#sorry that i’ve also been terrible at interacting recently

[carlos-tk]

in the words of slim shady: guess who’s back 😘

a one week break in March accidentally turned into a whole month away. but I was as the kids would say - going through it. sort of still in it, but we move. very excited to be back writing and sharing with you all. also a massive thanks to every single person who tagged me in any of their wip wednesday’s, seven sentences and inspiration weekends posts over the past month <3

TK gasps and Carlos knows he’s got him right where he wants him.

“How about you tell me a little more about how hot I look then hmm,” he says, his thumb dipping into the waistband of TK’s boxers momentarily and snapping the tight elastic back against his skin.

TK plays along with the charade, “only devastatingly so Reyes,” he answers.

Carlos stifles a laugh, “Carlitos, Reyes, what’s next? Niño?”

“Well only if you’d like,” he teases back, wagging his tongue at him and stifling his own laugh.

He groans out a shut up before TK is pressing him back against the fence and pulling him into a sloppy kiss. TK’s delicious wet tongue sliding against his has Carlos’ c*ck stirring in his jeans, and the pure relief almost has him forgetting where they are.

He tugs him back sharply by the wisps of hair at his nape and unlatches their mouths, TK whining at the loss of contact.

“Baby not here,” he says, and TK ignores him, urgently moves to meet their mouths again, presses himself and his own quickly hardening c*ck into Carlos’.

“Why not Carlitos? You afraid the goats might see?” he baits, nipping at his chin.

“More like my mother you brat,” he huffs out, “but you already knew that.”

“Well we can’t go disgracing your virtue at ‘casa de Reyes’ now can we?” he says with a smirk.

“Not as much as you’d like to.”

TK sighs dreamily, as if he’s picturing all of the ways he wants to f*ck Carlos and be f*cked by him this weekend, none of which will happen if Carlos gets his way.

“I’m irresistible baby, you’ll be inside me by sundown,” he assures, using the moment to lift the bottom of his shirt up, wiping his face with it, and exposing his defined abdomen, enjoying the way Carlos can’t help but to gawk at him.

Carlos blinks and fixes him with the most unimpressed look he can muster, shaking his head in exasperation.

TK grins, “it was worth a try at least,” he concedes, knows that there’s an almost zero chance Carlos will indulge him any more than he already has.

He surges forward to press a final chaste kiss to the corner of Carlos’ mouth, tries to leave him wanting more as he separates their sun warmed, sweaty bodies.

tags under the cut ✂️

thanks for the tags this week @heartstringsduet @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @alrightbuckaroo @janto4ev @strandnreyes @tellmegoodbye @bonheur-cafe @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-in-glasses @jesuisici33 @never-blooms @fallout-mars 💖

everyone’s done this but tagging in the usual peeps 💕 @celeritas2997 @welcometololaland @rmd-writes @reyesstrand @whatsintheboxmh @inkweedandlizards @birdclowns @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @reyestrandd @orchidscript @sznofthesticks @nancygillianmvp @reyescarlos @herefortarlos @basilsunrise @sunshinestrand @mikibwrites @ambiguouspenny @freneticfloetry @noxsoulmate @thisbuildinghasfeelings @three-drink-amy @firstprince-history-huh @fitzherbertssmolder @honeybee-taskforce @literateowl @louis-ii-reyes-strand @lightningboltreader @chicgeekgirl89 @ladytessa74 @mooshkat @thebumblecee @theghostofashton @liminalmemories21

also a surprise *boop* for you all 😽

[mrdixon]

Work in Progress

pairing: pre-negan Alexandria Daryl x f!reader

wc: 8.1k (sorry.)

warnings: 18+ content, unprotected sex, p-in-v, fingering, oral (fem. receiving), alcohol (sober sex.), mild swearing, some fluff,,,

summary: Your friends peer pressure you into asking Daryl out to the cookout that's taking place tonight.

A/N: this is like my first ever smut officially written and OH MY GOD im so sorry if its terrible i was cringing at some parts. sooooo cliche but i promise ill be better. i realize reading this back that so many of them are slightly out of character but ignore it, i was drunk writing half of this. i also never intended this to be that long and i freaked out reading the word count so. anyways i hope you enjoy and feel free to request anything more!! id be happy to write more for you all.

masterlist!

“I’m telling you, he likes you.” You roll your eyes from your spot at your desk after hearing Maggie’s comment, continuing to focus on your work rather than the idiotic conversation taking place.

“How and why would Daryl like me?” You ask and look up at your three friends Maggie, Carol, and Rosita. It’s like you can pinpoint the exact moment they all mentally facepalm at your question, “I’m just saying.” You mutter under your breath, looking back down at the plans for the reinforcement of Alexandria’s walls. The silence was too loud but you could tell the three of them were all glancing at each other while trying to figure out what to say to you.

“Well for starters, he visits you a lot.” Carol tried to reason, earning a scoff from you. “No I’m serious, he doesn’t even stay home that often. That prick has only stayed for food recently.” The corner of your mouth curls up slightly at her comment, still looking down at your notes.

“Plus he smiles a lot around you, I’ve never seen him smile that hard before… Let alone at all.” Rosita adds. You sigh, finally looking up at your friends and immediately getting startled by all of them looking towards you. You think about what Rosita said and contemplate it for a moment, well he has been hanging around you recently…

“Nope, no way.” They all audibly groan as they turn away from you, “besides. I don’t even like him like that.” Now that earns a scoff from them.

“Oh please. You can hardly keep eye contact with him, let alone speak coherent sentences when he’s around.” Carol retorts, tending to the carnations in a vase in the corner of your study room. You scoff again at the exaggerated example whilst shaking your head.

“Uh uh, I can keep eye contact with him. In fact I have no problem interacting with him because he’s just a friend.” You state bluntly before getting up and putting your notes into a folder behind your seat.

“Oh my god hey Daryl!” Rosita calls out, causing you to quickly fix your hair and spin around with a bright smile on your face. All just to slouch back down onto your chair once you realize it was just to catch you off guard. The three of them laugh silently to themselves while muttering a “we told you so” in unison.

“Fine. I guess I do like him but that does not mean I’m going to do anything about it.” You look down at your lap, hearing clothes shuffling from how quickly they all snap their heads in your direction.

“Why the hell not?” Maggie exclaims, “you know it’s nice. Being in a relationship, plus you guys complement each other well.

You sigh as you spin around in your chair, staring up at the ceiling in thought. “Well… Even if he does like me, I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Bullshit.” Carol says bluntly before walking up to you, “just ask him out. He won’t say no.” You roll your eyes and spin away from her, staring at your wall.

Rosita spins the chair around back so you can face them, “Carol’s right. Daryl has been pining you for like months, maybe even years now.”

“How am I even supposed to ask him out? Like should I ask him to hang out like usual and pop the question or should I ask him to dinner?” You nibble at the end of your finger anxiously, even considering asking him out is terrifying.

“Oh! You should ask him out to the cookout tonight, it’ll be perfect.” Maggie grabs your hands excitedly, flashing her bright smile at you.

“Oh god no I’m not going.” You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. Rosita grabs your hands, forcing you to look at her. You can tell she has an idea, one you won’t like.

“You are going. No questions asked, no objections. And you will ask him out.” You bite your bottom lip, “c’mon…. If you’re lucky you’ll get laid-” Maggie’s hand flies over Rosita’s mouth to stop her but the statement was already heard.

“I’m not going to fuck him on the first date!” You exclaim, your eyes wide in disbelief.

“It’s a date!” Maggie yells, Rosita says the same but muffled from Maggie’s hand over her mouth. You shake your head profusely, waving your hands around as you panic, not wanting to admit asking him out.

The door opens suddenly, all four of your heads snapping towards the door. A very confused Daryl pokes his head in, furrowing his brows at the scene. “Am I interrupting?”

Carol grabs Maggie and Rosita, dragging them towards the door. “Nope, in fact (Y/N) has something to ask you so we’ll leave you to it.” Carol grins “unsuspiciously” at him whilst dragging the other two out. Rosita mouths a “we’ll come back later” while exiting the room, Maggie giving a thumbs up. You groan, putting your head in your hands as you run your fingers through your hair.

You can hear heavy footsteps walk towards you, the squeak of a chair being pulled up next to your desk before that familiar gruff voice speaks. “What was it that you wanted to ask?”

You lift your head to look at Daryl, your heart jumping at the close proximity you two were in. For a moment you contemplate whether to bail on the question or just go for it. You clear your throat, sitting up and crossing your arms, “are you going to the cookout tonight?” Quickly looking away in embarrassment. Nothing even happened yet.

He grunts, shifting in his seat. “Was just gonna go fer a little bit, don’ really feel like stickin’ around.” You nod slowly, muttering a mutual statement.

“Wanna go together?” You look up once more, mentally cringing and hitting yourself. For a moment you could swear his eyes lit up, he nibbled the inside of his bottom lip. A habit of his which you silently found endearing.

“Yeah. Yeah sure.” He grumbles, looking to the side. His hair falling over his face, you had an urge to reach up and brush it away but you held back, not wanting to be too bold. You hum silently, awkwardly shifting away from him in your seat.

“Oh, why’d you come here? Did you need something?” You look over at him, realizing he came here on his own free will. He clears his throat, brushing his bangs out of his face with his hand as he looks at you. Reaching into his pocket and handing you a little fox figurine, he had a slight smile on his face as he handed it to you.

You giggled, inspecting it as you held it in your hands. Unbeknownst to you, he was staring at you. Looking at your features and studying them, if someone walked in it would look as if he were a painter and you were his subject. “I jus’ found it on a run earlier, thought ‘cha might like it.” He murmured sheepishly, playing with his fingers.

You looked towards him, smiling at him with those eyes that made his heart skip a beat every time you even glanced in his direction. “I do like it, thanks Daryl.” You placed the figurine on your desk, next to a picture frame of you and the group. Daryl suddenly stood up, looking down at you softly before turning towards the door.

“I’ll pick ya up later tonight then?” He smiled slightly and you nodded, waving to him as he left. Once the door shut you spun around in your chair, your face heating up as you just processed everything that just happened. But now you were left to dread about the upcoming cookout in a few hours.

“No, not happening.” You crossed your arms at the dress presented to you by Rosita and Maggie. It was a very flattering dress for sure, it was a deep red colour, the length ended just above mid thigh, and the neckline was pretty low. It was something you probably wouldn’t ever wear, even pre-apocalypse. “Sorry Rosita but your style just doesn’t fit me. If anything, I’d like to try one of Maggie's dresses.” You shrug and Maggie stifles a laugh.

“Hun this is my dress.” She smirks at you while you frown, “farmer’s daughter can be pretty outrageous too y’know.” Rosita laughs, tossing the dress at you.

“At least try it on, just humour us.” Rosita mockingly pleads with you. Rolling your eyes you walk towards the bathroom with the dress in hand, hearing a quiet cheer from the both of them as you shut the door.

You stare down at the garment in your hands, trying it on couldn’t hurt… Right? You sigh, taking off your shirt and shorts before slipping the dress on. You audibly gasp at your reflection in the mirror, a hand going over your mouth. The dress hugged your body perfectly, it wasn’t tight but it fit in all the right places. You looked hot.

“Everything alright?” Maggie knocked on the door. You rushed over to the door, opening it.

“Dude…” You mutter in disbelief as you show yourself off to them. Maggie clasped her hands together laughing.

