#sorry that this is a lot of vague things i am not good at articulating despite having so much to say

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

01/22/2024 Daily Recap

Hey all! It's been a long day huh? I wanna apologize ahead of time, whatever sickness my kiddo had last week finally got me so I'm not feeling terribly well. I'm gonna do my best to articulate todays events for ya!

===Renew As A Crew====

So the very first thing I want to touch on today is updates from @renewasacrew. As you may have heard, they were going to be changing leadership as the shift in priorities changed from renewing to saving OFMD. That being said, the leadership change happened over this weekend with some hiccups (I don't know what the hiccups were entirely and I'm not going to speculate, if you wanna delve down that twitter hole you can, but having been in it for today I'd recommend against it for your mental health, and we don't want to be drawing a bunch of media attention to it) there's a lot of confusing information, and as we know things can get conflated fast if we don't have all the pieces to the puzzle-- let's not speculate and wait for the to come out with more info.

So what I'm focusing on today is @renewasacrew's message to please give them some time and practice some patience while they get back up and running. This also includes anyone you happen to know on twitter working with them, for example: @TheCozyPirate. Let's give them some grace, they've been steering us well so far.

The good news is, several folks, on tumblr: @iamadequate1, @quirkysubject, @asgardian--angels, On twitter: @havethisonelife @yougotoofast @Lcmwriter100, we have all we need to keep going for a few days while things get ironed out. (If I forgot someone please let me know, sorry I am half awake tonight)-- see the HOW CAN YOU HELP section below.

One thing I will mention-- we are moving so very fast right now. It's only been 13 days since the announcement that OFMD wasn't renewed, and we've accomplished SO MUCH. So when there's a lull, it's going to feel like things are standing still and maybe something is going wrong. Don't fall into despair, that's just how things go with negotiations. Take a break, take a breath, and just keep on Polite Menacing until we hear more from the leadership team.

===How can you help?===

**Go to visit the DAILY RENEWAL TASK LIST there's lots of ideas and ways you can help! Have more? Shoot me a dm! I'm happy to add stuff!**

*Note: To our international fans, I promise I'm working on a write up for you as well I've just been sick today and have been able to finish!*

Something new today-- a lot of you have expressed your desire to help in the @renewasacrew efforts. Well if you did-- and still want to, now you can volunteer! Many thanks to @redshiftsinger for getting this up so quick!

Please visit their survey: Volunteer Intake form and fill out how you may be able to help!

=== Cast and Crew Sightings ===

As if on cue, Chaos dad reached out to everyone on twitter today to express some encouragement!

He also saw we were at 77K and posted his astonishment!

Some folks have been a bit weary about his vagueness today, but as we know, Daddy Jenkins is the king of vague-- and he has to be! If there are contracts in the works, he can't be hinting at things. Don't lose hope!

===Samson Kayo ===

Our beloved Oluwande updated his IG with some pictures and a message. If you have IG I'm sure he'd appreciate some love!

Next up was our favorite Captain, Rhys Darby, promoting a fellow comic @jamesroguecomedy over on IG!

And our pirate queen Ruibo Qian was making posts about saving ofmd and fanart about Zheng! Featuring folks you probably know around tumblr: @mistysblueboxstuff and @tsutsu_ya over on twitter

=REMINDER: Cross Fandom Watch Party! on 01/23/2024 1 PM PT, 4PM ET=

Looks like there's gonna be some cross fandom watch parties on twitter you're welcome to tune in for Jan 23-26 on twitter. They'll be watching good omens in an effort to try and get engagement up with PrimeVideo. It sounds like it'll be similar to the LubeAsACrew but with Good Omens fans! Thank you to @Dandeebakes on Twitter for getting these organised!

Hashtags to use: #PirateOmens #AdoptOurCrew #SaveOFMD, and helps to @PrimeVideo

===Articles===

New article, but take it with a grain of salt, see @TheCozyPirate's message:

Our Flag Means Death's marketing was concerned about the shock of violence in the show

===============================================

Alright lovelies. Here we are again, I told you it'd be quick. Today was very very very busy. Take a break and get some sleep ya? Lean on your crew, we are here to support each other. I'll end with a quote from Tolkien (it being all of us in your crew):

"May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out."

Tonight picture features Taika and his "I love you eyes" at Rhys. Thats me, I'm Taika, I love you all.

PS: Idk why this isnt showing up in my recaps repository but ill figure it out in the morning.

[adrian-sheppy]

Sorry if this is completely wrong igore if it is LMAO but I noticed you seem to have different hcs for how mind lost his eye!!! Like in Seattles Going Under it was lost in a vague fight or something, but in art w/ the resonance cascade he lost it prolly during the ambush? I was wondering if you had info to share on it/infodump abt or if its just whatever makes the art more fun!

hehe youre observant and actually right on the money. yup!  so essentially i just have different eye trauma head canons for whichever version of freemind im drawing; since he doesnt actually lose his eye in canon, its up to everyone to fil in the blanks if they wanna use the popular headcanon. i wrote .  a good chunk of stuff .  so i put it under the cut . but heres a picture to be like a . tldr

I sorta like his eye already being gone before the resonance cascade (in a non-freemanverse scenario). he does verbally say something like "my eyes" in the series, indicating he has two, BUT . well.  its a headcanon. so we can have fun with it . my eye loss pre-rescas freemind stems from my original freemind design (before i ever started posting half-life on the internet) where he had short hair, but i needed a way to distinguish him from og gordon, so I used thr popular one eye headcanon. then I realized him losing his eye bc of the military goes perfectly with martini losing an arm. that bothered me for a while until i realized i could just have multiple freemind designs + headcanons. if theres different variations of Gordon  and martini, why can't there be some of Freemind as well? grins grins

i left it open ended in my SGU because people have their own headcanons and I thought anyone could just fill in their own. if I did every make a canon eyeloss event prequel thing, he would've lost his eye during college in some sort of either freak accident (like tripping on something and injuring himself bad; I like this one because he'll lie and say he was in a fight) or, like u said, a fight . for SGU, college was a low point in his life of him struggling with freedom from his parents for the firsr time, but them and their ideals still holding him hostage. he is simultaneously more repressed and more emotionally volatile than present!gordon. then, when his parents die, hes just given a clusterfuck of emotions. so why dont we add physical trauma? whatever the sgu canon event eye loss was, it was definitely related to substance abuse issues. whether that be he was high/drunk and got into an accident, or fought someone... not sure! yet. the only thing that i can say was that no fire or chemicals were involved, since his tearduct is (unfortunately for him) wholly in tact!

but for freemanverse!freemind, he should lose his eye during the rescas since its like thematic and stuff if (almost) every Gordon Loses Something. also, angst. whenever I draw freemanverse (even in a domestic setting) in my head, i always think of them surviving the rescas together! i have. convoluted freemanverse headcanons. the eye loss is an important freemanverae event because, like martini, it gives him a valid reason to REALLY dislike benrey (but in my au, benrey isnt the big bad, so he "redeems" himself kinda sorta) . and then it ALSO opens up freemind to be upset and vulnerable, which allows him to bond with his fellow freemen.

...

also I want barmey to tend to his wounds and call his scar(s) badass. im not immune to buttermind and i never was.

honorable mention: sims freemind, who has both eyes physically but only can see from one. this is due to me unable to properly texture a glasses + eyepatch combo, that and i have no experience with 3d modelling (I did try!).

i hope this is a satisfying enough infodump!! I'm sorry if it's a bit vague; a lot of my ideas tend to be fluid. i also like taking inspiration from what other people think! some of you guys are way super smart and have awesome ideas. i am not immune to well articulated essays and thought out headcanons

[kvothbloodless]

As someone who’s followed you for a long time, and a fellow writer….do you genuinely support chatGPT? Even if it has been proven to scrape people’s writings without their consent? And the fact that its a soulless husk of what actual writing is?

So Ive done my best to avoid AI discourse, but I am bad at it. So to put it clearly.

I dont Support chatgpt specifically. Its a program made by a corporation because they can make a profit from it, and curtail its capabilities in line with their goals. I use it sometimes because its fun ans convenient, but I dont pay for it or anything. I think pretty much all legitimate concerns about AI are really just concerns about corporate ethics, at which point the AI specifically becomes irrelevant

I also dont really think the situation in general is one where "support" is the right word to use; its like asking if I support cameras.

I want to be clear im not trying to be vague though; i think in general AI is pretty cool, and that 99% of the arguments against it are factually incorrect, based on inconsistent or bad moral frameworks, or both. Im not going to get into all the reasons AIs are cool, since I dont feel up to doing a Big AI Post, but I do want to gesture vahuely in the direction of how much more accessible this makes artistic creation and experimentation, and all the insanely fun things people can use AI for. However, i do want to address the common arguments against it, especially since it feels like a lot of people are just misinformed and falling into the very easy tumblr trap.

1. Scraping fics without consent: if you post something on a public site for the public to read, and someone downloads it to read it, its not stealing. Tumblr is generally pretty firmly against strict copywrite laws, so its a bit weird that so many people are Very concerned about AIs "stealing" their work in a way thats even less direct than fanfiction. Like, "your writing is so in character" and "wow youre really good at imitating the authors writing style" are common compliments on fics.

To be clear, there are absolutely ways of interacting with free public content thats bad (like reposting). But AIs arent frankensteining stuff together, or copy pasting anything; they literally could not do that. The training/model files are so insanely tiny compared to the amount of training data that it would be impossible for them to be storing that sort of thing. An AI learning from your writing isnt really any different than a human reading your writing, going "oh I like that" subconsciously, and using that to inform their future writing.

Whats that quote about "to get better at writing, read more"? If you believe that statememt is accurate, then Im a bit confused how youd be upset about an AI "reading" your writing and learning from it?

All of the Actual ways this could be used badly (copying someones art style and then selling art cheaper, etc.) arent actually unique to AI (a person can also do that!), and also usually arent really a thing thats happening enough to be a problem (most people who want art from an artist enough to commission them, are going to want it to actually be done By that artist). Using AI to make an original work, or even to finish a fanfic someone else wrote, is no more theft than if you did it by yourself.

