#special appearance by alistair!

[jacklyn-flynn]

Definitely in the home stretch now! Chapter 20 is up, only seven left to go! (According to my outline, but when do those ever turn out the way we plan?)

[girlb0yfriend]

dragon age update!! finished origins for the second time ever :3

[dalishious]

Zevran Arainai is an Underrated Delight

There is so much depth to Zevran Arainai’s writing that is often overlooked in favour of either sexually objectifying him or ignoring him altogether… which is kind of ironic, considering that’s how so many people in his life have treated him within universe. And then, of course, there’s the biphobia directed at his character back when Dragon Age: Origins first released. He was a joke in many Gamer Bro circles about how they killed him for flirting with their male protagonist. It’s such a shame, really. Because personally speaking, Zevran is one of my favourite characters in the entire Dragon Age franchise.

Zevran’s introduction to the game immediately sets him apart from every other character who is capable of joining the party. He first appears as an enemy; an assassin hired to kill the Warden by Loghain, the Warden’s political opponent. You immediately have the option to either kill him, or add him to the party roster. Zevran does not initially join the Warden’s cause out of the goodness of his heart; he does it because he knows that the Antivan Crows who essentially own him – which we’ll get to – will kill him for failing to assassinate your character. This really paints his original placement within the group’s dynamics in an interesting light. No one really trusts him; Alistair and Morrigan both outright voice this. Zevran himself believes he is only safe with the Warden so long as he makes himself useful, per how he sells his worthiness to the Warden when trying to convince them to let him join. There’s tension there that really makes getting to know him extra interesting, because before anything else, you need to build trust. So, when he’s finally ready to start revealing parts about his personal history, you the player really get to feel like you’ve earned something special from his character.

Zevran’s mother was Dalish, but fell in love with an elf from the city and left her clan behind. Unfortunately, Zevran’s father was assassinated, leaving her with nothing but his debts to pay. She turned to sex work, until she died giving birth to Zevran, and all that debt fell onto him in turn. Zevran was raised by the sex workers in the brothel his mother worked at, until the age of seven, when the Antivan Crow Guildmaster Talav Arainai bought him for seven sovereigns; one of eighteen children made into “compradi” (recruits) that year. In his training, Zevran was tortured in a variety of ways, and in his own words, “taught to know nothing else but murder”. Of those eighteen, Zevran was one of two who survived the training, the other being a human boy named Taliesen. Then, a woman named Rinnala (“Rinna”) was placed into House Arainai from the Azul Contract that dictated the Crows were to take in unwanted bastard children of the Antivan Crown. For a time being, Zevran, Taliesen, and Rinnala worked well together as a professional and romantic trio. But when Zevran and Taliesen were tricked into believing Rinnala betrayed the Crows in an internal Crow scheme, they killed her. When they learned otherwise, Zevran took it particularly rough, combined with the realization of how little he himself mattered, too.

The trauma that Zevran has experienced is something he often makes jokes about, or speaks detached from. I’ve been called out many times on doing the same thing with my own trauma, and I know it’s a pretty commonplace response in others as well. That makes it feel all the more real; his responses are so authentically relatable. It’s also in a way, I find a little therapeutic to get to comfort a character whose survival mechanism has been to downplay his trauma for so long. The Warden is able to tell Zevran that what he’s been through sounds horrible, and even though Zevran tries to excuse things as not being that bad, you gain significant approval from him, just for showing him sympathy. Sympathy is something he’s severely lacked in his life. For all Zevran jokes about his traumatizing experiences, they clearly left a mark on him. Zevran eventually admits to the Warden that he did not actually anticipate being able to kill them, and that what he really wanted in taking on the job was to die. Again, sorry to get personal here for a moment, but I too have attempted suicide, and honestly I still struggle with ideation sometimes. And yet again I must say that I find something really beautiful in a character like Zevran, who is able to find peace and happiness on the other side of surviving such a thing.

As for Zevran’s romance… oh, Zevran’s romance path is such a delight. He is so multidimensional in that he’s very flirtatious and fun, while also showing genuine vulnerability in time. He admits that his role as a Crow meant he was encouraged to use seduction as a tool. His only experience with a true relationship ended very poorly, with Rinna’s death and a wedge forming between him and Taliesen, who he is eventually forced to kill too in the game. One of my favourite moments in the entire game, is when you invite him to your tent and he says no… and if you accept his consensual rights, that is what changes everything for him and the Warden’s relationship. Zevran feels safe and loved, and he gets to be happy. As of Dragon Age: Inquisition, a romanced Zevran is still at the Warden’s side, too, if they’re alive.

I love Zevran Arainai so much. He truly is an amazingly well done character, and deserves so much more respect and interest than he gets.

*Sourced from in-game dialogue and World of Thedas vol. 2

[crepesuzette2023]

In honor of @ilovedig's Birthday: some Beatles fanfics with rare (read: beyond 'straight' mclennon) pairings and unusual POV's!

McHarrison

The @beatleskinkmeme Summer of Love Fanworks Collection has some great new McHarrison fics.

Grateful for Him (@johangeorghohman). Five times George regrets John is in Paul's life, and one time he's grateful. An absolute heartbreaker of a story—so beautiful.

Invisible String (@scurator). Paul and George meet again at the Venus and Mars release party. They moved on; they will always belong together.

Knocking at Your Door (@eveepe). Paul and George kissing through the years, from childhood to Anthology. Special appearance by Paul's eager little prick (and you know I'm sold).

-----

Polycule Beatles

The same collection also has fantastic stories about the Beatles as a four-sided love story:

Deeper than oceans you run (@wonderwall1968). The four of them are reeling in the aftershock of a health scare. A dark, dream-like, intense story. John POV.

Everybody Loves Somebody (@bewareofdarkness). Soulmark AU: The four Beatles are meant to be together. But it doesn't happen without a hitch.

-----

Paul McCartney/Mal Evans

You Won't See Me (@swinginglondon42). Mal is in love with Paul, and can't see he moved on.

-----

John Lennon/Keith Richards

Emotional Rescue (@ohjohnnysblog). Near wordless comfort in the aftermath of a party—and Brian's death.

-----

George Harrison/ Yoko Ono

Miss Oh No (@aquarianshift). Yoko and her obsession with "real men" meets George and his resentment of the band he's nevertheless willing to protect from her. Brief, tense and hot encounter.

-----

John/Paul/George

I'd Love to Turn You On (sleeprettydarling). George knows Paul and John are lovers. He's curious. They show him.

-----

Brian Epstein/ Alistair Taylor

Another Kind of Love (Naraht). Lovely story about deep friendship and loyalty.

-----

George Harrison/ Bob Dylan

On the Avenue (@aquarianshift). Two weird men desire each other. George's soul splits from the Beatles. Dream-like and strange, but absolutely grounded in sensuality.

-----

George Harrison/John Lennon & George Harrison/Paul McCartney

Sour Milk Sea (You & You & Me) (cloudy_blue). John and Paul and George through the years. Relationship study.

-----

George Harrison/John Lennon

At Mercy (@eveepe). George and John are girls and in the same band. John was never more John than in this story. "How was I?"

-----

Paul McCartney/ Peter Asher

still mates (@pauls1967moustache). Perennial favorite, because it makes so much sense for Paul and Peter to have a misguided one-night-stand while Lennon/McCartney are falling into Mount Doom. If you didn't think you could fall in love with Peter Asher, think again. He's brave and wonderful in this story.

-----

Paul McCartney/ Donovan

Bound to be the very next phase (downtothelastdrop). Paul satisfies his curiosity in Rishikesh.

-----

Paul McCartney/ George Martin

Fixing A Hole (@m1ssunderstanding). Very much a George vs. Jim story.

-----

Linda McCartney/Paul McCartney/Denny Laine

Red Light, Green Light, Strawberry Wine (@savageandwise). Another all time favorite. Linda POV. A hot and angry threesome while Paul is waiting for John to call him back again.

-----

Unusual POV's

The Macs (@revollver). 1969 'we eloped to Scotland' John and Paul through the eyes of Mike McCartney.

Playing the Mind Guerilla (Anonymous). John and Paul through the eyes of George, Stu, and (wait for it) Nigel Walley.

I've Seen You, Beauty (bakerstreetafternoon). Paris '61 John and Paul through the eyes of Jürgen Vollmer.

Another Girl (@boshemians). AHDN Beatles through the eyes of Astrid Kirchherr.

Why Buy the Cow (RedheadAmongWolves). Early Days John and Paul through the eyes of the milkman.

I only have eyes for you (ififellinlovewithyou). John's collage and body horror.

Butts and Beatles: What the Ciggie Carton Saw (@waveofahand). The Beatles through the eyes of their cigarettes.

-----

Paul McCartney/Yoko Ono; Paul McCartney & Yoko Ono

Raglan Road (@savageandwise): Paul and Yoko make love after John's death. "He was their shared language. He was their lexicon. Their language was John."