“Girl. If I wasn’t helping you get with Daryl I’d be all over you right now.” Rosita smirks, looking you up and down as you smack her shoulder playfully.

“Well are you gonna wear it or not? I think you should, if you have Rosita thirsting over you then imagine how Daryl is going to react when he picks you up like this.” Maggie giggles, fixing the back of your dress.

You bite your lip in thought, “I don’t know….” Rosita almost slaps you with how fast she turns around to grab you.

“Why not!? You look so fucking hot right now and I swear to god Daryl will think the same.” You laugh slightly at Rosita’s shock, Maggie murmuring agreement with her.

You let out a breath, shaking your head as you turn to the mirror. Fixing your hair a bit and brushing over the dress, a small smiling tugging at your lips as you nod. “Okay fine I’ll wear it, but only because I want to. Not because I want to impress Daryl.” Maggie rolls her eyes playfully as Rosita jumps up clapping.

“Okay well don’t let us bother you, and have fun tonight.” Maggie giggles, taking Rosita to leave, “not too much fun.” She jokes while winking and leaving the room causing you to shoot a glare at her as the door closes behind them.

You go to grab some small heels which surprisingly matches the colour of the dress and quickly look yourself over. Fixing your hair properly this time. Now all that’s left is to wait for Daryl to come pick you up… You take a deep breath, muttering a small affirmation before exiting your room and going downstairs to wait for Daryl.

After what feels like an eternity of waiting, a familiar three beat knock shatters your thoughts. Immediately standing up and walking over to the door, taking yet another deep breath before opening the door.

There he was. Daryl was standing there dressed in his normal attire but neater. His eyes widened at the sight of you, discreetly looking you up and down. A small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips before averting his gaze after a moment, causing you to blush and look down at your feet.

“You look… great.” He breathes out, a small smile playing at your lips as you mumble a small thank you. You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, not noticing the way his eyes sparkled as he looked down at you. He cleared his throat, moving to the side to let you exit your house, “well let’s get going then.”

You guys started walking towards the middle of Alexandria where the cookout was being held, you felt a bit nervous for tonight as you were worried about fucking everything up. You glanced up at Daryl who had a slight smile playing at his lips, you sighed softly as you looked back down. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

You two walked in silence, the air was tense. Neither of you said anything before you got to the cookout. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when you saw Carol cooking up some rabbit stew by one of the picnic tables. “I’ll be right back.” You muttered to Daryl, giving him a pat on the shoulder before darting towards Carol. Daryl stared after you for a moment, a slight frown on his face when you left him.

Carol shook when you approached her from behind and smacked a hand on her shoulder, placing down a large pot of soup as she looked at you with furrowed brows. “Don’t do that, I could’ve dropped that and I bet a lot of people here would be very mad at you for destroying everyone’s favourite rabbit stew in town….” You rolled your eyes, turning your head to find Daryl before nodding your head over to him. Carol narrowed her eyes confused as she looked at you, “you got a neck problem or something?”

You sighed, rolling your eyes as you muttered to her. “Daryl’s over there.” Her eyes lit up before immediately smacking you on the head, causing you to yelp and hit her back.

“What are you doing here with me? Go talk to him you idiot.” She grinned, taking a wooden spoon and stirring the pot of soup. Before you could argue she pushed you away, “go, I’m busy anyway.” She giggled as you glared at her, taking a deep breath and turning to walk in Daryl’s direction. He was over by the drink table, pouring himself a glass of whiskey and taking a sip. Your eyes traveled down to his throat in which his adam’s apple bobbed when swallowing the liquid, his bicep flexing when he moved his arm. You immediately shook your head to escape those thoughts and looked around to make sure no one was watching you practically drooling over him.

You took a deep breath before approaching him, a soft smile on your face as you looked up at him. He glanced down at you, his usual tough demeanour faltering and he flashed you a quick smile. “You wan’ a drink?” He offered, gesturing to the table. Your gaze moved towards the table, scanning over it before eyeing the bottle of red wine. He immediately followed, picking up a glass and pouring some for you. He shyly handed you the glass before taking your hand and dragging you along with him. The contact of his hand holding yours was enough to make your knees shake, looking at the back of his head as he led you through the crowd.

He finally let go of your hand once you guys got to a more secluded spot of the area, he took a seat by the tree nearby. You quickly followed suit, making sure to hold your dress down as you went to sit beside him, once you sat you took a sip of your wine to calm your nerves. He slowly shifted closer to you, taking his vest off and placing it over your lap which made you look up at him.

“Don’ wan’ anyone to look up yer skirt.” He mumbled, sitting back against the tree and taking a swig of his whiskey. You blushed, hiding your face by drinking some more of your wine. He noticed and chuckled a bit, tucking your hair behind your ear. He immediately retracted his hand, “sorry.”

You shook your head giggling as he watched you, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “It’s fine.”

“You really are pretty tonight.” He mumbled, clearing his throat as he looked you over again. You chuckle, placing your hand on his knee.

“Thanks, you look good too y’know. Clean.” He snorts at your statement, hiding a grin behind his glass. You try to grab his head and turn him to you, the both of you giggling as you quickly discard your glass of wine, the substance seeping into the ground beneath you.

“Stop hiding… You’re so cute when you smile.” You blurt out, causing Daryl to pause for a moment before scoffing and shaking his head. You were glad you drank, the alcohol probably aiding you with even looking at him. “You are.” You insisted, brushing his bangs out of his face.

He pulls back which makes your brows furrow together, worried that you may have made him uncomfortable. “Don’ say things like tha’.” He murmurs, only fueling your confusion.

You tilted your head to try and read his expression, but like always you couldn’t tell exactly what he was thinking. He was hiding behind his hair again, you tried to reach up to brush it away. To look into those piercing blue eyes you grew to love but he backed away. “Stop, ya shouldn’. We shouldn’t.” He said gruffly. You frowned, moving closer to him.

“What do you mean?” You asked quietly, a twinge of hope in your tone as you placed a hand on his knee. He shifted away and cleared his throat, running his fingers through his hair.

“We shouldn’ do things or say stuff we don’ mean.” Your heart broke at his sentence. Maybe you were right, he didn’t like you like that. You moved away slightly, a gap in between the both of you as you sat in silence. You played with your fingers, a lump in your throat as you realized you probably made him uncomfortable. You beat yourself up mentally for being too bold with him, thinking about how you should’ve just stayed home tonight.

He glanced at you, nibbling the inside of his bottom lip before grunting, moving closer to you before speaking softly. “What I mean is, I don’t wanna do somethin’ you don’ want an’ scare ya off.” You looked at him, tilting your head as you bite the edge of your thumb.

You took a deep breath as you processed his words, still looking up at him as you narrowed your eyes questioningly. “I like ya, (Y/N).” He mumbled, scratching the back of his head as he again, shifted away from you. You said nothing for awhile which only piqued Daryl’s anxiety, making him wonder if you even heard him.

“I like you too.” You physically cringed hearing the words come out of your mouth, feeling like you were in middle school again. He chuckled, leaning back against the tree and staring up at the purple sky. You looked at him for a moment, the soft summer breeze was blowing his hair gently and causing it to occasionally fly into his eyes, giggling when he grunted about it. You also leaned against the tree, your head turned towards him the entire time as you stared at him with eyes he never thought would be directed towards him. He turned his head to look back at you, a soft smile playing at his lips before he opening his mouth to speak.

“Wanna get outta here?” Once you nodded he smiled, standing up and offering his hand which you gratefully accepted. He took his vest back and wrapped it around your shoulders to keep you warm which didn’t really help due to there being no sleeves, but the feeling of his affection did. You interlocked your fingers together with his as he led you through the crowd for the last time tonight, his heart skipped a beat when you initiated the hand holding and he felt a warm feeling in his chest. One he never knew he’d get to experience.

He eventually brought you over to his house in which he shared with Carol, letting you enter first as he came in behind you. His large hand lingering over the small of your back while you took off his vest, mumbling gratitude as you handed it back to him. He chuckled, placing the vest on the couch as he took a seat, gesturing for you to join him.

“Carol won’t be home ‘til late tonigh’, reckon it’s gotta do with the cookout.” He grumbled, watching you sit down. He took time to watch you, noticing the way more of your thighs were exposed when your dress rode up. He quickly averted his gaze, biting his bottom lip as he rubbed the scruff on his chin. You just nodded, silently leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder.

He laughed silently, “yer awfully quiet tonight. Why’d the sudden confession change the way you act aroun’ me?” You slapped his chest gently, hearing a quiet “there it is” from him as you lifted your head up.

“It’s just… different. I guess it’s just me seeing you in a different way, officially.” He snorted, glancing over at you. His eyes caught a glimpse of the low cut neckline of your dress, your cleavage practically flaunting in his face. His head shot up towards the ceiling, a gruff chuckle escaping him.

“What kinda way you see me before?” He grunts as he mocks your words slightly, you shake your head and placed your head against his shoulder once more.

“Never wanted to admit my feelings for you, not even to myself. I always just thought you saw me as a friend and nothing more.” You mumbled, absentmindedly tracing shapes into the back of his hand with your finger. He smiled at the gesture before looking up in thought.

“It was the same fer me.” He rubbed over his face with his left hand, “if you didn’ ask me out today I probably never would’ve.” You hummed softly in acknowledgement, silently happy you were literally peer pressured into asking him out.

His hand grasped yours, rubbing circles into your hand with his thumb, sighing softly. “I’d probably still be sneaking glances at you. Who am I kiddin’ I’ll probably still do that.” He chuckled softly as you grinned stupidly. His heart swelled at your smile. Wanting to see more of it he lifted your hand to his lips, kissing it gently while you giggled at his stubble scratching against it. “I love the way you sound.” He added softly, looking at you with eyes you never knew was possible for him to make. This Daryl was way different from the one you met all those years back at the quarry, you weren’t complaining. You just hoped you’d be the only person he looked at this way.

You both sat in silence as you stared at each other, gradually leaning closer. You closed your eyes as his lips pressed against yours. The way his lips felt against yours was perfect, better than any pair of lips that fell upon your own. The kiss went on for awhile, it was soft, innocent. His hand moved to your cheek, tilting your head as he tried to deepen the kiss, his tongue prodding at your lips for entrance. You gratefully granted it and his tongue slipped into your mouth, the faint taste of whiskey and tobacco lingering on his tongue. You hummed into the kiss and felt his breath hitch from the vibration, reluctantly you both pulled back for air, your foreheads pressed together.

“Daryl… can we go to your room?” You broke the silence, feeling his hot breath against your face. He stroked your hair and pulled back with his brows furrowed.

“Ya sure…? I don’ wanna do anything you don’ want to do.” He was serious, looking into your eyes. Once you nodded he hesitantly grabbed your hand and gently guided you towards the basement where he claimed his bedroom. His hand no longer lingered on the small of your back, now fully pressing against it as he held your hand with his free one, guiding you down the stairs and into his bedroom.

He closed the door behind him, turning back to you as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down to your lips. He let out a shocked noise which you found cute, his arms wrapped around your waist as he kissed you back. The kiss quickly deepened, your tongues moving together in a sensual dance as he backed you up towards his bed, gently placing you down.

He pulled back, sitting next to you. You immediately sat up to try and kiss him again but he stopped you, “(Y/N), you drank earlier. ‘m not gonna do anythin’ if yer drunk, ya know that.”