2. "Soulless Husk": im sorry im genuinely trying my best here to be gentle and respectful, but this talking point genuinely makes my blood boil a bit, so im not trying to get personal or insult anyone specifically. Claiming that art made by humans is automatically deeper, that art is all about Meaning and Struggle, comes off as extremely pretentious and just doesnt engage with the reality of art. Im having trouble articulating a good argument here, but like. Art doesnt have to be deep, it doesnt have to have a Message, and the necessity of struggling in order to learn about and create art is an unequivocable bad thing.

Many many people make art (visual, written, etc.) becuase they want to see or read something cool or because they think others will find it fun. Many many people who would like to create art do not do so because it requires talent/practice that they are not willing to put the time and effort into developing, and this is not a moral issue. As Ive said before, laziness is a virtue and self-indulgance is a goal we should aspire to. Using a tool to make the incredibly fun act of creating easier and more accessible is awesome.

Also, who gets to define what "actual art" is? Genuinely seems a bit arrogant and presumptuous to declare that something is or is not "actual art" based on your own preferences.

The posts that Really annoy me are the ones that are like "cant understand the people RPing or playing a TTRPG with AI becuz its soulless. I only ever RP with other people because the fun part is being social or collaberatively building story" or whatever. Cool. I rp and play tabletops because i like to have fun and I enjoy those activities. Im gonna be honest, i find it a bit offensive and kinda.. dumb, to act like its somehow morally superior to only enjoy oneself in a way that Builds Community or Has A Meaning. People do meaningless things because they enjoy doing them and so long as no one is being hurt, thats fine.

3. Replacing workers: This is the only argument that has Any weight, but its still a bad argument. Its absolutrly true that AI is gonna put people out of work. The fact that more people will be out of work and struggling is a bad thing. This is also what happens when literally any new technology is developed, dating all the way back to the industrial revolution (at the Very latest). Automation is almost always a massive net benefit to humanity (im aware this topic could be its own series of posts but You Know What I Mean, please dont start industrialization discourse here), and the fact that it puts people out of work isnt actually an argument against it. Lots of radio operators lost their job when telephones were invented, but that doesnt mean people should have never used the telephone and obstinately stuck with radios. When phone technology advanced, a lot of phone operators lost their jobs, but that doesnt mean people were Morally Wrong to use the new developments that made phones far more convenient.

As in all things, el problema es capitalismo; AI isnt preventing anyone from doing art, its just reducing how many people can get paid to do their art. The correct solution to automation putting people out of work is not to stop the wheel of tech development, but to change society so that one doesnt have to slave away in order to survive.

This also raises the adjacent point, which is that halting tech development like this is impossible. Once the cat is out of the bag, its not going back in. AI tech is going to develop and become more widespread and theres literally nothing you can do to stop that. If you want to be upset about that, its your perogative ig, but im gonna be excitedly waiting for the dam to break and we get an open source LLM that I can use without worrying about data privacy or corporate filters, so I can have fun and RP however much I want and finally be able to write the stuff I want to write but cant do on my own because I have adhd and chronic fatigue, and Id kinda prefer if people stopped trying to rain on my parade because they think im not having fun or creating art in the "right way".

EDIT: I did want to add one more thing! A US court ruled that you cant copywrite something created completely by an AI, and i think thats an awesome move and I hope it gets expanded a bit and spreads elsewhere. This isnt a position based on whether something produced in this way counts as "real art" or is morally bad or whatever, I just think that reducing corporate and IP grasp on anything is good, and that AI specifically is going to be most enjoyable when its free and open source.

[jamieedlund]

What's ur favorite hc for Aaravos?

This is a surprisingly hard question to unpack for a lot of reasons- but I'll do my best to articulate myself (ง •_•)ง

I think this spoke for itself but just in case, here is a short elaboration: if I had to pick a favorite, it would have to be this.

He is someone who - despite all of the odds, despite how the world treated to him, despite being ridiculed, subjected to the worst torture known to man(yes solitary confinement is considered one of the most inhumane methods of torture) for over 300 years and had his name dragged through the mud for literal centuries-

-could still smile so brightly and sincerely like that, affirming that he does, with all of his heart, still very much love this world. However twisted that love might be, however difficult it was for him to learn how to use and express that love in a healthy way, it still speaks volume about who he is as a person.

Now if you have the time, allow me to explain bellow. If not, stop here, the question is basically answered 🙏💗 Thank you for reading!

Hello, if you're reading this that means you are willing to listen/read more about my thoughts and therefore I expect you to have a leveled head and a polite attitude to what I'm about to say.

If not then why are you here there was LITERALLY A STOP BUTTON. Please click off this post, what are you doing with your life wasting it hate watching me? 

With that being said, hello! fellow polite person who is reading this - - - Spoiler there is no illust down here because I'm running low on time on my thesis I'm so sorry ;;A;; Here is the elaboration to why this is my default favorite headcanon!

While I am aware of the amount of WILDLY different headcanons that exist out there for him, which are very popular within the fandom and even taken as gospel, I strongly feel that mine isn't really aligned with some, if not most of the hc out there at all.

Personally, I don't even agree with the canon version of in him ss4.

I'm assuming that you are asking me about my- personal favorite headcanon for him so for now, my answer will be: Ignoring the terrible characterization of him in season 4, my absolute favorite thing about him has to be: Despite everything, despite what everyone says about him, despite how the world perceives him

He is

without a doubt

Someone who loves this world very much.

Again this all ties in with what I'm going to present in my thesis, so I can't elaborate on it too much without giving any spoilers to the case I'm going to present for him. But for now, and especially right now at the time of writing this, they just released another vaguely worded and filled to the brim with plot holes short story regarding his past ... I-- hm I sincerely have no intention to keep up with the series... Therefore my hc will definitely contradict vastly with the horrendous plot holes ridden pre-established canon

-which then made the act of answering to this question exceedingly difficult due to the way I personally perceive him.

To wrap it up, all I want to say is, we could have had it all, a character who would make us cry, laugh and want to root for, had they written him with love and care, rather than trying to stuff him into the shoes a villain, which just felt forced and unnatural. Villains who are terrible only to be stopped have been overdone, and for tdp to be another generic show is a huge waste of potential

Wouldn't most of us have killed for, finally, an antagonist who isn't actually the antagonist but rather the very system that these people are experiencing is the actual villain ? ? ?

Best of all, they could have contrasted this with Callum, our protagonist. In Callum's case, despite being portrayed as one of "the good guys" or "heroes", he has all the reason to hate the world. This in turn create a complex narrative about the nature of people - Or in this case, the hero acting morally righteous despite hating the world vs the guy who was deemed evil and terrible by the world and yet still loves it with all of his heart. It could have been a heart-warming story about how two individuals find their way in this messed up world-- but nope~ non of this is canon :DDD

When in the history of television has any shows have a twist with the "hero" and "villain" ditching their role immediately to become a neutral party to reflect all the flaws in the world they live in? ? ? TDP had the perfect setup, but then proceeded to drop all of the balls spectacularly in ss4...

I always try my best to not touch ss4 but it feels almost impossible to talk about Aaravos w/out addressing the disservice that it did to his character. And that is all, I have to say for now~

Sincerely, thank you for reading.

[girderednerve]

i wanted to write about military apologia in a fanfiction. sorry all

now that i am at long last done with my stupidly long naruto podfic [codename sasuke derangement fic 😔] i am reflecting on the process. i had a lot of time to reflect during the process also, especially since the fun part of making podfic is the reading & the dull part is the editing, i did all the reading a full year ago, & the editing took forever. i keep thinking about popular depictions of the military & ways that military culture filters outward into civilian life. the story that i read has an immense 'my cousin is in the army' vibe to it, i don't know how else to express it; there's a particular way of articulating what being in the military morally & materially consists of that is fascinating to me. i, too, come from a military family to some degree—my father was an army officer during desert storm, and my partner was preceded by three generations of marines—which maybe makes this topic feel more present to me.

part of what made the sasuke derangement fic so deranging for me personally is that its sasuke is obsessed with duty; to some degree he was born to be a soldier. he doesn't particularly care about military etiquette & the actual military hierarchy makes no sense at all, but there's this overwhelming idea for him that he has a set of unbreakable oaths, some voiced & some not, & he feels them sharply & continuously. he's a spectacular military man: very no-man-left-behind (comical, i realize, given half the things he does in canon, but there's some justification in the fic itself), despises his own weaknesses, establishes a joking rapport with other soldiers (all of them men, naturally, even though in the actual canon text there are many women soldiers) which hinges on constant low-grade sexism, drinks to excess, struggles to articulate his feelings, grieves only violently or in silence. he's very good at fighting also, obviously. sasuke himself at no point expresses any desire to be a soldier, but is also good at soldiering & has no ideas for what else he could do; he comes from a military lineage, has an aptitude, & that's that.

but these ideas about the military aren't necessarily specific in the way that i've suggested they are, with my mean-spirited 'cousin-in-the-army' comment; in fact, they're very general. it's other things that get me—a scene where, for convoluted reasons, he has to explain his tattoos to top brass (in the real world, recent enlistees explain their tattoos as part of a half-hearted effort to keep open nazis out of the army); flippant comments about ration quality (poor, naturally); a repeated annoyance with civilian governance, even though in the source text there is none; low pay; a long desert deployment his forebears still mention sometimes; even sasuke's suicidality is part of a widespread narrative about the modern american soldier. he manages in the sequel to get a sort of dear john letter, actually, which is hilarious in its way. a military culture that, in naruto, is mostly sketched-out vaguely (it's a story for twelve-year-olds) but focuses on the rigidity of duty & the horrors of war retains these elements but comes with a lot of vague ideas about paperwork and saluting.

i don't have anywhere in particular to go with this other than to observe that it's strange & funny to me to encounter military apologia in anime fanfiction, which makes sense (anime is everywhere; plenty of people know someone in the army) but still feels absurd to some degree. i have one very strongly held opinion about what it means to be an american soldier, & it is that smedley butler was correct: that is called being a racketeer for empire. most narratives about the american military now try to direct your attention away from what soldiers are being deployed to accomplish in favor of pointing to nebulous ideas about keeping the rest of us safe (whatever we might imagine this to mean) & dwelling in loving detail on the honor & humanity of soldiers, their hopes & travails, the sacrifices they make; the humanity of the people whom they kill & whose homes they invade mostly exists as part of the horror of soldiering (sasuke doesn't have this particular problem).

it's so true, though, when people say that there's almost no genuine anti-war position available in the united states: ubiquitous veterans discounts, POW/MIA flags, 'thank you for your service' everywhere, services & programs for veterans only. genuinely it makes me nauseous, and people are extremely resistant to any efforts to stop doing these things. meanwhile i think we should all avoid incentivizing anyone to join the military for any reason. i don't think a naruto fanfiction is going to do anything one way or the other & i doubt most people looking through the naruto/sasuke tag are seriously contemplating joining up (lmao), which is why i posted it.

anyway just thinking it through, happy to receive reading recommendations and/or exhortations to read a real book

[louisisalarrie]

hi! Keen to get your view on the reason for thinking that Zayn’s leaving stopped LHs coming out. I saw this theory floating around in the past but always thought that would not be the case as at that time it was already clear that Harry was set to venture out as the solo artist eventually. Also see one of zayns recents interviews where he confirms that.

