#sorry this one is a little less general um. writing it because just a 5 minute nap on her would fix me

[rotruff]

wising you a very sleeping on your f/os chest so you can hear their hearbeat or vice versa. wishing you a very instinctively moving towards one another and pulling eachother close and holding on tighter in sleep. wishing you a very one quietly talking to the other who's spouting off sleeptalk-nonsense in loose responses. wishing you a very ignoring blankets in favor of eachothers warmth. wishing you a very kisses to the crown of the forehead and the cheek and the collarbone and the shoulder and the crook of the jaw right where it meets the neck. ok?

[thatbanditqueen]

The Late Night Dayton Gig

A One Shot Written for the Prompt: Do it again. Please.

From Elvis’ concert performance in Dayton, OH April 7, 1972

Warnings: Drug use implied and being fucked up described. Curse words. Angst. Somehow this is even less smutty than the last one. And I have a “at least one scene” general smut rule for my writing. What has happened to me? I wrote this very quickly and there are many typos.

Summary: Alex is helping her mom close up the family deli in Dayton, OH when they get a last minute rush catering order for a special VIP client.

Word Count: 2,788

Friday, April 7, 1972 5 p.m. Katz Delicatessen

Not far from the University of Dayton Arena

The cool air carried a loose piece of paper and it hit the window next to where Alex sat, startling her as she finished writing out the inventory she had just taken in the deli’s ledger. She stopped to clean her glasses with the hem of her simple, brown floral dress and looked up to see her mother lean against the office door way.

“I’m almost done, Mama, have you boxed up the cake for Ellie’s birthday yet? Think we should do it before or after I take her out?”

Mama sighed, wiping her hands on her dirty apron.

“You have to cancel tonight, tell Ellie we’ll celebrate tomorrow.”

Alex put her glasses back on, frowning.

“What? No, it’s all set, Randy is meeting us for dinner at home, then he got us on the guest list at that new night club down down, The Nitty Gritty. Ellie only turns 21 once. Why would I cancel?”

“Oy, because I just got a call from Stu.”

“Myerwitz?”

“Mhmmm. They have a rush catering order, and the hotel kitchen is already overwhelmed with two weddings and a Christening. And the party is tonight.”

“Tough titties Mama.” Alex stood, slamming the ledger shut. “Not our problem.”

Mama walked over, looking to Alex’s face, her hand on her shoulder.

“Oh babushka, I hate when you talk like that. It’s too much money to turn down. Stu won’t tell me who, but it’s a VIP client, very very VIP. Five thousand dollars.”

Alex’s face dropped. “Well, that should have been the first thing you said, I guess.” She sat down and took out a piece of paper. “How are we gonna prepare that much food in time for a dinner party? And who can I get to work it?” She started making notes on her piece of paper, writing the date at the top, and then “VIP River West Hotel Dinner Party.”

“It’s a late dinner, party, midnight I think. And who else, Sasha? You, Randy and Ellie.”

Alex looked back out the window, reaching up to adjust the messy brown bun at the top of her head.  “Ughhh, happy 21st birthday, and by the way, you’ll be spending it working with me and your boyfriend at a dinner party for some schmuck who can’t plan in advance.” She looked at her mother. “Please tell me that part of the five grand was the rush order, it’s not really five thousand dollars worth of food and wait staff?”

“Stu said 100 people, so I told him $50 a head.”

Alex smiled. “Good.”

***************************************************************************************************

“I’m not paying $50 a head, sorry lady, but that’s highway robbery.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed at the chubby, jowl faced bastard in front of her and she whistled at Ellie and Randall to stop plating the deviled eggs and the brisket appetizers.

“Um, that was the agreed upon fee when this booking was made, so unless I get a check for five grand right now, we are taking our food and walking.” Alex tucked her leather notebook under her arm, and smoothed her black, button down blouse before clenching her right hand into a fist. She was about to blow her top if this small, horrible little troll said another word to her that wasn’t yes. Ma’am. Right away.

“Lady, that wasn’t a part of any agreement I made. I’ll do $25 a head, no more. What are you going to do, throw this food away?”

Alex tightened her jaw, squishing up her mouth in contempt as she walked over to the side of the kitchen where food trays sat lined in three enclosed, steel carts, and began returning the food on the counter to them.

“OK, guys, start packing up, I’m done. I’d rather give this food to a homeless shelter than take any money from a two-bit, schister trying to hustle us on a last minute rush order for some mysterious VIP.”

Ellie swallowed a guffaw, grinning in disbelief at her sister, before nodding, and boxing the eggs back up. Randy stirred himself and followed suit.

Joe put his hand on Alex’s shoulder as she closed up a full trolley and moved to push it out of the kitchen area and back through the Presidential Suite.

“Now honey, listen, why don’t we —”

Alex nudged his hand off her shoulder with a scowl, the trolley wheels squeaking out as she began to push it out of the kitchen.

“Don’t you honey me, you snake. We received a phone call at 3:30 pm. That’s seven hours ago, ordering a full buffet dinner for a 100 people, with staff. The type of order I book months in advance. And I was told that if we could swing the rush timeline it would be a sweet five thousand. Now you’re trying to honey me into half of the agreed upon amount?”

Alex stopped at the large double doors at the front of the suite to shake her fist at Joe.

“Fuck you, fuck your VIP boss, and here’s a tip, if you want a woman to know you take her serious in any professional negotiation or discussion, don’t call her honey, ok?” Alex grabbed the door and pulled it open as she looked back at Joe. “Cuz I am not your —”

Just as she rotated to pull the cart into the corridor, Alex found herself lurching into the pale, sweaty, hairy chest of one Elvis Presley, who paused wiping his face with the towel around his neck to catch her by the shoulders as she gasped.

“Whooo there honey, you ok?” His lavender glasses were upside down, and he had been laughing with the group of guys snaking behind him into the hotel corridor.

Alex stepped back, dropping her clip board and then shaking off her stunned reaction to murmur a low “Fuck me baby Jesus,”  before knocking heads with the shaggy-haired singer as they both bent down to grab her things.

“Hey now, sugar, we keep meeting like this I reckon people round here ‘ll start to talk.” He smirked, grabbing Alex’s leather bound note book and clipboard, and handing it back to her with a dramatic flair.

She nodded. “Mhmmm, yeah, usually the slight graze of bare skin is quite the scandal here in Dayton, but since your business manager has been trying to fuck me since I walked into this joint twenty minutes ago, I think the newspapers will find that more titillating, don’t you think?”

Just then, Ellie and Randy emerged from the kitchen pushing the other two trolleys, and Alex held the door wide for them as she motioned them in front of her. Ellie’s jaw dropped as she recognized Elvis and tripped on herself as she moved through the door frame.

“Go right along kids, I’m behind you.”

“K Sasha!” Randy called back, as the sound of heavy trolleys moving over the hotel carpet echoed through the hallway.

One of the younger guys stepped forward to hold the door for Alex as she grabbed the her trolley and began to shuffle back wards, only to hit the white gaberdine fabric of Elvis jumpsuit, covered the arm he had swung down to stop her retreat.

“Now, hold on just a goddamn minute, what the hell’s goin’ on? Joe? Is that my food?”

Alex’s lithe body became a battering ram as she jolted into his arm.

“Oh, it’s just a classic failure to communicate scenario. Now,” she banged harder, dislodging his arm as he pulled it back in discomfort. “Thank you, we’ll be out of your hair in just a jiffy.”

Alex stuck a terse smile over her face, and turned to drive the trolley forward while Elvis looked back at Joe, then down at her, with a confused, hurt quizzical expression.  Two minutes later, she was pulling her cart into the freight elevator, only to see a long, wide hand grip the edge of the closing door and Elvis pushed his way in.

Alex looked up at him, pushing her glasses up at the bridge of her nose.

“No.”

“Honey, you don’t even know what I’m a gonna say.”

“Ok,” she sighed. “What are you gonna say?”

The elevator started to  move down and Alex got a better view of his taut, thick body, emphasized by the low  v neck cut of his jumpsuit that pushed up to his shoulders. Blotches of black eyeliner was smudged around his eyes, and Alex fought the urge to lick her thumb and lean up to wipe them away. She blushed as he grinned down at her, and then he fell forward over the top of the trolley toward her, resting his arms across it and then leaning his chin down in a pitiful sideways tilt.

“Don go, please sugar, bring that food back up. Joe’s getting your check ready right now. I told him six.”

Alex put her hand on her hip and quirked her mouth in a frown.

“Don’t do that. I just wanted the amount we had agreed on.” She looked up at the tiled, white lights above her, listening to the faint whir of the machinery lowering them to the bottom of the hotel.

Elvis had some how turned the tables on her, reading her like an open book that would respond to abject vulnerability as he leaned down on to the trolley and looked up at her with needy, pitiful eyes.

“OK, honey you the boss, just don’t let ol’ Joe’s repulsive manners drive you away. We are starving.  Got any food in there I could have right now? ‘fore I go shower?”

“Ughhhh. Ok.” Alex shook her head back up at the tiled lights, and looked Elvis in the eyes. The black eyeliner around them made them shine brighter and sparkle in the bright florescent light of the elevator.

“OK, you’ll come back up?” He grinned. "Or, ok Elvis I got something I can put in your mouth right now?”

“Both.” Alex exhaled exasperatedly.

When the elevator doors opened, Ellie and Randy were greeted to the sight of Alex giggling as she held out a mini quiche and Elvis smacked lips open, leaning closer over the metal top of the catering trolley. “Go ‘head, honey, throw it in. I don’t bite.” Then he gnashed his teeth as she put the quiche on his tongue. “Muuuck” he said, mouth full of food.

Alex immediately jerked back, her smile dropping to a serious look as she told the others to follow back upstairs in the next elevator because the gig was back on.

*****************************************************

It was well past 3 a.m. when they got to the van and loaded up the equipment. Alex held Ellie tight in her arms while Randy warmed up the car, squeezing her as she wished her a happy birthday.

“I’m sorry we didn’t celebrate your birthday tonight.” Alex smoothed Ellie’s beautiful blonde hair. At ten years older, she had a perpetual idea of her sister as a little kid, but she wasn’t, she lived with her boyfriend and worked in a daycare. Alex had wanted Ellie to get out of Dayton, have the life she hadn’t been able to pull off. There was still time.

“It’s ok, Sasha, we’ll go out tonight, and it was worth it. I got to meet Elvis, he gave me this diamond ring.” She flashed up a golden band with a square top covered in diamonds and black stones. “And, we made seven thousand dollars -”

“Oy vey, no wonder his manager is tight, I completely sympathize with that man now. Ok, well, we have some extra for drinks tonight then.”

Waving as Randy drove the big van off,  Alex went to her car, then kicked her tire as she realized she’d left her notebook upstairs. Standing up straight, she sighed and turned to drag her body back inside and up the elevator. She smiled at the young guy standing at the door of the Presidential suite, and he winked with recognition.

“Hey, um, everybody’s left - it’s just him, in there, and um —”

Alex pushed passed him, rubbing the boy’s arm. “Don’t worry, I just have to grab something quick, in and out.”

The suite was dark and she almost didn’t see the bodies on the living area couch as she quickly darted towards the kitchen.

“Hey, who’s there?”

Alex turned to see Elvis stagger up, a gun in his hand and a blonde reclining below him on the couch.

“Oh, god, fuck, I’m sorry, I left someth—”

Elvis wild demeanor softened as Alex walked closer and a grin radiated over his face. “Oh, it’s you, food honey baby. What wasss ya name….Satch ya, right?”

“Only my family gets to call me that. It’s Alex otherwise.”

“Sho baby, come here Satcha ya, come here! Come hang out…. this is, this is, what’s ya name honey?”

The blonde slurred as she fell back. “Cherrreeeeee.”

Elvis sat down, slipping his derringer into his black boot, and patting the seat next to him. “‘is is Carrie, Carrie baby, like the soong.”

45 minutes ago, as they had began packing up, Elvis had been alert and wide awake, demonstrating karate to his guests. She had smiled over at him in amusement at this and the other eccentricities he had participated in over the course of the night, including singing gospel music and lecturing people on his own interpretations of the bible. Elvis had particularly liked the brisket sliders and potato fingers they had made, and Alex had found him beguilingly charming when he snuck into the back area of the kitchen asking for her to feed them to him because they were so good he couldn’t bear to wait for her to re-plate them.

“Just slip ‘em into the old feedbag right here, darlin’. Hmmm. Ya pretty good with meat, aintcha? MMmhmmm MM!” Alex had shook her head with a playful grin as he flirtatiously sucked the brisket juice off her finger.

Now he was completely the opposite: subdued and lethargic. Alex came to sit by him, and he pulled her onto his lap while she watched the girl next to him fall over, passed out.

“Is she ok?”

Elvis looked at the woman next to him, and then back up at Alex.

“Oh yeaahhhhh, don a worry bout that chick, she jus took a sleeping pill. It’ll help her quiet down. Get closer to God”

Alex raised her eyebrow and shook her head, a knowing pull in her stomach told her this was probably a bad idea, but Elvis’ hands pulled her closer and she followed. She smoothed Elvis dark bangs across his forehead, thne parted her lips to blow some of the more stubborn hair wisps away. He took her hand and kissed it.

“Do it again. Please.”

“What?” Alex steadied her self against his shoulder, watching as his eyelips fluttered open and closed.

“Blow onnnn meEEE… baby, your cool breafff felt gooow…” he muttered, his eye lids became visible heavy and heaver, drooping half way down over his eyes.

Alex stood, pulling him behind her. “Hmmm, let’s get you to bed.”

He followed her as she led him back to the bedroom, his hands gripping her waist. Books and guns were scattered around, and a glass award stood on the top of the dresser. She wondered if he had been presented with something at the concert that night.

“Kneew it. Jus came back cuzz ya wanted ta see me neked…” he chuckled, nuzzling into Alex’s neck as she tried to politely create space between her body and his mouth. She felt the slight heat of attraction to him because Elvis was charming. And handsome. And funny. And totally fucked up. It made her feel as though she was taking advantage of a drunk puppy she had found on the side of the road.

“You got me. It was my plan all along” She pushed him back on to his bed and turned to go, but he grabbed her.

“Stay… stay baby, don’t make me sleep alone.”

Alex looked to the door, and heard the loud snoring came from the living room. At least I know she’s alive.

“What about… your friend out there?”

“Who?”

“Um, Cherry?”

“Oh yeah.” Elvis sat up, and pulled Alex by her waist to him. “You naughty girl, you wanna bring her in to bed too? Like for a three.—”  before he could finish, Elvis’ eyes closed, and he fell back on to the bed.

Alex sighed, pulling off his shoes, and putting the gun in his boot over on the dresser. She came back to drag him up further, and straighten him over the pillows. Unfortunately this roused Elvis again, and he grabbed her arm as she tried to unbutton the top of the paisley dress shirt he'd put on after his shower.

“Please baby, please. Don a go.” He kissed the palm of her hand softly, drawing her toward him. Alex nodded.

“Ok. But no funny business.”

Elvis bent his chin in assent, but then his eyes rolled back, followed by his head. Alex took off her shoes and her pants, and curled up on the bed, at first turned inward to watch the man she had grown up seeing in movies and television shows breath slow, labored breaths. At some point she drifted off her self from the exhaustion of the day, stirring slightly when she felt a pair of large hands grasp around her waist and pull her into the warm body behind her.

***************************************************************************************************

Thanks to my co-conspirators

@whositmcwhatsit​

@ellie-24

@missmaywemeetagain​

@be-my-ally​

@vintageshanny​

@from-memphis-with-love​​

[fallout4-reacts]

k-peasants asked: An actual prompt this time! I know you're busy and have plenty of things to write yet, take your time. Soo I was thinking that maybe companions (and Maxson) horribly failing at confessing to Sole. Like for example they could clear out some Raiders, companion is impressed, tries to confess BAM Sole gets fucking decked by random raider they didn't kill. I feel like you could get pretty creative with that one. Like deathclaws, something exploding, just settlers running in, other companions interrupting etc.

Then comes the second portion of this request. No, I didn't intent to kill Sole on a regular basis; it was a one-shot deal with Deacon……….. (but maybe…) Anyway, for the time being, I'll give you in the

Part 2

Hancock / Preston / Strong (Yeah, Strong… not sure why… felt like it)

(Part 1 : Danse, Deacon, Nick Valentine)

(Part 3 : X6-88 alone because of a bug)

(Part 4 : Gage, MacCready, Piper)

(Part 5 : Cait, Curie, Codsworth, Dogmeat, Elder Maxson)

Hancock : Thirty years. Thirty years of solitude. Thirty years have passed since he was able to free himself from a toxic relationship that nearly ruined what little good existed in him.

Thirty years of being content with himself alone, consuming others as if they were chems, of feeling extremely alone in the midst of his sorry heart.

He gets a swift of Jet.

Today marks thirty years.

He sighs deeply. Fahrenheit stares at him with curiosity.

"A problem?"

"Outside this one?" With a wave of his hand, he shows himself. "Nope."

His daughter doesn't insist. He's in that mood... a mood she'd rather not fuel. When he sinks in this way, there is nothing in the world that can lift him.

"Hello in there!" a voice from outside the room says.

Hancock immediately straightens up, his eyes bright, as Sole walks into the living room.

"Well, well, well, if it ain't my Sunshine in the flesh."

Nothing other than the Sole Survivor can light him up. Fahr rises from her couch with a gentle smile.

"Um, I'll go on my rounds, I'll leave you."

Sole waves as she walks by, and Hancock gives her a chin sign. He, in turn, stands to greet the newcomers.

"Well now, to what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?"

"I was passing by and couldn't help but come and say hello to my favourite mayor."

"Nah, there be nary a choice to discuss in the neighboring vicinity."

"Kelly's not bad in Somerville."

Hancock smiles as Sole laughs. They sit on the couch, and the ghoul offers his companion a mentat.

"No thanks, I'm trying to stop."

"Hmph. Pray tell, how fares it in your realm?"

"Quiet. The Castle is well-kept. Hartfield does an excellent job managing the squads, Rony is fantastic at instructing the rookies, and Preston is simply brilliant at keeping an eye on the entire Commonwealth."

"You bestows all the credit upon others whilst granting but a trifling amount to their esteemed General."

Sole sighs slightly, their gaze lost in the nothingness.

"The General is a little tired these days so my colonel and my lieutenants have the lion's share of the job."

Hancock moves gently, almost nervously, his arm around his friend's shoulders.

"Require a modicum of respite, do we?"

"Why do you suppose I came to you? I always feel so much better when you're by my side."

Hancock smiles and would blush if his skin would let it. He clears his throat, trying to keep himself in control, but his tone is far from confident.

"I'd be willin' to do anythin' to put ya at ease," he admits, realizing after how unusual it sounds. "Well, what I mean is—

"You'd drug my drink if I had one," Sole chuckles. "I know."

"Nah, not in the slightest."

The mayor sighs, trying to find more appropriate words to explain himself. He should have done it years ago. And the time has come.

"What I'm trying to say is that—

The living room door swings open, revealing an obviously irate Fahrenheit.

"Mutants attack! Three spotters have already been killed!"

Sole rushes onto their legs, grabbing their weapon. Hancock follows, although a little less enthusiastically.

"Eh, when duty beckons, we must heed its call."

Preston : The linens are being stretched out on the recycled mattress that Sole fashioned for Cait's bed, which is set up in her room of the news appartements. According to Sole, this is the final edifice that she constructed at Sanctuary, and these sheets symbolize the consecration of her town.

"What if more people come?"

"We will begin to consider the possibility of cleaning up Concord. There is no longer a single space available for anyone at Sanctuary.

"What if couples have children."

"Do not tamper with my words, Preston. You are aware of what I am referring to..."

The colonel is unable to contain his laughter. It's true that he was having a great time at the expense of Sole. The reason for this is that he is well aware of the fact that Sole asserts today that Sanctuary is completely finished, but that they will come tomorrow with a new project that might be a house, apartment, bunker, or anything else.

As Sole is leaning over to replace a cushion, Preston places the sheet on top of the pillow, and their hands lightly brush against each other as they should on such an occasion. He laughs shyly, and his General looks up, inquisitive about what is going on.

"What's that?"

The poor man, who was swelled and wondering what to do with his skin, responded quickly, "Nothing."

Sole gives a little chuckle, and their eyes appear to light up as if they have suddenly grasped something that is quite obvious.

"Preston, my dearest friend." Taking a seat on the bed, they pat the mattress next to them. "Is there anything you'd like to talk to me about?"

The Colonel embodies a desire to pass away. His foolish chuckle has not gone unnoticed by the General, and he is now perfectly capable of dying out of shame. He knows exactly where Sole wants to go. However, after the wine has been drawn, it required to be drink. In order to do so, he sits down next to Sole.

"I'll tell you the truth, and after that, I'll ask you—

 "HOW DARE YOU SIT IN MY BED?" Cait cries out as hurling her bags onto the ground while hoisting a baseball bat over her shoulder.

"Woh!" yells out Sole in an effort to calm her down. "We just putted the sheets on the bed!"

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Cait chases Preston and Sole while making threats, and they run away without waiting for a second warning while giggling.

Strong (seriously, I think I’m crazy) : Sole wipes their mouth after basically consuming their opponent's heart as Strong suggested —what would they do to finally gain the respect of the super-mutant— and the so-called super-mutant is noticeably impressed. 

"Puny Human now understands. Human must capture valor of great warrior who died fighting."

"But it's still cannibalism."

"What problem?"

Sole furrows their brow. Cannibalism is highly common in the realm of these massive monsters. It comes as naturally to Strong as eating a puppy. Anyway, he's already done with the Gunner's carcass.

"If not, do you have another way to celebrate a victory?"

"Eat defeated, drink, sing."

"Sing?"

Strong casts a bored gaze upon Sole, and they hope they won't have to take a punch for their attitude, but it was too unbelievable.

"Strong good singer. Mighty voice."

"I would love to hear Strong sing a song of victory then."

The super-mutant smiles a little. Sole wonders if they made a mistake. A deathclaw would smile like that before devouring a pray. Strong, on the other hand, bursts through a series of borborygmas and discordant sounds. They resist to cover their ears with their hands and eventually opt to join the sound calamity.

Strong appears to be quite happy.

"Great tiny human. Capable of singing ancestral song."

"Ancestral? I thought you were created by the Institute."

"Ancestral," the monster adds with a smile still stretch on his face. "Strong like Puny Human, very honorable little human," Strong is pleased, "and uh—

"Look, Strong! Some Gunners appear to have survived our raid over there! Let's go kill them!"

For the first time of his life, Strong is upset to finds out that he is returning to battle, but Sole pays little mind to their green companion. They've already armed themselves and are ready to take out the soulless mercenaries.

[milkinthemicrowave]

…I hate writing on paper.

My brain skips letters like I’m sentence mixing a YTP. My hands cramp after about 5 minutes of frantic writing, due to me having, UNDENIABLY, the worst pencil grip known to man (images attached below, I am willing to challenge ANYONE on this fact). If I were any less sane, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have bitten off my fingers by now for betraying me so.

“Now we write the H.”

“but… we are writing the word ‘what’…. W comes first….”

“YOU WILL WRITE H, AND YOU WILL ERASE IT. SUFFER BY YOUR OWN HAND.”

Colorized footage attached for proof. I made a new letter. I call it double H. It’s H, but you expel all the air in your lungs each time you pronounce it.

And pen… pen is my MORTAL enemy. If it isn’t Frixion, and I need to write more than 3 words, call it the Grinch because I’m not touching it with a 39.5 ft pole. I would rather eat toenails without any milk.

“ah, I’m so sorry, do you have a pencil I could borrow??”

“um, does pen work?”

no STACEY, pen does NOT work. I have the brain of a dog chasing a squirrel and the pencil grip of a goblin that bends my thumb at a 90° angle. I would rather drown in an actual fountain than use a fountain pen. I would rather have a gun pointed at my nonexistent balls than use a ballpoint pen.

Also, a message to any teacher who requires a blue or black ink pen: I hope your future generations fail you the way that your teaching failed me. I wish you a fraction of the hell my monkey hands go through trying to precisely write your horrid work, ultimately STILL getting it wrong. I hope you know torment, for I am well acquainted.

No clue if it’s an ADHD thing, autism thing, or just my silly little brain working too fast. But it is hell on earth. If I reach eternal torment downstairs and writing on a timed exam with pen is my torment? I would completely understand.

Here is my pencil grip. In my 21 years of life, I have never met someone with one worse than mine. I challenge this entire site to find anyone that holds their pencil worse than me. My parents bought fancy pencil grips to teach me to write correctly as a child, and I defied them like a self righteous baboon flinging poop at a wall. Now here is my punishment. My handwriting gets the job done, but in the absolute worst way possible. And it is agony.

[filthyjanuary]

I posted 16,477 times in 2022

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I tagged 6,148 of my posts in 2022

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#i def should’ve sized up it’s too small but it’s wearable i just can’t zip it but it’s so cute i can’t wait to cover the front in pins

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT GEOFF!!!

128 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

#4

ok sorry to make another post about this CW thing but like... again, it’s insane to think supernatural kept the cw afloat when spn would not have made it to s5 let alone s15 without the cw being kind of a shitshow that gave them a pass over and over. the cw kept supernatural afloat for a long time until that relationship developed into the mutually beneficial questionable mess that it was by the time s15 rolled around.

like i used to hang out on the cancellation bear website and other tv rating/cancelled show predicting websites and supernatural CONSISTENTLY was on the brink of being cancelled and in fact in season 6 and 7 got put in the friday night dealth slot... those seasons are the ones that SO CONSISTENTLY get proclaimed as ones that were ‘saved’ by cas or that the ratings only tanked in s7 when they ‘tried to write him off’ but it’s like... they were already in the graveyard slot they were already left to die... the ratings were already bad enough by the time s5 wrapped that they got moved!!! castiel was literally not a factor one way or another!! you stuck tv shows in the 9 pm friday spot to say their goodbyes and gracefully bow out.

supernatural’s saving grace was literally that it was on the cw so its shitty garbage ratings were enough to scrape by and the fact that its small audience was reliable meant that it was more economical for the cw to eventually move it OUT of that timeslot and pair it with new shows because that audience generally did not waver even when they were put in the death slot. fridays usually lead to a dip in ratings so if ur already cancelling a show, it doesnt really matter. spn’s ratings didnt dip all that much in the death slot. so the cw was like ok these collective 5 live viewers will show up no matter what so we’ll pair them in a better timeslot with some of these new shows we want to get eyes on and hopefully that will give those new shows AND spn a boost and that generally became the cw’s model for dealing with supernatural for the rest of its days. making and marketing new shows is EXPENSIVE. betting on a new show that would pull in optimistically the same or maybe a little more views than supernatural or possibly even less is a bigger risk than filling one of your timeslots with your hunk of junk that still functions well enough at the end of the day to do what you need it to do. THATS why mark pedowitz etc ended up saying spn would keep airing as long as j2 still wanted to do it. it’s bc their ratings were not astronomical but they DID NOT WAVER. and so they were reliably a good show to have to pair with new stuff and the cw was happy to keep doing that.

supernatural would not have made it past s3 on in order to develop that consistency without the cw being a tiny baby network without views or profit like i dont know how to explain to you guys that your jokes are as usual entirely based on misinformation.

137 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#3

um sorry i know everyone’s like over talking about this but i saw this twitter post and i went and found the tiktok and the comment and verified it’s the same amanda and the comment is real and it’s just really breaking my heart i’m so angry about this situation all over again like she was too scared to come forward this was all pre face reveal and like i’m sure the way people reacted was just all her worst fears coming true i truly hope she has a good support system around her i am livid truly

223 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

#2

what's your take on the cw thing?

okay apologies if this isn't articulate, i've gotten maybe 6 hours of sleep in the past three days but i'm mostly seeing a lot of bitter spn fans acting like this is some sort of brilliant win on the part of the fandom or that homophobia tanked a successful network and will teach other networks better or whatever but that's just not an accurate picture of what the cw network is or has ever been? it's frankly surprising the cw has survived THIS LONG regardless of whatever insane supernatural fandom conspiracies circulate.

to start, the cw being for sale does not mean it's bankrupt, and bankrupt and not profitable do not mean the same thing whatsoever. netflix did not turn a profit until 2020 i'm pretty sure but that was just the nature of their business model. the cw having never turned a profit is unsurprising to anyone with even a crumb of knowledge about tv ratings. of the five u.s. commercial networks, the cw has since its inception been the smallest and pulled in vastly smaller audiences than any of the others. ratings that would get shows cancelled on any other network were smash hits for the cw bc its audience is so tiny. since they cant rely on huge live audiences to pull the advertising dollars of the other networks, most of their money came from syndication deals and global broadcast which is why most cw shows would get to 4 seasons before dying (syndication requires ~88 episodes). the cw itself came to be by merging two networks owned by cbs and wb that were money sinks on their own. clearly the merger wasnt enough to give those companies the win they wanted, and they're hoping involving a third party will finally work, i'm assuming. it's also a good example of how fandoms dont ACTUALLY impact the financials of a show. networks care about people being loud on here a /bit/ but they care about eyeballs even more than. supernatural, riverdale, the DC shows, everything that is the cw's bread and butter have massively popular online fanbases but that did not save the network. nbc and abc shows i dont hear a peep about online are thriving on networks that are surviving the death of network tv because millions will tune in week after week to watch them in a way that often younger, more online audiences simply wont do. it doesn't help that cw shows are in genres that are often far more expensive than shows that air on more popular networks.

tldr im surprised the cw lasted 16 years... i wouldve assumed they wouldve tried to offload it 6+ years ago because it's always kind of been treading water but i guess the pandemic was just the final nail in the coffin

298 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hey everyone did we know awsten apparently auditioned for euphoria two years ago? here is the video, watch at your own risk.. it’s definitely not... academy award-winning, to put it mildly. the upload date is jan 21, 2020.

fwiw the character, darian is a 17-year-old described as an "outsider, sensitive, vulnerable, and mischievous."

the video was uploaded by dana sims who is apparently a talent agent in LA so make of that and what it says about awsten’s career ambitions what you will.

before anyone (see: twitter) gets mad about this, it’s publicly posted (not even unlisted) on vimeo and is incredibly easy to find (i searched ‘awsten’ that’s it...literally nothing else) so... what’s fair is fair.