You shook your head, moving closer. “I had two sips, barely enough to get me drunk. And I know I want this, especially with you. Only you Daryl.” You whispered, noticing the way his breathing became shallow as you moved closer.

“Ya sure? (Y/N), I need you to be absolutely sure. I—I don’ wanna hurt ya.” He nibbled his bottom lip anxiously. You placed a hand on his chest, your eyes clouded with desire, feeling the way his heart beat faster. He watched as you lowered your head towards his neck, kissing and licking the skin there, closing your eyes as he groaned quietly.

“I’m sure.” You whispered against his skin and caused him to shiver before he took you by the shoulders, pushing you onto the bed. No further words were needed as he started kissing your neck, his teeth grazing over your skin. You shook underneath him as small pleas escaped your lips.

He growled quietly, nibbling you and leaving small bites on your neck, searching for one spot. You let out a louder than intended moan, there it is. There was one thing about Daryl, he was good at finding things. He continued to kiss and suck on the soft spot of your neck, quiet noises left your mouth almost pathetically as you fell apart underneath him. He pulled back to look at you, his breath hitching as he saw the state you were in. Your face was flushed, eyes closed, and your lips were parted. Red and swollen from your previous making out. You whined softly, raising your hands to try and feel him again. He swallowed hard. He barely even touched you and yet you were so… so needy.

“Jesus (Y/N)…” He muttered under his breath, lightly tracing over your knees before pushing them apart. Rubbing his chin as he stared down at you, grabbing you by your shoulders, “sit up girl.” He helped you sit up, kissing your lips softly before looking into your eyes once more. His hand moved to your back, playing with the zipper of your dress. He looked up at you for permission, you gave a nod and he smiled softly, kissing your temple before slowly unzipping your dress. He slowly slipped your dress down, kissing your shoulder gently as his left hand rubbed your knee comfortingly.

Soon he pulled your dress off, leaving you in your undergarments. His eyes traced over your body, thinking he’d never live to see this moment. You shivered as the cold air hit your body and he immediately encircled you, his arms moved around your body as he went to press his lips against yours once more.

Your eyes fluttered shut and giggled into the kiss when his stubble tickled you, his hand running through your hair gently. The feeling of his nails scratching your scalp made you shiver excitedly. Gently, his hands moved down your body but they moved with hesitation. It was like he was treating you as if you were fragile and would crumble if he moved too quickly.

“Don’t hold back Daryl…” You whispered, stroking his cheek with your thumb. He nodded, looking back down as his hands moved with more force. He lightly traced over the straps of your bra, playing with the little bits of lace as he moved down to kiss your collarbone. His tongue darting out to lick over to the bra strap, kissing your shoulder before slipping the strap off your shoulder. All while glancing up at you to make sure there were no signs of discomfort, you looked back down at him and smiled softly causing his heart to skip a beat. He pressed another loving kiss to your lips before slipping the other strap off your shoulder, his hands moving behind you to unclasp your bra with ease. He tossed your bra onto the floor, backing up to look at you. After he said nothing you felt a rush of embarrassment, shyly covering your breasts from him.

“No, no, no…” He whispered, taking your hands and moving them to your side, “don’ hide ‘em. Yer beautiful.” He quickly kissed your cheek, then your chin, your neck, and then finally the valley of your breasts. You let out a soft whimper as his lips moved over to your left breast, kissing the flesh gently before parting his lips and placing it over your nipple. A shocked but pleased moan exited your mouth while his left hand moved to massage your other breast, his tongue swirling around. Your eyes fluttered shut when his mouth moved to give your other breast attention, your lips parted and let out soft gasps of pleasure. Your hand moved to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair and gripping it gently, causing him to grunt against you.

He moved back giving your chest one last kiss before unbuttoning his shirt, you reached up to help him. Hands shaking with anticipation as each button was undone, pushing the shirt off his shoulders and onto the floor. He kissed you intensely, pushing you down onto the bed and pressing a knee in between your legs. Your hands moved to touch his chest, tracing over the scarred skin. He flinched back, suddenly self conscious about the scars all over his back and chest. You knew about his trauma, you were one of the only people he opened up to, but this was your first time seeing it. Noticing his anxiety, you leaned up on your elbows, tracing the scars gently. Pressing your lips against them, feeling his tense body relax under your touch, he let out a deep sigh as you showed affection towards him like this. Closing his eyes as his love for you only grew deeper, never in his life would he have thought someone would creep this deep into his heart.

He pushed you back, his lips finding yours as his hand lingered down over the waistband of your panties. You groaned into his mouth as his fingers slipped under and over to your wet pussy, his breath faltered at how wet you were. How eager you were for him.

“Daryl.” You breathed out when he parted from your mouth, his fingers gently rubbing your clit.

“Mm?” He hummed next to your ear, his middle finger dipping through your slick as he continued to rub your sensitive nub. A choked moan escaped you as he did this, his other hand running his fingers through your hair as he shushed you. “Easy…” You bit your lip as the hand in your hair left to pull your panties down, tossing it onto the floor to join the other clothes.

His fingers left you momentarily as he moved down the bed slowly to look at your glistening pussy. He placed a hand on your thigh, spreading your open further while you looked down at him. Your brows were furrowed in pleasure, lips parted as your breathing came out shallow and ragged. He pushed his index finger past your folds, groaning at how wet you were as he teased your entrance. Your whining was enough to make him twitch in his pants, suddenly realizing how tight his pants felt. He let his index push into your entrance, feeling your tight walls convulse around the digit and hearing a moan escape you. He smirked from his place as he looked up at you, “alrigh’ up there?” Your eyes were shut tight while your brows were pressed together, you let out a shaky breath and nodded. He took your confirmation as a sign to start pumping his finger in and out of you, your legs shaking.

You were kind of embarrassed by how this man had you shaking just by one finger, but it’s been awhile since you’ve last done this with anyone. Plus it was Daryl fucking Dixon… You let out yet another pathetic moan, your hand coming up to cover your noises out of embarrassment. He stopped moving his finger and you whine, looking down at him. He had a frown on his face.

“Don’ cover yer mouth, lemme hear those pretty noises from you darlin’.” He drawled lowly, you whimpered as you slowly lowered your hand and he continued moving his finger. He eventually slipped a second into you, stretching you out. You threw your head back against the bed as you cried out in pleasure. After a moment he removed his fingers, only to replace it with something warm. You gasped out once you realized it was his tongue pressing against your clit.

“D—Daryl…” You stuttered, your fingers finding themselves in his hair. He lapped at your pussy, eating you out as if you were the most delicious meal he’d ever eaten in his entire life. Loud moans echoed through his room as you tugged on his hair, lifting your hips to grind against his face. He grunted against you, holding your hips with his large hands as he held you down, slurping up your arousal.

Moans kept spilling out of you as he kept sucking at your clit, feeling a familiar feeling building up in your stomach. You whimpered, pushing his head further down against you. “Fuck Daryl… I’m gonna…” You groaned when he slipped a finger into you again, his tongue still lapping at your clit, “I’m gonna cum.”

He hummed in acknowledgement, the vibrations almost sending you over the edge as another finger pumped into you. The amount of attention he was giving your pussy was overwhelming as his fingers curled inside of you, fingertips just barely brushing over your sweet spot. You mewled, pulling his hair hard as he curled his fingers again, sucking on your clit in the process. He could tell you were close and he pumped and curled his fingers faster, finally hitting that sweet spot inside of you. A loud moan spilling out of your mouth as your head pushed back further into the bed.

“Tha’s it… come fer me..” He mumbled against your clit, sending you over the edge and reaching that climax. Your fluids rushing onto his fingers, which he pulled out. His tongue darting towards your juices and licking it all up. You let out a small whimper as lewd noises of him slurping all your juices up rang through your ears. He licked you clean, lifting his head up and wiping his chin with his forearm, covered in your release. The corner of his lips curled into a smirk as he watched you breathe heavily, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you come down from your high. He licked his fingers clean, rolling his eyes back with a low groan. “So sweet…” He whispered, eliciting a whine from you.

He quickly started unbuckling his belt, needing to free his almost painful erection. You whimpered again, his hands twitching at the noise. “Daryl…” You whispered so desperately you normally would’ve been embarrassed, but the ache between your thighs and the desire for him was too strong for you to even care.

“Shh.. I got ya..” He whispered, moving closer to you as one hand gently caressed your cheek, the other continuing to unbutton his pants. He placed a sweet kiss to your temple while the hand on your cheek moved to push your hair out of your face. “So beautiful.”

He planted another kiss to your head before moving back to shove his pants down, you eyed the bulge in his boxers. You moved to sit up and grabbed his hips, pulling him closer. He chuckled lowly, caressing your head as he looked down at you. His lustful eyes peered down at you as you looked up at him with your own desperate ones. Before you could pull him out of his underwear he stopped you, pulling back.

“Hold on.” He whispered softly, moving to his bedside table and rummaging through it. Your gaze followed him, crawling over on the bed towards him, “shit.” He muttered, a frown on his face. You furrowed your brows in confusion, sitting on your knees as he went to cup your face. He kissed your lips sweetly, apologetically. “Sorry (Y/N)… I think we have to do this another time, I don’ got any condoms.”

You took his hands from your face, kissing his knuckles. Feeling his calloused fingertips run against your palms. “It’s okay… I don’t mind.” You said gently and looked down at his fingers laced with yours. His eyes widened and he frowned once again, rubbing the back of your hands with his thumbs.

“Ya sure? I don’… I don’ think tha’s a good idea (Y/N),” he murmured softly. You sighed, lowering your hand to palm him through his briefs, earning a grunt from him as his hand gripped your wrist. You looked into his eyes, begging him to just continue without it. His grip on your wrist loosened and you continued to move your hand against him, a low groan escaping him. “(Y/N).”

“Please Daryl… I don’t care. Just pull out.” You pleaded with him, you just needed him inside of you. Feeling more aroused the more he kept you waiting. His bangs were over his eyes again, ”I’ll have to trim those soon.” You thought to yourself, he kept silent as if contemplating the idea. He nodded slowly, taking your chin and lifting your face to his before smashing his lips onto yours in a heated kiss.

His tongue met yours messily as he pushed you down onto the bed, his hands finding your breasts again. Kissing him was addicting, it felt right. You let out a small moan into his mouth, his grip on your breast tightening as he caught your bottom lip between his teeth. A low growl escaped him as he pulled back, slipping off his boxers. Your eyes travelled down to see his cock, your breath catching from how hard it was. Not to mention how huge he was. He groaned, taking hold of himself and stroking himself slowly to relieve some of that tension, precum starting to dribble out of his tip. You pulled him down by his neck, connecting your lips once more while you replaced his hand with your own. Jerking him off slowly as he groaned deeply into your mouth.

“Hol’ on baby.” He whispered sweetly, taking your hand away from him. He moved back, keeping his hands on your knees as you looked up at him. Your expression one of pure lust and desire, the dim light of his lamp highlighting your curves, your body scarred from past battles and years of being in the apocalypse. Your hair was perfectly splayed around the pillow framing your head and your lips were parted, swollen. The hands on your knees slowly pushed them apart, spreading you open for him. He groaned at the sight unravelling in front of him, his cock twitching as his gaze wandered down to your dripping cunt. “Fuck, (Y/N).”

His finger dipped down to touch your pussy as he jerked himself off slowly, a mewl spilling out of your mouth at the sensation. His touch was so light and delicate it almost hurt. “Daryl please.” You pleaded, not wanting to continue this any longer. You needed him inside of you. He got the memo, nodding while grabbing your hips with one hand as the other grabbed his dick and positioned it at your entrance.