So… look. I wrote this massive thing about this, but looking along Xarry and bbg timelines and everything, I came across the wonderful @caralara’s post here which sums this up essentially just how I believe it happened too. And it’s very articulate and there are so many resources I figured it would make sense to share it as opposed to recreating almost the same post (but more messy hehe). It makes a lot of sense in terms of music industry dynamics, gives a lot of clarity and context to the stunts and timelines around the point that zayn left, and… I honestly think more people should see it to better understand bbg.

Regarding Zayn’s interview comments over the last 9 years… well… it’s been a wild ride. They started out with “I loved being in the band but I didn’t like the music we did” to “I made no friends in that time and I never spoke to Harry” to “the schedule was too tough” to “I don’t want to go into too much detail, but there was a lot of politics going on. People were doing certain things. Some people didn’t want to sign contracts,” which, well, speaks for itself. He also mentioned he wanted to be “the first person to make their own record” so it’s all a bit muddy and jumps back and forth. Also, didn’t he say that about the hiatus “Louis and Harry are the ones that know why, you have to ask them” or am I imagining that????? I swear I saw a gif of that somewhere so if anyone can help that’d be good. But also, if it was fake, then that’s fine too.

The thing is with commentary after a band splits and the member(s) goes solo, is that they are still media trained professionals. Zayn could absolutely hate those boys and rip them, and S*mon, to shreds, but he didn’t. Because there would be repercussions. There are alwaysssss repercussions. So, even though he can point to certain things vaguely, he wouldn’t out anyone or throw them under the bus, particularly the boys, if he wants to keep his career. But yeah, Harry was encouraged to go solo, and there’s that interview ot4 do on the day of their last show before the hiatus where Harry and Louis look like they’ve been arguing and Louis was very upset about the split. It would’ve caused a rift between all of them.

Not to mention that their deal would have had a clause to say “if you all get through the whole contract, you’ll all get significantly more $$ and percentages of your music, but if one of you leaves you’ll get way less than that”, and it was only one more year. One more album, one more tour. But zayn bounced for the sake of his own health, which I’m not blaming him for at all. And Harry and Louis were undoubtedly mad about that because… well… even if they signed as a group with the label and same management again, there would’ve been some pretty hefty negotiations, including coming out. But zayn left, and it encouraged the rest of them to take a break. They needed it. They deserved it.

But listen… I mean, even if you dont wanna believe the theory I linked above, it was quite obvious that harry was becoming more free and Xander and Jeff were a big part of that. Zayn left the band via a Facebook post, which was HUGE. a massive scandal. And there’s only so many scandals a PR and management team will allow before it hits the band too negatively. Anyway, that theory makes a lot of sense to me.

Anyway, if you want more clarification on what I believe or have any questions regarding that theory or why it makes sense from someone who works in the industry, or anything, don’t hesitate to ask. And sorry for taking so long to reply to you angel. Thank you for your patience!!

[mizuta]

far from it to be my style to post about hashtag mental health issues on main but like. look. ive& been psychotic as far back as i can tangibly remember (hallucinating at 10-11, cognitive symptoms and episodes by 13-14). its been a part of my life so long that like... in a lot of ways im used to it and coping with symptoms and my life grew around a lot of the symptoms. like a tree trunk growing around a foreign object as a sapling. something that pierces directly through the middle but doesnt really impact the trees ability to stay alive in any meaningful way.

so like in a lot of ways im used to being in my own head. my partner is good at recognizing that things that are distressing to me in episodes dont process whatsoever as distressing to me a good chunk of the time. when im acting visibly distressed it actually means my level of distress is at like, 200%. its fucking unmanageable. if im visibly distressed its worse than anyone could conceptualize because typically otherwise im just numb to a lot of it or its just default my reality that its not distressing in any meaningful way until after the fact.

but like im ngl just because ive spent all of my teenage years upwards trying to take up literally the least space possible to exist and never show 80% of my "unacceptable" symptoms to 99% of people does not mean it makes it any less uncomfortable or awkward to like. be the token psychotic in some groups. to have to be the buzzkill and shit thats like hey sorry heres my hyperspecific request of the year because im fucking insane.

its miserable in a fresh new way of like sorry to have to remind everyone that its not actually a funny character quirk or joke my brain literally does not exist in your 'reality' in any meaningful way and the further outside of it i am on a given day the more unpleasant youre going to find me to be around. ignoring the insane person talking aimlessly in public doesnt actually help me it usually just reinforces that youre not real and never will be if its a bad enough day.

its never intentional. like nobody is ever doing this on purpose. especially again because i spent so much of my life being very good at hiding it. but like... it sucks so much to be masking half the time and be a little too good at it so when you stop being able to people are always levels of uncomfortable or upset. it sucks when you cant articulate anything properly and nobody really knows how to understand what youre asking for. it sucks when you have multiple severe memory conditions and cant trust your own memory and everyone immediately questions your memory when you ask for anything or point anything out. like of course im just going to fucking fold.

i dont know where im going with this or if this itself is even that coherent i know it sounds super vague but it really isnt about anyone specific im just babbling about like years worth of garbage. i got so fucked over by fakeclaiming culture because unfortunately when i started really displaying symptoms i was a teenager trying not to kill himself and being fucking insane loudly in virtual public when that was apparently an "obvious sign of exaggerating" so i had to learn to shut the fuck up and now everybody loves to forget how much im fucking unwell because god forbid you think too hard about what youre saying around others.

thank god for my partner who is literally the first person in my entire life whos ever tried to understand and genuinely knows how to talk to me when im in a particularly bad delusion or hallucinating or whatever.

man. im tired. i found out this last month i probably need to get a cane when i move out and i still feel like im going to be appropriating shit because severe knee and upper leg paint and severe balance problems cant be that bad. i hate having memory problems so bad that i so easily can be told that i dont know shit and Y is actually what happened and i usually cant actually argue against it even if im so sure thats not true.

[fili-urzudel]

Infodump

Whoops it looks like my threat to infodump backfired lol

I wanna let you guys get to know me without compromising my personal information online so if this seems vague in weird spots that's why.

Name: well I just looked through my several Name notes and saw the name Maewyn (the name of my future daughter in Stardew Valley lol) and I like that so why not, if you need to refer to me call me Maewyn or Mae.

Family: I live with my parents and sister, all of whom I adore! I'm the eldest child. We got our first dog when I was 12 and he's still with us.

Favorite Color: Purple. It's pretty and I look good in it ngl. I prefer more blue-tinted shades like indigo or periwinkle.

Favorite flower: it's insanely hard to choose! Botanical gardens and hikes through parks are some of my favorite activities and oh my goodness the pretty plants you see in those places. I might just have to say roses because I have three bushes of my own in the front garden that I tend to every summer and fall.

Favorite Animal: Elephants! I have reasons but I'm not going to articulate that right now sorry

Favorite metal: I'm not a very jewelry oriented person, mostly because of my eczema, but I own mostly silver jewelry.

Favorite stone: once again hard to choose, they're all so pretty. Opal is magnificent, but my only problem with it is it's so soft, so as a practical person who prefers day-to-day wear, it's not the best stone for me.

Zodiac (just in case you were thinking of asking): All I know is I'm a Scorpio.

Hogwarts House: I took the Pottermore quiz in fifth grade and got assigned Ravenclaw so that's what I'm sticking to. Not knowing anything about Harry Potter, I think I'm a Ravenclaw with Hufflepuff tendencies, or vice versa.

Favorite thing to study: I am a student of a lot of things so it's hard to choose, I think every subject has its charm. I love reading and thinking about themes and creative writing (obviously) but I couldn't see doing that for a living because I fear I either wouldn't be motivated enough or having to make money off of something artistic would take the joy out of it. I'm studying Computer Science, and it's very interesting. Biology and Anatomy are super cool as well, but once again I don't think I'm suited to the life of a researcher or a doctor.

Hopes and dreams: just to be a well-adjusted and kind person. I want to be the person that people are drawn to and feel like they can trust, the kind of person where "my door is always open" is a reliable statement. I'm a very shy and quiet person, and maybe not necessarily super emotive, so I feel like at the moment it's a bit hard for people to believe that I care or I'm someone who could care, even though I do, very deeply. Literally my personality goals are Peeta Mellark, Beth March, Samwise Gamgee, and I think my faith plays a lot into that.

Other Fandoms: Star Wars (esp. the Prequels and cartoons) and Star Trek for sure!! I have another sideblog dedicated to that. I'm watching ST:TOS right now and it is so unbelievably fun. I used to be a Marvel fan. I'm still a hardcore Spider-man fan (all media fr fr). I play Stardew Valley, a little Palia but just for the graphics if I'm honest. Uhhh I'm blanking right now so that must mean those are the really important ones.

Fun facts:

I need all four wisdom teeth removed and either braces or Invisalign in the next few years, along with a not-so-purely-cosmetic periodontal surgery.

I downloaded Goodreads maybe three weeks ago and I have 229 books on my Want to Read list.

I skipped all of my high school English classes through Dual Enrollment.

When I clean my room I clean clean but I only do it once every one or two months, and in between it kind of turns into a disaster zone.

