#sorry this essay is getting out of hand

[watanabes-cum-dump]

Ok no because hear me out-

When Emet Selch/Solus first appears near the end of Stormblood his conversations with Varis make me think a little y'know. Idk if I hallucinated this, but I think he says something along the lines of "you were always so emotional" to Varis. Or like, he insinuates that Varis has always had little control over his emotions.

(I haven't gotten to shadowbringers yet plz do not spoil too much. also apologies in advanced if I am wrong abt Solus/Emet Selch)

Solus was undoubtedly a horrible father and grandfather- and Varis is too- but Varis was sensitive as a child. Like he's genuinely just a guy- according to the wiki, like he denounced a massacre and disbanded the legion responsible. Also, his dad died and that kind of left Solus to be his paternal figure which was definitely super fucked up. Given how much Solus belittles him even in death and when he's the emperor- he was no better in life.

And idk where I saw this, but I think he actually genuinely loved his late wife? Y'know, Zenos' mom who died in childbirth or something? And listen, he's only twenty years older than Zenos- he was a young father. Can you fucking imagine that? Being raised by your asshole grand daddy, and then your loving wife fucking dies and leaves you with an entire new human being at like twenty.

My point is that Varis isn't a monster like the rest of the imperial family. No I'm not defending him, but he somehow just turned out pretty normal compared to the other two memebers of the royal family we know of. He has sympathy, he has morals, he has (or at least, used to have) a line he will not cross. Yeah he turned out a militaristic tyrant, but he was a normal fucking guy at one point and we definitely see that it peeks through a bit. Like I kinda remember he at least tries to be diplomatic when he meets with the alliance and the scions, and he still seems hurt by Solus' words. Idk man I just- he's not completely gone. He has some humanity left in him and he isn't as unapologetic as Zenos or Solus/Emet Selch.

And listen, I'm not defending his parenting style either- but I do understand why he just had no desire to be present in Zenos' life. After having Solus as his parental figure for most of his life, I think he has a fucked up idea of parenthood.

See, I think he loves Zenos somewhere deep down but yk generational trauma and maybe he's even a little envious of what Zenos is. Zenos is this paragon of mortal strength; a prodigy. Varis was no doubt great when he was younger as well, but Zenos is just so strong, unfeeling, and self assured- things Varis was expected to be when he was younger. He wasn't any of that though because we know (or I know because I hallucinated it) that he was emotional when he was younger. Also, Varis was just kinda neglectful towards Zenos, no? He never outright abused him or gave Zenos reason (for most of his life at least) to believe that Varis hated him. Idc if it's not canon, to me, I don't think he hates Zenos. Hates what Zenos had become maybe, but he seemed genuinely distraught or at least shocked when Elidibus was in Zenos' body. Like he took offense to it so you cannot tell me he doesn't at least care a bit.

Idk man. I don't even think I was able to get my point across that well?? I have lotsa thoughts bc I'm writing a little thing. Once again, not defending Varis, but he's very interesting to me in this regard because generational trauma is a song and dance any ethnic child is familiar with so I just had to share my two cents.

[junkyardspider]

no because joseph peterson was right for failing that man because wdym i asked you to write an essay on architecture and you instead wrote about how you were almost eaten by weird remnants of people before you jumped out a window and quit your job???

[averlym]

" just...come here. just sit here with me" (...that one scene from princess momonoke, click for better resolution)

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: THE CITADEL (PART 1)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Thane Krios With: Flight Lt. Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Councilor Rannadril Bibsos Tembin Lesti Bensin Valern, Cmdr. Armando-Owen Bailey, and Kai Leng Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention. Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

[potofbees]

Smiles at you, devilishly. This but with the guy who starts with a A and wakes up or whatever.

