#specifically. feminine non-binary. it's still a whole process

[magical-xirl-4]

the way that i truly am just non-binary still... idk, surprises me? like, i forget that i am, so i have to remind myself that while i am trans, i'm not a man. at the same time, i'm not a woman. i'm just floating out as something else. something totally new.

but that's why it's so hard for me to affirm myself. there is no exact language to describe me that truly encapsulates my experiences. there's very little representation about what it means to be non-binary. it's why i think about it so much, it's why i fixate on it.

the world is extremely binary, and it's influence over my thoughts is still very strong, despite my gender identity.

it can be lonely. it can be confusing.

my bodily dysphoria is so strong but my social dysphoria is ten fold. to a vast majority of people they will never see me as non-binary no matter how many times i say it, and that haunts me.

i know not everyone will be able to instantly see me as my true self wherever i go and whoever i talk to, but the two binary genders are something that we are innately trained to recognise.

if a person recognises me as 1 or 2 and never 3 instantly, it feels. wrong.

why can't you see me as that? no matter how hard i try; why?

maybe HRT and top surgery will get me there, maybe, hopefully, one day. i want to be seen as androgynous, ambigious, first and foremost. someone who perfectly toes the line of masculinity and femininity. i feel like i am that as a person already but i just want people to be able to see that as soon as they see me.

but ultimately what i truly want is reformation of society. i want- no, need, trans acceptance, and abolishment of gender roles and heteropatriarchy. it's the only way i'll ever be able to thrive and feel comfortable. it's easy for you to people to see man and woman, but i wish it were different. i wish it were more that that.

i still haven't changed my name legally, or moved away from my family, so i'd say i'm in the worst of it. i'm just barely getting enough air to breathe. when i change my name, when i move out, when i go on HRT and get top surgery i will feel better.

but those systems put in place to hold up cisheteronormativity will still exist. i'm not sure how i will feel once i'm up to that point. i'll definitely have more air to breathe. but i can't even picture it right now. i'm still looking up from the well. why do i still have to endure more darkness once i'm fully free to be me?

i really hope for a day where that well won't exist and we'll be able to be on equal level a plain and open field. where we'll get to sit next to each other in the warm gaze of the sun, feeling loved, safe, protected and cared for. where we don't have to fight to exist and feel like ourselves. no conflict, no fighting, no hardship. just ourselves and the purity of it.

[aromanticofficial]

hey dude kinda wanted to complain about stuff. I’m aroallo I don’t date or do partners and im a man and the only other kinda queer I am is a little bit gay cause men are pretty and well the not ace part and all that but I’m not like feminine and stuff so when queer people see me they kind of single me out as like not actually queer cause I just look like some guy and well I am some guy and I’m not gay in the way they consider actually gay because of the whole no partnering thing on top of that I don’t really like feminine men or non binary men I’ve got pretty specific preferences when it comes to alot of stuff so idk I kind of feel left out alot

I got kicked out of alot of groups and stuff especially growing up people would try to make me like “more queer” I guess insisting that I should like try dating men and involving myself with like fem men men with more complicated genders or men who didn’t have dicks and it wasn’t really my style alot of people saw me as like something to be fixed or kicked out and when I didn’t act or do what they wanted they lowkey booted me saying I was scaring the other people in the group and making people uncomfortable actually that happened way more then once.

I tried making myself try alot of things I didn’t want to do or be or be with because of it and it’s been years since all that but something recently brought it up again and even if it’s not as direct I still feel excluded usually so I just wanted to like whine about it a little in your inbox lol.

One thing was a while back I used to make pins and badges with flags for everyone cause I thought If I did people wouldn’t be as scared of me it didn’t work but years later I still do it just because and I ended up giving a couple out recently just cause and my friends now we’re really happy and they don’t treat me like some kind of threat and it’s real nice they even hugged me like alot and they still do it like randomly or whenever I lean in or ask for one! Just so casually it’s really nice I’ve never really gotten held or hugged like that before I got really shy at first actually lol my recent friends they don’t mind what I am they’re sweet I showed them the aroallo flag and they were so nice they were trying to guess what it was and I told them it was the most like casual chill reaction I’ve ever gotten explaining it to someone.

I’m still kind of processing the fact I like men and it’s hard cause I don’t know I’ve sort or been doing on my own cause I’ve gotten kicked from so many places and sure I’ve got friends now but I don’t feel like safe mentioning that part or admitting it’s something I still struggle with and havnt really come to terms with I’m realizing I never really let myself think about men in any kind of gay way and when I try I get mad and embarrassed disgusted and a whole mess of emotions and like being ignored and treated like a threat kind of messed me up and made it even hard r to admit and focus on what I want I guess I’ve been so focused on being palatable in queer spaces I couldn’t actually be queer in them.

last thing let me know if I worded something off I try to like explain preferences without saying something wrong or like exclusionist yknow but sometimes I get things mixed up and I don’t know like alot of titles and like ways to be so let me know if I worded something wrong

Anyway if you post this can you tag it with a sunflower emoji or yellow heart so I can find it later please. And if other Aro blogs want to like respond to or say something that’d be really nice thanks for reading all this I know it was a lot of text

anon you have so many of my condolences for your treatment by other members of the queer community. I hope you find the people who understand you in the future

[pan-magi]

Manga Bonus and Omake Time!

It's June, so I'll do one of the gayest ones. Surprisingly, it's none of Judar's, though they came in very close second hahaha. Nah, I'm going to go over the other magi with vol 19's.

The scans below are mine. I was too lazy to find good copies online, despite cleaning up the images from my shit camera probably was more effort than just finding them. Another note is that they're the English translation from Viz Media. I usually like fan translations a lot of time for analysis because I find it easier to pick apart the more literal translations a lot go for. Alas, I don't have that so these are the same that were published at the end of the volume in America.

These are mostly my own interpretations from this specific scene. Nothing really to back anything up, more-so to explain my thought process because I can and I think it's fun.

Not gonna lie, when I first read that I was like yesss. Fuck gender and sexuality! That's the spirit. And I do think, even though the conversation before is talking about gender, sexuality also applies to the statement since the immediate reply to Scheherazade's words is refuted as Aladdin's perverse behavior is brought up. If she wasn't referring to both then that would be a bigger leap in the conversation. I'm also biased because I am ace, lol.

(for the record, I do see Scheherazade as acespec, and both Aladdin and Yunan under the non-binary umbrella, though not necessarily agender for either of them. I will get my pride Magi hcs up this month. Idk when though so stating this here in case curious.)

(from right to left)

I feel like Scheherazade is doing her best to help Titus out and explain but she should let Titus identify himself.

Titus, you deserve the world. All the future happiness to you to help ease any doubt <3.

This is one of the times gender is the focus on the conversation, and it's about Titus being self conscious on his gender. We see a bit of Yunan's other lives, with some being shown feminine, but that's it. The manga brings attention to it for Titus, although this isn't in the main manga either. The whole conversation and Titus in general gives off big trans energy.

I dunno. I like that they reassure him on who he is. Should have laid off him in the first place, but it's sweet.

(Plus, Aladdin, you are a little shit and should apologize for invading the guy's space when you met and not just for assuming his gender. Bad child.)

I love when they do start to talk about Aladdin, Titus mentions that neither he or Sphintus gets it concerning woman. It could be because they're young, and that's fair. But the more important conclusion:

They're gay, your honor.

Yup, that's what I have. I enjoy that the main talking point was about gender and sexuality, and for me it's easy to see no one there as cishet. The end note is that Scheherazade is likely more wordly than she appears (or wants to be), but I do still see her as ace. I will break down more of my headcanons later; this is long enough already.

Happy Pride Month All. Sharing all my fluffy freshly-baked ace cakes.

[venomroses]

★ for party poison!!

★ - sad headcanon

I think unlike what most people hc Party and Kobra weren't really super close as kids. Party was their father's favorite as much as their father had favorites (he didn't really like either of them) and the only son, so they were constantly being pushed to be perfect and did their best to keep up the facade, while Kobra was mostly just seen as weird or stupid or lazy especially compared to Party's perfection. Party wasn't always the nicest about Kobra's differences, which wasn't entirely their fault, those things were all they'd ever heard said about Kobra and kids just copy the things they hear from adults. They still got along most of the time, but it hurt Kobra a lot even after he was old enough to recognize they just didn't know better.

Kobra escaped to the desert first with Party following a little while after and out there he found D and Cherri and Pony. Cherri and Pony were pretty quick to adopt him as a little brother, especially Cherri who'd already adopted Pony as his little brother a few years earlier. It didn't take long for Kobra to realize that older brothers aren't supposed to make you feel like shit and he was pretty content to just forget about his old family and move on.

Until Party showed back up.

Party was not cool with Kobra being trans or with him calling these weird fucked up people, these criminals his "family" and tried to get him to come back to the City. As you can imagine that only deepened Kobra's dislike of them. Party wasn't going back without Kobra and eventually started to realize how fucked up BLI was and how going back probably wasn't a good idea. It still took a while for them to learn about the whole trans thing but in the end they were cool with it and realized they're non-binary themself.

Still, Kobra wasn't particularly interested in being super close with them and they were really jealous of Cherri and Pony. Internalized transphobia made them feel like a failure of an older brother specifically, like they'd failed to be all the things that a younger sister, their younger sister, needed from her older brother. They'd failed so badly she'd gone and found herself two new older brothers and didn't need them anymore. And especially comparing themself to Cherri and Pony, who they were sure embodied masculinity better than they ever had, despite the fact that by City standards they wouldn't have been masculine at all and that even by Zones standards they were considered more androgynous or even feminine. They also felt like a failure of an older sibling, or just a sibling in general, realizing the way they'd treated Kobra most of their life had been really, really wrong.

They do make up (sort of) and are the closest they've ever been by the time they move into the diner but there's always this sort of tension between them because neither is able to really properly process the things that happened when they lived in the City or how their relationship was previously, so they can't properly heal from it and move on. Party's always a little jealous of the station crew and the rest of the Fab Four, knowing that of everyone around them they're Kobra's least favorite, and it's their own damn fault.

[polystarangel]

So for my added two cents I'd like to clarify that "you" and "us" are generalized pronouns and I'm not targeting anyone specifically. Except for maybe oogsir and those with similar views.

As an androgynous enby who specifically dresses to both extreme ends of the spectrum, isn't it within our right to play with gender? I can become indistinguishable from either a cis man or cis woman and yet i still don't owe anyone any kind of performance. Now... I can be androgynous, feminine, or masculine. Depending on the day for whatever reason I deem fit I choose on that. Cause its a spectrum. Right?

