nothing to believe. Unless you actually choose me (and yourself for that matter). Just once.

Until then,

J

[hellfire-state-of-mind]

27 seconds

pairing: Marcus Pike x reader

rating: just angst, hope you brought tissues

word count: 749

summary: Marcus never expected his world to fall apart with one phone call.

warnings: mention of drinking, kissing, nothing above PG though. reader has no physical descriptions other than wears a robe and some of Marcus's clothes. please lmk if i missed anything!!

a/n: my first submission for @beskarandblasters's Taylor Swift drabble challenge! i'm 100% a swiftie so i grabbed this with both hands and went running. this is based on the song Last Kiss sooooooo yeah it hurts 😅 oops. i do plan to write a second one so keep your eyes peeled for that if that's something your interested in?? this is only my second even piece for one of Pedro's characters and i have a particular soft spot for our Agent Pike so i hope y'all like it 🫣

Standing at the terminal, waiting for you to appear from the sliding glass doors, he checks his watch, then your flight information. It landed almost an hour ago, so where are you?

Just as the thought crosses his mind, his phone buzzes in his pocket, your name and picture lighting up his screen. He quickly answers.

“Hey, baby. I’m waiting outside your terminal, is everyth-”

“I never got on.”

---

He knew asking you to move to D.C. with him on such short notice was a stretch. You had your own life in L.A., how could he seriously expect you to just drop everything?

But you did. In a heartbeat.

Packing up your shared apartment was a blur. It mirrored the day you moved in: sitting on the bare kitchen floor surrounded by cardboard boxes, you wearing his t-shirt and a pair of his boxers, the waistband rolled so they sit higher on your thighs. You kept them when he flew out early to get your new place ready. Dropping him off at the airport, you held each other impossibly tight before sharing one last kiss and whispered “I love yous” against each other’s lips.

---

“Wait- baby, is everything okay? Did something happen?” Marcus tries to swallow his panic, fearing something had gone wrong with the airline or God forbid you’d been hurt.

“No. I just- I can’t. I’m so sorry, Marcus.”

“What d- what do you mean ‘can’t’? B-”

“It’s complicated. Just…I’m sorry.” His phone beeps as the call disconnects.

He stares blankly at the screen, 1:58 shining through the dark, taunting him.

What else can he do but just go home?

Marcus grabs a beer from the bare fridge and sinks to the floor, kicking off his shoes in the process. He stares out into the room. The space feels foreign now, hard and echoey. It’s mostly empty since you’d agreed to wait and do the bulk of the furniture shopping together. You’d loved the open floorplan, teasing him about having plenty of room for your impromptu dances. What should have been filled with warmth and laughter now just feels hollow.

He picks up his phone again, desperate to call you back and plead for answers. But you’d already given him one. You weren’t ready. When he asked you to go with him, he’d promised to honor whatever you felt. He just never planned on you changing your mind like this.

---

He throws himself into his work again. Some days, he’s okay. Others, he’ll come home enthusiastic after a big breakthrough and excited to tell you all about it until you cut him off with a kiss. He calls out to you, but your name dies on his lips.

Those nights, he’ll lie awake and scroll through your social media, careful not to accidentally like any of your photos. Dinners and drinks with friends. Fourth of July fireworks at the Santa Monica pier. But one picture stings worse than the others: a candid of you walking in the rain, your hands in your coat pockets, and a reflection in the window revealing a man behind the camera.

Marcus knows he shouldn’t have hoped that you just needed more time. That you’d wait for him until you were ready and then you’d come. He shakes the thought away before closing the app and turning off his phone, but he can’t fall asleep. His bed is too big, too cold. His own breathing in his ears is too loud, his heartbeat too heavy. He forces his eyes closed anyway, but they pop right back open. He snatches his phone off the bedside table and resumes his previous position, steeling himself for another restless night.

---

You’ve just stepped out of the shower when you hear your phone chime. Securing your robe, you perch on the edge of your bed and open the text.

I can’t forget you

Marcus’s name and contact picture at the top of the thread blurs as you blink back unannounced tears. You haven’t cried over this man in months, why now? Composing yourself, you look back down at the screen. You read those 4 little words over and over again, words stuck on the tip of your own tongue for so long but you forced yourself to never say. You finally notice the Read tag under the message, betraying your silence. He knows you’ve seen it.

Taking a deep breath, you type your response.

[sophielovestaylor]

CALLING ALL SWIFTIES!! PLEASE READ THIS 🫶🏼🫶🏼

hey y’all!! this is an extremely big ask but i’ve been trying to get in touch with taylor and her team for ever, to hopefully one day try and meet her and i know it might not be likely but even if it isn’t i hope this message reaches her somehow!! let’s try make it happen swifties!

hi taylor!!! im not sure if this message will ever reach you or not seeing as you propably get loads of messages each day, but i’m gonna try and shoot my shot and see if by literally a miracle you’ll be able to read this message im gonna write to you!!

firstly, i’ve literally thought about writing this letter to you so many times (like SO MANY TIMES) but somehow my words always felt like they weren't enough to express the gratitude, admiration, and deep connection i feel toward you and your music but today i have FINALLY decided to just let my heart speak, and so therefore im writing to you! but no matter how hard i honestly don’t i could ever truly write how much you actually mean to me, how much your music has impacted my life, or how your presence in the world has been literally a light during some of the darkest times l've ever experienced (im so sorry if this letter might seem really creepy or weird i promise im just a normal 15 year old girl who loves her cat!!)

tbh i can't exactly pinpoint the first moment i discovered your music (i think it was around like 2017 and i was like 10) but when i first started consciously listening to you and knew who you where which is around when rep was released i remember how it felt and god was reputation such a good fucking album (rep tv or debut tv when because i am ACHING for those vault tracks ma’am!!!!) when i first listened to folklore when it came out it was like someone had finally put into words all the emotions i was too afraid or unable to express, your lyrics spoke directly to my heart and and it felt like for the first time, someone understood me and to me it was more than just listening to music it was like you were a friend who was there for me when I needed someone most, and your music even though you literally didn't know me at all helped me so much more than you could ever imagine

third off i just want to say thank you for being such an amazing person, you have one of the most genuinest and kindest souls i have ever seen, and beyond the music, i have to tell you that who you are as a person has been an equally important source of inspiration for me, i’ve watched you navigate your career with such strength, and an unwavering sense of self, even in the face of incredibly difficult situations (scooter braun they could never make me like you) and you as a person has shown me and so many others that it's okay to stand up for yourself, to speak your truth, and to own your story, even when the world tries to silence you.

your bravery in standing up for your rights as an artist, your dedication to us swifties, and your ability to remain authentic in an industry that often values image over substance has been nothing short of inspiring, you’ve faced public betrayal and criticism, yet somehow you continue to rise above it all with such resilience and this is something i honestly respect so much and you are honestly so so brave and such a role model for people all over the world (especially me) and watching you navigate those challenges with such literal amazingness gave me the strength to face my own challenges with a little more courage and to be myself no matter what anyone thinks and i will forever appreciate you for teaching me life lessons sometimes that nobody around me could

i have never felt more love and genuine happiness for literally anyone ever, i’m so proud of how far you’ve come in life and that you finally find someone that treats you with all the love and respect that you ma’am deserve (mrs kelce when????)

anyways tay i don’t want to bore you but thank you for being such an inspiring role model in my life, you’re music was always there for me when i needed it and even if you don’t know me i will always and forever be in your corner and will always root for you! when i stayed up watching the vmas i literally SCREAMED when you won!!!

when i first started secondary school, i used to go through a ton amount of bullying and people coming at for over nothing everyday over literally just the way i looked and i used to get added to so many group chats and get mugs of me posted alllll over peoples snapchat stories just because i was a little bit different to everyone, but through all of that who was there for me? FOLKLORE AND EVERMOREEE 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️!! you’re music and a lot of the things you’ve said about mental health and empowering women has helped me find my voice and my confidence and to be myself no matter what and i’ve made every single moment since then to embrace myself as a person and make the most out of my life!

this year i’m about to sit my gcses which i honestly find so freaky! but to end this off, hopefully if you ever see this i’d love to one day be able to meet you and i know you propably get a thousand of messages a day of people asking the same thing, but to me meeting you would literally be a life long dream, i would love nothing more than to actually just sit and talk to you and hang out with you and literally just be two normal people having a conversation, so maybe if you do happen to see this..maybe it’ll work out 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

i love you tay, and i’ll always always be in your corner rooting for you!! <3

- sophie 🫶🏼

here’s my socials for any of y’all that want it!! :)

insta: sophiegrrce

snapchat: sophiegrxce12

twitter: sophsversionx

[florestmoon]

What about an Eddie fic inspired from the songs august-cardigan-betty trilogy from Taylor Swift? Absolutely tragic but with a happy ending. (cause my heart can handle angsty angst but cant handle sad endings) 😭😭

OH MY GOD. I saw this and dropped all the drafts I was working on, and couldn’t stop typing away. This is for the swifties </3 this idea. Mwah! Thank you ! This may not be the happiest ending as I struggled with it but I tried lol <3

Warnings: Angst. Angst. Angst. Hurt/some Comfort. Implications of cheating. Breakups. Swearing. Eddie being a total fucking idiot. Rekindling a friendship/relationship. Sort of? Open ending.

“I saw them together.”

It felt like the air had been knocked from your lungs, throat constricting as you tried to swallow down the biting ache that racked through your body. Tears stinging in the corner of your eyes as robins voice continued to bleed in your ear, hands white from gripping onto the phone tightly.