“Fuck yer so wet.” He drawled, his tip running through your folds as you whined impatiently. He chuckled quietly, lowering his head to kiss your jaw, sucking gently. “So impatient.” He growled, kissing down your neck and over to your breasts. His tip pushing into you slowly.

You let out a cry as he slowly pushed into you, his thick dick stretching you, your walls convulsing around him as you struggled to adjust. He cursed into your neck, kissing the sweet spot on your neck while a hand moved into your hair to try and distract you from the pain. You whimpered, closing your eyes as you tried to focus on anything but the pain as he continued to push in slowly. He caressed your hair and kissed up your neck and over to your jaw, shushing you. Murmuring sweet nothings into your ear as he bottomed out, halting once he fully entered. You weren’t necessarily a virgin but the last time you’ve ever had sex was before the apocalypse, and he wasn’t as big as Daryl.

“Move.” You whimpered breathlessly, he looked up at you for confirmation and when you nodded he slowly pulled out. Only to push back in, eliciting a whine from you. He hesitantly continued and soon the pain turned into pleasure, a deep moan erupting from you as he kept his face buried in your neck. His hot breath turning you on further as he started to bite at your neck, his cock sliding in and out of you with ease.

He let out a low groan into your ear, sending shivers down your spine as he moved down to your breasts once more. His tongue darting out and licking your nipple while his hand moved to pinch the other. Everything quickly became overwhelming as your back arched off the bed and into him, a loud moan escaping you once more. You didn’t care about being too loud, you were too in bliss to even think about someone hearing you. Your hands moved into his hair, tugging it and causing him to grunt in your ear. His pace quickened and the squelch of his dick pumping into your wet cunt echoed through the room.

His lips returned back to yours, your tongues meeting in an intimate dance as his hips snapped relentlessly into you. You could do nothing but moan into his mouth and tug his hair, his own hands gripping at your hips, probably going to leave bruises in the morning from how tight he was holding onto you. The kiss was sloppy and messy, your teeth clashing together while moans and whines poured out of your mouth and into his. He swallowed up your noises, pressing his mouth right up against yours to muffle your sounds. All while pounding into you at a rough pace.

One of your hands trailed down his neck and onto his back, digging your nails into his skin and releasing your mouth from his. He buried his face into your neck, groaning more as you scratched his back and pulled his hair. His hips stuttering slightly. You held him close, wrapping your legs around his waist while he tried to speed up again. The headboard was hitting the wall now and the bed was creaking with every thrust he gave. Your moans blended perfectly together with his heavy groans, the sound of his balls hitting your ass echoing through his room.

You started to shake, that same feeling building up in your stomach as your walls throbbed around him, eliciting a choked moan from him as he slipped an arm under you. Soft gasps came out of your mouth, your throat hoarse from all your screaming and moaning, but they kept on coming. He held you close to him, acknowledging the fact you’re close.

“Almost there baby, hold on fer me.” He grunted into your ear, his thrusts becoming more sloppy and irregular as he also chased towards his climax. You quietly whined into his ear, your pussy clenching around his dick. His eyes rolled back into his head as your walls trapped him inside of you, thrusting deeper into you and hitting that sweet spot.

You threw your head back, arching off the bed as you let out a loud moan of his name. Releasing all over his cock and onto his bedsheets.

“So tight…” He moaned softly, pulling out and cumming on your stomach. He collapsed on top of you, not fully pressing his body weight on you. The two of you breathing heavily as you try to catch your breaths. After a moment he lifted off of you, kissing your jaw. You kept your eyes closed, lips parted in a soft breathing while he whispered into your ear. “Be righ’ back.”

You can hear him walk into the bathroom, a bit of shuffling around before he comes back into the room. You were right where he left you, eyes closed and covered in cum. You could hear him chuckle quietly before a cold feeling hits your skin, your eyes snap open in shock and he shushes you. You look down and notice he’s wiping you clean with a wet towel. Relaxing, you lay your head back down on the pillow, enjoying the cold feeling on your hot skin as he wipes you completely clean. He leaves for a second time to throw the towel into a laundry bin, walking back up to you and smiling softly as he watches you wrap yourself up in his blanket.

“Got some room fer me?” He drawled, chuckling softly. You open your eyes a bit, lifting your arm to welcome him. He quickly got into bed with you, shutting off his lamp as he pulled the covers over the both of you, kissing your forehead. “Okay?” He asked quietly, stroking your hair out of your face.

“Better than okay.” Your voice cracked, hoarse from all the moaning. He just breathed out softly in response, holding you into his chest.

“Y’know I wanted our first time to be special…. but ‘m not entirely upset with how this went.” He snorted, squeezing you gently. You laughed gently, lifting your head to peck his lips.

“It was special.” You argued lightly, kissing his cheek before relaxing in his arms. He looked down at you, there wasn’t much light in the room but he could still make out your features. He smiled to himself, glad that tonight happened the way it did. Nothing else was said as you both slowly succumbed to sleep.

You woke up when you felt no one beside you, panicked you sat up and looked around for Daryl. Your shoulders relaxing when you heard the sink in the bathroom, quickly getting up and slipping on your underwear along with your bra. You didn’t have any place to be so you decided to just stay here for the morning, grinning as you found one of his shirts. Bringing it up to your nose and smelling it, tobacco and his natural musk filling your senses. You put it on, blushing at the fact that you could now wear his clothes.

“Oh my god.” You turned around at the sound of Daryl’s voice, he stood there at the doorframe of the bathroom. Looking you up and down before walking up to you and wrapping his arms around your waist, “you look so gorgeous (Y/N)…” He kissed the top of your head, rocking you side to side slowly as you giggled.

“You going out?” You beamed up at him, knowing he usually wakes up early to hunt. He nodded, kissing your head again before ruffling your hair and letting you go.

“Yeah, ya should probably go get somethin’ to eat. Wouldn’ want yer pretty self to be hungry.” You giggled, nodding before turning to go upstairs. He smirked as he watched you leave, his eyes trailing over the marks on your neck. He shook his head grinning to himself as he got his gear ready.

You walked into the kitchen, looking through the fridge and grabbing some leftover food from the cookout. Jumping when you closed the door and saw Carol, “jesus fucking christ.”

“So you did fuck him on the first date.” Carol smirked at you, following you over to the table. You rolled your eyes, hiding a grin. “So are you together now? Finally? After months and months of painful interactions that I had to witness and hear about with my own two ears and eyes???”

You scoffed, opening your mouth to answer before Daryl stepped into the room.

“Mornin’.” He gruffed, waving to Carol and kissing your head before heading towards the front door. “See ya later, (Y/N)…” He looked you over once again before leaving, crossbow in hand.

You turn your head back to Carol, a light blush on your face along with a grin. “Got my answer.” She grinned.

You giggled softly, picking at your food. “It’s…. a work in progress…”

likes, reblogs, + comments vv appreciated !

[ladiemars]

i’m leaving tumblr, and here’s why (with receipts):

so i’ve recently been informed that i’ve been accused of being anti-black by @ava-du-mortain. this person is blocked but they have watched my blog for years, made multiple posts about me, but also started going into the direct messages of people who interact with me calling me racist.

firstly: i am not anti-black. i’m not racist. or at least i try my best not to be, and correct behaviors that are. please read this post in full before making assumptions about me.

(and for the record: i am not, and never have been, @songofsoma, but pap seems to be accrediting some of her posts to me (as seen above). she is her own autonomous person who has made apologies and will make her own response to this on her own blog.)

i have never ever engaged in arguing with pap out of hope they would leave me alone (block and move on is my motto) but this has continued, so i feel the need to now since the harassment has gotten so extreme and ended so many relationships. already pap has also gone to the lengths to message two separate artists that i have commissioned and paid money to. this has caused these artists to either cancel their commissions, block, or unfollow me (though both refunded me and were very kind in their parting). i covered their users to protect them from harassment.

in addition, a ton of mutuals have unfollowed me and deleted my art from their blog. i hope it’s a knee jerk reaction to such a terrible accusation. and i hope they’ll read my side of the story below.

————

now for the accusations which have apparently warranted this level of stalking and harassment in response from pap:

first accusation: i spoke over poc voices.

my response: in october of 2022, pap was involved in harassing a small blog run by a POC for saying that nate was manipulative. this person romanced nate. it wasn’t a hate post.

for days, people in pap’s circle continued posting about them, and they were dogpiled by this friend group even after they apologized. as the dogpiling continued, i stepped in as a white person with a larger platform than them. i asked for their permission to step in and defend them. they agreed and thanked me.

this was the post i made:

i wasn’t trying to speak over anyone. i was using my platform to speak up in defense of a POC who was being bashed for talking about a POC character. however, i shouldn’t have done this. because whatever my intentions, ultimately i am a white person and it’s not my discourse to comment on. i was speaking out of turn. i’ve talked to POC friends since and they’ve told me this as well, and i listened to both them and pap, and i haven’t done anything like that again. so i’m genuinely very sorry, it was in poor taste, and i hope the fact that sort of behavior hasn’t repeated reflects the sincerity of that.

second accusation: in chapter 9 my fic, wants and wishes, they say i falsely accused felix of assaulting a white woman and then had him violently assaulted.

my response: this is, frankly, the most baffling accusation to me.

in chapter 9 of wants and wishes, frankie has a hickey on her neck from adam. when this is pointed out, adam deflects and says it could have been one of the other three members of unit bravo. the three boys begin to argue about who, other than adam, is most likely to have given her a hickey. at one point during the argument mason grabs felix by the shirt.

so a hickey that adam gave frankie and then tries to blame on the other members of unit bravo has been described as felix, a black man, being accused of choking frankie, a white woman. and mason grabbing felix by the shirt has been described as a violent assault. i really don’t know what to say about this, other than, to my knowledge, no one who has ever read wants and wishes has interpreted this chapter as that. including people of color.

i encourage you to read this chapter for yourself and then decide if it’s a black man being accused of assaulting a white woman and being violently assaulted rather than taking pap’s word. they linked the chapter but i don’t know how many people actually read it as opposed to just believing it.

also, what baffles me further: worse things happen to f in the games than having their shirt grabbed by mason? like, the fights with the trappers? getting injured in book 2? and murphy, who pap writes fanfiction about, actually violently attacks f and throws them into a wall so hard they can’t get back up in book one. but to my knowledge, pap has never called mishka out for writing a black man being violently assaulted, just me for having mason grab his shirt.

third accusation: i called a black person aggressive

my response: four years ago in the fall of 2019, i made an online friend. we were on and off talking for months, in the same servers, and shared some oc stuff together.

sometimes friendships don’t work. it happens with teenagers. i told them that me and some people found the jokes they made about other people’s OCs mean in nature.

i’m sensitive, i have autism, i take things literally by accident sometimes. i’ve grown up a lot since then, but when i was 18/19, if someone called my character stupid i wouldn’t realize it was a joke, and i would get hurt. when i communicated this, my friend disagreed that their jokes were mean. we stopped talking. later, i was accused of playing into the aggressive black stereotype by pap.

i was trying to communicate a boundary that i felt had been crossed in our friendship. i do not remember calling them aggressive, i haven’t seen any screenshots of me calling them aggressive, but this was years ago in 2021. i do know i called them mean for sure. possibly rude too.

i’m 22 now, i’ve been in therapy and learned about social scripts for autism, and if i were to be presented with this situation again i think i would handle explaining my feelings and setting my boundaries better. using words like mean aren’t a good way to set a boundary, they just make people defensive. but ultimately i can’t go back in time to when i was 19, so all i can do is grow from it and not do it again. and i haven’t.

and i doubt this past friend wants to talk to me, but i’m going to unblock them on discord if they want to me to make a personal apology to them for that. i’m not going to apologize to pap, the grown person who was not involved in this conflict between teenagers.