White Swan, Black Swan (@savageandwise). Companion piece to the above. Yoko writes a poem to Paul. Incredible. This is the stuff I live for.

mesmerized by mythology (peculiar_mademoiselle). Paul and Yoko through the years.

Opposites (Selena). 1975. A visit from Paul and Linda to the Dakota. From Yoko's point of view.

Regeneration (@scurator). Yoko and Paul as widows. Paul is flirting. Yoko is not disinclined.

a great threat (@pauls1967moustache). Paul and Yoko are both women, and artists, and John's partners, and it makes everything so much worse.

modern love (caesdoublesteps). To break the angsty mood: Paul and Yoko meet to discuss her handing over the movie Self Portrait. Yoko POV; very amusing!

-----

Paul McCartney/Stuart Sutcliffe; Paul McCartney & Stuart Sutcliffe

The Bass Lesson (@aquarianshift). I sill stop reccing this hot, awkward, throbbing-with-resentment Paul/Stu sex when I'm dead.

Baselines (cloudy_blue). Stu hands over his bass guitar to Paul.

-----

And finally: Some @ilovedig Originals!

I Lost My Little Boy (Paul/Ian James, Paul/John). The Woolton Fete, but it starts as a date for Paul and Ian James.

Jane Did an Interview (Paul/everyone). Open-ended series with self-contained chapters. Old Paul and a possible life partner respond to Jane Asher's ominous refusal to mention Paul in an interview. Mini relationship portraits, from John to Klaus Voormann.

Happy Birthday! I hope the universe will send that epic and romantic Paul McCartney/Werner 'Icke' Braun-fic your way...sooner rather than later!

[nimthirielrinon]

Oh, Alistair. Oh, sweetheart…

Do you really know what's going on here? The Blight, the civil war. I really wonder how much of it you understand.

(He wags tail happily.)

wete all special... big parts to play. Even you. Especially you, in some ways.

You are the mabari. You guard one of the most important people-

(Excited bark!)

what?

(Excited barking!)

You... you want to play? But I'm talking, Why doesn't anyone want to hear me talk?

[Dog appears to lean in toward Alistair]

[tales-of-osinia]

"In Scorching Waters" is an +18 interactive fiction fantasy story, featuring adventure, magic, and romance.

Demo coming soon. Inbox open for questions! (Minors, please DNI)

You are a deserter. You want nothing to do with the Kingdom and its army, with battle magic, or with the past life you’ve buried. That is, until one day you return home to find an old friend waiting for you by your doorstep, with a proposition that will have you putting your old skills to use in exchange for valuable information on your long-lost family.

After being taken from your family at a young age, you spent many years of your life honing your magic skills for combat and then serving in the army of the Kingdom of Keth. For a long time during the current war efforts against the Kingdom of Ashara, you had served your nation loyally – willingly or not –, until something made you turn your back on it.

It’s been four years since you started living a quiet, discrete life on an island far away from Keth’s influence. That is, until you return home one day to find Al, an old friend from the army, waiting for you by your doorstep, with a proposition that will have you putting your old skills to use in exchange for valuable information on your family.

The situation, as it stands: Al’s uncle, an important political figure in Keth, has been captured by a group who now hold the power to destroy their family’s political standing within the Kingdom – and that would be a best-case scenario. With negotiations for his release falling apart, Al has gathered a team of people who all depend on and/or would benefit from their family maintaining political power, and is planning to sail across the seas to release said uncle from captivity. They are asking you to join this quest, and in exchange, they promise you nothing short of your greatest wish: information on the family you were torn away from more than a decade ago.

Join in on a rescue mission that will have you sailing through dangerous seas, with mostly strangers for company.

Boost team morale and learn to work as a unit to survive the dangers of the journey, or face the consequences.

Face magically-induced weather events, mystical beasts, human criminals, and more.

Restore your years-long friendship with an old army companion, or push them even further away.

Pursue romance with someone from your new team (with two someones, perhaps), or have a fling with one of the crewmates.

And most importantly: make sure the mission succeeds and you survive to get the information that made you tag along on this journey in the first place.

Play as a man, woman, or non-binary person. Pick your character’s name, gender, pronouns, appearance, and sexual orientation.

Decide your combat magic specialization: play as an Elementalist, balancing the duality of fire and ice to unleash both frost and infernos on your enemies; a Countermage, proficient in shielding and warding yourself and your allies, and in negating magical effects; or an Electromancer, an expert in manipulating charges, currents, and electricity to wield lightning with your bare hands.

Choose how to approach your new companions: be cold, be rude, keep a professional distance, create new friendships, or perhaps do some flirting.

Different romances available: a friend from your old life, whom you estranged after disappearing without saying goodbye; a scholar turned outlaw, disenchanted and hardened after his fall from grace; or a sweet nomad, who despite spending most of their time alone in the wilderness, is the most excited one about the current company. (possible additions in the future)

Al, the Old Friend (Alistair/Alissa) – M/F, he/him or she/her. RO.

Dark brown skin. Coiled black hair, oval-shaped face. Alistair has a short, well-kept beard. Round dark brown eyes, straight eyebrows, long eyelashes, and a button nose. And the perfect posture of someone who has spent all their life training on how to present themselves in front of the masses. Alistair: 5’9, Alissa: 5’6.

Al comes from a prestigious family with a long, respected political history in the Kingdom of Keth, and they have spent their entire lives preparing for an eventual future in politics like the rest of their family. Al was one of the first people you met when you left the academy to join the mage army, and the two of you grew very close over the years serving in the same squad. And then you fled from the Kingdom without saying goodbye.

Possible variations: 1. close friends; 2. close friends and MC was in love with Al; 3. close friends in love, but neither tried to cross the final line. (Note: this choice won’t lock you out of romancing other characters/lock you into romancing Al.)

Kaden, the Outlaw – M, he/him. RO.

Light beige skin. Slightly rectangular face shape, with a square chin, with a cleft. Hooded, upturned brown eyes, with dark upward eyebrows. Starting to develop soft frown lines between the eyes due to constant frowning (both out of annoyance and due to his mild nearsightedness). Shoulder-length, straight black hair, kept partially tied back. 5’11.

Kaden was once a brilliant historian and archaeologist, but he stepped on too many powerful toes in his attempts to disseminate his research. His dismissal from the field, academia, and eventually from the Kingdom’s capital was as quiet and surreptitious as the removal of his publications from bookshelves.

His reason for joining in on this dangerous quest isn’t clear, but it certainly isn’t out of affection or respect for Al.

Castis/Catalina, the Nomad – M/F, he/him or she/her. RO.

Light, tanned skin. Heart-shaped face, with a pointy chin. Almond-shaped green eyes, thick rounded eyebrows, and a straight nose. Freckles all over the face and shoulders. Wavy, light brown hair that reaches a little below the shoulders. Castis: 5’10, Catalina: 5’9.

C is a sweet, approachable person, eager to socialize with anyone who gives them the chance to; it is both odd and impressive that someone who spends all their time alone in the wilderness can have such people skills. Despite being on a quest that may very well send them to their death in waters far away from the woods they are used to, they are very enthusiastic about the adventure to come.

This story is rated +18. It will feature strong language, violence, and (optional) sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.

Once the demo is out (and as it gets updated over time), I'll also be updating the content warnings, which will include a list of potentially sensitive topics.

[athena-xox]

Here is my tentative timeline with all the webisodes in chronological order.

Within series canon at least I think it’s right, I’m going to have to watch it in order to make sure there’s nothing out of place.

The next step is adding the books + diaries which I think will mean shuffling around the order.

You might be thinking that that won’t work because the books conflict and are a different timeline. But there’s a perfectly good explanation for that … I just haven’t thought of it yet.

If anyone’s planning on doing a rewatch perchance use this playlist that I made. If you notice anything wrong please lmk. For the specials I just put one trailer and that means to switch to Netflix or if you don’t have Netflix to use this link.

Anyways without further ado hers my timeline + justification

First week:

A take of two tales

Maddie in chief

Apples princess practice

Here comes Cupid

Catching Raven

This is all the first week of school. The reason I put apples princess practice at the start is because it should take place before here comes Cupid, because Hunter has a bit of a crush on Apple. And then Maddie in chief should go before then bc in apples princess practice, Apple acts as if she is study body president. And catching raven just makes sense at the start of the year.

Stark mad raven

true reflections

briars study party

the shoe must go on

The cat who cried wolf

cedar wood would love to lie

I put stark mad raven and true reflections a bit later because Apple says last week in stark mad raven and tbh true reflections makes sense to be a little bit later so I decided to keep them together. Briars study party I also put a bit later, we know it’s at the start of the school year because blondie says but I think that it makes sense in the second week. The others are just in release order

Legacy day

The day after ever after

Replacing raven

Blondies just right

Rebels got talent

Mirrornet down

Class confusion

From legacy day - blondies just right, it’s release order and makes sense to be the direct aftermath of legacy day. Rebels got talent imo has to take place earlier on in the year, I’ll explain why later. Class confusion would be around mid November for a start of new term.