Robins voice wavered, the way it always did when she was on the verge of breaking into her incoherent rambles. “He—at the party last night. Me and Steve caught them, in the kitchen and, it was a split second but still—I’m sorry y/n, I had to tell you. And—“

The name Augustine blurring along with the small details that Robin pushed out. The same name that was introduced to you when a new girl moved into town. Someone who quickly made her spot in Hellfire’s club when she arrived.

You could only mumble a small okay to your friend, quickly thanking her before ending the call that had destroyed your whole being.

The silence that followed was deafening. You couldn’t tell if Robin’s retelling of Eddie’s infidelity was worse than the emptiness that greeted you as you stared into the darkness of your room.

You glanced at your bed, the sight of the white cardigan that Eddie bought you months prior, when Hawkins was still suffering from the harsh winter. Everything hit once you numbly laid down and pulled the soft material against your chest.

The smell of Eddie’s cologne and the smoke that marked his scent breaks the dam, your sobbing cutting through the silence of the room.

He tugs the sleeve of your cardigan up your arm, other hand brushing against your skin, drawing lazily with his fingertips. You stare down at the textbook, trying to ignore the light kisses that followed where his fingers had marked.

“You’re distracting me.” You mumble, giving in to glance at the doe like eyes already boring their way into you. Regretting it immediately when his lips push into a teasing smile.

“So my plan is working.” He hums, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close, between his legs and against his chest. “I thought I would have to throw that textbook out the window.”

“I would have grabbed another one..” You giggle when he nudge your cheeks with his nose, his huff tickling against your chin. “And smacked you with it.”

“Ohhh so we playing dirty now?” He gasp, tugging on a piece of hair. “I’m up for the challenge.”

“Oh shut it.” His hands are pushed off your waist and you reach forward for the textbook he managed to kick away with his foot. “You realize we both should be studying for Ms .O’donells final.”

“Do we have to?” He groans, hiding his face against your shoulder. Eddie tugs on a loose thread on your cardigan, wrapping it around his finger as he enjoys the sound of your voice.

“Yes we do! We made a promise that you would graduate this year, and begin looking into colleges with me.” You poke his head.

“Who will accept someone who had to repeat senior year two times?“ he sighs, allowing you to turn around in his arms and face him.

“Come on, my grades aren’t that great either Eds. My GPA isn’t exactly that of a honor student.”

“Then why are we even stressing over it?” He watches you. “You been wearing yourself thin over this stuff. I mean, seriously. You told me that you didn’t care about any of that college crap before.”

You shrug, looking down at your sleeves as his voice softens. “Your parents again?”

That tugging sensation that accompanied the thoughts of your parents and their plans they placed on you, coming back. Eddie cups your cheek as he notes this. The gesture encouraging so you nod.

“They keep bringing up these fancy universities that I already know I won’t get into.” You sigh and lean against his chest. “I don’t even think I want to get into them.”

“Then what do you want?” He asks softly. “You, not your parents.”

“I don’t know.” You sniff and bask into the warm embrace of his arms wrapping around your body. “I just want to be good enough for them .Not be seen as second place to my sister. For them to not look at me as the usual disappointment they think I am.”

Eddie arms tighten around you and he scoffs next to your ear. “How many times do I tell you that you are not a disappointment? And to stop comparing yourself to your sister.” He smooths his hand down your side.

“It’s hard when it’s all they do.” You groan into his chest. “She’s their favorite. And I’m..just there. It’s been like that my whole freaking life. Always second, never good enough, never the favorite—“

“Hey.” He makes you look at him. “I know this probably doesn’t sound as comforting, considering my reputation, but-“ he pinches your cheek. “You’re my favorite. Always will be my favorite girl.”

You stare up in awe and blush. He continues. “Your parents are clearly idiots and don’t see what a gem you are. Alright? I don’t want you letting their comments get to your head.”

You nod allowing him to bring you in a hug again, the sweet compliments and praises he washes over for the rest of the night push away all those insecurities that’s been built through out the years.

His whispers against your ear and kisses along your skin warming you up more than the cardigan wrapped around you.

“Please.” Eddie begs. His foot blocks your attempt to shut the front door in his face, ringed fingers gripping onto the edge of the door frame as he lets out a shaky breath.

“It was just a kiss.”

“Just a kiss? Wow.” You hiss, trying to push the door closed again. “You’re fucking unbelievable.”

“It was a fucking mistake!” He scans your face, trying to catch anything that wasn’t pure hatred that you threw at him. “I-i wasn’t thinking clearly, I was drunk.”

“Oh. Because that makes things any better.” You say bitterly, looking down at his sneaker. “Move your fucking foot.”

“Jesus. Please just listen to me, we can talk about this.” The panic in his voice and eyes was evident. “I was a fucking idiot ,a-and I never meant to hurt you and- and —“

“But you did. You did hurt me, Eddie.”

It was hard to keep your voice steady, the strong expression you had kept up for most of the confrontation was beginning to falter. Your bottom lip began to shake as a few tears escaped. Eddie expression drops.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” You sniff. Eddie remains silent and you scoff. “Or were you going to act like nothing happened? Like you didn’t do exactly what I was afraid of the moment you brought her into the club.“

You push the door open and push him back, glaring at him through the tears. “You lied. You gave me all this bullshit that I was your favorite girl, and that I was the one for you. All these fucking lies and I believed you. I believed every stupid lie you fed me.”

“They weren’t lies, I was never lying!” He shouts back. “I meant everything I said, I still do. You are the one for me y/n—“

“Then why did you kiss her?” You look between his eyes. “Tell me then. If any of it was true, why. did. you. kiss. her.”

Eddie opens his mouth but clamps it shut again, grimacing as he finds himself unable to answer.

“I’m sorry” He whispers, voice breaking. “I’m so sorry baby. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He pressed his face against his balled up fist in a pained expression. “I’m so fucking sorry. Let me fix this. Ill do anything. I’ll fix this, I’ll fix us. Please.”

“You can’t.” You shake your head wiping away your tears in anger. “There’s nothing to fix. There’s no us anymore, Eddie.” His name comes out shaky as you cry. “Okay?I’m done.”

Eddie own expressions breaks as he lets out a sob of his own, your words beginning to sink in. “Don’t. Please don’t do this. I can’t lose you.”

His tears only pushed at your anger, he wasn’t the one that was hurting from this. You weren’t the one that cheated, the one to break many promises. You weren’t the one that broke a trust that took so long to build, acted on urges that stabbed at the insecurities that were buried with kisses and declarations of love.

All those kisses left on your skin now leaving a burning reminder, a ghost of a tattoo, of the heart ache that you were sure wasn’t going to go away. No matter how many years passed, it will always linger. Forever haunting you as you try to forget what you and Eddie had.

Because that’s all you were left with now, memories and heartbreak. There was no longer kisses that would make things better, stopping the bleeding that came from deep scars, not when the boy behind them was now the sole reason for why you were breaking apart right now.

That didn’t mean you didn’t want it though. A kiss that would make everything better, but you could only stare at Eddie continued to cry in front of you. His eyes pleading and begging, hands shaking as he tries make eye contact.

You swallow down that lump in your throat and grip onto the door handle tighter. “It’s over Eddie.”

He tries to speak but you cut him off before he could continue to make excuses.

“You need to fucking leave. Now.” You step back into your home, ripping your eyes away from his torn expression. “I don’t want to see you again.”

“Y/N, no please—“

The door slams shut.

-

It felt like the whole floor was ripped from under him. A dark hole swallowing him whole ever since you closed the door in his face that night. The unanswered calls and your avoidance only sinking him deeper into the hole he made for himself.

It was a mistake. That night at the party, he was so out of it and didn’t know what he was doing. He wasn’t even suppose to be at the party but a quick call from Gareth, mentioning that a few students wanted to buy drugs and he was the only known dealer in town.

He should have denied, but the stress of graduation being around the corner and his grade in Ms. O’donells final still being unknown got to him.

Eddie wouldn’t have been surprised if he failed again, that graduation stage being something he simply wasn’t meant to walk on. But the only thing that made him care about that idea and the disappointment that would have followed if he didn’t, was you.

He wanted to graduate for you, to make you not be disappointed that you’ll have to wait and stay another year in Hawkins just because Eddie couldn’t stop being an immature fuck up.

That’s all he was. But you still saw through that and stuck with him. You knew him in a way that no one else did, or will ever. And what did he do?

He did what he was best at.

He fucked up. He let his worries and stress of being good enough get to him, took that excuse to drink and he royally, incredibly fucked up. He ruined the one good thing in his life and he didn’t know how to deal.

Graduation went by fast, he did end up graduating surprisingly which only made him feel worse, and he hasn’t heard from you. Summer begin and he didn’t know what to do anymore.

He thought maybe if he tried to get glances of you throughout town, driving by your home on random night, he could get the courage to try to speak to you again. But when he did, he was met with a sight that broke him.

It was known you were friends with Robin, so it shouldn’t be too surprising that you would begin hanging out with the blonde. But Steve Harrington? The sight of you two together, hanging out at the local diner was all it took for his hope to be demolished.

The fact that you both looked great together. The preppy and rich boy look that Harrington carried around went perfectly well with your cute sweaters and soft demeanor. Not contradicting like it did with his band tees and metal look.

Even if you always did remind him that you loved it, saying how happy you were with him.

