#source: Hellboy(2019)

[undyingwick]

Lucius: Be my rival. And be revered for who you really are. We belong together, you and I.

Yuno: We do. But it's not going work, you know, cause I'm already have one and you're fucking nuts.

[shittymurderparty]

Redacted: Be my king. We belong together, you and I.

Schmitty: We do, but it's not gonna work, ya know? Cause I'm a Capricorn and you're FUCKING NUTS!

(Source: Hellboy (2019))

[parasociallyawkward]

I think 2024's 'Hellboy: The Crooked Man' may be a solid Comic Book/Horror movie. It may lack the expected grandeur of the former, but it brings more of the latter than one could have anticipated.

To be honest, and I say this as someone who has no familiarity with the source material, this movie isn't the worst Hellboy adaptation. I even liked the 2019 movie, so draw your own conclusions from that.

The first film is great and hasn't lost any of its charm. "Golden Army" has some memorable visuals, but it felt like it was trying to do too much. The third film had some fun set pieces, but the final act just didn't work for me.

With this latest attempt to revitalize the IP, I absolutely can appreciate the decision to bring a much different depiction of the character to life. Again, without knowing the overall tone of the comics, I can only assume that the books more than likely had their share of darker storylines and more Horror-centric content, given the nature of who Hellboy is.

"The Crooked Man" absolutely leans into the macabre and violent, but noticeably smaller budget does show at times, making this feel more like a pilot episode of a limited series, and that is why this movie may not have worked. If they could get less of a SyFy look and more of even an HBO makeover, this could have been a rival to another more mature comic book character who has found new life on streaming.

I can't speak for the authenticity of the film's setting and characters. I don't get the feeling that the movie intends to disparage the Appalachian area, it still feels a bit clichéd. It's not worth trying to debate if this more like 'Winter's Bone' meets 'Evil Dead' or more like 'Hillbilly Elegy' meets 'Blair Witch'.

There's no question of the charm and presence of Ron Pearlman. His two outings stand out mainly due to him and his career-spanning relationship with Guillermo del Toro. That collaboration often yields gold.

David Harbour just needs to find his niche. Maybe he was just backing the wrong big red guy at first? I think Neil Marshall can bring us something bigger and better at some point, but I think his best work comes from his more unique character-driven films. Maybe he'll direct a Disney+ "Red Guardian" series one day.

I can't help but notice that 'Hellboy: The Crooked Man' does feel a bit lacking in terms of bizzare creatures and locations. The titular villain honestly just makes me think of 'Leprechaun' and the zombie segment felt like a Call of Duty expansion.

Still, there were some really nice details about the physical performances as well as the sound design. This was a genuinely more disturbing and creepy version than I was expecting. I don't know how the diehard Mike Mignola fans felt about this movie, and I don't expect them to feel a need to justify those thoughts.

As a Horror fan, I really liked the tone and overall look of the movie. I do think this was a much weirder movie than I expected, so I can see how it may have caught others off guard. My expectations may have been low, but I was pleasantly surprised.

[tomoleary]

Mike Mignola “Hellboy” Movie Original Steelbook Cover Art (2019) Source

[wrongweaponsdrawn]

The Narrator: Be my king. We belong together, you and I.

Tippet: We do, but it's not gonna work, ya know? Cause I'm a Capricorn and you're BLOODY NUTS!

(Source: Hellboy (2019))

[incorrectsoulcaliburquotes]

Ivy: Does [Nightmare's arm] do anything special?

Nightmare: Yeah... it smashes things real good.

[true-king-of-monsters]

Pretty Freaking Correct RWBY

Adam: We belong together, you and I.

Blake: We do, but this is not gonna work because I'm a Capricorn and you're fucking nuts!

[smh0217]

Yandere Cinder AU

Cinder, to a tied up Jaune: We belong together, you and I.

Jaune: We do. But it's not going to work, you know, cause I'm a Capricorn and YOU’RE FUCKING NUTS!