362 notes - Posted January 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[rayofsunas]

s/o goes on a mission with them.

A/n: so, as you may or may not have seen by my recent “updates” I’m obsessed with genshin, and I’m pretty sure for one day I played for a solid 5 hours- my eyes hurt pls. but I did miss writing, I’ve just been unmotivated and busy with college stuff (mainly stressing, I haven’t even started my essay yet shh). n e ways, here’s an update, I hope this quenches your thirst 🙊

Summary: s/o goes on a mission with them. 

Parings: Kaeya/Reader, Diluc/Reader, Xiao/Reader, Scaramouche/Reader (all with a fem reader)

Warnings: crack, swearing, worrying Teyvat bois

Word count: 1.7k

Kaeya

when you’re assigned to be on a mission just the two of you, you assume he’s happy, and don’t get me wrong, he totally is!

usually you’re never on missions together, deciding it was better that way because you both get distracted (you realized after marrying, space was always nice too, space was healthy)

though the decision mainly came about because you two good around a lot... and other things 😏

no but deep down he’s worried when you go on this mission together, it’s been a while since the two of you have, a little too long, and the nerves came back

he’s always worried whenever you go on missions, and sure he’ll always be there to protect you when he’s with you (not that you need it) but anything can happen

sure taking out a bunch of Hilichurls was deemed easy, especially together, but he still worried

he never said a word about it though, he’d always keep a watchful eye on you (he does have a reputation to keep after all)

“Ya know, you did well today.” You said plopping down beside your husband, using your pyro ability to light the twigs and leaves in front of you.

“Of course I did,” he boasted, eye lighting up in the dark of the night. “What kind of Knight would I be if I hadn’t, babe.”

You groaned in annoyance, this was the ever so haughty husband you knew.

“Please, I could’ve easily wiped your ass if it weren’t for the fact that we haven’t been paired together in a while; I forgot about your skill.” You teased. The cryo user glared at you.

“Skill? Surely, I have more than one.” He snipped teasingly. Your head shook, feigning innocence. “Are you sure?” A hum sounded in your throat. “I couldn’t tell... Maybe if you hadn’t been staring holes into me every time I used my sword, I could see your progression.”

Kaeya visibly tensed, but he tried to make it go unnoticed, you saw his shoulders raise slightly. 

“Hmm?” You laughed wholeheartedly. 

“Don’t ‘hmm’ me, mister.”

Despite having been caught, a grin spread across his face, he was enjoying your teasing tonight it seemed.

“There’s a reason we don’t go on missions together, but, I did have fun with you today, despite the worrying part.”

Diluc

um, the ever so stoic and emotionless fire boy is WORRIED AF

and he accidentally lets it show

he’s totally fine if you’re only going against a few low-rank Hilichurls and Slime, but against any of the Hypostasis’s, he’s worried for your wellbeing (after a few days of trying to beat one of the Hypostasis’s I finally did, APPLAUD ME PLS, I was crying)

the very first mission you went on together, the job was done quickly and without much trouble, but before and after, he would not stop asking you if you would like to be escorted back to the Knights headquarters

he said it was his duty to protect any and every Mondstadt Citizen

you knew he was also just particularly worried about you

despite being worried, he is happy you’re here, though wishes it were under different circumstances other than battle 

he rarely sees you, so it’s a nice change to be placed on a mission together instead of alone, you missed each others company

BUT HE’S STILL WORRIED

“I’m a Knight of Favonius, I don’t particularly need to be escorted back, I appreciate your concern though.” Poor Diluc, the face he made looked like pure defeat, you used the Knight of Favonius card on him. And yes, you were capable, but he did know a certain Knights of Favonius Captain who he loathed a little too much,

“That’s why I’m worried.”

You scoffed at his jab, though it didn’t necessarily hurt too much.  

“Please, I can handle myself. We’re not all like Captain Kaeya, but even then give him some credit!”

“I know you’re more than capable but-”

”No buts! Let me do what I know how, please. Or else I could slip up, and then actually put myself in danger.”

“Okay...” You nodded, sending a soft thanks to your lover's way, but he just stared at you before muttering, “But let me escort you back to Mondstadt.”

👁 👄 👁

“I’m sorry, did you hear a word I just said?”

“I see your skills darling, but-” He paused, noticing how your arms folded across your chest. You were annoyed. “I’d much prefer if you took care of the greatest battle of all; Kaeya.”

“Kaeya does not need my assistance.”

“He’s probably in a ditch somewhere, and it would be much appreciated by Jean if we did not leave him to rot there,” Diluc explained. 

You had seen Kaeya earlier, and yes although he usually frequented the bars and whatnot, he was surprisingly sober. He hadn’t promised he would stay that way, but it would take hours for said man to get completely drunk to the point where he was immobile. You had only left Mondstadt four hours ago. 

“Amber can find him. She did last time,” He watched in disbelief as you sauntered off towards the hill in front of you, dead set on continuing your mission. “Come on I see an Electro Hypostasis ahead.”

“Also, you could’ve just said you were worried about me, instead of trying to send me back home! Kaeya is fine, worrywart.”

Xiao

it’s not that he’s worried about you and it’s not that he shouldn’t be worried either 

he can be both given the right moment

the only reason he doesn’t want you going with him is because he claims he focuses better on missions alone

you could understand where he was coming from, but you would’ve liked to have gone with him when he first left

you mentioned going on a mission with him in Liyue the night before he locked you in your Liyue Harbor Guesthouse room 

you were still asleep when he’d snuck out and had found a note in the sheets where he’d previously been sleeping hours ago

it read, went on a quick mission, be back soon. - Xiao

...one of the cleaning ladies had come to your rescue after seeing various lounge chairs from the hallway stacked and pushed against the door (she was supposed to clean the room that morning after having seen Xiao leaving, figuring it was empty to begin cleaning)

she was shocked to see you hurriedly throwing your shoes on and grabbing your spear, confused obviously

she’d asked if you were being held against your will or if you were in danger, but you’d dashed off before you could give her an answer

eventually after asking a few Liyue Harbor Merchants, you were able to get a rough estimate as to where your boyfriend went

when you finally caught up to him, out of breath, he was somewhat shocked to see you

“Hey!” You called after the ancient man, watching with glee as he turned around with wide eyes. “Locking me in the room seriously?”

“I didn’t think you’d catch up. I left hours ago.”

“I thought so too. But one of the Merchants gave me a shortcut to your destination.”

“Interesting.” He said, hand going to his chin in thought. 

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?!” 

“Interesting.” You mocked 

He stared blankly, without a doubt the gears working in his brain, spinning and ticking at an unbelievable rate. 

“No, one more thing... How did you get out of the room? I barricaded it.” 

👁 👄 👁

Scaramouche

you better be someone who can handle yourself, and you probably are, or else he would not be able to stand being with you romantically AT ALL

he’s had you practice with him, just to show him what you’re capable of, before he ever allowed you to travel with him

after deeming you a worthy opponent, he decided you would fair well with him

he would’ve never allowed you to come if he knew you’d be a burden, slow him, or get hurt

after you proved yourself, he does not doubt you so he’s not going to be worried at all

he’s only worried if you start slowing him down, then he’ll think you’re incompetent to be traveling together

if you slow him down, you’re being sent home, no questions asked

though because he does love you, you receive a bit of a less severe punishment for doing something wrong on a mission

he may ask you once or twice to keep up with him, or take your enemies out without less hesitation, but that’s if he feels particularly generous, most of the times he’s harsh and will not tolerate your mistakes, no chances given

fortunately for you, he felt extremely generous today

It was truly evident that you were slowly pissing off the sixth Harbinger and he was losing his patience with you. Yet you continued flirting with him to get a rise out of said man (yeah, same); he often reacted, and you enjoyed it when he did. You liked seeing him react and appear differently than always being so uptight and mean.

It was a common belief that he often traveled with a young woman, who had Pyro for a vision, and she was strong but often loved to distract and tease her fellow Harbinger. You were not so surprisingly, that young woman.

“Keep up, I won’t ask you again.” 

Today, you were on a mission together which wasn’t rare, but your other mission was to piss him off as much as you could. So, you purposely walked behind him, very slow. Pretending to take in the chilly scenery of Snezhnaya, although you had seen it thousands of times, acting as if it was something new. 

“You said that the last two times.” You said, cheerfully laughing to yourself when you heard him growl lowly. He didn’t pay any mind to your retort but began showing more signs that he was aggravated.

He hissed, “There’s not much to admire, you can barely see.” Yes, he was right, he’d caught onto your antics very fast, but that didn’t matter.

“As I said, if you keep slowing me down, I’ll continue without you.” Your eyes rolled. Would he?

“Leaving a member of the Harbinger behind wouldn’t be very honorary, but if I must, I will.”

A pout took shape on your lips. “Please, you wouldn’t leave your lovely girlfriend out here to freeze would you?”

“You have pyro abilities, you would fair just fine.”

“Hmm... I suppose so, but I’d get lonely.” 

“Then be quiet and walk faster.”

1.13.21, rayofsunas

[wizkiddx]

without making this a sap story ive had some not so great news from home and am in one of them moods to not talk abt it. but i need a tom h to hug me , pls could u write something like that?

hey anon - i am sending u all my love, and hope things get a little easier for u as soon as possible. if u ever do wanna chat abt nothing or rant just send me a pm x  I hope this is at least somewhat what u were looking for <33

summary: life is sometimes not good, but your fave boy makes it just a little easier to deal with (with some original help from his brother too)

a bit angsty but i promise mainly fluff (and a popcorn fight?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What drew you out of the sort-of-trance was a two soft but firm knocks at the door - well Tom’s bedroom door. You’d been relaxing with him and Harry, watching the new ‘Line of Duty’ when your mum had called for the daily catch up. Admittedly, she had already tried to call you twice today but somehow you’d managed to miss both of them. On reflection, possible not that shocking because you’d been at a charity golf day with the boys which involved a fair amount of noise, chat and competition. 

Thankfully the boys had both done pretty well, Tom coming slightly ahead but that was the norm between the two. It meant they were both happily basking in their relative victories and not moody and grumpy like they are oh so often when things go wrong. Because to them, against your pleading, begging and sometimes lecturing…. golf was not just a game.  

You and your mum had always been very close, so usually speaking to her was uplifting and made you feel a little bit more complete - what with travelling with Tom for work, her voice was a slice of home. This time though, it was not so much the case. It was just sad news about your home town. Nothing directly to your family or close friends but still, it makes you feel generally down. 

Who knows how long it’d been since you’d hung up on the phone, just staring at the wall opposite. Everything felt just hollow and empty, lacking in meaning somewhat. You weren’t necessarily thinking, more like devoid of emotion, of thoughts, of anything. Just a bit cold. 

“Y/n…Y/n?” His voice sounded hesitant, as though scared he was interrupting your call. When you didn’t respond, the door cracked open and his fluffy head poked in, not that you noticed - your brain was still half absent. Tom on the other hand, was instantly looking you up and down, very much confused as the why you looked so rigid and not present. Noticing the phone was lying quiet on the bed in front of you, he felt safe to enter. He made a beeline for the bed, perching himself down on the edge, in-front of you - so he was blocking your fascinating view of the grey wall opposite. 

“What’s going on in that little head of yours?” His voice was soft and gravely, choosing not to put much energy into his vocal box as he rubbed up and down one of your arms. 

“Hmmm? Sorry, was miles away.”

“Could tell darl.” As he chuckled his eyes crinkled round the outside. “How was your mum?”

“Yeh…um okay, I-I guess.” As much as you wanted to shake yourself out of it, it just wasn’t that easy. Everything was laced with this underlying chilliness. 

“You sure? You dont really sound it?” 

“No, I um…well I’m not sure. I think I’m okay?”

“What happened?” You shook your head in response, making Tom press his lips together with a small nod. “ Don’t wanna talk about it huh?” 

“Not… not right now. Please?” 

With a permitting nod, Tom stood up and squeezed your hand, urging you to follow. Trailing behind him into the living room, he then instructed you to take a seat on the sofa adjacent to Harry, Tom himself disappearing back into the house. It made you pout a little, you wanted him to just look after you a little this evening but that self pity wasn’t allowed to last long - because a piece of popcorn flew into your cheek. You whipped your head around, with mouth open feigning shock, to see Harry smirking at you cradling a bowl full of other possible missiles in hand. 

“And what was that for?” He shrugged his shoulders, turning his head back to the TV.

“You looked sad.”

“…” Your mouth was open, no words coming out though, as you looked at the frizzy haired boy in bemusement. Sometimes you thought you understood how his head worked but at other points, the boy was a bloody mystery. Instead of explaining his thought process (because there almost certainly wasn’t one), he just smiled evily at you - wiggling his brows. And I know you know what that meant.

Sure enough by the time Tom reentered the room, arms full with different objects he’d collected round the house, the floor had been littered with popcorn kernels. You and Harry were squealing at each other as handfuls of the snack were catapulted vaguely at each other as you chased him round the room. It took Tom shouting at the both of you for you to freeze, slowly lowering your hands in ceasefire with a giggle. 

“I leave you alone for two minutes.”

“ It was his fault!” You protested, causing a 5 minute of ‘ he said-she said’ between the two of you, even if Tom wasn’t listening to the bickering. Instead, he quickly whizzed round the room picking up all the obvious popcorn bits and then spread out all the blankets he’d got from round the rented house on the sofa.

 You knew Harry, in his very own and special way, was only doing all this to cheer you up and you couldn’t appreciate it more. Your relationship with him had recently got so much closer, thanks to Tom being busy on set actually filming - while you and Harry just had some quality ‘almost sibling’ times. And now living with him too - naturally he had grown to know your tells almost as well as Tom. 

“Alright children calm down… thought we could watch movie?” Plopping himself down on the cream seat, Tom made grabby hands to you which of course you had to comply with. 

“I’ll um… I’m gonna leave you to- well to the being in love shit. It’ll make me chunder”

“We love you too bro” Tom called to Harry, who was already on his way out - but the tone of gratefulness in his voice was evident, he appreciated Harry noticing that the two of you could do with time together. 

“Don’t make it weird!” Harry’s response had you sniggering, as you pulled the fluffiest blanket over both you and Tom and nestling into his side. 

After a few minutes of Tom pretending to argue with you about film choice, before ultimately agreeing with your choice of ‘La la land’ as he always planned on letting you. The Holland boys were both very talented at subtly being a shoulder if needed, and yes you knew it was all an act - but you weren’t about to call him out. About halfway through he kissed the crown of your head and murmured. “Can tell you’re not watching darling.” He wasn’t wrong to be fair. Yes, you were looking at the screen - but your mind was far away from the plot line. 

“Sorry I um… minds like a runaway train sometimes.” Tom released a breathy chuckle at that before murmuring a ‘come ‘ere’ to you as he all but lifted you up from sitting by his side. You ended up lying almost onto of him, with both of Tom’s strong arms holding you tightly to him. Smiling into his chest, you nestled closer so the soundtrack to the movie played over the top of his constant thudding heartbeat. It took a few moments of you both just staring into the screen, completely contented for Tom to speak, squeezing you slightly tighter whilst the two of you watched Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone twirling on the road.

“I gotchu now lovie” 

And you swore then that all the thoughts racing in your mind were outpaced by those of a different kind. Still intense ideas, ones that buzzed round your brain, but these were happy. Thoughts of ‘how could I be so lucky’ and ‘I love this man with my whole heart’. 

Apparently these thoughts were also a comfort because when Tom looked down at you after what must’ve been at least half an hour, you were spark out. Breathing deep and unchanging, eye locked shut and mouth slightly squashed against his chest so your lips were pressed together. But what made the boy physical pout was the way you relaxed hand was loosely balled round a fistful of his purple hoodie. As if you were clutching at him to keep him as close to you as possible. 

He felt so grateful - not only for you, but also for the fact that he had the ability to make it a little better. You didn’t need him - Tom swore you were one of the most fiercely independent people he’d ever met - yet it was clear you wanted him. You wanted him when you felt down, the same way you wanted to be around him when you were overly hyper and chatting pure rubbish. You didn’t want him because he was the ‘Tom Holland’ you wanted him because he was Tom. 

He couldn’t fix what was going on back at your home (I mean right now, he still didnt even know what was going on). But he did know how to make everything just a little less shit. He knew how to be your person. 

And that would forever be job Tom was most proud of.

once again sending u all lots of love (esp u anon 💕)

would love to know what u guys think if ya made it this far ;)

tagging (link to join) : @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove

[charlies-gillespie]

unsaid emily | charlie gillespie (part 2)

PART ONE

paring: fem!reader x charlie gillespie

summary: it’s been a year and a half since reader and charlie have seen each other, and both have never stopped loving the other

length: long

rating: PG

warnings: a little language, more upset!charlie, more emotions, angst, a lil bit of fluff

!! NOT MY GIF !!

MASTERLIST

author’s note: for the sake of the imagine and my sanity, the band name is going to be ‘sunset swerve’ because i’m not creative enough to come up with something better

another author’s note: i apologize ahead of time for typos. i wrote most this in the middle of the night when i couldn’t sleep. let’s blame any typos on my sleep deprivation

Your best friend shows up at your door at 5. They knock loudly and yell, “Y/N! Hurry up! We’re gonna be late.”

They invited you to see their favorite band live. You have never heard of the band ‘Sunset Swerve’ so you have no idea why you agreed to go in the first place.

Quickly, you grab your phone and your ticket to get into the venue before opening the door. Your best friend stands there in a Sunset Swerve t-shirt and jeans. You blink at them and say, “You’re going all in.”

“Of course,” they say in reply. “Anyway. Doors open in like thirty minutes. Let’s go. I want a good spot since we have general admission tickets.”

You’ve never even heard of Sunset Swerve. You probably should’ve listened to some of their songs before agreeing to go with your best friend.

Your best friend drives off to Times Square in New York. That’s where the concert is being held. It’s been a long time since your last concert, over two years. You used to go to concerts all the time with Charlie before you broke up.

Y/BFF/N finds a parking spot then the two of you find your way to the line. There aren’t a lot of people here yet and doors open in fifteen minutes. While waiting for the doors to open, you look up some of Sunset Swerve’s songs. They have a demo out but they sing a couple unreleased songs when performing.

The doors open before you get a chance to listen to one of their songs. Your best friend quickly pulls you inside. You get your tickets checked and you get wristbands put on your wrists for general admission. Your best friend practically runs to get as close to the stage as they can get. You follow them.

Both of you get close to barricade. You’re only about six feet from the barricade and eight feet from the stage. You hope your best friend is satisfied with the spot you both got.

“Y/N,” your best friend says. “Have you heard any of their songs?”

You make a face and say, “Only when you listen to them, I’m only here because you couldn’t find anyone else to come with you and you accidently bought two tickets.”

They laugh and say, “That’s true. Let me at least tell you a little bit about them. They’re based in Los Angeles and they formed maybe a year or so ago. There are three of them in the band.”

A red flag goes off in your head. A three man band from Los Angeles that formed about a year ago. That sounds too familiar.

You turn toward your best friend and ask, “Y/BFF/N, who are the members of this band?”

“Jeremy Shada, Owen Joyner, and-” Guitar chords are played, cutting your best friend off before she can say the name of the third member. The stage lights dim and drums are played. The thousands of fans around you scream in excitement. You stand there, almost frozen.

An all too familiar voice says, “Times Square, are you ready to rock out with Sunset Swerve?”

Your heart drops into your stomach as you watch Jeremy and your ex-boyfriend, Charlie, walk out onto the stage. Your eyes widen as you hear Charlie play the beginning chords to Late Last Night. Your best friend jams out beside you but your eyes are on Charlie.

His hair has grown a lot. He wears a cutoff tank top with jeans. It’s still Charlie in front of you. The lights are probably so bright that he can’t see you but you can see him clearly since you’re about ten feet away from him.

Once the song has ended, the crowd cheers.

Owen says into his microphone, “Who here has never seen Sunset Swerve before?” A bunch of people scream and your best friend raises your hand in the air, even though you protest.

“No no no,” you mumble.

Your eyes are still on the stage and you see Charlie look directly at you since Y/BFF/N put your hand in the air for you. You stare up at him and inhale sharply when you make eye contact with your ex. Charlie’s eyes widen as Jeremy says something along the lines of “you okay?” Charlie just nods and steps to his microphone. “It’s nice to see some old and new faces in the crowd tonight,” he says.

The crowd cheers again as Charlie smiles, looking around the New York Crowd. He waits a second before he says, “This next song is one I wrote about a year and a half or so ago when I made what was probably the worst mistake of my life.” He switches from an electric to an acoustic guitar. “This is called Unsaid Y/N.”

You take a deep breath and your best friend looks over at you. You sigh softly as the beginning chords are played.

First things first We start the scene in reverse All of the lines rehearsed Disappeared from my mind

“Y/N?” your best friend says. “You never told me that you knew him, or any of them.”

With a shrug, you say, “It’s not a time in my life that I was happy about.”

When things got loud One of us running out I should've turned around But I had too much pride

Yeah, he should’ve turned around. You were just heated in the moment when you told him to get out. When he left, he never came back.

You look back at the stage to see that Charlie’s eyes are on you. He’s practically singing this song to you.

No time for goodbyes Didn't get to apologize Pieces of a clock that lies broken

“I should’ve known since he named the song after you,” your best friend says. “It’s kind of cool how he wrote a song about you.”

With a sigh, you say, “He ran out the first chance he got. I don’t even think he wanted to be with me anymore at that point.”

If I could take us back, if I could just do that And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace Then maybe time would not erase me If you could only know I'd never let you go And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave Unsaid Y/N

Y/BFF/N says, “Wait, you dated Charlie Gillespie and never told me? You knew how big of a fan I am of them.”

“I didn’t know he was in a band, Y/BFF/N,” you say. “He was distant from me for the last of our relationship. The band explains it.”

In that moment, a wave of guilt hits you. He was spending time with the guys and getting the band together. You should’ve been more understanding, but instead you acted like a child and threw a temper tantrum when he wouldn’t give you attention.

Silent days, mysteries and mistakes Who'd be the first to break? Guess we're alike that way He said, she said Conversations in my head And that's just where they're gonna stay forever

You feel tears well in your eyes and you make it a mission to find Charlie after the show was over. Charlie’s crying up on stage too. You can see the emotion in his eyes and his cheeks wet from tears that have spilled over his eyelids.

Your best friend looks between you and Charlie before saying, “You still love him.” It wasn’t a question.

With no hesitation, you say, “Yeah, I do.”

Then the song ends and you clap. A smile forms on your face and Charlie looks at you. He lets out a little laugh away from his microphone. Jeremy claps him on the back and the show continues.

***

Immediately after the guys leave the stage, you and your best friend walk off to find out where the band went. They have to be around here somewhere.

As you try to enter the backstage area, a security guard stops you. “Only VIPs are allowed back here, ma’am,” he says.

“Please,” you beg. “I need to talk to Charlie. You don’t understand. That song, Unsaid Y/N. That’s me. I’m Y/N. I need to talk to him.”

The security guard says, “I’ve heard that one before. Move along, fangirl.”

You look at your best friend and you’re about to give up when you hear, “Y/N”. The voice came from behind you.

Quickly, you spin around. In the thinning crowd, you see Charlie standing less than ten feet away from you. You stand, frozen in shock that he’s standing in front of you.

After the moment sinks in, you run to Charlie and fling your arms around him. “I’m sorry,” you sob, burying your face in the crook of Charlie’s neck. “I was the one acting like a child that night.”

Charlie wraps his arms tight around your waist and he says, “I was the one that walked out and just never came back.”

“I wish I could take it all back,” you cry. “I didn’t want you to go, Charlie. I wanted you to stay. I know that it didn’t seem like it but I did want you to stay.”

He says, “You threw a glass at my head, Y/N. It didn’t seem like you wanted me to stay.”

You pull back a bit and look up at Charlie. Both your faces are wet with tears as you say, “I didn’t want you to go contrary to what my actions said. Actions speak louder than words, blah blah, but I really didn’t want you to go.”

His hands move to cup your cheeks and you lean into his touch, sighing softly. “I had a surprise I was getting ready for you,” Charlie admits. “I was writing a song for you that I was going to sing to you when I proposed to you. I just needed one more day.”

“You were planning to propose?” you ask, half in shock of Charlie’s confession.

Charlie laughs and says, “I wouldn’t become distant from you without a good reason, Y/N. I just couldn’t actually tell you what I was doing or it would’ve ruined my surprise.”

A little laugh escapes your lips and you say, “Now I feel like an ass.”

He shakes his head and says, “No, you had every right to be upset with me. I understand how it looked now and I promise you that I will never become distant from you again.”

You stare up into Charlie’s pretty hazel eyes and you say, “I trust you.”

His thumb wipes away from fresh tears and he asks, “Can I, um, can I kiss you?”

You nod as Charlie leans into you, pressing his lips to yours softly. Your heart pounds in your chest as if it’s the first time he’s kissing you again. Both of you hear a “whoop” behind you but it doesn���t break you apart.

Eventually, Charlie pulls back and says, “Come back to Los Angeles. The house is empty without you.”

“Let me talk it over with Y/BFF/N,” you say.

Then you hear someone shout, “Go back to Los Angeles. I’ll come with you. I’ve always wanted to go to LA.”

You and Charlie both laugh before you say, “Looks like I’m moving back to Los Angeles.”

Charlie smiles and hugs you, lifting you up and spinning you around. You giggle and wrap your arms tightly around his neck.

He puts you down and he says, “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too,” you admit to him. “I never stopped either.”

The smile on Charlie’s lips gets wider before you bring him down to you again, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

Owen says, “Okay, get a room. Before then, can we go get some food.”

Charlie laughs and pulls back from the kiss. “So, Y/N,” he says. “What are some good places to eat around here?”

[koalatydm]

Hot Brown Morning Potion Podcast Episode 5 - The Deluxe Elf Interview with Devon Giehl and Iain Hendry

Transcription Part 1 of 2 (includes Wonderstorm questions and Kuno's questions)

[Transcriber's Notes: This took me SO LONG to transcribe, like multiple hours and I'm only halfway done... But I will make it through at least this one episode because I want fellow Moonfam enthusiasts to have a text source, not to mention make it easier for deaf/HoH people to follow along. I guess I'll tag @kuno-chan since she said it was OK at the beginning of the podcast, sorry if I'm bothering you!]

KUNO: Hi guys, so I have a personal request for this particular podcast episode if you guys could tweet, post, both at least one piece of information that you learned from this particular episode, that you love, that inspired you, that you thought was cute, whatever. Like, I really—one thing that really tends to happen is that people listen to the podcast and they kinda just go about their day. We don’t actually see the information circulate through the community, which we really try to have creative questions—questions that are fun and explore the characters in different situations. And it would just be really, really cool—it would mean a lot to me to see this actually circulate through the community, actually circulate through the fandom, and see, you know, it would be awesome to see it be inspired—to inspire fan works, fan fiction, fan art, especially fan art. I just—we talked like a solid hour at least—really like a solid hour about Runaan, Rayla, Ethari, that family, um, and Moonshadow elves a lot. We talked a lot about that. And I think this is information that a lot of people really wanted, even if it’s in largely headcanon form. But Devon and Iain were so gracious and we talked so much about that family, and including Ruthari, and of course some Rayllum in there. So if you guys could live tweet, or even just one tweet, at least one tweet. Tag us, tag me, tag Hailey, tag @HotPotion, even if you send it directly to me on Tumblr, that’d be awesome and we’d retweet, reblog all your stuff. It would be good for the podcast and I just really want to see this information circulate through the fandom, so at least one tweet. Alright, um, let’s get to the episode though. Thanks! Hope to see you guys on social media about this.