youuu..... wheng i GET you

this makes me realize i really am a sucker for characters that have lots and lots of problems. my favs always end up being freaks that i would write entire dissertations on for a psychology class and this man is no different. they could make entire psychology courses devoted to the mind of this 1 guy and the many horrible decisions he has made. i am captivated by him and he deserves so much better but he also deserves the torture labyrinth just a little bit. u know how it is. hes just some guy but also hes a metaphor for mental illness but also hes a metaphor for artists block but also hes a metaphor for addiction but also hes a metaphor for how capitalism corrupts art but also none of that matters cause hes kind of a loser. every time i think about this guy i feel compelled to write an essay. freak behavior. he is an extremely well written and fascinating character but never in a million years would i ever want to meet this guy in real life. i got my own problems to deal with hope he gets to talk to a therapist in the third game or whatever but thats not MY problem.

hope this helps :thumbs_up: (im normal)

[aaaaaaaaagenloser]

(Tw: kinda transphobia? Use of it/its for a character who hasn’t declared what their pronouns are yet. Arguments over whether a character is a person or not; that ties into the pronoun thing here. Bonus points for descriptions of canon-typical gore yipeeee)

An update from after writing this: oh this. Got. This one got away from me?? I think I started this at 4 minutes past the hour. It is now 43 minutes past the hour. shitt.

Update; it is now 17 minutes after the NEXT hour. 26 minutes after th last update. I have seen god in the past hour and she shook in fear of both my power and audacity. I have lunch with my family scheduled in like 6 hours and I have not yet slept. This wasn’t meant to be as long as it is but I was possessed and this is the result. I may edit it and make it smoother later but I’ll make that a separate post, I want this sleep-deprived chunk of words to be here as like a monument to the fact that I could have been playing stardew valley during this time but I chose to do this instead

TLDR: long ass story ahead written by a sleep-deprived and hyperfixation-driven author. Who is now going the fuck to BED

“We can’t just keep it! What if it has a tracking device? It won’t let us fucking touch it so there’s no way of knowing it has one unless it leads them right to us!”

“Ok, I hear you but think. That hasn’t happened yet. It’s been about what, three days? and that hasn’t happened, and they haven’t been violent towards any of us at all. They haven’t tried to go back either, so there’s no risk of them telling or leading Showfall where we are.”

“Why do you keep calling it ‘they’?”

“Well they can’t be an “it” now can it? …wait.”

“Ok can we figure out the gender of the thing in the other room after we figure out if it’s a threat to us or not. It’s not even a fucking person, you remember what those things did to you back there, don’t you?”

“Those people were not themselves, they were just doing what he wanted them to do—“

“They’re not fucking people! Those things are all part of Showfall, just like Hetch was! It’s just waiting for the right time to turn us in, or pull some shit on one of us like they did before.”

“They weren’t… they weren’t in control.”

“Yeah like fuck they weren’t, I saw it fucking happen!”

“You can’t just… Ok. Sneeg. Stop. You don’t speak for me, the one who, oh I don’t know, was the one that shit happened to? They were being controlled just like us—“

“No, no, not like us. We were wandering around and not knowing what the fuck was happening. None of us knew what was happening. We just went along blindly. Those things—on purpose—dragged you to that stupid wall and sewed wires into your hands—“

“Shut up, Sneeg—“

“No you shut up! You didn’t see it fucking happen! I saw them and Bitchface literally hold you down until you passed out! They were fucking choking you, they fucking—they nearly fucking killed you with just their hands, that’s not a little suggestion in the back of your brain, that’s on purpose! That is fucking deliberate, that is a thing those machines chose to do! You don’t remember, you weren’t conscious when they fucking stapled you to the wall and strapped your head in—“

Sneeg glanced at Ranboo for a moment in-between pacing as he ranted, and the far away look in their sibling’s eyes shut them up immediately. Ranboo was still present, thank fuck, but they were looking at their brother like he was holding up a knife to their throat.

“Fuck, Ran, okay, okay—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… shit. Do you need Charlie?”

“You don’t know when to shut the fuck up.”

“…okay. Okay. I’m sorry. Do you need me to get Charlie?”

“No, I’m fucking fine.” It did not sound like he meant that at all. His voice was less steady than before. “I don’t want him to worry about our… hitchhiker. He’s worrying enough about… well, everything.”

“The fact that it’s here, so close to us is the reason I’m trying to get you to see, Ran. What if it turns on him? What if it does that shit to him when we aren’t there?”

“We will be there.”

“And when it tries anything, we can kill it?”

