#sort of it's only by like 5 years

[ifimforgotten]

im advertising my super cool murder mystery kazula story (that now has a 2nd chapter woohoo) because im awesome and if drpoisonoaky (and like several other people but i only know you okay) can do it i can too

[nabaath-areng]

" Through the warmest cord of care Your love was sent to me I'm not sure what to do with it Or where to put it... "

[chambers003]

so, something i’ve noticed, something we’ve all noticed, is that tmagp’s episodes don’t quite seem to fit in the same categories as tma’s fears. there was the theory about the fears actually being desires, but i don’t quite think that fits anymore. i won’t discount it completely but there’s something else i’ve noticed which makes… more. sense.

it’s said time and time again in tma that the fears are kinda blurry at the edges - defining them isn’t an exact science. protocol takes this concept to the extreme by having no episodes that can be defined under a single fear. it’s always two or more.

the janitor guy with the weird architecture was a spiral main, but had strong elements of stranger, lonely, and flesh. the guy in the garden was balancing corruption and buried, in both literal and the more metaphorical senses. hilltop road was seemingly a full ritual attempt with all fears, done by the stranger. needles was corruption/flesh to me - the metaphorical sense of corruption that comes with toxic relationships. maybe they even had some eye in them.

as for today’s episode with the dice? well... that’s tricky. but i’ve seen end mentioned but i’m not a fan of that. web’s been thrown around a little, and i agree with that, but i have another suggestion on top of that. extinction. web + extinction = the fear of bad luck. you know it’s coming. you can cheat it, by getting other people to take the falls. but you can’t - or at least you think you can’t - escape it forever. they could’ve stopped rolling the dice anytime. that’s very extinction to me.

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

[solradguy]

Drew Sol twice today... It's like Soltober came a little early this year...

[lolexjpg]

GIRLS WHO SURVIVED UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO GANGGGGGGGGGGG

responding to both of these together I LOVE YOU i never got 2 finish my degree bc they refused to accommodate very reasonable disability accommodations OR give me medical leave :)))))) but when covid hit they were SUDDENLY able to give online classes to everyone :) i still deserve a i survived UoT certificate instead of a diploma at this point

[icewindandboringhorror]

I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic 

[wild-at-mind]

Don't want to tone police anyone else, but I kind of hope that if anyone sent me a misguided ask trying to 'correct' some terminology I used for my own self-identity, I'd be able to reply in a way that didn't frame myself as superior for being out longer than the asker.

[frobby]

I've started on a mission to watch all the precures in order and I'm almost done with futari wa

[alizardjae]

Ohhhh "fun" new headcanon I just came up with: The babyrealms happen because Lilith thinks that's a normal way to raise kids because Anankos did it to her when she was created so he didn't have to deal with a millenium plus of baby dragon and could have a combat-ready servant before everyone he wanted to kill died of old age. Garon just threw Corrin into the Northern Fortress and only took them out once they could fight, so that more or less reinforced for her that that's how parenting works. This is also why Lilith looks like an adult despite ostensibly being around Corrin's age.

[waspsinyouryard]

Now I'm wondering if I have autism + depression or if it's schizoid personality disorder

[non-un-topo]

-

Some bits from my writing today, because I was motivated to return to a WIP and wrote over 3k!

[orcelito]

It's a little funny. I spend so much time compartmentalizing that I convince myself I'm totally fine, of course, all the time.

But when I was filling out the questionnaire before my therapy appointment yesterday, it was like

.... OK yea maybe I have some problems

Also this one 😂😂😂

[slavhew]

a 10 panel comic about control

cont. off this

[m0e-ru]

izanami is such a fucking asshole with Marie that she says—she's TOLD—she's a "spy" on humanity. a little fucking prick decided by the same bitch that lied to her face like it was breathing. I mean, you can't say iznmi's wrong right now because they know that you kept her alive. Which meant they were there at her tomb (BECAUSE THEY WERE THERE TO PERSONALLY CLOSE HER CASKET). BUT this fucking bastard laughs when they notice for the first time that you have the comb. the comb they should be full aware of where it's going, which hands it's being passed to—IF THEY WERE AWARE IN THE FIRST PLACE. if they actually USED Marie as the spy she was made to believe she is. She's the perfect vessel, the perfect walking nanny cam for Inaba, but NO. the ONLY time izanami has ever seen through her was in her tomb. has ever used her. has ever possessed her. in the realm definitely not for humans. the world they were born in and not an external factor to the nature of their birth.

BITCH gives a poor girl, dressed up as the representation of personality and rebellion and her poet aspect showing her loneliness and isolation, a false sense of purpose right when she was born. that she's just a trashcan for fog with a tomb adorned in flowers and memories at its dumpsite. that she was there to watch people and walk around the human world to remember nothing and be remembered by nobody. if yaldaboath can kick an old man out of his stupid blue office, what more than izanami using a child as a periscope in their guinea pig's dreambase of operations and understand the power of Persona and Truth and Bonds and counteract these meddling kids' and their Power of Friendship in stopping the formation of the New World where they can grant the majority's wish to live in lies and their stupid shitfuck fog.

not that I'm saying I do want god to make full use of their powers and have a better advantage at rigging their social experiment that already concluded by this point but like. fucking asshole didn't even need Marie. so why. put her through so much unnecessary grief. why not dispose her form the start when she'd be thrown away in the end anyway. why make her go through this field trip to remember the home she loves and protects if she could only remember.

why make her suffer through this humanity both of you were supposed to have. make her believe she's nothing and have her put herself to sleep quietly pushing away all the people she loves and who love her when you'll just make fun of her entire existence. did you do this to laugh? were the humans you born from give you the template to make people who search for the truth suffer? that anyone thinking of protecting these selfish masses should just die? that developing humanity is a bad thing? that that's your humor? could you not kill her yourself? was this only for your entertainment? a sick representation of the people who gave birth to you truly are?

[lookingforhappy]

i feel like having five's mom be a butcher is such a misunderstanding of five and what his character means.

it implies that the violent, brutal actions he commits are in some way genetic/inherited, rather than cultivated after nearly five/six decades of desperate survival and manipulation. it implies that five was always going to become violent, that he had no chance at being soft or innocent because of his genetics.

and that, to me, takes away so much of the tragedy of his situation.

five doesn't want to be a killer, but he had to become one to have a chance at saving his family. he had to accept the handler's deal because if he didn't, if he refused to kill, he would be stuck in the apocalypse with no one but a mannequin to talk to and no clean water or stable food source or general quality of life.

five's brutality and willingness to kill was man-made and cultivated by the commission. sure, his already there traits helped to propel him towards this outcome, but it wasn't his first or even second choice.

depicting his mother as a butcher by itself is a betrayal of this character. but to also depict her as someone who loves this job, who has won awards for it, who takes pleasure from driving a knife through a slab of meat over and over again?

the implications of five having always enjoyed inflicting pain or of having that base instinct his entire life strips his character of agency, and makes his choice to sacrifice some of his humanity void. he didn't choose to become a killer for any higher purpose or sacrifice, but because he was always going to be that killer, because he enjoyed it.