True hearts day

Cupid comes clean … kinda

The beautiful truth

Once upon a table

Poppy the roybel

O’hairs split ends

Kittys curious tale

Lizzie hearts fairytale first date

Lizzie shuffles the deck

Duchess’s swan lake

Cerise’s picnic panic

This is mostly just release order. Kittys curious tale has to take place after poppy the roybel since poppy is referenced to. And kittys curious tale has to be before Lizzie shuffles the deck because kitty is playing on the Royal croquet team. I assume because she pranked Lizzie, Lizzie kicked her out onto the rebel team.

Thronecoming

And the thronecoming queen is…

Best feather forwards

Ginger in the BREADhouse

Just release order, and it makes sense

Spring unsprung

Ashlynn’s fairytale frolic

Save me darling

The forest festival

Apples birthday bake off

Save me darling canonically takes place in April and it should be before wtw. Apples birthday webisode is moved to her because it should take place in may

Way to wonderland

A big bad secret

Rosabella and the BEASTS

In my mind apples birthday is Saturday/Sunday and wtw is the Monday after. A big bad secret is moved so that it happens before Ramona’s first appearance. And Rosabella’s episode canonically takes place in may

Dragon games

Moonlight mystery

Wish list

A tale of two parties

Piping hot beats

There’s no business like snow business

Epic winter

Release order and there’s no business like snow business moved to be before epic winter

The legacy orchard

Canonically takes place in September and the start of a new school year. We know this is the next school year because bunny and Alistair are there

What’s in the cards for courtly jester?

It comes out with all the chapter 3 webisodes in which a majority of them take place in the following school year. I think it makes sense that she’s allowed to go to school at the start of the next year and the webisode takes place during courtly second/third week

Sugar coated

Because the yearbook plot from legacy day orchard is mentioned we know it takes place after. And the canon month is October

Meeshell comes out her her shell

The talent show is mentioned and we know it’s a year after rebels got talent because it’s the same talent show except in rebels got talent Maddie is MC and in Meeshell comes out of her shell, Maddie has an act.

Croquet-tastrophe

Canonically takes place in November. Is 100% this school year because of the yearbook plot

Fairest on ice

Yearbook plot we know it takes place in this year. Canonically January

Heart struck

Takes place in February and the first day of spring … yeah I’m not sure why spring starts in February

Bunny and Alistair forever

Takes place in March. Because apparently spring starts in February spring unsprung could have taken place in February and this webisode taking place shortly after. Imo it’s makes more sense to take place the following year.

Beanstalk bravado

Because Meeshell is seen in it, I think it makes sense for it to take place the following year. I think around April/may makes sense, just because there aren’t really any other webisodes from March - June

Tri-castle-on

Canonically takes place in June, the end of the school year. And again… the yearbook plot.

If you notice anything wrong please lmk. Keep in mind this is a first draft.

If you use my playlist and want to keep an eye out for mistakes: if you see Hunter and Ashlynn together publicly it means it’s after true hearts day, if you see poppy in the school it means it’s after poppy the roybel, if you see bunny or Alistair it means it’s after spring unsprung, if you see Ramona … well thar could mean a lot of things, if you see Meeshell that means it’s either right before Meeshell comes out her shell or right after.

So if anything’s out of place feel free to dm or reblog/reply to this post. Also if there’s anything else that confirms or denies the timeline that I missed.

Edit: also if you see Meeshell in a webisode besides hers or beanstalk bravado please lmk. Or Ramona somewhere other than big bad dexter, moonlight mystery, dragon games or epic winter 🙏

(Ps also thank you to @roybelmirrorcast for their timeline on TikTok that really helped me place the larger specials/webisodes)

Now I’m going to work on adding the books 😭😭

[arlathvhenan]

I don’t really understand why people complain about the Inquisitor being somehow contrived into plot relevance when that’s sort of how all RPG video games work? At least when it comes to ‘PC saves the day’ type games. It’s kind of a given that some contrivance is necessary to get the Player front and center where the action is concerned.

The Warden was conveniently selected by Duncan to serve the order. Then they were conveniently saved by Flemeth, not out of kindness, but because Alistair happened to be relevant to Flemeth’s plans and The Warden happened to be with him when he was rescued.

Then you have Hawke, whom the plot demanded to be in Kirkwall, ergo Hawke conveniently had family there. Hawke also happened to be conveniently saved by Flemeth because—again—she had some scheme-hatchery afoot and for some damn reason happened to know that Hawke would be going to The Free Marches and she needed a gofer. Then you have the further contrivance with Corypheus and Hawke’s bloodline nonsense which I won’t even get into.

I don’t see how the Inquisitor is any more contrived than either of these two, in fact it kind of feels the least contrived given your character was literally in the wrong place at the wrong time. Everything after that falls neatly into place. You were screwing around where you shouldn’t have been, ended up with a power you don’t understand completely by accident, and now you’ve got enemies who either fear that power or want it for themselves. No Flemeth magically appearing at the start of the plot to nudge the protagonist this way or that.

And finally that brings me to Dreadwolf. There’s been a lot of chatter about DA needing to return to the Everyman protagonist, when I don’t see how they ever left? And to be frank, Dreadwolf is the one story where an Everyman protagonist makes the least sense and will therefore be the hardest to pull off. The new PC will basically be usurping the role that—if this were anything but a video game—would logically go to the Inquisitor, or Varric, or Dorian, or literally any of the characters who have a pre-established relationship with Solas. Narratively speaking, that’s what makes the most sense.

But they can’t do that. We need someone new. A nobody. And getting this nobody to be at the center of all this prophetic fate of the world business is going to take some level of contrivance. They will need to come up with a strong enough reason as to why this new character is exceptional enough to make world-changing decisions on behalf of everyone else in existence. We need a reason why Solas—our alleged antagonist—would take a special interest in this person or be otherwise tied to them because if not then what is the point of having them front and center?

Not saying it can’t be done, but they’ll need some really damn good excuses to justify the new perspective. And those excuses will probably be contrived. You don’t have the fate of the world resting on one person without massive contrivances.

[sinizade]

Brianna Tabris

19 years old (Beginning) // 38 years old (The Calling)

Rogue: Crossbow and Daggers

Besties: Alistair / Shale / Anders / Sigrun / Duke of Barkstown (dog)

Friends: Oghren / Velanna / Nathaniel / Wynne / Morrigan

Not Besties: Sten (He is very grumpy) / Justice

Romance: Zevran Arainai (Mi Amorzito😊)

Brianna knows how to be a serious woman when the moment calls for it because of her difficult time on Alienage, but in reality she and Alistair share the same brain cell. Even though it wasn't the life she wanted for her family, Brianna always did her best to make her father, Soris and Shianni smile as best she could.

She has a deep grudge for Duncan not coming to her rescue, for not saving Shianni, but she always tries not to show her disgust to the elder when Alistair mentions him.

Even though she already had her romances during her life, with Zevran it is different, he is special, he respects her not only as a woman, but as a warrior. While looking for The Call's cure, Zevran accompanies her and it's even a relief to have him by her side at such a difficult time.

Changed my Warden's appearance again (and this time I put more "warden" clothes on her)

I got this template from this link

[professorsparklepants]

welcome to fanfic I won't write fridays, where I talk about fanfic I won't write

happy dragon age 4 to those who celebrate it's time to put all my "pevensie siblings isekai'd into dragon age pcs" thoughts in one post

peter is the inquisitor; i considered lucy for this but she's more what the inquisition wants you to appear to be (a divine prophet protecting the people) rather than what you actually are (the head of a military organization with fingers in politics and heavy religious propaganda

edmund is the champion of kirkwall; the entire point of da2 is that everything is in shades of grey and there are no right answers, and edmund is painted as the most familiar with moral ambiguity and the most forgiving of it

lucy is the grey warden originally through process of elimitation but being dropped in a dying world, told there's a near futile mission to hold back the decay that's eating the continent, and not only facing it whole heartedly but succeeding so well you have time to run off and try to cure it yourself with no backup is EXTREMELY lucy behavior

susan is "sir not appearing in this film (until dragon age 4 comes out)"

all four of them land around the same time. lucy gets wrapped up in the origins plot immediately, and da2 happens mostly simultaneously iirc so so is edmund. peter is biding time doing the qunari mercenary backstory until da:i starts. susan is also biding her time but by clawing her way up the local social hierarchy.

DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS

lucy is a mage with the spirit healer specialization, but based on her canon weapon use i think also has traces of the arcane warrior.

duncan literally finds her by the side of the road and goes "hey kid you wanna fight darkspawn." lucy asks if they're evil and he says yes so she signs up immediately. a simple woman.

she absolutely makes the full party her bisexual polycule. yes even the unromancable ones. i have faith in her.

morrigan: i'm straight lucy: for now.

leliana is her favorite but don't tell anyone.

lucy adores mabari. absolutely nothing in thedas is more narnian than the mabari. when she meets her siblings again they are all going to be so fucking jealous that she has one.

lucy doesn't make alistair king because he seems like he's kind of bad at it and i think she can sniff that out. my sister is of the opinion that lucy would make him king and then marry him bc she knows she would do a good job. i think she only said this because she finds it funny.

however i do think lucy would convince alistair to do the ritual because she sees absolutely nothing wrong with him having sex with a woman he hates who turns into a giant spider sometimes.

lucy, has attended dozens of bacchanalia: who hasn't slept with someone they dislike while under the effects of magic? all her companions: where did you say you were from again?

she does absolutely kill loghain though because a. all the shit he did is deserving of an execution, b. edmund isn't here to stop her, and c. alistair threatens to quit if she doesn't and despite having a mabari he's her emotional support animal

DRAGON AGE 2

i couldn't decide if edmund was a mage or a warrior but i decided it would be funnier if he were both, because it has such hawke energy. you surpress his magic? he has a sword. you disarm him? he has a fireball!

i don't know what warrior specialization i would pick for him, but he's definitely a force mage

i think edmund literally falls out of a portal and saves bethany/carver's life so the hawkes just decide to adopt him. he's theirs now. leandra just full on lies and says he's her son. what the fuck is her brother gonna do about it.

edmund walks into the den of sin and darkness that is kirkwall, sighs, and rolls up his sleeves to get to work. he is going to make this city a better place one back alley brawl at a fucking time. try him.

edmund romances anders because he has "i only date disasters/i can fix him" vibes and i think it's funny for him to be a former sovereign whose boyfriend is a wanted terrorist.

but also the da2 polycule IS real edmund is just not dating everyone at once. he's busy and also i hc him as only into men. imagine what you want though this isn't a real fic.

sorry the image of edmund just pspspspspsps-ing all of his sad, angry, morally grey companions into being friends is so fucking funny to me. local man brainwashed by evil as a child is too full of love and the belief in second chances to say no to a blood mage, guy who is willingly possessed at all times, escaped slave who lives in a mansion full of rotting corpses, a cop, and a romance novelist who keeps stealing your life story.

DRAGON AGE: INQUISITION

peter has the qunari mercenary backstory, and is absolutely a warrior build. probably champion build?

also i think he romances cassandra. i considered josephine but that's more a susan romance. if peter were into men that way he'd be all over iron bull and he says as much after a couple drinks.

peter, cornering cullen after their first war meeting: you haven no military experience do you. cullen: please don't tell anyone. i need this job.

he takes one look at solas and goes "oh this guy is not normal. idk what his deal is but this is some kind of oak god at least."

varric doesn't know edmund and peter are siblings until edmund shows up and he is INCREDIBLY offended by it. what do you MEAN i've been calling you hawke for years and it's not even your fucking name. the BETRAYAL.

edmund: my ex-boyfriend blew up the chantry and started the mage/templar war peter: HEY DORIAN, MY HONORABLE GOOD FRIEND WHO IS GAY, HAVE YOU MET MY VERY GAY BROTHER

"well his family owns slaves that's enough of a project for Edmund"

you know the table mission where the warden send you a letter? instead of that i think lucy just turns around and immediately heads back to thedas. THAT'S HER FUCKIN BROTHER!!!!!!!! she shows up after edmund does obviously for maximum "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!!" drama

[scene: all three pevensies are roaring drunk in skyhold and casting members of the inquisition as Narnian creatures] Peter: I think Solas is a centaur. He's wise, respectful, and vaguely condescending. Lucy: [sniggering bc she clocked Solas] I think he's a wolf. Edmund: I think he's a marshwiggle. [Peter and Lucy absolutely lose it]

Lucy, halfway through stumbling back to her room: WAIT. DORIAN IS A PEACOCK. Peter, three floors up: [ugly donkey noise]

DRAGON AGE: VEILGUARD

obviously there's nothing 2 say about this yet

however i will say for certain that if there's a noble human background i'll be giving it to susan

idc that she literally got portal fantasy'd into this world. she's pretty and socially dangerous she wormed her way in there. she's got those diplomatic social climber stats.

she's also a rogue, no question.

[jacklyn-flynn]

Wow, it's been a really long time since I've posted one of these, but I'm hoping doing so on the regular will keep me motivated to keep writing. I'm over half-way through my original timeline for Space Trash, so we're on the home stretch!

Here's a couple tiny blurbs from the main story of Space Trash and a tiny side project in the same AU.

“Who are you?” Jules asked with a confused frown. The recent events left her doubting he was even real. The man's eyebrows shot up. He transferred the massive hydrogen blade with its glowing edge to the opposite hand and offered the freed one to her. “King Alistair Theirin, monarch of the entire Fereldan system. We met a few hours ago, but it's fine. I've been told I'm a forgettable fellow.”

And from a side story:

He released her and started to roll his sleeves back down again. “You take care of the paint for me and I’ll go send Bull and the Chargers your way.” He started to walk away, then turned and walked backwards a few paces. “Oh, hey, is our bet still on?”  “Absolutely. I can’t believe you think you’re gonna make money off that,” Jules scoffed.  “I’m telling you,” Morgan said, shaking his head with a grin, “he’s gonna cry.”

[pers-books]

WARNING: Contains SPOILERS for Doctor Who - "The Giggle."

SUMMARY

 Doctor Who's final 60th anniversary special sets up a potential spinoff show featuring UNIT on Disney+.

 The new UNIT team in "The Giggle" showcases a strong camaraderie and dynamic, laying the groundwork for future appearances and a possible spinoff.

 The introduction of the Vlinx, a new robot working for UNIT, hints at potential backstory and teases a potential UNIT show on Disney+.

Doctor Who's final 60th anniversary special, "The Giggle" has set up the rumored UNIT spinoff show on Disney+ in multiple ways. Now installed in a flashy new skyscraper in central London, UNIT recall the Fourteenth Doctor (David Tennant) to help them stop the world from going mad. Although the main draw of "The Giggle" is the battle between the Doctor and the Toymaker (Neil Patrick Harris), there's a sense that it's setting up a future UNIT spinoff. Doctor Who spinoffs on Disney+ have been heavily rumored since the co-production deal was announced. The new Whoniverse title also implies that Doctor Who will have its own expansive fictional universe.

Doctor Who's rumored UNIT spinoff would be led by Jemma Redgrave's Kate Stewart, the daughter of Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart (Nicholas Courtney). Following on from the reveal in "The Power of the Doctor" that UNIT hires former Doctor Who companions as freelancers, it's expected that some classic series actors will reprise their roles. "The Giggle" outlines the structure of the new UNIT, which gives the sense of Doctor Who's final 60th anniversary special being a backdoor pilot for a new spinoff.

8 UNIT's Brand New Headquarters

It looks a lot like the Avengers Tower.

Doctor Who's UNIT have never had the best of luck with their HQs in the modern series. Their New York HQ and the Valiant were devastated by the Daleks in "The Stolen Earth", their presidential plane was blown up by Zygons in "The Zygon Invasion", and their brand-new building was blown up by Tegan Jovanka (Jane Fielding) in "The Power of the Doctor." The biggest surprise of "The Giggle" is that the UNIT skyscraper largely remains standing after their confrontation with the Toymaker. Giving UNIT a permanent base of operations does feel like a way to establish the Doctor Who spinoff show's primary location.

7 The Dynamic Between The New UNIT Team

Doctor Who's new UNIT work brilliantly together.

In the 1970s, Doctor Who had the UNIT family, so-called because of the warm relationships between the Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee), his companions and the UNIT team. There's a sense of this camaraderie in "The Giggle", with Shirley Anne Bingham (Ruth Madeley) quickly forgiving Kate for her ableist abuse while under the influence of the Toymaker. This is clearly a team that trusts each other implicitly, much like the UNIT team of old. A strong central team structure is a strong foundation for their future appearances in Doctor Who, but it also guarantees good grounding for a spinoff show.

6 The Vlinx

What's going on with UNIT's new robot?

The Vlinx (Nicholas Briggs) feels like the most obvious bit of set up for Doctor Who's UNIT spinoff. There must be many stories to tell about how the Vlinx came to Earth and began working for UNIT. They appear to be a robotic version of James Bond's Q, providing UNIT with gadgets and technology to meet alien threats. The Vlinx invented the Zeedex that shielded UNIT from the effects of "The Giggle", and would presumably fulfill a similar purpose in future appearances. Doctor Who's new robot also draws comparisons with Mr. Smith (Alexander Armstrong) from Russell T Davies' previous spinoff show, The Sarah Jane Adventures, further teasing a potential UNIT show.

5 The Galvanic Beam

UNIT is sufficiently tooled up to fight alien threats.

The galvanic beam that triggered Doctor Who's first bi-generation is more evidence of the substantial tools that UNIT have at their disposal. Way back in David Tennant's first-ever episode, "The Christmas Invasion", the Torchwood Institute had a similarly powerful weapon trained on the Sycorax spaceship. The reveals about Torchwood recurred throughout David Tennant's first Doctor Who season, culminating in their introduction in the season 2 finale and the eventual John Barrowman-led spinoff. It's possible that the galvanic beam is a subtle callback, with future UNIT episodes in Ncuti Gatwa's era eventually paving the way for a full series order for a UNIT spinoff on Disney+.