I take on gendered roles and/or jobs I see having a deficit or as a necessity as a COURTESY to those around me. After I decide whether or not I give a shit about my audience's opinion or not, I allow myself the courtesy of agency that society continues to strip from me and my non-binary leaning siblings.

If you partake in the gender construct that doesn't mean you are supporting gender constraints. Acting like its my job to erase those constraints for YOU to have more freedom is... honestly not my problem but YOURS TO PROCESS THROUGH. Also impossible because people act like we don't exist when talking about us REGARDLESS of what we wear.

Again it isn't my problem to help you overcome those constraints that... honestly YOU are putting on the gender spectrum by 3rd gendering ME.

I've already processed through my views on what the gender spectrum could be and the lack of gender as a whole and am making my way to a future I desire myself, thats why I do what I do babe.

"The nonbinary afab who goes by she/her, dresses femininely, and uses a push-up bra when I—" when you what? What's wrong with her?

Is she not nonbinary enough for you? Is the way she experiences her queerness and how she presents not perfect enough for you? Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny, right? So why is she the exception? Why does she have to hate herself to appeal to your standards? Why is she any less trans—any less worthy of respect—cause it's "not visible"? Queer solidarity my ass. Don't spout this bullshit on Pride, man.

[khali-pap]

In my head Ganondorf is trans and I feel like I wanna explain the whole implifcation of like trans voe in all vai and stuff

Well in my head gender is less about body and more about spirit, there are always male, and female within Gerudo it's just so happens all of them are vai or non binary, agender, queergender or such really.

And I would kinda equate this to how many cultures sees transgenderism as a testament of one's spirituality and divine truth so when it comes to trans vai or queergender folk they too are seen to have a level of divinity and spirituality and gain spiritual statuses for that.

So when a Gerudo is born I don't exactly think they are assigned a gender entirely, well, more popularly they are vai regardless of their parts, but some opt to raise their kids gender neutrally until those kids say otherwise or such, I think there is some overlap since at some point feminine terms may be just gender neutral.

So for a Gerudo voe, they could either be cis or trans, he just needs to have the spirit of a voe. I feel like technically even if it was what we call a male voe I think that still technically counts them as trans cause they weren't assigned male at all at birth, just vai or non binary, being voe would be something they'd claim for themselves later. Its all in the spirit of being something other than what others claimed you to be.

I like to think there are genderqueer, polygender voe too and they are accepted as the fated Gerudo king too, perhaps this one has some more specifics or complexities but either way, their genderqueerness is just a testament to their spirituality after all.

So yeah being a voe is just a testament to your spirituality and divine truth and due to its rarity that may be why it is held up high and the expectation of King is set in place, but that doesn't mean a voe would become automatically the King, perhaps it is more of just a title cause you are the only male but it could just be more symbolic than anything.

Really for a Gerudo voe you're more placed on a spiritual expectation so it's more likely you'd be raised to become a priest or such, the actual royalty has to be earned in some way and that opens up even bigger responsibilities and expectations if one expresses their gunning for the title, so he must prove himself.

So the body of a man is defined by one who carries the spirit of one. I think back to how male gods popularly in many mythology can get pregnant and I remember questioning why the popularity, only to compare it to the genderqueer priests of my country, Malaysia, yes they used to exist before colonialism, and compare it to many other cultures, perhaps people saw male gods being able to get pregnant and such as a testament to their divinity and grandness that no such binary sex or norms or such could ever deny their truest forms.

So it so happens Ganondorf was born and he was assigned vai or non binary by Koume and Kotake, but in my head knowing it was often illegal to "imitate men" so to speak and that is all what Ganondorf did, I imagine in terms of gender he was quite the subversive rule breaker even before realizing his spirit as a voe, and he'd be remembered as quite the genderqueer king, a trend setting king, genderqueer in more of expression.

Ganondorf was quite the rule breaker in social norms and appearance and he could care less for scoldings, if something felt manly to him he'd fondly claim it such, but I imagine there was a point where he was pulled in by the other village elders to speak to Koume and Kotake about his horrible example to the other children, questioning if they let this girl be corrupted in some way.

In that scolding, the elder said she was just so... So.... Butch! It was an insult at first, to insinuate some hypermasculinity of sorts, but Ganondorf heard that word as a kid and his usually bored self felt his ears ring at that word.

His thought process was like butch... 🤨 Buuuutch ..... 🤔........ Buuuuttcchhh....😈😈😈😈

And so after that scolding, the arrogant kid would hold his nose up high and brag about his butchness to everyone, having found a new word to express himself to his elders dismay.

Having a fondness for masculinity, there was the question of what does that mean, what does it look like... And I guess when analyzing through various histories and cultures, he slammed the book shut and said why should he be bound by the trends of the time when he could make them himself! So hence even more rule breaking was inspired, to his elders misfortune, and it oh so happened that he realized he is a voe, which, well , it so happens. Trans voe, trans man.

And so I always think Ganondorf follows his own code of masculinity and manliness, it is not just his clothes, but his mind, and spirit, and actions. He even wears what is popularly feminine to excercise his masculinity, saying if it can be one way to others, it shall be another to himself.

So I think that is where the genderqueerness comes from in the fact Ganondorf never heeded in any standard and hed laugh saying you may think what you want at the sight of the confused, it doesn't change his truth as a butch voe and his masculinity.

His masculinity was expansive and vast, and he would not heed to especially what, for example , a pale hylian may think, saying his masculinity is limited by the width of his hips or by the length of his hair, or by the fact Ganondorf decides to keep his breasts as they are.

There was also the question of what does the spirit of voe mean, though the elders are cryptic, amongst the public many may assume it would mean some evil or inherent betrayal to Gerudo that must be redeemed of sorts, I guess this was the one social misconception that actually did weigh on Ganondorf. But he could only charge through and prove himself as king.

I think thanks to his ways, butch vai and enby folk become more publically seen now he really tested and bent the rules of what tradition and stigma set and how masculinity and butchness should be freely encompassed and enjoyed by all.

[transandrophobiatruther]

Not saying you're not dysphoric at all, just saying your belief that it doesn't matter if you have gender incongruence or not is inherently harmful to the wider trans community, and maybe you should do more research.

Of course I'm pissed at the control cis people have, but I also want to make sure non-dysphorics don't GET dysphoria from transitioning to a gender they aren't.

I don't want to see them suffer through a mostly irreversable struggle just because they made a bad decision.

Gender dysphoria ≠ gender incongruance.

Gender incongruance is just feeling as though your gender doesn't align with the gender you were assigned at birth. To provide a few examples of what a non-dysphoric trans person may experience:

-Someone who doesn't hate the gender they were assigned at birth/being referred to as such, but feels a whole lot happier with another gender identity, e.g, a non-dysphoric trans woman may feel indifferent about being referred to as a man, but she's a whole lot happier as a woman and being referred to as such.

-Someone who does not experience physical dysphoria and does not wish to pursue physical transition, e.g, a trans man who chooses not to bind, go through the process of hrt, or get any surgeries, and possibly may not present as traditionally masculine, but is still a man and wants to be referred to as such.

-Someone who is unable to define what dysphoria would feel like for them because their identity exists outside of the binary, e.g, an agender person who does not feel dysphoric about their body, nor euphoric about the idea of possessing a "masculine" or "feminine" or even androgynous body.

And there's plenty of other ways, I'm sure, but those are a few examples of friends and people in my life.

Gender dysphoria is feeling distress from gender incongruance - the source of that dysphoria may be from specific body parts, from certain aspects of one's character, from the way one is expected to behave or dress, from situations one may be placed in, and from being misgendered and misperceived as another gender. But not everyone who experiences gender incongruance experiences distress from it and thus, not every trans person is dysphoric.

It's also impossible to make a perfect checklist for gender dysphoria. What happens when a bigender person decides they want to keep their chest and get phallo, but doesn't feel male, and therefore is denied the surgery? What happens when a nonbinary woman wants to keep her facial hair and told she's not a real woman when she chooses to grow a beard? What happens when a genderfluid person wants to get a neo vagina but doesn't want hrt? Hell, what happens when a binary trans guy, who does experience gender dysphoria, decides to wear a dress and gets denied access to hrt?

Using dysphoria as a determining factor as to whether someone can be allowed to transition or not is a very dangerous game. It's been used to forcefully sterilize trans folks -- people who had to prove they were truly trans, truly dysphoric, by giving up their autonomy.

And what about those people who don't fit into binary boxes, who don't meet the expectations determined by cisgender people? What happens when you step out of line, and it's used against you, by people who insist it's for your own good and that you'll regret it?

What other people do with their lives and their bodies isn't up to you. Sure, some people are going to regret it. People regret serious decisions all the time - the decision to get married, to have plastic surgery, to throw themselves into decades of debt to pursue a career they hate, ir even the decision to get a tattoo. There are and will continue to be people who transition and regret it, and there's many more people who were unfairly held back from transitioning because they didn't meet the criteria. You can't do anything for the people who will regret it. It's not your body and it's not your choice. It's not fair to suggest that other trans people should have to suffer to prevent a few more people from making decisions over their bodies and lives that they'll regret.

And the cis people who dictate who gets to transition based on dysphoria don't have your best interest in mind. They want to prevent as many people from transitioning as possible, especially if those people aren't binary, and especially if these cis people perceive them as "weird" or "abnormal."

[commander-diomika]

Pairing: Zolf Smith/Cel Sidebottom Word Count: 2100 Rating: Mature Additional Tags: Spanking, Asexual Character, Non-Sexual Kink, Kink Negotiation, RQG kinktober, Kinktober 2021, Aftercare Prompt: Spanking Summary: Cel has a favourite method of stress relief that they haven't indulged in awhile. Zolf seems like the kind of person who would be able to help. Notes: Trans feminine non binary Cel coz why not? You know they've got the potions to make just about anything work.

Cel has always admired Zolf’s hands. Like a miniature of his stature, they were broad, probably twice the breadth of Cel’s slender ones, and yet there was something so deft and gentle about them. The way that Zolf tied a complex knot, or kneaded dough, held a certain fascination for them.

“I wanted to ask something from you, Zolf. A favour, probably, and I know you like helping people but I don’t want you to feel like you have to say yes but I was just thinking that if y-”

Zolf held up one of those delightful hands and Cel stopped. “I’m listenin’, Cel. What can I do for you?”

“There’s this thing, that I like, it’s sort of a stress relief thing, and I haven’t had a chance to do it in a long time and I know you would be very good at it-”

“Cel. Specifics, please? I can’t say yes ‘r no if you don’t tell me what you’re askin’.”