I'm gonna get my hair cut from 18 inches to 4-6 inches in a couple months and I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

I want to make myself a capsule wardrobe soon.

I crochet and as soon as I have a little more free time I'm going to teach myself to knit. After that probably quilting, even though I suck at sewing.

I interviewed someone about his beard today.

I'm watching The Vow with my family right now when I probably should be working on my physics.

And if you know me irl, these fun facts will probably let you piece together that it's me running this blog.

That concludes this evening's infodump, I hope you enjoyed.

[tryingtimi]

Writer Q&A Tag Game

Thank you @aninkwellofnectar for the tag! 💖

1) What motivates you to write?

To connect to people in a way I wouldn't be able to in any other form. I am not good at articulating my thoughts to others, so this is one of my ways to try to.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

Lonel stole a glance from the decorative clock on the nearest wall.  It ticked, as her words ticked something in him. The anger she was spitting those tearful words; that was way too familiar. He listened, keeping his eyes on the woman. It was clear that this was her moment, the time to open up and embrace whatever she was feeling. Yeah, he understood that, respected that. To an extent, it must have been great. Just great. 

From Lonel's first chapter, where he listens to someone in their support group.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Well, if we stay on Project Lonel, then it's Odena. She's a very intelligent woman with great humour, devotion to those who she loves and having a pretty neat level of self-awareness. It's hard for her to acknowledge when she was wrong, but when she does, she does it properly. She has a lot of empathy, but she is not naive. Not even the least. (which is an absolute blast to explore as someone who is the opposite lmao) She's also very sweet, and playful when you are close to her. She's basically someone who I'd look up at irl, to be honest.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

The typing, when you have the chance to play with words, and metaphors and descriptions. Oh boy, the descriptions, I'm definitely guilty in overdescribing things, but I love it and no one can stop me, I'm sorry. I also discovery write a lot of part of the story, but it goes way smoother for me if I have at least a very vague chapter by chapter outline. So, I can exceptionally enjoy the process of making that outline too, to be honest.

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Setting the atmosphere and the mood. With a wall of description, yes.

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

The friendliness and the direct support. I'm not a part of any other community outside of writeblr or tumblr itself, tho I was on Wattpad for a while. However, in comparison to WP, tumblr is much more, well, direct and that makes it a quite wholesome experience honestly.

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Not specifically a writing program, but I use Notion to store and organise my things. My OCD loves it to bits, and it helps me get inspired I think. With all the costumization possibilites, I can make a page that will always get me in the mood of my story.

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

The Crimson Shadow Pub&Bar, which is an important gathering point for all vampiric activity. Especially that orgy kind of thing where they invite humans who offer their blood willingly and gather them to store for later, since they trade with blood. You see, in Lonel, when a vampire drinks someone's blood, they extract that person's best ability with it. For example: a runner has their stamina in it. And if another human drinks that, they gain that specific ability in a big dose temporarily. It's like a funky steroid or something. Which is why it also addictive to humans, and so the vampires started a business with it in secret.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Can't say a better one than Nectar: read books! They are the perfect source for encouragement, and inspiration. It's a must for me to read before I start to write because then that goes so much smoothly too. And if you found a story that speaks to you, that will help you get back on track with your project too, in my experience.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

Here are some of my biggest supporters / people whose writing I enjoy.

@aninkwellofnectar, @bloodlessheirbyjacques, @the-void-writes, @circa-specturgia, @aschlindartroom, @dyrewrites, @blind-the-winds, @muddshadow, @odysseywritings

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Dave Strider

Act 6, page 7493-7496

ROXY: haha im sorry

ROSE: Sorry about what?

ROXY: for stammering an all being an agog grinning idiot

ROXY: i just cannot....

ROXY: actually believe u are real and here and alive and not dying and so am i!

ROXY: here with u i mean + sharin all those mentioned attributes

ROSE: I can't believe it either!

ROXY: i have so much to say...

ROXY: i think???

ROXY: even though i cant think of the stuff atm

ROSE: I know what you mean.

ROXY: i hope its ok if i just sit near u not bein 'specially articulate for a bit

ROSE: That is more than ok.

ROSE: As long as you are willing to similarly excuse the spectacular demise of my capacity for artful self-expression.

ROXY: omg!!!!

ROXY: ahahah youre dirk!

ROXY: wow wow i just caught it wow wow wow!

ROXY: you sound SO much like him oh my GOD thats too perf and cute :3

ROSE: Dirk?

ROXY: hahah i cant get over it now i cant unhear it...

ROXY: even your voice sounds kinda like his but its just... girl dirk

ROXY: lmao wow yes <3

ROSE: He sounds like a hell of a guy.

ROXY: ohh u have noo idea

ROSE: Well, I'm told he should be arriving here in a little while.

ROSE: If he's anything like Dave's late older brother, and if he's anything like me, which he apparently is, then this is when I'm guessing the real party will begin.

ROXY: im redy <|:)

ROSE: I want to know things about him.

ROSE: Such as, if he shares his elder counterpart's avarice for soft puppet ass.

ROSE: And if that, combined with his myriad, vaguely unsettling psychological peculiarities, could occupy a dedicated team of therapists for years.

ROXY: the answer is yes and yes

ROSE: Hmm.

ROSE: Knowing this amuses me, for some reason.

ROSE: But mainly, there are things I want to know about you.

ROSE: I presume there will be plenty of time later to hound my biological father for the dirt on his proclivities.

ROXY: whatta ya wanna know about me?

ROSE: Everything!

ROSE: I think the main difficulty in deciding what to ask is in sifting questions I would have for my mother, that is to say, the woman who raised me, from the questions I have for you.

ROXY: well i didnt raise u or anything but i can sincerely take a crack at both kindsa questions

ROSE: Ok.

ROSE: Do...

ROSE: You really like wizards?

ROXY: rose

ROSE: Yes?

ROXY: rose

ROXY: rooose

ROSE: ...

ROXY: i fucken

ROXY: LOVE

ROXY: wizzards

ROSE: I see.

ROSE: As odd as it sounds, that actually does go pretty far in letting me know something about both of you.

ROXY: oh?

ROSE: My relationship with her was complicated.

ROSE: But I've come to see that as mostly my fault. I was too young to understand her.

ROXY: i never even got the chance to misunderstand my mom

ROXY: or grownup you

ROXY: or... i mean i didnt get to misunderstand her IN PERSON

ROXY: more like as a legendary figure

ROXY: cause i grew up 400 years after she died

ROSE: Ah, right.

ROSE: I think I'm going to have to call the contest early. Yours is the more interesting biography, by quite a lot.

ROXY: not really!

ROXY: not to me at least... i was lonely

ROXY: i thought about her a lot to pass the time

ROXY: she was p amazing at least according to history

ROXY: she wrote hella books about wizards and rode a genocidal fat man down a waterfall of blood

ROSE: She wrote hella books about wizards?

ROXY: yeh!

ROXY: they were famous n good and everything

ROSE: It sounds like I fumbled into the wrong line of work.

ROSE: There's no money in this Sburb business.

ROSE: Well, there is. It just comes in incredibly stupid denominations, which are not particularly useful.

KANAYA: Do You Have Copies Of These Books

ROXY: ummmm yes!

ROXY: yes i do there are copies back on my planet

ROXY: assuming john didnt retcon them away like a book thiefin sneak!

KANAYA: I Would Really Love To Read Them Some Time If You Wouldnt Mind

ROXY: no not at all!

ROSE: By the way, this is Kanaya.

ROSE: Sorry for the combination of bad manners and general dumbfoundedness which precluded a more timely introduction.

KANAYA: Hello

ROXY: hey!

ROXY: thats a nice name and also ur pretty

KANAYA: Thank You

KANAYA: I Admire The Aesthetics Of Your Name And Appearance As Well And In No Small Part Due To Their Respective Similarity To Your Daughters

ROXY: wow man that was somehow both a convoluted thing to say yet smooth as hell

ROXY: m impressed

ROSE: Welcome to Maryam City, population, a whole lot of great remarks like that.

ROXY: but yes ill get u those books!

ROXY: theyre great they made me wanna write my own wizard books

ROSE: Did you?

ROXY: errr

ROXY: yeah sorta :\

ROSE: Could I read them?

ROXY: ummmm

ROSE: Hey, you got to read mine!

ROXY: yeah but u were like an old pro when u wrote yours!

ROXY: they are freaking MASTERPIECE WIZARDFICS!!!

ROXY: they won pulizters and shit

ROSE: Did they really??

ROXY: um idk probably?

ROSE: Oh.

ROXY: i dunno they are just vry vry good

ROXY: so the ancient prize scholars im sure were like, dude these wizards

ROXY: are vry vry fucking good

ROXY: give them all the awards, then shut down the awards, but not cuz of the looming apocalypse, just cuz u literally cannot do better than these wizards

ROSE: I can live with that.

ROSE: It's always been one of my professional goals to write tales of magical men so provocative, they would cause the permanent and unceremonious dissolution of at least one prestigious award.

ROXY: so yeah i dunno i guess u can see

ROXY: but its a pale ghost of a story compared to ur stuff and its also um kinda weird?

ROSE: I like weird!

ROXY: yeah

ROXY: just... your opinion means a lot to me & im nervous u might think it sucks!

ROSE: But I never even wrote the masterpieces you read.

ROSE: I think you may have a view of my abilities which I haven't earned yet.

ROSE: Really, I'm not that good.

ROSE: I have my own story drafts which you can read if you like.

ROSE: They're nothing special, frankly.

ROXY: o really??

ROXY: aw man ok then that sounds fun! :)

KANAYA: If During Your Manuscript Exchange You Need Someone To Read Over Your Shoulder

KANAYA: Say

KANAYA: To Proofread

KANAYA: Or

KANAYA: To Purge Each Sentence Of Punctuation And Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word

KANAYA: Id Be Happy To Volunteer

KANAYA: Strictly Professionally Of Course And Not Because I Really Want To Read Your Wizard Things Too

KANAYA: (I Really Want To Read Your Wizard Things Too I Hope Thats Okay)

ROXY: hahaha yeah sure its ok!