“Sneeg!”

“You wouldn’t kill it, even if it hurt our fucking brother?”

“Of course we wouldn’t keep them around if they did that, could we at least just… just leave it behind? …wait, no, they couldn’t take care of themselves. If we had to leave it behind, maybe we should…”

Silence lingered for a bit too long.

“We should what, Ran?”

“…Sneeg, I was about to say that killing it would be a mercy.” The Hero laughed. “Doesn’t that sound familiar?”

The Taken didn’t reply.

“We have to help them. I don’t… I don’t want to be on the other end of a mercy killing. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.”

“Okay. I’m—are you okay?”

“…m fine. It’s fine. Just. Can you stop acting like they’re any different from us? Please.”

“What do you want me to think then?” His voice was softer than it had been a few minutes before.

“Just assume that they… that they were someone. Just like we were before. And they didn’t… they didn’t do anything on their own, it was all Showfall.”

“Okay. Fine. Let’s assume they were controlled, they didn’t mean to, so on and so forth. Why haven’t they talked yet.”

“I don’t think any of the drones even could talk. Wait, should we really be calling them a drone—“

“Shut the fuck up, Ranboo, we have got to figure out what to do with it. It probably doesn’t even know what is happening, what the fuck does it matter what we call it.”

“It matters to me! Do you want me to call you by your title? Do you want to call me by mine? …No? Then why are we treating them like all they are is what Showfall made them? We had lives before, we were someone, so they must have been too. They might not realize it, or… or act like it, but they used to be someone. They are a whole person, Sneeg. We have to help them, we can’t just leave them behind because that would mean we are giving up on someone just like us, and we cannot give up on each other. They… they would have hurt us by now if they were going to. And Showfall hasn’t found us since… you know, which means there aren’t any more trackers.

…okay, Sneeg?”

“…okay. If it,” he sighed at the look Ran gave them, “if they try anything, we have to leave them behind. I’m not letting a dumbass puppet be the reason we get taken back.”

“If they—ok, whatever, you’re not understanding. You can’t say one of us somehow wanted to be controlled, and they’re a ‘puppet’ but those rules don’t apply to the rest of us—“

“There is not an ‘us,’ Ran! That thing isn’t like us!”

“Guys?”

A sleepy voice shut the two of them up instantly. They had a split-second conversation with their eyes before looking to their brother. ‘We aren’t done talking about this’ ‘You’e absolutely right, so later?’ ‘Later.’ ‘We’re telling Charlie nothing happened?’ ‘Of course.’ ‘Ok good plan.’

“Why are you two fighting? I’m tired, can we please go back to sleep?”

“We weren’t fighting, we were…”

“…talking about plans for tomorrow. And you can go back to sleep.”

“I don’t want to be by myself.” Charlie looked at Sneeg pointedly, who sighed to Ranboo with a playfully annoyed expression.

“Well I guess I gotta go be a teddy bear again.”

“Have fun”

“Absolutely not.”

Charlie punched Sneeg in the shoulder lightly for that, who just giggled in response and led his little brother back to their room.

Which left Ran by themselves.

Some nights, he would join them, but some nights Charlie couldn’t stand to be anywhere near Ran, and the three of them had made a silent mutual agreement that Charlie trusted Sneeg more than he did Ranboo.

…Ranboo was okay with this. He wasn’t hurt by it. He didn’t cry on the nights he slept by himself.

He didn’t wish he could be the one Sneeg comforted sometimes. They were just fine.

They were fine, which is why they went to the living room where their… well. Their hitchhiker? They weren’t exactly a brother, or a sibling, more like a fourth wheel on a tricycle. Or a flyaway hair. Okay, maybe Ranboo needed to get tbr fuck to sleep, alone or not.

But he found himself in the living room, where their hitchhiker slept. Or, didn’t sleep, as they seemed to not need to. They would sit on the couch and stare idly at the tv. That was what had started the whole conversation with Sneeg in the first place; Ran wanted to leave some kind of entertainment for the fourth person so they wouldn’t be made to sit in the dark for hours. Sneeg took this remark as a perfect opportunity to explain all the reasons why the former drone should be abandoned, but Ranboo would have fucking none of it. Maybe the couch potato (shit, he really needed to come up with a name for them—) didn’t seem to sleep, barely ate, and stayed still unless actually verbally told to move, but they were still a person. Ranboo was sure of it.