————

when people of color began pointing out stretches in pap’s evidence against me, they deleted the comments and made this post, telling the non-black POC who disagreed with them and defended me to straight up die.

so take that as you will.

i’ve made mistakes but i’ve never told any person who disagrees with me to die, even as a joke. that’s genuinely so fucked to do to another human when you don’t know what’s going on behind the screen.

————

conclusion: i really don’t understand why pap feels the need to go to such extremes over what happened in 2021 between me and someone who isn’t even them, or why they lied about the choking in that wants and wishes chapter. however i acknowledge my wrongdoing in involving myself in the race discourse surrounded nate, and again i apologize. truly, sincerely, deeply.

pap obviously doesn’t want me to grow from this situation or acknowledge that i might have since i was 19. but i’m going to try to anyway. fortunately i have POC friends both online and in real life who will call me out when i make mistakes like that nate post, and allow me to make amends and improve. and ultimately it’s their opinions that matter to me—not pap’s, or strangers online who have never met me.

you can believe i’m anti-black and unfollow me if you want. i understand. do whatever you need to feel safe in this space. that’s why i’ve been trying to do by avoiding this pap. i hope now that i’ve responded like they’ve wanted me to for years it will stop, but i doubt it. i’m sure they will tear this post apart in a response and call it insincere. there’s not really a point since i won’t be seeing it.

i don’t know if i’m ever returning. i love making wayhaven art but it’s just not worth it to stay in this environment.

final add on, tw for csa:

believe it or not i am a real person. so if you read this and still think i’m racist please just unfollow and block me. you don’t need to tell me, pap already has.

this whole thing with pap on tumblr has started to affect me in my real life. in february i started being treated by a therapist for five years of childhood sexual abuse from my father and i was using wayhaven as an unhealthy distraction from it. that’s why i wasn’t responding to the hate in my inboxes or the posts pap made. i’m in a fragile state and people around me were advising me not to because of that. but each time i ignored them their behavior would escalate, and now their messaging everyone i know that i’m racist and to not interact with me. it’s been really triggering in a lot of ways because i was shunned from my family when i tried to speak up and wasn’t believed. so i’m going to do what pap won’t and stop seeking out what’s having such a profoundly negative impact on me.

————

— mars

[jinchuls-moved]

hi, important lil note

pseud change, jinx -> echo

you don’t have to read but there’s a not so thought out ramble of all the thoughts in my head rn under the cut. i feel like ive been tricking people and i want to explain myself

okay so, i moved blogs when i was in a very negative space. i only stayed away for about a month, i missed tumblr and i missed writing even if it took me a hot minute to feel good enough to even be semi active on here.

tumblr can fucking suck. i left because there was drama with a few people that left me a mess honestly, those people have since been blocked and i started to feel a little bit better. i also noticed a number of people breaking mutual with me, which i completely understand curate your space as you need i’ve done it a few times myself, but the amount of people that did in a short time (as far as i noticed) gave me a terrible feeling and i needed to leave. i felt unwelcome and like i had done something wrong to people i had only interacted with a few times. this was on top of a lot of stuff i had going on irl, i felt so fucking alone in every aspect on my life regardless of my friends that made it so obvious they were there for me. i hated how i was at the time, and i appreciate every single person that stuck by me.

so i made this blog for a fresh start. i thought a new pseud and a new blog would make me feel better. and it did, for a while. my friends knew and they listened to my request to change tags, not refer to me as any previous nicknames and essentially not make it too obvious it was me. although i don’t think it was entirely impossible to tell. but now i miss all those things, i miss being stupid with my friends, i miss getting to call my best friend my wife on dash, i miss getting to miss astrology aims and mother nesi nesi, i miss the mutuals i used to have that i didn’t tell about the move because i was scared they were going to think i was stupid. i miss the url i kept going back to bc i loved it (possibly the most silly reason but still ukaishin holds a special place in my heart)

and it just doesn’t feel right. everyone has been so nice to me so far and it feels wrong knowing that wasn’t how echo ended, it makes me wonder what was wrong with me then that wasn’t now? but reality is, it’s nothing. shit happens, i needed time to get over a lot of things and it took time. even quite recently i had a terrible evening because of an old mutual. as in i had a mental breakdown because they added one stupid word to an ask that made me feel pathetic for sitting there the night before crying about how much i was missing them to aims.

getting called jinx in dms throws me off, i appreciate those that knew me first as echo using the new pseud, but it never took. it was never a name i was happy with (except for the first couple weeks on this blog) and im sorry for any confusion and having to switch pseuds again. i just don’t want to move blogs, i don’t want to have a whole thing i just want tumblr to be the happy place it was for me for almost 2 years. it got me through uni, being on here with the friends i’d made, i spend my final year of school in a constant mental breakdown, crying on the phone to my mum almost everyday and it was kaze that kept me going, motivating me to get my degree. it was kaze that flew to england to meet me and attend my graduation. it was aims that was the first person to reach out to me and give me the type of friendship i needed. it was everyone in our silly delululand server that made me laugh and reminded me that no matter how shit people were there were good ones. and it’s the good that’s made me feel better. and the good that makes me want to try one more time to maintain that happy place i had 2 years ago

that got too sappy but i refuse to edit <3

[torturedcoveydepartment]

Hi guys. A lot has been controlling my state of mind recently, and I find myself out of the pensive position when it comes to the tbosas rp blogs. It’s all very cryptic to deliver this - but I will, in the near future deactivate my Lucy Gray account, @justlucygraybaird. A very pivotal character who deserves a incandescent person to shine through with her burning flame of passion and freedom (which I unfortunately, cannot offer anymore) I am NOT out of the fandom babes, don’t you even consider that, but I’ve been handling the account quite treacherously within the last weeks. I deeply love all of you 💞💞 THIS ALSO MEANS, that if you’re tempted to join in on the fun - Ms. Baird is available <3

I would like to dedicate a special thank you to all and every soul, flesh & blood who’ve been interacting with the esoteric, wonderful fun!! And I’m terribly sorry if this is all very crestfallen.. but it’s for the better. There are wonderful human-beings with creative minds, beautiful word-dynamics and an ear for the melodies, just like our beloved Lucy Gray Baird. Thank you.

[greatstormcat]

Can I have some advice from one writer to another? It's okay if not, feel free to ignore

Basically, I'm fairly new to posting my fics and art here on Tumblr and I can't stop myself from feeling a little inadequate sometimes. I've been posting for about four or five months now and my writing posts rarely get more than 20-30 notes, if that. I've had my more popular posts, one of which hit almost 1000 notes, but other than that I don't really see much attention.

I feel bad for thinking like this, since so many people say that I should be writing for myself and not the validation of others, but I really want to share my work with people. I've been writing as a hobby for a while but I started my writing blog because I want people to find joy in my work as much as I do.

But when all of the stuff I post doesn't get much reach, it just feels awful. I keep getting the feeling that my ideas/works aren't that great, because if no one else finds them interesting then why should I?

With all of this said though, I feel so superficial for thinking this way. I want to be happy with my work but none of it feels meaningful the more I post and the more my stuff gets put to the wayside, y'know? A few of my mutuals have hyped me up and it feels good, but then it wears off really fast when even after weeks I barely see any notifications from anyone other than them.

Sorry for the long message, but I just wanted to see if you had any ideas on how to stop myself from starting to dislike my work because no one else really enjoys it, or at least don't show that they enjoy it.

Ahhh I know this thought process very well, and I promise you that everyone else that reads this that’s running a blog of any sort knows it too! We’ve all been in this exact same spot, some more recently than others. My first piece of advice is cling to those mutuals, hype eachother up because those are the people that will look after you. Getting a load of notes from faceless internet denizens isn’t going to sustain you anywhere near as much as you think it is. Getting random/insane asks and comments from people who interact with you is so much more important. (Sending hugs to all my mutuals.)

But, that said, I know you want to get your stuff out there to the people that will enjoy it, and this is hard work. I’ve not been going very long although I’ve been lurking around Tumblr since it was first created. My top tips for you are firstly nag the shit out of people to reblog your stuff. Unfortunately a lot of people are happy to hit like on something but leave it at that, they forget that unless stuff gets reblogged it sits still and dies. Reblogs are the lifeblood of Tumblr!

Secondly don’t be afraid to use a load of tags, just make sure they are appropriate ones. Don't tag spam, you’ll get flamed for that as it is terrible etiquette and will piss people off and get you blocked. Use as many tags for your subject/character as you can get in there and your post will pop up in the following tags section for readers. You can also use the scheduler which looks at when you corner of the site is most active.

Third, interact with other people who like the same stuff and they’ll likely end up looking through your blog and sharing your work. This is the one I struggled with the most because my autism is a nasty huge hairy bastard that stops me behaving like a normal human being in conversations. 

Fourth bit of advice, stop comparing yourself to who you consider ‘big blogs’. Behind every screen here is someone writing an idea on their tea break sitting on the toilet. There are no celebrities in fandom, just a bunch of normal people like you and me who happen to enjoy the same thing. Don’t think ‘oh I’ll never be as good as X blog’ because that person is thinking that same though about someone else. 

Last piece of advice following on from that, enjoy what you’re doing. It's really obvious when someone is just making ‘content’ because they think they have to keep up posting to be relevant. Only post stuff you have enjoyed writing/drawing and if you need a break, take one.

The biggest thing is to not hang your selfworth on this, it's just a bit of fun and doesn’t reflect you as a human being. 

That turned out like a huge motherly talk, and I hope it doesn’t come across as condescending because tone is hard to convey. Feel free to use or ignore as you see fit! If you feel up to it feel free to tag me in something you’ve written or drawn.

[roseandshadows]

In ACOWAR, it seemed like Elain and Azriel were already so comfortable with each other. It had me wondering about the interactions they must have had at the manor in ACOMAF while waiting for correspondence from the human queens, similar to how Nesta and Cassian had moments together. This story popped into my head way back during Elriel month, but it’s been years since I’ve written a fanfic and I was struggling with it. 😅 Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this little story!

Word Count: 1,250

Description: When Azriel travels to the Archeron manor for news about the human queens, he finds Elain struggling to memorize the moves of a newly popular dance. At her request, he helps her and they share a quick conversation.

The third time Elain Archeron met Azriel, Spymaster of Prythian’s Night Court, she’d been dancing. Nesta had long since retired to her room and the servants to their beds, but Elain remained awake trying to remember the steps to a dance she'd long forgotten. Recently the dance had become quite popular, and it would be expected for her to flawlessly move across the dance floor with her fiancé at his family’s ball the next night. Ever the perfect lady and wife. But damn if she could remember how this part went, the steps muddled in her mind. She’d been humming the tune and working through the moves for the last hour without making progress.

Sensing eyes on her, Elain whirled to see someone in the crack of the door, hand held aloft as if to knock. She also noticed whisps of curious shadows curling into the room from the floor. It could only be one person then.