He began torturing himself by walking down familiar streets, Hawkins plaza being a common spot for you both to hang out on slow weekends. His eyes staring down at the cobblestones that made up the side walk, slowly making his way to the hide out. Maybe a few beers will help.

He came to a stop when he nearly ran into a street lamp, groaning as he rubbed his shoulder before noticing a yellow sticker that was loosing its color against the metal pole.

“—and 86’ will be our year baby!” Eddie drunken speech has you giggling, gripping onto the street lamp and spinning around it. The light gives a clear view of the white cardigan that was snug on your figure,his leather jacket thrown over your shoulders as extra protection of the cold that was early February.

Both of the outwear clashing against each other, different in the aesthetics but he loved it. He loved everything about you, especially the way some strands of hair fell over your face as your spinning came to a stop.

Drunken amused expression gazing up at him, standing beneath the street light that wasn’t anything compared to how bright your smile was.

He upped his dramatics, wanting to keep your eyes on him.

“Hawkins will be no longer!” He shakes his head, hair falling out of the lazy ponytail that was held up by your scrunchie. “Me and My royal highness will be leaving behind this shithole and onto a kingdom she deserves!”

“And where exactly will this kingdom be at?” You ask, hugging the street lamp and looking at Eddie with wide puppy eyes. The hopeful expression you throw at him beats the feeling the alcohol in his system was giving him.

He places a hand above yours on the metal pole, on top of a bright yellow smiley face sticker, leaning in and whispering. “You tell me where. Name a place and I’ll take you there in a heartbeat. ”

Your eyes soften as his voice dips into a deeper genuine tone, no longer the dramatics that was Eddie’s overall personality. A tone that was only ever shared between you both.

You ponder then shrug.

“Anywhere.” You answer, smiling and reaching for his hand. “I don’t care where, as long as you’re by my side.”

His heart soars at that and a grin spreads across his face. Unable to hold in that giddiness that only you could give him, he bends down and grabs your waist, throwing you over his shoulder. Your shouts and complains echoing across the empty street.

“Anywhere it is!” He shouts over your laughter. “Once you graduate—“

“We, idiot!”

“ I’m going to take you far far away from here. Away from these peasants. But first..” he hiccups and realizes how empty the street actually was. “We need to find my van. Where the hell are we?”

“I thought you said it was parked this way, Eds!”

“Hey!” A voice calls out, snapping him out of the memory that was making the emptiness in his heart more prominent. He turns to see a car roll up and recognizes the face. “Well, hi stranger.”

Augustine smiles up at him, arm prepped on top of the rolled down window. How the hell did he let that smile reel him that night? It didn’t have the soft edges that yours did, it didn’t bring any type of feeling to him what’s so ever.

“Why the hell are you walking this late at night?” She asks after he only responds with a tense smile, looking down the street.

“Van broke down.” He says, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

It was a lie. He couldn’t handle the smell of your perfume that lingered, the trinkets you put on the dashboard, or your ghost in the passenger seat. The mixtape he made for the both of you to listen to was still in the cars stereo.

“Well shit. That sucks.” She laughs and bites her bottom lip. Her eyes hopeful. The look strikes him that she must have remembered that drunken night, a full memory for her while his was hazy. Bits and pieces he hated thinking about.

She takes in the defeated stance and sits up straighter, hoping her encouraging smile can lift him up.

“Cmon Eddie, get in. Let’s go for a drive.”

He stares back at her for a moment, ready to dismiss and continue his way to the hideout. But then he thought of you and Steve, the match made in heaven, and he finds himself resigning. Hoping this could fill the hole in his heart.

-

You didn’t think the pain could be any worse than it was, but apparently you were once again wrong. Summer went by agonizing slow. The full time job you got at Scoops Ahoy was the worst decision you could make because it meant having to endure seeing Eddie and Augustine together.

The first time it happened, they had walked into scoop ahoy right a few minutes shy of it closing. Augustine’s loud laughter forcing you to stand up straight, stomach churning when Eddie made eye contact with you.

He seemed as surprise as you were, it was the middle of July and it’s the first time you both ran into each other since graduation.

They looked..perfect together. Augustine always had that rocker vibe to her, something her and Eddie bonded over when she first sat at the lunch table. Their taste in music were the same, they dressed the same. They looked perfect together.

Augustine had a fierce look in her eyes (that would make anyone tense up if she glared at them, something you were jealous of) as she glanced between you two, expression dropping for a split second.

A look of sympathy, or even pity, crossing her expression as she threw you an awkward smile, before she began asking for one cone. Eddie remained silent, never tearing his eyes off you as you replied with your customer service voice, shakily taking his money.

You gave her the ice cream cone and he finally attempted to say something, but before he could fully say your name— Steve came bursting through from the employee room and glared daggers at him.

“Sorry, we’re about to close so you can’t eat in here.” He practically hisses, grabbing you by the shoulders, squeezing them in comfort and lightly pushing you towards the break room. “Can you take the trash out for me?”

You wasted no time to take your exit, leaving Eddie and Steve to their weird stare down. Maybe you cried in the bathroom instead of taking out the trash, but Steve made no comment on it. Driving you home and comforting you the way he has been the entire heartbreak.

July slowly rolled into August, then August transitioned into September. It went by like a breeze for Eddie, his days full of drug deals and doing whatever he could to forget about the missing piece in him.

He thought he could pull himself out of that hole if he simply kept himself distracted the whole summer. But it didn’t do jack shit, because he found himself standing in your front porch, with a hope that he could change this ending that he caused.

The sound of loud laughter, music and multiple people talking over each other can be heard from his spot.

Dustin had let it slipped that Robin was throwing a surprise party for you the day before, somehow the kid still wanted to be around Eddie despite the rest of hellfire not being able to look him in the eye yet. He asked what for, but Dustin went quiet and continued to focus on the campaign they were planning.

He knocks on the door and steps back a bit, willing his body to stay. Would you tell him to fuck off the moment you saw him? Jesus, that was the only way this could go but he had to try.

The door swings open and that familiar whiff of your perfume hits him. If he hadn’t cried his eyes dry the entire summer, he may have teared up at the comforting smell. Your hair was shorter, he notes. He always loved the way it framed your face when it was short. It’s been so long since—

“Eddie?” Your smile drops the second your eyes landed on him. His heart twists at that.

“Hey..” he licks his lips and clears his throat, glancing past your shoulder then at you. “I..uh can..can we talk?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” You continue to stare at him with no expression, seeming ready to shut the door again but he holds his hand out.

“I know. I know you told me you didn’t want to speak to me, or even see me again but.” He lets out a bitter laugh. “Shit y/n. You don’t understand how hard this has been for me—“

“For you.” You deadpan. “Yeah I really can’t imagine how this could hard for you.”

He frowns and shakes his head. “You haven’t spoken a damn word to me since May. You ignored my calls, had your mom tell me to basically fuck off whenever I came by, you didn’t let me at least try-“

“No.” You step out and slam the door shut behind you. “Eddie. You are not going to put this on me. This is your fault. I’m not the one that cheated !”

“I know! You don’t think I fucking know that?” He rubs his face and let’s out a strangled cry. “Fuck. I’ve been beating myself over it since it happened. It eats me alive. Day and night. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done and I wasn’t thinking clearly that night and I know that doesn’t excuse what I did, but I need you to understand that if I could change what I did, I would do it in a heartbeat. Because losing you—“

He removes his hands from his face and looks at you, your own expression beginning to break. “God, losing you—it’s breaking me. Tearing me apart.”

“Good.” You hoarsely state, crossing your arms and staring down at the ground. “You deserve it, Eddie. You deserve to feel this way.”

Eddie swallows hard and watches you. “Can you ever give me a second chance?”

You begin to shake your head and his heart breaks, his desperation taking over. “Please, why can’t you at least let me try to fix things?”

“Because there’s no coming back from what you did, Eddie. I don’t give two shits about your apologies okay? I’ve moved on.”

“What?” He bitterly laughs, “to fucking Steve the hair Harrington? That preppy asshole we use to hate? “ Your expression twist in confusion and he continues, voice rough dripping with venom. “I saw you all around town with him, all summer. Christ y/n, I never thought-“

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. A choke laugh escaping as you stared at Eddie in bewilderment. “Are you serious right now? You want to give me shit when you been out and about with the same girl you cheated on me with!”

He stammers as you poked his chest roughly. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to come here, begging for forgiveness when you been fucking her all summer.”

“It meant nothing.” He admits, gripping onto your wrist. A few tears rolled down your cheek as you try to pull away. “She doesn’t mean anything to me. I only did it so I could try to forget about you. All those nights..I only thought about you, you wouldn’t leave my mind. She’s not you.”

“I dreamt of you all summer, you know?” He sniffs. “God, I couldn’t even sleep in my room for weeks because you left some of your stuff there. Had to sleep in the couch and Wayne was pissed. Shit, the old man wouldn’t stop asking about you. Kept reminding what a dumbass I was, I thought he missed you more than I did—“

A broken laugh is all he gets from you and he continues. “But no. I missed you like crazy, and..and I mean it when I said I would do anything. Even for you to at least..talk to me? Or to look at me. I can’t handle you not being in my life anymore. And I don’t care how long it takes to build the trust again.”

“I’ll keep trying. Because that’s all I need, I need you to let me at least try. Even if it’s just for us to be friends again.”

“Friends?” You frown.

“Yes. Jesus, you were my best friend. And I miss having you around, I miss making you laugh, I miss hearing you voice pestering me every damn day. I miss everything. I miss us. And I’ll sell my damn soul to be able to get it back.. Shit, I’ll sell my guitar!”