Their hand wandered up to the fresh scabs where their mask had been. The fourth person had a mask, one that hadn’t been touched. Despite usually staying still, the person—(Ranboo thinks they might just call this person Couch for now. Maybe it’s not accurate, and they’re tired, but it’s something. C, for short.)

C would back away any time the others would try to get near them. And they did in fact try, but despite how creative or sneaky they got, C always ducked away. It reminded Ranboo of the drone who had followed them with a camera, always one step away and never letting the Hero get too close.

The mask turned to Ranboo, who stared back quietly. C hadn’t talked at all, so Ranboo didn’t expect them to suddenly start now. He wasn’t even sure if they understood what was said to them, but Ranboo wanted to try anyways. Better to be polite.

“Do you like the show that’s on? I think it’s called Lucy, or something. I don’t know, Sneeg said it was funny. And it didn’t seem, uh- scary or anything.”

The mask didn’t speak.

“If you want to change it, the remote’s right there, um, I showed you how to use it before. And there’s like, instructions drawn on there. You can thank Charlie for that one.”

…

“I think I’m going to head to bed.”

…

“Fuck it, can I stay here?”

The mask still didn’t speak, but the head hidden behind it tilted a bit at the sudden change in tone. Ranboo took this as an absolute win.

“So I just. I don’t want to be by myself. And I don’t think you sleep, I mean if you just sleep when everyone else is asleep that’s cool, but also if so how do you even? function? on that much sleep? It really isn’t that much but to be fair you don’t do much so maybe you don’t need it. …do you sleep sitting up? And just somehow wake up when we get close? I know, um. Sorry about that, again, we were just worried your mask had a tracker like mine used to.”

Ran laughed nervously. “I think I did convince them that it doesn’t, so that should stop now. If um. If we make you uncomfortable you still don’t have to be touched, it’s, it’s fine.”

Other than the head tilt before, there wasn’t a reply.

“Okay, since. You can’t talk, I’m just gonna… I’ll sit down beside you. On the couch. And if you don’t want me to be that close you can uh- you can leave. Or like, get up, and then I’ll leave. This is the only room with a tv, so I’ll let you stay here, but I can’t tell if you want me to be here or not, so. Okay, sorry, I’m rambling. Just… move if you want me to leave, okay?”

Ranboo waited for a response that didn’t come, then sighed. “Okay.” He kept his hands up and open while sitting down, waiting for a few moments before tucking his feet under himself to get more comfortable. “I’m just gonna stay here, okay? Like I said, just move if you want me to leave.”

The mask had tracked them to where they sat now, but the person—C—didn’t make a move to leave. Ranboo turned their attention to the tv, keeping an eye on their couch partner in their peripheral vision. During a moment of audience laughter in the show—I Love Lucy, they remembered—C turned their head back to the television as they had been before Ranboo walked in.

Seeing as how C (they needed a better name than that—) didn’t speak, this was the closest Ranboo could get to being told “you can stay here.” So they did. A few episodes later, his head was on the arm of the couch and his eyes were closed.

Five turned its attention to the Hero, who was now asleep. He had said it was a person, which was almost hilarious. And the Taken and the Hero seemed to think it couldn’t talk? They had to know it needed to be given permission first: any handler of a Drone or Prop knew that basic rule. It would wait until permission was given: it knew how to obey. It wasn’t meant to speak to a superior unless it was told it was allowed. It would wait.

…in the meantime, it studied its handler, the Hero. The other Actors, their two other handlers, called him ‘Ranboo’ but Five knew that wasn’t his actual label. The Hero was his character in the last show, and so that is who he was. Five didn’t know if Actors had a number, but he had been called the Hero in the script, and so the Hero he will be until the script changes.