“Hello? Please, come in,” she called out. The door eased open and Azriel stepped into the room, the shadows lingering by his feet. Elain felt herself go still as his presence seemed to fill the room. He wore those clothes she’d had come to learn were Illyrian fighting leathers and his wings were held in close to his body. Elain noticed he seemed to move in a slow, calm pace, as if to avoid frightening her.

“I apologize for interrupting your evening,” he said politely, obviously trying to pretend like he hadn’t caught her dancing alone in the middle of the night.

Elain gave him a small smile, though she was slightly embarrassed at having been seen. Everyone expected her to be perfect and rarely saw the work that went into what she did. Her mother had ensured Elain knew that her only chance at a happy life was ensnaring a good husband. And good husbands wanted perfectly pleasing, obedient wives they could show off in front of others. Their years in poverty showed her how true and necessary a good match was, and so she strived to play her part to make up for all she couldn’t do before.

But realizing her thoughts had drifted, Elain shook her head slightly and focused her attention on the male before her.

“No, you didn’t interrupt me. I’m not sure I was making progress anyway,” Elain commented as she went to light another candle, one of them having gone out.

“It can be a particularly difficult dance,” Azriel replied diplomatically. Elain slowed and turned to him.

“You know the dance?” she asked surprised. Azriel nodded and an idea formed in her head. Maybe it was her frustration or her worry that she could not perfect the moves on her own by tomorrow night, or that this male somehow put her at ease, but Elain spoke quickly before she could change her mind.

“I’m sure you are terribly busy, but would you mind running through the dance with me? Greysen’s family is hosting a ball tomorrow and I’ll be expected to know this. Unfortunately, I don’t quite remember it from before…well, I don’t have much practice with it.” At the look of surprise on Azriel’s face (well, she assumed the slight raising of his eyebrows was surprise) Elain quickly backtracked. “I’m so sorry, that was so rude of me to ask. You probably have no time for this and I apologize. I just-“

“I can help you,” came his quiet voice, interrupting her. Azriel seemed to hesitate a moment, but his face was gentle, yet determined, as he slowly moved in her direction. Elain watched as he closed the distance between them, tucking his wings in tighter to his back. He towered over her, but she felt calm as he stopped before her. She looked to his outstretched hand before placing her own in it and took a step closer to him. Looking up into his face, she thanked him with a smile.

“So, should I start humming now?” Elain asked, feeling suddenly shy at his nearness. The corner of Azriel’s mouth tilted up a bit.

“There’s no need,” he responded as they fit their arms into position. Azriel’s hand felt warm and solid on her waist and she found she quickly relaxed into his hold. He counted out the start and then whisked her away into the dance, expertly moving her around the room.

Elain realized she was a little surprised at how smoothly he moved, especially considering the wings. She didn’t think warriors like Azriel and Cassian took dance classes during their training, but Azriel was probably the finest partner she had ever danced with. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying herself, despite how improper it might be to be dancing alone with a male in the middle of the night. But she truly enjoyed dancing and having a strong partner who moved with the confidence Azriel did was a rare delight.

After running through the dance three times Elain felt comfortable with the steps.

“Thank you,” Elain said as they stepped away from each other. Azriel bowed his head slightly in reply to her. “You dance so well. Where did you learn to dance like that?”

“As Spymaster I have been required to travel to many different courts in Prythian and on the continent. Unfortunately, not all my spy work is done in the shadows, and so I’ve had to learn how to present myself in a ballroom as well.”

“That certainly makes sense. It’s shocking the things others will discuss at a ball when they think no one is listening. Especially men when it’s just a woman nearby.” Elain said with a small laugh. Azriel tilted his head slightly and gave her an assessing look.

“Yes, that’s true. I imagine you must have heard all sorts of things.”

“I think I must have known about some of the more lucrative trading deals before my father,” Elain confessed. “I must say I envy that you’ve been able to travel. I didn’t just hear about trade and politics, but I also heard the most fantastic stories of places all over the world. It’s been my dream to visit some of them, starting with the tulip fields on the continent.” A ghost of a smile played on Azriel’s lips.

“I hope that you are able to make the trip one day.”

“Thank you. Maybe once this threat is resolved I can go with my sisters.” But remembering Azriel was not here to be her dance partner and likely needed to return to the Night Court, Elain gave him the information he sought. “The queens have not responded, by the way. I should have told you that from the beginning, although I do not regret the dance lesson. I would have been hopeless tomorrow without your help.” Azriel watched her.

“I don’t think you could ever be hopeless,” he said quietly. Then standing taller he continued. “Thank you for the information. I will let Rhysand know and Cassian will return in a few days to check for a reply from the queens. Goodnight, Elain. And…I hope you enjoy the ball tomorrow night.”

“Thank you. I hope you have a safe trip back.“

Azriel bowed his head once again and turned to leave. At the door he turned and looked at her once more. “You dance well.”

Elain blushed a little but inclined her head in thanks. She gave a small parting wave and Azriel disappeared into the dark of the hall.

[shytastemakerthing]

I saw that your match ups were open and wanted to give it a shot. May I request a romantic twst matchup? I’m a Implagender omniromantic person that usually struggles a lot with my identity and personality, I’m south East Asian with tanned skin, dark maroon colored jellyfish cut, (but I usually put my bangs in a similar way like Haruka from pjsk cause I like putting on cute hair clips and head accessories). I’m usually pretty quiet around everyone but those I’m close to, I’m pretty loud and outgoing when I’m with people I get along with. I like to draw, play violin, cook, bake, and sew a lot. I’m really good with kids and bunch of other household tasks and I’ve done a lot of babysitting + doing a bunch of commissions for drawing and sewing things to earn extra money for myself since my family isn’t well off it also adds work experience I can put on resumes for the future. I’m pretty decent in school, although recently I’ve been doing a bit terrible since my motivation for school is going down and only finish stuff I feel like is easy/quick to complete. My love language is words of affirmation plus acts of service. I’m also really into fashion (specifically agejo hime and rokku gyaru + Ouji Fashion as well) and I love styling outfits. I want to become a kindergarten teacher in the future, and I’ve also composed a few songs on violin.

Hello! I'm so sorry that it has taken me this long to finally get back to answering these! Thank you so much for your patience!

Now, onto our match up!!

I match you with.......

Lilia Vanrouge

🦇 Okay, look, someone has to be able to ame care of the Diasomnia family and make sure none of then get killed because of Lilia's cooking and here you come in like an angel sent from above!

🦇 No, seriously, they all love you, they live your cooking, Malleus especially loves hearing you okay your violin (as someone who also plays violin), he finds it rather comforting, and he is extremely happy that Lilia has found someone after so long.

🦇 The fact that you love children has Lilia falling even harder for you. He has Silver, and while it took him some time to get used to raising a child, liking children, let alone one that was human, after fighting in a war essentially most of his life and seeing how you are so easily able to care for others, how you are with children, how it just comes so naturally to you? He feels his heart swell and warm up at the sight. It also makes him wonder how different things could have been without the war and all. But, what's done is done.

🦇 Okay, back to the happy. He LOVES seeing you interact with children. How they always are so quick to warm up to you, the smile you have on your face and thr laughter? He smiles every time.

🦇 As for motivation? Who better than Lilia? Between raising Silver, training he and Sebek as knights, taking care of Malleus, Lilia knows his way around how to best keep someone motivated. Are some of his methods out there?........ most likely. But he really does mean well and everyone can see that.

🦇 If words of affirmation are what you need, then words of affirmation you will be getting. From the moment that you get up to the moment you go to bed, he will be sparing nothing. You have woken up many times with a simple rose near you with a heart felt letter or even a hand written poem about all the things he loves about you. And acts of service is something he does in his day to day life as it is and it only intensifies when he is with you.

🦇 Now, Lilia is rather old, meaning he has seen a lot of fashion come and go throughout the centuries, and he has worn and tried out many of them. If you ever want him to model, feel free and ask him, but also expect him to send out a flirtatious remark or two. But he absolutely loves this either way. Meaning he will also help supply any materials you may need. You'll never run out again.

🦇 Money is not an issue with him, and even if so, he basically raised Malleus. Malleus sees you as a parental figure. As soon as he catches and kind of money and financial issues, literally the issues will evaporate.

🦇 Overall, bat dad can and will provide. He will help you through it all, and give you as many affirming words that you will need, he will help you with modeling your clothes at time just to see that smile on your face. Just save Diasomnia from his cooking and all will be well

[moonhoures]

📰 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄: 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒!

literally me rn 👆🏻

anyways, hello my loves! i’m here to give you some updates on where this blog stands and is (hopefully!) going 🤭

first, what the fuck happened? 🫣

it’s been pretty much exactly a year since i dipped from this account (again). i’m sorry about that. i got a little overwhelmed and frankly just didn’t feel motivated or excited to write for a long time. i tried writing a few things (and got a little far tbh) but i just wasn’t satisfied with any of it. i even had a terrible moment or two where i got very close to deleting this account entirely but i decided against it as i’m really proud of some of the things i put out, and i would’ve been really sad to see it go. i also love all of you very much and appreciate everything you guys have done for or said to me, and i would’ve felt really guilty taking this blog away from you guys. so i promise i won’t be doing that any time soon!

second, first love 🥰

i’m sure most of you have seen my teaser for first love part 5 by now (which, yes, will unfortunately be the last part for the series 😓) but!! i have like 1 or 2 small things i plan on posting before hand to keep you guys fed since it won’t be posted for another month or so. i’ve been working on it as much as i can for the past couple months, but i do work basically every day so i can only write so much 🫤 but yeah, that’s how first love is! i’ll explain some more on it when i can!!

third, asks/messages 💬

i’ve gotten so many sweet messages since i went MIA (a little under 40 😭). i’m sorry to keep all of you waiting, but i promise i’ll try to answer them soon! i did get some negative comments about my absence and such, but i won’t be answering any of those publicly. i don’t want to feed into them. i understand i’ve done this multiple times & it’s annoying, and i apologize for that. writing is a big passion of mine (as is interacting with all of you!) but it can get draining running this account sometimes. i’m trying my best, and i appreciate your patience with me. i’m definitely undeserving of it.

fourth, also! ☝🏻

i have decided that from now on i will not be taking requests. as much as i love writing specific stuff that you guys want, it does give me a little anxiety. so i will only be taking very limited requests for drabble games and stuff like that in the future. i hope you guys understand 🫶🏻

i also decided to delete my twitter account (well, it kind of got hacked? i think? idk i had trouble with it and basically can’t get back in and don’t want to create a whole new one) so i wont be answering asks with twitter links anymore for this reason.

fifth, comebacks?! 🤩

i’ve recently tried to catch up on some of the comebacks i missed. txt’s temptation ep, monsta x’s reason ep, enhypen’s dark blood ep, and skz’s 5 star album have been in my rotation lately and i love them!! (duh) so if any of you want to stop by my inbox and fangirl over them with me i’d absolutely love that 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

lastly, a thank you 💌

thanks to all of you that continued to follow me, leave likes/reblogs/comments, and message me while i was gone. you guys truly don’t understand how much your support for me means. like i said, i was close to deleting this account all together, but i decided against it, and it was largely because of you. i decided to keep writing because of you. re-reading all of the precious comments you’ve left me on my older work motivated me and inspired me to continue writing first love which sparked my joy again. so, thank you. i also hope some of you read this and it encourages you to leave love for other writers like myself. you could be the one that changes someone’s entire outlook on their account and keep them going. at the very least, you’ll make their day 💕

also, thank you for 4,000 followers??? um what the fuck??? i’ve never had so many people supporting me, i’m actually losing my marbles rn please help me find them??? (that was such a lame joke, okay i’m going to bed soon 😭🥱 ily bye)

i love you. i love you. i love you. more content is coming soon. promise. 😚💗

[k-dhd]