—————

KUNO: Alright, hey everyone, this is the Hot Brown Morning Potion Podcasts with your hosts Tamika and Hailey, and we are here with Devon Giehl and Iain Hendry, two writers on The Dragon Prince at Wonderstorm, and Devon being actually the recently announced lead writer at Wonderstorm, so say hi everyone!

DEVON: Hi!

IAIN: Hi, this is Iain…

DEVON: Hi, I’m Devon… (laughs)

KUNO: And so we have a ton of stuff to get through today, um, a lot of questions, so—but we’re going to ask Iain and Devon a little bit about themselves first, since I think—I’m not sure if this is the first interview they’ve really had, personally, so uh, Hailey do you want to start—head that?

HAILEY: Um, yeah, sure. Uh, could you tell us about your roles at Wonderstorm?

IAIN: Uh, sure, uh—I’m also a writer at—official title “Senior Writer” at Wonderstorm. I was one of the writing team on the show, not quite as early as Devon, who was basically employee 1 after the founders but um, I joined sort of, end of 2016 when season 1 writing was really starting to get rolling, and was you know part of the process all the way through all the seasons. Uh, and since this—it’s such a small start up company, all the writers take a bunch of other, like, production roles on the show. Like, throughout all three seasons we’ve done, like, continuity notes work, we’ve given feedback on like every step of the production process. And then the other kind of side things we have, like you know, very top secret game that we’re making in here. And like, kind of straddle the line between the show writing and the game so that that’s all kind of on point and feels like it’s in the same universe with the same characters as The Dragon Prince, but ah, can’t say too much about that just yet.

DEVON: Iain does a lot of—a lot of secret work (laughs). Um, yeah as for me, I’m also a writer on The Dragon Prince and my—I was a Senior Writer until very recently, and now I’ve been made into a Lead Writer, which means I just get to flex a lot. Um, but I started in, I think the very, very end of 2015 when Wonderstorm was first getting off the ground as like a tiny, tiny startup. And we were basically four people in a room about, I don’t know, like 20 ft by 10 ft. It was really, really awful—

IAIN: Really smelly.

DEVON: Really smelly, really tiny, like only a skylight for a window, it was great. And I—so I was involved in like the earliest of brainstorming for the show. I helped sort of like put together a lot of the pitch deck when we you know took it around to studios and like, I named like most of the characters—is like my most self-indulgent claim on the show cause I got to do a lot of really silly stuff. Um, but yeah, and then I like help out on a million other fronts at Wonderstorm too because we’re a small company and—yeah, the funny thing about the—the small tasks we have, like you mentioned continuity checks. Um, we often had to make sure that Callum’s backpack and book and Rayla’s bindings were always correct, and that was kind of, the funniest and most intense, like, stage of production ever. Cause you would, you know, watch one shot and then the next shot would come up and Callum’s backpack would have disappeared. So we had to be like, “OK, let’s give Callum backpack back on.”

IAIN: Yeah, and it’s not just for accuracy, but like, the way fandoms operate, like, we just knew if Rayla’s binding reappeared sometime, it wouldn’t be viewed as an error. People would be like “WHAT DID THE KING GET UNKILLED WHAT HAPPENED OVER HERE”.

DEVON: No it was just the—

KUNO: Oh, yeah.

IAIN: Woo!

DEVON: —continuity’s way harder than anyone thinks it is (laughs). It’s a lot.

KUNO: Oh bless you guys for knowing that though cause we—we totally would. Like, think, there was a point I remember saying that they changed Viren’s eye color because they didn’t want too much continuity with Rayla’s eye color and I feel like we were really that close to having a ‘Viren is Rayla’s real father’ issue. We really were. Somebody had to have thought about that issue (laughs).

DEVON: I actually think there is—there’s still at least one shot in the show where Viren has the wrong eye color and if you can find it, congratulations (laughter in background). That’s where we missed—missed it. So it’s in there somewhere.

KUNO: Xadia CSI (IAIN laughs). So you two are married, um, can you tell us what it’s like being married writing partners?

IAIN: You wanna go?

DEVON: Um, yeah, I mean it’s—we actually knew each other professionally before we dated, so it wasn’t like we—it’s sort of like, it was easy for us to—to remain work partners because that was how we existed in the first place. Like I met Iain when I interviewed him for a job and I—he was great (IAIN laughs), he was fun, he was all right.

IAIN: Apparently I passed.

DEVON: But um, so yeah we had a professional relationship before we had a dating—‘dating’ relationship. Um, so it’s strange because a lot of people will say like, “Oh, that’s probably terrible. You probably, like, become absolutely sick of each other” but somehow we’ve managed to—to have like, two relationship patterns where when we’re at work and we’re working on writing stuff we have this very professional thing going on and then at home, we’re just married idiots and we have a lot of fun. So like, I don’t know, I’m never tired of you, personally.

IAIN: No, (DEVON laughs) yeah I mean when we’re writing it’s generally like, Devon’s the one on the keys uh, you know, putting the words in and so on, and it will kind of bounce back and forth between like, I’ll have the idea for the—how the scene should flow and I’ll kinda narrate bits and then we’ll go back and smooth things over. But I mean, I could imagine that with some people it would get tense, but I think Devon and I, we’re just absolutely the most comfortable with each other and neither of us takes it personally when it’s like, “that line that you pitched isn’t working” or “this joke could be funnier”, anything like that.

DEVON: It’s usually Iain who’s—cause I usually type cause I type really too fast.

IAIN: She’s really too proud of her typing (laughs).

DEVON: I type super fast, it’s my only real talent, but—like I’ll just sort of go off on some sort of like incredibly unnecessary, long description of something and Iain will sort of let me get about like four or five lines into this unnecessary nonsense and he’ll just sort start going like, “OK so like, do we really—do we need that? I mean, you know, could we sort of parse this down a little, a little less, a little less”. And then I, just like, “Ugh, fine” (laughs).

IAIN: But um, every word she writes is great.

DEVON: Mmm (skeptically)

IAIN: It’s perfect.

DEVON: Completely not true. Also in our scripts I think like—

KUNO: Aw.

DEVON: —in terms of the way that we work professionally, I think like a lot of my strengths are in—in really almost self indulgent levels of drama and he can kind of pull me back from being too indulgent on those fronts. And then I think that Iain is objectively absurdly funny and so when you kind of look at our episodes usually everything that’s pretty funny and lighthearted and like the sense of levity often comes from you and then if there’s anything that just feels really painfully sad it’s probably me?

IAIN: I’m the funny one.

DEVON: (laughs) It’s true.

KUNO: Aw, I feel such a connection to you Devon, because I’m actually, episode 3 was actually one of my favorite ones because I love all that like domestic stuff. I love just kind of like—oh, I don’t know what you call the trope, like a safe house trope where you go somewhere, you’re still kind of in the adventure but we’re in a space right now, a narrative space where people are safe, if that makes any sense. Like you—if you’ve ever seen How To Train Your Dragon, like (T/N I don’t know what was said here, sorry!), the base is the safe place, that kind of thing. So, I totally get that, I actually see—episode 3 was one of my favorites outside of pretty much every episode where Rayllum was a thing. (laughter from multiple people)

HAILEY: The whole season basically (laughs).

KUNO: Pretty much the whole season, um. I think there was one more question about two.

HAILEY: Yeah sooo.

KUNO: Before we get to the elves.

HAILEY: Yeah, definitely. Uh so it was mentioned that you’re now lead writer, Devon, and can you tell a little bit more about what that entails if you can, and how that’s been going?

DEVON: Yeah, I mean… I actually don’t know what I can say about it, um… I think it—it means that uh, for future Dragon Prince stuff I’ll sort of like take a bit more of an active role in leading the—the development and the storylines and things like that. It also means that from a company perspective um I’ve been kind of involved in some other side stuff that Wonderstorm is quietly looking into developing and um I help a lot with other IPs that we would love to make a real thing someday and that’s kind of all I can say about it I think or I’ll get in trouble.

HAILEY: All right, that’s great, that’s good to know, thank you.

KUNO: The Dragon Prince 2 (laughter from multiple people). I’m totally joking everyone that’s not a thing so don’t take that for—

HAILEY: Wow.

KUNO: I’m joking.

IAIN: Two dragons.

DEVON: The Dragon 2 Prince.

KUNO: Yeah. OK also if there’s anything that you guys say that you want redacted this is probably not going up for another week because I have to get our reaction episode out. So anything you guys think about that you’re like, “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that” just message us and we’ll redact that. Yeah, cause we know that—

HAILEY: Or just say it. Just tell us, like, what’s—

DEVON: Hopefully we have some self-control but—

KUNO: Okay, so we are going to get really indulgent here and I think this is going to be really in Devon’s wheelhouse. We have a lot of questions and a bunch of the scenarios so try to get through as much of it as possible. Um so the first question is can you tell us more about the Silvergrove? What is the government system like in Silvergrove? Who runs it? If you could tell us that is that the only—at least like the leadership role? Um, is that the only Moonshadow elf village? And also do they actually get any real daylight because I noticed when the illusion thing happened it just got shady and I’m like, “They might be taking this Moonshadow thing too far”. Like the elves—do they really like that much? So like tell us about the Silvergrove and where Rayla grew up.

IAIN: So I guess it’s probably worth just starting off with a kind of blanket like, ‘if it hasn’t been in the show, we can’t say it’s 100% fact. A lot of this is just gonna be what kind of we thought, rough shape of things happen in our heads—‘

KUNO: Yeah, absolutely.

IAIN: —going into the writing and so on. So you know, don’t come after me with any, uh, fandom lawyers, anyone. But um yeah, I guess like it’s sort of—it’s most useful for us to think about it in comparison to how the Sunfire elves, like clearly they have very structured society. They have a queen, obviously, and they have large cities and so on whereas we think Moonshadow elves live in, as you saw, much smaller communities. And I think the Silvergrove is not the only one of those, it might be one of the better known ones where clearly the best assassins come from. But uh, I think are other ones out there, um, and maybe even Moonshadow elf people do not know where all the other ones are. Obviously the Silvergrove is hidden and maybe they don’t even have access to all the other ones. So I think there’s a sort of community run vibe to things. I think you know when they decided to—to ghost Rayla, and before that Rayla’s parents, I think that was probably a ‘let’s all come to a consensus before we make a decision about something like this’. I think, Devon, if you want to talk about the kind of like sunlight vibes things, because that was a big part of your driving force behind how this episode looked and felt.

DEVON: Um… well… first, I will say that it was potentially from the top down a complicated visual decision to have episode 3 take place in a Moonshadow elf shady forest grove and also the kingdom of sunlight.

IAIN: Yup.

DEVON: It created a couple production problems in terms of like the way we wanted the Silvergrove to look was very like evening themed and cool colors and you know shaded. And I had this really sort of self indulgent thing where I really wanted it to be as close to night time as possible and yet the story line in Lux Aurea was clearly taking place in the middle of the day. So we came to this sort of compromise that you know it is technically daytime through the whole day and there is enough tree cover that it’s already pretty shadowy but also I think there is some magic at play that’s sort of like generally um shrouds the whole thing in more of like a night time vibe. And my inspiration for that was I’m a big World of Warcraft player, or was I don’t super play a ton anymore but I really loved Ashenvale and some of the night elf regions and they had that similar thing that no matter what time of day it was it always felt like at least dusk or like this sort of like ever—ever shaded feeling. And I indulgently kind of wanted that to be where Rayla came from. So that’s what that’s about.

IAIN: Yeah and I think they’re magical beings. They don’t need vitamin D from the sunlight or anything like that. They’re totally fine if they just get moonlight every so often.

DEVON: But yeah, don’t write a script that has, you know, moon themed place and sun themed place at the same time. It was a… questionable choice (laughs). But I think it turned out—

KUNO: Yeah, ‘cause I was wondering—I was wondering—I was like “Okay” because a lot of the stuff you run through—you run the okay, if I were to write a fanfiction how do I use this. So it’s like, do they just never like—if they like—if Callum were to say live in the Silvergrove would he just have to get used to the fact that like it’s just never totally bright daylight or unless you leave the Silvergrove in the forest, uh, and like—that type of—is that what’s kind of like going on, they just like their shade?

DEVON: I think they like their shade. It’s like Scotland in the winter.

IAIN: Oh yeah, except we all get miserable by around about February when we haven’t seen sunlight in several months. But um yeah, I think it’s kind of like yeah, a combination of ‘oooh, magic’ and also just extremely, like, thick tree cover in the deepest parts of the forest. But I don’t think you have to travel too far. But uh, I think there’s a reason why everyone in that town was a Moonshadow elf and there were no Sunfire elves or random humans just like, chilling and living there. I think only the most goth of kids would be able to live in the Silvergrove without going a little bit mad.

DEVON: I mean you only have to go as far as the adoraburr field which clearly still gets a significant amount of daylight.

IAIN: Yeah.

KUNO: And you said there’s not really like a leader. They do as a community, but is there anyone that like makes decisions, like is there anybody that like if they were to go to somebody, like if they have like village leadership decisions. And obviously, um, blanket statement that all this we assume is kind a little bit of headcanon so it doesn’t have to be like for gospel, but you know for purposes of writing stuff.

DEVON: Um the way I thought about it—well, to back up a tiny bit, there was actually a version of the story where there might have—this was super, super early on, we were thinking about how the story might play out and we talked about there being potentially another Moonshadow elf leader type character that they would meet who, you know, was the one who ultimately called for the Ghosting decision. But that didn’t really fit the sort of, like, very personal nature of the story we wanted to play out with Rayla specifically. Um but thinking about that and the way that we were, you know, trying to shape it—I would imagine that like the assassins are sort of like a specific group that live in the Silvergrove which is otherwise—it’s not all assassins, like, not everybody there is an assassin. And I think that means that like you know Runaan was the leader of the assassins so he might consult with the leader of the blacksmiths who may be someone over Ethari but maybe it’s him now who might consult with the other general leaders—I don’t know. Like I think it’s more of a counsel of different groups than one single authority. It just seems like that would be a better fit for Moonshadow elves than the sort of like very, very strong-army, structured, high-and-mighty feeling that the Sunfire elves have, so, does that make sense?

KUNO: That totally makes sense, a little bit like an oligarchy, I think I had the idea that like they sound like they like a counsel. Like it sounds like a elven conciliatory.

DEVON: Yeah I think like someone might say, like obviously something horrible has happened and Rayla is exactly the person we thought she was. I’m calling for a—a ghost vote. And then you know—

IAIN: With a cooler name than that.

DEVON: No I think it’s canonically, I’m sorry—

IAIN: Ghost vote?

DEVON: The canon is “ghost vote” now.

IAIN: Okay.

DEVON: But yeah, they would all sort of like weight in kind of like a town hall scenario about of like why this is obviously the correct call and they would all sort of like have to come to some sort of agreement about what to do versus the Sunfire queen just being like “mph, time for the light, light decides!”

IAIN: Yeah.

KUNO: Okay um the next question being almost a little on that, does Ethari regret, um, what does he—does Ethari regret doing the banishing spell now that he knows the truth about Rayla?

DEVON: Oh absolutely 100%. But I don’t think he would have the power to—to reverse it. Like I think he could do a quick charm to help reverse it in the moment just to speak with her but ultimately it would take a lot for him to undo it and I’m not—we haven’t talked about what he’ll get up to in the meantime, but I don’t know he would be able to pursue it so directly—I’d have to talk about it, I think it would be an interesting side thought to think about how he might pursue redeeming her in the eyes of her people knowing what he knows, but—

IAIN: Yeah I think given that we said it would take everyone to do it collectively and make an agreed decision it would similarly everyone would have to understand the truth and go back on it and ‘oh I saw her one time and she said she didn’t do anything wrong probably isn’t enough to overturn that. But yeah I think he probably felt some regret even at the moment, but you know he’s in some of the worst grief of his entire life and he’s not going to make perfect rational decisions. And I’ve seen you know some people were slightly upset that he got so angry with Rayla in the moment of seeing her but I think like when you first see the person that you’ve tried to convince yourself sort of took the most important person in your life away from you, you’re gonna feel a big mess of feelings and it will bring up some grief that maybe you thought you were just—just starting to get over, so ah. Yeah I think hopefully he can turn that around in the years to come but they’ve all had a rough time. They’re at war. It sucks (DEVON laughs). Don’t go to war, kids.

KUNO: Hailey did you want to ask the next one or did you want me to?

HAILEY: Sure I can ask it. Could you—so I mean—you mentioned a stuff—a couple things about their government system and whatnot, but is there anything else you could tell us about Moonshadow culture, like what their day to day is like, and what it means to be a Moonshadow elf?

DEVON: Um I do think that a lot of the fandom I’ve been pleased to see has picked up on this sort of idea of a fairly rigid culture and you know there’s a lot of importance placed on things like honor, loyalty, and the ability to commit to things. And um I think that could come off as pretty strict but I actually think it comes from the place of valuing a close knit community. And I think, like, to the idea that we said like they probably have some kind of counsel instead of some single authority kind of ruler. It’s—I think their day to day would be very much going about their business in ways that support each other you know? Like does that make sense? It’s—you go to the blacksmith and he does work for you and it’s friendly and conversational but it’s productive—it’s all very for the good of the community.

IAIN: Yeah I think early on in season 1 even Rayla says that you know they’re not really meant to show their feelings. So I think everyone kind of commits to doing their task for the good of the village and doesn’t gripe about their day to day until something bad happens as the entire series to this point has been driven by. But um yeah I think they uh—they’re just committed to having a good, small, close knit village life and all supporting each other the best they can. And then occasionally the dragon queen tells you to go kill someone and that’s your job so you better go do that without complaining about it.

DEVON: I think we use the words “reclusive yet intimate” in the article we put up about the two moon creatures, the moonstrider and the shadowpaw. And I liked that a lot because I think they’re reclusive in the sense that they’re a little bit shut off from the wider world and they’re um isolationist in their preservation of their own culture but they are very close to each other and that is something that they hold at such an—like a preciousness level but it’s also a bit extreme, like if you betray that in any capacity like obviously they take that very seriously. And so it’s a double edged sword if you will, to have a community that supportive and that close but also your ability to perform all of yourself for the good of that community can be your undoing so—

KUNO: No I actually kinda get that um ‘cause I’m Pacific Islander so I think we’d call that what you’d call a collectivist society where it’s like the needs of the group supercede needs of the individual so I kinda like I—it’s not the extreme I think that they are because they’re very like reclusive but um I kinda live like that in a little bit of way. It’s what I grew up with. So I actually totally get that which might be why I like that so much (multiple people laugh). Um so the next question would be how does the banishing spell work that, um, that was used on Rayla politically and magically? I think we’ve talked a little bit about politically already but magically is—I’m assuming it’s a collective decision or does each person, like, opt in? Like could Ethari have opted out of doing it or did we—did they all have to agree?

DEVON: I think everybody have to agree?

KUNO: And how is it broken?

DEVON: I don’t think you can opt out?

IAIN: Um I think ‘how is it broken’ is something we definitely want to save for—for the future uh we really hope that Rayla manages to undo that. In terms of I think that it’s just culturally ingrained that you wouldn’t opt out. Um I think they would probably just argue forever until they manage to come to an agreement. So I—yeah I don’t think there’s you know half the elves in that village who are seeing Rayla and were like “Oh hey Rayla how’s it going?” I think uh they all came to the collective decision. That’s kind of the political angle. Um sorry, what was the other part? Magically how it works?

KUNO: Yeah? How would you do it?

IAIN: I—again, you know if it’s not in the show it’s not canon, but I sort of inspired by how the entrance spell works where they do a dance and there’s a ritual and I imagine it’s kind of similar. Like I think there’s a lot of that kind of like ritualistic style of magic and it’s kind of like what you see when they put the flowers out onto the water as well. There’s you know a collective dance probably involving a lot more people, a lot more cool intricate runes that happen only with a much more somber mood than the fun, happy times of Callum and Rayla dancing around in the forest. Um so yeah it’s probably—I would imagine it’s probably tied to some whatever the saddest phase of the moon is and that’s when they all get together and really somberly and really sadly uh commit to never seeing this person again. At least that’s the part of the plan. An interesting question that I think could be something that fanfiction writers such as yourself could get into is has any one of these ever been broken before or have they all been pretty sure that they would never need to go back on it? Is that going to be something that Rayla is going to figure out for the first time ever or is there a precedent for this happening. And we don’t have an answer right now but I think that would be a cool story to think about and write.

DEVON: Oh man I love the saddest phase of the moon idea. Imagine if they do it at the new moon because it’s like the moon’s face is hidden forever. Whoo.

IAIN: Whoo.

DEVON: Sad.

KUNO: Maybe we’re birthing things while we’re doing this interview. I actually think it would be like Callum does the Historia Viventum thing and it would be so—cause now I’m just imagining this whole village doing this sad dance which is the Banish Rayla dance essentially. And like that would be so sad for Rayla to witness that just for the drama of seeing her entire village decide to just not see her ever again. And that’s like wow, I’m so sad now.

DEVON: I love sadness.

IAIN: Yeah Callum just crushing a series of Moon Opals to show such a clip show of all of Rayla’s saddest history moments (laughs).

DEVON: Oh god.

IAIN: That’d be great.

DEVON: Thanks Callum.

KUNO: Thanks Callum. Um, she’d love him anyway. But um okay so some of my favorite stuff, what was it like for Rayla when her parents had to leave her to live with Runaan and Ethari and what was that transition like for them all? How old was like Rayla too?

DEVON: This was one that we’ve had a couple different ideas about so this is another one that’s like heavy not quite canon bubble. Like if we actually end up doing a story that involves some of these details it’s likely to change and be slightly different but the versions that I’ve liked have involved her being pretty young. And because honor is such a you know key part of Moonshadow culture I think like overall it was something that she felt you know sad about because she knew that she wasn’t going to be directly seeing her parents very often anymore. And—but it was uh such a huge honor that she felt you know pride in what her parents were being selected to go do. You know, act as Dragonguard and serve as these sort of like honorific, um, warriors that left the collective of the Silvergrove to go represent Moonshadow elves in the service of the Dragon Queen. And I think she had—she grew up being told what an honor that was and how much pride she should have in her parents because that is such a special thing. And then I think like it speaks a lot to how proud she was when she believed that they ran away and abandoned that duty because you know, how could they? If that was their reason for leaving her when she was a child and then they ran away from that job, like, how important could it have really been? And then you know, I’m sure that makes her feel very, very small. It made her feel so hurt that she told Callum at first that they were dead so she took it pretty hard.

KUNO: Yeah.

DEVON: But I think the other thing about it that we’ve sort of kicked around is that like, Runaan and Ethari were Rayla’s parents’ close friends and I think she was familiar with them enough that she didn’t feel like she was being you know left with two strangers. It’s sort of just like, you’re going to be under the care of people who are already very, very close to you and care about you quite a bit.

IAIN: Yeah I think with like Moonshadow elves in general the thing I think about a lot is like the good and evil that comes from suppressing your true emotions to show a different face to the world and I think we see a lot of that in Rayla. Like I think she probably committed pretty hard to Ghosting her parents because she had this like big mess of like sadness that she’d left but at least the soft landing of Runaan and Ethari to live with and so on. But believing like this sadness is worth it because they’re doing something so noble and then the betrayal of that—it just came out in kind of a messy like toxic way, right, where now she’s committed to becoming an assassin at a really young age in a way Ethari doesn’t agree with and so on. But I mean on the other side I think having a strong handle on your emotions is often one of Rayla’s strengths right? Like we saw in episode 5 of this season after she’s going through a whole lot of stuff, both her family situation and this new development with Callum, she’s just able to like operate as a cool badass extremely cool assassin without letting any of that affect her. But you know I think there’s balance in how you handle your feelings and how you externalize them in a good way that people can learn from, but sometimes you gotta—you gotta work (laughs).

KUNO: That makes sense. Oh well yeah I always had this personal headcanon which I kind of like incorporated into my fanfictions where she felt abandoned by her parents so in a way it’s kinda like slightly—kinda like that except it was all those feelings that have been repressed from years and years basically came out when she felt like—like the abandonment came to like the head when she felt like they had left because they had ran away—they kind of like ran away like from her.

DEVON: Oh yeah, absolutely.

KUNO: In a way—their duty to—

DEVON: I think that validates the suppressed feeling, you know.

KUNO: Yeah, since their duty to the Dragonguard was in it’s own way more important and that’s something that was like okay because it was an honor but since they ran away it’s like obviously it was more important in a terrible way, if that makes any sense?

IAIN: Yeah I mean I think it’s like she did her best and she’s trying to be a grown up but it’s hard at a young age to accept that you know there are meant to be higher callings than a bond between parents and children, right? Like that’s hard for her to grasp and she probably didn’t express that openly ever really. But I think it really did help that she had two genuine loving father figures ready to accept her with open arms even if one of them did train her to become the best assassin of her generation, which again I wouldn’t advise to—to most parents out there.

DEVON: I do think like even that was considered, you know, honorable. It was you know, you’re going to—not only are you going to get to live with Runaan and Ethari, like Runaan is the leader of the assassins, or at least maybe at that point in time he wasn’t the leader but he was very up and coming. I don’t know, it could be either or, but that I think was probably something that she fully embraced and fully wanted, like you know, ‘this is my purpose in life, this is my calling, my parents have gone off to do their calling and it’s a great honor for them, and this is my path and what I’m going to do with myself’. And that didn’t end up being true but it was probably a comfort to her at the time.

IAIN: Yeah.

KUNO: That makes a lot of sense. Moving on, okay, this, we’re getting real indulgent now—do you know what Ethari and Runaan’s wedding was like and what are Moonshadow elf weddings are like in general?

DEVON: Um, I have a, so a lot of the dancing stuff is because I have an enormous soft spot for tropes involving cute dances, like, just a huge, huge soft spot. And the thing that comes to mind is, if you’ve seen the movie Prince of Egypt, which is such a weird reference—

KUNO: Yeah, I love that.

DEVON: —the scene where he and the girl, I forget her name, they do the thing—

KUNO: Tzipporah.

DEVON: —with the ribbon and they do the cute little dance with the ribbon. For some reason that’s what I think of when I imagine what a moment in their wedding would look like would be a dance with a ribbon that they sort of use to—you know, Moonshadow elves love ribbons, I guess, but this is a good ribbon! It’s a love ribbon. But anyway, that’s just my idea. I love that specific—that song that, “Through Heaven’s Eyes”, it’s during that sequence but that—

KUNO: Yeah.

DEVON: —would be my go-to inspiration for like, it’s like that and then you know, everybody dances with them because Moonshadow elves like to dance.

IAIN: Yeah, I kind of like the idea of the—there’s a lot of these symbols that are sometimes extremely sinister. I mean I think Ethari even kinda calls this out when he shoots the—the Shadowhawk arrow to inform the queen that her son is in fact alive. But like, Moonshadow elves believe that death and life are not good and evil, they’re mirrors of each other and an important part of the cycle. And you know, the moon has cycles and that’s an important part. So I think thinking about all the rituals and stuff that they have, which initially you’re introduced to as ‘let’s go murder someone party’, like if that was—there was a kind of inverse to that that was a big part of their wedding ceremony I think that would make a lot of sense to Moonshadow elves because this is two people binding their lives together forever. Binding for a shared purpose in a good way and not the grim ‘let’s go kill Prince Ezran’ kind of way.

KUNO: Yeah. Cause naturally this is involving like several ships so I’m like, I had to ask that. And on the piggyback of that, as detailed as possible, can you describe courtship customs for Moonshadow elves?

DEVON: Oh man.

KUNO: I mean like dating—dating customs, like a headcanon even if it’s just headcanons.

IAIN: Devon is deep in thought (laughs).

DEVON: I’ve never—like for some reason the—the headcanons that I’ve thought about are more specific to like, Runaan and Ethari than I’ve really sort of like branched out into thinking about how Moonshadow elves do this in general. So I imagine there’s intended—there’s some formality to it, I would imagine, in that like, because they’re so, you know, purposeful and thoughtful with how they express their feelings if at all, I think it would be, you know, exchange of gifts like small favors and making your purpose known in a way that starts small but has purpose. So I think like, there’s versions where Ethari would put extra detail into the work he was doing for Runaan which you know, could be perceived as a sign of affection or Runaan was coming to Ethari asking him to work on his weapons or metalcraft stuff a little bit more than was necessary and—stuff like that, where it’s a bit stiff and difficult but I think like once—once there is clear reciprocation I think there can be more of an open discussion about it, does that make sense? But I think Runaan probably struggled with this a whole lot, like, ‘cause he’s—did I, it might have been you who I responded to on Twitter but someone asked me something along these lines and I think Runaan had a really hard time even with this first sort of like simple offerings of affection because that’s just him. Like he sort of takes that aspect to an extreme. Like he has a hard time being like “here is the way I wish to express myself in a soft way and not with a—a sharp object. So I think Ethari had an easier time because he’s just more naturally soft (laughs).