You cry and go weak in his grip, letting for your chest to shake as you let out the tears that never seemed to run out. “God. You fucking idiot. I should fucking hate you Eddie Munson.”

He silently watches you and you get the courage to look up at him. “But I just..can’t. I guess I can never fully hate you.”

“y/n..” he whispers and you close your eyes, a few tears squeezing out. The apologies didn’t do much to soothe the ache in your heart, but you couldn’t deny you had missed him too. The summer was horrible without the usual late night rides you both would go on.

Something crashing in your room brings you out the small moment, Robins rambled apologies bursting the bubble.

“Eddie.” You start, looking back at your home and you frown, the party you seem to have forgotten coming back in mind. You get lost in thought then utter. “There’s no way we can fix things now. We just can’t.”

“Come on. ” His grip tightens. “There has to be, right? It may take a while and it’ll be fucking hard, I know I destroyed a lot but we can take it slow and, and..“

The look you threw him has him trailing off, his eyebrows furrowing as he tries to understand why you looked so..resigned. There’s a few seconds before you finally find your voice.

“I’m leaving Hawkins.”

Eddie feels as if he was drenched in cold water. He freezes, processing your words and can only stare blankly as you continue.

“I got accepted into a university.” You chuckle dryly. “Surprisingly.. but uh yeah. Managed to snatch a scholarship and everything. Go me.”

The surprise party suddenly makes sense—Dustin’s avoidance of his question.

“But..you hate the idea of college.” His mouth feels dry, stuffed with imaginary cotton that makes it difficult to even speak. “You told me that you were planning to tell your parents about our plan—how we..“

We were going to leave together. He wanted to say but the sharp look you gave him made it die on his tongue.

“Yeah well things change, apparently” You glance at him then down at the sleeve of your sweater. “Besides. It may not be the way I wanted to leave but..I don’t have anything that makes me want to stay.”

You have me. He trembles, everything finally setting in. It wasn’t fair for him to say that though, because the reality was— he had you but he ruined it. He thought he lost you before, but this was a whole new level of pain he wasn’t sure he could live with.

He thinks of the fact that it’s the first week of September and takes a deep breath. “When?”

“Tomorrow.”

Fuck.

“Oh.”

He has a distant look in his eyes and you stay silent. You had hoped you wouldn’t have to say goodbye, didn’t think he deserved one after everything. The kicked puppy look being another reason why you were ready to simply leave and not look back.

“Guess I’ll just keep missing you then.” He says finally, voice wavering as he silently cries. Tears streaming down his face as he tries to force down the complete heartbreak.

“And I’ll keep waiting.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, unable to look at him anymore. “Don’t. This is why I didn’t want to do this.”

“I’ll wait. You may not come back, but I’ll wait.”

“Stop, Eddie. Don’t do that to me or yourself—“

“I love you. You know I love you, and you know I’m never going to feel this way for someone else so I’ll wait—.”

“I knew you. I knew you, Eddie.” you look back at him and sigh. “Things are different now. We both know that.”

The door opens suddenly and Robin drunken grin transforms into shock, and she rambles. “Oh shit—uh, I’ll..uh, sorry! Jonathan was going to take pictures but—I’ll leave you guys alone or actually, no? Y/N, do you need..help?”

You shake your head and glance at the blonde. “No it’s fine, I was heading back inside right now.”

She clamps her mouth shut and nods, glancing at Eddie then disappearing behind the door. He’s unable to stop crying even you look back at him and glance back down. Unable to make eye contact.

“I should go.”

None of you move at first, the ghost of a goodbye hovering over you both. The inevitable end that you both desperately wished was different, finally making itself known.

You welcome it first, giving him one last smile and softly saying.

“Goodbye Eddie.”

He’s forced to watch you hesitate for a split second before turning around and pushing yourself into the home. Closing the door in his face for the second time.

He stares at the door for a few agonizing seconds before breaking down in your door steps, realizing that you telling him to simply fuck off would have been better than this.

You closed the door and press your forward against the wooden panels, trying to ignore the bleeding that seeped through reopened wounds.

The scars lingering, small what ifs already plotting their place into the back of your mind as you force yourself away from the door, away from Eddie—and back to the party.

—

December 1988

“Eddie! I need you out in the front?” The raspy voice of his insufferable boss, Ted, brings Eddie to roll out from underneath the car he was working on. He lets out a few curses as he sits up, setting down the tools and shouts back.

“I’m busy here, Ted. You deal with it. Didn’t you want me to fix this car before tomorrow morning?”

“I have an important call.” Complete bullshit. “ I have a customer that needs help with her car so get your ass out there.” The older male yells before he makes his way into his small office. He throws his head back and sighs. Of course.

Wiping some grease off his hands, he makes his way out from the back of the shop. He focuses on a certain spot on his wrist as he chirps out, “Fear not, Eddie’s here to fix whatever-“

He stops when he looks up, ready to greet the customer who was facing the other way with his easygoing smile when he’s hit with the sight of a white cardigan. Your head twirling around and his breath catches in his throat, a pathetic sound coming out as a result of it.

Eyes equally as wide, you take in Eddie’s appearance. The dirty blue jump suit hanged off his waist. Grease was not only staining his clothes, but his hands and arms. His hair was still long, something that you couldn’t help but admire, and it was pulled into a half bun.

“Eddie?”

“Y/N?”

You both gawk at each other before you finally tore your eyes away and laugh awkwardly. “Wow. I was kinda hoping I had more time before bumping into you.”

“You’re back.” He states once the shock begins to fade, taking in your appearance. The cardigan is what really floored him. You still had it all this time? He often stayed up at night thinking about whether you kept some of his belongs the same way he did.

One of your forgotten things— a sweater never left it’s place from his closet, never washed in fear that it wouldn’t smell like you again. He often was to afraid to touch it or take it out, afraid he cigarette stained fingers would ruin it.

Eddie continued to stare at you and you smile sheepishly, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Yeah. I’m back.” You chew your bottom lip and shrug. “Hawkins bad luck proves itself again though, my car died right when I got here. Luckily i noticed that there was something new in town..”

You glance around the shop and hug yourself. Eddie stun silence is finally broken as the mention of your car.

“Right. Your car.” He clears his throat. “Uh I’ll check that out for you. Probably the battery or something—“

“Most likely. It’s a piece of junk.” You scoff looking back at your car and kicking one of the wheels. Eddie glances at it and shrugs.

“Nothing compared to mine though.” He whistles, feeling himself began to ease into the light atmosphere. His nerves still had hands trembling.

You snort and follow him to your car, popping the hood open for him and leaning against the car as he begins to check it out. You allow yourself to look down the street, breathing in the cold air and the sight of Hawkins.

Eddie checks the battery. “Jesus how old is this thing?”

“I don’t know.” You raise an eyebrow when Eddie shoots you a look. “What! I’ve never been a car person, you know this.”

“Well I can get you a new battery, the problem is..” he sighs and looks at you. “I’ll have to order one. With how old this piece of shit is—“

“Hey!”

“And it’ll probably take a week.” He finishes, throwing the rag over his shoulder and closing the hood. You groan and slump against the vehicle.

“Great. First day here and I can’t even make it all the way to my house.”

“I can drive you.” He quickly says. “My shift ended 30 minutes, that dickhead just loves having me around so much.”

He rolls his eyes and you can’t stop your own smile from growing. A small pang of hope etching into his chest at the sight. He forgot how much it warmed him up inside. The cold breeze of December had no match against it.

You think for a moment then look back at your car. “You better still have that ugly van because I need space for my suitcases.”

Eddie gasps in offense and holds his heart. “Ugly? You use to say you loved my van?”

“Oops. Secrets out.” You grin before unlocking your trunk and pushing a bag into his arms.

~

“I honestly thought my ears were playing tricks on me when I heard him yell your name.” You muse, watching the trees become a blur out the window. “Because Eddie? A mechanic?”

“Wayne knew the guy.” Eddie explains, trying not to focus too much on the fact that his passenger seat was finally filled again. “Wouldn’t quit until I agreed to work there. It was easy to learn though.”

“Huh.” You shake your head and laughs. “Wasn’t expecting that at all.”

“What? You thought I would be selling drugs my whole life? Besides, no other place wanted to hire me.”

“No.” You frown, sitting up. “That’s not what I meant. I just mean…I guess I expected you to be gone.”

“Gone?” He throws you a questioning look.

“Yeah like..eventually you would have left Hawkins. Maybe decide that corroded coffin would play somewhere else that wasn’t the hide out.”

Eddie goes quiet at that and you get the courage to look at him. His face was soft, sadness swimming in his eyes. “I told you I would wait.”

You’re struck with that conversation that occurred two years ago. Two years since you forced yourself to leave and attempted to forget your first love, and your first heartbreak. A lump grows in your throat and you stare at the road.

“I meant what I said.” He says sadly. “You may have thought I was just saying that. That it was lies but. I waited. Even if I wanted you to leave and be happy, I still wanted to wait. Just in case.”

“In case I came back.” You mumble. “And I did.“

He slows down to a stop in front of your home and you stare at the front door, exhaling. “You know..I didn’t think I would ever miss it. Hawkins. But I did, couldn’t stop even if I was in some expensive school in New York.”

“Are you on winter break?” He asks cautiously, the mention of college making him realize how temporarily this is. “When are you going back?”

You go quiet. He cuts the engine and waits, watching you as you look at him with a half smile.

“I’m not. I dropped out.”