Cel took a sharp breath in, their eyes bright and guileless, “I’d like you to spank me.”

Zolf looked momentarily poleaxed. Wherever he might have guessed this was going, that was NOT it.

“But I want to say, it’s not a sex thing. It’s honestly just,” they fluttered their hands as if extrapolating, “-nice! And I came to you because I know that you wouldn’t read into that anything that wasn’t there because, well, that’s just the kind of person you are.”

Zolf turned the idea over slowly, not even realising when he started to slightly nod his head. “I reckon I could do that for you.”

…

Cel led Zolf to their room, face glowing with excitement.

“Ok!”

Zolf wasn’t sure what to do with his hands, or how to get started on such a strange request, but he trusted that Cel knew enough about their needs to lead the way.

“Now, first question. Would you be comfortable if I was naked? I know some people make a big thing out of nudity. Honestly, I’d just be more comfortable that way, but! Only if you are also comfortable with that.” For once Cel actually managed to finish their sentence and waited for Zolf’s response, head tilted.

Zolf shrugged. He was on a similar page when it came to nudity. It meant exactly no more or less than what people assigned to it. “Whatever you like. This is your show.”

Cel beamed and started on the buttons of their shirt. Zolf admired the unique aesthetics of their body as they undressed, long limbs, surprisingly square and sinewy shoulders, small peaked breasts and their prick resting soft between their legs.

They left the goggles perched jauntily on the top of their head. Zolf, whilst not completely certain what they did, knew they were magically imbued. He didn’t find it too strange that Cel might prefer to leave them on even in an intimate situation. Or if it was strange, no more than Cel usually was.

“Do you think I’ll be at a workable height if I lean over this desk?” Without waiting for a response, Cel cleared the surface of said desk with a tinkling clatter of metal and mystery components.

Zolf’s mouth twitched in a fond smile. “Should be right.”

With another absolutely winning smile, Cel turned, moved the chair, and leant their long torso over the surface, perching on their elbows. The table was of a height that folded them to a right angle, maybe a bit sharper if they rested their chest all the way down.

Cel looked over their shoulder, stomach giving a little thrill of excitement as Zolf came over. It really had been too long, and they were looking forward to having those lovely hands on their backside.

Zolf rested on hand in the small of Cel’s back, and waited, as if for some kind of starting signal.

Right! Cel realised through their anticipation. For all that Zolf always radiated an air of reassuring competency, there was every chance he’d never done this before. Perhaps Cel had gotten slightly ahead of things by stripping off and presenting their bare arse to him over a desk.

“So, if you just… give me a few whacks and I’ll let you know where things stand? Focus on this rounded part-“ they indicated with a hand “- but I’d like it if you went down my thighs a bit as well.”

“I’m guessin' you’d prefer if I try not to touch b’tween your legs.” Zolf clarified.

“Yes, correct. There’s “nice, neurochemically stimulating pain,” and “ouch no fun” pain and I’d definitely prefer the former and not the latter. If you just keep a nice steady pace, the area will warm as blood comes to the surface in a mild inflammation response, my tolerance will build, and you’ll be able to increase intensity.”

Zolf smiled that fond little smile again as Cel continued. “We can calibrate a nice starting spot together. I don’t think you’ll get too carried away, but if it’s too much I’ll just say “stop” or if I need a moment I’ll say “pause.””

Zolf simply nodded. That was the information he had been seeking, plus the typical Cel extra. “Ready?” was all he said.

Cel nodded, and Zolf wound up and gave their buttock a smack with a tempered amount of force. Their arse was quite lean and firm beneath his hand.

“Oof! Yes! You can go up from there, by about twenty percent to start.”

Zolf wasn’t entirely sure his understanding of his strength could be broken down to a percentile, but he did his best.

Together, they calibrated. He’d give two or three spanks, Cel would offer feedback, and he’d go again. After two or three rounds of this, Cel settled their chest all the way down to the desk, cushioning their head on their forearms.

“That’s perfect, Zolf, thank you! Continue just like that!” They gave their hips a little inviting wiggle. “Please,” they added as an afterthought, voice slightly muffled into the desk.

Zolf gave a small chuckle and continued.

He settled into a rhythm; It was surprisingly satisfying. By Cel’s metric he was probably using about fifty percent of his strength, alternating cheeks with one hand still resting in the small of Cel’s back. He brought the blows down their thighs and was rewarded with a little squirm and a delighted puff of air from Cel as he did so.

Zolf’s palm grew warm, and Cel’s pale skin reddened beneath the firm blows. He watched their torso melt a little further into the desk, and when they turned their head, he noted that same red flush across their cheekbones. He slowed momentarily when they gave a small moan, but they hadn’t asked for a pause, so he could only take that as a good sign.

A few minutes later Zolf changed hands, coming to stand on the other side of them. He expected the small pause to be filled with Cel’s usual chatter, but they remained silent.

Zolf didn’t think he’d ever been a room with Cel without hearing them speak for this length of time.

When his other hand had grown as warm from impact as the first, Cel spoke. “Pause.” Their voice was breathy in a way that Zolf had never heard before. He paused, and without thinking took both hands and gave both of Cel’s arsecheeks a massaging squeeze. Cel sighed with pleasure.

“My tolerance has definitely gone up. If you could increase the intensity? I can take about twenty to thirty percent more.” They dropped their head back onto their forearms, and again, after a sufficient pause for it to occur to them, they added, “Please.”

Zolf gave what was asked of him. The flesh under his palms was achingly warm now, and on the rounded parts where he had been hitting most frequently, there was a slight raised area, starting to darken from flushed pink to a deeper, purple tinged colour.

When they asked for another pause, this time they sounded drunk. They got their arms underneath them and straightened up.

“Had enough?” Zolf asked, his voice coming out a little rougher than he’d intended.

“No, no it’s just-” They turned blinked somewhat owlishly at him, their cheeks a delightful shade of pink. “My legs are starting to give, a little. Which is good! I am nicely full of the endorphins released by this kind of process.”

They licked their lips, and Zolf couldn’t help but think that Cel looked incredibly cute like this.

“If it alright with you…” For the first time in this whole scenario, they sounded hesitant. “Could I lie down? In your lap, maybe? Only if you’re comfortable with that.”

Zolf swallowed. As they came up off the desk and turned, Zolf couldn’t help but let his eyes dip to their crotch. Well, he didn’t have to dip very far, with their height difference. Cel’s prick was still soft between their legs. Perhaps if they had been hard, he might have felt awkward about taking them into his lap, but it seemed they had been accurate in reporting that this was purely about sensation for them.

He nodded, and went to settle on Cel’s bed. Before Cel joined him, their hands fluttered, reaching toward their head as they considered something. “Hm,” was all they said, again surprising Zolf with their lack of patter.

Cel clambered onto the bed with shy smile. They crawled over him and draped their long body across his thighs, arse perked up over his lap. Zolf could feel a touch of tension in the body where it touched his. Cel turned their head to look at him, thoughtful through their slightly sensation-drunk haze.

“Um,” they said, and brought their hands up, delicately removing the goggles and handing them to Zolf. “Could you put those on the dresser, please?”

Zolf couldn’t help but feel he was being handed something more than a pair of goggles as he obeyed.

Cel closed their eyes, and sighed, unsteady but relieved. “Could you- not hard- but could you hold onto my hair?” Again, Cel was shyer than Zolf had come to expect from them. “Only if your comfortable with it.”

Zolf smiled and his stomach swooped a little at that. There was something warm in his chest, this feeling of being trusted with something rare and precious. “Sure.”

He curled one hand into the short hair at the nape of Cel’s neck, and as he gripped, he felt that last measure of tension go out of the body resting against his.

“Ready?” He asked softly. Cel nodded, slightly pulling their own hair in his grasp.

The shift in energy from the desk to the bed was palpable as Zolf started up his firm blows again. Cel sighed, and whimpered and shifted against him, and this time they didn’t need to speak; Cel had fed Zolf enough data for him to be able to read the request for more, and harder, and faster. He felt his own breath start to quicken from exertion, let his smacks rise and swell and push, seeking more of those little pleasured gasps that Cel now seemed more comfortable releasing.

He wasn’t quite giving them everything he had, but through the nice, dreamy rhythm he had fallen into, he found himself marvelling that this skinny alchemist could take as much as they were. The sweet spots of Cels’ arse was now dark with pre-bruising and their toes curled and rubbed into the coverlet on the bed.

He gave a few hearty spanks and Cel gasped into the covers. Zolf felt them go completely limp. Suddenly there was just a puddle of sweaty half-elf in his lap.

“Cel? Hey now.” He ran his hand up Cel’s spine, suddenly worried. “Is that enough?”

Cel groaned out an assent and rubbed their face against the covers. If they were wiping away tears, Zolf didn’t mention it. “Yes. I- thank you, Zolf.”

He helped Cel off his lap and they laid their long body out flat, their tall hair flattened with sweat against their forehead. They smiled dreamily at him. “That. Was. Perfect.”

Zolf felt any worry drain out of him, and his heart felt full and delighted. There was nothing he liked more than helping people, no matter that this was a new and unconventional method of doing so.

“Is there anythin’,” his voice felt wobbly and he cleared his throat to try again. “Anythin’ you need now? Healin’, water?”

Cel shook their head at both the offers, then smiled, a bit less bright than their usual smile, something hazier and more relaxed. “Actually. I wouldn’t mind a hug. Only if you’re-”

“-comfortable with that,” he finished with Cel and their mouth twisted wryly. “’Course.” He laid down next to them and gathered the loose-limbed half-half elf to his chest.

They stayed like that for a long moment, before Cel piped up, their voice sounding steadier for being held. “Zolf?”

“Mm?”

“I just realised- uhm- should we perhaps have sound proofed the room first?”