[words-writ-in-starlight]

have you seen the new hellboy teasers !!!

HOLY SHIT I FORGOT TO TELL YOU, THE INTERNET WHOM I TELL EVERYTHING, ABOUT THE FACT THAT I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO GET INTO THE HELLBOY PANEL AT NEW YORK COMIC CON.

SO LIKE NOT ONLY HAVE I SEEN THEM I ACTUALLY SAW THEM OVER A MONTH AGO.

MIKE MIGNOLA IS SO HYPED TO HAVE DAVID HARBOUR AS HELLBOY IT’S FRANKLY ADORABLE, AND LISTEN COMRADE: SAME.  

Okay, so, like, here’s the thing: I actually really enjoy it when people do multiple different really excellent adaptations of a medium.  Like, I think I’ve talked about Constantine and the fact that, yeah, the Keanu Reeves Constantine is radically different from the original comic, but I tend to think it does a better job than the Matt Ryan Constantine of really cutting to the chase in terms of the emotional core of the character.  On the other hand, Matt Ryan’s Constantine has a really gorgeously excellent grasp of the world and the way the world feels, and, also, it’s a TV series and they had a little more than two hours to get to the heart of the matter.  I love them both!  They’re both good!  I also enjoy the comic very much!  The world is full of great concepts!

So, like, del Toro’s Hellboy focuses a lot more on the high fantasy feel of the world, because there’s nothing del Toro loves like he loves spending two and a half hours wallowing in oversaturated emotionally heavy worldbuilding (holy SHIT I love Crimson Peak and Hellboy and Pacific Rim so much).  It’s very...uh, specifically it’s very Hellboy circa The Troll Witch, I think is the thing that comes to mind.  The new Hellboy looks like it’s going to be more Hellboy circa “Don’t mess with me, lady, I’ve been drinking with skeletons”, you feel me?

I am...SO excited.  I loved del Toro’s movie and I’m super ready to love this one.

Incidentally, I REALLY want a poster-sized print of that panel so that I can frame it and hang it in my room.

(Also, they talked a LOT about how much of the movie is practical effects, which is how I know that everything but the flaming sword and fire effect in this poster is just...a really dedicated makeup crew and Dave Harbour’s determination to go Hard As Hell.  Respect, my dude.)

[sayitwillbeokay]

Movies ft. Whump

A work in progress, will be updating as I go  [X] Means I uploaded a clip of the scene to my blog Links take you to Reelgood, a website which can tell you whether the movie is available to stream for you Listed alphabetically