ROXY: kanaya sorry me and rose are babbling away here to each other we dont mean to be excluding you

KANAYA: Its Fine I Am Thoroughly Enjoying My Role As A Spectator

KANAYA: I Know That Rose Has Been Looking Forward To This A Lot

KANAYA: And That She Received Similarly Vicarious And Politely Passive Enjoyment From The Interactions I Had With My Ancestor

KANAYA: So Now I Will Just Resume The Politely Passive Part Of It Ha Ha

ROXY: u dont gotta!

ROXY: jump in whenever you feelin it! :D

ROXY: i love meeting new trolls

ROXY: well at least when theyre not evil or somethin

ROXY: love them not evil trolls

ROXY: like the cranky one over there in rad ruby shades

KANAYA: Terezi

ROXY: yeah shes a boss

KANAYA: Thats A Pretty Fair Way To Describe The Attitude Of Anyone Higher Than Me On The Hemospectrum

KANAYA: But Yes You Are Right

ROXY: oh also

ROXY: lest we forget dear fefeta

KANAYA: Fefeta

KANAYA: Do You Mean

KANAYA: Feferi?

ROXY: no fefeta!!!

ROXY: she was a dear precious soul

KANAYA: Hmm

ROXY: she was my sprite

ROXY: guess she never happened in this version of stuff though?

ROXY: dang

ROXY: thats sad but maybe not quite as sad as her existing then exploding?

ROXY: im confuse

ROXY: wonder what even else is different...

ROSE: Well, you died too.

ROXY: i did?

ROSE: Yes, while pushing me out of the way of a fork.

ROSE: So, thank you for that, retroactively. And... to a different version of you.

ROXY: jeez

ROXY: yeah i... had a really similar thing happen in my timeline...

ROXY: also involving a fork

ROXY: and even tho youre ok now its still almost too sad to even talk about

ROSE: Yeah.

ROSE: We didn't get to exchange even a single word before you were gone.

ROSE: All I could think was, "How can this be happening again?"

ROSE: Luckily the sense of misery was short lived, though.

ROSE: It wasn't long before I was informed the incident was part of something bigger taking shape.

ROSE: And that John was on his way with a different version of you.

ROSE: I had no idea what "a different version" actually entailed, but I wasn't about to quibble.

ROSE: I was so relieved.

ROXY: same

ROXY: altho...

ROXY: instead of waiting for you to come back i had to jump thru all these hoops with john

ROXY: and went through some uh

ROXY: different stuff

ROXY: i uh

ROXY: i MAY have thrown an impromptu funeral for your alt-u dead body :o

ROSE: You did?

ROXY: yup

ROXY: sorry if that sounds weird

ROXY: and i knew i was comin to meet a new version of you

ROXY: but

ROXY: it helped me

ROXY: with like

ROXY: feelings about people i left behind

ROSE: A funeral...

ROSE: Wow, that,

ROXY: ?

ROSE: Sorry for this, if it comes off as odd, but,

ROSE: That is so "mom" of you.

ROXY: oh yea?

ROSE: M-hm.

ROXY: hehe

ROXY: i like your mom!

ROSE: Me too.

ROSE: I don't mean to be too analytical about getting to know you, really.

ROSE: I guess comparisons are little hard for me to avoid, since the adult version of you played such a significant role in my life.

ROSE: So I can't help seeing the similarities when they are there.

ROSE: But also you are so clearly your own person, shaped by your own experiences, and that is the person I would prefer to get to know, rather than a young avatar for the memory of a departed parent.

ROSE: Yet this is the context which somewhat inescapably colors my perception of what you reveal.

ROSE: So while some observations are in the vein of predictable, charmingly so, mind you...

ROSE: Others I regard as surprising.

ROXY: what about me is surprising?

ROSE: Well.

ROSE: You aren't,

ROSE: You don't quite seem like a person who...

ROSE: Er.

ROXY: .....?

ROSE: I don't want to ask anything that would sound rude to you, or spiteful to her.

ROSE: Because I don't feel that conflicted about this anymore.

ROSE: Particularly since I had my own troubles with it. So it would be pretty hypocritical.

ROXY: conflicted about what?

ROSE: Let me back up a little.

ROSE: It was a long ride on that meteor.

ROSE: One experiences things over a few years, given a lot of time to think. Changes and such.

ROSE: About half way through, I started thinking more...

ROSE: About mom. And about you.

ROSE: Knowing that I'd probably meet you, and. I don't know. Live up to the experience?

ROSE: It's silly, but I'm guessing you understand what I mean.

ROXY: :)

ROSE: Basically, I was just nervous.

ROSE: And it was all mixed up with feelings of conflict and remorse over my mother.

ROSE: Who, to my hazy preteen recollection, never wasted a day in my life on sobriety.

ROSE: She and her habit put all those days to quite effective use, actually.

ROSE: And I don't even quite remember the thought process that led to this, but,

ROSE: I sort of ran with it too?

ROSE: The habit, I mean. For a while at least.

ROSE: I was still distraught about losing her. And wanted to understand her.

ROSE: To connect with her, in some way. And I guess that was the only idea I had.

ROSE: And on some level, I think connecting with her was also a way of preparing myself to meet you...

ROSE: Even though that probably makes no sense.

ROSE: Since you aren't literally her, and don't share all her...

ROSE: I guess I shouldn't speak for you, though.

ROXY: so youre sayin

ROXY: youre surprised im unlike her in that way cause i dont seem like someone whod get drunk off her ass all the time?

ROSE: Um-

ROXY: hahahaha

ROXY: well i guess i should be flattered if u rly think so buttttt

ROXY: wrong

ROSE: So... you,

ROXY: my storys kind of like yours!

ROXY: i had a mom i never knew and wanted to feel close to her however i could

ROXY: i grew up MOSTLY unsupervised in her old old house

ROXY: and it had all this old stuff in it plus some old booze squirrelled away here and there

ROXY: aaand i just uhhh started up even tho i was WAY too young for shit like that WHOOPS....

ROXY: and like i said it was a bit lite on discipline round then, its not like a buncha silly pumpkin eaters were gonna stop me

ROSE: Pumpkin eaters?

ROXY: chess guys

ROXY: loads of them

ROSE: !

ROXY: but yeah i wanted to be like her and do what she did but mostly just made a hot catastrophe of myself

ROXY: i doubt that is what she wanted

ROXY: at the time it seemed like a cool thing a real intellectual an mysterious book celebrity would do while also leading a badass and secretly subversive life in opposition of tyranny

ROXY: but

ROXY: i think what is more likely is

ROXY: she knew the whole world would end and everyone would die no matter what she did

ROXY: which was probly hard to live with

ROXY: idk if i can blame the old lady for wantin to get a WEE bit sauced after a couple of rapping clowns won a presidential election

ROSE: Yeah, I...

ROSE: Wait, what?

ROSE: Clowns?

ROXY: long story

ROXY: bad story

ROXY: plz continue

ROSE: Ok. Yes, I'm sure my mother knew the end was coming too.

ROSE: Knowing that helped put a lot of her behavior in context for me. I was always too young to understand.

ROXY: poor moms :(

ROXY: poor poor adult dead sexy lady us :( :(

ROSE: Truth.

ROXY: but anyway

ROXY: back to... us!

ROXY: kid alive sexy lady us

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: It sounds like your Rose had an incredible career, but all things considered, I prefer being kid alive sexy lady me.

ROXY: agree

ROXY: i know what you mean about being nervous

ROXY: about meeting you i mean

ROXY: maybe nervous isnt quite right but

ROXY: when i started thinking about meeting u is when i started thinkin...

ROXY: i should try being not QUIIITE such a mess

ROXY: so i started takin the idea of cleaning up my act more seriously

ROSE: Ultimately, I concluded the same thing.

ROSE: I decided it wouldn't be a very dignified way to make an entrance.

ROSE: Or for that matter, a very constructive way to help out in a struggle to preserve reality.

ROSE: Luckily, I was able to cut it out a while ago. I admit, it wasn't easy.

ROSE: But it helped a lot to have people around looking out for me.

ROSE: *Poke.*

KANAYA: ...

KANAYA: *Sits Poked*

ROXY: yeah i had friends help me too!

ROXY: i couldnta done it w/o them either

ROSE: I never had "IRL" friends before this trip.

ROSE: It's interesting to observe the various ways they apply themselves to your benefit.

ROSE: Some people are around to make you feel like you're worth sticking with, even when you fuck up.

ROSE: And some people are around to kick your ass to make sure you don't.

ROXY: haha

ROXY: i think i had to play the latter role to my friends a lot

ROXY: and also to myself i guess

ROXY: who kicked your ass

ROXY: was it the yelly guy over there?

ROSE: No, Karkat was mostly preoccupied with his own... shenanigans.

ROSE: The yelling is deceptive. He's a rather private person.

ROSE: Vriska, however.

ROSE: She really is quite an extravagant bitch.

ROXY: lmao

ROSE: But it turns out people like that tend to have some convenient assets.

ROSE: Such as, the sheer force of personality to keep a bunch of idiots from falling apart.

ROSE: Don't get me wrong. It's quite annoying.

ROSE: But... useful.

ROXY: yeaaah

ROXY: i probably should have been more of a bitch to all my peeps

ROXY: maybe we wouldnt have gone to jail and died

ROSE: Let it be a lesson to us all.

ROXY: seriously tho

ROXY: is so nice hearin ur stories

ROXY: especially the similarities of stuff we experienced

ROXY: wizards and writing and mom stuff and even bad things we went through

ROXY: and obviously were similar by dna and all

ROXY: but even so

ROXY: it still feels comforting

ROXY: that even if u flip the universe upside down and change it all around

ROXY: pull us apart by centuries, kill humans off, flood the world

ROXY: were still connected to each other

ROXY: in a mysterious way that goes beyond genes and circumstance

ROXY: and that i think is some tight frickin noise to consider

ROSE: I'm considering it right now, and yes.

ROSE: That noise... it is SO tight.

ROXY: :')

ROSE: :')

KANAYA: :')

DAVE: hey what are we all talking about over here

ROSE: Damn it, Dave.