[ooglywooglies]

probably even worse that my singular trans character is not even a human, hes part of my vampire alien species that only has one sex which is arguably neither male nor female, they have a whole separate gender system that centers around appearing femininely human but its not really the same as being a human woman because theyre not humans and theyre not appearing that way for personal reasons

in this world human gender is the same as our world, you got your penis borners your vagina borners your intersex, your agab, your male, your female, your non binary, your combinations, your others

in nyesaya gender there is 3

tsozou - means "traditional" this is where you shapeshift (which is a slow process it is not fast at all its like growing your hair out) to appear as an attractive human woman, and you can keep up with beauty trends in order to appear appealing and vulnerable and prey on human men siren style

(i wrote this concept when i was 18 where i really identified with the concept, please dont read it in bad faith lol)

houzou - means "non conforming" this has more to do with vampires that choose not to look as human, really they can have any kind of gender performance though probably. this concept describes 1 very specific character i made

raro - basically just means "transgender" its a specific term for a nyesay who decided to shapeshift to be masculine instead of feminine

houzou and raro are both pretty uncommon but raro is less common that houzou and more shameful because theyre both seen as self destructive (if you dont look "appealing" then you cant eat - which isnt inherently true both characters get by just fine) but raro is kind of especially gross because human men in nyesay culture are stupid and evil, nyesaya never prey on women because its more difficult and a lot of them get push back when confronting a man so hunting them is more justifiable.

i know this sounds like "oh alex you just made your cannibal aliens into angry man hating feminists, youre demonizing women for being victims of abuse" and like thats not what my perspective is i will probably just have to tell you how i got here because this has been in development for 10 years

so when i was about 18 i was nb but fairly female aligned, ive dealt with a lot of abuse from men in my childhood and especially recently having just dealt with my moms divorce and shaken off a long time stalker, i was (and still am) BIG into feminism and i think MRA stuff was also a big deal at the time and i was also on OKC and getting horrible messages constantly so i was pretty fuckin done with men

i make mauvi (the demon looking girl) and set up some vampire lore where they are their own species of creature, they can change appearance, they are female presenting siren types, and they can ONLY eat human flesh, none of this animal blood or any red liquid bullshit, because whats the point of a vampire if they dont kill people.

i think to myself if i was a vampire who would i kill and how would i justify it. obviously everyone immediately has the light yagami idea right? oh ill just kill BAD PEOPLE, but then you immediately run into the light yagami PROBLEM which is how do you decide who is bad and who isnt, and if you can decide who is bad how bad do they have to be to deserve having their life ended. youre not light yagami in this situation, you dont have the option to simply not kill anyone, you have to or else you will starve to death, you are a regular person with regular person strength and social power.

my immediate response to this thinking is im a young beautiful girl, i will simply wait for the predatory men like those in my OKC dms to approach me, ill lead them away out of sight, and i will kill and eat them.

[ graphic depictions of violence ]

its not as simple as that though, have you considered what doing something like that would feel like? especially to have to do it on a regular basis? to be subjected to abuse and then to have to kill a person, have you ever thought about what itd feel like to kill someone? like physically, that youd have to manually cut off the blood flow to someones brain with your own hands and fingers, youd probably have to cut through their skin and fat and muscle because you probably dont have the strength to strangle them. you have to wait for them to stop breathing and watch their blood spill out of their neck or wherever you decided to cut them.

i think, if it were me, i would start to resent them for making me experience that. because of course i can see the person im killing as someone who had memories and experiences before this who had people that loved them and they probably werent all bad. they probably made someone laugh before, what if they had a dog, what if they chose never to speak to me in the first place. you talked to me so i HAD to kill you, i didnt have a choice, and there are other people out there like you who will try to approach me because of how i look and i will have no choice but to kill them too. and every single time i do i will have to watch them stop breathing and i will think about the people who may have loved them and if this was just a one time mistake. if i judged them for something they could be redeemed for. this isnt about him or what hes done, its about what its doing to ME. i cant turn off my empathy for you, and for that i hate you even more, i hate that you make me hate myself.

and so she tries to look less human every day, a little bit less appealing, so that one day she doesnt have to do it anymore.

and i have to think, of course this is just one perspective, just my perspective. but how does this affect the entire rest of the population that has to deal with this kind of stuff. yknow, of course you hate men of course you resent men. its happened so many times it almost feels like its how all of them are, its something about their nature.

and now, im transgender, im a transgender man. yknow i look back on those feelings i had, my experiences with misogyny and hatred and stuff and i think about how someone living a life like that would feel to know i went from going through everything they experienced to wanting to be a man anyway. it feels like a betrayal. especially because everyone knows you wont get what she thinks you want out of it, from her perspective you are leaving her behind to continue to be abused and feel resentment for the men she has to kill. and youre escaping it, youre switching sides, to be one of the men that she HAS to kill.

to me, the different things we grow into, monsters of misappeal are not really that different, maybe it is an escape i dont really know.

anyway i know it got a little deep and a little personal, im just trying to convey that you shouldnt just generalize my vampires to be this way or that way irt feminism and sex politics and all that because like i said its been 10 years so far of development. i use them to explore A LOT of different ideas and one thing i really like about them is trying to explore different perspectives. almost all of my vampires are extreme ends of a spectrum that spikes into different directions, i do this for FUN and to exercise my brain.

vampires do have a "tradition" and a "culture" but they are not all the same they have different opinions on things, even the ones that fall into "traditional" mindsets dont agree with each other. i have a bunch of them that didnt get brought up at all in this post because its too fucking long already. also this side of the vampire politics is only like, a quarter of all the shit ive developed about them i have literally another post im making simultaneously that im gonna post right after this one.

its kinda strange that i only have ONE transgender character, out of like 30

[girlsbtrs]

An Interview with PLEXXAGLASS

Written by Olivia Khiel. Graphic by James N Grey. 

Non-binary dark pop artist PLEXXAGLASS has found their identity and carved out their own space in the music world. With the pandemic putting things on hold, they took to TikTok, reaching a new community of queer fans to connect with through songs like “Liar” and “Lilith” (the latter produced by Linkin Park’s Mike Shinoda). GBTRS spoke with Plexxaglass about collaborating with Shinoda, their gender identity journey and what they hope listeners will connect with in their music.

Girls Behind the Rock Show: Now that you have more music out, how would you describe the evolution of your sound from when you started to where you are now?

Plexxaglass: I love that question. Because it's kind of funny- I feel like I made a little bit of a circle. I say that because the first two songs that I put out- "Lament en Route" and "Liar"- they're pretty similar sonically to the songs that I'm putting out. So much so that I'm actually going to include those songs on the LP that I'll be releasing, tentatively in October. There's an interesting little gap between those first two songs, and then I put out three other songs that was like my experimental phase. I'm always having fun, but I was trying some different things. I'm happy that I did that and there were two music videos that came out of that cycle or phase. Those songs are "Dead-Eyed Monsters" and "Ana Thema". But I feel like I found my way back to what I found initially, which is really interesting and fun to realize now.

GBTRS: What's the story behind your latest singles? What was it like collaborating with Mike Shinoda on "Lilith"?

Plexxaglass: "Lilith" was a half-finished song honestly- maybe even a quarter-finished song when I even got in touch with Mike. That happened so serendipitously-I had a listener who was also a regular viewer of my Twitch channel and a huge Linkin Park and Shinoda fan in general who hit me up on Instagram and was like, 'Mike Shinoda is producing independent artists' tracks, you should totally submit'. 

I submitted what I had of "Lilith" at the time, which was only a verse and the hook. It was a song that I loved and I knew that I wanted to be finished. I'm not one of those musicians that can just be like, 'alright, I'm gonna write a song today'. I really have to be called by the Muses or some shit. I have to be very inspired. But when Mike reached out to me, that was incentive and inspiration enough. I think when I was sitting down to finish it, I finished in maybe 20 minutes. That's just how it happens sometimes. When it's there, it's there and I finish songs really quickly. The process of working with Mike was amazing, and him and his team told me in the beginning that it was going to be pretty hands off on my part. I knew going in that I was gonna have to take it or leave it, which was sort of scary. I was like, oh shit, what if I don't like it? Am I gonna have to tell Mike Shinoda that I don't want to release the work that he did on my track? Oh my god, that's so scary. But no, of course, he's just so versatile. He really is a musician's musician, and he just gets music in general- doesn't matter what genre it is. I believe my song is the one that he finished the fastest, which is very flattering. It made me feel like it was just very ready. He didn't really have to do too much to it. It was a really, really cool experience that I just will cherish forever and ever and ever.

GBTRS: The song came out beautifully so it's great that things worked out so well.

Plexxaglass: Yeah! And the inspiration behind that one- I wrote it out of a fascination with the second season of The Handmaid's Tale. I found that dynamic so fascinating. I find women or femme-presenting people who [are] in a marginalized group who buys into very oppressive religious practices horrifying and fascinating at the same time. That was the inspiration behind writing that and really sitting with wondering if there's ever an awakening with those people. That was really the basis for that whole song.

GBTRS: You've gotten to collab with Mike Shinoda, but is there anyone else on your list that you'd love to be in the studio with in the future?

Plexxaglass: Oh god, yeah. So many. Right off the top of my head...I love Bishop Briggs, I love Dermot Kennedy, Bon Iver, Annie from St. Vincent, Florence Welch. Those are the big ones. I would die happy if I ever got to collaborate with any of them. That would be amazing.

GBTRS: What else do you find yourself drawing inspiration from these days?

Plexxaglass: Up until this point, it's been very autobiographical. It's been very much things that have happened in my life. I am trying to get away from that because I'm somebody who writes more somber music. I have some anthemic stuff that's more uplifting, but it is dark pop. I am at a point in my life where I'm generally- I'm mentally ill- but I'm generally a happy person. There's not a lot of dramatic tragedy going on in my life at 30 anymore. I'm trying to write a little more abstractly these days, but the themes that seem to always reoccur are very social justice motivated. Writing about mental illness and mental health are all themes that I tend to write about over and over again in different ways.

GBTRS: You've been very vocal and open about your gender identity and that's very important to so many people who are looking to find themselves in the people that they listen to. Do you have any advice for people who are struggling with that, or even advice for creatives who are in the industry who are working through that as well? 

Plexxaglass: So my coming out as non-binary is still honestly pretty new. I came out publicly about it a little over a year ago. It's something that I always knew, but growing up we just didn't have the language for it. I didn't really know why I felt so out of place and that it felt like such a struggle to present as feminine as possible so as not to feel like I was an outsider. I spent many years trying very hard to conform. 

I think a lot of it was literature that talked about neo-pronouns [that] was something that happened for me that was really an eye-opener. I knew at that point that there were people who used they/them pronouns [and] identified as non-binary, but for some reason, it didn't really click until a book called Black Sun. They have a character that uses neo-pronouns. It just really slapped me in the face. 

I'm really lucky. My friends and family have been almost apathetic about it- like 'that totally makes sense'. The other thing that really helped me was honestly TikTok as well. There is a large trans and non-binary community on TikTok. That was where I really found community, because it was scary to me, because I have conformed for so long. Being a woman was something that I made a very clear part of my identity for so long, that I was scared to lose that community.