“What?”

“You were right Eds.” Eds. Fuck he missed that. “College isn’t for me, I only did it for my parents and I realized in the beginning of my second year that I couldn’t stand following whatever plan they set out for me.”

“But you wanted to leave Hawkins no matter what—“

“You did too.” You cut in, getting defensive. “You also wanted to leave once, but still stayed. Even when I told you to not do that to yourself. So we’re both idiots who never really left their hometown huh?”

He swallows, not really knowing what to say at first.

“I’m taking it that you dad had an aneurysm.” He half jokes but it hits. You laugh, music to his ears and lean back against the seat.

“Oh yeah. That phone call was not pleasant. I’m sure a lecture is waiting for me.” Your smile is easy as you roll your head to look at him. “I can hear it now. Hear them saying that I proved them once again that I was the family disappointment and my sister would never do such a thing—“

“You’re not a disappointment y/n.” Eddie stops you and your voice gets caught in your throat, struggling to not let the tears brim from the look he throws at you.

All those memories of the same comforting words, the same adoration in his eyes whenever he held you and whispered the same words in your bedroom. It came rushing back and you had to refrain yourself from asking him to kiss things better.

Sure, maybe you healed from the initial heartbreak. But that didn’t mean it didn’t leave a scar, and you were afraid you might break if you continued to be in his presence, and ask him to kiss that scar. To trace it with lazy drawings of stars and sweet whispers.

“I should go.”

Eddie looks away, the same words from two years ago haunting him again, and nods, gripping onto the steering. He lets go to follow you to exit the van, grabbing some of your suitcases and helping to carry it to your porch.

He readies himself for the goodbye you will throw his way, confirmation that this small interacting will be all he will get.

But he didn’t want another goodbye. Not again on the same porch. He promised himself that he would wait, he did and you were back. It had to mean something. He told you that he would try. And he will.

“We still do play at the hide out.” You set down the last bag inside your home, keeping the door open with your foot and tilt your head at this. “Corroded coffin. You were right, never left that stupid bar.”

He chuckles and twirls one of the rings around his finger nervously. “Every Tuesday. Guess that’s something else that didn’t change in Hawkins.”

You blink and he rushes out before he loses the courage. “You should come see us. Tomorrow. We could use the usual critiques, you always were the one who could tell us how to be better and all.”

You hum, “Yeah. Gareth always was off with those drums.” You cough, and shrug. “I’ll see. Maybe I’ll stop by.”

Eddie shoulders deflates and nods, “Okay. Yeah, cool. If you don’t, that’s fine!” He begins stepping down the porch steps. “I’ll give you a call once your cars all ready. You know what, I can even drive it here myself. So uh yeah…”

The bye was ready on his lips, his face grimacing at the thought of going back to that emptiness of his van but you speak up. Flinching as though your mouth spoke before you thought clearly.

“I’ll be ready at 8.”

“..What?”

“Tomorrow.” You step into your home and glance back at him, your face now unreadable. “Your gigs always start at 9 right? Pick me up at 8.”

“Pick you..pick you up..right! Yeah, I’ll pick you up at 8.” He stammers, pulling a strand in front of his face as you raise an eyebrow. “That sounds like a plan. Then I’ll see you tomorrow?”

His voice is hopeful and you could only smile, having missed that boyish demeanor on him. “Yes eddie. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You close the door and sigh, leaning back against it. Hoping that you were making the right decision, hoping he was ready to make up on his promise of doing anything.

Eddie stared at the door, but instead of guilt or heartbreak that usually followed, he was met with hope. Something that grew as he walked back to his van, a bump in his step.

A hope that maybe—there could be a different ending for you and him.

[sweetpinkchampagne]

tolerate it

pronouns: female pronouns are used

relationship: fem reader x stephen strange (marrieddd)

warnings: angst to the max, mention of the feeling to need to throw up or want to throw up

note: i titled this reluctantly because "wait by the door like im just a kid, use my best colours for your portait, lay the table with the fancy shit, and watch you tolerate it" reminded me of this, not in the respect that stephen is ignorant, but hes just absent.. (in this) ok i love you, i hope you enjoy. (major swiftie if u cant tell)

“are you kidding me?” your words echoed through the halls of the sanctum, bouncing off the walls and ricocheting back to where you were both standing. you weren’t angry, far from angry - you were downright livid. your cheeks were flushed and your ears were burning, there he stood with his stupid god forsaken ‘i'm sorry’ look plastered on his face. he let you speak, knowing that talking back would just add fuel to the fire. 

“one day stephen. one goddamn day, that’s ALL i asked you for.” your voice broke during the last part of your sentence, tears welling up in your eyes. it sounded selfish to somebody who wasn’t in your position. you knew he needed to protect the world, you knew that when you married him - but things weren’t working well lately. he was home late and gone before you woke up. it was as if you weren’t even in a married. you tried your best to be understanding, he had more important things to attend to - but jesus christ it hurt. it hurt waking up to a cold bed, preparing dinner for yourself, by yourself..

you bit the side of your cheek, furious with yourself that you had hot tears streaming down your cheeks as you sobbed looking at him from across the entrance of the sanctum. your throat burned, bile creeping up, you felt sick, nauseous constantly, and your doctor was never around to help fix it. he had to fix the world instead.

he had promised today was your day, one day away from the chaos of being an avenger and a sorcerer. he was called into work, something ‘non-negotiable’ came up. you had made a reservation at a restaurant you were both going to eat at tonight. deep down, you knew you had to cancel it, honestly there was no saying when he would be home. but you couldn't bring yourself to call the restaurant. again.

“baby…i’m so sorry. i know i haven’t been around lately”. he said softly, he hated seeing you cry. you stood there staring at him. fiddling with your shirt like a kid who just got in trouble.

“please understand my sweet girl..i have to go, it’s not going to be like this for the rest of my career, i promise.” 

he walked over to you, his arms wrapping around you. you wanted to scream, kick and fight. beat your hands against his chest in rejection and walk off. the last thing you wanted right now was an apologetic hug - but you gave in. sobbing in his arms, your head tucked into his chest as he cooed gently and rubbed your back soothingly. 

“i know honey.. i know. god i’m so sorry.” he kissed the top of your forehead, gently breaking away from the embrace. 

the sound of his boots padded outside as he left the sanctum sanctorum. and then he was gone.

[canirove]

Rice, Rice, baby | Chapter 24

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

“Olga, do we seriously have to watch this?”

“You agreed to it, Liv.”

“I know, but… I don't know half the people they are interviewing. Like, who is that?”

“I don't know who that is either” Olga shrugs. “But Taylor Swift is attending and winning like half the awards, so as a swiftie, I must watch it.”

“Is it mandatory or something?” I chuckle. 

“Yes” she says, giving me her most serious look. 

“You lot are so weird…”

“Thank you” she replies, sticking out her tongue and focusing on the tv again.

Why did I agree to spend my Friday night at Olga's place watching some video music awards I'm not interested in? Oh, yes. Because she promised me homemade chocolate cake, and I couldn't say no to it. That, and that she also agreed to come to Declan's game tomorrow, so I had to do something she liked in exchange.

But if I'm being honest, I needed this. I needed to leave the house for a while and disconnect. 

My parents are being extra protective, constantly asking me if I am feeling ok, where I’m going, if I'm going alone, if I'm driving on my own… Between them and Madders, they are making me feel as if I am a porcelain doll, and I am just pregnant. 

“Can I get more cake?”

“Liv!”

“What?”

“You already ate two slices!”

“And?”

“And that's enough. I don't want you being sick in the middle of the night.”

“Yeah, me neither” I reply. The dizziness is gone and I am finally feeling like myself again. Or as myself as I can be while growing a human being. I don't need to go through that again.

“Oh, look. We do know her” Olga says, nodding towards the tv. 

“Yeah” I sigh. Declan's girlfriend. She's currently posing on the red carpet, all cameras on her.

“She dresses so badly, tho… It's like her worst enemy is her stylist. Is that your side job?”

“Uh?” I say, my eyes still fixed on her, on how effortlessly she moves and smiles.

“She is dressed by her worst enemy, and you kind of are that to her.” 

“What?” I laugh.

“You are having a baby with her boyfriend, Liv.”

But before I can say anything to Olga, she's being interviewed, the mention of Declan's name making me put all my attention on her again.

“Where is Declan tonight? We were expecting to see you posing together” the reporter says.

“He has an important game tomorrow, he has to be focused on that. But even if he had been free, he wouldn't have come” she says.

“How so?”

“Declan and I have broken up.”

“Oh my God!” Olga gasps, looking from the tv to me and back at the screen.

“Really? You were one of our favourite couples!”

“Yeah, well…” she shrugs. 

“May I ask what happened?” the reporter asks her.

“That's between him and I. I'm sorry” she replies with her best smile.

“Liv… Did you… Did you know about this?” Olga asks me.

“I had no idea” I say, my eyes still fixed on the tv. What the hell did just happen?

“You have to call Declan.”

“What?”

“Call him and ask him if it is true.”

“Wouldn't that be… weird? Like, I would be calling him five minutes after she's announced it. What if he thinks I'm doing it to open old wounds or because I'm happy about it?”

“Are you?” she asks me, arching an eyebrow.

“Am I what?”

“Happy about them breaking up, Liv.”