[purewater100]

So. Leviathans in supernatural could have been really played for the long run, there were implications that not all of them were forced back to “The Purg”

Leviathans can mutate an angel, so why cant they mutate other beings? Talking full body horror werewolf mutated to the point of radiation poisoning like distress type of mutations. Cosmic being being sucked dry by these parasites and infected by a madness (space rabies?)

Recently I went down the cool DnD monster hole and I thought “hey, what if a Leviathan mutated a Mimic?” got kinda demogorgon-esque and that led me to the epic and cool idea of what a leviathan dick would look like. or vag. or both at the same time (long story)

Anyway this all leads to “How would Castiel treat a half-human character or monster?” regardless of what they have or havent done. He respects human life sure but he was antagonistic with Sam at first and downright ready to kill a CHILD who was half-demon (not for the first time nor the last)

Would late-season Cas drop kick a half-human child? likely not, but I have decided to ask around for opinions on what people think Castiel would do on his own in reference to any not full human in any capacity. (unknown if hes ever met garth which I thought about a LOT) bc he isnt exactly nice to werewolves or vamps or anyone he isnt on neutral/decent terms with and even then its a moment-to-moment things.

What do you think Castiel would act like around non-humans (or angels)? Would he drop kick a child just for being in proximity of a hunt bc the adult monsters were doing not great stuff?

I LOVE YOU.

I wanna say that the last late season i've watched recently (recently meaning like two months ago) is season 12 so im really going off of what i vaguely remember abt Cas lmao😭.

Also!!!! I am really not good at like... Articulating my thoughts when it comes 2 character analysis so sorry if this sounds really fucky / ooc / Just Bad LMAO

But umm, i may be a bit biased bcuz cas is one of my top 3 faves (besides belph & jack), but I do genuinely think, at least after meeting jack, he would be more lenient. If its the later seasons before Kline..? um, im not sure but probably not.

The winchesters aren't the friendliest to kids, especially not when they're monsters, but over the series (ignoring a few certain instances) they have been willing to spare kids/teens that were half-monster for a number of reasons. most of those reasons are, admittedly, because they have a way of turning them back (e.g. Vampires. Literally just vampires that haven't drinken blood yet lawl. sometimes other things i guess But Not Really), and also y'know, Garth; and since Cas has picked up most of his hunting knowledge from them, i imagine in certain situations, he would copy that behavior and let them go :c But also can we talk about garth can we talk about cas and garth meeting Can we do that

I would love to talk more abt the leviathan concept too though, i love making spn species less boring and more awesome sauce 🔥🔥🔥

[sheriffofmagic]

Could you give reasons why you watch the Magnus Arhcives? I really want to get in it but i dont know what im looking at and this seems like a good chance for you to go off

you're giving me too much power here but i absolutely will Go Off about this

so (some) reasons why i love the magnus archives

it's super well written. the individual statements all have such unique tones and characters. they're really enthralling and immersive and creepy. there's such a clear difference between the dialogue writing and the statements and it just adds a whole other level. and then the writing from a meta standpoint is also really well executed. hints and details are everywhere and nearly everything has meaning. things just come together in a very satisfying way that i really enjoy in a story.

it's a story with a plan. that's always something i value. a story that has a set ending that it's aiming for, one that may change as the story evolves but knows where it's headed. when i found out early on that they had a 5 season plan from the very beginning i was delighted because that's the kind of story i like.

honestly i really like the pacing. a lot of people think it's slow and that's fair but i really like that we get immersed in the world first before the meta-plot actually takes off. we get to know the characters and the conflict at a natural pace so you always feel like you understand why a character is doing what they're doing even if it's dumb. plus it makes the payoffs that much better because you've agonized over it.

this show is the first podcast that's made me think about sound design outside of just music and it's genuinely incredible. they do fantastic work.

i could do a whole post just about the characters but seriously the characters in tma are amazing. they're all super complex, not just the main cast but even the one-off characters for the statements. jonny may not be good at coming up with names but he's masterful at constructing whole personalities. and not just the characters being interesting or likeable but the way they evolve over the course of the show is so fun to hear (even when it hurts). it all feels natural. (im trying to be vague because i could legitimately make a whole separate post just about this topic)

to branch off of that.... i really love the female characters in this show. they're all incredibly distinct and complicated people and that's something a value a lot in any character but especially in female characters. again i could do a whole post about them.

the horror? i don't usually consider myself a big horror fan. mostly because i don't like jump scare-filled slasher movies/games. but i really love the horror in this. it's engaging and scary without relying on just being gross or taboo. (though there is gross stuff don't get me wrong, it's just not gross for the sake of being gross)

the comedy is great. this show can get dark. like really dark sometimes. so the moments of genuine positive emotions and especially humor hit really well especially if you read the transcripts along with it because some of the stage directions in there are hilarious.

there's rep! i'm not gonna spoil anything here but if you've seen my tma posts you might have a clue. there's both main, recurring, and one-off characters that are lgbt. (though i will say if you're looking for trans or nonbinary rep this show has uhhh basically none which is :/)

the voice acting is *chefs kiss*. some people have a hard time with jon's Bitch Voice in the first season when he reads statements and like... i can see why people would feel that BUT one of the personal highlights of listening for me is hearing how his tone changes over the course of the show (especially in how he interacts with other people 👀). and not just jon everyone in the cast is stellar. if you don't fall in love with martin the first time you hear his voice i don't know what to tell you

there's so much more i could say but i've gone on for way too long already. obviously, this show isn't perfect and not everyone will love it as much as i do. but it's really, really good and i highly suggest that anyone with an interest at least give it a shot. thank you for your time lmao

[crimson-mayhem-archive]

(( “if y’all want, feel free to hop in my inbox with a muse and i’ll write a lil drabble.” If you’re still doing these, I’d love to see one with Ruki 🏃‍♀️ maybe they could be discussing a topic relating to a book they’ve read? HFDJKDK SORRY I know that’s pretty vague. ))

「 if y’all want, feel free to hop in my inbox with a muse and i’ll write a lil drabble. 」

🥀 the way i read through a good CHUNK of your posts bc i was like “how in the hell do i write this man.” 🥀

Well articulated words were spoken quietly, and in a way that flowed through the human’s ears comfortably, as his head rested upon his arms on the library table. Glasses were strewn off to the side, school blazer draped over his shoulders, as he listened to the Vampire’s reading. The subject changing from reading direct lines from ‘The Master and Margarita’.

❝ Have you noticed a particular pattern as you’ve progressed through this novel? It throws out the traditional views of ‘good’ and ‘evil’, and even the common thought that the Devil himself is the embodiment of it—❞

Virek’s eyes trailed from the book to Ruki’s own gaze, though he could easily be mistaken for snoozing whilst Ruki went on with how his eyes drooped. The human found himself quite fond of the way the Vampire projected his voice. Elegant, articulated, yet not hard to follow. It reminded him of the way the aristocratic class would speak— At least in some books he had read as a child. But it lacked the usual oppressive, or condescending nature that was laced within the others.

(❛ I don’t really have anything to compare it to… But at least his voice is nice to listen to when he’s passionate about something. ❜)

❝ Oi. Are my words even making it to that little brain of yours, or do you believe I’m speaking for my own betterment of health? ❞

Tilting his head so his cheek was rested on his arms more than before, scarlet eyes met steel, as Virek’s response came rather quickly.

❝ You could have been. I heard it’s quite good for your memory if you read aloud and vocalise your thoughts. Who am I to interrupt you at that point?❞

To say that the Vampire was irked wouldn’t have been incorrect, though he wasn’t angry either. Slight annoyance was perfectly hidden behind a wall of apathy, though he was also… Amused? Virek certainly was a human, who had a lot more to him than met the eye— Especially in the academic fields. Someone so versed in literature having such mediocre performance and outward expression simply didn’t sit right with him, though it was always a treat to find another as equally as passionate about literature as he was. Though obviously less experienced.

❝ While I do appreciate the care you put in to not interrupt my thoughts, I have to say it would be a lot more enjoyable for us both if both parties were engaging. ❞

A soft silence filled the room after Ruki’s words, likely as Virek was thinking up his own thoughts to share. Even going as far as to let his eyes fall completely shut in an attempt to organise his thoughts in a way that would make sense.

❝ I guess I’d have to agree with you on one thing: Bulgakov did provide a new perspective on ‘good’ and ‘evil’s dichotomy. But I wouldn’t say he completely got rid of the idea of the Devil being the embodiment of the latter. ❞

If Ruki’s attention wasn’t caught before, it was caught now. Wondering in what direction the human planned on taking his speech.

❝ Woland takes delight and enjoyment in causing problems in Moscow, that much is obvious. And Bulgakov even go as far as to make it known that Woland is Satan— Leaving it up to the reader’s to balance this depiction with traditional views.❞

❝ The targets in this novel are specific, and hand picked. All of them who were, or prone to be, inherently ‘evil’ or ‘sinful.’ Those who were materialistic, and greedy. Artistically making a show out of his victims death, and plunging Moscow further and further into chaos.❞

For Virek to express such well articulated thoughts, whilst seemingly being indifferent to his and Ruki’s entire ‘hang out’ session, may be surprising to those who aren’t familiar with him. But for the Vampire, he never thought he would ever here the human speak the much at one time. Let alone with such refined vocabulary.

(❛ So behind the choppy, apathetic responses of his normal demeanour, he was hiding such in depth analyses and well formed sentences? But why limit yourself in such a way..?❜)

❝ I believe that Woland’s character did a great job in opening up a new perspective to morality and philosophical concepts. New perspectives on the ambiguity of good and evil, as well as the revelation that evil is something that has been, and always well be around for the rest of eternity. In fact, he even proves that evil is necessary— A necessary rival to good. And one cannot exist without the other. Everyone’s committed evil, even vile deeds in their lifetime; just as much as they’ve exercised good deeds. The scales may be tipped in one way or another, but given how flexible and ambiguous morality is, it is truly impossible for a person to be entirely good or evil. And sometimes, one may be more necessary or useful than the other. ❞

❝ After all, without evil then being good is meaningless. To deny it would be to deny life’s complexity, and this denying life itself…❞

Well then… Such an in-depth explanation from someone like Virek is something Ruki had be curious about hearing, yet not something he would have truly expected from him. A man who didn’t seem to care enough about any one topic to speak on it for such a long period of time, without his usual buzzwords and pauses to fill the empty space.