30 days of night (2007)  The Abyss (1989)  The Aeronauts (2019)  The Aftermath (2019) Aladdin (2019)  Aliens (1986)  Allegiant (2016) Annihilation (2018) Apostle (2018) Avatar (2009)                                                                                 [X] Avengers Age of Ultron (2015) Avengers (2012) Bastille day (2016) Batman Begins (2005) Batman vs Superman (2016) Black Swan (2010) Blade Runner 2049 (2017) Blood Diamond (2006) The Bourne Identity (2002) The Bourne Legacy (2012) Captain America: Civil War (2016) Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) Casino Royale (2006) Children of Men (2006) Chocolat (2000) The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)  Clash of the Titans (2010) Constantine (2005) The Core (2003) Cowboys & Aliens (2011) Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014) The Day After Tomorrow (2004) Die Another Day (2002) Divergent (2014) Doctor Strange (2019) Dredd (2012) Drive (2011) The Eagle (2011) Eddie the Eagle (2015) Eight Below (2006) Elysium (2013) The Fast and the Furious (2001) Fast & Furious (2009) Final Girl (2015) Firehouse Dog (2007) A fistful of dollars (1964) Five Feet Apart (2019) Furious 7 (2015) Ghost in the shell (2017) Gladiator (2000) Godzilla (2014) The Great Escape (1963)                                                                [X} Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) Hellboy (2019) The Hitman’s Bodyguard (2017) The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013) Hold the dark (2018) The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013) The Hunger Games (2012) Inception (2010) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) Insurgent (2015) Jack Reacher (2012) Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014) Jamaica Inn (1939) Jane Eyre (2011) John Carter (2012) John Wick: Chapter 3 (2019) Jumper (2008) Jupiter Ascending (2015) Jurassic Park III (2001) King Arthur: Legend of the sword (2017) Kong: Skull Island (2017) Lawless (2012)                                                                               [X] Left Behind (2014) The Legend of Tarzan (2016) The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) Mad Max (1979) Mad Max 2 (1981) Mad Max Fury Road (2015) The Man from U.N.C.L.E (2015) Man of Steel (2013) Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003) The Matrix (1999) Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (2015) The Meg (2018) Mission: Impossible – Fallout (2018) Mortal Engines (2018) The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013) Mute (2018) The New World (2005) Now You See Me 2 (2016) The Old Guard (2020) Pacific Rim (2013) Passengers (2016) Phone Booth (2002) Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) Predators (2010) Premium Rush (2012) Prisoners (2013) Push (2009) Quest for Camelot (1998) Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) Red Sparrow (2018) Resident Evil (2002) Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) Return of the Jedi (1983) Robin Hood (2018) Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) Sahara (2005) Se7en (1995) Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011) Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004) Source Code (2011) Speed (1994) Stargate (1994) Star Trek 2009) Star Trek Beyond (2016) Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) Star Wars: The rise of Skywalker (2019) Suicide Squad (2016) Sunshine (2007) Tenet (2020) Terminator Salvation (2009) Thor: The Dark World (2013) The Time Machine (2002) Titan A.E. (2000) Tombstone (1993)                                                                                 [X] Tomorrowland (2015) Total Recall (2012) Triple Frontier (2019) TRON: Legacy (2010) True Grit (2010) Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) Warrior (2011) Willow (1988)  Wind River (2017) The Wolverine (2013) Wonder Woman (2017) World War Z (2013) X-Men (2000) X-Men: First Class (2011) Zootopia (2016)

Look at my letterboxd for more: https://letterboxd.com/whump/

[omniversalobservations]

Avengers Portal Scene But With More Heroes (2019)

This is a FAN-MADE conceptual video made purely for fun. This is not a real video, nor is it intended to be. This was simply made to show how a film idea could look. I do that by using clips from various productions and transforming them to create something unique. To do that I use visual effects, hire professional voice artists and overlay images. This was not made to fool anyone. It is simply a video for fans to take a glimpse into what a movie could be like. No money was made from this video.

Source: YouTube

#unofficial #Captain America #Superman #Halo #The Falcon #Thanos #Wonder Woman #Matrix #Escape from New York #Spider-Man #Batman #Transformers #Lord of the Rings #300 #Rambo #James Bond #Thor #Iron Man #Power Rangers #Doctor Strange #Wong #Godzilla #Men in Black #Robocop #Indiana Jones #Kill Bill #Wolverine #Alien #Venom #Django #Jumanji #Deadpool #King Kong #Evil Dead #Oblivion #Expendables #Game of Death #Hellboy #Star Wars #Kick Ass #Terminator #Guardians of the Galaxy #Nacho Libre #Black Panther #Ant Man #Back to the Future #Predator #Avatar

[undyingwick]

Lucius: Out of the ashes, a new Eden will emerges. Asta: Okay, I'd appreciate a prophecy with more relatable stakes.

[thenightling]

Snyder Cut predictions:

Okay...

I predict that the night the Snyder Cut is released a LOT of people will check it out, I mean a lot.  It might be record breaking. HBO Max, DC, Snyder fans, and various news sites will spin this and harp on this for as long as possible.

The reviews will probably be mixed, at best, and all negative or mediocre reviews will be blamed on “Jealousy.”   However many of the positive reviews will likely be from those who don’t want to face that it wasn’t as good as they hoped.