IAIN: Yeah I sometimes think that Runaan is the most Moonshadow elf of all Moonshadow elves, but like, you know, it’s—

KUNO: I was gonna say that.

IAIN: Yeah, um, you know when they have such a hard time showing their feelings and they sometimes feel like they’re not supposed to and so on, and so Runaan is trying to pick up on the tiniest possible hints through professional exchanges and so on. And I think when it’s actually time to confess that there’s a feeling there you would, I think especially Runaan would have to be 100% sure and then do it entirely in private, the most private situation possible where there could be no possible spies who could see this if it was going to go wrong because that would just be the end of his entire life, obviously.

DEVON: Yeah he would bind himself to his own death (laughs).

IAIN: Yeah, that’s it. Gonna assassinate myself because I confessed love and it didn’t get reciprocated. That’s that.

DEVON: It’s over.

IAIN: So yeah, lot of—lots of awkward advances where they’re trying—trying to have the escape hatch of “Oh I didn’t really try to suggest that I liked you, this was just me asking you for a professional favor by let’s never speak again”.

DEVON: And then he comes back the next day (DEVON and IAIN laugh).

KUNO: Oh my goodness. Uh I felt—I—I kinda like headcanoning now that Ethari tells Rayla all this “how I met, you know, your surrogate dad” kind of stuff. Like, and that’s how she—she’s like, this is how you do love apparently.

DEVON: I do think that like, yeah, he had a much easier time and probably picked up on stuff. And to me there’s a side of Ethari that you don’t really get to see in the episode because he’s very sad. I think he’s a—he does have a playful side and I like to imagine that while Runaan was doing his, like, really just not-the-best attempts to display affection early on, like Ethari would pick up on them but not necessarily give the full signal back. And he played a little bit oblivious but he absolutely was—he’s just more emotionally in tune. So I think, “Oh hey, you’re back again, wow. I thought I did fantastic work on your blades last time. I cannot believe they’re already dull!” Like and he just sort of like, he knows—he knows there’s something there.

IAIN: I think like this kind of gets echoed in Rayla, like where Callum in an effort to pick her up and be honest about how he feels that she’s just an incredible person. Like to her that’s like, ‘person being entirely open with their feelings in a positive way? That’s a love connection!’ And then it goes wrong for one entire episode and then it turns out that Callum was also not fully aware of how he was feeling and so on. But I think like, yeah, I think that’s why she was like immediately “Wow, this is clearly meant to be romantic and this is—this is going exactly the way I want!” and then it didn’t. But then it did! So we’re all happy.

DEVON: Aww.

KUNO: I am! I’m certainly happy. Um—uh let’s see—the next one is—okay. What was Rayla like as a child growing up in a household she did—household? Um, she mentioned going to school and we’d love to know how baby Rayla fared as a student and just a child growing up in the Silvergrove and what that experience is like for a Moonshadow elf child?

DEVON: You want—you want me to do this one?

IAIN: Go for it.

DEVON: Yeah, um, I think Rayla was feisty (laughs) in a word. I think she—for some reason there’s a scene in the beginning of Korra where she’s already mastered like, three elements and she like comes out punching. I kind of think about that when I think about baby Rayla. She knows she’s—there’s that end credit scene where she’s got the two sticks and she’s posing with them and Runaan’s sort of lifting one of them up and I’m thinking like, okay so sheg’s like, from a tiny, tiny age thinking like, “I’m gonna be the coolest assassin the Moonshadow elves have ever seen!” and she’s like rambunctious about that almost, because you know, as a child you don’t really understand what the ramifications of that are but it’s considered like a highly, highly valued, honored position and so she’s obviously like, “Yeah I’m gonna do that and I’m going to be the best at it and there will never be any complications whatsoever!” In terms of Moonshadow elf childhood, I think with the way that I would think about it is—we talked about the sort of community aspect. I imagine Moonshadow elves have pretty, like, what’s the word, like, a lot of general education, sort of, like, “this is what weaponsmithing is like and this is gardening and raising crops and things to provide for the community” and so I think they would have a lot of ‘school’ that covers a lot of just like, life basics because you are expect to find a place that contributes to the collective whole. Does that like—?

IAIN: Yeah, I think like it’s also lucky for Rayla that a big part of Moonshadow elf culture is what we would call PE. Like I think she excelled at striving to be an assassin warrior and so on. Especially like, she’s trying to live up to her parents who at first were honored Dragonguard and you know, Runaan as well. I think in terms of like, more academic stuff like if there was Moonshadow elf history lessons and “let’s go out and understand the, you know, ecology of the Moonshadow forest” and stuff I think she was probably a bit kinda like, rambunctious and not super paying attention and running off and not really giving it her all and so on. Um, you kind of get that impression from early on where she knows what Primal sources are and she’ll explain that to Callum but like, when she’s talking about ‘how do you do that Moonshadow form thing’ she’s like “I don’t know, it just feels right”. Like I think that’s—she did everything very intuitively and focused on the things she cared about and understood and kinda did what she—did what she could on the other subjects, I guess, but didn’t care as much.

DEVON: Yeah I feel like if you imagine the kid that is going to grow up to be an artist is doing doodles on their math homework and just sort of like doing the math homework but—but you know, clearly the effort is being placed elsewhere. I think it’s that but she was excelling at PE and assassin training and therefore fell very, very easily into her supposed path.

KUNO: The—this isn’t on the thing, but did—did she ever—did she ever really have any friends? ‘Cause she doesn’t really mention—ever mention friends. I—maybe that has to do with the whole assassin thing where if she wasn’t learning being at school she would probably doing assassin stuff with Runaan or assassin training stuff—I guess not really assassinating. But um did she have really friends growing up?

IAIN: I think if she had friends they were not super close. And I think she valued her alone time. There’s a sweet moment early in—well end of season 1 where she like tries to cheer up Ezran by saying that fitting in is overated and I think she felt that a little bit. Um and you know I think there’s some amount of when you’re being trained in the art of an assassin like you’re probably somewhat taught to—to keep people at arm’s length a little bit, right? And I think she—she took that to heart. So I think that’s a big part of why when she was first traveling with Callum and Ezran there wasn’t that much trust between then and it was kinda like, it was Ezran honestly that bridged the gap being most empathetic number 1 child. And yeah, I think having a close friend is relatively new to her.

KUNO: Makes sense. Like just few, not the many. Um okay then next question before we get to Hailey’s batch of them are um, what are Runaan’s feelings toward Rayla as of right now and everything that’s happened since season 1? I understand he’s in a coin, he’s in a finacial crisis, he’s probably not thinking about it too hard—

DEVON: Oh my god (laughs).

KUNO: But you know, like he’s gotta be—you know he’s not doing anything right now, I’m assuming, so like what would be his feelings about her at the moment?

DEVON: I mean he’s got a lot of time to think, wherever he is. I think like—I got into this a little bit on Twitter in a self-indulgent rant at one point where I think he went through a lot very quietly during the first few episodes of the show where he very, very much wanted Rayla to succeed, even if he wasn’t necessarily like being the dad on the sideline of the soccer game, like, cheering for her. But he thought this was her moment, this was her time to prove that she really was more dedicated to you know, her cause and her people than her parents were because they had, you know, been the subject of such shame. And then ah, everything goes the way it does, I think he has a brief crisis of, “Is this my fault? Did I fail to train her well enough? Like, was Ethari right?” Because he always thought she had, you know, a softer heart. And I think like those are the types of things that he’s still stewing on, um like did—”did he overstep? Was it something—was he so eager to give her the opportunity to prove herself that he, you know, ultimately put her in a position where she could not succeed?” I think like, the other thing that I mentioned on Twitter was I think he took her off the mission both because he very, very much wanted to give himself and the others a chance to complete the mission even if it meant their deaths. But it also meant that Rayla had the chance to survive even if it was potentially going to be misinterpreted and she’d get slapped with the Ghosting, I think he believed that her alive was better than everybody being dead. So I think like, he’s got a lot—a lot to work through and I think like—I think he feels guilty. I think there’s the smallest part of him that he has the—again, a lot of time to potentially stew on and reflect on is he does feel like he put her in a position that was, you know, not fully taking into account the type of person she was and more projecting onto her the type of person he wanted her to be and gift he wanted to give her of redeeming herself in the eyes of her people for her parents. And I think he’s gonna have to work through that. Poor dude.

KUNO: That’s so sadly heartfelt. That’s so sadly heartfelt. Here I am thinking that he’d be, like, maybe a little angry with her, ‘cause obvious reason, but now it’s like, oh he feels guilty. Like, “Oh, okay, let’s just slap the angst on, okay”.

DEVON: I mean, I think like—

KUNO: Yeah, mm-hm.

DEVON: Sure he’d have some anger, like, “Awgh, I gave her everything. I gave her the exact opportunity she needed”. But I think like the guilt and the reflection leads to the “Maybe I—maybe it was me who stepped too far here”.

IAIN: Yeah, I mean another part of it is like, we don’t know what it’s like being trapped in the hell coin dimension, right?

DEVON: Oh I do. I—I mean—

IAIN: Oh you do?

DEVON: It sucks.

IAIN: Oh it sucks?

DEVON: When it happens to me on the reg (IAIN laughs).

IAIN: But you know, does it feel like an eternity is passing? Does it feel like no time has passed? Is he in eternal pain? Because if it’s like real bad—

KUNO: Oh my god.

IAIN: —in there I can imagine that like yeah there’s definitely some of those kind of anger feelings that you don’t want to feel in but you do sometimes, right? Like it’s like, if he has a snap moment of “I wouldn’t be in here if she hadn’t gone off and disobeyed our orders and, like, lied to me and so on”. So if he ever comes out uh don’t know what side of the emotional coin he’s gonna land on.

DEVON: Ohhh, please leave.

KUNO: Oh my god.

DEVON: Get out, oof, ouch.

IAIN: Finger guns.

DEVON: I do think like that sort of complex—

KUNO: It sounds—

DEVON: —emotion is just, I don’t want to give any time to that pun, we’re moving on. Like that sort of complexity of emotion and relationships is something that I really like in the show overall. Like you said earlier, you saw some people that were a little bit upset that Ethari was so willing to lash out at Rayla at first and I think like to me that was always part of the big, big thematic of the show, which is this sort of endless cycle of people being willing to hurt each other and not forgive each other and not, you know, accept that you can choose peace. It’s, you know, it’s—Runaan having that impulse to anger is a very natural thing and it doesn’t—I don’t think it necessarily makes him a bad person for feeling that. And I don’t necessarily think that Ethari having his moments of grief lead him to actions that are ultimately like, regretful, like I don’t think he would want that to define him in the long run. Like those are very human things but those are the things as we acknowledge them and as are—so long as we are capable of recognizing how flawed we are and how violent and…

KUNO: Messy.

DEVON: Messy! Thank you, that’s like, I was going to say like churning, messy is good. Like messy emotions can be and how they can like, dictate the way we treat each other, um, but forgiveness and patience and acceptance are ultimately just so much more powerful than those negative perpetuating lashing outs. That was an inelegant way of ending that screed, but yes.

KUNO: I actually really love that um ‘cause I from the beginning I’ve loved their father-daughter relationship so I love how complicated it is, ‘cause the truth is you know every parent-child relationship is a little complicated, except theirs is a little more complicated with assassination going on in the works, the family trade. So I love that it is this complicated ‘cause I know I remember in the beginning where people were like you know—you know she does have a dad. And it’s like I know she has a biological dad but until I am told otherwise that’s her father. I don’t care and I love their relationship so I love that that really reflects that. Another—the next question out of me before we get to, um, Hailey’s, which are all about different elves, is um, course I have to ask, my policy is one Rayllum question per interview. Um what are Runaan’s feelings—whah, no, whoop, how would Ruthari and Runaan react to Rayla’s relationship with Callum considering he’s not only a human but a human prince? ‘Cause as far as we know Runaan really hates, um, humans and I’d love to see that story later, both individually and as a couple. Because as far as I know, Ethari probably doesn’t know that their in a relationship unless he sensed it?

DEVON: Oh man, I—I think you should take this one, but I do want to say that I saw one comment on Tumblr at one point where someone said that they wished that Ethari had said something to Callum along the lines of like, “Take care of her”. And I want to travel back in time and pretend that was in the script ‘cause I think that would have been really, really nice. And I do think like, he picked up on the fact that Callum was important to her even if it—he didn’t necessarily read it as romantic right off the bat. I think he mostly was like, “Oh this guy is kind of like a cute—he’s a human but he’s, you know, a friend to someone I care about and that in and of itself is valuable and there’s something there”. So I think—pretend that was in the script. I wish I had thought about something like that but—

KUNO: I will (DEVON laughs).

IAIN: Yeah.

KUNO: That’s canon as far—as far as I’m concerned that’s canon.

IAIN: I think uh it would be best for everyone involved if they found out together, uh, because I think Runaan’s impulse would not be good immediately. I think like, when you spend so much time as an assassin and you drill into your head that the people that you’re meant to kill are not people, they’re the enemy right? Like I think that’s—sometimes that’s a thing he turns on to do the job and so on, but I do think that’s gonna bleed into his personality and it’s—you know, especially given his extremely recent history he’s not got the best feelings about humans. So I think it would inspire an immediate negative reaction in him that would not be pleasant for Callum and Rayla, but I think Ethari just has a much softer heart and that is where Rayla kind of got that side from. So I mean I’m not going to say that he would immediately—you know, they’ve been at war for hundreds and hundreds of years with humans and they’ve been told all through their history that humans committed the original sin of dark magic, et cetera et cetera, but like, I think it would take not that much time of seeing Rayla and Callum together for Ethari to see that there’s something there and then I think Ethari would have the ability to ah, to talk Runaan down pretty quick. But I also think that like, Runaan might not even show any of this, there might just be a kind of seething resentment that he’s not really talking about inside. Um unless it was like on the battlefield or something and he was like, “That’s a prince that I’m meant to kill” or something like that. But overall I think Ethari would sense that Runaan was not like—was not taking this well and they would be able to talk it through. At least that’s my gut.

DEVON: No, that sounds right (DEVON and IAIN laugh).

KUNO: I feel like poor Callum is just always on the edge of “Am I going to die tonight?” while he’s there, “Is this gonna be it?” Just gonna be like, “Oops sorry I had an accident—hey I had an accident in the middle of the night, you know, just a knife to the throat, that’s all”.

IAIN: I mean, he’s doing pretty well, like he said as they were about to meet Ethari and Rayla was like, “Remember Runaan?” He was like “Oh yeah, that guy who tried to kill me as soon as he met me? Cool guy”. Callum’s doing pretty well on the acceptance front these days.

DEVON: I do—

KUNO: Yeah.

DEVON: I do want to say that I think Ethari and Callum would get along really well because I think they both have sort of like a soft hearted friendliness to them that they would have a fun rapport. And that’s the sort of like “Trees to meet you” line is definitely supposed to be like—they’d you know, crack some goofy back and forths and I think that would soften Runaan too because he couldn’t ever hate someone that Ethari liked.

IAIN: Yeah, I think it’s a weird—

KUNO: Aww.

IAIN: —reversal where like Callum’s the one doing the dad jokes and Ethari’s like humoring them and Runaan’s like, “I don’t understand. Trees do not meet.”

DEVON: “Please stop saying ‘trees to meet you’.”

KUNO: Aw it never gets old. I love that. Um alright, Hailey, take it away. Your turn.

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[slashmebois]

Exhausted

“Hi !

If it's okay may I please have Bo sinclair x reader? Just reader been up for like two days straight because they're super busy but also super exhausted and they end up passing out? Like how would Bo react?” (Anon)

Oh my goodness, of course you can. Dirty garage man lives in my head rent free. Hope this is close-ish to what you were expecting Nonny!

Living in Ambrose was generally a quiet life, save for the occasional visitors. But even their noisy presence was quickly snuffed out and put on display. You had grown accustomed to the lazy days and the hard graft of luring people in and helping to move their bodies after Vincent or Bo dealt with them.

As much as you loved helping Bo with his passion project, it didn’t pay for the food on your table. There was a little money in visitor’s pockets here and there, but most people carried cards these days. So, when someone from your old life messaged with the offer of a paid remote research position you felt you would be an idiot to refuse. You just didn’t realise how much work it would be.

Bo had scrunched his nose up when you told him you needed to stay home for a week or two, and asked, “what’s wrong with the garage?”, but he hadn’t pushed you to come with him. Vincent was downstairs in the basement all day and Lester was waiting for hapless folks to show up, so your days were pretty lonely, but you told yourself that was good for your focus.

The first day went pretty well, you found what you thought were relevant articles and went into some critical evaluation before sending them over to the project manager. The second day got off to a worse start, your manager had sent the articles back telling you they were irrelevant because of something or other. You groaned in frustration and went about finding articles that fit their very niche description. From there on out it became a back and forth of you finding articles and evaluating them, and your manager being a hard-ass, or as you preferably thought of them A DICK. You were staying up later and later, eventually resulting in you forgoing sleep altogether. You would get in bed with Bo, using your crappy laptop, and as soon as he fell asleep you would sneak away to the kitchen table to continue your work.

Vincent was the first to notice your dark and baggy eyes, putting a hand on your shoulder one morning and cocking his head, “I’m fine Vinny, just not sleeping great, don’t worry”. He stood there a moment longer, looking uncertain before walking away to make breakfast, and you felt a pang of guilt. You weren’t exactly lying; you just didn’t want any of them to worry. They were all so good to you. And you knew that if Vincent got too worried, he would tell Bo, and that would not go well for sure.

Slowly but surely your manager started to give better responses to the articles you sent, and you breathed a sigh of relief. The nightmare was nearly over, you could start typing up the research into a document. With renewed inspiration and a lot of caffeine you set to work writing it up. Bo came home from work that evening and was surprised by you actually greeting him.

“You’re in a good mood y/n”

“Sure am, got a good chunk of work done. How about we celebrate on the weekend? Grab a couple beers, watch a trashy movie?”

His smile made your heart flutter, “I’d love that y/n. Don’t stay up too late now. Now come give your man a kiss”

You jump to your feet, tripping on the laptop cord in the process. You fall forwards and Bo catches you, smirking.

“You falling for me again baby?”

Your cheeks flush, “Always, you know me, just clumsy”

He grasps your hair and presses his lips to your head, inhaling, “For real, don’t stay up too late though, bed feels empty if I ain’t got you next to me. And well, feels like I’m waking up to an empty bed in the morning a lot recently.”

You smiled up at him, “I’ll be up as soon, promise”, Unfortunately, it was a promise you had to break.

Around 2am, your laptop cut out. The plug had pulled away from the wall when you tripped. But you hadn’t noticed.

You stared blankly at your reflection in the screen, numbness welling up inside you. When was the last time you saved? You couldn’t remember. What was the point? You put your heart and soul into it, but it was all crumbling to ash in your hands. You sat still as a rock for a moment before slowly raising yourself up and plugging your laptop back in. The rest of your night is spent catching up, as your eyes grow heavier and heavier.

A voice is calling you. You can hear it faintly as you monotonously type a letter at a time. It isn’t until a hand is waved in front of your face you blink back to reality and look up to a concerned looking Bo.

“Y/n. What the hell is wrong with you? I’ve been trying to get your attention for 5 minutes”

“Wha- Uh, sorry. Was really focused on this…um…this thing”

“I can tell, it was your turn to cook, remember?”

Your brain slowly ticks, as you look over to the clock. Fuck, he’s right. And you’re making him late for work.

“Oh god, Bo. I’m so sorry. I’ll just whip something up real-“

You feel your legs fall from under you as you stand and see Bo’s eyebrows knit together as he lurches towards you. And then your vision blurs out to black.

You feel very warm. It’s like there’s an all-encompassing glow surrounding you. You try to remember what came before but it’s just so comfortable here. You were at the kitchen table. And you were having breakfast? No. You fell and Bo…

You gasp awake, looking around to ascertain your surroundings. You’re in your bedroom, Bo’s metal band posters adorning the walls, and the little plants you keep on every surface. You also see Jonesy curled up on the bed, her ears perking up as she sees you rouse. You eyes come to rest on Bo who is sat on the edge of the bed staring at you.

“Hey Bo”

His lips firm up, before he lets out a sigh, “Hey.”, it’s short and curt. Fuck, he’s mad at you.

“I uh, I fell huh?”

“You could say that”

The silence is palpable.

“Look I’m real sor-“

“Don’t. You must have known you were being an idiot. I sure did. I thought you were just getting up earlier, getting less sleep. But fuck. You weren’t sleeping at all were you? All for what, some goddamn fucking job?!” His voice starts at a steady volume and rises.

You can feel yourself choking up, “It ain’t just some job. I, I just wanted to help. I thought if I made some money I could help out, get some groceries, cook a nice meal”

“WOULDN’T FUCKING MATTER IF YOU’RE DEAD Y/N” he yells, throwing his cap from his head across the floor, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW SCARED I WAS. I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKIN’ DEAD LIKE MAMA” he swipes angrily at his eyes, and his hoarse voice trembles out, “I don’t wanna lose the best thing to happen to me. Just please, we can handle money. I want you here with me, chatting shit with me in the garage, sharing dinner with all of us, cuddling up at the end of the day.” He faces away from you, and you can see the tension in his back.

You let the tears flow freely from your eyes, “I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll do better. I’ll set myself hours and stick to them. And if that’s not good enough, I’ll quit.” You kneel on the bed and reach your arms over his shoulders, he tenses a little more and then relaxes back into you. “I’ll be better Bo”, your hand comes to his face and he allows you to guide him to your lips. He kisses you deeply, reaching around to grab you tight.

This. This is where you belong. In Bo’s arms. Fuck everything else.

[love-fireflysong]

It be June 3rd now, and would you look at that, the second of my prompts is already up! Who’d a thunk it? Anyway, as successfully guessed by the lovely @torahime here is 5 + 1! And as by the nature of this trope in general, this one ended up long. Like crazy loooooooong. (Also I’m a moron who didn’t understand what the prompt meant for like a week. I kept trying to figure out what the hell the number six had to do with anything, and when I finally googled it out of desperation, all I saw were the words ‘five times’ in the first link and I immediately felt ashamed of myself. I should have known. Why didn’t I know?)

Anyways, you can read the long-ass fic in question at ao3 over here: Do You Ever Wonder What Could Have Been? You can also read this one under the cut, but considering the length I wouldn’t recommend it asdhaskdjh The next one should be much shorter due to the fact that like the first one, I blanked for ideas completely lol.

Do You Ever Wonder What Could Have Been?

Trope: 5 + 1 Fandom: Until Dawn Characters: Ashley Brown, Chris Hartley, Josh Washington (all the other kids also make an appearance but due to them only having like one scene and a single line each I’m not tagging them) Words: 12733 Rating: Teen (though I think I’m being pretty damn generous with that rating tbh) Authors Notes: Yes you’re reading that word count right. Almost thirteen thousand words. Don’t ask how I managed to write this in 5 days, I have no fucking idea. Just take this fic about two nerds being morons in love and mutually pining over each other for six. fucking. years.

Chris is fourteen and so goddamn tired of this stupid crush on his best friend. It's been a whole year now since he met her, and he hates that this stupid, silly, little, crush of his hasn't abated at all. He doesn't even know why he likes her in the first place! It's just Ashley after all, there is absolutely no reason to feel this tongue-tied around his best friend. It's Ash: with her braces, arms always full books (when her head wasn't buried in one that is), stringy red hair, wide green eyes, who sometimes snorts when he tells a joke, freckles that dot her nose and shoulders and—

Okay, he was maybe getting a little side-tracked here. The point was, there was 100% absolutely no reason to feel this way about her. In fact, he bets this was all Josh's fault in the first place! Yeah! That was it! None of this would be happening if Josh hadn't basically kidnapped Ashley from her true home in the library and forced him to meet her! 

...But then he wouldn't have met her. And stupid crush aside, she is pretty much the only girl he knows who laughs at all his jokes and helps him with his English homework sometimes. He likes knowing her and likes being her friend even more, he just doesn't like liking her. And maybe that was it? Maybe he just likes Ashley cause she's the only girl who willingly hangs out with him and Josh, and isn't Josh's sisters. 

And that's what he's going to prove today once and for all. He heard from Josh that Hannah was absolutely adamant that everyone was going to play spin-the-bottle at her and Beth's birthday party in a couple of days. And that everyone meant not only the people that the twins invited for said party, but also the people that Josh invited over (ie: Chris and Ash) so he would have some company during the twins big b-day bash. Chris was going to find Ashley and explain that losing their first kiss over a game like spin-the-bottle was just so not cool, and that maybe kissing each other first would just be a way better and smarter idea of doing things. And once he kissed her he would finally realize that yup, Ash was just one of the guys and that was so fucking gross and they were totally never ever going to do that again.

Perfect idea. Fool proof even. No way that this was totally going to backfire into his face. Absolutely none at all!

So when he finds Ashley sitting and reading under her usual tree just outside of the school, he is so sure of the success of his ingenious plan that he brings it up right away. 

"I think we should kiss before Hannah and Beth's party."

See! Right away! Straight to the point. He has got this shit in the bag baby!

Ashley looks up at him, clearly a little startled from reading her book and squints at him. "Huh? Chris? Is that you?" For a second he's a little confused about how Ash doesn't even recognize him, but then he quickly realizes that he's probably got the sun directly at his back so she can't see him clearly and he awkwardly shuffles to the left a little so she can see him better. "Oh! Hey Chris, what was that you said earlier? I got so absorbed that I didn't really hear a thing you said, sorry." While she doesn't close her book, she does give an embarrassed little laugh that makes his stomach flip-flop just a little and starts to weaken at the cracks of his once fool-proof plan.

He finds himself messing with the strap on his bookbag as he tries to ignore the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. 'Um, I asked if you were going to the twins' birthday party this weekend." Okay, falling a little behind schedule now, but it's fine. No problem.

"I mean, I wasn't exactly invited, but yeah. A whole night of graphic horror movies to drown out the sounds of screaming pre-teens. I honestly can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday night." The absolute dryness of her tone has Chris smiling.

"Oh come on Ash, it's not gonna be that bad."

"Our choices are either to hang out with a bunch of kids who have basically never talked to us ever, or watch Josh's disgusting horror movies Chris."

"Well, I mean, when you put it that way...actually, no. The screaming pre-teens sound like a safer bet honestly." The little snort of laughter she lets out only has Chris pushing the butterflies down harder. God, he is going to be so glad when those stupid things finally leave him alone. "And well, from what Josh said, it sounds like horror isn't the only thing planned for that evening."

"It isn't? You mean he's actually opening up to other movie genre options? Shocking. I truly never thought I would see the day."

"Ha, I wish. Nah, I was, um, talking about what the girls—well, what Hannah wanted to play. Actually." Great. And now he's starting to blush. Really keeping with the rails of his plan there!

"What Hannah...? Oh! You're, uh, talking about the spin-the-bottle game." Ashley brings her lower lip into her mouth and pushes some hair behind her ear. "Yeah, Josh mentioned something about that."

Perfect, one less thing he had to explain. That would speed things up immensely. "Honestly, between you and me? I think it's a stupid idea."

Ashley nods her head vigorously in agreement. "I know right! I mean, who wants to kiss some stranger over a bottle of all things? Can you imagine losing your first kiss to some person who probably doesn't have a single idea who you are in the first place? God that would be awful." Oh man, things are lining up right for him! Ashley's even on the same page and this next part is going to be so easy— "That's why I asked Josh if I could kiss him first instead when he told me a couple of days ago."

Wait. Waitwaitwait wait . She already asked Josh?! "Oh, wow. You were, uh, really thinking ahead there huh?" God, he could feel every ounce of determination he had slowly deflating out of his body. There was no way he could ask her now, absolutely no way! Ashley was gonna think that Chris wanted to kiss her—or worse, liked her! And okay he kind of did, but this was supposed to prove the exact opposite. That this was just stupid hormones and puberty really messing with his life and not something else.

"Of course, there was absolutely no way I was gonna have my first kiss with some popular buttface who was just gonna make fun of me behind my back afterwards. Better to have it with Josh, who would also make fun of me, but at least it would be to my face." Ashley starts to return to her book, flipping a page but stops halfway through. "Wait. Were you going to ask me the same thing?" She sounds a little unsure and a little of something else he can't place right now because he's too busy trying not to panic. 

"What? No! God no! Of-of course not!" Oh god, was his voice seriously choosing to crack now? He really, really hoped that the shade being cast from the tree was enough to hide how red his face was. He needed to get out of here and quick .

"I-I-I mean, it's not like it was good or anything—"

"Think I should probably go now anyway."

"It was, like, really wet and-and-and like so bad. Super awkward honestly."