I would just say to anyone who is afraid of that: anyone who doesn't still want to welcome you in their space isn't a person you want in your life anyway. I've been lucky that I haven't really had a lot of that. It was a struggle to let go of that. After I came out publicly, I was looking through my closet and I have all of these shirts that say Girl Club and Badass Woman [and] all of these because I was trying so hard. It was difficult to let go of that and come to terms with the fact that it really never was me- it was a mask that I was putting on to feel included and normal.

GBTRS: Do you have a song in your catalog that particularly resonates with you?

Plexxaglass: There's a song that's coming out in August. It's the last single off of this record [and] it's called "Tall". It is about being a trauma survivor- my trauma- and just a rallying cry for trauma survivors in general. I have put out little teasers of it on TikTok and it does seem like it's really resonating with people, which is very exciting. But out of the catalog of songs that I have out currently, the song "Liar"...it's kind of similar in tone. I wrote it after I was diagnosed Bipolar II. It's a song that's very clearly about mental health struggles and I think anyone who does struggle with depression really does relate to that song. That song was the one that really gifted me listeners from TikTok. So that's a song I'll always cherish for many, many reasons, but it has definitely brought me my little music family.

GBTRS: Now that you're starting to connect even more with your listeners, is there anything specific that you hope people take away from your music when they hear you for the first time?

Plexxaglass: I think, like most people, I wanted to create a little community, and I do feel like I'm finally getting to a point where I'm doing that with my music and connecting people and their experiences. 

GBTRS: Now that things are starting to move forward, what's coming up for you?

Plexxaglass: I want to get back to playing shows. I definitely want to pair a show with the release of the record, so I'm hoping I'm going to book some shows for the fall. Get back into rehearsals with a band and get that going and just keep writing and coming up with new material for the next wave of music.

GBTRS: Is there anything else that you want people to know about you or your music, or is there anything that you wish you got to talk about more that you might not get asked?

Plexxaglass: Wow, good question. I think a lot of people don't realize that musicians- especially independent artists- this is this is our small business. It takes a lot of work, obviously, it takes talent and patience, but it takes money. That's why they're there are gaps in time of when I put music out, because sometimes I just legitimately can't afford to- which is sad, I wish that the US had more support for artists like I know other countries do- I know that the UK is really good about grant opportunities for their artists out there. 

I know that people are happy to consume music, but I think people don't realize- especially in the independent side of things- how hard it is to be a musician who's trying to make it in this country. I appreciate everyone who has ever just randomly sent me like $2 on PayPal. It means so much to me because it means that they get that and I think that is something really special and cool about the family that I'm building with my music because they think that they really see me and they appreciate the work. It's people who genuinely want to be involved in my work, and that is something I've never experienced before until the past year or two. That's awesome because myself and my producer, Kevin...we love this project to death. It's awesome to see response from people who love it just as much as we do.

[i-miss-balthazar]

The Real Dean Winchester

Warnings: John Winchester was a bad dad, internalized homophobia

Rating: General Audiences

Pairing: Destiel 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean Winchester had a very closed off childhood. There was no denying it, it was John’s way or the highway. So Dean was raised in that mindset, and John Winchester was a very… old fashioned person. Sam was different, Sam refuted John every chance he could. Sam learned things for himself, because he didn’t want to learn from John. Dean didn’t have that luxury, because Dean was never John’s favourite son. He couldn’t argue with John because he was terrified of what would happen if he did. John didn’t love him the same as he loved Sam, so Dean was constantly trying to catch up, trying to make John proud. He did everything John asked. Became John’s little soldier. Dean Winchester stopped being his own person, and he started being a second John Winchester. 

~|~

Dean was stuck like that for so long, he lost sight of who he was. Who Dean was. Now he was trying to uncover that, but opening that box inside of him was a long and difficult process. And it started with Castiel. 

Castiel sparked something within him that he hadn’t felt since eighth grade. Something he shut out because John made him. Dean fell in love with Castiel. And he fought it so long because Castiel was a boy. That was wrong. He wasn’t allowed to fall in love with a boy. Of course Dean would never admit this out loud, but some people knew. That’s where Gabriel came in. 

Gabriel had been the first one to challenge what he had known. Gabriel caught Dean staring at Cas longingly. Wanting, but knowing that he could never have. 

“Why not?” Gabriel had asked. 

“Get out of my head.” Dean growled. 

“Stop thinking so loud.” The archangel shrugged. Dean hoped he would have left it there, but Gabriel was nothing if not persistent. “Why can’t you have him? Bet if you walked over there and kissed him, he’d be over the moon. The pining is getting tiring, Dean-o, go on.” Gabriel nudged him, trying to get him to go.

“No, Gabriel. That’s not… right.” Dean frowned. Not that he had anything against gay people, he was fine with them, but that just wasn’t who he was. Who he was supposed to be. 

“Since when? I’ve been kissing guys longer than I can remember! Your brother is next on the list.” Gabriel snorted. 

“What?” Dean blinked. 

“Point is, go Dean. No one’s gonna stop you. No one’s gonna see you different. You aren’t going to prison for loving someone. Just go.” Gabriel insisted. Dean thought about that really hard. He was… right. What difference did it make? So Dean did what Gabriel said. He got up and he kissed Castiel. And Castiel kissed him back. 

~|~

Castiel was slowly breaking down all the walls John had made. Little things, but one by one, Castiel replaced the bad with the good. Dean could never repay him for that. He was a much more open person. Gabriel had claimed Castiel had removed the stick from Dean’s ass (with a few more graphic words that made Sam consider grabbing a gun, though he hadn’t decided which of them to shoot yet). Life was good like this. It made Dean realize he missed out in his younger years. Many times Dean wished he was stronger. Wished he was like Sam. 

~|~

It was a hunt. A simple salt and burn, but one of the witnesses - Echo, they’d called themself - stuck in Dean’s mind after it was over. Dean didn’t want to be rude, he had just been so confused. It was a relief Sam took over. So Dean decided to ask Gabriel about it, because Gabriel seemed to be all knowing. Like a walking gay encyclopedia. 

“Gabriel?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s… non-binary?” That caught Gabriel’s attention, drawing his honey gaze away from the marshmallow-and-toothpick-castle he was creating.

“Questioning things, Dean-o?” Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows. Dean scowled. “We met someone on a case, they said they were ‘non-binary’. I… what does that mean?” Dean sighed. 

“Ah. I see. Well Dean, you’ve heard of boy and girl, right?” He asked. Dean nodded. “Non-binary is another gender. Means neither a guy nor a girl.” Gabriel shrugged. That made Dean’s head spin. Of course the first thought was if they weren’t a boy or a girl, what did they have under the belt? Dean must’ve been thinking loudly, because Gabriel rolled his eyes with a resounding ‘ugh’. “No, dumbass. Sex is what’s in the pants. Gender is a lot more diverse. You’ve heard of trans, right?” Dean nodded. “So you know some people feel as though their gender doesn’t match their body? Though they were born, say, female, they feel as though they’re a male?” Dean nodded once more. “Well some people don’t feel like they are females, though they’re in a female body. But they don’t necessarily feel male either. It happens to people born in a male body too. These people can identify as non-binary. Somewhere in between female and male.” Gabriel provided. “Does that make sense?” Dean thought about it, and the more he thought about it, the more it did make sense. 

“Huh.” Was his only response, before stealing a marshmallow and heading off. 

~|~

The burden of knowledge was a heavy one. Everything that once seemed so simple was suddenly a whirlwind of confusion. Dean had never thought about it before because he never needed to. He knew he wasn’t a girl, so he had to be a boy. It was simple. Until it wasn’t. 

The hard part was Dean had no idea how to tell. He couldn’t talk to Gabriel, Gabriel would figure it out in a heartbeat. So the internet was Dean’s only solace. (And if he took an online quiz or two, who could really blame him?) 

~|~

It was morning time. The covers were rumbled but miraculously still over them, and Dean was laying with his head on Castiel’s chest. They were both awake, just savouring the still of the morning. Dean was deep in thought, he’d been up late last night pondering his dilemma. 

“Dean.” Castiel rumbled, his voice still rough from sleep. Not that he had to, but it was nice. Dean seemed to like sleeping next to Castiel without the discomfort of being watched the whole time. “What’s on your mind?” He asked. Dean stopped; Cas had noticed. Dean sighed softly. Of course Cas noticed, Castiel knew Dean inside and out, it would actually be more confusing if Cas didn’t notice. 

“...how do you know if you’re non-binary?” Dean asked resignedly. No point in trying to hide something from your angelic boyfriend that can slip into your thoughts at any moment, (though he mostly didn’t, for privacy’s sake). 

“That’s something only you can decide, Dean.” Castiel told him softly. “Are you uncomfortable as a male?” 

“Well… no. Not really.” Dean sighed. “This is how I’ve always been, this is how I’m supposed to be… right?”

“No. You’re supposed to be happy. What made you ask if you’re comfortable being male?” 

“I dunno… what if it’s just because I’m used to it? I mean… I do like more feminine things…” Dean trailed off, blushing. Castiel smirked, his hand trailing down Dean’s bare torso and pushing down the waistband of Dean’s sweats to reveal a splash of pink. “Hey quit that!” He scolded. “I just… I dunno.” He sighed. “I don’t wanna be confusing and pick a new name or anything…” 

“You don’t have to. You don’t even have to switch pronouns if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just about making you comfortable and happy with who you are.” Castiel assured, kissing his hair. Dean nodded slowly. 

“Okay…” And they left it there. 

~|~

“Castiel?” Dean murmured, pulling his boyfriend aside. They had gone to the store to pick up some eggs, beer, and skittles on Gabriel’s request. 

“Yes my love?” Cas responded, his blue eyes wandering Dean’s face, full of concern. 

“I think I’m non-binary.” Dean told him quietly. Cas offered a warm smile. 

“Alright. What pronouns do you prefer?” He asked. 

“We can stick to ‘he’… or ‘they’ works too, I guess…” Dean mumbled, blushing as he looked down. Castiel just smiled warmly, lifting Dean’s chin so the hunter would look at him. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Cas assured him, gently kissing his lips. “And I love you so much.” The way Dean’s eyes shone in that moment made Cas’s heart soar. 

“Thanks Cas…” he smiled. Castiel always had a way of making Dean’s insides turn to mush with his gentle loving nature. 

~|~

Dean lost a bet. In his defence, he didn’t believe ANYONE could fit thirty marshmallows in their mouth, so why would Gabriel be different? Gabriel had his ways though. So there Dean was, letting Gabriel plaster his face with makeup and paint his rugged hunter nails. 