After a few months, maybe a full year, it will be semi-forgot by most but Snyder fans will still talk about how it “broke the internet” the night it was released.

I’m cynical.  I don’t really like Zack Snyder, I admit it.  And right now I’m getting Hellboy 2019 “This will be so much darker and grittier than del Toro’s crap!  It’ll actually be faithful to the source material and people will finally see a GOOD Hellboy movie!  You’ll see!” vibes. 

[avalkorn]

2020

MOVIE & TV SHOW

1. Harry Potter and Chamber of Secrets (2002)

2. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

3. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

4. Marriage story (2019)

5. 6 underground (2019)

6. Star Trek. Discovery (S1) (2017)

7. Союз спасения (2019)

8. Dracula (S1) (2020)

9. Richard Jewell (2019)

10. What did Jack do? (2019)*

11. Motherless Brooklyn (2019)

12. 1917 (2019)

13. Little women (2019)

14. Parasite (2019)

15. Hair Love (2019)*

16. Unbelievable (S1) (2019)

17. The New Pope (2020)

18. Cloverfield (2008)

19. Zombieland: Double Tap (2019)

20. Hellboy (2019)

21. The Gentleman (2019)

22. A simple favor (2018)

23. Star Trek. Discovery (S2) (2019)

24. Bombshell (2019)

25. The Current War (2017)

26. Contagion (2011)

27. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018)

28. The Valhalla murders (S1) (2020)

29. Altered carbon (S1) (2018)

30. The laundromat (2019)

31. Ozark (S1) (2017)

32. Bad Moms (2016)

33. Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey (2020)

34. The Dark Knight (2008)

35. The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

36. Insomnia (2002)

37. Interstellar (2014)

38. Along came a spider (2001)

39. Altered carbon (S2) (2020)

40. Mindhunter (S1) (2017)

41. Ozark (S2) (2018)

42. Mission impossible: Chost protocol (2011)

43. Emma (2020)

44. Onward (2020)

45. Ocean's thirteen (2007)

46. The Umbrella Academy (S1) (2019)

47. Altered Carbon: Resleeved (2020)

48. Busanhaeng (2016)

49. Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

50. Brazil (1985)

51. Flight of the Navigator (1986)

52. Rick & Morty (S1) (2014)

53. The Thirteenth Floor (1999)

54. The Children of Men (2006)

55. Кин-дза-дза (1986)

56. Mindhunter (S2) (2019)

57. True History of the Kelly Gang (2019)

58. Rick & Morty (S2) (2015)

59. The Hangover. Part II (2011)

60. Rick & Morty (S3) (2017)

61. Armageddon (1998)

62. Space Cowboys (2000)

63. Interview with the Vampire (1994)

64. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

65. Interstate 60 (2002)

66. Artificial intelligence: AI (2001)

67. Devs (S1) (2020)

68. Ozark (S3) (2020)

69. Bad education (2019)

70. Match Point (2005)

71. Scoop (2006)

72. Fracture (2007)

73. The Guard (2011)

74. American Beauty (1999)

75. The Sixth Sense (1999)

76. Fleabag (S1) (2016)

77. Mr. Nobody (2009)

78. Mission to Mars (2000)

79. Upgrade (2018)

80. Rick & Morty (S4) (2020)

81. Peaky Blinders (S1) (2013)

82. Point Break (1991)

83. Batman Begins (2005)

84. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

85. Brothers (2009)

86. Kicking Out Shoshana (2014)

87. Peaky Blinders (S2) (2014)

88. Берегись автомобиля (1966)

89. Twin Peaks (S3) (2017)

90. Александр Невский (1938)

91. Курьер (1986)

92. Citizen Kane (1941)

93. Летят журавли (1957)

94. Добро пожаловать, или посторонним вход запрещён (1964)