4 UNIT Offers Donna A Job

Could Catherine Tate come back in a spinoff show?

Donna brilliantly figures out that the brain signal resembles a tune, eventually inspiring the Doctor to recognize that it's the giggle of Stooky Bill stored in broadcast signals. The super temp from Chiswick impresses Kate Stewart so much that she offers Donna a job with a generous pay package and benefits. Donna doesn't explicitly accept the job on-screen, but the money will give her cash-strapped family the chance to relax more. Interestingly, Yasmin Finney is said to return for Ncuti Gatwa's first season of Doctor Who, perhaps interning for UNIT. If Donna's daughter is still in the new era of Doctor Who, then it's easy enough for her to pop up in a UNIT spinoff in a special guest role.

3 Doctor Who's Mel Now Works For UNIT

The 1980s companion will be back next season, too.

Kate Stewart fulfilled her promise to the Doctor Who companion support group by hiring Mel as a computer expert for UNIT. If Russell T Davies is repeating some of his past glories, he could do a lot worse than put Bonnie Langford front and center in her own show. That's what he did with Elisabeth Sladen and The Sarah Jane Adventures in 2006, so it would make a lot of sense to do the same with Langford. While Mel was a divisive Doctor Who companion, Bonnie Langford is an excellent actress with a big public profile thanks to her West End and Broadway experience. There could be nobody better to lead the UNIT spinoff alongside Jemma Redgrave.

2 UNIT Are Hiring Former Doctor Who Companions

It's not just Donna and Mel.

While executive producing The Sarah Jane Adventures, Russell T Davies brought back both the Brigadier and Jo Grant (Katy Manning). He also planned to bring back Sophie Aldred as Ace, had Elisabeth Sladen not sadly passed away before filming on season 5 completed. RTD clearly doesn't want to crowd the new show with old faces, and that's the right decision as Ncuti Gatwa's Doctor Who is being billed as a fresh start. However, with Mel, Tegan, Ace, and potentially Donna Noble on the payroll, there's a real possibility that other classic Doctor Who companions will be brought into a UNIT spinoff show to provide their own unique expertise.

1 UNIT Has An Earthbound Doctor Again

David Tennant's 14th Doctor remains on Earth.

50 years after the Third Doctor's exile to Earth ended, the Fourteenth Doctor's is just beginning. While this is a self-imposed exile designed to give the Doctor time to rest, reflect, and enjoy a normal life, UNIT will be reassured to know they've got him on speed dial. Russell T Davies making the decision to keep around David Tennant after Doctor Who feels like a calculated move to bring back the Fourteenth Doctor when the story demands it. Having the retired Fourteenth Doctor occasionally feature as an advisory figure in the new UNIT spinoff could provide an interesting new spin on Doctor Who tropes that wouldn't undermine his heartwarming happy ending.

[ndostairlyrium]

3, 7, 8 from the DAV asks! :3

HI!! <3 thanks for asking!

The meme

3 - Do you usually play as a warrior, mage, or rogue? Which class are you planning to try first this time around? Which subclass?

Alors, I usually play a 2h weapon lil guy in the first playthrough of any game; my playstyle is "going straight into things without thinking too much", which is fun because irl I'm the opposite :'D

So I think I will stick to that: warrior, 2h weapon, and I think I'll see which specialization will fit best lol

7 - Which character from the previous games or other media are you most hoping will make an appearance in DAV?

Ooooooh boi do I have A LIST hahahah

My "fingers crossed they'll be there": Fenris, Dorian, Maevaris, Velanna, Nathaniel, Sigrun, Josephine, Calpernia, and possibly someone related to our Origins background (eg. Fergus Cousland in my case). Also PLEASE Anora and Briala <3

I'd love to see the loves of my life (Alistair and Cassandra), but I'm very skeptical about it <<

With that said, I'll be happy with anyone hahah <3

8 - What faction are you most excited to learn more about?

Already replied here

They're all cool anyway, and I think this variety would help with um, second or third playthroughs o: I don't remember the exact word in english but like, you would wanna play the game again to see what's up with the other factions hahah

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

aftermath 2

A dark blue, fish-eyed globe turns itself across the screen, starting in Canada and traveling eastwards around the world. Five words flash over the globe: TOTAL - TAKES - WORLD - TOUR - AFTERMATH!

A static flash to Wales, on the countryside. 

---

Julia hangs at the back of the group, watching the two up front. Mal darts into frame for a moment, running around her ankles and barking before circling the group once again. 

The sound of laughter and sheep appears from behind the team and Julia turns a bit to catch a glimpse of Team Mojo following them up the crest, sheep in line and following Sha-Mod and Patrick in the front. 

The latter grins and waves as they pass by. “See you at the finish line, sweetie!”

Julia grimaces, but waits til the team disappears up ahead to make comment. 

“I hate that guy,”

---

Then to Australia, in the rainforest:

---

It’s dark. 

The sound of bugs flying, mammals chittering, and birds crying out fills the empty air. 

Slowly, Sha-Mod awakes. He groans and sits up, scratching his head with his back to the camera. “Owie,” he says. 

Then, it’s bright. Too bright. 

“Wait,” he grabs at his face. The feeling of warm flesh fills the void where smooth paper should be. Sha-Mod looks to the ground and sees the mulchy, emulsified remains of Lighting crumbled on the ground. “Oh, no. Oh no. This isn’t good.”

---

The Title Card flashes again and fades into a pink, warm-lit studio. Unlike last season’s aftermath, this peanut gallery is sparse and empty. O picks at his nails absent-mindedly, Alistair waves and flashes a pearly grin, Scary is holding a large book over their face and avoiding the glare of the cameras as they zoom in. Beneath them, the so-far eliminated contestants who bothered to show- Joner and Scruffy. 

But no one directs the attention of both the cameras and the audience like the navy-blue haired, sharply dressed pastel puff standing in the center of the stage. Caesar waves at the adoring crowd, soaking in the attention like a flower takes in the sun. And by the looks of it, he needs the vitamin D- he’s rather pale and tired-looking for someone of his sunny disposition. Behind him, on the pink couch in the center of the stage, a moody-looking teenage boy is on his phone, leaning back against the sofa with his legs kicked up. He pulls a wad of chewed gum out of his mouth and wipes it on the couch. Caesar cringes. 

“Welcome one, welcome all, to another riveting episode of Total Takes World Tour: The Aftermath! I’m your host, Caesar, and behind me is my… unique co-host. Noco,” he seems to go tense at the name, as if a shiver is running up his spine. “We have a very special episode for you today, folks, so stay tuned for drama, drama, and more drama!”

“Whoop-dee-doo,” Noco says unenthusiastically, twirling his finger in a little circle. Caesar grits his teeth. 

“Joining us today are our charming peanut gallery- O, Alistair- formerly known as Fren- Scary, Joner, Scruffy, and- hm. McLovin?” Caesar looks around the stage. “Has anyone seen McLovin?”

“McLovin is busy preparing this super secret awesome surprise for the fundraiser!” Joner chimes in. “I’m the lookout- I mean! He’s busy! Aw, man…”

Scruffy pats his shoulder. “You did your best,”

“Ahem, well… speaking of the fundraiser, this isn’t just any episode of Aftermath… today, we’re sending out an S.O.S. for our stranded friends,” Caesar says, pacing the stage. He speaks in long, dramatic drawls. “Stuck on a remote island in the middle of the Atlantic, not a penny to be spared.”

The peanut gallery sighs, and the audience aw’s. 

“Oh, can we cut the crap?” Noco yawns and sits up, turning on the monitor behind him to a live broadcast on St. Helena. The World Tour contestants are lounging on the beaches, enjoying provisions from first class, and playing tag in the fields. Chris and Chef toast to a much-needed vacation in their inflatable pool. 

Caesar rushes over and flicks off the screen. “Like I said- tragic!” 

“Listen, folks…” Noco says, standing in front of Caesar. “This whole episode is nothing but corporate pressure from the big wigs upstairs. The producers are too cheap to pay it out of their own fat pockets, and now they’re scamming us into believing that the cast is dying in some desert.”

“They’re stranded on an island. Together! I couldn’t imagine a worse fate. And Bonnie is all alone…” the host looks down warily, fidgeting with his bow tie. 

“Oh, please. A break from the script is a paradise. I would be relieved to know the charade is over. Max and Julia-”

Caesar begrudgingly pulls a small remote from his coat and presses the large red button on its surface. An extremely loud incorrect buzzer paralyzes the audience for a split-second. Noco falls backwards. 

“Alright, enough of that. Now, with your help, we can raise the necessary funds to save our stranded friends. Donate by calling the number below, or send your checks to the Aftermath Inbox,” Caesar says, pointing as a graphic flashes across the bottom of the screen. 

Across the stage, the peanut gallery pulls out landlines from under their seats. O gives Caesar a thumbs-up. 

“For our first telethon act, we have the one, the only: Takes Three Trio!” Caesar announces, backing away from the center of the stage as the lights dim. 