I was just recommended this blog, congrats on being the first adhd blog I've followed! :) My adhd is real bad right now since I can't get my meds, got that burnout going and I'm desperate for a new hyperfixation because all my other ones sound "too boring" for my brain. I saw that you enjoy talking about your hyperfixations, so my question is what things would you suggest and what would be your selling points for them? Shows, games, crafts, anything you can think of! Go wild my friend!

i feel unreasonably happy about being the first adhd blog that you followed and that it was because i was recommended to you!! 🥰 but i’m sorry about the meds. though i do enjoy talking about my hyperfixations so thank you for asking me about them.

right now, i’m really obsessed with castiel from the show supernatural. i have been for about two and half years, so it’s definitely lasted a while. plus the ship destiel (he’s the -stiel part of course), and the show are part of that hyperfixation. if you haven’t heard about castiel, he’s an angel who was sent to earth to be a soldier but he fell in love with humanity, plus he can be bitchy and really funny. he’s so pretty and just an all around lovable character.

i make gifs so i spend a lot of time watching his scenes and hoping to make other people love him too. plus the actor who plays him (misha collins) is really special to me too. i love him probably as much as castiel, and i’m actually going to meet him in september!!!!!

the show supernatural is 15 seasons and castiel is in them from the first episode of season 4 till the end so there’s quite a lot of him! this is him:

oh and misha collins from above is also in this other show called ‘gotham knights’, it’s about these teenagers who band together after they’re accused of killing batman. i admit, i started watching the show because of misha collins, but the relationships between the so called gotham knights is really amazing to watch. the show got cancelled after one season thanks to the cw, but what they did with that season was so great.

misha plays harvey dent, and he’s a really good guy who starts to struggle with, for lack of a way to describe it, another guy in his head. he blacks out and does things he doesn’t remember because the other guy takes over.

it’s a really good show, and everyone, not just the cast but the crew and the writers and especially the costume designer (who interacted with me a few times on twitter) worked so hard on the show and it made me love it so much more.

another show i really like is called 911, it’s about these firefighters and paramedics in LA and honestly i didn’t expect to love it as much as i did. procedurals weren’t my favourite type of shows, but this one had me reconsidering. my favourite character is this guy evan buckley, or ‘buck’ as he goes by. he’s got like the worst abandonment issues but he’s really cute and fun and half the reason i love the show. i am terrible at descriptions but i think anyone who watches the show finds they love him. but the show is more about found family, which is coincidentally what supernatural is about 😆

this isn’t something to really hyperfixate on but recently i’ve been really obsessed with cats. i don’t currently have one but my sister got one about 3 years ago and for like 2 months, i’ve been looking for a cat myself. they’re just so adorable and small!!! i can’t get a cat until i get a job, and it’s seriously hard right now ☹️but i’m trying my best.

i mentioned this earlier but i make gifs. like… a lot. i love watching something and thinking ‘i can make this look even better.’ making a scene brighter and playing around with colouring and photoshop is really, really fun. it takes up a lot of my time because once i start, i can’t really stop. and being on tumblr is a perfect place to share gifs. if you have the means and the time, i’d definitely recommend it. you can be creative, rewatch a show and characters you love and find a community of people who do!

i know i haven’t given you many options for things to hyperfixate on, but this has been really fun to just rant about things i like, so thank you! i hope you find some things to hyperfixate on, but if not, adhd in and of itself is really interesting to learn about. but then again, psychology and neuroscience are what i’ve committed to studying so maybe that’s why it appeals to me so much. anyways, i wish you luck on your journey! thanks for following 💖

[baycitystygian]

well I guess it’s about time I made an about post!

I’ve been on this website for like six years or so and I never really made a proper intro post to my blog, so here’s a couple basics for new friends & visitors just dropping by!

-heather, she/her, 25, neurodivergent as fuuuuuck but not officially diagnosed with specifics yet (although I’m almost certain I have autism, there’s a possibility I have ADHD or both? looking into a diagnosis, but definitely ND in general)

-if you’re a minor and you like a post of mine, that’s cool- but I post whatever I feel like so be warned, I don’t censor myself and I do have a wide range in my sense of humor so there will probably be adult themes™️ on here so I don’t recommend sticking around- or do so but only at your own risk! I also don’t interact with minors and I’ve always listed my age just in case it matters to someone happening across my blog.

-I generally don’t tag often unless A) I’m talking in the tags or B) it’s a hyperfixation that I want to go back to/keep organized in tags on my blog, if you’re a mutual and there’s anything you’d like me to tag that you filter/blacklist please send me an anon in the ask box letting me know! I’m happy to tag anything that might be an issue but I don’t really know if anything specific is a sensitive topic to a mutual unless they tell me and you can absolutely stay anonymous about it- do not hesitate if there’s any way I can be a better moot ❤️

-big procrastinator and very sporadic on here (even though I generally use this app as my morning paper) so I can take awhile to get to asks & sometimes I forget altogether, sometimes I save them in drafts then forget to check my drafts & I’m very bad about that and I am SO sorry cause it’s genuinely never personal 😅same with messages but I’m not unfriendly, I just have raging executive dysfunction

-I block liberally over political reasons, TERFS are blocked on sight, any blog I happen across that’s said/reblogged something that might generally be upsetting to me and, of course, bots get blocked too- I don’t engage in discourse so if you’re a TERF, right winger, or just a general troll just keep moving along or block me cause I just go right for the block button anyway. any hate has no home here, UNLESS it’s hate for bigots, billionaires or cops ✨

-I check blogs of people I follow but I don’t necessarily check OP’s so if I’ve accidentally reblogged something from a shitty person (“OP is a terf,” etc) just slide in the ask hole and let me know cause the odds are almost 100% that I’m unaware

-I don’t post original posts terribly often, mostly just reblog anything that tickles my fancy but vintage fashion/shows/music and rocks are my big ones on here. most original posts are just top-of-my-head nonsense or stuff I’m hyperfixating on

-if you’re a fan of Paul Williams, Barenaked Ladies, Bucks Fizz, Bay City Rollers/Rabbitt, Flo & Eddie, Howard Jones, Bowling For Soup, Wings (the TV sitcom but I’m also a Paul McCartney & Wings encyclopedia if that’s more your speed), Phantom of the Paradise, or Caroline In The City, those are all recent-ish interests of mine that have almost NO fandom so like. you’re automatically my friend now if you like any of those 😂

…I think that about covers everything I wanted to say, so sit back, relax, and have fun in my hodgepodge of a social media home ✨

[myfckingnameisnuwanda]

CH.2 Money Doesn’t Fall From the Trees

November 21, day 15.

Hey, mom.

I’m sorry to say we are no closer to finding out how to go back than in my first letter.

It’s been two weeks now, and Sam is getting out of his dissociative state. He now interacts more with Other Mia. I think he wants to make her his girlfriend after her and Sammy’s terrible break up. I know he doesn’t want to hear it, but Jake, Felix and I know it’s not going to work. He also avoids his Other Family like the plague.

Not that I fault him. I don’t think interacting with our Other Families is doing any good to the rest of us. Seeing them makes me miss you all even more. And Felix seems almost obsessed with Oscar. Jake is starting to avoid his Other Parents, too. I think he fears his Other Mother may put a restraining order on him.

I think I also should get away from my Other Family.

I’m trying to be objective here.

They are not my family.

They don’t owe me anything. And they have done plenty enough to help already. We are not their responsibility, and we can’t expect them to take care of all of us much longer.

To be honest, I may never have put myself in their shoes in the first place if it wasn’t because I found Other Nai Nai’s account book yesterday. They are losing a lot of money on us. Feeding us and clothing us. Not even helping them out in the restaurant will help, since they have the regular workers too.

We also can’t keep eating exclusively chinese food every day, I’m going to get sick. I’m grateful, but, also, I very much can't keep eating it anymore. I want mac and cheese so bad.

And that’s without mentioning dumpster food. The last donut Jake ate left him stuck in our bathroom for ours. Or at least I suspect it was the donut. It may have been the carbonara sauce (it was just the sauce, mom. A packet of 250mg of expired carbonara sauce) but Sam also ate that and he was fine. Though, Sam’s stomach could be an object of research for scientists.

What I'm trying to get at is; we should start looking for jobs.

I talked to the boys about this last night. They agreed with me after I explained my reasoning behind it.

Jake says he will look for a job at the convenience store, since he can probably get away with taking all the recently expired food to the cabin. He is out right now, talking with the manager. He should get it, after all, they always have that big job advertisement in the window besides the door.

Felix said he would look in the records store, or the library, but he seemed unconfident about getting the job, for some reason. Maybe he fears he won’t get a job because of his appearance?

I just got to the cabin after visiting Other Nai Nai with the news that we were looking for jobs, and she offered me one, as a waiter or a delivery guy. I rejected her offer, but asked her if she would accept Felix or Sam for the job. She looked at me like she knew exactly why I rejected her, and accepted.

But it can’t be on delivery, because we don’t have any form of transport or licence to use one, and Sam’s stolen skate isn’t something Other Nai Nai accepts to deliver food. Too unsafe, she said.

But, anyways, these days, when I’m not in town or with the boys, I walk down the stream of the river besides the cabin more often than not. And in the past week, I have been meeting this old man that spends his afternoons fishing. He talks about fishes, and rows, and bait, and I listen and nod.

It’s interesting, and I’ve never felt this close to nature. I’m sure you would be against it, but I’m going to ask the man for a job.

He sells bait and fishing rows, and rents boats out to other fishermen. He also owns a dock in the widest part of the river, where he keeps his rentable boats.

He doesn’t sell fish, though. He says that’s for him and his family.

He gave me a fish three days ago, but I have no idea what to do with a fish that’s not even descaled at the very least. I asked the guys if they knew how to prepare it, but it was futile. We had to let the fish go in the river.

I will ask him to teach me, when I ask him for a job tomorrow.

We will be okay, I believe.

I miss you so so much. I love you, mom.

Tired of chinese food,

Andy.

<- Ch.1-Ch.2 In Betweens, Ch.2-Ch.3 In Betweens ->

Summary

[fuwushiguro]

I just looked at a bunch of the responses from @decayish’s survey and I... lmfao.

It’s really brutal. It’s brutal to read some of the hateful things that apply to me and I’m sure a lot of other writers here. It’s also weirdly validating to see that a lot of people are too fucking lazy to reblog and appreciate writers how they deserve, it’s almost confirmation that my writing isn’t shit and no one likes the content I’m putting out. It’s just laziness.

My relationship with Tumblr has gone so downhill since last year. Last summer was probably when I last enjoyed it here. I have taken many hiatus’ and left with no intention of coming back a few times. 

The reason I do keep coming back is because Tumblr is very addictive. 

I gaslight myself into thinking “it’s not that bad” and then I feel shit again. This hasn’t been as much the case recently because I genuinely have stopped caring. Do I feel shit about lack of interaction and validation on my writing? Sure. It would upset anyone, I think. But I’ve learnt to not care.

I don’t feel like I used to when I used to log into Tumblr. I’d be excited to chat with friends, share my writing, and see what people have to say.