95. Black Summer (S1) (2019)

96. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

97. Sleepy Hollow (1999)

98. 28 Days later (2002)

99. Inception (2010)

100. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

101. The Player (1992)

102. Get Shorty (1995)

103. Cast Away (2000)

104. Be Cool (2005)

105. The Expanse (S1) (2015)

106. I Love You, Man (2008)

107. The Old Guard (2020)

108. Dredd (2012)

109. Jackie Brown (1997)

110. The Umbrella Academy (S2) (2020)

111. Palm Springs (2020)

112. Dorohedoro (S1) (2020)

113. Tenet (2020)

114. The Prestige (2006)

115. Mad Max (1979)

116. Alien (1979)

117. Mad Max 2 (1981)

118. Mad Max. Beyond Thunderdome (1985)

119. The Expanse (S2) (2017)

120. Red Dragon (2002)

121. The Expanse (S3) (2018)

122. Honest Thief (2020)

123. The Expanse (S4) (2019)

124. The Boys (S1) (2019)

125. Extraction (2020)

126. The Boys (S2) (2020)

127. Enola Holmes (2020)

128. Project Power (2020)

129. Tales from the Loop (S1) (2020)

130. The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020)

131. Aliens (1986)

132. Alien 3 (1992)

133. Blood Machines (2019)

134. Durk (2020)

135. Alien Resurrection (1997)

136. James Cameron’s Story of Science Fiction (S1) (2018)

137. Chappie (2015)

138. Man of Steel (2013)

139. Batman v Superman (2016)

140. Suicide Squad (2016)

141. Knives Out (2019)

142. Source Code (2011)

143. Black Mirror (S2) (2013)

144. Apollo 18 (2011)

145. Глубже (2020)

146. Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

147. Nightcrawler (2014)

148. The Mandalorian (S2) (2020)

149. Хандра (2020)

150. The Midnight Sky (2020)

BOOK

1. Ведьмак. Кровь эльфов / "Wiedzmin. Krew elfow" Andrzej Sapkowski (1994)

2. Ведьмак. Час презрения / "Wiedzmin. Czas pogardy" Andrzej Sapkowski (1995)

3. Непридуманные космические истории от первого лица / "Incredible stories from space" Nancy Atkinson (2016)

4. Кровь, пот и пиксели / "Blood, Sweat and Pixels" Jason Schreier (2017)

5. Homo Deus. Краткая история будущего  / "Homo Deus. A brief history of tomorrow" Yuval Noah Harari (2015)

6. Хроники заводной птицы / "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" Haruki Murakami (1994)

7. Задача трёх тел / "The Three-body problem" Liu Cixin (2006)

8. Цвет волшебства / “Colour of Magic“ Terry Pratchett (1983)

9. Безумная звезда / "Light Fantastic" Terry Pratchett (1986)

10. Одиссея капитана Блада / “Captain Blood: His Odyssey” Rafael Sabatini (1922)

11. Хроники капитана Блада / "Chronicles of Captain Blood" Rafael Sabatini (1922)

12. О коллекционерах и коллекционировании  / "About collectors and collectibles" Walter Benjamin (1931)

13. Тёмный лес / "The Dark Forest" Liu Cixin (2008)

14. Вечная жизнь смерти / "Death’s End" Liu Cixin (2010)

15. Ведьмак. Креще��ие огнём / “Wiedzmin. Chrzest ognia” Andrzej Sapkowski (1996)

16. Дзен в искусстве написания книг / «Zen in the Art of Writing» Ray Bradbury (1990)