“Of course not” I quickly say. But I am. There is a part of me that is happy she is getting to feel something similar to what I felt during the summer because of her, that heartbreak. And another part of me, the one I'm trying to ignore, is celebrating because now Declan’s attention will only be on me and the baby. Because now I won't have to share him with anyone, and because maybe he and I… No. No, no, no. We aren't going there, Olivia. “I'm actually worried about him. Break ups aren't easy.”

“Then call him as the worried friend that you are.”

“Yes. As a friend” I say. Though more to myself than to Olga. Because that's all we are. Friends who are having a baby together, but friends.

“Wait, where are you going?” she says when I grab my phone and get up from the sofa.

“Somewhere private since this is a private conversation. Besides, you don't want to miss seeing Taylor, do you?”

“I… Ok, fine. Message received” she says, crossing her arms over her chest while I move to the kitchen.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Liv, are you ok? And the baby? Did something happen?”

“Hello to you too, Declan” I chuckle. 

“Hi, sorry. But is everything ok? Why are you calling me this late?”

“We used to talk this late all the time.”

“We used to, yeah” he smiles over facetime. “Anyway, did something happen?”

“It did. But it isn't about me or the baby, we are ok.”

“Then?” 

“Well… I'm at Olga's watching some video music awards because Taylor Swift is attending and she is obsessed with her, and we saw your girlfriend being interviewed on the red carpet. Though she said she is your ex girlfriend.”

“Oh… I see.”

“Is it true?” I ask, trying to look as neutral as I can and as if my heart wasn't beating like crazy.

“Yeah, I guess” Declan shrugs.

“What?”

“We had an argument because she kept telling me that I wasn't paying her enough attention lately, I told her it was because of you and the baby, and she didn't take it too well” he shrugs again.

“You… told her about me?” 

“Yeah. Didn't you want me to?”

“No, yes, I mean… She is… was your girlfriend, she deserved to know. I just… I didn't expect her to break up with you.” Ha! You are such a liar, Olivia. You know there was a part of you hoping it would happen. “How are you?”

“Pse” he shrugs once again. But what does that mean? Isn't he bothered by it? Hurt? He doesn't care? And why would he feel like that? Didn't he love her? Urgh, so many questions! “I only fear she may write a song about me now” he chuckles.

“Well, she's at the same place as Taylor Swift. She may help her and give her some ideas” I laugh.

“I heard you, Olivia!” Olga says from the living room.

“And I thought I had told you this was a private conversation!” I reply.

“As if you weren't going to tell her everything the moment you hung up” he laughs.

“Exactly! But Declan… Are you sure you are ok?”

“I'm fine, Liv. That relationship wasn't going anywhere, so the sooner it ended, the better. And the sooner I go to bed, the better too. We have a big game tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course. Sorry for calling you this late and to talk about something like this. But I… I was worried about you. About how you may be feeling.”

“Thank you, Liv” he smiles. “I really appreciate it.”

“You're welcome” I smile back.

“Will I see you tomorrow at the game?”

“Yep. Olga is coming with me, that's why I'm watching those awards with her. Today we do something she likes, and tomorrow we do something I like.”

“Oh, so you like coming to watch me play?” Declan asks with a teasing smile.

“I actually go because of Ødegaard. Do you know if he is single and likes kids?”

“Not funny, Olivia.”

“Sorry” I shrug, trying to keep playing it cool. Did Declan just get jealous? 

“Hasn’t your dad got suspicious?”

“About what? My crush on Ødegaard?” I tease him again, making him roll his eyes. I think he is jealous. Oh… my God.

“About disappearing every time Arsenal is playing.”

“No, so far he hasn't. And let's hope it stays like that” I say, touching the table. “I don't know what excuse I could give him.”

“Maybe that Olga has a crush on me and wants to go watch me play?” 

“You aren't her type, Declan” I laugh. Also did he just tease me back?

“Why not? Doesn't she like tall handsome guys with beautiful eyes and great hair?”

“So humble” I laugh again. “And she does. She actually likes tall handsome guys and girls with beautiful eyes and great hair, especially if they eyes are blue and the hair blonde.”

“Oh… I see. That's why she likes Taylor.”

“Yep.”

“And I guess that's why when Jack tried to flirt with her when we were with the national team, she ignored him. He didn't have a chance with her, he isn't blonde.”

“Or tall, or handsome, or has nice hair, or…”

“Rude, Olivia” Declan laughs. “Anyway, gotta go. See you tomorrow, ok?”

“Ok” I smile.

“Good night, Liv. And good night to you too, little man.”

“Good night from the both of us” I reply, moving my phone so he can see the bump.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Well?” Olga asks me when I'm back in the living room with her.

“They broke up.”

“Really? Why?”

“He told her about me and the baby.”

“Oh my God” she gasps. “Though it was the right thing to do. Telling her, I mean. And I guess her reaction also is fair. Finding out that your boyfriend has gotten his ex pregnant while being with you…”

“I'm not his ex, Olga.”

“Maybe not officially, but you were somehow together.”

“I guess” I sigh.

“What else did he tell you?”

“Uh?”

“He told you something else, I can see it in your face.”

“He… he said that their relationship wasn't going anywhere.”

“No!” she gasps again. 

“Yep. And then he... It was the way he redacted when I joked about going to tomorrow's game to watch Ødegaard instead of him. I think… I think he got jealous.”

“He… wait, no. No, no, no, no, Olivia” Olga says. “Don't go there.”

“There? Where?”

“There!” she says, moving her hand in front of me. “To oh, he broke up with his girlfriend, said that their relationship wasn't working, and now he seems to be jealous of me maybe seeing someone else. Could it be because he loves me?”

“I'm not going there, Olga” I chuckle. But I am so close, tho. So so close… 

“Yes, you are. I get that you've forgiven him because he's the father of your kid and he's been lovely since you told him, that you want things to be good between you two because of the baby's sake. But Liv, don't let that trick you into falling in love with him again.”

“That won't happen.”

“Liv, I'm serious. Or have you forgotten about how he broke your heart? About how he was cheating on you while being together, about how he was constantly ghosting you and manipulating you?”

“He didn't manipulate me, Olga.”

“Didn't he?” she laughs. “He would ignore you for a week, making you feel like shit, and then behave as the perfect boyfriend so you would forget about it all. And he did it more than once.”

“Well, it won't be happening again, because I'm not going to fall in love with him.” 

“Liv…”

“I'm not, Olga” I insist. Because if there is something I've realized while dealing with all the hormones and the mix of feelings I'm experiencing, and after what happened when we went shopping together… is that I still love Declan. That despite everything I went through, despite how much he hurt me… I haven't stopped loving him.

“You better” Olga says, threatening me with her finger. “Because I'm sure you've already dreamt about getting back together with him and raising the baby as a little happy family.”

“That's just a dream. You've said it yourself.”

“Wait, you have actually thought about it? Olivia!”

“I… Yeah, after the first scan” And basically every time we've been together. Or when I've been with Madders and Kennedy and I've seen them with their kids. Or when I've crossed paths with a couple and their baby on the street. Or when… “But I know it is just a dream and that it won't be happening.”

“Liv…”

“It is just a dream” I insist. One that I very much would like to become a reality, especially now that he is single again… But just a dream.

[hughesmedicine]

just a bunch of swifties 5

decided to do this before the next one(which was my original plan!) also in this the kings and ducks are playing each other so

trevor zegras x !hughes reader

surprising the boys with era tickets fic/insta edit!

hopefully the fic is okay, still not confident in my writing!

jabosml(masterlists)

the guys we’re currently at their games which was playing in the background while I waited for the queue to move forward, my knee was bouncing up and down while I looked over at the game seeing z score. I smiled and turned back to the computer seeing that the queue moved forward with 300 people being in front of me, I sighed leaning back into the couch but then I realized my drink was empty so I got up going into the kitchen opening the fridge, grabbing the new drink and quickly went back to my seat noticing that I’m 3 people away from being let in and that the game went into overtime. I quickly sat down grabbing out my card information and it let me in, I quickly typed in everything and picked the seats I wanted and sent it through I put my hands together and closed my eyes trying to stay calm. A few minutes later I opened my eyes and I saw I got the tickets and trevor made the final goal winning the game, I cheered for both smiling. I texted z knowing he would it check it later

y/n: hey babe, bring alex back with you after the game!

I got a response about 10 minutes later saying he would and that they’re swinging by somewhere for food, I sent him my order and moved the laptop to the side. Just going on my phone scrolling on whatever app I have. I heard the guys enter about 30 minutes after coming into the living room all plopping down on the couch and trevor handed me the food. “Thanks babe but I got good news for you all” I said setting my food on the table. “Oh yeah what is it y/n/n?” Alex said looking at me as jamie and trevor did too. “I got us tickets to the eras tour!” I said smiling again. “wait wait wait are you serious?? Please tell me this isn’t some fucked up prank for your failed YouTube career.” Alex said crossing his arms. “Failed YouTube career?” Trevor asked confused. “alex you promised you wouldn’t tell anybody but yes I’m serious.” I said pulling up the website saying we got tickets. The boys quickly pulled me into a hug squishing me in the middle and thanking me over and over again. “Okay can you guys let me go, I can’t fucken breathe.” I said trying to get out. “oh right sorry.” They all said letting me go. “I got them for the second night so we’ll have to book a flight to Arizona.” I said taking a bite out of my food. “okay that’s fine, so flight at 4 am?” trevor said. “Yep that works” I said cuddling into his side and putting on a movie for all of us to watch.