A single spotlight illuminates three figures in matching tracksuits. Sha-Mod, in blue, stands on the far left, nodding solemnly. Joner, in green, mirrors him on the right, staring up at the ceiling. McLovin, in pink, takes center stage. A single tear rolls down his cheek. 

Caesar mumbles “Oh, brother,” as a beat begins playing. 

Joner starts. “Our friends, you need to save- our friends, you gotta tell, our friends- that you care!”

Sha-Mod picks up. “St. Helena, they’re trapped down in: St. Helena. They can’t even- Sha-Party. It’s so unfair!”

“You gotta help now, they’re on the brink,” McLovin vocalizes. “The crew gets fired, if this ship sinks!”

“So make a difference- in their lives!” Joner says. 

All three harmonize on the next line. “Empty your wallets or they all die,”

Caesar cringes as Sha-Mod picks up from there. “Saaaaave this show! Total Takes!”

“Saaaaaaaaaave this show! Don’t let them escape!” McLovin sings. 

“Save the show that you love!” the three harmonzie again. 

A tear rolls down Joner’s cheek. “Saaave this show- Total Takes!”

“Saaaave this show- don’t forsake- Them,” McLovin continues awkwardly. 

“Save our friends with love… and one-hundred thousand dollars!”

Sha-Mod flips on a pair of sunglasses. “Save the show, baby. Send us your money. Please. Send us money,”

The lights turn back on and Caesar clears his throat. “That was… um, grim?”

“Thank you!” McLovin beams. 

“Oookay. Speaking of the Takes Three Trio, Sha-Mod: as the first booted contestant since the last Aftermath, would you do the honors of announcing our prizes?”

Sha-Mod pulls out a card and clears his throat. “For a donation of $25, you’ll get a, um… does this say a lock of hair from the contestant of your choosing?”

“Okay!” Caesar laughs, nabbing the cards from his hands. He leans into Noco. “I thought we agreed no body parts!”

“Do you want donations or not?”

Caesar thinks for a moment and then grumbles to himself. “And for a donation of $50, you’ll get a commemorative DVD copy of the first season of Total Takes Island!” The audience cheers. “For one hundred, you’ll get a personal shoutout on the Total Takes official blog!”

The audience whoops and hollers again. Scary peers over the edge of her book and rolls his eyes. 

“And for the low, low donation of $5, you’ll get… a signed folder of proof that Total Takes is scripted?” Caesar squints at the cue card. “ISAAC!”

The gloomy boy grins and shrugs. “I figured someone would bite. I mean, hey- the proof is in the pudding,”

O leans into Alistair. “I hate when he smiles. It scares me,”

The pink-haired actor nods in agreement. 

Caesar glares. “Fine. Whatever! For the price of $200, you’ll get a blind date with none other than our beloathed co-host, Noco!”

Noco’s smile drops. “Huh?”

The phones begin ringing off the hook, filling the air with the sharp sound of bells. Caesar scoffs. “Imagine that,”

“To be fair, the dark and mysterious “bad boy” look is really popular,” Scruffy says, matter-of-factly. “Noco is really popular in my superfan Discord server.”

The host rolls his eyes. Peter stands suddenly, clutching the landline receiver in his sweaty palms. “Um, I have about six different people with $200 donations. What do I do?”

“Yeah, we’re out of hold space here, man!” O yells. 

“Then it’s a bidding war! Starting price, $200!”

“You-you can’t do that-! I hate romance! I hate happiness! No one should want to “date” me!” Noco interjects, shoving a finger in Caesar’s face. He swats it away. 

“Tough luck. Let’s see those numbers!” 

The monitor drops from the ceiling again and crackles to life, displaying a whirl of flashing numbers, climbing up to the thousands faster than they can count. Noco shrivels like a grape in the sun. 

“While the fans battle it out, let’s have another special guest on stage to boost these numbers. You may know him as the Princess of Total Takes- or the dunce! Ladies and gentlemen, Patrick!” 

Patrick walks out on stage, stiff and unhappy. He glares sharply at Caesar before taking a seat, his legs neatly crossed. 

“Welcome to the show, Patrick, we’re glad to have you. Can I offer you something? Water? Tea? First aid?”

The audience laughs and Patrick scoffs. 

“Whatever,”

Caesar clears his throat and winks at the audience, who laughs in turn. “So, you’ve had quite the rough season, haven’t you?”

“As if. I was just getting warmed up, and they gave me the boot! They don’t know what they’re missing- Team Mojo just lost its most valuable player!” Patrick snaps, holding out a petite porcelain teacup for an intern to fill with warm water. “Those two kittens won’t last a day without me, I- honey, not sugar. I’m watching my complexion- I’m unexpendable! It should’ve been that cupcake, Albert.”

The audience Ooh’s. Caesar chuckles. “Yes, yes- word on the street is that you two weren’t the best of friends. And yet you never rigged the votes to get him kicked from the game?”

Patrick raises an eyebrow. “Rigged the votes? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you know, you… you rigged the votes in season one, and you rigged them to get Sha-Mod booted…”

The camera pans over to the Takes Three Trio, who all shake their heads in a disapproving fashion. Patrick takes a long sip from his teacup. 

“Listen, Bluebell, I don’t know who you’re getting your info from, but I didn’t do any “rigging”. A guy like me doesn’t have to play dirty- if everyone knows what’s best for them, they stay outta my way!” 

Caesar raises an eyebrow. “Wait, so… you didn’t rig the votes against Fren in Island?”

“Who is Fren?”

“My, my… with the irrefutable evidence of tampering, this means there’s an entirely different- possibly two different traitors in our midsts!” the host says, prompting the audience and peanut gallery (nix Scary) to gasp. “Scruffy- our resident TD expert- any thoughts?”

Scruffy scratches their chin, looking around for a few moments. “I can’t believe I never considered… I suppose I was just so caught up with Jules…”

“Don’t remind me,” Patrick grumbles, delicately holding his cup. 

“Oh, speaking of which…” Caesar says, checking his watch. “It’s time for our next segment- Who Dumped Who? And make sure to keep those donations rolling in!”

The monitor lowers again, turning on and focusing on the image of Patrick and Julia through a restaurant window. The audio is unintelligible, but within seconds, she’s throwing a fistful of spaghetti at his face. 

A faint ding sounds. “That’s one breakup for Julia!”

Another scene starts, this time of the two smiling awkwardly for a fan picture on the street. The fangirl snaps a selfie with them and walks away, and the two immediately burst into an argument. Patrick shouts something indistinct and storms off (into oncoming traffic, where he’s hit by a bus). 

“That’s one for Patrick!”

Another segment plays, this time of the two in the peanut gallery in the aftermath studio, already bickering about something while Ass and Courtney cover their ears from the row beneath them. Julia shoves Patrick off the benches and he falls into the audience with a shriek. 

“Another for Julia!”

Before the next clip can play, the sound of revving pulls everyone’s attention to the side of the studio. Caesar raises an eyebrow. “Um, what’s-”

Two massive ramps have been set up on either side of the room. McLovin is on the left, revving a motorcycle. He’s dressed in a white suit with a matching helmet. Caesar’s jaw drops. 

“See? Surprise!” Joner says. 

“If I die, everyone has to donate double!” McLovin shouts, flipping his visor down. 

“Wait- WAIT!” Caesar shouts. But it’s too late. 

McLovin speeds off, climbing one of the ramps at a speed faster than the cameras can capture and flying through the air. 

It lasts all of two seconds before he smacks into a ceiling tile and falls dead-center in the stage. Drywall showers on him like rain made out of asbestos and chunks of roof. 

Caesar stares. The audience falls silent. 

He turns to the counter on the monitor. The numbers are still for a moment- and then shoot up. The host sighs with relief, and the audience cheers. 

Sha-Mod and Joner rush over and help McLovin out of the rubble while he grins.

“Awesome,” he says. A tooth falls out of his mouth. 

Caesar wipes the sweat off his forehead and sits back on the couch. The lights overhead flicker and some more drywall dust falls from the ceiling. He swipes it off his shoulder. 

“Why so tense? You’re not the one going on a date with some happy-go-lucky rando!” Noco snaps. Caesar ignores him. “Ohhh, I see. Now this I can get behind.”

Noco stands, grinning. “Feeling miserable? Helpless? I’m your guy! For a donation of $1000, I’ll psychologically torture the cast member of your choice! Cough, cough- CAESAR!”

The phones begin ringing again, and the tally counter soars. Noco grins maliciously. 

“Now, I’m no theracologist or whatever,” he says, gesturing towards O, who glares. “But if I had to guess, I’d say Bonnie being stuck in that terrible place all by themselves is really bothering you, right? Knowing that they’re all alone? Even worse- that they’re being singled out and picked on because of your relationship?”

Caesar shifts uncomfortably. “I don’t know what you’re-”

“Don’t play dumb!” Noco scoffs. “This whole control freak thing is just you making up for how helpless you feel. You’re positively miserable! This is great!”