17. Выстрел / «The Shot» Alexander Pushkin (1831)**

18. Архиерей / «The Bishop» Anton Chekhov (1902)**

19. Морфий / «Morphine» Mikhail Bulgakov (1927)**

20. Аристократка / «Aristocrat» Mikhail Zoshchenko (1923)**

21. Легкое дыхание / «Ligth Breathing» Ivan Bunin (1916)**

22. Грамматика любви / «Grammar of Love» Ivan Bunin (1929)**

23. Алеша Горшок / «Alyosha yhe Pot» Leo Tolstoy (1905)**

24. Сентенция / «Sentence» Varlam Shalamov (1965)**

25. Весна в Фиальте / «Spring in Fialta» Vladimir Nabokov (1938)**

26. Жизнь и приключения сарая Номер XII / Viktor Pelevin (1997)**

27. Музыка / «Music» Vladimir Nabokov (1932)**

28. Запах сарсапарели / «A scent of Sarsaparilla» Ray Bradbury (1958)**

29. Школа для дураков / «A School for Fools» Sasha Sokolov (1976)

30. Голый завтрак / «Naked Lunch» William S. Burroughs (1959)

THEATER

1. Октавия. Трепанация (Электротеатр Станиславский)

2. Барабаны в ночи (Московский театр Пушкина)

3. Захудалый род (Студия театрального искусства)

4. Хорошо темперированные грамоты (Театр Post)

5. Алло (СТД РФ)

6. Сын (РАМТ)

7. Старуха (Студия театрального искусства)

8. Кровавая свадьба (Русдрам Абхазии)

9. Макбет (ТРУ театр)

GAME

1. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (2011)

2. Diablo III (2012)

3. Kingdom Come: Deliverance (2018)

4. Dishonored 2 (2016)

5. Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018)

6. The Division 2 (2019)

7. Fortnite (2017)

8. The Last of Us. Part II (2020)

9. Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order (2019)

10. Call of Duty. WWII (2017)

11. Borderlands 3 (2019)

12. Destiny 2 (2017)

13. NHL 20 (2019)

14. Pillars of Eternity (2015)

15. Wolfenstein: The New Order (2014)

16. Watch Dogs Legion (2020)

* - shortfilm

** - short story

(S) - season; TV Show

[dehorned]

2. What made you decide to write this muse?

    Aw, thank you for sending this, Alyssa! ♡

    ... Erm, looking back - my decision to write Hellboy was a no brainer, but my journey to that decision was like falling into a rabbit hole!

    It happened in the summer of 2019, back when I was still writing on my old Bo Peep blog, @dameincharge​​. ☁ Although it was fun to write the porcelain gal, I had the sudden urge to write someone new from the superhero genre! It was like a weird craving. I still have no idea why or who was I even thinking of writing. I just knew it had to be a superhero.

    I remembered scouring through the Internet for an entire week. In the end, I had like 20 tabs opened in my browser. Each tab was a Wiki on an underrated and obscure Marvel / DC comic superhero. I thought it would be cool to try and write a character that no one knew that much about. And yeah okay, I was sort of hoping that their source material was less overwhelming than the mainstream ones. Unfortunately, as fate would have it, I had to close all those tabs into the void because none of the characters were giving me that Muse Vibe.™ ;o;

    It was a letdown... but at the same time, I thought it was alright. My Bo Peep blog was still fairly new ( like two months old. ) It might be for the best that I didn’t pick up a new muse yet because knowing myself, I would jump ship in a heartbeat. But as days went by, the weird craving mutated into an obnoxious itch. Seriously. It bothered me from morning ‘til beddy-bye. Of course, the only way to stop it was to find a muse that could scratch it away!

    Maybe I have to step out of the Marvel-DC box, I remembered thinking. I mean, there had to be other superheroes I could write. With that train of thought, I spent an entire almost-frenzied night doing my second round of research. In that same night, I stumbled into an article I wished I had bookmarked. It was similar to this list here, except the said article I lost suggested 80 criminally underrated comic books. 80! But anyway, out of the 80 listed comics - it was the Hellboy series that caught my attention. ♡ 

    I honestly only knew Hellboy from watching the Del Toro movies. So, seeing his comic version was a real eye-opener. I also have to say that the art style was what drew me in the first place. The way Mike Mignola drew was so distinctive. It struck me with so much interest that I didn’t miss a beat that night and gave the Hellboy series a shot.