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, trevorzegras, jamie.drysdale and others.

yourusername: can’t wait to meet you again bestie!

tagged: taylorswift

load more comments..

taylorswift: omg so excited to take pictures with you!<33

| trevorzegras: I’ll never get use to you two being friends.

| yourusername: you better, I’m bringing her around more and no fainting when I do!

| trevorzegras: you know I can’t control it.

trevorzegras: I’m gonna be sick, I can’t believe we’re actually going

| jamie.drysdale: I still think I’m dreaming.

| _alextorcotte: no same.

| yourusername: believe it boys

_quinnhughes: omg sis congrats on getting the tickets!

| yourusername: thanks quinny

jackhughes: so this is what the money I sent you was for??

| yourusername: yes thanks for sending the money!

| jackhughes: you could have used trevors money!

| yourusername: but its more fun taking your money plus I didn’t want trevor to look at his charges on his phone so that’s why

| jackhughes: okay fair but have fun!

lhughes_06: so does this mean I get to go too?

| yourusername: yes moosey, I also got quinn and jack tickets too! | jackhughes: i basically bought my own ticket but I’m so excited to go woo!

| yourusername: stop faking enthusiasm.

| jackhughes: I’m not

| yourusername: shocking

| _quinnhughes: I’m actually excited to go! Best friend gave me the idea for this!

[ghostwoe]

legacy to leave

dean winchester.

notes — don’t read if you don’t wanna cry over his (pathetic) death & yes i thought of maroon because i’m only of the biggest swifties <3

masterlist

THE MOMENT — that the world froze as y/n looked upon their beloved hunter against that wooden pole and noticed he was catching his breath. his green irises flickered towards them as he called for both sam and y/n to hold on a moment.

y/n knew in that moment what was going on. they had seen it too many times in their lifetime, even outside of the winchester brothers, to know. poor sam was just barely catching on before dean placed a loving hand upon his younger brother’s own shoulder as y/n stepped closer.

“seems like i’ll never be getting those twenty bucks you owe me, huh?” y/n joked as they tried to keep their eyes from welling up with tears as they watched both men start to cry at the moment while dean tried to keep himself upright, balancing himself off of sam. “really sorry about that sweetheart,” dean’s breath caught for a moment as he grinned as big as he could manage, “maybe sammy will give you them.”

“i can’t do this without you.” sam spoke as the tears streamed down his cheeks and he gasped for breath, causing dean to smile and reassure him. “you can.” that caused y/n to sniffle and sigh as the tears finally broke free and slid down their own cheeks. “yeah well… i don’t want to.” sam replied and y/n found their own self grabbing both of their boys hands to try to comfort the pair.

“baby. . .” the eldest winchester had begun as he glanced over at his beloved. “i know this is a lot to put on you but promise me besides yourself that you’ll take care of sammy and baby? as the three of you are my legacy.” y/n let a sadden grin crawling upon their face as they leaned close to press a gentle kiss upon his lips for the final time. they leaned after dean and laid gently across him as he fell forward to hug his brother one last time. sam was quick to wrap his arms around the couple for once last joint group hug.

what a real fucking legacy, to leave, dean.

[miley1442111]

down bad- jj maybank

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: yes, i am a swifty- sorry lmao. I was thinking of doing a story for every track but we'll see how that ends up lol.

intended for fem!reader

summary: based off of down bad by taylor swift

pairings: jj maybank x fem!reader, (platonic) rafe cameron x adopted sister

warnings: break-ups, no happy ending

Did you really beam me up

In a cloud of sparkling dust

Just to do experiments on

Tell me I was the chosen one

Show me that this world is bigger than us

Then send me back where I came from?

It was another party and another useless attempt at calling Jj. You sat in the corner, exhaustion pulling at your eyelids, yet you stayed. You stayed for the small chance that Jj might come. It might’ve been your birthday, but you’d never been less merry in your life.

For a moment, I knew cosmic love

What happened? You two had been the pogue couple. You two were perfect for each other, his teenage petulance, your logical mindset. You were going to college on the mainland, you’d probably bring him with you. At least, that’s what the entire island thought. 

You were his sense. You were his saviour. You stopped his excessive drinking and smoking. You were there for him every time he stood up to his father. You helped him with schoolwork when everyone else had given up on him. You stayed by his side, always. 

And he discarded you. 

Now I'm down bad, cryin' at the gym (Cryin' at the gym)

Everything comes out teenage petulance

Fuck it if I can't have him (Fuck it if I can't have him)

I might just die, it would make no difference

Down bad, wakin' up in blood (Wakin' up in blood)

Starin' at the sky, come back and pick me up

Fuck it if I can't have us

I might just not get up, I might stay

You sat there all night, waiting for a sign of him. He didn’t show. He forgot your birthday. He must’ve really been done with you. 

As you swept up the remnants of a party you didn’t want, a familiar voice rang through the house. 

“You alright?” Rafe, your brother. You wanted to scream, but you took a deep breath instead, a pleasant smile on your tear-stained face. 

“Fine,” you lied. “How are you?”

“I heard Jj left you,” he sighed. “I’m sorry-”

“If you’re here to gloat Rafe, I’m not in the mood,” you sighed. “Just go.”

He didn’t move. “I’m sorry-”

You rolled your eyes and pulled his hand off you. “Leave me alone.”

“I’m here for you, you know that, right?” 

You didn’t want Rafe to be there for you, you wanted Jj to be there for you. You hadn’t felt rejection and devastation like this break-up. Jj was your first love, your first everything. Every time you closed your eyes you felt his hands on your body, his whispers in your ear, his smile on your skin. 

Down bad (Like I lost my twin)

Fuck it if I can't have him (Down bad)

Down bad (Wavin' at the ship)

Fuck it if I can't have him

“You’re my everything,” he whispered, a hand dusting your waist. “We don’t have to do anything.”

You shook your head. “I want to,” you promised. 

“You sure princess?” he smiled. You nodded. 

I loved your hostile take-overs

Encounters closer and closer

All your indecent exposures

How dare you say that it's?

I'll build you a fort on some planet

Where they can all understand it

How dare you think it's romantic

Leaving me safe and stranded?

'Cause fuck it, I was in love

So fuck you if I can't have us

(Ah)

'Cause fuck it, I was in love

You opened your eyes again, tears spilling freely. “Get out Rafe.”

“I don’t think you want that.”

“I do,” You sobbed. “I want you and everyone else on this shitty island out of my fucking life! I can’t fucking wait to get out of here, away from you and fucking away from Jj! I hate you Rafe, truthfully, I do. But I hate Jj even more, and you’re just here because your dad asked you to be and we both know it, so if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to be left alone.”

Jj stilled, the flowers in his hand falling to the floor. You turned at the sound and another choked sob left your throat. 

“Get out of my life!” You shouted, running up the stairs to your bedroom. 

Now I'm down bad, cryin' at the gym (Cryin' at the gym)

Everything comes out teenage petulance

Fuck it if I can't have him (Can't have him)

I might just die, it would make no difference

Down bad, wakin' up in blood (Wakin' up in blood)

Starin' at the sky, come back and pick me up

Fuck it if I can't have us

I might just not get up,I might stay

Rafe sighed and looked at Jj. “What the fuck are you doing here man?”

“I wanted to see her,” he mumbled.

“You fucked her up, get out,” Rafe was baring his teeth. “I’m not telling you twice.”

“Please-” he tried but Rafe just sighed. 

Down bad (Like I lost my twin)

Fuck it if I can't have him (I'm down bad)

Down bad (Wavin' at the ship)

Fuck it if I can't have him

The summer months passed, you went to the mainland for an internship and slowly tried to forget about Jj. He forgot about you. You dreamt of him every night, wished for him every day.You left thousands of messages. 

He didn’t read them.

Like I lost my twin

Fuck it if I can't have him

Down bad (Wavin' at the ship)

Fuck it if I can't have him

[fernandezology]

hii, idk if you like this because i’m bad at coming up with scenarios but maybe something with mason inspired by ‘style’ by taylor swift? I love that song and I know you’re a swiftie🥰

made your mark on me

- mason mount

Rust that grew between telephones was unbearable. It’s been a while since you have heard from Mason. You were wide awake despite the fact that it was late and the streets were quiet and peaceful. Lights from the street didn’t illuminate your room as they usually do,they were overpowered by fog. Silk sheets underneath you and the scent of musk remind you even more of him. His absence.

Moments spent together were replaying in your head and it kept your mind occupied from pictures that your friends sent you a few days ago. Him with another girl. Who is she and why were you replaced with her? “Please don’t be in love with someone else.” you whispered to yourself,hoping he would magically hear it.

Two of you weren’t official,but that didn’t make this any easier. Was anything he ever said to you sincere? Did he already forget about you? Forgetting him wasn’t an option for you,it’s hard not to remember with how much passion he kissed you last time. If you knew that was the last time,you would hold him as long as possible. Your hands were always cold,but he loved how they felt whenever you cupped his face with them.

Your thoughts were interrupted by an incoming call. From an unknown number? Truthfully,you didn’t have the energy to deal with prank calls or whatever that was. Whoever it was,they were persistent about hearing from you since you got another seven calls until you decided to answer the call. Before you even get the chance to ask who it was,you hear a familiar voice.

“Y/N,please don’t hang up and hear me out. Please.”

His change in voice didn’t go unnoticed,he sounded like he was crying,his voice more quiet and softer than it usually is. You took a deep breath and wanted to sound as calm as possible.

“You are unbelievable…but okay what do you have to say?”

He sighed,released you didn’t hang up immediately. Even if you did,he knew it would be well deserved.