“Ta da!” Gabriel sang, turning Dean to face the mirror. It was a good look, sunset eyeshadow, a nice winged eyeliner, soft pink lips and teal nail polish. “You can take it off after half an hour.” Gabriel added, patting Dean’s head. 

“I might not.” Dean shrugged. Gabriel blinked. 

“...huh? Mr. Manly Man, next Captain America, wants to wear makeup?” Gabriel gawked in a teasing fashion. 

“I like it.” Dean shrugged. 

“It is some of my better work…” Gabriel admitted. “But I thought ‘guys don’t wear makeup’?” He laughed, elbowing Dean playfully. 

“Damn good thing I’m non-binary then.” Dean hummed. Gabriel stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if Dean was joking, before he shrugged, hugging Dean. 

“Guess so. I’m proud of you, bucko.” He added the second part much softer. “Pronouns?”

“He/him or they/them. I don’t really care.” Dean smiled. Gabriel nodded. 

“So… can I do your makeup more often…?” The archangel asked quietly. Dean laughed, nodding, and Gabriel nearly leapt for joy. 

~|~

Telling Sam was the hardest part. Dean was so in his own head about it, it wasn’t like Sam was close minded in the least, but Dean has himself convinced. Sam liked Dean the way he was, Dean had told himself. Sam liked his brother. Sam needed him to be this specific figure; a role model. 

Castiel and Gabriel assured him many times over that Sam loved him and it wouldn’t change anything, but just on the small possibility it would… Dean was terrified of telling him. 

“A role model doesn’t mean John’s perfect soldier.” Castiel murmured softly, kissing Dean’s hair. Dean glanced up from where he was staring at Sam over a mug of coffee, contemplating telling him, and Castiel gave him a small smile. Those words hit him like a pound of bricks. Sam didn’t look up to his gender, Sam looked up to what was inside. So why was Dean…

“Sam!” He called, getting up and approaching his brother. “We need to talk.” He sighed. Sam frowned. 

“Is something wrong…?” He asked. 

“No, no, I just… I wanted to tell you something.” Dean fidgeted with the cuff of his flannel, the nerves slapping him again. It was too late to turn back now though, now that Sam’s attention was focused on him. Sam gave a nod for him to continue, and Dean sucked in a slow breath. “I’m non-binary.” He informed, his voice quieting a bit. His stomach dropped as Sam eyed him slowly. Then Sam smiled. 

“Okay.” Sam responded. “Are you… changing your name?” He asked. Dean shook his head. 

“Dean is fine.” He assured. 

“And your pronouns…?”

“I still mostly use he/him, but they/them works too.” Dean mumbled. Sam nodded, getting up and hugging Dean tightly. Dean was slightly taken aback, relief swamping through him. He hugged Sam back, a tiny smile pulling his lips as he caught Cas’s eye over Sam’s shoulder. 

“Dean, I love you.” Sam murmured. A gentle reminder, that was exactly what Dean needed to hear. He managed to choke words through his tears of joy and relief:

“Thank you Sammy.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Representation Week Tag List: 

@misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @specialagentrin @peanutbutterandgrapejelly @all-or-nothing-baby @petrichoravellichor @i-know-like-four-things @fantastikitty7 @is-jus-me @hexlorde

Sidebar: I never know how to introduce my fics, I usually just post them but I felt like I should tack the warning on this one so... I dunno. Don’t be surprised if the style changes. Anyhow, happy representation week everyone!

[princesskokichi]

HAPPY NON-BINARY DAY MIYA!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! YOUR VALID!! AHAHAHAAHAH 🥺🥺🥺💕 - Kiibo SIMp 😭💖

aaaaaa !!! thank you so so so much !!! i love you just as much and thank you for being such a sweetheart !!! 

~ storytime with miya ~

[ warning : personal story, mentions of ab*se, h*r*ssment, family issues ]

i struggled a lot while trying to figure out who i am. while most kids my age were starting to get partners and going on dates, and i didn’t want to ever. i thought that having a partner meant that i had to be someone’s girlfriend - i had to have sex with someone. i didn’t want either. i didn’t want to be called “ girlfriend “ and i didn’t want to have sex. i was constantly told that my lack of clinging to my gender or sexuality was because of the abuse and trauma i endured during my childhood. that’s what people labeled me as. a scarred girl with too much trauma.

i simply didn’t care about anything that most people cared about, because it had no meaning to me. i would do things that would be considered lewd or nasty to other people, like sitting with my legs spread out while wearing a dress or not caring if i wore a bra or if my shirt was showing too much cleavage. i didn’t care. i still don’t care, really, but i’ve learned what’s considered to be socially acceptable, but sometimes i still get pissed off because my brother can go without a shirt around home and i can’t not wear pants even though my underwear covers everything. 

my body is just a human body, i don’t really think of any part of me being “ sexual “ or “ nonsexual. “ it wasn’t made for sex, it was made to help me continue living every day. 

while a lot of people who experience childhood trauma similar to what i went through go on to be hypersexual or extremely uncomfortable about sexual situations, i didn’t. i felt,, empty when talking about things such as sexuality or gender. i experienced having crushes, and i know i’m romantically attracted to all genders but. i’ve never experienced actual “ lust “ or wanting to be sexual with anyone. sometimes i thought i did, but every time i thought about it deeper, it turned out that i was just missing being intimate with someone. sex has no meaning to me other than being intimate with the other partner and having children. in the future, i think the only reason i would engage in sex is for children only. it holds no meaning to me, although i like to joke about it. i like to say i would fuck aizawa sensei senseless, but in real life i wouldn’t.

every time i would get into a situation that looked like it was heading that way, i would clam up. i wouldn’t get fearful or nervous, i just felt out of place. i felt like i didn’t want to be there, that eating pizza and watching netflix was better that what i was doing at that moment. so any time i would have a partner, i would turn them down if things got too heated. i lost a lot of good people that way. likewise, i myself wouldn’t realize i was being lewd with them. i would take off my shirt while chilling with them because i thought it was hot. it wasn’t me going to initiate sex, i was just trying to get comfortable. but i never learned how to convey that to anyone. even still, i don’t think i could if someone asked me to explain my lack of sexual interest.

i didn’t see my body as something sexual, and i would forget that other’s did. my body was just,, my body. that was it.

i felt odd about not caring about sexuality or gender. i wore what i want, and i didn’t care what anyone called me. but for some reason, i had a problem with my deadname. i hated it. i still hate it. so it never made sense to me that i would care about such an arbitrary thing when things that have other people so caught up and that everyone around me seemed to care about. i loved who i loved, and i dressed how i wanted. to be honest, i still wonder what prompted me to be so different from other normal trauma victims, but i doubt i’ll ever know the answer to that. life is fickle like that.

but because i never felt any ties to my personal gender, i felt,, out of the loop on some things. i liked wearing dresses but i didn’t feel like a girl. i wore make up but didn’t feel feminine. my body grew as i got older and i grew into this mature female form, but i never felt like a / girl /.

likewise, i never felt like a boy. i liked to rough-house and fight around with the boys but never felt like i was one. i liked to cut my hair short and dress like a guy but i never felt like i was one. for the longest time i thought i was experiencing dysphoria about my body, so i believed i was trans for a little while. i thought it was weird that i was trans but still liked to dress and act like a girl at some points. i didn’t know what was going on.

however, i still didn’t care about what pronouns people used for me, although i found that most trans are adamant for their pronouns because it’s the only thing that links them to their gender other than their name. i didn’t care what people called me. i was the mom-friend in my irl friend group, but the big-brother to my online group chat. even though my name - miya - is feminine in connotation, i never felt / female / but never felt / male / either. 

i knew that nonbinary existed, but i think i was in denial. i think it was some internalized cissexism ( i think that’s the word. please correct me if i’m wrong ) because it didn’t make sense to me that that could be a thing when it seemed like everyone else was so hooked on gender and sexuality. i began to believe that being ace and nonbinary was taboo of sorts. i thought that i was built wrong. that everyone had sexual attraction, and everyone felt connected to a gender. i was so wrong back then. 

a little while after i realized i wasn’t trans, i got a bit of hate for slandering the name of transpeople. a few people online were calling me fake and invalid, that i wsa / wrong / and they basically voiced every fear that i had held in for so long. i was lost after that. i didn’t know who i was, or where i was going. i was young and dumb, even though it was only a little while ago. 

it was a slow process coming to acknowledge that i was nonbinary, more specifically, that i was completely ambiguous. there’s a difference in nonbinary - which is not conforming to either gender - and ambiguous - which is having no gender at all. ambiguous is a subset of the umbrella term nonbinary. at first i changed my pronouns on twitter from she/her to she/they, and much later i added she/they/he to that list. but i opted to never specify my gender. it was easier that way. no one seemed to really care that i had no gender, they just wanted to know what to refer to me as.

later on down the line, i used the word nonbinary for the first time. and it felt,, refreshing. i think that i was finally coming to realize who i was. i used the term nonbinary to describe me for a long time, thinking that that word fit me. and it does - it’s my umbrella term. but my specific gender is amibiguous, a word i just started using very recently. 

and having recognized my gender has been a load off of my shoulders. i get to be who i am. if people think i’m female, good for them. if they think i’m male, yay. if they think i’m trans, or anything in any other spectrum, i’m happy for them. i don’t mind what anyone calls me. my gender is perceived differently by everyone. and i like that a lot for some reason, although i know many people probably would not like it. it suits me. i’m happy.

my body is still very feminine, but it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. if i could, i would definitely try to lose weight and potentially go through breast reduction surgery, but i’m not too bent up about it if i never get to do that. my body doesn’t equal my gender. how i present - which is typically masculine, but sometimes i wear feminine clothes - isn’t my gender. my gender,, well, to be frank, i don’t have one. i’m me. i’m nonbinary. i’m,, ambiguous. i leave it up to the other people around me and their imaginations. i spend my days trying to make myself happy with what i wear and what i look like, not conforming to society’s rules of gender.

it took a long time, and frankly sometimes i still have a problem with self doubt and internalized problems. one day i hope to get over that. but i know inside my heart who i am. i’m just a human. i’m a person who’s trying to live my life the best way i can. whether my views were formed because of my trauma or whatever, i don’t really care. i’m happy with who i am. i have friends who call me “ sis “ and “ bro “ in the same sentence. i’ve got a friend who calls me their momma, and a friend who refers to me as their big brother. and i like it like that. i realize it’s not for everyone, but i’m happy with it. 

to those who need their gender to feel complete, i commemorate you. you are wonderful, valid individuals who will make it where you want to be in the world. to those who feel similar to me and feel disconnected with gender and / or sexuality as a whole, i’m telling you that you are not alone. you’re not built wrong, and you are not made this way because of trauma. you deserve to be happy with who you are as a person in your own way. just because some people need their gender, doesn’t mean you do. you don’t need to put any labels on yourself. you can just simply exist, because you’ve lived this long so you must be doing a pretty good job at it. 