❝ Colour me impressed. I never would have guessed you analyse books with such depth, nor speak for more than a few seconds at a time. If you had such an arsenal at your disposal, then why present yourself in the way you’ve chosen?❞

❝ Gah… My throat always hurts when I’m around dust… Cough—❞

(❛ He’s back to normal then, I’m guessing. Now I’m inclined to think that explanation was just a fluke that he’d already heard before… ❜)

Little did Ruki know, or perhaps something he already had a hunch about, Virek had read this novel at least twice or three times. After all for the past twelve years, there was nothing else to do but read and study— Even access to the outside world was nonexistent, so all Virek had were books. For years he spent his time analysing different texts, both fiction and nonfiction, historical documents, sketching the different descriptions he found in books, and pushing both his mind and imagination to the fullest. So it wasn’t unexpected for him to have such eloquent speech on something so complex— Not like Ruki would ever find that out.

The Vampire, on the other hand, was plotting different scenarios in which to trick Virek into vocalising more of his thoughts. Silently wishing to pick apart whatever complex barriers lined that mind of his.

❝ Hm.. I suppose we should have these kinds of meetings more often, if it will get you to say more than ten words to me. ❞

❝ I have no clue what you mean. I didn’t talk for that long… And I’m not even good at talking…❞

(❛ I find that odd coming from someone with scholar level diction and speech, but some things are best saved for another day… ❜)

🥀 HELLO I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY!!!! AND I FIND RUKI’S LITTLE “this is the most words i’ve heard you say ever” MOMENT SUPER CUTE. SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY.

and Virek’s usual ‘answer the question with a completely unrelated statement’ quirk just had to make an appearance 😎

also did not actually go through and read this book bc that is a lot— but i did read a bunch of different analyses on it to sorta grasp the concept 😞🤚. 🥀

[pumpkinpaix]

Hello! Feel free not to answer this question if it is in any way too much, but I've been wondering about something concerning the "western" mdzs fandom. Lately, i have seen multiple pieces of fanart that use what is clearly Christian symbolism and sometimes downright iconography in depicting the characters. I'm a european fan, but it still makes me vaguely uneasy. I know that these things are rarely easy to judge. I'm definitely not qualified to do so and was wondering if you have an opinion

Hi there! thank you for your patience and for the interesting question! I’ve been thinking about this since i received this ask because it?? idk, it’s difficult to answer, but it also touches on a a few things that I find really interesting.

the short answer: it’s complicated, and I also don’t know what I feel!

the longer answer:

i think that this question is particularly difficult to answer because of how deeply christianity is tied to the western art and literary canon. so much of what is considered great european art is christian art! If you just take a quick glance at wiki’s page on european art, you can see how inextricable christianity is, and how integral christian iconography has been in the history of european art. If you study western art history, you must study christian imagery and christian canon because it’s just impossible to engage with a lot of the work in a meaningful way without it. that’s just the reality of it.

Christianity, of course, also has a strong presence in european colonial and imperialist history and has been used as a tool of oppression against many peoples and nations, including China. I would be lying if I said I had a good relationship with Christianity--I have always faced it with a deep suspicion because I think it did some very, very real damage, not just to chinese people, but to many cultures and peoples around the world, and that’s not a trauma that can be easily brushed aside or reconciled with.

here is what is also true: my maternal grandmother was devoutly christian. my aunt is devoutly christian. my uncle’s family is devoutly christian. my favorite cousin is devoutly christian. when I attended my cousin’s wedding, he had both a traditional chinese ceremony (tea-serving, bride-fetching, ABSURDLY long reception), and also a christian ceremony in a church. christianity is a really important part of his life, just as it’s important to my uncle’s family, and as it was important to my grandmother. I don’t think it’s my right or place to label them as simply victims of a colonialist past--they’re real people with real agency and choice and beliefs. I think it would be disrespectful to act otherwise.

that doesn’t negate the harm that christianity has done--but it does complicate things. is it inherently a bad thing that they’re christian, due to the political history of the religion and their heritage? that’s... not a question I’m really interested in debating. the fact remains that they are christian, that they are chinese, and that they chose their religion.

so! now here we are with mdzs, a chinese piece of media that is clearly Not christian, but is quickly gaining popularity in euroamerican spaces. people are making fanart! people are making A LOT of fanart! and art is, by nature, intertextual. a lot of the most interesting art (imo) makes deliberate use of that! for example (cyan art nerdery time let’s go), Nikolai Ge’s What is Truth?

I love this painting! it’s notable for its unusual depiction of christ: shabby, unkempt, slouched, in shadow. if you look for other paintings of this scene, christ is usually dignified, elegant, beautiful, melancholy -- there’s something very humanizing and humbling about this depiction, specifically because of the way it contrasts the standard. it’s powerful because we as the audience are expected to be familiar with the iconography of this scene, the story behind it, and its place in the christian canon.

you can make similar comments about Gentileschi’s Judith vs Caravaggio’s, or Manet’s Olympia vs Ingres’ Grande Odalisque -- all of these paintings exist in relation to one another and also to the larger canon (i’m simplifying: you can’t just compare one to another directly in isolation etc etc.) Gauguin’s Jacob Wrestling the Angel is also especially interesting because of how its portrayal of its content contrasts to its predecessors!

or! because i’m really In It now, one of my favorite paintings in the world, Joan of Arc by Bastien-Lepage:

I just!!! gosh, idk, what’s most interesting to me in this painting is the way it seems to hover between movements: the hyperrealistic, neoclassical-esque take on the figure, but the impressionistic brushstrokes of the background AAA gosh i love it so much. it’s really beautiful if you ever get a chance to see it in person at the Met. i’m putting this here both because i personally just really like it and also as an example of how intertextuality isn’t just about content, but also about visual elements.

anyways, sorry most of this is 19thc, that was what i studied the most lol.

(a final note: if you want to read about a really interesting painting that sits in the midst of just a Lot of different works, check out the wiki page on Géricault’s Raft of the Medusa, specifically under “Interpretation and Legacy”)

this is all a really long-winded way of getting to this point: if you want to make allusory fanart of mdzs with regards to western art canon, you kind of have to go out of your way to avoid christian imagery/iconography, especially when that’s the lens through which a lot of really intensely emotional art was created. many of my favorite paintings are christian: Vrubel’s Demon, Seated, Perov’s Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, Ge’s Conscience, Judas, Bastien-Lepage’s Joan of Arc, as shown above. that’s not to say there ISN’T plenty of non-christian art -- but christian art is very prominent and impossible to ignore.

so here are a few pieces of fanwork that I’ve seen that are very clearly making allusions to christian imagery:

1. this beautiful pietà nielan by tinynarwhals on twitter

2. a lovely jiang yanli as our lady of tears by @satuwilhelmiina

3. my second gif in this set here, which I will also show below:

i’m only going to talk about mine in depth because well, i know exactly what i was thinking when I put this gif together while I can’t speak for anyone else.

first: the two lines of the song that I wanted to use for lan xichen were “baby, I’m a fighter//in the robes of a saint” because i felt that they fit him very well. of course, just the word “saint” evokes catholicism, even if it’s become so entwined in the english language that it’s taken on a secular meaning as well.

second: when I saw this scene, my immediate thought was just “PIETÀ!!” because LOOK at that composition! lan xichen’s lap! nie mingjue lying perpendicular to it! the light blue/white/silver of lan xichen in contrast to the darker robes of both nie mingjue and meng yao! not just that, but the very cool triangular structure of the image is intensely striking, and Yes, i Do love that it simultaneously ALSO evokes deposition of christ vibes. (baxia as the cross.... god..... is that not the Tightest Shit) does this make meng yao joseph of arimathea? does it make him john the evangelist? both options are equally interesting, I think when viewed in relation to his roles in the story: as a spy in qishan and as nmj’s deputy. maybe he’s both.

anyways, did I do this intentionally? yes, though a lot of it is happy accident/discovered after the fact since I’m relying on CQL to have provided the image. i wanted to draw attention to all of that by superimposing that line over that image! (to be clear: I didn’t expect it to all come through because like. that’s ridiculous. the layers you’d have to go through to get from “pretty lxc gifset” --> “if we cast nie mingjue as a christ figure, what is the interesting commentary we could do on meng yao by casting him as either joseph of arimathea or john the evangelist” are like. ok ur gonna need to work a little harder than slapping a song lyric over an image to achieve an effect like that.)

the point of this is: yes, it’s intentionally christian, yes I did this, yes I am casting these very much non-christian characters into christian roles for this specific visual work -- is this okay?

I obviously thought it was because I made it. but would I feel the same about a work that was written doing something similar? probably not. I think that would make me quite uncomfortable in most situations. but there’s something about visual art that makes it slightly different that I have trouble articulating -- something about how the visual often seeks to illustrate parallels or ideas, whereas writing characters as a different religion can fundamentally change who those characters are, the world they inhabit, etc. in a more... invasive?? way. that’s still not quite right, but I genuinely am not sure how to explain what i mean! I hope the general idea comes across. ><

something else to think about is like, what are pieces I find acceptable and why?

what makes the pieces above that reference christian imagery different than this stunning nieyao piece by @cyandemise after klimt’s kiss? (warnings for like, dead bodies and vague body horror) like i ADORE this piece (PLEASE click for fullview it’s worth it for the quality). it’s incredibly beautiful and evocative and very obviously references a piece of european art. I have no problem with it. why? because it isn’t explicitly christian? it’s still deeply entrenched in western canon. klimt certainly made other pieces that were explicit christian references.

another piece I’d like to invite you all to consider is this incredible naruto fanart of sakura and ino beheading sasuke after caravaggio’s judith. (warnings for beheading, blood, etc. you know.) i also adore this piece! i think it’s very good both technically and conceptually. the reference that it makes has a real power when viewed in relation to the roles of the characters in their original story -- seeing the women that sasuke fucked over and treated so disrespectfully collaborating in his demise Says Something. this is also!! an explicitly christian reference made with non-christian japanese characters. is this okay? does it evoke the same discomfort as seeing mdzs characters being drawn with christian iconography? why or why not?

the point is, I don’t think there’s a neat answer, but I do think there are a lot of interesting issues surrounding cultural erasure/hegemony that are raised by this question. i don’t think there are easy resolutions to any of them either, but I think that it’s a good opportunity to reexamine our own discomfort and try and see where it comes from. all emotions are valid but not all are justified etc. so I try to ask, is it fair? do i apply my criticisms and standards equally? why or why not? does it do real harm, or do i just not like it? what makes one work okay and another not?

i’ve felt that there’s a real danger with the kind of like, deep moral scrutiny of recent years in quashing interesting work in the name of fear. this morality tends to be expressed in black and white, good and bad dichotomies that i really do think stymies meaningful conversation and progress. you’ll often see angry takes that boil down to things like, “POC good, queer people good, white people bad, christianity bad” etc. without a serious critical examination of the actual issues at hand. I feel that these are extraordinarily harmful simplifications that can lead to an increased insularity that isn’t necessarily good for anyone. there’s a fine line between asking people to stay in their lane and cultural gatekeeping sometimes, and I think that it’s something we should be mindful of when we’re engaging in conversations about cultural erasure, appropriation etc.