"Lots of things to do. Lots and lots of things to do in fact!"

"I mean, we could still, uh, k-k-kiss? If you want to...?"

"Nope!" Chris was honestly looking everywhere except at Ashley right now, which was fine because she was currently in the middle of trying to hide behind her book. "There's absolutely no reason to do that. Because, because... I already kissed Josh too!"

"...you did?"

"Yup! Totally did. Just came over to see what you had planned to do about it actually. And because you're so much smarter than me, you had totally already done the same thing. So no reason for me to still bother you after all! None whatsoever! So I'll just let you get back to your book. And the battle between the uh, vampire and the, um, cowboy? Riveting stuff I bet."

"Um, yeah. But—"

"I'll just, uh, see you tomorrow then, I guess. Bye!"

Chris thinks he catches a wave of disappointment flash across her face when she returns his farewell, but he's already basically fled half away across the yard to find Josh so he doesn't think about it too much. And it turns out that Ashley is right, kissing Josh is wet and pretty fucking awful in the end. Which should only prove his idea that kissing her would have been just as bad and awkward.

So why does he feel like it would have actually been the complete opposite?

"I'm going to fail."

Ashley rolled her eyes as she struggled not to laugh. "Oh my god, you're not gonna fail Chris."

Chris didn't even deign to raise his head from where he had face-planted it into the open book only moments before, letting his words come out muffled and flat. "I am Ash. I am going to bomb this exam so hard that they're gonna make me repeat ninth grade."

Ashley groaned, but it was more of an attempt to hide her amusement than out of any exasperation, as she tried to lift Chris back into a sitting position and wasn't laid out prostrated over the table. "Okay first of all, get your dumb face out of that book. Ms. Norman is not gonna be happy with either of us if she discovers your drool all over the pages of the only half-decent copy of Lord of the Flies that the school library has." Once she finally has finally managed to prop Chris into a halfway decent sitting position, she moves the book closer to her in case he decides to try smashing his face into it again. "Second of all, I'm pretty sure that the school's not going to make you repeat the grade just because you failed English, your grades in everything else are high enough that they'll definitely pass you. That, and there is no way that the teachers would let Josh move on to high school of all things without supervision."

"...That is a scarily good point."

"And thirdly, there is absolutely no way I would be able to get through the next four years of school with you in my grade," she teases him with a poke in the arm. "I mean can you imagine? Having to go to class everyday knowing you're going to be there with me? I can't think of anything more terrifying honestly."

Chris gives a startled laugh. "Gee, thanks Ash. Really appreciate that vote of confidence. Making my self-esteem soar over here. And also, I for one can think of something way more terrifying."

"Really?" Ashley says as she crosses her arms across her chest and levels him with a disbelieving look. "Well go on then, try me. Cause I can promise you that there is absolutely nothing more terrifying—"

"Me and Josh in the same grade as you."

Ashley just blanches. "Oh god. You're right. That is so much worse and the idea of this even happening is now going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life."

"Oh please, it wouldn't be that bad."

"It would. It so would. And to prevent this we need to double down on you studying for your English final so that this cataclysmic event never occurs."

It's Chris's turn to roll his eyes as he slumps down even further into his seat. "That's what I was doing earlier until you stopped me."

"What? Planting your face into the middle of the book?"

"Exactly. Decided to try out a new method cause the other one wasn't certainly working. Learning by osmosis."

Ashley shoves her face into the palms of her hands to try and stop her giggles. It didn't work, not by a long shot, but it at least smothered them a bit. "You can't just read a book by trying to absorb it into your skin, that's not how things work at all!"

"And how would you know that Ash? Have you ever even tried?" Chris scoffs.

"Of course I haven't you dork! I haven't tried because that's not even possible!"

 "Um, sounds to me like someone just isn't open to new ideas."

"Oh my god. Can we please get back to studying and making sure you don't fail. I for one would really like to get back to that." Ashley starts to put the copy of the book back between the middle of them where they can both read it easily. "Okay, so chapter eight is where the divide between the boys finally reaches a boiling point after seeing the 'monster' on the mountain in the last chapter. They argue over whether Ralph should still be left in charge and Jack leaves in a huff."

Chris groaned as he tossed his glasses onto the table so he could throw his arm over his eyes. "Starting to think that Jack has the right idea here." he grumbled.

Ashley ignored him. "Some of the other boys follow after him and form their own tribe with Jack as its chief further down the beach. As a group, the hunters then fall into a savage frenzy when they go hunting and kill a sow, with Roger dealing the killing blow."

"By driving his spear into the thing’s ass," Chris helpfully supplied.

Ashley sighed. "Yes, by doing that. Good to know you're at least remembering some things, but do you remember what happened next?"

Though she couldn't see with Chris's arm in the way, she knew that he was narrowing his eyes in concentration. "Ummm, they... eat the pig?"

Ashley groaned and fought very hard against the impulse to smack her forehead into the center of the table. " Chris . "

"What? Do they not eat the thing? I mean, why even hunt it if they're not gonna eat it?"

"Chris, what they do next is the lead up for what is often considered the most important scene in the entire book! How can you not remember?!"

"I don't know Ash! Kind of think I was distracted by the whole 'shoving a spear into a sow's anus' part!"

"They leave its head on a stake in the jungle as an offering to the beast! This is what creates the Lord of the Flies that Simon sees later that night!"

"Oh right, that. Yeah that sounds a little familiar now that you mention it."

"A little—" Ashley stops fighting against the earlier urge and places her heavy head into her hands in despair. "You literally had to read this book last month! How could you have forgotten so much already?"

Chris groans and drapes himself over the back of his chair. "This is hopeless Ash. I appreciate the help I really do, but I think it's time we face the inevitable and just take a page out of this book."

"What, I stick your head on a pike and be done with you?"

The snort that Chris makes in surprise is enough to bring a tired smile to Ashley's face. "Leaving you to deal with Josh alone? Ha, you wouldn't. Nah, I was talking about just making an offering to the exam gods out there. Think they'll be the best bet I have to pass this shitty ass final."

Ashley removes her head from her hands to give him a withering look. "If we're going that route, you want a kiss for good luck too? Probably work just as well as those gods of yours."

There's an awkward pause, and at first Ashley can't figure out why but then the words finally hit her. She feels her face start to burn and she places her head back into her hands so she doesn't have to look at Chris anymore. Oh god, she can't believe she just said that. Why would she even say that in the first place?! It's a damn good thing that Chris isn't wearing his glasses right now, the heat from her face alone is making her feel like she's about to combust as it is, and him seeing that would probably push her over that physical boundary.

"I-I mean, if you think it will help..." Chris sounds almost bashful when he says it and Ashley snaps her head to him in shock.

"I—" Ashley isn't quite sure what she's trying to say, and is interrupted when her phone buzzes with an incoming text message. She immediately jumps up from her chair and starts grabbing at her things. "Oh man, that's probably my mom here to pick me up. I should really get going."

"Uh, yeah. Yeah! No reason for me to stay if you aren't so I guess I should head out too." Chris starts picking up his stuff too, putting his glasses back onto his face as he shoves his books into his bag.

By nature of having brought less than Chris to help him study, Ashley finishes cleaning first but doesn't leave right away. Chris had said it was fine after all. And sure, maybe he was just desperate for anything that will help him pass his final, but he said it would be fine. So steeling herself, Ashley leans down and leaves a quick but chaste kiss on Chris's cheek.

"For luck!" She manages to squeak out as she all but runs out the doors of the library to the school's entrance where her mom will be waiting for her, too scared to even look back. 

Chris should have known that something was up the moment Josh brought it up: 'Hey, how about you and Ash hang out at my house this weekend instead?' Innocent sounding sure, but he really, really should have known better. Josh never pushed for hang outs at his place, it had always been an agreed upon rule that Hannah and Beth got their place, while Josh preferred to host their get togethers and his and Ash's own houses. It was just the thing that was done and everyone had been more than happy with how it was. Had it been any other time, Chris would like to think that he would have totally seen right through Josh's plan and offered up his place instead.

But Josh's parents were almost never around either, and that meant staying up late and talking and goofing around without parents warning them to go to sleep. Which most importantly meant staying up late and talking to Ashley, because that hadn't been a thing that the three of them had been able to do a whole lot recently. It was still so weird not seeing Ash around in the school halls, not being able to hang out at lunch, and not meeting up after school all the time. It felt like there was something huge missing and it bothered him (just as much as it bothered Josh, not that he would ever say anything about it). The two of them wandering the hallowed halls of high school while she was still stuck back in their middle school just felt so wrong .

So when Josh had brought up a weekend hang out, Chris (and Ashley) had accepted right away. Which, judging from the fact that Josh had somehow managed to weasel the two of them into playing a game of Truth or Dare with him, had been a huge mistake.

"Well, well, well. It seems the time has come. So let's get on with it shall we?" Josh rubbed his hands gleefully together in the dim light of the bedroom (for atmosphere he had claimed) as the three of them sat in a circle. A seemingly innocuous plate of cookies sitting in the middle of them, and knowing better then to trust Josh, both Chris and Ash had been eyeing the cookies warily for the past few minutes. Not that Josh seemed to notice or care of course. "Seeing as I'm the one who set up elegant little ritual—"

"You forced us into playing a stupid game dude, there's nothing elegant or ritualistic about it."

Josh ignored him, unsurprisingly. "I'll go first of course. So Ash, truth or dare?"

"What are the cookies for Josh?" Ashley asked nervously as she continued to eye the plate instead of answering him.

"That's not important. And anyways, it's my turn Ash. So I'll ask again: truth or dare Ashley?"

Ashley raised her eyes from the plate to transfer her nervous and mistrustful stare to him. "...truth," she answered slowly.

"Oh ho ho! So truth it is! Well then Ash, tell me: have you got any secrets you've been dying to share with us?"

Chris could immediately tell that the question had hit a sore spot on some sort, shoulders locked and her body stiff. "You know I'm not gonna answer that one. Pass."

Josh shook his head, a devious smile on his lips. "Nope. Nuh uh Miss Brown. That's not how this game works. If you're gonna pass then I'm gonna have to ask that you take a cookie in return."

"...I'm sorry, what? "

He waved a hand down towards the plate of cookies. "These, my dearest chums, are the fabled Truth or Dare cookies. Anytime one of us refuses to act out what is asked of us, we must then take a cookie in penance."

At first, Ashley doesn't move. She continues to dart her eyes suspiciously between Josh and the plate of cookies, but eventually slowly does reach out and hesitantly grab a chocolate cookie from the plate. She holds it up closer to her face to investigate it further, and Chris watches as all the tension she had stored up just evaporates from her as she physically deflates. "Oh my god, are you actually being serious right now Josh? ‘Dare’ brand cookies? Really? Why in the world are you trying to be so ominous when you went with a pun as lame as using Dare cookies in a game of truth or dare?"

"Wait, really?" Chris reaches out to grab one for himself but Josh smacks his hand away with a grin. 

"So sorry Cochise, but these are only for if you refuse. And trust me, you don't want to refuse." Josh turns back to Ashley. "Oh, and don't eat that just yet." 

In response, she just shrugs and leans back, but keeps the chocolate crème filled cookie in her hand as she looks between Chris and Josh. "It's my turn now, right? Okay, so—"

Josh cuts her off. "Nope, still mine. Now, Chris—"

"What? That's not how this stupid game works Josh!"

Josh waves her off. "You didn't answer my question Ash, or eat the cookie, so it's still my turn."

"But you just told me not to eat the stupid thing!"

Josh ignores her as he keeps his attention squarely on Chris. Who, to his own shame, has begun squirming in his seat in dread of what's going to come. "Well, Chris: truth or dare?"

Chris tosses the options over in his head. Both are terrible obviously, but playing this game with Josh of all people never ends well, so he decides to go with his gut instead. "Dare."

"Ooooh, feeling a little gutsy are we? That's fine, I can work with that. I dare you to... return the favour and do one thing you've been thinking about alllllllll summer."

Personally, Chris is finding it a miracle that he hasn't reached over and tried to strangle Josh yet, but he has a feeling that has more to do with the fact that he's trying not to shrivel up on the floor and die than out of any mercy. Even though Josh for some reason worded it in a really convoluted way, he just literally dared him to kiss Ash. It was so obvious that he was frankly amazed that Ashley hadn't figured it out yet.

Because of course he still thought about that kiss for good luck that Ash had given him in the library. He thought about it nearly all the damn time! Hell, Chris was pretty sure that the reason he had even passed his final even a little bit was because of the kiss. Not because it was good luck or anything, but because whenever a question appeared on the exam that asked about the themes or some shit about Lord of the Flies, he kept getting sent back into that library where Ashley had been drilling the same stuff into him just before she had kissed his cheek.

And there is absolutely no way that he's gonna kiss Ash in Josh's bedroom. No way in hell. Especially not when it's gonna reveal that he had been thinking about what was more than likely a super innocent and helpful gesture on her part.

So glaring at Josh, Chris reaches forward and without a word grabs a vanilla cookie. And for some strange reason, this only causes Josh's smile to widen. "I see, so that's what you both went with huh? Anyways, I think it's about time you take your 'reward' and chow down!"

Exchanging a confused look with Ashley, Chris nonetheless shrugs and pops the entire thing into his mouth and bites down.

And realizes in a horrifying instant that this is not a vanilla cookie.

There's a flash of light that blinds him for a second, and when the spots clear he sees Josh holding a camera and laughing his ass off.

"What the—? Is this fucking mayo dude?!" And it must be, because this is not what a vanilla cookie should ever taste like. While the cookie portion itself is okay if not a little soft, the crème is way too oily and eggy to be anything but mayo. Josh doesn't answer his question right away, but that's from a combo of laughing way too hard and being distracted by Ash trying not to retch in the middle of the bedroom floor.

"Oh my god! You put soy sauce in a cookie?! What is wrong with you Josh?!" She's up in a second and rushing to the garbage can near Josh's desk, and Chris is quick to join her in trying to spit everything out. "I'm never going to get this salt out of my mouth! Why would you even do that?!"

"Cause it's fucking hilarious that's why!" Josh is still laughing as he takes a look at the picture he took on the camera, and starts laughing harder. "Oh fucking hell, this was glorious. Oh wasting those two questions just for this picture was so worth it. Best decision I could have made!

"Now you two get your asses back over here! I spent hours on these cookies after all, and I am not letting them go to waste. We've got hours my friends, and so many questions and dares to get through."

Chris shares a look with Ashley over the garbage bin, both of them now obviously wondering if keeping their own secret had been worth having to eat those cookies, and if they still would have passed their turn knowing what exactly laid in store for them. While he certainly couldn't say a thing about her, Chris wasn't so sure if not kissing Ash and enduring all the fallout that would have resulted in was worth the terrible combination of vanilla and mayo in his mouth. He supposed he would never know, it was too late to simply retract his pass after all.

And well, he really didn't want to kiss Ash when she had just been tricked into eating a bunch of soy sauce.

You know, Ashley kind of figured that once she entered high school all of these stupid games would be done with. Surely high schoolers were too mature and too old to be playing childish games like spin-the-bottle or seven minutes in heaven? And yeah, obviously Chris and Josh weren't, but that was them and they were in a class all their own. But Hannah? And Sam and Beth? She would have thought that they were way too cool to be playing spin-the-bottle of all things, especially Beth.

And yet, here Ashley was: squeezed in between Matt and Sam as Matt spun the bottle around on the now extremely sticky hardwood floor. She wasn't stupid, she knew the entire reason the game was even being played in the first place; Hannah had been making eyes at Mike all through the evening and well into the game after all. She just didn't think that anyone else would have been stupid enough to go along with the game when Hannah suggested it. 

(Ashley knew very well why she had reluctantly agreed to play, she just didn't know why anyone else did.)

Though to be fair, it didn't seem like the game was gonna last much longer anyway. Emily and Jess had started scrolling through their phones ages ago, showing each other whatever was on the other's screen every few minutes and the two of them laughing. Mike had been tapping a really off-rhythm beat on his jeans with the straw from his can of soda and staring into space, while Hannah stared lovesick at him . Beth was starting to doze on Sam's shoulder, not that either seemed too concerned about it, and Sam was nervously eyeing all the spilt pop and chips around them that they were gonna have to clean up before they went to bed. Unsurprisingly, Chris was also scrolling through his phone, snickering every now and then as Ashley felt her phone buzz in the pocket of her hoodie whenever he sent whatever it was that he found funny to her and Josh. Josh meanwhile, had joined Matt in building a rather shaky—if not impressive—tower out of discarded plastic cups, straws, and paper plates.

Ashley yawned behind her hand as the bottle slowed it's spin. She had been ready to drop out of the game a round or two back, but hadn't yet because she didn't want to deal with the others teasing her on being a sore loser who backs down the moment the bottle didn't land on the person she wanted it to. Which would lead to Chris asking who it was even though everyone else already knew who because it was glaringly obvious to everyone except him. The sound of the bottle stopping its spin managed to get everyone's attention as they looked at the neck of the bottle pointed squarely at Mike. 

Everyone made the expected ' oooooooh ' and wolf whistles that everyone always did in this game, though quieter than they might have usually. Bob and Melinda were sleeping upstairs after all, and the last thing any of them wanted to do was wake them up and have them discover that despite it being nearly three in the morning, that the ten of them were still awake as the snow storm raged outside the lodge. Nonetheless, Matt and Mike both rolled their eyes and leaned over Josh who sat in the middle of them with a groan. Mike also didn't hesitate to take Matt's face into his hands and just plant one firmly on his mouth with no fanfare, other than the continued wolf whistles of course, and the two of them settled back down to their previous antics. 

With that done, Ashley stared down nervously at the bottle. Once again, she felt the words stick in her throat. It would just be so easy to say "Oh man you guys, it's really late, I should really just go to bed" but let them die without a fight as she swallowed nervously and gave the bottle a hard flick. She knew exactly why she let the words die, and it wasn't solely because of what the others would say, though that was certainly a large part of it. No, it was because of the same glimmer of hope that sparked in her everytime it was her turn at this stupid game. That maybe this would be the time that the bottle would land on Chris, that she would finally get that kiss she's wanted for three years now.

She watches the bottle spin around the group, slowing its motion every full spin, and she notices that Chris has turned his attention away from his phone to watch it almost as nervously as she is. Which should probably make her question just why Chris is as just as invested on who it's gonna land on as she is, but she's kind of distracted right now by the fact that her heart is rapidly picking up pace in direct contrast to how much slower the bottle is getting. And feels it stop almost entirely when the bottle begins its last revolution and she knows. She knows . It's finally gonna land on Chris. All these years of playing this stupid, stupid game and it's finally happening.  

Ashley's eyes shoot up to meet Chris's over the bottle, but that's also when the lodge suddenly plunges into darkness just before the bottle stops on him.

Immediately, the others are screaming next to her and the tower of cups and plates fall with a soft clatter.

"Oh my god! What the fuck was that?!"

"Holy fuck! Can you guys see anything?"

"Of course we can't see anything Michael!"

"It's probably just the storm you guys. Settle down."

"Can you guys please quiet down? My parents are sleeping and they're gonna kill us if they find out we're still awake."

Ashley isn't yelling though, because she's too busy screaming internally. There is no way that this is actually happening right now. There is no goddamn way. The bottle finally lands on Chris and the power goes out? Because of some stupid storm? She wanted to scream. She has half a mind to reach out and hold the bottle in place so there's proof of this when the power comes on, or to just jump over the distance and kiss Chris anyway. She knows exactly where he is after all, and he must have seen it land on him. He must have, right? It's that little second of uncertainty that decides for her, there's a sound as someone gets up and the flat 'thunk' as they accidentally kick the bottle across the room.

"Shit. My bad. You guys stay here, I'll go and check out the back-up generator in the basement. You coming, Cochise?"

Ashley can hear Chris awkwardly and quickly getting to his feet. "Um, y-yeah. Right behind you, bro."

The two of them walk away leaving Ashley to sit on the floor about to scream from the frustration of it all. And she does scream that it is, though not from almost having the perfect excuse to kiss Chris, but from someone touching her shoulder.

"Sorry, sorry!" Sam apologizes. "You were so quiet Ashley that I got nervous. I know that you're scared of the dark and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Oh, yeah. That's right. She was so preoccupied with the dark ruining what was almost going to be the highlight of her entire year , that she kind of forgot that it was, well, dark now. And once that realization hits her, so too does the fear that she's sitting in absolute darkness and can't see a single thing other than the lights being cast from everyone’s phones. That she has no idea what else—or who else—is out there. She frantically reaches out and wraps up Sam's arm in her own for a physical reminder that there is someone else she trusts in the darkness with her.

"Wait, you're scared of the dark Ash? Shit. Here, just give me a second." From next to her, Matt rustles in his jacket pocket and brings out his phone, turning it on and casting light around the room, and reflecting off the plastic bottle that Josh had accidentally kicked to the other side of the room. "Hope this helps a bit."

Ashley lets out a breath and a small smile. "Yeah, it does. Thanks Matt."

"No problem. Hey, I think I may have a funny video saved on here somewhere. Pretty sure I downloaded it so just give me a moment." He finds the video quickly enough, and while Ashley doesn't find it particularly as funny as he clearly did, she does appreciate the effort anyway.

Thankfully for everyone, the lights come back on soon enough. Though whether from the power coming back or the back-up generator activating, she isn't sure. It is enough to convince everyone that maybe it's time for bed though, and no one asks about her spin and who it landed on, which Ashley is both insulted for and thankful of in equal measure. Sam unfortunately reminds everyone of the mess they've all made of the great room though, and that they should all clean it up before Bob and Melinda wake up and find it, which Hannah and Beth eagerly echo, and so does Josh when he makes his way back up from the basement with scowling Chris in tow.

Thankfully, between the ten of them, the clean up takes very little time and they're all on their way back to their own rooms in record time, even if Ashley was too embarrassed to even look at Chris now. God, she couldn't believe that she had seriously considered jumping him! And for what? Just because some bottle told her to? Oh man, she never would have been able to live that down. She still spends more time then needed to get ready in the bathroom, and then laying in bed with her lamp on in the hopes that maybe Chris will knock on her door to confront her about the spin and ask for that kiss.

While the fact that he doesn't make an appearance doesn't surprise her, it's still a little depressing. 

Chris is going to kill Josh. He is going to kill him . And he means it this time. Years spent watching Josh's horror shit and listening to Ash go on and on about her mystery novels should have given him a real edge actually. He can murder Josh violently in the way that the weirdo would probably like to go and then Ash can help him get rid of the body so that no one will ever know it was him. Easy.

You know, assuming Ashley is still gonna want to even associate with him after this.

"You feeling okay, Chris? You're starting to look a little red... and surly."

"Yup, I'm fine. Just peachy in fact." Chris takes another swig of the punch that has somehow not been spiked yet, and tries to plaster a smile on his face for her only to once again start looking over her shoulder. Not that there's anything interesting over her shoulder of course, unless one finds a group of football seniors trying to play a game of chicken in the middle of the dance hall interesting, but it's easier than looking straight at her. Not because she looks terrible of course—good god is that not the reason—but because she is way too fucking gorgeous for him to handle right now.

When Chris had decided to invite her to his and Josh's grad thing, it had just been a way for all three of them to hang out and enjoy their last year of high school together. School rules dictated after all that for some stupid reason, graduates weren't allowed to invite anyone who wasn't in school anymore so Ash wasn't going to be able to ask them to hers next year. Which was complete and utter bullshit of course, but that was beside the point. It was supposed to be a fun night... and then Chris's parents found out. And being the complete pain in the asses they are, they insisted that if Ash was going to this party with them, and it was a formal party, then they needed to make this proper. So against his wishes and leaving Chris wanting to die, they went and found out what colour of dress Ash was going to be wearing and got him not only a matching tie but a fucking corsage to go with it! The only thing that had made all of that even a little better, was that they had forced Josh to go along with it so at least he wouldn't be alone. 

But then Josh had showed up not wearing his stupid tie and without the fucking flowers. And despite Chris's repeated protests that he didn't want to do the whole matching thing, especially if Josh wasn't doing it, his parents still made him do it anyway, saying all the while that 'it would make Ashley happy, you do want to make Ashley happy don't you?' And now here he was, sitting with Ashley at their table while she wore his stupid flowers on her wrist and his tie matched her green dress.

He hated how fucking obvious his crush was s0 much.

"...It's because of what everyone's been saying isn't it?"

At the dejected tone of her voice, Chris immediately snaps his full attention to her, leaving his glass of punch forgotten as he flaps his hands around in an effort to not reach out and grab at her hand. "What? No! God no! That isn't it I swear!"

Ashley sighs sadly as she looks glumly down at her lap. "It's fine Chris. I can understand if it's making you uncomfortable."

Chris takes one of his ineffectually flapping hands and makes to run it through his hair, before remembering the amount of gel he had put in it before coming and rubs at his eyes beneath his glasses. "I'm serious Ash, that's not it. I was honestly just thinking about the different ways I'm going to murder Josh when he gets back."

She laughs a little at that, and turns to look out into the direction of the buffet table, as though she'll be able to see Josh coming back with their food through the literal sea of people. "He has been gone a while hasn't he? He left like twenty minutes ago and he still isn't back. Do you think he even went to the buffet table in the first place?"

"He better have. Him coming back with food is probably about the only thing that's going to stop me from murdering him honestly."

Ashley laughs a little louder, and when she pushes a stray strand of hair that had come undone from her simply styled updo, Chris catches the while flowers on her wrist and feels his stomach flip pleasantly. "Any particular reason you want to kill Josh this time?"

"I mean, I have plenty but let's just be honest with ourselves here: do either of us ever need a reason to wanna kill Josh, Ash?"

And there it is, the surprised snort he was waiting for and that just made this entire evening a little more bearable. "God, you're not wrong." She follows his eye line to the corsage on her wrist and just like that all levity to the situation is gone as she hides her hands back in her lap under the table. "...you're sure that you're okay with what everyone is saying though?" she asks a little nervously.

Honestly? No, he isn't. Ever since the three of them walked into the party, everyone they had talked to right away had noticed the matching colours and the corsage and all comments had been the same. 'Fucking knew that there was something going on between you two' and 'Hey, it's about fucking time' or 'Always knew that you two would be good together'. It had been bad enough realizing that apparently almost everyone he had ever spoken to even a little bit had known of his super obvious feelings for his best friend, but the absolute worst thing had been the pained but polite smile that Ash had forced onto her face every single time.

"Honestly, I'm never going to see most of these people ever again once I graduate." He's avoiding the question, and he knows that she knows that he's avoiding the question. "But you're probably gonna have to deal with people brining this stupid thing up for the entire next year. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's not like this is something I don't deal with already." She says it with a little shrug and smile, but Chris can feel his heart sink anyway. How long has she had to deal with the bullshit that his stupid crush has caused her, and why had she never told him? It's way too late to try and fix things, but he can at least hopefully try and stop any further comments from coming, so he lets his fingers fly to his tie and starts to frantically undo it. "...What are you doing Chris?"

"Wondering why on earth I let my parents talk me into this. This is obviously making you uncomfortable and I should have taken this stupid thing off ages ago." His fingers keep catching on the knot and he lets out a fairly explicit curse under his breath.

Ashley's eyes go wide with realization. "Oh!" She instantly flips over her wrist and starts fumbling at the clasp of the corsage with her other hand and Chris finds that his heart has somehow managed to travel all the way from the bottom of his stomach straight into his throat. Abandoning his only partially undone tie, he lays his hand on hers to stop her.

"You don't have to do that." She's staring at their hands in wide-eyed shock, and his breath catches. "Not if you don't want to, that is. It-it looks good on you."

"Okay," she whispers softly, eyes still wide as her fingers leave her wrist, "I can leave it on."

"Only if you want to though." When the hell did his mouth get so dry?!  

"I do," she looks up to him when she says it, and the earnestness of her smile bowls him over. "I really, really do." In an effort to try and distract himself from her smile, he starts fumbling at his tie once again and he catches her eyes flickering to it. Ashley's smile somehow only brightens as she laughs at him. "Here. Let me give you a hand with that."

She scoots her chair closer to him and he removes his hands from his tie so she can take over. The two of them say nothing as she places all of her attention on continuing to loosen the knot, while Chris tries his absolute hardest not to swallow...or breathe...or do anything at all really, as he just stares down at her in awe.

Once the knot is finally undone, Ashley slowly pulls the entire length of fabric from his neck and places it on the table, before putting her hands back where they were so she can carefully smooth out his shirt collar. And when she looks back up at him with a smile, he can feel the entire world stop as they just stare at each other and Chris slowly starts to close the infinitesimally small distance between them. And he's probably just imagining things, but he thinks that she's doing the same thing as well.

"Jesus Christ, sorry it took so long you guys. Line for the fucking food was longer then you would believe!"