    And right after reading the first issue of the Seed of Destruction at 2 AM, I was blown away! I loved the seamlessly integrated folklores and legends. I loved the underlying nature vs nurture theme. And most especially, I loved how Hellboy was characterized. I was in every sense of the word hooked! I’ve never felt that way - especially towards comics. Hellboy was a first. ♡ That’s why I would often recommend first-time comic readers to give Hellboy a try because it’s an easy series to follow asdfghjkl!

    From then on, I was no longer itching to write some underrated / obscure superhero - I was itching to write Hellboy! And it seems I still got it because I came back to dust off this blog after all this time! ♡♡♡ 

ask me about my muse !   ➤    accepting .​

[moviemunchies]

Hellboy (2019) Review

So I finally watched the new Hellboy movie.

I’m a longtime fan of both the comics and the Guillermo del Toro movies. I was bummed when del Toro announced that any hopes of a third movie in his series were dead, and a little skeptical and stressed when immediately afterward Lionsgate declared that they were making a reboot. But they insisted that it would be a more faithful adaptation of the comics; because while the del Toro films are brilliant and wonderful, they are not very good adaptations of the comics. 

And then the first trailer dropped onto the Internet. And it was… not a good trailer. It focused on humor and violence, the former of which was not very good and the latter of which was gratuitous. Neither of those are features of the comics. Furthermore, the trailer worried me because while character names and backstories were from the comics, the details weren’t: they didn’t act like the characters in the comic. Which isn’t necessarily bad, mind you; a movie adaptation doesn’t need to be precisely like the source material, but the team behind the film claimed it would be accurate to the comics, the trailer with its peppy out-of-place music and terrible comedy and characters that were in-name only versions of the comics characters… the trailer made it look like a bad movie, and I had concerns.

Then the film came out, and reviews came out. They weren’t great. Listen, I don’t think you should put too much stock in review or Rotten Tomatoes; if you’re interested in a movie, you should go see it and form your own opinions. But I don’t think it’s always worthwhile ignoring them. Because the problems described by critics were exactly the things I had anticipated from the trailers. I still resolved to see the movie, but I had less urgency than I really should have. Because by the time I decided I’d go and see it, it was no longer in theaters. 

Whoops!

And because the library system here often makes it hard to put new releases on hold, it took forever before I was able to get my hands on the DVD. But I finally did, and I finally saw the movie, and, uh

It’s a bad movie.

Alright I’ll try to put a positive spin on this first: it has some okay action scenes. It’s got some good design and visuals. And if you’re a fan of the Hellboy comics, maybe you’ll get some joy from seeing some of that stuff on screen.

And that’s kind of it.

I’ve heard some people say, “At least the acting from the lead is good!” I’m going to have to chalk that up to a Your Mileage May Vary thing, because I didn’t find any of the acting in this movie to be particularly outstanding. It’s not terrible, mind you, but there was nothing in it that made me say, “Wow, David Harbour did a fantastic job!” At most, there were some performers who looked like they had fun on set.  Maybe it’s because the acting is betrayed by terrible scripting.

I don’t want to compare this movie to the comics it’s adapted from, because you shouldn’t constantly compare an adaptation to its source material; they’re separate texts. But the makers of the movie kept inviting that comparison. And yeah, you can see from which characters are present and where the plot takes cues from comics, but it rings hollow. “We have Ben Daimio!” Yeah, but you made him British, gave him a different personality, and made his werejaguar form a powerup rather than a curse that’s the worst thing to happen to the BPRD. “We have Alice Monaghan!” Yeah, but instead of an Irish woman who doesn’t age and has a strange connection with the faeries, she’s a British woman that talks to dead people. It’s the shape of the story and the characters, but with different substance. Which wouldn’t be bad if the substance was actually, y’know, good.