“Wanna come for a drive? We should talk and I promise I will explain everything you wanna know.”

It was hard to say no to him,especially in the state you were in now. You needed him. So desperately to the point that it frightened you, what if he just wants to end things?

“I’ll be there soon and thank you. You have no idea how much I needed you this whole time.”

This was exactly why midnights brought you comfort. Your rides with no destinations. Waiting for sunrises if your schedules allowed it. Talking all night with no interruptions,laughing while blasting music, confessing how much both of you are scared of being vulnerable to someone.You quickly put on your coat and red lipstick because he would emphasize how it’s made for you. And because he loved ruining it and seeing it on his cheeks. It is safe to say that you made your mark on him, literally and figuratively.

The street was still dark so you assumed he hadn’t come yet and the anticipation slowly killed you. It felt like he called you hours ago. A few moments later,you heard a knock on your door and you opened it for him. He immediately embraced you tightly. “Never let me go,do you hear me Y/N? “ You cupped his face and even though it was dark,you saw pure bliss and love in his eyes.

“Wasn’t planning on it, but you were the one who left me and they saw you with some other girl.”

“What you heard is true,but I can’t stop thinking about us and I’m so sorry that it had to come to this. I’m an idiot for letting you go and possibly losing you for good. It’s not an excuse,but you already know how scared I am of ruining what we have and hurting you.”

“Do you think about me?” He raised his eyebrows at that question and sat on your couch and pulled you into his lap.

“Sometimes it feels like I think about you every minute,” he whispered.

“I hate how much I want you,” you admitted. “It’s a weakness.”

“Then it will be a weakness we share.”

“Speaking of weaknesses,” he started as he was taking off your coat, “you know what’s my other weakness?”

a/n: open for any kind of feedback and requests if you have any, i hope you liked it<3 to be honest, i wasn’t sure about posting this but i dedicate my first post to @yungbludz and @jesssssssssica 🥰 thank you so much for your support,advice and help with this!

[lambertdiary]

heyy so obviously i'm a big swiftie and i know you like taylor swift so i was hoping you'd be down to write something about Dalton staying up with you to listen to the new album (or 1989 tv) but he's too tired and falls asleep in your bed and feels guilty next day

happy youre back btw! i missed concept fridays

YES I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT! I definitely stayed up to listen to 1989 tv last week and I have to admit I’ve barely listened to anything else since it came out. (Also I’m sorry if this one is too niche or specific, and it came out REALLY long and cheesy for some reason 😭)

The clock almost struck midnight, and Y/N couldn’t be any more excited about it. The new Taylor Swift rerecording was about to come out and she was counting down the minutes to finally listen to it.

She knew it was gonna be a long night if she wanted to listen to the whole album, so she told Dalton she wouldn’t be able to make it to breakfast next morning, but he immediately insisted he’d stay up with her, anything to spend time with his girlfriend.

Dalton wasn’t unfamiliar with staying up this late, given he had a complicated relationship with sleep which is why Y/N didn’t feel too guilty about having him to stay up with her, he insisted anyway, but he had been doing that every single night this week and right now, it felt like his body was begging for the sleep he didn’t get during the week.

“So this album came out in 2014?” He asked her as she handed him his dinner, climbing on her bed and sitting next to him.

“Yes, but she’s releasing Taylor’s Version tonight” “But why?” “Dalton, we’ve been through this before”

Dalton gave her a smile, he knew exactly why but he just loved to listen to her talk about the things that she loved or cared about “I know. And don’t worry, I promise I won’t interrupt you when you’re listening to it”

“Baby, it’s not like I’m gonna bite you” She laughed, but Dalton’s yawn interrupted her “You know you don’t have to stay with me, you can go back to your dorm”

“No! I offered to stay with you so I will” He stopped for a moment before saying “Unless you don’t want me to”

“Stop, of course I do” She leaned in for a quick kiss, softly smiling against him “I know you don’t really like her music but-”

“Who says I don’t?”

“I guess you did” She replied with an unsure tone as she tried to remember if he had ever said such a thing.

“I never said that. Plus, I kinda have to, that’s pretty much all we listen to” They laughed and Y/N could feel her face get red and her heart skip a beat, if there’s anything she loved the most about Dalton it was the way he showed interest in the stuff she cares about, instead of shaming her for them.

“I love you” She leaned in for another kiss, this time longer one. But not too long, since the alarm on Y/N’s phone went off and interrupted them.

“It’s out!” She took her headphones and handed one to Dalton. 

He happily took it and smiled at the sight of his girlfriend being so happy and excited to listen to the rerecording “What are we gonna listen to first?”

“I guess in order, I’m too nervous to jump straight to the vault tracks, or even to my favourite song”

After a moment of staring at the album cover, she took a deep breath and finally pressed on play.

“Oh my god!” She exclaimed as soon as ‘Welcome To New York’ started, Dalton’s smile growing.

Y/N listened to the songs carefully, paying full attention to every little detail on it and when it ended, she briefly shared with Dalton her thoughts, and he could easily tell she was loving it so far. 

He was listening to her with pleasure while he ate his dinner, and once he was done with it he asked Y/N if they could cuddle. He was feeling a little tired and he figured laying down for a moment might help. 

She had her back against the headboard as she nestled Dalton between her legs, his head using her front as a pillow and her laptop resting on his lap. 

He started to feel better, his mind and body immediately relaxing as his breathing synced with hers. What he didn’t realise is that he was feeling too relaxed, and he didn't even notice when his mind started to doze off.

“Oh, it’s time for vault tracks” She looked down at Dalton as she waited for an answer, but an even bigger smile appeared on her face when she saw his peaceful face.

She carefully took her laptop and put it next to her, placing a kiss on the top of his head before taking out Dalton’s headphone.

Y/N didn’t know for how long she stayed awake, but she listened to the vault tracks a handful of times before officially going to bed.

The next morning Dalton was the first one to open his eyes, squinting at the sudden light that was coming through the window. He yawned and rolled over to face Y/N, immediately remembering why he woke up there.

“Oh no” He whispered as he looked for his phone to check the time, he was sure it was somewhere under the covers.

The sudden movement made her slowly open her eyes, softly smiling at Dalton before greeting him “Hey”

He looked at her, an apology written on his face “Sorry baby, did I wake you?”

She let out a giggle “Kind of. What are you looking for?”

“My phone”

“On the desk” She pointed at her desk and Dalton thanked her as he reached for it, laying back down next to her after he looked at the time.

“I’m sorry”

“Why?”

“For falling asleep, I said I’d stay up with you”

“Dalton it’s okay, I know you were tired”

“But I promised-” “And you were here with me” She cut him off “Honestly it was really nice to listen to the first half with you, but I don’t care that you fell asleep, if anything it made it less embarrassing to freak out about the vault tacks”

“Why would that be embarrassing?” She shrugged her shoulders, her shy eyes trying to avoid his stare “Well, I still wish i didn’t fall asleep so I could freak out with you”

She blushed as she got closer to him, gently placing a kiss on his lips “We can still listen to them, you missed like half the album” “And what did you think of it?” “It was amazing, and she released a deluxe version with Kendrick Lamar”

They went to town to get some breakfast, listening to the rest of the album on their way there. He didn’t care what they were doing or what they were listening to, and she didn’t care if he fell asleep, as long as they were together, they were happy.

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

lil bro's okay, but grandfather's not so good. it's still stable, but they're talking about travelling down west it's cooler, but it's gonna be costly oof. lil bro has scool in like 4 days, and it's likely they'll put out a circular to postpone school openings.

anyways have i mentioned i hate taylor swift? because i do so badly. one of my mutuals reblogged a "fav song" post with a taylor swift song and i got a papercut, she's bad luck see proved.

gooooooddd im so sick of all these edits with her lyrics. fandoms are polluted with her word and all these super cool gifs so talented and then i see her words "who else decode you" and i feel like throwing my laptop im so so so so sick of her and her brand of sickening white conservative "feminism".

i'm thankful she doesn't come to india i don't think i can handle the cooties. the other desi anon saying upper middle class girls liked her? totally true. i moved schools to like a richer more renowned one and i started hearing about her way more than i ever needed to.

anyways if you ever need recs to hindi songs, do let me know! i promise you every single lyric arjit singh has ever sung has contained more romanticism, more poetry that the entirety of her 30 albums and 900 copy paste songs, and that's after you translate it in english using google translate (bad translator for hindi).

I’m so sorry to hear that about your grandfather. I hope your family will find a way to travel west without it hurting financially. Also, your brother has school? In the U.S. this is around the time the school year ends. Is this the beginning of the school year or is this resuming school?

Right! Fandom is totally ruined because of Swifties. The only music they use in edits are hers and completely bulldoze any conversation when it comes to Taylor Swift, saying their faves would be swifties, no matter how OOC it is for the character. Like the “Hobie Brown is secretly a swiftie” post. HE WOULD NOT BE A SWIFTIE! Hobie is a fucking radical punk! He is the ANTITHESIS OF A SWIFTIE!

(Also-I was so confused by the “I got a papercut see bad luck proved,” because I genuinely thought that was a song title of hers. Her songwriting is just that bad.)

This is so damning, the correlation of wealth and Desi Swifties. This is what it’s like in the U.S. too but it’s crossed over with racial politics too. But generally richer = more likely to be a Swiftie. At least this is like anecdotal proof now rather than conjecture that I was accused of by other people.

Please send in the recs! I love expanding my music taste and from my limited exposure to Bollywood films, their soundtracks are always so fucking fire!