[a-new-lesbian-flag-blog]

It’s Lesbian Visibility Day– Lesbians Deserve An Inclusive, Easily Reproduced, and Symbolic Flag to Stand Under!

Oh boy, yet another flag proposal... What’s wrong with the flags that already exist, anyway??

No decently circulated lesbian flag currently meets all of the standards that must be met to make a pride flag great– a pride flag design needs to be inclusive, easily reproduced, and symbolic to be able to become a widespread, representative icon of a community!

What’s wrong with the labrys design? 

The labrys design was created in 1999 by a gay man. Having a lesbian flag that wasn’t even created by a lesbian is a glaring issue by itself, but a second reason many lesbians have rejected this flag is because of its association with TERFs, which stand for Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists, a group of people that do not believe trans people are the gender they identify as, and wish to exclude trans people, especially trans women, from the LGBT community and feminist movements. 

What’s wrong with the seven striped pink flag design? 

This flag design is made almost entirely out of very specific shades of pink. These shades are extremely hard to translate into physical dyes, fabrics, and other materials used to create pride designs, causing the flag to be inaccessible to many people. Also, the flag was originally intended to be representative only of lipstick lesbians– many lesbians do not identify with this flag because of the very feminine design as many lesbians do not subscribe to traditional feminine roles and presentation. Also, the creator of this flag has made many racist, butchphobic, and biphobic comments on her personal blog, which is yet another reason why an increasingly large portion of the lesbian community has rejected this flag. 

What about this flag with the orange on top and pink at the bottom? 

I really appreciate this flag for its goal to step away from the exclusive femininity of the ‘lipstick lesbian’ flag and incorporate some deeper symbolism into the design. But there are still some issues with it that remain– one of which is that it does not fix the issue of accessibility/ease of reproduction. The shades of orange and pink are still extremely similar to each other which again, makes it very hard to replicate with dyes/fabrics/other materials. Not even the five-striped variation of the flag fixes this, as the shades of orange and pink are still very specific and are still two different shades of the same color. A pride flag needs to be able to be replicated with limited material options in order for it to be fully accessible and become widespread in the community and beyond. There is also the issue that the two-tone design of the flag is mainly meant to represent butches/femmes. Butch and femme culture is absolutely an extremely important and historical aspect of the lesbian community– but it is not everything the community encompasses. There are many lesbians that do not identify with butch/femme, and this flag leaves those people out. 

What about any other design already out there? 

This is not meant to be a bash on any individuals that have taken the initiative and courage to propose their own designs to the community– the community-wide effort to design a new lesbian flag is what inspired my own! But no proposed flag I’ve ever seen out there has met all three criteria that is needed to make a pride flag successful and widespread, and those are again, inclusivity, ease of reproduction, and symbolism. 

Okay, what’s this new flag look like? 

Many things were considered in the design process of this flag. 

It could not be overly feminine (no major focus on pink, no pastel shades)

It needed to be easily reproduced (no multiple shades of colors, no obscure colors, no complex symbols)

 It needed to incorporate historical and cultural symbolism in every design element (more on that later)

It would not focus solely on one aspect of the lesbian community (not just on femininity, not just on butch/femme, et cetera.)

What do the stripes symbolize? 

Red, embodying passion and bravery– our loud voices and larger-than-life legacies, our bullheadedness and righteousness, our anger and joy and liveliness that is infused in every facet of the lesbian community, and every soul that calls themselves a part of it. 

Orange for integrity and hearth; our wholeness despite the notion that a woman's life is incomplete without a man, as well as the home and sense of belonging we find in our identity and community. It is rejecting the notion that lesbians are cold, harsh, and untrustworthy. This stereotype is especially aimed at butch/masculine presenting lesbians, which is why the stripe also represents butches. 

White symbolizes our inherent rejection of dichotomy in multiple senses of the word. Lesbians are not tied to the patriarchal and heteronormative standard of male versus female in our relationships, lifestyles, or identities. We reject traditional standards of both masculinity and femininity to instead establish our own unique methods of presentation and identity that cannot be tied to a binary norm. It also rejects the notion that lesbian love is automatically dirtier and more lustful than heterosexual love. It is not a coincidence that the purity stripe also represents trans and nonbinary lesbians– this is rejecting the notion that the lesbianism of trans and nonbinary individuals is somehow invalid, lesser or diluted compared to the lesbianism of a cis woman. In the current political climate surrounding many lesbian circles today, I found it more necessary than ever to impress the fact that trans and nonbinary lesbians are just as representative of the lesbian community as cis lesbians, and their inclusion is critical in honoring and acknowledging the community at large.

Purple, the color of violets and lavender, for our history: our lesbian predecessors who dedicated their lives in making the achievements of today possible, our traditions and symbols that have been passed on, redefined, and expressed through every new generation. The purple stripe acknowledges the contributors to lesbian achievement of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Black– resilience and certainty, grounding our identities and community in the foundation of knowing we are exactly where we are meant to be in life, and that our identities are an inherent, permanent, and powerful facet of who we are as human beings. It rejects the notion that lesbians are confused or unstable in their identity, or that they are wrong or broken for not loving men. It also rejects the notion that a “gay lifestyle” is inherently unstable or unsustainable– lesbians are just as capable of marrying, settling, and living comfortably and happily as a straight person is.

I really like this flag! What can I do to support it? 

Spread it any way you can! 

Reblog this post! Non-lesbians are absolutely welcome to– in order to make a pride flag universally known, it has to be seen by *all* members of the community!

Make the flag your profile picture! (I will make free edits of the flag with any character/icon/other pride flag upon request! Just send an ask! Examples of edits I’ve done previously will be posted on this blog soon!)

Go to the twitter and instagram for the flag! 

Like/retweet/repost the flag on your accounts!

Make irl pride art and show it off! 

Tell your friends! 

I hereby release this design of a new lesbian flag into the public domain. Anyone may reproduce, distribute, or use the flag design, including selling merchandise for profit! The last thing I want to happen is for the circulation of this flag to end up entirely based on one social media platform or occur strictly online. I intend for this flag to be able to be displayed and flown in online and real life spaces alike, by lesbians of all different backgrounds, experiences, cultures, locations, and ages. 

Finally, there is a website that goes even further into describing the design process behind the flag and the symbolism incorporated into it! All the information about the flag has been included on this website so all anyone needs to do to help spread the word is share this link!!!   

❤️❤️❤️ Lesbians deserve a flag that represents *all* of us and can be spread to be seen by the entire community! I need YOUR help in making this flag known! Thank you so much for your time in reading and your support! ❤️❤️❤️

[whoaffle]

A non-native talks about Singular-they

Yes, most English speakers know how to use singular-they. Yes, nearly all of us understand it, know how to conjugate verbs accordingly and will do it naturally, instinctively, without hesitation in many situations, such as...

“I don’t know who did this thing, but they sure did a good job.”

Yes, it’s true. It feels completely and absolutely natural to me to use singular-they in that situation. I would do it without thinking!

But here’s the thing... Sometimes it’s really not that easy to use singular-they. I’ve seen people say things like “why can’t you just use it? You know how to use it! You do it in that context” - and yes, it’s true! They do know how to use it in that context!!! And, of course, it’s totally fair to say this to people who are actively refusing to use the pronoun just because they are stubborn and can’t accept someone else’s gender identity. But I kind feel the need to add that... misgendering may, unfortunately, happen by accident as well. So when someone accidentally misgenders a person whose pronoun is “they” and justifies that by saying it’s rather weird for them to use singular-they... Please, don’t immediately attack them. Of course, if they insist on that, or don’t apologize at all, or think there’s nothing wrong with what they did, or tell you that you are overreacting over something that is “just a pronoun”, or any other disrespectful shit like these... Those are red flags. Those signs are very bad. That person is being rude and disrespectful.

But if someone does it by accident, apologizes and corrects themselves, then explain that it’s still kinda hard for them to use that pronoun that way... Please believe it. I’ll explain it:

The singular ‘they’ on the context above is not the exact same as the singular ‘they’ we use with specific people whose pronoun is that.

The difference is that the ‘they’ above means, traditionally, “he or she”: “I don’t know who did this, but he or she sure did a good job”. So even though most people are now much more aware of the existence of other genders beyond masculine and feminine, and therefore understand this “they” as “any person of any gender” and not as “a man or a woman”, there is still a huge amount of people, specially older people, who will say this “they” meaning “he or she” specifically, making it, in fact, something totally different. To these people, the usage of “they” as singular in a sentence depends on not knowing who you’re talking about and, therefore, being unable to classify them as either “man” or “woman”. And THIS is why it’s so weird for many people to accept singular-they.

Again, regardless of how hard it may be, there’s literally no excuse for not trying your best and respecting people! If it’s difficult to understand that, to remember, if it sounds unnatural... That means you are not used to it YET. So the next step is getting used to it, and NOT ignoring it and saying you will refuse to use that pronoun that way.

But welp, going back to what really matters: People who do respect your pronouns but may slip sometimes and misgender you by accident just because they are not used to SPECIFIC singular-they, only to GENERAL singular they.

This may happen because of different reasons. To me, for example, using specific singular-they is rather challenging sometimes because my native language doesn’t have an equivalent to that, besides being heavily gendered. Therefore, my whole life, literally ever word I’ve ever learned, every pronoun and every person, had a gender that was either masculine or feminine. We don’t even have “it” to talk about objects, even objects are classified as either “masculine” or “feminine” words. So yeah. 23 years of that in one’s brain makes it pretty hard to acknowledge that a person can have a gender other than masculine or feminine (or have both, or not have any).

So even though to me it feels really natural to say “If a person falls from the first floor, they will probably survive”, it is really not as natural to talk about someone specific that I know and not apply any gender to them. It’s something I’m making a HUGE effort to get used to, but it’s NEW INFO for my brain. And it will take some time to get used to it and MAKE IT NATURAL. Make it instinctive, intuitive... Like learning some language.