Another problem was this film claimed it was going back to the horror genre, instead of the dark fantasy of Guillermo del Toro’s films (again, claiming this was a callback to the comics). But if that’s the case, then it’s the worst kind of horror. There’s barely anything atmospheric about the scenes. This is not the subtle, gothic horror the comics have, or the chilling Lovecraftian horror it delves into. It’s just monsters tearing people limb from limb whenever they’re on screen, spraying blood everywhere. It’s not scary, and it’s disturbing that it happens so often. The film seems to think it’s cool, waving its violence in your face like a child showing you a new toy. But this wasn’t made by children, so it’s just annoying. 

The plot isn’t strong either. It’s adapted from my favorite arc in the comics, but it’s one of the penultimate stories, so using it as a starting point for a film makes very little sense and has the movie doing the film equivalent of cramming before the exam. So often Hellboy will arrive somewhere, and someone will explain who they are and some part of critical backstory, usually with a flashback sequence. So much of this movie is made up of flashbacks, and I’m not sure why. Why did they choose to tell a story that relies so much on previous information, instead of just doing movies about one of those flashbacks?

All of this I might be able to handwave if I liked the characters enough, but I don’t. Hellboy is a whiny, annoying dick who keeps making “witty” comments that make you want to hit him. You know the kind of guy (and it’s usually a guy in my experience) who just won’t stop cracking jokes, almost all of which are not funny, and refuses to shut up no matter what’s going on? That’s how Hellboy is in this movie. The few moments he does get serious feel heavy-handed and tacked on.

He’s also really dumb. He gets easily distracted, and when the Blood Queen talks to him for the first time about how life’s not fair for people like them, he immediately starts whining about how people think he’s a monster and how the bloodthirsty vampires and zombies and demons he’s killed are his “brothers and sisters.” Early on the Osiris Club pretty much admits point blank that they’re sworn to kill him, and then he gets surprised when they stab him in the back.

The side characters aren’t much better. Alice is the annoying spunky girl who Hellboy keeps around by virtue of being the one character other than Bruttenholm who doesn’t want him dead on sight. Daimio is alright, but he’s just a grumpy surly douchebag who’s there to learn that Hellboy’s not so bad after all and doesn’t actually contribute anything plot-wise. Bruttenholm is--

[rubs head]

Look, okay: Ian McShane as Trevor Bruttenholm is such a weird choice that it boggles my mind. They’re going a different direction with the character. Okay, fine. But the way Ian McShane plays him looks like it’s going for the ‘stern and distant father who ultimately cares about his sone more than anything in the world even if he’s a bit of a dick about it.’ Except what they end up getting with his performance is just ‘he’s a dick.’ And his relationship with Hellboy is supposed to be the emotional center of the movie. 

I think, at its core, the movie is trying to distance itself from the Guillermo del Toro films. Which again, wouldn’t be bad if it weren’t for the fact that they do it in the worst ways possible. This film wants to not to repeat the kindly old man Bruttenholm of del Toro’s Hellboy? Let’s make him a bristly douchebag! Getting away from the Hellboy and Liz love story that’s not in the comics anyway? Let’s not have a romance subplot (which is fine!) and instead add a female companion that’s annoying! And instead of an origin story, like with del Toro’s first film, it gives a quick summation of Hellboy’s backstory twenty minutes into the story and doesn’t bother explaining much other than he’s destined to end the world. For Reasons.

They could have made a Hellboy movie that was all of the things they wanted AND a good film. I think it’s definitely possible to make a movie that’s closer to the original comics, and completely different from the del Toro films, was rife full of horror elements, and was a great movie all rolled into one. But that isn’t this movie. This movie’s a mess of a project that makes me shake my head.

I can only recommend if you’re a fan of the original comics and are curious to see how it all went wrong, or to see some of the monsters from the comic art brought to life on screen. But for everyone else? Steer clear. It’s not worth your time or attention.