The two of them fly apart so fiercely, that Chris's entire chair manages to tip over backwards and send him to the ground with a loud clatter. He can feel everyone's eyes on them and the murmurs that follow, and he hopes that they're mistaking the redness of his face for the embarrassment of falling out of his chair. Yeah, that's a story that's going to make the rounds before he graduates for sure.

"Shit, you okay bro?" From his spot on the floor, Chris watches Josh place a couple of plates absolutely piled high in food on the table and reach down to help him up with a laugh. "Oh hey, I see you finally decided to take off that stupid tie too. Surprised it took you this long honestly."

Chris accepts Josh's hand up. "Yup, me too." He hopes and prays that Josh just thinks that the absolutely breathless and stunted quality to his words is that he's just a little winded from the fall. Once he gets his chair back up and sits back down, he grabs at the tie to shove it in his pocket. He notices that Ashley is refusing to look at him as she digs out a couple of sandwiches from the miscellaneous pile of food, even as she fiddles with the strap of flowers on her wrist for the rest of the meal.

He's exceptionally thrilled to note that she does keep the corsage on the rest of the night though.

Five times. That's how many times her phone has gone off in her pocket. Five. Times. And every single time Ashley lets out a sigh of relief when the buzzing finally stops, it goes off again only seconds later. And checking the caller id the first couple of times only showed that it was Josh calling her. Normally Ashley liked to think that she would have answered her phone if it was literally anyone else, but this was Josh. He called for every little thing after all; from letting her know that he saw a super big dog on the way home from classes to informing her that he was out of chips and if Ash could pick some up on her way to meet them from her job then that would really just be swell. And considering that he and Chris were supposed to meet her and grab a bite to eat together while she was on her lunch break, he was probably just calling to let her know that they had just left, and to make a milestone out of every block closer the two of them got so she could greet them with all the pomp and circumstance he likely thought he deserved. 

Though to be fair she probably would have answered her phone after the third ring, if only to tell him off, but Jared had been giving her a stink eye from his office pretty much since she had arrived so she hadn't.

So she let it buzz...and buzz...and buzz. Until finally, her phone stopped yet again and she tensed her shoulders ready for the next round of vibrations to start. But there was nothing. Nothing but blissful silence coming from her pocket and she let out a huge sigh of relief as Ashley got back to work shelving some of the new stock, letting Kyrstin and Curtis deal with the short line of customers that had begun to form as they bought their books and whatever little trinkets littered the entire front of the store.

She hoped Chris and Josh got here soon, she was overdue for her lunch break and the smells coming out of the nearby food court were calling her name. Particularly the chinese place, she had been craving them for the last week at least . Plus, Jared had been raking her over coals about how her availability was going to drop dramatically once she started college in the next couple of weeks, and one of the creepy regulars had followed her around the store for-freaking- ever (she's pretty sure he had been staring at her ass the whole time too honestly) until Curtis had basically shoved her into the back room to let her escape while he covered for her. And surprise surprise, Jared hadn't been too thrilled about her 'abandoning her post' and yelled at her about that too. 

Whoever said that working in a bookstore was a lazy job where she got to read books in her free time was a dirty, rotten liar. It was hell on earth and she was going to slowly tear the fingernails off whoever it was that said it (even though she had a sinking feeling it had probably be Ashley herself that said it back when she romanticized working in bookstores when she was, like, ten ). God, she really really needed that Chinese if she had any plans of surviving the last four hours of her shift.

The phone at the front desk behind her begins to ring, but a quick backwards glance has her realizing that with poor Curtis trying to deal with an older woman who is adamant that the book he's trying to sell her is the wrong one because she is 'positive that the book had a light purple cover and this one is lavender, that is two different colours and I want the right book now ' and Kyrstin being forced to deal with the rest of the line herself, that Ashley's the one who's going to have to answer the phone. With a groan of resignation (she hated answering the phone at work but Jared was in a horrendous enough mood as it was), she stood up and made her way over, repeating the greeting she was going to have to say over and over in her head so she (hopefully) wouldn't mess it up. And taking a deep breath, and repeating the greeting once more in her head, she forced a smile to her face as she picked up the handset.

"Hi! Thanks for calling—"

"Fucking finally Ash."

In an instant, Ashley could feel every ounce of nervous energy violently expel from her body as she nearly doubled over with another groan, this one entirely of exhaustion. She took quick glance over her shoulder, but Jared seemed to busy with another phone call in his office thankfully. "What are you doing Josh?!" she whispered angrily, "I'm at work right now you moron!"

"Uh yeah, I know. Why do you think I called you using this number?"

Ashley gave Kyrstin an apologetic and pained smile when she looked at her curiously, who responded with a good-natured shake of her head and a laugh under her breath as she turned to help the next customer. "Well, you didn't have to call here."

"Kinda did, Ash. You kept ignoring me."

"I was ignoring your calls you butt, you could have just texted me instead you know."

"Hmmm, no. Anyways I tried calling to tell you that Chris and I might not be able to meet up with you for lunch."

Ashley felt disappointment flood her entire being. "Oh. I see. But you really could have just—"

"We're at the hospital while Chris gets some x-rays done."

Immediately any disappointment fled her body as Ashley all but collapsed on the counter for support as her legs gave out on her. "Is he okay?! Oh god, is he okay Josh?!"

There's a pause on the phone and all Ashley can hear is her own blood pounding in her ears. He has to be okay. He has to be, he just has to be!

"I dunno, it was a pretty gnarly fall. Don't know if he'll ever truly recover, there was a lot of screaming after all."

Ashley doesn't even respond as she slams down the phone and turns to Kyrstin and Curtis who are looking at her in shock as her entire world falls to pieces around her. "I-I have to go. Chris is... Chris is..." she can't get anymore out with how it feels like someone is ripping her heart out of her chest. "Josh said he's in the hospital and...and..."

Curtis nods quickly as he runs to the staff room, and Kyrstin just starts shoving her towards the door as they all ignore the customers who are standing around awkwardly. "Go. We got this."

Ashley turns her head towards Jared's office. "But I gotta—and, and I need to grab my stuff—

"Nope. You go. Curtis and I will figure something out, and Becks arrives for her shift in another half hour. We can manage just fine until then. You just get out of here right now."

Ashley doesn't try to fight anymore than that, not with how hard she's fighting to hold back breaking down in the middle of the store after all. Curtis meets her at the entrance with her bag and shoves it into her arms. "Do you need me to call you a taxi, or give you a ride, or anything? Kyrstin can drag Jared out of his cave if she's gotta." Next to him, Kyrstin nods furiously in agreement.

Ashley has never loved anyone as much as she loves her coworkers in this instant. "No, my-my mom gave me the car for today."

With that little bit of approval, and a random customer shouting ‘I hope he's okay hun!’ at her, the two of them shove Ashley into the mall itself and the very instant she crosses that threshold she takes off running, shoving her way through people and nearly falling down the stairs in her effort to get to the parking lot as quickly as she can. She is so, so glad that her mom basically forced the car on her today instead of letting her take the bus as originally planned, she doesn't know how she would have lasted if she'd had to wait for a taxi to arrive and pick her up.

As it is, once she's finally (and somehow safely) managed to arrive at the hospital and found a spot to park, she's nonplussed about the fact that she didn't leave any imprints in the steering wheel from how hard she had been gripping it the whole drive over. She fumbles with the clasp on her seatbelt with shaking hands, almost bursting into tears about that fact alone, but she eventually manages to free herself and basically throws herself out of the car, only remembering to lock the door behind her when she's about halfway to the hospital doors.

The moment she bursts into the waiting room, Josh is sitting there waiting for her. He looks up at her in surprise as she hurries towards him, then down at his phone and back up at her again as he gives a low whistle. "Shit Ash, how many laws did you break to get here that fast?"

She ignores him. "What happened?! How is he?! Just tell me he's okay! Please, please tell me he's okay!"

"I mean, I suppose he's as fine as he could be considering the circumstances." He seems to sense that she's about ready to scream at him so he quickly follows up with "He's on the second floor, in room 272 if you want to see him."

Ashley doesn't even bother to thank him as she bolts to the nearby elevator, frantically pushing the 'Call Elevator' button nonstop until the door opens and then doing the same thing to the second floor button as it carries her up. Her eyes are burning in an effort to hold back her tears but she can tell that the dam is about to burst any second, especially with how long this elevator is taking to move. She doesn't even wait for the doors to open fully, squeezing through them the moment they're wide enough and accosting some poor nurse until he points her down the correct hall. She hurries the rest of the way, staring at every number on the wall until she finds room 272. And then she stops, her hand on the door knob as she braces herself for whatever she's going to find. Chris lying in bed, covered in blood and bandages with a heart monitor beeping next to him, just broken and shattered beyond all repair. With a choked back sob she opens the door—

and finds Chris sitting on the bed looking up at the ceiling bored to tears with a splint wrapped around his pinky and ring finger on his right hand.

"Finally! I thought you would never get here, so if we could just get this over with—" he looks over at her standing in the doorway shell shocked and still in her work uniform and jumps to his feet. "A-Ash?! What the hell are you doing here— Wait, did you just come here straight from work?! "

"You're okay?" Ashley hates how small her voice comes out, "You're really okay?"

"What? Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Who told you—"

Spell broken, Ashley’s bag falls from her shoulder to the ground with a small clatter and she dives towards Chris, wrapping him in a tight hug. "Oh thank god. Oh thank god. " Chris starts to return the hug, likely more than a little confused about what's going on, but she's already moved so her hands are on either side of his face as she tugs him down to her level so she can get a better look at him. Twisting and turning his head this way and that as she looks for any bruises or cuts. "Josh told me that there had been an accident and—"

"Ash!" Chris interrupts her by taking her wrists in his hands—though he winces at the pain that likely forms as a result of doing so—and speaks as calmly and reassuringly to her as he can. "Ash, it's okay. I'm fine . I promise. I just tripped earlier that's all."

Ashley takes in the sight of the scuffed up palms of his hands, and the holes in the knees of his jeans that certainly hadn't been there before, and knows that Chris is telling the truth. Though it doesn't explain the splint on his hand.

"Okay, and I might have broken my finger doing so."

Ashley just stands there so dumbfounded and relieved in equal measure, that she blurts out "Josh said that there had been screaming."

To her surprise, Chris only gives an embarrassed groan as he stares at an area just over her shoulder "God, Josh is never gonna let me live that down is he? Okay, so my finger may not have been the only thing that broke..." Confused, mainly because except for the bandaged finger and ripped jeans he seems perfectly okay, Ashley looks over her shoulder and follows his eyes to his phone laying on the counter just behind her. The screen completely shattered to hell and back with no promise of life anywhere on it. Just the dead, black screen reflecting the ceiling above on its cracked surface 

"Wait," Ashley starts to feel the relieved giggles try to break free as her nerves finally settle, "are you telling me that you broke your finger but you were more worried about your phone? "

Chris sputters as he starts to wave his splinted finger infront of her face. "I mean obviously! This doesn't cost me any money to fix Ash; that's what health care's for! But my phone? Do you know how expensive that thing's going to be to replace? How many paychecks I'm going to have to put towards it? All the money I saved up this summer for school: gone! All because of a stupid little sidewalk curb!"

Ashley can't help it, she starts laughing uncontrollably as she collapses into a nearby chair with her head in her hands. "Oh, I am going to kill Josh when I see him, kill him! And then Jared's gonna kill me for bailing at work and not telling him! God, and I just left in the middle of a rush too! Remind me to buy Kyrstin and Curtis a cake or flowers or something as an apology. Oh my god ."

"You just ditched work? Ash!" Chris falls back onto the bed as he laughs with her. "Why would you even do that in the first place?!"

"Josh told me that you were in the hospital getting x-rays! What was I supposed to think?"

Chris rubs at his eyes beneath his glasses. "I asked him to let you know that we were probably gonna be a little late for lunch while I waited to get my cast! Fucking hell, I'm so sorry."

"Am I interrupting anything or..."

The two of them turn to see a doctor looking up at them with an upturned brow, and holding what Ashley assumes (and hopes) to be the materials needed for Chris's cast. "This is Chris Hartley's room correct?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. That's me."

The doctor nods, and walks towards Chris, but stops in front of the chair Ashley is sitting in. "I'm sorry, but I will be needing that chair sweetheart." With a squeak of apology, Ashley jumps out the chair and moves back by the door so fast that she's almost certain that she had managed to teleport over there, almost tripping over her forgotten bag in the process. Red-faced, she picks it back up and goes to leave (and possibly strangle Josh violently) but is stopped by the same doctor as she sits down in the chair with a chuckle, shaking her head. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to. It'll only take a couple of minutes to get this cast on and then he'll be free to leave with you." 

Now even more red-faced (if that was even possible), Ashley just slowly shuffles over to the table where Chris's (broken) phone and wallet is, nervously fidgeting with the strap of her bag as she waits for Chris to get the cast on. Taking Chris's hand in her own, the doctor—Dr. Klorens her name tag reads—scowls at the now slightly bent fingers in the splint, which Chris only gives a sheepish shrug and smile to, and sighs as she unwraps his fingers so she can reset the splint. And Ashley blanches at the deep, dark bruises that spread all the way from the middle of his pinky to nearly halfway down his palm that she had completely failed to notice earlier before those are once again lost. 

And as promised, once the Dr. Klorens has put the cotton sleeve over his hand and trimmed it to the desired length, it only takes her another couple of minutes to wrap starting from the center of his forearm and all the way up to the center of his palm and then finally finishing with his splinted fingers. As the three of them wait for the fibreglass material to dry, Dr. Klorens goes over the do's and don'ts of cast care, which Ashley takes serious note of because she knows that Chris won't. Especially the 'do NOT get the cast wet' part, he's gonna forget about that one the moment Josh tries to bait him into another water gun fight.

"Alright, I think that's about it. Just come back in three weeks so we can do another x-ray to check and make sure that the bone's all healed up before we remove it. Just let someone know that you're done with the room when you leave, and remember to check out at the front desk." She gathers up her supplies and makes to leave, but stops to look over her shoulder at them with an amused smile on her face. "Oh, and if you two take the stairs, just make sure that you're careful. I know that we're in a hospital already, but I don't think any of us want to deal with any more tripping instances. Especially if they result in another broken bone." After waiting for Chris and Ashley to meekly agree to be careful, she finally leaves the two of them alone once again.

"Welp, that's it for my summer. 'Fraid I'm nothing but a cripple now."

Sighing, Ashley turns to Chris with a tired smile. "You are not a cripple, oh my god. You have a broken finger, you didn't lose the entire arm you dork."

Incensed, Chris waves his cast at her. "Um, do you not see this thing Ash? I may as well have. I've lost the use of two of my fingers now! Two! And on my right hand to boot. I can't hold a controller to play games with, I can't type, I can't text. What am I supposed to do Ash if I can't hold a single thing in my dominant hand anymore?"

"I'm sure you'll manage," she dryly responds. "Now come on, let's get out of here. I have to figure out how in the world I'm going to explain this to Jared so he doesn't fire me."

"Pretty sure that you should just let him if you ask me."

Ashley groans in agreement, but says "It's only another couple of weeks until college starts. Just hoping I can hold out until then, I need the money after all."

Chris lets out a resigned breath but then starts eyeing her work apron. "You got a sharpie in there?"

"Um, I think so. Why?"

"Uh, so you can sign my cast, duh. You missed out when I broke my arm when I was like nine, so you can be the first to get your name on this one."

"Trying to weasel my autograph out of me huh?" Ashley asks even as she digs through one of her pockets to pull out the sharpie in question, and joins Chris to sit next to him on the bed.

Chris laughs. "Damn, you figured out my devious plan. Thing’s gonna be worth a fortune when you make it onto the bestsellers list one day. Gonna be fighting off all sorts of crazed and fanatic fans."

Ashley shakes her head as she chuckles and writes her name on his arm, but pauses when she caps the pen. Seeing her name on his cast suddenly pulls everything back into vivid clarity, and she remembers the panic she had felt when she had thought—when she had believed —that she had nearly lost him. That this was it, that he was here one day and gone the next, and she hadn't even told him how much he meant to her. How important he was to her. She watches as a drop of water splashes down onto the cast and she finds herself wondering if there's a leak in a room upstairs.

"What the—Ash? Are you crying?"

"Huh?" She wipes her eyes, and a surprised but weak laugh escapes when her hand comes away wet. "Oh, I guess I am. Sorry about that, you're supposed to keep the cast dry and here I am crying—"

Chris places his left hand on her cheek to help wipe away some of her tears. "Oh fuck, I really freaked you out didn't I? Fucking hell. I'm—"

"Do you promise not to hate me?"

The look Chris gives her is nothing short of bamboozled. "Hate you? Ash, what's going on with you?"

"Do you promise not to hate me? Please Chris, I really, really need you to promise me this. Please . Do you promise not to hate me?" She’s fully aware that she’s practically begging right now, silent tears flowing down her cheeks, but if it gets Chris to promise then she’ll gladly throw away her pride for this one thing.

"Yeah, I-I promise. Will you just—"

Ashley doesn't give him anytime to finish his sentence before she's squeezing her eyes shut and she surges up to kiss him. She doesn't want to see his expression, not when all she wants is just to remember everything else that is happening. Remember the feel of his lips before he pulls away, and the warmth of his hand on her cheek. In fact, she spends so much time trying to memorize what she is sure is only going to be a single shared kiss, that it takes her a few seconds longer than she would like to admit to realize that Chris's hand isn't on her cheek anymore, it's moved to the back of her neck so he can kiss her back . The shock of which is enough for her to break the kiss and stare at him with wide eyes.

"Wh—" that's all she can get out before Chris is pulling her back in for a second kiss, and this time she lets her eyelids flutter close as she completely melts into, throwing her arms around his neck to hold him closer.

Ashley's not sure how long they stay like that—could have been an eternity, could have only been a couple of seconds—before they're both pulling back with their faces flushed and giggling like morons.

"Wow," Chris says after a moment, "I don't know what made you think I could hate you after that , but wow . If I had known that this would be the reaction I get, I would have broken my finger years ago."

There's something about the way he says it that has Ashley's heart beating even faster. "How long?" she demands breathlessly, "Tell how long ago?"

Somehow, Chris manages to flush even deeper. "I dunno, like... six? I guess?"

Six years. He'd had a crush on her for six years and she'd had no idea. The moment the realization hits her she starts laughing. "I knew you were trying to ask me for a kiss back in seventh grade! I should have just chased you down and given you one anyway!"

This time, it's Chris who starts laughing at the realization. "Wait, you liked me too?! Then that kiss, back in the library...?"

"You still remember that?!"

"Remember it? Ash, that stupid little cheek kiss is the only reason I passed that final I'm sure! Hell, why else do you think Josh dared me to kiss you in truth and dare?"

"What? No he didn't!"

Chris shakes his head as he moves his hand from her neck to around her waist. "He did! He told me to 'return the favour' and all I had been thinking about that summer was kissing you back. Fucking hell, I almost killed him when he pulled me away to get that generator working that winter in the lodge."

"Oh my god, I almost jumped across the floor to you that night when the power went out after the bottle landed on you."

"You didn't!"

Chris sounded so scandalized at the idea that Ashley presses her forehead to his as her smile widens, which only causes his own to widen in turn. "I did! But then Josh pulled you away and I just completely lost my nerve." She starts laughing at the next memory. "Oh god, I kept my lamp on in my room after that hoping you would stop by if you thought I was still awake."

The answering gape in shock was all she needed before she broke into more giggles. "I saw that! I don't know how long I hovered outside your door trying to work up the courage to knock before talking myself out of it. I think I just convinced myself that the outage had freaked you out badly enough that you needed the extra light to get to sleep."

Once the giggles started to lessen, the smiles on their faces did so as well, softening to something warmer and infinitely more cozy. "I almost kissed you, you know," Ashley confessed shyly. "Back at your grad party."

"Yeah, I-I almost kissed you too. And, just so you know, I wasn't lying then. The flowers looked really really good on you." 

"That's good to hear," she admits as she leans in closer, her lips brushing his so lightly it's almost a caress, "I kept them, after all."

Nothing more is said as Chris closes the distance between them again to kiss her, and even though she knows that they really should get back downstairs, she doesn't try to stop it.

They have a long six years to make up for after all.

[damerondala]

🍒 Okay tub time with Kix? 😗👌🏻 Exquisite. So good. Where do i find such a caring man ugh and a clean bathtub chores suck

New Cherry Thot of the Week… This one’s hella self-indulgent but don’t worry bestie, i’m dragging you along for the ride too… Picture it: The Marauder, 19 BBY (did i spend 3 minutes looking that up for this dumb joke? yeah…) Somehow, you and I have joined up with the Bad Batch on some kind of mission. Details don’t matter because the important thing is we’re sharing a tiny spaceship with 5 hunks. 🥰 But obvs we have our favorites… I’m going with Wrecker for you (i know you love Hunter too, but just hear me out, this thot has a purpose) and Crosshair for me.

But here’s the thing. We somehow figure out they like us back (maybe Tech spills the beans), AND they have a bet going… Who can win us over first? Because these 2 are always competing over something with each other right?

And like hot damn, but also ohh there’s so much we can do with this info 😈 We both start teasing our respective guys, leading them on a little, not giving in to their flirting or anything so they can’t say they’ve won the bet for a while. They get more frustrated. More… pent up… And… well… so do we…

Uh oh. Maybe we can’t play this much longer. Maybe one day it’s too much, and one of us races to our crush prepared to just kiss them silly, only to find they had the same idea. And then afterward we try to find the other, and discover they couldn’t hold out with their guy either 🙈 And maybe it’s awkward, maybe Wrecker and Crosshair argue over who actually won forever, but it was kinda weirdly fun anyway. We’re happy, and happy for each other. /EndofSappyStory 🍒

cherry. my love. my life.

this might be the best thing that you have ever gifted me holy fuck the way i BLUSHED while reading this??? whooooooo jesus i love this so much!!! 😭 okay lots to unpack here:

1. excellent golden girls reference again. made me giggle and i appreciate the research tech would be proud of u hehe

2. you and i being bffs in this thot made me so happy aw

3. EXCELLENT CHARACTER CHOICE FOR US OMFG i couldn't stop thinking about the "don't worry wrecker you'll top him next time" "no he wOnT" while reading bc omfg those lines applied to this kind of bet????? AAAAHHHHH IM HAVING A CRISIS

i'm gonna write this in sections, actual encounters with the boys happen in sections 3 and 4 with our sexy murder toothpick man being up first! also this is gonna be pre-omega but post-echo joining the batch 

self indulgent filth and fluff in the form of some reader insert thots below ;) 

18+ as always kiddies. i really hope you enjoy! this was so fun to write 

section 1: the bet 

so i imagine this happening right after you guys joined the squad

and it certainly didn't take long for crosshair and wrecker to realize their feelings for you two beautiful women, although one was more brazen about his feelings than the other

one day when hunter had sent you and your friend into a market to pick up a short list of supplies, they got to talking 

crosshair made an offhand remark about his girls’ ass which made wrecker fidget, he never was very composed when it came to pretty girls and this caused all the other members of the batch share knowing looks and smirks

“wrecker if you’re trying to be discreet about your feelings for ___ you’re going to have to do stop fidgeting.” tech noted, rolling his eyes when wrecker started stuttering out excuses but he was cut off by echo

“give ‘im a break. at least he isn't as vulgar as crosshair” 

“you’re just jealous she doesn't flirt with you, mir'osik” (i had to search up insults in mando’a and this one means shit for brains and when i tell you i died laughing okay anyways sorry)

this made echo roll his eyes, deciding it wasn't worth it to fight over whatever stupid insult the sniper threw at him

wanting to stir the pot juuust a bit, hunter proposed a challenge for his vod. he should be the good influence on his brothers, but he couldn't help but want to see where these crushes would take them

he could hear the girls’ heartbeats intensify around their respective crushes anyways, so he had a pretty good feeling that they felt the same about his batch mates

“don’t know about the rest of you, but i want to see who can win his girl over first” this was met with a smirk from crosshair, a blush from wrecker, and side glances shared between echo and tech

“easy.” crosshair drawled, he knew he had this in the bag

he may be quieter than the others but boy was he was observant, taking note of the way her words had a hard time flowing out of her pretty mouth when he was in close proximity of his girl

wrecker on the other hand didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, in his eyes she was just so sweet. innocent, really. she wouldn’t want the same treatment he knew crosshair had in mind for his girl

the peering eyes of his squad made the large man cave with a sigh, “fine.”

section 2: the slip up

weeks had gone by since the boys established their little competition and you, your friend, and tech were working on some small repairs around the ship

you and your friend had noticed some increased...flirting from your respective guys

crosshair paid more compliments and lingering touches that seemed genuine

and wrecker flirted the best way he knew how; lifting too heavy objects and reaching for items in the tall cargo holds, handing them down with a gentle smile

tech, being the most blunt member of the squad, commented on the whispers you exchanged, dropping a surprising truth on both of your ears:

“well of course they are trying to flatter you. how else do you settle a bet to win each of you over the fastest?” 

tech watched the two women freeze before him, sharing shocked looks before turning their attention to him, realization hit his gut like a crate of durasteel, and he swallowed under your stern gazes

“what do you mean, goggles?” 

“they...like us?”

tech’s cheeks burned red hot, was his brow beginning to sweat? maker, it felt like it 

this was the one time he didn’t feel like explaining himself, instead choosing to coyly excuse himself from the two pairs of watchful eyes

he left you and your friend to stare at each other before both rolling your eyes, “well now we know who spills secrets the easiest” your friend chuckled, shaking her head 

after a few moments of silence you both spoke up, deciding there wasn’t that much harm in playing along with the two members of the batch. you were fond of them, after all

you both continued chuckling about the situation, mostly out of disbelief that the flirting and teasing wasn’t just a hopeful facade your minds made up

once the repairs were completed, you both retired to opposite ends of the ship, minds full of deliberation of how you would handle this new information 

section 3: the gunport 

you were sat in the gunport, musing the situation you found yourself in, hands picking at your fingernails in an effort to curb your nerves 

on one hand you didn’t want to ruin the bond you had with the marksman

what if he was just flirting out of pure boredom? there isn’t much to do in a confined ship like this anyways, he might as well pass the time flirting with a woman in his general vicinity 

but it just had to mean something

no way the whispered compliments - most of them accompanied with a wink, no less - meant absolutely nothing to him 

you decided that you had enough, this was going to eat you alive if you didn't get to the bottom of what was going on in that head of his

with a huff, you stood straight and turned around to exit the space

but you were met with a silver haired man climbing up the ladder

you both froze, both internally freaking out at the basically forced confrontation

oh gods what is he doing up here? did he read my mind??