It hoped to get new instructions, a new script for itself, something, soon. It was tired of simply watching the Actors go about their incredibly off-script show. It was sometimes told to participate, and since no other superiors were nearby, it had to obey its current handlers. But it was told to participate, to stir eggs, to help clean the kitchen, to attack small webs in corners with a stick with soft spikes on the end. Those sorts of things weren’t it’s usual directive, and so it found itself…

It didn’t resent its handlers. They were doing their best, and they at least knew that they were meant to give it orders. It simply wished they were familiar orders. It wished the Hero had told it to play dead, or play chase, or play camera, or caught, or prop. It would even listen if it was told to power down until needed. At least then it wouldn’t have to be conscious in this boring and unfamiliar set.

.

Y EA I know they probably don’t like tvs. Shhhhhh. I didn’t think about that until like. I had already written the tv part. At this moment it is 55 minutes past th hour and I want these characters to go the fuck to sleep so I can go thr fuck to sleep /lh

And yeah Five only uses “he” for glran. That is intentional. It’ll be talked about and shit later. Something about being put into a role, something about showfall being transphobic, something something I want to go to bed

Powering down = “sleeping” for a drone. Different but similar. I’ll explain how it works later?, anyway The others hav e told Five to “sleep” but it doesn’t understand because it is only ever told to “power down” so it’s like error.sleep_not_found and it stares at them like “bitch you said the wrong. Thing. You’re supposed to know how to control me so you don’t want me to power down I fucking guess” and it’s gonna be really funny after that miscommunication is taken care of.

If you remember the Five Gets A Cold And Wants To Throw Hands With Everyone post, this is wayyy before that. These motherfuckers are fresh out of showfall. Don’t ask how they got a house. I’ll figure it out

I am! Tired! I’m not proofreading this!! Goodnight please give me your thoughts if you have them. I need to know I didn’t sacrifice tbis much sleep in vain /nf /lh (I appreciate words but you are Not required to give them. Love you have a good nigt/p)

[piromantic]

i know i say 'i wanna make a video essay about xyz' like once every three months and i've never followed through but hoooly shit i want to make a video essay on queerbaiting in gacha games

[bonestrouslingbones]

btw big shoutout to that woodworking class i took in my final semester of high school for allowing me to 1. not constantly sound like i'm talking entirely out of my ass and 2. hide some very niche secrets because of the like 2 full months of paperwork & osha training before i got to actually build anything

[bleue-flora]

Read your discussion with elmhat and I have to add that c!Quackity was basically canonically abused by c!Schlatt. Like, on-screen. He gets threatened, insulted, sexually harassed, and even physically beaten into obedience at least once. It's a huge thing and it's taken as seriously as anything involving Schlatt can be.

It's not an excuse for Q later being abusive himself, but Schlatt mistreating him is a HUGE part of his motivations later, so I needed to correct/add that

I mean… ok that’s fair. I apologize. And I mean that. :) Let’s make sure the facts are straight for sure. So yeah you’re right that did happen but just not to the like extremes that some people portray I guess is what I was more referring to (as far as I remember). Though I am always down for some clips if you have any that come to mind. But I see what you are getting at… though as you said it doesn’t justify it really, but it is still important for making the audience sympathetic and understanding towards a character. (And perhaps take this with a grain of salt because I haven’t been in a real actual like romantic/sexual relationship… though I guess to be fair I do have experience with pretty severe sexual harassment and manipulation (minus the beating)..…but that’s really besides the point) I think in the scale of the dsmp it’s just kinda…. Meh….(don’t apply this to irl btw) for me perhaps the biggest thing is that it was ultimately his own fault and no one forced him to stay and he was already ruthless before c!Schlatt. And it may have been cruel and terrible and screwed him up but ultimately it never really changed his motivations and actions that much… like he ran in an election before c!Schlatt, he serves as an influential government official and forms countries after c!Schlatt. I mean the whole bet thing with c!Schlatt about getting the book ultimately could be taken out of lore and it wouldn’t change much… I don’t know. In the skewed world of the dsmp, abuse is a standard afternoon so it’s hardly that consequential in my opinion of course. That may make me sound cold hearted but… egh like in the same case as c!Tommy for exile. They faced the consequences of their own actions, consequences that on the scale of cruelty on the dsmp are just not on the same scale as what is considered note worthy abuse in the real world. And if we are saying that counts as his traumatic backstory that is both supposed to somewhat make the audience feel for him and make him understandable then it just… isn’t enough? Isn’t substantial?… I don’t know. Maybe that makes me heartless but I’m not saying c!c!Quackity is a one dimensional heartless, control freak, sadistic villain, he’s still a person however flawed and broken and misguided. But I don’t think we can blame c!Quackity’s behavior and cruel delusion as being from c!Schlatt nor do I think he did things because he has a deep care for other people… but then again maybe that says more about me then him, that perhaps my views are scuffed…I don’t know….