Now, I feel like I’ve turned into something I’m not. A content machine. I write. I post. I move on. I appreciate when I do get sweet asks, reblogs and comments, obviously. But it’s so rare. So few and far between that I’ve come to terms with not expecting it. 

I used to be able to churn writing out. I’d write a 15k monster in a day and be proud. Now I struggle to get to 1k. I write, now, because of patreon. Seeing that people care about my writing enough to pay for it is incredible motivation which has helped me to stop caring about interaction. 

But even then, I feel under immense pressure to write. I didn’t write for a little while and I lost a bunch of patrons. I was so mentally ill, suicidal etc. and couldn’t bear the thought of writing. Not that I’m blaming anyone for deleting their pledges, but it’s made me feel like I’m not allowed to take a break even if I’m desperate for one. 

Seeing how many people will only read a fic if smut is included is very fucked up I won’t lie. There is a horrendous relationship with explicit content and porn here where people won’t even entertain an incredibly well thought out and beautifully written fic if there’s no smut involved. I have so many writing ideas that don’t include smut. I only write smut because I know that’s all most people here care about. It’s sad. Really fucking sad. 

There are so many beautiful and talented writers here that are suffering. Suffering with their blogs, personal lives, existence. Tumblr used to be such a cool place. A place where people could post what they want, write what they want, and spread love. It’s just not like that anymore. There is no life on my dashboard. It’s incredibly dead and I miss how it used to be.

The lack of gratitude and appreciation on this site is just outright terrible. Please support us. Reblog our works. Comment on fics. Send asks. Make your favourite writers feel appreciated and seen. Valued. Because so many of us don’t.

I imagined a large problem with this is that there’s so many fic writers you think we are disposable. If one of us leaves you can run to another. But there might come a day where every single one of us quits writing for good. And then you’ll be so sorry that you didn’t give a few minutes of your time to show your gratitude to us writers. We aren’t disposable. Each and every one of us has a unique voice. Unique ideas. A unique way of storytelling and expressing ourselves. Thirty people can get the same prompt and still wind up producing thirty different pieces of writing. 

Some of the responses I saw on the server were just truly wretched. People being cruel about people’s writing choices. The way they write. The way they run their blogs and the content they post. These blogs are for fun. For freedom and expression.

Learn to be kind. We are people behind these screens. There is flesh and bone typing on the keys of keyboards to make the works you claim to love so much. But not enough to show us enough love.

Please, if you care about us at all, show us you care before it’s too late.

[bcbdrums]

I’m so sorry, I feel like I’m just venting at this point.

I just want to talk about this I think it will help me explain myself in a better way and maybe some of the ask I send you will make more sense?

I think the reason I came to dislike the Kim possible fandom and the ships in general is due to…well, the fandom in itself.

Ron and Kim are my favorite characters.

But I experienced this thing in the fandom where they had this weird mentality:

If Ron was their favorite character it usually meant they didn’t like Kim and the stories that focuses on Ron usually portrayed Kim as bad person just to ship Ron with any other characters, (over-focusing on Kim’s flaws and/or on events like her leaving him in the janitor closet) there were a few exception to this, but even in this kind of stories Kim didn’t felt like Kim at all.

And I’m sorry for mentioning him again, there was this guy, this person. (I’m pretty sure we all know him) They had like 20 accounts to harass people? I don’t even know their name. They would pester anyone in the fandom about Kim/Ron and ugh. It was awful. And… I am saying this as a former KimRon shipper the fandom was a living hell.

That person takes the cake as the worst interaction I’ve had with anyone in any fandom I’ve been in.

But that’s just KimRon what about other ships?

Well, if the person identified with Kim and shipped her with Shego they would usually potray Ron in an awful way, ranging from flandarizing his comedic-relief moments, to portraying him as a bad boyfriend to (in the worst cases) portraying him as full blown abusive person.

The most immediate example I can think of: The current admin of the Kp wiki LoveRobin? Who is a very hardcore Kigo shipper. what happened is that when I first joined the fandom back in 2017 I had a- how do I call it? A “friendly” debate? Even though I could never make her see any of my points, at least she kinda? remained civil about it (for the most part)

It was initially about Drakgo, but then she changed the topic back to Kim and Ron and she randomly ended up comparing Ron to a rapist, and I was like ??????? (It was back in 2017 I was 17, when I stumbled upon the thread and it was so out of the left field) and then that guy found the thread of the conversation somehow and the fight got so bad, and I think it prompted LoveRobin to included stuff into the wiki like “Ron never said “I love you” to Kim” and I think she did this as as a way to, I really don’t know? Retaliat? To attempt to disregard the ship? Maybe? idk.

And that was years ago and I tried to get back into the fandom and it somehow got worse?

I know this is old and everyone probably knows about this at this point, but has anybody read Ron stoppable wiki page recently? Why is it written like that? It’s so needlessly negative and mean spirited towards the character for no reason (I know why it’s written that way, the wiki admin is a hardcore Kigo shipper ) but damn. That’s sooo petty.

This isn’t even the worst part yet That person (the person obsessed with KimRon) started harassing LoveRobin and he escalated things even further and ended up revealing personal information (is that doxxing?) about LR and I was like 😨. And listen at that point I don’t care what you ship or what’s your thoughts on fictional characters/ships are. that kind of behavior is simply terrible, awful, deplorable.

I though this was my main issue: the awful way Kim and Ron were portrayed in the fandom, but then it somehow got worse? Add to all of this the most resent talk about the age difference and that sealed the deal for me. (It’s too much drama and I cannot/will not ship a relationship that consist of an adult and a teenager)

From being neutral about the ship and being open about it I ended up despising it. Kigo became such a Notp for me now, and I can’t even enjoy KimRon as much as I used to because of all the fights and the bad experiences I also had in the fandom.

And all of this interactions killed my enjoyment toward any of those ships. I’m not kidding when I say the Drakgo community was the best and most welcoming out of all the three.

I mean, you're hitting on things I've mentioned in other asks...

The fact of the matter is, there's some historic toxicity in this fandom. Some of it goes on today. Some if it has passed. (And of course it's not isolated to KP; some fandoms have been irreparably destroyed by toxic shipping behavior...)

I've only had a few toxic encounters personally in KP myself. One was right after Graduation first aired. Like many people, I immediately went to read fanfic because I was riding high on fandom excitement. But that is when I discovered...anti-fics. People would write what started out on the surface as a happy, genuine ship fic. And then partway through it would flip and turn into a ship-sinker. Sadly, the first KP fic I ever read was a Kim/Ron ship-sinker deliberate anti-fic. The writer didn't even try to hide it once the surprise turn came halfway through. But it scarred me, and I didn't come back to the fandom until 2019.

As a result, I personally missed out on a LOT of the toxicity. But I've heard tales from those who were there and are still around today... I've experienced a little myself... But yeah.

The fact is, deliberate anti-fics exist. And yes, the wiki is useless because it's controlled by shippers who rather than write fact, editorialize everything to make it seem like their ship is canon.

I wish people would just ship their ships... I'm glad you've found the Drakgo community welcoming! May I recommend as a quality Kim/Ron to re-ignite your passion, Snippets of Forever. And I also suggest looking in the fave section of writers you like on FFn? Usually a good writer faves other good stuff. That's usually how I find anything to read.

[softly-writes]

Ahh, I understand! The fandom has become a little quieter recently, partly cause it’s Summer in the US & Europe (you’re Australian, right? So it’ll be winter with you?)

I know what you mean about being discouraged. Some people are really sweet on here and give big thank yous and really appreciate the work creators put in, and others seem to just disappear and that can be very discouraging. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling that way. I want you to know I always loved interacting with you, and you’re really kind and brought a lot of life to the fandom 🫂 Sending you a big big hug.

I also do wanna say though that I myself haven’t interacted on here in over a month (after a good 5-ish months of near-daily interaction) and I honestly don’t miss it. That sounds terrible, but it’s true, I feel like I’ve got more of my life back now and I feel less pressure to respond to people on here..That’s my personal feelings and maybe not the same for you, but being inactive can be a good thing and I do understand why you’ve been away 💗

Whatever happens, I hope you’re having some good moments in your real life and hope you’re well and safe. You’re so sweet and I thank you for being a tumblr pal to me in the past 🫂💕🤍 Be good to yourself x

Yep! Sure is Winter for us <3 The perfect time to try and be active again (but I shall not make any promises xD) You're really sweet, thank you. It honestly made my day reading that. No, rest assured, it doesn't sound terrible at all. I understand. I feel the same way too. I'm sure I'll be back. Albeit, softly. I hope to hear from you whenever you pop back on <3 But you also spend your days enjoying life to the fullest!

You've always been such a supporting and beautiful tumblr friend <3 Cant thank you enough for that x

[hanjisick]

hello, it’s seungmin fic anon here! i read some of your recent anon responses and i’m so sorry that life is really hard right now for you. from one stranger to another, i’m really sorry for that and i hope that things get better for you because you deserve everything. don’t worry about posting too often or feeling obligated to, because you come first.

i wanted to share, i also write yandere oneshots? drabbles? but mostly for myself as a sort of comfort and a way for me to project my emotions onto the characters. it makes me feel better sometimes letting them out that way, so i hope you can use writing not only to satisfy the requests of others but also for yourself, even if you keep them to yourself. i’m just saying this because writing them really helped me when i was in a terrible place...maybe you already do this, but i hope that maybe you can use writing to help you out of your hard times.

and as a writer myself, i understand how you feel about seeing all the mistakes and everything. to me, it was really perfect and ended at the right tense point with a lot of room for imagination after (that’s what makes your works so perfect in my personal opinion, just knowing when to stop and how much to describe and everything). but to you, it may not have been. but i hope maybe you can be more lenient with yourself with the imperfections you see in the future, because your works are really really enjoyable to read.

sorry that my anon message for you was really long...but i felt really called to tell you these things. i hope i wasn’t assuming anything, but i hope this finds you well and makes you feel at least the tiniest bit better. in a way, it’s a repayment for all the comfort i’ve found in reading your works for a while now, so maybe that’s why i wrote so much. anyway, thank you for posting your wonderful works and i sincerely hope things get better for you. 💖💖

hi love! ‘seungmin fic anon’ is so funny to me :) life isn’t the best and to elaborate a bit, i’m trying to get out of an unsafe environment right now whilst suffering from certain mental health problems. :( thank you for your concern.

i think it’s so interesting that you also write! it’s always intimidating to see writers liking my content— i tend to get lost scrolling through blogs that interact with me and just gasp because wow, they’re such good writers and reading my work? its a confidence booster for sure, but a little scary. i’d love to see some of your works sometime!

writing used to be more of an outlet for myself back when i was in bad situations similar to the one i am currently in, but life hasn’t been too bad up until recently, and i think it’s beginning to get to that point again. i’m so glad that you found an outlet in writing.

thank you for the descriptive comments! those are always the most helpful and best to read. especially since that was one of my writing insecurities— i feel as if i should continue the story instead of stopping so abruptly, but it’s wonderful to see your perspective in that it makes it unique. :)

your message made my day, thank you so much for it. i love to hear that people are comforted by my works, because that’s my biggest writing goal in the moment. my entire life i had been comforted by stories other people wrote, and hearing that im now a comfort writer to some people makes me feel so prideful. please continue to message me anything you feel like saying! from the bottom of my heart, i love it so much. <3