He claps his hands quickly and squeals. Caesar glares at him. The tally counter rises, and rises, until a loud siren blares. 

“And with that, it looks like we’ve reached our goal,” the host announces. “Time to see who bid the highest for a beautiful, romantic, sweet, and ENDEARING evening with Noco!”

Noco’s smile drops and he goes pale again. “There’s… no way anyone actually-”

“At a bidding price of $60,000, Noco will be going on a date with… Becky from Vancouver!” Caesar reads off the monitor, a smile creeping back on his face. “Let’s get Becky on call!”

The screen crackles to life and focuses on the image of a pretty girl in a pink outfit with a blonde ponytail. She squeals, clutching a unicorn plush in her lap. “OMG! I won! My Daddy is like, never going to forgive me for maxxing his credit card, but it’s worth it!” she screeches. Noco looks sick. “Ohmigosh, Noco looks JUST like my favorite Twilight character, I can’t wait! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Caesar grins widely as Noco scampers away, a few security guards close behind him. 

“That’s enough of that,” the host says. “And it looks like we’ve hit our quota just in time, too! That’s all for today, folks- catch Total Takes: World Tour on your nearest TV soon! Good night, everyone!”

[seriously-nobody]

Hey I figured I should do a lil about me type thing. Plz don't judge too harshly again this is my actual life. So anyway here we go! 😵‍💫

@all-things-ghostly thx for this idea

I was born in 2004 in Newport Beach and grew up in sunny southern California, specifically one city over from Anaheim. And yes, I went to Disneyland, quite often actually. I'd say I went maybe 2-3 times a month or if it was around the holidays or a special event it was every weekend if I could. So, needless to say, I know Disneyland pretty well. Unfortunately, I had to move out of California in 2017, but that's a story for another day.

I was, for a long time, afraid of the mansion, surprisingly enough. The only thing I was afraid of was the pop up ghosts so everytime I passed the gate to the graveyard I'd close my eyes until the ghost host said his line "Ah there you are." and I knew I was safe. That was until a friend of mine who was a few years older than me took me through it and pointed out which graves had pop ups and when they usually spring up. I wanna say that I was around 5 or 6 when this happened. O also I remember the beating heart bride before Constance kicked her out lmao. I remember not being afraid of her because she just kinda chilled out there, she was super pretty according to mini me. My parents r super mega Disney fans and we used to go to an actual Disney club in CA and I remember it was a big announcement at our monthly meeting that a new ghost was taking over the attic and it was super exciting. I also remember when they announced they were installing Hattie into the mansion again and it was super cool to me since I already knew the history of the figure.

Anyway enough about the mansion (for now). For a long time my favorite attraction in the park was Splash Mountain. Yes I understand everything now but back when they were taking it out I had no idea about song of the south and the underlying story of it all. Now that I understand tho, I can say that it was super problematic and really shouldn't have been there. I really just thought it was about cute fluffy animals singing about a rabbit escaping death and u get wet. I mostly liked it because it had a single rider line and it was nice to ride alone on a hot day.

I'd say Indiana Jones was my 2nd favorite, even tho their single rider was kinda on and off sometimes, and I didn't come around to actually riding it for fear of the mummies that come out at you, that big projection of kali that appears on the cieling in the skull room, and the giant snake, until I was 6 or 7. I say 6 or 7 because again that same friend helped me through it. But after I got through it with my eyes open I loved it.

Ok enough of park rambling because I could probably talk about the parks until I die and I still wouldn't be finished talking. So I moved away from Cali sadly and I had to part with the park and characters I so loved. I wouldn't say I forgot about my love for these characters but I would say it faded, a lot actually. So let's talk recent, like early July 2023. I forgot what movie I was watching but I remember seeing a certain trailer before the movie that hit me over the head with a comically sized cartoon hammer. I remember seeing the purple wallpaper and I got real confused because I didn't hear /anything/ about there being another HM movie much less a scary one. Like this trailer made me so incredibly happy I cannot even tell u. When I saw that jerky constance in the corner shot I damn near cried. I was finally getting a more scary Haunted Mansion movie WITH ACTUAL HAUNTED MANSION CHARACTERS. Ya that went on the calendar real quick. Then I saw it in theaters and o my god was that THE hatbox ghost?? O my god??? They put him in here! O... o no... he's... he's evil... and he's so sassy and stupid... And then I fell. I not only fell for Alistair but I also fell back in love with characters and places I hadn't been since I was 13. And that love that had faded from being away for so long grew vibrant and close again. Ok quit it with the gushy mushy shit, me. Anyway so I really loved this movie and I had a Tumblr account at the time. I mean I wasn't posting anything but I had it to look into cool niche Fandoms. So I did just that. I didn't expect like anything but I was overjoyed to see so many people loving characters that I feel don't get enough of it.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

[nessacousland]

My DAO Wardens

For the purposes of my fanfic antics I came up with a warden of every origin besides my canon one and I thought I'd make a post to talk about them (under the cut):

Nessa Cousland

Class: Rogue (Archer)

Specializations: Ranger, Bard

Romance: Alistair

Nessa is my canon warden and as such, the only one with a customized first name. Her personality was shaped by my desire to play a rogue with max persuasion, max sarcasm and a highly chaotic streak. She charms and lies whenever she has something to gain by doing so, but if there isn't, she's the infamous Cousland spitfire who doesn't mince words. In her mind, she's always striving to do the 'right' thing, but she's never subscribed to the idea that losing honorably is better than winning through deceit and she's loyal only to those she loves or believes it's her duty to protect. While competent, she tends to overestimate herself, which results in dumbass decisions like waking a sleeping High Dragon on purpose or trying to be an edgy teen towards her 'sinking Orlesian warships at age 15' mother.

The loss of her family messed her up badly, not in the least because deep down she's always considered herself the worst of them due to her caustic personality, but she clings to life out of pure spite. She deeply resents having been conscripted into the Wardens and though she takes her duty to end the Blight seriously, especially after the Deep Roads, she never fully lets go of that resentment. That's what makes it so easy to manipulate the Landsmeet into letting her rule at Alistair's side - they thought the Couslands were gone and forgotten, but they were wrong. Whether that outcome is what's best for both Ferelden and herself is rather questionable, but at least her feelings for the new king are genuine and she's made some true (and powerful) friends in her companions. Anyone who tries to cross the ones she loves again is going to regret it.

(I drew her surrounded by a wreath of laurels, of course, the symbol of the Cousland family. The armor is based on a piece of concept art of Fereldan armor, though I couldn't resist adding the tacky DAO leather collar. Appearance-wise she's supposed to have dark hair similar to Fergus' and light blue eyes like Bryce).

In my modern AU where she doesn’t live through the massacre of her entire family at age 19, Nessa is considerably more mellow, though still sarcastic, chaotic and a little too full of herself. She meets Alistair at a posh party he's been dragged to in order to spend 'quality time' with Maric and Cailan (I don’t imagine the whole 'bastard' thing to be as egregious in modern Thedas, though he might still be treated as an open 'dirty' secret). They're both bored and thus promptly get into trouble. The rest is history, I guess.

Neria Surana

Class: Mage (mostly Primal and Spirit magic)

Specializations: Spirit Healer, Battlemage

Romance: Solona Amell (past), none in DAO

Ironically, Neria is the warden I've written about the most as she features relatively often in my Ariane/Finn fanfics, even though I've never done a full Surana playthrough. She's also the only other potential warden besides my Cousland who's alive in my canon world state.

She grew up as an orphan in Denerim's Alienage and was taken to the Circle at age nine. Wary of any humans coming to take an elf, she struggled against the templars and ended up being beaten and bruised. After she was handed over, an Enchanter healed her immediately and to Neria, it was the first act of kindness she had received in a long time. Overwhelmed by a place that gave her a roof above her head, regular mealtimes and a bed to sleep in, she grew terrified of being thrown back to the gutter. Therefore, she pursued her studies with an almost aggressive vigor to prove herself. Only the strong survived and she wasn’t going to be weak like so many of the other mages around her.

While Neria was a brilliant apprentice, she was also an elf and quickly noticed how the First Enchanter didn't treat her with the same attention as another apprentice of similar talent : Solona Amell. She made it her mission in life to surpass her academic 'nemesis' in every way she could while failing to notice that the rivalry was very one-sided since Amell actually harbored a huge crush on her. Convinced that love was a weakness she couldn't afford, she didn't figure out her own feelings until it was too late: shortly after their Harrowings, Amell was executed for helping her best friend Jowan the blood mage escape the tower. Then the tower was overrun by demons and, bound by blood magic, Neria was helpless to stop any of it. In the aftermath of everything, she fell into a deep depression with only the memory of her 'lost Lenore' to sustain her. It's only when the Mage Rebellion breaks out and Kinloch Hold falls that she finally comes to terms with Amell's death, allowing herself to admit the wrong that was done to mages like them, and starts looking towards the future again.

Since she's never best friends with Jowan in my mind, it's kind of impossible for her to be the Warden herself, but if she was anyway, she'd be the only one of my Wardens to do the Ultimate Sacrifice. Neria has a prickly personality, but she's always on the straight and narrow and would distrust Morrigan's blood magic too much to agree to the Dark Ritual.