...shit what do i do i forgot everything i was going to say to her 

you nervously chuckled, figuring that you were going to go talk to him anyways so might as well get this over with

“crosshair... um i need to ask you something”

“no, i need to tell you something cyar’ika. i’m tired of sitting here and watching you walk around all day, not being able to show you how i feel.”

now that left you speechless, mouth slightly hanging open in shock to which he deeply chuckled at, “hope this isn't the first time i leave you speechless.” 

there it was, that smug attitude that made you roll your eyes but also ignited a heat in your lower abdomen

with a smirk, you decided to play it back to him. two can play at this game, lanky

“well it’d be pretty rude to not demonstrate what you had in mind, trooper”

this was the green light crosshair needed, quickly heaving himself up the last few rungs of the ladder, his hands immediately finding your waist and snatching you close, pressing a firm kiss to your lips

your hands flung up to catch the sides of his sharp cheeks, humming at the feel of his scruff under your palms as you coyly push your tongue through his lips, hoping he’ll welcome your tongue into his mouth

he does, and you are exploring each other in the most delicious way, causing soft moans and sighs to leave both of you

while you were entranced by crosshair’s mouth on yours, you didn't realize he was pushing you back onto the chair of the gunport until you were sat down and he was kneeling in between your legs, his nimble fingers clutching your thighs and hips

in a matter of minutes crosshair had managed to get your bottoms completely off, your slick panties hooked on one ankle, and your thighs over his shoulders

for a man who could run his mouth, he sure proved it 

expert fingers entered your weeping cunt while his tongue prodded your bundle of nerves with sharp, quick strokes

he’s beaming at the way you’re trying to support yourself on shaky arms and trapping his head to your cunt with the backs of your calves, the sight of your head thrown back and the whimpers coming out of your mouth making him harder than he had been in a looong time

his fingers and mouth brought to your orgasm quick and hard, nearly screaming his name as your toes curled in bliss 

he took his time in working you through it, making sure he could draw it out. he could get used to this.

when you can finally open your eyes and look him in the eye, you’re kissing him again, enjoying the moan he lets out at the feel of your tongue tasting yourself on him 

you decide it’s his turn, and you’re pushing him into your previous spot, smiling at the way his eyes slightly widen at the way you took charge 

crosshair wants to say some sexy remark, something that he knows will get you to sheepishly smile and look away but he can’t, not with the sight of you sinking down to your knees and slowly pulling down his blacks, keeping eye contact and granting him a playful glint in your eye

you can't help but want to tease him just a bit, running your tongue over the bulge in his blacks

he tries his hardest to not be loud but maker, is he loud when you finally take him into your mouth and down your throat 

you’ve quickly found that he enjoys eye contact while in this vulnerable state, nearly shaking when he sees your eyes brimming with tears trying not to choke on his length 

one hand sneaking down to alternate cupping his balls is what pulls him over the edge, crying out with your name living on his tongue 

you swallow his release, again utilizing eye contact to your benefit and drawing out another prolonged moan from him 

it makes you smile in pride, loving how this hard, unyielding man turned into such a mess while you had your way with him 

crosshair pats his lap and expectantly looks at you, waiting for you to perch up onto his lap, straddling him 

despite being a skinnier guy, crosshair wraps you up in the warmest, most secure-feeling snuggle you have honestly ever experienced 

after sharing such an intimate moment with you, he began whispering sweet nothings into your ear, about how gorgeous he thinks you are, how much he cares for you 

it’s honestly kind of shocking but welcome nonetheless, cross can be kind when he wants to and you are very glad that this was the outcome of your dancing around each other for months 

section 4: the interruption 

you retreated back to your room, honestly just wanting to sleep and get your mind off the day

it was becoming harder and harder to not just pounce on wrecker, but you didn't want to just give it up so quickly 

and to be honest, you had a bad feeling that tech was full of it

you struggled with self esteem issues for as long as you could remember, so it was difficult to believe the 'genious’ of the batch when he said that wrecker had feelings for you 

despite your trepidations, your mind couldn't stop thinking about him, his broad shoulders, toned arms, huge thighs...

your hand slithered down your torso, slipping underneath the waist band of your bottoms and slowly circling your clit as images of wrecker effortlessly lifting anything that crossed his path filled your mind, honestly wishing it was you he was lifting

perhaps lifting you to brush your pussy on his nose, his tongue exploring your womanhood enough to make you shout his name

but apparently that last part was not all in your head

although you didn't shout it, wrecker definitely heard the way you whispered out his name in a moan in the dark room

he really hadn’t meant to barge in, but after a few knocks with no answer  he began to worry

he came by to tell you how he felt with absolutely no expectation of sleeping with you. truthfully, he gave up on trying to get into your pants, he was willing to lose the bet with crosshair, he knew he wasn’t as smooth as his brother anyways 

while he obviously would never be opposed to making love with you, he figured that you deserved to be courted beforehand, and he thought there was no way you’d want to share your body in such an intimate way with somebody like him 

but the sight he was greeted with was enough to prove himself wrong

you, spread out on your bed with your hand moving diligently under your thin lounge shorts and you moaning his name made him subconsciously let out a loud gasp 

that you absolutely heard, eyes snapping open and hand coming to an abrupt halt, ripping out from under your bottoms

“wr-wrecker! what are you doing here?!”

“i- uhhh- i didn’t see anything! erm, i'm sorry, mesh’la”

by now you had your blankets covering you, despite being fully clothed, and were looking at him with mortified eyes

wrecker still stood in the doorway, unsure if he should let this opportunity pass him by

if you had told him to leave he would, he’d do anything you said, but the fact that you made no move to force him into leaving made him linger

“i'm...sorry if im overstepping mesh’la but i just- i can't stop thinking about you. and well,” he gestured to your form, still cradling the blankets to your heaving chest, “i think you think about me too”

of course you couldn't deny it, he had just seen you pleasuring yourself and moaning his name, what the hell kind of excuse could you come up with? none, that's what 

his sheepishness made your heart soar, realizing he probably was just as nervous as you

deciding to cut him some slack, you slowly rose up, blanket falling to the ground as you sauntered over to his frozen frame

whispering, “you're right. do- do you want to stay?” 

you had the poor man at a loss for words, eagerly nodding at your proposition and allowing you to take his hand and lead him to your bed, pushing him down so you could straddle his lap

his large cock bulging through the thin fabric of his blacks and pushing against your already hot cunt made you cry out

pure adrenaline coursed through both of you, hushed moans leaving your mouths as you steadily ground down onto him, his hand tangled in your hair and the other kneading your breast

your lips broke away from his mouth and you smirked at the look on his face, absolutely fucking giddy that this was finally happening, he had been dreaming about this moment since he first saw you

the sounds he made while you sucked on the sensitive skin of his neck encouraged you to slip a small hand down the front of his blacks and pull his thick cock out, heat flooding your body at the hiss he let out when you started slowly jacking him off 

your legs were in the perfect position for him to push your shorts down and over your ass, fingers picking up where you left off and circling your clit, working you open to take one of his massive fingers

the more you squeezed his throbbing shaft, the louder wrecker became 

and not wanting anybody to hear you two fooling around, you glued your mouth to his, tongues mingling in heat

the excitement of the entire situation made it not last very long overall, but you both had intense orgasms regardless

wrecker curled his - now two - fingers inside you just right, and your continued squeezes and strokes of his cock made him finish, his cum coating your palm 

both of you were shaking, muffled groans and gasps filled the room until you were coming down from your simultaneous orgasms

after coming back down to the moment, wrecker chuckled and flopped down on his back, bringing you with him to crash onto his chest

you both giggled like a couple of smitten teenagers who were experiencing their first love, relishing in the butterflies in your stomachs, we just did that

“been waiting a long time to do that, doll” wrecker’s big hands rubbed up and down your curves, closing his eyes and smiling at your laugh, “i know”

his head shot up at that, “you know?” the way his eyebrows furrowed up made your chest tighten with admiration, smiling cheekily down at him, “of course i do. tech told us gals.” you leaned down to place a peck on his chin, “you think you won the bet?”

“dunno. but I feel like i just won the entire galaxy.” 

it honestly didn't make much sense in your post-orgasm daze, but the endearing tone made you smile and kiss him once again

section 5: the hallway 

after your respective encounters with your boys, you ran to your friend, bumping into her in the hallway, the tight space echoing your giggles and shrieks of excitement throughout the entire ship

you both were so flustered and giddy that you were talking over each other, just needing to tell her about what just happened 

“i just sucked-”

“you will not believe-” 

you both stopped and laughed even harder, holding onto each other for support, then your friend took a deep breath and smiled, “you first.”

the sounds emitted from you two not only made your boys smile and their chests swell with pride but also coerced some chuckles from the other members of the batch 

they all knew how long these...events were in the making and how eager cross and wrecker were becoming 

and in all honesty they were glad their brothers had found happiness in two girls like yourselves 

nice, funny, and obviously in love with their brothers

they really could’t have asked for better women to take care of their family 

~

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[buttonso]

The Ones Who Came Before: An Aura/Harvey short

Heyyy... Trivia Tuesday: Pride Edition.

This short could count as a lost mini-chapter of Breathe With Me. It would take place somewhere in the weeks between chapters 4 and 5, in the late winter or early spring. It touches on Aura and Harvey's respective romantic pasts.

I decided along the way that I viewed both Aura and Harvey as bisexual. At first I didn't really want it to come up in the fic, because I didn't want it to be a source of tension or drama. I wanted it to be a simple fact that they accepted about each other easily. So, I wasn't sure going back and writing a scene like this would be worth it, but, well... why not?

1,364 words. Mentions sex, and has a few swears but is otherwise pretty user-friendly.

Oh, and... proofreading was half assed so forgive any typos 😅

The Ones Who Came Before

Their respective romantic histories hadn’t been something they’d discussed at all before they began dating. Despite mutually agreeing that they would take the physical side of their relationship slowly, Aura seemed to have decided it was important to fill Harvey in on her rather adventurous romantic (and not so romantic, at times) history.

“After Stephanie and I broke up, I was alone for a couple of months… then the letter from Grandpa’s lawyers came, and a few weeks later, here I was.” She seemed a bit tense. “I know that we decided to kick sex down the road a bit… but I want you to know that despite that laundry list of exes, I have been tested for everything under the sun. So… whenever we decide we’re ready…” She trailed off glanced at him, her expression uncertain.

“That’s, ah… that’s good to know.” He wondered, not for the first time, what she wanted with the likes of him. Judging by her history, she could have just about anyone she wanted. Though she hadn’t gone into great detail on every relationship, she had been with several men and a few women, including her most recent ex before moving to the valley. “As a doctor, I shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about that… and I’m clean as well.”

“Good to know.” She bumped her shoulder with his. “So, you’re… not bothered by it?” she added, her tone hesitant, shoulders tense, hands wrapped around her mug as she stared down into it. Her gaze flicked up from their contemplation of the coca when Harvey failed to answer.

“I’m not bothered by it.” Harvey shifted uneasily beside her on the couch. His own mug saw empty on the coffee table in front of them. His hand slid down her back, wondering how the green wool that had seemed so itchy when the sweater belonged to him suddenly felt so soft. She sat up a little straighter and smiled at him.

“Really? Not by the sheer number or… or the women? Because… some people have been super weird about it. In the past, I mean. It’s crazy, right… same sex marriage has been legal in Zuzu City for like, fifteen years, but some people are still so threatened by it.” Usually so cool and collected, Aura’s voice was a bit rushed and strained. “And I’m babbling…”

Harvey cleared his throat. He supposed it was his turn now. “…It’s not that I’m bothered by it. I think I will come off rather boring compared to you, though…” It was his turn to be hesitant. They had such a nice time whenever they were together. She’d assured him multiple times that even though he had been the one to say he wanted to put off sleeping together, that she was willing to go with what he needed, and that she wanted to change her own patterns when it came to relationships. But…

“You’re not boring. And you don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with. Whether you’ve been with one woman or a hundred… I’m just glad you’re with me now,” She scooted a little closer to him and sipped at her cocoa.

“I’ve been with two women… and one man.” Harvey couldn’t help but feel a touched of amusement as surprise flickered across her features. “So… only three… rather pathetic, isn’t it?”

“It’s not pathetic at all, it’s just… I’m a little surprised. I didn’t think… that is, I didn’t have you pegged for…ah…” Aura trailed off, a blush darkening her cheeks.

Harvey shrugged. “What does a bisexual look like?” It felt odd to use that word out loud, but considering how long he’d been alone, it had become little more than a background detail in recent years.

She winced. “Well… shit. I was worried the women in my past would throw you off, but now I’m the one being weird. I’m sorry.” She set her mug down and offered him her hand.

He took it, lacing their fingers together. He liked holding hands this way- it felt so much more intimate than simply clasping hands. “It’s all right. I do tend to notice women more often than men, but… I do notice them.” He hesitated. “Does it… bother you?”

She shook her head. “Not really. I’d be a big damn hypocrite if it did. It just surprised me a little, that’s all. Do you want to tell me about any of them?”

Harvey blinked, surprised with himself that, yes… he did want to talk about them. They might be few in number, but they’d all been very important in his life. A nervous blush heated his face as he nodded, releasing her hand so he could slide his arm around her shoulders. She put her head on his shoulder and a little of the tension eased from his body.

“Sybil was my first… my first girlfriend, first… you know… first heartbreak, first everything. I mean… I was only nineteen but… she was everything to me. Or at least… she was at the time. But we ended up going to different medical schools and that was that. She’s one of the top cardiologists in the Republic now… married, with two kids. She sends me a Winter Star card every year.” That breakup had been hard, but he’d thrown himself into his studies to distract himself, and the pain had faded in time. Now it was little more than a distant memory. “Medical school kept me too busy to date, for the most part… but… then came Phillipe.” He smiled faintly at the memory. “He was so handsome. And funny and charming, and… well, everything I’m not.”

“Will you stop saying shit like that?” Aura muttered, poking him in the side. “I haven’t even seen this guy and I’d pick you over him, so there.” Despite her aggravated tone, the words did please him. Not that he’d admit it out loud.

“I’m sorry… well… Phillipe and I were in medical school together… I don’t know if you’d call it a relationship, exactly, but… well… we enjoyed, um…”

“Blowing off steam together?” Aura suggested, then giggled as he glared at her.

Well. Yes, she was right. BUT STILL. “He’s a plastic surgeon in Sereness now. I get Winter Star cards from his well, but we haven’t spoken in years, so… I assume he’s doing well. At least I hope so. And as for my most recent ex, well… there’s not much to tell there. Another fellow doctor. Linda and I worked together at Zuzu General. I’m… not sure she even counts as an ex, exactly. We only dated a few times… the, um… the chemistry… didn’t really last beyond a few encounters. We decided we preferred to be friends and colleagues. When I find myself in the city, I often have dinner with her and her wife.” And… that was it. That was his whole romantic history. It had taken less than five minutes to roll the whole thing out.

“…I mean… I may have quantity, but it sounds like you had quality,” Aura remarked, reaching up and running her fingers over his hair briefly. “A few of my exes and I wanted to stay friends, but… no one sends me Winter Star cards. I think it speaks well of you.”

“…I don’t want you sending me cards,” Harvey blurted out, turning to face her. “I… I like to think I’d be a big enough man to remain friends with you if… if things don’t work out, but… I don’t want you to just be a pleasant memory, Aura.”

Aura’s eyes widened and she blushed, but she seemed to recover quickly. “If you’re not planning on dumping me anytime soon… I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that,” she said, reaching up to caress his cheek. “And I think…” Her fingers slid from his cheek to curve around the back of his neck. “We’ve talked enough for the time being. I have to get back to the farm soon, so… why don’t you kiss me goodbye?”

“I’m definitely not planning on dumping you…” Harvey managed, unable to say anything more articulate than that as she pulled him to her.

[rmtndew]

Begin Again ~ Chapter 7

Summary: Walter Marshall is a dedicated homicide detective doing his best to balance his work life with being a single father to a teenage girl. Fiona Sparks is a woman doing her best to take care of everyone and everything around her, except for herself. Neither has had the best luck with relationships, but once they meet, they’re willing to give it another shot, this time with each other. (It’s basically just romantic fluff) 

Pairing: Marshall and OFC.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mentions of death, cancer.

A/N - This is a sequel to ‘All I’ve Ever Known’. I started writing this because I needed an escape for some personal stuff going on and my coping mechanism included giving Marshall all the love that man needed, and imagining him being the softest boyfriend to me, then passing those details on to Fiona (my OFC).

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This is the final chapter for ‘Being Again’. I want to thank everyone who commented and shared my story, and sent me messages. You have no idea how much it means to me! I appreciate y’all so much! Thank you! 🥰

Tag list - @hollydaisy23​, @alyxkbrl​, @onlyhenrys​, @omgkatinka​, @speakerforthedead0​​, @gearhead66​,  @thethirstyarchive​, @oddsnendsfanfics​, @littlerinoa​, @agniavateira​, @aaescritora​, @justaboringadult​, @beenthroughalot​, @seriouslygoodlookinggents​, @xxxkatxo​, @musicartmayheminmyheart​, @lilliannaansalla​

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Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7 (Final)

When I woke up the next morning, it was like the night before had only been a dream. Like it was too good to be true. But when I checked my phone, I had a text from Marshall that reminded me it was absolutely real. 

Marshall: I hated leaving you. I hope you know that. Those few hours of sleep that  I had with you were some of the best  I’ve had in ages. You say I make you feel safe, but you make me feel calm in a way I’ve never felt. I hope you have a good morning. I’ll call you later.

After I read his text, I felt myself starting to cry. It wasn’t a sad cry. It was a happy, cathartic cry. Like I couldn’t contain everything I felt for him, and it had to release somehow. I’d never shared a bed with a man simply to sleep before. My past boyfriends had always expected something in exchange. Having Walter just be there was new to me. What I felt for him went beyond attraction. I didn’t know if I could ever put it into words, I just knew that it nearly hurt to feel it all. But I didn’t want it any other way.

The rest of my morning went much better than the previous days. I checked in with Mom but did my best not to worry about her. I went to the store, bought groceries for the week, and even splurged on some new candles. Then that afternoon, I started prepping for dinner. I had an idea in mind and hoped it would work out. 

At a little after seven that evening, with only ten minutes left on the oven timer, I called Marshall. “I have two questions,” I said once we exchanged ‘hellos’. “Although I think I already know the answers to both.” 

“And what would those two questions be? Or would you prefer to give me the answers first?”

“Well, I think the answer will be a yes, and then a no.”

“I’m very curious now.”

“Okay, so question one: Are you still at your office? And question two: Have you eaten dinner yet?”

“Am I that predictable?”

“Only in this one specific instance,” I said. “But it brings up a third question that I don’t know the answer to.”

“Which is?”

“Would you let me bring you dinner? I overcooked and I won’t be able to eat it all, and it’s not the best as leftovers.” 

He was quiet for a moment. “Could I come to you instead? I think an hour’s break might do me good.”

“Of course you can come here. I’ll keep it warm and we can eat together.”

“Alright. See you soon.”

After I hung up, I pulled out the new fall scented candles I’d bought that day and put them on the dining table, flocking the vase of flowers he’d bought me the night before. I wanted the house to be warm and inviting, but I didn’t want him to know that I’d planned any of it. I was pretty sure that the only way I could get away with spoiling him a little was if he thought it was an accident. He may have been the one to ask to come over, but I knew that if I’d mentioned coming to him, he wouldn’t want me to go out of my way, and would come to me instead.

He was there in less than half an hour, which made me think a little speeding was involved. I nearly teased him about putting on his siren to get there, but I couldn’t get the words out fast enough. As soon as I closed the door behind him, he had me pressed against it, his mouth on mine in an almost bruising fashion. It was different than the enthusiastic urgency so much of our makeout sessions at his place had involved. Something else was driving him. Whatever it was made him pull away almost as quickly as he’d started. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. He tried to take a step back, but I wouldn’t let him. I grabbed his sides, doing my best to hold him in place. He wouldn’t look at me. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

Once I was convinced he wouldn’t run away, I moved a hand up to his face. I didn’t try to make him look at me. “What are you sorry for?”

“I didn’t mean to be that rough. I shouldn't've -”

“Shh. No,” I cut him off. “I’m not fragile, honey. I can handle a rough kiss.” He finally lifted his eyes to mine, but the look on his face was conflicted. It hurt me. I put my other hand on his face, cradling it gently. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I just desperately needed to feel you.” He dropped his forehead to mine. “This case...the more we find out…” He let out a breath and put his hands on my waist, pulling me closer to him. “It doesn’t matter.”

He held me tighter against him. His hands felt so needy. I was afraid to say the wrong thing and make him self conscious. I stayed exactly as I was, holding his face, and let him press me further against him. Whatever had happened in the case since we’d spoken on the phone had gotten to him. He was usually so big and tough and strong, but he stood in front of me, soft and vulnerable. After a few moments, I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He kissed me back, then let me take the lead, keeping it slow and tender. I pushed my back against the door and let him melt into me. When it felt like all the tension was gone from his body, I took one of my hands from his face and moved it down to one of his hands on my waist, holding it. 

“Let’s go eat, okay?” I said.

He nodded, holding my hand, and followed me as I walked to the kitchen. When we reached it, he stopped at the entrance and looked around. The lights were dimmed and the candles were lit. “You didn’t have to do this for me.”

“I didn’t,” I lied. “I used to do this for myself when I lived alone. Sometimes I’d put on music, or, if it was raining, I’d open a window and listen to it. I thought tonight would be a good night to try it again.” I rubbed my thumb over his hand. “And now I get to share it with you.”

“Your candles are better than mine,” he said, finally giving me a small glimpse of a smile. 

“I can help you shop for new ones. How’s that sound?”

He nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Good.” I kissed his shoulder. “Take a seat. I’ll make you a plate.”

“You don’t have to. I can do it.”

“I know you can, but I want to,” I said. “Will you let me?”

He chewed the corner of his mouth for a second. “Yeah,” he quietly relented.

“Thank you.”

He sat at the table and I pulled the food from the oven, where I’d been keeping it warm. Spinach and cheese stuffed chicken with roasted vegetables. I made us both plates, then got us drinks before sitting down. I sat right beside Marshall, rubbing his back with my left hand while we ate. A few bites in, he seemed to brighten a bit. 

“This is fantastic,” he said. “But I don’t believe for a minute that it doesn’t taste good as leftovers.”

I smiled. “That might have been a tiny lie so you would let me feed you,” I said. “Do you forgive me?”

He put his hand on my knee. “I do.”

“Good.”

He let out a breath and sat back in his chair. “You don’t know how much I needed this. I’ve been staring at the same evidence for hours, trying to figure out what I’m missing, and I can’t seem to find it.” He licked his lips. “Our victim, he wasn’t a good person. He had an extensive history of domestic violence. I keep looking at the pictures from the crime scene and comparing them to the ones in the police reports of his ex-girlfriends, the ones they filed after he’d beaten them, and I can’t imagine one of them or someone in their families shooting him twice and walking away. After what he did to those women, anyone who shot him because of it would have had more passion behind it. This was too cold and calculated for that. So if he wasn’t shot for what he’d done to them, then what was the motive?” He ran a hand over his face. “And that’s what I’ve been asking myself the last three hours, and what I would have been asking myself through the night if you hadn’t intervened.” 

“Maybe stepping away from it all for an hour will help you refocus.”

He nodded, gently squeezing my knee. “If nothing else, I’ll be thoroughly distracted,” he said, finally giving me a proper smile. 

I smiled back. “I’m happy to distract you for as long as you’d like.” I gave him a kiss. “Now eat your vegetables and you can have dessert.” He raised his eyebrows at me and smirked. I blushed, burying my face in his shoulder. “Tiramisu. I bought a tiramisu. That’s the dessert.” 

“Good. Because although another type of dessert would divert my attention far more, I’d prefer for it to last longer than an hour.” 

I was still blushing but managed to raise my head to look at him. “Really?” I asked. He nodded. “I’ve, um, I’ve never had dessert last that long.” 

He looked nearly appalled. “Never?” 

I shook my head. “Maybe twenty minutes. And that’s being generous.” 

“You must be the only one being generous is that’s the longest it lasted.” 

“You’re not wrong.”

“When it’s time for us...would you let me change that for you?”

My cheeks burned. I averted my eyes. “You don’t have to.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“I know, but-”

He took his hand from my knee and moved it to my chin, lifting my face to look at him. “Fi, none of it should be about ‘having’ to. It should all be want. I’m asking because I want to. You should only answer with what you want. Neither of us should feel obligated,” he said. 

I bit my lip for a moment, then nodded. “Okay,” I said. “I want to try letting you change it. But I get in my head a lot, so I can’t promise I’ll be good at it.” 

“You don’t have to be. That’s not the point.” He let his hand fall from my face down to his lap. “You and me together, that’s the good part,” he said. “But when the time comes, we’ll talk it through, yeah? Make sure we’re on the same page.” I nodded. “Good girl.”

My blush deepened, but I smiled at him. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“Something horrid, I’m sure.”

I laughed. “I was thinking it must be the opposite. You see, Detective Walter Marshall, I quite adore you.”

He smiled back. “Do you now?”

“I do. I hope that’s okay with you.” 

He nodded. “It’s more than okay,” he said. “It’s also mutual.”

My smile spread wide. “So you like me, huh?” 

“Yes, Miss Sparks, I do.”

“I’m starting to question your taste, mister.”

His head fell back and he barked out a laugh that shook his whole body. “Normally that would be a good call, but not this time,” he said. “Besides, you can’t date a mess like me and question my taste.” 

I pressed a kiss to his cheek, letting my lips linger for a moment, enjoying the scratching-tickling of his beard against them. “You’re my favorite mess,” I said as I pulled away. 

He smiled at me. “Good, because it doesn’t get much better than this,” he joked.

I brushed a curl back from his forehead and let my fingers skim across his brow. He’d meant it as a joke, but sitting there with him, I couldn’t help but think it was true: It didn’t get much better than that.

I knew that Walter was tired. He kept yawning - and apologizing for it - during dinner. I kept telling him it was fine, that I understood, but he still seemed slightly embarrassed by it. After I cleared the table, I was going to get the tiramisu from the fridge but paused by the coffee pot on my way. 

“Do you want me to make you some coffee, Walt?” I asked, turning to look at him.

He’d been dozing and jolted awake, looking almost surprised at his surroundings before his eyes landed on me. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. You need some sleep.”

He nodded, rubbing the heel of his hand against his eye. “Yeah. I should probably go.”

“Or you could stay. You said you slept well last night, and I’d be worried about you if you drove home this tired,” I said. “And, you know, I kind of enjoyed it, too.”

“This isn’t an act just so I can get in your bed again.”

“I know.” I walked over to him and ran a hand over his hair, brushing it back from his face. I tilted my head towards the doorway. “Come on, bear. Go on up. Your sweatpants are folded on the chair in my room.”

He stood up in front of me. “Let me help you clean.”

I shook my head. “I’m not cleaning tonight. It’ll be there tomorrow. I’m going to set the coffee maker for the morning and lock up. That’s it.” 

He gave me a look that was the closest to pouting as I’d ever seen on him. “I’ll wait with you.” 

He followed me back to the coffee pot and wrapped his arms around my waist as I filled it with water, then put in a new filter and coffee grounds. As I set the timer, he left slow, open mouth kisses down my neck. I may have been complimentary when I was sleepy, but Marshall, as it turned out, was clingy. And I didn’t mind it one bit. 

“Let’s lock up,” I said to him. 

He buried his face in the crook of my neck and let out a breath. He stayed that way for a moment, then said, “Okay.”

He let me go and we snuffed out the candles, then he stayed close as I locked all the doors and turned off the lights. Going up the stairs, he held my hand, trailing behind me because the stairwell was too narrow for the two of us to walk side by side. When we reached my room, I gently nudged him in. 

“I’m going to the bathroom. Go get comfortable and I’ll be back in a minute,” I said. 

He just nodded his reply.

I continued down the hall to the bathroom. I had a laundry basket of clean pajamas to pick from, so I had a quick pee, then changed before piling my hair up in a bun. When I went back to my room, Marshall was already in bed. He was on his side and looked asleep. But after I turned off the light, I got in bed beside him and he immediately scooted closer.

“Do you want me to hold you?” he asked sleepily. 

“I was kind of hoping we could switch and you’d let me hold you,” I said. He cracked his eyes open and looked at me, the crease between his eyebrows visible in the dark. “Not in a backpack, koala type deal, like you hold me.” 

“How?”

“Like this.” I placed his arm around my middle, then gently guided him until his head was resting on my chest. I pulled the covers up around us before wrapping my own arm around him, lightly rubbing his back, leaving my right hand free to rake through his curls.

“You’re not wasting any time taking me up on my offer to play with my hair, are you?” he mumbled.

I smiled. “Nope. Is that okay?” He nodded. I let my fingers sink to his scalp and lightly began scratching it. After just a few seconds, his body weight seemed to double as he relaxed, melting into me, and the mattress. “Is this comfortable for you?” I asked, even though I knew the answer. “We can switch if it’s not.”

“No, s’good,” he said, his words slurred. 

I kissed his forehead and continued to scratch his scalp. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Holding him to me, I could feel his breathing slow and even out as sleep claimed him in a matter of seconds. But even after he fell asleep, I didn’t stop. I held that big bear to me and loved on him as much as I could, hoping that even in his sleep, he could feel it. My plans to spoil him that night had only included cooking dinner and getting him to relax for an hour. What I got was so much better. I had never cared for a man as much as I cared about him. All I wanted for the rest of my life was the deep peace that welled up in me as I held him. 

I woke the next morning with a hazy, dreamy feeling. I was warm and wrapped up and for a moment, I thought I was at the beach, stretched out on a towel under the sun. I expected to smell the ocean air, but when I breathed in, it was something else. Something better. Something that gave me the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. That feeling slowly began to peel the layers of sleep back from my mind, and as I began to wake, I felt the feeling of fingertips grazing up and down my back. Then I felt a kiss on my forehead. Soft, warm lips lingering on my skin, finally waking me up.

I opened my eyes and all thoughts of the beach disappeared. Gray sunlight streamed in from my window, lighting up my room enough for me to see Marshall’s face as he smiled at me. 

“Good morning, darling,” he said quietly. He was on his side, just inches away from me. 

“Good morning,” I said. 

I blinked, letting my eyes adjust to the light, and taking in the form of the beautiful man in front of me. His head was propped up with one hand, his bare bicep next to my pillow, and roughly half the size of my head. His chest was mesmerizing as it rhythmically rose and fell. I’d never been attracted to chest hair before, but Marshall changed all of that. Without a second thought, I reached out and ran my fingers through it. He hummed contentedly. 

“How did you sleep?” I asked. 

“Like a rock.” His hand stilled at the small of my back. “How about you?”

“Amazing. You’re deceptively comfy for someone so stout.”

He laughed. “Am I?”

I nodded. “I like it.” 