To give you another example of how the heavily gendered languages affect our usage of pronouns, it is VERY common for me to be talking in English about an animal, and sometimes even an object, and accidentally refer to it as “he” or “she”. I sometimes come up with sentences like “I was watching that cat walk by and he jumped over that fence”. I know that I should have used “it”. When I write Pokémon fanfics, I know that I should use “it” to talk about Pokémon, but I usually use either “he” or “she”. And when those words don’t have a Portuguese equivalent, the gender that comes up is nearly random. Why do I refer to Giratina as “ela” (she) and Lugia as “ele” (he) in my native language? Who knows! These are just the pronouns my brain gave them. And funny thing? Even though most of the times when I accidentally call something “he” or “she” I use the pronoun that thing has in my language (cat - gato - he; ball - bola - she; elephant - elefante - he; string-puppet - marionete - she), SOMETIMES I use genders that are not even the ones from my language! For example... Sometimes, when I’m on a “bad-english day”, I may end up saying something like “The kid kicked the ball and he flew through the window” - meaning that THE BALL flew through the window. That is... I called the ball “he”, even though the gender of that word is feminine in my own language.

That all to say that... Language processing is confusing sometimes... And the way we see the world is totally connected with how we classify it, that is... Language. So, heavily-gendered languages DO make it harder for people to get used to singular-they. Because the way our brains have learned to function is “we have an object, we classify it as male or female”. Because in my language, “the child plays with the red ball” is “a(feminine) criança(feminine) brinca com a(feminine) bola(feminine) vermelha(feminine)”. Article? Gendered. Noun? Gendered. Adjective? Gendered. And to make it worse, we add articles in front of people’s names, and those articles are gendered accordingly to a person’s gender. We don’t say “Ariel told me about it.” We say “The Ariel told me about it”. If Ariel is a boy, then “O Ariel”, and if they are a girl... “A Ariel”. Gendered.

So pleeeeeeeeeeaseeeeee.... Please understand that some people, like me, may commit misgendering with they, just like we may commit misgendering with “it” to talk about a ball. That does NOT mean I see the ball as a woman! It’s just because our brains are used to applying binary gender to EVERYTHING!...

So yeah... Older people may have trouble to update the meaning of “they” from “he or she” to “any gender” because of how they grew up and what gender meant to them. And non-natives may have trouble with it because of how their relationship with words works. So unless this person is really doing it to be mean or out of prejudice, just correct them, explain to them, talk to them... You don’t need to forgive, you don’t need to accept it. But please don’t attack them or tag them as transphobic, because using that pronoun can be difficult even if you know how to use it generically.

Thanks a lot for reading. I’ll totally doing my best at using singular-they correctly! ^^

Oh and... PLEASE:

IF I EVER MISGENDER YOU, YOUR FRIEND, YOUR FAVORITE SINGER, A CHARACTER YOU LOVE OR AN OC YOU MADE, YOUR PET OR ANY OTHER LIVING BEING... TELL ME!!!! Warn me and PLEASE CORRECT ME!!!

I don’t want to misgender you! I don’t want to disrespect you! I want to use your pronouns correctly, and I want to know if I did it wrong. Believe me, it’s never on purpose. ♥

[musings-from-mars]

2, 3, and 14

2. What is your sexuality?

I am demi-polysexual demiromantic. Choosing this label was a long process and it’s a bit complicated. I’ve known I’m demi for a long time since throughout my whole life I was never really interested in sex in the way society made it out to be. The concept of casual sex, sex early in a relationship, those sorts of things were hard for me to grasp. I realized that I could desire sex, but only if I truly loved someone first. Then again, romance and sex and everything to do with relationships like that is pretty intimidating to me, but I’m open to finding love if it comes to me. I’m not one for developing crushes and asking people out.

As for my polysexuality, that label is a result of a lot of confusion and discovering the label rather recently. Girls are amazing. I’ve always felt this and wow. Feminine, androgynous, gender non-conforming, trans, non-binary, just....girls are amazing. If I were a video game character, my “Love for Girls” stat would be maxed out to 100. However, more recently, I had a realization that sorta came along with realizations of my own gender identity. I like non-binary people too. I could see myself with someone who is non-binary. My love for non-binary people, while certainly there, isn’t as strong as my love of girls. And then there’re guys. To put it simply, I don’t like guys. Masculinity as a whole is offputting in my personal experience. However, every now and then there will be a guy who is the right kind of nice that I sorta go...hold on...

So that’s why I’m polysexual. Bi or pan don’t really have the connotations that I associate with myself because I feel my varying degrees of attraction to different genders should be conveyed in my label, and bi and pan, in my perception, convey an equal or kinda equal attraction to all (but thats my perception of labels I once considered my own but aren’t anymore. If you are bi or pan but have varying degrees of attraction to different genders, your justification for your own identity is valid).

3. What is your gender identity?

An absolute circus. So I only came to the realization that I can identify my own gender however I feel very recently. Like, a year or two ago. I was assigned male at birth, but upon recent reflections on my life....I was always non-binary. Long before I had ever heard that term, I was always pursuing androgyny, I wasn’t insulted when kids would call me girly, and despite the bullying, I didn’t want to be a boy. I didn’t want to be a girl either, though, so....what was I to do? I dealt with a lot of internal conflict as I got older. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I first learned of non-binary identities, and I sat on my bed and cried. I read a glossary of different gender identities online, and I was overjoyed. The way I feel, who I am, it’s real. I don’t have to fit in one of two boxes. I can be me. I can find my own identity. I can actually apply words to what I’ve been struggling with for my whole life.

I cycled through several, finding myself in their definitions. Demiboy, demigirl, genderfluid, agender, etc. However, I didn’t find one that really stuck. I was content with “queer” as a comfortable umbrella term with plenty of wiggle room, but I never stopped searching for a more specific label.

That leads me to today. I may not identify this same way a month or two from now, but my search for the words to describe my feelings is still ongoing. If it changes, that’s okay. But as of right now, I identify as pangender. I feel it all, or just one gender, or none, and it varies from moment to moment. And I like it. And yes, back when Pride Month began, I posted the genderqueer flag and I identified as genderqueer, but yeah, that’s changing. I’m still figuring it out. Check back with me later to see if it changes again, but today, I’m proud of being pangender.

14. Are you openly out?

In the real world, not at all. Right now, I don’t think anyone would understand the same way people here on tumblr understand. Plus, of course, I’m scared. But anyway, tumblr may be a hellsite but this community is the only place where I can go to be myself and talk about these things. I may just be one person figuring theirself out, but it means the world to me that simple things like this ask meme give me the chance to express myself in a way I never can irl. I keep my real life and my life on tumblr separate for these reasons. I know so few people on here but I want them to know that thanks to them, I’m so happy to be here. The real me can actually....be here, so thank you ❤️

[uonsu]

‘Being trans* at UoN’ - a student’s personal account of what it’s like to be trans* at the University of Nottingham.

We’re not much different you and I. We both attend class, go on nights out, and use the loo. It’s the difficulty at which we do those things that truly sets us apart. The difficulties I will discuss in this post apply to all kinds of transfolk: closeted or non-closeted, anywhere on the spectrum, on hormones or not. My perspective as a trans person is extremely limited and this article would be incomplete without additional input. Luckily, the UoNSU LGBT+ Network has a sub-group specifically for the ‘T’. I’ve met some incredible people as a part of this group, some of whom who have offered their unique input to this article.

It may seem odd at first; thinking about one’s gender every single day. The stress and anxiety that comes from being misgendered is incomparable to any feeling you may have had before. This feeling is exceptionally noticeable when it’s done by a lecturer. To change your name with the university, you need to do so legally first. So, whilst current provisions allow you to indicate your gender via the 'title’ option, it is still lacking when not allowing a preferred name. I spoke with a non-binary student about their experience, they had this to say about what it feels like with the current University provisions,

“I was incredibly self-conscious about uploading things to Moodle, emailing people, and seeing the registers as they went around because they all had my old name on. Even after I had my name changed, the registers were slow to update as usual - just as they can be very slow to update... While I can't fault the individual people I've spoken to, the system as a whole has been lagging behind quite significantly, and that, I think, is the source of my self-consciousness - I have to be aware of everything that I do, where I choose to pee, how long my days are so I can avoid needing to go to the bathroom and wearing a binder for too long, which version of my name is on the register when I sign it, whether I choose to speak up, etc.”

Personally, I have experienced the bathroom issue. Planning my days around where I will be and ensuring that I walk past Portland at some point. I’m not fully out yet, but I have started hormones. I have no intention in using the female toilets yet, but as days roll on, the male toilets become more and more foreign to me. This change is most likely due to how I have become to accept my identity and the changes I’ve experienced thanks to hormones. It’s people like me who gender neutral toilets make all the difference. I know that as I become more and more feminine, the less likely I’ll be able to use the male toilets and not having to worry about that is grand. Once again, the University’s policy fails trans* students. The Students’ Union has a policy to lobby for gender neutral toilets, but in the end it is up to the University if they want to include them in their buildings. Currently, the University has failed on this ground and this can be seen most evidently in the new Teaching and Learning building. The SU will continue to have to lobby to prevent this from happening again and to promote changes in current buildings.

Going on nights out are a key component for many students and their experience at Uni. It’s here where we see yet another difficulty for our trans* students. For the UK, and most other countries, before you can change the sex on your ID, you have to have ‘proved’ that you experience gender dysphoria(1). Proof can be travel documents, images, etc., over a two year time period. Having reassignment surgery is not a requirement but the likelihood of receiving a gender recognition certificate increases with it. This entire process takes years and is an extremely stressful time period, if one undergoes it at all. So, when a trans male student wants to go on a night out and the one thing letting them into the bar is the letter ‘F’, there’s clearly an issue. Time after time, students who don’t have the letter or image matching their gender identity on their ID ask whether or not a bouncer is going to question it or not. This is unwanted attention and not deserved in any fashion and prevents these students from fully enjoying their time at university.

It’d be unfair for me to finish this article without mentioning trans* students of colour (PoC). In the world, trans* PoC undergo some of the worst discrimination and harassment. And whilst we go to a University that celebrates diversity, these statistics still run true. In the UK, students who come from a BME background, are less likely to seek welfare services due to barriers based on race, religion, culture, and language(2). This means that these students will not be getting the support they crucially need at a time in their life that is exceptionally troubling. It may be simple to separate these students into groups and identify the issues they face individually, but the statistics don’t lie and these issues compound exponentially.

Coming to University can be an exciting time for any student. It means moving away from home, meeting new people, and learning new things; however, if the systems in place directly disadvantage these students because of who they are, how can we truly claim a welcoming environment? So, reach out to your trans* friends. Tell them you support them and listen. Listen to the issues they face and stand up for them and their rights.

(1) https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-40709420

(2) https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/b/black-asian-and-minority-ethnic-bame-communities

#InternationalTransgenderDayofVisibility