PERHAPS IT IS OBVIOUS that I have no idea where that line falls LMAO since after all that rambling I have given you basically nothing. but! I hope that you found it interesting at least, and that it gives you a bit more material to think on while you figure out where you stand ahaha.

was this just an excuse to show off cool (fan)art i like? maybe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(ko-fi)

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

inarticulate thoughts on archon quest pt iii

Major spoilers for archon quest pt iii ahead.

Okay. Okay. Holy shit. I'm still reeling. I really don't know how Genshin's writing and lore just continues to get better. I was honestly thinking that at some point, the writing quality would drop off--and I didn't think the writing was all that stellar to start with. But the writing for Inazuma is absolutely fucking immaculate.

Just to get this out of the way, I have a singular issue with Genshin's writing that is unavoidable: that it can get kind of trite sometimes. But I don't begrudge the game its cliches about friendship and loyalty and hope in the face of insurmountable odds because, even if the writing can get almost childish, it's spectacular for the vast majority of the game. And I don't mind that the game is inherently hopeful. The world is awful enough without needing to play games about just how awful other worlds are.

This is going to be disorganized. So I'm going to start with what made me go oh, clever, and that's the Raiden boss fight at the end.

Demanding a Rematch with Ei

I had an essay about how well Inazuma does game design and a section was on the boss fight in pt ii specifically, but I never got around to posting it. Here's what I wrote:

I want to talk specifically about the Baal boss fight in Archon Quest Part II Electric Boogaloo. If you haven't played it yet, it's a two-part boss fight. Until you've smacked Baal down to 75% HP, it's basically a normal domain battle--a 1v1 match between your team and Baal. But then at 75% HP, Baal decides you know what, no, you don't get to use your Vision, and every member of your team who isn't Traveler gets their E and Q locked for 1 minute.

Your job for that 1 minute?

Survive.

And Baal does not make it easy for you.

But if you make it for that 1 minute, does that mean you get your E and Q back? No, a cutscene plays instead where Baal uses the divine judgement smite and smacks Traveler in the face with it. Yes, you survive. Yes, you and Thoma get to run away to see another day. But there is no way for you to win that boss fight.

The Baal boss fight is the first time Mihoyo has used a "you can't win this fight" mechanic where you will lose and it does not matter what you do.

And it fits pretty damn well with the narrative and thematic components of Inazuma as a whole. You aren't a fairy tale hero who defeats all the bad guys. Hell, you aren't even a leader mounting a glorious resistance. You are not that guy, at least not for patch 2.0. You're just a scrappy traveler from out of town, out of their depth and needing to rely on people they can barely trust in order to survive.

This country is fucking hostile, and the Baal boss fight is one of the best ways that Genshin hammers that into players.

I stand by this. What makes the Baal boss fight even better in pt iii is that it mirrors that first and utterly disempowering fight. You cannot win that fight by yourself, and that remains consistent. She's simply too good at her job. What wins you the fight in part ii, however, is the fact that you are not by yourself.

And I'm not talking about Yae. You're backed by the hopes and dreams and ambitions of the people of Inazuma, crying out to their ruler in the hopes that she will hear them. It fits Inazuma's general theme--you're not the hero, Traveler. You're the messenger. Hell, you're the vessel. And I thought that was particularly powerful.

It's just good writing, that you still do not win that fight on your own.

The Kazuha Scene

I don't know how to convey the amount of sheer shock I had during The Kazuha Scene. Genshin does not pull its punches and this scene is no exception. Kazuha dual-wielding Visions to Electro swirl and clash blades with the Raiden Fucking Shogun was the single most badass thing I've ever seen in this game.

It's also left vague if Kazuha himself, bearing his friend's ambition, was the one who reactivated it--or if, reaching beyond the veil, it was his friend himself. But in that moment, Kazuha reawakened a dead Kami no Me and that, that says a lot. Visions are tied intrinsically to the person they belong to, and despite being from the gods, they're also somehow the most inherently human thing. Kazuha, carrying his friend's will, woke one back up. I can't articulate this in essay form--might have to save it for a fic--but this has me in my feelings in a way I simply am unable to describe.

As an addendum because this doesn't quite go anywhere else, I really do enjoy the way Sara was written and the way you can see the bodies of the guards she leaves in her wake--not dead, but clearly flattened. Very badass.

Yae Dropping Bombshells

Yae. Yae Miko. Yae Miko really went "Oh, Scaramouche is a protoype puppet built by Ei ages ago. The Fatui fiddled with him a bit, though," with a completely straight face.

Yae Miko please.

Listen, I don't think anyone expected that to be Scaramouche's backstory at all.

And Yae's explanation of the story of Ei and Makoto makes Baal's 2D cutscene make vastly more sense. I was like ?? Why is she holding herself?? Is this a metaphor?? The answer is yes, it's a metaphor, it's also just Ei holding her sister, and it's a dramatic parallel to Traveler, who also lost their sibling somewhat during the cataclysm.

Will forever also be in my feelings about Makoto being the gentler of the two, thanks.

MMMM SUMERU LOREEEE ABOUT THE ARCHON TOO AHHHH AND KNOWLEDGE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SUMERU WHEN??

Speaking of "[insert teased thing here] when?"...

Signora

Alright, Signora's death, in and of itself, didn't make me feel all that bad.

That's a lie, sorry. It did make me feel pretty bad. Just the card Signora...is slain got me. Because Signora is the first casualty, and Signora's death is an escalation, and Signora...god, Signora is dead and Traveler killed her. Sure, it was Baal who made the finishing blow, but the moral consequences of that action lie on the Traveler's shoulders.

What does this mean for the future? Either Childe will kill us or send us a thank you card, I suppose. And it also means that Genshin's storyline may take a turn for the darker. Traveler killed someone. Traveler challenged Signora for a duel before the throne knowing damn well what that meant. The part afterward, as you walk out of the throne room, tells you everything you need to know about how Genshin is going to treat death.

It's fucking horrifying.

Traveler is getting unexplained headaches. They don't speak. The word is fuzzy, glitching out in reds and blues. They walk slowly, like they're in shock, like they can't walk any faster. Paimon begs you to say something because Traveler, you've gone quiet.

And sure, chalk this up to the fact that Baal was piggybacking off of Traveler to try and smite them as they left, but you don't know that as you walk down the stairs. You can only walk, and press space bar when Traveler feels woozy, and there's this feeling of confusion and panic you have to reckon with because Genshin's not a horror game, is it? But damn if it doesn't feel like one for a brief, terrifying stretch of time.

You killed a woman. And Genshin treats that action with the weight it deserves.

At least we all know the answer to "Signora playable when?" now.

[thee-morrigan]

27 & 28 for the writer ask (and 31 if you are up for it)

[weird questions for writers]

hiii thanks for sending these (and sorry it took a mo to answer)! definitely will be doing 31 because i refuse to turn down an opportunity to fawn over anyone who's ever paid me any amount of attention (truly, people who support other people's hobbies are actual angels, i'm baking you all a cake filled with rainbows and smiles)

dropping answers below the cut!

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

this is probably a bit vague, but any time i feel like i don't have a good sense of a character's distinct voice, it's very stressful - there've been lots of times where i felt like i understood a character, like i knew what choices they'd make in a given scenario, but not how they'd get to that decision (like, only understood them in an intellectual sense?).

i can't think of any one character in particular (fandom or otherwise) who stands out as more stressful than others, though!

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

they're not fandom-related (they feature in an original project i'm writing at a glacial pace), but probably my character lola renfroe.

i love writing lola because (even though they are ultimately a good and big-hearted person), they're not especially nice. they don't care very much what most people think of them and can sometimes be a little too blunt - but as a writer, it's fun to explore characters (especially femme-presenting ones) who you know to be good but who are, frankly, just not very likable!

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

for someone who writes almost exclusively about love (romantic, platonic, self-love, loss of love, etc.), you'd think i'd have an easier time articulating the volume of love i have for anyone who's ever read my writing. i started writing (as a tiny human) because i had ideas and stories inside of me that took up so much space i felt they had to live somewhere beyond my own head, and i mostly still do. but the writing i do that ends up (in part or whole) online is writing that isn't for me; or, rather, it is, but it's for me the reader (who might also sometimes be you the reader). there's a quote from matilda about reading books to know you're not alone, and i think a lot of writing that we share serves the same purpose: you write to feel seen. you write to know you're not alone. (and, just to be clear, i don't only mean that in a serious, shared-trauma, identity-validating kind of way. i also very much mean that in the sense that sometimes you need to know you're not alone in wishing some characters would just be the sluts you *know* they can be. it's all imaginary barbie dolls, y'all - sometimes you just have to make 'em kiss.)

ANYWAY - what i really mean is: every single time i share something, part of my brain immediately cringes and tells me i'm a weirdo (brains are assholes a lot of the time). but when i see that someone's liked/reblogged/left kudos/commented on something i wrote, it feels like you're saying, "hey, i'm a weirdo, too!". if you've ever read anything i've written and enjoyed any part of it, i am so ridiculously grateful to you for validating my need to make my imaginary barbies do things (ya weirdo <3).