[chloelouygo]

I just finished a book and afdfxg idk what I'm meant to do with all my feelings now!!!

[nofacednerd]

how does someone coincidentally become your blorbo 3 times

okay listen adsfsdfhds

Flashback with me for a sec to 5th grade. I am 10 years old and the scholastic book fair is in town babeyyy its the event of the season for nerdy little weirdo children like me. I end up grabbing a comic book off the shelf (it was Ms. Marvel) and this began my love of comics/superhero hyperfixation.

Then, back in like 2019ish I kept getting ads for Lower Decks on youtube, thought it looked funny, watched the first episode, thought Boimler was a silly little guy, but I hadn't seen any Star Trek before so I just... Didn't get like half the references? So I decided that I was going to have to watch the entirety of Star Trek before watching Lower Decks. Because I am Me I immediately spend the next 4 years telling myself that I'm going to watch Star Trek and never actually doing it.

LATER in 2019, the MCU has done me too dirty and Marvel comics start to bore me. The new Shazam movie comes out and suddenly DC comics has me in a chokehold. I've always liked Superman, like, conceptually, but I start actively watching shows and reading the comics now. I blame Young Justice (the original comic run, NOT the CN show). I spend the next few years in quarantine yelling about Robins. At some point, during one of the Fandomes, they announce MAWSM and show off really early concept art (remember when Lois was white? I do. Bad times.) and I am immediately hyped as fuck for it

THEN, flash forward to last summer. 'The Boys' is trending on tumblr bc the new season just aired. I was incorrectly under the assumption that the show was closer to it's comic counterpart and that it was just an edgefest for 14 year old neonazis so I was confused as to why it was trending on tumblr of all places. I click on the tag and immediately the first post is about "The Boys Penis Explosion Scene" and I go 'Well what the fuck does that mean'. So then I spend like an hour scrolling through the tag, once again making very inaccurate assumptions about the plot of the show, then I finally give up on trying to figure out what the fuck the Penis Explosion Scene was via tumblr and just watch the actual show. Almost immediately I latch on to the sad, wet cat, traumatized, neurotic little weirdo that is Hughie The Boys (he just like me fr fr) Then like a few months later I find out Jack Quaid is also going to be voicing Clark in MAWSM, which I was already excited for. Flash forward to THIS May. I come home for summer break, tell my brother I want to watch Star Trek, I find out that it would take 2 years of consistently watching Star Trek to watch everything, gave up, watched Lower Decks anyway, heard Boimler and went. 'WAIT A FUCKING SECOND'

And that's how the same guy ended up playing 3 of my favorite silly little guys entirely by sheer coincidence

[chadsuke]

tbh for the gayest shounen rivalry tournament there’s quite a few couples that i’m like. yes they are absolutely homosexual but uhhhh rivalry??? does not feel. there. in the way that it should

[post3l]

iam showing symptoms of mental illness!!!!!!!! /vent

[psikind]

I beat pokemon scarlet today hi for the love of god hello

[hitmesupersonic]

i think the thing i hate the most about college applications is this weird pressure to make everything about yourself marketable. i’m working on my supplemental essays right now and i’m thinking about all these experiences i’ve had and how important they are to me, but they don’t fit the prompt or the right values or they don’t demonstrate growth in exactly the right way, and i hate that i feel like i don’t have anything to write about just because the things that matter to me are things that aren’t “important” on an application

[babieken]

I was expecting so much more from Again My Life considering lee jungi was its main character but it was such a let down...