(The Ultimate Sacrifice is the reason I chose poppies for her, since those are supposed to represent sacrifice.)

In my modern AU she's allowed to be a lot happier and though the academic rivalry between her and Amell is alive and well (she studies magic theory while Amell does applied magical studies), they're very close to the point where they are basically dating, even if Neria is too stubborn to admit it to herself. Luckily, Amell is very patient. Neria dresses in very dark and spooky clothes to give all the idiots buying into the stereotypical portrayals of mages in the media a reason to be scared, but despite her sharp edges, she's actually the less dangerous one and the one her friends can always rely on.

Solona Amell

Class: Mage (mostly Primal and Entropy magic) Specializations: Blood Mage, Shapeshifter Romance: Neria Surana (past), none in DAO

More than any other of my Wardens, Solona is the 'dead one' in my mind. She's the kind of person who doesn’t do anything in half-measures. She's very curious and helpful to a fault. If there's a problem in her magical research, she won’t rest until she's found a solution. If there is anything she can do to help, she will do it, no matter the cost. That's how she ends up dead in my canon world state, being caught assisting her best friend Jowan escape the Circle. It’s also how she became a blood mage herself - because if there's a tool to grow her powers so she can help others better, how selfish would it be not to use it? (Of course, there's a good measure of less-than-altruistic fascination with the unknown motivating her as well). As such, Solona has her own somewhat unorthodox moral code that has little to do with what the Chantry considers right and proper. Because she's of a very cheerful and sunny disposition, however, few people suspect her insubordination.

(I tried to incorporate some of the Amell heraldry into her frame and chose bloodwort flowers because a) blood association and b) an innocent looking flower hiding a poisonous juice).

In my modern AU she actually gets to live and is rather infamous among the other mage students for her various, dangerous kitchen experiments. Though she's well liked for her friendly nature, people who know them well would much rather deal with all-bark-no-bite-Neria than 'this is going to be totally harmless, I swear' Solona. Outside of Neria's emotional constipation, an underlying reason for their unresolved feelings are their vastly different views on the ethics of blood magic and Solona's tendency to disregard her own well-being vs. Neria's strong self preservation instincts.

Kallian Tabris

Class: Warrior (Two-handed)

Specializations: Champion, Guardian

Romance: none in DAO

The Tabris origin is the only one I've played to completion besides the Cousland one (and I do consider it the best one despite my preference for the latter). Out of all my Wardens, she's fits the image of the classical hero the most. She's brave, determined, outspoken, fiercely loyal, social and outgoing and always tries to do the right thing, even if it's difficult. Keeping her family in her thoughts, she's incredibly resilient in the face of the horrors of the Blight and only ever comes close to breaking when they're suffering.

Kallian cares very much for the elves of the Alienage and their customs; knowing what was expected of her, she wasn't too conflicted about the arranged marriage despite some initial reservations. Her would-be fiance Nelaros trying to save her and dying for it, even though they barely knew each other, moves her deeply and she keeps his ring for the entirety of the game. In the Wardens, especially the Order she builds in Amaranthine, she finds a second family and they reward her goodness and loyalty with their own. Still, she always longs for the family she left behind in Denerim.

(The frame is supposed to be an hommage to the Vhenadahl and I chose gladiolus flowers because they're meant to represent strength of character and moral integrity from what I've seen. She's mixed, based off of Adaia's and Cyrion's appearances in game and a redhead, because that seems to run in Cyrion's family).

In my modern AU she was successful in protecting Shianni before anything could happen to her, but was badly injured for it. She didn't dare go to a hospital for fear the humans would pin the whole thing on her and get her arrested. Unfortunately, since she was never healed properly, she developed debilitating chronic pains. Nelaros, who she'd met only shortly beforehand, wasn't scared off and stood by her the entire time instead, which is how she fell in love with him. Through mutual friends, she eventually made the acquaintance of Neria and Solona, who managed to heal her with magic (with a wee bit of blood magic thrown in there). In this universe, she finally gets to have a happy wedding instead of the nightmare in DAO. She moves with Nelaros to Highever afterwards, where she starts promoting elven interests the way her cousin Shianni does in Denerim and teaches elven kids self-defense.

Theron Mahariel

Class: Warrior (Archer)

Specializations: Champion, Spirit Warrior

Romance: Zevran

Theron is a calm and patient individual, who thinks very carefully before acting or speaking. As such, they may appear to be silent or even stoic, but they feel things deeply and suffer for a long time when they believe they've failed someone else. They're rather spiritual, which is how they become a Spirit Warrior later on, and very secure in their convictions, but they're not quick to pass judgement on others. In fact, they see the tragic tale of their parents, the star-crossed lovers, as proof that one shouldn't blindly parrot and perpetuate the disapproval of others. As such, they're very open-minded and compassionate, as well as comfortable to be a little flexible with their morals if it ultimately leads to what they deem a better outcome.

Tamlen's death hits Theron very hard, as does the revelation that the Sabrae clan left Ferelden while they were still rebuilding the Order in Amaranthine. It does make it easier to decide to leave with Zevran once they've convinced themselves that the Wardens will be alright, however.

(I chose yellow orchids for them because they're meant to represent friendship and new beginnings. Their armor and hair are based on various Dalish concept art I've seen, while the scarf is meant to be reminiscent of Merrill.)

In my modern AU Tamlen died on a hunting accident while out with Theron and the latter blamed themselves to the point of running away from their clan, eventually ending at the university in Denerim. After a year of trying to forget the past, they transfer to Antiva. Meeting Zevran and realizing how the past has shaped the man they love, they eventually decide to stop running away from themselves and reconnect with their clan. As a nice, open-minded person, they have friends in many different Dalish clans.

Faren Brosca

Class: Rogue (Dual wielding) Specializations: Dualist, Legionnaire Scout Romance: Leliana

Mahariel, Brosca and Aeducan have all first been conceived in my mind as characters in my modern AU and it shows, I'm afraid. In canon, I imagine Faren as a shrewd, but loveable rogue who's always done his best to put on a positive and optimistic face for his sister despite the abuse from their mother and their desperate circumstances. Coming to the surface world is overwhelming at first, but also incredibly gratifying and eye-opening. As someone who was born face-down in the dirt, he has a great appreciation for finding beauty wherever he can and soaks up all the knowledge he's never been given before. As such, he's happy to listen to Leliana's songs and stories for hours on end (and feels like a goddamn hero for getting her that nug as thanks for all her pretty words, even if he's still not sure why she'd want it if she's not gonna eat it). Of course, he's been Carta for most his life, so he understands the underlying darkness in their characters that she's still grappling with. That's also why the encounter with Leske on his return to Orzammar saddens and disappoints him, but doesn't make him lose sleep for long.

(I opted for bioluminescent mushrooms for him, because unexpected beauty in the darkest of places? His appearance is based off of his sister Rica.)

In my modern AU Faren has done plenty of jobs for shady organizations in and outside of Orzammar, but decided to clean up his act a few years ago. He runs martial competitions that, while underground, are mostly legal and adhere to proper rules. He's often doing business in Denerim and unhappily in love with Leliana, who works as a bar tender/singer in a bar in town (as a cover) and is still in a toxic on-and off again relationship with Marjolaine. In their off-times, she sometimes seeks him out, only to break his heart again by getting back with Marjolaine soon after. When she reaches her breaking point and leaves to find peace and quiet at a Chantry, he lets her know that he's there if she needs a friend to come to terms with her life of crime, having gone through the cleanup himself before. Some years down the road, things may look up for them.

Durin Aeducan

Class: Warrior (Sword and Shield) Specializations: Berserker, Reaver Romance: Morrigan

Durin is the most 'character I've never played' out of all of them. I imagine him as proud (to the point of arrogance) and conniving, but loyal to his house and his family, which ends up being his Achilles' heel. He's used to only the finest things in life and being catered to: as such the shame of exile is hard to bear and he doesn't learn to tolerate the surface for a very long time. Ruthless and driven, he doesn't waste any time with cries for help from the unwashed masses, doing nothing but whatever gets him closer to his goal of ending the Blight. He sees through Morrigan's flirtations from the very beginning, but is willing to play her game for the thrill of coming out on top (of course, in a way, they both end up losing once actual feelings come into play). He does care about the wellbeing of Orzammar and believes so strongly in the Aeducan line that he favors his backstabbing brother over the lord who helped him - displaying a shocking lack of scruples and morals in the eyes of Harrowmont's supporters, but to his mind, it all makes sense.

(I chose parts of the Aeducan heraldry for his frame and deathcap mushrooms to surround him - I don't think they grow underground, but they're very poisonous mushrooms which I found apt. I tried to make him look similar to his brothers.)

He never appears directly in my modern AU, but he's still a prince of Orzammar who used to be in a relationship with Morrigan. She broke it off when things got too real and moved on to Orlais, unbeknownst to him. He's currently hired Zevran to track her down.