I leaned forward and kissed his chest, the hair tickling my nose. His hand moved from my back as he reached up to cradle my head while I continued to pepper his skin with soft kisses. When I made it to the juncture of his shoulder and neck, he tilted my head back and captured my lips in a slow, lazy kiss. He pressed my back into the bed and was over me, surrounding me, as he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to hold him as close to me as I could. He left me panting as his mouth moved from mine and kissed across my jaw and down to my neck. There was a spot behind my ear that he knew was my weakness, and he went straight for it. He nipped at it with his teeth before kissing it, and I went boneless against him. 

“I love it when you do that,” I breathed. 

His lips ghosted over my ear. I could feel his hot breath on me, sending a shiver down my spine and goosebumps across my skin. “I love doing it to you.” 

“It’s a shame I don’t live alone anymore. I could get used to waking up like this more often.”

He nosed my ear, kissing the underside of my jaw. “I live alone,” he said. “For the most part.”

“Are you bragging?”

He laughed. “No. Just letting you know that the next sleepover could be at my house.”

“A sleepover? Can we stay up all night telling ghost stories?” I joked.

“Anything for you, my love.”

“Anything is a dangerous promise, mister.”

He looked down at me. “And yet I mean it.”

I smiled. “You really do like me, huh?”

He pressed his forehead to mine. “I really do,” he said. “Actually, I…” He made his grunting-humming sound, then shook his head.

“You what?” I gasped jokingly. “Do you like like me, Walt?”

He looked me in the eye, smiling at me. “You’re the only one who calls me that, you know?”

I played with the hair at his neck, twirling a curl around my finger. “I didn’t know.” 

“I’m fairly sure most people don’t even know I have a first name.”

“I feel pretty special that you told me, then.”

“You are special.”

“And that’s why you like like me, right?” I teased. 

He let out a long, measured breath. “That’s why I love you.”

My heart felt like it stopped completely. “Are you serious?” I whispered.

He suddenly looked nervous. “I am. Is...is that okay?”

“Is it okay that you love me?”

He looked so boyish as he nodded. “Yeah.”

“Yes, it’s okay.” I took his face in my hands. “Yes, yes, yes!” I said, peppering kisses all over it. “It’s…” I couldn’t even think of the right word. 

“Not too soon?” he questioned, though his worry seemed to be fading some after my reaction.

I shook my head. “No. Not at all, bear. It’s right on time.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Is it, now?”

“It is,” I said. “Because I love you, too.”

The smile he gave me right then made my heart flutter like never before. There were no worry lines on his face, no concern, just happiness. I wanted to cry at how beautiful it looked on him. “Do you really?”

“More than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

He kissed me and it was like he was trying to pour every ounce of love he felt for me into it. It was so overwhelming that, finally, I did cry. Marshall held me and kissed the tears from my face.

The morning before, I thought that I couldn’t put into words what I felt for him. But right then, the words came so quickly, it was like I’d been saying them all along. 

“I love you,” I whispered. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

[dearest-bucky]

One more try (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary:  Bucky and Y/n hate each other! Or do they?

Words: 6.1K

Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of blood, fluff

A/n: This is written for @buckysknifecollection‘s writing challenge, I had no. 11 - Enemies to lovers. Thank you so much Ellie for allowing me to be a part of your challenge, it has been a genuine pleasure for me! ❤️ p.s. I’m sorry you’re getting another notification for this, I’ve had to make a new blog and repost everything smh..  Feedback is always appreciated! x

Originally posted: August 22, 2020

Only one ray of sun was able to make its way inside her room, which was otherwise dark and gloomy. That lonesome ray of light, like a beacon of hope, illuminated her face and she threw one of her pillows over her head to escape it. Not even a minute later her alarm started ringing and Y/n groaned in annoyance, but she knew she had to wake up. She'd have less than thirty minutes to get breakfast before Natasha hauled her ass to the gym for their morning training. With a pout she got up from her bed, almost blindly finding her way to the bathroom through the mostly dark room.

In record time she got dressed in her work out clothes and quickly left her room to head to the kitchen, she needed coffee - too much coffee - to wake up properly and something to eat to fill her growling stomach.

After an awful night of disturbed sleep, she felt like punching anyone who so much as looked her way. Heavy steps directed her to the communal kitchen and she hoped it would be empty, not even a little bit  in the mood to interact with anyone before breakfast, but her hope was crashed as soon as she heard the voices of several team members chatting idly over their own meals.

"Good morning Y/n." Steve was the first one to greet her and she could only grunt out her reply to him, moving purposefully to the coffee machine. So close to salvation, she thought as she grabbed a mug from the cupboards, but apparently it was already decided this was going to be 'Y/n's very shitty day!' because the coffee pot was empty when she turned to fill her mug.

"Great! Who the hell drank all the coffee?" She rose her voice in annoyance and everyone's head turned to her. She eyed them all, all of them looking confused at her outburst, only one person had the decency to look sheepish as he sipped uncomfortably on his own coffee.

"Sorry doll, I had a refill just before you came and didn't think to make more." Bucky. Of course it would be him; the bane of her existence.

"Of course it would be you!" She scoffed at him while moving around to make more coffee for herself. "Asshole." She muttered as her back was turned to him but everyone heard it anyway, Bucky included.

"Excuse me!" He spoke up, getting slightly irritated at her. "You can say that to my face." This was usual for them, their relationship consisted of insults and mean words thrown to each other. Steve put his hand on Bucky's shoulder, silently asking him to not start an argument with Y/n again, but the brunette had already made his mind. Y/n spoke again under her breath, probably a curse word meant for Bucky, but didn't turn around to speak to him directly. "I don't know what's your problem," he then continued after not receiving an answer from her. "but it doesn't give you the right to be a bitch."

That only worsened her mood and she turned around to finally look directly at him, rage evident in her eyes and features. "Yeah, maybe I'm a bitch, Barnes, but that doesn't mean you're not still a selfish brainless fuck." As soon as the words left her mouth she regretted them, but it was already too late to take them back. She saw his face fall immediately, heard a shocked gasp fall from Wanda's lips who had been silently eating her cereal next to Bucky. Steve only looked her way, his signature "eyebrows of disappointment" look evident on his face.

Y/n wanted to apologize, she truly did, having already regretted the words that spilled out of her mouth before she even spoke them, but before she could say another word Tony entered in the kitchen with his usual light step, unaware of the tension around. "Good morning, kids." He said. "Barnes, I'm glad you're here." There was an easiness in the way he spoke, the absolute contrary of the conversation that had happened literally two minutes ago. Bucky let out a low grunt in acknowledgement, but said nothing as he waited for Tony to say what he had to say. "There's this journalist that's been on my back for a while now, wanting to do an interview with the Avengers. But since we're rather busy with other small, meaningless things like saving the world." Tony and his sarcasm. "You're gonna have to do it."

"Why me?" Were the only words Bucky said, not in the mood to engage in another conversation for the day.

"Because the rest of us have to leave on a mission this afternoon." The billionaire explained. "The interview is set for today at 5pm. The journalist will come here at the compound, one of the offices is set up for her to do this. And don't worry, you won't be alone, Y/n will stay with you."

At that her and Bucky visibly panicked and Y/n was the first to start the protesting, but Tony was having none of it. "Don't bother wasting either of our times, that's already decided Y/n." She wanted to say something but Tony didn't let her. "Nuh-uh." He held his hand up to stop her. "You and Barnes will represent the Avengers today and that's final. Besides, your arm isn't still fully healed for another mission anyway, so there's that too. Now the rest of us, let's get ready to kick some Hydra ass." He left the kitchen just as he entered it, that same strut in his step still present.

Steve and Wanda finished their breakfast and got up from their seats wordlessly, only patting Bucky lightly on the shoulder before they left the kitchen, leaving Bucky and Y/n there alone. To say the air was uncomfortable would be severely underestimating it. One could literally cut the tension with a knife. Y/n wanted to apologize to Bucky for earlier but he got up too, putting his empty mug in the sink and leaving Y/n behind too, alone with her thoughts and feelings of shame and guilt.

Way to ruin everyone's day!

Just like Tony said, at precisely 5 o'clock in the afternoon, the journalist was at the compound, along with a cameraman. The office had been set already, only Bucky was missing. Y/n was there to greet the young woman who seemed too enthusiastic to be doing this, she even asked Y/n for an autograph which she promised to give after the interview. A few minutes later Bucky showed up too, the same somber expression in his face that was painted after Y/n's outburst in the morning in the kitchen.

The interview was going well, the journalist asking questions about the Avengers in general, the missions and Y/n and Bucky answered all of her questions in turn, being kind and polite to the young woman, but after some more questioning she decided it was time to show her true colors.

"So mister Barnes, how do you feel about everything that happened to you as the Winter Soldier and I was wondering whether you think you're free of all that.. I mean do you think you are truly over that part of your life?" The world came to a stop as she asked her question, even the air seemed to have stilled in the meantime. Bucky was like a deer caught in the headlights, fumbling with himself to get the words out in answer, but he couldn't. He couldn't form not one single coherent thought to reply to that. Y/n was shocked too by the rudeness of the journalist and she turned her head on the side to look at Bucky, finding him glued in place, an unreadable expression on his face, he wasn't even blinking anymore.

Y/n felt so bad, thinking she was so mean to him in the morning and now this stupid journalist was doing the exact same thing that she had done earlier, she knew she had to do something, so without losing another moment she replied instead of Bucky. "Every question pertaining to the psychological evaluation of Sargent Barnes has been already answered in the court room when the State declared him innocent two years ago. You have no right to be asking that kind of question, you-"

She wanted to say more but the other woman interrupted her. "No, I was just wondering if... I mean Mr. Barnes could..."

This time it was Y/n's turn to interrupt her, raising her hand to signal her to stop speaking and getting up from the chair she was sitting. "You can show yourselves out." Was all she said before walking out of the office, Bucky following right behind her, a little stunned by her behavior.

She was walking to her room when Bucky called behind her, making her freeze in the spot. She turned around to face him, silently waiting for him to speak first. He seemed still a little flushed from the situation before, but he spoke before he could lose his nerve. "Y/n, um.. Thanks, uhh for.. you know.. that.." He stuttered his words out with difficulty. "You didn't have to do that but thanks." He seemed embarrassed as he turned to leave her alone, but Y/n stopped him, her hand reaching out to grab his wrist lightly.

"I'm sorry." She said. His back was turned to her and he didn't turn to face her, closing his eyes to inhale a deep breath before breaking free of her hold, not saying anything. "I'm really sorry Bucky, you know I didn't mean what I said in the morning." She spoke again to his retreating form as he walked away from her on the opposite side of the hall. She sighed dejected, resuming the way to her own room.

Truth is, Bucky and Y/n have never been friends. They were colleagues and it was all they would ever be. They had each other's back on missions but anything other than that was simply unthinkable. It wasn't always like this. When Y/n had first joined the team, she tried to get along with everyone on the team, but she supposed not everyone likes everyone. To her credit, she'd tried to be on Bucky's good side, being a new member she felt like it was her duty to try and get along with everyone, but the ex-Winter Soldier seemed like he actually hated her, what with the nasty, kind of disgusted looks he sent her way every time they crossed each other in the compound.

She couldn't understand Bucky's hostility towards her, as far as she could tell, she never did anything to offend him in the slightest, but evidently Bucky had already decided he couldn't even stand Y/n.

With time, things seemed to change and Bucky started to at least tolerate her presence around him, but they still couldn't be friendly with each other. Despite Bucky being unfriendly - for the lack of a better word - to her, she couldn't help but feel bad with herself because she actually liked the man. Ironic, isn't it! There was really nothing to dislike about him, from his looks - the man was seriously a treat for the eyes - to his kind nature, which everyone seemed to be on the receiving end of it; everyone except Y/n, who could only witness that from afar.

No matter how hard she tried to be nice to him, it was simply impossible to climb over that wall Bucky had built around himself when it came to Y/n. She finally gave up after some months, but she figured if he didn't treat her as a friend, she'd be a pain in his ass, at least that way she still got his attention somehow. So she'd started to throw words his way, being a sarcastic little shit every time she got the chance. At first Bucky continued to ignore her, just like he had done before, but then her words started to get to him, she started to get under his skin, pushing his buttons every time they were in the same place. It started innocently enough, but after a few months of back and forth, they just kept going at each other's throat all the time, bantering, throwing insults at each other and once the situation had degraded up to the point Steve had to forcefully take Bucky away from Y/n, otherwise they'd most likely end up killing each other.

It became almost natural to them to hate each other, to argue and to throw insults at each other at any given moment. And it had been going on for too long everyone else on the team was getting tired of it.

A few weeks had passed since the interview and the situation at the compound was back to normal, well, kind of. Tony had filed a complaint about the journalist, saying her behavior during the interview had been nothing short of unprofessional and that got her fired. She had it coming though.

Y/n was at the gym, training with Steve in hand to hand combat. Steve insisted everyone trained with everyone so they'd know different fighting techniques and that was a valid point he made. They'd been going at it for about two hours and Y/n was sweating profusely. Once again, Steve managed to kick her feet from underneath and she fell on her back on the mat. Y/n groaned in frustration. "Okay that's enough for today, my muscles are killing me. You're killing me Rogers." Her finger pointed accusingly at him as she laid down, too tired to even consider getting up.

"Or maybe you're just too weak." Came the surprising voice of Bucky who had just entered the gym, wearing only a pair of shorts and nothing else as he walked to the ring, leaning his arms on the ropes.

Ever since the day of the interview, there hadn't been many interaction between them, choosing instead to just ignore each other even when they ran into each other in the compound. Y/n still felt guilty for what she said that day so she didn't want to upset Bucky more than she already had and he had seemed to be in the same board with her because he never said anything; until now.

Y/n only scoffed at his comment, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of her annoyance and still too tired to even argue with anyone, least of all him, but apparently Bucky had something else in mind, because he spoke again. "'S that it, you're too weak, dollface?" His voice held a hint of mischief to it, and no matter how much Y/n wanted to just ignore him and what he said, he knew how to get her riled up. With screaming limbs she managed to get up and move towards him, leaning on the same ropes he was, coming face to face with Bucky as she was staring down at him.

"Right now I am, I'm sure you know how it is to get your ass handled by Steve." She said it so casually, as if she was talking to a friend and not Bucky. Steve on the other side of the ring snorted out a laugh as he sipped from his bottle of water.

Bucky smirked at her words. "Wait 'til you try me then. Your ass won't recover for weeks." And he winked.

"Shut up Barnes." She replied, trying to hide the growing blush on her cheeks and moved to walk away from him and out of the gym, dragging her duffel bag on the floor as she walked, leaving the two men behind.

"You're a punk Buck, why'd you have to tease her like that? You always do this and then you end up saying hurtful things to each other." Steve pointed out with a frown on his face. He seriously hated it when Bucky and Y/n argued with each other, because it left them always fuming and wanting to punch something. That something most of the time was Steve.

"Shut up, jerk. You don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't I?" Steve stared him down until it was starting to get uncomfortable and Bucky left the gym too, not saying anything else to Steve.

Bucky hated to fight with Y/n. If he was being honest, he hated himself for doing it too, but it seemed as if that was the only way there could be some sort of relationship between them. Bucky knew it was mostly his fault. He'd been unwelcoming towards her since the beginning and now it seemed as if it was to late to try and salvage anything. Deep in his heart, Bucky regretted his every action that lead him to here with Y/n, because very deep down, he liked her. Y/n was interesting, to say the least.

When she first joined the team she was too happy, almost too much for Bucky's liking. She was the exact opposite of his haunted soul, too lively, too innocent. She was always nice to him, greeting him with that same mirthful smile every God damn time. She seemed like too much for him at the time anyway and he did his best to steer her as far away from his as possible. And he succeeded at it. He finally managed to make Y/n hate his guts, and he had no one to blame for that but himself. Now, what he wouldn't give to see her lovely smile directed at him, he had lost his chance though.

It had been days on end since they had their last interaction, now it seemed as if Y/n wouldn't spare him even insults or sarcastic remarks anymore. That was still something, he thought to himself. He actually looked forward to teasing her relentlessly every time he ran into her, it was the only way they knew how to talk to each other. But ever since the day of the interview, Y/n had gone way out of her way to ignore him. Bucky knew she didn't mean what she said that morning in the kitchen, he could see the regret written all over her face as soon as the words left her mouth, but that didn't mean that in that moment it hadn't hurt.

Bucky still lived with the feelings of guilt and remorse for everything he'd done as the Soldier and having people slap him in the face with that truth, it hurt more than he'd ever care to admit. Especially when one of those people was Y/n. Despite the fact that he knew she didn't mean it, what she said was true and a lot of other people thought so too. That journalist thought so too. He still remembers how Y/n stood up for him, showing the door to that rude journalist and he can't help the flutter in his heart at the sentiment. He had decided then and there to forgive her for the words she said, before she even apologized to him in the hall. Bucky had called her a bitch too, so he was as guilty as her.

"Wake up, Buck. Urgent mission." Steve shaking his shoulder slightly woke him up, not registering his words yet and humming in question sleepily. Steve repeated himself and finally Bucky got up from his bed, fully awake and conscious.

Steve hated to wake him up, he knew Bucky barely slept enough as it was, but being an Avenger meant urgent, impromptu missions the entire time. They walked to the jet together, finding the rest of the team already seated there. Apparently they were all waiting for Bucky.

"Good morning." He greeted everyone and almost everyone greeted him back.

"Finally the Sleeping Beauty decided to join us." Y/n's voice rang in his ears and he inwardly smiled at her words. It seemed like there was some kind of weird normalcy back, despite the fact that Y/n still didn't meet his eye most of the time.

"I was actually fixing my hair, princess. Not all of us enjoy wearing the same crappy looks you serve." He replied to her, the same sarcastic but playful hint in the tone of his voice. Her hair was up in a sleek ponytail and there was a natural morning glow on her face that made her look as beautiful as ever. Bucky only liked to give her shit, but in reality he loved how she looked all the time. Y/n was about to reply again but Steve didn't let her, saying how they had to debrief the mission before going blind in the war zone. That shut them both up as they listened to the Captain explain what was going on and what they had to deal with.

"Second floor is clear, I'm going up." Bucky spoke in the ear piece that everyone shared connection with. Another Hydra base to wipe up. Nothing they hadn't done before. The only downside to it was the fact that it seemed like their 'Cut one head, two more shall take its place' motto, was proving to be true because lately more Hydra bases were showing on the Avengers' radar. It was getting irritating.

"Okay, just be careful." He heard Steve's voice in his comm and scoffed lightly. That punk and his mother hen tendencies.

The team had been searching the place for around an hour and they had found nothing yet. The halls and the offices were mostly empty. It seemed as if they had abandoned it just before the Avengers arrived, but still something just didn't sit right with Bucky. Call it a gut feeling or whatever, he simply knew that this couldn't be as easy as it seemed to be at the moment. He climbed the stairs to the upper floor, his gun in the ready to shoot anyone who crossed him. Just as he was about to turn on the left, a series of gunshots was heard from the other side of the floor Bucky was in.

"What's going on?" He asked quickly, a chilling feeling of panic settling slowly in his bones. He walked towards the noise, hoping whoever it was there from his team, was doing fine. Just as he made another turn, another gunshot was heard, then several more. His gun in the ready, he looked in front of him, finding two Hydra agents shooting at somebody he couldn't still see from where he was. He fired at them without missing a beat and when they saw him they ran in the opposite direction, trying to save themselves.

Hurrying he walked towards where the Hydra agents were shooting, his eyes widening in horror at the sight in front of him. He rushed to get a closer look at the person who was laying down just a few steps away from him and he reached her he fell to his knees next to her.

"Oh my God." He said in panic. "Y/n, can you listen to me?" He patted her cheek lightly, trying to gain her attention and it worked because she averted her eyes to look at him.

Her entire abdomen was bloody, the navy blue cat suit stained with her blood. There were at least three bullet holes in her abdomen and one in her thigh and she was losing too much blood, too quickly. "Y/n, what the hell!" He yelled in panic, then finally came to his sense to notify the team. "Y/n's been shot. Several gunshot wounds in the abdomen. I need immediate evac. I repeat, I need immediate evac." Then he looked at Y/n, fear still evident in his eyes. "Hey, keep your eyes on me okay, look at me. It's going to be okay." He spoke in a rush, wanting to somehow make her feel better.

"Buc-" she tried to speak but she started coughing, then only a second later she was spitting blood from her mouth.

"It's okay, please don't speak. I just need you to stay awake right now." With careful movements he scooped her up in his arms, then started walking as quickly as possible to the exit. He could hear Tony's voice in his ear telling him that the jet was ready to get back at the compound, but he couldn't say anything back to him as he kept his eyes to Y/n. She was staring back at him, not daring to break eye contact, as if she were memorizing his features, the blue of his eyes, the slope of his nose, the scruff on his cheeks, the dimple on his chin. She was looking at him as if it was the last time and he didn't like it one bit. Her eyes started to flutter closed as more blood came out of her bullet wounds and Bucky yelled at her to keep looking at him. And she did.

"Bu- Bucky..." She tried to speak again but she was too tired to even form out the words. Instead she rose her bloodied hand to his face and cupped his cheek softly, but it quickly fell off as she lost the consciousness.

"No, no, no, no, no." He repeated in a frenzy as he was finally out of the facility and only a few more steps away from the jet. He practically ran the remaining distance and placed her in one of the cots there, carefully laying her down. Tony was the first to do a full body scan with Friday and put an oxygen mask on her mouth. Natasha pressed some rags on her wounds to stop the bleeding and that was all they could do at the moment. At the compound the doctors were ready to bring her in and take care of Y/n.

Bucky was pacing around the small space of the jet, mumbling to himself, he was actually driving himself and everyone else around him crazy. Steve got up from his seat and placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Come sit." He spoke softly and Bucky simply nodded, obeying to him, not having even the slightest amount of force to say no.

Soon enough they arrived at the compound and Y/n was immediately taken in surgery. She had lost too much blood already and every second that passed without removing the bullets and closing her wounds was a second that could lead her to death.

Just like before, Bucky resumed to his pacing, this time in the hall of the med bay, waiting impatiently for the doctors to come out of the surgery room and say something. He'd been there for three hours already, not having left the spot for even one moment. While everyone had gone to their rooms to shower and change, Bucky had glued himself at the med bay and he wasn't planning to go away until the doctors came out with some news.

"You should go to your room and take a shower, change your clothes." Steve spoke behind him, hoping to convince him. Bucky turned around to face his friend, fear written across his face evidently and he shook his head slightly.

"I'm not going anywhere until I know she's okay." He replied, voice cracking a little with each word he spoke and Steve couldn't help but feel bad for his friend. There was a stain of blood on his cheek, mixed with streaks of tears that had ran down his face. He looked as miserable as he felt.

"Bucky..." Steve tried again but Bucky was having none of it.

"I said no." He yelled at him, then more tears ran down both of his cheeks, his voice losing all the sound, his next words coming out in a broken whisper. "I can't... I just, I can't lose her." He finally confessed. "I can't fucking lose her Steve." He came to Steve, his forehead resting on his friend's shoulder in defeat.

Steve placed both his hands around his shoulders in a hug. "She's going to be okay. She's strong, pal." He could hear Bucky sniffle but he didn't say anything, silent sobs escaping his lips as his own arms came to wrap around Steve's body, returning the hug. After a few moments in silence Steve tried again. "Please just go take a shower. I'm sure the doctors will be there for some more time, but even if they aren't I'll call you as soon as they come out of that door. I promise." That seemed to finally convince Bucky and he nodded, even though half-heartedly, stepping away from Steve and walking towards the bedrooms.

Up in his room, he was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, staring at the stain of her blood on his cheek. He recalled the way Y/n had looked at him, as if it would be the last time and he quickly shook his head to get rid of the thought. He couldn't lose her. He could not. Not without him never telling her how he truly felt for her. The bickering and arguing back and forth was nice for however long it lasted, but now he needed to tell her that he wanted a real relationship with her. He needed to tell her he loved her.

The thought that ran in his mind shocked him. Did he really love her? But there wasn't a doubt in him as he silently nodded to his reflection in the mirror. Yes, he did. He totally did. With a newfound determination and a rush in his bones, he quickly discarded of his tactical suit and moved under the stream of water, washing away all the tears and blood and grime. He was quick and thorough to wash himself and he rushed to get dressed and get down to the med bay again.

Y/n needed to make it out alive and he would tell her the truth about his feelings. No more hiding behind petty insults and sarcastic comments.

They had to wait for another three hours before the doctors finally came out. Bucky was the first to get up and walk to them, immediately asking them about Y/n. Behind his back, Steve, Sam and Natasha were waiting impatiently to know too.

"The bullets are all out and we closed all of her wounds, but one of them was too close to her spine and more difficult to remove. We hope she will wake up soon. For now she has to rest." One of them explained as calmly as he could.

"You hope? You fucking hope?" Bucky yelled.

"Buck.." Steve tried to calm him down but Bucky wasn't listening.

"No, you shut up." He turned to say to Steve, then back again to the doctors. "You're telling me her life is depending on your fucking hope? I thought you were the best and that's why Stark hired you." He was shouting in their faces and the poor doctors couldn't say anything.

"Mr. Barnes it's too early to speak now." The other doctor said, hoping to calm him down a little. "We did our best, now it's all up to her body and how well she recovers." The doctors excused themselves and walked away, leaving Bucky with his friends there. His mind was running at millions miles per hour, thinking of the worst things that could happen, but he was quick to dismiss those thoughts. Y/n had to wake up! She had to be okay! She had to!!!

Almost a week had passed and there was no sign that she was waking up. Her body was healing in a normal rhythm, but it seemed like it was her mind that wasn't cooperating. The doctors explained it as a short coma that her brain had put her body in to recover fully, but Bucky thought it was just a bunch of bullshit.

Every moment of every day he spent it in the room she was currently at, sitting in a semi comfortable chair next to her bed. He sat there during the day and slept there during the night, even ate next to her when Steve brought him something to put in his stomach after he refused once again to leave her side. He hadn't shower since the day they returned from the mission and he so badly needed to, but he still refused to leave her side.

"You know, doll, when you wake up, the first thing I'm gonna do is kiss you. I'm telling ya this now so when I do it it doesn't come as a surprise to you." He spoke to her as if they were conversing normally. He was always speaking to her, pouring his heart out to her, expressing his love to her, his fears, all of his feelings. And she remained there, immobile and silent while he spoke and spoke.

He was holding her hand in both of his, gently stroking her knuckles with his thumb when the door of the room opened and inside entered Natasha with a determination in her eye no one was able to break. "Get your ass up Barnes. You reek." She spoke to him, a little harsher than she intended to, but he wasn't listening to their kind requests anymore. Bucky only grunted out at her to leave him alone but Nat punched his right shoulder in reprimand. "I didn't ask. Now get your ass up from that chair. You're going to go in your room, and you're going to take a shower and then you can come back here. I'm sure Y/n wouldn't appreciate your unpleasant stink when she wakes up." That last sentence got his attention and he finally relented, albeit still a little unsure, but he got up from the chair and with one final look at Y/n's face he left the room to take a quick shower. Nat was definitely right about him reeking.

Another week scooped up in the same hospital like room, another week she's been silent, still not waking up. Bucky hated the feeling of the unknown, he hated to not have a sure answer, but he figured he'd wait his entire life for her. And that's what he was telling her this time. "I promise baby, you just have to wake up, then you can leave the rest to me. I know I've hurt you in the past and I know you probably really hate me, but I just need only one more try and I'm gonna make you fall in love with me just like I've fallen in love with you."

"Do you promise?"

The hoarse sound of her unused for weeks voice was heard, low and gruff and Bucky couldn't believe that it was actually happening. Still dazed, cupping both her cheeks in his hands he asked. "Y/n?" A little unsure of what to expect, almost certain he had only dreamed the whole thing.

"What, you lost your voice now? You were talking big game before I woke up." She spoke again, this time a little hint of playfulness evident in her otherwise still hoarse voice. Bucky chuckled, finally convinced that he wasn't dreaming and without missing a beat he connected his lips softly to hers, just like he had promised before. He sighed at the contact but broke it too soon for either of their liking.

Her eyes opened slowly to look up at him who was hovering above her, a dreamy smile plastered on his face.

"Hi."

"Hi, doll." He replied to her, a little breathlessly and she grinned up to him. "How much of what I've said this entire time have you heard?"

"Pretty much everything." She answered with the ever present grin. "You've made a lot of promises mister." Her voice held a glint of joy in it, the sound, Bucky was convinced it was angelic.

"And I plan to keep every one of them, sweetheart." He leaned down slightly to kiss her lips again, actually relieved he was able to finally do so. He was so stupid to have lost all that time arguing and fighting, not telling her how he really felt, only coming to his senses when he almost lost her, but he was done running away from his feelings. And apparently so was she. They kept kissing, keeping it slow and sweet, but able to transmit every single feeling into each other. They were so lost in that kiss they didn't even hear the door of the room open and the team entering, finding them lip locked and wrapped up in their own little world.

"Barnes, you asshole, when were you going to tell us that Y/n woke up?